When Hubby #2 and I hit the final skids of what had become a hopeless mess of a marriage, we each heavily invested ourselves in the gathering of allies. We trash-talked each other…not only in person, but among our friends, family, and community at large. Anyone who might choose a side were fair game. It’s no wonder so many people retreated and left us BOTH alone.

The one area I drew the line was talking bad about each other in front of the kids. THAT was off limits. It occurred for a while initially, but soon was nipped in the bud as something that was not only painful and unpleasant, but it was downright destructive and unfair to the children.

When you are in the throes of a painful divorce or major upheaval in any relationship, recruiting allies is a thoughtless way to self-soothe. “Misery loves company” but hindsight being what it is…I’d much rather have had the company of others because they genuinely care about me and not because I tried to split loyalties. 

We were talking in small group last night about controlling our thoughts. I know I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time, but I sure wish I had been more “enlightened”…more “mature” when we went through all that. I know it would have been easier on me and my family.

We all have situations where we may not like someone, but rallying the troops against them isn’t healthy in the long run…for anyone involved. 

❤️

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

Philippians 4:8-9 ESV