Ok, now y’all went and made me cry. The other day I offered a prayer up for Anthea. She lost her husband about three weeks ago now. Those of us who have walked that path have an understanding of what she’s going through. She came to us via a recommendation by her dear friend, Debbie. Debbie sent me a private message and asked me what she could do to help her friend. I sent her some ideas and Debbie, being the angel-friend she is, immediately took steps to implement them. She delivered a Grief Support package to Anthea, who in turn sent me a picture and I wanted to share with you how easy it is to make a huge difference in a new widow/widower’s life.

One of the biggest problems I’ve encountered is people WANT to help but they either don’t know what to do or they’re afraid of doing the wrong thing. The following is my response to Debbie when she asked for help. Keep in mind these are the things that would/did help me and everyone is different. But they’re a good start.

“Debbie…seriously, the best things you can do is listen, listen, listen. The biggest hurdle I had was when everyone went on with their lives and I was left holding this bag of fragments that used to be my life. You feel abandoned all over again. Put a random mark on your calendar and keep checking in with her. Send her cards occasionally. Above all, unless you know what it’s like to lose your spouse, don’t say I know how you feel because it couldn’t come close. Don’t just say “Call me if you need me.” Because she likely won’t. Make a list of names and numbers of those people she can call anytime, day or night. If there are specific things or services they can provide, write that next to their name and number. Then give her copies of this list. Several of them. Put one on the fridge, in her purse, by the bed, on her phone. This is going to be a crazy time for her.

Help her understand how normal it is to feel crazy and out of control. Lost. And that her memory is shot now. She needs to write everything down. And I mean everything. Get her a small journal for her purse. Put notepads and pens around the house. Give her a beautiful journal for beside her bed and encourage her to write in it every day. If she says she can’t think of anything or that she isn’t a good writer, suggest she write letters to her husband. I wrote letters for a year and it really helped me. If you are a close enough friend that you can talk about finances, and especially if she is going to receive a life insurance policy, gently guide her to a financial counselor. Also, have the name and number of a good grief counselor available to give her. Other than all of that, just love her. And pray for her. Thanks for being such a good friend to her. She’s going to need you.”

The only thing I could add to this is if you are a close enough friend or family member that you have photographs of the loved one lost, please include them. I didn’t have nearly as many pictures of Mr. Virgo as I wish I had. Some more would have been welcomed, especially with planning a funeral or memorial service.

Y’all continue to amaze me. I can’t tell you how touching it was to see this. I love every one of you!

❤️

“Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.”

1 Timothy 5:3-5

Photo Credit: Anthea, fellow Rancher.