“(For we are but of yesterday, and know nothing, because our days upon earth are a shadow:)  Job 8:9 KJV

For a long time after losing Mr. Virgo, I marked the timeline of my grief by significant dates. The first anniversary without him came just three weeks after he died. That was a tough one. First Halloween marked when we met. The first time I celebrated his birthday alone was terribly sad. First Thanksgiving, first Christmas…the list went on and on and I was convinced when the first “angelversary” of his death came around, I could turn a corner on this grief thing. Needless to say, that didn’t happen.

The seconds were worse for me than the firsts. Because, the first year I was in a fog. The second year I was awake and he was still gone. It was deeply painful. It was desperately lonely. I was exceedingly angry. Each day led me forward, ever so slowly, toward…what? Healing? Peace? Acceptance? It wasn’t easy. Somewhere along the line, 1,000 days passed and I wrote about my experiences along the way. Still marking the calendar of grief.

Now it’s been 2,000 days. Unbelievable. It seems like forever ago. It seems like yesterday. It sometimes even seems like he was a dream and I never really had him. I think that’s fairly normal, from what I have heard from you all over the years. I can’t remember his voice anymore. I struggle to picture his hands. He’s like a really good movie that I loved and watched over and over till I memorized all the words…then lost the disk. I’ll never see that particular movie again, but I remember how much I enjoyed it.

I still get waves of grief. They don’t hit nearly as hard as they used to, and they don’t last nearly as long, thank God. I notice them most when I am tired or not feeling well. I’ve learned so much about myself since he died. I’ve become much stronger. My world is brighter now that I’ve passed through all those days. I have new love. But I will never lose my old love. I have them both. I am a widow and a partner. I grieve and I rejoice. 

I have greater compassion now. For others. For myself. I know not everyone has a new love. Not everyone wants it. Women are perfectly capable of being widowed and still lead a fulfilling life. One does not need a partner to be rich in love. Women can be remarkably resilient and strong all on their own. 

So, it’s been 2,000 days. Remarkable…yet another ordinary day. The seas are much calmer this far from the shore. ❤️