We’ve talked a lot over the years about anxiety and depression. I had a period of time in my forties when I was clinically depressed. There was a lot going on…a difficult marriage, trying to be a good mom to a 16 year old AND a new baby, and dealing with the newly remembered memory of childhood sexual assault while my children were the same age as I was when it occurred. It was a really difficult time in my life.

It took a long time, but I finally got off all the medicines because I had a LOT of therapy. I gained the tools I needed to recognize an impending slump and to cut it off at the knees. There have been times I’ve danced around the big black hole that is depression. Maybe even slipped in a little. But I have climbed out and thrived again 100% of the time. It isn’t easy.

The holidays are hard on people. Especially people with soft hearts and tender feelings. I believe those who have experienced great loss are more susceptible to depression. But those are my thoughts. I’ve not seen any studies about it. It just seems that way to me. I do know along with the advent of cold, dark nights come cold, dark thoughts.

When I was in the throes of depression, it seemed I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t take a shower or brush my teeth. I couldn’t cook or clean. It was all I could do to meet the most minimal of my family’s needs. And the worse things got, the worse I felt about myself because I knew I was failing them. I just couldn’t stop. I couldn’t pull up out of it.

I always feel the slump of the winter blues. Seasonal Affective Disorder is a real thing that a lot of people feel at this time of year. There are a lot of tools that can help keep you from sliding down that slippery slope into depression. Here are some that really help me.

1. When you get up in the morning, get dressed and make your bed. You are less likely to crawl back in if the bed is made. And, even if you only make it to the couch, you’re dressed and that’s better than nothing.

2. Don’t drink alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and, while it may make you feel a little better in the moment, in the long run it’s just going to make things worse.

3. Watch what you eat. Try to get more fruits and vegetables in and lay off the fast, fatty foods.

4. Go for a twenty minute walk at midday. Even if the sun isn’t shining, it’s the brightest part of the day and the activity will get your blood flowing. The endorphins that release with even moderate exercise really help.

5. Don’t rely on other crutches like shopping to help you cope. Negative coping strategies equal NO coping strategies. I know a little treat can help boost your mood, but when there are too many treats and the bills start making you anxious, it’s time to try a different coping tool.

6. Pick up a hobby. I couldn’t have started a king sized quilt when I was in the depths of despair because I didn’t have the bandwidth. Instead, I doodled and journaled. I had a whole stack of journals and I poured my heart out. I drew little pictures and designs. It helped to get the feelings out. Writing this blog has been an excellent tool to keep the gloomies at bay.

7. And finally…most importantly…I meditate and pray every day. Keeping Jesus front and center and reading God’s directions help keep me afloat. 

I didn’t expect to go to town yesterday, but I received a text from the pharmacy that I had a prescription ready. I needed to pay a bill, and there were just a few more Christmas presents to buy for the littles. On my drive in, I felt Sparky’s presence for the very first time since she died. I couldn’t figure out why I never felt her close like I’ve felt my mom and Mr. Virgo. I was thinking to myself how much I really, really miss her and all of a sudden I could hear her as clear as day in my head. She was a salty broad…shot from the hip with language that could make a sailor blush. I won’t tell you exactly what I heard because those words are “not safe for work”. Let’s suffice it to say, she was kicking me in the butt and telling me to get over it and get on with living. She’s right, of course. She would kick me into next week for being a sad sack because of her. It’s been a year today. 

I think that’s exactly why I “heard” from her yesterday. I’ve given her a year of mourning. I’ve honored her memory. I’ve shared our story. And I’ll carry her memory with me always. It’s a turning point in my grief journey. One of many I’ve had. One of many to come, I’m afraid. That’s the nature of life. There is always someone to grieve. It is the price we pay for love.

So, here’s to Sparky…may she Rest In Peace and never be far from the thoughts of those who loved her best.

❤️‍?

“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.”

Proverbs 27:9 ESV