I don’t watch much television, but I do like to catch CBS Sunday Morning with my coffee before church. Sometime over the holidays, they interviewed Jennifer Lopez. The singer/actress has come a long way since the “Jenny From the Block” days. She was poised and elegant and spoke with the confident wisdom that can only come from age and a broken heart or two along the way. 

She told a story about meeting Ruth Bader Ginsburg. During their conversation, Jennifer asked RBG what her secret was for a long and happy marriage. The octogenarian smiled and said…

“Sometimes you have to be a little deaf.”

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

I grinned. I knew what she was talking about. It’s taken me a long, long time…and four husbands…to begin to learn this. Husbands and wives don’t think the same way, don’t you know. We spend our lives exasperated that they don’t speak our language and they spend their lives trying to figure out the best way to stay out of trouble.

I’m in a totally different place in my life now. I’m in a relationship where I can honestly say what I feel for probably the first time in my life. I have to constantly remind myself that…just because I think it or feel it and have the room in this relationship to say it, doesn’t mean I actually HAVE to. So, rather than revert to not saying what I feel…I try to be B.A.L.D.

Be a Little Deaf.

Let’s face it…men can say and do what we think are the dumbest things. It doesn’t mean they ARE dumb. It just means they think differently. When Mr. FixIt says something I know to be…or even THINK to be wrong…I don’t have to correct him or argue with him…every…single…time. Yet, I do so…way too often in the last month or so. Lately, when he says something I don’t agree with, I’ve been trying to ask myself… “Do I have to try to be right all the time?” The answer is no. Especially when it comes at the cost of the other. And…as hard as it is for me to admit…I’m NOT always right. Go figure.

Take for instance, last night. Mr. FixIt came into the bedroom when I was writing this. 

“I think I left my phone out in the truck.”

“Do you want me to call it for you?”

“Would you?”

“Sure.”

Ten seconds later, his phone rang…in his pocket.

?‍♀️

I could have said something like, “Seriously? You couldn’t reach in your pocket and find your phone?” That isn’t helpful to anyone. Instead, we just laughed at the absurdity of it. It’s the only way to make life fun and not full of aggravation and hurt feelings.

It’s not just Mr. FixIt, either. It’s my kids, or the guy on the phone, or the clerk at the store. When my “crap titer” is too high, my fuse is too short. It’s making me take a good solid look at myself. There is a fine line between “confident crone” and “crotchety curmudgeon”. “No one likes a know-it-all,” said every mama…ever. 

I’m trying to tell myself to be a little more like Ms. Ginsburg and be a little deaf. Not only will it make life easier for those around me. It’ll make life easier for me, too.

Gosh…I’m glad to be back. I really missed this!

❤️

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

James 1:19-20 ESV