Beware the Wolf

Wolf in sheep's clothing.

The other day when I wrote the post announcing my new love, one of my readers noticed the ring in the picture and remarked it was big and she certainly hoped I hadn’t loaned Mr. FixIt the money to buy it. At first, I was a little offended. After all, she doesn’t know me or Mr. FixIt. I always like to respond in some way to everyone who takes the time to write comments on my blog. This time I waited a couple of days to respond. I knew there was a teaching moment in there. I just wanted to make sure it was the right lesson.

Once I took the time to think through what my reader had said, I realized her intent was honorable…and quite legitimate. She knew a widow who had fallen prey to a scam artist and she lost everything. She now lives in an efficiency apartment with her worldly goods and a small pension. My initial response was much like what one of the following articles states…”Well, that couldn’t possibly happen to me!” Come on, it’s not like ANYONE gets up one morning and says, “Gosh, I think I’ll go out and fall in love and lose all my money today.” Lonely, mostly older women who are single, divorced, or widowed are quite often approached by scam artists posing as single, divorced, or widowed men…most often on Facebook and dating sites. They strike at our most vulnerable moments…the holidays. They know we are alone. They know they can’t get us all…but they can get some and that keeps them coming back for more.

I have received countless unsolicited friend requests from “military men” and “foreign contractors” with handsome profile pictures. When I last tried match.com a couple of years ago, the most common trait of the men who approached me online were 6’2″, Catholic, a widower, retired, and had a mid six-figure income. Seriously…if a man is that good looking and has that much money, he sure as the dickens doesn’t need to troll on match.com to find dates. He’s going to (more than likely) hook up with that 40-something tennis player down at the country club. Once you see these phonies, you recognize them and you can move on. They are banking on the newbies…the most nervous, the scared, the most unsure, the most vulnerable. I bit once before I figured it out. I have no idea what he took from me. My profile, most likely. Somewhere out there, there could be a fake profile with my picture, trying to scam widowers. I hate that, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Back when I was attempting to date, I had no problem running a background check on someone who expressed an interest in me. I started out with a simple Google search. Then I contracted with a reputable background search company and placed an order. Within a few hours, I received a fairly detailed report. You do need to have the person’s birthday to get more accurate results so there would more than likely need to be some initial contact, but it’s easy and can save you a lot of heartache down the road. The most accurate indicator is your gut. If this guy seems too good to be true, he probably is. Move on if there are doubts. It’s just not worth losing a minute’s rest over.

The problem with this kind of crime is, it often goes unreported out of embarrassment. No one wants to admit to falling for a scam. There are legitimately wonderful, fully available, honorable men out there. They often don’t come forward though. They don’t want to come on too strong. And they don’t want to get shot down. If you want to be in a relationship and no one is beating a path to your door, try starting a conversation in the produce section of the local market or the library or church. Try NOT to be a Casserole Queen…that semi-desperate woman who pounces on every new widower or divorced man in the neighborhood and shows up with the best fried chicken in five counties. Because…there’s going to be fifteen other Casserole Queens right behind you. Be the one who is different, who can offer something the others can’t. Mr. FixIt is a mechanically adept individual. It just impresses the heck out of him that I can back a camper up on a dime and have a nickel left over and mow the lawn in a single session. Beyond the fact that we’ve been friends for nearly half a century, I have some mad skills in areas that interest him. That’s what good men look for…good women who are interesting and can bring something to the table. One whiff of desperation will send him packing. It should work that way for you as well. If a man comes on too strong or wants too much too fast, don’t worry about hurting their feelings. You have no one to look out for your best interests but yourself. Listen to your gut. Choose “alone” over “Mr. Wrong”.

Today I head out on my big trip!!! I’ll be giving you the play-by-play but I won’t divulge my exact location in real time. I’ll tell you about the campgrounds and sites the day after I leave them. This is for my own safety. While I’ll miss the heck out of Mr. FixIt…I’m so excited to see my babies! And, I love a road trip!!!

Here are some articles for reference.

Facebookery: Scammers Targeting Middle-Aged, Single Women

https://www.google.com/amp/amp.timeinc.net/time/money/4718423/online-phony-boyfriend-scam/%3Fsource%3Ddam

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2228686/Widow-69-conned-105-00-tricked-selling-house.html

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/the-sweetheart-scam-169804.htm

❤️

“How useless to spread a net where every bird can see it! These men lie in wait for their own blood; they ambush only themselves! Such are the paths of all who go after ill-gotten gain; it takes away the life of those who get it.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭1:17-19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

35 thoughts on “Beware the Wolf

  1. Something I read has stuck in my mind…. ” most men these days are looking for a nurse or a purse”. Sorry to lump them all together but…….. Anyway, I have always lived in a rural area where you knew everything about everyone or at least could find out most things about them. I have found that I am just not comfortable meeting new men who are complete strangers and could be one of those “wolves”. That’s just me, too old and too scared to risk losing it all. And that’s fine for me. There really are worse things in life than being lonely. I continue to pray that if it’s meant to be that God will send me someone. After all, He sent me my Jerry and I won’t settle for anything less these days. I wish love and joy to all, we each have our own road to travel.

  2. Early in my widowhood I met someone. I had spent almost 2 hrs taking care of TB before he passed away and I needed to be needed. This man needed me. It was a year ride of me spending my money to the tune of a large amount to make us (him) happy. Everyone but me saw this wolf for what he was and tried to talk to me. I would not listen. I learned a very expensive lesson, both in money and emotions. The wolf is out there and he is ready to prey on you.

  3. Thanks for your wonderful, simple insight on a subject we need to be aware of everyday. I love the scripture that you find to bring your blog into perspective. Safe travels and enjoy your rest of the summer in another one of our beautiful states!! Your family and friends are so blessed

  4. I noticed the beautiful ring as well. I assumed it was a ring from Mr. Virgo. That you moved to your right hand. I’m glad the lady was willing to speak up out of concern for you. That took guts too. Enjoy your trip and visiting your family. Praying for fun, safe travels.

  5. Nice job Ginny, it’s sad that being lonely also makes you a prime victim for so many ugly people. Drive safe.

  6. I met my new love on an online dating site. My sister threw a fit when I went to meet him. Turned out to be the best thing that happened to me since my husband passed away. We have so many common interests- both love to dance, both love to garden, both love to do similar things. We haven’t been apart since we met 2 years ago. To this day – she won’t speak to me because she don’t want to admit she was wrong about him. Safe travels & enjoy your family. ❣️

  7. Very good article and well said. I believe in following your gut, don’t be afraid to walk the path alone and stay true to yourself. God will always lead you and give you the joys of life if you will have faith. Enjoy your trip and will look forward to future post.

  8. Dear Ginny, I love the fact that you did not have a ‘knee jerk reaction’ to the person’s comment about the ring on your finger. I applaud you for sharing your story on dating sites as well!
    Good luck on your journey with “Mr. Fix It” may you travel many Happy Trails together and grow as you go!
    Cis

  9. Good answer Ginny.

    Have a wonderful trip. Looking forward to your posts on campgrounds etc.

    Safe travels.

  10. Your insight is very helpful to me. Thank you for your honest emotions expressed
    I have not dated as yet and I am not looking. It has been 17 years
    We as mature women have different needs. I needed to learn to live alone and like it. I married at 16 and didn’t really have a chance to grow up … Now I’m growing and grace and joy of self-love and esteem
    Thank you again for your wonderful blogs Gini from Georgia.

  11. I also love it that you waited a few days to respond as you took a breath and listened to her side . We all could probably use some help in that department. Have a good trip!
    Chris German

  12. Praying for safe travel! It’s beautiful out here in Colorado-minus the areas that have wildfire & smoke ?.

  13. FB is a flea market too! I guard myself, and don’t respond to the men who wish to be my friend. It is a game to them maybe, but not me. I appreciate your post. It is the most thorough and clearly defined blog I have ever read. Thanks. The Scriptures do teach us if we but take the time to search them. I appreciate the time and response you did not pounce with. Genuine and heart given❤️.

  14. Thank you for the advice. I’ve gotten quite a few of these friend requests on Facebook and delete them. I’m glad you’re so careful about posting where you are traveling alone. Have a good trip.

  15. I had the experience of having a good retail customer confide in me after she lost almost all she had to someone from out of state whom she met and who 3 years of ‘bliss’ later, said “sell your house and move in with me” married her and about a year later sued for divorce, and took 1/2 of everything she had. He waited, and bided his time, likely had done it before. Same happened to a successful business woman who bought our last home. She was living in a small trailer in a state park campground! Luckily for her, our home was small and in her price range. So, yes, it literally PAYS to be careful. Thanks for pointing out BACKGROUND CHECKS.
    Have a wonderful summer–say hello to Colorado for me!

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