Here They Come Again

Waves. Grief comes in waves. I’ve been on top of the world the last few months. Feeling good. Feeling strong. Feeling happy. Then…BANG! That car pulled out in front of me. There was no room to stop. The crunch of metal, glass breaking, squealing tires, and the explosion of the airbag keeps haunting me. I see it over and over. I can’t make the results change, no matter how hard I try.

I have pain. I hate pain meds. If I take them more than three or four days, they make me depressed. I hate depression more than pain and definitely more than pain meds. So, I try other avenues…ice, acetaminophen, gentle stretching, meditation, and chiropractic medicine. Since I took the pain meds for a few days, the waves of grief and sadness washed over me yesterday. I know in a couple of days, I’ll feel much better. Until then, I ride it out. I’m tough as nails anymore. And…I’m as fragile as fine crystal. Grief leaves layers of vulnerability you never knew you could feel. Strong, weak, strong, weak…we peel through each one till we get to a thicker strong place. That’s when we get some relief for a while. But, all it takes is a little trauma, a little squeal of rubber, a little airbag to send you reeling for a bit.

I have a wonderful support system in place. My friends and family are right there when I need them. I’ll feel much better soon. Knowing that keeps me going. ❤️

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:26-27‬ ‭NIV‬‬