My son-in-law’s mom sent me an article yesterday. Published in the Times of London, the article…”My husband walked out. This is what heartbreak did to my body” follows Florence Williams, a journalist and author, as she struggles after divorce. Williams was struck with Type I Diabetes in the year after her husband left her. It was her first experience with heartbreak and, being a scientific writer, she looked for a scientific solution. The two years following her divorce became a kind of experiment where she tried all manner of solutions to ease her grief.

It has been known for quite some time that grief and heartbreak can cause physiological changes in the body and not just emotional ones. Broken Heart Syndrome is an actual physiological response to stressful situations and extreme emotional distress. Williams went to see Steve Cole at UCLA. He specializes in a field called “psychoneuroimmunology” which studies the effect your mental state has on your immunity. Cole tested Florence for stress markers in her blood and found she was in the red zone for risk of developing serious illness. 

With a laundry list of possible “cures”, Williams set out to try to heal her broken heart scientifically. She did everything from EMDR to meditation to a solo kayak trip in the wilderness only to find her numbers didn’t improve. At around the two year mark, she tried hallucinogenics in a controlled therapeutic setting and through that experience, gained some clarity in where she sits in the grand scheme of things. Her stress numbers began to come down at that point.

Now, whether the improvement came from the hallucinogenics or the tincture of time, I don’t know. I do know in my own personal experience my first year was bad, my second year was brutal, and my third year became my breakout year of personal growth and finding myself. I have several friends in different places in their widow journey. They are anywhere on the spectrum from starting new relationships to vowing never to go down that path again. 

The bottom line is, there is no right or wrong way to grieve..there is only your way. There isn’t a magic formula that miraculously relieves heartache. But, who knows? Maybe scientists will find a way to watch your stress numbers, then watch what you’re doing, and when it works tell you to do more of that. For me, it seems more logical to follow some pretty basic advice I was given. 

1. Take your time after heartbreak before you jump into something else…a major move, a new relationship, a different job. That feel good rush may not last long and then you’re left ripping off the bandaid revealing a gaping wound.
2. Eat right, drink plenty of water, exercise, and get enough rest.
3. Go outside and immerse yourself in nature as much as possible. Trees and sunshine heal.
4. Don’t make huge financial decisions in the first year or two.
5. Avoid alcohol and drugs.
6. Work for balance…emotional, physical, and spiritual. 
7. It’s ok to say no without explanation.
8. Be gentle with yourself when you need to.
9. Kick yourself in the butt when you need to.
10. Always remember, you aren’t alone. Be sure you have a support system set up with family, friends, clergy, therapist…whoever can help when the going gets tough. God is always available…24/7/365.

You can read the entire article HERE.   https://apple.news/AP5fPBbk-QKWTOwa73jk11w

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“The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. For the Lord protects the bones of the righteous; not one of them is broken!”

Psalms 34:17-20 NLT