Stepping Out in Faith
This is a clip from Night 3 of the Revival I have been attending. I thought I would share it with you in case you are interested. Pastor Matt preaches in much the same style as the circuit preacher who, quite literally, scared the pee out of me when I was seven years old, sitting in this very church. My 64-year-old eyes can see past the style and dogmatic differences now to see the same love behind the delivery. That circuit preacher of old sent me fleeing in the opposite direction of the church and I spent the better part of my adulthood feeling like something huge was missing in my life. It wasn’t until my mom died that I began to explore a relationship with God like I had never known. More specifically, I had always loved God. It was this Jesus guy that I was afraid of. I was led on a spiritual quest with so many supernatural twists and turns that I finally had no other alternative left but to believe. Interestingly, that was what my grandma told me when I asked her, after the scary preacher incident, “How do you KNOW Jesus walked on water?” At the time, her answer, “You just have to believe” made absolutely no sense to me. Eventually, it did. I almost died before I got there. Thank God, I did not.
I began this walk of faith when my mom died in 2004. I stood at her casket and wondered where she went. Where did Grandma and Pop-Pop and Uncle Sonny go? The thoughts of never seeing them again was too much to bear so I went on a spiritual journey. I asked God to bring me the people to pray for me. I asked him to bring me the materials I needed to read. I read the New Testament for the first time in my life. I walked into the local Christian bookstore looking all the world like the Unibomber in my hoodie and sunglasses, trying not to be conspicuous as one of the Jewish pillars in our small mountain town. I grabbed the first book I found, paid for it, and hurried back to my car. It was Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life. You can’t get much more fundamental than that. I started reading.
Shortly after Mom’s funeral, I returned to Colorado. My brother wanted to come live near me. He has cerebral palsy and there is a wonderful program in the small town where I lived. They assist and support people with developmental disabilities to live as independent a life as possible. I went to them to sign my brother up. Imagine my dismay when they told me there was a ten year waiting list for residential services. I told God if it was his will that I care for my brother, I certainly would. But here was this amazing program that could give him a life. I asked him to open doors and pave the way for my brother to be accepted into this life-giving program. Three days later…THREE DAYS…I got a call from the people in Colorado. They had received emergency funding for my brother, there was a rare opening, and they had called everyone on the waiting list. No one could move in by the end of the month. If I could have him there, the spot was his. I got off the phone, looked up, and said, “Ok. NOW you’ve got my attention!” My quest was cranked up several notches.
A Purpose Driven Life is a 40-day read. Mom had promised my brother a trip to Florida so we headed to Colorado via Disney World. On about Day 21 of my reading, we were near Jacksonville in a hotel. I opened the curtains that morning and saw the great expanse of ocean and the long, sandy beach. It suddenly struck me…I truly was nothing more than one of those grains of sand in the grand scheme of things. I felt something come over me, and I was suddenly so tired. Tired of flying a kite but hanging onto the tail for dear life. Tired of always searching for something to fill that hole in my heart. Tired of aching for something I did not know and could not find. So…I gave in. I gave up control…or the idea of having had it in the first place. I surrendered and asked Jesus into my life. If you have been raised in faith, you may never have felt what happens in a moment like that. I literally felt every cell in my body be made new. It was the most remarkable experience of my life. When you make a bold step into the Light, the darkness wakes up and takes notice and starts trying to chase you down. It whispers darkness in your ear and tries to steal your joy. Blow after blow, I suffered one thing after another, till I learned my power over the situation. The key to claiming your power is stepping out in faith. And that’s what I’m doing here.
On the night this video clip was filmed, I was anointed by Pastor Matt and he prayed over me. This blog has become my ministry…my way of walking the talk. He prayed that the doors be opened, the path be made straight and smooth, and that God would continue to bring me the words to say and the people who need to hear them. If I have gained anything from this Revival, it is to be BOLD. So I am stepping out in faith. I have always feared that to do so would drive you all away. I have recently realized, I have little to no control over the number of people who read my writing. God delivered a literary agent a year and a half ago. She is excited about my writing, about my story, and about the work I do here. But in the black and white world of publishing, numbers mean everything. If you do not have a large social media platform, you do not get noticed and you are likely never going to sell your book. I truly believe this is what I am supposed to be doing. I truly believe this is what I was placed here on earth to do…to write, to share, to speak. To support those who suffer grief, pain, and loss. To bring hope into the world. In my boldness, I am claiming that even as you are reading these words, the Holy Spirit is moving amongst you all. That somewhere, someone is going to read this and say, “We need more of this. We want more of your writing.” I believe it and I have the audacity to trust it as truth.
When I was called two and a half years ago to place a Scripture at the bottom of each post, I promised you I would never get preachy. I’ll never tell you my way is better than your way. I’ll never tell you you’ll go to hell if you don’t do what I’m doing. My ministry is to spread love and light and peace and hope and joy into the world. Lord knows, we need as much of that as we can get. If I have ever touched your heart…if you have ever felt anything stir in you…if you have ever thought of someone specific when you read my posts…if you have ever felt lifted by my words, please share them on any social media platforms you may have access to. Someone out there knows someone who knows someone who can help me boost these numbers. I am available to speak at conferences, meetings, churches, civic groups…anywhere that might need an uplifting word. I can write guest posts on other blogs. I can write articles for magazines. I can write columns in newspapers and newsletters. I write. I tell stories. This is what I have to give the world. I know it will come in God’s time…not mine.
And…that, my friends, is about as preachy as I will ever get with you all. I am so grateful you are here. I am so grateful I have a God that loves me. I thank him for all he has done for me and I praise him. This has been an interesting and surprising week for me. I appreciate your indulgence as I share the experience. ❤️
“Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.” Psalms 51:10-12 NKJV
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