Holding Back the Waters
“Unprocessed grief festers. Let it go.”
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12 NIVI’m developing a little community over on Twitter. There are some really great people over there and I’m hearing lots of good advice and quotes about grief. One of the women I follow is Maryanne Pope who wrote A Widow’s Awakening. She lost her firefighter husband to a totally preventable work injury. Maryanne always has good things to say...tasty nuggets to chew on during the day. That’s the draw of Twitter for me. Short and sweet and to the point...time after time.
Yesterday, Maryanne quoted Eleanor Roosevelt. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Those are some mighty words there, Eleanor. I was in a relationship for two decades in which I felt inferior. It wasn’t always like that. But, as time passed, too many difficult conversations avoided had created an elephant in the room and we carefully dusted it and laid out doilies to fool everyone, including ourselves, into thinking it was something beautiful. Eventually, a systematic collapse occurred and unkindness replaced love a greater portion of the time.
I traded my consent for financial security. When I look back at things that were said to me that I just swallowed…I can’t believe it was me. Then again, it really wasn’t me. It was a smaller, less evolved me. A me that didn’t have Jesus fighting my battles. I’m not an innocent victim in this. I was just as unkind in my own ways. Thankfully, we have opportunities to learn from our mistakes, or the mistakes of others, and we can grow and become better people. Better at fighting, at loving, at living…at forgiving.
I learned after that marriage ended, I could not hold back what was coming. The loss of a marriage causes a tremendous amount of pain and grief. That situation gave me tools for my toolbox for when Mr. Virgo died. Holding back the pain of grief is much like standing in a roaring river trying to hold back the waters with my hands. It was much better to turn around, lean back, and let the current take me feet first down the river. I had far less chance of drowning once I learned to go with the flow and not avoid the inevitable pain. Remember this when you face the rough waters of life. ❤