A PRAYER FOR ANNA
I hadn’t seen Anna since high school. She had never been to a reunion and frankly, she was nervous. What if no one remembered her? What if she didn’t remember anyone else? What if the dress she picked out is too dressy? What if it’s not dressy enough? Or too hot/cold/itchy….you get the idea. Anna was scared. I don’t blame her. I’ve been there…we all have. She changed her clothes three times the first night. Finally I said…“Please…sit. You’re beautiful. Relax.” She gave me a smile and seemed to settle back and get into the groove of the evening.
I didn’t really know Anna. Oh, we had a couple of classes together. But, she was athletic and popular. We didn’t run in the same circles. But we became Facebook friends a few years ago so I felt like I knew her. We sure had fun at the class reunion though. We laughed and had our pictures taken together like we’d been best buds since first grade. That’s the nature of reunions. At least it is in my class. We all just seem to love each other. We’re family.
Anna did what we all do at reunions. She told us about her kids and her grandkids. She had this HUGE mama-honkin’ ring on and I (being the grand poobah of sparkly things) asked her about it. She told me she got it for her 40th anniversary. I found out over the weekend that they almost made it to the 42nd. Anna lost her husband Sunday to a sudden heart attack. It breaks my heart for her. I know where she is. I know what’s happening to her. I know she’s going to remember all the times she talked about her husband and will remember any slight. She’s going to recall every conversation where she might not have been as patient as she could have. She’ll remember every argument and wish she could take it back. She will worry. “Did she tell him she loved him the last time they talked?”
Eventually, she will strain to remember the exact timbre of his voice. Did he call her Baby Doll or Doll Baby? She won’t be quite sure what he gave her for Christmas a couple years ago. She’ll panic. She’ll worry more. “Am I forgetting him?” The time between these two extremes is highly variable and depends on the individual.
I wish I could take it all away, this pain we feel when we lose the one who brings light into our hearts and stars into our eyes. But I cannot…it is the price of loving so hard. The deeper the love…the deeper the grief. So, instead…I will share these thoughts for Anna…and for all who have recently suffered a fresh loss.
May you find some peace in the coming days. May you remember only the beauty of your true, long lasting love. May you see your loved one in the faces of your beautiful family. May you feel his presence on the wind and in the raindrops. May God ease your heart enough to give you some rest. May you find the strength to do all that you need to do in the coming days. May you find the courage to face all the things that will come your way in the coming weeks and months. May you be brave enough to reach out to those who hold a hand out to you in your time of loss. And, when it is your time, may you reach back and mentor another woman through her loss. Because, in that, you will find purpose in your pain. ❤️
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalms 147:3 ESV