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I’m a perfectionist to the point that I sometimes don’t attempt something if I think it’ll be a flop. I don’t like failure or feeling “less than.” It stems from a lifetime of trying to earn my dad’s love and approval. I couldn’t do much right in his eyes, and I felt rejected. Therefore, most of my life was spent trying to gain my father’s acceptance by being a perfectionist and overachiever in relationships. You know the type…the wife who makes excuses like “He’s just overworked.” Or, “He didn’t really mean it.” All while trying to bend myself like a pretzel to become who I thought I needed to be to receive love. 

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I discussed this with a psychiatrist back in the ‘90s. He listened carefully then, sitting back in his chair, he asked, “What does Ginny want?” I was confused by the question because I really had no idea WHO Ginny was, let alone what I wanted. Towards the end of my therapy, he looked at me pensively. 

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“You know…no matter how many relationships you have or how perfect you try to be or how twisted you bend to be what someone else thinks you should be, you’re never going to get your dad’s love.”

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Wow. That stung.

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He was right, of course. Until I learned how to just be myself, to truly accept who I am, and then be that person…I would just continue to go through men like shoes. This was when my second marriage was failing. I’d love to say I took that advice to heart in my next marriage, but I didn’t make much progress on that before I married Mr. Virgo. He was SO handsome and I was still stinging after the divorce, my self-esteem was in the toilet. I wasn’t genuinely present in that marriage either, although it was a far sight better than the first two. I felt like I was making progress with my “daddy issues” when he died unexpectedly just before our sixth wedding anniversary.

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In the years following that loss, I threw myself into a strong period of personal growth. It wasn’t till I decided I was perfectly imperfect just the way I am that I let go of all that garbage I’d been dragging behind me all those years. Was it aging? Probably. Was it the years of therapy? It could be because I had a LOT of it. Was it because I was just so darned tired of trying to juggle the facade that I decided being alone wouldn’t kill me? Oh, most assuredly. However, the single most important difference was finding Jesus and putting Him front and center.

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Then, I ran into Mr. FixIt. My dear friend from high school. We were besties…never sweethearts. He was the guy who listened to all the girls’ boyfriend problems. He’s a good guy. He’s patient to the nth degree. He’s fun and funny and loves me completely. And the feelings are very, very mutual. I don’t have to be perfect. I am sure HE has imperfections; I just choose not to focus on them. He does the same with me. It’s the first time in my life that I haven’t had to fit into someone else’s expectations, and it’s a refreshing way to live.

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There are lessons in imperfection which allow us to break free of the bonds that have held us prisoner…sometimes for decades. I wish I could have had this enlightenment in my 30’s and 40’s but that wasn’t God’s plan. Mr. FixIt and I would not have this kind of relationship if it had happened earlier in our lives. We needed to have some of the hard edges knocked off in order to be the people God wanted us to be. And only then did He lead us toward each other.

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💜

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“Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?” 2 Corinthians‬ ‭6‬:‭14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal*** Today, I am grateful Mr. FixIt and I were brought together at the perfect time in our lives. I thank God everyday for him.
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When my grandma died in 1999, something had to be done. She was widowed in 1971 and was left to care for the farm and my uncle. He had a developmental disability and had lived at home all his life. Grandma was a strong woman and did what she had to do to take care of things. Toward the end of her life, an aunt (a widow herself) came to live with them and then stayed on to care for her beloved brother.

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The farm was left to another uncle to see that the family was taken care of. To do that, he had to have part of the farm logged. They never told me about it, and when I came for my annual visit and went for my usual hike back on the hill, I stepped into the clearing and…the trees were GONE! It was a punch in the gut, and I dropped to my knees and cried.

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Thanks for reading Kneading Faith! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

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First, no one owed me an explanation. I was just one of the grandchildren. Second, I understood that forests need to be maintained to remain healthy. But this was “clear-cut”…the hallowed grounds of my youth had been laid bare. I know it had to be done…I just wasn’t prepared for the shock of seeing it like that.

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Fast forward to today. I remarried in 2018 and now live with my husband on the five-acre homestead he has owned since 1979. I’ve spent most of my adult life praying to live on a piece of ground such as this in my home state of West Virginia. I’ve always wanted to be a farm girl. Our land is flat and surrounded by wooded hills and creeks. I’ve come to know each tree. The black walnut trees that sporadically grace us with an abundance of nuts. The pear trees are even more sporadic in their production of juicy fruit. Tall sycamore trees whose leaves are as big as a dinner plate and whose naked white limbs reach out like ghosts in the winter woods.

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It’s an idyllic little paradise here. I’ve come to take our views for granted, I’m afraid. Then one morning last week, I awoke to the sound of a chainsaw. Not unusual to hear people cutting up firewood or trimming fallen branches. But this was different. There is an intensity in the sound of a chainsaw that is felling a tree. It’s going after it in a way that means business. Then…the unmistakable cracking of the last bit of wood that’s held the tree up for decades. It crashed to the ground with an unceremonious thud.

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My heart hurts.

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One after another, after another. The trees came down. Then the heavy equipment came in to haul the trees-turned-logs away. They came back the next day and the next. It’s been five days now, and it’s clear now. They are logging the hill that has been our beautiful view at the end of the far field. I feel the sting of tears just writing these words. The beloved trees that bring us the promise of new life every spring, when we begin to see the first touch of green. The beautiful trees that offer their glorious golds and yellows as the backdrop to mark the end of another season.

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It’s like a train wreck…you don’t want to watch, but you can’t take your eyes away. One must have the proper attitude about trees on another person’s property. They are a cash crop to that person….a savings account, as it were. We move with the rhythms of nature here in the country. Animals are slaughtered for food. The ground is plowed for gardens. It’s a shock to the system when something you took for granted gets yanked out from under you.

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We’ll adjust. What choice do we have? And eventually…the bare hillside will become verdant with new growth, and the circle of life begins yet again. In the meantime…

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My heart hurts.

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💔

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He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4 ESV

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***Gratitude Journal***  Today, I am grateful that I can learn to adapt to change while still honoring the pain it causes me.
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-06-04T04:45:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/06/04/what-happens-when-the-last.html", "tags": ["Growth","Change","Insight","Homestead","Country Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/05/27/number-please.html", "title": "Number, please.", "content_html": "\n
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I’m so old, I remember a time when your house phone didn’t have a rotary dial. You just picked up the receiver, and the operator would say,

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“Number, please.”

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“Hudson 1234, please.” And she would connect you.

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All the phones were heavy, black behemoths that you were darned lucky to have. When I was a teenager, the only way to reach someone was to call their house phone. You know…the one on the wall in the kitchen with the 15’ curly cord so you could sit on the basement steps and talk privately. There were no answering machines. If there wasn’t an answer, you knew they were busy, and you’d try later. You carried a dime in each of your “penny loafers” in case you needed to call your mom to come get you.

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The Jetsons promised us jet packs and flying cars. They got the video phone right. I remember when I bought my daughter her first desktop computer so she could write her reports on it. Her dad said it was ridiculous to do that. No one was going to use a computer at home, for heaven’s sake! Then came Compuserve and AOL. The familiar beeee-ba-beeeeeeeep-boooo…..buhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Then a portable phone that was bigger than a breadbox that you carried around. Hubby #2 was a physician and needed to be available 24/7 when he was on call. He wore a beeper, and when it went off, he had to call in to the answering service or the hospital or another doctor…all while we were walking the baby in the park. Never…in our wildest dreams would we ever think of taking a picture of ourselves! How utterly ridiculous! Or send naked photos to someone. (That’s what the Polaroid camera was invented for!)

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When I went into the computer place to buy that first computer, the sales guy said, “Now, take this thing home and play with it. Don’t be afraid of breaking anything. If anything happens to it, you just bring it back in and I’ll fix it.” That was it. I went to town on that thing, and I’ve never looked back. When I co-authored a book for the National Institutes of Health, I actually used the first LAPTOP to type the manuscript! Those of us “of a certain age” remember when our days didn’t revolve around something that tethered us like a chain. We didn’t doomscroll our way through life. We just experienced it.

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I went through a terrible clinical depression in the late ‘80s. I spent my days on the computer when my second child went off to school. I was disconnected from humanity….disconnected from my family and the world. And that was LONG before you could carry a computer with the kind of power that used to take a whole building to hold. Now, the world is in our pockets, and we’re raising entire generations on smoke and mirrors. I’ve been around long enough to know that most genies can’t be put back in the bottle, and AI will change everything all over again.

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When I proudly took my first laptop with me to visit my family in West Virginia, I would say my grandma was mesmerized. But it was more like, “What IS this sorcery?” My father’s reaction was more poignant.

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“The internet will be the death of this country.”

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You may have been spot on, Dad. But there’s this thing called Snapchat that can take pictures of you, take away all your wrinkles. and give you the skin you never had in real life. I play with it occasionally.

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Remember…Mr. Peabody and Sherman said we’d have a time machine, too. Didn’t they?

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ᓚᘏᗢ

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So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self[a] is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 2 Corinthians 4:16 ESV

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***Gratitude Journal*** Today, I am grateful for the magic of the internet and the budding yearn to cut back on its use.
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-05-27T04:45:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/05/27/number-please.html", "tags": ["Wisdom","Change","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/05/19/the-peonies-are-popping.html", "title": "The Peonies are Popping!", "content_html": "\n
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The little lollipop buds of our pink peony (Sara Bernhardt?) have been continually getting bigger and bigger. We knew they were going to bloom any day now. I walked through the yard this morning, and there they were. We have more blooms this year than any since I moved to Mr. FixIt’s little homestead. These are a pretty pink, but the ones out front are much darker. They bloom later because they don’t get as much direct sun. I’ll keep an eye on them and show you pictures. 

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We had a lovely day. A leisurely breakfast (LOVE my grits and eggs!) and  Mr. FixIt snoozed in his Big Red Chair while I had my morning RYZE. When he went to see his doctor last week, we found out that he doesn’t have any immunity to measles. Granted…we aren’t going to be in the hotbed of measles outbreaks, but we have great grandbabies and we wouldn’t want to trade diseases with our beloved little germ bombs. I haven’t had my test yet, but I’ll be flying in June so I want to know and be prepared.

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While we were out, we took advantage of the day. We shopped a little. We found an indoor electric grill that we thought might be convenient for camping. It was $39.99 at Walmart. We decided to stop at Ollie’s just to see what they might have. We picked up things like pruners and a soaker attachment for the garden. And lo and behold…there was the same electric grill for $29.99. I can’t get it for that online, so we picked one up.

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We found a digital special on soda at a local grocery store, so we picked up five twelve packs. We don’t drink a lot of soda, and it’s all sugar fee. But sometimes you just want a fizzy drink, right? By the time we got home, it was after 9:00 and we were fried.  Today is usually my knitting gathering, but one of our gals passed away last week. We’ll see each other at the viewing and funeral on Tuesday. Sandy seemed so young to me, but it turns out, she was three years older than I am. She was such a sweet and kind person and will be missed by all who know and love her.

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We don’t have a single thing on the calendar other than the viewing. Mr. FixIt continues to get better every day, but we postponed out camping trip for this week. He needs more healing time before we do that. I’m sure we’ll find plenty of stuff to do…you know, like mowing. Again. 🙄

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🩵

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“The Lord cares deeply when his loved ones die.”  ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭116‬:‭15‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   
Today, I am grateful for the opportunity my writing gives me to minister to others about the goodness of a loving God.
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#loss, #grief, #friends, #God

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-05-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/05/19/the-peonies-are-popping.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","God","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/05/14/never-too-late-to-change.html", "title": "Never Too Late to Change", "content_html": "\n
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I’m pretty far into the book of my life. There were so many things I wished I could change…do differently…start over. However, we can’t rewrite history. Those earlier chapters are written in stone, man. What I CAN do is craft a new ending by keeping God front and center in my life, and by putting more weight onto the right side of the scale.

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I’ve changed more than I could ever imagined. I abused alcohol, prescription drugs, food, money, people for far too many years. When the bottom fell out and I found myself alone and my husband moving on without me, I thought it was the end of my life. Getting to the other side of of all that darkness seemed insurmountable. But, it’s just like eating an elephant. You have to take one bite at a time. It took me losing everything to realize this.

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I worked hard to gain back the trust of those I hurt most…my family. It wasn’t easy. It took years of therapy and a lot of tears, apologies, and demonstrations of change to make things better between us. To be honest, I don’t think we’ll ever get back to the way we were before I “dropped my bracket.” That’s ok. There was far too much dysfunction in our previous relationships. The only thing to do was rebuild on a solid foundation. That happened after I sought out Jesus to help me.

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I’m looking forward to my trip in July and seeing my Colorado family. I am so grateful for the opportunity to spend time with them right where we stand today. Not decades ago when I was THAT person. Sometimes we are handed a do-over card…a chance to make things right and love the way God intended me to.

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I praise him for these gifts every day.

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🩵

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““But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”   ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭18‬-‭19‬ ‭NLT‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   Today, I am thankful for do-overs and the opportunity to try to make things right with those I love and who love me.
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-05-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/05/14/never-too-late-to-change.html", "tags": ["Family","Forgiveness","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/04/09/a-change-of-heart.html", "title": "A Change of Heart", "content_html": "\n
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Image created by Ginny McKinney using Meta AI

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I have some very special friends. You know the sort. They’re the ones you can pick right up where you let off. The kind who sees your name pop up in caller ID and you can hear the delight in their voices. Terri is one of those friends. She’s been with me through thick and thin for…oh my goodness…nearly forty years. I can’t even remember exactly how we met. She helped me through a difficult divorce. She celebrated with me when I found and married Mr. Virgo. Then she held me up when I grieved his loss. She is my sister in Christ whose wise counsel I covet. We pray for and with each other. I love her dearly. When I go to Colorado for visits by myself, she has a “suite” ready for me. I usually get to visit her a couple of times during every trip. 

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I’ve been struggling a little the last few weeks. I’ve involved myself in the news (noise is more like it) far too much and I found anger, fear, and sadness nipping at my heels. I started praying about it and asked God to help me with this. He put it on my heart to talk with you about it this week…hence my last few posts. I had an appointment in town yesterday. I arrived early, turned off the truck, and invited Jesus to come sit with me for a little while. We didn’t say anything. We rarely do. He knows my heart and what I need, and when He knows I’m ready for it, he presses something into my heart much like pressing a coin in the hand of a child wanting ice cream.

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“Call Terri.”

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I dutifully picked up my phone and dialed her number. (I’ll paraphrase.)

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“Well….how are you doing, Miss Ginny?”

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“I’m struggling with this dystopian society I find myself living in.”

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She immediately began speaking about Christians and judgment, anger and the enemy, control and release. My biggest takeaway was this…it is not our place to judge anyone. I am no less guilty of talking bad about those I view as “the other side” than they are. This stems from investing in worldly things. The enemy is in the middle, pitting one against another. He thrives on chaos, angst, retribution. He prods us to think we are “better than those who we deem destroyers of peace.” Terri spoke with an earnest, unbroken cadence that held my attention. And with each profession of the Holy Spirit, I felt the angry thoughts falling away from me. 

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Does it mean I don’t still have strong feelings? Does it mean my anger and disillusionment will simply fall away and the void filled with songs like Kumbaya? Hardly. But her rapid fire witness shot holes in my preconceived notions that were too readily leaning towards an us vs. them world. I am, after all, a fallible human.

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She helped me gain some perspective and led me toward a change of heart. Anger and frustration breed the very divisiveness I rale against. And who am I to assert myself as judge, jury, and executioner? That isn’t very Christian of me. To quote Terri, “Our only job here is recruitment…to lead others toward the Light to a relationship with Jesus.” It is not our job to solve problems that are not ours to solve.

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But, isn’t that relinquishing control? Literally, yes…when you’re trying to control something that is not yours to control. Give it to God. There’s another side of relinquishing control. It’s called accepting responsibility. It’s about taking care of the assignment we came here to do. To do the things we DO have control over. Our vote and our voice. And the liberal application of self-restraint, forgiveness, charity, grace, and love. Towards EVERYONE…no matter what color hat they wear. No one said it would be easy but the way is narrow.

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I know…on my own…I don’t have that kind of strength and patience. But I have a Father who loves me, a Holy Spirit who guides me, and Jesus who walks by my side every step of the way. All I have to do is listen closely, follow directions to the best of my ability, and grow with every lesson and experience. To love Him with all your heart and all your mind with all your strength. And let Him do the heavy lifting.

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God doesn’t ask any more of us than that.

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🩵🌷🩵

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““Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.”   ‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭6‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful for dear friends with wise counsel and a strong faith. Iron sharpens iron.
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The redbud are blooming!!!

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Wowza! We not only survived winter, but we’re full on spring around here! Lots of rain and I believe you can HEAR the grass growing. I’ll be on the mower by next week. I love walkabouts at the time of year. It makes me slow down and appreciate our surroundings here at Marshmallow Ranch.

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We had one heck of a thunderstorm in the wee hours yesterday. I think I still have a little PTSD surrounding that time we almost got swept up to Oz in Kansas last summer. I slept in the camper with the windows wide open so I could hear the frogs and other night critters. Around 2:00, the wind picked up and the thunder roared. The sound of rain on the roof wasn’t something gentle that would lull me to sleep. Nope…I just laid there and waited till it was over. It came back around 4:30, so there wasn’t much sleep. The creeks were roaring.

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We did have a great weekend, though. I baked my weekly loaves of bread. I’ve figured out two medium-sized loaves will last us the whole week. This Japanese Milk Bread is THE bomb and my new go-to. Mr. FixIt loves it. When he gets home from bowling on Sunday night, I slice a nice hunk of warm bread and fix him a cup of tea. I’m getting rave reviews on the bread now!

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Little Grey Tree Frog on the Storm Door

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When I got home from knitting group yesterday, Mr. FixIt had the fishing poles in the living room, cleaning them and getting ready for our camping trip at the end of next week. We’re getting really excited for this trip. I’m hoping the weather will be nice for fishing. I helped him put the lid back on the console of his truck. The latch broke off and try as we might, we could not find a replacement piece. A new cover cost over $700 and a used one was around $350. I puzzled over it for a few days and the solution came to me. We needed magnets. Glue one to the top and one to the bottom. Voila! Problem solved. We glued them in place and will check today to see if it worked.

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I love figuring things out…and when you can save that kind of money, it’s deeply satisfying. There’s an old saying…”Watch your pennies and your dollars watch themselves!”

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🌷💛🌷

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“Wealth from get-rich-quick schemes quickly disappears; wealth from hard work grows over time.”   ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭13‬:‭11‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful for my mechanical abilities so I can fix things without spending a ton of money. A skill needed in times like these.
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#Skills, #Homemade, #Spring

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Picking up sticks in the field. This keeps me from having to hop off and on the tractor every ten feet so I don’t run over them.

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I met some of my high school friends for lunch yesterday. We had such a great time…telling stories and laughing and having a big time. This group meets once a month at the same restaurant. There’s a big room in the back where we gather. Two walls of this room have large windows which make for a sunny, warm spot to dine. It’s nice this time of year, however it’s a little less comfortable in the summer.

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It’s stick season!

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I had a lovely spinach salad with grilled chicken and hot bacon dressing. Divine! But after eating, I experienced some gastric distress and had to excuse myself. We were nearly finished anyway. This restaurant puts all the orders for your table on one ticket so I didn’t have a slip in my hand. And I was thinking of my next stop and ready to get home. Well…I walked straight out of that restaurant without even thinking of paying! I hate when things like this happen, and they seem to happen more and more often as I age. Fortunately, one of the other gals picked up my check and I’ll mail her reimbursement today. These “senior moments” just aggravate me.

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I found these double daffodils along the far creek bank near the culvert. I waded over and moved them to the near bank at the base of a tree to protect them.

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I prayed since yesterday’s post about flying and asked God to calm my nerves and allow me to look at this as another Grand Adventure. It’s been quite a while since I’ve gone off on my own for a long trip on my own. I was just going to go for a couple of weeks, but Mr. FixIt talked me into staying longer so I can visit the kids and my brother at a more leisurely pace. I’ll be there for four weeks, the ticket was really affordable, I get a carry on and a personal item for free, and…I can fly out of Charleston instead of drive three or more hours to a bigger airport. By the time I had the ticket purchased, I felt much better about the whole thing.

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The weather was so beautiful yesterday afternoon that Mr. FixIt and I went out stick pickin’. Our five acres are surrounded with lots of trees. During the winter we lose a lot of limbs and sticks from the wind. We have to go out stick pickin’ a few times before mowing season and I still  need to stop often the first couple of times I mow to pick up more. They tend to slow down after the trees are fully leafed out. It was a lovely time to be out in the warm sunshine with my sweetheart.

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The big bed of yellow iris is popping up!

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Pumpkin Kitty follows us wherever we go when we’re out walking the fields. And without fail, we get to a particular place in the field and that cat does NOT want us to be there! She jerks her head over to the underbrush then she makes a beeline to us and herds us back to the house, hissing and having a fit till we get away from there. She must detect something we can’t and wants to keep us safe. We are HERS, after all! 

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Coltsfoot growing along the ditch.

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I’m happy I don’t have anything scheduled for the rest of the week. I can get some spring cleaning done. Doesn’t it feel wonderful to throw the windows open and get some fresh air in the house? I love it!

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💚

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“Create in me a clean heart, O God. Renew a loyal spirit within me.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭51‬:‭10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful for the courage to step out of my comfort zone and do things that make me nervous. Because I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me.
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-03-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/03/19/its-stick-pickin-season.html", "tags": ["Change","Farm Life","Home"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/03/12/today-is-mr-virgos-th.html", "title": "Today is Mr. Virgo's 12th Angelversary", "content_html": "\n
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The time keeps marching forward… further away from the actual loss. That doesn't mean he's gone from my memory or my heart.

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For those of you who are grieving the loss of your special person, my heart is with you. Your grief is the worst in the world for the precise reason…it is YOURS. You watch the world around you in a dazed fog, trying to figure out which is worse…accepting their death or pretending they're just away on a trip. You feel like half of you is missing. You can't imagine living another day, let alone a week, a month, or years. I hear you. I didn't either. You move from thing to thing, mindlessly. You don't eat much, and when you do, it's likely a bowl of cereal standing over the sink. You spend money you shouldn't because you thing, \"Why not? There's no way I'm going to survive this so I might as well spend to soothe.\" That's not a viable coping strategy…trust me. You lose all the color from your world…there's no music, or feelings, or hope, it seems. But, let me tell you…there is hope. I'm here as proof.

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With less money, more wrinkles, and changes that can't even be described. But one day, you'll see colors. You'll hear music. and the tears will gradually be replaced with a gentle smile from a memory of your loved one. There will still be waves from time to time, but they don't drown you anymore.

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Ever forward.

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Ginny

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-03-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/03/12/today-is-mr-virgos-th.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Comfort","Change","Memories","Healing","Heaven"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/02/11/the-language-of-rebellion.html", "title": "The Language of Rebellion", "content_html": "\n
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In yesterday’s post, I lamented that I didn’t like the Super Bowl halftime show. I’m not a big fan of rap. I’ve heard of Kendrick Lamar, but I can’t say that I haven’t listened to any of his music. So, I was a captive audience…mainly out of curiosity. As I watched the measured choreography, my brain struggled to find some understanding in his craft. I couldn’t help but think I was missing something. Something told me he was sending out a message…that this was an anthem of rebellion of some type. But, try as I might, my white-bread brain couldn’t suss it out.

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In yesterday’s post, I lamented that I didn’t like the Super Bowl halftime show. I’m not a big fan of rap. I’ve heard of Kendrick Lamar, but I can’t say that I have listened to any of his music. So, I was a captive audience…mainly out of curiosity. As I watched the measured choreography, my brain struggled to find some understanding in his craft. I couldn’t help but think I was missing something. I had a feeling he was sending out a message…that this was an anthem of rebellion. But, try as I might, my white-bread brain couldn’t suss it out.

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Granted, I couldn’t understand the lyrics. Thinking back, I caught enough words to make me want to investigate further. I don’t like explicit rap. But I came to understand this was Lamar’s art as activism…his paint and canvas. In much the same way as Michelangelo’s sculpture, David…was a symbol of resistance against the powerful Medici patronage in Florence. Marcel Duchamp, Otto Dix, Jasper Johns, Banksy, Picasso…all famous artists that used their work as the language of rebellion against the rise of fascism, war, famine, racism, dehumanization, Apartheid. 

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Kendrick Lamar was speaking in his own language about something that runs deep in the fabric of our history. For example, the image of the dancers forming an American flag while bent over symbolized how America was built largely on the backs of black people. His songs “40 Acres” hark back to the inhumane practice of slavery. “Wesley’s Theory,”  “For Free.” There was symbolism of Uncle Tom and Jim Crow…all in an effort to remind us…the NFL may take the “End Racism” signs down, but we need to keep our eyes open. Unfortunately, it still happens.

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I’m not getting into a political discussion. I was just interested in the symbolism and how it fits into our society as a whole. Unless you are a multi-linguist and speak many languages, you really only understand your native tongue. It’s understandable that there will be any forms of free speech that we do not comprehend. But, we can learn…open our minds and hearts…and look into the hearts and minds of others. This is part and parcel the message Jesus gave us…

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💜

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Love one another as I have loved you. John 13:34

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***Gratitude Journal*** 
Today I am grateful for a God who can give me  an open heart and mind to learn and grow in my love and understanding of others. 
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#understanding, #compassion, #art

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-02-11T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/02/11/the-language-of-rebellion.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Insight","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/02/02/the-rear-view-mirror.html", "title": "The Rear View Mirror", "content_html": "\n
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Photo watermarked with iWatermark for iOS.
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We spent a quiet day at home for Mr. FixIt’s birthday. He asked for Garlic Shrimp and Pasta for his special supper. It was really good, but not my favorite way to fix shrimp. I saved half the bag to make Southern Shrimp and Grits sometime in the coming weeks. I saved the sweets for Wednesday’s party so his “birthday cake” was a slice of toasted sourdough with butter and black raspberry jelly. 

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I was looking through my photo memories yesterday when I came across a couple of pictures of my house in Colorado. This was the home I built when I was newly divorced. It was where I welcomed Mr. Virgo into our lives. It is where I had to start a grief journey I’d never imagined taking. These pictures were take the first winter after he died. Beautiful, yes. But, that snow shovel only had one name on it and that was mine. I was blessed with wonderful neighbors who happened to get new snowblowers from Christmas that year and after this massive storm, they took turns cleaning out my driveway and sidewalks. They were blessings from God, I tell you. Because I really didn’t have the spoons at that point to take care of myself.

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That was a long, dark winter…even with all that Colorado sunshine between the storms. It will soon be twelve years since Mr. Virgo died. It’s been twenty years since I met him and eighteen years since we got married. It boggles my mind. I only had him eight years…which is exactly the amount of time Mr. FixIt and I have been together.

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While I do my best to be mindful and stay in the moment, you better believe the fact we’re at that eight year window crosses my mind more often that I care to admit. When I made the decision to open my heart again to the possibility of loving another person, I weighed the odds of being left alone again. Then I realized…who’s to say it would be ME being left behind. It could just as easily be my Mr. FixIt that has to go on without me. We just don’t know the number of days we get on this earth. I’m not a fatalist, but I don’t fear death. After what I’ve already gone through, age and experience has tamped down that fear and dread I carried in my anxiety bucket all my life. 

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Today is a new day, and I will praise God for each moment…good and bad. My good moments today will revolve around another batch of Sourdough English Muffins. And jam!

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❄️🩵❄️

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“But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told them.” ‭‭Luke‬ ‭2‬:‭19‬-‭20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***
Today I am grateful for the little things like the smell of a ripe sourdough starter and the three little raccoons who pressed their noses up against the glass door last night watching me and the melting snow and the coming spring.
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#mindfulness, #baking, #sourdough

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-02-02T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/02/02/the-rear-view-mirror.html", "tags": ["Aging","Change","Baking"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/01/06/a-quarter-of-a-century.html", "title": "A Quarter of a Century", "content_html": "\n
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Most people have their big day of introspection on New Year’s Day. Or maybe their birthday. For me? It’s January 6th. I have been sober for 25 years today. This is a really big deal for me. I look back at the life I was leading at the time and I was really so sick. I was chronically depressed…clinically depressed. Even after years of therapy and way too many meds I was literally the walking dead.

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I wasn’t being a good mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter. I was in one of those “too good to leave, too bad to stay” marriages that was killing both of us. But we just couldn’t seem to let go and get healthy. Then the overdose happened. I didn’t really want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. I could have easily died that night. Thank God I didn’t have any alcohol on board or I would have.

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I spent many, many years blaming my ex-husband for all my problems. We were both responsible for things getting as bad as they did. But, as I’ve aged…matured…ripened?…I can see the hand of God in what I went through. God gives us free will. And when we go down lanes he doesn’t approve of, He sometimes takes a step back and says, “Interesting choice, my child. I’ll be here when you come to your senses.” Eventually I have come to believe Hubby #2 gave me the greatest gift of all.

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He made me take care of myself and get the help I needed. On my own. I had become obvious to him, I needed something different than what we’d been doing for the last ten years. I “went away” for a while and spent some time in a Behavioral Unit…a delicate way of saying “the loony bin.” That was the bottom of the barrel for me and it was a very long and emotional climb out.

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I chatted with my ex on Saturday evening. I wanted to make sure he knew that I hadn’t wasted the gift he gave me. He told me my sobriety was his reward. I am a totally different person than I was on January 6, 2000. The biggest change came when I turned to Jesus in January of 2004 after my mom died. That’s when I was healed and made new.

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If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health or with drugs or alcohol, don’t give up. Have them dial 988 for assistance. Someone there can provide resources.

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I doubt seriously I’ll have twenty-five more years ahead of me as I’d be 96. But I’ll sure suit up and show up for every day that God sees fit to give me. And I’ll be grateful for it all. The good, the bad, the in-between. I thank everyone who has been there for me in the reinvention of Ginny McKinney.

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To my family, my friends, and my readers…I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

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“But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.” Micah‬ ‭7‬:‭7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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#healing, #sobriety, #anniversary

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-01-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/01/06/a-quarter-of-a-century.html", "tags": ["Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/06/05/still-chasing-frogs-and-bees.html", "title": "Still Chasing Frogs and Bees", "content_html": "\n
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We made another big step in getting the pool ready. Mr. FixIt put the ladder in for me so I could get in with the broom and brush down the sides and bottom to loosen up all the dirt, dead algae, and debris. The first dip in the pool is always a little shocking. Even though the water temperature was 80°, it still felt chilly when I got in. However, after a few minutes, it was comfortable and I didn’t even notice it. I trapped three little green tree frogs yesterday and put them back in the trees where they belong. If they keep getting in the pool, I’ll start taking them down to the creek where there’s a good water supply.

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I spent at least three hours in the pool cleaning it. Talk about an upper body workout! My upper arms and shoulders were telling me to quit about an hour before I finally did. I’m sure I’ll feel it today. Mr. FixIt cut the last two boards and put them in place then cleaned up all the tools because it’s supposed to rain today.

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I’m kind of excited about having a rainy day. I need to make a few phone calls, schedule some appointments, and really start working on the curtains for the camper. We run from the time we get up till we fall in bed at night at this time of year. We need a little break. Of course, the rain will make the grass grow so we’ll soon be out there working again, so it’s not much of a break.

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I go out every day and survey the grounds for pollinators. I’ve seen a few more honey bees the last couple of days and that’s been encouraging. If I were younger and financially better off, I’d seriously look into keeping bees myself. But we are gone too much and it’s necessary to travel to Colorado every summer to see my family. I’ve found a nursery here in West Virginia that sells native plants and seeds for wildflower gardens for pollinators. I’m going to take a field trip to interview the owner and pick up a few things that will contribute to “bee food.” Our most frequent pollinator this year has been the Common Eastern Bumblebee. They’re rather small and dainty and I love them. 

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I need to start making a list of what we need to get done before our trip. The 27th is sneaking up on us! Yikes!

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⏰

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“The heavens are the Lord’s heavens, but the earth he has given to the children of man.”

\nPsalm 115:16 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-06-05T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/06/05/still-chasing-frogs-and-bees.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/05/14/getting-ready-to-camp.html", "title": "Getting Ready to Camp", "content_html": "\n
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It feels like we just got home and I’m heading out again tomorrow. I’m taking the camper with me to have a girl’s weekend with my bestie, Gail. We love camping together. It’s supposed to rain a lot over the next few days, but that handy dandy dual recliner will make knitting much more comfortable…and dry.

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After knitting group yesterday, I stopped by Happy Jim’s Trading Post. Yes…it’s a real place in our tiny little town. OMGosh! You can ALWAYS find something you can’t live without at Happy Jim’s. I was on the prowl for curtains or something to make curtains from. I really want something that’s bright and cheery. The first thing I came across was several vintage tablecloths. OMGosh! I LOVE these things and have owned several over the years. These were a mix of red, blue, green, and yellow. Primary colors with cheerful fruit and floral motifs. I bought all of them!

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Gail will bring her sewing machine to the campground and I can make the curtains while we’re there. I have a clear idea how I want to make them. When I had the opportunity to tow the Girl Camper Raffle Trailer around in 2019, I loved the curtains that Janine made. They allowed the windows to be totally covered, half covered or fully open by using a series of hooks.

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These tablecloths are authentic mid-century vintage and have obviously been used. There are small stains and discolorations on them. I purchased a product that you soak age-stained textiles in to brighten them. I’ve used this before and it really works! The package said to set the container with the solution and textiles out in the sunshine to keep it warm. But what do you do if there isn’t any sunshine? You just have to do what you can and hope for the best. I’ll show you the after pictures tomorrow and we’ll see if they’re brighter.

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Remember I told you the other day I have to sing for my supper. Well, Mr. FixIt was gone most of the day so I deep cleaned the kitchen and got most of the extras in the family room put away. Do any of you use a Shark Steamer on your floors? They are especially good on kitchen floors as they cut the grease and you don’t have to use any chemicals. I don’t want to leave him with a lot of extra work to do while I’m gone. I’m really looking forward to camping with Gail. And the day after I get back, we leave for the Eastern Panhandle for four nights camping in the mountains. I’m hoping it’s warm and dry!

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🩵

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“Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.” (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)”

\nRevelation 19:8 NIV\n
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#Linens, #Camping, #Curtains

\n\n", "date_published": "2024-05-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/05/14/getting-ready-to-camp.html", "tags": ["Camping","Fun","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/04/23/twelve-long-hours.html", "title": "Twelve Long Hours", "content_html": "\n
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Mr. FixIt’s bed is finished. We just need to put the plywood on top. The pretty facia will have to wait till we get home from the beach. I think we have a lot more usable storage now.

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Yesterday was a long day and I got a lot done. I got up super early and went to Lowe’s for MORE wood! Do you know they open at 6:00? Who knew? Well, we are going to have beds to sleep on, but the fun and fru-fru stuff won’t be finished before we go to the beach. But that’s ok. We’ll work on it when we get back and by the time we go to Colorado, it will be a show piece! But, I’m telling you…I’m whupped! I told Mr. FixIt I can’t wait to get to the beach and relax. He’s as ready as I am.

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I took a break around 4:30 and started supper. I bought a package of lamb chops at Aldi the other day. I usually get them at Sam’s, but these were MUCH better. So tender and flavorful. I forgot to set them in marinade so I wanted to use some really flavorful seasonings. I picked up some of Tabitha Brown’s Very Good Garlic Seasoning at the store a couple of weeks ago. Put some in a gallon plastic bag along with a little extra garlic. Zip it closed and shake to coat. Fry the in a skillet and when they are still slightly pink, remove them from the heat, squeeze some honey over each chop and a generous squeeze of an orange, and let rest while you prepare the sides. I put some quarter gold baby potatoes in the air-fryer when I started the lamb. 

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I was gifted some fresh asparagus yesterday by my sweet friends at knitting group. (I went for an hour till the frost was off the grass.) I love asparagus! I always put it on a plate and squeeze fresh lemon juice on it. Cover it with plastic wrap and microwave it for one minute, test to see if it’s done. If not, nuke it another minute. That just about does it for my liking. I like them to still snap when I bite into them. By this time, the lamb has rested for about 20 minutes. I just pop the chops in the skillet real quick to warm them up and it’s time to plate your food! It was divine and I’m crazy about Tabitha Brown and her delicious seasonings…check her out @iamtabithabrown on Instagram and https://www.facebook.com/ActressTabithaBrown

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I need to do a few more things today to the camper, then I’ll throw some things together for the trip and we’ll pack up the truck bright and early in the morning. Ummmmm….do you remember last week when I said I was going to be SUPER organized this trip? Yeah…God just laughs and laughs!

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🩵🌷🩵

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”The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.“

\nPsalms 37:23-24 NIV\n
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#Camper, #Remodel, #Travel

\n\n", "date_published": "2024-04-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/04/23/twelve-long-hours.html", "tags": ["Travel","Camping","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/04/21/a-day-of-planning-and.html", "title": "A Day of Planning and Gathering", "content_html": "\n
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I figured I’d better make Mr. FixIt a nice breakfast after springing the bedroom remodel for the camper on him unexpectedly and at the last minute. I was up super early…for me. It wasn’t quite 5:00 and even though I tried to go back to sleep, it was no go. I had too many things whirling through my mind. I got up and searched Pinterest for remodel ideas till I heard my sweetie up and rummaging around. He didn’t have any special requests for breakfast, so I made us spinach and mushroom omelets. Ohhhhh, they were so good and he was a happy camper!

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We have a lot to do before the trip so I headed out to the camper to do a few things before I invited him out to see what I’ve done. He actually loved the design and he helped me tweak a few things. He told me in general what we needed to buy and I wrote everything down along with the measurements. We gathered up our lists and drawings and started to leave for Lowe’s when he got a phone call from our grandson. 

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The trip to Portsmouth to buy a Jeep on Friday was a bust, but he found another one just west of Columbus. He wanted to know if his Grandpa would take him over there. We don’t get to see this young man often enough so of course he said yes…it’s what Grandpas do! I told Mr. FixIt to take my truck and I’d take his to town and buy the stuff. That turned into a five hour ordeal. I had to stop at Walmart first and get gas and a prescription. I wandered around there for a little bit buying some last minute things then headed over to Lowe’s.

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The store was slammed and they were short staffed. I finally found a nice young man who helped me till it was time to check out and go home. Then another nice young man took his place. They helped me select the right wood. They sorted and picked out the best and straightest boards in each size. I chose one kind of plywood then I thought I’d better check in with Mr. FixIt to see if he thought we should go a little thicker. We decided to go with the beefier plywood. 

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That’s the way it went the whole time. I wanted white board and bead paneling for the base. Then I thought I’d better get the grey wood. The guys loaded in on my cart, but by the time I got up front, I changed my mind because if I’m going to go to all this trouble, I’d better get what’s going to make me smile every time I see it. I went back and got the white board and bead. Then I had to find the right screws, a multi-tool blade, a couple of piano hinges, and some Phillips head drill bits. We stripped a couple yesterday and I wanted to be sure I had just what I needed. I even found the piston hinges I wanted. The good thing is, I can return anything I don’t use.

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By 5:00 this afternoon, this fatigue I’ve been dealing with this week started coming on. I asked Hubby #2 the other night if my symptoms from the Shingrix shot were normal and he said yes…it’s just all part of it. I will say, yesterday’s symptoms were far less than the day before so it’s getting better. I did stay better hydrated and actually felt like eating something, so I’m sure that helped.

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Today I can get back out there and start the build. I received a notification last night that we had a frost warning from 2:00 to 8:00 this morning. Ugh…we just can’t break out of this cycle. It won’t last long, but it won’t be very warm either. Building is the fun part!

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Oh, and just a note. I remember a few years ago I put something out here on my blog about putting your little scraps of thread and yarn out in the spring for birds to pick up…then you find colorful nests. However, that turned out to be wrong according to Julie Zickefoose, (https://www.juliezickefoose.blogspot.com )my favorite bird expert and friend that I’ve never met. Julie doesn’t live all that far from me but her life is busier than mine and that’s saying something! One of these days we’ll meet in person. Anyway, some of you suggested I put dryer lint out in the yard for the birds to use as nesting material and, you know me…I research the heck out of everything. Turns out, lint is NOT for the birds! Here’s a great article: https://www.allaboutbirds.org/news/providing-nest-material-for-birds-dos-donts/ 

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So, until tomorrow, I’ll be in the camper getting this thing done! Enjoy your Sunday, my friends!

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🩵

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”The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.“

\nProverbs 21:5 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-04-21T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/04/21/a-day-of-planning-and.html", "tags": ["Travel","Camping","Fun","New Ideas","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/04/18/three-days-in-a-row.html", "title": "Three Days in a Row", "content_html": "\n
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Do any of you remember Lazarus Department Store in Columbus? It was THE place to go shopping for really upscale fashions. We found this small hatbox in the antique store. Does anyone wear hats anymore?

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You know how much I LOVE going to town, right? Well, we couldn’t help it…we had to go three days in a row. So, while I was there yesterday, I made sure there was NOTHING I would need from town which entailed multiple stops. The big chore yesterday was getting the preventative care on the transmission on my truck done before our big trips coming up. I especially worry because we tow with that vehicle. Every once in a while you can hear the transmission slip just a bit. The last time that happened, the transmission fluid was a little low. I was very pleased when the mechanic said there weren’t any metal shavings in the fluid he took out. With new fluid and a new filter, it runs like a new truck and I’m a happy camper!

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The downside of getting the transmission service is, it takes forever. You drive it in and they need to let the truck cool down. Then they test drive it to listen for any problems. It has to cool down again before they can actually do the service. We dropped the truck off at about 8:30 in the morning and went to breakfast. I really didn’t want to just meander all over town, so we went to our friend Joe’s house. It is their second home and no one was there. I stitched and knitted while Mr. FixIt watched TV.

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Along in the afternoon, we headed to Sam’s to pick up a few things and stopped at an antique store Mr. FixIt hadn’t been to. We had such a wonderful time talking with Mr. Modesitt. He showed us some items from his personal collection which were magnificent. Mr. FixIt has never met a stranger, and this fellow certainly had the gift of gab, so I enjoyed a fair amount of uninterrupted browsing.

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By the time we were finished at the shop, we decided surely the truck must be finished so we headed to the garage. The receptionist called just as we pulled into the lot so it was good timing. Mr. FixIt went on home and I had two more stops on the way. After supper, I told my sweetie that I’m NOT leaving this house unless it’s an emergency! 

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We have so many things to do to get ready for the trip to the beach next week. That’s the priority for the next coming days. That and mowing…both places. I had my second Shingrix vaccine on Monday and this one has kinda kicked my butt. Headache, muscle aches, fatigue, fever, upset stomach…the works. I’ve read that doctors are finding some people aren’t returning for that second dose, which is a shame. Shingles is not something you want to get. I had a very mild case a few years ago and even that was unpleasant. I can’t imagine what people go through when they have a full blown case. A couple of days’ upset is worth the 90% prevention rate you get with it.

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The weather forecast included some severe thunderstorms and as I am writing this at 8:36PM last night, it is scheduled to begin later in the evening. I’ll let you know tomorrow how it turned out, but according to the radar, I think it will hit farther north than we are. My bestie Gail said she and two of her daughters and their families gathered in her basement for the 6:00 wave which included a tornado warning.

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Be safe out there, my friends! You are precious!

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🌷

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”Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”“

\nDeuteronomy 31:6 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-04-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/04/18/three-days-in-a-row.html", "tags": ["Health","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/04/09/knitting-mowing-and-a-solar.html", "title": "Knitting, Mowing, and a Solar Eclipse", "content_html": "\n
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Me and my Baby

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I actually had two stories to tell you yesterday morning, but the one I settled on took precedence. So, I’ll tell you about the smoke first. I woke up with a start yesterday morning…the strong smell of smoke making me jump out of bed. I sleep with the window open and the smoke was so strong it burned my strong and eyes. I looked out the window and everything was white…like a thick, pea-soup fog.

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From Mr. FixIt, Jr.

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The first thing I did was put my hand on the door and the door knob. It was cool, and the smoke alarms were silent. Good…I don’t think it’s in the house. I threw on some clothes, shut the window and went out in the hall. No smoke smell there so whatever was burning was definitely not our house, so I didn’t wake Mr. FixIt. It was only 30° so I threw on a coat, grabbed my phone, and slipped on my shoes. 

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I couldn’t get the focus right, but it’s still pretty cool!

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The smell was super strong outside but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from. We have some neighbors who burn wood, but I’ve never smelled it that strong. And, the smoke was white. Black, acrid smoke comes from a burning house. White smoke comes from burning wood. Some of these little hollers around here are steep and narrow. If a power line arced on some dead trees, they could be in trouble in a hurry.

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the light was actually very cool at the peak!

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While I wasn’t convinced it was something to be terribly concerned about, I did feel I should at least call dispatch and ask if there were any fires reported out our way. The dispatcher said he hadn’t heard of anything, asked my address and a few other questions, then said he would send someone to check it out.

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I always love how it looks when I’m done. The near field.

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Now, I was expecting a guy in a pickup truck to come by and look around…maybe drive up the road a piece, check the next road or two down. What I didn’t expect was to hear the fire siren go off over in town! Oh, no…they were going to make people get out and come over here on a Sunday morning. I began to wish I would have waited. But, better to be safe than sorry, right?

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The far field. See that tan patch way out there on the left? That is one of the pollinator gardens. It didn’t really do much of anything last year…just grass. So I mowed it down short and I’ll see if I can plant some things there.

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So, I stood there waiting. We live way out in the country and we have a volunteer fire and EMS squad.We are blessed, because there are a lot of communities in West Virginia that have no access to emergency services. We’re a poor state. About ten minutes passed when I could hear the big fire truck coming down the hill. He tried to go out our road and thought better of it. It is very narrow and there’s no place out there to turn a rig that big around.

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LOVE this spring green! The maple tree us just barely budding.

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They backed out to the two-lane. The squad truck came and a couple of pickups. The chief sent them down to check out the other roads then came over and talked to me. By this time, a breeze started blowing and the smoke was being moved on down the road away from us. I could breathe better. We both decided it was a series of events that caused this. It has been damp the last few days. The weather was warmer on Saturday, then dropped way down to 31° overnight. We were in a temperature inversion where the cold air was pushing down on warmer air at the service. That created fog that lay low to the ground, as did the smoke from the neighbor’s wood stoves. I apologized to the chief and he said I did the right thing. He too was worried the woods were on fire somewhere and was glad he came to check.

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The new birdhouses. I bought them at Aldi’s “Aisle of Shame” on Sunday afternoon.

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But even that couldn’t top the solar eclipse of yesterday! It was a fun morning with the knitting group, then I came home, cooked a late breakfast of grits and eggs, then jumped on the tractor. I wanted to get the whole place mowed before more rain kicks in this week. I was toodling along when Mr. FixIt flagged me down to come watch the eclipse. He had the lounge chairs set up on the deck and our eclipse glasses ready. I went in and got a cold drink then settled in beside him to watch. 

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We had 96% coverage here in West Virginia. I really would have loved to see the total eclipse. We weren’t very far from visibility, but we just had so much to do. And 96% is nothing to sneeze at. It was awesome to watch! But, shortly after the peak, I got back on the tractor. The phrase “burning daylight” took on a whole new meaning! Just as I sat down to right this, a thunderstorm rolled through. Good timing!

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I’m heading to town today for lunch with some of my girlfriends then I’m going out to The Farm till Friday. I need to get some things done on the computer and that high speed internet is calling my name! I also want to get that tractor running for the summer of mowing ahead. I’ll take some handwork with me, too. These will be the busiest months of the year coming up. 

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I’m ready!

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🌷

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”Then God said, “Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds.” And it was so.“

\nGenesis 1:11 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-04-09T07:00:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/04/09/knitting-mowing-and-a-solar.html", "tags": ["Fun","The Farm","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/04/04/the-calm-after-the-storm.html", "title": "The Calm After the Storm", "content_html": "\n
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Yesterday was a pretty decent day, considering all the bad weather we had the day before. According to our rain gauge, we had about two inches of rain in twenty-four hours. The creeks were roaring and there were standing pond in our yard in all the low places. We expect more rain in the coming days…maybe even some snow. It’s weather whiplash around here. But thank God we didn’t have the bad winds and tornadoes. Our family is safe, and that’s all that matters. Stuff can be replaced if need be, but not our people.

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The low place in our yard fills up with rainwater every spring.

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One of my WV granddaughters lives on their horse farm. There is a low lying area with a creek running through it. Their driveway cuts this area in half and is elevated fifteen to twenty feet above the bottom. They sent us this picture yesterday afternoon showing the water high above the driveway. We are grateful they got to the barn side of the flood before the water blocked their way. They have places to stay and the horses are in the barn and safe, so it’s all just part of farm life in the Ohio River Valley.

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When it rains hard up north, that water has to go someplace, so it heads downriver…filling up the estuaries on the way down. The higher the main waterway gets, the more the creeks and small streams that feed into it get backed up. More rain brings even more water to what’s coming down from up above us and we can get in trouble in a hurry. We watched the news last night and stores in Marietta are packing up and moving their merchandise to higher ground till the danger is past. Thank God for the early warning systems that helped to protect those in the low ground.

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A walnut got stuck between branches last fall and here it stays.

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I’ve never been IN a tornado. I’ve seen them many times, but was never affected directly by one. I don’t know if this was something I read when I was a kid or if someone told me this story, but there was a bad tornado in the Midwest somewhere. Gas pumps in the old timey service stations had a clear glass bubbler in the top. Someone pulled into a service station for gas and there was a broom straw driven right through the glass. Now…that seems like a pretty tall tale to me, but I’m just relaying what I heard. 

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We didn’t get a lot done around here yesterday. I made biscuits and sausage gravy for breakfast. Still holding my weight below 165# so I’m ok with that. It’ll start falling again soon as we get busier outdoors. I got a lot done on the first sock of a pair I’m knitting. We watched a little TV till I was tired of it. Then I put my headphones on and listened to a thunderstorm. Mr. FixIt visits the barber tomorrow but other than that, we don’t have a thing scheduled this week.

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We walked down to the creek last evening just before the skies opened up again. You could see where the grass was laid down that the water had been much higher last night. The field flowers are just beginning to pop up. The ground ivy has it’s delicate periwinkle blue flowers peeing out. The dandelions are offering up their shining faces to the hungry bees that are beginning to emerge. There were some little white flowers peeking out from under the fallen leaves and I can’t quite get them identified via Google Image Search. Do any of you know what they might be? Maybe when they open a little more, I’ll be able to tell better.

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🌷

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”For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations.“

\nIsaiah 61:11 NIV\n
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#Rain #Storms #Spring #Flowers

\n\n", "date_published": "2024-04-04T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/04/04/the-calm-after-the-storm.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/04/03/crazy-weather.html", "title": "Crazy Weather!!!", "content_html": "\n
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My phone lit up like a Christmas tree all day. Severe weather warnings came in like fevered texts from a lovelorn boyfriend. We had to be in town at 1:00 for an appointment. I called the Former Mrs. Fixit around 11:00 to see how she was faring with the storms. We weren’t going to leave till noon, but the warnings were coming in hot and heavy so we booked it…only to run into a veritable wall of water ten miles away. 

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I went to town last week to pay the taxes and tried to use my debit card because for some reason, my checks weren’t in my purse. They ran the card, then came back and said it didn’t go through because they were having trouble with their computers. So, I walked up the street to my bank and came back with cash. Then…low and behold, the charge DID go through. Argh! That was our first stop yesterday…to straighten it all out. It only took thirty minutes and I left with a check, and a new friend in the lovely clerk that helped me. She has suffered some pretty devastating losses so I thought she might find come comfort and support here.

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The appointment went without a hitch and we headed out for a couple more errands…lunch, the grocery store, the pharmacy…you know the drill. We got back home before the weather broke again. I received a notification last evening about the 7.4-magnitude earthquake in Taiwan with a resultant tsunami warning. This is just crazy weather. Every years seems to get worse. We have plans to camp at the beach late this month so I am praying there aren’t any hurricanes or tornadoes on the Outer Banks!

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Once we got home, tummies full, we got comfy in our Big Red Chairs and I set to work knitting another pair of socks with some yarn my bestie Gail gave me. It’s blue and orange with a little sparkly silver thread in it. More storms were forecast and we’re under another severe thunderstorm and tornado watch. It’s supposed to be 80° today and by Friday, we could have snow! 

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I’m hoping you all are safe from these severe storms. Please be careful out there and keep your phones charged. Have plans for a safe shelter. Please let us know how you’re doing!

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🌪️

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”He replied, “When evening comes, you say, ‘It will be fair weather, for the sky is red,’ and in the morning, ‘Today it will be stormy, for the sky is red and overcast.’ You know how to interpret the appearance of the sky, but you cannot interpret the signs of the times.“

\nMatthew 16:2-3 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-04-03T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/04/03/crazy-weather.html", "tags": ["Warning","Change","Farm Life","Crafts"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/03/17/what-a-difference-a-year.html", "title": "What a Difference a Year Makes", "content_html": "\n
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I went to town yesterday with the intent of getting my hair cut. But, after blowing my hair dry on Friday evening, I started having second thoughts. When I walked into the salon, Kendra took one look at me and said, “OMGosh! I love your hair!!!” It had been a year since I was there and my hair had grown at least six inches or more.

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The photo on the left is what I WANTED the December 2022 haircut to look like. Unfortunately…the one on the right is what I got. I should have known better than to go to a cut rate shop…you get what you pay for sometimes.

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As I was preparing to sit in the chair, she looked at me and said, “Are you SURE you want to cut it?” I had decided before I walked in…I really didn’t. We decided to trim the bottom because the shorter parts of the horrible cut I got a couple of years ago had finally grown out enough to even up the hairstyle. I wanted to do something with the bangs because they had become unruly. We opted to feather them into a curtain bang that could be worn swept to the side or down.

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When we were finished, I was thrilled. Kendra kept saying how strong and healthy my hair is. No split ends or broken off areas. I attribute that to taking collagen supplements this past year and being really careful with my hair…protecting it and using a good quality repair and strengthening shampoo. I haven’t used color on my hair since long before Mr. Virgo died but it truly looks blonde in these pictures, although in the sunshine, it’s really silver.

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I ran a few errands and treated myself to lunch at Qdoba then headed home. Again, I worked on the taxes, making little progress, but every step forward is closer to being done. Mr. FixIt called me outside to look at the sky. It was a gorgeous day with feathery white clouds like wispy strands of cotton stretched over an azure sky. I love springtime in West Virginia. The warm days and pretty flowers bring us hope for the days ahead. As I drove home, there is a curve you come around that opens up to a view of flowering trees and daffodils. I always smile, but this time, the huge weeping willow across the road was now a beautiful spring green as the leaves burst forth in all their glory. 

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Looking for joy in everything, every day brings so much more peace than engaging in fights with strangers on social media, don’t you think?

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Happy St. Patrick’s Day…Erin go Bragh!

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☘️

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”The Lord announces the word, and the women who proclaim it are a mighty throng:“

\nPsalms 68:11 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-03-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/03/17/what-a-difference-a-year.html", "tags": ["Health","Hope","West Virginia","Holiday","Change","Be Joyful!","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/03/08/the-matriarch.html", "title": "The Matriarch", "content_html": "\n
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My grandmother was fifty-six years old when I was born. My grandma was only forty-eight. Yet…they seemed ancient to me when I was a little girl. Their hair was gray and their skin was soft with wrinkles. Blue veins traced rivers on the backs of their hands and brown “liver spots” dotted their arms. They were magical beings with vast knowledge of such things as the perfect chicken and dumplings and soothing slices of jelly bread. They kissed away booboos and loved me unconditionally…my grandma most of all. 

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I was standing in front of the mirror at The Farm yesterday morning, brushing my own grey hair and pinning it up in a bun just as Grandma had always done. I never knew her to have short hair. As far as I know, she had never cut it or gone to a beauty shop. And she never had bangs. I’ve been letting my bangs grow out. I trimmed them myself through the pandemic so I just kept doing it. Then I waited a little too long and was afraid I’d botch it up. Not wanting to go to the hairdresser, I decided to let them grow out to see if I like them. I don’t NOT like them. I wore my hair swept back when I was growing up. My bangs are getting long enough to sweep them back when I pin my hair up, as long as the bun is high on my head. The jury is still out. I think I notice my face more and maybe that’s not a bad thing. I don’t feel the need to hide anymore and this is a little liberating.

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That’s me in the center of the photo with my uncle and cousins going for a ride in the old Model A truck.

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My Noom lesson yesterday was on self confidence and giving yourself compliments. We are quick to compliment others, yet we are so hard on ourselves. My exercise for the day was to stand in front of the mirror and give myself a believable compliment…out loud. I stepped closer to the mirror and looked at myself critically. I’ve always had a distinct widow’s peak and that’s why I’ve worn bangs. I was self conscious of the receding hairline on either side of my face. I finished brushing my hair back and said to the girl with the grandmother face who was smiling at me.

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“You have a kind face. Your eyes crinkle with your laughter and twinkle with happiness. Every line on your beautiful face reminds you of the multitude of smiles you’ve given over the seventy years your presence has been known here. You are exactly as you were meant to be and exactly where you belong!”

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I gave myself a big hug and you know what? I felt better! Why are women so hard on themselves…and on each other? We should be celebrated for the glorious and powerful creatures we are! We should be lifting each other up at every turn and encouraging each other with positivity, love, and grace. I used to be so threatened by other women. And now? No way! I am past all that. I am of the mind that if another doesn’t like me or accept me as I am, they are not deserving of my time and energy and I release myself from the burden of bearing the weight of something that is no longer mine to carry.

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I took this picture because, honestly…I don’t see that angle of myself. I wanted to see what the roadmap of wrinkles on my cheeks were up to. When I looked, I smiled. I’m not sad to have my grandmother’s face or my grandma’s long hair swept back in a bun. I’m honored to be counted among the crones. 

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I am the matriarch now.

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🩵

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”Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.“

\nProverbs 31:30-31 NIV\n
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#Matriarch, #Aging, #PositiveAging, #InternationalWomensDay

\n\n", "date_published": "2024-03-08T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/03/08/the-matriarch.html", "tags": ["Self Care","Uplifting Stories","Strong Women","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Presence","Change","Memories","Mental Health"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/01/02/day-one.html", "title": "Day One: 2024", "content_html": "\n
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New Year, New Project. Crocheting a scrappy yarn basket to use up some of my stash. Use it Up!!!

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New Year’s Day. A clean slate. An unwritten book with 365 pages. It’s exciting and filled with hope for great things. What we need to remember is…it’s not infallible. We will not do it perfectly. We’ll make mistakes and we’ll be so tempted to give up and say, “See? Nothing works out!” Or “I knew it was too good to be true!” Spending our lives waiting for the other shoe to drop then giving up and going back to what clearly didn’t work last year isn’t the answer. Flexibility is the name of the game. Flexibility and determination. That’s how you’ll keep coming back and trying again.

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I took a four day break from Noom to enjoy the end of the year…guilt free. I’m sure when I get back on the scale this morning, the number will be higher than it was before…but that little number doesn’t define who I am or quantify my worth. All I have to do is get up, recommit to my program, and follow through with the steps I need to meet my goals. That applies to everything in life. When I was abusing alcohol and prescription medications, I had to face my addictions every day as if it were the first.

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I chose sobriety on January 6, 2000. Or rather…it chose me. I overdosed with a lethal cocktail and through the grace of God, I survived it. It’s not enough to survive, though. You need to learn to thrive or else you can stay in the victim seat…and that’s no way to live either.

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I’ve been blessed to have the people and the resources to get my life back on track. Sobriety is not just a young person’s game. It’s never too late to make changes in your life. Make a decision. Look for the resources to support you. Look for even the smallest of achievements and praise yourself when you make them. And forgive yourself when you slip. Then get back up and start again, no matter how many times you need to.

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Through a lot of prayer, study, therapy, and deep introspection, I learned that my addictions stemmed from my inability to love and forgive…myself and others… for things that happened as far back as I can remember. It took me far too long to let go and let God run my life instead of me trying to hold the reins. It took learning to trust that He had plans for me…that He loved me…and that, since I was made in His image…I needed to love myself.

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Yes…it’s a new year of new beginnings. I pray your very first choice this year is to love God…and love yourself. You are so worthy of love, dear one.

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🩵

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”You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.“

\nSong of Solomon 4:7 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-01-02T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/01/02/day-one.html", "tags": ["Health","God","Choices","Change","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/12/31/use-it-up.html", "title": "Use It Up!", "content_html": "\n
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I worked for days getting everything just so. The house was festive and tidy. It smelled of roast pork, chili, and cinnamon rolls, and everything came out together and perfectly. Our first to guests arrived precisely at 1:00 as scheduled. The Former Mrs. FixIt and the daughter she so generously shares with me were dressed in their holiday finest. We knew our son and his family would not be coming because of Covid, so we sat and talked and nibbled on fudge and cookies while I put the finishing touches on the meal. I made the frosting for the cinnamon rolls, then we took our drinks to the living room and chatted.

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After nearly an hour, we started wondering where everyone was. We couldn’t reach our grandson and his girlfriend, but we reached our granddaughter and she had totally forgotten today was the party. They quickly got ready and came on out. We had to make it quick because our granddaughter had to work last night. We enjoyed the good food and had fun exchanging gifts. And before we knew it, they were off and on their way home. TFMF and daughter stayed on and we had so much fun chatting and nibbling through the afternoon. Then, when it was clear the sun would be setting soon, they too went home…loaded down with lots of food and goodies and gifts. 

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We make plans and God laughs and laughs. We have no real control when it comes to the schedules or attendance of others. Our grandson’s girlfriend texted us later in the evening and apologized profusely. They had to take the kids back to their mom’s and they laid down “for just a minute” and three hours later, they awoke to my text. Our grandson doesn’t have to head back to work till sometime next week so we will get together with them for dinner at their house in the next couple of days.

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I was so organized this year. By the time I had the food ready to serve, all the cooking utensils were washed and put away. I felt so calm and in control because there was no last minute rushing around. It was all so easy and laid back and that added to the joy.

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And, here we are at the end of another year and it’s just so hard to believe how quickly the time goes. Our little great granddaughter hugged me when she got there and said, “Hey, Gigi! I’m SIX!!!” What??? You were just a newborn. She reminds me how long I’ve been a part of this family. The first time I met the Former Mrs. FixIt, this little great-grand was a newborn.

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Getting a head start on Christmas 2024…knitted Gingerbread Boys ornaments!

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Looking back over the past year, I am pleased with where I am today. I’m more fit, healthy, weigh less…all of which has improved my mental health. I can’t remember the last time I had an anxiety reaction. I sleep better, I’m happier, and overall, I think I’m a better person than I was heading into the year.

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We have a fresh new year in front of us. Some of how it turns out is beyond our control, but we can still affect our environments…inner and outer. Maintaining good relationships, leaving more than we take, spreading love and kindness, being good stewards of what we have been given all help us live a happier and healthier life.

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I always choose a word to focus on for the new year. My word for 2023 was CHANGE and boy, howdy…I pulled that one off in spades! I’ve been thinking about my focus word for the coming year and rather than choose just one, I’ve chosen a phrase…

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USE IT UP!!!

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I have SO much stuff here at the house. This year I am going to use my stash before I buy one more thing. I’m going to dive into my art and use up some of my supplies. I want to look around at what we have and find ways of repurposing and sending it out to others to bring beauty into the world. I want to use up every minute of every day in a way that both gives and brings joy. 

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Lastly, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for hanging out with me here this past year. I might have quit this blog a long time ago if it wasn’t for you’re love and support along the way. My prayers are with you all for a wonderful, happy, and healthy 2024.

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⌛️

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”The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.“

\nProverbs 16:9 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-12-31T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/12/31/use-it-up.html", "tags": ["Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/11/10/a-time-to-build.html", "title": "A Time to Build", "content_html": "\n
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Grandma nurtured all who passed through her doors. Whether it was with a cup of coffee and one of her famous Raisin-Filled Cookies for the adults or a hug and a slice of jelly bread for the youngin’s, she always welcomed you to her table with grace and cheer. She’s been gone now since 1999 and oh, how I miss her. But, I can still feel her goodness within these walls and I love having time here with my memories. I will concede, the high-speed internet is a bonus.

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I know there are some of you who don’t like to see my “ads” for my shop right up in your face. That’s why I started adding them at the bottom of my posts Monday through Saturday. I also have a separate Facebook page for Marshmallow Ranch Designs and an Etsy Shop that I’m trying to get off the ground. Y’all could really help me out if you would do the “s” word and let others know about it. Small Businesses everywhere need all the help they can get and I just know there are folks out there who might like to get a little something for someone at this time of year. 

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That being said, I do want to show you what I’ve been working on for the last three days here at the farm. I’ve been trying to think of something that would appeal to a broader audience. Something small, not terribly expensive, yet good quality and design. That’s when I got the idea to make a cute Christmas Ornament for ALL 50 States! Try as I might, I couldn’t settle on a design I like but it finally came to me yesterday morning. Less is more. So I trimmed it back and made the simplest of embellishments and if I do say so myself, they’re pretty darned cute!

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My stay was delightful and Mr. FixIt got along just fine without me there to cluck over him like an old mother hen. He even cooked for himself. I remember asking Grandma if PopPop helped her with the cooking and cleaning and she snorted. “That man couldn’t even fry an egg!” I busted out laughing because I had never, ever heard her say a derogatory word about the man she shared her life with since she was fifteen. 

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We had a heck of a rainstorm yesterday morning, but the sun came out in the afternoon and it was lovely. I swept the ladybugs off the front porch again and there weren’t quite as many as the day before. I’m looking forward to getting home and FINALLY attacking the family room. I really want to paint it before the holidays, but I’m not sure if I can get that done or not. It may have to wait till spring now. I don’t particularly want to paint when I can’t open the house up and air it out. And, we’d have to take the gas stove out to paint behind it and right now we are depending on it for our heat till the furnace is fixed. Pipe dreams.

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Thanks for indulging me and looking at my work. I’m looking forward to the winter when I can do some “makerly” work… things I make with my own hands. That’s how Marshmallow Ranch started in the first place. I made jewelry from antique silverware and maps and such in my art studio in Colorado and sold them on Etsy. Ahhh, that seems like three lifetimes ago. I suppose in a way, it has been. My life as Mr. Virgo’s wife in Colorado. My life as a widow on the road. And my life alongside Mr. FixIt here in West Virginia. That life… THIS life is the best!

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🍁

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“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

\nJeremiah 29:11 ESV\n
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US States Christmas Ornaments have arrived in the shop! Do you have a friend or loved one who lives far from their home? Or maybe a service member or college student who is missing home this holiday season? Send them some cookies and this cute little ornament to lift their spirits.

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-11-10T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/11/10/a-time-to-build.html", "tags": ["Growth","Comfort","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/10/24/testing-out-my-theory.html", "title": "Testing Out my Theory", "content_html": "\n
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Who wants some black walnuts?

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I decided yesterday that I had better pick up the walnuts from out in the field. Maybe that will discourage the bear from taking up residence here. I found an old cat litter bucket and took that out. I filled it up in five minutes and didn’t make a dent in the number of walnuts. Mr. FixIt found me a 7.5 gallon bucket. I filled it up and hadn’t left the first tree yet. I rummaged around in the building and came up with an old enamel canner and a plastic washtub. I got about three bushels! I got all the walnuts picked up that were in the mowing area of the field but there are still plenty on the trees and in the underbrush of the hedgerow. Copperheads look exactly like fallen leaves so I did NOT mess around in there. We’ll leave those to the wildlife and hope for the best. I will say, the cat was hissing all around the first tree. She went cautiously to the edge of the creek bank and looked over, but whatever she was smelling wasn’t there at the moment. That being said, I found three or four big piles of bear scat so they are frequenting our fields, for sure.

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Mr. FixIt had an appointment in town yesterday morning early and he was so kind to let me sleep in. When I cleaned the kitchen before our big trip, I wanted to tackle the pantry, but I ran out of time. I took advantage of my sweetie being away and I tore through the cans and boxes, tossing some, giving some away that no longer meet our dietary preferences, and started cleaning the shelves.

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She is so unbelievably tiny! Her litter mates are three times her size!

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I had a grocery list for Mr. FixIt and he also needed to stop at the furnace parts store. He and two other guys poured over the schematics of our model of furnace and they finally came up with what part needed replaced. Mr. FixIt got home and in ten minutes he had the furnace up and running. I had to leave the rest of the pantry for today because we had another errand to run.

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We headed to town because a drain line is blocked in our rental house so we had to work on that a bit. Then we went over to visit the Former Mrs. FixIt. She has a new puppy…a mixed breed. It has Mountain Feist in it…a breed I’d never heard of. This little girl is the runt of the litter and when I say she’s little…I’m not kidding! She’s no bigger than your hand and weighs less than a pound at two months!

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She has a familiar mark on her back so she named her Minnie!

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But, when we got back from town, the furnace blew hot air for about five minutes and stopped, just like it did the first time. I know Mr. FixIt can do this…he can do anything! He’ll keep trying. We have a couple of security cameras around our house, so I set up a trap of sorts. I made sure there were walnuts within sight of both of the cameras so maybe we’ll catch that bear red handed…or is it pawed? We didn’t let Pumpkin out of the building till around 10:00 and put her inside long before the sun started to sink low over the far ridge across the creek. So, we’ll see!

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On our way home, we stopped for Chinese food. I’ve lost thirty pounds now and that meal was a huge treat for me. The nice thing is, I’m learning to pay closer attention to my hunger cues. Too many times I was eating because it was TIME to eat whether I was really hungry or not. Or, because I was feeling peckish and I would graze until my mouth was satisfied. Or I would eat because I was bored or sad or angry. Isn’t it weird to be seventy years old and just learn these things about yourself? It just goes to show you, we never stop learning. If I’m on the right side of the grass, I want to be learning something!

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🍁

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“Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. Without having any chief, officer, or ruler, she prepares her bread in summer and gathers her food in harvest.”

\nProverbs 6:6-8 ESV\n
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His Mercies are New Every Morning

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Shop Now

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Looking across one of the pollinator gardens to the near field.

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When we left for our trip, you saw an occasional leaf turning. You felt the crispness in the air. You knew fall was right around the corner. When we got up yesterday morning, it was grey and dismal. No rain. By afternoon, the sun broke through and it was a stellar fall day here at Marshmallow Ranch. 

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Just Across the Dirt Road Along the Near Field

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I had to run to town midday to pick up the mail they’ve been holding. I stopped by the courthouse to leave my personal property information at the appraiser’s office. Then I ran into a little antique and junk shop tucked away on a side street of our little village. As always, I found some things that had to come home with me. There was a really nice pair of Herman Survivor Boots that were just a little too big for me, but I’m sure someone in the family can wear them. I couldn’t pass them up for the price. I found some things I can use for decorating and for gift giving. I have always wanted one of those friend plates. It has a lovely verse about enjoying the goodies on it, then refilling it with your own baked goods and sending the plate on to the next recipient. 

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The Far Ridge on the Other Side of the Two Lane Blacktop

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I had to stop at the Piggly Wiggly for some staple since the fridge was bare. That’s one of the upsides of having an uber clean refrigerator…when you go away, you don’t come home to a bunch of science experiments. As I wandered the aisles, I chatted with this person and that. A lady stopped me and said, “You seem pretty happy.” I told her we just got home from a two week camping trip the night before and I was on top of the world. She smiled and patted my arm. “I’ll ask you again in a week.” Yeah…this high is wearing off soon. Even with the furnace on the fritz.

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The Blueberry Bush

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Mr. FixIt worked on it most of the day yesterday and wasn’t any closer to an answer other than the igniter isn’t getting any juice. He’s the handiest man to have around and I’m sure he’ll figure it out in no time. I brought home fixin’s for chili. Mr. FixIt and I haven’t been eating much red meat anymore. I found two huge chicken breasts on sale at the store and brought them home. I got out my handy new/old meat grinder that I bought on our trip to Colorado and ground them up. I cooked the ground chicken just like ground beef and made the chili for a lot less calories. It was great!

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The Hedgerow Along the Front Creek

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With the leftovers tucked away in the fridge, I noticed it was the golden hour so I went outside to catch some shots of the colors around us. There’s not a photo that does it justice. I walked the perimeter of the far field and noticed we have a bumper crop of walnuts again this year. I’ll go out with a bucket before the rains on Friday and pick them up. There’s a ton more on the trees. I counted FIVE walnut trees, just loaded for bear!

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The Last of the Pollinator Blossoms

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As I was marveling and taking photos, I turned around and there was Mr. FixIt just watching me and smiling. He just makes my heart do loop-de-loops when he smiles that smile at me. This trip away was good for us…no daily distractions like broken furnaces or some such nuisance. It’s so sweet to fall in love with your spouse all over again.

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The Hedgerow Along the Back Creek

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I have a couple of deadlines to meet today. Mr. FixIt has to go to town for a few things, so I’ll stay home and work on the computer and enjoy the view out the office window. There’s supposed to be a turn in the weather tomorrow.

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🍁

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“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

\nEphesians 4:32 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-10-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/10/19/so-much-has-changed-since.html", "tags": ["Change","Farm Life","Marriage","Home"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/10/18/oh-lucyim-home.html", "title": "Oh, Lucy…I’m Home!!!", "content_html": "\n
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We bugged out a day early and came home. We stayed at Hungry Mother State Park in Marion, Virginia the last night and it is truly a gorgeous place to stay. We were in a little campground called Creekside and while we couldn’t get a site right on the creek, it was still beautiful. The sites are well spaced and we had electric and water. We had a second night reserved, but it was cold and rainy. It got down into the 30’s overnight and with the rain, we couldn’t get out and hike or fish in the lake or sit outside. So yesterday morning, I smiled sweetly at Mr. FixIt and said, “You know, we’re less than five hours from home and you can sleep in your own bed tonight?” It didn’t take him long to decide that was a fine idea.

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I wish the sun would have been out because the colors were absolutely breathtaking! But even with cloudy, drizzly skies they were spectacular. Poor Mr. FixIt…I’d say, “OMGosh! Quick! Get a picture of that!!!” He’d pick his phone up, open the camera, focus, and we’d be past it by then! Bless his heart…he did his best and we did get some good shots but nothing that comes close to what we were seeing in person. It was truly magical and was the “picture perfect” ending to the very best trip we’ve ever taken together!

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We didn’t get home till after 5:00 last night and I was beat. So, here’s a couple of the best shots from yesterday. I’m going to soak in a hot tub and sleep till noon! 

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Thanks for traveling with me vicariously. See you tomorrow!

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🍁

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“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:”

\nEcclesiastes 3:1 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-10-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/10/18/oh-lucyim-home.html", "tags": ["Travel","Camping","Fun","Change","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/10/05/its-deer-season-in-west.html", "title": "It’s Deer Season in West Virginia", "content_html": "\n
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Honey, I’m telling you…deer season is a religious holiday in my home state. Lawsy…the number of trucks with muddy ATVs on the back is staggering. Day Glow Orange is the new black. Men named Bubba and AJ and Jim Bob are sitting in their tree stands before dawn, quietly waiting and watching for the deer to start browsing the woodlands. There are several sections of deer season…bow/crossbow (which we’re in now), buck firearm, antlerless-1, antlerless-2, antlerless-3, antlerless-4, muzzleloader, etc. You get the drift. Hunting is big here. It’s a right of passage fathers hand down to sons (and daughters.) A lot of schools close sure the first week of rifle season because the kids will be out there with their dads.

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The people who hunt in West Virginia are largely subsistence hunters…that is, they aren’t necessarily hunting just for a trophy to mount on their walls (although, that is prevalent. Mostly, people hunt for meat for the table and for preserving. Some people do hunt for the meat, but not for themselves…they donate it to food pantries. Personally, I am not a big fan of venison. I did fry up some deer tenderloins a couple of years ago and they were just…ok. Some people are just crazy about it. People who hunt on their own land feed the deer corn for a while before hunting season and fatten them up to make the meat less “gamey.” It’s a big deal in these parts.

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We camped in the Greenbrier State Forest Campground last night. It’s a very small, somewhat rustic campground however, it DOES have electric. We emptied our fresh water tank before we came down to keep the weight down but we just stayed here one night so we did without. We had plenty of bottle water so it was fine.

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October is such a great time to camp. The days are warm, the nights are cool. It couldn’t have been a prettier day driving down. The colors are really changing up closer to Marshmallow Ranch, but the farther south we went, the trees were just starting to change. I think it’s going to be a beautiful trip and driving back through Virginia will be stellar.

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We were both pretty tired last night and turned in early. We got a late start because there was still so much to do. We’ll have two nights at the next campground so we can rest up for the big push to the beach. Back in the day, Mr. FixIt would pack up the family and leave at their bedtime. Then he would drive straight through while they slept. Once they got to the beach, everyone was refreshed and ready to go play on the sand…except Mr. FixIt who had to take a nap! That does NOT sound like fun to me. When we drive, we make it to Williamsburg the first day, then drive on down to the beach on the second day. That way neither one of us is exhausted from too much driving. Mr. FixIt, Jr. had never done that till they came down to meet us at the condo one year. They’ve learned something from the old folks! 

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I’ll share more photos tomorrow. It was almost dark when we got to the campsite!

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🍁

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“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.”

\nIsaiah 40:8 ESV\n
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The Skeleton Crew….dancing beneath the harvest moon!

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I have torn the family room apart. I’m deep cleaning it in preparation for the holiday season. I hung some more of the pretty samplers I bought this year. I figured out a way to get a handle on all the power cords I use when I sit down in my Big Comfy Chair to work on my Etsy Shop. I found an old rectangular basket big enough to hold my power strips and cords. I cut a hole in one end and ran the power cord out the back of the basket and plugged it in. The top is not covered so the power strip won’t overheat, and the sides are high enough you can’t readily see in it. I’m finally hanging things on the walls. They really need a good coat of paint, but I’ll put that off till next year. The room is in that “looks worse than than it did before” stage right now.

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Mr. FixIt had to go to town yesterday for an appointment so I asked if he would mind picking up some things at the grocery store for me. I wrote out a list and sent it via text. I remembered to add something so I reminded him to be sure to look at BOTH lists. I asked for three one pound tubes of ground turkey. So, he came home with ONE three pound tube of ground beef. What is it about men that they can’t read a grocery list? He brought home two boxes of Corn Chex. While he was unloading things, I went to the pantry and picked up the box we already had in there and poured all of them into two Rubbermaid cereal canisters. He said, “Oh, I didn’t know we had that.” I asked if it was on the list. Nope. 

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Bless his heart.

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I know there are men out there who wouldn’t even try! And lawsy me…I know for certain I’ve come home with things we didn’t need and forgot to get what we did! We’ve got one good brain between us and I am so grateful I have a partner who cares enough to try.

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Since we had all that hamburger, I decided to make him a nice meatloaf for supper. I’ve never really made good meatloaf, so I looked up a recipe on the Food Network Kitchen app. I heated up a jar of my home canned half-runner beans and cooked some farfalle pasta. I dressed it simply with butter and grated parmesan cheese. It was SO yummy. Here’s a link for the meatloaf.

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I left the dishes to soak and ran out and mowed till it was too dark to see, then came back in and cleaned the kitchen. And with that, I was spent. It was time to sit down and write to you good people to see how your week is going. We are running to town today to have our eye exams. It’s not till the afternoon so I’m hoping I can get some more of the grass mowed. We have more rain coming in later in the week and I was hoping to get it done beforehand. Not sure I’ll make it.

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We head to the beach a week from today. We are keeping a weather eye out for hurricanes. It could go either way, but at least we will be prepared in case there is smooth sailing.

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Oh, and here’s a new one for me. This is a Pigeon Horntailed Wasp. Even though they looke pretty nasty, they cannot sting people. Pumkin was playing with this one, then I got busy mowing so I am not sure of its fate. Such is life in the country!

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?

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“A sluggard’s appetite is never filled, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.”

\nProverbs 13:4 NIV\n
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To Every Thing There is a Season

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Shop Now

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Yesterday was a pretty easy at-home day. I had every intention of doing some cleaning, but honestly…it just felt great to be home in my Big Red Chair with Mr. FixIt by my side. We haven’t had a lot of that this summer and we really enjoyed it. I did some organizing on my new laptop. I’m trying to keep it from getting clogged up with too many graphics and I need to be able to get to my designs quickly.

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One of my friends posted a picture on FB of the Starlink Train coming across the sky. I looked up online to see when it might be visible here at Marshmallow Ranch. It turns out, there is an app that will tell you when you have the chance to see it clearly in your exact location so I downloaded it. It’s called Find StarLink and you can get it in the App Store.

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I went out to the camper last night to write my post and texted Mr. FixIt to come out a little after 9:00. We just about gave up on it when there it was…booking across the sky! It was amazing. I had my camera set up to do a long exposure, not thinking all I would get is a blur of light. I’ll know better next time. By shooting long exposures I got some great shots of the Milky Way.

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I marveled at this amazing sight. I can’t help but think of my grandma when I see things like this. What on earth would she have thought of seeing a train of lights clipping along in the night sky…silently providing access to an internet that she was confused by. I remember when I got my first laptop and I used AOL dialup. I hooked up to the phone line out at The Farm and pulled up Compuserve! I’m sure she couldn’t wrap her mind around what it actually was. It probably looked like some kind of television with still photos. BORING. lol

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The changes in technology have always fascinated me. But now that I am getting a little older, and things are changing so fast, I have trouble keeping up with it all. So much of it is over my head and I feel like my shelf date is inching more rapidly toward expiration. I hate leaving all the fun to the younger generation. So, I keep up with as much as I can with the declining RAM in my noggin’.

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We don’t have any appointments this week but we probably will make at least one trip to town…whether I like it or not! I hope you had an enjoyable weekend, dear ones. We have another little heat wave coming then we have another taste of fall.

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?

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“Those who are wise will shine as bright as the sky, and those who lead many to righteousness will shine like the stars forever.”

\nDaniel 12:3 NLT\n
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I’ve ventured into personalized items in my shop.\nHere is “Baby’s First Christmas”.
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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-09-05T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/09/05/the-new-night-train.html", "tags": ["Change","Farm Life","Pollinator Garden","Stars"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/08/25/what-a-week.html", "title": "What a Week", "content_html": "\n
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We couldn’t tell which way to turn on Tuesday. It started out with this great breakfast…French toast, turkey sausage, and a sliced fresh peach. It was divine and pretty lo-cal considering. Then I had a hankering for spaghetti last night so I trimmed down my usual recipe to make a passable meal.

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Other than a little cooking and cleaning and a quick trip over the hill to the Post Office, we didn’t do much. I worked on the computer in my Big Red Chair and watched Andy Griffith reruns. Mr. FixIt made some phone calls and stretched out in HIS Big Red Chair. Then we watched the news.

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Sigh.

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I don’t care what side of this whole debacle you land on. I’m staying neutral in here and hoping to keep it a politics free zone for the coming year and a half. Am I looking forward to another contentious election season? Heck no! But I’m going to keep it out of here because we all need a safe place to land…especially those who are grieving. Am I sticking my head in the sand? Absolutely not! But in here, talking politics is like talking about hemorrhoids at a dinner party. We may skirt around it a little, but we aren’t going to show it to anyone. Deal?

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That being said, I will say this. No matter where you stand on the political spectrum, yesterday was a sad day for the state of our country and I’ll continually pray we get this right…not only for us, but for our great-great-grandchildren. Amen.

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Now, back to yummy stuff.

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Here’s the recipe for the French Toast:

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Ginny’s French Toast

3 eggs, beaten
2 heaping teaspoons Truvia Brown Sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened Almond Milk
1/2 teaspoon Cinnamon
1 teaspoon Vanilla
Dash of salt
4 Slices of 35 calorie per slice bread. I used Heiner’s Whole Wheat.

Heat a skillet to medium high heat. Spray with either non-stick spray or olive oil spray. 

Whisk the ingredients together and dip each bread slice into the batter, coating each side. Fry till golden brown and serve with Sugar Free Syrup. 

Makes four slices. Two slices equal 186 calories! I love sausage, so I’ve started buying Jimmy Dean Pre-Cooked Turkey Sausage Patties. Two patties is only 120 calories. I also had a fresh, juicy peach that added 104 calories. So…for a breakfast fit for a Queen, it was only 410 calories. Compared to my usual French toast that is packed with cream, real brown sugar, and butter…this is something I can have, totally guilt free. I do limit it to once a week or so.
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And here’s the recipe for the Spaghetti:

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Ginny’s Spaghetti

Ok, this is no big secret. I buy a jar of sauce that has no more than 50 calories per serving. I also buy Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage Crumbles. They’re precooked. I put in about a half a bag which is 300 calories. The full jar of sauce is 250 calories plus the 300 in the Turkey Crumbles so there’s 550 for five servings. That’s 110 calories per serving. I use Barilla Protein+ Spaghetti which is 190 calories for 2 ounces. My spaghetti dinner was only 300 calories. MUCH less than the calorie fest I used to cook. I used to eat twice that amount of pasta and used fat packed Italian sausage. I made the breakfast sausage taste more like Italian by adding a healthy dose of oregano, garlic, and crushed red pepper flakes. And, I skipped the two slices of Texas Toast Cheesy Garlic Bread that we normally had.
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So, there’s a couple of recipes to add to your repertoire and cut some calories out of your daily budget. We head to town for an appointment today then a pretty lay low weekend ahead. Just what the doctor ordered! Whenever I feel overwhelmed these days with too much to do, I just remember that God made all the stars and knows them by name. I can get my paltry little first world problems taken care of. They’ll be done when they’re done.

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?

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“He counts the stars and calls them all by name.”

\nPsalms 147:4 NLT\n
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#Calm, #Order, #Stars

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I Love Fall Camping! It’s my favorite season to get out in nature and grab the last of the nights under the stars, talk quietly outside the camper in our comfy chairs, a warm sweater wrapped around me to ward off the chill, and a steaming mug of tea. The air smells of woodsmoke and leather and damp leaves. It’s a magical time to be out in the woods!

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-08-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/08/25/what-a-week.html", "tags": ["Choices","Change","Cooking"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/08/23/a-trip-to-town-and.html", "title": "A Trip to Town and Planning for Fall", "content_html": "\n
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I don’t usually divulge too much about Mr. FixIt because his story isn’t my story to tell. With that being said, we had some really good news yesterday that I wanted to share. Not long after we started dating, Mr. FixIt had a physical and his doctor found something concerning in his blood. At first they thought he had leukemia but thank God it wasn’t that. They really weren’t sure what it was but he had some elevated counts and we were concerned. We’ve been going back to the oncologist every six moths for follow up tests and yesterday his levels were normal! Praise God! We don’t have to go back for a year this time and we’re both so relieved.

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After the appointment, we went to lunch then up to Sam’s. They didn’t have everything we needed so we headed to Belpre to the Kroger Store. I really love shopping there…it’s much more like a big city grocer so the variety of items is much more diverse. We headed home soon after and we were hoping we didn’t have to go anywhere today. But, alas…the farm needs mowing. And tomorrow I need to take the camper to my favorite rest area that has a dump station and dump the tanks. We’ll be camping again before too long!

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As we were watching the news last night, I happened to look down at my lap. I know I’ve been losing weight because my clothes are fitting better. But I had to laugh when I saw my jeggings actually sagging when I was sitting down! This is something to stand up and shout about. I had gained so much weight since Covid. I was pushing 200# and that was just too much. I was short of breath. I had trouble doing the things I love to do. I couldn’t even get up off the floor. I was over it!

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I started Noom and I continue working that program. I am never hungry. I actually have to stay disciplined to eat enough calories. I feel fabulous. And I know my husband notices. The nice thing is, he would love no matter what I looked like, but I needed to be in better shape so I can help him around here and do the things I want to do. As of yesterday morning, I’ve lost 24.2 pounds since February. I really, really, REALLY don’t want to gain this weight back. I’m finding I can eat pretty much anything I want as long as I plan for it in my calorie allotment. And, with all the lessons on the psychology of eating and the psych tricks to change my distorted thinking surrounding food, I’m very hopeful this will be the last time I have to lose fifty pounds!

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Halloween is around the corner and I had some fun designing tee shirts for the holiday. You need to plan ahead and get these things done in plenty of time for people to buy in time. This is the most fun I’ve had creating in quite some time! The leaves are changing, the nights are cool, and the kids are back in school. Big leaves for her second year in college today! I can’t believe it!

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?

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“then he will send the rains in their proper seasons—the early and late rains—so you can bring in your harvests of grain, new wine, and olive oil.”

\nDeuteronomy 11:14 NLT\n
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I know it feels early for anything Halloween related, but when you design holiday themed items, you need to list them well in advance. So, I played with Trunk or Treat!

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-08-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/08/23/a-trip-to-town-and.html", "tags": ["Fun","Holiday","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/08/19/another-god-appointment.html", "title": "Another God Appointment", "content_html": "\n
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I had such a nice time during my visit at Gail’s. She has a small cottage she used to list on Air B&B occasionally and she knows I love to stay there when I visit. I need a quiet space to write in the evenings and to unwind from all the peopling. I sleep like a rock over there…it’s so peaceful. 

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When I finally got up and moving around yesterday morning, I went over to the big house and had my cuppa with Gail and the pups. As I was packing the truck, I told her I was going to stop at The Corner Store because they weren’t open on Thursday. We said our goodbyes and I headed to Downtown East Palestine.

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So many of the downtown businesses have closed. Some because of their close proximity to the derailment and resulting fire. Others from the ramifications down the line…not enough business to keep them going. I love The Corner Store. They help the developmentally disabled in the community and that is a cause near and dear to my heart.

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The first thing I saw was a beautiful jelly cupboard, much like the one I inherited from my grandma. It was in excellent condition and only $149! I debated back and forth. I sat in the chair next to it and pondered. But my better angels told me I really didn’t need it and I left it there. I did find some good Tupperware pieces that I can use so I got them. 

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As I carried my purchases to my truck, I looked across the street from where I parked and saw Mama’s Attic. Gail and I were going to go in there on Thursday, but she wasn’t feeling terrific and we went back home. I put my bags in the car and crossed the street. I’ve been in that shop before but don’t really remember who was working there. What I did remember was Gail telling me the owner had testified at the Senate Hearing regarding the derailment and subsequent mess that was left behind. She also told me the owner was calling it quits and moving away.

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I was definitely being drawn to that store yesterday. I had that same feeling I got in church that day when the Holy Spirit was moving me to include scripture in my posts. I couldn’t deny it. I just went. There were a few people coming and going. The owner is a young woman who was chatting with her customers and telling them about the shop closing and about how hard it has been since the derailment. I could hear the emotion in her voice as her eyes welled up with tears. She asked for hugs from those who had come to love on her.

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I wandered around the shop finding some truly wonderful treasures. I love hand stitched samplers. Often you find them worked on Aida cloth, but I like the ones worked on linen. These weren’t necessarily old, but they were very well done and they spoke to me. There were a couple of angels that really had to come home with me. And, there was a beautiful white birdhouse exactly like one I had on the front porch of my Colorado house. It’s one of the things I’ve always regretted getting rid of. There was a relish plate that matches my Spode Christmas china. Oh, and a brand new Stanley steel thermos…in the box…from the 1980’s. Everything was very well priced and much of it was half off so I felt like I got a real bargain.

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As I was checking out, I took advantage of the opportunity to introduce myself and explain my writing and work as a grief mentor. I explained that grief isn’t reserved only for the loss of a loved one. We suffer many losses that cause us to grieve. I felt the flood coming. I told her crying is God’s way of cleaning tension and emotion from our hearts and minds in the form of tears. The tears wash this angst away…bit by bit…and allows us to see the way God is working in and around us.

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At one point, we stood with arms wrapped tightly around each other as she finally let go and released so much pent up emotion. We sat between customers and talked softly. I took her hands in mind and prayed for her. I brought her a peach and a plum to help her get some sugar and fluids to replace what she was losing through her tears.

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When I finally told her the name of my blog, Lonnie stopped and looked deep in my eyes…her voice shaky. She said, “I have something to tell you and you have to believe me. I swear it is true.”

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She is moving away from the area to a house that overlooks the huge fields of a farm. Her sister is having a hard time with her move as they are very close and have always lived near one another. This is going to be difficult for both of them. To reassure her, Lonnie’s sister said, “Just think…you can sit on the front porch with your coffee and watch the marshmallows being harvested!” Some of you may remember how Marshmallow Ranch got its name. It was the summer of 1994 when I took Daughter #1 and her fiancé back to WV to meet the family. While driving through the country, we came across a field of round bales of hay that had been wrapped in white plastic. Daughter #2 was only four years old and she wanted to know what those were. Her sister told her that was a Marshmallow Ranch and this is how they’re grown. Then they’re harvested, cut into little pieces and bagged up for the store.

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That wasn’t the only connection. Lonnie has been finding so many feathers this year. At first, she thought they were signs that things were going to be ok. Then she heard birds were dying and was saddened to think these weren’t blessings after all. That’s when I showed her the photo of my collection of feathers that I’ve picked up while mowing and again, the tears came.

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By the time I left, Lonnie and I exchanged contact information with a promise to stay in touch. There are some people in this world that we are destined to meet, to help, to share information, to connect with. These are our God appointments. And yesterday…Lonnie was mine. 

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And…I think I was hers.

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Please, please, please keep the people of East Palestine in your prayers. What they have gone through is life shattering. The divisiveness of the nation has unfortunately carried over into this situation as well so not only are they trying to survive…they’re also battling the different factions and politics involved. Things are being swept under the rug. I know that sounds like a conspiracy theory, but the stories I’ve heard are the same information from different sources. They need answers. They need the truth. They need help.

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?

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“Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.”

\nRomans 12:21 NLT\n
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To Every Thing There is a Season

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-08-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/08/19/another-god-appointment.html", "tags": ["Grief","God","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/08/16/autumn-leaves-teach-us.html", "title": "Autumn Leaves Teach Us", "content_html": "\n
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There are lessons to be learned in the simplest of things. Once you look for God in the mundane, you see extraordinary concepts play out before your very eyes. I’ve been designing autumn themed shirts for my Etsy shop so I’ve been searching through graphics with images of leaves, pumpkins, Pumpkin Spice Lattes…even footballs. While I’m not ready for summer to be over, I do love the change of seasons and autumn is certainly stunning when she gets all dressed up.

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I was studying a very old cherry tree out at the farm the other day. I remember when that tree was so small, even a little like me could reach up and pluck the crimson red cherries and put them in a pail at my feet. That tree must be 30’-35’ tall now. It’s not necessarily healthy and there hasn’t been a cherry on it for decades. But, I’m telling you, in her heyday…she produced gallons and gallons of pie cherries.

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As she ages, her lower branches die and the leaves have mostly fallen off by the beginning of August. I watched each golden yellow leaf twist in the wind till it finally let go and made its single, solitary flight to the ground. It doesn’t hold on forever. It doesn’t get a second chance. It just flies.

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There’s the cherry tree. That’s my mom’s ‘64 Ford Fairlane so this had to have been before ‘69 because she got a Plymouth Duster that year.

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We can do that, too. If we don’t hold on so tight. If we live our seasons with love and intention. If we just let go we might find the subsequent journey to be a little less frightening than we imagined. But, ohhhh….we do want to hold on tight. We really don’t like change.

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I’ve always said “Change is my middle name.” Bring me more of it. I get bored if things aren’t stirred up from time to time. Mr. FixIt is hesitant to change. We both grew up in homes that were unpredictable. My coping strategy was to roll with the punches and learn to look forward and anticipate change. His is trying to maintain the status quo so we can stay safe and secure.  I think it’s just the difference between a man and a woman…seeing things so differently.

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When I see a leaf in mid flight, enjoying its journey…fulfilling its purpose…I smile and remember. 

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It’s ok to let go of things and embrace change.\nGod will always be there to catch us when we fall…\nor teach us how to fly.
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?

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“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

\nGalatians 6:9 NIV\n
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Autumn Leaves Teach Us - Long Sleeved T-Shirt

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-08-16T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/08/16/autumn-leaves-teach-us.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Growth","Change","Farm Life","Memories","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/08/12/i-know-a-change-is.html", "title": "I Know A Change is Gonna Come", "content_html": "\n
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Looking down the creek, I think the big rains we’ve had the last few years is washing dirt and rocks down from high up and it’s filling the creek. Maybe that’s why it is spreading out.

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I fiddled around on the computer and cleaned up the house before I came home yesterday. I moved a floor mat to the inside of the back door into the kitchen because we’re always tracking mud in. The steps off the back porch and that sidewalk grow moss and algae on them, so every step is wet and soggy and that just leaves muddy footprints all over the kitchen. I know it’s not my house anymore, but Grandma would want it kept clean, so I cleaned it.

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Tradition. Peer pressure from dead people. 

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I can’t believe the amount of stuff I tote there and back. I think I’m just going to leave some stuff in Grandma’s dresser and not carry so much back and forth. I’m sure I’ll be going out more often with that lightning fast internet out there! Especially now that the biggest portion of our travel is over. Well, sort of. Next week, I’m going up to Gail’s for a couple of nights for a visit. We’re camping the third and fourth weeks of September. Then we have our big two week camping trip to the beach in October. Then we’re done for the year! 

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This was just an incredibly busy summer. Daughter #1 led Freshman Orientation at her high school yesterday and they start classes on Monday. School doesn’t begin in our area till the last week of August. Once that happens, then I’m kinda ready for fall.

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I reopened my shop yesterday from vacation mode now that we’re caught up with the mowing and all. (Although, I need to mow the next good day. The grass has really grown this week.) I had fun designing some fall things yesterday so I’m looking forward to sharing them with you. Also, I was gifted some beautiful silverware last weekend and I’m actually going to start making art jewelry again. I’ll let you know when you can expect that to show up.

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I didn’t write much when I was out at the farm this time. I wanted to really be mindful and present to those warm feelings I get when I’m there. Each time I visit, I’m reminded how old and tired that house is. The encroaching forest seems to threaten to swallow it whole. I was standing on the edge of the creek, shucking corn for my supper when I was struck by how wide the creek-bed has become. What was once just a little trickling branch has turned into a true creek…roaring past the house when these heavy storms fueled by global warming fill it nearly to the brim. It is eroding the creek-bank FAST. I have seen a noticeable change year after year since I moved back in 2014. 

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I know my days are numbered at the farm. I don’t dwell on it, but I am trying to prepare myself for the eventuality. I know, I know….how many times have I told you that? But, this time feels different. And it’s not just the house. It’s the times. It’s the world. It’s the division and unrest. 

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I don’t know…I am just reminded of Sam Cooke’s song…..“A Change is Gonna Come.” It’s been running through my head all week and Jennifer Hudson slayed it at the Kennedy Center when they were honoring Denzel Washington.

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“There been times that I thought\nI couldn’t last for long\nBut now, I think I’m able\nTo carry on\n\nIt’s been a long \nA long time comin’, but I know \nA change gon’ come\nOh yes, it will.”
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\n[youtu.be/_ZEzUq9th...](https://youtu.be/_ZEzUq9th3g)\n
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?

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“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

\nHebrews 13:8 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-08-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/08/12/i-know-a-change-is.html", "tags": ["The Farm","Change","Farm Life","Home"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/07/08/time-passes-and-so-many.html", "title": "Time Passes and So Many Changes", "content_html": "\n
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The one constant in life is change, isn’t it? We can look forward to change as a learning tool and a growing opportunity. But there are changes we dread and it’s when we witness the decline and fragility of loved ones as we age. I often wonder what people see outside of my own self perception. Are they seeing my decline? Because, surely they are. It’s all part of life, but not the most welcome part.

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We visited with my brother again today. We stopped at Walmart to get a new trimmer. After he played UNO with Mr. FixIt for about two hours or so, the game finally ended and I took Bubby outside to cut his hair and trim his beard. He looked like a new man. Staff and clients alike crowded around to watch and encourage him with whoops and hollers and whistles. I think he had a big time and I know he had to feel better when I was done. 

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Helping Bubby organize his room.

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I showed him the planner we bought that fits in his fanny pack. It’s for keeping track of when he needs a haircut and a beard trim so we don’t get in this mess again. He’ll also add notes that the doctor will need to see during his visits. We went over to his house last evening at supper time and I went over the same thing with Lucy, the staff member who was working last night. I think we have a mutual understanding now of expectations and it always helps to have a name and a face with who you can communicate. 

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I came very close to crying when I left but I didn’t want to upset him. I cleaned up his phone and took some things off that he doesn’t use that may confuse him. He needs things very simple. We left him preparing to watch Star Trek…one of his favorite shows. Then we had to say goodbye till the next time. I doubt seriously if we’ll be back till September 2024, barring any unforeseen circumstances. 

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We stopped by my dear friend Judy’s house and visited with her and her husband. I hadn’t seen them in a long time. We were always stitching buddies and raised our babies together. Now the girls are in their thirties. It’s crazy how time has flown by. We don’t see old people when we look in each other’s eyes. We see the dearest of friends and we pick right up where we left off. Next time we come, we are going to get the old gang together and have a day of stitching and reminiscing. 

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As we were leaving, Judy said, “Hey! I’m getting rid of a lot of things. Do you want my smocking pleater?” Ohhhhh, heck yeah! That went into the truck so fast it would make your head spin! I love making smocked Christmas ornaments and we have a little that would look awfully cute in a smocked dress. There will be more babies down the road and GiGi can make stuff!

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And that’s a wrap for the trip up to Glenwood Springs. We stayed in the Glenwood Canyon Resort campground. We have stayed here before. It’s close to town which is convenient. There’s a bike path and rafting. There’s a restaurant. There are tiny homes/cabins and camping spots for everything from tent campers to Sprinter vans, to the great big motor homes. Like I said yesterday, the sites down here by the river are cheaper so they aren’t very generous with the real estate. When we got back from town yesterday, the guy next to us was grilling directly beneath the window in our slide out. I closed the window right away, but not without a friendly greeting to the chef so he wouldn’t think I was miffed or anything. 

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We head to Denver this morning early so we can try to be there by noon. My sister-in-law and brother-in-law are coming from Salt Lake to see us. My nephew and his girlfriend will be here as well. So we’ll have another family gathering today. Prayers for safe travels today. 

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?

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“Keep on loving each other as brothers and sisters. Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it!”

\nHebrews 13:1-2 NLT\n
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#Brother, #Family, #Travel

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-07-08T00:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/07/08/time-passes-and-so-many.html", "tags": ["Family","Travel","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/06/25/we-did-a-thing.html", "title": "We Did a Thing", "content_html": "\n
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No, we didn’t buy another camper. The other day when we drove through town, we saw a sign in the park. 

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“Music Saturday Night 7-9PM”

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Cool! We love live music. So we made a note to go. But then it started raining and more was predicted through the evening. Mr. FixIt said that would be the end of the music so I took it we weren’t going to go. We went to the farm yesterday to mow before we leave on our trip. Beans texted me early to say the kids were there and there was no water. That pump has seen its better days and try as we might…repeatedly priming it isn’t a long term solution. The problem is, that meant the pump in the cellar house had been running for gosh know how long. It took us quite a bit of time to get the tractor to start this time, but she finally fired up and I got the lawn mowed while Mr. FixIt unplugged the pump and turned off the water heater again. Frank and Beans will get a new tank for the pump and hopefully that will take care of the problem.

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When we got home, I decided to take a short nap. We had hamburger for the grill. When I got up it was 6:00 and started cleaning up the kitchen to fix supper. Mr. FixIt came in and said, “We’re going to have to leave right now if we’re going to make it to the concert!” What??? I had no food ready and not much to throw together. I don’t handle quick changes to plans as well as I did when I was younger and I may have been a bit snippy to this nice man of mine. I made him a PB&J and threw some grapes, cold chicken, and pretzels in a bag with a couple of cans of Diet Coke and bottle of water. I was done and out the door in five minutes.

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We got to the park and….no one was there. There were a couple of birthday parties at the shelters, but no music. We went around the side where the sign was and someone had added a note saying the music had been moved into…

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THE SENIOR CENTER!

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I’ve never been there. I mean…senior centers are where old people go to play bingo and solve jigsaw puzzles, right??? I entered with great trepidation. I took my knitting. I figured I’d fit right in! The band was setting up and the room was pretty crowded. We found seats and I nibbled on the cold chicken and grapes and before long, the music started.

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The three piece band included drums, a bass guitar, and the lead singer who played keyboards, electric and acoustic guitars, the fiddle, and harmonica. The couple next to us smile. The man leaned over and whispered conspiratorially, “He used to play cruise ships.”

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Great. My inner two-year-old was grumpy from her nap, and she didn’t have her corn-on-the-cob and burgers on the grill like she wanted, and now she was being FORCED to sit in a room with OLD people and listen to a guy sing karaoke. I was positively a stink pot! I picked up my knitting and the music started.

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Then, the magic happened. 

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The lead singer opened his mouth and started singing. His range was remarkable. He easily went from deep, deep bass to falsetto and back again. He had a clever set up with a background vocals track he skillfully played because the other two musicians didn’t sing. He was a one man band with backup.

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He had an impressive repertoire and sang everything from rock and roll to country and gospel. Elvis, Garth Brooks, Willie Nelson, Jimmy Buffet. He had us singing the sha-la-las in Brown Eyed Girl. I looked around. Women were dancing in a conga line up the aisle and back around down the sides. Everyone was laughing and singing along.

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Suddenly, it hit me. In my parent’s older years, the music that was played in nursing homes was likely to be songs of longing for the boys who went off to war, or Glenn Miller’s rendition of Pennsylvania Six Five Thousand. They knew all the words. Nowadays, we’ll be in the senior centers and nursing homes singing Neil Young and the Grateful Dead and the Eagles. We’ll know all the words, too.

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That’s when I knew. I’ll be back to the Senior Center. They have live music the third Saturday of every month. They serve a great pulled pork sandwich and there’s vendors with handmade goods like birdhouses and peanut butter fudge. They sell tickets for a 50/50 drawing. I was humbled. Maybe there’s something I can do to help there. When we left I gave Mr. FixIt my profoundest apologies for being a pistol and he smiled and hugged me. He gets me. 

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Hmmmmm…I wonder if they have yoga classes or a knitting group?

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?

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“Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had.”

\nPhilippians 2:3-5 NLT\n
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Life is like the ocean…it goes up and down.  

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-06-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/06/25/we-did-a-thing.html", "tags": ["Growth","Change","Marriage","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/06/21/camping-critters.html", "title": "Camping Critters", "content_html": "\n
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The little camp cat…I’m so tempted to take her home, but I’m afraid Pumpkin will hurt her. She attacks anything that steps foot on her turf.

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We awoke yesterday to sprinkles and it looked like rain several times but never happened. We had breakfast under the pavilion. Lynn and Michelle bring their dogs with them when they camp. Lynn has two Corgis and Michelle has a Leonberger. They are best friends who love to travel together and it’s usually in Lynn’s Class B van. Now imagine two people and three dogs sleeping in a Roadtrek. Lynn has it fixed up with crates for the dogs to sleep in and she has made good economical use of her space. But I’m afraid I’d be getting a little claustrophobic with all that extra company.

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Michelle and her big boy! The picture of the corgis didn’t come out…I’ll try tomorrow.

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It’s always a pleasure to camp with them. Gail has her camper van here when she is the Camp Host and we get the girlfriends together at least twice a year for a campout. I come along once and I bring Mr. FixIt with me in the fall. We love this campground…it’s one of our top five favorites. Afternoon tea, naps, magazines, knitting (or other crafts), and good conversation. These are my kind of campers. There is cocktail hour, but alcohol is not the central focus. 

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Chatting around the fire and looking up answers to questions on Google! Better living through technology.

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We had a campfire last night and I made popcorn in the Detonator Popper with the crank that stirs the kernels to keep them from burning. I went online and found the directions so I would know what amounts to use. They suggest unrefined coconut oil because it doesn’t burn or smoke and the popcorn comes out nice and fluffy. I purchased popcorn seasoning at Walmart when I bought the coconut oil on my way here. We had Cheesy Jalapeño, Kettle Corn, Chile Limon, and Butter so you could choose your flavor. It was really good and we had so much fun sitting around the campfire talking. Actually, the campfire didn’t bother me last night. The wind continually blew the smoke away from me so I didn’t get choked on it.

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One more night and I head home to my Mr. FixIt!

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?

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“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”

\nRomans 12:10 NLT\n
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Marshmallow Ranch Designs

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The Bible tells us that our eyes are like lamps that bring light into our bodies. The health of our eyes will determine if our bodies are healthy, filled with light…or unhealthy, filled with darkness. I’ve been pondering this a great deal lately. Without delving into politics, I will say we are being given many opportunities to practice this noble and wise scripture this week. I knew in my heart that the events of Tuesday were liable to serve as a key to open the floodgates of angry and hateful rhetoric.

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There are people who planned hateful things on Tuesday. I kept hearing rumors of it, never dreaming it would come to my doorstep. Then I received a private message on my Facebook page by some man I did not know. Usually those are fairly innocuous pleas to make them the happiest man in the world and send them a friend request. Yeah…that’s a hard pass, fella. You’d have to get up pretty early to pull one over on me.

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This message was different. My profile picture for the month of June is a series of colorful stripes with the word ALLY across it…in support of my daughter and her wife and my countless friends who are members of the LGBTQ+ community. The message I received was hate filled with ugly, vulgar terms to describe who I am for displaying such a thing. My first thought was shock. I surely wasn’t expecting something like that. Then I was angry and frustrated because this is what my beautiful daughter and daughter-in-law face on the daily.

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Then I felt pity. Pity that people feel they need to treat others with such hatred and ugliness. Pity that he obviously doesn’t know Jesus. The Biblical Jesus that I know. I knew his eyes must be unhealthy because he had such darkness in him. I wish he knew how much Jesus loves him and how much better his life could be if only he would find Him. I’m witness to know the incredible difference a life walking with God makes. I prayed for his salvation, then I blocked him and reported the attack to Facebook. I did not engage him because that’s what people like this want. Reaction. I failed to give him that.

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Tuesday night, Daughter #2 called to wish me a happy birthday. She wanted to know all about my day and when I asked her about hers, she said it was great…right up to the very last minute before closing. She received a phone call at work from a man that sounded pleasant enough. He asked if they carried a certain product. She said they did. He went on to tell her why he needed it and the thought maybe he was oversharing a little bit so she just made a pleasant comment about how glad she was it helped. Then he said, “Well enough about that. Let’s talk about the f.i.n.a.l s.o.l.u.t.i.o.n. There’s J.E.W.S out there, you know!” (For those of you who do not know what that is, it’s what the N.a.z.i.s called the H.o.l.o.c.a.u.s.t.) I am writing this with p.e.r.i.o.d.s between the letters of certain words to keep from drawing the attention of nefarious people.

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Now, you have to understand…my daughter grew up J.e.w.i.s.h in a small community in Colorado. She was bullied all through school because of her religious identity. As a matter of fact, it was so bad it caused her to self-harm and nearly drove her to s.u.i.c.i.d.e. So when this guy called and laid that on HER doorstep, she didn’t miss a beat and lit into him with the same mouth I used to kiss good night when she was little. She is fierce and stands up to people. Unfortunately, in this day and age, that can be outright dangerous and as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew she had given him exactly what he wanted.

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I’m not telling you this to stir things up. I won’t engage in debates over things such as this. I’ll do all the things I can to combat hatred in all forms. And I’ll pray fiercely in hopes that we can somehow normalize kindness and love our neighbors again. We cannot hide our heads in the sand and think this kind of thing isn’t happening everywhere. But we CAN choose wisely what we let into our eyes and make a conscious effort to feed the light.

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There are two animals within us…a good one and a bad one. The one we feed is the one who survives.

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❤️‍?

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““Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when it is unhealthy, your body is filled with darkness. Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness. If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.””

\nLuke 11:34-36 NLT\n
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Bring Peace into your garden with one of my photographs and a fitting scripture…John 14:27

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-06-15T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/06/15/what-we-see-matters.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Anger","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/06/07/a-calculated-guess.html", "title": "A Calculated Guess", "content_html": "\n
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The quilt, tucked in its own little storage box

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We ran to town yesterday for Mr. FixIt’s medical appointment and…as I predicted…it turned into an all day ordeal. I didn’t sleep well because I was afraid we’d sleep through the alarm and I was a little concerned about the procedure he’s going to have done. But the doctor was thorough, knowledgeable, and reassuring so I left confident everything’s going to be fine. He’s done over thirty thousand of these so we’re cool.

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Afterward, we went on the hunt for the perfect shirt for Mr. FixIt for the wedding. He’s going to wear his grey sport coat over black pants. We went with a monochromatic look and got a grey shirt. Try as we might, we could not find a white shirt that he liked so grey it is. We walked all over the mall to get our steps in and we were really ready to leave. By that time Mr. FixIt’s back hurt and my feet hurt and we were over it.

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We had to stop at Walmart. It seems we ALWAYS have to stop at Walmart. Gas is cheapest there. I had a prescription to pick up. I dropped Mr. FixIt off at Kohl’s so he could just make EXTRA sure the shirt we bought at Penneys was the best we could find. And it was. I swung back to pick him up and we headed home.

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I did a little work on the itinerary for the Colorado trip. I finally have a place lined up where I can store the camper while we are visiting in Denver. Then I needed to renew my Good Sam’s Club and AAA. Their computers were the ones not working right this time so I gave up and came out to the camper to write.

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I told you I found a box in which to package the quilt for this weekend. I went to Michael’s and found one of those pretty decorator boxes with handles that look all the world like a small trunk. I eyeballed it and thought about the quilt and how I could fold it and I was absolutely certain it would fit exactly within its confines. Granted, when I got home, I had to fold and refold several times to get it to fit, but it finally went in perfectly. The only thing is, I couldn’t fold it so that the tag was visible. I thought that would be rather pretty. But this will do and as you can see, I got that king-sized quilt in there with a little room to spare!

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I’ve been a little off my game here the last couple of weeks. I couldn’t quite put my finger on anything, but I felt antsy, anxious, scared, worried. I know this procedure has been looming, but this was more than that. I felt myself watching Mr. FixIt with a kind of curious fear. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it was. I had a rough night Monday so I had a lot of time tossing and turning and working it over in my mind. Then for some reason, the thought…”check the days” fluttered across my mind. I have an app on my phone that calculates the days since an event. When I opened it up and did a little calculating, my fear made perfect sense.

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I had Mr. Virgo in my life for a certain number of days before he died. I calculated the approximate days since Mr. FixIt and I started dating and…it’s getting really close to the same number. My subconscious has been hyper-vigilant with worry and fear. Thinking things like, “What would I do if the unthinkable happened…yet again?” “Could I survive that?” What if…what if…what if?

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Once I saw it clearly, I understood what I’ve been doing. I’ve been trying to avoid any and all pain. But that is not living a mindful, present life, is it? The Bible says not to worry about tomorrow today. Tomorrow has enough to worry about all on its own. It also isn’t good for our marriage and it’s not fair to Mr. FixIt. But now that I “get it”, I can correct the path and make things right. It made my heart melt into him and I know for a fact that all is right in our world.

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Anniversary reactions are a real psychological phenomenon and while this wasn’t an actual date on the calendar, the body memory of my trauma losing Mr. Virgo somehow knew Mr. FixIt and I have been together just about the same amount of time. Grief is not limited to the actual loss. It weaves its way through every part of your life and pops up…sometimes years later…to give you another layer of your “self” to come to terms with. The mind will do whatever it can to protect itself. I’m grateful the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart and told me to “check the days.” It makes perfect sense to me now.

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?

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“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”

\nLuke 2:19 NIV\n
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Even when it’s been ten years and you think surely you must be completely finished working through grief, you can easily step on that broken rake in the tall grass and it smacks you right between the eyes.

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-06-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/06/07/a-calculated-guess.html", "tags": ["Grief","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Memories","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/05/04/may-the-fourth-be-with.html", "title": "May the Fourth Be With You!", "content_html": "\n
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I have no idea how they came up with the name for Noom, but they hit it out of the park with their app. First off, let me say…I’ve lost FOUR pounds since Monday. I know…the first few pounds are water weight, but I’ll take anything I can get! I haven’t been a bit hungry and I have eaten anything I wanted. Yesterday morning was Mr. FixIt’s fabulous oatmeal. I mixed mine with blueberries and dehydrated peaches.

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My sweetie always adds a heaping tablespoon of brown sugar, and adds cinnamon and my home brewed vanilla. So, so yummy. We never eat lunch but I had a midday snack of a cup of green seedless grapes. I fixed salmon, baked potato, and sweet kale salad with a little French Vinaigrette. I was so full afterwards, but as I’m writing this, I am sure I’ll have my daily yogurt before I go to bed.

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It’s so easy to keep track of what you eat. If you’re cooking a dish that you make over and over, you can create a custom meal then you only have to enter all the ingredients once. You just name it, then the next time you make it, you just select the meal and everything in it goes on your food list. I didn’t get very many steps in yesterday. I had every intention of walking in the park when I went to the Post Office to mail Little’s birthday present. Once Little opens their birthday present, then I can share pictures. OMGosh! It was so cold and drizzly, I just didn’t have it in me to exercise. It will be warming up now, so it won’t be such a difficult thing to accomplish. 

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Seriously, if any of you want to try Noom, I can send you a link for a free trial and $20 off. Just send me a private message with your email address. I already have one person doing it with me. It can keep us accountable if we have a group to support each other. I think the statistic said that having a friend do the program with you increases your odds of reaching your goal weight by, like…32%. That’s pretty impressive.

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I’m looking forward to having some sunny and warm weather so we can mow. Honestly, it looks like you could bale hay out in our field! I’ll have to cut the grass high, then run back over it cutting it to the normal height. We didn’t go anywhere yesterday and I still didn’t get all the things done that I wanted. Our internet was really dicey…probably because of the rain. If it’s still out today, I’ll have to call them. I write on my iPad and it uses cell service for data. But I’m out of luck when I need to use my laptop to work on my shop.

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That’s about all the news from here. As I write this, I’m sitting in the camper…typing as I listen to the rain on the roof. It’s one of the things I love the most about camping. It’s so relaxing and I have to fight to keep from snoozing till it’s time to go to bed for the night. I continue to sleep so much better…I think I’ve found the right combination of “treatment” for my insomnia. It’s so wonderful to wake up after a solid night’s sleep!

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?

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“Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants.”

\nDeuteronomy 32:2 NIV\n
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#Spring, #Rain, #Cold, #NOOM

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-05-04T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/05/04/may-the-fourth-be-with.html", "tags": ["Choices","Change","Farm Life","Cooking"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/04/08/another-tax-season-is-in.html", "title": "Another Tax Season Is In The Books!", "content_html": "\n
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Mr. FixIt got a closeup of our Dwarf Rhododendron! Good job, babe!

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Whew! I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be finished. Even with all the work I did in advance, it still took me five days to do the taxes. Good golly! I was determined to get them done yesterday so I asked Mr. FixIt if he would mind making his world famous oats for breakfast so I could get to work. After breakfast, he left me to my own devices and went out to change a part on Louisa the Lincoln. The “Service Engine Soon” light has been on for a week. At first it said it was the gas cap so we got a new one. No change. Then it indicated the Mass Air Intake Sensor was faulty so we ordered a new one. I had to help a little because Mr. FixIt only has two hands.

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The engine light stayed on, so we went to the auto parts store in our little village and had them connect it up to the computer reader again. She told us we fixed the mass air intake error, but it was still saying there was a faulty gas cap. We checked it and it was tight. The other error was for a faulty oxygen sensor. Mr. FixIt will figure out how to fix that. He knows how to do everything! He and Mr. YouTube!

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On our way back from town, he asked if I’d like to go to the little pizza joint at the edge of Parkersburg to get some supper. He knows how many times I have cleaned that kitchen this week and he knew I was ready for a break. I jumped at the chance and we went to Pete’s Pizza. Someone told us they make excellent hot sub sandwiches. They were very tasty. Pete’s has wing nights once a week so we may have to try that some time.

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We took the long way home and checked out the flowering trees. They’re getting so pretty and people are mowing everywhere. I’m going to have to mow soon…at least the yard inside the fence. We need to give Mr. FixIt’s back a rest…he’s the bowling substitute on Sunday night. So I’ll probably do the push mower, too.

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Just a couple more cool days and nights and the temperatures will start climbing as we head deeper into official spring. I’m so relieved to get winter behind us. As we drove back down our road last night, Mr. FixIt said he thought my pretty pink dogwood that he planted for me died. That made me sad. It really grew a lot the last three or four years. I’ll go out and check it today to see if there’s any hope. The peonies have shot up ten inches in two days! The underbrush in the woods is getting that beautiful bright spring green, but my redbud still has no blooms at all on them…not even buds. We did have some prolonged freezes this winter and its been hard on the vegetation

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Still no word if my brother got moved yesterday, but I’m hoping for the best!

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?

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“Come on, let’s go back to God. He hurt us, but he’ll heal us. He hit us hard, but he’ll put us right again. In a couple of days we’ll feel better. By the third day he’ll have made us brand-new, Alive and on our feet, fit to face him. We’re ready to study God, eager for God-knowledge. As sure as dawn breaks, so sure is his daily arrival. He comes as rain comes, as spring rain refreshing the ground.”

\nHosea 6:1-3 MSG\n
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Stir up something sweet for Grandma with this darling apron!

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Shop Now!

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-04-08T08:11:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/04/08/another-tax-season-is-in.html", "tags": ["Growth","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/27/marshmallow-ranch-is-back-on.html", "title": "Marshmallow Ranch is Back on Etsy!!!", "content_html": "\n
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It all started when I decided to leave the rat race of medicine and try to make a living from my own creativity. I dropped down to part time at the neurology office and started making art jewelry from antique silverware and maps. As a matter of fact some of you have been with me since the very beginning and can remember my little Etsy shop. When I lost Mr. Virgo, I tried to keep the shop going, but once I sold the Colorado house and hit the road in my camper I kinda lost my mojo.

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Time passed and adventures came and I finally ended up on The Farm…the home of my heart. And I ran into Mr. FixIt…the holder of my heart. And now…its been ten years since Mr. Virgo’s passing and it’s time to turn a corner and do something wonderful and fresh and fun to take me through the NEXT ten years! The joy of my heart!

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Marshmallow Ranch is back on Etsy once again!!!!!

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It looks decidedly different than it did in the “old days”. My art is different. My skills are different. Shopping experiences are different. And most importantly…I AM DIFFERENT! What I am presenting to you today is a whole new vision that incorporates my art, my graphic design skills, my quirky sense of humor, and my desire to connect with people in ways I haven’t even thought of yet. 

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I’ve been working diligently on this project and I’m very happy with the way it turned out. I am offering ways for you to own my art…in the form of my photography, my compositions and graphic design elements, and my words…on clothing, accessories, shoes, tea towels, candles. From kitchen items all the way up to suitcases. I’ve combed over this time and again…and I’m sure there still are things that need to be tweaked a little here and there.

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There is a button pinned on my Facebook page as well as one on the blog that will lead you right to the shop. It’s not quite as easy to head back to the blog, but the quickest way is to use the back arrow key on your browser page. If you find things that need fixing, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I’ll fix it as soon as possible. 

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I hope you like the new shop. The category of listings is in the sidebar to the left. I will be adding things going forward…more home goods, clothing, and accessories as well as vintage items. And perhaps I’ll get back in the studio and make pretty things again with my hands one of these days. I hope you’ll keep me in mind for your shopping and gift-giving occasions!

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And, as in all things…to God be the Glory!

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Enjoy!!!

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?

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 “…whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

\n1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/27/marshmallow-ranch-is-back-on.html", "tags": ["Fun","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","God","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","The Shop"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/11/just-thinking.html", "title": "Just Thinking", "content_html": "\n
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The view near Mr. Virgo’s gravesite.

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I awoke at the first blush of dawn. The sky was gray and gloomy and a misty rain fell as the morning light slowly brought the hedgerow into focus. As has happened often the last couple week, my mind went into comparison mode. It seems my life has clearly delineated blocks of time as though I’ve actually lived several different lives. I suppose that is true to come extent for all of us. My major divisions, looking through the wide-angle lens that is 20/20, seem to be “before Mr. Virgo died”, “after Mr.Virgo died”, and…”now.” 

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I’ve looked back over the time surrounding his death and remember some things so vividly. Others are a blur. The one thing I really remember is the week leading up to his death and the “messages” I kept getting. I had dreams of waking up to find him cold and dead beside my in the bed. I heard voices as clear as day saying, “This is what he’ll look like when he’s dead.” And finally…”He’s going to die today.” 

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And…he did.

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Anyone who has gone through such great loss knows the time following the death of a very close loved one knows your mind is gone…not to be trusted…nearly (if not totally) certifiable. It took me several years to rally into some vague form of who I was before. Never totally, but a little closer as the years went by. As I laid in bed yesterday morning, listening to the rain on the roof above me, I contemplated where I am today as opposed to ten years ago. 

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When the light became bright enough to see around the room, I slipped out of bed and padded into the kitchen to put the kettle on. It was not quite 6:00am and Mr. FixIt was still quietly snoozing. I dressed and took my tea to the living room. I have always enjoyed the quiet time in the house before anyone else has awakened. It’s quiet and peaceful. I didn’t turn on the TV or the radio. I just sad in the Big Red Chair and listened to the birds chasing each other around the feeders just beyond the window in the family room while I sipped my tea.

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Thursday had been quite a busy day and I decided we should just hang out at home and relax yesterday. I’m so glad we did. It felt so good to not have to be anywhere or do anything. I loved it so much, I may just do it again tomorrow. Although, I had a reminder in the mail. We received the invitation to one of the WV granddaughter’s wedding and I really MUST get back to that quilt top. I went over the “Big Project” yesterday with a fine toothed comb and I think I’m just about ready for the grand reveal. So now’s as good a time as any to get back to my sewing nook and get that quilt finished!

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It’s pretty chilly here with a slight chance of flurries over the weekend. I can take it…I’ve seen the promise of spring. She’ll be back!

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?

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“Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.””

\nHosea 6:3 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-11T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/11/just-thinking.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/08/opening-a-can-of-worms.html", "title": "Opening a Can of Worms", "content_html": "\n
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We had a busy day yesterday doing this and that. We finally got to the place where we could post the three campers and the van we’re selling. Oh. My. Word. I had NO idea what was going to happen when those things hit the Marketplace! Our phones immediately started lighting up and were still going at it four hours later when I sat down to write this. In hindsight, it might have been prudent to only put one item on Marketplace at a time, but I’m not one to do much of anything halfway! 

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So…in a quick five hours, we sold the old van, the hybrid camper, and my ‘67 Franklin! Wowza…we were really hopping! Now we only have the a-frame to sell then we’ll have a much lighter load around here. It’s going to look really weird to have all that stuff gone out there in the old driveway!

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I’m going great guns on The Project. At some point, I’m going to need to stop and say it’s done. But I still have a few days to tweak it a little here and there. As I sit here and write, I realize how tired I am. I’ve done little else than sit with my laptop on my lap desk in the Big Red Chair since before Christmas. And here it is…almost time to mow! I’m looking forward to next week when I take off for a few days camping with my girlfriends. 

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I’m thinking I may have the Grand Reveal on March 20th. I’m not at all sure if there is WiFi at the campground where I’ll be staying, and I don’t want to be out of touch the first week in case I need to put out any fires. So, I’ll get it all put together before I leave then I can get away for some serious R&R for a long weekend with the girls. Then, we’ll be ready to celebrate when I get back! How’s that sound?

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In the few short but frantic hours since I listed the items on FB Marketplace, I’ve met a few of the sweetest folks. A fellow that was here last year to buy something came back and bought the old van. Then a lovely fellow came to buy the hybrid camper to use at church camp this summer. And finally, a young couple are coming tomorrow to buy the vintage camper. They’ll fix it up and rent it out with others they have on Air B&B. 

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While I appreciate getting some money out of things that were just sitting here, I love meeting the people who will be giving them new life. That does my heart good!

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?

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“Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed, for he shares his bread with the poor.”

\nProverbs 22:9 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-08T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/08/opening-a-can-of-worms.html", "tags": ["Downsizing","Change","Be Joyful!","Big Birdhouse"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/06/we-may-need-that-someday.html", "title": "We May Need That Someday!", "content_html": "\n
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I’ve heard it said that. You never need any of the crap you hang onto…until the week after you get rid of it. And isn’t that the truth? It’s happened time and again. And tools. You buy them, you put them in the building/shed/basement along with all the other stuff only to learn you cannot find it when you need it so you buy another…and another…and another! It makes me crazy! 

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A dear friend of mine is selling a house and they’re getting down to the wire and it needs the last of the stuff cleared out. Her husband and my husband are cut from the same bolt of cloth. I’ve always greatly admired him and when I decided to start dating after Mr. Virgo died, I was determined to find someone with the same quality of character…honorable, honest, and devoted, with a strong work ethic. I found that in Mr. FixIt. I didn’t really think about the fact that my new husband would have any….unfavorable characteristics. Like hoarding. Not in the likes of those poor unfortunates on the television show. No…hoarding like “I can’t throw this piece of wood away because I may need it someday but then when I DO eventually need it, I won’t be able to find it so I’ll buy more wood!” Yeah…like that.

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After decluttering forty year’s worth of stuff when I sold the house in Colorado, I was certain I would NEVER have to deal with that again. Ahhhhhh…what do they say? Never say never? 

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*sigh*

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Anyway, I digress. My dear friend’s husband had a stash of wood he was getting rid of and this meme made me laugh. I had to send it to him, of course. And to Mr. FixIt. We all know those folks who can’t get rid of stuff. My late friend Sparky got after me when I was promoting the joys of downsizing. She pointed out to me that she left an abusive marriage with nothing much more than the kids and the clothes she could pack in the car. Everything she had, she worked hard to get and she was proud of that fact. She was frugal and didn’t spend carelessly so she cherished everything she had. I had never thought of it that way and I was glad she called me on it.

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My mom was like that. She loved her stuff. She could find anything in the house, but by golly, it was HERS and there was no one going to take that away from her. She kept shoeboxes full of ballpoint pens that didn’t write. Cartons of cleaned baby food jars with lids. Drawers of disposables from fast food restaurants…plastic cutlery, napkins, salt and pepper packets, ketchup/mustard/horsey sauce, straws, the little plastic cups with lids that salad dressing and cole slaw came in. And who was left to clean all that up when she was gone? Moi. Me, myself, and I. I did it for her…I did it for Mr. Virgo…and if our plans come to fruition and we downsize and move…we’ll be forced to do it again.

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I know my husband doesn’t want to get rid of his stuff. He tells a story of his mom having the boys come and haul off some of his dad’s “junk” when he wasn’t there and I think that really stuck with him. He’s worked hard all his life…since he was about seven years old and his dad put him and his brother to work in the theater they owned. He deserves to have his stuff around. However…we really do need to get a handle on it. When we downsize and move to town, it’s not going to happen on its own.

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I was going to go to Marietta and hear Fran Lebowitz speak at the People’s Bank Theater for the Esbenshade Series yesterday. But as the day wore on, and I started seeing light at the end of the tunnel on this project, I elected to stay and work as Mr. FixIt was heading to the bowling alley. I get so much more work done when the house is quiet. I’m really happy with the way this is turning out and I hope it goes over well.

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?

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“But all things should be done decently and in order.”

\n1 Corinthians 14:40 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/06/we-may-need-that-someday.html", "tags": ["Downsizing","Choices","Change","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/01/a-big-shift-is-coming.html", "title": "A Big Shift is Coming", "content_html": "\n
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The First Signs of Spring

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I went to town yesterday for my appointment and to run some errands. (I lost four pounds! Yay, me!!!) Mr. FixIt and I spend more time together one-on-one than anyone I’ve ever been with. I love living life with him…the simplest things are more fun, more meaningful, just…better with him by my side. We both realize it’s important to maintain our own interests and friends as well. And invariably, when we are apart…even for a short time…we miss each other something awful.

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In less than two weeks, we’ll be commemorating the 10th angelversary of Mr. Virgo’s death. As I drove around and ran my errands yesterday, my mind wandered over how my life has changed in the last decade. There will be a lot of musings in the coming days processing yet another milestone since his loss as well as honoring who he was…to me, to his family and friends, to the world.

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I was 59 when I became a widow. I faced my 60th birthday alone…certainly not how I had envisioned it. I am a much different woman than I was the day he died. Changed by the loss itself. Changed by the awakening of my awareness that I was in this for the long haul. Changed by the realization that I was never going to get through this if I didn’t let God lead me instead of trying to slog through it on my own. It was pretty clear to me early on that I would make a terrible mess of things on my own. I am blessed that I found Mr. FixIt a few years later. Turning 70 will be a far different proposition than 60 was. A lot of that is the personal growth I’ve attained in the years since Mr. Virgo’s death.

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I got home just in time for Mr. FixIt, Jr’s arrival. He came to put the ridge vent on the roof over over the family room. My sweetie had everything laid out for him so he was done in an hour then sat and visited for a while. I was working on my laptop in the Big Red Chair and I could overhear their conversation. It was easy, gentle. It flowed with the confidence that comes from time, true love and genuine respect. I didn’t have that with my dad. Mr. Virgo didn’t have that with his children. Not all relationships are built that way. Some people are blessed with an easier time of things. Mr. FixIt is a good man. A fine husband. And a wonderful father. 

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I’m just polishing up the last details on my big project. It should be ready to launch on March 13th…the day after Mr. Virgo’s angelversary. It’s time to honor his memory with something new and fresh and hopeful. 

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Stay tuned!

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?

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“‘You’re my servant, serving on my side. I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you.’ Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.”

\nIsaiah 41:10 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-01T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/01/a-big-shift-is-coming.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/25/mother-nature-is-fickle.html", "title": "Mother Nature is Fickle", "content_html": "\n
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Windy

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It was about 72° Thursday night when I went to bed. The peepers were peeping. The wind was gusting hard and shaking the camper. And I drifted off to sleep like a baby. When I woke up yesterday morning, it was 30° and I quickly threw another blanket over me and turned on the electric blanket. 

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These are the kind of days that treat you with thermometer whiplash and make you wish Mother Nature would just make up her mind already. When I was growing up, I heard that vast spreads in ambient temperature can make you sick. I always thought it was an old wives tale. Working in medicine, we learned that it wasn’t going out with a wet head that made you sick…it was a virus that you picked up. 

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It turns out, it’s kinda sorta true. It’s not the change in temperature that makes you sick but the overall weather conditions. When it’s cold out, the air is drier. The mucus membranes in our upper airways act as a filter to catch viruses before they can get to the lungs. If those viruses hit a desert in your throat, the body can’t defend itself as well. Also, we spend more time indoors when it’s cold out and being in close proximity with others contributes to the spread of respiratory illnesses.

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When it starts warming up at this time of year, everything starts to bud and grow and the air becomes inundated with pollen. It’s a lot windier when the weather changes, so if you are sensitive to pollen and have allergies, that can lead to actually getting sick, too. So…grandma was right, and so were the doctors that taught me.

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By the time I sat down to write last night it was already down to the mid-30’s. I’m tough, and really love to sleep in the camper, but that’s pushing it…even for me. We’ve spent the winter staying on the cool side. I finally convinced Mr. FixIt that we really don’t need to keep the house so warm. It doesn’t hurt us a bit to put on a sweater and we sleep under an electric blanket anyway. Once I got him used to a cooler house at night, it wasn’t a very big stretch to keep the thermostat down in the parts of the house we aren’t using during the day.

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Now that we’ve spent this winter tolerating much cooler temperatures in the house, I’m sure we’re going to have a heck of a time adjusting to the extreme heat and humidity of July and August. Since we’re going to Colorado this summer, I think we should go during late July to early August. Colorado is much more temperate and the evenings almost always cool off into the 70’s. 

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We had a lovely day yesterday. Not a lot of work got done around here. Cooking and cleaning the kitchen is a never ending job. I made some fabulous breakfast burritos yesterday morning. Large flour tortillas filled with scrambled eggs, fried potatoes, and home-canned pinto beans, rolled and placed in a casserole dish, then covered with home canned pork green chile, shredded cheddar, and home-canned salsa. I avoided the extra phosphorus and sodium that comes with processed foods and we declared they were just as good as any you could buy in a restaurant. We basically pieced the rest of the day. The older I get, the less regimented I get with the whole three square meals a day. You would never know it by looking at my weight, but I’m focusing more on healthy nutrition, hydration, exercise, and good sleep hygiene. That makes all the difference in the world in how I feel.

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I did work on the project yesterday, but I didn’t seem to get a lot done. That’s ok…today’s another day. It’ll be chilly again so we’re liable to stay around the house today, too. I hope you are having a good weekend and your weather isn’t too tough.

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?

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“For as long as Earth lasts, planting and harvest, cold and heat, Summer and winter, day and night will never stop.””

\nGenesis 8:22 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-25T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/25/mother-nature-is-fickle.html", "tags": ["Health","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/24/what-a-gorgeous-day.html", "title": "What a Gorgeous Day!!!", "content_html": "\n
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I don’t know about you, but I have a really hard time sleeping the night before I have to get up and go someplace. I set my alarm, then I lay there and tell myself I’d better hurry up and get to sleep because if I don’t get to sleep pretty soon, I’m going to be overly tired then I might sleep through the alarm and then I keep looking at the clock…one hour…two hours…if I get to sleep right now, I’ll still get four hours and that’s doable…another hour…God, I’m giving this to you…(not really…I can’t stop looking at the clock)…so, if I go to sleep right this minute, I’ll get two whole hours of sleep…that’s better than nothing, I can do this…ALARM!!!! Are you KIDDING me??? I just went to sleep!!!!!

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Anybody? It can’t just be me.

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Anyway, I got up and showered and out the door in record time and arrived at the doctor’s office with enough time to check my emails before I went in. I really liked the doctor. I was basically just getting established in case my parathyroid issues rise up again. The good news is, I no longer have Primary Hyperparathyroidism! The surgery worked. I do however have to reduce my phosphorus intake. Mine’s a little elevated and that can make some of the other numbers go wacky. Overall, pretty good news!

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The weather was stellar yesterday. It was 75° with big puffy white clouds in a gorgeous blue sky. I drove around with the sunroof and the windows open and breathed in all that fresh air. I went to my new hairdresser and she could not believe how fast my hair has grown. I’ve been using a shampoo I bought in the shop and it’s growing out really healthy. A little yellowed at the ends so I’m going to try a purple shampoo once a week to see if it corrects. 

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One of the highlights of my day was having lunch at Panera. A huge salad (this was before I found out that leafy greens are high in phosphorus!) and a large Diet Coke (another no-no!) So, what can you do? You do the best you can, right?

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I had a Zoom meeting then went on the hunt for something Mr. FixIt needs for his woodworking project. Of course, they are phasing out exactly what he wanted so we have to travel about 37 miles each way to find it. I understand…when I want a specific product, I want what I want. I can’t begrudge him the same thing.

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As I drove home from town yesterday, there were flowering trees actually blooming! This is WAY too early for that. The climate is changing faster and faster and it’s troublesome. The fierce snowstorms this week are crazy. I mean…a blizzard just outside of Los Angeles? Nuts!

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The clouds looked downright angelic last night. It was still in the 70’s!

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I hope you all are faring well out there. Please be safe and take good care of each other! Our temps take a nosedive today with a high of 47° and a low of 29°. Big difference from yesterday.

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?

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“He makes springs pour water into the ravines; it flows between the mountains.”

\nPsalms 104:10 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/24/what-a-gorgeous-day.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/17/christmas-is-finally-over.html", "title": "Christmas is Finally Over", "content_html": "\n
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I hate giving up on the twinkle lights. But something had to give. The ornaments and tree were getting dusty. It had been ages since I really took notice of the tree. I need to wash the big picture window the tree sits in. The carpet needs cleaned in the family room. And I was two days past my cutoff of Valentine’s Day. It was time. 

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After sleeping in the camper Wednesday night, I came in bright and early yesterday morning because the rain was starting around 8:00. I didn’t want to tote all my stuff in and risk getting my iPad wet. I put the kettle on for tea and tiptoed down the hall to see if Mr. FixIt was awake yet. It didn’t appear he was, so I fixed my tea, toasted a bagel, and went in to the Big Red Chair to start working on my project. 

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When Mr. FixIt hadn’t made his entrance by 10:00, I went looking for him. Try as I might, I still walk down that hall with trepidation when I think he should be up already. He understands that and tries not to worry me, but if he’s asleep, he doesn’t have a lot of control over that. When I peeked in the door this time, there he was with a great big smile on his face and I was ready for my morning hug!

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We were soon up and at ‘em because there was a lot to do. The rain started so Mr. FixIt got back to work with the carpet shampooer. He needs to get more moulding and that has to wait till the rain has passed. I worked on the project then he brought the Christmas totes up. He snoozed a little while I took down the ornaments and carefully wrapped them. We weren’t quite finished when it was time to start supper.

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The Pasta Primavera was such a hit last time, we’ve decided we’ll be putting that on the menu rotation. It is a little time consuming so I’m hoping after awhile it will go quicker. It is so tasty though and we have enough left over to tomorrow’s supper. I love having enough cooked that I don’t have to make a meal every day. 

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After supper, I sat down with Mr. FixIt to watch the news. The tree stood dark in the window and I wonder to myself if the children down the road will notice it’s gone when their parents drive them past. They’re such sweet little things and they love Christmas so much! I think I’ll bake some cookies soon and take some over.

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So much to do in the coming weeks. I can’t really afford to dink around a whole lot or I’ll be WAY behind. My goal is to have this project ready by the middle of March, then I can move on to other things that need doing. And, before you know it…it’ll be time to start mowing again! Isn’t that crazy???

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It is awfully nice to hear the rain on the roof…even if it’s asphalt shingles and not an old-fashioned tin roof like the farm. It would be a little louder in the camper, but it’s a rubber roof. Still not the same. I’m bound to get back out to the farm again in the next couple of weeks. Here it is, Friday again. Do you all have something planned for your weekend? I hope you are all safe from the impending storms! I know this scripture is a little early, but it paints such a lovely picture, doesn’t it?

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?

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“Fear not, Earth! Be glad and celebrate! God has done great things. Fear not, wild animals! The fields and meadows are greening up. The trees are bearing fruit again: a bumper crop of fig trees and vines! Children of Zion, celebrate! Be glad in your God. He’s giving you a teacher to train you how to live right— Teaching, like rain out of heaven, showers of words to refresh and nourish your soul, just as he used to do. And plenty of food for your body—silos full of grain, casks of wine and barrels of olive oil. * * *”

\nJoel 2:21-24 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/17/christmas-is-finally-over.html", "tags": ["Change","Farm Life","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/04/its-time-to-get-serious.html", "title": "It’s Time to Get Serious Here", "content_html": "\n
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I need to lose weight. Oh, it’s not for the weddings in May and June. It’s not to fit into something pretty or to look better in my jeans. Frankly, I haven’t worn jeans since the pandemic started. That’s how I got into this pickle. When you wear stretchy pants, you have a lot of room to grow into. Jeans will remind you when you’ve been hitting the pizza particularly hard.

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No, I just want to lose weight so I feel better. So I’ll have more energy. So I can keep doing the things I want to do. Because if I don’t, I’m going to have to give up hauling a camper cross country a lot sooner than I’d like. You truly do have to “use it or lose it.” I’m far to young to give up on the fun part of life!

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I have found it a lot easier if you have a health conscious buddy that you can partner with who  wants to achieve the same goals. You can encourage each other and keep each other accountable. And most definitely cheer each other on. It takes a lot of cheerleading to accomplish weight lost. The rewards are tremendous.

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I wish I could lose weight as easily as most men do. If a man wants to lose weight, he cuts out that extras slice and maybe only takes one pastry with his coffee at the office and he can drop a ton in no time. A woman? Not so much. I can get fat on air. When I grab that slice of cake, my inner dialog all to often vacillates between, “Go ahead…you deserve it!” to “Oh, who are you kidding…you might as well smear it on you butt because it’s going to go there anyway!”

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These types of self-destructive conversations foil my efforts far too often. I’m not ugly with myself. I don’t call myself names. I just love to cook…and I love to eat. But, I’m at a point now where I can’t keep fooling myself that it doesn’t matter. It’s time…PAST time…to get the ball rolling and try some healthier habits.

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I’ve been making some small changes over the last few months. I’ve almost cut out diet soda completely. I have cut out coffee and caffeine. If I want a sweet, I have it without guilting myself. I just have a smaller piece and stay away from seconds. I’ve started eating a small yogurt every night that has probiotics in it. I sprinkle some low sugar, high protein granola over it. That is just as satisfying as a bowl of ice cream…something I haven’t had for nearly a year.

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We are breakfast eaters, so I’ll pull one of those sausage patties I made last weekend out of the freezer, fry an egg in a nonstick pan, sprinkle a tablespoon of shredded cheese on it and sandwich it between slices of lo-cal bread. It’s very filling and lasts me till late afternoon when we eat supper. That’s not all that bad. 

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It’s supper that gives me trouble. I love pasta dishes and red meat and pork roasts and baked potatoes. We don’t have nearly enough fruits and vegetables with our meals. This is where I need to get busy and make some changes. We never go to dinner in restaurants. We seldom eat fast food and when we do, it’s usually Wendy’s where I eat a salad and Mr. FixIt has a baked potato with chili over it.

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Back in 2016, I worked with a trainer and lost a lot of weight and got really fit. I don’t know that I can walk the Quincy Hill steps like I did back then. That was really hard on my knees. I CAN get out and walk every day…I just have to make the first steps. Then the second. And before I know it, things with progress in the direction I want to go. 

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If you want to end up in a different place, you have to stop taking the same old road.

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It’s time.

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?

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“….Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.”

\n1 Corinthians 6:19-20 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-04T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/04/its-time-to-get-serious.html", "tags": ["Health","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/01/16/a-time-of-rest-and.html", "title": "A Time of Rest and Reflection", "content_html": "\n
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I read the other day that the most depressing day of the year is January 16th. Their reasoning is, it’s dark and cold, the holiday fun is over, but the bills for that fun are coming in. If I can’t pay cash for it, I don’t buy it unless it’s something emergent, so I don’t have increased bills coming in mid-January. Still, I can see where they’re coming from. I think that’s one reason we leave our lights up till Valentine’s Day.

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I’ve noticed huge changes in my demeanor the last couple of months. My PCP added two new meds…one for my anxiety and the other to help me sleep…(neither are habit forming) and they are working splendidly. Now that I’m not so anxious all the time and the quantity and quality of my sleep has improved, I have much more energy and creativity. I have so many great ideas and I’m excited about implementing them. 

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It all centers around the tenth “angelversary” of Mr. Virgo’s death. It’s a monumental stop on this path and marks a change in my thinking. I survived something I felt I couldn’t. Not only have I survived, I turned my pain into purpose and purpose into a platform. I’m feeling that same metamorphosis coming on and this time it’s exciting.

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Yesterday was God’s day and we headed into it with no real plans. We had an hourlong video chat with my “in-loves” (the new term I’ve learned referring to my son-in-law’s parents.) Even though it was still quite cold, the sun was beckoning us to go DO something. We drove to town to get a Popeye’s chicken sandwich…my FAVORITE fast food. (Next comes Arby’s, though I don’t know why. I’m not totally sure it’s real meat, but it sure tastes good!) Then we went through the car wash, toweled it all down, vacuumed, and cleaned the interior. Once we were finished, we took our shiny car to one of the grandkid’s house to see the birthday boy since we missed his 3rd Birthday party on Saturday. Thankfully, Pumpkin Kitty was perfectly normal yesterday and we put her in the building before we left!

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It was a perfect day of rest. I spoke with my brother and with my Uncle Bud on the phone. And now I’m ready to face a busy week with enthusiasm and gratitude!

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?

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“Don’t just do what you have to do to get by, but work heartily, as Christ’s servants doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who happens to be giving the orders, you’re really serving God. Good work will get you good pay from the Master, regardless of whether you are slave or free.”

\nEphesians 6:5-8 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-01-16T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/01/16/a-time-of-rest-and.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/01/14/calling-all-butterflies.html", "title": "Calling All Butterflies!", "content_html": "\n
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I stumbled across this meme the other day and knew I needed to use it in one of my blog posts. It’s true…if you chase after butterflies, they’ll fly away. But if you build a beautiful Butterfly Garden, the butterflies come to you. Attract what you want…don’t chase it.

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This was a big a-hah moment for me. For years, I’ve been chasing success. What is success in the blogosphere? Well, some would say the number of followers you have. That’s part of it. Some would say a good indication of success is financial. That’s true, too. Doing something you love while helping people is a HUGE part of it. For me…my primary goal is to spread the light God so generously gave me with others. To help them navigate the rough bumps in the road of life. To let people know they are not alone.

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But that finance thing…that’s important, too. We’re at that point in life where we are depending on a pretty fixed income and who knows how long even that will be around given the current political climate. So, diversifying and planning for any scenario has become important to me. I’ve set goals for 2023. I sat down the first week of the year and wrote out my list of things I wanted to try to monetize my blog.

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I don’t want to have advertisers if I don’t have to. I would rather use my own wits and skills to generate income. That was the goal when I started Marshmallow Ranch ten years ago…to supplement our income with things I could sell. In those ten years, many possible avenues for a little “side hustle” have been introduced and I’ve decided to try one of them.

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Quite often, I share a helpful or unique product I think you might like. I put a link in the post so you can go see it. Most often it’s something offered through Amazon. Whether we are fans or not of the big boxes with the smiles, they are hear to stay. And for Mr. FixIt and me, they are a lifesaver. We live way out in the country and with the price of gas and the wear and tear on the car and tires, we’ve chosen to utilize Amazon Prime and shop online as opposed to shopping the big box stores in town twenty-five miles away.

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I’ll let you in on part of my new project. I’ve enrolled in the Amazon Affiliate Program. This means if you buy one of the items that I share a link for, I will get anywhere from 2-20% of the price of the item. That’s not a ton, but here’s where it really helps. If you purchase one of my recommended items, then go on shopping and buying what you were going to buy anyway…I get the same percentage of that purchase, too. The beauty of this is…it does not raise the price of the items and there is nothing out of your pocket. It’s a win-win situation and if I work at it, there can be some good income for me.

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There’s more to reveal in March when I have all my ducks in a row, but for this…there is a tiny bit of a time crunch. I need to have some some qualified sales in the next 180 days in order to be accepted in the program. And that’s where I could use your help. If you see something you like and wish to buy, you can click the link on my post and buy the item yourself. Or, you could copy and paste the link and share it with someone you know who might be in the market for such things.

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I’ve prayed a lot about this and for some reason I’ve had a huge burst of joy and energy over the project I’m building. When I feel that, I know I’m heading in the right direction and this could be a factor in my success. I won’t spam you about items. Whatever I recommend will be treated the same way as I always have in the past. Thank you so much for always continuing to love and support me on this incredible journey I’ve been on. 

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Like I said, March 12th will mark TEN years since Mr. Virgo died. This is the first time I’ve headed into that anniversary with anything but sadness. This time, I’m heading in with a sense of sober recognition and hopeful anticipation for building something great these last however many chapters there are of a well lived life. I’m turning 70 in June. The best is yet to be!

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?

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“I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”

\nJeremiah 29:11 MSG\n
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There was a time when I looked forward to the New Year with great anticipation. I dared it to be the biggest, best, most bad@$$ year in the books. “Bring it on!” I’d shout in my end-of-the-year, Christmas-cookie-and-eggnog-induced stupor. Looking back…I don’t know what on EARTH I thought I was doing talking to a new year like that.

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Things are different now. I’ve learned to approach a new year with quiet respect. Like tiptoeing in to check on the baby as she naps, I’m more likely to peek around the corner and whisper in hushed tones. I don’t trust the New Year anymore. I don’t make sudden movements for fear of setting something off that’s likely to snowball out of control. I want the New Year to slip in quietly on kitten feet, sit down, and shut the heck up till I get an idea what it’s up to.

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I’m not the only one. I’m hearing it everywhere. 

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“For the love of God, just give me a year with some semblance of normalcy!”

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As my friend, Kate puts it, “If there was a fabric that 2023 should be it would be soft-as-snow linen. Crisp from the sun, fresh smelling with a hint of lavender. I just crave soft, old, gentle, and calm. Literally, that’s it to my core.”

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Finally…after being the social pariah for, like, forever…mental health is standing up and screaming, “LOOK AT ME!!!” It’s about darned time, too. You cannot sweep mental health issues under the rug and expect to maintain the status quo in society. People have had it up to here with all the repetitive trauma we’ve been subjected to the last few years.

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So, this is where we are. It’s ok to not be completely ok. It’s ok to look at the new year with a little trepidation while still hoping for the best. This collective grieving we’ve been doing as a nation is taking its toll and it’s time for a change now. If your brother was struggling, you’d check in on him more often. If your sister wasn’t leaving her house for weeks at a time, you’d call and check in. If anyone we cared about were hurting, we’d do whatever we could to try to make things better.

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So, why is it so hard to do for people we DON’T know? Why is it even harder to do for people we don’t LIKE? There is only one way to effect big change in the world and that’s to effect small change in our corner of it. Here are some of the ways I intend to create change in the world in the coming New Year.

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  1. Pray
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  2. Smile
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  3. Care
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  4. Greet
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  5. Share
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  6. Learn
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  7. Grow
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  8. Feed
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  9. Support
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  10. Love
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  11. Hug
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  12. Donate
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  13. Teach
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  14. Paint
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  15. Listen
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  16. Compromise
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  17. Tolerate
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  18. Meet
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  19. Explore
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  20. HOPE!
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I will not lose hope, no matter how hopeless things look. Emily Dickinson said, “Hope” is the thing with feathers - that perches in the soul - and sings the tune without the words - and never stops - at all.

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I read somewhere the other day that said something to the effect that hope does not have feathers. It’s bloody and raw and fights with claws out and fangs bared. That’s a huge paraphrase, but you get the point. We don’t get through the rough spots of life on pictures of fluffy kittens and songs like Kumbaya. Hope is a sign of fierce bravery. One who hopes must learn to fight for the spoils of the battle between good and evil.

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Because, iykyk…if you know, you know. 

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Good WILL win.

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Good has already WON!

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But that doesn’t mean we can become complacent. We still have to suit up and show up and put one foot in front of the other and BE THE LIGHT! 

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BE THE CHANGE! 

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Always, alway, always look for the good people. And if you can’t find one…BE ONE!

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That’s my treatise on the New Year. My word for 2023 will be CHANGE. Not because I want any more change in the world, but because there already has been so much. We’ve been led astray by nonsensical fallacies that need to be laid to rest. We need to stop pointing fingers and start holding hands. We need to stand up and be brave and help each other through the next few years till we can reach a new level of enlightenment. A place where we can truly live as Jesus lived…by loving everyone unconditionally.

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Happy New Year, my friends! May we all be blessed with every gift God has for us with our names on them. I’m taking a few days off at the end of the year. We’re having two big family gatherings in the coming days and I want to be present for them. I’ll post some things ahead of time so you have something to read with your coffee and I’ll be back on board this crazy ship on Monday. 

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Stay safe, walk strong, and NEVER LOSE HOPE!

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Love, 

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Ginny

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?

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“This is God’s Word on the subject: ….. “I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”

\nJeremiah 29:10-11 MSG\n
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I used to think that “go with the flow” meant to be flexible…to have the ability to change on a dime and head in a different direction. That’s part of it, to be sure. But, I think it’s much more than just adapting to change. I think there is a current in life. A current of energies. Light and dark. And, I think we can plug into one or the other cognitively…purposefully. 

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When I am in tune with God’s will, I’m surfing the flow of light energy. It’s where enlightenment lives. It’s where intuition is like a gong being struck by the mighty hammer of the Holy Spirit. He doesn’t always show up in whispers. Sometimes He knocks you up the side of the head to get your attention and speaks in a loud voice.

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I can always tell when I’m even two degrees off course. I get foggy, lazy…tempted. Tempted to overeat, oversleep, overspend. It’s not a good direction to take and I know from past experience, it doesn’t lead anywhere I am interested in going. So, I make corrections in my path. I put God first and foremost in front of me and keep Him in the center of everything.

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I know when I am in “The Flow.” It’s when things are easier…lighter. It just feels like there’s a higher energy to everything. When it’s there and unmistakable, it’s a high like no other. However, what happens when you feel like you aren’t going in the direction you need to go and you can’t seem to change course? Those are really difficult times to go through and it’s easy to get down on yourself.

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I’ve learned a lot of lessons in my nearly seventy years. Probably the most important lesson I’ve ever learned is to show myself some compassion. We are often quick to offer compassion and empathy to others when they are struggling, but we hang ourselves out to dry on a regular basis. We can be so mean and ugly to ourselves when we aren’t getting it right.

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It really helps to know NO ONE gets it right. Oh, we can have fleeting episodes of what feels like greatness, but sustained “rightness” is next to impossible to attain. Showing some gentle compassion and forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. To say, “I may have botched this one up, but that’s ok. Everyone messes up at one time or another and this just wasn’t my day. I’ll try again tomorrow.”

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That’s an honorable way to live. To admit we aren’t perfect and neither is anyone else. When we can humbly admit our own faults, it allows us to take the log out of our own eye in order to help our neighbors with the speck in theirs. I think a lot of people have become confused. They’ve been convinced that their way is the ONLY way and that if others do not live their way, or believe their way, or look their way then they’re wrong. Bad. Evil.

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This kind of thinking is separating us and I truly believe it has been done by design. There are foreign powers who are taking an entirely different approach to war. They’ve discovered how to create an environment of infighting that is creating havoc in the world. Intentionally. They know…without a shadow of a doubt…that divided we will fall and they don’t have to fire a shot to defeat us.

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The enemy comes in myriad forms and he wants nothing more that to create chaos and hatred toward our fellow man. Then he sits back and laughs and watches us implode. We can change the world by changing our little corner of it. We can get back into the flow of goodness and light and beat back the darkness that threatens to overpower us. We just have to have the right ammunition. And what is that ammo, you ask?

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Love.

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The Bible tells us to love our enemies. It tells us to judge not lest we be judged. It says we need to love others as we love ourselves. Always, always, always it says to love. LOVE. Even when you don’t want to. Even when it seems impossible to. When I was going through a terribly painful divorce, I spent an inordinate amount of time sending daggers towards Hubby #2. I had hate in my heart and anger. SO much anger. 

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In the Netflix documentary, Stutz, Jonah Hill’s therapist tells him to close his eyes and picture the entire expanse of the universe filled to the brim with nothing but love. Love everywhere…in every space…in every thought. Start gathering every bit of that love and shoving it deep in your heart till it’s bursting at the seams. Then, concentrate on your “enemy” and shoot every ounce of that love straight into the heart of the one you’re hating on.

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I practiced this when I got tired of getting sick from the poison I was trying to send to my ex. I started praying deeply and fervently for him. My prayers changed from “Lord, remove this burden of hate from me” to “Lord, I’m sending every ounce of love I have to this man. Please fill him with love and success and health and good fortune. Let him be happy….truly, truly happy.”

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The results weren’t instantaneous. But before long, things started happening. I didn’t feel hatred toward him anymore. I felt compassion. I found I was the one becoming happy. And I found myself back to being in the flow with a current of light and positivity. We have to make course corrections all the time in this life. That’s how we grow and evolve. And without that, we cannot move forward and heal and neither will anyone else. 

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In order to heal others, we have to heal ourselves.

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?

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”

\nProverbs 3:5-8 ESV\n
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I’m sliding into seventy years on this earth. That’s a monumental milestone that is looming in my not to distant future. Six and a half months, to be exact. And, like I’ve done every other time I face a milestone, I’ve been getting quiet and introspective. In that introspection, I’ve been feeling a new awakening. A momentary clarity that shakes things up and makes me think…makes me ask questions. 

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Am I being true to myself?

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Am I on my path?

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Will I complete my purpose in the short time I have left?

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I mean, let’s be honest here…I have a lot more years behind me than I have in front. The end doesn’t scare me necessarily. I’m not in a hurry for it to get here, by any means…but, I’m not afraid. If there is any fear at all, it’s that I won’t finish what I came here to do….whatever that is.

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I haven’t read much since Mr. Virgo died. I read the Bible. I read short stories like the news and current events and feel good things. But to sit down and read a book cover-to-cover…I haven’t done that in years. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t have the patience, or if I’m afraid of what I’ll discover about myself. Whatever it is, books…other people’s writings…haven’t really held my interest for a long time. 

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I have a dear friend starting her third year of widowhood. She’s just heading into that year of self-discovery…of great personal growth…of figuring a lot of things out. I marvel her tenacity and strength. She’s a lot younger than I was at her point on the road. We were talking a couple of weeks ago. She went on a sabbatical in the desert southwest and took every tool she had with her. She told me she discovered a book that shook her to her core and I really needed to read it.

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It’s a collection of lessons from many of today’s notable figures from various schools of thought…curated by Oprah Winfrey. People seem to either love Oprah or…not. Personally, I love her. I love her insights in the human condition. She asks the questions that interest me. She is well spoken, well educated, and has experienced enough hard knocks in life to soften her edges. I appreciate her for the work she does in the world. So, I ordered the book.

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The Path Made Clear takes the reader into a series of “rooms” where sets of life lessons are presented. Each room covers a point on the path we all must walk in this life…from the “Seeds” of our early awakening to coming “Home.” I’ve been savoring it slowly, like someone sipping a 50 year old scotch…letting the richness and fullness of the spirit wash through me. It’s the first book I’ve been able to fully absorb and I’m loving it.

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I feel as though my spirit has been dormant for a while…like I needed a break from “seeking” anything deeper than mowing the lawn and baking sourdough. My psyche needed a break…a place of rest that I have found with my dear Mr. FixIt. I’m feeling the stirrings of growth again. It’s hard to explain but it feels like a new phase of healing. I lost one of my dearest friends in the world on December 13th of last year. Maybe I’m just coming out of another fog of grief. Whatever it is, it seems ripe with potential.

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We are faced with an entire week with nothing more on the schedule than the internet guy coming on Friday to check our service. I spent the day yesterday reading quietly with my headphones on, listening to a crackling fireplace. I took a break in the afternoon and made a couple of homemade turkey pot pies that are SO delicious. I knitted a little…I need to get this sweater completed so I can get back to the wedding quilt. I placed an order for some Christmas gifts. I’m sleeping better and eating better. I’m just….happy and content to see what’s coming our way as my sixties slip through the hourglass. 

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I feel hopeful and that’s a lovely place to be.

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?

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“They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.”

\n1 Timothy 6:18-19 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-29T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/29/lifes-cycles.html", "tags": ["Growth","Courage","Change","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/11/28/self-care-isnt-selfish.html", "title": "Self Care Isn’t Selfish", "content_html": "\n
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Actor Jonah Hill interviews his therapist, psychiatrist Phil Stutz in this touching and eye-opening documentary on Netflix…Stutz.

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Last week I had a moment. I was burning the candle at both ends, running on little sleep, and trying to put on a memorable Thanksgiving Extravaganza. Then I hit the wall on Thursday and, even though there was SO much left to be done for Friday’s gathering, I gave myself permission to crawl back in my bed, pull the cozy covers up to my ears, and drift off for a few more hours of much needed rest. I sacrificed the extra baking by asking Mr. FixIt to stop on his way home from town and buy readymade pies. I knew the rest would get done and if it didn’t…it certainly wasn’t the end of the world. As it turned out, everything came together at precisely the right moment and came off without a hitch.

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Self care isn’t selfish. It’s imperative that we take care of our health…physical, spiritual, and mental. Without it, there is no moving forward. If there is anything good to have come out of the pandemic, it is an increased awareness of mental health struggles. I think we all can watch the news and social media interactions and see a great number of people aren’t at their best right now. It’s frankly a little scary to see systems we always trusted to run somewhat smoothly break down in the most unexpected ways.

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The people we have in our lives are there for a reason. There is a lot of truth to the adage that people are put in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Some just come to share information. Some are there to teach us lessons. The ones I find most valuable to me are the ones who hold up a mirror and reflect back to me who I am in any given moment. We change, we grow, we move on. But sometimes, we remain stuck, trying to change the outcome of something which is futile. The past is unchangeable. It’s what we do with the information and the lessons that propel us forward that count most.

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Hubby #2 and I went through a lot. We both had wounds that we recognized in each other. In our naïveté, we came together thinking we would heal each other and be together for the rest of our lives. That isn’t how it worked out. And there was a terrible amount of angst involved in the unraveling. I sank into a deep clinical depression and for a variety of reasons, was nearly doctored to death trying to come out of it. It took a long, l-o-n-g time for both of us to evolve enough to have deep conversations. I cannot speak for him, but for me, it offered the healing I longed for but just couldn’t reach while we were together.

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A week or so ago, Hubby #2 sent me a message and recommended I watch a documentary on Netflix called Stutz. It’s directed by the actor, Jonah Hill and is about his therapist, Dr. Phil Stutz. This is groundbreaking. For a therapist to allow himself to be so vulnerable as to open up the way he did in front of the camera was remarkable. It demonstrated the profound trust the two of them have for one another. Jonah extols the virtues of Dr. Stutz’s teachings and credits the tools he learned in therapy for saving his life.

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When I lost Mr. Virgo, I got through it…perhaps easier is not the right word. It’s more like I had been through such a terrible loss at the end of my marriage, the resultant therapy facilitated a grief journey I was much better prepared for. Had it happened the other way around, I am fairly certain I would not have survived my husband’s death. I had a lot more tools in my toolbox. But nothing quite so well articulated as the tools Dr. Stutz taught Jonah.

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I decided to wait till after Thanksgiving to watch Stutz. And, I preferred to watch it alone. I knew it would stir up lots of memories and feelings and I wanted to process that without having to share it in front of Mr. FixIt. There are private moments of grief that we don’t necessarily need to share with anyone else. That’s ok. As I waited for the right moment, I wondered if Dr. Stutz had written a book. I checked online and, indeed he did. He wrote a book with Barry Michels called The Tools…5 tools to help you find courage, creativity, and willpower and inspire you to live life in forward motion. I immediately ordered it and it arrived the day before Thanksgiving.

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Mr. FixIt went to town last night to hang with his bowling buddies and I knew it was my moment to watch the film. I was entranced. I stopped, rewound, paused to reflect, and started again. The 90+ minute film took me nearly three hours to get through. I want to watch it again…at least once…before I delve into the book. I absorbed a lot of it, but the biggest takeaway was this. 

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No one gets it right. The whole of life is a process and you will mess it up royally, but that doesn’t matter as much as simply learning to move forward through it.

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These are difficult times we’re in right now. Empathy and compassion seem to be in short supply these days and any tools we can find to help us navigate the rough waters of life are blessings. I picture a world where the tools spread from one person to another to make a great wave of healing. Yes…God is the ultimate physician and God can heal us of anything and everything. And…God can touch the minds of brilliant people and inspire them to great insights into the human condition that can help people cope. That’s what I felt in this film…because it came from a place of pure, authentic love and respect.

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If you get a chance, do give it a watch. There are a few coarse words in the conversations between Jonah and Stutz, but it doesn’t take away from the message overall. I’ll let you know what I think of the book when I get through it. In the meantime, remember…take care of yourselves. And each other.

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?

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“Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, ‘Here I am.’ If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.”

\nIsaiah 58:12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/28/self-care-isnt-selfish.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Change","Healing","Anxiety","Mental Health"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/11/07/let-it-rain-peace.html", "title": "Let it Rain Peace", "content_html": "\n
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Hopefully today is the day the fellas get started on the roof. I’m not the one in charge of that particular chore, so I don’t know all the ins and outs. My job is to keep them fed and have bandaids ready…just in case. Mr. FixIt and I have totally different ways of approaching jobs that need to be done. He puts a whole lot of time and effort into the thinking about how we’re going to do it. Not me. I decide to do something and by golly you better get out of my way because I’m starting it…NOW.

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Ok, I know his way is better than mine. I always end up having to stop and do things over because I didn’t think it through. And, truth be told…Mr. FixIt knows what he’s doing so I really should just back off and leave him to his own devices. I’m better at the support staff stuff until it gets to the place where I’m the only one left to do things. So, I watch and learn and take notes because you never know when that’s going to happen.

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Thank goodness we had a really lay low day yesterday. Other than Mr. FixIt putting the belt back on the mower deck and bowling for his buddy, Harry…we didn’t do a thing. Well, I cleaned the kitchen and made a nice breakfast and fed him before he left. And I worked on balancing my checkbook. And I knitted a little. I’m at that place on the sweater where I just want to get it done so I can move on and do other things. I’ve made a commitment to finish projects before I start another one. One of the hardest things to ever ask a Gemini to do.

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And then there’s the time change. Ugh! I am not a fan of the world getting dark at 5:00. That being said, there’s a really pretty moon tonight and it will be full tomorrow night. We’ve had fabulous warm weather the last week. I’m “field camping” and I didn’t even have to turn the electric blanket on, which is really nice for this time of year. 

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This might be a rough week for some. Let’s all remember to be good humans and good citizens. Let’s practice what our grandma’s taught us about manners…about being gracious winners and losers. Let’s get back to working for the betterment of mankind…ALL of mankind. Let’s rise up and be good and faithful servants. Let’s show our good character. Let’s ask ourselves…WWJD? Then DO that. 

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Kindness matters and Lord knows….this world is ACHING for more kindness. We can do better! We MUST do better! I don’t know about you, but all this hatred and anger is breaking my heart. I long for a time with less angst. I long for peace. That’s why I seek God’s peace. It is above and beyond my understanding.

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Pray for peace.

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Be the change you want to see in the world. 

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?

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“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.”

\n2 Thessalonians 3:16 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-07T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/07/let-it-rain-peace.html", "tags": ["Peace","Change","Kindness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/11/01/we-are-between.html", "title": "We are “Between”", "content_html": "\n
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I had the tatas smashed yesterday…October was National Breast Cancer Awareness Month so I always try to get my mammogram done that month. Unfortunately, yesterday was the last day that will happen in October because Medicare makes you wait a year and a day after your last one…and that was yesterday. Now, I’m out of October days for the future. This time was a lot easier and less painful, for some reason. I was in and out of there in fifteen minutes.

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Since I was so close to the bridge over to Belpre, I made a trip to my favorite Kroger store. We usually purchase a few items at a time…once or twice a week. This time I had to do a big purchase spree and restock some basics so that’s always a little more pricey. I’m really careful when I shop these days and I watch for coupons in the app of the store I’m in. I was pretty surprised it wasn’t much more expensive than usual. Fortunately, other than bread and milk, we shouldn’t have to go to the store for a while. I bought pecans and buttermilk to make pralines! More on that when I get the time to make some.

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While I was at the store, I bought a bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups on the off chance that we would have Trick or Treaters. I’ve lived here for five years now, and we’ve never had a single one. So…we have candy! I remember so many Halloweens…Trick or Treating with my friends. Getting a popcorn ball or a candy apple. Getting full sized Snickers or Three Musketeers bars. Learning if you take a pillowcase, it holds a lot more candy than that little plastic pumpkin we used to carry. 

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My most memorable Halloween was around fourth or fifth grade. I had chicken pox so I couldn’t go out with my friends. I was allowed to lay on the couch and look at the kids in their costumes. Nothing like exposing the entire neighborhood to a contagious disease, right? Most people didn’t understand contagion back then, either.

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When my kids were little, Hubby #2 took them out to do the rounds of the neighborhood while I stayed home and handed out candy. When Daughter #1 was little, we bought her a Wonder Woman costume. It was the late ‘70s. The costume was plastic. It’s always cold in Colorado this time of year. By the time they got back home, her costume was hanging in shreds and my daughter was in tears. Turns out, it was SO cold her costume literally broke into pieces. It was pretty traumatic.

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And so…it’s November. I’ll be decorating for Christmas soon. I love the lights and the festive atmosphere. It brings joy and light into the dreary darkness. I used to wait till after Thanksgiving, but…you know what? The heck with that! Life is short…and times are uncertain. I need a little Baby Jesus energy around me. It doesn’t dilute any holiday to expand it and make it bigger.

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I remember growing up…my dad would pile us into the Oldsmobile just a few days before Christmas and take us to the neighborhood tree lot. Dad would walk around and look and shake every tree till he found the perfect one. He’s make the guy pick it up and stomp it down on its trunk to make sure the needles weren’t falling off. Then he’d start the dickering. I remember one time he got a tree for $2.50 but they were usually at least $5.

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The most disappointing thing came when he made us take the tree down just a day or two after Christmas. My friends had their trees up for weeks…but not us. Now I’m the boss of me…and if I want the tree up for three months, by golly losing Mr. Virgo and living through the lockdown has shown me that’s just fine!

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This is the cusp of winter. As I lay here writing this, I can hear the crickets outside the window here on Marshmallow Ranch. When I drove home from down with a trunk full of groceries yesterday, a rain shower had left the road dark and glistening in the sunlight that broke through the clouds. The last of the changing leaves glowed deep copper, brilliant scarlet, rusty brown. I remember walking through the leaves on my way to school as a little girl…my shoes going swoosh-swoosh-swoosh with every step. We’re in a kind of limbo now…holding our breath for the time change and the onslaught of winter’s greeting. That time when the birds start fighting over the feeders and cat’s coat starts getting a little thicker. When the crickets try desperately to cling to their last few nights of raucous love songs before they’re silenced by the northern winds.

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The nether-lands of “between”…waiting.

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?

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“but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”

\nIsaiah 40:31 ESV \n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/01/we-are-between.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/10/16/a-super-sunny-saturday.html", "title": "A Super Sunny Saturday", "content_html": "\n
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Taking a break for a s’more!

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Friday night was the first night I’ve slept in the house in a month. Our little home on wheels has beckoned me to “camp” in our field under a canopy of stars…even when the temperatures hovered near freezing. The only time I can talk Mr. FixIt into sleeping in the camper with me is when we are actually…you know…CAMPING. At a campground. I don’t blame him. He has a bad back and the mattress in the camper is brutal. However, now he has no excuse!

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The new mattress is here!

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After opening up the box and following the directions to allow the mattress to open up and restore its original shape, we had to leave it alone for 24 hours. I went out yesterday to dress the bed and clean the camper to get it ready for the last few days we’ll have the chance to sleep out here. Mr. FixIt promised he would come out here to sleep last night. It will give him a chance to try out the new mattress and see what he thinks of it.

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It was sunny and warm yesterday. After I got the camper cleaned up, I stretched out on the bed to try out the mattress myself. I think I’m going to like it! The sun was shining in the big curbside window and it was so warm and cozy in there. I was just about to doze off when Mr. FixIt called and wanted to know if I’d like to go out for pizza. Oh, heck yeah! I love when he “asks me out.” One should never stop dating their life partner. I want him to always know I’d choose him over and over and over again and he feels the same way.

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We went for a little detour on our way home and caught some great views. Unfortunately, there was quite a bit of traffic on that little two-lane because of a Harvest Festival at the fair grounds so I couldn’t really stop to take pictures save for this beautiful white-faced bull. If we’d had jackets with us, we might have stopped to see what was going on at the fairgrounds, but it was getting pretty chilly. We came home instead.

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We saw this big handsome fella while we were driving out the backroads last evening.

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As I was laying here writing this, a lovely barred owl started calling in the sycamore trees along the hedgerow. I love their vocalizations. 

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“Who-cooks-for-you? Who-cooks-for-yooooooou?” 

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The other night we were driving home and a whippoorwill flew right out in front of me. I was so sure I hit it and it just made me sick. They are becoming more and more rare in our area. It saddened me to think I may have hurt it. 

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I saw a “wooly worm” in the field yesterday afternoon. Old wives tales say their coloration predicts the severity of the winter ahead. Allegedly, the more black there is, the worse the winter is supposed to be. This little guy said “Winter will come in like a lion and out like a lamb.” At the same time, the same variety of caterpillar told my friend (just 20 miles away) it would be a harsh winter because the coat was solid black. 

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There are some “old wive’s tails” I totally believe in. For instance, if you see the underside of the leaves showing on a hot summer afternoon, you should get ready for rain because it’s on its way. That’s science…heat rises and when moist heat rises sharply, thunderstorms and rain develop. But wooly worms? Yeah…the jury’s still out on that.

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Tractor Supply had some beautiful mums on sale!

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Mr. FixIt bowls tonight. I’ll take the camper up today to empty the tanks, then I can winterize it. I told my sweetie I’ll go out to the farm to mow sometime this week and I’ll stay for a couple of days. Hunting season is coming soon so there will be people in and out of there and I won’t get a chance to stay again for a while. 

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?

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“Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house.”

\nProverbs 24:27 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-10-16T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/10/16/a-super-sunny-saturday.html", "tags": ["Love","Change","Farm Life","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/10/14/an-open-letter-to-every.html", "title": "An Open Letter to Every College Freshman", "content_html": "\n
\"Grandma’s
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Hi there, sweetheart…

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I hope you’re getting settled into your new routine and you’re making lots of new friends. College is such an exciting time. Because it’s different. It’s a change…and sometimes change can be a little scary. I mean…here you are out there, doing your thing, learning, growing. But you need some stability. You need to know not EVERYTHING is changing. You want to come back home on the Winter Break and have everything just the way you left it because that’s your security blanket…your touchstone. I get it. I’ve been there.

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I left home in July 1973 right after I graduated from x-ray school. I’d been married for six months and the very next day, I was getting on a big plane and flying to England to join my new husband. I had just turned 20. I drove out to my Grandma’s farm to say goodbye to her one last time. I spent some extra moments when I was backing out of the driveway to leave. I wanted to memorize every square inch of that place and my grandma’s face because I wasn’t coming back for a couple of years. It felt like an eternity till I would embrace them again.

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When I finally came back before we moved to our next assignment in Colorado, I couldn’t wait to get back to the farm and see my grandma and Uncle Bob and that house that I so dearly loved. But, when I pulled in the driveway, I was in for a shock. While I was gone, my Uncle Bud had painted the old wood house that had weathered to such a beautiful grey. And what did he paint it? Red. Bright cherry red with white trim around the windows!

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I was shocked. Confused. Angry. Hurt. 

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No one told me. The one thing I thought would never ever change…did. It was a kick in the gut, I’m telling you. Then, when I walked in the back door, there was my very sweet grandma holding out her hands to take her first great grandchild into her arms. That’s when it occurred to me…I had changed, too. My baby girl changed everyone’s lives. I learned from that experience to embrace change…to make “Change” my middle name. After all, it’s unavoidable so you might as well go through it with love and light instead of fear and loathing. It makes life a lot easier.

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I get it…I do. Maybe your grandparents have decided now is the time to downsize and make their lives a little easier and that house won’t be there for you when you come home. There are all kinds of changes that can occur because when you are out there in the world…changing…we’re all back here and we’re changing, too. Just know this…we sure love you and we’re so proud of you and happy you are getting these opportunities. Keep learning and growing and changing into the beautiful being you are becoming, dear one. 

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Let change rest on you like the new fallen snow.

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Love you bunches, honey…

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Nana

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?

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“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:”

\nEcclesiastes 3:1 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-10-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/10/14/an-open-letter-to-every.html", "tags": ["Change","Control","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/10/05/shorter-days-and-colder-nights.html", "title": "Shorter Days and Colder Nights", "content_html": "\n
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Ice cream time by the river.

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Man, the days are getting shorter fast, aren’t they? I was out in the camper at 7:00 last night to put some things away for our upcoming trip and it was nearly dark already. This time of year seems to just sneak up on you, doesn’t it? I looked at the weather for next week, thinking we might squeeze in a few more camping days, but it’s going to be colder next week than this one. And this one is going to be cold enough. I wish we could have found this camper a month earlier. We would have had a big time in September!

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When I mentioned the possibility of camping again next week, Mr. FixIt laughed and said, “Ya know, we have to get some work done around here pretty soon!” He’s right, of course. I just hate to give in and see the end of camping season. Oh, there will still be plenty of days I can get out here and enjoy this camper, but they’re soon going to be fewer and farther between, that’s for sure.

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One of the days we were camping at Leith Run on the Ohio River, I noticed the people beside us had this great step stool. Some campsites aren’t very level and you have to raise one side by pulling one wheel up and a lifter of some sort. If it’s on the door side, then your bottom step can be raised way up off the ground. Not only is that more difficult to get in and out of your camper, it can be really dangerous. We are of the age where we have to be concerned with the possibility of falls. The legs on the step are adjustable for height to account for an undeveloped surface. As soon as I got home from the last trip, I ordered one of those and it came yesterday. 

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I don’t like to buy a bunch of useless gadgets for the camper, but this one seems like it will be important to have. Not only is space at a premium, but you don’t want your weight to be over the limit. The legs fold up on this stool so it will fit in the storage bin under the bed. It also will give Mr. FixIt enough extra height to use the leaf blower to clean off the top of the slide out before we put it in. Whatever you have in the camper has to serve more than one purpose.

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We cleaned out the wheel well on the curb side of the camper yesterday and I filled any cracks or spaces with clear silicone caulk. I’m hoping that will take care of any leaks like we had when we drove in the rain last trip. We’ll have to see. I don’t think we’ll be driving in the rain this time.

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We just have a few things to put in the camper in the morning then we can head to our next campground. I have to camp at this place twice a year…once in the spring and again in the fall. It’s kinda my home base in the camping world. We’ll see friends and have a blast! If I remember correctly, the campground has decent cell service so I’ll still be able to post. 

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?

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“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:”

\nEcclesiastes 3:1 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-10-05T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/10/05/shorter-days-and-colder-nights.html", "tags": ["Camping","Fun","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/09/25/taking-it-easy.html", "title": "Taking it Easy", "content_html": "\n
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I slept like a stone, but still woke up with this headache. Occasional scratchy throat. I don’t feel sick as much as “puny”, as my grandma used to say. I tested yesterday afternoon and was negative. I’ll keep a close watch and continue to go easy. I’m just tired, I think. We run and run and run then I crash for a couple of days. It’s not the first time and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

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I knitted on the baby sweater. I read. I took a nap. Mr. FixIt and I had supper out in front of the new camper again. And I knitted some more. Before it got too dark, I walked around and took some pictures for you. We are getting more color. The dogwood tree has bright red berries on it and the birds dart in and out of the hedgerow to snatch them. The seed pods are drying nicely on the redbud so I’ll gather some in the coming days.

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I’m glad we got the mowing done as soon as we got back. We are getting intermittent rain coming through. The nights are cool and refreshing in the 50’s. The highs have been in the high 60’s, low 70’s the last couple of days. I used to dread fall because it is the harbinger of winter’s long, dark nights. But after mowing five acres the last five years, I’m tickled to death to see the grass go dormant so I can get other things done.

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I did find something interesting through a fellow I know on Facebook. He share the name of an app…FlightAware.

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This is the app I’m using. I think they asked to start an account, but I elected to continue as a guest and I get all the information I want for free.

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I’ve been hearing a helicopter fly over our house at least twice a week. He was talking about using that app to find out what a certain kind of plane was that flew over his house. The app told him what kind of plane it was, where it took off from, and where it was heading. I downloaded it and while I was knitting outside the camper in the late afternoon, I heard the helicopter.

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I quickly looked it up and it was a medical flight coming out of Morgantown. It was fascinating to watch the flight real time and on the app. I thought of my Grandma. What would she have thought if we saw a plane flying over the farm and I pulled this small, flat device out of my pocket, poked a few buttons, and told her that was an airplane flying from Washington, DC to Dallas at 30,000 feet? Can you imagine? It’s crazy what we take with a grain of salt, isn’t it?

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I need to get back to the quilt sometime this week. I’d like to finish this baby sweater first. There’s really nothing much new going on. We need to get out to the farm in the next few days to mow. Maybe after another day of rest, I’ll feel more like getting up and getting stuff done. I’ve learned to listen to my body, and my mind and spirit, and rest when it’s time to rest. I used to push through till I was way beyond lost and exhausted. There are benefits to aging. Knowing when to say enough is enough is one of them.

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?

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“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

\nGalatians 6:9 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-09-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/09/25/taking-it-easy.html", "tags": ["Health","Gratitude","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/09/24/tick-tock-tick-tock.html", "title": "Tick Tock Tick Tock", "content_html": "\n
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Set up for our picnic!

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We got a call yesterday that we may have been exposed to covid over the weekend. Thursday night I started getting a headache a little bit of a scratchy throat. I haven’t tested yet. It could just be from the cold front coming through or camping by the river, but if the symptoms continue or worsen, I’ll definitely test. We have no plans to go anywhere in this next few days anyway. We cancelled our trip to the dealership yesterday to pick up the a-frame and we’ll do that as soon as we can.

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We spent the day just chilling. I knitted and Mr. FixIt cleaned out the truck. We tied the tarp down on the ‘67 Franklin. I keep telling myself I’ll fix it up one of these days, but alas…the days fly by and there it sits. It really should go to someone who has the time and talents to rebuild it. We have to stay home long enough to advertise it and sell it and that’s a bigger problem than fixing it ourselves.

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Supper al Fresco

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My sweetie and I had supper in front of the new camper again last night. It’s so pleasant to sit outside. Thursday night got down to 42° and let me tell you…it was a tad nippy in the camper! My little electric space heater is in the a-frame, I think. I do have an electric blanket I could bring out to the camper if I can find the cord. I added another puffy comforter so that ought to help. And, it was only predicted to get down to 51° last night, so maybe it won’t be so bad.

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We walked around the perimeter of the far field last night after supper. There are tons of seed pods on the redbud that are almost ready to gather and save for planting next year. It’s a game of chance waiting for them because the critters in the woods are doing the same thing for culinary purposes. There were a lot of what looked like wild grapes everywhere. When you squeeze them, they look just like grapes, but I tasted a tiny bit on my tongue and they certainly don’t TASTE like grapes. They just tasted wild.

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I’ve pulled out the winter socks!

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We noticed several trees that have died in the last couple of years…most near the power lines to I’ll have to call to see if they’ll come remove them. I noticed a small area I missed when I mowed on Thursday afternoon so I jumped on the tractor and finished that off in a hurry. Thursday was the Autumnal Equinox…the first day of fall is here already. Where has this year gone? The days pass slowly but the years seem to fly, don’t they? 

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So, in honor of autumn, I have put on socks! My tootsies are thanking me. 

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“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.”

\nIsaiah 40:8 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-09-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/09/24/tick-tock-tick-tock.html", "tags": ["Camping","Comfort","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/08/15/the-past-and-the-future.html", "title": "The Past and The Future", "content_html": "\n
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When my mom retired, she got into genealogy with a vengeance. She didn’t have a computer or internet access, so I did her research for her. When she passed, there were several boxes of genealogy files in her house that I donated to the Hacker’s Creek Pioneers Central West Virginia Genealogy Library in Horner, West Virginia. They were thrilled to have them. Through my own research, I discovered four of my former classmates were related to me in one way or another. This was the first year they’ve all attended and I got a picture of us together. That was such a treat!

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I remember the year my aunt and uncle went to their 50th Class Reunion. I thought, “Wow…I’ve always thought they were so YOUNG!” I mean, really…fifty whole years had passed since they graduated? And now…here I am. And we’re…so YOUNG! lol Well…we aren’t THAT young! At 11:00 on Friday, I thought surely the clock on my iPhone was mistaken. It HAD to be later than that! I was truly the social butterfly and ran around chatting with so many friends…some I hadn’t seen since graduation.

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Saturday morning, we had twenty-four gals for our coffee gathering that was SO much fun. We all brought a chair and our beverage of choice and sat in a big circle. Some of us didn’t leave till around 1:30. I was really tired at this point so I headed home to a little siesta. Saturday evening was the dressier Dinner/Dance and seein’s how Mr. FixIt clean up pretty good, we were ready to trip the light fantastic. 

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Attending an event at the historic hotel in our town is always a treat. Everyone was dressed in their finery. We staked claim to our tables and soon were directed to the buffet line where we were served our meals already plated. The food was good. Small portions were the order of the day. I don’t eat that late as a rule, but I made an exception and paid for it by 10:00 when I had to asked my sweetheart to bring me home. The combination of spicy food eaten too late and a really LOUD DJ and two days of chaos and noise and wall-to-wall people just did me in. 

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We were home by 10:30 and I was in bed by 10:32, I think. I had a day of dry toast and crackers and DripDrop electrolyte solution and by 1:00, I was well enough to head to the farm to mow. We literally had a 45 minute window to cut the grass before the next rain hit. It has been so wet, we couldn’t mow for the last couple of weeks and that grass was thick and wet. No matter how many times I rode over it and over it, mulching it down to ever smaller pieces, I could not get rid of the clumps of wet grass laying on the top. Hopefully in a few days, those clumps will decompose and provide moisture and nutrients to the lawn.

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It’s unbelievable how the leaves are already starting to turn here. I think it must have something to do with the excessive heat and moisture we’ve been having. Everyone I’ve talked to have said they can’t remember a wetter summer than we’ve had in West Virginia this year. Global warming is indeed real…and our weather is changing drastically. I haven’t seen a single monarch butterfly this summer and that makes me so sad. I am heartened to see some of my friends in other counties have them.

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I am determined to create more pollinator space here on Marshmallow Ranch next season. My table partner at dinner Saturday night was my friend Chris Tanner German. Her sister is Emmy Award winning documentary filmmaker, Pamela Tanner Boll. Her most recent film is “To Which We Belong” about farmers, ranchers, and scientists finding ways to mitigate climate change. We had a wonderful conversation and Chris suggests I start small, adding to the pollinator garden every year. This will make the change from mowing all of it a more gradual process, thus appeasing my sweet Mr. FixIt who….let’s just say…shies away from drastic change. 

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You can watch Pamela’s film through this link:

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TO WHICH WE BELONG

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“The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.”

\nGenesis 2:15 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-08-15T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/08/15/the-past-and-the-future.html", "tags": ["New Ideas","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/08/10/a-time-of-innocence.html", "title": "“A Time of Innocence”", "content_html": "\n
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“Time it was, and what a time it was, it was…a time of innocence. A time of confidences. Long ago, it must be…I have a photograph. Preserve your memories; They’re all that’s left you.”

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This weekend is our 50+1 High School Reunion. Mr. FixIt and I graduated together. We were buddies during high school. We passed each other in the halls and knew a lot of the same people. The first time I laid eyes on him was on the playground in first grade. A red-headed, freckle-face little rascal who chased the girls at recess. He looked all the world like Opie Taylor. 

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My family moved to another school district halfway through second grade and I never gave that little red-headed boy another thought till I started tenth grade. I was in the art department and was high up on a ladder painting a backdrop when I heard someone below me clearing his throat. I looked down and that same red-headed, freckle-faced boy was looking up at me…a toothy grin on his face. He was much taller by that time and wore glasses, yet he was unmistakably the same little dude that chased the girls.

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My heart smiled. “There he is” it said to me. 

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“And just what do you think you’re doing down there?” I asked. 

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With a chuckle and a wink, he pushed his reedy frame away from the pillar he was leaning on and disappeared into the shadows of stage left. He was easy to spot. He stood head and shoulders above most of our fellow students and I would call out, “Hey, Froggy!” when I saw him. It was a nickname one of his friends gave him. He hated it, as most people hate their nicknames. But he answered to it just the same.

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I remember in our senior year, we were both dating someone else. It was “Color Day”…that day when seniors are excused from classes and we had a parade and played games out on the football field. I was acutely aware a change was afoot and we were all heading out into the world in different directions. I remember holding Mr. FixIt’s hands in mine, looking into those baby blues, and saying with perfect heartfelt honesty, “I’m really going to miss you!”

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We didn’t see each other till our 10th Reunion. I didn’t like that reunion very much. It was cliquey and everyone was trying to outdo the next with their accomplishments. But we were so happy to see each other and catch up. We danced and laughed and said, “See ya next time!” We ran into each other several times over the years…each time the same. Just old friends reunited.

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Some time after the last reunion, I heard from that lanky fellow with the now-graying red hair and white beard. He had the very same blue eyes that sparkled when he smiled. He invited me to lunch and the rest…as they say…is history. I’ve been waxing poetic this week with the passage of time. So many of us are gone. So many are missing and no one has heard from them in years. It’s the nature of aging, I suppose. 

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I think Mr. FixIt and I mesh so well together because we’ve known each other forever. We’ve lived our lives and accomplished things and worked out most of the kinks of our psyches long before we attempted to date. I honestly am not at all sure we would have made it had we gotten together in high school. We are who we are now simply because of what we’ve gone through in life. We are the people NOW who are meant to be together at this time.

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I ran across this picture on Facebook yesterday. It was taken by Dave Ferrell, I believe. It’s a photo of young students standing in front of our High School. Mr. FixIt and I were likely playing on the grade school playground when this was taken, but it reminded me of who and where we used to be. It was truly an “Age of Innocence.” While it is a moot point and a waste of energy to wish we were back in times such as this, every once in a while…I do. 

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The world seems so big and scary and angry and dangerous these days. And, in some ways it is. But, it’s equally just as beautiful and fresh and lovely if you choose to look carefully. I’m looking forward to the weekend…of getting together with our friends and reminiscing old times. And maybe…even if just for a moment…it will be all Peace, Love, and Rock ‘n Roll….

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”A Time of Innocence.” <<<< CLICK TO WATCH SIMON AND GARFUNKEL SINGING BOOKENDS/A TIME OF INNOCENCE LIVE AT THE CENTRAL PARK CONCERT.

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“I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,”

\nPhilippians 1:3 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-08-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/08/10/a-time-of-innocence.html", "tags": ["Aging","Change","Memories","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/08/08/changing-seasons.html", "title": "Changing Seasons", "content_html": "\n
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Mr. FixIt and I cleaned house this weekend because my stepson and his family were coming over. Mr. FixIt II had a birthday last month and we were all really busy, so yesterday was the day to celebrate. We ordered pizza so there wasn’t a lot of fuss and heat being generated in the kitchen. The boys went out and dug post holes for the new steps and railing we’re putting in for the pool deck. We are getting older and balance is becoming a concern, so it’s time to have something to hang onto if needed.

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As with many DIY projects, this one took a turn when the post hole digger hit the drain pipe for the downspout so now we need to repair that before we can move forward. It’s always something. First the oven mess…now this. I think we need to slow down and draw our plans out to think everything through before we just fly by the seat of our pants with these things. The next big project is get roofs on these two houses before winter.

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When the kids left, Mr. FixIt checked in with his bowling buddy and found out their first meeting was in thirty minutes! So, off he went and I settled in to work on this new sweater. Oh, I really love this yarn. I think I’d like to have it in a dozen different colors! It knits up really fast and is light as a feather.

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I went across town to get a little bite of ice cream and sat by the river. The locusts were calling. The river was high and muddy. We’ve had tons of rain the last couple of weeks. The leaves are changing already. Way too early. I believe it’s from the more extreme weather we’ve been having. Lots of rain. Lots of heat. Sitting there watching the golden light slicing through the leaves and hearing the whir of the insects took me back to my childhood. This is the time of year when we start thinking about heading back to school and I can distinctly remember what that felt like as a kid. A combination of exciting anticipation and total dread. New clothes, new notebooks, seeing friends. All good. But the end of those carefree days of summer? So sad.

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So much to be done before the snow flies!

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Ahhhhh….farm life!

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“He changes times and seasons…”

\nDaniel 2:21 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-08-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/08/08/changing-seasons.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/08/02/in-the-middle-of-a.html", "title": "In the Middle of a Mess I Find Gratitude", "content_html": "\n
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Sometimes things have to get torn completely apart before they can get fixed and made whole. I’ve learned this lesson over and over and over since Mr. Virgo died. Those lessons, while hard earned, have served me well in a plethora of circumstances since. I know it’s not a big deal. I know beyond all else that this is a first world problem. Trust me…I am grateful for every single thing in my life. That being said…things are going to be in a real mess around here for the next few days.

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Remember a few weeks ago when I showed you the weird mud tube that was growing up out of our new carpet in the family room? It turned out to be a termite tube. The family room used to be a garage and the floor underneath the carpet is cement. It turns out, there is a small crack in that floor and it allowed termites to tunnel in. We can’t have that! The termite guy came out that very afternoon. (I have the district team leader on speed dial since the great Flea Fiasco of 2016 out at the farm!) He scheduled someone to come out tomorrow, August 2nd and said we would need to have the carpet lifted so they can drill down into the cement to treat these nasty buggers where they live.

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We scheduled the carpet dude to come out yesterday. That meant we had to move all the furniture from that end of the room so they could peel the rug back. I took a nap when we got home from Columbus on Sunday, so…I was still awake at 6:00 yesterday morning. I just got up and moved what furniture I could manage alone and left the rest for Mr. FixIt and the carpet dude. Unfortunately, the carpet padding is glued down and they can’t lift that, so hopefully they can accomplish what they need to do without tearing everything out. If that happens, we have to remove the entire carpet and install a new pad. Ugh!

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Once the house is treated, the carpet dudes will return on Thursday to put everything back down. In the meantime….the entire room is an exercise in chaos. I’m not a neat freak by any stretch of the imagination. But this is a little….no, a LOT over the top. But, it’s small potatoes. You know why? Because even as we speak, there are families down in Kentucky who have suffered devastating floods and they would be thrilled to have a house that was still on its foundation. There are families in California who are running for their lives from devastating wildfires. And don’t even get me started on Ukraine.

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No, this is an inconvenience. A hangnail on the thumb of life. I will not complain about any of this mundane stuff. I mean, really…it’s not like I have anything else to do to keep me occupied. I still can’t mow. We’ve had monsoon rains for a good portion of the last two weeks. I think tomorrow is shaping up to be the most promising day to get out on the tractor, but we’ll see.

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Mr. FixIt had to run to town yesterday and I stayed home to work on this hat I’m knitting for Christmas. I got Bear’s extras packed up that didn’t fit in the suitcase so I can get them shipped off to Colorado. I cleaned the kitchen. And that was the extent of my accomplishments  for the day.

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?

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“give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

\n1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-08-02T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/08/02/in-the-middle-of-a.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Choices","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/07/12/centering-with-mindfulness.html", "title": "Centering with Mindfulness", "content_html": "\n
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All done except for the plackets, buttons and buttonholes, and weaving the ends!

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When I’m riding the tractor, my mind wanders from topic to topic. I try to be mindful and present and actually…you know…mow. With all the feelings and smells and sounds and techniques that come with that. Sometime’s I’m successful at that. Other times…not so much. Yesterday was one of those days. I did manage to keep in the moment when I was mowing the little tiny rises along the road and out by the circular drive because the grass was still a little damp and the tires on this tractor can get a little slippery. But as soon as I had that done, I was off somewhere else.

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You and I have talked a lot here about anxiety and depression and grief and PTSD. I’ve been doing a lot better with those since I had the second parathyroid surgery and my calcium has come back down into the normal range. I’ve used so many things over my lifetime to try to calm my poor brain…lots of prayer, therapy, medication, EMDR, meditation, exercise, diet, better sleep hygiene. Overall, it’s much better. But, from time to time, it still rears its ugly head and it is so disheartening. I know it’s not something I’m liable to be rid of completely, but I am always looking for something that will help.

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Because of the nature of my writing, anytime I use a hashtag on my blog on Facebook, I start seeing sponsored ads for things. Usually I just scroll by and pay them no mind. But, yesterday’s gave me pause and I paid attention. My particular flavor of anxiety is usually anticipatory…usually surrounding an event that’s coming up and my mind takes me in every possible direction trying to plan it all out so I am not surprised by anything. I hop from one unlikely scenario to another till my palms are sweaty and my neck is tight. My tummy gets tied up in knots and my breathing picks up. It’s crazy…absolutely crazy.

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The human mind is an amazing computer that prepares us for anything. The second you feel threatened, it sends out a great big dose of cortisol and adrenalin to get you ready to either stay and fight or run away as fast as your little legs can carry you. But here’s something I didn’t know…and I learned it yesterday. When we have that particular variety of anxiety, we have trained out brains to be on guard at all times…to scout out danger and let the brain and body know right away…whether there is something actually happening in real time or if it’s just something you thought up in your little monkey brain. It sucks.

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But, here’s the good news. Just like you trained your brain to look for danger, you can also train it to look for the light and the good stuff. What a concept! This new app…Mood Mint…gives you little two minute exercises. It shows you four pictures and you look for and choose the happy picture…the good-for-you picture. Like three of the faces may be grumpy or judgy and the fourth is a person smiling. Or maybe it’s faces and fatty foods or exercising. Good for you things. The goal is to select as many of the happy images as you can in a certain about of time. Then it gives you a point to ponder some mental health tip and you’re reading it while you are priming your brain to “happy”. Then you go back to more photo choices. The next thing is word search puzzle with four absolutely positive words to think about as you repeat it in your head because you’re actively searching for it. Once you solve that puzzle, if there is still time, you get more photos to choose from. The last thing is a guided inhale and exhale. The whole thing is fast and easy and they suggest you do at least ten minutes of these every day. Ostensibly, in a couple of weeks, you have retrained your brain to stop looking for threats everywhere you go. 

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I used the app three times yesterday. And I have to tell you, I don’t know if it was the power of suggestion or placebo effect, but I did feel less anxious. We are leaving for a road trip to pick up Little this week and, while I absolutely adore that child, I worry about all the what-ifs that could happen on my watch. Sorry…it’s just how my brain is wired. And it takes a crap-ton of the delicious anticipation and fun out of it for me when I’m fighting to ward off anxiety. The app cost a couple of bucks, and I’m hoping it might be a good tool to have in my mental health tool box. 

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I have to add in here…God uses the bad things that happen to us and turns them around for our good and for His glory. Heaven knows the last couple of years have been really difficult with the pandemic and all the upheaval in the world. One of the only good things I’ve seen that has come out of that is an embrace of mental health issues. We are having the conversations we should have been having for decades. I see evidence of people perhaps being less ostracized for their mental health struggles because, let’s face it…it’s a lot more mainstream now. 

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Change can be hard to come by…but it can be really good for us all. Let’s keep our minds open for changes. We cannot all have everything we want…but we can meet in the middle and that’s worth working for.

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“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

\n2 Timothy 1:7 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-07-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/07/12/centering-with-mindfulness.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Growth","Choices","Change","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/07/06/an-island-of-sanity-in.html", "title": "An Island of Sanity in a Sea of Madness", "content_html": "\n
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The view from the front door…which is actually the back door.

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I read an op ed yesterday that said both parties want you to be afraid. They’re counting on it. Some for real, scary reasons. Others for whipping up zealous fervor. For me…and for my mental health…I am trying to keep my life on an even keel. There are so many places to seek the truth based on actual facts. I will do all I can to remain sane while staying informed. AND…I will try my best to keep it out of here.

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Why?

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Because…we all need a safe place to land. To read a story. To hear a beautiful piece of music or gaze upon a lovely piece of art. To see goodness in the world. There is STILL goodness in the world….even when it is so, so difficult to see or feel. My friend is going through some hard stuff. She told me the other day…she can’t see God. My heart breaks for her because I’ve been there, too. It’s easy to see and hear God when things are all hunky dory. It’s terribly difficult when life is hitting you from every angle and knocking you down.

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Our morning visitor…a young red-shouldered hawk.

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It’s so hard when you see the news…when you hear of all the death and destruction. It’s crazy making when you see people do things that are so incredibly out of character because the world is just amping up to the nth degree. It’s so frustrating when you know what needs to be done…what SHOULD be done…but it’s not being done. It’s so hard when you’re grieving the loss of your person. Life can be so hard.

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Our little island of sanity in the sea of madness.

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We do need to be responsible adults. We can’t just stick our heads in the sand. We need to suit up and show up and do the right things. We need to remember Luke 6:31ESV “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” I don’t see that very much and if you are professing to be Christian…that’s the whole basis of Christianity. That’s where all the focus should be. Love. Love like you want to be loved. 

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The ”Duck Whisperer.”

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That being said…we also need to have moments of respite from the chaos. Pray. Go for a walk. Drink a glass of water. Take the dog for a walk or play with the cat. Play a word game. Listen to praise music or whatever your favorite is. Call a friend. Go out for coffee. Read a book. Sing. Take a yoga class. Learn to knit or crochet or paint or draw or play a musical instrument. Plant flowers. Bake a pie. Clean a closet. Volunteer. One can stay engaged without it sucking the life out of you. I have to be pretty regimented about what I allow in, but that doesn’t mean I’m uniformed. 

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Our babies!

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I wanted to share with you a little piece of what my life is like here in West Virginia. This is thirty-one seconds of perfection. This is what I’ve wanted my whole life and now all I have to do is walk out our back door every evening and listen. I wish you could hear it for yourselves in person…to feel the warm evening breeze on your skin…to smell the woods and the freshness from the rain…but, this will have to do.

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A July evening in the ”Far Field.”

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Hang in there, dear ones. We’re going to make it. Just keep your balance between being informed and being peaceful. And if you need more…here are ten promises from God.

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I will strengthen, help, and uphold you. Isaiah 41:10

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I will never leave you. Have no fear. Hebrews 13:5-6

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I gave you power and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

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I will comfort you. Psalm 23:4

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Be strong and courageous...I am with you. Deuteronomy 31:6

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I will give you peace. John 14:27

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I'm working in your life beyond your imagination. Ephesians 3:20

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I am your strength through everything. Psalm 46:1-3

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Give me your troubles, I've got you. Psalm 55:22

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I will fight for you. Deuteronomy 20:4

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God's got you. So do all the people who love you. 

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“for the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory.’”

\nDeuteronomy 20:4 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-07-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/07/06/an-island-of-sanity-in.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Peace","Fear","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/28/thou-shalt-not-bully.html", "title": "Thou Shalt Not Bully", "content_html": "\n
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I was angry last week. Now I’m more angry. I shared a post on my personal Facebook page regarding the decision from SCOTUS that will affect all women. I have my own beliefs about it, and I shared them. A dear friend countered with another perspective as is her right. I didn’t engage…I listened respectfully. Honestly, I didn’t really think any more about it because we were camping and I was trying to stay away from all the angry discourse on social media.

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Yesterday, I discovered the comments on my post took a turn and people were attacking my friend for her beliefs. Not only that, some started sending her viscous texts. They attacked her work. They encouraged others to do so, as well. It was unrelenting. I never take down posts, but I did this one out of respect for my friend. I never unfriend someone over politics or differing opinions. But I WILL unfriend and block someone for bullying…so fast it’ll make your head spin.

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I know it seems like civil discourse is dead these days. It makes me sad to see such vitriol…especially from women to other women. We all have opinions. We may not agree with others, but there is never a point where bullying is ok. Respect each other. Show a little self control. I certainly have not been perfect at this. If you don’t like what you read, scroll on. Unhook. Snooze. Unfriend. Block. But never, ever bully my peeps. That is NOT cool. Jesus wouldn’t do that, so neither should we!

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I spent the afternoon riding around the property on the tractor…mowing and contemplating. Should I say anything? Or just let it go? I decided every moment is a teaching moment, so here I am. Teaching Respect 101. 

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It made the afternoon fly by!

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?

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““You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.”

\nLeviticus 19:17-18 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/28/thou-shalt-not-bully.html", "tags": ["Anger","Change","Friends","Frustration"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/26/the-girls-with-the-grandma.html", "title": "The Girls With The Grandma Faces", "content_html": "\n
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We were oh so young when we met. Some of us went all through school together. We played on the playground together in grade school. Yesterday, we reminisced about our memories of when President Kennedy was assassinated…what were we doing, where were we when we found out, whose class were we in? We’ve gone through so much in our lives. We fought together for our rights and freedoms. We come from the same general background but with different upbringings. We love and respect each other…immensely. So, not a single one of us brought up anything remotely controversial yesterday. I don’t think a single one of us have our heads in the sand, but after the week we’ve collectively had, we just needed each other’s company. An unspoken bond held together with time and love and coffee.

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We were oh so young when we left high school to head out into the world to continue our educations and create loves and families and careers. I didn’t really get to know most of these wonderful women until the last eight years or so. That’s when I asked a couple of my friends… 

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“How often to do you all get together for coffee?”

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Crickets.

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They hadn’t done that. Maybe lunch from time to time. But we had families to raise and houses to run and jobs to keep. I don’t think we really had time for friendships back then. And now? Now we have grandma faces. Life is a little bit slower. We appreciate the time a little bit more. We’ve gotten to a place in our lives where our friendships have moved a little closer to center stage. I keep a Facebook page where I can send out invitations for coffee gatherings. We try to meet once a month, although sometimes that isn’t possible. There was a big hiatus during covid and we were so excited to have a socially distanced coffee in the park one gorgeous summer day.

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One of our big topics of conversation yesterday was our upcoming 50+1 Class Reunion. We are hoping it will be well attended. Six years ago, we had a coffee gathering at a Victorian mansion that belongs to a dear family friend/relative and some of the girls wanted to do that again. But, that’s a lot of work, and lot to ask of the homeowners. We talked about it yesterday and decided to have a gathering in the park for our coffee at this reunion. 

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We were oh so young. And now?

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Our youth is on the inside now…tucked away…buffered by the winds of time and change.

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Oh…so much change.

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We may have grandma faces now, but we are still those young girls in the polyester pant suits and platform shoes and bell bottom jeans…on the inside.

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?

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“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

\nEphesians 4:29 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-26T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/26/the-girls-with-the-grandma.html", "tags": ["Fun","Aging","Choices","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/08/too-close-to-home.html", "title": "Too Close to Home", "content_html": "\n
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I went to knitting group yesterday. I haven’t been there since I got back from Colorado. I found some yarn to make Big a sweater to take to college with her. I’ve got about 6” of it knitted and I’m not sure I am happy with the yarn itself. It is a blend of baby llama, Merino wool, silk and linen and it’s certainly going to be warm. But it has these weird fibers in it. It’s kinda like pulling out sticks and twigs and leaves and little wiry bits. I’m pulling the stickiest of them out as I knit, but I can just imagine wearing it and getting stuck with these fibers. I know she’d have to wear a shirt under it or it would be really itchy. So, before I knit any more of it, I’ll give it some thought. I might give the yarn to my dear friend, Gail. She is a prolific knitter and I’m sure she could use it. She’s always making hats and mittens and things to give to people who need them.

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When I was at the knit shop, Mr. FixIt took my truck to the body shop to have the rusty areas looked at to see what we can do. When he arrived, the guys in the shop motioned for him to drive the truck in really fast. It turns out, there was a domestic violence situation next door in a trailer park and a man was barricaded inside. He had been firing a gun all morning…out the windows, I guess. The police arrived just before Mr. FixIt got there. And people were still driving up the street and standing around everywhere. The SWAT team came and engaged with the suspect and he was shot in the abdomen. He was rushed to the hospital and straight into surgery. 

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Mr. FixIt was at the red dot. The shooter was at the red X.

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Too close, people. WAY too close.

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My sweetheart got out of there as fast as he could and is fine. He’s a rock, I’m telling you. I’m a puddle. We don’t go anywhere that I’m not looking at everyone. I look for escape routes and suspicious people. I’m happiest on our five acres with Mr. FixIt by my side. That being said, God did not give us a spirit of fear. That doesn’t mean that we won’t face scary things, though. 

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Fear is a normal physiological response. When faced with frightening situations, our bodies pump out a massive surge of adrenalin. The sole purpose of this is to prepare us to either fight the aggressor or run like heck as fast as we can. It is a survival mechanism that has been in place since the dawn of man. It’s how we protect ourselves. That being said, it’s not a place to pitch a tent and live forever. Living in fear is not what the Lord had in mind when He gave us adrenal glands.

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Remaining in a state of fear is harmful to our health….in every way. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When I am faced with fearful situations, I remind myself to breathe first. Then I ask myself if I am in true danger at the moment. No? Breathe again. If I can do something about it…I do it. If not, I breathe again. Once the threat is past, I’m often left with this lingering jittery feeling and maybe even an upset stomach. That is the adrenalin speaking and it’s not going to kill me no matter how icky it feels.

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I’ve found if I just sit, I’m liable to ruminate and make matters worse. Writing helps tremendously. Getting up and doing something diverts my attention. Cleaning the kitchen. Taking out the trash. Stepping into a shower. Going outside and looking at the stars or the clouds…whichever is making its appearance at the time. I usually can’t concentrate on a book and I don’t watch TV. One of the quickest ways to settle my mind and my spirit is to knit and pray. This accomplishes two things…I calm down, and whoever wears what I’m knitting has the added advantage of wrapping themselves in lots and lots of prayers. Win-Win.

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I don’t know if there is actually MORE gun violence than normal happening right now or if it’s more the “cause du jour” that the media is focusing on. It seems the rapid fire news cycle is meant to keep us stirred up and angry or fearful. High tension sells news. Whatever the case may be, I’m all about jumping on this wave and riding it to come up with some sort of reasonable bipartisan gun laws that will help stop the madness. When the shots happen that close to those I love dearest in the world, my mama bear energy gets riled up. Thoughts and prayers are very important, but we must DO something. 

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?

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“I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.”

\nPsalms 34:4 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/08/too-close-to-home.html", "tags": ["Faith","Fear","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/05/25/vicarious-trauma-and-senseless-loss.html", "title": "Vicarious Trauma and Senseless Loss", "content_html": "\n
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Something happened Monday night that I didn’t tell you about because I wanted to ruminate on it a bit. I do my best thinking when I drive and this deserved some serious cogitation. I was settled in for the night in The Big Birdhouse out by the garden at my son-in-law’s parents house. Ben and Sue are kind enough to let me plug into the electric out in the shed so I can have my own little space and “pretend camp” in the driveway.

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I had already made the decision to pack up and head home yesterday morning and was just finishing up my scheduled post when Sue texted. 

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“Ben is coming out to get you in here. Cops are looking for two armed and dangerous men!”

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I jumped up and threw a few things into an overnight bag just as Ben knocked on the door. When I opened it up, there were flashing blue lights all over the place so we locked everything up and quickly scurried inside. The neighbor had alerted Sue and said the police were scouring her yard. We went around and closed all the blinds and locked all the doors including the deadbolts. 

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I noticed Ben rummaging round and half-joking asked if he was getting his gun. He is a retired policeman. He came around the door and asked if I wanted one, too. I only paused for second when I took the loaded revolver and placed it on the nightstand beside my bed. I was sleeping in the guest wing and wasn’t close enough to feel protected. Yet….

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My heart is changing about the issue of firearms. Mr. Virgo was all about protecting what was ours…including our lives, our stuff, and our right to bear arms. I took a concealed carry class and had a permit. When we worked on the ranch in southern Colorado, we both open carried when we were out on the property because there were dangerous characters out there…two-legged as well as four.

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When Mr. Virgo died, he left me with no less than seventeen firearms…most of which I traded in for a beautiful diamond ring. I did, however, keep his beautiful western nickel plated long barrel .357 as well as the replica service revolver. After he died, I carried a .357 with me whenever I traveled alone…in my camper and in my truck. I felt safer with it and that was the point.

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However…as I have aged and I have seen more and more senseless gun violence, I am less inclined to carry it with me. For one thing, there was a terrible injured deer at our place a couple of years ago. I asked my friend Sparky who I should have come put it out of its misery for me. She laughed and said, “You’ll probably just have to do it yourself. We live in the country, you know?” I knew. I was no stranger to hunting and I was no stranger to putting a suffering animal mercifully out of its misery. 

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I carried the loaded .357 out around the corner of the house where the poor deer was standing. I carefully took note of the surroundings to make sure I wasn’t overlooking any danger beyond the animal. I was not shooting towards a road or another house. There was nothing but unpopulated hillside on the other side of the deer. I carefully raised the weapon, took aim, breathed through my shot, and the gun fired. I felt the strong kick of the force in my hands. And looked trepidatiously to see the damage done to the poor doe. 

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Nothing.

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She stood there with her big doe eyes, looking straight at me, still chewing the mouthful of grass she’d been munching as I aimed.

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This told me something about myself. If I can’t hit a deer not fifteen to twenty feet away from me in a calm and calculated fashion, I sure as hell can’t hit an attacker in the heat of a violent act. I no longer had the heart for it.

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My guns have remained in the safe, locked away ever since. I’ve kept them for a couple of reasons. If I really HAD to, and the lives of my loved ones were in danger, I would try to protect myself and them as best I could. And, they are one of the last things I have that belonged to Mr. Virgo. AND…I don’t want them in the hands of some nefarious character where they might be used in a heinous act.

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Like the shooting of more innocent children yesterday. 

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Babies. They are still shooting babies in their classrooms. 

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I wish people were as anti-gun violence as they are anti-abortion. 

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Once I heard that news, I knew why I didn’t sleep much Monday night with that weapon two feet from my head. I pulled off the road early, got a campsite, and quit for the day.

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Vicarious trauma…when the violent events of the world deeply affect those who witness it, read about it, see it and hear it on social media and the news.

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It’s just too much for this mama’s heart.

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May we never become so numb to the ugliness that we don’t fight for a better world. May we not hide our heads in the sand. May we be strong and courageous and stand up for what’s right and protect the innocents among us.

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Yes…my prayers are with those who suffer needlessly. But it’s time for more than “thoughts and prayers”.

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The time for bandaids is long gone. It’s time for real and lasting change.

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❤️‍?

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“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And “If the righteous is scarcely saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?” Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.”

\n1 Peter 4:12-19 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-05-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/05/25/vicarious-trauma-and-senseless-loss.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Anger","Warning","Choices","Change","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/04/26/quit-fixing-and-start-living.html", "title": "Quit “Fixing” and Start Living", "content_html": "\n
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Flowering Quince on the creekbank at the farm.

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I am all about personal growth. I needed it desperately…several times in my life. Each time the opportunity presented itself, I came out a better version of myself. After my first divorce, it was honestly all I could do to be a better mom and get through my days. Hubby #1 moved back to WV after we separated so he could go to college. I stayed on in Denver, raising Daughter #1 and working. I really didn’t have much time to think about personal growth. I wouldn’t have known what that meant anyway.

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One of my biggest seasons of personal growth came after divorce #2. I felt like such a failure. I was forty-seven years old. Daughter #1 was grown and married and lived clear across the country. Daughter #2 was just 10. I did a lot of work in the five years after that divorce and it was really, really hard. I tried dating, but I wasn’t very good at that, either. I opened my needlework shop, I had an excellent therapist, and I learned to say no. I learned about boundaries…something the adult child of an alcoholic knows so little about. I learned about co-dependency and how badly I didn’t want that in my life anymore.

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Right around the time I decided being alone wasn’t such a bad thing…in walked Mr. Virgo. A whirlwind romance ensued and soon we were walking the streets of Aspen, rubbing elbows with the beautiful people and enjoying fine dining and lots of fun. We moved around the state to new work opportunities. We lived a beautiful life. 

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Then he died.

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While that was the most painful experience I’d had up until then, I did…once again…achieve a great deal of personal growth. I don’t think I had to work at it as hard as I did after the divorce. A lot of the tools for coping were the same. 

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Try as I might, I always had a hard time getting past this feeling like there was something wrong with me. I didn’t seem to think the same way as most people. I didn’t learn the same way or work the same way. I’ve since learned that I am probably neurodivergent…meaning, maybe I’m a little autistic…a little different…a little ADHD. 

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And that’s OK.

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A lot of people fall into the category of neurodivergent and they live perfectly normal lives. They function, they cope, they adapt, they mask. They get by.

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Yesterday morning, I was laying in bed thinking about the one characteristic I have that trips me up far too often…far more than I usually admit. And that is…anxiety. Anxiety has been my constant, most unwelcome companion for as long as I can remember. I hate it. It makes me feel broken…abnormal…weird. You can’t keep asking people to wait up for you to get your act together so you can join in, because (you think) you can do that if you just work on “fixing this problem”.

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What hit me yesterday morning was a brilliant flash of insight.

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Maybe I was never broken. Maybe I was just planted in the wrong places. Mistaken. Misunderstood. 

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What if? What if I quit trying to FIX myself to fit better into other people’s expectations of me? What if I free myself of the obligation of trying to fit someone else’s notion of who or what I should be and just live my life? What would that look like?

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Mr. FixIt has been my best mirror. He celebrates and encourages and lifts me up at every turn. We went out to the farm yesterday and mowed. Afterwards, we worked to try to fix the well pump. We spent several hours out there trying this and that. (I think we have it figured out…we just need to go to town to get some parts tomorrow.) Last night, I excused myself to go write this post and let Mr. FixIt watch his police shows. As I turned to walk up the steps to the kitchen, he called after me. 

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“You did good work today.”

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I turned back to him with such a look of love.

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“Thank you for telling me that, sweetheart. You did good work, too.”

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We should always lift each other up. Offer encouragement. Show our gratitude. This tells me, more than anything, I’m ok. I’m doing good work. I’m loving well and living well. I am not broken or weird. I’m just me…delightfully and perfectly imperfect. There is a part of me that gets anxious. But it doesn’t kill me. It doesn’t last forever. And I’m learning that the part of the brain that gets anxious is the exact same part that gets excited. So, when I start getting the first tingles of anxiety, I tell myself I’m just excited and start naming all the things that I’m looking forward to doing.

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It’s working better and better. I saw a psychiatrist for several years. He said two things that have always stuck with me. 

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“The goal of therapy is to get out of therapy.”

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And…

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“At some point, you just have to get out there and live your life.”

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This is not to say we can’t benefit from seeking professional assistance with our mental health. I am so happy to see the conversations going on now regarding mental health. Maybe after the huge challenges we’ve all faced in the last two (six?) years, we can finally normalize mental health and get rid of some of the social stigma. Wouldn’t that be great?

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Life is really a lot less complicated than what we make of it.

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?

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“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

\n2 Timothy 1:7 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-04-26T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/04/26/quit-fixing-and-start-living.html", "tags": ["Health","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/04/08/the-four-seasons.html", "title": "The Four Seasons", "content_html": "\n
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Red Deadnettle in the ever growing grass of spring

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No…not the hotel. And no…not the landscaping company of Giuliani fame. I’m talking the four seasons of the year. Beautiful and somewhat delineated from each other by calendar dates. Not so much on your trip to take The Big Birdhouse to the dealer to get her fridge fixed/replaced. We saw four seasons in the span of about thirty minutes. We went from sunny with big puffy white clouds to rain to sleet to graupel and back. The temperature dropped. There was thunder and lightning. Ahhh…fickle Mother Nature in all her glory!

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We dropped off the camper and implored them to have her ready by the first of May for the trip to Colorado. They said the small refrigerators are easier to get than big ones so it’s a pretty fair bet it’ll happen. I hope. If they can’t get it ready by then, I’ll just pick it up and drop it back off on the way home in May and they can fix it then. I can always use a cooler. 

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My daughter has asked why I don’t just fly. Well, there are a number of reasons. Flights these days get cancelled at a moment’s notice. I can’t get tied up like that. People have seemingly lost their ever loving minds on flights these days and act like spoiled two year olds that didn’t get the right cookie and they need a nap. I don’t have the time nor patience to deal with that. Rental cars are exorbitant nowadays and I don’t want the hassle. I’ll be perfectly fine pulling The Birdhouse out there and back. I’ll feel better having my own little house with my own stuff and my own bed. It’s an adventure, right?

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We did a thing yesterday. For the very first time since February 2020…we ate inside a restaurant. *gasp* I explained to the hostess that this was our first time back in and, while we are not afraid, we would appreciate a table away from others. She smile and said, “No explanation needed. I’ve got just the right place for you!” She picked up two menus and took us around the corner to a booth away from everyone. We had southern barbecue and sat and visited…like normal people. It felt weird…but wonderful!

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By the time we got home, the temp had dropped and the rain had all but stopped. The wind blew some things around on the deck so Mr. FixIt straightened those out. That’s when I noticed the miniature rhododendron by the pool had a few blooms on it. I ran outside to document this momentous occasion on my phone camera. As I wrote this, I had the window open…listening to the birds and the spring peepers singing their loves songs. 

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Today is going to be lower key. Taxes, knitting, maybe a softball game if they don’t get rained out. Mundane things. Things we take for granted as “more of the same”. But, what would happen if we changed our expectations to one of gratitude for the opportunity to do things that sustain us? What if we look for the extraordinary in the every day humdrum of life? What if we invite Jesus to come do some fun stuff with us today? You know…I have a feeling Jesus loves to do fun things with us too and not just hear requests for help with the hard stuff. 

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How will you fill your world with gratitude today?

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?

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“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.”

\nPsalm 136:1 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-04-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/04/08/the-four-seasons.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Gratitude","Change","Big Birdhouse"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/16/the-warmth-of-old-memories.html", "title": "The Warmth of Old Memories and New Friends", "content_html": "\n
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I’m a “yarn junkie” and I went to see my dealer yesterday. We do our negotiations right in front of God and everybody. I shamelessly paw through her sale bin with the fervor of someone jonesing for a fix, knowing full well how many “hits” I already have in my stash at home. *sigh* I can’t help it…I’ve hit the mother lode. A yarn shop! Granted, it’s 20 miles there and 20 miles back, so the cost of fuel is cutting into my savings but….c’mon, man…it’s a YARN SHOP!

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My score yesterday was six skeins of 100% Superwash Wool for mittens. I have vowed to knit something for everyone for Christmas this year. These skeins were originally $14 each and I got all six for twelve bucks! I might be able to get a pair of mittens out of each skein. That’s a pretty good deal if you ask me!

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I stopped at my favorite coffee shop on my way to town and sat in the morning sun, knitting a little on each of the projects I have going. I try not to eavesdrop on people when I’m out, but it was difficult not to overhear the conversation between two men enjoying a cup of coffee together. I got the impression they were retired and may have worked together. I found myself smiling from time to time at the nature of their casual banter. One asked if the other had seen so-and-so recently. The other said he had not. He went on to say he had spoken to the fella some time ago and relayed something he had said to the guy. They hadn’t spoken since and this man was concerned that perhaps he had hurt the other fellow’s feelings in some way. They went on to discuss the possibility for quite some time. And I thought it was only us gals who worried about stuff like that!

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This particular coffee shop gives you a cute little sticker placed over the sippy hole in the lid. They are usually seasonal or some cute little saying. I have several stuck to the dashboard of my truck. They make me smile. Yesterday’s was a shamrock and I thought of Mr. Virgo. He was buried on this day, nine years ago. Being a McKinney…he was all things Irish! I felt like he was dropping by to say hello over coffee. One of our happy places was on the front porch sipping coffee on his days off. Yes…it was a sign that I have oodles and oodles of reasons to be grateful and full of joy!

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I was greeted by a warm hello when I joined the girls sitting around the table in the front room of the yarn shop. We are in that early stage of making friends where we learn about each other and where we’ve been on this life’s journey. I like these women and I am so thrilled to have met them. As I left the shop, they told me how glad they were I found them and that left me feeling all warm and fuzzy.

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I walked across the street and into the Lebanese restaurant for a half order of tabouli and baba ghanoush with warm pita bread to go. I sat in my truck in the warm sunshine watching an engineer maneuver a train back and forth, picking up more and more cars before he headed out on a run. We caught each other’s eye, smiled brightly and waved. Just like when I was a kid, shopping with my mom on this very same street on a warm spring day some sixty years ago.

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I headed home. Mr. FixIt called just as I crossed the interstate overpass. He asked where I was. When I told him, he said, “I see you!” We passed each other, waving like we hadn’t seen each other in a month of Sundays. He went on to town to run some errands and I headed home. I started a third project….a pair of mittens from the black wool I bought earlier. It knits up so nicely and it goes quickly because it’s really chunky yarn. 

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So, I’ve officially joined the ranks of “knitters who work on multiple projects”. I’m also reading a book so I’ve been busy! I was going to head to the farm today, but my bonus daughter and son-in-law are coming over today to help us do some things around the house. We have some trees that need to come down and bushes that need trimmed back. I need to pull “Birdie” around to the side of the building so I can pop the top and clean out what I am sure are a million ladybugs and stink bugs. Her new owners are coming Saturday to pick her up and I want her to look pretty!

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It was a joyful day, full of warm memories and new friends….and yarn.

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One can NEVER have too much yarn, right?

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?

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“You make springs gush forth in the valleys; they flow between the hills;”

\nPsalm 104:10 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-16T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/16/the-warmth-of-old-memories.html", "tags": ["Fun","Change","Crafts","Friends","Birdie"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/02/20/kindness-matters.html", "title": "Kindness Matters", "content_html": "\n
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In August 1988, George Herbert Walker Bush became the Republican Nominee for President of the United States. In his acceptance speech, he coined a phrase that has reverberated down the halls of time ever since. He exhorted the American people to become a kinder, gentler nation. He referenced “1000 points of light” which represented the diversity of this country. 

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I remember this so well. The following year, Hubby #2 and I decided to bring another child into the world and Daughter #2 was born in the Spring of 1990. I was encouraged and uplifted to hear our President encourage acceptance and kindness. Life seemed so simple then. Daughter #1 was preparing to head to college and we were busy raising a baby. 

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I kind of lost myself in the last decade of the 20th Century. My Daughter married a wonderful young man and moved to Long Island. My baby started school. My mental health went down the tubes and my marriage tumbled quickly right behind it. I was just coming back to myself when 9/11 happened. I saw our country come together in our collective grief, and again I felt such hope for humanity. We were really there for each other.

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I knew when I saw the second tower fall…our country would never be the same. I couldn’t have predicted the state we are in today, but Mr. Virgo did. There were many dinner conversations in which he would warn me of what was to come and I refused to believe it. He would gently chide me to stop acting like Pollyanna and look around me. I kept insisting…kindness matters.

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I still believe that. I still believe that those who have damaged our world will be held accountable someday. It may not be in this life…but someday they will be judged by a higher power than any courts of man. I rest on that knowledge. I also know, since the deregulation of the “news”, media peddles whatever sells…truth be damned. While I find this disheartening, I know in the end…this is not my forever home. This is where I came to learn to love like Jesus loves.

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Right now, there is a terrible and reckless chess game playing out in Eastern Europe. Mark my words, there is far more to this situation than is apparent on the surface. I am comforted in a renewed solidarity of NATO nations and pray that we will come out of this without destroying the world. Let’s just say…I never EVER dreamed this is how I’d be spending my golden years.

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The bottom line is this….no matter what is happening “out there”…I will seek peace, justice, kindness, and love. I had a lovely conversation with the most wonderful woman yesterday. Arlene was supposed to be my aunt. She was my Uncle Sonny’s fiancé. They would have been married sometime in the late ‘50s, but he was killed in a plane crash in 1955. Arlene went on and married and had a family in California. Grandma talked about her till the day she died.

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When I was helping my mom with her genealogical research and I discovered the power of the internet, I looked for Arlene and found her. I connected her with my mom and eventually, Arlene and her sister came here to West Virginia. She went to the cemetery and stood in front of my uncle’s grave and, as she wept, she heard a noise and looked up. A solitary military jet flew by overhead. She told me that story yesterday and said, in that moment…she was given closure. 

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Arlene is in her mid ‘80s now. Her husband has been gone for many years. She has some health issues but none terribly serious. She called me yesterday because she felt compelled to tell me how good the Lord is to us….even in the midst of uncertainty. Because, the Bible tells us we will have tribulations in this world. But Jesus has overcome the world. And He lives within me. The same power that created the world lives in me…knows me…loves ME. He has overcome the world. 

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I peeked at the end of this story. I know how it’s going to go. And I know, the very best thing I can do is share that love with you…share that kindness….offer you hope and peace in knowing we are never, ever alone. No matter how awful the news is. No matter how many scary stories are out there. Now matter how ugly things appear.

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If we can be anything in this world…we can be kind. Because…..kindness matters. 

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?

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\n

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

\nEphesians 4:32 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-02-20T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/02/20/kindness-matters.html", "tags": ["Faith","Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/02/19/spring-rains-and-snow-flurries.html", "title": "Spring Rains and Snow Flurries", "content_html": "\n
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We received nearly two inches of rain on Friday, then we woke up yesterday with snow flurries. It was cold and gray and pretty dismal. I was looking forward to a day at home, knitting and cooking a little, but our West Virginia Daughter called to say the bad winds had knocked a big limb out of the tree in the front yard. It was wedged right between the front steps and the front gate and they were kind of stuck. So, we packed up the chainsaw and went to town to help them clear the yard. 

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The other night I was sitting in the camper knitting and rocking in the new outdoor rocking chair we bought at Sam’s when there was a loud POP and the seat collapsed. Now, I’ve gained some weight, but not THAT kind of weight. Since we were going to town, I packed the chairs in the truck and we took them back for a refund. It’s really frustrating when shoddy workmanship causes something to break after using it twice. Especially when you pay over $50 for it!

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We finally got back home by late afternoon. I fixed pork roast with sauerkraut and mashed potatoes. Oh, my….it was SO good. Then I settled in to knit. I’ve always been a bit of a perfectionist. In the past, I would rip out several rows if my stitch count was off…even by just a stitch or two. With this pattern, and this yarn, I’ve learned you can fudge a little by adding a stitch at each end of a row, or knitting two together (depending on if you have too many or two few stitches.) Things don’t have to be absolutely perfect every single time, right?

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I’m at the point where I feel the seasons changing around me and my mind is telling me to gear up and get things done around here. I can’t just sit and knit every day. Spring is coming before too long and I’m itching to get to work on some projects that are long overdue. First things first, I’m saying goodbye to the Christmas tree today. I’ve really enjoyed the twinkle of the lights, and now it’s time for the house to be put back in order. I can live in chaos for a certain amount of time, then I have to get crackin’!

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Break time’s over!

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❤️

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“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

\nPsalm 51:10 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-02-19T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/02/19/spring-rains-and-snow-flurries.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Change","Farm Life","Marriage","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/02/16/the-twenty-year-plan.html", "title": "The Twenty Year Plan", "content_html": "\n
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Ever since I found out the latest surgery to find the errant parathyroid glands in my neck was unsuccessful, I’ve felt like I’ve been floating around in a rowboat without any oars. Just bobbing along…not knowing what to do, or even if there is anything TO do. I prayed a lot about it over the weekend. I handed it to God and I told him I trusted He would help me to not only survive this disappointment, but to thrive in the process.

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I trust that God uses all things for His glory. I believe He has a plan for us to prosper and not to harm us…a plan that gives us hope and a future. Sometimes God whispers to us and guides us gently. Other times, He hits us up the side of the head or brings someone with a megaphone so we “get it”. That’s what He did when answering my weekend prayers.

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I have a dear friend who is like a sister to me. I never had a biological sister, but “Hattie” is as close to me as any blood relative. We usually check in with each other several times a week. She texted me Monday to see how I was feeling after my surgery. I told her I was just feeling rudderless…like I don’t know what direction to turn. I told her about my disappointment that the surgery failed to “cure” me after I had such high hopes that it would.

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We had a long heart-to-heart talk…the kind sisters and life-long friends have. She had a brilliant piece of advice. I’m going to share it with you here in her own words.

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“I talk to my docs and my dentist about the 20 year plan. I mean, even if I am blessed enough to live to be 90, I will have only about 20 years left to worry with something. So, I tell them to talk in those terms. I don’t need a 55-year plan (which is the number I use because most of my medical peeps are in their 30’s. Is this a 20-year problem or a 55-year problem?”

\n\n\n

I had to sit with that for a while and really consider her wise words. I’m nearly 69 years old…not OLD, but certainly getting in the general neighborhood. I don’t have 50+ years to worry about stuff. Ok, this disease can leach calcium from my bones and make them more brittle. That’s certainly important…but it’s not life threatening. The rest of the side effects from hyperparathyroidism are mainly quality of life issues…pain, hair loss, acid reflux. Heck, none of us are going to escape this life without some ramifications of age. Let’s weigh the checks and balances.

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Yes, it would have been wonderful if this surgeon could have found my errant parathyroid glands and cured me. But every time you cut into the neck, you are risking very serious complications…namely paralyzing the vocal cords. Paralyze one side and you are left with a defect in you voice…anything from hoarseness to a whisper. Paralyze BOTH vocal cords and you cannot swallow and you’ll need a permanent tracheostomy. Neither of those things sound like something I’m willing to mess with. 

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My surgeon even considered removing my thyroid completely in an effort to cure me, but there were reasons he decided not to. First, I would have had to take thyroid medication for the rest of my life. Second, the vocal cord nerves were firmly stuck to my thyroid. Too risky to remove. He did a very careful search for those glands, clearing out scar tissue and fatty tissue, and he just couldn’t find them.

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So, I’ve elected the 20-year plan. We’ll check my Vitamin D. Very low Vitamin D can elevate the parathyroid hormones and raise the calcium. We’ll try boosting my Vitamin D level in an attempt to bring the other numbers down. I’ll practice great care to keep from falling and breaking anything. I’ve started taking Celebrex and a muscle relaxant and that has done a good job keeping my pain level manageable. And, so what if my hair falls out more than I’d like? I’m not doing a photo shoot for Vogue anytime soon. 

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I can’t tell you how much this shift in my mindset has changed how I’m feeling about this whole situation. And isn’t that an answer to prayer? I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. Hopefully I have 20 good years to look forward to. I’ll be darned if I’m going to look at them as a loss before I’ve even had a change to live them! It’s time to get off the pity train now and get out there and live this precious life I’ve been given. Who’s with me???

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❤️

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\n

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?””

\nHebrews 13:5-6 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-02-16T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/02/16/the-twenty-year-plan.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/02/15/going-out-on-a-limb.html", "title": "Going Out on a Limb", "content_html": "\n
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My friend Gail challenged me to knit a sweater. While a sweater looks impressive when it’s finished, it’s really not technically difficult to do. If you know how to cast on, knit, purl, increase, decrease, and bind off…you can make a sweater. I was pretty proud of myself when I finished…mostly because I’m not good at finishing projects. I’ve been the Queen of UFOs (unfinished objects) in the past. As a matter of fact, it was everything I could do to stay on task the last couple of days knitting that sweater. I was bored and ready to do something else. A new yarn. A new pattern. Learning a new technique. But I stuck to it and finished! Go ME!

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When I discovered the yarn shop in town last week, I bought two new yarns. One for making socks, and the other…I had no idea. I just liked it. It’s 100% merino wool. A light fingering weight. Perfect for making something light and airy…like a summer shawl. I sent Gail a picture of the yarn and told her the weight and how much of it I had. She sent me three patterns that would work well. The one I LOVED was the most difficult…errrrr, I mean…challenging.

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Gail has made this particular pattern many times. She agreed it was more challenging, but she seemed to think I could pull it off. Well, let me tell you…there IS a learning curve to this one. The most difficult is…it has a pattern. I mean, there are fourteen rows and you repeat that set of fourteen rows over and over till the shawl is as big as you want it to be. I found I had to write down where I was in the pattern or I would be lost. I’ve had to rip several rows at a time out and correct an error. It’s going to be one of those pieces that means a lot to me when I’m done because I poured so much into it. And, the more I look at it, the more I realize this may not be the perfect yarn. I think I’d rather have more of a speckled look. So…When Mr. FixIt called me in to see something funny on TV…I ripped out all the work I did today. That’s not a bad thing. I know know how to knit this shawl and I know I’d rather have a different yarn. I just wasn’t feeling it. I’m cool with that.

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I have my appointment with the surgeon today, and afterwards, I think I’ll go to town and look for a different yarn for this shawl. There is a knitting group that gathers on Tuesdays and I’d love to meet some knitters and make some more friends. It will be good for me.

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?

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“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

\nRomans 12:2 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-02-15T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/02/15/going-out-on-a-limb.html", "tags": ["Fun","Change","Crafts"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/02/07/facing-lifes-disappointments.html", "title": "Facing Life’s Disappointments", "content_html": "\n
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Ever since I received the long awaited diagnosis of primary hyperparathyroidism, I’ve been on a mission to find a cure. I became my own advocate and read everything I could find about the disease and how it affects the body. I researched physicians and medical centers for the best and most recent treatments. I joined a Facebook Support Group for people with pHPT and selected the world’s best surgical team to get this taken care of.

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Over and over, I read wonderful stories about people who were cured by having a simple surgical removal of the affected parathyroid gland(s). I was so hopeful and it never even occurred to me the first surgery would fail to cure my disease. I was so disappointed. After a little time to heal, I began my search anew. I looked closer to home. I found new hope in a new surgical team. The difference this time was…I knew I could be disappointed again.

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As it turned out, the missing parathyroid glands didn’t magically show up for the second surgery. That’s not to say there wasn’t some good news. It turned out, the second gland that was biopsied and deemed normal during the last surgery wasn’t normal this time. It was removed and sent to the lab, along with blood samples to test my PTH intraoperatively. I know when the surgeon received the results, he felt disappointment, just as he knew I would.

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I have been studying some bible devotionals the last couple of days on the subject of disappointment. One is called Tackling Disappointment by Susan Narjala. Here is a segment from today’s reading.

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“In the Bible we see Paul who prayed asking for God to take away the chronic physical pain. Three times he prayed. But God didn’t remove that “thorn” in Paul’s side. Did Paul retreat into devastating disappointment? No. Paul trusted that God had a purpose in not answering his prayers. Paul instead declares that he will boast in his weakness so the power of Christ may rest on him.\n\nBut, friend, remember this truth: God takes you through the valley experiences for a reason. Scripture reminds us in Isaiah 66:9, “In the same way I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born,” says the Lord.\n\nA place of disappointment can be a place of blessing. When He allows you to face discouraging circumstances, He has a purpose behind it. The question is whether you are allowing God to train you in that difficult season of disappointment.”
\n\n\n

I allowed myself a little pity party yesterday. I had great hopes that this surgeon would find the missing glands, remove any that were diseased, and cure me of this affliction. Then, after a little time sitting in my sorrow, I let it go. I will pray daily, and ask others to pray with me, that God himself will take this away from me. And, if He does not, then I ask that He brings me the grace and grit to carry it well and be my best self. It’s not the worst thing in the world. It’s not cancer. It’s not the failure of a major organ. It’s a niggling problem that can cause my bones to become brittle. It can make me cranky and give me pain and make my hair fall out. There are a lot of people who have to live with a lot worse things in life. We still don’t have the final word. It can take a year for the numbers to sort themselves out. In the meantime, I’m going to let myself heal, finish knitting a sweater, and get on with this beautiful life I’ve been given!

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❄️❤️❄️

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“Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus,”

\n1 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-02-07T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/02/07/facing-lifes-disappointments.html", "tags": ["Health","Hope","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/02/06/another-long-day.html", "title": "Another Long Day", "content_html": "\n
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I slept soundly the night after surgery. Still loaded with anesthesia and pain medications, I drifted off at a decent time. It helped that Mr. FixIt was also tired after being my helpmate so it was lights out early for us. I mentioned casually that if I felt better when I awoke yesterday morning, we could possibly go home. I should have known when my sweetheart came in to wake me up, he had plans. Oh, my gosh…I was so sore. I gradually dragged myself out of bed and into the kitchen for a cup of tea.

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There sat my Mr. FixIt, waiting expectantly on the corner of the couch, his suitcase packed and sitting on the floor beside him. His hopeful smile told me everything I needed to know. We were going home. I don’t blame him. Hotel furniture is not made to be comfortable, although the bed was divine! Our backs were complaining from sitting on that sofa so much and we both longed for our comfy recliners at home.

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I had my breakfast, loaded up on Tylenol and ibuprofen, and packed my bags. Mr. FixIt got us all loaded up and off we went. The roads weren’t bad, but there were places that could be icy, and he knew he was carrying tender cargo, so we took our time getting home. The trees were still encased in ice and the sun made them sparkle like a million diamonds. It was stunning. We stopped and picked Pumpkin up from the kennel and went to Walmart for a prescription and chicken noodle soup. And as soon as we got home, I went to bed and slept for a couple of hours.

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My voice is a little deep from the breathing tube. I’m tired and sore. And I headed to bed extraordinarily early. I did manage to knit a few rows on my sweater, both on the drive home, and in the recliner after my nap. But that’s about it. Just taking it slow and easy, resting and recovering. That’s what knitting and naps are for, right?

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❄️❤️❄️

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“Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”

\nProverbs 3:7-8 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-02-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/02/06/another-long-day.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Aging","Choices","Change","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/01/24/another-angelversary.html", "title": "Another Angelversary", "content_html": "\n
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Eighteen years ago I was having an argument with my mother. She had been sick for five days and refused to go to the hospital. She ended up dying. Sound familiar? One of my BFFs just died last month because she also refused to go to the hospital. As I lay there in the night, thinking of the similarities between the two, I was struck by how helpless I felt in both cases. I knew what was happening. I tried to tell them both what was happening. But neither one listened. They were both equally wonderful and equally stubborn women.

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One gone eighteen years. The other gone forty-two days. The pain is seared into the fiber of my being. When death comes to someone you love dearly, it changes you…just as loving them did. Every Sunday night, I want to reach for the phone and talk to my mom. Every night when I sit down to write, I want to check in with Diane to see how her day went. 

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I found out last evening that one of my Facebook friends died on Saturday. Evelyn was a widow, a sister in Christ, a fellow women camper, and an artist. She went through a terrible ordeal when she lost her husband. She was quite ill herself at the time and very nearly died. She fought her way back, became a speaker, and traveled around telling the story of how God saved her.

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Then she got covid. 

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I am torn. It hurts that she is gone and I won’t get to talk to her anymore. It makes me sad that there won’t be any more of her gorgeous wood carvings to grace my windowsill. It breaks my heart that she fought so hard to live when it would have been understandable if she would have let go in order to join her husband in Heaven. And I’m angry. Picture after picture, I have seen her socializing with others over the last two years No masks. No social distancing. No vaccine. She went out with friends for Christmas. Her smiling face will be there…looking out at her friends for however long Facebook is around. And we’ll know…

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Someone will say, “It was God’s will.” “We do not live one hour beyond our allotted time.” Still…God also created doctors and gave them knowledge and sent them to create medicines to help us. It reminds me of the story of the man who drowned in a flood. He refused the radio broadcast warning and the rowboat and the helicopter that came to rescue him from the flood saying, “No! I’m a praying man…God will save me!” He asked God why He didn’t save him and He said, “I sent you a radio broadcast, a man in a rowboat, and a helicopter! What more did you want?”

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I am practicing grace. There are people who are brokenhearted at the loss of their loved ones to this disease. In this moment, they are more wrapped up in the fact their loved one died and not as much in how or why. It’s just so hard when you worked in medicine…when you know the vaccine works in reducing the severity of illness and cuts down on the number of deaths. And still, people refuse…and people die. It makes me angry, and sad, and confused, and frankly…tired.

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Here is an interview with a medical ethicist about this very subject. [www.npr.org/2022/01/2...](https://www.npr.org/2022/01/23/1075168721/a-medical-ethicist-weighs-in-on-how-to-approach-treating-unvaccinated-people?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=news_tab)

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It’s been two years since the first case of Covid was documented in the United States. I’m tired of all this illness and death. I’m tired of life being different. I read a story this weekend about a Reddit thread where someone asked the question, “What do you see now that gives you pause when you didn’t think a thing about it before Covid?” Salad bars, blowing out candles on a birthday cake then serving it to others, shaking hands with strangers, wearing masks everywhere, tasting your best friend’s drink. Life will be forever changed by Covid. In many of the same ways a death changes us.

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What do you do differently now and can’t imagine going back to the old ways?

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❄️?❄️

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“For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it.”

\nEcclesiastes 12:7 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-01-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/01/24/another-angelversary.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/01/08/my-ipad-is-getting-smarter.html", "title": "My iPad is Getting Smarter", "content_html": "\n
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We’ve come a long way, baby!

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Every evening, I head to the back bedroom between 8:00 and 8:30 to write my posts. This is because…The Big Bang reruns are over for the night, and Mr. FixIt is ready to watch some detective drama. Not my cup of tea. This works for us. I’m always finished writing around 10:30 or 11:00 and I chat with my son-in-law’s mom for forty-five minutes or so to catch up with what’s going on in Colorado. By the time we are wrapping it up for the night, Mr. FixIt heads to bed and we watch some funny video or another for a little while, leaving the day on a note of laughter.

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I noticed last night, when I settled in to write, there was a notification along the top of the lock screen on my iPad that said, “Open Pages - based on your location in your home”. I’m not surprised by this. Electronic devices are designed to make our lives easier. My iPhone tells me where I parked. I get in my truck and, based on the precise location by GPS, my phone turns to “Driving Focus”. Text notifications are interrupted and an automated reply is sent to the person texting, telling them that I am driving and using “Do Not Disturb. Send a repeat text if it’s an emergency.” 

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Still…this is all so “Jetsons” to this Baby Boomer. Remember Dick Tracy’s wrist watch that he communicated through? We’re here now. I remember when I bought our first home computer when Daughter #1 was in…what? Eighth or ninth grade? Hubby #2 thought it was absolutely ridiculous and extravagant…kids were never going to need home computers! When the salesman was showing me how to use it, he commented that someday, women would carry computers a thousand times more powerful that this…in their handbags. Get…out! How could that be?

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The very first flip phone had more computer capabilities than the Lunar Landing Module. Think about that for a second. While we still don’t have personal jet packs, they’re building cars that drive autonomously. I’m a forward thinker. I love innovation and all things geeky. But I don’t know about driving with no hands. It’s one thing on a bicycle. It’s something else on an interstate with a ton of steel and plastic hurtling down the highway on its own.

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There are really good things that come with innovation. When I was a Diabetes Educator, self blood glucose monitoring was a new thing. I was invited to participate on an Advisory Board for LifeScan…later bought out by Johnson & Johnson…to design the next generation meter. It’s been fun to see those innovations we suggested in the mid-‘80s come to fruition along the way. But one idea eluded scientists for a long time. The sensor that you stick to your skin and it reads your blood sugar in real time…anytime, day or night…without sticking your finger. When I saw that on a commercial in the last year or so, I beamed. We thought of that…and, there it is!

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Electronic banking, automatic bill pay, instant messaging, Zoom meetings, FaceTime, online shopping…all things that have made the “Pandemic Era” more tolerable. Innovations arrive at what seems like lightning speed now. Online gambling…not so good. Cryptocurrency? Holy cats…how do they “mine” money out of thin air? How can it be worth something if you can’t touch it? Those of us who lived through the bursting of the internet bubble and the real estate collapse may have a little bit of trouble trusting such things.

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That’s the thing, isn’t it? We have SO much information thrown at us in a constant stream of data, our brains can’t keep up. It affects every part of life…not just technology. Things we actually saw and heard…with our own eyes and ears…just one year ago are now being denied by the people who did the things and said the stuff. It’s almost as if…there isn’t an electronic record…video and audio recordings of them actually SAYING and DOING it. We aren’t stupid people. We are often…misled. It’s kind of like a magician’s trick. The hand is quicker than the eye. And, any time we get too close to figuring out the trick…there’s a diversion. They’re banking on us forgetting. Or being so overwhelmed, we just don’t care anymore.

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It’s easy to be lulled into complacency when new innovations and new information and new technology is presented. I don’t think we can afford to close our eyes and ears and bury our heads in the sand. I come from the generation to whom the directive…Question Authority…was our buzzword. “Critical Thinking 101” should be added to the buzzwords of the 21st Century. I try to use my faith as a measuring stick and look critically at those who deliver information and compare them to the ways of Jesus instead of just accepting what the world is telling me.

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In the meantime, my iPad knows when it’s time to write. Now…when it starts bringing me tea and cookies, I’ll be happy.

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?

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“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”

\nRomans 12:1-2 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-01-08T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/01/08/my-ipad-is-getting-smarter.html", "tags": ["Faith","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Insight","Home"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/01/01/so-long-betty.html", "title": "So Long, Betty!", "content_html": "\n
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I think it’s rather fitting that, on the last day of what was probably one of our most challenging years since WWII…God would take Betty home. I think those who really enjoyed Betty White’s sassy sense of humor truly wish we could have helped her celebrate her 100th birthday. Then again, maybe she just knew when it was time to make a graceful exit. 

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I’ve always loved Betty’s depiction of Rose on Golden Girls. The ditzy widow from St. Olaf, Minnesota cracked me up time after time. Mr. FixIt and I love to end our days snuggled under the covers and watching funny comedy clips. We often watch Dorothy, Blanche, Rose, and Sophia as they share a home in Miami and laugh at their antics. While the rest of the cast is certainly funny, it’s Rose that steals the show for me.

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It’s hard to believe 2021 is finally over. I swear, this seemed like the year that would NEVER end. It was full of challenges. But it was full of beauty, too. There was travel, camping, visitors, family, old friends and new friends, birthdays, anniversaries. There were campfires and cookouts, antiquing and baking, gathering and letting go. Goodbyes are some of the hardest things we have to endure in life…and there were too many of those this year. 

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Our first rule of the new year…don’t dwell on what went wrong last year. We ended the year full of hope for 2022. 

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May you and yours enjoy safety, good health, and prosperity in the year to come!

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Happy New Year!

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?

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““Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

\nIsaiah 43:18-19 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-01-01T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/01/01/so-long-betty.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","Holiday","Aging","Change","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/29/camping-round-two.html", "title": "Camping: Round Two", "content_html": "\n
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I was totally prepared to sleep in the camper on Monday night. I was all settled in with my electric blanket and my writing implements. I listened to the rain on the roof and all was right with the world. Then…at 11:30, my phone rang. The caller ID said RoboCall so I didn’t pick up. There was a voicemail and it turned out to be the electric company. Earlier in the evening when it was raining hard, there was a flicker in the electric. The microwave clock reset and beeped when the power came back on. I didn’t think anything of it. This happens all the time in the country. We have an ancient power grid that they are constantly working on to upgrade. Anyway, the message said that sometime between 12:30 and 3:30am the power would be off for an emergency repair. 

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Seeing as how I was in a camper and the only heat source I could use was electric, I packed up my little overnight bag and went back inside. Mr. FixIt and I have a fun routine where we watch comedy clips before we go to sleep every night. So we settled in to watch. Along about 12:30, sure enough, the electric went off. But it came back on within a few minutes. So, I suppose the repair wasn’t that complicated. 

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I was sitting in the living room yesterday afternoon, knitting and watching old Andy Griffith reruns while Mr. FixIt snored in his recliner. It was about 3:00 when he woke up and looked at the weather. He said, “It’s going to be in the 60’s by 9:00 tonight. You should try sleeping in the camper again!” Well, you don’t have to ask me twice! I stuffed my things in my bag, kissed him on the forehead and headed back out.

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He knows what sleeping in the camper or at the farm means to me. He understands me. He knows that I need regular alone time to recharge and commune with God. He also understands how rough the last couple of weeks have been for me. I’m so appreciative of him and his sweet heart.

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When I was out in the camper Monday night, we were texting and I mentioned how I missed having my little hobnail milk glass lamp out in the camper with me. I took it in when I cleaned out the camper after our last trip. It was raining really hard or I would have gone back in for it. I got busy writing my post and forgot all about the lamp. But I did need some sort of light source and I hated to turn on the overhead lights. They are so harsh. I thought about it for a minute and I got an idea.

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My phone was plugged into the charger. I turned the flashlight on and laid the phone on the nightstand, face down with the light shining straight up. I took a full water bottle (tightly sealed and dry) and sat it down right on top of the light coming out of the back of my phone. Voila! Instant lamp. It wasn’t bright enough to read by, but it was enough to help me see the keyboard if I needed to as I wrote.

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I love it when a bright idea strikes and you can figure out a new way of doing things. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing this week. Figuring out new ways of doing things in my life. What is it they say? The true definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I’m tired of trying the same old things and not getting the results I want. Change is my middle name, so I have absolutely no problem trying something new. What always makes me stumble is finding the motivation…finding that one moment that meets the threshold of what I’m willing to accept. I met that this week. I’m smart enough to not expect major changes to come overnight. But I’m also a bulldog…I can work relentlessly when needed to affect transformation in my life. I’ve done it before…I’ll do it again!

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Just spending this little time out here in the camper has helped tremendously. Thank you, Mr. FixIt…for loving me enough to let me fly.

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❄️

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“But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity. Amen.”

\n2 Peter 3:18 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-29T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/29/camping-round-two.html", "tags": ["Growth","Change","Healing","Big Bird"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/22/the-winter-solstice.html", "title": "The Winter Solstice", "content_html": "\n
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The only real celebration I observe for the Winter Solstice is letting out a huge sigh of relief. The days will start getting longer now…by imperceptible increments…until some day a few weeks from now we’ll notice it’s not dark all the time. I am a craver of light. My father walked along behind me turning off the lights in the house. I wanted MORE lights! My former husbands did the same thing. When I finally bought my own home after Hubby #2 and I split up, I didn’t put one curtain up…much to my neighbors chagrin, I imagine. I just couldn’t stand to not catch every moment of light possible. When Mr. Virgo came along, unfortunately TV and window curtains came with him. Small price to pay, but still…I hated both.

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Mr. FixIt and I live out on five acres with no close neighbors. There is, however, a large picture window on the end of the house facing our dirt road and when the lights are on, there’s no way to hide in there. When I first moved in here with my sweetheart, there were heavy, dark, blackout curtains on the windows and the bottom half of the room was painted very deep, dark green. It was a cave and I couldn’t breathe! The first thing I did was rip the curtains off the windows and throw them away. They were old and the gas from the heat had deteriorated the stitching. 

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That helped a great deal. But there was still not enough light, so within a week of moving in, we painted the walls a very soft blue/grey that was bright enough to not be garish, yet soothing enough to make you sit down and sigh. I love that room. We have a 58” television on the end opposite the window. If I’m home alone, I often turn on the “fireplace channel” and sit there knitting and rocking in my chair. It’s so soothing. However, the other day, I took the trash out and when I turned around, I caught the view through the full glass storm door and it honestly looked like the living room was on fire! I feel bad for my neighbors when they drive by…I’m sure they’ve done a number of double takes as they drive by.

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I mean, it’s not like we’re running around “au buffo” or anything. At first, this was a totally new thing for Mr. FixIt…no curtains??? I swear he went along with it because we were so newly in love, he would have crawled through ground glass to make me happy. By now he’s used to it. I bought him a clear acrylic bird feeder that sticks onto the picture window with suction cups so we can watch the birds sweep in and eat just inches from us. 

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Oh…speaking of birds. I saw a picture the other day doing the rounds on Facebook. It showed an iron skillet with fat in it from having cooked bacon probably. It suggested you put oats in the fat to absorb it and put it out for the birds. Well, before I do ANYTHING regarding birds, I consult my local bird expert, Julie Zickefoose. I sent her the picture and asked if it was ok to do. She answered with a resounding ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! Salt and nitrates are horrible for birds so DON’T DO THAT! If you see it floating around, please share that warning with the person who posts it. Thanks! We love our birds and we want to do what’s best for them!

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We saw our family doctor for the last time…he’s retiring and yesterday was his last day. Hubby #2 is also a retired physician and we have had some discussion about the emotional lability involved with such a major change. Some people think they’re not going to have a bit of trouble transitioning to retirement, then they find there are a lot more emotions involved in it that they expected. I warned our doctor of that. He looked at me like maybe I had gone round the bend. Then he said, “You know…you’re probably right.” Some people take to retirement like a duck to water. That’s how I was. But to others, there’s a lot of their “self” wrapped up in their career. I just wanted to give him a head’s up so he wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what happened.

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We went to Sam’s to get scallops for Christmas Dinner. My sweet, frugal husband looked at the bag and put them back. “Oh, I don’t really need them that bad.” I marched right passed him, picked up that bag of frozen scallops and said, “It’s Christmas and you work hard. You’re having these!” He just smiled sheepishly. Then I went over to the meat department and picked out the most extravagant yet reasonably priced delicacy I could find and chose a lovely package of lamb chops. Mr. Virgo taught me how to make them grilled with a marinade of orange juice and maple syrup with a touch of rosemary. They are the BEST!

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We helped a friend jump start his car. We picked up the two new sets of pots and pans he bought for us with his friends and family discount. We delivered the former Mrs. FixIt her set. Then we went to the grandkid’s farm to see the new puppy. When we got home, I baked two batches of chocolate chip cookies and that was it for me for the day. Today I’ll bake more, then we can deliver cookies to the neighbors on Christmas Eve.

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The days will slowly grow longer now. But as they do, there will be knitting and baking and other projects to be done around the house. Lots of birds to watch. Lots of sunsets and life moments to catch with my camera. Lots of words to write. Make some memories this week, people. I’ve again been reminded how quickly life is gone.

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❄️

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“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”

\nProverbs 16:3 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-22T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/22/the-winter-solstice.html", "tags": ["Change","Farm Life","In the Kitchen"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/18/heavy-sigh.html", "title": "Heavy Sigh", "content_html": "\n
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I had kinda forgotten what grief feels like in your body. It’s been over eight years now since I lost Mr. Virgo. I forgot the heavy sighs…that feeling like you just can’t quite take in a deep enough breath. I forgot the deep ache in my chest that physically feels like you’ve been punched in the solar plexus. I forgot how your body hurts…sort of like when you’re coming down with a bad cold.

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I have no real appetite. The tears sit behind my eyes till they can’t anymore then they spill over. I know my friend is fine now. I know the pain she had in her back is gone and she’s healed and beautiful and young and free. She’s probably got the angels rolling in the aisles…if they have aisles in Heaven. She’s with her sister and her mom and her dad and all her loved ones that left before us. She’s probably already looked up every musician she ever loved that’s gone before us and is listening to better live music than any she sought out here.

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But, I’m selfish. I want to keep texting with her and laughing at the absurdities of people and life in general. I want to meet her for dinner and go sit by the river and listen to some great guitar aficionado. I want her to answer all my questions, like “Who do I call to get a new roof on the house?” I want her to text me in the morning to say, “Link’s broken” so I’ll know to go fix my morning post. I want her to call me from her car as she is heading to yet another meeting just to tell me they’re having a sale on turkeys at the Pig.

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We are gathering today to remember…seriously, the funniest woman I’ve ever known. And the world is a little less sparkly. She didn’t want a service. She just wanted her friends to gather and share stories and laugh. I’ll bet dollars to donuts there will be music by the Zac Brown Band playing in the background at the funeral home. I sent photos from my phone to add to those collected from her many other friends for a slide show.

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It’s just barely begun to feel real to me. I went all day yesterday without crying. Because I know she’s ok. I know we can’t understand why God takes people when He does. I know there’s nothing I could have done to change the course of Sparky’s passing. I think it’s perfectly natural to feel some guilt. You know…all the “if onlys” and “I should haves”. A wise friend told me to put that **** in a bag, tie it up tight, and give it to God…and DON’T keep taking it back and peeking in to see if He’s taken care of it for you.

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It’s not easy to say goodbye to someone who was such a huge part of your everyday life. But, I’ll learn to navigate around the Sparky-sized hole in my heart and I won’t fall in every time I think of her. I can hear her now. She could swear till a sailor blushed. The socially acceptable version would sound something like, “Snap out of it!” Yeah…that’s not what I’ll hear her saying though. If you knew her…you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you didn’t, you can well imagine.

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I am actually looking forward to gathering with our friends and fellow classmates and sharing our grief and our memories. I can guarantee there will be tears…but there will be plenty of laughter, too. So, my dear Sparky…it’ll never be goodbye. It’ll only be…wait for us among the stars. We’ll be along, one of these days. Till then…this song’s for you.

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Bittersweet by Zac Brown Band

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❄️

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“Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.”

\n1 John 3:2 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-18T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/18/heavy-sigh.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/14/never-miss-a-chance-to.html", "title": "Never Miss a Chance to Say I Love You", "content_html": "\n
\"RPod
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“Converting the sofa to a spare bed in the RPod 196!”

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I am crushed. I found out yesterday one of my dearest friends in the world has passed away. Sparky was short but she loved big. She gave selflessly to the underprivileged and had a huge heart for animals. She told me she was one cat shy of being an official Cat Lady. She shot from the hip and didn’t pull punches. If you ticked her off, she’d tell you so to your face. We sent all those “not safe for work” memes that you can’t put on your Facebook page but that we thought were uproariously funny. She adored live music and went every chance she got. We chatted almost every day`and never went more than just a few days without checking in.

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We graduated from high school together…Mr. Fixit and Sparky and me. Although we didn’t know each other until the Days of Facebook, we had become very close. She made me a better person…sometime kicking me in the butt to do it. She was at our wedding. She called from the car all the time. I’m not sure how to navigate again.

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One of my favorite memories with Sparky was when I was pulling the Girl Camper Raffle Trailer around to the State Parks here in West Virginia. She was NOT a camper…not by any stretch of the imagination. So, when she texted me and said she had a surprise for me, I had no idea what to expect. Turns out, she wanted to go camping with me so I could write about it. You know, what it’s like to take a non-camper camping. We had a blast, but I have to say…she informed me she would NEVER be doing that again! You can read about it HERE.  

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Sparky and I said I love you every once in a while when we hung up the phone. It was usually after we found out someone we knew had passed away. When I first came to West Virginia to live after Mr. Virgo died, one of our friends lost her son in a freak accident. Sparky and I went to the viewing together. It was the first time I’d set foot in a funeral home since Mr. Virgo was in one. I don’t know what she read on my face, but she waited an appropriate time then grabbed me by the arm and said, “Let’s get some air.” She always seemed to know what you needed and if she could give it to you, she knew where you could get it.

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We cannot go through life without losing people we love. And we can’t live and love people without getting on each other’s nerves from time to time. But please…please…please, don’t ever miss the opportunity to let the people you love know that. Make it weird. Hug them. Give them goofy cards. Send them funny memes. Tell them they make a difference in your life. It gives me comfort that Sparky knew exactly how much I cared for her. 

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Till we meet again, my friend.

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❄️

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“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.””

\nRevelation 21:4 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-14T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/14/never-miss-a-chance-to.html", "tags": ["Grief","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/21/selling-my-firstborn-for-an.html", "title": "Selling my Firstborn for an iPhone", "content_html": "\n
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Where the magic happens…the camera on the iPhone 13 Pro Max

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So, we went to town yesterday and got new cell phones. Mr. FixIt didn’t even HAVE a cell phone till his work finally insisted on it. Then, he relied on a flip phone and only used it for the rare phone call. He did try to take pictures on it. Remember that? You had a teeny tiny little screen to look at. I suppose we downloaded them onto our computers, but the resolution was so poor, you could hardly tell what or who was in the photo. 

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When I came along, I pulled Mr. FixIt kicking into the technological age of smartphones…something he vowed he had absolutely NO use for. Except…I travel a lot, and I was headed to Colorado for a month. We were a pretty new item and we wanted to FaceTime with each other, so I talked him into getting an iPhone. Now…if I would have been with him, he would have had one with an adequate size memory. As it was, he purchased the smallest one he could get and before a year was out, he had the memory full to the point he had to delete things in order to take pictures. Not to mention the thing hadn’t been updated in three years because…there was not enough memory.

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He still doesn’t need the fanciest, but I did have him get a phone with four times the memory in it and the camera is going to blow him away. For a man who never used a phone much, he’s now an avid news and facebook scrolling, picture taking, checkers playing aficionado now! I’ve created a monster! lol

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I, however, use my phone…a LOT. Mostly for photos for this blog and doing research as I write on my iPad. I started drooling over the photos people are producing on the iPhone 13 Pro, and once you get into that range, you might as well spring the extra and get the bigger screen. My eyesight isn’t exactly improving as I age. 

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I look at my phone now as a computer. I rarely use my laptop and desktop computers anymore. My phone and my iPad are my office, so I justify the upgrade as improving my efficiency and the content you see here. I can’t wait to share new and improved photographs with you!

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?

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“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

\n‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/21/selling-my-firstborn-for-an.html", "tags": ["Writing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/18/sitting-at-the-cool-kids.html", "title": "Sitting at the Cool Kids’ Table", "content_html": "\n
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I won’t say my childhood sucked, because there were some really great parts of it. But, due to some of the situations I was placed in as a child, my self esteem took a giant hit and I never felt like I was enough. Or, maybe I was “too much”. Whatever…I never really felt like I fit in. I had a tight core of friends. There were a few bullies. And, there were all these people who didn’t give me the time of day. I grew up thinking it was because they didn’t like me. I internalized it to mean there was something wrong with me.

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It took me a long time, and a lot of therapy, to work my way through some unfortunate events of my youth. Living in Colorado, I never really faced any of the people I thought didn’t like me, save for the class reunion every five years. The reunions still felt…cliquish. I went to West Virginia every summer and only hooked up with my old group of high school friends. Nothing ever changed…until Mr. Virgo died.

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There is nothing…absolutely NOTHING good about losing your spouse. However, you CAN find good in the rebuilding of a life. When I took off in that little camper to heal my grief one campfire at a time, I didn’t realize the ripple effect that period of intense mourning and introspection would have on other areas of my life. One of the most significant changes I made was letting go of fear. 

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Fear had been my constant companion since my early childhood. I saw things and experienced things children shouldn’t see or experience. You can’t unring a bell. I created unhealthy coping strategies because I was too young to know anything about…well, much of anything. When I lost Mr. Virgo and went into the wilderness alone, I had to sit with myself…talk with myself…learn from myself. As I worked on healing my grief, I also worked on healing that wounded child within.

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That was some of the most amazing personal growth I’ve ever done and I came out of it an entirely different person. There’s nowhere I feel that more than when I’m hanging out with the “kids” I graduated with. 

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I had every intention of staying out at the farm last night, but two things happened. One, the little dorm fridge I bought for the farm didn’t keep the dinner I bought frozen. And, since it was fish, I figured I’d be eating bananas and Oreos for supper. Then, I got a message from a high school friend asking if I was coming to the restaurant to see her. I thought it was tonight. Turns out it was last night. So, change of plans.

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It’s a forty mile drive to town from the farm and that’s forty West Virginia miles. I got there a little bit late, but there was a table full of 1971 graduates, just tucking into their meals and heavy into their stories. I ordered a Diet Coke and made my rounds greeting everyone. I finally found a seat near Ruthie…the gal that organized this little soirée. Ruthie recently moved back to West Virginia from Las Vegas. As I looked around the table there were only a couple of these beautiful people that I really KNEW in high school. The rest I’ve come to know as adults…simply because Mark Zuckerberg wanted to connect college students at Harvard and created Facebook.

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I sat and watched as everyone told stories and laughed and it struck me. Here were a bunch of people that ran around in entirely different social circles as kids. Yet as adults, there is so much common ground…merely because we walked the halls of the same school at the same time. Our class has been particularly tight. I don’t know if it was the era we grew up in or what, but we bond easily the older we get. Maybe it’s just something that happens when we age. We are less concerned with petty differences and we’re here for the party now. Because we don’t know when the ball will drop.

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Anyway, I had a blast catching up with these very cool people and I’ll look forward to seeing them again whenever I can. Hopefully we can actually hold our 50th reunion next year since Covid cancelled it this year. 

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You wanna know what I think is the best thing about being sixty-eight? EVERY table is the “cool kids’ table”!

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?

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“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

\nProverbs 17:17 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-18T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/18/sitting-at-the-cool-kids.html", "tags": ["Growth","Gratitude","Aging","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/12/summers-reprise.html", "title": "Summer’s Reprise", "content_html": "\n
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It seems I drive a lot…more than I care to, actually. But it just seems there’s always something that draws me to town. I told you earlier that my truck needs brake work, so we ordered new rotors. They were supposed to arrive on Wednesday, but didn’t get here till yesterday. Which actually worked out perfectly. We had our family Thanksgiving yesterday at the former Mrs. FixIt’s house, so we dropped the truck off at the garage on the way.

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Earlier in the day, I drove out to the farm to drop off some things for Frank and Beans and to see if they’d received any mail for me. Even though I complain about being away from home too much, I do love to drive because it affords me my best thinking time. As I was driving home, the sun was slanting through the trees and turning the leaves a fiery red, gold, yellow and a deep bittersweet orange. I thought of the term…Indian Summer.

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The term has been around for at least 200 years. It describes that period of abnormally warm weather after the first frost. It was probably given the name since this was the harvest season for the Native Americans and it was know as the Indian’s Summer. Meteorologists have used the term for decades. It conjures up Friday night football, raking leaves, the smell of woodsmoke, and whatever activity that takes you outside to enjoy the last glimpse of summer before she says goodbye and Old Man Winter takes over.

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I have become more sensitive and empathetic since losing Mr. Virgo. Part of what has changed for me is the ability to stand in someone else’s shoes, if even for a brief moment. Many terms have been altered and modernized as we become more aware how our words and names affect others. Our nomenclature should evolve as the world changes…as we change. I thought about “Indian Summer” and I wondered what term would be equally descriptive without being offensive to a particular ethnic group. 

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Summer’s Reprise. That is what I came up with. Reprise literally means to “repeat the performance of”. And…it’s a lyrical term. It conjures up the same images of the former “Indian Summer” and adds a hint of musical grace to it. It is nature’s second rising…an encore, if you will. Not to be confused with the negative connotation of “reprisal” which means an act of retaliation.

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Yes…Summer’s Reprise. A time to bask in the sun for one last chance at that extra squeeze of Vitamin D. One last hurrah before the rain comes (as it is doing even as I write this) and steals away Autumn’s glorious gown and dashes it to a muddy heap on the forest floor. All of this came to me as I drove my 385 horsepower “leaf blower” through the countryside…looking in the rear view mirror as the leaves whirled up behind me…sweeping the roadway clean.

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Our Thanksgiving meal was wonderful. It was great to see almost all of the family. One group didn’t attend. Our great granddaughter came running to me and clung to me like I was her most prized possession. Her little brother wrapped his arms around my neck and gave me a big squeeze. The bigs and the littles…the old and the young…gathering around a fire, balancing heaping plates of delicious food on our knees…thanking God for the bounty, the company, and yes…Summer’s Reprise.

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?

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“Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!”

\nPsalm 107:1 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/12/summers-reprise.html", "tags": ["Family","West Virginia","Gratitude","Holiday","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/04/jack-frost-nipping-at-your.html", "title": "Jack Frost Nipping at Your Nose", "content_html": "\n
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Holy Camping Gear, Batman!

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Ol’ Jack Frost came and bit our gardens Tuesday night. We awoke yesterday before dawn to 30 degrees. I didn’t get a picture of the elephant ears. They were the most obviously damaged of all the plants. What were great big beautiful leaves turned into limp dishrags hanging from the tall stems. I’ll try to get photos today.

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I finally sat down to sort through all the camping gear yesterday. Our living room looks like a tornado hit it, but I made considerable progress. I threw away a lot of things that I knew we’d never use that weren’t in good enough condition to keep. I also threw out a ton of just trash. Living in a big camper for three years allowed me to accumulate a boat load of “stuff”. For example, I somehow ended up with three cans of slide lubricant…a dry silicone spray that you use on the slide outs in big campers. I don’t have a camper with slide outs now, but the cans are full and I can use them on other things. But…three? This is what happens when things are in such disarray that you cannot find what you need so it’s easier to just buy more. The first law in downsizing is to stay organized. The second law in downsizing is to stop buying crap that makes you disorganized. Did I tell you I’m a work in progress?

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I helped Mr. FixIt a little bit today. He was finally at the point where he was ready to “bleed the brakes”. I learned a lot about how brakes work and what’s involved in changing them by watching him. I had to sit in the truck and pump the brakes and hold pressure. We repeated this several times as he tightened the brake lines to stop small leaks. Then, I had to pump them, hold the pressure, then press hard as he let out the air in the lines. 

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When I was sitting in the truck, waiting for Mr. FixIt to make the adjustments on the brakes, I was feeling a moment of impatience…like if I had my phone, I could play a game, or check the news. Then I laughed out loud at the absurdity of the notion that I needed anything more than feeling the warm sun on my face and seeing how bright my silver hair is in the sunshine and being out here helping my husband. I looked up and it took my breath away. Thin, wispy clouds were swirled across the brilliant blue of the November sky like a watercolor painting. Oh, it was so pretty! Love the simple things, y’all. Just love every minute of it because it’s gone so, so soon.

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I’ve always enjoyed mechanical things. When I was really little, my dad would put a towel on the truck fender and lay me across it so I could watch him work. When I was a teenager, I had to know how to check all the fluids, add oil, antifreeze, and windshield washer fluid, and change a tire before I could get my license. Mr. FixIt taught me how to change the oil in my truck. I’ve only done it a couple of times because my wrists are losing strength. I’d love to be able to do something like change my brake pads, but I think this time…at the very least…I’m going to need to have my rotors turned because my brakes vibrate when I push them down. That happens when they get too hot, which can easily happen when towing a camper. It’ll be time to get mine done soon.

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The pool has been winterized, as have both campers, and the farm. We still have lots to do before the snow flies, but we’re making progress! Unfortunately…we are fast approaching those potential snows. I’m dumbfounded that it’s the first week of November already! Where DOES the time go???

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?

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“But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.”

\n2 Peter 3:8 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-04T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/04/jack-frost-nipping-at-your.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/02/the-queen-of-soft-edges.html", "title": "The Queen of Soft Edges", "content_html": "\n
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I saw a picture of my friend Jack, sitting in the driveway surrounded by Trick or Treaters. He was in his element. Jack was my daughters’ psychology teacher in high school. He was our neighbor. He is friend to just about everyone he meets. He is a great storyteller. He’s colorful and deep and has an ever present smile. When I commented on the photo, I posted “King Jack, holding court!” He wrote back, “I am the king of soft edges and play, I think.”

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I couldn’t agree more.

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I got to thinking about that. I am proud to say I am a “Queen of Soft Edges”. I’m posting the accompanying photo to show the difference between then and now and how I got all those soft edges. You may have seen this picture floating around Facebook. It’s a reminder to the girls of today…we may be Boomers, we may be gray, but we were super cool…back in the day.

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I mean…look at us. We owned the planet. We acted like it, anyway. Inside, we were more than likely a bowl of jelly…totally unsure of ourselves…all legs and hair and feigned coolness. I don’t know about you, but I had a whole boatload of sharp edges in my young adulthood. I wasn’t always empathetic. I was too often self centered. I had a lot of hurts and hurt people hurt people.  

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There’s a funny thing about the School of Hard Knocks. If you rap the edges of flint, you get sharp edges that cut like a knife. If you take a piece of marble, you can rap on it and shape it into something it isn’t…a statue…an imitation of something else. But, if you take sandstone, you can chip and nibble and sand away till it’s smooth and soft and lays in your hand gently.

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We all go through the School of Hard Knocks to some extent. It’s what you’re made of that determines your outcome. You can change your make up at any time. You can give up being flint and having a cutting edge. You can give being marble and becoming something you aren’t. You can choose to be sandstone…like peachblow,for instance…glowing softly with lovely, smooth edges. Water rolls off. It’s strong enough to build buildings and soft enough to smooth with your hands. I like the idea of being a Queen of Soft Edges…among other things. I love that I am softer now. Life has knocked off most of my sharp edges and I go with the flow a lot easier than I used to.

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We arrived safely in Columbus at around 5:00. I was not happy with the hotel I initially booked because it had the doors that open to the outside. I like a interior hallway for safety. I had reserved through the hotel.com app. You can make a reservation without paying up front. I went in and asked to cancel and told them why. The young man behind the desk directed me to a nice hotel just a little ways down the street. It was much better, and once they found out I am a patient oat OSU, they gave me a reduced rate that was better than the other hotel. Free breakfast, I get points for my stay, they gave me a full sheet of restaurants that deliver or have curbside service. We ordered soup and salad from Roosters and it was wonderful and affordable. This will be our go to hotel when I come here for medical services.

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It’s supposed to get down to 29 degrees tonight! Time to get the warm jammies and fuzzy slippers out!

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?

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“Brothers, do not be children in your thinking. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking be mature.”

\n1 Corinthians 14:20 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-02T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/02/the-queen-of-soft-edges.html", "tags": ["Courage","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/01/its-november.html", "title": "It’s November!", "content_html": "\n
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Between the rainstorms of the last week, I’ve finished mowing here on our little slice of heaven. Here’s hoping it’s the last time till next year. Don’t get me wrong…you KNOW how much I love my riding mower, but I tell ya…by this time of year, I’m ready for a break. My bonus son called today and asked his dad to go to the driving range to hit some golf balls, so I was at home alone for a few hours.

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I decided to attack the stuff we took out of TOW-Wanda when we hauled her up for the trade in. I bought several big tubs at Sam’s the other day to use for storing camping gear, but I’m determined to only save what we will actually use. In that vein, I sat with a trash can in front of me, going through the baskets and storage tubs I hauled around in that big camper for the last eight years.

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There were bits and bobs…things that will come in handy. Connectors, tools, markers that actually still work. There were name tags from several camping events I attended, which brought back some wonderful memories. There were birthday cards, a picture of Daughter #2 in her Halloween costume when she was probably nine or ten, a couple rolls of foil. I whittled down three baskets into one. I put bigger items in the tubs, labeling the lids with their contents to make things easier to find later on. These will all be placed in a storage room downstairs. 

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The light started to change in late afternoon so I set everything aside and went out with my phone to take some photos of the colors. I love when the light is golden and so are the leaves. It just sets the tone and the hills are ablaze with glorious color. It was so beautiful!

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I put Pumpkin kitty in her building early because…you know, a black cat on Halloween. It’s dangerous to leave them outside. Mr. FixIt came home and, not knowing she was in there, opened the garage door to put his golf clubs away. Zip…out she went. He did everything he could do to entice her back inside but she was having none of it. I would have given anything to have a video of him trying to herd a spunky kitty back inside for the night. I went and got her treats and set one down. Here. Here. Here. Till I walked her close enough to the building to pick her up, give her a little scritch behind the ears, and tuck her in for safe keeping…again.

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We are heading to Columbus today to stay the night for an early doctor’s appointment tomorrow. This is just a physical exam before they schedule me for the selective parathyroid venous catheterization that’s been ordered. The sestimibi scan was negative. So was the 4D-CT scan. This is the next step. It’s done like a cardiac cath, but the catheter takes random blood samples from different arteries in the neck and chest area. Each sample is labeled for its particular location and the PTH (parathyroid hormone) level is tested. 

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Ideally, there will be a high level in one artery that indicates the offending parathyroid gland is swimming upstream there. This allows the endocrine surgeon to hone in on the correct area and hopefully remove that bad boy and get this disease over with. Yeah…I’m not real excited about this one, but I can’t ignore this disease. It never goes away on its own and it can knock many years off your life. So I don’t really have a choice. I’ve got the ultimate Healer walking with me every step of the way, guiding the physicians and surgeons to fix me. 

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?

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I hope you had a beautiful weekend!

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???

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“And Jesus answered them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.”

\nLuke 5:31 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/01/its-november.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/10/26/my-get-up-and-go.html", "title": "My Get Up and Go, Got Up and Went", "content_html": "\n
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Even though I have a list as long as my arm of things I want to get done before the snow flies, I didn’t get much accomplished yesterday. Since we had our Covid boosters on Sunday, I kind of expected yesterday to be a bit of a slack off our usual schedule. I wasn’t wrong. I don’t feel BAD. No headache, no fever, no body aches any worse than my baseline. Just didn’t have a lot of juice is the only way I can describe it. My arm is sore, but not as sore as the last two shots. So, overall…I’m good.

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I finished winterizing the new camper. While I was out there, I could hear a repetitive series of four beeps in the distance. Once I was finished, I went to investigate and it was Birdie…chirping! It turned out, I left a bucket of water with a little cleaner in it. And Sunday night, we went out and closed the ceiling vent because rain was coming. I think the combo of the cleaner and the vent being closed set off the CO/Propane monitor. That and the fact that the battery ran down because the camper hasn’t been plugged in for a couple of weeks. I set up the trickler on the battery and reset the monitor and the beeping magically went away.

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By this time, we were both ready for supper. I bought a London Broil for $15 on sale Saturday and set it in the fridge in a bowl of marinade. I turned it yesterday morning and let it set another 24 hours in the fridge. I have never broiled anything in this oven before and it took longer to get to internal temperature than I thought it would. It didn’t turn out quite as tender as I had hoped it would, but it was very tasty. We’ll use the leftovers for sandwiches, steak salad, and fajitas this week. That will simplify meal prep.

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We had rain off and on yesterday. I changed the bedding and put the electric blanket on. I love a warm bed in a very cool room. Mr. FixIt, however, loves a warm room with a very light blanket. I have slowly weaned him from that by making sure the electric blanket is really warm when he comes to bed. It just doesn’t make any sense to me to warm up the house for the few seconds it takes to undress and hop under the covers. There are many things we both compromise on and, after all, we’ve only been married three years. We’re still finding areas where we can give and take. I topped off the bed with this really sweet vintage quilt I picked up somewhere along the way. I love sleeping under a quilt. It seems like all the love that went into each square wraps itself around me and makes me feel at peace.

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I was looking at my Facebook memories yesterday and found these great pictures I took on an outing at a local nursery…pre-Mr. FixIt. While spring and summer are my favorite seasons, I think I love fall the most when it comes to photography. I love the warm and cozy vibe you get on cloudy, misty days. I’m definitely NOT a pumpkin spice and Hallmark movie kinda gal, but I do love a big baggy sweater and leggings and great boots with maybe a barn jacket thrown over it with a scarf if it’s really chilly. I’m a falling leaves and cocoa and a great cookbook lover. I’m the happiest when I have something yummy in the oven making the house smell divine. Maybe by the weekend, I’ll have all this camping gear organized and put away for the winter and the family room will be livable again. One can only hope!

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???

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“he will give the rain for your land in its season, the early rain and the later rain, that you may gather in your grain and your wine and your oil.”

\nDeuteronomy 11:14 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-10-26T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/10/26/my-get-up-and-go.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Change","Birdie","Big Bird"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/10/22/how-country-living-has-changed.html", "title": "How Country Living Has Changed Me", "content_html": "\n
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I awoke to the tippy tap sound of gentle rain on the roof of the camper. It sounds the same as my first camper…Little TOW-Wanda. It had a metal roof. Big TOW-Wanda had a rubber roof and I was always disappointed that the sound of the rain was so muffled. And now…Big Bird! Her roof is metal and reminds me a lot of Grandma’s house at the farm.

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We had a leisurely breakfast then hung around till midday at the camper. When it was lunch time, we headed to town. We stopped at Menard’s first and bought a leaf blower to blow the leaves off the camper. Then we went to Red Robin for our later lunch, early supper. They have great burgers. I especially love the plant based Impossible Burger. 

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When we were finished eating, we went over to the Polaris Mall and walked around. On our way over there, we drove past block after block of strip malls with big name stores and I quickly became overwhelmed by all the shopping opportunities. We drove through the parking lot of the mall, looking for an empty spot. Just as we turned off the engine, huge drops of rain began to fall and we rushed from the car to the door to keep from getting wet.

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We parked outside of Macy’s. I always park at a store entrance so I can remember where I parked. When we walked in the door, this was what we walked into. Christmas. I know…it comes early every year now. And will so much stuff sitting on ships waiting to be unloaded, we are liable to face an entirely different holiday season than what we are accustomed to.

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Remember back in April 2020 when we’d say, “When this all blows over in a couple of months, then we can _____________”?  (Fill in the blank with anything remotely normal.) and now, here we are, getting ready for another holiday season with the trickle down effects of the pandemic still nipping us at the heels. I won’t get into a long discussion about how this might have all been avoided. That’s not what this post is about. It’s about ants.

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As we walked around the mall, people were milling about. I’m not used to people anymore. For more reasons than the pandemic. We live out in the country on five acres. We don’t get a whole lot of company out there. And when we do go into town, it’s nothing remotely like this large upscale shopping mall in Columbus, OH. They have a Saks Fifth Avenue, for crying out loud! We have the Piggly Wiggly!

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I suddenly had this very strong image. We were like ants in a colony. Milling about. Picking up this and that and carrying it back to our nests. It was kinda creepy in a science fiction way. I couldn’t relate to these people, even though I know I was once one of them. Let me tell ya, honey…I shopped. I shopped till I dropped. Many, many times. When I was married to Hubby #2, the doctor, we had a house with…get this…SEVENTEEN closets! When we first moved in there, I thought… “What kind of family lives in a house with seventeen closets???” Well, the family before us…they had 4 or 5 kids. And here we were, with a 16 year old and a baby…rapidly filling up all those closets. With crap. Oh…I thought they were treasures, but I can hardly name a handful of things in there that I couldn’t live without.

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Did I see anything in that mall yesterday that I liked? Yes. They had a Solo Stove…a gizmo that allows you to have a rip roaring campfire without all the smoke. It was $500. That’s a hard pass. There was a collapsible coffee thingy to make pour overs while camping. $23. Nope. Electric bikes? $4000! There wasn’t a darned thing in there that I needed or wanted. I like shopping back in the day. I’m a little sad that I don’t like shopping anymore. I kept asking Mr. FixIt if we were done yet and could we just go. 

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Oh…I did love going to Menard’s. It’s got TOOLS! 

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I’m going to have to turn in my girly girl card and get the country girl card now.

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???

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“As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.”

\n1 Timothy 6:17-19 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-10-22T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/10/22/how-country-living-has-changed.html", "tags": ["Wisdom","Choices","Change","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/10/17/goodbye-towwanda-hello-big-bird.html", "title": "Goodbye, TOW-Wanda! Hello, Big Bird!", "content_html": "\n
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I knew after driving in high winds for two and a half hours…we’d made the right decision!

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Y’all are going to think we need an intervention. I mean…why have one camper when you can have four, right? Well…our long term thinking is still to have ONE good camper for camping in, and the ‘67 Franklin for a renovation project. As you may remember, we’ve….I’VE had a mishap buying a used camper. I bought a small camper that ended up having a BIG rot problem and it literally started falling apart as soon as I got to Colorado summer before last. I ended up selling it for half what I paid for it. I was disappointed in myself because I didn’t do my due diligence and have the camper checked out. Lesson learned.

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Then, we bought this darling little a-frame this summer. It really is sweet, but the sleeping arrangements weren’t ideal. Mr. FixIt and I couldn’t sleep in the same bed because it meant someone was going to have to be squeezed into the tight angle. He’s a bit claustrophobic, so I’d have to be on the inside, which meant I’d be climbing over him multiple times a night to go to the bathroom. That just wouldn’t work. It’s a perfect camper for one person, though. What we ended up doing when he camped with me was leave the dinette down all the time with a twin mattress on top and he slept there. That was great, but then there was no place to sit inside and eat and play cards when/if it rains. It was a dilemma. 

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In the last couple of months, we’ve had to go to Columbus to see the endocrine surgeon and to get scans. We also drove through and back on our trip to Colorado. We kept seeing these a-frame campers on the lot of Specialty RV Sales. We stopped several times and looked at them several times. One was just like ours. The other was what is called a “high side”. It’s a lot taller and a couple feet longer than Birdie, but that extra room has a lot of advantages. 

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It has twin beds with a fill piece that turns it into a king bed. The only downside of that is, you lose easy access to the storage under the beds. Because of the higher sides, you get a taller fridge with a freezer compartment…something I didn’t realize I would REALLY miss. And, because the sleeping situation was solved, the dinette can stay up full time. This particular model also has a dormer over the dinette that offers extra headroom. And there is a storage bin on the front of the camper to carry chairs and extra items you may need for camping. Oh…and the coolest thing…the roof has a power assist to raise it up!

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When we were camping this past week, we had to drive up to Columbus for another scan. As we drove by the RV place, Mr. FixIt saw another a-frame camper parked on the lot so he wanted to stop on the way back. We had a look at it, but it just wasn’t exactly what we wanted. For one thing, it had been used pretty hard in Alaska. For another, it was six years old and you start getting some issues unless you have taken impeccable care of a camper. 

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We really weren't in the market for another camper. After all, we just bought Birdie a couple of months ago. We thanked the fellow for his time and started to leave. As we were walking away, I turned to Mr. FixIt and said, “Do you suppose they would take Big TOW-Wanda in trade? We could get a better trade in with her than with Birdie.” He said he really didn’t want to stay there all day, but I said, “Just let me ask him real quick.” 

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Yeah…three hours later, we walked out owning a brand new 2021 Rockwood 213HWOR. Dealers are desperate for good, used campers and…like used cars, they are paying top dollar for them. The fact this camper had been on the lot for six months made the dealership even more motivated to move it out. The price had come down quite a bit since we first looked. And we threw out a ridiculous number that we wanted for a trade in. When we got down to within $250, we were in. God provides for us in many ways.

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AND, we unloaded the big camper. I loved TOW-Wanda when I got her. She was perfect for what I needed her for. However, we never once took her camping in the last three years because…she was just too big! Every time I took her out, it felt like I was moving a house. It was just too much. I camped out in the field with her, but that was it. There are places now that have campers for rent so you can get a good feel for what would really work for you. We knew after the trip to Colorado that we LOVED the a-frame. But, we wanted just a little bit bigger to sleep comfortably and to have the dinette to use.

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So, we are camping again! We have this next ten days free. I don’t know if we’ll stay out that long, but this will give us a chance to test out the new camper and iron out any rough spots. Oh, and her name. Since the other a-frame is Birdie because she looks like a birdhouse…this one is Big Bird, because she’s much bigger. 

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Now, we’ll have a little a-frame for sale before too long…Birdie needs to leave the nest!

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She followed us home…can we keep her???

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?

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“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.””

\nDeuteronomy 31:8 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-10-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/10/17/goodbye-towwanda-hello-big-bird.html", "tags": ["Camping","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/10/08/the-phone-groan.html", "title": "The Phone Groan", "content_html": "\n
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Mr. FixIt was out doing something with the truck last weekend and dropped his phone. We all drop our phones. Almost always it’s pretty inconsequential…unless you don’t have a good case. However, there comes a time when that one drop knocks you out of the game. That’s what happened to Mr. FixIt’s phone this time. For some odd reason, it was turning Siri on and off…over and over and over. Sometimes you could get it to stop if you poked it enough. It got a little frustrating, to say the least.

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I told Mr. FixIt I could do a factory reset and see if that works, but we found out it erases everything and you lose your contacts, photos, messages, apps…the works. If you back it up to the cloud first, you can reset the phone then run the backup program. Unfortunately, there’s a little problem with that.

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Mr. FixIt was never a big phone guy. He hated talking on it. He had a separate digital camera he used. Facebook was just an afterthought…something to look at a couple times a year to see what was happening. Then, I came along…and created a monster. You see…with all my traveling, I really wanted him to have an iPhone so we could FaceTime, which was great. He didn’t need one with lots of memory, he said. He just wouldn’t use it, he said. However…he soon discovered all the cool things the phone could do and before he knew it, it was full. 

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Too full to update. Too full to run a backup. Too full for his free iCloud amount. It didn’t really bother him much. If he ran out of room, he’d take off an app, or remove some photos he didn’t want. It only became an issue when we needed to try to do a factory reset. You remember how, every year at tax time, I brush the dust off my laptop and turn it on only to find out there’s all these updates and scans and downloads I have to do before I can even BEGIN the taxes? Well, the same thing is happening with this phone.

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We don’t have an Apple store within a hundred miles. The Verizon store isn’t much help either. We’ve taken things to the local “tech” place before only to be bitterly disappointed. I know we could just go buy a new phone, but before we slap that kind of money down, I’d like to try to fix it myself. I have as much or more techie experience as they do anyway, so I set to work on it yesterday afternoon when I got home from the farm.

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Speaking of techie things, when did they get rid of iTunes? Somewhere along the line, they introduced something and very quietly swept iTunes into the virtual dustbin. While it was often a pain in the rear end to update and use sometimes, it was really great for backing up your iPhone and restoring after a reset. As it is, I have to upload all his pictures into the cloud. But first, I had to expand his cloud memory. But before I could do that, I had to get the phone to stop constantly running and stopping Siri. 

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Sometimes when I sleep on a problem, I wake up with the solution. That’s what happened when I was staying at the farm. I woke up in the middle of the night and knew…all I had to do was turn Siri off and we’d be able to access the rest of the phone. Sure enough, I found the setting, turned off Siri, and got to work.

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Have I told you our internet out here in the country is powered by two possums and a squirrel? And sometimes the squirrel is tired. Land sakes…it took six hours and the upload indicator line was about a quart of an inch long. At this rate, we should have it backed up in…say…a week or two. Anyway, the bottom line is…it’s always something. You never know when you’re going to have a technical glitch and it’s going to totally throw you off your schedule as you deal with it.

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Remember when we didn’t have cell phones? When we actually DID things…like go to the library and look something up. Or…read a newspaper or magazine. Or have a hobby like woodworking or stained glass or crossword puzzles. Are we more interesting people now that we know how to find the median rainfall in Zimbabwe or who the actor was in that insurance commercial? Are we happier? More content? If it all went away today, would we know how to bake a cake or fix a pot roast? What would we do with all the time we spent looking at other people’s lives? When Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat went offline for several hours the other day, how many times did you pick up your phone to see if it was back? 

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I am getting weary of this phone thing. But…I write. This is my platform. How long will I keep doing this? Will I still be telling you stories when I’m 75? 85? 95?!?! I don’t know. This part brings me joy, and I think it sometimes brings you all joy, as well. So, as long as there’s joy involved, I’m in. But, yeah…technology can be a major time suck. 

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It’s all about balance.

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?

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“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

\nPhilippians 4:11-13 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-10-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/10/08/the-phone-groan.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Peace","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/10/01/birds-bees-and-the-little.html", "title": "Birds, Bees and The Little Meadow Vole", "content_html": "\n
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We went to the farm yesterday to mow. We loaded up the push mower and the weed eater and left around 1:00. At this time of year, with the temps so much cooler, it takes a long time for the morning dew to burn off. It’s even worse at the farm because that little holler doesn’t get a lot of direct sunlight. So, even at 2-3:00, the grass is pretty damp.

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“Beans” mowed while we were gone. Yes, it’s their farm now, but…we kinda barter a little. They let us stay whenever we want and we mow the yard in exchange. It’s totally a win-win for both of us. Anyway, we pulled up the driveway and I immediately remembered the keys for the house were hanging on a hook at home. Dang! Mr. FixIt decided to go ahead and mow the ditch out front. Then, while he was running the weed eater, I push mowed the front yard. It was a beautiful day, it wasn’t too hot, and it was good exercise. Mr. FixIt mowed the backyard then I finished the driveway.

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We sat on the front porch, admiring our handiwork and listening to the birds. I have no idea why, but I was watching some bees buzzing around and thought of the Asian hornet that was discovered in Washington state last year. The one they call the “Murder Hornet”, which…not surprisingly…seems to be a bit of a sensationalized name given this monstrous bee by the media. What a surprise, right? Around 5:00, Beans showed up and we had a nice visit. She told us about the last time their son was there for a visit. He was back up on the hill doing some mowing and mowed over a nest of bees in the ground. They stung him and he ran off, leaving the mower where it sat, and headed back to the house. When they returned the next day to get the mower, the bees detected the pheromones from the stings the day before and attacked him again. That time he got pretty sick but not enough to go to the hospital.

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Multiple bees stings can be dangerous…especially on consecutive days. The bee’s venom builds up in your blood stream and…even though you don’t have an allergy to bee stings…you can have a serious reaction. As she was telling us this story, I grabbed my XL drink cup and took a swig. Ugh…warm, flat soda. I poured it into the flower bed and happened to look down by Beans’ feet. I saw something squirming in the grass and when I looked down, it was the biggest, angriest looking bee I have ever seen. Normally, my first response would have been to step on it but, having just thought of the big hornets in the Pacific Northwest…and just emptied my drink cup…I bent down and scooped that bee up in a hurry and popped the lid on the cup.

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Now what to do? I wanted to be absolutely positive that bee wasn’t going to get out of that cup, so I found a grocery bag in my truck and gingerly set the cup inside and tied it closed. I have no idea what kind of bee it is, but I’m going to town today, so I’ll drop it off at the Natural Resources office and see if they can identify it. I really don’t think it’s a “murder hornet”…but I would like to know what kind of bee it is.

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We headed home and as I pulled into the driveway, the cat was sitting staring into the field. She came running to us and out of the corner of my eye, I saw something scurry through the grass. I went to look closer and there was a little meadow vole. I’d never really seen one up close. I was really surprised when this little thing stood up and I swear he was going to come after me. It actually kinda worried me a little. I don’t know what their natural defensive behavior is, but I also know animals with rabies can be aggressive. This little guy was obviously not sick. I think he’d just been man…er, I mean CAT-handled…and he was over it. I let him scurry off as Mr. FixIt put the cat up for the night. That was enough hunting for one day!

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To top off my day, I got a note from the West Virginia Tourism Board asking if they can use another one of my photos for marketing. That’s the second time that’s happened. I have to admit…that made me feel good!

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Land’s sakes…it’s OCTOBER!

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?

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“On the glorious splendor of your majesty, and on your wondrous works, I will meditate.”

\nPsalm 145:5 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-10-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/10/01/birds-bees-and-the-little.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","The Farm","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/09/24/mums-the-word.html", "title": "Mum’s the Word", "content_html": "\n
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It’s mum season. Pumpkin spice everything is everywhere. I’m sorta kinda ready this time. I always hate seeing summer leave us, but I know we will have stretches of “Indian Summer” in a little while so there’s still lots of time to get out and do fun things. I was too busy yesterday to take any photos for this morning’s blog, so I went through my archives and chose some pictures I took of beautiful autumn flowers to share with you today.

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I always say I’m going to plant flowers “this year”…but I end up looking at the price tags and thinking… “I could have a great camping trip with that money!” So, I drive around and visit nurseries and take some great photos. They’re free, they never die, and I can pull them up and look at them whenever I want. I can kill a silk plant…seriously. I’m always amazed at the flowers we have outside that I haven’t managed to kill. That’s because I leave it all up to God to do the gardening. I’m just along for the joy ride.

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Mr. FixIt changed the oil in my truck for me yesterday in preparation for my trip to camp with the girls this weekend. The weather has really taken a turn and it’s predicted to be pretty darned chilly. I rummaged around in the guest closet yesterday afternoon, pulled out an electric blanket and set it by the front door to take with me. I have leggings and sweatshirts packed. I’ll find my hiking boots and wool socks and put them in the truck. I think I’ll even take a heavy coat for sitting around the fire. I have my small ceramic heater in the camper already. The furnace for the camper is actually located under the dinette, which is currently down in a twin bed position, so I can’t light it. It doesn’t matter though…that little electric heater really warms up a small camper in no time.

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I always wait till I get to the town nearest my destination before I buy what I need to contribute to the communal meals when I camp with a bunch of girlfriends. That works out really well with this little a-frame camper. Normally, I would just go in and fill the fridge and pantry in a bigger camper. But I’d have to pop this one up in order to get in and that isn’t feasible. This way, I can just drive the last ten minutes, get set up, and then put everything away. 

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I went through my camping supplies yesterday that I keep packed and ready to go. I use a rechargeable drill to lower and raise the stabilization jacks on my campers. I know I had the charger for my drill earlier this summer in preparation for camping. But now I can’t find it anywhere. So… “Mr. FixIt’s Mercantile” to the rescue again. He has one of everything and two of most, so I just raided one of his drills and chargers. I charged the battery up in it to make sure it’s working right for when I set up today. I may not have been a full-fledged Girl Scout, but I was a Brownie…and that’s pretty close! I like to have every possible scenario covered…just in case.

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I have food prepared for Mr. FixIt for when I’m gone. I made a big pot of spaghetti sauce yesterday and we had it over spaghetti squash last night. SO good! It’s so packed with meat, he can eat it like a Sloppy Joe, or add beans and chili powder and have a nice pot of chili for the weekend. He has sandwich fixin’s and a full pantry, so he isn’t going to starve. I just like to leave him some “love in a pot” when I go somewhere so I know he’s well cared for.

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He has plenty to do to keep him busy. It’s time to close the pool for the year. The garden needs pulled up. The burn pile is growing ever larger so that could use doing. What I really hope he does is put his feet up, call a friend, take a nap, watch a movie. If I’m going to be out playing with the girls, he should be relaxing, as well.

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And, so…it is autumn.

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?

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“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.”

\nIsaiah 40:8 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-09-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/09/24/mums-the-word.html", "tags": ["Camping","Comfort","Change","Be Joyful!","Road Trip","Friends","Birdie"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/08/25/when-is-it-a-disasterwhen.html", "title": "When is it a Disaster…When is it Just…Life?", "content_html": "\n
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There are truly disasters that occur. Things that could not have been predicted that befall us and change our lives in a heartbeat. The floods in Tennessee…the terrible ice storms in Texas…the dreadful fires in the west. These are all things that, aside from the unfortunate predictability of increased global warming, are still horrifying to watch. And even more horrifying to be a part of.

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I’ve been thinking about my grandparents and my parents and how they lived through the Great Depression and World War II. Those were both events that shook our country to the very core. Our great and great great grandparents lived through the Civil War…a time when the very fabric of our being was torn in two. They didn’t throw their hands up and cry woe is me. They rolled up their sleeves and put others first. They put their shoulders to the wheel and pushed forward with all their might.

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We’ve become both softened and hardened by technology. We’re soft because there are machines and computers that do everything for us. Everything…EVERYTHING is done electronically. We’ve put all our eggs in one basket and it’s not going to take long for someone to figure out how to take a sledgehammer to them and it won’t be pretty. We’ve become hardened because it’s hard to tease out fact from fiction for the typical Joe and Jane America. We’ve become hardened because we have a screen to hide behind and we don’t have to look in the eyes of our real and imagined adversaries.

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But, with all that being said…I truly, truly believe there are far more good people in the world than there are really bad people. The thing is…goodness doesn’t sell advertising space. Sensationalism and keeping every single news cycle focused on all the terrible things can keep us in a constant state of anxiety if we let it.

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I received an e-mail yesterday from the Census Bureau asking me to fill out a “Coronavirus Household Pulse Survey”. It asked questions they didn’t ask in the regular census. The purpose of the survey was to gauge our reactions to the pandemic. How it’s affecting us….physically, financially, mentally, and emotionally. It asked if we were having trouble meeting bills. Were we able to seek and receive the healthcare we needed. Are we getting enough food. This is designed to find out where the trouble spots are and where resources are needed the most. 

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One of the greatest lessons of the Depression and WWII was the need for social services to help people through the tough times in life. And, it was fortunate our ancestors were largely farmers and hard work was already a part of their daily lives. They knew how to do all the things that need doing and, unfortunately, a lot of those skills have died out with them. I am a strong proponent of bringing Home Economics and Shop classes back to schools. I think there should be a class that teaches young people how to fill out job applications, balance a checkbook, file taxes. I’ve seen programs that match schools with nursing homes and senior centers in order to enlighten both demographics. There are places that put day care centers in nursing homes and it benefits the elders as well as the littles.

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How can we preserve the skills that are rapidly dying? What skills do you have that you might share with young people? What if all the electronics went away tomorrow? Who would know what to do without YouTube and Google? These are things that roam around in my head when I’m not busy enough, I’m afraid. But they are things that should be addressed. Our great grandchildren’s lives may depend on it.

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As disastrous as the pandemic has been, these sorts of things are just a part of life. Sometimes life is cake…and sometimes it’s really, really hard. Devastatingly hard. Knowing we are not alone in our difficulties can go a long way in calming our fears of the unknown and the anxieties of uncertainty. God walks with His children…always. That was one of the biggest gems I discovered in the flames of my grief. While I was a widow and I was crushed…I was never alone. We are brokenhearted over many things right now. But please know this…God draws near to the brokenhearted. It is when we can communicate with him most intimately.

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?

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“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”

\n1 Peter 4:10 NIV\n
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#Skills, #Talents, #Knowledge

\n\n", "date_published": "2021-08-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/08/25/when-is-it-a-disasterwhen.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Wisdom","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/08/24/its-getting-dark-in-here.html", "title": "It’s Getting Dark in Here", "content_html": "\n
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We’re Getting Little Hints of Gold!

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Summer cruises right along and it begins to feel like it did when we were kids…like it might just last forever. Then, there’s that one evening when you look outside in shock. It’s starting to get dark earlier and it’s become noticeable. At 7:30 last night, I looked over at Mr. FixIt and said, “OMGosh! It’s getting dark already! When did that happen?!”

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I’m not ready for winter, by any stretch of the imagination. But I am open to the idea of cooler, crisper days, good sleeping weather, the splashes of color over these West Virginia hills…and no more mowing for a few months. We’ll miss a goodly portion of our beautiful fall here. It will be replaced with the quaking aspen and bluebird skies of Colorado. I’m praying we don’t get snow while we’re there because we’re taking the little camper. I have seen eight inches of snow in Denver on September 16th before, so it’s not unheard of.

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I don’t want to shovel snow yet, but I do love when I can get my sweaters and leggings out and start baking again. It’s just too hot to bake in the summer time. It makes no sense to power up the AC and the oven at the same time. I look forward to really good apples and picking out pumpkins and mums. I love when the garden and flower beds are cleaned, raked, and mulched. I look forward to cleaning the tools of summer and putting them away till spring. I like not having to worry about the chemical levels in the pool. 

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My very favorite time to camp in West Virginia is the first three weeks of October. The leaves are gorgeous and the skies are almost always clear save for some puffy white clouds here and there. I didn’t can anything this year. I still have so much left over from last season. I figured I would and it’ll still be good for another year or so. That’s the beauty of home canned produce…it lasts and doesn’t ruin like frozen veggies.

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While I had lots of work to do yesterday, Mr. FixIt and I were both pretty tired from all the outside work over the last few days. He did have to run an errand in town, but I stayed home. And we both stretched out in these wonderful recliners we bought last year. I never really like the looks of a recliner, but the comfort can’t be beat if you buy a good quality chair. I doubt we’ll get much more recliner time this week as we start packing up. 

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It’s almost time for another adventure!

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?

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“I am a sojourner on the earth; hide not your commandments from me!”

\nPsalm 119:19 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-08-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/08/24/its-getting-dark-in-here.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Camping","West Virginia","Change","Be Joyful!","Farm Life","Birdie"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/08/23/summer-sunday-supper.html", "title": "Summer Sunday Supper", "content_html": "\n
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You could just about guarantee where my mom, brother, and I would be on any given Sunday when I was growing up. Sunday suppers at Grandma’s house was just what we did. I’d guess many of you did the same. I especially loved those meals in the summer. Grandma had a “truck garden”…the garden that’s close to the house so you can run over the little bridge to pick fresh veggies. We had “Farm to Table” dining long before it became cool and trendy.

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During the week, we are often far too busy to cook a proper meal. There’s all the work outside that keeps us hopping from late March to late September. The garden, the mowing, the pool, constant repairs…it’s a big job for two people. So we often just grab sandwiches or salads for our main meal. Except on Sundays. I try to fix something nice as a reward for our hard work of the week, and to celebrate the day of rest.

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When Mr. FixIt was finishing up snaking the drain…for the umpteenth time…I headed to the kitchen, pulled some pork chops out of the freezer and placed them in a bowl of cold water to thaw. I put on a quart of my home canned half runner beans on to simmer on the back burner while a few new red potatoes were cooking in the little pressure cooker I picked up last summer at a junk shop. When the pork chops were thawed, I dipped them in buttermilk and dredged them in seasoned flour then fried in a little oil using my biggest cast iron skillet. Earlier, I cut up some fresh onions, cucumbers and tomatoes and made a little salad with a homemade balsamic vinaigrette. It was a delightful meal and reminded me of how swiftly summer and its freshness is gone.

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It will be a busy week as we make the preparations for the big trip to Colorado. I made an executive decision when I had the camper at Setzer’s. I had them repack the wheel bearings so Mr. FixIt wouldn’t have that to do. I’ll get the new tires put on this week. We’re getting pretty excited!

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It’s Monday…another day, another week, another fresh start. We get new starts every day. I hope your week brings you beauty and blessings.

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?

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““Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

\nIsaiah 43:18-19 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-08-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/08/23/summer-sunday-supper.html", "tags": ["Choices","Change","Farm Life","In the Kitchen"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/08/16/please-dont-feed-the-trolls.html", "title": "Please Don’t Feed the Trolls", "content_html": "\n
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When you own a website or blog, you open yourself up to a lot of good things. And, as they say… “Into each life, a little rain must fall.” It’s unavoidable. I know full well, when I touch on controversial subjects, I’m liable to get some pushback. It comes with the turf. I don’t mind hearing other’s opinions, of course…as long as there is an attempt at civil discourse. I seldom delete a post, and I rarely need to block someone. But, it happened yesterday so I thought perhaps we should discuss it.

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According to my statistics on this page, my demographic is largely women aged 60 and over…not unexpected since my writing covers grief, faith, aging, health, cooking, family, retirement, farm life, and….well, you get it. You’ve been reading me long enough to know what I do here. It occurred to me yesterday, women in this demographic may not know how to spot a troll on social media…or even know what that is.

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There is a difference between a troll and someone merely disagreeing with something you’ve said and expressing themselves. It isn’t always easy to tell them apart…especially when things get heated. I get a notification every time someone likes or comments on my posts here…the “launch pad” to my website. I try to at least acknowledge every interaction on my page because I like staying engaged with you all. Most of the time you get a ? and sometimes you get a written response…it depends on the subject and how much time I have that day. At any rate, I like for you to know I’m seeing what you write to me and I deeply appreciate you.

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Yesterday, I broke my own rule. I unknowingly fed a troll and things started escalating. In my defense, I was out on the mower at the end of the far field. I stopped to take a drink and I felt my phone vibrate. I took a quick look and saw some heat and stepped in with what I hoped was a calming response. By the time I was finished mowing, it was obvious I should have taken the time to look into the person making the comments.

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There were several red flags. First, it wasn’t a name I recognized…I had never seen a comment from this person before. And, second…she got personal, fast. Attacking not only me, but other readers. I honestly didn’t take the time to do any research. I have zero tolerance for personal attacks so I removed the ugly posts and blocked the person. Later, in order to make sure I did the right thing, I asked a friend to look this person up and check on two things…when she joined Facebook and how many friends she had. It wasn’t two minutes later when I got the confirmation I needed. New account. No friends. That’s what I should have done first before I ever responded….look her up to confirm.

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Trolls and troll accounts can come from a variety of sources. Sometimes it’s nothing more than cyber bullies…anonymous accounts someone hides behind in order to attack and provoke a response from either the owner of the page or their friends/readers/customers. The attacks are usually focused around hot topics and they are meant to trigger people into responding out of anger. This type of troll gets a kick out of the drama and angry responses and will continue to escalate with every response…often getting personal. They’ll send laughing emojis when you respond with anger. They belittle and demean. And they have a hunger to be fed. If you ignore them, sometimes they give up and go away on their own because they aren’t getting what they want. That’s easier to do when it’s just you responding on your own page. It’s an entirely different situation when you have over 6,000 readers on a blog.

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Another kind of troll is what we saw starting in about 2014. Russian Intelligence discovered the United States would be far easier to defeat if they divided us and pitted us against each other. So they went on a massive disinformation campaign to do just that and drew the line in the sand between political parties. This continued during the campaign for the 2016 Presidential election…the fallout of which we will be dealing with for God knows how long. I am sure it continues today as foreign powers jump on the bandwagon, reach into our computers, and stir up a hornet’s nest.They have learned they can destroy us without firing a shot. All they have to do is poke the bear, point the finger at the other guy saying, “He did it!” Then, they sit back and laugh at how easy it was.

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Recognizing a cyber bully is easier than recognizing a troll account created by a foreign power. The trick is to stop and think before you respond. Have a peek at the person’s personal FB page. The biggest clue is “no friends” or a really new account. They rant. They pick trigger topics and gauge the audience to actually decide which side of the fence to stand on. They may not even believe in what they’re spewing…they’re just in it for the high of the response.

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Clemson University created a questionnaire to try to help you figure out who is legit and who is a troll. You can find it HERE. I’m pretty savvy to this issue because I’ve been writing this blog for over eight years now. I got 7 out of 8 right on Spot the Troll. It’s not easy to apply critical thinking skills when you’re in the heat of the moment. So, before you start throwing barbs back, take a breath and do a little research. It’ll be better for your blood pressure.

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We’re all in this together. Let’s try to educate each other and outsmart the fox that’s somehow gotten into our henhouse.

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?

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“There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.”

\nProverbs 6:16-19 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-08-16T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/08/16/please-dont-feed-the-trolls.html", "tags": ["Growth","Wisdom","Anger","Writing","Choices","Change","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/06/10/the-year-that-time-stood.html", "title": "The Year That Time Stood Still", "content_html": "\n
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Sometimes, when life gives you hard things, you put your head down and keep pushing forward in order to survive. Even now, you take stock of all that’s happening around you, it’s easy to feel WAY out of control. And there’s nothing worse than that runaway train feeling. You can’t defend yourself from an enemy you cannot see. It’s downright scary.

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When Mr. FixIt had his first stroke in February 2020, we sat together in his room and watched the news. They were talking about a disease that seemed to be spreading overseas and could very well come to the United States. We were already dealing with one emergency with uncertain consequences. Now they’re talking about a pandemic, too? We were too numb to really “get it”. 

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We went home and started the healing process. Then, six weeks later, there was a stroke on the other side AND we were in a full-blown pandemic. We were beyond numb. We were obviously extremely grateful the strokes weren’t any worse. We knew they certainly could have been. But we didn’t know if there would be a third on the horizon. And, would it be “the big one”. These were things we definitely didn’t talk about...but we both worried about, nonetheless.

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Our lives became centered around physical therapy, follow up medical visits, and endless television coverage. Not only the pandemic, but now the election. We were so overwhelmed, we didn’t know what to think. We just did the best we could and put one foot in front of the other.

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This year is different. We survived the election. We survived the worst of the pandemic. We got vaccinated. And we got through the year that time stood still. Hindsight is 20/20, and Mr. FixIt and I have frequent conversations...processing what we went through in the last year and how we handled it. Sometimes you don’t know how bad things were till you get past them and look back. We were pretty much a hot mess last year. This year is much, much better.

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Mr. FixIt has his strength back. We are getting life back to normal here at Marshmallow Ranch. We are picking up the pieces of the last year and working on the projects we were right in the middle of when the first stroke hit. It is so stressful to feel like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now, with a little time and distance, and good medications, and the reassurance of our physicians...we’re beginning to trust that we’re ok and and we can move forward and continue this beautiful life we’ve been building.

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We are filled with love and gratitude...hope and faith. 

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We can breathe again. 

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?

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“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”

\n3 John 1:2 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-06-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/06/10/the-year-that-time-stood.html", "tags": ["Health","Gratitude","Fear","Courage","Change","Healing","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/06/08/on-a-saturday-night-in.html", "title": "On a Saturday Night in West Virginia", "content_html": "\n
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Roller Rink in Belpre, OH - photo by Harry Barnett

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I was born in the Fifties and grew up in the Sixties. It was a fine time to be a kid. We didn’t have a lot of money and we didn’t really go out and do a lot of “stuff”...especially if it cost money. Most of our Saturday nights were either spent at home or at the farm with Grandma and PopPop. During the summer, Saturday wasn’t any different than any other day of the week, except for one thing. Saturday night was “Skate Night” for the cool kids.

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I wasn’t...WAS NOT...one of the cool kids. My cousins were cool. I knew people who were cool. But somehow...I missed out on the cool gene. However, when the Stanley’s moved in down the street in the summer of ‘66, I found my partner in crime. Sharon was my age, in my grade. My very fist same-age friend. Everyone else in the neighborhood were either much older, or much younger. We soon became inseparable.

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We did everything together. We rode bikes for hours. We took tennis lessons at the town park. We were awful, but we had fun at it. We explored the woods up on the hill above our houses. Even though I couldn’t swim and was terrified of water, we went to the pool and “laid out” in the sun. From first light, off we’d go whenever we could. As long as we were home by the time the street lights came on, we were good.

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One of our favorite things to do was go to Cavalier Roller Rink. I was in awe of the older kids who could skate backwards and do spins and never fall down. We were used to those awful metal street skates you crunched down on your shoes with a key. Mine came from the Plaid Stamp store. I can still see them. They were shiny and had a foam pad on the ankle strap that was red plaid. We were really uptown in those, I’m telling ya.

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Skating in rink skates was an entirely differently proposition. The floor was smooth as glass and the wheels met the floor with precision. Smooth....and slick as ice. We fell far more than we skated till we finally got the hang of it. I never did get to be a really great skater. I couldn’t spin or skate backwards, but I could skate arm in arm and in long conga lines. We played “Crack the Whip” which was deliciously terrifying when you were on the end of the line.

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By the time we were teenagers, there was the typical posturing...trying to attract the eye of someone who interested you. Getting to skate with someone during the “Couples Only” skate was our loftiest goal. We most often sat that one out, munching on popcorn and soft drinks till we could get back out there and zoom around and around. I think back to those Saturday nights with great fondness. For several reasons.

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One...I have a birthday coming up soon. Sixty-eight. How that happened...I’ll never know. But it’s been fifty years since we graduated from high school...fifty years ago today, to be exact. It’s been fifty years since I went to a roller rink, too. That’s ok...I don’t miss it. I just miss those days of not being reminded I have knees every time I stand up. I miss long summer days playing in the sun without a care in the world. I miss that feeling of hurrying down the street when you knew the streetlight would be on any minute. The sound of TV’s in people’s houses. The quiet conversations on front porches. The shouts of, “See ya’ tomorrow!” 

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There is a whole lotta space in the “dash” between then and now. A lot was done. Many accomplishments. Too many mistakes. A rich tapestry woven with the experiences we’ve all had over these last fifty years. We’ve postponed our 50th High School Reunion till next year due to the uncertainty of Covid over the last year. It takes a lot of money and planning to put on that show, and it would have been terrible to have to cancel. This way we have another year to take off some of this Covid weight! lol

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I guess where I’m going with this is...my sweet friend Sharon isn’t doing very well right now. She has some pretty major health issues, then ended up with long haul Covid on top of it so she’s struggling to get better. She has a fighting spirit. After all, at church camp, we were notorious, as our theme song stated...

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“We are the Night Owls, Mighty Mighty Night Owls, every where we go-oh, people want to know-oh, who we are, so we tell them....”

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Please join me in lifting up my life-long, good time loving, slumber party giving, all night skating, best iced tea making, bike riding bunk mate in earnest prayer that the gifted doctors at Mayo Clinic will fix her up so she can get back to this wonderful life and we can finally go camping together!

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I love you, Shubs. Please get well soon!

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???

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“A friend loves at all times......”

\nProverbs 17:17 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-06-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/06/08/on-a-saturday-night-in.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Courage","Aging","Change","Memories","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/28/days.html", "title": "3,000 Days", "content_html": "\n
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Grandma’s Peonies

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While Mr. FixIt busied himself fixing the door into our pole building, I headed to the farm to bring some more stuff home. I have to admit...I stretched out on Grandma’s bed for a half hour before I packed up the truck. Soaking up the atmosphere. It feels good. I really don’t have a whole lot left out there...but I don’t pack the truck too full with each load. It gives me more trips to the farm! I canceled the Dish Network account out at the farm this morning...thus ending a 23 year run with them. It will be interesting to find out how long that phone number has been in the family!

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Wisteria

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I had a little walkabout and photographed Grandma’s flowers. I think her peonies are the prettiest I’ve ever seen. The irises are lovely, and since irises need to be thinned on occasion, I’m going to bring just a few over to the Ponderosa and make a special flower bed out near my new mini-campground we’re putting in. I also have a she-shed in my future that I want to build out there as part of my little compound for gathering my girlfriends and campout. I have it pictured in my mind. Now I just need to gather old doors and wood to build it with! I have so many projects I want to complete here at the Ponderosa. I do believe, once it’s complete, it shall be renamed...what? Marshmallow Ranch, of course!

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Clematis and Carolina Spice Bush

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I got the nicest note from Frank and Beans on Wednesday night. They were on their way down to WV to work on their cabin, so when I was finished loading what I wanted to bring home yesterday, I headed up to see what’s going on. They have one of those driveways that are very common in these West Virginia hills...straight up! Well, not really...but it sure seemed that way. I jumped out of the truck to greet my newest friends and look at their place. It’s beautiful up there and they have a view that looks right out over the treetops. It reminds me of pictures taken above the canopy of a rainforest...but without the monkeys!

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Iris, foreground...Rhododendron, background

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When they had their driveway graded, the folks doing the work found a huge rock in the shape of a heart. It has special meaning to Frank, so I brought them another heart shaped rock I brought home from Colorado and gave it to them as a housewarming gift. I couldn’t stay long, but we vowed to stay in touch, and they reiterated I am welcome to stay at the farm anytime. Just sitting on the porch during a rainstorm will be a huge treat, let alone getting to stay for a day or two.

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Iris

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I stopped at the store on the way home and fixed a quick supper. We have been dining on the deck every night under the pergola. We’ve only stayed out long enough to turn the market lights on a couple of times because we’ve been so busy with projects. But I envision more late nights out there as we catch up a little. Especially when the kids are here. I’m looking forward to doing more entertaining, as well.

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Iris

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It’s supposed to rain today and the weather will turn quite cool over the next few days. The nights will be especially cool...good sleeping weather. I have discovered something very interesting. Now that I write in the spare bedroom, I am sleeping much more soundly when I get up and go to our room. Something about separating “work” from home has really improved my sleep hygiene. I sure wish TOW-Wanda was here and fixed already...I’d really enjoy sleeping out there on these cool nights. That’s what I get for procrastinating getting her to the RV Doctor!

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Multiflora Rose

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Oh, and another thing...just as a matter of course. Today marks 3,000 days since Mr. Virgo died. I never could have dreamed of this life...of experiencing joy and happiness and deep love again. I couldn’t picture myself surviving that loss, let alone coming out the other side with a beautiful and fulfilling life. I just thought I would share that with you so that...if you are bereaved...there is hope for a good life down the road. I know it’s such a hard, hard journey...but a good life is worth working for.

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?

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“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

\nJeremiah 29:11 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/28/days.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/26/the-strawberry-shed.html", "title": "The Strawberry Shed", "content_html": "\n
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I’m gearing up for a busy week both here on the Ponderosa and out at the farm. Both need mowing desperately. This is the time of year you can almost hear the grass growing. Warm days and spring rains bring everything to life here in West Virginia. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, you have to stay on top of this stuff or it can so get out of hand.

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We’ll bring Pumpkin home from the Kitty Hilton today. We sent her favorite kitty food with her this time in hopes that she isn’t as skinny as she was the last time we brought her home. There are errands to run in town, but I may send Mr. FixIt in to do those while I run the mower over the fields. I find it quite meditative and enjoyable. 

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We’ll go out to the farm Tuesday and mow. I’m anticipating driving separate vehicles so I can stay for a few days. There’s so much work to do out there, and I truly need some alone time to let out the tears that I’ve been holding in since I saw the auction listing. All that just makes saying goodbye more real. I am so pleased we have till July 3rd to vacate the premises, though. There’s a little more time.

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Today’s photo from the farm came from the sale website and I had to share it. This is what we called the Strawberry Shed” where the ladies sorted the strawberries as they came from the field. Then, sometime in the mid afternoon, PopPop would take me with him in the old Ford pickup and take a load of strawberries to the local Farmer’s Market. Women would line up and grab the berries off the conveyor belt before they even got in the store. That rusty metal rectangle on the side was lifted up and hooked to chains to create an awning to shade the berries and keep things cool inside. I’d love to take that off and use it as a decorative piece someday...either in a family room, dining room, or sunroom...or maybe in the garden. But, now that it’s in the auction piece, I don’t think I could get it. I’ll have to make due with photos and memories.

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I’m making great progress on the shawl I’m knitting, but I’m finding I simply cannot follow the pattern if the television is on. I do much better if I wear my headphones and listen to my “writing soundtrack”...the sounds of a roaring fire and a thunderstorm. I discovered the pattern is for a short shawl and if you want a longer version, which I do, you need to buy three more skeins of yarn. They didn’t have one of the colors I needed at the shop where I bought the kit, but I found another website and got two skeins on sale. I have someone special in mind for this piece and I’d like to have it finished before her birthday.

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So, we’ll hit the ground running and see what we can accomplish with the gift of this week. Yesterday was a lovely day of rest and I thoroughly enjoyed my recliner and my knitting. 

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?

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“He has filled them with skill to do every sort of work done by an engraver or by a designer or by an embroiderer in blue and purple and scarlet yarns and fine twined linen, or by a weaver—by any sort of workman or skilled designer.”

\nExodus 35:35 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-26T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/26/the-strawberry-shed.html", "tags": ["The Farm","Choices","Change","Farm Life","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/10/the-one-thing-you-can.html", "title": "The One Thing You Can Count On", "content_html": "\n
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Spring flowers on my walkabout on the Ponderosa.

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Besides God, there is only one thing for absolute certain you can count on in life, and that is change. Mr. FixIt doesn’t like change. I usually relish it. I find change exciting and challenging and it can lead to many adventures. But there’s one change I’ve been dreading and the time has come to face it.  My uncle is selling the farm.

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I’ve known it was coming. And I asked him to put it off a year so we could have a family gathering this summer to say goodbye to the old girl. He was gracious to accommodate me, but we can’t keep putting off the inevitable. Grandma’s farm has been an integral part of my life. I have become who I am because of the love in that home. My roots grow deep in that West Virginia red clay.

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I’m so grateful to have had all this time to spend out there. I think I’ve photographed every square inch of the place so I’ll forever have something to look back on. I have indelible memories of time spent there over my nearly sixty-eight years. I have stories and more stories...as you all well know. I imagine you feel you know the place, too. 

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From the stumps of trees my PopPop planted to the three story barn he and my grand grandfather built...from the cinder block cellar house to the basement they rolled the house down onto when I was six...from the original tin roof to the old smokehouse now teetering precariously by the creek...the farm is as much a part of my life as any of my loved ones. It’s almost as though it is a living, breathing entity...which in some ways, I suppose it is. 

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We ran to town yesterday to get sand for the pool filter and pick out carpet for the family room when my uncle called me to break the news. It makes me sad, but not as much as it would have had I not been so blessed to have had the last several years to be free to stay whenever I want. I have called around to let family members and close friends know it’s going to be sold. It would be ideal if someone I know buys it. Then, at least I could come back for a visit from time to time. 

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Then again...maybe it would be best to just make a clean break. To not watch what someone else does with the place. I mean, I have to look at the plus side. I’ve been paying the utilities out there for the last five years so that will be a little extra back in my pocket every month. And, we won’t have to mow out there any more. That will be a huge weight off my shoulders. Still...it’s hard when the home place is gone. My last tangible connection to my family member who have gone on to their rewards.

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What was it I said about change? Ahhhh, yes...I relish change. 

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Just not this one.

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This one will be hard.

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?

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“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: - a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;”

\nEcclesiastes 3:1, 6 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/10/the-one-thing-you-can.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","The Farm","Change","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/02/coming-in-like-a-lion.html", "title": "Coming in Like a Lion", "content_html": "\n
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The first day of April gave us...snow! Not a lot. Not even a little. Just a smattering. Just enough to see Mother Nature snub her nose at us and remind us who’s boss. There were just a few scattered flakes when I left for town. My dermatologist took a little shave biopsy of a place on my chest that continues to bug me. She says it’s probably nothing. Of course, that’s what the doctor said when it turned out I had a melanoma, so I err on the side of biopsy. 

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Thirty-one years ago today, Daughter #2 was born. Like April, she came in like a lion and never changed. She is smart, beautiful, sensitive, talented, and much stronger than she gives herself credit for. Like many people who get a college degree, she ended up hating both the restaurant business and management. There wasn’t enough room for her to march to her own drum. She starts a new job next week after spending the pandemic year as a “house spouse” and she’s very excited. Knowing her as I do, there is also a small amount of trepidation “going back out there.”

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We’ve talked a little bit about the anxiety some people are experiencing as the pandemic slowly begins to fade out and they’re faced with being social again. If you look around at your family, friends, and acquaintances, you are bound to find some who really struggled with staying home and away from people. And you’re just as likely to find some who really seemed to thrive in all that aloneness. I’m kind of a combination personality...I’m an extroverted introvert. I love people AND I love my space and my freedom and a certain amount of alone time. 

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I knew as soon as we had our second vaccine and waited the required two weeks for full immunity, I would have to face the world again on the world’s terms. I also knew from past experience...in order to make that transition more palatable, I need to get out and do more things around people. A little...desensitization therapy. When I came out of the doctor’s office yesterday, my very first instinct was to jump in the truck and head home. Instead, I went to a coffee shop.

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As little as a month ago, I wouldn’t have considered going into a coffee shop and sitting down to read with a really great latte. It would mean taking off my mask...inside...with other people. Did I say INSIDE? Yikes! I pulled up out front and looked in. Ok, there weren’t a lot of people. I wore my double mask to order then took my warmed up cinnamon roll and coffee and found a chair off in the corner by the front window. If too many people came, I could make my escape.

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I looked down at that sweet treat on my plate and I knew it would just sit there and get cold if I didn’t hurry up and make a decision. I took off my mask, closed my eyes to thank God for scientists and vaccines, leaned back...and enjoyed the heck out of that experience! I read a few articles, answered a few texts, savored that cinnamon roll ever so slowly, and sipped my coffee. Good to the last drop!

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I love this particular coffee house. It’s owned by a woman who spend a great deal of time in Central America as a missionary. When she returned, she wanted to recreate the “bodega”...the central market where people gathered to shop, eat, and commune with each other. Hence...The Bodega was born. With Praise music playing in the background, I looked around at the people. A kind, rather zen fellow walked by and said, “I love your hair....the way you’re wearing it.” He and his lady friend went to a table in the window to drink their coffee and play chess. I’ve taken to wearing two long braids...like Pollyanna. I don’t know why...but I like the dichotomy of braids and grey hair. I don’t really “wear my age.” I wore leggings before leggings were cool. So, why not wear braids?

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There was a tutor working with a little boy. “I...do...not...LIKE.......green...eggs...and...ham!” He read with a clear voice and was immensely proud of himself. A woman sat down at a small table for two, with two drinks. She sat and sat, looking at her watch, staring at her phone. Finally she sighed, picked up the spare drink to take with her and threw her empty cup in the trash on her way out. A man and a woman worked on lesson plans for a class and a group of friends enjoyed lunch together talking with great animation...their hands waving in the air for emphasis.

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My friend Kathy from church texted me. I told her where I was. She said if I could wait thirty minutes, she’d come down to visit me. We had a long, lovely talk together. I hadn’t seen her to really sit and talk since this time last year. There was a lot to catch up on, and we reluctantly parted a full two hours later. We held hands and prayed together before we made our goodbyes. I love that. 

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I went on to run the rest of my errands and headed home, dinner in hand, to greet my sweetheart. He kept the home fires burning for me. Good thing, because it was darned cold! All told, I’d say my trip into the fray was a marked success. This will make the next trip easier and each successive one easier still. And soon, things will begin to feel more normal...even with the precautions we should continue to embrace till we get free of this captor. Soon, our chains will fall.

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?

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“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

\nRomans 8:28 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-02T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/02/coming-in-like-a-lion.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/03/24/when-thoughts-and-prayers-are.html", "title": "When “Thoughts and Prayers” are Not Enough", "content_html": "\n
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I don’t want to make this a political issue. I want to make it a human issue. I don’t want the government to come take all the guns and destroy them. I don’t know how they could possibly do that, anyway. There’s way too many of them. But there is one thing that is perfectly clear to me.

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We have to do something.

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The King Soopers shooter was born three days before the Columbine shooting. Twenty-one years ago. How many have there been since then? Yeah...I know. A lot less than car accidents and heart attacks and cancer and Covid. I get that. But, this is supposed to be a civilized society. 

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After living in Colorado for forty years, and as a mother and grandmother and sister and friend of Colorado residents...my heart was in my throat when I heard “King Soopers Shooter” and “Colorado” in the same sentence. Where are my kids? My grandchildren? My friends? When they said the shooting was in Boulder, I had one second of relief. Then I was drawn back to the thought of all this unimaginable loss. My heart squeezed tight thinking of the shoppers that witnessed the shooting. The family members with the knock on the door.

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The inevitable “I’m so sorry”.

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Then I got angry. I felt like he’d messed with MY people...MY state...MY home. I wanted to scream.... 

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“Stop it! Just STOP!!!”

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We have to DO something.

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But what? Sensible gun control? Register ammunition? Draw and quarter mass shooters in the village square? It appears from early statements there may be mental illness at play in this case...although, how can you say anyone who commits such an atrocity is sane? At the very least...make it more difficult to get a lethal weapon. Hell, I had to sign a contract with my doctor to have regular appointments to monitor my use of anxiety medication. But, I could go out tomorrow and buy an AR-15???

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How long can we sit in our comfortable homes with our families around us and “send our thoughts and prayers” for these innocent victims and their families? It seems such empty rhetoric. The easy way out. 

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The families of every victim of gun violence need so much more than our thoughts and prayers.

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When is enough going to really BE enough?

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Please....please...just make it STOP.

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Sending thoughts and prayers then moving on the next week isn’t cutting it anymore.

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WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING...NOW!!!

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? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

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“Then Jesus said to him, “Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword.”

\nMatthew 26:52 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-03-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/03/24/when-thoughts-and-prayers-are.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Anger","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/03/17/day-documenting-a-lost-year.html", "title": "Day 365: Documenting a Lost Year That Saved Me", "content_html": "\n
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I woke up in the stillness of our hotel room. My husband slept quietly by my side. I turned over and reached for my phone...6:05. I closed my eyes, willing myself back to sleep...to no avail. I felt...uneasy. My radar was up and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Usually I’ll take a quick look at the news, but yesterday I went straight to the weather. As soon as I saw the first weather warning for the south, I sat bolt upright in bed....just enough to stir Mr. FixIt. He knew by the look on my face, I meant business.

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“We need to head home...today.” I handed him my phone with the weather map. 

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“Yeah...I heard something about this last night.”

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He was worried enough to take notice of the weather, but worried enough to leave the sunshine a whole day early? Hmmmmmm....maybe not.

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I smiled at him and said, “Come on, get up! I miss the neighbor’s rooster!” 

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He laughed. I don’t think he likes the rooster as much as I do!

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We were packed and on the road in fairly short order. He wouldn’t let me drive, even though I felt much better yesterday than the day before. He is a wise man. By the time we stopped for the evening, I was whupped...and all I did was ride along and read road signs.

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I love road trips. We left the interstate for a while and cut off a few miles getting from Port Richey to Jacksonville. We passed lots of roadside stands selling strawberries, blueberries, and Vidalia Onions. We didn’t stop though. We basically just drove and talked and ate popcorn all day. It was a nice way to end what was often a wicked hard year.

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I won’t count the days anymore. Things will change along the way and I’ll note them, but no matter how hard you beg, God will not tell you how many days you have on this earth. I documented a year...yet ANOTHER year. A year out of EIGHT years that I’ve shared with you. There was fear, sadness, hope, love, frustration, boredom, loneliness, pain, and change. So, so much change. Isn’t that the one thing we can always count on in life? Change? I’d be a lot happier if I didn’t have to face quite so MUCH change in just one year, but we don’t get to choose that either. We only get to choose what we do with it. 

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I think I’ve done ok with my lost year. I think, in many ways...it made me find more of myself. But I truly, truly wish all those beautiful people had just one more year to love their people. That’s the thing about life. 

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We always think there is time.

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NOTE: If you are in the way of the storms this week, please do be careful! My prayers are with you!!! ?

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?

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“The angel showed me a river that was crystal clear, and its waters gave life. The river came from the throne where God and the Lamb were seated. Then it flowed down the middle of the city's main street. On each side of the river are trees that grow a different kind of fruit each month of the year. The fruit gives life, and the leaves are used as medicine to heal the nations.”

\nRevelation 22:1-2 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-03-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/03/17/day-documenting-a-lost-year.html", "tags": ["Travel","Choices","Change","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/03/01/day-rain-peepers-and-apple.html", "title": "Day 350: Rain, Peepers, and Apple Pie!", "content_html": "\n
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I love sixty-four degrees! We keep the thermostat at 64 degrees year round. We have a gas stove in the family room that keeps us a little toastier, but the rest of the house stays at 64. In the summer, the AC is on...until the heat of the summer breaks. Then...as soon as I see the outdoor temperature is 64, the AC is turned off and the windows are thrown open wide. The opposite is true in the winter. As soon as the thermometer hits that magic number, I can breathe again. It means spring is well on its way...even if there are more freezes, or even snow after.

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We had heavy rain yesterday. When I woke up, I could see the water dripping from the eaves out the window and knew the rains had come. I could hear the roar of heavier rain as it came over the far hill....louder and louder as it made its way closer and closer...till it pounded the roof over my head. I smiled. I love, love, love rain. Maybe that’s why I love West Virginia so much. We have received between 1.5 and 2.5 inches of rain from this storm.

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Sometime in the afternoon, I got up from my comfy red chair to make that apple pie I told you about. As I peeled the apples by hand, I mentioned to Mr. FixIt it was a good thing I don’t like to peel apples very much, because I dearly love apple pie and we’d be having it far too often. I make my pie crust in my food processor because it’s ready in no time. But peeling the apples. Ugh. I try to make it a meditation, but that doesn’t always work. I glanced at the clock and decided I knew the perfect way to pass the time.

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I moved our little Amazon Echo into the kitchen where I sat at the breakfast bar. I knew my Colorado peeps were gathered at Ben & Sue’s house to celebrate Big’s birthday, so I made a video call. As I finished the apples, and rolled out the dough, I visited with my family and sang Happy Birthday with them. It was so much fun! We all laughed as Big opened her box in a box in a box times five to get to the money she requested. Her mom is taking her to the Olympic Swim Trials this summer to observe, then they’re coming here. We will keep Little with us while they go look at college campuses. (How is this possible???) I cannot tell you how incredibly excited I am to get my family here!!!

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I heard the very first sounds of peepers up the holler last evening...their bright and cheery calls beckoning their mates to do what little froggies do at this time of year. The creeks are roaring and our yard is filled with water, but our work on the drain last week was successful. It’s working like it’s supposed to, which is a great relief. 

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As I write this, I again remind myself of our many blessings for which we are so grateful. I think of my dear friend who lost her only sister yesterday. I think of another dear friend who lost a cousin to suicide last week. And another dear friend whose niece is suffering “locked-in syndrome” after a brain bleed and a major stroke right as they were about to have their first baby. It kind of makes any complaints I may have seem pretty puny in comparison. God is so good to us and provides for our needs. I am so grateful I have His presence in my life...to lean on in times of trouble. It’s easy to forget to thank Him when things are going great, so I’m especially mindful to express my gratitude.

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Goodbye, February...Hello, March!!! I hope you have a pleasant Monday and things go well in your world this week.

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?

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“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

\nJames 1:17 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-03-01T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/03/01/day-rain-peepers-and-apple.html", "tags": ["Change","Farm Life","Baking","Cooking","In the Kitchen"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/18/day-the-grander-scheme-of.html", "title": "Day 339: The Grander Scheme of Things", "content_html": "\n
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We are supposed to have our second Covid shot today, but the weatherman says Mother Nature may not cooperate with us. I’m praying the roads are clear and the vaccine clinic isn’t rescheduled. I want to have as much time between the vaccine and my surgery as possible...not only to improve my chances of staying healthy on our trip to Florida, but also to make sure I feel my best when we get there.

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I baked the Chocolate Chip Cookies yesterday. The turned out great...thick, golden around the edges, crispy on the outside, moist and chewy on the inside. Really sweet...but so flavorful. I rarely make a cookie recipe that you have to chill the dough. I don’t have the patience and when I bake cookies,, it’s usually because I’m having a hankering for something sweet and I don’t want to wait for it. Patience is not my virtue, really.

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We also took down the Christmas decorations and alas...the living room window looks so bare and sad. The nights are getting visibly shorter though, so I’m not quite as upset about it as I would have been in early January. I carefully wrapped each precious ornament in newspaper and tucked them inside a big plastic bin to keep them safe till next year. I told Mr. FixIt as we toted them downstairs to the storage room...leaving them up this late will just make the time feel shorter till we put them up again.

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As I was working on my genealogy yesterday, I ran across a 2nd great grandmother who was repeatedly listed as her mother’s sibling. I had such a hard time trying to figure out what was going on when I finally found her birth certificate. It turns out, her mother was unmarried and there was no father in the picture, so the grandparents registered the birth as their child. I suppose in the 1800’s, it was easier to get away with doing that. And, it was a proper way to save face. 

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I imagine that happened a lot back in those days. It made me think about how complex genealogy will become in the generations to come. People living together without being married, having babies on their own, same sex marriages, and transgendered individuals may be difficult to trace two hundred years from now. Then again, it’s hard to even imagine the world two hundred years from now, isn’t it? I mean, look what’s happened in the last two hundred. If somehow George Washington could be transported to 2021, he wouldn’t recognize what we’ve done to his country.

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These are things that keep me up at night. Well, actually...these are the things that I occupy my mind with when I can’t sleep. One game I play is imagining all the human things that are happening at the same time. There are babies being born and people dying...all at the same time...every minute of every day. People are marrying and divorcing. Tragedies are happening while at the very same moment, great celebrations take place. It makes me feel more connected to the greater web of humanity when I picture some people dancing in the rain while others are huddled inside, trying to keep warm. Some are fed and some are hungry. 

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On the basest of levels...every single one of us is connected in some primal way. This is the thinking of climatologists, anthropologists, and philanthropists. This must be the way Bill Gates looks at the world and wonders how he can use his vast wealth and intellect to help humanity. When Mr. Virgo worked at the Hotel Jerome in Aspen, he and the general manager of the hotel were the only people with a high enough security clearance to work in the room at the Forstman-Little Conference. This was an event where people came together and talked about the world and how they see its problems. Notables from around the globe gathered...politicians, dignitaries, sports figures, news people, financiers...notables from all walks of life. I found it fascinating and would have given just about anything to sit quietly in the back of the room to listen.

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We live such small lives...like ants in a colony...doing our thing, feeding our people, working to put food on the table. I find it refreshing to think larger from time to time, if for no other reason that to shake the cobwebs off and do something...anything...to create a lasting legacy, making my mark on the world. I was talking with Daughter #2 the other day about my writing. I told her...there may come a day, 100 years from now, when my descendants will stumble upon this blog and find it a fascinating glimpse into the life of their 3rd great grandmother’s world. That is another reason I write...and it makes me smile.

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?

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“These are things we learned from our ancestors, and we will tell them to the next generation. We won't keep secret the glorious deeds and the mighty miracles of the Lord. God gave his Law to Jacob's descendants, the people of Israel. And he told our ancestors to teach their children, so that each new generation would know his Law and tell it to the next.”

\nPsalms 78:3-6 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-18T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/18/day-the-grander-scheme-of.html", "tags": ["Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Writing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/15/day-vulnerability.html", "title": "Day 336: Vulnerability", "content_html": "\n
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One of the hallmarks of this blog has always been my willingness to be open and vulnerable with you all. That started during the deep, dark days of my active grieving when Mr. Virgo died. I pledged I would always be open and honest with you...sometimes to the consternation of my friends and family. I know they were thinking more along the lines of my personal safety, but I needed what I gave you when I gave it. It was as much, if not more, for me than it was for you.

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I haven’t found much I haven’t been willing to talk about here. Why? Because, I’ve learned from all of you, I’m not the only one going through the things I go through, and it helps to know that.It makes you feel a little less alone, a little less crazy, a little less lonely to know others share the human condition right along side you. And to that end, we are going to talk about my memory.

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I know you have noticed over the last few weeks, there have been numerous times the link doesn’t work from my Facebook page to my website. You all are so kind to send me notes or leave me comments to let me know. Here’s what’s been happening behind that. I’ve told you I have hyperparathyroidism. That’s caused by a tumor on the parathyroid gland. It doesn’t have anything to do with the thyroid itself...it only lies beside it, hence the “para” prefix. 

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One of the most annoying symptoms of pHPT (primary hyperparathyroidism) is brain fog. Add that to the grief brain, the closed head injury, and normal aging and I’m feeling really concerned about it. I would make lists, but I don’t remember to make them. I tell the same story over and over because I tell stories all the time and I can’t remember who I’ve told what to. Mr. FixIt swears I’ve told him something, or he’s told me something...and I swear just as hard that it isn’t true.

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I writing my posts in Pages...a word processing app on my iPad. Then I cut and paste it over to my website. There are several steps that I have to take to schedule my post to publish the next morning. One of the steps is selecting the date and time. There are two little boxes beside the time...one for AM, one for PM. They are soft gray, and I’ve been missing them. (It automatically selects the time you are in, so I write at night...it is set on PM.) If I forget to select AM, it won’t schedule till the following afternoon. When I schedule it on FB, it’s black and white and I see it more clearly.

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I know it’s a little thing, and in the grand scheme of things, it’s not a big deal. But, if I’m having this much trouble at 67, what’s going to happen at 77...and 87? My only consolation at this point is, the people in the support group I follow on Facebook for hyperparathyroidism tell me their brain function and memory got SO much better after the surgery. I am praying that is the case with me. Because it really sucks when I can’t remember stuff. And, being a perfectionist, it really sucks when I screw up. I’ve never “screwed up well”. I’m a bad screwer-upper. Anyway, if you notice, that’s what is going on. Let’s just pray all these nasty symptoms I’ve been having over the course of this disease get better when we get the offending gland removed.

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In the meantime, Mr. FixIt ran to Sam’s yesterday to get some supplies before the next storm comes through, and he brought me a present for Valentine’s Day...four Mammoth Elephant Ear bulbs! I was so excited!!! I’ve been wanting these for the last three summers. We have several of a smaller variety that we plant along the fence in the summer. Last year, Mr. FixIt planted them way too early so they never really got very big. You have to dig the bulbs up before they freeze and store them in a big bucket in the basement, then plant them in the spring. And the best part? The deer and the rabbits leave them alone!

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Since I got new Elephant Ear bulbs, I made Mr. FixIt eggplant parmesan for supper for his Valentine. And, we drove out to the farm for a little while which always does my heart good. I hope you all are staying safe out there. I’m praying for all of you in the paths of the storms! 

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?

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“When you see trouble coming, don't be stupid and walk right into it— be smart and hide.”

\nProverbs 22:3 CEV\n
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#Disasters, #Storms, #Preparation

\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-15T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/15/day-vulnerability.html", "tags": ["Health","Fear","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/07/day-the-pushmepullyou.html", "title": "Day 328: The PushMe-PullYou", "content_html": "\n
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Do you remember the movie “Doctor Doolittle”? There was a two-headed llama called a PushMe-PullYou. I always got a kick out of it because...being a Gemini...I could really relate. I’m always going in at LEAST two different directions...often times more. That has become decidedly more difficult since I am “of a certain age” now. But it is complicated by one of the nasty symptoms of my hyperparathyroidism. 

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I have read so much about this disease in the last six months and it’s fascinating. It’s a disease than can cut your life short, yet the culprits are four tiny little glands no bigger than a grain of rice attached to the back of the thyroid. It’s not easy to diagnose. The symptoms can sound like they’re all in your head which, unfortunately, too many doctors assume are. And, they can make you feel like you’re going crazy or getting Alzheimer’s. 

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Once I finally got on the right track towards a diagnosis, then the fight became finding a doctor that believed me. We have to be our own advocates when we are ill. When I grew up, I was taught that doctors are to be revered and never questioned. Then I was was married to one for 21 years and I know for a fact...they put their pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. That being said, it does take a bit of diplomacy when showing your primary care doctor the evidence that substantiates a diagnosis of hyperparathyroidism. It seems, they may put their pants on one leg at a time, but their egos to bruise easily.

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I’ve been blessed that the nurse practitioner in my PCP’s office is the one who ordered my tests and made the diagnosis. I didn’t have any trouble getting a referral to an endocrinologist, however, I was not at all happy with the first one I saw. He essentially blew me off. I had to be assertive (which isn’t always my strong suit) and press for a second opinion. The next endocrinologist totally got what I was saying, evaluated my tests, and agreed...I needed to see an endocrine surgeon.

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I could have tried someone relatively close by...but Hubby #2 definitely suggested I see someone who does a lot of these surgeries. The parathyroid glands are near the vocal chords and you can paralyze one, or both (God forbid) during surgery, so you want someone who knows what their doing. I found that in the Norman Parathyroid Center in Tampa, Florida. I’ve gone through the initial intake and had my consultation with a surgeon. And he agrees...it’s a slam dunk case of a parathyroid adenoma and it needs to come out.

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Last week, I got my surgery scheduled. We have to be there a couple of days early to have a covid test done. We spent the better part of the last couple of days planning our trip to Florida. It will come a couple of weeks after having our second Covid Vaccine shot. We’ll leave Pumpkin at the Kitty Hilton and head south. The first three days won’t be the fun part. Getting there and getting settled in our hotel in downtown Tampa, getting the covid test, and getting my bearings for the trip over on the day of surgery.

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The hotels the center use give you a good discount, and offer free parking and a ride to and from surgery. Because of Covid restriction, Mr. FixIt can’t come to the hospital, so I wanted to get a room nearby that he could be comfortable with. He wanted us to get one place that we would stay in during the whole trip. We want to stay fairly close to the beach, and in order to be more affordable, that would make for at least an hour drive each way. I would be a nervous wreck the morning of surgery if we got stuck in traffic. And if it caused me to miss my surgery...well, that would NOT be good. So, the first three nights are in the city. Then the following six nights are at the beach.

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If one has to have surgery, I can’t think of any place more wonderful to recuperate than a sunny beach on the Gulf Coast of Florida! I found a lovely suite with a kitchenette so we can cook in our room and not have to worry about dining out. And it’s just minutes from great beaches and quaint little tourist towns, and other sites. I felt so much better once I got that all scheduled. Now I just have to reserve a space for the kitty and make sure everything is squared away on the Ponderosa and we’ll be ready to rock and roll. 

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I’ve read many testimonials from other patients and actually have a friend from high school that has had this same surgery. They all remark they had no idea how BAD they felt till they had the surgery and felt wonderful again. Many of them remark the bone pain they have had for years is gone within hours after the surgery. Sometimes it takes a little longer, but most feel markedly better in a short amount of time. I’m really looking forward to getting this over with and I can get on with my life and feel better. I have LOTS of stuff to do yet!

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?

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“Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.””

\nLuke 8:50 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-07T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/07/day-the-pushmepullyou.html", "tags": ["Health","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/30/day-fighting-the-fog.html", "title": "Day 320: Fighting the Fog", "content_html": "\n
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Aging ain’t for sissies, is it. I’m sixty-seven now, and while that’s not elderly by any stretch of the imagination...I’m no spring chicken. “Grief Brain” threw me for a loop. The first couple of years after losing Mr. Virgo, I couldn’t remember things without writing lists and then I couldn’t remember where I put them. Things just seemed to fall through the crack and it really scared me. But, with time and healing, that got a lot better. Then...I had a closed head injury.

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In February 2017, a man pulled out in front of me and I could not stop. I t-boned him, the airbags went off, and we went around in a circle in the road. I had a pretty bad concussion and a subdural hematoma and I lost my memory...about two months before and at least two months after. I mean, like...I had a whole trip to Florida that I do not remember. I saw the historic re-enactment complex at Fort New Salem on the internet. I went and showed it to Mr. FixIt and suggested we should go see it because it looked really interesting. He looked at me weird and said...quietly, “Honey, I took you there.” I had absolutely no memory of it until he described what it looked like and that the day was rainy and the wood on the buildings were dark grey with moisture. Then, it was like remembering a photograph I was shown fleetingly once, but I couldn’t recall the circumstances around it.

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That was really scary, but again, with time and healing, I was able to develop and hold onto new memories, although those months surrounding the accident are still a dim and distant fog. An out-of-focus picture album of black and white photos...grainy and crackled.

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Sometime about three years or so ago, I started getting these weird, phantom pains that migrated...here for a while, then there for a while. My temper got really short and I was just grouchy about everything. I couldn’t sleep worth a darn. And the fog started rolling in again. This time, I was really afraid I was getting Alzheimer’s. I have trouble finding words when I talk. I swear things have never happened when Mr. FixIt swears just as strongly that they did.

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We went for a drive yesterday to find the house my parents lived in when they were first married. I may have seen it when I was young, but even looking at it didn’t ring a bell with me. It turns out, I’ve driven past it hundreds of times...I just didn’t know its significance. Then, I told Mr. FixIt I wanted to find the house my aunt lived in when I was a little girl. He said I had shown him that house before and told him someone I knew had lived there. It couldn’t have been my aunt’s house because I didn’t even know where it was until I saw the address in the city directory yesterday when I was working on my genealogy.

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We drove toward the area when he pointed out a house and said, “There...it’s that one.” He said it may not be my aunt that I told him had lived there, but I’ve pointed that house out to him several times and told him I used to know who lived there. I actually drove past the house twice yesterday, and...even though I have driven past it all my life...I have absolutely no memory of ever telling him I know someone who lived there. None whatsoever.

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When these things happen, it’s terribly disconcerting. However, now I know that this is a very common side effect of hyperparathyroidism, and when I get the tumor removed, it should improved greatly. I certainly hope so, because it is very upsetting to walk around in a fog when you know you’ve been a whole lot sharper than this. As soon as we get the second dose of the covid vaccine and I’ve had a few days to get through any side effects, I’ll be calling to schedule my surgery in Florida. Then I can get my life back on track and feel more like myself again.

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It’s not just the mental fog. Some days I hurt something awful and have a hard time getting up and down out of my chair. Muscle and joint pain and headaches on top of the brain fog is enough to get you down. So, until I can get the surgery done, I continue to work word puzzles about an hour every day and do what I can to keep my brain active. I’m going to start walking and eating healthier, as well. There are brighter days ahead...and I’m not going to miss out on anything. I have too much living to do to just settle for this!

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?

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“Once again Jesus spoke to the people. This time he said, “I am the light for the world! Follow me, and you won't be walking in the dark. You will have the light that gives life.””

\nJohn 8:12 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-30T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/30/day-fighting-the-fog.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Change","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/27/day-missing-my-gal-pals.html", "title": "Day 317: Missing my Gal Pals", "content_html": "\n
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BC...Before Covid...I used to get together with my girlfriends from high school at least once a month for coffee. We had a class dinner at least a couple of times a year. I met friends for walking, lunch, or live music. It seems like that was a whole lifetime ago...maybe two. And now, with the threat of the more contagious variants, it can make one weary.

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I’m feeling there is promise of better days ahead, though. Mr. FixIt and I have had our first dose of the covid vaccine and we get the second on February 18th. The numbers are wobbling but with a slight turn downward. We’re getting a better handle on what needs to be done to prevent the spread and hopefully keep the variants down till we can reach a higher number of antibodies in the general public. Even wearing two masks doesn’t bother me. Whatever it takes to get through this quicker and get it behind us.

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As I told you yesterday, I’ve finished copying the posts from Facebook to my blog. But, what I did yesterday is scroll through the website and double check each post to see if they display properly. There is a step I take in posting where I select the main image I want to show up as the lead on each post online. It’s surprising to me how many times I missed that step. So, I spent a few hours scrolling back and fixing that. And, of course, that took me down memory lane.

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It’s amazing how adaptable human beings are. We are more careful with distance, we wear masks more, and we practice better hygiene. I worked in medicine for 42 years and I swear, I’ve washed my hands more in the last year than I ever have before. I’m fine with it, because I know...or at least I HOPE...it won’t last forever. While I do believe this coronavirus will always be around, I also believe we’ll get enough her immunity through vaccine and illness to tamp it down.

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That doesn’t mean I don’t miss my girlfriends. I am really looking forward to the warm, sunny days of spring where we can sit in the park with our coffee and visit. I’m not pushing it with indoors stuff because...I want all of my girlfriends THERE. I don’t want to lose a single one of them. I know right at the moment, there is mass confusion with the vaccines, but help is on the way. And, I know there is a disparity in the way the vaccine is being distributed. That’s also being worked on. Poor countries need the vaccine as desperately as the wealthier ones. 

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I still keep the healthcare workers, the scientists, the frontline and essential workers, our soldiers, our leaders, and all the people of the world in my daily prayers. I am loyal to my country, but I am also praying hard for ALL humanity...no matter where they live...that this crisis will be conquered sooner rather than later.

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It kinda puts missing my girlfriends for coffee into perspective, doesn’t it?

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?

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“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

\n2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-27T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/27/day-missing-my-gal-pals.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Change","Memories","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/24/day-doctor-doctori-can-walk.html", "title": "Day 314: Doctor, Doctor...I Can Walk!", "content_html": "\n
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I’ve survived a lot in my sixty-seven years. Abuse, trauma, addiction, depression. And, every time I’ve gone through a rough patch, I come out feeling such a tremendous sense of relief and gratitude that the pain finally stopped. I have to say...I felt that yesterday. When you are in the trenches for a long time, it’s really easy to convince yourself you’re doing ok. It’s not so bad. I can do this. Then, when the weight is lifted, you realize just how awful it was down there. It’s the same as when you’ve been very sick with a bad flu. When you feel better is when you realize just how sick you really were.

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It seems something as ubiquitous as the “Bernie Memes” swept the internet, our country came out of the water at the deep end and gasped a lung full of fresh air. You could almost feel a collective sigh as people everywhere belly laughed for maybe the first time in a long, long time. It felt good. No...it felt GREAT! It felt liberating....like coming out of a dark winter into the warm sunshine of spring.

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It’s been a rough stretch for an awful lot of people in this country and Bernie sitting in a chair EVERYWHERE was just what the doctor ordered. I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders as I saw thread after thread on the internet...each meme funnier that the last. It felt...normal. Like, normal life. The Covid numbers are still awful, but they just might be slowing down ever so slightly. The vaccines are slowly trickling out, but help is on the way to coordinate the effort. And each day has incrementally more light in it that the day before as we slowly inch our way toward spring.

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The sun was shining yesterday here at the Ponderosa. I sat in my big red recliner and worked all day on my website and I’m making great progress. I am up to the first week of September 2016. Once I finish copying November 14, 2016...everything will be on my website. What an accomplishment that will be. To be able to scroll down and see eight years of work at my fingertips. It makes me giddy to think such a huge undertaking is nearly complete. Between that and the stress released by lots of belly laughs...I’m feeling like a new woman today! We aren’t totally out of the woods yet, but my strength has been renewed and I can face another day...with a whole boatload more hope!

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?

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“I pray that God, who gives hope, will bless you with complete happiness and peace because of your faith. And may the power of the Holy Spirit fill you with hope.”

\nRomans 15:13 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/24/day-doctor-doctori-can-walk.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Fun","Gratitude","Wisdom","Change","Be Joyful!","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/07/day-my-brain-is-buzzing.html", "title": "Day 297: My Brain is Buzzing", "content_html": "\n
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The sweetest couple moved in next door to me the year after Mr. Virgo died. They had a little boy and I became Nana Ginny to him. He knew I sometimes slept in my camper, so in the mornings, he would run over and knock on the camper door to say hello before his mama took him to day care.

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Last week, his real life grandma was tragically killed in a traffic accident. I have met her several times...enough to know she was a very sweet woman. And I love her kids. It’s very sad.

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Then, over the weekend, I learned my brother-in-law’s mom died unexpectedly in her sleep. They had shiva for her Tuesday evening over zoom. It’s been many, many years since I attended a Jewish service. I lived a Jewish life for 27 years and the memories flooded over me. I listened to my sweet B-I-L speak words about his mom and there were so many things I didn’t know about his childhood...sad things. It made me cry.

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Later in the evening, I looked online for my friend’s mom’s obituary but when I opened the obit page...there was my sweet friend, Melissa. My heart broke. When Hubby #2 and I moved to the mountains of Colorado after residency, Melissa and her family were neighbors a few doors down. Daughter #1 used to babysit for her children. She was truly one of the sweetest, most genuinely kind women I’ve ever known. After I went through my divorce and opened my needlework shop, I used to meet her and several other gals for coffee every Thursday morning. I hadn’t seen her in a couple years and only learned she had brain cancer a few months ago. It was also Epiphany...twenty-one years sober, twenty-one years since my overdose, my “re-birth day”. 

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Then yesterday, all hell broke loose at the capital and we were plugged into that all day. By last night, my brain was buzzing on overload. I don’t even know how to begin talking about what I saw. I’ll process it for a bit then we’ll revisit. Sometimes things come at you so rapid fire, you don’t even have time to process before the next thing comes. I was just crushed by the time I went to bed. I’m hoping today is a bit more peaceful.

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Prayers for all who were injured yesterday. And for the family and friends of those who were killed. And for our legislators who went through all that. And for all of us who sat and watched. 

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?

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“Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save.”

\nPsalms 146:3 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-07T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/07/day-my-brain-is-buzzing.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Warning","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/12/30/day-let-your-light-shine.html", "title": "Day 289: Let Your Light Shine Brighter", "content_html": "\n
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My grandma had all kinds of sayings that were descriptive and puzzling and funny and weird. Some were long handed down colloquialisms. Some were just those inside jokes that develop within the family and you’re surprised no one else has heard them...they’re just so accurate. One saying she used a lot...it was an Appalachian take on Karma. If you did something you might not ought to have done, or if you made a simple mistake that came back to bite you in the butt later, Grandma would exclaim... “Well, your chickens are just coming home to roost.” Meaning...you’re going to have to pay for that one.

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Covid. You would be hard pressed at this point to find someone who doesn’t know someone in their circle who has had it. I hear more and more, every week. I can’t count anymore how many people I know who have had it or knows someone who has. I find it just as concerning today as I did when this first started spreading like wildfire in March. My only fear is that someone I know and love will get it and die. Thank God, the ones I know personally have been among the fortunates who just get sick. Science is still trying to figure out why some feel nothing much more than a bad cold while others seem a little sick one day and die the next. 

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It’s a crazy disease. And seriously, one that should never, ever have gotten out of hand like this in the United States of America. I’m not going to go on a rant over this here, but I have choice words when I’m watching the news with Mr. FixIt...trust me.

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The other day, Daughter #2 called in a panic. They have a good friend who totaled his car a couple of weeks ago and they helped him out. His bubble is small, like theirs, although he does work in assisted living. His patient population had remained untouched by Covid until the week of his accident. And that is when my daughter went to pick him up from the emergency room after his car accident and let him stay with them for a couple of days to make sure he was ok.

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Within a few days, he tested positive for Covid. And, three days later, my daughter and her wife began having symptoms. They went right away and got tested, however, tests can often be negative when taken too early in the course of the illness. They haven’t had another test yet, but the circumstances wouldn’t be any different for them if they had. They are isolated and will schedule a repeat test sometime this week.

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I am also thanking God they aren’t any sicker than they are. Right now, it’s mostly the fatigue that’s hitting them, and my daughter says it really doesn’t feel much worse than a really bad cold. Thankfully, she has Type O blood...they say those with that blood type seem to get a less severe case. Which is good because she also has bad asthma. 

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They were just trying to do something kind to help their friend out when he crashed his car. They thought they were safe with all the precautions and their small social bubbles. But, it just goes to show you, this disease is nothing to trifle with. We cannot afford to let our collective guard down...which leads me to my main gripe.

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Sitting in my living room, not seeing my family since March...not seeing my Colorado family since August 2019...not eating in a restaurant since February, not camping, not socializing outside of direct family who also socially isolate and then only visiting outside and distanced. Making all these sacrifices and then watching all those people going through the airports and mingling at the malls, knowing...KNOWING full well what’s going to come in two weeks...it makes me so mad I could spit nails! I worked in medicine for forty-two years. I was married to an internist for twenty-one of those. I know how hard those on the front lines work when there ISN’T a pandemic raging. 

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All it would have taken was a warning in January...something deadly is coming. Prepare yourselves. These are the steps you’re going to need to take. Do these things so we can hunker down and get through it and get back to normal as soon as possible. New Zealand did it. Other countries did it. 

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This isn’t our Grandfather’s country anymore. What happened to the spirit of a people who rallied around the war effort and sacrificed for others? Those who say “You can’t stop living your life!” Tell that to the 330,000+ families who have lost their beloveds. It just boggles my mind that there are STILL people out there who think this is all a hoax or it’s overblown or it’s just a political ploy to try to control the masses. How many body bags does it take to convince them this is real and the medical community is about to crack?

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Ok...ok...I got on my soapbox after all. I can’t help it. It’s come after MY baby now! And this mama is pissed!!!

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IT’S NOT FOREVER...IT’S JUST FOR NOW!!!

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STAY HOME

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WATCH YOUR DISTANCE

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WEAR A MASK

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WASH YOUR HANDS

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And, please pray my baby and her wife get better quickly with no complications or lasting side effects.

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PLEASE

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When times are dark....let your light shine brighter!

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Photo Credit: Steve Derrick - https://www.timesunion.com/entertainment/article/Local-artist-unmasks-soul-of-front-line-workers-15513007.php

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?

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“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

\nPhilippians 2:3-4 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-12-30T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/12/30/day-let-your-light-shine.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change","Kindness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/12/23/day-special-deliveryjust-in-time.html", "title": "Day 284: Special Delivery...Just in Time for Christmas!", "content_html": "\n
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I’ve been feeling kinda blue about Christmas this year. Covid has us sequestered and the kids all feel like they could just as well be on the moon. Top that with our firm commitment NOT to buy each other gifts this year and the season has just been...blah. I certainly have no complaints about the gift thing. We bought ourselves new recliners this year. Then the microwave went out and we replaced that. We had a trip to the beach in October. And there was an unexpected assessment on the condo this year, so we figured that was plenty. There really isn’t anything we really need anyway.

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I’ve been so blessed to have all this time and supplies to do so much canning this year and those things don’t come cheap. But there’s only so much room in the kitchen and I’ve long since run out of space to store my small appliances. There are the shelves in the basement where I can store them but I know just as soon as I cart them downstairs, I’ll need one of them. Some of them are fairly heavy and unwieldy. An idea has been bouncing around in my mind for the last several weeks.

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My dear friend Ryb had a beautiful piece of furniture built in her Colorado kitchen to store her small appliances and baking pans. I always admired that, and vowed someday to have one. Then, divorce took away my big country kitchen and the house I built was just too small for such a cumbersome piece. Segue to 2020 and the Ponderosa. Another country kitchen, but still not enough room to house all my kitchen gadgets. I’ve been scouring Facebook Marketplace for something that might work but nothing was catching my eye. So, I did what I always do...I gave it to God and went about my business.

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Yesterday morning, I was having my coffee when a notification came across my phone...from Mr. FixIt...who was sitting on the other side of the living room. 

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“Look at this,” he said.

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It was a three piece, solid wood bookcase cabinet combo. An early entertainment center, really. But lovely. Country styling. Light oak. Interesting. I figured it would be way more than I wanted to pay. I kinda had a price in mind...$300.

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“Nice! How much to they want for that?”

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“$300!”

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“Each piece?”

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“No...total!”

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We looked at each other and smiled. I texted the lady and made arrangements and by 8:00 last night, the office was cleaned out, the furniture was in it, and it was holding all my appliances! I mean...if I would have measured out the space I needed to house my stuff, I couldn’t have done any better than this! It is so solid and heavy (thank you Harry and Joe for helping bring it home!) Seriously, it took three men to get it over here.

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As I carted my appliances from the floor of our dining room into the office adjacent to the kitchen, I placed each one in just the perfect spot. And with each trip, my heart got lighter and lighter. Because, I realize how truly blessed I am. I know there are people struggling mightily this year to just put food on the table. We are blessed this pandemic hit when we were retired and not when we were trying to raise a family. But, mostly...my heart was light because God always provides us with what we need. 

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Did I NEED that piece of furniture? No, I did not. Did it brighten my heart and fill me with a sense of awe that God hears us? Yes, it did. God isn’t a Sears & Roebuck Catalog. You don’t just send out wishes and He fills them like the genie in the lamp. But He provides and wants to hear from us about all our hopes and dreams and wishes. Sometimes He says no...a LOT of times He says no. But...sometimes He says yes! We have been so blessed to be able to help out food banks and assist a few people during these trying times. This gift makes it easier for me to be organized and cook and provide for others without breaking the bank so that we CAN keep helping others. I am so humbled that God is so good.

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?

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“You will be blessed in every way, and you will be able to keep on being generous. Then many people will thank God when we deliver your gift.”

\n2 Corinthians 9:11 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-12-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/12/23/day-special-deliveryjust-in-time.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","Change","Farm Life","Baking","Cooking","In the Kitchen"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/12/22/day-winter-solsticehere-comes-the.html", "title": "Day 283: Winter Solstice...Here Comes the Sun!", "content_html": "\n
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We just went through the longest, darkest night of the longest darkest year. I always look forward to December 22nd as the beginning. It symbolizes the gradual...way TOO gradual...lengthening of the days. It won’t be too long till we’ll start noticing the sun setting a little later week by week. This day, and March 17th for some reason, are always days filled with hope and joy and promise.

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I’m trying hard not to look at all the reasons to be sad this year, but it isn’t easy. Hearing all the tragic storied surrounding the spread of the Coronavirus and the inability of the medical community to keep up is just staggering. Coming on the heels of those reports are stories of the impending holiday with its travel and traditional gatherings that people just will not give up. The storm will surge again and again. We simply must make sacrifices for the effort for the common good. As I tell my family...it isn’t forever. It’s just for now.

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Daughter #1 has been dropping hints regarding our Christmas present this year. She says it’s something I want. Something I discussed in a recent conversation. And I don’t have to go out and buy one now. I think I know what it is, but I’m not saying out loud. Mr. FixIt and I decided not to exchange gifts this year because we just bought the new recliners and a new microwave. And, he gave me an antique gold wedding band to replace the one that won’t go over my swollen knuckles. We received some beautiful handmade gifts from my step-daughter this weekend. There will be a few other things. Neighbors have brought cookies. And the former Mrs. FixIt gifted us a huge cookie tray with magnificent treats in it. So, we’re set. But, if the gift from my daughter is what I think it is, it’s going to be such a delight!

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Hubby #2 and I got married on this day, forty-one years ago. He was in his first year of medical school and we were poor as church mice. We got married at home with a couple dozen friends attending. We ate and drank and danced the night away. And we celebrated all the joyful days we had in front of us...as lovers always do when they marry. As it turned out, we did have many years of joy...and just as many that were dark and difficult...as often happens when lovers marry young. This day still holds that hope for a brighter tomorrow for me...no matter what else had happened on the date in the past.

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One of our local grands sent me pictures of our great grandson opening his Christmas presents from us this weekend. We decided it was imperative the cinnamon rolls will still need to be made this week and delivered before Christmas Eve! Mr. FixIt and I want to go for a long drive and see the Christmas lights so I’ll make them, package them up, and deliver them while we are out and about. We’ll be Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus!

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??????

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“As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest, cold and heat; winter and summer, day and night.”

\nGenesis 8:22 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-12-22T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/12/22/day-winter-solsticehere-comes-the.html", "tags": ["Family","Hope","Comfort","Holiday","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/11/12/day-saying-goodbye.html", "title": "Day 243: Saying “Goodbye”", "content_html": "\n
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No, no...not me. I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry. Last night, Mr. FixIt and I watched the Veteran’s Day tribute to the final episode of MASH. Oh...I really loved that show. The first episode aired on September 17, 1972. I was in my second year of radiology training. But, I don’t really remember watching it until the late 1970’s, probably because I spent the middle of that decade in England. 

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Hubby #2 was in medical school and we were dirt poor. We couldn’t afford to heat the house so as soon as it was dark out, we’d all pile up in our bed under a gazillion covers to stay warm. MASH was one of our favorite shows. When we finally were finished with medical training, we moved to the mountains. MASH was syndicated by then and there were reruns every night. It was our habit to watch the 11:00 news, then an episode of MASH before we went to sleep. 

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When that fateful day came when it wasn’t on after the news anymore, it felt like the whole world was different. In the final episode, BJ has been having a really hard time saying the word “goodbye”. As Hawkeye lifts off in the helicopter, he looks down and sees that BJ arranged the white rocks from around the camp into the word GOODBYE...and the familiar strains of the theme song came in as the chopper flies off into the sunset.

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Goodbyes are not easy. Sometimes we get the opportunity to say goodbye...sometimes we don’t. Real life isn’t like a well loved if not slightly predictable television program. As I sat down to write this, I opened my iPad like I do every night. My browser was open and there was a story about Alex Trebek’s final day. Alex was particularly fond of a swing he had on his property. He spent his last day, sitting in that swing with his wife, staring at the horizon. I don’t know what his view was, but I think the fact that he was at peace with what he undoubtedly knew was coming made it all the more beautiful. 

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I read that his only regret was he didn’t get to spend as many years with his beloved wife as he would have liked. I think of her now...newly bereaved...sitting out in that swing alone. She still feels him with her, I’m sure. What a beautiful last day he had. Holding his wife’s hand, rocking in the swing. Perhaps they spoke. Perhaps they had long stretches of companionable silence. No one knows but her...as it should be.

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Goodbyes are our last moments of intimacy with people. I was bent over Mr. Virgo as he lay on the floor of that camper in Colorado. I knelt down beside him and held his hand to my chest. On some level, I’m sure I knew I was saying goodbye, but I was doing my darnedest to will him to stay with me. Just in case, I leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “I love you.” He whispered back, “I love you, too.” I know so many don’t get that goodbye...that closure...and that breaks my heart.

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I have a cousin I dearly love. We’ve been FB friends for quite some time. He and his wife were so wonderful and helped me adjust when I first moved back to West Virginia. I am not sure what happened, but we are no longer connected on FB. I don’t know if he saw my political posts and didn’t like them. I don’t know if I said or did something that upset him in some way. I didn’t discover this until yesterday morning, so I have no idea how long it’s been since he unfriended me. It breaks my heart because I love him. But, what can you do? I reached out to his wife and told her to please tell him I love him to the moon...her, too. Maybe we’ll reconnect. Maybe not. Not all goodbyes bring closure. Sometimes they’re one sided and we just have to accept them.

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I’ve never liked goodbyes. They make me sad. They make me cry. Sometimes they confuse me. Sometimes they force me to look in a mirror. There have been a few that have caused me to breathe a sigh of relief. In whatever form, goodbyes always reflect change. The impermanence of this life and the relationships we get to have in it. They’re not always for richer or for poorer, till death us do part. Sometimes they are nothing more than staring off at the horizon.

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?

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“My friends, be glad, even if you have a lot of trouble. You know you learn to endure by having your faith tested. But you must learn to endure everything, so you will be completely mature and not lacking in anything.”

\nJames 1:2-4 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-11-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/11/12/day-saying-goodbye.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/11/01/day-once-in-a-blue.html", "title": "Day 233: Once in a Blue Moon", "content_html": "\n
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A blue moon is the second full moon in one month.

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Happy November! Election season is almost over and I’m lining up my new activities for the coming months. First, we had a “Blue Moon” last night. It is the first time since 1944 that the second full moon in one month could be seen in all four time zones in the continental United States. It was also Halloween and the the end of Daylight Saving Time for 2020. Yes, kids...two more months and this year is behind us! I will not be sorry to see this one go, I’m telling you what. 

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Sycamore Leaves are HUGE!

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The day started out with dense fog here at the Ponderosa. We discussed our plans for the day over a pancake and sausage breakfast. We needed to run into town to Walmart and while Mr. FixIt took care of his errand, I perused the appliance aisle. I’ve been seriously considering getting an air fryer and after asking for advice on my Facebook page, I was ready. I decided on the Ninja Foodie because it doubles as a pressure cooker, air fryer, slow cooker, toaster oven, and dehydrator. 

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Our meager pumpkin haul for 2020.

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When we got home, we took out some of the fresh fish we brought back from the beach to defrost. While it was thawing, I helped my sweetheart with a few things around the yard. We needed to get Pumpkin’s building ready for winter. I got her bed ready with the platform heater and a fresh blanket. Then we washed her heated water dish so it won’t freeze when it gets cold. She is comfy and cozy out there and protected from critters. We decided to put her in the building earlier than usual, given it was Halloween and she’s a black kitty. We live in the country and we just didn’t want to take any chances with our sweet girl. As usual, we didn’t have any Trick or Treaters here.

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The Ninja Foodie

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I unboxed my new kitchen toy and read all the directions. We wanted hush puppies and there was no way to make those in the air fryer. I did fry those in oil and drained them well. The French fries came out of the Ninja hot, brown and crispy. I placed them and the hush puppies on a baking sheet and put them in a 225 degree oven to stay hot. I normally like a wet breading on my fish but Mr. FixIt bought a dry cornmeal breading. I coated the fish and even though it browned in the air fryer, it wasn’t necessarily appealing and it was dried out around the edges. I made some homemade tartar sauce and it still tasted fine. It wasn’t bad for a first try.

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Fish and Chips...Ninja style!

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We watched college football all afternoon and evening and around 8:00 we went out to see the full moon. It had just peeked over the hills across the two-lane and it was indeed beautiful. We have the pool finished now so it’s put to bed for another season. And now...it’s yet another Sunday. I hope you have a beautiful day!

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❤️

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“it will be established forever like the moon, the faithful witness in the sky.””

\nPsalms 89:37 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-11-01T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/11/01/day-once-in-a-blue.html", "tags": ["Change","Farm Life","Cooking","In the Kitchen"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/10/28/day-a-girl-needs-a.html", "title": "Day 229: A Girl Needs a Little “Me Time”", "content_html": "\n
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I had the day off yesterday. Well...I was off by myself. A doctor’s appointment, a breast ultrasound, and a DEXA scan (bone density). All quick, one right after the other and timed perfectly so that when I was done, I had about three hours to do whatever I wanted. My first errand was to one of my favorite stores...Rural King. I purchased an apple peeler a few weeks ago to make working up all the apples easier. However, they don’t make them like they used to and it didn’t work at all right. As a matter of fact, it created MORE work. So, I returned it and got my money back.

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Next stop was Michael’s. I needed to get some supplies for winter projects. I purchased several skeins of Sugar ‘n Cream cotton yarn to knit dishcloths. They make great little gifts. I also got some more clear plastic ornaments to knit covers for and some fluffy white yarn. I think I’ll make snowballs. My cousin shared one of her favorite recipes with me the other day and I want to try it. “Goat Cheese and Fig Cornbread” sounds wonderful and she says it’s amazing. I went to TJMaxx because they have all the great Christmas specialty foods out now. I picked up some imported fig jam and I can’t wait to try out that recipe. They also had some really nice herbs and spices so I picked up a variety of things to try. It’s hard to find Herbs de Provence in West Virginia so you have to get it when you see it!

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As I was driving home, the light was so beautiful, it was hard to keep my eyes on the road. The light was muted and golden with casts of misty blue. The trees have shed much of their leaves only to expose the dense underbrush blazing. Patches of scarlet and crimson mixed with canary yellow. Swaths of russet met the deep green pines. Rich, deep dark chocolate browns rustled with gold and pink and deep burgundy. It’s as though the trees beckoned...begging me to turn and look just once more before the coming rains strip them bare. I felt as though I was driving through a Monet painting...soft, a little out of focus, muted brights. It was brilliant. 

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I thought of the days of wanderlust on my state park tour this time last year. I was about to wrap up a good solid six weeks of camping on Halloween. The trees were giving up the ghost and the chill rains of fall had descended. I was footloose and fancy free for the last half of September and all of October. I will never forget that time on the road and all the amazing places my home state has to offer. As I drove out the two-lane blacktop toward the Ponderosa, I was reminded how tremendously blessed I am to live in this beautiful place that feeds my soul.

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My sweetheart was waiting for me at home. He offered to carry my bags in, but I was fine. I helped him search for the kitty to put her to bed. (She was already in her building asleep on the tractor seat.) I heated up leftovers and we watched the news. It is a sweet and simple life we live here. The days are easy this time of year. No mowing. No canning. Just everyday pursuits...catching up inside with the stuff left undone from being outside since March. Though there are still things to do out there. The pool has officially been put to bed. Some of the garden plants have been cleared. Today we go to town to pick up our new chairs...the first real furniture we have purchased together. When we get back, we have to clean out the gutters because the rain from the hurricanes will be here soon. 

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It really doesn’t end, does it.

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❤️

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“You control human events— you give rulers their power and take it away, and you are the source of wisdom and knowledge.”

\nDaniel 2:21 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-10-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/10/28/day-a-girl-needs-a.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Gratitude","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/10/13/day-practicing-saying-no-thank.html", "title": "Day 214: Practicing Saying “No, Thank You” and “Yes, Please”", "content_html": "\n
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It never fails. I can just about bank on the fact that one of the first days after my arrival in a new place, I’m going to be sick. I have one of those “issues” that you cannot see, but it greatly affects my ability to switch to different locales. I have IBS...Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I was diagnosed when I was a teenager. It waxes and wanes, and if there is the least bit of anxiety involved in the mix, it amps the situation beyond mere discomfort. It’s stirred up by eating different foods than I am used to and the stress of travel.

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Well, that was yesterday. I was especially worried because my stepson and his family are here with us and the last thing I wanted to do was fink out on them. I also know, feeling guilty adds to the whole situation. I needn’t have worried. They love me...they understand...and they are pretty self-sufficient travelers. I sent Mr. FixIt along with them to the beach to fish all afternoon and I stayed at the condo and relaxed. That did more for me than a day in the heat and humidity would have. And, I practiced saying no. That has never been an easy thing for me to do, but I’m getting better at it when I need to.

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When the family came home, we went to see the sunset, we came back to the condo and fixed supper together and sat out on the big deck, then the guys and I walked down to the beach to see the ghost crabs skittering across the sand. The temperature was perfect...73 with the marine layer rolling in. While it wasn’t exactly what I would have envisioned for my day, it was really fine and ended well.

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Today is our second wedding anniversary! My, that time has flown by and so much has happened! Happy Anniversary, Mr. FixIt!!!

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❤️

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“He is the Maker of heaven and earth, the sea, and everything in them— he remains faithful forever.”

\nPsalms 146:6 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-10-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/10/13/day-practicing-saying-no-thank.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/10/03/day-seriously-would-someone-just.html", "title": "Day 204: 2020....Seriously, Would Someone Just Yell BINGO \u0026 Get This Year Over With!!!", "content_html": "\n
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In times of great stress, gallows humor comes into play as a way to cope. When Hubby #2 was in medical school, the “jokes” and “funny” one-liners came rapid fire on the Friday nights when his fellow students came to our house. They would sit on the stoop and drink a beer and talk trash. They had to. If not, they never would have survived the brutality they were faced with on a daily basis. I remember listening with frank shock, wondering how on earth these men and women were ever going to become compassionate physicians.

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Some didn’t survive...at least not in any real functional way. Others barely made it through, forever broken by a system that systematically took every bit of tenderness and goodness from them creating angry cynics...old before their time. Still, most made it through relatively unscathed because they saw their days as a series dumpster fires they needed to put out...one by one.

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If 2020 hasn’t been a classic dumpster fire of epic medical school proportions, I will turn in my secret Med School Wife Decoder Ring and go home. It seems like every single day we are challenged with something bigger, something badder, something scarier than the day before. It’s giving people PTSD...unless of course, you were gifted with that particular monster through some other equally awful life experience. Then it’s just compounded.

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The thing we have to remember is...God can take the very worst dumpster fires, turn them around, and use them for good. For you and for me and for any other person on the street. When we look at the collective ****show this year has been, it’s really difficult to see how anything good can come from this. It’s there, though. You just have to look to see it.

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This is an uncertain time...an unsettled time. Pray for peace. Pray for our country and our President and First Lady. I may not agree with his politics, but this is not the time for bashing. This is the time for praying the evil out of this world. And praying for healing.

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So, whenever I see that sense of renewed cooperation, I will put a little fuel on that fire. A little encouragement. A little “atta boy”. A little gratitude. I’ll blow on it with good words, nurturing a flame from the smallest embers until a roaring bonfire takes hold.

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Yes...God can do miraculous things with dumpster fires. Just you wait and see.

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❤️

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“You let people ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance.”

\nPsalms 66:12 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-10-03T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/10/03/day-seriously-would-someone-just.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/18/day-ahhhhthats-more-like-it.html", "title": "Day 153: Ahhhh...That’s More Like It!", "content_html": "\n
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I can almost feel the stress melting off my shoulders by the moment. After the last few hectic weeks, and then backing off from social media, I am much more centered and relaxed. The fact that the nights have been cooler and we’ve been “camping” out in our field at the Ponderosa. Sleeping in my camper always makes me a happy girl!

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I worked on the website for a few hours yesterday while Mr. FixIt was at the dentist. When he got home, we hooked up the trailer and took the mowers out to the farm. We got about halfway there and the road was soaked. It was so cool to watch the steam rising up from the hot asphalt after the rain that had just passed through. It wasn’t too much further that the road was dry. We bet each other whether there was rain at the farm. I said there was...and I won. Not a bet I wanted to win, though. The grass was thick and wet and not easy to mow.

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When we were at the farm last time, we noticed that the internet wasn’t working. I called to report it and left my phone number but never heard from anyone. I sat down to call and was on hold for quite some time when I looked out the window to see the neighbor’s garden. Lo and behold, there on the bird seed bin was a brand new modem the phone guy left for me. I hooked it up and we were back in business in five minutes flat!

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Once the lawn was mowed and I had a good thirty minute video chat with Daughter #1, we packed back up and headed home. I told Mr. FixIt that I felt we definitely deserved ice cream after all that so we stopped at the Piggly Wiggly to get some. We happily munched out on a Magnum Double Caramel bar on the way home!

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As soon as we had everything unhooked and put away, I made a beeline for the camper to write. It was a little stuffy after being closed up all day, but it was soon cool and comfortable from the strategically placed fans. We don’t have a single thing planned till the 29th! I’ve been letting the tomatoes ripen and I think today is the day to get them picked and canned. Seriously, it won’t amount to much once I cook them down. As soon as the garden is finished, it’s camping time for us! 

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I feel a hundred pounds happier!

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❤️

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“Our Lord, we belong to you. We tell you what worries us, and you won't let us fall. But what about those people who are cruel and brutal? You will throw them down into the deepest pit long before their time. I trust you, Lord!”

\nPsalms 55:22-23 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/18/day-ahhhhthats-more-like-it.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","The Farm","Gratitude","Comfort","Wisdom","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/07/29/day-the-many-faces-of.html", "title": "Day 133: The Many Faces of Grief", "content_html": "\n
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I received a phone call yesterday from my baby cousin. She was the one who lived far away and came to visit us several times when we were growing up. She’s had her hands full...caring for her mom, my favorite auntie. And for her husband, who has been ill for quite some time. They are young...not quite sixty. I remember the first time I got to see her. She couldn’t quite walk and my aunt had her dressed in the sweetest little outfit with a matching coat. Her little curls stuck out from under the edges of the matching bonnet.

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We were all smitten with our “Trinket”, as Grandma called her. She was like a china doll and we didn’t even mind that Grandma paid all her attention to this little one. We knew she was special. Anyway...she called yesterday. Her beloved husband passed in his sleep Sunday night. My heart breaks for her because I know what she is going through. I know what she has ahead of her. I pray for her comfort and peace. I know she is very strong and capable and she will get through this. I just hate it for her.

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When I look back at pictures of us all those many years ago, we had no idea what was going to happen to us in our lives. She is now the third of us cousins to lose a spouse. Grandma lost her only love when she was sixty-five. She showed us girls how to live through that with strength and dignity and courage.

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There are so many faces of grief. It isn’t just the death of a person that grieves us. We can feel just as deep grief whether the source is a person, place, or thing. I’ve been grieving a potential loss the last couple of years knowing my beloved family farm will not always be “mine”. My uncle owns it and he is aging now. He cannot keep coming to fix it or put the money into it forever, so the time will come. 

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I was grieving that more this week since the tree came down and the house needed fixing. It made the “eventuality” come closer to the forefront. I have to admit, I became distraught over it. Then “Trinket” lost her husband and God whispered...”All things must come to an end and come Home to me.” 

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We can make all the plans we want. We can have dreams and adventures. And in the end, our best gift is the memories we made with the time we were given. I’ve been having a lot of fun with this baking and gardening and canning. And, as soon as that settles down, my focus is back on writing. I’m going to write the story of...The Farm: A Story of Love and Land. I’ll gather pictures and stories from everyone and we’ll have a book for the family to read and remember. Then we’ll have a grand reunion and say a proper goodbye to this home of my heart. 

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I have no idea how much time I have exactly for this project, but I’m giving myself a year. That should be plenty. And it will help ease my dependence on the old house. Someday she will not be ours...she will belong to another family. But, she will always and forever be the home of my heart.

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❤️

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“My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest. Though hail flattens the forest and the city is leveled completely, how blessed you will be, sowing your seed by every stream, and letting your cattle and donkeys range free.”

\nIsaiah 32:18-20 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-07-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/07/29/day-the-many-faces-of.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Farm Life","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/07/28/day-the-city-park-fountain.html", "title": "Day 132: The City Park Fountain", "content_html": "\n
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When I was growing up, it was a very big deal to get to go to the City Park in my home town. It boasted the “World’s Largest Lily Pond”. I don’t know whether that is true or not, but it did have a massive lily pond that was so gorgeous when the lilies were in bloom. There was a large fountain out in the center of the pond and white swans swimming around. The trees were plentiful and massive...well, they were to a little girl. There were baseball games with lights on the field. There was a small zoo and a museum. There were monuments and cannons and steam machinery. Tennis courts, basketball courts, a covered shuffleboard area. And a swimming pool. There were several covered picnic pavilions and a large activity center called “The Pavilion” where dances were periodically held. At the entryway, there was a large three tiered fountain with a statue of a woman on the top. The water cascaded down and if we were very good, we got to throw a penny in the fountain. We used to go to City Park every year for the Fourth of July Fireworks and Carnival. We had countless picnics there.

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Over the years, the park fell into disarray. The beautifully manicured lawns and landscaped flowerbeds were often overgrown. As with many inner city parks, vagrants could often be found sleeping in the band shelter or on one of the picnic tables. Graffiti covered the walls of the bathrooms and you took your life in your own hands going into one. There were multiple overdoses and occasional deaths in the park. 

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Still, memories are hard to drive out and I kept going back. Over the last several years, little by little, life has been coming back to the park. They built a splash pad for the kids. A couple of the old basketball courts were removed to make way for Pickleball. The zoo was long since removed. The pond lost its lilies in favor of a cleaner, more sanitary fishing area. The Pavilion houses an indoor ice skating rink, albeit on an artificial “ice”. 

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A few years ago, the Friends of the Park asked for volunteers to adopt a flower bed and several of my high school classmates have been doing a beautiful job. They are keeping the flowers in our bed looking like something out of a magazine. They should be very proud. Our flower bed is one of the first that you see upon entering the park.

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The fountain at the entrance was built in the early 1900’s and became a well known landmark in Parkersburg. Somewhere along the line, the fountain was damaged by a lightning strike, I believe. It was repaired with fiberglass, then a few years ago a tree came down in a storm and the fountain was blown over and destroyed. It stood with just its broken bottom level for a couple of years. Then, this spring, work began to restore the fountain to it’s original beauty.

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This weekend it was unveiled and is a near perfect replica of the original fountain. The water has been turned on...something we haven’t seen in decades. In times when there is so much uncertainty, so much bitterness and anger and division...we saw a little window to the past open this week in our little corner of the world. I can’t answer for anyone else...but I felt a little tiny bit of the weight of the last few months lift off my shoulders when we took a drive out to the park to see this proud beauty back in action.

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It did my heart good. It’s the little things now.

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❤️

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“Have faith in me, and you will have life-giving water flowing from deep inside you, just as the Scriptures say.””

\nJohn 7:38 CEV\n
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Photo Credit: Dan Kemper

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-07-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/07/28/day-the-city-park-fountain.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Fun","West Virginia","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/07/26/day-not-what-i-expected.html", "title": "Day 130: Not What I Expected", "content_html": "\n
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Even with everything that’s gone on this year since the initial lockdown, yesterday felt different. Mr. FixIt and I were heading to our great-grandson’s 1st Birthday Party. We needed to make a stop at Walmart to pick some things up to take with us. There is only one entrance open now at the Walmart we shop at. 

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“This Door for Emergency Use Only” the sign said.

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Yellow caution tape lined the area where we were inspected for masks before entering the store. That is good. I want people to wear masks. But this time I could feel the longevity of this disease. It’s too late to say “If only everyone would have worn masks, we wouldn’t have to face months and months of this.” That ship has sailed. I am learning of more and more people getting the virus. People I know personally. The families of people I know personally.

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We went to the party and the family had placed signs on a table asking people to stay 6’ back. So, at one end, you have the young mommies and daddies with their little ones...all congregating around the pizza and the cake and the presents. At the other end, you had the grandmas and the grandpa and the family members that practice social distancing. Which was just fine. We visited at a distance and had masks to put on if someone sat a little too close.

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What went through my mind was...the birthday boy is a year old now and I haven’t held him since February. Our great-granddaughter is almost three. She knows now which grandparents can’t hold her so she’s stop asking for cuddles. The baby is six months old now and doesn’t know who we are. It breaks my heart.

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I look back over the photos in my iPad at times when social isolation and masks were something that they did in Hong Kong during SARS....not here. It’s getting to be hard to imagine going someplace with the freedom we had BC (before Covid). I try not to dwell on it, but it’s increasingly hard not to.

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It helps tremendously to think of what’s above and not what’s here on earth. This is not my home in the end. I am just passing through here and there is a home in heaven with my name on it. This is God’s promise to me. The Bible tells us we will have troubles here. It’s just the nature of life here on earth.

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I fill my days, though. Lands...I don’t have hardly a moment to call my own these days. After the birthday party, we stopped for a burger on the way home. Then Mr. FixIt suggested we take a ride out this country road to where there were a lot of nurseries at one time. One of my cousins told us they are selling tomatoes and other produce in front of a couple of “high tunnels”...greenhouses that look like a Quonset hut. 

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There was a table set up out front, under a folding canopy, laden with the most beautiful tomatoes you can imagine. There were peppers and cucumbers, too. There was a price list and it was all on the honor system. We don’t need tomatoes as ours are just beginning to ripen. And, they didn’t have green beans, which is what I’m looking for. So we didn’t purchase anything. 

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I can’t believe it is Sunday again...it just seems like yesterday. The time seems to be flying by...which I suppose is a good thing, given all the circumstances. Still, I really feel like we need to really feel the feels that go along with this crisis or we will miss the lessons we can learn from it. It’s easy to stay present when it’s a pleasant experience. Not so much when things are rough. 

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Maybe we will appreciate our freedoms more once this is all over.

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Think about what is up there, not about what is here on earth.”

\nColossians 3:2 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-07-26T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/07/26/day-not-what-i-expected.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/07/14/day-the-books-from-beyond.html", "title": "Day 118: The Books from Beyond", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

I have a mystery. But it has a backstory you need to hear first.

\n\n\n

If you’ve been following me for some time, you know I moved to West Virginia from Colorado to care for my elderly aunt who was living alone on the family farm. We tried it out for ten rather long and, dare I say, miserable weeks for both of us. She was a strong willed, independent woman who expected you to do what she said, when she said it. I’m not the type to take orders well, so when she invited me to leave on Christmas Day, I took myself on a totally different adventure for the following couple of years. 

\n\n\n

I didn’t realize it at the time, but Aunt Peeps was slipping into the netherworld of dementia which caused her to lose what little bit of a filter she had to begin with. Still, I had wonderful conversations with her over the years. If she liked you, she would do anything to help you achieve your dreams. She admired hard work and perseverance. She was a teacher...erudite and proper. 

\n\n\n

I remember when I was very young, she came to visit with photographs from Cleveland and Washington, DC. Grainy black and white snapshots depicting water fountains and lunch counters with signs over them that said “Whites Only”. I didn’t understand what that meant and she carefully explained racism to me in words a little girl might comprehend. She was quite adamant...as was my grandma...that we never, ever treat other’s differently. We are all God’s children.

\n\n\n

I grew up poor. Not dirt poor. Not welfare poor. But we didn’t have a lot of extras and ate from grandma’s garden quite a bit. I married my high school boyfriend and escaped what I felt at the time was the hell of West Virginia. When that marriage failed, I ended up marrying a young physical therapist who was heading into medical school. As our affluence increased, we rose higher and higher on the white privilege scale. Five years after that marriage ended, I met Mr. Virgo. He had worked his entire career in the hospitality industry at numerous Five Star resorts and restaurants around the world. So I was still in the realm of privilege. I had a housekeeper and a full length blue fox coat and a new car every couple of years. 

\n\n\n

I don’t believe I’ve ever been overtly racist, but there were many years where I just didn’t really give the struggles of ethnic communities much thought. And that is the essence of what is referred to as white privilege. With the onset of civil unrest over racial disparities, I have taken it upon myself to learn as much as I can on the subject so that I can better understand the plight of People of Color. I want to be a better human.

\n\n\n

After Aunt Peeps died, my uncle came to the farm to get some of her papers that he needed to settle her estate. These papers were in boxes in the closet upstairs in her bedroom. The next time I was out there, I went upstairs and there were a few items on the bed. There was also a day bed up there with several boxes of my own things. I didn’t notice anything of any import that day.

\n\n\n

Last weekend, when I was out there working on the taxes, it was so bloody hot and the air conditioner was not working. I went upstairs to turn the fan on in the bedroom opposite hers. As I was coming back out of the room to the top of the stairs, I glanced into Aunt Peeps’ room and noticed something I hadn’t seen before. There were two books laying neatly stacked on the pillow. I would have sworn they weren’t there before.

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I went in and picked up the books and my jaw dropped.

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“The Autobiography of Malcom X” by Alex Haley.

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“Black Boy” by Richard Wright.

\n\n\n

Two seminal literary works about the black experience in this country. Not at all the kind of books I saw my aunt reading as I grew up or when I lived with her. And certainly not anything I had ever seen there before. Where did they come from? Who placed them so carefully where I would be sure to find them? I have no idea. But I picked them up and smiled, tucked them neatly under my arm, and have set a goal to read them both to better understand.

\n\n\n

Ever the educator. Ever the fair-minded yet fierce educator. I believe my Aunt Peeps left me a gift...exactly the gift I needed at exactly the right time.

\n\n\n

She teaches...still.

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“For God does not show favoritism.”

\nRomans 2:11 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-07-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/07/14/day-the-books-from-beyond.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/06/19/day-butwhat-about-my-rights.html", "title": "Day 94: But...What About MY Rights?", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

Masks. Jeez-o-Pete....there’s a subject that has become a tinderbox, hasn’t it? A lifelong friend who happened to spend her entire career as a nurse, shared some thoughts on her page yesterday encouraging people to wear masks to church. More and more outbreaks of Covid-19 are happening at churches that have opened back up. We watch our church online for health reasons, but when you watch...no one is wearing a mask. I spoke with friends who were there in person and they said maybe a handful of people were wearing them.

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Our pastor spoke into the camera and welcomed those at home, then continued with his message to those in the room. He flat out said that we shouldn’t let them take our rights away and we should be in the room, worshipping together. He said, and I quote, “If you get sprayed on, you get sprayed on. So be it.” I was furious. I sent a well worded message to the powers that be and explained that it was wonderful to be welcomed and feel included...right up to the point where he essentially told us at home that we weren’t being faithful enough and relying on God to keep us safe. The following week, and every week since, the pastor has spoken into the camera and welcomed us watching from home and they were all looking forward to the day when we can all worship together. Big difference there. I sent another note thanking him for recognizing we cannot all come back into the building, especially when the majority are not wearing masks. It isn’t prudent.

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When my friend posted about church, there was one man who declared “Faith over fear!” He chooses to go to church and worship as a Christian and the beauty of the whole thing is, we all get to make our own choices.

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Well, I say...not so much.

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If every member of the congregation wore masks, then yes...I would feel more comfortable about going to church. Your choice NOT to wear a mask makes my decision for me. And I’m not alone. There are many who simply cannot risk coming to church when masks aren’t being worn.

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Someone spoke up and said, “Why churches? Why not Walmart?” Well, most churches aren’t as big and wide open as Walmart. And, you aren’t sitting/standing in one spot, shoulder to shoulder, with upwards of 400 people singing at the top of your lungs For an hour or more in a Walmart. The singing causes even more droplets of saliva to spray out from our mouths. If we are in close proximity for over an hour...the first 20 minutes of which are spent praising joyfully...we are guaranteed to share a whole lot of spit in the air around us. I’m not up for that.

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During the influenza pandemic of 1918-1920, there were three phases of the outbreak. The initial outbreak was much like what we saw this spring. Most people were on board. They wore masks and socially distanced and washed hands. Then there was a waning of the virus. People were weary of staying inside and being told what to do. They didn’t want to wear masks anymore. They wanted to get outside and visit their friends and open their business back up. They wanted to go places and do things. Sound familiar? 

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What happened was exactly what we are seeing around us right now. They eased up. They went back out. They poo-pooed the whole thing. They called it a hoax. People blew it out of proportion, they said. You’re taking my rights, they shouted. We’re not going to take it anymore. And they didn’t. And 100 MILLION people died in the second phase. 

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They are asking you to wear a piece of cloth over your face. You can’t even do that for one hour so we can worship together? They aren’t asking you to give up a kidney or sacrifice your first born. It’s a mask. You use seatbelts. (Well, you should. If you don’t...that’s another issue.) You stop at stop signs. You don’t drive the wrong way on the interstate. You wear clothes when you go out. Are any of those “rules” asking you to sacrifice your civil liberties? You claim you have rights. You do...what but about me? I have rights, too. I have the right to go to church...just like you. Don’t take that right away from me because you cannot be bothered to wear a piece of cloth over your face for an hour.

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We are sitting here watching history repeat itself...literally right in front of our eyes. Part of the price we pay for being human is to sacrifice some of our own comfort for the comfort of others. Are we so blind that we cannot see? Are we so selfish that we cannot care for our fellow man? What would Jesus do? He did not preach “every man for himself”. 

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So that’s my soapbox rant for the day. 

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Be kind.

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Wear a mask.

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It’s not forever, really...it just seems like it.

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Be grateful it isn’t a ventilator.

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❤️

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(I tried to go back and find the FB page where I got this photo, but couldn’t find it.)

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\n

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

\nPhilippians 2:4 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-06-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/06/19/day-butwhat-about-my-rights.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/06/12/day-harrys-garden.html", "title": "Day 87: Harry’s Garden", "content_html": "\n
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In the middle of yet another busy day of appointments and trips to the pharmacy for yet another prescription, Mr. FixIt and I decided to go pay a visit to his good friend, Harry. Harry loves Atomic Fireballs. Addicted to them, really. So, every time we go to Sam’s, we get Harry a box of them. Harry doesn’t ask for much. He works hard. He lives a simple life. And...he’s a widower.

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Harry lost Myrna a little over a year ago after a long struggle with cancer. She was his everything and we were worried for him. Mr. FixIt and Harry worked together for many years and they just bonded. They’ve bowled on the same team for decades. After being with me for the last three years, my sweetheart has a pretty good understanding of what it means to have your spouse die. I have to say...he touches my heart every time he reaches for those candies that Harry loves. Or, when he picks up the phone and says, as he is looking up the number, “I’d better check in on Harry and see how he’s doing.”

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When we arrived, Harry came out with three lawn chairs and guided us to a cool shady spot alongside the modest house he shares with his son and two dogs. We caught up with each other’s latest news. He just got back from a visit with his young grandchildren...twins that Myrna was crazy over. The two men discussed the woes of broken down machinery when they compared lawn tractor sagas. Then Harry lit up. 

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“You wanna come see the garden?”

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We walked around the corner of the house and there was this beautiful garden spread out before us. It was enough to make me catch my breath. Row after row of onions, lettuce, carrots, beets, beans, corn, tomatoes, and pumpkins...all neatly tended in a soft, sandy soil. Nothing like the dense, wet clay we have to deal with. Harry doesn’t live all that far from the Ohio River. His garden was once part of the riverbed.

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He grabbed a couple grocery bags and stuffed them with onions and lettuce. I’ll make a wilted lettuce salad this evening. For those of you unfamiliar with the glories of wilted lettuce...you start with lots of well washed leaf lettuce, add some sliced green onions and set aside. Fry up some bacon. Crumble the bacon on top of the salad. When the bacon grease cools enough that it won’t spatter, add a little sugar, salt and pepper stirring well till the sugar dissolves then add a good splash of apple cider vinegar. Heat it up and stir to get all the crispy bacon bits off the pan, then pour over the salad and toss well. Eat it right away so that it’s wilted, but not soggy. Ohhhhh, heavenly days! This was the only “salad” I knew growing up and it brings happy memories every time I eat it.

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We finally had to say our goodbyes and thanked Harry profusely for the fresh produce. As we drove home, I reached over and held my sweet husband’s hand. He is a good man with a kind heart and I am so proud of the kind of friend he is. He warms my heart.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

\nPhilippians 2:4 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-06-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/06/12/day-harrys-garden.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Grace","Love","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/06/07/day-mr-fixit-and-his.html", "title": "Day 82: Mr. FixIt and His Cat", "content_html": "\n
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Pumpkin the kitty isn’t a kitten anymore, but she is still small...and feisty. She has never been a real snuggle bunny, although she will let you hold her till she decides it’s time to bite. Then you put her down in a hurry. Sometimes she stalks your feet and pounces as you walk by, giving you a solid chomp on the shin. Sometimes you don’t like her much, but most of the time she is tolerable and some of the time she is just too darned cute for words.

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I’ve never been a huge “cat person”. I’m doing my best here with this one....but I must say, it’s for my husband’s benefit. He loves having an animal around. Pumpkin is Mr. FixIt’s cat and she follows him everywhere. When he drives to town to pick up his lottery tickets, she happily hops in the truck with him to go for a ride. Wherever he is, Pumpkin isn’t far away. She’s kinda like a dog in that way.

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I was sitting in my recliner the other morning having coffee when Mr. FixIt headed out to the building to do some cleaning and organizing. I caught this picture of Pumpkin tagging along behind him as he headed out to work. The new tractor is still in the shop and when it comes back, it needs a good parking spot. We filled the old spot with tools brought home from a worksite, so we had to find more room.

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We loaded up the truck to take some things to a family member and delivered it yesterday. It’s amazing what people find valuable and refuse to part with. Coming from a place where I have already gone through the downsizing project, it’s pretty hard to not just order a dumpster and toss stuff. I figure if we can clean out ten square feet at a time, we will make some serious headway before the snow falls. Fingers crossed.

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I was working on a project the other day and needed something. I thought we would need to make yet another trip into town, but before we did, I asked if it was possible we had the item in the building. Mr. FixIt went right out and returned with exactly what I needed. Not only that, it was a brand new one! It’s like living with your own personal Home Depot out back! The only problem is...we need the night crew to do an inventory and get everything organized. Now, if we only HAD a night crew!

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As much as I fuss about the lack of organization around here, I’m still happier than I’ve been in a very long time. So, maybe someday this will all be left to me and I’ll have to handle it. So what? I’d much rather enjoy my time with Mr. FixIt now rather than rag at him all the time to get the place cleaned up. There’s always time for cleaning up down the road. There may not be as much time for hugs and laughter. That’s the important stuff.

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❤️

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“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

\n1 Peter 4:8 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-06-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/06/07/day-mr-fixit-and-his.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Aging","Choices","Change","Farm Life","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/06/05/day-in-the-midst-of.html", "title": "Day 81: In the Midst of Darkness, There is Light", "content_html": "\n
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“Look for the helpers.”

\n- Mr. Rogers’ mother\n
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Our day was busy from beginning to end yesterday. We had an appointment in town early, then we drove out to the farm. I thought my sandals were out there under the bed but no such luck. I think they’re still packed away with my camping stuff. I’ll have to look in the building. We stopped at a roadside stand and picked up a few more tomato plants that we’ll put in today. We went to the open air produce market in town and picked up a few things...fresh strawberries just picked from over in Ohio, a wonderful cantaloupe, some fresh corn on the cob. Then PT and home. 

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After supper, I made some homemade shortcakes and served them with the strawberries over top. No whipped cream...we are trying to cut down on the fats. They were still warm from the oven when I served them with the slightly sweetened and sliced berries and it was divine! 

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We sat down to watch the news. I told myself to look for the light...find the helpers. And there they were. People cleaning up. People loving on each other and supporting each other during the memorial for George Floyd. Police and protesters walking together, taking a knee together, crying together. Change is coming...but so is healing. It’s going to take some time but there are young people out there who are picking up the baton now. People who are willing and able to stand up for justice and to orchestrate true change. I hope to see it in my lifetime.

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While we were at the farm, I did what I always do. I walked around and took pictures of the flowers that are in bloom. One of the most beautiful was a large Mock Orange on the hillside along the driveway. Some of Grandma’s most treasured flowers can be found within view of her kitchen window. I often wondered why all the cutting and slips and transplants went in one general area. Now I understand. She spent a lot of time in that kitchen. Her farm was the Taj Mahal to her. Planting flowers on the hillside outside her kitchen window was her equivalent to painting a still life. They gave her great joy and peace...just like they give me.

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The Mock Orange is huge and absolutely covered with white blossoms. The air is redolent with their heady sweetness. The bees love it. There is a man a half mile down the road that has at least thirty hives. I am thrilled to see honey bees, especially when we hear so much about them dying off. The front yard at the farm is thick with white clover. When I mow, I watch for the bees and wait till they fly away rather than run over them. Each one is a precious gift!

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Finding light in these dark times is often like those 3-D optical illusion puzzles that you have to stare at till your eyes focus differently and an image pops out at you. You can be blinded by the shock of it all...and well you should be when it’s happening. But there comes a point in the fracas that you can shift your focus a little and that’s when you see the light. 

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I’ve read so many stories and posts and comments the last week...some on my own personal Facebook page. Some have commented...there’s more than just the one issue going on. It’s more than just the one person who was killed. What about this or that? It reminded me of the parable Jesus told in Luke 15. There were a hundred sheep being tended in a flock when one went missing. The shepherd left the ninety-nine alone to go find the one. Someone looking on might think he was crazy or reckless. “Here, here...what about these ninety-nine? Don’t they count???”

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Of course they do, but they weren’t the ones in trouble.

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It was the one.

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That’s why we are helping the one in trouble right now.

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It’s what Jesus does.

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❤️

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“Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?

\n

and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”

\nLuke 15:3-4, 6-7 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-06-05T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/06/05/day-in-the-midst-of.html", "tags": ["Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/06/03/day-taking-a-look-in.html", "title": "Day 79: Taking a Look in the Mirror", "content_html": "\n
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When I was growing up in the mid to late ‘50s, the Civil Rights Movement was gaining speed. One of my first friends in grade school was a little black girl named Lisa. Lisa went on to become a pastor and actually performed our marriage ceremony out in our field when Mr. FixIt and I got married. 

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My aunt that recently passed away was a Head Start teacher in Washington, DC in the ‘50s. She showed me photographs that had the words “Colored” and “Whites” over the drinking fountains in the school where she taught. I couldn’t understand what they were talking about. My grandma sat me down and told me under no uncertain terms was I to EVER treat anyone differently because of the color of their skin. Therefore...all these many years...I’ve thought I was not racist.

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One of the many things I learned from therapy was how to take a good hard look at myself and own/change my less-than-stellar character traits. Back in the mid to late ‘70s I was a single mom. I went out to a bar one night with some friends and a handsome black man showed interest in me and I demurred. I had a young daughter at home, and I was not nearly as enlightened as I thought I was. And I felt ashamed by that. Would I have had a problem with one of my daughters marrying a person of color? Not at all. But back when this happened, I was a young woman...still wet behind the ears...and frankly afraid.

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I’ve said things like “All Lives Matter” and “I’m colorblind”. But now? I will forever hear “I can’t breathe” in my mind...echoing over and over. We watched a lynching on video. How can I not be changed by that? I want to be MORE than “not racist”. I want to be “anti-racist”. And to do that, I have to educate myself to the real everyday existence of people of color. I can’t turn a blind eye and not say anything. I have to wake up and learn and do whatever is in my power to make the changes that need to come to fulfill what the Bible tells us to do. 

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The Golden Rule has to be the base upon which all reparations are made to those who have been disenfranchised because of the amount of melanin that is in their skin. It’s only right.

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I cannot condone violence and looting and killings. But I will support peaceful protests and I vow to educate myself to their plight.

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I found this article to be a good starting point.

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❤️

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“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

\nMatthew 7:12 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-06-03T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/06/03/day-taking-a-look-in.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/25/day-learning-new-skills.html", "title": "Day 70: Learning New Skills", "content_html": "\n
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A few years ago, a clerk at the swimming pool supply store gave Mr. FixIt a handy dandy little trick to keep from having to empty so much water from the pool in the winter. It was supposed to keep the skimmer from freezing. Unfortunately, it didn’t work and the skimmer cracked. Being the frugal fixit man my husband is, he managed to jury rig the whole thing and get another four years use out of it. He’s a smart man. But, alas...the time came when we couldn’t keep it together with spit and glue anymore and we bit the bullet. We bought a new one.

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Now, in my old life as a Princess, I would have just called the pool guy, ordered a skimmer, and have him come out and install it. I always justified those expenses by figuring out how long it would take me to do it multiplied by how much I valued my time. I valued my time a LOT. Nowadays, we have nothing BUT time, and being the frugal fixit man that he is, we set to installing the skimmer ourselves yesterday. 

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With a break during the hottest part of the day, I’d say it took us a good five to six hours to install that baby. It’s made well, and all the parts were there, but I could NOT turn the screws when it came time to put it together. I tried and tried. I grunted and may have said a naughty word or two. Mr. FixIt wasn’t helping when he said, “Just turn it!”

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I looked at him and informed him he was getting dangerously close to doing this entire job by himself. Finally, I took the two pieces apart and looked in the holes. They were not threaded. Mr. FixIt took the drill and drove the screws into the holes to pre-thread them. When we tried the second time, they went in much easier. However, I couldn’t get the leverage I needed to drive them all the way in. I knew the only way this was going to work was for one of us to get in the pool to be in the right position.

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There was no way I was going to let my husband get down in that water. Not only would there be the balance issues from last weekend’s stroke, but there was the issue of the water that had not been cleaned yet. I couldn’t risk him getting an infection in his feet or legs. So...I said, let’s have a good dinner, then I can get in there and we’ll whip this thing out.

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I pulled the pork roast out of the oven and as it set, I steamed some broccoli, made a bowl of coleslaw, and sautéed the remaining mushrooms that were nearing their final days. We enjoyed our meal out on the pool deck, admiring the new pergola we built this spring and yet again congratulating ourselves for being so smart to buy it. It really keeps the temperature down at the table. After supper, we drove over to town to get a little ice cream for dessert.

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It was finally time to get in the pool and get this done. It was SO cold. The pool thermometer said “Lo”. I asked Mr. FixIt how low was “Lo”. He had no idea. I’ll tell you what...I know! “Lo” means “Darned Cold”! But this was exactly the position I needed to be in to put my weight behind it and it was no time till we were done. The seal around the skimmer was water tight and there were no more leaks. Eureka! I did a little happy dance and Mr. FixIt laughed.

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“Get out of there before you get hypothermia!”

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I love the sense of accomplishment that comes with doing a good job. And I love that I have a patient husband that is willing to teach me these things. Having these strokes has brought us a sense of urgency in getting jobs done and teaching me how to do everything around here. It’s all part of the whole “Autumn” thing.

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Sitting in the bedroom with the windows wide open and writing is the peaceful ending I crave to every day. It is my meditation time. I love hearing the frogs and the night noises and the tapping of my keyboard. It is the rhythm of my life.

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❤️

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“When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.”

\nProverbs 3:24 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/25/day-learning-new-skills.html", "tags": ["Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Be Joyful!","Farm Life","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/23/day-call-lowesim-building-an.html", "title": "Day 68: Call Lowe’s...I’m Building an Ark!", "content_html": "\n
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Hokey Smokes! It has rained 20 inches so far this year in our neck of the woods. We waited all day yesterday to get enough warm sunshine to dry out the yard so we could mow one more time before my step-son comes to get his riding mower today. Mr. FixIt had physical therapy and we needed to find a couple things for the old tractor to work on it today. By the time we got back home, the skies opened up again and we were back to square one.

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Hopefully today is a nice day and we can mow and be good for another week, at least. I mean...on the one hand, when it rains you don’t have to mow. But, on the other...the grass grows like crazy with all that wonderful moisture. It’s a Catch-22. We also need to take the push mower out to the farm and mow out there. And this time, Mr. FixIt can’t help. I’m definitely going to get back in shape with all this exercise!

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I hate that I’m not spending as much time in the kitchen as I was. It’s so soothing to me to create good things that nourish my family...and our wounded spirits. We have nowhere to go this weekend...our people are coming to us to help with mowing and welding and fixing things that need fixing. I can spend some time in the kitchen and bake them some treats to take home. That will soothe my heart and bring me peace.

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I’ve been thinking about my Aunt Peeps a lot this week. While she was a sophisticated woman with impeccable taste in fashion, she was a country girl at heart. She once told me, her main goal in life was to get a teaching degree and use it to make enough money to buy a farm in West Virginia. I don’t recall seeing her can and preserve food, but she was quite the cook. She didn’t quilt or sew, but she could work sunup to sundown with any man and give him a run for his money. She was an enigma. Tight as a drum with money, yet incredibly generous when she saw you were trying to improve yourself through education. She was your cheerleader if you were a hard worker. She deeply appreciated a good work ethic and had no patience for someone who she felt was lazy or “working the system.”

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She and I didn’t always see eye to eye about things, and I talked WAY too much for her tastes, but...we had one thing in common and that was the love we felt for Grandma’s farm. She was born in Pekin, Illinois along with two of her siblings. Grandma and Pop-Pop were living there during the Depression where work was to be found. When they finally came back home, there were already four children. Two were born after they moved back to West Virginia. The Farm was where they grew up. It’s where I grew up, too.

\n\n\n

My Uncle Bud came home to the farm last weekend to pick up some things that belonged to Aunt Peeps. He needed to find a picture of her for her obituary. I didn’t get to see him because that was the day Mr. FixIt came home from the hospital. I spoke with him this week and he was so pleased with how well we are caring for the family home. He said he was worried it would begin falling apart without someone living there full time, but I told him we go there often enough to breath life into the old place.

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There are some things that are failing...like the big barn and the old tool shed. They are starting to lean and there’s termite damage. But overall, the place looks great for being nearly a hundred years old. I still yearn to go there often to just rock on the front porch and listen to the birds and the wind in the trees. Everything is aging...the old home place, the tractor, the Ponderosa...and us.

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These are the things that went through my mind as I sat pretending to read while I watched my sweet husband having physical therapy. We’ve known each other since we were kids. But we’ve only been together a little over three years. We’ve both changed a lot in those three years. This marriage isn’t like the marriage of my youth...where time stretched before us like an endless summer vacation. This is the marriage where we get to wrap each other up in warm, comfy love and ride the long wave home. There’s no fooling ourselves. Oh, we aren’t at death’s door....but it is Autumn now. And, there is much comfort knowing I’ll be going through this with my best friend at my side.

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❤️

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“In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

\nActs 20:35 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/23/day-call-lowesim-building-an.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Comfort","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Farm Life","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/21/day-every-day-is-groundhog.html", "title": "Day 66: Every Day is Groundhog Day", "content_html": "\n
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Did you see that movie...Groundhog Day? I don’t think I ever did, but I know the premise. Each day repeats itself over and over and over. Sound familiar? There is nothing good about having a stroke. Nothing. But...it has added a new dimension of things to do in a day. Some things you never thought about doing. Others are just added tasks and stops and appointments. 

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Yesterday, we were coming back home from town. Mr. FixIt had his first Physical Therapy appointment and it went well. We ran some errands in town and as we got to the turnoff for our road, he reminded me to check the mail. I insisted we already did that on our way into town. He insisted we hadn’t. He was right. I was remembering the day before.

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Each day runs into the next and starts over again. We need a vacation from what seems like an interminable working vacation. Lots of things have changed. By this time of year, we usually have two beach trips under our belts and planning the third. Not this year. Something kept us home in the winter. If we hadn’t been nudged to stay home, we would have been in Florida when Mr. FixIt had his first stroke. Then covid hit and we’ve been stuck. Now...stroke #2. 

\n\n\n

I know going to the beach would do my sweetheart a world of good, but right now we need to figure out what’s causing these strokes so we can nip it in the bud and get on with our fun plans. In the meantime, I have another batch of sourdough bread rising. I’m preparing a batch of yoghurt. And I have blueberries to attend to. Maybe another pie?

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I’m looking at this as another opportunity to depend on God for my needs. All this fun stuff in the kitchen hones my skills, brings good and bountiful food to our larder, and feeds my country heart. It forces me to take a breath, remember what’s important, stop stressing over things in which I have no control. When I reach into the bowl to knead dough wrought from my hands, I say a simple, “Hello, Jesus...let’s spend some time together today while we work this bread.”

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When I get close and personal with Jesus, He reminds me to be patient with my sweetheart. Yes, this affects me...but it’s HIS body that isn’t acting like it’s supposed to and that has to be scary. Jesus reminds me I’m not in control here. He tells me not to worry...He has this under control. He encourages me to lean into Him when I’m frightened and He’ll carry me through it all. Just knead this dough right now. This is all you need to concern yourself with in this moment. 

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This one moment.

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There will always be...something. Something that dares to steal your focus. That threatens to take what’s yours. That shakes you to your core and turns your world upside down. When it’s happening to you, it’s easy to think you’re the only one in the world feeling this. But there are countless others feeling these feelings right now. ESPECIALLY now. The thing I have learned from all of these experiences is this...you can steal everything I have. But, you cannot take my joy...my love...and my faith. 

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These things are forever mine...a gift from a gracious Father.

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❤️

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\n

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

\nJames 1:17 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-21T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/21/day-every-day-is-groundhog.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grace","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/19/day-what-a-wonderful-world.html", "title": "Day 64: What a Wonderful World", "content_html": "\n
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Yeah...that’s not something you’re liable to hear or feel these days, is it? There’s a lot to take in. Lots going on...outside and inside. Add “your husband’s had another stroke” to an already formidable situation and it’s enough to break you. I’ve vacillated the last 48 hours between numbness and fear to acceptance and peace. Back and forth. Back and forth. It’s like that game we played when we were kids. What was it called? Crack the Whip! The kid on the end usually got creamed. That was me.

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Yesterday kept me busy...one of the granddaughters came over and helped me mow. It was wonderful to not have to do it all myself. Mr. FixIt was really good and didn’t over exert himself which was a great relief. He started using one of our hiking sticks to keep his balance when he walks over uneven ground and that helped a lot. I mean...a hiking stick is cool, right? We went to the Tractor Store and got parts for the old tractor. And, we watched the finale of The Voice.

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Thunderstorm Artis...an up and coming musician in the Final Five, finished the night singing “What a Wonderful World”. I love that song. I needed to hear that tangible reminder of the beauty this world can still deliver on a daily basis. I have been practicing centering myself. One of my readers keeps reminding me of the number one. We can all do just ONE thing. ONE breath. ONE moment. ONE day. By the end of the evening, I was feeling much less overwhelmed by it all.

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We have no control beyond this one moment in time. I can talk, make phone calls, write letters, and vote. But I have no control over who carries an AR-15 into a courthouse or who else wears a mask or when a stroke will happen. What I do have control over is how I respond. 

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Mr. FixIt came into the room last night as I was writing and I had the window wide open. I also had the air conditioner going. I didn’t think about it. I just wanted the window open. In his best dad voice, he said, “Why do you have the window open with the air conditioner running?”

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My reactionary response wasn’t pretty. It was just one more thing I didn’t have control over and it pushed me over the edge for a minute. Then I remembered...ONE.

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I can close the window for ONE hour till the evening cools down. 

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I can sit there for ONE minute and think about how different today could have easily been.

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One of the worst things people can say to the newly bereaved is “at least.....”. “At least he’s in a better place.” “At least she isn’t suffering anymore.” “At least you can have more children.” But, here’s the thing...it’s one of the worst things you can tell yourself, too. Because it’s so dismissive.

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“At least we don’t have it as bad as some people.” 

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That minimizes your pain and hampers your processing. It’s self-shaming for having feelings.

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I hate like HELL that my sweetheart, who I just found like...five minutes ago...had another stroke. I hate that he’s having to go through this

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I hate that we can’t feel free to do what we want.

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I KNOW we don’t have it as bad as some people. But we have THIS. And this ONE minute, I’m sitting with it. 

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It’s ok to feel your feelings.

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Today is a new day. Today we pick things up and we are strong together and we are confident in our love. We have faith in a God that uses all things to prosper us. I will rest and trust in that promise. 

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And...I’ll wait to open the windows wide till AFTER he goes to sleep. However, I WILL make sure the air conditioner isn’t running.

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This really is a wonderful world.

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❤️

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“What a wildly wonderful world, GOD! You made it all, with Wisdom at your side, made earth overflow with your wonderful creations.....”

\nPsalm 104:24 MSG\n
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#Wonderful, #World, #Gratitude

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/19/day-what-a-wonderful-world.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/18/day-are-we-still-counting.html", "title": "Day 63: (Are We Still Counting These???)", "content_html": "\n
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It seems like every little event needs counting now. Days since the lockdown began. Days since Mr. FixIt’s first stroke. Days since the second...which is actually the third since he was unaware of the first one. Thankfully, he came home from the hospital yesterday at 11:00. I can already tell this time it’s going to be more of a challenge getting him to slow down and take care of himself. I’m just as stubborn as he is though...I will prevail!

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The world seems so different now...different expectations...different realities. We are still practicing social distancing and will continue to do so. We wear masks wherever we go except in the car, at home, and at the farm. I keep the masks in the car and the heat from this sun is surely enough to kill any virus that they may have picked up. I was really glad to get Mr. FixIt out of that hospital. He had a private room...which I assume is the standard now whenever possible. Still, I didn’t like having him in there, for many reasons.

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We did have a socially distanced visit with some of the family yesterday and that did us all a world of good. They needed to see my sweetheart and know that he is doing well. Our youngest little great grandson smiled and talked to me like he’d seen me yesterday and it was all I could do not to scoop him up in my arms and kiss those sweet cheeks! I miss all my babies...big and little. 

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My kitchen forays were interrupted over the weekend, but I am pleased to say the Blackberry Jam DID set up a little more. It’s not really jelled...but it is spreadable and I had some on toast yesterday morning. I think it didn’t set normally because it is low sugar. As my grandma said...it’ll be ‘et!

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There are more adventures in the kitchen coming up soon. I am going to make some sauerkraut, bagels, and some homemade vanilla this week. Stay tuned for more culinary delights right here on Marshmallow Ranch! You know...in between doctor’s visits and mowing and stuff. 

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❤️

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“Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. And as I gave you the green plants, I give you everything.”

\nGenesis 9:3 ESV\n
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#Cooking, #Family, #Gratitude

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/18/day-are-we-still-counting.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/11/day-my-matemy-mirror.html", "title": "Day 56: My Mate...My Mirror", "content_html": "\n
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Several weeks ago, I asked a question on my personal Facebook page: “Shouldn’t married couples quarantine separately? (Asking for a friend)” I got a lot of responses. Many laughed and knew the tongue-in-cheek nature of the question. Some professed their undying love for their husbands and how fabulous it’s been being with them 24/7. I’m not sure they realized they might have to do this ad infinitum. I haven’t checked back in with them to see how they’re doing...for two reasons. If they are still all googly-eyed and swooning over every moment of his presence, either my friends are big fat liars...or I’m a total failure at this shelter-in-place thing.

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Cause...I gotta tell ya...I’m not the easiest person to be around these days. I’m crotchety. Testy. And sometimes, flat out mean. I don’t mean to be. I’ve got the sweetest husband on the planet. And, I have to be getting on his nerves, too. We came into this relationship retired, independent, with grown kids. We were used to doing our own thing. The whirlwind of romance and travel and marriage was balanced with time spent pursuing our own interests. Take that all away and you have two people who adore each other who are “sheltering-in-place” with nowhere to go. No dates. No trips to the beach. No entertaining the family. Just...us.

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He’s a noisy sleeper. I have to be right all the time. He watches too much TV. I can’t keep a kitchen clean to save my life. He says “ambulance” wrong. I have too many Amazon packages arriving. 

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24/7/56 and counting.

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Just to be clear...there’s not a soul on the planet that I would rather be holed up with than this guy. Still...I miss camping with my girlfriends. I’m afraid I won’t get to go to Colorado this summer to see my family. I miss gathering for coffee with my high school classmates. I miss the two nights a week that Mr. FixIt bowled with his buddies and I got to stay home and read and take bubble baths. He would never say a word, but I’m sure he misses his lazy errand days where he went from store to store and chatted with all the people he was sure to run into that he knows. And, I’m pretty darned sure he misses the wife that didn’t nag all the time.

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I think cabin fever has truly set in and we’re both getting a little frustrated by the restrictions. Everyone is. And that isn’t really bringing out the best in us. How do we maintain close personal relationships when “close” is all we got? Well, the first thing to remember is...just because we are sharing the same space doesn’t mean we are sharing intimacy. I’m not talking the making whoopie kind, although that’s great ( ! ! ! ). I’m talking about something they mentioned on CBS Sunday Morning yesterday. Skin hunger. 

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We crave and thrive on physical touch. Without it, an important part of our daily needs is not being met. I went through this with my divorces and with the loss of Mr. Virgo. As a matter of fact, I had my physician prescribe a weekly massage for me when I was newly divorced so I could have at least some semblance of human touch. When I became a widow, there were people everywhere to give me hugs. Not so much for most people riding out this pandemic alone. And they can’t even go get a massage right now.

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We are missing the strangers in our lives. The people we smiled at when we walked into a crowded restaurant. We miss the new people we meet and shake hands with. We miss the casual hand on the arm or the brush-by in a crowd. Now we look at others as threats...possible carriers of a deadly disease. It’s causing us to grieve that loss. And, if we are already grieving a loss and we are alone...it’s compounding that grief.

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Good communication and physical contact goes a long way in getting you through the tough times in any relationship. This is even more important during a high stress event like we are currently experiencing. I know things will get better. The world will open up and we’ll be able to do things again...differently, perhaps. There WILL be a time when we can have some space from those we’ve been sheltering with...and some connection with others that we miss. When I absolutely need to, I take my laundry out to the farm and stay a day or two. Yesterday, I took a new cookbook I recently purchased and went out to the camper to read for a couple of hours while Mr. FixIt puttered around in the yard. 

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I don’t like being not so nice. Like every situation...there is a beginning and an end. I can focus on making that space between the two a period of transition. Introspection. Personal growth. Temperance. A time to get a little closer to God and ask His help...maybe ask Him to put His hand over my mouth when I’m feeling testy.

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This too shall pass. 

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❤️

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“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”

\nProverbs 25:28 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/11/day-my-matemy-mirror.html", "tags": ["Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/08/day-its-feel-good-fridaytime.html", "title": "Day 53: It’s Feel Good Friday...Time to Graduate!", "content_html": "\n
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Yes, it’s Friday again. Whether you feel like it’s only been a couple of days since last Friday, or this week has been 53 days long...it’s that time of the week where we look on the bright side if we can. Hopefully there has been at least one good and positive thing happen to you this week.

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For me, it was video-chatting with family, getting my hands in flour in the kitchen, having one near-normal day where I ran errands, and last night my bonus son-in-law brought his youngest out to the Ponderosa to hit softballs while Grandpa and I watched from the sidelines. Oh, and I have a batch of sourdough in the fridge that’s been rising slowly overnight so I’m going to try my hand at baking bread today.

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As I watched our granddaughter hitting softballs way out into the field last night, I thought of her older sister. We were all supposed to go to WVU next weekend to see her graduate. There are kids all over the country in the same boat. Their hopes and dreams of a fun-filled last few months of their senior years were dashed by the pandemic. No proms. No big graduation. No after-graduation parties. No hugs from all the proud family members. Not much is the same these days and there is a lot of disappointment all around.

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There is ONE thing we can do for our graduates. We can still give them bits of sage advice to help them along life’s pathway. Something to enlighten, encourage, inspire them as they take this next step in an uncertain world...an uncertain time.

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What is your best piece of advice to someone who was supposed to graduate this week? Let’s send them off with some profound bits of knowledge and encouragement, shall we?

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❤️

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“May he grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans!”

\nPsalm 20:4 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/08/day-its-feel-good-fridaytime.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Courage","Choices","Change","Feel Good Friday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/06/day-saying-goodbye-to-beni.html", "title": "Day 51: Saying Goodbye to Beni", "content_html": "\n
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I’ve had to say goodbye to several fur babies and each one hurts more than you can imagine. The first time I ever had to put a dog down, it wasn’t even mine. It was my late father-in-law’s. He just didn’t have the heart to do it. He asked if I would. I don’t know why, but I’m the one that always had to take the “kids” for their last ride. Women are stronger in this, maybe. Maybe it’s because I was mostly raised on a farm that I got elected. For whatever reason, and as hard as it was, it was always an honor to be with a beloved companion in their last moments and let them see and hear someone they loved and trusted. It is the final gift you can give them.

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The other day, my friend Deneene had to say goodbye to her beloved Beni. It carried the usual pain of losing a companion animal, but it had an added layer of pain. Beni was the last of the pack that was left from the animals she shared with her late husband. Losing this dog meant losing another important connection to Mike. It compounds the grief.

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Losing a loved one is like dropping a big stone in a still pond. That first contact between the rock and the water causes the biggest wave. Then the ripples begin to slowly spread out and touch more and more of the space between the event and the shore. Since there is no timetable for grief, many years can go by and you still encounter a wave that originated from the center.

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Beni was a good dog. He rarely barked but when he did, it was more like saying hello than it was a warning. He was gentle and sweet and other animals seemed to know he was a good boy. He had a rocky start. Deneene’s daughter found him abandoned inside a crate. He surely would have starved to death if she hadn’t found him and took him in. His leg was severely injured and he always walked with a bit of a limp. But, dogs are the only animal that love you more than they do themselves and he never knew an enemy once he knew the love of his girl.

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Cas brought Beni to visit Deneene. They had a strong bond. Deneene often called and asked her to bring Beni over for a visit...or maybe let him spend the weekend. Before long, Beni just ended up staying with Deneene and that was it. They were attached at the hip. A little over a year ago, Deneene knew Beni didn’t have too much longer with them, so she brought another dog home. She has never been without a companion animal and she wasn’t about to this time, either. 

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Griffen the Grey joined their pack. A solid little French Bulldog puppy that everyone fell in love with. He was Beni’s annoying little brother who made him get up and move around more than he really wanted to. Maybe that’s what kept him going this last year. One of Beni’s favorite things to do was ride in the kayak with his mom. He wore a life vest in his later years because he wasn’t strong enough to keep his head above water.

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Last Friday, Deneene knew Beni was done. He stopped eating. Sometimes he couldn’t stand up without falling down. She waited for him to tell her when...and he did. She set the date for Monday, then treated Beni to a beautiful farewell weekend with all his favorite things. They went for a ride in the car and a swim in the lake. And they went for ice cream. Griff seemed to know something was up because he just laid close to Beni all weekend without trying to engage him in play.

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When the last ride was over, they brought their good boy home and buried him in a beautiful part of the yard, in the cool shade of a tree. They placed a statue of St. Francis at his head to watch over him. And Griffen laid near the grave all day, waiting for his buddy, honoring his friendship, mourning his passing.

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Other animals miss their brothers and sisters when they cross over the Rainbow Bridge, just like we do. It’s sad for everyone. Even though we know they aren’t suffering anymore, we still may feel guilty, like maybe we should have...could have...done more for our friends. In the wild, an animal goes off in the woods by themselves to die when it’s their time. Domestic pets rely on us to make the humane decision for them.

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Those pets who own a person are the most blessed because they get to take a little bit of their human’s heart with them...just as they leave behind a little piece of their own. I’ve heard it said, eventually you end up with the heart of a dog...one who loves everyone unconditionally.

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My heart is with you, Deneene. And with all of you who have had to say goodbye to a beloved pet...especially if that pet was the last of the pack you shared with your loved one.

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❤️

\n\n\n
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“For what happens to the children of man and what happens to the beasts is the same; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the same breath, and man has no advantage over the beasts, for all is vanity. All go to one place. All are from the dust, and to dust all return.”

\nEcclesiastes 3:19-20 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/06/day-saying-goodbye-to-beni.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/23/day-prioritizing.html", "title": "Day 38: Prioritizing", "content_html": "\n
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Homemade Apple Pie
\n\n\n

It isn’t always easy to do a do-over...those moments where life throws you a king sized curve ball and you get to reinvent yourself. There were the divorces. The overdose. Mr. Virgo’s death. The move to WV. Marrying Mr. FixIt. And now...coronavirus has sent us into timeout giving us the opportunity to rethink some things. There are very few things I actually regret doing in my life. But every single time I’ve had to rebuild or rethink has been an incredible time of personal growth.

\n\n\n

I received an email this week from my financial advisor with that dreaded “we need to talk” subject. I’ve expected this and was actually preparing to call her anyway. We set a time for yesterday. I sipped my coffee out by the pool in the morning sunshine while we talked about strategies and being good stewards of the funds we are entrusted with. Danielle has taught me a lot about money. I wouldn’t say I’m financially wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. But what I do have, I want to be careful with.

\n\n\n

My mind wandered back to when I first became a widow. I had so much to deal with....bills, debt, and planning for a future without my primary breadwinner. I had the money from my divorce settlement and I was still years away from Social Security and Medicare. I had been a “kept woman” for most of my adult life having the luxury of staying home for a portion of that as a stay-at-home mom. Honestly, I knew nothing about money and avoided the conversation like the plague. Once I became a widow, I had no choice. I had to learn.

\n\n\n

I didn’t handle my finances very well. Whether it was denial or rebellion or an attempt to soothe my grief with spending, money slipped through my hands like water. And, if I’m going to be brutally honest...in that first year or two, I honestly didn’t think I could possibly survive that so I might as well go out with a bang. Of course, there came a moment of clarity when I realized I had to rein it in or lose my retirement money completely, thank God. 

\n\n\n

Somewhere in yesterday’s conversation with Danielle, I had a lightbulb moment. I told her I didn’t know if it was being married to a down-to-earth, frugal WV boy or reaching “a certain age” or what...but I’ve suddenly felt a sort of fiduciary maturation of late. I can talk about money without my palms sweating or my heart racing which is such a relief.

\n\n\n

When I first started with Danielle, she asked if I wanted to work with a secular guideline or a faith-based one. I had never heard of taking a faith-based approach to financial management and that certainly appealed to me. When we talk about my retirement funds, we talk about looking at my money with intentionality. Where do I want to be in two years? God has blessed me with these funds. How can I use them responsibly?

\n\n\n

The spigot of spending has been turned off by this pandemic. What was once multiple trips to town per week has dwindled to one. It’s given me the opportunity to re-evaluate the shopping experience. When we come out of this, I know my own personal spending habits will be different. While the reason we are having home is tragic, we can...we MUST...learn new skills.

\n\n\n

My shopping list is usually in an online shopping app. I put what I think I need in my cart and leave it there for a week. Then I review it and invariably ended up either deleting items or saving them for consideration later. If, after two or three weeks, I feel it’s warranted, then I complete my purchase. My recent order included supplies to make homemade tofu. It’s been a long time since I’ve made my own. It tastes so much better than the store bought variety and it’s an affordable source of protein. I buy my soybeans from a farm in Iowa. They are organic and non-GMO. I don’t know if I could ever be a vegetarian, but I can certainly substitute meats with fresh tofu 2-3 times a week.

\n\n\n

I’ve cleaned up my schedule, we’re cleaning up our living space, we’re creating ways to enjoy our property without the expense or hazards of travel while still maintaining the experience, and now we’re cleaning up our diet. Well, yeah, ok...there’s pie. But I substituted part of the sugar with Splenda. Hey...one step at a time, ok?

\n\n\n

❤️

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“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

\nRomans 8:28 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/23/day-prioritizing.html", "tags": ["Positive Energy","Comfort","Choices","Change","Farm Life","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/22/day-easy-does-itstay-home.html", "title": "Day 37: Easy Does It...Stay Home!", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Princess Pumpkin holds court on the deck while we gaze with pride at the garden!
\n\n\n

We have really been sticking close to home...a huge change for us. We usually make several trips to town every week but we are limiting it to no more than one. Of course, that means it’s a longer trip so we can do everything that needs doing. It’s mundane stuff...kitty litter, bird seed, prescriptions, post office, and the pool store to get chemicals during their yearly sale.

\n\n\n

I was pleased to see you can have your prescriptions delivered to your car at Walmart. There were a couple of designated spots with a sign giving a number to call and let them know you’re there. It took about 10 minutes and we didn’t have to go inside. Same at the pool store. They came out to the truck and asked what we needed, went in and had it in the back of the truck in less than five minutes. The post office box is in the lobby and there were two people there...a man who held the door for me and a post office employees sanitizing everything. In and out in less than 60 seconds. 

\n\n\n

The only really trip inside was to Rural King. One set of doors for entering, the other to exit. They had an employee at each door. When one left another could enter. Since there were two of us, we had to wait for the second person to leave. We made a bee line to the back, waited in line for five minutes...six feet apart and with masks. Our reward for the day was walking a mile in the park. We ran into one of our classmates halfway through and he continued with us at the required distance. It was nice to see a friendly face.

\n\n\n

Today is the 50th Anniversary of Earth Day! Our garden is tilled. The tomatoes are loving the big window in the family room and have grown to double their size in two weeks. They are putting out blossoms and in order for them to set, I need to pollinate them with a Q-Tip since we don’t have bees inside. Only one blossom has opened. More will open today so I can touch the stamens from one to another with the Q-Tip to pollinate the flowers so they produce fruit.

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Every time I go to the store, I pick up a couple of cases of canning jars. I used to have a couple hundred of them back in the day, but that was one of the things that went by the wayside when I downsized six years ago. Rural King had an excellent assortment and related canning supplies at affordable prices. I’m really looking forward to gardening this year. In a few weeks, I can get my flowers for the pots on the patio. Usually I’m gone so much of the summer, I don’t get to do any of that stuff but this is shaping up to be a stay-at-home year, I’m afraid.

\n\n\n

I know you are watching the Covid coverage, as we all are. There are so many schools of thought surrounding opening back up. I know I’m coming from a fairly comfortable position not having to get back to work. I know people are struggling financially. But I am erring on the side of caution. I don’t have anyplace to go in a hurry and I certainly have plenty to do here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to continue to isolate and take every precaution I can. I pray there isn’t a second wave, but if history serves and the Influenza Pandemic of 1918 is any indication...there will be. Many, many more died in the second wave. I really feel we have to move forward with caution...but that’s just my medical background talking and the advice of advanced epidemiologists. 

\n\n\n

In the meantime, I plan my garden...I stock up on canning supplies...I clean and organize...and the electrical designer comes out today to give us her recommendations for “Camp Marshmallow”! It will be cool and rainy today...a perfect day to bake an apple pie and put a pork roast in the oven for supper.

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Easy does it!

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❤️

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“As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy.”

\n1 Timothy 6:17 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-22T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/22/day-easy-does-itstay-home.html", "tags": ["Family","Hope","Growth","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/21/day-we-will-be-changed.html", "title": "Day 36: We Will Be Changed", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
A good coat of water repellant is a reminder of personal protective equipment and our heroes who wear them.
\n\n\n

I have to admit, I wasn’t doing so great on Sunday. I had what I used to call a “pity party” in my self-denigration days. Now I know I was having a healthy release of pent up emotions that was perfectly understandable and acceptable. I allow that in these richer, riper years. I wish I could have been easier on myself when I was younger but better late than never, right?

\n\n\n

Yesterday was so much better. I slept well and allowed myself a little extra time to wake up and stretch while I enjoyed the morning sunshine through the bedroom window. When I was ready, I padded into the family room to kiss Mr. FixIt on top of his head and went to make coffee. I would have loved to sit on the deck by the pool under the new pergola we built, but it was still a bit too chilly. Instead, I took my coffee into the office to do a little writing.

\n\n\n

I was just getting into my groove when my phone jingled and it was Daughter #1 calling for a video chat. My heart soared! I moved my chair over to the window, grabbed my coffee, and sat back to share every bit of love I could during her thirty minute break. We had such a lovely visit. Big came out of her bedroom to give me her sweetest smile. Little was busy doing whatever almost-thirteen-year-olds do during a pandemic. It was such an incredible treat to see my girls.

\n\n\n

While I was busy writing, Mr. FixIt was out tilling the garden. He came when he was finished and invited me out to sit in the sun with him for awhile. The cat jumped in my lap and snoozed for a little while. The red-winged blackbirds and the blue jays were putting up a fuss over the feeder. We haven’t seen any hummingbirds yet but the food is out.

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I sat there, soaking up the sun and feeling the freedom a slower pace brings. I watched my husband as he started skimming leaves out of the bottom of the pool with the long-handled net. The water dripping onto the wooden boards of the deck and I smiled to see the water seal he put on last summer was doing its job.

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The light is getting stronger every day as we get deeper into spring. I marveled at the beads of water on the deck. For some reason, they reminded me of our brave frontline workers in this health crisis. Their resistance to defeat makes them stand up...shining in the sun. I don’t know about you but I will never, ever look at a healthcare worker the same again. Their dedication and perseverance is awe inspiring. 

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I think we’ll end up staying where we are for the time being instead of building in town. We’ll wait for the economy to rebound before we venture into something that big. That means I can ease back a little on the timeline of the home projects and rearrange some priorities. We missed out on our trip to the beach. And camping isn’t looking too promising right now. So, I asked Mr. FixIt to get a power pole installed in our field so I can plug in at least two campers. That way, when restrictions ease up some, I can host some of my camping friends in my own little private campground here on The Ponderosa.

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It’s ok to have sad times. And, it’s ok to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and change your dreams. I’m really looking forward to getting the camper cleaned up and “go on vacation”...right in our own backyard. 

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❤️

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“Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,”

\n1 Corinthians 15:51 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-21T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/21/day-we-will-be-changed.html", "tags": ["Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/19/day-we-are-in-the.html", "title": "Day 34: We Are in the Same Storm...NOT the Same Boat", "content_html": "\n
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We are all caught in the same storm...but not in the same boat.
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Let me preface this by stating this is not an original thought. I mean, really...IS there such a thing anymore? No, I read something yesterday on Facebook that someone forwarded. It was attributed to an “Unknown Author” so, who knows? If you wrote it or know for certain who did, let me know so I can give credit where credit is due. 

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The premise of the post was the pandemic and where we factor in it. I’m sure we all have read “We are in the same boat!” That couldn’t be further from the truth. “We’ll get through this together!” Oh, that I truly pray for. But in the same boat? Nope. We’re in the same storm. And even that is somewhat different. The storm in Washington state and Florida and New York and Texas and New Orleans is far different than Montana and Wyoming and North Dakota and even here in West Virginia. 

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The only thing that is absolute is, we are facing the same enemy...Covid-19. That’s the storm we are collectively facing. For some, it’s hardly a blip on the radar screen. For others, it’s a Class V Hurricane. To say we are all in the same boat is totally inaccurate. We are all in our own boats...sailing along as best we can with what’s being thrown our way. It’s a crapshoot where the dice will land when they're tossed our way.

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Some of us are riding this wave with life vests out the wazoo. Money in the bank, food in the larder, a mortgage free home. It’s pretty much business as usual with a little more time at home than we’re used to. Maybe we don’t get the choicest cut of meat or they were out of our favorite wine. Maybe our biggest challenge is getting oh so bored with the menu at Chez Home Kitchen or we’ve gone through our DVR’s backlog of “must see” shows we always wanted to catch up on.

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Others have always been a paycheck away from hunger or homelessness. We’ve got parents teaching their children through online learning on top of working their own 10-12 hour day online...if we’re lucky enough to have a job, period. Some of us don’t have sweet and tender spouses ready to be there to back us up in our darkest time of need. Some of us have suffered abuse at night but at least had those hours on the job as a way to escape the blows for a while. Some of our children are facing hunger now more than ever...maybe for the first time in their little lives. Maybe the weight of the crises between moms and dad is spilling over and the littles are catching the brunt of it in ways we cannot imagine.

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We are NOT in the same boat. The single mom with three kids that’s trying to figure out how to keep her family together is not the same as the retired couple sipping their martini and watching the evening news together in their neat and tidy mansion on the 9th hole of the local country club. 

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We are NOT in the same boat. The dad who works three jobs to put food on the table and finds himself standing in a food bank line for 10 hours to receive a sack of groceries the likes of which others can pick up at the corner market without a second thought. 

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We are NOT in the same boat. Blacks and Latinos are dying in far greater numbers simply because their demographic puts them at a higher risk for disease.

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We ARE, however, in the same storm...more or less. We are facing a formidable foe. I pray we get through this together. But some of us won’t. Many of us won’t. 

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We are seeing exactly what I told you we would see. I told you, if the numbers didn’t turn out to be the mega-catastrophic death tolls originally predicted, we would have people screaming that we over-reacted. I told you this would happen if the curve flattened but it’s not because we over-reacted. It’s because the safety measures we put in place did their jobs. This debate will rage for months...could more lives have been saved if we started earlier? Did we do enough? Did we do too much? Where and when did the virus actually start? Since we didn’t have enough tests, what is the actually number of patients infected? 

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Now we are seeing protests of the shutdown and some officials are easing restrictions in what others see as too soon and with reckless abandon. Just the other day I wrote a post about gaslighting and we are seeing more and more of that, too. Changes will come at a dizzying speed and it’s going to be hard to keep up. Throw a presidential election in the mix and...holy cats...what a mess.

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It’s not all gloom and doom, though. Look at how folks are rallying around the people on the front lines. Look at how people are contributing and volunteering and organizing. As Mrs. Rogers told her little boy...”Look for the helpers.” They're out there and they are doing good things. There are positive things coming from this. People are searching out ways to be of service.

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If you’re still having trouble finding a ray of hope, try this. There wasn’t a single school shooting in all of March 2020...the first March since 2002 to not see one.

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That is a sobering thought.

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Maybe, just maybe....maybe we don’t WANT to go back to normal. 

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Maybe this is our chance to change. This is our do-over.

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I had to do it after Mr. Virgo died. I had to create a whole new normal. A whole new world. A whole new identity. Heck, if I...in all my messy dysfunction...could work with God and create something as beautiful as the life I’m living, anything is possible. 

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Anything.

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❤️

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““Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

\nIsaiah 43:18-19 ESV\n
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#StartingOver, #Healing, #Coronavirus

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/19/day-we-are-in-the.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","New Ideas","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/18/day-the-transmogrification-of-the.html", "title": "Day 33: The Transmogrification of the World", "content_html": "\n
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The gorgeous woods of Beaver Creek State Park bring me back at least twice a year.
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You can ask anyone who knows me...especially my sweet hubby...CHANGE is my middle name. I can roll with the punches like the best of them. I can adapt, adjust, regroup, reform, revise, diversify, shift, twist, transform, remodel, and steer in a whole new direction. I’ve made myself over so many times, I am unrecognizable to those who’ve known me longest. But there comes a point where it gets “purt near impossible” as my grandma used to say...even for a flexible person like me.

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I can handle when things slow down. I can take it when certain items are unavailable. After all, I lived through the great gasoline, toilet paper and sugar shortage of 1973-74 in the UK. We were actually given ration coupons. I hate that this disease is causing so much hardship on the world. It breaks my heart the amount of death that lies in its wake.

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The first time I ever faced the visual shock of devastating change was in the late ‘80s, early ‘90s. I was on my annual trip to West Virginia to visit my family. I always stayed at the farm as much as possible when I went home and no trip was complete without a hike back up on the hill to the old Strawberry Shed. At this time, I could still walk up the trail behind the barn and walk through the woods. Now, old trees have long since fallen up the holler and blocked any way to get up through there, let alone finding the path since it’s overgrown.

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That one particular summer, I hiked back up on the hill and when I came out into the clearing where the old garden was, I dropped to my knees in disbelief. The woods were gone. Just...gone! They had been clear cut and nothing was left but stumps. Something inside me felt broken and I cried my heart out. Someone had killed my childhood memories and I felt violated.

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No one told me about the woods. No one warned me what the change would look like or that I should prepare myself. For them, it was a matter of course. Wood is a commodity on a farm and when you need to build a building or you need some money to live on, you make a withdrawal out of the “Bank of Nature” and cash it in. I knew this in my logical brain, but my emotional brain was devastated.

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Last fall, my dear friend Gail told us our beloved Beaver Creek State Park was going to close soon after our “What a Hoot” event with the Girl Campers. She said they were going to cut out some dead wood, thin out the woods to improve the forest health, and mitigate a couple of old holding ponds leftover from the days when the area was a strip mine. The plan was to fill in those two pits and cut some of the far trees so you could once again look down over the edge to see the Pioneer Village below.

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The devastation of the clear cut woods in Beaver Creek State Park brought back the terrible image of my grandma’s farm when they cut the trees down without telling me.
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That sounded good. A healthy move. A needed change. It would promote healthy new growth and cut down on the terrible mosquito problem that infested the area in late summer. I haven’t been back up there yet. The state park is still closed for rehab. And, the pandemic has kept us from camping yet. Then, I saw the first photos from the park and I was once again hit in the gut with that familiar pain from such a visual change.

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The trees are just...gone. It looks like all of them, from what I can see. What was once magical is now just a memory. We can only hope that what is there will become beautiful again, but it won’t be in our lifetime. The changes we are seeing from the pandemic may also be far reaching. Many are unimaginable and hit us in the gut. Things are different. And more change will come. And some of it will be downright ugly and frightening, but....at the same time...

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The birds will sing.

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The sun will rise and set.

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The seasons will change.

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Babies will come.

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Elders will go.

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The water will flow from the peaks of the mountains to the valleys below.

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There will be fires and storms and earthquakes and disease.

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And there will be life.

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Resilient, strong, adaptable people will persevere. We may not live long enough to see how it all plays out but we can rest assured of one thing...

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No matter what is thrown at us in this life, we know the end of the story and good triumphs over evil. 

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It is finished. We just haven’t seen the end of it yet.

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❤️

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“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

\nJeremiah 29:11 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/18/day-the-transmogrification-of-the.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Anger","Courage","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/16/day-the-redbud-and-dogwood.html", "title": "Day 31: The Redbud and Dogwood are Blooming!", "content_html": "\n
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The redbud are blooming!!!
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Mr. FixIt and I have been watching the weather reports very carefully the last week. We needed to get out to the farm to mow so we have been waiting for a dry, sunny day. Yesterday and today both were forecast to be beautiful, but...there was a 60% chance of rain last night. The ground at the farm is very soft and since it’s in a holler, it just doesn’t dry out very well. A heavy riding mower could easily tear up the lawn if we weren’t careful so we decided to go yesterday.

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The wispy purple-pink of redbud are so ethereal mixed with the spring green. One of my favorite color combos.
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As I was gathering things up to leave, I asked Mr. FixIt if he would like to go spend the night at the farm since we were going out anyway. This coming weekend is when we were supposed to go to the beach, so we have both been feeling the disappointment of changed plans. This would be a nice little getaway and feel like at least we saw something other than our own four walls.

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The first mowing of the spring out at the farm.
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As soon as we drove into the driveway, we saw the tarp on the vintage camper had been ripped off in the wind. We knew we needed to get that fixed as soon as possible so we quickly got the lawn mowed then headed to the closest town with a hardware store to buy a tarp. The drive there was stunning. The sun was shining. It was just warm enough to have the windows open and the wind blowing through our hair. On the way home, we stopped to pick up a pie and ice cream for dessert. I also finally had the opportunity to snag a shot of this really cool dry-stacked rock wall I’ve been eyeing for the last couple of years.

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I think this big pine is going to have to come down before too long. It keeps leaning out over the yard.
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Every time I had the opportunity, I stopped and took photos. After Mr. Virgo died, I realized I only had a handful of photos of him. He was always the photographer so we didn’t get many pictures of him. I’ll never make that mistake again. Now I take pictures of everything and everyone. I have hundreds of photos of Mr. FixIt and since I’m taking photos of him, I end up taking pictures of a lot of other things, too.

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I drive past this dry-stack rock wall frequently and finally got a picture of it.
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We have a lot of cherry blossoms. Now if we could just keep the birds out when they’re ripe in order to actually have some for pies.
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One of my friends from Grandma’s church posted a picture of a batch of Redbud Jelly. Unfortunately, I don’t have the stuff to make it at the moment, but I’ll have it for next spring! 

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Stacie says it’s really easy to make and has such a delicate taste. And, my oh my...isn’t it just beautiful? I’m thinking Homemade Buttermilk Biscuits and Redbud Jelly are definitely on the menu for Spring 2021!

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Here’s the picture of Stacie’s jelly and the recipe she sent me:

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Stacie’s Redbud Jelly. It’s as pretty as a picture!
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I hope you are finding things to look forward to today. When we were at the hardware store yesterday, we bought seeds to plant green beans. The last three springs, the rabbits have eaten them. Now that we have Pumpkin the Guard Cat...we haven’t had any bunnies in the yard so maybe we will have beans this year!

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❤️

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“Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.””

\nHosea 6:3 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-16T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/16/day-the-redbud-and-dogwood.html", "tags": ["Health","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","The Farm","Presence","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/15/day-cognitive-dissonance-and-my.html", "title": "Day 30: Cognitive Dissonance and My World View", "content_html": "\n
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It’s a fine line we walk these days.
\n\n\n

Since we’ve been on the topic of mental health, we might as well broach one of the biggest crazy-makers there is. Cognitive Dissonance. I am not an expert, but I have a general understanding of this psychological concept. And it’s something that actually hurts my brain.

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It takes all kinds to make the world go ‘round. If we were all alike it would be a pretty boring world. There was a time in the not so distant past that people disagreed with each other...usually in politics or religion...and could still practice civil discourse without going off the rails in a temper tantrum. There was a time when civility and grace was a valued character trait. 

\n\n\n

For me, Cognitive Dissonance shows up when I look at the world today versus, say...when Mr. Virgo died seven years ago. My long held world view does not match the view of the world I see today. It’s like I woke up in some George Orwell novel or something. Or a twisted version of Oz where the Wizard is an even bigger monster behind the curtain.

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I’m not necessarily referring to party politics here, but the general state of humanity. This warp in my vision is highly disconcerting and makes me feel uncomfortable. But, it doesn’t make me pull a nutty and go off on perfect strangers via social media. It doesn’t make me scream obscenities at others because our views clash. 

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I can experience this level of discomfort and form a resolve to do what I can to help change the world. At the same time, I have to recognize there are others who are just as uncomfortable with my views as I am of theirs. It’s time to separate the wheat from the chaff. We have an opportunity here in the midst of the pandemic to come together with a little grace and poise and acceptance of our differences. We can...we MUST work together for the common good or we are lost.

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I own a square foot of this world. It’s the place where I stand. It is from my square foot plot that I can build my platform. It is from my platform that I can serve others. It is in serving others that I find grace within. It is grace that will be perceived as kindness. It is kindness that demonstrates love. And, it is love that is the very foundation of life.

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May we all stand firmly on our square foot of ground and bring love and peace to the world. May this period spent in time out not be for nuthin’.

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❤️

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“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”

\nEphesians 4:1-3 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-15T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/15/day-cognitive-dissonance-and-my.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","New Ideas","Comfort","Grace","Wisdom","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/14/day-its-ok-to-cry.html", "title": "Day 29: It’s OK to Cry. It’s Also OK Not To", "content_html": "\n
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It’s ok to cry...or not to. Just feel your feels.
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I’ve gone through a lot of therapy in my life. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and the substance abuse of self-medication. I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and the progeny of a dysfunctional alcoholic father. I haven’t always selected the best relationships and I’ve made a thousand and one critical errors of judgement. My life has been messy and I’ve hurt a lot of people along the way. But, I’ve had a boatload of therapy and then I finally listened to the knock on my heart and let Jesus into my life to perform the most amazing miracle in an instant. 

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He made me new.

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That therapy...those long years of prodding and poking the beast within me till I could expose it for what it was gave me the tools that I desperately needed when I lost Mr. Virgo. The tools I learned along the way, and the faith and trust I have in Jesus brought me back into the light and transformed my pain into my purpose.

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I was telling someone the other day, if ever there were anything that could possibly shake twenty years of sobriety, it would be the last couple of months. At first, the coronavirus was something far away and didn’t touch me. It was no different than any other news story viewed with empathy but also a certain...detachment. It didn’t really hit home that it was coming here. I had this false sense of security, as I’m sure many of you felt as well.

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Then, Mr. FixIt had a stroke. Mild, thank God. But... “he’s had a stroke” is NOT what I expected to hear that cold Friday night in February. Thankfully, that didn’t settle in and trigger my PTSD too much. As a matter of fact, I don’t remember much of the first couple of weeks afterward. That’s the nature of our brain...it protects us when it can.

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What I do remember was...sitting together, watching the news. The coronavirus was here. We were transfixed. The threat of a deadly pandemic had a way of minimizing the stroke and changed our focus outward. We watched and watched and watched till we had to stop for our own mental health. 

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Then tornado season is hitting when these poor people are at their lowest. My heart is breaking...all the time.

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I used to cry. A lot. I’d cry at anything...Kleenex commercials, the smell of my baby’s head, a sad movie, the tenderness of falling in love, the aching grief of loss. It occurred to me sometime in all of this...I haven’t cried. Not a break down, ugly cry. Not the sob till you can’t catch your breath kind of cry. It made me think something might be wrong with me.

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Oh, I’ve had moments when a silent tear has slipped down my cheek. When I snuck to the bathroom to throw up while they started the stroke protocol on my husband. When I got him home and finally felt the relief it wasn’t any worse than it was. When the news started showing the hard realities of the pandemic. When my great grandbaby said, “I love you, Gigi” and I couldn’t scoop her up in my arms. When I couldn’t be with my kids and grandkids. Then I saw the potters graves of the unclaimed, unidentified bodies piling up in NYC. 

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What is wrong with me that I am not beating my chest and sobbing?

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It turns out...there’s nothing wrong with me. I know it’s ok to cry. I know it’s healing to release those cleansing hormones. And, I know Who I hand this all over to every night. I know that i can lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross and leave it there and God will carry it for me. It’s like my tattoo reminds me...my burdens are light as a feather because God carries them for me.

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There is nothing wrong with seeking out the help of a mental heath practitioner if you are feeling overwhelmed. Most are offering video conferencing now and that makes them so much more accessible now.

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I learned a lot about crying when I became a widow. Maybe I cried all the tears I had left in those first two or three years. Maybe I just got a heck of a lot stronger or braver or harder from that experience. I don’t know. All I know is, it’s ok if you can’t find the tears to cry right now. These are tough times. It’s just so much easier when you don’t have to carry this burden all by yourself. When things ease up, maybe our tears will come more easily. Till then, may you find some Peace within you.

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❤️

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“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.”

\nPsalm 107:13-16 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/14/day-its-ok-to-cry.html", "tags": ["Faith","Comfort","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/07/day-i-took-a-little.html", "title": "Day 22: I Took a Little Break...Stay and Pray", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
The view from my grandparents’ bedroom has always brought me such peace. I always feel safe here.
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I had to be up bright and early yesterday to take the truck into the body shop to fix the damage from the rebar I ran over a couple of weeks ago. Could it have waited? Yes. But there was very minimal contact with others in the interaction. I wore a mask, spoke to one man in the body shop...at a distance. Handed over the key and declined his offer to wait inside for the Enterprise guy to bring my vehicle. When the car arrived, I sat in my truck and the agent stood six feet away and asked questions. I handed him my ID and credit card wrapped in a disinfecting wipe...for his protection. I received it back in a different wrap for mine. It was all done in five minutes.

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I took my container of wipes and went over every surface of that car that I am likely to touch, although I could see from the streaks left behind that it had been cleaned before. When I was satisfied, I got in and left. I checked my mail and went through the drive thru for a bag of pepperoni rolls because one must have pepperoni rolls when facing the worst week of a pandemic, right? The package got wiped down as well.

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My laundry was still in the truck from my ill-fated trip to the farm last Sunday when the hillside was on fire, so I made plans to head out there after getting the rental car. I arrived in late morning and the sun was sparkling on all the lovely green grass and flowering shrubs. I hauled in my laundry and got it started. As the first load was in, I crawled into the bed my grandparents slept in. I pulled the covers up under my chin and stared out the window at the massive flowering quince along the creek bank.

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My mind, like most of yours I’m sure, has been a whirlwind these last few weeks. Between prayers for my family, friends, readers, and public at large and keeping inventory of where I’ve been, how many times I’ve washed my hands, and if I’ve touched my face...I’ve been...what? Teetering? No, that’s not it. Worried? Yeah, who isn’t? Overwhelmed? Surprisingly, no. Actually I’ve been running steady like a little two-stroke engine pulling a grist mill. Humming right along, but bound to run out of gas soon or later.

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I decided to take a preemptive break BEFORE I ran out of gas. This is a good mental health strategy that I learned along some of the rockiest paths I’ve been on in this life. And, I can’t think of anyplace in the world that gives me more comfort than being at the farm by myself for a day or two. It even beats being in my camper...and you KNOW how much I love that!

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As I watched the flowery branches of the quince sway to and fro in the breeze, a Yellow Eastern Tiger Swallowtail butterfly landed here and there, sucking up the sweet nectar. It made me smile. I took a deep breath through my nose and smelled flowers and moss and wet leaves in the woods. I smelled “grandma’s house”...a pleasing mixture of old wood, old fabrics, old books. I wish I could bottle that and keep it. Or make candles with that special scent. The birds were calling and I saw the blue heron that frequents the creek across the road as it slowly beat its wings up the holler.

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I drifted off into a deep sleep and when I woke up, I vowed I would not watch the news on this beautiful day. I know what is happening. Instead, I prayed for them all. Those being left at the door of the hospital. Those being left behind when they don’t return. I cannot change what is happening right now. I cannot do anything more than what I am currently doing....wiping, washing, and waiting. Weeping more doesn’t help.

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A high school friend lost her husband during the night. It was not unexpected. It was not coronavirus. It was cancer. Death doesn’t wait for anything or anyone. That death hurts, too. Because that’s the one we knew was coming and couldn’t stop it. This pandemic has changed how we grieve. We will continue to find all the ways it has changed us as we go along, but my heart breaks for the newly bereaved in this time without hugs.

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❤️

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“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

\nPsalms 34:18 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/07/day-i-took-a-little.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/06/day-three-weeks-downhow-many.html", "title": "Day 21: Three Weeks Down...How Many More?", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Here’s a sweet idea for a craft to do with the kids while we are sheltering at home. I can see presents for the grandparents here.
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I was thinking about the shutdown this weekend and wondered how people would have reacted if, from the get-go, we were told...”Ok, y’all need to go home and stay home. The only places you can go is the grocery store, the pharmacy, the gas station, and the doctor or hospital...period! You can help a senior or a debilitated family member, but everything else is shut down...like, NOW!”

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Can you imagine the rebellion and chaos? Thank God it didn’t come that way, because this way is bad enough. We did great this week. We did go to the nursery to buy our tomato plants and picked up a pizza, but we stayed out of stores. It’s going to be even more important to do that in the next two weeks as we near the peak. 

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I don’t think the “official numbers” of coronavirus cases being reported, in this country especially, is anywhere near accurate. I talked with friends this weekend who are doctors. They said they had patients who clearly had the symptoms, but you have to call the DHHR, give them the info, and THEY make the determination whether the patient gets the test. We were woefully underprepared for this crisis, but hopefully this will be a lesson and we can learn and grow from it for the next time a pandemic comes.

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Let’s just continue to do our best, to hope and pray that we get through this with the fewest deaths possible, and we can live to fight another day. There are so many things that need to change in our immediate future, and I will do my best to help wherever I can. I have country living skills that I can share with others. I vow to teach the young people in my family what they need to know to thrive in hard times.

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My phone rang yesterday and it was a group of girlfriends from high school calling with a surprise group video chat. What a treat! It was wonderful to see each other and lift each other up on a sunny Palm Sunday. It did our hearts good.

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I have no idea how much longer we’ll be sheltering at home. Last night after supper, Mr. FixIt and I went for a walk out our country lane. We passed a neighbor and her littles out for a walk to check the mail. I asked if they were the ones who left that lovely container of homemade cookies on our stoop at Christmas. The mama smiled and nodded her head. She pointed to the two older girls...maybe five and seven years old. I told them what a great job they did and that their cookies were delicious. Those little girls beamed!

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How are you all doing with meal prep? Are you tired of cooking? Have you come up with innovative ways to prepare the same thing over and over? I made spaghetti last night but I was out of fresh mushrooms. I used canned mushrooms and I really thought the sauce was awful. Mr. FixIt loved it, but I thought it was bland and too soupy. But, as my grandma used to say...”It’ll be et!” Food was never wasted at Grandma’s house, and it won’t be wasted at mine, either.

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So, it’s Monday. It may be a bumpy ride this week. Do what you need to do to get by, but be safe. Try not to watch the news too much. We will get through this.

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❤️

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“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;”

\n2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/06/day-three-weeks-downhow-many.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/05/day-a-lesson-from-nature.html", "title": "Day 20: A Lesson From Nature and a Song for Your Heart", "content_html": "\n
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A tree finds a way to grow in the harshest of environments.
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Yesterday was so beautiful on The Ponderosa. The forsythia and flowering quince are at their peak of color. The pear tree out front is so full of delicate white blossoms the limbs bend. The grass in the fields has filled in with a spring green that shocks the eyes in the glare of the sun. All around us, the woods are filling in...first the underbrush, then the trees budding. It is a sight to behold and one that brings peace and comfort to my soul. It brings promise in the midst of an ugly scourge that is threatening the world. The dichotomy between the microcosm of my world and the painful specter that is New York, Italy, and countless other locales Boggles the mind. 

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We spent the biggest portion of yesterday outside. I cleaned out my truck to prepare it for the body shop on Monday. The camping gear was sadly put away for now. We had a socially distanced visit with some family in the driveway. Our first great grandson is getting SO big and it was really hard not to run and scoop him up in my arms. Fortunately, he is too young to understand all this and was happy to sit in the seat of their Jeep and play patty-cake with me.

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As I went about my day, cleaning and organizing, I watched the birds swoop in to the bird feeders. Mr. FixIt put up the hummingbird feeder and we are anxiously awaiting our first sighting. The flowering shrubs are so heavily laden with honey bees, you can hear them buzzing from twenty feet away. It does my heart good to see the bees. I think there are more this year than usual, which is a good sign.

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Nature can teach us many things during times of duress. Nature almost always finds a way to survive, even in the harshest of environments. So can we. Nature displays beauty at every turn, even when the going gets rough. So can we. Nature follows a set script of seasons and there is a time for every purpose. There is for us, as well. It’s just that, now we have this thing...this aberrant monster that we can’t control. And that is disconcerting. Disheartening. Discouraging. 

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Even in the most difficult moments of our lives, we can find courage, we can seek beauty, and we can display kindness. In my search for Christine Lavin’s song about adjusting your dreams, I stumbled upon another of her works. At first, I was a bit afraid to listen as the title is “As Bad As It Gets”. She wrote it for someone she loved very much who was going through a devastating medical crisis. When I listened to it, I thought to myself it was something I wish I would have found early on in my grief. I find it comforting in the light of where we are right now and thought I would share it with you here this morning. Christine sent it to me to share in the hope that it helps you.

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“As Bad As It Gets” by Christina Lavin: https://vimeo.com/233368854

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❤️

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“And his disciples asked him, \"Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?\" Jesus answered, \"It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.\"”

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John 9:2-5 ESV

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#Struggles, #Coronavirus, #Faith, #ChristineLavin

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-05T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/05/day-a-lesson-from-nature.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/03/day-its-feel-good-fridayadjust.html", "title": "Day 18: It’s Feel Good Friday...Adjust Your Dreams", "content_html": "\n
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There are two things you can bank on in this life...God and change.
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Many years ago, in a life long gone, I was a DJ on public radio. I had my own show and played an eclectic mix of music the likes of which could only fly on a station like KDNK. I playEd Bach and Steve Winwood. Patsy Cline and Fleetwood Mac. I threw new stuff in there as well as jazz and country and R&B. Whatever struck my fancy, I played it. It was great fun.

\n\n\n

One of the artists I began to fancy was a singer-songwriter named Christine Lavin. Her music covered such a broad range of emotion, just like my radio show. Everything from eating Cold Pizza for Breakfast to the acknowledgement/encouragement of As Bad as it Gets to the raucous fun of What Was I Thinking? Christine’s music carried me though a particularly rough time in my life. My marriage was doing the slow burn before that brilliant crash that sent me away for a while.

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As we are beginning to gain a real understanding of the magnitude of what we are collectively facing in this pandemic, I have been turning inward to my memory banks. I’ve been looking for those tools in my toolbox that I used to help get me through the heartbreaks...first with divorce, then with the untimely death of Mr. Virgo.

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We all need more tools to help us cope. My faith brings me the most comfort. And I augment my faith with finding the goodness in the world and in the people within it. I have a friend in Costa Rica. Greg and I send pictures of fine art back and forth to each other and tell what it is about that particular piece that speaks to us on that day. Another friend and I send each other funny pictures and memes and videos to maintain a sense of connection with our similar humor.

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The last week or so, a song has swirled around in my mind. Just a snippet floating into and out of my consciousness. I remember hearing it during that dark time of sadness surrounding my second divorce. I felt defeated, abandoned, and decidedly “less than”. It was called “Adjust Your Dreams” and was attached to another song “Shining My Flashlight” during a live recording by none other than...Christine Lavin. 

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I’ve seen Christine a couple of times in concert. Small, intimate venues in which she sat at a table in the lobby before the show and painted my nails. (Just that act alone signals a simpler time when we didn’t think of catching or spreading some deadly disease through casual social contact.) I had a delightful conversation with her and enjoyed her shows immensely. A few years later, she and I communicated briefly when I was trying to organize a concert at the luxury resort Mr. Virgo and I worked at in Pagosa Springs. It didn’t work out and I was always bummed about that.

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Since “Adjust Your Dreams” was circling around my brain, I went on the prowl through Google and couldn’t find it anywhere. I really wanted to use that today for “Feel Good Friday”, so I sent Ms. Lavin a note through her website and asked if there might be a recording or video somewhere. She didn’t have a copy but put it out on her FB page and within minutes, the recording was in my inbox!

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We all have had dreams. Dreams of what we want our lives to be. Dreams of how we want things to work. We may even find our dreams come true and we are living them in the moment. Then something so unforeseen, so unthinkable, so utterly devastating comes along and takes our dreams away in little bites over a very short period of time and we find ourselves drifting. This is how the last few months have felt to me.

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Christine’s song...just a few verses, really...is uplifting. When we find ourselves in the midst of dashed dreams, we need to adjust our dreams and make new ones. We’re not quite there yet. Right now, it feels like we are essentially riding down some pretty rough Class VI whitewater... blindfolded. I know I am not alone in this. I know God is in control and is bigger than any of this and He does not change no matter what is going on in the world. And I also know, I’m not the only one feeling this way. We are all in the same boat.

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Here is Christine’s song she so generously shared with me. The last bit of the song is done with this really cool recording device where she sings different parts and it ends up sounding like a dozen voices. If you don’t know her music, do give her a listen. She is fun and upbeat and sometimes a bit irreverent and her music is good for what ails you. You can find her on FB and YouTube as well as her catalog on iTunes. I hope you enjoy it.

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Adjust Your Dreams - Shining My Flashlight on the Moon
by Christine Lavin
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❤️

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“\"For I the Lord do not change...”

\nMalachi 3:6 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-03T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/03/day-its-feel-good-fridayadjust.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/02/day-my-dressy-mask.html", "title": "Day 17: My “Dressy Mask”", "content_html": "\n
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“My new look...it ranks right up there with overgrown bangs and a barn coat!”
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Yesterday was filled with good news, but it got a slow start. Mr. FixIt had an appointment at 9:00 which means he woke me at 8:00. Which means I’d had a solid two hours of sleep. I just haven’t slept much at all since I started feeling bad. I’d lay there and wonder if it was coronavirus. I would surreptitiously take my temperature every hour on the hour. I could not turn my mind off.

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When I had trouble waking up, my sweet husband lovingly offered to let me sleep and he went off to his appointment by himself. They wouldn’t have let me in the room anyway so I couldn’t have been much help. I was asleep before he left the house.

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I had an appointment to follow up with this parathyroid issue and the scans they did. When I arrived, this time I had to tell the medical staff at the makeshift desk in the lobby that I’ve been having some symptoms that could possibly be attributed to coronavirus. This time I was ushered to a room with a young woman in full hazmat regalia and carefully questioned. The really good news is...the nurse practitioner is convinced my symptoms are a combinations of severe allergies and the parathyroid issues. I’m trusting she is right. Also, it does not appear to be cancer. However, I still have a parathyroid tumor that is causing hyperparathyroidism and that has to be addressed with an endocrinologist in June.

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I had to make a run to the pharmacy to pick up some meds. Yesterday was the first day I have gone out with a mask. Partly because I was concerned I could possibly make someone sick. Partly because I didn’t want to get sick from anyone else. As I stood in line at the pharmacy, a woman turned and asked where I got my mask.

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“I bought it last summer to mow the grass. I have asthma and I can easily end up with really bad bronchitis and have to be hospitalized for it, so now I wear an N95 mask. They came two to a package. I have one of them hanging on the riding mower to remind me to wear it. This one is my “dressy mask” for going out.”

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\"\"
“The all new Easter Mask for your spring ensemble!”
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She hesitated a moment then we both broke out laughing at the absurdity of a “dressy mask”. I told her it was soon to be all the rage. People will be adding glitter and sequins and ruffles before long. It made for a lighter moment in a scary situation. If you would have told either one of us last Thanksgiving that, before Easter, we would be walking around wearing masks and schools would be out and people would be working from home, if they were working at all....we would never have believed you.

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I honestly felt more comfortable being out in the mask. And, I could see why the medical experts are concerned that wearing a mask would give people a false sense of security and they wouldn’t take the other precautions as seriously. When I was in x-ray school, I had to learn about maintaining a sterile field. The average person doesn’t have a clue how to maintain that. It isn’t easy and is totally opposite of what we normally do in our daily living.

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The good news is, we are learning new skills. And we will continue to learn them because we are a resourceful species.

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The very best news is, Mr. FixIt has met with all the specialists he needed to see after his stroke in February and he has been given a clean bill of health. We are so very grateful to get another chance at this beautiful life.

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Oh, and today is Daughter #2’s birthday. She turns thirty today...a monumental time in a woman’s life. And, she’s doing it during a pandemic...on a day where it’s supposed to snow. This gal has been knocked down so many times by life and she keeps getting back up...time after time. It’s a heck of a way to ring in the Big 3-0, but “resilient” is her middle name. Happy Birthday, Moon Pie...I love you to the moon, eleventy-seventy-teen times and back!

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord...”

\nJeremiah 30:17 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-02T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/02/day-my-dressy-mask.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/01/day-is-it-allergiesor-is.html", "title": "Day 16: Is it Allergies...or is it Covid?", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
An old church a few miles from the farm is a reminder of days gone by.
\n\n\n

I can tell you what’s going on outside without even looking. If my head throbs and my throat is scratchy and I’m sneezing my head off, it’s sunny and warm with a breeze. Every January, I try to remember to start using my nasal steroids to ward off my seasonal allergies and it never fails...March comes and I smack my forehead. If I start early enough, it’s always so much better, but I seldom remember.

\n\n\n

So, Sunday afternoon when I got home from the farm and jumped on the riding mower, I’d only had a few weeks worth of Flonase treatment on board. Even with that and an N95 mask, by nightfall my head was pounding, my eyes were itchy, my throat was scratchy, and I was coughing.

\n\n\n

I laid in bed for most of the night wondering if I had coronavirus. I took my temperature every hour on the hour. I thought back to everywhere I’ve been in the past 6-8 weeks. I counted the number of times I washed my hands. Did I touch my face? Did I forget to use a paper towel to open that door? Is that stomach ache from the spaghetti sauce or am I coming down with something?

\n\n\n

This is the kind of thinking that will drive you crazy. It does absolutely no good to worry myself, and Mr. FixIt, to death about it. I’ll continue to monitor my symptoms but I know it most certainly is the same allergy symptoms I’ve experienced every spring for years.

\n\n\n

I was thinking about something the other day. There is a very real comparison to what I’m feeling now and what I felt in the aftermath of Mr. Virgo’s death. Not nearly to the same degree...but eerily similar. I was all set to accomplish great things with this newfound “stay-at-home” order. I thought this would be a period of intense productivity. We’d get this bathroom finished then start the next one. We would strip the wallpaper in the dining room and start going through the closets and the basement. Then we would tackle the building out back. Oh, yes...I had big plans.

\n\n\n

Instead, I’ve done very little. I’ve kept us fed. I’ve taken care of the things that need taken care of to survive day to day. I’ve written my blog and kept in touch with my people. I spend a great deal of time doing nothing more than resting with Mr. FixIt. We’ve been watching West Wing and it’s been fun introducing him to that. He never watched it when it was on the air.

\n\n\n

I was feeling like I should be doing more. Then I remembered what my grief was like seven years ago. It was a lot like this. Not in intensity, to be sure. But the same malaise is there. The same uncertainty. The same unsettled undercurrent of sadness and longing. The thread of fear that I keep at bay with my trust in Jesus. This is the initial phase of a grief we all are feeling to one degree or another. We are letting it settle in.

\n\n\n

It’s ok that we don’t get a lot done right now. As we adjust, we’ll get more energy and be able to accomplish more. I learned this from before. Until then, self care is a good thing. We aren’t going anywhere...not for a while, anyway. We’ll get through this. I learned that, too.

\n\n\n

Today is traditionally April Fools Day. Instead of foolishness, lets make it a day filled with kindness.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

\nPhilippians 4:6-7 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/01/day-is-it-allergiesor-is.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Prayer","Wisdom","Warning","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/26/day-remember-the-good-ol.html", "title": "Day 10: Remember the Good Ol’ Days?", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
A kitchen from long, long ago. Could you live like this again if you had to? Who will teach the skills to the younger generations who may want to learn them? I don’t see us returning to these times, per se. but we could sure stand to live a little less frenetically and lot more self-sufficiently.
\n\n\n

When someone says “Remember the good ol’ days?” now, they could just as easily be referring to last month than 100 years ago. Remember when we could go out to the movies? Remember when we could eat at restaurants? I love reminiscing and looking at old photos like this one. It reminds me of what they called “a simpler time”. But was it, really?

\n\n\n

Look at this kitchen. That stove didn’t get started with the turn of a knob. Someone had to cut, haul, and chop wood. They had to split kindling and stack it all near the back door. This was done every day or you ate cold food. With those boots under the stove, I’d say there are some hard working men and boys in that house and they eat a ton of food. That woman is cooking three squares and baking all her own bread and biscuits. She had to tend a garden, preserve the food, store it properly. Hopefully there are a couple of other young girls around to help with the washing and cleaning and all the other jobs on the farm.

\n\n\n

I believe that is the family “washing machine” the woman is using. This must have been an incredible convenience item to relieve her of scrubbing heavy wet work clothes on a washboard. The water had to be toted from the well, stream, cistern, or spring. It had to be heated in large pots on that stove. She had to save up the ash from the wood stove to make lye. She also saved the lard from butchering and rendered it for use in baking, cooking, and making assorted salves and soaps.

\n\n\n

That woman was the family doctor. She gathered herbs and medicinal plants, using knowledge handed down from generation to generation. She may have been the only midwife in a twenty mile radius. She milked the dairy cow out behind the barn...twice a day...and raised the cream to churn butter. Her sewing rocker is in the kitchen. Here is where she read her bible as the biscuits rose. She sewed and mended her family’s clothing to conserve them for longer wear. When they couldn’t be mended anymore, she cut them up and sewed the pieces together to make quilts.

\n\n\n

There wasn’t a lot of socializing in this day and age. There might be women who gathered for a quilting bee or to throw a wedding or a funeral. A woman valued those precious moments she shared with other women. The children were sent out of the house after breakfast and they came home at supper time. They walked to church and the one room schoolhouse down the road....maybe miles away. Or, if they were really lucky, they might have a horse or two...or maybe even a wagon for when they needed to make longer trips.

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I show pictures like this to my grandkids and they just stare at it like it’s an alien planet. I was looking at the woman in the picture. My first thought was, this is the grandma. And, it could be. But I wouldn’t doubt it a bit if that’s the mom. All that hard work and all those babies made the womenfolk age well beyond their years.

\n\n\n

I would never call this “a simpler time” in regard to the work that was put in on a daily basis. Yet, compared to the manic hustle most people live with today, I would say it is simpler in many ways. I had to smile the other day. Daughter #2, who showed very little interest in learning anything “old timey” when she was growing up called to say this pandemic has made her think about her life and how she’s living it. She wants to raise a garden. She would like to learn how to be more self-sufficient. Her mama is SO excited by this!!! I sent her pictures of the Encyclopedia of Country Living and the Ball Book of Food Preservation. This is a common ground I have longed to share with my kids.

\n\n\n

This pandemic is scary as heck. And it’s shaken many of us to the core. But, as I’ve been saying from the beginning, there will be gems in the flames of this. There will be great sadness, and there will also be great revolution. I hope we have awakened a sleeping giant.

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❤️

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\n

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

\nProverbs 16:9 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-26T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/26/day-remember-the-good-ol.html", "tags": ["Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Comfort","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/25/day-kindness-changes-everything.html", "title": "Day 9: Kindness Changes Everything", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Take a deep breath and be kind to each other.
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If there was ever a time to be kind, it is now. Under normal, everyday circumstances the emotional climate would be highly individualized. These people happy, these people sad. These people stressed, these people relaxed. There would be clusters of people sharing the same emotions surrounding a particular event like a wedding, a death, a concert, a family gathering. Never in our lifetime has there been such a global group of people sharing the same emotional event at the same time. For those of us who can easily pick up on the vibes of others, this feels like having your brain in a frying pan set on high. Those of us who have gone through it know this feeling. It has a name. Grief.

\n\n\n

Needless to say, everyone is living with a heightened set of emotions. We are all experiencing grief in a collective way. Whether you are fearful, anxious, filled with dread. Or resolved, determined, keeping calm and carrying on. All of these states of being are emotionally taxing and make burnout a very real possibility. This elevation of being can make us respond and relate in ways that are totally unexpected and unlike the person we really are.

\n\n\n

That’s why we saw people getting in fights over toilet paper last week. It was crazy to us...but it was perfectly rational to those people who were in the moment. I think we all need to step back  and breathe a little. Do a little meditation. Do a little yoga. Say a little prayer. Light a candle. Take a bubble bath. Drink a nice cup of tea. Go for a walk. I know I’m being repetitive here and I’ve said these things before, but I can’t reiterate enough how important it is to practice self care when you grieve.

\n\n\n

If we burn ourselves out now, we aren’t going to have the energy to fight anything that’s coming our way. We need to be our healthiest selves. We need to focus on eating good, immune boosting foods. We need to avoid lots of empty calories like sugar and alcohol. We need to resist the temptation to zone out till it all passes over...immersed in junk TV and junkier food.

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Above all, we need to practice kindness...to each other, and to ourselves. Kindness goes a long way toward soothing ragged nerves. West Virginia’s numbers doubled yesterday. And there’s a case in Wood County now, so it’s here. My stepson calls us every day to check in. He’ll pick up whatever we need and bring it out to us. We have two medical appointments...one tomorrow, one Thursday...and then we are home for a solid week. We are taking every precaution.

\n\n\n

I find I’m not accomplishing what I thought I would do. I have yet to start stripping the wallpaper in the dining room. I haven’t started sorting through papers or getting rid of junk. I’ve been binge-watching West Wing with Mr. FixIt and staying to maintain social distance from the refrigerator. I resisted baking again today, but we have some rapidly browning bananas so I’m going to be forced to do something with them because I don’t want them to go to waste.

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Here’s your helpful hint for today:

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Just because the IRS has postponed the filing date to July 15th for federal taxes does not necessarily mean your state has followed suit. As a matter of fact, there are very few states that have. As of this writing, West Virginia has maintained April 15th. Since we have to file state, we might as well file federal at the same time. It’s my goal to get that done next week.

\n\n\n

Here is a link to TurboTax with an explanation.

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Hang in there, dear ones. It’s about to get bumpy...but we can get through this. Whatever your faith or inclination...be it prayer or good thoughts or positive energy...keep sending it. We need all the help we can get!

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❤️

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\n

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”

\nRomans 12:12 ESV\n
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#Hope, #Trials, #COVID19

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/25/day-kindness-changes-everything.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/24/day-this-little-piggy-stayed.html", "title": "Day 8: This Little Piggy Stayed Home", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Be like this little piggy and stay home!
\n\n\n

We had to go out again yesterday...this time to a doctor visit. The news was good...Mr. FixIt has a heart! And it’s in pretty good shape for a guy his age. After Losing Mr. Virgo to a sudden heart attack, and then Mr. FixIt had the stroke...I pretty much insisted they do a cardiac work up. We are breathing an even bigger sigh of relief over here.

\n\n\n

The governor of West Virginia ordered us to “stay-at-home” beginning this evening. Except for the doctor, the emergency room, the grocery or pharmacy, gas stations, construction stores...you know, all the places we normally gone anyway. He even said it was fine to go to the state parks and go fishing! Other than restaurants, not much has changed as far as where we are allowed to go. What HAS changed is the going. 

\n\n\n

I was thinking about this yesterday. What is it about being told to do something, like stay at home, and the only thing in the whole wide world you want to do is NOT stay at home. BUT...have a busy week of running errands and having appointments and the only thing you want is to just have a day at home with no trips to town. It’s crazy. It’s like being told to take a nap as a toddler. Now I’d give up a lot just to take a nap!

\n\n\n

Governors are resorting to this extra measure because just telling people to stay home wasn’t working. Because there’s an inordinate amount of people who think rules don’t apply to them. They are merely suggestions...more like guidelines, really. They say you can get a ticket if you’re out and about but I ask you, what good would that do when all you have to say is -I’m going to the grocery store-?

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Daughter #2 is an anxious sort. She is so much like her mama in so many ways. I wish I could have given my kids anything but anxiety and depression. It is what it is. She called last evening and I recognized that quivering “I’m fine” tone of voice. So, I talked her down off the ledge and she felt stronger and more in control by the time we rang off. We talked about everything...from ways to conserve toilet paper to what was the name of that book you were telling me about. 

\n\n\n

We talked about making plans and writing them down. What do you want to accomplish this week? This month? Six months? A year? She wants to be more self-sufficient so she doesn’t have to worry so much. Good. Check with the City of Denver...can you have chickens? Look for used pallets you can turn into a chicken coop. You want a garden? Great! Start planting seeds in peat pots so you’ll have seedlings to plant when the weather warms up. Mark out where you want a garden and get your exercise spading it up.

\n\n\n

We have to be proactive regarding our mental health during crises such as this. Just because we need to stay at home doesn’t mean we need to stay inside 24/7. Even if you only walk around your house or your building or down your block and back, getting some fresh air in the middle of the day does wonders for your spirits. Build a routine. Set your clock for mental health breaks. Drink a cup of soothing herbal tea. Play some music and sing along. Take a bubble bath. Draw a picture. If you sew, look up how to make masks for people since there is a critical shortage. 

\n\n\n

You might want to practice a little social distancing from your refrigerator. Packing on a few pounds during this quarantine won’t help your health and you certainly won’t feel better. Try on a pair of jeans every few days to make sure they fit. As my dear friend Deneene says, sweats or pajama pants will trick you into believing all is well in the kingdom. I was going to make an apple pie last night, but then I decided not to. We had already had two pies in the last ten days. I’ve been losing weight and I don’t want to put it back on. We can have treats...just once or twice a week, not every day.

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Humans are a resourceful lot. We can figure out other ways to do things. We can make something out of nothing. We can recycle, reuse, repurpose just about anything. We’ve become pretty complacent in this life. I know I have. But, my years of reading Mother Earth News and the Encyclopedia of Country Living have been preparing me for a moment such as this. Some of us may not get through this. Those of us that do must take it upon themselves to apply the lessons learned so that we might not be caught so flat-footed next time. When I meditated on this last night, a thought came to me.

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My friend Uma Girish was preparing to facilitate a group call when she asked her inner guidance what she should share. This is what she received:

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“The virus is not the enemy. The virus is The Messenger.”

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Yes...the virus can be horrifying. Yes...people can and will die. But it brings us a message...loud and clear. 

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Raise your head and look beyond where you stand so you might better prepare for what is coming.

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Remember what is really important in this life. 

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Look at what we are doing to our world...to the environment. We are slowly killing it and now...it is rapidly attacking us.

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For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Cause and effect. I don’t think it’s too late, but we’re going to have to make some big changes and we all know...while change is good, it is not always easy. Change, we must. We have no other choice now.

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Maybe God’s just putting us in a time out so we can think about what we have done to the garden He gave us.

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❤️

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\n

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

\nPhilippians 2:4 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/24/day-this-little-piggy-stayed.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/23/day-creative-social-distancing.html", "title": "Day 7: Creative Social Distancing", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
The flowering quince and forsythia are blooming outside our bedroom window. Mother Nature once again demonstrates life comes back.
\n\n\n

Ok, we have been practicing social distancing for a week now. Well, actually...it’s been a month since Mr. FixIt’s stroke and we haven’t spent more than a couple of hours apart in that entire time. That’s ok...I am happy to be here for my sweetheart and take care of him to the best of my ability. I love him to the moon and back. AND...we get very close to standing on each other’s last nerve sometimes. Perfectly normal under normal circumstances. These are anything BUT normal circumstances!

\n\n\n

We still have lots of doctor appointments and are considering our options as far as postponing. Some we may, some we really should not. However, we may have our dilemma decided for us if the offices call and cancel themselves. In the meantime, I’m going to get outside this week and clean out the camper so that I will have my little sanctuary to escape to. Also, if my Colorado girls have to bug out and come someplace safe where they can live off the land and be self sufficient, we may need the camper as alternative housing during this social isolation. We’re just keeping our options open.

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This has truly been the weirdest week of my life...of all of our lives, I imagine. It’s like waking up in a George Orwell novel. I’ve been collecting little nuggets of wisdom.

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Use plastic grocery sacks or doggy poop bags as “gloves” for opening door handles, handling money, and pumping gas leaving gloves for healthcare workers. 

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Try to avoid buying up the WIC items when shopping so that moms on WIC don’t have to go home empty handed. They cannot use their WIC coupons for anything but WIC items. Maybe they’ll change that temporarily, I don’t know.

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Sing the Doxology as you wash your hands...it’s 20 seconds and you’ve praised God at the same time.

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Have “the talk” with your loved ones about what you would want done should the unthinkable happen. It is not morbid...it is an act of love. Tell three people, and tell them who the other two are and that they should communicate in the event you become seriously ill.

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Spend this time organizing your papers. Write things down...passwords, account numbers, important information. Write letters to your loved ones and stick them in a desk drawer.

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I’ll write more as I think of them or run across hints that are helpful. In the meantime, Mother Nature is showing us that life does return. It is a promise.

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Today’s Question:

\n\n\n

Are you eating comfort food or trying to maintain a healthy diet?

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.\"”

\nJohn 16:33 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/23/day-creative-social-distancing.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/22/day-seeking-comfort-in-an.html", "title": "Day 6: Seeking Comfort in an Uncomfortable Time", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Oatmeal is definitely a comfort food that’s good for you!
\n\n\n

Mr. FixIt and I have a kind of rhythm. While I do most of the meal prep, we seem to take turns making breakfast. I’m the eggs and pancakes gal. He’s the maker of oats. Ohhhh, he makes the BEST oatmeal. We only use old fashioned rolled oats by Quaker. I like some chewy in my oats...not wallpaper paste. He uses a lite version of brown sugar that either has Splenda or Stevia in it...I can’t remember. He adds some cinnamon. Then, when we dish it up, we add whatever berries we have handy and a small handful of crushed pecans or walnuts. His gets a splash of 2% milk...mine gets a little bit of Half & Half. Perfection!

\n\n\n

Comfort food is a go to when times are stressful. Currently we are eating our way through that blackberry pie I baked Friday night. We had pizza for dinner. We cannot do that all the time...but at the end of a long week that lasted a year, we deserved an indulgence. Without guilt.

\n\n\n

We went to town yesterday to top off the gas tank on one of the trucks and to fill all our gas cans. West Virginia now has twelve confirmed cases of coronavirus...the nearest is one county over. Our governor came on last night to urge us to take action right now and ALL of us stay home. So many people aren’t taking this seriously and they only need to see Washington, New York, and Italy to see what can happen if you are not proactive.

\n\n\n

One of the problems in rural areas is a general distrust of government. “Revenuers” were busting up stills in these hills long before I was born. Mountaineers are fiercely independent and don’t cotton to people telling them what to do. The fella who stopped to help get the tire off the truck the other day was a perfect example. I told him I’d shake his hand but I couldn’t because of social distancing and he rattled off a profanity laced diatribe about not being worried about any virus coming to get him. We just shook our heads as he drove off with his 24 pack of Bud.

\n\n\n

We’ve decided to binge watch West Wing during our TV time instead of watching the news. I watch West Wing every election year. It’s comforting to know how it’s going to turn out. I love the cast and characters. And in the entire series, there was only one episode I don’t care to watch. That’s the one where the characters are being filmed as a documentary. I skip that one every time and I’ve binge watched the entire series at least 5 times.

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Today’s Question:

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What are you doing to combat boredom?

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Be safe, dear ones.

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”

\n1 John 3:17-18 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-22T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/22/day-seeking-comfort-in-an.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","West Virginia","Comfort","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/21/day-five-love-in-the.html", "title": "Day Five: Love in the Time of CoVid", "content_html": "\n
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Blackberry pie...sunshine in a slice!
\n\n\n

Thankfully we didn’t need to venture to town yesterday. Instead, we took a drive over to the farm to check in. Oh...what an amazingly warm day it was. I actually saw the thermometer at 79! All was well at the home place. The daffodils are blooming as are the forsythia and the flowering quince. The irises are shooting their flat, sword-like blades out from the wet, awakening earth. As you drive out through the country, the bushes along the roadsides are gaining a green, ghostly hue as the leaves begin to form.

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This is rockslide season and we saw evidence of several...one was actually encroaching on the road. The highway crew hadn’t gotten to it yet. It is supposed to get chilly again this weekend and then I wouldn’t be surprised if we stay in the high 50’s, low 60’s for a while. I don’t think there’s much of a chance of having another freeze this spring.

\n\n\n

Speaking of spring, with all the madness going on in the world, I totally missed the first day of spring! It’s here...even though it is highly overshadowed this time.

\n\n\n

I read something yesterday that someone shared. It was a letter to the humans from the vantage point of the CoVid-19 virus. It spoke of how we haven’t been paying attention. We have been so busy chasing after stuff and working to achieve a lifestyle that is unsustainable, that finally the earth broke. There were horrific wildfires and we looked on with morbid curiosity and counted our blessings it wasn’t us. There were deadly hurricanes and we sighed and looked on with a tinge of sadness at the devastation. Then our attention shifted elsewhere and the thoughts and prayers were replaced with the next thing in the news cycle.

\n\n\n

We as a people are so self-centered. We look out for number one. Maybe, just maybe this virus swooped in to get our attention...to wake us up to the devastation around us. To how unhealthy the world has become. And if the world is unhealthy, WE are unhealthy.

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I saw a picture of a mega freeway in Los Angeles. There were eight cars on it. I think someone said it hadn’t seen that little traffic since the Watts Riots of 1965. I commented that maybe Mother Earth is going to be able to catch her breath. Maybe the skies will clear. Maybe the sun will shine a little brighter. Maybe the waters will freshen a little. Maybe the pH in the rain will normalize and the fish will flourish.

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Maybe the quiet stillness will give us time to stop the frenetic pace we have set for ourselves and we can really connect with our family members...even if it’s through a window or over the phone or FaceTime. I’ve already noticed more caring for each other. Children are checking in with their parents to see how they’re doing. They are offering to run errands or go to the store. Strangers are helping strangers. 

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This is a time like no other we have faced. But, our grandparents and great grandparents were called to war. They were bombed and food was rationed. They grew victory gardens and knitted socks for troops. All we are being asked to do is stay home. While the threat of the disease itself is terribly disconcerting, we can do things to help prevent the spread.

\n\n\n

I’ve heard the youngsters say, “Ah, it’s not going to affect me. It’s just the Boomers.” Well, first of all, no. It’s not just the Boomers. They are finding people much younger than they first thought are getting sick and some seriously. And...who do you think those Boomers (and the generation or so after them) are? They are the doctors, scientists, financial wizards, farmers...the experts. The ones who hold the keys to a great deal of knowledge. Those who say they’re “just Boomers” had better learn a whole lot pretty darned quickly.

\n\n\n

I’m having nightmares. I rarely remember dreams, but I’m having dreams of death and dying. Too much news. Too much information. I had to step back and stop watching as much of it. I have to limit myself to a half hour of news a day. Just to stay up to speed with any breaking news. To counteract the bombardment of bad news, I’m putting in twice as much good.

\n\n\n

Yesterday, I baked a pie. I went to the farm and sat in my grandma’s chair. I did an hour of meditation/yoga on Facebook Live with my dear Earth Mother yogi friend, Sue in Colorado. I snuggled the kitty. I walked around our property with Mr. FixIt. I made BBQ pulled pork sandwiches for supper and pie for dessert. And I spent time studying my bible devotionals. It was a good day...even though the virus is creeping closer.

\n\n\n

My God is bigger than any virus. He’s bigger than any of my stuff. When I remember who’s in charge here and how this story ends, even if I caught the virus and went to Heaven...I win. Because HE won...and I put my faith in HIM. 

\n\n\n

I will not be afraid.

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I will not be afraid.

\n\n\n

I will not be afraid.

\n\n\n

You can watch my friend Sue’s movement meditation video here.

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”

\nPsalms 19:14 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-21T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/21/day-five-love-in-the.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/18/keeping-our-distance-day.html", "title": "Keeping our Distance: Day 2", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
This is a time to look out for one another.
\n\n\n

Honestly, our life here at The Ponderosa BCV (before Coronavirus) and ACV (after Coronavirus) isn’t that much different. That’s mainly because we are retired. I think we are affected more by Mr. FixIt’s continued recovery from his stroke than we are the global pandemic. We have been taking turns making breakfast. (He makes the BEST oats!)

\n\n\n

Up until late afternoon, West Virginia was official the only state without a confirmed case of COVID-19. Governor Justice announce there has been on confirmed case over in the Eastern Panhandle. However, I have a friend from high school...a retired nurse. She says her son and daughter-in-law tested positive last week in Morgantown and it was never reported. So, who knows what’s really going on.

\n\n\n

West Virginia runs 50th in so many things, it looks like we are running 50th in the number of tests being performed as well. You know it has to be here. All we can to is practice good hygiene and social distancing. 

\n\n\n

The garage called today and my truck was ready so we went to pick it up. While it took the guy a week-and-a-half to finish, it cost a third of what it would have at the dealership. 

\n\n\n

We watched the news together, but only to hear if there are more directives. I baked a pie with some blackberries from the freezer and made a casserole of pork roast, veggies and noodles. We are determined to eat through all the fresh stuff before it goes bad so we don’t waste a thing. 

\n\n\n

After dessert, I excused myself to write my post. I sat and thought about what we should talk about tonight. Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. Mr. Virgo loved St. Patrick’s Day. Just about every year, I had to go buy green food coloring at the last minute so the bar could serve green beer. These memories make me smile. However, Mr. Virgo was buried the day before St. Patrick’s Day. And that always makes me think. 

\n\n\n

He warned me before he died that bad things were going to start happening in this country. Things with politics, finances, and health. He said it felt like a rubber band was drawing too tight or like a balloon being overfilled. I don’t know if he had a premonition, or if it was just his love of history and world events that spurred him, but he was constantly telling me to be prepared.

\n\n\n

I wanted to believe him, but it seemed so fantastical at the time. Still, his warnings have never left me and I do find myself more prepared than I might have been before. I have friends who have lost spouses in the last year....two in the last week. When I think back over the months after losing Mr. Virgo...it was so terribly difficult to cope. And that was in a stable world. I cannot imagine what these people are going through without their person. To try to navigate this AND actively grieve is an unbearable thought. 

\n\n\n

It doesn’t just take a death to trigger grief. You may be grieving the loss of security the COVID-19 virus is bringing to our lives. When things happen beyond our control, it can trigger grief reactions and PTSD. When I begin to feel frightened, I change my focus back to God and remind myself...no matter what happens here, He will never leave me. Even with that, I walk around with a little knot in the pit of my stomach. I take all the unknowns that I have no control over and put them in the God box and set outside the front door.

\n\n\n

All in all, we are doing just fine. We’re just taking it one day at a time.

\n\n\n

So, how are things with you in your world. Are you feeling ok? What are you doing with your time? How have things changed for you in the last couple of weeks? Let me hear from you...tell me how you're doing.

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/18/keeping-our-distance-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/17/how-a-national-emergency-has.html", "title": "How a National Emergency has Changed our Lives", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
May we never take things for granted.
\n\n\n

Day One:

\n\n\n

Slept in.

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Read Bible Study, E-mails, FB, and checked blog.

\n\n\n

Checked the weather and news online.

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Had coffee and breakfast with Mr. FixIt.

\n\n\n

Watched two game shows.

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Ran to town to get milk & stuff for burgers for dinner. (Hardly anyone in the store. Well stocked.)

\n\n\n

Drove to mechanic to check on my truck and get my gun case to bring home.

\n\n\n

Got money out of ATM.

\n\n\n

Visited with granddaughter and greatgrands.

\n\n\n

Took the stitches out of the cat and let her run.

\n\n\n

Ate a snack.

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Took a nap.

\n\n\n

Fixed supper.

\n\n\n

Watched The Voice.

\n\n\n

Retired to bedroom to write blog.

\n\n\n

In other words...the national emergency didn’t change much of anything. Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t have visited with the kids, but they haven’t been anywhere but home because she’s a stay-at-home mom with two babies. At this point though...we have no plans for any kind of gathering...large or small.

\n\n\n

After much discussion, we decided to cancel Girl Camper Camper College this weekend. None of us wanted to, but it was the prudent thing to do. We will gather later when things settle back down.

\n\n\n

My shout out today is to the grocery store workers. When there were crazed crowds fighting over bundles of toilet paper, the workers kept their cool and plugged right along. Even when they were being yelled at for something that is FAR above their pay grade. I’ve seen videos of people fighting over toilet paper and seen customers screaming at grocery clerks and telling them they hope they die from coronavirus.

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Here’s something I have learned from years of therapy. There is a very fine line between anger and fear. People jump into herd mentality, their fear begins to amp, they fight for what they perceive they need...in this case toilet paper. Their reptilian brain is telling them they have to be the alpha dog if they’re going to survive. So they grab the rolls of TP from the little old lady and shove it in their already over-filled cart. Angry. Spit flying. Over toilet paper. 

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That kind of anger comes from fear. I’ve seen it over and over in my time. Fear comes from being out of control and ill prepared.

\n\n\n

I talked to the kids yesterday. I shared what a wonderful opportunity this is to do something amazing that can change the world. This couldn’t have come at a better time. We were beginning to forget what it was really like to be a good human.

\n\n\n

Let’s do that...let’s be good humans.

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And remember how sweet it feels when we get to do that first thing we didn’t get to do for a while. 

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May we learn to appreciate what we have.

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching.”

\n1 Timothy 5:17 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/17/how-a-national-emergency-has.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Anger","Forgiveness","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/14/stroke-of-luck-or-gift.html", "title": "Stroke of Luck or Gift From Above?", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
I don’t believe it’s a “stroke of luck”. I believe it is a gift from above.
\n\n\n

As I sat in bed the other night with my little lap desk and my iPad typing this, I had the windows open. At 9:00pm it was still in the mid-60’s and the peepers were calling from the ditch by the road that borders our property. The house was quiet...my husband was off bowling with his buddies. On his own. We have slowly increased his independence and he’s started driving a little. It is a great relief for him to return to some normalcy. It is a great relief to me that he can.

\n\n\n

I saw this meme the other day, and as is my wont, saved it for a future post. I am always looking for something that triggers a good story. This one reminds me of a prayer I prayed fervently for three years after Hubby #2 and I split up. That was such a convoluted mess. There were so many factors that went into the way that whole thing came down. Long term depression. An over abundance of far-too-available medications. A psychiatrist who was a really nice guy, but not a great doctor. Two people who were emotionally unavailable for vastly different reasons. Like I said, it was a mess.

\n\n\n

When we finally extricated ourselves from this dreadful dance and got some distance, I went on a crusade to “win him back...no matter what it took.” Let’s just say, that was not the healthiest decision I ever made but it was what I desperately wanted at the time. I prayed this prayer every day.

\n\n\n

“God, please! Fix my family!”

\n\n\n

Over and over I prayed these five words. I’d get hopeful, then my hopes were dashed. Finally, after three-and-a-half years...I let go and moved on. It was a slow and arduous process and not one without pratfalls. But eventually I found my balance and began to love myself and my life. Then Mr. Virgo came along.

\n\n\n

And, just like that it seemed...he was gone.

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His untimely and sudden death drew my closest family and friends around me to offer solace and comfort. I remember gathering for a family celebration and Hubby #2 was there with his wife. We were alone in the kitchen. I think we were having tea. 

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“Isn’t it a shame that it took the death of your husband to heal our family?”

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I was stunned and at a loss for words. In that moment, it occurred to me...God answered that fervent prayer perfectly. He did it His way...in HIS time. It wasn’t at all how I thought I wanted it at the time I prayed that prayer. But it turned out exactly how it was meant to be.

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I don’t believe in “luck”. I believe in God winks...moments when it is (or becomes) clear there is divine intervention involved in the circumstances of our lives. Honestly, if I had continued in the direction I was heading and stayed with Hubby #2, I am positive you and I wouldn’t be sitting here together today. You would be reading someone else’s words and I’d be pushing up daisies. 

\n\n\n

As it turns out, I was not meant to be in that marriage anymore. I was meant to run across Mr. Virgo and have that time with him to grow more...into who I was born to be. I cannot say I was meant to lose him. I can say it was his time to go. There is nothing good in that kind of loss. But I would be lying if I didn’t say there were gems in those flames. Flashes of insight. Inspiration and the courage to write. I developed a much closer relationship with God. And Mr. FixIt and I crossed paths again.

\n\n\n

Life is a funny thing. We are brought here for a specific purpose...each with his or her own special gifts. I am convinced my purpose in life is to use my writing to help others and lift them up. I believe our primary purpose here as humans is to learn to love like Jesus does. The tapestry that is created from all the colorful threads of life is a wonder to behold. Looking back at it from the far side is a marvel to my eyes. I hope that, when I am gone, these hundreds of thousands of words I have written will still be of some comfort to others...to my family, to my friends, and to those who walk through fire in this life and come out the other side, forged by the flames into something powerful and glorious. And, if not glorious...then at least left standing to carry on another day.

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❤️

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\n

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”

\nIsaiah 43:2 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/14/stroke-of-luck-or-gift.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/06/its-feel-good-fridaylets-get.html", "title": "It’s “Feel Good Friday”...Let’s Get Moving!", "content_html": "\n
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When your body hurts and you don’t know why, keep asking till you get the answers.
\n\n\n

Three years ago, I went on a health improvement journey. I did great! I lost forty-five pounds or so. I got lean and strong and fit. I was eating clean and green. I could walk a flight of 176 stairs nine times without huffing and puffing. Mr. FixIt and I started dating. I did really well the first year keeping up with my diet and exercise. Then, winter set in, I started knitting full time, and my dear friend Janine said, “Write your book! You can knit at the book signings!”

\n\n\n

That motivated me to sequester myself and write like crazy. The byproduct, besides a nearly finished book was...a bigger behind from sitting and writing and eating. Those of you who know the yo-yo diet sequence understand how hard it is to jump back on the bandwagon when you’ve fallen off hard. I was feeling defeated and discouraged but I didn’t have much time to sit and cry about it. 2019 was one of my busiest travel and writing years I’ve ever had.

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One of the side effects of letting your health take a back seat is, things sneak up on you on quiet stocking feet. They tiptoe in and sit down. You hardly notice they’re there till enough of them come and pretty soon, you’ve got a LOT of things going on. Mine started with a sharp pain in my left foot at the base of my middle toe. Gradually it moved on down toward the little toe. Then, it moved to my left calf muscle. It felt like I had torn the muscle in half. The next day it would be gone and my right foot would hurt. Eventually it was my left hip, then my right elbow, then back to the left foot. It was crazy!

\n\n\n

My doctor sent me to a podiatrist, but I didn’t go till after the big camping extravaganza was over. I had an MRI, x-rays, lab tests. Nothing. No one had answers and I stopped talking about it because I figured it must be in my head. When Mr. FixIt had his stroke a couple of weeks ago and my blood pressure shot up, I thought I should make an appointment with the nurse practitioner to get it checked. It had been twenty years since I had any trouble with BP and I just wanted to make sure it was just stress related and would go down...or need treatment.

\n\n\n

The nurse practitioner asked me what kind of stress I was experiencing. I told her about Mr. FixIt, and the busy travel year, and all the writing, and the pain. Her ears perked up. 

\n\n\n

“Pain? Where? How long have you had it?”

\n\n\n

I pooh-poohed the whole thing because, seriously, what could possibly cause pain that migrates everywhere on a daily basis. She insisted on the details so I told her, but I was still dismissive. She said there are indeed things that can cause just those symptoms and she ordered a whole barrage of blood tests. Sure enough, there are some things out of whack. We still have to do some more tests, but on a preliminary basis, it looks like something going on with my thyroid. I need an MRI and they’re sending me to an Endocrinologist...a doctor who specializes in the endocrine system.

\n\n\n

In the meantime, I’ve been back on track with my diet for the last three weeks. No sugar, no gluten, intermittent fasting, and pretty much whatever I want to eat. I’ve lost about eight pounds already. We are both eating much, much better and I am following 99Walks...the program app that Girl Camper has teamed up with. It’s a membership walking program with teams and goals and rewards. I’m also keeping a food log on MyFitnessPal...another app I use daily.

\n\n\n

While I was searching for a feel good story for today, I came across Joan MacDonald. Joan was 70 years old and 200 pounds. She looked like me...grey hair, tired eyes, sallow skin....in other words...unhealthy. Joan’s daughter is a fitness trainer and yogi and she begged her mom to take charge of her health and turn things around. I watched my own mother fail physically and refuse to change things. I won’t be that way. I have SO much to be here for...I’ll be darned if I’m going to go out prematurely...unnecessarily. 

\n\n\n

Joan has given me a big shot in the arm. This isn’t vanity...this is an emergency. This is “Get it together, kiddo! You’re failing here!” It’s time to get serious, stay serious, and be the best I can be. Because...today? Today is the youngest I will EVER be again! How many “todays” do I have left? Check out Joan’s story HERE. 

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Let’s get up and go, my friends! It’s not only “Feel Good Friday”...it’s also “Fitness Friday!”

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”

\n3 John 1:2 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/06/its-feel-good-fridaylets-get.html", "tags": ["Health","Positive Energy","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/05/shake-your-can.html", "title": "Shake Your Can", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Wake it up and shake it up and change this world for the better!
\n\n\n

Last Sunday, our Pastor delivered another wonderful message. This time he was talking about how we can get flat and stale in our faith after time. We can become complacent and go to church simply to be fed every week. We can get comfortable. We may think, “I’m saved...I’m good. I don’t need to _________ (fill in the blank...serve, share, invite, get involved). We can do that, of course. But, we could be so much more if we just shook things up.

\n\n\n

If we wake it up and shake it up, God’s light in us will be so much brighter when we carry it out in the world. And, heaven knows...this world needs all the light it can get! The Pastor used a great visual. He had a can of soda in his hand when he asked a woman from the front row to come forward.

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He showed the woman the can.

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“Are you afraid of this can?” 

\n\n\n

“No,” she said.

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He started shaking the can violently and poised to open it in front of her.

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“How about now?”

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The woman laughed and took a few steps back.

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“Yeah...I’m afraid of it now!”

\n\n\n

He made his point. The enemy doesn’t pay us much mind when we’re being complacent and doing enough to get by. He isn’t afraid of us. But shake us up and see what happens. That gets his attention because the last thing he wants is for us to be all up in it.

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You wanna make a difference in this world?

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Get up and shake your can!

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?”

\nHebrews 1:14 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/05/shake-your-can.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/29/when-you-know-its-time.html", "title": "When You Know It’s Time", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Being alone in the world and staring death in the face takes great courage.
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She grew up poor as a church mouse but didn’t know it. She took in every stray cat there was within a country mile. She fiercely protected her brother with the stutter and the lazy eye. She walked a mile to catch the bus for the 40 mile round trip to school. She got a college education because that’s what her parents insisted of all of their kids...poor or not.

\n\n\n

When she got her teaching degree, she moved to San Diego...alone. She worked in Cleveland when there were still separate drinking fountains that said “Colored” on them. She never understood why. She married a tall, handsome young man and they lived in Washington, DC. She worked in the first Head Start program. 

\n\n\n

She was bright, neatly dressed, incredibly vain about her weight. When her husband’s heart forced him to retire early, they bought his grandparent’s farm and she worked in the country school down the road. She never had children of her own. She said she had 30 new children every year...she didn’t need more.

\n\n\n

When her husband died unexpectedly in the middle of the night, she was stymied that she was so educated but had no idea how to perform CPR. And he was gone. In typical fashion, she pulled up her bootstraps and carried on. Two years later, she was having lunch at the country club when she caught the eye of the handsome man across the room. 

\n\n\n

She soon married the hospital administrator and settled over on his farm not too far away. He didn’t really want her to work. He liked having her around. He loved to fish in Canada in places you could only access by plane. He sold his cattle every year to pay for the charter that took them to remote lakes. She was disciplined and exacting and so in love with this tall, dark man.

\n\n\n

He found out his cancer was back in the spring of 1990. He wasn’t up for the fight again. He figured his number was up and he’d see how it played out. By August, he was gone. When you spoke to her about him, she would get wistful and her eyes would get misty. She said she wished she could have met him first. He was the love of her life. Once they buried him, she never went back.

\n\n\n

A few months later, she moved over to her mother’s farm to care for her and that same brother she had fought to protect when they were children. She was the kind of woman who was used to giving the orders. When she said jump, people jumped and asked how far on the way up. She wasn’t up for small talk. She was an incredibly hard worker. She once painted the entire country church...inside and out...by herself. Because there was a young couple getting married.

\n\n\n

Her mom passed and she stayed on to care for her brother till he, too, died peacefully in his sleep while she was upstairs reading. That one nearly broke her. She had been his champion. She had cared for everyone. And now, for the first time in her life, she was truly alone. She stayed in her mother’s home, living a simple frugal life. The weeks turned into years. She found herself staring down the abyss her life had become. Yet she didn’t move. Finally, it became apparent she was nearing that point she was going to need help herself.

\n\n\n

That’s where I come in. 

\n\n\n

She’s my aunt. The one I left Colorado to come help. She and I were oil and water. I knew that. But she had no children...no one to come help. And she had done so much for everyone, I felt an obligation to be there for her. For those of you who followed me at the time, you know how it went down. It was great for the first month. I worked hard on the farm...cutting and hauling brush, cleaning and fixing up the house. I did the laundry and shopping and cooking. Then winter set in.

\n\n\n

We are both strong, independent women. And it wasn’t long till we were standing on each other’s very last nerve. She unceremoniously invited me to leave at Christmas and that set me out on another couple of years on the road with my camper. While I was living at the farm, we had a talk one day about nursing homes. She said, when she felt it was time, she would just pack up her bag and go over to the Minnie Hamilton Clinic and sign herself in. I had to explain to her that wasn’t how it worked. You had to be on a waiting list.

\n\n\n

Three years ago, my aunt got so bad she couldn’t live alone anymore. Her brother came and took her home with him and I came off the road to live on the farm. My uncle was already taking care of his wife with dementia when my aunt began to slip into her own. His wife passed the day after Mr. FixIt and I got married. He has faithfully cared for his sister all this time, but it’s taking it’s toll and they had the talk.

\n\n\n

In a lucid moment, she agreed it was time to go. She has recently been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. She’s eighty-eight. Even though she loses herself more often, she still knew it was time.

\n\n\n

When she and I were doing that dance on the farm, we didn’t know she was slipping into dementia. I’ve never known someone in the early stages. It can look like something completely different. We had always butted heads. But she lost her filter and I took it personally. I learned a lot from that experience. I gained a level of empathy and an appreciation for the power of confusion.

\n\n\n

So, now she’s going to need to settle in. She did well the first night. The next morning the doctor woke her up and she attacked him with her walker. She’s a pistol alright. When they asked her if she wanted to be resuscitated, she got right up in their faces and said, “No way...I just want to waltz my way out of here all natural like.” 

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I have no doubt she will.

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.””

\nJames 4:14-15 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-29T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/29/when-you-know-its-time.html", "tags": ["Anger","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/25/uncharted-territory.html", "title": "Uncharted Territory", "content_html": "\n
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I often awaken to his hand on my shoulder. I covet this moment.
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There is nothing like a health scare to shake you up....wake you up. After losing Mr. Virgo the way I did, my fear level Friday night isn’t surprising. But, now we’re here...we’re home...we’re processing. We’re walking on eggshells a little bit...feeling our way out on the ice to make sure it’s solid beneath us.

\n\n\n

I’m trying not to be hyper-vigilant. Mr. FixIt is trying not to worry me. We both slept the deep sleep of exhaustion and relief on Sunday night. We had a very laid back day yesterday. We didn’t even get out of our jammies. We ate and slept and watched movies. We smiled and kissed and hugged a lot...because we can.

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We’ll keep a low profile for another day or so. But then, it’s back in the saddle...albeit at a bit more slower pace. Look...we both have health issues. We aren’t 37 anymore. Waking up to that...getting our heads out of the sand...is important. It reminds us to be present in each moment. We don’t have the time to waste anymore. 

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Yes, we’re a little sad. And, we’re more than a little scared. But...we can’t walk on eggshells forever. We can’t stop living. We just have to be watchful and live our best lives. So, we made follow up appointments. And we looked at vacation rentals to extend our April beach trip by an extra week. Leaving him and going off on solo adventures might take me a while to get comfortable with. We’ll just have to see.

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Like I said...it’s uncharted territory. Deeper conversations will come as to how we will navigate it. But for now, we are just resting easy and feeling ever so grateful that this wasn’t any worse. Mr. FixIt felt much better yesterday. Thank you all so much for your kind words of love and support and, of course, for your many heartfelt prayers. We appreciate them so much!

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❤️

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“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

\nPsalms 118:24 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-25T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/25/uncharted-territory.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Gratitude","Love","God","Aging","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/18/selfcare-sunshine.html", "title": "Self-Care \u0026 Sunshine", "content_html": "\n
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So, I just took down my tree and February is nearly over. Don’t judge! lol
\n\n\n

I’ve noticed something about the last two winters. Last year, after spending the month of January knitting every day, I sequestered myself in Big TOW-Wanda for the entire month of February writing my book. I noticed two things. First, the winter seemed to fly by because of my immersion in writing...and in spending so much time in my happy place. The second thing I noticed was an uptick in my social anxieties when travel season started. Getting out and doing things led to that old uncomfortable fear I’ve felt all my life when I have to go out into crowds of people and fulfill the expectations of others. It took a few months to desensitize myself from the isolation of being such a homebody all winter.

\n\n\n

This winter has been drastically different. I never stopped running all year. I was gone four months, I drove everywhere, I traveled to thirteen states, my daughter got married, I started a new position with Girl Camper opening a new OH/WV Chapter as well as a page on their website, I was the brand ambassador for the charity raffle trailer, and we got two new great grandbabies. Honest to goodness...I haven’t had time to breathe and I certainly wasn’t socially isolated this year. Therefore, I am not feeling those old familiar rushes of anxiety when I face certain social situations. I think I’m onto something here.

\n\n\n

I’m beginning to look at my life more holistically. I’m reminding myself everything is interconnected. My diet and exercise will affect my emotional as well as my physical wellbeing. I’ve been chasing this rather nebulous pain in my feet and legs for the last several months. I quite by accident found cutting out gluten and sugar affects that as well as any depressive symptoms of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Combine that with keeping too busy to think about it and this has been a comparatively easy winter. Granted, again we had very little snow and only had limited days that were truly bitter cold. That helps, too.

\n\n\n

Another thing that helps is leaving our Christmas tree up late. I actually just took it down yesterday. I shoot for Valentine’s Day or thereabouts to take it down these days. I love the extra light and sparkle the white twinkle lights bring into my world. Why would I want to get rid of that? So, yesterday I took down my Christmas tree. And in eighteen days, we change to Daylight Savings Time. I’m not depressed. I’m motivated and enjoying life, walking and eating right, and keeping just busy enough.

\n\n\n

We went to the farm yesterday and took the Christmas decorations down out there as well. We swept up dead ladybugs and fed the birds. A feral cat left us the gift of a dead vole on the back porch. The daffodils are up about five inches. With the leaves down, you can see several new deadfalls up in the woods. The sun was shining and it was nearly 60℉. When we got home, Pumpkin was waiting for us at the door to the building. When she hears our truck, she waits till we pull in the driveway then runs and jumps in the cab with us for a snuggle. 

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Our life has an easy rhythm to it now that we’ve been married a while. It’s all good here on the ranch.

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❤️

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“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

\nPhilippians: 4:11-13 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-18T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/18/selfcare-sunshine.html", "tags": ["Health","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/15/my-musings.html", "title": "My 2:00 Musings", "content_html": "\n
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“Raising our babies to be good humans is the goal of every parent.”
\n\n\n

They say to sleep with your cell phone charging in another room. They say you should resist the urge to pick it up in the middle of the night. They also say you shouldn’t reach for your cell phone first thing in the morning. Who ARE these people and why are they so concerned about my reading habits anyway?

\n\n\n

I try to only speak life into my world, so I refrain from saying things like “I’m a terrible sleeper” and “I can NEVER get to sleep”. (See how I did that?) Anyway, after I’ve done all my sleep hygiene skills and I still find myself awake at 2:00, I just start having a little convo with God.

\n\n\n

“Hey, God...I know you’re awake. Wanna chat?”

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He always does. And I get some really great insights. I mean like...Nobel Prize worthy stuff. I don’t write it down, of course...because my cell phone is in the other room, thanks to the sleep experts! ***insert eye roll***go get phone***sigh***

\n\n\n

I have a reminder list on my phone that I’ve titled “Insights”. Things that God and I chat about in the middle of the night when I am busy not sleeping. Often, those insights are the basis for future posts. Sometimes they have to wait and marinate a while before they see the light of day. Other times they are pertinent to what I’m experiencing at the time and they show up pretty quickly.

\n\n\n

My 2:00 musing this week...

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“Life was so much easier when we didn’t know what we didn’t know.”

\n\n\n

I remember when my kids were in their late teens and early twenties. They. Knew. Everything. About. Everything. It was SO enlightening and refreshing to hear from the “experts”. I was a lot younger then. I was only in my forties. My 40-year-old self argued every point. I harangued my kids like a demented cruise director. ***sorry***

\n\n\n

It’s fun now to watch the grandkids with their own families. The only thing that has changed are the names and the faces. The fact that I’m sixty-six now and I don’t have the energy or inclination to harass anyone about anything has gone a long way in keeping my stress level down. 

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I have to defend these kids, though. They do not know how much they do not know yet. When they do, they’re going to have the same “light bulb” moment we all had when we figured out our parents weren’t the idiots we once thought they were. Life really WAS a lot easier in many ways when we were young. We hadn’t graduated from the School of Hard Knocks yet. They tried to show us, but we put the brochures in the drawer and did it our way.

\n\n\n

That’s all these kids are doing...throwing spaghetti against the wall to see what sticks. That’s cool. I may not be around for their A-Ha moment, but I was around for my kids’ and you KNOW how sweet that feels. The day Daughter #1 called to ask me how to cook something I nearly swooned and spilled my latte. 

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Now I lay in bed and watch the slide show of insights God plays for my 2:00 mind and I smile. Because...two time zones away, there is a mama worrying about HER kids and a newlywed worrying about the bills. They’re big now. All grown up...making their own way...making their own mistakes and learning from them, one way or another.

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The bottom line is this...

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God gives our children wings. 

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He lets us teach them to fly.

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❤️

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“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

\nDeuteronomy 6:6-7 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-15T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/15/my-musings.html", "tags": ["Aging","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/09/taking-a-stand-against-bullying.html", "title": "Taking a Stand Against Bullying", "content_html": "\n
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Take a stand against bullying of any kind.
\n\n\n

Burger King recently released an anti-bullying video and it really hit home for me.  It shows a young boy getting picked on in the fast food establishment and very few adults came to his defense. However, when the kitchen staff “bullied” their burgers, there were plenty of people standing up and demanding an un-assaulted sandwich. The dichotomy was remarkable.

\n\n\n

I think it would be a rare thing to find someone who has never been a victim of bullying. There is a certain amount of teasing and hazing that goes on that is brushed off as kids figuring it out. And, it’s far too common that childhood teasing becomes a malignancy that spreads and causes great harm. From tender children to endangered seniors, no one seems to be immune from it. 

\n\n\n

It needs to stop.

\n\n\n

My earliest memories of bullying came when one of my mom’s cousins babysat my brother and me. I was incessantly tormented by her teenagers and often was bruised...internally as well as visibly. I found it impossible to stand up for myself as I was so small and they were so big. The bullying I experienced at their hands certainly made me more empathetic to others.

\n\n\n

In the summer of my twelfth year, Mom let my brother and me stay home by ourselves while she worked. We were under the watchful eye of neighbors, as we all were back in the early ‘60s with stay-at-home moms in every other house. There was a boy in the home above us who heckled my differently-abled brother on occasion, but never within my hearing. One afternoon, I was carrying laundry out to hang on the line when I heard him teasing my Bubby. Fire went through me and I was out that door like a shot.

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I snuck around behind the boy and just as he opened his mouth to call out nasty words about my sweet handicapped brother, I came up behind him and gave him a swift kick in the seat of his pants. He shot out between the hedges and rolled headlong down the bank to the sidewalk below. Bruised and bleeding, he got up and looked around for his attacker. I stood there, all of 70 pounds, hands on my hips and fire in my eyes, glaring down at him...daring him to say anything.

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He called out, “I’m telling my mom!”

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I said, “You go right ahead! And if you ever do anything like that again to anyone...ESPECIALLY my brother...you’ll get it twice as hard from me! Do you hear me???”

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He ran off, and no one ever bothered my brother again. I wish I could have stood up for myself so well but for some reason, I never could.

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As an adult, I am always watching for signs of bullying. My older daughter had her mama’s chutzpah and did well at taking up for herself. I don’t recall ever having to step in for her much. But Daughter #2 was a target and I often had to go to the office or talk to a parent when things went too far.

\n\n\n

Taking a stand in public with strangers takes a different kind of bravery. In this day and age, you don’t know who’s carrying a weapon or who might become violent if confronted. Still, I stand up to bullies. Mr. FixIt will tell you. I intervene whenever I can.

\n\n\n

I’m happy to see more companies stepping up and addressing bullying because in the current state of our country, there seems to be much more bravado in that regard. 

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Everything boils down to living like Jesus. We cannot tolerate bullying and live like Jesus. I won’t tolerate a bully...I don’t care who it is.

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❤️

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“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

\n2 Timothy 1:7 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/09/taking-a-stand-against-bullying.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/05/boys-dont-make-passes-at.html", "title": "Boys Don’t Make Passes at Girls Who Wear Glasses", "content_html": "\n
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“Giving in and getting new glasses.”
\n\n\n

I’ve worn glasses since 7th grade. My first pair were black with very narrow lenses like the popular “granny glasses” of the ‘60s. I remember how remarkable it was to actually be able to SEE. Mr. FixIt remembers the same thing with his first pair. We were both raised in homes without a lot of expendable income and for some reason...glasses seemed to be a luxury we could ill afford.

\n\n\n

I remember feeling self conscious in them. The old “boys don’t make passes” comments didn’t help my self-esteem one bit. I was socially awkward anyway...add anything that drew attention to my perceived weaknesses and I wanted to crawl under a rock. 

\n\n\n

I went to see the eye doctor Monday. I was thrilled I don’t have any evidence of the glaucoma that my mother suffered with. Her sister is nearly blind from glaucoma so I am most relieved. I do have mild dry eye which isn’t surprising the amount of time I spend in front of a computer screen as well as taking antihistamines every day for allergies. 

\n\n\n

I knew my prescription had changed. It’s been three years since I was last tested and I told the doctor I could actually see better at distance than I ever have. She said that is not uncommon because of the relaxation of muscles as we age. However, the opposite occurs to close up vision and mine has changed quite a bit. New glasses it is!

\n\n\n

I strolled through the optometric area at the eye clinic. I so want to be bold with my glasses choices. I love the models I have seen with their wild gray hair, their amazing sense of fashion, and their bold glasses. But, try as I might, I kept coming back to the old standbys...rimless bottoms that open up and compliment my face and let my eyes shine. 

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Creature of habit or life in the safe zone? Doesn’t matter...it’s all about comfort for me. I can’t wear fragile glasses because I have little ones that inadvertently kick me in the face. And, seriously...what kind of fashion statement is truly necessary for a woman who rides a lawn tractor and pulls a camper? Function before style...all day long!

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Besides...Mr. FixIt still makes passes when I wear glasses. And that’s all that matters to me!

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❤️

\n\n\n
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“And then GOD answered: “Write this. Write what you see. Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run. This vision-message is a witness pointing to what’s coming. It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn’t lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It’s on its way. It will come right on time.”

\nHabakkuk 2:2-3 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/05/boys-dont-make-passes-at.html", "tags": ["Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/04/what-really-was-super-about.html", "title": "What Really WAS Super About the Super Bowl", "content_html": "\n
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“The rising of a phoenix is always inspiring to me.”
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I made a dismissive comment yesterday about the Super Bowl halftime show being “stupid”. I didn’t realize at the time what a brouhaha the halftime show was on social media come Monday morning. My comment came mostly because there are so many other things all that money could go to that would benefit so many people in need. 

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I am not going to get into all the political discourse over the performance because I honestly was snuggling babies and just barely watched any of it. That being said, I do have a little trouble with the whole dichotomy between protesting sexual misconduct and flaunting sexuality in front of millions. I say this as I watched my little great granddaughter “shake her booty” as she watched the screen. The messages we send are being absorbed by little minds.

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Aside from that, the final minutes of the game were exciting and I loved watching Andy Reid getting dowsed with the celebratory shower of Gatorade. He’s worked long and hard for this and it was wonderful to see him in that moment.

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None of that really interested me. There was one performance that was perhaps overshadowed by all the hoopla and that one was my favorite.

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Demi Lovato.

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Hers is a story of the phoenix rising from the ashes. Her struggle is ongoing and real. And here she was...standing in front of the crowds...in front of millions watching online....once again doing what God made her to do. 

\n\n\n

Sing.

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I was so proud for her. I know from personal experience how hard it is to come back from an overdose. The judgement you face. The criticism. The sense of disappointment felt from others. The sense of disappointment in yourself. There are choices you have to make...constantly. It’s a struggle to pull yourself up by the bootstraps. It isn’t easy to lean into God for the help you need to be successful.

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So, yeah...I’m not a big football fan. And I think there’s a lot of wasted money, time, and energy when it comes to the Super Bowl. But my hat’s off to Demi Lovato for showing us how it’s done...with grace and humility.

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God Bless You, Demi.

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❤️

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\n

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.””

\nJoshua 1:9 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-04T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/04/what-really-was-super-about.html", "tags": ["Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/02/a-lover-of-books.html", "title": "A Lover of Books", "content_html": "\n
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There’s nothing like a stack of books waiting to be read...even if you never get to them. They’re art!
\n\n\n

When I went through the massive purge and downsized before I sold the Colorado house, the most difficult thing to part with were my books. I love books. I love the feel of paper between my fingers...the sound real paper makes when you turn the pages...the smell of a library or used book store. It’s one of the coziest things in the world.

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Books are our friends when we are lonely. They never leave us or act snotty. They don’t care what we look like. They never judge. It took me weeks to sort through all my books. I purged, then purged again...and finally whittled my collection down to a barest minimum. It wasn’t like I owned collectible first editions or anything of any real value. But, still...they were MINE.

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You can get just about any book in electronic form so it’s not like you’re going to miss out on anything if you don’t have a massive library at home. And, there is nothing like having a little stack of books by your bed waiting to be read. I have so many books on my Kindle, but I find I rarely read them. I like the real deal.

\n\n\n

One of the books in my stash that I never got around to reading was “The Girls with the Grandmother Faces.” I just loved the title of that. It is what it says it is...a book about the musings on life over 55. The author, Frances Weaver, went back to college at the age of 59 and became a writer. My “college” was pulling a camper, but I truly became a writer at 59. So, this book’s premise speaks to me.

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I never got around to reading it, and it’s been so long now I can’t remember if it made the cut or if I’m just remembering the cover. I ordered another copy yesterday. Because, I am one of those girls with the grandmother face now. Lots of wrinkles and spots and...hopefully...wisdom. I want to explore that.

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I had a wonderful day yesterday sitting in the camper for eight hours at the mall, talking to the myriad people who came by to have a look. I met some of the nicest folks and talked to some fun gals about Girl Camping. I hope to meet them at one of our events this year. When I got up yesterday, camping season seemed SO far away as snowflakes literally the size of a tennis ball came drifting down and dusting the ground. It was beautiful but...meh. I’m over it already. Bring on the camping season!

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It was also Mr. FixIt’s birthday yesterday. We are celebrating today by hosting a Super Bowl party this evening. Hip, hip, hooray!

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(By the way...today is a palindrome. 02-02-2020! ?)

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

\nHebrews 4:12 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-02T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/02/a-lover-of-books.html", "tags": ["Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/24/recruiting-allies.html", "title": "Recruiting Allies", "content_html": "\n
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“Recruiting allies in a disgruntled relationship is harmful to all involved.”
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When Hubby #2 and I hit the final skids of what had become a hopeless mess of a marriage, we each heavily invested ourselves in the gathering of allies. We trash-talked each other...not only in person, but among our friends, family, and community at large. Anyone who might choose a side were fair game. It’s no wonder so many people retreated and left us BOTH alone.

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The one area I drew the line was talking bad about each other in front of the kids. THAT was off limits. It occurred for a while initially, but soon was nipped in the bud as something that was not only painful and unpleasant, but it was downright destructive and unfair to the children.

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When you are in the throes of a painful divorce or major upheaval in any relationship, recruiting allies is a thoughtless way to self-soothe. “Misery loves company” but hindsight being what it is...I’d much rather have had the company of others because they genuinely care about me and not because I tried to split loyalties. 

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We were talking in small group last night about controlling our thoughts. I know I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time, but I sure wish I had been more “enlightened”...more “mature” when we went through all that. I know it would have been easier on me and my family.

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We all have situations where we may not like someone, but rallying the troops against them isn’t healthy in the long run...for anyone involved. 

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

\nPhilippians 4:8-9 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/24/recruiting-allies.html", "tags": ["God","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/13/when-god-tells-you-to.html", "title": "When God Tells You to Do Something...DO IT!", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“When a Resolution becomes a Revolution”
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Here I am. It’s Monday. It’s been two weeks since my self-imposed schedule change here on the blog. And, ever since I made the change, my inner being has been in an uproar. Like static electricity on the radio and I couldn’t quite make out what was being said. It was driving me buggy.

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Over the last two weeks, I’ve stopped and gotten still and listened. I’ve prayed about it. And I wasn’t getting anything. It seemed as though my direct line to the Holy Spirit had been disconnected and I didn’t like it one bit. Still...I persevered. I’d made a decision, after all.

\n\n\n

Then, yesterday at church, I had one of those remarkable moments that is so God-driven that I kept laughing out loud during the sermon. (Good thing it’s a really contemporary service and there’s a lot of interaction during services.)

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I love it when I get those Instagrams from God...when He shows you a very clear picture and speaks to you through the Holy Spirit and it’s clear and real and unmistakable. The sermon was about being good.

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\n

“Being good is good, until it’s not good enough anymore.”

\nPastor Justin Enoch - Warehouse Church\n
\n\n\n

Pastor Justin gave the example of the invention of the telephone. There was the crank on the wall and the party line. It was good, but it soon became apparent that it wasn’t good enough. There was the wall phone, then the cordless phone, then the portable phone in the bag, then the true cell phone, then the many incarnations of that till we got to the smart phones. And the smart phones will be good...until they aren’t good enough anymore.  

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We can be good. Just good. Good enough. Or, we can go the extra mile, do the extra work, and bring God’s greatness through us into our works. And THAT is great! Pastor Justin reminded us we all have greatness within us. We all have the ability to do great things. We all have a calling. God has given each one of us a gift and a purpose and a personal directive. Will we pick that up? Or will we settle for just good?

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I suddenly had a revelation. I set myself a resolution for the first of the year when what I needed was a REVOLUTION! Do you remember the story about me sitting in church and getting the message that I had to put scriptures in my posts? God gave me a purpose...a job...and I obeyed. Then I eventually got a little burned out and overwhelmed and I decided to step away. I’m glad I did, because it has given me clarity, which opened me up to be able to hear...THIS was my assignment. THIS is my ministry. THIS is my blessing. THIS is my opportunity to share what God does for me.

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It’s the REST of the writing that needs to be second place. 

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So...here I am. I’m back. I’ve rediscovered my purpose.

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I really missed being here with you all every morning.

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Thanks for waiting.

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❤️

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“that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him,”

\nEphesians 1:17 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/13/when-god-tells-you-to.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/05/a-visit-from-a-little.html", "title": "A Visit From a Little Red Bird", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“A Curious Little Cardinal”
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I’ve taken comfort from the bluebirds that visit me frequently. They started showing up when I sat by Mr. Virgo’s grave. And I don’t mean flying around me. I mean, coming to rest, three at a time on the open car door with an extra one on the side view mirror. Each time I visited the cemetery, more and more bluebirds arrived and they made my heart sing. 

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I still see them in West Virginia, but they are outnumbered by the bright red cardinals that visit me daily. Grandma always said when you see a cardinal, it’s a loved one in Heaven coming to tell you hello. The Bible says those who are in Heaven cannot see us. But God can do anything...even sending bluebirds and redbirds to remind you of loved ones passed.

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The other day, the thought occurred to me...we are entering a new decade. One in which Mr. Virgo did not live. While I no longer actively grieve over losing him, I still have poignant moments that remind me of him. One of the hardest things about time passing after his death was the sense of losing him all over again. Losing the memory of the sound of his voice, or the touch of his hand, or the twinkle in his eye. 

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Those memories are covered in a thick gauzy haze now, and every year away from that moment I lose more of him. Turning the page on a new decade kinda felt that way. I was sitting in the family room on New Year’s Eve, just contemplating the changes I have gone through over the last ten years, when something outside caught my eye.

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It was a cardinal. 

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And not just any cardinal. This little guy was trying to get my attention. He hopped back and forth, back and forth, stopping to look in the door at me. He’d go out of my line of vision and I thought he had given up...only to hop back in view. This went on for about twenty minutes. I smiled when I saw how insistent this little bird was. 

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It was as if he were saying, “Hey! Look at me! Look! I’m here...I am always and forever here!!!”

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I don’t know the answers to all of life’s mysteries, but I do know there are no coincidences. I gazed at the bird and I swear our eyes locked for a moment. I whispered a heartfelt “Thank You” and he was gone. A weight lifted and life moved on and I breathed just a little easier know Mr. Virgo is OK where he is. 

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And so am I.

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❤️

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“Give thanks to the Lord of lords: His love endures forever. to him who alone does great wonders, His love endures forever.”

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Psalms 136:3-4 NIV

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/05/a-visit-from-a-little.html", "tags": ["Grief","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/31/seeking-comfort-in-an-uncomfortable.html", "title": "Seeking Comfort in an Uncomfortable World", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“Travel brings me comfort in an uncomfortable world.”
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Well, dear ones...this is it. The last day of the year. The last day of a decade. And oh...what a time it has been. At the beginning of it, I was happily married to Mr. Virgo...living in Denver and not much liking that part, except for being in close proximity to my children. Not that I got to see them much. I was very focused on my husband and didn’t see past the end of my nose. A major regret.

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Three years into this decade, my life stopped when Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly...and I set out to create a new life with a new me. I sold the only home I had ever owned on my own. I made some bad decisions...but I’ve also made some good ones. I’ve driven tens of thousands of miles. I settled into and lived in the home of my heart on a beautiful farm that’s been in my family for nearly ninety years.

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I’ve connected with some really wonderful people, and reconnected with people I’ve known for a lifetime. I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words as I poured out my grief and my heart and my love into the ether sphere. I married a man I initially set eyes on when I was six years old.

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I gained people. And...I lost people I loved dearly.

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I totaled a truck and escaped with nothing worse than a small brain bleed that left me struggling to remember things for a couple of years, which filled me with fear. This last year, things finally started to fire on all cylinders in my poor noggin and I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time.

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I’ve aged a hundred years in some ways. I’ve gotten much younger in others.

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I got a cat. Well...she got me.

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I gained a huge extended family and I’m now not only a grandma....I am a GREAT grandma to two little ones with a third one due any day now. I am a GiGi, to be exact. A Mom and a mother-in-law and a Nana and a GiGi. A sister and a friend and a wife. How cool is that?

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I went to Church Sunday night and Pastor Justin asked us to think about who we were before we were saved. In that moment, I realized THAT’S what has been hovering in the back of my mind as I contemplate the end of this decade. Because it was the beginning of the previous decade when my life very nearly came to an end.

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I let myself cry as the music wafted over me, the Holy Spirit covering...filling me with his Love. My life has moments of demarcation with lines in the sand marking the points between “before” and “after”. The overdose. My mom’s death. Finding Jesus. Meeting, then losing, Mr. Virgo.

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Finding ME.

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Finding love again.

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Marrying a wonderful man.

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All while traveling. I get bored being in the same place too long. I need to seek new horizons from time to time. I need to get away and “blow off some stink” every once in a while. I need to recharge...away from everyone and everything I know. I need to go where no one knows me and rest in the anonymity that comes with the unfamiliar. 

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I get uncomfortable when I become too comfortable. When things start to get too predictable, I need to shake things up. I tried to count how many houses and apartments I’ve lived in during my lifetime and I lost track. I crave change. Thank goodness I’m married to a very understanding man. It makes me easier to live with, I think.

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I don’t usually travel like I did this year...not since I was on the road with the camper after Mr. Virgo died. It was different this time. It was harder to be away from my sweetheart. Partly because I genuinely love being with him and partly because I’m older now and I have intimate experience with loss. Things have changed. There’s more to lose now. I’m not sure how much I’ll travel in the coming year...but I’m sure it won’t be quite like 2019.

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We’re heading out tonight for a family bowling party to ring in the New Year. I can’t remember the last time I bowled. I can’t remember the last time I was out past 10:00! I have to remind myself...I’m only 66. There will be plenty of time to lay down when I’m dead and gone, right?

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Maybe I can take a nap before we go.

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Happy New Year, my dear ones! If you are struggling, may 2020 bring you peace, prosperity, and good health. You are so loved.

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Thank you. Truly...thank you for being here all these years. I am eternally grateful for the connections I have made through this page.

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Be blessed!

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Ginny

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❤️

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“Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. Sing to the Lord, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.”

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Psalms 96:1-3 NIV

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“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

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Psalms 90:12 NIV

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“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”

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Proverbs 16:9 NIV

\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-31T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/31/seeking-comfort-in-an-uncomfortable.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/24/christmas-the-camper-girl-camper.html", "title": "Christmas \u0026 The Camper - Girl Camper Moments", "content_html": "\n
\"santa
\"Santa and Me\"
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Here is a link to Girl Camper Moments...the branded series I write for the Girl Camper website. I share this story every year on Christmas Eve...as a reminder to me that, even though that first Christmas was so incredibly difficult, time passes and we accommodate ourselves to grief.

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We learn where the edges of that jagged hole are and how to avoid falling in \"ass over teakettle\". It took a lot of tears and prayers, and God carried me when I was too tired to walk. My prayer is always that you find hope through my stories.

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In this iteration of the tale, I elaborate on what I did after I had my \"Santa experience\". I know not all of you are camping enthusiasts, but I'm sure you all have a safe place where you feel comforted and can let down your guard. For me, that has always been my camper...my little sanctuary on wheels.

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I hope you read and share the retelling of my first Christmas without Mr. Virgo. I hope it helps those whose hearts are broken during what was a joyous occasion before the loss.

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Girl Camper Moments: Christmas & The Camper

\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/24/christmas-the-camper-girl-camper.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Holiday","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/21/seventh-christmas.html", "title": "Seventh Christmas", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“Left: 2013 - Right: 2019”
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This is the seventh Christmas since Mr. Virgo died. I look back over the years and remember how each one felt. 

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2013: The loss was so profound the first Christmas. I was numb, empty, devoid of anything but pain.

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2014: The second was equally painful but in a different way. I was awake...and he was STILL gone. And by then, I was living in West Virginia on the family farm and trying to help my aunt. I now know what she was going through was early stages of dementia, but at the time it was mean spirited and got ugly on Christmas Day when I was invited to leave. That was hard.

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2015: The third was better. I flew to Colorado to be with my family and it was a welcome visit. I was beginning to catch my breath and develop a rhythm to my life and experience a great deal of personal growth. I don’t believe I cried that Christmas.

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2016: The fourth was much, much better. I still had moments of sadness and reflection, but I had recently begun dating Mr. FixIt and there was a glimmer of hope rising. I found such comfort in our friendship and the possibilities of it developing into something deeper flitted around in the back of my mind. I struggled a little with “Where do I put the memories of Mr. Virgo if I start another relationship?”

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2017: The fifth was great fun! My relationship with Mr. FixIt had solidified and we were sure we had found a life long love. There was a little mix of sadness because of losses in the family, which underscored the fragility of life. And we officially moved in together which started a year of uncanny sermons from our Pastor on NOT living together before you’re married.

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2018: This brought us to the sixth Christmas...married! It was mind-blowing how far I had come, and we were over the moon!

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2019: And now...here we are at the seventh Christmas. The number seven appears 735 times in the Bible. Seven is the foundation of God’s word. It’s the number of completeness and perfection. It isn’t lost on me that this is the time God has chosen for me to make changes in my writing schedule and turn my focus so I can accomplish other things as well as maintaining my presence here.

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A lot has happened this year. I traveled four months out of this year. I had ample time for reflection. I’ve been able to package up a lot of things in my mind and store them neat and tidy because I don’t have to handle them every day anymore. This year I’ve felt more like myself, if that makes any sense to you. I wear this life now like my favorite comfortable sweater. It fits me. I no longer feel a disconnect between my heart and my mind and my feet. I’m standing where I was meant to stand...going where I’m meant to go.

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This is a comfortable place to be. It’s a relief. And, it’s still ever so slightly disconcerting because I have the very clear awareness that there is precious little space between “here” and “not here”. This Christmas is good. Real. Grounded. I’m in a relationship where I’m free to be exactly who I am, speak my mind, and not be afraid all the time. My “fear of abandonment issues” have largely disappeared. I am a body at rest.

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As I look at the picture above, I see two different women sharing the same space. This is the way grief is. Pain and heartbreak can exist in the same space as joy and happiness. This is the kind of thing I wanted to see and hear when I was that woman on the left. I so needed to hold onto hope and there were precious few sources for that in my life at the time. When I found myself lacking my own grief mentor, God whispered...

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“That...go do that for others, dear one.” In so doing, I myself was the recipient of such healing and grace.

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It’s been quite the journey, to be sure. 

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❤️

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“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”

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3 John 1:2 NIV

\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/21/seventh-christmas.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/19/when-god-closes-doors.html", "title": "When God Closes Doors...", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“God sometimes sends us a wink to let us Know He’s the one in charge.”
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First...let me thank you all so much for your support and kind comments on yesterday’s post. It took me a lot of introspection and a lot of prayer to come to the realization that I needed to make a change in my writing schedule. The message I kept getting from God was “It’s time.” I’m the one that kept dragging my feet and trying to argue with Him. 

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I’m not one to really care about the numbers of followers on my blog, but it is an indicator of “how I’m doing” as far as hitting the ball out of the park. For the last year, my numbers have been flat which means as many people left as joined and that had never happened before. I know the content of the blog shifted a lot, but I still don’t think it was the entire story. The flat numbers was my first indicator that God was trying to tell me something.

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As I began to entertain the thought of change, God kept sending more and more validation that I was on the right path. Other opportunities continued to come up and I just couldn’t avoid it anymore. Then, to absolutely bring the point home....something really fun just landed in my lap yesterday. I’ll tell you more about it in a few weeks, but it was just such a blatant God wink that I literally laughed out loud and clapped my hands when I got out of the meeting.

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I’ll still be posting daily till the New Year. And, even after that, I’ll post encouragement frequently. Just shorter posts. These long posts can take three hours or more to write. I’m really torn...because I want to be here for you and I love being here for you...and for me.

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They say when one door closes, another opens. It doesn’t always happen so fast that it can’t be missed. Sometimes we have to wait and wait and wait. This is where Faith comes in...when we have to trust in God’s timing and not our own. I don’t claim to understand how it all works but, gosh...it really feels good when God winks at you.

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❤️

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

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Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-19T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/19/when-god-closes-doors.html", "tags": ["God","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/18/big-loss-big-growth-big.html", "title": "Big Loss + Big Growth = Big Changes in 2020", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“We should all seek to grow through our losses, and accept that change is all there is to do.”
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On March 12, 2013...my world as I knew it came crashing to an end. The future Mr. Virgo and I had planned ended right in front of me in the cold, sterile environment of a Colorado emergency room. Time stopped in that moment and I struggled to do the simplest of tasks...breathing was at the top of the list.

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I ever so slowly dragged myself along the jagged shards of grief till I could accomplish simple things like personal hygiene, taking care of paperwork, and eating proper meals. Each tiny step seemed monumental and yet my focus was never much further than the end of my nose. But, hours became days, weeks, months. And finally...years.

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When I look back on all of that now, I marvel that I survived. I also marvel at this new creation I have become. I am such a different version of myself than I was when Mr. Virgo was alive. I’m not at all sure he would like being married to the me I am now...although I have not a doubt that he would be ever so proud of what I have accomplished in a relatively short time.

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Relatively short...if you can call seven Christmases without him “short”. Time is tricky. It seems like yesterday. It seems like eternity. Sometimes, it seems like a dream that I even had him. I’ve learned this is common and it was one of the hardest things to accept. It meant I was growing. Not forgetting...but growing into this new life that I find myself living.

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And that’s where I’ve come to sit with you today...coffee in hand...to have a little chat. I’ve felt the winds of change whipping around my head for some time now. I’m not one to fear change. As a matter of fact, I embrace it. Good change, anyway. I find myself in a place now where I need to make some good changes. For me. For the people in my life whom I love and love me.

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I’ve written every day...almost every single day...for 2,471 days. That’s 6 years, 9 months, and 5 days...in case you’re wondering. I’ve given everything to this project...this Grief Journal...the Documentary of an Ordinary Life. I’ve spoken from my heart with honesty and what I hope was with empathy and grace. And now...I find myself at a crossroads.

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On the day Mr. Virgo died, God threw a pebble in the lake of my life and the ripples have expanded in ever broadening circles...touchIng, crossing, blending with the circles of others. He brought me a companion in Mr. FixIt. With him, God brought me a large extended family that adds to my own in Colorado. More children, grandchildren, and now great grandchildren to love and care for.

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He crossed my path with Janine Pettit who has not only been a dear friend and mentor, but has opened my world to greater opportunities than I could have envisioned. God has answered my prayers when I asked him to “expand my territory”...my circle of influence...to give me even more opportunities to share how He has touched my life. And to share what wisdom I have been graced with.

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There are big projects in the works on a national level which require more and more of my attention. One of which is the new OH-WV Girl Camper Chapter that I share with my dear friend, Gail Bable. We write stories about camping, the things we’ve learned, our favorite picks (parks, equipment, etc.) and local finds. We are essentially Ambassadors for Ohio and West Virginia Tourism as it relates to women travelers...be it camping or otherwise. I also write a series for them called Girl Camper Moments.

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There’s my book, which sits waiting for me to get back to it and breathe life into it so it may be born out into the world. There’s a second book, and a third, and....you get my drift. There’s writing to be done and there are only so many hours in the day in which to do it. I have worked so long and hard on Marshmallow Ranch to let it devolve into anything less than the level of quality you have come to expect...and deserve. This is where the growing pains come in.

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I have to make some changes.

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If I want to do what I feel God is calling me to do, then I have to learn to use my time wisely. Just as our finances belong to God and we must be good stewards of what He has entrusted us with, so too is the time He has graced us with in order to accomplish the purpose He has for us in this life. To that end, I have set up a “work schedule” for 2020. I will post here every Wednesday and every Sunday. I will continue “Sunday Evening Prayer Circle” as that has become such a moment of solace for me and for so many others I know. Then I can focus Friday on Girl Camper and turn the writing time I’ve been using into work time on the book. 

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I do hope you continue to follow along. It may take more work to find me. I'm not sure what Facebook will do to my algorithms if I don't post every day. I will post brief, encouraging photos and quotes frequently. I just won't be writing the long story posts every day we both have become accustomed to. I get as much...if not more...from my writing when I read your kind and encouraging comments. Your loyalty has not been lost on me and I am ever so grateful for all of you.

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And now, it's.....

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2020

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It's all about a new chapter.

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20/20

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It’s all about vision.

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With much love and gratitude...

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Ginny

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❤️

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“The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.””

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Matthew 13:22-23 NIV

\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-18T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/18/big-loss-big-growth-big.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/17/crazy-weather-in-west-virginia.html", "title": "Crazy Weather in West Virginia", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“What started out as snow ended up as boatloads of rain.”
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We woke up yesterday to a coating of white. It’s only the second time this year we’ve even had a hint of snow and it really didn’t amount to much. As a matter of fact, by the time 8:00 rolled around, it was pushing 40℉ and starting to rain. Then it rained...and rained...and RAINED! An inch had fallen by early evening and we were expecting another inch overnight. 

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When we have days and days of slow drizzly rains, it doesn’t seem like much of a problem until it pours. Then there’s no place for the water to go and it just sits in pools on the ground and runs off into the nearby creeks and rivers causing what is called areal flooding. Low lying areas are particularly prone to this kind of flooding. By 4:00 there had already been a couple of water rescues. People don’t seem to realize how deadly driving into standing water can be.

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We were happy to be at home yesterday and not have to be out and about in that mess. I took advantage of the time and started doing some serious cleanup of my email inbox. I have outlook set up to receive email from several addresses and it’s been a few years since I made any serious attempt to clean it out. I have a habit of scrolling through emails on my phone and not deleting them as I go. So, I sat at the desk in our office for eight hours straight...deleting emails.

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36,000 of them!

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And that’s not all...there’s another 30,000 to go! 

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It’s much like cleaning out my mom’s house after she died. It would have been much faster to order a dumpster and just haul everything out at once and be done with it. But, there was no rhyme or reason to that house. There were precious family photos mixed in with junk mail in black plastic garbage bags. Her wedding band was in the basement in a box of jars and her engagement ring was in a shoebox filled with sewing notions and ballpoint pens that didn’t work. 

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I had to sort through everything bit by bit. Which is kind of what I’m doing with the inbox. Outlook has a great tool where you can “sweep” the inbox. Let’s say you regularly get emails from Sam’s Club. There’s nothing in those emails you really need after you’ve seen them so at the touch of a button, you can “sweep” all the emails from one address out into the trash. That makes it a lit quicker.

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I also unsubscribed from at least a hundred sources which will cut down on the amount of email that comes in daily. This had just gotten out of hand and short of deleting the whole thing, I will devote some time to getting things under control. I’ll finish the inbox, then comes the FB friends list, then the great annual sorting of papers to start preparing for tax season. 

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AFTER Christmas.

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I hope you all are safe in all this crazy weather!

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❤️

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“But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.”

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1 Corinthians 14:40 NIV

\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/17/crazy-weather-in-west-virginia.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Downsizing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/10/love-to-the-rescue.html", "title": "Love to the Rescue", "content_html": "

\"Friends\" “One of my besties! Deneene and her sidekick, Griffen the Grey, came for a visit. She’s good for what ails ya!”

\n

I wrote in yesterday’s post about feeling “in the ditch”. I struggled for a few days with grief waves triggered by a traumatic loss in the family. Then, in swept my dear friend Deneene with lots of love and her trusty sidekick, Griffen the Grey. Griff is a nine month old French Bulldog who wriggled his way into my heart when we visited Deneene and her husband Mark in South Carolina this summer. 

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I had been greatly anticipating Deneene’s arrival for the last week and when she walk in the door, all the “holding it all in” released with her big bear hug. I had the gas stove in the family room fired up so it was nice and toasty. And I had the TV on with this really great ten hour YouTube fireplace video running in the background. We have a huge TV because the family room is huge. It used to be a two car garage, so if you want to read the fine print at the bottom of the screen, you need a big TV. When Deneene walked in, she said she could see the fire blazing from the road leading past our house. I was glad no one thought the house was on fire and called 911!

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We didn’t stay up too late and talk because my friend is a new grandma and had just spent a week at her daughter’s helping out with the new baby. She was pretty tired so we said goodnight early. Deneene is not a real morning person, so when Mr. FixIt and I woke up at 8:30, I told him to be really quiet so as not to wake her. I forgot that puppies get their mommies up really early and she had been waiting for US to get up and keeping Griffen quiet.

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When I heard them talking in the family room, I quickly dressed and went into the kitchen to cook breakfast. Scratch biscuits with homemade sausage gravy and eggs. OMGosh! It’s been forever since I fixed that and it was SO good. I made Paula Deen’s Cream Biscuits. They are love in the palm of your hand. Look up the recipe. Super easy! And sausage gravy couldn’t be easier to make than mine. Fry a pound of sausage till browned, sprinkle about a third of a cup of flour over it and stir till combined then slowly pour enough milk over it to loosed it up, adding more milk as it cooks, stopping when you get the right consistency. 

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As we sat and ooohed and ahhhed over the delicacy before us, we slathered butter and local orange blossom honey over the rest of the biscuits till there were just three left. I tucked them in a bag for Deneene to take with her to nibble on the road. Deneene raved over our hospitality and I told her it was the best B&B this side of the Mississippi…and it’s free!

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We said our WV goodbye. She announced she should be leaving. We told another story. She said she really should get going. We hugged and talked about when we would get to see one another again. She gathered up her things. I made sure she didn’t forget her biscuits. We walked to the door. We hugged again and declared it had been too long since the last visit and we shouldn’t wait so long next time. She double checked if she had everything. I asked if she needed a bottle of water for the road. She picked up her bags and we had another long hug at the door. As she walked through, we noticed she had set down the biscuits when she put on her coat so we retrieved them for her. If it hadn’t have been raining, we would have walked her to her truck and the goodbye would have lasted another fifteen to twenty minutes. Thus is the nature of goodbyes in the country. It’s a goodbye full of love!

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I called after her, “Don’t forget to text when you get there!” If it was dusk, I would have said, “Watch for deer!” That’s West Virginian for “I love you!”

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Deneene honked from the road as she drove by and I waved madly from the front window. And she was gone. My friend whom I helped through her own grief had come and returned the favor. I felt so much better after her visit. I have a big deadline to meet this week so after Deneene left, I packed up and went to the farm where I turned the TV to the same fireplace video. I survived another wave and I’m on to the next thing. Such is the nature of grief. It just gets incorporated into life and you move forward. Thank you for your support yesterday. You have no idea what that means to me. I wish everyone who grieves had cheerleaders like you to support them through their journey.

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❤️

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“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”\n

John 15:12 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-10T02:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/10/love-to-the-rescue.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Fun","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/09/in-the-ditch.html", "title": "In the Ditch", "content_html": "

\"Waves “You never know what will trigger grief…I’m just grateful it doesn’t come nearly as often as it used to.”

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Mr. FixIt called yesterday when he was on his way to our granddaughter’s baby shower. There was a wreck on our road. Someone had gone in the ditch, overcorrected, went across the road and ran into an abandoned house. I have to say, that road worries me. Whenever one of us goes to town without the other, we always text when we get there to alleviate the worry.

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One of my dearest friends in the whole world stopped at our house yesterday on her way home to South Carolina and spent the night. I was SO excited to see her. I met Deneene through Marshmallow Ranch a couple of years ago. She lost her husband about a year or so before we met and a mutual friend introduced her to my blog. Since she was local, I invited her out for coffee and it was one of those instant life long friendships forged on common ground.

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Before Deneene arrived, I baked an apple galette for a sweet treat. But, I have to say…my stomach has been in knots ever since I went to the viewing last Wednesday. I’ve been “in the ditch”. I’ve been to viewings and funerals since Mr. Virgo died. While none of them are easy, the only ones that really hit me hard are the “snatch deaths”…those sudden, unexpected deaths that snatch loved ones in an instant. It stirs up every bit of angst I thought I had put away long ago.

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Where I had been the comforter for Deneene when we first met…last night, she became mine. I poured out how fearful I become when a grief wave comes over me now. Fearful…because I tell myself I should be way past this. How can I tell Mr. FixIt about it? Will he walk away from me because he’s “had enough of this”? No, of course not. For one thing, it very rarely happens anymore. For another…he’s not that kind of guy. I should KNOW all this because this is what I do…I comfort others in their grief. I share stories of my own to let others know they aren’t alone. Yet, I tell myself…I should be over this by now, right?

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My sweet friend, so gentle and serene, calmly reminded me of what I told her back when we sat over coffee and shared our hearts for over four hours.

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“There IS no timetable for grief…remember? There IS no rule book. YOU told me that.”

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Yes…indeed. I did tell her that. I tell you that, too. And, I tell you I’ll always speak to you with an open, honest heart and tell you the truth about this grief journey…even when it is uncomfortable or ugly or scary. Even when I’m happily, madly in love and remarried…I am not immune to the waves of grief that rear up against me on occasion. Of COURSE a loss that close to home stirred memories. Why wouldn’t it?

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Was it a mistake to go to the viewing? I don’t know…maybe. However, I am so glad I was there to support those I love, even if it WAS hard. There are going to be hard things in life. I can’t avoid them.

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It’s ok to not be ok for a little bit. It won’t last forever. I’m not buying real estate…I’m just passing through. It’s the holidays and they can be rough for anyone. When I urge you to be gentle with yourselves, I don’t always take the same advice. I so appreciate my friend to remind me…it’s ok.

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❤️

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“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”\n

Psalms 147:3 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-09T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/09/in-the-ditch.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/08/bucket-lists-miracles-making-memories.html", "title": "Bucket Lists \u0026 Miracles \u0026 Making Memories", "content_html": "

\"Santa “When being Santa is on your bucket list…”

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This is the time of year where Christmas is around every corner. The twinkling lights and bustling shops, the carols and the wonderful aromas wafting from the kitchen…they all bring up memories. And, while there is a plethora of “warm-fuzzy” memories, there are also sad painful memories that show up with the turn of the calendar and the darkening of the days.

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Christmas was Mr. Virgo’s very favorite holiday. When he worked at the Hotel Jerome in Aspen, he was asked to play Santa one year. You would have thought he was stepping on stage at the Met. He was thrilled…not only to play the role, but to grow out his beard. You often are not allowed to have facial hair when you work in Food & Beverage. This was a treat, all the way around. I know what joy that brought him. 

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One of my high school friends brought us some devastating news a while back. Her sweet brother, Ed Lowe, was diagnosed with cancer. When they did an in depth work up, they found out it had spread through his body. Ed is a pastor, and he knows where he will go when it is his time. He’s taking advantage of every treatment option and covets the prayers of anyone who will pray for a miracle with him.

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With his typical optimism, Ed has set out to work on his bucket list. With Christmas fast approaching, he put his wish out there….to be Santa in our hometown Christmas Parade! Phone calls were made and before you knew it, Ed was being fitted for his Santa suit and got to ride down Market Street on a float…waving and smiling and throwing candy to the children lining the parade route.

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These are the happy/sad stories we read about this time of year. This is a memory that will be cherished by so many people, no matter what the outcome of Ed’s health scare may be. I’m telling you this story because I love my friend, Janet. I love her fierce devotion to her brother. And, I am asking you to do something for us. Whenever you see Santa in the coming weeks, please send up a prayer for a special man of God who wants his own Christmas Miracle. Please pray for Ed Lowe…and all the others who need miracles, as well.

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?❤️????❤️?

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“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”\n

Jeremiah 17:14 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2019-12-08T02:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/08/bucket-lists-miracles-making-memories.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/03/recovery-day.html", "title": "Recovery Day", "content_html": "

\"Christmas “Christmas Lights & Pie”

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When all the food is put away…when all the dishes are done…when all the guests have said their last goodbye…what time is it? It’s time for PIE! Well, really…is there ever a BAD time for pie? We turned off the lights…all but the tree. And just enjoyed the quiet.

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I took the kitten in bright and early to be spayed and immediately came home and slept three more hours. Working to put on a big family dinner takes the starch out of you. And it gets harder the older you get. 

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The babies were so much fun. Princess First was in rare form, ate like a champ, colored brilliantly, and melted me with “Pweeze, Gigi!” I’m toast. Then there was Prince Second. Oy, he is a solid chunk of sheer joy. He smiles and coos and bats his big eyes at me. All I wanted to do all day was kiss and nibble on those cheeks…they are so delectable!

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Once the kitten was ready, I went to pick her up. They informed me she needs to stay in the house for the next ten days. You know what that means, don’t you? It means we now have an indoor cat. Bring me all the antihistamines in the land! It’s better, really. I worry about her outside with that road even though she was safe in the pole building every night. I also found out we can board her with our vet when we go out of town. So it was a win-win day. 

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Now I can turn my focus back to writing. The OH-WV Chapter page on the new Girl Camper website needs my attention every couple of weeks. There are presents to make. Cookies to bake. Calls to make. Cards to send. This will be a busy and quick month for all of us. Then we can start making all our camping plans for the  New Year! There’s going to be some fun things happening on the east side…up and down the mid-Atlantic area so keep your eyes peeled for announcements!

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Katy bar the door…all heck is gonna break loose around here!

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❤️

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“Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house.”\n

Proverbs 24:27 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-03T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/03/recovery-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Holiday","Wisdom","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/02/operation-turkey-day-complete.html", "title": "Operation Turkey Day Complete", "content_html": "

\"‘70s “Ohhhh….the food of the ‘70s. We thought it was SO elegant and sophisticated!”

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Look at these foods of the ‘70s! OMGosh! Someone posted a bunch of these on my Facebook feed last week and I had to laugh. These are the kind of things my first mother-in-law would have called “tres elegante”. El-e-GAN-tay…four syllables. What is that banana thing with ham and some sort of sauce on it? Or the hot dog volcano? Or that clear gelatin mold with the canned vegetables lurking in it???  I wonder if years from now, people will look back at our meals of today and think “Ugh!”?

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We held our belated Thanksgiving Dinner yesterday. Cooking for a crowd is a multiple day affair and this year, everything came out perfectly. I cannot make stuffing to save my life, but this year it was moist and tasty. The brined turkey was succulent and flavorful. The roasted butternut squash was a surprising hit. We narrowly averted another fiasco with the sweet potatoes again this year. Last year, we forgot and left them in the oven. This year, I was going to cook them in the CrockPot. I had them out in the garage fridge and when Mr. FixIt brought all the food in this morning, they were inadvertently forgotten. Fortunately, I remembered in time to transfer them into a baking pan and popped them in the oven. They were perfect. The mashed potatoes were great and the gravy was the best! You just cant ruin green beans unless you burn them so they were fine. I wasn’t as impressed with the way I prepared the Brussels sprouts this year. I made a warm bacon dressing and tossed the chiffonade with crispy bacon bits, dried cranberries and the sweet and sour sauce till they were barely wilted. I think I should have cooked them another minute. The only thing we forgot to put out on the table this year was the cranberry sauce. It was left in the fridge. Have any of you frozen the sauce to use later? I hate to waste it.

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There was a pall over the festivities, though. There was a death in our daughter-in-law’s family and they could not attend. They are all in our prayers. After dinner, we sat with the rest of the kids and talked about how quickly death can come. We cautioned the young ones to drive safely. They think they are bulletproof. Perhaps something like this coming so close to home will help them remember to drive carefully. I just cover them with prayer all the time.

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And just like that…it’s December.

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❤️

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““See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven.”\n

Matthew 18:10 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-02T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/02/operation-turkey-day-complete.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Gratitude","Warning","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/01/ok-boomer.html", "title": "Ok, Boomer...", "content_html": "

\"Ok, “Ok, Boomer…terms of derision from a fed up generation.”

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I’m a Boomer. Proud of it. And, like most people who are “of a certain age”, I find myself looking at the younger generations with a critical eye. As has happened with each preceding generation, the young people are looking at us like we’re dinosaurs. Out of touch actors that don’t have a clue. The first time I heard the snarky, derisive phrase…”Ok, Boomer”…I was frankly ticked off. How dare they…snot nosed little whippersnappers!

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OMGosh…yes, I just said that!

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Our generation came along after WWII during the Cold War when the economy was booming. All we had to do was roll up our sleeves, go to college, get a great job, build houses and buy cars and furniture and toys galore. Not all of us, certainly. I came from a poor home. But there was opportunity that our parents certainly didn’t have.

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Then, our children came along. The Sesame Street Gen X-ers reaped a lot of the benefits of our hard work. The computer, then the internet, then cell phones…technology boomed and the world became a much smaller place. Then along came Generation Y…the Millennials…my younger daughter’s generation. And Gen Z…the children of Gen Y who know nothing other than the digital age.

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Boomers often call the younger generations lazy, entitled brats who never had to work for anything…who got a trophy for showing up…who weren’t spanked by their parents and never suffered consequences for their actions. If they are brats, we are to blame. We raised them. Well, us and Dr. Spock.

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I feel bad for the younger generations. We are leaving them with a terrible debt to pay. We have consistently and continually abused the planet, spent ourselves into oblivion, and we are preparing to ride off into the sunset. My older daughter and her husband are blessed. They bought a home before the bottom fell out of the housing market in 2008. My younger daughter is 29 and this is a far different world she is facing. This generation may never own homes.

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While I don’t like “Ok, Boomer”…I can understand their frustration. They are saddled with immeasurable student loan debt. They can’t get jobs the way we got jobs…not when “Text 12345 to apply” is how you do it. They can’t dress up and knock on doors unannounced. They have to work 2, 3, or more odd jobs. And the jobs nowadays are not providing benefits. These kids have to get roommates to survive. They’ll eat a lifetime of ramen. 

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I worry about the upcoming generations. What will things be like for our great grandchildren? And the great- great- ones that we will never know? We have to become more forward thinking to preserve some sort of life for them. Or, I should say…Gen X-ers will. We can’t say we weren’t warned. I guess “OK, Boomer” isn’t far off the mark, is it?

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❤️

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“He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our ancestors to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children.”\n

Psalms 78:5-6 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-01T02:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/01/ok-boomer.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Courage","Aging","Warning","Choices","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/30/when-kindness-matters-most.html", "title": "When Kindness Matters Most", "content_html": "

\"Be “Kindness Matters Most…especially when it involves children.”

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My dear friend Diane sent me a link to an article in the New York Times yesterday. It was a story about the new mayor of Charleston and how she barked up the wrong tree. It seems, in an effort to be inclusive and considerate of the Muslim and Jewish population in our state’s capital, she decided to rename the Christmas Parade. She announced on a Facebook post that the Winter Parade would be on such and such a date…and thus began a civil uprising. Well, maybe uncivil is a more appropriate description.

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I understand what she was trying to do. And I appreciate it. Having lived 27 years as a practicing Jew in a small town and watching discrimination at work was an eye opening experience for me. It gave me a much deeper appreciation for what some people go through on a daily basis in this world. 

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The mayor was attacked from all sides and had very few backers. Part of it was the way she went about it…making a unilateral decision without consulting anyone. But the biggest part was the way the world is now. I could have been a mediator by profession because I can easily see both sides of this issue. People were feeling attacked and that, in the spirit of political correctness, they felt the mayor was trying to steal Christmas. When, in actuality, she was just trying to be kind to everyone in the community.

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As I read the comments to the story, several of them were from minorities saying they never felt they were “less than” or “excluded” because of Christmas celebrations. While they didn’t observe the holiday themselves, they never felt threatened by other people celebrating. I remember talking to a Rabbi once and asked him what he would do regarding my children’s participation in these programs. He said “Lip synch the words to the religious songs and belt out the secular ones. There is a lot of beautiful music in the Christian faith. I think it’s very important that we don’t try to dilute anyone’s holiday.” That made a lot of sense to me.

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This story brings to mind something that happened to me when I lived in that small mountain town in Colorado. Hubby #2 was a new physician and we had only lived in town a few years. One Christmas, a couple of things came to a head that are very similar to what happened in Charleston this month. 

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First, the wife of one of my husband’s colleagues was Jewish and she had two sons in the public grade school. There was no mention in the curriculum of any holidays besides Christian ones. She wanted the children to have a greater world view and asked if she could form an ad hoc committee to explore how to go about broadening the horizons without stepping on anyone’s toes. Even though my younger daughter was only a baby at the time, I knew she would be going to the same school in a few years so I said yes when I was asked to join.

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We held meetings with the school board. We offered to provide children’s books for the school library with stories about Chanukah and Passover. We volunteered to come into the classes during story time and share traditional foods of other cultures. And, we asked that the school program in December be renamed the Winter Festival. That’s where we ran into road blocks and it got ugly…fast. Our mayor hung a banner across the Main Street through town claiming that “The heathens are trying to steal Christmas from our children! Don’t let that happen!” Those were the exact words. Heathens. 

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In the historical context, the word heathen means “an individual or a people that do not acknowledge the God of the Bible; a person who is neither a Jew, Christian, nor Muslim; a pagan.” We certainly were NOT heathens and it was a blatant slur…not the least of the discriminatory experiences I encountered in my years as a member of the Jewish community.

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Our little mountain town was formed by a large ranching and mining community. There were two black children, a handful of Hispanic children, and no Asians the year my daughter started 7th grade. We had relocated there from Denver where my daughter was in a tri-lingual classroom…English, Spanish, and Vietnamese. Her school was a cross section of humanity and she was dumbfounded by the “white bread” community she found herself living in. Every holiday, a large cross was lit on the top of a mountain within view of the whole town, reminding everyone that that “we celebrate Christmas in this town.”

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At the same time the banner went up across the Main Street and the cross was lit on the hill, we found out that the cross was on city property and the electricity was being paid for with tax money. This is where I had a problem. I can educate. I can buy books and bake cookies till the cows come home, but there is a separation of church and state in this country and the founding fathers made it that way on purpose. I believe in honoring that and if I would have been Christian at the time, I still would have believed in that.

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Then, things shifted in town. It turns out the ACLU got wind of the situation and put the town on notice they would be taken to court if they didn’t make other arrangements for the cross on the hill. A citizen donated a piece of land up higher than the original location, and a new and larger cross was erected. Every year, a collection takes place to pay for the electricity and upkeep of the cross. I was thrilled with that because it was not only even more beautiful than before, it now complied with the law.

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As time went on, some things in town got better, but there was still an undercurrent of anti-Semitism. When Daughter #2, who was just a baby when this all went down, was in high school, she was bullied and called a “stupid, effing Jew” among other derogatory comments. I went to the administration but the bullying continued and we finally determined she would be happier at the alternative high school.

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She is doing well now. She is 29 and married. But she carries the emotional scars from her experiences. This is why I am sensitive to all people. This is why I don’t want the little Jehovah’s Witness children to have to sit in the cafeteria, ostracized by their peers because of their beliefs. I want the little Jewish children to be included in the holiday extravaganza because they have a holiday to celebrate, too. I don’t want any child to feel left out.

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I don’t know what the answer is for you. All I know is, I personally know what discrimination feels like. And I know what it feels like to hold your child in your arms when she’s been crushed by bullies. Therefore, I say “Happy Holidays” if I am not sure of the person’s beliefs. I don’t care if someone says Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas to me. I am not insulted. Why would I be? It’s a blessing when someone wishes you well. I’ll take that any day of the week over some of the terrible things people feel free to say to each other these days. Because…kindness matters.

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❤️

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#KindnessMatters, #Discrimination, #HappyHolidays

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“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.”\n

2 Peter 1:5-9 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-30T02:30:32-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/30/when-kindness-matters-most.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Grace","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/26/tuesday-truth-when-you-canstep.html", "title": "Tuesday Truth: When You CAN...Step Away", "content_html": "

\"Meme\" “It’s OK to step away!”

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Do you have trouble stepping away from toxic relationships? Do you find you are people pleasing yourself into a corner? Are you feeling pressed into doing traditional holiday things even though you would rather not? Or maybe you just can’t face your ____________ (insert relative/friend here) this year…or ANY year? Well, I’m going to do something here…pay very close attention.

\n

Step away.

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If you need “permission” then, here…I’m giving you permission.

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Holidays can be especially difficult if you’re grieving. Or if you have underlying health issues. Or, you know…if you happen to be human. If you are over the age of consent, holidays can be much more painful than they are pleasurable. 

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For the last month, I’ve been really looking forward to going over to my cousin’s house for Thanksgiving. I don’t get to see her nearly often enough and this year it was for a very brief visit last month. I love to go and stay over a couple of days, but circumstances change. There are health issues with some of the older generation over there. Last year we left here early Thanksgiving morning, drove over, discovered my aunt had fallen and she and my uncle couldn’t attend dinner, so Mr. FixIt and I packed up a dinner for them and drove it to his house. This added another hour of driving…each way. Then, after our Thanksgiving meal back at my cousin’s house, we got in the tuck and drove home. It made for a very long day and was not relaxing nor fun even though it was great to see everyone.

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When I returned on Halloween from the six week camping excursion with the rpod and discovered we had a new kitten, everything changed. Now there are no more impromptu trips and I am not up for a drive-by. I took the self-care approach and opted out. Now we can work hard to finish the back bathroom this week and get the sink, toilet, and shower stall out of our living room in time for our family gathering on Sunday.

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Sometimes it’s a sibling. Or an aging parent. You may feel guilty for stepping away, but as I tell you so often, you cannot fill someone else with an empty cup. WE are no good to anyone, including ourselves, if we continue putting ourselves in situations that are toxic and abusive. 

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I know, I know…there are times when you may be the only one that person has. There may be situations where you are a caregiver and there IS no other option. If you feel stuck…it’s ok to look for options. It’s ok to step away and take care of yourself. It’s ok to stay home and eat a hotdog for Thanksgiving if that will give you more peace. Surround yourself with the people who love you and lift you up and celebrate you if that’s what you want to do. But…give yourself permission to stay home if you need to. It’s ok.

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❤️

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“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”\n

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-26T02:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/26/tuesday-truth-when-you-canstep.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/24/refill-your-cup.html", "title": "Refill Your Cup", "content_html": "

\"Baby “You can’t fill someone else with an empty cup.”

\n

I met the Coffee Divas from my high school class yesterday. We try to meet once a month or so but I’ve been gone so much this year, it’s been a little less than that. When I returned from my WV tour in the Girl Camper charity raffle trailer, I was really ready to just be at home for a little bit. I wouldn’t say I was burned out…that sounds so negative and it wasn’t a negative kind of feeling at all. I just missed home and missed my sweet Mr. FixIt and I was ready to just be in one place and not move for a while.

\n

There were eight of us at coffee yesterday. We are all so different…yet so similar. We’ve gone through a lot of the same things…sometimes at the same time…sometimes not. The wonderful thing about being “of a certain age” is our ability to relate to so many different experiences. One of my friends lost her mom a year ago Friday. She’s been experiencing all the things the come with that and I was so happy to see her reaching out as she lifts herself up from that slump we all go through in the year after a significant loss.

\n

One of the gals had never been to one of our coffees. She knew some of us but not all. I never knew her in school, but she knew Mr. FixIt. She is introverted, as so many are. And she was stretching her boundaries to reach out and make new friends. That is not an easy thing to do when you’re sixty-six. We welcomed her with open arms. I watched a change come over her as the two hours passed. When she came in, her shoulders were tense…her eyes searching for a familiar face. By the time she left, her eyes danced and her dazzling smile said she had reached a happy place. Her cup was being filled.

\n

As we chatted about the places we find ourselves on this journey, I told the girls we cannot expect to fill others with an empty cup. We have to get replenished…to drink from the well and be filled ourselves. I told them…it is not selfish to practice self-care. I love that we are there for each other…this variety of women whose singular most common thread is the high school class we graduated from.

\n

I feel so much better now after being home a few weeks. I’ve rested. I’m sleeping well. I’ve had lots of hugs from my sweetheart and snuggled my great grandbabies. This week is Thanksgiving. Our plans are fluid. We might go to my cousin’s house. We might just stay home. Our local family Thanksgiving celebration is next Sunday. This is a week for all of us to reflect on the blessings we have…whether we are on the mountain top…or in a dark valley. 

\n

This is our time to look for ways to fill up our cups. When I look to God first as my Source, I’m filled with Living Water. When I look to my loved ones second, I’m filled with the blessings He has already given me. As you walk into this week, may you remember to fill your cup first so you can be a fount of inspiration for others. And may you encounter peace and love.

\n

❤️

\n
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”\n

Romans 15:13 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-24T02:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/24/refill-your-cup.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/22/drum-roll-pleaseim-a-girl.html", "title": "Drum Roll, Please...I’m a Girl Camper Guide!", "content_html": "

\"Three “The Three Girl Camper Amigas…Ginny, Gail, and Janine!”

\n

You’ve heard me refer to a “big project” I’ve been involved with over the last year and the time has come for the big reveal. It all started when my dear friends, Janine Pettit and Gail Bable, were having an impromptu “slumber party”. Janine was driving cross country and called to say she was headed to Gail’s in Ohio to spend the night. I was the same distance away on the opposite side so I threw some things in a bag, kissed Mr. FixIt on the forehead and off I went.

\n

After supper, we were sitting around drinking tea and knitting when Janine said she had something she wanted to talk to us about. She had a vision for Girl Camper…the website that accompanies her Podcast. She told us all about it and we started throwing ideas around. It’s been a lot of work and a whole lot of fun over the last year and now all the work has paid off!

\n

I am now wearing even MORE hats!

\n

There is an all new Girl Camper website! It has so many new features. You can listen to Podcasts. You can read Girl Camper Stories. There is a section called Girl Camper Wisdom and another that features Experts. We have a new Food Editor…Kate Dunbar, the Campground Gourmet! And…Janine is introducing “Girl Camper Guides”. Each state on the map colored red has a Guide. Gail and I are sharing Ohio and West Virginia. Gail writes from her vast experience as a lifelong camper, mother of ten, and camp host extraordinaire! I am writing for Girl Camper Moments. We will have camping and educational events and Meet and Greets in the coming year. And…I am the RPod Ambassador for the Annual Girl Camper Charity Raffle!

\n

We are so excited! 

\n

You can browse the site at: www.girlcamper.com

\n

You can visit the Ohio-West Virginia page at: www.girlcamper.com/ohio-west-va

\n

Browse around and see what you think! Leave a comment! Sign up for the newsletter! Listen to Podcasts! It’s a lot of fun…whether you camp or not. In the meantime, I’ll still be here…sharing my daily thoughts with you all.

\n

Thank you all for all of your amazing support!

\n

❤️

\n
“Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, with integrity and godly sincerity. We have done so, relying not on worldly wisdom but on God’s grace.”\n

2 Corinthians 1:12 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-22T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/22/drum-roll-pleaseim-a-girl.html", "tags": ["Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Humbled","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/19/healing-and-scars-and-joy.html", "title": "Healing and Scars and Joy", "content_html": "

\"Grief “Although grief is never finished, healing can occur and you can use your scars to help others.”

\n

Grief doesn’t run in a straight line. Anything but. We’d love to see the slow and steady climb from that deep, dark valley head right up the side of that mountain to joy. But, unfortunately…it just doesn’t happen that way. Grief runs all skwiggly-skwog…up and down, back and forth, around and around and around. 

\n

At first you don’t think you are making any progress at all. You can’t feel anything but pain. You cant see two minutes in front of you. It’s a bloody wonder we survive at all. The world is dark. No color…no sound…and certainly no joy.

\n

One of the things people had the hardest time understanding in my early writing was the “gems in the flames”. I always looked for those gifts God left for me along my path as he led me through the fire. This wasn’t just a Pollyanna attempt to keep my glass half full. This was an exercise in faith knowing that…even in my darkest, most painful moments…my cup was still full to overflowing because Jesus was in that valley with me. Urging me on. Asking me to trust Him and just take one more step.

\n

It’s easy to have faith when things are looking good. When you’re standing on the mountaintop and you’re feeling great, you may even forget to thank God for carrying you through the muck. Or, you might throw a cursory “Thanks!” His way then think “I’ve got this!” No, it’s when you’re down at your lowest…when life is hard and painful and dirty and ugly…and you beg for God to catch you and bring you out of this that you lean in closest.

\n

When you’re walking the road of grief and things hurt so bad and grieving tears your heart out of your chest, you may very well be tempted to take a shortcut. Circumvent the whole process, push that nasty wad of grief way, way down deep inside and slap a smile on your face. Because, let’s face it…that’s what the world is usually asking you to do. “Aren’t you over this yet?” “You just need to _____________” (fill in the blank with any of a zillion suggestions you receive). The sheer variety of platitudes is mind numbing. 

\n

Oh, you can try to walk around it or climb under it, but one of these days, that bandage is going to come off and you’re going to have to face grief head on and it’s going to be ten times worse than it was before. At least, that’s what happened with me when I tried to date someone way…WAY too soon after Mr. Virgo died. 

\n

Even four years after Mr. Virgo died and I started dating Mr. Fixit, I was still pretty broken. Fortunately, he has a huge heart and an infinite amount of patience with me. He allowed me to talk it all through with him. He’s a great listener. Then one day, I didn’t feel compelled to talk about it as much and my heart truly started to heal. 

\n

Mr. Virgo came along when I was in a really vulnerable place. I had gone through a particularly difficult and ugly breakup/divorce five years before. And still, for the first year, that man listened oh so patiently as I went though all the gory details and told him every sad and angry story. He saw the potential and he invested in our love. 

\n

Both of these men love me with the white hot heat of the sun. Neither relationship would have ever worked had I not already worked through a lot of the pain of grief…both that of divorce and that of death. Those two men I dated between Mr. Virgo’s death and Mr. FixIt’s arrival though? Oy! I bled all over them from wounds they never caused. It wasn’t fair to them. I hate that I was blind and couldn’t see past my own need for a tourniquet.

\n

Fortunately, I did come to some understanding how unfair it was to another person to try to have a relationship too soon. That’s when I stopped trying to date and started a serious relationship with Jesus. Then…when I was in a much better place…I was ready to open my heart and try again. It isn’t easy. There’s nothing about grief that is easy. And if you are in the throes of it, you will not understand this, but…I’ve come to look at every situation with a level of Joy. Maybe not jump up and down happy-happy joy. But with the Joy of knowing I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and will never, ever leave me. I have Jesus to hang onto when I go through the worst of situations. THAT Joy….that Joy with a capital “J”. 

\n

There is Joy in the scars because you have the opportunity to share your story with others. You have the opportunity to reach back to others coming behind you who are trying to find their footing in their pain. Your scars give you the freedom to love others. Your scars give you validity. They show others they aren’t alone. And when you can be there for another who hurts like you once hurt, you give the greatest gift possible. Empathy. 

\n

You don’t have to have flowery words. You don’t have to offer Hallmark phrases. You can give a hug, sit quietly, or just be honest and say, “Whew…I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.” It’s isn’t easy to be there for someone who’s in pain, but it is so fulfilling to know you can somehow help another human being when they’re hurting.

\n

Being vulnerable. Being available. Being open and honest. That is where I find my Joy in grief.

\n

❤️

\n
“Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.”\n

Psalms 30:2 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-19T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/19/healing-and-scars-and-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/15/date-night-at-rural-king.html", "title": "Date Night at Rural King", "content_html": "

\"WV “What a beautiful night for a date at Rural King…my favorite farm store!”

\n

A couple of days ago, Mr. FixIt needed to go into town to get a special drill bit. He’s back to working on our master bath! We have to fit in home jobs when the grass isn’t growing and he’s finished with all the outside jobs he does. When the weather turned cold, I came in off the road from my camping tour and we set to doing the things around here that have been put on hold.

\n

The big outside job Mr. FixIt has been working on is the huge covered front porch he built on the front of his ex-wife’s house. One of my bonus granddaughters told me there are people who don’t understand how I’m ok with that. Well, first off…she’s paying him, so it’s a job. But, beyond that, why on earth would I, or SHOULD I be upset by that? 

\n

She is the mother of his children. They share grandchildren and great grandchildren. She’s a wonderful person and I just love her. Our granddaughter told the person she was talking to that she thinks it’s awesome that we all get along and talk to each other. It makes it so much easier for the family if they aren’t being torn by split loyalties. Couples may divorce. But you don’t divorce your family. And as far as I’m concerned, we are all family.

\n

Anyway, he’s finished with all but just a little touch up over there and that has to wait till spring for good weather. And now we’re focused on getting things done at home. That prompted the trip to town. He asked if I wanted to ride along with him. Listen, this man knows me. He didn’t have to ask twice to get me to go to Rural King and Lowe’s. 

\n

I love home improvement stores and farm stores. I needed to get a heated water dish for the kitten just to make sure she always has fresh water available. Rural King has them…AND free popcorn! As we came out of the store, the entire sky was bright pink all the way around us. It was like being inside a big pink bubble. I love the sunsets at this time of year. They seem to be so vibrant. After the fun stops, we went to our favorite pizza place…Pete’s Pizza. Honestly…the best pizza I think I have ever had comes out of this little family owned restaurant in Mineral Wells, WV. 

\n

I went to the farm yesterday to make sure all is well. I unplugged the pump in case the gas should go off and a pipe should freeze and burst. Wouldn’t want to flood the basement and burn out the pump. This cold spell has kept the Asian Lady Beetles at bay and I only swept up about a half a cup of them this time. I still haven’t been brave enough to go upstairs to look.

\n

When I went into the cellar house to unplug the pump, I saw there was a lot of white, hairy mold growing on the wood of the old potato bin. The cellar house is no longer water tight so it’s always damp in there. Next summer, when we have a dry spell, we need to open up that door and air it out. I also need to spray the mold with a bleach solution, I think. I will do some research on that. It isn’t the black mold that is so toxic. Maybe I’ll take the dehumidifier from the bathroom and put it out there for the winter. That would solve two problems. First, it would decrease the humidity. But a dehumidifier also puts off a fair amount of heat…enough to keep the pipes on the pump from freezing when we get a REALLY cold snap.

\n

When you live in the country, and you have an endless list of chores that need doing, you have to find your date nights where you can get them. Mr. FixIt is a lucky man…I like hardware, power tools…and pizza!

\n

❤️

\n
“The Lord will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The Lord your God will bless you in the land he is giving you.”\n

Deuteronomy 28:8 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-15T02:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/15/date-night-at-rural-king.html", "tags": ["Family","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/10/walking-among-the-headstones.html", "title": "Walking Among The Headstones", "content_html": "

\"Old “Walking among the dead, speaking their names.”

\n

I’ve always been drawn to old cemeteries. The headstones that are crooked and worn, the names fading away with time till someday…no one knows who the departed was nor to whom they were dear. There is always a note of sadness in that. I’ve had people say as long as you continue to speak of him and keep him in your heart, he’s still with you. Yes…and no. HIs memory is always and forever with me. He is not. He is gone…never to return. The finality struck me deeply in the second year of my grief journey when I was no longer numb and couldn’t pretend anymore.

\n

What happens to these old headstones and the people they hover over? When no one ever speaks the names because they are gone from the memory of those who came after? In my genealogy research, I visited the graves of my great great grandparents. But I didn’t know them. I had never met them. The only thing I knew were maybe a couple of stories and a glimpse of what they looked like in a grainy photograph of a photograph. My children, grandchildren, great grandchildren? What will they know of them if I don’t tell them or write it down.

\n

That is one of the ripple effects of this blog. What started out as my way of walking through a very dark valley has turned, not only into a chronicle of my life and travels, but that of the generations before me. I hope someday that my great great grandchildren will read the words I’ve set down here and see the photographs I’ve posted. I want them to know and understand their roots. I want them to know ME. Then maybe, when the letters have faded from my own headstone, they’ll have a part of me that still lives on. A legacy, as it were. 

\n

It is a Jewish tradition to place a small stone on a headstone you have visited. That way, when others come, they know someone has been there to honor their loved one. I remember the first time I went to visit Mr. Virgo’s grave after someone left something there for him. It was a pack of his favorite cigarettes. I’ve found new stones in the circle surrounding his grave as well as the occasional golf ball or coin. It’s good to know others remember him. His family have largely cut all contact with me, so I have no idea if they ever come to visit him. They all live out of state, so I doubt it seriously.

\n

I only go to Colorado once a year now. I always visit the cemetery as many times as I can. I clean up his grave and replace the stones in the circle. I always leave something to mark when I’ve visited. This past summer, I noticed how grown up the cemetery was because of the heavy spring rains. Yet, Mr. Virgo’s grave was weeded and neat as a pin. I stopped the groundskeeper my last visit of the trip and thanked him. When I moved away in 2014, I pressed a crisp $100 bill in his hand and implored him to look after the grave as I wouldn’t be there regularly anymore. With tears in his eyes, he swore he would. And he has.

\n

The cemetery in this photo is in Twin Falls State Park here in West Virginia. What struck me first was the markers. There were the typical headstones…these with hand carved names indicating the poverty and remoteness of the region and the times. There were also stones at the foot of the grave. This gave a true visual of how many of these graves were occupied by children. The closer these stones were together, the younger the child. Well over half the graves were those of young children. Primitive rural healthcare, rampant infectious diseases, and poverty all contributed to high mortality in children prior to the twentieth century. I found several instances in my own genealogy research where families lost multiple children within days of each other. 

\n

I don’t know that visiting graves is something that interests the younger generations. I was raised going. We even had picnics in the cemetery on Decoration Day where my paternal ancestors are buried. I took my kids, but I don’t know that they will continue that with their own children. Maybe when they are older and feel their own mortality creeping in. We all seem to change our priorities as we approach the finish line, don’t we?

\n

❤️

\n
““Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?””\n

1 Corinthians 15:55 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-10T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/10/walking-among-the-headstones.html", "tags": ["Family","West Virginia","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/09/baby-its-cold-outside.html", "title": "Baby, It’s Cold Outside!", "content_html": "

\"Weather “The cold, arctic air is hitting deep into the south in the coming week.”

\n

I think Mother Nature has other ideas for me than traveling through the Blue Ridge Mountains through an Arctic cold front. Last week, I had every intention to knock out the arm-long list of things that needed my attention and be back on the road by this time. Then, I got home. And got a real look at what needs done around here. The temps have gotten increasingly colder day by day with next week looking even worse. To top that off…there’s the new kitten. We can’t just up and leave now. It’s going to take more planning than it has in the past. That’s not to say we won’t be going anywhere, but honestly…I do not want to be off somewhere and not be able to get back because of bad weather. 

\n

In the meantime, we’ve been hustling around the farm and the Ponderosa battening down the hatches before the coldest weather of the year arrives. The top of the agenda was the pool. We really needed to get the level down and unhook the pump before last night as the low this morning was predicted to be 22°. Mr. FixIt worked all day Thursday in the cold rain and got that  finished. Now we just need to get the cover over it and it’s put to bed for the winter. I emptied the food from the r-pod and turned off the refrigerator yesterday in preparation for the coming cold snap.

\n

Cold weather is perfect for a big pot of homemade soup. When I was at the store Thursday, asparagus was on sale for $.99 a pound. I bought two pounds and made a pot of Cream of Asparagus soup. I’ve never made it before and it was divine! I made enough for four big bowls for under $4.00! Here’s the recipe should you wish to try it.

\n

Cream of Asparagus Soup

\n

2 lbs. fresh asparagus, washed, trimmed, and chopped in 1” pieces

\n

1 large onion, chopped

\n

4 tbsp. unsalted butter

\n

4 cups chicken broth

\n

1 cup heavy cream

\n

Salt and pepper to taste

\n

1/4 tsp. Lemon juice

\n

Melt butter in soup pot and add onion and chopped asparagus. Stir over medium heat till onion  begins to become transparent. Add chicken broth. Cover and simmer over low heat till asparagus is very soft. Remove from heat and purée using a blender, food processor, or hand held blending wand. Return to heat, add cream, and bring just to a boil. Add lemon juice and salt and pepper to taste and serve hot or cold.

\n

It was delicious and so quick and easy to make. Mr. FixIt said he had never had Cream of Asparagus soup before and he loved it!

\n

Today’s culinary circus will include a Sour Cream Apple Pie and Homemade Ooey Gooey Macaroni and Cheese! These are the days I love…the days I’ve worked so hard for this year. What’s cooking in YOUR kitchen today?

\n

❤️

\n
\n “Give us today our daily bread.”\n

Matthew 6:11 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-09T02:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/09/baby-its-cold-outside.html", "tags": ["Family","Positive Energy","Fun","Gratitude","Comfort","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/07/and-soit-begins.html", "title": "And So...It Begins", "content_html": "

\"Black “One week. Two vet visits. Still in love!”

\n

The tale of the little black kitten continues. If you’ve been following along, Mr. FixIt broke the news to me gently over breakfast last week that he’d been seeing another woman. Young, sleek, athletic, this raven-haired beauty had stolen his heart when I so ruthlessly left him to his own devices at the Ponderosa. At first, I was stunned that he could so blithely betray me in such a way. And without even a touch of remorse, too! Humph!!!

\n

Then, just a few hours later, I met her myself. I was determined to not like her. I didn’t WANT her in my life. I liked things just the way they were, thank you very much. But, as I was unhooking the camper, Mr. FixIt stole away to find his little lady-friend and bring her ‘round to meet me. She ran to me with wild abandon and every shred of resolve I had to NOT like her dissolved on the spot.

\n

And…we were cat owners. Well…as much as you can actually OWN a cat.

\n

I took the kitten, now appropriately named Pumpkin to fit in with the whole black-cat-on-Halloween vibe, to the vet on Tuesday for her first shots and a thorough exam. She has obviously been handled by people because she isn’t in the least bit worried about anything. After the initial “get me out of this box” dance in the cat carrier, she settled in quite easily. Everyone at the vet’s office remarked how incredibly laid back this kitten is.

\n

She weighs a little over four pounds. Healthy and sleek. Her lab tests showed she does not have feline leukemia nor does she have intestinal parasites. They figured she is around three months old. They gave her the appropriate vaccines and sent us on our way. In two minutes, she was asleep in the carrier and slept all the way home.

\n

I fed her some kitten food, she demonstrated her excellent litter box skills (I didn’t have to train her, by the way) and readily went inside her nice warm kitty condo in the pole building for a well deserved snooze. I came out to check on her a couple of times and each time, she was more and more lethargic. 

\n

I called the vet’s office and they said kittens can get reactions like our own babies did when they got their shots and she should be fine, just to watch her. Well, yesterday morning she was even worse. She wouldn’t purr, and when I turned her over in my arms for a cuddle, she cried pitifully and tried to nip at me. I knew this wasn’t right so I called the vet again. They asked me to bring her in for a look.

\n

Turned out, she was running quite a fever. They needed to give her fluids subcutaneously and a dose of an anti inflammatory to get her fever down. I took her home afterward and by evening she was much, much improved.

\n

One of my dearest friends is quite the cat person, so I was sharing all the details with her yesterday. Diane knows me well. I could just see the look on her face as she read about the “first real emergency”. I think eye-rolling might have been involved just before the “lol”. I’m a bit of a princess. Maybe ever so slightly “high needs”. I think it’s only fitting that God sends me a kitten to love who is, perhaps, a “Delicate Flower 2.0”, as Diane put it. 

\n

Kismet. Karma. God has a sense of humor.

\n

The thing is, I haven’t loved an animal for a long time. Oh, we had Cricket…Mr. Virgo’s little Yorkie-Maltese mix who was already ten years old when we met. Cricket was hard to be head over heels in love with. She barked incessantly and did her business anywhere she darn well pleased in my house. She did not like my grandchildren because she did not understand what these little aliens were. I loved her because she was one of God’s creatures, and because she was Mr. Virgo’s. I loved Old Mama Kitty, but I couldn’t pick her up and hold her. I loved my black lab, Sidney. And then there was that dog of my heart, Boofer…oh, I was crushed when she had to be put down with a brain tumor at only seven.

\n

No, I had closed off my heart to pets. I swore I would never go down this road again. Then, this little ball of fur came bounding into my arms and something opened up in my chest that I didn’t even realize was closed. Something all soft and sweet and vibrant, like the purring of a thousand kittens, vibrated in my heart and I became just a little bit more…alive.

\n

❤️

\n
“The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”\n

Proverbs 12:10 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-07T02:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/07/and-soit-begins.html", "tags": ["Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Love","Choices","Change","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/04/does-time-heal-all-wounds.html", "title": "Does Time Heal All Wounds?", "content_html": "

\"Time\" “Does time heal all my wounds? Not in my time…but in God’s time.”

\n

I’ve been struggling a little with re-entry. The rhythm of the road is different than that at home and I always have a bit of a hard time adjusting. It’s a little like the let down after the holidays…you know, when you have to get back to reality. Not that it’s a bad thing. It’s just always a little sad when the party is over. 

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Yesterday morning I woke up at what seemed like a reasonable time with the time change. As I stretched and thanked God for letting me open my eyes to face another day, I went through my morning inventory. I noticed I felt a little down so I searched around in my mind as to what might be going on beyond the normal re-entry slump.

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Then it came back to me. I was having a dream when I awoke. In my dream, I was sitting at a desk, going through my calendar, and realized it had been over six-and-a-half years since I had spoken with Mr. Virgo. In the dream, he hadn’t died…I had just seemed to have lost contact with him. I was really confused, like…did I go someplace and forget him? Did I tell him I’d call him when I got there and then just…didn’t? If that was the case, then why hadn’t he tried to contact me? What on earth was keeping him so tied up that he couldn’t find the time to text or call me? Then, of course, I woke up. And reality is reality. He is gone. I am here and happily married to Mr. FixIt. So, why did I have such a dream?

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There aren’t answers to that, really. I believe it was Freud who said, “a cigar is sometimes just a cigar”. There’s no reason to psychoanalyze every little thing. We have dreams. Things happen. Life moves with its own rhythm. Still, dreams like that can stir something deeper and create a ripple in the force.

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The day went on and was lovely. Church, breakfast, errands, a nice Sunday afternoon snooze. Then, I went into the bedroom for something and had that old familiar urge to call my mom. I always called her on Sunday evenings. I miss those calls and it made my heart ache a little. Then I thought of my kids and how busy they are and they don’t call me on Sunday evenings and…

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That particular snowball had to stop right there. It doesn’t do any good to go down that road and make myself miserable over things I have no control over. There are wounds that heal with time. They become so small they don’t even leave a scar. There are wounds that heal and leave visible scars. Then there are those that not only have the scars, but also have varying degrees of pain. Like the phantom pain of a leg long gone or a throbbing knee when it rains.

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Grief and time. I see them like those models of DNA. A twisted ladder, connected and spiraling. Never really finished. Never quite tangible. Always affected by our emotional temperature. No…time doesn’t heal all wounds. But, God does. When I remember to stop trying to handle hot coals with my bare hands and give them to my Father to carry, my wounds are bound up. It’s just the remembering to turn them over that trips me up every time.

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❤️

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“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”\n

Psalms 147:3 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-04T02:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/04/does-time-heal-all-wounds.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Comfort","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/02/meetpumpkin-the-kitten.html", "title": "Meet.....Pumpkin, the Kitten!", "content_html": "

\"Black “Kitty has an appropriate Halloween name…Pumpkin!”

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I hit the ground running yesterday. The first order of business was to haul the camper to the nearest dump station…a lovely fifty-four mile round trip drive out to and up the interstate and back. When I woke up at 8:00, it was a whopping 36 degrees. Two hours later, when I was finally hooked up and ready to go, it was all the way up to 37! Ohhhhh, I really wasn’t looking forward to that, but it had to be done. Last night’s overnight low was predicted to get down to 27 and stay there for four hours. That’s when you get freezing and possible damage to water lines in a camper.

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The only way I have ever winterized a camper was to run pink RV antifreeze through the lines. But this camper is different. I looked it up on YouTube and it said to open the drains, dump the tanks, pour some antifreeze in the wastewater tanks to keep any residual from freezing, and take out the element in the hot water heater. Then, you go around and turn on each faucet, one at a time, and turn on the water pump. Any residual water left inside should drain out through the low water drain. It worked like a charm! But, man…I was chilled to the bone when I was done.

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I pulled the camper back home and unhooked, fully expecting to head back to town and run errands on my list that’s a mile long. As I sat in the truck, I took inventory. Have you ever had to sit yourself down and give yourself a stern talking to? Well, that was me yesterday. I was feeling overwhelmed by the expectations I was placing on myself. No one else was telling, or even asking, me to get everything done. I counted up what I had already accomplished. I looked at the list to see what I could do alone, and what I would need Mr. FixIt’s help with. I checked off the list of phone calls I had already made. Then I took a physical inventory. My shoulders and neck were so tense and tight, I was getting a headache. My body was just…tired. So…I gave myself permission to kick back for the rest of the day.

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I got out of the truck and the little black kitten came running and rubbed against my legs. I reached down and picked it up and really gave it a good once-over. Well, except for checking the nether regions. It still just didn’t occur to me to look. I was more interested in testing the kitten’s demeanor. One of the tests you do with puppies is to cradle them in your arm on their backs to see if they trust you. An alpha won’t have anything to do with that. And that may be a more stubborn, if not aggressive, animal. I didn’t know if it worked with cats, but this little baby let me roll it over and snuggle and scratch it all over. It purred like an Evinrude motor on a power boat. It head butts you to snuggle face to face and taps you very gently on the face. What a precious baby!

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I held it up to look face to face. 

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“What is your name, little one? Hmmm? Is it…Spooky? You’re a black little who came to me on Halloween. It should be a festive name to commemorate the holiday. How about Snickers? You’re pretty sweet, and that’s my favorite Halloween candy. Someone suggested Ash or Asher, but I don’t know whether you’re a boy or girl. They thought Boo was cute, but that’s what we call our little Boone, now isn’t it.”

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By this time, I was at the bay doors on the pole building. There is an old kitchen stool there and Mr. FixIt put a couple of our pumpkins on it. I plopped the kitten down and took a picture. I looked up from the camera app on my iPhone and smiled.

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“Pumpkin! THAT’S your name, isn’t it?!?! I knew if I listened close enough, you’d tell me, you sweet little snuggle-bug.” I picked up the kitty and was again serenade with that mystical sound of purring. Now that the kitten has a name, Pumpkin just rolls off my tongue. So sweet, so simple. Such simple pleasures found in a sweet kitten. I had forgotten. The last time I had a kitten this size, I was in 9th grade and I talked my mom into letting me have a little orange marmalade kitten from my friend Sharon’s cat. 

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I gave the kitten a little more snuggle time and then went in to stretch out and read till Mr. FixIt came home. My nose was running like a sugar tree from handling the cat, but I wasn’t wheezing. That was a good sign. I washed my hands well, and was careful not to touch my face or eyes. I’m definitely allergic, but we’ll see how much of this I can get away with. Because this feels like something I didn’t even know I needed. Kittens are good medicine.

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I have an appointment Tuesday for a checkup and shots. We’ll see how old Pumpkin is and when we can get him/her fixed. Today I will fix a winter box with a pet safe heating pad in it. I had those for the cats out at the farm. I’ll also get a heated water dish. The kitten seems to really like the safety of the building. We won’t have any mice in there anymore once this one gets big enough to catch them. And, there isn’t any poison in there. It’s a good, clean, safe place to sleep all cozy warm in a kitty condo. When we are home, the kitten is glued to us so…I think we’ve got this!

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Oh, and I slept in the house for the first time in a month last night. I feel like I’m in prison after the freedom of the road. It’ll take time to acclimate, but last night’s low of 27 drove me back inside. In the meantime, I am filled with wonderful memories of the latest “Great Adventure”!

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❤️

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“You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.”\n

Isaiah 55:12 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-02T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/02/meetpumpkin-the-kitten.html", "tags": ["Family","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","Peace","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change","The Cats","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/30/premonitions-and-pioneers.html", "title": "Premonitions and Pioneers", "content_html": "

\"Pioneer ‘Visiting a Pioneer Farm is a step back in time.”

\n

Yesterday was a strange day from the get go. I woke up at 3:30 in the morning knowing something wasn’t right. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. After determining I hadn’t eaten anything that would cause such a feeling, I got up, wrapped my camp jacket around me and stepped outside to look at the stars. The sky was crystal clear and the stars looked so close you could just reach up and touch them. I stood there for awhile in my bare feet letting the energy from the earth seep up through my body. When I was sufficiently chilled, literally and figuratively, I went back to bed. But I couldn’t get back to sleep until dawn.

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I finally woke up at around 10:00…absolutely unheard of for me these days. I’m usually awake with the chickens. I stumbled around, did my morning toilette, then dressed and cleaned the camper. Finally around 11:30, I packed up my writing implements and headed for the lodge and good WiFi. I created a movie of the best photos I’d taken on this WV tour and wrote till about 3:00 in the afternoon. 

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I headed to the Pioneer Farm that’s on the back of the park property. This farm was abandoned for a long time, but people were always vandalizing it so now there is a farmer and his family living here. There was no one home when I was there so I wandered around taking pictures and marveling at its timeless beauty. I sat for a while and watched two horses and a donkey browse on the sparse grass in the meadow and felt more peaceful than I had most of the day.

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On my way back to the campground, I stopped at the Nature Center and introduced myself to the Naturalist. Tammy is a cat bird. She has a coal country drawl that put me in mind of the Deep South but she assured me she was born and raised within a stone’s throw of the park. She apologized that she had recently let all the critters go. She normally traps possums and raccoons, tags them, and keeps them in the Nature Center for a few weeks to teach people about them. Then she sends them back off into the wild to track their whereabouts and traps another one to tag.

\n

Tammy wasn’t originally hired to be a Park Naturalist. She was supposed to be a campground attendant. She doesn’t have a degree in biology, but she has a knack for nature…two and four legged. She was taking campers for nature hikes when the Park Administrators saw they had a gem in Tammy and told her she should apply for the Naturalist position. And the rest is history. She was a delight to talk with. She smiled as I left and called after me…”Put me in your book!” You bet I will, Tammy!

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As I was pulling back into the campground, it happened. There was a low grinding noise coming from my truck and I knew that is where my uneasiness was coming from. Something hasn’t been quite right with the truck for a couple of days but I just couldn’t discern exactly what was troubling me. A sound, maybe? A smell, perhaps? Whatever it was, I kept shifting it to the back of my mind…yet still monitored the situation.

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When I heard that noise, I knew there was something mechanically wrong with the truck. And that puts me in an uncomfortable position. First, I am here alone. There are two other campers in all of the campground and I am grateful for them. But they aren’t going to help me in this situation. I do not like being in a situation I cannot get out of quickly. It stems from being trapped in a garage as a young child and sexually assaulted. To say I have control issues is putting it mildly.

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I went into the camper and made myself sit down and think. What I wanted to do was hook up the camper and get out of here, but of course…that wasn’t the right thing to do. I texted Mr. FixIt but I knew he was working and his phone would be in the truck. Then I texted my besties, Janine and Gail, and asked them to pray that I would calm down and everything would work out. Within minutes I felt much better and realized this whole thing is an adventure and an educational opportunity, so why not make the most of it!

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Mr. FixIt called me a few hours later and he’s going to drive down this morning. He’ll check out my truck. We can tow the camper with his truck. And, either he’ll follow me to a mechanic or we’ll have the truck towed. That’s what I have AAA Plus for. We’ll go home tomorrow. I am so grateful for my friends who pray for me. And I am exceedingly grateful for a wonderful husband who takes good care of me. Wouldn’t you know it would happen at the last park on the last day? But I’m exactly where I should be. I have everything I need right here and I can get some work done while I wait. Thank God I wasn’t pulling the camper up the side of the mountain with no cell service!

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❤️

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“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”\n

Philippians 4:19 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-30T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/30/premonitions-and-pioneers.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Camping","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage","Warning","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Change","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/21/take-a-little-time.html", "title": "Take a Little Time", "content_html": "

\"Crimson “The color crimson is startling in the woods of WV.”

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I tell people all the time…”Self care is NOT selfish!” This weekend I took a little time for some self care and it felt wonderful. First was the old time music and folk dancing Saturday. Then yesterday, I took off early and drove over to see family in Grant and Pendleton Counties. The aunt that I cared for when I first moved back here from Colorado has been living with her brother, my Uncle Bud, for the last three years. She is suffering from dementia now and I am not at all sure she knew who I was. Which is probably a good thing because she doesn’t necessarily like me much. She was quite personable during our visit, which was nice.

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I helped around the house…cleaning the kitchen and picking up. I took a chuck roast over and put it in the crock pot for them along with noodles and a pumpkin pie. They should eat like royalty for a few days on that. I shared pictures with them and we swapped stories for a while before I left to go to my cousin’s house for a while. I haven’t seen her since Thanksgiving last year so it was a long overdue visit.

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As I was driving back to the campground late in the afternoon, I got to the top of Middle Mountain and saw this amazing tree. Actually, I saw amazing trees everywhere. But it was raining all day and very foggy on top of the mountain. I pulled over to the side and stood with my camera ready…just willing the fog to part long enough to capture the beauty of this lone tree on the mountaintop. It was well worth the wait, don’t you think?

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The mountain sides look like a rich tapestry with everything from green to garnet, scarlet to sunshine yellow. It was mesmerizing and it was all I could do to keep my eyes on the road. Stunning! It’s this time of year that makes you hold your breath. In the spring, when the green leaves pop out, you know there is a long stretch ahead with lovely foliage. Then this time of year comes and we sit and wait for the proverbial “other shoe” to drop. Because, in a heartbeat it will be gone and the trees will reach for the sky with naked bony fingers grasping at the winter winds that whip through them.

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So, till that time comes, I will gaze in wonder and will share that with you as I travel this path to see where it leads me. Today is a travel day for me. My next stop is the first campsite I have had without electricity so I’m going to rely on the solar to power me off grid. I can’t wait to see what I can still do in the camper without shore power!

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❤️

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“\"Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land; but if you refuse and rebel, you shall be eaten by the sword; for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.\"”\n

Isaiah 1:18-20 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-21T01:31:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/21/take-a-little-time.html", "tags": ["Travel","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Change","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/08/autumn-sweet-autumn.html", "title": "Autumn, Sweet Autumn!", "content_html": "

\"Autumn “It looks like we will finally get a little color after all!”

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I stayed an extra night at Beaver Creek State Park so I’d have an uninterrupted stretch of writing time. The other Girl Campers left Sunday, but my friend Gail is the Camp Host for Beaver Creek so she stayed to keep me company. In the past I have dreaded autumn because winter comes right after. But autumn…sweet autumn. The time of harvests and gold, apples and honey. Crispy, crunchy autumn…I’ve come to love it!

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It rained all night Sunday and the majority of the day yesterday. It stayed cloudy and cool which made snuggling up in the camper with my iPad and writing a rare treat. I took a break in the afternoon and went over to visit my friend Jan and see her farm…Paradise Acres. She is my age and runs a 200+ acre farm, plays in an Old Time band, sits on boards, campaigns for political candidates, and takes college classes. She is a retired Presbyterian minister. She has more energy in her little finger than I could ever hope to have!

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\"Woman “My friend Jan gazes out over her fields of corn at Paradise Acres.”

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When I got back to the campground, Gail was there to greet me with a steaming bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup and hot rolls. What a wonderful way to spend my last night camping in one of my favorite places in the world. I am heading out and about today. It’s going to be a gypsy camp day…meaning, I have no idea where I will sleep tonight. I want to see the meteor shower for the next two nights, skies willing, so I need to be somewhere away from city lights. I’ll let you know where I end up!

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In the meantime, we’ve had a good deal of rain. I think perhaps enough to pull us out of imminent fire danger in West Virginia. Mr. FixIt said there were places near the Ponderosa that received as much as three inches of rain in a very short amount of time. We have been parched here. The reason the fire danger was so high this fall was the overgrowth of vegetation from the unusually wet spring and summer we had. The vegetation is thick. Add dry weather and heat and it created dangerous conditions. I think we are past the worst of that now.

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\"Old “Jan’s barn at Paradise Acres. She holds Old Time Music concerts here.”

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As I was driving back from Jan’s farm this afternoon, I could really see the change in color in the leaves. Lots of yellows and some reds now. I’m looking forward to my drive today and checking out the autumn leaves. I can’t believe how early it’s getting dark already. The r-pod is comfortable and it stays nice and toasty in here. I think this new Adzel material they built the walls with is a better insulator.

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❤️

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““As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.””\n

Genesis 8:22 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2019-10-08T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/08/autumn-sweet-autumn.html", "tags": ["Travel","Camping","Fun","Gratitude","Peace","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Change","Be Joyful!","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/27/love-letters-from-beyond.html", "title": "Love Letters from Beyond", "content_html": "

\"Love “Leaving love notes behind for your spouse to find later…what a gift!”

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My friends and I camped at Beaver Creek State Park last night. We so seldom get together, just the three of us and when we do it’s always so special. It’s always tempting to stay up really late and sleep in the next day, but Janine and I both had long drives home. We called it a night fairly early and were up and ready for coffee by 8:00. We chatted over a leisurely breakfast and prayed for each other before we finally broke camp by 11:00. I pulled in to the Ponderosa around 4:00, dropped off the camper, and turned right around to go back to town for small group. I’m not signed up for this session, but I wanted to visit and share in the fellowship with dear friends from church.

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I was seated by a new member of the group. Jonna is a widow of two years. I put my hand on her arm and told her how sorry I was for her loss. We chatted about the similarities and differences between people’s grief experiences. She knew ahead of time that her husband was dying and she was thrilled they had time to have important conversations, no matter how uncomfortable they were.

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Just before our meeting started, she leaned over and lowered her voice a little.

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“Wanna know the BEST part?” 

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I was intrigued. I had never thought about “the best part” of grief.

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“Yes….please!”

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“My husband hid love notes for me everywhere! I’ve found over twenty of them already!”

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My heart melted. I remember finding a note Mr. Virgo had left me for Valentine’s day just a month before he died unexpectedly. I know how precious that is.

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“I’m not going to go looking for them. If I find one, it’s a gift! I found one the other day in the file of Explanation of Benefits from the insurance!”

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I leaned over to her and said, “I think that is just the sweetest thing!”

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That’s a good man, right there. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what these little gifts would mean to the woman he had married thirty-eight years prior. Even when he was ill and in pain from the amputation of his leg, this gentle giant left his sweetheart love letters from beyond. Yes…that’s a very good man!

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❤️

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“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.”\n

2 Thessalonians 3:16 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-27T01:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/27/love-letters-from-beyond.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","Love","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/16/weve-come-a-long-way.html", "title": "We’ve Come a Long Way Baby!", "content_html": "

\"Early “Camping in the early days in Denver. This is just down the street from where Ben & Sue live!”

\n

Janine and I spent our time at the RV Show yesterday browsing around for content for our blogs. We stood for eight hours and walked nearly 10,000 steps. By the time the show was finished, we were exhausted but then there was work to be done. Processing and editing photos, writing blog posts, calculating trip routes and travel times. All the logistics that come with the postmortems of a travel show.

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I’ll bet we didn’t get to see one tenth of this show. And even that was overwhelming. We did see a couple of really cool campers. We saw some really EXPENSIVE campers. We saw everything from bargain basement, bare bones boxes to luxury on wheels. It’s amazing what some of the interiors of these campers look like. Marble counters, high end furnishings, and appliances that look like they come out of the finest kitchens. It boggles the mind that people would pay half a million dollars for a fancy bus.

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There are so many accessories….many that you definitely don’t need, but there are lots that were pretty handy. One was a rechargeable work light that would work well to illuminate a campsite if you arrive in the dark and need to back in. We have some really fun accessories that I’ll be sharing with you after the big reveal next week. We are still holding back the majority of the photos till then.

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In the meantime, they are breaking down the show overnight. I need to get a smaller ball on my hitch to fit the new camper. Janine and I are heading to the Ponderosa today then to Huntington tomorrow. We’ll dry camp out in the field tonight! So please keep us in your prayers for travel mercies today. I am so excited about pulling this camper today!

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❤️

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“For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.”\n

Proverbs 2:6 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-16T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/16/weve-come-a-long-way.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","goRVing","Grace","God","Wisdom","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Change","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/11/the-amusebouche.html", "title": "The Amuse-Bouche", "content_html": "

\"Camper “A little sneak peek of the all new R-Pod 196 from Forest River…Girl Camper style!”

\n

When Mr. Virgo and I managed a 4200 acre luxury resort in southern Colorado, we found ourselves needing a chef. One of the happy little benefits of being married to the boss was getting to sit in on the results of the chef’s “stage”. Typically, when chefs are interviewed for a position in a fine dining restaurant, they must demonstrate their skills before the person looking to hire them. This means…observing their kitchen skills while the food is being prepared, then taste testing. In our case, we were treated to three different chef stages before one was selected.

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This was where I learned about the amuse-bouche which literally means “amused mouth”. A typical amuse-bouche is just a small savory tasting to demonstrate the chef’s style. One chef gave us a single scallop seared to perfection but I almost lost it when I bit in and it had been marinated in vanilla! Ugh…vanilla and seafood do NOT go together, trust me. He didn’t get the gig. The chef that was hired had a small slice of ahi tuna in a flat bottomed spoon. On top was a small dollop of green foam that was as light as air but had the most intense flavor. I can’t even tell you what it tasted like…savory, spicy, rich, and so light as to almost not even be there but it complimented the tuna perfectly. 

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Amuse-bouche…the little tease of the culinary world. We also experience this in other areas of life. The free sample. The previews at a movie theater. And here? A teeny, tiny little sneak peek of the little camper I get to pull around for the next five months!

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If you haven’t caught what’s happening, Forest River donated the very first 2020 R-Pod 196 that came off the line this summer to the Girl Campers for our Annual Trailer Raffle. And, Janine Pettit…our Camper-in-Chief…received the camper sometime in August and has brought it from “Factory to Fabulous”! Let’s face it…the interiors of most RV’s are b.o.r.i.n.g. Or downright ugly! Forest River is listening. They realize that women represent the fastest growing demographic in the RV industry and us gals are tired of brown, right?

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I can’t get into all the details yet, but we wanted to let you have a little peek inside to see how I get to Camp Like a Girl in this darling camper. It’s bright and cheery, bold and elegant, and can be dressed up or down. It demonstrates to manufacturers we want neutral palettes we can build on without having to paint over everything. It demonstrates to dealers one of the countless ways a camper can be customized so they better understand a girl camper and what she’s looking for in a travel trailer.

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Not everyone wants to go all “she-she” with their camper decor so we went with something a little bold, a little trendy, and ultimately elegant. We can’t wait for the big reveal which will take place via live broadcast on Go-RVing’s Facebook page Wednesday, September 18th at 3:00pm Eastern Standard Time. I leave tomorrow for Hershey so hang on…we’re going on a road trip!

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❤️

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“He has filled them with skill to do all kinds of work as engravers, designers, embroiderers in blue, purple and scarlet yarn and fine linen, and weavers—all of them skilled workers and designers.”\n

Exodus 35:35 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-11T01:30:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/11/the-amusebouche.html", "tags": ["Travel","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","Gratitude","goRVing","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/10/forever.html", "title": "Forever 62...", "content_html": "

\"Handsome “Mr. Virgo…Forever 62…and still handsome as ever.”

\n

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mr. Virgo. You would have been sixty-nine today. Would you have been retired by now? Would we have pulled that camper all over the country? Would our golf game be any better? It’s hard to say, but my guess is…we would have been out hitting some balls today.

\n

My life is so different now…I do different things. I camp and write about it. I grieve and write about it. I got married again…and I write about it! Nothing is safe anymore…it’s all blog fodder. But in a good way.

\n

I remember all the stages, all the phases, all the fear and pain and anger your loss caused me. I remember it all. At the same time, the edges are fuzzy. A little out of focus. The only words I can hear your voice say in my mind anymore is “I love you, baby doll.” I can picture your hands…your earlobes…your hair. It’s like I can see all the pieces of the puzzle but I cannot seem to piece them all together and put together a workable picture of you. Sometimes it’s frustrating. Sometimes its a Godsend.

\n

As I always tell my readers, the pain of grief is always much, much worse when I’m tired. Sunday night, I could not get to sleep. And the longer it went on, the more focused I became on being away. I knew I’d be tired. And I knew the waves could hit any minutes, even if you never crossed my mind. 

\n

I finally drifted off for about 20 minutes and woke up freezing. I turned off the fan, threw a blanket over me, and went to sleep for…maybe a half hour. This time, I woke up overheated, sweating profusely, and anxious/nauseated/jittery. I finally got up, turned the fan back on, and got sick.

\n

Grief.

\n

Waves of seemingly unending grief have dwindled to the rare bad night. Sunday night was it. I hate disturbing Mr. FixIt if I’m jumping up and down all night so I moved to the guest room, took something for my upset stomach, and finally slipped into a sound sleep for four or five hours. This is the way it works now. The fact that I am happily married doesn’t seem to phase it. We never “get over it”….but we do learn how to hold our grief with soft hands so as to not wake up the beast.

\n

It is your 69th. You are there with your mom and dad…and cousin-in-law Dennis…and now, your firstborn, Shannon. She has been with you for two years. I know you all are together and having a cigar on the back 9…watching the sunset. 

\n

I will always love you and remember you in so many ways. It’s funny how your shape in my life has changed over time. Each year you step a tiny bit further away. Your star shines a tiny bit less in my every day life…but you’re so much bigger in the grand moments. And still, every once it a while, a wave hits me and I have a bad night. Thank God, they are fewer and farther between.

\n

So…

\n

Happy Birthday, Mr. Virgo!

\n

❤️

\n
“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.”\n

John 16:22 ESV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-10T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/10/forever.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","Gratitude","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/09/there-is-another.html", "title": "There is Another", "content_html": "

\"Worship “There is another who stands with us in the fire….always.”

\n

I cannot tell you how many times I have felt alone in my life. Totally alone. Totally forgotten. Maybe not totally worthless…but pretty darned close sometimes. When I went through my formal conversion to Judaism just before my second child was born, part of the process was to sit before the Bet Din…the Jewish Tribunal Court that determines your suitability. Did you learn all you needed to learn? Are you converting for your faith…or for your husband? How will you accomplish the very important aspect of the Jewish faith…being a contributing member of the synagogue?

\n

These were the easy questions. I had already lived a Jewish life for 12 years. This conversion was merely a formality so that our child would be considered by other Jews to be Jewish once she was born. The difficult question came last.

\n

“Do you renounce Jesus as your personal savior?”

\n

I thought I would fly through these questions without giving them a second thought. But this question….this…betrayal to all I had learned as a child hit something deep within me I didn’t even realize was there. But what was I to do? I was pregnant out to here and my nice Jewish doctor-husband was sitting on the other side of the door, waiting for me. 

\n

“I have obligations to my family,” I thought to myself. “I have people depending on me to show up as a Jew…not the least of which is my unborn child.”

\n

So, I said yes…and that’s where the trouble started. I felt God…I don’t know…step back, for lack of a better description. From that moment on…for the next ten years…I felt alone. Forsaken, as I had forsaken Jesus. Granted, I had not recognized him as the Son of God at that point. I had never invited Him into my life. I had never given over to Him and called Him Lord. I guess, in that moment, I realized He was still in the back of my mind. He was still there. That is, until I kicked Him to the curb in the office of the synagogue that cold and sunny January day.

\n

I didn’t deserve Him. I had shunned Him. I felt there was no forgiveness for such an action and that was where I was left. Dying on the vine from the inside out. Ten years later, after an overdose nearly killed me, I started my long journey back to life and along the way…praise God…I was brought to my knees at the foot of the Cross and came home to Jesus in 2005. Nearly fifteen years ago.

\n

What I’ve learned since then is this: I was never alone in the fire. God was always there with me, no matter how far I tried to push Him away. I spent that whole decade feeling alone and unworthy…far from God on my side of the fence. Yet He sat there patiently watching out for me, patiently waiting for me to cry out for him.

\n

I think of myself as a parent…how sad I have been at times when my children’s focus has them far away from me and how joyful I feel when they call, or reach out to me for something even as mundane as a family recipe. This must be how God feels when we reach our arms out to Him to be held. Like any parent…He loves His children. Like any parent…He rejoices when His children love Him back.

\n

❤️

\n
“How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”\n

Psalms 36:7 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-09T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/09/there-is-another.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/08/let-things-go.html", "title": "Let Things Go", "content_html": "

\"Autumn “Letting things go for a little while gives your mind and heart a chance to breathe.”

\n

I have a list as long as my arm to get accomplished in the next four days. On the upside, I don’t have a camper to clean and prep for a trip. On the downside, I still have laundry, errands, packing, planning, writing, and a couple of doctor’s appointments before I slip out of town on Thursday for the beginning of this amazing Girl Camper Trailer Tour.

\n

So, with all this stuff on my list, what did I do yesterday? I let things go. I created a day just for me. I met ten of my dear friends from my high school class for coffee and conversation. We caught up with what’s been going on since the beginning of summer. We haven’t met since June before I left cross country. This is the first chance I’ve had to plan a coffee gathering since returning from Colorado. I needed to fit it in before I leave again this week.

\n

We caught up with everyone’s health issues. Yes, we’re THOSE people now…surgeries, hospitalizations, injuries. We are “of a certain age” and things break down more often it seems. One of the gals was new to our gathering. She’s been liberated from a longstanding situation that didn’t allow her to socialize before now so there was a lot of catching up to do there. We talked about our vacations over the summer and travel plans for the fall. We shared photos of the grandkids…and GREAT grandkids! Ninety minutes flew by and someone called, “Picture time!” We needed to enlist a patron sitting in the cafe to come take our photo. A young woman doing homework. I smiled. “High school friends. Don’t ever lose touch!” She smiled back and took the perfect picture.

\n

When it was time to leave, we each hugged everyone there. We’re of that age…we don’t know “when” and “if” anymore. So we hug and kiss a lot and give lots of “love you’s” and “take care’s”. I left feeling loved and supported and relieved those I care about were experiencing a pretty good week. As I was heading to the truck, one of our granddaughters texted to say she was in town and did I want to snuggle our great grandson. Well…of course! Silly question!

\n

I went to the former Mrs. FixIt’s house and visited her and with not one, but BOTH great grandchildren for an hour or so and caught up with everyone, then headed off for errands. I met Mr. FixIt after his golf scramble and went to one of my favorite stores…Rural King. I’m looking for a cool barn coat but I’m not finding one. I’ll probably have to buy online.

\n

So, there you go…my primer on how to let things go. Totally self serving and vitally important. Church today, then I can piddle around the house. It’ll get done. And, it’ll get done without me feeling like I’ll tear my hair out at any minute. That is a monumental win-win in my book.

\n

❤️

\n
“a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;”\n

Ecclesiastes 3:5 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-08T01:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/08/let-things-go.html", "tags": ["Health","Uplifting Stories","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Presence","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/05/soft-hands.html", "title": "Soft Hands", "content_html": "

\"Soft “Hold people’s hearts softly…with open hands.”

\n

I’ve learned to have soft hands in my relationships. I’m not talking about getting a mani or using the latest lotions and potions. I’m talking about holding my relationships softly. I’ve learned a lot about relationships over my life. I’ve certainly had enough of them. I used to be embarrassed to say Mr. FixIt is my fourth marriage. I mean, would it have been nice to celebrate my 50th Anniversary with the man I married in 1973? Well…if it WOULD have been nice, I’d still be married to him now, wouldn’t I? Same goes for the one I married in 1979. 

\n

When I married Mr. Virgo in 2007, I truly believed it was my last marriage and we would grow old together. Then 2013 happened, and that dream was shattered by his untimely death at the age of 62. I was only 59, but I swore I would never, ever get married again. “No one could ever measure up.” “My heart could never take that again.” “I’ve already used up three women’s quotas…I’m done.”

\n

I had every reason in the book to never do this again…then Mr. FixIt came along and God granted me another chance at happiness. I’ve been able to use a lot of the lessons I learned in my first three marriages and use them in my new marriage…my LAST marriage.

\n

I knew nothing when I married my first husband…as is true with most people, I suppose. We were so very young…I was only 19, he was 20. We argued…a lot. We had a baby straight away and we were separated before she was two. I learned a lot about what I didn’t want in that marriage.

\n

Hubby #2 was my longest marriage…20 years. And the divorce was extremely painful. When I look back on that marriage, I realize I held onto my husband with tight fists. I was jealous of his coworkers. The nurses and medical staff, the female doctors…well, anyone really. I spent my entire relationship wondering when he would leave me for some talented, intelligent, good looking, young thing. I held on so tightly neither one of us could breathe and the relationship became toxic.

\n

By the time Mr. Virgo came along, I was looking for what I DID want in a partner…not the other way around. I held him softly, but I held myself in an ironclad fist. My second marriage did not end by my choice, so I told myself I had to be the very best version of myself…the perfect wife…with Mr. Virgo or he might leave me, too. The marriage was much, much happier…don’t get me wrong. But it was a lot of work to try to be perfect all the time. In all honesty, I have no idea what might have come of that relationship had he not passed away. I can idealize it and say it was perfect, but no relationship is absolutely perfect.  Really, really great is a glorious gift.

\n

By the time Mr. FixIt came along, I was tired of being something…someONE…I was not. I knew if I ever had the opportunity to have another serious relationship and be married again, I was going to be a “what-you-see-is-what-you-get” kinda gal. Which works out really great because Mr. FixIt is a “what-you-see-is-what-you-get” kinda guy. I love our relationship because we aren’t guarded around each other. We’re easy with each other. We hold each other’s hearts, but with soft, open hands.

\n

You see, what I finally learned…and trust me, I’m a slow learner…what I finally learned was this: If you hold your love’s heart in the soft, open palm of your hand and he flies away…he was not yours to begin with. And, without the tight grip of jealousy and fear of abandonment, the relationship can breathe and grow.

\n

I never once questioned Mr. Virgo’s commitment to me, yet I still held a piece of my heart tightly in my clenched fists for fear he’d leave like the last one and break my heart. It never occurred to me it would be his death that would crush me. I don’t question Mr. FixIt’s commitment either, and I haven’t held anything back. It’s liberating. Can I get crushed again. Yes, of course. But death has taught me I can survive anything so I don’t live in fear anymore. I have soft hands. And that is a much more graceful way to live.

\n

❤️

\n
“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.”\n

Philippians 4:5 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-05T01:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/05/soft-hands.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/04/the-other-side-of-fear.html", "title": "The Other Side of Fear", "content_html": "

\"\" “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Jack Canfield

\n

I hear from a lot of widows who face fear as one of their most difficult symptoms of grief. Fear of the unknown…fear of being alone…fear of other people’s motives. Navigating grief is difficult enough on it’s own. Add fear, anxiety, and even full blown panic attacks and it ratchets grief up to an unbearable level. 

\n

I’ve always had a bit of an anxious nature. Anticipatory social anxiety. Commonly called “stage fright”. I’ve come a long way in learning to control it. Sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve learned the things I most want to do lie on the other side of that fear, so I have to figure out ways to get through to the other side in order to find my bliss.

\n

The fear I felt early on after losing Mr. Virgo was different than my usual pre-speech jitters. It was hold-onto-the-edge-of-the-mattress-all-night awful. Through trial and error, I’ve learned a lot of skills…tools for my tool box, so to speak. If I feel myself amping up, one of the things that almost immediately calms me down is listening to praise music. If I’m singing at the top of my lungs, its really difficult to be scared. 

\n

I’ve had so many people tell me they would really love to take off camping or traveling by themselves but they are too scared. The bottom line any grief mentor should take is honoring what others are and are not capable of. That being said, if it really is something you want to do, there are ways you can ease into scary situations without jumping in with both feet.

\n

Finding a like-minded friend to do things with can help a lot when it comes to doing new things. Taking little baby steps helps, as well. If your dream is to take a month long trip to Europe but you have panic attacks going to the grocery store, you need to desensitize yourself. Start with little excursions. A short day trip. Repeat till you’re comfortable. Then an overnight, then two…you get the idea. Getting professional help can go a long way toward building your confidence and getting down to the root of the issues you face.

\n

When I was planning the trip to Colorado, my biggest concerns were the social obligations of my daughter’s wedding and being so far away from Mr. FixIt. Losing Mr. Virgo so suddenly brings the possibility of a repeat to the forefront of my imagination. So, yeah…that makes me nervous. The night before the trip, my stomach was in knots but I did my routine and the next morning, I was good to go. It’s not the actual DOING that bothers me…it’s the anticipation. And, sometimes I just have to do the thing and feel the fear.

\n

I’m really excited about the opportunity to take this new camper around. There’s nothing about it that scares me, per se. I may have pre-trip jitters the night before. I may not. Knowing what it is, knowing how to redirect my thinking, knowing just what I need to do helps me feel less out of control and more confident in my own abilities. 

\n

What I want is often on the other side of fear, but that’s exactly what makes the experience so much richer. I know exactly what I had to get through to get there and that makes me brave! After all…so far, I have survived every single experience I’ve encountered in my life!

\n

❤️

\n
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.\"”\n

Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-04T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/04/the-other-side-of-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/03/random-acts-of-kindnesssenseless-acts.html", "title": "Random Acts of Kindness...Senseless Acts of Beauty", "content_html": "

\"Kind “My grandma always said you can catch a lot more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.”

\n

About thirty years ago, a woman named Anne Herbert wrote something on a placemat in a restaurant. “Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.” Since then, countless posters, books, t-shirts, and movies have incorporated this idea of doing something for others…some kindness…without expecting anything in return. Things like paying for the person behind you in the drive through at the local coffee shop. Or, leaving a basket of flowers on someone’s doorstep. Or, something I like to do every once in a while….put a sticky note on a $5 bill with a note like “God loves you!”…then tuck it in a book at the library or a book store. 

\n

Practicing random acts of kindness didn’t start with Ms. Herbert, of course. The original practitioner was Jesus, of course…and we would do well to strive to emulate Him. Being a good person seems to be rapidly going out of style. My dad wasn’t what you would call a profound thinker, but he said one thing that always stuck with me. “Computers will be the downfall of mankind.” I think I rolled my eyes when he said that. But maybe he wasn’t so far off.

\n

I don’t think it’s computers, per se, that will be the downfall of man. I think it’s how computers are used. Social media has created a monster. It’s given people a voice who may never have had one. It’s placed a filter between people….it’s created an US against THEM atmosphere. And, it has taken away the social filter of eye contact, allowing whatever vitriol that comes to mind to flow through the keyboard without repercussion. Cyber bullying isn’t limited to 8th grade girls and misunderstood emo boys. 

\n

I will have to say…thankfully there has been very little in the way of nastiness on this page. I won’t tolerate it and the few times it’s happened, the instigator has been blocked and the offending message deleted. That isn’t the case everywhere. It’s hard to judge the “tone” of a message when it’s written. All it takes is one “rude” comment to unleash a flood of bullying back and forth…and that’s with grown adults!

\n

It’s a new month. School is back in session. I don’t want to wait for Christmas to have the good feels. Let’s go out today and do kind things for people. If it’s not new to you, great! Keep up the good work! If it’s been a while and you’d like to rectify that situation, go out there and do something nice for someone today. And if someone does something nice for you, pay it forward. 

\n

We attract to us what we dish out. If we are negative and uncaring, we just get more of the same. If we are kind and loving, there is a better chance of attracting that same kindness and love. If it doesn’t come right away…keep trying. It never hurts to spread good vibes around the world.

\n

❤️

\n
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”\n

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-03T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/03/random-acts-of-kindnesssenseless-acts.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/01/dining-alone.html", "title": "Dining Alone", "content_html": "

\"Dining “Dining alone can be an intimidating experience when you are widowed.”

\n

I saw her walk into the restaurant with the rest of us “early birds”. The waitress came up to her table and handed her a menu.

\n

“Just one?”

\n

I’m sure I’m the only one in the restaurant that saw the shadow of pain skitter across her face.

\n

“Yes.”

\n

“Really?”

\n

sigh

\n

I wanted to smack the perky waitress but decided at some point in the meal, this would become a teaching moment.

\n

When we walked in, there were friends sitting in a booth near the front of the restaurant. They called to us to join them. The woman dining alone sat nearby. Our friends lost their son a couple of years ago. Eventually, our conversation included him…mentioning him by name, telling a funny story or two, comforting her and telling her at two years, it’s still ok to cry. It’s always ok to cry.

\n

The waitress came back to give us our check and I chose that moment to speak to the woman dining alone. We made direct eye contact.

\n

“I remember the first time I went to a restaurant alone after my husband died.”

\n

She looked at me steadily. I recognized the sadness in her eyes. I sat there…many times.

\n

“It doesn’t really help to be asked…’Oh…you’re alone?’ The first time I went to our favorite restaurant, I opened my iPad and pulled up my favorite picture of my husband and propped him up on the table so I didn’t feel so alone.”

\n

“Yes…it’s really hard. Especially when someone comes up to you after a year and a half and asks ‘Where’s Paul?’”

\n

The waitress whirled around. It just dawned on her what had happened. She opened her mouth to say something and I quickly said, “It’s not your fault. You aren’t clairvoyant so you had no way of knowing.” But now she’ll be more aware the next time someone comes in unaccompanied.

\n

As we were leaving, I glanced over at the woman dining alone and gave her a long, knowing look and a gentle smile. She smiled back and waved. 

\n

God moments. He gives us the people we need to help…and to help us.

\n

❤️

\n
“He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.”\n

Deuteronomy 10:18 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-01T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/01/dining-alone.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/30/and-i-will-give-you.html", "title": "“...and I Will Give You Rest.”", "content_html": "

\"Broken\" “We can help broken people by touching base with a simple ? or ❤️…just to let them know you’re thinking of them.”

\n

I have spoken with thousands of bereaved people in the last six plus years. I have heard story after story of loss and how their grief affects them. I have learned to keep healthy boundaries so that I don’t internalize the stories and let it affect my well being. This is something I learned in the beginning of my medical career and it’s a valuable tool. 

\n

We all experience loss and grief in our lives. It seems to me, the older I get, the more of it there is to deal with. Just after I graduated from high school, I had my first experience with death. My Pop-Pop died of a heart attack when he was 72. The next year, a couple of friends from high school died together from carbon monoxide poisoning. News would come here and there…a neighbor passed, the daughter of a friend, an accident here, old age there. 

\n

Losing my mom was really hard as it was fairly sudden and, well…it was my MOM. My dad died four years later but the impact wasn’t as great because we never had a close relationship. Then…Mr. Virgo died and death changed its timbre. Death hit close and it hit hard and it hit home. I remember feeling…broken.

\n

And now, there are people who are close to me who are suffering terrible, tragic things and I feel as helpless as anyone else. I want to help them. I want to hold them and say magic words that make it better. And I know…there ARE no magic words. The only thing I can do is touch base with them. Pray for them. Perhaps send them gift cards for things like gas or a meal. Uber Eats and other food delivery services can help a lot in times like this.

\n

If you are supporting someone whose world has been shattered by tragedy, there is one thing you have to remember to do and that’s take care of yourself. You can’t help anyone if you suffer your own burnout. It may seem selfish when people you love are in pain and you’re thinking of yourself. But believe me, it’s vitally important to practice self care.

\n

With that in mind, I seriously wanted to sleep in my camper last night but for a number of reasons, I couldn’t. I’m going to make a concerted effort to get out there tonight and have some TOW-Wanda Time. That is where I physically find the most peace and rest. And…it’s where I spend an awful lot of quality quiet time with Jesus so trailer time is good for me.

\n

I took the truck to the Ford dealer yesterday and spent about three hours working on my camping itinerary for the upcoming trip. I made some reservations. I also found the kind of trip planner I’ve been looking for on the Good Sams page. There are lots of planners out there, but I was looking for one that lets me add and change stops and look for camping spots at the the same time. There are a lot of things to juggle with this trip. 

\n

I’m trying to focus on West Virginia while it is still warm enough to camp here. When it gets colder, I’ll follow the colors south. I found a map online that predicts when the colors will be at their peak in different areas. I think that will be helpful in my planning. The truck is in tip top shape. It has new tires. The mechanic said the brakes are barely worn and there are no leaks…the underside is really clean.

\n

Now I need to go through the items I brought back from Colorado that were in my camper so I can figure out what I need to take and what can be put away. I leave two weeks from today. With all that’s going on with my loved ones, it’s hard to get excited about the trip. But, as one of my dearest friends told me earlier this week, my stories will be a distraction for her as she goes through her valley. I do hope they help.

\n

❤️

\n
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”\n

Matthew 11:28 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-30T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/30/and-i-will-give-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/27/hamster-power.html", "title": "Hamster Power", "content_html": "

\"Hamster “When your internet is powered by hamsters, you need to find alternatives.”

\n

Internet service is spotty when you live in the boonies. So is cell phone service. And, if you live WAY out in the boonies, the only way you can even USE a cellphone is if it is a iPhone and connected to the wonky country internet. It’s a Catch 22. 

\n

I finally bought an internet “booster”. It doesn’t make your internet any faster or less fluctuating, but it does allow what crappy internet service you DO have to reach down the hall to the bedroom. I’m been known to talk like a sailor when I’m trying to meet a deadline working from home. 

\n

The other night, Mr. FixIt was reading in bed beside me when he turned and looked at me over his glasses.

\n

“What on earth are you doing?”

\n

“I’m sending a picture!” I was holding my cellphone high over my head and waving it back and forth…willing the little waves to work faster or whatever they do in the ether sphere.

\n

“You look lovely, though.”

\n

“Thanks a lot, buddy!” I smiled over at him as he shook his head and went back to his article. 

\n

I got an e-mail over the weekend to send pictures from several Girl Camper gatherings to headquarters. I carefully went through all the pictures, divided them up over four e-mails, and sent them on. The next morning there were four notices that none of the e-mails went through. These were crucial so I went to town yesterday and sat at the library and e-mailed the photos, five per e-mail. It still took three hours but I got them done.

\n

For the most part, there are so many advantages to living in the country. The peace and quiet, the surrounding nature, the beautiful night sounds and all the stars. But, 95% of my work needs good internet. I had to go to town anyway yesterday. Next time, I’ll try our little local library and see if their internet is any better than ours.

\n

Speaking of living in the country, I went out to the farm on Sunday and was pleased to see the wild grape vines I cut in half died. The house is no longer being threatened to be overgrown and swallowed by the surrounding flora. The fellow down the road who is mowing for me is doing a wonderful job. The lawn looks like a well-trimmed golf course. 

\n

This is the great time of year when the grass growth slows down tremendously and we don’t have to mow twice a week. The trees are beginning to show twinges of color and the leaves are fading to a dull army green. The temperature the last few nights was in the 50’s which makes for great sleeping weather. I’m gathering what I will need to carry with me in the new camper on the big trip coming up. Just a little over two weeks till I leave for the Hershey RV Show!

\n

❤️

\n
“Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.”\n

James 1:17 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-27T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/27/hamster-power.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Gratitude","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/26/a-thousand-dragonflies.html", "title": "A Thousand Dragonflies", "content_html": "

\"Dragonfly\" “The dragonflies are prolific this year!”

\n

I love dragonflies. They serve a good purpose by eating mosquitos and other flying insects and they don’t bite humans! I am charmed by them. They will light on your finger or your shoulder. They hover around you as if to keep you company or to satisfy their curiosity. The other day I was leaving the doctor’s office and one flew alongside my window for at least a quarter mile. They make me smile.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I were out cleaning the pool on Saturday and there was a dragonfly floating dead in the water. We both remarked how many more dragonflies there are the last couple of years. I did some research and found it’s because of all the rain we’ve been getting. With more rain comes more mosquitoes and consequently, the predators are in hot pursuit.

\n

Somehow, I missed a big spot when I was mowing Saturday so I went out after church yesterday to finish up. I sat at the edge of the field in awe at the number of dragonflies hovering around me. From the website, Dragonfly Transitions, comes this: “In almost every part of the world, the Dragonfly symbolizes change, transformation, adaptability, and self-realization. The change that is often referred to has its source in mental and emotional maturity and understanding the deeper meaning of life.”

\n

Change. Transformation. Adaptability. Self-Realization. If that doesn’t describe my life, I don’t know what does. This year has been, and continues to be one of remarkable opportunities…for travel, for growth, for learning…for becoming MORE. I love this, because the moment we stop growing, we die. Maybe not literally…but figuratively. A stagnant life is a fate worse than death for me.

\n

I’ve said several times in the last week that I’ve been thinking a lot of my mom. I’ve been really missing her…more so than usual. As I was working with my calendar last night, I noticed today’s date. August 26th. My mom’s birthday. She’s been gone fifteen years now. She would have been 93 today. She died six weeks before her first great grandchild was born. As I sat rocking my second great grandchild in church yesterday, I thought of my mom and how much she loved children. She worked in the YWCA Daycare program and was the resident Grandma to hundreds of little ones. You couldn’t see her at work without some little person sitting on her lap at her desk.

\n

I was thinking it would be great to relate Mom to the appearance of the dragonflies…for the purposes of this essay, at least. But, I have no idea if she loved dragonflies. She probably did. I do know she loved the color purple…and roses, books, peaches, piccalilli, tchotchkes, helping people, and genealogy. She loved her grandchildren. And she was totally devoted to my brother who has cerebral palsy.

\n

No…we have dragonflies because it’s been a rainy year. And, I miss my mom so much because today’s her birthday. Two unrelated events, but yet both are symbolic of transformation and adaptability. 

\n

Here’s to Wanda Belle…an amazing and humble woman. Everyone who knew her, loved her and misses her. Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mama!

\n

❤️

\n
“So you have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy.”\n

John 16:22 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-26T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/26/a-thousand-dragonflies.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/25/singing-with-jesus.html", "title": "Singing with Jesus", "content_html": "

\"Pear “Mr. FixIt says our pear trees have never produced…he thought they were ornamental. This year, they’re loaded!”

\n

The other day I had to have a fasting blood draw for some tests. When I came out of the lab, I was humming a praise song as I walked through the lobby. “Your promise still stands…great is your faithfulness, your faithfulness.” 

\n

The woman in front of me turned around and gave me a huge smile and said, “You must be really happy! I’m a singer, too. I’m always walking around singing.”

\n

I smiled back. “Well, Jesus is always with me and we love to sing together.” 

\n

She stopped and looked at me and said, “That’s a really good thing. I like that!”

\n

Yesterday was a busy day. We had our class picnic in the afternoon. Then, Mr. FixIt went to help someone with a move and I went home and mowed five acres. Then I cleaned the pool. When I mow the lawn, I use a pair of ear protectors that have Bluetooth speakers in them so I can listen to the music on my phone. I crank up my worship music and once in a while I have to laugh when I catch myself driving with one hand and praising with the other!

\n

Mr. FixIt came home when I was just finishing cleaning the pool. He was kind enough to deal with back flushing the pump for me so I didn’t have to keep getting out of the pool to do it. There is a decided turn in the temperatures that have put the unmistakable tinge of fall in the air. Mr. FixIt said the temp was 54 yesterday morning and very foggy when he left to work on the porch he’s building with a friend. 

\n

And today is church day…my favorite day of every single week! See you this evening for Sunday Evening Prayer Circle!

\n

❤️

\n
“Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people’s business. We command such people and urge them in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and work to earn their own living. As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good.”\n

2 Thessalonians 3:11-13 NLT

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-25T01:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/25/singing-with-jesus.html", "tags": ["Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/24/another-trip-down-memory-lane.html", "title": "Another Trip Down Memory Lane", "content_html": "

\"1960’s “A trip down memory lane takes me to the neighborhood grocery store.”

\n

Do you remember when women dressed up to go to the grocery store? I ran across this picture on Facebook last night when I was searching for something else and it just brought back such a flood of memories. I love looking at all the details. Diet Pepsi was a thing…even in the mid ‘60s. Some of us were debating whether this was a staged photo-op because of the total on the cash register.

\n

Look at the uniforms the store clerks wore! The “K” on the lapels was for Kroger. Their stores operate under a lot of brands now…King Soopers, City Market, Smiths, among others. And the manager of any store, grocery or otherwise, wouldn’t be caught dead without his short sleeved white shirt and tie. 

\n

Notice the machine on top of the cash register. Do you remember what that was? It was the stamp dispenser. I believe the stamps dispensed at Kroger’s were Value Stamps. They were yellow. Other stores had Green Stamps and Plaid Stamps. I remember my first stuffed toy was a donkey I named Pedro. He was stuffed with excelsior…or wood wool. It was made from wood shavings that were about the size of spaghetti. My first roller skates were from the Plaid Stamp store. And, we got a lot of things with Green Stamps…dishes, a laundry hamper, my trash can with the pink poodle on it.

\n

My first boyfriend, who later became Hubby #1, worked at the Kroger Store in the Park Shopping Center. That was back in the days before malls. The shopping center stole a lot of business from the stores downtown and when the mall opened, it was pretty much the death of the downtown shops. 

\n

I remember stopping at the grocery store and watching the stockers use a pricing stamp and put the price in ink on the top of the cans. click, click, click, click, click. They’d stamp a case at a time. Then the checker had to hand enter each price into the cash register. I remember the first time I saw a guy working at the checkout stand. He might as well have been a zebra, he looked that out of place. 

\n

My very first job was at Kresge’s as a clerk, stocking and working the cash register. I never worked in a grocery store. I did stock shelves for a short time at the PX at Lowry Air Force Base in Denver when we first moved there till I could find a job in radiology. Ahhhh, I look back at my humble beginnings. 

\n

I’m at an age now where there’s a whole lot less time in front of me than there is behind me and I wax nostalgic when I see pictures like this. Maybe not so much for the jobs I had in my teens, but more for my mom. I see her in her dress and heels, coming from the office where she worked. Driving us in that big boat of a car and stopping at the store for a few groceries. Her hair carefully coiffed at the beauty college every Saturday. Sitting demurely while the young man in the skinny tie pumped her gas and washed her windshield and checked her oil. I remember her soft skin and her wet kisses, her cool hands on my fevered brow. I remember her sitting by my bedside when I had the mumps and read to me…until she too came down with them and Grandma had to come take care of us AND her.

\n

I’ve missed my mom a lot lately. I opened YouTube the other night and on the landing page where there were a dozen or so suggested videos, there was a woman getting her snowy white hair cut short and I swear…she looked so much like my mom it made my eyes sting. I showed it to my friends that knew her and they agreed. My mom’s boss is still living and even she said it was remarkable how much the woman resembled my mom. 

\n

It’s not that I “long for the good old days”. I just miss my mom. 

\n

Grief…even for those lost so long ago…still comes in a wave. Not a tsunami anymore…but sometimes it’s big enough to rock my footing. There’s so much I’d love to show her. I think she would have really loved camping in a trailer or a motor home. Sometimes I just take her on a trip in my mind and I imagine all the places we’d go and things we’d see. She wasn’t well traveled, although she did come to England when Daughter #1 was born and she came to Colorado several times. She went to the beach once with my BFF in her little convertible. 

\n

Speaking of nostalgia, my high school class picnic is today. I saw on FB the Class of ‘69 had their 50th Reunion this weekend. That means only two years to ours. Where did the time go? I remember when my aunt and uncle went to their 50th and I thought they were so OLD. They were only 15 years or so older than me! Funny…the perspective from the other end was so long and from this end it’s so short. 

\n

We’ve finally had a break in the weather and it’s much cooler. The high was only 74 yesterday. It should be about the same today. I hope you enjoy your weekend!

\n

❤️

\n
“Don’t long for “the good old days.” This is not wise.”\n

Ecclesiastes 7:10 NLT

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-24T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/24/another-trip-down-memory-lane.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/22/i-miss-my-camper.html", "title": "I Miss My Camper!", "content_html": "

\"\" “It’s amazing how a queen size mattress fits in there.”

\n

I’m missing my camper. I still have Big TOW-Wanda, but she’s not equipped to camp in right now. I removed her shades as soon as I bought her and they were stored at the farm. At the beginning of summer, I was seriously considering selling her because I had the little camper. I brought the shade back from the farm and they are on the floor, the bed isn’t made, and it’s too hot to sleep out there unless the AC is running. Every time I try to turn on the AC with the camper connected to the house, it trips the circuit. Now that Little TOW-Wanda is gone, I’m having second thoughts about selling the big camper. It would be really nice to have a seasonal site on the river and she would be perfect for that.  

\n

So, we have been sleeping in the house. We got really spoiled by the memory foam mattress in the little camper. It’s honestly the best sleep we’ve both had because we toss and turn a lot at night. The old mattress we have in the house shakes like crazy every time one of us rolls over. Not so with memory foam. You could drop a bowling ball on one side and not wake the other person. We managed to salvage the mattress out of the little camper before I sold it in Colorado, but we couldn’t figure out a way to get it and everything else home. We decided to give it to Ben & Sue and put it in their guest bedroom.

\n

We finally decided to give in and buy a mattress just like the one in the little camper. We had to do some sleuthing, but we finally found the same mattress by Serta for sale at Sam’s Club. After several trips to our local Sam’s, we never found the queen size in stock so we ordered it online and it arrived yesterday.

\n

I don’t know if you have ever seen how these mattresses are shipped or not. They come vacuum packed and rolled up tightly, wrapped in heavy plastic, and shipped in a box. And, they are heavy! I managed to get the old mattress off the bed and when Mr. FixIt got home, we unpacked the new mattress and placed it on the box springs. We unwrapped it, unrolled it, and took the protective vacuum bag off. Like magic it went from a compressed three inch thick mat to a perfect twelve inch thick mattress in a matter of minutes! It was astonishing!

\n

Now that we have a memory foam mattress inside, will we ever sleep outside in the field in a camper again? Oh, you can bet your boots we will. We’ll just have to wait till it gets cooler. And, it won’t be too long till we can pick up the new camper at the RV show and it will be a moot point anyway. Lots of camping adventures are in the works. I’ve started making and strategizing! In the meantime, I am determined to sleep like a baby on this wonderful new mattress!

\n

❤️

\n
“Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping.”\n

Matthew 8:24 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-22T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/22/i-miss-my-camper.html", "tags": ["Health","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Comfort","Peace","Aging","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/21/always-choose-joy-unless-you.html", "title": "Always Choose Joy. Unless You Can’t...", "content_html": "

\"Compassion “Here’s to the compassionate people!”

\n

I’ve been on a JOY kick all year. Ok. I get it. I just got married in October and I’m full of the feels. But yesterday, I got a reminder that sometimes…no matter how much you WANT to…joy eludes you for an indeterminate amount of time.

\n

I belong to a few widow’s support groups on Facebook. I have cockily thought to myself from time to time that I certainly don’t NEED a widow’s support group anymore. That is, until I DO. Then I am ever so grateful for those who share and lift each other up, no matter where they land on the grief/time continuum.

\n

There have been times when I read about the desperate sadness we as the bereaved quite normally go through and my heart breaks for them. I think of all the times I didn’t think I could go on. I think of all the wonderful people who supported and loved me through the most horrific event I have experienced up to this moment in time. There were people I didn’t even know…you readers…who lifted me and helped me move forward, even as I tried to lift others. 

\n

But yesterday there was a post that garnered a good deal of pushback and it gave me pause. Basically, this person was saying…just choose joy. That’s a gross simplification, but that was the bottom line. Just choose joy. It made me think about my cheerleading and jumping on the JOY TRAIN and how it may seem dismissive of those who are still in the active throes of grief. 

\n

It’s damned hard to find joy when the person who was so much your SOURCE of joy is no longer here. I know this in the core of my being. When I was in my darkest dark place in grief, I truly felt I would never find a glimmer of happiness in this lifetime again…let alone JOY. And yes…you DO have to make a lot of choices in this new normal. One of them is choosing to keep living. Choosing to keep trying. Choosing to keep moving forward no matter HOW hard it is or lonely or heart breaking. 

\n

We choose to do this for others….our kids, our parents, our friends…even our person who “would want me to live my life”. Eventually, it is my fervent HOPE that we choose to do this for ourselves. 

\n

I have been guilty of using the word “choose” a little too blithely, I’m afraid. And if I have, and it has caused you pain, may I offer my humblest apologies. It is not easy to choose when you are in overwhelming pain. It’s not that I forgot this…but maybe I push it a bit too far out of reach to mentor as effectively as I would like to. 

\n

I want you to have hope. I want you to find joy. I want you to experience good things in your life again. I know it CAN happen…I’m proof. It just needs to happen in its own time. And when you DO experience what passes as joy, it may not look the same as someone else’s and that’s ok. I just wanted you to know…I haven’t forgotten those of you whose hearts are so incredibly crushed. I will strive to always hold a sacred space for you here.

\n

❤️

\n
“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”\n

Psalm 119:50 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-21T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/21/always-choose-joy-unless-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/19/bowling-season-has-begun.html", "title": "Bowling Season Has Begun", "content_html": "

\"Pink “Pink roses and strawberries…and bowling season. Somebody loves me!”

\n

Mr. FixIt is an avid bowler. He’s been on two bowling leagues for the last thirty-five years and he enjoys it immensely. He has friends there. He has ample opportunity to talk. It’s his guy time. And, I enjoy having a couple of evenings a week to do whatever I want to do as well. Honestly, I fell asleep late in the afternoon and didn’t hear him leave. When I woke up, I caught up with my Sunday evening phone calls and chats so it was a relaxing evening.

\n

When he arrived home, he went into the kitchen to fix something to eat and we were trying to carry on a conversation while I was in the family room. He called out, “You know…I could hear you better if you were in here with me.” Of course! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we’re doing, we forget the basic manners and niceties we should offer those we love most.

\n

I walked into the kitchen and there on the counter was a dozen pink roses and two cartons of fresh strawberries! I am always thunderstruck when he surprises me with these lovely unexpected gifts of love. 

\n

I looked at him and smiled. “What’s this?”

\n

“It’s been a little while since I brought you flowers. It was time.” He smiled back.

\n

What goodness this is…this life that is sweeter than any red strawberry…softer than any pink rosebud. This is a blessing. This is God’s gift to me. This man who lifts me up and celebrates who I am. Who cheers me on and encourages me to explore and be everything I can be. This man who holds my hand in church and prays alongside me. Who holds me and comforts me when I am sick or sad. I only pray I give him this same love back every day of my life.

\n

There was so much sadness in my life after Mr. Virgo died. I swore I would never fall in love…never remarry…because the thought of going through that again was too much to bear. Then color came back into my life. And I could hear music and I could breathe and somehow I knew I could love again. I don’t know how long we have together…but it’s bowling season and I have strawberries and pink roses and my life is good.

\n

❤️

\n
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”\n

Matthew 5:4 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-19T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/19/bowling-season-has-begun.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/18/let-the-sun-shine.html", "title": "“Let The Sun Shine...”", "content_html": "

\"Woodstock\" “The Ubiquitous Photo from Woodstock”

\n

Fifty years ago this weekend, a gazillion people descended on Mr. Yasgur’s New York farm just five hundred miles from where I grew up. What started out as a ticketed music event soon devolved into chaos as tens of thousands of unticketed hippies made their way into the tiny village of Bethel. The festival had already suffered a last minute change of venue and was seriously short on cash, but there came a point where Woodstock took on a life of its own.

\n

Fifty years have passed. I didn’t go, of course. I was only sixteen and actually didn’t even hear about it till it was on the news. Not that I would have done something so brazen as to defy my parents because I know they never would have allowed me to go. I never even skipped a class in school, let alone run off to a hippy concert five hundred miles away. Still, I marveled at the mass of humanity. And, I liked the music. 

\n

It was such a crazy summer…the Summer of ‘69. The Summer of Love. That’s what we called it. But the older generations thought we young people were out of our minds. Sex, drugs, and Rock & Roll. And now look where we are. I saw a meme today. A grandpa was saying he fought in WWII and built his house with his own two hands. His great grandson said, “Sometimes I put a meme on Facebook and it gets a lot of likes.” That is so sad…and unfortunately, all too true.

\n

We didn’t have the internet in 1969. We didn’t have the news on 24/7/365. We didn’t have violent video games. We didn’t have as many latch key kids and no iPad kids or YouTube kids. Dr. Spock was just beginning to tell us how to raise our kids and to never swat their butts or we would bruise their fragile self-esteems. I’ll tell you what, if I sassed back to my parents, they bruised my “self-esteem” with whatever was handy. I did the same with my kids. Nowadays, you can have your kids taken away for that. And they know it.

\n

I remember Daughter #1 saying she was going to call Child Protective Services because I wouldn’t let her go to a party. I smiled and recited the number to her. Then I took her car keys. It’s hard to parent now. Having the grandkids over this week with their own little ones made me compare how easy I had it compared to what they are facing. And I didn’t have it all that easy. 

\n

After my first divorce, I was a single mom in Denver. My family lived in West Virginia. I didn’t have anyone I could leave the baby with while I went to work. I had to find child care…and pray they wouldn’t hurt my daughter. I lived in HUD housing, on food stamps and WIC. I drove a beat up old Pontiac that I paid some Iranians $200 for. The hood and the trunk were wired closed with coat hangers. All four sides were dented in. I prayed every day I could get to work so I could take care of us. I didn’t have a smart phone and five sets of grandparents to step in when I was overwhelmed.

\n

God knows, I made plenty of mistakes in those early years. It’s a wonder we made it through. The music of 1969 was five years old before my daughter was born. I look back now in awe. I knew I’d be “old” someday. I just thought it would take longer. Oh, sixty-six isn’t OLD, exactly. I sure feel the difference, just in the last couple of years. Mr. FixIt and I work very hard and it’s taking it’s toll. I hurt in places that never hurt before. It takes me a bit to get moving. But, like my husband says…you’ve got to keep moving or you’ll stop.

\n

Fifty years since Woodstock…and there’s a real part of me that genuinely feels a little past my prime. However, I’m about to take a brand new camper wherever I want for five months and write about it! Isn’t that just about the coolest thing? I wouldn’t take who I was in 1969 back for anything! 

\n

“Let the sun shine…let the sun shine in…the sun…shine in!”

\n

❤️

\n
“I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body,”\n

2 Peter 1:13 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-18T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/18/let-the-sun-shine.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/15/the-metamorphosis-of-grief.html", "title": "The Metamorphosis of Grief", "content_html": "

\"Country “The Farm. Clockwise from top left: Drying the laundry on the front porch is a country thing, Elderberries, A Rose of Sharon appeared from nowhere, Life is Simple, An Appalachian Pour Over, Blue granite pan used for dipping water out of the rain barrel.

\n

Living in the country, you see many examples of metamorphosis. Where there once was a hairy caterpillar, there becomes a moth. Where there once was a striped green worm with a spiky tail, noshing on a milkweed leaf, there becomes a monarch butterfly. Where there once was a grub with legs, crawling up a tree and developing a hard shell, it soon splits and a locust emerges to call in the autumn season…signaling it’s time for school to start.

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Just as there is a time for everything in its season, so it is with grief. I was thinking about this yesterday while I was trimming back the wild grape vines threatening to overtake the farm. When this blog began, I was fresh in my grief. I promised you then I would be honest and speak to you from my heart about exactly what it was like…at least for me…to go through the loss of my husband. There were times when it was so painfully ugly that it had to be difficult to read. Yet, so many of you have been here from the very beginning. 

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This blog goes through a metamorphosis every time something changes in my life. What started out as a method of pouring out my pain, morphed into learning how to navigate that. It changed and grew just as I changed and grew. It’s not just a grief blog, although there are hundreds of posts in the archives about grief. There was a time, when my grief had subsided to a nagging undercurrent, when I thought maybe I should just quit and make it all about grief. Just leave it there. But I couldn’t stop writing. 

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Writing became a part of me…as much a part of me as my hands and feet, my heart and lungs. So I decided to take you with me when I traveled, when I stepped into the dating arena, when I got married. I thought…ok, maybe I’m done now. Maybe I’ll just stop here. But, I kept living…and each new day brought a new experience, a new insight, and new lesson. And it became my devotional. 

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In a good cake recipe, bland ingredients like flour get mixed with sweet ingredients like sugar and butter. If baked with nothing else added, you wouldn’t have cake…you’d have some hard, flat, dry cardboard. But add eggs and leavening….take your time….and mix it well….and it rises high and beautiful. My life…my stories…my experiences are the flour and sugar. The scripture at the bottom of each post…illustrating my thinking in that particular moment…that’s the leavening. The eggs. The ingredient that makes the finished product perfect.

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I know it’s not a grief blog so much anymore, even though I touch on the topic from time to time. That’s the nature of metamorphosis. Things are always changing…even grief. The numbing pain of the first year, the sharp pain of the second year, the personal growth of my third year, the stretching of my wings in the fourth, the explorations of the fifth, and finally…being remarried in the sixth…my grief has gone through its own metamorphosis and has settled into an undercurrent. A background noise that I have become accustomed to, yet it’s still very much there. 

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❤️

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“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”\n

2 Corinthians 3:18 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-15T01:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/15/the-metamorphosis-of-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/14/the-farm-is-failing.html", "title": "The Farm is Failing", "content_html": "

\"Green “The farm is the home of my heart…but it’s aging rapidly.”

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Mr. FixIt and I have been back from Colorado for a week now. We talked over the weekend and decided to go to the farm for a couple of days because I haven’t been there since the third week of June. I really miss the farm when I’m away and can’t get there. Then, Monday morning came and there was so much to get done at the Ponderosa. Still…the farm…

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I decided to bring the dirty laundry and come to the farm on my own for a couple of days. Mr. FixIt is capable of taking care of himself and, while he misses me…he understands my need to be at the farm sometimes. He’s a good guy.

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There was a hard rain come through yesterday. I sat on the front porch and watched and it was soon over. The sun came out and the green dazzled my eyes. Everything was so clean and fresh. I sat for the longest time and just scoured the hillside and surrounding area…looking for differences.

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The power line coming to the transformer on the pole in front of the house is noticeably drooping down low over the road. A tall vehicle could easily catch that. I’ll have to report it today. Also, the big pine tree on the bank seems to be leaning further out there over the driveway. I pulled up older pictures from the same vantage point to verify both the line and the tree. Something’s going to have to be done with that, too.

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I noticed Monday afternoon, there’s a wild grape vine on the power line between the house and the cinderblock building. None of that was there before I left for Colorado. This monsoon summer has created an overgrowth the likes of which I have never seen here. It’s like a tropical rain forest.

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When I did a walkabout yesterday, I noticed another tree on the hillside across the creek from the house that has split in half. But it appears the uphill half is actually falling up the hill. That has always been the main concern here. This little holler is so narrow, and the ground is shale and very soft. It wouldn’t take much to bring trees down on this house.

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Maybe the earth is taking her back. Maybe it’s the natural progression of old farm houses. I do know, to bring this place back to life and prosperity would take far more money than it’s worth. And, a ton…an absolute TON of work. We’re not OLD…but we are 66 and 67. The other day, I told Mr. FixIt…if we were just 30 years younger, we could do so much with this place.

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I think what I have to do is start saying goodbye to the old home place…in earnest. I know there will come a time when it isn’t safe to stay here without cutting down a bunch of trees…without upgrading the electricity…without shoring up the beams in the basement and the attic. My time here is getting shorter…I can feel it. I’m working on girding my heart in preparation.

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It’s like the old man who can tell it’s going to rain by the pain in his knee. The only difference is…this pain is in my heart.

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❤️

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“\"Is it a time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, while this house lies in ruins?”\n

Haggai 1:4 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-14T01:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/14/the-farm-is-failing.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Presence","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/11/a-farm-girl-at-heartsans.html", "title": "A Farm Girl at Heart...sans Shoes", "content_html": "

\"Sitting ‘Sitting on the tailgate of my truck…drinking coffee and soaking up summer!”

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I hate wearing shoes. I know it’s so stereotypically West Virginian, but I do not wear shoes unless I absolutely have to. Mr. FixIt emptied the truck yesterday morning so I went out with my mug of coffee and sat on the tailgate, contemplating my bare feet and the beautiful sounds of an August day in the country.

\nIt wasn’t long after I finished my morning brew when I heard Mr. FixIt start up the push mower and I knew it was time to get to work. I ran to town to fill up the gas cans. Once I got back home, I hooked up my headphones and hopped on the riding mower. It could have waited till Monday, growth-wise. But the next two days are supposed to be 95 degrees and rainy. So, you know what they say...you gotta make hay when the sun shines!\n

I love watching the seasons changing here in my home state. Some of the trees already have some yellowing leaves on them. And you can tell a difference in the texture of the grass at this time of year. It’s tougher and harder to weed eat. I left home the 27th of June. There was a whole lot of growth between then and now and there are a lot of branches hanging over the edge of the fields. I’m going to have to get out there with the loppers again.

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As soon as I got home the other night, I could just feel the stress leave my shoulders and neck. I can sit outside and listen to the night sounds instead of the constant hum of traffic in the background. As I sat basking in the velvet night air, I thought over all the places we saw over the last several weeks. It was such a wonderful vacation. And, as always, it’s both good to be home and sad that it’s over.

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❤️

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“The priest answered them, “Go in peace. Your journey has the Lord’s approval.””\n

Judges 18:6 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-11T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/11/a-farm-girl-at-heartsans.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","goRVing","Peace","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/09/the-dmv-me.html", "title": "The DMV \u0026 Me", "content_html": "

\"The “Take my advice…bring chocolate next time you go to the DMV!”

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How many vacations have you ridden along with me…vicariously? If you’ve been around very long, you’ll know I don’t do very well with “re-entry”. I’ve never just come home and smoothly transition into laundry and cooking and doing the everyday mundane things. And, it seems the older I get, the more difficult it is to come down off the high of a really good trip. And this one was a REALLY good one.

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There were a few little bobbles along the way. The whole camper fiasco was a pain in the caboose but I turned it into a teaching moment. Then I lost my driver’s license. I know I had it at the Quick Care when I had the stress hives. But they swear it wasn’t left there. I called the pharmacy to see if maybe I left it there but they said it wasn’t there either. The DMV told me to print off a copy of my driving record to at least prove to a police officer that I have a valid license and I’m trying to fix it. Our whole camping vacation itinerary had to be changed, but that all turned out to be fine.

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The first thing that had to be done yesterday was go to the DMV. Well…the FIRST thing I did was go pick up the mail to see if anyone had found it and mailed me my license. Nope. Then I went to the county building and got a copy of my birth certificate and marriage license in case I needed it at the DMV. I had my Social Security card and a vehicle registration with me. I have the Federal ID on my Driver’s License. I had to show a gazillion kinds of ID to get that. I thought SURELY I wouldn’t need a gazillion MORE kinds of ID to let them know I’m the same person with all the OTHER kinds of ID. HA! I was SO wrong!

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I stood in the little pre-line line to let the clerk know what I needed. She looked at what I had. Nope. Not good enough. I needed a bill with my name and address on it. Ok, I had my health insurance bill. I handed that to her. Nope. They can’t accept health insurance. I had my taxes. Nope. Can’t accept federal taxes. OK, I said…what do you need? She underlined all the acceptable forms of identification. I went out to the truck and brought back a second registration for a different vehicle. Nope. Can’t come from the same source. Grrrrr.

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So, I drove all the way across town and went to my car insurance agent’s office. I changed my address on my insurance and had them print out an insurance card for me. I drove back across town and stood in the pre-line again. Ok…we’re making progress. I got a number! I sat. And sat. And sat. Finally, my number was called and I ran up to the window with a huge smile.

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“Identification, please.”

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“Here you go! A registration and my car insurance…both with my name and address!” I smiled. They aren’t going to beat me this time!

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The clerk looked over my papers and said, “I’m sorry, I can’t accept this. The address on the insurance card doesn’t match the one on the car registration.”

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“What?!?!?!”

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She quietly starts tapping on the keyboard and read, taps and reads, taps and reads. 

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“What is your husband’s name?”

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I told her.

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“And what is his birthdate?”

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I told her.

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“And you got your marriage license in this county?”

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“Yes, we did.”

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“Hmmmmm…I can’t find him.”

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Be calm. Be calm. Be calm.

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They’ve added a large copy of the law, highlighted, that says what the punishment is for disruptive behavior in the DMV. It’s pasted everywhere.

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I looked over at the different styles of license plates you can order. And there…on number six…was a bluebird. I could almost hear Mr. Virgo say “Go easy, baby doll.” I thought of Mr. FixIt and how nothing seems to ruffle his feathers. And my shoulders relaxed.

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“This must be a difficult job sometimes,” I said to the clerk.

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“Oh, it’s not so bad.” She smiled as she continued to type and read.

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Finally, I picked up the insurance card. The bottom half was kind of faded where the cartridge was running out of toner. Sure enough, under “Name and address of owner”, there was a typo in the name of the street. But, above that, under “Name and address of insured”, the address was correct. And clearly darker! 

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“Oh, look! It DOES have the name spelled right on this line! See? The other one is just so light from the printer, it’s hard to read. See the dark one here???”

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It worked! My diversionary tactic to take the focus off the wrong one and place it on the right one clearly saved the day!

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“Oh, my gosh! It must be my glasses! That IS right!” She took my money and quickly handed my number back to me. “You only have one person in front of you so it should take long now!” She smiled sweetly at me.

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Right.

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I was there another hour before they took my picture for my new license. And now I have to look at that tired, sweaty, grumpy picture for the next however many years. Or until I lose THIS license. Whichever comes first. 

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The bottom line is this…these people are just doing their jobs. They don’t make up the rules. They aren’t there to make your life miserable. They just want to earn a buck and go home and put their feet up. So, next time you have to go to the dreaded DMV, bring a smile. Some chocolate for the nice person behind the counter couldn’t hurt either. Maybe I would have gotten out of there quicker if I’d brought a little Hershey’s with me!

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❤️

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“Now swear to me here before God that you will not deal falsely with me or my children or my descendants. Show to me and the country where you now reside as a foreigner the same kindness I have shown to you.””\n

Genesis 21:23 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2019-08-09T01:30:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/09/the-dmv-me.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Growth","Wisdom","Anger","Humbled","Presence","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/05/full-up-to-here.html", "title": "Full Up to Here!", "content_html": "

\"Bumper-to-bumper “Sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic up to Eisenhower Tunnel”

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When I first moved to Colorado, Denver was a cow town compared to what it is today. In 1975, the Denver Metro Area consisted of approximately 650,000 people from what I can deduce for a graph I found. The population now is over 3,000,000! And it’s not just the Denver Metro Area. The states population has grown steadily….every single year. It’s crazy!

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When I moved to Glenwood Springs in 1986, there were two stop lights in the entire town. If it took us five minutes to get across town we thought we were in some terrible traffic jam. Now, it doesn’t matter what time of the day it is, traffic everywhere is bumper to bumper.

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We left Montrose yesterday morning at 10:30. It took us eight full hours to drive 263 miles to Denver! Clear roads. A little rain around Eagle. The majority of the time spent driving was between Silverthorne and Idaho Springs. The Eisenhower Tunnel is a huge bottleneck and as soon as the toll lane starts around Idaho Springs, things loosened up and we made good time.

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I thought it was exacerbated by the fact I have lived in the country for the last five years, but everyone here comments on it. And I have to tell you, I have never in my life walked into a Walmart or a mall…anywhere…and had the thought of a mass shooting go through my mind. But last night, we stopped at Walmart on our way to Ben & Sue’s house, and that’s the first thing that came to my mind. 

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“What is that crowd doing hanging around the front entrance?” 

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“Is there going to be trouble here?”

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“Where is the nearest exit?”

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I hate that. I hate that chill that went up my spine. I hate that I looked in the faces of those around me and wondered what they were capable of. Then I found myself in the cereal aisle and I heard Mr. FixIt’s friendly banter. He can (and does) speak to anyone. 

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“You only came in for two items? Well…you’ve sure gone over on this trip, huh?”

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I turned to find a Hispanic woman smiling shyly at him.

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“Yes…it happens all the time!”

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I looked in her face and saw kindness and a slight self-deprecation at her inability to stick to a shopping list. And, what I saw was no different than me.

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I smiled warmly at her and said, “Oh, I do that, too! What’s worse is when I come home and don’t have half of what I came in for in the first place!”

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This was a welcome moment in an otherwise horrifying set of current events. I am devastated. I am outraged. And, I will do what I can and not just send thoughts and prayers, although those are flowing fervently. My heart is broken for the victims of yet more violence.

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We pack up the truck this morning and say goodbye to to our Colorado peeps and hit the road for West Virginia. Please keep us in your prayers for travel mercies but more importantly, pray for those innocents who were just going about their day.

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❤️

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“Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.””\n

Isaiah 35:3-4 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-05T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/05/full-up-to-here.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","God","Fear","Courage","Warning","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/02/no-worse-for-the-wear.html", "title": "No Worse for the Wear", "content_html": "

\"Old “While once sleek and shiny, these vehicles still hold a deep beauty.”

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We left Ridgway yesterday saying goodbye to our friends, Linda and Jim. We both choked up…goodbyes have always been difficult for me ever since I lost Mr. Virgo. We just don’t know if and when we will meet again and it tears at my heartstrings. I know Linda loves Colorado, but deep down, she has that Ohio farm girl in there somewhere. I loved watching her as she listened to Mr. FixIt’s unmistakable West Virginia accent and she was transported back over the years and the miles to the home of her youth.

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Even though we didn’t go to the same high school with Linda, we know many of the same people…one of whom is Jeff. He and his wife Julie moved to the Ridgway area a couple of years ago. It’s funny how the webs of friendship cross over. Linda and Jeff were both friends with Cindy (a girl from my class) and that’s how they connected. I am friends with Cindy and that’s how Linda connected with me and the connection with Jeff was made through Linda and because he was on the boy’s gymnastics team while I competed with the girl’s team the same year. And….Mr. FixIt was on that same team with Jeff! See what a teeny tiny world it is? Jeff and Julie joined us for dinner at Linda’s Wednesday night. Mr. FixIt hadn’t seen Jeff in forty-eight years. There were lots of stories and laughs and we all had a grand time.

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We drove north out of Ridgway, through Montrose and Olathe (home of Olathe Sweet Corn) and on to Delta. I kept my eyes peeled for a place I found when I was on “The Grand Adventure”…that three month odyssey into the wilderness and backroads after Mr. Virgo died. It’s just a vacant lot on the main drag that’s filled with old, broken down cars and trucks. I don’t know why it attracted me that first time, but I couldn’t wait to show Mr. FixIt.

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We were almost to our turnoff to head east over McClure Pass when I saw them. Red vehicles…either from the faded and flaked paint or the rust beneath. Some had their hoods strapped down. Others had holes in the glass from years of being the target of vandals or the errant stone thrown back in the day when they motored down the highways of old. Mr. FixIt caught his breath.

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“Oh, wow! Would you look at that!” A smile crept across his face and his eyes sparkled like a little boy who just found the coolest treasure stuck on a dusty shelf. I immediately pulled over and threw the truck in park. We jumped out and walked up and down the rows of derelict automobiles resting on their rims because of long ago rotted and airless tires. We peeked in through hazy windows at the scraps of stuffing clinging to the old and rusted springs of the seats inside. 

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“Oh, look! Is that a Nash? A Studebaker? What’s this one? Ford used to make a Cortina. Do you suppose that’s what this one is?” This went on and on as we dodged the large mud holes formed from the afternoon storms we’ve been getting and made our way through the maze of cars.

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As I looked at these rusted out hulks, I thought about beauty being in the eye of the beholder. I have to be perfectly honest…I’ve had some trepidation about the wedding this weekend. My daughter’s dad lives in a world I no longer belong to. He’s a doctor, and consequently lives like a doctor in a fine house. With fine friends. And a fine wife. Fine furnishings. Fine food. A fine life. I used to circle in that orbit, although I never really felt a part of that world, although I tried very hard to make myself fit in. 

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I have to admit. I’ve let myself be a little self conscious about my comfortable tummy and my jelly thighs and my granny-wing upper arms knowing ever so painfully how that was judged by those in that orbit. I’ve been praying about it a lot. And God whispered to me as I wandered amongst these vehicles what were once sleek and shiny and new.

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“You don’t have to fear that world. You don’t have to feel bad for the way you fit in your body all comfy-like. You don’t have to concern yourself with what anyone else thinks of you….just remember I love you. Completely. Just the way you are. Just love them all the way I love you.”

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You see…the very act of feeling self conscious and judged puts me in a place where I’m being the judge. I don’t know what’s in their hearts and minds. A lot of water has gone under the bridge since those days so long ago when I circled around that orbit. It’s a foreign land to me now. I have no reason to feel “less than” anyone. I can walk right in, on the arm of a man I adore and who adores me right back. We’ve created a life that fits us perfectly and we’re perfectly happy.

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It’s all about love, trust, letting go, and letting God take care of the details. I’m comfortable in this life, this body…no matter where I go or who I run into. None of this is about me anyway. It’s totally about my daughter and her joy anyway. Yes…it’s all about love!

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❤️

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“Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Do not be angry beyond measure, Lord; do not remember our sins forever. Oh, look on us, we pray, for we are all your people.”    Isaiah 64:8-9 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-08-02T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/02/no-worse-for-the-wear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/29/abundance.html", "title": "Abundance", "content_html": "

\"Weminuche “Heading into the Weminuche Wilderness”

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Joyful abundance! Mr. FixIt is such a great traveler. I love showing him places he hasn’t seen. As a matter of fact, he told me the other night his neck hurts from swiveling back and forth, trying to take it all in. We arrived in Pagosa Springs on Friday afternoon. This is where Mr. Virgo and I lived in 2008. He was the General Manager for a 4200 acre luxury resort here and I did the marketing and catering. It was a short-lived position as our job was to try to turn their losses into profits and try as we might, it was not to be. This is the nature of being a fixer. If you can’t, they close and you lose your job. If you can, they sell and you lose your job. We didn’t really expect to be there long term.

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Pagosa Springs is a gorgeous area and I enjoyed the rugged beauty of it. I did not like the short summer, long winter, and gobs of snow. So I was just as happy to get out of there and move on. Still, it is someplace I wanted Mr. FixIt to see and experience. We went out for a wonderful breakfast yesterday morning then headed to the backroads. Mr. Virgo and I used to spend every day off exploring the many dirt roads in the Weminuche Wilderness. This is where I came when I started my grief journey in Little TOW-Wanda. I carried strands of Mr. Virgo’s silver hair into the dense woods above Williams Lake and buried them at the base of a tree, affixing a cross to mark the spot.

\n

We didn’t walk back into the woods yesterday. That wasn’t part of the deal. That was mine…my memory. As a matter of fact, as we drove deeper and deeper into the woods, I felt Mr. Virgo so strongly…as if he were gliding along with us. I told Mr. FixIt story after story. Here’s where we worked. Here’s where we shopped. Here’s where we loved to eat dinner. There’s the car wash where they had to unfreeze the doors so we could get out. That little bakery has the best pastries. This restaurant has the best coffee. My sweet husband held my hand and smiled and nodded and encouraged me to share because he knows this helps me heal and move forward. 

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Then…in the middle of the afternoon, we found out…great grandchild #3 is on the way!!! Another little boy…arriving in January!!!

\n

My heart is about to explode! THIS!!! This is what I so very nearly lost in January 2000 when I overdosed. At the time, my world was so small, so dark, so difficult and I couldn’t see anything beyond that darkness. And now…look at this! My world is so blessed with such abundance and joy, I can hardly contain myself! Babies! The Wedding! My sweet husband! My wonderful family! My health! My heart!

\n

Thank you…..thank you dearest Heavenly Father…for healing my family…for healing me…for giving me Mr. Virgo to show me I was worthy of earthly love…for giving me Mr. FixIt for helping me through the most difficult period of my life…and for this tremendous family, mine and his, that brings our numbers up and up and up! I’m so high on life, you have to scrape me off the clouds!

\n

❤️

\n
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”\n

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-29T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/29/abundance.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Aging","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/25/a-glimpse-of-heaven.html", "title": "A Glimpse of Heaven", "content_html": "

\"A “A Glimpse of Heaven in the Colorado Night Sky”

\n

I knew this would happen. I blinked and a month flew by. I left on this journey exactly four weeks ago. Time is such a weird thing after loss. On the one hand…it flies. On the other…it stands still. I got some quality time with my Colorado family. Mr. FixIt has been here almost two weeks already. The package I’ve been expecting for my brother arrived yesterday so now we can pack up and go off on a little adventure on our own before the wedding.

\n

Grandma L. is still hanging in there. She is such a strong woman. She rallies and fades, rallies and fades. They moved her from her apartment at assisted living to a skilled nursing facility on Monday. She had a dream on Tuesday night. At least, she thinks it was a dream. She was lying in bed and her legs felt like stone. But then, she was standing up…strong and vital. She looked around it was so glorious. She saw a crevice and knew she was supposed to jump over it. She knew she COULD. She didn’t see Grandpa right off, but she knew she could find him easily. Instead, she decided to come back and tell us all how absolutely peaceful and grand it is. I love that she could see it all so clearly and she isn’t afraid.

\n

I know she might pass away while we are gone, but I didn’t want to wear her out by adding to the number of visitors going to see her. There are other closer relatives who need to spend time with her. I was able to hug on her last Saturday at her birthday party and she absolutely knows how I feel about her. Her absence will leave a gaping hole for quite some time in the lives of those who knew and loved her.

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We all went out for supper last night after they moved everything out of Grandma’s apartment at the assisted living place. There were twelve of us. As I walked back to the table with my food, I paused for a moment and gazed over this beautiful family my daughter was so fortunate to marry into. Another part of my bonus family. We are so blessed…with kids and their kids and us grandparents. We are becoming the matriarchs. I thought it would take longer.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I will head out today for a week of touring the state. We were supposed to do this with the camper, but it’ll all work out without it. I love showing him places he’s never been! So…here we go on another road trip, y’all. Hang on!

\n

❤️

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“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”\n

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-25T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/25/a-glimpse-of-heaven.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/23/conquering-the-impossible.html", "title": "Conquering the Impossible", "content_html": "

\"Impossible “The Impossible Burger…the best alternative to meat I have ever tasted!”

\n

Back in the late ‘70s, early ‘80s, I was on a real health kick. Like…Mother Earth News health kick. I made my own tofu from scratch. I made our yogurt and granola. I even made homemade Grape-Nuts cereal. While we weren’t vegetarians, we WERE pretty poor because I was working to support our family of three while Hubby #2 was in medical school and residency. Our food budget was trimmed of many luxuries like steak and roasts.

\n

I’ve always been a true meat lover but meat was expensive. I found a product called TVP…texturized vegetable protein. It didn’t have much flavor on its own but it was great in chili and spaghetti sauce…two highly affordable dishes we ate a ton of. Along the way, black bean burgers and veggie burgers were born to offer alternatives to red meat. Health wise, this was good since I had developed high cholesterol. 

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The other night, we ate at Big Daddy’s Burger Bar and I had a black bean burger. Eh…it was ok. But it didn’t taste a darned thing like a burger. It was just on a bun with all the burger fixings. Now that I am older and have GERD (reflux) along with millions of other Boomers, I get sick just about every time I eat a burger for supper. Still, I crave them…desperately.

\n

We stopped into Red Robin for lunch yesterday when we were out and about. I noticed a card on the table saying they had the Impossible Burger available. I’ve been hearing about this burger substitute on the news and people have been raving about it. I had to try it. Let me tell you…this thing was fabulous. It was exactly like a burger, but it was closer than anything I have ever tasted up to this point and I wanted to go back last night to have another one!

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The Impossible Burger isn’t available everywhere yet and it’s popularity is rising so you may not find it around for a while. But when you come across it, I’d highly recommend you give it a try. I am not at all interested in this “meat” they are growing in petrie dishes, but Impossible Burger is plant based. If I could have ready access to it, I’d be more than happy to be a lacto-ovo-vegetarian…someone who eats milk products and eggs but no meat.

\n

New things! 

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As Mr. FixIt says…life is always an adventure with Ginny McKinney.

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You can watch this video that explains the research and development of the Impossible Burger here:

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https://youtu.be/8vCd0HPrFj8

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❤️

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“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.”\n

Romans 14:1-5 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-23T01:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/23/conquering-the-impossible.html", "tags": ["Health","New Ideas","Gratitude","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/22/finding-hope.html", "title": "Finding Hope", "content_html": "

\"Rainbow\" “God’s promise.”

\n

There have been so many times in my life when I felt I had no hope. I didn’t know about spiritual warfare. I didn’t know the enemy was the one whispering the lies about me into my heart and mind. My life had long stretches of darkness and it wasn’t until I became a Christian that I started to see light at the end of the tunnel.

\n

We went to church yesterday and took Little with us. We sat with our friend Rick and his wife Connie. The pastor is preaching a series on the elements and yesterday was about the wind. And hope. He focused on Ezekiel and the valley of the dry bones. As far as Ezekiel could see, the valley floor was covered with dry, sun-bleached bones. This represented the dried up, faithless Israelites. The Lord asked Ezekiel to speak to the dry bones. To tell them to listen to the Word of the Lord. When he did this, the bones started to rattle and come together. Tendons and muscle and skin formed and soon, they looked like you and me. But they had no life. No inner spark of hope. When Ezekiel told God he had only been halfway successful, God breathed his breath upon the bodies and they came alive and rose as a mighty army.

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I know what those bodies felt like. I was dry and sun-bleached in my bones for such a long time. And, when I surrendered, God blew His breath…His Spirit…into me and I rose up like a mighty warrior. Whenever I begin to feel less hopeful, I look for the wind. Mr. FixIt remarked the other day…it never seems terribly hot here in Colorado. Even when the temperature nears triple digits. The reason is two-fold. The humidity is low. And there is always a breeze. You can feel it across the hairs on your arms. And when a wisp of your hair blows across your face. You can see it in the trees and grasses of the field. You can watch it even high above the earth as the clouds in the sky scud along.

\n

When I look for the wind, I can see the breath of God as he works over us…his children. Even when I don’t see God’s promises in my current circumstances, I know He is there…working in the background. Even in my darkest moments…during the years of depression and the overdose, during a painful divorce, during the grief I suffered after losing Mr. Virgo…He was feverishly working to turn these terrible situations into something He could use for His Glory.

\n

Finding hope in today’s world can be so terribly difficult. It is easy to lose hope and see no way out. If you can just remember to feel the wind on your skin and focus on some good thing in your life, you can ignite hope within your soul. Even the smallest ember can be fanned into a flame when you seek and use the Breath of God. 

\n

❤️

\n
“The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.” Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’ ” So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’ ” So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army. Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’ ””\n

Ezekiel 37:1-14 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-22T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/22/finding-hope.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/21/one-small-step.html", "title": "One Small Step", "content_html": "

\"Apollo “One small step…”

\n

It was a sultry summer night…Sunday, July 20, 1969. We had been watching the news over the previous week or so about the astronauts that were going to walk on the moon. I was all of sixteen…that magical age where you’re caught somewhere between Barbies and boys. We didn’t have screens on the windows but it was too hot to leave them closed. We absentmindedly swatted away the mosquitoes as we ate ice cream and stared at the flickering grey screen.

\n

Hippies were preparing for Woodstock. Giggling teenagers were having slumber parties. We were rolling our hair on juice cans and wearing bellbottomed jeans. We popped our gum and knew all about Archie and Veronica’s exploits. Dad would complain about the “yippies” next door playing their drums too loud and the cars that went too fast up our dirt street. A couple of times a week, a Jeep would drive up the road spraying DDT into the neighborhood to keep the mosquito population down to a reasonable level. And once a month or so, a different truck would come and spray oil or tar down on the dusty dirt. The first day out after they sprayed, our bare feet would be covered with a half inch think glob of sandy tar turning our soles into…well, soles.

\n

It was the summer of love. My foster sister was going to school all summer in Athens to get a certificate for preschool education. She wrote me long letters and on the back of each envelope she drew a picture of a bunny and wrote “God Bless Pink Summers ‘69” in an arc above its head. The war in Vietnam was cranking up, but we were young and in love with ourselves and life in general. War was something that happened so far away, it didn’t seem to have anything to do with us. But, in all actuality, we were living in difficult, tumultuous times in this country. We were just too young to really understand it all.

\n

And now, here we were in a darkened room, sweat trickling down our backs, waiting for Neil Armstrong to take “one small step for [a] man…one giant leap for mankind.” I remember being absolutely mesmerized by this amazing feat. This was one of those landmark moments in time. A moment when there was a before and after and nothing would be the same again. It was a unifying event and we all held our collective breath in the moment. 

\n

Here it is…fifty years later. Where did that time go? It seems I blinked and now I have great grandchildren. I’m feeling particularly nostalgic because I am here with my Colorado family. Yesterday we celebrated the 90th birthday of the matriarch of my son-in-law’s family. Grandma’s health has been failing this week but by golly, she rallied yesterday and seventeen of us gathered to shower her with our love and ate strawberry shortcake…her all time favorite. Afterwards, we left Grandma to get some rest and went out to dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory.

\n

It was one of those days we will remember always…when Grandma’s sun was shining and the moon echoed with the memories of another hot summers’ night, so long ago.

\n

❤️

\n
“it will be established forever like the moon, the faithful witness in the sky.””    Psalm 89:37 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-07-21T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/21/one-small-step.html", "tags": ["Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/20/hand-it-over.html", "title": "Hand it Over", "content_html": "

\"2 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7”

\n

I have struggled with anxiety all of my life. It’s so, so frustrating because I know what it is. I know the feelings are real, but they stem from thoughts. I have a whole toolbox of techniques that I’ve used over the years…some helpful, some decidedly harmful, all of them ineffective to a large degree. It wasn’t until I started studying the Bible looking for answers that I have begun to find some semblance of relief.

\n

I was reading a devotional about anxiety and fear this week and came across something I had never read before but it really struck home. It talked about a secondary effect of anxiety becoming “a fear of fear itself”. That sums it up so distinctly. I really HATE feeling afraid…to the point of fearing the fear. Suddenly, it just all seemed so ridiculous.

\n

The Bible talks a lot about fear and anxiety. So much so that it is apparent these feelings are prevalent in all humans to some degree. For years…decades…I felt weird about my anxiety. Like there was something wrong with me. That I was somehow flawed and no one else had these feelings. Knowing I’m not alone…even Joshua and Mary and countless others were told by God to not be afraid. That is so comforting to me.

\n

I am excited about the upcoming wedding in two weeks. I’m thrilled for my daughter and her happiness. And, it’s hard to tease out the difference between the butterflies of excitement and the quaking of anxiety. It affects me physically the same and my mind can easily take off on a wild tangent which isn’t anywhere I really want to go.

\n

This most recent Bible study I read says whenever the first feelings of anxiety or fear begin to come into your mind, think of a praise instead. Turn on praise music. Sing a praise song. Thank Jesus for waking you up this morning. What I’ve been doing is telling God about all the beautiful things we’re going to do the day of the wedding. I’ve been telling Him about the pretty dresses the girls are wearing. And all the people we’re going to see that we love and don’t get to see often enough. I’ve invited Him to come along with me and to be there right alongside each of us.

\n

There’s so much in life that can change plans at the last minute. There are illnesses in families or some other unforeseen circumstances that you can’t predict. It doesn’t help to be nervous or worried, but it’s hard not to be. As Jesus said, God takes care of the birds and the fields…surely He’ll take good care of us…even in our worst moments.

\n

I hand things over…repeatedly. And, it does get easier and easier to remember to give it to God first before I let my mind jump on the worry train and go off the rails. There will always be something you can worry about. That’s how the enemy steals your joy. And, there are situations in life that you can’t help but let affect you. Things like watching a loved one decline. Losing someone or something special. An unexpected diagnosis or financial difficulty. God wants to walk those paths with you. Reach out your hand and take His. He’s so much bigger than anything that troubles you.

\n

❤️

\n
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”\n

Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-20T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/20/hand-it-over.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/15/a-celebration.html", "title": "A Celebration", "content_html": "

\"Celebrating\" “Celebrating a love…and a life.”

\n

When Mr. FixIt and I got married last October, it was really a rather spur of the moment decision. I didn’t wan’t my kids to have to spend money to come out for the wedding when we were planning a trip to Colorado this summer anyway. So, I told them we would just have a dinner together with those we love and celebrate that way.

\n

Yesterday was our day to celebrate our wedding with our Colorado peeps. Daughter #1 organized it and we had fourteen people over for the same menu we served at the actual wedding…pulled pork sandwiches, coleslaw, chips, and drinks. In lieu of a wedding cake, and the fact that we all need to fit in our pretty dresses in three weeks for Daughter #2’s wedding, we had fruit salad instead of cake.

\n

It was wonderful to have our loved ones around us. I really wanted them to spend some time with Mr. FixIt and get to know him better…and vice versa. It was such a lovely day and everyone had a great time.  And, today is my daughter and son-in-law’s 24th Weddiing Anniversary! Remembering that beautiful day and hoping they have many, many more!

\n

I am so blessed to have these wonderful people in my life.

\n

I ended the day with a note of sadness, however. I found out a sweet friend of mine died after a ten year struggle with cancer. Rae Ann and I connected six years ago after I joined Sisters on the Fly. She was the only Sister in my area. Rae Ann had an infectious laugh, a gravely voice, and was the best storyteller. She could make your sides split without even trying. I had the very good fortune of camping with her several times. The last time was after she found out her cancer could not be cured. She taught me so much about living the life you have to the fullest. She was camping and kayaking up to the last couple of weeks of her life. She will be dearly missed by all who knew and loved her. Rest in peace, Rae Ann. You were a shining example of living in the moment and I celebrate your life today!

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❤️

\n
“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, \"I will never leave you nor forsake you.\"”\n

Hebrews 13:5 ESV

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\n", "date_published": "2019-07-15T01:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/15/a-celebration.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Strong Women","Sisters on the Fly","Positive Energy","Fun","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Warning","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/13/revisiting-memories.html", "title": "Revisiting Memories", "content_html": "

\"Drum “Daughter #2…Marching to her own drum!”

\n

When Daughter #2 was thirteen years old, she and I took off for a three week road trip. It was epic. She was not only in that early teenager mode. We were also working on repairing the damage done from years of depression and too many prescriptions and martinis…not to mention the overdose. It took a lot out of our relationship.

\n

When I arrived in Denver this visit, the ultimate goal is the wedding. My baby is getting married. My little Moon Pie. Only, she’s a full grown woman…out on her own…thriving…dancing to her own drum, as always. We saw each other  the day after I got here and spent several hours visiting and dining out. She made me promise we would do one special thing…just the two of us…before the wedding.

\n

She wanted to go antiquing.

\n

I couldn’t believe my ears. Antiquing? This poor kid was dragged, kicking and screaming, into every antique store in West Virginia, I think. And several between there and Colorado. I loved going to antique stores. She did not. So, this was new. I asked her what brought on this miraculous transformation. 

\n

“I don’t know. Just…suddenly, I find myself looking at antiques online. For fun.”

\n

Ladies and gentleman…there IS life after adolescence!!!

\n

So, yesterday was our antiquing adventure. We started out by having lunch with Daughter #1, Big, and Little. Oh…if you have children, you know what that did to my heart…sitting there with my Colorado kids! ❤️melt After lunch, Daughter #2 and I went to the Brass Armadillo off I-70 and Kipling.

\n

We walked in and she stopped in her tracks. Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open, and she gasped.

\n

“This place is HUGE!”

\n

Yes, my girl…it is!

\n

We wandered around for three hours. She kept grabbing my arm and pulling me over to see this or that. Lots of oooohs and aaaahs and wows. Several times she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight and thanked me so much for doing this with her. That’s when I realized…this was SO much more than going to see a bunch of old stuff.

\n

This was a celebration. Of healing. Of love. Of warm memories shared. Even of forgiveness. This was a bonding ritual…something only she and I could share as the wedding rapidly approaches and her life is forever changed. This was incredibly special. And we enjoyed every minute of it. 

\n

We didn’t get to see 1/4th of the store before we were both fried. We left arm in arm and headed out to the truck. I drove her back to her car. As she prepared to leave she reached over and kissed me on the cheek.

\n

“Thank you, mamacita. That was so much fun!”

\n

You’re welcome, Moon Pie.

\n

❤️

\n
“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”\n

Psalm 127:3 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-13T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/13/revisiting-memories.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Aging","Presence","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/12/saying-goodbye-to-towwanda.html", "title": "Saying Goodbye to TOW-Wanda!", "content_html": "

\"Camper\" “TOW-Wanda…being towed away to her new life with a boy.”

\n

Night before last, I put the camper on Facebook Marketplace at 10:00. It sold in thirty minutes! And, there were thirty people right behind the guy I sold it to, ready to step up and pay cash. I was shocked. I was forthright in explaining the camper needed work or would be perfect for a backyard she shed, writer’s nook, guest quarters, or kids playhouse. Still, the price and “camper” were enough to bring everyone out of the woodwork seeking a deal.

\n

The first person who said he wanted it was a guy who just got married on the 8th. He was so excited to get the camper, he was knowledgeable and fully understood what it was going to take to get her fixed. He wanted to fix up TOW-Wanda so he could take his son camping. He took a picture and sent it to his dad. Then he FaceTimed with his son and I could hear their excitement.

\n

This guy knew campers. He knew what it would take to really fix her right. I am so glad about that because I was worried someone who didn’t really know about them might get it and not heed my warnings and try to tow it to the mountains. We had a long talk. We negotiated a price that was fair and acceptable to us both. I told him, I could see God’s hand all over this. For me…to learn a valuable lesson about inspecting campers well before you buy them. And for him…to affordably get into a camper that he has the skills to fix so that he can be a good dad to his son. 

\n

Yes…I lost money on the deal. But, no one got hurt…just my pride. And there’s a little boy out there who is going to be one happy camper when he gets to go out in the mountains with his dad. There is no price tag on the making of a man.

\n

❤️

\n
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”\n

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-12T01:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/12/saying-goodbye-to-towwanda.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/11/blog-inspiration.html", "title": "Blog Inspiration", "content_html": "

\"Midsummer’s “Enjoying a midsummer’s eve in Colorado.”

\n

I was talking about my blog the other day with the owner of a lovely antique store in Minturn, Colorado. Just a stone’s throw from the glitz and glamour of Vail, Minturn still holds that little mining town feel it’s had for decades. It is kind of land bound…there can’t be a ton of new expansion and building outrageous mansions for the rich and famous. The town center is located just two miles off I-70, but it seems like a step back in time.

\n

I told the owner of the shop that my life experiences are “blog fodder”. Just about everything I do, I look for the gold in the moment. I ask myself, “How can I weave this into an interesting story without sounding like Aunt Bertha describing her breakfast for the umpteenth time?” I always look for ways my posts can be positive, uplifting, encouraging, and even empowering. I want you to come away with something good for your day…even if it’s just a smile or a giggle.

\n

Yesterday was bittersweet as I began emptying the camper and packing the items away in plastic bins. I need to be able to fit everything in my truck, including what Mr. FixIt brings with him from West Virginia. I’ll list it tomorrow so people can shop over the weekend and hopefully she will find a new home and someone will love her as much as I have. We girl campers have a strong attachment to our little homes on wheels.

\n

I bought some of those big ziplock bags that you vacuum the air out of and the compress the contents for easy storage. I’d never used them before but they were amazing. Ben and Sue have a huge dining room table to accommodate our large family at dinners. I had the top of that table piled two feet deep with pillows, blankets, towels, and my fur throw. By the time I got the items packed and the air vacuumed out, I couldn’t believe how compact it was. There is room in the back under the tonneau cover for one more large bin with some extra space around them. These bags will easily slip between and on top of the plastic bins, keeping the contents from getting wet.

\n

When I was finished with my chores for the day, I went out on the back porch to write. Sue has the most beautiful flowers this summer. It has been rainy and cool up to this week so they are thriving. It’s unusual to keep pots this pretty by the middle of July here in the semi-arid climate of Colorado. The air cooled to a reasonable 81 degrees by 8:30 so I sat there for a long time…admiring the beauty of a midsummer’s eve.

\n

I hope you are enjoying your summer. I was telling Sue at supper list night…I think I’ve only been home a week or so since the last week of May. It’s ok…I’m having a wonderful time and it will only be made better by Mr. FixIt’s arrival on Saturday. Two more sleeps!!!

\n

❤️

\n
“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”\n

Ephesians 5:28 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-11T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/11/blog-inspiration.html", "tags": ["Family","Travel","TOW-Wanda!","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/05/hail-hailthe-gangs-all-here.html", "title": "Hail, Hail...The Gang’s All Here!", "content_html": "

\"Lilies\" “The beauty of sunshine and lilies.”

\n

Daughter #2 and I got a chance to spend a few hours together yesterday. We had coffee at the house then went shopping at Target. Man, that store has changed since the last time I went there. I used to shop Target all the time, but we don’t have one anywhere near where we live in West Virginia. After shopping at Walmart all these years, Target looks like an upscale department store.

\n

We went out to breakfast at Sam’s No. 3…a wonderful diner in Cherry Creek that has the most extensive menu I think I have ever seen. Eggs Benedict was my choice yesterday and it was divine. If you ever go to Denver and get to spend any time there, you really should go.

\n

We had a big family gathering with those who were in town yesterday. Lots of food and homemade ice cream. The fireworks were going off all around us. And Mother Nature provided some of her own! We had two big storms blow through with a tornado watch and lots of hail. It did succeed in cooling things off immensely, which was very nice.

\n

I showed the girls the dresses I’ve bought that I could wear to the wedding and we all agreed on one. Also, I gave them the quilt I made for their wedding gift and they loved it! It was a beautiful day with my Colorado family. 

\n

❤️

\n
“Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.”\n

Proverbs 23:22 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-05T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/05/hail-hailthe-gangs-all-here.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Forgiveness","Aging","Presence","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/03/trailer-troublewith-a-capital-t.html", "title": "Trailer Trouble...With a Capital T", "content_html": "

\"Trailer “Damage to the camper indicating it is no longer towable.”

\n

Whenever I travel with one of my campers, I always circle around and do a visual safety check. I check before I head out. I check when I park for the night. And I check when I get to my destination. Saturday night I stayed at a hotel in Russell, KS. I did my walkabout when I locked her up to go inside and there was nothing wrong. Same thing the next morning before I headed out on the road for the final leg into Denver.

\n

When I arrived at Ben & Sue’s house and I was unhooking, I noticed the front curbside corner of the camper had separated a little. It looked like a couple of screws had popped and all I would need to do is screw them back in. I was hot and tired and not planning to tow anytime soon so I decided to wait till I was better rested. The first chance I had was yesterday morning.

\n

I went out and looked at the corner again. I tried to push back on the panel but it would not move. This indicated to me there was weight behind it and my original idea was not going to work. I got down on my knees and looked back at the base of the trailer where it meets the frame and this is what I was faced with. The other side looks almost as bad.

\n

That silver metal cover is the rock guard. It’s called diamond plate. It is heavy gauge and does NOT tear easily. I knew as soon as I saw it what had happened. When I first bought the camper, I notice there was about a two to three inch water stain on the mattress below one corner of that front window. 

\n

These windows notoriously leak. That’s why most camper companies don’t build a camper with them anymore. I asked the previous owner when I was inspecting the camper if it leaked and she said she had never noticed it before. Maybe it happened over the winter and was new. There was another red flag…the front surface had become delaminated. There is a fiberglass material fused over the wood walls in this camper. If there is a leak, over time…the surface will come away from the wood and have a rippled appearance.

\n

It was a red flag that I didn’t understand was HUGE. I was thinking “little r”. Nope….big mama-honkin’ R! The more I camped in this new-to-me camper, the bigger that little leak got. I figured as soon as I had time, I would pop that front window out and re-caulk it. Done. Easy peasy. But it kept raining and I kept busy and then…boom!

\n

What happened was, driving across the washboard that was once I-70 caused the board across the bottom front of the camper (that had obviously softened or rotted) to buckle from the weight of the camper body being repeatedly slammed down on it. This brought the body down over half an inch, dropping it onto the frame that comes out to create the tongue and hitch.

\n

Layman’s terms? The camper is not towable in this condition. There are several scenarios that can happen here. 

\n
    \n \t
  1. I could fix it myself. But this is a long, big, BIG job that could entail tearing the camper down to the frame and reconstructing it. I don’t have a place to work undercover. I’m not here long enough to do it...even if I were so inclined. Which I am not.
    2. \n \t
  2. I could have someone fix it for me. This could cost two to three thousand dollars and the camper itself isn’t worth much more than that. (Come to find out, I paid too much for it, but we live and learn, right?) I’m not willing to put the money into it.
    3. \n \t
  3. I can sell the camper “as is” with the firm stipulation that it is not roadworthy. This is a viable option. A lot of people are putting little campers in their back yards to use as she-sheds, guest houses, Air B&B accommodations, or playhouses for the kids and grandkids.
    4. \n \t
  4. I can just leave it here and worry about it next summer, but that isn’t very reasonable. It would take up room at Ben & Sue’s and it would be out in a potentially bad Colorado winter. It’s just putting off the inevitable.
    5. \n
\nSo, plans change. We won’t be camping on this trip except in the driveway of Ben & Sue’s house until I can manage to sell the camper. Mr. FixIt couldn’t find the title at home so he needs to get a new one. In order to do that, he needs the registration. That was in my truck so I sent it to him priority mail and he’ll get it Friday. Then he will send me the new title. And, he will be here a week from Saturday.\n

I don’t want to say I feel stupid. But I didn’t do what anyone who buys a used camper should do. I didn’t have it inspected by an RV professional. The inside showed no damage…it was pristine. All but that tiny leak. The only thing that made me feel better was this: The only way I could have known that board inside was rotten was to tear the front off the camper and you can’t do that. I had no way of knowing. It was just one of those unfortunate issues that sometimes comes with used campers.

\n

I have backup campers at home. Everything will work out. I am VERY grateful nothing terrible happened on the road like the frame breaking in the middle of Kansas. This is workable…it’s not the end of the world. I will inevitably lose money on this deal, but that’s a lesson learned and an excellent teaching moment when I mentor women campers. 

\n

I tell my husband this over and over and over. “You get what you pay for.” I had the money to get a new(er) camper, but I went for the deal. Sometimes that “good deal” just doesn’t work out. And then again….sometimes rainbows come after the worst of storms! I wonder how God is going to use this for good? There is a reason this has happened here and now. I just don’t know what it is yet!

\n

❤️

\n
“It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain.”    Isaiah 4:6 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-07-03T01:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/03/trailer-troublewith-a-capital-t.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","Growth","God","Wisdom","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/02/the-motherdaughter-dance.html", "title": "The Mother-Daughter Dance", "content_html": "

\"Happy “I am a Happy Camper!”

\n

I danced with my mother. Not literally…but figuratively we went round and round and round. She always knew I loved her and I knew she loved me right back. I made sure of that. But we aggravated the heck out of each other more than I care to admit. We were still moving in that circle when she died rather suddenly at the age of seventy-eight. By that time, my own daughters were well on their way to dancing with me.

\n

My older daughter was very pregnant with my mother’s first great-grandchild and couldn’t come to her grandma’s funeral. I didn’t bring my younger daughter either because she was only nine and in school. I traveled to mom’s funeral alone half the way, meeting up with my Aunt Rosie in the Charlotte Airport for the last flight in.

\n

I have good girls. They are as different as night and day and are often like oil and water, but deep down they love each other because they are sisters. I wasn’t always a very good mother to them. There was that long stretch when I was deeply depressed and nearly non-functional. I drank too much and I took too many prescription drugs. When I overdosed, it ripped the fabric of our relationship and I feared I would never, ever get them back.

\n

We danced our own dance. We went round and round and we didn’t know how to reach each other. I hurt them in ways I couldn’t even begin to fathom till I got well. Then I had to rebuild their trust in me. It was hard, painful work. There were times I was absolutely certain they hated me. But they didn’t really. I wasn’t the only one who had to learn who this new version of me was.

\n

I watch Daughter #1 with her kids. I watch her face some of the same issues I faced and she handles them so much better than I did because she has a wonderful, stable marriage she isn’t also struggling to fix. I love watching her with the girls. Big is learning to drive. She is tall and athletic…a swimmer. She is bright and accomplished and dedicated. Little is part mini-me…part mini-mom. She is petite and eclectic…artistic and sensitive…bright and compassionate. She is a little shooting star.

\n

Last night, I sat at swim practice with Daughter #1 and talked for a couple of hours. It was the first time in a long time that I felt like I didn’t have to hold my breath out of fear I’d say or do the wrong thing and not be the mom I should be. That is baggage I am happy to set down. I knitted while we chatted. There was a warm, easy acceptance that flowed between us and I realized I could relax now. We’re ok. It was a long storm, but we weathered it. We’re better with each other. My heart felt full.

\n

Her kids are older now. She’s had some experience with life that she hadn’t had back when I let them down. I think she gets me a little better these days. We’re all a little older, a little wiser, a little softer. I think now, our dance is sweeter.

\n

❤️

\n
“\"Behold, everyone who uses proverbs will use this proverb about you: 'Like mother, like daughter.'”    Ezekiel 16:44 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2019-07-02T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/02/the-motherdaughter-dance.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Aging","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/30/americas-bread-basket-is-baking.html", "title": "America’s Bread Basket is Baking!", "content_html": "

\"Snaps “Clockwise from top left: My rig in the summer sun in Kansas, the long straight stretch that is Kansas…look how green!, my digital laser thermometer that I use to check my hub temperatures at every stop, me looking decidedly fresher in the AM than I was by evening!”

\n

You know you are getting into farm and ranch land when you start seeing billboards advertising bovine genetics and DEKALB seed corn. I left the Lazy Day Campground in Danville, Missouri yesterday morning about 8:00. It was a very long, very HOT day. A section of I-70 was closed at Kansas City so I took the recommended detour. I recognized it as the route I usually take anyway to avoid downtown. There is one interchange on the interstate near the city where you have to get from the right hand side onramp to a left hand side exit in less than 1/4 mile. Pulling a camper makes that a real challenge, let me tell you!!! At least it wasn’t with big TOW-Wanda on a Friday night at rush hour. We have to look for the little things!

\n

When I was emptying the tanks on the camper before I left yesterday, it wasn’t 8:00 yet and the sun would take the hide right off of you. The temperature quickly soared to the high 90’s and by the time I was halfway through Kansas, it was 100. The low was only expected to go down to 80 so I stopped and got a hotel room. When I first got in the room, I cranked up the air conditioner and stretched out on the bed. I texted Mr. FixIt and said, “I am NEVER doing this again!!!” He texted back that I don’t have to. I’m holding him to it! 

\n

Ok, it was the third day. It was hard. It was hot. I was tired and probably a little hungry and dehydrated. And knowing I have over 350 more miles to go had me feeling really sorry for myself there for a few minutes. But, once I rested for a while and got something to eat and drink, I felt a ton better. When I stop tonight, it’s going to be at my son-in-law’s parents’ house so I’ll be with family. It’s going to take me a week to rest up and acclimate to the altitude. Mr. FixIt will join me on the 13th so that time will pass quickly.

\n

I had a lot of time to think about this as I was driving yesterday. I don’t like being this far away from Mr. FixIt. I thought about that from every angle. I asked myself if it was co-dependency. I don’t think it’s that at all. I do all kinds of things without him and I don’t need to be attached at the hip. I talked with my dear friend Deneene about this last night. She lost her husband unexpectedly about a year after Mr. Virgo died. She is also recently remarried. We decided it’s not co-dependency at all. It’s the fact that we KNOW what can happen and how quickly it can come. I don’t think it’s that I’m doing something without him. It’s that I’m doing something so far away from him and I can’t get to him quickly. THAT I don’t like at all.

\n

Still, it is fun in many ways. I’ve seen some beautiful countryside. The sky was blue and wide open. I’ve forgotten what that looks like living in West Virginia. (I took the picture while driving but my phone was in a cradle and all I did was touch the screen. No eyes off the road for me!) I don’t have anything pressing to do once I get to Denver so I can relax and catch up on my rest, keep myself really hydrated to counteract the altitude, knit, write, and visit with my Colorado peeps. I could not believe how green Kansas is. They had the same long, drawn out, wet spring everyone else had. It is so hard to believe the temperature is in the high 90’s in Colorado and one week ago they had two feet of snow. Crazy weather!

\n

Oh, see that picture bottom right? That’s my digital laser thermometer. After burning up an axle in Indiana two summer ago, I check my hubs religiously…every time I stop and get out of the truck. I know you can just put your hand down there and feel if it’s hot, but how hot is too hot and if it IS that hot, you’ll burn the heck out of your hand. I keep watch on it and it’s always between 100-110. That’s perfect. If it goes up, it means the bearings need grease.

\n

Well, I’m on the last leg of this Grand Adventure. The last leg of the first part of it, anyway! It’s just me and Jesus…making our way west!

\n

❤️

\n

“….“The Lord watch between you and me, when we are out of one another’s sight.”

\n

Genesis 31:49 ESV

\n

#Separation, #Marriage, #Adventure

\n", "date_published": "2019-06-30T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/30/americas-bread-basket-is-baking.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/28/road-trip-cant-keep-a.html", "title": "Road Trip: Can’t Keep a Good Gal Down!", "content_html": "

\"A “A Shady Spot”

\n

If you would have asked me at 10:00 Wednesday night, I would have told you (as I told you this morning) there was NO WAY I was going to leave for Colorado yesterday morning. Ahhhh…but, once I got past the icky stomach, took my tummy medicine, and slept a solid eight hours, it was a whole different ballgame.

\n

Because I was getting up and down, I slept in the guest room so I wouldn’t wake up Mr. FixIt. I awoke before dawn…around 5:00…and felt great. I read my devotionals and caught up on some correspondence then my sweetheart came to check on me around 7:00. I met him with a big smile and said I was good to go! He smiled back with relief. He doesn’t like it when I’m sick anymore that the other way around.

\n

It took a couple of hours to finish packing the truck and camper and I was on the road by 9:00. My first stop was Walmart to pick up a few things. I had some things to return. I got back to the camper and put away my purchases and got in the truck. There were my return items sitting on the front seat. Oy! I really didn’t want to cart them to Colorado so I went back in and stood in a long, slow line. But, it’s done and I was out before too long.

\n

The next and final stop was gas and a great big drink to stay hydrated on my trip. The young gal behind the counter was very excited because she is leaving on vacation today. Her very first camping trip! Well, I turned right back around and talked with her for awhile! I sure hope she has a grand time and decides to keep right on camping! Those first few camping trips are critical. You’ll either love it or hate it.

\n

It was really hot yesterday and about midway through my drive, I pulled over into a rest area to stretch out on my bed. Well, it was over 90 degrees! Of course, when you pull into a rest area, there’s no electricity, so no AC. You need to improvise. The last time I drove cross country alone, I stopped in Kansas for a rest and needed to do something to cool off. I had a tiny little battery fan and a cold pack from the freezer. It worked ever so slightly, but it wasn’t long before the cold pack was melted and that was the end of that.

\n

When I was at Walmart yesterday, I bought two 10” fans that are powered by fan and batteries. I’ve also taken to carrying a very large bottle of water that I keep in the freezer of the camper. Went I stretched out on my bed yesterday, I sat the large frozen container in a basin and put the fan behind it. I also had three water bottles I had frozen. I set them up in front of the other fan. I positioned myself in front of the cool air and had a lovely mini siesta. Perfect! I popped all the bottles back in the freezer before I pulled back on the highway.

\n

\"Hillbilly “Hillbilly Air Conditioner!”

\n

That right there is a little hillbilly ingenuity. Appalachians are a resourceful lot. I arrived at my favorite little campground in Richmond, Indiana at around 5:30…had supper from my slow cooker and enjoyed the beautiful surroundings as the sun went down. I tried to keep from turning on the AC, but it was still 85 degrees at 8:00 and I was done with the heat by that time. I’ve never slept all night with the AC on in this little camper. It’s pretty noisy in this tiny little space.

\n

I wrote early last night so I could have a good solid night’s sleep. Yesterday was a long day, but I didn’t get very far. That’s usually how it works on the first day out. For me, anyway. I monitored all the systems on the camper and the truck and everything worked just as it should so I don’t foresee any difficulties. As always, I say my prayers for travel mercies. I appreciate when you do, as well.

\n

Have a beautiful Friday!!!

\n

❤️

\n
“Guard me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from violent men, who have planned to trip up my feet.”\n

Psalms 140:4 ESV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-06-28T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/28/road-trip-cant-keep-a.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/25/road-trip-falling-into-place.html", "title": "Road Trip: Falling Into Place", "content_html": "

 

\n

\"Tonneau “Tonneau Cover for a Pickup”

\n

My old truck had a fiberglass topper on it. It was really nice. I had the top lined with a carpet liner as well as a carpet bed liner. I had a couple of garment rods, a light, and two 12v outlets installed as well. It had a rack on the roof for my kayak. It was a sweet setup. Then, when my truck was totaled, the topper and all it’s accouterments went with it.

\n

My new-to-me truck just has a plastic bed liner. There have been many times I have wished I had some way to tote things on my trips without necessarily having them visible to anyone who parks right beside us. I happened to mention this to Mr. FixIt the other day. He doesn’t forget things like this. We’ll get back to that in a minute.

\n

A lot of things fell into place yesterday. First, we thought we might need new tires before I head to Denver. Mr. FixIt called all around and finally found a suitable pair for a reasonable price at Sam’s, but still…mounted and balanced…four tires were going to cost nearly $800! A chunk of change, to be sure. That’s the price of owning a truck.

\n

We signed in at the tire desk, ordered the four tires, and paid for them. It was going to take about two hours so we started wandering around the store. About ten minutes later, they paged me overhead and we went back to the auto department. It turns out, I had a little over half the tread left on the tires and he didn’t want me to buy something I didn’t need.

\n

How refreshing! Thank you, Brandon!

\n

I did ask them, since they already had the truck back there, to please rotate the tires so they did that. As we were looking around the store, Mr. FixIt got a text. He said he had found a used tonneau cover for my truck for $150. I texted the woman selling it. She asked if I could also use a carpet bed liner! Well, yes…as a matter of fact. She then went on to tell me she was sick and tired of advertising stuff and if I wanted them both, she would sell them together for $75. Score! Now I can have a cover over my stuff during the Colorado trip.

\n

We went to pick up our mail at the post office and there was my new water pump for the camper. Mr. FixIt can get that put in for me today, I can clean out my camper and restock it, run to town, change the oil on the truck, and leave for my trip west…maybe on Wednesday! I am really looking forward to seeing my kids and grandkids so if everything lines up like this, I’ll be on my way sooner rather than later.

\n

Another road trip, Ranchers! Head ‘em up…move ‘em out!

\n

❤️

\n
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”\n

Proverbs 16:9 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-06-25T01:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/25/road-trip-falling-into-place.html", "tags": ["Family","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Gratitude","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/21/vacations-past-present.html", "title": "Vacations: Past \u0026 Present", "content_html": "

\"Vacation “Vacation Photos: The Making of Memories”

\n

The idea of a vacation was totally foreign to me till I was in my late twenties. My family were not big travelers. We didn’t go to the beach every summer like many of my friends’ families did. We didn’t go camping or hike or play on the river that was a mere five blocks from our house. My Grandma was only west of the Mississippi a couple of times in her life. The first was to see my Uncle Sonny get his wings as an Air Force pilot. The second was when she went to Minnesota to visit my aunt’s resort on Lake Kabetogama. Two vacations in her life.

\n

We didn’t have the money to have extravagant vacations. We visited my aunt and uncle over near the eastern panhandle of West Virginia for a week every summer. That was as close to a vacation that I ever got until I was married to Hubby #2. Our first real vacation was a road trip, car camping around Colorado. After that, we went to West Virginia several times to visit family and one year we went on a twenty mile backpack trip there.

\n

The first extravagant vacation we had was a trip to Cancun with friends the year before I had Daughter #2. We went to Hawaii once, but it was very difficult to get him away from his practice for very long. We did quick trips to DC, Yellowstone, and Disney. After he and I parted company, I traveled alone whenever I could. I took Daughter #2 on a three week road trip when she turned thirteen and took her to Mexico for her sixteenth birthday.

\n

When Mr. Virgo came along, we had great plans to travel when he retired. We did go on a long road trip for our honeymoon. We went to Utah once, and Yellowstone twice. In the summer of 2011, I took him to West Virginia to meet my family. He wanted to take me to Europe to see all the beautiful places he had been. We were buying a camper for retirement when he died.

\n

Heading out on my own again, this time with my own little camper, I found travel to be my solace…my escape…a panacea for the pain of losing my husband. I traveled a lot in those years following his death. And, I was still on the road when my Uncle Bud called me home to live on the family farm. Even living there seemed like a vacation…a dream vacation luxuriating in the memories of my loving family.

\n

Then, Mr. FixIt came along. Thankfully, he was retired and itching to get out and do things. We’ve already accomplished more travel in the short time we’ve been together than I did in the last thirty years. But, is it really “vacation” when you’re retired? Yes and no. No, because every day is Saturday, to some extent. We aren’t bound by the clock and time is somewhat our own. Yes when you consider all the work our properties entail.

\n

I am so grateful for the opportunities to travel and see new places. I know there may come a time in the future when I may not get to do these things, so I’m making up for lost time. I’m banking memories like a squirrel hiding nuts. Someday, I’ll look back on all this…I’ll read the pages of this blog or my book…and have some wonderful stories to tell.

\n

❤️

\n
“I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man.”    \n

Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-06-21T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/21/vacations-past-present.html", "tags": ["Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/17/early-bird-special.html", "title": "Early Bird Special", "content_html": "

\"Florida “Father’s Day in Florida…a little slice of Heaven!”

\n

It wasn’t that many years ago that I looked on as “old people” toddled into restaurants to eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon. The “Early Bird Special”.  “Bonkers!” I thought. “What on earth are they doing eating at this time of day? Don’t they know how to have FUN anymore?”

\n

HA!

\n

Guess who can’t eat anything other than Raisin Bran after 5:00??? Yeah…what goes around, comes around, don’t it?

\n

So Father’s Day started out great. A lovely breakfast served to my sweet man…father to a great family…love of my heart. Then, we headed to the Ponce deLeon Lighthouse. We’ve been there before. It was earlier in the day…I was in much better shape…and it wasn’t so darned hot the last time. The “feels like” temperature yesterday when we arrived at said lighthouse was 98 degrees. 

\n

When you came out of the drastically air conditioned gift shop into the Florida heat and humidity at 1:00 in the afternoon, it seriously felt like walking into a sauna. And, there were signs everywhere that said “No water bottles.” Among other important things to leave behind like pets and flip flops. 

\n

Seriously? You want a slightly pudgy West Virginian with heat intolerance to climb up 203 steps…without water…or air, for that matter. Ok, I’ve done it before…I’m sure I can do it again. As I climbed the stairs, I got to the first landing and remembered. THIS was the lighthouse I didn’t like before. It gets narrower and narrower the further up you go till it becomes really tight. AND…they don’t open the windows so there is zero air flow.

\n

The last time I felt like this was in 1989 when I climbed up the interior staircase of the hidden inner pyramid of Chichen Itza. Very narrow, steep stairs, slippery with the dampness, only the occasional incandescent bulb hanging dimly to lead your way. Four of us entered…our good friends, Hubby #2, and me. Only two of us made it up. Me and our friend’s husband. The others backed out with feelings of claustrophobia. 

\n

This felt tight and close like that and by the time I got up to that first flight, I couldn’t breathe. It was the heat and being out of and still feeling the effects of illness. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “Nope…not doing this one!” I went down and out and sat in a rocker on the front porch of the lighthouse keeper’s house, waiting for Mr. FixIt to come out on the balcony above.

\n

He snapped a few pictures and chatted with some folks from Roanoke then gave me a jaunty wave. When he came back down, he looked like a drowned rat. It was time to cool off and we headed for the air conditioned museums.

\n

Once we were cooler, we headed to the truck and drove down to New Smyrna Beach. I’ve got to tell you, driving down that narrow little street with the Father’s Day crowds didn’t feel much different than climbing that ever narrowing lighthouse with no air. I couldn’t believe how many people were crowded into such a tiny area. 

\n

I’ve been there before so I didn’t really need to get out. But it was Father’s Day…we do for the ones we love. I won out when we finally found ONE parking spot in a lot. You pay by entering your driver’s license number and stick in your credit card. When the fee came up in the window, I nearly fell over. $20.00! You had to pay for a full day. Nope! Not doing that either.

\n

We headed back toward our condo and we both decided we were hungry and wanted seafood. We came by Blackbeard’s Inn and remembered eating there the last time we were in Florida. We pulled in and had such a good meal. Blue crab cake and coconut shrimp with a baked potato. All perfectly delicious.

\n

What time was it, you ask? 

\n

4:00

\n

The Early Bird Special!

\n

sigh

\n

❤️

\n
‬‬“Do not reject me now that I am old; do not abandon me now that I am feeble.”    ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭71:9‬ ‭GNT
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-06-17T01:30:53-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/17/early-bird-special.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Wisdom","Humbled","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/15/facebook-memories.html", "title": "Facebook Memories", "content_html": "

\"Home “The Storm King House”

\n

Oh, sometimes those memories that pop up on your timeline are killers, aren’t they? On my birthday, five years ago, I put my Colorado house on the market. I bought this house when Hubby #2 and I split up. It was about a third built and I chose my colors, carpeting, cabinets and countertops, and all the plumbing and lighting fixtures. Even though Daughter #2 was only eleven years old, she spent three weeks at a time with each of us. It was, essentially, the first time I’d ever lived sort of alone.

\n

I was so proud of the house. I did the landscaping myself…laying sod, planting trees and flowers. This was before the days of “TOW-Wanda” so my little house was my sanctuary. I decorated like girls lived there…because, they did. I had green and white striped sofas and lots of florals. No TV. The antique rolltop desk that my uncle left to me when he died sat where an entertainment center was supposed to go.

\n

I didn’t have curtains. I needed all the light I could get. I loved that house. Then, Mr. Virgo came along. Six months after he moved into the house, he diplomatically asked if I had ever given any thought to redecorating. I think the fru-fru girly stuff was getting to his mountain man sensibilities. I acquiesced and when we were married, we got rid of all the furniture and started over.

\n

A friend of mine was moving to Hilton Head and didn’t want to take the furniture from her million dollar house, so I bought about $25,000 worth of furniture from her for $4,000. We painted the first floor living area as loft gold, hung tapestry valances, and brought in the new furniture. We had the painting behind the dining room table done by a Colorado artist. And we found the breakfast table and chairs at a local furniture store.

\n

I felt so….grown up. All this sophisticated furniture with my homey touches of family antiques filled my heart. I really, REALLY loved my house. 

\n

Then Mr. Virgo died. We had just refinanced the house five months before he died. In order to give us flexibility with payments, we went with a thirty year mortgage with the understanding we would pay it off quickly when we were flush and still stay afloat on the lean months. Now I was faced with a tenth of the income and a mortgage that wouldn’t be paid off till I was ninety years old!

\n

I quickly began to hate the house. It needed new carpet, new windows, new appliances, new paint. It was nickel and dime-ing me to death. And there were memories around every corner. I couldn’t stand it. I stayed away as much as I could. They tell you not to make any major decisions in the first year after losing your spouse. So, I waited till the next summer and decided to sell. 

\n

I wouldn’t change a thing, really. I made my decisions based on what I was faced with in the moment. I suppose, maybe I could have kept the house and rented it out, but that just presents a whole different set of problems. We went through that when we rented it out for three years while we worked around the state. In reality, it would have been cumbersome.

\n

Do I miss it? I don’t know…I look at these pictures and remember how beautiful it was. I remember all my stuff I had in it. I think the thing I miss the most is that great front porch. But that is not the life I live now. That was then. This is now. I have a life now that I wouldn’t trade for the world. And, when we build our retirement home, we can make it any way we want it. And I’ll have a big front porch just like this one. That’s the one thing I’ll ask for special.

\n

Facebook Memories….sometimes they blindside you. Sometimes they show you’re right where you’re supposed to be. 

\n

❤️

\n
“For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything.”    Hebrews 3:4 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-06-15T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/15/facebook-memories.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/13/happy-birthday.html", "title": "Happy Birthday!", "content_html": "

\"Night “Happy Birthday, to ME!”

\n

June is my birthday month. 

\n

I love June. I love my birthday. So I just combine them and celebrate the whole month!

\n

After sleeping twelve hours straight on Tuesday night, Mr. FixIt and I went down to the beach and walked then played in the pool for a while. After lunch, I took a three hour nap. Seeing a trend there? It’s all about ME ‘cause it’s my birthday month!

\n

Just as I woke up, Mr. FixIt walked in to make sure I didn’t sleep too long and not be able to sleep later. Then he asked me that question every woman longs to hear.

\n

“How would you like to go eat ice cream for dinner?”

\n

Back off girls…I saw him first!

\n

Yes, ladies…I have married the perfect man. Not only does he celebrate my birthday with me for a month…but he also takes me out for an ice cream dinner. Sexiest man alive.

\n

After a dinner of butter pecan in a chocolate dipped waffle cone, we drove around. We shopped at a couple of Mr. FixIt’s stores. We found Aldi’s and picked up a few groceries. Wonderful strawberries for a dollar.

\n

A simple day…Birthday Eve.

\n

Today is my actual birthday.

\n

Sixty-six. Wow. Why does it sound so much older than sixty-five?

\n

Some of the grandchildren were over Monday evening before we left. I told them how old I was going to be.

\n

“Sixty-six! Can you believe that? It has been half a century since I was sixteen! Half a century!!! You know that’s fifty years, right???”

\n

My wise grandson-in-law said, “Did it go fast?”

\n

How do you answer that? Yes…it flew by in a nanosecond! No, it lasted forever! It’s both.

\n

It’s the coolest thing…to be sixteen plus fifty. I was sixteen in 1969…the summer of love. “God Bless Pink Summers ‘69!” That’s how my best friend signed her letters when she was off at a summer internship. Woodstock. Rock and Roll. Hippies. Bell bottoms. Long hair. 

\n

I thought I was free. 

\n

I was so wrong.

\n

It took living those fifty years to actually BECOME free. Funny how that works. I’d hate to have gone through all that and not learned the beautiful, hard, gritty, wonderful lessons involved. 

\n

Sixty-six. Nope, that doesn’t bother me a bit. 

\n

I’m a crone now. I love that!

\n

Happy Birthday to ME!

\n

❤️

\n
““ ‘ “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” ’”    Numbers 6:24-26 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-06-13T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/13/happy-birthday.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/06/one-hour-thirtyfive-dollars-a.html", "title": "One Hour \u0026 Thirty-Five Dollars = A Haircut", "content_html": "

\"Woman “Before and After…what a difference a haircut makes!”

\n

I haven’t really felt like my perky self for a while. Nothing I could really put my finger on. Maybe a little tired. Maybe a little down about aging. I’ve been losing weight but avoiding the mirror. It didn’t really dawn on me till I saw pictures from the baptism a couple of weeks ago and I was up on the stage with my bonus granddaughter. Gasp! I looked SO old! I looked like my grandma. Not that that is a bad thing, but I’m talking in her 80’s. I was in desperate need of a haircut!

\n

I always celebrate birthday month…not just a week or a weekend or a day. Nope…I was born in June…I celebrate JUNE! This month I turn 66. It’s only a number. I have more energy than I did at half my age. I remember when I turned 26. I was SO depressed! It had been a WHOLE DECADE since I got my driver’s license. Give me a break! Now it’s been half a century since I got my driver’s license. insert eye roll here

\n

No, it wasn’t my actual calendar age that was getting to me. It was my hair. I got lazy. I got tired of going in every six weeks and getting it cut. I got tired of sometimes having the perfect cut and other times wondering what went wrong. I got tired of spending the money on something that you just have to do over and over and over. 

\n

It’s not my fault really. I saw beautiful older women on Pinterest…long flowing locks of silver hair caressing unnaturally perky breasts. Stylishly dressed. Leaning against brick buildings in downtown New York City….their jacket carelessly draped across their shoulders…their chunky boho jewelry and oversized sunglasses deflecting my gaze from anything that could barely be called crepe-y skin. No…Pinterest assured me I would look uber chic with long, silver hair.

\n

Then, I took a look at myself and wondered what on earth possessed me to do such a thing. Me…in my JCPenney sleeveless summer dress made from t-shirt material. Me…of the ample upper arms and comfortable tummy. Me…of the “I know I have makeup SOMEWHERE in this house!” Me…of the Chacos and farmer tan and clip-on sunglasses and floppy brimmed had and a riding mower. Yeah…it was time for a reality check.

\n

I called Michelle on Tuesday and cried uncle. I said, “You win! I’m coming in to cut it off!” I’m almost sure I heard an audible sigh of relief from the other end of the phone. “How’s tomorrow at 11:00?” She didn’t want to wait too long for fear I might change my mind.

\n

An hour. Thirty-five dollars. That’s all it took to bring back my sparkle. It’s really true…if you LOOK good, you FEEL good. I walked out of there feeling like a million bucks! It’s such a simple thing…getting a haircut. Oh, and a pedi. A MUCH needed pedi. I hadn’t had a “Me Day” for such a long time. It was way overdue and I feel so much better.

\n

I sent the before and after photos to Mr. FixIt with a note…”Here’s the girl you fell in love with!” And you wanna know what he said?

\n

“You’re beautiful…but, I didn’t fall in love with your hair.”

\n

My cheeks hurt from smiling.

\n

❤️

\n
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”    1 Peter 4:8 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-06-06T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/06/one-hour-thirtyfive-dollars-a.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/03/weather-warnings.html", "title": "Weather Warnings", "content_html": "

\"WV “Clockwise from top left: Milkweed about to bloom, box turtle preparing to lay eggs, hail along the road, the field we were married in, hail from 10 miles down the road from the Ponderosa”

\n

When you live twenty miles from town and get a severe thunderstorm warning for home, you have to just hope for the best. I always send a quick prayer up when we get those alerts but this time it came while we were in the restaurant having breakfast and didn’t have our phones on us.

\n

As we were driving home, Mr. FixIt’s son called to see if we had hail. They saw a news report with quarter  sized hailstones from just a few miles away from the house. When we got closer to home, we started to see leaves on the road looking all the world like chopped salad. There were patches of white hail gathered along the roadside. The creeks were roaring. It didn’t look good.

\n

All we could think of was the campers, my truck, and water in the basement. But when we came around the last bend in the road, the damage just stopped. When we passed the house closest to us, I looked for her garden and it was pristine! No hail here! We rushed downstairs and there was no water in the basement either. God was watching out for us again!

\n

We walked around the fields in the early evening. We came across this box turtle. She had dug a hole and was preparing to lay her eggs. I’ve never seen that before. As we came around the end of the camper we are selling, a doe was standing in the field watching us. We talked quietly to her and she stood still for a long time listening before she moved on.

\n

We found a deer skull on the rocks by the creek…probably scavenged road kill from the two lane out front. The pears are getting bigger on the two trees out front. We got a couple tomato plants on clearance at Walmart so we’ll plant those this week. I also need to start getting the camper packed for the Girl Camper trip this week. And…the grass needs mowed…again.

\n

❤️

\n
“It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain.”    Isaiah 4:6 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-06-03T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/03/weather-warnings.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Prayer","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/01/from-beast-to-beauty.html", "title": "From Beast to Beauty", "content_html": "

\"Luna “The glorious Luna Moth!”

\n

It takes about ten days for the egg of the luna moth to hatch into a tiny caterpillar and another five to six weeks for that caterpillar to go through multiple instars (stages of growth) to reach its full size…2.5” long by 3/4” diameter. That’s a big green worm! Once it reaches its full size, it spins a cocoon and usually about two weeks later, the moth emerges, wings shriveled and damp. Over the course of several hours, fluid is pumped into the wings, they dry, and voila…one of the largest silk moths of North America emerges to grace us with its presence.

\n

Normally, the luna moth has a wingspan of about 4.5” but they can be as large as 7” across. This fellow is a male. His wings angle backwards somewhat and his abdomen is smaller because he isn’t carrying the 200-400 eggs the female has. They fly in the evening and at night in late spring and early summer. They don’t particularly like when the temperature dips into the 50’s. They’ll be somewhat paralyzed until it warms up.

\n

I love when I catch sight of one of these beautiful moths. You don’t see them quite as often as you used to because a type of predatory fly was introduced to control the invasive gypsy moths and they’ve damaged several species of moths, including the glorious luna.

\n

Mr. FixIt called me into the kitchen last night so I could see this fellow. I ran outside with my phone so I could take pictures while the light was still good. As I was coming back inside, I found the remains of a luna who wasn’t so lucky…wings scattered here and there, coated with drops of dew. Nature. It’s a rough world out there.

\n

\"Luna “The remnants of an unfortunate demise.”

\n

When I came out to the camper to write afterwards, I watched a video on Facebook. The premise was two former classmates run into each other in the parking lot of the grocery store. They chat and it becomes apparent one is wealthy and the other is not. The one who was not tells the other about her son getting a job after graduation and that he is thriving and so happy. The other kind of turns her nose up a bit and brags about HER son who is going to Stanford. And, as a matter of fact, he was on his way to pick her up….wasn’t that sweet? The poorer mother smiled and nodded and congratulated the other mom on her son’s great achievements. But you could see when wealthy mom left, the working boy’s mom looked a little let down.

\n

I am ashamed to say, I can relate to that…however fleetingly. This is the time of year when news of graduations fill the pages of social media with our darlings’ academic accomplishments. It’s beautiful and I don’t begrudge them their joy. Not one bit. We were thrilled when Daughter #1 got her Associates Degree, majoring in drama. We told her that, and $3.50 would buy her a cup of coffee and she should go on and at least get her Bachelors Degree. But no…she and her fiancé had other plans and married a month or two after graduation.

\n

At some point along the way, she realized perhaps her parents had been right and she had an excellent opportunity to go back to school at which time she became a Special Ed teacher. Again, we were so proud. Then, somewhere down the road, she went back and got her Masters. She’s still married to her college sweetheart and coming up on their 24th anniversary.

\n

Daughter #2 is brilliant…maybe more so than her sister as far as IQ goes. But she has always danced to her own music, struggled over eight years getting her Bachelors but never gave up, and now works in management in the food service industry…the love for which she received from her beloved stepfather…Mr. Virgo.

\n

In the movie I watched earlier, the Stanford son berated his mother for keeping him from his friends and let her know she was distinctly cramping his style while the poor son brings his mama flowers and tells her how much he loves and appreciates her for everything she does for him. A dramatization, for sure. But there is much truth there, unfortunately.

\n

A while back, a friend from long ago posted photos of her daughter getting her doctorate. They flew to Australia to visit her where she was doing research. Her two younger daughters were married, one after the other. Beautiful. Successful. This girl and Daughter #2 had play dates together when they were babies. I had a moment of full on green envy.

\n

For only a moment. Because, in that moment, Daughter #2 called me on the phone. I sat back and listened to her go on and on about the upcoming wedding and how her dress is just so perfect and makes her look like a million bucks. We chatted about how the bouquets are being made with origami flowers from comic book pages. And she found a real Viking drinking horn at a pawn shop and that’s what they’re going to toast with! Wow! And under her dress? Tie dyed Vans…of course!

\n

As I listened to her happy voice, my mind drifted back over the many phone calls when she struggled and suffered through depression and anxiety. Really struggled. And I realized…rich, poor, Stanford, Community College, PhD, shift lead in a restaurant…none of that matters. She’s happy. There is light and life in her voice. My eyes filled with tears…from shame that I was even momentarily envious…and from sincere joy and relief that my baby didn’t end up a statistic like so many others have. 

\n

I still have her here…in all her quirky, wonderful weirdness. As we prepared to hang up, she gave me that sweetest gift every mama craves.

\n

“I love you, mama…all over your face!”

\n

“I love you too, Moon Pie.”

\n

She made it…just like the caterpillar to the glorious Luna.

\n

❤️

\n
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”    Psalm 37:4 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-06-01T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/01/from-beast-to-beauty.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/31/keep-moving-forwardalways.html", "title": "Keep Moving Forward...Always", "content_html": "

\"Wedding “I’ve finished the wedding quilt!”

\n

I have over 28,000 emails on my iPhone. This makes my daughter crazy. She says, “What if you missed something???” I say, “Yeah, there’s always a chance of that. But, what if I stayed on my phone for 8 hours a day reading, answering, or deleting every e-mail that came through? I wouldn’t get anything else done.”

\n

I have been known to miss an occasional message, but for the most part, when I scan through, I see the important stuff. A couple of weeks ago, I saw something intriguing come through. Someone was searching for quotes about if or how and why blogging through grief has helped me cope. I wrote back and didn’t think much more about it.

\n

It was a rainy, cool day yesterday. I cuddled up in my little camper and stitched the binding on my daughter’s wedding quilt and listened to the rain hit the roof. Occasionally, I caught a glimpse of something brown running by and under my camper. It was two large rabbits. They chased each other all afternoon and made me smile. They made me think of Watership Down. One stopped beneath my window in plain sight. I whispered, “Be careful of the hrududus, bunny!”

\n

Sometimes I feel like I run out of things to say here. I think maybe you’ve heard every story I ever knew. Sometimes I think I begin to sound like your slightly dotty Aunt Felicity who tells you everything she ate today. I know that’s an exaggeration, but still…I wonder if I’m wearing out my welcome. When I stitch or knit or mow or drive, I have conversations with God and I ask him to tell me when I’m done. And, every…single…time, He sends me someone to tell me, “No, dear one. Not yet. Someone tomorrow needs your stories.”

\n

As I stitched on my daughter’s wedding quilt, I watched old black & white reruns of the Andy Griffith Show. Up popped a message from a reader I haven’t heard from in four and a half years. In those years she had lost a husband. Had gained a love. And nearly lost him to a silent heart attack. My posts that they’ve been reading together helped them to see how life can change in an instant. They are working together to create a new life, new adventures, in a new direction. They asked me to please keep doing what I’m doing. It made me cry. God knows our hearts. He hears our pleas. And he sends us answers if we’ll just slow down and listen and pay attention.

\n

After reading that, another message popped up. It was from the woman who wrote to me two weeks ago seeking that quote and the article was published yesterday. I read down through the stories of all the people she had quoted and realized two of them I am connected with on Twitter. I’ll connect with the others now.

\n

Grief is a solitary business yet it thrusts us into a community of others going through similar experiences. The biggest point I made in my story for the article was this…you are not alone. No matter how hard grief is. No matter how isolating it is. No matter how crazy and lonely and forgetful it makes you…you are never truly alone. For me…I have Jesus and my family and you guys.

\n

I’m not about to quit on that.

\n

You can read the collection of stories here: https://www.aklander.co.uk/news/why-blogging-can-help-with-grief

\n

❤️

\n
“For that reason, I don’t run just for exercise or box like one throwing aimless punches, but I train like a champion athlete. I subdue my body and get it under my control, so that after preaching the good news to others I myself won’t be disqualified.”\n

1 Corinthians 9:26-27 TPT

\n", "date_published": "2019-05-31T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/31/keep-moving-forwardalways.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/30/severe-weather.html", "title": "Severe Weather", "content_html": "

\"Weather\" “Severe weather, volunteer pumpkins, a more mowing…another day on the Ponderosa.”

\n

As with most of you, I browsed the news yesterday morning and saw the destruction from the many severe storms throughout the Midwest. I know people there…I was praying for them all. I knew we were supposed to get some rain yesterday, but I didn’t know how severe the storm was going to be.

\n

I went to Schoolhouse Quilts around lunchtime to pick up my daughter’s wedding quilt. I need to sew the binding and then it will be finished. I was finishing my coffee while I visited with Carolyn, the owner. My phone rang. It was Mr. FixIt telling me to look at the radar…we were about to get hit hard.

\n

I wrapped it up quickly, paid for the quilting, and ran to the truck just as the rain started. We live in a really small town. A grocery store, a Dollar General, the quilt shop, a pizza place, a gas station, the thrift store, and a couple of churches. That’s about it. It didn’t take long to drive to “the other side of town”. 

\n

I was about to the Piggly Wiggly when the lightning started striking all around me. I could see it hitting the hillside in front of me. I saw the flashes out of my peripheral vision…on both sides. I quickly turned into the parking lot, but it was raining too hard and the lightening was coming hard and fast. I couldn’t even pull up close to the store. I think some other people had the same idea.

\n

I pulled my phone out and opened the Weather Channel app. It has a very reliable radar. When I saw it, I understood what a “Severe Thunderstorm Warning” looked like while it was happening. The notice at the top of the screen said “Lightning detected 0 miles north of you.” Yeah…no kidding!

\n

I sent the screen shot to Mr. FixIt and told him where I was and I was going to sit this one out. Then I thought of the leaky basement and really wanted to get home. I closed my eyes and prayed hard. I told Jesus I knew he had calmed the seas when the storm was raging and I trust that He gives us that same power. I told the storm, in Jesus’ name, to break away and part the sky so I could get home safely.

\n

Less that one minute later…the clouds parted. And even though the radar still showed lightning activity…there was nothing near me. I was home in less than two minutes. These are the things that amaze me. Not because I doubt they can be done. They can. I see it all the time. But it amazes me that I would never have done something like that just a few years ago. I was the scientist. The skeptic. The unbeliever.

\n

Coincidence? Maybe. But I’m telling you what I saw immediately after I prayed for it. It doesn’t make me special or important or better than anyone else. It just makes me believe more. The storms eventually moved out by afternoon. Mr. FixIt came home and I mowed the big field while he ran the weed eater and the push mower. We are due for more storms today so I am planning on sitting and working on my daughter’s quilt.

\n

As I was out mowing around the burn pile, I noticed a large amount of green growth. I looked closer and there was a volunteer pumpkin vine growing from the ashes. I smiled. We burned that brush pile the week before our wedding. When the wedding was over, we used the pumpkins for Halloween decorations. Then, after the first freeze and they got soggy, Mr. FixIt threw them on the brush pile. That’s what I love about WV. You can throw a seed out there and it can grow all on its own. 

\n

Same with love. 

\n

❤️

\n
““Teacher,” said John, “we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us.” “Do not stop him,” Jesus said. “For no one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me, for whoever is not against us is for us.”    Mark 9:38-40 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-05-30T01:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/30/severe-weather.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","West Virginia","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/28/praying-for-others.html", "title": "Praying for Others", "content_html": "

\"Praying “Praying for others is the key to freedom.”

\n

As time passes, my daughter’s wedding is looming in the forefront of my mind. What to wear? Well, I’ve bought three dresses…so far. It depends what suits me that day, I think. The event seems to be fast and loose so I’m not terribly worried about that part. 

\n

As I headed into this, the idea of being the mother of the bride…for the last time really…filled me with delicious anticipation mixed with bits of trepidation. Her father and I have mended a lot of fences over the years and I am so proud of the way we can demonstrate good behaviors for our kids and grandkids. Long gone are the angry jabs at each other over a love gone awry.

\n

I overcame the majority of the pain, anger, and resentment through fervent prayer and good therapy. Prayer was my tool. I prayed my family would be healed. I prayed the father of my child would find joy and happiness with the woman he chose. The more I prayed for HIM, the happier I became.

\n

That being said, the enemy loves to sneak in and tell me lies. He loves to remind me I’ve gained a few pounds and my ex-husband will notice. He loves to make me second guess myself and be self conscious of my body and my dress choice. He loves to whisper in my ear and tell me if I would have been a better wife, that great big estate my ex owns could have been mine.

\n

Lies. They are all lies. I could have been the best wife in the history of the universe and the marriage could have still fallen apart. I’m not taking 100% of that one. I’ll comfortably accept my 50%. If I even consider my weight as being something my ex would judge me for, I’m setting myself up for failure and disappointment. 

\n

Here’s the thing…if we look for something, we WILL find it. If I look for judgement, I’ll feel judged. If I look for criticism, I’ll feel criticized…even if it’s subconsciously. And, as soon as I feel those things, I’ll react defensively. That whole scenario is a totally no win situation. Nothing good can come from that.

\n

Recently I read about a technique for recognizing the cycle of anxiety and stopping it in its tracks. The premise is, as soon as you feel the very first sensations of anxiety…even if it’s just the thought of feeling anxious…you pull back and become the observer. Recognize what is happening and say to yourself…”Hmmmm, that’s interesting. I’m having a feeling that stemmed from a thought. It is just a thought.” Then, you picture surrounding that thought in a bubble, reach out, and poke it with your finger.

\n

Poof!

\n

When you can recognize what anxiety really is, it’s much easier to step back, give it a poke, and send it on it’s way. It has been working quite well in the last few months. One would think, at the ripe age of 66 (in about three weeks), I’d have gotten a handle on anxiety long before now. Sometimes it’s the fear of having an anxiety attack that brings it on. It’s crazy…but it’s quite real.

\n

This wedding isn’t about me. His house isn’t about me. My weight isn’t even completely about me in that it was caused by taking steroids twice this year. I’m the only me I have. I am the only mom my kids have. The only Nana for my grands. I am my husband’s queen. He will think I am scrumptious no matter what I’m wearing or where I sit. 

\n

This is such a relief…to let go of fear. The fear of rejection. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of doing or saying something wrong. 

\n

I am enough. I have always been enough.

\n

 Dang…I love my sixties!

\n

❤️

\n
“But the moment one turns to the Lord with an open heart, the veil is lifted and they see. Now, the “Lord” I’m referring to is the Holy Spirit, and wherever he is Lord, there is freedom.”\n

2 Corinthians 3:16-17 TPT

\n", "date_published": "2019-05-28T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/28/praying-for-others.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Marriage","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/27/memorial-day.html", "title": "Memorial Day 2019", "content_html": "

\"George “He was a soldier. He was a son.”

\n

They called him Sonny. He was their bright ray of sunshine. Smart, sensitive, talented, destined to go far. When Grandma and Pop-Pop got the telegram that their Sonny was gone, part of them died in that moment as well. People said they were never the same. I wouldn’t know what they were like before. I was not yet two when Sonny’s plane went down.

\n

Sometimes I think I remember him. But then I realize it’s his pictures and the loving stories told about him that made my Uncle Sonny alive for me. I was told he loved me. He told my mom he wanted a picture of me on a bearskin rug in my “all-together”…in other words, a chubby baby with a hundred fat rolls, buns up on a blanket. This was back in the days when something like that could be done without thinking the person admiring the photo is a pedophile.

\n

Mom complied and I was told he kept that photo in the cockpit of the plane. But, mom told me a lot of things that turned out to be untrue. For instance, she said he was shot down by Russians. In 1955. Over Landstuhl Air Base in Germany. She said grandma was comforted when she received his personal effects and his wallet didn’t smell like smoke. She was comforted that her boy didn’t burn.

\n

Many years later, when the internet was new and I was helping my mom with her beloved genealogy, I started digging into the crash that took Uncle Sonny’s life. I think the only thing I had to work with at the time was a dial up modem and CompuServe. After meticulously searching, I came up with an aviation archaeologist. He specialized in finding reports on old plane crashes. I believe I paid him $40 and a few weeks later, I received a thick packet in the mail. 

\n

The archaeologist came up with the official Air Force report of the crash and in the process of reading it and asking questions, I got a lot of answers. First, he definitely was not shot down by the Russians. Secondly, pilots do not fly with personal effects, meaning…neither his wallet nor my picture accompanied him in the cockpit that fateful day. That was information I didn’t share with the rest of the family. I don’t remember if my Grandma was still living at this time or not. There’s just some things you don’t need to discuss after some sense of resolution has been met.

\n

There was information that I found disturbing. Sonny needed to log some flight hours. The only plane available that day was an old fighter jet that was on it’s way to become a static display. In other words, it was past its usefulness. In the three days leading up to the crash, four separate engines had been installed. 

\n

The morning of the crash dawned gray and foggy. Uncle Sonny went through the usual preflight check. The ground crew walked around the plane and somehow, someone failed to notice the intake baffles were in the wrong position for the weather conditions. When he took off, he flew around the base a couple of times without incident. Then someone noticed a shift in the engine sound and looked up. The plane had slowed down considerably and was losing altitude.

\n

No one can know for certain what went on in the cockpit that day. The witness on the ground said he couldn’t understand why my uncle didn’t eject and let the plane go down. It wasn’t until the full investigation that it was determined the trajectory of the plane would have sent it into the barracks where countless airmen would still be preparing for their day. Instead, Uncle Sonny steered the plane toward an open potato field that had recently been plowed. I’m sure, with his farming experience, he knew that would be a fairly soft place to land.

\n

As he struggled to keep the engine going and the plane aloft, he noticed a gap between the trees surrounding the potato field. It was narrow, but if he tipped his right wing at the right moment, he could just squeak through. Unfortunately, the sudden dip in the right wing caused the engine to stall even further and the tip of the wing hit the ground. This caused the plane to cartwheel.

\n

Uncle Sonny was found still strapped in his ejector seat in an upright position…as though he were waiting for someone to come by and have a chat. His helmet was cracked from the impact and he died from blunt force trauma. And, even though his wallet wasn’t with him and neither was my bare butt photo…he didn’t burn. It was over quickly.

\n

In my opinion, my Uncle Sonny was a hero. I’m sure he saved countless lives that day. But there was no award, no medal, no call from a grateful President. Maybe that was best. Grandma was not one for making a fuss. “Fools names, like their faces, always seen in public places.” She was a private, unassuming woman with great dignity.

\n

Sonny was laid to rest on a hilltop cemetery fifteen or so miles from the farm. One by one, our loved ones joined him. First Pop-Pop, then Grandma, then my mom, then Uncle Bob. I go twice a year to see them and I always hang around him a little longer. I wish I could have known him. I am comforted knowing there was such a beautiful homecoming when the Lord came to take the others to join my Uncle Sonny and Jesus.

\n

This day is so much more than another day off, another reason for a party. This is the day when we honor the fallen…all who gave their lives in the line of duty. Not just military. We remember all who have gone before us and we decorate their graves. Thank you…for giving your all. My heart is with those who had to go on without you.

\n

❤️

\n
“For the greatest love of all is a love that sacrifices all. And this great love is demonstrated when a person sacrifices his life for his friends.”\n

John 15:13 TPT

\n", "date_published": "2019-05-27T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/27/memorial-day.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Grace","God","Fear","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/26/smoke.html", "title": "Smoke", "content_html": "

\"Smoke\" “Life has a certain synchronicity. It swirls round and round like wisps of smoke.”

\n

Mail delivery is different when you live on a rural route. When you drive out any two lane blacktop, there are dirt roads that go off up into hollers. There may be a dozen or more houses up there, but it wouldn’t be feasible to send a mail carrier up every little dirt track. So, you often see a whole row of mailboxes on the corner and everyone has to pick up their own mail. Our mailbox is across the two lane from the Ponderosa so we either walk up or stop on our way out when we go somewhere.

\n

When I first moved in with Mr. FixIt, I seldom got any mail here. I have a post office box that I use for my business so it was just easier for me to get all my mail there. Because the majority of the mail was his, I never really saw it unless I picked it up. Mr. FixIt was throwing away junk mail one day and casually remarked, for some reason he had received coupons for cigarettes. He couldn’t figure out how in the world he ever got on their mailing list.

\n

We went into town yesterday to decorate graves on Mr. FixIt’s side of the family. We stopped to get the mail and there was another cigarette advertisement. He handed me the mail and said, “See? We got it again!” I sat there, holding the mail in my hands. For a moment, my heart skipped a beat and I could barely breathe.

\n

“Is this the brand you got before?” I asked.

\n

“Yes. It’s always the same.”

\n

I ran my fingers over the familiar green box and smiled. Kools.

\n

“You know…this is Mr. Virgo’s brand.”

\n

“Whoa. That’s weird.”

\n

“No…not weird. It’s just a message. A sort of hello from beyond.”

\n

I don’t know how things work on the other side exactly. I know there is heaven. And I know the Bible says there is a veil between the worlds and those in heaven cannot see or connect with their loved ones on earth. I also know God loves us and wants to comfort our hearts when we lose loved ones so He sends us things that strike a chord with us. In my case…bluebirds. A particular song that’s out of place. Flickering lights. And, an ad. Of all the cigarette brands that are out there, the one that came was Mr. Virgo’s. It’s not even what I would consider a top brand. Why that one? On Memorial Day weekend?

\n

I reached over and took my husband’s hand. I smiled and looked out the window at the passing scenery. I marveled at this lovely life and all its synchronicity…curling round and round like wisps of smoke.

\n

“Hello, Mr. Virgo” I said softly. “Thanks for coming to see us.”

\n

❤️

\n
“Now they know that everything that you have given me is from you.”\n

John 17:7 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-05-26T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/26/smoke.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/23/wascally-wabbits.html", "title": "Wascally Wabbits!", "content_html": "

\"Man “Mr. FixIt…working in the garden.”

\n

Mr. FixIt came to me the other morning with a dejected sigh.

\n

“Something ate the beans.”

\n

Again? Hmpffff! Don’t they know that little piece of ground is OURS??? They have five acres. I just want this little patch. Yeah…not likely. We used the rabbit deterrent faithfully…until, we didn’t. All it took was one little rain and one lapse of memory and…poof! No more beans. I think it is the rabbits. But it could be that little chipmunk. Or deer. Or…whatever. The point is…unless you put some sort of protective fencing or netting or both around your garden, you cannot expect to provide a salad bar without getting dinner guests.

\n

That’s ok. We still have the tomatoes. Plenty of tomatoes!!! We had twelve tomato plants and one mysteriously disappeared. No footprints. No trace…just gone. So, we are left with eleven tomato plants and a couple dozen onions. We’re good.

\n

I went to the farm yesterday to get the shades from the big camper. For those of you who have been around for the long haul, you will remember the first thing I did when I bought that camper was take those hideous window coverings off. If I’m going to sell the camper, I need to put them back. While I was there, I did the last load of laundry and gathered some camping items I will need in a couple of weeks when we go to Blackwater Falls with the Girl Campers. That’s one thing I like about Girl Campers…you can bring your hubby if you like. We just ask that they do something on their own while we’re there so we can have our girl time. Mr. FixIt is taking his golf clubs.

\n

I’m taking the ice cream freezer. There is something so special about homemade ice cream when you’re camping. I also brought the screen house. The mosquitoes will be making an appearance before long and some people are more susceptible to bites than others. I want to make sure everyone is comfortable and has a place to sit out of the rain if need be.

\n

When I got home, Mr. FixIt had a table saw on the back of the truck that needed to be unloaded. It was way too heavy to pick up but we used our brains over our brawn and tipped it onto a dolly and down the ramps into the garage. Perfect! Just as we were done, the former Mrs. FixIt came over to pick up a tent to go camping. I really like her and we sat for four hours visiting. Then my bonus granddaughter and the baby came over with ice cream. It was such a beautiful day!

\n

I love that we can demonstrate for the younger generations that the family relationship doesn’t have to end with divorce. We just open our hearts more and let in love and healing. 

\n

❤️

\n
“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”    Psalm 133:1 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-05-23T01:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/23/wascally-wabbits.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/15/a-quiet-place.html", "title": "A Quiet Place", "content_html": "

\"A “Living in a quiet place fills me with peace and gratitude.”

\n

Mr. FixIt had to go help his friend move some things in town yesterday so I hung out at home and “pretend camped”. I piddled around in the camper most of the day. I cleaned up and put things away. I swept and washed the floors and emptied the trash. I wiped things down and stripped the bed. While I was taking off the comforter, I noticed it was damp up by the front wall towards the driver’s side. A leak! 

\n

It didn’t leak when I was parked at the campground and we had some pretty heavy rain. This leak came when I was driving through torrential rain on Monday so it has to be either around the window or something at the edge. I happily discovered the bed raises up with pneumatic lifters so I could get under there and have a good look. There were no wet places on the flooring under the bed or in any of the compartments. So I’ll have to look some more.

\n

While I was in under the bed, I got a good look at the water system. Mr. FixIt helped me and we could not figure out why the pump won’t build up pressure and shut off. Again…more investigation is needed. In the meantime, if I can flush the commode and wash my hands and the dishes, I’m not too concerned about the rest of it. Just about every place I plan to camp will have electric and if it’s cold, I have either the electric blanket or the little space heater to keep me warm. 

\n

When Mr. FixIt got home, he staked up the tomatoes. Something happened to one of the plants. It’s just gone. The rest look good though. And the beans are coming up much better than last year. I still have a bunch of food in the refrigerator in the camper so I fixed us some supper and we sat at the dinette and ate. That made me smile.

\n

After supper, we went for a quick walk down the road. There’s been some activity on the property next door so we moseyed over to see what’s going on. They are clearing the lot so maybe we’re getting neighbors. We don’t have neighbors within sight of the house so this is something very new for Mr. FixIt. He’s lived here over 40 years.

\n

When we were walking back down the road, holding hands, I looked out over our field and smiled. All of my life I’ve wanted to live on five acres. And here we are! I looked around and thought of all the things I would have liked to have on these five acres over the years. A barn with maybe some animals…a cow for milk and butter, some chickens, maybe a couple of goats or sheep. A big garden. Some fruit trees. I sure would have done more with this than five acres of lawn to mow. And now? 

\n

I never say it’s too late to do something. But my priorities have changed. We like to travel and we’re going to be too old before too long to maintain that level of farming. No…we’re looking at simplifying now. But it’s nice to dream about what we might have done, had we been together when we were younger.

\n

This is our little slice of heaven, and so is the farm. When we got back from our walk, I jumped on the riding mower and mowed till it was almost too dark to see. I watched Mr. FixIt with the push mower in the fenced yard. I watched how the mower took the curves of the field and turned them into the swirly rows of a contemporary quilt. I watch the old yellow cat sitting at the edge of the field, eyeing me to see if I was going to sacrifice another turtle for him. Thankfully, I did not. I noticed the petals of the poplar blooms fallen as I mowed over them. I watched the robins swoop in to get the bugs the mower stirred up. I took a deep breath of new mown grass. And…I smiled. 

\n

❤️

\n
“He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.”    Psalm 18:19 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-05-15T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/15/a-quiet-place.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Humbled","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/08/too-close-to-home.html", "title": "Too Close to Home", "content_html": "

\"School “How many more children have to die before something is done about this?”

\n

Another school shooting. Seven miles from Columbine. They recently observed the 20th anniversary of the school shooting that seemed to change everything. Copycat killers, looking for moments of notoriety, sprung up everywhere, it seems.

\n

What is causing all this? I have my theories. Personally, I think things started taking a giant slide down a slippery slope when Dr. Spock said don’t spank your kids. I’m not for violence by any means, but my kids got a proper swat on their butts when they were out of line. And they are great adults. 

\n

Kids aren’t given outlets for their anger anymore. I was talking with my son-in-law’s mom last night. Her mother was discussing this with her contemporaries in the assisted living center at supper. She said, in her day and age, there were bullies, and kids got in scraps, but you had a row and got it over with. Now, children are handled with kid gloves and they can’t fight back. 

\n

They also get left with video games and the internet as their babysitters. You cannot tell me that violent video games don’t have an impact on children today. How can it not? You can’t sit for hours at a time, shooting and maiming “people” in this realistic scenarios and not be desensitized to the violence. It becomes the norm.

\n

This one hit close to home. While not in my daughter’s district, she teaches at a STEM school and my granddaughter is a student at that same school. (Not the one where the shooting occurred yesterday, thank God.) She used to work with many of the teachers at the school where the shooting occurred. The principal is my daughter’s sister-in-law’s best friend. 

\n

This is getting too close. 

\n

They’re ALL too close!

\n

Something has to be done. Our children go into a war zone every single day. Teachers and school staff, too. This is not the country we were raised in. It’s not the country my children were raised in either. I own guns. But my guns are locked up in a safe. I have a .22 hidden when I am at the farm in case I’m bothered by a two-legged varmint.

\n

I pray. I pray a lot. But, something has to be done. Our children are killing and being killed. Prayers are wonderful…but we need more. I’m not writing this to invite debate. This is not the place for that. There are better places for that…like with our representatives. I’m just crying out as a Nana. A very, very concerned Nana.

\n

As an aside…I arrived at the campground without incident. 

\n

I pray for those families. The ones who got the call. And for the families of the shooters. how horrifying.

\n

???

\n
“For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother's righteous.\n

 

\n

We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.”

\n

 

\n

1 John 3:11-12, 14-15 ESV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-05-08T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/08/too-close-to-home.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","God","Anger","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/04/unbeatable-laughterunbearable-tears.html", "title": "Unbeatable Laughter...Unbearable Tears", "content_html": "

\"Cake “Chocolate cake pops aren’t the most delectable looking things till they get their pretty candy coating.”

\n

The last couple of days were an incredible jumble of extreme emotions. First, we had an intense discussion about the impact of addiction in this area and on our lives. It was deeply personal and what is said in the room, stays in the room. Suffice it to say, I could not wait to get out and call my daughters and thank them for never going down that particular path. As I left messages for them…(who’s kid ever answers the phone these days?)…I broke down in tears. Because…instead of my kids being addicted…it had been me when they were growing up. I hate that I exposed them to opioid and alcohol abuse and the aftermath it caused. But, what the enemy tried to kill, God has used to our good and His glory. 

\n

Later in the evening, Daughter #1 called me back. I adore both of my girls and they couldn’t be more different. My firstborn has always been the strong, dependable kid who turned into a wonderful woman and an excellent mother, but she’s not a terribly demonstrative person. She is a little crusty on the outside but soft in the center but she’d rather chew off her arm than show it. When I answered the phone, I could hear that slightly vulnerable tenderness in her voice that I so seldom get to hear and my heart melted.

\n

She went on to regale me with a story about her evening. It seems HER firstborn informed her earlier in the week that she needed cake pops for a going away party for one of her friends. She needed them yesterday. And…she wanted them shaped like pineapples for some reason. Now, Daughter #1 is highly creative, and an incredible teacher, but she was not particularly crafty or interested in baking when she was young. It’s amazing what we do for our kids, isn’t it? 

\n

She looked up how to make cake pops on YouTube and Pinterest. She e-mailed her principal who makes cake pops for stress relief. She found out that…surprise, surprise…cake pops are not baked in molds with sticks in them and then dipped in frosting. Actually, you bake the cake, let it cool, crumble it up very fine, then mix in a little bit of frosting. Just enough to work it together into a ball but not enough to get it wet. I had no idea!

\n

Since my granddaughter asked for chocolate, my daughter baked two layers of chocolate cake. Then she used a small ice cream scoop to make balls of the dough and rolled them into a slightly oblong egg shape to represent little pineapples. Then she stuck sticks in them that had been dipped in the melted candy coating so they would stick. At this point, it struck her what her little creations actually LOOKED like and she had to send me pictures. We laughed til we cried. It was so delightful. I was so proud of her…for everything. Being a good kid and a great mom. For having a sense of humor. For loving me so much, even though I make her crazy half the time and she can’t let me know either way.

\n

Then, yesterday, one of my mom’s cousins texted to tell me another cousin in Illinois passed away on Sunday. That made me sad because I just loved Betty Mae. When she and her family came to West Virginia to visit my grandma, it was an EVENT, I’m telling you. I sent a potted plant with a note and then called my aunt and uncle to make sure they knew.

\n

Remember I told you I made the difficult decision to not go to my niece’s graduation in Indiana? Well, I found out the graduation is outside today…in the rain…in Indiana…in tornado season. They’re giving them ponchos to wear. Oy! That’s not why God prompted me to cancel, though. Mr. FixIt was driving home yesterday and he got the strongest urge to call his best friend. When he did, his friend was crying because his wife had just passed away. His friend is going to need him here and I am so grateful I listened to the whispers of the Holy Spirit telling me not to go!

\n

The camper is almost ready for my big camping trip next week. I installed a new smoke detector yesterday, packed some things in the overhead cabinets over the dinette, added deodorizer to the tanks, and swept the floors. There were a couple of very small holes on the wall where I removed some curtain hardware so I filled them with a little caulking. I tried putting the quilts that I wanted to use on the bed but they are too small for the queen bed. That’s ok…I’ll use the all white quilt I used in big TOW-Wanda and just fold the extra quilts at the bottom of the bed for decoration. The only thing left to do is wash the floors and windows, lay down the rugs, take out the trash, and finish packing. It’s supposed to storm all day today, so I can get in there and play…and maybe we’ll camp in the driveway tonight! 

\n

❤️

\n
“So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.”    Ecclesiastes 8:15 NIV\n

“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.””    Revelation 21:4 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-05-04T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/04/unbeatable-laughterunbearable-tears.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/01/uncle.html", "title": "Uncle!", "content_html": "

\"Bedding\" “When you’re tired and overwhelmed, it’s ok to say Uncle!”

\n

Every day since we got home from the beach has been packed full. Long hours of mowing thick, wet grass. Unpacking. Cleaning. Finally, we had to split the chores yesterday and Mr. FixIt went to the farm to mow while I worked on de-winterizing the camper. First, I filled the freshwater tank and added a little bleach to sanitize it. Then I went in and turned on the pump. It’s supposed to run a little bit, build up pressure, then shut itself off. It didn’t. As I stood in front of the kitchen sink, listening as a pitiful stream of water came from the faucet, I could hear water splashing outside. 

\n

I went out and around the camper and there was water coming out of the water heater compartment. I opened it up and saw the plug was an old type and it was rusted through. Not a good sign. I was told the camper had been fully inspected two years ago and everything worked fine. And, while I should have taken the camper to someone to have it inspected again, I trusted mine and Mr. FixIt’s camper knowledge. Besides, it was very difficult to really get in and have a look at the inner workings in the driveway where it was parked. I don’t think the previous owner was trying to scam me. I just don’t think she used the service systems because she only took it out three or four times to sleep over at horse shows.

\n

I knew there was nothing I could do without getting a new plug. I towed the camper to an RV service center and the guy was kind enough to stop what he was doing and put a plug in. Then he proceeded to have a look around the camper and started telling me all the things that were wrong with it and made me feel generally inept and stupid. One thing he pointed out, which I hadn’t noticed was…the tires were seven years old. Even if the tread looks good and there’s no evidence of dry rot, you really shouldn’t run a trailer on tires over five years old. 

\n

My next stop was a local tire shop owned by a woman. I’ve talked with her before and I’m so impressed that she built this business from scratch. I got four trailer tires for $65 each, mounted and balanced. Then I drove to a rest area with a dump station to empty and clean the waste tanks. A camper has two waste tanks on it…”grey water” from the sinks and shower and “black water” from the toilet. That wasn’t much of a chore as they had been emptied previously. They just needed a good flushing.

\n

Once I was finished with the tanks, I tried turning the pump on and it still wouldn’t build up pressure and shut off. That means the system isn’t sealed and there’s a leak somewhere. I didn’t see water anywhere and there was nothing dripping. By this point, I was tired, hungry, and pretty darned frustrated. I kept telling myself I’d bought a piece of junk camper and I was pretty low by the time I got home.

\n

Mr. FixIt called. I poured out all my fears and frustrations and he asked me to tell him one thing at a time. He said they were all fairly small things and relatively easy to fix. At the most, I may need a new hot water heater, a water pump, and new propane regulator. He said I didn’t buy a piece of junk, but it is twelve years old. There are bound to be some things that will need fixing.

\n

I got home and walked in the door. There is still a toilet, a sink, and half a shower stall in my living room. I suddenly felt defeated and sat down to think it through. When I made arrangements to attend my niece’s graduation in Indiana, I didn’t realized how tight I had planned these three trips. Four days between the first and second trip and only one day between the second and third. It took us three full days just to mow both properties. How was I possibly going to pull this off?

\n

I prayed about it for a while and talked with Mr. FixIt again and two of my trusted friends and they all said…set some priorities…get some rest…it’s ok to say no. I hated the idea of cancelling the Indiana trip. I hate missing my niece’s graduation and getting to see her family. And, I hate disappointing anyone. But, you know what? I’m not thirty-five anymore. I’m not fifty-five anymore. I’m nearly sixty-six and while, in many ways that is still young, I have to admit to myself I can’t do it all. I get tired easier. I get overwhelmed easier. I’ve noticed this since losing Mr. Virgo. 

\n

So, I wrote a long note and sent it to my niece and her mom. I explained why we couldn’t come and while they will miss us, they understand. I immediately felt a weight lift off my shoulders and I cried with relief. It’s ok to cry “Uncle!” I turned on the air conditioning, crawled under a blanket, and rested…for the first time in weeks, it seems. 

\n

❤️

\n
““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.””    Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-05-01T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/01/uncle.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/29/the-weight-of-the-world.html", "title": "The Weight of the World", "content_html": "

\"Statue\" “Sometimes things seem too heavy. That’s when I need to stop and read my devotionals.”

\n

Don’t you sometimes feel like you’re carrying a whole lot of weight on your shoulders? One should come home from vacation feeling refreshed and relaxed. While we had a fabulous vacation and I enjoyed every single minute of it, I always come home with a mountain of work to do and if I’m not careful, I’ll forget the joy of the vacation altogether. 

\n

When we got home Saturday night, it was raining but we emptied the truck as best we could. This left containers laying around to be emptied. Before we could put anything away, we had to clean the kitchen counters from spraying for ants last week. Then all the stuff that had been moved to the island to get moved back to the counter. THEN the kitchen stuff could be put away. This after driving twelve hours…the majority of which was done by my sweet husband.

\n

We were up early and out the door for church with the grandkids then our usual breakfast. We had errands to run before we finally got back home. Mr. FixIt had the rest of the truck to empty while I cleaned the kitchen and put away more stuff. Then he got out the push mower and weed eater and I hopped on the riding mower. Three hours later, we gave up because it was cold and we were hungry.

\n

We have really felt our age this last year, it seems. Aches and pains that never slowed us down are starting to get in the way. We can’t work sunup to sundown like we once did and that is frustrating. Made more so by the post-vacation blues. The next couple of weeks are going to be super busy. We need to finish the mowing at the Ponderosa then we have to go mow at the farm, I have an MRI on my foot today to see what the problem is that’s causing pain, then I have to de-winterize and prepare the new camper for her maiden voyage. 

\n

We leave Thursday for Indiana to see my niece graduate from college. We get back on Sunday, I’ll have one day to clean up the camper, restock, and do laundry before I turn around and take her up north for a week with the Girl Campers. Then I’ll have some down time. Knitting and napping and sitting around the campfire will be the order of the day. Until then, every day is jam-packed with busy. It is during times like this I have to actually set an an alarm and force myself to sit down and do my bible study. Those are the moments that carry me through the rest of it.

\n

❤️

\n
“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.”   \n

Mark 1:35 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-29T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/29/the-weight-of-the-world.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","Humbled","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/18/the-beloved-eastern-redbud.html", "title": "The Beloved Eastern Redbud", "content_html": "

\"Redbud\" “I couldn’t get a good photo driving today, so I found this one through Google. This is what the redbud trees look like with the fresh, spring green of new growth. Stunning!”

\n

I think I would be hard-pressed to choose just one singular thing that I love the most about West Virginia. There are so many things to choose from…my grandparents’ farm, the lush green woods, the beautiful Ohio River, the sounds of peepers and the numerous birds including whip-poor-wills and owls and mockingbirds. They are all so incredibly beautiful. But, if I had to choose just one thing, it would be the redbud trees in the spring. 

\n

These purply-pink flowering trees burst forth in early April bringing breathtaking views around every bend. They tend to stick close to roadways and the stunning shock of pink against the bright spring green of the new growth makes me catch my breath and utter oohs and aahs like watching the Fourth of July Fireworks. They are at their peak this week and I am sure we will have quite the show on our drive south on Friday.

\n

We are both SO looking forward to getting away. We finished the first big mow of the season yesterday and we are so sore we can hardly move. By having the far field brush hogged, our mowed acreage has increased to six acres at the Ponderosa. For those who don’t know, a brush hog is a powerful mower you pull behind a tractor. It cuts down grass much like cutting hay and if you want to return the field to regular mowing, you have to keep after it. However, it isn’t easy mowing. The ground in uneven and choppy and you about lose the fillings in your teeth when you run over it with the riding mower. It will take a while for the grass that grows to look more like a lawn and less like a pasture.

\n

The roughness of mowing, as well as it being our first cutting of the season, has my shoulders, neck and arms screaming. Not even a hot bath could help. Hopefully sleep and NSAIDs will do the trick.

\n

My appointment at the orthopedist went well. He wants to do an MRI of my foot to check for stress fractures. That will be done as soon as we get back from the beach. Today will be spent packing during the day. This evening, I will be reading the Passover Haggadah to my small group from church. I love remembering the Jewish holidays.

\n

❤️

\n
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,”    Colossians 3:23 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-18T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/18/the-beloved-eastern-redbud.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/17/a-good-tired.html", "title": "A Good Tired", "content_html": "

\"Spring “Spring flowers make my heart sing!”

\n

Now that the taxes are done, submitted, and accepted, our attention can turn to other things….mainly, mowing. With the rains we received over the weekend, the grass growth was remarkable and it couldn’t be put off another day. We had a neighbor brush hog the far field last fall when we were preparing for the wedding. That field is really rough and needs to be mowed really regularly or we’ll have to resort to the brush hog again. I got about half the field mowed at the Ponderosa then we had to head for the farm. Mr. FixIt mowed while I hauled dropped limbs and did laundry. It was 7:30 by the time we were done and ready to head back home. 

\n

This is the kind of tired that feels good. When you do a good solid day’s work and you have something to show for it. When your muscles are sore and you’re hungry and you know you’re going to sleep soundly…that’s a good day’s work. We still have much to do to prepare for our trip but once we are there…it’s beach time, baby. I can’t wait to see Ben & Sue…my son-in-law’s parents. They are joining us for the week and it’s going to be SO much fun. They are the dearest people and we can’t wait to show them all around the Outer Banks!

\n

I do have a favor of you. I have an appointment with the orthopedist today for this pain I have in my foot. I think it’s a Morton’s Neuroma and if so, I will likely need a shot in the ball of my foot, which…as you can well imagine…I am not looking forward to. I am preparing myself with lots of prayers and meditation. Please add me to your prayer list that everything goes smoothly, the pain is little to nonexistent, and that whatever they do, it takes care of the pain and I can get back to exercising regularly! Thank you in advance!!!

\n

I’ll let you know how it went!

\n

❤️

\n
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.””\n

Jeremiah 29:11-14 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-17T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/17/a-good-tired.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","The Farm","Growth","Comfort","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/16/evidence-of-healing.html", "title": "Evidence of Healing", "content_html": "

\"Lighthouse\" “A memory from a time long ago and far away…”

\n

I know April is a hectic time of year what with my daughter’s birthday and taxes being due. I was also quite busy this spring writing and editing my book. And, our annual trip to the Outer Banks is this weekend so my mind was preoccupied. As I sat down at the computer yesterday to write my post, I was confronted with one of those Facebook memories complete with scads of photos….of Mr. Virgo’s and my Honeymoon. 

\n

I couldn’t believe it. It was on the 7th and it never once crossed my mind. I remember one year I almost forgot. It was probably four years after his death and I felt so terribly guilty because I nearly went the whole day without thinking about it. This time, it was a whole week PAST the anniversary and I may not have remembered at all if I hadn’t seen the photos. But, I didn’t feel guilty. I actually felt somewhat relieved.

\n

There was a point in my grief when I thought I never would feel even somewhat normal again. I didn’t believe I would ever feel joy or freedom and certainly not romantic love again. Yet, here I am. On the other side. I’ve no doubt I still have my moments. NOT remembering seems monumental in some way.

\n

Not focusing on or remembering an important anniversary doesn’t mean I have forgotten Mr. Virgo…or anything about him. It just means time has passed and I am healing. I’ve moved….forward. I wish I could have had some serious reassurance four or five years ago that so much healing could occur in what is a relatively short time in grief years.

\n

This time fourteen years ago, we were driving up the west coast on Highway 1. I wanted to stand on the beach with my husband. Fourteen years later, I’m packing to leave for a trip to the east coast so that I can stand on the beach with my husband. 

\n

Ironic.

\n

The whole thing makes me smile. It makes my heart soften. It makes me ever so grateful to have known…and to now know…such great love.

\n

❤️

\n
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.”    Song of Songs 1:2 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-16T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/16/evidence-of-healing.html", "tags": ["Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Marriage","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/13/always-be-humble-and-kind.html", "title": "Always be Humble and Kind", "content_html": "

\"Dandelion\" “I love when God sends me a not-so-gentle reminder to chill out!”

\n

As I’m writing this, I’m propped up in bed, the windows flung wide, the peepers peeping their springtime love song. It is 10:30pm…I just finished a long and particularly grueling day sitting in front of my computer, doing my taxes. One frustration after another…but I doggedly pressed on with only a couple of short tempered outbursts. Finally…finally I got it all filled out and pressed “send” only to find out, yet again, my laptop won’t connect to the internet. I mean…it SAYS it’s connected, but I get a page that says “Cannot find page. Check your internet connection.” It works elsewhere, just not here. So, I said enough is enough for one day and I will pick it up tomorrow….today to you.

\n

In preparation for a day that could be stress-filled, I spent an extra long time in scripture before I got out of bed. I read my devotionals. I listened to a little praise music. I put on the full armor of God. And still, after twelve hours in front of the screen, I found my stress level rising. Poor Mr. FixIt steered clear of me most of the day and when he did have to sit with me, he was very loving and supportive. Good man.

\n

When I finally called it quits for the day, I was too tired to even go out to TOW-Wanda to write…something I really look forward to when the weather is warm. I came into the bedroom to write, fully prepared to let loose a diatribe about how darned frustrating it is to spend a whole day on the taxes only to find out you have to pay a BOATLOAD. I climbed into bed, set up my little lap desk, opened my iPad, and God smacked me right between the eyes.

\n

?

\n

There, staring back at me was a picture of a woman squatting down in front of an absolutely emaciated young child…so tiny and frail and nothing but skin and bones. She’s holding a water bottle up to the child’s lips….the little one with her head tipped back, gratefully taking a sip as she clings to a crust of bread in her tiny hand.

\n

I am humbled…ashamed of my anger and frustration that I felt only seconds before.

\n

Look what I have. A roof over my head, food on my table, clean water and air, a warm bed to sleep in, health, family…God. 

\n

Yes, paying a big tax bill was not what I expected. But you know what? Just two weeks ago, God gave me a hefty settlement check for the accident I was in two years ago. I had a brain bleed, but can walk and talk. I lost four months of my memory, but my family didn’t have to lay me in the ground. And that check will cover my taxes and then some. 

\n

There is always something to be grateful for. ALWAYS.

\n

Thank you, God…for your provision. And for the stern reminder of how good I have it. You are a good, good Father.

\n

❤️

\n
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”    Ephesians 4:2 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-13T01:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/13/always-be-humble-and-kind.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Anger","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/12/ommmmmmmmm.html", "title": "Ommmmmmmmm.......", "content_html": "

\"Woman “Trust me…I did NOT look this peaceful and serene this week working on my banking!”

\n

I looked for a photo of someone working on her computer looking so peaceful and serene. Because, that has definitely NOT been me this week! Ok, seriously…I feel like I could reach back in the archives of any of the past six years, pull out a post for the week before taxes are due, and it would be the same darned story. Over and over and over. I wait till the last minute to reconcile my bank account. Yes…in the good old days when I didn’t have grief brain, I balanced it every month…to the penny. Now? Well, lets just say this year was better. I balanced it up till the end of July. The rest I had to download. And…my bank only keeps three months worth of statements in the accessible pipeline. Anything before that and you have to do a manual download which I have discovered may or may not be totally accurate. Not the program’s fault…it’s the operator. 

\n

I am not sure what I did wrong but my guess is I duplicated some entries and I was off by a country mile. In the past, this would have bugged the heck out of me and I would have spent an inordinate amount of time combing through every detail till I found the problem. And, if time wasn’t a factor, maybe I would do that. But it’s not like I’m keeping the national treasury balanced. My main purpose for using Quicken is to run expense reports for taxes. It’s not rocket science. I held my breath and created an audit. I go by my bank balance anyway, so I just balanced it to that and called it good.

\n

This wasn’t accomplished without a fair amount of hair-pulling and choice words because in the middle of things, the internet stopped working at the house. I didn’t have enough time to go back out to the farm and used the excruciatingly slow internet there, so I packed up my laptop and headed for Panera. I got a good salad, sat down, connected to the internet and ran a scan on their wireless to detect anything fishy. It came up clean so I scooted into my account, did the magic, and was back out in less than a minute. Easy peasy.

\n

Next stop was Sam’s club to pick up a copy of this year’s TurboTax. I freaked out a little when I couldn’t find any and was afraid it might be sold out but they had some copies at the service desk. TurboTax has this really neat thing where you can do your taxes online and just pay for the tax program when you’re finished. The thing is, it was about $30 more to do it that way. You have to pay attention…these guys are tricky!

\n

So, the banking is done. Now all we have to do is plug in the numbers and see where we stand. Married filing jointly? Married filing separately? We’ll just have to see how it plays out. I’m just so blessed to have the choice.

\n

❤️

\n
“Tell us then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay the imperial tax to Caesar or not?” But Jesus, knowing their evil intent, said, “You hypocrites, why are you trying to trap me? Show me the coin used for paying the tax.” They brought him a denarius, and he asked them, “Whose image is this? And whose inscription?” “Caesar’s,” they replied. Then he said to them, “So give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.””    Matthew 22:17-21 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-12T01:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/12/ommmmmmmmm.html", "tags": ["Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/11/memory-recall.html", "title": "Memory Recall", "content_html": "

\"Memories\" “Photos of childhood memories can bridge the miles between you and your children.”

\n

Sometimes it’s hard to reach my kids, both literally and figuratively. They have busy lives. Jobs, families, houses…they don’t have a lot of time to visit with their mom. I get that. I was in their shoes. So, instead of whining about it and pulling more than a nominal guilt trip, I have taken to sending them pictures of things I find on Pinterest. Not just any old thing. Things that will stir a memory of their childhoods and make them smile whether they have time to talk or not.

\n

One such photo was this one. It is identical to the kitchen we lived in when she was little and her daddy was in medical school. She remembered the sink, she said. But I know, if she remembered the sink, she thought of all the times I canned our food and baked our bread. She might have thought of the times we set up the tent in the backyard so she could have a sleepover. I’m sure she thought of the slumber party I let her have in the Vanagon camper with the pop top. We were still finding peanut M&M’s months later. Maybe she thought of the Christmas Eve Blizzard when we spent the day pushing people out of the ditch in front of the house. Or the time she rode her bike on the church parking lot down the street and almost put her eye out on a tree branch.

\n

I miss being close to my kids. Maybe by this time, if I hadn’t have found Mr. FixIt, I might have been back there…or at least spend more time in Colorado. But, just as my girls have lives…so do I. I just have to make the most of the time I do have with them when I am there.

\n

I spent yesterday at the farm again. I made great progress on the paperwork I’m doing. Tomorrow I can wrap it up and we can do our taxes and be done with it. I promise myself every year that I wont procrastinate next year…and here we are. Down to the wire yet again. Maybe next year!

\n

❤️

\n
“But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.”    1 Corinthians 14:40 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-04-11T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/11/memory-recall.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/10/bad-night-great-day.html", "title": "Bad Night - Great Day", "content_html": "

\"James “Resist the devil and he will flee.”

\n

I remember back in the first two to three years of my grief, I often had what I referred to as “bad nights”. Nights were especially difficult from the beginning. Too many hours stretched ahead with too much time to think…especially since I had such a hard time sleeping. It didn’t take much to send my mind chasing rabbits and soon a thought would have me in a tailspin. I spent SO many nights alternating between gripping the mattress and throwing up. All. Night. Long. It was brutal.

\n

Thankfully, that finally evened out. Partially from time and healing, but mostly because I got a grip on my anxiety once I learned it’s source. Some may call it a trick of the mind, but I have been much more successful in not only controlling my anxiety, but sending it packing altogether. Prayer and petition to God to come in and bring me comfort helps tremendously. One thing has really helped me and the old me would have rolled my eyes with a “Right…sure…ok.”

\n

That one thing is banishing Satan. The enemy comes to rob, steal, and destroy. He is the force behind the thoughts “You can’t handle anything.” “You will always have anxiety.” “I’ll make sure you are miserable all the days of your life…this will never get better.” When I feel anxiety creeping in, I talk out loud now. I just tell the old goat to get the heck away from me because I don’t believe his stinking lies. 

\n

The second thing I do is listen to praise music. I have discovered if I’m having anxiety and I start playing praise music and singing along, the anxiety dissipates. I cannot be anxious and upset while praising Jesus.

\n

And…I’m human. Sometimes I forget to do those things and I get caught with my guard down. That’s what happened on Monday when we drove by my dad’s house and saw it had been torn down. I immediately felt sick and I let things spiral. I felt horrible and out of control. I could hardly eat a thing and that night, after writing my post, I tried eating a bowl of cereal and immediately got sick.

\n

I did excuse myself to the guest bedroom so as not to interrupt Mr. FixIt’s sleep. I took something to settle my stomach and I read the Bible and listened to praise music. And I asked God to send his angels to wrap their wings around me and keep me safe. I immediately fell into a deep sleep and awoke refreshed and feeling much better.

\n

I knew I needed to spend some time at the farm, though. The Farm is my touchstone. I drove out and sorted through my papers to prepare the taxes. I drank coffee and walked around the yard looking at Grandma’s posies. Once the paperwork was sorted, I took a little snooze in Grandma’s bed and finally headed back to The Ponderosa.

\n

Mr. FixIt did yard work all day. The field looked like a well manicured golf course. He wanted to show me some things so we walked the entire five acres, hand-in-hand, marveling at the spring beauty. We inched through a rose bramble to look for arrowheads on the creek-bank. We moved an old fallen tree. We found violets in the grass and looked for frogs in the ditch along the road.

\n

Last night, just before bed, we went out back in our robes and slippers and held hands while we counted stars. The “bad night” of the night before wasn’t even in my memory. It had been banished with a stern warning…spoken aloud…”Get away from me Satan…you have no dominion over me!” He isn’t as powerful as he would like you to think he is. He can’t read our thoughts so we must speak aloud to him.

\n

Every time I get closer to Jesus…every time I raise my hand in church and further commit my heart to Christ…the enemy swings hard. He does this for the precise reason…he knows I’m a threat. He knows who lives in my heart…who is my true north. And he hates that. That’s ok. I can do hard things. I can have a “bad night” if it means I get so much greatness on the other side. 

\n

❤️

\n
“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”    James 4:7 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-10T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/10/bad-night-great-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/09/a-mission-of-mercy.html", "title": "A Mission of Mercy", "content_html": "

\"Camper\" “On a road trip to pick up an old camper…the flowering trees were stunning!”

\n

Last week, my friend Barb was visiting from Alaska. A bunch of our classmates got together for coffee. Barb had the sniffles and said she thought she was allergic to the cat and the dust from having her house closed up for so many months. But, it turns out, our poor friend had Influenza A. So far, we are all fine. She is a nurse and was quite careful in how she interacted with people.

\n

At the coffee, she reminded me that she still has a big camper in her back yard and if I would just please come get it, I could have it. Well, who turns down a free camper, right? Mr. FixIt and I went on a little road trip yesterday that turned into an all day extravaganza. (The flowering trees were AMAZING!) First, we had to take the title to the State Police barracks to get a single use tow permit. The closest place was the next city over. 

\n

When we got back, we went around to see the camper and start figuring out how to get it out of her back yard. I would love to have been a fly on the wall and watch her husband back that thing in there. The back yard is accessible from the alley. On the other side of the alley is a parking lot for the Head Start on the next street over. It was so obvious we weren’t going anywhere till the employees at the school left for the day.

\n

We decided to go back over to the next town. As we were driving, I realized we were just a couple of streets away from my dad’s house so I asked Mr. FixIt to turn down his street. We drove down the street slowly and at first I was puzzled. I thought maybe I had the street wrong, so I looked at the sign. No…this was Mulberry. I turned around and it hit me….they had torn down his house!

\n

I have no idea why, but that hit me in the gut and I almost threw up. It was so unexpected. The only time anything like that has happened to me before was when I had been away from WV for quite some time and walked up on the top of the hill. I had not known my uncle had much of the land timbered up there and the starkness of change gripped me in the same way as my father’s missing house.

\n

It took me quite some time through the afternoon to process that. I brushed it off as my diet, or not having enough protein for breakfast. Later, when we got home, I went off by myself in my little camper and cogitated quietly. Change. Sometimes we sweep it under the rug. I can’t do that anymore. I have to chew on it for a while till I can swallow.

\n

But, back to the task at hand. We browsed an antique store then headed to Walmart. I’ve been wanting to buy Mr. FixIt a portable tire inflator for his truck for quite some time. Pulling a camper with older tires on it seemed like the perfect opportunity to have a little 12v air compressor handy. We also picked up some sandwich fixings and had a picnic in the truck as we watched it rain.

\n

We called the Head Start to find out when the employees would be gone and headed back to Barb’s house by 4:00. The camper was squeezed in between a chain link fence and a building with a foot on each side. Hooking up was easy and it only took three tries to get it out without damaging anything. We drove straight to a service station and pumped up the tires. We walked around and gave it a good safety check. I felt the hubs and they were not hot. The tires didn’t look dry rotted. The rear lights worked as did the flashers and the turn signals. We adjusted the brakes and the weight distribution hitch and headed home.

\n

We drove slowly and got home long before dark. Once we decided where to park the camper, we unhitched and gave the camper a good look inside. It is not in good shape. It has had a leak for quite some time and the ceiling sags in a couple of spots. It’s a 2002 and when it was new, it was a really high end camper. Unfortunately, she isn’t a candidate for really fixing up. We were hoping we could make her road worthy for someone to really use. We have decided to give her a good cleaning, inside and out, and then I’m sure she will make someone an excellent hunting cabin. All they’ll have to do is seal the leaks in the roof.

\n

So, we did our good deed. We helped my friend lighten her load and give her one less thing to worry about during her short visit home. It took nothing more than a little time and half a tank of gas. 

\n

Now…my dad’s house being gone? I’m still processing that.

\n

❤️

\n
“Our people must learn to devote themselves to doing what is good, in order to provide for urgent needs and not live unproductive lives.”    Titus 3:14 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-09T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/09/a-mission-of-mercy.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Camping","West Virginia","New Ideas","Gratitude","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/06/what-a-crazy-week.html", "title": "What a CRAZY Week!", "content_html": "

\"Camper\" “The perfect little camper!”

\n

When I started out this week, I never dreamed I’d be the owner of SIX campers by the weekend!!! What??? Yes, that’s right…S-I-X campers! Ok, when Mr. FixIt and I started dating, he had two campers (a hybrid and a 27 foot Jayco) and I had one (a 30’ Starcraft). Then, by fall I bought our fourth camper…a 1967 Franklin I named “Joy”. She is still out at the farm and I need to get her over to the Ponderosa so I can work on her some more. 

\n

I picked up the little camper yesterday and I’m telling you…she’s a little cream puff. She is immaculate inside with a Sealy memory foam mattress. (Color me happy!) Mr. FixIt went with me to check her out carefully and he agreed I got a good deal on a great little camper. Hooking her up was easy peasy. We stopped at the first gas station and checked the air pressure. This is especially important every single time you tow. Remember the blowout I had coming home from Blackwater Falls a few years ago? It was caused by undetected low tire pressure. I learned a valuable and expensive lesson that day. All four tires were low. This happens when a camper sits for a while. We pumped them all up and headed for home.

\n

The second test would be to see how well Frieda pulled this camper. I was sure she would do well, but this is an 18’ camper. I’ve seen different weights. An online spec sheet says 3740 and the tag on the trailer says 4200. There are some steep hills on the drive home so I watched carefully. Frieda towed that trailer like a boss and the transmission temp didn’t get up over 197 degrees which is perfect. When we got home, I felt the hubs and they were barely warm to the touch so that is wonderful. 

\n

I pulled the camper around to the side of the house where the water connector is. The exterior surface is fairly dirty and dull. I wanted to see how it would clean up. I used my Norwex cloth and cleaning paste on a two-foot square section and it looked brand new when I was done. When it started getting dark, I went in the camper and stretched out on the yummy mattress. It’s wonderful! I opened the rock guard from the front window and it is exactly like my first camper…a Sportsmen Classic by K-Z RV. 

\n

I loved my first camper and I’ve got to tell you…I love this one more. If my first camper would have had a dinette with a separate bed, I never would have gotten rid of it. This one has exactly what I’ve always wanted and I’m thrilled!

\n

Now, a friend has a 30’ camper that she is giving me and we are going Monday to bring her home….making SIX campers. Mr. FixIt has one for sale now and TOW-Wanda Grande will be on the market as soon as I get her emptied and cleaned up. 

\n

“Hi, my name is Ginny…and I have a camper addiction.”

\n

This was absolutely, without a doubt, a prayer answered. This camper is more economical, practical, safer to tow….Thank You, God!

\n

Oh, an update on the bathroom. We managed to go another day without killing each other. However, we did end up having to cut a big chunk out of the drywall to get the bottom piece of the shower stall inserted. AND…there was yet ANOTHER trip to Lowes. Mr. FixIt’s measuring is impeccable. I am not kidding…that opening isn’t 1/16th of an inch bigger than the shower base. I am in the presence of engineering greatness…seriously!

\n

❤️

\n
“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”\n

Proverbs 16:9 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-06T01:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/06/what-a-crazy-week.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Positive Energy","Camping","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/04/renovations.html", "title": "Renovations", "content_html": "

\"Vintage “There’s something about vintage kitchens that speaks to my heart.”

\n

I came across this picture on Pinterest the other day. I don’t…CAN’T…spend as much time on Pinterest as I would like to. I have too many irons in the fire right now and I know what a black hole Pinterest is. It’s a candy store for creatives and I get SO lost. I pop in there every day because I get notifications. Almost always, there’s something on my landing page that I might pin if it’s an idea I’m working on, thinking maybe there WILL be a time when I can be a bit more leisurely. I look at my notifications, then I’m out of there…1-2 minutes, tops.

\n

The reason this particular picture grabbed my attention was a memory. Hubby #2 and I moved into our first house a couple of blocks from the medical school and this cabinet, and one just like it on the opposite wall, was in our kitchen. It formed a walkway into the breakfast nook where you sat in front of a big picture window. 

\n

The view out the window was unremarkable, but that kitchen was one of the coolest in any house I’ve ever lived in. It was big and roomy with tons of storage space. It had a window over the kitchen sink which is always a must have for me. To this day, I cannot remember if the countertops were red or green…but I definitely remember that vintage style. It spoke to me…even as a young woman.

\n

You don’t find vintage kitchens like this much anymore. We are a throw away society with a newer is better attitude. The young wives of the ‘80s wanted new and better and hopefully not avocado green or harvest gold or that hideous brown copper toned color. No offense…if that’s what you have or what you love, but it was an affront to my sensibilities then and it remains so today. There is NOTHING nostalgic about that for me.

\n

Speaking of renovations, we are still in the throes of redoing master bath at the Ponderosa. I have never been married to a man that could fix or build anything. Seriously, if anything got built or renovated or decorated, it was my doing. I’m the one with the power tools. Well, I was. They all were stolen when someone broke into my storage unit and broke my heart. Mr. FixIt knows how to do everything. He didn’t get his name for nuthin’.

\n

Here’s the thing. When I fixed up my mom’s house to put it on the market, I did the entire house myself except for installing the kitchen cabinets, connecting the gas for the new range, and updating the electrical service to the house. I tore the kitchen out to the walls and did it all…set the sink, installed a garbage disposal, new GFI outlets, plumbing, laminate flooring, under cabinet lighting, tiled the backsplash and entryway, coped the baseboards and quarter-round molding. I also refinished the hardwood floors, switched out all the ceiling light fixtures, put in a new doorbell and doors and storm doors, painted the entire inside, changed out the bathroom fixtures, tore the entire floor out and installed a subfloor, underpayment and linoleum, new baseboards and quarter round, a new toilet, took out the old medicine cabinet and installed a new mirror and lights and tiled the backsplash. 

\n

In other words…I know my way around a renovation project.

\n

The thing is…I probably didn’t know enough to be intimidated. I just did it. And if I didn’t know how to do something or what tool I needed to do it with, I just consulted the knowledgeable staff at Lowes or read one of my helpful how-to books. I wasn’t picky. If it looked good, that was my bottom line. I thought it turned out great. Anyone who saw it thought it turned out great. And…I did the whole thing in about 4 months…by myself, for the most part.

\n

Then I married “The Man With The Engineer’s Brain”.

\n

Have you ever asked a man with an engineer’s brain to do something? They will do it. Perfectly. Absolutely perfectly. They will spend an inordinate amount of time drawing up plans…perhaps even doing so on a CAD program on the computer than costs more than the budget of small countries. They will print out the plans and study them and make notes. Then they will go back in and edit said plans. Then…once they are satisfied with the design, they will start the shopping process. The frugal engineer will have his/her supplies mapped out and listed by store according to price. This you will buy here. That you will buy there. All in good time.

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Finally, the work begins. There will be measuring sessions. That will last a totally unpredictable amount of time. More notes will be taken and perhaps the CAD plans will be altered and reprinted. The flooring alone took several weeks. In a bathroom half the size of a good walk-in closet. Then there came the drywall. The patching. The sanding. The next coat of patching material. The second sanding. The third coat of patching material and the necessary sanding. Then came the painting. First the ceiling. Two coats. Then the walls. At least two coats. 

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I came in to see how it was going after the second coat of paint dried and Mr. FixIt was sanding…again.

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“What on earth are you doing???”

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“I didn’t like the way that looked. I don’t like satin paint. You can never get it to look good. I’m fixing this spot.”

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“Cool. I’m going back out to the camper write now. Love you!”

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Now we are at the point where we are installing the shower. He measured and calculated and remeasured and recalculated many times and finally…finally…we went to buy the fiberglass shower stall on Monday. That thing weighed a ton. We had to take it apart in order to get it in the house. Once inside, we took the protective coverings off and it was not only scratched, but it had several cracks in the fiberglass surface. So, we had to cart it back outside, put it all back together, and take it back to the store to exchange it. Once home, we had to take it apart again to get it in the house. Thank GOD it didn’t have any cracks because I just might have said a few choice words.

\n

I could have had this bathroom done in two…three weeks tops. But I can guarantee you, it would not look nearly as perfect as the bathroom Mr. FixIt is building. I’m more of an instant gratification kind of gal so this has been a real learning opportunity for me in patience and appreciation. It’s coming along though. It’s definitely coming along. 

\n

❤️

\n
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”\n

Romans 12:12 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-04T01:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/04/renovations.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Comfort","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/02/sick-tired.html", "title": "Sick \u0026 Tired", "content_html": "

\"Elephant “Can’t we all just get along?”

\n

Those of you who have been reading my blog for some time know that, even in my grief, I’m a pretty upbeat individual. Mr. Virgo used to call me Pollyanna because I always look on the sunny side of life. I objected saying there’s nothing wrong with looking for the light, even in the darkest situations…as long as you don’t stick your head in the sand. I think I keep a weather eye out for the realities of the world while still trying to look on the bright side.

\n

I’ve gotta tell ya…and this is in NO WAY a political post…but, I’m just sick and tired of hearing all the ugliness these days. I keep looking for the God-spark in everyone and dang if it isn’t disheartening sometimes. I read something yesterday that punched me in the gut. Teachers can no longer teach kids the way we were taught. Because, the world we were raised for no longer exists. We didn’t have a TV till I was in school. Countries on the other side of the world were nothing but stories in the encyclopedia. We didn’t have indoor plumbing at my grandma’s house till I was in first grade. We went from that to landing a man on the moon by the time I was in high school. To think the computer onboard an Apollo spacecraft was far, far less sophisticated than a Blackberry…and they are archaic in the grand scheme of things.

\n

Between the Information Age, readily accessible electronics, and Joe Public’s thirst for all things that would have been cringeworthy a decade or two ago, we are bombarded with violence. When I grew up, coverage of the Vietnam War and shoot-em-up Westerns were about as violent and graphic as anything you would likely witness unless you saw a terrible accident. You can’t put smoke back in a bottle. Once you see this stuff, it’s in your brain…and in your heart.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I had to run to town yesterday to get the shower insert for the new bathroom. As I was gathering my things to leave, he asked me to watch a story from CBS Sunday Morning. It was about Sandy and Lonnie Phillips. Their daughter was one of the victims in the 2012 mass shooting in the movie theater in Aurora, CO. She was with a friend who was an EMS. He was shot twice and he did everything he could to save her, but he couldn’t.

\n

As I watched this story, my heart broke for all of them. I know grief. But I know nothing of the grief that comes with violence. Instead of climbing into the never ending hole of horror, they chose to help other victims of mass shootings. They’ve rented their house out, quit their jobs, sold everything they owned, and travel from place to place pulling a travel trailer….following the shootings. They started in Newtown, then went to Isla Vista, San Bernardino, Orlando, Las Vegas, Sutherland Springs, Parkland, Santa Fe, Pittsburg and Thousand Oaks. The equivalent of a soldier with PTSD running into firefight after firefight after bloody firefight with no end in sight.

\n

It brings them no joy. They still cry every day out of sadness and pain and it’s been seven years since their daughter was murdered. But they do find satisfaction in helping others who are coming up the same path behind them. They are able to hang onto each other and offer comfort to others while being bombarded by conspiracy theorists who verbally threaten and harass them. Their super power is compassion.

\n

My soul is tired. My brain is bruised. My heart is weary. “I can do hard things.” But…in reality, can I? Could I do what the Phillips’ are doing? Could I survive such horrors? I think I couldn’t, but I know God could. I know I had to rely on Him to carry me through Mr. Virgo’s death so I have no reason to believe He won’t carry me through everything that comes to me in this life.

\n

I’m just so tired of all the anger, hatred, ugliness, violence, pain, depravity. I cling to the joy and hope I find in my faith. I pray for this world. I pray for wisdom. I pray for peace. I pray for strength to get through a time that numbs me. I don’t want to be numb. I want to always, always, always look for the light. Find the good. Encourage the downtrodden. Shine a light in the darkness. See, here’s the thing…there are a lot more good people on this earth than the media will lead you to believe.

\n

Look for the light. Look for the helpers. Yes, I get weary…I just can’t quit.

\n

So, I press on. I go outside and put my bare feet on the earth to ground myself. I feel the wind on my face. I close my eyes and turn my face to the sun. I hug people…a lot. It’s the best gift I can give them because I can’t help but get a hug in return. 

\n

If all of these things bother you, too…turn off the TV. Put down the newspaper. Go outside. Nature heals.

\n

❤️

\n
“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.””    1 Peter 3:9-12 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-02T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/02/sick-tired.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/30/getting-healthy.html", "title": "Getting Healthy", "content_html": "

\"AdvoCare\" “It’s time to get healthy with AdvoCare’s 24 Day Challenge!”

\n

I went to the doctor last week for bronchitis and had to do that thing I’ve dreaded the most…I had to step on a scale! I haven’t weighed myself in ages…mostly because I just find it so demoralizing. I am past the caring what others think of me thing. However, I do still care what I think of myself. I don’t feel healthy when I weigh this much. My feet hurt. My bladder leaks. My acid reflux is abysmal. The whole thing makes me pretty darned cranky.

\n

Unfortunately, I’ve had to take steroids twice in the last six months and that wreaks havoc on my weight. However, I can’t just blame this weight gain on medications. Writing this book kept me sequestered in my camper for the last two months. And when I write, I nibble and nosh without thinking much about it. Winter brings the blahs and comfort food gets me in trouble in a hurry.

\n

It’s time to do something about it. I did check into a weight loss program that a friend of mine is one. She has had a dramatic weight loss and looks wonderful, but her program is $400 a month and that is unreasonable for someone on a fixed income. I have decided to do what worked for me last time and just ordered the Advocare 24 Day Challenge. It’s time. It’s not too terribly expensive and if you work it, it really gives me that jump start I need to get me going. If any of you are interested in doing it with me, you can send me a private message and I can send you the link to purchase what you need. If you followed along with me three years ago, you saw what a difference it made.

\n

It’s a new season. I need to stay active and physically fit so I can maintain my fun girl camper lifestyle! I’m going to be 66 this summer…it’s time to really take serious control of my health!

\n

❤️

\n
“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.”    \n

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-03-30T01:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/30/getting-healthy.html", "tags": ["Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/29/my-friends.html", "title": "My Friends", "content_html": "

\"Whitetail “The little whitetail deer of West Virginia are so delicate and fine boned compared to the larger mule deer of Colorado.”

\n

Thursday nights have been fun the last three weeks because I’ve spent the evening at the local pizza shop…munching on yummy pizza and people watching. Last night, my friend Charlotte came to have dinner with me and catch up. Charlotte and her husband, my second cousin Rick, are the couple that took my farm cats down to their barn to live. She says they are doing really well. As a matter of fact, four or five beautiful ducks showed up recently and have taken up residence with the cats and a plethora of roosters. A lot of times, people end up with more roosters than they need to get the job done and they end up down at Charlotte’s barn. She has quite a menagerie now. Next week, my small group meetings begin for our Spring session so I won’t be hanging out at the pizza joint for a while.

\n

The other night, I came out to the camper with Mr. FixIt’s headlamp on my head. As I was unlocking the door, something caught my attention and I turned to my left. The light swept across the big field and it looked like the lions of the Serengeti out there. Nothing but eyes shining back at me from just above the grass level. There must have been a dozen deer bedded down out there and at first, it was downright spooky till I figured out what they were.

\n

We don’t have any new babies yet. It won’t be long before we see little spotted fawns gamboling about in the fields of The Ponderosa. Once in a while, we sleep out in the camper now that the weather is getting warmer. When Mr. FixIt joined me the other evening, a huge possum was standing just outside the camper and about scared the stink out of him. The furnace was running and I had the music on so I didn’t hear him yelling. 

\n

I haven’t smelled any skunks out yet. The birds are starting to nest in the eaves. We have had a problem with swallows nesting in the chimney so we need to get it covered before too long or they’ll be back. I noticed the mockingbird was back this week. It sits on the old TV antenna above our bedroom window, its distinctive call sounding like a multitude of birds. I’m waiting to hear the whip-poor-wills and the owls.

\n

Tonight is the women’s conference at my church and I’m really looking forward to going with my bonus girls. Afterward, I’m headed to the Girl Camper weekend and the Camper College near Huntington. A fun girl’s weekend!

\n

Mr. FixIt is making great progress on the master bath now and the flooring is about to go down. He did a wonderful job on the drywall. That is something I never did in all of my renovation projects. It’s hard to handle a full sheet of drywall by yourself. Fortunately, he only had to patch a few places. Hopefully we get this project done soon as there are many more in the lineup and the weather is getting nicer every day. We are about to head into our warmest week yet and it’s none too soon!

\n

Happy Friday, everyone. I hope you are going to go out and enjoy this beautiful spring weather in your neck of the woods! 

\n

❤️

\n
““But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.”    Job 12:7-10 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-29T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/29/my-friends.html", "tags": ["Travel","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","goRVing","Grace","Peace","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/27/the-ponderosa.html", "title": "The Ponderosa", "content_html": "

\"Farm\" “The Ponderosa is the land I have dreamed of all my life.”

\n

I’ve still been recuperating from this bronchitis/cold/virus/allergy thing. Kind of laying low, taking care of myself. To keep from re-infecting Mr. FixIt (he already had this last month), I’ve been spending a lot of time out in TOW-Wanda…resting, reading, writing, napping, cogitating. It has been very good for me to spend so much time in my little house on wheels. It certainly made winter go by MUCH quicker!

\n

As I was writing this yesterday, I was stretched out in my “sun room”…the slide-out in my camper. It is actually the dinette, but it collapses down and makes a twin-sized bed and I actually have a mattress in there. I have piles of pillows and comfy blankets all around so it’s a nice little cocoon in which to snuggle and write and dream.

\n

An e-mail came in while I was writing and it took me back probably ten years or so. It was from a site called Land Watch. Many years ago, I was trying to convince Mr. Virgo that it would be a very good idea to move back home to West Virginia. He humored me and looked at the farms and land I found. He half-heartedly searched for B&B’s for sale here and in the surrounding states. But, he came from Pennsylvania…he lived a long time in Florida…all with the goal of ultimately living in Colorado. His Nirvana. I think if push came to shove, he would have moved here for me…but he wouldn’t have been happy. God had different plans anyway because he took Mr. Virgo to His home before I could take him to mine.

\n

As I looked at that e-mail and thought of all those times I dreamed of having a few acres in West Virginia, I looked out the windows of TOW-Wanda at the fields and far hills of the Ponderosa and smiled. I have what I have always dreamed of having. A faith-filled life. A wonderful family…biological and bonus. And land…a garden, grass, trees, flowers. TWO farms, actually. I’m doubly blessed. I had no idea ten years ago I would realize my lifelong dream but it wouldn’t look at all like I thought it would. It’s funny how life plays out. 

\n

I took the liberty of blurring out some identifying features in the photo above. There’s a neighbor up at the top there…I blurred out their home. And I blurred out the roads and route numbers that were on the map. But it gives you an excellent view of the Ponderosa. All that green there? That’s what we mow! This satellite image was taken at least two and a half years ago because the maple is still in the front yard. It fell in late 2016 or early 2017. You can see the curved drive where there are two campers parked. My TOW-Wanda sits where that blue dot is on the map. 

\n

Nature is getting ready to show off…things are getting green. The trees are starting to bud. The forsythia are blooming, as are the daffodils. They were stunted somewhat by the polar vortex, I think. They are much shorter than usual. We were walking through the yard on Monday and realized it won’t be long till we need to mow it. It will be at least a month before we get the pool ready. As I am writing this, the sun is shining. We are at our high for the day…51 degrees. We are going to our Alma Mater’s Girl’s Softball game this evening to watch one of the granddaughters play. It is a good life we live and I still have to pinch myself sometimes to believe I’m really here.

\n

❤️

\n
“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,”    Psalm 23:2 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-27T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/27/the-ponderosa.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Presence","Choices","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/26/widowed-or-single.html", "title": "Widowed or Single?", "content_html": "

\"Widow\" “Has the mental image of ‘widow’ changed all that much?

\n

One of my friends shared a post with me yesterday. Ironically, it turns out I know the woman who wrote it. And, I know her well enough to understand what she meant by what she said about being called a widow. The writer, Jan, said she didn’t like the term “widow” because it conjures up this preconceived notion of “old” and “feeble”. As she says, we live in an era where ageism runs rampant. Our gray hair and social mores puts the widow in an unenviable position on more levels than grief alone.

\n

Jan says she hates going into doctor’s offices and filling out the forms, having to select widowed or single. She has taken to saying she is “single-by-death” because, she DOES feel single. I’m all for changing the vernacular and the image of widows. Of course, the early throes of acute grief is a time where most of us feel old beyond our years, lost, destined to a life of lonely sadness. After that period of crisis, we do begin…in our own time…to heal and move forward. I don’t know any widow who wants to be looked down on and pitied. In this day and age, widows aren’t a bunch of doddering old ladies wearing black and sitting in the corner crying all the time.

\n

I hated the term widow, too. I thoroughly resented it at first because I was very, very busy trying to pretend he didn’t die. Calling me a widow just turned a spotlight on my spectacular ruse and left me with nothing but shadow puppets of my former life. I sometimes rebelliously referred to myself as “single-by-chance” simply because I hated the word death as much as I hated the word widow. “Single-by-chance” could cover a lot of situations…death, divorce, break-ups. I liked it. But eventually, I just went with widow and tried to show what one looks like by pulling a huge camper across the country alone and dancing on the bar at Coyote Ugly and going into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado for three months…alone.

\n

In researching photos for this post, I Googled “widow”. There was a plethora of images of spiders and Scarlet Johansson in a black latex catsuit with the occasional Civil War era tintype of a haunted woman in black thrown in for good measure. This got me to thinking…if Google is any indication, maybe the world isn’t as obsessed with the word “widow” as widows themselves are. Widowhood and grief are lonely pursuits. We are singular. We are rather myopic. We have lost half of our whole. At least, we have for a while. Eventually, half reduces itself…bit by tiny little bit.

\n

I was widowed…singled-by-chance…surely not by choice. Now that Mr. FixIt and I have married, when I relate my story in my work as a speaker and a writer, I say I was widowed. I suppose in the absolute vernacular, I am a widow. But that is a far smaller piece of who I am today than it used to be. I think that’s the way it should be…for me. 

\n

That’s the beauty of language and social norms. We can change things. We can change the words and the images of who we are in the world today. Who we are and how we want to be seen. What works for one may not work for another. Be who…or what…you are. Empirical evidence says…I am a Child of God…first and foremost. The rest is superfluous.

\n

❤️

\n
““Cursed is anyone who withholds justice from the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow.” Then all the people shall say, “Amen!””    \n

Deuteronomy 27:19 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-03-26T01:30:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/26/widowed-or-single.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/25/into-the-woods.html", "title": "Into the Woods", "content_html": "

\"Satellite “A satellite view of The Farm….lots and lots of trees and hills.”

\n

You have seen pictures of the farmhouse I’ve been caring for…the home of my heart. I’ve tried to describe what the 74 acres looks like. “Lots of trees and woods” is a bit of an understatement and it’s hard to picture if you are unfamiliar with the dense deciduous woods of West Virginia.

\n

I went on Google Maps and took a satellite view of the farm. I wasn’t able to get all the land in one picture without making the house look so small you couldn’t see it. But, that little red dot in the lower left corner is the map pin on the house. And those dense woods you see there is maybe two-thirds of the farm itself. Inside those woods are trails and roads, creeks and rocky outcroppings. And somewhere off to the right about one-third up from the bottom is the strawberry shed where we sorted berries for the farmer’s market.

\n

The ground gains elevation rapidly on both sides of the house and comes together in a “V” and on up the hills to the back of the farm. The little creek that comes down off those hills and runs right past the bedroom window roars when there’s been heavy rain. It crosses under the road through a two or three foot culvert and joins the bigger creek across the road. That flows on down to a larger river, to a larger river, to the Ohio River to the Mississippi River, and finally to the Gulf of Mexico. Water from our farm. Isn’t that cool?

\n

Well, in theory it is cool. But this is the time of year for massive flooding so our rushing creek water gets added to thousands of other creeks and the drainage backs up. Our watershed isn’t related to the flooding in the Midwest. Their flooding is of epic proportions and people are still trying to dig out from under that.

\n

Before Parkersburg built the flood wall, town used to flood a lot. When I was a little girl, around five years old, the creek that ran beside our house overflowed its banks and we were evacuated by rowboats going up our street. Since then, a lot of mitigation work has been completed and they don’t see that kind of flooding anymore.

\n

We are supposed to be getting rain all day again. A little cooler today, but soon….soon we will enjoy long stretches of warm spring days and we can spend more time outside. The forsythia is just started to bloom. Whole hillsides are covered with bright yellow daffodils. They were an inexpensive flower that farm wives could afford to put in their yards to brighten up their little corners of the world. As a matter of fact, you drive along country roads and you can tell where houses once stood by the evidence of daffodils in a square or rectangle…surrounding the perimeter of a house long gone.

\n

The grass is greening up. Mr. FixIt and I remarked that we’ll be mowing before long. And, the spring onions are sending up their shoots in clumps all through the lawn. The first time or two that we mow, it will smell strongly of onions when we pass over them. When I was a little girl and we milked cows, the milk smelled and tasked of onion. NOT want you want to eat on your !Cheerios! The butter also smelled like onions…not quite so bad if you were putting in vegetables, but yucky if you were putting on biscuits with jelly.

\n

I love, love, love this time of year. Time to roll up our sleeves and get stuff done! 

\n

❤️

\n
“Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants.”    Deuteronomy 32:2 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-25T01:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/25/into-the-woods.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Fun","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","God","Peace","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/20/from-wounded-to-awakened.html", "title": "From Wounded to Awakened", "content_html": "

\"Meme\" “Awakened Women know from whence they came. Overcoming brokenness takes a great deal of hard work and patience.”

\n

It would probably be safe to say most of us have been wounded in one way or another in our lives. You don’t get to 65 without some bumps and bruises. I spent so much of my adult life as one of the walking wounded. Growing up with an alcoholic father, being subjected to sexual abuse, experiencing brutality at the hands of a teacher, and getting the pee scared out of me by a traveling preacher were the foundation of fear that wounded my little girl psyche. That led me down a path of self destruction that nearly ended my life.

\n

Kathy, my small group leader, posted this meme in our group chat yesterday. When you are the wounded woman who has become awakened, you don’t always understand the significance of the steps involved to heal. It’s easier when you watch others achieve their own healing. That’s when you understand just how far you’ve come. In other words, sometimes you really don’t get something till you see it in black and white. 

\n

I was sitting with Mr. FixIt at breakfast yesterday when I saw this meme. I had just been talking to him the other night about how different I feel with him than with any other person I’ve been with. I am totally at home. Comfortable in my own skin. 

\n

“You see the list on the left?” I said. “That was me before Mr. Virgo. Actually, I was still a little bit like that while I was married to him. But now? Now I’m firmly planted in the list on the right. You didn’t do that. I didn’t do that. GOD did that. Ok…I had to choose God first. Then I had to ask him to fix me. But HE’S the one that did the fixing. He’s the one who sent the right therapists, the right doctor. He’s the one who gave me the courage to find my voice.”

\n

He “gets” me. He’s the one who gets to reap the rewards of my awakening. I remember back when I was separated from Hubby #2. I knew he had this good, kind, gently, emotive man inside him. He knew I had the potential to embrace everything in the list on the right. We just couldn’t bring those things out in each other. We needed to go through what we went through to become who we are.

\n

Our daughter is getting married in August. Mr. FixIt and I will be attending the wedding being held at my ex’s somewhat palatial estate. I’ve never been there but I’ve seen pictures. The “me” that used to live in the left hand list would walk into that house feeling less than…unworthy…apologetic…falling all over myself to make a good impression, to look a certain way, to act a certain way in order to gain approval. The woman I have become is awakened. I know my value. It doesn’t come from anything…or anyone…earthly. I needn’t apologize for anything. I speak gently to myself. 

\n

I have to admit…the first time I saw a picture of my ex’s house, I burned with envy. For just a moment. The thought was, ‘That should have been MY house!’ Which was immediately followed by, ‘Yes, dear one…but HE comes with that house.’ There’s definitely a reason we aren’t together. We are both much better off apart.

\n

This has been a long….LONG time coming. And, I’m finally…finally…finally there. ❤️

\n
“for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, “Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.””    \n

Ephesians 5:14 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-03-20T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/20/from-wounded-to-awakened.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/19/a-visit-from-aunt-flo.html", "title": "A Visit From Aunt Flo", "content_html": "

\"Woman “Ahhhh, the vagaries of youth…some I miss, most I don’t!”

\n

So, here’s a topic we’ve never delved into…that dreaded part of being a woman during her reproductive years. Yes…that monthly visit from Aunt Flo. I can tell you this, when I had a total hysterectomy in 1994, I was tickled as all get out to get rid of that monster. Unfortunately, it was immediately replaced with a rampant case of “InstaPause”…full on menopause symptoms felt all at once when I came out of anesthesia. None of that slip-sliding into the quasi psychotic stages of hot flashes, weight gain, depression, anxiety, and hair growing out of places where hair should NEVER grow on a woman. Noooooo….I dove head first into that lovely mess. The only good part about the whole thing was saying goodbye to Aunt Flo for good!

\n

One of my readers passed this on to me yesterday and I had to share it with you. OMGosh! I laughed till I cried, so of course, I have to share it with you. I SO know you can relate!

\n

“This is an “actual letter” from an Austin, Texas woman sent to Proctor and  Gamble regarding one of their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. This was PC Magazine’s 2009 Editors’ Choice award-winner for the best letter sent via e-mail. 

\n

Dear Mr. Thatcher, 

\n

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. 

\n

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants. 

\n

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ 

\n

Isn’t the human body amazing? 

\n

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. 

\n

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:

\n

‘Have a Happy Period.’ 

\n

Are you f—— kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? 

\n

Well, did it, James? 

\n

FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’. 

\n

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh!t. And that’s a promise I will keep. 

\n

Always. . … 

\n

Wendi Aarons - Austin , TX”

\n

If you are still getting visits from your Aunt Flo, my sympathies to you. Lord, I surely don’t miss those days! ❤️

\n
“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.”    Proverbs 14:1 NLT
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-03-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/19/a-visit-from-aunt-flo.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Wisdom","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/16/fancy-meeting-jew-here.html", "title": "Fancy Meeting Jew Here", "content_html": "

\"Tzitzit\" “You don’t see tzitzit around these parts very often.”

\n

The other evening, I was home by myself and had a hankering for pizza. I’ll bet I have had one slice of pizza in the last six years and Giovanni’s was calling my name. Mr. FixIt doesn’t like this place so, since he wasn’t at home, I decided to go by myself. Ohhhhhh, I wasn’t sorry. Although the crust was just the slightest bit too soft on the bottom center, it was overall divine!

\n

I threw caution to the wind and had them paint the crust with garlic butter. What the heck…I’d already blown any semblance of health food out of the water with this endeavor, might as well take it all the way! A wonderful sauce, a little skimpy on the pepperoni, generous on the mushrooms and the cheese was that perfect cross between crispy brown and ooooey-gooooey perfection. Ah, yes…I thoroughly enjoyed that.

\n

I took my iPad with me so I could write in the restaurant and make an evening of it. As I was setting up, a man and his little girl walked in the door. I saw twenty people walk in the door that evening. None of them made an impression like this guy. The first thing I noticed was his tzitzit…the specially knotted tassels on his tallit katan…an undergarment traditionally worn under an observant Jew’s clothing. The second thing I noticed was his kippah, also known as a yarmulke…the skullcap Jewish men wear.

\n

I looked at him and smiled in amusement. This is not something you normally see in small town West Virginia…very, VERY small town. Having lived as a Jew for twenty-seven years, I am quite familiar with the trappings of Judaism and I just had to know more about this guy. He went to the counter and picked up his pizzas and filled his drink cups. I finally caught his eye.

\n

“You don’t see tzitzit around these parts very often.” I smiled.

\n

“You don’t see very many people around here who know what they are.” He smiled back and shook my hand. “Mike.” 

\n

I took his hand in mine. “Ginny. It’s very nice to meet you.”

\n

Turns out, Mike is originally from West Virginia but he lived in Israel for a long time. He met his Israeli wife there. Their oldest child was born in Israel. The baby was born here. We had a really interesting conversation about the reception he gets in small town America. He said in this little town, it’s fine…but in my hometown of Parkersburg, he has had some negative experiences. Hate is such an ugly thing. I truly believe the hate he (and I, myself) experienced is one of ignorance. It’s a family disease when you live your whole life without meeting anyone much different than yourself.

\n

There isn’t much of a Jewish Congregation in Parkersburg…and none to my knowledge in the surrounding countryside. There used to be a small synagogue in town, but I don’t believe it’s there anymore. To make matters worse, Mike is a Messianic Jew…meaning he is Jewish, but he has accepted Jesus. In all actuality, I could be considered a Messianic Jew because I still feel a special kinship to the Jewish people. Many of my family members are Jewish. 

\n

Jews don’t necessarily take kindly to Messianic Jews. They do not believe Jesus is the Messiah. So they don’t consider a Messianic Jew to be…well, Jewish. And Christians don’t quite get it either. Here you have someone who says he has accepted Jesus, but is wearing the traditional garb of the Jewish people. They get kind of stuck in the middle.

\n

I have a personal understanding of this position. When I came to West Virginia for Thanksgiving one year, I had a family member tell me to put my Star of David inside my sweater so I wouldn’t upset our Grandma. Let me tell you…I had a little quiet discussion with her and told her my Grandma loved me for who I was, and didn’t love me any less for my beliefs. I threatened to make the discussion a little louder right there in the dining room in front of the whole family and she backed off. I’ll stand up for the underdog any day of the week and I have to tell you…discrimination stings. I had never, ever experienced that before and it was terrible.

\n

I handed Mike my business card and asked him to have his wife contact me. I’d love to befriend them and normalize the Judeo-Christian experience for them here. I know there are those who are highly suspicious of Messianic Jews because of the “Jews for Jesus” movement, but I don’t categorize people…I just love them. I thought to myself, maybe others will come to be accepting of them as well. I waved to them as they headed out the door and I sat back and smiled. Nope, you just never know what you might find in small town America. I think I may have found a gem. 

\n

❤️

\n
“Remember your leaders, those who spoke God’s message to you. Reflect on the results of their way of life, and imitate their trust — Yeshua the Messiah is the same yesterday, today and forever.”    Messianic Jews (Heb) 13:7-8 CJB
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-16T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/16/fancy-meeting-jew-here.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","West Virginia","Growth","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/15/heaven-sent.html", "title": "Heaven Sent", "content_html": "

\"Spring\" “I know it isn’t officially spring, but….this is good enough for me!”

\n

Beware the Ides of March, they say. March 15th hasn’t always been my favorite day. For instance, this was the day Hubby #2 told me he wanted a divorce. Not one of my better days. This was also the day of Mr. Virgo’s viewing and Rosary which knocked all previous bad days out of the bad day competition up to that point. I think the 16th nudged ahead of that one.

\n

Now though…now is different. Even though it’s not officially spring in West Virginia, you can’t tell Mother Nature that. Yesterday was stellar with a temp of 79 degrees at 4:00pm. After watching videos of the bomb cyclone that tore through Colorado on Wednesday, I was ever so grateful to sit in TOW-Wanda and write. The sounds of the peepers serenaded me as the stiff breezes rocked the camper gently. I even rubbed it in by video chatting with my favorite peeps in Denver and showed them the sunshine and open windows in my camper. Yeah…they don’t like me much right now….can’t understand why. insert eye-roll here

\n

We all have good times and bad times in life that cycle up and down. I don’t forget the bad times. In the throes of acute grief, you honestly don’t believe you will ever feel joy again so it comes as a surprise when you first feel it. You even feel guilty because, after all, how can you possibly laugh when your person died? Eventually, one smile brings two. Laughter slowly replaces tears. Warm memories eventually move the pain of loss a little further back in your mind till eventually, even one day after the angelversary, you can feel the sun on your face and appreciate a warm spring day with undeniable joy in your heart. 

\n

Life is good. God is great. Spring is here. Joy abounds. Breathe. If these things aren’t here for you yet…hang on. They’re coming. ❤️

\n
\n “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”    Proverbs 17:22 NLT
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-15T01:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/15/heaven-sent.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Peaceful Moments","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/14/friedas-new-shoes.html", "title": "Frieda’s New Shoes", "content_html": "

\"Tire “Frieda got a new pair of shoes!”

\n

West Virginia requires a yearly vehicle inspection. That’s a good thing. Without that, I can just imagine the kind of cars and trucks that would be out on these country roads. It’s a pretty rigorous inspection, too. You can fail if the tint on your windows is just a little too dark. Or if you have a hole in your muffler. Or, as was my case yesterday…Frieda needed a new pair of shoes.

\n

First off, I wouldn’t have gone to the garage I went to if it wasn’t for Mr. FixIt. He’s lived in this house since 1979. He knows ev-er-y-bo-dy. I have learned to take his word for it. He’s always gone to this place…so that’s where I went. I’m glad I did. The mechanic was great. He hoisted Frieda up on his lift and checked everything out. When he was done, he called me into the garage and showed me the front tires.

\n

I have been watching these tires pretty carefully. I knew I was going to need to replace them soon. But, I’m getting ready to trade her in and buy one that’s more powerful to pull TOW-Wanda up the mountains of Colorado. I hate to put money into a truck I’m going to trade. The thing is, the inspection came due before the check came in for the purchase. So I kept hoping I could slip by.

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Mr. Mechanic pointed out something I didn’t even look at. I’ve been paying attention to the outside edges of the tires. With the truck on the lift, I could clearly see when the inside edges were so worn, you could see the wire mesh…the tread was worn away completely. And that is not safe. The cards were on the table. New shoes or no sticker.

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When I was a kid, my parent used to go to this shop down by the river where they could buy good used tires…cheap. We called Walmart first and two suitable tires were around $250 total…mounted and balanced. We went to the shop that sells used tires and I got two perfectly fine tires, plenty of tread, same brand as what was on the truck, mounted and balanced for $83 and change. You bet I went with the used tires….especially since I had Mr. FixIt with me to make sure they were good.

\n

Sometimes people buy a car or truck and they don’t like the tires that are on it, so they go to a tire store and buy four new tires. I know they do this because I’ve done it myself…you know, back when money wasn’t as big an issue as it is now. I’m not destitute by any stretch of the imagination, but I want to keep what I can and make it work for me as much as possible. Mr. FixIt is teaching me many things. Being frugal is one of them. Now it’s like a game to see how good I can get for the least amount of money.

\n

When tires have been traded in and they are still perfectly good, they get sold to a shop like the one I went to yesterday. The savings gets passed to the consumer…me! Now, Frieda has a new pair of shoes and a brand new sticker till next year. And I’m not out a gazillion dollars.

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Oh, and I needed to refill the propane tanks for TOW-Wanda. When I lived up by the river, I was charged $58 to refill two 30# tanks. Mr. FixIt took me to his guy. You guessed it…$32 for the same thing. Makes me mad I got ripped off four years ago…but so grateful to have the input now. I guess I just never asked enough questions before. We are all a work in progress and it’s never too late to learn. 

\n

❤️

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“The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again. But one disaster is enough to overthrow the wicked.”    Proverbs 24:16 NLT
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-14T01:30:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/14/friedas-new-shoes.html", "tags": ["TOW-Wanda!","West Virginia","Growth","New Ideas","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/13/springtime-in-wv.html", "title": "Springtime in WV", "content_html": "

\"Daffodils\" “It’s getting to be springtime in West Virginia!”

\n

Ok, it isn’t officially Spring for another week, but this is one of the biggest reasons I love living in my home state. Spring comes early here. It wasn’t incredibly warm here yesterday…low 50’s…but the sun was shining and it was a perfect springlike day. As you know, yesterday was Mr. Virgo’s Angelversary and I came to the farm for a couple of days. I drank great coffee. I ate yummy chocolate hearts. And it essentially gave myself a day of rest and self-care.

\n

We need days like that sometimes. I woke up and did my Bible study. Read my devotional. My heart was warmed by your loving and supportive responses to my blog post yesterday. As the clock crept toward the hour of his demise, I thought of Mr. Virgo. I wondered how different my life would be now if he hadn’t died. While no one would choose for their loved one to die, I cannot imagine my life without Mr. FixIt now. 

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I can’t conjure up that pain anymore. It’s like childbirth…if you could actually imagine it, you’d never have a second child. I know it was terrible. I remember my reactions to it. I know how hard it was. But I cannot feel that pain anymore. My question yesterday that I kept circling around to was this…I wonder what yesterday would have been like if my path hadn’t crossed Mr. FixIt’s? I know having someone special in my life makes it easier to face the difficult moments. 

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The fact that yesterday was a beautiful day helped immensely. Colorado and the Midwest is preparing for a mega storm today. And I’ve got to tell you…other than missing my Colorado family immensely, I am not sorry I moved away when I see storm after storm pile snow up higher than most people are tall.

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If you’re out there and you are facing yet another winter storm today, I’ll send you some love and light. My daughter shared this footage from Ouray, CO. Red Mountain Pass is closed from dozens of avalanches with 60’ snow and debris fields on the highway. When we lived in Pagosa Springs in Southern Colorado in the winter of 2008-2009, we had 7’ of snow in two weeks. There were little mountain towns like Creede and Lake City that were totally cutoff from the outside world. They had to drop food and supplies via helicopter. At least Ouray still has the northern route in and out of town open so they have access.

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Be safe out there, people. Stay in if you can. ❤️

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https://www.kob.com/new-mexico-news/snow-strands-people-in-ouray-colorado/5275384/

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“I will send you the seasonal rains. The land will then yield its crops, and the trees of the field will produce their fruit.”    Leviticus 26:4 NLT
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-13T01:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/13/springtime-in-wv.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Gratitude","Warning","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/12/angelversary.html", "title": "Angelversary", "content_html": "

\"Handsome “Remembering Mr. Virgo”

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Last year, I removed the date of Mr. Virgo’s death from my calendar so I would no longer receive reminders on my phone. After all, I’m not likely to forget such an event as that anyway. I do have a hard time remembering the exact date of my mom’s death and my grandma’s and my dad’s. I know approximately when they occurred but I have to look it up if I need to know the exact date. Not so with Mr. Virgo’s. I’ll never forget that…or him.

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It was six years ago today that we set out to buy the travel trailer to take us into retirement. It was a beautiful sunny day with a hint of spring and we had everything to look forward to. Although I had been having premonitions all week, it was still a shock when he died so suddenly.

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This was something I didn’t believe I could recover from. I swore to my girls that I would never, ever get married again because I couldn’t go through this a second time. Yet, here we are…six years down the road and I’m married again…to an equally wonderful man. I’ve been blessed with good men in my life. 

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My friend Deneene lost her husband in March a few years after me. I began to mentor her through the widow experience when she was going through a particularly rough patch. We don’t get to see each other much anymore as she has moved to South Carolina with her new love. We connect frequently via chat and yesterday, she sent a note telling me she was thinking of me and the angelversary of Mr. Virgo’s death. She asked how I was going to commemorate this day. Last year, when I removed the alarm from my calendar, I thought five years was enough of that. I figured I wouldn’t want to do anything special anymore. But, once I thought about it, I decided I was wrong. Time doesn’t change the facts.

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It’s interesting at this point to think of my marriage to Mr. Virgo. He has now been gone the same amount of time we were married. And, just because time has passed, and just because I’m crazy in love with Mr. FixIt and I’m happily married, doesn’t mean my love for this wonderful man I shared my life with has diminished. Daughter #2 called me yesterday and we talked for quite some time about this. When we lose someone so special, our hearts expand at some point. My heart is much, much bigger than it was when Mr. Virgo died. There are spaces there with the names of every person I have truly loved. Those spaces do not become smaller in order to allow room for other to come in. The vessel itself had to grow. 

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As time has passed after each loss, those spaces that remain from the love lost aren’t empty shells. I’ve filled them with love and memories like filling a beautiful vase with thousands of blooms…only these flowers will never die. There were times, especially with the divorces, that I held onto bitterness and anger, but those things did not serve me. Filling each space in my heart with love has been my saving grace. 

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I am so blessed to be married to such a wonderful man who does not expect me to clean house and rid myself of those spaces in my heart. I would never expect him to do so. If you have truly loved someone, no matter what the end result of the relationship, filling those rooms full of flowers can set you free.

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So, I’m at the farm. I’m writing and drinking good coffee and eating chocolate hearts. And I’m counting all my blessings for a heart filled with blooms by remembering my life with a good, kind man. ❤️

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“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”    Psalm 73:26 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-12T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/12/angelversary.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/09/spring-ahead.html", "title": "Spring Ahead", "content_html": "

\"Daylight “Daylight Savings Time begins at 2:00am tomorrow!”

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I sat down yesterday to browse my calendar when it struck me…it’s, like…MARCH! Not only that, it’s over a week into it already. This winter was SO much easier to take so I have to think about what I’ve done differently and do it again next year.

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We kept the tree up. Ok…it’s STILL up. It’s not decorated but no one who comes out our road and sees the white lights twinkling through the window really knows that. I love the white lights. They make me happy and if that’s all it takes, then I’ll leave the darned tree up all year round! Ok. I’m not going that far. Maybe it should come down tomorrow. After all, tomorrow night when we go to bed, we turn the clocks forward and Daylight Savings Time begins. I think that should be the new benchmark…the tree goes up the weekend after Thanksgiving and comes down when we spring forward!

\n

I spent the entire month of February out in TOW-Wanda. You have no idea what that did for me. My mood stayed up and I felt like I was camping, even though I was out in the field and didn’t actually sleep in the camper. So, I guess this means I have to write a book every February from now on. That works for me!

\n

The writing itself kept my mind occupied and off the fact that we were in that long, dreary stretch of wasteland called winter. I poured myself into my book and before I knew it, 75,000+ words had poured out of my fingers.

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We planned and executed projects around the house. Having goals helped make the time pass more quickly.

\n

All of these things kept me looking forward and boosted my spirits. I took breaks away and spent time at the farm which is always my happy place and helped immensely. We have a lot of fun things planned in the coming months. There’s going to be camping trips and gatherings with my friends. My niece is graduating from college in Indiana. We’re going to meet my son-in-law’s parents at our time share in the Outer Banks. We’re going to fit a trip to Florida in there somewhere. We have friends in South Carolina and Tennessee that we want to see. My daughter is getting married in August in Colorado. And we have a new great grandchild coming around the time we get back from the wedding. 

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It is going to be a fun and busy summer and those are the months I want time to slow down to a crawl!

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Don’t forget to set your clocks ahead tonight when you go to bed. We’re heading into spring time!!!! ❤️

\n
“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”    Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-03-09T02:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/09/spring-ahead.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","Fun","Gratitude","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/05/still-winter-after-all-these.html", "title": "Still Winter After All These Years", "content_html": "

\"Winter\" “Still winter in your neck of the woods?”

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We live in a house of the ‘70s. The dead giveaway for that is the sliding doors on the closets have mirrors. While I am not excited about the decorating style of such things, I do love that I can open my eyes in the morning and see the bedroom window reflected in the mirror. When I awoke yesterday, big puffy snowflakes the size of marshmallows were floating down. Even though I am WAY over the winter thing, I’ve got to tell you…it was such a serene scene, I just laid there and looked at it for a long time.

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One of the better things about being retired is not having to commute in bad weather. I heard the salt trucks going up and down the road several times and I was grateful to know my “commute” was going to be a hundred foot walk out to TOW-Wanda. I took three days off and gave myself some distance from the rough draft. Now it’s time to work on the editing.

\n

When I was in church Sunday, Pastor Justin asked us if there were areas of our lives we needed a little extra help with. If so, he invited us forward in an altar call. I was feeling a little fried when I finished writing on the 28th. I found myself dreading the editing because I find it tedious. Also, it makes me read the book over and over and over and I get to thinking no on in their right mind would want to read it. 

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When I went up for the altar call, my prayer was simple…

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“Father God…give me fresh eyes and enthusiasm to edit this rough draft…every single time I read it. Make whatever needs fixing stand out like a sore thumb. Bring the words you want me to say and the readers who need them. It’s all for Your Glory.”

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Pastor Justin came up behind me and put his hand on my head and prayed over me. And, I have to tell you…when I woke up and looked outside yesterday morning, I could hardly wait to get out there and get started! I never once looked at it as a chore. Attitude is everything and I’m grateful to have a change in mine when it comes to this.

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The master bath is coming along slowly but surely. We drove to town yesterday afternoon and bought the new flooring and a toilet. We bought the paint on Saturday. I’m glad Mr. FixIt and I both have projects going. It makes the winter much more bearable. ❤️

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“Then Peter and John laid their hands upon these believers, and they received the Holy Spirit.”\n

Acts of the Apostles 8:17 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-03-05T02:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/05/still-winter-after-all-these.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/03/as-winter-fades.html", "title": "As Winter Fades", "content_html": "

\"Mountains\" “Winter is having a blast this weekend….but spring is around the corner!”

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I should write a book every February. Sitting in TOW-Wanda for the entire month made the time fly by. I try to like winter. I try to have a happier outlook. And, it’s not even like we had a bad winter. It’s just not green. I like green. It’s not warm. I like warm.

\n

I think maybe this winter was easier too because I took a cue from Mother Nature. God puts all the trees and flowers and grasses to sleep in the winter. He gives them a break. It’s a time to rest and regroup. I like that. I tried not to make it too slug-like and just sit for weeks on end doing nothing. I tried to keep busy with things. I didn’t keep my body as busy as I should have. But I sure kept my mind occupied. And that helped the time go by.

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I have a love/hate relationship with March. I love that spring is just around the corner. I love seeing the buds and shoots on the trees. I love the bird songs I hear through the cracked window every morning. Each week brings new calls and I try to remember which bird is migrating through. I love when the grass starts to turn green and the peepers start their shrill chorus beyond the creek. We’ll have new fawns before long…little spotty babies hiding in the tall grasses while their mamas feed nearby. 

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I hate March because it’s the month Mr. Virgo died. I remember every day leading up to March 12th…as if it were yesterday. Just like we remember where we were when Kennedy was shot or Princess Diana died or the Twin Towers fell. We remember. Widows remember. Mothers remember. It’s imprinted in our brains forever. We remember what it looked like that day…the weather, the temperature, where we were, what we were doing, what we wore. We remember the moments leading up to the end. And we remember the end. That’s when things start getting fuzzy. That’s when the slide show starts. A picture here. An image there. A feeling.

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All it takes is a sound. A smell. The way the sun glints through the window. And you’re there. It’s not bad like it once was. Early on it was brutal. It was too real…too soon…too fresh. Time has smoothed grief like a rushing river smooths the stones in a river bed.  Many years ago, I walked Glenwood Canyon for exercise. During the peak of the spring runoff, you could stand on the bike path at the dam above Shoshone Power Station and hear…feel huge boulders being pushed along by the force of the water. You can’t see them, but you know they’re there. You sense the disturbance under the water. That’s how grief is now. I sense the disturbance below the surface, but if you look at me, you probably won’t notice anything different.

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There is a scale…like the ones Lady Justice holds in her hand. The March of Spring vs. The March of Grief. The grief side used to be the heaviest and kept me way off balance. Now it’s even. It’s softer…out of focus…but I will always feel that undercurrent of the boulders hitting my soul. ❤️

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“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”\n

Psalms 147:3 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-03-03T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/03/as-winter-fades.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Wisdom","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/02/sneaky-snake.html", "title": "Sneaky Snake", "content_html": "

\"Snake\" “There are sneaky snakes in our midst!”

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I have a helpful little app on my iPhone called Moment. It was designed by a guy who realized he was getting sucked into addiction to his smart phone and he didn’t like it. So, without any venture capital, he created this app and it’s doing very well. So well, in fact, he was contacted by the former president of Pinterest who offered him $7M for the app, with the stipulation they work together to try and save an entire generation from being Screen Zombies.

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In my Bible study on Thursday night, we finished up Louie Giglio’s Book…Goliath Must Fall. The fifth giant we studied was that of addiction. When we think of addiction, our minds go to the obvious ones…drugs, alcohol, porn. Down the line we might think…shopping, relationships, food. While Louie did touch on those, he took it in a direction I wasn’t really expecting. He went for my iPhone. gasp

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My phone and I are in a close, personal relationship. I’ve had a smartphone ever since that day I stood in line for six hours to buy the very first iPhone, only to have the lady in front of me get the last one they had in stock! I actually had to 

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W-A-I-T

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One whole week before my journey to the dark side could begin. Oh…how amazing it all was. I remember when I bought our first personal computer. I justified it to Hubby #2 by saying our daughter needed it for school. But, it was clearly MY baby. The tech guy told me there would come a day when a computer 1,000 times more powerful that this one would be small enough to fit in a woman’s handbag. And now…here it was. A slick little handheld device with the world at my fingertips.

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I’m here to admit…I’m addi….I’m addic….I use my phone…A LOT! I like to attribute a lot of that to my writing. And I’m sure that’s true. As I write my posts on my blog, I pick up my phone repeatedly to look things up, check the dictionary or Thesaurus, find and edit a photo. I browse the news two to three times a day. I check the obits. (Yes, I’m THAT age.) I send and receive texts multiple times a day. I seldom use it for…you know…making phone calls. I don’t browse Pinterest like I used to. I do post Tweets and Instagram photos for my blog’s social media accounts. Other than my blog, I spend far less time on Facebook than I used to.

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There are two places I do spend a good amount of time. One is a word puzzle app called Word Crossy. I downloaded it after the neurologist recommended I do word games to help with my memory after the subdural hematoma I received in the car accident two years ago. I am happy to say, it has really helped. The other place I spend a good deal of time in is the YouVersion Bible app. I am currently doing The One Year Bible plan. I also read shorter Bible study plans alongside…sometimes with members of our small group. I read the Bible first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I also study as I search for scriptures to put in my posts. 

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An addiction is defined as the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma. 

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Uh-oh.

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Try to take my phone…I dare ya!

\n

To make myself feel better…or at least to enlighten me as to what LEVEL my electronic addiction has reached, I downloaded the Moment app. I am not at all surprised at the amount of screen time I racked up in the past week. You will be shocked, I am sure. I picked up my phone 165 times in the last week. I had 31h8m of screen time. I wrote 8-12 hours a day last week and, like I said…I use my phone a ton when I write. I just activated the feature that monitors what apps use up most of your screen time. As of last August, most people use Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, WhatsApp, and Snapchat…in that order. It will be interesting to see where most of my time is spent.

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Addictions. They are sneaky little snakes that wind their way into and around our lives…stealing our time, stealing our joy, stealing God’s glory. This is a giant that MUST fall. ❤️

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“You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.”\n

1 Corinthians 6:12 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-03-02T07:27:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/02/sneaky-snake.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Wisdom","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/28/expect-the-unexpected.html", "title": "Expect the Unexpected", "content_html": "

\"Red “Unexpected things can be really, really good…or really, really bad. Anxiety can stem from the unexpected.”

\n

My last small group gathering of the winter session is tonight. We’ve been studying Louie Giglio’s book…Goliath Must Fall. It is truly an amazing, insightful look into the giants we all face in life and how to get rid of them…once and for all. I hate to see this series end. I would like to do it all over again. At least I bought the book as well as the study guide, so I plan to read it again and again. I even have friends buying it and we can discuss it.

\n

Our next season starts in April. We will be studying “Unexpected” by Christine Caine. The subtitle is “Leave Fear Behind, Move Forward in Faith, Embrace the Adventure”. Oooooooh, I love the sounds of that! I received the book and the study guide yesterday and it’s all I can do to keep from cracking it open already, but I want to keep my head in the game and finish what I started with Louie’s book first.

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Seeing the title of the book yesterday did get my mind to thinking. Unexpected. That’s a double edged sword, isn’t it? I mean, we generally LOVE unexpected surprises…if they’re good. A baby is coming to a couple who thought they couldn’t get pregnant. An award is given for a job well done. A refund check comes when we were expecting to have to pay more. These are all the GOOD kinds of unexpected things we don’t mind hearing about. 

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What happens when the unexpected isn’t good? There is a miscarriage…a heart attack…an accident. Once that happens to you, you are hypersensitive. Hyper-vigilant. Over reactive. When my ex-husband found me after the overdose, it took years for him to be able to see me without having a rush of anxiety. Daughter #2 went through a very difficult period in her life when she would call me…frequently crying hysterically. I was going through my own issues dealing with grief. Her anxiety would set off my anxiety to the point when I saw her name on Caller ID, my heart would start pounding and my hands would sweat. 

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Anticipatory anxiety can come from having experienced the unexpected in a traumatic way. Mr. Virgo complained of shoulder pain two days before he died of a sudden heart attack. The other day, Mr. FixIt was complaining of his shoulder hurting and my heart started pounding and my hands started sweating. He looked at me and knew what was going through my mind. He knows me well. He immediately came to me, wrapped his arms around me and said, “It’s just my arthritis, honey. I’m fine…really.”

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I don’t want to say “I can’t do that again.” Because, we do not know what the future holds and he deserves to have me right there beside him, supporting him, no matter what happens in life. So where do I put that misplaced anxiety? I ask God to take it.

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“Lord, I need you to take this away from me. I know this is just a reaction caused by something that happened before. But it feels real and I need to focus on _____ right now, not anxiety.”

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Anxiety is a giant that can control our lives. I learned in Louie’s book that Jesus already killed that giant. It’s dead and gone. I’m working on it. I’d love to say I read this book and did the study and watched the videos and now anxiety is a thing of my past. But I’ve been dealing with this since I was in second grade. That’s a whole boatload of years. Whether it is a medical condition or a conditioned response doesn’t matter…it feels real. I will say though, it’s much improved since studying Goliath Must Fall.

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Unexpected things will always happen…good AND bad. I just have to remember to pray and hand it all over. ❤️

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“But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.”\n

Psalms 56:3 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-28T02:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/28/expect-the-unexpected.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Wisdom","Fear","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/24/an-early-spring.html", "title": "An Early Spring?", "content_html": "

\"Forsythia “The forsythia have leaves already! Spring can’t be far away!”

\n

Sometimes Facebook memories are great. They remind us of what was happening a year…two years…five years ago. I have to admit, they were really awful when I was in the throes of active grief and some wonderful memory with Mr. Virgo popped up. They don’t hurt so much now and I enjoy seeing where we were.

\n

On February 15th of last year, the peepers were out. It was 65 degrees. Peepers are those little frogs we’ve talked about many times here and they are the harbinger of spring. Unfortunately, our climate is so messed up, the flora and fauna get confused when we have these waves of warm weather. So far, I haven’t heard the peepers yet.

\n

I was heading out to TOW-Wanda on Friday to write and saw the forsythia bush has leaves on it! I know our growing season is much longer here in West Virginia than it is in Colorado. But this kind of surprised me. Some of my friends have posted pictures of their crocus coming up already. We did have a pretty mild winter and other than that week of the Polar Vortex, things have been pretty mellow.

\n

I don’t mind that a bit. I am getting a little bit tired of all this rain though. I mean…it’s like build-an-ark rain. The ground is super saturated. Today is supposed to be really windy. The two combined will bring lots of trees down. The other night I had that tree fall in front of me on my way home from the farm. Last week, Mr. FixIt had to take a detour around a big tree that fell across both lanes. Then yesterday, I was coming home from town and another HUGE tree fell about twenty feet from that one. It wasn’t there when I drove in earlier. Fortunately, this one was old and fell apart when it hit the road. People were driving over the crumbled up bits.

\n

I’ve got to tell ya, I’ve never looked at the trees along the roads like I have in the last two weeks. A couple of summers ago, the highway crews cut the trees way back on the main road going out to the farm. They’re going to have to do that on this road before too long. There are trees literally hanging out over the two-lane and that’s scary.

\n

The writing continues…60,526. I wrote 8,000 words on Friday alone. If I could be this prolific all the time, I’d have a shelf full of best sellers! Here’s hoping! ❤️

\n
“then he will send the rains in their proper seasons—the early and late rains—so you can bring in your harvests of grain, new wine, and olive oil.”\n

Deuteronomy 11:14 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-24T02:30:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/24/an-early-spring.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Peace","Presence","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/22/broken.html", "title": "Broken", "content_html": "

\"Broken\" “There’s broken. Then there’s forever broken.”

\n

I have a friend from my coffee group who recently lost her husband. She had a health issue and needed to be hospitalized a day or two after her husband died so I went and sat with her for a while. I recognized her grief. I knew her brokenness. I remember.

\n

Even though it’s been nearly six years now since Mr. Virgo died, you don’t forget. Even though I have this wonderful man in my life now and we are deliriously happy…you don’t forget. Time knocks the sharp edges of your grief away, making it softer with distance…like looking for the mountains through a misty haze. You know the mountains are there. You remember what they look like. But you can’t quite make out the details.

\n

Everyone deals with grief in their own way. And, the circumstances of death changes from person to person. It’s one thing to lose your grandma when she’s ninety-two. It’s another when your child is murdered and it’s high profile and you keep seeing it in the news and you get the details of exactly what happened. We expect our elders to pass. We’re never ready, really. But it seems like the natural progression of things. We don’t expect the senseless murder of a young man in the prime of his life. There’s broken. Then there’s destroyed.

\n

I pray for my friends who are burying their loves this week. A great-grandma and a husband. And I pray for my friend who lost her son last year. I pray for her because the scab keeps getting ripped off…over and over and over. I pray for her because I have no words. The only thing I could offer her was a quote from Megan Devine. 

\n

“Some things cannot be fixed. They can only be carried.”

\n

?

\n
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”\n

Isaiah 43:2 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-22T02:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/22/broken.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/20/new-kicks.html", "title": "New Kicks!", "content_html": "

\"Brooks “It pays to buy quality shoes!”

\n

For about the last six months or so, I’ve noticed a pain in the ball of my left foot, near the base between my third and fourth toe. It feels like what we used to call a stone bruise. I rely on walking as my main exercise but this has become decidedly uncomfortable. I know I haven’t been wearing the right shoes this winter…mainly out of laziness. I just grab the quickest slip-ons and I know they don’t provide the proper support.

\n

Yesterday was our appointment with the chiropractor. I really look forward to seeing her once a month. Ever since my accident two years ago, I have seen her with regularity. She thinks I have a Morton’s neuroma. I strongly suggest if someone thinks you have something, don’t Google it. You’ll find out things you wish you didn’t know like treatments and recurrence and surgeries and…yuck. She suggested I get better walking shoes.

\n

My cousin’s wife texted yesterday and asked what I was up to.

\n

“Heading to the mall to buy new WALKING SHOES!!!”

\n

“Great! Get Brooks…they saved my feet!”

\n

“?$$$”

\n

“Yeah…but well worth it!!!”

\n

I’m all about the cheap stuff, except when it comes to shoes. My feet have to carry me wherever I want to go. So, I’m willing to spend more for good quality shoes.

\n

I stepped into one of those budget shoe stores first. No Brooks…no surprise. I stuck my hand in several pair and pressed on the material cushioning the ball of the foot. No go. They all felt like they had nothing but the 1/8th inch foam insole. That’s how I got in this problem in the first place.

\n

I went on down the mall to the new sport clothing store. They didn’t have Brooks either. They had more running shoes than anything else and they don’t offer the comfort and support I was looking for either.

\n

My next stop was Finish Line, a fitness and sporting shoe specialty store. They had Brooks! But, man…they were pricey! Still, I know my cousin’s wife has trouble with her feet and if she says Brooks saved her feet, I was going to try them. I asked for two different styles with different price points. Wow! The moment I put on the first pair, the pain eased significantly. They felt like I was walking on clouds. You know that feeling when you find the perfect shoe.

\n

I vacillated. I hated to spend three figures on a pair of shoes. Yet, these felt wonderful. In the end, I bought the shoes. If you buy cheap shoes, you’ll be buying them repeatedly over the years. The last pair of good walking shoes I bought have lasted me four years. I bought these for $136. There’s no reason to believe these won’t also last four years and if they do, that’s $34 a year. I’m good with that. 

\n

We walked a few laps to test them out, then headed home. Mr. FixIt cleaned out the gutters in preparation for the huge rainstorm we are supposed to get over the next 36 hours or so. I tucked into TOW-Wanda and wrote till dusk. After supper, I wrote for another three hours. 

\n

43,148 words! ?❤️

\n
“For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.”\n

1 Timothy 6:7-8 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-20T02:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/20/new-kicks.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Comfort","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/17/another-peaceful-day.html", "title": "Another Peaceful Day", "content_html": "

\"Deer “Deer grazing outside my window in TOW-Wanda.”

\n

I have now spent eight out of the last ten days in TOW-Wanda and I have to tell you…I feel like a million bucks! Usually by this time of year, I’m ready to pull my hair out with boredom. I usually become less content with each passing day, even though the daylight is becoming longer…the long, dark nights shorter. The only two things I have done differently this year is leave the tree up and spend long hours in my camper.

\n

There is a reason girl campers like their little houses on wheels. They offer us a safe sanctuary in which to create. Some of us haul our sewing machines out to the camper in the fall and sit out there happily sewing quilts, clothes for the grandkids, linens for the home, gifts for family and friends. Some knit and crochet, weaving prayers and stories into their creations. Some cross-stitch or needlepoint, creating marvelous pictures from colorful threads.

\n

Some gather friends to join us for tea or drinks, showing off our fancy little playhouses. Some have sleepovers with the grandchildren, bringing up the next generation to adore our little campers in the same way we have. There are as many different varieties of girl campers as there are travel trailers and we celebrate each and every one of them every time we tow.

\n

Me? Well, as you well know…and I’ve told you repeatedly this week…I write in TOW-Wanda every chance I get. I turn on Pandora, find the Nature Sounds channel, and listen to raucous rainstorms, salient sea breezes, flighty feathered friends chirping in the forests. I’m instantly transported from the chill of wintery West Virginia into another place, another time. My little twinkle lights glow above me…the view out the windows revealing a stoic blue heron near the creek or a browsing herd of deer making their way across the lawn. Yesterday, I watched the moonrise over the hills to the east of the Ponderosa and I counted my blessings in that very moment.

\n

I’ve written 30,560 words on my book as of last evening. Words that take me to corners of my mind I sometimes wish were never there. And to places and times that I cherish dearly. These words stir something in me…always. But they are just feelings now. They aren’t happening in this moment. That’s how I keep them from poking me now with little barbs…trolls with sharp sticks…fairies with tiny wands…giants with hammers. They aren’t happening now and God is bigger than any poking thing in our lives. 

\n

30,560….encouraging words, painful words, funny words, sad words, terrifying words, loving words. This thing is happening! ❤️

\n
“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”\n

Proverbs 15:4 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-17T02:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/17/another-peaceful-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","goRVing","Grace","God","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Presence","Peaceful Moments","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Writing","Choices","Change","Art"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/12/peace-be-still.html", "title": "Peace be Still", "content_html": "

\"Foggy, “I love the peaceful mornings at the Ponderosa.”

\n

It warmed up overnight and the snow became soaked with rain. This of course will bring more trees down, but my goodness…isn’t it lovely? This is the field Mr. FixIt and I got married in just four short months ago. I can’t believe that…it feels as though we’ve been together forever. I suppose, knowing each other for fifty years has something to do with that, doesn’t it? Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have fifty more with him…he is such a dear man.

\n

I had a meeting with my insurance agent yesterday so I went to town early. I love sitting in the library of the historic Blennerhassett Hotel to enjoy a cup of coffee. Unfortunately, I totally forgot they are renovating the restaurant across the lobby and it was pretty noisy so it wasn’t my typical relaxing respite.

\n

As the fog settled over the West Virginia hills yesterday, I felt reassured that I am indeed on the right path. There are new opportunities just lining up in front of me and it’s so exciting. I’m going to be doing what I do best…more writing. I am so glad I chose to ignore those who, many years ago, told me my writing wasn’t publishable…no one was going to read it or want to buy it. There was a time when I would have taken great satisfaction in feeling vindicated. But, I don’t have time nor energy for that anymore. My focus is forward, not backward. Those who did not support me no longer hurt me. It is liberating to let the Giant of Rejection fall away.

\n

There is a reason the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror. It’s important to look forward, watch your step, and steer clear of those obstacles meant to block your path. It’s the direction we are going…forward. We need that rear view mirror, too. But only to keep watch on what might be trying to sneak up behind us to hurt us and steal our joy. As long as we don’t put it in reverse and try to drive backwards, we are on the right path.

\n

Keep your eyes on the road, my friends. Good things are coming, I promise. ❤️

\n
“I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.”\n

Psalms 57:2 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-12T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/12/peace-be-still.html", "tags": ["Faith","West Virginia","Gratitude","Peaceful Moments","Writing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/10/saved-again.html", "title": "Saved Again", "content_html": "

\"Grace “Knowing who saves me over and over brings me peace beyond understanding.”

\n

I finished my laundry and packed up the car. I had a last minute conversation with a wonderful woman I met recently. Then I headed home from the farm right about dusk. This photo looks like it was pretty light out, but it was dark, dark, dark when I headed into the home stretch on the two-lane country road. It was so dark, you were right on top of deer before you saw them, even with the brights on. Something ahead of me caught my eye. Not three seconds ahead of me, a big tree fell and crossed both lanes. Fortunately, I was going slow and didn’t need to slam on my brakes. I am well aware I missed this falling on me by the skin of my teeth.

\n

I happened to be on the phone with Mr. FixIt when I saw the tree fall. There was no one else on the road. He reminded me to put on my emergency flashers. I sat there for a few minutes as we discussed my course of action. I could wait there for someone to come along and either pull the tree off the road or cut it up and haul it off. Or, I could turn around and go back where I came from. There were two routes available to me. One took me through a long area with no cell service. The other took me across a road that had a number of mudslides this week. Ultimately it would take me clear into town and then I’d have to take the interstate south and back out another two-lane. A long, long drive in the dark and still there were areas with no cell service. I decided the shortest route would be best and I headed back toward the farm, but…when I got there, I had already dodged umpteen deer and for the first time in a long, long time, I was worried about driving in the dark, alone.

\n

When I got to the farm, I called Mr. FixIt and told him I planned to stay another night and I would be home in plenty of time to go to church. He agreed that was a good plan. That’s when I confessed I was actually worried about driving out here in the dark and I couldn’t understand why. I mean…nothing scares me. Three years ago, I wouldn’t have given this a second thought and would have looked at it as an adventure. But now? Now is different. Now it’s not just me. Now I’m not so foggy, not so careless with my existence. Now there are not only my children and friends who love me. Now there is a man and a bonus family that look to me with love and acceptance. It’s not that my life had no value, but even three years ago, the depth of my grief made it difficult to appreciate the time I had ahead of me…the family I already had that were still here and needed me. I have been awakened in the last two years. Awakened and earnestly appreciative of every precious moment I am given on this side of the grass.

\n

Moments after my call to Mr. FixIt, a friend sent me a message that Rt. 5, the alternate route I was preparing to travel, was now closed with a large downed tree. It would be quite some time before that road was cleared. Heavy equipment was being brought in to move the tree off the phone lines. So, it seems my guardian angel was quite busy last evening keeping me from harm. I thanked God all the way to the farm for always caring for me and for the protection he afforded me last night.

\n

And…over the last three days, I have written six chapters and 10,831 words on my book. I’ve written this book three times, at least. And every time before, it was a struggle. I’d read it and re-read it till I was sick of it and it never really spoke to me. It always seemed to me to come out flat…like I just wasn’t reaching the sweet spot where the story flowed. I’d put it away for months at a time, pick it up, and find the same problems. It wasn’t working. I have finally figured out why.

\n

I was approached nearly three years ago by a literary agent who was interested in my writing. We signed a contract for a book. I remember when we were getting acquainted, I told her my writing was faith-based and she suggested perhaps I should use a Christian publisher. She didn’t have those connections. I thought about it for a few moments and said no, it might be good if the book was out in the general populous because it could reach many who perhaps struggle with faith. We moved forward with the contract. In the following three years, two things became apparent to me. One, my social media presence hasn’t grown as fast as I had hoped and two, my faith has deepened and now I know I want a Christian publisher. I think God waited for me to decide to include him in the book before he made it clear which direction to go. And before he opened the floodgates of words.

\n

I have struggled for over a year with the decision to part ways from my agent. That dark voice kept whispering, “A bird in the hand, you know.” I finally stopped listening to that voice and paid attention to my gut…my inner God-voice…and send her an e-mail last week expressing my desire to change directions and head for a Christian publisher. She totally understood and felt that was the direction I should go and wished me well. So, now I have no agent, but I have the freedom of knowing I did the right thing and the trust that God will get this book out of me and onto paper.

\n

This time, writing is different. The words are literally falling out of me. I’m typing as fast as I can. Nearly 11,000 words in three days is phenomenal! The biggest difference I notice is, this time it’s not slaying me to write it. I feel the healing of the past three years and I know this is the right time. I’m really excited about that! ❤️

\n
“‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’”\n

Jeremiah 33:3 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-10T02:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/10/saved-again.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/06/i-need-that-joy.html", "title": "I Need That Joy...", "content_html": "

\"Joy “I Need That Joy…down in my heart!”

\n

I love, love, love the way God works in my life! It’s like an elaborately woven tapestry with bright colors here and dark colors there…never seeing what’s developing in the picture till you get some perspective. That’s when you start to see how this thread that was pulled over here is causing that thread to move over there. And then you see…you really SEE. And you know beyond a shadow of a doubt…it is GOD!

\n

Case in point. We were standing in the lobby Sunday waiting for the doors to open and head into church. I was talking with my step-daughter about my blog and how my spiritual walk began to blossom within it. I explained how the enemy really started attacking me when I opened up my heart and started praising God in my writing and adding scripture to my posts. I attended my very first Revival and was baptized in the Spirit which took things to a whole new level. Pastor Matt told us one night to take back our homes and our properties and to banish the enemy from the premises. The next morning, I got Grandma’s old bible from the buffet and walked around the perimeter of the yard, hands outstretched, shouting praises without shame. I informed the enemy he had no dominion over me or my house and I showed him the boundary. It’s one of my favorite stories and it was the first time I had shared it with my bonus family.

\n

Soon, we went into the sanctuary and were seated. Pastor Justin gave a wonderful sermon about patience. At one point, he started getting animated and talked about banishing the enemy from our homes and properties. I sat back and smiled and thought, “Here it comes!” He went on to say, “Take your bibles and walk around the perimeter of your property and send the devil packing!” My step-daughter and I whipped around and looked at each other, mouths gaped open, and laughed out loud. I love it when that happens. And when you are attuned, it happens a lot. You just have to pay attention. I was so glad God showed them he was there!

\n

I told you earlier this year new things were coming. I still can’t talk about the specifics yet, but I knew there were a couple of associations I had to sever before I could move forward into the new project. I’ve waffled, I have to admit. Because a “bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”, as my grandma used to say. I prayed about it and told God I put all my trust in him and I know he will open the new doors where he wants me to go. I hit “send” on the last e-mail and immediately, Spirit told me to turn on the Christian radio station I was listening to earlier in the day. I did, and the worship song “Joy” by King & Country came on. Now, I’ve never heard that song, but listen carefully to the lyrics and you will hear God saying, “Yes! Things were critical and you made a choice. Now…feel the JOY!”

\n

Wow…these kinds of things really pump me up! My body was humming like I was plugged into an outlet. And, in all actuality, I was. I was getting recharged by the Holy Spirit. I couldn’t help but feel that “joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart!” More to come down the road as the journey continues. ❤️

\n

youtu.be/lA7n7TwPD…

\n
“Clap your hands, all peoples! Shout to God with loud songs of joy!”\n

Psalms 47:1 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-06T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/06/i-need-that-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/31/are-we-raising-strong-kids.html", "title": "Are We Raising Strong Kids?", "content_html": "

\"School “School closings for cold weather…are we raising weak kids by saying it’s too cold outside?”

\n

I can’t decide. Were adults negligent when we were kids and they made us stand in sub-zero weather to wait for the bus…in skirts, no less? Or are they teaching kids to give up when things get hard when they call school off for two days because of cold weather? Seriously, I don’t recall ever hearing of someone dying of hypothermia waiting for the school bus in 1969. Did I like it? Heck no! Did it kill me? Not by a long shot.

\n

We weren’t allowed to wear pants to school back then and, by golly, my mom abided by the rules. I couldn’t wear pants under my skirt even if I swore on a stack of Bibles that I would take them off as soon as I got to school. Rules were rules and that was that. I only had to walk three blocks but sometimes the wait was 20 minutes or more if the roads were bad. It was pretty brutal, but I survived.

\n

We didn’t have money for snow boots. I wore my penny loafers and knee socks. My feet were ice cubes by the time I got to school. The skin on my kneecaps was hard and white. There wasn’t such a thing as puffy ski coats, either. I had a hand-me-down wool coat and a toboggan. Still, I never had frostbite. I was rarely sick. 

\n

There was a government official that got some backlash yesterday for suggesting we are teaching kids that we quit when things get hard. More than likely, when these kids grow up, their boss will expect them to show up when it’s cold instead of staying home in their jammies and playing video games all day. I’m inclined to think we’ve become a little too soft in this day and age.

\n

Granted…I stay in and knit and drink tea on blustery, cold days. But, I payed my dues. We did go out to the farm yesterday. We needed to check the well pump in the cellar house to make sure it wasn’t in danger of freezing. All the water lines were clear, the heat was on, the gas stove in the bathroom was working perfectly, the cabinet doors were open, and so was the basement door. That allows extra heat from the basement up into the kitchen, helping to keep that side of the house warm. The cellar temperature was actually well above freezing. It is built back into the hillside and is covered by earth on three sides. Just to make doubly sure though, we turned on the trouble light that hangs near the pipes to give a little extra warmth. It was 2 degrees when we got home.

\n

Ha! I’ve turned into my mother…my grandmother…my great-grandmother. I can just hear my grandma saying, “Why, when I was your age, we had to get up and milk the cows and gather the eggs and feed the hogs before we could head off to school. We had to cut the wood for the cook stove, too! We didn’t have any modern conveniences, and we did just fine. This younger generation doesn’t know how good they have it!” I don’t know…I suppose a windchill factor of -15 is as good a reason as any to call off school. It’s wicked cold out there. Be safe if you have to be out…and kids, use this time to learn something. Look up “global warming”, “climate change”, “how to prevent frostbite” and write a little essay.   ❤️

\n

Edit: I’m going to step up here and say many of you have made very valid points. This is a very dangerous polar vortex and in thinking back, we certainly did not experience wind chills of -50+ when I was a kid. The weather has changed. The economy has changed. I hadn’t thought of all the factors you, as current and former teachers, have expressed. Polar vortex windchills and trophies for all aren’t the same things. Thank you for enlightening me. That’s why I love this blog. You cheer me on…and you teach me when a I need it.

\n
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.””\n

Joshua 1:9 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-31T02:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/31/are-we-raising-strong-kids.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/29/moving-day-for-the-felines.html", "title": "Moving Day for the Felines", "content_html": "

\"Long “Boy Cat…a beautiful, long haired farm cat…moved to my cousin’s barn yesterday.”

\n

I have been in a bit of a dilemma the last couple of months. We have had an inordinate amount of rain in West Virginia this year. We have a leaky stairwell with a very slow drain at the Ponderosa. So, when it rains…especially those long, soaking rains that last multiple days…the drain easily becomes overwhelmed and the basement floods. We have two sump pumps, but someone has to remain here to make sure they are operating correctly to keep the water level down. This is something we wanted to fix last summer, but Mr. FixIt really couldn’t use a jackhammer that soon after the reconstruction surgery he had on his hand last winter. It has to wait till this coming summer and that means we are tied here.

\n

Boy Cat and Kitty Boy, the two farm cats couldn’t come live at the Ponderosa. We live on a very busy highway and they know nothing about busy roads. I was too afraid they would be hit and killed here. I left them at the farm and traded off with my cousin and his wife, taking turns feeding them. The plan was to stay at the farm for long stretches which would give my cousin a break from feeding, but the weather hasn’t been cooperating and being newlyweds…we like to be together. As the weather has deteriorated into icy winter storms, my trips have become fewer and farther between.

\n

Last summer, Charlotte offered to take the cats to her farm, but then she got a new rabbit and we were afraid the kitties would hurt her bunny. When another bunny arrived, it was a definite now, as nature would have it, the bunnies died…one after the other. First, to a predator. The second to old age. The other day, Charlotte called and renewed her offer to take Boy Cat and Kitty Boy down the road to be the resident barn cats. I was so grateful because the barn has lots of hay to burrow down in, lots of mice to catch, and someone to love on them every day. AND…I can go visit anytime I want!

\n

I’ve grown to love these two boys, and this just seemed like the most loving and responsible thing to do. They have been neutered so they aren’t going to produce a bunch of new feral kitties. Charlotte really has a way with them. Boy Cat will rub on my legs but has never let me pick him up. Charlotte can pick him up and love on him whenever she is there. Kitty Boy is still too skittish, but I’ll bet she will have him in her lap one of these days. I just bought a huge bag of cat food and 80 cans of soft food so I’ll deliver that the next time I’m over there. I will also give them the feral cat boxes, the electric heated pads for inside, the cat carriers, as well as the heated water dish. These barn kitties are royals…I’m so happy they have someone to love on them! ❤️

\n
“The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”\n

Proverbs 12:10 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-29T02:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/29/moving-day-for-the-felines.html", "tags": ["Family","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Choices","Change","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/28/some-updates-on-the-kids.html", "title": "Some Updates on the Kids!", "content_html": "

\"Baby\" “Baby Gwendolyn sitting up with her braces on her legs. Making progress!”

\n

Remember sweet baby Gwendolyn who we have been praying for since last summer? Look at our big girl…sitting up in her high chair with her braces on her little legs. She still is having issues with her hands but she is slowly learning to grasp things. Her lower jaw is receded and she cannot eat yet so she has a stomach tube tube for feeding. But she is bright as a new copper penny and as sweet as a summer rain! What a blessing she is to all who love her!

\n

\"Braving “Little Khloe is battling leukemia and just lost her hair. She celebrated by braving bare in a fashion show! She’s a rock star!”

\n

Then, there’s little Khloe. Her great grandma went to high school with us. Khloe found out she had leukemia last summer. Last weekend, her family threw an “It’s Just Hair” party where she and many members of her family shaved their heads in support. Khloe lost almost all of her hair and she was tired of it just coming out in chunks so she just wanted it all off. She has a bunch of really cute wigs, but yesterday she was in a fashion show for Justice girls wear and boldly bare with a cute glittery unicorn headband. This brave little girl rocks!!!

\n

Here are two precious little girls, going through some pretty big struggles. And their brave families backing them up. It makes any little problem I may think I have pale in comparison. They are living, breathing examples of prayers being answered. I love when Jesus shows us His works.

\n

I’ve been praying for my bonus family and last night, the grands with their significant others went to church with me! What a joy that was! And, they want to come next week with my husband and me. So, it was a really, really wonderful weekend. I hope you have a blessed Monday, y’all!

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Have a wonderful Monday, everyone! ❤️

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“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”\n

3 John 1:2 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-28T02:30:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/28/some-updates-on-the-kids.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Grace","Love","Courage","Humbled","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/27/building-up-my-stash.html", "title": "Building up my Stash", "content_html": "

\"Hand-knit “Eighteen hand-knit cotton dishclothes are perfect for impromptu gifts.”

\n

Yesterday was a decompression day. Taking care of and loving on lots of people this week left me needing a day that was all about me, for the most part. I’m almost finished with the cotton yarn I bought to knit dishcloths. There’s probably enough to make a couple more. I have eighteen in my stash. I like having these around for impromptu gift giving. I also get a bar of lavender soap every time my doTerra order comes around and I don’t need vitamins. I put these things all away to have ready for birthdays and hostess gifts.

\n

I have this whole bonus family through marrying Mr. FixIt and I am thrilled to say the grandkids are going to church with me today! Mr. FixIt and I will go at noon then when he bowls this evening, I’ll take the grandkids with me and treat them out to dinner after church. I wanted to spend some quality time alone with them. Bonding time is important in step-families…even when the kids are all grown up. I’m so excited…I can hardly wait!

\n

I told you I would let you know if I slept well again when I practiced handing everything over to God before bed. Well, I did and it was amazing how fast I fell asleep…and stayed asleep all night. I think I’m onto something here!

\n

We haven’t been to church for two weeks because of bad weather. I can hardly wait to get there today…twice! Have a blessed Sunday, dear ones. I’ll see you this evening for Sunday Night Prayer Circle. ❤️

\n
“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.”\n

Proverbs 17:6 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-27T02:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/27/building-up-my-stash.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/25/thoughts-on-conflict-fear.html", "title": "Thoughts on Conflict \u0026 Fear", "content_html": "

\"Proverbs “Look for the gold in people. There’s enough dirt in the world.”

\n

The other day, we touched on conflicts and how to resolve them peacefully. We all have seen our fair share of conflict in our lives and had dealt with it in the best way we knew how with the knowledge we had at the time. Sometimes it’s worked out ok…sometimes not. The good thing is, we can always continue to learn and grow and get better at the sticking points in life.

\n

When you are dealing with marriage, here is the single most important thing I have learned. When you find yourself frustrated with your spouse…and you WILL at some point…mind your tongue when you are talking about him with others. If all you do is spout negative things, it won’t be long till that is all you will ever see in him/her. It doesn’t take long to go from speaking these things to outsiders to berating your spouse with all the things they do that tick you off. I can guarantee you…if you feed that beast, it’s all you’ll get back.

\n

I learned with Mr. Virgo…once I started to notice something he did that bugged me, that was a sign I wasn’t praying for him enough. Same for Mr. FixIt. We all need grace. It’s a wonderful habit to practice with your spouse or other family members.

\n

I had Bible study last night. We talked a little bit after last week’s study about the book “Goliath Must Fall” by Louie Giglio. Last night’s “giant” was FEAR. The first question we were asked was…”How well do you sleep?” Wow. Sometimes really well. Those are the times when things are going well and I really don’t have much to worry about. Other times, I lie awake all night long, staring at the ceiling, working something over and over, turning it this way and that, puzzling over how to…what? Fix it. Manipulate it. Control it. I rehearse conversations ahead of time with not only my dialogue, but that of the other’s as well. As if I have some sort of control over how another person thinks, acts, or responds. 

\n

Sometimes I lie there and worry about an event that isn’t going to happen for eight months. “Will I have the extra weight off before the wedding? What will I wear? What happens if it’s really hot. I don’t do well in heat.” All I have accomplished in that scenario is set myself up for failure and robbed myself of sleep and God’s joy.

\n

Last night’s lesson was this…when you lay down to sleep and the things to worry about start lining up…just hand them over to God and go to sleep. He loves you no matter what. He’s bigger than all of the giants. Trust him to work on your problems while you’re asleep. Then you awaken refreshed and can live in God’s Glory.

\n

There is a fine line between anger and fear. Giving your conflicts to God, praying for others, letting go of your fears…all elements that can help lead to a peaceful night’s sleep. ❤️

\n
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”\n

Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-25T02:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/25/thoughts-on-conflict-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Anger","Fear","Forgiveness","Warning","Choices","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/24/precious-memories.html", "title": "Precious Memories", "content_html": "

\"Mom\" “My precious mother…gone fifteen years now. I miss her so much.”

\n

Fifteen years ago today, my precious mom left us unexpectedly. She had been ill for only five days, refusing to go to the hospital as she had no one to watch my brother. He has cerebral palsy and always had lived at home with her. She was fiercely protective of him. She died of multiple pulmonary emboli…blood clots in the lungs. If she would have had proper medical care, I believe she would have lived longer. Then again, perhaps it was her time to go. Either way, as those of you know who have lost your mother, it is a dreadfully difficult thing to go through.

\n

I posted some pictures on my Instagram account (@GriefMaven) yesterday and the setting is such that they also posted here. I entered them in Apple’s photo contest for pictures shot with an iPhone. One of the pictures is of my grandma’s house, which was also my mom’s house growing up. I believe she was a teenager when they moved there. Before that, they lived in the old home place back on the hill.

\n

Mom and her siblings walked down off that hill every day and from the time they went to high school, rode the bus twenty-eight miles each way, then walked back up the hill when they got home. It was a hardscrabble life for Mom and her family as they lived off the land…six kids, Grandma and Pop-Pop, an old milk cow and a horse to plow. Pop-Pop worked in the shop down the road…welding, fixing things, delivering pop, working on trucks for the oil fields.

\n

We went to the farm yesterday. I sat quietly in the living room, listening to the old house speak to me in a language I have heard since my earliest days. My eyes ran over the old linoleum on the floor, its pattern looking like carpet, faded and worn through in places. The sheers on the windows let the pale light from late afternoon highlight the dust motes in the air. The familiar smell of wood and old cotton and gas stove comforting me as I remembered so many days shared with her there.

\n

My friend Sharon, who is also a newly discovered distant cousin, saw the picture of Grandma’s house here yesterday and said it brought tears to her eyes. She said it made her think of an oldtimey tune her mother used to sing as she did her household chores. She posted a link, but I’m going to share it here as well. In honor of Wanda Belle…my mom, my friend, my champion. I loved her so…I miss her still. 

\n

Precious Memories…how they linger…

\n

❤️

\n

youtu.be/JUiqncJE_…

\n
“\"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.\"”\n

Proverbs 31:29 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-24T02:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/24/precious-memories.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Prayer","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Love","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/22/action-v-reaction.html", "title": "Action v. Reaction", "content_html": "

\"MLK\" “The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr.”

\n

Growing up in the chaos of alcoholic dysfunction made me a reactionary from an early age. There was a lot of anger in my home growing up. Lots of fighting, yelling, slamming, throwing, crashing. I never witnessed my father hitting my mother. He only hit me once. When he did, he came at me from behind and I stood up to him. I stuck my chin out and told him, if he was going to hit me he’d better hit me like a man and do it face to face. I’ll never forget the utter look of defeat on his face in that moment. He dropped his fist to his side, went over to the steps, sat down, and cried. He never went after me again. But, the damage was done. It was done long before that day.

\n

I learned to be the peacemaker. To smooth things over. To mediate when things got out of hand. I was the bystander. I acted. Unfortunately, when the anger was directed at me, I reacted. I automatically went into defense mode. I made excuses. I deflected. I diverted attention. I manipulated. It was decidedly unhealthy and took far too many years to come to a head.

\n

The first pivotal moment of my life…that moment when there is a definite line in the sand that separates “all things before” from “all things after” was the overdose. That was when I really did the work necessary to effect permanent change in my life. It’s when I learned about codependency. Before that, there was no clear boundary to define where others ended and I began. I was too busy weaving a web that would hold everything together.

\n

Learning about boundaries was a love-hate exercise. I loved finding my voice and standing up for myself. I hated confrontation. I loved the release healthy boundaries gave me because I didn’t have to try to run everyone else’s lives for them. I hated feeling like a fish out of water. 

\n

It took a lot of practice. It still does. I still have to remind myself occasionally that I don’t do anyone any favors by not setting boundaries and demand they are respected. I didn’t spend seven hard years in therapy for nothing. Fortunately, Mr. Virgo came into the picture after I had these skills in place and he offered an excellent practice field. 

\n

After sixty-five trips around the sun, I’ve learned enough to know it’s a whole lot easier to carry love than it is anger, hate, discord, dysfunction, or codependency. When I approach any situation from a place of love, my walk becomes more Christ-like. And anytime I lead with “What would Jesus do?”, I am already winning. Conflict is inevitable in life. The only control we have is in how we react to it. ❤️

\n
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”\n

Galatians 1:10 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-22T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/22/action-v-reaction.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Peace","Wisdom","Anger","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/20/the-poet-from-darkness-into.html", "title": "The Poet - From Darkness into Light", "content_html": "

\"Meme\" “Think before you speak. Read before you think.”

\n
\"maybe death isn’t darkness, after all, but so much light wrapping itself around us — as soft as feathers\"\n

~ Mary Oliver

\nHow I let a treasure like Mary Oliver slip through my fingers, I’ll never know. It’s an excellent example of realizing how very much I do not know. The internet has been filled with loving tributes to this gentle woman with the expansive heart…her pen trimming away the excesses of flowery verse and going straight for the pit of your stomach. Her words are like magic…painting pictures of love and kindness and tenderness. Nature was her cathedral. Poetry was her torch.

\n

Oliver loved Whitman and Emerson, Shelley and Keats. Growing up in a dysfunctional home in Ohio, she ultimately settled in the wilds of New England, wandering through her woods and harbor…taking notes and penning phrases along the way. She has been compared to Emily Dickinson. Her poetry is filled with both darkness and joyous light. Her life partner, Molly Malone Cook, was her constant companion for over forty years, as well as her literary agent. After Molly’s death in 2005, Oliver continued on in Provincetown, Massachusetts until finally relocating to Florida. She rarely gave interviews because she valued her personal privacy and wished for her work to speak for itself. Mary Jane Oliver passed away on January 17, 2019 of lymphoma. And the world lost a valuable treasure.

\n

In researching Oliver’s work, I became introspective. How often do we think, once we have arrived at “a certain age”, that we somehow have attained a level of knowledge that we can, at the very least, term “well rounded”? I know a little bit about a lot of stuff, but there is SO much out there I haven’t a clue about. We cannot possibly learn everything, but how sad that I didn’t know Mary Oliver and her brilliant poetry during times in my life it might have soothed my heart. How joyful that I still have the opportunities to continue learning and growing.

\n

We are but a sum of our life’s experiences, are we not? The other night, I had a troubling dream. A recurring dream about a hopeless situation which will never be resolved nor totally understood. Not in this lifetime anyway. And whenever I have this dream, I am left feeling an ache in my heart…bereft over a loss I had little control over. It leaves me out of sorts for days and colors my every interaction, thus leaving the stains of old hurts smeared onto others who have no knowledge of my pain. It’s unfair and senseless. As I drove to town yesterday, I had a conversation with God. I asked Him to please step in and be an intermediary…to block this dream, and even the thoughts of the events that precipitate it. To take away the memories that come back and haunt me year after year. As I pleaded with God, I literally felt the old, familiar ache physically leave my heart. A weight was lifted and the cloud in my mind dissipated. I immediately thanked Him. Then…I let it go. 

\n

Poetry. Prose. Words. Prayers. God. They have such power to release you from the bondage of the past…if you let them. If you feel them and taste them and speak them. They can breathe life back into the sore places of your soul. ❤️

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“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”\n

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 ESV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-20T02:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/20/the-poet-from-darkness-into.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Writing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/17/building-a-better-bath.html", "title": "Building a Better Bath", "content_html": "

\"\" “Master Bath seems to be a bit of a misnomer when it comes to this tiny closet of a room.”

\n

For those of you who have been following me for some time, you may remember when I helped a friend redo her bathroom. In that case, the man who she had arranged to do the work got as far as the demo and skipped out because it was “too cold outside to come over”. She called me desperate and asked if I could help. I have considerable experience after having remodeled my mom’s house before I sold it, so I jumped at the chance. I love doing fix-it kinda stuff.

\n

That bathroom turned out really great, if I do say so myself. Between the two of us, we had that thing knocked out in less than a month and it was beautiful when it was done. When I moved into Mr. FixIt’s house, the bathroom off the master bedroom was gutted. It has taken us a bit of time to get to the point of tackling this particular job because outdoor stuff kept taking precedence. And, now I know how Mr. FixIt felt the first time we went camping together. I wouldn’t let him do anything with the hooking up and unhooking of the camper. I did the driving. He just came along for the ride. Such is my participation in this home improvement project. 

\n

My job appears to be that of “hold this here.” Now, don’t get me wrong…I love a man that is handy with power tools. AND I love to work with power tools, too. Now I know what he felt like when I told him to just sit over there and look pretty. It’s ok. I don’t really mind. I love helping him in any way I can. I try really hard not to tell him what to do when he doesn’t do something the way I would do it. I’ve learned to excuse myself when I’m getting too bossy and go work on something else till he needs me again. I’m learning how to do new things like building in support structures between floor joists where the shower is going. Once you have learned to be independent and do things for yourself, especially when you love building things, it’s not easy to back off and let someone else have the reins. Learning to be a couple again…give and take…relinquishing control…almost feels like new skills.

\n

We are a good team, Mr. FixIt and me. Thank goodness he has infinite patience! ❤️

\n
“May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.”\n

Romans 15:5-6 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-17T02:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/17/building-a-better-bath.html", "tags": ["Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/15/the-difference-between-with-and.html", "title": "The Difference Between “With” and “Without”", "content_html": "

\"Arid “The Difference Between With and Without”

\n

I rarely write a post about a specific scripture. I usually write something then find the scripture that best illustrates my thinking. It makes me search more. It makes me read more and study the Word more. It keeps me engaged. This post is different. I was chatting with Danielle the night I was asking her questions about her addiction and overdose. When I told her how happy I was she was getting her life together at 24, I shared my story and told her I felt robbed of nearly a decade of my life. She shared a scripture with me and I made note of it. I have meditated on it for over a week and now I’m ready to share it.

\n

I have always believed in God so therefore, I have never lived a day without Him. I will have to say though…Jesus didn’t live in MY house until 2004. By that time, I had already gone through two broken marriages. I had two beautiful daughters. And one broken mind.

\n

I didn’t realize how desolate my life had become. I just knew I was shriveling up and dying on the vine. I became broken in my second marriage and, for whatever reason, we couldn’t seem to end it. We became more and more distant and I self-medicated in order to cope. Unfortunately, I was seeing a psychiatrist who did more harm than good and I couldn’t seem to end that either.

\n

I knew what I needed. I needed Jesus. But I was married to a Jewish doctor. I took my little girl to Hebrew School every week. I organized all the Jewish celebrations in our small town. I had formally converted to Judaism. I had actually stood before a Beth Din…the Jewish tribunal court…and renounced Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. 

\n

“Jesus would NEVER want me now.” I thought to myself.

\n

Toward the end of that marriage, I laid in bed every night and talked to God. I told him, if anything happened to my husband, I would become a Christian. I consoled myself with thoughts of singing in church…of praying…of reading my Bible. But I just couldn’t do that AND be married to the Jewish doctor. He would leave me.

\n

Little did I know he’d been thinking of leaving for at least five years before he told me. I was hurt. But I was also angry. If we could have both been brave and honest, we could have avoided the pain of the last five to seven years and gotten on with our lives. It would have had far less of an impact on my children…especially Daughter #2 who was just nine years old when I overdosed and we subsequently ended our marriage.

\n

I felt robbed. Robbed of time. Robbed of happiness. Robbed of my marriage. And robbed of the Joy of having Jesus in my life…although I couldn’t articulate it as such at the time. When Danielle quoted Joel 2:25, my jaw dropped. It spoke of Redemption. It spoke of Replenishment. It spoke of Fulfillment. And the thing that spoke most to my heart was…the end of shame.

\n

I was raised by a father who used shame as his preferred tool of control. Blame and shame were my lifelong companions, and renouncing Jesus had become the number one shame of my life. Before I even realized I needed Him, I was yearning for His unconditional love. Thankfully, I was saved and forgiven and made new. I didn’t have to wait for anything…I just needed to get out of my own way.

\n

I loved the fact that as I ministered to Danielle, she ministered to me and told me God would repay me for the years the locusts ate. And He has…oh, my goodness. He has repayed me many, many times over. Far more than I ever deserved. As the calendar turned to another year, I could feel a shift in my relationship with God. No longer a “baby Christian”, I feel I have moved from an observer AT church to BEING the church. It’s a change in perspective and feels like a new level of maturity. It’s hard to describe, but I feel it and I believe it to be real. This is one of the wonders of walking with Christ. I’ve left the arid, desolate landscape of “without” and I’m walking in the lush, verdant landscape of “with”. ❤️

\n
“I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you. \"You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you. And my people shall never again be put to shame. You shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God and there is none else. And my people shall never again be put to shame.”\n

Joel 2:25-27 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-15T02:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/15/the-difference-between-with-and.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/14/the-water-crisis.html", "title": "The Water Crisis", "content_html": "

\"Running “If a crisis occurred and you didn’t have modern conveniences…would you know what to do?”

\n

An alert went out to a good portion of the residents of my home town Thursday evening. There was a boil water advisory. This happens when there has been a water main break or something of the like. It seldom lasts more than a day. Not this one. What started out as “north of the Kanawha River” became “all PUD customers” overnight. Water was coming out of faucets anywhere from clear to partly cloudy to brown. Some people had no pressure at all. Others had a dribble. Still others seemed unaffected but a ban is a ban. 

\n

It was interesting to watch Facebook as people became more and more concerned. There really wasn’t a very good explanation given to allay the fears of the citizenry. And, given we live in Chemical Valley, imaginations ran wild. It really could have been anything. Some said it was still ok to shower. Some said not. Others said it was ok to wash your clothes but when they did, large brown spots stained them. Now, I’ll have to admit…this situation did not affect me personally because we live out in the country away from that particular city water system. But, I’ve lived through things like this many times and it is not only a major inconvenience….it can be downright scary.

\n

It happened fairly often in Colorado. Just about every year when the spring runoff brought an over abundance of silt down into the city water intake, the filters were soon overwhelmed and our water got murky. There would often be a boil water advisory. My cousin has to haul water to fill a cistern since they live on the side of a mountain here in West Virginia. When they get a good hard rain, their water turns a murky reddish-brown. Out at the farm, there is a rainwater catchment system in place, but it’s been decades since the cistern has been cleaned or the filter changed. The point being, there are lots of folks who have to boil water on a regular basis. Or they just resort to buying water or taking empty jugs to a family member’s house to refill them. That’s what I did after Mr. FixIt and I started dating. I had about a dozen one gallon jugs I threw in my truck and I filled them when I visited him in town.

\n

For those of us more accustomed to living a more primitive life, these things are par for the course and you just roll with them. But city people who rely on the immediate availability of fresh water at the turn of the faucet get rattled. I don’t blame them. We are creatures of habit and we become complacent in our consumption of utilities. This is such a first world problem. So much of the world’s population has no access to fresh water, let alone electricity, gas, internet, phone, and groceries. 

\n

What would (will?) happen to us if the unthinkable happens and it all goes away??? Will you know how to collect and filter water? Will you know how to produce and preserve food? Will you be able to provide housing and clothing for yourself and your family? Will you be able to gather fuel to cook and keep warm? Do you have skills or goods for bartering? I worry that the last generation to really have those skills is getting too old to provide them. So, here is what I posit. If you have skills, pass them on to young people…your children, grandchildren, great grandchildren. 

\n

This isn’t meant to cause an alarmist response. I don’t think something like this is imminent. But it cannot hurt to stock up on some extra jugs of water in case there is an emergency in your area. Parkersburg’s boil advisory wasn’t lifted until last evening. That made three full days without tap water for a pretty good-sized town. I’m not saying you have to go full on survivalist, but knowledge is power. Be prepared…or as prepared as you can be. ❤️

\n
“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.”\n

Proverbs 27:1 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-14T02:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/14/the-water-crisis.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Warning","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/12/the-dark-corners.html", "title": "The Dark Corners", "content_html": "

\"Wisp “We are but a wisp of smoke when we are gone…shadowy memories that cling to us like curls of smoke.”

\n

I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. Nothing major…just a follow up on something we’re keeping an eye on. Aside from the boring green floral upholstery on the chairs, there were some unmemorable pieces of what would pass for art. You can go in any medical office in America and see the same room. Rather than pick up germy, outdated magazines, I pulled my knitting out of my bag to get a few rows in before my name was called.

\n

As I stitched, my mind was drawn to the television hanging in the corner of the room in front of me. Our local hospital is affiliated with WVU Medical Center and the TV plays an endless loop of PR stories…physicians and patient profiles that demonstrate the different specialties and what they can achieve. 

\n

As I knit two, perl two, something caught my attention. A woman was on the screen talking about her husband. He had arrived home early from work and decided to take the dog and go for a run. She continued to shop on the computer when he returned in moments saying he didn’t feel well. Her nurse mode kicked in and she realized he didn’t look well. She checked his pulse and to her horror, realized he was having a heart attack. She got him down on the floor and implored him to stay awake. He said he was trying and with that, lost consciousness. She began CPR while trying to dial 911, shouting to the phone on the floor to send an ambulance right away.

\n

It was my story all over again. 

\n

I found myself gripping the knitting needles, willing the man to breathe, to wake up, to not leave his wife alone to clean up the mess of death…to stay a little longer so she wouldn’t feel what I felt. While I was relieved to hear he made it, there was that familiar pang of “Why me? My MY man?”

\n

Tears stung my eyes…to my surprise.

\n

I don’t let myself go there very often anymore. It’s like a photo album and I know what the pictures inside look like, but I don’t necessarily need to get it down and view it very often. It’s just easier on me if I don’t go there. 

\n

And, besides…I’m married again. Aren’t I not supposed to grieve another when I have this wonderful man in my life now? I don’t grieve like I once did. That is a GOOD thing. That is the way it should be. But just know this: There will be times, there will be moments, there will be events that will trigger you and, no matter how happy you are and your life is vastly improved, you’ll still “go there”. This is normal and I want you to know that. I want you to be gentle with yourself. Don’t feel guilty. Feel your feels cause they’re as real as real can be. You never stop loving…you start loving more. And gradually, you begin hurting a little less, and a little less, and a little less till you put the photo album up on the shelf. ❤️

\n
“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants.”\n

Psalm 116:15 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-12T02:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/12/the-dark-corners.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Grace","Love","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/10/johnny-jaxxa-story-of-devotion.html", "title": "Johnny \u0026 Jaxx...A Story of Devotion", "content_html": "

\"Doggy “Rosie (L), Jaxx (C), and Johnny Boy (R) celebrate Johnny’s 4th Gotcha Day!”

\n

We talk a lot here about death and dying, loss and grief. We talk about losing our parents…aunts…uncles…cousins, our siblings, our children, our friends, and our spouses. We don’t talk a whole lot here about when we lose our beloved fur-babies…those wonderful fur-covered angels that grace us with their presence for a few short years, only to be yanked away far, far too soon.

\n

Losing our beloved pets affects most of us the same way as losing a human member of the family. Our hearts break. We grieve. We are lost. We get the same brain fog. The same yearning. If you are an animal lover and have ever been fortunate enough to share your life with a companion animal, then you know what I am saying is true.

\n

\"Sick “Johnny Boy arrived so sick with Parvovirus we didn’t think he would live.”

\n

My first dog as an adult was an Aussie/Blue Heeler mix named Boofer. She was brilliant. The only dog I truly did not have to train. I just talked to her and she knew exactly what I wanted from her. And she would do her level best to please me. She had to be put down at the young age of seven after a diagnosis of a pituitary tumor. We managed her symptoms with medication as long as we could but when she went blind, it was time to set her free.

\n

Animal owners know their time with their fur-babies is limited. Boofer was gone too soon. Old Mama Kitty was at least 23-24 years old. Sidney was 14…a big, goofy black lab who owned my heart during a really dark period of my life. Mr. Virgo showed up with a 10-year-old Yorkie/Maltese mix named Cricket who lived to be seventeen. She died just three months before Mr. Virgo did. That was my last dog. I just didn’t have it in me to do it again and my lifestyle isn’t conducive to pet ownership.

\n

\"Boxer “Johnny Boy is absolutely CRAZY over kittens! He has to have one…always!”

\n

My friend Aimee is the Grande Dame of animal rescues. If it moves and squeaks, oinks, meows, moos, neighs, or barks…Aimee has to bring it home. Her husband rolls his eyes when another goat or chicken or rabbit or puppy makes an appearance at their West Virginia homestead. It’s all a show…he adores Aimee and if she needs to rescue another dog, she rescues another dog. As she says…she married well.

\n

Four years ago, Aimee fostered little Johnny Boy…a mastiff-boxer mix who was dreadfully thin. They soon found he was also dreadfully sick. Johnny nearly died….several times…of parvovirus and parasites and any number of problems. They went to every length to save this little guy’s life. When he got through the initial illness, Johnny Boy started having trouble walking. His joints became swollen and painful. They finally discovered he had a very rare disease of the epiphyseal joints in his legs. After a trip to the State Veterinary School in Columbus, a treatment was finally found and Johnny boy began to thrive and grow. 

\n

Then, just before the holidays, Aimee found hundreds of little bumps under Johnny’s skin. Again, Johnny Boy does nothing halfway and it took quite some doing to get a diagnosis. When they did, it was not good. It was a rare cancer and there is nothing they can do for him. So, Aimee decided Johnny Boy’s end of life would include the very best days ever. 

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\"Bonded “Johnny & Jaxx…BFF’s Forever!”

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A few months ago, Johnny’s BFF…Jaxx…moved to Florida with his human person. And Johnny was devastated. When they found out Johnny Boy doesn’t have a long time to live, Jaxx’s owner drove him from Florida and left him in Aimee’s care for as long as Johnny needs him. Johnny and Jaxx are insanely bonded. I mean…they FaceTime each other. Seriously!

\n

The other night, Aimee threw Johnny Boy a four year “Gotcha Party” to celebrate and Johnny, Jaxx, and Rosie donned their party hats and sat in the little chairs around the table. They ate scrambled eggs for supper and had Pupcake for dessert. I loved watching the video!

\n

Aimee posted a video yesterday that shows Johnny having a little trouble breathing. His type of tumor releases histamines and they make his nasal passages swell which in turn makes it difficult to breathe. She knows this is the beginning of the end. And, trust me, she will never let Johnny Boy suffer. When it is his time, she will let him go peacefully. In the meantime, she suffers the anticipatory grief knowing Johnny’s time on earth is short. Yet, she shares him with us…and with Jaxx. I SO love this crazy mutt who came in and stole all our hearts and showed us what loving a rescue is all about. He truly is made of love and sunshine. ❤️

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“The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”\n

Proverbs 12:10 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-10T02:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/10/johnny-jaxxa-story-of-devotion.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/08/transformation.html", "title": "Transformation", "content_html": "

\"God “God often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad of our greatest calling.”

\n

Grief comes in a variety of circumstances. My first experience with grief was when my Pop-Pop died just after I graduated from high school. I was devastated. I lost a job I desperately needed when Hubby #2 was in his first year of Medical School. The rehab center where I worked was experiencing some financial difficulties and I was let go. I felt it was personal until the next month when fifty more staff members were given their walking papers. I guess misery DOES love company. I grieved deeply over that loss because I loved the job, for one thing. For another, I was young and had never experienced anything like that. My next major grief experience was the overdose and subsequent loss of my marriage and the alienation of my children. That was horrifying. Then I lost my grandma, my dog, and Mr. Virgo in less than a year.

\n

Every time I’ve faced grief, I’ve thought my world would end. I couldn’t figure out how to live after those losses. And every time, I survived. Not only survived, but eventually thrived. I learned skills from coping with grief. Grief chiseled me into the person I have become. And as painful as it was to go through, God came in and used that pain as a launching pad of my greatest calling…my mission, as it were. 

\n

I’ve been having some meetings and there are exciting changes coming in 2019. Nothing I can talk about yet, but I can see God’s hand all over it. I was talking about it with Mr. FixIt the other night and told him I’ve been praying for these exact things…I have to walk forward into this new territory. Don’t worry…I’m not going anywhere. Just more fun and excitement I can’t wait to share with you all! ❤️

\n
“Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We’re free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.”\n

2 Corinthians 3:16-18 MSG

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-08T02:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/08/transformation.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/07/january-bluebirds.html", "title": "January Bluebirds", "content_html": "

\"Mountain “Mountain Bluebirds are glorious in January!”

\n

I don’t know about where you are, but here in West Virginia, the weather has been lovely. We have had three days straight of sunshine and near fifty degrees. When Mr. FixIt and I left church yesterday, we both let out an audible sigh.

\n

“Ok, this IS a beautiful day, isn’t it?” I love that my sweet husband notices such things and really FEELS them.

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“Yes,” I said. “I can get through a West Virginia winter if I just have a few days like this to lift me up.”

\n

That is one thing about Colorado, besides my wonderful family, that I miss desperately. Plenty of sunshine days in the Rocky Mountains. And there truly is nothing more beautiful than Mountain Bluebirds on the crisp white of snow.

\n

My friend, Roxanne Morris, is an incredibly talented artist and photographer. She caught these images yesterday and I asked if I could share them with you. They make me smile. Mr. Virgo has brought me bluebirds from the beginning. He knew how much I loved them. I cannot see them without thinking of him. And, since yesterday was my re-birthday, it was only fitting that he send me bluebirds…albeit through my friend’s lens and Facebook. These are COLORADO bluebirds. These are the same as the ones that fly around his grave when I go visit him. 

\n

\"Mountain “The flash of blue against the crisp, white snow of Colorado makes Mountain Bluebirds a favorite.”

\n

I marveled all day yesterday at the vast differences in my life now compared to the same day nineteen years ago. I stood in church and sang with great joy and enthusiasm. I held hands with my sweet husband. We enjoyed breakfast together after church. We shared some time at the farm. And we came home to the Ponderosa. I spoke to Daughter #1 and she told me she loves me and misses me. I chatted with Daughter #2 and we shared our love. I received a text from Hubby #2…the one to whom I was married at the time of the overdose. It was a lovely text with pictures of their dogs and he was joyful and there was no mention of the past and my heart filled with love and joy for our healing. And, to top it all off, Mr. Virgo’s beloved Eagles won the wild card game yesterday. So, yeah…he’s happy, too. And still sending me bluebirds. ❤️

\n
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.\n

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.””

\n

Jeremiah 29:11, 13-14 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-07T02:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/07/january-bluebirds.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Forgiveness","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/06/the-pivoting-point.html", "title": "The Pivoting Point", "content_html": "
\n\"Snow\n\n
\nWhen I woke up the morning of January 6, 2000...I had no idea I had spent the last night of my life in Hubby #2’s bed. Because, it very nearly became the ACTUAL last night of my life. In about 12 hours, I was going to be in the ER fighting for my life after an overdose. \n

This is the day that I refer to as my re-birthday. It was the day I hit rock bottom and had to start navigating my way back up. It wasn’t like I really wanted to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. Everything had become so painful.

\n

I used to tell the details of this day over and over and over to anyone who would sit still. I told about my relationship to a man who wasn’t taking care of me the way I needed. He’s not a bad man at all. Years of illness and my altered personality from all those drugs had taken their toll on both of us. I told about the psychiatrist who misdiagnosed me as having a chemical imbalance in my brain. I told about how my life experiences, including episodes of childhood sexual abuse, had created the perfect storm that produced that fateful day. 

\n

It’s nineteen years now. So close to two decades. Not quite one third of my life has passed. SO much has happened in those nineteen years, including burying my next husband. I am a sum of my experiences, as we all are. But, I am not DEFINED by those experiences anymore.

\n

The person I am today doesn’t resemble who I was back then. The only cells that are the same ones now that were present on that night at the turn of the millennium are neurons…the very cells I was trying to shut off. Everything else has been made new…both physically with the passage of time, and spiritually with my salvation. 

\n

The value of the story has changed. I no longer want you to take sides with me and hate my ex-husband. I no longer want to make excuses for my behaviors. I no longer want you to feel sorry for me. These things were all present for some time in the retelling. Now, the value of the story isn’t so much the yardstick that measures how far I’ve come, but more a testimony that…no matter how far you’ve gone down the wrong path…you can turn around and have a better life.

\n

While my abuse came from prescriptions, and Danielle’s (see my post about her earlier this week) came from street drugs and a needle, we are no different. We were both addicted and we were both saved by the same Grace. We were both snatched from the jaws of death by a loving and forgiving God. He didn’t cause our problems, but he did allow us to walk through them so we could learn and grow into the purpose He designed for our lives.

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It’s hard for me to believe that was me…that I was that far gone. I will tell you this, though…I will forever tell how Jesus picked me up and carried me when I stumbled and fell on January 6, 2000. ❤️

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“so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”\n

Isaiah 55:11 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-06T02:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/06/the-pivoting-point.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/04/snatched-from-the-jaws-of.html", "title": "Snatched From the Jaws of Death", "content_html": "

\"Young “She was snatched from the jaws of addiction and saved by the Blood of Jesus.”

\n

She’s just twenty-four. Yet she was addicted to heroin for six years. And occasionally she did meth. On April 14th, she overdosed on both and landed in the ICU for four days on life support. She wasn’t even out of the ER when she popped up on my radar. I’m in a small group at church with someone who knows Danielle very well. The text came in begging for prayers to save this beautiful girl.

\n

And pray we did. Our whole church prayed for her. Actively. Daily. There were prayer warriors stationed at the hospital. There were friends and family talking with her. They wanted to connect her with someone who could help her in this fight. And they wanted Jesus in Danielle’s corner.

\n

She resisted, as you might imagine. At first she said she’d talk to him. Then she wouldn’t. And finally, just before discharge, she relented. I’m unsure of the exact timeline, but I know it wasn’t long till this beautiful girl was saved in a parking lot with many prayers surrounding her.

\n

The change that has come over Danielle is remarkable. When you see her today, and see the light of Jesus on her, it is so hard to imagine her shooting heroin into her veins. She has attended a faith-based residential program three times. These weren’t three dropouts. This was three separate sessions. Because, as anyone who has been set free of the demon of addiction can tell you, it’s never a one and done situation. It is a life-long learning process. And she is committed.

\n

A couple of days ago, Danielle took a plane to Hawaii to attend discipleship training. When she arrived, her luggage was somewhere in Dallas. When she got to the campus to check in, she found out there had been a miscommunication and she was short on funds…four figures short on funds. She reached out to her church family and we raised the funds in about three hours. There is no way to hide God’s work in this. And it is so obvious the enemy doesn’t like it. He tried to throw a wrench in the works at every turn but our God is a mighty God. It wasn’t long till the enemy was put in his place.

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Last night, I watched War Room. I’ve always considered myself to be…if not a prayer warrior…then at the very least, a fervent prayer. Oh, my…that movie has me planning a War Room of my own! People like Danielle remind us of the power of prayer. I am so proud of her hard work and her willingness to keep plugging at this. I can’t wait to see what she learns in discipleship training. I cant wait to see what God has in store for her! I’m so happy God plucked her from the jaws of death because I know He has plans for her…to prosper her and not to harm her. ❤️

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“I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses.”\n

2 Corinthians 12:1-5 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-04T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/04/snatched-from-the-jaws-of.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/03/we-rise-by-lifting-others.html", "title": "We Rise by Lifting Others Up", "content_html": "

\"Meme\" “Blowing out someone else’s candle won’t make yours shine brighter. Remember that.”

\n

Have you ever had someone in your life that went out of their way to put you down? Of course you have. We all have. I was in a long term relationship that was like that. Comments like, “You aren’t wearing THAT are you?” “Well, THAT was stupid!” These things take a toll on you after a while. It took a long time, and a great deal of therapy, to learn those things were said by a person who was egotistical but still suffered emotional injuries from a less than demonstrative childhood.

\n

It happened with my dad. It happened with most of the men I’ve been involved with. Men who suffer so they must make YOU suffer in order to feel better about themselves. The wounds run deep.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I have a different kind of relationship than I’ve ever experienced. I am much more free to express my feelings with him than I have been with anyone else. I think part of that is age. Part is setting the ground rules early in the relationship that we can say anything. I’m still learning how to govern that. Too much freedom and some things come out sounding unkind. Many a truth was said in jest.

\n

We rise by lifting others up. I know from experience what that constant needling feels like and I don’t ever want my sweetheart to feel less than loved to the max. At the same time, there are moments in any relationship when you have to blow off steam. That’s fine, as long as you fight fair. Life is just so darned short. I want to really live it…not walk on eggshells like I did in the past. 

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I pray every day that I will give my very best to my husband and my family, to my friends and acquaintances. I strive to be my best self, but I don’t beat myself up when I fall short. I just try again the next day. It’s called being human. ❤️

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“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”\n

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-03T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/03/we-rise-by-lifting-others.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/01/out-with-the-oldin-with.html", "title": "Out With the Old...In With the New", "content_html": "

\"Foggy “It was a foggy, rainy day in West Virginia for the last day of 2018.

\n

My word for last year was “presence”. I think, overall, I did a pretty good job keeping my focus in the here and now. Nothing I can change in the past, and worrying about tomorrow is a complete waste of time. I know the other day I said my word for the New Year was going to be joy, but after giving it a great deal of thought, I decided “HOPE” was far more appropriate. 

\n

Hope is such a gift. I remember the first year after losing Mr. Virgo, I really felt hopeless. I really looked forward to the new year because I could say, “My husband died last year.” As if that sleight of hand would magically make everything better. It didn’t. And I was perplexed that it did not.

\n

Hope. Hope is a gift from God. I have great hope…a seemingly endless supply. I have enough that I will share it by the bucketloads in the coming year. And, when I speak, I will be mindful to instill hope in others through my speech and actions. 

\n

A year is gone, another ushered in to replace it. May this be a year of peace, of love, of good health, and abundant hope. May you always have enough. ❤️

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“Even those who are young grow weak; young people can fall exhausted. But those who trust in the LORD for help will find their strength renewed. They will rise on wings like eagles; they will run and not get weary; they will walk and not grow weak.”\n

Isaiah 40:30-31 GNB

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-01T02:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/01/out-with-the-oldin-with.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/23/a-starting-point.html", "title": "A Starting Point", "content_html": "

\"The “We found this channel on Dish Network that shows nothing but a wood burning fireplace with the snaps and pops. We had it on all afternoon while I knitted. It was awesome…and no dirt or smells!”

\n

I was reading a tweet yesterday from a woman who struggled with an eating disorder. It embarrassed and frustrated her so every day she told herself, “Tomorrow, I will begin to address this and heal.” She told herself that for twenty years before she finally did something.

\n

We are faced with situations all the time which need our attention and we justify waiting. People won’t get a housekeeper in to help till they get the house clean. I never understood that, because…isn’t that what you’re getting the housekeeper for in the first place? People won’t lose weight (myself included) because we’ll just wait till after Thanksgiving or after Christmas, or…or…or… The list goes on and on. 

\n

Faith. Faith can be a huge struggle. A lot of churches don’t seem to really welcome you till you look more like they do. Till you act more like they do. But what if you’re a jacked up dysfunctional human like so many of us? “Oh, I’ll go to church when I conquer this addiction.” “I can’t go to church…I don’t have good enough clothes to be seen with those nice people.” “They don’t want someone like me down there.” That’s the same as the housekeeper theory. It doesn’t make sense.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I went to church last night for Christmas service and Pastor Justin gave three simple tips for getting started on whatever issue you are having…no matter how difficult it is. 

\n
    \n
  1. Start where you are.
    2. \n
\n

 You don’t have to be a certain way or get to a certain place to get started. Just start…exactly where you are in the moment. 

\n
    \n
  1. Use what you have. 
    2. \n
\n

 Do you have a talent or skill? Use that. Use it to work or to reach a goal. Use it to bridge a gap between you and others. 

\n
    \n
  1. Do what you can. 
    2. \n
\n

 You don’t have to go on a mission to Africa or build a rocket ship. Lift people up where they are. Serve in whatever capacity you can. My mission is writing this blog and speaking to church groups. Yours might be knitting prayer shawls or painting a house for a shut-in. 

\n

These three steps can be used in every day life in every situation. From raising your kids to volunteering in retirement. Let’s enjoy the holidays, help others where we can, and plan on changing our little corner of the world in 2019. One builds on the next till we can’t help but lift each other up and make this a better place to live.

\n

One way Mr. FixIt and I are going to increase our giving is a great idea I learned from Larry at the bowling alley. We see Larry at church often and he’s such a selfless giver. He told me he looks at all his $1.00 bills. In the circle on the left side is a letter. He saves the “J”, “G”, and “B” bills. Jesus, God, and Bible. Then he places one between each page of a bible and when the Bible is full, he presents it to the Pastor and they pray over it. It has become a ministry for him and Larry is now filling his fifth Bible. We picked up a Bible last night at church because we realized we need to start where we are, we need to use what we have, and we need to do what we can. 

\n

We went out to dinner after church and we were figuring the tip. Mr. FixIt was pulling out some ones and he found a “J” bill. I put my hand out and he smiled as he handed it over. We have our first bill in our Bible! ❤️

\n
“In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.”\n

Psalm 5:3 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2018-12-23T02:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/23/a-starting-point.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/17/forgiveness-equals-freedom.html", "title": "Forgiveness Equals Freedom", "content_html": "

\"Meme\" “Forgiveness=Freedom”

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I’m not sure what I expected when I became a Christian in 2004. Lightning? The parting of the sea? Enlightenment? Thunder? I do know what I received was life altering. I received a healing to my very core. I felt like every cell in my body had been made new. It was remarkable. 

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When I was a baby Christian, I was like a sponge. I knew God, and loved Him. I knew Jesus, and finally embraced Him. But, when it came to the Holy Spirit, I was clueless. I had no idea exactly who He was, how He worked, what His function was. As the years have gone by, I’ve learned more and more and have developed my relationship with the Holy Trinity. And once in a while I get a big A-Ha moment that shines a light on some aspect I didn’t understand before.

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I’ve long known and understood when the Holy Spirit talks to me. Those “nudges” that move and steer me in a certain direction are an indication of His presence. When I worship or hear a particularly moving sermon or scripture and I get goose bumps…that’s the Holy Spirit. All those years when I felt a knock on the door of my heart to let Jesus into my life? That was the Holy Spirit. I get all that now. And sometimes when I call out to Him and get the answer in moments, it reiterates just how close the Holy Spirit is….He lives inside us. He is that aspect of God that touches our hearts and minds with an intimacy only God can provide. I had that experience this weekend.

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We had lunch with some of the local residents who live near the farm. Over lunch, my elderly aunt became a topic of discussion and I recounted how difficult that time had been. Then at church yesterday, Pastor Justin spoke on forgiveness. True forgiveness breaks the chains that are holding you prisoner. I thought back to my conversation of the day before and realized, I still had a spirit of unforgiveness as I was holding some resentment and hurt in my heart over some of the things my aunt said and did while I was trying to help her. In retrospect, I was quite filled with “You have no idea what she put me through!” That resentment, however small, is the poison I keep drinking yet she is totally unharmed.

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At the end of services, Pastor Justin did an alter call and asked those to come forward who wished to let go of resentments and hurts and embrace a spirit of forgiveness. He came to each of us and laid his hands on our heads and prayed over us. I left feeling completely changed…yet again.

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Do you have someone you are harboring a spirit of unforgiveness for? Is there someone who has hurt you that has left you saying, “I’ll show you!”? If so, this is a beautiful time to just let it go. Pray for those who have hurt you. Seek ways to praise them in public for the blessings they have given you…even if that blessing is the insight you gained from their unkindness. And, this is the season of giving. Send them a card. Stick a $5 gift card for coffee or to a restaurant. Tell them, “You know, I just wanted to let you know what a blessing you have been this year.” Or “I know you’ve gone through a rough patch and I just wanted to reach out and tell you I’m thinking of you.” Forgiveness goes a long way toward uniting us. I’m not saying send a gift card to your abuser. Or even reaching out for conversation with someone who physically or emotionally abused you. But you can still pray for them. The spirit of forgiveness in you just might bring you a new level of peace and healing of your own. ❤️

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“bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”\n

Colossians 3:13 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-17T02:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/17/forgiveness-equals-freedom.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/11/kitchen-comforts.html", "title": "Kitchen Comforts", "content_html": "

\"Roses\" “Mr. FixIt brought me roses.”

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When I’m struggling with grief, a day in the kitchen does wonders for me. Mr. FixIt knew I hadn’t slept well the last couple of nights since learning the sad news of Miss Louisa passing away, so he was gracious and let me sleep in as long as I wanted to yesterday. I must say, when I awoke around 11:00, I did feel much better. I padded into the kitchen to make my coffee and greet my sweet man in the family room…steaming mug in hand.

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I snuggled into the loveseat and wrapped my blue fox blanket around me. The Christmas tree was decorated and standing to my left in front of the big picture windows. The gas stove was cranked up and putting off some decent heat. The heavy frost still laid white on the grass and trees in my view. And, amazingly, the forsythia had several bright yellow blooms on them casting a stark contrast to the grey palette of December.

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I sipped my coffee while Mr. FixIt read the paper. The TV droned quietly in the background…some fourteen year old was answering questions on a game show. I tuned it out as I stared at the decorations on the tree and took inventory of my feelings. The pain I felt when I heard the news of yet another loss was easing a little and shifting to the lonesomeness of not being able to pick up the phone and call whenever I want. It is familiar turf for me.

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After a while, I sighed and went into the bedroom to dress. Mr. FixIt put on his insulated coveralls and went outside to work a while. I carried my second cup to the living room and sat down to knit on a pair of socks. I texted my friend Gail who is touring Europe to see how she is doing. My friend Janine sent me a text to remind me she was going live at 3:00CST. I put my phone away and turned Pandora to “Traditional Christmas.” I spent the next hour or so in quiet meditation, my hands wrapping the wool yarn around the needles with the muscle memory of a skill I learned in my youth.

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I decided to mix up a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies and was pulling the last batch from the oven as Mr. FixIt came in from the cold. I turned on the kettle and he had a nice cup of tea as he ate a cookie, still warm from the oven. He watched me move around the kitchen, cleaning up the bowls and baking pans. I sensed his eyes on me. This is the relationship we delight in. I looked up from wiping the counter and he smiled.

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“You treat me so well.”

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I smiled back. A knowing smile. An appreciative smile. This is the part of him that is like Mr. Virgo. He loves and appreciates me and is quick to tell me. I love that. 

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“I like spoiling you,” I grinned. He laughed, gave me a little pat as he tucked his mug in the kitchen sink. He pulled up his coveralls and went back outside. I watched him as he walked out the door. How can a coverall make a man look that sexy? I smiled as I tucked the towel in the door handle of the oven and turned out the light. I had another hour to knit before I started supper.

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When I was at the farm the other night, I brought home a pot roast from the freezer. When it was thawed, I cut it in cubes. I put about a cup of flour in a gallon ziplock bag with some salt and pepper and dropped in the cubed roast. I tossed the meat in the flour, rubbing the pieces through the bag to ensure they were well coated then dropped them into a hot skillet with a little oil in it. When the meat had been seared on all sides, I removed it and put it in my electric pressure cooker. I put in a can of beef broth and a can of water, replaced the lid and pressure cooked the roast for 55 minutes. Once it was finished, I let it cool for about twenty minutes without releasing the pressure. I released the pressure carefully and removed the lid. The meat bubbled in a nice thickened gravy and smelled divine. I poured the meat and gravy out into a large storage container and set it on the counter. When it was cool enough, I popped it in the fridge to be used during the week for meals and sandwiches.

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Yesterday, I cooked up half a bag of egg noodles. I took out half the meat and gravy and placed it in a saucepan on low heat to warm up. I sautéed a whole package of sliced mushrooms in two tablespoons of butter. Everything was ready at the same time so I drained the pasta, and put it back in the pan, poured the beef and gravy in with the sautéed mushrooms and added 3/4 cup of sour cream. I gave it a quick stir and called Mr. FixIt to the table for supper.

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A day like that is soothing to the spirit. It reminded me that, while I miss those I have lost, I have skills in place that I did not have when I lost Mr. Virgo. It is not lost on me that I have the added blessing of this sweet man to be my companion and helpmate to love and support me as I navigate the losses. I kind of feel like I’m cheating…I don’t have to grieve alone like I did when I became a widow. That kind of grief is so much harder than this. I am grateful. ❤️

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“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.””\n

Revelation 21:4 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-11T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/11/kitchen-comforts.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/09/my-other-mother.html", "title": "My “Other Mother”", "content_html": "

\"Beautiful “My beautiful “Other Mother”, Louisa.”

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Most of the time, when you talk about your “Other Mother”, it’s the mom of your best friend from high school. My mom was my sister/friend’s “Other Mother”. They were tight, especially after I married and moved to England. They would go to the beach together and have a grand time. I was thrilled they enjoyed that relationship since I didn’t live near my mom.

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God brought me my “Other Mother” when I needed her the most. Louisa and her husband, John, walked into my needlework shop in 2003, the year before my own mother passed away. He knew I was going to need a good woman friend to mother me through that loss. Louisa and John had moved to the Western Slope of Colorado after he retired a few years before. She wanted to learn to do something with her hands. She had a needlepoint kit hanging around and wanted me to teach her. Her vision was slowly deteriorating from Macular Degeneration so she needed something that didn’t involve terribly fine work. 

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I scheduled an hour to sit with Louisa. That day, as we were gathering our work together, I asked her what her husband had done for a living. She said he was an Internal Medicine physician. Hmmmm. That’s what Hubby #2 did. We had been separated for three years by this point.

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“How was that for YOU?” I asked.

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The ensuing conversation put all thoughts of needlepoint out of our minds and we proceeded to share our stories. Our paths were remarkably similar. We both had suffered from a clinical depression. Her marriage survived that. Mine did not. We bonded that day and became incredibly close.

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When Mr. Virgo and I decided to get married, I asked Louisa and John to stand in as my “parents” at the wedding. They were so thrilled to do so. I’ll never forget when Louisa toasted us and shared how honored she and John were to be included in such a way. 

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When I moved home to West Virginia, Louisa and I remained close and spoke often on the phone. Every time I went to Colorado for a visit, we spend some quality time together…sometimes I even stayed at their house. We visited last summer when I was home and I noticed right away there had been a rapid deterioration in both John and Louisa. John’s mind was rapidly slipping away to dementia. Louisa’s COPD was taking it’s toll. She was always impeccably dressed when you went to visit. This time, she was seated in her ladie’s wing-backed chair in her dressing gown, her lovely hair slight disheveled in wisps around her face.

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She was still her sharp-witted self, but I could see she was weary. We didn’t visit for too long. Her son had been staying with them for a bit to help out. We parted with promised to talk often. 

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The summer was eaten up with medical visits and soon it was fall before we spoke again. She was trying to be a good soldier, but I could tell how weary she was. We spoke in October when I shared Mr. FixIt and I were soon getting married. She was thrilled. She met him the summer before and loved him. However, she was a proper, old-school, Southern Belle from Owensboro, Kentucky and she did not like us living together without being married.

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I was going to call her last week but one thing and another came up. Finally, this past Monday, I got this urgent “nudge” to call her so I listened. 

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The first thing she said was, “So, are you married yet????” She was in hospice care now. 

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“Yes, ma’am. We got married on the 13th of October.” 

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“Ok, good. You know I didn’t like that!” She gently scolded.

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“Yes, my dear…I know.”

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She told me her granddaughter was being married next month and she just wanted to live till that happened. Our sweet Miss Louisa went home to God late that evening. I was so glad I had listened to that still small voice that said, “Call Louisa.”

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I didn’t find out till a mutual friend texted me yesterday. I was crushed, as you are in the first few moments after hearing of such a loss. After I had a good cry, I thought of my Miss Louisa sitting down to “tea”…her vernacular for a good stiff cocktail. Maybe she’s sitting with Mr. Virgo and my mom…enjoying a lovely visit…talking about me and shaking their heads at stories of my misadventures. Whatever she is doing, I know I will sit with her again some sunny day. But, my oh my…this has been a difficult couple of months. I want my loved ones to stop dying now, thank you very much. Cumulative grief is a very real phenomenon. You can read more about it through the link below. ?

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https://whatsyourgrief.com/cumulative-grief-aka-grief-overload/

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“We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.”\n

2 Corinthians 5:8 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2018-12-09T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/09/my-other-mother.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Love","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/03/plantarpalmar-psoriasis-a-conundrum.html", "title": "Plantar-Palmar Psoriasis: A Conundrum", "content_html": "

\"Healing “The difference CBD Ointment made after just two weeks of use is absolutely remarkable!”

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Refresher:

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After Mr. Virgo died, I developed an autoimmune disorder. It took three years to diagnose what was happening to my skin. As you can see in the photo on the left, my skin thickened, dried, split, and peeled. Then it started all over again. Cycle after cycle. My feet were just as bad. Occasionally it would appear on my elbows or on random spots on my legs. Much mostly just the palms of my hands and soles of my feet. It got so bad that I had to wrap my feet with duct tape to keep them from splitting open. I went through thousands of bandaids as I had to keep my fingers wrapped constantly…for comfort and also out of embarrassment.

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I went to doctor after doctor. I used every over the counter product there was available. I went through dozens of tubes of expensive medications. Nothing worked. Finally, my doctor found the correct diagnosis…Plantar Palmar Psoriasis. Still, the medications for it didn’t work. The next thing to try was systemic steroids or one of the new, strong drugs for psoriasis. They also talked about doing light therapy. I was not happy with either scenario.

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I was in Colorado visiting, and a friend saw my hands. She suggested I go to a marijuana dispensary to see if they had something to offer. I did, after much contemplation. I didn’t want the psychoactive effects of marijuana but I would do just about anything for relief. This had become debilitating. I showed them my hands and they recommended an ointment. It cost $50 for a small jar. One jar lasts about 1-2 months, depending how often I have to use it. 

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The difference between the photo on the left and the photo on the right is two weeks. Two weeks! I had been struggling for three years and cannabis fixed it in two weeks. Now, this is not legal in West Virginia, so I can only use CBD ointment…the kind without THC. THC is the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana. As it turned out, when I used the ointment with the THC, I only felt very mild effects the very first time I used it. After that, I felt nothing. Using CBD without THC is a no brainer. It couldn’t get you high if you ate it straight out of the jar.

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Last year, I was in Fruth Pharmacy in Mineral Wells getting something and noticed a case up front with CBD oils and ointments in it. I was thrilled to know that I could replenish my supply of ointment locally and not have to order it over the internet. I went in yesterday as my little jar is almost empty. The case was gone! I asked what happened and the clerk said they had to get rid of it. I asked who told them they had to get rid of it. The answer? The government. 

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Yes. These are the same people who say I have to be carded at the age of 65 when I buy non-alcohol beer but a 12 year old can buy Listerine which is 54 Proof. I don’t understand. It’s ridiculous. I am not asking for opioids. I am not seeking a high. I am not looking to used anything that is addictive. All I want is CBD ointment or oil. Cannabidiol. Look at these photos. If this isn’t photographic evidence of the efficacy of cannabis in the treatment of psoriasis, I don’t know what is. God made all the plants of the field. ALL of the plants. Some plants are poisonous…but this plant offers healing when used properly and it should be made available everywhere.

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❤️

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“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”\n

3 John 1:2 NIV

\nDisclaimer: Remember, I am not a doctor and I cannot give medical advice  I’m just telling you what worked for me. I can’t be responsible for what may or may not occur if you choose to follow my example. I showed my doctors and they were stunned.

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\n", "date_published": "2018-12-03T02:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/03/plantarpalmar-psoriasis-a-conundrum.html", "tags": ["Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","New Ideas","Gratitude","Comfort","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/02/a-long-goodbye.html", "title": "A Long Goodbye", "content_html": "

\"Man “My sweet cousin, Tom.”

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I was seven years old when I fell in love with Tommy Allen. The fact that he was my first cousin meant nothing to me. The fact that he was home from the Navy wearing his sailor whites meant EVERYTHING. swoon He was dreamy. 

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I remember that day like it was yesterday. I was playing on the floor with my brother. We had a bunch of little plastic barnyard animals and some Lincoln Logs, creating the wilderness cabin of Daniel Boone. It was a sweltering hot summer day and I wore a violet colored cotton dress. They say it matched my eyes. My bare arms were brown from the sun. My bare feet were brown from the WV dirt.

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My cousin, Donna Jean, was in high school. She was playing Elvis Presley records on the stereo…his mellow voice coming through scratchy and thin. A car door slammed out front and my Aunt Marge came running from the kitchen, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel.

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“He’s here!” The screen door didn’t even swing shut before she was out on the porch wrapping her boy in her mom-hug. I ran to the door and peeked out to see what the ruckus was all about. And…there he was. His pompadour slicked back. His Navy whites, crisp and clean, glaring in the July sun. His marine blue eyes sparkled when he saw me and grinned. He gave me a knowing wink, and I was smitten.

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\"Man “Captain Tom”

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We didn’t get to see each other much. He married and moved to Paden City, then New Martinsville. He raised his family. He worked hard in one of the chemical plants that dot the Ohio River banks from Pittsburg to Louisville. Then, in 1976, my parents divorced. By this time I was married myself with a little one of my own and lived in Colorado. I am embarrassed to say, I didn’t have much to do with my father’s family after that. There were a lot of reasons why…none of them good.

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My father died in 2008. For some reason, I didn’t think there would be but a handful of people at his funeral. If he was the same man to others as he had been to me and my family, this would be a pretty quick, cut and dried affair. Imagine my surprise when the church was full to overflowing at my father’s memorial service! I listened to people tell me what a wonderful man he was. How he was a central figure in their church. A pillar of the community. “He would give you the shirt off his back.” I heard over and over. It wasn’t the man I knew, but I realized…he was the man THEY knew. And this funeral was for them.

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Almost all of my cousins from my dad’s side were there. I greeted them politely before the service. When we all went to the basement after, I sat in awe and listened to the stories they told me about my dad. I told them about the man I knew. We were both dumbfounded. But, the really GREAT part is…even though I had walked away from them all in 1975, they greeted me with open arms in 2008 like I’d been there all along. I fell in love with them all…all over again.

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About four-and-a-half years or so ago, my handsome cousin Tommy was diagnosed with mesothelioma. It is a cancer of the covering of the lung but can appear anywhere. And it comes from exposure to asbestos. He was exposed in the Navy shipyards and the plant in which he worked. The average life expectancy for mesothelioma patients is 12-21 months. Approximately 40% of patients live past one year, and only 9% live longer than five years. He was determined to do everything he could so he went to NIH and participated in clinical trials. 

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It bought him some good time. He fished and hunted and was his normal, happy, feisty self. Then one of the trial drugs nearly killed him. That’s when he decided…he’d had enough. His wife, Suzy, contacted me and said it was time to come for a visit. No one said it out loud, but I knew this was my last visit with this sweet man. By this time, he didn’t have the energy to go exploring or out to eat. So, we just sat at home. We talked. We laughed. I recorded him telling me stories. It was bittersweet. The ride to the beach was long and quiet.

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I met fifteen gals from my high school for coffee yesterday morning. I was going to the funeral home afterwards. Lisa, the friend who married Mr. FixIt and me, lost her mom Thanksgiving Day and the viewing was yesterday. I picked up my phone to see what time it was because I didn’t want to be late. That’s when I saw the text from Suzy. Our Tom passed at 1:35 yesterday morning. 

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\"Woman “Tommy and Me”

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I tried not to cry, but the tears slipped too easily down my cheeks. My friends were wonderful and hugged me. I showed them his picture. I told them I fell in love with this handsome sailor when I was just a little girl. And now, he has crossed over the last trout stream and is off on a great bear hunt in the sky. I will miss you, Tommy…you were a heck of a good man.

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Today would have been their 57th Wedding Anniversary. Suzy has never lived alone. But, she has lots of love and support. She will get through this in her own way…in her own time. Those of us who have walked this particular path have an understanding of what she is going through today. Please keep Suzy and all who loved Tom in your prayers. ?

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““Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.””\n

John 14:1-4 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-02T02:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/02/a-long-goodbye.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Prayer","Love","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/29/somewhere-over-the-rainbowbluebirds-fly.html", "title": "Somewhere Over the Rainbow...Bluebirds Fly", "content_html": "

\"Man “Ron Rudolph and his grandson building bluebird houses in memory of his late wife.”

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I have told you many times that Mr. Virgo sends me bluebirds. It first began when I stood by his grave…heart broken…sobbing, when I heard a birdsong nearby. I looked to my right and just a few feet away, a bluebird sat on a pole and was singing. It lifted something in my heart. I could feel my husband’s presence and it was comforting. Since then, countless bluebirds show up at odd times. Mr. FixIt and I have taken to saying hello to him out loud when we see them.

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This sweet man I am married to called me into the family room yesterday and said, “Look, I want you to see this.”

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I sat down to watch a segment on the Today show about a man in Minnesota. Ron Rudolph lost his wife to a brain tumor this past January. When he found himself wandering around the house in the middle of the night, he decided to go out to his wood shop. He saw a bluebird house hanging on the wall. His wife loved bluebirds and he had made several of the houses to place around their yard for her to enjoy. He decided to cut out a few birdhouses to keep his hands, and his mind, busy.

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After constructing several birdhouses, he enlisted his daughter’s help in setting up a way to sell them. He wanted others to enjoy bluebirds, in his wife’s memory. Now, there are four generations building bluebird houses in his shop and a portion of the proceeds goes to the hospice that cared for his late wife.

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I reached out to Ron yesterday and shared my story of losing Mr. Virgo. I asked if I could share his story with you here and he was thrilled. I have ordered two bluebird houses…one for the Ponderosa and another for the farm. I know you will love this story as much as I have. I’m looking forward to getting to know this beautiful family better.

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You can find the Today Show story posted on their Facebook page: Rudolph’s Bluebird Houses

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www.facebook.com/166886557…

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❤️

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“All you saints! Sing your hearts out to GOD! Thank him to his face! He gets angry once in a while, but across a lifetime there is only love. The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter.”\n

Psalm 30:4-5 MSG

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\n", "date_published": "2018-11-29T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/29/somewhere-over-the-rainbowbluebirds-fly.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Love","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/27/its-beginning-to-look-a.html", "title": "It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas", "content_html": "

\"Vintage “My favorite ornament from childhood.”

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I heard a mother comforting her child once. The little one was crying about something that had happened earlier. The mother said, “Oh…are you remembering how you were sad earlier?” I loved that. She wasn’t dismissing the child’s feelings and at the same time, she was teaching her “It’s not happening to you now. It’s just a memory.”

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As we were decorating the tree yesterday, I was hanging the special ornaments Mr. Virgo and I purchased together. I felt a melancholy come over me. And, as this is what I do, I examined the feelings and let myself feel them. Then I remembered the mother comforting her child and I smiled. The melancholy I felt wasn’t sadness in the moment. It was holding the items we cherished and remembering how sad that first Christmas was after he died.

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Grief is quicksilver. It rolls around and shape shifts through time. And, once you get to a certain point, the weight shifts forward. It doesn’t drag you back so hard. When I first started to notice that pattern shift, I didn’t trust it. I’d had far too many instances of stepping on the rake in the tall grass. Once I experienced this new space where grief stays put…at least most of the time…I could start living again and looking forward.

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This ornament was my favorite as a little girl. I have several of my mom’s ornaments and I think of the little house on the corner where we lived. I think of the farmhouse where we spent Christmas morning with my grandparents just once or twice that I can remember. We’ll go out to the farm this week and decorate and stay a few days, I think. I don’t dread Christmas anymore. I never understood my great grandfather when he would say, “It’ll stop hurting when the pain goes away.” I always thought that was just a silly thing he said. But, in the context of grief, it makes perfect sense. It DOES stop hurting when the pain goes away. ❤️

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“...The minute I said, “I’m slipping, I’m falling,” your love, GOD, took hold and held me fast. When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up.”\n

Psalm 94:16-19 MSG

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\n", "date_published": "2018-11-27T02:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/27/its-beginning-to-look-a.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/20/driving-down-the-road.html", "title": "Driving Down the Road", "content_html": "

\"Country “Country roads…take me home!”

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Remember this summer when I shared the pictures of how terrible the road was out to the farm? The compressor station back behind the farm is finished. No more heavy trucks hauling super heavy loads out the road and back. It was a long year. They started building the road out to the station site this time last year.

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The road had gotten so bad I was really afraid I was going to blow a tire or break an axle or, at the very least, knock my truck out of alignment. I just had to drive really slow and try to dodge the worst parts or come to a complete stop if there was oncoming traffic.

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I was told by multiple sources that our road would not be fixed until the routine paving time came up on the schedule. I was also told the county did not negotiate road repairs into the contract with the company building the compressor station. Essentially, I figured good, hard working, lower income West Virginians would get screwed again.

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In late summer, a local company came in and cut out large rectangles of mangled asphalt and rebuilt the base. But, they didn’t put anything on top so it was no time before these big rocky rectangles became just as bad as the road was before. Pretty soon, someone else came in and blacktopped over those messy rocky rectangles and I thought, “Good! At least there aren’t deep holes anymore. I can live with this.”

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While we were gone on our honeymoon, my cousin’s wife, Charlotte called to give me an update on the kitties. Then she said, “Wait till you see what they’re doing to the road! You won’t believe it!” I rolled my eyes. What now? “They’re paving it!!!”

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Sure enough, each time I’ve gone out since the wedding, a little more and a little more was blacktopped and things were finally improving. I went out yesterday and they are not only finished…the lines have been painted and a very nice shoulder has been laid down. If I could have done a jig, I would have…but I was driving.

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I didn’t have to yell and scream at a meeting. I didn’t get upset other than grumble under my breath and complain to you all a little bit. I didn’t have to write letters or threaten law suits. I just talked to God whenever I drove over that wretched road and said, “Lord, please place it on the hearts of the people responsible for making this mess to come back here and make it right. This isn’t fair to all these people out this little old road. They work hard and most of them don’t have much. Please make this right.” I have no idea who actually ended up getting this job done, but I am grateful for a good, solid road going out to the farm now. 

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Prayer works. Even in the most ordinary things. ❤️

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“The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”  Ecclesiastes 7:8-9 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-11-20T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/20/driving-down-the-road.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/17/grief-is-a-crucible.html", "title": "Grief is a Crucible", "content_html": "

\"Refinery\" “Grief is a crucible…you come out entirely changed by the process.”

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I was interviewed yesterday for an article for a major financial company. The topic was whether widows find navigating finances difficult in grief. I asked her how long she had to discuss this and suggested she put on a pot of tea. For me, dealing with finances was one of the most difficult aspects of my grief process aside from the fact my husband died. I was terribly unprepared and totally unknowledgeable. 

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I’m the first to admit I was a spoiled princess. Money was always the source of arguments in my house growing up so that carried over into my marriages. Being the wife of a doctor, money wasn’t really tight. I had a checking account that wasn’t really monitored. What I thought was just “not worrying” turned out to be “highly irresponsible.” Mr. Virgo and I had separate accounts and we both had good jobs. I just didn’t worry about it. I’d ask his opinion. I had a financial advisor but he wasn’t necessarily overly involved. I just left my IRA with him and hoped for the best.

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Mr. Virgo often commented that I should find a different advisor because he didn’t think the guy was doing much for me. But, since it was my money from my divorce, he left it to me to make my own decisions. Money talk makes me highly uncomfortable so I decided the devil you know is better than the one you don’t. It was easier to just stay where I was. An ostrich with my head in the sand. 

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Then the unthinkable happened. You are never prepared entirely. I sure could have been more knowledgeable though. A friend suggested a Christian financial advisor. After meeting with her, I moved my IRA over and started learning about being a responsible steward for the gifts God gave me. This is what the journalist and I discussed during the interview. 

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We talked about some of the difficult decisions I had to make. Selling the house was major. Getting rid of 95% of my personal belongings and downsizing from a three bedroom house into a thirty foot camper was a challenge. Traveling across the country and trying to help my elderly aunt was difficult. Whenever I am interviewed about the early period of grief, it really strikes me how much territory I have covered since Mr. Virgo died. 

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The first thing I did when I hung up the phone was text my girlfriends and remind them to have that difficult conversation about end of life decisions. Know where everything is. Have a notebook with all the accounts and passwords. If you go over to my website, there is a link there where you can purchase an excellent book called The LastingMatters Organizer by my friend, Barb Sedoric. I wish I would have had something like this before I so unexpectedly became a widow.

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Do you know what a crucible is? When you have raw ore, you place it in a crucible and heat it up to ultra high temperatures. This burns off the impurities and leaves you with something stronger, better, precious. Grief is a crucible that turned my gritty “sand” into colorful glass that reflects the light in a million different directions. It’s not till I’m forced to turn around and look that I can see how far I’ve come. ❤️

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“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”  Isaiah 43:2 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2018-11-17T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/17/grief-is-a-crucible.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Courage","Downsizing","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/10/the-decision-process.html", "title": "The Decision Process", "content_html": "

\"Wedding “The decision on wedding bands was a process. I wanted exactly the right ones!”

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Mr. FixIt proposed to me last year. We both knew from the beginning this relationship was going to be special. We both knew we had found the one. So, it was never a matter of “if”. It was always a matter of “when”. 

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You know, if you’ve been around a while…I knew I wanted to be with this man for all eternity. But I wasn’t quite sure I wanted to be married again. After all, I’d already been married three times. The first was too young. The second was too long. And the third was cut short by his untimely death. I wasn’t sure I could live through that again. And…I was afraid of losing my widow’s benefits. 

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So, we lived together and it bothered my heart. My faith tells me that is a sin. I prayed and asked God to speak to me through my Pastor if He had a message directly for me. The Pastor spent the next nine months delivering message after message that what we were doing was wrong. It happened SO many times, I could no longer deny the truth. After speaking with my faith mentors, I asked God to give me a sign. 

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I knew He would always provide for me, but I asked if I would lose my benefits if I remarried. Immediately I heard, “Well, Google it!” So, I did…and as long as I married after the age of 60, I would NOT. That was all I needed to know and I shared the good news with my beloved. 

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We married just a month later. When Mr. FixIt gave me my engagement ring, he knew my stance on marriage so we never went out to buy a wedding band. As a matter of fact, my ring was not part of a set so there wasn’t a band to go with it. The ring has an odd shape and really needs a custom made wedding band to sit flush with it. 

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When we set the date, I told Mr. FixIt I didn’t really NEED a wedding ring. I could just wear the engagement ring alone and be good. But the closer we got to the wedding, the more I regretted that decision. I really WANTED a band to symbolize the two events separately. The week before the wedding, I bought a simple, straight band with little diamonds. I have to admit, I didn’t choose what I really wanted. I went with what was less expensive. 

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The wedding was lovely. My ring sat on my hand for the next several days. But every time I looked at it, I remembered the other one. It wasn’t THAT much more expensive. I kept going back to the jeweler and visiting the ring. Finally, I made the decision and traded in the straight band for the curved one that sat up against the engagement ring like it was made for it. 

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I loved it. And still, something was missing. It didn’t seem finished, symmetrical. That’s when I decided to use money I’ve made from my writing and buy a second band for myself to sit on the other side. And now? I absolutely LOVE it. It looks polished. Complete. Like it was made to be this way. 

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I was talking with my camping friend, Janine about it and she said this. “It’s not like you’re picking out a winter coat. This is your wedding band. God willing, you will be wearing this the rest of your life. Get the one that makes your heart sing.” It only LOOKS extravagant but I still got an amazing deal on it. (I always go for a sale!) So, these are the rings that represent our love and commitment and I am so happy to wear them. They do make my heart sing! ❤️

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“So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”  Matthew 19:6 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-11-10T02:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/10/the-decision-process.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","Love","Presence","Choices","Change","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/09/remaining-hopeful-in-a-hopeless.html", "title": "Remaining Hopeful in a Hopeless World", "content_html": "

\"News “When the news is on fire, how do you stay hopeful?”

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We awoke yesterday to the news of yet another mass shooting. We are only three days out from another season of hateful politics. Glaciers are melting and species are disappearing. Computers can generate images that are easily passed off as truth. China just released the first AI news anchor. There will come a time when we won’t be able to tell what’s real and what isn’t. There’s so much death and destruction, murder and mayhem, and just pure evil in this world. How do you remain hopeful in a world like this?

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I was reading some comments yesterday on a news post. One after another, people expressed hopelessness. I just read that a college student was supposed to go to the place in Thousand Oaks but she had homework. As a child, she went to a school in Colorado where a gunman broke in, took hostages, and eventually killed a girl then himself. She asked her mother why death followed her so much. There were people at the dance hall who had been at the concert in Vegas that was attacked. How on earth do you remain hopeful in circumstances like this?

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Compound all this with grief and it is SO easy to become hopeless. To succumb to sadness and depression. I mean, here I am…the perennial cheerleader…the veritable Pollyanna, as Mr. Virgo called me. I’m weary of all this negativity. It’s beyond negative. It’s evil. 

\n

I can’t just stick my head in the sand. I can’t stick my fingers in my ears and yell “LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” I can’t cover my eyes and pretend I don’t see what’s going on. That isn’t productive. It isn’t healthy. And it’s not realistic. Granted, I don’t watch TV so one might say I am practicing avoidance. I say I’m being selective. I choose my media outlet based on who I feel gives the most fair and unbiased news reporting. I cross check sources and references. I Google things I am skeptical about. I practice critical thinking. En masse. It’s tedious. It’s time consuming. But it’s the only way I can keep my senses from being barraged and eventually overwhelmed. 

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I look at the world through the lens of my faith. I am a Christian. And I am a Liberal Democrat. I have not looked up the statistics, but I am sure I am in the minority…looked at distrustfully by both sides. And therein lies the problem. Sides. Division. US against THEM. Divisiveness is encouraged. Chaos is a smokescreen. The enemy is very, very busy now.

\n

When I find myself feeling mired down by all the hatred in the world, I remind myself…I’ve read the Book. I know how this story ends. The light prevails over darkness. Faith, hope, and love. God tells us love is everything. It is behind every commandment. We are to love God with every ounce of strength we have. And, we are to love our fellow man as we love ourselves. 

\n

The enemy whispers doubts and delusions. Yes. There are evil things happening. Yes, there is darkness all around. But, I can put light out there. I can find ways to bring God’s light into the world. I can carry the love of Jesus in my heart and let Him shine through my thoughts and actions. And if I can do that, others can do that. The enemy wants me to believe I am the only one trying to make the world a better place. He says things like, “Why are you even bothering?” He is whispering lies meant to break me, to discourage me. But I won’t be discouraged. I’ll WALK STRONG as long as there is a breath in me. I will always look up. I will seek God’s face. I will ask for his comfort and guidance. I will pray for discernment to show me what is true and what is not. But most of all, I will trust Him. Because of His promises to me. He has never, EVER failed me. And that, my friends, is how I remain hopeful in this fallen world. ❤️

\n
“If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.”  Proverbs 25:21-22 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-11-09T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/09/remaining-hopeful-in-a-hopeless.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/31/photographic-memories.html", "title": "Photographic Memories", "content_html": "

\"OBX “Fishing on the OBX”

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Mr. Virgo was quite the photographer. He left me with so many beautiful photos that he took of wildlife. Not to mention so many of the beautiful places we visited together. I cherish those. I really have so few photos of him. It seems he was always the one behind the lens. 

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It reminds me of a morning shortly after we were married. I was in the bathroom getting ready for the day. My hair was a mess, I hadn’t brushed my teeth or washed my face. I was just standing there looking at my reflection in the mirror…white robe tucked around me, half-lidded eyes, in desperate need for coffee. The house was still. I wondered where he was, when…..click.

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He looked up from the viewfinder with such a sweet smile on his face when I whirled around…fire in my eyes. I gave him a short “OMGosh! What are you doing? I’m a mess!” I immediately regretted that when I saw the crestfallen look on his face…the hurt in his eyes.

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He rarely took photos of me after that. And certainly not impromptu, candid shots that I wasn’t prepared for. It wasn’t till he was gone that I realized it went so much deeper than just snapping a photo.

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He thought I was beautiful. 

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He saw my beauty when all I could see were flaws. I denied him the pleasure of capturing something he loved to see. Of doing something he loved to do.

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I learned from that. I’ve learned that if my sweet Mr. FixIt turns the camera in my direction I won’t care what I look like because he sees something I have learned to see for myself these last five or so years. He sees the lines on my face that mean I have had so many opportunities in my life to smile. He sees depth in my eyes that comes from love and loss. He sees silver in my hair that says I’m a wiser woman than I was with Mr. Virgo.

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Please don’t fuss when someone wants to take your picture. They want to capture what THEY see…what THEY want to remember about you. Let them. Give them that gift. Unless you’re doing a photo shoot for Vogue, which I very much doubt, what harm is there in messy hair or bleary eyes? They see you through the soft lens of love. What a beautiful thing is that? ❤️

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“You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.”  The Song of Solomon 4:7 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-31T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/31/photographic-memories.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/21/live-a-good-life.html", "title": "Live a Good Life", "content_html": "

\"Autumn “Live a Good Life”

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When we were decorating the tent for the wedding, I went around the house, the buildings, and the farm looking for decor I could use. There was so much more I could have put out there, but frankly, I realized we were just going to have to haul it all back into the house afterwards. I decided to just keep it simple. 

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I was standing in the kitchen giving some last minute directions to my wonderful friend, Charlotte, when I looked up above the kitchen sink and saw this sign. I took it down and handed it to Mr. FixIt and said, “This goes out by the front of the tent to greet our guests!” It’s our daily reminder to “Live a Good Life.”

\n

This has been the busiest, jam packed week we have had since we started dating. So much has happened, I’ve really just started processing it all. Aside from the changes that come with marriage, and the death of a dear family member, something else has been rattling around in my head wanting attention.

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It wasn’t so much what WAS there. It was more…what WASN’T there. Namely, that dogged undercurrent of grief that has simmered just beneath the surface of my life for the last 2,049 days. I know grief is not something you “get over”. I know it’s something you “get through”. It is something you learn to walk around without falling into that giant hole in your heart. It is something you learn to deal with in time. I honestly had no idea it would change with the commitment of another marriage. 

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It seems the act of marrying has caused a…shift in the force, so to speak. Maybe it’s the high of the wedding itself, but I don’t think so. Maybe it’s a gift from God for being obedient. Maybe it’s a natural progression of things when significant life changes occur. Maybe it’s just the Evolution of Grief. 

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When there are significant milestones in life, like your child’s wedding, or the birth of a grandchild, and your person isn’t there, it causes their death to come front and center. You think about how much he would have loved to see that. How much your son or daughter misses their dad. How your grandchild will never know that grandparent. It reminds you of an emptiness. 

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That was totally missing last weekend.

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Oh, I thought of Mr. Virgo that day. Of course I did. I even had a quiet moment before the wedding when I silently thanked him for having been in my life. However, I wouldn’t have been getting married that day if he were still alive. And, I love Mr. FixIt SO much. I can’t imagine my life without him. It wasn’t like I had to say to myself, “Don’t think of Mr. Virgo!” He just…wasn’t there.

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That kind of surprised me, actually. Because, like I said, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. It’s never occurred to me to ask other widows who have remarried how it affected their grief. So, like I’ve done from the beginning, I feel what I feel and I write about it. The feeling has persisted all week. Mr. Virgo is still here, but he’s standing much further away. Because…just as I stepped out the door to walk across the field and marry my sweet Mr. FixIt, I looked up and told Mr. Virgo…”Don’t worry about me now. I’ve got this!” ❤️

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2018-10-21T01:30:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/21/live-a-good-life.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/17/here-comes-the-bride.html", "title": "Here Comes the Bride", "content_html": "

\"Bride\" “One of my favorite moments…locking eyes with a fellow widow whom I mentored…knowing we BOTH have found our second-chance loves.”

\n

It all went so fast. Here we are, just a few days after the wedding and I don’t remember all the details. That happens to every bride, I think. You throw so much into the planning, and so many last minute details happen the day of the wedding. Friends and family came at 2:00 to help me get ready. The ceremony was at 4:00. The girls were still messing with my hair when I asked the time. 3:20! I still hadn’t put on make up or dressed!

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I don’t wear a lot of make up ordinarily…and when I do, it’s not much. Throwing that on was no big deal. I slipped on my boots and my new daughter and granddaughter helped me into my dress. In no time at all, I was ready. The music wasn’t. I told them I didn’t care…I’d walk out singing “Here Comes the Bride” if I had to…I was ready….REALLY ready!

\n

They helped me out to the tent…one carrying my train…the other hoping for the music to start. And, it did! Just as I got to the tent, I looked up and there was my sweet friend, Deneene. She was one of what looked like a whole sea of smiles and cell phones pointed at me. I looked at her with a knowing smile. You see, Deneene was referred to me when she was a relatively new widow herself. I was a couple of years ahead of her. I mentored her for the next couple of years. I was for her what I wished I’d had. Someone who had recently walked the path and could relate. Someone who could say this is perfectly normal. Someone to hold out a hand…not to pat it, but to offer a lift up. Then, Deneene met HER new love. And we walked this new territory together. She caught that knowing look in this picture. I think it is one of my favorites. Because I’m looking at another widow in love. I’m looking at my friend that helped me as much as I helped her. I’m looking at hope and joy and strength and perseverance and courage and reflecting it all back.

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We all are nothing more than the sum of our life experiences. I was ready to marry…every time I married. But I didn’t know then what I know now. Now I know what love is. I know how fragile life is. I know how to face the unimaginable and still live. I know how to live alone when it’s impossible to breathe. I know how rare it is to find someone so incredibly compatible. I know SO much more than I knew when I married Mr. Virgo. This man, this love, this marriage will reap the benefits of that knowledge and experience. I am so grateful to be where I am today. It is only through God’s grace and love that I found my way through the darkness. There may still be darkness ahead…but now there is hope. ❤️

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“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

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1 Peter 5:10-11 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2018-10-17T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/17/here-comes-the-bride.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/15/last-love.html", "title": "Last Love", "content_html": "

\"Cutting “My sweet love…my last love.”

\n

I was talking to Mr. FixIt sometime over the last few weeks as we were planning the wedding. I told him this was my last wedding and I wanted it to be very special while maintaining a reasonable budget. He looked at me and said, “Don’t say that. You don’t know that this is your last. Something could happen to me and I wouldn’t want you to be alone.” Of course, after losing Mr. Virgo, I’m fully aware I could lose this wonderful man. It’s part of the hesitancy I felt in the beginning about getting married. I was afraid I’d jinx it. 

\n

I can tell you honestly, though…I have no intention of ever marrying again. This is my darling. My “silver love”. My last love. My forever love. This one. It’s not that I didn’t feel that with my other spouses. You never enter a marriage with the thought it won’t last. It never really came to the forefront of my mind that Mr. Virgo would actually up and die on me. Certainly I never had a clear picture of what that would look like. 

\n

I may not have been Mr. Virgo’s first love…but I was his last. 

\n

And, for me…Mr. FixIt is my last love. No matter what. How could I possibly top this? ❤️

\n

“Where God’s love is, there is no fear, because God’s perfect love drives out fear. It is punishment that makes a person fear, so love is not made perfect in the person who fears.”  1 John 4:18 NCV

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-15T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/15/last-love.html", "tags": ["Family","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/14/introducingmr-mrs-fixit.html", "title": "Introducing....Mr. \u0026 Mrs. FixIt", "content_html": "

\"Wedding “Introducing Mr. and Mrs. FixIt!”

\n

Oh my, what a perfect day!!! I prayed it wouldn’t be too hot. It didn’t break 50 degrees even though the last two weeks have been in the high eighties. I prayed there wouldn’t be bugs. It was cool to the point of being downright brisk so…no bugs!!! I prayed the pulled pork would be moist. It was succulent and juicy. There was a small hiccup with the music but just when I decided to walk in unaccompanied, it kicked in. It didn’t rain…or snow. My hair cooperated. It truly was a perfect day!

\n

When I asked Mr. FixIt what his favorite part of the wedding was, he said “When I saw you walking toward me.” I know this is true because when I got up to him he just looked and me and said, “Whoa!” Everyone laughed and I knew…this was as close to the perfect moment we may ever get when we are on this earth. And now, as I’m writing this, I realize how exhausted I am. I have a kitchen full of things needing cleaned. But, I have really great cake and pulled pork leftovers. 

\n

Really. Perfect. Day. ❤️

\n

“Even more than all this, clothe yourself in love. Love is what holds you all together in perfect unity.”

\n

Colossians 3:14 NCV

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-14T01:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/14/introducingmr-mrs-fixit.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Peaceful Moments","Downsizing","Change","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/13/sparkles-and-sunshine.html", "title": "Sparkles and Sunshine", "content_html": "

\"Sparkly “My fancy earrings from Daughter #2…perfect for the wedding!”

\n
“Always be humble, gentle, and patient, accepting each other in love. You are joined together with peace through the Spirit, so make every effort to continue together in this way.”  Ephesians 4:2-3 NCV
\nOur good friends, Dianne and Bobby came over to the Ponderosa yesterday and helped us decorate the tent for the wedding. We moved the forty bails of hay and made rows of seating. We strung five hundred white twinkle lights above. We set up the serving tables and hung the cross at the front. We have the extra bales out front and I finally found a use for these two pieces of rustic decorative fencing I’ve had for years. The quilts are all in plastic tubs to keep from gathering moisture. The pulled pork goes in a slow oven in the morning and the fried chicken goes in the smoker to heat up.\n

The soft drinks and water are already in the big galvanized washtubs chilling outdoors overnight and ice will be added in the afternoon. My sweet friend Deneene came from South Carolina and arrived at 4:30. We went to town to fill up two big propane tanks for TOW-Wanda because I ran out of propane in the middle of the night. It was REALLY cold by morning! We dropped the tanks back off at the Ponderosa then we went to the farm to get Mr. FixIt’s white dinner jacket. As I was leaving I saw my mom’s quilt peeking out from under a stack of linens and grabbed it. I also brought the big box of fireworks we bought for the wedding. 

\n

And now, the day is here. I found a bag with a bunch of jewelry in it when I was at the farm yesterday. Last night I was showing my friend Deneene something in the bag and ran across these earrings. Daughter #2 bought me these for Christmas many years ago. I never had an occasion to wear time so they have been tucked away in a safe place…just waiting for the most special occasion. I sent my daughter this picture and asked if she remembered these. I told her I finally have a special occasion to wear them. You’re supposed to have something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. I haven’t borrowed anything yet, but the center stone in these earrings is the palest ice blue topaz, they’re old in that I’ve had them for years and they’re new in that I have never worn them. My daughter said that made her all fuzzy inside. I wish my girls could be here. But we will celebrate when we get to Colorado next. 

\n

Today! TODAY!!! I’m marrying my best friend today. The sweetest man on the planet. I’ve never been more ready, more prepared. 

\n

“Thank you, Jesus…for every gift, every blessing, every friend and family member. Bless those who cannot join us today. Bless my cousin Tom and his wife Suzy as he fights the ravages of mesothelioma. Bless my Uncle Bud and cousins as they sit with their wife and mother as she inches toward her final journey home. And Bless all these wonderful people who come here to read about how You impact my life. Lord, thank you for the gift of love from Mr. Virgo. Thank you for letting lightning strike twice and bringing me Mr FixIt. This is a love affair for the ages!

\n

And, as always…To God be the Glory.

\n

Amen”

\n

❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-13T01:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/13/sparkles-and-sunshine.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Starting Over","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/12/the-side-effects-of-obedience.html", "title": "The Side Effects of Obedience", "content_html": "

\"Sunset\" “Sunset over the Ponderosa.”

\n
“And love means living the way God commanded us to live. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this: Live a life of love.”  2 John 1:6 NCV
\nI went to small group from church last night. We have a fall series and a spring series of meetings. There are different groups to fill different needs and we are all encouraged to join a small group. In a huge church, it’s difficult to feel a bond with individual members of the church family. Small group gives us the chance to make friends, learn from God’s Word, and experience fellowship. I love the gals in my small group. We always have great discussions and we always share praises and prayers at the end.\n

It’s been four weeks since Mr. FixIt and I decided to get married and set the date. Four weeks since I made the decision to live separately from him till the wedding. Even though I came back to the Ponderosa last week, I’ve been staying in TOW-Wanda. I was chatting with the gals at small group about it and got to thinking on the drive home about how this exercise has changed me.

\n

First…I just FEEL different. It’s hard to describe. I feel honorable. Obedient. Peaceful. Good…in that good way you feel when you have done the right thing. It wasn’t easy. And it wasn’t necessarily comfortable. Some didn’t understand why I was doing this. That offered me the opportunity to share. I’ve had the opportunity to pray with others over this. I have even been an example to one woman who had a thought then heard my testimony and realized God was answering her question.

\n

Sometimes the decision to be obedient to God has as much to do with the people in your path as it does to you yourself. God orchestrates our lives and places us where He needs us. We miss the opportunity to experience the blessings from that if we choose to ignore the prodding, the poking, the whispering of the Holy Spirit. I’m really glad I’ve done this. It has given our wedding a new depth and meaning. 

\n

The whole time I lived here before this, Mr. FixIt always talked about this being “our house”. And, while we did make some changes and redecorated, try as I might…I couldn’t get past considering it HIS house. Now, one of the side effects of my obedience is seeing this place as our home. Not HIS house…our HOME. Big difference. 

\n

Yesterday was rainy and we just did some things around the house. I picked up my wedding band from the jeweler. It is purposefully different. When I tried it on, my mind flashed back to my last wedding band. I smiled. 

\n

Mr. FixIt shampooed carpets. I took the pulled pork out of the freezer and put it into the fridge in the garage to thaw. We sat down and made some lists. We have friends coming today to help decorate the tent and whatever else we need to do. Mr. FixIt will go to town and pick up some food items we need for the reception. I have to run to the farm because we left his white dinner jacket out there. 

\n

We are organized. We are (fairly) rested and relaxed. And, we are SO excited!

\n

OMGosh! You guys….TOMORROW!!!!! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-12T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/12/the-side-effects-of-obedience.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/10/rustic-wedding.html", "title": "Rustic Wedding", "content_html": "
\n\"Quilt\n\n
\n
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”  Colossians 3:23-24 NIV
\nThe first rustic wedding I ever attended was my cousin’s oldest daughter’s. It was lovely. I stole the idea of using hay bales for seating from her, with her blessing. I’ve been on the hunt for quilts the last couple of weeks to lay over the hay bales and I’ve found enough, I think. I was rummaging around in some tubs and found some quilts I’d forgotten I even had. This one has a story. \n

There was once a time in my life when I was downright agoraphobic. I could go to work and I could go shopping, with some discomfort. But to go “out”…to stretch my boundaries and go someplace alone was way too much for me. I would be sick for three days before I traveled anywhere just fretting about it. I’m not sure why or how I got that way but it took quite a while to get over it. 

\n

I started by taking off by myself in WV when I went home in the summers for a visit. I knew WV. I was comfortable there. One summer, my older daughter was visiting her father in Kentucky and Hubby #2 was in medical school. I had saved up all year to go see my family and while I was there, I went on a little three day road trip. I was driving in the southern part of the state when I saw a sign for Hinton, WV. There was a railroad museum and a few antique stores so I took the exit and meandered on the backroads of WV till I found myself in a dusty little town on the banks of the New River. Most of downtown Hinton was placed on the National Register of Historic Places in 1984. It reached its peak population in 1930 with 6,654, according to the census. The population has steadily dwindled over the years till the year 2016 recorded 2,469 living souls inhabiting this bucolic little burg. 

\n

I stopped at the only shop open that rainy summer afternoon. The old railroad station was a thrift and antique store. My collecting passion at that time was quilts and there was a lovely wedding ring baby quilt hanging on the wall. It was done in soft pastels and the stitching was really rough. But something about it spoke to me. It had a little hand-printed tag with a woman’s name and the price. I can’t remember now how much I paid for it but I’d be surprised if it was over fifty dollars, given that Hubby #2 was in medical school and money was scarce. 

\n

I asked the sales clerk if she could take down the quilt so I could get a closer look. What I thought was just “rough” quilting looked more like a young child had done it. I nearly told the clerk to put it back but that quilt kept speaking to me. I asked her if she knew the woman whose name was on the tag. Was she the quilter?

\n

“Oh, that would be Miss Nellie,” she said. “She’s an old, black woman that lives in a cabin back up the holler yonder.” She pointed in a general direction off somewhere to the south. “She’s blind, don’t you know!”

\n

“Really? And she made this quilt?” I asked. I ran my fingers over the rough stitches, the pieces all puckered. “How does she do that?”

\n

“Well, her granddaughter cuts the pattern and sets the pieces out on the dining room table. Then Miss Nellie sews them by hand, one by one, feeling for the next shape to fit in. She’s been quilting all her life so it’s her fingers that ‘see’ the work,” the clerk explained. 

\n

It was such a piece of American Folk Art, I had to have it. That quilt hung over our bed for a very long time. Over the years, it’s been toted and packed and moved and somehow it got wet. There are stains I can’t remove, but that just seems to add to its charm. This will be one of the quilts that graces a seat at our wedding on Saturday. I’ll picture Miss Nellie in her best Sunday-go-Meetin’ dress, her cracked patent leather handbag resting on her lap…a hanky clasped in one hand. I’m sure weddings made her cry. She is surely long gone now. She was ninety one when she made this quilt. 

\n

They are delivering the tent today. Our longtime friends, Dianne and Bobby are coming over to help us decorate. The hay will be under cover for the hard rain we are expecting tomorrow. My final fitting for my dress is this afternoon. I am meeting a friend for coffee and a little visit first. She has some quilts for me to use. 

\n

The grandkids were over yesterday and while I worked inside and visited with our granddaughter and great granddaughter, her husband was out with Mr. FixIt moving the woodpile that refused to burn. They hauled it down to the end of the field along the fence line in the woods near the old apple tree. They loaded the trailer up with more junk to take to the scrap yard today. They cut down trees around the building and piled the second brush pile a little more compactly and set it ablaze. It’s almost gone now. We had burgers and sat out by the pool as the sunset cast shades from hot pink to salmon to yellow-gold in the sky above us. A day well-worked is a day well-lived. 

\n

The place looks SO much better. I told Mr. FixIt there comes a point when he has to say enough is enough. And you know what? It’s going to rain tomorrow so God is going to force him inside to take a day of rest before things get exciting Friday! Wednesday-Thursday-Friday….

\n

SATURDAY!!! 

\n

It’s almost here!!! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-10T01:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/10/rustic-wedding.html", "tags": ["Family","West Virginia","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/03/instant-gratification.html", "title": "Instant Gratification", "content_html": "

\"Monarch “The only monarch butterfly I have seen in WV in the four years I’ve been back, and it was lying dead in the field. I was to harvest milkweed pods this year and try to bring some monarchs back.”

\n
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”\n

Ephesians 4:1-3 ESV

\nSo, yesterday I told you I’m a “risk-taking storyteller”. I’m sure it’s no surprise to any of you who have been following me for some time if I tell you…I am also “Instant Gratification Girl”! If I can’t get it done yesterday, I’ve been known to pitch a hissy fit. Patience has never been my forte. 

\n

I stopped praying for patience a long time ago when I figured out God was sending me MANY situations in which to practice. I know I’m not fooling Him one bit, but I do thank Him for what little patience I DO have. 

\n

I may have told you this story before. I’ve told so many, it’s hard to remember. When I was a little girl, I desperately wanted a pair of black, patent leather Mary Janes. Mom took me to the shoe store and the only pair they had left was a half size too small. When my mom told the man we’d keep looking. I had a major meltdown. To my little overdramatic self, that meant I would NEVER, EVER get them! Mom caved and bought them for me and forced me to wear them for a month till I was broken of that behavior. 

\n

Well, maybe. 

\n

Monday evening, I went over to Mr. FixIt’s and mowed till it got too dark to do it safely. I went in to get a cold drink and was sitting on the sofa when I saw them. An army of stink bugs! Do you think either of us could have possibly remembered what arrives in WV on the 1st of October? Nooooooo. Hot on their stinky little heels will be the Asian Lady Bugs. Oy! Both of these little boogers swarm en masse and I can just imagine myself walking down the aisle looking like a Ninja as they swarm and land in my hair! 

\n

Breathe. 

\n

OmmmmmmmMyGosh!!!!

\n

I put an urgent message out on FB. “Is there anything to keep these things at bay for a few hours?” I got lots of suggestions, including changing the wedding date. No! Absolutely not! I want my “patent leather shoes”, darn it!

\n

Here’s how I’m going to deal with this. We’ve managed to pull together a beautiful wedding in less than a month. The average cost of a wedding in the US today is $27,000. Ours is going to be gorgeous for far less than 10% of that. (Did I tell you I used to do this for a living? Mr. Virgo taught me well!) Everything is ordered. The tent comes the 10th giving us plenty of time to decorate it. I’m going to smoke the pork butts this weekend for the pulled pork, bag it and pop it in the freezer till Wednesday. Then late Saturday morning it goes in a slow oven to finish off. I have plenty of helpers coming that Friday and Saturday. I have a final fitting on the dress next Wednesday and it will be ready to pick up Friday. We can get the coleslaw and buns that afternoon. The sodas go in the fridge Friday and on ice in the galvanized tubs Saturday. The photographer arrives at 2:00. The cake gets delivered at 3:00. 

\n

See? Everything that I CAN control is under control. The rest of it I can do nothing about. Weather OR bugs. And…it will be perfect. I was thinking about this “instant gratification” thing and my word for the year….presence…popped into my head. This is my last wedding. Seriously. I’m never doing this again. I want to stay in the moment and memorize it all. We want to enjoy this, not stress out about it.  So, that’s just what I’m going to do. 

\n

I really didn’t like those patent leather Mary Janes anyway. ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-03T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/03/instant-gratification.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Change","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/30/plan-b.html", "title": "Plan B", "content_html": "

\"Ivory “My Plan A. On to Plan B.”

\n
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”  James 1:5 ESV
\nIt was so pretty on the hanger, but...true confession...I didn’t try the dress on at the Country Living Fair. For one this, there was one dressing room consisting of four curtains and a mirror and a long line. It was ninety-one degrees. And I was working the booth. I thought for sure it would fit. It was way too big, but beyond that, the style just was not flattering on me. I was SO disappointed. Then I kinda freaked a little. We live in a small town and there aren’t a whole lot of options here for purchasing formal attire. \n

I jumped on Pinterest and searched for “wedding dresses for the mature bride”. Apparently, a “mature” bride is 35 because that’s how old the women were modeling the dresses. And a lot of the dresses looked matronly. I really don’t want to look like the grandmother of the bride. I AM the bride, and by golly, I’m going to look like one!

\n

I drove to town and prayed on the way. 

\n

“Lord, thank you for all of your provision. I want to thank you for having the perfect dress waiting for me at the first shop I stop at today. It needs to be on sale, Lord. And I don’t want to pay over $____ for it. Oh, and if possible, I want to look like a queen. Amen”

\n

I pulled into the first shop on my route. We tried a couple dresses off the rack but they neither one suited me. Then Julie, the attendant, directed me to the sale rack. She said, “I think this just might work. Try this.” It was a size 12. My heart sank. I’ve put on 15 pounds from the steroids I was on for two weeks. But I was game to try. 

\n

She helped me into the dress and when I came out and looked at myself in the mirror, I cried. Ok, I made a little 14 year old girl who was in the shop cry, ok? This dress is stunning. Nothing like I imagined I would have…or want. But, when I asked the attendant how much it was, it was $1.00 below the price I told God I could pay! We’re going to do a little fitting and then it will be perfect. I’m  inot sharing any other details because that man of mine reads my blog and he won’t see the dress until I walk out to the tent. So you’ll just have to wait, too! 

\n

You always need a Plan B and sometimes, YOUR Plan B was God’s plan all along! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-30T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/30/plan-b.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Aging","Choices","Change","Starting Over","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/27/not-today-devil.html", "title": "Not Today, Devil!", "content_html": "

\"Sunset\" “I think Mr. Virgo was smiling at me today!”

\n
“And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, \"This is the way, walk in it,\" when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.”  Isaiah 30:21 ESV
\nFor those of you who have been reading this blog from the beginning, you will remember my reticence to mention God in my posts. I was very, very busy trying to make sure I didn’t offend anyone. And, of course, that is still very much my focus. But as time has passed, I have let God into my writing more and more. I always SAID I was a faith-based writer, but I really wasn’t walking the talk. That all changed one day when I got a text from God in church. That was a great story. Anyway, I’m all about Jesus anymore and I just let out what needs to come out and I don’t worry so much about it anymore.\n

Our Pastor frequently talks about what happens when you are truly a Christ follower. What happens when you make God the center of your life. He always says, “If you put God at the center of your life…are truly following him with all your heart…watch out! Because there’s nothing the enemy hates more than someone putting God before anything else. He attacks and causes all kinds of destruction and whispers lies 24/7 trying to convince you if God REALLY loved you…these bad things wouldn’t be happening. And, of course, it isn’t true. Nothing the enemy says is true.

\n

Mr. FixIt’s truck had a recall and when they started tearing it apart, they found all kinds of other things wrong. He’s going up today to have a look at it with the mechanics and make a decision. Then, after I helped Mr. FixIt with some things around The Ponderosa yesterday, I drove to the farm. By the time I got there, my wheels were squealing really loud. I had hit a pot hole on this wretched road just before, so I have no idea what’s going on.

\n

I know exactly what is happening here. I was led by God to do the right thing and moved back to the farm till after the wedding. I can feel it to my bones that it’s the right thing to do. And then…the enemy strikes! First, Mr. FixIt’s truck then mine. In the week after we put God first. It is so clear. However, I’ll tell you like my friend, DaShara says…”Not today, Devil…I am a Child of God!” 

\n

I know we’re on the right path. And the enemy can throw roadblocks up every step of the way, but we will persevere. We will not be deterred by the likes of him! He who lives within me is greater than he who lives in the world. Everything will work out with an even greater outcome than previously imagined. Amen! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-27T01:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/27/not-today-devil.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/25/a-change-of-status.html", "title": "A Change of Status", "content_html": "

\"Engagement “The change from “widow” to “engaged” deserves a moment of reflection.”

\n
““Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”  Matthew 7:7 NIV
\nI did something monumental yesterday. I changed my relationship status on Facebook from “widow” to “engaged”. Ok, in the grand scheme of things, that’s not really monumental...but it IS, you know?\n

Some people change their relationship status like they change their shoes. I remember that first attempt at “dating” after Mr. Virgo died. It was (I’m embarrassed to say) only five months after he died. I know, I know. Plenty of my friends and my family were like…”WTH are you DOING???” What I was doing was putting a tourniquet on my hemorrhaging heart. I went so far as to change my relationship status and knew immediately that was a HUGE error in judgment. Let’s face it…when you are grieving, good judgment goes out the window for quite some time.

\n

It wasn’t long till the status went back to “widow” and there it has stayed for the last five years. When I tell my story, I start out with “My husband and I had decided life was too short to wait for retirement to have some fun…” Always the same. I’ve had people misunderstand my story for “wallowing in my grief”. That isn’t it at all…at least not after a couple of years. I tell my story so that others may not feel so alone in their grief. So that others may learn that when grief strikes, you don’t have to crawl into a ball and stay there forever. I tell my story to give people hope that there is life in spite of grief.

\n

It’s not like I haven’t thought about changing my status before now. After all, Mr. FixIt and I have been engaged for over a year. And, it has nothing to do with my feelings for him. I love him dearly and want to be with him the rest of my life. It’s just five little letters, but widow is what I’ve related to for five-and-a-half years. It does not define me anymore, but it will always be a part of who I am. I was fiddling around on Facebook yesterday and just had this flash. 

\n

“You’re getting married in nineteen days, girlfriend. It’s time.” Without giving it a second thought, I went from “widow” to “engaged”. Then I sat and looked at it. Wow. This is huge. Yet, not. Yet, it is. I’m finally ready to put “widow” in second place. And now, when I tell my Mr. Virgo story, it will start out with “My late-husband and I decided…” 

\n

I’m making a concerted shift in consciousness. My focus will be more forward-thinking. My posts will have lots of new stories and color and joy and adventure. It feels like I’m leaving something behind, though. That’s one reason I’ve been staying over at the farm alone a lot lately. I need some alone time to process that. To package it up and set it on a shelf. I can still reach it. I can still take it out and look at it. I’m just not going to sit with it in my lap so much. This is all about healing and moving forward and letting go. The shift from one status to the other deserves a moment of honor and reflection. It’s good. It’s all so very good. ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-25T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/25/a-change-of-status.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Starting Over","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/22/a-change-is-gonna-come.html", "title": "A Change is Gonna Come...", "content_html": "

\"Changing “A change is coming. Can you feel it?”

\n
“Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find? The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.”  Proverbs 20:6-7 NIV
\nYesterday, I told you there were some big decisions I’ve been working on the last few months. Today, I want to talk with you about one of them. The most important one. This is a REALLY long post...but hang in there with me. You won’t be sorry.\n

Not long after Mr. FixIt and I became a serious item, God started working on me. For a long time, whenever I walk into church, I say a little prayer. I always say, “Lord, if there is a personal message you have for me today, please anoint the Pastor’s words so he can deliver it to me.” Countless times, God answers my plea and the Pastor will literally come to the front of the stage, stand right in front of me, look me straight in the eye, and say something that is unmistakably personal. Something exactly about what I’ve been working on, or worrying over. I would say it’s uncanny, but what it really is…is supernatural. Our God is a supernatural God. He listens, and He communicates…through the Holy Spirit. Through a total stranger. Through your Guardian Angel. If He has a message, and you ask Him to tell you loud and clear, He doesn’t need a megaphone. He’ll beat you over the head with it if it’s something you truly need.

\n

From the time Mr. FixIt and I got serious, I’ve been getting messages from God that we shouldn’t be living together without being married. I have to be honest…this has never bothered me before. I’m a product of the ‘60s and I never had a problem living with someone before we got married. But this time is different. It’s been wearing on me. And I think I’ve figured out why.

\n

The biggest reason is my faith has grown exponentially since Mr. Virgo died. I had to make God the center of my life in order to survive that loss. In order to not feel so alone. And God has drawn me ever so close to Him. He has guarded me and protected me. He has led me through some terribly difficult times. He has been my rock…my anchor. In the past, that has not been the case. My relationship with my husband was my focus. My relationship with God suffered and therefore I suffered. And I wasn’t even aware of it.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I keep God at the center of our relationship. Or…so I would love for everyone to believe. See, here’s the thing. You’re either all in with God. Or, you’re not. That’s why I’ve been feeling off about cohabitation. Now, there is the issue of widow’s benefits. I had been told when I first went to Social Security after Mr. Virgo died, that if I remarried I would lose my widow’s benefits. I’ve kept that information in my mind all this time without questioning. Until last weekend.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I have spent a great deal of time apart in the last month between being sick and in the hospital, camping with the Girl Campers, and going to Country Living Fair. The reason I took my camper up with me and camped alone instead of bunking with my gal pals was…I needed some alone time with God. These wonderful women I was with are two of my strongest Christian friends. They mentor me. They are sounding boards for me when I have questions. They are my fellow prayer warriors when I need them. I confessed how I was feeling and they talked with me about it.

\n

While camping alone, I prayed deeply. I told God my worries. I told him I totally trust in Him and that I know without question that He will provide for me. But I’ve been so worried about losing my widow’s benefits because my own Social Security is paltry. I was a stay-at-home mom, so I didn’t make a lot of money in my lifetime. Mr. Virgo, however, worked in 5-Star resorts and restaurants all his career. He died before touching his Social Security. My benefits through him are far more than my own. Not enough to live in the lap of luxury, mind you. But enough to live on if I were extremely frugal. I asked God to give me a sign that I wouldn’t lose my benefits if I remarried.

\n

Then, I listened. “Google. What happens to widow’s benefits if you remarry?” Simple enough, right? I mean, why didn’t I think to Google that a long time ago? Because….it wasn’t the right time. Mr. FixIt asked me to marry him just a month after we started dating. It was too soon. We needed to get to know each other more. We needed to grow together in our faith. And, I needed more time to work through my grief. This was God’s perfect timing. I Googled the question and page after page of answers came back. “If you remarry after the age of 60, you will NOT lose your widow’s benefits.” Wow! The reason it stuck in my head so long ago was, I was only 59 when Mr. Virgo died. They told me if I remarried, I would lose my benefits. But that was THEN. Grief brain didn’t allow the rest of it to soak in. 

\n

I sat back…stunned by this revelation. I looked up and said, “Thank you, God. That’s all I needed to know!” Then I texted Mr. FixIt.

\n

“I miss you. Let’s get married.”

\n

Without missing a beat, he wrote back. “OK! We’ll set a date when you get home! What prompted this?”

\n

“God.” I said.

\n

So, we set a date! Yes, my lovely Ranchers…we’re getting MARRIED!!!

\n

Ohhhhh….Emmmmmm…..Geeeeeeeee!!!

\n

I’m all in. I can’t, in good conscience, profess my faith AND live in a way that I feel, for me, is counter to that. So I’m following my conscience and God’s clear instructions to marry this very wonderful man that He sent me. We chose October 13th as our wedding day. When I was looking through the calendar, the 13th jumped out at me. I seemed to remember it being a family anniversary. I looked up on my family tree and indeed…it was my Grandma and PopPop’s anniversary! Those two in whose bedroom I am currently propped up, writing to you! PopPop died on my mom’s birthday…August 26th. Just seven weeks before their 50th Wedding Anniversary. I know how terribly sad I was when Mr. Virgo died just three weeks shy of our 6th anniversary. I can’t imagine what my grandma went through losing her forever sweetheart so close to such a monumental event. I am thrilled we can celebrate our wedding on their special day!

\n

So, there it is, my friends. A change is gonna come. Will I still be a widow? Yes, I will always and forever be a widow. AND, I will be a wife again. Never in my wildest dreams would I have anticipated something so precious happening again. I know Mr. Virgo had a hand in this. He and God stopped at the 9th or 10th hole one day when they were playing a round of golf. 

\n

“Hey, look down there at that beautiful woman. Do you think we can send her someone to love who will love her back with the white-hot heat of the sun?”

\n

And God said…”Ha! Watch this!” ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-22T01:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/22/a-change-is-gonna-come.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/20/the-velvet-blue-of-dusk.html", "title": "The Velvet Blue of Dusk", "content_html": "\"\"\n
“\"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”  Matthew 6:34 ESV
\nThis is the time of year where the days are noticeably shorter, yet the weather still screams “summer”. After a lovely day at the farm, Mr. FixIt and I had to drive back over to his house to get my truck. He has a job to do in town the next few days and we didn’t even think of having two vehicles till yesterday afternoon. I love having him around. I also love some alone time at the farm. I have the best of all worlds. \n

I threw some old carrots out on the lawn where the deer were gathered the other night. I sat out on the front porch at sunset to watch for them to come get their treat. As I sat there waiting, I tuned my ears to the sounds around me. There was a cardinal darting in the underbrush along the creek….chattering at the cats who must be nearby. Tree frogs, katydids, and locusts provided a chorus for free. I haven’t heard crickets here like I usually do. They didn’t show up at the Ponderosa till earlier this month. I thought that was odd. 

\n

I heard a passenger jet flying high overhead as we are on a flight path to somewhere. The occasional vehicle passes. Thankfully the traffic has slowed considerably due to the stage of construction on the pipeline and compressor station. And, of course, the condition of the road warrants slowing down. 

\n

There are very few flowers in bloom now. There is some sort of small purple flower in the ditch along the driveway. Some leaves are changing already. The dogwood have hints of pink and crimson. The berries on them aren’t red yet. There are little flashes of yellow at the tips of some branches on the hillside across the road. The incessant humming of the refrigerator is in the background. 

\n

This is the time of year when I am called out to the front porch to soak in every moment I can before Jack Frost sends me indoors. There wasn’t a breath of a breeze. The humidity was nearly 60%. It was still 84 degrees at 7:00pm. A Jenny Wren scolded the neighbor as he took his dog for a walk around the perimeter of his property. The wild turkeys in the woods across the way have gone to roost. 

\n

Another day is done. I’ve avoided the news. I’ve embraced the peaceful surroundings at the farm. I’ve seen pictures loved ones have shared. This little one had her first day of Girl Scouts. That one is recovering from surgery. Another one was out feeding the chickens. I am filled with grace and a peace beyond understanding. It is well. It is well…with my soul. ❤️

\n

 

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-20T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/20/the-velvet-blue-of-dusk.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Presence","Change","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/12/out-of-the-mouths-of.html", "title": "Out of the Mouths of Babes", "content_html": "

\"Human “Craving human touch after loss is one of the most painful aspects of grief.”

\n
“I’m so grateful to Christ Jesus for making me adequate to do this work. He went out on a limb, you know, in trusting me with this ministry. The only credentials I brought to it were invective and witch hunts and arrogance. But I was treated mercifully because I didn’t know what I was doing—didn’t know Who I was doing it against! Grace mixed with faith and love poured over me and into me. And all because of Jesus.”  1 Timothy 1:12-14 MSG
\nMy younger granddaughter is my mini-me. Creative, funny, and incredibly intuitive, she just seems to “get me”. And she knows when to contact me and say just the right thing. Monday was Mr. Virgo’s birthday, and while the day itself did not carry the painful weight it has in the past, I still could not ignore the feelings in my heart as I remembered such a wonderful man and the passage of time without him. Then, last night... “Little” contacted me via text. \n

“What was Papa’s last name?” she asked.

\n

“McKinney, sweetheart. Same as mine.”

\n

“He was a ghost on a video.”

\n

“What? What video???”

\n

“A video I saw last week. I just remembered to tell you. A medium was talking and a man with Papa’s name spoke out and said he was there. He said he died of a heart attack. He said the woman reminded him of his wife because she was creative and funny. I know it was him and I just wanted to tell you…he’s not really gone.”

\n

Wow. 

\n

She was only five when her Papa died. Yet she was the one who gave me the most comfort. She held my heart in a special way that only she and I could understand. She kept a sacred space between us where her Papa and my Mr. Virgo could live forever and never be forgotten. She is so special. She had no way of remembering that Monday had been his birthday. Yet, she knew to reach out.

\n

Thinking back over the years since he died, I remember how hard it was to miss his physical presence. I missed his hugs the very most. The way he would fold me into his chest, the top of my head tucked just under his chin. The smell of leather and tobacco and wood coming from his sweater. The sudden absence of that left a gaping hole in my life. I have always been a hugger. One of the reasons my second marriage fell apart was because Hubby #2 wasn’t. He hadn’t been raised that way. But Mr. Virgo gave me all the hugs I wanted.

\n

I went on the search for physical contact after Mr. Virgo died. I tried dating a couple of guys and that was a catastrophe. Way too soon, way wrong people. I got hugs at church. I cruised the downtown shops and the mall in my little town looking for people I knew who would hold me for that extra long hug that makes casual acquaintances uncomfortable. I have a brother/friend who was wonderful…if I texted him at 3:00am, he would answer right away with “Where are you?” “In the camper,” I replied. “Be right there.” He would saunter over from his house a few blocks away, climb in the camper with me, and we would snuggle up in the corner under a blanket and I would show him pictures on my iPad while he wrapped his arms around me tight. No expectations. Nothing sexual. Just unconditional brotherly love and compassion. I will never forget his kindness. I got a prescription from my doctor for weekly massages to keep myself anchored. I visited my children and my brother as often as I could. I traveled and stayed with gentle friends who held my heart. And, eventually, I could stand up on my own again. I didn’t NEED quite so much. I didn’t ACHE quite so hard.

\n

I was at a place of acceptance when I came back to West Virginia to live on the farm two years ago. I was at peace with my life and felt more centered than I probably ever had. That’s not to say I didn’t want someone in my life…I did. I’m a people person and I do better with a tribe. But I was getting ok with not having someone around all the time. Then…along came Mr. FixIt. And let me tell you…he is a hugger extraordinaire. When we first started dating, we would just sit and hug each other for hours. We’d talk and tell stories and just BE together. One day, he whispered…”This is medicine for the soul.” He was right, it was. It still is.

\n

I know I’m blessed. I know what a gift this is. Late life love is precious. I just read a tweet from the author, Anne Lamott. She was watching the US Open with her love a couple of days ago when he said, “Can I ask you a question?” “Oh, sure,” she said, thinking it was something about the carport they were building. “Will you marry me?” She’s 64. He’s 63. “God is SUCH a show-off!” she said. I know not everyone wants another love after loss. I know some want it and it doesn’t come. I struggle sometimes sharing my joy while balancing sensitivity for others’ pain. My point is to always strive for hope. Always search for joy. No matter what that looks like for you…alone, together, screaming from the mountain tops, or cloistered in the stacks of a really great library. Whatever your bliss…my wish for you is that you find it. In spades! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-12T01:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/12/out-of-the-mouths-of.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/04/how-to-breathe.html", "title": "How To Breathe", "content_html": "

\"Breathe\" “Breathing good air after breathing through a wet sponge is such an incredible feeling of health!”

\n
““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”  Matthew 11:28-29 NIV
\nWhen I was a teenager, one of my biggest joys was to make my mom laugh. Mom had a difficult life. She had a son with a developmental disability and a husband who drank too much and was not around. And then...she had me. I wasn’t a bad kid, mind you. But I am convinced I had ADHD and was quite the handful...always into something and using my smart mouth to my disadvantage at every turn. So, when I got old enough to discover I could make her laugh, I did so at every opportunity.\n

Somewhere along the way, I realized when she laughed hard, she would go into a coughing fit. It’s normal to have some coughing after laughing hard as the nerves that control laughter are the same as those that control coughing. As a clueless teenage, that only added to the mirth, but as an adult, I now realize she had a “reactive airway”…a non-medical term that is kind of a placeholder for asthma that hasn’t been diagnosed. 

\n

I have the same thing. It usually doesn’t give me any trouble unless I exercise in the cold, or I get a particularly bad cold and the virus kicks my airway into hyperdrive. I tighten up and cant breathe. I cough till I hear the blood rushing through my ears. Usually, the cough is unproductive, meaning I can’t get anything to come up. There is a whole regimen to follow when this happens, but it has been so long since it’s happened, I forgot what it was. Beside the steroids, which I truly do not like, there are inhalers to use…one that is a rescue inhaler that immediately starts to open up an airway that is locked down in spasms, and the other that carries a steroid that treats the lining of the bronchial tubes and eases the inflammation.

\n

The very best thing to use is Mucinex. I don’t know why I didn’t even think to try that last week. I’ve been taking antihistamines all summer for allergies so my lungs were sort of like wet cement. When I got so sick Friday night, it was like trying to breathe through a wet sponge. Once I got the steroids and breathing treatments and some antibiotics in my, I could breathe again. Then the Mucinex finally kicked in and…well, without getting into gory details, let’s just said there was a lot of clearing out the pipes in my my lungs and I can now breathe much freer.

\n

You do not know how bad you have felt until you feel better. I was telling Mr. FixIt yesterday that this is the first time all summer that I have actually felt like I want to get up and go do something fun. I battled gastritis and other stomach issues since last spring that really put me down. Anything I ate upset my stomach and I constantly had a gnawing pain in the upper area of my abdomen. The happy little side effect of all those medicines they gave me in the hospital seems to be my stomach issues have cleared up. No more pain. No more nausea. And, I ate a cheeseburger for dinner last night and it didn’t kill me! 

\n

I share an awful lot of personal stuff here, I know. But I figure if others have some of the same grief symptoms I have and I can help with that, maybe there’s someone out there suffering with the same sort of stomach issues that can see a doctor and get some help. I’m not a doctor and I can’t recommend treatments, but I can share what happened to me and hope it helps others. As Ram Dass says…”We are all just walking each other home.” ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-04T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/04/how-to-breathe.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/01/what-do-you-do-with.html", "title": "What Do You Do With HIS Stuff?", "content_html": "

\"Gentleman “Mr. Virgo dressed for the Ritz Carlton.”

\n
“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  Psalm 34:17-18 NIV
\nWe had a good discussion here yesterday about downsizing...a topic near and dear to my heart and one not everyone is interested in. I get that. We like our stuff...it brings back memories, it is proof of what we worked for. But, what do we do with HIS stuff? If you’ve watch any rom/com, you’ll see women throwing the guys stuff out the upstairs window and burning it on the lawn if infidelity or divorce are involved. While I don’t necessarily recommend that, I can see how it would be cathartic. Usually the man takes care of his own stuff in a breakup. That can’t happen when death is involved.\n

When I was newly widowed, I walked in a daze for weeks. I couldn’t imagine going through Mr. Virgo’s stuff and getting rid of anything. I would often stand in his closet, wrap myself in his clothes that smelled of leather and tobacco and Halston and woods. I grieved to my very core, holding onto the last things he touched. I did this for a few weeks. Then I took off in my little camper for three months. 

\n

When I returned, I had screamed and cried out a lot of my initial grief up on the mountaintops. I realized standing in the closet wrapped in his clothes wasn’t healthy for me. My daughter was a teacher at a poor, inner-city school that had a program for young men. They provided a suit and interview training so they would have a better chance at landing good jobs. When I heard about this, something inside me smiled. I knew Mr. Virgo would love to have his suits used for such a purpose. This gave me the impetus to go through his closet. I saved a couple of sweaters, my favorite ties, and his leather bomber jacket. The rest I bagged up. 

\n

When I woke up the next day, I reached for my phone and saw message after message on my feed…Happy Father’s Day! I sat up and looked around. All of his clothes were in bags on the floor surrounding the bed. And I had no one to hug for Father’s Day. I always had a bag packed to impromptu camping trips so I went out and hooked up TOW-Wanda and headed for the hills for a few days.

\n

When I got home, I carried the bags out to the car and carted them around for a couple of weeks just to make sure I was really ready to let go. Once I was convinced, I delivered them to my daughter. I would have loved to have heard the stories of successful job interviews!

\n

Once the closet was cleaned out, it wasn’t a big stretch to go through his dresser and get rid of his underwear and socks. I never felt like I was invading his privacy until I got to the top drawer of the highboy and his briefcase. That bothered me. I felt like I was snooping. I knew I had to go through them because there were papers in there that I might need. I did find some things I wasn’t expecting. There were a couple of charge accounts I didn’t know about. And there was an envelope with his and another woman’s name on it addressed to the house he lived in before he moved to Aspen. At first, I was upset by this. I thought I knew everything about him. Then I realized that he didn’t know everything about me either. We were in our mid-50’s when we met. A lot of water had gone under the bridge before we ever set eyes on each other. The new information didn’t change a thing about our relationship. It was still wonderful. So, I let it go.

\n

My way of cleaning out his closet may not be your way. And that is perfectly fine. We all walk down this path in our own way, in our own time. If it’s ten weeks or ten months or ten years, you do what you need to do. I will lay this down here though, and you can pick it up or not. There is a wonderful organization called Career Gear. You can donate suits and business casual clothes to them and they provide training, professional clothing, and mentorship to men in need so they can get good jobs and provide for their families. I saw a story about them, I believe on Sunday Morning. This would be a good place to donate your husband’s clothing. Or, you may find something similar in your area. It’s just a thought.

\n

careergear.org/get-invol…

\n

Another alternative is creating a memory quilt or pillow from items of his clothing. My friend Steve did this. He had memory quilts made for his three kids and teddy bears for his nine grandchildren…all from his late wife’s clothes. It was a wonderful way to memorialize Nana for her family. I don’t know anything about this particular site, but it’s an example.

\n

https://www.toocooltshirtquilts.com/blog/dealing-with-the-clothing-of-a-passed-loved-one

\n

I hope you find your way through this difficult step with peace…no matter when you decide to do it. Just remember to do it your way. Don’t let anyone tell you how or when. ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-01T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/01/what-do-you-do-with.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","Wisdom","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/31/here-i-go-again.html", "title": "Here I Go Again...", "content_html": "

\"Storage “All that’s left of forty year’s accumulation.”

\n
“a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,”  Ecclesiastes 3:6 NIV
\nThis stuff was out of sight, out of mind for much of the last three years. My very sweet friend, Steve, let me store this in his basement. He seldom went down there, it was clean and dry, and it was safe and secure. On occasion, I would go over and gather a few boxes and bring them to the farm. Winter clothes, camping gear, important papers, pictures...little by little, things were sorted and either saved or sent on to live with someone else via a charitable organization.\n

Steve was never in a hurry to reclaim the space I was using because, as a widower, he didn’t have any more enthusiasm for going through things than I did. Over the years, his kids have brought things to store and the basement became more and more crowded and cluttered. Last Christmas was the straw that broke the camel’s back when he had to crawl over things to get to his outdoor decorations. We agreed I would have everything out this summer. As you know, summers are so hot and sticky in West Virginia. And I traveled a lot. And I had surgery. And Steve works weird hours. One thing led to another and I didn’t get it done. I promised everything would be out by the end of August. 

\n

So, there it is. Other than a few things at the Ponderosa, my two campers, and my pickup…everything I own is sitting right here. This is all that’s left after the purging of forty years of accumulation and selling my house. It’s been a full four years since I downsized and I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I need to be happy. I thought I’d share a few observations here today.

\n
    \n
  1. \n

    I’ve learned downsizing is not for everyone. That’s ok. People love their stuff. They worked hard for it. They find comfort in it. I get that. I was really on a bandwagon when I faced downsizing, not only as a lifestyle choice, but as a necessity. I preached “Live with less!” Vehemently. My fervor hasn’t died for me personally, but I now realize I came across as perhaps a little insensitive to those who cherish their personal belongings. If that is you, I apologize. 

    \n
    2. \n
  2. \n

    I have a few…but very few…regrets. First, if I had known my stint at the farm helping out my elderly aunt was only going to last 10 weeks, I very likely wouldn’t have purchased such a big travel trailer. I really miss Little TOW-Wanda. At 16’, she was easy to pick up and go with at a moment’s notice. Not so much with the big behemoth that is TOW-Wanda Grande. Second, there are a few pieces of furniture I parted with that I would love to have now. But, I never would have dreamed I would fall in love again and live the life I am living now. Besides, I really do have everything I need.

    \n
    3. \n
  3. \n

    And, speaking of falling in love again, I have a significant other who hasn’t fallen in love with the idea of simplifying…yet. We are in the early stages of discussing the merits of downsizing, and he is beginning to understand that means you don’t get to keep everything. I totally understand where he is with that. I held onto my stuff for a long, long time…even when my spouse(s) hated the clutter. Mr. FixIt is coming around. It has to be at his pace, at his comfort level, or I’ll come across as trying to make him get rid of everything. I remember what that feels like and it’s isn’t nice.

    \n
    4. \n
  4. \n

    When you have less stuff to take care of, you have more money and time to get out and enjoy the fun things in life. That is the best lesson I’ve learned from my own experience downsizing.

    \n
    5. \n
  5. \n

    Remembering to be grateful for what I DO have keeps me from missing what I don’t. It keeps me thinking in terms of abundance rather than deprivation.

    \n
    6. \n
\n

Now I face these boxes. Part of me says if I haven’t opened them in four years, what possible use do I have for their contents? I could just take them to a shelter…or to the dump. But, of course, I cannot do that. I have to go through them. I can, and will, be ruthless as I pick and choose what must be kept, what can be given to family members who would appreciate the memories, and what can go to someone else who will love them as much as I did. This is now my cold weather project. I’ll have it done as soon as possible because, I had the farmhouse clean and neat and tidy. I want it back that way quickly.

\n

I find an uncluttered environment equates to an uncluttered life for me. It eases my mind and will certainly make things easier for whoever will be in charge of going through my stuff when I’m dead and gone. I promised myself, and my kids, that I would never leave them with a mess like I was left with when my mom died. As wonderful as she was, she was a pack rat of the highest order and it was such a chore to clean out her house AND deal with the grief of losing her. I don’t want to do that to anyone. So, here I go again! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-08-31T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/31/here-i-go-again.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","TOW-Wanda!","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Presence","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/28/just-when-i-thought-it.html", "title": "Just When I thought It Was Allergies", "content_html": "

\"just just when I thought it was allergies…it’s a cold.

\n
“Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.”   Psalms 103:2-3 NLT
\nMy “allergies” turned into a full fledged cold yesterday. That didn’t stop me. We had to pick up two loads of my “stuff” from my friend Steve’s house and take it out to the farm. We had a chiropractor appointment first. Then a couple of errands. Then picking up the stuff.\n

When I made the decision to sell my house, downsized 95% of my personal belongings, and move halfway across the country, it had literally whittled my possessions down to what I felt was the bare necessities. When things went south with my aunt on the farm, I needed to leave and couldn’t take my stuff with me. Enter my dear friend, Mr. Steve. His wife and I were friends in school. She passed away not too long before I moved to WV. When Steve learned I didn’t have anyplace to put my stuff, he suggested I leave it in his basement. That was four years ago. He needs his space back. And I need to face another 5% of stuff and figure out if I need it or not. 

\n

We spent the better part of yesterday loading up my truck and carting the stuff to the farm. I figure it’s better to have it out there where I have the space to spread out and go through things. I can’t believe I have downsized this much already and I’m still not done. I look at this stuff that I never even thought of over those years. It’s easy to start thinking dumpster.

\n

And, as I finished the second load, I stretched out on grandma’s bed and promptly fell asleep. When I woke up, I had a fever and I officially have a cold. Ugh. Too much to do to be sick. But I will go to sleep without a fight tonight. ❤️

\n", "date_published": "2018-08-28T01:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/28/just-when-i-thought-it.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/27/my-phone-is-alive.html", "title": "My Phone is Alive", "content_html": "

\"Do “My iPhone is learning!”

\n
“The time is coming when everything that is covered up will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all. Whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be shouted from the housetops for all to hear!”  Luke 12:2-3 NLT
\nMy iPhone scares me. It’s learning stuff. I have it set to “Do Not Disturb” so I won’t be tempted to read an incoming text while I’m driving. I programmed a whole contact list into my phone once while driving to Utah. Granted, there wasn’t any traffic and nothing to see on that desolate stretch of highway, but that was just plain stupid. I’ve learned a lot since then. But, then again...so has my phone!\n

Along with the “Do Not Disturb” message comes an estimated time of arrival at my destination. And how does my phone know where I am, you ask? I wondered the same thing, so I did some searching. 

\n

First of all, the “Do Not Disturb” message is triggered by the phone connecting to the Bluetooth in your vehicle. I thought it was totally psychic, so I was a little disappointed when I discovered this little tidbit. Then, if you have your map set to connect to your GPS, your phone will estimate how long it will take you to get to the place you go to most often. In my case, home. Then, yesterday…it changed.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I have a routine. We have a leisurely Sunday morning. Then we go to the noon service at our church. After church, we head to Shoney’s for breakfast. My phone usually tells me how long it will take me to get home and what the traffic is like on the way. Yesterday…it switched. It told me how long it would take me to Shoney’s. It’s learning. It knows where I’m going.

\n

How many times have you gotten on Facebook or Google and suddenly…miraculously…a topic you’ve been wanting to research shows up. In an ad. In a search. In a “recommended” button. It’s creepy. But it’s easily explained. 

\n

When you download an app, there is a Terms Agreement you have to accept in order to install it on your phone. Sometimes that thing is over five pages of tiny typeface that is impossible to read, even if you wanted to…which, who does, right? You tap “accept”, download the app, and you’re in business. The problem is, you have no idea what you gave the app permission to do. One of the most common things tucked in that app is “permission to access the microphone”. That means, at anytime, for any reason, the company that developed or owns the app can access you microphone and listen in to your conversations. Over dinner. At work. While you are….ahem…otherwise engaged. Wink, wink. Let’s say you’ve given an app permission to access your microphone and you have a conversation with your best friend about a party that’s coming up and you need a fancy dress. Lo and behold, the next time you go on Facebook or Google or Amazon, up pops ads and suggestions for fancy party dresses.

\n

Ok, maybe it can make life easier. But what’s it going to save you? A few seconds…a minute, at the most? I don’t need my life to be simplified in that way. I don’t want the intrusion into my personal life. I have changed my mind about many apps I’ve downloaded. I’ve denied permission and hit delete more than once. We’ve gone way past “1984” here. I don’t want my iPhone (or any other electronic device) learning any more about me than I am will to share with it over coffee. ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-08-27T01:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/27/my-phone-is-alive.html", "tags": ["Fear","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/21/organizationally-challenged.html", "title": "Organizationally Challenged", "content_html": "

\"Clutter\" “Ironic…Oprah’s De-Clutter issue on top of one of my piles. Oy!”

\n
“But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.”  2 Chronicles 15:7 NIV
\nI am a well rounded individual. I know how to do a lot of different things. I know my way around a tool box, I can do just about any crafty thing, I can tow a camper across the country and back...several times. But, I’ve got to tell you...organization is NOT in my skill set. This is an old photo, taken in the “junk room” at the house I shared with Mr. Virgo when we lived in Denver. A lot of what you see here are art supplies and various papers...records, receipts, ephemera. Some of it was my mother’s and grandmother’s. But the biggest majority was my crap that I hauled around from house to house, paying perfectly good money to have it moved rather than bite the bullet and downsize. \n

In those days, downsizing was inconceivable to me. This was my STUFF! And, just like my first two husbands, Mr. Virgo hated it. Why do you think I call him Mr. Virgo? He and my second husband both were Virgos. Highly organized. Highly intolerant of piles. I, however, was all about the sparklies. I have the attention span of a toddler. 

\n

Downsizing was a really great step for me. I got rid of 95% of my personal belongings, but I still own too much stuff. At least that part is manageable now. My biggest challenge now is keeping track of papers I need. I have probably six tote bags in the bottom of the guest room closet filled with papers. That is a real problem when you need to find something specific. I bought a plastic tub and a box of hanging file folders and spent yesterday morning filing papers. I still have a long way to go. I’ll probably need a second box but progress is progress. 

\n

After it cooled down some, I mowed the four acres at the Ponderosa while Mr. FixIt worked on his camper that he’s selling. One of the jacks was bent and it took him over two hours to get the old one off and put the new one on. The new one was “universal”, meaning it should fit any camper. Nope. Poor guy had to lay under the camper and drill new holes to fit the mounting brackets. We finished working at the same time…just before dark. It made for a long, but satisfying day. It feels good when you accomplish things. ?

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-08-21T01:30:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/21/organizationally-challenged.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Growth","Downsizing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/20/into-the-wilderness.html", "title": "Into the Wilderness", "content_html": "

\"Colorado\" “The wilderness of Colorado offered me a place of solace to grieve.”

\n
“Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.”  Matthew 4:1 NIV
\nWhen Mr. Virgo died and I went alone into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado for three months, I was often faced with views such as this. Vast expanses of wilderness, as far as the eye could see. I could go days without seeing another soul. It was what my heart needed...to walk alone with God. To seek quiet counsel with my Father who could comfort me like no other. To feel free to express my emotions in ways that could release the pain and anguish without constraint. It was all part of the life-altering experience of loss and healing.\n

Pastor Justin spoke yesterday of what happened to Jesus after he was baptized. In Matthew, Chapter 4, Jesus had just been baptized and was led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness. There, he was met by the enemy who tempted him. After fasting for forty days and forty nights, Jesus was hungry. Satan scoffed at him saying, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” To which Jesus answered that man shall not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. The devil led him to a high point and commanded Jesus to jump, saying surely God’s angels would catch him and he would not be harmed. Jesus said, “Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” Again, the enemy took Jesus to the highest point and offered to give Him all of the kingdoms if He would just bow down and worship him. To which Jesus replied, and I paraphrase here…Get the heck away from me! I will serve only my Father in Heaven!

\n

The Pastor brought up a couple of interesting insights that I want to share with you today. First, Jesus was baptized and received the Holy Spirit in the most remarkable way. When we receive the Spirit, we certain feel it to the depth of our soul. We are instantaneously changed…at a cellular level…into a new creation. When Jesus received the Holy Spirit, the sky literally opened up, and the voice of God declared to all that would hear…”This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased.” That had to be epic for those within hearing range. Then, the Holy Spirit was delivered down from Heaven in the form of a dove and landed on Jesus. Can you imagine watching this taking place?

\n

Then, what was the first thing that happened? Did Jesus get up and say, “Wow…I feel different now.” Did he walk into favor and blessings and immediately start healing people? No. He was led, by the Holy Spirit, into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.

\n

This is where we go as well. When we first accept Christ as our Savior, we don’t strut around like we’ve just won Best Actor. We don’t get showered with “super blessings” and everything becomes right in our world. If this is what happened to you, you might want to look back at the sincerity of your proclamation, because what really happens is…we are led into the wilderness. And we are bombarded by the enemy. He tempts us. He lies. He kills. He destroys. We may be bewildered by this because no one told us things were probably going to get mighty difficult when we choose this particular path. Because Satan is threatened by your faith. He hates it. He is jealous. He wants to whisper in your ear and fill you with doubt. We need to do what Jesus did…tell the devil to get away from you. You aren’t having any of this.

\n

Pastor Justin pointed out…this temptation is a lie. The enemy is tempting you with things you already have. He may tempt you by causing your eye to wander to another when you already have a spouse at home. He may make you envy your neighbor they’re big fancy house when you already have a house of your own. He is offering you things you already have because he doesn’t have anything real to offer you. His offer is death. 

\n

When I look back at the challenges of the last several years, I see so many moments when I could have chucked it all in, but I stayed the course. Because, you never know when the blessing will come. There have been times in this writing journey that I have asked myself if it is worth it to keep going. Have I already said everything there is to say? Is it making a difference to anyone? It can be tiring. It can be frustrating. I sometimes struggle for a topic. But I listen for the still, small voice. And today, it spoke to me through a reader. In my Sunday Evening Prayer Circle, a reader told me she was praying for me and my ministry here. She said that my words have helped her and made a difference in her life. I’m not saying this to boast. I am saying this to praise the Holy Spirit who moved her to answer the question that I lifted up to God just this morning in church. 

\n

“Am I doing what You want me to do, Lord?” 

\n

The answer was, “Yes.”

\n

?

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-08-20T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/20/into-the-wilderness.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/16/firsts-dont-always-come-once.html", "title": "Firsts Don’t Always Come Once", "content_html": "

\"Window\" “Firsts don’t only come once.”

\n
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”  Psalm 147:3 NIV
\nThe other day, I was reading a tweet from a gal that I follow. She was commenting about a deep feeling of grief she felt she had long ago left behind her. She is a widow and her youngest was off to college. Another “first”. They don’t always come in the first year. There are graduations, and weddings, and grandchildren, and vacations, and retirement...all things you thought you were going to get to do with your person.\n

When you are newly bereaved, the initial shock numbs you. You walk in a haze as you go through the motions of planning a funeral, greeting the attendees, and writing all those Thank You notes. Somewhere before too long, you start peeling back all these layers and grief continually bubbles up as you realize all the things you have lost along with your loved one. You have a sense of this loss up front. But you don’t realize how it will affect you when you get to those milestones. They can knock you down just as hard as some of the earlier waves of grief.

\n

I watch Mr. Virgo’s grandchildren growing up on Facebook. I don’t have a relationship with his daughter, but she is kind enough to keep me connected so I can see the children. The little one is the spitting image of her grandpa. It twists my heart when I see her. When I realize he didn’t get to know them and they won’t get to know him, it makes me sad. Firsts…first grade…first dance recital…all the big “little” things grandparents are supposed to share with their grand babies. Daughter #2 will be planning a wedding soon. She and Mr. Virgo were very close. That will stir the waves.

\n

There will always be these moments. This is the price you pay for love. If there is an upside, it is that the waves aren’t as big and they don’t last as long now. I have learned how to tap-dance around that hole in my heart without falling in…most of the time. My new relationship with Mr. FixIt is wonderful, but he doesn’t replace Mr. Virgo. You can’t replace someone you truly loved. Grief remains as a scar on your heart…and your life grows around it. ❤️

\n

 

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-08-16T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/16/firsts-dont-always-come-once.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Wisdom","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/09/hindsight.html", "title": "Hindsight 2.0", "content_html": "

\"Great “Daughter #2 with her Great Grandmother that she doesn’t remember.”

\n
“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭17:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\nWhen I was visiting Daughter #2 a few weeks ago, she mentioned she was heading to Texas soon with her fiancé for a family reunion. She was in awe that this family was renting a beach house for a week. A large group were gathering from all around the country to play games, comb the beach, and renew the close relationship they enjoy. These reunions were started by a grandmother who wanted her family to really know each other. The younger generation decided to keep the reunions going after grandma’s death for the same reason...to remain connected by more than DNA.\n

I reminded #2 that I took her to West Virginia as often as I could. We had family reunions, too. But, unfortunately, they all but stopped after the older generation passed away. She didn’t really know my family. That made me sad.

\n

She sent me this photo yesterday and asked me who was with her. I told her it was her Great Grandmother on my dad’s side. I had a strained relationship with my dad. I also had an aunt on his side of the family that I was extremely close to growing up. I emulated her, modeling myself after her beliefs, likes, and dislikes. I thought she walked on water. As an adult, I came to learn I missed out on getting to know some pretty wonderful cousins because I saw the world through someone else’s lens. I’ve since rectified that and gotten closer to my dad’s side of the family. Unfortunately, that doesn’t change my children’s upbringing.

\n

Daughter #2 says, “We just didn’t have that kind of family. We didn’t really DO things together.” That is very true. But that doesn’t mean that going forward, we can’t BE that kind of family. We can change this course and I intend to do so, in whatever means I can. I want my children and grandchildren to really know their aunts and uncles and cousins. So, here’s to family…no matter what that looked like in the past. No matter what it may look like in the future. It is the only one we have. ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-08-09T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/09/hindsight.html", "tags": ["Family","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/08/out-of-order.html", "title": "Out of Order", "content_html": "

\"Outhouse\" “Thank goodness today there are modern conveniences!”

\n
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”\n‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:19-20‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\nBack in the day, when I was married to Hubby #2 (the doctor), it seemed like every single bug that came along, I got sick. I had a chronic sinus infection that stretched out over two years. Using broad spectrum antibiotics caused my intestinal flora to get out of equilibrium and I developed C. Difficile. That is a bug normally found in the gut, but it’s not one of the good ones. However, it’s really hard to kill. So, the antibiotics killed off the good bacteria and allowed C.Diff to overgrow and that is not a good thing. C.Diff can kill your colon. That’s one of the reasons its important not to take antibiotics when you don’t need them. And that’s why I’ve been left with a wonky gut that gives me fits much of the time and forces me to limit certain foods.\n

Arriving at 65 finally has allowed me to catch up with a lot of deferred maintenance and tomorrow I’m spending a lovely morning with my gastroenterologist. Let’s just say it’s been a busy day and leave it at that. I know this is TMI, but it’s important to have routine healthcare screenings, one of which is a colon cancer screen. I had a precancerous polyp removed in my 30’s. The doctor came in to talk to me and said it was a good thing I had come in when I did or I likely would have had colon cancer by the time I was the recommended age.

\n

Probably secondary to lifestyle and diet, the age for colonoscopy screening is now 45. More people are getting colon cancer younger. Pay attention to your body. Take care of your health. You only have one you.

\n

Update: My tests went well. As I predicted, the prep was by far worse than the actual tests considering they give you this marvelous drug called Versed which produces not only sedation, but anterograde amnesia. Meaning, you are definitely sedated but not so much that you can’t assist and follow instructions like swallow, roll over, etc. And, you don’t remember any of it if you’ve had the proper dose. Win-Win! They did find a hiatal hernia and diverticulosis which explains my symptoms. A change in medication, and eating multiple small meals and not eating late should take care of the problems I’ve been having. So good news is…nothing bad! I’ll be back in the saddle in no time! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-08-08T01:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/08/out-of-order.html", "tags": ["Positive Energy","Gratitude","Aging","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/05/playing-dress-up.html", "title": "Playing Dress Up", "content_html": "

\"Couple “Playing dress up is fun. Mr. FixIt and me…at a wedding.”

\n
“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”\n‭‭Song of Songs‬ ‭8:6-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\nOne of Mr. FixIt’s granddaughter’s got married yesterday. I bought an outfit when I was in Colorado. I needed something nice to wear to weddings...including Daughter #2’s when it comes around in the next year or so. It’s nice to have at least one dressy outfit, even though I don’t have very many occasions to dress up anymore.\n

Mr. FixIt came home with his tux the other day. He said he thought he would just dress at home and not bother toting it back and forth but I talked him out of that. First, he didn’t want his backside to look like he’d been sitting in a truck for an hour. And second, it was in the high 80’s…I knew he would be miserable.

\n

He carried the tux in the church and headed to the room the men were dressing in. I killed time wandering around the church, reading the guest book, and chatting with early arrivals. Then someone said, “Here he comes!”

\n

I turned around and caught my breath. I’ve never seen him in a tux before. Wow! I knew there was a reason I liked this guy! Don’t men look great in a tux? They are always so dashing and sophisticated…sort of like Sean Connery. I gave him my brightest smile and stuck to him like glue all afternoon.

\n

The wedding was sweet, the bride was beautiful, the cake divine. The weather was perfect and everyone was happy…beyond the usual wedding day jitters. The Pastor told a story about the Velveteen Rabbit and compared it to marriage. We get older. We get a little worn and frayed around the edges. But we never become more genuinely real than we do when we are loved. What a lovely goal for a new marriage…to love and be loved until we are our most real selves.

\n

There’s something about weddings. They bring out the sweetness in us. They bring us closer and remind us of what’s important in life. Love. They also remind us of love gone too soon. I always think of Mr. Virgo in times like this. I reflect. And, more often than not, I smile at the memories. ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-08-05T01:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/05/playing-dress-up.html", "tags": ["Family","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/29/feeling-peaceful.html", "title": "Feeling Peaceful", "content_html": "

\"Ohio “Finding peace after losing Mr. Virgo is deeper and sweeter than anything I could have imagined.”

\n
“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.”\n‭‭2 Thessalonians‬ ‭3:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\nAs I sat thinking over what I would write about for today’s post, the word “peaceful” kept playing over and over in my mind. It made me think of this photograph that I took when I was living on high ground overlooking the Ohio River three years ago. I was blessed with the opportunity to park my camper up there and would often sit on the deck overlooking this amazing, peaceful scene. On this particular evening, the light was perfect, the sky was stunning, and everything took on a soft glow as the sun was setting. I will never forget my time spent in this beauty as I healed from the grief of losing Mr. Virgo. It was a time of testing my mettle, as well. I found inner strength I never knew I had as I lived in that camper through a particularly rough winter with no running water and up to a foot-and-a-half of snow at times.\n

I look back on that period of my life and compare it to where I am today and it never ceases to amaze me how different things are now. I have the privilege of caretaking for the family farm. I have this wonderful man in my life who brings me joy every day. I have the ability to travel to see my Colorado family. I have my campers. I still own too much “stuff” but I’m happy with my life as it is.

\n

The other evening, Mr. FixIt and I were floating around in the pool, holding hands, watching the clouds in the evening sky, listening to the sounds as the night birds and insects began their chorus. He turned to me and said, “This. This right here is perfect.” I knew what he meant. We’ve both longed for this peaceful life and love. We both feel like we’ve won the lottery.

\n

I could have written about grief last night. I could have written about camping or travel or gardening. I could have written about Colorado or West Virginia or any of the numerous places I’ve been. But, for some reason, all those things seemed to pale against this overwhelming love and peace I’ve been feeling since I got home from my trip out west. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. Being away from Mr. FixIt for three weeks brought into sharp focus just how wonderful our life is together. I love my children and grandchildren and the rest of my Colorado family and friends. But, oh my…there really is no place like “home”. ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-29T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/29/feeling-peaceful.html", "tags": ["Family","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/28/am-i-a-senior-citizen.html", "title": "Am I a Senior Citizen?", "content_html": "

\"7 “7 Tips for Seniors. Am I a SENIOR???”

\n
“Do not cast me away when I am old; do not forsake me when my strength is gone.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭71:9‬ ‭NIV‬
\nOk, I turned 65 in June. No big deal. Got my Medicare card, which is UBER cool. I get discounts (when I remember to ask for them). But that’s the thing...I don’t remember to ask for them. Because, I’m NOT a senior citizen. How could that be remotely possible?\n

Oh, but it is. I looked it up. Google says…in many different places…that you reach senior citizen status when you turn 65. It’s pretty standard because that’s when you start receiving Medicare benefits. At least, for now you do. Uncertainty aside, I rebel at that “senior citizen” label. That’s for “old” people. Right? That’s what I used to think, anyway.

\n

I saw this chart on Facebook yesterday. It’s all about staying safe in the summer heat. I have noticed over the last few years, my tolerance for heat has been drastically reduced. I also found out that once you have had an episode of heat exhaustion or heat stroke, you are much more susceptible with each recurrent heat exposure. I don’t like this. I used to work outside for hours…gardening, hiking, biking. Nowadays, I’m running for the air conditioning when the temp gets up to 80. And then, ten minutes later, I’m putting on a sweatshirt.

\n

I remember my grandma sitting down to eat supper and fanning herself with her apron…yelling for someone to open the front door. Ten minutes later, someone had to get up to close it. Over and over. We just don’t regulate our body heat like we used to. And that’s kind of hard to admit when you truly feel 35 in your brain.

\n

The thing is…and I don’t know if this is power of suggestion or not…I’ve felt my age more since this last birthday than I have any previous ones. I’m sure part of that is caused by catching up with medical procedures that I have been putting off till Medicare started so I didn’t have to pay a huge deductible. I’ve had mammograms and biopsies and surgery and a CT scan. I’m getting ready to see a gastroenterologist and a dermatologist. Oy! That’s enough to make anyone feel “older”.

\n

So, I guess I’ll cut myself some slack. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends for a long time. I’ve had to focus on health issues for a little bit. I’m sure when I’m caught up and I don’t feel like I’m going to the doctor every week, things will settle down. In the meantime, I have to admit…I’m 65. There really ARE things I have to pay attention to that I didn’t have to when I was younger. But I’m not “old”…I’m aging positively. I’m aging intelligently. I’m becoming informed. And…I get a senior discount. Go ME!!! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-28T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/28/am-i-a-senior-citizen.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","Grace","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/17/mile-tuneuporhow-emdr-saves-my.html", "title": "50,000 Mile Tune-Up...or...How EMDR Saves My Brain", "content_html": "

\"EMDR “EMDR reprograms your brain.”

\n
“Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth.”\n‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭33:6‬ ‭KJV‬‬
\nA little over five years ago, I sat on a stool in the corner of an emergency room and watched them do CPR on my husband. It went on FOR-EV-ER. Stop. Start. Shock. X-Ray. Start. Stop. Check. Shock. Over and over and over. I sat with my hand clasped over my mouth to keep from screaming. I wrapped my feet intricately around and through the legs of the stool to keep from jumping up and running away. My shoulders slumped...my free hand dug into my thigh so I could feel something other than horror. And all of that...all of the valiant efforts, all of the shouts for more drugs, all of the hustle and bustle and orchestrated chaos could not save him. He died in spite of the best efforts of the Western Slope’s best and brightest. He died. And I could do nothing to stop it.\n

I ran away in my camper for three months. I busied myself. I “dated” a guy which turned out to be more about putting a tourniquet around my bleeding heart than it did about “love”. It had nothing to do with love. It had everything to do with escape. Then, one sunny afternoon at a fair in the park, a gentleman standing nearby choked. Like, Heimlich Maneuver choked. And I was frozen. Instead of jumping in as I had been trained to do…as I was certified to do…a movie started playing in my head as I stood in the park. Suddenly, I was back in the ER, sitting on the stool, watching them do CPR on my husband. It went on FOR-EV-ER. I mean, I KNEW I was in the park. So why was I “seeing” this rerun?

\n

The rerun scared the crap out of me. And, I immediately associated it with a medical emergency…both my husband’s heart attack and the gentleman choking on chicken. I began to dread what might happen if there was a real emergency and I couldn’t step up to the plate. I avoided being in situations where someone could get hurt or sick or…God forbid…NEED me. I suffered wave after wave…not only of grief, but also anxiety. To the point of vomiting uncontrollably for hours. Simply put, I was a mess.

\n

I went to see my doctor and asked her if she could recommend a grief counselor. And when I first talked with her, she said, “Ginny, I think you have PTSD.” She told me she wanted to do something called EMDR on me. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is THE most accepted PTSD treatment. Normally, when we experience a disturbing event, our brains process it and file it away neatly in it’s appropriate folder in our memory bank and life goes on. But, when the event is associated with trauma…like watching prolonged CPR…something happens in the filing process and the memory gets stuck. It is like a video playing on a continuous loop…over and over and over. The thought becomes intrusive…meaning, unbidden. Uncontrollable. It creates fear. And it is terribly distressing.

\n

After the first EMDR treatment, the improvement was extraordinary. It’s non-invasive and is accomplished so simply. You sit in a comfortable chair, You conjure up the image that is giving you the most trouble…no matter how painful it is. You hang onto that thought while watching the practitioner move her finger back and forth, back and forth, back and forth across your field of vision. You follow her finger with your eyes. The rapid eye movement actually reprograms your brain. It can make the memory fade. It can change it into something else. It can process it and let it go into the file with all the other memories. And it can release you from the pain of seeing it over and over and over.

\n

I really did well. My anxiety level was lower. I had few, if any, real panic attacks. I still dealt with grief waves, but not the horrifying repetitious movie starring CPR. Then, about a year and a half ago, I started having episodes of anxiety again. About once a week or so, I would spend the night sick as a dog. I couldn’t keep anything down. I began to dread going places. I began to fear medical situations again. What began slowly, started cranking up more and more and with every insult to my central nervous system, it got worse. Surgery cranked it up. The episode with my aunt with dementia cranked it up. Flying cranked it up. Being away from Mr. FixIt cranked it up. I texted my grief counselor, Karen, and told her I thought I needed an EMDR tuneup so we scheduled it to coincide with my trip this week to visit my brother.

\n

As I caught up with her yesterday, I told her about Mr. FixIt and how happy we are. We talked about all the really good, positive changes that have come into my life. Then she asked what happened a year and a half ago that started the cycle again. I told her about the car accident. She asked what it was about that that triggered me and I surprised myself by bursting into tears. I sobbed and covered my face.

\n

“I thought I killed her!” I cried.

\n

“Who?”

\n

“The young girl in the backseat! Her head was lolled over, her face was bloodied. Her mama cradled her head in her hands and begged her to wake up. The man who was driving ran at me screaming, “You killed her! She was supposed to turn 17 this week!!!””

\n

I sobbed and Karen put her hand on my knee.

\n

“Oh, Ginny…that had to be terrifying.” She comforted me with her soft, caring voice. “I think that’s it. I think that is what has prodded your PTSD awake.”

\n

Just like grief, you don’t get “cured” of PTSD. It can raise it’s ugly head just like unexpected waves of grief can overtake you at any given moment.

\n

We did a session of EMDR. We repeated it eight times or so. With each subsequent series of back and forth movements, it felt as though someone were turning down the volume knob like a radio in my brain. The first series resulted in me feeling immediately calmer. The second made me feel like I had taken a step back and I wasn’t sitting in the driver’s seat of the truck. I was in the back seat. The third set had me standing behind the truck. The fourth set had me even further behind the truck…like zooming out on a long camera lens. I was surprised by the fifth set. I had a flash of the young girl going to prom. The implication being…she was fine and healthy. Each subsequent set of movement took me further and further into this relaxed, soft, safe place. It is remarkable something so simple can have such a huge impact.

\n

I had not cried about the accident up to that point. I had not processed, or even acknowledged, the trauma of thinking I had killed someone. Of being verbally and physically challenged by the other driver. And we all know that unprocessed trauma, like unprocessed grief…festers. It does not serve us to grit our teeth and white-knuckle our way through these episodes. From now on I will be proactive and get the help I need instead of trying to handle it on my own. I can’t tell you how much better I feel. When I got home from the mountains yesterday, my son-in-law’s dad made the observation that even my voice was different…relaxed, easy, slower. There is no shame in admitting you need help to work through something. We women think we are supposed to have it all together. I told a friend the other day that I just want to be normal. She smiled and said, “Sweetie, you ARE normal. Everybody has something they have to deal with. What you want is perfection!’ Ahhhh…she knows me well.

\n

None of us are perfect. Ask for help if you need it. Don’t try to just get by with a stiff upper lip. Just “getting though it” is no way to live. ❤

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-17T01:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/17/mile-tuneuporhow-emdr-saves-my.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Comfort","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/12/the-pillar-of-truth.html", "title": "The Pillar of Truth", "content_html": "
\n\"The\n
    “The Legend if the Pillar of Truth”
\n
\n
“Now, faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 KJV
\nOnce upon a time, in a beautiful palace in Heaven, the was a crystal pillar resting on a stand. It was The Pillar of Truth. There were no flaws within this crystal and every angle reflected the perfect truth to its observers. This was a cherished object in Heaven. There were a band of angels whose job it was to polish this stunning pillar til it glistened in the sunlight that filtered into the palace.\n

On occasion, a novice pillar polisher would be needed and some young angel would get the opportunity to become an apprentice. This was a great honor, as all of the truth was held within this stone. The angels took their assignment quite seriously.

\n

One day, a new novice crept into the pillar room to gaze upon the glorious piece. She couldn’t get enough of it during the long hours of polishing so she had to come in alone while the other angels were sleeping. As she stared into the depths of the crystal, she felt she could literally reach inside and learn vast, great things. She reached out and placed her hand on the cold surface and could feel the energy within. She was mesmerized. When she finally pulled her hand away, she could see a distinct smudge on the surface and she was appalled. She whipped out her polishing cloth and rushed forward to wipe away the mess she had made.

\n

As the little angel plunged forward, her toe caught on the hem of her robe and she stumbled into the pillar. It rocked and tipped. She stood there and held her breath, hoping it would right itself, but instead…the great Pillar of Truth tipped over, crashing onto the marble floor into a million gazillion tiny slivers. Oh! What ever was she going to do? Surely the sound of the great crash would bring the other angels running in any minute! She ran to the closet and grabbed a large broom and began to sweep the tiny shards out the door of the palace where they fell onto the surface of a cloud.

\n

As the slivers built up within the cloud, moisture began to gather on them and just as the last dustpan full of shards were dropped onto the cloud, a great strike of lightning and clap of thunder resounded throughout Heaven and a heavy rain began to shower earth.

\n

As the rain came down, everyone on earth came out to look in awe, because every drop of rain held a rainbow…a prism of light reflected off the tiny slivers of The Pillar of Truth. They held their faces up to the warm rain and when they did so, the tiny shards from the pillar pierced their eyes. They felt no pain, but they knew something was different. They knew, without a shadow of a doubt that what they saw, what they knew, what they had learned, and what they believed was THE truth. The ONLY truth

\n

And this is how it happened that people all over the world, in every walk of life, in every faith, with every dogma came to believe that their way was the ONLY way. That others were wrong if they believed differently. This perceived “truth” fractured the world and caused deep rifts between the many factions of society.

\n

I am a Christian. This is how I identify. I love the Lord. I follow Him as best I can. I know I will differ with some. There are many paths in this world. I choose the one with Jesus. I am willing to share mine. I am willing to learn of yours. And, I will not ever tell you you are wrong and only I am right. As far as I know, there has not been a team of investigative journalists go to Heaven, document how it all works, and come back with the evidence. For me, personally…I have faith that there is a Heaven. I believe Hell is the complete absence of God…a place I have been and never wish to return to.

\n

Every branch of Christianity, every walk of faith thinks their way is the only way. They all have a shard from The Pillar of Truth in their eye. What is the exact answer? This is where faith come in. ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-12T01:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/12/the-pillar-of-truth.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/11/gathering-the-bits-of-me.html", "title": "Gathering the Bits of Me", "content_html": "

\"Pebbles\" “We leave bits of ourselves, like pebbles, everywhere we go.”

\n
“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭51:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\nWe leave pieces of ourselves everywhere. Bits of our heart and spirit get left behind where we’ve lived, loved, worked, played. Big chunks are tied to places we have experienced great love...as well as great pain. The more we leave behind, the less we have for ourselves. The less we have leftover to leave in spaces that serve us.\n

My good friend Marion is a Reiki Master, an amazing artist, and one of my most devoted “editors” who regularly finds my typos and helps me save face. The other day, she casually commented on one of my posts. I was feeling stretched thin and she suggested calling these bits of my spirit home.

\n

Yesterday, I drove around Denver to the places where so much of my “self” has been left behind. Every place I went I let myself feel the attachment and asked myself if this was a good, healthy place to be attached to. When it comes to my Colorado family, the answer is an unequivocal yes. Part of my heart will always be with them. But, how about that place I used to work? Or that house I lived In when I married my second husband? Or that park we picnicked in when we didn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of? How about the medical school that was so much a part of my life? Or the hospital I stayed in when I “dropped my basket” back in 2000? Those places don’t need pieces of my spirit attached to them.

\n

I drove around gathering up my forgotten bits and called them back home, welcoming each one with a promise to be more careful where I leave them next time. I felt reconnected…plugged into that extra boost of energy that’s been AWOL for too long.

\n

I realized also that I was feeling depleted by my focus on a number. 65. It’s just a number. Slightly more than 64. Not quite as big as 66. Just a number. It has nothing to do with who I am on the inside where it counts. It has no power unless I GIVE it power. Which, I realize I was doing. I was letting a number make me feel old. Irrelevant. Tired. Ok, I’ve had my moment of indulgent self-pity. Enough of that. It is time to age positively again. I’m enjoying a stage of life many do not get the privilege of experiencing. I’m calling that part of my spirit home as well…that part that mistakenly identifies as “old”. I am what I say I am. I am who God says I am. I am full of life and joy, experience and wonder, love and light. I am whole. ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-11T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/11/gathering-the-bits-of-me.html", "tags": ["Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/04/coming-back-to-life.html", "title": "Coming Back to Life", "content_html": "

\"An “An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but don’t forget your mental and spiritual self-care.”

\n
“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”\n‭‭3 John‬ ‭1:2‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\n“An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” So says the old wives tale. While it may not keep you healthy 100% of the time, good clean eating and regular exercise go a long, long way toward improving your quality of life. Since I started Medicare on June 1st, I have been playing catch-up with my healthcare. I’ve seen my family doctor for a physical. I’ve had my mammogram and resultant biopsy and surgery. I’ve had blood screening. I have an appointment to see a dermatologist for a thorough skin check since I have a history of melanoma. And I have to see a gastroenterologist for a colonoscopy.\n

It is important to keep up with preventative care, but it is often difficult after becoming a widow. Like the self-care issues we discussed yesterday, seeing your family doctor and dentist is vitally important. You go through one of life’s worst stressors when a loved one dies. This is not the time to neglect your health. Often, the stress of losing someone close to you can actually trigger diseases. I developed an autoimmune disorder after losing Mr. Virgo and had Plantar Palmar Psoriasis. My hands and feet developed thick, hard skin and split like a million razor cuts. It was painful and debilitating and took four years to resolve. A change in finances and a lack of adequate insurance kept me from finding a primary care physician when I moved to West Virginia. I had to rely on my Colorado doctor and see her when I was there for visits. Fortunately, I never had a major health issue, but now I am behind on my routine health maintenance.

\n

Healthcare isn’t the only area that needs your attention when you are grieving. It is important to nurture yourself with something that brings you joy. It could be anything from raising African violets to playing a musical instrument to buying a camper and heading for the hills. Find something…anything (healthy)…that brings you joy and do that. It isn’t easy at first. You may feel too tired. Too overwhelmed. Too guilty. You may have genuine difficulties financially that you need to work around. You may have family who think it is absolutely bonkers to go traipsing off into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado…but do it anyway. If it scares you…do it anyway. Sometimes the fear doesn’t go away so we just have to do things while we are afraid. Eventually, it gets easier. Little by little.

\n

Make a plan. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work out. Make another plan. Or another one. Find your joy again. And remember, it will be different than the joy you felt before this terrible thing happened. Different. Not bad…just, different. A new normal. Make an idea board with clippings from magazines. Make a Pinterest page. (Or several! Who can make just one, right?) Start a Facebook page or a blog to journal about your self discovery. That’s how I became a writer and speaker. Find groups of like-minded women…be it politics or philanthropy or travel or quilting. Join forces with others. For me, it was Sisters on the Fly and Girl Campers.

\n

You can perform CPR on yourself…you can “Change”, you can “Plan”, and you can “Recharge”. Come back to life. In your own time. In your own way. On your own terms. But try…in every thing you do…try to find joy again. Life is waiting for you. God will walk with you every step of the way. And I’ll be here to encourage you and be your cheerleader. ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-04T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/04/coming-back-to-life.html", "tags": ["Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/01/clearing-things-up.html", "title": "Clearing Things Up", "content_html": "

\"Creek\" “Trying to keep up with the jungle of vegetation on the farm.”

\n
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”\n‭‭Galatians‬ ‭1:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\nParts of West Virginia have already received 36” of rain and the year is only half over. The average rainfall here is 44” annually. What this creates is something akin to a tropical rainforest. And, unless you absolutely stay on top of it, things like creeks can quickly become overgrown and clogged up. This presents a huge problem if, say, a culvert gets backed up. In our case, the creek runs right along the house. If it overflowed, it could undermine the foundation and then we’d be in big trouble.\n

While my uncle was here, I had a fellow come and give us an estimate for clearing out the brush, vines, saplings, and briars that had accumulated since the creek was last cleared…four years ago. I had long ago decided I was not going to get down in that snake infested place with a weed eater and a chain saw at the age of sixty-five. Especially when the heat index is pushing 100 degrees. Fortunately, my uncle agreed, we told the fellow what we wanted and agreed on a price. $200 from the road up to behind the house as well as the removal of several years of poison ivy growth up on the barn. An absolute bargain, if you ask me.

\n

I love how the challenges we go through in life offer abundant opportunities for personal growth. After reading your responses to my posts about my elderly aunt with dementia, and having a couple of days to think about it, I’ve begun to see the blessings that come in disguise. First, was God removing me from the equation when it came to caring for my aunt long term. He knew that was not a good scenario for either one of us and made it disappear. Second, was me asking myself why it upsets me when my aunt says unkind things to me. As uncomfortable as it was to admit, I realized that there is a part of me that is still stuck seeking approval and love from others. It was eye-opening.

\n

Yesterday, I mentioned Byron Katie and “The Work”…a method of self-inquiry that helps change the way we think about things and gives us freedom from long-held beliefs that are likely untrue. To boil it down, you examine your thought, write it down, ask the questions, and turn it around.

\n

Example:

\n

“My aunt does not like me.”

\n
    \n
  1. Is that true?
    2. \n
\n

Yes, I believe so.

\n
    \n
  1. Are you absolutely sure that is true?
    2. \n
\n

Well, no. I cannot read her mind. Her actions tell me she doesn’t, but I do not know that she absolutely does not like me.

\n
    \n
  1. How do you feel when you have this thought?
    2. \n
\n

Unloveable. Disappointed. Hurt. Angry.

\n
    \n
  1. How would you feel if you could not have the thought?
    2. \n
\n

Free. Peaceful. Friendly. Less stressed. Less self-deprecating. Kind.

\n

If you turn it around, is it as true or more true?

\n

“I do not like my aunt.”

\n

Wow. Well, yeah…she is not my favorite person in the world.

\n

Turn it some more.

\n

“I do not like myself.”

\n

Whoa. Truth…I do not like myself when I am judgmental and critical of others…when I am unkind or unloving or ungrateful.

\n

Light bulb moment.

\n

When I looked up the quote I used in yesterday’s post, I notice Katie has another book called “I Need Your Love - Is That True?” I immediately downloaded it. We are set up in childhood to seek love, approval and appreciation from others when we should be getting it from within…from OURSELVES. I am enjoying this read immensely. It is an excellent reminder of how we continually keep ourselves stressed when we seek, and do not get, things from others that we should be giving ourselves. I talk a good game when I say “I don’t care what others think of me!” When in reality, if I’m perfectly honest, I care more than I should. I seek approval more than I should. I want appreciation more than I should. If I could give myself these things, I would be free to enjoy the interactions with others on their own merit and not by what I am getting (or NOT getting) from it.

\n

I love personal growth…almost 100% of the time. ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-01T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/01/clearing-things-up.html", "tags": ["Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/30/reconciling-with-reality.html", "title": "Reconciling with Reality", "content_html": "

\"Garden\" “The garden. In my mind, it’s huge and full of marvelous potential. In reality, three bean plants came up out of two plantings.”

\n
“Who has put wisdom in the inward parts or given understanding to the mind?”\n‭‭Job‬ ‭38:36‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\nByron Katie wrote “When I argue with reality, I lose...but only 100% of the time.” As I have contemplated the events of Thursday night with my aunt, I have ruminated over our relationship these last 65 years. This is the aunt I came to West Virginia to help four years ago. That particular venture lasted ten very long and miserable weeks...for both of us. On Christmas Day she rather unceremoniously invited me to leave. And I did so gracefully. She wasn’t ready to have someone living with her full time. I wasn’t ready to devote myself to such an undertaking. It had only been a year and a half since losing Mr. Virgo. So, God did what God does...He removed me from the situation and planted me where He wanted me.\n

This particular aunt has always been referred to as “The Cruise Director” in my family. She tells people to jump and they ask “How High?” on the way up. That’s not me. So, we butted heads a lot. She was a school teacher. She expected children to mind her. That was not me. I talked a blue streak and was filled with exuberant curiosity. We were always just out of step with each other, but I always still loved her. I thought she loved me. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t. Doesn’t matter.

\n

My aunt and I had our first major disagreement after my mother died. I was in West Virginia for a week for the funeral and needed to return to Colorado. She agreed to let my brother stay with her while I was gone. I brought him to the farm.

\n

I was leaving she said, “Now, I’ll go to the house and clean it out while you are gone.”

\n

“Oh, no…you don’t need to do that. I’ll do it when I get back.” I said.

\n

“No, I will go in and clean it out while you are gone.”

\n

“Really…I need to do that. I need to go through the papers and things and get everything straightened out. I need time to do that.”

\n

“Well,” she said. “There are things in that house I want.”

\n

“I’m sorry?”

\n

“Yes, there are things in there I want, so I’ll come get them while you are gone.” Stern, authoritative. Totally mistaking who she is dealing with.

\n

“No. That house is mine and my brothers. The things in it are mine and my brothers. If there are things you would like, you can give me a list, and if me or my children or my brother do not want them, I will be happy to let you have them.”

\n

As I drove home, I cried. I was bereaved and now I was being treated unfairly by someone I thought cared about me. I was nearly back to my mom’s house when I drove past Home Depot. I pulled in and bought new door locks and installed them when I got home. I wrote a kind letter thanking my aunt for her generous offer to help me, but I really did intend to do this myself as I needed the closure. And, to keep her from being tempted to go in and do all that work anyway, I had changed the locks. You know…to remove the temptation.

\n

She was furious. In the following 8 months that I was there fixing up mom’s house to sell, she never stepped foot in it again. We are both very stubborn women.

\n

The following year, I met Mr. Virgo. Two years later, we married. Six years later, he died. One year later I decided to sell my house and move to Denver. But the market wasn’t strong where my house was and my sale price was much lower than my asking price. And, the price of real estate in the Denver metro area had increased nearly 20%. Unless I wanted another mortgage, I needed to make alternate plans. About that time, I had a trip planned to West Virginia and was staying at the farm. She wasn’t doing very well. She had a terrible tremor and it was interfering with her ability to take care of herself. We had long conversations and we talked with her daughter and my uncle and we decided I would come to West Virginia to help her out on the farm.

\n

Our second big disagreement came in the form of a painting she did not like. Her reasoning was my first clue there might be a problem with cognition. I started watching for signs of dementia. She had word finding difficulties. She burned up several tea kettles. She was becoming more and more belligerent and argumentative and truthfully…flat out ugly to me. It was traumatic. When we parted seed corn, I went on my way and traveled and had adventures and wrote and wrote and wrote. And I did a lot of healing.

\n

I came out to the farm about once a week or so to check in. I’d bring her some groceries. I’d make sure she had some good meals in the fridge to heat up. I’d do a load or two of laundry. We settled into a kind of truce. Then, in the summer of 2016, I was driving cross country to attend my high school reunion. I wasn’t sure where I was going to live that winter. I received a phone call that my aunt wasn’t doing well. She had been hospitalized. My uncle asked me to care for the farm while he took her to live with him. And that’s how I came back to the home of my heart…this time with healing and love and freedom.

\n

After everything was settled Thursday night, and they had packed up the car to take my aunt back home, I shook for half an hour. I recognized the symptoms of PTSD. This is one of the after effects of my grief. Mr. FixIt laid down beside me and held my hands while I breathed and talked to Jesus. I soon felt better and slept well. This morning, I was fine.

\n

Facing the reality that sometimes relationships aren’t what you had hoped they would be has helped me. Being honest with my own feelings has released me from harboring guilt and anger. When my aunt said ugly things to me all my life, it had absolutely nothing to do with me and absolutely everything to do with the person she is and where she is on her journey. The other night, she told me my grandma wouldn’t like me having a man in her bed. Her attempt to shame me. I didn’t bite. Oh, it stung a little. And there were things I would have liked to say to her. Like…my grandma would be proud of me for dropping everything and coming to help someone who obviously has never liked me. Or…my grandma would be proud that I turn the other cheek and try to love a difficult person the same way Jesus loves me. Or…my grandma would be proud that I am caring for her beloved farm the way she did. Instead, I said, “I hope you dream sweet on this new mattress. I put fresh crisp sheets on for you. Here’s an extra blanket. We’ll be right here if you need anything.”

\n

I’m not a saint. But I know where to pick my battles and arguing with someone with dementia isn’t going to go anywhere I need to be. I hate that this is happening to her. I hate that my uncle is having to care for both his sister and his wife with Alzheimer’s. I hate that my cousin’s daughter was so traumatized by the events that went down Thursday night. It’s a terrible disease and there is never a good outcome. It does no good to argue with that reality. ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-30T01:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/30/reconciling-with-reality.html", "tags": ["Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/28/risky-behaviors.html", "title": "Risky Behaviors", "content_html": "

\"Daisy\" “A lone little daisy…all on her own.”

\n
“For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding;”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭2:6‬ ‭ESV
\nA friend of mine tagged me on a Facebook post yesterday. It seems there was a woman walking the Quincy Hill steps alone when she was approached by someone with nefarious intent. She said every bell and whistle was going off and she knew if she hadn’t been able to get away and outrun this guy, something bad would have happened. My friend knows how many times I have climbed those steps alone. She wanted me to know so I would be more careful.\n

I haven’t walked those steps alone for about two years now. For a number of reasons, not the least of which is my knees giving me fits from walking said steps so much. But also, my common sense seems to have returned to me after taking a few years off after losing Mr. Virgo.

\n

I don’t know for sure what prompted me to put myself in risky situations when I was a new widow. Probably part of it was just being in such a fog, I couldn’t think through all the potential consequences. But a very real part of it was…I really didn’t care if I lived or died. And when the pain was brutal in the early years, I believe I would have actually welcomed death over the seemingly never ending horror grief brought down on me.

\n

I think back. Would I get in a camper and travel into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado for three months now. The answer is yes, without a doubt. Would I hike three hours into the Weimenuche Wilderness with nothing but a small daypack now. No, I don’t think I would. Would I live in a camper and travel the country alone. Yes, I would…in a heartbeat. Would I stand out in the surf during the storm surge of a hurricane without a life jacket now? Oh, h*** no!!!

\n

I seem to have gained some common sense back in the last year or so. I care again. I’m a bit more cautious now. Not in a fearful way, but in a careful way. In a way that says I have a lot of living left to do…I want to do that. The only real regret I have is that I tried to date WAY to soon after losing Mr. Virgo. That was an incredibly painful experience…not only for me, but for the other party as well. It wasn’t fair to do that to him.

\n

The bottom line is, we need to be gentle with ourselves when we are going through grief. The impact runs so much deeper than we can comprehend while we are in the throes of it. And, the flip side is…things do get better after a time. A new normal. ❤

\n

‬‬

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-28T01:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/28/risky-behaviors.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/24/let-freedom-ring.html", "title": "Let Freedom Ring!", "content_html": "

\"Freedom “Let Freedom Ring!”

\n
“For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”\n‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\nI just finished writing July’s post for the Sisters on the Fly blog. I wrote about the many freedoms we are blessed with beyond Independence Day. The audience for that blog is women campers. There is a certain reservation in my writing there as I am paid to do so. Therefore, I am somewhat constrained in my topics. I always check in with them ahead of time, find out what their theme of the month is, and write accordingly. It’s not like this blog where I speak my heart and my truth. So I’ll write the “Marshmallow Ranch” version of that blog here.\n

Independence Day. The 4th of July is coming soon. Images of family gatherings, cookouts, baseball games, fireworks. That’s what it’s all about, right? Well, yes…and no. In 1776, our forefathers of this nation set forth a document that outlined our beliefs pertaining to our independence from Great Britain. Man made laws that apparently gave us our freedom. However, we were given freedom long, long before this document was drawn up. At least…we were given the choice.

\n

We were given freedom from the weight of our past. Our sins. I am reminded of a weight I used to carry that I finally put down eighteen years ago. In the ‘80s and ‘90s, I had a problem. I was a doctor’s wife and as such, I was highly over treated medically. I was given drugs freely and when I cried out for help, I was stifled. I was given more drugs and more drugs. I took up drinking with a vengeance. I was dying as fast as I could and it wasn’t fast enough so I took two bottles of pills and almost finished the task.

\n

Thank God, I am a different human being now. I got the help I needed. I found the people who listened. And I got away from the situation that sent me down that path. On occasion, I get a reminder of what that life was really like. Case in point…I had surgery on Thursday and was given a narcotic pain reliever. In such a case, I will take these…reluctantly. But, let me tell you…I am EXTREMELY cautious. I do not like how they make me feel. I don’t like the fuzziness. I don’t like the disconnection from my surroundings. I hate the dry mouth and the upset stomach. And I hate the feeling I get when I stop taking them. Even just taking them for 24 hours, I feel a sinking darkness that comes over me. For the life of me, I cannot understand how I could have taken so much of this stuff back in the day. I couldn’t function. I wasn’t participating in life…in the lives of my family. It is just a sad reminder of what we all went through because a referral pattern is a terrible thing to waste. I was a doctor’s wife, after all. His colleagues had to go above and beyond. It was a brutal time.

\n

I will not submit to the yoke of slavery that drugs and alcohol brought into my life. I am judicious in my choices and stand firm in that because quitting was, aside from losing Mr. Virgo, the most difficult thing I ever had to do. Not the quitting itself. I was delivered from that immediately. Navigating the devastation it left behind in my family was where I struggled. It was horrible for everyone involved. I am grateful for this new life…this healing I was given when I gave up and asked Jesus to take over. I will celebrate my Independence Day as January 6th…the day of my overdose. The day I stepped into the void and came out again. Let freedom ring! ❤

\n
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:17‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\n \n", "date_published": "2018-06-24T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/24/let-freedom-ring.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/23/the-empty-nest.html", "title": "The Empty Nest", "content_html": "

\"Empty “The empty nest can be painful, no matter which of you leaves first.”

\n
“For I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen me face to face, that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I say this in order that no one may delude you with plausible arguments. For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ.”\n‭‭Colossians‬ ‭2:1-5‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\nI got married young the first time. I was nineteen. I thought I knew everything! I was just about finished with x-ray training. Hubby #1 and I literally grew up together. Our families have known each other since long before we were born. The day after graduation, I hopped on a plane and flew to England to join him. He was stationed there in the Air Force. I had never been on a plane before. I cannot imagine what that must have been like for my mom. She still had my brother at home. He has a developmental disability and always lived at home with her, so she never did have that “empty nest”. But I know she missed me terribly and it had to have been so worrisome for her to have me so far away the very first time I left home.\n

My older daughter got married when she was twenty-one. It wasn’t too long after that when she and her new husband moved to Long Island. I thought THAT was way too far and it just about killed me. I was having trouble in my marriage. Her younger sister was only five years old. I hated having them so far away. I visited as often as I could, but it was a really hard time for both of us. We had always been very close. A half-empty nest is just as painful.

\n

I’ve watched my friends go through letting their children go. When my younger daughter left home for college, it was a different story. First, I had had children at home for thirty-three years. I was in a new marriage and in a much happier space. And, she was only going to be a couple of hours away. It was an entirely different story when the nest emptied out completely.

\n

But what happens when it’s the opposite and it’s your MOM that pulls up roots and leaves? That’s what’s happening to one of my friends in my small group from church. She is young…younger than my Daughter #2. Her brother, her two sisters, her nephew, and her mom are moving several states away and she is left here. In addition to that, they are selling the only home she has ever known. Her nest is being taken away. That has to be really hard. You just never think of it happening like this. It’s usually the other way around.

\n

I always made it a point to go visit my West Virginia family at least once a year. I took my kids with me so they could feel that bond of family. I never dreamed I would up and leave my Colorado family like I have. Colorado was never really the home of my heart. West Virginia is. I usually visit my family twice a year but Mr. FixIt’s surgery in December kept me here this past winter. The grandchildren have grown so much in the past year since I’ve seen them. It seems like a lifetime ago. And my girls have aged…as have I. I remember there was a stretch of time when Hubby #2 was in medical school that I didn’t see my mom for over two years. I never want to do that with my family! I can’t imagine. She had to have been so sad.

\n

Keeping those family bonds alive is so important. I’ll be there in a couple of weeks and stay for three weeks. I can’t wait to see them! Do you live far from your family? Do you get to see them very often? How long do you get to visit? I’d love to hear the things you do that make your visits extra special. I am always looking for new ideas to create lasting memories! ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-23T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/23/the-empty-nest.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","West Virginia","Growth","Grace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/15/walking-the-farm.html", "title": "Walking the Farm", "content_html": "

\"Wildflowers\" “Wildflowers along the back road of the farm.”

\n
“Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭96:11-12‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\nWhen Mr. FixIt asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, I immediately answered...\n

“I want to stay at the farm for a couple of days!”

\n

We came out Wednesday evening and set to cleaning. It’s amazing how an old house gets itself dirty all on its own. We had a light supper, played a few hands of cards, and I enjoyed several phone calls for my birthday. Yesterday morning, I cooked a big breakfast and we headed up the hill for a good hike to burn it off.

\n

\"Crane “Building the compressor station on that far ridge.”

\n

It was noon before we got on our way so by the time we got to the top of the hill, the sunny stretch without trees, it was HOT! We carried enough water with us to get us back. We stopped at Mount Zion Church and signed the guest book as we always do. The hickory tree just next to the cemetery is loaded with nuts. I wanted to go on up the hill to see the compressor station, but I couldn’t believe the amount of traffic coming and going. We sat at the church for a while to catch our breath, then headed back.

\n

\"Hickory “Hickory nuts.”

\n

At this point, I was getting blisters from my hiking boots. A woman came by in one of the company trucks and I asked if she was going back down our road. She was…and we had a delightful conversation as I ogled the changes this construction has done to the landscape. Turns out, she is also a widow…her husband died of suicide nearly twenty years ago. She spoke of the breakdown she had afterwards and how she has no problem speaking about it as it raises awareness and calms the stigma surrounding mental health issues. I was very taken with her sunny, straight-forward disposition and she said she will look up Marshmallow Ranch and toot her horn when she passes by. I love that I can be five miles from nowhere and still reach people with a commonality.

\n

\"New “The new road past the old Mt. Zion Church, est. 1893.”

\n

When we got home (and checked for ticks) we went for a drive and circled around a favorite backroad of mine looking for blackberries and wine berries. We found them, but they are a little ways from being fully ripe. Hopefully the critters (two-legged and four-legged) will not get to them before I do…it’s always a race. We stopped and watched the Painted Lady butterflies swarming on the milkweed flowers that have recently bloomed. I didn’t see any monarchs, unfortunately. Maybe next year I will order some from the internet and plant them out there. There’s such a huge concentration of milkweed in the area…it would be a great place to cultivate some beautiful butterflies.

\n

\"Milkweed “Milkweed and Butterflies”

\n

We returned to the farm and checked our own patch of blackberries. Unfortunately, they are totally unreachable as they are tucked behind the burn pile that hasn’t been burned yet. My cousin’s wife Charlotte came to feed the kitties and got a surprise that we were there. We ended the day with a lovely dinner on the porch, another sunset, and more cards. When I’ve been at the farm for even a couple of days, I feel as though I’ve been on vacation for a week. But today it’s back to the Ponderosa and the chores.

\n

\"Wine “Wine berries growing alongside a country road.”

\n

How can it be Friday already? Hope you have big plans for Father’s Day Weekend! ❤

\n

\"Curvy “Curvy layers of sandstone.”

\n

 

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-15T01:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/15/walking-the-farm.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/13/this-man-knows-how-old.html", "title": "This Man KNOWS How Old I Am", "content_html": "

\"35 “It’s not how many years in your life…but the life in your years!”

\n
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.”\n‭‭James‬ ‭1:17-18‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\nSo, today is really monumental...huge...a BIG deal in anyone’s life. Today is my 65th birthday! I didn’t know how to feel about it this year. I let myself dwell on the obvious...I’m getting older. I let myself worry about the health issues I’m facing in the coming weeks. I thought about how Mr. Virgo would have SO enjoyed this accomplishment. I thought about how much I miss my Colorado family. I thought about my beautiful mom and how I called her every year on my birthday and thanked her for having me.\n

All this time, this wonderful man orbited me on a daily basis. Taking care of me. Loving me. Watching to see if there was anything I might need or any way he could support me better. For a couple of weeks, he was eclipsed by the hamster wheel of grief running in my brain. Then the wave was gone…receding into the background again. And I could see every blessing clearly.

\n

Yes…I’m getting older. Isn’t that wonderful??? I’m getting older and bolder and my best days are in front of me. Adventure awaits at every opportunity.

\n

Yes…I have some health issues to deal with in the coming weeks. Isn’t it terrific that I am blessed with great insurance that will take care of the bills so I can focus on healing and getting better after my upcoming surgery instead of worrying about how I’ll pay for it all? Blessings come in dark colored packages sometimes.

\n

Yes…Mr. Virgo would have loved to help me celebrate this one. Wasn’t it terrific that I got to feel such unconditional love from such a great guy?

\n

Yes…I miss my Colorado family. I get to see them in just a few short weeks and I can immerse myself in their sunshine and love. I am so honored to call them mine.

\n

Yes…I miss my mom. She knew how much I loved her because I never failed to tell her at (almost) every opportunity.

\n

And…I am so, so grateful to have the opportunity to love again. To feel the love of a good man. A man who watches out for me and protects me and brings me so much joy.

\n

Mr. FixIt came home from town yesterday and I fixed us a great meal. Then he asked me to go in the other room for a while. He called to me when he was ready and I went out to the deck by the pool. He had these cupcakes with the candles lit and a lovely, sentimental card that he selected with the perfect inscription. And he gave me a beautiful rocking chair for the front porch.

\n

Yes…chronologically, I may be 65 years old today. But this man knows me on the inside. He KNOWS I’m only 35 on the inside. And that is my best earthly gift ever. ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-13T01:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/13/this-man-knows-how-old.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/11/busy-busy-busy.html", "title": "Busy, Busy, Busy", "content_html": "

I have to tell you, by the time I finally settled down to write last night, I was pooped. So, I’m going to reprise a post from four years ago. I had decided to sell the Colorado house and I was just two days shy of putting it on the market. With my friend Deneene downsizing right now, it has brought back many memories of what I was going through back then, so I thought I’d share. Thank you for indulging me…I needed a night off. See you in the morning! ❤️

\n

“Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n

www.marshmallowranch.com/home-beco…

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-11T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/11/busy-busy-busy.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/10/these-dreams.html", "title": "These Dreams", "content_html": "

\"Moonlight “My dreams have returned!”

\n

Something changed a couple of weeks ago. I started dreaming again. Oh, I’m sure I’ve been dreaming. We do every night. But when I lost Mr. Virgo, I lost my dreams. I couldn’t remember them at all. And suddenly, I’ve started remembering them. Their complexity is increasing. I’m recalling more detail. I even see some color creeping back in at the edges.

\n

This is a huge deal. Not remembering my dreams made me feel dead inside. Like a still body of water with no oxygen. Stagnant. I’m still not back to those epic, Academy Award worthy, epic dreams, but this is a far cry better than what I have been experiencing for over five years now.

\n

On the other side of that, the only real dreams I remembered since Mr. Virgo died were the ones with him in them. Those have been nice. I still may dream of him from time to time. I don’t know. Something feels different in this.

\n

Over the five years I’ve been on this path, there have been points…benchmarks…where I feel something changes. Like walking up stairs out of a dark, dank basement. Each step brings me closer to the light…to the fresh air…to the sunshine. I have long stretches now of light. Sometimes I take a step or two back down. Rarely, it’s more like four or five. That’s where I was two or three weeks ago. I couldn’t figure out what was bringing me down. Then I realized…there doesn’t HAVE to be a reason. That’s how grief works. Maybe it was the way the light was shining through the window. Maybe it was my upcoming 65th birthday and Medicare. Maybe it was worrying about this breast biopsy and realizing dealing with health issues may become more common in the coming years. Maybe it is the decline in the health of those I love. I don’t know.

\n

Whatever the reason, my dreams are back and I’m relieved. Silly, nonsensical, memorable dreams. Being on this side of the wave always leaves me feeling more grateful. ❤️

\n

““We both had dreams,” they answered, “but there is no one to interpret them.” Then Joseph said to them, “Do not interpretations belong to God? Tell me your dreams.””\n‭‭Genesis‬ ‭40:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-10T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/10/these-dreams.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/02/bambi.html", "title": "Bambi!", "content_html": "

\"Doe “Doe and fawn on the front lawn.”

\n

The quality of this picture is very poor. It was dusk. I was shooting through a window in a dark room. And these two had almost made it to the end of the yard where they ducked into the cover of the trees and bushes. There is a small creek running just on the other side of them so I imagine they were heading for a drink. The only thing that worried us is up above them beyond those trees is a fairly busy highway. I always say a prayer when I see them go up that bank. I’d hate to hear or see one of these beautiful creatures get hit. The cars race by on that road.

\n

Mr. FixIt has lived here for decades and said he had never seen such a tiny baby up walking around. We were sitting in the dining room playing cards after dinner when we spotted them. At the same time, we kept hearing a soft “whump-whump-whump” sound coming from the fireplace followed by high pitched chirping. It confirmed what we noticed the other night at dusk when we were out at the pool. There are swallows nesting in the chimney. We could see them at dusk diving down into the top of the chimney. I don’t know why there isn’t a screen over it. We also noticed as we walked into the dining room where the fireplace is, there was a smell of something burnt. They are stirring up the soot and ash inside the chimney. We have the glass doors and the flue closed so they don’t make a mess in the house but this is just one more thing we have to address once the babies fledge.

\n

Downsizing here isn’t going to be as quick and frantic as it was when I sold my house in Colorado. It’s Mr. FixIt’s stuff. I can’t just come in with a dumpster and throw things away. That’s not how it works…no matter how much I would like to do just that. If we even go through two or three drawers or boxes or a closet every day, we will be making great progress and things will be less of a burden for him…and for me. After downsizing so much myself, my tolerance for clutter and unnecessary ephemera is much, much lower than it used to be. This is something that all of my husbands would have loved. My piles and collections and “stuff” was a bone of contention with each man who ever shared my space.

\n

My friend Deneene is preparing for a huge estate sale as she downsizes and moves south to be with her sweetheart. She is a widow and this house is where she raised her three children. It is a huge home and you know as well as I do…things accumulate. She is doing something I did when I downsized. There were things that had personal meaning for me and papers that I didn’t want to lose track of. I made a file called “Memories” and took pictures of everything I needed to remember…the items I loved but really couldn’t keep as well as papers that could possibly get lost or destroyed. She’s doing a great job. It brings back such memories for me…those long days and nights of purging and packing and moving. She is so blessed to have a buyer…the first one who looked! Selling my house was a nightmare. I’m happy that things are going so smoothly for her so far and pray they continue to do so.

\n

Change. It’s one of the things you can count on…like death, and taxes. And, it’s difficult for some…easy for others. Either way…it’s gonna come. ❤

\n

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:”\n‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-02T01:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/02/bambi.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Grace","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/01/hello-june.html", "title": "Hello, June!!!", "content_html": "

\"Hello, “Hello, June!!!”

\n

Seriously, how does time go so fast?

\n

And, so…S-L-O-W!

\n

Let me explain. Today…I start Medicare! What??? I didn’t think it would EVER get here. And, at the same time, I learned to drive, like…yesterday, right? All week I’ve been in awe of this moment. This is such a monumental event. Ok, getting married is a monumental event. Having a baby is a monumental event. Changing insurance plans isn’t really that big of a deal. But it is, you know?

\n

Sometimes ideas have to stew around in my head for a few days before I can articulate them. I just have to sit tight and feel the feelings till the thought bubbles up like a spring coming up from deep within the earth. This idea of going on Medicare…turning sixty-five…is an accomplishment. One not everyone gets to enjoy. Mr. Virgo died at sixty-two. He didn’t get Medicare. He didn’t get to retire. I’ve lived three years longer than he did. There was a time when I didn’t believe I would live this long. And, here I am.

\n

I get to go on Medicare. I get to go to Florida in a couple of weeks. I get to see my Colorado family in July. I get to have some medical procedures in the next few weeks that some people can’t afford. I get to spend my time with a really sweet, kind, caring man who loves me more than anything…and I get to love him right back. I’ve gained more family members through Mr. FixIt. I get to live in West Virginia. I am truly, truly blessed. I know this.

\n

Yesterday was spent cleaning and shampooing the carpets in the basement. A perfect day for working down there since it was so hot and humid out. We had a brief downpour that did nothing but make the air hot and sticky. After we were finished with our chores, we went out in the pool and cleaned some more (pools are high maintenance) and only came in when we heard some thunder. That storm missed us.

\n

A good day working and playing. Yet, I still can’t get over it. Medicare.

\n

How did this happen? ❤️

\n

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-01T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/01/hello-june.html", "tags": ["Family","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/30/tread-lightly.html", "title": "Tread Lightly", "content_html": "

\"Bison “Bison in front of the Grand Tetons, Yellowstone National Park”

\n

Oh, those Facebook memories. They used to slay me. I’d finally be feeling halfway like myself, to the point where I didn’t cry every d*** day, when one of those pages from the past would show up and rip my heart wide open again. I am pleased to say, it’s been a while since I’ve had that kind of reaction to something as unbidden as photos from a favorite vacation.

\n

Yesterday, just such a memory popped up. Mr. Virgo loved going to Yellowstone National Park and seeing the Grand Tetons. We went two or three times in the seven-and-a-half years we were together. He was quite the photographer and I am so happy I have so many of his beautiful photos. This was taken on our last vacation together. We did a float trip down the Snake River that year. We spent a week exploring. We saw grizzlies, eagles, bison, deer, elk, owls, coyotes, antelope…it was amazing.

\n

Yesterday was a good day. Mr. FixIt and I worked hard…it was mowing day. We have lots of rain forecast in the next few days so we needed to get that done. It was hot, but we stayed in the AC during the worst of it in the afternoon and headed back out just as the sun started to head over the wooded ridge beyond the far field. When we were done, we enjoyed a refreshing couple of hours in the pool. When I settled in to write my post, this photo showed up. The more time that passes since Mr. Virgo’s death, the wider the chasm between then and now becomes.

\n

Grief is so weird. Sometimes things that you THINK would upset you are nothing. Other times, the smallest thing can trip you up and send you down the tubes. This was a good day. This was a good memory, a good vacation. This was a good marriage, a good man, a good friend, a good life. And yesterday was a good day, a good memory, with a good man, a good friend, and a good life. The difference is time and perspective. It’s a new life. A different life. A good life. A fun life.

\n

Yes…grief is weird. ❤

\n

“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭37:23-24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-30T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/30/tread-lightly.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/27/on-the-other-side-of.html", "title": "On the Other Side of Midlife", "content_html": "

\"\" “Spending the weekend at home by the pool. Then visited more family at a local cemetery.”

\n

A friend sent me a link yesterday to an article written by Brené Brown. She discusses the truth of what is commonly referred to as a midlife crisis. Her preferred terminology is “midlife unraveling”…a term I can totally relate to. Her premise is, while there are many tactics one can take when facing the existential questions like “Is this all there is?”, her approach was a head-on collision with the universe. And, as is always the case, the universe won and brought her to her knees.

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I distinctly remember the moment I first had an inkling something was amiss. I went through a divorce young and I did really well raising my older daughter. I put my second husband through medical school, residency, and setting up a practice. I worked hard, stayed engaged, and did my Earth Mother thing. I created unique job positions for myself, I wrote a children’s book, I co-authored a book for the National Institutes of Health, I invented a piece of x-ray equipment to x-ray disabled patients while seated in a wheelchair, I illustrated an exercise book. I kept my daughter busy with scouts and bikes and the like so her step-father could have a quiet house to study in. I was busy. Then, several things happened that brought my world to a dizzying tailspin.

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When my husband started his practice, I stopped working outside of the home. Hindsight being 20/20, that probably wasn’t the best choice for me. While I continued to stay busy being a full time mom, my daughter was in junior high and she really didn’t need me during the days. I filled my time volunteering for the hospital auxiliary. I took hospice training. I lunged horses and mucked stalls in exchange for riding lessons for my daughter and me. I was a DJ for the local public radio station. I baked competitively and grew a huge garden. I entered the county fairs. And I was becoming lost..first to myself, then to my family.

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I clearly hung my identity on a hook by the front door and became Mrs. Dr. So-and-So. I felt insecure. My husband was surrounded by intelligent women all day, every day. I was easily threatened by the medical staff he worked with so closely. In an attempt to refocus my life, and fulfill our desire to expand our family before it got too late, we decided to have another child, which was a distinct blessing, don’t get me wrong. The problem was, with every passing day, I was losing more of myself. And now, the physical toll of having a baby later in life threw me into a vicious cycle of yo-yo dieting and exhaustion.

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I was distinctly unhealthy…mentally and physically. And finally, like Brené, I dared the universe to make me face the changes that were coming and she was far more up for the challenge than I was. I unraveled…hard and fast. It took a lot of hard work and therapy for me to put myself back together again. But eventually I found myself. I began to love who I was. Brené says, loving yourself is the most challenging thing you will ever have to do. And once you start that task, you continue to work it till the day you die. I beg to differ with her. Losing Mr. Virgo was decidedly the most challenging thing I have ever faced in my life.

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As my grief has eased, I find myself sometimes disengaging from the conversation. “Grief talk” isn’t always at the forefront of my mind. Megan Devine from refugeingrief.com has a “Do This, Don’t Do That” chart that helps people support others who are grieving. I was appalled when I found I do far too many of the Don’t Do Thats…even here on my blog. I know for a fact I have hurt people’s feelings when I haven’t stayed present and remembered there are grievers out there I am writing for. If I ever have hurt you, I am profoundly sorry.

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My mission here has evolved. It started out as a way to navigate my grief, and help others know they aren’t alone. It morphed into travel, faith, crafts, life lessons, and new love. Sometimes it reads like a sermon. Sometimes a novel. Sometimes it’s not much different than reading any other typical Facebook post from one of your friends, and that might get boring. But sometimes, hopefully often, I bring a message you need to hear. Something that helps you and makes you think. Something that cheers you and gives you hope. Something that helps you see my vulnerability and how we really aren’t very different. Something that stirs your heart. Something that brings you closer to God’s Word.

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I am truly grateful to be on the far side of that existential midlife unraveling. I’m happy to have survived fairly intact. I am also grateful that, after five years on this grief journey, my heart has healed a great deal. I am forever changed by both of these monumental life events. I love myself a lot more…partially due to aging, partially due to the increased compassion grief brings. We are all works in progress, clear to our dying day. I’m glad I don’t try to push “feeling things” onto the back burner anymore. I face things head on, because God has my back. He is with me every step of the way. I still pray every time I write and ask Him to bring the right words and the people who need to hear them. ❤

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“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by humans but chosen by God and precious to him— you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.”\n‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2:1-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-27T01:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/27/on-the-other-side-of.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","West Virginia","Growth","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/14/sharing.html", "title": "Sharing", "content_html": "

\"Tilling “Tilling in his garden.”

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The other day I told you Mr. FixIt put in a garden for “me”. I was so excited. I haven’t had a garden in ages and I was really looking forward to going out and getting my hands in the dirt. Then, before I knew it, Mr. FixIt had the plants and the seeds in the ground. sigh

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I was really disappointed. Then I looked at it a different way. Why should I get to have all the fun things? Riding the big lawn mower is a whole lot more fun than pushing the smaller one…but, Mr. FixIt pushes it for me. Hooking up, towing, and unhooking my camper is a lot more fun for me than sitting and watching someone else do it. The same is true for Mr. FixIt.

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He has always had a garden. It gives him great joy to do that. Who am I to take his joy away from him? He brings me joy every day in some way. Like, the roses and the sweet card he gave me for Mother’s Day. Like, standing in church holding my hand…the other hand raised. Like, a million little things. I can let him have his garden…and the resulting bragging rights. I don’t have to do everything. I don’t have to control everything. I can just…be. Sometimes, less is more. ❤️

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“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,”\n‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-14T01:30:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/14/sharing.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/11/keep-walking.html", "title": "Keep Walking", "content_html": "

\"Encouragement “Keep walking, dear one.”

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I have several people in my life who are walking a challenging path right now. From my cousin with mesothelioma to a friend’s first grandchild being born with physical challenges. From my friend who is selling the home she and her late husband raised their family in to the beautiful women in my small group from church who are facing some pretty big things right now. There are new widows and new moms and new grandmas out there who need extra love and support today. To all of you who are facing challenges…let me say this.

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You are beautiful.

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You are stronger than you think.

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You are loved.

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You are being prayed for.

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No matter how difficult and challenging life becomes…

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Stand up.

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Keep walking.

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Keep moving forward.

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You are worthy.

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You are enough.

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You are a Child of God.

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It’s ok to cry.

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It’s ok to not be ok.

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Just hang in there…things will get better. Maybe not right away…but they will get better.

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I love you.

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❤️

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“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”\n‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:29‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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#encouragement, #BuildingUp, #love

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-11T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/11/keep-walking.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/07/overwhelming-tasks.html", "title": "Overwhelming Tasks", "content_html": "

\"Messy “My messy garage as I was downsizing.”

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My friend Deneene has been widowed three years now. Shortly after her husband died, she became friends with a fellow who lived near her kids. They were “just friends” and she was absolutely certain she would never fall in love with anyone. But, as soon as I saw her friend’s picture, I knew in my heart this is who she was destined to be with, but I didn’t say anything. They supported each other as they were both going through a rough patch in their lives. A couple of years after that, they ran into each other again. This time, something clicked and long story short…they fell in love. Like many of us, love after loss is magical and she has decided to sell her home here in West Virginia and move to the south to be with her love.

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Dee is facing something I’ve already been through…clearing out YEARS of “stuff”, selling a house, and moving hundreds of miles away. I am hoping her experience will be easier than mine. I did it at one year after losing Mr. Virgo. I was still reeling from my loss and heading into my second year which was much rougher for me than my first. I remember after making the decision, just the sheer enormity of the task was totally overwhelming. I cannot tell you how many times I sat on the floor and cried, not knowing where to start or what to do next. My daughter came to help one day. A couple of friends helped out when they could. But the bulk of the work, and all of the decision making, was mine.

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My friend is very wise. She’s been reading this and other grief blogs and listens to all of your suggestions. The first thing she did was create an event on Facebook for an Estate Sale in a month. Then, she asked for any and all volunteers, specifying what jobs need to be done and when. Wisely, she reminded her friends of the time they told her three years ago… “just let me know what you need and I’ll be there.” So, she’s calling in the favors. I applaud her for that. She already has people lined up to help her, myself included.

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I remember how daunting that task was. I remember what a struggle it was to make decisions as to what to keep, what to give to the family, what I could sell, what I should throw away. It was brutal. But the rewards were many. I felt lighter with each load that went away. There were things I really loved, but no one else I knew would have, so I took pictures of them before I sent them on their way. Now I have a photo album on my phone and I can visit them any time I want. There are things I regret getting rid of, sure. But my life was so much easier without the burden of all that stuff around me.

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I’m hoping Dee can keep her eye on the prize…the freedom that will come when she has fulfilled her goal of downsizing and selling the house. I am also hoping that the extra two years of grieving she has gone through saves her the gut-wrenching tears. I have a feeling she may find it a bit more emotionally charged than she thinks it will. She is a very strong woman. She is young, healthy, and happy. She has a love waiting for her in the south. She’s going to do great, I’m sure. She’s still in my prayers, though. It isn’t easy under any circumstances to face such an enormous task alone. ❤

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“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-05-07T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/07/overwhelming-tasks.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/06/sold-to-the-highest-bidder.html", "title": "Sold to the Highest Bidder", "content_html": "

\"Gas “Mat boards form a bridge to carry pipeline equipment across creeks and up steep slopes.”

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On September 13, 2000, David Case wrote an article in Mother Jones Magazine about West Virginia’s Mountain (Party) Mama…Denise Giardina. Ms. Giardina is an author and was sick of seeing the politicians of West Virginia selling off the soul of this beautiful land. She even tried to run for governor by forming her own political party…the Mountain Party. She was born in West Virginia, raised in a coal camp, and has written books on the failing coal industry.

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David Case writes, “West Virginia often seems like America’s very own slice of Third World. A powerful clique of good-ole-boys rape the earth for natural resource wealth, while the masses contend with shabby schools and inadequate public services.” West Virginia has always been in the lowest numbers of any economic chart. Yet she is (or WAS) among the richest in natural resources. She was siphoned of these resources with very little in the way of financial or social remuneration in the past.

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\"Mat “Closeup of mat board bridge.”

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First it was timber. Then coal, oil and gas. Coal has seen a decided downturn in production with the pledges to reduce carbon emissions in an effort to protect the environment. Gas saw a resurgence when drilling began in the Marcellus Shale of North Central West Virginia. Look, I’m not going to get into a whole political rant here…this isn’t the place. There are so many sides to every story. There are people in this state who would not eat or clothe their families if it weren’t for the Oil and Gas Industry. I get that. And, there are people starving who cannot provide for their families because of reduced coal production. I get that, too. People have to eat

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News broke in November that China came in with a 20-year, $83.7 billion investment in West Virginia’s natural gas industry, yet very few details have emerged as to what, exactly, that will look like. What kinds of pipelines, cracker plants, processing plants, compressors? What about regulation? What about protecting the residents? The environment? Long term climate effects? Will this knock the struggling coal industry completely out of the game?

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\"Gas “Equipment operators work on steep slopes high above a roadway.”

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Oh, the praises and political jockeying to take credit for this enormous financial coup has been a sight to see. The sight that disturbs me most is the destruction of thousands of acres of forest, some of which are a stone’s throw from my back porch. I hate to see the land of my people, the home of my heart, being raped, pillaged, and plundered to send the gas beneath our feet from West Virginia to Louisiana and then shipped to China. Yes…they’re paying for it. But, for how long? Twenty years? You know…$83.7 billion doesn’t go as far as it used to, especially when you take into account each section of pipe costs around $25,000 to place. There’s an enormously expensive infrastructure to build.

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I hate what’s happening to the land. At the same time, my mechanically inclined mind is intrigued by the industrial process, I hate to admit. The other day, Mr. FixIt and I went for a drive and saw where the pipeline will be coming off the hill behind the farm, crossing the road, and heading up the far ridge. It is crazy to see the steep slopes these men and their ‘dozers are working on. There are places where bulldozers are chained together and a working ‘dozer gets lowered on a cable down the hill. Workers are literally on their backs with their feet sticking straight up as they try to clear away the trees, underbrush, boulders, and earth as they dangle from steel cables. It’s dangerous work…as dangerous as any coal mine.

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\"Gas “Closeup of gas pipeline workers high up a steep slope clearing land behind the farm.”

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Anyone with any land at all has put in mini campgrounds in their fields and pastures and even lawns in order to cash in on the economic windfall created by a lack of housing for the oil and gas workers. Restaurants, hotels, food trucks, convenience stores have all sprung up to accommodate the extra mouths to feed. Again, I ask…what happens in 20 years when it all goes away and we are left with a scarred landscape that can be seen from outer space? I know…it’s an influx of money to a struggling, poor state. Maybe people can put a little money away for the future. Maybe they can send their kids to school for better educations. Maybe West Virginia will invest that money wisely and not just line the pockets of the powers that be so our children can look forward to a better life. Maybe. In the meantime, the trucks going up and down our road have literally torn it to bits, hundreds of years of forest growth is gone, and everything is a muddy mess…all in the name of the almighty dollar. ❤️

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“You shall not pollute the land in which you live, for blood pollutes the land, and no atonement can be made for the land for the blood that is shed in it, except by the blood of the one who shed it. You shall not defile the land in which you live, in the midst of which I dwell, for I the Lord dwell in the midst of the people of Israel."”\n‭‭Numbers‬ ‭35:33-34‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-05-06T01:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/06/sold-to-the-highest-bidder.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Fear","Warning","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/04/my-life-mosaic.html", "title": "My Life Mosaic", "content_html": "

\"Mosaic “Mosaic of Starry Night by VanGogh”

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Every day since Mr. Virgo died, God has handed me a small tile and asked me to put it on a wall in my mind. At first, they were all shades of gray…darkness…shadows…swirls of inky blackness. I dutifully placed each one on the wall as He gave them to me. They made no sense. It was sheer chaos…day after day after day.

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Then one day, there was a deep blue tile. I held it in my hand as though I wasn’t sure what “color” was. It had been so long since I had seen any. After a bit of meditation, I placed the dark blue colored tile amid the darker swirls. Some time later, I got another blue, then another, and soon…the tiles became lighter and lighter shades of blue. A pattern seemed to be emerging in the chaos and I could start to see a picture forming.

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Curious, I began to run my eyes over the picture. I could see big empty places and I had an idea what I wanted to see there. I began to hold my hands out eagerly for my daily allotment of tiles. By this time, I was getting several a day. Then one day, I got a bright yellow one. It reminded me of something. The sun! Yes!!! I placed the tiles faster and faster. Bigger splashes of color emerged. Golden rays, swirls of deep orange, emphatic points of bright red.

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Finally, I thought the picture was finished. I stepped back and looked and saw there were still many empty spots that needed filling, some lines needed correcting. When I looked to my left, I could see familiar scenes…scenes of a life already spent. When I looked to my right, the blank walled stretched further than I could see…it’s terminus shrouded in a foggy mist. I couldn’t see where it ended…but I could sense an ending somewhere over there.

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This is my life mosaic. Here are all the experiences of my life up till now. The colors vary with the experiences of the moment. There, about twenty-five years back, was a dark period where I dealt with depression and divorce. There, about five years back, was another dark period when I dealt with the death of Mr. Virgo. All the other scenes are varying degrees of colorful brilliance, cool undertones, staccato spots of joy. It is beautiful and far from being complete. But every day brings me the opportunity to take what God gives me and paint the portrait of my life with it. I’m looking for a brilliant teal, a vibrant spring green, a luscious purple, hot pink. How about you? ❤

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“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-04T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/04/my-life-mosaic.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","God","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/02/pain-is-like-shifting-sand.html", "title": "Pain is Like Shifting Sand", "content_html": "

\"Purple “Iris on the OBX”

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Those of us who have borne children understand the pain of childbirth. It is excruciating while you’re going through it, but once the baby comes the pain shifts. It doesn’t seem quite so bad. It’s hard to remember exactly what the worst contractions or the moment of delivery actually felt like. The fact there is this tiny new life to focus on eases our memories of the pain, mostly out of necessity and sleep deprivation. We just don’t have time to think about it. But…what about grief?

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Grief is different. We don’t have that sweet little baby to focus all our attention on. We are left with this jagged hole…in our hearts, in our lives. We have “grief brain”, “grief waves”…change, change, and more change. And no sweet baby.

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Everyone is different. We experience it differently. We approach it differently. Some heal fast. Some feel they will never ever heal. Some seem strong and stoic. Some weep forever more. There’s no wrong way to grieve. There is only your way.

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Something has been niggling at the back of my mind for a while. I’ll try my best to explain it. It’s been five years now since Mr. Virgo died and I’m in a new relationship. And…I’m very happy. But I also grieve. Not like before. Not acutely. Not so deep and not so long. My grief has shifted…like the sand dunes by the sea. It rises here and there. It recedes here and there. And, while the pain of my loss is still very real to me, it has receded to a point where I don’t think of it all the time anymore.

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When I express my joy, I sometimes forget…like the new mother…that others may very well still be in the throes of grief. I try to remember that in my writing and address grief issues. The evolution of my grief has been a blessing and a curse. It is good that I’m not in pain like I was. It’s bad because I come across as insensitive to what you may be experiencing. I remember distinctly wanting to slap happy couples when I was a new widow.

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A couple of weeks ago, we were in Tennessee visiting my cousin and his wife. He has mesothelioma and has decided to stop treatment. There isn’t much left they can offer him and what they do have is so toxic it nearly killed him. He’s decided to “ride it out”. He’s been given four years since his diagnosis…two of which would not have been possible just a few years ago due to medical advancements. There were a couple of times while we were visiting that I just wanted someone to put their hand over my mouth and make me shut up.

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One such event was proclaiming how happy Mr. FixIt and I are. Another was telling my cousin’s wife I’d take her on a trip some day with my camper. In the first instance, the memory of wanting to slap happy people came to me. In the second, I realized I had just tried to make plans with a new widow that isn’t widowed yet. Both were Grief 101 faux pas. Yet, there they were. I have written about grief for five years…you’d think I’d know better.

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It’s a delicate balance…grief and joy. At first, grief always wins. And eventually joy comes in and plays a bigger and bigger role. When/if that happens is so highly individualized that it’s impossible to predict. I just ask God to always keep me stepping gently when I dance with joy so that I might not hurt others. I never, ever want to cause more pain through insensitivity. ❤

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“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”\n‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-02T01:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/02/pain-is-like-shifting-sand.html", "tags": ["Grief","Grace","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/25/rough-waters.html", "title": "Rough Waters", "content_html": "

\"Stormy “Stormy Seas”

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I can hear the surf through the open window of the condo. It rained all day yesterday with a pretty strong wind coming in off the ocean which raised the surf to choppy white-capped waves. We didn’t let the steady rain keep us indoors, though. Mr. FixIt cooked a big breakfast and we headed out to explore the many antique shops on the island. I got some really great ideas for decorating the ‘67 Franklin. I hope to get started on it soon, although I am not sure I can get it done for camping this season.

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The Outer Banks (OBX for short) is a long string of islands off the coast of North Carolina. We are up north in a little town called Duck. It isn’t very commercial here which is what I love about it. There are small restaurants and little shops. Everything is open already, preparing for the onslaught of the summer crowds. Shops are fully stocked and the staff are fresh and friendly. It’s easy to spend time chatting with a shop owner. I went into a yarn shop yesterday and bought some yarn to knit a couple pairs of socks for Christmas presents. I haven’t done much more than writing for so long…I am longing to be creative and make something with my hands. Although, making the time to do that will be a challenge for me. I am thinking I might be able to knit while we are driving home Saturday.

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Our trip is half over already…where does the time go??? I’m thinking we’ll go see the wild horses up north today. Maybe visit a lighthouse. I love just kicking back and doing whatever we want, whenever we want. Because, when we get home…there’s work to be done. And LOTS of it! ❤

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“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭23:1-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-04-25T01:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/25/rough-waters.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Growth","Peace","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/20/no-apologies.html", "title": "No Apologies", "content_html": "

\"Unplug\" “It’s ok to unplug.”

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What happens when you have to “dig in and go dark?” When you have the diagnosis, you’ve gone through the years of treatments, nothing else is working, so your spouse makes the decision you have dreaded from the beginning…no more? That was the question posed to me. It’s different for everyone and I don’t know for sure…I haven’t suffered this particular hell. But, my answer was this. Do what you need to do and don’t apologize for it.

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Facebook has become a simplified way to let more distant family and friends know what’s going on during illness and the dying process. It tends to keep people from having to write the same story over and over. I suggested being honest. Tell them where you are in the decision process, explain you’re entering new territory with many unknowns that you’ll be learning to deal with as you go, and now…while you love each and every one and you covet their prayers…you have to unplug. Designate someone to let the closest people know what’s going on if you can’t do it.

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You don’t owe the world an explanation. I understand there will be those who feel left out or put out, but your time is best spent in communion with your loved one. You will have many demands on your time. Trying to update everyone on social media shouldn’t be one of them if it overwhelms you. From the other side of the coin, understand there’s a lot going on in a family whose loved one is dying and as much as you would like to know what’s going on, giving a family space and your prayers are the two best things you can do if you aren’t in the “inner circle.“

\n

Many of you have shared your experiences of going through this kind of loss. What kind of advice would you give to someone heading into the last part of the process? What helped you the most? What did you really need from people? How did you handle communications?

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Remember, when you’ve gone through loss and you’re functioning better and moving forward, don’t forget to turn back around and offer your hand to those coming up behind you on the same journey. Insight…it is one of the gems in the flame. ❤

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“…a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;”\n‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-04-20T01:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/20/no-apologies.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/16/back-to-square-one.html", "title": "Back to Square One", "content_html": "

\"Breakfast “Back to Square One”

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I need to exercise more! After sitting on my hiney all winter long writing and working on my website, I went out Friday and Saturday and worked in the yard. As I began my two hour excursion on the riding mower, the word “sunscreen” flitted through my mind like a feather on the wind and was gone just as quickly. After all, I had a broad brimmed hat on…what could go wrong? Ohhhh…I paid for that Saturday night. I couldn’t find anything in the house to put on my sunburned arms and shoulders and felt too miserable to even think about looking up home remedies on the internet. Then yesterday morning I tried to get out of bed and discovered muscles I’d forgotten I had. The word grumpy comes to mind. I turned over and went back to sleep and ended up missing morning services.

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I looked in the mirror the other day and realized all that hard work I did climbing all those stairs a couple years ago is long gone. Hard muscles have been replaced with something between cottage cheese and pizza dough. My stamina is decreased, I get sick easier, and I’m turning sixty-five in two months. This simply will not do! I told Mr. FixIt we have to get back in gear this spring. Fortunately, he’s a good eater and loves to exercise so I have a partner to motivate me.

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We will be heading to the Outer Banks this week. The bikes are coming with us this time. I anticipate lots of long walks on the beach and bike rides in the evenings. The weather will be cool but hopefully the rain will stay away for the most part. If not, there is an exercise room at the condo complex. We have a full kitchen in our place so we can eat well and stay out of expensive, fattening restaurants. It will be nice to get away and sit by the ocean for a while. We have visits with family coming up as well on this trip so we’re really looking forward to the break. ❤

\n

“This is what the Lord says, he who appoints the sun to shine by day, who decrees the moon and stars to shine by night, who stirs up the sea so that its waves roar— the Lord Almighty is his name:”\n‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭31:35‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-04-16T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/16/back-to-square-one.html", "tags": ["Travel","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/14/sacrosanct.html", "title": "Sacrosanct", "content_html": "

\"Two “It’s good to love again.”

\n

Fridays. Since we first started dating, Fridays have been declared “sacrosanct”…too important or valuable to be interfered with. We don’t make plans with anyone on Fridays. That’s OUR day. We go where we want, do what we want. No obligations other than to enjoy each other’s company to the fullest. I’ve come to love Fridays. We look forward all week long to our special day. It’s special because we declared it so.

\n

We packed up from our week at the farm and headed back to the Ponderosa yesterday. We went to Walmart and bought oil and a filter so I could change the oil on my truck before we leave next week for the beach. It was only the second time I’ve changed the oil and Mr. FixIt sat right there and answered any questions I had. He handed me tools. And he offered words of encouragement when things didn’t go quite as smoothly as they had the first time. First, I tried using the creeper…that thing you lay on and roll under the vehicle. The new ramps Mr. FixIt bought aren’t as high as the old ones and with the creeper under me, I was feeling way too cramped. So I scooted back out and started over by wiggling under the truck. The engine was still pretty warm so the oil was runny and when I took the plug out of the oil pan, it sprayed everywhere. All over me…in my hair. What a mess. But, eventually…I got it done.

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I have never had a qualm about doing hefty projects around the house, but I always deferred things like changing the oil to the man of the house or the guy at Jiffy Lube. It never occurred to me to do these things. But after Mr. Virgo died, I felt so incompetent at so many things. I vowed I would learn how to do anything that needed doing so I would never feel that vulnerable again. Mr. FixIt is an excellent teacher and has infinite patience with me. At first, I think it bothered him a bit that I wanted to do things myself. It gives him great pleasure to do things for me. Now he seems to get a big kick out of watching me accomplish something and be so proud of myself.

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Loving after loss is different. I’m much more independent and assertive than I have ever been. This love encompasses fierce bravery and incredible tenderness. Case in point…I was putting laundry away yesterday when the song “At Last” came on the playlist. Out of the blue, I was standing in Rivers Restaurant on a crisp April day…dancing in Mr. Virgo’s arms. Our first, and only, dance was at our wedding reception. Nine times out of ten, I can hear that song and smile. Not yesterday. I sat on the edge of the bed and cried. It’s a short song. It was soon over and I dried my eyes and went on about my work. Later, I walked through the kitchen and Mr. FixIt was doing dishes. I stopped and watched him for a few moments. When he was finished, he turned and saw me standing there and smiled as he wiped his hands.

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“I love you more than I ever dreamed possible,” I said. “And, even with that deep love, I just sat on the bed and cried when “At Last” came on.”

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He knows the significance of the song. He opened his arms wide and drew me into his embrace. He held me close and whispered into my hair.

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“Of course you did, sweetheart. It brings back memories.”

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That’s all. No attempt to jolly me out of it. No rush to move me along and change the subject. Just honor. And love. And support. And validation. No one…no one could ever ask for anything more beautiful than that. What a wonderful man.

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I love Fridays. ❤

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“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”\n‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-04-14T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/14/sacrosanct.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/13/country-life-is-not-for.html", "title": "Country Life is Not for Sissies!", "content_html": "

\"Squirrel\" “There was a little squirrel…”

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Yesterday was the most beautiful so far this year. The temperature got up to 82…truly hot on the front porch at 5:00. I think this “cold” might be allergies. I was listening to the news and they said with the late spring rains and cool temperatures, the pollen counts have been held down. That is, until the last couple of days. It warmed up dramatically and the wind whipped the pollen count into a veritable poison soup for those of us allergic to everything outdoors. I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t already been taking antihistamines.

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I was sitting in the front window sipping my morning coffee and trying to decide if I was going to live or not when something outside caught my eye. A dark shadow passed by the window. When I looked closer, it was a vulture…sitting on my lawn. I swear he was looking at me. Dang…I knew I didn’t feel great, but…vultures? I was worried. So I went back to bed.

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With enough Benadryl on board to knock out a line backer, I snoozed half the afternoon away but woke up feeling much better. My cousin Charlotte stopped by to visit…my first “front porch company” of the season! She brought me a cute little camper birdhouse I can’t wait to hang up. New birds are showing up every day here at the farm. The brown headed cowbirds are back. And some really big blue jays. And, of course…vultures! Oy.

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I was wandering around last evening, checking out the flowers when I noticed Boy Cat chasing something…bigger than the usual mouse he’s after…definitely not a bird. I got closer and it was a….baby squirrel. I screamed. The cat froze, and for a moment, the little squirrel managed to get a couple of feet away. The cat and I stared each other down. I was praying for a little time for the baby to get to a safe place. The cat read my mind as I lunged for the little fur-ball and he took off like a shot. I grabbed a flower pot as the cat and I closed in but try as I might, I couldn’t get the pot over the baby! He scampered under the trailer with a blur of orange and white fur hot on his tail. The little squirrel wedged itself between the tire and the chock and I tried to shoo away the cat. He stood his ground like a Sherman tank. I made one last attempt by grabbing the baby squirrel’s tail but that spooked him and he took off under the camper. I scrambled around but I couldn’t get to him. I couldn’t help it. I really tried. But I had to get up and run in the house and close the door. I couldn’t watch. That was one determined cat. I can only pray the little squirrel got away.

\n

These are the norms of nature. Farm cats kill little wild things. And sometimes bigger wild things kill farm cats. The only thing that I am grateful for is Boy Cat didn’t leave a dead baby squirrel on my doorstep as a gift for his Food God. That would have done me in. ❤

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“The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭12:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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#Animals, #kindness, #farmlife

\n", "date_published": "2018-04-13T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/13/country-life-is-not-for.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Fear","Change","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/09/hiraeth.html", "title": "Hiraeth", "content_html": "

\"Hiraeth “Hiraeth…a longing for a home you can’t return to.”

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A Welsh word for the yearning…the grief for the places of your past. Yet, not necessarily a house. A place in your life that you can never return to. This is so much of what grief is…that longing to return to that homely feeling of the love you shared with another. I remember feeling this so very strongly after losing my grandma. And then my mom. It consumed me when I lost Mr. Virgo…that longing for home.

\n

I felt it when I lost my dad, but in a different way. I yearned for the daddy I never had…not the father that was lost in his cups. I feel it from time to time for my mother’s house that I regretted selling almost before the ink was dry.

\n

I feel it in a way, at this very moment, lying in my grandparent’s bedroom…knowing each day here is one closer to the last I will experience in this place. Anticipatory hiraeth. I wonder if that’s a “thing”?

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I know this word. I feel this word in my bones. The dichotomy is not lost on me. Unspeakable joy, unspeakable tragedy, unspeakable joy. The ebb and flow of life swings with such violence at times. Right now, I’m enjoying an easy float down a peaceful stream, my fingers gently trailing in the calm blue water. But my bones remember. Bones never forget. ❤️

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“By faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible.”\n‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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#Hiraeth, #longing, #love, #home

\n", "date_published": "2018-04-09T01:30:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/09/hiraeth.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Wisdom","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/08/doing-the-happy-dance.html", "title": "Doing the Happy Dance!!!", "content_html": "

\"Messy “Organized Chaos”

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Wahoo! I not only got the taxes done, but I found the results to be quite pleasing. I don’t know why I was so worried. I had myself convinced I was going to have to pay a huge amount but that didn’t turn out to be the case. I feel such a heavy load has been lifted. Now I can go get the new brakes on my truck this week. I was putting it off till I was sure about the taxes.

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Getting these deadlines and the taxes behind me has opened my coming days to more enjoyable pursuits. We’re going to spend more time at the farm to enjoy all of grandma’s flowers. We’ll start preparing for our trip to the beach. There are some outdoor things at both houses that need doing…cleaning off the porches, trimming some shrubs, some minor hope repairs. Not to mention start cleaning out that huge building behind Mr. FixIt’s house. I’m telling you…even THAT tops doing paperwork and taxes!

\n

The other day, I heard from Tammy. Those of you who have been around for a while may remember the story about meeting a woman in the Hot Springs Pool in Glenwood Springs. She had just arrived in town after driving from Cincinnati. I was leaving the locker room and saw her standing there, clutching her bag and peeking out at the pools. She wasn’t sure of the procedure. I told her how everything worked and when she came out, she sat by me in the therapeutic pool…the one that runs at 105 degrees.

\n

We had a lovely conversation. I told her I was from Parkersburg originally, just up the river from her. Before long, she told me her father had passed away recently and she was struggling. I told her I had lost my parents, too. And it hadn’t been more than a year since I lost my husband. I quoted something from my blog…something I had just written the week before…but I didn’t identify myself as the author.

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Suddenly, Tammy narrowed her eyes and asked. “Do you write a blog?”

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“Why, yes. Yes, I do.” I replied, somewhat surprised.

\n

“Is it something about marshmallows?” she asked.

\n

“How would you know that?” I was stunned.

\n

“I’ve been researching Glenwood Springs and your blog came up. I’ve been reading it for a while now.” Tammy smiled.

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This has happened a lot over the last couple of years as the blog gets around, but this was the first time anyone knew my work and I was humbled. Tammy has followed along all these years and on occasion, we reach out and say hello. The other day, she reached out and shared something deeper. It turns out, she was very ill last year. To the point she wasn’t sure she was going to make it. She wanted to let me know that the uplifting “notes from God” that shine through my posts helped keep her going. She sat in the hospital having treatments and looked for my posts, reading them over an over and they offered her comfort and courage and hope. And,l now, thank you God, she is well and traveling again.

\n

I got such a lump in my throat when she told me that. It reassured me, yet again, that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. She found me when she was mourning her father. Yet she kept reading all these years. Why? I know why. God gives me the words and He brings those who need to read them. That is my prayer before I write. God is so good…he is so faithful. He knew Tammy was going to need to hear from him in a real and tangible way, so he made our paths cross that cold November night in a hot springs. I almost didn’t stop that night. I was on my way home from Denver when I just got the pull…go there.

\n

That still, small voice can bring the most amazing experiences into your life…the most beautiful people. You just have to listen…and be obedient.

\n

Oh, and eleven years ago yesterday, I married Mr. Virgo. The week he died, I put two alarms in my phone to repeat every year. One was the exact time we said I do. The other was the last breath he took. I’ve been busy the last couple of weeks with writing and deadlines and taxes and the date slipped my mind. Till yesterday…when the alarm went off. I smiled and whispered, “Thank you for being part of my life.” Then I removed the alarm. I thought about it for a moment, and removed the alarm that would forever remind me of the exact time of his death, as well. I didn’t need either one anymore.

\n

It was time.❤

\n

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-04-08T01:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/08/doing-the-happy-dance.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/07/coveting-spring.html", "title": "Coveting Spring", "content_html": "

\"Daffodils “Daffodils by the Cistern”

\n

I set to work yesterday, determined to finish the taxes. I sorted through every bag of papers I brought to the farm with me, only to come up two papers short. By the time I discovered this, it was mid-afternoon so I texted Mr. FixIt. He was due to arrive in a few hours.

\n

“Change of plans.” I texted. “I’m coming home.”

\n

He is a patient and flexible man, thank goodness.

\n

\"Quince\" “Quince on the Creek Bank”

\n

I did a quick walkabout and caught some pictures of the flowers at the farm before I packed up the important stuff and headed to The Ponderosa. As I drove through the countryside, I marveled at the earth waking up all around me. I came around a bend and the pasture near an old, broken down farmhouse was dotted with daffodils. Great splashes of yellow spread out before me and I smiled. Someone…long ago…planted all these little bulbs in this field. I knew. There was once a woman who coveted spring as much as me. I could imagine her living in what may have seemed a hovel…or perhaps, a castle to her. She worked hard to keep her family fed and her farm in order. Maybe she bought a bag of little daffodil bulbs at the feed store with her egg money…an impulse purchase meant to bring joy in the springs to come. And, long after she was dead and gone, I swung around that bend in the road and thought of the nameless, faceless woman with a love for all things fresh and new.

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\"Daffodils “Grandma’s Daffodils “

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I whispered my thanks to her and drove on. ❤

\n

““Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.”\n‭‭Luke‬ ‭12:27-31‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-04-07T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/07/coveting-spring.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Grace","Peace","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/05/standing-on-the-edge.html", "title": "Standing on the Edge", "content_html": "

\"Holding “The Sweetest Love”

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Ever since I changed my Twitter handle to @GriefMaven, I’ve been meeting the coolest people in the grief support community. I have had more interaction and made more connections in the last month than I did in all of the five years prior. I have to admit, I didn’t really “get” Twitter. You send some random thought out, you throw a few hashtags with it in the hopes someone else is interested in said hashtagged subjects, then they like your Tweet. Maybe you get the cherished “Retweet” where they like it so much, they send it on. Or…the Holy Grail of Tweetdom…they FOLLOW you! They like you enough to watch what you’ll say next. I get it now. You can truly build a community in Twitter and I must say I am enjoying it tremendously. It’s an excellent platform to build each other up.

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In the process of tweeting and retweeting, I find writers I may not have found otherwise. Such is the case of Catherine Tidd. She wrote a guest post on Hello Grief (hellogrief.org) about dating. The horse has already left the barn for me, but some of you may be thinking about dating again. If so, I couldn’t have written a better article about it that Catherine did with “Time to Cast the Line”. (I’ll leave the link at the bottom of this post.)

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Ever since I started dating Mr. FixIt, there has been this deep “feeling” I haven’t been able to express. It flits to the surface on occasion and I stuff it back down because people might not understand. Heck…even I don’t understand. So I stuff it back down, feeling like I should be celebrating something but can’t let myself. Catherine’s article articulates what I’ve been feeling so well, so I’ll just share it here. And then we’ll discuss it.

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This is the best relationship I have ever been in.

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There. I’ve said it. It’s the best, really. It’s deeper. It’s broader. It’s lighter. It’s easier. It’s filled with love and laughter and light and God. I was so afraid admitting this would somehow be disrespectful of what I had before. So, what does that mean about my marriage? My relationship with Mr. Virgo? Our life and love?

\n

Absolutely. Nothing.

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You know why? Because I’m not the same woman Mr. Virgo married. I’m not the same woman that lived with him. I’m not the same woman that loved him. I’m so much more now…BECAUSE I had him. BECAUSE I was married to him. BECAUSE I loved him. And…BECAUSE he died. I hate when people tell you everything happens for a reason. My friend, Debbie Weiss (@thehungoverwidow) says she hates when someone says everything happens for a reason, as if her husband’s death was necessary to stave off a plague of frogs. (Read her…she’s funny!)

\n

I didn’t have to lose Mr. Virgo to gain some sort of amazing insight into my existence. I didn’t have to lose him to achieve a grand level of personal growth. But…those things happened, and I’m a different person than I was before. (Remember my pickle/cucumber analogy?) Like Catherine says in her article…who knows if Mr. Virgo would even LIKE who I am now? I’m stronger and much more outspoken. I’m a hundred times more independent. When I want to pick up and go…I go. He told me from the outset that he didn’t date women who wanted to pick up and go. He wanted someone who would be there with him. So…I was there. I don’t regret it. Not for a minute. But I’m not that same person. And, fortunately, Mr. FixIt knows that and understands me.

\n

I could never find another man like Mr. Virgo. And if I did, maybe it wouldn’t work for me in this incarnation of myself. Does that mean I don’t still love him. Of course not. Does it mean I’ve “gotten over him?” Oh, h*** no! You don’t ever “get over” someone you loved with the white hot heat of the sun. But the sun is shining again. And…the sun shines bright now because I longed for the sun…I was so ready for the sun…I will cherish every moment I can get in the sun.

\n

It’s ok if you don’t ever want to date again. I am behind you 100%. Some people are just happy as little clams to not be bothered. Good for you! You know yourself and that is awesome. But, if you feel…even a little bit…that you miss the companionship of another, the warmth of another, the humor of another….don’t be afraid. There are good men out there. There really are. Mr. FixIt is proof of that. This is the best…really. ❤️

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www.hellogrief.org/time-to-c…

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“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.”\n‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:16-19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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#love, #MovingForward, #relationships

\n", "date_published": "2018-04-05T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/05/standing-on-the-edge.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/02/gentle-guidance.html", "title": "Gentle Guidance", "content_html": "

\"Ipad\" “Working on my iPad in front of the big window.”

\n

The Bible teaches us to teach others…to correct them in their ways…so that they might learn and grow and walk in the right direction with God. Yesterday, I was the recipient of such gentle guidance and it struck me deeply. It gave me a sudden insight into my own behaviors and was most welcomed.

\n

For the last couple of weeks, I’ve mentioned several times how much work it has been to copy over the old posts from Facebook to my website. In looking back, I can see whining and complaining showing through my words. Sometimes it takes someone else to shine a light on a situation for you to really see it. That’s exactly what happened when a gentle reader wrote to me and pointed out the Bible loves a cheerful giver. I am giving to that new widow by making it easier for her to read the works that will speak into to her current situation. She pointed out that God uses ALL things for HIS good…and that includes when he put it on my heart to copy all this work over. I was reminded to think about what my spirit was while transferring. I simply love that and I am so grateful for her for taking this moment to teach me and gently correct my path. That is what we are supposed to do as Christians.

\n

It reminded me of 2 Timothy 3:16-17. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” I get busy and self absorbed and sometimes feel overwhelmed with writing deadlines. Between that and the taxes, I did not have my heart in the right place as I copied and pasted. I was just looking at it as another chore to be done. I wasn’t being mindful of the intent and for whom I was sacrificing.

\n

Thank you, dear one. Thank you for the gentle correction and uplifting guidance. It changed my heart. ❤️

\n

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭4:23‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-04-02T01:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/02/gentle-guidance.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/22/fill-er-up.html", "title": "Fill 'er Up", "content_html": "

\"Woman “Get your tank filled.”

\n

Borrowing from part of Sunday’s sermon, I’m going to run with this. I took the Ford in to get the oil changed and new brakes and asked them to check the engine. It had been running a little rough, I thought. After carefully checking it over, they determined I probably got a bad batch of gas and it would work itself out. I usually buy the lowest grade unless I’m towing my camper. That’s when I put high test in it…when I need to make sure it runs well and has the most energy.

\n
\n

Our bodies are like that F-150 engine. If we put crappy food in it, it isn’t going to perform at its best. You’ll be sluggish. The better your food intake, the more you can accomplish in your life.

\n

We need to feed our spirits in the same way. If you don’t feed your soul with “happy”, you can’t possibly reflect that back into the world. That doesn’t mean all sadness can be rectified with a big dose of happy…it can’t. But, you can ask my daughters. The first trip out after Mr. Virgo died…even before the funeral…I made them take me to Target and I bought every funny movie I could find in the $5 bin because I knew I was going to need that. We went home, popped popcorn, and had a comedy marathon. It helped tremendously to bring some normalcy into a distinctly abnormal, tragic situation.

\n

Just like using a computer, “garbage in, garbage out” is relevant in so many areas of our lives. But we have to make choices. I know it’s not as simple as that, but putting joyful things in front of you goes a long way to helping lighten the load of grief. ❤️

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“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”   James‬ ‭1:2-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬
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\n
\n", "date_published": "2016-11-22T02:30:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/22/fill-er-up.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/20/first-snow.html", "title": "First Snow", "content_html": "

\"Snowflake\" “Snowflake”

\n

This is a big turning point in the year…the first snowflakes. They excite us. The holidays are coming. The turkey is probably thawing in your fridge. You are making your menu. You’ve shopped for the food. You’ve pulled out the recipes. You’ve invited family and friends. The games are scheduled. The marching bands will be descending on New York City any day. The workers are preparing the floats and the giant balloons. Deer season is starting. And here they are…the first flakes of snow.

\n
\n

I was standing in the Cook’s Store in Marietta after lunch yesterday when I overheard a couple talking about a bundt pan. The man admitted he used his as a water bowl for his dog. I tried not to show them I had overheard, but I was shaking as I laughed silently. I couldn’t help it. The look of horror on the face of the woman with him was classic! They noticed me and suddenly we were all having a grand, knee-slapping laugh. It was fun. It released a lot of stress to interact with total strangers with abandon. No agenda. We chatted a while then went on our way.

\n

I moved to the la Cruset display in the front window and saw a beautiful red tea pot. I look out the window and caught the first snowflakes of the season. I could hear the tea kettle whistle in my imagination so I brought that little red teapot to the little red farmhouse. We will have many lovely moments together.

\n

I lay in bed in the pale flickering candlelight and heard the icy snow hit the dry leaves with the same sound of sizzling bacon and wondered if it will amount to much. How will it affect my drive to church tomorrow? The first flakes of snow. The harbinger of change.

\n

Winter.

\n

May she come in peace. ❤️

\n
“He says to the snow, ‘Fall on the earth,’ and to the rain shower, ‘Be a mighty downpour.’ So that everyone he has made may know his work, he stops all people from their labor.”    Job‬ ‭37:6-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\n
\n", "date_published": "2016-11-20T02:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/20/first-snow.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/17/on-being-passionate.html", "title": "On Being Passionate", "content_html": "

\"Albert “A word from the wise.”

\n

It’s been a little over a week since the election. I don’t know about you…but I felt emotionally and physically exhausted after being subjected to such derision and anger on a daily basis. I, quite literally, was numb from the whole process and escaped through a cleaning frenzy the likes of which this house has not seen in years. And that’s from a woman who never watched TV throughout the entire campaign. I jumped on the Peace Train. I prayed and wrote and meditated and tried to wrap my head around the whole thing. Who I voted for doesn’t matter as much as the fact that I voted…there’s problems from both sides. I ride in the neutral zone here on The Ranch because politics raises passions and I respect you all…regardless of politics.

\n

One SHOULD be passionate about one’s beliefs. This election highlighted how divided we are as a nation. While I preach a message of peace, that doesn’t mean I should shirk my duties as a concerned, active citizen. I should learn everything there is to know about the issues that effect the world today. And…I can do that without hurting anyone. It is my responsibility to be a contributing member of society and research legislation so I can make informed choices in the polling booth.

\n

This isn’t easy for me. Conflict makes me extremely uncomfortable…being the child of an alcoholic can make it very difficult to be around verbal disagreements. However, I can still suit up and show up without entering into the fray. I can be passionate about being the change I want to see in the world. I don’t have to advertise my position in order to affect change. I can help…and I can do it from a place of love. ❤️

\n
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”    Proverbs‬ ‭19:21‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\n", "date_published": "2016-11-17T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/17/on-being-passionate.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Comfort","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/16/the-list.html", "title": "The List", "content_html": "

\"Ohio “Digital painting of the Ohio River at sunset.”

\n

I still suffer from “grief brain” to some extent. Or maybe it’s just the natural progression of aging. Or a combination of the two. I don’t know. What I DO know is, I have a whole list of things in my head at night when I lay down. I think of a dozen things I should have done during the day. And a dozen more that come to mind as my brain notices I want to go to sleep so it pops up and says “Here’s twenty-four things to remember in the morning. No fair getting up and writing it down!” So, it takes forever to go to sleep and…I wake up knowing there were twenty-four things and I remember, like…two. SO frustrating!

\n

I thought I was done with lists when I quit working and things got done at my leisure. Then Mr. Virgo died. My brain felt like I dropped a hair dryer in the bathtub while I was in it. I couldn’t remember anything to save my soul. It has gotten much, much better…but I think I will always have this lingering need to make lists now. And maybe write down where I park my car…and put my keys, etc. Now, I have to write lists, set alarms, send myself texts. If not, things get missed.

\n

The thing about lists now that I’m living 45 minutes from town is, I don’t shop as frequently so the lists get really long. And I end up spending all day running around from place to place. That was my day yesterday. I ended the day on a bright note, however. I met a friend for dinner and took time to watch the sunset over the beautiful Ohio River. And still, the moon is super. Thirteen deer on the road coming home last night. Today is trash day…and the beat goes on. ❤️

\n
“The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, you call forth songs of joy.”\n

Psalm‬ ‭65:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2016-11-16T02:30:53-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/16/the-list.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/15/home.html", "title": "Home", "content_html": "\n
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\"Farmer Fred\" and his wife, the \"Viking Princess\" are Facebook friends of mine. Those folks who my aunt used to call my \"pretend friends\", but undoubtedly the kind of people I like to fill my life with. While we've never met in person, Farmer Fred regales me with stories of living the farm life in Michigan. He tells me stories of his military career and how his princess still takes his breath away. He shares pictures of his draft horses and farm equipment, old logging operations and hand crafted stacks of hay that hearken back to a bygone era. He gives me helpful advice on do-it-yourself stuff around the farm and offers words of encouragement. Farmer Fred and the VP are good people and someday we'll sit together over a meal and discuss farming and literature and the human condition. But for now, our \"therapy\" is achieved over a virtual cup of coffee and a few snippets of life in the nether regions of this country.

\n\n\n

Yesterday, we discussed \"home\". Being a military man shaped Farmer Fred's world view and his concept of home. But his bottom line is, home is where the VP is. I totally get that. Home was wherever Mr. Virgo was. We moved to two different places before we came back to our little house in the mountains where he lived out his days, yet home had nothing to do with our address. Home was his heart. Home was my name feeling safe in his mouth. Home was his blue eyes and welcoming arms. Home was lying by his side in the wee small hours, listening to his breathing. Then…I became homeless.

\n\n\n

Death is a heartless thief who steals home away and places it just out of our grasp. Pictures and memories are all we have to remind us of what home truly was. We remember what home felt like. And every breath makes us yearn to go home again. I was lost, floating on the vast ocean of grief in a rudderless skiff…the storm threatening to capsize me at any moment. In my pain, I had forgotten something very important. My home…my real home…does not lie in the heart of another. It does not exist in a box of wood and stone. It isn't held in the hands of a man. My home is in Heaven. I'm just here on temporary assignment…a sort of \"working vacation\" where I've come to learn to love, among other important lessons. But basically, to learn to love unconditionally. When my assignment here is complete, however long that is, I'll go back home. Until then, I have different addresses and different lessons to learn while I live there.

\n\n\n

That doesn't mean we can't find a sense of home in the hearts of those who love us. When we love enough to feel safe in the embrace of who we love…that is a beautiful thing. That FEELS like home. For a long time after losing Mr. Virgo, I refused to believe I would ever feel that again. But time eases wounds and quells fear. I know if God wants me to have the sense of home a great love can give, I'll stumble upon it. It will walk right through the door and into my life like a gift dropped by sweet angels of mercy. In the meantime, I rest in the arms of my Father's embrace and I'm as close to home as I can get…for now. ❤️

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“You know the way to the place where I am going.”

\nJohn 14:4 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-11-15T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/15/home.html", "tags": ["Choices","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/09/give-me-light.html", "title": "Give Me Light", "content_html": "\n
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Ugh...I can't stand feeling like it's midnight when it's actually 5:27! I've had trouble with Seasonal Affective Disorder in the past so I'm always proactive when the time changes. A couple of years ago, I bought a \"Happy Light\" by Verilux at Sam's Club. The broad spectrum light helps keep the winter gloomies at bay. I sit down in the big rocking chair by the front window at 4:30 to write my post for the next day. I turn on my \"Happy Light\" that is strategically located to shine directly on me. Then I read and write until about 7-7:30. This extends my light exposure to the average day and really helps my mood stay stable. I also keep active. I've been maintaining my weight loss so my carbohydrate intake is low which also helps. I take St. John's Wort daily as a natural mood stabilizer and keep an active social calendar. I travel at least once during the winter and this year I am going to try to get someplace warm where I can stick my feet in the sand and get some warm sunshine in late January or early February. That's my recipe for feeling good all winter. Now, we'll see how that pans out.

\n\n\n

I've been busy with winter preparations here on the farm. I brought in straw bales to make kitty shelters on the porches. Yesterday, I cleaned and put away the patio furniture from out front, put fresh light bulbs in the outdoor fixtures, swept and cleaned the front porch, and moved the old ironing board I use for a kitty perch over to the living room window so I can see out the window in front of the rocking chair. I cleaned out the food from the pantry in TOW-Wanda and brought it into the house, tossing anything old and out of date. I got out my combo crockpot/pressure cooker/steamer and my George Foreman Grill and got them cleaned up, and worked on cleaning out kitchen cupboards. My next big chore is buying a steamer to clean all the floors. There is linoleum in all the living areas of this old farmhouse and a painted cement floor in the bathroom, all of which need a really good deep steam cleaning. Once the weather keeps me indoors, I'll paint and decorate.

\n\n\n

And then...there's this. We have a new president. Maybe your candidate lost. Maybe your candidate won. This is where grace comes in. Grace if you are on the losing side...and grace if your candidate won. Here's the thing...I don't put my faith in human beings. I put my faith in God. He has a plan. He doesn't make us privy to His plans. He has plans to prosper us, not to harm us. So...here's where you can demonstrate grace. Pray for the winner...by name. If that winner is not your candidate, pray twice as hard that God will touch hearts and minds and remind our president that the rest of us are still out here. 2020 is already in the works. Get involved. Do your best. Don't live in fear, dear ones. There IS goodness out there! Go find it. Go make it. But don't hide.

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My fervent prayer is for peace. I always pray for peace. I will not leave. I never leave a fight. Today...we are Americans.

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❤️

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“Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun. However many years anyone may live, let them enjoy them all. But let them remember the days of darkness, for there will be many. Everything to come is meaningless. You who are young, be happy while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment. So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless.”‭‭

\nEcclesiastes‬ ‭11:7-10‬ ‭NIV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-11-09T02:30:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/09/give-me-light.html", "tags": ["The Farm","Gratitude","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/08/election-day.html", "title": "Election Day", "content_html": "\n
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Mr. Virgo and I had different political viewpoints. Thankfully, it never interfered in our relationship as we could respect our differences and vote with our conscience. I have only been in one relationship where I didn't feel my views were respected and it did not last long. Politics make strange bedfellows but if we can live with a spouse with totally opposite views, surely we can live with our neighbors.

\n\n\n

I've never been so frightened, disgusted, embarrassed, and sad about any election. This has been an unprecedented display and I cannot tell you how relieved I am it is drawing to a close. We are likely in for a bumpy ride for awhile, regardless who wins. But no matter what, we've got to try to get along come Wednesday.

\n\n\n

My sincere prayers for a peaceful transition. Please be safe out there today and spread some love around.

\n\n\n

✌️️❤️✌️️?✌️️❤️✌️️

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“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.”

\n‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭54:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-11-08T02:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/08/election-day.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/06/looking-back.html", "title": "Looking Back", "content_html": "\n
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I seldom look back at what I've let go of. Mostly because of fear that I'll regret the decisions I've made and what's done is done. I recently learned my old next door neighbor sold her house and moved on. Yesterday, I was telling a friend about my former home and it set me to thinking about the space I shared with Mr. Virgo.

\n\n\n

I bought my home after I separated from my second husband. It was the perfect size to share with my teenaged daughter. With three bedrooms and two and a half baths, I knew I was blessed to have such a lovely space to live in. As a single mom, I wanted our home to be cozy and inviting. It was girly and sweet. Flowers bedecked the top of each window. Green and white striped sofas and large overstuffed chairs, quilts, crocks, and antiques gave a shabby chic atmosphere that begged you to curl up with a good book and a warm throw. Tea pots and mismatched cups nurtured your soul with the warm elixir of the gods. It was my first sanctuary. My grieving place after losing a twenty year marriage I didn't want to let go of. It was where I began to find myself and become the woman Mr. Virgo admired.

\n\n\n

When I invited this new man into my world five years after I bought my house, my décor was tired. I was outgrowing the cutesy-ness of it. And Mr. Virgo patiently waited for me to suggest we do some updating. Six months went by without me saying anything about all the sweetness and flowery ruffles around him, when finally he broke.

\n\n\n

One day, Mr. Virgo and I were watching TV and he said, \"Baby doll...have you ever considered redecorating in here?\"

\n\n\n

I put my book down and looked around...with MY eyes and didn't see what he was getting at. Then I looked at him and back at the décor with HIS eyes and saw it. The cacophony of patterns and colors must have wreaked havoc on his Virgo sensibilities.

\n\n\n

\"Well, I hadn't thought much about it, but I'll bet we can turn this place into something that reflects us both.\"

\n\n\n

He beamed. Finally, he was going to get to see something that didn't look like it just stepped out of a Laura Ashley catalog! A friend of mine was selling her large home in a fancy subdivision and was not taking her furniture. I loved her stuff and when I learned she was selling it, I grabbed Mr. Virgo and went right over. He loved it just as much as I did and the week after we were married, we set about making this house OUR home.

\n\n\n

When I made the decision to move to WV to care for my elderly aunt, I knew I could not keep all this stuff. It didn't make fiscal sense to pay to store it. Especially since I had no idea how long I'd be gone. Besides, I was selling the house and who knew if I was ever going to own another one. I took lots of pictures of that beautiful home before I dismantled it and distributed the contents to family, friends, and charity organizations. I look at these pictures and it's a museum. The Memorial Museum of Mr. Virgo. I only miss it in the way that I miss him in the picture. This is just stuff. HE was what made it beautiful. Without him, it became stuff again.

\n\n\n

It WAS indeed beautiful. But it lost its life with Mr. Virgo's last breath. It lost its allure. I've been thinking about decorating the farm house here and making it homey. I daydream about how cute I can make it. And maybe I'll pick things up from estate sales and auctions here and there as I live here. In the meantime, I'm comfortable with my memories.

\n\n\n

❤️

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\n

“My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.”

\n‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭32:18‬ ‭NIV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-11-06T02:30:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/06/looking-back.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Choices","Change","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/29/changing-seasons.html", "title": "Changing Seasons", "content_html": "\n
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I usually dread the change from summer to fall because it means winter isn't far behind. Those of you who have been following me since early on know how much I hated the winters in Colorado. They say Colorado has three seasons...July, August, and winter. They aren't far off. In general, winter is better here in West Virginia. At least it doesn't usually snow till mid to late November. And once March hits, spring is close behind.

\n\n\n

This year is different for some reason. Maybe it's living at the farm, but I'm finding myself staying present with each passing day and enjoying it to the fullest. In the mornings I read my books...A Purpose Driven Life, The Prayer of Jabez, and the Bible (NIV). I pour a cup of coffee and sit in my grandma's rocker in front of the dining room window. She sat here in her later years, rocking and watching the world go by. She was close to the phone. She was a runner when the phone rang so when she got too frail to run, she sat here.

\n\n\n

The view out the window is the hillside across the road. The leaves are falling fast now that we've had a couple of frosts. When a gust of wind comes up the holler, the leaves fly like colorful ghosts on the breeze. The ground below is carpeted with wet, brown leaves giving off the smell of earth and decay...a pleasant smell that brings back memories of walking to and from school with my friends, our feet swish-swish-swishing through the fallen leaves on the sidewalk...our footsteps breaking them down over time to a coarse powder.

\n\n\n

Even though I am about 30 miles from town out on the farm, I have many friends from high school that I keep in touch with through my personal Facebook page and I never feel lonely. I get to town a couple of times a week, at the least. One of my high school friends is Marion...a very talented artist living in Cincinnati. There aren't many people in my social circle who bring grief up these days, but Marion sends me interesting articles when she sees something she thinks might be helpful for me...either in my personal journey or my writing. Yesterday she sent me an article about the various ways grief changes your life forever. There are many ways that I am forever changed. Just as my tolerance for winter seems to be changing, so is my ability to distance myself from my acute grief. It is a relief on both counts.

\n\n\n

My world is changing...literally and figuratively. And, it's good. It's very, very good.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“As long as the earth remains, there will be planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night.”” ‭‭

\nGenesis‬ ‭8:22‬ ‭NLT‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-29T01:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/29/changing-seasons.html", "tags": ["The Farm","Presence","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/26/first-frost.html", "title": "First Frost", "content_html": "\n
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I scraped frost off the windshield yesterday for the first time this season. I had to have the truck in the shop bright and early and the sun was just peeking over the horizon when I headed into town...sipping my coffee and watching for late browsing deer. Everywhere you turn these days you catch the bright orange flash of pumpkins tucked here and there. Porches, storefronts, and garden centers are ablaze like a sunset and it reminds me my favorite color is \"October\"!

\n\n\n

The frost and the pumpkins reminded me of this poem so I thought I would share this little piece of autumnal Americana with you for hump day. It seems divinely appropriate for my newfound farm life.

\n\n\n

Have a beautiful day!

\n\n\n

When the Frost is on the Punkin by James Whitcomb Riley

\n\n\n
When the frost is on the punkin and the fodder’s in the shock, \nAnd you hear the kyouck and gobble of the struttin’ turkey-cock, \nAnd the clackin’ of the guineys, and the cluckin’ of the hens, \nAnd the rooster’s hallylooyer as he tiptoes on the fence; \nO, it’s then’s the times a feller is a-feelin’ at his best, \nWith the risin’ sun to greet him from a night of peaceful rest, \nAs he leaves the house, bareheaded, and goes out to feed the stock, When the frost is on the punkin and the fodder’s in the shock.\nThey’s something kindo’ harty-like about the atmusfere \nWhen the heat of summer’s over and the coolin’ fall is here— \nOf course we miss the flowers, and the blossums on the trees, \nAnd the mumble of the hummin’-birds and buzzin’ of the bees; \nBut the air’s so appetizin’; and the landscape through the haze \nOf a crisp and sunny morning of the airly autumn days \nIs a pictur’ that no painter has the colorin’ to mock—\nWhen the frost is on the punkin and the fodder’s in the shock.\nThe husky, rusty russel of the tossels of the corn, \nAnd the raspin’ of the tangled leaves, as golden as the morn; \nThe stubble in the furries—kindo’ lonesome-like, but still \nA-preachin’ sermuns to us of the barns they growed to fill; \nThe strawstack in the medder, and the reaper in the shed; \nThe hosses in theyr stalls below—the clover over-head!— \nO, it sets my hart a-clickin’ like the tickin’ of a clock, \nWhen the frost is on the punkin and the fodder’s in the shock!\nThen your apples all is gethered, and the ones a feller keeps \nIs poured around the celler-floor in red and yeller heaps; \nAnd your cider-makin’ ’s over, and your wimmern-folks is through With their mince and apple-butter, and theyr souse and saussage, too! \nI don’t know how to tell it—but ef sich a thing could be \nAs the Angels wantin’ boardin’, and they’d call around on me— \nI’d want to ’commodate ’em—all the whole-indurin’ flock— \nWhen the frost is on the punkin and the fodder’s in the shock!
\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“The breath of God produces ice, and the broad waters become frozen.”

\n‭‭Job‬ ‭37:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-26T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/26/first-frost.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Peaceful Moments","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/22/colors.html", "title": "Colors", "content_html": "\n
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I awoke in the night with the drumming of a hard rain on the roof of my camper. I love rain...especially in the camper or on the tin roof of the farm house. The roof of my truck was a solid mat of wet leaves. The air was dense with the humidity of an autumn fog. The soft unfocused green of the pine boughs formed tear-like droplets as the trees mourned the passing of their season. The air was still. The smell of pine sap mixed with the gentle wisps from a neighboring campfire. It was a good day.

\n\n\n

Days like this bring me back to the first fall after Mr. Virgo died. I lived in a subdivision with covenants so I could not have TOW-Wanda in front of my house. I missed her terribly. I was forced to live in my house where Mr. Virgo lurked behind every corner. Not having my \"traveling companion\" at hand made me anxious and depressed. Time has healed that particular wound. Although he still creeps in now and then. I was sitting in the camper yesterday thinking...

\n\n\n

\"This. This is what we planned for. This is what we worked towards. And you aren't here to enjoy it with me.\"

\n\n\n

\"I know, baby doll. I know. But look at you! You pull this thing like a boss!\"
I smiled.

\n\n\n

\"I know! You would be so proud of me!\"

\n\n\n

\"I AM proud of you, baby. I watch everything you do. You're doing great!\"
\"But...I'm getting tired of doing this alone. I want someone to share this with.\"

\n\n\n

\"I know you do, honey. I know you do. Keep your eyes open. I'll send someone special. Just be patient. You'll know when it's the one.\"

\n\n\n

\"You've always loved me and taken care of me, haven't you? I have no doubt you'll do this, too. I'll always miss you.\"

\n\n\n

\"We'll meet again, my love. Someday!\"

\n\n\n

These \"conversations\" with Mr. Virgo always leave me breathless but hopeful. My world brightens...even in the midst of a gloomy day.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“He reveals deep and mysterious things and knows what lies hidden in darkness, though he is surrounded by light.”

\n‭‭Daniel‬ ‭2:22‬ ‭NLT‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-22T01:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/22/colors.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/15/death-vs-divorce.html", "title": "Death vs. Divorce", "content_html": "\n
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Mr. Virgo was hubby number three for me. My starter marriage was relatively brief...just three years. My second marriage lasted 21 years. Mr. Virgo died just three weeks shy of our sixth wedding anniversary.
For me, the first divorce was probably the easiest to work through because I instigated it. I also was quite young at 23. The second was brutal. I was 47 and very much in love with my second husband when he ended the marriage. I was devastated. Then...I lost Mr. Virgo and I realized what devastation really felt like.

\n\n\n

Grief is a path everyone walks at some point in their lives. Not only does everyone experience grief differently, no two grief experiences are alike within the same individual. I grieved deeply over the end of my second marriage and I believe it gave me tools to help when Mr. Virgo died. If one were to \"compare\" the grief experiences between the loss of divorce and the loss of death....death is permanent. You will never have the joy of seeing your loved one again. The sting of rejection in a divorce you didn't want and the pain of seeing the one you love over and over and over, likely with someone new, brings salt to an open wound. You grieve the loss of divorce in a different way.

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Grief breaks us wide open. The life we planned is gone. Our hearts are broken in a million pieces at our feet. We sit, staring at the remnants on the floor and wonder how we can possibly pick those pieces back up and put them back together again. In time, we slowly gather the broken bits but the finished object is more like a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces than the whole heart you had before. And...here's where hope comes in....when you sit in the darkness of your broken heart, there comes a day when you notice the beams of light shining out through the cracked places. You slowly realize you can glow again. You can shine. Never quite the same, but you can shine.

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My faith is what held me together when I lost Mr. Virgo. It took a lot of miles on the open road to see how God knitted my broken heart. The cracks are His way of letting others see Him in me. There is purpose in all things, no matter how painful they are. And that gives me peace.

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❤️

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“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”‭‭

\nPsalms‬ ‭34:18‬ ‭ESV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-15T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/15/death-vs-divorce.html", "tags": ["Grief","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/12/its-always-something.html", "title": "It's Always Something", "content_html": "\n
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Just like Gramma Rosannadanna said...\"It's always something. If it's not one thing, it's another.\" This week's something is frustrating. When I went over to the wedding on October 1st, I remember walking into a store and looking down I noticed I was carrying the wrong set of keys. I had picked up my camper keys by mistake. The trouble is, I haven't seen them since and I can't for the life of me remember where I was when I last had them. I've replaced the keys to get in the camper. And, I have an extra truck topper key as well as the second PO Box key. What I am missing, and cannot seem to find the spare for, is the hitch lock for the camper. Those things are designed to keep people from stealing your camper and by golly this one is doing it's job! I have tried to retrace my steps. I know I had the camper keys the day I left for the wedding because I had to get my cowboy boots out of the trailer to take with me. Don't you just hate it when these memory glitches start showing up? I really need to get TOW-Wanda hooked up so I can take her to get the tanks dumped and clean before I winterize her. I would love to go camping again before winter sets in. Which brings up a new topic.

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Life changes on a dime sometimes and you have to create Plan B (and C, D, E, etc.) Since my aunt is unable to live at the farm on her own anymore, she has moved in with my Aunt and Uncle...her brother. My uncle has asked me to live on the farm and take care of it because he lives three hours away. Someone needs to be here to keep squatters out. While I love my gypsy lifestyle, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to live on this farm. It lives in my heart, this land. But that means I'm putting down roots, for a while anyway. I'm going to nest a bit. Jason Isbell sings a song with the line \"I'm tired of traveling alone...won't you ride with me?\" I'm weary. I've driven 45,000 miles the last two years and I need a break. I've seen a lot of places, met a lot of people, and done a lot of things. And I've kept myself busy and occupied. Putting down roots will give me the time I need to seriously write this book so I can move on to more projects.

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Life is all about moving forward, but sometimes you have to sit still to do that. Don't worry...there will be a boatload of stories to tell. I'm not going anywhere.

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❤️

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“He set the earth on its foundations, so that it should never be moved.”‭‭

\nPsalms‬ ‭104:5‬ ‭ESV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-12T01:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/12/its-always-something.html", "tags": ["TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Farm","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/04/when-darkness-comes.html", "title": "When Darkness Comes", "content_html": "\n
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I think you all will agree I'm a pretty upbeat person. Oh, I have my moments of sadness but they are less dark and less frequent as time passes. I went to a family wedding over the weekend. Hotels and motels are hard to come by in those parts so I stayed with my uncle and aunt. The aunt that lived here at the farm is staying there so I had an opportunity to visit them the night before the wedding. My aunt's brother and his wife were also there. It was nice to see them. But...it was also very sad. My uncle's wife has Alzheimer's.

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The decline has been rapid over the last year. Each visit brings a new low. These two have always been my role models for relationships. Not that I got it right...not till Mr. Virgo anyway. My aunt and uncle met as teenagers. They've been like newlyweds as long as I can remember. Always smiling at each other and touching, saying sweet love words when they passed in the kitchen. Happiness was a staple. It breaks my heart to see what's happening to them. My poor uncle has his hands full. We are working to get them some help.

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My second mother-in-law had dementia so I am not without experience. My grandma started losing touch at the end, as did my own mother to a certain degree. This disease is a thief that comes in the night and steals the light from within. We sit, helplessly watching them slip further and further away. We listen to the unintelligible babbling when they are sundowning, trying desperately to interpret this new language so we can comfort them. When we can't, they cry in frustration or lash out in anger. What a horrible, horrible disease.

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I sat by their older daughter at the wedding. I was offering my sympathy for her...watching her mother fade away like this. She sharply told me I was lucky my mom died so fast. Grace kept me from bristling at that, because we all know...even her...that I wasn't \"lucky\" my mother got sick and died in five days from something completely preventable. But, I can see the blessings in my mother not having to suffer like hers, so I gave my cousin only love.

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We are never prepared for the death of a loved one. But we are even less prepared for the time when their mind dies and their body stubbornly continues to carry on, sometimes for years. We utilize what services are available. We offer treatment as we can. We comfort them. We love them. But this is a special kind of hell for the caregivers of the lost ones.
I know there are many of you who are currently walking this path or have walked it in the past. Let's hear from you. What can we best do to help...both the person and their caregiver(s)? What helped you the most? What was the hardest thing?

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Grab a cup of coffee and sit with me a while. Let's chat.

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❤️

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“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”‭‭

\n1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-04T01:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/04/when-darkness-comes.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/09/30/soul-talk.html", "title": "Soul Talk", "content_html": "\n
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Last winter I thought I was done here in West Virginia. I missed my children and my grandchildren. I was bored, overweight, and more than a little frustrated with my life. I wanted time to go faster because I thought the farther I got from the day Mr. Virgo died, the better I'd be. At the same time, I didn't want to wish my life away. I was at a crossroads when my life exploded and things started to get interesting. I started getting messages from my soul.

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The soul has its own language...its own voice. You hear it through your heart, not your head. You feel it. When I was asked to submit the proposal to speak at the Positive Aging Conference, I reached a fork in the road. I could keep doing what I was doing...eating my emotions and living a sedentary lifestyle. Or, I could change my nutritional intake, start moving, and grow. I wasn't sure how I was going to accomplish it. I had to get still and listen to my soul.

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March saw me making these great changes and the weather in WV is SO much better than Colorado at that time of year. My soul said, \"Stay...your work is not done here.\" So, I stayed. I trusted. The Holy Spirit speaks through my soul and into my life and guides me. I knew better than to second guess. A door closed. Another opened. And now...now I'm living this peaceful, serene life. It is idyllic. It is quiet. I have the love and support of my family and friends. And something nebulous is growing. It is outside of my grasp right now...like trying to see through a foggy glass. But it will be mine when the time is right.

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What is out of reach will be revealed.

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❤️

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“My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding— indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.”‭‭

\nProverbs‬ ‭2:1-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-09-30T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/09/30/soul-talk.html", "tags": ["Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/09/26/the-jabez-appointment.html", "title": "The Jabez Appointment", "content_html": "\n
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I've talked to you a little bit about the Prayer of Jabez and how those two little scriptures have impacted my life in a big way. I read that little book every week and there's something in it I've begun to do recently...with amazing results.

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Bruce Wilkinson talks about events he calls \"Jabez appointments\". Part of asking for expanded territory is asking God to bring someone to him that he needs to talk with and share some light. Wilkinson recounts in story after story, tales of being in the right place at just the right moment. Since the rest of the prayer has been working so well, I decided to try getting some appointments of my own.

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The first time I tried calling in a Jabez appointment was in the spring. I went to the mall and said a prayer before I entered. I told God if there was someone who really needed me to talk with them, place them in my path and I would do my best to help them. I walked around and around that mall and was finally drawn into a store. The first person I met was the owner and within a minute I knew this was my appointment. I was totally amazed, not only by the fact it happened, but also by the fact I seemed to know exactly what to say to help this person, even though I did not know anything about him.

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When I went camping this weekend, I made that same request of God...\"If there's someone who needs You and I can help, cross our paths.\" It wasn't long till I walked right into my Jabez appointment. I won't divulge her identity or compromise her anonymity. Let's just say, I had personal experience with something that was affecting her deeply and our conversation was validating to her. Besides the obvious benefits of that, it deepened our friendship and I came away feeling deeply touched by the Holy Spirit.

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I don't tell you this to preach. I tell you this to share. I was telling someone this weekend, there is very little in my life that has been off limits to this blog and my faith has certainly played a big role in helping me get through the last three and a half years. If it helps you too, then the blessing is increased. I'm reminded occasionally to thank you all for being here and reading my daily essays. It means more to me than you can ever know and I love every single one of you!

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❤️

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“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

\n‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:31‬ ‭NIV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-09-26T01:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/09/26/the-jabez-appointment.html", "tags": ["Faith","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/09/15/the-end-is-just-a.html", "title": "The End is Just a Beginning", "content_html": "\n
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I pulled TOW-Wanda away from the river yesterday. I had her all hooked up and I stood across the road in the field, debating. Should I walk over and stand on the deck one last time and soak up this view I have come to love or just move on? I chose to move on. I've known all along my time at the river was a gift with a shelf life. I got selfish...I wanted more. More time. More days languishing on the deck. More sights, sounds, and smells of life on the river. The bottom line is, the place was not mine. It was a privilege to live there as long as I did and I appreciate my friends letting me stay there all this time.

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TOW-Wanda is getting some warranty work done and then we'll find some other place to stay. I'll still be at the farm for a little while getting the fleas under control. One thing I have learned is to be flexible. That's how you land on your feet.

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Life is an adventure!

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❤️

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“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

\n‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:16-18‬ ‭NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-09-15T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/09/15/the-end-is-just-a.html", "tags": ["TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/09/11/a-new-perspective.html", "title": "A New Perspective", "content_html": "\n
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I have been preaching at you all for the last nearly four years to \"go with the flow\". Stop standing in the middle of the stream trying to hold the waters back. Just turn around and go where God leads you.

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Most of the time, this is excellent advice. But sometimes...sometimes you have to be a salmon. You have to jump the rapids to come out on top. You have to fight and scramble your way upstream to get the goods. That's happening a lot in my life right now. My aunt wants to come home to the farm to live. She thinks I'm going to live there and take care of her. I don't know where she got that, but I just can't. We tried that and it did not work for either of us. And, she cannot live there alone. The place is falling apart around her and she can't take care of herself, let alone a big farm house. And...there's the matter of these tenacious fleas. We need to discuss alternatives. It isn't going to be easy, but I have to travel to see her today and have \"the talk\".

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How hard it must be to lose your independence, piece by bloody piece. Our independence is the last bastion of self. When they take that away, who are we? I want to present her with appealing options. I want to show her there are ways to live independently yet still have assistance when you need it. Help with meals and cleaning. Perhaps public transportation, socialization, field trips. I want her to see the love that I have for her. I don't want her to feel trapped or that I'm trying to take something away from her. I want the \"pros\" column to be MUCH longer than the \"cons\".

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I want her to be happy. She has done a lot for this family in her life. She helped my mom financially. She lived with my grandma and my uncle till they died, taking such good care of them. She deserves a life better than sitting alone on the farm, wasting away to nothing, unable to drive or shop or cook or clean or do any of the maintenance things that need doing. I pray I can be convincing and keep her dignity intact. I pray God will bring me the right words to say to her. I pray he will bring me \"salmon angels\" to lead me up the ladders so I can help her have the best life possible.

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❤️

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“For I will give you words and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict.”

\n‭‭Luke‬ ‭21:15‬ ‭NIV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-09-11T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/09/11/a-new-perspective.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/09/10/the-river.html", "title": "The River", "content_html": "\n
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My time here on the river is coming to a close. There are a number of factors involved but the biggest is familial obligation on both parties. I'll be spending a larger amount of time out at the farm and with winter coming, there's just too much to worry about with the river house. If there was a frozen pipe like last year and I wasn't there for several days, the results could be disastrous. The possibility remains to return next year, but I have come to learn not to count on too much too far ahead. I will certainly miss this view and the ready access to the river.

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I'll miss the sound of the riverboats and the trains. I'll miss the peepers in the spring and the katydids in the fall. I will miss the change of light with every moment in the day. The way it plays on the water. The days the river is as still and flat as glass. The days deep in January when the river freezes and you can hear the barges breaking through like a perpetual ice maker in a fridge. The lap of the waves after the pleasure craft have roared by. The occasional sternwheeler going up or down river. The smell of raw green vegetation when the farmer harvests corn or plows the soybeans under to enrich the soil for next season. Yes, I'll miss my time here. And I am so grateful to my friends to have had this opportunity.

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This weekend is the Sternwheel Festival. Coffee with the Divas. Church on Sunday then a quick trip to visit my family over on the east side of WV. Back a couple days later then hauling the camper up to Columbus to get some warranty work done. Next weekend will find me at the Country Living Fair in Columbus, OH. If you are there, stop and see me with the Sisters on the Fly and that fabulous Girl Camper podcaster and GoRVing blogger, Janine Pettit! Back on Saturday, serve at church Sunday, then I'm co-leading a group discussion on The Prayer of Jabez at New Wineskins (pub church) Sunday night. Then it's back to the farm and settle in to write, write, write. Oh, and paint the roof, fix a leaky spot, wrangle fleas, trim weeds, spray for poison ivy, paint the dining room, kitchen, and bathroom... A farmer/writer/blogger/speaker/wanderer's work is never done!

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❤️

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“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”‭‭

\nJeremiah‬ ‭29:11‬ ‭NIV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-09-10T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/09/10/the-river.html", "tags": ["The Farm","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/08/20/change.html", "title": "Change", "content_html": "\n
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Change is good. It keeps things fresh. But, we don't like it when others make the changes to our environment without our permission. I learned that lesson when I hung the painting in my aunt's house two years ago. It was the beginning of the end of my foray into home health care. If my aunt returns to live at the farm, I'm trying to keep the freshening up of the house less intrusive so as not to upset her in case she is able to return home. Her brother owns the farm and has asked me to live there if/when my aunt is no longer able to. He knows how much I love the farm and he needs a caretaker for it since he does not live nearby. I don't travel all over as regularly as I did the first couple of years so this works out well for both of us.

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Losing your independence has to be horribly frustrating and frightening. Losing control, finding yourself in unfamiliar surroundings...must be confusing. How do you talk about such things with people? Everyone is different and deals with those kinds of things differently. I would think coming from a place of love would go a long way in easing the bitterness of that particularly pill. I will be at my uncle's next week and scope out the situation firsthand.

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I'm going kayaking in the morning so I'm shutting down a little early. Go out and enjoy your Saturday!

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❤️

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“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:”

\nEcclesiastes 3:1 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-08-20T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/08/20/change.html", "tags": ["Family","The Farm","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/08/10/treasures.html", "title": "Treasures", "content_html": "\n
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I'm sleeping in my grandparents' room. I think it's the same bed. Could be the same mattress the way it feels. My Pop-Pop essentially died in this house. By that I mean, he was probably already gone from the massive heart attack he suffered at the dining room table while Grandma was out in the cellar house getting the jar of green beans she was going to fix with his lunch. My Uncle Bob carried him out to the car and Grandma drove the 35 miles like a maniac to the State Patrol office, but the patrolman told me later he was gone long before they got there. An ambulance brought him to the hospital where I was doing my x-ray training and they pronounced him. They placed his coffin in the living room not fifteen feet from where I'm writing this. He rested there three days before the funeral, my grandma barely leaving his side...a position she had kept two months shy of fifty years.

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Grandma had her last stroke in this bed. My aunt said she talked all night to Pop-Pop and my Uncle Sonny who was killed when he crashed his fighter jet in Germany when I was two. They took her to the hospital the next morning and she was gone in a few hours.

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My Uncle Bob died in this bed. My aunt had heard him coughing in the night and was relieved when he finally became quiet, thinking he was getting some good sleep. My Uncle Bob was an angel unawares. Grandma had chicken pox or measles (I'm not sure which) when she was expecting him. He was born with a slight facial deformity, a very pronounced lazy eye, and a strong speech impediment. The kids made fun of him at school and Grandma would have none of that so she just kept Bob at home. He was strong as an ox and sweet as could be. He had a sense of humor and remarkable insight. He teased me unmercifully by mocking me if I cried which made me very angry as a little girl. But he taught me to play checkers and he loved I Love Lucy as much as I did. He never told a lie. He didn't know how. If I did something wrong, all Mom had to do was look at Bob and he told her everything. Yes, as a little girl, he made me angry. But as I matured, I realized how precious he was. What a gift he was to everyone who knew him. His headstone reads \"Manager of the Bell\" because he rang the bell in the church steeple every Sunday of his life till he got too sick to go. My aunt has buried two husbands, her parents, a brother and a sister and she said there's no one in the world she misses more than my Uncle Bob.

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I've thought a lot about him the last couple of days. I've thought about all of them since I've been here. This place is thick with memories. I was so afraid I had lost my connection here. But it's with me. It's the cloth of my past...the memories, this house, this land. As I laid in the bed that my family has shared over the years, I felt wrapped in their love, comforted by their energy that lives on in this place. No matter where I live, this will always be home.

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❤️

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“Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other.”

\n1 Thessalonians 5:13 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-08-10T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/08/10/treasures.html", "tags": ["Family","The Farm","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/08/06/when-the-lights-go-out.html", "title": "When the Lights Go Out", "content_html": "\n
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Since losing Mr. Virgo, I've always said \"Nothing scares me!\" The truth of the matter is, \"Nothing MUCH scares me!\" Something does, though. I'm afraid of the dark. Not the dark of night. No...I'm afraid of what happens when the lights dim and go out in your mind. Someone close to me is having difficulty with that right now. A couple of people, actually. And I have to tell you, that scares the crap out of me. FOR them, of course. For their loved ones who watch them withering away, their minds shutting down like faulty circuit boards on a stormy afternoon. And for me...and the impact it would have on my kids.

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What must that feel like? Knowing something isn't right. Forgetting things and knowing it's happening. Feeling out of control, out of touch. I know at some point the disconnect is complete and you're no longer aware. But oh, that twilight time scares me. That...awareness of not knowing. We don't know what our lot in life will be. We can only hope and pray we will face whatever comes with dignity and grace. And trust that God will be there to carry us through.

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❤️

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“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

\nJohn 14:27 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-08-06T01:30:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/08/06/when-the-lights-go-out.html", "tags": ["Health","Fear","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/27/bridging-the-gap.html", "title": "Bridging the Gap", "content_html": "\n
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I close my eyes and see her. Fresh faced, a light dusting of freckles from the summer sun splashing across the bridge of her nose...the nose she got from her grandmother's side. Her innocent blue eyes and ready smile were endearing. Her long legs gave her the appearance of a filly gamboling about with the abandon of youth. Her skin was firm and smooth without blemish. Her hair long and sleek, one side carelessly tucked behind her ear as an afterthought. Her arms crossed her chest in an attempt to hide the budding breasts tucked in her stretchy training bra. She knew the touch of men long before it was appropriate. She felt shame, even though it wasn't her doing. She didn't know how to fill up the space that was \"her\". Her lips felt the first brush of gloss in her vain attempt at growing up. She lay in bed at night under a thin sheet, the hard-shelled beetles tap-tap-tapping on the ceiling, the heat bringing beads of sweat to her upper lip. She was beautiful in her plainness. She was graceful in her awkwardness. She wanted to be a doctor. She wanted to be free.

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I know this girl. I know her intimately. I've lived her life over and over and over in my mind. She lives inside my mind...inside my heart. I close my eyes...and we are one. I stroke her cheek...I feel it on my own. I run my fingers through our hair. Did I waste my youth? Don't we all, to some extent? Would I go back if I could? It's probably a good thing that isn't possible because I just might. What would I do differently? The singular most important thing I would do differently is have a relationship with God. My life would have been so much richer if I'd have included Him in it. I wouldn't worry about what others thought of me. I'd go to medical school. I'd collect more stamps in my passport and less stuff to dust and maintain. I'd learn to swim and sail and kayak and fly fish and haul a camper at 30 instead of 60. I'd be a bit more discerning in men and finances. I'd learn several languages. I'd act in community theater. I'd be a comedienne. I would be kinder to my mother. I'd be more patient with my kids.

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I open my eyes and smile. The lines on my face show I have experienced much laughter. The hole in my heart shows I have loved deeply. The callouses on my feet mean they have carried me many miles. I keep that fresh faced girl in my heart where she belongs. And I smile. I always smile.

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❤️

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\n

“who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”

\nPsalm 103:5 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-27T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/27/bridging-the-gap.html", "tags": ["Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/19/scaredy-cat.html", "title": "Scaredy Cat", "content_html": "\n

These are some pretty dark times in our world. I've never felt the world so disjointed before. We're all so disconnected and it scares me. I hate politics. I rarely watch it and never comment. I watched the opening night of the Republican National Convention last night. I felt pretty discouraged afterward. Not that the Democratic version will be any better. They regurgitate what they think we want to hear. And it's really so disheartening. It just exhausts me and left me with nothing to say last night when I sat down to write this post.

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I want kindness and grace. Hope. Honesty. Strength. Let us pray...

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❤️

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\n

“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.””

\nGalatians 5:14 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-19T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/19/scaredy-cat.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/18/motivation-monday.html", "title": "Motivation Monday", "content_html": "\n
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I met a great gal this spring from my hometown. We have a mutual friend who connected her to Marshmallow Ranch because she was just at the one year Angelversary of her husband's death. We met for coffee one day and ended up talking for four hours at Panera! She recently posted this...her \"Dear Self\" note drawn on her hand. I absolutely love this. It really speaks to me. It's a work of art. I have had a lot of \"Dear Self\" conversations since Mr. Virgo died.

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Grief takes a life that was a beautiful work of art and slashes the canvas. It smears the paints till they're a muddy brown. No color. No definition. It's so hard to look at that mess with any hope. Yet...look. Something as simple as colored markers on the palm of her hand has shown my friend that there can be beauty again. There can be colors. Sometimes we need a reminder.
There will come a day when you will feel like making the choice to see the beauty in life again. It's a clean canvas. A fresh set of paints. Soft brushes. And new eyes.

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\"Dear Self...Today you will shine!\"

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❤️

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“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

\nJeremiah 29:11-13 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-18T01:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/18/motivation-monday.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Change","Friends","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/09/mirror-mirror.html", "title": "Mirror, Mirror...", "content_html": "\n
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I read this the other day. A woman's idea of hell is an off white dressing room with a harsh fluorescent light overhead. One whole wall is mirror. No, wait....make that THREE walls so you can get all kinds of good angles! And, the tiny little attendant brings you oh-so-cute outfit after oh-so-cute outfit, each a size...maybe two...too small. And she does this for, like....EVER!

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I went out yesterday and tried on dresses for my high school reunion. I've had a picture in my mind of what I wanted and what it would look like on me. Let's just say, I have a very VIVID imagination. Even after losing 35 pounds, I STILL don't have the body of a much younger me. As Trainer Paul said, after I walked the Quincy Hill steps NINE times...\"Ginny...I hate to burst your bubble. You may FEEL quite young at heart, but your knees are...in fact...chronologically 63 years old.\" And, so...apparently is my body.

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Do I feel bad about it? Oh, maybe I'm a little disappointed that I wasn't more realistic in my expectations. But, you know what? I've lost weight. I'm much more toned. I look pretty darned good. Not \"pretty darned good for my age\" or \"better than a lot of other women\". That's comparing and indicates insecurity and a sense of competition, neither of which applies to me.

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Other women are not my competition. We're here to lift each other up, not try to outdo each other.

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But, still...dressing rooms suck!

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❤️

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“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

\nHebrews 4:16 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-09T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/09/mirror-mirror.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Aging","Change","Fitness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/07/fitness-friday.html", "title": "Fitness Friday", "content_html": "\n
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It's Friday already??? Today, it's all about the fresh fruit. OMGosh...I can't get enough watermelon!!! I'm eating it every day, several times a day. I'm a watermelon junkie. And grapes. And blueberries. I've been throwing a handful of blueberries in my salads. Add some walnuts and kale and avocado and you have a superfood-packed bowl of goodness right there!

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If you've been following along the last couple of weeks, you know that I was struggling a bit. Yesterday I had an a-ha moment. I took a good look at my diet and realized, after being gluten free for six months, I binged on shredded wheat of all things! I had it for breakfast every day for a week and I just kept feeling sicker. I didn't have it yesterday and I feel SO much better! The other thing that made a huge difference is where I am in my book. The last two weeks I have been rewriting the first few chapters. That deals exclusively with Mr. Virgo's death. It was killing me to slog through that again, especially since my defenses were down from being sick. Now I'm at the point where I'm writing the fun stories and I feel like the weight of the world is off my shoulders! Last night I went to a concert to hear one of my favorite bands...SHEL. I've seen them three times and they are so wonderful. My older daughter was able to get away for the evening and go with me and we had a lovely evening.

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I also got out for a walk yesterday. I've been so freaked out about exercise since I had that experience with altitude sickness. But, I've been here long enough now to be acclimated and walking felt great!

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So, there's my Fitness Friday message...eat lots of watermelon, start writing about fun stuff, listen to good music, and take your butt outside for a walk! You're welcome.

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❤️

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“Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you,”

\nExodus 23:25 NIV\n
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Photo Credit: Unsplash

\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-07T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/07/fitness-friday.html", "tags": ["Health","Fitness Friday","Choices","Change","Fitness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/02/amazing-grace.html", "title": "Amazing Grace", "content_html": "\n
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We all suffer losses in life. Usually, our first experience with death, aside from a goldfish or the family dog, is a grandparent. They're older. It's the natural progression of things. I lost my first relative that ripped my heart out when my maternal grandfather died of his fifth or sixth heart attack. It was 28 years before I lost the next one when my maternal grandmother died of a stroke. Four years later I lost my mom, a year later my sweet Uncle Bob. Nine years later, I buried my husband. These were the heartbreakers.

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Today, we say goodbye to our good friend, Bill. It wasn't like we hung out socially. I had never been to their home. They had never been to mine. But, he was a caring physician who took care of me many times. I was on his e-mail list for the newsletters he and his wife sent out during their missions overseas. And, I was on his personal prayer list. I read in his obituary that he woke up at 4:00 every morning and got up alone to personally pray for everyone on his prayer list. When he died, that list was twelve pages long. He prayed for every single one, every single day. Even when he was under fire in war torn regions of the world.

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I came up to the mountains yesterday so I can attend my friend's funeral. He was loved by everyone he met. His friends, his family, his colleagues, and complete strangers who came through the doors of his ER. Bill was a devout Christian. He loved Jesus with every ounce of his being. I sat with a friend last night reminiscing. Who knows why God took him home at the age of 59? He was training to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro at the end of the year before starting a new mission assignment in January. He was literally at the top of his game...two grown sons happily married. My friend surmised. We are sent here to learn to love. To love everyone, unconditionally.

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Maybe...maybe on that beautiful sunny afternoon, a mile up this magnificent canyon, God looked down and said, \"You're perfect. It's time.\"
As I drove through the canyon yesterday, I stopped at the trail head and talked to Bill for awhile. I thanked him for taking such good care of me and my family on so many occasions. I thanked him for all the prayers he prayed on my behalf. I thanked him for being such a good husband and father. And, I thanked him for being such a good and faithful servant. He was an excellent teacher, mentor, and roll model to countless people all over the world. He will be greatly missed but we will meet again.

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❤️

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“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

\nPhilippians 3:14 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-02T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/02/amazing-grace.html", "tags": ["Grief","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/01/fitness-friday.html", "title": "Fitness Friday", "content_html": "\n
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I have something really, really remarkable to share with you. Back in November, I shared a photo with you if the crepey \"old lady\" skin on my arm. I was laying in bed and held my arm up and was SO disheartened at what I saw. Then in February, I tipped the scale at over 200 pounds. My diet was horrible. I was eating tons of sweets, fried foods, fast foods, and processed stuff Trainer Paul refers to as Frankenfood.

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I made a conscious decision to change my nutritional intake (notice I didn't use the D-word, as in \"diet\") and increased my playtime (notice I didn't use the E-word, as in \"exercise\"). I was concerned about what my skin would look like after losing weight. We've all seen people who lose large amounts of weight and their skin hangs loosely on their now-trim frame, belying the underlying weight loss with folds and wrinkles.

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Well, look! Look what healthy nutritional intake and plenty of water has done to my skin! I still use the same amount of lotion. I have been using coconut oil on my skin, so that and clean/green living has changed the appearance of my skin drastically. This is the same section of skin, the same arm, the same camera, and the same time of day and as close to the same lighting as I could get. I even laid down and held my arm over me and shot from below so the gravity pull would be the same. I am stunned. I just noticed it last night as I was driving back from dinner. I couldn't wait to get home and take a picture and find the old one for comparison!!!

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I don't go by the scale alone, but I've lost 34.4 pounds. My smaller clothes fit better and that's my go to indicator. I still am not playing here like I was in WV. I went back down in elevation and walked an hour in Omaha on Tuesday. I'll give this altitude another couple of days before I play outside again.

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I'm heading to the high country today for the weekend.

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❤️

\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-01T01:30:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/01/fitness-friday.html", "tags": ["Health","Fitness Friday","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/20/motivation-monday.html", "title": "Motivation Monday", "content_html": "\n
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I spent so much of my life questioning my worth...my purpose. I wondered what possible difference I was really making in the world. What a sad state of affairs. I guess I'm just a late bloomer. I was like a bobber on a fishing line. Kinda floating along giving some indication now and then when something struck from below. There was no thought of being the rod and reel where the work gets done.

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I am a \"fisher\" now. I look for opportunities. I cast my words out into the world hoping they save even just one person from making the same mistakes I did/do. I operated from a place of fear. Once in a while, I find myself back on that all too familiar path. It usually happens in a moment of weakness...for instance, when I'm not feeling well. That's when I can hear the lies being whispered inside. The negative self talk. Where did we learn such cruel language? When did we start thinking it was ok to talk to ourselves like this? We certainly wouldn't tolerate it if someone else spoke to us in such an ugly manner...so why do we listen? Who taught us to do this to ourselves...and sometimes to each other?

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We each are born with a special set of gifts. It doesn't matter if you were born dirt poor or with a silver spoon in your mouth. It doesn't matter what shade melanin has made your skin. It doesn't matter who you love or what you look like. Every single one of us have valuable gifts that were specifically given to us to share with the world simply because the world needs it. I want you to hear me here...the WORLD needs that one special thing that only YOU can provide. You are important...no matter what that lying little snark in your brain is saying to you.

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I let that little you-know-what live in my head rent free for far too long. I let her eat my lunch. I let her tell me I was toooooo...what? Fat? Ugly? Old? Stupid? Loud? Too much...whatever? I looked for every clue thrown my way by unthinking, uncaring people that would support the voice that was shouting in my head. Mr. Virgo helped me send that voice packing. I'd tell him what the voice said and he'd hold me and tell me how wonderful I was. I would tell him the things people said that \"proved\" the voice was right and he'd hold my hand, look me deep in the eyes and say, \"Honey, you know that's crazy, right?\" And he said it enough and held me enough till I finally believed him and kicked that snarky voice right outta Dodge.

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Then...he died.

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Now it's up to me to remember his words. It's up to me to be my own cheerleader...my own guardian. I know it's harder when you don't feel good and when you're down. But that's when you have to dig down deep and remember...the world needs what you've got. And don't let that inner bully tell you any different.

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❤️

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“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.””

\nDeuteronomy 31:6 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-20T01:30:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/20/motivation-monday.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/07/memories.html", "title": "Memories", "content_html": "\n
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You know how Facebook sends memories? The photo on the left was me three months after I'd lost Mr. Virgo. I was in the wilderness of Colorado, sitting beside a mountain lake. The one on the right was last week. It's amazing the difference in three years. There is such sadness behind that smile on the left. What a journey. ❤️

\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-07T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/07/memories.html", "tags": ["Change","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/06/fear-of-change.html", "title": "Fear of Change", "content_html": "\n
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I have a confession to make. I really hate change. Change scares me. Oh...what's that? You, too? Fancy that! I am probably one of the most flexible, adaptable, light-on-my-feet kind of people you are ever likely to run across. Yet, since Mr. Virgo died, I dread change. The seven years he was in my life were the most peaceful years I'd ever known. It was easy being with him. He was dependable. Predictable. Steady. We approached change as an adventure we were prepared to embrace together. Change was challenging and fun. Then he died. And change became an obstacle. A chasm to be crossed...fraught with peril.

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It's not that I am a slave to routine. Quite the contrary. I get bored easily and need distractions. But those changes are under my control. I can pack up the camper and head out in any direction on any given day of the week. I can climb these steps or ride my bike. Kayak or walk. No, those things don't bother me. What bothers me is when people I've come to know and enjoy spending time with have a sudden change in their lives and I'm no longer included in as many of the regular activities I enjoyed sharing with them. Whether they get a new job, a new relationship, or move to the other side of town...I dread that change.

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Recent changes in the lives of several people I know and love and came to depend on for regular companionship have caused me to take a breath and look at change differently. Change is really nothing more than a transition of thought from one state of being to another. The transition takes me from where I was...where I saw myself...to where I actually am. It's life's reality check. I'm not a fifth wheel unless I think I am.

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Depending on other people for companionship in general isn't healthy unless you are in a committed, monogamous relationship. And even then, you should be independent enough to entertain yourself for some period of time...alone. Seek out additional friendships. I know how easy it is to slip into the comfortable shoes of dependability. But you've all heard it before...the only thing certain is change.

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❤️

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“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

\nHebrews 13:8 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-06T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/06/fear-of-change.html", "tags": ["Fear","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/05/24/letting-go-againand-again.html", "title": "Letting Go. Again...and Again.", "content_html": "\n
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Seriously, how many times do you find yourself letting go of the same d*** thing...over and over and over? The answer: as many times as it takes. This is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it?

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Letting go leaves a void. We are compelled to pick something up in its place. It's difficult to sit with a void. We feel out of balance. Out of control. Empty. So, we often reach for the brass ring...the prize...that one thing we \"couldn't live without\". This is the process of addiction. I know addiction is a strong term. But if you are letting go of your cell phone because it's dominating your world and you can't go an hour without fondling it...honey, I'm here to tell you, you're addicted.

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\"Hi, my name is...\"

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I let go of the life I thought I was going to have. I let go of my home and 95% of my belongings. I let go of the man who didn't make it home. I am letting go of weight that has kept me in shackles for far too long. And now, the cell phone? No, nope, uh-uh, not interested.

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I write every post on my cell phone. It's ridiculous. I've got two laptops, a desktop, and an iPad. But, I choose to type my posts with my index finger, hunting and pecking on my iPhone. Granted, it's a 6+, but still. I am quite attached to my cell phone. I could certainly check it less often. Maybe I'll try that. Yeah...and, maybe I'll sprout wings and fly.

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I've let go of enough for now.

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❤️

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“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”

\n1 Peter 5:7-8 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-05-24T01:30:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/05/24/letting-go-againand-again.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/05/07/passages.html", "title": "Passages", "content_html": "\n
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A dear friend of mine recently experienced an unexpected change of employment. After 30 years of service to his job and his community, he was \"moved\" to a new position in order for someone coming up the ranks to be trained in his job. It was a devastating blow and caused emotional turmoil. Suffering this kind of loss is akin to grieving a death. Because it IS a death. The death of the life that was planned. The death of a career. The death of an identity.

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I'm very proud of my friend for being proactive and making the difficult decision to go to an entirely new town where he and his wife know no one. New house. New town. New job. These are major life changes that can bring sadness. But they can also bring back long dormant waves of grief surrounding a loss from even many years ago. Being proactive and making changes will hopefully help them cope by giving them lots of things to keep them busy as they work through their feelings.

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Life is so unpredictable. Jobs are lost. Health fails. Friends or family members die. Our boats can be tossed on stormy seas. And once grief has struck, it's much easier to get swept away by the churning sea. The thing to remember is, the waves may be rough now, but there will be calmer seas ahead.

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❤️

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“When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.”

\nIsaiah 43:2 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-05-07T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/05/07/passages.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/05/06/fitness-friday.html", "title": "Fitness Friday", "content_html": "\n
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I've said this before but, fitness isn't just about the scale. Your interpersonal relationships are as important to your wellbeing as eating right and going outside to play. How you interact with other people can influence your mood and subsequently your food choices. Stress eating is a problem for a lot of people. Who hasn't consoled themselves with Haagen Daz at one point or another? Once isn't a problem. Making it a habit is.

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I had to break up with Ben and Jerry and that wasn't easy. I've been eating well for two months now so if I went off the deep end and binged on junk foods, I'd certainly pay for it. I go to the grocery store and circle the perimeter now. That's where all the healthy food is located. The rest is made up of Frankenfood, for a lack of a better term. Overly processed foods offer very little in the way of nourishment.

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I don't mean to come across preachy. I am on a crusade for longevity. I have seen firsthand what poor diet can do. I watched my husband die of a heart attack. Mr. Virgo had a lot of calcification in his arteries. Bad genes...perhaps. But bad food choices and smoking were a deadly combo. My experience as a Diabetes Educator leads me to these conclusions, though admittedly I'm not an expert in the field of medicine. I want all of us to be around to celebrate the anniversaries to come.

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❤️

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“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

\n1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-05-06T01:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/05/06/fitness-friday.html", "tags": ["Health","Fitness Friday","Choices","Change","Fitness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/05/04/evolution.html", "title": "Evolution", "content_html": "\n
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I don't think it's a surprise to anyone that I'm a princess. Or...at least, I WAS a princess. Mr. Virgo carried me around on a velvet pillow. And that's what I needed at the time. I needed to feel special. I needed to heal from a lot of things, so God brought Mr. Virgo. And my heart healed. Then it broke again when he died. When a broken bone heals, it is never the same as it was before. Neither is a broken heart. As I walk this grief journey, my limp is apparent. I'm changed, especially over this past winter. It's been subtle...but obvious to me. And it all stems around my fur coat. You remember my fur coat?

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Mr. Virgo gave me a full length blue fox fur coat for our first married Christmas. It is stunning! It gets a lot of attention when I walk into a room. It certainly did when I walked into my granddaughter's school to see her Christmas pageant when I was in Colorado over the holidays. She attends a very poor, inner city school where probably 95% of the student get free lunch. And here I waltzed in like Her Royal Highness. I was mortified. I immediately took it off, wrapped it with the fur on the inside and sat on it.

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That image has stuck with me ever since. I've danced around that coat ever since I got back. I am not sure I've worn it much, if at all since I returned in January. I just look at it, hanging in the spare room. What does it mean, this coat...this symbol of an affluence I no longer enjoy...or desire. I don't relate to that person anymore. But, what do I do? It was a gift from Mr. Virgo. I can still see the light in his eyes when I opened it and sat on the floor, crying like a little girl. Not so much because of the coat, but because he presented it to me with such love. He wanted me to have pretty things. I wanted to deny I was falling out of love with the coat...to the point I defended my choice to keep dragging it around. Then my friend planted a seed that grew and it helped me let go.

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Of course, there's the fact that I live in roughly 200 square feet with very little storage space. Storing it is a problem. Furs shouldn't be stored in high heat and a trailer or the back of my truck are extremely hot in the summer. It's already gotten fragile with rips under the arms and places where the lining is coming loose. It's impractical and doesn't give me joy like it once did.

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I've given it some thought and I think I am going to have the bottom, from the armpits down, made into a throw for my bed or the sofa. I can have the sleeves made into neck roll pillows. They will look lovely in the new color scheme I am planning for the trailer. And I will still have my sweet memories of a beautiful Christmas morning.

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It's time to pay it forward. It's time to be authentic. My crown is worn because Christ wore one of thorns for me. I am extraordinary only through Him...not because of a fur coat. It's time to spread the LOVE. I took a big bag and a box full to the Mission yesterday. There is more to go.

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❤️

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“If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.”

\n2 Corinthians 11:30 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-05-04T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/05/04/evolution.html", "tags": ["Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/04/24/ripples-in-the-force.html", "title": "Ripples in the Force", "content_html": "\n
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My heart was given a workout this week. I stretched my love muscles over thousands of miles to send love and light to a family in pain. When the end came, I was depleted in that way you get when you've given freely of your heart. It was time to recharge last night. Way back in February, I sat online and on the phone the day the Garth Brooks tickets went on sale for Columbus. I was thrilled I got 2nd Row Center seats! I bought an extra ticket to take a friend. She and I got all dressed up in jeans and boots. We took our Stetsons and fringed jackets. And we were ready to go. We stopped for gas and she asked what time the doors opened. I said, \"Here, let me check the tickets.\" Well, I searched my phone, Ticketmaster, my online bank account, and called the charge card to make sure the payment went through....and there was no record. Absolutely none. No tickets...anywhere. I was SO disappointed. It totally redirected my energy path. We salvaged the evening and went out for dinner at Olive Garden. After dinner, we found out the movie we thought we would go see didn't start for two more hours. So by 5:30, we were done \"painting the town\" and headed home.

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No matter how much I was looking forward to seeing Garth Brooks, this little glitch in plans is so minor in the grand scheme of things. As my friend pointed out, there's a reason God took that away. I needed to recharge this weekend in a smaller venue than an arena filled with screaming fans. I came home and immediately fell asleep for three hours. I meditated, prayed, and slept some more. I'll go to church this morning and fill my well from the Source. Worldly disappointments come and go. This is an excellent opportunity to remind myself from Whom I get my peace. And it's not Garth Brooks.

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❤️

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““For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

\nIsaiah 55:8-9 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-04-24T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/04/24/ripples-in-the-force.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Fun","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/04/13/memories.html", "title": "Memories", "content_html": "\n
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I sat down this morning to do my taxes. When I opened my laptop, I saw the calendar reminder from last week. April 7th would have been Mr. Virgo's and my 9th wedding anniversary. It never entered my mind. I had no dread leading up to it. And I only had momentary regret that I forgot.

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It was a busy week with traveling and the excitement of getting a literary management contract. Thursday morning I had a breakfast meeting with Hubby #1 and his sweet wife. I don't often get the chance to sit down with her and chat about what's going on in our lives. Then I drove from Louisville to Bristol, Tennessee. I spoke with friends and family most of the way. I made a few business calls. And the rest of the time I listened to music, singing along at the top of my lungs, marveling at the scenery crossing the mountains of Virginia and Tennessee. The redbud and dogwood were fabulous! The blue skies and puffy white clouds added to the ethereal atmosphere. If I could make a choice of a beautiful day to repeat, that would sure be one of them.

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But...what does it mean that I forgot our anniversary? What does it say about me? There may be some who think it's shameful. There may be more who think it's impossible. I've given it a good deal of thought this morning and I've decided I'm going to agree with one of my dearest friends...it's a sign of healing and looking forward. It doesn't mean I don't love Mr. Virgo. It doesn't mean he's any less important in my life. It certainly doesn't mean I've forgotten him. I think he would be thrilled that I'm doing joyful things. That I'm looking forward to an amazing future.

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No, forgetting an anniversary is not a bad thing. Forgetting to LIVE is.

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❤️

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\n

“I thank my God every time I remember you.”

\nPhilippians 1:3 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-04-13T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/04/13/memories.html", "tags": ["Growth","Change","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/04/09/a-different-kind-of-grief.html", "title": "A Different Kind of Grief", "content_html": "\n
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I lost Mr. Virgo in a matter of hours. The shock that kind of death brings is stunning. You cannot breathe. I have often thought to myself how, if he had to die, at least he went quickly and relatively pain free. But what about these people who are given a death sentence way out in front? I cannot imagine what they go through.

\n\n\n

Well meaning people say things to the spouse like, \"Well, at least you have time to say goodbye.\" Or, \"At least you know it's coming.\" Seriously? How can knowing be any comfort? How can any amount of time prepare you for such a loss...especially when you pretty much know what lies ahead and it ain't gonna be pretty? That is horrifying to me. I am blessed to be in the presence of two wonderful people who are walking that path right now with more courage and grace than I can imagine.

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I am in the beautiful state of Tennessee. The redbud and dogwood are competing with the bright green of the undergrowth for top billing. There is a party of color in the mountains and valleys of Tennessee and Kentucky that is a feast for the eyes and a balm for the winter-weary spirit. My cousin and his wife moved here last year to live closer to their kids. They're going to need them. He was diagnosed with mesothelioma over a year ago. They've been married for fifty-some years. They are the best of friends and the truest of sweethearts. I see them together and see what Mr. Virgo and I would have been like, given the same circumstances.

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My cousin's wife is incredibly brave. She knows full well what's coming and she is facing it with grace. You can feel the low undercurrent of fear. You can see it flicker in her eyes when we dance close to discussing the future. But this is a strong West Virginia woman. She is organized. She is getting fit...physically, mentally, and spiritually. She is a Warrior Princess, preparing for the battle of her life.

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My cousin has an amazing attitude. He's not going to go sit in his chair and wait for the grim reaper. He's out and active. He hunts, fishes, rides his side-by-side in the woods. He's busy preparing the house to be maintenance free so his wife will be able to handle it when he's gone. He built a canning kitchen in one of the garages by the house so he can practice one of his most joyful hobbies. He is happy, upbeat, and present. He exemplifies mindfulness. He enjoys every moment, savoring it like sipping a hundred year old single malt scotch. It burns going down, but fills him with a warmth from within.

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It is an honor to be here. It is a privilege to witness this kind of love. It is touching to see them in their love dance, gliding across the floor of life...heads held high, hands firmly clasped, focusing only on each other. Here. Now. It's a tragically beautiful thing. I love them immensely and I'm so very proud of them.

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Their hands hold each other. God's hands will catch their tears.

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❤️

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““Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is. You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those who seem secure.”

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***?Monday, Monday...check back that day...?***

\n\n", "date_published": "2016-04-09T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/04/09/a-different-kind-of-grief.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/03/24/self-worth.html", "title": "Self Worth", "content_html": "\n
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Repeat after me, \"I am worthy of _________.\" Fill in the blank with whatever comes to your mind. If we spoke to others the way we speak to ourselves, we wouldn't be long for this world, I imagine. We are bullies. We beat ourselves up WAY too often. And yes, I'm talking to you, Ms. Sixty-Something who says you're past all that now. You know deep down, there's still that nagging little witch who's been there since you were 12. You can't fool me. Now, maybe you've toned her down 1000% and that's great. I know I have. But she still pipes up every once in awhile with something totally inappropriate.

\n\n\n

I'm doing this free 21 day meditation series with Deepak Chopra and Oprah on \"Shedding Weight\". I was pleasantly surprised when it began with something far removed from the bathroom scale. It began with something you cannot measure...ridding yourself of toxic relationships. Believe it or not, if someone makes you feel bad about yourself, you can release that person from your life. If you do not, and you make yourself miserable, that is a choice. And then you proceed to beat yourself up even more because you don't make the break. Are you not worthy of emotional freedom? It's a vicious cycle, this. Break free!

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I am of the thought that before you break away, you should exhaust every avenue at making a friendship equal. But if you've tried everything, you do have permission to take care of yourself.

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The meditation series goes on to talk about bad memories that we carry around with us like dragging bags of garbage behind us every single day. If you are holding onto the way your ex treated you years ago (OK, I have been guilty of this) you are not living in the present moment. If you are worrying about something that may or may not happen in the future that is beyond your control anyway, you are not living your life...here, now. When you focus on this very moment, then the past thing isn't really here anymore. It's a memory...a story we tell. To others. To ourselves. It is gone. It is done. Let it go. And the future is entirely unpredictable. Don't try to live there. It's like trying to stand on a bowling ball. Plan as best you can, and let it go. I know...easier said than done. But being still and listening for God's whispers keep you grounded... here. This is the only moment there is.

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When we think ourselves unworthy, we have raped our own hearts. God loves us. He didn't create junk. He created unbelievably beautiful creatures in His image. Of COURSE you are worthy! Remember Whose child you are! Straighten that crown, darling...and hold your head high!!!

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Repeat after me...\"I am worthy!\"

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❤️

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“What good will it be for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul?”

\nMatthew 16:26 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-03-24T01:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/03/24/self-worth.html", "tags": ["Health","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/03/07/strive-to-thrive.html", "title": "Strive to Thrive", "content_html": "\n
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A friend of mine is struggling with the waves of grief again. It's been four years. Doesn't matter. Grief works that way sometimes. You can be fine...really fine for long stretches of time. And then something smacks you in the forehead and you remember that piece of your brokenness that you placed in an iron box. Grief drags you over by the ear and forces you to look at it again. Try as you might, you can't turn away. As hard as it is to go through it yourself, it's just as hard to watch a friend standing in the fire and know you can only stand there with the salve to bandage the burns after Grief has had her way.

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I was relating this to someone and they said it sounded like someone else they knew...meaning me. That has given me pause. I had to ask myself if I am stuck in my grief. I mean, I can see how it might look that way from the outside. I honestly don't believe I am. I don't sit at home and cry. I live with hope. I'm not depressed. But I do talk about grief...a lot. This blog is my ministry. I write about my experiences with grief. I write about my relationship with Mr. Virgo as well as my loss. I write about my feelings which sometimes includes those directly related to grief. My blog is my story. My books are my story. I am NOT my story. And as I head into this last week before the third angelversary, I'm going to explore that with you.

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I've had a paradigm shift this week. And I have made a decision. The first year was the \"Year of the Great Fog\". The second was \"The Year of Diminishing Pain\" because the fog had lifted. The third was the \"Year of Blessed Relief\" because I could finally breathe and explore my personal and spiritual growth. I've decided the fourth will be the \"Year to Thrive\". I'm awake. But, oh my gosh! I have looked at myself in the mirror. I love who I see, for the most part. A confident, younger-looking, wise woman with a heart full of love and positive energy. That being said, my conditioning and diet have really fallen by the wayside. I have a lot of exciting opportunities being presented to me. I want to have the energy and stamina to get out there and really enjoy the next couple of decades. I'm not going to be able to participate like I want to unless I get in better shape.

\n\n\n

I started working with a personal trainer this week and I'm going to incorporate my work with him here in a weekly update...\"Fitness Friday\". I need the accountability and it gives me more to talk about than just my loss. Don't worry...I'm not going to preach at you. I'm a Documentarian! I don't preach...I bring you into my world and show you what it's like to live here.

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❤️

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“Souls who follow their hearts thrive; fools bent on evil despise matters of soul.”

\nProverbs 13:19 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-03-07T02:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/03/07/strive-to-thrive.html", "tags": ["Health","Positive Energy","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/03/05/make-love-not-war.html", "title": "Make Love, Not War", "content_html": "\n
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The angry, hateful rhetoric being slung around like a bunch of schoolyard bullies continues to dismay me. And it makes me wonder...where are the hippies? Where are the pacifists, the tree huggers, the flower children? I want them back. I want them to protest. I want them to stand up and say, \"No...we won't take this!\" I want them to put flowers into the weapons that are destroying us!

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Where are they? What happened to Flower Power? We fought for something. We stood up for our rights. Everyone seems so complacent anymore. I have nothing to say about who you vote for. It is your right to choose in this country. But I do have to ask you...BEG you to exercise your right to vote. It's an important right that was hard fought for.

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I wanted to be a hippie but my mom wouldn't let me. Wanda Belle would have tanned my hide if I acted like a \"wild nelly\". I know every generation thinks the world is going to h$&@ in a hand basket, but we've never seen anything like this. I want the peace freaks back.

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What do you all think? Where did they go?

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✌️❤️?

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“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”

\nMatthew 5:9 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-03-05T02:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/03/05/make-love-not-war.html", "tags": ["Hope","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Choices","Change","Kindness","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/28/be-brave.html", "title": "Be Brave", "content_html": "\n
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I was always a little weird. Never picked for first string on any team. Never felt totally comfortable in my skin. My nose was too big or I was too loud. I didn't come from money and I had no self esteem. Few people really \"got me\" but those that did were my strongest and loudest proponents.
As I walked the path of \"wife\", I was not always in the most nurturing environment. I questioned myself and my abilities. I measured my self worth through the opinions of others. I was so afraid. My deep seated fear of abandonment kept me in situations long after they became unhealthy. I was a withering vine. I felt weirder than ever. Why wasn't I like the other wives? It was crazy making.

\n\n\n

As I walked the path of \"mother\", I hovered and directed and lived vicariously in ways that choked my children's self confidence. With #2 especially. I wasn't strong in my faith and raised children who have little to none. That saddens me. I failed them in many ways. But I love them fiercely so I pray that makes up the difference.

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Mr. Virgo was, quite literally, my gift from God. That first year we were together, I related story after story reflecting beliefs about myself and time after time, he held my hand and looked in my eyes. In his most sincere voice he said \"Sweetheart, that simply is not true.\" Over and over. He convinced me of my worth. He showed me I have value. He brought me closer to God. He explained that the world is more beautiful with me in it. He told me I changed his life and made him a better man. Through all of this, he taught me survival skills I did not have. God knew I needed Mr. Virgo. And He knew he didn't have much time, so He had to work really hard and fast to help me find myself.

\n\n\n

When that sweet man, my best friend, cheerleader, and life coach died, my world was shaken and I slipped back a bit. I forgot some of the lessons while I was lost in the fire. But the fog has lifted and I am brave again. I embrace my quirks and differences. My nose is the perfect size for my face. My laugh is contagious. Money doesn't matter. And it's ok if people don't always \"get me\". I do.

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Normal is overrated. It is a laundry setting. It's too far in the box. Face the world with the courage to embrace your weirdness!

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❤️

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

\nProverbs 3:5-6 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-28T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/28/be-brave.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Change","Uncategorized"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/28/our-rights.html", "title": "Our Rights", "content_html": "\n
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The late author, David Foster Wallace, said \"In reality, there is no such thing as not voting: You either vote by voting, or you vote by staying home and tacitly doubling the value of some diehard's vote.\" Each passing generation gets further and further away from the days of the suffragette. They struggled for the right to vote, often being beaten and thrown in jail.
This election is critically important. Whatever you do, get out and vote!

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❤️

\n\n\n
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“Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.”

\nRomans 13:1 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/28/our-rights.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","West Virginia","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/24/the-pile-of-rocks.html", "title": "The Pile Of Rocks", "content_html": "\n
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***I originally posted this story nearly two years ago. It never hurts to revisit topics and the number of Ranchers has increased tremendously since then. Here is the reprisal of the rock story.***

\n\n\n

My younger daughter wears her heart on her sleeve, just as I did when I was growing up. She's the fixer...the tender-hearted one who wants everyone to be happy. It took me many, many years to finally gain the insight I needed to help her. She thinks in analogies much as I do, so this is how I taught her to take care of herself in her relationships and daily interactions.

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God gives us all a pile of rocks. There are big rocks that represent the big things in life like family, jobs, houses, health. There are medium sized rocks for the average things we have to deal with like friends and laundry and soccer practice. Then there are small rocks for the mundane trivia of life like grumpy store clerks or the guy that cuts you off on the freeway. God gives us extra rocks sometimes for those unexpected crises like a death in the family or the unexpected loss of a job. But, HE never gives us more than we can carry. The problem comes when WE pick up rocks that are not ours.

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Picture, if you will...we are sitting in a great big circle with everyone we come into contact with on a typical day. We're all sitting here with our pile of rocks in front of us. Just the right number of rocks. Just the right amount that we are capable of carrying because we need to take them home with us at the end of the day. Suddenly, the woman across from you says something hurtful to you. If you internalize and take that personally, she has just thrown you one of her rocks and you dutifully stacked it on your pile. Now, seated a few folks down is your best friend. She's having some major issues in her life right now and she wants someone...anyone...to carry this burden for her. So you reach over and gladly take a few of her rocks because that's what friends do, right? You sit here all day, every day, in your circle...getting rocks thrown at you and picking up others until you can't even SEE over your pile, let alone pick it up and carry it back home!

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It's one thing to get up, walk over to your friend, and help her carry a particularly heavy rock for awhile. It's quite another to try to carry everyone else's rocks in addition to your own. Let others carry their own rocks. It makes them stronger. Stop trying to own the world's problems. Honestly, you cannot live long enough to fix them all.

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Once my daughter really absorbed this lesson, to this day she'll tell me some big drama that's going on in her life and when I meet her with a silent pause, she'll say \"I know, I know...it's not my pile of rocks!\" Remember this the next time someone throws rocks at you.

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❤️

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

\nProverbs 4:23 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-24T02:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/24/the-pile-of-rocks.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/20/nytimes.html", "title": "NYTimes", "content_html": "\n
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I was walking down Grand Avenue in Glenwood Springs, CO the first week of January when the familiar \"ding\" came from my cell phone. I had a new message. \"Can you call me right away? Danielle\". Hmmmmm, when you get an urgent message from your financial advisor, you drop what you're doing and call! She told me a reporter that had sought her out for comments a couple of times wanted to know if she had a client who would be willing to be interviewed for an article on widowhood and retirement. Danielle immediately thought of me and my journey and wanted to know if I was interested. I was thrilled that she thought of me but when I found out it was for the NYTimes, I must say I was at a loss for words. Yes. Me. At a loss for words. Hard to imagine, isn't it?

\n\n\n

After receiving the contact information, I sent an e-mail introduction to Kerry Hannon. Kerry has written 10 books on women and finance and finding your dream job, including \"Finding the Job You Want After 50 For Dummies\" and \"Love Your Job: The New Rules for Career Happiness\". We arranged to have a phone conversation the following Wednesday. I was a little bit nervous. And a whole lot excited!

\n\n\n

Wednesday found me at a table in my go-to coffee shop...The Bluebird Cafe in Glenwood. I moved to that little town in 1986 so I saw many familiar faces as I waited for my call. Wouldn't it be lovely if my ex-husband were to come in and say hello, only to be interrupted by the phone ringing. \"Oh, my gosh! Sorry, I have to take this...it's the NYTimes calling for my interview. SO good to see you! Kiss, kiss!\" (Sorry, I couldn't resist that. Actually, he was thrilled for me when I shared the link with him yesterday. He's a good guy!)

\n\n\n

Kerry quickly put me at ease and we had a wonderful, hour-long animated conversation. We not only talked about my loss and the subsequent financial issues. We also talked about writing books and publishing. She was very gracious and offered some connections, one of which I have made. I feel like I've made another friend and I hope our paths cross again.

\n\n\n

So, here it is...the long awaited article. Kerry is a lovely writer and the photographer caught me in a pensive moment as I was listening to some of the Sisters on the Fly chat right outside the trailer door at the Denver Fly Fishing Show. The online version here went live yesterday and the print version is available on newsstands today. The article is in the finance section. There's good advice here. I hope it helps and I'm so terribly honored to have been featured.

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>>>CLICK LINK TO ARTICLE<<<

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❤️

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“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

\nPhilippians 2:3-4 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-20T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/20/nytimes.html", "tags": ["Grief","Courage","Choices","Change","Press"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/12/when-two-become-oneagain.html", "title": "When Two Become One...Again", "content_html": "\n
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I've been trying to remember my last Valentine's Day with Mr. Virgo. By the calendar, I see it was a Thursday. I must have been at home working in my studio because my activity log on FB shows me doing a lot of networking. Marshmallow Ranch was a business page at the time. I was exchanging info with other \"makers\" to reach more people. I'm sure I spent a good deal of time online that day. I probably made a lovely dinner for my sweetheart. I do remember him coming in with flowers (an orchid, maybe?) and a little heart shaped cake. I know he gave me the sweetest Valentine's card.

\n\n\n

I had no way of knowing this would be the last one. He was gone 26 days later.

\n\n\n

This will be my 3rd Valentine's Day without Mr. Virgo. Third...thirteenth...thirtieth. What difference does it make? Gone is gone. When two become one, it opens a hole in your heart, in your life...in the world. I know many to whom it is just a day on the calendar...in this case, Sunday. I know some who still can't breathe. I have survived the first year when it felt like my brain was wrapped in gauze. I have survived the second year when my brain sizzled and burned...like a pat of butter in a too-hot pan. And now the third. The third is different. I've adjusted to being alone...for the most part. I no longer think about him every moment of every day, yet he lives in my heart. I no longer feel the sting of tears when I see his picture. I haven't cried myself to sleep in a long time...yet, when I stumble upon some tangible evidence of his presence in my life, it still accentuates his absence.

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I was filling out a form online yesterday. When I came to the box for \"marital\" status, my choices were \"single\", \"married\", or \"divorced\". Something like that used to trip me up in the past. I can still call myself Mrs. even though Social Security says I am no longer \"married\". Yet, I'm not single. I'm on my own. It made me think about the passages we go through in life. When we marry, two become one in many ways. We move over in the framework of our lives to fit another in beside us. If we aren't careful, we get smaller so that, if we lose the one we love, it feels as though we have had half of us amputated. And in time, slowly...ever so slowly, we become more \"whole\". Not the same as before. No...not nearly the same as before.

\n\n\n

I don't feel like half a person, most of the time now. There's just this hole in my heart, and in my life, and in the world. I used to fill that hole with shopping, eating, busyness... Now I cram it full of stories, and pictures, and music, and lots and lots of love. I fill it with big hugs that I give away like candy. I fill it with time spent with special people. I fill it with as much fun as I can muster. I fill it with raucous laughter. I fill it with my writing. Each word I write places another stitch in the gaping wound of my heart. The hemorrhaging has been stemmed and smaller stitches have been placed. Things are healing. I promptly address little leaks here and there. And now I am trying my hand at some decorative embroidery. I'm creating a stronger heart...a kinder heart...a gentler heart from the wounded one.

\n\n\n

I am becoming one.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.”

\n2 Corinthians 3:5 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-12T02:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/12/when-two-become-oneagain.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","Love","Holiday","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/03/a-brief-history-of-windows.html", "title": "A Brief History of Windows", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
\n\n\n

Microsoft: Here...let's learn a new language. It'll be fun!

\n\n\n

Me: Cool! I'm game! Let's learn a new language!!! I love languages!

\n\n\n

(tick tock, tick tock)

\n\n\n

Microsoft: How ya' doin'? Are you learning?

\n\n\n

Me: Oh, yeah! Wow...this is really amazing. It does a lot for me. I think maybe if you you tweaked this and adjusted that, it could work even better. Whaddya think? You up for that?

\n\n\n

Microsoft: Sure thing! Coming right up!!! Anything for you, sweetheart...you're my bread and butter!

\n\n\n

Me: Awesome, thanks! I'll get to work now.

\n\n\n

Microsoft: No problem, babe. We'll keep tweaking and adjusting. We want you to be hap-hap-happy! I'll be right here if you need me.

\n\n\n

(tick tock, tick tock)

\n\n\n

Me: Ummmm, excuse me. I'm having a little problem over here. I bought a new computer and suddenly there's this mess on my desktop. It's called Windows 8. You know anything about that?

\n\n\n

Microsoft: Oh, that? That's a new language we just came up with. You like it?

\n\n\n

Me: Well, no as a matter of fact, I don't.

\n\n\n

Microsoft: Really? We were sure you'd love it. You've loved everything else. What's wrong with it? (petulant sigh implied)

\n\n\n

Me: Well, for starters, where the hell is my start button? I can't get into my programs menu.

\n\n\n

Microsoft: Oh, you don't need that old thing! We made your desktop look like a giant cellphone. Just click on these thingies here. You like your cellphone, don't you?

\n\n\n

Me: Yes. Yes, I do...but I don't like this mess! Can I just have my old desktop back, please?

\n\n\n

Microsoft: Oh, hey girl...I'm really sorry about that, but we threw that baby out with the bath water. I mean, that's the price of progress right?

\n\n\n

Me: I don't like this. And now my Office 2013 crashes ever since I updated with Windows 8.1! I need you to fix this...now!

\n\n\n

Microsoft: Hey, chill...no need for you to get all up in it! Those two programs aren't compatible.

\n\n\n

Me: What??? You provided an \"improvement\" that negates my entire way of operating my computer? What am I supposed to do now???

\n\n\n

Microsoft: No problem! Here's Windows 10 and Office 2016!!! Let's learn a new language. It'll be fun!

\n\n\n

Me: (pulling hair out and banging forehead on desk) Arrrrrrgh!!!!!

\n\n\n

Microsoft: Look, Windows 10 is FREE! That'll be $229.99 for Office, please.

\n\n\n

Cha-Ching!)

\n\n\n

?

\n\n\n
\n

“Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.””

\nJohn 13:7 NIV\n
\n\n\n


*While this scripture provides an interesting segue, and in the context of the post could be construed as humorous, I chose it to demonstrate how we cannot always know in the moment why things are happening the way they are, but there will be understanding down the road. Patience is, after all, a virtue.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-03T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/03/a-brief-history-of-windows.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Anger","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/01/01/a-new-year.html", "title": "A New Year", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
\n\n\n

Every New Year carries me farther from my loss. I couldn't wait for the first one. The second one kinda came and went without fanfare because I was busy moving. Yesterday I had a good day. I met friends for coffee, visited with my \"substitute mom\", wandered the little shops in town, treated myself to a nice dinner at a restaurant I'd never tried, then soaked in the new Iron Mountain Hot Springs. I was a noodle by 6:30 and headed home. I tried to go to the cemetery on my way to the house where I'm staying, and I almost got stuck in the snow. I managed to get out and get to my brother/friend's house. Greg eats healthy and has NO junk food in the house and I really wanted ice cream. Sigh. So, I set to contemplating letting go of 2015 and embracing 2016.

\n\n\n

A New Year is like a new box of crayons. The big box with the built in sharpener. The labels are all intact. The tips are not broken. The colors haven't rubbed off on each other. You just want to sit there and look at them and breathe in that new-box-of-crayon smell. Infinite possibilities.

\n\n\n

How will you color YOUR New Year?

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”

\n2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-01-01T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/01/01/a-new-year.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Holiday","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/02/peace.html", "title": "Peace", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
\n\n\n

I spent far more time than I care to admit trying to understand things that happened to me in my 62+ years. From childhood sexual abuse to a twenty year marriage gone horribly wrong to losing my soul mate when I was only 59, I worked my worry till it nearly made me crazy. I was bitter and angry. I tried to make sense of it all by going over it and over it and over it some more. It was like trying to stack eggs. You aren't going to have much more than empty shells and a big mess to clean up.

\n\n\n

Somewhere along this grief path, I figured out I would never find peace pursuing the demons of my past. I realized no matter how much I chased them, they would always be just out of my reach. Oh, therapy did wonders for helping me define what had happened to me, but it left me little in the way of resolution. It's exhausting to try to live like that. Maybe it was standing on top of the Rockies and screaming that did it. Maybe it was walking around Mr. Virgo's grave, beating my chest, head flung back, wailing at the sky that released me. Maybe it was 23,000 miles behind the wheel of a pickup truck that gave me the time to sort it all out. But somewhere, somehow, I forgave everyone of everything...including myself. I was just too darned tired to carry all that crap around with me anymore. I wasn't always a good wife. I wasn't always a good mother. I wasn't always a good friend. I certainly wasn't always a good daughter. But I did my best with what I knew at the time. And, like Maya Angelou said, when I knew better...I did better.

\n\n\n

Letting go of the past allowed me to stop being a victim of it. Oh, I slip up now and then. I'm human. But I see it all so clearly now. Hindsight truly IS 20/20. Stop beating yourself up over water that has long since flowed under the bridge. You deserve to live in peace. Let it go and simply...

\n\n\n

be. here. now.

\n\n\n

With a pure and open heart.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

\nEphesians 4:31-32 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-02T02:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/02/peace.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/11/16/blinders.html", "title": "Blinders", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
\n\n\n

Our sermon in church yesterday was about igniting our inner spark in a yearning for God. This faith...this longing to be close to the Source, the Light...can wane or even extinguish completely in our everyday busyness. Cares and worries become a distraction. Worries about health, finances, relationships...these things can keep us focused on the small screen and forget the big picture.

\n\n\n

I have taken a little break the last week or two to focus and meditate on the important things in life...the bigger picture. I've been worried about things that are entirely out of my control. I have had to let go of some things in order to keep my love light burning. I've had a friend in my life for the last two years who was an incredible comfort to me when I was navigating the early stages of my grief. As time has passed, he has found an amazing woman to share his love with. I am profoundly happy for them both because she is also a friend of mine. And...I was deeply saddened for myself. He had become a touchstone...one to whom I could turn when things were hard and he would always offer the right words of encouragement...he was always there for me. I came to take that for granted as though it would always be this way. When I was bored, he offered a delightful distraction. When I yearned for intellectual repartee, he was there with quotes and biblical references. And, as sometimes happens in the closest of friendships, I have had to back away out of respect for his new relationship. He never would have said anything. He didn't have to. I just knew. It was time to let go. But this is ok. This is a good thing. Because my focus hasn't been where it needed to be. It made me realize I have been staring at the wrong screen.

\n\n\n

Change...real, deep, meaningful change...is seldom easy. We get in our comfort zone and stay there till it isn't comfortable anymore. It doesn't mean I don't love the heck out of him. It means I love him so much as my dear friend that I only want his happiness. And...conversely...I love God so much more that I yearn to have a deeper connection with Him. A deeper longing...a deeper commitment. A deeper peace.

\n\n\n

Life presents changes and challenges at every turn. It is our job to uncover our eyes, look for the silver linings, and give up this false sense of control we have over things. It is our job to let go.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n

“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”

\n\n\n

Photo via Pinterest

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-11-16T02:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/11/16/blinders.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/11/03/setting-goals.html", "title": "Setting Goals", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

Yesterday we touched on ways to ward off the winter blahs. One of the suggestions was to set goals and check items off the lists you create to achieve them. But, how do you set goals? And what do you do when those goals just keep hanging out there like a carrot on a stick? At the end of the first year after Mr. Virgo died, I breathed an audible sigh of relief. Now I could say \"He died last year.\" It gave me a false sense of comfort that it was \"almost over\" and I was going to get my life back...or some semblance of it. Little did I know the second year was going to be harder because the numbness was gone. And now, here I am, over halfway through the third year and what are my goals? I have no earthly idea!

\n\n\n

A fellow Rancher said her goal was to find someone else to love happily ever after but now she's five years into this without a knight in shining armor in sight. You could have knocked me over with a feather as I realized that's exactly what I've been doing. I have been looking at every male encounter as a potential mate. Good grief...what was I thinking?

\n\n\n

That's the point though, isn't it? I wasn't thinking. I haven't really been thinking about long range goals. I've been planning to feel better this week. Maybe this month. I've been chasing happiness but at what cost? No one else is refilling the coffers.

\n\n\n

When I got back from Myrtle Beach, I had to sit down and take a serious accounting of where I am. Not just financially, but in general. That little \"Hey, girl...how ya doin'?\" pep talk we girls gotta have on occasion. And I wasn't happy with what I saw. I have been feeling a shift lately...a ripple in the force, so to speak. Good things will come of this as it is just another layer of the onion.

\n\n\n

Stay tuned tomorrow for Part Two of \"Setting Goals\". This is far too big a topic for one post to cover.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

\nProverbs 19:21 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-11-03T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/11/03/setting-goals.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Choices","Change","Insight","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/29/change.html", "title": "Change", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

There is only one guarantee in life... that it will change. Sometimes on a dime. Sometimes you have no idea what prompted the changes...in circumstances, in relationships, in the world. Other times you have a pretty good understanding but are still powerless to stop it.

\n\n\n

I have had a difficult time with change this week. Halloween is coming. Halloween has always been a very special time for me. I met Mr. Virgo on Halloween. That is such a happy memory. And now it's been ten years since that handsome man walked into my little needlework shop and changed my life forever. This is my third Halloween without him. I've reflected a lot on the changes in my life lately. People have come and gone. My life has changed in ways I could never have imagined. Sometimes change is good. Other times, it hurts like hell and there's not a darned thing you can do about it.

\n\n\n

I have been blessed in life with friends who have a much better knowledge of the Bible than me. Yesterday, one shared a verse with me that was quite comforting.

\n\n\n
\n

\"And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.\"

\n2 Corinthians 3:18\n
\n\n\n

In other words, the mere act of contemplating God with unveiled faces transforms us into His image. He effects change. And not only in us, but TO us. He changes circumstances. I have no idea why He took Mr. Virgo so young. But I DO know why He brought him into my life in the first place. I tell people if I would have had him for just one day, my life would have been richer for it. I got to have him for seven and a half years. Some people never get to experience that kind of love. I understand my blessings. Still, there are times when the enormity of the loss flattens me. I just don't pitch a tent there anymore.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“The Lord our God said to us at Horeb, “You have stayed long enough at this mountain.”

\nDeuteronomy 1:6 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-29T01:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/29/change.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/22/control.html", "title": "Control", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

You've seen that cartoon on FB where the '50s mom is telling her little girl that \"normal\" is just a setting on the dryer? Well, \"control\" is just a function on a keyboard. Oh, granted...there are things we can control. Our behaviors, our choices, the temperature in the car, the playlist on the iPad. But what I'm talking about is when we get in the business of trying to control everything...other people, namely.

\n\n\n

I don't know about you, but I try to be prepared for every possible scenario. I think I'm compensating for not being able to think fast on my feet. Just when everything is going incredibly well, one of the parties involved totally goes off and starts ad libbing. And then I join in and ad lib with them. Pretty soon, no one is following this carefully choreographed script I had in my head of how my life was going to go and where the players were going to stand.

\n\n\n

In the past, this would have thrown me into a tizzy...relentlessly trying to get the ducks back in a row. Now I can look at it objectively and apply the Second Agreement. \"Don't take anything personally.\" At least, I sure do try. It isn't about me. It's about them and where they are on their journey. That's cool. I send out love and light and hope for the best for everyone. I say prayers for happiness and joy. Life is far, far too short for drama.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“We all stumble in many ways...”

\nJames 3:2\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-22T01:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/22/control.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Change","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/14/control.html", "title": "Control", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

\"Houston, we've had a problem here.\" When Jack Swigert radioed this message to Ground Control, he and his fellow astronauts must have felt completely out of control. Fortunately for them, there was a whole team of engineers back home who worked feverishly to jury rig a solution before the space capsule ran out of oxygen.

\n\n\n

Control is just an illusion for the most part. I mean, we can control our behaviors, our choices, maybe parts of our environment. There ARE areas of life where we can exert some control. But most of the time we are at the mercy of circumstance. So, what is this issue of control so many of us have? Just Friday I had nuclear meltdown over going out on the boat and not \"having control of my environment\". And yesterday? Well, I spent six hours out on that same boat with those same people and I was perfectly fine. What was the difference? I was the same person yesterday as I was Friday. The difference was relaxation, positive self-talk, and understanding friends who supported me by reassuring me if there were any need whatsoever, they could easily pull to shore. It's not like we were going to be out in the middle of the ocean, after all. I had a glorious day watching the sternwheel races then dancing for two hours, on said boat, as we sat alongside the barge housing the stage for a great band. Afterwards, we went upriver to see the locks so they could show me how they work.

\n\n\n

Control. We honestly have very little. We delude ourselves into thinking we do. Especially those of us who grew up in volatile homes. My father was an alcoholic and unpredictable. I had relationships filled with argument. Then the ultimate...even though I was medically trained for just such an emergency, I could not save my husband's life when he had a massive heart attack right in front of me. In my experience, bad things happen to Ginny when she doesn't have control. As humans, we are programmed to avoid pain. Therefore, feeling out of control creates fear and anxiety in me. The fact that I totally KNOW it's in my head and 99% of the time I am not in real danger drives me buggy and makes me feel like a failure.

\n\n\n

I know...I've built a clock to tell you what time it is. The bottom line is this. I am not perfect. Tension is created when I think I SHOULD be. Relaxation comes when I rest inside my imperfect self, remember the Fourth Agreement, and say...\"You did your best today.\" Can I hear an \"Amen\"?

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

\"We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.\"

\nJames 3:2\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-14T01:30:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/14/control.html", "tags": ["Fun","Growth","Comfort","Forgiveness","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/11/never-forget.html", "title": "Never Forget", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
\n\n\n

Like most people, I know exactly where I was the day the world stopped turning. I was waiting for a friend in the local bakery. She walked in and said, \"Did you hear something about a plane hitting one of the buildings of the World Trade Center?\" We knew nothing more and chalked it up to rookie pilot error with a small plane and set to visiting. Then more and more people came in with news. We turned on the radio and as details began to reveal the seriousness of the situation, we went our separate ways. I went straight to a friend's house and we watched together, holding onto each other with one hand...the other clasped over our mouths to stifle the screams.

\n\n\n

Life as we new it changed in the breath of a New York minute. We became one people. We were softer...gentler with each other. We grieved as if it were our own family members dying in the rubble of what once stood mighty. We became resolved as a nation to pull together and get through this. We hugged strangers on the street. And now look at us. We haven't been so far apart in 50 years. Where did the love go? What happened to our compassion? I don't mean, you...and me. I'm referring to the collective we. Division is what the enemy seeks. Confusion is his realm. Go out today and take it back. Take the world and its people back into your loving embrace because, if we don't turn this around and reunite as one, all those beautiful, promising lives lost are lost in vain. They are further gone from us. Go out today and embrace the world and her people. Spread a little love wherever you go. And never, ever forget.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

\"Come now, let’s make a covenant, you and I, and let it serve as a witness between us.”

\nGenesis 31:44\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-11T01:30:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/11/never-forget.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/06/laying-low.html", "title": "Laying Low", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

Well, sort of. Dinner with friends and live music Friday night then a gabfest with a friend till the wee hours. Coffee with the girls yesterday morning and dinner out with a friend last night. With several naps in between. I feel like this guy....I need to stretch out and snooze! No chance for a few days at least. I have family to visit, work to have done on my camper, and all manner of errands getting settled back in.

\n\n\n

While I am certainly tired from traveling...I'm not tired OF traveling. There's still so much to see! I want to catch the leaves changing this fall. Then there's a trip to the beach the first week of October. I feel more alive and awake and present than I ever have. I made it a point on the Black Hills trip to put my phone away...at least most of the time. I checked briefly at breakfast and at dinner. It's amazing how addictive it is. We didn't know what time it was or how to dress for the weather.

\n\n\n

For Pete's sake...what on earth did we do before the Internet? How did we ever survive? How did we parent? How would I have seen the blue and green streaks my oldest grandchild got in her hair this morning? It was so peaceful to stay present and connected to the life going on around me. Now, I need to continue that.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

\"When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.\"

\nProverbs 3:24\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-06T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/06/laying-low.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/05/changing-directions.html", "title": "Changing Directions", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

I love watching the tugboats pushing the barges up and down the river. I especially love watching them navigate the twists and turns. It reminds me of the path my life has taken. The tugboat is affixed to the barges so they move as one unit. They don't face forward like driving a car and steering into the turn. Their propellers turn and swing their rear ends around till the nose is faced in the direction they want to go. God turns our propellers in the direction He wants us to go and it doesn't matter how much we fight to maintain control. It's best to just let loose of the wheel and go with the flow.

\n\n\n

I was reminded of this as I sat down at the river and watched the comings and goings of the barges. Yesterday would have been the day I was going to meet up with my gentleman friend and perhaps start a new path together. At least, that's what we had talked about all summer. When he called suddenly a couple weeks ago and said he had become \"re-involved\" with a previous relationship and that he would no longer be calling me, there was an instant empty spot that I didn't even realize I was letting him fill.

\n\n\n

I do my best thinking as I drive and I've driven a lot in the last ten days. I went through various scenarios in my mind trying to reconcile my feelings about yet another change in my path. First off, it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his path, his journey. It is the nature of relationship that there are two paths and sometimes they diverge. Second, I have work to do that would not get done if I were busy nurturing a love affair. I have writing that needs to come out...a book that needs to be borne. I also need to rethink how I approach my interactions with men and not see them as potential mates. If not, I'm going to go through this every single time I date someone. That doesn't feel good.

\n\n\n

I toyed with the idea of sending him a note to let him know I had arrived safely, till I realized if he cared to know that information, he would ask. So, here's how I have settled it in my head. Maybe he hooked up with an old flame. Maybe not. Maybe I scared him off. Maybe he just decided we are too different. Maybe he's a player and that just slipped by me. Doesn't matter. I have decided he just didn't want me to whip his butt at pickleball. That would have been embarrassing!

\n\n\n

Yes, God stepped in here and changed my path, yet again. I just have to listen for the gentle whispers and follow directions.

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❤️

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\n

\"The Lord your God has blessed you in all the work of your hands. He has watched over your journey through this vast wilderness. These forty years the Lord your God has been with you, and you have not lacked anything.\"

\nDeuteronomy 2:7\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-05T01:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/05/changing-directions.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/14/change.html", "title": "Change", "content_html": "\n

Change is good. Without it, there is no movement. A stagnant life is a boring life. Sometimes we want things to stay the same forever. First kisses. Falling in love. A sleeping baby. A lazy afternoon in the mountains sitting by a lake. But, there is only one guarantee in life and that is that things change. Sometimes with devilish rapidity. I have found the key to satisfaction in life is to slow down time which gives change a chance to catch its breath. Let it leave you alone for a little bit. One way to accomplish this is through the practice of mindfulness. This keeps you in the present moment.

\n\n\n

For instance, as I am writing this, I have a quilt in the dryer, I have a stack of magazines I'm breezing through in order to get rid of them. I have a couple of cabinets torn apart in my camper to reorganize before I leave next week. There are boxes to go through. I need to clean out the truck. But, at this very moment, there is a storm overhead, and I have been kicked back listening to the rain on the roof and the thunder rolling. It won't last long...it never does here in Colorado. But if I choose to slow down time and stay present, I need to set aside my afternoon chores, stretch out, close my eyes and get lost in the moment. In the mountains we forget to count the days. In the moment, we stop time...if only for a short while.

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❤

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\n

\"“My days are swifter than a weaver’s shuttle, and they come to an end without hope. Remember, O God, that my life is but a breath; my eyes will never see happiness again. The eye that now sees me will see me no longer; you will look for me, but I will be no more. As a cloud vanishes and is gone, so one who goes down to the grave does not return. He will never come to his house again; his place will know him no more.\"

\nJob 7:6-10\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-14T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/14/change.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/13/travel-iehome-is-where-i.html", "title": "Travel. ie...Home is Where I Park It", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

I have several RV pages that I follow here on FB. Some are about decorating your trailer. Others are helpful tips for the care and maintenance of your home on wheels. Some are for girl campers and glamping and vintage campers. I read a heartbreaking account on one of them yesterday. A gentleman had been full timing with his wife for nine years. They came home from a trip and she left him a note saying she was leaving and don't contact her. Then he subsequently learned she had passed away. He is trying to carry on the lifestyle, but feels like something is missing. It's just not as fun when you're alone. He is contemplating selling his motorhome when he gets home from this trip. I felt compelled to respond and tell him my story. I encouraged him to hang onto the motorhome and get out there and meet people. To give himself time to heal a little before he chucks it all.

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I totally get where he's coming from. I have lived part time for a year and a half and full time for the last year in my little home on wheels. I love it. I love the freedom and portability. I love the low cost life it affords me. I love the flexibility the lifestyle offers. I don't mind going places alone. I'm not afraid to travel alone. But, more and more lately, I find myself wishing I could share that view with someone special. I wish I had someone to talk to over the campfire or someone to look at the atlas and say, \"Hey...let's go there!\" It's coming. I can feel it. But it's not here yet.

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We travel...not to escape life, but for life not to escape us. We travel to learn...to grow...to experience...to breathe...to live. I may not have much in the form of money or worldly goods, but my life is enriched by every experience, every new vista, and every new face I meet along the highways and byways of this beautiful land. I am wealthy beyond all expectations!

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❤️

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\n

\"Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?\"

\nAmos 3:3\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-13T01:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/13/travel-iehome-is-where-i.html", "tags": ["Camping","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/12/novinophobia.html", "title": "Novinophobia", "content_html": "\n
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Novinophobia: The fear of running out of wine. I have no idea if that's a real thing or not, but it's certainly a catchy term. I was always a social drinker. On occasion I over indulged, but I usually just drank a glass of wine while I cooked dinner or a cold beer on a hot summer day. Then the Prozac years happened. I was heavily medicated for depression for years and when my marriage started its inexorable crawl toward the edge of the cliff, I started self-medicating with alcohol. It was the kiss of death.

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When I imploded, I overdosed and nearly died. Thank God I hadn't had any alcohol that night or I wouldn't be here right now. When I came out of that horrible experience, I miraculously had no desire whatsoever to drink alcohol. I do, however, still enjoy a cold beer on a hot summer day and an occasional glass of red wine...just without the alcohol. I've found a dealcoholized wine that I enjoy called Fre. It comes in Red Blend, Merlot, and White Zinfandel. There are several non-alcohol beers available now but my very favorite is Erlanger. It's German and you would be hard pressed to tell the difference between it and a real beer...at least to me.

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My father was an alcoholic. I realized if I would have kept down that path, I could have been in real trouble. I tried going to AA but I just didn't fit there. It's been nearly 16 years since I've had alcohol. I have never, ever been tempted to go back...even with the devastation of losing Mr. Virgo. When people ask if I want a drink, I tell them my theory on alcohol consumption. I tell them I believe God gives us just so many tickets for that ride and they have to last a lifetime. I, unfortunately, did not pace myself and I used them all up WAY too fast. It always gets a laugh and any discomfort in the room is quickly dissipated.

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I spent the day tearing my camper apart yesterday and came across this bottle I had in the cupboard under the sink so last night I put on some music, poured myself a glass, and enjoyed a peaceful, cricket-filled summer evening. L'Chaim!

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❤️

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\"They are dogs with mighty appetites; they never have enough. They are shepherds who lack understanding; they all turn to their own way, they seek their own gain. “Come,” each one cries, “let me get wine! Let us drink our fill of beer! And tomorrow will be like today, or even far better.”

\nIsaiah 56:11-12\n
\n\n\n

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-12T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/12/novinophobia.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Growth","Gratitude","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/29/a-different-kind-of-goodbye.html", "title": "A Different Kind of Goodbye", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

When I was planning Mr. Virgo's funeral, I was dismayed at the priest's lack of cooperation in the details. I had several songs I wanted shared and speakers we loved to say a few words. He said those things did not belong in a traditional Catholic funeral and having never been to one, I knew no different. I didn't have it in me to fight anyway. It was a nice service…but I felt it could have been so much more if there were tributes and music. So, yesterday I went to the cemetery armed with my iPad and played all of Mr. Virgo's favorite songs, including those I had chosen for his funeral. Nessun Dorma, Ave Maria, To Where You Are, Go Rest High on That Mountain…among others. There were abundant bluebirds and butterflies. I brought a couple of rocks from WV to place on his grave. And I found this…a pack of Pall Malls, his brand since he started smoking them in Vietnam. Even though these are what killed him, I was touched to see someone had been thinking of him and came to visit leaving the familiar green box behind. There are little stones and a penny placed carefully on the rocks surrounding him…all mementoes left to let me know someone was there. As long as we keep our loved ones in our hearts and their names on our lips, they are never completely gone.

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Yesterday's was a different kind of goodbye for me. It felt like a completion of sorts…like I finally got to have that funeral the way I wanted it. And it was symbolic in other ways. I'm moving on with my life now. I'm pursuing other interests. I want love in my life again. I want companionship. It felt so healthy to let go of another basketful of grief and raise my shoulders a little higher. I felt more free when I left the cemetery. I will never forget him. He will be my forever love and will remain a part of me. But there's room in my heart now for another. And for that I am most grateful.

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Goodbye, my love. And thank you for everything you have given me…including the courage to go on without you.

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❤

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\"I thank God, whom I serve, as my ancestors did, with a clear conscience, as night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers.\"

\n2 Timothy 1:3\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-29T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/29/a-different-kind-of-goodbye.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/28/learning.html", "title": "Learning", "content_html": "\n
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There is seldom a situation that I can't learn something from. If I really stay aware of my surroundings and read what is happening in my interactions with others, I can learn amazing things…about the world, about myself, about humanity.

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I left Denver yesterday morning to go to the mountains for a few days. As I accelerated onto the interstate, my truck engine started missing and the \"check engine\" light came on. If you remember correctly, this happened just a couple of weeks ago when I was heading into the mountains pulling my trailer and I had to get towed back to town. This time the light went off and I prayed my way to the same Ford dealership with the engine running a little rough but running nonetheless. It turns out I had a cracked spark plug. I had all six replaced as well as the coil boots…something you have to have done if your spark plugs have been arcing because that burns holes in them. Water can leak in and then you have bigger problems with your electrical system.

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While I was waiting for the diagnosis, I talked with a sales person about the possibility of getting a newer truck. There was a nice truck, 2013, 25K miles, all the bells and whistles, and she gave me a price. I set to dickering and she copped an attitude with me. In the past, I might have capitulated and tried to win her favor and maybe find myself with a truck that was too expensive. They have an interesting ritual in the sales room. When someone signs the papers for a sale, the salesperson hands them a big bell, the purchaser rings it, and the entire sales staff stops what they're doing and applauds.

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I was able to detach myself from the hype of the moment to really observe what was happening. The whole bell ringing thing, while fun for the purchaser, was intended for those still negotiating. It was very clear to me how easy it would be to want to be the one who gets to ring that bell and have everyone applaud. What a brilliant ploy! I caught the salesperson positioning me where I could see the bell ringers. I caught her watching me for my reaction. When I said I wanted to wait and see what the service department said, her displeasure was palpable. That was when I thanked her for her time, and her complimentary bottle of water, and excused myself to the waiting area.

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As it turned out, the repair was fairly simple and even though it was a surprise, it was doable in the budget and I was back on the road in about three hours. The truck now runs like new and I went from getting 12 MPG to a whopping 22.2 MPG just from new spark plugs! So, the moral of the story is…detach yourself from emotionally charged situations and pay attention to your surroundings. There are teachers there!

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❤

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\"“ ‘If anyone sins because they do not speak up when they hear a public charge to testify regarding something they have seen or learned about, they will be held responsible.\"

\nLeviticus 5:1\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-28T01:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/28/learning.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/16/the-front-row.html", "title": "The Front Row", "content_html": "\n
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Gone are the days when I've relegated myself to the third row. I don't regret anything I've done in my life because every step I made turned me into who I am today. But I do have some wishes. I wish I would have taken more chances, made more mud pies, rode more roller coasters. I wish I would have listened to that doctor and gone to medical school. I wish I wouldn't have tried so hard to fit square pegs into round holes. I wish I wouldn't have been so afraid.

\n\n\n

I told Mr. Virgo once that I wish I would have met him in my 30's. He said, \"No, you don't. You wouldn't have liked who I was then.\" And, he's probably right because I don't think he would have liked the 30-year-old version of me, either. There's a reason we met when we did…it was the right time.

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I had dinner last night with one of his cousins and her husband. We had never met in person. I'm not even sure we have ever spoken on the phone, but we have been Facebook friends since Mr. Virgo died. They were traveling through Denver and asked me to dinner. As I sat in the car waiting to go in, I found myself getting a bit emotional. I didn't know many members of Mr. Virgo's family and this was a blood relative so it seemed special…this physical connection. We laughed and told stories and I learned more about people he had spoken of. I had a great time and I'm really glad I went.

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Yes, gone are the days of third row seating. You'll find me up front from now on.

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❤

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\n

\"Then Laban said to him, “You are my own flesh and blood.”…

\nGenesis 29:14\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-16T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/16/the-front-row.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Growth","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/05/goodbye-old-friends.html", "title": "Goodbye, old friends!", "content_html": "\n
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Twenty years ago, a group of us were going to go whitewater rafting on the Colorado River on Memorial Day. I had never rafted before and was told I needed good, waterproof, strap-on sandals to wear. I bought a pair of Chacos and absolutely loved them! They have terrific arch support and are actually the only sandals that keep me from getting plantar fasciitis flares. I have worn this pair for twenty years, every day that's warm enough to let my toes out. The soles are finally worn nearly through and after this last trip, I noticed the sole is cracking. I fixed it with Super Glue, but really…it's only a matter of time before they fall apart. I know it's crazy, but I have a tremendous emotional attachment to these shoes. They embody summer to me. And they are literally molded by my feet. But, they have to go…when something comes into the camper, something goes out!

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So, goodbye old friends! You have served me well, carrying me over many comfortable miles! Thank you…and thanks to Chaco for building a fine quality, long-lasting product. Definitely worth the price!

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❤

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\"How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince’s daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of an artist’s hands.\"

\nSong of Solomon 7:1\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-05T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/05/goodbye-old-friends.html", "tags": ["Camping","Comfort","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/01/north-clear-creek-falls.html", "title": "North Clear Creek Falls", "content_html": "\n
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On the road between Creede and Lake City, CO is an innocuous little turnoff for Clear Creek Falls. As you turn into the parking lot, you can see a small creek meandering through the fields. But come closer and you see a great gash in the earth and this small stream goes crashing headlong over the cliff with a mighty roar.

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I can see a metaphor here for the changes that come in life, specifically loss. Life meanders along, still and smooth, till the ground drops out from under you and you are thrust over a cliff, landing on the rocks below. Life roars all around you with dizzying speed making you frightened to step from the relative safety of the rocks into the rapids below. But you have two choices because you can't go back up. You can buy real estate and stay in the dizzying roar of the falls. Or you can take a leap of faith and jump into the current. Your old life is back at the top of the falls. Your current situation has you in an uncomfortable position on the rock amidst the roar of the rushing water. And as scary as it may be, your new life after loss is waiting for you downstream. But, have faith. God/Spirit/Universe will catch you! Once that cleansing water rushes over you, you can have a beautiful new life filled with happiness and hope.

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Here…take my hand. Let's jump in together, shall we?

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❤

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\"Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.\"

\nPsalm 42:7\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/01/north-clear-creek-falls.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Fear","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/06/09/reunion.html", "title": "Reunion", "content_html": "\n
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I had an unexpected surprise this week. I received a text from a high school friend that was coming to Denver to actively participate in the Clinton Global Initiative Group…part of the Bill, Hillary, and Chelsea Clinton Foundation. We hadn't seen each other in 44 years and spent four hours in an Irish Pub catching up. What a delightful way to spend the afternoon!

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Friendships. I have renewed so many of the friendships of my youth in the last six months. Some of whom I haven't seen since graduating in '71. I don't know if it is indicative of the circumstances we found ourselves in at the time or if it's a \"Southern Thang\", but our class was particularly close in high school. With the advent of social media, we've been able to carry on a virtual class reunion. One of the blessings of that, and of age, is crossing the boundaries of \"the clique\". People who would not have known me in high school have become dear friends. I love this. It's the active laying down of the slings and arrows of adolescence and finding that common ground that makes us more alike than different. I have heard some say \"Well, she didn't pay a bit of attention to me in high school…why would I want to be friends now?\" I say horse hockey. Get over it. We were kids. EVERYBODY'S adolescence sucked. I wouldn't miss out on these relationships for anything in the world.

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❤

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\"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.\"

\nJohn 15:12\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-06-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/06/09/reunion.html", "tags": ["Fun","Forgiveness","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/06/07/blue-skies.html", "title": "Blue Skies", "content_html": "\n
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I got out on my bike yesterday. I rode the area bike path east till I ran into flooding. I turned around and went west and found the same thing so I ended up circling around the reservoir, which was lovely. The altitude kicked my butt though! It's been 9 months since I've lived here so it'll take a little time to adjust.

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Blue skies. It indicates more than good weather to me. Blue skies is an attitude…a state of mind. I sat and visited with family last night and they mentioned I've certainly had an interesting life, not all of it easy, yet I still keep truckin' with a smile on my face. A lot of that is just my nature, I think. But I firmly believe you can change your life by changing your thinking. Whatever you put your attention on is going to receive the most energy. It's not a big leap to figure out you can't live a positive life with a negative mind. I know it isn't always easy….but just making one little change can make a huge difference.

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I got to spend time with my younger daughter last night. She has the unfortunate luck of inheriting my family's tendency toward worry and anxiety. She is using a cognitive behavior modification technique to help her change that pattern. She wears a rubber band around her wrist and when she gets to stinkin' thinkin', she snaps the rubber band and forces herself to think something positive. She says it's really helping her and I can see the difference in her. She has a lot more blue skies in her life now…and that makes me happy.

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❤

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\"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.\"

\n2 Corinthians 4:18\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-06-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/06/07/blue-skies.html", "tags": ["Family","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/30/tent-city.html", "title": "Tent City", "content_html": "\n
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This is amazing. Every day more people come and squeeze into any available space in the campground. I've never seen anything like it! I hope to get a panoramic view of the field tomorrow. Thank GOD it hasn't rained. This field isn't referred to as \"Mudville\" for nothing! We were brilliant…we selected the family camping area so it is really quiet. At least it is right now because the late show is still going on.

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I'm sitting outside my \"home\" as I write this. I'm trying to imagine. What if this was how we all HAD to live? Crammed together in a field. People living in makeshift tents, screen rooms, old buses and vans. Large, energy guzzling RVs and travel trailers like mine. What if this was our real home? Water and food would soon become an issue. As would sanitation. Rains would turn this lovely new-mown hay field into a boggy quagmire. Tempers would soon flair. The sense of peace and love and community created by the joint intention of the gathering would soon be lost…given away to fear and greed and envy. Fight or flight. You see it in third world countries every day. I experienced it in the jungles of Mexico many years ago.

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As I'm sitting here, I look at my \"home\" and I'm filled with humble gratitude. I am positively affluent! I have a clean, safe place to live. I am free to live wherever I choose. I am so very grateful for everything God has blessed me with. Truly.

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❤

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\n

\"Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy.\"

\nPsalm 47:1\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-30T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/30/tent-city.html", "tags": ["Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Gratitude","Courage","Peaceful Moments","Downsizing","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/24/capable.html", "title": "Capable", "content_html": "\n
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I'm counting down the days to lift off. My list is long. I have one, maybe two trips left out to the farm. Yet, I'm still finding time to play. I'm fitting in some kayaking this morning. Visiting with a friend in the afternoon. Cookout in the evening. SO much to do in the next few days and I'm feeling confident and capable.

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There was a time in my life when I wasn't capable of doing much of anything. If you had to come up with something good to say about my abilities back then, you might have said something like, \"Well, she breathed in and out all day without too much trouble.\" In the depth of my depression sixteen years ago, I wasn't capable of accomplishing much on a daily basis. Couple that with myriad medications and I was just going through the motions. I call those the Prozac years. I don't remember much of my forties.

\n\n\n

By the time I met Mr. Virgo, I had been off all meds for five years and was a totally different person. Yet still I didn't feel terribly self confident about my place in the world. I deferred a lot of my abilities to my husband. He was so adept at everything. I didn't have to worry my pretty little head about much of anything. Then he up and died on me and left me to figure this all out on my own.

\n\n\n

Something instinctively told me I had to travel solo to find myself. There was no one else to rely on. No one to hold me in the dark of night. Not in the physical plane, anyway. I always have God with me. And He gives me the strength to face the days…and nights…on my own. He gives me discernment. I have discovered that, with God…I truly CAN do anything. I am capable. I am strong. I am brave even when I sometimes don't feel I am.

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There is no way you can travel alone and not discover how capable you truly are. It is the deepest gift you can give yourself.

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❤

\n\n\n
\n

\"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.\"

\nEphesians 6:10-11\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/24/capable.html", "tags": ["Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/06/letting-go.html", "title": "Letting Go", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

This has been my life song for the last couple of years. I have let go of so much since Mr. Virgo died…him being the biggest, baddest let go ever. My big house has been exchanged for a home on wheels. My material possessions are getting fewer and fewer even as we speak. My expectations have totally been changed. Even my faith has changed in that it has become stronger. I do a pretty fair job flying my own kite, yet I have a very real tendency to want to hold onto the tail…to maintain some semblance of control.

\n\n\n

I have always been a control freak. I like to drive my own car to events so I can leave when I want. I hate to make commitments because I may change my mind or not be in the mood when the event comes. I like to have the last word in arguments. Yeah…not real pretty characteristics, those. So, I hang onto the tail of that kite so I can direct it's flight and send it where I want it to go. Then I wonder why things don't work out the way I planned.

\n\n\n

I want my kite to fly high. I want it to soar on the winds of change with ease and grace. Have you ever tried to fly a kite without a tail? It won't work. It spins crazily out of control and crashes to the ground with the littlest breeze. Mr. Virgo was the tail on my kite. He kept me from flying in circles and crashing. I've had to find a replacement. There is no better choice for me than letting God be the tail of my kite…then letting go so He can steer my life where it's meant to go. It's really ever so much better. Perhaps not easy, but better.

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❤

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\"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.\"

\nHebrews 11:8\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-06T08:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/06/letting-go.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Grace","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/04/the-journey.html", "title": "The Journey", "content_html": "\n
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I've been thinking about this journey I've been on over the last couple of years. It hasn't been a straight path by any stretch of the imagination. It's all wiggly squiggly and brings me forward then back then forward again. And along the way there are a number of doors and little secret passageways that offer distractions from the course at hand. Some are really inviting. Some are definitely marked \"Enter At Your Own Risk\". And each has a gift tucked somewhere inside. An experience. An opportunity. A lesson to be learned.

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It's a funny thing about the lessons of life. Sometimes we have to walk a road for a long time till we \"get it\". I've recently had a situation like that. I dutifully put on my rose-colored glasses and kept hiking. At first the path was really easy but it wasn't too long before I was scrambling up that mountain till I finally came to the end of the path and the only way out was to turn around. It's a humbling experience to admit things really weren't what they appeared. I wasn't necessarily wrong to take that particular path because I learned a lot about myself and human nature exploring that neck of the woods. Valuable lessons. We never stop learning who we are in the world.

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It's all a journey. We keep going down a path…until we don't. Then we head down another…and another. And at the end…we are there.

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❤

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\"People assault the flinty rock with their hands and lay bare the roots of the mountains. They tunnel through the rock; their eyes see all its treasures. They search the sources of the rivers and bring hidden things to light.\"

\nJob 28:9-11\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-04T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/04/the-journey.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/01/good-vibes.html", "title": "Good Vibes", "content_html": "\n
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I can always tell when my vibe is on the wrong frequency by who is coming into my life. I sincerely believe we attract the kind of energy we put out. I look at the people coming into my life lens and they invariably tell me where my brain is. When I'm in this really great space, I get these really great people who show up with cool energy that syncs with mine. When I'm off, or thinking negatively about someone or something, I can just about count on someone crotchety crossing my path. I mean, it's not always that way, but enough to see a pattern. Then there's days like today that make you scratch your head.

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I went out to the farm to pick up a truckload of stuff to take to my cousin. My aunt was as sweet as pie. She was expecting company for lunch so she was in a happy, chatty mood. The last time I was there, she told me to take the stuff off the back porch because she had put my food out there. I assumed she meant the canned goods from the pantry that I had bought so I wasn't too concerned with it being there another week or so because my truck was full. Today, I took the stuff off the porch and put it in my truck but I didn't see any food. Then I noticed my cooler was heavy so I opened it and nearly died. When I moved away from the farm and came to town at Christmas, I had chicken salad and yogurt in the fridge. My aunt left it in the fridge till two weeks ago when she put it in my cooler out on the back porch…in 80 degree weather! OMGosh! I'm not sure what karma I'm playing out, but that was pretty gross.

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I can't quite figure out if I'm dealing with dementia here or a just plain mean spirit. Either way, the results are the same and it's disheartening. I pray for her, I wish her well, and I hope she gets the help she needs sooner rather than later. And, I'm getting my stuff out as fast as I can. There is nothing else I can do for her at this point.

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Addendum: I debated back and forth with myself for hours after writing this post. I wasn't sure I should talk about my elders in such a way. I'm not trying to garner sympathy either. I have family members who read my posts and I would never want to alienate them by speaking ill of my aunt. I love her. I truly do. This was just a really difficult situation for both of us. A friend if mine points out things might have been a little better had I arrived in spring instead of the onset of winter where we were thrust together in close quarters. I posit that one cannot truly know another when your only contact is as a guest on vacation. Whatever the reason, no matter the outcome, I mean no disrespect to my aunt or those who care about her.

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❤

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\"Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory.\"

\n2 Timothy 2:10\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/01/good-vibes.html", "tags": ["Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Aging","Downsizing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/04/07/happy-anniversary-mr-virgo.html", "title": "Happy Anniversary, Mr. Virgo!", "content_html": "\n
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I'm making progress on several fronts, not the least of which is the personal growth I have been forced to make when my life changed so drastically. I was talking with a friend yesterday and told her I never, ever would have dreamed this is what my life would look like. I never could have imagined surviving the loss of half my heart when Mr. Virgo died. I'm still plowing through the stuff that I brought with me from Colorado that's been stored out at the farm. I'm picking out the things that are most often used, not easily replaced, or have the dearest sentimental value. The rest has to go.

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I was going through another truckload last week when I opened a small plastic box. In the bottom were three greeting cards from Mr. Virgo. I saw them and immediately my heart twisted and tears crept behind my eyes. I allowed myself two minutes to feel the sadness. Then I sat on the tailgate of my pickup and opened the Anniversary card.

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\"You are the love of my life.\"

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Seven little words. One huge, monumental sentiment. Suddenly, this immense rush of joy, love, and pride rushed over me. What was initially a land mine…a heart bomb…became a gift that was even MORE special than the day I first received it. The love that was put in that card sat in that box and grew and grew and grew till it just splashed all over me when I picked it up.

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I was! I WAS the love of his life! I was SO loved that I was the most important thing in this really great guy's life! And, I married him on April 7, 2007. I got to ride on a velvet pillow carried by a very handsome man! I carry his heart safely tucked inside my own.

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I've been trying to sort out my feelings the last few days. I miss him. I'll always miss him. April 7th will always be a special day, but not always a painful day. I celebrate our love and honor Mr. Virgo in different ways every day…whether it's through my writing or telling a funny story about him to a friend or talking to him as I sit by the river. I can feel myself letting go of his hand. And I can feel his approval. Today I'm doing well. There will be other days that will challenge me…but today I am feeling more whole than I have in two years. This is not a bad thing.

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❤

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'Who is left among you who saw this temple in its former glory? And how do you see it now? Does it not seem to you like nothing in comparison?\"

\nHaggai 2:3\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-04-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/04/07/happy-anniversary-mr-virgo.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/30/learning-to-see.html", "title": "Learning to See", "content_html": "\n

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I got back Saturday afternoon from my little jaunt to the Paul Thorn concert. It was cold out so I just curled up and read, took a nap, and cooked pasta with vodka cream sauce for supper.

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I went to church yesterday morning and the topic was…listening for God. Since that has been our topic lately, I'll expound a little. Pastor Pam discussed the story of Blind Bart…Bartamaeus from the book of Mark. Bart had been blind since birth. He didn't have a sign around his neck proclaiming his blindness. He didn't shout or stop everyone passing by to tell them he couldn't see. He didn't complain. He just sat…quietly waiting till the day his keen senses picked up a great Man in his presence. At that, Bartamaeus stood and shouted to the Lord for mercy. The entourage tried to quiet him but Bart raised his voice calling for mercy until Jesus stopped and healed him. The other day, someone posted here that she couldn't hear God over her fervent prayers. To which I might suggest being still and wait for God to come to you. God is polite and won't interrupt our prayers. More often than not, we have to sit beside the road and listen for His footsteps. The disciples walking with Jesus thought they knew what they were doing by shushing old Bart, but sometimes those who think they have all the answers are the most blind.

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I have been thinking a lot about that last statement. \"Sometimes those who think they have all the answers are the most blind.\" I've been riding on the \"Downsizing Train\" pretty heavy the last year. I have acted like I just discovered the cure for cancer and everyone needs to jump on with me and drink the Koolaid. A dear friend of mine called me on this and brought a different perspective. Sometimes women are forced to walk away from an unhealthy situation and leave everything behind. Economics can rob us of our possessions. I, myself, moved into tiny places after both of my divorces and I had very little. When something like that happens and you have to work your way back and earn every little thing in your home, they become precious reminders of strength, faith, survival, and hope. Downsizing and living tiny is not for everyone. Our paths are as myriad as the stars in the sky. My path has me clearing away what I feel clutters my life and makes it difficult for me to hear my heart beating. I honor your path as you honor mine. I didn't \"see\" how my words might be affecting some so God spoke to me through my friend. \"Be still…listen.\" So, this is my prayer…\"Lord, let me see.\"

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❤

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“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him. The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”

\nMark 10:51\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-30T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/30/learning-to-see.html", "tags": ["Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/27/holding-on.html", "title": "Holding On", "content_html": "\n
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Sometimes, when I stretch my wings and step out of my comfort zone, I stir up that sleeping monster called \"Anxiety\" inside me. It's as if his radar gets a signal that I'm about to try something new and he jumps up like a junkyard dog, ready to attack me to keep me in my place. He is happiest when he wreaks havoc in my life. I have come a long way in taming that beast, but it takes a great deal of strength to hold onto the chains that bind him.

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I'm traveling this weekend and meeting new people. I'll be in a crowded music venue in a strange place far from home. I'm not crazy about the idea, even though I'm SO excited to see this artist and meet these people. It's a dilemma I am often faced with…overcome social anxieties or stay sequestered. I'm not about to hole up and not enjoy every opportunity that can bring joy into my life so I grab the chains tighter. This was my position at 3:00 yesterday morning. Those hours before dawn are a trap. I sometimes lose my grip on the chains. Then, I saw this meme and it reminded me to look at my tattoo. My burdens really are light as a feather because God carries them for me. I used my Rescue Remedy (I cannot recommend this stuff enough!) In the stillness I laid down the chains that held the beast and let God hold me. Within a minute, I was sleeping soundly and, as always, my world was different in the light of day.

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Stretching is a challenge when you have an anxiety disorder. People can't see it so they don't understand it. They have all kinds of patience with your insecurities and twisted realities…for awhile. Then they don't get it. \"Why can't you just get over it?\" \"Just let it go, already!\" It takes infinite patience and love to stand by someone with anxiety. I am forever grateful to those who love me in spite of myself. My anxiety is so much better, but still raises its ugly head on occasion. Forward…ever forward.

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❤

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\"I can do all this through him who gives me strength.\"

\nPhilippians 4:13\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/27/holding-on.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/11/walking-through-fire.html", "title": "Walking Through Fire", "content_html": "\n
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It is not possible to walk through fire, innocent and exposed, without coming away burned. Life burns us. Yet life blesses us with the flames. I was burned with the loss of Mr. Virgo. I was blessed that it happened in the spring so that each year when his Angelversary comes around, the earth is being reborn and I am given hope. I was burned…as so many of us are. Our hearts ripped from our chests and the only way to breathe was through the gauzy fog of grief. I am blessed that the woman inside me…the one I thought was gone forever…has started peeking her head out and I'm delighted to see her. I missed her terribly! She's the fun part of me. The playful one. The free one. The earth mother. The sexy, juicy goddess of joy. I've missed her and longed for her return. I tried a couple times to hasten her arrival only to be spanked on the hand and told to wait. Wait. Wait. She knew best. She knew she had to stay away till the burns healed into scars. I am changed. I have been transformed. Peeling the layers away with the debridement of my soul has brought me as near to my center as I have ever been. I liken it to having new eyes. This new light is a bit shocking after having spent the last two years in suspended animation.

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My memories are being stored in the Cloud. I had pictures on my phone of Mr. Virgo in his casket. I stayed inside myself, gripping the phone in desperation, wanting one last connection with the man who had carried my heart on a velvet pillow. Looking at that picture of him, lying so still in his best ivory sweater, his stunning silver hair resting on white satin, was the only thing I could do to cry. I had to open my own chest and debride my heart. I knew instinctively it was the only path to healing. As time went on, I didn't need to see the picture so much. Interestingly, just in the last couple of weeks, I went back in the archives of my phone to look for it and…it's gone. It has gone to the Cloud and I can't get it back. And you know what? That's ok. I don't need to visit that anymore. I am rising from the ashes. I will face tomorrow as I have everyday the last year…with strength, courage, hope, and grace. And I will celebrate a wonderful man who I was so fortunate to call my own.

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❤

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\"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.\"

\n1 Peter 1:6-7\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/11/walking-through-fire.html", "tags": ["Grief","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/25/mobile-storage.html", "title": "Mobile Storage", "content_html": "\n
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When I picked out my camper for use as my tiny home on wheels, I was towing with a Ford Expedition. I had to work within a weight limit and that subsequently limited my choices among the trailers I had to choose from at my local RV dealer. I was determined to buy local to support our economy. Ultimately, I purchased a 2015 Starcraft Launch Ultra Lite 24RLS (rear living space). I knew from the get go that storage space was minimal but I was also determined to downsize in order to fit.

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The best laid plans. For those of you who have been following along, you saw what I went through whittling away at my possessions. It was pretty grim. I finally pared a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath home down to 25 boxes and called it good. I shipped those boxes cross country to my grandparents' farm with the full intention of living there and caring for an elderly aunt to keep her out of a nursing home. That scenario just didn't pan out and now I'm left with the decision of what to do with those 25 boxes of stuff that I was convinced I couldn't live without just 5 months ago. They cannot stay at the farm, I cannot carry them in my camper, and I don't have a place to ship them even if I wanted to.

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These are the special things. The boxes of photos have been scanned into an external hard drive with back up on a second external hard drive and the originals distributed to the families of the subjects. There is a boatload of clothes that can certainly be weeded through easily enough and donated. There are three sets of dishes that Mr. Virgo gave me. I want to keep them in the family so they need to go back to CO with me. There are some tools and jewelry making supplies that I need for the studio I'm going to build on board. But, as I said…storage space is at a premium.

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I have to get creative and think outside of the box. Or, in this case, inside of it. When I envisioned the perfect storage space, I pictured a place where I can safely hang some clothes and store some boxes. It needs to be clean, dust free, and dry. It needs to be accessible at a moment's notice. When you're mobile, how does that work? The light bulb came on…I needed a topper for my truck. I stopped at a local auto shop and picked out a Leer topper. I had a Thule rack put on top in case I decide to take that canoe my ex has offered me. It can also carry a rack for extra cargo hauling if I need it. I had the truck bed lined with carpet to keep things clean and tidy. I had a 12v outlet put in for powering accessories while camping. I had two clothing rods installed in the roof down the driver's side to carry coats and extra clothes. It all locks up tight, the windows are tinted to keep window browsing at a minimum, and they open for ventilation. If I want to, I can throw a mattress in the bed of the truck and go camping off grid.

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This wasn't the cheapest solution I could find but in the long run, it is the most practical. A rolling walk-in closet big enough to carry those items that I truly find useful, beautiful, and loved.

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❤

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\"For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors…\"

\n1 Peter 1:18 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-25T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/25/mobile-storage.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/16/patience.html", "title": "Patience", "content_html": "\n
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Joyce Meyer wrote \"Patience is not simply the ability to wait - it's how we behave while we're waiting.\" Oh, dear! If that is true, I am behaving badly. I have very little patience. It must be a Gemini thing because a friend of mine is the same way. I am an instant gratification girl. I want winter to be over…now, thank you very kindly. My polite artist friend Linda said this yesterday. \"Your house is on wheels. If you don't like the snow and cold, go somewhere else!\" She's right, of course. But…I've been waiting for weeks for my topper to come in for my truck. (It came once and they made it wrong so they had to order another one.) The topper is in and I'm scheduled to have it installed today at 2:00. However, we are under a winter storm warning. And I'm not taking this big gal out on the road if there is ANY chance of snow. So I'm kinda stuck. Really, it's not so bad. I have lots of friends to hang out with. I have reading material out the wazoo. I have plenty of propane, electric, food, and water. I even have a yoga DVD. Maybe that'll calm me down. Ommmmmmm…

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I have a sister/friend. You may have one. She's the one who's been with me the longest. She may not be my biological sister, but she's still my sister, you know? We don't talk as much as we should. We haven't visited each other in eleven years. It's been too long. I've been so wrapped up in my stuff, I haven't been there for her like I should have been. She's good. If she hears my \"Chamber of Commerce\" voice, she cuts me off and makes me tell her what's really going on. She's right, you know. There's a lot of times I put on the strong face, square my shoulders, and say \"I'm fine\" and while it's not a lie, maybe it's not quite the whole truth either. The truth is, I'm fine, and this sucks. I'm strong, and this is such a struggle. I'm competent, and I get afraid. I'm not \"over it\". I'll never be \"over it\". But I'm replenishing myself. I'm filling my bucket. I'm rebuilding my foundation…one tiny little brick at a time. And I'M doing it. No one else can do it for me. It's hard work, it's exhausting, but I'm getting it done. And…here's the bad part. Because she was asking about me, I prattled on and on about me. I've been so focused on me, I've become egocentric. She lost one of her beloved fur babies this week. And I didn't even ask about him. She's had health issues and I didn't ask her about them. I love this girl as my own flesh and blood and I failed to be the support she needed from me. And I feel small for that. I promise…I'll be a better sister.

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❤

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\"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.\"

\nPhilippians 4:11 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-16T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/16/patience.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Presence","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/14/happy-valentines-day.html", "title": "Happy Valentine's Day!", "content_html": "\n
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My great grandfather used to say, \"It'll stop hurting when the pain goes away.\" I never quite got the deeper meaning of those words till yesterday. I woke up feeling more peaceful than I have since Mr. Virgo died. It was remarkable. I couldn't put my finger on anything specific…I just felt lighthearted, like I could take on the world. The sun broke the horizon and made the frost on the windows glow a lovely golden yellow. It was 4 degrees outside but inside, my world was warm and beautiful and calm. I just laid there and enjoyed that feeling and was ever so grateful.

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I'm heading for the two year mark now. Some of you have been following along from the beginning. If you are new, I lost my beloved Mr. Virgo in March 2013. We were buying a camper and he had a heart attack and died. I went ahead and bought one and started this journey. We've had lots of ups and downs, you and me. We'll have more. But today is a day to share the love and tell those who are important to you that you care.

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You all have been important to me…and, I care about you. I've gotten to know some of you personally. I recognize your names and look forward to hearing from you. We offer support and prayers for each other when they're needed. We encourage each other when the going gets tough and we applaud each other when we accomplish our goals. I am so proud of this page and of all you brave souls. I love y'all…more than biscuits and gravy! I hope you have a good day.

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❤

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\"And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.\"

\nColossians 3:14 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-14T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/14/happy-valentines-day.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","Gratitude","Holiday","Wisdom","Courage","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/06/a-simple-life.html", "title": "A Simple Life", "content_html": "\n
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I don't remember ever thinking of my grandparents as anything but old. My mom and dad were pretty old, my grandparents were really old, and my great grandparents were ancient. I wonder if my grandkids see me the same way? I'm pretty active and I take the girls camping. We go fishing. We go shopping. But, if I wear something that doesn't suit The Fashionista, she has been known to walk way ahead of me and pretend I'm visiting from out of town…which, of course, I am.

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My maternal grandparents were who I wanted to model a marriage after. My mom said she never saw them argue. The closest thing I ever heard from her was long after Pop-Pop died. I asked her if he had helped around the house and she snorted and said, \"Mart didn't even know how to fry an egg!\" They worked hard. There were many mouths to feed and it was during the Depression. If it weren't for their old dairy cow, they would have starved.

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One of my favorite memories was evenings when Pop-Pop would stretch out on the couch to watch the news. Grandma would pull a straight back chair over beside him so she could hold his hand. I always wanted that. I finally had it with Mr. Virgo but it was gone all too soon. I found this picture while scanning the family archives. Pop-Pop died in 1971. Grandma in '99. I still miss them. I'm older than they were in this picture. Where on earth did the time go?

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❤

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\"I was young and now I am old…\"

\nPsalm 37:25 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/06/a-simple-life.html", "tags": ["Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/29/name-tags.html", "title": "Name Tags", "content_html": "\n
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I am blessed with a really great guy pal. We talk a ton on the phone and he's one of my best buds in the whole world. We talk about every subject under the sun and laugh till we're breathless. It's refreshing. And he knows me well. Very well. The last couple of nights we've had an interesting topic of conversation that kind of shocked me into seeing myself differently. We were talking about my interactions with people and I told him I am totally non-confrontational. He stopped me mid-sentence and said, \"Now, wait a minute. I don't see you as non-confrontational at all. You have no trouble telling someone you are not pleased with something. You don't back down. What I see is this…you get knocked off balance when you are blind-sided by someone who attacks you verbally when it's unwarranted. That happens to everyone. It's the fight or flight response to adrenalin.\" Stunned silence on my end. And just like that, I saw the name tag I'd been writing for myself, dutifully sticking it to my lapel, and announcing to the world…\"Hello! I am _\". (Fill in the blank with the self-imposed description du jour!)

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We give ourselves labels and keep hanging them out there, forgetting that we change as we grow. Now, while I don't particularly enjoy confrontation, I can drop the old label and choose a new, more positive description. I can replace \"non-confrontational\" with something that suits who I am today, such as \"empowered\" or \"assertive\" or \"strong\". And, if I feel empowered I can go into any situation confident in my ability to take care of myself. It may take some practice, and a gentle reminder now and then, to get it right. But I've just allowed myself to be assertive…to stand up…to say \"You know what? You don't have my permission to speak to me that way.\" How liberating!

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This is another silver lining…another gift from grief. I have, quite literally, achieved more personal growth in the last 22 months than I did in all of the 59 years combined before losing Mr. Virgo. I had no choice but to grow. It feels good.

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❤

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“Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men,
from men whose words are perverse,”

\nProverbs 2:12\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-29T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/29/name-tags.html", "tags": ["Growth","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/26/how-many-days-till-spring.html", "title": "How Many Days Till Spring?", "content_html": "\n
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HOW MANY DAYS TILL SPRING?

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I know we aren't supposed to wish our lives away. We only have one so why can't it always be spent in the glorious days of Spring? I adore Spring. The promise of new life is much more apparent in March than it is when making New Year's resolutions in the darkness of late December. January is nearly over, thank you. February is at least shorter than the other months. And it has Valentine's Day, not that it holds special meaning anymore. But there's at least chocolate involved.

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I am looking forward to Spring along the river this year. I swear, when March 17th comes around every year, I can actually feel something lift off me. In Colorado, that's when you see the first green tips on the globe willow trees and you can feel it coming. The warmth of the sun coaxes tender shoots of green from a barren earth. Winter gray gives way to the glory of color splashed amongst pockets of unmelted snow. Birds begin their northern flight to grace us with their cheerful songs. Ahhhhh, Spring….come to me as the lover you are and brush back the web of darkness that has clung to me since the autumn leaves danced to the ground. Give to me your abundance and affirmation that life does renew itself in an ever changing cycle. Remind me I am alive. Ahhhhh, Spring….just 52 days away. I can hardly wait to see you again!

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❤

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“11 See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone. 12 Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. 13 The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.”

\nSong of Songs 2:11-13\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/26/how-many-days-till-spring.html", "tags": ["Hope","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/22/plan-bor-is-it-c.html", "title": "Plan B…or is it C?", "content_html": "\n
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I have been looking for a place to put my camper. While my uncle has told me there's no real hurry, it seems to be distressing to my aunt to have it on the farm so it's best to move more quickly. I thought I had found a reasonable place not far from one of my cousins, but I've heard from the friend of a friend that there have been meth busts in a couple of the trailers there, so I'm not going anywhere near it! It's best to park on land near the home of an acquaintance, especially around here because there are so many transient oil workers. I drove through an area a month ago where people are renting out spaces in their yards and there might be seven or eight campers surrounding a house. And at $700 a month for each trailer, folks are making a killing. Honestly, a little further north from here looks like the gold rush of California!

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A friend of mine has property overlooking the river and living by the river is on my bucket list. We are checking to see, but that might be the perfect solution. Plans. I consider myself to be extremely flexible, yet I sure balk when someone changes my plans for me. I know it will work out. It always, always does. I just have to get out of God's way and let Him do His thing. I operate under this illusion that I'm the one behind the wheel. Ha! ❤

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\"For I know the plans I have for you,\" declares the Lord, \"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.\"

\nJeremiah 29:11\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-22T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/22/plan-bor-is-it-c.html", "tags": ["Camping","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/20/messy.html", "title": "Messy", "content_html": "\n
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Oh, my. I went to the farm yesterday. How in the world, after spending the better part of SIX MONTHS going through stuff, selling stuff, sorting stuff, giving stuff away…how in the WORLD do I still have so much STUFF??? The entire upstairs of the cellar house is full of boxes. I have stuff in the basement of the house. I have stuff upstairs. I have stuff in the kitchen. I have stuff in the barn. I started on the back porch. I still had a box of kitchen stuff out there that the cats had taken to sleeping on. I fished out my silverware, washed it, and put it in a drawer in the trailer. The rest goes to Goodwill. Then I loaded up two huge tubs of birdseed. (I bought so much because I thought I was going to be at the farm longer than two months.) I loaded it up to take to my cousin. I fished out three boxes from the cellar house and that was all that fit in the cab of my truck. At this rate, I should have everything out of there by 2019!

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Why is it SO hard to get rid of \"stuff\"? I know I feel better every time I get rid of another carload. I think part of it is, I'd rather have a root canal than take the time to sort, clean, and organize. It sets my teeth on edge. It's decidedly unnatural because I am a Gemini. I like stuff! And lots of it! That way, no matter where my little scattered twin-brain takes me, I have something to occupy it with. An art supply. A project. A sparkly. A book. I have, sitting in my hand as I type this, a tablet that allows me access to any book, any picture, any inane bit of trivia I could possibly dream of…in the blink of an eye. Tell me why I am carting around three tubs of reference books like I'm protecting the Holy Grail? It's absolutely insane!

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I need to shift my focus. I have so much emotional attachment to my stuff. I treasure it. It's ok to have treasures. The lock of Mr. Virgo's hair in my red leather box, for instance. But, a box full of tchotchkes that I have paid perfectly good money to have moved no less than EIGHT times??? Crazy! My heart is not in the right place. It is focused on trivia…possessions that do not serve me. Especially not at this point in my life. So, I continue to practice letting go. It's a daily ritual now. Let go. Rest. Catch my breath. Let go of more. It really IS good. It really ISN'T easy.

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❤

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For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

\nMatthew 6:21\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-20T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/20/messy.html", "tags": ["Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/18/a-dream-of-hope.html", "title": "A Dream of Hope", "content_html": "\n
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I slept at least 30 out of 36 hours during my bout with the stomach virus from you-know-where. I woke up for the umpteenth time yesterday at noon and remembered the dream I'd just had. I used to remember my dreams…always. But since losing Mr. Virgo, I'd say I have remembered less than a hand full. Not sure why that is. But this dream was wonderful and I wanted to share it with you.

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It was only my second dream of Mr. Virgo since he died. He had been away working all this time and I decided to go visit him at his new job. I got there and he was dressed in a nice brown suit. He took me in his office where he had been sorting papers. A woman came in and he handed her a stack to be shredded. He hugged me and told me he missed me so much and he was so glad I came. Before I could say anything, I noticed a huge yellow butterfly on the lamp behind him. I pointed and he turned to look. Now, I never ever saw Mr. Virgo cry, but he put his chin down and wept in what I felt was joy. I felt there was someone in the room with us and I turned to my right and it was the same guardian angel that I saw when I had my EMDR treatment for PTSD. When I looked back, I saw that I was looking through a window at Mr. Virgo in Heaven. It was amazing.

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I shared this with my cousin. She said perhaps the shredding of the papers is a sign of getting rid of the clutter and unwanted grief junk in my life. And the butterfly is a sign of new life, new beginnings. When you are sick, you are particularly vulnerable to the shards of grief cutting into you. It's far too easy to slip down that slope of sadness till you find yourself mired in the muck.

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I woke from the dream and laid there…listening to my heart. I felt Mr. Virgo whisper, \"Come on, baby doll. Get up. You'll feel a whole lot better after a shower and some breakfast.\" And, he was right, of course. I walked around the neighborhood and checked out some of the little shops. I stopped at the cute little soda fountain and had a grilled cheese and a Coke. And I felt much better. So much better.

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❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-18T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/18/a-dream-of-hope.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/15/just-say-no.html", "title": "Just Say No", "content_html": "\n
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I'm learning. I'm being given repeated opportunities to practice kindness and patience. It's as though God said, \"Honey…you weren't paying attention in class when you should have learned this so I'm just going to keep bashing your head against this door till you get it, ok?\" Uh, yeah…sure.

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I had another unfortunate conversation with my aunt today. Only this time, I felt bad for a MUCH shorter period of time. Why? Because, I realized this vitriol she fires in my direction at every opportunity has nothing at all to do with me and everything to do with HER! I realized I cannot get attacked if I do not engage in battle. She can poke and prod and pinch and hurt as often as she wants to. I'll just put on my armor and walk on through.

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Just say no…to drama. To snotty backlashes. To bullying. And don't stand there and take blow after blow. Stand up and say \"No. You cannot treat me this way.\" And leave. I know it's easier said than done. But you'll feel so much better afterwards if you stand up for…YOU!

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❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-15T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/15/just-say-no.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Wisdom","Anger","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/14/the-social-media.html", "title": "The \"Social\" Media", "content_html": "\n
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I have a group of girlfriends from my high school class that have connected in a big way here on Facebook. It started by sending a private message to multiple recipients and it has taken on a life of its own. A few of us knew each other well in school, but there are several who were only names and faces in a yearbook until a year or two ago. We have bonded. We share each other's joys and sorrows. We support and encourage each other. If we haven't seen one of our number online for awhile, we send out the \"search party\" and start making phone calls. We get together once a month for coffee and we laugh and laugh. We are the \"Sisters of St. Starbucks\".

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One of our members actually tried to GIVE UP FACEBOOK as her New Year's Resolution. Yeah, right…like THAT was going to happen! I mean, I'm the first to admit it's very easy to fall down the rabbit hole and find I've burned up the day or half the night talking to those my elderly aunt mockingly referred to as my \"pretend friends\". She doesn't get it. I can't imagine how sad and lonely my life would be without the connections I keep here, both on my personal page and on Marshmallow Ranch. Many of you write that you get your coffee and look up my post first thing every morning. To a writer, there is nothing that brings more joy than the confirmation that someone appreciates your work. And, just as you look forward to my writing, I equally look forward to checking in periodically during the day to read your responses and see how you're doing. I can tell I've hit the ball out of the park when a particular post is shared and commented on numerous times. (Like Christmas week when I hit an all-time high of over 358,000 readers! Wow!!!) As a matter of fact, the page continues to grow and reach more people because of that. FB has certain algorithms that dictate how many pages a post is delivered to based on the number of \"likes\" and \"shares\" it receives. Number aren't my bottom line though. Connecting with like minded individuals, recognizing the names of \"regulars\", and forming very real friendships that carry beyond the screen is an amazing bonus in my life and has gone a long, long way toward my healing after losing Mr. Virgo.

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I'm toying with some ideas of ways to add another dynamic to my writing here, aside from the book that's in the works. In the 18th and 19th centuries, folks in Italy and France participated in \"salons\". An author, poet, artist, or some other public figure would join a smallish gathering of interested people to share readings, art, and ideas for the evening. I have a friend from high school who is a wonderful artist. She lives in Cincinnati and has a large art studio where we could meet. We've just touched on the thought of having a \"Salon\" to showcase her art and my writing and before I go too far with the planning, I'd like to gauge the interest of my readers. Is that something you would be interested in attending if I were to come to your area?

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I'm going to be house sitting till the end of February. But as soon as I can get rid of the extra stuff stored at the farm and I can safely travel with TOW-Wanda Grande without the threat of snow, I can hit the road with my gypsy self. I just think this would be a lovely adjunct to my writing here and it would be such fun! Let me know what you think. I love your input!

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❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-14T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/14/the-social-media.html", "tags": ["Travel","Fun","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/11/writing.html", "title": "Writing", "content_html": "\n
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I don't know the exact date, but I began this page in January 2013. I've written very nearly every single day for two years now, minus a short stretch immediately following Mr. Virgo's death. Writing has become as second nature to me as dressing and brushing my teeth. If for some reason I cannot write a post, I feel so off-kilter I can hardly stand it. And, as much as I love to talk, every so often I get a little \"writer's block\" and I panic. What if I've finally run out of things to say? What if I've told every story I have? What if this is all there is….days and weeks and months of death and dying and grief only to be faced with a little sunshine and a lot of \"What now?\"

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While my intent with this page has always been to help others who are walking a path of grief, it hasn't been all about giving. I've done a lot of receiving in the process. And I have done a tremendous amount of healing. While you're never \"over\" grief…you do get past the worst of it and life starts to be good again. There comes a time when you want to change your focus. You don't want to sit with it in your lap all the time. We are all on different points of the spectrum. Some of you have recent losses….for some it has been years. Some have never had to face widowhood, but gain insight and hope here for survival should that change. We are all going to face loss in one form or another. Having a place to go to share our experiences and to learn and talk about our hopes and fears has been a lifeline for many, including me. I don't want that to change. I don't know if it's where I am on the journey, or if it's a reflection of all the changes I've been going through lately, but I'm finding myself in the awkward position of writing a grief blog and not wanting to talk about grief. At least not all the time, every day, day after day. It's feeling a bit like wearing a sweater that got shrunk a little in the wash. I'm having to tug it here and there to make it fit.

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I don't want to quit writing. I also don't want to let anyone down who looks forward to my musings to gain insight into the mass confusion of grief. There is quite a volume of material on this page and even I scroll back from time to time and read posts from early on as a reminder. I hope you will continue to indulge me as I stretch and write about other things besides grief. I'm sure the subject will be revisited when the tide comes in.

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I'm feeling the need to breathe the cold air of January deep within me and freshen my brain and my heart…to air out the rooms so long draped with the shrouds of despair. I want to work my body and my mind and feel alive. I want a fresh coat of white paint to reflect the light. This is another phase of the grief process….just without all the darkness involved. I've turned a corner.

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❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-11T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/11/writing.html", "tags": ["Grief","Writing","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/10/perspective.html", "title": "Perspective", "content_html": "\n
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I've battled the scale for the very last time. Yesterday was the first day in a gym in probably seventeen years. Thank God I have a friend in the same boat as me or I might not have gone. We both could think of a hundred things we would have much rather been doing on this cold, snowy morning. But, there we were.

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We joined Planet Fitness because of their tag line. They are a self-proclaimed \"No Judgement Zone\". The fact that we can go there with our muffin tops rolling over our tres chic spandex leggings (carefully camouflaged by our slightly oversized t-shirts) and glow in front of others without some skinny little plastic Barbie doll looking at us with veiled disgust is a huge relief. Gosh, that first trip in, that first look at all these intimidating machines, that first awkward round of reps doing things in front of others that honestly should never be given the light of day, that first 10 minutes on the elliptical when you have no rhythm or sense of balance….that is an act of great bravery. That is pure strength right there. Anyone who does that, and stays, is a hero in my eyes!

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And stay we did! Our cute little personal trainer, with the tight little bubble butt I have no memory of ever having, went over our fitness goals (ummmm, I'd like to lift my groceries into my car without feeling like I just bench pressed a Buick!) then showed us each machine and how to use it. My friend and I looked at each other and said \"Let's DO this!\" (Or maybe it was \"You wanna get ice cream after?\" I don't remember.) Anyway, we headed off for our cardio warmup, then did a circuit on the machines and another cardio cool down.

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Feeling pretty smug, we headed into the locker room and there….right out in front of us…was the dreaded S-C-A-L-E!!! This is an instrument of the devil himself! Ok, we got on. I am brave. I am fearless. I demonstrate 190 pounds of gravitational pull. That's cool. That's not who I am. I am powerful. Now, to get strong! Follow along on an entirely NEW adventure as I reshape my vessel!

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❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-10T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/10/perspective.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Courage","Choices","Change","Fitness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/09/the-little-engine-that-could.html", "title": "The Little Engine That Could", "content_html": "\n
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You've heard the old adage….Whether you think you can or you think you can't…you're right. I used to exercise like a fiend. Far too much, as it turns out. Then I went to the comfortably soft end of the couch and stayed there. I've made every excuse in the book for why I \"can't\" exercise. It's too hot. It's too cold. I'm too tired. I have a headache. I'm SO out of shape, there is NO way I'm going to get back. Mr. Virgo died and I don't want to go out there alone. Yeah, right. The truth is, I just plain DON'T WANT TO! However…my body is starting to change my mind for me. I'm finding it more difficult to get up off that comfy couch…literally as well as figuratively. I'm finding myself short of breath at the top of these stairs to the apartment where I am house sitting. I'm finding clothes don't fit right and I'm getting entirely TOO comfortable in mom jeans and leggings.

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Don't get me wrong…I don't care what anyone else thinks of me or how I look. But I want more than what I am giving myself. I want more energy. I want more stamina. I want more socialization. I want more fun. I want more of everything good and I'm not going to get it by sitting on the sofa, day in and day out, eating ice cream and not taking care of myself. Exercise will accomplish all these goals as well as go a long way in controlling the grief junk that has risen it's head far too often. A couple of days ago, one of my friends (who is a widow) went with me to the gym to sign up. They were having an amazing deal on membership so we couldn't pass it up. Then last night she invited me to the local cycling club meeting to meet members and see if it's something I'm interested in. They were such genuine people and welcomed me with open arms even though I haven't touched a bicycle in years. Today my friend and I go for our first orientation meeting at the gym. I'm not going overboard. I'm not going all Rambo and do three aerobics classes a day like I used to do 20 years ago. I'm just going to move around a little bit. I'm going to get the blood flowing and get stronger and meet some new people and have a little fun. And I'm going to wake up even more because…I think I can!

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❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/09/the-little-engine-that-could.html", "tags": ["Health","Fun","Growth","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/05/morning-meditation.html", "title": "Morning Meditation", "content_html": "\n
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I'm loving this little corner. Plants, light, a quaint view. What a lovely setting for a cup of coffee and my morning musings. I like to set the tone of the day by reading something spiritually based…either my bible or a devotional of some sort. I especially enjoy reading Kristine Carlson's posts here on Facebook. She co-authored Don't Sweat the Small stuff with her late husband, Richard Carlson. Kristine has a wonderful way of breathing light into my mornings. Liz Gilbert of Eat, Pray, Love fame is another good read. There is always something thought provoking to get my mind up and running.

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The coming weeks will be filled with a project I have been carrying around with me for years. I have tubs…literally TUBS of photographs that I want to scan into my external hard drive. I cannot keep toting all this stuff around with me and I will not pay to store it nor will I pay to move it again. I want to be released from the burden of responsibility. Which makes me consider what I want left for my kids to deal with after I'm gone. I've come a long way in reducing the amount of junk they will have to go through merely by downsizing and moving. With facing another move, the rest will be distributed amongst interested family members and whatever is left will either be sold or donated. Really…it's time to get down to the barest of bones. I will feel so much better once I'm out from under it all.

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I'm heading to the farm today to pick up the first couple of tubs of photos. I'm looking forward to getting through them so I can move on to other projects. It's like losing weight and still eating the ice cream!

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❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/05/morning-meditation.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/01/a-different-time-a-different.html", "title": "A Different Time, A Different Place", "content_html": "\n
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It's fitting that I will awaken on New Year's Day in a new place. I moved into my friend's beautiful loft yesterday. She practices Feng Shui and I must say the energy in this space is amazingly clear and clean. There is \"happy\" oozing all over the place!

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I went out for dinner last night at the local brew pub with a relatively new group of people and it was quite lovely. They are energetic, upbeat, athletic. The food was wonderful, the service great, and the restaurant was abuzz with excitement for the busy night ahead.

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I went to the Post Office yesterday to get a PO Box and have my mail forwarded. This way I'll get my mail more than once a week. When the man gave me the box number, I was floored. It's the SAME mailbox my first husband had when he joined the service! I mean, the same box in the same post office in the same town. What are the odds???

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A new year. This time last year I was SO ready to turn the calendar over because then I could say he died \"last year\" instead of however many MONTHS it had been. I can say \"a couple of years ago\" now and not be far off. A line in the sand. A demarcation. A landmark. Time marches on…the sands of time blasting away the sharp edges of grief and smoothing them down into something far easier to handle. Yes, crossing this line in the sand is a good thing. Being in this space is a good thing. I am filled with endless possibilities!

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❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-01T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/01/a-different-time-a-different.html", "tags": ["Hope","Gratitude","Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/31/resolutions.html", "title": "Resolutions", "content_html": "\n
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I don't like resolutions. They represent change and, as a widow, I've had just about all of that I can stomach, thank you very kindly. \"The only thing in life you CAN count on is change.\" \"Change is good.\" \"If you don't change, the view will remain the same.\" Trite platitudes, at best. Besides that, how do I know what I'm going to want to be doing in August? I don't know what I want to do TOMORROW let alone set myself up for the inevitable failure of another ill conceived resolution. I prefer to choose a word to focus on instead of resolving to change even more things in my life.

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Losing Mr. Virgo was the tip of the iceberg. The trickle-down theory of grief fallout is the gift that won't stop giving…like a tub overflowing on the second floor and you can't pull the plug or stop the flow of water. Surprise! Your life will change in ways you never could have imagined. Bam! Smack! Splash!

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I made a huge leap of faith this year. I sold my house. I sold or gave away practically everything I owned. I left my family and friends to come home to care for my aunt. And totally secondary to that, I came home to say goodbye to the family farm. I had it pictured. Awesome antiques. A great garden. Chickens. Rain on the tin roof. Idyllic. Iconic. A fairy tale life. Then…change.

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The thing is, I had expectations. I had a script. I had a plan. I just assumed God had the same thing in mind for me. This change, while unpleasant, is not necessarily a bad thing. If my storybook scenario would have played out exactly as I had it in my mind, then the final goodbye to this farm would have been devastating. It would have left me bereft, yearning for something I am not destined to have in the long run. As it turns out, the reality of the situation has allowed me to view the farm (and my aunt, as it turns out) from a practical, realistic vantage point and not through the rose colored lens of nostalgia. I can see the warts, so to speak. This is not a bad thing. The timetable just got moved up, that's all. Change. It's slippery. Sneaky. It can take away so much, so fast. But it can also give such beautiful gifts if you don't cower in fear. If you face the winds of change head on, the fog gets blown away and you can see so much further.

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So here's my word for 2015.

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Grace…an attribute of God. \"The love and mercy given to us by God because God desires us to have it, not because of anything we have done to earn it.\" I resolve to face the coming year, with all of its changes, all of its challenges, all of its surprises with grace.

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Grace. I love that.

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Thank you for all your posts and excellent insights you've shared this year. Everyone benefits when you post, share, and interact with each other. You are all incredibly brave and strong and beautiful. Thank you so much for traveling along with me. Your love and support have helped me more than you will ever know! May each of you face the changes of the upcoming year with grace…in good health and prosperity.

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Happy New Year!

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Ginny

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❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-31T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/31/resolutions.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","The Farm","Growth","Grace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/28/sunset-on-christmas.html", "title": "Sunset on Christmas", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
\n\n\n

What a perfect day yesterday was. It was nearly 60 degrees with beautiful sunny skies and I was free in my way-cool pickup truck, flying through the mountains of West Virginia…the warm support and love of my extended family tucked safely in my heart to pull out when needed. Sometimes you have to go to your people and draw from the well to fill yourself back up. My heart feels so much better now.

\n\n\n

There will be difficult conversations ahead. I'm not good at those. I'm not good at confrontation. I don't think fast on my feet. All reasons God has put me in this situation, I am sure. He gives us opportunities to learn and grow and practice the necessary skills we need to get through life. These are skills most people have in place by this time. I don't know how I got to the age of 61 without them…other than it's just not my nature.

\n\n\n

I'm heading into town today to visit with a friend who is here for the holidays. I'll be checking out options for moving my camper. I also got my social security card in the mail while I was gone so now I can get my driver's license on Monday. Yay…another trip to the DMV!!! Plus, a trip to the social security office and my insurance agent. Then I can settle in and start going through these boxes of pictures and get them scanned into my external hard drive. Life is busy, that's for sure!

\n\n\n

❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/28/sunset-on-christmas.html", "tags": ["Grief","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/26/who-loves-ya-baby.html", "title": "Who Loves Ya, Baby?", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

I used to put so much stock in trying to make sure people liked me. When I think of all the times I jumped through hoops for approval, I cringe. I'd say it adds up to an awful lot of time wasted in angst over people, many whose names I no longer remember. This is one of the gifts that keep on giving from my starring roll in that blockbuster hit…\"The All American Dysfunctional Family\".

\n\n\n

I've been tap dancing in a little reprise version lately and have been in deep meditation and prayer over it for the last three weeks. It seems my aunt does not share my taste in art. It seems I forgot to show her the painting before I hung it. Big mistake. In my defense, we did discuss said painting. We just didn't close the meeting. I thought it was a go. She thought we were waiting for a quorum.

\n\n\n

Unfortunately, sometimes a mountain really does come from a molehill. (Just ask Molehill, WV what name they voted in as a change.) It started out as something small, then the next thing and the next till now there is trouble in paradise. Change does not come easily to a nearly 83 year old and turns out, 61 year olds have a little trouble too from time to time. It's looking like there will be a change in the living arrangements in WV before too long. I'm not going to go into the gory details. Suffice it to say, I am sad and disappointed. :-(

\n\n\n

On a lighter note, I had a perfectly lovely Christmas Eve. Dinner with friends, the candlelight service at church, a ride around looking at lights then back to their house for dessert. I stayed with a friend overnight and had a lovely breakfast Christmas morning. Went back to the farm and made sure my aunt had a good meal then headed to the Eastern Panhandle. I'm licking my wounds here for a couple of days. I'll keep you apprised.

\n\n\n

❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/26/who-loves-ya-baby.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Fear","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/20/its-christmas-time-in-heaven.html", "title": "\"It's Christmas Time in Heaven\"", "content_html": "\n
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This is the last picture taken of Mr. Virgo. It was Christmas morning 2012. Eleven weeks later, he was gone. This was the first Christmas he had off in 40 years. It was as if God was saying, \"He won't be here next year so I'll give you this one together.\" It was a beautiful day. One that will remain in my heart forever.

\n\n\n

I wrote this poem last year as a tribute. I thought I'd share it here again. So far, this year isn't quite as difficult as last year. As a dear friend of mine said, \"The very nature of a mine field indicates fewer and fewer mines will be found as they explode.\" I guess the trick is to not get blown up.

\n\n\n

❤

\n\n\n

\"It's Christmas Time in Heaven\"

\n\n\n
If only I'd have known
Your days on Earth were few,
I'd have spent each waking moment
Of my life with you.
\n\n\n
I would have taken pictures
To mark each passing day
Then I could see you when I want
Since you have gone away.
\n\n\n
I know you're up in Heaven.
I know you're there with God.
I know you're there with Mom and Dad,
But oh, this time is hard.
\n\n\n
It's Christmas time, my darling.
Times past were filled with glee.
But this year all I think about is
You're not here with me.
\n\n\n
No sneaky shaking presents.
There is no hug or kiss.
My heart just feels so empty.
It's you I really miss.
\n\n\n
It's Christmas time in Heaven.
I know this must be true.
Every day was Christmas Day
When it was spent with you!
\n\n\n

Copyright 2013 - Ginny McKinney - Marshmallow Ranch

\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-20T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/20/its-christmas-time-in-heaven.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Courage","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/17/poignant.html", "title": "Poignant", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

The holidays are rich with traditions and memories. When we have suffered a loss, the first major holiday is the worst. My friend and I were discussing this over dinner last night. They lost her father-in-law in September. She had tried to explain to her husband what this loss would feel like and he \"understood\". He totally \"got\" that it was going to be painful but \"at least he wasn't going to suffer anymore\". Then his dad died. And he was at a total loss. He couldn't understand why seeing candy corn at Halloween reduced him to tears in the grocery store.

\n\n\n

The thing is, unless you have experienced it personally, there really isn't any way you can honestly know what it's like to lose someone you love. And, each loss is different. It has always been my fervent hope that my writing can somehow prepare you for what comes after loss…even if it's just to understand that you're not alone, your grief is the worst grief, you are loved, and you will get through it.

\n\n\n

I was listening to music on my iPad as I flew yesterday. I called on Mr. Virgo and asked him to come sit with me for awhile. I searched my phone photos for those great pictures I have of him. I didn't feel sad, per se. I let him wash over me and felt his energy surround me in a cosmic embrace. My 7 year old grand daughter snuggled in bed with me Saturday morning and we talked about God and what happens to us when we die. She told me not to worry…that when we die it's just our bodies that leave. WE'RE still here. She told me Papa Dan is always with us, all around us, and she has seen him. I love that. Why do we beat that out of kids? They are so much closer to God than we are. They see the source. I try to keep that alive in myself and encourage it in others.

\n\n\n

❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/17/poignant.html", "tags": ["Grief","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/14/rebound.html", "title": "Rebound", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

Just as the lows strike you down, the rebound comes on it's heels and lifts you back up. But you still feel the bruises. You breathe in and out just as before. Your heart beats. You get up and put your feet to the floor. And even though you don't feel it, you've taken a tiny step forward on your journey. Growth hurts sometimes. Making the decision to move forward after the rough spots takes a great deal of courage. Speaking your truth to those around you can be extremely difficult because you just can't handle one more bit of drama and you especially don't want to hurt anyone. So you do your best, you get some sleep, and you pour another cup of coffee in the morning. One step, two steps, three…eventually it'll be automatic. Eventually it gets better.

\n\n\n

We are baking cookies today. I am looking for the spark. As my friend Vicky says, it's there…blow gently.

\n\n\n

❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-14T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/14/rebound.html", "tags": ["Grief","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/11/the-ritual.html", "title": "The Ritual", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

We pull into the cemetery. Three cars. We aren't together, but we are, you know? The red Honda pulls to the left and heads to the back west side. I turn right to the front east. The silver SUV drives past me and heads a couple rows to the north, Christmas carols escaping thinly in the dusky air. \"I'll Be Home for Christmas\". Sigh. Not this year. Not any year.

\n\n\n

We are here…members of a club we didn't ask to join. One to which the dues are far, far too high. We each set to the task at hand. Clearing away the last of the autumn leaves, straightening a cross here, an arrangement there. Quietly tending to those we loved…love still. Trying to make some sense of how another year could possibly have passed without them. \"Silent Night, Holy Night\".

\n\n\n

I carefully unwrap the solar Christmas lights and the silver garland I purchased on my way over. I decorate the metal garden piece I use to hang wreaths hoping the lights work. Mr. Virgo loved Christmas. It was his very favorite holiday and he took great delight in choosing the perfect presents and decorating our home. This year is different. The house belongs to a young family celebrating their baby's first Christmas. I drove by the house. It looks lovely. It looks like it belongs to someone else. That's ok..that's good. Still…memories flood back of Mr. Virgo standing on the porch to greet me in the flood of white light from the porch decorations when I came home from work. The smell of a good pork roast greeting me when I walked in. The warmth of his hug. \"It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year\". Sigh.

\n\n\n

It doesn't go away. Grief sits in my chest like a water level that rises and falls with the tide. Yesterday it spilled over the banks. Today is another day.

\n\n\n

\"O Holy Night\"

\n\n\n

❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-11T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/11/the-ritual.html", "tags": ["Grief","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/02/expectations.html", "title": "Expectations", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

I love \"A-Ha!\" Moments. That brilliant stroke of insight that comes when you set aside your ego investment and focus the microscope on your teeny tiny little mammalian brain. The rush of clarity knocks your socks off. Whenever I find myself sorely disappointed in something or someone, I have to sit back and ask myself, \"What was my expectation here?\" \"Was it realistic?\" \"What was my motive?\" \"What part did I play in the disappointing outcome?\" \"What could I have done differently?\" I have to be honest in this conversation. We are so quick to place the blame for our disappointments at the feet of someone else…to become the victim.

\n\n\n

Most of the time, our expectations are never verbalized. I don't know about you, but I have a tendency to picture exactly how a situation is going to play out. I envision entire conversations and base my reality on the preconceived outcome. It's very seldom that life mimics the interior screenplay that I've concocted.

\n\n\n

If I am brutally honest with myself (and you good people), when I projected my re-entry to WV, I envisioned something akin to a cross between The Waltons and a live rendition of Mother Earth News from 1968. I expected long stretches of time to read, write, and follow intellectual as well as artistic pursuits. I created scenarios. Imagine my disappointment when my aunt forgot her lines and ad-libbed from her own script! Expectations are the sand traps in the fairways of life.

\n\n\n

My \"A-Ha!\" moment came today when I realized my aunt and I don't really KNOW each other. We are 21 years apart. She was finished with college and teaching when I came along. She was living in another state. Up till 1990, we had only seen each other a handful of times. After that, we saw each other once a year when I came home to visit. We had never had long conversations like we have since I've been here. We were driving home from our shopping trip to town yesterday and I was talking about my dad. My aunt had no idea my dad was an alcoholic. That just stunned me. I thought everyone in the family knew that. I cannot expect my aunt to understand where I'm coming from when she doesn't know me. And vise versa. This allows me to replace expectations with hope. That sets everyone free and increases the happiness quotient.

\n\n\n

❤

\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-02T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/02/expectations.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/30/changing-feet.html", "title": "Changing Feet", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

I only open my mouth to change feet. Ever feel that way? A dozen words. Spoken while tired. Spoken without thinking. Spoken while grieving. They caused some hurt feelings which in turn caused a lashing out which caused my feelings to be hurt as well.

\n\n\n

I have been so occupied with making this move, getting settled in, and getting the house ready for winter. I guess I wasn't being as in tuned to my aunt as I should have been. Bless her heart. She has had this place all to herself for the last six years. I have tried to be sensitive to that, but I will have to try harder. This cannot be easy for her. To feel like you're losing control. And we are both very strong willed, independent women. We are bound to butt heads on occasion.

\n\n\n

Back up. Adjust. Move forward. Back up. Adjust. Move forward. This is life. It's like turning a camper around in a really tight place. You have to figure in the space, the length of the object, and go a little bit at a time. Oh, that is not an easy thing to do for my full-steam-ahead self! Patience. Breathe. Let go.

\n\n\n

On the plus side, I did find a stove with a pilot light today. They are as hard as hen's teeth to find! I finally found one by Hotpoint that I had to order from Lowe's. The electric goes out here on the farm so frequently, we really needed a stove with a pilot light. Eureka! <3

\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-30T14:09:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/30/changing-feet.html", "tags": ["Wisdom","Anger","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/10/a-conversation-with-my-dad.html", "title": "A Conversation with My Dad", "content_html": "

\"autumn “A conversation with my dad.”

\n

I had a perfect weekend. I say that a lot. “It was a perfect day!” “What a perfect sunset!” I can’t help it. It’s the eternal sunshine in my hopeful heart. The world is just so dang awesome! But I did have a great weekend. Friday night football with my high school buds after pizza at the local hangout. We won against our arch rivals. It was a dead even game and we won by a field goal with 2.1 seconds left on the clock! My friends and I remarked how we felt just like we did 43 years ago when we were last there. The only difference was, I was wearing my full length blue fox coat! It was 31 degrees and not all that far from the river…it was darned chilly in that stadium. Ok, I had a really awesome moment when the entire cheerleading squad dropped their mouths open as I walked by and this sweet little girl said, “Oh, my gosh! I love your coat!” The cheerleaders liked me! Wow! (giggle)

\n

I stayed overnight at one of my cousins’ house. We had coffee together Saturday then I took off for craft shows with another cousin. We had dinner out with their friends Saturday night. Yesterday morning we had coffee and sat around all morning sharing stories. I am so happy to be getting to know these cousins. Both sets. They come from my dad’s side of the family. My parents divorced when I was in my early twenties. I really hadn’t had as close a connection with my dad’s family as I had with my mom’s. It is very interesting talking with dad’s family now. He went on and remarried, quit drinking, found Jesus, and became a kind and gentle person in his community so they knew an entirely different man than I did. However, his interaction with me never changed and we had a very strained to practically non-existent relationship. Two sides of the same coin.

\n

For a long time after my father died, I was perplexed by the lack of resolution. Whenever I had tried to resolve things with him as an adult, he didn’t want to discuss it with me. He just wanted to forget the whole thing and I wasn’t enlightened enough at the time to realize how hard it was for him to express his feelings. By the time I had it figured out, he was severely demented and then he died and no resolution would ever come. Or would it? I figured it would do no harm to resolve the matter on my own terms so one day I sat down and rewrote history. I had a “conversation” with my dad. I told him exactly how I felt. I told him all my hurts. I cried and told him how much I missed having a daddy that wasn’t drunk all the time. I told him about his little girl that waited in the car on Christmas Eve while her mommy went in every bar in town looking for him to bring him home. I told him how much he scared me when he brought the gun in the kitchen. I told him I loved him and hated him and missed him and wanted his friendship all my life. I told him I was so jealous of the other girls whose Daddy’s were their champions and cheerleaders and best friends. And then I got quiet and I listened. And here’s what my daddy said to me:

\n

“Oh, honey…I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t the daddy you needed, the daddy you deserved. It wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your mommy’s fault. It was me. I didn’t know any better. I did the best I could with the knowledge I had, but I just didn’t know how my behaviors would affect you. I didn’t do it on purpose, and I’d take it all back if I had a do-over. See, I went to the South Pacific in the Army. I got really, really sick when I was there. I was afraid to drink the water so I drank beer…a lot. My dad drank a lot too…so this was what I knew. I started drawing pictures when I was away. I was pretty good. I wanted to be a commercial artist. Or a farmer. When I was stateside at Camp Pendleton, I met a woman named Virginia Cunningham. She was beautiful. She stole my heart and I wanted to marry her, but she said no. I was devastated. Your mom and I met when I came home. A boy had broken her heart, too. So we married, hoping our hearts would mend but they didn’t. You kids came along, responsibilities took over, and my dreams of being an artist and a farmer were long gone by the time you could walk. I coped with the only skill I had left and that was alcohol. I’m really, truly sorry, baby girl. I loved you every day of your life. I was always so proud of you. I told everyone about my Ginny and my beautiful grandchildren. I’m sorry I didn’t try to get to know them, or you. Please forgive me for not being there for you, your brother, your mom, your babies. I’ll make it up to you. We can talk about it in Heaven someday, I promise.”

\n

It’s ok, Daddy. I forgive you.

\n

<3

\n", "date_published": "2014-11-10T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/10/a-conversation-with-my-dad.html", "tags": ["Family","Forgiveness","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/08/fly.html", "title": "Fly", "content_html": "

\"creativity “You can’t use up creativity…”

\n

The more you practice something, the better you get…no matter if you’re painting, driving, parenting, meditating. A friend of mine invited me to do the 21 day free meditation series on the Energy of Attraction with Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey. I signed up and have faithfully done each of the first five days. I don’t know what it is about meditation. You’re supposed to ‘un-concentrate’, says my friend. Ok. Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think….I’m thinking. I’m thinking about not thinking. I’m thinking about the fact that it’s cold. I’m thinking about coffee. Mmmmmmm, nice hot, steaming cuppa Joe. Joe. I wonder what happened to him? He was going with…..oh, what’s her name? Anyway, she was really something. She was from Cincinnati. I have a friend in Cincinnati. Oooooh, Cincinnati Five Way Chili!!! Dang, that would be good today. It’s so cold. I need coffee!

\n

And on and on it goes. Deepak tells me if my mind wanders, just start repeating the Mantra again. Great. It’s in Sanskrit…not my language of origin. Let’s see…Shama Rambo Fufu? No, that’s not it. Rahma Llama Sutra? Ha! Rama Lama Ding Dong! No! Concentrate. Un-Concentrate.

\n

I don’t know. I’ll keep trying but I’m not entirely optimistic about my success. I have a friend who regularly goes to silent retreats. They are held at a beautiful monastery in Snowmass, Colorado. I always thought I’d like to do that but paying someone so I can be quiet for a week seemed a bit excessive to me. I could take TOW-Wanda up in the hills and be quiet for a week for a whole lot less. Oh, who am I kidding? Me? Quiet for a week? Not likely! Have you MET me??? lol

\n

I don’t mean to knock meditation. It’s been around a whole lot longer than I have. And I suppose when I sit and write, even when it’s lighthearted like today, it’s sort of like meditating. It centers me. It helps me connect to my core beliefs. It opens me to connect with the Divine. And…the more you use up, the more you have. I love that. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-11-08T02:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/08/fly.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/07/a-special-request.html", "title": "A Special Request", "content_html": "

\"we “We Rise by Lifting Others!”

\n

Twenty-two months ago, I started this blog and when the unthinkable happened, it became a grief journal. Unlike a journal kept by the bedside, mine has gone out to tens of thousands of people with the hope that it touches those suffering losses of their own. That it may be of some source of comfort to let others know they aren’t alone on their path through the barren landscape of grief. I have met some of you in person. I have conversed with some of you in a private chat. And even though I don’t KNOW you all, I feel as though I am surrounded by loving friends. You have sent me countless words of encouragement. You have no idea how much your support and prayers have helped me get through a terribly scary part of life and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

\n

I knew with the numbers rising in our little “family” here on Marshmallow Ranch, it was only a matter of time when one of our own would need us to support her. That time came last evening when Gloria sent me a private message. She gave me permission to use her first name. She has been doctoring a sore back for awhile and when it did not improve, they did an MRI and found a mass. Unfortunately, she has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer. They will jump right on this and get treatment started right away. She is trying to be brave for her six children. She lost her husband and they are so afraid of losing her, too.

\n

If I may ask this of you, please lift Gloria and her family up in prayer that she can beat this cancer. If you aren’t a prayerful person, please send loving light and good energy. We are all so small and scared when something like this happens. Let’s show Gloria our love and support! Thank you.

\n

Ginny <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-11-07T02:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/07/a-special-request.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Gratitude","Comfort","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/06/hakuna-matata.html", "title": "Hakuna Matata", "content_html": "

\"stop “Stop waiting!”

\n

Don’t worry…be happy. There have been times in my life when it was difficult to believe I would…or COULD…ever be happy again. Divorce was painful and made me sad. It was a terrible struggle complicate by rejection. Mr. Virgo’s death was worse. Unless you have experienced the loss of someone so close, no words I can ever write will make you really understand. I don’t remember much of the first year. I’m so glad I blogged through it so I can look back to see my progress. Eventually though, I made it through to the other side. Changed certainly, but not all in a bad way. I find when I meet new people now, I am so much more “present” than I was before. I have opened up more, which surprises me. I was afraid I would stay hiding in the corner of my pain forever and miss out on life’s joyous moments.

\n

Tonight was one of those wonderful nights you want to remember. One of my FB friends who lives in my hometown had a dinner party at her house and invited several of her friends to meet me. We met in person for the first time the night I drove into Parkersburg with my trailer three weeks ago and she let me park in her driveway. This is a diverse group of women and I thoroughly enjoyed meeting them. There was a nurse who works with children with developmental disabilities. There was a park ranger, a business owner, a woman who works for the government, a retiree, and a woman who co-owns a business making organic compost and raising worms. We are a mixture of divorced and widowed…middle aged and beyond. We share a common interest in outdoor activities. They bike and kayak so I’m going to be learning new skills!

\n

Happiness was elusive. Now that it has returned, I appreciate it so much more. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-11-06T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/06/hakuna-matata.html", "tags": ["Growth","Gratitude","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/05/dream-a-little-dream-of.html", "title": "Dream a Little Dream of Me", "content_html": "

\"dream “When loved ones come to you in a dream…”

\n

How many of you have dreamt of a lost loved one? Was it comforting or did it just make you sad? I’ve only had a couple of dreams of Mr. Virgo since he died. Both times I woke up feeling as though he was right there within my reach. The dreams were SO real. I was laying with my head on his shoulder and I could smell his cologne…hear his breathing…feel his heartbeat. I wish I could dream intentionally.

\n

Mr. Virgo and I would kiss goodnight and I’d say “Meet you at the cabin.” We both had this image of the perfect mountain getaway. We had described it to one another so many times, it seemed like a real place. So we would say goodnight and promise to meet each other in our dreams at the cabin. We never did, but it was so sweet to end the day with that image and hope. There have been countless nights I have whispered…asking him to meet me at the cabin. To come see me in my dreams. It doesn’t work that way. Pity, really.

\n

Imagine if you could. Wouldn’t it be comforting? Wouldn’t it be lovely to visit knowing you could do it again and again just by wishing it so? Part of me would love it. However, I would hate the waking up to find it was only a dream…the reality hitting me over and over that he is indeed gone. But…he’s only a heartbeat away. And we will meet again someday.

\n", "date_published": "2014-11-05T02:30:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/05/dream-a-little-dream-of.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Hope","Comfort","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/04/that-still-small-voice.html", "title": "That Still, Small Voice", "content_html": "

\"listen “Listen with your heart.”

\n

You’ve heard it. If not…you’ve felt it. That still, small voice that guides you. That gut instinct that cautions you. That “sixth sense”, “intuition”, “inner compass” that we all have. Listening to that Voice with my heart is a skill I crave to learn. All too often, I look back and recall hearing, but not heeding, the directions that were subtly handed down. For me, it is the Holy Spirit guiding me. And I’m stubborn. I want to do it my way. I don’t like to be “told what to do.”

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There are times that I can recall where it wasn’t just a gut instinct, a “feeling” I shouldn’t do something. I recall on those occasions hearing a voice…actually HEARING it, as if someone were standing right next to me. It made me jump. It was disconcerting, to say the least. I mean, we aren’t supposed to be hearing voices. But I heard it, nonetheless.

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Once was when Hubby #2 was in medical school. We had been arguing about something. Med school is stressful and we argued. Too much. I was sitting on the edge of our bed, crying, when a voice very clearly said to me, “Don’t worry…you’ll be happy when you’re 52.” Excuse me? Who said that? And what do you mean “when you’re 52”? I’m 30!!! Besides, I wasn’t necessarily UNhappy. At least, not that I was aware of at the time. Interestingly, I met (and fell madly in love with) Mr. Virgo when I was…52. Hmmmmm.

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Another time was when I was a smoker. I was going to sleep one night and clearly heard a voice say “You have to quit. And I mean right now. Not one more.” I would love to say I listened then but nicotine addiction is more powerful than heroin, so I have heard. But I did eventually so I hope it wasn’t too late.

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Once I was looking at my retirement account and was very pleased by the return that month when the same darned voice said “Get out. Now!” “Oh, no…..I did NOT just hear that! This was the best month EVER!” Yeah. You remember when the market crashed in ‘08? Uh-huh. Didn’t listen then either. Darn it.

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So what does this Voice have to do to get our attention? Would I have listened if perhaps I had heard a fanfare of trumpets? Was I waiting for a neon sign perhaps? Maybe a peppy rendition of “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”? How about a clap of thunder and a booming voice? I don’t think that’s how God works. When a child is having a temper tantrum or not hearing you, does raising your voice help? No. What usually works is squatting down at eye level and whispering. It throws them off guard. They have to strain to hear so they get quiet themselves. I think God whispers to us because we are so darned loud, so busy with whatever we are enamored with at the moment. He wants us to shut up and listen. He wants us to sit and be still and hear what He’s trying to say. Because He’s saying a lot. He’s talking to us all the time.

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The sweetest sound in the world is…the Voice of God. Even if you call that Voice your “woman’s intuition”, learn to be still and really hear it. Listen with your heart.

\n", "date_published": "2014-11-04T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/04/that-still-small-voice.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Grace","God","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/03/settling-in.html", "title": "Settling In", "content_html": "

\"west “West Virginia…Home of My Heart!”

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I had such a fun weekend! I went to town Saturday night and stayed over at my cousin’s house. I just adore him and his wife. Mike graduated from high school with me and we hadn’t seen each other in years yet we picked up right where we left off like no time had passed. I got up yesterday morning a went to a new church. They are at the kickoff of a major fundraising three year campaign and I had to laugh because Sunday’s service was much like tuning in to PBS expecting to watch a really great show only to discover it’s telethon time. :-) I’ll try them another time though. Nice people, good music, big church.

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After church I ran up to Marietta to an auction. I was disappointed there weren’t any quilts and not much else that I was interested in. Later I went to my old high school to buy tickets for Friday’s big game against our arch rivals. That ought to be fun! Then I went to visit friends in the afternoon and evening.

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My aunt wants to shop today so it’s off to town bright and early! Not a whole lot of exciting news for a Monday morning. Oh, my good friend Vicky put up her Christmas tree this weekend. Crazy girl! Mr. Virgo LOVED Christmas but even HE made me wait till the day after Thanksgiving to put up the tree. One year he kept it up till the 4th of July just because “the needles would NOT fall off that tree!” That was pre-Ginny. In Vicky’s defense, she got the tree at Goodwill for $10. She gets the most amazing deals! I used to love the thrift shops in Aspen. You could get incredible things for nothing. Haven’t had the time nor the inclination to thrift here…I still have stuff to donate! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-11-03T02:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/03/settling-in.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/31/brush.html", "title": "Brush", "content_html": "

\"brush “The Brush Pile”

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This is my project this week. My uncle was here on Monday and he made quick work with a chain saw and cut this all down along the creek banks. However, I couldn’t leave it there to clog up the culvert and provide a haven for critters too close to the house. I’ve been hauling brush every day since and I have a couple more hours worth of work to do and I’ll be done. I’ll burn it in the spring when the woods are wet and the brush has had a chance to age a bit.

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We have a couple of trees that need to come down. One is quite small but situated so that it would fall across the electric line should it come down on its own. The other is quite large and down by the road. I’m going to see if I can get a state road crew to come take it out of there. I have a picture of this place taken about 55 years ago. The hillsides were clear quite a ways up to keep trees from crashing into the house, buildings, and barn. Over the years, the place has really grown up and needs some serious pruning. I’m just getting the bare necessities done at this point and will worry about the rest come spring. Just have to batten down the hatches for winter at this point.

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I have a wonderful book that I read many years ago and recently purchased a newer edition. The Encyclopedia of Country Living by Carla Emery is a wonderful resource manual for living off the land. It shows you how to do everything you can possibly imagine on a homestead. I bought my first copy of it in the ’90s. I’ve dreamed of this lifestyle since the ’80s when I started buying Mother Earth News magazine. I’m falling into a rhythm now. I get my work done by 3:00 in the afternoon then I sit down and read this amazing book and learn and plan and dream. Then I write my post for the next day and schedule it to go live at 4:00am. Then it’s time to rustle up some supper. The 5:00 news is the next item on the agenda, not that I enjoy TV or the news but it’s something my aunt does, so I will adjust to the ritual. Sometimes I stay in the house and watch Jeopardy with her, but usually I go out to my camper and read, chat online with friends and family, or make phone calls. I’ve discovered an app on my iPad that plays ambient noises to cover the annoying sounds coming from the drilling over the hill. I can blend sounds so I have chosen crickets, rain, and distant thunder. I slept much better last night.

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Today is a trip to town to meet some of my high school friends for coffee. “The Wild Wonderful Wacky Women of ‘71” are incredible and I’m really looking forward to seeing them. We “talk” to each other every day on Facebook offering laughs, encouragement, prayers, support. It will be fun to get together for some live facetime!

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Today is also Halloween. Nine years ago today, my handsome Mr. Virgo called me at my little needlework shop and said he was in town doing his shopping and he was going to come into my shop to meet me. We had been talking for three months and so it was time to meet in person. He walked in and we took one look at each other and fell in love. I miss him so much. I truly do. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-31T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/31/brush.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/29/country-roads.html", "title": "Country Roads", "content_html": "

\"autumn “I love the way the trees change in West Virginia!”

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I hauled the brush from the cherry tree today. Then I gathered up my aunt and headed back on the hill. I wanted to see the old home place and to see if there’s any cell service on the farm. There is not, by the way, but it was a delightful drive. I love my new pickup truck! I put it in 4 low to get through some mud holes and “Free-da” went through it like butter! The colors are still beautiful, however we are predicted to get quite cold this weekend and the leaves will soon be gone. We may even get some of the “S” word in the form of flurries!

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When I got back from our little junket, I drove to “town”. When I say “town”, picture Mayberry. It is so fun! First stop was the bank then across the street to Berdine’s Five & Dime for a handful of Maple Nut Goodies….my late mother’s favorite candy. I love how tastes and smells can transport you across the ages. Next stop was the car wash to clean off the WV red clay mud off my beautiful white truck. Dollar General got some business as I stopped for kitty food and honey buns. Livin’ large here in the country! lol

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I stopped at the cemetery briefly on the way home to check messages. Today was the first time since I arrived here that I yearned to stop and visit with Mr. Virgo and drop off a rock for him. I still have the lock of hair that the funeral director gave me so I am going to find a quiet spot here on the farm where I can bury some of it and place a marker of sorts. Then I’ll have a place to go visit here as well. It is interesting that just a few weeks before he passed, we had a conversation about death and what we would want done. I asked if he wanted to be buried or cremated and he quickly answered “Buried!” I asked him why and he told me he wanted me to have a place to go visit him. I thought that was ridiculous at the time…such a waste of resources and space here on earth. However, once he was gone, I cannot tell you what comfort it has afforded me to go visit him where his body lies. I never dreamed it would be so. That’s why I think if I have a place here as well, it will offer me that same comfort. Funny what rituals do for us in our healing process.

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It’s my early day today…trash day! Pick up is at 6:15 and I’m going to put on a pot of soup beans and smoked ham hocks to simmer all day. Maybe I’ll make some hot rolls. I forgot to buy corn meal or I would make corn bread. I hope you enjoy your Autumn day! How is the weather where you are today? <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-29T01:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/29/country-roads.html", "tags": ["Family","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/26/the-sunll-come-out-tomorrow.html", "title": "\"The Sun'll Come Out, Tomorrow...\"", "content_html": "

\"october “October Sunshine in West Virginia”

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It did yesterday, it will today, and the next few days as well! Wahoo! I didn’t get to the apples yesterday. I did do my laundry and emptied a couple more boxes then went to town to the pharmacy, grocery, and out to dinner with a friend. It was a lovely day…except for the arrival of the dreaded Asian Lady Beetles. As soon as the sun hit the house and the temp hit around 60, those suckers swarmed out of the woods! I had hung a sweater out to dry. (Yes, we have a clothes line on the front porch. We’ve got one on the back porch, the back yard, and the side yard. We are big on solar and wind energy here.) Well, in 15 minutes the front porch looked like the fly scene from Amityville Horror! I couldn’t get out there fast enough and my sweater was covered. Ewwww! I shook the beetles off the sweater and their hooky little claw feet stuck to the fibers and when I shook harder they put out their nasty stink alarm and started flying all around and landing in my hair and I’m dancing all over the porch with the heebie jeebies! Ok, lesson learned. Screw solar and wind…use the dryer during the dreaded lady beetle season. (shiver) At least there’s a bug spray you can use now to keep them from coming in the house. Of course, I’ll probably grow a third arm in the middle of my forehead from it but that’s a small price to pay to keep those nasty little creatures outside.

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Ten years ago, I was here in January for my mom’s funeral. My mom’s other sister was living in Las Vegas at the time and met me in Charlotte. We came the rest of the way together and there was one double bed left at the farm. We had no problem sharing. The problem was, with nothing to create a chemical barrier, the house was literally infested with these rabid little ninja beetles that spent all night (and I mean ALL night) tip tapping on the ceiling and windows and walls and…us. We didn’t sleep at all because we were afraid our mouths would open and we’d breathe in one of those objectionable beasts! The next night we slept in town.

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I have been told they aren’t nearly as bad as they used to be…that there’s less of them and the spray at least keeps their numbers down in houses. Back in the day, folks would have to use shop vacs to clean them up…every day. And you’re thinking…why on earth did this crazy woman move there? Eh, in the end…they’re only bugs. They’re a stinky nuisance and they bring out a childhood fear of hard shelled beetles tip tapping on the ceiling at night, but it takes a lot more than this to rattle me much. Like say…that big barn spider in the toilet the other day…but that’s a story for another day! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-26T01:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/26/the-sunll-come-out-tomorrow.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Peace","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/24/old-mama-kitty.html", "title": "Old Mama Kitty", "content_html": "

\"old “Old Mama Kitty”

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This little gal has been the resident mouser around here for about 23 years. She spends her days on the front porch now, leaving the capture (and eventual presentation at our doorstep of many mice, moles, snakes, and bird)s to the younger generation. This summer there were three feral kittens and their mama who showed up and caused Old Mama Kitty all kinds of grief. We had to send the mother and two of the babies elsewhere and kept one little orange and white kitten to take over the mousing duties, leaving the old gal to take her much deserved naps on the lounge chair. We named her Little Bit because she was so tiny and dainty with such a quiet little voice. She was the one her mama brought from the barn and placed at my aunt’s feet. My grandma always said that the mama will give you the best kitten and she was right. While the feline matriarch will let my aunt scratch her back with her foot, Little Bit will climb up into your lap and purr like crazy. I’ve never been much of a cat person, but these two farm cats have captured my heart. Old Mama Kitty won’t be with us too much longer, but hopefully Little Bit will provide us with years of devotion.

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The neighbor’s golden retriever, Willy, is traipsing around my trailer as I write this. He’s young and sleek…a gorgeous deep reddish gold. His paws rustle through the leaves and I can hear him panting at the door, hoping I’ll come scratch him behind the ears. Thankfully, our road isn’t terribly busy. I’d hate it if something happened to him.

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Yesterday was really fun. I called up my younger daughter on FaceTime on my iPad and my nearly 83 year old aunt was mesmerized. We didn’t get a paper today so I pulled it up online and showed it to her. I chatted with my cousin’s daughter in the evening and found out she can FaceTime as well so we’ll get to see her baby. That must seem amazing to one who has never operated a computer. Not that my aunt is uneducated, mind you. She reads the top news and financial magazines every week. She was one of the first Head Start teachers in Washington, DC. She’s been around and is quite interesting to talk with.

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I had a totally indulgent day of rest yesterday. I believe I will get a few boxes emptied today. I have a barrel of apples in the cellar and I need to make some applesauce for winter days. Maybe I’ll bake a couple of apple pies. I also need to get out for a walk and enjoy the nice weather predicted for the next few days. I have the new Lehman’s catalog to look at and I’m going to order a seed catalog or two for planning the garden for spring.

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Today marks the end of my first week as a farm girl! I think I’m settling in just fine. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-24T01:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/24/old-mama-kitty.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","The Farm","Peace","Choices","Change","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/17/wild-wonderful-west-virginia.html", "title": "Wild, Wonderful West Virginia!!!", "content_html": "

\"west “Welcome to Wild, Wonderful West Virginia!”

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I crossed the Ohio River before dark singing “Almost Heaven….”!!! I went to a rest area and cleaned out the tanks. Headed straight to Outback to have a great big, juicy burger and fries, called my cousin and my aunt to let them know I’m here, texted the kids, and called a friend where I was invited to stay the night. I’ll head out to the farm today so I don’t have to drive in the dark on twisty, curvy roads!

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Now, here’s the deal…there’s no WiFi at the farm yet. Also, no cell service…so I’m going to be unplugged for awhile. There’s much to be done to settle in. My belongings will be delivered on Wednesday so I need to prepare a space to store it all. I need to figure out the best place for the trailer to be parked and get power to it. Much work to be done and I need to decompress. While I certainly didn’t push myself, the last few months have been fairly stressful. I’m going to enjoy some downtime with family and friends and I’ll catch up with you as I can!

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Thanks for traveling along with me. You all really kept me company during this amazing journey! I love you all!!! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-17T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/17/wild-wonderful-west-virginia.html", "tags": ["Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","goRVing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/10/dancing-in-the-rain.html", "title": "Dancing in the Rain", "content_html": "

\"dancing “Dancing in the Rain!”

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Well, ok…not literally. But I dance in my head. My brain is set to “Be Happy!” just about all the time. Until about 6:30 last night. I was preparing to take a shower when I noticed water standing on the floor in the bathroom. I followed it and found I have a big leak somewhere in the front driver’s side of the trailer. It rained SO hard here yesterday afternoon. It was really impressive. I think it’s either the seal around the door to the pass through under my bed or where the trim meets the body. I really don’t think it’s coming from the roof. I never had one bit of trouble with little TOW-Wanda. This is frustrating but it’s nothing that can’t be fixed with seals or caulk. I’m seriously considering making a stop at the Starcraft factory in Elkhart, Indiana on my way cross country!

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I am so excited for today! In the early days of Marshmallow Ranch, one of my readers and I struck up a conversation about loss and living a juicy life. She really wanted to do what I was doing in TOW-Wanda but lacked the confidence to do so. After awhile she decided if I could do it, so could she so she bought a trailer and joined Sisters on the Fly. I’m SO proud of her! I get to meet her today and tomorrow there is a meet and greet with some fellow Sisters on the Fly​! I can’t wait! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-10T01:30:11-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/10/dancing-in-the-rain.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","goRVing","Courage","Downsizing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/08/andim-off.html", "title": "And...I'm off!!!!!!!", "content_html": "

\"camper “On the road with TOW-Wanda Grande!”

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I can’t believe this day is here! I’m taking my time crossing the country this time. One of my Sisters on the Fly​ friends told me to pay the $50/day storage fee for my stuff when it gets to WV and take an extra week coming across. Good advice, Lisa!

\n

My mom died ten years ago and I made three round trips between CO and WV that year…by myself. I also brought my brother to CO from WV via Disney World! I came cross country the last time with a 17’ U-Haul towing my Toyota on a car hauler. I slept in the cab of that truck! This is total luxury having my house with me.

\n

I’ll keep you up to date on my travels but I won’t divulge specific locations real time for safety reasons. (You’re welcome, Patty et al!). <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-08T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/08/andim-off.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Camping","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","goRVing","Grace","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/08/perspective.html", "title": "Perspective", "content_html": "

\"Ford “My new truck! FREE-DA!”

\n

The night before I left on my Really Big Grand Adventure, I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. I was browsing through photos. That is how most of my posts are born. This photo was taken this past Monday. I traded in my Expedition for this uber awesome pickup. Every woman should own at least one pickup in her life!

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As I looked at my smiling face, I noticed my old car sitting in the background and I remembered…I bought that car 5 days before Mr. Virgo died. I bought it because we were going to buy a travel trailer (very much like TOW-Wanda Grande) and have some fun. Our last car ride together was spent holding hands in that car and planning our future. And now the car is gone. Poof! Just like that. And here’s the good part…that thought never crossed my mind when I went to trade it in. It was merely an asset…something of value to bring down the price of the new vehicle. Healing! Healing is an awesome thing!

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I stayed yesterday morning till the kids left for school. My non-hugger, quiet one came and hugged me three times. The strong, silent type. The little one had to be peeled off me but she didn’t cry…she just asked me to FaceTime with her…often! I didn’t cry either. Too incredibly excited!!!

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I drove a good long day. I stopped in Aurora at the awesome Bass Pro Shop and bought a GPS unit before I got out of town. I need someone to tell me WAY in advance where to turn and what lane to be in. Garmin to the rescue! I made it halfway to where I stopped for the night and fixed lunch at a rest area. Then I laid down for a power nap that lasted two hours! It is SO cool to have your house with you…it’s like a really BIG purse!!! I got to the RV park before dark and emptied my black water tank for the first time. It was NOT the big ordeal I thought it was going to be, thank goodness!

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I cooked a couple of scrambled eggs with turkey sausage crumbles for dinner. I went to the door to “flip” it over and promptly dropped half in the dirt in front of the steps! lol Ah, well…I guess I’m officially on that diet now! ;-)

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My first day as a “full timer”. Pretty darned neat! Thanking God for safe travels. Asking for better gas mileage! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-08T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/08/perspective.html", "tags": ["Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/07/perfection.html", "title": "Perfection!", "content_html": "

\"camper\" “Saying Goodbye to Little TOW-Wanda. This makes me a little sad!”

\n

I had a perfectly smooth day yesterday. I almost didn’t know how to act! I went to Columbine Ford in Rifle first thing. (Ask for Brandun Weeden and tell him I sent you!!!) I had called him on Friday when I was at a Ford dealer in Denver. I told him what I was looking at, and what they were offering, and asked if he could do better. He said he could and he didn’t disappoint! I got a year newer vehicle, with 30,000 less miles on it, with a 36 month extended warranty for about $4,000 less than I expected! Sweet! The only thing is, the truck doesn’t have nav or a back up camera. But I can deal with that. Thanks, Brandun!

\n

Then I went to the trailer place and lo and behold…the trailer wasn’t in the lot! The part came in, she works perfectly!!! And, look who I saw peeking around the corner while I was waiting. Little TOW-Wanda. It’s as though she knew I’d be there today and she came to say goodbye. (Ok, they were winterizing her, but it makes a great story. I’m all about the story!)

\n

I picked up the trailer and immediately hit the road. Got to Denver about a half hour after dark. OMGosh! That truck pulled TOW-Wanda Grande like she weighed nothing. Awesome job!

\n

I wanted to get on the road today but my oldest wants me to stay another day so she can see my trailer. And, I’ll go help her get her classroom together so that should be fun. She has been asked to open a special ed center in a grade school that doesn’t have one so she has accepted the challenge. Besides, another day of rest can’t hurt anyone! I’ll get there soon enough…at least this delay is MY choice! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-07T01:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/07/perfection.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Camping","Growth","Gratitude","goRVing","Grace","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/02/high-country-color.html", "title": "High Country Color", "content_html": "

\"trees “Color change in the Rockies”

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I drove over to Denver yesterday to give the trailer guys a break and to squeeze my babies! The colors were fabulous, even though it was a cloudy, rainy day with some snow. I stopped in Silverthorne at the outlet stores to buy a few cold weather items. It seems I packed and shipped almost all of my winter clothes thinking I would have been in WV by now. Duh! I arrived at my son-in-law’s parents’ house and promptly took a MUCH needed nap. Awoke to rain and thunder. Ahhhh, blissful rest and people who love me and offer up lots of TLC just what the doctor ordered!

\n

Update on TOW-Wanda: There is a wire to the motor for the right hand side of the slide that got pinched and severed. It’s a manufacturing defect because of the way it is exposed. My trailer dude spoke to the main honcho of production at Starcraft to make them aware of the issue so it can be built differently. You would think they could just replace the wire, but they do need to order parts. They should be in Friday or Saturday and I’ll be good to go, probably Monday! Wahoo!!!

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-02T01:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/02/high-country-color.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/01/change-of-plans.html", "title": "Change of Plans", "content_html": "

\"beginning “What feels like the end is often the beginning.”

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The trailer still isn’t fixed so I’m going to leave it here and head for Denver to see my babies. I’ll come back and pick it up when it’s ready. Same timeline …different order! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-01T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/01/change-of-plans.html", "tags": ["Family","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/29/love-and-gratitude.html", "title": "Love and Gratitude", "content_html": "

\"meme\" “Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.”

\n

I’ve been feeling particularly sentimental these last few days. Not in a “Maybe this isn’t the right thing to do” sort of way. More in a “OMGosh! I’ve been so incredibly blessed by God” sort of way. I have been surrounded by people who so obviously love me and that humbles me. I went to both services at church yesterday and my Pastor called me up to talk with him, to have me tell the congregation where I’m going and why, and to pray over me for my safekeeping. It was touching and the first time I’ve cried over leaving. I’m sure that I will cry next week when I have to leave my kids and grandkids but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I spent the weekend with people I love deeply. I am so richly blessed to have them in my life and, even though I am excited for this adventure, I will miss them terribly.

\n

Today is errands and tying up loose ends. The part should be ordered for the trailer this morning and overnighted to be installed tomorrow. The brake lights and turn signals also aren’t working so they need to check that out as well. Even though there are little things to attend to in the next couple of days, I have to tell you…it feels really weird to have NO huge projects looming. Well, other than driving cross country with “the behemoth” and emptying the U-Pack in WV and going through it all…AGAIN, and scanning all the photos and documents to an external hard drive, and writing my next book, and…. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-29T01:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/29/love-and-gratitude.html", "tags": ["Courage","Downsizing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/28/a-full-heart.html", "title": "A Full Heart", "content_html": "

\"change “Change”

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Last night I gathered a few people around me to share some love. My sweet brother. My sister-in-law came in from Salt Lake. My second ex-husband and his darling wife were there. My neighbors on both sides joined in as well as one set of their parents. A friend from Sisters on the Fly. A friend whose company I enjoy greatly. All these wonderful people gathered to celebrate. We celebrated my brother’s 63rd birthday and my ex’s 60th. And we embraced and shared our love for each other as I prepare in the next few days to head for parts east. We didn’t say goodbye…we said “see ya soon”! Some will come to WV to see me. Some I will see the next time I’m here in Colorado. I pray I will see them all again. It was a beautiful day and my heart is full of love. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-28T01:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/28/a-full-heart.html", "tags": ["Family","Love","Courage","Downsizing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/27/jeezopete.html", "title": "Jeez-o-Pete!", "content_html": "

\"belonging “Belonging”

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The U-Pack trailer was finally dropped off at 5:00 yesterday afternoon. My fabulous neighbors emptied all the plastic tubs into boxes so they would pack tighter while I emptied the trailer of all the items it took ten people to stuff in it Wednesday. Then three guys packed the semi while us gals went to buy dinner. OMGosh! They got everything in 5 linear feet of space in that trailer…it was amazing! I have very little in my car and TOW-Wanda Grande is packed like a house with just the things I’ll need for housekeeping. However…now the slide won’t go out! It worked fine at the lot. But now the motor on the left works but not the right. I took it in but it was too late in the day. They can squeeze me in at noon today and they will have a two hour window to diagnose and fix it. They have no time available Monday so if it can’t be fixed tomorrow, it may be Tuesday or Wednesday before I get out of here. Go figure! On the plus side, my sister-in-law got in from Salt Lake last night!

\n

When I was going through a really difficult time in my life, I began doing daily meditation to cope with the stress. It was no more than most women cope with…children, husbands, dog, house, bills. But I didn’t have a great set of tools in my toolbox to help me get through it. My learned set of skills for coping was alcohol (handed down from dad) and pills (handed down from mom). One day I was meditating and I had a clear vision. In this vision, I was in Glenwood Canyon, standing in the middle of the Colorado River in June at the peak of runoff. I was facing upstream and the river was rushing past me in a death defying whirl of whitewater that nailed me to the spot in terror. It was all going too fast and I needed to slow things down but I couldn’t. I spread my arms out wide and tried with all my might to hold back the mighty force of the river but I could not. I was exhausted. I was terrified. And I was sure I would die. Then I remembered what they taught me the first time I went whitewater rafting. If you fall out of the boat, don’t get caught underneath it. Kick away and turn around. Point your feet downstream, sit back, and let the river take you along with it. In my meditation, I leaned back into the mighty arms of the river and let it carry me away. The stress literally melted away from life every time I mediated on leaning back into the force and letting it carry me. I think this is why I do so well when all this life stuff keeps rising up and threatens to sink me. I’ll have none of that. Life is too short to spend it trying to control everything. And the view is much prettier looking forward! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-27T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/27/jeezopete.html", "tags": ["Grace","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/26/byebye.html", "title": "Bye-bye, 725!", "content_html": "

\"house “Bye-Bye, 725!”

\n

I parked TOW-Wanda Grande in front of my fabulous neighbor’s house Wednesday night and plugged in. I was so tired but really needed a bubble bath. My friend Terri came to get me and take me to her house. Got back and was too tired to fall asleep. I did finally sleep for a couple of hours but woke up at 1:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep so I just got up and started going through boxes and gathering stuff to take to the thrift store. I did manage to sleep for another hour about dawn. I had a doctor’s appointment at 8:30 then took the trailer back over to the shop because one end of the shelf over the bed wasn’t fastened correctly. My sales guy came out and said we had a more serious problem. When they hooked the trailer on Wednesday, there was too much slack in the power cable you plug into the back of the car and it got caught in the hitch and cut it in half. Fine…they fixed it. I went home and had no battery power in the trailer. Ok, call the trailer dude and he said the bring it back. The tech went through it with a fine toothed comb and finally discovered it was a faulty ground wire. It probably got pulled when the cable got cut.

\n

While I was at the trailer place the first time, my neighbor texted me. She had found a place online that will bring a trailer to your house. You pack it, then they drive it to your destination, you unpack it then they come pick up the trailer. Less than half the quote from the moving company. That takes a ton of pressure off of me at this point because I seriously whittled things down.

\n

Downsizing, especially for a “collector”, is a daunting, painful proposition. As your accumulations grow, you can tend to turn a blind eye to the fact that you are swimming in stuff. I am sure, even though I am reluctantly spending money to move, I will go through my stuff during my stay in WV. I will scan things and send the originals on for others to love. I will keep letting go as I am comfortable doing so. I’ll have things manageable and my family won’t be left with the monumental task I did with my mom’s possessions when she died ten years ago as well as my own accumulation over the last 6 months. This is seriously getting easier and easier! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-26T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/26/byebye.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Camping","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/25/from-little-to-huge.html", "title": "From Little to HUGE!", "content_html": "

\"two “From little to huge!”

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Awwww….lookie there at that wittle thing! TOW-Wanda Grande sure deserves that name! She’s a monster compared to Little TOW-Wanda. However, even with that great big size, only about 1/3 of my stuff that I so carefully sorted through and wore myself out packing will fit in her! My wonderful, beautiful, AWESOME neighbors let me store it in their garage and the next few days I will sort and weed and get rid of even MORE stuff. Every time I do this it gets easier and easier to let go of more. So, tonight I sat in the new trailer parked in front of my neighbor’s house. I listened to music. I breathed in and out. I listened to the crickets. I thanked God I don’t have to pay a house payment any more. I could rent a POD and move it, but there’s no room on the other side either. I’ll just let go. Let go and breathe. It’s easier by the hour. Honestly, I’m free so why would I want all this extra stuff???

\n

Other than that, everything went smoothly yesterday. The walkthrough was easy, the couple are darling, the closing was super quick and went without a hitch. So, all in all…it was a fabulous day! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-25T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/25/from-little-to-huge.html", "tags": ["Camping","Growth","Gratitude","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/24/being-mindful.html", "title": "Being Mindful", "content_html": "

\"mindful “Mind Full, or Mindful?”

\n

Although I have had moments of panic, for the most part I have been pretty well centered on this journey. I am beyond tired but I am so excited and happy to be moving forward that it’s not really hitting me. It probably will once I’m done today.

\n

The “hitch” with the hitch was rectified easily enough. My sales guy was off Monday and when he heard about what happened regarding the trailer hitch, was on the phone first thing yesterday morning reassuring me that he was going to make everything work exactly AS I wanted it, WHEN I wanted it. He called me five minutes later and said if I could be at the shop in 15 minutes, they could fit the hitch right away. He also moved appointments around so that I could come in this morning for the full walkthrough. Then the only thing left is the actual transaction after the closing and I will have my trailer by 3:30 this afternoon!!! He even offered to come help load it so the load will be distributed correctly and safely in the trailer and car. I was SO exhausted by 5pm yesterday, I gave in and called my dear friend, Deisy, to come help me for a couple of hours to clean the empty house.

\n

I am done. I am ready. It seems surreal. It seems like it took forever. It did take six months and that was long enough. By tonight, I will be free! Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your love and support, kindness and wisdom, patience and, well…..MORE patience! This has been an amazing journey of growth and letting go and it was made so much easier with you by my side.

\n

Addendum: (@2:30am…can’t sleep…too excited!) For those who have followed me for quite some time, you probably remember that I was Jewish from 1978 to 2004. I finally went through the formal conversion process when I was expecting my second child, who is now 24. As I head into this new world, this new life, I was reminded that Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, starts today at sundown. I love synchronicity! Shana Tova….may you have a happy, healthy new year!

\n

<3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-24T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/24/being-mindful.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Peace","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/24/and-the-winner-is.html", "title": "AND THE WINNER IS.......", "content_html": "

 

\n

 

\n

\"camper “And the winner is….”

\n

TOW-Wanda Grande, skillfully named by Vicki Owens from out in California!

\n

It was a really tough contest. There were so many names and they were all so creative. You all really put a lot into it and thought of who and where I am in this journey. It was SO fun to choose! In the end, I walked around all day trying this name and that name and nothing rolled off my tongue like my beloved TOW-Wanda. And she’s all grown up! It’s a clever nod to my Colorado life as well as my Starbucks order! Very cute Miss Vicki. So, go to Buffalo Baking Co.​, introduce yourself to the head baker gal, Patti. She will gladly take your order! And remember, this month she is running a fund raiser for Suicide Awareness Month so 50% of the proceeds goes to charity. I know this sounds like a shameless plug for Buffalo Baking Co., and it is because Patti is a ROCK STAR, but in all actuality…her Cowboy Cookies are AWESOME!!! Just sayin'.

\n

Thanks again for playing along!!!!!

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/24/and-the-winner-is.html", "tags": ["Camping","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/23/breathe.html", "title": "Breathe", "content_html": "

\"inside “Inside the camper.”

\n

You know it won’t go quite as you plan, right? It never does. I stopped in at the trailer place today, just to see how things are coming along. Good thing I did. Nothing has been done. My salesman was off but the owner was there. I went over the things that needed to be done pointing out that this needs to be ready in less than 24 hours because this is now my house. I went down the list and when I got to the weight distribution hitch, he said “Well, you DO have the weight distribution receiver on your Ford, right?” I told him I didn’t think so. He said his shop was booked out two weeks in advance and he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to do this but sure wished he could. Excuse me? I’m about to drop some serious coin in your lap but you’re not sure you can accommodate me??? Oh, I’m going to have to kick butt and take names today. Because, as you know…nothing goes quite like you plan. My plan was to close, buy the trailer, then get back to the house and load up. Not gonna happen. I’m going today to rent a U-Haul, load my boxes in it and park it across the street, then switch it to the trailer when that part is done. Breathe. Just breathe.

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-23T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/23/breathe.html", "tags": ["Camping","Downsizing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/22/condensation.html", "title": "Condensation", "content_html": "

\"garage\" “Downsizing”

\n

Sixty-one years have been condensed down into what you see here…half of which are photos and ephemera from the family archives. Had I spent the last three winters scanning documents and pictures, my load would be lighter. My biggest accomplishments were whittling down my massive collection of books to one Rubbermaid tub and getting kitchen essentials down to two dishpacks. I feel good about what I have kept, although I am pretty sure as I live in my trailer for awhile, I’ll get rid of more. This has been the singular most liberating thing I have done in my life. I am pared down to only those things I love and that are useful to me. I am amazed sitting here on the step of the landing, looking at my empty house, and I am genuinely so excited I’m giddy! I will never have to be a slave to a box again. Fourteen years ago I was scared to death at the thought of not owning my own home. I was newly separated after having been a doctor’s wife for 21 years. I was pretty “advantaged”. I have grown so much in those fourteen years but It’s the lessons I’ve learned in the last year and a half that will get me through. Life is so amazing and big and full and juicy!!! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-22T01:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/22/condensation.html", "tags": ["Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/22/my-bliss.html", "title": "My Bliss", "content_html": "

\"rainbow\" “My Bliss”

\n

My view out the kitchen window of TOW-Wanda…in between rain showers today. While I should be inside wiping down baseboards and vacuuming, I am taking a much needed break this morning…tucked into TOW-Wanda, listening to the rain on the roof, catching up with correspondence, journaling, enjoying the views out the windows of a neighborhood I truly enjoyed living in, and letting the joyful memories wash over me. This is just as important as the cleaning and packing. This is my bliss. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-22T01:30:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/22/my-bliss.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Camping","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/17/when-it-rains-it-pours.html", "title": "When it Rains, it Pours!!!", "content_html": "

\"when “When it rains, it pours!”

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Ok, kids….after sitting around for months, after having the ups and downs of contract/no contract/contract, after coming back with requests for a new water heater and money off for other repairs (which I refused)…the buyers have not only agreed to everything, but now they want to move the closing up from 10/8 to 9/24!!!! That’s, like….a week from today!!! Holy cats!!!! Soooooo….I’m not sure I’m going to be on here much in the next few days. I’m really, really glad I’ve been sorting and purging and packing all along because there’s really not all that much left to go through. Still…holy cats!!! Pretty excited though!!!! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-17T01:30:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/17/when-it-rains-it-pours.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Courage","Downsizing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/15/labels.html", "title": "Labels", "content_html": "

\"label “Labels”

\n

For a long time I was in search of a label. When I was in high school, I wanted to be “popular”. When I was a young wife and mother, I wanted to be “perfect”. When I was struggling with the mental health issues of depression, I wanted a “diagnosis”. I needed a compartment…a box that I could easily fit into that would define who I was because I had no clue.

\n

Years later, when I was well and happily remarried, I realized I didn’t need any labels…that I was “free to be”. I learned who I was and while I was happily “Christian”, “wife”, “mother”, etc. I no longer needed, nor desired, someone else’s definition of ME. And then it was gone in a flash. With Mr. Virgo’s death came a label I didn’t ask for and I certainly didn’t want.

\n

“Widow”. I became a widow. I sat with it in my lap for a while, holding it like an ill-fitting hand-me-down that didn’t suit me but I didn’t want to offend my benefactor by rejecting it outright. I mean, I was supposed to wear it, right? For awhile, I certainly felt the effects. In the acute phase, I was inconsolable. Then I was angry, withdrawn, crazy, desperate, lonely, lost, euphoric…up, down, in, out. It was mayhem. But it always led me back to what to do with this label.

\n

When I was in therapy (and believe me, I was “in therapy” for a while when my second marriage had tanked) I walked into my psychiatrist’s office after having read the umpteenth self-help book on the mental illness du jour. I sat there and ran off the list of symptoms I had read about in that particular book and proposed that maybe THAT was what was wrong with me. I was still in search of the label because if I had a label, maybe I could fix it. I remember clearly…he sat back in his chair, tented his fingers, pursed his lips, and said, “You know, Ginny…at some point you’re just going to have to go out there and live your life.” I sat there in stunned silence, digesting these words. This invitation to freedom. In a very short time, I dropped out of my chosen career field of “victim/patient” and moved on to bigger and better things.

\n

Dealing with this label of “widow” is feeling much like that tipping point in the psychiatrist’s office. I am finding it much more joyful to wear “happy”, “free”, “artist”, “traveler”, “writer”, “bohemian”. Trust me…I’m fully aware that my husband died, but that no longer defines who I am. HE died. I didn’t. I know that sounds heartless…blunt…but it’s true. I can wring every drop from this juicy life I’ve been given and still give Mr. Virgo the proper respect. And I can live life with joyous abandon. Without self-imposed guilt. My great grandfather used to say “It’ll stop hurting when the pain goes away.” I never understood that till now. Now that the pain is starting to subside. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-15T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/15/labels.html", "tags": ["Growth","Comfort","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/14/the-unbroken-circle.html", "title": "The Unbroken Circle", "content_html": "

\"gravesite\" “Mr. Virgo’s Grave”

\n

Two weeks after Mr. Virgo died, I bought TOW-Wanda…my little travel trailer. For those of you who are relatively new here, you may not know, my husband, aka Mr. Virgo, and I were standing in a travel trailer picking one out when he had a heart attack and died in March 2013. I needed to put something joyful in front of me or I wasn’t going to make it. TOW-Wanda to the rescue! Once the weather warmed up, I took off for three months and traveled alone to start walking through my grief journey. Everywhere I went, I picked up a rock to bring home to place around Mr. Virgo’s grave. When I got home, I took them up to the cemetery and told him about the places I had seen and what I had done and placed each rock next to the one before.

\n

Somewhere in the summer of 2013, a thought began to formulate. I had a feeling that things would be a lot better by the time the circle was complete. Sometimes I forgot to bring back a rock so I would pick up one from a pile nearby. But, one by one, bit by bit, the rocks made their way around the grave and…on his birthday, just two days shy of 18 months…the circle was complete. It was whole. Just as I am whole. Different, yes. Still wounded? Of course. But I’m good. I’m strong. I feel joy. I live life. I miss him like crazy and I’m ok alone. Dichotomy.

\n

I have a dear friend named Vicky. Vicky is a grief counselor and a widow of seven years. She is a wise woman and very skilled at what she does. She has this amazing way about her that provokes you to look at the tough stuff without holding your feet to the fire. She can ask one question and eliminate a couple of hours of tap dancing around. I love her for that. Last night she pointed out that we categorize and organize our pain in order to make sense of the senseless. She is so on point there. It’s like running your emotions through the Dewey Decimal System and assigning a number for this and filing it there. It’s crazy but it keeps us sane. And now I’ve reached a benchmark…a milestone…a point of reference to be looked back upon as a turning point. I can move forward a little easier now. When the house is closed, the papers are signed, and I have the check in my hand…I will be free. I will owe no one a single thing. Then, I will be a true bohemian!

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-14T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/14/the-unbroken-circle.html", "tags": ["Family","Travel","TOW-Wanda!","Growth","Grace","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/11/073038.html", "title": "9/11/01", "content_html": "

\"change “The Day The World Changed”

\n

The day the world was forever changed. There are moments in life when something so monumentally shifts that it will be forever burned into our hearts and minds. We remember where we were, what we were doing, who we were with. JFK, Martin Luther King, Bobby Kennedy…all engraved within us.

\n

September 11th dawned a typical Colorado blue blaster day. I met my friend, Sue, for breakfast at the Wild Rose Bakery in Glenwood Springs. When she walked in, she asked if I had heard the news. Something about an airplane hitting one of the Twin Towers. We both pictured a small plane, perhaps a medical emergency resulting in an errant course. No one could possibly imagine a commercial flight being flown purposefully into occupied buildings, let alone two and a third driven to the ground. It wasn’t in our database. When we realized something serious was happening, Sue and I decided to go home and watch TV. We stayed there for days, weeks, months…stunned. We walked out into the streets and held each other. We offered comfort and were comforted. The world got a group hug. I remember such shock the first time I heard of a crime being committed after 9/11. Didn’t they realize we were mourning the results of heinous behavior? How DARE they!

\n

Thirteen years have passed. Heinous behavior continues to amaze us. ISIS wasn’t in our collective vocabulary a few months ago. Yet, here we are. Walking out on the street, hugging people. Let’s not forget what it felt like to draw near to others…to support and love each other. We must remember the fallen and the brave souls who went to their aid. We mustn’t forget our humanity, even in the face of monsters.

\n

It is Patriot’s Day. We must remember why.

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-11T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/11/073038.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/09/scales-lie.html", "title": "Scales Lie", "content_html": "

\"scales “Scales Lie”

\n

Well, they tell you the truth about gravitational pull, plus or minus a bit unless you have an expensive scale. But your typical bathroom model is going to eat you for lunch and spit you out if you go near it. We have long, long ago been indoctrinated that the number you see on this magic box is directly and irrevocably tied to your worth in the world. We’ve been told that less is more. That thin is in. That boys don’t go out with fat girls. That fat girls are somehow “less than” their thin, willowy counterparts. I’ve got news for you…just in case you are reading this and you are under oh, say…55 years old. Other than for health reasons, you are perfect with your curves and your comfy tummy. The other day, a dear friend of mine made a comment how good I looked. In his well meaning way, he said, “You’ve lost a ton of weight.” which to full figured women translates to “You were looking really bad…I’m SO glad you got a grip on that tire you were carrying around!” Why do we DO that to ourselves? Why do we let others do it to us? I will tell you what he was noticing though. I went to Victoria’s Secret and got fitted for the absolutely PERFECT bra and now the girls get the attention and not my beautiful hips!

\n

I’ve been stress eating all summer. I’ve been working hard lifting boxes and furniture so my loving friends are pointing out that muscle weighs more than fat. Aren’t they precious…bless their hearts. But I haven’t been bench pressing the sofa. I’ve been indulging in WAY too much ice cream and WAY too many trips to McDonald’s in a desperate attempt to keep my kitchen clean. I can’t remember the last time I dug into a plate of veggies or a great salad. My latest cholesterol results shocked my doctor into a change in medication. I know it’s temporary. There isn’t a McDonald’s within 30 miles of the farm and I’m going to be cooking for my aunt. She doesn’t like much meat and that will help me trim back. Also, I just love walking out the country road from the farm so it won’t be long and I’ll be back to my fighting weight. But I’ll never be without my curves. They are just a part of me that I’ve come to know and love.

\n

In the meantime through, I’m not apologizing for those curves. Just like I’m not going to apologize that I have too many crowns and I don’t floss enough. Or that I would rather sleep in my trailer than in a house….ANY house. It’s just me and who and what I am…take it or leave it. I don’t look away from the mirror when I walk by…I say “Hello, gorgeous!” And mean it!

\n

Don’t let anyone talk smack about your best friend…and don’t you do it either. You ARE your best friend and you are beautiful!

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-09T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/09/scales-lie.html", "tags": ["Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/08/holy-pressure-cooker-batman.html", "title": "Holy Pressure Cooker, Batman!", "content_html": "

Condensing my kitchen into two dishpack boxes today. Three sets of dishes that were gifts from Mr. Virgo have to come with me. My Kitchenaid mixer and my uber fancy coffee grinder made the cut. My knives and specialty tools must be included. Holy pressure cooker, Batman…this isn’t easy! :-/

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-08T01:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/08/holy-pressure-cooker-batman.html", "tags": ["Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/06/fear-false-evidence-appearing-real.html", "title": "Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real", "content_html": "

\"sunflowers “Sunflowers on Storm King”

\n

Byron Katie does a self-investigative dialogue called “The Work”. The directions are simple. “Judge your neighbor, write it down ask the questions then turn it around.” The questions are:

\n
    \n
  1. Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3)
    2. \n
  2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no)
    3. \n
  3. How do you feel/act when you believe that thought?
    4. \n
  4. Who would you be if it wasn’t possible for you to think this thought?\nThen you turn the thought around and find two or three genuine examples of how it is true for you in this situation.
    5. \n
\n

This is a really powerful tool that I have used many times to work through things. Let’s use a hypothetical situation.

\n

“My husband never listened to me.”

\n

1). Is it true?

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Well, I told him things and when the time came to do them he had no recollection of having had the discussion.

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So, yeah, it’s true.

\n
    \n
  1. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
    2. \n
\n

Well, no. I don’t absolute know what’s going through another person’s mind.

\n
    \n
  1. How do you react/feel when you have the thought “My husband never listens to me?
    2. \n
\n

Well, frankly it pissed me off and made me feel unimportant.

\n
    \n
  1. Who would you be if you didn’t have that thought?
    2. \n
\n

I’d be free to enjoy my husband without being mad at him for “not listening to me”.

\n

Now, turn it around.

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“My husband listens to me.” Is that just as possible?

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“I don’t listen to my husband.” How does that fit you? I mean, it’s hard to hear someone when your brain is busy screaming at him for not listening.

\n

The Work is not about changing your thoughts. As a matter of fact, Katie frequently reminds you she isn’t asking you to change your mind. The Work is all about opening your heart. The change comes when your heart opens.

\n

Look up Byron Katie on Google. The Work is the simplest tool I have ever used.

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-06T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/06/fear-false-evidence-appearing-real.html", "tags": ["Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/04/argh.html", "title": "Argh!", "content_html": "

\"messy “And I thought this was getting under control!!!”

\n

I’ve worked in here for two weeks since the last picture and it STILL looks like this! But it’s getting organized anyway. Most of what I’m taking with me is in plastic tubs and a few boxes for easy packing/shipping. Progress!!!

\n

I wrote today’s post and hit send instead of scheduling it for 4am like I always do so I thought I’d do another quick one.

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-04T01:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/04/argh.html", "tags": ["Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/03/mr-virgos-bluebirds.html", "title": "Mr. Virgo's Bluebirds", "content_html": "

\"bluebird\" “Mr. Virgo sends me bluebirds. First, at his grave. Then…everywhere!”

\n

I was sitting at the cemetery yesterday morning enjoying my morning coffee and having breakfast with Mr. Virgo. It was a perfect Colorado blue blaster day…not a cloud in the sky. I was reminded of a time last year when I came here. I was sitting in the car beside his grave, crying my eyes out. I felt so alone and asked God and Mr. Virgo to send me a sign every time I come so I know they’re out there watching over me. I don’t know if Mr. Virgo sees me, but I do know God does. As soon as I made my request, I heard a bird singing close by. I turned and there was a bluebird sitting on the post right beside me singing away and looking at me, cocking it’s head this way and that. Now every time I go to the cemetery, at least one bluebird comes to this post and sings to me. Yesterday, for about five minutes, there were several of them all around me. I sat there with the door open and they even came and sat on the door and the rear view mirror! And see who came to sit on my post? It was so beautiful. And just as fast as they came, they were gone. I always feel closer to Mr. Virgo when they are nearby. Now, the true test will be if they come to see me in WV. Or maybe I won’t need them as much. We can’t test God like the fleece in the Bible. But I love, love, love it when He shows me He is there. It is always personal. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-03T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/03/mr-virgos-bluebirds.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Comfort","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/02/oh-how-times-change.html", "title": "Oh, How Times Change", "content_html": "

\"photo\" “Commemorative Photo of 40”

\n

Ok, who had a boudoir photo taken? They were all the rage in the ’90s. I had to have one! Partially because I’m such an….ummm, extrovert! But also because at any given moment, we are the youngest we will ever be. This was taken when I was turning 40. I wanted to memorialize that static moment in my life when everything was perfect. My marriage, my family. My body, my hair. I was in the best shape of my life. My little girl was 4. My big girl was 20. I remember lovely afternoons stitching with my girlfriends, not a care in the world. Planning dinner parties was a monumentous occasion. This was before the ravages of depression and Prozac took away my youth. My ex-husband kept this photo on the wall in his office. It was the Camelot years.

\n

Then everything changed. I had three major surgeries in less than two years. I didn’t bounce back well. I started down the rabbit hole of depression and didn’t come back for ten years. When I got back, life had gone on without me and my marriage was over. My ex had taken this picture down and put it in a drawer in his desk. I didn’t look like that beautiful woman anymore. I didn’t bathe or get my hair done. I gained a hundred pounds. I lived in shorts and an oversized t-shirt without a bra. Those were the Prozac years. I don’t remember my forties.

\n

The story has a happy ending though. I turned my life around after my ex and I separated. I found my Prince Charming and married him. I had such a beautiful life. That was my fifties. Those were my passionate years.

\n

And now, here I am at the opening credits of a new movie. A new decade. A new era. I am very much at peace. Sure, I suffered a blow. My world literally changed in a heartbeat…or the lack thereof, actually. But I refuse to wear widowhood like sackcloth and ashes. I will not make grief a career path. These are my halcyon years.

\n

I look at this picture and as far as I’m concerned, I still look like this. Ok, my hair is gray (and not permed). Parts of my anatomy have headed south. Things aren’t as tight as they once were. I like to think my inner beauty was so great, it fought to get out and my skin expanded to accommodate all that lusciousness! Look at that picture again. That’s who I am inside. Beautiful. Sultry. Young. Wow!

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-02T01:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/02/oh-how-times-change.html", "tags": ["Family","Gratitude","Grace","God","Fear","Forgiveness","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/01/happy-labor-day.html", "title": "Happy Labor Day!", "content_html": "

\"september “Hello, September!”

\n

I love it when you get the opportunity to correct something right away. I was at church yesterday talking to one of the greeters. I told her how the initial contract fell through and she asked me what happened. I was just about to say something uncomplimentary about the people who walked away from the contract when I turned around and there they were! I had invited them to come since they were just returning to the area after being away for awhile. So, what did I do? I told my friend…“Don’t you just hate it when you want to be bad, but you have to be good?” I excused myself, went up to the couple, welcomed them to New Hope, gave her a warm hug, and told her I really hope they find the perfect house for them. She said she was worried for me because she knew I was in a hurry to get out. I told her there wasn’t a problem because the house was under contract less than 24 hours afterwards. I told her I held no ill will and wish them the very best. And so…there it is. An opportunity taken and it felt good.

\n

I sold my bedroom set, the breakfast table and chairs, and the TV console to my neighbor today. So glad they will have them to enjoy. I also sold the baker’s rack. The gal texted me after she got it home and said it doesn’t fit the space and did I want it back. I told her no so she put it on one of the local swap sites here on FB for $25 more than she paid me for it! Entrepreneurial spirit right there! lol

\n

I had a beautiful day yesterday. After church, I worked on some boxes, played with my neighbor’s dogs, watered my friend’s plants for him, took a short power nap, and met a friend for dinner. I signed up to go with Sisters on the Fly​ next weekend for a fun camping weekend. Can’t wait…I need a break from packing but more importantly, I’ll get to see my babies! I’m planning a combination Going Away and dual birthday party on the 13th so that will be fun. My sister-in-law is coming from out of state, too. Life is good!

\n

I slept in the house night before last. I didn’t like it. I tried again last night and ended up going out to my trailer at 2:00am. It’s not because of any stirring up of memories or anything bad. I’ve just become so accustomed to sleeping as close to “outside” as I can get without actually sleeping in the open. I love the coziness of TOW-Wanda. The bed is THE most comfortable one I have ever had. I love the window right over my head. I have always been a terribly light sleeper. My doctors put me on a non-narcotic, non-addictive sleep aid years ago. I slept with ear plugs because I could hear a fly dying on the windowsill on the other side of the house. In the last few weeks I have seen a profound change. When I was in WV, I took my sleep aid and popped in my earplugs the first night and almost had a panic attack. What would I do if my aunt needed me and I didn’t hear her or didn’t wake up? So I stopped both. It took three or four nights to get used to it and all of a sudden, I started sleeping better than I can remember. I still have a night here and there where I have trouble getting to sleep but it’s a vast improvement. This is the calm water. This is the time that I cherish. That time between the waves of grief. The waves are farther apart and are often less intense. Feeling the healing…it’s a beautiful thing. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-01T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/01/happy-labor-day.html", "tags": ["Grace","God","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/31/no-fear.html", "title": "No Fear", "content_html": "

\"fear “Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life.”

\n

Ok, I have what appears to be a solid contract. I’m getting the ephemera down to a manageable level…key word - getting. Now it’s time to let go of my furniture. I have been very proud of my furniture. A few pieces were bought new. I have never had such good quality furniture in my life and there are pieces I love. Like the little round breakfast table and four chairs. And the red painted cabinet. The sofa is rich red and gold, down filled, huge, and comfy. While the bedroom set is way too big for the bedroom, it is beautiful and impressive…and from Mr. Virgo. But, these things can’t go with me. In order to take them, I would need to have them moved or make two trips or have someone drive my car with TOW-Wanda and I’d follow with a U-Haul. There are several reasons these are not viable options, the biggest of which are the expense involved and the lack of room in the farmhouse. Mine isn’t “farmhouse” furniture anyway.

\n

This leaves me with sorting out my feelings again…a never ending process on this journey. Of course I have an emotional attachment to my things. They are a part of the picture of my married life. They are the props to my life story with Mr. Virgo. But they are only things. Things of this world. Scripture tells us not to be in love with the things of the world….the material things. Because these things pass. They are fleeting. I am not defined by the objects I carry with me. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying comforts and beautiful things. But as the old adage goes…you can’t take it with ya. My kids are taking what they want and storing what they can for me, particularly a large tryptic painting we had commissioned, a curved front curio my uncle found in a barn, and my mom’s cedar chest. My roll top desk the same uncle gave me has gone to my ex-husband because he loved it so much and eventually one of the kids will get it so it stays in the family. I have invited people I know and love to see if there is anything they want to buy before I offer it to the public.

\n

I am being particularly careful to NOT say things like “I’ll never have such nice furniture again.” because that is a direct order to the universe to deliver. Instead, I am opening my hands and letting go of the things I held onto so tightly. I’m letting go of them with love so they might bring joy to others. I am thanking God for letting me have the use of them for so long and for the money they will bring. This frees me of the burden of carrying them back and forth or the expense of storing them. It frees me of the worry that someone might break in and steal them. And I know the universe (which is to me, God) will provide for me and I will live in abundance no matter what situation I might find myself. Abundance is so much more than stuff. It’s the wealth of love, hope, strength, and courage in every situation. I may not have a ton of money, but I’m wealthy beyond belief! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-31T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/31/no-fear.html", "tags": ["Fear","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/30/chaos.html", "title": "Chaos!", "content_html": "

\"deepak “All great changes are preceded by chaos.” Deepak Chopra

\n

And….we’ve got another contract!

\n

I think this one is a winner! A young couple with a brand new baby born one week ago put a contract on the house yesterday. A little more money than the other offer but that didn’t seem to be the bottom line in this transaction.

\n

I got the offer first thing in the morning. My initial instinct was to counteroffer…again. But I forced myself to sit still and feel what I was feeling in my bones and ask myself some important questions. Which would feel better….asking for more money or being grateful a lovely young family would live in my house? If they couldn’t afford more money and they walked, how would that make me feel if I had to sit and wait several months on another buyer? Was that little bit more really worth it in the long run? If I resorted to renting it again, am I willing to run the risk of damages to the house and lawn? Am I willing to worry whether the renters would pay the rent? What if there was a major repair or appliance that needed replacing? Where would that extra money come from? When it comes down to it, my initial investment in this house grew substantially bigger than it would have in some other investments I could have made. And…it’s not all about the money and it’s not all about me. This young family is thrilled they’re getting this house to raise their baby in. My next door neighbors are thrilled because they had a new baby a couple of weeks before my buyers and there will be playmates and new friendships to be made.

\n

Yes, this is a win-win-win situation and I am totally at peace with this decision. I feel in my heart I have done the right thing. And that’s something no amount of money can buy! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-30T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/30/chaos.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/29/scrambled-brain-syndrome.html", "title": "Scrambled Brain Syndrome", "content_html": "

\"grief “Scrambled Brain Syndrome” aka “Grief Brain”

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I swear, my brain is scrambled. I don’t hold onto info like I used to. I have to make lists. My decision making skills are practically non- existent. I feel strongly about something then two days later it’s something completely different. And, I don’t think it’s just me.

\n

I have heard from countless widows who all say the same thing. Their thinker is broken. They make really poor decisions. They do things that are totally out of character. Research has shown that the IQ of a grieving person can drop to as low as the fourth grade. Add memory loss to that and it just isn’t a pretty picture. I mean, it’s certainly better than it was the first year. I honestly don’t remember great swaths of it. Which is nature’s way of protecting us, I suppose.

\n

The only thing I can do is force myself to stop and consider the big picture…something that has always challenged me. I am much too distracted by the sparklies of life. :-) I pray…a lot. I meditate. I sleep….much better than I ever have actually. I’m trying to eat better but it’s difficult when you’re committed to not dirty up your kitchen. I don’t exercise which I’m sure would help.

\n

BTW…the buyers backed out of the contract on Wednesday. I didn’t cave to enough of their demands and that is fine with me. I received another offer yesterday and I’m negotiating. I’m much more savvy after that first experience. ;-)

\n

So, the roller coaster continues it’s journey and I’m in the front car with my arms in the air…scared to death but LOVING the ride!

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-29T01:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/29/scrambled-brain-syndrome.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/27/consideration.html", "title": "Consideration", "content_html": "

\"drawing “My father and one of his drawings I found.”

\n

My dad and I had a tumultuous relationship. As long as I can remember, we were at each other’s throat. He was not a nice man, drank heavily throughout my childhood and never treated us well. I remember an episode when I was a tween and my parents were fighting in the basement. Mom came up the steps crying. Dad followed her with a loaded rifle, turned it to place the muzzle to his chest and begged her to kill him right there. It was horrifying.

\n

As I went through a box of memorabilia from the family archives, I came across a scrapbook Dad kept from his time at Camp Hale and Camp Pendleton. A Christmas card from a female admirer, postcards from San Francisco, photos of truck inspections and fellow soldiers whose names are long forgotten…all neatly taped onto crumbling black construction paper pages. As I took the post cards out I came across this sketch my dad did. He had talent although by the time I came along, his dream of being a commercial artist was long dead…beaten out of him by whatever demons haunted him. During this time, Dad was in love with Virginia Cunningham. I believe she had some connection in Ravenswood, WV where he grew up but I don’t remember the details. Her family owned a hotel on Laguna Beach, CA. He was a handsome devil…she, the love of his life. She broke things off and broke his heart.

\n

My mom was head over heels in love with a promising young man she met while working in Cleveland. He asked her dad for permission to court her, but he, his brothers, and my great grandfather were living there temporarily for work and he didn’t feel it was a good idea. Mom was crushed and came back home with a heavy heart. When mom and dad met, they were already broken and proceeded to break each other to bits over the course of the next 30 years or so.

\n

I have had a hard time forgiving him for his treatment of my mom and brother and me. But now I can see him through compassionate eyes. He struggled with depression, anxiety, and substance abuse for years. And so did I. I have had to look deep within and examine the similarities between me and my dad. I did not always treat the people in my life well. This has been an important link in the chain of self-discovery. As I whittle through the bits and pieces that are left of my parent’s lives, deciding what to keep and what to discard, I carefully placed the drawings of a hopeful young artist away in a box for safekeeping to remind me there was goodness within his heart, even though it lay hidden from my view. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-27T01:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/27/consideration.html", "tags": ["Family","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/24/attitude-adjustment.html", "title": "Attitude Adjustment", "content_html": "

\"attitude “Attitude Adjustment”

\n

I had a rough week. Between negotiating items on the inspection that need addressing to two crowns and new glasses, I was feeling at my wits’ end. I was allowing the emotion of the situation to sit in the driver’s seat and when that happens, it’s easy to miss a curve and head for the rocks.

\n

I was feeling taken advantage of in these negotiations. I was upset because I was projecting onto the buyers my own desire to be treated kindly because I am a widow. I am a woman. And I am doing this all on my own. I mean, can’t they see this is hard for me? They should be nice. Then I realized, this is business. This has nothing to do with me. They are driving a hard bargain. They are asking for the moon, hoping I’ll hand it to them on a silver platter. I’m not giving up and I’m not giving in. I’ve just had enough of the haggling…it is what it is…take it or leave it.

\n

When I take ME out of the equation, things get remarkably simple. Hey…when did I grow up??? <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-24T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/24/attitude-adjustment.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/23/feeling-stronger-every-day.html", "title": "Feeling Stronger Every Day!!!", "content_html": "

\"stronger “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger…”

\n

Yesterday I hit the ground running and stopped at 10pm. First there were two loads to the church for the rummage sale. Then the mover came for an estimate. Bare minimum stuff…boxes and 2-3 pieces of furniture was $3000. Nope, not happening. I can buy a lot of antiques at auctions for three grand. Ordered the replacement windows…all 22 of them! Feeling mighty grateful for the unlimited, full lifetime warranty on Milgard windows right about now!!! Talked with the building department for the area to discuss codes regarding some of the items on the home inspection. Went to my brother’s six month eval at 4. Stopped at the store, caught up with friends, and called it a day! Feeling much more empowered! I can DO this! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-23T01:30:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/23/feeling-stronger-every-day.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/23/fall-is-coming.html", "title": "Fall is Coming!", "content_html": "

\"rainy “Fall is coming to Colorado!”

\n

Looking like FALL in Colorado! It rained most of the night and we should get thunderstorms here in a bit. I’m sorting, sorting, sorting today. Good day to be in the garage!

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-23T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/23/fall-is-coming.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Peace","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/21/ahhhhh-patience.html", "title": "Ahhhhh, Patience....", "content_html": "

\"patience “Ahhhhh….Patience”

\n

A virtue in limited supply in my life. I’m a flexible person. I can change direction on a dime and be good with it. But when I want something done, I want it now. On my time. Under my terms. And that’s not the way it works. There are always mitigating factors. And I find when I pray to God and ask him for patience, he gives me all kinds of opportunities to practice it. I quit doing that YEARS ago! lol

\n

My latest opportunity to practice patience surrounds the home inspection and resulting list of things the buyers would like done. There is only one big ticket item and that’s under warranty. The rest is pretty petty, small stuff. I’ll fix it. Not a problem. But I’m not giving an inch any further. I’m standing my ground because I’ve already given a lot. This will get done, the house will be sold, and I will be free.

\n

Free. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-21T01:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/21/ahhhhh-patience.html", "tags": ["Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/19/towwanda-at-chapman-dam.html", "title": "TOW-Wanda at Chapman Dam", "content_html": "

\"little “TOW-Wanda at Chapman Dam”

\n

I’m heading into the home stretch and this will be the hardest part…whittling things down to what little I can pack in the car and the camper. I can ship things like clothes. There are big ticket items that eat up a lot of precious cargo room like the 4 studded snow tires for the Ford. Those can go in one of the bunk beds in the trailer. Pictures are the biggest space eaters. I wish I would have scanned them years ago. Ah…if wishes were horses, right? Books…I already cut down so many. I’ll need to whittle some more. There’s a library not too far from the farm and there’s Kindle. I can get anything I need in WV. My desktop computer goes with me. Along with two laptops and cameras. I have some art that I want to take but I’m going to have them packed professionally. Maybe I’ll call a mover just to get an estimate for how much they would charge to pack and ship those things I do want to take. I don’t want to weigh down the trailer and the car to an unsafe degree. Decisions, decisions…I’ll be so happy when I’m done and settled. Until then, one foot in front of the other. So many changes in such a short time.

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-19T01:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/19/towwanda-at-chapman-dam.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Overcoming Obstacles","Camping","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/19/hanging-on.html", "title": "Hanging On!", "content_html": "

\"roller “Hanging On!”

\n

This is what my life feels like right now but I’m hanging on for the ride! The home inspection yesterday was pretty darned nit picky as far as I was concerned. We shall see what the potential buyers say when the full report comes in. In the meantime, I need to get some windows replaced that are under warranty. I may not get out of here exactly when I thought but you never know! I’m praying hard over here! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-19T01:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/19/hanging-on.html", "tags": ["Fear","Courage","Downsizing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/17/emotions.html", "title": "Emotions", "content_html": "

\"emotions\" “Emotional roller coaster.”

\n

Even though it has been a year and a half since Mr. Virgo died, my emotions are still on a roller coaster and it’s very frustrating. I think trauma and grief flips a switch in your brain and things that normally wouldn’t bother you sometimes feels insurmountable. Your highs get higher, your lows get lower, and the distance between the two get shorter.

\n

Having the house on the market has been one of the most stressful things I have ever done. Certainly not as stressful as losing Mr. Virgo, but I was numb for most of the year. I’ve read repeatedly that the second year is worse because you’re awake and aware and still actively grieving. I had such a high with the sale of the house. Last night I went out for dinner with a friend. My tummy has been so tender the last year and there are certain foods that trigger a night of misery, pizza being the worst offender. And I LOVE pizza! So, of course, celebrating the high of the sale, I had pizza. I had a rough night and consequently crashed. And when you crash in combination with grief, you crash hard. But then the sun comes up and life looks different. A little drained, but I feel much better. I hope the highs and lows mellow out as this process progresses because this is exhausting.

\n

Grief is an amazingly difficult and complex journey and no two are alike. There are some general similarities, but for the most part, you walk this path with a blindfold. When I see a new widow, I want to wrap her in my arms because I know the land she will travel to in the coming years is pretty rough.

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-17T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/17/emotions.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Downsizing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/14/sold.html", "title": "Sold!", "content_html": "

\"sold\" “Sold!”

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Yesssssssss! Sold the house! They will have an inspector come in and once that clears, I’m good to go. September 11th closing. My sweet brother’s birthday is September 12th. I want to have a BIG going away party on the 13th and then I’m out of here!!!!!!! OMGosh! I’m on cloud nine!

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(happy dance

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-14T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/14/sold.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Fear","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/11/me-haul.html", "title": "ME Haul!!!", "content_html": "

\"U-Haul “ME Haul!!!”

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I decided today was the perfect day to rent a U-Haul truck and bring everything from my storage unit back to the house. I met with my realtor today. Haven’t heard from Saturday’s showing yet, but the realtor I thought was showing it yesterday showed up this morning. I was prepared but needed to pick up my reading material and put my coffee cup in the dishwasher. I met the couple and shared SE of my sparkle with them. They were very nice, spent a half hour in the house after I left and then came back to look at it again an hour later! Good sign!

\n

So, I emptied the storage unit, cleaned it out for my deposit, and now have stopped for a bite to eat on my way home. I would choose a really HOT sunny day to do this. AND wear my new white shorts and uncomfortable shoes. But hey, now I just have to empty it into the garage , return the truck, and then I can start sorting through it all AGAIN so I can keep just the items that cannot be replaced. Wow ! This has been a TON of work, but it is so worth it in the end because my life (if not my BUTT) will be so much leaner!!! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-11T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/11/me-haul.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Courage","Downsizing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/11/anchors.html", "title": "Anchors", "content_html": "

\"anchors “Anchors”

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While the house was being shown on Saturday, I drove into town for a Starbucks fix. Afterwards, I drove by my ex-husband’s house to see if they were home. I don’t usually drop by unannounced but felt compelled this time. I wanted to share with them what my plans are in WV and spend some time catching up.

\n

There was a time when ours was very much a love/hate relationship. Or, probably more precisely, a love/anger relationship. As with any divorce, there was a lot of this finger-pointing, he said/she said stuff going on for the first few years. Then we both remarried and a sort of truce was reached. We went to the same events without killing each other. We spoke on the phone when necessary without diving back into the dirt. We made progress, slowly but surely, but I wouldn’t necessarily say we were “friends”. Then Mr. Virgo died, and it showed us all just how fragile this thing is. This life that we think will always be there and that there’s time down the road to mend your fences. In essence, my ex and his wife were there for me whenever I needed them, for whatever reason. Several months after Mr. Virgo’s death, we decided to have family holiday dinners together so the kids didn’t have to choose which place to go to first. After Thanksgiving, he and I had a few moments by ourselves and he told me it was ironic that it took a family tragedy to make us realize that we are just that. Family. Non-traditional, eccentric, mixed faith, loving, supportive…with common goals. Health and happiness.

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I spent an hour and a half on their front porch, drinking coffee, sharing stories, sharing the love only a family bond can give you. This was a long time coming, this peace. It took a lot of hard work on all of our parts and I am so proud of us. They are anchors in my life.

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My prayer during those dark years was always “God, please heal my family.” And, like the loving God He is…He did. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-11T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/11/anchors.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Grace","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/10/the-misplaced-farm-girl.html", "title": "The Misplaced Farm Girl", "content_html": "

\"screen “The Misplaced Farm Girl”

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I grew up in town, but spent every moment I could at my grandparent’s farm. It is an idyllic place with a creek, woods, and lush ground for growing the best vegetables and fruit. It’s far enough out to be really rural yet close enough to town to make trips for a civilization-fix feasible.

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All of my life, I have known this place would always be my home even though my life took me to Colorado. I did my best to get my city-born-and-bred ex-husband to move back home to practice medicine, but Colorado boys don’t do humidity. So I changed my tact to become a Colorado farm girl. We bought a log house on two acres. I had a huge garden that froze the last week of June. The next year the deer lined up for the buffet so I decided Farmer’s Market was a lot less work. All the while, I started collecting the Foxfire Books and every issue of Mother Earth News. I baked my own bread, made yoghurt and tofu, and canned everything I could get my hands on. I entered fairs and won ribbons. I taught pie baking classes. I boarded horses. I cut, chopped, and hauled firewood. It was a pretty cool life.

\n

Everything changed after baby #2 was born and my 16 year old started to drive. I was worried to death every time she went out on that narrow country road and after the umpteenth sleepless night, I convinced my husband to buy a big house near the hospital and high school. I may have killed two birds with one stone making the commutes of both my husband and daughter safer and more convenient, I killed that budding farm girl. Gone was the wood chopping and gardening. Eventually the canning and baking ceased. A flooded basement took away the last vestiges of hope when my entire collection of Mother Earth News was destroyed.

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I was lost…a ship without a rudder. I had given up on my dream of having a farm. I was a city girl now. I had city girl things to do. I am one of the most flexible people you will ever know. I can bloom wherever I’m planted, but losing that dream changed something in me. It dulled my sparkle. And now, here I am on the cusp of the grandest adventure of all! Going home…home to the farm of my dreams, where my heart sings.

\n

I sat in Starbucks yesterday while the house was being shown. On my lap, a copy of the latest issue of Hobby Farm Magazine with an excellent article about English Black Orpington chickens. Emotion welled up in me at the realization that I am making my dream a reality. I am doing that…it’s not being decided for me. No one is telling me I can’t do this. No one is saying “I don’t want to go.” I am making this happen because I know now. I understand. I get it. Life really IS short. But don’t let anyone ever tell you that you only get one shot at it. I’ve had several opportunities for do-overs. This time, I think I’m getting it right.

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-10T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/10/the-misplaced-farm-girl.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/09/no-regrets.html", "title": "No Regrets", "content_html": "

\"regret “Making a big life change is scary. But, know what’s even scarier? Regret.”

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I went to a memorial service for a great guy yesterday. It’s the first funeral I have been to since Mr. Virgo died. I was a little worried that it would stir up bad memories but honestly, I remember so little of the actual service, there wasn’t much memory to stir. That’s the blessing of being in shock. And I’ve totally accepted that Mr. Virgo is gone and he’s not coming back. Yesterday’s service was beautiful. Great stories, lovely praises for a life well lived. Bob was the true example of living with no regrets and he was very well loved by everyone who knew him.

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I went through the receiving line and my heart ached for his wife. The shell-shocked look on her face was all too familiar. She won’t remember who was in that line. She will remember those who stood before the gathering and spoke well of her husband. She won’t remember much of what was said. She will eat what is placed before her without tasting it. She will feel totally overwhelmed with everything that needs to be taken care of and she will appreciate her family and friends that help her, but she won’t remember exactly who did what and when. And she will cry. Lord, how she will cry. We cannot spare her of that. There’s no one who can do that for her. She is now a member of our club…one she never dreamed of joining. Or that it would just be four months after the diagnosis that she would be saying goodbye. Or that her husband would only be 66. That part was hard to look at. I know where she’s about to walk and it isn’t pretty. I pray for her strength. I pray she will let all these wonderful people who loved her husband help her through this. She will come out the other side a different person. We all do.

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The most remarkable change I have seen in myself is a fierce determination to live every day of my life. Change is scary, but regret is scarier.

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-09T01:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/09/no-regrets.html", "tags": ["Faith","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/07/24/west-virginian.html", "title": "West Virginian...", "content_html": "

\"find “Find yourself, and be that.”

\n

It is amazing how quickly things can change. A few weeks ago, I was convinced I was going to move to the Denver area yet deep inside, my heart just wasn’t in it. I kept feeling I was missing an important opportunity, and I was.

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I left WV when I was a fresh-faced 20 year old bride. I moved to England to be with my soldier husband. When that tour was over, the next station was Denver. I hated Colorado then. It was hot and dry and without the lush, green landscape I was used to. I stuck it out because I was at that age when I wanted to be ANYTHING but what my parents were.

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When my husband and I parted company, I stayed on in Denver alone…scared to death but determined to give my daughter something different than what I had grown up with. And it was ok. My kids are Colorado kids but they are good people and independent thinkers. I did right by them. But did I do right by me?

\n

I’ve yearned to live back in West Virginia for the last 30 years but couldn’t move. My ex-husband didn’t want to live there and I had kids at home for 33 years. Mr. Virgo would have moved with me, but he worked so hard to get out to Colorado, I didn’t have the heart to take him back east.

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Now, I’m alone. My beloved man is gone, my brother has the life he so richly deserved and my girls are 40 and 24. My grandchildren are 10 and 7 and I have never lived near them so our time together is precious.

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After being here a week, I have decided to move back home. My elderly aunt lives alone on the family farm and can’t take care of herself anymore. When my son-in-law’s mom told me a couple weeks ago that I need to picture what I want my life to look like, then make it that…my answer was that I want it to look like WV, not Colorado. So, I am close to getting an offer on my house and I will have 5 weeks to close then I’m coming home!

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I cannot tell you the total sense of peace that has come over me with this decision. I have a huge support system here and I’m going to live here for as long as I can. I will visit Colorado and my babies as often as I can. So, another adventure at Marshmallow Ranch begins!

\n", "date_published": "2014-07-24T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/07/24/west-virginian.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","The Farm","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/07/22/taking-down-the-tent.html", "title": "Taking Down the Tent", "content_html": "

\"brain “Taking Down the Tent”

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I just realized what these three weeks off from all the deep thinking posts is all about. I have been camping in my brain too much. :-)

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Loving my break. I’m heading back to the farm this afternoon. This is such a gorgeous state. I can’t wait to get TOW-Wanda out here and do some camping!

\n", "date_published": "2014-07-22T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/07/22/taking-down-the-tent.html", "tags": ["Growth","Choices","Change"] } ] }