We were young and in love…the first love for each of us. We got married young and I moved to England where my first husband was stationed in the Air Force. A year later, we had our only child together…my “sweet little pink bundle,” as my mom called her. Time went on, and as can happen when you marry young, our relationship didn’t last. We went our separate ways and a few years later, we each remarried.

Hubby #1 and his new wife had a baby of their own…a little boy. Bright and spunky with a million questions, Daughter #1 was smitten with her little brother. He arrived the summer she turned thirteen and she always looked forward to seeing him when she visited her father. He became a good caricaturist and drew magical creatures and anime characters. He never married and found a career at the local Kroger Store. He rode his bike all over town. On his dad’s last birthday, he bought him a book of “Dad Jokes” that ended up as daily posts on Facebook for all to enjoy. He had a kind heart and always looked for the good in people.

I received a text Friday afternoon from Hubby #1 that broke my heart. His son..that gentle giant of a man…died unexpectedly of genetic cardiac disease at his home. They found him there when he hadn’t shown up for work. Everyone is crushed. Even with all my years as a sort of “grief mentor,” I was at a loss for words. A snatch death is so shocking. They’re there…then they aren’t. But when it’s your child? What can you say? There are no words that can offer comfort or change things. 

We are tempted to TRY to change things and make them better when someone we love is hurting. There are things we can do. It’s customary to bring food to the home of the bereaved. But when you live far away, there is still a way to contribute. How about “grief groceries?” You can go online and order some things and have them delivered to them. I’ll do that down the road…they have plenty now.

It has always been my belief that if divorce comes to you, there are choices you can make. You can remain bitter enemies and hate each other forever. You can drop out of each other’s lives and never have any contact. If there was abuse in the marriage, often both of those choices go hand-in-hand. In our case, my relationship with my first husband kinda went through both of those phases till I matured and remembered there was a reason we married in the first place. We share a child and grandchildren. I was determined that just because we were no longer married to each other, it didn’t mean we couldn’t still love and respect each other.

I’ve made it a point to remain in contact, befriending his wife, and loving this son of another mother. It’s much better for the kids and grandkids to keep them from feeling they need to choose between us. Love trumps hate…always.

This is the cover photo on Eddy’s FB page. He was always an encourager.

My continued prayers go out to my first husband and his wife. And to everyone who knew and loved Eddy. May his memory forever be a comfort.

🙏🏼

”So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.“

Isaiah 41:10 NIV

#loss, #grief, #comfort