NO WORRIES
I used to worry about everything. I have a genetic proclivity for anxiety…a trait I have so generously shared with my children and at least one of my grandchildren. When I was in my twenties, a trip to the mountains would have me in a tizzy for days just thinking about going. At one point, I was nearly agoraphobic…there were only certain places I felt comfortable. I hated it. I hated that I couldn’t be in a play or give a speech because the idea of standing in front of people made me deathly sick. So, what changed?
I still get butterflies on occasion. And, on rare occasions, I get anxiety attacks. But I’ve been largely better after two major events in my life. First, I nearly died of an overdose in 2000. I’ve talked about it a little here, but not much. It was a very dark time in my life, my marriage was dying, I was at the tail end of a 7 year struggle with clinical depression, and I took two full bottles of pills and could have easily died had I not been found in time. It wasn’t like I made a decision to end my life. I was just in so much pain, I wanted to go to sleep. When I came out of that, I was much stronger and nothing really scared me much after that. Then Mr. Virgo died. I suffered severe panic attacks for about a year. Finally, I was diagnosed with PTSD and had EMDR treatments so no I rarely get anxious about anything. And worry? Nah…worry doesn’t change anything. It just ruins “now”.
I was interviewed on the radio yesterday. I had a half hour to tell my story and those of you who know me…I can just about tell you my name in that time. The show hosts said it was great. The gal who puts the show online said it was great. My friends have listened and said I did a good job. I listened to it and hear every pause, every “and…um”, every perceived flaw. So, I figured I just wouldn’t post it. Then I heard from a reader who heard it. And she said it was a wonderful interview. When I write, I re-read later and often think it isn’t good enough. But I have only erased and started over once in four years. Why? Because, I pray to God to bring me the words. These are the words I’m given. I don’t know who they’re for, or why I got this particular message. God just puts it on my heart and I do it. Same with any talks or interviews I give. It is what it is. Unless you are a speech coach, you aren’t going to really notice what I notice. And, if you ARE a speech coach…please contact me. I need your services!
If you would like to listen to yesterday’s show on Highway to Health, you can do so here and I’m just not going to worry about it, OK?
motherearthworks.com/index.php…
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 NIV (My go to verse about worry and anxiety!)
#grief, #widow, #worry, #anxiety