“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬
http://bible.com/111/pro.3.3.niv

We have discussed this topic before, but there are so many new widows here now, I felt it deserved a reprise. It may be timely for some.

A week before the first “angelversary” of my husband’s death, I receive a text from someone close in his family. 

My first thought was, “How nice. He knows it’s been almost a year and he’s writing to tell me he’s thinking of me.”

I opened the text and began to read. It was soon quite apparent this message was not one of condolence…or remembrance. No, this was something entirely different.

The text was regarding a story I had written in my blog about Mr. Virgo’s military record. This family member told me that Mr. Virgo had certainly NOT accomplished what he said he had. He was no war hero. He had been nothing more than a clerk in the Army and it was his father who had actually been the hero. He named about three things in the story I had written that he swore were untrue and maybe I should just keep the family stories out of my blog, you know…to keep my husband from being the laughing stock of his family and friends. He said the family always knew him to be prone to hyperbole, but they loved him in spite of it. 

I was stunned. At first I was hurt. Then I was angry. 

I waited three days before I responded. I’ve always found it’s a good idea to sit back and think about things before I jump in and perhaps say something I might regret later.

When I had thought carefully about my response, I wrote back. I told this family member that I was initially taken aback by his text. I said my husband had never given me any reason to doubt the veracity of his words or stories. Sure, he might have shined up a story for dramatic effect, but I had never, ever known him to lie to me. I told him he wasn’t with my husband in Vietnam so there was no way he could actually know exactly what he had done there. 

I reminded him how much my husband loved him. How much we had prayed for him when he was ill. I told him I couldn’t understand what kind of person would write to a grieving widow one week before the anniversary of her husband’s death and say something like this. If Mr. Virgo were alive, I can guarantee he would NOT be happy with the way this guy was speaking to me.

The bottom line is this. My complete and total loyalty lies with the man I love. I will defend him, have his back, stand up for him, and fight for him…dead or alive…if I have to. I’m one tough mama bear when it comes to my own.

What kind of person would do this? And what could possibly be the motive? Jealousy? Anger over some past perceived slight? Whatever the reason, it is petty and small and demonstrates what is called “splitting behaviors” in psychological jargon. In other words…trying to cause trouble.

It can happen when there is a death in the family. It can happen with divorce. It can happen when there has been some sort of rift in a family. If it happens to you, I want to you remember one thing…

What this person says or does to you has absolutely NOTHING to do with you or your loved one. It has absolutely EVERYTHING to do with who this person is as a human and where he or she is in their own journey. You must not take it personally. When I first read that text, I couldn’t understand why he was saying these things to me. If his motive was to make me doubt my man, let me tell you…he was barking up the wrong tree. And, it’s just as true with Mr. FixIt today as it was with Mr. Virgo. I don’t need people like that in my life. People who try to stir up trouble. Who try to drive a wedge between me and the one I love and make me have doubts. 

This was a valuable lesson for me that I learned in my grief. One of those things I’ll take forward and use throughout the rest of my life. I don’t have the time nor the inclination to involve myself in that kind of petty drama. Life is too short. ❤️