A Quarter of a Century

Most people have their big day of introspection on New Year’s Day. Or maybe their birthday. For me? It’s January 6th. I have been sober for 25 years today. This is a really big deal for me. I look back at the life I was leading at the time and I was really so sick. I was chronically depressed…clinically depressed. Even after years of therapy and way too many meds I was literally the walking dead.

I wasn’t being a good mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter. I was in one of those “too good to leave, too bad to stay” marriages that was killing both of us. But we just couldn’t seem to let go and get healthy. Then the overdose happened. I didn’t really want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. I could have easily died that night. Thank God I didn’t have any alcohol on board or I would have.

I spent many, many years blaming my ex-husband for all my problems. We were both responsible for things getting as bad as they did. But, as I’ve aged…matured…ripened?…I can see the hand of God in what I went through. God gives us free will. And when we go down lanes he doesn’t approve of, He sometimes takes a step back and says, “Interesting choice, my child. I’ll be here when you come to your senses.” Eventually I have come to believe Hubby #2 gave me the greatest gift of all.

He made me take care of myself and get the help I needed. On my own. I had become obvious to him, I needed something different than what we’d been doing for the last ten years. I “went away” for a while and spent some time in a Behavioral Unit…a delicate way of saying “the loony bin.” That was the bottom of the barrel for me and it was a very long and emotional climb out.

I chatted with my ex on Saturday evening. I wanted to make sure he knew that I hadn’t wasted the gift he gave me. He told me my sobriety was his reward. I am a totally different person than I was on January 6, 2000. The biggest change came when I turned to Jesus in January of 2004 after my mom died. That’s when I was healed and made new.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health or with drugs or alcohol, don’t give up. Have them dial 988 for assistance. Someone there can provide resources.

I doubt seriously I’ll have twenty-five more years ahead of me as I’d be 96. But I’ll sure suit up and show up for every day that God sees fit to give me. And I’ll be grateful for it all. The good, the bad, the in-between. I thank everyone who has been there for me in the reinvention of Ginny McKinney.

To my family, my friends, and my readers…I thank you from the bottom of my heart!