One of my sweetest friends in the world shared a YouTube video yesterday. It was Josh Groban singing “To Where You Are”…a hauntingly beautiful song about grief. She said it reminded her of me. I sat in my truck and listened and, of course, I cried.

I have a compartment in my heart where I have carefully stored the pain of losing Mr. Virgo. There is much scar tissue around that spot now and I don’t open it up to inspect the contents so much anymore. I used to look in often, hoping against hope that the chamber would be empty and I would be free from the pain. But I found it was always there…fresh and raw, the same as it always was. I came to realize it will truly always be there..it will never go away. The difference is, I have the key on my keychain now. I’m the Keeper of the Key. I can open it up or I can keep it safely tucked away.

This is entirely different than denial. I KNOW it’s there. I also know that things have to get done in my life and I can’t just sit with it in my lap all the time with the wailing and gnashing of teeth. I’ve been so busy with selling my house and moving that I haven’t opened that box for quite awhile. This morning I did, for just a bit, and the most amazing thing happens when I do that.

I had my Kleenex moment and hit the road. I had my iPad plugged into the truck’s sound system, set on “random”. The first song that played was Etta James singing “At Last”. Like thousands of other couples, this was the song we danced to at our wedding…the only time Mr. Virgo ever danced with me. Then came Steve Robin singing “Little Things”. When I gave Mr. Virgo’s guitar to Yampah Mountain High School’s music program, their star guitar player lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw it. He picked it up and sang “Little Things” to me. I love when I get these gifts…these moments when I feel assured he is no more than a breath away from me. Who knows? I may love again. And, Mr. Virgo will be my forever love. <3