Jug For A Day

We are “of a certain age.” Y’all know what I’m talking about. We’re ALL doing it.

Bowel prep.

Fasting blood tests.

Twenty-four hour urines.

Oy!

How could peeing in a jug for a day be so complicated?

Doctor: Ok, the lab will be sending you a kit with the instructions, then you ship the urine back to them.

Me: Huh? We have to mail urine? Is this a thing?

(I’m picturing a fire in the post office and they’re like, “Hey Bob…give me that last batch of urine! We can put the fire out with that!”)

I’m so confused.

After the second request and a month goes by, the said box arrived. I read the directions. Seems pretty straightforward. As it turns out, you fill a small tube from the total collection. You do NOT ship a large gallon container full of pee through the mail.

Whew…I don’t have to smell my mail or look for stains on all those political contribution requests.

(Hey, wait……hmmmmm. Nah.)

Patient: I didn’t do it today. I’ll do it tomorrow.

Spouse: Hey, let me read those instructions. You can’t do it tomorrow. We won’t be home on Wednesday. Oh, that won’t work either…you have to be off Vitamin C for three days.

Patient: I know, I’ll do it Saturday and they can pick up the package on Sunday.

Spouse: Nope…they don’t do pickups on Sunday. Do it Sunday with a pickup on Monday.

Patient: I gotta bowl on Sunday night! I don’t want the guys to see me carrying a pee bucket! How about Monday with the pickup on Tuesday?

Spouse: (whining) I wanted to go camping next week! (looks at calendar) Ok, fine…Monday it is. But now we have to figure out a different camping date!

Patient: How’s two weeks from yesterday?

Spouse: Can’t. Bowel prep.

Sigh.

Till tomorrow, dear ones…

Ginny

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18‬:‭22‬ ‭NIV‬‬

#medical #tests #MedicalTests



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