If this is your first Christmas without your loved one, you must be prepared for something. Facebook Memories. They pop up, unbidden. They take you back, whether you want to go or not. I remember seeing the memories before the holidays, but man…once they started showing me Thanksgivings and Christmases past? That was brutal because I wasn’t prepared.

I’m in a different place now, for the most part. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel Mr. Virgo’s absence or that I don’t ever get sad. I do. Just not as deep and not as long. A photo from 2009 showed up this morning. It was just the tree in the living room. Then I remembered this one and went searching for it. This was his last Christmas. We couldn’t possibly have imagined that. We were back in the mountain house after having lived away for a few years. We always put our tree up on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. We watched “White Christmas” and football. We had a nice dinner and sat in the dark with the lights on the tree as the only illumination. Mr. Virgo had this special brand of candle that smelled of pine. OMGosh! That thing reeked…but he loved it and I tolerated it for him.

When I see this picture now, I’m filled with warm memories and a certain bit of melancholy that is becoming more like nostalgia with each passing year. I have learned to love this life that I built for myself, but I stand at the edge of the man-shaped hole in my heart and throw a wreath in the waves that come in. I observe. I hold tight to those memories. I smile a bit. I let my heart hurt a bit. I let myself “feel” grief. Because, the only way to get through grief is to grieve. And even though most days my ship is steady in the water, there are some still that are rocky. I have a much better feel for sailing now than I had three years ago. I know which way the wind blows and God is the Captain of my ship. ❤️

“It’s smooth sailing all the way with GOD-of-the-Angel-Armies.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭84:10-12‬ ‭MSG‬‬