I’ve always told you I would be brutally honest about this roller coaster ride from hell. While I would love to tell you an uplifting story today with a good moral at the end, I can’t sit here and blow sunshine up your skirt. This hasn’t been a great few days. A lot has come into play…9/11, missing my CO family (why can’t we just combine the two states???), trailer lag, new time zone, coming down off my travel high, and Mr. Virgo’s birthday. His 65th. That was big. Well, it was GOING to be big. I mean, I’m ok…really. But, dammit…this sucks. This sucks in a big way. This sucks and sucks and sucks sometimes. I haven’t gotten around to seeing everyone since I got back and I feel bad about that. A friend and her family went out on the boat yesterday and I was SO looking forward to it but when it came time to go I got anxious and fretful and freaked out at not “being in control of my surroundings” and backed out at the last second. Then I spent the next two hours looking at the pictures they were posting and kicking myself for not going and berating myself.

But…it’s ok. It’s ok sometimes to have a nutty and drop out for a few days. It’s ok to listen to your body and your mind and your spirit and say, “You know what? I’m not up for this today. I’ll check back in with you when I’m feeling up to it.” It’s perfectly ok to park your butt wherever you need to park it, WHENever you need it parked, and you don’t owe anyone an apology or an explanation. Those who don’t understand or aren’t behind you 100% aren’t your tribe anyway. Grief is unpredictable. As it turned out, it was a good thing I was home. My friend had left her little dog in the outdoor run and he pulled a “Houdini”. I heard him barking and thought they were home from boating I went out to greet them and there was Jack, the little escape artist, bounding like a gazelle through the field heading straight for the guy running the corn harvester! I dropped down and called him and he happily changed direction to come get his belly rubbed.

Naughty boy!

So, it all turned out for the best. There will be other boating opportunities and other days of feeling like a million bucks. I’m grateful to my sister/friend Patty for helping me remember self-care is not self-indulgent…it’s imperative.

❤️

“Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers.”

1 Timothy 4:14-16