I stumbled around for the longest time in the darkness of grief. I told people it was like trying to defuse a bomb blindfolded. One wrong move and I would just disappear…evaporate into a billion little pieces. I used to feel like I was, quite literally, one crisis away from losing it altogether. If one more bad thing happened, if I had to deal with one more medical emergency, if I had to white-knuckle my way through one more disaster…I just knew I didn’t have it in me. The thing is…I look back over the last nearly four years since Mr. Virgo’s death and I realize I survived every single thing that was thrown at me…exactly 100% of the time. There are still moments when I feel myself hanging on…but now it’s by the heavy chains of a sea freighter’s anchor…not by a thin, ever weakening thread.

Time has done a great deal to show me I am much stronger than I thought. God has never, ever let me down and I trust He will always either provide a safe place to land or teach me to fly. In the light of day, every single star in the half of the universe we face is there. We just can’t see them because of the sun. When things are going well and you are feeling strong and healthy, all the threads leading to your support system are there…but you don’t notice them because there is so much light in your life. It’s when things get dark…when there isn’t even a moon…that’s when you need to look for the stars. You need to look for those tiny beacons of light…those loved ones, those helpers, those angels, and for the Strength of the One who is greater than yourself. As Dr. Martin Luther King said…”Only in the darkness can you see the stars.”

As I was leaving church Sunday morning, I felt a tap on my shoulder and jumped. One of the ladies I’m getting to know came up and welcomed me back after my long trip to Colorado. We exchanged greetings then she told me how much she enjoys reading Marshmallow Ranch every day…that it is so uplifting. She went on to say that even though she has not lost a husband, there are all kinds of grief and my posts have helped her. I have been moving the early posts of my blog from Facebook to the new website this week. That means I dive back down into the darkest, most paralyzing time of my life. And it wears on me. I have dreams again of CPR and ambulances and caskets. I was feeling really tired Sunday morning after another night of fitful sleep. But when my church friend put her arm around my shoulder and told me how much my writing helps her, and others, it lifted me up. It made me feel centered and stronger and more forward focused. And I told her so and thanked her for telling me.

We should lift each other up at every opportunity. When I write my posts, I do not know what is going on in your lives. I don’t know what you need to hear. But I always pray over my keyboard and ask God to bring me the words He wants me to say and the people who need to hear it. Then I seek ways I can be of service to Him. I knock on the door of his heart and ask him to shower me with these blessings that I beseech of Him. And finally, I ask him to walk with His hand over all of YOU, to guard YOU, to bring peace, healing, and abundance into your lives. I was so grateful to be lifted up on Sunday. It set the tone for the week ahead.

When it is dark…may you see the stars. ❤️

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up….”
‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:11‬ ‭NIV‬‬