Goodnight, moon…shine on!
What a perfect day for a bridal shower. Our oldest granddaughter…one of my bonus grandkids…is getting married in June and yesterday was her bridal shower at her soon-to-be mother-in-law’s lovely home. First, let me say, their house is exactly six blocks up the street from Mom’s house where I grew up. The difference between our humble, but altogether reasonable, home and this abode was night and day. When I was a kid, I used to pick daisies in the field where this house is.
I arrived precisely at 12:00 and there were already quite a number of people there. Some I knew…some I did not…but introductions were made and thank goodness there wasn’t a test after. I’m awful with names! When they guided me to the room where the action was, my jaw dropped. I’m telling you…we could have been having lunch in a country club! All the furniture had been moved and five big round tables were set with white chairs all around. The decorations would make any event planner proud. Our granddaughter chose a pink floral theme with big puffy peonies and other soft, yummy flowers. There was a mimosa bar and the finger foods were perfect. We watched her open her gifts and everyone oohed and ahhed.
There were game cards at each place setting. The last card in the stack was blank and asked for marriage advice. My first response…in my head, of course…was, ”What? You’re asking ME for marriage advice? I’m on my fourth husband!” But then I stopped that negative selftalk and changed it to…I’ve had a TON of experience in this department! So, in that vein, here is what I wrote.
“Marriage isn’t 50/50…it’s 100/100. You each need to go all in to make a marriage work. There will be times when one or the other of you will be out of sorts and someone will have to pick up the slack. But don’t worry…their turn will come and they’ll be the one carrying a little more. And, when the tough times come…and they WILL come…stop and look at your spouse and say to yourself, “I choose to love him/her.” Do this repeatedly. It will soften your heart and may keep you from saying something out of anger that you’ll regret later.”
If I would have learned this at an earlier age…well, you know. I can’t help but think it would have saved me a lot of grief. We can’t control anyone or anything. But we CAN learn to control our reactions. It’s like I told my daughters when I was raising them…we cannot live long enough to make ALL the mistakes, so please do yourself a favor and learn from the mistakes of others.
I’ll be 70 in a little over a month. I love being this age! Seriously. I have more insight and compassion than at any other age. My bulls*** meter can read game from a mile away. I can speak from my heart without apologizing for taking up too much space in the room. I love this age!
My bonus daughter called me last night while I was writing this. She asked me if I was feeling ok at the shower. I told her I was perfectly fine…why? She said I seemed subdued and she wanted to make sure I was ok. I smiled because I understood what she was sensing. I am a bonus grandma to the bride to be. I wasn’t there through the formative years. I didn’t hold her in my arms as my very first grandchild. I didn’t bounce her on my knee or push her on a swing or kiss her booboos. I didn’t get school photos every year or go to her sporting events and graduations. Those memories are her grandma’s…the former Mrs. FixIt. This was HER time to shine and be in the spotlight. I love these girls as my own, but my place was to attend with love and joy and watch the beautiful interactions play out in front of me. I don’t need to be the center of attention.
When the bride-to-be was opening her gifts, it came time to open her grandma’s. It was a beautiful cross-stitched wedding blessing, matted and framed. Oh, y’all…I wish you could have seen her grandma beaming. It was glorious to watch that bond between grandmother and her first grandchild…now all grown up and getting married. It took the former Mrs. FixIt three years to cross-stitch that beautiful gift. As I looked on, I was SO relieved that the quilt I made wasn’t back from the quilter! I wouldn’t have wanted to take one second of that joy away from them. This is what Jesus commanded us to do. To treat others as we would want to be treated.
It was a perfect day…all the way around. After I got home and changed, I gathered some things together and came out to The Farm for a few days to work on the shop. The internet works really well here. And besides…I needed a little farm fix.
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“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”
James 1:5-8 NIV
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In a world where you can be anything…be kind!
“…we cannot live long enough to make ALL the mistakes, so please do yourself a favor and learn from the mistakes of others.”
I LOVE this!! That is some good advice! So was the advice you gave the bride-to-be. After nearly 40 years of marriage I agree that it takes both partners willing to give 100%.
As usual, you inspire me. I struggled through my 50’s and sure couldn’t see what everyone thought was so great about that decade. And now I am in my first year of my 60’s still being pulled in many directions as a daughter/caregiver, mom to a struggling young adult daughter, and an aging Maltese! There is so little time to remember who I am and what I like to do. My husband is a huge support and partner. I aspire to be where you are at 70…wise and self-confident, living my best life. ❤️
Thank you, dear one. When I was your age, I was a brand new widow trying to figure out how I was going to do life without my husband. I never could have dreamed I’d be where I am today. You are in my heart, dear one. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and move forward. Prayers! ???