Four Years Gone

Four years. What can happen in four years? A whole presidency. College. A baby becomes a pre-schooler in four years. Four years can make a huge difference in the life of a recovering addict. It can be an eternity for a hostage. It may be restitution for a convict. It represents hope for a cancer survivor.

Four years. It is forever for a widow. Or maybe it’s an hour. Same thing. Four years of roller coaster emotions wears on a person. Four years of bracing for the next wave, no matter how subconsciously you’re doing it. It’s always there. The potential of grief. Because, we’ve seen it. We’ve felt it. We are soldiers in a war that was not our choosing. However…we know our ground. Understanding the terrain of grief gives us better footing. We know what’s coming when we feel the next wave rise against us.

Yet…four years has made me compassionate. Four years has gifted me time and distance from the raw, sharp edges of grief that threatened to cut my heart from my chest. The gaping wound is closed. Tiny angels have been working over the scar in my heart these past four years. Their Leader points out the leaky spots and the weak places and they hop to work with their silver threads and golden needles, stitching my soul back together with faith and love, time and patience, courage and strength. There is a scar. Unless you know me well, you might not notice. I see it when I record a video for my grandchildren. Or, when I look into the mirror and let down the shield that covers my eyes. That’s when I “check in” to see how I’m REALLY doing. And I’m doing fine.

Four years gone. Four years. A lifetime…a moment. Pragmatism keeps me focused on the future. There is a light on my horizon…a light of this world. Someday, I’ll walk into that light of yours, but for now…I think I’ll check out what’s in this one. This life I’ve been given. When you left, the emptiness was immeasurable. That hole is filling in…with joy, promise, love, healing, light. But, mostly, its filling with hope. Thank you for the reminders that you were here, that you loved and cherished me. I will always carry you safely tucked in my heart, Mr. Virgo. There’s room enough. ❤️

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭55:22‬ ‭ESV‬‬