Flexible is My Middle Name
“Thanksgiving Sunset on North Mountain”
The first change in holiday plans came when my cousin’s mother-in-law was admitted to the hospital and we decided to stay home Wednesday night and leave yesterday morning. Then, when we got there, we found out my elderly aunt fell this week and was too banged up for her brother to bring her for dinner. So, Mr. FixIt and I packed up some food and headed for a visit with them.
As we were driving, I suggested we go back home after dinner instead of staying the night. We have fourteen for dinner tomorrow and there is much to be done. We returned to my cousin’s to eat and then headed home. It’s hunting season in West Virginia and the deer are all stirred up. We nearly hit six deer in the first ten miles. We arrived home, safe and sound. Fourteen hour round trip but OH so worth it!
The uncle we visited is the one whose wife died the day after our wedding. I’ve been worried about him because he and my aunt were inseparable since they were in high school. He still has my elderly aunt living with him but right now he’s doing much better because he is getting some regular sleep.
Sometimes, after being the long term caregiver for a dying spouse…there can be almost a sense of relief. Not that the loved one is gone, but that the suffering has ended. Fast on the heels of that can come guilt. You know you did everything you could while your person was here. You know you were at the end of your rope. But, you can easily punish yourself for feeling relieved that you can eat and sleep and rest. Once your mind goes into guilt mode, it’s easy to start finding other things to feel guilty about. Those times you lost your patience. Those times you said or did things you regret. It’s easy to beat yourself up about that because you KNOW you aren’t glad they’re gone. You just needed the pain to stop. For them, and for you.
This doesn’t happen with everyone, but it happens more often than you think. And it’s hard to admit. Being a long term caregiver is not something I have gone through personally, but I’ve been around enough close family members to see how difficult it is. My point is, if you experience a sense of relief, please don’t beat yourself up. You’ve done a long, stressful, most difficult thing easing a loved one through their final journey. Be gentle with yourself. ❤️
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”Romans 8:28 NIV