Days of unexpected loss. We all get them. We never know when the next one will strike. Yesterday was just such a day. We started out the day with another trip to the Emergency Room for what appears to be another small stroke for my beloved Mr. FixIt. I had a taste of what if feels like for those desperately frightened family members who drop their loved ones off at the ER door then drive off. Or, in my case…drive to the parking lot and sit. All day. 

I hugged him goodbye, then went to the truck and cried. I couldn’t leave him. What if he needed me? What if something happened and I had to get there in a hurry. I couldn’t be a half hour away. I just couldn’t. So, I sat there waiting for a text or a call. They kept him overnight and I should be able to take him home this morning, thank God. This is another dodged bullet. We never, ever know what the day will bring.

Just as I was finally ready to leave and head home, I received a text from my cousin. 

“Call me.”

My aunt had just passed away at 4:45. My cousin had spent several hours a day the last week sitting with her and holding her hand. She was with her when she took her last breath and I am grateful she didn’t die alone. 

I called her “Auntzilla” to my inner circle. She was a bear and never really liked me much, even when I was a little girl. She may have been cantankerous in her old age, but that woman did a lot of good things for people in her lifetime. I will never forget the year when Hubby #2 was in medical school. We literally had nothing. One day, after a particularly rough day at work, I walked up the stoop to our house to find a big box from Aunt Peeps. I opened it and went through it slowly. It was clothes. Not new ones, but nice ones. Aunt Peeps was very fond of expensive clothes but was a bigger fan of a bargain. She bought good stuff on sale and hung onto it till someone she knew needed a boost. Then she’d mail them a box.

When I picked up the first piece, I ran my fingers down the fabric to admire the quality. I felt something in the pocket and reached in. Money! In the pocket of each piece of clothing there was a crisp new $20 bill for a total of $200! That was more money than I had seen in a very long time and was sorely needed. She loaned me her car when I came for visits so I wouldn’t have to rent one. She gave me Grandma Teeter’s old crocks and a lovely red child-sized rocking chair her late husband had found in a barn.

She was generous, but tight as a drum. She knew the price of everything to the penny and watched her money like a hawk. She was strong-willed and stubborn. She was a raven-haired beauty till her hair went snowy white like my mom’s. She wore makeup till her shaking hand would not allow her to apply it anymore. She was vain in an Audrey Hepburn kind of way with the sharp tongue of Joan Crawford. She did not mince words and had no time for nonsense. 

And now she is gone. The world is changing and all upside down. It’s like…I don’t know what to expect next AND I’m not surprised when it get’s here. Her death came at the end of a perfectly awful day. I called my cousin…the daughter of the only living sister…to tell her. We wanted her to be able to tell her mom in person.

When I finally got home, the stress and grief came out in the way they always come out. I threw up. To settle myself down afterward, I laid on the bed and considered the alphabet. I pictured each letter in my mind…describing it, noticing the way it curved to stood straight and tall. I heard its sound in my head. I thought of a word starting with that letter. Then went to the next. And, the next…till I had slowly worked my way through the entire alphabet. By the time I got to “z”, I was calmed down and ready to write. We do whatever we have to do to get by on days like these. Bottom line…I kept asking God to pull me closer. He never fails me.

Thank you so much for your prayers yesterday. You have no idea what it means to me to ask for prayers and immediately have so many people drop what they’re doing to pray. The power of prayer is unmistakable and…palpable to the recipient who is in tune. Hopefully Mr. FixIt will get to come home today and it will be a better day!

❤️

“First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people,”

1 Timothy 2:1 ESV

#Prayers, #Family, #Fear, Prayer