Hello, sweetheart!
Look at you…so young, so full of promise in your first grown up formal dress. Beside you is your first boyfriend, who becomes your first husband, the father of your first child, and…ultimately…your first divorce. It isn’t the first time you’re going to feel like a failure. And, sad to say, it isn’t your last. You have a problem that stems back long before this day. It isn’t your fault…your daddy drinks too much and isn’t a very good model of the man to look for. Oh, that fellow beside you there is a good man and years from now you’re going to learn to be friends. But, he just isn’t your guy for the long haul. Neither is the next one, as it turns out. Your “picker” is kinda broken and it all started with those shiny, patent leather Mary Janes…remember?
Mom took you to buy shoes. You were about nine or ten. You desperately wanted those black Mary Janes. Everyone was getting them. But, they only had one pair left and they were a little too small. When Mom said we’d keep looking you threw a fit and insisted they fit fine. You were so afraid if you didn’t take what was there, you’d never get what you so desperately wanted. Unfortunately, you repeat this over and over till you finally learn your lesson.
Leave the shoes, sweetheart. You honestly don’t need anything in your life that isn’t a perfect fit…be it shoes, jobs, men. Trust me, the right thing/person comes at the right time…exactly when you need it. Really.
Don’t put too much stock in what others think of you, either. You can trust your gut. You can do anything you want. Yeah, I know…you don’t get to be a doctor like you really want. But, you do ok for yourself with what you knew at the time.
Tell Mom or a teacher or a minister…somebody. Tell them about what happened at the hands of your abusers. You weren’t bad. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s ok…you don’t have to wait till you’re 35 to tell. By that time, there’s going to be so much damage done, it’s going to take a lot of work with a therapist to help you love yourself.
Now, here’s the most important thing. Don’t run away from God, honey. You feel Him knocking on the door of your heart. Open up and let Him in. Your life is completely healed when that happens. You don’t have to wait till you’re 51. Because, close on the heels of finding a relationship with God, you’re going to find a wonderful man who will be your champion. He will carry your heart on a velvet pillow. You’re going to lose him too soon, but your life is going to be so rich because of him.
Then again…when you’re 63, you’re going to know in your heart that you are the wonderful woman you’ve become because of the path you take. That 63-year-old self is pretty darned happy with her life.
Just do your best, dear heart. Know you are loved and never alone.
But…really, don’t buy those shoes. Keep looking.
❤️
“Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you.”
1 Timothy 4:14 ESV