I so wanted to write a beautiful, totally upbeat story today about how wonderful my life is and how up and optimistic I’m feeling and how this day is just like every other day in my hap-hap-happy life. Yesterday morning, I could do that. And tomorrow, I’ll more than likely be able to. But today? Well, in all honesty…I don’t know how today is going to pan out. I can tell you, however, that I am writing this on Friday afternoon and Friday afternoon, I crashed and burned.

I was fine all day yesterday. Really fine. I exercised with my trainer/friend. We had a nice lunch and sat out in the sun. I ran errands. I took a little nap. I went to City Park to walk some more. And, that’s when it hit me. That incessant witch in my head that insists on pointing out every happy fricking couple driving through the park…walking together…holding hands on a warm, sunny, spring day. Today I hate them. Thankfully, tomorrow I won’t notice them. But today, they suck.

But…here’s the good news. Here’s what will give you hope. Even as I sat in my truck at the park, hands on the wheel, unable to get out, tears rolling down my cheeks to drip off my chin, momentary bitterness consuming me….even with that, a text came in offering understanding and a prayer that my angelversary goes well. And I knew, this angst and bitterness is, indeed, momentary. I haven’t had a long stretch of melancholia in a long time.

The uplifting text brought me out of my reverie and I dragged my feelings home to deal with them in a constructive way. I grabbed a beverage, turned on the gas campfire on the deck, and caught some great shots of the sun setting over my beloved Ohio River…its glassy surface reflecting the clouds. I settled into my chair and listened to the peepers calling from the pond across the cornfield. The phone rang and my spunky friend from high school called to check in and see how I’m doing. I’m doing fine, really. It’s just that…in that moment…it really sucked.

❤️

“You’ve kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book.”

Psalm 56:8 MSG