I did what I promised myself I would do yesterday. I got up and fixed breakfast. We opened our little gifts to each other. I got Mr. FixIt a reaching tool with a magnet and a light on one end so he can pick things up off the ground when he’s working. I also got him a movie that he mentioned he liked…”Secondhand Lions”. He bought me a sturdy camping table and a beautiful pale pink cashmere sweater. I think he spoiled me. We both loved our gifts. We have to count the new camper, the cell phones, and a new set of pots and pans that were purchased in the months leading up to the holidays. That’s why we went slim on the gifting.

I took a nap in the afternoon and then started a big batch of chili in the slow cooker. We picked up around the house and vacuumed. I wrapped presents. And the only thing I’ll have to do this morning is make the cinnamon rolls for our Christmas gathering with some of my bonus family this afternoon. 

I went ahead and bought some more of that cotton yarn I like for knitting dishcloths. I like to sit and knit something mindless that I don’t have to count stitches or rows or try to keep on a pattern. I have plenty of sock yarn but that’s not what I’m into right now. I need something easy that reduces stress, not add to it. I received a beautiful gift on Friday from one of my dearest friends. We camp together and I am forever borrowing knitting needles to work on something different at the campground. So, for Christmas, she sent me a whole set of circular needles and two skeins of sock yarn tucked in a gift sack she made herself. She is amazing. She has ten kids and umpteen grandkids and renovates houses and helps with the family and does stuff for everyone. She’s one of the most selfless people I know. And she took the time to make the gift sack. I love her dearly.

I started out the day feeling poorly again, but by the afternoon, I was fine again. I’d swear, if I didn’t know better, I’d think I was pregnant! Thank you God that those days are long behind me. Maybe it’s a bug that’s been going around. Maybe it’s stress. I’m reading a couple of wonderful devotionals that are really helping. They’re called “10 Days of Defeating Anxiety” and “Grace? What’s That?: Devotions from Time of Grace. They remind me to take every thought captive and hand them to God. He loves me unconditionally, no matter what I’ve done or how many times I make mistakes. I can rest in that. I don’t have to control everything because I can’t. I don’t have to worry about tomorrow because there’s enough to worry about today.

I’ve been fixating on a couple of events that are coming up. Mr. FixIt has an appointment with an eye specialist. I’m sure he’s fine and anything that needs to be done will be a simple fix. But…he’s my boo and I worry. Then Thursday I have that procedure where they do venous sampling to try to locate these lost parathyroid glands. It’s done like a cardiac cath where they run a wire up into the veins in my neck and chest and take blood samples in various areas. Then they’ll test them for PTH and hopefully they can find the drainage from the offending gland so we can locate it and get it out of there. The procedure takes about four hours, laying on your back on an x-ray table. And, I’ll be mostly awake so I can follow directions. 

I’m trying not to let it freak me out, but medical things trigger my PTSD. I know this is a lot of personal information I share here. But, I also know, a lot of other people have these same feelings and they have no one to tell them they aren’t alone. Many times you all have said I speak the things you are thinking but don’t have the words for. It’s a really vulnerable thing to share like I do. And sometimes it’s scary. I just know that God gave me this ministry for a reason and that’s to inform, comfort, enlighten, and share my experiences as they have affected me so you know you aren’t weird for thinking or feeling this or that.

I know the ride has been a little bumpy the last couple of weeks. Thanks for hanging in there with me. You have no idea what a comfort you all are to me. Because, I learn I’M not alone either. I hope you had as good a Christmas as you could have. I know there are some who are hurting this year and it was the worst ever. Please know my heart is with you.

❄️

““Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”

Matthew 6:34 ESV