Gathering the Bits of Me
“We leave bits of ourselves, like pebbles, everywhere we go.”
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Psalm 51:10 NIVWe leave pieces of ourselves everywhere. Bits of our heart and spirit get left behind where we’ve lived, loved, worked, played. Big chunks are tied to places we have experienced great love...as well as great pain. The more we leave behind, the less we have for ourselves. The less we have leftover to leave in spaces that serve us.
My good friend Marion is a Reiki Master, an amazing artist, and one of my most devoted “editors” who regularly finds my typos and helps me save face. The other day, she casually commented on one of my posts. I was feeling stretched thin and she suggested calling these bits of my spirit home.
Yesterday, I drove around Denver to the places where so much of my “self” has been left behind. Every place I went I let myself feel the attachment and asked myself if this was a good, healthy place to be attached to. When it comes to my Colorado family, the answer is an unequivocal yes. Part of my heart will always be with them. But, how about that place I used to work? Or that house I lived In when I married my second husband? Or that park we picnicked in when we didn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of? How about the medical school that was so much a part of my life? Or the hospital I stayed in when I “dropped my basket” back in 2000? Those places don’t need pieces of my spirit attached to them.
I drove around gathering up my forgotten bits and called them back home, welcoming each one with a promise to be more careful where I leave them next time. I felt reconnected…plugged into that extra boost of energy that’s been AWOL for too long.
I realized also that I was feeling depleted by my focus on a number. 65. It’s just a number. Slightly more than 64. Not quite as big as 66. Just a number. It has nothing to do with who I am on the inside where it counts. It has no power unless I GIVE it power. Which, I realize I was doing. I was letting a number make me feel old. Irrelevant. Tired. Ok, I’ve had my moment of indulgent self-pity. Enough of that. It is time to age positively again. I’m enjoying a stage of life many do not get the privilege of experiencing. I’m calling that part of my spirit home as well…that part that mistakenly identifies as “old”. I am what I say I am. I am who God says I am. I am full of life and joy, experience and wonder, love and light. I am whole. ❤