It was a long day yesterday working on the website and today will be even longer. There was a gentleman sitting at our table at Starbucks where we were working. He overheard our conversation and was asking me questions about what I’m doing. He was interested in my writing. He kept laughing when my “media consultant” aka Hubby #1 and I bantered back and forth with that old familiarity divorced people can sometimes achieve. I introduced myself…and my ex. He stopped and said, “Your ex? I wish my ex and I could get along like that!”
I hear that a lot. “How can you be friends with your ex???” Well, first of all, neither of my exes ever did anything so egregious that it couldn’t be forgiven. Second, I wasn’t the perfect princess in either one of the marriages that ended in divorce. I was a much better wife the third time around. I had learned a lot in those first two marriages.
We are just people. We are fallible. We make mistakes. Sometimes they’re great big ones that cause lasting damage. Sometimes people and situations just…change. What good does it do to carry all that anger and hatred with you to the grave? I know, I know…it isn’t easy. No, it is not. But I’m here to tell you it’s doable and being nice to each other and treating each other with respect is what we do to all humans. And almost all exes are human.
When ex-Hubby #2 had a new girlfriend…..oooooooh, I hated her. I was so angry, and hurt, and rejected. My heart was broken. But the Rabbi spoke at High Holy Days and said, “It is not enough to ask for God’s forgiveness. You must ask the forgiveness of those you sinned against.” I thought about this the whole day and finally realized there was no getting around it. I called his girlfriend up, told her who I was…and asked for her forgiveness. I explained the significance of the day and told her I had spoken ill of her in the year before and I needed to ask for her forgiveness. After that, whenever she and my ex came into my mind, instead of feeling hurt and angry, I sent them love and light. I asked God to bless them with abundant love and happiness. They went on to marry and they are truly happy together. This freed me.
Both of my exes have extraordinarily wonderful wives. They married well. They are good, strong women. They are kind and loving. They have great kids. We treat each other with love and respect. With time, effort, and love for our children, we have created a large extended family that gets together for special family events. There’s never any fighting. Never a cross word. I love them all.
Forgiveness goes a long way toward getting the life of peace you long for. Is there someone you need to forgive? Anger and resentment are the poison you take hoping that the other person falls ill. Isn’t it time to free yourself from all that angst, pain and drama?
❤️
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
Matthew 5:9 NIV