Chasing Away the Monster of Grief

“James Blunt sings to his father about saying goodbye.”

James Blunt is a 45-year-old English singer/songwriter who has sold over 11 million albums since his rise to fame with the hit single “You’re Beautiful”. His heartfelt, passionate voice lends itself well to the emotional ballads he is known for and there’s none more emotional than his recent release… “Monsters”.

Written for his ailing father, Blunt stares into the camera in an extreme closeup while fighting back tears as he sings. It is a portrait of a man suffering from the anticipatory grief that comes knowing a loved one’s death, while perhaps not imminent, is certainly forthcoming. One cannot help but feel the pain of such a great loss as the one the artist is anticipating.

I did not know anticipatory grief personally. Mr. Virgo’s was a snatch death…sudden, unexpected yet not entirely out of the realm of probabilities given his lifestyle. Still, his death was not on my radar. I have watched people I love very much lose their person to a chronic, devastating illness and that journey seems unbearable. I have often said, if he had to die, I’m grateful it was not a lingering death and was relatively painless to this man I loved so.

Songs like “Monsters” as well as open and frank conversations about death, dying, and grief seem as though they are changing the landscape of our society. When death becomes as easily discussed as birth and life, the bereaved will become better supported. When we are able to help others without trying to fix them, we will have come a long way toward normalizing the grieving process.

I don’t know about you, but when I was actively grieving, I needed to get those tears OUT and after a while, they were harder to come by. I still felt they were there, and I knew if I could just cry I would feel a whole lot better. So, I had a “Grief Playlist” comprised of songs that were sure to elicit tears. The same went for certain photographs or places. They were in my grief toolbox.

I don’t cry anymore. As a matter of fact, I can’t remember the last time I cried over Mr. Virgo’s death. But if I were deep in that raw, overwrought, emotionally naked time of grief…”Monsters” would certainly have been in my arsenal. It’s poignant and beautiful and gut wrenching all at once.