Becoming a Pickle

“Spring Snow”

I worked all day again, copying old posts, pasting them into the website blog. I watched the snowfall outside my window on the first day of spring, filling me with a mix of warm memories and melancholy. I wrote an outline for a project I’m working on. I caught up with old friends. Mr. FixIt brought home my favorite salad from Chik-fil-A. We watched the recording of the new season of American Idol. Then I retreated to the back of the house to write my post. It’s our routine now. One we are both comfortable with.

I quickly scanned my Facebook feed, stopping to read one that spoke to my heart. One of the most humbling experiences I have in doing this grief work is mentoring other widows. A couple of years ago, I met Deneene. She was referred to me by a friend of mine because she was approaching the first “angelversary” of her husband’s death. She was struggling, as we all do with such monumental firsts. When someone tells me they were referred by someone I know, I take a peek at their profile to see if, by chance, they live near me. Sure enough, Deneene lived in my little town in West Virginia. I sent her a private message and invited her to coffee.

We met at Panera on a cold, late winter day and our one hour coffee meeting turned into a four hour gab fest and a life long friendship. I have watched Deneene grow and heal and change and stretch. I’ve watched her be surprised by a new, great love who came into her life. I’ve watched her basically move away to the south with her new love, building a new life. I am so proud of her…so happy for her. And, I miss my coffee buddy, my movie partner, my Girl Camper queen. But such is life…it twists and turns and changes and it’s beautiful.

Monday is the third “angelversary” of her loss. She’s chosen how she will honor that and her beau, like Mr. FixIt, has a big enough heart for her AND her late husband. I was reading her Facebook post tonight and she mentioned something I told her that very first day we met. We were talking about how much our lives have changed…change we certainly did not want…change we didn’t see coming and weren’t prepared for. I told her we were pickles now. She looked at me, puzzled.

“You see, we were cucumbers all our lives. And now, we’re pickles. Once you’re a pickle, you don’t get to go back and be a fresh, green cucumber. Now you get to choose…are you sour? Or are you sweet?”

My heart is with you in the coming days, D. And let me tell you…you’re the sweetest little pickle there ever was! ❤

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you…” ‭‭Ezekiel‬ ‭36:26‬ ‭NIV‬‬