I’m sure most of you will relate to this to some extent…I feel like I’ve grown up more in the last year than I have in my whole life. Widowhood forces you to really look deep at yourself, your core values, your beliefs, your goals. A friend of mind told me today that nothing strikes fear in your heart more than death and money. That is so true.

I was talking with one of my best friends the other night. I was telling him there has only been a couple of years in my life that I took care of myself (and my child) all on my own. The rest of the time, I’ve had a partner to share the burden with me. I’ve been a “kept woman” for most of my adult life. I was always grateful. I wasn’t always appreciative. And, in the long run, it did not serve me well.

I am fortunate to have at least some money to allow me to have taken this past year to regroup. I was not nearly as careful with my money as I should have been. I’ve spoken to many other widows who say the same thing, so it’s not just me. We’ve all made financial mistakes. The best you can hope for is that they were not disastrous.

There are other mistakes we make and we wonder if we learned ANYTHING in our younger years. We have jumped into relationships too fast. We have given things away too soon. We thought we were sane. Ha! Medically speaking, there are many similarities between grief and pathology. In other words, we really can be pretty crazy when we are actively grieving.

One of the first things I was told was “Do NOT make big, life changing decisions in the first year.” For the most part, I stuck to that. I went to a financial advisor and she drew up a great plan. It’s not that I ignored it, per se. I just couldn’t see how it pertained to me. I know…crazy. I’ve said this before, but I can almost pinpoint on the calendar the exact day I came out of the fog and realized I’d spent too much money. It was devastating. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ok. I’m not losing my house or anything like that. There’s still enough of the life insurance left to get by for a year if I’m frugal. I am very grateful. But, I’ve definitely made mistakes.

Now I’m at that point in my life where I’m going to have to do something to bring in money. I need to re-learn the skills I had as a young, single mom so I can support myself. I know, I know…I’m 60 years old, right? It’s almost embarrassing that I am just now doing this. So, unless I WIN Powerball (which I hear you actually have to buy tickets for! Who knew?), or some extremely wealthy benefactor comes along and offers to take care of me, I’m going to have to get a real J-O-B. Gosh…I’m such a princess…really, I am.

For sale: One very well used tiara! Inquire within.