I hated burying my mom on the coldest day of the year. It was late January and while the sky was blue, there was a bitter wind blowing on that hilltop. My Aunt Rosie and I were the only ones at the cemetery. It was just too cold for any kind of formal gathering. I could not let them put her in the ground alone though. So, I stood with a borrowed coat wrapped tight beneath my chin, shivering in the thin, January light.
In contrast, Mr. Virgo died in the middle of March, which is a lot different in Colorado than it is here in West Virginia. Still, the day we laid him to rest, the sun was shining and it was warm enough for a light jacket. It’s funny the way your brain works when your beloved dies. I distinctly remember thinking if he had to die, at least he died in the spring when the earth was coming back to life. I didn’t have to lay him in the frozen ground. And I didn’t have to go into my grief and compound it with seasonal affective disorder. These are the things I think about while I’m driving.
A couple of nights ago, I slept out back in TOW-Wanda. While it was wonderful to be in the camper, it stormed all night long and the only thing I could think of was that huge, old cherry tree just outside the camper. Just like the message about the rockslide a couple weeks ago, I kept getting this feeling like I had to get TOW-Wanda out of there. I need to get this tree taken out before it falls on anything…or anyone…and they can’t get any equipment back up in there with my camper parked in the driveway. I have friends who have offered to let me park TOW-Wanda at their place, but I don’t want to impose, or ruin their grass, or disturb them with coming and going as I want to camp this spring and early summer. I found a place where I can store her securely and anytime I want to take her out to camp, they’ll pull her out for me and all I have to do is hook her up and go. Then, I drop her off, and they take her around back to park her. All for $35 a month. Perfect!
I decided I needed to get this done yesterday as we are supposed to get severe storms the next few days and I’m running out of time before I leave for the beach. Getting this huge trailer in and out of this long, narrow driveway is tricky. One of the biggest obstacles is the electric lines going up to the top of the cellar house. They hang low over the driveway. In the past, I’ve had someone hold them up with a broom while I backed under them. I didn’t have any helper yesterday and being the EVER resourceful woman that I am, I had to figure out how to do it myself. I took a long 1×2 that I found in the cellar, taped a walking stick to it, then taped the broom handle to that and…voila! It worked like a charm! The electric line nestled in the bristles of the broom and stayed right where I put it.
Now, backing up out of the driveway was interesting. I got down to the road but I was worried about hitting the pole on the other side of the driveway. It’s a pretty busy road for being so far out in the country and the only thing I could do was slowly back out onto the blacktop. I was almost all the way out when a guy in a pickup stopped and guided me those last few feet. Easy peasy! The new truck towed fine…just doesn’t have the torque like the old one had, which I expected.
I needed to get back to mow. As I drove through the hills, I rolled down the windows and the smell of the honeysuckle, lilac, dogwood, redbud, apple, peach, apricot, pear, and crabapple trees was so incredibly sweet. It was then that I sent up my plea to God. “When it is my time to go, please take me in the springtime so my last day will be filled with beauty such as this perfect West Virginia day.” That is all I ask. ❤️
“yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.””
James 4:14-15 ESV
I laid my husband to rest last July on his birthday, but it was beautiful day and not to hot. I felt better knowing it was warm when we laid him to rest. The first big rain I panicked and wondered if he would be protected and that went until just recently, every snowfall every rain I panicked. I agree springtime is wonderful here in West Virginia. My lilac is blooming , the red bud and flowers. I cut things from the yard and take them to him. I think he would like them since they are from our yard and we both planted them. For winter I cut branches from the pines we planted and made a grave blanket. He is only half mile from me, I pass the cemetery every time I leave the house and can see him from the road. Sometimes it’s comforting and sometimes extremely hard to drive past. It hasn’t been a year yet and every holiday is terribly hard. Our children try so hard to make it easier on me they are in pain too. I thought warm weather would be easier on me getting out in the flower beds or mowing or just doing chores, but he is there too, a thousand memories in that yard everywhere I look. I started dating him when I was 15, he was 23 fresh back from Vietnam. I was so young people and family wasn’t happy but we were and it lasted till last July. This week would have the 46th anniversary of our first date. We did everything together, only apart during work. It’s the first time in my life I have lived alone. Hard to get used to, not sure I ever will. I only meant to write a few sentences but all this just poured out. I know you understand everything I have written. Can’t really talk to the kids don’t want to upset them. Thanks for all your articles you write I love them
Never apologize for opening your heart, Miss Jill. It’s what makes us human. It’s what helps us heal. Tell your story to anyone who will listen. And, unless your children are under 10 years old, talk to them, too. You might be surprised. Just like it helps you to hear his name and remember him, it helps them as well. All these firsts are hard. I hated him for leaving me the first time I had to shovel out from a heavy snow! Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries. They will come and go and you will move forward. You can do this…so far you have survived 100% of the day’s he’s been gone. Thank you for opening up. God bless you on this beautiful spring day! ❤️
a great place for out-pourings, 24-7 is a widow-folk non-profit sponsored website started by a young widow in California. It’s widowedvillage.com. Plenty of discussion groups to join based on age, type or year of loss, circumstnace of loss, etc. TONS of kindred spirits who know the ache of needing a place to ‘get it out’ even if at 4 am. Loose motto is “We get it”. visit any time. It’s carefully vetted and SAFE. Hugs to you, dear.
Thank you for a little reminder of spring in the east, the smell of new growth, the scents of flowers everywhere and those wild spring storms. Hope to see you this summer.
Are you going to RMH in August? I’ll be there! We’ll see each other some time this summer!!!
Living in Michigan, the winter can be brutal. I remember an older man saying many years ago how awful it would be to “survive” a Michigan winter and then to die in spring. Just another point of view.
That’s a valid point! I think I was thinking more about the grief after. Grieving in the spring when the days keep getting longer was easier for me than grieving in the long dark dead of winter. ❤️
Won’t the power company come out to raise those wires if they are to low for safety standards, you may ant to check with them .
They’re up high enough for normal. It this is a very tall trailer. I will check into that, though. Thanks for the suggestion!!! ❤️