I miss you. I sense you around every corner. I hear your laughter in the mountain stream as I bait my hook. I see your smile in the pink glow of the setting sun. I smell you on your jacket…earth, tobacco, leather. I feel your touch with the noonday sun on my shoulders.

I miss you. I taste your lips in an olive and bread and pomegranates. I remember our only dance. I ache for the memory to come alive, for just a moment, so I can hold you once again in my arms, feeling our bodies sway in time with the music.

I miss you. I miss the intensity of your blue eyes when you told me I was adored. The way they crinkled when you told a funny story. The way they looked off in the distance toward the mountains, yearning to be off in the woods.

I miss you. The cup of coffee in bed. The hand on the small of my back leading me to the table at our favorite restaurant. Holding hands in the car. The sound of your voice when you called me your baby doll.

I miss you. The cigar on the golf course. The Tuesday drives. The history and opera lessons. The stories…ahhhh, the stories.

I miss you. The romantic greeting cards. The surprise orchids. The hand extended across the table between courses. The soft breathing by my side.

I miss you. The pretend boxing matches in the kitchen. The tickles. The bear hugs. The warm chocolate chip cookies. The sweetness of your smile in the dark.

I miss you. Oh, I miss you so much my breath gets caught in my chest. I miss you with the tears that stung just behind my eyes when I found your note…”Happy Valentine’s Day, my Love!” I miss you in the birdsong out my window, the call of the elk bugling across the valley, in the sunrise you were so fond of.

Today, I will miss you with the white heat of the sun. Today, my heart will break open yet again. Today, my pain will sear my brain and paralyze me with fear. And tomorrow? Tomorrow, my sweet Mr. Virgo, I will begin the next chapter. I will spread my wings and fly. I will be strong, and brave, and courageous. I will step out of my comfort zone and live the life God intends me to live.

But, for today….I miss you.