This weekend was a whirlwind of love and emotions and a little angst and a lot of laughs and huge doses of reality. Aging ain’t for sissies. Neither is watching your beloved brother decline more and more each time you visit. I couldn’t see him last year because of covid and, as you know, a lot of changes can come about in two short years. It was heart rending to see his condition, but I am so glad he’s moved into a place where there will be more assistance. We just need to have some productive conversations to delineate expectations for the future. These are not easy conversations to have.

After saying goodbye to the family members who came in for the party, we went to the store and bought my brother a charger for his phone. When we arrived at his new place, I discovered the charger didn’t fit, so I took it back. I had the phone with me and had to go to Walmart to get the right one. When I returned, I made sure the end fit his phone…big breath. Then I went to plug the other end in and realized we didn’t have the plugin piece for the USB. Grrrrr….back to the store and found one, brought it back to his place and got everything plugged in and charging.

There were hugs and promises to see him next spring and we made our way out to the truck. There were many friends I would have loved to visit when I was in town and there was one particular friend I really wanted to see. I envisioned driving by and just saying a quick hello, but it was getting late, we didn’t know if rain was coming or not, and we knew there would be Sunday afternoon traffic going back into Denver so I decided I’d just have to see her next time. She has twin daughters who are in the same program as my brother and when we walked out to our truck, there was Judy…parked right in front of us!!! Oh…I love how God delivers and gives us what we need!

We stopped and got coffee and they got the order wrong. We drove around the block and had them fix it. We stopped at the gas station, and hit the road. The devastation from the fire and floods in Glenwood Canyon were even more apparent heading east. That’s the side closest to the river and your view is clearer. It broke my heart to see the changes. It also was pretty awe inspiring to witness the power of nature to make permanent changes to the earth. This canyon will never look the same as we knew it, but future generations will stop at the rest areas and see educational plaques that tell of the raging fires and the devastation of a stationary set of monsoon rains that caused the draws to become roaring rivers of trees, boulders, and mud.

Traffic wasn’t bad. We toodled along, oohing and aahing over the glimpses of yellow as the aspen are beginning to change. I love the bright and cheery flashes of yellow and gold and almost-red that contrast with the deep green of the surrounding fir trees. All of a sudden, it hit me…I totally forgot to go visit Mr. Virgo’s grave! I spoke with others at different times over the weekend, pointing out Friday would have been his birthday. But there was so much going on with my brother that demanded my immediate care and attention…it never once even occurred to me to go to the cemetery.

I felt terrible. Like… “what is WRONG with me” terrible. I had every intention of going to the cemetery this trip…like I do every other trip. Finally, I decided to give myself a break. While this was a wonderful weekend with family, there were some things going on with my brother that were very upsetting. I was brokenhearted on the one hand, excited to see him and my family on the other. I was trying desperately to juggle everything without losing my cool. I was successful. I am sure Mr. Virgo would have been proud of the job I did this weekend. I know Mr. FixIt was. So, I cut myself a little slack and promised to go to the cemetery in May.

Life is hard enough without beating yourself up over things that sometimes get shoved out of busy brains and busy lives. God knows my heart. We’re good.

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“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10 ESV