“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
Psalm 51:10 NIV
We leave pieces of ourselves everywhere. Bits of our heart and spirit get left behind where we’ve lived, loved, worked, played. Big chunks are tied to places we have experienced great love…as well as great pain. The more we leave behind, the less we have for ourselves. The less we have leftover to leave in spaces that serve us.
My good friend Marion is a Reiki Master, an amazing artist, and one of my most devoted “editors” who regularly finds my typos and helps me save face. The other day, she casually commented on one of my posts. I was feeling stretched thin and she suggested calling these bits of my spirit home.
Yesterday, I drove around Denver to the places where so much of my “self” has been left behind. Every place I went I let myself feel the attachment and asked myself if this was a good, healthy place to be attached to. When it comes to my Colorado family, the answer is an unequivocal yes. Part of my heart will always be with them. But, how about that place I used to work? Or that house I lived In when I married my second husband? Or that park we picnicked in when we didn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of? How about the medical school that was so much a part of my life? Or the hospital I stayed in when I “dropped my basket” back in 2000? Those places don’t need pieces of my spirit attached to them.
I drove around gathering up my forgotten bits and called them back home, welcoming each one with a promise to be more careful where I leave them next time. I felt reconnected…plugged into that extra boost of energy that’s been AWOL for too long.
I realized also that I was feeling depleted by my focus on a number. 65. It’s just a number. Slightly more than 64. Not quite as big as 66. Just a number. It has nothing to do with who I am on the inside where it counts. It has no power unless I GIVE it power. Which, I realize I was doing. I was letting a number make me feel old. Irrelevant. Tired. Ok, I’ve had my moment of indulgent self-pity. Enough of that. It is time to age positively again. I’m enjoying a stage of life many do not get the privilege of experiencing. I’m calling that part of my spirit home as well…that part that mistakenly identifies as “old”. I am what I say I am. I am who God says I am. I am full of life and joy, experience and wonder, love and light. I am whole. ❤
And you are by far the young far the youngest “65” I know. ❤️ Rest, my friend.
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Wow— I need time to digest this but I feel something relevant speaking my name. Thank you Ginny (and thanks to Marion as well)?
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Yes Wow, you touched my feelings exactly! I’m going home next week too and your post helps me to enjoy, feel the emotions, and recognize that my live there had purpose and just as Jeremiah 28:11 says he has a plan for us so today I will walk in his plan and if given life tomorrow I’ll walk in it again! ???
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Thank you for sharing your life with us through the positive words of encouragement. You are more than relevant and very much needed EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!! We need your encouraging thoughts words and prayers! Rest in Jesus, my friend! You ARE WHO HE SAYS YOU ARE!! Daughter of the King of Kings! CHOSEN!!!
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Yea YOU!
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Ouch! This post touched a place in me I didn’t realize was sore until now. As much as I love coming to my hometown and seeing my good friends there, I have always felt a drain that I now see was spiritual more than physical, although they are probably connected since I try to cram so much in each visit. But I also pilgrimaged to places that remind me of painful times in an imploding marriage. I’m only this morning questioning why I drive down that particular street or visit particular places that are connected more to distress than joy. I may need to bring a BIG basket to collect my “forgotten bits.” Thanks for such an insightful post, Ginny. ❤️
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Happy you are back in CO, breath some Mountain air. Having passed that 65 number I say yea! I have a free pass to all the national parks, It’s okay to be unemployed, I can spend a whole day in my jammies and no one thinks I have “problems”. I can go camping in the middle of the week! The list goes on… enjoy the next stage it is full of surprises my friend.
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Great post! I will be turning 65 this week. That Medicare card made me feel old for the 1st time. But like you said…it’s only a number…just a number. Be grateful! Get out there and enjoy life!
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Thanks for this one. I really needed to find some new avenues to survive well. This gave me some really great new ideas. I was really caught in the numbers trap. So unnecessary
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Amen! It is only a number. We don’t let it run our lives. We enjoy the life we have been given my the loving Father. Well said.
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Interesting, our energy levels. I find my grief energy more tied to the seasons rather than to places. The quality of light and spring growth were vibrant when I started my twice-weekly trips through America’s garden, the Salinas Valley, to visit my husband who was undergoing chemo at Stanford. As spring turned to summer, Irish-green hills turned golden, fruit trees became laden, and my own garden withered from lack of attention. The weeks after his July 15 passing were as bleached out as over-exposed photographs. Fall came and everything mellowed as the sun hung lower in the sky. Seasons trigger me, and I find it hard to avoid the melancholy that overtakes me at this time of year. It occurred to me recently, I might have to move to different climate if I want to escape the seasonal triggers. Alaska? Florida? Michigan? I love California with every corner of my heart, but am I captive…?
?❤️ This is one of the biggest reasons I moved to WV. Triggers and economics.
do I have the guts and energy to make such a huge move myself? You moved back to your old home, I’d be distancing myself from it. Plus California’s determined to take care of its residents. Other states simply seem NOT to care much about theirs. It may be a wait and see situation.
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WOW Ginny this is a powerful concept. The next time I’m in a place that pull at my heart and my memories –and there are many–I’m going to ask myself if the power belongs at this place or back with me. After all the power is in my memory, not in the actual place. Thanks for teaching me, yet again.
And, by the way, I’m sorry I’ve missed you in Colorado again this year. FB hasn’t been showing me your posts daily so I didn’t know until now. Enjoy yourself and your time with family.
I don’t like how FB thinks they should decide what I see.
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you have to “like” all posts–and also check to make sure you are ‘following’ and ‘seeing first’–otherwise a feed can get lost in the racket of the webs.
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Ginny: I love your postings. I am a WV girl too that will soon be 2 years past 65. My body no longer works as well as it once did and I get around with an assistive device. However I am so grateful to my Lord for each new day he gives me. Life has taken on a different essence for me with a spirit that still wants to go and do. I made a decision some time ago to live each day fully and I try my best to do that. Thank you for your encouraging words and daily scripture.
What a lovely note, Pamela. Thank you for your kind words. They encourage me more than you know. ❤️