We had an important appointment yesterday…one we’ve been putting off for too long. Time to make our wills. Not everyone dies with a will, but in my experience, if you really love your spouse you make a will. I didn’t realize how stressful this simple exercise would be for me. When you talk about wills, you are really talking about death. And I didn’t adequately prepare myself for all the feels that would well up surrounding that. 

Frankly, it made me upset. It didn’t occur to me that it would…but there it was. And when I get upset like that, it’s right in the pit of my stomach and makes me sick. It always has, so I don’t know why I’m surprised when it happened yet again. But there’s a level of shame in there….like, I should be stronger than this. 

Yesterday was warmer than it has been since last fall…clear up to 72! I was wandering around the house, preparing to go and willing myself to calm down and not let my nerves get the best of me. Mr. FixIt finally said, “What’s going on, honey? You ok?” He could tell…he knows me so well. I almost cried. I told him I was just freaking out a little and to give me some time.

I went back to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed and breathed slowly. I took something to settle my stomach. Then I had a brilliant idea…maybe we could have the appointment over the phone. I called the attorney’s office and they said that was absolutely doable…they would call me back in half an hour.

When they called, I was settled in my big red chair and Mr. FixIt in his. And in the comfort of our home, we loved each other through what was surprisingly difficult for me. I am so blessed I have a loving and supportive husband who really “gets” me. It didn’t matter one bit to him whether we had the appointment at home or in the attorney’s office or even if we rescheduled. His primary goal was my comfort doing something he knew upset me. I love him so much for all these little things.

The sun was gorgeous and the air was warm with the early breath of spring. I sat out on the steps of the deck and turned my face to the sun and let its warmth creep into my bones. Mr. FixIt went out to change the oil in my truck, and I curled up under a blanket and took a nap. When I got up, all was right in the world again. I am so grateful I am past the age when I beat myself up for not being “perfect”. I am what and who I am and so is my husband. This is why we are such a good team…it may not have worked between us when we were young and dumb. This way, I think we got the best version of each other.

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“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

Philippians 4:13 ESV