One year ago today, I was sitting in my house with a huge gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to be. I knew instinctively that it wasn’t a good idea for me to wallow around in my bedroom all day and it took every ounce of strength I had to get out of bed, get dressed, and head to the mall. It was there that I ran into you and wrote the following post.
“Santa!
I find that if I get out and mingle with people I do a lot better than if I hang out at the house too much. Today was no exception. I found myself wasting the day away so I headed to town about 2pm. I have lived in my small town since 1986 so I can just about bank on seeing someone I know when I’m out and about.
First stop was the bank. The gals are always so sweet and want to know what adventure I’m heading on next. Then I went to the mall. I needed a screen protector so while I waited I chatted with a gal I knew. She didn’t know about Mr. Virgo so I had to tell her. Sympathy, hugs, promises to do lunch. All so gratefully received. I wandered around till I got to Penney’s. Big sale so I picked up a pair of jeans and saw another gal I’ve known forever. Sympathy, hugs, tears. Pulled it together and headed in the other direction. Down at the other end of the mall, there was Santa with three beautiful children on his lap. Now, my normal operating mode is to cry over Hallmark commercials. Don’t EVEN show me one with a soldier coming home to his mom! I stood watching these bright and shiny faces gazing in wonder at Santa and I was reminded of when Mr. Virgo had his beard (omgosh…he looked JUST like Sean Connery, I kid you not!). He worked at the Hotel Jerome and was asked to be Santa. Oh! You would have thought they had given him the leading role in the year’s biggest blockbuster movie, he was that excited. So of course, I had to stand there watching Santa and the children and didn’t even realize tears were falling off my chin. The children left and I noticed Santa watching me. He cocked his head a little, scooched over in the chair and patted the seat beside him. I looked around and decided I really needed a visit with this jolly, old elf. I walked up and sat down. I kept my eyes diverted a bit because I knew if I made direct eye contact, I was a goner. We sat in silence for a bit and finally, I whispered to him, “My husband died. I need a new heart.” He put his arm around me and drew me close. He whispered back, “I’m so sorry.” I told him what had happened and that I had such sweet memories of Mr. Virgo at Christmas. I apologized for being such a mess. He told me I was perfect. I asked if I could just sit with him for a minute. He leaned his head against mine and patted my back while I cried. It didn’t take long. I had it back together in just a couple of minutes. These water works turn on and off fairly quickly, most of the time. He said, “Will you have your picture taken with me?” I smiled and wiped the last tears away, and with the same awe I saw on the faces of those beautiful children, I nodded and said, “I’d like that.” He whispered, “Thank you for stopping.” I whispered back, “Thank you for being real.”
Well, Santa…I just want you to know I’m doing better this year. Even though I didn’t get a new heart last year, the one I have has come a long way towards healing. It still hurts sometimes, and when it does, my eyes leak then I feel better. I sold my house and either sold or gave away just about everything I own. I traded in my Expedition for an F-150 and the 16 footer for a 24 footer and drove cross country. I’m caring for an elderly aunt with no children.
If you would leave me a handful of courage, a dash of strength, and a dollop of patience, I’d sure appreciate it. No need to leave me any faith this year…I’ve got oodles! Thank you for the gifts you gave me last Christmas. They fit me perfectly! Say hello to Mrs. Claus and those little elves you raised. Here’s to a great New Year!
Ginny
❤