Day 56: My Mate...My Mirror

Several weeks ago, I asked a question on my personal Facebook page: “Shouldn’t married couples quarantine separately? (Asking for a friend)” I got a lot of responses. Many laughed and knew the tongue-in-cheek nature of the question. Some professed their undying love for their husbands and how fabulous it’s been being with them 24/7. I’m not sure they realized they might have to do this ad infinitum. I haven’t checked back in with them to see how they’re doing...for two reasons. If they are still all googly-eyed and swooning over every moment of his presence, either my friends are big fat liars...or I’m a total failure at this shelter-in-place thing.

Cause...I gotta tell ya...I’m not the easiest person to be around these days. I’m crotchety. Testy. And sometimes, flat out mean. I don’t mean to be. I’ve got the sweetest husband on the planet. And, I have to be getting on his nerves, too. We came into this relationship retired, independent, with grown kids. We were used to doing our own thing. The whirlwind of romance and travel and marriage was balanced with time spent pursuing our own interests. Take that all away and you have two people who adore each other who are “sheltering-in-place” with nowhere to go. No dates. No trips to the beach. No entertaining the family. Just...us.

He’s a noisy sleeper. I have to be right all the time. He watches too much TV. I can’t keep a kitchen clean to save my life. He says “ambulance” wrong. I have too many Amazon packages arriving. 

24/7/56 and counting.

Just to be clear...there’s not a soul on the planet that I would rather be holed up with than this guy. Still...I miss camping with my girlfriends. I’m afraid I won’t get to go to Colorado this summer to see my family. I miss gathering for coffee with my high school classmates. I miss the two nights a week that Mr. FixIt bowled with his buddies and I got to stay home and read and take bubble baths. He would never say a word, but I’m sure he misses his lazy errand days where he went from store to store and chatted with all the people he was sure to run into that he knows. And, I’m pretty darned sure he misses the wife that didn’t nag all the time.

I think cabin fever has truly set in and we’re both getting a little frustrated by the restrictions. Everyone is. And that isn’t really bringing out the best in us. How do we maintain close personal relationships when “close” is all we got? Well, the first thing to remember is...just because we are sharing the same space doesn’t mean we are sharing intimacy. I’m not talking the making whoopie kind, although that’s great ( ! ! ! ). I’m talking about something they mentioned on CBS Sunday Morning yesterday. Skin hunger. 

We crave and thrive on physical touch. Without it, an important part of our daily needs is not being met. I went through this with my divorces and with the loss of Mr. Virgo. As a matter of fact, I had my physician prescribe a weekly massage for me when I was newly divorced so I could have at least some semblance of human touch. When I became a widow, there were people everywhere to give me hugs. Not so much for most people riding out this pandemic alone. And they can’t even go get a massage right now.

We are missing the strangers in our lives. The people we smiled at when we walked into a crowded restaurant. We miss the new people we meet and shake hands with. We miss the casual hand on the arm or the brush-by in a crowd. Now we look at others as threats...possible carriers of a deadly disease. It’s causing us to grieve that loss. And, if we are already grieving a loss and we are alone...it’s compounding that grief.

Good communication and physical contact goes a long way in getting you through the tough times in any relationship. This is even more important during a high stress event like we are currently experiencing. I know things will get better. The world will open up and we’ll be able to do things again...differently, perhaps. There WILL be a time when we can have some space from those we’ve been sheltering with...and some connection with others that we miss. When I absolutely need to, I take my laundry out to the farm and stay a day or two. Yesterday, I took a new cookbook I recently purchased and went out to the camper to read for a couple of hours while Mr. FixIt puttered around in the yard. 

I don’t like being not so nice. Like every situation...there is a beginning and an end. I can focus on making that space between the two a period of transition. Introspection. Personal growth. Temperance. A time to get a little closer to God and ask His help...maybe ask Him to put His hand over my mouth when I’m feeling testy.

This too shall pass. 

❤️

“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”

Proverbs 25:28 ESV