A couple of nights ago, my aunt and I sat on the sofa side by side and called my cousin to FaceTime and watched to little ones Trick or Treat. She is enamored with the marvelous technology of the iPad and the internet. We were waiting for my cousin to call back and I was showing her what they will see when we connect. She frowned a bit and said “Oh my! I look a hundred years old!” Then I quoted this caption to her. I looked at the two of us on camera. We are 21 years apart, she and I…exactly the difference in age between me and my firstborn. I look at her beauty and her strength and hope I have half her qualities when it’s my turn to be 82. She is a no nonsense woman. She is educated, erudite, lithe, and witty. There was a time when she and I butted heads. We are both strong willed and independent. We have both mellowed with age and loss. And we are both beautiful.

As is wont to happen on special anniversaries, I had some tearful moments yesterday. It was nine years ago that Mr. Virgo walked in and stole my heart. I needed to do something special to commemorate the day. I met my high school girlfriends for coffee then went to the new farm supply store to stock up on birdseed for the winter. I got my hair cut then went to the mall. Mr. Virgo and I were particularly fond of Christmas ornaments made by Ne’Qua. They are glass and hand painted on the inside. We bought one every year we were together. Last year I bought my first one alone. The Hallmark shop in the mall carries Ne’Qua ornaments so I took my time looking at each one…tracing their curves gently with my finger…allowing them to pull me back to the vacations Mr. Virgo and I took. We always bought our Christmas ornaments on vacation so we could relive our travels when we decorated the tree together. After some time, I settled on the perfect ornament. A small one with a male and female cardinal. West Virginia’s state bird. An appropriate commemoration all the way around. Mr. Virgo would be pleased with the choice, I’m sure.

It is important to have rituals. Continuing rituals that you shared with your loved ones maybe difficult at first. Maybe you need to change the way you do it. But rituals can keep your connection to your loved one alive and that is important to some people in their grief process. I was distressed early on in my grief process when certain memories began to fade. I later learned it’s a common effect of grieving to lesson the acute pain of the loss. The memories came back with time. Now I have another sweet memory for when I decorate our tree this winter. <3