I have a magnet on my fridge that says “May you live all the days of your life!” A sound reminder that we can so easily become complacent in life. The devil you know is better than the one you don’t. Wrong! It took the awakening of spring to shake me out of my winter reverie. I went into hibernation as a means to just “get through” the long, cold darkness of another Colorado winter. My first winter without Mr. Virgo here to keep my home fires burning. As soon as the days started to get longer, I stretched and raised my head to look around only to find myself stagnant and unmoving. Like a bear emerging from her den, I went in search of food. I fed myself on the spring shoots called “fun in the sun”, and formulated a plan. I can sit here till the cows come home and write and expound on my deepest thoughts, but I am like anyone else…I sometimes have trouble following my own advice. Better late to the party than to never have bought the dress!

I stopped at Lowe’s after work and bought flowers for the front porch. When I got home, my next door neighbor was loading up a bunch of trash and the old hot tub from my yard onto a trailer to take it to the dump for me. Nice kids, these neighbors. Afterwards, it was hot and sticky. I turned on the air conditioner and took a quick snooze. Caught up with my Facebook friends and now I’m out in TOW-Wanda enjoying the sounds of the crickets and the neighborhood kids squeezing out the last of the sunlight before their mamas call them in for the night. It’s cool sitting here, propped up on my pillows in front of the open window, the gentle evening breeze brushing against the back of my neck.

It’s funny how this journey brings you to such polarizing moments. Right now I am peaceful and content. Last Wednesday I was standing in the hall closet clinging to Mr. Virgo’s jacket, crying. It’s exhausting to ride the roller coaster of emotions. I’ve been told the second year was harder for many of my readers who are widowed. I can understand that. The first year you’re numb. The second year you’re well aware of what has happened and have pretty much resigned yourself to this new, solitary life. And it reminds you over and over that you aren’t a couple anymore. But I refuse to become one of the lost souls who can’t make it past this. I will fight with every ounce of my being to live the life Mr. Virgo was denied. And when those times of complacency settle over me, I will set a weekly alarm on my calendar to call a meeting of the Board of Directors (table for one, please) and discuss where this life is headed. Am I meeting my goals? Am I moving forward, even if it’s a snail’s pace? Do I need to touch base with someone I trust to make sure everything is ok? AM I ok? This week, I am fine. This week, I am up to my armpits in alligators and that makes everything else easier to deal with. <3