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We were in second grade together. I’d rarely seen a black child before. We met in the line to wash our hands before lunch. I had terrible anxiety, and our teacher didn’t much care for me. She sent my anxiety through the roof to the point I could not eat. And if I didn’t eat, she held back my tray to show my mom when she came to pick me up after school. Mrs. Alexander crossed her arms over her chest and scowled whenever she looked at me.
\n\n\nAs I stood in line to wash my hands that day, I prayed quietly. I asked God to please settle my stomach so I could eat and not get into trouble anymore. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and this little round chocolate-brown face met me with concern. Her name was Lisa.
\n\n\n“Are you praying?” she asked.
\n\n\n“Yes. Mrs. Alexander scares me, and I can’t eat. Then I get in trouble every day after school.”
\n\n\n“Well,” she said with a firm confidence I knew little about. “I’ll pray with you!”
\n\n\nSo, she wrapped her little arm around my shoulders, and we prayed together that God would make me feel better so I could eat. After that, I knew God was always with me and I didn’t need to be afraid because my new friend Lisa would pray with me as many times as necessary till I got through second grade.
\n\n\nAs it turned out, my parents bought a house in another school district, so I didn’t see Lisa again till high school. By that time, we had our circle of friends, and we didn’t really connect till many years later at high school reunions. Eventually, I moved back to my home state of West Virginia and started getting together with Lisa. She had become a pastor and worked with several churches in the area and with Urban Ministries in town. Lisa joined our Divas do Coffee group, and we all enjoyed her stories and warm presence.
\n\n\nLisa was funny, yet she didn’t mince words. If you needed correcting, she didn’t care who you were or what the social norms were. You got corrected. She was also the humblest human I’d ever met. She never tooted her own horn. She always made sure those who were considered the fringe of society knew they were loved.
\n\n\nLisa died the other day. She was diagnosed with advanced cancer in September 2024. Lisa chose to go on Hospice to maintain quality of life instead of quantity. Her beautiful family put a hospital bed in her daughter’s den where she could watch the comings and goings of her grandchildren and love on them all she could. Occasionally, her daughter would record a video at Lisa’s request. On it, she reassured us all that she was doing fine. She told us she knew where she was going, and it would be glorious to walk with Jesus.
\n\n\nLisa never really had much. She worked hard and raised an amazing family, living in the same town where she grew up. She lived in an older neighborhood because that was home. Lisa didn’t put up with any shenanigans from folks who may not have had her best interests at heart. She wasn’t afraid because she knew Jesus resided in her house, so there was nothing to worry about.
\n\n\nOur friend was in a terrible accident years ago. She stepped out into the street in front of her church. The sun’s glare in her eyes blocked her view of the car that could not stop. She was gravely injured, and the family was called in to say goodbye. Lisa was a strong woman with a lot of fight in her, and she recovered… unfortunately, with memory loss, back and spinal pain that stayed with her the rest of her life. She worked and did amazing things in this town. There was a settlement after the accident, but she did something special with it that she didn’t reveal to anyone.
\n\n\nI spoke with her daughter at the funeral home yesterday. It turns out that Lisa, in her humble way, created an endowment that would help support the Urban Ministries in perpetuity. No one in her family had any idea she had done this. It was a lesson for all of us in humility, love for your fellow man, and living like Jesus. None of us was surprised by the generosity coming from our stout little friend. It just makes us love her even more and makes her family very proud.
\n\n\nMiss Lisa, you were a peach, and we’ll miss you! We’ll see you in Heaven!!!
\n\n\n💜
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\nHumble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 1 Peter 5:6 ESV
\n\n
***Gratitude Journal*** Today, I am grateful for the friendship I had with Lisa and that she’s singing and praising Jesus in His presence…right…this…minute. I’m grateful for her gentle lessons in humility and the way she jumped out of her chair and danced around the room when I told her Mr. FixIt and I were getting married. “Perfect! A perfect match!!! This is exactly what I wanted for you two.”![\"\"](\"https://i0.wp.com/www.marshmallowranch.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/04/173186c98ae7c44640afa5f024e4d9dc.jpeg?fit=1024%2C1024&ssl=1\")
”Learn to Dance in the Rain” - AI by Ginny McKinney with Meta AI
\n\n\nDarlings…what a weekend! It has rained about 4.5” since Friday. The ground is so wet that when you walk across the yard, it’s like a bog. Squish…Squish…Squish. There is so much water in the pool, it’s pouring out the overflow. The creeks are roaring. But there’s no water coming into the basement. Ever since we started putting the root killer down the storm drain, it hasn’t overflowed. It came close Saturday night, but we put the crystals in and within twenty-four hours the water level was down two inches. We just have to be vigilant and use it regularly.
\n\n\nThe water in the drain is not the only thing going down. I made the awful mistake of looking at my retirement fund last night. Here’s a helpful tip…DO NOT DO THAT! At first my heart sank. Knowing it is likely to fall more today is disconcerting. As hard as that is to take, I know God has always taken care of us and we are more precious than the birds in the fields. I know it’s hard not to worry, it really is. But last night, I just sat with God and told Him I put my life in His hands twenty-one years ago. I’m not backing out when the going gets tough.
\n\n\nLike most people, we are looking at more ways to cut our expenses. I think satellite is out. We’ll soon have fiber optic internet here. Once that is installed, we can drop the DSL line and stream what we can get online. I’ve cut out extra spending. We only buy what is necessary these days. I know we are taking this trip to the beach, but it’s already paid for as is my flight to Colorado this summer.
\n\n\nIt is a good thing we don’t eat much meat anymore. We are going to make some raised beds for greens to add to our diet. I bake all of our bread. We don’t eat much dairy but I do keep powdered milk and canned evaporated milk in the pantry. I grew up making do with what we had. Yes…I have been terribly “advantaged” in my adult life. But, I’ve been studying and practicing homesteading and survival skills for a very long time.
\n\n\nWe are heading into lean times, I’m afraid. And I’m not telling you all of this to worry you or scare you. I look at paring down to the bare essentials as more like a game to see how little we need to get by.
\n\n\nHappiness is most often mind over matter.
\n\n\nIf you don’t mind…it don’t matter.
\n\n\nDo what you can with what you have.
\n\n\nUse it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.
\n\n\nStart small.
\n\n\nSlow and steady wins the race.
\n\n\nPray about it. Pray over it. Pray through it.
\n\n\nAnd remember…the pendulum always swings back.
\n\n\n🩵🌷🙏🏼🌷🩵
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n““Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19-21 ESV
\n\n
Gratitude Journal\n\n", "date_published": "2025-04-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/04/07/learn-to-dance-in-the.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","God","Downsizing","Choices","Farm Life","Anxiety","Frustration"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/03/09/spring-ahead.html", "title": "Spring Ahead!!!", "content_html": "\n
Today I am grateful for my humble upbringing with a grandma who taught me how to make do. I am grateful that I have a Heavenly Father who wants us to prosper and who will take care of us.
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2b823e79da.jpg\")
Ohhhhh, how I’ve longed for spring! And I have to say, with the healthy changes I’ve made in the past year, this winter did not get me down like they’ve done in the past. As a matter of fact, a lot of things have changed in the last year. Not the least of which is my anxiety.
\n\n\nI’ve dealt with an anxiety disorder for all of my life. Ever since I was in second grade when I had a teacher that terrorized me and a neighbor of who molested me, I’ve dreaded the attacks that seemed to come from nowhere. I planned my whole life around avoiding situations that might be a trigger and it was debilitating.
\n\n\nThe thing was, except for losing Mr. Virgo, I never experienced a difficult situation WITHOUT suffering severe anxiety. I think the only reason I got through that loss was shock. When I made the drastic change of stopping caffeine and sugar and added the RYZE Mushroom Coffee, I immediately saw a big change. I still didn’t know if it would make a difference during a crisis, but I felt such relief. I figured I’d find out sooner or later when the next stressful situation occurred.
\n\n\nIt’s interesting that when a challenge came that would normally have thrown me for a loop, I felt the adrenaline, but that’s as far as it went. I was dumbfounded. I thought it must have been a fluke. Then another situation and another situation and I found I could cope really well. I can’t express what a relief that is. For the first time in my life, I’m not dreading the other shoe dropping because I know God brought me the answer I needed. He will walk me through anything that comes my way. This is the most liberating feeling I’ve ever experienced!
\n\n\nWe had a gentle day yesterday. A nice breakfast. I am knitting a pair of socks for my dear friend. I am just learning how to customize socks to fit the recipient. Socks are normally too tight for her. So I’m knitting her a pair of roomy socks in an acrylic blend yarn. She doesn't like wool against her skin so I think she’ll really like these.
\n\n\nI went out to the camper last night to write and as I left the house, there was a nice fat toad on the sidewalk. I took a picture and was really disappointed it was blurry. It isn’t the really big guy that’s been hanging around the last couple of years. I hope that one made it through the winter.
\n\n\nWe are supposed to get rain all day today and maybe even snow flurries overnight. Then next week we are back up in the 70’s. And tonight we spring ahead. It will be lighter later and that’s just fine with me.
\n\n\nSomeone dear to me is grieving today. Hold your people close, dear friends…and tell them you love them.
\n\n\n🙏🏼
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2024-03-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/03/09/spring-ahead.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/10/28/getting-some-much-needed-rest.html", "title": "Getting Some Much Needed Rest", "content_html": "\n”….mourn with those who mourn.“
\nRomans 12:15 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bb9671e6f1.jpg\")
Chewed up walnut hull.
\n\n\nWell, something got into the bucket of black walnuts I left in the driveway. When I went out to check the mail yesterday, the evidence was left in a neat little pile along the edge of the concrete. No scat that I could find to identify the critter. I didn’t catch anything on the security camera that would identify the culprit either. So…no bear on the camera as of yet. Maybe Santa will bring me a couple really great trail cams for Christmas!
\n\n\nPoor Mr. FixIt. He was maybe a smidgeon better yesterday. He has that deep chesty voice you get when you have a bad head cold and he’s still sneezing and has a runny nose. No fever today and he continues to take his antiviral medication. I thought for sure I was coming down with it Thursday night because I started getting a scratchy throat, but I slept like a log and woke up no worse for the wear. My Covid Test continues to be negative. So, either I have a very, very mild case or it’s the typical fall allergies that come when the leaves are on the ground getting moldy. I am staying out of Mr. FixIt’s face and washing my hands and everything else in hot soapy water.
\n\n\nWe had a phone visit with our Primary Care Provider yesterday morning and she said to continue what we’re doing…rest, drink plenty of fluids,Tylenol for aches and fever, diet as tolerated. Mr. FixIt was actually hungry yesterday and ate nearly a normal diet so that’s a good sign. I wish he could sleep better but when he lays down, the head congestion won’t let him rest. He did get a little napping done in his Big Red Chair and I’m sure that helped. It looks like he’s past the worst of it and I may just have dodged the bullet this go round.
\n\n\nOther than playing nurse to my sweetheart, I didn’t do much either. I started reading my new Appalachian Cookbook and cant wait to try some of the recipes. I started going through the camping gear that is parked on the floor in our family room seeing what needs to be put away and what can just be stored over the winter in the “kitchen trunk.” Mr. FixIt getting Covid kinda put an end to the camping season for me. I could still go out and sleep in the camper if I wanted to, but the Asian Lady Beetles and Stink Bugs are thick as thieves out there and it’s not worth it getting up and down to suck them up in the hand held vacuum.
\n\n\nOur weather has been warm this week, but next week will bring a big turn in the temperatures so this furnace thing has to be figured out. Mr. FixIt has a couple more things he wants to check out, but he can’t while he’s this sick. Maybe by Monday he’ll be more up for it. We’ll see. In the meantime, it really does feel good to just sit and read with a nice cup of tea after the crazy busy summer we’ve had.
\n\n\n🍁
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”
\nPsalm 4:8 ESV\n
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
\n\n\nFighting the anxiety of nightfall as a new widow was made somehow a little easier with a fuzzy blanket wrapped tightly around me. This was my go-to verse for the night time ritual of trying to calm my brain.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1e66ecf962.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4969f4992c.jpg\")
Do you all get as tired of cooking as I do? My sweetheart has been picking up the slack while I’ve been working at my desk. It is very much appreciated!
\n\n\nI’m developing a routine. We kinda sleep in and have a nice breakfast, then I take my tea down to my “studio” in the basement and get to work. What I’m doing has a learning curve and at first I thought I might be past my prime to take on such an undertaking. However, I am pleasantly surprised to note that the longer I’m at this, the sharper my memory is. I’m staying focused for hours where even just a week ago I was having trouble. That is encouraging on so many levels. It makes the old adage “use it or lose it” really mean something.
\n\n\nThe little space heater is under the desk keeping me toasty…except for my hands. For some reason, there is cold air blowing on one corner of the desk and my hands were freezing. I put on one of those fluffy hoodies that I bought at Christmas for all the girls and it did the trick. It has a pouch pocket on the front so I just put my hands in there and warmed them up from time to time. Between that and nice hot mugs of tea…I was good to go.
\n\n\nI kept busy at my desk all day for a reason. It gave me the opportunity to remember my mom and my Aunt Rosie without getting verklempt. I will miss my aunt and our fun conversations. And I always miss my mom. So, when I was finished at the desk, I came upstairs and called Daughter #1 for a nice long video chat. That did my heart a world of good. It was like a warm hug.
\n\n\nI miss my kids being so far away. They are all so busy with their own lives. I only get to Colorado once a year, so these video visits are necessary for this mama’s heart. I think about the technology available today. Video chats were a lifesaver during the worst of the pandemic. Everything from welcoming new babies to sitting in on a funeral…from cooking “with” your grands to reading books with the great grands…things like FaceTime and Skype were irreplaceable.
\n\n\nI have to rely on phone calls with my brother. He has such a hard time keeping his phone handy…he’s all the time “losing” it. I have no idea where, but I did have them put a landline in his apartment and he has a roommate now that is good about getting him to the phone. That makes a huge difference in our ability to communicate.
\n\n\nI’m not sure when we’ll make our next trip out west. We have an outdoor wedding here at Marshmallow Ranch in May for one of my bonus grandkids. Another gets married in June. We might wait till September when the kids go back to school to avoid the crowded campgrounds. We’ll see. I know in April we go to the beach to our timeshare and my bonus son and his wife are joining us this year. They are so fun to travel with!
\n\n\nThat’s all the news for the day, my friends. I used some of the tools in my “Grief Tool Box” yesterday and they really helped me. In the midst of it all, I found out one of the grands was sick and my Nana-brain started to send me down the rabbit hole of anxiety but I reminded myself not to spend any energy on worrying about tomorrow. Today has enough of it’s own to deal with.
\n\n\nHa! Maybe I will get this whole “life” thing figured out after all!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-01-25T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/01/25/still-learning-about-this-life.html", "tags": ["Grief","Peace","Wisdom","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/11/28/self-care-isnt-selfish.html", "title": "Self Care Isn’t Selfish", "content_html": "\n“Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.”
\nPhilippians 4:6-7 MSG\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5c7a63e7f8.jpg\")
Actor Jonah Hill interviews his therapist, psychiatrist Phil Stutz in this touching and eye-opening documentary on Netflix…Stutz.
\n\n\nLast week I had a moment. I was burning the candle at both ends, running on little sleep, and trying to put on a memorable Thanksgiving Extravaganza. Then I hit the wall on Thursday and, even though there was SO much left to be done for Friday’s gathering, I gave myself permission to crawl back in my bed, pull the cozy covers up to my ears, and drift off for a few more hours of much needed rest. I sacrificed the extra baking by asking Mr. FixIt to stop on his way home from town and buy readymade pies. I knew the rest would get done and if it didn’t…it certainly wasn’t the end of the world. As it turned out, everything came together at precisely the right moment and came off without a hitch.
\n\n\nSelf care isn’t selfish. It’s imperative that we take care of our health…physical, spiritual, and mental. Without it, there is no moving forward. If there is anything good to have come out of the pandemic, it is an increased awareness of mental health struggles. I think we all can watch the news and social media interactions and see a great number of people aren’t at their best right now. It’s frankly a little scary to see systems we always trusted to run somewhat smoothly break down in the most unexpected ways.
\n\n\nThe people we have in our lives are there for a reason. There is a lot of truth to the adage that people are put in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some just come to share information. Some are there to teach us lessons. The ones I find most valuable to me are the ones who hold up a mirror and reflect back to me who I am in any given moment. We change, we grow, we move on. But sometimes, we remain stuck, trying to change the outcome of something which is futile. The past is unchangeable. It’s what we do with the information and the lessons that propel us forward that count most.
\n\n\nHubby #2 and I went through a lot. We both had wounds that we recognized in each other. In our naïveté, we came together thinking we would heal each other and be together for the rest of our lives. That isn’t how it worked out. And there was a terrible amount of angst involved in the unraveling. I sank into a deep clinical depression and for a variety of reasons, was nearly doctored to death trying to come out of it. It took a long, l-o-n-g time for both of us to evolve enough to have deep conversations. I cannot speak for him, but for me, it offered the healing I longed for but just couldn’t reach while we were together.
\n\n\nA week or so ago, Hubby #2 sent me a message and recommended I watch a documentary on Netflix called Stutz. It’s directed by the actor, Jonah Hill and is about his therapist, Dr. Phil Stutz. This is groundbreaking. For a therapist to allow himself to be so vulnerable as to open up the way he did in front of the camera was remarkable. It demonstrated the profound trust the two of them have for one another. Jonah extols the virtues of Dr. Stutz’s teachings and credits the tools he learned in therapy for saving his life.
\n\n\nWhen I lost Mr. Virgo, I got through it…perhaps easier is not the right word. It’s more like I had been through such a terrible loss at the end of my marriage, the resultant therapy facilitated a grief journey I was much better prepared for. Had it happened the other way around, I am fairly certain I would not have survived my husband’s death. I had a lot more tools in my toolbox. But nothing quite so well articulated as the tools Dr. Stutz taught Jonah.
\n\n\nI decided to wait till after Thanksgiving to watch Stutz. And, I preferred to watch it alone. I knew it would stir up lots of memories and feelings and I wanted to process that without having to share it in front of Mr. FixIt. There are private moments of grief that we don’t necessarily need to share with anyone else. That’s ok. As I waited for the right moment, I wondered if Dr. Stutz had written a book. I checked online and, indeed he did. He wrote a book with Barry Michels called The Tools…5 tools to help you find courage, creativity, and willpower and inspire you to live life in forward motion. I immediately ordered it and it arrived the day before Thanksgiving.
\n\n\nMr. FixIt went to town last night to hang with his bowling buddies and I knew it was my moment to watch the film. I was entranced. I stopped, rewound, paused to reflect, and started again. The 90+ minute film took me nearly three hours to get through. I want to watch it again…at least once…before I delve into the book. I absorbed a lot of it, but the biggest takeaway was this.
\n\n\nNo one gets it right. The whole of life is a process and you will mess it up royally, but that doesn’t matter as much as simply learning to move forward through it.
\n\n\nThese are difficult times we’re in right now. Empathy and compassion seem to be in short supply these days and any tools we can find to help us navigate the rough waters of life are blessings. I picture a world where the tools spread from one person to another to make a great wave of healing. Yes…God is the ultimate physician and God can heal us of anything and everything. And…God can touch the minds of brilliant people and inspire them to great insights into the human condition that can help people cope. That’s what I felt in this film…because it came from a place of pure, authentic love and respect.
\n\n\nIf you get a chance, do give it a watch. There are a few coarse words in the conversations between Jonah and Stutz, but it doesn’t take away from the message overall. I’ll let you know what I think of the book when I get through it. In the meantime, remember…take care of yourselves. And each other.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/28/self-care-isnt-selfish.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Change","Healing","Anxiety","Mental Health"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/11/06/the-unexpected.html", "title": "The Unexpected", "content_html": "\n“Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am.’ If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.”
\nIsaiah 58:12 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cfe9fade50.jpg\")
I usually go with the flow fairly easily. After all…change is my middle name. However, on occasion…under the right set of circumstances, a quick change of plans can throw me for a loop and that occasion came yesterday.
\n\n\nWe are preparing for the roofing to begin tomorrow. There are several things that have to be put into place before that can happen. We have the shingles and the plywood. The flashing and the ridge vents. We still need the underlayment and we need to rent the shingles elevator so no one has to carry the shingles up the ladder to the roof. What we needed yesterday was a nail gun and the roofing nails for it.
\n\n\nWe were going to rent one, but my incredible personal contractor…aka Mr. FixIt…found one at Harbor Freight on sale. We’ll need it for this job, plus next year when we roof the other end of the house. It makes a lot more sense to buy one than to rent one for multiple days. We set out for town. I don’t always go on these trips, but I thought this one might be fun…and, maybe I could keep it short by going with him. Big’s Swim Meet was online at 2:00 and it was only noon. Plenty of time to get to town and back.
\n\n\nNow, have you ever seen us have a “quick trip to town”? No? Me, either. We drove in and the route we took had a detour. We were in the Lincoln. I was driving down a side street, took my foot off the gas to slow down for a stoplight, and the car stalled. At first I was puzzled and couldn’t figure out what happened. Then I looked at the control panel and it was lit up like a Christmas tree. I turned the key off, then back on, and it started right up.
\n\n\nWe got to Harbor Freight and Mr. FixIt went in. After some time, he came back to the car and said they didn’t have any nail guns, nor did they have roofing nails. I thought the alternative would be to go to one of the other big box hardware stores and just buy one there, but that is not the way this is done. The sale nail gun was $89. The cheapest at the big box stores was $269. Big difference. The old me would have just sucked it up and bought the other one, but that’s not how it works anymore. We are committed to good stewardship.
\n\n\nSo, my sweetheart looked it up on line and the closest Harbor Freight to us was 52 miles away. As matter of factly as he could muster, Mr. FixIt said, “Well, we’ll just have to go there and get one.”
\n\n\nNow, ordinarily this wouldn’t be a big deal for me. But my brain started racing ahead of me and all I could think about was… “The car stalled unexpectedly.” “What if it stalls when we’re out on the highway?” “I don’t want to get stuck someplace and have to wait…and wait…and wait for the rescue service to come help us.” On top of that, it was 85 degrees. I immediately went into fight or flight response. With my palms sweating and my heart pounding and stomach churning, I turned to my sweetheart and said, “Well, I will just take you home and you can go back out and get it yourself.”
\n\n\nThinking in my addled brain that this was just a fine solution.
\n\n\nIt was not.
\n\n\nFirst of all…it was a half hour in the wrong direction then a half hour back and we were already in town.
\n\n\nI was insistent. Tempers flared a bit.
\n\n\nI knew I was being unreasonable. But full blown panic attacks throw reason right out the window. I decided to break it down into steps I COULD do.
\n\n\nWe stopped at the nearby Walmart and Mr. FixIt got a little bottle of gas treatment to put in the tank. He went inside to get it and I stayed in the car. A cooling off period is helpful when tempers are hot. By the time he came back, I was prepared for the next little step.
\n\n\nWe stopped for gas and he put the treatment in the tank along with a full tank of Hi-Test gas…lessening the chances of the engine stalling. I felt the engine roar when I started it up. It sounded normal which gave me confidence. Ok…I can work through this a little more.
\n\n\nI reminded him he doesn’t really understand a panic attack because he’s never had one. He reminded me he is doing the best he can to get the roofing completed as frugally as possible. Just that little exchange settled things because it gave us compassion to see the other’s attempts. Compassion brings with it a sense of teamwork and off we went.
\n\n\nI took something to settle my stomach and he drove the rest of the way. As soon as I started reminding myself I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me, an instant wave of calm came over me. It wasn’t too long we passed a huge sign on a hill by the highway that said,
\n\n\n“Jesus Love You!”
\n\n\nI sat back in my seat and smiled.
\n\n\nThat He does…that He does.
\n\n\nWe got the nail gun and the nails and the rest of the night turned into “Date Night”. We went to a Noodles & Company for supper. It was so delightfully warm, we sat out on the patio and watched a rainbow. We had lovely conversation and held hands on the way home.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3438d56b8d.jpg\")
I thank God every day that He brought this amazing, understanding, gentle and kind man into my life. I know firsthand it is not easy to live with someone who has an anxiety disorder. There’s absolutely no rhyme or reason to it and the trigger can be the most inane thing. Yet…he’s there. He’s always there for me…as I am for him. I don’t know what I did to deserve him, but I’m sure glad he’s here because he’s the BEST!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/06/the-unexpected.html", "tags": ["God","Peace","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/10/14/an-open-letter-to-every.html", "title": "An Open Letter to Every College Freshman", "content_html": "\n“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
\nPhilippians 4:6-7 ESV\n
![\"Grandma’s](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c21ece9c08.jpg\")
Hi there, sweetheart…
\n\n\nI hope you’re getting settled into your new routine and you’re making lots of new friends. College is such an exciting time. Because it’s different. It’s a change…and sometimes change can be a little scary. I mean…here you are out there, doing your thing, learning, growing. But you need some stability. You need to know not EVERYTHING is changing. You want to come back home on the Winter Break and have everything just the way you left it because that’s your security blanket…your touchstone. I get it. I’ve been there.
\n\n\nI left home in July 1973 right after I graduated from x-ray school. I’d been married for six months and the very next day, I was getting on a big plane and flying to England to join my new husband. I had just turned 20. I drove out to my Grandma’s farm to say goodbye to her one last time. I spent some extra moments when I was backing out of the driveway to leave. I wanted to memorize every square inch of that place and my grandma’s face because I wasn’t coming back for a couple of years. It felt like an eternity till I would embrace them again.
\n\n\nWhen I finally came back before we moved to our next assignment in Colorado, I couldn’t wait to get back to the farm and see my grandma and Uncle Bob and that house that I so dearly loved. But, when I pulled in the driveway, I was in for a shock. While I was gone, my Uncle Bud had painted the old wood house that had weathered to such a beautiful grey. And what did he paint it? Red. Bright cherry red with white trim around the windows!
\n\n\nI was shocked. Confused. Angry. Hurt.
\n\n\nNo one told me. The one thing I thought would never ever change…did. It was a kick in the gut, I’m telling you. Then, when I walked in the back door, there was my very sweet grandma holding out her hands to take her first great grandchild into her arms. That’s when it occurred to me…I had changed, too. My baby girl changed everyone’s lives. I learned from that experience to embrace change…to make “Change” my middle name. After all, it’s unavoidable so you might as well go through it with love and light instead of fear and loathing. It makes life a lot easier.
\n\n\nI get it…I do. Maybe your grandparents have decided now is the time to downsize and make their lives a little easier and that house won’t be there for you when you come home. There are all kinds of changes that can occur because when you are out there in the world…changing…we’re all back here and we’re changing, too. Just know this…we sure love you and we’re so proud of you and happy you are getting these opportunities. Keep learning and growing and changing into the beautiful being you are becoming, dear one.
\n\n\nLet change rest on you like the new fallen snow.
\n\n\nLove you bunches, honey…
\n\n\nNana
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-10-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/10/14/an-open-letter-to-every.html", "tags": ["Change","Control","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/08/09/would-it-help.html", "title": "Would It Help?", "content_html": "\n“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:”
\nEcclesiastes 3:1 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ae5ef3e642.jpg\")
I’ve set aside the stitches for the sleeves and I’m working down the body of the sweater.
\n\n\nI’ve all but stopped watching movies. I’ll bet I could count on one hand how many I’ve been able to sit through since Mr. Virgo died. For a lot of reasons. Mainly, because my attention span is that of a preschooler. But also because I can’t stand blood and gore anymore. Or sirens. Or emergency room scenes. PTSD is a beast that kinda lurks in the background…waiting to pounce when you least expect it. I don’t necessarily miss movies because I have a zillion other things I’d rather do.
\n\n\nOn Sunday afternoon, Mr. FixIt and I were sitting in the living room waiting for the kids to arrive. I was knitting and he was scrolling through channels looking for something interesting. We watched an episode of Monk. I can tolerate that because there’s not a lot of real gore or ER scenes. And Monk is so endearing with his own case of PTSD surrounding the loss of his wife. I can relate to him.
\n\n\nAt the end of the episode, a movie started. I watched the opening credits and when I saw Tom Hanks was starring in it, I decided to give it a shot. I really enjoy his acting. The movie was Bridge of Spies. It takes place during the Cold War. A spy is caught, a pilot is downed, and an exchange is attempted. There’s lots of intrigue and it’s based on a real event. The Russian spy is an unassuming, bespectacled man who paints portraits and carries secrets. Tom Hanks plays the attorney who is assigned to defend the spy…not a popular position in the McCarthy Era.
\n\n\nThere is a courtroom scene where Hanks’ character is sharing some disappointing news to the spy who is cool as a cucumber. Hanks turns to him and says, “Don’t you ever worry?” The spy calmly looks at him and says, “Would it help?”
\n\n\nI sat there for a moment, thinking about this simple three word question we could all use every single time something worrisome comes up. I come from a long line of professional worriers. Just yesterday, I was talking with my brother on the phone. We’d been playing phone tag for a couple days. As we were saying our goodbyes, he said, “I’m glad you’re still alive.” I said, “Sweetheart, when you call me and I don’t answer, it means that I’m busy, not that I’m dead, ok?” He said, “Ok, I’ll try not to worry.”
\n\n\nI hate worrying, but that sure doesn’t stop me from doing it. I can remember in my 20’s and 30’s, trying to call my mom…who was ALWAYS home. I was actually known to call the ER to see if she was there when I couldn’t reach her in a timely fashion. I worried about my kids…probably WAY too much, but that’s what happens when you’ve been the victim of childhood sexual abuse. You worry about EVERY possible thing that can go wrong and you try to plan out every possible scenario before it happens so you don’t get caught flat footed.
\n\n\nIt’s exhausting.
\n\n\nWhat a simple question to ask yourself when you start down that rabbit hole.
\n\n\n“Would it help?”
\n\n\nDoes worrying help anything…I mean, really help? It just compounds an already stressful situation. I’ve done a lot better as I get older. I have a lot more tools in my toolbox. One of the most common questions I ask myself is this…
\n\n\n“Is there anything I can do about it at this very moment?”
\n\n\nIf the answer is yes…then I try to do that thing. If the answer is no, I just hand it over to God and ask Him to do the heavy lifting for me. If not, I can easily slip into anticipatory anxiety and I hate that.
\n\n\nGod wants to help us…on all days…in all ways. Nothing is too big or too small for God. We aren’t bothering Him when we ask Him for help. As a matter of fact, I think it pleases Him greatly when we turn to Him. Just remember how you feel when your adult child asks you for your opinion or direction. Doesn’t that feel good? Well, it feels good to God, too.
\n\n\nNext time you’re handling something cool as a cucumber and someone says, “Don’t you ever worry?” Just ask them…
\n\n\n“Would it help?”
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-08-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/08/09/would-it-help.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/05/25/vicarious-trauma-and-senseless-loss.html", "title": "Vicarious Trauma and Senseless Loss", "content_html": "\n“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”
\nProverbs 12:25 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1a656f587c.jpg\")
Something happened Monday night that I didn’t tell you about because I wanted to ruminate on it a bit. I do my best thinking when I drive and this deserved some serious cogitation. I was settled in for the night in The Big Birdhouse out by the garden at my son-in-law’s parents house. Ben and Sue are kind enough to let me plug into the electric out in the shed so I can have my own little space and “pretend camp” in the driveway.
\n\n\nI had already made the decision to pack up and head home yesterday morning and was just finishing up my scheduled post when Sue texted.
\n\n\n“Ben is coming out to get you in here. Cops are looking for two armed and dangerous men!”
\n\n\nI jumped up and threw a few things into an overnight bag just as Ben knocked on the door. When I opened it up, there were flashing blue lights all over the place so we locked everything up and quickly scurried inside. The neighbor had alerted Sue and said the police were scouring her yard. We went around and closed all the blinds and locked all the doors including the deadbolts.
\n\n\nI noticed Ben rummaging round and half-joking asked if he was getting his gun. He is a retired policeman. He came around the door and asked if I wanted one, too. I only paused for second when I took the loaded revolver and placed it on the nightstand beside my bed. I was sleeping in the guest wing and wasn’t close enough to feel protected. Yet….
\n\n\nMy heart is changing about the issue of firearms. Mr. Virgo was all about protecting what was ours…including our lives, our stuff, and our right to bear arms. I took a concealed carry class and had a permit. When we worked on the ranch in southern Colorado, we both open carried when we were out on the property because there were dangerous characters out there…two-legged as well as four.
\n\n\nWhen Mr. Virgo died, he left me with no less than seventeen firearms…most of which I traded in for a beautiful diamond ring. I did, however, keep his beautiful western nickel plated long barrel .357 as well as the replica service revolver. After he died, I carried a .357 with me whenever I traveled alone…in my camper and in my truck. I felt safer with it and that was the point.
\n\n\nHowever…as I have aged and I have seen more and more senseless gun violence, I am less inclined to carry it with me. For one thing, there was a terrible injured deer at our place a couple of years ago. I asked my friend Sparky who I should have come put it out of its misery for me. She laughed and said, “You’ll probably just have to do it yourself. We live in the country, you know?” I knew. I was no stranger to hunting and I was no stranger to putting a suffering animal mercifully out of its misery.
\n\n\nI carried the loaded .357 out around the corner of the house where the poor deer was standing. I carefully took note of the surroundings to make sure I wasn’t overlooking any danger beyond the animal. I was not shooting towards a road or another house. There was nothing but unpopulated hillside on the other side of the deer. I carefully raised the weapon, took aim, breathed through my shot, and the gun fired. I felt the strong kick of the force in my hands. And looked trepidatiously to see the damage done to the poor doe.
\n\n\nNothing.
\n\n\nShe stood there with her big doe eyes, looking straight at me, still chewing the mouthful of grass she’d been munching as I aimed.
\n\n\nThis told me something about myself. If I can’t hit a deer not fifteen to twenty feet away from me in a calm and calculated fashion, I sure as hell can’t hit an attacker in the heat of a violent act. I no longer had the heart for it.
\n\n\nMy guns have remained in the safe, locked away ever since. I’ve kept them for a couple of reasons. If I really HAD to, and the lives of my loved ones were in danger, I would try to protect myself and them as best I could. And, they are one of the last things I have that belonged to Mr. Virgo. AND…I don’t want them in the hands of some nefarious character where they might be used in a heinous act.
\n\n\nLike the shooting of more innocent children yesterday.
\n\n\nBabies. They are still shooting babies in their classrooms.
\n\n\nI wish people were as anti-gun violence as they are anti-abortion.
\n\n\nOnce I heard that news, I knew why I didn’t sleep much Monday night with that weapon two feet from my head. I pulled off the road early, got a campsite, and quit for the day.
\n\n\nVicarious trauma…when the violent events of the world deeply affect those who witness it, read about it, see it and hear it on social media and the news.
\n\n\nIt’s just too much for this mama’s heart.
\n\n\nMay we never become so numb to the ugliness that we don’t fight for a better world. May we not hide our heads in the sand. May we be strong and courageous and stand up for what’s right and protect the innocents among us.
\n\n\nYes…my prayers are with those who suffer needlessly. But it’s time for more than “thoughts and prayers”.
\n\n\nThe time for bandaids is long gone. It’s time for real and lasting change.
\n\n\n❤️?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-05-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/05/25/vicarious-trauma-and-senseless-loss.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Anger","Warning","Choices","Change","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/04/09/when-the-images-are-too.html", "title": "When the Images are Too Disturbing", "content_html": "\n“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And “If the righteous is scarcely saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?” Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.”
\n1 Peter 4:12-19 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/54e2dc39e3.jpg\")
Our miniature rhododendron is blooming.
\n\n\nWe had a lovely home day. A bowl of oats. Andy Griffith reruns. Knitting. A visit from my bonus daughter and her husband. We watched the most recent episodes of American Idol. It was chilly and rained off and on all day. At 4:30, we bundled up and headed to town for the youngest granddaughter’s softball game.
\n\n\nWe stopped and grabbed a sandwich on the way and at the last minute, Mr. FixIt called to find out if the game was still on and sure enough…it was cancelled. We whipped into one of our favorite discount stores to pick up some pool chemicals. It’ll be time to start working on that project pretty soon.
\n\n\nWhen we walked back into the house and put our things away, I asked my sweetheart to please wait to turn the news on because I just don’t have it in me. When the news anchor says, “I must warn you, these images may be too disturbing to watch.” I’ve only watched the news a handful of times since Ukraine was invaded. And each time was worse than the last. Earlier this week, I saw the bodies in the streets. I simply cannot do that. It is not good for my health…mental or physical.
\n\n\nI do read the news online to get the gist of what’s going on in the world. I don’t have to read all the stories or look at all the pictures to get an understanding of what’s happening. I read a devastating story about a Russian woman who lives in the states. She was a normal person, a good wife and mother, till she started following the news of the Russian invasion. Something broke in her. She became convinced Russian spies were going to come take her children and abuse them. She became paranoid and heard voices. She started drinking heavily and became violent. And finally, she killed her youngest son with her bare hands. In court, she turned to family members in the gallery and told them she loved them and she doesn’t understand what has happened.
\n\n\nWhat happened is what they used to call a “nervous breakdown”. It a sort of trash basket description of a psychotic break, anxiety, or depression. When I was growing up, once in a while I would hear Mom talking about someone having a nervous breakdown. I sort of looked at it as emotional exhaustion. Something that seemed to happen when people were under an inordinate amount of stress. In my child mind, you got to go into the hospital for a nice, weeklong rest from housework and child rearing. It didn’t seem like such a bad thing.
\n\n\nTill it happened to me.
\n\n\nI was going through a terrible stretch in my marriage to Hubby #2. I was stressed, sleep deprived, and had a baby and a sixteen year old. I coped with alcohol and prescription medications. Sometimes I handled things well…other times, not so much. When he’d had all he could take, he was done. My marriage was over and I was so far down the hill, I didn’t know how I would ever get back up again.
\n\n\nI had that “nervous breakdown”. I overdosed on two full bottles of medicine. After two or three days in our local hospital, I went into a behavioral unit for a couple of weeks to get my **** together. That’s when I found out, it wasn’t a nice week off full of tea and cookies and naps in a darkened room. It was brutal and flat out scary. This poor woman who resorted to murder was out of her mind and it doesn’t sound like she was getting any psychiatric help, even though the police had been called to their home at some point.
\n\n\nI am afraid there will be a tsunami of mental health crises in the aftermath of the pandemic and the current events in the world. I’ve had moments in the last year when anxiety overtook me. But, I’ve been to the bottom in the past and I have more tools in my toolbox than I did prior to that hospitalization. I could recognize now if I needed help more urgently. Not everyone has those tools or that insight into their own behaviors. I urge anyone who is struggling with their mental health to reach out to someone for help. You can start with your doctor or clergy person, your spouse or a trusted friend.
\n\n\nThere is absolutely no shame in asking for help with your mental health. No more so than asking for help with a broken arm or a bad gallbladder. Perhaps this time in our civilization will be the catalyst to finally let go of some of the stigmas surrounding mental illness. No one should be left to their own devices during these challenging times to keep both oars in the water. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone who cares.
\n\n\nWe may not be in the same boat, but we are in this storm together. Let’s walk with each other and lift each other up.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-04-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/04/09/when-the-images-are-too.html", "tags": ["Health","Fear","Courage","Choices","Insight","Control","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/04/03/a-rough-night-and-a.html", "title": "A Rough Night and a Good Day", "content_html": "\n“The waters closed in over me to take my life; the deep surrounded me; weeds were wrapped about my head at the roots of the mountains. I went down to the land whose bars closed upon me forever; yet you brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God. When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple.”
\nJonah 2:5-7 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/79df478733.jpg\")
I haven’t had one of my “rough nights” in quite a while. When I was a new widow, every night was a rough night. I remember literally clinging to the side of the mattress and willing myself to live until morning. I rode out wave after wave of grief, fear, and anxiety over and over. It wore me out. I will never forget when the sun started to shine again. Those long dark nights finally started to recede and I didn’t feel like I was struggling as much with my grief.
\n\n\nThen, the hyperparathyroidism started and so many of the symptoms mimic the anguish of grief. I felt like I’d been thrown back in the fire and it was almost too much to bear. Around that time, Mr. FixIt and I started dating. A new love interest grew and it did wonders for my healing. Ours wasn’t a bandaid fix or a distraction to grieving. I still had plenty of grief to deal with, but it did show me there was a light at the end of the tunnel and I could live happily again.
\n\n\nHyperparathyroidism wreaks havoc with my physical and mental wellbeing. I’ve gone a long way toward taming that beast but still, from time to time…and for whatever reason…I have a rough night. It starts with a sharp increase in pain. Then I become fidgety and toss and turn and can’t get to sleep. Then my tired brain says, “You’d better get some rest, kiddo. What if something happens and you’ve got to be at the top of your game.” At that point, anxiety starts to creep in and I get hyper focused on trying to get to sleep.
\n\n\nHave you ever tried to will yourself to sleep? It just doesn’t work. I was still counting the dots on the ceiling at 8:00 yesterday morning. I had long since moved into the guest room so at least Mr. FixIt could get some sleep. I finally drifted off around 8:30 or so and woke up at 12:30. Mr. FixIt was gone. He left for the youngest granddaughter’s softball game. I hated to miss it, but I was so glad he didn’t wake me up. I needed the rest.
\n\n\nThe weirdest thing is, after a night like that, I wake up and…other than being a little tired…I feel like a million bucks and I can take on anything. It’s crazy making. Mr. FixIt left me a note telling me he would call me after the game. I decided to just drive on into town and meet him so we could have a date. We got a salad from a local restaurant and went to “The Point” to watch the riverboat traffic. It was a beautiful evening and the barge traffic didn’t disappoint. When we got home, I knitted while we watched the news and that was the end of the day.
\n\n\nI am so grateful those nights don't show up much anymore. They are maddening but I’ve learned to accept them for what they are…my mind and body crying out for a little TLC and time with Jesus. Curling up in bed with my Bible readings when I’m feeling those waves calms me immensely. I used to listen to the enemy and beat myself up, telling myself I’m “weak” and “crazy” but neither one is true. I am strong and dealing with a physical ailment that I have no control over.
\n\n\nChronic illness is a slippery sucker. No one really knows you have it unless it shows from the outside. I have been so blessed with this platform in which I am constantly reminded I am not alone. There are countless others who have physical and mental struggles to carry. I think God put me here to learn that…and to be there for others as they walk a familiar path.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-04-03T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/04/03/a-rough-night-and-a.html", "tags": ["Health","Courage","Control","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/02/03/lets-dance.html", "title": "Let’s Dance!", "content_html": "\n“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”
\n2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4097ed5f35.jpg\")
Put on your red shoes and dance the blues! I love to dance and my favorite place to dance is at a concert when everyone else is standing up and dancing, too. Gosh, it’s been a long time since I’ve danced to live music. Lately, I been feeling the sting of these last couple of years. The isolation of the pandemic and not getting to just do what I want, when I want is making me cranky and restless. I’m getting a HUGE case of 24 month cabin fever!
\n\n\nI haven’t stayed inside and away from everyone for the last 24 months. I’ve traveled…safely. I’ve camped…safely. I’ve had company over…safely. Don’t get me wrong…I’m all about safety. But I’m probably one of the most spontaneous people you’re likely to meet. Well, I used to be…BC. Before Covid. I love to throw some things in a bag and hit the road at a moment’s notice. I haven’t done that for a long, long time.
\n\n\nWhen we watched the news on Tuesday night, I turned to my sweetie and said, “We need to go to Columbus tomorrow.” Now, I may be a spontaneous person, but my sweetheart is…not so much. He likes to know what’s coming and he isn’t a big fan of change. That being said, he is my number one fan and he knew there had to be a perfectly reasonable explanation for this sudden twist in the plot.
\n\n\nIt was more than just the ice and snow coming. I had one of my “bad nights” Tuesday night. I was filled with anxiety and I couldn’t turn off my brain till finally I gave up at 5:30 in the morning. I fell into a deep sleep for four hours and when I woke up, I started throwing things in the truck so we could get the heck out of Dodge.
\n\n\nI don’t have “bad nights” nearly as often as I used to. They were a daily occurrence in the first couple of years after Mr. Virgo died. I tried every tool in my tool box. I saw that there was a big snowstorm out in Denver and I knew my youngest was going to be driving in that to work. Throw it to God. What happens if we get all the way up there and they cancel my surgery because of the weather? Throw it to God. Ugh…I remember how I felt after that surgery last year. I hate to have to go through that again. Throw it to God.
\n\n\nI was wadding up thoughts faster than a sixth grade boy making spitballs. I shot them over to Jesus as fast as he could catch them. And you know what? He just kept catching them! He smiled and said, “I can do this all night, kiddo. How’s about you get some sleep and let me take care of the tough stuff for a while? Whadya say?’
\n\n\nThat was at about 5:30am. I smiled back and whispered, “You’re on!”
\n\n\nI turned over, pulled the covers up to my chin, released my tongue from the roof of my mouth where I firmly press it when I’m anxious, and repeated my mantra. Don’t think…don’t think…don’t think. You can’t think if you’re busy thinking, “Don’t think.”
\n\n\nSo, here we are in a beautiful hotel suite with huge windows overlooking the river. We made a run to the local Kroger store and have enough good food and snacks to tide us over till we head home a day or two after the surgery. I’m happily knitting on my sweater. Mr. FixIt is glad to see me smiling and less tense. Everything is going to work out great. And I’m really looking forward to feeling better and more like my old self. Then I can get back out there and dance!
\n\n\n❄️❤️❄️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-02-03T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/02/03/lets-dance.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Be Joyful!","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/01/13/handing-over-the-reins.html", "title": "Handing Over the Reins", "content_html": "\n“Let them praise his name with dancing, making melody to him with tambourine and lyre!”
\nPsalm 149:3 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/35df44a938.jpg\")
I’m learning to say “There is a part of me that gets anxious and afraid” instead of “I have anxiety.” It is a way of telling anxiety…”You’re not the boss of me!” I’ve been reading the BEST bible studies lately about anxiety and fear and handing it over…letting it go…and giving it all to God. I started studying “You’re Not the Boss of Me: 7 Keys to Managing Anxiety” and “10 Days Of Defeating Anxiety” and they have really helped. When I knew I was going to have this invasive test a couple of weeks ago, I sequestered myself in the Big Birdhouse out back and studied, prayed, handed over, and visualized going through the entire thing with great peace. And…that’s exactly what God gave me.
\n\n\nNow I’m going to be heading into another surgery. My youngest daughter and her spouse are very sick, presumably with Covid and were tested today. She has bad asthma…so, you know…I’m a mom. I worry. One of my grandchildren was sick but her test came back negative and she’s feeling better so that’s a relief. Then, I heard from my brother’s caregivers last night…he has tested positive for Covid.
\n\n\nMy very first response was fear which quickly amps up into anxiety. So I made myself stop and remember what I’ve been studying the last two weeks. First off…my brother has been double vaxxed and boosted AND he is not experiencing any symptoms. I closed my eyes…took a few deep breaths, and reread the message. He hasn’t been experiencing any symptoms and he’s fully vaxxed and he seems to be doing good and….he hasn’t been experiencing any symptoms. Did I mention he hasn’t been experiencing any symptoms? Good…because that’s what I’m clinging to.
\n\n\nI tried to reach him but unless he is holding his phone, he doesn’t hear it. What can I do? I can’t jump on a plane and fly to Denver, rent a car and drive four hours to get there…only to be turned away because he’s in quarantine. That doesn’t help him, and it isn’t safe for me, either. I did the only thing I could do…I immediately handed it over to God and prayed fervently that He will keep my Bubby safe. I have the numbers of his caregivers and they will keep me apprised.
\n\n\nThe circle of Covid is tightening, my friends. I know more and more people who are catching it. One of my Facebook friends wrote in a post that she was hospitalized with Covid and pneumonia and hasn’t posted anything since. And that’s been days ago. I’m not sure if she was vaccinated or not. Yes, I know…the vaccinated can still get a breakthrough infection. But…overall…they are not getting as sick as those who still refuse to get the vaccine. Please….please….please get vaccinated and protect yourselves and those you love. There have been millions and millions of vaccine doses now and you aren’t going to glow in the dark or turn the microwave on when you cough or be marked by the beast. The benefits far outweigh the risks. If it’s fear of a needle that has you spooked, get a trusted friend to take you and hold your hand. Give your fear to God, and go get this lifesaving vaccine. I’m so weary of losing people. I don’t want to lose you, too.
\n\n\nPlease say a little prayer for my brother and my girls and Evelyn and all who are affected by this virus.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”
\nIsaiah 41:10 NLT\n
#Covid, #Fear, #Anxiety, #Surrender
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-01-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/01/13/handing-over-the-reins.html", "tags": ["Health","God","Fear","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/25/joy-to-the-world.html", "title": "Joy to the World!", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1dcdb6994a.jpg\")
My day didn’t start out as I’d hoped for Christmas Eve. I didn’t sleep well and ended up moving to the guest room so I didn’t keep Mr. FixIt awake all night, too. No need for both of us to be sleep deprived. I laid there awake for hours and…when I’m awake, the motor’s running. My brain, to be exact. When I finally would drift off to sleep, I had nightmares that superimposed Mr. Virgo’s death and Mr. FixIt. I awoke in a sweat each time only to drift off again and take up where I left off. I finally woke up for good around 10:00 and felt lousy. The last thing I wanted to do was cook scallops and lamb chops. I asked my sweetheart if he would mind holding off the celebratory Christmas Dinner till tomorrow. My husband, being the most wonderful man on the planet, rolled with the punches and was fine with that. He is so flexible and patient with me. This is the nature of PTSD and grief. Some days are good…some aren’t. Yesterday didn’t start out good.
\n\n\nHowever…I was bound and determined I was going to lift up out of that blue funk and still enjoy the day, even if it entailed a lot of self care. I looked at the Weather App and it was closing in on 60 degrees by 1:00 here in our little neck of the woods. West Virginia had a rare White Christmas last year. So, of course…it will be springlike with rain this year! I walked into the family room and told Mr. FixIt I had a plan. I was going to go out to the camper and hang out for a little quiet time and recharge.
\n\n\nI was amazed at the number of dead flies and ladybugs in there! It’s the country, and campers aren’t airtight. I took the Dustbuster out and swept up and cleaned out the refrigerator and cabinets of any food items. I should have done that a couple months ago, but just didn’t get around to it. Once the place was clean, I climbed in my bed, pulled a pile of covers over me and sunk down in…breathing a sigh of relief.
\n\n\nI love camper time. I especially needed it yesterday and it was like medicine. I curled up and read and just soaked in all that camper goodness. It’s like the playhouse I never had as a kid. The treehouse. The blanket fort. It’s small and cozy and smells like the woods. It soothes me. I drank bottles of water and felt so much better in a couple of hours. I went back inside and greeted my sweetheart. I sat down to knit. He puttered outside for a bit then made a batch of Peanut Butter Blossoms.
\n\n\nThe house soon smelled like peanut butter and chocolate. Another area of lights burned out on the tree. There’s only a couple small gifts under it. My cousin and aunt called me from Nevada to wish us a Merry Christmas. I had video chats with the Colorado families. I ate a little. And before I knew it…I felt so much better…so much lighter. As I talked with Daughter #2, she asked how I was holding up. I was honest and told her everything. Then I apologized and said I’d be better soon. She motioned me to come closer to the camera.
\n\n\n“You are grieving. It’s ok to feel all the feels. Sadness, anger, anxiety…all of it. Do not apologize for feeling your feelings.” She’s right, of course. Smart girl. It’s a little harder to practice what you preach sometimes, isn’t it? At any rate, I felt so much better after connecting with my people. Today is a new day. It might be good. It might not. But it’s a day, and it’s what we got, and I know I can close my eyes at any moment and ask Jesus to come walk with me awhile. To lift me up and make me stronger to do the things that need to be done. It’s His Birthday today, and I can’t think of a better way to spend it than quietly. Paring everything back to the basics has been so healing this year. And, isn’t that’s what it’s all about?
\n\n\nJust…love.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-25T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/25/joy-to-the-world.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Holiday","Healing","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/10/30/tripping-the-trigger.html", "title": "Tripping the Trigger", "content_html": "\n“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.”
\nLuke 2:11 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/55f6b26f72.jpg\")
I went to town yesterday morning to take the truck in for repairs. I was really early, so I stopped at my favorite coffee shop and enjoyed a latte and a pastry and read my new Brenda Gantt cookbook. As I sat there, thinking about the upcoming garage visit, I became uncomfortable. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why. This happens sometimes and I have to cogitate on it for a while before it comes to me.
\n\n\nYou’ve probably heard the term trigger used in a way that doesn’t relate to guns. It wasn’t all that many years ago that I learned about trauma triggers. I will quote from Wikipedia: A trauma trigger is a psychological stimulus that prompts involuntary recall of a previous traumatic experience. The stimulus itself need not be frightening or traumatic and may be only indirectly or superficially reminiscent of an earlier traumatic incident, such as a scent or a piece of clothing.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3f17f08836.jpg\")
A couple of days ago, I had a little time to kill between appointments, so I went to my favorite antique shop. I was browsing around and I saw some really cool glasses, a couple of quilts, a neat crock. Then, I saw a doll and a very faint memory flickered through my mind like a bolt of lightning streaks across a distant sky and was gone. It was so far away. I couldn’t hear the thunder, but the storm was coming nonetheless.
\n\n\nI turned a corner and there was a little doll carriage…old fashioned, metal frame, white wheels. There was the lightning again…a little closer. I turned to look around and there were kid’s books and the storm was closer. This hadn’t happened to me in a long time. It used to send me into a panic and I’d run away, but this time I stayed looking for the hurricane so I could face it head on.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3425ab4b8e.jpg\")
I became a “storm chaser”.
\n\n\nMy eyes ran over the shelves of old toys, each one stirring the winds, till I hit the mother lode.
\n\n\nThere, on the top shelf, was a picture block puzzle. And…immediately I was transported to the stone garage behind the house next door to my grandmother. It was dark and the windows were glazed over with years of dust and soot. The light shone faintly through. A man was carrying me. His breath was labored, his tweedy suit scratchy against my bare legs. He wasn’t my dad. He wasn’t my grandfather. He was old and he had me alone in a dark garage. I was maybe two or three.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2bced4f3e9.jpg\")
I don’t know where my mother was, nor why I was here with this man. I have a vague memory of him showing me toys. Old fashioned, old timey toys. An old leather pram. A doll with a cracked face and a dark blue velvet jacket worn bare in places. And a wooden block picture puzzle…the kind you could make lots of pictures with because of all the sides. I have a vague memory of him giving me that puzzle but I have no idea whatever happened to it.
\n\n\nHis hands were gentle, and I wasn’t scared of him. That’s why I think he must have been someone we knew, like Grandmother’s neighbor. His wife had TB and used to sit on the front porch with Grandmother. I was always instructed to be polite to them. There wasn’t anything traumatic about that memory.
\n\n\nHowever, because of that experience, I was trusting. Too trusting. A few years later, when I was about eight or so, the neighbor boy asked my friend Karen and I if we wanted to see the old toys in their garage. I took Karen’s hand and followed him into the garage where the boy proceeded to trap me and sexually assault me. We managed to escape before he could hurt Karen, but I was left forever traumatized by that seminal event.
\n\n\nWhen I saw the toys in the antique store on Tuesday, it tripped a trauma trigger and my palms started sweating and I felt I couldn’t catch my breath. But I stayed with it. I rode the lightning, because if I don’t, it wins. I stayed. I looked at every toy and told it…”You are nothing but a memory and yesterday cannot hurt me. I’ve forgiven the people who abused me in the past. You are nothing but a trigger and a trigger is nothing but a thought and a thought is not what’s happening now. A thought cannot hurt me, so stop it.”
\n\n\nMy breathing slowed. My heart rate slowed. My blood pressure was still a little elevated at the doctor’s office a little bit later, but overall, I rode that through without having a full fledged panic attack. There was one thing I could NOT do. I couldn’t touch the puzzle blocks. Every time I reached out it was like static so I just left it alone. I took a picture, but try as I might, I couldn’t find it on my phone. I found a similar one on the internet.
\n\n\nDesensitization therapy is one of the most effective ways to work through trauma and minimize triggers. It doesn’t mean they go away or that you’ll never have them again, but it makes it easier to get through. When I have a strong experience like that, it sometimes takes a day or so to even out. As I sat in the coffee shop yesterday morning, the thought of going into the tiny little waiting area at the mechanic’s garage and sitting there for hours with strange men coming in and out made me uncomfortable.
\n\n\nI could have done it. I could have forced myself. But I decided to go with my gut. I called my sweet Mr. FixIt and explained the situation to him and said, “If I bring the truck back home, will you take it in later to the garage?” There’s a noise it’s been making and I’d like to have it fixed and Mr. FixIt knows exactly what it is. “Of course I’ll do that for you, baby.”
\n\n\nHe’s a good man.
\n\n\nI came home, went out to the camper, climbed in my little twin bed and curled up under the covers for a nap.
\n\n\nThat’s how I worked through a trauma trigger. It may not look like a home run because I didn’t pick up the puzzle and I didn’t take the truck in, but I assure you…progress does NOT mean perfection. God was with me every step of the way, reminding me how much stronger I am than I used to be. Mr. FixIt got to sit in a garage and shoot the bull with a whole mess of guys coming in and out. He got to go to his favorite little discount store and hang out for an hour talking with more people. He brought supper home and it was a good day.
\n\n\n???
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-10-30T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/10/30/tripping-the-trigger.html", "tags": ["Health","Wisdom","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/10/10/insights-and-accolades.html", "title": "Insights and Accolades", "content_html": "\n“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
\nIsaiah 41:10 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/133455f700.jpg\")
I love how the stop action in this shot froze the raindrops in the sunshine. It looks like glitter!
\n\n\nI told you yesterday about going up to Pennsylvania to sit with my besty Gail. You were so kind to say what a good friend I am…and I appreciate that. I love Gail to the moon and back. I love all my besties to the moon and back. But I can’t always pull off what I did Friday.
\n\n\nA dear friend asked me a couple years ago to take her to her appointment and sit with her while she got a transfusion. Another friend asked me if I could drive her to Columbus to an eye specialist. I couldn’t do either one and it had absolutely nothing to do with how much I love them. It had everything to do with my anxiety disorder and the feeling of being out of control. The very thought of going filled me with waves of anxiety, fear, and nausea.
\n\n\nHaving PTSD on top of an anxiety disorder certainly doesn’t help matters. So all of this has been made worse by losing Mr. Virgo. Yep…it’s been over eight years since I sat and watched him die. Nope, I’m not “over it”. You don’t ever get over it…you manage to get through it. You manage to get distance and figure out how to keep from falling off the edge. But, over it? Not so much.
\n\n\nDoes this mean I don’t love the friends I couldn’t help as much as those I did? Heck no. The difference was, I woke up Friday morning and I made the decision to go. No one expected anything of me. No one demanded anything of me. No one asked anything of me. I was in control of the decision so it was easier for me to go.
\n\n\nI hate letting people down…so I avoid situations in which there is the chance of disappointing someone. There is some research being done in England on Pathological Demand Avoidance. It is a rare little spot on the autism spectrum and it’s getting some attention. When I first read about it, it not only made so much sense to me surrounding my own behaviors, but it also described Daughter #2 as well.
\n\n\nWhen someone asks something of someone with PDA, they will jump through hoops to avoid it because of the severe anxiety it produces. They make excuses, they roll play when they can’t get out of it, they avoid situations where they feel out of control. I know I’ve hurt my friends’ feelings in the past and I hate that. I think the ones who really love me have understood when I explain, but I hate that I have to. The key is to be honest and explain yourself to them. And pray they understand.
\n\n\nI’m better in general than I used to be. I attribute a lot of that to healing and prayer and remembering I can to all things through Christ who strengthens me. Still, there are times when I have to say no. It makes me look like an untrustworthy friend. And I hate that the most. I think the thing I want you to take away from this is…
\n\n\nIf you ask something of someone and they cannot do it…please don’t automatically assume they are selfish or they don’t feel for you the same as you feel for them. Please don’t think they have something better to do or they don’t want to help you. We cannot know what is going on in another person’s mind…the way they see life…the way they deal with trauma and surprises and emergencies. I think my really good friends understand me…and they love me in spite of myself.
\n\n\nI just try to do my best and be the best person I can be. The rest I leave up to God to help me through.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-10-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/10/10/insights-and-accolades.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/06/17/a-great-day-for-working.html", "title": "A Great Day for Working Outdoors!", "content_html": "\n“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”
\nEphesians 4:25 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/56c331c10f.jpg\")
Our son-in-law showing off a turn-of-the-century bathtub!
\n\n\nYesterday was clear and bright and sunny. While it was hot in the direct sun, there was a lovely breeze and the temperature stayed comfortably in the mid 70’s. Our WV son-in-law came and helped Mr. FixIt with some long overdue work around the house. Land’s sake…they pushed and pushed and I couldn’t believe how nice it all looked when it was done.
\n\n\nThey moved two of the campers and mowed under them. They ran the weed eater all around the yard. Our son-in-law climbed the old TV antenna and tore out the vines and cut off the very top part. They need more muscle to take the whole thing down. They went down to the creek and dug out the last few feet of the ditch that filled in with mud and debris from the flash flood earlier this week. They took the disk grinder and cut the old rusty swing set apart and got it out of there. Then they shoveled up and hauled about ten bags of sand and moved it to fill low spots in the yard.
\n\n\nMy bonus daughter got in the pool and swept it really well. I cut up, blanched, and dehydrated a big bag of Vidalia onions, made an apple pie, grilled hot dogs for lunch and cleaned the kitchen. The house and yard are looking so nice. I still have to finish the guest bedroom. I’ve ordered fresh linens for the beds for the girls so they’ll be really comfortable while they’re here.
\n\n\nI love when we have the opportunity to sit around the table and talk about things. Yesterday’s topic was timely…anxiety and faith. We all have a certain level of anxiety or worry or fear. Or, more accurately…we are humans, so we are certainly prone to that. That’s why God tells us over and over and over to not be afraid…to trust in him to be there with us through our trials…to hand over the hard stuff and let him carry it. I love when you can quote scripture to back up your point. That conversation was validation as to how God works in our lives when we ask Him in.
\n\n\nThe other day, I was feeling worried and anxious about something that hadn’t even happened yet, and likely wouldn’t happen in the way I feared. I took the advice of the author of a devotional I was reading at the time. “Stop. Just stop right now and walk away to a quiet place and talk to God.” That’s what I did. I went out to TOW-Wanda, turned on the AC, stretched out on the bed and tucked my favorite fuzzy blanket up under my chin.
\n\n\nNow…what was it she said to do? Ah, yes…praise God for everything He does for me. I started with that favorite blanket.
\n\n\n“Thank you, God…for this comforting blanket.”
\n\n\n“Thank you, God…for this soft pillow to rest my head.”
\n\n\n“Thank you, God…for this safe space I can retreat to when I need to be alone with You.”
\n\n\n“Thank you, God…for the soft breeze blowing and rocking the camper so gently.”
\n\n\n“Thank you, God…for this wonderful husband you’ve brought me to partner my life with.”
\n\n\nOn and on…and after every “Thank you, God…” my anxiety and worry retreated farther and farther from me. And yesterday…I got to start that testimony with the kids and reinforce their faith…as well as my own. God doesn’t want us to live in a state of perpetual fear and stress. And these are certainly stressful times. God did not give us a spirit of fear, so if you are experiencing fear, worry, and anxiety…it is not coming from God. I cannot tell you how many times I have spoken aloud and told the enemy to get away from me…he has no dominion here. God knows our every thought. The enemy would like you to think he does, too…but he doesn’t. He cannot read your mind. So you have to speak aloud to him to make him go away. It’s really as easy as that.
\n\n\nSo, it was a good day…all the way around. More things accomplished. More jobs completed. More stories told. There is nothing more beautiful than family and faith.
\n\n\nAnd…apple pie!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-06-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/06/17/a-great-day-for-working.html", "tags": ["Faith","Love","God","Fear","Courage","Choices","Healing","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/06/11/my-cup-runneth-over.html", "title": "My Cup Runneth Over", "content_html": "\n“For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
\n2 Timothy 1:6-7 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/88ddae9482.jpg\")
We’ve had some big time rain in the last several days. When we had that dry stretch, the thought went through my mind...we should get the drain snake out and make sure the roots aren’t encroaching in the French drain around our house. That’s what the gutters drain into, and if we don’t keep it free and clear, we can easily end up with water in the basement. We’ve been diligent about it since last fall, but the last time we did it was just before we went to the beach in April. Needless to say, there’s been some root growth and our procrastination bit us in the butt yesterday.
\n\n\nI bought a water sensor several months ago. It is connected to our weather center that I bought Mr. FixIt a few years ago. The sensor sits on the cement floor by the door and as soon as it detects water, it sends a text to my phone to let me know. That’s great, except for one thing. I have notifications turned off except for emergencies and I forgot to include the sensor as an emergency! *shaking my head*
\n\n\nWe kinda slept in yesterday. At about 9:30, I looked at my phone and there was an alarm notification for 4:00am! I jumped up and found Mr. FixIt and told him the basement was wet. We both went down and fortunately, it wasn’t bad at all. But that drain was certainly plugged up. We set up the sump pumps and got them going to try to get ahead of the game.
\n\n\nI didn’t feel well yesterday. I keep getting this pain between my shoulder blades and some pressure in my chest so yesterday was the day I decided to get it checked. After tests and an EKG, we decided it’s a combination of stress and my hyperparathyroidism. Both can cause symptoms that mimic a heart attack and after watching Mr. Virgo die, I don’t take chances. I came back home and rested in the afternoon and felt much better by dinner time.
\n\n\nPork chops, baked potatoes, and fresh steamed asparagus is just what I needed to start eating a more balanced diet. Once I did the dishes, I went downstairs and the two of us worked on the drain. We ran the drain snake down and when it hit the spot that was clogged, the water just drained down so nice. We ran a hose down and flushed it out for ten minutes for good measure and gave each other a well deserved pat on the back.
\n\n\nWe finished the day trimming the giant forsythia bushes along the fence. We reached as high as we could, but I refused to let either one of us get up on a ladder to trim the high stuff. I have my limits and that’s where I draw the line.
\n\n\nI was thinking about that drain as I sat down to write this post. Our lives are often like that drain. We go along taking good care of ourselves till we start getting too busy. Things happen...like a pandemic, and husbands with strokes, and a contentious election, and an insurrection, and your lifelong happy place sells and you can’t do anything about it, and then it’s mowing season and the house is a mess and company is coming and.....BAM! The drain clogs...the bucket gets full...my cup runneth over.
\n\n\nI’m better about giving things to God. I really am. But, old habits die hard and I just put my head down and put my shoulder to the wheel and keep pushing. Today is another day, and I can get up and try again. I am just really glad we got that drain unstuck and we will all work better now.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-06-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/06/11/my-cup-runneth-over.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Choices","Farm Life","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/06/10/the-year-that-time-stood.html", "title": "The Year That Time Stood Still", "content_html": "\n“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”
\nProverbs 12:25 ESV\n
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Sometimes, when life gives you hard things, you put your head down and keep pushing forward in order to survive. Even now, you take stock of all that’s happening around you, it’s easy to feel WAY out of control. And there’s nothing worse than that runaway train feeling. You can’t defend yourself from an enemy you cannot see. It’s downright scary.
\n\n\nWhen Mr. FixIt had his first stroke in February 2020, we sat together in his room and watched the news. They were talking about a disease that seemed to be spreading overseas and could very well come to the United States. We were already dealing with one emergency with uncertain consequences. Now they’re talking about a pandemic, too? We were too numb to really “get it”.
\n\n\nWe went home and started the healing process. Then, six weeks later, there was a stroke on the other side AND we were in a full-blown pandemic. We were beyond numb. We were obviously extremely grateful the strokes weren’t any worse. We knew they certainly could have been. But we didn’t know if there would be a third on the horizon. And, would it be “the big one”. These were things we definitely didn’t talk about...but we both worried about, nonetheless.
\n\n\nOur lives became centered around physical therapy, follow up medical visits, and endless television coverage. Not only the pandemic, but now the election. We were so overwhelmed, we didn’t know what to think. We just did the best we could and put one foot in front of the other.
\n\n\nThis year is different. We survived the election. We survived the worst of the pandemic. We got vaccinated. And we got through the year that time stood still. Hindsight is 20/20, and Mr. FixIt and I have frequent conversations...processing what we went through in the last year and how we handled it. Sometimes you don’t know how bad things were till you get past them and look back. We were pretty much a hot mess last year. This year is much, much better.
\n\n\nMr. FixIt has his strength back. We are getting life back to normal here at Marshmallow Ranch. We are picking up the pieces of the last year and working on the projects we were right in the middle of when the first stroke hit. It is so stressful to feel like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now, with a little time and distance, and good medications, and the reassurance of our physicians...we’re beginning to trust that we’re ok and and we can move forward and continue this beautiful life we’ve been building.
\n\n\nWe are filled with love and gratitude...hope and faith.
\n\n\nWe can breathe again.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-06-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/06/10/the-year-that-time-stood.html", "tags": ["Health","Gratitude","Fear","Courage","Change","Healing","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/14/the-ice-cream-dodge.html", "title": "The Ice Cream Dodge", "content_html": "\n“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”
\n3 John 1:2 ESV\n
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Lands...I’d say this has been a crazy couple of weeks, but it’s been like this since the end of February! I came home Wednesday while the Open House was going on over at the farm. I can’t even tell you what I did when I got home. But yesterday, I started in on the taxes first thing while Mr. FixIt worked on the flooring in the entryway by both doors of the family room. The carpet comes today and we’re ready. Between fussing with the computer and trying to help my sweetheart, I’d just about had it by evening. So, I insisted we take a break and go get ice cream.
\n\n\nWe took our treats over to the park by the river, but it seems everyone in four counties had the same idea so we couldn’t sit in our usual spot with the view of the water. I calmed down, ate my chocolate/vanilla twist, and we headed home.
\n\n\nHave any of you used Turbo Tax? I’ve always used it and have never had a problem. Till this year. When I started doing this year’s taxes, some of the lines from last year didn’t populate. I went into the 2019 returns and there’s only about half of the data entered! I am certain I had the returns printed so I would have a hard copy, but I can’t seem to put my finger on them. All the extra space is filled with stuff from the carpeting project. I can’t seem to find the PDF file with our returns from 2020 and I’m about to pull my hair out.
\n\n\nI know...I’m the absolute WORST procrastinator. And they even gave us an extra month! I’m sure if I sleep on it, it’ll look better in the morning. Hopefully.
\n\n\nAdding all this extra clutter isn’t helping, either. I remember back to the time of a clutter free existence. It was so freeing and liberating and soothing. Now there’s crap...I mean, precious family treasures...EV-RY-WHERE! I don’t drink, so a glass of wine is out. It’s too cold to go sit outside and count the stars. So, I will do what I should have done in the first place. Invite Jesus to come right over here and carry this load for a while and let me rest. Tomorrow is another day!
\n\n\nI’ll tell you what, though. I’m NOT doing the taxes ever again! I’m letting the pros do it from now on. I don’t need this meshugaas!
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\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/14/the-ice-cream-dodge.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Choices","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/13/getting-back-in-the-out.html", "title": "Getting Back In the Out", "content_html": "\n“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.”
\nPsalm 55:22 ESV\n
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We’ve talked a little bit here about the apprehension some people are having surrounding re-entry....getting back out into the world after a year of Covid. Now is not the time to totally let down our guard, even if we’ve been fully vaccinated. There are variants of the Covid virus out there that may bomb right through our newfound immunity. And, the vaccines are 95% effective. They’ll more than likely keep you from being hospitalized with a severe case, but you could still carry the vaccine to someone who is not vaccinated or is immunocompromised.
\n\n\nThat’s not the main problem, though. It’s more disconcerting to actually GO OUT simply because we’ve been IN. I’m am a solid ambivert. I love people, and I can be engaged and outgoing and fun at a party. AND...I need my alone time to recharge, I get anxious before social gatherings, and I have to weigh every decision heavily before I commit. There was a time, way back when I was first married to my second husband, that I actually became agoraphobic. I could go to work, come home, and go to the grocery store...but anything else became extremely uncomfortable and fear inducing.
\n\n\nI got over it that time by reading a lot about it and following some recommendations...namely practicing desensitization. I forced myself to go do things that were out of my comfort zone until I worked my way up to spending a long weekend alone in a small cabin up in the mountains of Colorado. That was HUGE for me at the time. The winter of 2019-20 was really busy for me because that’s the year I had the Girl Camper Raffle Trailer and I was out and about all season. Then...Covid hit and I didn’t travel anywhere for months at a time.
\n\n\nI found myself becoming fearful again of getting out on my own and I can’t have that. It doesn’t mesh with my lifestyle and it certainly doesn’t make me very happy to feel anxiety when I go to do something I know I’ve done a hundred times before. Taking a cue from the past, I’ve set out to doing things on my own a bit and yesterday was my first long outing in quite some time. I had a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon, then I took myself shopping and ran errands and had some lunch. I had a wonderful time and felt so much better when I got home.
\n\n\nAs I was driving around, I received a phone call from my dermatologist’s office. She removed a spot on my chest on 4/1 and they just received the pathology report. It was a place she’s frozen twice but it keeps coming back, and I swear...if it didn’t sit right where my seatbelt rubs, I probably would have let it go. In the end, we decided it was probably best to take it off and it’s a good thing. It turned out to be a squamous cell carcinoma. Skin cancer. The good news is, the pathologist said the margins were all clear meaning she got it all. She offered to have me come in and take some more just for good measure or we can just watch it heal and see how it looks. I elected to wait and watch.
\n\n\nI was a sun worshiping fool. I’ve always been fair skinned and I was a devoted tanning bed user in my 30’s. I had to have a little color, right? Well, I’ve had melanoma and now squamous cell...the damage is done, but sunscreen is an absolute necessity. No negotiations there. It’s really hard to make younger women understand the real dangers of tanning beds and I think they should be outlawed...at least for younger women. Please be safe out there, cover up, and wear sunscreen. Someday, you’ll be glad you did!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/13/getting-back-in-the-out.html", "tags": ["Health","Comfort","Control","Anxiety"] } ] }“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.””
\nDeuteronomy 31:6 ESV\n