Me Too

Trigger warning…this is sensitive and may not be easy for some of you to read but it is important to discuss.

Unless you never look at social media or listen to the news, there is no way you can avoid hearing about sexual assault this week. If you look at your Facebook or Twitter feeds, you may notice “Me too.” posted. No explanation. Just…“Me too.” If you are a woman in this world, you have been subjected to…or at the very least, exposed to acts of a sexual nature without your consent. My very first memory of something inappropriate was at my babysitter’s house when I was maybe five years old. She had teenagers and I was exposed to the daughter and her boyfriend having sex. There was also a boy there who exposed himself to me frequently. Sure…there was normal sexual curiosity as a child. We played “doctor”. This was beyond that.

This picture was taken on Easter Sunday when I was eight years old. My family had just moved into this house at Christmas. About a month before my mom took this photo, a boy in the neighborhood…a senior in high school by my best estimation…had his hand in my pants. When he went for my friend, I grabbed her and ran. I told her mom. She pushed me out of the house and told me to never, ever say anything like that again. My lips are pressed tight in this picture, the corners of my mouth turned down. I never told another soul till I was 35, even when it happened again…this time with my best friend’s dad when I was 13. I was damaged.

For years, my way of coping with what had happened to me was to suppress it. Make it smaller. I rationalized. There wasn’t penetration, so it must not be sexual abuse, right? Compartmentalize. Pretend. But it was always in there. When the older boys cat-called as I walked down the street. I was 11. When the maintenance man at the hospital remarked about the still-little-girl curve of my tummy not being “sexy”. I was 17. When the doctor slapped my butt with plaster on his hands leaving his handprints on my scrubs for all to see. I was 19.

Over and over…men who hold important positions of trust, men who are “friends”, strangers on the street…slap us with behaviors that are clearly unacceptable and we’ve been told “Boys will be boys.” “What were you doing?” “What were you wearing?” The friend whose father molested me was being abused herself at the age of three. When she finally was brave enough to tell, her mom didn’t believe her. After all, her dad was an elder in the church.

What came out of Hollywood this week has been happening throughout time. We’ve just been trained to be quiet. Don’t rock the boat. After all, who are they going to believe…you? Or the big man on campus? People knew. Of course they knew. People didn’t say anything. And when they DID say something, they were told to shut up and sit down or they lost their livelihood. This isn’t just a woman’s issue. This is a human character issue. Men have also been victims of abuse, but there are more female victims than male…by a long shot.

My bottom line is this…talk. Look at your feed. See all the “Me too’s” and see how prevalent this issue is. Talk some more. Talk to your kids about what is ok and what is not. When my kids became the age I was when I was abused, I became hyper vigilant. Their dad didn’t understand how fast…how easy…it can happen. And by someone you know and trust. It doesn’t have to be a stranger. Also, be sure your kids are talking to THEIR kids.

This is a messed up world we are living in. I spread a message of love and light every single day because I believe there is goodness in the world. But, bad things still happen and this is just so important to talk about…no matter how uncomfortable it is. My life was forever changed. My innocence taken away, way too early and that affected how I related to men and relationships. Therapy helped. My faith and forgiveness healed me…as much as you can ever be healed after such experiences. My abusers were untouched. They went on with their lives and who knows how many others were affected.

There are so many good, upstanding men in the world. I have been blessed to have men surrounding me for quite some time who would never allow this type of behavior. That has made my life so much easier. Young women have a hard time still. Just remember…it’s ok to tell. It’s never to late to tell. ❤️

“But if out in the country a man happens to meet a young woman pledged to be married and rapes her, only the man who has done this shall die. Do nothing to the woman; she has committed no sin deserving death. This case is like that of someone who attacks and murders a neighbor, for the man found the young woman out in the country, and though the betrothed woman screamed, there was no one to rescue her.” ‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭22:25-27‬ ‭NIV‬‬