Choices on Marshmallow Ranch

Baking Inside When It’s Baking Outside

Sat, 21 Jun 2025 04:30:00 -0600

Almost all the contiguous states in America are under some sort of heat warning. We’ve been getting warnings for a week now that it’s coming. That’s all well and good, but we’re still going to need bread. Sure, we could go buy some at the store, but I’ve been baking for a couple of months with nothing but fresh-milled flour. Well, that’s not exactly true. I had a hankering for some sourdough bread this week. I haven’t even tried to master using FMF in my sourdough recipe, so I made a couple of loaves with store bought flour and it really stirred up my IBS. I won’t be doing that again anytime soon.

The last time I baked in our house, my poor husband nearly melted. This week, I took my dough out to the farm and baked it there. Doable, but highly inconvenient. So, I’m trying to come up with an alternative. We went to town yesterday and stopped at Goodwill to see if they had anything. To my surprise, they had a Magic Chef Convection Oven that sits on the countertop. It was less than $20! Even if it doesn’t work, I haven’t lost much. I asked CoPilot, Microsoft’s Ai, if he could scale down my favorite recipe to work in this model and he spit it right out. I can see how Ai can assist us with time intensive jobs to save us time. Still, it kinda creeps me out.

If the convection oven doesn’t work, I found out I can bake in my smoker. That ought to be interesting. I’ll be experimenting this week and see if I can bake bread without driving Mr. FixIt crazy with the heat coming from the kitchen. I don’t have a lot of time to devote on this because I leave on the 29^th for Colorado. There will be at least one mowing… maybe two before I leave. I’m taking the bare necessities with me… mainly meds, toiletries, and a change of clothes. Little will take me to their favorite thrift shops and get me set up with something appropriate to wear.

I knew the time would start to fly by as soon as June hit. I wasn’t wrong!

💜

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9

***Gratitude Journal*** Today, I am grateful for the wisdom to know time passes, things change, but Jesus stays the same… day in, day out.

#heatwave, #keepingcool, #bakingalternatives

The Leavening Power of Faith

Fri, 30 May 2025 04:30:00 -0600

Image Created with AI by CoPilot

Bread, in its simplest form, consists of just three ingredients: flour, water, and salt. Yes, yeast is important, but it can also be created with just two ingredients: flour and water. That simple mixture will ferment and create the wonderful, aromatic leavening known as sourdough starter. Once you learn the ropes, you can create a myriad variety of bread to sustain you and your family. You begin to have faith in your yeast to do what it says it will do.

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Just as yeast transforms flour and water into a risen loaf, faith has the power to elevate our lives, even in uncertain times. We slog through life sometimes…dragging our proverbial flour and water around with us, looking for the right yeast to build us up. We may not know where we can go to get the perfect yeast to make us rise. Or maybe we just turn to the farmer to give us all the yeast and flour we could ever need to fill our bellies.

Even bread can be dull and flavorless unless we use something to season the dough…salt. By adding that ingredient alone, our taste buds dance the tango. But what if I told you there was an additional magic ingredient that would fulfill all your body’s needs beyond anything you could create in your kitchen? They are free for the asking and open countless doors. The Bible says so.

Those magic ingredients are Faith…and salt. With God through Jesus to provide for all our needs, we lack nothing. We’ll never, ever be alone again. And our Daily Bread will come from the Source, flavored with salt and love. That will keep us steady and fed, even in the worst of circumstances.

Keep well fed, dear ones.

ᓚᘏᗢ

All the holy contributions that the people of Israel present to the Lord I give to you, and to your sons and daughters with you, as a perpetual due. It is a covenant of salt forever before the Lord for you and for your offspring with you.” Numbers 18:19 ESV

***Gratitude Journal*** Today, I am grateful for the loving and forever companion I have in Jesus. I didn’t give my life to him till I was forty-seven years old. My one regret in life is that I didn’t do it forty years sooner.

Never Too Late to Change

Wed, 14 May 2025 01:30:00 -0600

I’m pretty far into the book of my life. There were so many things I wished I could change…do differently…start over. However, we can’t rewrite history. Those earlier chapters are written in stone, man. What I CAN do is craft a new ending by keeping God front and center in my life, and by putting more weight onto the right side of the scale.

I’ve changed more than I could ever imagined. I abused alcohol, prescription drugs, food, money, people for far too many years. When the bottom fell out and I found myself alone and my husband moving on without me, I thought it was the end of my life. Getting to the other side of of all that darkness seemed insurmountable. But, it’s just like eating an elephant. You have to take one bite at a time. It took me losing everything to realize this.

I worked hard to gain back the trust of those I hurt most…my family. It wasn’t easy. It took years of therapy and a lot of tears, apologies, and demonstrations of change to make things better between us. To be honest, I don’t think we’ll ever get back to the way we were before I “dropped my bracket.” That’s ok. There was far too much dysfunction in our previous relationships. The only thing to do was rebuild on a solid foundation. That happened after I sought out Jesus to help me.

I’m looking forward to my trip in July and seeing my Colorado family. I am so grateful for the opportunity to spend time with them right where we stand today. Not decades ago when I was THAT person. Sometimes we are handed a do-over card…a chance to make things right and love the way God intended me to.

I praise him for these gifts every day.

🩵

““But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭43‬:‭18‬-‭19‬ ‭NLT‬

***Gratitude Journal***   Today, I am thankful for do-overs and the opportunity to try to make things right with those I love and who love me.

A Change of Heart

Wed, 09 Apr 2025 01:30:00 -0600

Image created by Ginny McKinney using Meta AI

I have some very special friends. You know the sort. They’re the ones you can pick right up where you let off. The kind who sees your name pop up in caller ID and you can hear the delight in their voices. Terri is one of those friends. She’s been with me through thick and thin for…oh my goodness…nearly forty years. I can’t even remember exactly how we met. She helped me through a difficult divorce. She celebrated with me when I found and married Mr. Virgo. Then she held me up when I grieved his loss. She is my sister in Christ whose wise counsel I covet. We pray for and with each other. I love her dearly. When I go to Colorado for visits by myself, she has a “suite” ready for me. I usually get to visit her a couple of times during every trip.

I’ve been struggling a little the last few weeks. I’ve involved myself in the news (noise is more like it) far too much and I found anger, fear, and sadness nipping at my heels. I started praying about it and asked God to help me with this. He put it on my heart to talk with you about it this week…hence my last few posts. I had an appointment in town yesterday. I arrived early, turned off the truck, and invited Jesus to come sit with me for a little while. We didn’t say anything. We rarely do. He knows my heart and what I need, and when He knows I’m ready for it, he presses something into my heart much like pressing a coin in the hand of a child wanting ice cream.

“Call Terri.”

I dutifully picked up my phone and dialed her number. (I’ll paraphrase.)

“Well….how are you doing, Miss Ginny?”

“I’m struggling with this dystopian society I find myself living in.”

She immediately began speaking about Christians and judgment, anger and the enemy, control and release. My biggest takeaway was this…it is not our place to judge anyone. I am no less guilty of talking bad about those I view as “the other side” than they are. This stems from investing in worldly things. The enemy is in the middle, pitting one against another. He thrives on chaos, angst, retribution. He prods us to think we are “better than those who we deem destroyers of peace.” Terri spoke with an earnest, unbroken cadence that held my attention. And with each profession of the Holy Spirit, I felt the angry thoughts falling away from me.

Does it mean I don’t still have strong feelings? Does it mean my anger and disillusionment will simply fall away and the void filled with songs like Kumbaya? Hardly. But her rapid fire witness shot holes in my preconceived notions that were too readily leaning towards an us vs. them world. I am, after all, a fallible human.

She helped me gain some perspective and led me toward a change of heart. Anger and frustration breed the very divisiveness I rale against. And who am I to assert myself as judge, jury, and executioner? That isn’t very Christian of me. To quote Terri, “Our only job here is recruitment…to lead others toward the Light to a relationship with Jesus.” It is not our job to solve problems that are not ours to solve.

But, isn’t that relinquishing control? Literally, yes…when you’re trying to control something that is not yours to control. Give it to God. There’s another side of relinquishing control. It’s called accepting responsibility. It’s about taking care of the assignment we came here to do. To do the things we DO have control over. Our vote and our voice. And the liberal application of self-restraint, forgiveness, charity, grace, and love. Towards EVERYONE…no matter what color hat they wear. No one said it would be easy but the way is narrow.

I know…on my own…I don’t have that kind of strength and patience. But I have a Father who loves me, a Holy Spirit who guides me, and Jesus who walks by my side every step of the way. All I have to do is listen closely, follow directions to the best of my ability, and grow with every lesson and experience. To love Him with all your heart and all your mind with all your strength. And let Him do the heavy lifting.

God doesn’t ask any more of us than that.

🩵🌷🩵

““Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.” ‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭6‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful for dear friends with wise counsel and a strong faith. Iron sharpens iron.

Learn to Dance in the Rain

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 01:30:00 -0600

”Learn to Dance in the Rain” - AI by Ginny McKinney with Meta AI

Darlings…what a weekend! It has rained about 4.5” since Friday. The ground is so wet that when you walk across the yard, it’s like a bog. Squish…Squish…Squish. There is so much water in the pool, it’s pouring out the overflow. The creeks are roaring. But there’s no water coming into the basement. Ever since we started putting the root killer down the storm drain, it hasn’t overflowed. It came close Saturday night, but we put the crystals in and within twenty-four hours the water level was down two inches. We just have to be vigilant and use it regularly.

The water in the drain is not the only thing going down. I made the awful mistake of looking at my retirement fund last night. Here’s a helpful tip…DO NOT DO THAT! At first my heart sank. Knowing it is likely to fall more today is disconcerting. As hard as that is to take, I know God has always taken care of us and we are more precious than the birds in the fields. I know it’s hard not to worry, it really is. But last night, I just sat with God and told Him I put my life in His hands twenty-one years ago. I’m not backing out when the going gets tough.

Like most people, we are looking at more ways to cut our expenses. I think satellite is out. We’ll soon have fiber optic internet here. Once that is installed, we can drop the DSL line and stream what we can get online. I’ve cut out extra spending. We only buy what is necessary these days. I know we are taking this trip to the beach, but it’s already paid for as is my flight to Colorado this summer.

It is a good thing we don’t eat much meat anymore. We are going to make some raised beds for greens to add to our diet. I bake all of our bread. We don’t eat much dairy but I do keep powdered milk and canned evaporated milk in the pantry. I grew up making do with what we had. Yes…I have been terribly “advantaged” in my adult life. But, I’ve been studying and practicing homesteading and survival skills for a very long time.

We are heading into lean times, I’m afraid. And I’m not telling you all of this to worry you or scare you. I look at paring down to the bare essentials as more like a game to see how little we need to get by.

Happiness is most often mind over matter.

If you don’t mind…it don’t matter.

Do what you can with what you have.

Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.

Start small.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Pray about it. Pray over it. Pray through it.

And remember…the pendulum always swings back.

🩵🌷🙏🏼🌷🩵

““Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭19‬-‭21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Gratitude Journal 
Today I am grateful for my humble upbringing with a grandma who taught me how to make do. I am grateful that I have a Heavenly Father who wants us to prosper and who will take care of us.

Let Your Inner Beauty Shine

Thu, 27 Mar 2025 01:30:00 -0600

Image by Meta AI

Like most women “of a certain age,” I pull hands full of hair out of my brush every week. I think when you have long hair, it looks like you’re losing a lot more than than if you keep it short. But still, I was getting worried. The last time I had my hair this long, my little braid was only as big around as my thumb. My “widow’s peak” was becoming more and more pronounced. So I knew I needed to do something that would help restore my hair, if that was even possible.

I only shampoo my hair once a week and only wash the roots. Rinsing is enough to draw down over the length of my hair and doesn’t strip it of oils. I only use the conditioner on the length of my hair and never on the crown. That way it doesn’t weigh down my hair and make it greasy.

When I started Noom, I also started RYZE Mushroom Coffee and put collagen powder in it. I was amazed what it did for my hair. It was just starting to get silky smooth again when my Endocrinologist asked me to stop the supplement for six months to see if it made a difference in my kidney function. It did not, so I was allowed to return to taking my Vital Proteins Collagen Powder every day. In the time I was off of it, my hair really went downhill. It was frizzy and lifeless and it took a good three months to improve. Now my braid is nice and full, my hair is silky and shiny, and I have new “baby hairs” growing all around my crown. It looks like a halo in the sunshine.

This is a miracle product. After shampooing and before conditioning, I squeeze out as much water as I can. Then I apply this sparingly to the bottom half of my hair and squeeze it through to coat. Then rinse. You don’t have to leave it on long.

I have to switch up my hair products from time to time. The one I’ve been using for the last year or so has worked great. I’ll leave pictures of the products here for you to see and details of my routine. I’m really happy with my hair now. It’s been two years since I cut it last. I’ve let my bangs grow out, too. They’ve gotten long enough that I can almost keep them pulled back in my ponytail. I used to get my hair cut, highlighted, and styled regularly. I quit using any color about two or three years after Mr. Virgo and I got married. I let it go great and it’s been fun to see it change over the years. I don’t think I’ll ever have my mom’s beautiful white hair, but silver works for me.

This is a leave in conditioner. After I’ve conditioned with the regular conditioner, I usually blow-dry my hair but if it’s warm out, I sit in the sun and brush it till it’s dry. Then I use a very small amount of this…pea sized. I rub my hands together then run my hair through my hands in one side of my head and repeat on the other side.

(I always sleep with my hair pulled back in a long braid. I repeat this conditioning step about three times a week before I braid my hair for bed.)

I quit going to the salon altogether once Covid hit. I trimmed my own bangs as best I could and called it good. I’ve never had Covid (thank you, God) and I’ve save quite a bit of money, too. I like the look now that the bangs are way down below my chin. It feels more stylish without even trying. Because I don’t try anymore. If I had the money back that I spent in the hair and nail salon and being pampered with a massage or facial…I could have easily had a trip to Europe. That just makes me sad. But, I was working in those days. I was younger and worried more about appearances.

A lot of things have changed since Mr. FixIt and I have been together. We aren’t fancy by any measure. I mean, we clean up good, but I’ll bet I haven’t put makeup on more than a handful of times in the last decade. I just feel good in my skin now and there are no complaints from my husband. If you feel good, keep clean, drink a lot of water, get some fresh air every day and a little exercise, and a solid night’s sleep…your inner health shines through.

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but you are BEAUTIFUL! You deserve to take care of yourself however works for you. Be confident and kind and you’ll positively sparkle in the sun!

✨☀️✨

“Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16‬:‭31‬ ‭ESV‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful for God showing me I am loved, no matter what I look like. I am loved by Jesus and if Jesus loves me, who am I to not love myself? I am worthy and I am enough…just the way I am!

The Ol’ Bait and Switch

Tue, 11 Mar 2025 01:30:00 -0600

“I picked these red flags just for you!”

It’s the oldest trick in the book…reel ‘em in till you catch ‘em. They often promise one thing then pull the rug out from under you. Once they know they’ve got you, the plan is put in motion. Take away little things. Make you doubt yourself. Isolate you. And when they have you where they want you, the real abuse begins.

There was a young woman on a different social media platform yesterday who asked for opinions regarding an issue she was having with her boyfriend. It appears they broke up at one point then got back together. Then they pretty quickly moved in together. She had her own little car…her first big girl purchase that she was very proud of. Somehow, her boyfriend got her to put his name on the title and now he wants to sell it. She uses that car to get to and from work. They live miles out of town…no convenient way to get to a grocery store. If he sold the car, she would have to rely on him to take her anywhere she wanted to go. She wanted to know what she should do.

Ooooooooh….the hair stood up on the back of my neck.

She KNOWS what she has to do…but she’s already in so far, it won’t be easy. She KNOWS this situation could turn violent, yet she’s afraid to go it alone. She KNOWS women often die in these situations, but he always comes back with something sweet and tells her how sorry he is. He tells her, “If you didn’t do ___________ all the time, I wouldn’t have to be like this.”

Gaslighting.

The problem is…this person is bringing you bouquets of red flags wrapped in ribbons and you see roses. It happens more often to young women who maybe haven’t had enough knocks from life yet to see through the lies. Maybe their daddy was the same way with their mommy and they think this is how men are supposed to treat women.

When I see this, I want to grab the girl and run, trying to put some sense in her head. It seems like such a cynical thing to have to teach your daughters when they’re growing up. Some do, but sometimes the mother went through the same thing and she thinks the best way to survive is just to make yourself less so he is made more. It is not easy to get women away from an abuser.

Unfortunately, it’s not always a boyfriend. It can be someone you trusted like your friend’s dad, the pastor, the bigger boy down the street, the frat boys on campus, your boss, a star, or even an elected official. It’s especially dangerous when you’ve been groomed by the offender…sometimes for years. They promise you safety then they rip you apart with a chainsaw.

But here’s the hope….you don’t have to live this way. You can escape abuse. Find trusted allies. Make a careful plan then execute it quickly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting you’ve made a huge mistake by hooking up with the wrong guy. There are people who want to help get you to safety. You just have to be brave and find them. Life can be beautiful on the other side of abuse. It won’t be easy, but finding peace again will be worth it.

A lot of women out there could sure use a helping hand by someone who’s been there. Please feel free to share this with others who might find themselves in hard situations and they’re just now seeing the red flags. You can’t imagine how much a simple “Are you ok?” can do for someone feeling afraid or hopeless. Check in on people you suspect may be having a hard time.

Graduation is coming up soon and a lot of young women are preparing to go out into the big world…on their own. Let’s keep them safe.

💚

“But if you do what is wrong, you will be paid back for the wrong you have done. For God has no favorites.” ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3‬:‭25‬ ‭NLT

***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful for the wisdom I’ve gained in my senior years. I see red flags a lot clearer now than I did in early adulthood.

Edit: A friend pointed out to me…men are also victims of gaslighting and abuse. I didn’t mean to overlook them. Thank you, Lin.

‬‬

The Conflagration

Thu, 06 Mar 2025 02:30:00 -0600

I lived in Colorado for forty years and witnessed so many terribly destructive forest fires there. The worst was the Storm King Fire where we lost 14 smoke jumpers from Idaho. Then, eight years later came the Coal Seam Fire. That one was sneaky.

Back in the late 1800’s, there was an explosion in the Vulcan Mine across the Colorado River from New Castle. They could not put it out and it’s been burning ever since. It was too dangerous to mine that seam anymore, so the mine was sealed shut and they just let it burn. You can see the coal seam in the winter because the snow won’t stick on it. There’s a long, dark streak along what is appropriately called Burning Mountain.

Every once in a while, the fire follows a finger of coal and breaks through the ground. Most of the time, that’s been in rocky areas and the only sign is a wisp of smoke till that part of the seam burns out. But, in the case of the Coal Seam Fire, it broke through in some dry scrub oak and quickly took off.

I’ve been thinking about that and how it fits in as an analogy of the world today.

There has been evil in the world ever since Eve plucked the apple from the tree. It slinks and lurks and hides in the shadows most of the time. Then it breaks free and comes to the surface threatens to burn everything down. I know, some of you may think I’m talking about the politically charged times we’re in, but it’s not just that. It’s the world at large. A general bad vibe going around. And it doesn’t seem to matter what side of any issue you find yourself, each feels the other is wrong and it feels like there’s no way to reach the middle ground. So many hard things happening everywhere and it wears on you.

The Bible tells us about the end times, and if these are they, I’d just as soon Jesus come and get us and take us home sooner rather than later. Now, I am NOT thinking of self-harm…that’s the furthest from my thoughts. But I now the streets of gold are better than anything we can imagine here. That means we have to get right with our Maker.

I’m personally trying to clean up my side of the street, apologize where needed, make amends where possible, and spend my efforts on praising God and my family and friends for the goodness they have brought to my life. Thanking Him for being a loving Father. And putting out as much goodness as I can while I’m still here.

I’ve find when I look for the bad things, that’s all I see. And that’s the way media and pundits want it…to be at each other’s throats. It makes it seem as though that’s all there is in the world because everyone is screaming so loud…”Look here!” “Look there!” “He did it!” “She did it!” “They did it!” I do what I think is best and express my opinions through an app…5 Calls. I call my elected officials while I’m having my coffee. Then I get on with my day. It’s like leaving your work problems at work. I don’t WANT to carry all this all the time. I have to spend my time wisely.

I got a message from one of my readers yesterday that lives not too far from me. She’s interested in my sourdough bread and I’m interested in the honey she and her fiancé harvest. I love to barter! Hmmmm…maybe there will be a Marshmallow Ranch Bakery? That sounds interesting!

☘️

“Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭5‬:‭20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Gratitude Journal 
Today I am grateful for the ability to make priorities and walk away from the craziness of the world when I need to keep on a more even keel. Self care isn’t selfish!

The Language of Rebellion

Tue, 11 Feb 2025 02:30:00 -0600

In yesterday’s post, I lamented that I didn’t like the Super Bowl halftime show. I’m not a big fan of rap. I’ve heard of Kendrick Lamar, but I can’t say that I haven’t listened to any of his music. So, I was a captive audience…mainly out of curiosity. As I watched the measured choreography, my brain struggled to find some understanding in his craft. I couldn’t help but think I was missing something. Something told me he was sending out a message…that this was an anthem of rebellion of some type. But, try as I might, my white-bread brain couldn’t suss it out.

In yesterday’s post, I lamented that I didn’t like the Super Bowl halftime show. I’m not a big fan of rap. I’ve heard of Kendrick Lamar, but I can’t say that I have listened to any of his music. So, I was a captive audience…mainly out of curiosity. As I watched the measured choreography, my brain struggled to find some understanding in his craft. I couldn’t help but think I was missing something. I had a feeling he was sending out a message…that this was an anthem of rebellion. But, try as I might, my white-bread brain couldn’t suss it out.

Granted, I couldn’t understand the lyrics. Thinking back, I caught enough words to make me want to investigate further. I don’t like explicit rap. But I came to understand this was Lamar’s art as activism…his paint and canvas. In much the same way as Michelangelo’s sculpture, David…was a symbol of resistance against the powerful Medici patronage in Florence. Marcel Duchamp, Otto Dix, Jasper Johns, Banksy, Picasso…all famous artists that used their work as the language of rebellion against the rise of fascism, war, famine, racism, dehumanization, Apartheid.

Kendrick Lamar was speaking in his own language about something that runs deep in the fabric of our history. For example, the image of the dancers forming an American flag while bent over symbolized how America was built largely on the backs of black people. His songs “40 Acres” hark back to the inhumane practice of slavery. “Wesley’s Theory,” “For Free.” There was symbolism of Uncle Tom and Jim Crow…all in an effort to remind us…the NFL may take the “End Racism” signs down, but we need to keep our eyes open. Unfortunately, it still happens.

I’m not getting into a political discussion. I was just interested in the symbolism and how it fits into our society as a whole. Unless you are a multi-linguist and speak many languages, you really only understand your native tongue. It’s understandable that there will be any forms of free speech that we do not comprehend. But, we can learn…open our minds and hearts…and look into the hearts and minds of others. This is part and parcel the message Jesus gave us…

💜

Love one another as I have loved you. John 13:34

***Gratitude Journal*** 
Today I am grateful for a God who can give me  an open heart and mind to learn and grow in my love and understanding of others.

#understanding, #compassion, #art

The Continuing Saga of The Knocked Noggin

Fri, 31 Jan 2025 02:30:00 -0600

I slept great Wednesday night. I got up feeling “not myself” which isn’t surprising with a bonk on the head. I fixed breakfast but I was low energy then Mr. FixIt decided to take my truck in to get it inspected. I got my wallet to give him some money and I couldn’t figure out how to take money out of my wallet. THIS was one of the signs I needed to look for. So, I called my PCP’s office and her nurse was like, “You get to the ER right away!” Kinda scared me so as soon as my sweetheart got back, he took be to the hospital. And, as luck would have it, it was one of their busiest days EVER. We got there a little before 4:00 and it was after 10:15 when we got out. They did a CT and it was clear. They gave me a concussion checklist of do’s and don’t’s. We were both really hungry so we stopped at Wendy’s on the way home. We pulled into the driveway at 11:00 and I was whupped! We were in bed in less than ten minutes. I just need to take it easy for a few days…which is kinda what I’m doing anyway! lol I’ll be back tomorrow!

Lifting Others Up

Mon, 20 Jan 2025 02:30:00 -0600

Wowza…it snowed another three inches or so yesterday. I’m thinking Mr. FixIt got a touch of frostbite on Friday when he fed the birds in his mesh tennis shoes. (I know…he heard about it.) I didn’t want him to go out and get cold again so I ran the snowblower. That little battery-powered gizmo is pretty handy. The snow was a little heavier than the dry snow we’ve been getting so it wasn’t quite as easy to clear. But I made short work of it. Miss Pumpkin always sleeps in the big 30x40 building in a cat kennel with an electric cat bed to keep her toasty warm. She also has a heated dish so her water never freezes. I always stuff a towel under the door to keep out the drafts. And yesterday I took out an old quilt and covered the big wire kennel that the cat kennel is in. I may even put another quilt between the cat box and the kennel for added insulation. She is the most pampered feral kitty in the ‘hood.

We watched football all day and I heated up the leftover broccoli cheese soup for supper. We were cozy and warm and safe in our home. They canceled bowling last night so I was really glad Mr. FixIt didn’t have to drive to town on those slick roads. Even though the salt tuck goes up and down the road in front of our house, that is still a treacherous two-lane blacktop with lots of twists and turns and hills between here and town.

Our low last night was predicted to be 6° and tonight’s will be 3°. Tomorrow’s however is predicted to be -5°!!! Yikes! There is a young man in Parkersburg who has made it his life’s work to lift people up, help them get off the streets and stop using drugs. His name is Moon King and when he puts a request out on social media for supplies, the community comes out in droves to get him just what he needs. He’s an amazing young man. He busks with his guitar to raise money to help his fellow man. I’m in awe of his selflessness. Most young men his age are too busy chasing corporate dreams to give up everything for his community. God bless him and the others who make such sacrifices.

Today is Martin Luther King Day where we celebrate and honor a man who fought for equality. Having a heart for service is a lofty goal. The Lord loves a cheerful giver. We can’t all be Martin Luther King or even Moon King, but there are small ways we can contribute to “the least of these” that Jesus talked about. How do you help others? Do you volunteer in person, or do you contribute monetarily? Do you collect food or clothing or blankets for the less fortunate. Does your church have a soup kitchen or a local ministry that you assist with?

May we always look out for others…no matter who they are.

❄️🩵❄️

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” James‬ ‭1‬:‭27‬ ‭ESV‬‬

***Gratitude Journal***

Today I am grateful that even in dark and cold times, there are angels unawares among us who seek to help and lift up others selflessly.

#gratitude, #MLK, #service, #volunteering

A Quarter of a Century

Mon, 06 Jan 2025 02:30:00 -0600

Most people have their big day of introspection on New Year’s Day. Or maybe their birthday. For me? It’s January 6th. I have been sober for 25 years today. This is a really big deal for me. I look back at the life I was leading at the time and I was really so sick. I was chronically depressed…clinically depressed. Even after years of therapy and way too many meds I was literally the walking dead.

I wasn’t being a good mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter. I was in one of those “too good to leave, too bad to stay” marriages that was killing both of us. But we just couldn’t seem to let go and get healthy. Then the overdose happened. I didn’t really want to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. I could have easily died that night. Thank God I didn’t have any alcohol on board or I would have.

I spent many, many years blaming my ex-husband for all my problems. We were both responsible for things getting as bad as they did. But, as I’ve aged…matured…ripened?…I can see the hand of God in what I went through. God gives us free will. And when we go down lanes he doesn’t approve of, He sometimes takes a step back and says, “Interesting choice, my child. I’ll be here when you come to your senses.” Eventually I have come to believe Hubby #2 gave me the greatest gift of all.

He made me take care of myself and get the help I needed. On my own. I had become obvious to him, I needed something different than what we’d been doing for the last ten years. I “went away” for a while and spent some time in a Behavioral Unit…a delicate way of saying “the loony bin.” That was the bottom of the barrel for me and it was a very long and emotional climb out.

I chatted with my ex on Saturday evening. I wanted to make sure he knew that I hadn’t wasted the gift he gave me. He told me my sobriety was his reward. I am a totally different person than I was on January 6, 2000. The biggest change came when I turned to Jesus in January of 2004 after my mom died. That’s when I was healed and made new.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health or with drugs or alcohol, don’t give up. Have them dial 988 for assistance. Someone there can provide resources.

I doubt seriously I’ll have twenty-five more years ahead of me as I’d be 96. But I’ll sure suit up and show up for every day that God sees fit to give me. And I’ll be grateful for it all. The good, the bad, the in-between. I thank everyone who has been there for me in the reinvention of Ginny McKinney.

To my family, my friends, and my readers…I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

“But as for me, I will look to the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.” Micah‬ ‭7‬:‭7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

#healing, #sobriety, #anniversary

A Waiting Game

Tue, 22 Oct 2024 01:00:00 -0600

Well, I sent Mr. FixIt back to West Virginia with our son and daughter-in-law on Saturday. They arrived home safely that night. I don’t remember if I told you I tweaked my back Friday night so I was kinda laid up over the weekend. I did go fishing Sunday afternoon and caught two fish…my only catches for the week.

I might possibly go again today. It’s the last day of my license. I spent yesterday cleaning the camper, washing the windows inside and out, and just organizing in general. When you are occupying a small space, you need to keep it cleaned up or it quickly gets out of hand.

I drove up to Manteo again to get the tools out of the truck. I wanted to check out the electric jack on the camper. It keeps failing off and on and if I really need to hitch up or unhitch, I need to raise and lower the camper. There is an emergency gear you can turn manually, but I’d need a tool for it. I found a socket in the tool box that will fit.

There is an RV parts store across the sound from Kitty Hawk and I’ll run over there tomorrow to see if they have one that fits. If not, it’s another trip to Lowe’s. Today’s photos are the circle swing at Watermen’s Wind Surfing site, a Ginny-shadow up on one of the Nag’s Head Beaches along with the surf and sand, the bottom of my boots FULL of sand burrs, a beautiful sunrise, a little grunt fish, me holding the ribbon fish, the ribbon fish laying on the pier, those crazy teeth, the Wanchese Marina, fresh flounder at the Wanchese Marina Restaurant, and the friendly host (owner?) of the restaurant…Matt Kellam.

When I was up at the Lighthouse Garage in Manteo, I asked the girls where locals go for great seafood that doesn’t break the bank. They recommended one of the restaurants at the Wanchese Marina and I’m telling you…if you EVER find yourself down this way, make it a point to eat over there. It was FABULOUS! A huge filet of flounder, fries, killer hush puppies, and coleslaw along with cocktail and tartar sauces for $11.99 plus tax and fees, drink not included. I’m liable to be here through the week so I’ll send you some “postcards” along the way!

🩵

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭28‬ ‭ESV‬‬

#obx #fishing #ribbonfish #wanchesemarina #seafood

A Challenging Day

Fri, 21 Jun 2024 01:30:00 -0600

I woke up yesterday morning to the news that my dear friend Sharon passed peacefully at 3:30am. She was surrounded by those who loved her most. They took turns holding her hand, stroking her hair and face, talking to her. They stood around her bed and sang along with her favorite songs. They laughed and shared stories. And they ushered her along to God’s arms, just the way she wanted it. I am saddened by our earthly loss. I am heartbroken for her family that they had to lose her at the young age of 71. At the same time, I rejoice that she has shed this earthly body and she feels no more pain. I know I will see her again…someday.

It was one thing after another yesterday and it ended with Mr. FixIt walking in from hauling branches to the brush pile. He was covered in blood from the middle of his forearm down over his hand. I jumped up and got him in the bathroom before he bled on the carpet. When I finally got him cleaned up, it wasn’t all that bad. One of his medications slows his clotting factor and any little cut or scratch looks like an ax murder. It’s always something when we’re of a certain age, isn’t it?

On June 4th, my daily blog post talked about the goodness of God. I have long thought there is a bias in the algorithms on social media when it comes to the subject of faith. When I post my Sunday Evening Prayer Circles, they only get sent out to a handful of people. Then, on the evening of the 4th, I got a message from FB saying that my post that day went against the rules and it was removed. They said it was misleading and looked like a trick to get people to follow the link to my website. They gave me the opportunity to protest it and they would review their ruling. I sent in the request and waited. I didn’t say anything on the page till I heard back from them. They said their first ruling stands and it was misleading.

I’ve read that post ten times and I cannot see anything that is misleading or is different from any of my other posts. I can’t repost it, because if you get too many dings, they can bump you way down in the algorithms. I can, however, put this paragraph in here and tell you that you can go to my website and reread that post anytime you want. Because only the first paragraph of my posts reside on the “book of faces.” At the same time, I reported a different page that purported to be about the beauty of WV. The photos they post are AI generated and don’t look anything like my beautiful home state. And their link takes you to a cheap t-shirt shop. The powers that be, ie a bot, reviewed my report and they didn’t find anything wrong with that page…they weren’t “breaking the rules.” Nothing to see here. Go figure.

This is why I started my own website in the first place. We don’t know how long this social media mega-corporation will be around and I’ll be darned if I’m going to lose the sheer volume of writing that I’ve shared here. Sometime in the fall, I’m going to take a sabbatical for a few months and really work on my book. It needs to get done…time’s a waistin’. It never gets more apparent than when one of my dear friends dies. I’ll let you know when the time comes, but I wanted to give y’all a little heads up. I know you’ll wait for me here! And you can always go back and reread some of my earlier works.

I spent the day keeping my mind busy trying to update a very old GPS unit. “Mavis” has been with me and told me where to go since shortly after Mr. Virgo died. He was my navigator because I cannot find my way out of a paper bag with both hands and a flashlight. I’ve come to rely on “Mavis” telling me what lane to be in at least a quarter mile beforehand. I know I can use my phone’s navigation programs. But there’s something about that big screen that keeps me oriented. I’m a visual learner, so just listening to the directions without seeing where I’m going drives me nuts. I do run Waze on my phone at the same time because that has a setting to alert you when you’re over the speed limit or if there’s a hazard up ahead. She also tells you if there’s a policeman hiding up there somewhere. Add Mr. FixIt and his innate sense of direction and I literally can’t get lost! If it weren’t for “Mavis,” my solo traveling would have been a nightmare.

I think we’ve got all the mechanical bugs worked out on the vehicles now. Mr. FixIt had the tailpipe of his exhaust system welded back together yesterday. And Freida the Ford is running like a top!

Counting down the days…six more sleeps!

☀️

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:13 ESV

Reconciliation and Grace

Fri, 31 May 2024 01:30:00 -0600

Photo Credit: Internet

Back in October, I told you about a friend of mine that’s been my sister-of-a-different-mother. She reached out to me in a time of need. At the same time, Mr. FixIt came down with Covid and was dreadfully ill and I totally forgot to listen to her message. When I hadn’t responded in a reasonable time, assumptions were made. When she ghosted me, assumptions were made on my part, as well.

After trying unsuccessfully to connect, and knowing her as I do…I backed off and gave her space. I reached out every week or two just to let her know I was thinking of her. Eventually, she started responding but her tone was more like the conversation you might have with someone in the line at the grocery store. But still, I knew she was going through some terribly hard stuff in her personal life, so I practiced grace with my lifelong sister/friend. We practiced grace with each other actually. She could have just walked away permanently.

Finally, I heard from her over the weekend and she asked if we could FaceTime. We selected yesterday. I prayed repeatedly ever since we made the date…asking God to bring me the right words to convey to my friend. To let me be quick to listen and slow to speak. She poured her heart out and spoke her truth. She was devastated that I hadn’t reached out to her during her time of dire need. She felt abandoned. She was confused, hurt, sad, then mad.

I listened carefully. I nodded and agreed with her. I acknowledged her pain. And her frustration and anger. I could see the edges soften a little just getting it off her chest. But I knew we were at a crossroads in our friendship. Neither one of us wanted to end our lifelong bond, but we were unsure of what the other wanted to do. I respectfully corrected a couple of her assumptions which brought some clarity to the situation.

In the end, we professed our love for each other to the bitter end. And we enacted a strategy. Should one of us absolutely NEED the other, we’ve agreed to text “911” and we will drop what we are doing right away and reach out. The crux of our issue was miscommunication. Extending grace with patience and love showed maturity and grace on both our parts…something I feel I’ve just been able to tap into in the last few years.

Life is just entirely too short to waste a minute of it on misunderstandings. I know not all relationships will come together like we did and reconcile with love and grace but it can never hurt to try to practice kindness in our interactions. There will be plenty of opportunities in the coming months to practice grace. Difficult conversations are never easy, but approaching them with grace and kindness will help ease us back toward the give and take of normalcy. This is my prayer, anyway.

🩵

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:32 NIV

A Busy and Productive Day

Thu, 09 May 2024 01:30:00 -0600

Mr. FixIt had a procedure done yesterday morning. When they were taking him back, I called after him and said, “Wait!” He turned around and I came up and kissed him. The nurse looked a bit surprised and said, “Are you two newlyweds?” We looked at each other and laughed. “Kinda,” he said. “We got married in 2018.” She smiled and off they went.

When we were finished, we stopped at Sam’s for a few things. I buy three containers of their blueberries just about every week to ten days. I also buy their bulk box of Oikos Triple Zero yogurts which lasts me eighteen days. When we first walked in, they had beautiful bouquets of mixed flowers for Mother’s Day. I went over and buried my face in them and breathed deep. Ahhhhh…I love flowers. Of course, Mr. FixIt said, “Please…pick out a bouquet for yourself for Mother’s Day.” I sorted over till I found the perfect one.

We went on with our shopping and I came upon the most beautiful buckets of hydrangea bushes. Now, if I have that, the flowers will keep coming every year, so I told my sweetheart I rather have those. He smiled and said, “Whatever you want, baby.” I love this man.

After Sam’s was a quick stop for gas and we headed home. I fixed lunch and then left Mr. FixIt to rest and I headed to the farm to mow. When I came around the turn into the driveway, my heart skipped a beat. The huge rhododendron bush in the front yard was FILLED with gorgeous flowers precisely at the peak of their bloom! OMGosh! They were stunning. The irises were also blooming.

The grass had grown a lot since Beans mowed while we were at the beach. I hopped on the John Deere and got to work. It was in the mid-eighties but there was a nice gentle breeze so it didn’t seem overwhelmingly hot. I did have to mow over the cut grass a couple of times to keep it from settling in clumps and killing the lawn. When I was finished, I sat on the porch for a little bit and admired my handiwork.

The neighbors were out walking their dog so I went over to visit for a bit. They are such a nice couple. Probably 20-25 years younger than me. We always have a moment to catch up when I’m out at the farm. I wish I could have stayed for a couple of days, but there were other things I needed to attend to so I headed home.

I took a walk down to the new pollinator gardens and got some pictures. I didn’t see the resident turtle this time, but there is quite a variety of plants beginning to show their stuff. I’m still not recognizing any new varieties from the seed I cast last fall, but I’ll keep my eyes peeled. It was a lovely, busy and productive day. A perfect spring day with golden green light and the smell of flowers on the breeze. It just made my heart smile.

🌸🌼🌸

“Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.”
Song of Songs‬ ‭2‬:‭12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Road Trippin’!!!

Thu, 25 Apr 2024 01:30:00 -0600

Oh, the work getting ready for this trip was SO much more than I envisioned this time last week! I said I was going to be super organized this time. As my friend Marion said…God giggles. After going to sleep at 2:00, I woke up yesterday morning at 6:00 to get the day started. The camper was piled with tools, sawdust, trash, and the bedding from the queen sized bed, so my first order of the day was to clean it out so I’d have the space to stock the stuff we really needed to take.

I went in the house at 7:00 and Mr. FixIt was up getting himself ready. We didn’t pack the truck the night before like we usually do because my sweet husband was indulging my hair-brained idea of accomplishing a camper remodel in five days. He’s a saint! This camping trip isn’t our first rodeo and overall, you take the same things each time. I suggested we just keep all the non perishables in the camper over the winter and save all the lugging in and out of the basement. Then, our little house on wheels will be ready at a moment’s notice to head wherever our hearts desire.

By the time we got everything loaded up and hitched the camper, it was going on noon. We hadn’t taken time to eat were starved so we stopped in town for gas and the Cracker Barrel by the highway for a very quick breakfast. We headed south on the interstate and we hadn’t gotten to Charleston when I was so sleepy, my head was nodding. I knew I needed to stretch out and take a nap and Mr. FixIt looked about as ragged as I did. So we pulled into a big Lowe’s parking lot and took a two hour nap! We never dreamed we would sleep like that. We could have slept for several more hours except for one thing….

The alarm on the truck went off. No one was near us…it just started blaring. I turned it off and looked at Mr. FixIt.

“God woke us up, right on time!”

We were both refreshed. We got back on the road at a reasonable time and stopped in Wytheville to get gas and a sandwich. We got to the campground at dusk, and there was a problem. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remember the lady telling me that once they close the campground, they lock the gate and if you don’t have the code to the opener, you don’t get in. I thought she said 8:30 but it was actually 7:30! We were locked out.

It was dark, the office was closed and no one was answering the phone. We sat there trying to figure out what we could do when the guy that runs the tennis program came up on a golf cart and asked if he could help. He didn’t have the code either, but he attempted a couple of different numbers. They didn’t work. Right then, another camper came to the gate to get in and once he explained the situation to her, she was happy to let us pull in behind her.

Our site was easy to find and relatively easy to back into. It wasn’t level at all but it tilted in a direction that I could deal with. We were in the camper and ready for bed in twenty minutes.

Oh, and Mr. FixIt LOVES the camper! It’s so much more inviting with lots of floor space. The beds are a generous 30 inches. Combine that with the double recliner I installed last fall, the camper is really comfortable. It just feels feels much larger…like you can breathe.

Our campground is on a lake so I’m looking forward to the view with my cuppa RYZE this morning!

🩵

”Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”“
Isaiah 30:21 NIV

#RoadTrip, #GodKnows, #Virginia

Whistle While You Work

Mon, 22 Apr 2024 01:30:00 -0600

This was the first wall I did. It’s kinda like putting together a puzzle. I added another support there in that space to the right.

Land’s sake, y’all…there’s a learning curve here but I’ve got the hang of it now. I had to make a run to Lowe’s today because the cashier didn’t hand me a bag of stuff that I needed. They had it waiting for me at the Pro Desk so while I was there, I added some screws and T-braces to make the beds really sturdy. So, I didn’t get started till till after noon.

Mr. FixIt brought the chop saw out and set it up on the saw horses for me. He watched me cut the first board and made sure I could operate the saw. And wouldn’t you know, the second board I cut an inch short. A good reminder to “measure twice, cut once!” But the wood wasn’t wasted. I can use it someplace else in the project.

I had a little surprise when I took the nightstand off this side. Those are the wires for the solar power. I didn’t want to make the bed any higher so I just cut out a little place in the board and put the wires down through it.

I finished the two outside walls of the beds. They are securely mounted to the walls and the floor. Now I can start filling in the blanks and finish the frames. But first…I have to go BACK to Lowe’s! I think when Mr. FixIt and I sat down to design this and count up the wood I would need, I forgot to multiply x2. I only need about seven more furring strips and maybe a couple of 2x2’s. Then I can put this thing to bed…so to speak. (See what I did there! lol)

Mr. FixIt will mow tomorrow while I finish up the camper. Then we can load up Tuesday. We take off early Wednesday for the beach and I’m SO excited!!! I may not have all the trim and details done before we leave, but the beds will be usable and oh so comfy! I have it all designed in my head and it’s going to be light and fresh.

This is the other side. It was a little trickier because of the water tank. I had a heck of a time getting in there and screwing down those pieces.

I love doing jobs like this. I always have. I remember when I was in grade school…maybe 5th or 6th grade…I asked my mom if I could have a lavender bedroom. I’ve always loved lavender…it’s so soft and soothing. She said she’d ask my dad. The next day, she took me to the hardware store to pick my color. Then I had to wait on my dad to paint it. I waited, and waited, and waited some more. Finally, I got tired of waiting. I didn’t have the faintest idea how to paint a room, so I opened the can and painted HELLO on my bedroom wall.

My dad was NOT happy. I didn’t know what I did meant he’d have to paint a couple of coats to cover. But oh….that room was so pretty, and I was HOOKED on doing all the things. It started a lifelong obsession with projects. I work a project to death….pushing, pushing, pushing. I used to say I do my best work when I’m on a deadline, but I’m not sure that’s as true now as it used to be.

This is the only photo I could find of Mom’s house. I’m sure I have some more somewhere…this is the only one I could get to fast.

When Mom died, I redid her kitchen. I’m the worst at taking before photos, but the kitchen turned out darling. I learned a LOT from that project. I have used those skills over and over. This isn’t nearly as difficult a job as that was. Not by a long shot. Of course, it took me nine months to do Mom’s house. I totally ripped out the bedroom of our camper with only five days to finish! I’m determined!!!

You never know what I’m going to get into do you?!

🩵🌷🩵

”I can do all this through him who gives me strength.“
Philippians 4:13 NIV

Wowza, What a Storm!

Fri, 19 Apr 2024 01:30:00 -0600

My little buddy came out after the rain. The toads sit under the solar and porch lights and catch bugs!

The severe thunderstorm that was forecast for Thursday night began to announce it’s arrival about 10 minutes after I finished scheduling yesterday’s post. When you hear a nonstop rumble of thunder getting louder and louder, you first glance at your phone. Is it going to scoot past us this time or are we in a direct line. Before I even looked at the radar, my gut said I’d better get in the house. I wasn’t in there ten minutes when it hit with a vengeance!

Pretty good sized hail for these parts but not a lot of it right here at the house. The wind drove the heavy rain straight sideways which drove the hailstones into the glass storm door. We were mesmerized. But it was over as quickly as it came. We only got about a half inch of rain so we were ok.

Yesterday was such a busy day, I had a hard time keeping up with everything I accomplished. I fixed our favorite breakfast…grits and eggs. Then I went out and started working on the camper. I needed to de-winterize it which entails turning off the hot water heater bypass, filling the freshwater tank with filtered water and an ounce of bleach to sterilize it. I flushed out all the water lines and put deodorizer down the drains and the toilet. I sat and looked at the bed and wondered if I could get it converted to two twins before we leave next Wednesday. Jury’s out on that one.

I went back in the house and fixed an early supper. We were both working on projects outside so we didn’t want to have a heavy dinner. I just fixed ham sandwiches and air fried french fries. Quick and easy. I did a load of laundry, brought the tubs of camping gear out of the storage room downstairs, and brought them upstairs. Then I decided to go ahead and print out our itinerary from RVLife.

You know how computers and I get along. First, I tried to print them from the app, but there isn’t a button to select. So I went on the desktop. I could sign in, but I could not open the trip to print it. Every time I tried, it logged me out and I had to go through the whole thing again. After about four tries, I decided to get my laptop out and try it. Even that was difficult, but after three tries, I was in.

I clicked print and nothing happened. I looked at the printer queue and it showed there was a document waiting but eventually it just gave me an error code. This is where my mom would said she “was about to lose her religion”…meaning she was about to say a bad word. I have to laugh because Mom’s “bad words” were like, heck and darn. I was thinking all the words a sailor would say, but out of deference to my late mother, I bit my tongue.

I looked online to see how to fix it and it said to remove the printer and reinstall it. Cool. I deleted it. The next step was, put the CD that came with your printer in the slot on your laptop. Ummmmm…sorry, this laptop doesn’t HAVE a cd-rom on it! Now I was in a pickle. But after going to the source…the Epson website, and doing a little digging, I found the instruction on how to download the drivers to install the printer.

Awesome.

Remember the two possums and a squirrel that run our internet? Well, those little suckers were nowhere to be found. Buffer, buffer, buffer. I went through the entire process and wouldn’t you know it, I got an error reading because the power went off last night (did I mention the power was off from 8:30 last night to 8:30 this morning?) I hooked the printer up to the WiFi again and tried again. This time…after about 30 minutes of buffering…the first step completed.

The second step wasn’t “throw the whole shebang out the window!” I dutifully followed direction and updated the firmware in the printer itself and FINALLY…after a total of three whole hours…I was in business and printed the itinerary. So much for getting anything else done last evening.

Mr. FixIt is taking the grandson today to pick up a Jeep he bought. I’m really happy they get to spend a little one-on-one time together. He’s such a hard worker and is gone for long stretches of time with his job so he’s not around as much these days. So this morning, I’ll get back to work on the camper. I want everything done ahead of time this trip. None of this “throw everything in the truck, we’ll sort it out later!” THIS time I’m going to be totally organized.

You can call your favorite bookie and get in on this action and make bank!

🤣

”But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.“
1 Corinthians 14:40 NIV

Counted Cross Stitch

Sat, 06 Apr 2024 01:30:00 -0600

It’s been forever since I’ve done a cross stitch. When I took our daughter and her mom with me to tour Kreinik Manufacturing Company in our hometown, I bought a cross stitch kit. It has the pattern and the silk threads, but it doesn’t have the 32ct linen to go with it. Also, it’s been forever since I got rid of my cross stitching supplies so I don’t have a frame. I really like the Q-Snaps and the kind that you roll. We don’t have a needlework supply store anywhere near here and I’m not finding exactly what I want online. And now, Kreinik has been sold to a company in California so the business will move there soon. I’m so happy for my friend, Doug Kreinik. This was his family’s business…started by his parents…after 51 years of business. We wish Doug and Myla the very best in their retirement!

Are any of you current or past cross stitchers? Do you have supplies for sale that you no longer use and you wouldn’t mind parting with? I’m looking for a 12” by 12” piece of 32ct linen in a greyish greenish brownish color. And a cross stitch frame of some sort…not an embroidery hoop. That damages the fibers in the linen and you can never get the marks out. Let me know if you have anything.

I’m also looking for a good online needlework shop. I had such a lovely little shop in the early 2000’s. It was in the oldest wood frame building in Glenwood Springs a couple streets off the main drag and catty corner from the Amtrak Station. I often got customers who called ahead for an order, would jump off the train and run over to pick up the bag I prepared form them and run back to the train. When you are traveling cross-country on a train, you’d better have something to keep your busy.

My shop was around at the very beginning of internet commerce and I did have an online presence. But it was a little TOO early. If I’d been able to stick it out another year, I might have been able to really do something with it. It wasn’t meant to be. God whispered that it was time to walk away. Then…just a few months later, my mom died rather suddenly and I was off to West Virginia to take care of her estate. If I’d still had my shop, it would have been really difficult to be there for my brother and do the work I needed to do.

I spent the day downloading pictures and graphics from my computer to my external hard drive. One of our readers had the right idea yesterday. She said the problem could be the cloud and she was exactly right. My laptop is set up to upload all the new files that come onboard and send them to the cloud. Then, anytime I need to use one, or even open the folder, the file has to be downloaded. Our internet is SO slow it takes hours to do what should take minutes. I didn’t get out to the farm yet. I will before too long.

It rained off and on yesterday. The Ohio River should have crested by the time you read this. Hopefully without further loss of life. I am praying you all are safe…from the weather, and from the extremely rare earthquake that struck in the northeast. These are the times that try men’s souls and it’s just one thing after another. The Bible talks about this. I am not afraid as this is not my home. We know who wins in the end.

🙏🏼

”Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.“
1 Peter 4:10 NIV

Roller Coaster Weather

Fri, 05 Apr 2024 01:30:00 -0600

Yesterday was one of those days that gave us four seasons in one day. Warm, springlike weather with sunshine followed by dark, heavy skies with snow so dense you couldn’t see across the field. Sun, rain, snow, sun, sleet, rain. Crazy, right? Typical spring weather. We can’t complain because in a few weeks it’ll be so hot you could fry an egg on the hood of your car.

Our granddaughter’s home by yesterday afternoon.

My goal yesterday was to tune up my computer and get it working faster. All the graphics I put on it when I was creating designs for my ETSY shop that it got really bogged down. I purchased this computer on Amazon last summer so I knew it was still under warranty so I started a chat with the Hewlett-Packard service department.

After several questions, he began a remote scan of my computer. And in the process, he asked me if I’d ever added hardware to the computer. I had not. However, according to the serial number, my computer should have a lot less RAM and Hard Disk size. That means, the Amazon store I bought it from had boosted the RAM and put in a bigger hard drive…voiding the warranty. I have no recourse because it’s long past the 30 day return period. It was late in the day when I discovered this, and I found a number for the store that sold the computer on Amazon. I can call them and see if I have any recourse through them.

The Blennerhassett Mansion on Blennerhassett Island in the Ohio River.

Mr. FixIt went to the barber and walked his laps then he swung over to the other side of the Ohio River to view the flooding. Parkersburg has a flood wall and they closed it ahead of the rising water on Wednesday. Belpre and Marietta don’t have flood walls and they get a lot of water damage most springs…sometimes two or three times. As a matter of fact, Mr. FixIt owned a single wide trailer when he was young and first married. He had just moved it to a lot in Belpre when four days later, the river rose and flooded them out.

When I stayed on the river in 2015-16, there were several floods but I was way up high out of danger. But I have a healthy respect for floodwaters. They are powerful and can float whole houses away. That is why they tell you “Turn around, don’t drown!” Even a few inches of rushing water can sweep a car off the road. We just got a notification on our phones last night with the report of a local woman being swept away in her car by floodwaters. A Good Samaritan was trying to reach her to help her out when the car was flopped over by the strength of the water and she was gone. You become water aware when you are raised on the river. My prayers are with her and her family…and that kind man who tried to save her but couldn’t.

I think I’m going to need to go out to the farm soon to use the high speed internet to set some stuff done on my computer. I can get done in three hours what takes a whole day to do here. Maybe I can talk my sweetheart into joining me for a farm fix this weekend! Wouldn’t that be nice???

Be safe out there, y’all!

🌷

”The seas have lifted up, Lord, the seas have lifted up their voice; the seas have lifted up their pounding waves. Mightier than the thunder of the great waters, mightier than the breakers of the sea— the Lord on high is mighty.“
Psalms 93:3-4 NIV

The Little Lost Beagle

Sat, 30 Mar 2024 01:30:00 -0600

The view from the bedroom window. Flowering Quince and Forsythia.

We settled on Popcorn Pancakes for breakfast then I settled into the Big Red Chair to finish up the taxes. I vowed to finish them…no matter how long it took. My chair faces the full length glass storm door and I leave the inner door open so I can see out. Sometimes the cat comes to the door and talks to us, then lays in the warm sun on the stoop. As I was entering data in the forms on my laptop, something caught my eye. I looked up but barely caught the tail end of something as it ducked out of sight. Mr. FixIt said, “Hey! There’s a cute little dog out there in the yard!” I got up to see, and sure enough, there was the beagle that’s been keeping me awake for the last two nights.

I hear beagles barking a lot, but they’re way far off and they don’t bother me. But this little guy has been roaming all over our property and in the surrounding woods…baying and howling and barking up a storm day and night. It’s never come this close and I think it was looking for food. He wasn’t afraid of us…as a matter of fact, he came right up to us. Mr. FixIt went to get a little cat food for him while I tried to call the number on his collar. No answer. So I googled the owner’s name that was on the tag and it turns out, they live on the next road down.

I got a leash out of the building and we got the dog in the backseat of the truck and drove him on down. It just so happened, the doggie’s human was coming out of the house as we pulled into the driveway. I rolled the window down and asked him if he was by any chance missing a beagle. His eyes lit up and he said he’d been looking for him for about two or three days. It turns out, the little guy is about twelve years old and he can’t hear very well so he wasn’t coming to them. He was so happy to have him back and I was pleased to know the dog was well loved and missed.

We got back home and I had the taxes done in short order. SO happy to have another year behind me. And now that everything is on my new computer, it should be relatively easy next year. (Yeah….you’ve heard that before, right?) When you have finished submitting your tax returns in TurboTax, there is a screen that offers you the opportunity to buy next year’s software at this year’s price. I always do this because it usually saves me a few dollars. Well, I paid for it, hit enter, and what popped up as “Purchased” was 2023! The tax year I’d just finished!

I called the customer service at Intuit and got one of their outsourced phone centers. there was a bad connection and I could hear an echo of what I said to the person with about a four second delay. It got to the point that he was thinking I wasn’t answering, then I would interject and he’d already be saying something to me when my voice reached him. It was a mess and I’m not entirely sure we straightened things out, but I’ll check again today. I just didn’t have it in me to do anymore. I was getting hungry!

I’m bringing dessert to our Easter Dinner tomorrow at my WV daughter’s house. My bestie Gail sent me a recipe for Potica but after watching a video of how to make it, I decided that was WAY too industrious or me today as I have other things to do. So, I think I’ll make Grandma Lois’ Very Best Chocolate Cake and call it good! You can read about it on this post from several years ago. Grandma Lois isn’t with us anymore. She was my bestie Sue’s mom…my son-in-law’s grandma.

Now that the taxes are filed, I can get back to work catching up around here. It’s supposed to rain for the next five or six days so at least I know I won’t be mowing. I have a list as long as my arm of things that need doing, so there will be no lallygagging around here…that’s for sure!

🌷

”Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.“
1 John 4:11 NIV

#Taxes, #Baking, #Potica

Joy and Taxes!

Thu, 14 Mar 2024 01:30:00 -0600

I finally ordered a new pair of glasses from Zenni. They’re BLUE! I think I like them!!!

OMGosh! Yesterday was amazing! For as long as I can remember, the middle of March has felt like I’ve just been let out of prison. I will admit, this past winter was not difficult for me at all. I attribute that to the lifestyle changes I made at the beginning of 2023, however…I still felt that little thrill of being “let out.”

Mr. FixIt and I went to town late yesterday afternoon to pick up ten more bags of topsoil for my flower bed. Bless his heart. He did go down to the creek bank and dig up a wheelbarrow load of dirt. That didn’t put a dent in it and about killed his back. So I insisted we buy the rest. It’s only $2.44 a bag at Walmart. No need to ruin your back over it. He got the rest of the dirt in the bed in time to come in to watch the news. We stopped for Chinese food on our way home so I didn’t have to cook. Bonus!

I sat down to back up the 2022 tax files from my old computer. Can anyone guess what that entailed? If you’ve been reading this blog for longer than a year, you know I go through this annual scavenger hunt trying to update my laptops, download all the financials, run the reports, then install and start the taxes. I started this a couple of weeks ago and had what I thought was the worst of it behind me. Then when I went to The Farm last week and discovered my old files weren’t on the new laptop, I knew it was going to be a repeat of the last several years.

*sigh*

I also needed to send the photos and description of the handmade items I’m donating to the Girl Camper Raffle to benefit the Hold You Foundation. It just so happened, the two possums and a squirrel that are in charge of our WiFi were nowhere to be found. The TV was buffering. And the internet was practically nonexistent. That’s when I decided I’d had enough for the day. I went out to the camper, with my iPad and a hot mug of my coffee substitute, to write this post and knit in peace.

It was so warm yesterday that I actually opened the windows of the camper and basked in the cool evening air. What a heavenly feeling. I really love this camper. It was the smartest thing we ever did taking the dinette out and installing this double recliner. It’s SO comfy!

We have another two or three days of these warmer temperatures then we have a cold front coming again. It will be cold next week when we are gathering at my friend’s house for a knitting retreat. That will be perfect weather for soups, warm socks, and knitting with my besties!

Look for the goodness in every day…even when there is darkness. You can hold them both at the same time.

With joy…and taxes,

Ginny

🌷

”Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.“
John 16:24 NIV

You’ve Got a Friend

Mon, 19 Feb 2024 02:30:00 -0600

I really DO give up. This is a lot harder than it looks. Don’t ever tell someone who knits on a circular knitting machine that it isn’t homemade.

Mr. FixIt went to the bowling alley to visit with his buddies last night. He left me with the TV remote and I was trying to download something onto an ancient laptop. As usual, when my sweetie isn’t in control of the television viewing, I head to YouTube and promptly fall down a rabbit hole of guilty pleasure…watching any number of videos. Sometimes I just land on the video of a crackling fire and snuggle up with a good book. Other times I search for how-to videos if it will help me with a current project.

Last night, I settled on music videos. I didn’t watch the Grammys this year so I missed the incredible performances of Tracy Chapman and Luke Combs singing Fast Car and the beautiful Joni Mitchell singing Both Sides Now. That sent me on a search of their earlier videos and then I stumbled on Carole King at the Kennedy Center Honors where Aretha Franklin sang Natural Woman and made President Obama cry.

One of my very first albums was Tapestry by Carole King. We had one of those little stereos that would play a record over and over. Drove my dad nuts so I would turn it down enough to keep him from going ‘round the bend. Then I’d lay down on the floor and position a speaker on either side of my head and I was lost in the rhythm and lyrics for hours. It was my coming-of-age anthem album and I loved her to the moon and back.

Life moved on. I finished school, got married, moved to England and listened to Carole and Elton and Rod on an 8-Track as I cooked and cleaned in our little flat. Music was always the undercurrent of my life. It carried me through myriad heartbreaks. It buoyed my spirits and soothed my loneliness and encouraged me to rise up every time I fell.

Music became my love language and during my second marriage, when we didn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of when my husband was in medical school, we always had the radio playing in the background. Musical interests grew and changed as we got older and began to be the thermometer of where we were in our relationship.

After another divorce and a badly bruised ego, live music became an avid interest and I went whenever I could. I saw James Taylor, John Denver, America, Three Dog Night, The Temptations, Anita Baker…so many great concerts large and small. I never got to see Carole King in concert, but I did get to meet her and have an incredible experience. She was campaigning for John Kerry and came to the Daily Bread…a little restaurant on the Main Street of Glenwood Springs.

She spoke on women’s rights and the importance of raising our voices to be heard. Then, she sat down with her guitar and led us in song. We all sang You’ve Got a Friend and it’s a moment I will never forget. This tiny little dynamo of a woman with wild curls and signature sound reminded me…I may be going through a rough patch and a divorce I didn’t want, but I had friends. And that’s not for nuthin’.

I didn’t get much accomplished yesterday. It was Sunday and a day of rest. I chatted with friends and family. I read and listened to music. I didn’t cook…like, at all! I let Mr. FixIt take care of me for a change. It was really nice.

🩵

”Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.“
1 Thessalonians 5:11 NIV

The Need to Fix Things

Fri, 16 Feb 2024 02:30:00 -0600

When I was camping last week, I woke up after a great night’s sleep and looked around. I love this little camper…especially after I installed the new double recliner. It is so comfy and cozy…little, but the slide out makes the room seem much bigger. As I looked around my eyes settled on the ceiling. I have just enough artsy OCD in me that this ceiling bugs the dickens out of me. And I have enough self-awareness to know I’ll never do anything about it.

When I’m sitting in my Big Red Chair with ten projects half done in baskets around my feet, it doesn’t bother me a bit. But when I go to a hotel and I set out my personal items on the vanity…I place them precisely where I want them. And they have to stay there during the whole trip. I have no idea why, but I like the way it looks and makes the trip seem like a celebration for some reason.

I have to straighten picture frames, even if it’s in someone else’s house. I can’t go to bed with dirty dishes. I finally gave up on trying to keep my spices in alphabetical order. And I still make piles, but they’re MY piles. I know where everything is. lol

Yesterday was a very busy day. I saw my dry eye doctor…things have improved tremendously! I just need to keep on doing what I’m doing and I’ll be much better. Mr. FixIt thought that was the only thing I needed to do so he thought he’d ride in with me and work on his friend Joe’s storm door. That wasn’t going to happen. I had to go get blood drawn for an appointment next week. Then I went to the Bodega Coffee Shop and sipped a lovely chai latte and read a book I bought last year and have never taken the time for. I needed to me time.

I grabbed a quick salad at Wendy’s then spent the better part of the afternoon in the doctor’s office. Then it was a big trip to Sam’s and Wally World and it was dark by the time I got home. You don’t just walk in and relax after a trip like that. Everything has to come in the house. In order to fit the new things in the fridge, the old things have to be thrown away. In order to throw things out, the trash has to be emptied. Then all THOSE dishes have to be washed. It was quite a while before I got to settle in my Big Red Chair and write.

Snow is in the forecast here for tonight and tomorrow. How much is up for debate…maybe a couple of inches. Most of our storms come in from the southwest but this one looks to be coming in from the northwest and that brings in colder air. We’ve had more snow this winter than we have for a few years. But I’m ready. I have stocked up and don’t have to go anywhere till Monday for Knitting Group.

I’ll be happy as a clam all tucked in here at home, working on my projects.

That’s a Feel Good Friday in my book!

🩵

”Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”“
Mark 6:31 NIV

A Nerve Wracking Day

Thu, 08 Feb 2024 02:30:00 -0600

I was thrilled that Mr. FixIt felt much better when he woke up yesterday. I fixed him his favorite breakfast…a big steaming bowl of creamy grits and eggs. The sun was shining and it was beautiful day.

Someone I love very much was having surgery yesterday and I sat on pins and needles till I heard everything went well and they were in their room having lunch.

While I was waiting to hear about my friend, I received a phone call about someone else I love very much. They were on the way to the hospital via ambulance and it didn’t look good. Extremely high pulse, extremely low BP, chest pain, nausea and vomiting. I was scared.

I spent the day waiting to hear word and finally at the end of the day we heard the doctors were admitting them to the hospital. He was stabile and they’ll watch him overnight and do more tests today.

So, here I am…sitting here relieved and thanking God for prayers answered and praying for the future of these two loved ones. And in the meantime, Big is preparing to swim in an important meet this weekend. Her parents get to be there to watch and I get to see it on the computer.

We never know what a day will bring, do we? We have plans. We expect things to go to plan. And when things don’t go to plan, we have to remind ourselves who’s really pulling the strings here. Wasn’t it John Lennon who said life is what happens when we’re making other plans? I’ve also heard folks say we make our plans and God laughs and laughs.

The thing is, we really DON’T know. We plan and we hope but if we become too heavily invested in certain outcomes we become rigid and inflexible. Take the rained out wedding. The bride can be so heavily invested in her storybook day being perfect that she misses the chance to dance in the rain or take pictures with a rainbow.

I’m grateful for the way the day turned out.

🩵

”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.“
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

I Want To Do ALL The Things!

Mon, 05 Feb 2024 02:30:00 -0600

I’m getting close to finishing the market bag that I’ve been crocheting. I am on the last ball of yarn. I’ll do a few more rows then crochet a border across the top and make handles and I can move on to something else. I was chatting with one of my long time besties while I was out at The Farm. She was kind enough to give me a pleater for smocking when I was in Colorado last summer. She wondered if I’d done anything on it yet and of course…that’s all it took to light the fire.

There just aren’t enough hours in the day. When I had my little needlework shop in my 40’s, I taught classes on all kinds of things. When Daughter #2 was little, I smocked sweet little collars that you could button over top of a dress. That way, when the dress was too little, you could keep the collar a while longer before it too was too small to wear.

I purchased four tubs of fabric last summer at a friends garage sale. I used to make smocked Christmas ornaments and I’m thinking I might be able to salvage some fabrics in there that I can use. That aligns with this year’s words… “Use it Up!” Another thing. I want to do all the things and time is passing by far too quickly.

You can’t throw a stick out Grandma’s road without hitting relatives. One of my mom’s cousins lives about a mile or so from The Farm and I was talking to her daughter-in-law on Saturday night. I knew she lost her husband last fall, but I didn’t realize she’d had a stroke in November. People I know and love are getting debilitating and life threatening diseases and conditions. The fact that we’re running out of productivity time is not lost on me. I want to do ALL of the things!

That’s one reason I stay so busy. It keeps my brain active and holds the winter blues at bay. It allows me to create things that hopefully my family will treasure in years to come as coming from an ancestor. And it just plain brings me great joy to create something from nothing with my own two hands.

I’m trying to prioritize. I’m a Gemini. I bounce from thing to thing so fast it will make your head spin. I can be into something 110% on Monday and by Thursday it’s on to something else. After having the needlework shop, I was SO burned out on all things needle that it took YEARS to pick any handwork up again. Everything fell by the wayside after Mr. Virgo died…till I was finally able to concentrate enough to do anything.

Since I’ve discovered the joy of needle crafts again, I WANT TO DO ALL THE THINGS!

This is where I need to utilize self discipline and remember… “Use it Up!” Because it would be SO easy to let that Gemini brain go overboard and get ALL the tools and gadgets that go with it. I’ve been watching videos on other needle disciplines and I think I’m ready to change things up just a little. It might just be time to pull out that pleater and see what I can get into. I’ll have more great grand babies one of these days and I can always make sweet things and set them aside for future gifts. It’s sort of like when we were young and kept a hope chest for the things we would need as a new wife.

My daughter has the hope chest (sometimes called a cedar chest) that her dad gave me for my 18th birthday. I put linens and pieces of silver and crystal in it. Crocheted doilies, embroidered pillow cases, quilts…all went in the hope chest. Did any of you have one? What did you keep in yours? Do you still have it?

🩵

”There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.“
1 Corinthians 12:4-6 NIV

#Crafts, #Needlework, #Smocking

In Loving Service to Our Fellow Classmates

Thu, 11 Jan 2024 02:30:00 -0600

My Beloved Alma Mater

Our high school class was huge. Somewhere between 700 and 800 kids. One would think it impossible to know more than two or three dozen of the kids. But, our class was extraordinarily tight. There were cliques, for sure. There were jocks and nerds and stoners…but most of my friends were happy to just love everybody.

We have a group of people who adopted one of the big flower beds in the City Park. For over ten years, they have religiously tended that garden, making it one of the showpieces at the entrance of the park. One very dedicated classmate has taken care of the memorial and flower fund for as long as I can remember. We send her checks periodically to fill the coffers and there has never been a former classmate go without something from us to show their family they have not been forgotten.

Somewhere along the line, one of our fellow classmates started a Facebook page for our class and that really started the ball rolling. We were able to reach out to our classmates all across the country and we became even tighter. As time went on, we started losing more and more people and it occurred to me that, should the page administrator pass away, no one else could access our page and that wouldn’t do. I reached out to the administrator..a gal from my home room…and she added me as a page admin. I in turn added another friend who was willing to help out. Having three admins just made more sense to us and it’s gone smoothly ever since.

My main duty is keeping a close eye on two of the most important files of the page… “Where Are You/They Now?” and “Gone, But Not Forgotten.” If I don’t catch news of a death, or things get hectic and I don’t get the pages updated in a timely fashion, I can count on my friends to be sure I’m up to speed. Over the years, I’ve had people say they wish the lists had pictures to go with the names on the list. Not everyone has their high school yearbook anymore and as we age, our memories fade.

We lost three classmates in the span of the last two weeks. I was going through my list yesterday and one of the things on it was to update the page. Since I was going to be on there anyway, I decided to start on the Memorial Wall and add photos from our yearbook. As of today, we have lost 139 classmates, and I at least wanted them to have a photo by their name. So, I sat down and got to work.

Mr. FixIt went to town yesterday to help his friend Joe fix a toilet. I knew I’d have a quiet house in which to work. By 10:00, I had that list complete. I will plug along and get photos on the other list as I have time. But, I felt really good getting that part finished. That’s just one thing checked off the list. Today’s a new day…and I’ll be checking my list to see what I can get into next!

❄️

”As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace:“
1 Peter 4:10 ESV

Day One: 2024

Tue, 02 Jan 2024 02:30:00 -0600

New Year, New Project. Crocheting a scrappy yarn basket to use up some of my stash. Use it Up!!!

New Year’s Day. A clean slate. An unwritten book with 365 pages. It’s exciting and filled with hope for great things. What we need to remember is…it’s not infallible. We will not do it perfectly. We’ll make mistakes and we’ll be so tempted to give up and say, “See? Nothing works out!” Or “I knew it was too good to be true!” Spending our lives waiting for the other shoe to drop then giving up and going back to what clearly didn’t work last year isn’t the answer. Flexibility is the name of the game. Flexibility and determination. That’s how you’ll keep coming back and trying again.

I took a four day break from Noom to enjoy the end of the year…guilt free. I’m sure when I get back on the scale this morning, the number will be higher than it was before…but that little number doesn’t define who I am or quantify my worth. All I have to do is get up, recommit to my program, and follow through with the steps I need to meet my goals. That applies to everything in life. When I was abusing alcohol and prescription medications, I had to face my addictions every day as if it were the first.

I chose sobriety on January 6, 2000. Or rather…it chose me. I overdosed with a lethal cocktail and through the grace of God, I survived it. It’s not enough to survive, though. You need to learn to thrive or else you can stay in the victim seat…and that’s no way to live either.

I’ve been blessed to have the people and the resources to get my life back on track. Sobriety is not just a young person’s game. It’s never too late to make changes in your life. Make a decision. Look for the resources to support you. Look for even the smallest of achievements and praise yourself when you make them. And forgive yourself when you slip. Then get back up and start again, no matter how many times you need to.

Through a lot of prayer, study, therapy, and deep introspection, I learned that my addictions stemmed from my inability to love and forgive…myself and others… for things that happened as far back as I can remember. It took me far too long to let go and let God run my life instead of me trying to hold the reins. It took learning to trust that He had plans for me…that He loved me…and that, since I was made in His image…I needed to love myself.

Yes…it’s a new year of new beginnings. I pray your very first choice this year is to love God…and love yourself. You are so worthy of love, dear one.

🩵

”You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.“
Song of Solomon 4:7 ESV

Use It Up!

Sun, 31 Dec 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I worked for days getting everything just so. The house was festive and tidy. It smelled of roast pork, chili, and cinnamon rolls, and everything came out together and perfectly. Our first to guests arrived precisely at 1:00 as scheduled. The Former Mrs. FixIt and the daughter she so generously shares with me were dressed in their holiday finest. We knew our son and his family would not be coming because of Covid, so we sat and talked and nibbled on fudge and cookies while I put the finishing touches on the meal. I made the frosting for the cinnamon rolls, then we took our drinks to the living room and chatted.

After nearly an hour, we started wondering where everyone was. We couldn’t reach our grandson and his girlfriend, but we reached our granddaughter and she had totally forgotten today was the party. They quickly got ready and came on out. We had to make it quick because our granddaughter had to work last night. We enjoyed the good food and had fun exchanging gifts. And before we knew it, they were off and on their way home. TFMF and daughter stayed on and we had so much fun chatting and nibbling through the afternoon. Then, when it was clear the sun would be setting soon, they too went home…loaded down with lots of food and goodies and gifts.

We make plans and God laughs and laughs. We have no real control when it comes to the schedules or attendance of others. Our grandson’s girlfriend texted us later in the evening and apologized profusely. They had to take the kids back to their mom’s and they laid down “for just a minute” and three hours later, they awoke to my text. Our grandson doesn’t have to head back to work till sometime next week so we will get together with them for dinner at their house in the next couple of days.

I was so organized this year. By the time I had the food ready to serve, all the cooking utensils were washed and put away. I felt so calm and in control because there was no last minute rushing around. It was all so easy and laid back and that added to the joy.

And, here we are at the end of another year and it’s just so hard to believe how quickly the time goes. Our little great granddaughter hugged me when she got there and said, “Hey, Gigi! I’m SIX!!!” What??? You were just a newborn. She reminds me how long I’ve been a part of this family. The first time I met the Former Mrs. FixIt, this little great-grand was a newborn.

Getting a head start on Christmas 2024…knitted Gingerbread Boys ornaments!

Looking back over the past year, I am pleased with where I am today. I’m more fit, healthy, weigh less…all of which has improved my mental health. I can’t remember the last time I had an anxiety reaction. I sleep better, I’m happier, and overall, I think I’m a better person than I was heading into the year.

We have a fresh new year in front of us. Some of how it turns out is beyond our control, but we can still affect our environments…inner and outer. Maintaining good relationships, leaving more than we take, spreading love and kindness, being good stewards of what we have been given all help us live a happier and healthier life.

I always choose a word to focus on for the new year. My word for 2023 was CHANGE and boy, howdy…I pulled that one off in spades! I’ve been thinking about my focus word for the coming year and rather than choose just one, I’ve chosen a phrase…

USE IT UP!!!

I have SO much stuff here at the house. This year I am going to use my stash before I buy one more thing. I’m going to dive into my art and use up some of my supplies. I want to look around at what we have and find ways of repurposing and sending it out to others to bring beauty into the world. I want to use up every minute of every day in a way that both gives and brings joy.

Lastly, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for hanging out with me here this past year. I might have quit this blog a long time ago if it wasn’t for you’re love and support along the way. My prayers are with you all for a wonderful, happy, and healthy 2024.

⌛️

”The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.“
Proverbs 16:9 ESV

Breathing a Sigh of Relief

Fri, 17 Nov 2023 02:30:00 -0600

Remember the photo I showed you last week…well, the living room is ready to be decorated for the holidays now! Whew…it took me forever!

I’m telling you, having my living space messy and disorganized drives me buggy. However, having ADHD and being somewhere on the autism spectrum keeps me from keeping it neat and tidy. When it’s out of control, it’s completely overwhelming and it’s hard to even know where to start. Once I get a “wild hair” and get into it, I can get it done. It may take me three times longer than most people, but when Mr. FixIt came home from town yesterday to a clean and peaceful house, I could see the tension of the day melt off of him, too.

My Big Red Chair is inviting me in for a day of knitting!

One thing I do to keep me on task and soothe my runaway brain while I work is to put on soft, soothing music. I just ask Echo to play the Spa Channel and those beautiful sounds bring calm to my world and settles my hyper brain right down. That allows me to move rhythmically from one chore to the next and eventually it all gets done. I told Mr. FixIt that the front half of the house is clean now. He just needs to go through his side of the coat closet, and I need to work on the office. One room at a time and we ought to be in good shape by the holidays.

A recent purchase sits on Mr. FixIt’s antique piano stool. I bought the birdhouse at Lonnie’s store in East Palestine this fall knowing it would look pretty by the back door.

I didn’t have anything set out for supper so I looked in the freezer. I had the last two of those turkey burgers I made and froze last month. I asked him if that was good. He said yes, but he wanted French fries. So, he ran over to the Piggly Wiggly and bought a bag of frozen crinkle cut fries and I put them in the air fryer. I don’t used that appliance nearly as much as I should, but it’s the only way to make fries and they don’t break my diet.

I also bought a primitive wire hat rack at Lonnie’s. I have my PopPop’s hat on display above his old lunch pail that sits beside Grandma’s church registry photo.

It’s really nice to finish the day with a sense of satisfaction. A job well done boosts your self-esteem. I’m going to take today off and just enjoy my work. I want to pick up my knitting and have a calm and peaceful day. Mr. FixIt has been in town every day this week and he’s looking forward to not going anywhere, either. I wanted to thank you all for your kind words about the cooking video I posted. It’s made me think about others that I can do and maybe open up a whole new window into the world here at Marshmallow Ranch.

A cozy corner over by the big windows.

Happy Friday, everyone! What are YOU doing for yourself to feel good today?

🍁

“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”
Proverbs 16:3 ESV

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Better be Good…Santa’s Watching! Simply stated design speaks for itself!

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Novem-BRRRRRRR!

Wed, 01 Nov 2023 01:30:00 -0600

Just a small fraction of the elephant ears I pulled up yesterday.

Yes, it’s getting pretty darned cold in West Virginia the next few days. The bad news is…the furnace is not fixed. We’ve tried everything. We went to town yesterday…Mr. FixIt riding shotgun with a mask. (It was a clever Halloween costume!) We went to the furnace parts store and the lady at the desk said not to waste our money buying more parts. The Furnace Doctor diagnosed the problem as a bad heat exchanger. NOT a cheap fix. However, the good news is, the repairman will be here on Thursday morning!!! We did our best. It’s time to call in the pros!

We are about a week late in getting the winter preparations done here at Marshmallow Ranch. Yesterday was the last day to get the Elephant Ear bulbs up out of the ground before it freezes and kills them. Mr. FixIt has always done this particular job. He cuts down the green tops of the plant then digs up the bulbs. There’s always a lot of dirt left on them. Then he puts them in bins and puts them in the basement to dry and keep safe over the winter.

I am always looking for an easier, simpler way to do things. Not that I’m afraid of hard work or that I want to take the easy way. It’s more like a “work smarter, not harder” mentality. So, I stood there looking at the long row of plants with a machete in my hand. I cogitated a bit, then the light bulb went on. I got a bucket and filled it with water. Then I went along the row and pulled each plant up by the tough green stems.

We’ve been improving this particular section of the yard yearly by adding a bag or two of loose, rich top soil. Since it rained this week and the soil is more porous, The bulbs came up quite easily. Once they were all up and laying on the ground, I swished each of them one at a time in the water, removing all the dirt from the roots. Then I chopped off the green part with the machete and threw the bulb into the plastic bin. Voila! While it was still a lot of work, it was MUCH easier than taking the shovel to them. Mr. FixIt was impressed and said from now on, we’ll pull them up!

Cleaned, trimmed, and ready to go to the basement to store over the winter. This is one of three bins!

When we were finished with the bulbs, I cleaned some of the black walnuts. I am NOT going to clean and shell three bushels of nuts. The squirrels are having a big time hiding them in the woodpile. I did get a bucket full and that might give me enough nuts to bake a batch of Grandma’s Raisin Filled Cookies that I can take to my Uncle Bud. He loved those and Grandma always had a batch ready for him when he came for a visit.

As soon as we were done, we had to run into town to pick up prescriptions. I have decided “adulting” consists of two things: going to town to pick up prescriptions and cleaning up after cooking a meal so you can cook another meal and do the dishes so you can cook another meal and do the dishes so you can cook another meal….ad infinitum till you’re dead. And I SO clearly remember saying I couldn’t WAIT to grow up then I could do what I wanted! lol

November is NaNoWriMo. In case you don’t know what that is, it’s really a thing. National Novel Writing Month was initiated in 1999 as a way for writers to encourage each other to finish all those WIP’s…works in progress. The book I wrote after Mr. Virgo died has been simmering on the back burner for at least six or seven years. It’s time to actually DO something with it. My daughter-in-law is a writer and she always does something for NaNoWriMo. She knows I’ve been sitting on this particular fence for a long time and contacted me a week or so ago. She wanted to know if I’d like to be writing buddies….a sort of accountability partner to keep each other motivated. I was all over it! So, I’ve informed Mr. FixIt this is it…I’ve committed to writing every day in November and he’s behind me 100%.

It’s the perfect week to hole up in the office and get creative. Keep the tea kettle on!!!

👩🏼‍💻

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
Colossians 3:17 ESV

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Legend has it that when a cardinal appears, an angel is visiting their loved one. I’ve always loved the sentiment of that and think of my loved ones who’ve gone before me every time I see that flash of red in the snow.

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The Kindness Strategy

Tue, 31 Oct 2023 01:30:00 -0600

I opened my eyes to the sound of the bedroom door being gently closed…my husband’s attempt to keep from awakening me. I smiled because that meant he was feeling better…up making tea and getting his day started as usual. Such good news. I turned and looked out the bedroom window at the ridge beyond the far field. It was a dull, grey morning with a steady misty rain making everything look like a faded WWII movie in an English countryside.

By this time of the year, the majority of the leaves have fallen…blown away by the wind and rain. Rather than a dismal view, I was greeted by Autumn’s bold invitation to look deeper at the waning colors. While most of the leaves of the giant sycamore trees have fallen, those in the uppermost branches retain their last flash of color looking all the world like starry crowns. While I love the flashy bright colors of early fall, it’s these days that draw me in closer.

West Virginia is covered with dense deciduous forests in a tangle of underbrush. The first time you see a bit of color is in the spring when the redbud and dogwood trees bloom before the rest of the trees leaf out. Now, at the end of their growth cycle, that dense under canopy pops with bright reds, oranges, and yellows. It’s Mother Nature’s curtain call…the encore that you might totally miss if you don’t look deeper and pay attention.

A lot of life works in the same way…inviting us in to see the rare beauty after the really big show. That which draws us in touches our spirits and forces us to find the magic in life. If you watch the main stream new outlets, you are likely to see only the sensational and the gaudy…the ugly and the frightening. Because that’s what sells. That’s what stirs up the populace to gather pitchforks and torches, pitting neighbor against neighbor.

You may sit there in your chair with your morning coffee and think, “What difference can I make? The world is so big, and I am so small.” Well, this is true…but, let me tell you something. The smallest, most insignificant gesture sent out towards another will cause a small shift in the forces of nature. It will spread like the ripples of a pond, every growing till it crashes into another’s love-sent ripple. And eventually, the tide will shift, a voice will grow, a heart will mend. No kindness will be unnoticed.

Every single thing we do, good or bad, will be reflected through the large lens of life. I prefer to send out love and light and peace into the world because I know that will feed the planet. If you want a garden to grow, you don’t throw seeds out on the parched earth and expect to grow anything. You have to break the ground open with diligence and strength. You have to plant the seeds with service and hope. You have to fertilize and water the garden with an abundance of love and light in order for it to grow into a rich harvest.

God gives us every one of the tools we need to do this. I saw a meme yesterday. I can’t find it now, but I’ll paraphrase.

Narrator: Imagine you have been assigned to the crew of a starship.
You: Cool!
Narrator: But, the time travel is really, really slow and you’ll be with a lot of other crew members for a really long time.
You: Oh, ok. We would have to cooperate and get along and make compromises in order to finish our mission successfully?
Narrator: Yes, that’s exactly right.
You: I can do that! By the way…what’s the name of the starship?

Narrator: Earth.

🌎

“She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
Proverbs 31:26 ESV

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Peace on Earth…Goodwill to All

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Good Men Honor Their Wives

Mon, 30 Oct 2023 01:30:00 -0600

Hiking the dunes on the Outer Banks with Mr. FixIt.

Mr. FixIt continues to improve. He has a good appetite again. I was working on the computer in the afternoon and he called me to see if I would go to the store and get him some hotdogs and baked beans. He’s eating a lot of fruit and, of course, his Pineapple Upside Down Cake. It’s good to see that smile and his sunny disposition coming back. It’s hard not to give him a hug and a kiss, but I really don’t want to get sick and he would feel terrible if he gave me Covid. So we give a lot of “air kisses” as we pass each other.

I spoke with my Uncle Bud the other night about the problems Mr. FixIt has been having with the furnace. He suggested we open it up and vacuum out every little crevice and tube we could reach and see if that would help. We did that yesterday. I asked Mr. FixIt to please wear a mask. He doesn’t need all that dust down in his lungs right now and he politely complied. When we turned the furnace back on, it lit up just like it was supposed to. We turned it off and on several times and it worked just right. It still gives off a peculiar odor outside so we still need to have someone come out and investigate that, but the furnace itself seems to be functioning normally now. Three cheers for my man!!!

It rained here most of the day. Cold, low hanging clouds scudded across the sky. Wet leaves plastered themselves to every available surface. Telltale evidence of small critters getting into the walnuts was apparent near the back gate. I really don’t think it was anything big because I would have heard it out the bedroom window during the night. And there’s been nothing big enough to trip the security cameras to record.

I fiddled on the computer all day, playing with some designs. It was all prep work so there’s nothing to show for it yet. Maybe tomorrow. I’ve desperately needed this rest. My body has craved down time. My mind is enjoying the gentle rhythms of these slow, rainy days. I do need to start attacking the family room and get that camping gear stowed away. I gave serious thought to sleeping in the camper last night because the low was only supposed to be 53°. But, I just didn’t have it in me to fight with the Asian Lady Beetles and Stink Bugs. I have to go out to the farm in the next couple of days to check the furnace and stoves. Maybe I’ll be able to sneak in an overnight for a little farm fix if Mr. FixIt is feeling up to it.

When I got off the phone with my uncle, I was thinking how he’s so much like my PopPop…kind, easy going, slow to anger…quick to love. Quick to love and honor their wives. I smiled when I realized…I married a man just like them. My uncle is handy, resourceful, and can fix anything…just like Mr. FixIt. He cared for my aunt and his sister to the very end. It makes me happy, and proud, to have a husband like the two men I looked up to the most in my formative years. My world feels settled and peaceful these days…something I’ve longed for all my life.

🍁

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
1 Peter 3:7 ESV

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We are heading into the Season of Thanksgiving. It is more than a day in which to overindulge in goodies or yell at the refs on TV or watch a parade. It’s a time to consider the blessings we have in our everyday lives. The unsettling circumstances of the world should be an impetus to give us pause…to reflect, to praise, and to feel gratitude for all we have.

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9/11 Remembrance Day

Mon, 11 Sep 2023 01:30:00 -0600

Photo Credit: 9/11Memorial.org

Those of us who were glued to the TV for days will never forget where we were or what we were doing that dreadful day. We must never forget. For those who forget our history are doomed to repeat it. Our world changed that day…one of those pivitol moments where you can never go back to the way it was before. A collective grief. And now, a place rebuilt from the ashes. A place to remember, but also a place to live…the way those lost would want us to live.

Let’s remember the camaraderie we felt toward each other in those weeks and months after the disaster. We can get back to that. Let’s make America KIND again. Let’s bring back HOPE, and LOVE, and PEACE.

Please.

https://www.911memorial.org/connect/commemoration

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.”
‭‭John‬ ‭13‬:‭34‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Getting Things Done

Sun, 10 Sep 2023 01:30:00 -0600

When Mr. FixIt and I were drinking our morning beverages yesterday, he asked if I wanted to go to town with him. Our Bonus Daughter and her daughter were having a yard sale. Our only great granddaughter was selling lemonade so, of COURSE we had to go. Clearly I had other things lined up that need doing before I head out to camp with Gail tomorrow, but the biggest takeaway from losing Mr. Virgo is just how quickly it all can change. I slipped on my tennies and we were off.

Fortunately, it didn’t turn into a terribly long day. We had a wonderful time. The kids were playing on the porch. Little Girl and I played Princesses and Little Boy showed me his Slime. The Former Mrs. FixIt was there. Once it was time to go, Mr. FixIt and I stopped at some garage sales down the street and The Former Mr. FixIt was right behind us. We looked at all the treasures and ended up splitting a set of knives. Neither one of us needed all of them.

At the last sale, we ran into another guy we graduated with. In the course of conversation, there were two other women there who were widows. I made a beeline for them and gave them a hug and asked how they were doing. If you know, you know. We get it. We’re in a club we didn’t ask for. When they learned I went on and married my bestie from high school, they both said they didn’t think that was in the cards for them.

It may not be. Not everyone who becomes a widow or a widower want or need to be in a relationship again. But you never know when God is going to drop someone on your doorstep. If you’re open to another relationship, you’ll likely notice them. If you aren’t, you may not even see that ship that passes in the night. Either way, it’s ok. You’ll know if it’s right for you or not.

We stopped at Mary B’s on the way home and had a quick early supper. I almost always get Liver and Onions there. It’s such a comfort food, hearty, and feels like a total splurge while not really being that high in calories. We got home and looked at a couple of episodes of a series we’ve been watching lately. It’s about solving cold cases. That kind of show appeals to my science side and my data gathering skills. I popped some popcorn and then just about finished the kitchen. I still need to wipe down the cabinets, clean the stove and oven, and mop the floor.

Whew, this was quite a chore! I’m really glad to be past this job. It’s a lot easier to keep a room clean, a little at a time every day, than it is to tear it apart and do a deep cleaning. Hopefully we’ll keep up with it. Now I can spend some time getting the camper ready to leave tomorrow for four days and nights of relaxation, knitting, checking out antique shops, and doing whatever our little hearts desire. I think I’ve earned this little getaway!

Today is Mr. Virgo’s birthday. He would have been 73 today. That is hard for me to imagine. He will always be 62 years old in my head. I don’t often dwell on his loss anymore. It doesn’t really serve me and ends up just making me sad. So, I throw myself into a project and think it through in bites…just like getting through the project. By the time I’m through, I have something beautiful to look back on and I’m here…in this moment.

Living a good life.

Happy Birthday, Mr. Virgo!

“She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.”
Proverbs 31:27 NLT

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No ads today. Enjoy your Sunday!

In Over My Head

Thu, 07 Sep 2023 01:30:00 -0600

I will be the first to admit, I’ve never been the best at keeping house. I mean…it’s not dirty. There aren’t roaches or bedbugs. But, I’m just like my grandma…I would MUCH rather be outside on the tractor or with my hands in the dirt or writing or doing art or camping. Let’s face it, I would rather be doing just about anything besides housework.

It gets particularly bad in the summer. Between camping and mowing, things just get put down…not put away. Mr. FixIt is one of the most patient people I’ve ever met. I drove all three of my other husbands crazy with my messy piles and things you have to walk around. So, the other night when I heard a slight hint of aggravation in his voice as he declared there wasn’t any place in the kitchen to set something down, I knew I’d just about pushed the envelope as far as I dared go.

I got up way before my sweetheart and headed in to the kitchen first thing yesterday morning. I fixed my yummy cup of RYZE Mushroom Coffee and set to work. The first thing was to go through the spices. It’s been a few years since I had and they really needed cleared out and out of date stuff tossed. I took out the Lazy Susans and gave them a good wash and wiped down the inside of the cupboards. Once the outdated spices were gone, I put just what I needed back in the cabinet and the ones I use the most in the basket next to the stove.

Ever since the covid lockdown and my foray into baking sourdough, there have been four huge jars of different varieties of flour on the counter. Between them and my Kitchen Aid stand mixer, they were taking up entirely too much room. I couldn’t tackle that until I worked on the storage shelves in the hall in back of the kitchen. Again, covid found me canning to my heart’s content and some of the things I canned just missed the mark. Like all that butternut squash.

I don’t know if they were a little two ripe or if it’s normal for them to pretty much turn into a soggy mess, but they never looked appealing to me. I had about twenty pints of it canned in 2020 and I’d never once cooked with it. I also had about ten pints of bread and butter pickled zucchini. I don’t know what I was thinking when I put these up, but I just put a couple teaspoons of Pickling Spice in each jar. In my mind, they were going to be softened by the canning process. Not so much. They were like eating pickles with potpourri in them. I always felt they tasting like I swept up the sidewalk and just dumped it in my pickles. I knew we were never going to eat them either, so out they went!

With the shelves all cleaned and reorganized, I had room to put the large jars of flour on the bottom shelf, thus making more room in my galley kitchen. After washing all the dishes and jars and putting them away, I was finished for the day. My accomplishment? I cleaned one cupboard and about three feet of counter space. But it’s a start. Mr. FixIt came home from his trip to town to pick up the new garage door and I helped him unload it. It started thundering at 9:30 last night so we went out and covered it with a tarp to keep the box from getting wet.

I discovered something new for supper. I’ve been craving Mexican food, so I bought some Taco Seasoned Ground Turkey and fixed lo-cal burritos for supper. They were really good. I used Ole Brand High Protein Tortillas (that are only fifty calories each), a couple tablespoons full of the ground turkey, a generous pinch of finely grated low fat mozzarella cheese, and a serving spoon of my home canned pinto beans. I added shredded lettuce and a generous spoonful of salsa and it was a low fat, quick, and yummy meal!

Mr. FixIt has to go to town again today to do something for his friend Joe. He’s also going to get the oil changed and tires rotated on my truck for me. I’m staying home and continuing on the big purge of the pantry next. I know I always feel so much more at ease when my environment is tidy. It’s just so hard to get it and keep it that way.

“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.”
Colossians 3:23 NLT

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Boo Pumpkins!

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What a Week

Fri, 25 Aug 2023 01:30:00 -0600

We couldn’t tell which way to turn on Tuesday. It started out with this great breakfast…French toast, turkey sausage, and a sliced fresh peach. It was divine and pretty lo-cal considering. Then I had a hankering for spaghetti last night so I trimmed down my usual recipe to make a passable meal.

Other than a little cooking and cleaning and a quick trip over the hill to the Post Office, we didn’t do much. I worked on the computer in my Big Red Chair and watched Andy Griffith reruns. Mr. FixIt made some phone calls and stretched out in HIS Big Red Chair. Then we watched the news.

Sigh.

I don’t care what side of this whole debacle you land on. I’m staying neutral in here and hoping to keep it a politics free zone for the coming year and a half. Am I looking forward to another contentious election season? Heck no! But I’m going to keep it out of here because we all need a safe place to land…especially those who are grieving. Am I sticking my head in the sand? Absolutely not! But in here, talking politics is like talking about hemorrhoids at a dinner party. We may skirt around it a little, but we aren’t going to show it to anyone. Deal?

That being said, I will say this. No matter where you stand on the political spectrum, yesterday was a sad day for the state of our country and I’ll continually pray we get this right…not only for us, but for our great-great-grandchildren. Amen.

Now, back to yummy stuff.

Here’s the recipe for the French Toast:

Ginny’s French Toast

3 eggs, beaten
2 heaping teaspoons Truvia Brown Sugar
1/2 cup unsweetened Almond Milk
1/2 teaspoon Cinnamon
1 teaspoon Vanilla
Dash of salt
4 Slices of 35 calorie per slice bread. I used Heiner’s Whole Wheat.

Heat a skillet to medium high heat. Spray with either non-stick spray or olive oil spray.

Whisk the ingredients together and dip each bread slice into the batter, coating each side. Fry till golden brown and serve with Sugar Free Syrup.

Makes four slices. Two slices equal 186 calories! I love sausage, so I’ve started buying Jimmy Dean Pre-Cooked Turkey Sausage Patties. Two patties is only 120 calories. I also had a fresh, juicy peach that added 104 calories. So…for a breakfast fit for a Queen, it was only 410 calories. Compared to my usual French toast that is packed with cream, real brown sugar, and butter…this is something I can have, totally guilt free. I do limit it to once a week or so.

And here’s the recipe for the Spaghetti:

Ginny’s Spaghetti

Ok, this is no big secret. I buy a jar of sauce that has no more than 50 calories per serving. I also buy Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage Crumbles. They’re precooked. I put in about a half a bag which is 300 calories. The full jar of sauce is 250 calories plus the 300 in the Turkey Crumbles so there’s 550 for five servings. That’s 110 calories per serving. I use Barilla Protein+ Spaghetti which is 190 calories for 2 ounces. My spaghetti dinner was only 300 calories. MUCH less than the calorie fest I used to cook. I used to eat twice that amount of pasta and used fat packed Italian sausage. I made the breakfast sausage taste more like Italian by adding a healthy dose of oregano, garlic, and crushed red pepper flakes. And, I skipped the two slices of Texas Toast Cheesy Garlic Bread that we normally had.

So, there’s a couple of recipes to add to your repertoire and cut some calories out of your daily budget. We head to town for an appointment today then a pretty lay low weekend ahead. Just what the doctor ordered! Whenever I feel overwhelmed these days with too much to do, I just remember that God made all the stars and knows them by name. I can get my paltry little first world problems taken care of. They’ll be done when they’re done.

“He counts the stars and calls them all by name.”
Psalms 147:4 NLT

#Calm, #Order, #Stars

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I Love Fall Camping! It’s my favorite season to get out in nature and grab the last of the nights under the stars, talk quietly outside the camper in our comfy chairs, a warm sweater wrapped around me to ward off the chill, and a steaming mug of tea. The air smells of woodsmoke and leather and damp leaves. It’s a magical time to be out in the woods!

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Cajun Food and a Tornado

Sun, 13 Aug 2023 01:30:00 -0600

I got up early yesterday to meet my high school girlfriends for coffee. There were only seven of us. It’s still a busy time so I’m sure more will come in the fall. The first three of us to arrive were widowed…ten years, five years, and one year. Another was supposed to come, but something came up and she had to cancel. I can’t speak for her, but at two months, there were a LOT of things I cancelled because I just wasn’t up for it. In fact, when I was at two months, I was trying my hardest to get lost in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado.

I stopped to pick up one of the gals who can’t drive these days because her vision is so bad. She offered to pay me for gas and I said that wasn’t necessary. Then she offered to pay for my coffee. I told her, this was a blessing for me…surely she wouldn’t rob me of my blessing! We smiled at each other. She lost her husband five years ago and still can’t talk about him much or she cries. I so understand where she is. I was just tickled that they ventured out!

I had a wonderful conversation about faith and the condition of the church today with a sweet friend who is very involved with the Methodist Church. Another is still healing from a bad fall she took a couple of years ago. I went all through school with a couple of the gals. We were Vienna kids.

When I was finished, I called Mr. FixIt to see what he was up to. He reminded me he’d be coming to town a little later for his hair cut. So I ran a couple of errands then called the former Mrs. FixIt to see if she’d like some company. I went over and spent a couple of hours chatting and sharing pictures of our summer escapades. It was really nice to catch up. Finally, Mr. FixIt called to say he was finished and when he found out where I was, he came over, too.

It was getting closer to our supper time and we decided to go to a new-ish restaurant not too far away. Southern Craft Restaurant and Bar has been the talk of the town the last couple of years. It’s pretty small…maybe ten tables or so…and it’s always crowded. Especially on Friday and Saturday nights. Owned and operated by the DeAngelo family, Southern Craft has brought a taste of New Orleans to da ‘Burg. Authentic, real live Cajun food, y’all!!!

Oh, my word!

Mr. FixIt ordered the Shrimp and Grits and I had a bowl of Gumbo with Chicken and Andouille Sausage. We literally sipped each luscious spoonful and swooned! We tasted each other’s dishes and vowed this was our new favorite restaurant. The seasoning was spot on perfection. So full bodied and it brought just enough heat to complement the dishes without destroying the depth of flavor.

Louis DeAngelo, his wife and their three sons handle all the food prep and the waitstaff is friendly, prompt, and helpful. If you EVER find yourselves anywhere near Parkersburg, WV you simply must stay over and enjoy a meal at Southern Craft. Tell them Marshmallow Ranch sent you!!!

We ended the night with tornado warnings. There was one sighted over in Ohio and another in South Parkersburg. We had an incredible lightning show but it didn’t turn into anything much here. I hope you all remain safe from the increasing storms!

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.””
Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV

#Storms, #CajunFood, #Tornado

Artificial Intelligence?

Mon, 24 Jul 2023 00:00:00 -0600

We've all been reading about artificial intelligence and its impact on the world. The Screen Actors Guild is currently on strike to put some sort of limits on the use of AI in the arts. Authors and journalists alike are concerned about people writing entire books and news articles generated by AI.

I became curious about what would happen if I fed the AI generator certain descriptors that would mimic my own writing style. Would it "sound" like me? Would someone with nefarious intent be able to copy my work with enough changes to make it their own? I set out yesterday to see what an AI-generated essay on grief would look like.

I'll be interested in hearing your thoughts on AI journalism. I can see using it to generate headlines or captions for photos. Maybe for a difficult passage, but the ethics of using AI for generating an entire body of work is questionable. So, here it is with an AI-generated picture of "grief".

Here is a 500-word essay on grief in the style of Ginny McKinney of Marshmallow Ranch:

"Grief is a word that we all know, but we don't really understand until we experience it ourselves. Grief is the pain that comes from losing someone or something that we love, that we have a bond with, that we can't imagine living without. Grief is the natural and normal reaction to loss, but it can also be overwhelming, confusing, and isolating. Grief can affect us in many ways, physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually. Grief can make us feel numb, angry, sad, guilty, or even relieved. Grief can make us question our faith, our purpose, our identity, and our future.

I know grief all too well. I have lost many people in my life, but none more devastating than my husband of 30 years, [Mr. Virgo]. He was my soulmate, my best friend, my partner in crime. We had so many plans for our retirement years, to travel the country in our RV, to visit our grandchildren, to enjoy life to the fullest. But then he was gone, just like that, in a freak accident that took his life and almost mine. I was left alone, broken, and shattered.

I didn't know how to cope with my grief. I didn't want to face the reality of living without him. I didn't want to talk to anyone or do anything. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear. I felt like I had lost everything that mattered to me. I felt like I had no reason to live.

But then something happened. Something that changed my perspective and gave me hope. Something that helped me heal and grow. Something that made me realize that grief is not the end of the story, but the beginning of a new one.

That something was God.

God was there for me when I felt alone. He comforted me when I cried. He listened to me when I raged. He forgave me when I blamed. He guided me when I was lost. He showed me His love when I felt unlovable. He gave me His grace when I felt unworthy. He gave me His strength when I felt weak. He gave me His peace when I felt restless. He gave me His joy when I felt hopeless.

God also sent me people who cared for me and supported me through my grief journey. He sent me family and friends who hugged me and prayed for me. He sent me counselors and pastors who listened to me and advised me. He sent me fellow widows and widowers who understood me and encouraged me. He sent me strangers who smiled at me and blessed me.

God also gave me opportunities to grow and serve through my grief journey. He gave me a new purpose and direction for my life. He gave me a new passion and vision for my ministry. He gave me a new platform and voice for my message. He gave me a new community and family for my fellowship.

God also taught me lessons and truths through my grief journey. He taught me that grief is not a sign of weakness or lack of faith, but a sign of love and attachment. He taught me that grief is not something to be avoided or denied, but something to be embraced and expressed. He taught me that grief is not something to be stuck in or overcome, but something to be moved through and transformed by.

God also showed me beauty and hope through my grief journey. He showed me that grief is not the end of love, but the continuation of love in a different way. He showed me that grief is not the end of life, but the beginning of a new life with Him. He showed me that grief is not the end of the story, but the beginning of a new story with Him.

Grief is hard, but God is good.

He is with us in our grief.

He is for us in our grief.

He is through us in our grief.

He is beyond us in our grief.

He is our hope in our grief.

He is our healing in our grief.

He is our glory in our grief.

Amen.

Source: Conversation with Bing, 7/23/2023

(1) Ginny McKinney, Author at Marshmallow Ranch. [www.marshmallowranch.com/author/gi...](https://www.marshmallowranch.com/author/ginnymckinney/.)

(2) Ginny McKinney - Marshmallow Ranch | Vienna WV - Facebook. [www.facebook.com/Marshmall...](https://www.facebook.com/MarshmallowRanch/.)

(3) Ginny McKinney, Author at Marshmallow Ranch - Page 2 of 335. [www.marshmallowranch.com/author/gi...](https://www.marshmallowranch.com/author/ginnymckinney/page/2/.)

(4) 5 of Ginny McKinney Podcasts Interviews | Updated Daily - OwlTail. [www.owltail.com/people/h1...](https://www.owltail.com/people/h12TW-ginny-mckinney/appearances.)

(5) How your brain copes with grief, and why it takes time to heal. [www.npr.org/sections/...](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/12/20/1056741090/grief-loss-holiday-brain-healing.)

(6) What is grief? - Mayo Clinic. [www.mayoclinic.org/patient-v...](https://www.mayoclinic.org/patient-visitor-guide/support-groups/what-is-grief.)

(7) Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one. [www.apa.org/topics/fa...](https://www.apa.org/topics/families/grief.)

(8) Grief - American Psychological Association (APA). [www.apa.org/topics/gr...](https://www.apa.org/topics/grief/.)

(9) Grief - Wikipedia. [en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grie...](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grief.)

(10) Getty Images. [www.gettyimages.com/detail/ph...](https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/sad-woman-sitting-on-dark-home-corridor-floor-royalty-free-image/1219297891.)"

Glimmers

Mon, 10 Jul 2023 00:00:00 -0600

When we were driving down from the mountains on Saturday, we had a chance to really see what the heavy snows and abundant rains have done for Colorado this year. Mr. FixIt wears many hats when we travel…navigator, photographer, snack reacher, and Googler, to name a few. All I do is sit there and drive and he feeds me, answers every question that comes to mind, reminds me to watch for the next turn or rest area, and takes pictures every time I say, “Ooooooh…LOOK!” He’s a gem!

I wish we could have stopped at the Scenic Overlook at Lake Dillon but it was closed. But let me tell you…it was FULL. I mean, full to the brim! I don’t think I’ve seen it look like that in twenty years. The sky was a deep, rich blue and the water was a sparkling green. Crisp white sailboats drifted along in the ever present breeze. It was so peaceful. It reminded me of the true abundance God provides for us.

Appreciating the beautiful gifts we are given changes our focus. In the vast world of neurodiversity, we often speak of triggers…those things that bring up harsh memories and causes a huge spike in the anxiety hormone, adrenalin. The “Fight or Flight” response. And, just like everything in the world, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. The opposite of trigger is glimmer.

Glimmers are those small experiences that tells our nervous system to feel calm and safe. These moments can affect our inner selves in a soft and gentle way in the same way triggers spike us up into fear and frenzy mode. They bring us little micro moments of joy. When you start looking for glimmers, you start experiencing more of them. And the more you experience, the more inner peace you feel.

Count your glimmers along with your blessings and see how much better you feel. I’ve attached photos of some of my glimmers of the last couple of weeks. Tell us some of the glimmers you see in your life. Feel free to share photos so we can experience even more joy in our day.

“So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can.”
Ecclesiastes 3:12 NLT

Summer Solstice Come and Gone

Fri, 23 Jun 2023 01:30:00 -0600

We were sitting around the campfire Wednesday night when one of the girls said, “Hey! It’s the Summer Solstice! Aren’t we supposed to get naked and dance around the campfire or something?” We all looked at each other in our 70-or-darned-near-it bodies and laughed and laughed. Ummmmm, hard pass.

I’m losing weight so I’m feeling pretty good about that. I bought a new scale for the occasion. It measures accurately…unless I think I should have lost more or maybe I gained a little. But overall, I’d say it’s pretty accurate. It’s slick looking, too. Black glass. It tells me my weight and BMI…Body Mass Index. A number solely designed to confuse those of us who think maybe 30 ain’t so bad. It gives you the weather report and by golly, it wished me Happy Birthday! This thing is uptown.

It’s very shiny. I always weigh myself au naturale. I keep the scale in the bathroom between the toilet and the cabinet so it’s easy to get to but out of the way. I pulled it out and set it down on the floor and caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection…bending over. Oh, my Gosh! The elastin in 70-year-old skin is definitely NOT the same as it was in my younger years and I laughed and laughed. What once were perky were now resembling water balloons left over from last weekend’s pool party swinging in the wind!

One of the gals camping with us this week just had her 70th birthday. She is celebrating her birthday year with 70 vacations. She’s my kind of friend. She’s not feeling as good about turning 70 as I am. She was pointing out the flaws in her skin. How there are wrinkles now where there hadn’t been before….seemingly overnight. I felt for her. I had a birthday that hit me hard once. I was 26. Ten years since I started to drive. Ten years since I started to date. It wasn’t long till I realized the folly in that. These are choices. And I swore after God saved me from an overdose and a life of addiction, I would NEVER complain about being blessed with another year on the right side of the grass.

But…Summer Solstice??? Ohhhhhh…that means the light of day will become incrementally shorter now. And you know me with light. I crave as much light as possible. So, there’s only one thing to do…get out there and grab this year by the mane and ride it till the cows come home!

In a really good support bra, of course.

“It is pleasant to see dreams come true, but fools refuse to turn from evil to attain them.”
Proverbs 13:19 NLT

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Sand + Sea…a lovely light scarf that reminds you of summers by the shore.

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What We See Matters

Thu, 15 Jun 2023 01:30:00 -0600

The Bible tells us that our eyes are like lamps that bring light into our bodies. The health of our eyes will determine if our bodies are healthy, filled with light…or unhealthy, filled with darkness. I’ve been pondering this a great deal lately. Without delving into politics, I will say we are being given many opportunities to practice this noble and wise scripture this week. I knew in my heart that the events of Tuesday were liable to serve as a key to open the floodgates of angry and hateful rhetoric.

There are people who planned hateful things on Tuesday. I kept hearing rumors of it, never dreaming it would come to my doorstep. Then I received a private message on my Facebook page by some man I did not know. Usually those are fairly innocuous pleas to make them the happiest man in the world and send them a friend request. Yeah…that’s a hard pass, fella. You’d have to get up pretty early to pull one over on me.

This message was different. My profile picture for the month of June is a series of colorful stripes with the word ALLY across it…in support of my daughter and her wife and my countless friends who are members of the LGBTQ+ community. The message I received was hate filled with ugly, vulgar terms to describe who I am for displaying such a thing. My first thought was shock. I surely wasn’t expecting something like that. Then I was angry and frustrated because this is what my beautiful daughter and daughter-in-law face on the daily.

Then I felt pity. Pity that people feel they need to treat others with such hatred and ugliness. Pity that he obviously doesn’t know Jesus. The Biblical Jesus that I know. I knew his eyes must be unhealthy because he had such darkness in him. I wish he knew how much Jesus loves him and how much better his life could be if only he would find Him. I’m witness to know the incredible difference a life walking with God makes. I prayed for his salvation, then I blocked him and reported the attack to Facebook. I did not engage him because that’s what people like this want. Reaction. I failed to give him that.

Tuesday night, Daughter #2 called to wish me a happy birthday. She wanted to know all about my day and when I asked her about hers, she said it was great…right up to the very last minute before closing. She received a phone call at work from a man that sounded pleasant enough. He asked if they carried a certain product. She said they did. He went on to tell her why he needed it and the thought maybe he was oversharing a little bit so she just made a pleasant comment about how glad she was it helped. Then he said, “Well enough about that. Let’s talk about the f.i.n.a.l s.o.l.u.t.i.o.n. There’s J.E.W.S out there, you know!” (For those of you who do not know what that is, it’s what the N.a.z.i.s called the H.o.l.o.c.a.u.s.t.) I am writing this with p.e.r.i.o.d.s between the letters of certain words to keep from drawing the attention of nefarious people.

Now, you have to understand…my daughter grew up J.e.w.i.s.h in a small community in Colorado. She was bullied all through school because of her religious identity. As a matter of fact, it was so bad it caused her to self-harm and nearly drove her to s.u.i.c.i.d.e. So when this guy called and laid that on HER doorstep, she didn’t miss a beat and lit into him with the same mouth I used to kiss good night when she was little. She is fierce and stands up to people. Unfortunately, in this day and age, that can be outright dangerous and as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew she had given him exactly what he wanted.

I’m not telling you this to stir things up. I won’t engage in debates over things such as this. I’ll do all the things I can to combat hatred in all forms. And I’ll pray fiercely in hopes that we can somehow normalize kindness and love our neighbors again. We cannot hide our heads in the sand and think this kind of thing isn’t happening everywhere. But we CAN choose wisely what we let into our eyes and make a conscious effort to feed the light.

There are two animals within us…a good one and a bad one. The one we feed is the one who survives.

❤️‍?

““Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when it is unhealthy, your body is filled with darkness. Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness. If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.””
Luke 11:34-36 NLT

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Bring Peace into your garden with one of my photographs and a fitting scripture…John 14:27

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A Calculated Guess

Wed, 07 Jun 2023 01:30:00 -0600

The quilt, tucked in its own little storage box

We ran to town yesterday for Mr. FixIt’s medical appointment and…as I predicted…it turned into an all day ordeal. I didn’t sleep well because I was afraid we’d sleep through the alarm and I was a little concerned about the procedure he’s going to have done. But the doctor was thorough, knowledgeable, and reassuring so I left confident everything’s going to be fine. He’s done over thirty thousand of these so we’re cool.

Afterward, we went on the hunt for the perfect shirt for Mr. FixIt for the wedding. He’s going to wear his grey sport coat over black pants. We went with a monochromatic look and got a grey shirt. Try as we might, we could not find a white shirt that he liked so grey it is. We walked all over the mall to get our steps in and we were really ready to leave. By that time Mr. FixIt’s back hurt and my feet hurt and we were over it.

We had to stop at Walmart. It seems we ALWAYS have to stop at Walmart. Gas is cheapest there. I had a prescription to pick up. I dropped Mr. FixIt off at Kohl’s so he could just make EXTRA sure the shirt we bought at Penneys was the best we could find. And it was. I swung back to pick him up and we headed home.

I did a little work on the itinerary for the Colorado trip. I finally have a place lined up where I can store the camper while we are visiting in Denver. Then I needed to renew my Good Sam’s Club and AAA. Their computers were the ones not working right this time so I gave up and came out to the camper to write.

I told you I found a box in which to package the quilt for this weekend. I went to Michael’s and found one of those pretty decorator boxes with handles that look all the world like a small trunk. I eyeballed it and thought about the quilt and how I could fold it and I was absolutely certain it would fit exactly within its confines. Granted, when I got home, I had to fold and refold several times to get it to fit, but it finally went in perfectly. The only thing is, I couldn’t fold it so that the tag was visible. I thought that would be rather pretty. But this will do and as you can see, I got that king-sized quilt in there with a little room to spare!

I’ve been a little off my game here the last couple of weeks. I couldn’t quite put my finger on anything, but I felt antsy, anxious, scared, worried. I know this procedure has been looming, but this was more than that. I felt myself watching Mr. FixIt with a kind of curious fear. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it was. I had a rough night Monday so I had a lot of time tossing and turning and working it over in my mind. Then for some reason, the thought…”check the days” fluttered across my mind. I have an app on my phone that calculates the days since an event. When I opened it up and did a little calculating, my fear made perfect sense.

I had Mr. Virgo in my life for a certain number of days before he died. I calculated the approximate days since Mr. FixIt and I started dating and…it’s getting really close to the same number. My subconscious has been hyper-vigilant with worry and fear. Thinking things like, “What would I do if the unthinkable happened…yet again?” “Could I survive that?” What if…what if…what if?

Once I saw it clearly, I understood what I’ve been doing. I’ve been trying to avoid any and all pain. But that is not living a mindful, present life, is it? The Bible says not to worry about tomorrow today. Tomorrow has enough to worry about all on its own. It also isn’t good for our marriage and it’s not fair to Mr. FixIt. But now that I “get it”, I can correct the path and make things right. It made my heart melt into him and I know for a fact that all is right in our world.

Anniversary reactions are a real psychological phenomenon and while this wasn’t an actual date on the calendar, the body memory of my trauma losing Mr. Virgo somehow knew Mr. FixIt and I have been together just about the same amount of time. Grief is not limited to the actual loss. It weaves its way through every part of your life and pops up…sometimes years later…to give you another layer of your “self” to come to terms with. The mind will do whatever it can to protect itself. I’m grateful the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart and told me to “check the days.” It makes perfect sense to me now.

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”
Luke 2:19 NIV

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Even when it’s been ten years and you think surely you must be completely finished working through grief, you can easily step on that broken rake in the tall grass and it smacks you right between the eyes.

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Changing Horses in the Middle of the Stream!

Sat, 27 May 2023 01:30:00 -0600

Well, one must always be prepared for any eventuality. When I arrived at the campground on Wednesday, there was only one campsite open so I took it. The next morning we moved because the sycamore was shedding all over us. We managed to snag a prime river site and according to the computer it was first come, first served till Monday night. I paid for three nights so I ran it by the camp host, just to be sure. She looked at the same thing I was looking at and it said, “FF”…first come, first served. She said it was fine to move and we settled in for two more nights.

To be honest, neither one of us slept well on Thursday night because the tugboats push barges up and down the river…24/7. They are not fast, and their engines are loud and deep. They reverberate in your bones. I was sound asleep when the first one came through. It took a while to get back to sleep and then the next one came. This one was waiting for traffic so it hovered in one place for about twenty minutes…right in front of our camper. The first time this ever happened to me…years ago…it was really cool to watch. This time? Not so much!

Still, we had a beautiful day yesterday. I went for a long walk while Mr. FixIt fished. I sat with him for quite some time when I got back, then we decided to go for a drive and check out Hensler’s Market in St. Marys. They have beautiful flowers and produce, and tons of Amish products. After exploring some backroads, we headed back to the camper. I fixed a nice meal and we were just getting settled in for an evening of fishing when the camp host, Kris, called my name.

It appears, our site was NOT available yesterday as this very nice young man produced his phone showing he had reservations for the whole weekend. Leith Run is a hidden gem, but those in the know jump on the reservations as soon as they open up in January because they book up fast. He made his reservations in February. Obviously we were disappointed, but we were so grateful to have had the two days we got because we didn’t have reservations. It was a beautiful little camping trip, we met some super nice people, and home we headed.

I stopped in Williamstown to dump the tanks. Mr. FixIt went on to buy cat food before he headed home. I had the camper in place and ready to unhook when he pulled up. We were both so tired by the time we got everything set up here on Marshmallow Ranch in my own personal little campground. Tomorrow, I’ll post a bunch of pictures I took the last couple of days. We need to mow today. Dinner at the Former Mrs. FixIt’s with all the FixIt Family but one this evening. When it rains tomorrow, I’m finishing the quilt. The wedding is in two weeks!!!

“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.”
Psalms 37:23-24 NIV

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Go Where the Wildflowers Bloom!

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What Did You Say?

Fri, 12 May 2023 01:30:00 -0600

Our new pollinator spaces are already producing native wildflowers!

Land’s sake…Mr. FixIt and I can’t hear each other more and more often these days. Remember that time we went on a road trip and we’d pass people who were weaving on the road? He’d say, “Yep…he’s a Texan!” I couldn’t figure out how he knew that or why Texans are such poor drivers. Finally I passed someone and I saw for sure they weren’t from Texas…they were from New York. So, when he said, “Yep…he’s a Texan.” I turned to him and said, “Gotcha…he is not! He’s from New York!” He looked at me puzzled and said, “What are you talking about?” I said, “Well, every time we pass someone weaving, you announce he’s a Texan.” He started laughing and said, “Textin’! He’s a textin’!” We laughed our butts off over that one!

Most of the time it’s not at all important and we finally figure it out, between hearing loss and Appalachian phrases. We had a long day mowing yesterday and were taking a break in the shade of the maple tree.

“When we get this mowing finished, you wanna go in and have a salad for supper?

“Sure.” I said…even though I’ve had way too much salad this week. Then he mentioned we needed more paper plates. I told him we had some in the camper. Then we went on with our mowing. I finished before he did and went in to take a most welcome shower. I took a couple of pieces of salmon out earlier to thaw, so newly washed and cooled off, I set to cooking supper. I decided to have a proper meal and make baked salmon, quinoa, green beans, and the leftover salad from last night.

Mr. FixIt came in and looked at me working in the kitchen.

“What are you doing?”

“Well, I decided instead of salad we’d have a cooked meal tonight so I’m putting the salmon in the oven.”

“I thought you wanted to go out to dinner?”

“I’m sorry…what?”

“I asked you if you wanted to go out for salad after we finished mowing and you said yes.”

“No…you asked if I wanted to go in for salad after we finished mowing.”

“I said “IN”…meaning “in to town for salad.”

“Oh, my gosh! I totally didn’t get that from what you said. But now I have this great piece of salmon ready to cook. We can go tomorrow night if you want salad in town.”

He just shook his head. I know now he meant to take me out so I didn’t have to cook, but honestly? I’d much rather have a home cooked meal than to go out. And after his shower and his yummy salmon, he was pretty darned glad we didn’t go “in to town for salad.”

It got really hot yesterday…in the 80’s. I mowed slathered with 70 spf sunscreen and carrying my golf umbrella. It took a little bit longer to mow around the new pollinator gardens, but they’re going to be worth it when they’re grown up and developed. When I got closer, I could see native wildflowers popping their little heads up in the grasses. It was so pretty. And my little patch of buttercups are still blooming. Now I have the best of both worlds…the beautiful groomed fields with big free form pollinator areas. I can see more beauty in our future!

“The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.”
Psalms 145:9 NIV

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Sometimes words are hard to find when comforting a bereaved friend or relative. I know when I lost Mr. Virgo, I craved soft fuzzy blankies. Here’s a beautiful sunset I found and thought it would be perfect with a Scripture on it. Feel free to send the link to others who may need just the right gift for such a time.

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Practicing Husbandry

Wed, 10 May 2023 01:30:00 -0600

I’ve really enjoyed my stay out here at the farm. I told Mr. FixIt last night, I didn’t realize how worn out I was. While I did get some work done on the computer, what I really did the most was soak this place up like a sponge. I did a lot of porch sitting and bird watching and listening to the whispers of the past. It was restorative in a way no place can give me. And now I’m ready to go home and get back to work.

I always sleep really well at the farm and this trip was no different. However, a mama cardinal has taken up residency in the Carolina Spice Bush right outside the bedroom window. At 4:30 yesterday morning, she decided to regale me with the song of her people. There wasn’t even a glimmer of light out there, but she was ready to rock and roll. I decided to wear earplugs last night.

There is also a cardinal nesting in the big Rhododendron in the front year. I think there’s a robin in there, too. I don’t want to get close enough to look at the nest because I don’t want to disturb them. I did work outside a good deal yesterday afternoon. I took the loppers to the grassy area between the monster cherry tree and the barn. It was beginning to feel like you were in a cave going up there and that keeps it dark and wet. When the ground stays wet, there’s no place for water to drain and the ground gets soft and mushy and it adds to the humidity in the summer which isn’t good for the wood buildings. I don’t get a whole lot done, but it sure looked more open when I was done. Husbandry does not just involve animals. It also involved the management of the resources around you.

I need to strip the bed this morning and wash the sheets before I pack up and head home. I timed the trip out here perfectly…I’m almost out of food. Just enough for breakfast this morning. I haven’t been able to weigh myself here so I’m really looking forward to seeing how much I’ve lost since Saturday morning. I went for long walks while I was here. That’s one thing I just wasn’t doing over the winter. I went sedentary as soon as the weather got cold. I just can’t continue to do that.

I’m feeling better every day! More energy…more motivation…more hope!

“Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.”
Psalms 96:11-12 NIV

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A sneak peek at what I worked on this week. I stumbled upon the soul-soothing comfort of fuzzy blankies in my camper when I was a new widow. I was given a beautiful comfort quilt with a Scripture on it, but the texture of the fabric wasn’t comforting to me. So, I’ve designed warm fuzzies with Scriptures on them. Look for them in the shop this week.

May the Fourth Be With You!

Thu, 04 May 2023 01:30:00 -0600

I have no idea how they came up with the name for Noom, but they hit it out of the park with their app. First off, let me say…I’ve lost FOUR pounds since Monday. I know…the first few pounds are water weight, but I’ll take anything I can get! I haven’t been a bit hungry and I have eaten anything I wanted. Yesterday morning was Mr. FixIt’s fabulous oatmeal. I mixed mine with blueberries and dehydrated peaches.

My sweetie always adds a heaping tablespoon of brown sugar, and adds cinnamon and my home brewed vanilla. So, so yummy. We never eat lunch but I had a midday snack of a cup of green seedless grapes. I fixed salmon, baked potato, and sweet kale salad with a little French Vinaigrette. I was so full afterwards, but as I’m writing this, I am sure I’ll have my daily yogurt before I go to bed.

It’s so easy to keep track of what you eat. If you’re cooking a dish that you make over and over, you can create a custom meal then you only have to enter all the ingredients once. You just name it, then the next time you make it, you just select the meal and everything in it goes on your food list. I didn’t get very many steps in yesterday. I had every intention of walking in the park when I went to the Post Office to mail Little’s birthday present. Once Little opens their birthday present, then I can share pictures. OMGosh! It was so cold and drizzly, I just didn’t have it in me to exercise. It will be warming up now, so it won’t be such a difficult thing to accomplish.

Seriously, if any of you want to try Noom, I can send you a link for a free trial and $20 off. Just send me a private message with your email address. I already have one person doing it with me. It can keep us accountable if we have a group to support each other. I think the statistic said that having a friend do the program with you increases your odds of reaching your goal weight by, like…32%. That’s pretty impressive.

I’m looking forward to having some sunny and warm weather so we can mow. Honestly, it looks like you could bale hay out in our field! I’ll have to cut the grass high, then run back over it cutting it to the normal height. We didn’t go anywhere yesterday and I still didn’t get all the things done that I wanted. Our internet was really dicey…probably because of the rain. If it’s still out today, I’ll have to call them. I write on my iPad and it uses cell service for data. But I’m out of luck when I need to use my laptop to work on my shop.

That’s about all the news from here. As I write this, I’m sitting in the camper…typing as I listen to the rain on the roof. It’s one of the things I love the most about camping. It’s so relaxing and I have to fight to keep from snoozing till it’s time to go to bed for the night. I continue to sleep so much better…I think I’ve found the right combination of “treatment” for my insomnia. It’s so wonderful to wake up after a solid night’s sleep!

“Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants.”
Deuteronomy 32:2 NIV

#Spring, #Rain, #Cold, #NOOM

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Country Living Ain’t for Sissies

Wed, 19 Apr 2023 01:30:00 -0600

I can’t imagine living on an actual working farm with animals and hay fields and huge gardens. There was a time when that’s all I wanted, but I was much younger then. No, I’m grateful for the five acres we call home and even that will fall by the wayside one of these days when we need to downsize and live closer to the kids.

We’re in that stage where the grass shoots up overnight and you feel like mowing is all you do. We need to get this place and the farm squared away in the next couple of days. I didn’t go to town with Mr. FixIt yesterday. I elected to stay home and clean house. I got a lot done, but there’s still a bit more to do. When my sweetie got home yesterday, he did the weed eating in the fenced yard around the pool then started with the push mower till he just couldn’t do anymore. I went out and finished and swept the walk. Now all we need to do is the riding mower and I can knock that out in 3.5 hours. I have a system with the least number of three-point turns that shaves time off the clock.

When the mowing was finished, I made a quick supper of Buzz Buttered Steak sandwiches and chips. And I was done for the day. The temperature is supposed to be down near the mid-30’s with a possibility of frost! At least it’s not snow. I know it’s just going to be a matter of a few weeks and we’ll be complaining about the heat and humidity. But for now, I’ll be happy as a clam to have temps in the high 60’s and low 70’s. I finished going through my pile of books and projects by my chair and put things away. Just a few more things and the house will be presentable for company.

The other evening, I notice someone drove down into the yard. We live right along a dirt road and it gets really narrow just before a curve to the left. Two cars cannot pass each other so, instead of backing up 20 feet where the road is wider, folks will sometimes come off the road to let the other car pass. The people on the other side can’t move over because there’s a ditch there and the hillside just beyond. We went it and reviewed the security cameras recordings to see if we could see who did that, and while Mr. FixIt was watching, the UPS truck drove off the road just beyond the original tracks in the grass.

The UPS guys drive so fast out that road. There is a sign stating the road narrows and there is a 10mph speed limit but that doesn’t seem to deter very many people. This time, the UPS guy was driving about 40mph, came around that turn, and was face to face with another car. He slammed on his brakes, skidded on the gravel, and dipped down into the grass. You might think it wouldn’t be a problem because it’s a field. But we take great pride in keeping the place up nice. And when there are deep tracks in the grass, it makes for a really bumpy ride on the mower. Mr. FixIt called the UPS folks and they’re coming out today to assess the damages.

It’s always something out here and it keeps you hopping. I am super glad we don’t have animals and big gardens to deal with as well. We are grateful for the serenity.

“Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.”
Romans 12:9-13 NIV

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Bright Blocks of Color cheer me up almost as much as traveling does!

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It’s Tractor Time!

Wed, 12 Apr 2023 01:30:00 -0600

The view from the end of the far field…my other happy place.

It was quite a job, but Mr. FixIt and I got the blades turned around right without having to take off the mower deck. Believe me, it was not easy. We were both rolling around on the driveway, reaching as far as we could and jamming a piece of 4x4 in there to keep the blade from turning as Mr. FixIt tightened the bolt. As soon as we were done, we gassed it up and added oil and I was ready to go. Wouldn’t you know, just thirty minutes in, the belt popped off again! But once we had it back on, it stayed on and I had the mowing done in about three hours.

Our Flowering Quince…one of my favorites here at Marshmallow Ranch!

We decided to clean up and head to town to eat at our favorite homestyle diner for the huge salads they serve, then we went to City Park and walked a lap. We had to stop at Lowe’s…again! I think I’m going to have to forward our mail there as often as we go! But, once that was finished…we were done for the day.

The pear tree I thought was dying has bloomed after all!

I went for a walkabout last night when the light was so pretty and reflecting spring in that greeny-gold way it does at this time of year. Between the flowers at the park and here at home, my heart was as full as my tummy! It was a beautiful day. I told Mr. FixIt on our way into town that being out and working like we’ve been this week has felt like such a reprieve from the long, dark, cold of winter’s grip.

A closeup of the Flowering Quince.

I’m sure we’ll be sore today, but it’s the good kind of sore that come from an honest day’s work. I look at what my cousin Tammy and her girls accomplish raising cattle and lambs, gardening, and putting all that food by on top of the mowing, and I have it easy, really. As I was rounding the last lap of mowing, my heart swelled with the love I have for this life with Mr. FixIt. The love I have for this land…for West Virginia in general. I know I said I was going to leave the far field unmoved to create a pollinator garden this spring, but it’s just so beautiful when it’s finished. It takes me less than four hours to mow it all. And the seed to create the field the way it needs to be done is expensive. We’ve just decided we like it this way so this is the way it will stay for as long as we’re here. I mean….we live in West Virginia. It’s not that we’re lacking the availability of pollinator friendly meadows all around us.

I always love the view down in the far field when the sun has gone down behind the ridge. Soon, those trees will be leafed out!

I’ve been seeing tons of butterflies this spring. And there are bees galore. Mr. FixIt came out the back door the other night and there was a bat hanging from the light fixture over the stairs to the basement. I haven’t seen any snakes yet this year. The field is filled with mole and vole tunnels….little ridges that stick up high enough for the mower to scalp them.

Flowers at City Park during our walk.

We may go out to the farm today to see if we can get the old John Deere started and get that yard mowed for the first time this year. I need to get downstairs and finish up that quilt by Monday so I can get it to the quilter. I hope you all are getting outside shaking some of the winter blahs off!

“I will sing for joy in God, explode in praise from deep in my soul! He dressed me up in a suit of salvation, he outfitted me in a robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom who puts on a tuxedo and a bride a jeweled tiara. For as the earth bursts with spring wildflowers, and as a garden cascades with blossoms, So the Master, God, brings righteousness into full bloom and puts praise on display before the nations.”
Isaiah 61:10-11 MSG

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“The Weekender Bag is lined and roomy for a quick trip, or to tote anything from groceries to your knitting to sandy beach towels! A stylish way to gad about town.”

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Another Long Day

Thu, 06 Apr 2023 01:30:00 -0600

A storm was brewing when we got home last evening. A cold front came in and ran smack dab into the balmy 87° heat we had in the afternoon!

Well, I told you it would be a long day and I was right. It was 9:30 last night before I finally sat down to write my post. We left the house at 11:00 yesterday morning. The medical appointments always take longer than expected. While mine was shorter than usual, it’s still a long wait. Mr. FixIt walked around the mall to keep himself occupied. We went to lunch and had Wendy’s salads between the appointments.

I saw my dermatologist yesterday for my annual whole body skin check. I had a melanoma removed from my arm in 2005, so I have to be diligent with my checkups. She was pleased with the condition of my face. I had a yeast overgrowth last year and between the ointment she prescribed and washing my face with dandruff shampoo really helped. I think using an Optase wipe once a week helped too because it has tea tree oil in it. She did notice some dryness and didn’t think the Cerave Daily Moisturizer with SPF was enough so she added Lipikar Balm AP+ twice a day. I put it on last night after I washed my face and my skin sucked it up like unpainted drywall! It feels nice on my skin and it’s not heavy or greasy. It’s over the counter, too. It doesn’t have sunscreen so I still need to use the Cerave.

Aging skin isn’t something to trifle with…especially if you were a sun worshiper who eschewed sunscreen and used tanning beds like I did. I have those spots on my skin that are more than freckles. My mom’s generation called them liver spots, sun spots, age spots, or solar lentigines. Sounds appropriately icky, doesn’t it? Almost all of them are benign. However, you start getting into a dicey area when you have actinic keratoses. These are precancerous and can turn into squamous cell carcinoma. Every time I see my dermatologist, I get two or three of them frozen. Yesterday was no different. I’ve had a stubborn one on the back of my hand that we’ve frozen several times. She froze that one good and hard as well as one on the back of my arm and in my hairline on my temple. That was a stinger!

My skin has changed so much in the last ten years. I have spots on my torso and I told her I am turning 70 in June. I lamented that I had “old lady skin.” She said, “You are NOT old! Those are your wisdom spots!” So just like my rapidly graying hair, the spots threatening to turn my body into a connect-the-dots puzzle are merely an outward sign of my inner crone waking up! In olden times, our elders were revered for the treasure trove of knowledge they carried with them. I say…let’s normalize aging. Let’s revere the elders for the repository of information that they are and elevate them with care and respect.

Saying this now seems to intimate I didn’t care before. I did. But now, it seems more pressing and I’m acutely aware of my short-comings. Let’s teach the new generations how to respect our elders by emulating good behaviors. Even though we are “of a certain age” we still have elders out there…just not as many. It’s never too late to reach back and teach those coming up the ranks to be better people.

So, get your skin checked and wear sunscreen daily, my friends. You’ll thank me later!

“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”
3 John 1:2 ESV

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“A lovely item with a delicious scent. Thank you!” ~ P.S.

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It’s Tax Time Again!

Tue, 04 Apr 2023 01:30:00 -0600

“It’s tax time!”

Hey, remember how I’m always tearing my hair out when it’s time to do the taxes? I get on the laptop and find out its been so long since I’ve been on it that I need to do eight hours of work just updating everything. Then, I realize that I didn’t download anything but the first quarter of the year into my financial software so I spend another two or three days downloading and categorizing everything. It’s crazy making!

Well, this year you’re going to be so proud of me! I had all the financial information downloaded and categorized by the first week in January! And, since I’ve been working on the shop he lat three months, everything is in good working order for the laptop. I gathered all the papers together yesterday afternoon and this morning I’ll sit down and knock those taxes out in record time!

I was thinking back to when I was a little girl and watching my grandma and mom doing their taxes. They went to the post office and picked up the booklet for Federal and one for state then went home and ciphered a little with a piece of paper and a pencil nub. Then they checked their math a second time and carefully filled in the numbers on the forms. They folded them up, stuffed them in an envelope, licked the seal then licked the stamp, and walked to the mailbox to send them off…the little red flag raised. What a simple time it was back then. Taxes seem so complicated now. Business taxes, a rental house, plus the usual stuff gets overwhelming after a while.

Speaking of a pencil nub, that reminded me of my Pop-Pop. He always carried a little tiny pocket notebook where he kept track of the odd jobs he did for people and how much he charged them. My grandparents didn’t have much money so extras were few and far between. I don't ever remember them having a pencil sharpener. Pop-Pop would take out his penknife and go out on the front porch to shave down and sharpen his pencil. And he would use that thing till it wasn’t more than an inch long. He was good at math and could figure out most anything in his head. I’ve been thinking about him a lot this week. He was born 124 years ago on April Fools Day! I was only seventeen when he died.

I have a picture of him that I treasure. I stumbled on it when I was writing the book about the farm after it sold. Grandma was what my family called “picture poor.” She may not have had money for much, but she’d starve before she went without film and flashbulbs. I used to buy her postage stamps, film, and flashbulbs for Christmas. But her pictures left a lot to be desired. She always stood about 30’ away from people so she could “get everyone in the picture.” Which was nice, but unless you were there, you would never know who was in it. We always teased her about that. She cut people’s heads off a lot. My mom would cut people in half so you’d only get half the person or persons.

You know…I can’t even remember which eye I used to look through the viewfinder. Kids today wouldn’t have a clue, would they?

“Like the moon it shall be established forever, a faithful witness in the skies.” Selah”
Psalm 89:37 ESV

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*Faith over Fear…a daily reminder.*

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What Constitutes a Date?

Thu, 30 Mar 2023 01:30:00 -0600

We don’t go out “on a date” very often. We never have, really. I guess between knowing each other forever, being on a fixed income, and living so far out in the country, the idea of getting dressed up and driving to town for a fancy dinner out is just something that has never appealed to us.

I used to live that life. It was fun and exciting to go to fine restaurants and rub elbows with “the haves”. To stroll the streets of Aspen or Snowmass, wander through the hoity-toity shops, then cozy up in front of a fire with fancy food and forks I had no idea how to use. Well, let’s just say…this country girl learned how to feign social prowess to a degree. But talk about imposter syndrome. I was really a fish out of water.

There were a lot of reasons I came home to West Virginia but the biggest one was to find myself. To go back to my roots. I remember talking with my long-time sister-friend. I can’t remember the conversation per se, but I think I was sounding a little too pretentious to someone who has known me since we were fifteen. She knew better and called me on it. She reminded me not to get too big for my britches because she knew from whence we came. She was my Boone’s-Farm-Ride-or-Die home girl.

When I came back, I was broken into a million pieces. I needed the comfort of these hills and red clay to patch the pieces together again…piece by piece…stitch by stitch till I began to believe I could survive. I was four years a widow when I had my first date with Mr. FixIt. We went for a drive through the hills and backroads. I sat back in the passenger seat of his truck with the window down, letting the wind blow through my hair. I felt a glimmer of something. Something familiar, yet different enough. Something warm. Something comfortable.

We dated for awhile and it became apparent this was something special and we committed to see where it might take us. Our dates consisted of grabbing a salad and heading down to the river to watch the boat traffic on the water. Or going to Rural King to look at the baby chicks and ducklings and buy birdseed. Or going for a long drive in the country. They were inexpensive dates. They were comfortable dates. They were made more special by the bond between us.

Every day is a date because we choose it to be. We choose to be here for one another. We choose to love each other. These are the lessons gleaned from the fires of my grief. That simple is better. Less is more. That stuff doesn’t matter and food is food just like a car is just a car. Be it a tender cut of Wagyu Beef or burgers on the pool deck. A brand new Mercedes convertible or 2002 Lincoln. The fact I get to do this with someone kind…with someone faithful and true…with someone who loves Jesus is the wealthiest existence I could imagine.

Yesterday’s big Dinner Date?

Cracker Barrel!

They make swoon worthy grits. Biscuits that melt in your mouth. And sweet tea that tastes like the nectar of the gods. Their waitstaff is friendly and attentive. All in a clean and comfortable dining room adorned with antiques like I grew up with on Grandma’s farm.

Someday, I want to look back and remember these comfy dates and less of the evenings I primped in front of a mirror and built up the non-existent courage I felt to be “on”…to be something I really wasn’t. Not deep down inside. This is much healthier and much more fulfilling.

I won’t take that for granted. Not even for a minute.

“…Love makes up for practically anything…”
1 Peter 4:7-11 MSG

Marshmallow Ranch is Back on Etsy!!!

Mon, 27 Mar 2023 01:30:00 -0600

It all started when I decided to leave the rat race of medicine and try to make a living from my own creativity. I dropped down to part time at the neurology office and started making art jewelry from antique silverware and maps. As a matter of fact some of you have been with me since the very beginning and can remember my little Etsy shop. When I lost Mr. Virgo, I tried to keep the shop going, but once I sold the Colorado house and hit the road in my camper I kinda lost my mojo.

Time passed and adventures came and I finally ended up on The Farm…the home of my heart. And I ran into Mr. FixIt…the holder of my heart. And now…its been ten years since Mr. Virgo’s passing and it’s time to turn a corner and do something wonderful and fresh and fun to take me through the NEXT ten years! The joy of my heart!

Marshmallow Ranch is back on Etsy once again!!!!!

It looks decidedly different than it did in the “old days”. My art is different. My skills are different. Shopping experiences are different. And most importantly…I AM DIFFERENT! What I am presenting to you today is a whole new vision that incorporates my art, my graphic design skills, my quirky sense of humor, and my desire to connect with people in ways I haven’t even thought of yet.

I’ve been working diligently on this project and I’m very happy with the way it turned out. I am offering ways for you to own my art…in the form of my photography, my compositions and graphic design elements, and my words…on clothing, accessories, shoes, tea towels, candles. From kitchen items all the way up to suitcases. I’ve combed over this time and again…and I’m sure there still are things that need to be tweaked a little here and there.

There is a button pinned on my Facebook page as well as one on the blog that will lead you right to the shop. It’s not quite as easy to head back to the blog, but the quickest way is to use the back arrow key on your browser page. If you find things that need fixing, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I’ll fix it as soon as possible.

I hope you like the new shop. The category of listings is in the sidebar to the left. I will be adding things going forward…more home goods, clothing, and accessories as well as vintage items. And perhaps I’ll get back in the studio and make pretty things again with my hands one of these days. I hope you’ll keep me in mind for your shopping and gift-giving occasions!

And, as in all things…to God be the Glory!

Enjoy!!!

“…whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV

Honey…I’m Home!

Mon, 20 Mar 2023 01:30:00 -0600

It was cloudy and chilly the whole time.

Did you miss me? Wow…what a whirlwind trip with its ups and downs. First of all, it was SO good to see my camping gals! Some I hadn’t seen in ages and a new gal I’d never met. Now that we aren’t there, I can reveal we stayed at Pymatuning State Park in Andover, Ohio. My campsite was probably the best in the whole park…right on the shore of Pymatuning Lake. The views were gorgeous. It actually wasn’t terribly cold the first couple of days. It rained most of the day Friday. The nights were pretty darned chilly but I stayed plenty warm under the electric blanket (with four more assorted blankets on top) and a small electric space heater running.

The downside was, I didn’t feel very well. I was sick the night before I left for the campground and I chalked it up to my usually pre-trip jitters. But, I didn’t have much of an appetite the entire time. And there was some WONDERFUL food! I’m telling you…these gals can cook! Everything from vegetable soup to breakfast burritos, cheesy egg and sausage grits casserole to pork roast and sauerkraut. There was fruit galore and nibbly treats. It was wonderful…even if I didn’t get to eat much of it.

The cabin was pretty tight quarters with six women and three dogs, but it was cozy with a gas fireplace and everything we needed. I was glad I brought my big camp chairs so we were all pretty comfy.

I started knitting a beautiful Irish wool cardigan in a rich red tweed. I got about four inches finished on Friday. Then…the weather notifications started coming in. They were predicting severe lake effect snow bands from Saturday afternoon to Sunday morning. Depending who you got your weather report from, there was an expected snow accumulation of from two to four inches or six to nine inches. Either way, one inch is too much for me to tow a camper in. I did that once in Colorado and that snow is far more forgiving than the snow around here. So, all things considered, I made an executive decision and decided to head home Saturday morning. And since I already had posts scheduled…I just let it ride till last night when I wrote and scheduled this.

The Bride-to-Be turned 25!

One of the upsides of coming home Saturday was…I got to go to one of the WV Grand’s birthday party Saturday night. This is the one getting married this summer so there were lots of fun things to talk about. We had a lovely time and I was so glad I didn’t have to go anywhere yesterday. I continued to work on the project. I was hoping to do the big reveal today but I still have some housekeeping on the back channels to finish before I can do that. We’ll just have to continue to build the suspense in the meantime.

Saturday morning on Pymatuning Lake!

Mr. FixIt went to the bowling alley to visit with his buddies last night while I stayed in the Big Red Chair working on the computer. The floor of the family room is littered with camping gear…a goodly portion of which needs to go to its proper home at Mr. FixIt Jr’s house. Hopefully we can get that done this week.

Sunday morning!!! One of the gals sent this to our camping group chat. I am SO glad I didn’t have to deal with that with the camper!

Today is officially the First Day of Spring!!! We made it, y’all! And while we may be sitting in the cold with snow on the ground (depending on your location) it won’t be long before REAL spring weather shows up for good. And then…before we know it…it will be so hot we can’t stand it! Are we ever really happy with what we’ve got?

Thanks for keeping the home fires burning while I was gone. As it turned out, I actually had cell service up at the lake and could have written to you but it was kinda nice to have three nights off. It helped stir up the creative juices and get me motivated with new ideas!

“And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.”
Luke 6:31 ESV

#Friends, #Camping, #Snow

Up and At ‘Em!

Thu, 16 Mar 2023 01:30:00 -0600

Gail’s New Spinning Wheel…all Tucked in Safe and Sound

Mr. FixIt woke me with a start yesterday morning at 8:05. We were due at a local garage at 8:30 to drop off the truck to get new brakes. I gently reminded him we weren’t heading out to catch a flight so if we were a few minutes late, we’d be ok. We got the name of this mechanic from Mr. FixIt Jr. This fella did some work for him a few times and he was pleased. Since our usual mechanic couldn’t get us in for a week or so, we decided to give this guy a try. Not only did he get us right in, but his price was far less than the other place and we didn’t have to drive all the way into town. Win-Win!

We went back home and piddled around the house for a while. I tried to do some laundry. I hate our washing machine. It’s one of those “water savers” which is a joke because no matter how well I load it, I always have to rinse twice. This time, I had it loaded just right. I turned it on and set the dials and buttons and used start (why do there have to be SO many buttons?!) The lid lock light came on, there was a click as it locked followed by a brief hum then….click! The lock light went out. I tried everything. I turned it off and on. Hey if it works for a cell phone surely it will work for a washing machine right?

Nothing.

I passed Mr. FixIt on my way out to the camper with an armload of stuff and asked him if he would please go down and commune with that infernal machine and do that voodoo he does so well. He went down, pushed the same buttons I did and…it turned right on! That machine hates me.

I spent a good deal of time cleaning up the camper and restocking with some of the items I took out last fall. I made the bed and stowed away anything loose that might roll around while I’m traveling to the campground tomorrow. I brought out Gail’s spinning wheel that we picked up for her last month. I tucked it under the dinette table and surrounded it with the bed pillows to protect it. That’s recipes cargo. Those things are really expensive…kinda the Mercedes of spinning wheels. I can’t wait to get it to her because she’s really been looking forward to it. After the month they’ve had in East Palestine, she deserves a getaway with the girls and the opportunity to spin on a wheel she’s wanted for decades.

Once I had things squared away in the camper, I brought the slide in and locked up for the night. I spent the rest of the afternoon going through my patterns and accessories then choosing what yarn I want to work with next. I think I’m going to make a beautiful red cardigan next. I also brought a soft grey cashmere blend that might be nice. Then at the last minute, I threw in my go to sock patterns and a pretty sock yarn. What can I say…I’ll know what I want to knit when I get there.

Gail tells me there is no cell service at the campground and there’s probably no WiFi either. So I’ll schedule some repeat posts for you for the rest of the week and I’ll be back live Monday morning! It’s going to be nice to have a break.

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 ESV

We May Need That Someday!

Mon, 06 Mar 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I’ve heard it said that. You never need any of the crap you hang onto…until the week after you get rid of it. And isn’t that the truth? It’s happened time and again. And tools. You buy them, you put them in the building/shed/basement along with all the other stuff only to learn you cannot find it when you need it so you buy another…and another…and another! It makes me crazy!

A dear friend of mine is selling a house and they’re getting down to the wire and it needs the last of the stuff cleared out. Her husband and my husband are cut from the same bolt of cloth. I’ve always greatly admired him and when I decided to start dating after Mr. Virgo died, I was determined to find someone with the same quality of character…honorable, honest, and devoted, with a strong work ethic. I found that in Mr. FixIt. I didn’t really think about the fact that my new husband would have any….unfavorable characteristics. Like hoarding. Not in the likes of those poor unfortunates on the television show. No…hoarding like “I can’t throw this piece of wood away because I may need it someday but then when I DO eventually need it, I won’t be able to find it so I’ll buy more wood!” Yeah…like that.

After decluttering forty year’s worth of stuff when I sold the house in Colorado, I was certain I would NEVER have to deal with that again. Ahhhhhh…what do they say? Never say never?

*sigh*

Anyway, I digress. My dear friend’s husband had a stash of wood he was getting rid of and this meme made me laugh. I had to send it to him, of course. And to Mr. FixIt. We all know those folks who can’t get rid of stuff. My late friend Sparky got after me when I was promoting the joys of downsizing. She pointed out to me that she left an abusive marriage with nothing much more than the kids and the clothes she could pack in the car. Everything she had, she worked hard to get and she was proud of that fact. She was frugal and didn’t spend carelessly so she cherished everything she had. I had never thought of it that way and I was glad she called me on it.

My mom was like that. She loved her stuff. She could find anything in the house, but by golly, it was HERS and there was no one going to take that away from her. She kept shoeboxes full of ballpoint pens that didn’t write. Cartons of cleaned baby food jars with lids. Drawers of disposables from fast food restaurants…plastic cutlery, napkins, salt and pepper packets, ketchup/mustard/horsey sauce, straws, the little plastic cups with lids that salad dressing and cole slaw came in. And who was left to clean all that up when she was gone? Moi. Me, myself, and I. I did it for her…I did it for Mr. Virgo…and if our plans come to fruition and we downsize and move…we’ll be forced to do it again.

I know my husband doesn’t want to get rid of his stuff. He tells a story of his mom having the boys come and haul off some of his dad’s “junk” when he wasn’t there and I think that really stuck with him. He’s worked hard all his life…since he was about seven years old and his dad put him and his brother to work in the theater they owned. He deserves to have his stuff around. However…we really do need to get a handle on it. When we downsize and move to town, it’s not going to happen on its own.

I was going to go to Marietta and hear Fran Lebowitz speak at the People’s Bank Theater for the Esbenshade Series yesterday. But as the day wore on, and I started seeing light at the end of the tunnel on this project, I elected to stay and work as Mr. FixIt was heading to the bowling alley. I get so much more work done when the house is quiet. I’m really happy with the way this is turning out and I hope it goes over well.

“But all things should be done decently and in order.”
1 Corinthians 14:40 ESV

A Big Shift is Coming

Wed, 01 Mar 2023 02:30:00 -0600

The First Signs of Spring

I went to town yesterday for my appointment and to run some errands. (I lost four pounds! Yay, me!!!) Mr. FixIt and I spend more time together one-on-one than anyone I’ve ever been with. I love living life with him…the simplest things are more fun, more meaningful, just…better with him by my side. We both realize it’s important to maintain our own interests and friends as well. And invariably, when we are apart…even for a short time…we miss each other something awful.

In less than two weeks, we’ll be commemorating the 10th angelversary of Mr. Virgo’s death. As I drove around and ran my errands yesterday, my mind wandered over how my life has changed in the last decade. There will be a lot of musings in the coming days processing yet another milestone since his loss as well as honoring who he was…to me, to his family and friends, to the world.

I was 59 when I became a widow. I faced my 60th birthday alone…certainly not how I had envisioned it. I am a much different woman than I was the day he died. Changed by the loss itself. Changed by the awakening of my awareness that I was in this for the long haul. Changed by the realization that I was never going to get through this if I didn’t let God lead me instead of trying to slog through it on my own. It was pretty clear to me early on that I would make a terrible mess of things on my own. I am blessed that I found Mr. FixIt a few years later. Turning 70 will be a far different proposition than 60 was. A lot of that is the personal growth I’ve attained in the years since Mr. Virgo’s death.

I got home just in time for Mr. FixIt, Jr’s arrival. He came to put the ridge vent on the roof over over the family room. My sweetie had everything laid out for him so he was done in an hour then sat and visited for a while. I was working on my laptop in the Big Red Chair and I could overhear their conversation. It was easy, gentle. It flowed with the confidence that comes from time, true love and genuine respect. I didn’t have that with my dad. Mr. Virgo didn’t have that with his children. Not all relationships are built that way. Some people are blessed with an easier time of things. Mr. FixIt is a good man. A fine husband. And a wonderful father.

I’m just polishing up the last details on my big project. It should be ready to launch on March 13th…the day after Mr. Virgo’s angelversary. It’s time to honor his memory with something new and fresh and hopeful.

Stay tuned!

“‘You’re my servant, serving on my side. I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you.’ Don’t panic. I’m with you. There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you. I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.”
Isaiah 41:10 MSG

Valentines

Wed, 15 Feb 2023 02:30:00 -0600

Mr. FixIt finished cutting in around the doors, the top, and the bottom of the walls yesterday. We were going to tag team and he took the first shift. We didn’t count on the handy edging gizmo to work so well and he was done in less than thirty minutes. I continued to work on this project. I’ve hit several stumbling blocks, but I think I’m back on track now. The learning curve is fierce. Or…maybe it’s my brain that’s not as spry as it used to be. Who knows?

After my sweetheart snoozed in his Big Red Chair, we decided to go to town for pizza as our Valentine’s Day celebration. We weren’t sure where to try. We’re disappointed with our usual place. And there are several in town that people rave over but we wouldn’t give them the time of day. Too expensive. Too greasy. Too dodgy. Finally, we settled on a tiny little hole in the wall over in Belpre called Smitty’s.

I have to tell you…my first little slice was unimpressive. But by the second….oh, yum! It wasn’t by any means my favorite pizza ever, but it was decidedly passable. We sat along the Ohio River overlooking the mansion on Blennerhassett Island. The water was like glass and reflected the sycamores and the grand manse with precision. We munched out on our Italian delight and enjoyed the peace and quiet along with four or five other cars with folks doing the same thing.

Afterwards, we went to the Kroger store and bought a cake. Not just any cake. A Black and White cake like the one the kids brought Mr. FixIt for his birthday. This cake is so delicious, I’m hard pressed as to which side I like the best. The chocolate doesn’t seem to make my tummy hurt like eating chocolate candy so I get the same flavor. I think we should cut it up in slices and freeze some of it so we don’t just finish it of as fast as we can. It’s that good.

We came on home and enjoyed our evening together. We are each other’s best valentine! Mr. FixIt picked up the kraft paper that was taped down in the hallway. Thank GOODNESS! Have you ever seen a video of a cat with a piece of scotch tape stuck to her paw? She’ll jerk around trying to shake that off…tiptoeing and prancing around like crazy. That’s what we’ve been doing walking on that crackly kraft paper for the last several days. I’m SO glad it’s gone now!

We have to start doing more projects now. Today’s high is supposed to be 73°! We’re going to uncover the Big Birdhouse and get her set up and cleaned so we can advertise her for sale this week. Same with Joy, the ‘67 Franklin. They both have to go to new homes. Our list is long and our time is short. Not the best recipe for success…but succeed, we shall!

“Oh! Teach us to live well! Teach us to live wisely and well! Come back, God—how long do we have to wait?— and treat your servants with kindness for a change. Surprise us with love at daybreak; then we’ll skip and dance all the day long. Make up for the bad times with some good times; we’ve seen enough evil to last a lifetime. Let your servants see what you’re best at— the ways you rule and bless your children. And let the loveliness of our Lord, our God, rest on us, confirming the work that we do. Oh, yes. Affirm the work that we do!”
Psalms 90:12-17 MSG

A Warm Night in the Camper

Sat, 11 Feb 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I know it may sound silly, but I love sleeping in the camper. I think that was imprinted deeply when I found my first camper to be such a sanctuary for my grief as a new widow. Somehow it transported me above the pain just enough to allow me to breathe and take little bites instead of drowning in it. I’ve had a camper ever since. Several, to be exact. And each one comforted me.

I don’t need comforting as much anymore. Now my escape is more of a place to just be with my thoughts, my writing, and this project. It doesn’t have to be on the road or at some fancy place. I can camp 100 feet from the house and it feels just as adventurous as a National Park clear across the country. And…it’s free!

It doesn’t hit Mr. FixIt that way. He would rather have his comfy bed and bathroom handy. But he would never deny me the pleasure of camping whenever I need a cozy camper fix. I can guarantee you something. If Mr. Virgo were still alive, I never would have gone off camping without him. He didn’t like it if I went to Denver for a visit without him, let alone hook up a 30 foot camping trailer and haul it across the country. It never woulda happened.

That’s not to mean our life wouldn’t have been happy. To the contrary, we did everything together. But now? Now I know what I am capable of. I know what happens when you lose your spouse and you have to learn how to do everything on your own. I’ve had a taste of the freedom I never would have known to seek. Mr. FixIt knows that. My adventurous spirit is one of the things that attracted him to me. He’s proud when he shares with his buddies that I am off hauling the camper on some grand adventure. Many of them are aghast and claim they NEVER would let THEIR wives go off like that. Mr. FixIt just shakes his head and laughs.

“You don’t LET your wife do things. You CELEBRATE her abilities and ENCOURAGE her!”

Ohhhh, he’s a good, good man!

I need to sit down and start making some camping reservations for us this summer. We have a busy year already with our annual trip to the beach, my cousin’s visit here, two family weddings and a trip to Colorado to see my peeps. The time just seems to fly by anymore.

Mr. FixIt and I put the ceiling vent back up where the attic fan comes through the ceiling of the hallway. He put the light fixtures back up and taped the molding. Today we’ll paint then he can finish up the new molding around the doors and we’ll be finished. Slow and steady wins the race. The only thing is, there’s SO much to be done around here, by the time we get to the end of the list, it’ll be time to start doing things over again!

Big swims again today…her last swim meet of the season.

Go Big, Go!!!

“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.”
Ephesians 5:25-28 MSG

Ain’t it Good to be Back Home?

Thu, 09 Feb 2023 02:30:00 -0600

The View out Grandma’s Window

Before I say anything else, I want to thank you all for your wonderful, supportive comments yesterday about my dilemma and what I should do with my brother as he ages. Your words meant so much to me it brought tears to my eyes. I know others who have blogs and I swear…I can’t imagine they have readers as kind and supportive as you all! Thank you from the bottom of my heart…you really made me feel better.

I stayed that extra night at the farm so I could hear the rain on the tin roof. It goes right through me to the depths of my spirit and soothes me. I fiddled around for a while yesterday morning then finally got things put together and headed home. We have had some beautiful sunny days the last week or two. I didn’t get home till 2:00…too late to start painting. We did get a few chores done. We took the big ceiling vent out where the old whole house exhaust fan lives. Mr. FixIt wanted to paint it. It was quite the chore for the two of us, but it wasn’t heavy…just awkward. Of course, now we have a huge gaping hole up to the attic and I’m praying there aren’t any critters up there that want to make their presence known!

It’s supposed to get up to nearly 70° today! It’ll be a lovely day to start painting because we can open the windows. Hopefully we can knock this job out in a relatively short time because I have lots of work to do on this project and I need to get back to the wedding quilt in a hurry. June will be here before we know it!

We are coming up to the tenth anniversary of Mr. Virgo’s death soon. I never dreamed I’d survive that, let alone make it ten years! There’s something I’ve put off all these ten years and I cannot put it off any longer. I’ve never put a monument on Mr. Virgo’s grave. I know, it’s shameful. But it was all so…final. It’s the “last thing” and I just didn’t want to face it. I pushed it to the back burner, but it just seems right to do it now. The trouble is, I can’t put my finger on some of the paperwork, so it’s something else that’s been added to the very long list of things I’m working on. At least it’s in the process now.

This is another one of those things I’m telling myself not to feel guilty about. Everyone’s grief is different and there isn’t a set schedule for when these things have to be completed. Did any of you put those kinds of things off?

““Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn’t first sit down and figure the cost so you’ll know if you can complete it? If you only get the foundation laid and then run out of money, you’re going to look pretty foolish. Everyone passing by will poke fun at you: ‘He started something he couldn’t finish.’”
Luke 14:28-30 MSG

Getting Real With Grandma

Wed, 08 Feb 2023 02:30:00 -0600

Good Morning from The Farm

I had just gone to sleep Monday evening when the phone rang. It startled me and I jumped up to get it. It was Mr. FixIt. He had gone out to look at the moon and heard a strange animal sound…really close. So he stood quietly and recorded it for me to hear. He didn’t know I was asleep or he would have waited till morning. But by then, of course…I was really awake. (You can listen here!)

With some research on the internet, we determined what he heard was most like a fox. We have seen them in the surrounding woods…lithe, red critters with dark socks and beady eyes. I ran into the neighbors across the road from the farm today and he agreed on the identification. Too high pitched for a coyote, he thinks.

The reason I didn’t feel great Monday night was an upsetting phone call. You know I have a brother who is developmentally disabled and he lives in an assisted living facility in the town where I lived in Colorado. He’s been there for nearly two decades and it has become the home of his heart. When I moved back to West Virginia, I offered to bring him with me, but he demurred. He said he was perfectly happy where he was. And his is. They love him there. He knows all of them. They’re like a big family.

When I saw the caller ID was his case manager, my heart sank. They wanted to let me know that my brother is slipping some and will soon need more assistance so they’re looking to place him in the group home where there is 24/7 supervision. We’ve talked about this for a couple of years as the next logical step. I’ve considered bringing him here, but we would have to start all over with attaining funding for him. And I think it would be harder on him to move him now. I’ll still check into it so I’ll have all my information at hand when we have his next evaluation.

The hardest thing is seeing him decline. My greatest fear is letting down those I love and depend on me. So, later in the night, I had a long heart-to-heart “talk” with my grandma. I was sleeping in her bed. I told her how afraid I was for my Bubby. And how guilty I feel that I don’t care for him at home like she did with one of her sons and like my mom did. I asked for her help and her strength to do what’s best for him.

I honestly felt like I was with her for hours. I finally drifted off to sleep and when I woke up, I had a much more peaceful outlook. I know that whatever happens, I have given my Bubby a life like he’d never had the opportunity for when Mom was alive. He’s done amazing things and has learned to do the everyday living skills that Mom always did for him. He’s traveled on trips with groups that take the developmentally disabled on glorious vacations. He’s gone to Hawaii and taken a cruise to Catalina Island and even went to Mexico! He never could have done that had he stayed here in West Virginia. I just needed “permission” to cut myself some slack and know that I’m doing what’s best for him. I promised my mom that I would always see that he was taken care of.

Once I woke up and got my tea and a banana, I went out on the front porch to watch the world go by. I seldom keep a pair of the socks I make, but these are special because Gail gave me the yarn. Our temperature got up to 60° and it was delightful to sit out in the fresh air. After I saw the weather report, I decided to stay another night because they were predicting rain. I love the sound of the rain on the tin roof here at the farm. It soothes my soul.

I got a lot of work done on the computer the last three days. Then, just before dark, I heard a siren coming up the road. We don’t get much excitement out this way. It was the rescue truck and it was quickly followed by about four or five fire trucks, an ambulance, and several volunteer firefighters. I don’t have a scanner nor do the neighbors across the road. A friend of mine from high school lives on up the road in the direction the emergency vehicles were headed so I texted her.

She sent me a couple of photos of a fire on the ridge at the top of the hill. It looked like a brush fire that got out of control. About an hour later, she said she couldn’t see the flames anymore so they must have gotten it under control. With as wet an environment as we have here, you would think forest fires wouldn’t be very common. But we are more prone in the winter when the leaves are down and it gets dry. And it was windy yesterday.

I’ll head home here in a little bit. Mr. FixIt has the hallway prepared to paint so that will be our job in the coming days. We have to strike when the iron’s hot and he feels up to doing a fixit job around the house. I’m looking forward to getting a few jobs done before mowing season.

“Tell these things to the people so that they will do the right thing in their extended family. Anyone who neglects to care for family members in need repudiates the faith. That’s worse than refusing to believe in the first place.”
1 Timothy 8 MSG

Earthly Love Isn’t Perfect

Mon, 06 Feb 2023 02:30:00 -0600

Love is grand, isn’t it? We meet someone and something stirs within us. Our curiosity is piqued. We dance around each other…no different than the mating rituals of exotic birds. Feathers fluffed strutting our stuff. We go through a pretty standard procedure of “Here’s who I am…now who are you?” Somewhere in the process, we either let go and move on or we hang on for the ride of our lives.

It’s all so perfect when it’s new and you think that no two people could be more perfectly matched. Love is designed that way. If you approached it like a job interview or an investment strategy, it wouldn’t be nearly as much fun now, would it? We love to be in love. The thrill of the chase and the triumphant march of the conqueror is as addictive as any street drug.

Then…real life hits the fan. He snores. She can’t cook a lick. They may decide to make babies. Or maybe the decision was made for them. Or maybe they don’t. The point being…you’d better have a good, strong foundation if you expect this grand romance to last when the shine is off the bumper.

A lot of young people don’t make it very far in marriage. My first was fairly short. Long enough to give me my beautiful firstborn. The second lasted a whole lot longer…two decades actually. I thought it was the one for the long haul but it turned out not to be. My prize from that marriage was quirky, perky baby girl. Then Mr. Virgo came along. We were “perfect” together. We never fought. We never even raised our voices to one another. We never got to the point where it was necessary because he just up and died on me.

Looking back now, I can clearly see the mistakes I’ve made along the way. So, when Mr. FixIt and I crossed paths after knowing each other since 1968, we’d both had a lot of the rough edges worn off. We became a soft landing place for each other. And we found something special. A playmate. A lover. A confidant. A best friend. A partner in everything from inside jokes to planning major purchases and running this business of life.

Putting the label of “perfect” on a marriage is a dangerous thing…especially in the age of social media comparisons. What IS perfect, anyway? Is it The Waltons? Leave it to Beaver? When Harry Met Sally or Sleepless in Seattle? Marriage isn’t Hollywood. You have to take the bitter with the sweet, just like anything else in life.

Something remarkable happened to me a couple of months ago. I was having trouble sleeping and it was affecting every area of my life…from my memory to my bodily functions to my mood. The longer it went on, the worse it got and I was frustrated. Angry. Scared. When you’re going through rough patches, the first person you take it out on is the closest person at hand. And that person was my infinitely patient, ever so kind and gentle husband.

I could see the hurt behind his eyes when I lashed out and it broke my heart. I hated myself for it. I’ve been in a place before when things got dark. Depression is the next stop on the angry train and I wasn’t about to go there again. I especially didn’t want to take my sweetheart on that ride.

One evening I was searching through my old photos and came across the sweetest picture of Mr. FixIt. He was gazing into the camera with such deep love it twisted my heart and made me yearn for those early months of our relationship. So I talked to my doctor about what was bothering me and it turned out I was terribly sleep deprived.

We’ve made adjustments and I started taking a medicine I used a long time ago that helps me sleep and is not habit forming. Trazodone is also a mild antidepressant. Now I’m getting 6-8 hours of sleep a night, my mood is much better, my memory has improved, my anxiety is reduced, and Mr. FixIt is the beneficiary of all of the above. Two months ago, I couldn’t have dreamed of attempting this big project I’m working on. I didn’t have the bandwidth or the energy. And now? Now I’m cruising along, firing on all cylinders again. And Mr. FixIt and me? Well, were back on track and have much more fun.

Too many people call it quits when they hit a bump in the road because they think a marriage has to be perfect. It doesn’t. It has to be REAL. And it really helps when you can put some fun in the mix. We may not be perfect…but we’re perfect for each other and that’s what matters most.

Here’s my advice…when you have one nerve left and your spouse is standing on it, find a picture where there’s love in their eyes and go where that leads you. You can’t change them…but you can change how you react to them. Then ask yourself this one question… Which is more important? Being right…or being happy? You aren’t going to change each other. Just as the way to God is not easy, neither is the path toward marital fulfillment. It does take effort and due diligence. But the rewards are unimaginable.

““Don’t look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don’t fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life—to God!—is vigorous and requires total attention.”
Matthew 7:13-14 MSG

#Marriage, #Happiness, #Effort

It’s Time to Get Serious Here

Sat, 04 Feb 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I need to lose weight. Oh, it’s not for the weddings in May and June. It’s not to fit into something pretty or to look better in my jeans. Frankly, I haven’t worn jeans since the pandemic started. That’s how I got into this pickle. When you wear stretchy pants, you have a lot of room to grow into. Jeans will remind you when you’ve been hitting the pizza particularly hard.

No, I just want to lose weight so I feel better. So I’ll have more energy. So I can keep doing the things I want to do. Because if I don’t, I’m going to have to give up hauling a camper cross country a lot sooner than I’d like. You truly do have to “use it or lose it.” I’m far to young to give up on the fun part of life!

I have found it a lot easier if you have a health conscious buddy that you can partner with who wants to achieve the same goals. You can encourage each other and keep each other accountable. And most definitely cheer each other on. It takes a lot of cheerleading to accomplish weight lost. The rewards are tremendous.

I wish I could lose weight as easily as most men do. If a man wants to lose weight, he cuts out that extras slice and maybe only takes one pastry with his coffee at the office and he can drop a ton in no time. A woman? Not so much. I can get fat on air. When I grab that slice of cake, my inner dialog all to often vacillates between, “Go ahead…you deserve it!” to “Oh, who are you kidding…you might as well smear it on you butt because it’s going to go there anyway!”

These types of self-destructive conversations foil my efforts far too often. I’m not ugly with myself. I don’t call myself names. I just love to cook…and I love to eat. But, I’m at a point now where I can’t keep fooling myself that it doesn’t matter. It’s time…PAST time…to get the ball rolling and try some healthier habits.

I’ve been making some small changes over the last few months. I’ve almost cut out diet soda completely. I have cut out coffee and caffeine. If I want a sweet, I have it without guilting myself. I just have a smaller piece and stay away from seconds. I’ve started eating a small yogurt every night that has probiotics in it. I sprinkle some low sugar, high protein granola over it. That is just as satisfying as a bowl of ice cream…something I haven’t had for nearly a year.

We are breakfast eaters, so I’ll pull one of those sausage patties I made last weekend out of the freezer, fry an egg in a nonstick pan, sprinkle a tablespoon of shredded cheese on it and sandwich it between slices of lo-cal bread. It’s very filling and lasts me till late afternoon when we eat supper. That’s not all that bad.

It’s supper that gives me trouble. I love pasta dishes and red meat and pork roasts and baked potatoes. We don’t have nearly enough fruits and vegetables with our meals. This is where I need to get busy and make some changes. We never go to dinner in restaurants. We seldom eat fast food and when we do, it’s usually Wendy’s where I eat a salad and Mr. FixIt has a baked potato with chili over it.

Back in 2016, I worked with a trainer and lost a lot of weight and got really fit. I don’t know that I can walk the Quincy Hill steps like I did back then. That was really hard on my knees. I CAN get out and walk every day…I just have to make the first steps. Then the second. And before I know it, things with progress in the direction I want to go.

If you want to end up in a different place, you have to stop taking the same old road.

It’s time.

“….Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 MSG

Stretching Your Food Dollars

Mon, 30 Jan 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I cracked the egg in the skillet and it became the shape of WV!

We are big breakfast eaters here at Marshmallow Ranch. When I askMr. FixIt what he’d like to eat, sometimes I get an answer. Other times it’s… “I don’t know.” Those are the mornings when I have the green light to just make whatever I want and he never complains about what’s put in front of him.

Like most everyone, our food dollars are getting stretched to the max. I’m always on the lookout to find ways to use up leftovers so nothing gets thrown out. (I’m not always successful.) I follow the Facebook Page for Sugar Butte Farms out of Logan, Ohio. It’s run by a young couple and I admire their work ethic. They have a lovely page where they share videos and recipes.

The other day, they were featuring breakfast foods and posted a video for making sausage patties in bulk. They packaged them up and stored some in the fridge and some in the freezer. I watched the video again yesterday as I mixed up a double batch of these delicious patties. We both loved them!

I remember my grandma telling me about adding “fillers” to their meat during the Great Depression. They would add oats or flour to extend the servings. When Hubby #2 was in medical school, I added TVP (Texturized Vegetable Protein) to hamburger to make meatloaf, chili and spaghetti sauce. This recipe for the sausage patties reminded me of that.

I was in the Piggly Wiggly Saturday afternoon and picked up a pound each of regular and hot sausage with this recipe in mind. When Mr. FixIt didn’t have a breakfast request yesterday, I knew just what to make! Here’s a link to Sugar Butte Farm’s video, as well as the recipe.

Farmhouse Breakfast Sausage Patties from Sugar Butte Farms

Preheat oven to 350° and line a cookie sheet with parchment paper

1 pound Ground Breakfast Sausage
1 cup Flour
1 cup Grated Cheese, your choice of variety
1 Egg

Add ingredients to a mixer bowl and mix till well blended. Form into patties and place on the parchment lined cookie sheet. Bake at 350° for 15 to 20 minutes. (Mine were a little thicker so it took closer to 25 to 30 to get done. I turned them over halfway through so they’d be evenly browned. Like I said, I doubled the batch and used one pound each of regular and hot breakfast sausage. When I make them next time, I’ll use all hot sausage because it really wasn’t very spicy at all. I think the extra ingredients toned down the flavor. We served them on a toasted bagel with a fried egg on top. Yummm!

I needed a fast meal yesterday afternoon so Mr. FixIt could eat before he went to the bowling alley to hang with his buddies. I had some sauerkraut, a Polish Kielbasa, and a can of cubed potatoes. I put all the ingredients in a covered saucepan and simmered them for thirty minutes or so. We just served it on the plate with a dollop of mustard and called it good!

The weekend was lovely and restful and I’m ready to hit the ground running this morning. I hope your weekend was grand!

“Hard work always pays off; mere talk puts no bread on the table.”
Proverbs 14:23 MSG

#Frugal, #MealPlanning, #Cooking

Eating From The Pantry

Thu, 26 Jan 2023 02:30:00 -0600

My cousin in South Carolina is wicked smart. She can go shopping and come back with a car load of goods and more money in her purse than when she left the house. It’s incredible! I am always in awe when she posts on FB about her bargains and I try to emulate her financial acumen…though not nearly as successfully.

One thing she does at this time every year is eat out of the pantry for a month and buy little to nothing save for a few perishables. We were out of eggs yesterday, so I did ask Mr. FixIt to pick up some when he was in town. I stood in front of the pantry and looked at what we had. I chose spaghetti. Then I had a peek in the fridge and grabbed the last four slices of bacon and two big cloves of garlic.

I cut the bacon in little pieces, put about half a cup of water in a skillet and dumped in the bacon. I gave it a good stir and set the heat to medium while I smashed and minced the garlic. I put the pasta on to cook. The water evaporated on the bacon and it fried up so nice and crispy. Once the bacon was done, I strained the crispy pieces out and put about a teaspoon of the bacon grease back in the skillet.

Still on medium heat, I gently stirred the garlic for about 30 seconds till it was lightly golden brown. You do NOT want to burn garlic or it gets terribly bitter and you have to start over. I put the garlic in a bowl along with another scant tablespoon of the bacon grease. Then, when the grease was cool enough not to fry them, I added three fresh eggs and one extra egg yolk and one cup of finely grated parmesan cheese, a teaspoon of salt and a teaspoon of freshly cracked pepper.

I carefully drained the water from the al dente pasta and reserved a cup of the hot cooking water. It was pretty starchy, and I needed that for the sauce. After I put the pasta back in the pan, I gently poured a half cup of the pasta water in the egg mixture and whipped it carefully. Then I poured the sauce in the hot pasta and added the bacon. I tossed it several times over the next two to three minutes and watched that raw egg sauce magically cook by the heat of the spaghetti. Voila! Spaghetti Carbonara! Everyone should know how to cook this incredibly easy dish. It’s quick, economical, and looks like you’ve been slaving in a hot kitchen all day. So, so yummy!

Yesterday was one of those days where I felt like all I was doing was cooking and cleaning. I made French Toast and bacon for breakfast. It was NOT a low fat, low carb day. But we seldom eat so rich. It’s just nice to know you can whip up something so delicious with stuff you have on hand. Oh, and by the way…Dollar General has had eggs at just under $4.00 so we got two dozen.

Mr. FixIt and I talked the other day about getting chickens. I guess we aren’t the only ones because there have been several stories in the news of late about the truth of rearing chickens. I’ve heard of people adding up the numbers and, not only was it a full time job keeping up with the hens, they ended up paying about $18 a dozen. We are at a point in our lives where we would just as soon pay someone else’s to raise our food. I’ll buy in bulk from farmers and farmer’s markets before I’ll spend all that money and maybe not have good results.

I worked at my desk yesterday and wasn’t quite as productive as I’d been the day before. There’s a big learning curve in what I’m doing but man is it a blast! I finally reached my brother. He has lost two phones since Thanksgiving! I have no idea what’s happening to them, but they can’t find them anywhere. He has a land line which is how I spoke with him, but he can’t hear very well on it. We’ll be going to Colorado this summer sometime so I’ll make it a point to straighten all that out.

Mr. FixIt is at the beginning stages of purging the house. He’s lived here since the late ‘70s so it’s going to be a huge undertaking. It’s like when you catch your kids doing something awesome. You want to thank them and point out how happy you are, but you don’t want to jinx anything so you let it go! lol Let’s just say, I’m tickled to death and I’ll do anything to support him while he gets to work. I’ve already done the big purge when I sold the Colorado house. I know what he’s up against and it isn’t pretty nor is it easy. But it IS satisfying.

The week is half gone and we’re sliding into the weekend soon. Mr. FixIt is going to the WVU Basketball game on Saturday with his son. I elected to stay home. I have so much to do and I am not crazy about crowds. While our little county doesn’t have any reported cases of Covid, you KNOW it’s here. They’re just not reporting their positive tests anymore since we’re taking our tests at home for the most part.

It’s been an ordinary day in the ordinary life of some ordinary folks. But man…we sure do have fun with it!

“…Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. Love makes up for practically anything. Be quick to give a meal to the hungry, a bed to the homeless—cheerfully. Be generous with the different things God gave you, passing them around so all get in on it: if words, let it be God’s words; if help, let it be God’s hearty help. That way, God’s bright presence will be evident in everything through Jesus, and he’ll get all the credit as the One mighty in everything—encores to the end of time. Oh, yes!”
1 Peter 4:7-11 MSG

A Time of Rest and Reflection

Mon, 16 Jan 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I read the other day that the most depressing day of the year is January 16th. Their reasoning is, it’s dark and cold, the holiday fun is over, but the bills for that fun are coming in. If I can’t pay cash for it, I don’t buy it unless it’s something emergent, so I don’t have increased bills coming in mid-January. Still, I can see where they’re coming from. I think that’s one reason we leave our lights up till Valentine’s Day.

I’ve noticed huge changes in my demeanor the last couple of months. My PCP added two new meds…one for my anxiety and the other to help me sleep…(neither are habit forming) and they are working splendidly. Now that I’m not so anxious all the time and the quantity and quality of my sleep has improved, I have much more energy and creativity. I have so many great ideas and I’m excited about implementing them.

It all centers around the tenth “angelversary” of Mr. Virgo’s death. It’s a monumental stop on this path and marks a change in my thinking. I survived something I felt I couldn’t. Not only have I survived, I turned my pain into purpose and purpose into a platform. I’m feeling that same metamorphosis coming on and this time it’s exciting.

Yesterday was God’s day and we headed into it with no real plans. We had an hourlong video chat with my “in-loves” (the new term I’ve learned referring to my son-in-law’s parents.) Even though it was still quite cold, the sun was beckoning us to go DO something. We drove to town to get a Popeye’s chicken sandwich…my FAVORITE fast food. (Next comes Arby’s, though I don’t know why. I’m not totally sure it’s real meat, but it sure tastes good!) Then we went through the car wash, toweled it all down, vacuumed, and cleaned the interior. Once we were finished, we took our shiny car to one of the grandkid’s house to see the birthday boy since we missed his 3rd Birthday party on Saturday. Thankfully, Pumpkin Kitty was perfectly normal yesterday and we put her in the building before we left!

It was a perfect day of rest. I spoke with my brother and with my Uncle Bud on the phone. And now I’m ready to face a busy week with enthusiasm and gratitude!

“Don’t just do what you have to do to get by, but work heartily, as Christ’s servants doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who happens to be giving the orders, you’re really serving God. Good work will get you good pay from the Master, regardless of whether you are slave or free.”
Ephesians 6:5-8 MSG

TWO Trips to Town!

Sat, 07 Jan 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I needed to get my blood drawn yesterday for my followup Tuesday with the Endocrine Surgeon who did my parathyroidectomy last February. This will quite likely be my last appointment with him and I’ll be discharged from his care. I drove in early for the blood draw, then ran a few errands and headed home. If I just drove there and straight back, it’s about a ninety minute roundtrip.

I no sooner got settled in the Big Red Chair when the phone rang. The lab ran out of the reagent to do the parathyroid hormone level so the test needed to go over to the hospital lane. Unfortunately, the hospital uses a different kind of tube for their PTH testing and I needed to go back for another blood draw. They were most apologetic and hey…I get it. I worked in medicine my whole life. I understand unpredictable things happen.

I left home the first time at about 8:15AM. I got home the second time at 3:30PM. What is it I tell you? There is no such thing as a quick trip to town. After the first blood draw, I stopped at Michael’s to get a couple small canvases for my foray back into painting. While I was there, I found a really cool “Shot Box”…a portable “photo studio” for taking better photos for my blog. I also have some other things up my sleeve and this will be just what I need for both jobs.

I wanted to get some more yarn for the little Christmas stockings I’m knitting, but I couldn’t remember the manufacturer’s name. When I was driving back into town the second time, I called Mr. FixIt and asked him to send me a photo of the band that went around the skein of yarn. Once he sent that, I could look on the internet for that brand and see where it is sold locally. I couldn’t remember exactly where I’d gotten it before. Turns out, my first hunch was right and it came from Michael’s. This time I walked right to it, found the correct colors, and also found something a little different. A kind of reddish orchid color and grass green. Those will look so cute mixed with some fuzzy white for the cuff, heel and toe.

I’m thrilled I don’t have to go to town for several days now. My appointment with the Endocrine Surgeon on Tuesday is a video visit. Mr. FixIt’s Monday appointment was rescheduled for the end of the month. I don’t think I need to be anywhere till January 16th when Mr. FixIt has an appointment. I am so glad our followup appointments have settled into a kind of clump. I don’t mind having one really busy month if we can get the biggest bang for our buck, so to speak.

Yesterday was a day full of gratitude…two trips to town and all. Because, the ability to be out and about in the world…all healthy like…is such an incredible blessing! And I want to thank you for all your words of support and encouragement yesterday. You all mean more to me than you could ever know. I found myself wondering…would I have ever slumped so low if I’d had this blog back then? My next thought was, this was all GOD’S timing. I became strengthened by the hard things in my life. And that strength is what bought me to where I am today.

What an amazing life we lead…and what an amazing God we have to lead us through it!

Amen!

“I didn’t die. I lived! And now I’m telling the world what God did. God tested me, he pushed me hard, but he didn’t hand me over to Death…..”
Psalm 118:17-20 MSG

I’m on The Right Way

Tue, 03 Jan 2023 02:30:00 -0600

Several years ago, Daughter #2 went to visit her dad. He and his wife had made the life changing decision to sell the house he and I bought together when our daughter was an infant. This is a good thing. It was time to move on…personally, professionally. They needed a fresh start…I get that. I had long since let go of the house we shared. It represented a life I no longer lived and I had no emotional attachment to it.

I didn’t really know anything about the house they purchased. I have no idea what I expected it to look like other than something similar to what we’d always known. He is a frugal man with simple tastes. However, when our daughter arrived, she sent me a photo of something far different than I would have imagined. Grand. Palatial. Sprawling. Gorgeous!

I’m sorry to say, my very first response when I saw that stunning home was… “That was supposed to be MY house!” Never mind that I was in a happy relationship with Mr. Virgo. Never mind that all those years had passed. Somewhere deep in my subconscious, I had a mental image of what my life was supposed to look like. And it was supposed to be in THAT house.

It didn’t take long for me to shake that thought loose and follow it up with the clear realization that…along with that house, should I be living in it at the time, would come the husband that was in it. And I had long since realized we were not good for each other. Let’s just say, it was the final part of letting go of what I thought my life would look like at that point.

Truth be told…my sweet little two story, three bedroom, 2.5 bath home on the top of a hill at the foot of a mountain was nothing to sneeze at. It was the finest home I had ever lived in. It matched the little house I dreamed of escaping to when things got too hard to live with in that marriage. It was the little house I built once I recovered from the darkest moment of my life to that point. It was what I created after my second divorce when I felt lower than a snake’s belly.

I built and decorated that home and eventually welcomed Mr. Virgo to share it with me and my youngest daughter. I never dreamed there would come a day when I would gladly sell it to get away from the painful memories that lurked around every corner after Mr. Virgo suddenly died. My new “home” had wheels and I set out with new images of what life should look like.

Living in the camper and traveling around the country tore away every preconceived notion I had of what my life SHOULD look like. And it gave me ample peace and opportunity to CREATE the life I wanted. The WAY I wanted it. I finally came to a place where I didn’t need to have a man to make my life complete. I didn’t want someone to “complete” me. I came to understand that only God could do that. And that’s when I learned to find joy in the story I was actually living.

Mindfulness is an extraordinarily powerful tool for finding the joy in any given moment. Giving up preconceived notions of what your life SHOULD look like as opposed to reality goes a long way towards finding inner peace. That’s not to say you should give up on dreams. I’m not saying that at all. And if you are not in a good place and you are seeking a safer, more loving and accepting environment, you deserve to work toward that vision. I’m talking about turning disappointments into opportunities. I’m saying the grass on the other side of the fence just might be greener because it’s full of….ummmm…fertilizer. If you catch my drift.

Finding joy wherever you are planted is one of the biggest blessings you can attain in this life. Joy and gratitude will take you a long way. And when we keep that focus, more of that joyful abundance will filter in. Mr. FixIt and I may not have a ton of money, but we are exorbitantly wealthy in other things and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere or be with anyone else in the whole wide world than where we are in this moment.

“Now you’ve got my feet on the life path, all radiant from the shining of your face. Ever since you took my hand, I’m on the right way.”
Psalm 16:11 MSG

A Wonderful Ending and a New Beginning

Mon, 02 Jan 2023 02:30:00 -0600

Santa in the Fog of New Year’s Eve

Taking three days off for the end of the year was a delightful gift…to myself and to our family. We had the FixIt Family Holiday Extravaganza on Friday and it was such a delight. As is our tradition, the big blowout dinner of the year is Thanksgiving. Christmas is much lower key in order to allow all of us to sit down and enjoy the day and no one ends up doing an extraordinary amount of work.

One of my sweet Christmas gifts for the baker in me!

As it turned out, the night before our gathering, my sweetheart brought me a diet soft drink with my supper. I didn’t think anything of it because I’ve been drinking them forever. However, I’ve been living without caffeine for about four months now and just that amount that late in the evening had me laying in bed, counting the spots on the ceiling till about 5:00 in the morning. My alarm went off at 7:00 and I got up to start the two crockpots of chili…one with and the other without kidney beans. I can’t stand kidney beans.

More knitting…more Christmas stockings

As soon as everything was in the slow cookers, I picked up the recipe for the cinnamon rolls. Four pages of recipe. Heavy sigh. Mr. FixIt was still snoozing away when I made an executive decision. Yes…my homemade cinnamon rolls will stop traffic. But, in the grand scheme of things…the Cinnabon Brand of Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls are divine! And my new mantra is…work smarter, not harder. So, I stepped into my shoes and ran to the Pig to buy cinnamon rolls in a can. I apologized to the kids but they were thrilled with whatever we had. The chili was wonderful and the rolls were great, and the company was grand. We had such a good time and we got lots of hugs and kisses from the littles.

GiGi gets to snuggle one of the littles

New Year’s Eve was quiet. We watched a lot of football and snacked on leftovers. We were watching the exciting matchup between Ohio State and the Georgia Bulldogs. It was down to the last few seconds and Ohio State was attempting a field goal to win the game when Mr. FixIt switched the channel over to watch the ball drop! I squealed….”Nooooooo!” He jumped and turned towards me. I laughed and said, “Look, I’ve put in the time, watching this game and now it’s down to the last few seconds. The ball will drop every year, and all we have to do is look up here at the clock to see it’s midnight. So, Happy New Year! Now, please turn it back to the game!” He laughed and did as I asked, just in time to see Ohio State’s kicker swing the ball in a hard left arc…missing the goalpost entirely. Depending on who you were rooting for, you were either over the moon or crushed. I felt so bad for that young kicker.

I got a new stool/cooler/backpack. It may be a little short for sitting, but it will make a GREAT stool for camping and I can carry my knitting projects in it!

We were supposed to have the FixIt Family Holiday Extravaganza 2.0 yesterday but our grandson got called in to work at 7:00am so we will have to reschedule that one. It did offer us the opportunity to turn over and go back to sleep for a few hours. Another treat! We watched more football and ate yummy things all day. It was such a nice break but I was really glad to get back to my writing last night.

Mr. FixIt got an appropriate gift from one of the kids. So cute!

It’s a brand new year. A clean slate. Fresh…shiny…ready to make it as good a year as we possibly can. I hope you all had a great weekend. Now…let’s get to it!

“This is what God says, the God who builds a road right through the ocean, who carves a path through pounding waves, The God who summons horses and chariots and armies— they lie down and then can’t get up; they’re snuffed out like so many candles: “Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new. It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it? There it is! I’m making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands. Wild animals will say ‘Thank you!’ —the coyotes and the buzzards— Because I provided water in the desert, rivers through the sunbaked earth, Drinking water for the people I chose, the people I made especially for myself, a people custom-made to praise me.”
Isaiah 43:16-21 MSG

The Modern Madonna

Sat, 24 Dec 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Let’s face it…we don’t live in a Hallmark movie. Relationships are complicated and oftentimes messy. We can turn to any given channel on the TV at this time of year and see beautiful depictions of perfectly decorated houses with perfectly obedient children eagerly awaiting the appearance of the jolly old elf himself.

Most of my demographic have grandchildren and great grandchildren, so we are a little past the frenetic activity leading up to Christmas. But as the day approaches, we push to create the most perfect holiday so our loved ones have wonderful memories long after we’re gone. The cookies are baked. The house is decorated to the nines. The pantry is full of all manner of delicacies. So…why do we feel so let down when it’s all over?

I think it’s because we’ve held onto these ideals all our lives thinking each holiday MUST be better than the one before it. We do ourselves a huge disservice with that attitude. I’m trying something different this year. I’m trying to let go of any and all expectations, preconceived notions, feelings, judgements, hurts, wrongs, memories and go into the holiday as if I’m a brand new person. I’m pretending…just like I used to when I was a little kid. I’m staying in this moment without judgement and saying…this is my first Christmas! My first holiday dinner. My first wrapping of presents. It’s taken a huge weight off my shoulders and released me from my self-imposed bondage of perfectionism.

Our grandson called yesterday. He’s working long, hard hours so his children can stay home with their mama and not have to go to child care. He ordered something for her and it came to the Post Office, but he wasn’t going to get out of work till really late. He asked his Grandpa if he would go over the hill to town to pick up the gift so he could give it to his sweetest girl. Of course Grandpa said yes. And we even had a nice gift box to put the present in so he wouldn’t have to wrap it.

This young lady is such a good mama to two of our little great-grands. Mommin’ ain’t easy…especially to two rambunctious little boys. I wondered what special gift the boys’ daddy would give their mom that would honor who she is to their little family. When he arrived to pick up the gift, he said, “I have to open this…I really want you to see it!”

He bought her a blanket…with one of his favorite photos on it. It wasn’t some posed picture of scrubbed faces and clean clothes that was at the center of his heart. It was a candid picture he took of his love…sick and exhausted with a tissue stuffed up her nose, leaning back in her chair with one of her precious boys, feverish and sleeping in her lap.

At first, I laughed. Then I thought…OMGosh! She’ll kill him. Then I thought…nope, she’s going to love this as much as he did. She’s going to know…truly know how much this young man loves her. Because, any man who’s going to work and work really hard for every dime then take that hard earned money and put it towards a picture such as this is a good guy. I felt happy for them…proud of them for not taking the easy way out.

No, “Mommin’ Ain’t Easy”. But it’s a whole lot easier when you can just live in the moment and leave that sack of stinky stuff you’ve been hauling around behind you all these years and release it where it deserves to stay. In the past…where it can’t hurt you anymore.

When we let go of all the trappings and expectations of a consumerist society, it allows us to focus on the real meaning of Christmas…the birth of Christ in a lowly manger in Jerusalem. Where the Blessed Virgin may very well have reclined against a makeshift bed amongst the animals in the barn…exhausted from the hard labor of the day. Holding her beloved baby in her arms. I wonder if Joseph might have snapped a photo of his beloved such as the one our grandson took had cameras been around so long ago? Yes…this warm and comforting blanket reminds me of a Modern Madonna…holding her precious child in her arms…and leaning into the moment. With no expectations more than mindful, unbridled love.

May we all remember what this holiday is about.

May we all have a blessed celebration of the Christ-child’s birth.

“For God loved the world in this way: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”
John 3:16 CSB

The First Day of Winter

Thu, 22 Dec 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Ahhhh, the Winter Solstice has come and gone and so has the longest night of the year! Every day forward…from now to June 21st…every day will bring more light and less darkness. Isn’t that a wonderful thought?

It would be very easy to wish this time of darkness away. To only look forward to brighter, better days. But if we do that, we are cheating ourselves out of an experience. All experiences…good and bad…have a purpose. Good times make us joyful. Bad times make us stronger. And quiet times give us space to meditate. To slow down. To breathe and just…be. ALL times should make us grateful for the experience.

I awoke in the early hours yesterday and couldn’t get back to sleep. I ruminated on several things that I couldn’t put away. I read for a while. I tossed and turned. I know I was keeping Mr. FixIt awake, but I just kept thinking I’d fall asleep soon. Three hours later, just after dawn, I finally drifted off and my sweetheart came in at noon to check on my. I’d been awake for just a few minutes. Even though he was on the other end of the house, and I hadn’t made a sound…he knew I was awake. He’s good that way.

Since it was so late, I heated up the leftover quiche for “brunch” and we settled into our cozy red chairs. I picked up my knitting and started Christmas stocking #4. Winter is definitely coming in the next couple of days. I was chatting with my dear friend Sue in Colorado the other night and they are predicting the lowest wind chill temperatures EVER recorded. I sent a message to the girls to make sure they keep the cabinet doors open under the sinks so the room heat can get in and to keep the faucets dripping slightly to avoid freezing pipes.

Our furnace is right beside our pipes in the basement here at Marshmallow Ranch, so I’m not terribly concerned about freezing. I think we are pretty prepared out at the farm. Pumpkin Kitty has a 30’x40’ building that’s all her own with a heated bed and a heated water dish, a big window to look out of, and Mr. FixIt leaves the light on for her at night. He’s sweet that way.

We have plenty of food and water. We have the gas fireplace in the family room and a gas wall stove in the basement if the power should go off. We have the generator, too. We cook with gas so I’m pretty sure we could last for quite some time without power if need be. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that. Please stay safe out there and check in to let us know what’s happening in your neck of the woods!

“The windstorm comes from its chamber, and the cold from the driving north winds. Ice is formed by the breath of God, and watery expanses are frozen.”
Job 37:9-10 CSB

The Power of Being Older

Mon, 12 Dec 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Deer in the headlights. Photo Credit: scienceabc.com

We didn’t do much yesterday. Watched some football together. Mr. FixIt baked a big batch of Peanut Butter Blossoms. Then around 5:00, we drove to town to get something to eat and go to Ollie’s…a bargain outlet in town that was having a 25% off sale on Christmas and toys for members. As we drove by, the sale had just started and the parking lot was crazy busy, so we decided to run across town to Rural King. We needed bird seed, cat food, and kitty litter. We figured we would hit the sale on our way back through town.

When we got there, the parking lot was just as full, if not worse, and I begged Mr. FixIt to bag it and go home. But the allure of a good sale is something that’s hard to fight. Our first clue of trouble was…there were NO empty carts anywhere. He wandered the parking lot in the dark, hoping for one to no avail. When he came back in, I was standing near the front of the store talking with a friend who was leaving empty handed. She wasn’t going to stand in line for over an hour for cheap, plastic stuff from China. Smart woman!

I asked Mr. FixIt if he was ready to bag it now and he said he was going to make a circle around the store. Which was exactly where the checkout line was…ALL the way around the store. He was gone about five minutes when he came back and agreed it just wasn’t worth it to fight all this. He’s gone to this sale before, but later in the evening when the crowds were thinned out. Of course, by that time, everything is picked over so I’m not sure what kind of “quality items” would be left by that time.

We finished chatting with my friend Stacey then headed home. I’ve told you before, we live about 20 miles from town out a curvy two-lane blacktop. It’s really dark and lonely out those roads, but you still get the occasional oncoming car and have to dim your headlights. I’m really bad about remembering to turn them back on so Mr. FixIt dutifully reminds me every time. As soon as I turned the brights back on, there was a deer alongside the road…preparing to cross in front of me. I slammed on the brakes and the squeal of the tires caused the deer to hesitate and we just narrowly missed her.

This is exactly why I do NOT like to be in town after dark at this time of year. The trip wasn’t for nought…we had dinner out at a totally empty Arby’s and we got our bird and cat supplies. But still, my heart was pounding the rest of the way home. Fortunately, the cars backed up behind me seemed to be fine with the slower speed and we didn’t see another deer near the road.

Remember when I told you about going off coffee and my stomach pain that I’ve been fighting for years totally went away? Well, I though maybe it was because I switched to decaf tea, so last Friday I had one cup of decaf coffee and was absolutely miserable all weekend with cramping. This is very sad, because I LOVE coffee. But I love feeling better more. It didn’t decrease at all over the weekend. As a matter of fact, it’s gotten worse.

If any of you suffer with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), you can relate to how uncomfortable it is. This is my worst time of year for symptoms because they are triggered by rich fatty foods and chocolate, among other things. And what do I do at this time of year? I eat all the bad things. Now, there have been years I’ve skated by without much of a problem. But stress is a huge kicker and tomorrow marks a year since my dear friend Sparky died. I am not afraid to tell you…it’s been hitting me especially hard. I’ll cut out the triggers and meditate extra and pray and increase my exercise and I’m sure it will straighten up soon. If not, I’ll go see my PCP this week. Ugh…not what I need during the holidays.

I was supposed to visit my friend Richard today, but I took a rain check. I am just going to take it easy for the next few days. I’ll order the little one’s Christmas presents online and call it good! Working on the wedding quilt will help my mental as well as physical health. There is power in being older…we know for sure when to say enough is enough.

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”
Proverbs 12:25 ESV

Finally Finished With the Sweater

Mon, 05 Dec 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I finally finished the latest sweater! Yay!!! This one took me forever because I was so busy doing other things. But I kept plugging away at it whenever I had a few minutes to sit and knit. I love it! And…this one is for me! I put it on as soon as I finished and, while it is wool and alpaca, it’s really not very itchy. And it’s VERY warm and lightweight. I’m really happy with how it turned out and it will look good with jeans.

I worked on the computer most of the day, still trying to get into the I*n*s*t*a*g*r*a*m account that got h*a*c*k*e*d. Why am I being cryptic? Because there are these things called b*o*t*s…little computer programs that have been programmed to constantly surveil the internet looking for whatever key word they’ve been programmed to find. Then, they zero in and attack the account. Sounds all hoodoo, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not. It’s real and it’s a king-sized pain in the patoot. And, once they get ahold of you, they keep at it. I mentioned the word h*o*c*k*e*y the other day and one commented with a link that looked like it was taking you to a g*a*m*e. I have no idea if it did, I just blocked it and removed it.

I’ve been so lucky over these last ten years. I’ve rarely ever had to crack down on anyone. I’ve seldom had to deal with t*r*o*l*l*s on this page. I hope that doesn’t change now, but we will have to see. All of this has had me thinking. Maybe this whole thing has been a God Wink to lead me in a different direction. Maybe I’m not meant to continue writing an essay every single day. Maybe God is asking me to once and for all get that book…or BOOKS…finally finished and published. I’m praying about it and I’d like for you all to pray for me as well that God will give me clear direction in what direction He wants me to go.

I can’t NOT write. I’ve been down that road before. I think the most I ever lasted was two or three days. Writing for me is as imperative as eating or breathing. But maybe I need to focus that writing into something you can hold on to and re-read as you need/want to without the whims of social media involved. I have SO many ideas for books and I’m not getting any younger. None of us are!

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this is all coming around right as I hit the ten year anniversary of Marshmallow Ranch. I started this blog as a way to sell the art jewelry I was making in my home studio back in December of 2012. I was only working part time and I needed to bring in some extra money. Then, just three months later, Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly and I took everyone along with me on a difficult journey through grief.

I’ve picked up a lot of readers since then, but my FB numbers stay pretty level. Somewhere over 6,000 followers is nothing to sneeze at…it’s a respectable audience. I never set out to break records. I set out to help those coming up behind me on this difficult path. And, along the way I did a lot of healing and the blog morphed into my personal growth stage, then dating and finding love again after loss. It’s been a wonderful place to share stories and adventures.

I’m not at all sure where this train is going to end up, but I do know it can’t go on forever. I’ll just have to wait and see what Heavenly Father wants to do with me. And in the meantime, I write and tell stories and chase bad guys!

This week? Stay tuned for a trip up to get the a-frame camper from the service department in Ohio. Then the holiday cooking begins. Guess what we’re making for Christmas gifts this year? Homemade tamales!!! Ohhhh, this is going to be fun, y’all! I’m meeting high school friends for lunch on Wednesday. Friday night a bunch of friends from our graduating class are gathering for dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. It’s going to be a busy and fun week, so hang on!

“The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit. Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”
Proverbs 16:1-3 ESV

When Bad Things Happen

Tue, 22 Nov 2022 02:30:00 -0600

It turns out, it may not have been the smartest thing. I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to do with my Twitter accounts. Things are flaming out of control over there and I just don’t want to be a part of it. Besides that, they are running on a skeleton crew. Who knows what their security is like, right? I have two Twitter accounts…one for Marshmallow Ranch, and the other strictly grief related.

I finally made up my mind and deleted both accounts and took the app off my phone. As the day wore on, the more I thought about it, the more I regretted deleting the grief related one. So, I went back later and reinstated just the grief account. I did not download the app again…I’ll only access Twitter from my iPad. I may change down the road and delete the app there, as well. I can always just go to Twitter online and bypass the need for the app anyway.

Heading into the holidays is the worst time in the world to abandon people in the throes of grief. The thing I did not realize is this…when you deactivate an account then reactivate it, your followers…disappear. As in zero, zilch, nada…back to square one. All that work I did for years to build it up and it’s just gone. It’s ok, though. I just spent some time reconnecting with some of my previous followers. And I published a tweet explaining the situation.

At least the political stuff isn’t showing up and for that I am most grateful!

We cleaned house in preparation for the big dinner on Friday. I was hampered by a twinge in my back that showed up when I…of all things…pulled on my socks yesterday morning! This getting old crap is for the birds, I’m telling you!

There was a rug on the floor in the walkway through the kitchen to the back of the house. It’s been there since…forever. It was there when I got here. Over time, all the wear and traffic soil got so bad that I couldn’t stand it for another minute. Unfortunately, it was pretty well glued down with double stick tape. I pulled it all up and threw it out. Then I vacuumed up the dust and bits of old tape and got down on my hands and knees to scrub up the places where the sticky stuff had hardened on the floor.

When I was finished, the kitchen looked brighter and more airy and I was really happy with it. I’m thinking I might want to paint the cabinets a light color…kind of give it a facelift without putting a lot of money into it. That’s down the road. Too many other things need our attention first.

We got closer to getting the tree up. Mr. FixIt washed all the windows inside and out in the family room. We always set the tree in front of the picture window because I want people to see it when they drive out our road. Our friend Richard dropped by to pick up a jar of the cranberry sauce I made Sunday. I touched base with Hubby #1 to wish him and his family a Happy Thanksgiving. Daughter #2 called to check in before she and her wife leave for her in-laws’ and her dad’s for the holiday. I’m glad they get a chance to get away. It seems all they do is work and come home.

My daughter was saddened…as am I…with the news of the shooting at the gay bar in Colorado Springs. The beautiful people in that community have been ostracized and abused for so long and violence is escalating against them. They have so few places they can go where they feel safe to be themselves…to feel loved and at home. And now, another one of those safety zones has been taken away from them. I’m not only sad, I’m angry. My daughter and her wife are members of the LGBTQ+ community. When I saw the news, I wasn’t fearful that they were there…it was in another city and they aren’t party people. But…somebody’s mama is grieving their lost child this week. There will be…yet again…more empty chairs at the tables of their loved ones this holiday season.

You know…here’s how I feel. I think God will very likely forgive us if we aren’t perfect with the dogma. But, I think He’ll be pretty darned upset if we don’t get the “Loving Others” part right. He SAID that’s the most important thing. So that’s why I stepped away from Twitter yesterday. I’ll stay and love on the brokenhearted, but I’m not feeding the hate-mongers and I’m not going to be dragged along by someone else’s ugly narrative.

“If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.”
1 John 4:20-21 ESV

Cleaning and Cooking and Watching

Sun, 20 Nov 2022 02:30:00 -0600

It was a busy day here at Marshmallow Ranch. I started out the day bone weary because unfortunately, it was one of those nights that I tossed and turned till 4:00 in the morning. I knew I was keeping my sweetheart awake and there’s no need in both of us being sleep deprived. So I finally got up and went to the guest room. I keep it cooler in there and it wasn’t anytime and I was sound asleep. Still, I woke up pretty early and was ready to get to work.

I managed to persuade Mr. FixIt to let us relax and channel surf in our recliners on Friday, but yesterday was time to pay the piper for the privilege. One of the first things I needed to do was get the pork roast in the slow cooker. I usually don’t put much seasoning on it…maybe a little garlic or a shake of Farm Dust Unsalted Seasoning. I used the leftovers from a box of bone broth instead of putting water on it. It adds to the richness but you don’t want to put any salt in it.

I set the slow cooker on “High”, cleaned up the kitchen, and turned my attention to the dining room. We seldom eat in there, so when I was canning this fall, I just put all the jars of produce on the table and closed the door. I don’t know if you remember or not, but I can several dozen jars of food. I figure if I’m going to take the time to do it, I’d better put up enough that I don’t have to do it as often.

Mr. FixIt found a milk crate for me while I cleared off a couple of shelves in the basement to store the jars of food. The shelves in the hallway off the kitchen are packed, as is the pantry, so these jars needed to go downstairs. I carried nine jars at a time in the milk crate. It would hold twelve, but that was too heavy and awkward to carry down the steps. It took several trips and I was exceedingly careful on the steps. Now the jars are lined up and easy to reach. Mr. FixIt was kind enough to screw a piece of wood across the front of the shelf to make a guard to keep jars from falling off if they’re inadvertently bumped while reaching back. Always thinking ahead.

We got most of the canning gear downstairs, but by then it was time to stop and watch Big in her college swim meet. What a treat that was! I watched her standing on deck, waiting her turn to dive in and I marveled at how much she looked like her mama when she was eighteen. It gives me shivers. Big had a big weekend. She competed Friday night and Saturday, then rushed off to catch the train to the airport. Then she flew home for Thanksgiving weekend.

I told Daughter #1 that I totally understand the excitement she is feeling getting her girl home. I felt it, as did my mom and my grandma. It was difficult for me when she and her husband got married and moved to Long Island for four years. I can’t imagine how hard it had to have been on my mom and Grandma when I moved to England right after finishing x-ray school. We didn’t get to see each other for over a year and it was my first time away from home.

After the meet was over, I finished fixing supper…pork roast with mashed potatoes and gravy and home canned green beans. I finished it off with a pan of homemade biscuits hot from the oven. Mr. FixIt ooooohed and ahhhhhhhed over the meal. I smiled demurely and said, “Aw, shucks…it’s just a little something I whipped up.” You know what they say…the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

I love this time of year. It’s the time when people reach out to each other. It’s been such a difficult few years. I hate seeing what has become of our people. There’s too much discord and disconnection and I fear it could become the “norm”. I vow to do everything in my power to normalize decency and empathy. This is the perfect time to reach out and love on each other…friend and neighbor…kith and kin…stranger and weary sojourner. Let’s ride that wave straight through the holidays and into the New Year and beyond, shall we?

It isn’t “woke”.

It’s being kind. And kindness matters.

“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit; let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.””
1 Peter 3:8-12 ESV

Communication

Mon, 14 Nov 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I’ve been monitoring my social media usage the last few weeks. With the lead up to the election, I found my stress level rising. Add the new roof and trying to get the a-frame camper back from the shop and getting everything buttoned up for winter and my stress alarms were bing-bonging all over the place.

I have to say, during the last couple of elections, I let my better angels take a back seat and opened my mouth in ways and at times I shouldn’t have. It cost me friendships that I held dear and I’m saddened by that. I know it cost me readers and I’m sure glad you stuck it out with me. Going into the midterms, I made a concerted effort to keep away from the third rail and it made my life much easier.

I always told my girls, “You cannot possibly live long enough to make every mistake out there, so try to learn from the mistakes of others.” I’ve been watching a major social media outlet as it crashes and burns. Its CEO has been lashing out and generally making an a$$ of himself and wondering why it’s all falling apart. And, while that’s been happening, I’ve witnessed people saying things that leave me shaking my head and wondering…did they kiss their mama with that mouth?

I’ve been following Susan David, Ph.D. (@SusanDavid_PhD) on Twitter for some time. She wrote the #1 Wall Street Journal Bestseller…Emotional Agility. I have not read the book yet as I still have difficulty concentrating on reading. Dr. David is a Psychologist at Harvard, and a TED Speaker. Her tweets are little mini counseling sessions where she gives you something to ponder.

I was scrolling my Twitter feed yesterday morning when her tweet showed up.

“You may be right…but is your response serving you?”

That one stopped me in my tracks and really made me think. That’s something we can use in just about any scenario. The first thing I thought of when I read that was, “Do I have to correct my husband every single time he makes a mistake?” I don’t…but I feel like I do that way too often. And Dr. David is absolutely correct. I may be right…but does it serve me? And the answer is no.

We’ve all seen the hurt behind the eyes of someone we love when we make a cutting remark out of frustration or anger or exhaustion. I hate that. I want to keep those longing looks I used to get when he thought I walked on water. Ok…we can’t do that either. Real life kicks in at some point and two independent adults living in close quarters are bound to bump heads at one time or another.

I remember when Mr. Virgo was alive. We never had an argument. About anything. At the time, I thought that was marital bliss. Since then I’ve learned, that was anger suppression. We probably should have argued…or at least expressed our displeasure when we felt it. And I don’t think we did that. He passed away before any real damage was done from that suppression so I’ll never know how it would have played out in our relationship. But I have an idea it wouldn’t have gone well.

Mr. FixIt and I have no problem laying things out on the table. We don’t fight, but we have spirited conversations from time to time. We’ve walked away and gone to our corners to cool off then come back together and speak more rationally. This is different than any relationship I’ve ever had and I think it’s because we’re older, more mature, and just too tired to make a big deal of crap that’s not important.

It’s funny the things we thought were such a big deal in our thirties and forties just…aren’t anymore. I wish I would have known this when I was younger. I could have saved myself a lot of angst. I didn’t have a very healthy role model in my parents’ relationship to learn how to BE in one of my own. I, like most people, learned from trial and error. Like Maya Angelou said, “We do what we know and when we know better, we do better.”

At least…that’s the goal.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV

“A Quiet Life”

Sun, 13 Nov 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I haven’t said anything about the recent loss of Leslie Jordan. I was saddened to hear of his passing. I always got a kick out his reparte with Karen on will and Grace, but I kind of felt a little went a long way with him. Then, the pandemic hit and something magical happened. Leslie started posting a couple of times a day to Instagram..sharing his light and love with the home bound.

He was delightful and funny and self deprecating. He was no longer “too much”. He was just…real and raw. His authentic self. I especially loved his Sunday recordings where he would sing old timey Hymns that he remembered from his childhood. When he came out to his mother at the age of twelve, she told him he would be ostracized for that and she couldn’t bear it so she encouraged him to “live a quiet life.” Yeah…THAT didn’t happen!

Leslie touched the hearts of millions and his celebrity soared. He found legitimate appreciation in Nashville and recorded with bonafide mainstream artists and musicians. I just loved him and the world is a little darker without him in it. Here is a link to his interview on CBS This Morning.

We had a lovely day yesterday. One of our granddaughters held a surprise 25th Anniversary Party for her parents…Mr. & Mrs. FixIt Jr. at a local restaurant and we had such a wonderful time. There were fifteen of us and it was a total surprise. They walked in and we yelled Happy Anniversary and they had this puzzled look on their faces like…what are you all doing here? It was wonderful to be able to celebrate with them.

The rain has abated and the cold front pushed in. Our temps dropped ten degrees in ten miles. There was snow to the west-northwest of us and I know it will hit us before we know it. We ended up with close to three inches of rain in two days! I’m not going to do a thing but knit today…promise! Mr. FixIt will be off bowling this evening.

And a new week is set to begin.

“Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.”
Romans 15:7 ESV

Hard Work Never Hurt Anyone

Tue, 08 Nov 2022 02:30:00 -0600

We had all the tools set up and ready for the “crew” when they got here. By “crew” I mean my stepson. After classes were over, his youngest and her boyfriend came out to help. Other than that…it was us. You will be happy to know, we did NOT get up on the roof, nor did we climb the ladder any higher than two rungs to hand something up to them. Mr. FixIt Jr. go almost all the shingles scraped off. Mr. FixIt Sr. and I picked up all those shingles off the tarp and threw them in the back of the truck. We’ll take that load to the dump this morning. The young ones will go with us to help empty the truck.

The underlayment where the two rooflines meet has pretty much rotted away and needs replaced. That’s a job for today.

There are two old cedar trees out front that droop down onto the roof. They are filled with yellow jackets and they have to go. My stepson will bring the big chainsaw out and get those cut down while we’re at the dump. Then we can get back at it. I’m really looking forward to sprucing up the landscaping next spring.

I went to get fried chicken for supper and it was way overcooked so I just bought sandwich fixin’s. We sat out as the sun began to set and it got really chilly…really fast. As soon as the sun drops below the ridge of the far hill, we’re pretty much done. The boys worked for another hour or so. We went around with the long magnet and picked up nails that had dropped on the lawn, then we sent our team home for the night.

I was helping with the shingles yesterday when I noticed the grit from them kept getting in my shoes. I went inside and rummaged around, looking for a pair of sturdy hiking boots. I found an old pair of Salomons that I used to wear cross country skiing. I’ll bet I haven’t put them on for probably ten years. I notice they didn’t feel quite right on my feet. When I stopped for supper, I looked down and realized the sole was coming right off the boot! All the cushy part between the boot and the sole was disintegrating right before of my eyes. I sent an email to the Solomon Boot Company to see if they might resole boots there. I’ll let you know if they do and how much.

Speaking of boots, Pumpkin Kitty was totally enamored with them. She rubbed all over them and when I tried to walk away, she kept running and getting in front of me so she could rub on them some more. Then, when I finally had to get back to work, she ran and flat out attacked them…nearly biting and clawing me in the process. I tell you…I am not fluent in “cat”. I have no idea what her game was.

I was so tired by the end of the day, I couldn’t do much more than crawl into bed. Today’s another day!

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.”
Colossians 3:23-24 ESV

Money Money Money MONEY

Fri, 04 Nov 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Ugh! The thing I hate talking about the most is money. I was never good with money. Well, let me rephrase that. I was never good at SAVING money. I was most excellent at SPENDING it…especially when it wasn’t me that was working my butt off to make it. Hard to admit, but there it is. I used shopping as a self-soothing medication that got way out of hand on numerous occasions. When I think of how much money I’d have now if I hadn’t done that… *sigh*

Water under the bridge, as they say. I used to worry myself to death over money…or the lack thereof. That is before my wonderful finance guru Danielle taught me the concept of stewardship. God graces us with the jobs and the money and the stuff but we have to suit up, show up, and do the work. The better the steward we are, the more trustworthy we become, the more bounty we can be trusted with. Doesn’t mean we’re going to GET that bounty. But it doesn’t mean we aren’t either.

I go long stretches without spending much. Then, there are days like yesterday when it gets spent for me. What is it they say about only counting on two things…death and taxes? Yeah, well…yesterday it was the tax man…actually woman…who absconded with our hard earned dollars. That’s the price you pay for owning stuff.

I never really understood personal property taxes. I mean…we earned the money and paid taxes on it. We spend the money and pay sales taxes on the money we were already taxed on. Then, every year I have to go to the county courthouse and pay personal property taxes on the stuff we already own and have paid taxes on…twice! Ok, I get it…someone has to pay for the roads and maintenance and whatever else we are supporting with those tax dollars. But it chaps my hide anyway.

So, I go in to pay my personal property taxes and they nice lady in the tax office said the last year I had taxes entered in the computer was 2019. Seriously? I could have sworn I paid them but apparently not. See, there’s this thing called a supplement. In July every year, the tax office send out this paper that has your vehicles and/or trailers, campers, boats, etc. listed. It asked you if you currently own them. You send that in and two things happen…your info triggers next year’s supplement and you information is what your personal property taxes will be based on two years from now.

Yeah…clear as mud, right?

I know it’s confusing. It’s taken me years to have any semblance of understanding. When I lived in Colorado, you paid your personal property taxes when you get the tags on your vehicles, campers, trailers, and the like. I don’t know…somehow it felt less painful that way. Here in West Virginia, you go pay your taxes and then you take that receipt with you to the DMV and pay for your registration. I don’t have a good track record for filling out that supplement form so I kinda got dropped off the rolls.

That would seem to be pretty sweet. However, somewhere down the line, you’re going to have to pay the piper and you could end up owing a really hefty tax bill. As it was, I had to fork out over $750 for two years’ worth of personal property taxes plus $51 for the registration fee. THEN, I got to take my truck in to the garage to get the yearly vehicle inspection…$15. Oooof.

There was a huge upside to this little adventure.

I got to meet Dee. She doesn’t usually work in the tax office. She works across the street. But here she was, manning the desk and blessing my day. It wasn’t 5-10 minutes into our interacting that I knew…this was my God appointment for the day. We had a lovely conversation about personal issues we both face. I shared Marshmallow Ranch with her and invited her to come join us in cyberspace for a daily dose of love and light. I feel like I made a new friend. We shared our light and I have a feeling we both felt a lot better afterwards.

When I wrote yesterday about shining our light into the world, it was exactly this I was referring to. The world has a lot of darkness in it right now. But there is also so much light. You and I cam bring so much more. We can shine it into every dark corner…every nook and cranny…up high and down low. Eventually, the vibrations of our very existence will be enough to change the world….for good.

I mean FOR good…for GOOD!

I had a spring in my step the rest of the day. I didn’t even get a chance to sit down in the DMV…they took me that fast. There wasn’t a wait at the garage. I was in and out of there in fifteen minutes. I came home and fixed a lovely supper of Chicken Alfredo which we thoroughly enjoyed. We nibbled on those peanut butter cookies for dessert. The high was 76° yesterday and sunny. It was a picture perfect day to be a good steward and take care of business.

And share a little light.

“for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.”
Ephesians 5:8-10 ESV

The Age of Aquarius

Wed, 02 Nov 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I was just a little too young to be a hippy, although I do have some personal friends who actually went to Woodstock. But…they’re a year or two older than me. Besides, Mom barely let me cross Grand Central Avenue till I was seventeen, so there’s that. I was a pretend hippy. I wore the bell bottoms and the long hair, but I had to tape up the hem of my skirt or get grounded. No minis for me!

It’s probably a good thing I couldn’t be a real hippy because my addictive personality would have had me changing my name to Moon Flower and living in a commune with Wolf and Jasmine and Starlight. I became obsessed with Mother Earth News Magazine and the dream of owning a farm and living in West Virginia. And…in my real life, I lived the role of doctor’s wife and cheerleader mom.

Oh, I’m not saying it wasn’t good. There was so much of it that was truly awesome. But not all of it was truly genuine. I never really fit in as the doctor’s wife and I was only a barely passable cheerleader mom. I did whatever I could do to avoid the knocking at my heart’s door…that patient tap-tap-tapping of the Holy Spirit trying to get my attention. I was busy organizing the Jewish festivities in my little community. I was reading self help books by the wheelbarrow full. And I got heavily into New Age stuff.

I went to pow-wows. I visited shamans. I had my cards and numbers and palms read. I collected crystals and recharged them by the light of the moon. I smudged my house regularly by burning white sage and incense and myrrh. I was spiritually lost. I drank too much. I was depressed. At one point I was close to anorexia…I weighed 118 pounds and took nine aerobics classes a week plus mountain biking, skiing, and trail running.

I ran in every direction except towards Jesus.

Because…He scared me.

I thought if I loved Jesus, I couldn’t be Jewish and if I couldn’t be Jewish, Hubby #2 would leave me. I’ll never know if he would have, because things fell apart long before I found Jesus. When I finally did…my life was turned around and I was made new and now look where I am! Life takes some of the strangest turns and we don’t have a clue what God is doing with it. It’s hard to understand something so grand and glorious and totally beyond understanding.

I decided to buy a Powerball ticket yesterday. I don’t normally gamble. Mostly because of that addictive personality I was telling you about. But…my gosh, the prize is up to $1.2 BILLION…with a B! Oh, the good we could do for people with that money! I stopped at the 7Eleven on my way home. As I was walking in, I looked down and something caught my eye.

It was a crystal! A clear, perfectly formed quartz crystal.

I laughed.

The old me would have said it was a sign! That it was placed in my path by my spirit guide to tell me something. Instead, here’s what I heard in my heart.

“Go ahead. Buy the ticket. Who knows? Stranger things have happened. But this is just a pretty rock. It doesn’t have any magical powers other than to remind you just how incredibly far you have come on this amazing journey. I made this rock…and I made you and I gave you this one precious life. And you are…my beloved!”

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.”
1 John 4:1 ESV

Not What I Wanted to Wake Up To

Sat, 22 Oct 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I’ve been practicing the military method of falling asleep. And…so far, so good! I’ve been falling asleep quickly, and staying asleep all night and it’s been amazing. Yeah, ok…it’s been less than a week, but I have hope. I’ve never been a great sleeper. I have had trouble turning my brain off at night. This sleep technique that the Army teaches their recruits claims to bring the Sand Man in less that two minutes and I’m just going to believe that and run with it!

I woke up yesterday morning…the sun was up, Mr. FixIt was softly snoring beside me, and I felt wonderful! I reached for my phone and found a series of puzzling messages on my Lock Screen. They were from the fraud prevention at my bank. It seems someone in Australia tried to put a $1200+ charge through…under five different names. Thank GOD there are these fraud protections in place now!

A couple of months ago, I purchased a vintage apple peeler off the internet. There were a couple of red flags, but I REALLY wanted that particular peeler. So I hit “valid” when they asked if it was actually me behind the card. Then, I waited. And waited. And waited some more. I kept going back to the website where I purchased the peeler and it said “In process.” The little red flags were turning into big red banners in my brain and I called my bank.

My only option was to freeze my debit card permanently and have the bank issue me another one. Or, give it a little more time since it was coming from out of the country. (Yes…that was the red flag I chose to ignore because…I REALLY wanted that peeler!) We decided to give it a little more time, but when it came down to the cutoff for a fraud claim, I told the bank to file it. I still didn’t elect to get a new card. ALL my bills are handled electronically…by that card. What a pain in the rear. The bank said they would clamp down the security on my card an alert me at the first questionable transaction.

And, that they did. At 4:00 yesterday morning. I hate to have to go through this mess, but honestly…as often as I use that card on the internet, I’m shocked it hasn’t happened more often. I love my bank in Colorado. They’ve been my “hometown bank” since 1986 and I kept my accounts with them even after moving to West Virginia. They always help me out and alert me to any kind of problem. And, my debit card has a painting on it by my friend Mary Noone who passed away recently. That card makes me smile every time I see it.

We are binge watching Grace and Frankie and even though there’s quite a bit of irreverent material in it, we really get a kick out of it. Especially since the main actors are “seventy-somethings” and are so relatable. Robert had a heart attack. Sol has retired and become an activist. Grace had a knee replacement and Frankie had a TIA. They are vibrant and yet they struggle with their memory, their physical limitations, and navigating the specter of aging in place vs. a “retirement community”.

Mr. FixIt and I face some of the same things with our health and memory and the house becoming a lot more work as we age. We hate it and we fight it and we figure it all out together. For now, that’s fine. But there will come a time…down the road…hopefully, WAY down the road. How did we get to be seventy? We don’t FEEL seventy…and we certainly don’t ACT seventy. We’re brave and profess age as “just a number”.

I’m going to have to reach back to a few years ago when I wrote a lot about “positive aging”. More movement. Improved diet. Better sleep hygiene. Mental stimulus. Time to get back to basics and stay healthy as long as we can.

“no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed, and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their vindication from me, declares the Lord.””
Isaiah 54:17 ESV

It’s Your Story

Fri, 21 Oct 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Everyone has a story. If you can still your ego and actively listen, you hear the most amazing stories. Funny stories…scary stories…tragic stories. Stories with a moral. Stories with a lesson. Stories with a purpose. Our stories are how we integrate with the world. They track our mission in this life and help us relate to others. Stories are sensory word bombs we drop on the souls of others.

“Maybe stories are just data with a soul.”
— Brené Brown

I come from a long line of oral historians. That’s common in Appalachia. In times past, our ancestors were often illiterate and even if they weren’t, writing supplies were dear and there may not have been funds available to keep them at hand. My mother spent the last decade of her life writing down the stories and information handed down from as far back as anyone could remember.

So these long, rambling stories I share here were born of that tradition. I always loved to write and tell stories. I wasn’t always encouraged by those I deemed important in my life. I didn’t really apply myself in school. I nearly flunked Senior English which would have kept me from graduating with my class. My interest in writing waxed and waned until Mr. Virgo died. Then I hit that with a vengeance.

Just when I think maybe I’ve written all I was meant to write, along comes someone who makes a heartfelt comment that makes me cry. Then I know…that’s God’s way of telling me to keep going, keep talking, keep writing and sharing and loving on people. Because we ALL need this. This world can be a dark and scary place, but there are so many bright and shiny spots in it if we just keep looking…keep trying…keep moving forward.

There was a long and dark space in my life when I was lost. So many things were going wrong and I had no idea how to change it and make it better. It was one of those things that I just had to ride out and pray for the best outcome. During those years, my stories were as dark as my spirit and no one wanted to listen to them. That’s because I was heavily invested in dragging yesterday’s crap behind me like a big ol’ hefty bag of trash.

I’m telling you…after a while, yesterday gets pretty darned heavy. Maybe it was getting “to a certain age” that changed me. Maybe it was losing Mr. Virgo so unexpectedly. Maybe it was just flat out exhaustion, I don’t know. What I do know is, I finally laid that junk down and kept moving on down the road. And the further I went, the less weight I felt in my chest. Oh, I forget from time to time and attempt to pick it up again, but yesterday is heavy, y’all.

Just put it down.

“With many such parables he spoke the word to them, as they were able to hear it. He did not speak to them without a parable, but privately to his own disciples he explained everything.”
Mark 4:33-34 ESV

Rough Nights and Great Days

Wed, 19 Oct 2022 01:30:00 -0600

The first few years of my grief journey were filled with really rough nights and marginal days. There were nights I held the side of the mattress and willed myself to make it to morning with my sanity held somewhere near intact. It was so incredibly difficult, but then morning would come and the anxiety and fear would fade into the background a bit…only to return with a vengeance at sundown.

With time…and hard work…the really hard nights became bad nights and the days became better. The really hard nights faded eventually and I only had a bad night on occasion. Monday was one of those nights. The day had been stressful then just before bed, I found out someone I love dearly was unwell. And I ate too late. Bad combo and I just didn’t feel well.

I woke up yesterday with a massive headache and a stuffy head and I was afraid I’d picked up “a bug”, but…with a little movement and a little caffeine, I shoved the icky aside and moved on with my day. Mr. FixIt and I went out to the farm to make sure the heat was turned on and the pump was working. Last year the pump froze and it was an absolute mess to fix. We wanted to preempt that scenario by wrapping the pump and tank in heat tape to keep it from freezing.

I lit the little gas stove in the bathroom to keep the pipes from freezing in there. And the furnace was already on so the house was perfectly warm. I turned off the dehumidifiers for the season, swept the floors, checked the mail, and we’re all good. I’ll get out there for a little R&R one of these days.

We got home in late afternoon. The sun sets earlier and earlier now. And it’s pretty darned chilly. I decided to open a jar of the vegetable beef soup I canned this year. I purposefully canned it rather bland so I could season it to my liking when I heat it up. I added a variety of seasonings, including just a dash of smoked chipotle pepper for a little zing. Oh, my gosh! It was SO good served with garlic Texas toast!

We have an errand in town today and I am certainly hoping it won’t turn into an all day ordeal. We may get our Covid booster while we’re at it.

We’re a good team.

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works,”
Hebrews 10:24 ESV

What a Gorgeous Day

Tue, 27 Sep 2022 01:30:00 -0600

The light was fading by the time we got home.

I love to drive…especially on a day when the sky is blue with big white, puffy clouds. The temps were cool, there was a breeze, and the trees were beginning to put on their royal robes to show off. We went to the dealership to pick up the Big Birdhouse, but there was something else on it that needed fixing so it’ll be a little while longer.

As we sat in a parking lot, eating our late-lunch-early-supper, a gentleman pulled up in the tractor part of a tractor trailer to get something to eat. When he came out, he came right over to us and started up a conversation. Leon is from Dallas, a part-time 50 year old single truck driver and father who found Jesus after an unfortunate night in Beverly Hills three years ago. He drives a gorgeous red truck that he’s “married to”. He wants to find love so he doesn’t grow old alone. I told him I’d pray for him and I’d have my friends in my prayer circle pray for him, too. He thought that was amazing. He was friendly as all get out.

I love when God sends people across your path…your “assignments” for the day. People to talk to, pray for, lift up, and love on. Leon was a beefy man with a ready smile. His glasses perched on his forehead, his eyes twinkled with delight as we chatted. It occurred to me, I didn’t really notice that he was black at first. I know that seems hard to believe, but all I saw was this amazing smile. That’s when I realized…I wasn’t looking at his physical being. I was seeing the LIGHT he carries inside and it warmed my spirit that God showed me that aspect of Leon first and foremost. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all could just see the LIGHT in each other???

When Leon went on his way, Mr. FixIt and I looked through the reservation app on my phone and chose our next camping adventure which begins tomorrow. We’ve stayed at this campground before but not since 2019. There’s deep woods all around, and the further we get into late September, early October the more the colors are going to change! My all time favorite time to camp!

Today is mowing day at the farm then a phone conference with my brother’s care team in Colorado. And repacking the camper. Then we’ll be off on another adventure in the morning!

“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.””
John 8:12 ESV

Looking Back Can Be a Good Thing

Mon, 26 Sep 2022 01:30:00 -0600

To the right, through the trees, you see an appartment building with balconies. On the top floor, to the right of the balcony, is the window of the livingroom in our flat.

Have you seen that meme… “Don’t look back. You aren’t going in that direction.”? I have. And there’s a lot of truth in that. If we live in the past or hold grievances from long ago, that hasn’t healed anything that’s already happened. That day is gone. It can’t hurt you anymore. But the memories…ahhhh, that’s where we can get caught up in a lot of self-defeating angst.

On the top floor, the balcony closest to the camera was ours…just off the livingroom.

I read something about forgiveness the other day that really spoke to my heart.

The front walkway.

“Forgiveness is not a matter of exonerating people who have hurt you. They may not deserve exoneration. Forgiveness means cleansing your soul of the bitterness of ‘what might have been,’ ‘what should have been,’ and ‘what didn’t have to happen.’ Someone has defined forgiveness as ‘giving up all hope of having had a better past.’ What’s past is past and there is little to be gained by dwelling on it. There are perhaps no sadder people than the men and women who have a grievance against the world because of something that happened years ago and have let that memory sour their view of life ever since.”
Rabbi Harold S Kushner

There used to be clotheslines right about where the photographer would have been standing. I hung diapers there to dry as best they could between the frequent English rains. I ended up buying a drying rack and aired them out between the balcony and the livingroom.

I received some photos the other day that took me WAY back. Back to my first marriage. Back to living in England…a young bride, so far from home for the very first time. It’s where my first child was born. England was a wonderful life experience for me and I still have dreams of it from time to time. As every rose has thorns, that marriage had some prickly ones that were hard to go through and it didn’t last very long.

The narrow walkway from the parking lot to the front doors.

I’ve worked diligently through the years on forgiveness. Forgiving others. Forgiving myself. Forgiveness seldom takes on the first try…or even the tenth. But practice brings improvement and eventually I found peace with the hard knocks of life. Each experience contributed to who I am and where I am today. Without the experiences, I likely wouldn’t be writing to you today. So, I’ll live with that.

Driving on the wrong side of the road, sitting on the wrong side of the car, shifting with your left hand, navigating round abouts and zebras (crosswalks) and minding the cyclists and horses…land sakes, it was a challenge when I was young. I can’t imagine doing it now.

In the meantime, let me share these photos. Forgiveness has made these memories warm and sweet. I do hope that one day I can return here to visit and maybe take my daughter to see where she was born. For now, I look and remember simpler times. Times when I thought I knew it all, yet had no idea how much I didn’t know. The world was still rosy and fresh and new. Thank God, I’ve found those glasses again and can see it much the same way. As I wrote this, I heard a large jetliner overhead and checked on FlightAware only to find it was a flight headed to London! Lucky travelers!

I’ve no idea if this was the actual chip shop we frequented, but I have fond memories of paper cones made from newsprint, filled with golden, crispy, greasy fish and chips doused in malt vinegar and salt. Oh, yummmmm!

When we think differently, the world looks different.

“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.””
Mark 11:25 ESV

Getting Organized

Mon, 19 Sep 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I love the cheerful prints from Ree Drummond’s Prairie Woman collection. I tried to find her melamine plates that I love and they only had one at our Walmart. Maybe I’ll have better luck online. I did find the sheets and pillowcases, though!

Imagine a hotel room that’s less than 150 square feet. You don’t really have a closet…but there’s space under the bed and under the benches in the dinette. There are several small cabinets and cubbyholes where you can stash things. But you have to be smart and plan things out down to the last square inch. Now…put a couple of wheels on it, add hot and cold running water with a shower and toilet and the three water tanks that are required for proper use…hook it to your bumper…and you can go just about anywhere with everything you need.

A closeup of the quilt I made…finally being put to use!

I went shopped yesterday afternoon. I took my measurements with me and carefully looked around till I found exactly what I wanted for storage. I found some clear Rubbermaid containers with air tight seals. The two large ones hold utensils and lighters and spices. The two medium ones hold silverware and hot cocoa packets. The two small ones hold sweetener and tea bags. There are four cloth baskets…two for each of us. One holds shoes. The other holds clothes. We each have a plastic bin the size of a shoe box with clips on each end that hold the lid tight. That’s for medication and toiletries.

The salt & papper shakers that started the ball rolling on the decor for the new camper.

The cabinet to the right of the microwave holds food items: chips, cookies, extra bottles of water. The cabinet under the sink has a trash can, aluminum foil, trash bags, dish soap, paper towels, the packet of manuals that go with the camper, and a cab fresh that absorbs moisture. The storage under the benches is quite roomy. One side holds extra blankets and the pots and pans. The other side has a slow cooker, and electric skillet, Mr. FixIt’s DVD player, and a battery powered lantern.

I bought this darling tablecloth at Happy Jim’s Trading Post for $5!

There is a small closet on my side of the bed for my lap desk, iPad, and a couple of soft fleecy blankets that I like to sleep with. We each have a plug-in surge protected device that acts like a power strip but without the cord. It has two USB charging ports on it as well. There is a long cabinet above the bed that will hold the cloth baskets and a couple of sweatshirts.

We have a wonderful, fat toad that hangs out around our door waiting for an errant moth!

I bought a pot roast and will put it in the crock pot tomorrow and that will give us several meals. We’ll roast hotdogs for lunch and have bacon and eggs for breakfasts. We’ll sit by the river. I’ll knit. Mr. FixIt will throw in a line and maybe catch a little something. We won’t eat anything out of the Ohio River, but it’s still fun to go fishing.

Who’s up for a little adventure! Let’s go!!!

“For the word of God will never fail.””
Luke 1:37 NLT

Honey…I’m Home! Now, Let’s Go Camping!!!

Tue, 13 Sep 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Did you miss me??? I could hardly wait to get home yesterday! I always say “I need a break!” Then, when I get one, I miss my sweetheart like crazy. I did enjoy myself. I met up at an AirB&B with a couple of old friends from way back. We talked and laughed and ate great food and worked on our projects. I’m knitting a turtleneck sweater and made great progress on it.

I got home around noon and quickly threw the papers together that I needed to take to the Credit Union. Once we finished there, we took the check over to our new friend and picked up the new camper. Ohhhhhhh, I cannot tell you how incredibly happy I am to have the “perfect” camper! I made Mr. FixIt laugh when I said, “This is the last one…promise!!!”

She’s kind of a cross between Little TOW-Wanda and the Raffle Camper (the rPod 196) that I got to pull around in October 2019. She has a walk around queen sized bed. She has a slide out with a dinette in it. She’s got a cute little kitchen with a 2-burner stove and sink, a fridge, and a microwave. She’s got plenty of counter space. Not a lot of cabinet space, but there’s a ton of storage under the bed and under the bench seats of the dinette. The best thing of all? She has a bathroom…with a sink…and, a little TUB and shower!

Mama’s a REALLY happy camper now!

The a-frame is darling…really it is. And, if I was younger, I’d stick with it. The smaller a-frame was actually easier to get the top up and down. And I really LOVED the big windows and tons of light. But what really sealed the deal for me was twofold…a bathroom, and just being able to climb in and take a nap when I’m tired of driving. It’s the right size, only a year old, been camped in three times, and has everything we want. Win, win, win!

I “camped” in the field last night, and today we are heading to a nearby State Park to camp for two nights. We’ll put her through her paces.

Now…to come up with a name for her. Because…she HAS to have a name, right?! I think I’ll have to camp with her a little bit to see what fits. Stay tuned for lots of fun!!!

“Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.”
Proverbs 15:22 NLT

Working Without a Schedule

Wed, 07 Sep 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Green Chili. Forgive the mess in my kitchen. Things get out of hand quickly when I can.

I rarely work with an itinerary. I usually have a vague idea of what I’d like to accomplish the following day, but I’m always really flexible in case something comes up that needs my attention more than what I intended. That’s what happened yesterday.

I got up early and finished piecing the last row of blocks, then I laid them all out on the floor and played mix and match till I got the look I was going for. I noticed a couple of the blocs are much smaller than the others and I could have sewn the seamed a little wider than a quarter inch. I’ll have to give them a closer look and either rip them apart and resew them, or start from scratch. It’s a good thing I have extra ten inch squares to work with.

By the time I got them all arranged, it was 2:00 and I had other things that needed doing. I wanted to can the green chili that I made on Sunday so it will last on the shelf all winter. I had a lot of the pork roast left over so I put another slow cooker full of green chili on to simmer while I loaded up the canner with what was already made. As soon as that canner was running, I started on the pinto beans I bought a couple of weeks ago.

I’ve been watching canning videos and there are women who can their dry beans so they’re ready at a moment’s notice for a winter meal. I made up twenty pints of beans and put them in my big canner. As I’m writing this, I’m sitting at the bar in the kitchen, babysitting the canner to make sure it gets to the proper pressure and stays there for a full seventy-five minutes. Before long, I will fill another canner with the second batch of green chili. I may be at this for a while.

I chatted with Daughter #2 and her wife yesterday morning while I was sitting at the sewing machine. She is a tattoo aficionado. When she saw my face, she was alarmed. “Mama! What’s going on with your face?!” I explained I was doing what she asked me to do…treat the dangerous skin cells. I also told her it felt like battery acid on my face. She suggested I put Aquaphor ointment on the inflamed skin to soothe it. I put some on and it felt better almost immediately. I will never go outdoors again without slathering on sunscreen.

I recently received a jury summons but the trial is scheduled for Monday. I already had something planned and paid for so I asked if I could be excused. I hadn’t heard back so I called yesterday. Turns out, I have been excused so one less thing on my plate. I have been summoned for jury duty many times over the years. A few times I actually went in and either was dismissed after questioning, or a last minute plea deal was accepted. I’ve served on a jury once. I believe in fulfilling my civic duties. But I’ve never been called since Mr. Virgo died. I don’t know how I would do with medical subjects or graphic photos. My PTSD kicks in just thinking of serving. I mean, I will if I have to. In our county, we can request to be excused for any jury duty once we hit seventy years of age. My memory isn’t what it used to be, and I have trouble hearing and following along sometimes. I certainly would hate to affect a trial negatively because of that. I have nine more months before my next birthday. We’ll see what happens.

I’m not sure I’m going to push myself to get this quilt top finished this week. I want to be sure I do my best work and rushing won’t achieve the results I am looking for. This is a relatively new behavior for me. There was a time when I would push my way through something till I’m pulling my hair out. I don’t want to do that anymore. If I don’t enjoy an activity, I’m not interested. I think I’ll set it aside and pick it up next week. In the meantime, we’re chasing down an electrical problem in Louisa the Lincoln, the lawn at the farm needs mowing again, and the pump needs to be primed. Perhaps today will be the day for these chores.

““Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?”
Matthew 6:25 ESV

I’m Not Your Typical Girly Girl

Thu, 04 Aug 2022 01:30:00 -0600

When I went to school, we took an aptitude test that would give some idea what career path you might enjoy. While many of my friends were getting results like doctor, nurse, lawyer, and teacher…I came out as a mechanic. I was mortified but later in life learned that interest would serve me well as an adult. I studied to be a Radiologic Technologist…a career that is quite mechanical based. Drawing blood, visualizing internal structures, reading x-rays all require special thinking…something I excel at. When it came to doing things around the house and building things, I was aces. I can tear things apart and put them back together. Even the simple tasks of putting up a tent or towing a trailer involve a great deal of mechanical skills. And besides…they’re fun!

When I was canning the half-runner beans last week, I had two canners going on the stove top. The two larger burners are on the right front and the left rear. My smaller canner was on the left and it was pushed back against the control panel on the back of the stove. I remember smelling a very slight odor that reminded me of melting plastic, but it was fleeting. I had some plastic containers a little to close to the stove so I assumed that was where the smell was coming from.

When I was cleaning up everything the next day and wiped down the stove, I noticed I had actually melted the left side of the control panel. The buttons would not work on that side. So, Mr. FixIt showed me what pieces to order to fix it. They arrived on Tuesday, so yesterday morning after breakfast, I unplugged the stove and pulled it away from the wall far enough to get back behind it to work.

I had no idea how to change this piece, other than a general understanding of “plug and play” electronics. I found the right tool to take the cover off the back of the stove. I carefully observed the panel and how it was connected to the power. There were four screws holding it in place. Philip’s head. I got the right screwdriver and removed the panel being very careful to place the screws in a small bowl for later. I unplugged the power connection on the panel and removed the four screws. The whole panel easily slid out from the opening and I set it aside.

Using a damp cloth with some grease cutting detergent, I wiped down the area and placed the new unit in the opening. I reinserted the four mounting screws and plugged in the panel. At this point, I plugged in the stove to test the control panel and it worked perfectly! I screwed the back cover in place, cleaned up all the drips and grease from the sides of the stove and the cabinet wall. Then carefully slid the stove back in place.

Voila…done!

The next chore was replacing the cover on the secondary filter assembly on the pool pump. Mr. FixIt bought a new one and we soon figured out this was a two person job. One of us had to plug a drain hole while the other removed the old like and replaced it with the new one. Try as I might, I could NOT get that lid to seat right. So, we switched places and Mr. FixIt gave it a shot. He was sure it was the right piece, but this pump is a different brand and the size was off by the slightest of margins. We ended up putting the old lid back on and now we’ll have to take the new lid back and exchange it.

As I was straightening the living room and moving some things out of the way for the carpet dude who is returning today, I noticed places where the termites have made small holes in the wall. I wasn’t around when Mr. FixIt discussed the treatment plan, and I like to have a thorough understanding of what is going on and what to expect. I’ll have to call the termite dude today and quiz him. It may be perfectly normal to get migrating termites after a treatment…I don’t know. But I’ll find out…if for no other reason than curiosity.

I have always had to assume a good deal of the responsibility for repairs at the house. Hubby #2 was a doctor and was gone a lot. Mr. Virgo was NOT mechanically adept in the slightest and I did the repair things that I could to save money. Then, when I became a widow, there WASN’T anyone but me to do stuff. Thank God for YouTube videos and how-to books. Mr. FixIt is often stunned that I not only CAN do these kinds of things, but that I WANT to and genuinely LIKE to do them. I think he kinda beams when I can figure something out. And when I am finished with a job, he invariably says, “Great job, baby!”

That’s when I kinda beam right back!

“Do all things without grumbling or disputing,”
Philippians 2:14 ESV

In the Middle of a Mess I Find Gratitude

Tue, 02 Aug 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Sometimes things have to get torn completely apart before they can get fixed and made whole. I’ve learned this lesson over and over and over since Mr. Virgo died. Those lessons, while hard earned, have served me well in a plethora of circumstances since. I know it’s not a big deal. I know beyond all else that this is a first world problem. Trust me…I am grateful for every single thing in my life. That being said…things are going to be in a real mess around here for the next few days.

Remember a few weeks ago when I showed you the weird mud tube that was growing up out of our new carpet in the family room? It turned out to be a termite tube. The family room used to be a garage and the floor underneath the carpet is cement. It turns out, there is a small crack in that floor and it allowed termites to tunnel in. We can’t have that! The termite guy came out that very afternoon. (I have the district team leader on speed dial since the great Flea Fiasco of 2016 out at the farm!) He scheduled someone to come out tomorrow, August 2nd and said we would need to have the carpet lifted so they can drill down into the cement to treat these nasty buggers where they live.

We scheduled the carpet dude to come out yesterday. That meant we had to move all the furniture from that end of the room so they could peel the rug back. I took a nap when we got home from Columbus on Sunday, so…I was still awake at 6:00 yesterday morning. I just got up and moved what furniture I could manage alone and left the rest for Mr. FixIt and the carpet dude. Unfortunately, the carpet padding is glued down and they can’t lift that, so hopefully they can accomplish what they need to do without tearing everything out. If that happens, we have to remove the entire carpet and install a new pad. Ugh!

Once the house is treated, the carpet dudes will return on Thursday to put everything back down. In the meantime….the entire room is an exercise in chaos. I’m not a neat freak by any stretch of the imagination. But this is a little….no, a LOT over the top. But, it’s small potatoes. You know why? Because even as we speak, there are families down in Kentucky who have suffered devastating floods and they would be thrilled to have a house that was still on its foundation. There are families in California who are running for their lives from devastating wildfires. And don’t even get me started on Ukraine.

No, this is an inconvenience. A hangnail on the thumb of life. I will not complain about any of this mundane stuff. I mean, really…it’s not like I have anything else to do to keep me occupied. I still can’t mow. We’ve had monsoon rains for a good portion of the last two weeks. I think tomorrow is shaping up to be the most promising day to get out on the tractor, but we’ll see.

Mr. FixIt had to run to town yesterday and I stayed home to work on this hat I’m knitting for Christmas. I got Bear’s extras packed up that didn’t fit in the suitcase so I can get them shipped off to Colorado. I cleaned the kitchen. And that was the extent of my accomplishments for the day.

“give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”
1 Thessalonians 5:18 ESV

Bring More Joy

Mon, 01 Aug 2022 01:30:00 -0600

We stayed in a hotel in Columbus Saturday night after getting Bear on the plane. I stayed at the gate till I was sure the flight was in the air, then we drove to a local hotel. It was near sunset by the time we were done at the airport and I didn’t want to drive all the way home in the dark. Those corn fields in Ohio are just brimming with deer who think nothing of darting out into traffic. So, we felt it was safer to just stay up there.

We ordered dinner to go and picked it up on the way to the hotel. We were both so tired, the lights were off at 10:30 and snoring soon followed. Unfortunately, neither of us slept well. The room was stuffy, it was noisy, and…well, it wasn’t our bed. Yes, we are “I-sleep-better-in-my-own-bed” years old. What can I say? It happens to the best of us.

We didn’t get up till 9:00 yesterday morning and my sweetie went down to the lobby to bring me a surprisingly good cup of coffee and a granola bar…their answer to a “Grab and Go” breakfast. Disappointing. We didn’t go to Easton Mall. We really don’t need anything and certainly don’t need anything that pricey. I mean…when the mall has a Jaguar dealership in front of it, you know you’re in the wrong place for a “deal”.

We decided to head on home. It was raining, so we knew we weren’t going to get to mow when we got there. By the time we got to Nelsonville, we were really hungry. We still don’t eat indoors. We went through the drive-thru at McD’s and they didn’t serve all day breakfast sandwiches so we moved on. I remembered that Sonic has all day breakfast items and there happened to be a restaurant just down the road.

We ordered our food and when the young man came out to deliver it, we were so taken by his genuine joie de vivre. He was conversational, interested in where we were from and what brought us to his neck of the woods. He came out two or three times to see if we needed anything else. As we were preparing to leave, I said “Jonathan…what is your position at this store?” He said, “I’m just a regular crew member, ma’am.” “Well,” I said. “I just gave you an outstanding review on the website for this Sonic. You made our little fast food meal a true delight. Thank you!”

Jonathan beamed.

It doesn’t take much to make people happy. It isn’t difficult to make the world a better place. It doesn’t take fame or fortune to lift people up and let them know they are appreciated…even if they are doing nothing but bringing you your breakfast with joy in their hearts.

Be good to people…even if they aren’t good to you. ESPECIALLY if they aren’t good to you.

Make your side of the street shine, then go across it to help your neighbor.

It’ll make both of you better people.

I am SO ready for more kindness in this world!

Let’s do this!!!

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,”
Colossians 3:12 ESV

Centering with Mindfulness

Tue, 12 Jul 2022 01:30:00 -0600

All done except for the plackets, buttons and buttonholes, and weaving the ends!

When I’m riding the tractor, my mind wanders from topic to topic. I try to be mindful and present and actually…you know…mow. With all the feelings and smells and sounds and techniques that come with that. Sometime’s I’m successful at that. Other times…not so much. Yesterday was one of those days. I did manage to keep in the moment when I was mowing the little tiny rises along the road and out by the circular drive because the grass was still a little damp and the tires on this tractor can get a little slippery. But as soon as I had that done, I was off somewhere else.

You and I have talked a lot here about anxiety and depression and grief and PTSD. I’ve been doing a lot better with those since I had the second parathyroid surgery and my calcium has come back down into the normal range. I’ve used so many things over my lifetime to try to calm my poor brain…lots of prayer, therapy, medication, EMDR, meditation, exercise, diet, better sleep hygiene. Overall, it’s much better. But, from time to time, it still rears its ugly head and it is so disheartening. I know it’s not something I’m liable to be rid of completely, but I am always looking for something that will help.

Because of the nature of my writing, anytime I use a hashtag on my blog on Facebook, I start seeing sponsored ads for things. Usually I just scroll by and pay them no mind. But, yesterday’s gave me pause and I paid attention. My particular flavor of anxiety is usually anticipatory…usually surrounding an event that’s coming up and my mind takes me in every possible direction trying to plan it all out so I am not surprised by anything. I hop from one unlikely scenario to another till my palms are sweaty and my neck is tight. My tummy gets tied up in knots and my breathing picks up. It’s crazy…absolutely crazy.

The human mind is an amazing computer that prepares us for anything. The second you feel threatened, it sends out a great big dose of cortisol and adrenalin to get you ready to either stay and fight or run away as fast as your little legs can carry you. But here’s something I didn’t know…and I learned it yesterday. When we have that particular variety of anxiety, we have trained out brains to be on guard at all times…to scout out danger and let the brain and body know right away…whether there is something actually happening in real time or if it’s just something you thought up in your little monkey brain. It sucks.

But, here’s the good news. Just like you trained your brain to look for danger, you can also train it to look for the light and the good stuff. What a concept! This new app…Mood Mint…gives you little two minute exercises. It shows you four pictures and you look for and choose the happy picture…the good-for-you picture. Like three of the faces may be grumpy or judgy and the fourth is a person smiling. Or maybe it’s faces and fatty foods or exercising. Good for you things. The goal is to select as many of the happy images as you can in a certain about of time. Then it gives you a point to ponder some mental health tip and you’re reading it while you are priming your brain to “happy”. Then you go back to more photo choices. The next thing is word search puzzle with four absolutely positive words to think about as you repeat it in your head because you’re actively searching for it. Once you solve that puzzle, if there is still time, you get more photos to choose from. The last thing is a guided inhale and exhale. The whole thing is fast and easy and they suggest you do at least ten minutes of these every day. Ostensibly, in a couple of weeks, you have retrained your brain to stop looking for threats everywhere you go.

I used the app three times yesterday. And I have to tell you, I don’t know if it was the power of suggestion or placebo effect, but I did feel less anxious. We are leaving for a road trip to pick up Little this week and, while I absolutely adore that child, I worry about all the what-ifs that could happen on my watch. Sorry…it’s just how my brain is wired. And it takes a crap-ton of the delicious anticipation and fun out of it for me when I’m fighting to ward off anxiety. The app cost a couple of bucks, and I’m hoping it might be a good tool to have in my mental health tool box.

I have to add in here…God uses the bad things that happen to us and turns them around for our good and for His glory. Heaven knows the last couple of years have been really difficult with the pandemic and all the upheaval in the world. One of the only good things I’ve seen that has come out of that is an embrace of mental health issues. We are having the conversations we should have been having for decades. I see evidence of people perhaps being less ostracized for their mental health struggles because, let’s face it…it’s a lot more mainstream now.

Change can be hard to come by…but it can be really good for us all. Let’s keep our minds open for changes. We cannot all have everything we want…but we can meet in the middle and that’s worth working for.

“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

The Calm After the Storm

Thu, 07 Jul 2022 01:30:00 -0600

We had appointments with the eye doctor yesterday. Time for new glasses, I’m afraid. For years, I only bought my eyeglasses through the optometric clinic. Sometimes I had really great insurance that provided a new pair every year. Other times I had none and paid out of pocket whether I could really afford it or not. We didn’t have much of a choice of buying options. Now we live on a fixed income with Medicare and Social Security. We’re back to being careful with our money. As they say…watch your pennies and your dollars will watch themselves.

Mr. FixIt is the one who turned me on to buying my glasses online. He had used Zenni for a few years so I gave it at try the last time I needed a new pair. While they weren’t the greatest quality…certainly not what I had become accustomed to…they were perfectly adequate. The prescription came back accurate and they were delivered in a couple of weeks. And, I was able to buy a pair of glasses and a pair of sunglasses for less than one pair would have cost had I gone my more traditional route.

The key to getting glasses online is to tell the optometric office when you check out that you would like to have a copy of your prescription along with your Pupil Distance measurement. They won’t like this, of course. They are banking on you spending a delightful hour or two trying on frames and fawning over your choices then dropping some serious coin in their store. I head them off at the pass by looking them directly in the eye, smile and say, “I’m retired and live on a fixed income. I buy my glasses online, so I will need a copy of my prescription, please.” I’ve never had any trouble save for a slight shift in demeanor which doesn’t bother me a whip. Mr. FixIt ordered his new glasses and sunglasses last night and they totaled under $200. I’ll fiddle around with mine later today.

I received a gift from a friend yesterday. Kindness doesn’t grow on trees. Kindness is a choice. And it is one that far too many people have forgotten to make anymore. It doesn’t take much to be kind. My friend lives in a teeny, tiny magical cottage and she is forever having to curate what she can keep and what she can send on its way to bring joy to another person. She didn’t go out and buy these treasures for me new. She poured her love into them for a while, then she sent them on to me. She does this for people all the time.

I’m going to start doing this. This isn’t “re-gifting.” This is spreading love with tangible items that were carefully selected for a specific person and a specific purpose. It doesn’t cost as much as buying a gift and shipping it. And it reduces waste while it spreads kindness into the world. So, thank you to my sweet friend. You are so special and so loved!

I was writing this post when Mr. FixIt called to me to come look at the sunset with him. The sky was streaked with peach, yellow, pink, blue, and indigo as the sun headed west for it’s final hurrah of the day. The creek was roaring from the heavy rain we had in the afternoon. The frogs were serenading from the creek beyond the far field. Bats dipped and dove over our heads, feasting on the early evening treasure trove of mosquitoes. The catbird in the maple tree out front was putting up a fuss as we were invading her turf. The lightning bugs were rising from their daytime hideaway in the field grasses…on the search for summer love. I turned to my sweetheart and smiled. He wrapped me in his arms and held me close, kissing me on the forehead. And for that moment…we were safe and all was right with the world.

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.””
Hebrews 13:5 ESV

An Island of Sanity in a Sea of Madness

Wed, 06 Jul 2022 01:30:00 -0600

The view from the front door…which is actually the back door.

I read an op ed yesterday that said both parties want you to be afraid. They’re counting on it. Some for real, scary reasons. Others for whipping up zealous fervor. For me…and for my mental health…I am trying to keep my life on an even keel. There are so many places to seek the truth based on actual facts. I will do all I can to remain sane while staying informed. AND…I will try my best to keep it out of here.

Why?

Because…we all need a safe place to land. To read a story. To hear a beautiful piece of music or gaze upon a lovely piece of art. To see goodness in the world. There is STILL goodness in the world….even when it is so, so difficult to see or feel. My friend is going through some hard stuff. She told me the other day…she can’t see God. My heart breaks for her because I’ve been there, too. It’s easy to see and hear God when things are all hunky dory. It’s terribly difficult when life is hitting you from every angle and knocking you down.

Our morning visitor…a young red-shouldered hawk.

It’s so hard when you see the news…when you hear of all the death and destruction. It’s crazy making when you see people do things that are so incredibly out of character because the world is just amping up to the nth degree. It’s so frustrating when you know what needs to be done…what SHOULD be done…but it’s not being done. It’s so hard when you’re grieving the loss of your person. Life can be so hard.

Our little island of sanity in the sea of madness.

We do need to be responsible adults. We can’t just stick our heads in the sand. We need to suit up and show up and do the right things. We need to remember Luke 6:31ESV “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” I don’t see that very much and if you are professing to be Christian…that’s the whole basis of Christianity. That’s where all the focus should be. Love. Love like you want to be loved.

The ”Duck Whisperer.”

That being said…we also need to have moments of respite from the chaos. Pray. Go for a walk. Drink a glass of water. Take the dog for a walk or play with the cat. Play a word game. Listen to praise music or whatever your favorite is. Call a friend. Go out for coffee. Read a book. Sing. Take a yoga class. Learn to knit or crochet or paint or draw or play a musical instrument. Plant flowers. Bake a pie. Clean a closet. Volunteer. One can stay engaged without it sucking the life out of you. I have to be pretty regimented about what I allow in, but that doesn’t mean I’m uniformed.

Our babies!

I wanted to share with you a little piece of what my life is like here in West Virginia. This is thirty-one seconds of perfection. This is what I’ve wanted my whole life and now all I have to do is walk out our back door every evening and listen. I wish you could hear it for yourselves in person…to feel the warm evening breeze on your skin…to smell the woods and the freshness from the rain…but, this will have to do.

A July evening in the ”Far Field.”

Hang in there, dear ones. We’re going to make it. Just keep your balance between being informed and being peaceful. And if you need more…here are ten promises from God.

I will strengthen, help, and uphold you. Isaiah 41:10

I will never leave you. Have no fear. Hebrews 13:5-6

I gave you power and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

I will comfort you. Psalm 23:4

Be strong and courageous...I am with you. Deuteronomy 31:6

I will give you peace. John 14:27

I'm working in your life beyond your imagination. Ephesians 3:20

I am your strength through everything. Psalm 46:1-3

Give me your troubles, I've got you. Psalm 55:22

I will fight for you. Deuteronomy 20:4

God's got you. So do all the people who love you.

“for the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory.’”
Deuteronomy 20:4 ESV

The Girls With The Grandma Faces

Sun, 26 Jun 2022 01:30:00 -0600

We were oh so young when we met. Some of us went all through school together. We played on the playground together in grade school. Yesterday, we reminisced about our memories of when President Kennedy was assassinated…what were we doing, where were we when we found out, whose class were we in? We’ve gone through so much in our lives. We fought together for our rights and freedoms. We come from the same general background but with different upbringings. We love and respect each other…immensely. So, not a single one of us brought up anything remotely controversial yesterday. I don’t think a single one of us have our heads in the sand, but after the week we’ve collectively had, we just needed each other’s company. An unspoken bond held together with time and love and coffee.

We were oh so young when we left high school to head out into the world to continue our educations and create loves and families and careers. I didn’t really get to know most of these wonderful women until the last eight years or so. That’s when I asked a couple of my friends…

“How often to do you all get together for coffee?”

Crickets.

They hadn’t done that. Maybe lunch from time to time. But we had families to raise and houses to run and jobs to keep. I don’t think we really had time for friendships back then. And now? Now we have grandma faces. Life is a little bit slower. We appreciate the time a little bit more. We’ve gotten to a place in our lives where our friendships have moved a little closer to center stage. I keep a Facebook page where I can send out invitations for coffee gatherings. We try to meet once a month, although sometimes that isn’t possible. There was a big hiatus during covid and we were so excited to have a socially distanced coffee in the park one gorgeous summer day.

One of our big topics of conversation yesterday was our upcoming 50+1 Class Reunion. We are hoping it will be well attended. Six years ago, we had a coffee gathering at a Victorian mansion that belongs to a dear family friend/relative and some of the girls wanted to do that again. But, that’s a lot of work, and lot to ask of the homeowners. We talked about it yesterday and decided to have a gathering in the park for our coffee at this reunion.

We were oh so young. And now?

Our youth is on the inside now…tucked away…buffered by the winds of time and change.

Oh…so much change.

We may have grandma faces now, but we are still those young girls in the polyester pant suits and platform shoes and bell bottom jeans…on the inside.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Ephesians 4:29 ESV

Too Close to Home

Wed, 08 Jun 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I went to knitting group yesterday. I haven’t been there since I got back from Colorado. I found some yarn to make Big a sweater to take to college with her. I’ve got about 6” of it knitted and I’m not sure I am happy with the yarn itself. It is a blend of baby llama, Merino wool, silk and linen and it’s certainly going to be warm. But it has these weird fibers in it. It’s kinda like pulling out sticks and twigs and leaves and little wiry bits. I’m pulling the stickiest of them out as I knit, but I can just imagine wearing it and getting stuck with these fibers. I know she’d have to wear a shirt under it or it would be really itchy. So, before I knit any more of it, I’ll give it some thought. I might give the yarn to my dear friend, Gail. She is a prolific knitter and I’m sure she could use it. She’s always making hats and mittens and things to give to people who need them.

When I was at the knit shop, Mr. FixIt took my truck to the body shop to have the rusty areas looked at to see what we can do. When he arrived, the guys in the shop motioned for him to drive the truck in really fast. It turns out, there was a domestic violence situation next door in a trailer park and a man was barricaded inside. He had been firing a gun all morning…out the windows, I guess. The police arrived just before Mr. FixIt got there. And people were still driving up the street and standing around everywhere. The SWAT team came and engaged with the suspect and he was shot in the abdomen. He was rushed to the hospital and straight into surgery.

Mr. FixIt was at the red dot. The shooter was at the red X.

Too close, people. WAY too close.

My sweetheart got out of there as fast as he could and is fine. He’s a rock, I’m telling you. I’m a puddle. We don’t go anywhere that I’m not looking at everyone. I look for escape routes and suspicious people. I’m happiest on our five acres with Mr. FixIt by my side. That being said, God did not give us a spirit of fear. That doesn’t mean that we won’t face scary things, though.

Fear is a normal physiological response. When faced with frightening situations, our bodies pump out a massive surge of adrenalin. The sole purpose of this is to prepare us to either fight the aggressor or run like heck as fast as we can. It is a survival mechanism that has been in place since the dawn of man. It’s how we protect ourselves. That being said, it’s not a place to pitch a tent and live forever. Living in fear is not what the Lord had in mind when He gave us adrenal glands.

Remaining in a state of fear is harmful to our health….in every way. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When I am faced with fearful situations, I remind myself to breathe first. Then I ask myself if I am in true danger at the moment. No? Breathe again. If I can do something about it…I do it. If not, I breathe again. Once the threat is past, I’m often left with this lingering jittery feeling and maybe even an upset stomach. That is the adrenalin speaking and it’s not going to kill me no matter how icky it feels.

I’ve found if I just sit, I’m liable to ruminate and make matters worse. Writing helps tremendously. Getting up and doing something diverts my attention. Cleaning the kitchen. Taking out the trash. Stepping into a shower. Going outside and looking at the stars or the clouds…whichever is making its appearance at the time. I usually can’t concentrate on a book and I don’t watch TV. One of the quickest ways to settle my mind and my spirit is to knit and pray. This accomplishes two things…I calm down, and whoever wears what I’m knitting has the added advantage of wrapping themselves in lots and lots of prayers. Win-Win.

I don’t know if there is actually MORE gun violence than normal happening right now or if it’s more the “cause du jour” that the media is focusing on. It seems the rapid fire news cycle is meant to keep us stirred up and angry or fearful. High tension sells news. Whatever the case may be, I’m all about jumping on this wave and riding it to come up with some sort of reasonable bipartisan gun laws that will help stop the madness. When the shots happen that close to those I love dearest in the world, my mama bear energy gets riled up. Thoughts and prayers are very important, but we must DO something.

“I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.”
Psalms 34:4 NLT

A Day With Mr. FixIt

Thu, 02 Jun 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I’ve had more trouble with allergies this spring than I have in a long time. I’ve read that climate change is causing more allergens and those of us sensitive are even more so as things worsen. I already take so many antihistamines I rattle when I walk, but Monday night…after two days of mowing…I took an extra one at bedtime and paid for it with the jitters all night. Most people can take a Benadryl and it puts them to sleep. Not me. I can take one maybe for two nights in a row. After that, it works just the opposite and my skin crawls and I’m jumpy till dawn.

I finally gave up trying to settle in around 2:30 and went to the guest bedroom so I wouldn’t keep my sweetheart awake all night with my tossing and fidgeting. When he woke up yesterday morning, he peeked his head in to see if I was awake then asked me if I wanted to go to Marietta with him. Now, honestly, I would have loved the day to myself without the noise of the television and time to clean up the stuff from camping. But, as those of us who have lost a husband understand…these are days we cannot get back. So, I happily said an enthusiastic yes. He beamed! It’s the little things, folks.

We headed to town in what would turn into a marathon of stops here and there. We picked up the new brake line he ordered, stopped at a gorgeous nursery, checked my mail at the post office box, grabbed a soda at McDonald’s, stopped at the pool supply store for chemicals, looked at campers, went to Joe’s to water our tomatoes, stopped to see one of the kids and check out the truck that was run into yesterday (they’re sore but fortunately ok) then a last stop at Walmart on our way home.

As we drove the two lane blacktop that twists and turns through the countryside, my mind yet again turned to the number of terrible car accidents on this one particular stretch of road. In my mind’s eye, I could see a head on collision so I became hyper alert and watched every approaching car. Last night at around 7:00, a notification came across my phone that there had been a terrible two car accident in that particular place and I automatically prayed for the victims and praised God for getting us through there safely yet again.

This little Killdeer was protecting this triangle space with LOUD warnings to stay away!

We warmed up leftovers for supper and enjoyed a little rest break in the hottest part of the day. When I got up, Mr. FixIt was out working on his brakes. That man has the patience of Job…seriously. Here he is, with some diminished sensation and use of his hands from his strokes, and he tried time and time again to get the fittings to connect on that brake line. I came out and sat with him, offering him what encouragement I could while I knitted. He finally got it finished and asked if I’d like to work on the tractor next.

While I was gone in Colorado, he was mowing at the farm alone and caught the mower deck lever on the guy wire to the telephone pole that holds the transformer. It broke one end of the cover off and he ordered a replacement. I sat down where I could reach under the fender and removed the bent piece. And, of course, the replacement piece is just a smidgen different that the old one. Just enough that the plastic cover would not snap into place. I do NOT have the patience of Job and I walked away several times, only to come back and try again. We finally gave up and he’ll use the grinder on the metal piece tomorrow to get it to fit better.

A mama bird built a nest in the empty mailbox next to ours. Scares you to death!

Sometimes you just have to know when to throw in the towel and leave it for another day. We got a lot done as it was. The brakes seem to be fixed. The tomatoes are watered. We have the chemicals to put in the pool. We understand the problem with the tractor. And…we’re still married!

I’ll call that a win!

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
Hebrews 10:24-25 ESV

Life in the Country

Wed, 01 Jun 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Luna Moth on the kitchen window.

One thing about this trip…I’ve been so tired, I’m sleeping like a log! I woke up yesterday morning with a start at around 8:00. Mr. FixIt was still snoozing away. I let him sleep for a while, then noticed around 9:00 that the temperature was quickly rising. It was almost 78° already and we still needed to pack up the trailer and head to the farm to mow.

The far field. Zoom in and see our morning visitor!

I gently woke up my sweetheart and headed into the kitchen to make a couple of breakfast sandwiches and soon we were loaded up and heading for “home”. My heart still swells with the honor of being able to tend to Grandma’s home place…whether the family still owns it or not. It needed mowing and it definitely needs some pruning back of the saplings and underbrush before it takes over. The creek could use clearing out, but it won’t be by either one of us. Too many copperheads and rattlesnakes in places like that.

The farm always looks so nice after it’s mowed. That poor old elm tree needs cut down.

We sat on the porch for a bit to cool off with a cold drink and listen to the myriad birds in the woods around us. I caught a few on the Merlin app that I hadn’t found before and that was pretty cool. Tanagers and flycatchers and an American Redstart graced us with their summer songs. The Asplundh man stopped out front to check out the old dead elm tree that I’ve been trying to alert someone to these last eight years. I maybe convinced him if the creek bank gave way, that tree COULD fall on the power lines. He took my contact info to report to me what they decide. I won’t hold my breath, but it sure would be nice to get it out of there on someone else’s dime.

Grandma’s Clematis tangled in the old clothesline.

I always do a walkabout to check out the flowers around the farmhouse and they didn’t disappoint. Although I missed the beauty of the rhododendron and the peonies, there were still plenty of yellow iris on the creek bank. The clematis has taken hold and is climbing up the old clothesline pole. I even found a blossom on the Carolina Spicebush. A few years ago, my uncle hired some fellas to come and clear out the creek to keep it flowing freely. Unfortunately, they decimated the spicebush and I was crestfallen when I saw it. However, West Virginia has a climate for growing things and all those roots needed was a little time to come back to life. I hope at some point to carry some slips of all these wonderful plants and flowers and get them to grow on our five acres. I texted Frank and Beans, the new owners, some pictures of the yard and the flowers. She sent me some of the gorgeous flowers I missed while I was gone. They are the nicest people!

The Carolina Spicebush is recovering!

As I was driving back home, something caught my eye in the underbrush to the left of the road. I looked in time to see what I believe was an owl carrying off a rather large snake to feed her brood. A little further down the road, I ran over another snake. I’ve heard they’re prolific this year, although we haven’t seen one at our place yet. I put on a pot of spaghetti sauce to simmer in the slow cooker while we had our afternoon siesta. I got up to throw the rest of supper together. As I was filling up the stock pot for the pasta, a large doe quietly walked up and nibbled on some weeds along the front of the house. I slowly got my camera up high enough to shoot through glass and not window screen and took several pictures of her. Mr. FixIt was out the other night just after dark and a tiny fawn was walking after her mama in the yard. I haven’t seen babies here for a couple of years so I was glad to hear there was a newcomer. I haven’t seen it myself yet.

My visitor at the kitchen window came to nibble on some weeds while I cooked supper.

We went out on the deck Monday night to look for the new meteor shower. We did see about a dozen or so, but we didn’t have it in us to stay out there till the peak at 1:00am. Still, it was lovely to lay on the lounge chairs on the deck by the pool and enjoy the night sounds with my sweetheart. The lightning bugs are back!

My psyche has been roughed up the last few weeks. With the trip, being away from Mr. FixIt, the terrible news of the mass shootings, and the usual spates of bad news from people we love…I’ve felt pretty beat up. Having days like this where nothing is expected of me…where I can spend time in nature and at the home of my heart…where I can spent broad stretches of companionable silence with my love…these things restore me. They remind me that, even while bad things are happening, God is still providing for us and loving on us at every turn.

My heart is still shattered for the parents and families of the victims of these senseless tragedies. And for the poor, unfortunate children and teachers whose every moment of life will now be shaped by these heinous events. I have heard people saying the time for thoughts and prayers is over. I even said something to that effect right after the shootings. I would caution against taking prayer out of the mix. Yes, I believe something sensible should be done about assault rifles. AND…the parents of these slaughtered children need every bit of prayer they can get. I can’t imagine how they are surviving this and they need our love and support WHILE we try to prevent these tragedies from occurring again.

And now…it is June.

❤️‍?

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.””
John 16:33 ESV

Vicarious Trauma and Senseless Loss

Wed, 25 May 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Something happened Monday night that I didn’t tell you about because I wanted to ruminate on it a bit. I do my best thinking when I drive and this deserved some serious cogitation. I was settled in for the night in The Big Birdhouse out by the garden at my son-in-law’s parents house. Ben and Sue are kind enough to let me plug into the electric out in the shed so I can have my own little space and “pretend camp” in the driveway.

I had already made the decision to pack up and head home yesterday morning and was just finishing up my scheduled post when Sue texted.

“Ben is coming out to get you in here. Cops are looking for two armed and dangerous men!”

I jumped up and threw a few things into an overnight bag just as Ben knocked on the door. When I opened it up, there were flashing blue lights all over the place so we locked everything up and quickly scurried inside. The neighbor had alerted Sue and said the police were scouring her yard. We went around and closed all the blinds and locked all the doors including the deadbolts.

I noticed Ben rummaging round and half-joking asked if he was getting his gun. He is a retired policeman. He came around the door and asked if I wanted one, too. I only paused for second when I took the loaded revolver and placed it on the nightstand beside my bed. I was sleeping in the guest wing and wasn’t close enough to feel protected. Yet….

My heart is changing about the issue of firearms. Mr. Virgo was all about protecting what was ours…including our lives, our stuff, and our right to bear arms. I took a concealed carry class and had a permit. When we worked on the ranch in southern Colorado, we both open carried when we were out on the property because there were dangerous characters out there…two-legged as well as four.

When Mr. Virgo died, he left me with no less than seventeen firearms…most of which I traded in for a beautiful diamond ring. I did, however, keep his beautiful western nickel plated long barrel .357 as well as the replica service revolver. After he died, I carried a .357 with me whenever I traveled alone…in my camper and in my truck. I felt safer with it and that was the point.

However…as I have aged and I have seen more and more senseless gun violence, I am less inclined to carry it with me. For one thing, there was a terrible injured deer at our place a couple of years ago. I asked my friend Sparky who I should have come put it out of its misery for me. She laughed and said, “You’ll probably just have to do it yourself. We live in the country, you know?” I knew. I was no stranger to hunting and I was no stranger to putting a suffering animal mercifully out of its misery.

I carried the loaded .357 out around the corner of the house where the poor deer was standing. I carefully took note of the surroundings to make sure I wasn’t overlooking any danger beyond the animal. I was not shooting towards a road or another house. There was nothing but unpopulated hillside on the other side of the deer. I carefully raised the weapon, took aim, breathed through my shot, and the gun fired. I felt the strong kick of the force in my hands. And looked trepidatiously to see the damage done to the poor doe.

Nothing.

She stood there with her big doe eyes, looking straight at me, still chewing the mouthful of grass she’d been munching as I aimed.

This told me something about myself. If I can’t hit a deer not fifteen to twenty feet away from me in a calm and calculated fashion, I sure as hell can’t hit an attacker in the heat of a violent act. I no longer had the heart for it.

My guns have remained in the safe, locked away ever since. I’ve kept them for a couple of reasons. If I really HAD to, and the lives of my loved ones were in danger, I would try to protect myself and them as best I could. And, they are one of the last things I have that belonged to Mr. Virgo. AND…I don’t want them in the hands of some nefarious character where they might be used in a heinous act.

Like the shooting of more innocent children yesterday.

Babies. They are still shooting babies in their classrooms.

I wish people were as anti-gun violence as they are anti-abortion.

Once I heard that news, I knew why I didn’t sleep much Monday night with that weapon two feet from my head. I pulled off the road early, got a campsite, and quit for the day.

Vicarious trauma…when the violent events of the world deeply affect those who witness it, read about it, see it and hear it on social media and the news.

It’s just too much for this mama’s heart.

May we never become so numb to the ugliness that we don’t fight for a better world. May we not hide our heads in the sand. May we be strong and courageous and stand up for what’s right and protect the innocents among us.

Yes…my prayers are with those who suffer needlessly. But it’s time for more than “thoughts and prayers”.

The time for bandaids is long gone. It’s time for real and lasting change.

❤️‍?

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christian, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And “If the righteous is scarcely saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?” Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.”
1 Peter 4:12-19 ESV

Yet Another Trip to Town

Fri, 29 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I loved those weeks during the winter when we went a whole week or more without driving to town once. I get so tired of that drive…even though I love driving and the countryside is beautiful. It’s just that, there’s no such thing as a “quick trip”. Every trip turns into a full day ordeal and all I want to do is get home and do stuff that needs doing. After the trip to the beach, we have either been in town or at the farm every day or spending all day mowing…every single day.

I thought we’d have an at home day yesterday, but I woke up and told Mr. FixIt I’d better get to the DMV and get the plates for the new camper so I can get them on for the trip. While I was in town, I decided to go get the oil changed and the tires rotated on the truck. I had to wait nearly two hours so I ran over to the pharmacy to pick up my meds then settled in to knit for a little while.

I still have a couple of yarns left from earlier trips to the beach so I picked one with beautiful muted primary colors. About three years ago, I had some yarn in a basket and when we were expecting the great grandkids over, I hid the basket behind the loveseat so they couldn’t get in the yarn. Things got busy and I didn’t get back to knitting for quite some times. When I got back into knitting this winter, I pulled out that yarn and two or three of the yarn were just ruined by moths.

I salvaged this one and thought I might have success with it. But, alas…I ran into three places that had been damaged before I was even finished with the toe. You really can’t knit something with multiple strands tied together so I just chucked it in the trash and decided it was a lesson learned. I need to place these yarns in the freezer before I store them in bags with cedar chips or lavender to keep the moths out of them. It’s a shame to have to throw out beautiful and expensive yarns.

The other day, I noticed the turn signal light on the driver’s side mirror has a lamp out. I tried to buy one at the auto parts store but was told I have to get it from the Ford dealership. I ran over to the parts department and…guess what? They had to order it and it’ll be in this morning. That means…ANOTHER drive to town! Argh!

Meanwhile, I bought a beautiful hydrangea for the former Mrs. FixIt for her upcoming birthday. Since I’m leaving for the Colorado Adventure next week, I wasn’t sure I’d get to see her again before I go so I swung by her house on my way home. I really like her a lot. She showed me around her flower gardens. I am in awe of her green thumb! I could kill a silk plant…no lie.

So, after we go to town to get the light bulb for the truck, we’ll head out to the farm to fix the water pump on the well. Remember how I told you as soon as mowing season hit, we wouldn’t have a spare minute? Well, I wasn’t kidding! I’m not complaining…I love doing it (except for all those trips to town, that is). It keeps me young and healthy and there’s no place I would rather live than in West Virginia country and no one I’d rather be with than my sweet man.

It’s Friday all ready. This time next week, I’ll be on the road to see my Colorado peeps! I can hardly wait!!!!!

“Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.”
Job 12:12 ESV

Quit “Fixing” and Start Living

Tue, 26 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Flowering Quince on the creekbank at the farm.

I am all about personal growth. I needed it desperately…several times in my life. Each time the opportunity presented itself, I came out a better version of myself. After my first divorce, it was honestly all I could do to be a better mom and get through my days. Hubby #1 moved back to WV after we separated so he could go to college. I stayed on in Denver, raising Daughter #1 and working. I really didn’t have much time to think about personal growth. I wouldn’t have known what that meant anyway.

One of my biggest seasons of personal growth came after divorce #2. I felt like such a failure. I was forty-seven years old. Daughter #1 was grown and married and lived clear across the country. Daughter #2 was just 10. I did a lot of work in the five years after that divorce and it was really, really hard. I tried dating, but I wasn’t very good at that, either. I opened my needlework shop, I had an excellent therapist, and I learned to say no. I learned about boundaries…something the adult child of an alcoholic knows so little about. I learned about co-dependency and how badly I didn’t want that in my life anymore.

Right around the time I decided being alone wasn’t such a bad thing…in walked Mr. Virgo. A whirlwind romance ensued and soon we were walking the streets of Aspen, rubbing elbows with the beautiful people and enjoying fine dining and lots of fun. We moved around the state to new work opportunities. We lived a beautiful life.

Then he died.

While that was the most painful experience I’d had up until then, I did…once again…achieve a great deal of personal growth. I don’t think I had to work at it as hard as I did after the divorce. A lot of the tools for coping were the same.

Try as I might, I always had a hard time getting past this feeling like there was something wrong with me. I didn’t seem to think the same way as most people. I didn’t learn the same way or work the same way. I’ve since learned that I am probably neurodivergent…meaning, maybe I’m a little autistic…a little different…a little ADHD.

And that’s OK.

A lot of people fall into the category of neurodivergent and they live perfectly normal lives. They function, they cope, they adapt, they mask. They get by.

Yesterday morning, I was laying in bed thinking about the one characteristic I have that trips me up far too often…far more than I usually admit. And that is…anxiety. Anxiety has been my constant, most unwelcome companion for as long as I can remember. I hate it. It makes me feel broken…abnormal…weird. You can’t keep asking people to wait up for you to get your act together so you can join in, because (you think) you can do that if you just work on “fixing this problem”.

What hit me yesterday morning was a brilliant flash of insight.

Maybe I was never broken. Maybe I was just planted in the wrong places. Mistaken. Misunderstood.

What if? What if I quit trying to FIX myself to fit better into other people’s expectations of me? What if I free myself of the obligation of trying to fit someone else’s notion of who or what I should be and just live my life? What would that look like?

Mr. FixIt has been my best mirror. He celebrates and encourages and lifts me up at every turn. We went out to the farm yesterday and mowed. Afterwards, we worked to try to fix the well pump. We spent several hours out there trying this and that. (I think we have it figured out…we just need to go to town to get some parts tomorrow.) Last night, I excused myself to go write this post and let Mr. FixIt watch his police shows. As I turned to walk up the steps to the kitchen, he called after me.

“You did good work today.”

I turned back to him with such a look of love.

“Thank you for telling me that, sweetheart. You did good work, too.”

We should always lift each other up. Offer encouragement. Show our gratitude. This tells me, more than anything, I’m ok. I’m doing good work. I’m loving well and living well. I am not broken or weird. I’m just me…delightfully and perfectly imperfect. There is a part of me that gets anxious. But it doesn’t kill me. It doesn’t last forever. And I’m learning that the part of the brain that gets anxious is the exact same part that gets excited. So, when I start getting the first tingles of anxiety, I tell myself I’m just excited and start naming all the things that I’m looking forward to doing.

It’s working better and better. I saw a psychiatrist for several years. He said two things that have always stuck with me.

“The goal of therapy is to get out of therapy.”

And…

“At some point, you just have to get out there and live your life.”

This is not to say we can’t benefit from seeking professional assistance with our mental health. I am so happy to see the conversations going on now regarding mental health. Maybe after the huge challenges we’ve all faced in the last two (six?) years, we can finally normalize mental health and get rid of some of the social stigma. Wouldn’t that be great?

Life is really a lot less complicated than what we make of it.

“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

When the Images are Too Disturbing

Sat, 09 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Our miniature rhododendron is blooming.

We had a lovely home day. A bowl of oats. Andy Griffith reruns. Knitting. A visit from my bonus daughter and her husband. We watched the most recent episodes of American Idol. It was chilly and rained off and on all day. At 4:30, we bundled up and headed to town for the youngest granddaughter’s softball game.

We stopped and grabbed a sandwich on the way and at the last minute, Mr. FixIt called to find out if the game was still on and sure enough…it was cancelled. We whipped into one of our favorite discount stores to pick up some pool chemicals. It’ll be time to start working on that project pretty soon.

When we walked back into the house and put our things away, I asked my sweetheart to please wait to turn the news on because I just don’t have it in me. When the news anchor says, “I must warn you, these images may be too disturbing to watch.” I’ve only watched the news a handful of times since Ukraine was invaded. And each time was worse than the last. Earlier this week, I saw the bodies in the streets. I simply cannot do that. It is not good for my health…mental or physical.

I do read the news online to get the gist of what’s going on in the world. I don’t have to read all the stories or look at all the pictures to get an understanding of what’s happening. I read a devastating story about a Russian woman who lives in the states. She was a normal person, a good wife and mother, till she started following the news of the Russian invasion. Something broke in her. She became convinced Russian spies were going to come take her children and abuse them. She became paranoid and heard voices. She started drinking heavily and became violent. And finally, she killed her youngest son with her bare hands. In court, she turned to family members in the gallery and told them she loved them and she doesn’t understand what has happened.

What happened is what they used to call a “nervous breakdown”. It a sort of trash basket description of a psychotic break, anxiety, or depression. When I was growing up, once in a while I would hear Mom talking about someone having a nervous breakdown. I sort of looked at it as emotional exhaustion. Something that seemed to happen when people were under an inordinate amount of stress. In my child mind, you got to go into the hospital for a nice, weeklong rest from housework and child rearing. It didn’t seem like such a bad thing.

Till it happened to me.

I was going through a terrible stretch in my marriage to Hubby #2. I was stressed, sleep deprived, and had a baby and a sixteen year old. I coped with alcohol and prescription medications. Sometimes I handled things well…other times, not so much. When he’d had all he could take, he was done. My marriage was over and I was so far down the hill, I didn’t know how I would ever get back up again.

I had that “nervous breakdown”. I overdosed on two full bottles of medicine. After two or three days in our local hospital, I went into a behavioral unit for a couple of weeks to get my **** together. That’s when I found out, it wasn’t a nice week off full of tea and cookies and naps in a darkened room. It was brutal and flat out scary. This poor woman who resorted to murder was out of her mind and it doesn’t sound like she was getting any psychiatric help, even though the police had been called to their home at some point.

I am afraid there will be a tsunami of mental health crises in the aftermath of the pandemic and the current events in the world. I’ve had moments in the last year when anxiety overtook me. But, I’ve been to the bottom in the past and I have more tools in my toolbox than I did prior to that hospitalization. I could recognize now if I needed help more urgently. Not everyone has those tools or that insight into their own behaviors. I urge anyone who is struggling with their mental health to reach out to someone for help. You can start with your doctor or clergy person, your spouse or a trusted friend.

There is absolutely no shame in asking for help with your mental health. No more so than asking for help with a broken arm or a bad gallbladder. Perhaps this time in our civilization will be the catalyst to finally let go of some of the stigmas surrounding mental illness. No one should be left to their own devices during these challenging times to keep both oars in the water. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone who cares.

We may not be in the same boat, but we are in this storm together. Let’s walk with each other and lift each other up.

“The waters closed in over me to take my life; the deep surrounded me; weeds were wrapped about my head at the roots of the mountains. I went down to the land whose bars closed upon me forever; yet you brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God. When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple.”
Jonah 2:5-7 ESV

The Past as a Present

Wed, 06 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Those of you who have been around a while know what happens at this time of year. I start delving into the taxes. And you know what that means. I have to pull out my trusty laptop, dust it off, and fire it up. I’ll bet I don’t turn that thing on more than a couple of times a year unless I’m working on my genealogy…and I haven’t been. I’ve been knitting instead. So…yesterday was “the day”.

If you look back at this time every year, you will see pictures of people screaming and pulling their hair out while staring down a computer screen. Because…when you don’t boot up a computer for extended periods of time, there are any number of critical updates that need to be downloaded and installed. Maybe the virus protection is out of date and needs to be freshened up before you can even open any of the other programs. Maybe their subscriptions are expired and the wallet comes out to plop down an exorbitant amount of money before you can even start. That doesn’t even count downloaded all the transactions from the bank account and reconciling before end of year reports can be run. Oy…it’s a mess I get myself into year after year after year.

Imagine my surprise when I opened the laptop yesterday and the updates went through smooth as silk. Imagine a helpful guy named Anthony skillfully walking me through the download and installation of a year’s worth of transactions without a glitch. Imagine I shopped so little that there were less than 500 transactions in all of last year! It’s a Tax Season Miracle!

Now…I haven’t actually DONE the taxes, but the software has been downloaded, I’ve prescheduled it to download next year and for the foreseeable future so I don’t have to remember to buy a disk when I’m in town since I shop so seldom. The account is balanced to the penny, the categories have been assigned to each transaction, and all I have to do today is plug in the numbers in the right places and…voila! I’m pretty jazzed it’s been this easy so far and it didn’t take me five days of pulling my hair out to get to this point.

Since I worked on the computer instead of going to the knitting group yesterday, and since I was finished in record time, I rewarded myself with an hour or two of browsing the newly released 1950 Census. There are no surprises…I found my parents and grandparents and they were listed at the addresses I knew of. It was fun to go down the list of names on the road that goes to the farm and recognize the people my grandma always talked about….some of whose I’ve met.

It rained off and on all day yesterday so it was the perfect time to stay in and work on the computer. It will rain steadily all day today as well. The refrigerator isn’t working on the new camper and it’s under warranty, so I made an appointment for tomorrow to take it in for repairs. I’ve made it clear I need it back no later than the end of the month to prepare for the trip to Colorado. They assured me it shouldn’t be a problem.

If you have a little time on your hands, go explore the 1950 Census. You can access it HERE. My brother and I weren’t around yet, but we didn’t miss it by much. It’s pretty exciting if you’re a genealogy geek like me! The census was mention thirty-six times in the Bible.

““Take a census of all the congregation of the people of Israel, by clans, by fathers’ houses, according to the number of names, every male, head by head.”
Numbers 1:2 ESV

My Body and Me or Monday Motivations

Mon, 04 Apr 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Big is graduating from high school next month. Then, in August, Mr. FixIt and I have our 50+1 Year High School Reunion. I had every intention of losing weight and being svelte for both occasions, yet…here I am. Just…me. *heavy sigh* (Pun intended.)

When I got out of the shower yesterday, I sat on the edge of the bed to brush my hair. It’s become a much bigger ordeal now that it’s almost down to my waist. I used to hide from my body. I wouldn’t anymore sit in front of a mirror in my “all together” than I would run naked down the street. But, a lot has changed in the last couple of years. The pandemic made eating two loaves of sourdough bread a week an absolute necessity. And don’t get me started on the cookies and cinnamon rolls and biscuits, ok? Let’s just say…food was my comfort during a decidedly uncomfortable season in my life.

As I sat there, brushing my hair and looking at the leftover cinnamon rolls on my belly and hips, I got a great flash of insight. If we divide our lives up like we divide the year…in seasons, then it’s wintertime for this body. And what do we do in the winter? We give ourselves permission to seek comfort. I’ve learned I can embrace the snow or I can be miserable in it. Either way…there will be snow. So why not choose happy? Same with my body. I can love it or hate it but it’s the only one I’ve got. It’s just the meat sack my soul lives in till I get to go Home. I’ll be good to it and not hate myself for feeding it cookies from time to time.

My longest relationship was with a man who valued good health and to him, good health equaled being thin and athletic. Not my forte. As often happens when people aren’t on the same page in a marriage, frustrations boiled over and hurtful things were said in anger. Things that scarred me. I’ve forgiven those things because we are all just works in progress. But, I’ll be honest…up until the summer before the pandemic, I still felt self conscious about my weight in front of him.

Not anymore. Mr. FixIt and I went shopping yesterday at Kohl’s. My goal was to get something nice to wear to Big’s graduation in Colorado. As I walked through the store, it occurred to me I wasn’t feeling bad about it. I wasn’t wondering if there was some way to make myself look like I’ve lost fifty pounds by the middle of May. Like, maybe they have a new undergarment that will squeeze me into a size 12. Yeah…not bloody likely.

It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that I don’t think it’s important to be healthy. I got the first inkling of this change when I apologized to the doctor for my weight a couple of years ago. He was quiet a moment while he looked at me and said, “You know, you can be healthy AND carry extra weight.”

Wow.

Permission to be normal. Who knew a doctor could be this way? Not I.

I’ve chosen a lot of new ways to feel this year. I’ve had two surgeries that didn’t find what we were hoping for. Were they failures? No…each one took out a tumor. We just couldn’t find all of them. I’ve adjusted my attitude from the fifty year plan to the twenty year plan. I’m not the weight I wanted to be for the events I have coming up. You know what? That’s ok. It’s been a hella hard couple of years and I’m blessed to be standing upright and taking nourishment. We haven’t had covid or lost our family to it. We aren’t destitute and can afford to eat and buy a tank of gas and have a roof over our heads.

I’m good. Besides, I’m not fat…I’m fluffy! And I bought a gorgeous outfit that will work for BOTH events! I get my peace from Jesus…not my jeans.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.””
John 16:33 ESV

Thank God I’m a Country Girl

Wed, 30 Mar 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I’ve been a farm girl for as long as I can remember…whether I lived in the country or not. The love of the land bit me when I was very young and the dream was never far away, even when I lived and worked in a city. This picture was taken at the log house Hubby #2 and I bought after he finished his residency and joined a practice in a tourist town on the Western Slope of the Rockies.

If you look closely, you can see the semi-arid, desert-like land we lived in. Rain was hard to come by. Lawns and gardens had to be irrigated with water you bought and paid for. And the ground itself was hard packed and needed so much work to foster it into something workable. As I fiddled around with my plantings, I dreamt of a farm in the lush green land of my youth.

For a number of reasons…not the least of which was being Jewish…my husband didn’t feel West Virginia would be very welcoming. Besides, he was a Colorado boy, born and bred. They don’t transplant well into humidity. So my dream of that verdant farm remained just that…a dream. I did the best I could with what I had to work with.

On this day, I borrowed our neighbor’s tractor and plowed up a huge garden. I worked it, planted it, babied it, and fought the wildlife for my budding plants. Between the deer and the rabbits…it was a tough war. That summer, I left the watering to my husband and my daughter and I went to West Virginia to visit my mom and grandma. On June 23rd, he called me to break the news. It got down to 23° overnight and I lost everything.

I was so disappointed. I vowed that very day to buy all my veggies from local farmers. I made friends with some people who lived on a mesa west of town. I drove out to their farm once a week to buy my produce from their organic farm in person to keep them from having to give a cut to the farmer’s market they frequented. I knew full well from watching my grandparents grow strawberries to sell…there’s a boatload of work in it and you need to get back every penny you can.

When this photo popped up yesterday, I smiled at the warm memories it invoked. I was so young and energetic and idealistic. I was supremely confident my marriage would last the rest of our lives and we were going to live happily ever after. But, life isn’t a fairy tale and time can change even the most committed people.

I am who I am today, largely because of that twenty-year marriage. It gave me my second daughter. It gave me experiences and life lessons I couldn’t get any other way. Even though things got really, really hard at the end of that marriage, I wouldn’t trade it for anything because of the personal growth it forced me to make.

I look at photos like this and compare it to where I am now in my life. I was thirty-four years old in this picture. I’m soon to be sixty-nine. A lot of water has gone under that bridge. Life has passages we go through….times of smooth sailing and times of strife. I know full well how blessed I am to be right where I am and with my Mr. FixIt. I don’t let a day go by without telling him how happy I am that our paths crossed again and that we chose to live out this adventure together.

On occasion, my mind wanders to the darker sides of life. After having lost Mr. Virgo to a massive heart attack, I am fully aware how tenuous life is…how easily it all could be snatched away. I used to feel anxiety and fear at the “what ifs”. I’ve stopped doing that (most of the time, anyway), because that is not how God wants me to live my life. He tells me in His instruction manual that I cannot gain one hour in my life by worrying. He tells me not to be afraid…that He will equip me with exactly what I need, when I need it. And, He will carry me when the going gets tough.

I have complete faith that He will do what He says He will because…I’ve seen Him fulfill His promises…over and over and over. Remembering that fact instills me with the confidence that I can do anything with Him in my life because He strengthens me. I know that He lives within me and He is greater that he who lives in the world. He makes sure that no weapon formed against me will prosper. These promises have gone a long way toward improving my emotional and physical wellbeing.

I don’t know how to act my age because, I’ve never been this age before. So I’ll just live each one of the days like it’s my last and enjoy the ride.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”
Proverbs 3:5 ESV

Let’s Talk About Anger and Redemption

Tue, 29 Mar 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Jada Pinkett Smith rolls her eyes in response to Chris Rock’s joke about her alopecia. Initially, her husband laughs with the crowd. Then….not so much. Photo Credit: ABC

I have to tell you…I never watch the Academy Awards. I went eight years without a television. Then, after Mr. Virgo died, there was very little that could hold my attention for more than an hour so movies fell off the list, too. Mr. FixIt and I have been together for five years now and I believe we have gone to the theater maybe twice in that time. It’s just not something I do, so the Oscars are a bit of a moot exercise. I don’t know many of the actors and don’t follow their careers.

I was writing my post Sunday night when Mr. FixIt called me into the living room to see something on TV. He was watching the awards ceremony when the infamous “slap heard ‘round the world” played out on the screen. He, like many others, questioned what he was seeing. Was this a joke? Was it scripted? One look at Will Smith’s face when he was shouting at Chris Rock told me this was real.

Social media lit up with a fervor within moments with hashtags like #whatjusthappened. As best as I can tell by what I’ve read, there were a lot of things at play here and I think they warrant some discussion…not that there hasn’t been plenty, mind you.

First and foremost, let me say there is no place for violence…ever. I do not condone that behavior, nor am I excusing it.

Jada Pinkett Smith announced in 2018 that she was suffering with alopecia and decided to shave her head. From what I’ve found, she had only one spot of hair loss at the time, located on the crown of her head. As is her prerogative, she took control of the situation, much as chemo patients do who shave their heads before the poison has a chance to make their hair fall out in clumps. I admire that.

Alopecia is an emotionally painful condition. Much of our identity is tied up in our appearance and let’s face it…our hair is right there, front and center. Short of wearing a ball cap, we can’t do much to hide bald patches. I watch people I love struggle with ways to hide hair loss and I wish I could just get them to be brave and take charge and embrace who they are. But, it’s not my head…it’s not my hair.

Chris Rock is a comedian. I don’t think he’s very funny. His jokes are crude and vulgar and it’s never a good idea to joke about someone’s medical condition. So, at the get go, this wasn’t going to go well. When he got to Ms. Smith and made a reference to the next GI Jane movie, he was making reference to her alopecia. Not cool. Then…something happened.

The room laughed. Will Smith laughed. Jada Pinkett Smith did not.

What happened here? Obviously Ms. Smith didn’t laugh because the joke was about her. So why did the audience and her husband laugh? There is something called “mob psychology”. Something happens in a crowd setting that may not normally happen with the individuals within that crowd. It has to do with the need to belong, to fit in, to be one of the “in crowd”. It’s why teenagers succumb to peer pressure. And it’s why some law abiding citizens join in on a law breaking event they might never think of doing in any other setting.

The people in the audience take their social cues from each other. If a handful of people would have booed at the joke, there probably wouldn’t have been the laughter…albeit uncomfortable. So, they laughed. Will laughed. Then he looked at his wife and saw her annoyance and probable hurt. And, as is often the case with toxic masculinity, he went with his first impulse and walked to the stage to strike the errant comedian.

Let me interject a story here. When I was thirteen years old and my brother was fifteen, Mom left us home when she went to work. My brother is differently abled…he has cerebral palsy. I was, and still am his self-appointed protector. I was in the house one day, cleaning up the kitchen and starting supper. I heard a ruckus out back and went to investigate. There was a neighbor boy on the bank, hiding in some bushes, making fun of my brother and his stutter. I was livid.

I slipped out the front door, went up the street and around the back of his house. I snuck up behind him and before he knew what was happening, I kicked him in the seat of his pants and he went tumbling down the bank and into the street. He got up, skinned and bloodied. I shinnied down that bank as fast as I could and stood right up to that bully…nose to nose…and told him if he ever picked on my brother again, he’d look a darned sight worse next time. He ran crying into the house and I went to get my brother and take him inside.

I understand the deep down gut instinct to protect that which is mine. I do. But there is a huge difference between what I did as a thirteen year old and what this grown man did on national television. I understand we hold celebrities to higher standards because they are looked up to by others. I know what he should have done…could have done. He chose to resort to violence and sullied his reputation in the process. I believe he’s contrite for a number of reasons…not the least of which is the repercussions that may come from the Academy itself like the possibility of losing that coveted Oscar. I understand he and Chris have mended their fences already…which smacks of “boys will be boys”.

Did Jada need rescuing? Probably not. She is a pretty strong individual and can hold her own from what I can see. Did the people involved in the movie he was there to represent get their evening ruined? Probably so. It wasn’t the shining moment they were hoping for…that they deserved. Did the attendees get what they came there for? Maybe. Maybe not. That’s not the point of this exercise.

Denzel Washington probably had the most prophetic comment of the night. During the commercial break…after the altercation but before Will’s Oscar win…Denzel said to him “At your highest moment, be careful. That’s when the devil comes for you.” And, isn’t that the truth? When we are at the apogee of our careers…when we are standing in the spotlight of good things…that’s when we are the most vulnerable to the enemy’s attacks.

Will Smith ignored his better angels that night. He did what he thought was right in the emotion of the moment and defended his wife. And what we witnessed was a fall from grace which is a really hard thing to watch. There’s been a lot of that lately…that “falling from grace”. Maybe society at large have been living a little high on the hog and we’re getting dressed down to size. Maybe mob mentality is challenging our better angels to a duel. I don’t know. I do know that violence is never the answer to lasting peace…not in any arena.

Lady Gaga, left, and Liza Minnelli present the award for best picture at the Oscars on Sunday, March 27, 2022, at the Dolby Theatre in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Chris Pizzello)

What we really should focus on were the wonderful firsts that occurred during the night. The best picture win went to an all deaf cast, bringing the deaf community into the spotlight in a mainstream movie that normalizes the characters’ lives, showing them as no different than ourselves. But to me, from what limited clips I saw, the star of the evening was Lady Gaga. She accompanied the aging and frail Liza Minnelli out to present the Oscar for Best Movie. While Ms. Minnelli stumbled a bit, her protégé was calm and gently guided her through the entire process in a way that honored the septuagenarian without infantilizing her. What a wonderful example of respecting our elders. These are the people we should be looking up to and talking about.

“Whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.”
Matthew 23:12 ESV

In Times Like These

Wed, 23 Mar 2022 01:30:00 -0600

Paul Harvey once said, “In times like these, it’s helpful to remember that there have always been times like these.” I read that in my morning devotional yesterday and it really struck home. I’m soon to be sixty-nine years old. In those nearly seven decades, there have been plenty of “times like these”. The Cuban Missile Crisis. Assassinations. Wars. Riots. 9/11. The Pandemic. So many challenges. And, through all of them, the biggest sacrifices came in the form of loss and grief.

It’s easy to let our imaginations run wild and head to the worst case scenarios. There’s nothing wrong with planning and being prepared. But obsessively ruminating over all the bad things is not where God has called us to stand. In Ephesians 6:13, we are instructed to take up the full armor of God so we can withstand the evil of the day and, having done all, to stand firm. Those last six words are the key.

We need to do our part…do everything we can that God asks us to do, then stand still and watch how he works it all out. Standing still. Letting go. It’s vitally important. Because you cannot hear the voice of God when you’re screaming and in a frenzy.

Life is incredibly beautiful and incredibly hard at the same time. There is so much wonder and so much ugliness. And it all happens at the same time, just not always at the same place. For the most part, we have lived long stretches of what could best be described as a charmed life in this country. We have enjoyed privileges so many in this world cannot even dream of. We’ve come to enjoy that…expect that…even demand that.

Everyone, at one time or another, has experienced great hardship in their lives. The last few years, we have had a collective hardship to bear. Watching the pandemic play out around the globe has perhaps brought us into closer community with our fellow earthlings. We’ve become more aware, dare I say…empathetic. I hope this pulling together continues, because a house divided cannot stand.

Our best way to do that is to remember the scriptures that tell us to not be afraid, to do what God asks us to do, and then stand still…stand firm…and listen to that still, small voice.

“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.”
Ephesians 6:13-20 ESV

A Soft Day at Home

Mon, 21 Mar 2022 01:30:00 -0600

We had a soft day. Nothing pressing. Nothing urgent. Our day of rest and reflection and silent prayerful meditation. Mr. FixIt made oats for breakfast. He watched a little TV. I knitted. We attempted to nap…albeit unsuccessfully. He went to town to visit with his bowling buddies as they played. He hasn’t bowled on a regular basis since the original lockdown and subsequent strokes. His balance is a little off…his hands not quite as before. But he’s all there and healthy so we’ll take that as a win!

I watched the last day of the swim meet. Big knocked several seconds off her personal bests and we were all so proud of her. I’m almost finished knitting the first of another pair of socks. There’s still so much strife in the world and I just didn’t have it in me to write a long post last night. I set it aside and read my book for a while before I went to sleep in the Birdhouse.

Today is a new day. We’ll head to Charleston to run an errand then back home. The time is passing quickly now and we have things to do before it’s time to travel and mow and garden. I’ll be back tomorrow with a full post. In the meantime, be gentle with each other…and yourselves. Till then, here is a feel-good, Motivation Monday post from 2019 to hold you over.

[www.marshmallowranch.com/motivatio...](https://www.marshmallowranch.com/motivation-monday-kindness-matters/)

“with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
Ephesians 4:2-3 ESV

A Short Attention Span

Mon, 14 Mar 2022 01:30:00 -0600

I’m finding knitting a shawl to be a bit more tedious than I thought. Granted, if I were knitting a more intricate pattern, or if the yarn changed color more frequently, it might be more entertaining. As it is, you start with one stitch and gradually add two stitches every other row. So, as you get further along in the course of knitting the garment, the rows become longer and longer. There is something of a psychological obstacle when you knit and knit and knit and get two rows done. Ugh. Now I totally get why knitters have more than one project going at the same time.

I decided to start a pair of socks yesterday. I’m using a hand painted yarn. It’s four-strand fingering, 85% wool and 15% nylon for strength. It’s twisted very loosely and it’s not incredibly soft. I got it out of the interest in seeing how the socks match. Because, allegedly they’ll match stitch for stitch. We’ll see. It was a lovely break to see a different color and watch my work grow more quickly.

Of course, when I knit, Mr. FixIt has the TV. Yesterday was actually rather entertaining. He binge watched Modern Marvels where they film how different foods are made. It was really interesting and informative. Something caught my attention on TV recently. There was an ad for a car warranty company that I want to talk about.

This company has advertised for years. Sometimes a celebrity talks about how important it is to have your car under a warranty. They usually have “customers” who sing the praises of said warranties and how it’s saved them thousands of dollars. However, they have started showing a new commercial and I just couldn’t believe what they did. They did the usual pushing of the warranty, and how it would save you money. But, it was like those posts you see on Facebook that are designed to get you to participate and click. “Tell me you’re old without telling me you’re old.” It was what they DIDN’T say that was so obvious.

They referenced the economy, and inflation. And how with the way things are going, you may have to keep that old car forever. Then, she went on to say. “It’s our patriotic duty to have a car warranty to keep our costs down.” This is so wrong on so many levels. First of all, if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Google car warranties and see how many of them are scams and they turn people down right and left when it comes to fixing the vehicle. And you pay out the nose for these things. Second, it is insidious to call out to “patriots” to buy their product.

They are marketing to a certain segment of our population. A population that may be coerced more easily perhaps. As I get older, I am more aware of how companies market to the elders in the community and they are likely on a fixed income and can’t afford things like car warranties. I hate seeing people taken advantage of and this smacks of preying on the elderly and those who, perhaps for political reasons, think this company cares about or represents them in some way.

I may be totally off base on that, but it’s just the way it struck me. I’ve watched more television in the last four months than I’ve seen since Mr. Virgo died. We watch mostly comedy shows like old Andy Griffith reruns or Frasier or Big Bang Theory. We watch America Says and The Chase sometimes. We love the singing competitions like American Idol and The Voice. And we watch a half hour of news every day. I’m knitting away the entire time and of course, this will all go to the wayside when it warms up and we are outside working.

It’s Monday, y’all. The time has changed and there was still light in the sky at 8:08 last night. Mr. FixIt and I were saying how much we love Daylight Savings Time and don’t mind the shift at all. But, as he pointed out, we don’t have to get up and go to work or school either, so that makes a huge difference. Get out there and make it a good week!

“Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.”
Proverbs 31:9 ESV

Knitting as Meditation

Mon, 28 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I have become much more calm since I started knitting again last fall. I find the rhythmic movements of my hands to be hypnotic. I focus on the smallest of things…the way the yarn feels between my thumb and forefinger…the shape of the stitches…the way the yarn makes a pattern out of seeming chaos. I love the almost miraculous way two sticks and a thread can be manipulated into a warm garment.

I find knitting is my church these days. It is there where I sit with Jesus and mull over the problems of the world. I pray into my stitches and ask God to bless whoever ends up owning this particular piece. I pray when the person gifted wears the garment, they will feel the prayers I’ve sent up of them and the comfort of God’s love lingering in the fibers.

I finished the fingerless gloves for Little yesterday. I got a good start on a hat to match. I’ll send them as an early present since her birthday isn’t for another few months. Big turns eighteen today. She gets money for her birthday. It’s always the right color and size, but I’ll mail her some socks I knitted for her as well.

Mr. FixIt went to visit his buddies at the bowling alley last night, which left the house quiet for a few hours. I knitted in the stillness, my needles ticking softly together as I worked the pattern. I tried to improvise and add some lacy touches to my work, but after making so many mistakes and ripping it out three times, I decided to just stick to the directions given this time. I think the yarn I am using isn’t quite conducive to the pattern I attempted.

Here it is…the end of February! Usually this month crawls like cold molasses, but not this year. Probably because of my surgery. That was quite the diversion. I continue to find my attitude adjustment helping me feel better. There’s nothing I can do about the results of the surgery. But there’s a lot I can do about how I deal with it. Between the medication regimen and God’s grace and encouragement, I’m feeling much better. The problem is still there. It won’t go away without removal of the errant glands. So, a good attitude goes a long way toward a better quality of life.

I’m continuing to pray for peace. My knitting should positively be glowing at this point.

So tend to your knitting. You've got your hands full just taking care of your own life before God.
Romans 14:12 MSG

Kindness Matters

Sun, 20 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

In August 1988, George Herbert Walker Bush became the Republican Nominee for President of the United States. In his acceptance speech, he coined a phrase that has reverberated down the halls of time ever since. He exhorted the American people to become a kinder, gentler nation. He referenced “1000 points of light” which represented the diversity of this country.

I remember this so well. The following year, Hubby #2 and I decided to bring another child into the world and Daughter #2 was born in the Spring of 1990. I was encouraged and uplifted to hear our President encourage acceptance and kindness. Life seemed so simple then. Daughter #1 was preparing to head to college and we were busy raising a baby.

I kind of lost myself in the last decade of the 20th Century. My Daughter married a wonderful young man and moved to Long Island. My baby started school. My mental health went down the tubes and my marriage tumbled quickly right behind it. I was just coming back to myself when 9/11 happened. I saw our country come together in our collective grief, and again I felt such hope for humanity. We were really there for each other.

I knew when I saw the second tower fall…our country would never be the same. I couldn’t have predicted the state we are in today, but Mr. Virgo did. There were many dinner conversations in which he would warn me of what was to come and I refused to believe it. He would gently chide me to stop acting like Pollyanna and look around me. I kept insisting…kindness matters.

I still believe that. I still believe that those who have damaged our world will be held accountable someday. It may not be in this life…but someday they will be judged by a higher power than any courts of man. I rest on that knowledge. I also know, since the deregulation of the “news”, media peddles whatever sells…truth be damned. While I find this disheartening, I know in the end…this is not my forever home. This is where I came to learn to love like Jesus loves.

Right now, there is a terrible and reckless chess game playing out in Eastern Europe. Mark my words, there is far more to this situation than is apparent on the surface. I am comforted in a renewed solidarity of NATO nations and pray that we will come out of this without destroying the world. Let’s just say…I never EVER dreamed this is how I’d be spending my golden years.

The bottom line is this….no matter what is happening “out there”…I will seek peace, justice, kindness, and love. I had a lovely conversation with the most wonderful woman yesterday. Arlene was supposed to be my aunt. She was my Uncle Sonny’s fiancé. They would have been married sometime in the late ‘50s, but he was killed in a plane crash in 1955. Arlene went on and married and had a family in California. Grandma talked about her till the day she died.

When I was helping my mom with her genealogical research and I discovered the power of the internet, I looked for Arlene and found her. I connected her with my mom and eventually, Arlene and her sister came here to West Virginia. She went to the cemetery and stood in front of my uncle’s grave and, as she wept, she heard a noise and looked up. A solitary military jet flew by overhead. She told me that story yesterday and said, in that moment…she was given closure.

Arlene is in her mid ‘80s now. Her husband has been gone for many years. She has some health issues but none terribly serious. She called me yesterday because she felt compelled to tell me how good the Lord is to us….even in the midst of uncertainty. Because, the Bible tells us we will have tribulations in this world. But Jesus has overcome the world. And He lives within me. The same power that created the world lives in me…knows me…loves ME. He has overcome the world.

I peeked at the end of this story. I know how it’s going to go. And I know, the very best thing I can do is share that love with you…share that kindness….offer you hope and peace in knowing we are never, ever alone. No matter how awful the news is. No matter how many scary stories are out there. Now matter how ugly things appear.

If we can be anything in this world…we can be kind. Because…..kindness matters.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:32 ESV

The Twenty Year Plan

Wed, 16 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Ever since I found out the latest surgery to find the errant parathyroid glands in my neck was unsuccessful, I’ve felt like I’ve been floating around in a rowboat without any oars. Just bobbing along…not knowing what to do, or even if there is anything TO do. I prayed a lot about it over the weekend. I handed it to God and I told him I trusted He would help me to not only survive this disappointment, but to thrive in the process.

I trust that God uses all things for His glory. I believe He has a plan for us to prosper and not to harm us…a plan that gives us hope and a future. Sometimes God whispers to us and guides us gently. Other times, He hits us up the side of the head or brings someone with a megaphone so we “get it”. That’s what He did when answering my weekend prayers.

I have a dear friend who is like a sister to me. I never had a biological sister, but “Hattie” is as close to me as any blood relative. We usually check in with each other several times a week. She texted me Monday to see how I was feeling after my surgery. I told her I was just feeling rudderless…like I don’t know what direction to turn. I told her about my disappointment that the surgery failed to “cure” me after I had such high hopes that it would.

We had a long heart-to-heart talk…the kind sisters and life-long friends have. She had a brilliant piece of advice. I’m going to share it with you here in her own words.

“I talk to my docs and my dentist about the 20 year plan. I mean, even if I am blessed enough to live to be 90, I will have only about 20 years left to worry with something. So, I tell them to talk in those terms. I don’t need a 55-year plan (which is the number I use because most of my medical peeps are in their 30’s. Is this a 20-year problem or a 55-year problem?”

I had to sit with that for a while and really consider her wise words. I’m nearly 69 years old…not OLD, but certainly getting in the general neighborhood. I don’t have 50+ years to worry about stuff. Ok, this disease can leach calcium from my bones and make them more brittle. That’s certainly important…but it’s not life threatening. The rest of the side effects from hyperparathyroidism are mainly quality of life issues…pain, hair loss, acid reflux. Heck, none of us are going to escape this life without some ramifications of age. Let’s weigh the checks and balances.

Yes, it would have been wonderful if this surgeon could have found my errant parathyroid glands and cured me. But every time you cut into the neck, you are risking very serious complications…namely paralyzing the vocal cords. Paralyze one side and you are left with a defect in you voice…anything from hoarseness to a whisper. Paralyze BOTH vocal cords and you cannot swallow and you’ll need a permanent tracheostomy. Neither of those things sound like something I’m willing to mess with.

My surgeon even considered removing my thyroid completely in an effort to cure me, but there were reasons he decided not to. First, I would have had to take thyroid medication for the rest of my life. Second, the vocal cord nerves were firmly stuck to my thyroid. Too risky to remove. He did a very careful search for those glands, clearing out scar tissue and fatty tissue, and he just couldn’t find them.

So, I’ve elected the 20-year plan. We’ll check my Vitamin D. Very low Vitamin D can elevate the parathyroid hormones and raise the calcium. We’ll try boosting my Vitamin D level in an attempt to bring the other numbers down. I’ll practice great care to keep from falling and breaking anything. I’ve started taking Celebrex and a muscle relaxant and that has done a good job keeping my pain level manageable. And, so what if my hair falls out more than I’d like? I’m not doing a photo shoot for Vogue anytime soon.

I can’t tell you how much this shift in my mindset has changed how I’m feeling about this whole situation. And isn’t that an answer to prayer? I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. Hopefully I have 20 good years to look forward to. I’ll be darned if I’m going to look at them as a loss before I’ve even had a change to live them! It’s time to get off the pity train now and get out there and live this precious life I’ve been given. Who’s with me???

❤️

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?””
Hebrews 13:5-6 ESV

Another Long Day

Sun, 06 Feb 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I slept soundly the night after surgery. Still loaded with anesthesia and pain medications, I drifted off at a decent time. It helped that Mr. FixIt was also tired after being my helpmate so it was lights out early for us. I mentioned casually that if I felt better when I awoke yesterday morning, we could possibly go home. I should have known when my sweetheart came in to wake me up, he had plans. Oh, my gosh…I was so sore. I gradually dragged myself out of bed and into the kitchen for a cup of tea.

There sat my Mr. FixIt, waiting expectantly on the corner of the couch, his suitcase packed and sitting on the floor beside him. His hopeful smile told me everything I needed to know. We were going home. I don’t blame him. Hotel furniture is not made to be comfortable, although the bed was divine! Our backs were complaining from sitting on that sofa so much and we both longed for our comfy recliners at home.

I had my breakfast, loaded up on Tylenol and ibuprofen, and packed my bags. Mr. FixIt got us all loaded up and off we went. The roads weren’t bad, but there were places that could be icy, and he knew he was carrying tender cargo, so we took our time getting home. The trees were still encased in ice and the sun made them sparkle like a million diamonds. It was stunning. We stopped and picked Pumpkin up from the kennel and went to Walmart for a prescription and chicken noodle soup. And as soon as we got home, I went to bed and slept for a couple of hours.

My voice is a little deep from the breathing tube. I’m tired and sore. And I headed to bed extraordinarily early. I did manage to knit a few rows on my sweater, both on the drive home, and in the recliner after my nap. But that’s about it. Just taking it slow and easy, resting and recovering. That’s what knitting and naps are for, right?

❄️❤️❄️

“Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”
Proverbs 3:7-8 ESV

The Mindlessness of Television

Fri, 28 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I grew up in Small Town, America in the ‘50s and ‘60s. It was very much the Leave it to Beaver upbringing most of us Boomers experienced. We didn’t have a TV till I was well into grade school. It was mesmerizing. I remember staring at the black and white screen with the snow and the squiggly lines and wondering, “What magic is this???” Mr. Cartoon and Captain Kangaroo and Father Knows Best. I Love Lucy and What’s My Line? and Donna Reed. They soon gave way to American Bandstand and Laugh In and Saturday Night Live.

The television became the centerpiece of modern living. Father with his newspaper and pipe, Mother with her mending basket. The children, sprawled out on the living room floor with a dog, maybe. All watching Ted Mack’s Amateur Hour or Sing Along With Mitch. Lawrence Welk or The Ed Sullivan Show. All after homework and baths were done, of course.

We watched the news with Chet Huntley, David Brinkley, John Cameron Swayze, Edward R. Murrow, John Chancellor, and everybody’s dad…Walter Cronkite. That was when the news was THE NEWS. No spin, just facts. Somewhere along the way, the regulations that governed news programming to be truthful were done away with and our sense of honor was whittled away with it…piece by piece.

But, I digress.

The center of the modern home was a box that started to tell you what you believed in, what you should buy, what you should eat, how you should live. What kind of house, makeup, car, books, movies, vacations….everything you NEEDED…carefully orchestrated and directed by Madison Avenue advertising. It is remarkable how much of it you don’t even realize till you unplug yourself from the tentacles reaching through the screen and into your hearts, your minds, and your wallets.

I didn’t have TV for the five years between my divorce and meeting Mr. Virgo. I didn’t miss it one bit. My life was full and active and fun. For the six-and-a-half years I had Mr. Virgo, the TV became the center of the universe again. I hated it. Except for musical competition shows and historical documentaries, I couldn’t stand it. But, we do things for love, don’t we? I sat alongside my husband, watching the shows. Watching the shows. Not fiddling on my phone or doing cross stitch or filling in the family tree. Watching the shows, so we could discuss the shows during the commercials. Did I say I hated TV? Oy.

Then, he was gone. And the TV was soon gone, as well. The quiet was jarring after the years of daily cacophony streaming out of the expensive sound system we had to have to make the Civil War scenes come to life in our living room. I didn’t miss the TV. I missed the man.

Five years passed with no TV. Then I married Mr. FixIt. Ever so slowly, TV crept back into my life…it’s insidious lure tearing at my resolve. I will say, it’s easier to stay away from the TV in the summer. There’s just too much to do outside to sit and watch mindless television. But it more difficult in the winter. If I’m going to sit and knit in the family room, Mr. FixIt is going to have the TV going. I will admit, I like the silly game shows like America Says and Family Feud. I really enjoy Andy Griffith reruns. And who doesn’t laugh at the crazy antics of Niles and Frazier Crane?

We watch the news at noon and again during the dinner hour. Then we catch two episodes of Big Bang Theory and I’m done. I gather my phone, kiss my sweetheart on the top of his very cute head, and head to the back bedroom to write. We drove up to Columbus yesterday for my preop medical appointments today. It’s harder to get away from the television in a hotel room. This time I remembered to bring my rechargeable Bluetooth headphones and I listened to my “writing soundtrack”…an eighty minute recording of a roaring fire with rain and thunder in the background. He can watch anything his little heart desires and I’m off on some mountain in the woods, happy as a little clam.

My sweetheart has a major birthday next week. When we were discussing the number the other day, we both marveled that we’ve actually lived this long. His parent’s died young…from the fallout of the ‘50s. Smoking. We both are kind of amazed we’re still here. And pretty darned happy about it, I must say. We still won’t go into a restaurant and eat a meal. We haven’t done that in two whole years. So, we’re going to order a lovely meal and enjoy it at the hotel tonight. It ought to taste pretty darned good after a long day at the hospital.

I’m almost finished with the third pair of socks and can start the sweater. I brought the yarn for that project so I can work on it if I finish the last sock. Seven more sleeps and I can get the surgery behind me!

❄️?❄️

“But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day.”
2 Peter 3:8 NLT

The Politics of Death in a Digital Age

Wed, 26 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

I didn’t know Bub personally. I’d never spoken to him. I didn’t know his last name or where he lived or if he had a family. All I knew of this scruffy-bearded man in the Hoss Cartwright Stetson was the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled and tipped his brim when you drove by. The way he held the measuring rod in his hand, leaning on it like the staff of Moses, as he stood by the open manhole cover. Bub’s work brought him into the eyes of countless drivers over the years as we passed by the crew he worked with.

I was scrolling through Facebook yesterday and there was his picture in a post with the caption, “So Long, Santa Bub.” He’d been such a fixture of my forty years in the Glenwood Springs area, I guess I expected him to just always be there. Like the Hot Springs Pool and Doc Holiday’s Grave. Enduring and iconic. And now, he was gone like so many others we have lost in the last couple of years.

I think death is striking so much closer to home since the pandemic started two years ago. Even if it doesn’t hit our inner circle, it’s omnipresence has been overwhelming. We’ve kind of gotten numb to the weekly announcements, either on the national or local news or on our social media newsfeeds. Along with becoming numb, some have become somewhat complacent in the social mores surrounding acceptable ways of announcing someone’s death.

When we lost one of my dearest friends and fellow classmates last month, a well meaning person posted on our class page the “RIP, dear friend” post we have all become accustomed to seeing of late. I took issue with this because, I knew for a fact it hadn’t been more than a handful of hours since our friend was discovered unresponsive in her home and her only grandchild had not been informed. Since I am one of the administrators of our class page, I removed the post at once and made a post of my own. “Out of deference to the family, we aren’t talking about this till we are sure everyone is informed and the family has announced the loss themselves.”

When I lost Mr. Virgo, I can’t remember how long it took me to gather enough strength to write a post on FB telling our friends and more distant family that he was gone. I know it was at least one day…and it might have been two. I was in shock. I will tell you this, though…if I opened Facebook to make that horribly painful announcement and saw where one of his friends from high school had beat me to the punch, I would have been devastated. It isn’t anyone’s place but the family’s or their personal representative to make such a sensitive initial announcement.

I had every intention of going on the class page after a reasonable amount of time had passed after our friend died in December to write some guidelines on how and when to share with the group that we had lost another classmate. You know how time gets away from you after the holidays and especially after losing someone so close to you. I didn’t get around to writing it. Then we lost another classmate. And, just as had happened before, someone posted an announcement before the family could do so.

I removed the post and sent a private message to the person posting, explaining why. It’s stirred up some conversation, and as you may imagine, some controversy. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt. I don’t want to think that some folks just want to show everyone they are “in the know” by being the first to share news. I prefer to think they just aren’t aware of protocols or have become desensitized by the constant barrage of death we’ve been subjected to during the pandemic.

We are “of a certain age”, my classmates and I. And, dare I say, many of you are as well. We must never be in a rush to share the news on social media of someone’s passing. Instead, we must always be respectful of the family’s privacy and be sensitive to their needs. No one…NO ONE wants to find out for the first time on social media that someone they love has died. There was a time when we didn’t really have to tell people this. Those who needed to know were called personally. Then, the circle went ever wider as the news spread to others further out from the inner circle. Only then did we read an obituary in the local newspaper. Now, we have this tool that can instantly spread news like wildfire and we have to remember….think twice. Do a little searching to see if the family has said anything on their social media pages. Check the online newspapers, the local news station, and the local mortuaries to see if there has been a formal announcement. If, after 36-48 hours have passed, you might share the news in private groups like our class page. But, please…don’t be that person who rushes to “be the first” to share such a sensitive and personal event as the death of your high school chum.

❄️?❄️

““Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.”
Matthew 7:12 NLT

Happy Winter Birds!

Tue, 25 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

Being one who doesn’t care for winter, I have to look hard to find the beauty. When you find the beauty, you find the good. And when you find the GOOD, you find GOD! (Thanks for the reminder, Sue!) All around us, the world is frosted and sparkly. And even if it’s wet and grey, the stark contrasts reflect the rest we find in this season. The trees rest. The animals rest. Everything seems to rest…save for the birds.

The birds are busy from sunup to sundown…searching for food. They seem to play a never ending game of hide and seek among the naked branches of our forsythia and flowering quince. The swoop in to rest on the fence line or rummage around on the ground for the leavings tossed aside by the more persnickety titmice and blue jays. I love the brilliant flashes of crimson when the cardinals flit back and forth from the protection of the trees to the more open and vulnerable landings on the feeders.

Mr. FixIt and I love the birds. He added two more feeders this winter so we can attract even more. He is diligent about filling them. We especially love the one in the picture window in our family room. It is clear plexiglass and attaches to the window with suction cups. It allows us to stand very still and watch the birds up close. When we are sitting in our recliners, we can hear them fly in and peck, peck, peck on the bottom. It makes us smile.

Birds offer bright spots of joy in the dark, dismal days of winter. And they remind us not to be anxious about anything. The birds don’t fret about anything. Their every need is fulfilled by their Creator. (Supplemented by the kindness and generosity of His children.) Birds remind us that God will take care us our needs, as well. There’s no need to fret about what we will eat or what we will wear. The Bible reminds us that worry won’t add one hour to our lives.

My new yarn and one of the knitting needles I will need for my sweater arrived yesterday. The hardest thing I will have to do this week is to finish knitting the second sock of this pair instead of setting it aside and starting on the sweater. It takes discipline, let me tell you. Because my little Gemini self would be tickled pink picking up the new project. Then who knows when…or IF…I would ever get back to the socks.

This is a new behavior for me and it has become a focus for me this year. When I finish the sock, I’ll lay out all the things I’ve knitted since the first of December (minus those things I gave as Christmas gifts.) I have friends who take pictures of all their projects, who they made them for, the name of the pattern and what materials they used, when they started it and when they finished. I have the first step down pat. I take the pictures.

We do have to run to town today. As I am writing this, it is misty raining after snowing all afternoon. Our appointment isn’t until 11:00 so I’m hoping the roads will just be wet by that time. If not, we may have to reschedule for another day. I really don’t like driving this road when it’s slick out. It would be one thing if I had studded snow tires on my truck, but that is not the case here. I used to have them every year in Colorado but here? They laugh at you because it doesn’t snow that much. Of course, the studded snow tires don’t help at all on ice and we get more of that here than snow packed roads.

I’ll need to make a batch of broccoli cheese soup this afternoon to warm us up after venturing out. What are some of your favorite comfort foods for cold and snowy days?

❄️?❄️

“The stormy wind comes from its chamber, and the driving winds bring the cold. God’s breath sends the ice, freezing wide expanses of water.”
Job 37:9-10 NLT

Always Be Prepared

Wed, 19 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

While I was only a Brownie Scout for one year of my life, I forever held to the tenet learned at our very first meeting…Always Be Prepared. I probably took that to the nth degree over time as I tried to imagine every possible outcome to every possible situation. I had an aunt that trained me to do that and it has been a lifelong struggle to let go of the illusion of control. We aren’t clairvoyant, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be a “good scout” and do our best to be prepared for those situations we have some control over…like stocking up with the supplies we need.

Last month, I was lucky enough to come across a small pharmacy in the medical office building where my doctor’s office is located. I buy a particular brand of CBD lotion there that Mr. FixIt uses on his back and hands and he swears it helps with his arthritis. As I was checking out, I noticed some at-home Covid testing kits and picked up a couple. We haven’t used them yet, but having them available gives us some comfort. It’s not always convenient or easy to get to a testing site when you live in the country, and with the omicron variant being so incredibly contagious, it’s best to be prepared.

The US Government is now providing four at-home testing kits per household. The website went live yesterday and we ordered our allotment online. Very quick and easy. You can order your free tests at https://www.covidtests.gov/ and they should arrived in no more than twelve days. Testing before anticipated gatherings, wearing masks (N95’s or double surgical), good hand washing techniques and hand sanitizer, social distancing, attempting to gather out of doors or with windows open, and getting vaccinated are our best tools to stay healthy and try to knock down this virus.

The last I heard, my girls are doing much better and my brother hardly had any symptoms. I am so grateful for the vaccines. My daughter has asthma and my brother is extremely high risk. Without the vaccines, I could quite possibly be telling you an entirely different story. The fact that there are breakthrough infections is not an indicator that the vaccines don’t work. Quite the opposite. No one said the vaccine would provide complete immunity. The vaccines provide enough immunity to hopefully keep us from getting a deadly case if we do get a breakthrough infection.

I just started a Bible study on the 23rd Psalm. “The Lord is my Shepherd. I have everything I need.” I am given everything I need. I prayed for vaccines as soon as the pandemic began. My scientific training and my Faith are not at odds. God does not call the equipped…He equips the called. Medical Scientists have been gifted with the know-how to produce cures for diseases. I choose to be vaccinated and use healthy precautions to protect myself and others. I encourage others to do the same. There have been enough vaccines give at this point to demonstrate their safety and efficacy.

I pray for this world…especially in these times. I pray for those healthcare providers who are totally overwhelmed with Covid patients. We’re all tired of this. I get it. I am ever hopeful that things are beginning to take a turn in this pandemic and we can all have brighter days ahead. My heart breaks for those who have lost loved ones to this disease. I read an article yesterday that said families have started hiding the fact their loved one died of Covid. When you ask a family member if their loved one was vaccinated, you aren’t showing empathy toward the ones left with the pain of loss.

I know it’s hard to be empathetic when someone dies and it likely could have been prevented. This is a harsh enough world as it is. Let’s not lose our humanity and caring toward one another by passing judgement on loved ones of the bereaved. Do I think everyone should be vaccinated? Yes…that’s my medical background speaking. But loss is loss and love is the comforting balm we can offer all those families who have lost loved ones in the last couple of years.

““I am the Lord, the God of all the peoples of the world. Is anything too hard for me?”
Jeremiah 32:27 NLT

Let’s Talk Common Sense

Mon, 10 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

If you look around…wherever you live…especially if you’re “of a certain age”, you’re going to scratch your head and think “What the heck happened to common sense???” I don’t know about you, but I shake my head…a LOT! Sometimes I think my eyes are just going to keep on rolling and stay that way.

One of my pet peeves is when you ask your health care provider how to correct something and he/she comes back with a prescription. Lord knows…I don’t need any more prescriptions. I’m trying to thin out some of them I’m taking as it is. I’ll tell you more about that in a minute but I’m going to tackle a somewhat sensitive subject…one that now seems to have lots of commercials representing “cures”. Let’s talk…irregularity.

Come on…every body poos. And the healthier it is, the better you are going to feel. What’s that one commercial call it…crankypated? Pretty good description. It seems the older I get, the more that going becomes not going and that causes all kinds of problems. One of the really fun side effects of hyperparathyroidism can be constipation. I mentioned this to my endocrinologist and he ordered lactulose. It is a sugar that gloms onto fluid and forces it into the stool. Ok, that’s one way to do it, but I only tried it once and it was pretty harsh. (Shubs…I’m sending the rest your way!)

My grandparents drank prune juice to stay regular. I’ve eaten a couple prunes a day without seeing grand, lasting results. Not that they aren’t good…but I just don’t think of grabbing a handful. And prune juice? Ummmm…no, thanks. I’ve tried Metamucil and stool softeners with mixed results. Then, I remembered the “Activia Challenge” commercial. Hey...I love yoghurt! One little cup every night for dessert? Yes, please!

I am happy to report, after just five days having this little taste treat every evening and things are right as rain again! It is because of the probiotics added to the yoghurt. Our gut biome gets all wonky for a lot of different reasons. When you have to take an antibiotic, it can mess with the bacterial balance in your gut. Certain medications and medical conditions cause constipation. We drink less water as we get older and that contributes. We eat less green, leafy vegetables and fruits like whole apples and prunes.

Another problem I’ve had for the last several years is acid reflux…commonly referred to in medical circles as GERD. I’ve had upper endoscopies and colonoscopies and, even on a strong prescription acid reducer, I still had gastritis the last time. The doctor bumped me up to the strongest dose I could take and it still didn’t make much difference. Add to that…GERD is one of the major symptoms of hyperparathyroidism, so I’ve got a double whammy.

When Mr. Virgo died, I needed a little help with my mood so I started taking the St. John’s Wort regularly. When I was in Florida having my parathyroid surgery in March, the PA was going through my pre-op physical and asking me what medications I take. I was on antidepressants for years and I don’t ever want to take them again if I can avoid it. I figured, if I could take something natural that would work, then that’s what I’d rather do…hence, the St. John’s Wort. She said something about being very careful with that particular supplement because it can have a strong interactions with certain medications. I not only promptly forgot what medication she mentioned, but that she had issued the warning in the first place. It only recently came back to me. (Memory is funny that way, isn’t it?)

Anyway, the other night I looked up on WebMD and saw they have a medication interaction calculator. You put in your medications and it tells you if any of them interact poorly. I wanted to find out which one the St. John’s Wort was messing up. Well, would you believe it was the acid reducer? It reduces the effectiveness. And here I’ve been doctoring for this burning in the pit of my stomach, taking the strongest medicine I could take…for YEARS, and not getting any relief. I’ve weaned off the St. John’s Wort now and I can already feel a difference in my stomach…it’s not burning like it used to. Eureka!

This is when we circle back to “common sense”. Sometimes you just have to take a step back, do a little research, and be your own best advocate in the medical community. They are trained to fix things and their tools are often medicine. You can rest assured, they don’t get kickbacks from the drug companies like they used to. That’s how some people end up in their old age taking a shoebox full of pills every day prescribed by a handful of different doctors.

I’m here to tell you…I was married to a doctor. For twenty years. And he was darned good at what he did. But…he put his boots on one at a time, just like everyone else. Doctors are not God. And medicine is not an exact science. While anyone with that kind of education and professional status commands a certain amount of respect, it should never come at the cost of you not questioning something. If they push pills, ask if there’s an alternative. Tell them you aren’t an avid pill popper and see if there’s some other natural, healthy way to fix your problem.

My Aunt Peeps was in her 80’s when she died of dementia and untreated (by choice) breast cancer. My cousin was sitting with her in the hospital one day when the doctor asked her what medicine she took. The answer shocked him. One small prescription…period. No vitamins. No supplements. Nothing over the counter except maybe an aspirin or acetaminophen from time to time. She never bought anything fancy for her skin. She washed her face with a washcloth and whatever bar soap was available. She used Prell shampoo and Crest toothpaste, because that’s what her mother used. She stayed away from doctors at all costs save for the two times she broke her hips. (She actually fell on the ice and broke her wrist once but never went in to have it set. It was always crooked after that.)

In contrast, when I called my mom every Sunday night, I received the rundown on how many doctor’s appointments they were going to every week and which antibiotic they were currently taking. Doctors were gods in her house. You never, ever questioned them. But I’m here to tell you, you’ve GOT to question them. In a non-confrontational manner, of course. But don’t just take everything they say as the gospel. Write down your questions. Be sure you leave enough time in your appointment to feel free to ask your health care professional to answer them.

So, there’s my TED Talk for the night. Poop and prescriptions. Don’t be afraid to ask and get your questions answered.

“If you become wise, you will be the one to benefit. If you scorn wisdom, you will be the one to suffer.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭9:12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

My iPad is Getting Smarter

Sat, 08 Jan 2022 02:30:00 -0600

We’ve come a long way, baby!

Every evening, I head to the back bedroom between 8:00 and 8:30 to write my posts. This is because…The Big Bang reruns are over for the night, and Mr. FixIt is ready to watch some detective drama. Not my cup of tea. This works for us. I’m always finished writing around 10:30 or 11:00 and I chat with my son-in-law’s mom for forty-five minutes or so to catch up with what’s going on in Colorado. By the time we are wrapping it up for the night, Mr. FixIt heads to bed and we watch some funny video or another for a little while, leaving the day on a note of laughter.

I noticed last night, when I settled in to write, there was a notification along the top of the lock screen on my iPad that said, “Open Pages - based on your location in your home”. I’m not surprised by this. Electronic devices are designed to make our lives easier. My iPhone tells me where I parked. I get in my truck and, based on the precise location by GPS, my phone turns to “Driving Focus”. Text notifications are interrupted and an automated reply is sent to the person texting, telling them that I am driving and using “Do Not Disturb. Send a repeat text if it’s an emergency.”

Still…this is all so “Jetsons” to this Baby Boomer. Remember Dick Tracy’s wrist watch that he communicated through? We’re here now. I remember when I bought our first home computer when Daughter #1 was in…what? Eighth or ninth grade? Hubby #2 thought it was absolutely ridiculous and extravagant…kids were never going to need home computers! When the salesman was showing me how to use it, he commented that someday, women would carry computers a thousand times more powerful that this…in their handbags. Get…out! How could that be?

The very first flip phone had more computer capabilities than the Lunar Landing Module. Think about that for a second. While we still don’t have personal jet packs, they’re building cars that drive autonomously. I’m a forward thinker. I love innovation and all things geeky. But I don’t know about driving with no hands. It’s one thing on a bicycle. It’s something else on an interstate with a ton of steel and plastic hurtling down the highway on its own.

There are really good things that come with innovation. When I was a Diabetes Educator, self blood glucose monitoring was a new thing. I was invited to participate on an Advisory Board for LifeScan…later bought out by Johnson & Johnson…to design the next generation meter. It’s been fun to see those innovations we suggested in the mid-‘80s come to fruition along the way. But one idea eluded scientists for a long time. The sensor that you stick to your skin and it reads your blood sugar in real time…anytime, day or night…without sticking your finger. When I saw that on a commercial in the last year or so, I beamed. We thought of that…and, there it is!

Electronic banking, automatic bill pay, instant messaging, Zoom meetings, FaceTime, online shopping…all things that have made the “Pandemic Era” more tolerable. Innovations arrive at what seems like lightning speed now. Online gambling…not so good. Cryptocurrency? Holy cats…how do they “mine” money out of thin air? How can it be worth something if you can’t touch it? Those of us who lived through the bursting of the internet bubble and the real estate collapse may have a little bit of trouble trusting such things.

That’s the thing, isn’t it? We have SO much information thrown at us in a constant stream of data, our brains can’t keep up. It affects every part of life…not just technology. Things we actually saw and heard…with our own eyes and ears…just one year ago are now being denied by the people who did the things and said the stuff. It’s almost as if…there isn’t an electronic record…video and audio recordings of them actually SAYING and DOING it. We aren’t stupid people. We are often…misled. It’s kind of like a magician’s trick. The hand is quicker than the eye. And, any time we get too close to figuring out the trick…there’s a diversion. They’re banking on us forgetting. Or being so overwhelmed, we just don’t care anymore.

It’s easy to be lulled into complacency when new innovations and new information and new technology is presented. I don’t think we can afford to close our eyes and ears and bury our heads in the sand. I come from the generation to whom the directive…Question Authority…was our buzzword. “Critical Thinking 101” should be added to the buzzwords of the 21st Century. I try to use my faith as a measuring stick and look critically at those who deliver information and compare them to the ways of Jesus instead of just accepting what the world is telling me.

In the meantime, my iPad knows when it’s time to write. Now…when it starts bringing me tea and cookies, I’ll be happy.

“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”
Romans 12:1-2 MSG

A Self Care Christmas

Sun, 26 Dec 2021 02:30:00 -0600

I did what I promised myself I would do yesterday. I got up and fixed breakfast. We opened our little gifts to each other. I got Mr. FixIt a reaching tool with a magnet and a light on one end so he can pick things up off the ground when he’s working. I also got him a movie that he mentioned he liked…”Secondhand Lions”. He bought me a sturdy camping table and a beautiful pale pink cashmere sweater. I think he spoiled me. We both loved our gifts. We have to count the new camper, the cell phones, and a new set of pots and pans that were purchased in the months leading up to the holidays. That’s why we went slim on the gifting.

I took a nap in the afternoon and then started a big batch of chili in the slow cooker. We picked up around the house and vacuumed. I wrapped presents. And the only thing I’ll have to do this morning is make the cinnamon rolls for our Christmas gathering with some of my bonus family this afternoon.

I went ahead and bought some more of that cotton yarn I like for knitting dishcloths. I like to sit and knit something mindless that I don’t have to count stitches or rows or try to keep on a pattern. I have plenty of sock yarn but that’s not what I’m into right now. I need something easy that reduces stress, not add to it. I received a beautiful gift on Friday from one of my dearest friends. We camp together and I am forever borrowing knitting needles to work on something different at the campground. So, for Christmas, she sent me a whole set of circular needles and two skeins of sock yarn tucked in a gift sack she made herself. She is amazing. She has ten kids and umpteen grandkids and renovates houses and helps with the family and does stuff for everyone. She’s one of the most selfless people I know. And she took the time to make the gift sack. I love her dearly.

I started out the day feeling poorly again, but by the afternoon, I was fine again. I’d swear, if I didn’t know better, I’d think I was pregnant! Thank you God that those days are long behind me. Maybe it’s a bug that’s been going around. Maybe it’s stress. I’m reading a couple of wonderful devotionals that are really helping. They’re called “10 Days of Defeating Anxiety” and “Grace? What’s That?: Devotions from Time of Grace. They remind me to take every thought captive and hand them to God. He loves me unconditionally, no matter what I’ve done or how many times I make mistakes. I can rest in that. I don’t have to control everything because I can’t. I don’t have to worry about tomorrow because there’s enough to worry about today.

I’ve been fixating on a couple of events that are coming up. Mr. FixIt has an appointment with an eye specialist. I’m sure he’s fine and anything that needs to be done will be a simple fix. But…he’s my boo and I worry. Then Thursday I have that procedure where they do venous sampling to try to locate these lost parathyroid glands. It’s done like a cardiac cath where they run a wire up into the veins in my neck and chest and take blood samples in various areas. Then they’ll test them for PTH and hopefully they can find the drainage from the offending gland so we can locate it and get it out of there. The procedure takes about four hours, laying on your back on an x-ray table. And, I’ll be mostly awake so I can follow directions.

I’m trying not to let it freak me out, but medical things trigger my PTSD. I know this is a lot of personal information I share here. But, I also know, a lot of other people have these same feelings and they have no one to tell them they aren’t alone. Many times you all have said I speak the things you are thinking but don’t have the words for. It’s a really vulnerable thing to share like I do. And sometimes it’s scary. I just know that God gave me this ministry for a reason and that’s to inform, comfort, enlighten, and share my experiences as they have affected me so you know you aren’t weird for thinking or feeling this or that.

I know the ride has been a little bumpy the last couple of weeks. Thanks for hanging in there with me. You have no idea what a comfort you all are to me. Because, I learn I’M not alone either. I hope you had as good a Christmas as you could have. I know there are some who are hurting this year and it was the worst ever. Please know my heart is with you.

❄️

““Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
Matthew 6:34 ESV

Beyond the Absurd - Birds Aren’t Real

Mon, 13 Dec 2021 02:50:00 -0600

For those of us who are “of a certain age”, we recall hearing about something absurd called “The War of the Worlds”. On October 30, 1938, Orson Welles’ Mercury Theater Company broadcast a live radio show…an update of H.G. Welles’ book of the same name. They announced it for what it was at the beginning of the programming hour. But most people were finishing listening to Edgar Bergen and his ventriloquist act with the dummy, “Charlie McCarthy”. When they switched stations at about 8:12PM, “The War of the Worlds” was heating up and it sounded real to those tuning in. By this time, sound thinking, logical minded people believed we were under attack by Martians. While there was no lasting damage, and no laws were found to be broken, the networks made an agreement with the FCC to be more careful in the future with such programming.

The Philadelphia Experiment of 1943 saw the US Government allegedly trying to make a US battleship go invisible. The conspiracy had the government making a destroyer “teleport” from Philadelphia to Norfolk, VA. It has been officially declared a hoax, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t people who still believe it happened.

Flash forward to the incident at Roswell in the summer of 1947, not quite a decade later. A farmer found a piece of unidentifiable debris in his field and a whole industry was created surrounding the alleged coverup that followed. To this day, there are people trying to figure out exactly what happened at Area 51 and “where the alien bodies and spacecraft are actually being held.” Are there other intelligent civilizations out there? Could be. But Roswell will never be the same little dusty hole in the wall.

From Atlantis to The Shroud of Turin to who killed JFK, the world has been intrigued, and often times convinced to believe in outrageous conspiracy theories. The age of the Internet is…unfortunately…an excellent breeding ground for these hoaxes. Computer-aided graphics mixed with gullibility breathes life into things that are nothing more than science fiction on crack. Add the fact that we really don’t have to practice critical thinking anymore. Google is right there at everyone’s fingertips. We don’t have to remember or memorize or think. We can just ask. And, there are nefarious players ready to fill your eyes and ears with garbage.

There was a time in the early days of the internet when something like the QAnonCult would have been shredded and revealed as the real fake news that it is. There is something called Occam’s razor. The Encyclopedia Britannica defines it as “a principle of theory construction or evaluation according to which, other things equal, explanations that posit fewer entities, or fewer kinds of entities, are to be preferred to explanations that posit more.” To put it more simply, when Dr. Arroway (played by Jodie Foster in the movie Contact) was asked, “Do you know what Occum’s razor is?” She replies, “Yes, it’s the scientific principle that, all things being equal, the simplest answer is usually the right one.” Brilliant. Deductive Reasoning 101.

So, when Q says that the world is being controlled by an elite cabal of child-trafficking Democrats, I think we can safely say “that’s a load of horse hockey” to quote Col. Potter on MASH. These predictions and convoluted fairytales have hoodwinked an entire segment of the population. Whether you believe it or not is not the point here…although, I do hope you don’t ascribe to such things. What I’m here to tell you about is Gen-Z’s tongue-in-cheek parody of today’s conspiracy theorists. And they’ve called it…

Birds Aren’t Real.

They posit that birds do not exist and that they are all government drone replicas made to spy on Americans. According to a recent article in the New York Times by Taylor Lorentz, hundreds of thousands of young people are joining the fight against what is the REAL fake news by creating their own absurd conspiracy. They KNOW birds are real. They just want people to see how absolutely ridiculous these conspiracy theories have gotten and to put on your thinking caps and use some sense. I think it’s a creative way to fight fire with fire and bring the world back into a place where real truth means something again. To fight against the anger and hate that are tools used by the fearful. And where oligarchs who prey on our fears and manipulate us to destroy ourselves from within are exposed for the charlatans they are. We are better than this. We need more Coke commercials teaching the world to sing. We need more children to be taught critical thinking in school.

I was watching The Voice last week and one of the acts in the top five is a sibling group called Girl Named Tom. As I sat and listened to their tight harmonies, I thought to myself…this! This is from God. This is beauty and this is real. We need more and more and more of this beautiful harmonious music. We need more God…more spirit filled goodness…more nature. We need to take care of our earth home because this is the only one we have. Instead of gazillionaires flying rocket ships of wealthy tourists on a ten minute joyride up in space (and avoiding taxes along the way)…instead of trying to figure out how to live on Mars…maybe they could throw some of that money at the world we already have and try to fix it.

Wouldn’t that be a wonderful Christmas gift to us all?

Peace on Earth…Good Will to ALL people!

❄️

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
John 14:27 ESV

Ain’t it Good to Be Back Home Again!

Sat, 04 Dec 2021 02:30:00 -0600

*che-wink* *che-wink* *che-wink*

I opened my eyes and listened to the cheery *che-wink* of an Eastern Towhee rummaging around in the leaves and lower branches of the flowering quince on the creek bank outside the open window. Yes…it was cold. But I had a pile of blankets on me and slept like a stone in the chilly air coming down the holler. I stretched and opened my eyes, rolling over and squinting without my glasses, trying to catch a glimpse of the beautiful bird with the black jacket and russet vest. I saw a flash of the showy “V” of black and white on his tail feathers as he fluttered off to another resting place.

As I laid there, gazing up at the ceiling, I took stock of what was hurting today. This parathyroid thing makes pain of some level a nearly every day ordeal. It’s just something I deal with and pray they can fix when they find and remove the offending glands. What I was most interested in yesterday was how my back felt. I was disappointed that it was more sore than the day before. Time to give in and see someone about it.

I made an appointment with the chiropractor for the afternoon and started gathering up my things to leave the farm once again. My sweet husband called to check in. He was on his way to pick up a deer someone gave his daughter. She had a full day of work ahead of her cutting up and packaging the meat for the freezer. He also drove all over town trying to find a new Christmas Angel tree topper. The lights finally went out in ours and it couldn’t be fixed, but…after a good twenty years of service, it was time to get a new one.

Mr. FixIt went to every store in town and finally found one. He tried to find an outlet in the store to plug it in but there wasn’t one to be had. So, he brought her home and hoped for the best. He plugged her in last night and we neither one liked her. This wasn’t a “well, maybe she’ll grow on us” thing. This was oh, heck no. She had colored lights, where we wanted white. Not only was she multi-colored, the lights changed colors every two seconds. You couldn’t even see the angel…just the lights. And she had fiber optics which for some odd reason just gives me the creeps. It’s like a hairy spider or caterpillar to me.

Since this was the only one to be found in town, we resorted to the internet and found one from Penney’s. She’s exactly what we both were looking for. She won’t be here until well after the tree is decorated so the old gal can keep her place of honor til the new angel shows up. Mr. FixIt moved the furniture out of the way while I was at the farm so we can set up the tree in front of the living room windows.

The chiropractor did x-rays and gave me a gentle adjustment. A lot of icing over the weekend and I’ll see him again Monday. He smiled as I left and said, “We can fix this.” That is always reassuring. I told him we need to because I’m a busy woman and I have stuff to do!

I’m really looking forward to setting the tree up today. I have so many wonderful ornaments that bring back warm memories. Some belonged to my parents, a couple to my grandparents. There are several I collected over the years at my friend Judy’s epic Christmas ornament exchange parties. Some I made myself. Some were gifts. And there are the special hand painted Ne Qwa ornaments I’ve been collecting for the last fifteen years. I am always so happy to see the decorations every year. It’s like running into old friends on the street and telling a story of how we met.

Hopefully I’ll have beautiful pictures to show you tomorrow. I took today’s snap of the barn out at the farm yesterday as I was heading to my truck. I love the way the naked fingers of the tree are reaching up for that azure sky. I love the weathered wood of the barn and old smoke house. I love the carpet of leaves the color of a well worn saddle. Everything about that farm is enchanting to me. This was just another example. I’ll be back again!

❄️

“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.”
Psalm 8:3-5 ESV

Selling my Firstborn for an iPhone

Sun, 21 Nov 2021 02:30:00 -0600

Where the magic happens…the camera on the iPhone 13 Pro Max

So, we went to town yesterday and got new cell phones. Mr. FixIt didn’t even HAVE a cell phone till his work finally insisted on it. Then, he relied on a flip phone and only used it for the rare phone call. He did try to take pictures on it. Remember that? You had a teeny tiny little screen to look at. I suppose we downloaded them onto our computers, but the resolution was so poor, you could hardly tell what or who was in the photo.

When I came along, I pulled Mr. FixIt kicking into the technological age of smartphones…something he vowed he had absolutely NO use for. Except…I travel a lot, and I was headed to Colorado for a month. We were a pretty new item and we wanted to FaceTime with each other, so I talked him into getting an iPhone. Now…if I would have been with him, he would have had one with an adequate size memory. As it was, he purchased the smallest one he could get and before a year was out, he had the memory full to the point he had to delete things in order to take pictures. Not to mention the thing hadn’t been updated in three years because…there was not enough memory.

He still doesn’t need the fanciest, but I did have him get a phone with four times the memory in it and the camera is going to blow him away. For a man who never used a phone much, he’s now an avid news and facebook scrolling, picture taking, checkers playing aficionado now! I’ve created a monster! lol

I, however, use my phone…a LOT. Mostly for photos for this blog and doing research as I write on my iPad. I started drooling over the photos people are producing on the iPhone 13 Pro, and once you get into that range, you might as well spring the extra and get the bigger screen. My eyesight isn’t exactly improving as I age.

I look at my phone now as a computer. I rarely use my laptop and desktop computers anymore. My phone and my iPad are my office, so I justify the upgrade as improving my efficiency and the content you see here. I can’t wait to share new and improved photographs with you!

“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

The Coffee Divas and the DMV

Sat, 13 Nov 2021 02:30:00 -0600

We had errands to run yesterday. Quite often, Mr. FixIt and I are in the minority when it comes to mask wearing in our little corner of West Virginia. We went in the garage to pick up my truck. No one was wearing a mask. We went into the bank to put our change in the cash machine. No one in the bank was wearing a mask. We went in separate directions from there and I headed to the DMV. I was one of four people wearing masks. FOUR! The place was busy but we were able to maintain some social distance.

People often look at us funny for wearing masks. Sometimes they even say something designed to make us feel stupid for being concerned. “You’re still WEARING those? I haven’t worn one for ages!” My answer is always the same. “Yes. We are still wearing them. It has been great to not even have so much as a sniffle.” What’s more, if they came out tomorrow and said, “The pandemic is over…you can go without masks everywhere” we’d still wear them in crowded areas. Especially during cold and flu season.

The DMV was disappointing…again. The Bill of Sale we got when we bought the new camper didn’t have the VIN number of our trade in. And without that, I cannot get credit for having already paid taxes on it. Now we have to get a new Bill of Sale and make another trip to the DMV. It’s always something, isn’t it? I stopped at Walmart and had my tires rotated. You know…those little jobs that you just have to stay up on. Some days I’m just not into “adulting”.

Today is going to be MUCH more fun, though. It’s the first time since July that the girls from our high school class are gathering for coffee. I’ve really missed them! It’s going to get cold again today with a high of 44. It’s sweater and leggings weather and I really love that! As I drove home from town yesterday, the sun was inching closer to the western horizon and the light has that magical golden quality that I love. The trees have taken on deeper, richer colors now. There are shades of honey and butterscotch, burgundy and bronze, and a rich brown like the supple leather of a fine quality men’s bomber jacket.

After so much rain Thursday night, I would have sworn the leaves would all be gone by morning. Instead…it was breathtaking. We are trying to decide if we are having a Thanksgiving Dinner at our house this year or not. We had one Thursday night. My bonus daughter is having one next Saturday. How many do we need? Besides…I’d love to go see my uncle and cousins for Thanksgiving. I’ll need to make my mind up pretty soon, I suppose.

In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy what’s left of the autumn colors and visit with my cohort of “coffee divas”! What are you all up to this weekend???

““I command these things to you, that you may love one another.”
John 15:17 WEB

Three Days - An Update on the POW/MIA Bracelet

Mon, 08 Nov 2021 02:30:00 -0600

That’s all it took. Three days and I tracked down the daughter of Maj. Chambliss M. Chesnutt. One of my readers suggested the website honorstates.org to find information on the soldier whose POW/MIA bracelet I found in a box of stuff I bought at an auction. I went on and saw that his wife had posted there back in 2016. There was no other information available. I did a few Google searches as I found the time. Somehow I found pownetwork.org and there was mention of a story on military.com about a Pensacola woman finding Maj. Chesnutt’s military ID in Vietnam in 2019. I was intrigued.

Jill Hubb’s was looking for her late father’s remains in Vietnam when a Vietnamese man showed her a military ID his father had found 50 years earlier. It took her a while to convince the man to let her have the ID card, but once she made him understand through an interpreter how much it would mean to the soldier’s family, he finally agreed to let it go. The ID turned out to belong to the soldier on my POW/MIA bracelet.

Ms. Hubbs went through the same search I’ve been making. She found the information she was looking for on the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund website called The Wall of Faces. There, she discovered an email address for Maj. Garry Chesnutt, one of Cham’s three children and contacted him. You can read the article here: https://www.military.com/daily-news/2019/09/18/missing-id-card-spent-50-years-vietnam-now-its-coming-home.html

The Wall of Faces is a virtual “wall”, but there are photos and remembrances posted. It was among these that I found a few others who also wore Maj. Chesnutt’s name on their bracelet. It hadn’t occurred to me before this that…of course…there had to have been multiple bracelets with the same name. After all, the originators of the POW/MIA bracelets produced nearly 5,000,000 bracelets by the time the doors closed on VIVA (Voices in Vital America) in 1976. By that time, people were sick of hearing about Vietnam and interest had wained. The sales of the bracelets funded countless stickers, pamphlets, flags and more to bring attention to our missing soldiers. The goal has always been to bring them home or repatriate their remains/belongings. You can read about the history of the POW/MIA bracelets here: https://www.pow-miafamilies.org/history-of-powmia-bracelets.html

You can still order one of these bracelets through the Ohio Chapter MIA/POW for $15. You can also buy flags, stickers, etc. You can download the order form here: https://www.pow-miafamilies.org/uploads/9/1/5/0/91501560/ohio_chapter_order_form_9-24-19.pdf

Mr. Virgo served in Vietnam with the 101st Airborne Division of the United States Army. He told me things about his time there that he’d never told anyone else. I’m very proud of his service. The most emotional part of his funeral was when that young soldier knelt before me and handed me the flag from his coffin.

I emailed Maj. Chesnutt’s daughter yesterday…offering to send her my bracelet. In the post I read from 2017, she said two other women had tracked her down and sent her their bracelets. She said she wears one, and she is saving the other for her kids. If I hear back from her, I’ll let you know.

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”
Isaiah 26:3 ESV

Never Come Between a Girl and her Truck

Sat, 06 Nov 2021 01:30:00 -0600

When I was a single mom in Denver back in the mid to late ‘70’s, I didn’t have a pot to pee in or a window to throw it out of. I was living in HUD housing, supplementing my meager food budget with food from WIC, and occasionally qualifying for Food Stamps. I was poor as a church mouse and trying my best to raise my child alone 1,200 miles from my family. Hubby #1 was out of the service and had moved back to WV after we split for the last time. To say I was struggling was an understatement.

I could have stayed home on welfare. I would have loved the time with my daughter. But I knew that wasn’t the lesson I wanted her to learn. I wanted her to know when the going gets tough, you keep moving onward and upward. You never settle. I was only working part time, which didn’t bring in much money. When I finally found a full-time job, I was so proud of myself. Up to that point, every vehicle I’d had was a “throwaway” that I managed to scrape a few hundred dollars together to buy.

One time, I bought a huge boat of a car from some Iranian dudes for $250. The hood AND the trunk were wired down with coat hangers. There was duct tape in too many places to count. Sometimes the Bendix spring would get stuck and I’d have to get the hammer out that I carried with me all the time and give the starter a few solid whacks to break it loose. Finally, when the power steering and power brakes went out, I limped it into a car dealership and bought my very first semi-decent vehicle…a royal blue Ford Pinto.

Over the years, I’ve still occasionally held onto a junker because I didn’t feel like putting a lot of money or effort into getting a newer vehicle. Then…finally…Hubby #2 finished medical school and residency and joined an established practice. Slowly but surely, our vehicles became newer and more reliable. I’ll never forget the very first brand new car we bought. It was a gorgeous emerald green Honda Accord with tan leather seats. We felt so affluent.

I don’t buy new vehicles anymore. The depreciation when you take them off the lot just hurts too much. I’m happy to buy a three or four year old pickup with lowish miles and call it good. Still, there’s the maintenance issue. When you get into older vehicles, more things go wrong, and they become unreliable. Mr. FixIt is our resident mechanic. He changes the oil and the brake pads and always makes sure things are working as they should.

With the crazy busy year we had, a few maintenance things snuck up on us. Here in West Virginia, vehicles must pass a State Safety Inspection every year in order to drive them on the roads. This is a good thing. Until you know you need new brakes in order to pass the inspection. And, the truck is older and the salt they use on the roads here have taken its toll.

Mr FixIt ordered new brake pads, rotors, and calipers for his truck back in September when we got home from Colorado. Bless his heart. He’s poured his heart into getting the job done between camping and taking me to Columbus for doctor’s appointments. He’s broken old brake lines and had to buy new ones, bending them with a special tool we had to order off Amazon.

Sure, we could have taken the truck in and had the work done, but he did it himself for less than a quarter of what it would have cost, even at a mom and pop garage. Yesterday afternoon he finally finished! I am so proud of him for stubbornly plodding his way through and getting the job done. His job was made more difficult because he had those two small strokes last year. The feeling and dexterity is diminished in his hands and I know it was terribly frustrating for him. When he just couldn’t do something, which wasn’t often, I’d come and hold something for him.

We went to town yesterday to get the tag on both of our trucks because they were due. The inspection is also due, so since we had my truck, we stopped at the garage on our way home to get that finished. And…guess what?

It needs new brakes!

Oy!

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”
James 1:12 ESV

The Queen of Soft Edges

Tue, 02 Nov 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I saw a picture of my friend Jack, sitting in the driveway surrounded by Trick or Treaters. He was in his element. Jack was my daughters’ psychology teacher in high school. He was our neighbor. He is friend to just about everyone he meets. He is a great storyteller. He’s colorful and deep and has an ever present smile. When I commented on the photo, I posted “King Jack, holding court!” He wrote back, “I am the king of soft edges and play, I think.”

I couldn’t agree more.

I got to thinking about that. I am proud to say I am a “Queen of Soft Edges”. I’m posting the accompanying photo to show the difference between then and now and how I got all those soft edges. You may have seen this picture floating around Facebook. It’s a reminder to the girls of today…we may be Boomers, we may be gray, but we were super cool…back in the day.

I mean…look at us. We owned the planet. We acted like it, anyway. Inside, we were more than likely a bowl of jelly…totally unsure of ourselves…all legs and hair and feigned coolness. I don’t know about you, but I had a whole boatload of sharp edges in my young adulthood. I wasn’t always empathetic. I was too often self centered. I had a lot of hurts and hurt people hurt people.

There’s a funny thing about the School of Hard Knocks. If you rap the edges of flint, you get sharp edges that cut like a knife. If you take a piece of marble, you can rap on it and shape it into something it isn’t…a statue…an imitation of something else. But, if you take sandstone, you can chip and nibble and sand away till it’s smooth and soft and lays in your hand gently.

We all go through the School of Hard Knocks to some extent. It’s what you’re made of that determines your outcome. You can change your make up at any time. You can give up being flint and having a cutting edge. You can give being marble and becoming something you aren’t. You can choose to be sandstone…like peachblow,for instance…glowing softly with lovely, smooth edges. Water rolls off. It’s strong enough to build buildings and soft enough to smooth with your hands. I like the idea of being a Queen of Soft Edges…among other things. I love that I am softer now. Life has knocked off most of my sharp edges and I go with the flow a lot easier than I used to.

We arrived safely in Columbus at around 5:00. I was not happy with the hotel I initially booked because it had the doors that open to the outside. I like a interior hallway for safety. I had reserved through the hotel.com app. You can make a reservation without paying up front. I went in and asked to cancel and told them why. The young man behind the desk directed me to a nice hotel just a little ways down the street. It was much better, and once they found out I am a patient oat OSU, they gave me a reduced rate that was better than the other hotel. Free breakfast, I get points for my stay, they gave me a full sheet of restaurants that deliver or have curbside service. We ordered soup and salad from Roosters and it was wonderful and affordable. This will be our go to hotel when I come here for medical services.

It’s supposed to get down to 29 degrees tonight! Time to get the warm jammies and fuzzy slippers out!

“Brothers, do not be children in your thinking. Be infants in evil, but in your thinking be mature.”
1 Corinthians 14:20 ESV

It’s November!

Mon, 01 Nov 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Between the rainstorms of the last week, I’ve finished mowing here on our little slice of heaven. Here’s hoping it’s the last time till next year. Don’t get me wrong…you KNOW how much I love my riding mower, but I tell ya…by this time of year, I’m ready for a break. My bonus son called today and asked his dad to go to the driving range to hit some golf balls, so I was at home alone for a few hours.

I decided to attack the stuff we took out of TOW-Wanda when we hauled her up for the trade in. I bought several big tubs at Sam’s the other day to use for storing camping gear, but I’m determined to only save what we will actually use. In that vein, I sat with a trash can in front of me, going through the baskets and storage tubs I hauled around in that big camper for the last eight years.

There were bits and bobs…things that will come in handy. Connectors, tools, markers that actually still work. There were name tags from several camping events I attended, which brought back some wonderful memories. There were birthday cards, a picture of Daughter #2 in her Halloween costume when she was probably nine or ten, a couple rolls of foil. I whittled down three baskets into one. I put bigger items in the tubs, labeling the lids with their contents to make things easier to find later on. These will all be placed in a storage room downstairs.

The light started to change in late afternoon so I set everything aside and went out with my phone to take some photos of the colors. I love when the light is golden and so are the leaves. It just sets the tone and the hills are ablaze with glorious color. It was so beautiful!

I put Pumpkin kitty in her building early because…you know, a black cat on Halloween. It’s dangerous to leave them outside. Mr. FixIt came home and, not knowing she was in there, opened the garage door to put his golf clubs away. Zip…out she went. He did everything he could do to entice her back inside but she was having none of it. I would have given anything to have a video of him trying to herd a spunky kitty back inside for the night. I went and got her treats and set one down. Here. Here. Here. Till I walked her close enough to the building to pick her up, give her a little scritch behind the ears, and tuck her in for safe keeping…again.

We are heading to Columbus today to stay the night for an early doctor’s appointment tomorrow. This is just a physical exam before they schedule me for the selective parathyroid venous catheterization that’s been ordered. The sestimibi scan was negative. So was the 4D-CT scan. This is the next step. It’s done like a cardiac cath, but the catheter takes random blood samples from different arteries in the neck and chest area. Each sample is labeled for its particular location and the PTH (parathyroid hormone) level is tested.

Ideally, there will be a high level in one artery that indicates the offending parathyroid gland is swimming upstream there. This allows the endocrine surgeon to hone in on the correct area and hopefully remove that bad boy and get this disease over with. Yeah…I’m not real excited about this one, but I can’t ignore this disease. It never goes away on its own and it can knock many years off your life. So I don’t really have a choice. I’ve got the ultimate Healer walking with me every step of the way, guiding the physicians and surgeons to fix me.

I hope you had a beautiful weekend!

???

“And Jesus answered them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.”
Luke 5:31 ESV

WALK STRONG, GINNY!

Thu, 28 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Way back in 2017, one of my readers started sending me comments to WALK STRONG. I loved that. Whenever things would get rough along the way, she’d send me WALK STRONG. It always reminded me to hold my head up, straighten my crown, and remind myself Whose daughter I am. And, every time the enemy starts to plant ideas in my head that maybe I need to stop this whole blog thing and do something else…you all lift me up, dust off my crown, and gently place it back on my head.

Thank you for that.

The last week or two, I was feeling torn by all the negative press coming out about Facebook. And…I have to admit…I was listening to the wrong voice. The one that tears down, not lifts up. The one that condemns, not redeems. It was keeping me awake at night, which in turn was making me extremely grouchy. And you know what that means…when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. I hate being ugly. It’s just not me. It’s not who God wants me to be.

Interestingly, after I wrote yesterday’s post and scheduled it to go live at 4:00AM like I do every day, I kissed my sweetheart goodnight…and said my prayers. I asked God to bring me peace and tell me what to do about my writing. I drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep. I didn’t get up in the night. I didn’t lay there awake for hours with my mind in a whirl. I was out like a light…till 1:00 yesterday afternoon! I slept twelve hours straight. That is absolutely unheard of for me. When I awoke, I was refreshed and at ease. Totally at peace.

I finally got around to opening Facebook and there were all your wonderful, supportive messages…reminding me why I do what I do. Why God gave me this ministry. You all are so generous and loving and I appreciate you more than you could possibly know. Tears came to my eyes when you told me my writing had brought you back to your faith. I smiled when you told me you’d miss me if I wasn’t there to have coffee with you every morning. I was strengthened by your reminder that “He who lives within me is stronger than he who lives in the world.”

I know…I’ve always known…that writing is the gift God gave me. It is my way of “being in the world”. It wasn’t until my walk in grief that I really FOUND writing as one of the gems God tossed down in the flames of my pain. I picked it up and put it in my pocket and there it sits…as a forever reminder that there is a way through the pain. I found mine…through camping in the wilderness alone. Through howling in the dark at an unforgiving moon and a largely silent God…my pain oozing out every pore of my body. Through lighting a fire every night and wrapping myself in a blanket beside it….willing my heart to heal…one campfire at a time.

And…writing about it. About the journey. About learning to trust and communicate with God. About growing to be the best me I could be.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” That’s just the first half of John 10:10.

The second half says…

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

So…I’m staying here to fight with the full armor of God. Facebook would not miss me for a second if I left. But you…you who are reading this…you might. And, new widows are made every day. People become disillusioned every day. People get tired and distracted and angry every day. I can’t change the world…that’s God’s territory. However…I can work on my little corner of it and make a difference in whatever way God uses me.

WALK STRONG, GINNY!

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“So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight.”
2 Corinthians 5:6-7 ESV

Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Wed, 27 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I’m torn. I’ve been reading the disturbing news about the Facebook Papers and how the company put profit over social responsibility. I mean…it’s not like I’m surprised or anything. We had to know they weren’t pulling the plug on the divisiveness train the last couple of years. And, just about every business is going to push for more profits. It’s the nature of capitalism. But…I’m an advocate of truth and peace and togetherness and kindness. I’ve always tried to be an island of peace in a sea of madness. I’m not always successful…but I do try.

And now…here we are. The curtain has been pulled back and light has been shone on a really dark side of the social media equation. I have poured the last eight and a half years of my life into my writing here. This is exactly the reason I spent three years copying every post I’ve made on Facebook and putting it on my webpage. I knew there would come a day when it may be unconscionable to remain here.

It’s not a black and white issue…not by a long shot. Not for me, anyway. I am a social creature. Facebook is my connection to a great number of people…family and friends….that I wouldn’t necessarily be able to stay in touch with otherwise. I love this connection, even though it stirs conflict in my heart. It’s been keeping me awake at night. And often, when I can’t sleep, I read devotionals on the Bible app on my phone and try not to wake Mr. FixIt.

I’m currently doing a Bible study by Pastor Rick Warren called “You Make Me Crazy”. On Day 18 of the 23 Day study, Pastor Rick talks about idolatry. I’ve always had a biblical understanding of idols as being craven images of gold worshiped by unbelievers. That’s not necessarily the case, says Pastor Rick. “People-pleasing” is a form of idolatry. So is your “stuff”, your “hobbies”, your “friends.” A relationship, no matter with whom, can be a form of idolatry. And, so can social media and your phone and tablet and computer. Anything that keeps you from putting God first is being made a “god” with a little g.

I’ve always had a suspicion my presence here on Facebook would evolve. I’ve toyed with the idea of having a daily “letter from home” sent to your email with a link to my post of the day over on my website, bypassing FB altogether. I’ve pictured a weekly or monthly newsletter, but honestly…changing horses in the middle of a very big stream is not necessarily easy. There have been times when I’ve thought I’ve told every story, shared every thought, taught every lesson I was sent here to share. That maybe it was time to archive the page and call it quits and just live my life.

I’’m deeply conflicted.

I’m between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Do I continue to keep a presence on a social media platform that so egregiously intended to misinform? Or, am I making entirely too much of this? I do know one thing…I have to write. Whether anyone ever reads it one more day or not. I need to write like I need to breathe. Whether what I write is important or not. Whether it’s inspired by God or just a tale of the ordinary life of a woman living in the country with a great love after loss. Right now, I’m not sure of the answer. I just know…it keeps me up some nights.

Maybe that’s a good thing. After all…it gives me time to read some scripture and gain some insight in this crazy beautiful thing we call life.

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“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28 ESV

Looking Forward, Looking Back

Mon, 25 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Mr. FixIt and I went to town yesterday afternoon and had our Moderna booster shot. I didn’t realize till later that the booster for Moderna is a half shot. Some are questioning that…why only half? Will that keep me covered? Maybe I should get one of the others that’s a full dose? I considered all of these responses last night and came to a conclusion. I trusted science enough to tell me there is a covid vaccine and it is safe, that you still may get covid but it’s very likely not going to kill you, and the protection the vaccine affords you outweighs the small risk of a negative reaction.

Medicine is not an absolute science. Heck, it turns out not even physics is absolute. However, as we learn more, we grow with the knowledge, and we adapt to the changing information as it comes in. If the research has shown a half dose of Moderna offers adequate stimulus to the immune system to protect you…I trust that. If the information changes and they learn we need to take another booster sometime down the road…I trust that. The flu shot changes every year as the likely virus strain to come is projected. I trust that. Not blindly, but because the sheer amount of schooling and training these doctors, researchers, and scientists go through FAR outweighs my trust over what’s found in Facebook posts and conspiracy theories. I was married to a doctor for twenty years. I know exactly what they go through to learn and continue learning throughout their entire careers.

So, we got our boosters. (The dog was on a poster behind me. Looks pretty real, huh?) As I am writing this, my arm is a little sore. Small price to pay for increased protection. Will I continue wearing a mask in public places? Yes. Will I social distance? Yes. Will I practice good hand hygiene and not touch my face? Yes and Yes. Some will ask…What are you afraid of? Nothing…I’m being proactive and informed. If you’re going to continue doing all this stuff, why even bother having the vaccine? Because, I believe in science and I believe in vaccines. I have a little scar on my left upper arm that shows how smallpox was eradicated. I’ve had more vaccines than I can count. I remember when I had to fly military transport to come back to the States from England and I had to get about five or six hefty vaccines to do so. Holy cats…that was brutal. This is a walk in the park even if there’s just a chance of keeping me from being intubated and dying alone in an ICU somewhere.

You can sign up for the Covid-19 vaccine online at vaccines.gov and follow the directions. I understand the boosters are not available everywhere, but keep checking. And, if you haven’t had the initial series, please consider doing so. The massive amount of data gathered since the first shot went in an arm shows safety and efficacy. I know…it’s a personal choice. I appreciate that. I just pray for your wellness and love that you are here.

Now, for something on a lighter note. A friend of mine shared a link to a trip down memory lane. Remember the Sears Wishbooks and the Montgomery Ward and JCPenney holiday catalogs? Well, someone has digitized them and you can pull up a year from your childhood and look at the toys you were drooling over that season! How fun is that? So, here ya go…enjoy!!!

247 Vintage Christmas Wish Books and Retail Department Store Catalogs, featuring 209,424 catalog pages from Sears, Montgomery Ward and JCPenney over the years.

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“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
Proverbs 17:22 ESV

How Country Living Has Changed Me

Fri, 22 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I awoke to the tippy tap sound of gentle rain on the roof of the camper. It sounds the same as my first camper…Little TOW-Wanda. It had a metal roof. Big TOW-Wanda had a rubber roof and I was always disappointed that the sound of the rain was so muffled. And now…Big Bird! Her roof is metal and reminds me a lot of Grandma’s house at the farm.

We had a leisurely breakfast then hung around till midday at the camper. When it was lunch time, we headed to town. We stopped at Menard’s first and bought a leaf blower to blow the leaves off the camper. Then we went to Red Robin for our later lunch, early supper. They have great burgers. I especially love the plant based Impossible Burger.

When we were finished eating, we went over to the Polaris Mall and walked around. On our way over there, we drove past block after block of strip malls with big name stores and I quickly became overwhelmed by all the shopping opportunities. We drove through the parking lot of the mall, looking for an empty spot. Just as we turned off the engine, huge drops of rain began to fall and we rushed from the car to the door to keep from getting wet.

We parked outside of Macy’s. I always park at a store entrance so I can remember where I parked. When we walked in the door, this was what we walked into. Christmas. I know…it comes early every year now. And will so much stuff sitting on ships waiting to be unloaded, we are liable to face an entirely different holiday season than what we are accustomed to.

Remember back in April 2020 when we’d say, “When this all blows over in a couple of months, then we can _____________”? (Fill in the blank with anything remotely normal.) and now, here we are, getting ready for another holiday season with the trickle down effects of the pandemic still nipping us at the heels. I won’t get into a long discussion about how this might have all been avoided. That’s not what this post is about. It’s about ants.

As we walked around the mall, people were milling about. I’m not used to people anymore. For more reasons than the pandemic. We live out in the country on five acres. We don’t get a whole lot of company out there. And when we do go into town, it’s nothing remotely like this large upscale shopping mall in Columbus, OH. They have a Saks Fifth Avenue, for crying out loud! We have the Piggly Wiggly!

I suddenly had this very strong image. We were like ants in a colony. Milling about. Picking up this and that and carrying it back to our nests. It was kinda creepy in a science fiction way. I couldn’t relate to these people, even though I know I was once one of them. Let me tell ya, honey…I shopped. I shopped till I dropped. Many, many times. When I was married to Hubby #2, the doctor, we had a house with…get this…SEVENTEEN closets! When we first moved in there, I thought… “What kind of family lives in a house with seventeen closets???” Well, the family before us…they had 4 or 5 kids. And here we were, with a 16 year old and a baby…rapidly filling up all those closets. With crap. Oh…I thought they were treasures, but I can hardly name a handful of things in there that I couldn’t live without.

Did I see anything in that mall yesterday that I liked? Yes. They had a Solo Stove…a gizmo that allows you to have a rip roaring campfire without all the smoke. It was $500. That’s a hard pass. There was a collapsible coffee thingy to make pour overs while camping. $23. Nope. Electric bikes? $4000! There wasn’t a darned thing in there that I needed or wanted. I like shopping back in the day. I’m a little sad that I don’t like shopping anymore. I kept asking Mr. FixIt if we were done yet and could we just go.

Oh…I did love going to Menard’s. It’s got TOOLS!

I’m going to have to turn in my girly girl card and get the country girl card now.

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“As for the rich in this present age, charge them not to be haughty, nor to set their hopes on the uncertainty of riches, but on God, who richly provides us with everything to enjoy. They are to do good, to be rich in good works, to be generous and ready to share, thus storing up treasure for themselves as a good foundation for the future, so that they may take hold of that which is truly life.”
1 Timothy 6:17-19 ESV

Time to Take a Break

Sat, 16 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

My view out the camper window yesterday morning! We camped at Hocking Hills State Park!

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. Trips to Columbus and back for scans. Camping. Anniversary. Cleaning out campers preparing for winter. We got home yesterday midday and I had to turn right around and run back into town for some errands that had to be done before the end of the week. When I got home, I wolfed down a salad and went out to help Mr. FixIt do a big job and got overheated. We neither one slept well on this camping trip…it was too hot, I think. So, I’m calling it a night and hoping I feel better in the morning. In the meantime, here’s a rerun about taking time to rest and do some self care. We all need that from time to time.

[www.marshmallowranch.com/take-a-li...](https://www.marshmallowranch.com/take-a-little-time/)

I got a note from Little yesterday. She made her very first batch of buttermilk biscuits with the biscuit making gear I bought her this summer in West Virginia. She did a great job and said they were light and fluffy and tasted great! I’m so proud! Then, when I got home and checked the mail…I received my copy of Miss Brenda Gantt’s first cookbook. Now I have something new to read on our trip!

Nice and smooth biscuits, ready to pop in the oven!

Look how pretty and golden brown! Great job, Little!!!

If you follow Cooking with Brenda Gantt on FB, you can find out how to order one of her cookbooks!

“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”
3 John 1:2 ESV

The Phone Groan

Fri, 08 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Mr. FixIt was out doing something with the truck last weekend and dropped his phone. We all drop our phones. Almost always it’s pretty inconsequential…unless you don’t have a good case. However, there comes a time when that one drop knocks you out of the game. That’s what happened to Mr. FixIt’s phone this time. For some odd reason, it was turning Siri on and off…over and over and over. Sometimes you could get it to stop if you poked it enough. It got a little frustrating, to say the least.

I told Mr. FixIt I could do a factory reset and see if that works, but we found out it erases everything and you lose your contacts, photos, messages, apps…the works. If you back it up to the cloud first, you can reset the phone then run the backup program. Unfortunately, there’s a little problem with that.

Mr. FixIt was never a big phone guy. He hated talking on it. He had a separate digital camera he used. Facebook was just an afterthought…something to look at a couple times a year to see what was happening. Then, I came along…and created a monster. You see…with all my traveling, I really wanted him to have an iPhone so we could FaceTime, which was great. He didn’t need one with lots of memory, he said. He just wouldn’t use it, he said. However…he soon discovered all the cool things the phone could do and before he knew it, it was full.

Too full to update. Too full to run a backup. Too full for his free iCloud amount. It didn’t really bother him much. If he ran out of room, he’d take off an app, or remove some photos he didn’t want. It only became an issue when we needed to try to do a factory reset. You remember how, every year at tax time, I brush the dust off my laptop and turn it on only to find out there’s all these updates and scans and downloads I have to do before I can even BEGIN the taxes? Well, the same thing is happening with this phone.

We don’t have an Apple store within a hundred miles. The Verizon store isn’t much help either. We’ve taken things to the local “tech” place before only to be bitterly disappointed. I know we could just go buy a new phone, but before we slap that kind of money down, I’d like to try to fix it myself. I have as much or more techie experience as they do anyway, so I set to work on it yesterday afternoon when I got home from the farm.

Speaking of techie things, when did they get rid of iTunes? Somewhere along the line, they introduced something and very quietly swept iTunes into the virtual dustbin. While it was often a pain in the rear end to update and use sometimes, it was really great for backing up your iPhone and restoring after a reset. As it is, I have to upload all his pictures into the cloud. But first, I had to expand his cloud memory. But before I could do that, I had to get the phone to stop constantly running and stopping Siri.

Sometimes when I sleep on a problem, I wake up with the solution. That’s what happened when I was staying at the farm. I woke up in the middle of the night and knew…all I had to do was turn Siri off and we’d be able to access the rest of the phone. Sure enough, I found the setting, turned off Siri, and got to work.

Have I told you our internet out here in the country is powered by two possums and a squirrel? And sometimes the squirrel is tired. Land sakes…it took six hours and the upload indicator line was about a quart of an inch long. At this rate, we should have it backed up in…say…a week or two. Anyway, the bottom line is…it’s always something. You never know when you’re going to have a technical glitch and it’s going to totally throw you off your schedule as you deal with it.

Remember when we didn’t have cell phones? When we actually DID things…like go to the library and look something up. Or…read a newspaper or magazine. Or have a hobby like woodworking or stained glass or crossword puzzles. Are we more interesting people now that we know how to find the median rainfall in Zimbabwe or who the actor was in that insurance commercial? Are we happier? More content? If it all went away today, would we know how to bake a cake or fix a pot roast? What would we do with all the time we spent looking at other people’s lives? When Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat went offline for several hours the other day, how many times did you pick up your phone to see if it was back?

I am getting weary of this phone thing. But…I write. This is my platform. How long will I keep doing this? Will I still be telling you stories when I’m 75? 85? 95?!?! I don’t know. This part brings me joy, and I think it sometimes brings you all joy, as well. So, as long as there’s joy involved, I’m in. But, yeah…technology can be a major time suck.

It’s all about balance.

“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:11-13 ESV

Let There Be Heaven on Earth

Wed, 06 Oct 2021 01:30:00 -0600

My phone was in the holder. I drive with the camera on and when I see something I want to remember, I can press a button on the side of the phone and take a picture without ever taking my eyes from the road.

I personally believe God said, “Let there be color!” And there was autumn. Then He said, “Let there be heaven on the earth.” And there was West Virginia.

And it was good.

I took an impromptu trip across the state yesterday to see my sweet Uncle Dudley. My mama’s baby brother. He was just sixteen and in high school when I was born. He’s always kinda been my other dad. The one I didn’t get…do God brought me Uncle Dudley.

He’s a good, good man. The spitting image of his dad…my beloved PopPop. I look at him in his 80’s and I see what my grandpa would have looked like had he lived past 72. It’s eerie.

I had a wonderful drive through West Virginia yesterday. I didn’t leave town till around 3:30, so it was after dark by the time I got to his house. We visited for a couple hours, then I picked up my iPad and started showing him pictures. When my grandma was nearing the end of her life, she wouldn’t sleep. She would stand at the buffet and shuffle papers and poke around in the drawers till the sun came up. She was bending and ruining precious family photos, so my mom took them home with her for safe keeping. Some of them got scanned on my computer and I downloaded them to the iPad. They’re mostly photos telling the story of the farm itself. I’m working on a project and I wanted to make sure I got the names and places and dates right before I work on it.

I learned the name of my great grandfather’s 4th wife. I kinda thought he’d been married between Nancy and Pearl. Now I know, I can do some more research and get more info. This was one I didn’t know about at all.

We have been praying for my dear friend’s stepson. Unfortunately, he passed away Monday night. Yesterday, Little texted me out of the blue and asked how my friend was that we went camping with… “the one with all the spiritual energy around her.” I wrote back and said, “Interesting you should ask…why?” She said she just had a gut instincts something was wrong. I told her about the death of her stepson and Little said, “Yeah, that’s probably what was triggering that. You need to reach out to her and see if she’s ok.”

Wow!

Little is an old soul. She has incredible spiritual gifts…one of which is this “knowing”. Grandma had it. I have it. Daughter #2 has it. And now Little. There is no way she could have known. She lives in Colorado. I haven’t spoken to her in a few days. And, she doesn’t read my blog. She’s in high school…she doesn’t have time.

So, lots of memories swirling around me here.

Such good stuff!

“On the other hand, the one who prophesies speaks to people for their upbuilding and encouragement and consolation.”
1 Corinthians 14:3 ESV

It’s That Time of Year!

Tue, 05 Oct 2021 01:14:00 -0600

Mr. FixIt and I went to town yesterday. We had a lot of errands to run. While we were in Sam’s, an announcement came overhead. There was no waiting for flu shots in the pharmacy. We’ve said for the last week that we needed to get that done so no time like the present. We finished up our shopping and went for the jab.

We are “of a certain age”, so we get the high dose vaccine. I think last year was the first time I had the high dose version. And, I have to say…it did kinda kick my butt for a couple of days. My arm was sore by nightfall, but…it’s something I believe in, so I’m willing to put up with the minor inconvenience of a couple achy days.

I’ve been getting vaccinations all my life, beginning with the polio vaccine. The downside of flu vaccines is…no one, including the scientists, knows exactly what strain of influenza is going to raise its ugly head in the fall. It changes every year. That is the thing about science. It’s not finished. We are always learning more and the key is to grow with that change.

I have faith in medical research…my last job was in clinical pharmaceutical research. I have a good understanding of what goes into that. That’s why I’ve always trusted the new covid vaccine. My cousin Val said it best. “Covid is a form of SARS, and SARS vaccines have been in development for ~20 years. Basically, they tweaked a known safe vaccine for this particular variant, much the same way they tweak flu vaccines.”

I am anxiously awaiting the Covid booster. We will probably need to have boosters annually…just like the flu shots. And, I will be in the front of any line to get mine. I want my life back. I think we all do. We were thrilled when we didn’t get as much as a sniffle last winter, I am sure that is a reflection of increased hygiene, wearing masks, keeping our hands away from our faces, and social distancing. I was telling someone the other day…we will continue wearing masks and following CDC Guidelines, even after this crisis is over. It just makes good sense to be proactive and practice prevention.

Get plenty of sleep. Eat right. Stay hydrated. Exercise. Practice good hygiene. Pray or meditate. Spend time in nature. Love and be loved…it’s good for what ails ya!

“So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?””
Hebrews 13:6 ESV

Kindness Matters

Thu, 30 Sep 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I woke up yesterday and had a hankerin’ for homemade buttermilk biscuits but the buttermilk I had in the fridge was “blinky”, as my mama called it. It was way past its expiration date so I made a quick run to Piggly Wiggly to get some more. While I was there, I checked out the meat department and there was a blade-in pork shoulder roast in the “reduced for quick sale” bin. A nearly $15 roast for only $6 and change. Not bad!

I got home and whipped up the biscuits, heated up some sausage patties and fried a couple of eggs for little breakfast sandwiches. Mr. FixIt and I enjoyed our breakfast together and watched a couple of game shows. I cleaned the kitchen then set the roast to cook in the crockpot. I worked on a hat I’m knitting for a Christmas present. Then, Mr. FixIt left to run errands in town.

Along about 2:00, I thought to myself… “OMGosh! I must have Covid…I can’t smell a thing!” I should have smelled that roast cooking long before that. I went into the kitchen, only to discover I had forgotten to turn on the crockpot when I moved it from one counter to the other. Whew…at least it wasn’t Covid!

A few months ago, Mr. FixIt and I went to the cemetery where most of his family are buried. He noticed his Uncle Junie never got his military plaque for his grave so he made the necessary arrangements to have it done. He received a call yesterday from the old gentleman down at the cemetery. The plaque was in and mounted and he needed Mr. FixIt to come in to pay the installation fee.

Now, Mr. FixIt is worse than me when it comes to yakking with people…even those he doesn’t know. He got to the cemetery around 4:30 and it was 6:30 when he called to say he’d just left there. Turns out the old fella who runs the place is in his 80’s and doesn’t have a lot of people to talk to up there. And, if our conversation on the phone yesterday morning was any indication, Mr. Okey was quite a talker himself.

When my hubby finally got home, I gave him a kiss and told him what a great guy he is. Not only did he think of his uncle when no one else had, but he sat and listened to the stories of a lonely old man and no doubt made his day.

I love this guy!

“making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding;”
Proverbs 2:2 ESV

Playing Tourist

Wed, 15 Sep 2021 01:30:00 -0600

One of the places I’ve wanted to show Mr. FixIt is Red Rocks Amphitheater. Built in 1936 by the CCC (Civilian Conservation Corps), a Depression-era public work relief agency, it is the coveted venue of every musician on the planet. I’ve been to several shows at Red Rocks. The first was John Denver in the late ‘70s, early ‘80s. Michael Martin Murphy and Starland Vocal Band opened for him. It was magical. Anyone who has been to a concert there will always and forever remember their first time. The view is amazing and the acoustics are incredible. I’ve also seen Casting Crowns, Mandisa, James Taylor, Willy Nelson, and several smaller local bands.

Yesterday was gorgeous. The temps stayed in the 70’s and there were even spotty rain showers but they didn’t amount to anything. We stopped at Duluth Trading Company and browsed then went to the Whole Foods at Colorado Mills for lunch. We stopped at The Brass Armadillo and prowled around the jam packed aisles of antiques till we were on sensory overload and came back to Ben & Sue’s. Everyone took an afternoon siesta then we went to Daughter #2’s house to teach her how to program her sprinkler system.

On our way home, I inadvertently showed Mr. FixIt an area of the city that I am sure he could have done without. I made a wrong turn and ended up in the north edge of the city where the homeless live in tents on any square inch of ground they can find. Those without tents just sleep out on the ground. I’ve never seen the homeless population so high here. It was so discouraging to see and I prayed for them as we passed through.

President Biden was in Denver yesterday and we managed to avoid any major traffic delays as he traveled from DIA to Golden. I would have liked to see his motorcade, at least. The closest I’ve ever been to a President was standing outside the White House and watching Air Force One land in Denver one time.

The nights are getting pretty darned chilly here in Colorado. We’ve had to throw extra blankets on the beds in the camper, but it really makes for good sleeping weather. Little is coming over today to bake Buttermilk Biscuits then we’ll have a down home southern breakfast for supper with the kids.

Just three more days and we hit the road and head for home. I hate leaving, but we have had such a wonderful time visiting!

“Whoever is generous to the poor lends to the Lord, and he will repay him for his deed.”
Proverbs 19:17 ESV

When is it a Disaster…When is it Just…Life?

Wed, 25 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

There are truly disasters that occur. Things that could not have been predicted that befall us and change our lives in a heartbeat. The floods in Tennessee…the terrible ice storms in Texas…the dreadful fires in the west. These are all things that, aside from the unfortunate predictability of increased global warming, are still horrifying to watch. And even more horrifying to be a part of.

I’ve been thinking about my grandparents and my parents and how they lived through the Great Depression and World War II. Those were both events that shook our country to the very core. Our great and great great grandparents lived through the Civil War…a time when the very fabric of our being was torn in two. They didn’t throw their hands up and cry woe is me. They rolled up their sleeves and put others first. They put their shoulders to the wheel and pushed forward with all their might.

We’ve become both softened and hardened by technology. We’re soft because there are machines and computers that do everything for us. Everything…EVERYTHING is done electronically. We’ve put all our eggs in one basket and it’s not going to take long for someone to figure out how to take a sledgehammer to them and it won’t be pretty. We’ve become hardened because it’s hard to tease out fact from fiction for the typical Joe and Jane America. We’ve become hardened because we have a screen to hide behind and we don’t have to look in the eyes of our real and imagined adversaries.

But, with all that being said…I truly, truly believe there are far more good people in the world than there are really bad people. The thing is…goodness doesn’t sell advertising space. Sensationalism and keeping every single news cycle focused on all the terrible things can keep us in a constant state of anxiety if we let it.

I received an e-mail yesterday from the Census Bureau asking me to fill out a “Coronavirus Household Pulse Survey”. It asked questions they didn’t ask in the regular census. The purpose of the survey was to gauge our reactions to the pandemic. How it’s affecting us….physically, financially, mentally, and emotionally. It asked if we were having trouble meeting bills. Were we able to seek and receive the healthcare we needed. Are we getting enough food. This is designed to find out where the trouble spots are and where resources are needed the most.

One of the greatest lessons of the Depression and WWII was the need for social services to help people through the tough times in life. And, it was fortunate our ancestors were largely farmers and hard work was already a part of their daily lives. They knew how to do all the things that need doing and, unfortunately, a lot of those skills have died out with them. I am a strong proponent of bringing Home Economics and Shop classes back to schools. I think there should be a class that teaches young people how to fill out job applications, balance a checkbook, file taxes. I’ve seen programs that match schools with nursing homes and senior centers in order to enlighten both demographics. There are places that put day care centers in nursing homes and it benefits the elders as well as the littles.

How can we preserve the skills that are rapidly dying? What skills do you have that you might share with young people? What if all the electronics went away tomorrow? Who would know what to do without YouTube and Google? These are things that roam around in my head when I’m not busy enough, I’m afraid. But they are things that should be addressed. Our great grandchildren’s lives may depend on it.

As disastrous as the pandemic has been, these sorts of things are just a part of life. Sometimes life is cake…and sometimes it’s really, really hard. Devastatingly hard. Knowing we are not alone in our difficulties can go a long way in calming our fears of the unknown and the anxieties of uncertainty. God walks with His children…always. That was one of the biggest gems I discovered in the flames of my grief. While I was a widow and I was crushed…I was never alone. We are brokenhearted over many things right now. But please know this…God draws near to the brokenhearted. It is when we can communicate with him most intimately.

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”
1 Peter 4:10 NIV

#Skills, #Talents, #Knowledge

Summer Sunday Supper

Mon, 23 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

You could just about guarantee where my mom, brother, and I would be on any given Sunday when I was growing up. Sunday suppers at Grandma’s house was just what we did. I’d guess many of you did the same. I especially loved those meals in the summer. Grandma had a “truck garden”…the garden that’s close to the house so you can run over the little bridge to pick fresh veggies. We had “Farm to Table” dining long before it became cool and trendy.

During the week, we are often far too busy to cook a proper meal. There’s all the work outside that keeps us hopping from late March to late September. The garden, the mowing, the pool, constant repairs…it’s a big job for two people. So we often just grab sandwiches or salads for our main meal. Except on Sundays. I try to fix something nice as a reward for our hard work of the week, and to celebrate the day of rest.

When Mr. FixIt was finishing up snaking the drain…for the umpteenth time…I headed to the kitchen, pulled some pork chops out of the freezer and placed them in a bowl of cold water to thaw. I put on a quart of my home canned half runner beans on to simmer on the back burner while a few new red potatoes were cooking in the little pressure cooker I picked up last summer at a junk shop. When the pork chops were thawed, I dipped them in buttermilk and dredged them in seasoned flour then fried in a little oil using my biggest cast iron skillet. Earlier, I cut up some fresh onions, cucumbers and tomatoes and made a little salad with a homemade balsamic vinaigrette. It was a delightful meal and reminded me of how swiftly summer and its freshness is gone.

It will be a busy week as we make the preparations for the big trip to Colorado. I made an executive decision when I had the camper at Setzer’s. I had them repack the wheel bearings so Mr. FixIt wouldn’t have that to do. I’ll get the new tires put on this week. We’re getting pretty excited!

It’s Monday…another day, another week, another fresh start. We get new starts every day. I hope your week brings you beauty and blessings.

““Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
Isaiah 43:18-19 ESV

Birdie’s Little Road Trip…Ginny’s Little Break

Thu, 19 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Ok, show of hands. How many of you have had something scheduled the following morning. You brush your teeth, take your meds, set your alarm and say your prayers. You lay back, tired from a full day…ready to sleep. And all you can see is the numbers on the alarm clock.

“6:30. Dang, that’s early. I haven’t gotten up that early in ages. When WAS the last time I got up that early? It must have been when I had my surgery……Gosh…that surgery! I’m so disappointed it didn’t work! Now I’m going to probably have to have another one. Just need to get that next scan done. Wait…when is that scheduled? Oh, yeah…the day after we get back from camping. Which is four days after we get back from Colorado! What was I thinking??? We’re going to be exhausted! Speaking of exhausted….settled down now. Get to sleep. Breathe in….breathe out. Think calm thoughts. Think of the beach……The beach. We’re really going to miss our October trip to the beach this year for our anniversary. Which one is this? Let’s see…’18 to ‘19, ‘19 to ‘20, ‘20 to ‘21. Three! Holy cats! How did that happen so fast??? Three whole years. We are so blessed and have so much fun together. Yeah, we’ll miss the beach, but we are going to have such a wonderful time in Colorado! ……. Oh, I have to remember to pack……”

You get the idea. Staring holes in the ceiling and ticking off the lists in your head is NOT how you get a good night’s sleep. Neither is waiting for the alarm to go off. Mr. FixIt set his alarm for 4:00 to go downstairs and check the storm drain. He was so sound asleep, I had to shake him three or four times to get him awake enough to turn it off. I had been asleep all of one hour…I kid you not. And that was the end of any sleep for me. I got up before my alarm was due at 6:30, took my shower, and headed out in the early morning light to tow Birdie down to Setzer’s to get the leak fixed. It was raining hard as Tropical Storm Fred passed through the Mid Ohio Valley. I drove slowly in the gloomy grey of the wet Wednesday morning traffic.

The monotony of the windshield wipers drove home how tired I was and I had to resort to singing and blasting the air conditioner to stay awake. It took about two-and-a-half hours to get there towing Birdie. She’s so light and easy to pull, you hardly know she’s back there. I checked her into the service department. They may get to her this morning…maybe tomorrow. And, the sealant has to cure for at least six to eight hours before you can tow. I went back to the truck and unhooked the camper and tried to decide if I had it in me to drive the two-and-a-half hours back home through this rain. I made an executive decision and went to a name brand hotel and checked in. I barely made it to the bed before I fell sound asleep for four solid hours. What utter bliss!

When I awoke, I took myself out for a curbside supper from the restaurant across the parking lot from the hotel. Then I went to Menard’s home store and picked up a few storage solutions for the little camper for our trip. I got back to the hotel well before dark and checked in with my sweetheart. All is good on the home front. We bought new blades for the drain snake a few weeks back. He ran it down the drain and it let loose like someone popped a cork. These blades were bigger and heavier duty than the ones that came with the machine and they were much more effective. Between keeping the gutters clean and snaking the drain on a regular basis, we should be good till we can get a permanent fix when we get home from Colorado.

The joys of farm life and home ownership. There’s always something to be built, torn down, fixed, replaced, organized, or thrown away. There’s hardly ever a time when you can just sit down and work on a hobby…not during the summer anyway. This is the time of year when I start to long for the change of seasons…for no other reason than the mowing will be done. For a few months anyway. This idea I have to turning the far field into a pollinator-friendly cacophony of wildflowers will cut down on our mowing responsibilities in the future, as well.

Always thinking ahead.

And now….for that long awaited bubble bath!

“And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.”
Mark 6:31 ESV

Grounding Myself

Wed, 18 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Honestly, I live a charmed life. A wonderful husband and friend and partner in crime. A healthy and happy family. A peaceful five acre plot of land with a big red brick house on it. A couple of trucks. More than a couple of campers. (Yeah…it’s an addiction!) I have reasonably good health, considering. And it’ll be even better when I get this parathyroid thing worked out. The bottom line is, I really don’t have anything to complain about.

I wrote yesterday about the leak in the camper and the tires that arrived the wrong size. Frustrating, but minor inconveniences. Someone commented how exhausting these trials can be, no matter how minor. Mr. FixIt had appointments all day yesterday so he left without waking me. It was almost noon when I woke up! I must have really needed the rest…but I was shocked.

We are in the midst of a very rainy stretch. I need to have the camper at Setzer’s this morning, so I figured I’d tow it down there yesterday afternoon and stay the night in a campground near the dealership. I ran downstairs to get some clean clothes and stepped on the carpet…and my plans for the day changed in an instant. We got water in the basement again. I was so frustrated. We’ve worked on that drain and it’s down so well. I just couldn’t figure out what happened. I grabbed the carpet cleaner and started sucking up the water. In a little while, another downpour hit and I figured it out. The gutter was plugged up and when the water can’t go down the drainpipe, it overflows and quickly overwhelms the storm drain.

I spent my afternoon sucking up water and cursing this house. When I was finally finished with the carpet, I came upstairs, got a cold drink, and sat down for a break. I could feel the tension in my shoulders and neck. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I needed something to calm me down. To center me. A thought popped in my head.

“You need grounding.”

Oh, I did…I really did. I walked outside barefoot into a light sprinkling rain. I walked over to the lawn and soaked up the earth’s energy through the soles of my feet. I lifted my face to the sky and let the cool rain drops melt away any frustration of the day. It’s not a big deal. We got a little lax in our weekly maintenance is all. It’s easy to let things build up until small things feel big. With my newfound calm, I went on with my day and was my happy self when my sweetheart came home.

I’ve learned to take my stress off like a jacket and leave it at the door when evening comes. It’s an extension of what I used to do when I worked. Just because we are retired, doesn’t mean we don’t need to practice leaving things on the “worry tree” outside. On the contrary…it’s even more important because we are together 24/7 now. Working to keep things positive and productive and healthy is a goal we all should work toward in our home relationships. Keeping God at the center, reminding myself that He has plans to prosper us and give us a future, and taking time out to ground myself with my feet on the ground made for a beautiful day…leaks or no leaks.

“He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.”
Psalm 1:3 ESV

Please Don’t Feed the Trolls

Mon, 16 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

When you own a website or blog, you open yourself up to a lot of good things. And, as they say… “Into each life, a little rain must fall.” It’s unavoidable. I know full well, when I touch on controversial subjects, I’m liable to get some pushback. It comes with the turf. I don’t mind hearing other’s opinions, of course…as long as there is an attempt at civil discourse. I seldom delete a post, and I rarely need to block someone. But, it happened yesterday so I thought perhaps we should discuss it.

According to my statistics on this page, my demographic is largely women aged 60 and over…not unexpected since my writing covers grief, faith, aging, health, cooking, family, retirement, farm life, and….well, you get it. You’ve been reading me long enough to know what I do here. It occurred to me yesterday, women in this demographic may not know how to spot a troll on social media…or even know what that is.

There is a difference between a troll and someone merely disagreeing with something you’ve said and expressing themselves. It isn’t always easy to tell them apart…especially when things get heated. I get a notification every time someone likes or comments on my posts here…the “launch pad” to my website. I try to at least acknowledge every interaction on my page because I like staying engaged with you all. Most of the time you get a ? and sometimes you get a written response…it depends on the subject and how much time I have that day. At any rate, I like for you to know I’m seeing what you write to me and I deeply appreciate you.

Yesterday, I broke my own rule. I unknowingly fed a troll and things started escalating. In my defense, I was out on the mower at the end of the far field. I stopped to take a drink and I felt my phone vibrate. I took a quick look and saw some heat and stepped in with what I hoped was a calming response. By the time I was finished mowing, it was obvious I should have taken the time to look into the person making the comments.

There were several red flags. First, it wasn’t a name I recognized…I had never seen a comment from this person before. And, second…she got personal, fast. Attacking not only me, but other readers. I honestly didn’t take the time to do any research. I have zero tolerance for personal attacks so I removed the ugly posts and blocked the person. Later, in order to make sure I did the right thing, I asked a friend to look this person up and check on two things…when she joined Facebook and how many friends she had. It wasn’t two minutes later when I got the confirmation I needed. New account. No friends. That’s what I should have done first before I ever responded….look her up to confirm.

Trolls and troll accounts can come from a variety of sources. Sometimes it’s nothing more than cyber bullies…anonymous accounts someone hides behind in order to attack and provoke a response from either the owner of the page or their friends/readers/customers. The attacks are usually focused around hot topics and they are meant to trigger people into responding out of anger. This type of troll gets a kick out of the drama and angry responses and will continue to escalate with every response…often getting personal. They’ll send laughing emojis when you respond with anger. They belittle and demean. And they have a hunger to be fed. If you ignore them, sometimes they give up and go away on their own because they aren’t getting what they want. That’s easier to do when it’s just you responding on your own page. It’s an entirely different situation when you have over 6,000 readers on a blog.

Another kind of troll is what we saw starting in about 2014. Russian Intelligence discovered the United States would be far easier to defeat if they divided us and pitted us against each other. So they went on a massive disinformation campaign to do just that and drew the line in the sand between political parties. This continued during the campaign for the 2016 Presidential election…the fallout of which we will be dealing with for God knows how long. I am sure it continues today as foreign powers jump on the bandwagon, reach into our computers, and stir up a hornet’s nest.They have learned they can destroy us without firing a shot. All they have to do is poke the bear, point the finger at the other guy saying, “He did it!” Then, they sit back and laugh at how easy it was.

Recognizing a cyber bully is easier than recognizing a troll account created by a foreign power. The trick is to stop and think before you respond. Have a peek at the person’s personal FB page. The biggest clue is “no friends” or a really new account. They rant. They pick trigger topics and gauge the audience to actually decide which side of the fence to stand on. They may not even believe in what they’re spewing…they’re just in it for the high of the response.

Clemson University created a questionnaire to try to help you figure out who is legit and who is a troll. You can find it HERE. I’m pretty savvy to this issue because I’ve been writing this blog for over eight years now. I got 7 out of 8 right on Spot the Troll. It’s not easy to apply critical thinking skills when you’re in the heat of the moment. So, before you start throwing barbs back, take a breath and do a little research. It’ll be better for your blood pressure.

We’re all in this together. Let’s try to educate each other and outsmart the fox that’s somehow gotten into our henhouse.

“There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers.”
Proverbs 6:16-19 ESV

Listen to Your Body

Sun, 15 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I abused my body for many years…eating poorly, yo-yo dieting, abusing substances, over-exercising. It’s coming home to roost, I’m afraid. I don’t know what triggered the hyperparathyroidism…genetics, lifestyle, environmental factors? Add that to simply aging and I have a few more difficult days than I used to.

Anyone over the age of say…60 knows things don’t work exactly like they used to. There are aches and pains in places where they never were before. It can be really frustrating when things don’t work like they did before. My friend Diane shared a picture of the two of us at our 45th High School Reunion that was held five years ago this weekend. She looks exactly the same. I have aged like crazy.

I’ve turned back the hands of time before through diet and exercise. I’m not sure if I can do it again, but I’m bound and determined to try. I remember heading into that reunion, I was in great shape. I was on my “clean and green” diet. I was walking nearly every day. I recorded my progress here on the blog. And, I was absolutely sure I would never let myself go again. I was sure I would keep the weight off.

The first thing that happened is, I got happy. Early this winter it will be five years since Mr. FixIt called me and asked me out to lunch. It didn’t take too many dates till we decided this was worth putting some time into and we soon became inseparable. And happy. And got married. And I put on weight that winter. I was tickled to death to sit in the house by the fire and knit and write and before I knew it, the jeans were replaced by leggings.

Then, Mr. FixIt had a stroke…with another one a couple months later. Then…the pandemic hit hard and we were in the house again…not by choice. Like so many others, I turned to my kitchen for comfort. I thought myself how to bake sourdough bread. I baked and baked and we ate and ate. I canned. I dehydrated. And ate and ate and ate some more. Now I weigh as much as I did when I delivered my children. My body is talking to me. It’s telling me to take better care of it…NOW!

Now, I know you can be a bigger girl and still be healthy, but I’m not. I’m slipping here and I don’t like it. I don’t think diet and exercise can reverse hyperparathyroidism, but I’m going to do my best to try to at least improve my health. It’s just so easy to put it on and not as easy to take off. Especially as you get older.

We ate light yesterday, and our evening snack was watermelon. I bought another one of those “cannonball” melons, but this one wasn’t quite as sweet as the one I bought last week. I think I’ll go back to the original produce stand (Witten’s) and get another of the really good ones and save it for our trip. I thought I’d show you an easy way to cut watermelon and get evenly sized pieces. I cut the stem and blossom ends off to create a flat surface. Then quarter the melon, and slice each quarter into one inch slices. It’s so much easier to handle that way.

I woke up yesterday at 4:00 and couldn’t get back to sleep because of a heavy thunderstorm. I was sleeping in the camper and…wow! If you’ve never experienced a West Virginia thunder and lightning show in a tin box, you really should. It’s pretty darned impressive. The day was hot in the afternoon…85 degrees for a little while. But, the rains broke that terrible heat and humidity we had last week and as I was writing this in the camper at 9:00 last night, the temperature was a very comfortable 74.

I took my evening walkabout and snapped some pictures. I caught a picture of a praying mantis near the camper. There was a bee enjoying a passion flower. And the flower on our Star of Bethlehem (or bush lily) is opening more blossoms. As I headed out to the camper to write in my “happy place”, the sunset was a beautiful, bright salmon color so I dropped everything to catch the loveliness before it was gone.

God paints landscape portraits every day of the year and then dims the lights on the exhibit every evening. How much of it do we take for granted without even looking? How much do we really “see”? How often to we stop and thank God for all the beauty around us? It is so easy to get sucked into every ugly news cycle and miss living the lives God wants for us. I’m making a commitment to engage more with relationships and nature and less the technology and distractions. I know I’ll be a happier camper!

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 ESV

My Husband Has Ruined Me

Thu, 12 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Mr. FixIt has ruined me. Let me explain.

I’m updating the GPS unit I bought in 2014 as I was leaving Denver to drive cross-country to live on the farm. I do not believe it has been updated at all. I don’t know…maybe once? I’ve tried three different times over the last few days and I kept getting an error message. At first, it said to use the USB cord that came with the unit. I thought, if there was any chance whatsoever I still have the darned thing, it would be in the console of my truck. It took me a day or two to get it together and sit in 95 degree heat rummaging through stacks of unused paper napkins, CD’s (who even listens to those anymore?), receipts, packets of catsup and soy sauce, a slip of paper with a phone number on it that’s undoubtedly important, and that cool tool I bought to cut my seat belt and break the window if I ever find myself sinking to the bottom of a body of water in my F-150. Hey…I’m a Girl Camper…I’m always ready!

Anyway, after tearing through the console for ten minutes or so, the USB cord wasn’t there. It was two more days before I got around to trying again. You remember every year when I sit down to do my taxes, the laptop always needs a dozen updates and it’s slow and I need to run a virus scan and the cleanup program and before I know it, three hours have passed and I’m finally ready to get to work? Well, that was yesterday afternoon. Argh! I decided to just order a new cord from Garmin, but I couldn’t find the link so I chatted with customer service. Tyrrone came online and gave me the link I needed. I was ALMOST ready to hit “send” on the payment when I thought some more. Maybe that cord…or one like it that would work…was in this special bag where I keep extra things like that.

I set everything aside, pulled out the bag, and the second cord I tried worked! When I downloaded the update, i kept getting an error message that said, “File cannot be installed on this computer. Please try again.” After trying three times, I realized the Garmin Express file I had on my computer was outdated, so I tried updating it. Again, I got the same error message. I tried to uninstall the old version and got the error message, “Task cannot be competed.”

Breathe, Ginny…breathe.

I chatted with customer service again and he sent another link to work around that and…the computer froze. OMGosh! Why does this have to be so hard? I rebooted the computer, ran through the steps and the program magically disappeared. Yes! That allowed me to download the installer for the new version, which worked out fine. Then, when I started the update, our internet is SOOOOOOOOO slow, as I’m writing this, the predicted time to download is 4 hours, 47 minutes! Ok…fine. I set the whole thing aside on the floor by my chair so there’s no chance I’ll accidentally unplug the darned thing and have to start over.

Now, here’s where I tell you how my husband has ruined me. There was a time in my life when I would have just gone out and bought a new GPS. After all, this one is at least seven years old…it’s served me well. And, you can buy new ones now that are specifically geared towards campers. Sweet! However…they cost $300 or more. After being with my sweet West Virginia boy these last few years (West Virginians are known to be frugal and resourceful) his “frugality” is rubbing off on me! Darn it. I hate shopping now. I spend an inordinate amount of time researching things before I spring to buy them. I’ll often sit for a couple of weeks with items in an online shopping cart, only to go back in later and decide I didn’t really need that after all.

See? Totally ruined. lol

When we first got together, I just grabbed whatever I wanted off the grocery store shelves. Because, and this is my privileged past showing here, it had been many, many years since I had to consider the difference between the price of store brands versus name brands. At first, going shopping with him was immensely frustrating. Then something happened. He hugged me one day and told me we would never argue about money. Which told me, if there was ever anything we WOULD argue about, it would be money. I’ve learned to “watch my pennies so my dollars watch themselves.” We learned to compromise and he rarely buys store brand mayo anymore because it’s just gross. And…after all, the money we save takes us on great adventures! It’s important to be good stewards of the gifts God gives us…one of which is money. It’s even more important as we age.

So, yeah…I’m ruined. But totally in a good way!

“Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful.”
1 Corinthians 4:2 ESV

“Birdie” Needs New Shoes

Tue, 10 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Camper for Illustration Only…This is an awning idea!

Our new-to-us camper is an absolute delight! I’ve spent several nights “yard camping” and getting a good feel of how to make everything work when we head out to Colorado in a few weeks. I’ve learned SO much about campers since that day, as a new widow, I went to an RV dealer in Denver and bought my first little trailer. I knew NOTHING about campers then. I didn’t know you have to check the air in your tires literally every time you pull out towing your little house on wheels. I didn’t know to keep tabs on the axle temperature and grease the bearings from time to time.

I really had only a rudimentary understanding of what Gross Vehicle Weight Rating meant, or how to empty a black tank, or how packing your camper can affect the sway. Heck I didn’t know what camper sway meant or how to stop it when it happens. I didn’t have an understanding of the wind dynamics and how a passing tractor trailer can suck you into it.

The Girl Camper Podcasts taught me so much about all aspects of trailer camping. I can back up on a dime and have a nickel left over. I can hookup and unhook a 30’ camper and tow it with confidence cross country in the biggest cities during 5:00 traffic. I know how far I can go, how much gas I’ll need to get there, and how to find a place to sleep for the night. I’m pretty adept at this point. One thing I learned early on was when to purchase new tires for your camper. There is a four digit number at the end of the info line printed on the side of your tires. The first two digits of that number indicate what week your tires were made and the last two digits indicate the year. In my case, the tires that are on the little 2015 a-frame we bought is 1714, meaning…they were manufactured the 17th week of 2014. Trailer tires should be replaced at the very least every five years, even when they visually look just fine. Dry rot can render a tire unstable and…trust me…you do NOT want to be traveling down the highway and have a blowout. Especially in a single axle camper.

I’m pretty particular about my tires, having experienced a blowout in the mountains of WV on a snowy spring day in 2016. I don’t go for the cheapest thing I can buy. That is probably more important on my big camper than this little one, but still…I want quality between me and the road. I spent a good deal of time researching tires yesterday. I asked questions in some of the camping groups I belong to. And Mr. FixIt has lots of experience with campers and tires. I haven’t made my mind up yet what I want to get, but I’m getting there.

The next issue is going to be storage. There isn’t a whole lot of room in this little a-frame. Due to the way it folds up, there are no upper cabinets. There is one cabinet under the sink, but if you know anything about campers, there are a lot of pipes and drains and the water pump under there. There is a drawer under the microwave, but I use it for things I need to get to right away like a flashlight, the manuals for all the inner workings of the camper, a couple of screwdrivers, and a container of wipes. The previous owner gave me a wire shelf that fits right on top of the counter above the microwave that can be removed when you set up and take down the camper. She used small baskets on the shelves to store some food and other cooking items. Janine Petit uses clear plastic bins to keep organized. I like that idea because you can see what’s inside without taking it down and going through it. They come in a variety of sizes so I’m going to measure the shelf and see what will work best for us. There is storage under the bed and under one of the benches of the dinette. I can use that for extra blankets, and the plastic bins while we drive.

I’m also looking for ideas for an awning for over the door of the a-frame. I think I may have found the ideal solution because it doesn’t involve adding Velcro tape to the camper itself. And, it’s cute as a bug. It’s really nice to have something over your head as you enter and leave the camper. I usually stand at the camper door and watch the birds in the mornings when I have my coffee and brush my teeth. This little half umbrella would work great!

Planning for an upcoming trip is one of the best parts. I remember as a young girl, when I got my first bike, I used to pretend I was riding my bike to Canada and I would lay in bed at night and plan my menus and how I would pack my food and clothes. Camping with “Birdie” is going to draw on those long ago daydreams in such a fun way! I have an app on my phone called RVParky. You can plan trips, find campgrounds and attractions, investigate campgrounds and make reservations. It gives you an estimate of your gas costs based on your vehicle, specific camper, and weight. It will even route you away from low clearance bridges and underpasses…not something important with this little camper as it is collapsed down for travel. I love being able to look in the rear view mirror and actually see the traffic behind us.

I was thrilled when we looked at this week’s calendar and saw only one appointment listed. I told Mr. FixIt we should go camping. He reminded me that may not be quite so much fun with the temps predicted in the 90’s all week. Unless we went up in the mountains to get away from the heat, we might as well stay here. Then again….hmmmmmm.

*wheels turning*

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
Proverbs 16:9 ESV

I Can’t Just Scroll on By

Mon, 09 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

To my friends who refuse a vaccine and want me to scroll on by and shrug my shoulders:

Let’s say I see a friend whom I love, texting on a railroad track, and a train is hurtling toward her. People have told her the train is coming but she thinks maybe trains aren’t real. She’s reading her FB posts and telling people it’s ok to stand on railroad tracks. She’s never been hit by the train before. And besides, she’s heard you don’t get hurt too bad when the train hits you anyway. And, by God, it’s my Constitutional right to stand on this track and get splattered like a watermelon. I should just mind my own business.

Some really smart people have developed a way to keep the train from hitting people, or at least not killing them, but…it involves her doing something first. She read that this “fix” is worse than getting hit by a train. It’s not safe. Standing in front of the train feels safer. She refuses the fix…for all kinds of reasons of her own that many don’t understand.

It’s really hard to stand and watch someone you love get hit by a train. I imagine it’s pretty gruesome. But, let me tell you, my friends, if I see you standing on a train track with your nose on your screen and a train is coming, I’m not going to “scroll on by.” That’s depraved indifference. I’m going to try to help you and get you out of the way of the very real possibility of death, or lifelong damage. It’s how I’m made. Besides, when you DO get hit by the train…and it IS coming…it’s not just you it affects. It’s all of us.

I know this is your railroad track, but it’s the devil’s train, and I won’t stop telling people about the danger.

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

A Matter of Self Care: An Open Letter to Simone Biles

Sat, 07 Aug 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Dear Miss Simone,

I haven’t really watched the Olympics much, but I’ve kept up with the major stories. Our family’s biggest interest is the swimming events since my older grandchild has been on swim team practically since she could write her name. She had hopes of going to the 2020 Olympics, but when push comes to shove in any sport, you athletes know early on what level you are likely to perform at. My granddaughter knew she was a healthy competitor, but she also knew she was a college level swimmer…not an Olympian. So, when it came time to choose…competitive or athletic, she chose athletic. Her reasoning was…she wanted to have a life and enjoy growing up. I think she made a wise choice. She is mentally and physically healthy, she excels at academics, swimming is still fun and great exercise, and…colleges are contacting her to apply. There’s nothing wrong with that.

As I watched the drama unfold surrounding your struggles in Tokyo, my heart ached for you. You climbed the ladder the hard way. You worked hard. You were focused and determined. You were built to do what you do. And, when your mind played tricks on you and you chose to protect it, there were actually people calling you a “quitter” and “an embarrassment to our country”. I was shocked, but not surprised.

We live in a culture where the word “woke” has been given an ugly connotation. Maya Angelou said, “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” That, my friend, is all “woke” really is. It’s being twisted to represent this or that…but the bottom line is, it is awareness. In the past, there are myriad examples of Olympians pushed beyond their limits, receiving life altering and career ending injuries. I mean, look at how few Olympians there are compared to the number of people who try to get there. The pressure put on these mostly young people is abysmal. The pressure you put on yourselves is tragic.

Yes, I know…some will blame it on “every participant gets a trophy”. Or “kids these days are too soft”. I’d dare anyone to say you, or the hundreds of premier athletes like you, are soft. The skills you perform are seriously life threatening. You had a case of the “twisties”…something gymnasts know all about. It comes when, for whatever reason, your mind and body disconnect and you lose your spatial awareness. You don’t know where you are in your spins and rolls and flips. When that happens, a gymnast is in terrible danger. The accident that could have occurred had you continued could not only have ended your career…it could have ended your life.

How fair is it of us “armchair athletes” to say what’s going on in another person’s mind? If you, or any other gymnast, would have landed wrong and broke your ankle, for instance, and had to pull out of events…are you “soft”? No! The only difference between a mental injury and a physical injury is…NO ONE CAN SEE IT. I understand the struggle between trying to do something I’m not capable of in the moment and the expectations of others that I SHOULD be able to. I don’t feel “seen” or “understood” or “validated”. I feel “judged” and “weak” and “inferior”. And I’m not on a world stage…not in any way near what a world class athlete is.

As a fellow human being with struggles of my own, and as a mom of a wonderful human being who struggles in their own way, my heart goes out to you, Simone…and the hundreds of people like you who have to make a choice…protect your mental health, or risk disappointing others. I’ll choose disappointing others any day of the week after what I’ve been through and what I’ve learned from the experience. Life is far too short, dear one. All you wonderfully talented athletes don’t “owe” me anything but honesty and good character and the wisdom to know when to say, “I can’t do this.”

It’s really ok to not be ok sometimes.

I’m proud of you, Miss Simone. As proud as I can be without actually being your mom. You are SO much more than your craft.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

Easy as Pie!

Sat, 24 Jul 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Look what followed us home!

I’ve been vacillating for weeks regarding my big camper. Honestly…the only time I camp in it is at home. My truck isn’t powerful enough to pull it up hills, let alone mountains. Mr. FixIt and I love to camp together. But he doesn’t quite see the point in sleeping in the camper at home like I do. So…if I want to get him to camp with me, it’s going to have to be in a camper more suitable A) to the size of my truck, and B) to suit us at our age.

I still want the basics: a bed out of the rain, a sink and running water, a microwave, a cooktop, air conditioning and a furnace for chilly nights. I like the idea of solid walls. I don’t want the canvas tent feel of a regular popup but, I DO love the low profile and lightweight, easy towing they provide. I’ve been around campers for several years now and I’ve been to the biggest RV show there is. I’ve learned from the best of the best, Janine Pettit and Gail Bable…my Girl Campers Extraordinaire and partners in all things camping.

A couple of years ago, Gail and I met Janine at the Country Living Fair in Columbus, OH to help her man the booth for Girl Camper. We had three camping trailers there and the one that I just loved was Gail’s A-Liner. It was so tiny yet when you popped it up, it looked like a little Swiss A-frame. Her neighbor painted sunflowers on it. It was cute as a bug.

Once I started looking for smaller campers this spring, I realized Covid caused a huge boost in camper sales. They are hard to find new…especially the smaller ones. People selling their campers have discovered they can jack up their prices and desperate people will be willing to pay top dollar for a safe vacation. Camping is enjoying a resurgence of immense popularity.

I can’t tell you how many sellers I’ve contacted, inquiring if they still have the camper. One was exactly like my first camper and I was really interested in it, however…within an hour of posting the camper for sale, he already had three people lined up to come see it and four more people as back up. This happened over and over.

Then, earlier this week, I saw an A-farm camper…much like Gail’s only bigger. Roomier. Newer.

Oooooooooh.

I texted and asked if it was still available…two days after it posted. Yes, it was. I looked and thought and then decided against it. The idea of having to pop the top was bugging me. I wrote back and said thanks for your time but I think we’ll pass. Another day went by. I couldn’t get that A-frame out of my head. So, I prayed.

“Lord, if you want me to have this, make it easy and effortless.”

I texted yesterday and said, “On second thought, I’d like to come see the camper. Is it still available?” I was absolutely certain it wasn’t or that she had six people lined up to come see it. After all, it was Friday now.

“Yes, it’s still available.” No one was coming to see it. She told me at least two dozen said they were interested and she would wait and wait and wait and no one showed up to actually look at it. She was a little frustrated by that…as I can imagine. I made arrangements with her, came home from having lunch with some friends from high school, and asked Mr. FixIt if her remembered that cute little A-frame camper and did he want to go look at it with me?

He did…and we hopped in the truck to drive over two hours to check it out. The moment I saw it, I knew…she was ours! She was just waiting for us. And, Susan…the owner was just as sweet as can be. It turned out, we have so much in common. She is also a widow. She and her late husband used to camp in tents, but they were aging and she was over all that packing and hauling, setting up and breaking down. She wanted a bed. Period. In came the A-frame. But, when her husband died, she didn’t have the proper vehicle to tow and she had never towed the camper before. Now, she is thinking if she can find a camper van that she can just drive places and sleep in, that’s what she’d rather have.

I encouraged her to check out Girl Campers and explore the idea of a camper van and, who knows? We might end up sharing a campfire one of these days!

We completed our transaction and they showed us how everything worked. I am able to set it up and take it down all by myself, which is necessary if I go off camping with my girlfriends. The camper was purchased from my good friend, Lynn Butler…owner of Setzer’s World of Camping. It had recently been in the shop to have a skylight replaced. The other two skylights and the Fantastic Fan had been recaulked. It had a new air conditioner put in it in 2018 and had only been camped in once since then as her husband became ill a couple of years ago.

In other words…the perfect camper was dropped in our lap. The perfect size, the perfect weight, the perfect amenities, and at the perfect price. She doesn’t have a bathroom, but there are these cute little popup tents you can buy that work as a bathroom outside at the end of your camper. You put a little portapotty in there and it works great for overnight trips to the loo.

I towed her home and…I am not kidding…I had to remind myself it was actually back there. It pulls so smooth and easy. It didn’t change my gas mileage at all. We just kept feeling like someone should pinch us because it was truly effortless.

Thank you, God…for always being the provider and bringing the things we need in our lives. This will be the perfect addition to our family’s adventures. We can get back to camping. We can sell the big camper and get the money back that we paid for the new one…plus enough to pay for camping for a good while. We were positively giddy all the way home. We already have our first camping trip scheduled for next weekend!!!

Now…for the most important part.

Her name.

What shall we name her???

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”
James 1:17 ESV

#Gifts, #Camper, #Blessings

The Mistakes of Others

Mon, 19 Jul 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I’ve always imparted this little tidbit to young people. “You can’t possibly live long enough to make ALL the mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others.” It’s a lesson that I’m still living out.

I got a friend request from someone over the weekend. I knew absolutely for certain we were already friends, so I took a screenshot and sent it to her asking…is this you? Turns out, it was. She’s been on Facebook for over ten years. Yet, a couple of weeks ago, someone hacked her FB account, changed the password, hijacked a credit card she had on file to use for FB ads…racking up a pretty hefty bill. The money wasn’t what upset her…she has coverage for that and will get it back. However…there’s so much she’ll never see again.

They not only hacked her account and changed the password. They also DELETED her Facebook page. The whole thing…gone. She had only recently backed up her profile so she has a little bit of stuff, but there is so much that she can never get back.

She won’t see the sweet comments of family members no longer with us. She won’t see the photos her friends no family shared with her. Some friends and family who are gone had Facebook pages that she was “friends” with, but now…there’s no one there to approve her new friendship request. She can’t go back and browse their page and remember.

That’s what really hit home for me. What if I lost connection with Mr. Virgo’s page? Granted…I don’t go to it very often anymore, but I want to be able to visit if the mood strikes me. My friend suggested we always make sure a trusted mutual friend has your login info in case you ever need to get back in.

I’ve also worried about this page. That’s why I spent an inordinate amount of time copy every singe post from three years worth of writing and put it on my website. Time very well spent. I still need to do a full backup of both pages…on a regular basis. So, I’m setting a weekly reminder to do just that. I would be devastated if I lost eight years of your comments, love, wisdom and support here on Marshmallow Ranch.

EDIT: Here’s how to back up your page.

I didn’t explain it as well as my friend. She was referring to pages you may be an administrator for. Like, group pages. For instance, my high school class has a group page. For years it had one administrator. We went through a stretch there where we lost several class members and I thought…what would happen if something happened to her? So I sent her a suggestion that we should have more than one admin. She asked if I wanted to be an admin and I said sure. Later, we added a third person. That way, if my account were to be deleted and I needed to make a new account, there would be someone on my page that could approve my request to log in. Make sense?

The weekend was good. We got a lot done and went to visit the kids at their boarding stable. They needed to borrow our welder to fix a mower. The weather this week is going to be decidedly cooler so sleeping with the windows open in TOW-Wanda will be delightful!

Happy Monday, everyone!

“The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.”
Proverbs 22:3 ESV

It’s Independence Day!

Sun, 04 Jul 2021 01:30:00 -0600

The year is half gone already. Last year was 36 months long. This year seems like three so far. We enjoyed a much slower pace yesterday. While Mr. FixIt mowed the fenced yard, Little and I made up some sourdough bread and put the loaves in crocks in the garage fridge overnight to rise and ripen. If you give them a cold, slow rise you can get a bit more tartness. My sourdough is never really “sour”. It’s just such a lovely texture…especially when toasted or made into French Toast. Yummmmm!

Little told me yesterday she’s never had French Toast! I have failed as a mother if my own daughter doesn’t make French Toast for her children. Well, actually no….they just don’t eat a big breakfast at their house. We have to eat a good breakfast because Mr. FixIt takes medication that makes it necessary, and we go out and work hard most days. We need a little something to stick to our ribs.

Our big news for the night was camping! Ok…yard camping. But when you have five acres in the country, it’s your own private campground, right? Little hasn’t camped with me for a couple of years, and that was in her Mimi’s driveway. We are leaving Thursday to camp with some girlfriends of mine. We’ll be staying in a cabin, but it’s still camping. I love that Little still likes to do fun things with her Nana. I told her I wanted to do these things with her while she still thought I was cool. She said, “Nana, now I’ll fight you on that one. You’ll ALWAYS be cool!”

*heart melt*

They grow so fast.

I made up her bed in the camper and she brought all her things out that she needed for the night, climbed in bed with a Stephen King novel…IT! Oy…kids love spooky, scary stuff at that age. I thought Nancy Drew was scary when I was her age! lol Then again, I think I was still playing with Barbies! It’s truly a different era. I went through a time when I loved scary books. I remember reading Salem’s Lot one summer when Daughter #1 was about 6 or 7. Hubby #2 was off for a fishing weekend with a buddy of his, so it was just us girls and the dog. Along about midnight, when I was at a particularly scary part, three things happened in rapid succession.

The clock struck twelve and there was a blood curdling scream from the psychiatric hospital down the street from us.

Daughter #1 was sleep walking, coming down the hall with a glassy stare saying, “Mommy. Mommy. Mommy.”

And…suddenly there was a tap on my bedroom window and someone whispered…”Ginny! Ginny!!”

Holy cats!

I didn’t know where to turn. First was to take my little girl back to bed and tuck her back in. Then I came back into the bedroom and stood there quietly.

Tap, tap, tap. “Ginny! Open the door! I forgot my key!”

It was my husband! They got rained out at the lake and came home instead. I don’t think I ever really read much Stephen King after that!

Anyway…it’s the 4th of July. Independence Day. We’ll celebrate with watermelon and corn-on-the-cob and hotdogs. Then we’ll go into town to watch the fireworks with Little.

Let freedom ring!

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“and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.””
John 8:32 ESV

Four Baby Birdies and the Bath

Mon, 21 Jun 2021 01:30:00 -0600

The New Bathroom Floor

We have a security light out at the end of the house…the side we painted and put a new door on this spring. We’ve also been doing a lot of work outside on the front porch because it’s covered and Mr. FixIt can work out there when it’s raining. Sometimes a bird nests on top of that security light, but I hadn’t seen one, nor had I heard any babies chirping…but there WAS what I assumed to be and old nest up there.

Mr. FixIt came in yesterday and said there was a little baby bird out on the sidewalk that had died. I went out and looked. The baby had a few feathers, but it’s little tummy was still naked and transparent. I picked it up carefully and put it in a small cardboard box and went back to what I was doing. Five minutes later, Mr. FixIt came in again and said there was another baby bird, but this one was alive. I asked him to get the ladder and I could put it back in the nest, but it died before he could even get the ladder out of the garage. I put the second baby bird in the cardboard box.

I went back to the project I was working on, and sure enough…ten minutes later, Mr. FixIt came back in and said there was a third dead baby bird on the sidewalk. I didn’t get it. He was running a saw, but it was on the other side of the house. He was passing by twenty feet below the nest from time to time, but that shouldn’t have upset the mama bird. We needed to run to town to get some more supplies for the new bathroom, so we left for a few hours.

When we returned and put things away, I moved the rug by the door under the nest and there was another dead baby bird. I did some research and it said that sometimes a bird raising its first clutch will push her babies out of the nest because she doesn’t know what to do with them. Stress and frequent close encounters with the next may cause a bird to abandon a nest, but it was obvious this mama was kicking her babies out. I finally figured out what went wrong. When I picked up the first baby bird, my hands were nearly instantly covered with bird lice. I read in an article, if the nest is infested with lice, the parent may abandon the nest altogether or kick out the babies. So, I think that might be the answer.

It was sad and I hated to lose a whole nest of babies. I did knock the nest down later when I was sure there were no more babies up there. It’s all part of nature and living in the country. In the past, I’ve had to deal with birds nesting in places they shouldn’t be. If you take a rag and soak it in the old-fashioned liquid Lysol that comes in the brown bottle, you can then place the rag in the spot where you want to deter the birds from nesting and it will deter them. It was too dark to do that last night, so I’ll do it today.

Mr. FixIt finished the trim in the bathroom yesterday. It’s going to be so pretty when it’s done. He does REALLY good carpentry work. It may take him forever to get started on a project, but one he does, he’s a dynamo! I am one blessed little wifey…living the country life.

“Beside them the birds of the heavens dwell; they sing among the branches.”
Psalm 104:12 ESV

A Great Day for Working Outdoors!

Thu, 17 Jun 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Our son-in-law showing off a turn-of-the-century bathtub!

Yesterday was clear and bright and sunny. While it was hot in the direct sun, there was a lovely breeze and the temperature stayed comfortably in the mid 70’s. Our WV son-in-law came and helped Mr. FixIt with some long overdue work around the house. Land’s sake…they pushed and pushed and I couldn’t believe how nice it all looked when it was done.

They moved two of the campers and mowed under them. They ran the weed eater all around the yard. Our son-in-law climbed the old TV antenna and tore out the vines and cut off the very top part. They need more muscle to take the whole thing down. They went down to the creek and dug out the last few feet of the ditch that filled in with mud and debris from the flash flood earlier this week. They took the disk grinder and cut the old rusty swing set apart and got it out of there. Then they shoveled up and hauled about ten bags of sand and moved it to fill low spots in the yard.

My bonus daughter got in the pool and swept it really well. I cut up, blanched, and dehydrated a big bag of Vidalia onions, made an apple pie, grilled hot dogs for lunch and cleaned the kitchen. The house and yard are looking so nice. I still have to finish the guest bedroom. I’ve ordered fresh linens for the beds for the girls so they’ll be really comfortable while they’re here.

I love when we have the opportunity to sit around the table and talk about things. Yesterday’s topic was timely…anxiety and faith. We all have a certain level of anxiety or worry or fear. Or, more accurately…we are humans, so we are certainly prone to that. That’s why God tells us over and over and over to not be afraid…to trust in him to be there with us through our trials…to hand over the hard stuff and let him carry it. I love when you can quote scripture to back up your point. That conversation was validation as to how God works in our lives when we ask Him in.

The other day, I was feeling worried and anxious about something that hadn’t even happened yet, and likely wouldn’t happen in the way I feared. I took the advice of the author of a devotional I was reading at the time. “Stop. Just stop right now and walk away to a quiet place and talk to God.” That’s what I did. I went out to TOW-Wanda, turned on the AC, stretched out on the bed and tucked my favorite fuzzy blanket up under my chin.

Now…what was it she said to do? Ah, yes…praise God for everything He does for me. I started with that favorite blanket.

“Thank you, God…for this comforting blanket.”

“Thank you, God…for this soft pillow to rest my head.”

“Thank you, God…for this safe space I can retreat to when I need to be alone with You.”

“Thank you, God…for the soft breeze blowing and rocking the camper so gently.”

“Thank you, God…for this wonderful husband you’ve brought me to partner my life with.”

On and on…and after every “Thank you, God…” my anxiety and worry retreated farther and farther from me. And yesterday…I got to start that testimony with the kids and reinforce their faith…as well as my own. God doesn’t want us to live in a state of perpetual fear and stress. And these are certainly stressful times. God did not give us a spirit of fear, so if you are experiencing fear, worry, and anxiety…it is not coming from God. I cannot tell you how many times I have spoken aloud and told the enemy to get away from me…he has no dominion here. God knows our every thought. The enemy would like you to think he does, too…but he doesn’t. He cannot read your mind. So you have to speak aloud to him to make him go away. It’s really as easy as that.

So, it was a good day…all the way around. More things accomplished. More jobs completed. More stories told. There is nothing more beautiful than family and faith.

And…apple pie!

“For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:6-7 ESV

My Cup Runneth Over

Fri, 11 Jun 2021 01:30:00 -0600

We’ve had some big time rain in the last several days. When we had that dry stretch, the thought went through my mind...we should get the drain snake out and make sure the roots aren’t encroaching in the French drain around our house. That’s what the gutters drain into, and if we don’t keep it free and clear, we can easily end up with water in the basement. We’ve been diligent about it since last fall, but the last time we did it was just before we went to the beach in April. Needless to say, there’s been some root growth and our procrastination bit us in the butt yesterday.

I bought a water sensor several months ago. It is connected to our weather center that I bought Mr. FixIt a few years ago. The sensor sits on the cement floor by the door and as soon as it detects water, it sends a text to my phone to let me know. That’s great, except for one thing. I have notifications turned off except for emergencies and I forgot to include the sensor as an emergency! *shaking my head*

We kinda slept in yesterday. At about 9:30, I looked at my phone and there was an alarm notification for 4:00am! I jumped up and found Mr. FixIt and told him the basement was wet. We both went down and fortunately, it wasn’t bad at all. But that drain was certainly plugged up. We set up the sump pumps and got them going to try to get ahead of the game.

I didn’t feel well yesterday. I keep getting this pain between my shoulder blades and some pressure in my chest so yesterday was the day I decided to get it checked. After tests and an EKG, we decided it’s a combination of stress and my hyperparathyroidism. Both can cause symptoms that mimic a heart attack and after watching Mr. Virgo die, I don’t take chances. I came back home and rested in the afternoon and felt much better by dinner time.

Pork chops, baked potatoes, and fresh steamed asparagus is just what I needed to start eating a more balanced diet. Once I did the dishes, I went downstairs and the two of us worked on the drain. We ran the drain snake down and when it hit the spot that was clogged, the water just drained down so nice. We ran a hose down and flushed it out for ten minutes for good measure and gave each other a well deserved pat on the back.

We finished the day trimming the giant forsythia bushes along the fence. We reached as high as we could, but I refused to let either one of us get up on a ladder to trim the high stuff. I have my limits and that’s where I draw the line.

I was thinking about that drain as I sat down to write this post. Our lives are often like that drain. We go along taking good care of ourselves till we start getting too busy. Things happen...like a pandemic, and husbands with strokes, and a contentious election, and an insurrection, and your lifelong happy place sells and you can’t do anything about it, and then it’s mowing season and the house is a mess and company is coming and.....BAM! The drain clogs...the bucket gets full...my cup runneth over.

I’m better about giving things to God. I really am. But, old habits die hard and I just put my head down and put my shoulder to the wheel and keep pushing. Today is another day, and I can get up and try again. I am just really glad we got that drain unstuck and we will all work better now.

“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”
Proverbs 12:25 ESV

When Life Smacks You

Wed, 09 Jun 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Yesterday was just an ordinary day here on Marshmallow Ranch...aka the Ponderosa. We puttered around the house. Mr. FixIt worked on the drywall in the small bathroom we’ve been refinishing. We’ve been working on it for ages but other things, like strokes and covid and stuff kept pushing it to the back burner. But now, I am so grateful to say...Mr. FixIt is SO much better. He’s stronger and more himself and I’m thrilled he feels well. A job is just a job. Getting him well and happy and healthy was our first priority.

I put things away and organized my electronics and I’m almost finished with the office. I was just finishing putting a variety of cables, cameras, and recording equipment in a carry bag when I heard one of my bonus granddaughters out in the yard. She and her dad came for a visit so we took a break and sat out by the pool to talk. She told us all about her latest softball tournament and how hot it was out on the field. It was so nice to see them.

When they left, we went back to work. We used the clippers to trim back the forsythia along one side of the yard. It is absolutely amazing to me how fast things grow here. We worked till it was just too hot at 88 degrees to keep going then we stopped for lunch. Most afternoons, we stretch out for a bit during the hottest part of the day and have a little siesta, then pick up where we left off. This time, we drove into town to pick up some things then get an ice cream and sit at the park to watch the river.

By the time we got home, the sky was getting dark and we had a really good rain with some lightning and thunder. We’ve needed the moisture terribly so we were happy to have it. We sat down to watch America’s Got Talent. I really enjoy it because it reminds me of growing up watching Ted Mack’s Amateur Hour and the Ed Sullivan Show. But, it was the last act of the night that had me gob-smacked.

A tiny little wisp of a thing from Zanesville, Ohio came on to sing an original song. When asked what she does for a living, she revealed she’d been dealing with cancer over the last few years so she hadn’t worked. I know there are people who come on these shows and you think they’re just using them for ratings and sympathy. But this little gal was different. She was special. Her whole heart was open and real and authentic. She stepped to the microphone, opened her mouth, and out came the music of heaven....at least as I would imagine it to be.

She sang a song that was raw and real and told of her fight and that...it’s ok to not be ok. It’s alright. When she finished, you could have heard a pin drop till the audience finally jumped to their feed and gave her a well deserved standing ovation. Each judge spoke of how fearless she seemed and when it got to Simon, it was obvious she had really touched him. When he remarked how happy she was, she said something that I had to write down. I asked Mr. FixIt to rewind so I could be sure to get it right. She said:

“You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.”
Nightbirde

That really hit me. I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety all of my life. Moments like these are the tools I keep in my tool box for when I feel I’m struggling. I mean, this sweet, young woman with the closely cropped hair still has cancer in her lungs, her spine, and her liver. She revealed she only has a 2% chance of survival. But she looked into the camera and said, “You know? It’s not 0%...it’s 2 whole percent. I just wish people could understand how special that is.”

Sometimes life smacks you a little and says, “Wake up, kid! Look around you!” I’m so grateful I got to see little “Nightbirde” sing. You can watch HERE.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV

3,000 Days

Fri, 28 May 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Grandma’s Peonies

While Mr. FixIt busied himself fixing the door into our pole building, I headed to the farm to bring some more stuff home. I have to admit...I stretched out on Grandma’s bed for a half hour before I packed up the truck. Soaking up the atmosphere. It feels good. I really don’t have a whole lot left out there...but I don’t pack the truck too full with each load. It gives me more trips to the farm! I canceled the Dish Network account out at the farm this morning...thus ending a 23 year run with them. It will be interesting to find out how long that phone number has been in the family!

Wisteria

I had a little walkabout and photographed Grandma’s flowers. I think her peonies are the prettiest I’ve ever seen. The irises are lovely, and since irises need to be thinned on occasion, I’m going to bring just a few over to the Ponderosa and make a special flower bed out near my new mini-campground we’re putting in. I also have a she-shed in my future that I want to build out there as part of my little compound for gathering my girlfriends and campout. I have it pictured in my mind. Now I just need to gather old doors and wood to build it with! I have so many projects I want to complete here at the Ponderosa. I do believe, once it’s complete, it shall be renamed...what? Marshmallow Ranch, of course!

Clematis and Carolina Spice Bush

I got the nicest note from Frank and Beans on Wednesday night. They were on their way down to WV to work on their cabin, so when I was finished loading what I wanted to bring home yesterday, I headed up to see what’s going on. They have one of those driveways that are very common in these West Virginia hills...straight up! Well, not really...but it sure seemed that way. I jumped out of the truck to greet my newest friends and look at their place. It’s beautiful up there and they have a view that looks right out over the treetops. It reminds me of pictures taken above the canopy of a rainforest...but without the monkeys!

Iris, foreground...Rhododendron, background

When they had their driveway graded, the folks doing the work found a huge rock in the shape of a heart. It has special meaning to Frank, so I brought them another heart shaped rock I brought home from Colorado and gave it to them as a housewarming gift. I couldn’t stay long, but we vowed to stay in touch, and they reiterated I am welcome to stay at the farm anytime. Just sitting on the porch during a rainstorm will be a huge treat, let alone getting to stay for a day or two.

Iris

I stopped at the store on the way home and fixed a quick supper. We have been dining on the deck every night under the pergola. We’ve only stayed out long enough to turn the market lights on a couple of times because we’ve been so busy with projects. But I envision more late nights out there as we catch up a little. Especially when the kids are here. I’m looking forward to doing more entertaining, as well.

Iris

It’s supposed to rain today and the weather will turn quite cool over the next few days. The nights will be especially cool...good sleeping weather. I have discovered something very interesting. Now that I write in the spare bedroom, I am sleeping much more soundly when I get up and go to our room. Something about separating “work” from home has really improved my sleep hygiene. I sure wish TOW-Wanda was here and fixed already...I’d really enjoy sleeping out there on these cool nights. That’s what I get for procrastinating getting her to the RV Doctor!

Multiflora Rose

Oh, and another thing...just as a matter of course. Today marks 3,000 days since Mr. Virgo died. I never could have dreamed of this life...of experiencing joy and happiness and deep love again. I couldn’t picture myself surviving that loss, let alone coming out the other side with a beautiful and fulfilling life. I just thought I would share that with you so that...if you are bereaved...there is hope for a good life down the road. I know it’s such a hard, hard journey...but a good life is worth working for.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11 ESV

He’s Got the Little Things, Too

Sun, 16 May 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I’ve gotten a lot better about handing things over to God as I age. I just get tired and lose patience and turn it over later than I should. I told you about giving Him the taxes to handle. The rest of the story happened yesterday.

When I went to bed Thursday night, I told God I was just going to leave this folder on His desk and I’d look for his report in the morning. Well, when I got up yesterday, I went into the office and sat down. After going through that whole rigamarole over the printer and printing everything out, I still wasn’t comfortable sending it in that way. Mainly because I would have to send all those 1099’s and such, and I just wanted to keep it simple. I wanted to e-file.

I found the AGI. I even made an account on the IRS website to look at my past tax transcripts to make double sure. My main problem was, I couldn’t for the life of me remember what PIN I used last year and that was key. So that’s what I left God to work out for me while I slept. When I sat down at my desk...I kid you not...those two PINs popped in my head as clear as if I’d made them up on the spot. Now, I can’t tell you if I’ve eaten at a certain restaurant, every if I’ve been there five times in the last five years. Between grief, PTSD, the COVID year, a closed head injury from my truck accident, and my parathyroid issues...my memory is pretty bad. But God helped me remember! I put the items in their proper places and hit send. Within an hour or so, I received texts that our returns had been accepted! What a blessed relief. I may have to keep doing my taxes so I have more stories to tell...blog fodder, you know! lol

I emptied the load I brought back from the farm and put it downstairs. I left Mr. FixIt mowing and I headed out to the farm. When I got here, I could feel the changes in my bones. Not melancholy, exactly. But...I’ve been thinking a lot about this as “my last stay at my grandma’s house”. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt. I fixed a quick meal and came in and stretched out on Grandma’s bed. As I lay there, I felt the wind brush across me from the open window. I listened to the birds as they flitted through the bushes lining the creek. I got drowsy and just drifted off when there was a loud knock on the front door.

I seldom get company here, and family would come to the back door. I got up and peeked out through the curtain. There was a man on the porch.

“Hello?” I said through the closed door.

“We’re your neighbors!” The man smiled warmly and his wife said hello.

I opened the door and met the lovely couple who bought the place where my grandma got my jelly cupboard at an auction when I was around three years old. They had been on a four-wheeler ride around the back side of the farm and wanted to know if that was the property line. I got my iPad out and looked at the satellite imagery on Google maps. They showed me where they are building a cabin. I showed them where the old home place was. We talked about some of the history of the people who had lived here before me. We laughed at the rack you can’t throw a rock up this way without hitting someone we’re related to. They were delightful and we had the best conversation.

When they left, I crawled back under the covers and ended up falling asleep. When I woke up, I went looking for Charlotte...my 2nd cousin’s wife. I thought she might be at the barn, but she was at their son’s place, enjoying a cookout. I turned around and went back. There’s a steep drive and when you get to the bottom, it goes right in the creek. I stopped and looked at the water. It didn’t think it was too deep but I wasn’t sure. Then I heard Charlotte yell, “Come on down. You just drive right through that!” So, that’s what I did...holding my breath.

We had a lovely visit and just before dark, I moseyed back up to Grandma’s. There’s more to the story of today’s events, but that’s to be left for another day. This day was good enough on its own merit. It just goes to show, you can ask for God’s help with anything...large or small. He wants to be involved in every little part of your life. And by golly...thanks to Him, those taxes are done for another year!

“give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.””
Luke 6:38 ESV

God Has Bigger Hands

Sat, 15 May 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Lord, I’ve tried to keep up with everything the last few months. When I posted yesterday’s message, I was so incredibly overwhelmed with all that’s on my plate and I was at my wit’s end. So, I did what I do when the burning ends of the candle are threatening to meet in the middle. I had a conversation with God. I told him I was tired and I really needed to sleep. I said I felt like I was beating my head against a brick wall with these taxes and I just could NOT figure out what was wrong. I handed everything over to Him and said, “Can you take care of this tonight so I can rest. In the morning, you can tell me what I’m doing wrong and what I need to do to fix it.” God has bigger hands than me.

I slept like a baby.

Yesterday morning, I got up and was just heading into the office when the carpet dudes showed up. And, of course, they had to play music. It wasn’t objectionably loud, but I have a hard time concentrating when there’s noise and let me tell you...hammering nails down into concrete for fastening carpet is a noisy proposition. I was feeling the frustration rising when Mr. FixIt popped in, touched my shoulder, and said, “How’s it coming?” I said under my breath, “It would be a lot easier if they weren’t playing their music so loud.” He softened, his voice took on that tone of compassion he uses when he knows I’m tense, but he also knows I’m going to have to suck it up a little bit and put on my big girl panties.

“They need the music, baby. It helps get them through long, hard days.”

He know just what to say and how to say it. I saw it through their eyes and realized, laying carpet is backbreaking work. The least thing they could have is the joy music gives them while doing it. My shoulders loosened and I tuned out the tunes.

I opened the computer and said to God, “Ok...show me what you’ve got.” I closed my eyes and thought it through. There are files on the hard drive where TurboTax saves your returns. Yes...I had started an amended return when I couldn’t figure out what was wrong, but thank goodness I listened to that still small voice and didn’t file it. I had looked for the folder before and couldn’t find it. I looked in a different folder and...eureka!!! I found the original file, opened it...and all the info I thought was missing was right there in front of me! Thank you, God!

I have no idea why TurboTax didn’t transfer the data from the year before, but I just used the figures and it worked out fine. Well...that is, until I filed the returns online. They were rejected. Something about a PIN and my AGI. I decided to print the returns and just mail them in. Alas...no working printers. Went to town to Office Depot, bought an inexpensive printer, and voila...I printed out everything I need...including last year’s return for my records.

Tonight I’m going to give it to God again and ask him to help me figure out what I did wrong with the e-file and see if I can try it again this morning.

In the meantime...we have NEW CARPET! I sent photos to my peeps. Other than the one time I built a house (after a divorce), I’ve never had new carpet. I feel like SUCH an adult! lol It turned out so pretty. And the vinyl laminate flooring Mr. FixIt put in the entryways is perfect! He started putting things back in the room and I asked him to wait. I want to be more selective about what we put in there. I don’t want it to be too cluttery like it was before.

More things checked off the list!

It was a good day.

“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 ESV

The Ice Cream Dodge

Fri, 14 May 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Lands...I’d say this has been a crazy couple of weeks, but it’s been like this since the end of February! I came home Wednesday while the Open House was going on over at the farm. I can’t even tell you what I did when I got home. But yesterday, I started in on the taxes first thing while Mr. FixIt worked on the flooring in the entryway by both doors of the family room. The carpet comes today and we’re ready. Between fussing with the computer and trying to help my sweetheart, I’d just about had it by evening. So, I insisted we take a break and go get ice cream.

We took our treats over to the park by the river, but it seems everyone in four counties had the same idea so we couldn’t sit in our usual spot with the view of the water. I calmed down, ate my chocolate/vanilla twist, and we headed home.

Have any of you used Turbo Tax? I’ve always used it and have never had a problem. Till this year. When I started doing this year’s taxes, some of the lines from last year didn’t populate. I went into the 2019 returns and there’s only about half of the data entered! I am certain I had the returns printed so I would have a hard copy, but I can’t seem to put my finger on them. All the extra space is filled with stuff from the carpeting project. I can’t seem to find the PDF file with our returns from 2020 and I’m about to pull my hair out.

I know...I’m the absolute WORST procrastinator. And they even gave us an extra month! I’m sure if I sleep on it, it’ll look better in the morning. Hopefully.

Adding all this extra clutter isn’t helping, either. I remember back to the time of a clutter free existence. It was so freeing and liberating and soothing. Now there’s crap...I mean, precious family treasures...EV-RY-WHERE! I don’t drink, so a glass of wine is out. It’s too cold to go sit outside and count the stars. So, I will do what I should have done in the first place. Invite Jesus to come right over here and carry this load for a while and let me rest. Tomorrow is another day!

I’ll tell you what, though. I’m NOT doing the taxes ever again! I’m letting the pros do it from now on. I don’t need this meshugaas!

“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.”
Psalm 55:22 ESV

The Strawberry Shed

Mon, 26 Apr 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I’m gearing up for a busy week both here on the Ponderosa and out at the farm. Both need mowing desperately. This is the time of year you can almost hear the grass growing. Warm days and spring rains bring everything to life here in West Virginia. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, you have to stay on top of this stuff or it can so get out of hand.

We’ll bring Pumpkin home from the Kitty Hilton today. We sent her favorite kitty food with her this time in hopes that she isn’t as skinny as she was the last time we brought her home. There are errands to run in town, but I may send Mr. FixIt in to do those while I run the mower over the fields. I find it quite meditative and enjoyable.

We’ll go out to the farm Tuesday and mow. I’m anticipating driving separate vehicles so I can stay for a few days. There’s so much work to do out there, and I truly need some alone time to let out the tears that I’ve been holding in since I saw the auction listing. All that just makes saying goodbye more real. I am so pleased we have till July 3rd to vacate the premises, though. There’s a little more time.

Today’s photo from the farm came from the sale website and I had to share it. This is what we called the Strawberry Shed” where the ladies sorted the strawberries as they came from the field. Then, sometime in the mid afternoon, PopPop would take me with him in the old Ford pickup and take a load of strawberries to the local Farmer’s Market. Women would line up and grab the berries off the conveyor belt before they even got in the store. That rusty metal rectangle on the side was lifted up and hooked to chains to create an awning to shade the berries and keep things cool inside. I’d love to take that off and use it as a decorative piece someday...either in a family room, dining room, or sunroom...or maybe in the garden. But, now that it’s in the auction piece, I don’t think I could get it. I’ll have to make due with photos and memories.

I’m making great progress on the shawl I’m knitting, but I’m finding I simply cannot follow the pattern if the television is on. I do much better if I wear my headphones and listen to my “writing soundtrack”...the sounds of a roaring fire and a thunderstorm. I discovered the pattern is for a short shawl and if you want a longer version, which I do, you need to buy three more skeins of yarn. They didn’t have one of the colors I needed at the shop where I bought the kit, but I found another website and got two skeins on sale. I have someone special in mind for this piece and I’d like to have it finished before her birthday.

So, we’ll hit the ground running and see what we can accomplish with the gift of this week. Yesterday was a lovely day of rest and I thoroughly enjoyed my recliner and my knitting.

“He has filled them with skill to do every sort of work done by an engraver or by a designer or by an embroiderer in blue and purple and scarlet yarns and fine twined linen, or by a weaver—by any sort of workman or skilled designer.”
Exodus 35:35 ESV

An Employee Shortage

Thu, 22 Apr 2021 01:30:00 -0600

This trip to the beach has been different than any I’ve made so far. Usually this week is moderately busy...wedged between Spring Break and Bike Week, you almost always have lines to get into restaurants and bars. Places may be closed on Sunday, but almost always things open back up on Monday. This time, there are a lot of places only open from Wednesday through Saturday. And the reason is...they can’t find workers.

That may be because of unemployment insurance. If they can get paid the same...or MORE than what they were making working forty hours a week, there are a boatload of folks opting to ride the benefit wave till it runs out. In the meantime, they’re doing I don’t know what...traveling? Taking a class online? Learning to knit? I will say, I saw more kite surfers than I’ve ever seen before, so there’s that.

The paucity of reliable employees has caused some real frustration with business owners down here. I saw a few signs that said “this location is closed because we can’t get good help. Come see us at our other store. AND, if you want a fun job, call ###-###-####.” For those who ARE open, they’re doing the best they can to provide good service...sometimes to an unappreciative, if not totally clueless crowd.

I stumbled upon this sign in Tullio’s Bakery Tuesday morning. I can only imagine what kind of abuse their employees were faced with to warrant such a warning, but I have to say...when I was in there, the little gal was darling and very patient as I made my choices. BTW...Tullio’s is much better than Duck Donuts. They had real flavor as opposed to the greasy sugar bombs Duck Donuts throws out. (Sorry, DD...assembly line cake donuts from a mix is not a donut...it is fried cake. I don’t usually diss a product, but they left a lot to be desired.)

I left yesterday in the middle of the morning to go to my favorite knitting shop. I was sad to hear Jeanne, the owner, wasn’t there due to a family issue. I really missed visiting with her. But, I picked up a few things. They always have some custom died yarns and I love them so much. As I was heading south to Knitting Addiction, I noticed the thermometer on the truck was already 74! I called Mr. FixIt and told him to be ready...as soon as I finished my little shopping foray, I wanted to pick him up and go have some fun! It was too nice of a day to miss out on play time!

We drove all the way down to the tip of the island to Hatteras Village. I stopped at my other favorite yarn shop in the back on The Blue Pelican Gallery. I bought a kit for Little so I can teach her to knit, and a shawl kit for me. We wandered around the shops and stopped to see some sights. Then, we got a seafood dinner to go and had a picnic as we watched the sunbeams shining down through little breaks in the clouds. It was really a glorious day. It got all the way up to 78 and I was one happy little camper!

Today is supposed to be much cooler and rainy, so we are hanging around the condo and I’ll start a new knitting project. Tomorrow is our last day and it’s supposed to be warm and sunny so we’ll spend as much time on the beach as we can. The week at the beach always goes WAY too fast and we will soon be heading back to West Virginia. I’ll get out to the farm for a few days alone just as soon as I can. And Mr. FixIt will finish the work on the master bath, with the help of his best friend, Harry.

At least we didn’t get the snow they had in Colorado...OR in West Virginia! There’s something to be said for getting away to the beach at this time of year!

“But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”
Romans 8:25 ESV

Adjust Your Dreams...Again!

Tue, 20 Apr 2021 01:30:00 -0600

When Mr. Virgo and I were beginning to think about retirement, I was adamant about one thing. I was NOT going to spend my retirement sitting in front of the television all day, every day...day in and day out. It wasn’t going to happen. That’s when I struck upon the idea of getting a camper. He was an avid golfer and I figured he would be thrilled to toodle along with me, towing our little house on wheels from course to course. Surprisingly, he agreed and we started looking for the perfect camper.

Fast forward a few months and he had died, along with so many dreams of the future we had planned. Television was no longer a part of my life, but the price I paid for quiet evenings was dreadfully steep. I disconnected the satellite and didn’t look back. For five years, I traveled and wrote and learned to live alone for the first time in my life. Eventually the pain of my grief eased, but I never, ever missed television one iota.

When I came off the road and started living at the farm, the TV was hooked up to satellite and I felt it was important, living that far out on my own, to have some access to news and weather. So, I kept it...but didn’t watch it. Then...along came Mr. FixIt.

We had strict rules at the farm. We did not watch TV. We played cards, cooked dinner together, and went for long walks. We created projects to do and went for drives in the country and literally just sat on the porch and watched it rain. It was peaceful and he was so happy to be with me, he never pushed the “no TV” rule.

Ahhhh....as with all things, the honeymoon was short lived. When we moved into the big house at the Ponderosa, there was a new set of rules. It started out slowly. The news. Maybe a sitcom or two. Then, before I knew what was happening, the TV was on WAY more than my liking. But, I learned something in losing Mr. Virgo. It wasn’t all about me. It was never meant to be all about me. I was just trying to make it so because it was something I loathed and I wanted him to loathe it as well.

I’ve posted a meme here many times and included my Ten Rules in the care and feeding of a relationship. One of them was... “Don’t try to change him. You cannot change him. Do not, do not, do not try to change him.” I’ve given up on the TV thing. If Mr. FixIt wants to watch the TV till the cows come home...fine. I cannot change him. However, I CAN change me and how I respond to it. That’s when I started devoting the hours before bed to my writing and reading my devotionals and catching up with family and friends.

So, here we are at the beach. After the news, I picked up my iPad and came down to the bedroom to write. And, lo and behold, about ten minutes later, he popped his head in the door and asked if I wanted to head down to the sound to watch the sunset. You bet I do, sweetheart! I’m closing this for the night and going out with my love and watch the sun close on another lovely day away...just he and me...and no TV!

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”
Galatians 5:16 ESV

When “Thoughts and Prayers” are Not Enough

Wed, 24 Mar 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I don’t want to make this a political issue. I want to make it a human issue. I don’t want the government to come take all the guns and destroy them. I don’t know how they could possibly do that, anyway. There’s way too many of them. But there is one thing that is perfectly clear to me.

We have to do something.

The King Soopers shooter was born three days before the Columbine shooting. Twenty-one years ago. How many have there been since then? Yeah...I know. A lot less than car accidents and heart attacks and cancer and Covid. I get that. But, this is supposed to be a civilized society.

After living in Colorado for forty years, and as a mother and grandmother and sister and friend of Colorado residents...my heart was in my throat when I heard “King Soopers Shooter” and “Colorado” in the same sentence. Where are my kids? My grandchildren? My friends? When they said the shooting was in Boulder, I had one second of relief. Then I was drawn back to the thought of all this unimaginable loss. My heart squeezed tight thinking of the shoppers that witnessed the shooting. The family members with the knock on the door.

The inevitable “I’m so sorry”.

Then I got angry. I felt like he’d messed with MY people...MY state...MY home. I wanted to scream....

“Stop it! Just STOP!!!”

We have to DO something.

But what? Sensible gun control? Register ammunition? Draw and quarter mass shooters in the village square? It appears from early statements there may be mental illness at play in this case...although, how can you say anyone who commits such an atrocity is sane? At the very least...make it more difficult to get a lethal weapon. Hell, I had to sign a contract with my doctor to have regular appointments to monitor my use of anxiety medication. But, I could go out tomorrow and buy an AR-15???

How long can we sit in our comfortable homes with our families around us and “send our thoughts and prayers” for these innocent victims and their families? It seems such empty rhetoric. The easy way out.

The families of every victim of gun violence need so much more than our thoughts and prayers.

When is enough going to really BE enough?

Please....please...just make it STOP.

Sending thoughts and prayers then moving on the next week isn’t cutting it anymore.

WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING...NOW!!!

? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

“Then Jesus said to him, “Put your sword back into its place. For all who take the sword will perish by the sword.”
Matthew 26:52 ESV

Day 365: Documenting a Lost Year That Saved Me

Wed, 17 Mar 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I woke up in the stillness of our hotel room. My husband slept quietly by my side. I turned over and reached for my phone...6:05. I closed my eyes, willing myself back to sleep...to no avail. I felt...uneasy. My radar was up and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong. Usually I’ll take a quick look at the news, but yesterday I went straight to the weather. As soon as I saw the first weather warning for the south, I sat bolt upright in bed....just enough to stir Mr. FixIt. He knew by the look on my face, I meant business.

“We need to head home...today.” I handed him my phone with the weather map.

“Yeah...I heard something about this last night.”

He was worried enough to take notice of the weather, but worried enough to leave the sunshine a whole day early? Hmmmmmm....maybe not.

I smiled at him and said, “Come on, get up! I miss the neighbor’s rooster!”

He laughed. I don’t think he likes the rooster as much as I do!

We were packed and on the road in fairly short order. He wouldn’t let me drive, even though I felt much better yesterday than the day before. He is a wise man. By the time we stopped for the evening, I was whupped...and all I did was ride along and read road signs.

I love road trips. We left the interstate for a while and cut off a few miles getting from Port Richey to Jacksonville. We passed lots of roadside stands selling strawberries, blueberries, and Vidalia Onions. We didn’t stop though. We basically just drove and talked and ate popcorn all day. It was a nice way to end what was often a wicked hard year.

I won’t count the days anymore. Things will change along the way and I’ll note them, but no matter how hard you beg, God will not tell you how many days you have on this earth. I documented a year...yet ANOTHER year. A year out of EIGHT years that I’ve shared with you. There was fear, sadness, hope, love, frustration, boredom, loneliness, pain, and change. So, so much change. Isn’t that the one thing we can always count on in life? Change? I’d be a lot happier if I didn’t have to face quite so MUCH change in just one year, but we don’t get to choose that either. We only get to choose what we do with it.

I think I’ve done ok with my lost year. I think, in many ways...it made me find more of myself. But I truly, truly wish all those beautiful people had just one more year to love their people. That’s the thing about life.

We always think there is time.

NOTE: If you are in the way of the storms this week, please do be careful! My prayers are with you!!! ?

“The angel showed me a river that was crystal clear, and its waters gave life. The river came from the throne where God and the Lamb were seated. Then it flowed down the middle of the city's main street. On each side of the river are trees that grow a different kind of fruit each month of the year. The fruit gives life, and the leaves are used as medicine to heal the nations.”
Revelation 22:1-2 CEV

Day 359: Adulting 101

Wed, 10 Mar 2021 02:30:00 -0600

Dinner at Chez McKinney...table for two!

I can stay in for days and days at a time and find plenty to do. But, once I had my pre-op Covid test yesterday, they gave me a little instruction sheet. It said ...”Go straight home and stay there till you come to the hospital for surgery.” Are you kidding me??? I’m in FLORIDA. It’s 70 degrees and sunny! Waaaaaaaah....SO not fair. Well, ok...the adult in me says I surely wouldn’t want to come this far and run the risk of getting sick and not being able to have my surgery. That would be stupid. So, I’m sucking it up and putting on my big girl panties. *sigh*

That’s not the only adult thing I’ve done lately. I mean...we both have our vaccines. We’ve made wills. And...I placed our very first DoorDash order last night!!! I think that makes us certified grownups. Or was that when we got our first AARP card? Hard to know. All I know is, this all feels really good. Like we’re finally making great strides towards a new normal. And we had Outback delivered to our hotel room. We can’t get that at home...we live too far out in the country. It’s probably a good thing. We’d go broke, we’d get fat, and I’d never cook again!

As I sat down to write last night, I heard a train in the distance. I love that sound...it takes me back to my childhood when I’d hear the trains going up and down along the Ohio river a few block from our house. Then, when I built my house in Western Colorado, I could hear the trains on the other side of the hill behind our house...their lonesome whistle signaling the one place where traffic crossed the tracks. When I lived in my camper up by the river, the trains came by on the other side of the field and I could feel the rumble of their passing in my chest. Visiting Sue in the Denver Metro area always brought trains in the middle of the night and I found them comforting. As a matter of fact, there have only been two places I’ve ever lived where trains weren’t present in my everyday life...out on the farm...and on the Ponderosa.

As the train came closer, Mr. FixIt pulled the curtain back in our room and....there it went. Slowly rolling past the parking lot outside our window in Downtown Tampa. I love that sound. It takes me home.

When is adulting easy? When we are too young to understand the full scope of the responsibilities we are juggling...or, when we’ve had enough hard experiences that our vision is a little more acute? I guess adulting is what we make of it. If we don’t win, we learn....and that’s really winning in the long run, isn’t it.

“Love should always make us tell the truth. Then we will grow in every way and be more like Christ, the head of the body. Christ holds it together and makes all of its parts work perfectly, as it grows and becomes strong because of love.”
Ephesians 4:15-16 CEV

Day 348: An Attitude of Gratitude

Sat, 27 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

I kept a “Gratitude Journal” for years before I ever started writing this blog. When I was going through some of the darkest days of my life (up to that point), I wrote in it every night. I proclaimed my gratitude for everything in my life...large and small. At the time, I hadn’t learned that we must be grateful in everything...good AND bad. Believe me, it is not easy to find gratitude in our most challenging places, but I have always made an attempt to at least look.

Sometimes my list was long...full of beautiful and glorious examples of my many blessings. Some days, I was hard pressed to find one thing. Sometimes I just wrote...I didn’t die today. And as hard as that day may have been, I found gratitude in getting to try again. Where your thoughts go, so goes your heart. By repeatedly focusing my attention to the many things I had to be grateful for, the little things I stumbled over really didn’t seem so bad.

When Mr. Virgo died, it took a very, very long time to find gratitude. Not in his dying, but in his living and that he chose to live what turned out to be the rest of his life...with ME. I found gratitude that he hadn’t suffered a long and lingering death. Or that he hadn’t become feeble and frail and in need of constant insufferable indignities to his person. He would have hated infirmity. I was grateful I said yes when he asked me out. It turned out there was so much to be grateful for.

As we live our day to day lives through the continuing pandemic and upheaval in the world, I do take comfort that my fight or flight response has calmed down considerably. I was beginning to clearly suffer adrenal burnout from the constant influx of cortisol. My “covid kitchen” body has seen its better days and I must say, I was tremendously relieved when our 50th High School Reunion was postponed till next year. It gives me more time to get this extra poundage off of my far too ample frame.

I checked in with my friends who also had their vaccines on Thursday. We are all faring pretty well the same...sore arm, maybe a little malaise. Nothing serious at the time of this writing. When I checked in with Diane, she reminded me of all the many blessings we have received through this mass vaccination effort.

First, we live in a state that surprised us in having their act together surrounding the covid crisis. West Virginia is a shining example of how to administer vaccines in a steady and organized fashion. We didn’t have to struggle to get scheduled. Other than the little bobble thrown by Mother Nature last week, we didn’t have a bit of trouble getting both doses of the vaccine. We have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. We are fortunate to be retired with a steady, albeit fixed income. Our kids are safe and secure and in good health.

Ok, so...we have the aches and pains of aging. Big deal. So does everyone else. You don’t get to this age without something and if you have managed to...then good on you! You get to count TWICE as many blessings in your Gratitude Journal. There is so much sadness and pain in the world and I personally know some who are really struggling now. I am grateful they have God to lean on and to carry them through the trials they are facing.

I had my semiannual Zoom meeting to monitor my brother’s care yesterday. He has grown a “covid beard” in the last year, but unfortunately he cannot trim it himself and the barber couldn’t either because it would necessitate taking off his mask. He’s beginning to resemble the guys from Duck Dynasty, and I could tell he was self conscious about it. We worked out a plan where a staff member who is also a hairdresser will come in and trim his beard for him. I know he’ll feel so much better afterwards. He’s very excited about the day program reopening next week and he’ll get to go participate in some activity once a week.

My greatest point of gratitude is that he has had both of his shots so he is safer now. And, since we have had ours, come hell or high water, we are going to Colorado this year to help him celebrate that very special 70th Birthday in style!

Embrace every single part of your day with an attitude of gratitude and I guarantee...your heart will soon be lighter...more full and free!

“And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
Colossians 3:17 ESV

Day 340: Always Have a Plan B!

Fri, 19 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

Do you ever plan something and then, for no real reason you can put your finger on...you begin to feel uneasy about it? I’ve felt that way for an entire month, ever since I scheduled my surgery. It was never enough to really DO anything about it based on just feeling a little off. But still, it kind of feel a little off.

Yesterday morning, I awoke to a text from my friend Diane saying the vaccine clinic had been rescheduled to next Thursday due to inclement weather. I got up and looked out the window and we had a good 5” of new snow on top of what we already had. Believe, I was blessedly relieved that we didn’t have to go out and drive in that mess.

Having our shots next Thursday instead of yesterday presents a different problem. It means it will only be two days after our shots that we are scheduled to pack the truck and drive to Florida. If we have a reaction and don’t feel our best, the last thing I want to do is start on a long road trip. And, we’ll be staying in hotels for nearly two weeks. I want at least ten days of immunity before we do that. So...that left only one option. Postpone the surgery.

Initially, I asked if we could postpone for two weeks. Unfortunately, that puts us right square into the first week of spring break. That’s something we pearly want to avoid, covid or not. Instead, we pushed the surgery back one full week. That will give us enough time to be on top of our game before we pack up and head out on a road trip. It also puts us closer to the middle of March and hopefully this winter weather will have wound down by that time.

As soon as I rescheduled, I felt a sense of relief. It felt like a “better fit”, if that makes any sense to you. After this many trips around the sun, I’ve learned to pay attention to my gut and if my gut says this is better, then it’s better.

Some time after dark last night, I was video chatting with Daughter #1 on her way home from work when Mr. FixIt got up and looked out the back door. There were tail lights out in our field. Two cars had tried to pass each other on our little road and as soon as the pickup truck’s tires went off the edge of the road, he knew he was a goner. Down he went into the field and Mr. FixIt made a bee line out there as fast as he could before the guy spun too much and tore up the grass. The young fellow in the pickup called his dad to come down with the 4-wheeler to pull him out and they were soon on their way.

I’ve been playing with my genealogy all week so I need to write today. I have some writing jobs to send out, so I’ll work on that and start getting things together for the taxes. And, today is Friday...another week closer to spring!

“I ask the glorious Father and God of our Lord Jesus Christ to give you his Spirit. The Spirit will make you wise and let you understand what it means to know God.”
Ephesians 1:17 CEV

Day 339: The Grander Scheme of Things

Thu, 18 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

We are supposed to have our second Covid shot today, but the weatherman says Mother Nature may not cooperate with us. I’m praying the roads are clear and the vaccine clinic isn’t rescheduled. I want to have as much time between the vaccine and my surgery as possible...not only to improve my chances of staying healthy on our trip to Florida, but also to make sure I feel my best when we get there.

I baked the Chocolate Chip Cookies yesterday. The turned out great...thick, golden around the edges, crispy on the outside, moist and chewy on the inside. Really sweet...but so flavorful. I rarely make a cookie recipe that you have to chill the dough. I don’t have the patience and when I bake cookies,, it’s usually because I’m having a hankering for something sweet and I don’t want to wait for it. Patience is not my virtue, really.

We also took down the Christmas decorations and alas...the living room window looks so bare and sad. The nights are getting visibly shorter though, so I’m not quite as upset about it as I would have been in early January. I carefully wrapped each precious ornament in newspaper and tucked them inside a big plastic bin to keep them safe till next year. I told Mr. FixIt as we toted them downstairs to the storage room...leaving them up this late will just make the time feel shorter till we put them up again.

As I was working on my genealogy yesterday, I ran across a 2nd great grandmother who was repeatedly listed as her mother’s sibling. I had such a hard time trying to figure out what was going on when I finally found her birth certificate. It turns out, her mother was unmarried and there was no father in the picture, so the grandparents registered the birth as their child. I suppose in the 1800’s, it was easier to get away with doing that. And, it was a proper way to save face.

I imagine that happened a lot back in those days. It made me think about how complex genealogy will become in the generations to come. People living together without being married, having babies on their own, same sex marriages, and transgendered individuals may be difficult to trace two hundred years from now. Then again, it’s hard to even imagine the world two hundred years from now, isn’t it? I mean, look what’s happened in the last two hundred. If somehow George Washington could be transported to 2021, he wouldn’t recognize what we’ve done to his country.

These are things that keep me up at night. Well, actually...these are the things that I occupy my mind with when I can’t sleep. One game I play is imagining all the human things that are happening at the same time. There are babies being born and people dying...all at the same time...every minute of every day. People are marrying and divorcing. Tragedies are happening while at the very same moment, great celebrations take place. It makes me feel more connected to the greater web of humanity when I picture some people dancing in the rain while others are huddled inside, trying to keep warm. Some are fed and some are hungry.

On the basest of levels...every single one of us is connected in some primal way. This is the thinking of climatologists, anthropologists, and philanthropists. This must be the way Bill Gates looks at the world and wonders how he can use his vast wealth and intellect to help humanity. When Mr. Virgo worked at the Hotel Jerome in Aspen, he and the general manager of the hotel were the only people with a high enough security clearance to work in the room at the Forstman-Little Conference. This was an event where people came together and talked about the world and how they see its problems. Notables from around the globe gathered...politicians, dignitaries, sports figures, news people, financiers...notables from all walks of life. I found it fascinating and would have given just about anything to sit quietly in the back of the room to listen.

We live such small lives...like ants in a colony...doing our thing, feeding our people, working to put food on the table. I find it refreshing to think larger from time to time, if for no other reason that to shake the cobwebs off and do something...anything...to create a lasting legacy, making my mark on the world. I was talking with Daughter #2 the other day about my writing. I told her...there may come a day, 100 years from now, when my descendants will stumble upon this blog and find it a fascinating glimpse into the life of their 3rd great grandmother’s world. That is another reason I write...and it makes me smile.

“These are things we learned from our ancestors, and we will tell them to the next generation. We won't keep secret the glorious deeds and the mighty miracles of the Lord. God gave his Law to Jacob's descendants, the people of Israel. And he told our ancestors to teach their children, so that each new generation would know his Law and tell it to the next.”
Psalms 78:3-6 CEV

Day 335: When Time Crawls...or Is It Valentine’s Day Already???

Sun, 14 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

February is the longest month....EV-ER!!!! I swear...we’re only in the middle of it and it’s been six months long already. I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished much. But I’ve been working on my genealogy, knitting a little, keeping up with friends and family. Big had her second swim meet of the year and I got to see that remotely. Daughter #2 called with a video chat. Mundane stuff...a little boring, a lot repetitive.

Today is Valentine’s Day. Normally, Mr. FixIt would have walked in with a bouquet of flowers and a card. But, between covid and snowy roads, he hasn’t been anywhere that sells them. He did bring me a pumpkins roll, so I’m counting that. Our trip to the beach will have to be our Valentine to each other this year.

I’m thinking of my friends who are new widows this Valentine’s Day. I opened Facebook yesterday and the roses and little heart shaped cake Mr. Virgo surprised me with nine years ago was my first “Memory” that popped up. Those things used to kill me. Interestingly, as I was working on my genealogy this week, a little green leaf popped up on Mr. Virgo’s listing. That’s unusual because I don’t know of anyone on his side that’s working him up. I clicked on the little leaf.

I was stunned. There was his high school graduation picture. I only knew him with a head full of silver hair. Here was this handsome young man in a white dinner jacket...his hair neatly combed in the style he always wore. I could see the same fastidious grooming he always had. I had never seen him at that age and I couldn’t take my eyes away. It’s like I found some buried treasure that was so valuable, I just wanted to look at it for a little while before I put it safely in a drawer.

Here’s a piece I wrote on the first Valentine’s Day after Mr. Virgo died where I talk about the scar tissue grief leaves. I didn’t even mention the significance of the day, which tells me I was trying hard not to think about the significance. It’s amazing how time changes your perspectives. In the midst of it, I never would have dreamed I could breathe again or not feel the constant gut-wrenching pain of his loss.

My dear friend and long time reader, Jackie, reminded me of something. I wrote this before God nudged me to write about Him in my posts. Of course, it is God who stitches us together. Any time I try to take the needle, I botch things up!

I am grateful...that I had Mr. Virgo...I’m grateful that God stitched me back together...and that I have another beautiful life with my wonderful Mr. FixIt.

“Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day.”
Colossians 2:16 NIV

Day 331: Lost Time...Or Gratitude? You Choose!

Wed, 10 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

I’ve been feeling a sense of loss lately and couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Although it felt familiar, it seemed like it was attached to something filed away in the deep recesses of my mind. It resembles grief, but not the deep grief I experienced losing Mr. Virgo. It’s more like the feeling I had after a different life altering event...my overdose.

We’ve talked about that here in the past. It happened January 6, 2000...but it was a long time coming. There were seven long years of clinical depression, medical mismanagement, and self-medicating that led up to that sentinel event. And when I came out the other side, it was like waking up from a decade-long medically induced coma. I quite literally lost most of my late thirties into my early forties. I came out feeling robbed of my best years. I mourned that loss for quite some time.

The loss of Mr. Virgo caused a different type of grief, yet I still felt robbed of the future we had planned. Robbed of my partner, my standard of living, my understanding of who I was. It seems I had barely rebuilt my life from the overdose, when I had to rebuild it again because he died.

This is not nearly as intense as either of those, yet of enough import as to mention it here. One of the hardest things about hyperparathyroidism is the length of time it takes to get a diagnosis. The symptoms are so easily dismissed by doctors as being all in your head. I mean, really...who complains of pains that migrate from your left foot to your right arm to your left calf, etc? Getting forgetful? Well, you’re of a certain age now...it’s to be expected. Cranky? Hey, you’re post-menopausal. All women get that way. Can’t sleep? Hey, join the club. It goes on and on.

You truly have to be your own health advocate when you deal with the medical community. There are ways of approaching doctors that don’t insult them and make them feel you don’t trust their opinion. And, if they do get all that huffy, then you end up changing doctors and start the process all over again. I read a source yesterday that said the average time from the onset of the symptoms of hyperparathyroidism and the diagnosis and required surgery is 8+ years. It would be easy to feel robbed of those years that you could have been feeling better, if only your doctor would have listened to you and checked your parathyroid hormone. Eight long years. At this stage in the game, when there are less years ahead of my next birthday than there are behind it, that is significant.

I sat and contemplated that yesterday and looked for the silver lining. There’s almost always a silver lining. I think the biggest is the advancements in the surgery involved to removed a parathyroid tumor. If I would have had this surgery even ten years ago, it would be a major ordeal. The incision used to be at least four inches long, and sometimes a vertical incision was added creating a huge upside down, T-shaped scar. The surgery might take three or four hours making it a major ordeal. The risks were huge with a surgery like that. It wasn’t uncommon to clip the nerve to the vocal chords and cause you to lose your voice, or...God forbid...both nerves causing paralysis of the voice box. Then you’d have to have a tracheostomy in order to breathe. Not good!

Another benefit is, we caught it now...and not ten years from now. This is not an innocuous disease. It robs calcium from your bones, can cause kidney, heart and liver damage, and shorten your life by many years. I don’t believe I’ve had hyperparathyroidism longer than four years or so. Granted, over those four years, my symptoms have continually gotten worse, but...through my medical knowledge, understanding and self-advocacy, and through the sharp mind of a wonderful nurse practitioner...I’m ahead of the game.

Yes, I could feel robbed of precious time, but I’ve learned from the past, that doesn’t serve me. Being grateful for what you do have, and what you DON’T have, keeps your mind in the right place. It doesn’t help a bit to live in the past. And now that I know what this is, and that there are so many others who suffer from it, I can be an advocate and an educator. And that puts me in a much healthier stance. Always looking forward in gratitude and with hope.

Read more about hyperparathyroidism HERE.

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
James 1:17 NIV

Day 329: Sifting Through the Sands of Time

Mon, 08 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

Super Bowl Sunday was decidedly different this year. We always have the whole family over and I make trays and trays of wings and finger foods. We have that great queso cheese in the slow cooker and spinach artichoke dip. Crudités and chips for dipping. This year featured me and Mr. FixIt and leftover roast chicken sandwiches. Quiet and a little lonely. I sure miss the kids, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel. The second dose of the covid vaccine comes soon, then I feel like we can breathe a little easier.

I spent the day nosing around Ancestry filling in the blanks on Mr. FixIt’s side of the family. It’s a little easier when I work on it while he’s in the room with me. It’s neat when I find pictures of family members that neither of us have seen. We found a lot of information about ancestors who fought in the Civil War. All the while, watching the last football game of the season.

I’m one of those fair weather fans who get into things like The Final Four and Super Bowl. Don’t ask me to sit and watch every game throughout the entire season. I just can’t do it. However, I love the excitement of the finished product. I especially enjoy the Super Bowl commercials. There were some funny ones this year. There were quite a few that were heart warming and gave all the feels. And, of course...there were several that left us looking at each other and saying, “What the heck was that all about?” I especially enjoyed the Jeep commercial with Bruce Springsteen. It’s about re-uniting and meeting in the middle...a place I sorely hope we can find again sooner rather than later.

One of the high points of my weekend was watching “Big” in her high school swim meet. She is on two teams...high school and competitive. She had high hopes to be in the Olympics this summer. It’s good to have goals, and...it’s really good when you are confident in your abilities and know when and where to focus your energy. At one point, she had to make a choice with swimming....strictly competitive or college team focused. She’s a bright girl. She’ll have academic and athletic scholarships and she’ll have a good choice of colleges. And, at the end of this month, she’ll be 17! Honest...I have no idea how she grew up so fast.

There is a girl on her team who never swam before this year. First meets are so stressful and this girl came off the block and did a belly flop. Then, she was lapped by everyone else at least twice. But she kept going no matter how long it took. I was so proud of her for not giving up. But I was even more proud that Big supported her and comforted her. She has such a big heard and is the kind of student the others look up to. You can’t ask for much more in a persona than that.

So, it’s Monday. It’s a new week. Tom Brady won another Super Bowl with Tampa Bay as a relatively “old guy”. Let’s bring the world back to center and rise up...let’s make it a great week!

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Galatians 6:2 NIV

Day 328: The PushMe-PullYou

Sun, 07 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

Do you remember the movie “Doctor Doolittle”? There was a two-headed llama called a PushMe-PullYou. I always got a kick out of it because...being a Gemini...I could really relate. I’m always going in at LEAST two different directions...often times more. That has become decidedly more difficult since I am “of a certain age” now. But it is complicated by one of the nasty symptoms of my hyperparathyroidism.

I have read so much about this disease in the last six months and it’s fascinating. It’s a disease than can cut your life short, yet the culprits are four tiny little glands no bigger than a grain of rice attached to the back of the thyroid. It’s not easy to diagnose. The symptoms can sound like they’re all in your head which, unfortunately, too many doctors assume are. And, they can make you feel like you’re going crazy or getting Alzheimer’s.

Once I finally got on the right track towards a diagnosis, then the fight became finding a doctor that believed me. We have to be our own advocates when we are ill. When I grew up, I was taught that doctors are to be revered and never questioned. Then I was was married to one for 21 years and I know for a fact...they put their pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. That being said, it does take a bit of diplomacy when showing your primary care doctor the evidence that substantiates a diagnosis of hyperparathyroidism. It seems, they may put their pants on one leg at a time, but their egos to bruise easily.

I’ve been blessed that the nurse practitioner in my PCP’s office is the one who ordered my tests and made the diagnosis. I didn’t have any trouble getting a referral to an endocrinologist, however, I was not at all happy with the first one I saw. He essentially blew me off. I had to be assertive (which isn’t always my strong suit) and press for a second opinion. The next endocrinologist totally got what I was saying, evaluated my tests, and agreed...I needed to see an endocrine surgeon.

I could have tried someone relatively close by...but Hubby #2 definitely suggested I see someone who does a lot of these surgeries. The parathyroid glands are near the vocal chords and you can paralyze one, or both (God forbid) during surgery, so you want someone who knows what their doing. I found that in the Norman Parathyroid Center in Tampa, Florida. I’ve gone through the initial intake and had my consultation with a surgeon. And he agrees...it’s a slam dunk case of a parathyroid adenoma and it needs to come out.

Last week, I got my surgery scheduled. We have to be there a couple of days early to have a covid test done. We spent the better part of the last couple of days planning our trip to Florida. It will come a couple of weeks after having our second Covid Vaccine shot. We’ll leave Pumpkin at the Kitty Hilton and head south. The first three days won’t be the fun part. Getting there and getting settled in our hotel in downtown Tampa, getting the covid test, and getting my bearings for the trip over on the day of surgery.

The hotels the center use give you a good discount, and offer free parking and a ride to and from surgery. Because of Covid restriction, Mr. FixIt can’t come to the hospital, so I wanted to get a room nearby that he could be comfortable with. He wanted us to get one place that we would stay in during the whole trip. We want to stay fairly close to the beach, and in order to be more affordable, that would make for at least an hour drive each way. I would be a nervous wreck the morning of surgery if we got stuck in traffic. And if it caused me to miss my surgery...well, that would NOT be good. So, the first three nights are in the city. Then the following six nights are at the beach.

If one has to have surgery, I can’t think of any place more wonderful to recuperate than a sunny beach on the Gulf Coast of Florida! I found a lovely suite with a kitchenette so we can cook in our room and not have to worry about dining out. And it’s just minutes from great beaches and quaint little tourist towns, and other sites. I felt so much better once I got that all scheduled. Now I just have to reserve a space for the kitty and make sure everything is squared away on the Ponderosa and we’ll be ready to rock and roll.

I’ve read many testimonials from other patients and actually have a friend from high school that has had this same surgery. They all remark they had no idea how BAD they felt till they had the surgery and felt wonderful again. Many of them remark the bone pain they have had for years is gone within hours after the surgery. Sometimes it takes a little longer, but most feel markedly better in a short amount of time. I’m really looking forward to getting this over with and I can get on with my life and feel better. I have LOTS of stuff to do yet!

“Hearing this, Jesus said to Jairus, “Don’t be afraid; just believe, and she will be healed.””
Luke 8:50 NIV

Day 327: This is the Night the Lord Hath Made

Sat, 06 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

The last few days, we’ve been talking about feeling stretched thin, feeling frayed and frazzled, overwhelmed with the nature of the world we find ourselves currently living in. Changes have been thrust upon us and not all of us accommodate as easily as others. I am sure we would be hard pressed to find someone who has not been affected in some negative way by the events of the last year.

I always put my money where my mouth is, so I looked up some of the links in yesterday’s post. I read about combatting stress and weathering this particular storm. Then I did what I always do...I went to my inner sanctuary...my quiet space of meditation where I commune with God on a personal level. This is where we sit together...sometimes in quiet companionable silence...sometime in vibrant, dynamic discourse.

These sessions all start out the same way. I get quiet. I find that stillness between my breath and my heart beat, and reach my mind out to God. He knows what I want...what I need. Far better than I. So, I find it quicker and easier to get to the point by just shutting up and listening to the lesson of the day.

As I sat there, eyes closed, breathing slow and deep, I became acutely aware of my body’s aches and pains. I felt the tension I hold between my shoulder blades...what my masseuse in Colorado referred to as my “trying too hard” spots. I felt bone weary...as though I’d run a marathon. Thoughts flitted by. “Why can’t I sleep better???” “When is this going to get easier???” “Why don’t I know how to do this by now???”

Within that space...a thought formed.

“This is the night the Lord hath made! Let us rejoice and be glad in it!!!”

“No” I said. “You mean this is the DAY you have made!”

“No...I mean this is the night. The day has two parts....I divided it in half. Part for work, part for rest.”

“But, I can’t sleep! I have never been able to sleep well...you know that.”

“Ahhhhh, yes....I do. But, you’ve never celebrated my gift of the night. You dread it. You are afraid of the nightmares you might have. Or the anxiety that might come. Or the hours you might have to lay there...staring at the ceiling.”

“I want to sleep. I try! I really do.”

“Then stop TRYING. And celebrate the hours I gave you for resting.”

Novel concept. I closed my eyes. I felt my face against the pillowcase. I wrapped up in my soft, fuzzy blanket and touched it to my lips. I repeated over and over in my mind.

“This is the night the Lord hath made. This is the night the Lord hath made. This is the night the Lord hath made.”

And I woke up at 11:30 yesterday morning! Good night, nurse!!! I haven’t slept like that in....I can’t remember how long. I jumped up and went into the family room.

“Hey there, sleepyhead. How you doing?”

“What day is this?”

Mr. FixIt laughed. “Friday. I thought you must be tired so I let you sleep.”

Honestly? I felt like a new person. We got ready and went to town for a couple things. I started making arrangements for the trip to Florida next month. And I feel like a million bucks! I feel like I had a vacation. It was a remarkable different.

God gives us the days to do our deeds. But he gives us the gift of the night as our time to celebrate hours of sweet rest and slumber. I plan to approach every night in that same way...delicious anticipation of dreamless sleep...awakening refreshed and at peace. Doesn’t that sound lovely?

“This day belongs to the Lord! Let's celebrate and be glad today.”
Psalms 118:24 CEV

Day 322: The Path to The Past is Long

Mon, 01 Feb 2021 02:30:00 -0600

I can see that I am going to need to put a little structure into my time spent chasing rabbits down the pathways to my past. If not, I could very easily sit myself down in my big comfy chair and never get up. It is not lost on me that my mom developed the pulmonary emboli that killed her by sitting in her recliner, day after day, doing genealogy research. I believe I will need to assign certain hours as acceptable research time. The rest needs to be spent on something more physical and productive in order to maintain good health.

That being said, I spent an extraordinary amount of time the last couple of days clicking on little green leaves and chasing innumerable “hints.” These are generated by the research of others as well as the algorithms of the website itself. You can’t just click and accept, either. You have to take some time and evaluate whether the information actually matches your ancestor or not. It’s tedious, time consuming, and definitely gives my mental faculties a good workout. Now, if I could just figure out a way to make it an aerobic activity, I’d hit the jackpot.

One of the most frustrating things in genealogical research is when you hit a dead end and there just isn’t any more information. I’m at that point on a particular 2nd Great Grandfather. They had a huge family with something like seventeen kids. Now, add spouses and their own big families and it amounts to TWO three inch thick volumes of The Nutter Family History. Right now, I can’t put my hands on my mom’s copies. I believe they are at the farm and I need to go out and get them. I need to do some laundry this week anyway, so maybe I’ll make a little sojourn out there for a couple of days.

I haven’t found anything too terribly exciting yet. Mostly just documents that support what I’ve already done. But I believe there has been a release of census data since I last did this because I’m finding a big influx of that. You can find a huge amount of information on families if the census asked the right questions. For instance, in the early 1800’s, census takers literally just counted heads, male...female...and, unfortunately, race/freedom. More modern census takers asked for names, ages, what their role and relationship was to the head of the household. It listed whether they were in school and sometimes asked the highest grade completed. (My maternal grandparents didn’t go past 8th Grade, yet they put every child but one through college.)

Delving back into this research is relaxing. And, I have to say, the level of peace I’m feeling these days is remarkable. It hasn’t hurt that I unfollowed, snoozed, or blocked any number of people on my personal Facebook page in the last few months. When you have nothing much more than a “Happy Birthday” relationship with someone you likely will never go out of your way to spend time with...when you have someone who expounds ugly, angry political rhetoric on every single post they make...when you find your blood pressure rises every time you see their name come across your page...seriously, it’s ok to step back and re-evaluate. It’s ok to take a break. And, it’s ok to unfriend and even block people if they’re just plain making your life miserable. Life is seriously WAY too short for that. That being said, I have friends with differing political opinions that I genuinely care for and I maintain a connection for any number of reasons. We’re an odd bunch, humans.

Speaking of odd, a few years ago I was helping reach out to my fellow high school classmates to encourage them to attend the next class reunion. One particular fellow I reached wasn’t on Facebook. I encouraged him to come on and join us so we could all catch up with each other. I have a robust circle of friends from our graduating class that I sincerely enjoy. This guy was a little...odd in his response. He asked why on earth he should join something that would be able to track his every move for the rest of his life. I poo-pooed the whole thing and thought it was just a little bit more than crazy. Then, I watched 60 Minutes last night.

First, their story about the bereaved of Covid just broke my heart. I will forever have tenderness for those who grieve the untimely loss of their beloveds. Then, the subject switched to...of all currently relevant things...the popularity of DNA testing under the auspices of genealogical research. There is so much more going on in the back side of that...namely genetic and pharmaceutical/biomedical research. It went on to discuss security breaches, computer hacks, and the role China is playing in the race to win the next “space race”...the acquisition of DNA, genomes, and the resulting data. It is more than a little disconcerting to hear about the real probabilities of “Big Brother” and the data we’ve already essentially given away.

Well, at this point, my DNA is out there. So is the DNA of my children and grandchildren... simply because I spit in a test tube to find out where my ancestors came from. We really have no idea the impact what we do today will have on the future. It’s anybody’s guess and the possibilities are endless. I think back on my odd little friend from high school and think...

Maybe he wasn’t so odd after all.

“I was young and now I am old...”
Psalms 37:25 NIV

Day 312: Covid Vaccine #1...Check!

Fri, 22 Jan 2021 02:30:00 -0600

My good friend “Sparky” sent me a link early Tuesday morning and said to go there to sign up for the Covid vaccine. I hit send around 9:00am Tuesday. Sparky called yesterday morning on her way home from getting her first shot. She advised me to answer the phone when it rings, even if I don’t recognize the number, because volunteers were using their personal cell phones to call you to schedule. I made sure the sound was turned up and sure enough, around 2:00 yesterday afternoon, they called to see if we could be there at 4:12. I told her we absolutely would be there!

We arrived a few minutes early and were greeted by a nice man who directed us to a parking space. He said we should walk up to the two men at the table by the sidewalk five minutes before our scheduled time. They flagged us in. Another man opened the outside doors, a third opened the inside doors. A fourth man walked right up to us and directed us to the next available clerk. It took maybe three minutes to get signed in. We turned around and a man was waiting for us to follow him into another room. He directed us to two empty chairs.

The nurse practitioner introduced herself, confirmed my name and birthdate, asked me several questions, told me what to expect, then gave me my shot. Several years ago, I got hives after taking an antibiotic, so instead of waiting the required fifteen minutes to make sure I didn’t have any adverse reaction, I was given a pink card and asked to wait thirty. I felt nothing remarkable and we were sent on our way. No lines. Forty minutes start to finish.

West Virginia has the unusual distinction of being Number 1 in the country as far as per capita vaccinations for Covid. I have to say, our Governor may come across as quite a doofus from time to time, but they’ve got this down to a science and if it keeps going this way, we’re doing a great job. I’m very proud to be a Mountaineer.

As soon as we got to the truck, we both took two extra strength Tylenol to ward off any side effects, like muscle or joint pain and fever. As of this writing, just before bedtime last night, I didn’t feel anything amiss. I am so relieved to get this first shot behind us. We received the Moderna vaccine, so we will get the second dose on February 18th. Once the second dose is in and two weeks pass, we should have our antibodies built up with a 95% effective rate. Then, I can go to Florida for my surgery...and a little beach time!!!

We are aware we will still need to wear our masks and use good hand washing techniques and keep our distance, but we can breathe a little easier and start doing a little more. Once enough of us have the vaccines, we will develop herd immunity and we will reach a semblance of normalcy. No...there are no little microchips running around inside my body. The vaccine will not change my DNA nor will it alter my brainwaves in any way. It is not the “mark of the beast”. What it will do is tell my cells “This is what a Covid-19 virus looks like. When you see it, kill it.”

Some people think this vaccine was created way too fast and was put out way too quickly. But the science behind this vaccine is the same one that kept Ebola from getting out and killing the world. Picture a taxi cab carrying little army men to the sites they are needed. For each enemy, the soldier needs to carry a specific weapon. What science has discovered is the taxi cab. For Covid, the soldiers carry this weapon. When it’s a different virus someday down the road, the scientists can send the little soldiers off with a different weapon, but they can ride in the same taxi. The taxi was built before Covid spread. Once the Chinese geneticists released the gene sequence for the covid virus, all the scientists had to do, was get just the right info into the ammunition the soldiers carried and send them in their little taxis in all the test subjects to make sure everything worked. They gave some of them the right ammo. They gave the rest sterile water. Then they documented EVERYTHING, gathered the data, and submitted the information for an Emergency Use Authorization.

I hope this simplifies things and helps you to understand the process a little better. My last job before retirement was Clinical Pharmaceutical Research Associate for a huge Multiple Sclerosis study. This is what I did for a living, so once I saw the data that was coming in, I had no qualms about taking the vaccine. I trust science, I trust Dr. Fauci, and I believe now that we are getting a solid plan in place, we’ll start seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Last night, Dr. Fauci said the data looks like we MIGHT be heading into a plateau, but things are still going to be bad for another month or two. That’s when we begin to head into warmer weather, people will be able to get outside more, more vaccines will be in arms, and hopefully more people are following health guidelines to prevent the spread. We still need to keep our eyes on the variants that are showing up, but the rest of this is marginally optimistic as far as I’m concerned.

“dear friend, and I pray all goes well for you. I hope you are as strong in body, as I know you are in spirit.”
3 John 1:2 CEV

Day 309: The Ripple Effect...Raising our Collective Mood

Tue, 19 Jan 2021 02:30:00 -0600

In psychology, the Ripple Effect is “emotional contagion in groups”. In other words, the emotions of one person can effect the mood of many others in the group. Negative energy is more readily spread. We’re all familiar with this in our daily interactions with others.

I think we can all agree there is a whole lot of negative energy swirling around in the world right now. It seems the volatile combination of a contentious political environment, a worldwide pandemic, and the resultant fallout of the two is taking it’s toll on everyone. Our collective mental health is suffering and I am praying in the coming months, we can start turning some of that around with calmer waters. When we get come semblance of control over this virus through vigorous health habits and herd immunity through vaccination and antibodies, we can get back to a more normal life.

When all this started last year, I don’t think the majority of people could even imagine it taking this long. It’s hard, I will not lie. I was telling Mr. FixIt yesterday...it’s not easy when you like each other and you get along. It’s got to be h*** when you’re having marital issues on top of it all. I personally know several who are really struggling with this and I hate it for them.

So, what can we do to bring up the vibrations around us when we can’t get away? For me, my first outreach is to God for comfort. He’s always there to listen to my heart and lift me up. In addition, here are some suggestions that might also help you and those around you.

I know it sounds selfish, but make yourself a priority. You cannot fill another’s cup if yours is empty. Listen to your body and your emotions.
Eat right. A machine cannot run well with low grade fuel. I know the carbs and crunch of sweet and salty foods are soothing, but they aren’t helping us.
Get outside at least once a day. I know it isn’t easy when the weather is so cold and snowy...or rainy, as it is here in West Virginia. Just a twenty minute walk in the brightest part of the day helps boost the mood.
Get the right amount of sleep. Too much is just as bad for you as not enough. Try to go to bed and get up within 30 minutes of the same times every day.
Make your bed. Believe it or not, making your bed and scrubbing the kitchen sink are the two top chores you can do to really help soothe you. First, you are less likely to climb back in bed if you’ve made it. And, with a clean sink, you can call that good or add more chores that lift your satisfaction in your surroundings.
Make lists. Making a list gives you a sense of purpose and offers a little more structure to days that just seem to run, doing the same things over and over. Mix it up a little and throw things on the list that add to your self care like “turn on music and dance for five minutes” or “trim your nails and massage some nice lotion on those dry hands and feet.”
Try to call at least one other person every day to check in and see how they’re doing. Listen with a servant’s heart and pay attention to how you might help lift them in their struggles.
If you have a partner in life, take the time to check in with them in a sincere way. Ask them how they’re doing. Be sure they know you care and they know you’re still a team. It’s easy to let things slide to the back burner in relationships. The back burner is where things go to die. Don’t let your love relationships wither in this arid climate.
Encourage hobbies and activities you can do...either together or separately. This keeps the mind sharp and helps to lift the mood.
Remember that spring is coming. Life won’t be like this forever...promise.

So, today is Tuesday...let’s make it a better, brighter day for someone else. And, in return, that will make it a better, brighter day for us.

“God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to him.”
1 Peter 5:7 CEV

Day 306: Observing History or Doom-Scrolling?

Sat, 16 Jan 2021 02:30:00 -0600

I’ve watched national disasters play out on TV ever since that fateful day in 1963 when our beloved JFK was assassinated. Bad and good...the theater that is America plays out on the screen before us. We watch for many reasons. To observe, educate, understand, and be advised. From “Ok, Houston, we’ve had a problem here” to “I am not a crook” to “Diana, Princess of Wales, has died in a car crash in Paris.” Our hearts leap to our throats and we turn our attention to the news.

This has been a solid year of “We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this breaking news report.” Seriously, there were times when I’d think, “OMGosh...what the **** now???” It’s stressful. Our bodies release cortisol in the response to danger and chronically elevated cortisol levels puts us at risk for many health problems including probably the most obvious...anxiety and depression. Not surprising.

It’s one thing to observe history, take note, feel the feelings, and get back to the business of daily living. It’s quite another to chase down story after story, inhaling them like a desperate chain-smoking junky sitting in the dark on the sofa with a bag of Cheetos and a beer. It’s called Doom-Scrolling....read a story, there’s a link to another, read that, hit the next link. Before you know it, hours have passed, you have no real answers as to what’s really going on, and your mind is buzzing like a toaster in a bathtub.

Guilty as charged. I do this sometimes. I’m an avid learner, a curious critter who wants to find out what makes everything tick. What makes them believe that? How did we get here? Who is saying what about whom. Maybe part of that comes from being in an emotionally abusive household with an alcoholic father. I wanted to know what was coming next and I’d do anything I could to be prepared. But, that kind of preparation lies dangerously close to control and we all know...there is very little in this world that we can actually control.

The chatter of impending violence surrounding the inauguration has had my inner investigator working overtime this week. I can’t fall asleep because my mind is churning in a dozen different directions, so I end up picking up the phone to check out “just one more thing”. Thursday night was like that and I finally drifted off to sleep around dawn, only to get an elbow to the back of the head when Mr. FixIt turned over. It was a long night.

We just have a few more days till this moment in time is passed and it becomes relegated to history. I pray for peace. No violence. No injuries or death. It’s liable to be a bumpy ride, so hold on tight. And remember, goodness wins in the end.

“Nothing is impossible for God!””
Luke 1:37 CEV

Day 289: Let Your Light Shine Brighter

Wed, 30 Dec 2020 02:30:00 -0600

My grandma had all kinds of sayings that were descriptive and puzzling and funny and weird. Some were long handed down colloquialisms. Some were just those inside jokes that develop within the family and you’re surprised no one else has heard them...they’re just so accurate. One saying she used a lot...it was an Appalachian take on Karma. If you did something you might not ought to have done, or if you made a simple mistake that came back to bite you in the butt later, Grandma would exclaim... “Well, your chickens are just coming home to roost.” Meaning...you’re going to have to pay for that one.

Covid. You would be hard pressed at this point to find someone who doesn’t know someone in their circle who has had it. I hear more and more, every week. I can’t count anymore how many people I know who have had it or knows someone who has. I find it just as concerning today as I did when this first started spreading like wildfire in March. My only fear is that someone I know and love will get it and die. Thank God, the ones I know personally have been among the fortunates who just get sick. Science is still trying to figure out why some feel nothing much more than a bad cold while others seem a little sick one day and die the next.

It’s a crazy disease. And seriously, one that should never, ever have gotten out of hand like this in the United States of America. I’m not going to go on a rant over this here, but I have choice words when I’m watching the news with Mr. FixIt...trust me.

The other day, Daughter #2 called in a panic. They have a good friend who totaled his car a couple of weeks ago and they helped him out. His bubble is small, like theirs, although he does work in assisted living. His patient population had remained untouched by Covid until the week of his accident. And that is when my daughter went to pick him up from the emergency room after his car accident and let him stay with them for a couple of days to make sure he was ok.

Within a few days, he tested positive for Covid. And, three days later, my daughter and her wife began having symptoms. They went right away and got tested, however, tests can often be negative when taken too early in the course of the illness. They haven’t had another test yet, but the circumstances wouldn’t be any different for them if they had. They are isolated and will schedule a repeat test sometime this week.

I am also thanking God they aren’t any sicker than they are. Right now, it’s mostly the fatigue that’s hitting them, and my daughter says it really doesn’t feel much worse than a really bad cold. Thankfully, she has Type O blood...they say those with that blood type seem to get a less severe case. Which is good because she also has bad asthma.

They were just trying to do something kind to help their friend out when he crashed his car. They thought they were safe with all the precautions and their small social bubbles. But, it just goes to show you, this disease is nothing to trifle with. We cannot afford to let our collective guard down...which leads me to my main gripe.

Sitting in my living room, not seeing my family since March...not seeing my Colorado family since August 2019...not eating in a restaurant since February, not camping, not socializing outside of direct family who also socially isolate and then only visiting outside and distanced. Making all these sacrifices and then watching all those people going through the airports and mingling at the malls, knowing...KNOWING full well what’s going to come in two weeks...it makes me so mad I could spit nails! I worked in medicine for forty-two years. I was married to an internist for twenty-one of those. I know how hard those on the front lines work when there ISN’T a pandemic raging.

All it would have taken was a warning in January...something deadly is coming. Prepare yourselves. These are the steps you’re going to need to take. Do these things so we can hunker down and get through it and get back to normal as soon as possible. New Zealand did it. Other countries did it.

This isn’t our Grandfather’s country anymore. What happened to the spirit of a people who rallied around the war effort and sacrificed for others? Those who say “You can’t stop living your life!” Tell that to the 330,000+ families who have lost their beloveds. It just boggles my mind that there are STILL people out there who think this is all a hoax or it’s overblown or it’s just a political ploy to try to control the masses. How many body bags does it take to convince them this is real and the medical community is about to crack?

Ok...ok...I got on my soapbox after all. I can’t help it. It’s come after MY baby now! And this mama is pissed!!!

IT’S NOT FOREVER...IT’S JUST FOR NOW!!!

STAY HOME

WATCH YOUR DISTANCE

WEAR A MASK

WASH YOUR HANDS

And, please pray my baby and her wife get better quickly with no complications or lasting side effects.

PLEASE

When times are dark....let your light shine brighter!

Photo Credit: Steve Derrick - https://www.timesunion.com/entertainment/article/Local-artist-unmasks-soul-of-front-line-workers-15513007.php

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Philippians 2:3-4 NIV

Day 281: Keep Calm and Bake On

Sun, 20 Dec 2020 02:30:00 -0600

Just before the bombings started in England in WWII, the Queen issued an edict that was produced on signs and posted everywhere to encourage the British citizenry.

“Keep Calm and Carry On”

After all, it is what the Brits were known for. Strength and calm in the face of adversity. They are a stoic lot with dry wit, fierce loyalty, and sturdy countenance...all attributes well to be admired and emulated by all.

As we march toward a Christmas unlike any other you and I have likely experienced, I find myself particularly emotional. I’ve always been one to cry at Kodak commercials. Show me the ones with a soldier coming home to his mom and I’m a puddle. A news story about a little boy with inoperable brain cancer delivering toys to the hospital chemo ward because their funding was cut after Covid struck? I’m a mess.

Babies being born.

People holding hands.

Children baking cookies.

Ahhhh...that last one gets me every time. After Mr. Virgo died, I was included in the family baking day at my son-in-law’s house and I felt a renewed hope after such a painful loss. After moving to West Virginia, I flew to Colorado at Christmas for a couple of years. Then it became increasingly expensive and the weather was dicey. I started spending more time in the summers to make up for it.

Still, Facebook floods my feed with memories of Christmas past and much of that includes Mr. Virgo...and baking cookies. And I find my heart hurting. I cannot tease out my memories of Mr. Virgo and discard them simply because I am happily married to a wonderful man. He is woven in there like a thread through the tapestry of my life. I miss my mom at Christmas. I miss my grandparents at Christmas. Why wouldn’t I also miss Mr. Virgo? It’s only natural that I would and does not take away from my love for Mr. FixIt in any way.

I’m missing the whole package of Colorado this year. I haven’t seen my western family since my daughter’s wedding in August 2019. Yesterday was their cookie baking day. Sue told me about it last week. So, I prepared myself for a day of baking yesterday so I could at least be doing the same thing they were doing, even though I’m many miles away. And my heart hurts. Pictures bring tears. A picture of my daughter removing a tray of cookies from the oven. My grandkids decorating cookies. Snow on the mountains. Setting up the new bird-feeder we got them for Christmas. My eyes have been leaking a lot this week.

Then, there are the good things here on the Ponderosa. The neighbors knocking on our door, bringing us cookies and taking a tin of ours along with them. The black cat playing in the snow and sitting on the windowsill, watching me bake. The smell of cookies fresh from the oven. The feel of sourdough as I turn it and set it to rise. The smell of the cold outdoors on my husband’s collar when he returns from errands. The lights on the tree in the grand window of the family room. The phone calls and Christmas cards. The family dropping by for quick visits out of doors to avoid close contact but still getting to see each other. The packages waiting to be wrapped for our West Virginia family.

It’s ok to feel happy and sad at the same time. This has been a long, hard year. Feeling our feelings is how we process through them. I think the hardest thing I’ve seen this year though, is watching our front line workers in the hospitals...reeling from the aftermath of people insisting on maintaining a normal Thanksgiving. The wave upon wave of illness is taking its told on our healthcare staff as well as our teachers and all essential workers. To see the news and hear of the expected travel for Christmas just breaks me.

I am foregoing my visits with my Colorado family...not only for my own safety, but for theirs and all the people I would contact between here and there. How hard can it be to make a sacrifice for others?

Yes...my heart hurts a lot lately. And this too shall pass.

“Christ encourages you, and his love comforts you. God's Spirit unites you, and you are concerned for others. Now make me completely happy! Live in harmony by showing love for each other. Be united in what you think, as if you were only one person. Don't be jealous or proud, but be humble and consider others more important than yourselves. Care about them as much as you care about yourselves and think the same way that Christ Jesus thought:”
Philippians 2:1-5 CEV

Day 276: A Pig in a Poke

Tue, 15 Dec 2020 02:30:00 -0600

There are a lot of country saying in WV and I think my grandma said every one of them at least once. And there are words commonly used when I was growing up that today might cause one to scratch your head. I remember when I was very young, my uncle asked me if I needed a poke. I just stood there and stared at him because I wasn’t at all sure what he was asking me. Did he want to hurt me? Was he teasing me? What was he going to poke me with...a stick? Ouch! Thank goodness my mom overheard and told me that was a word for a paper sack.

Then, it depends on how the word is used. For instance, if you got “a pig in a poke.” The term originated in the 1500’s Old English, which influences a lot of Appalachian colloquialisms. It means buying something you haven’t seen before. In olden times, farmers sold piglets in a sack and you didn’t see it before you bought it. You might get it home and find you bought the runt of the litter.

Which brings me to the story of the present I bought for my friend, Diane, for Christmas. She isn’t really hard to buy for, but I always like to find unique gifts for her. When a Facebook friend of mine posted last week that she had some of her original artwork for sale, I just fell in love with one. It was a painting of a hummingbird and had the look of mixed media, which I love. I thought it would be perfect for my friend who is an animal and bird lover who lives in the country.

I bought the painting and paid my artist friend through PayPal and waited. Mr. FixIt came in with the mail yesterday and there was a small padded envelope in his hand. I opened it up and there was the painting of the sweetest little hummingbird. Delicate, mid flight, hovering near a flower with other artistic elements in the background. It was exactly what I wanted!

Except...

It was SOOOOOO tiny!

I do not recall seeing any mention of the dimensions of the painting. I was imagining it at about 6”x6”...a typical small painting size I’ve seen frequently. I could do nothing but laugh. I had bought a “pig in a poke.” Not a BAD pig, mind you. I mean, the painting is exquisite! But still...kinda the “runt of the litter.” I was a little concerned Diane wouldn’t like it because she has three cats and I could see if I put this little painting on an easel for a table top, the cats would have a field day! I decided to confess my misgivings to her and lo and behold...she LOVED it. It turns out, another friend gave her a butterfly painting the same size and it will go with it nicely.

This is a good lesson, though. It will serve as a reminder to look INSIDE the poke before I buy it!

“Jesus answered, “Anyone who starts plowing and keeps looking back isn't worth a thing to God's kingdom!””
Luke 9:62 CEV

DAY 249: Biting My Tongue

Wed, 18 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

I don’t always practice what I preach. I called out someone on my page yesterday for saying something mean to one of my friends that holds a different political belief than me. Then, in the same post, I turn right around and said something snarky to someone about their comment on my own position. Why do I do that? Why do I engage? I don’t know...I just can’t seem to help it when I feel strongly about something. Mama always said my mouth would get me in trouble.

I apologized. Again. I’m sure I’ll do it. Again.

*sigh*

Let’s look at the bigger picture. It’s been a heck of a year. Well, in actuality, it’s been a heck of a decade, but...you know. How far back do you want to go? There’s a lot going on right now...it’s hard balancing all the mental stress and strain. What are we facing next? Every. Single. Day. It’s something else...worse than the last.

When the comments were flying, Mr. FixIt and I were in the middle of trying to fix the light over the kitchen sink. We were having an....ummmmm....disagreement about how to best do the job. In the end, we ended up deciding to put a new fixture in. And, wouldn’t you know...he had one out in the building...our own personal hardware store! It used to bug me that we have all this “junk”, but he has pulled my butt out of the fire on more than one occasion with his stash out there.

So, the comment came in and I snapped back and that, by my own standards, was not productive. I’ll just try to do better. Always try to do better.

It’s hard to believe a week from today is Thanksgiving. I know we are not alone feeling the sting of being separated from family for the holidays. We have a huge family between the two of us and we are used to having a house full of loved ones. This year, we’ll have to settle for phone calls and Zoom. It breaks my heart but, I also know it is our duty to do whatever it takes to keep everyone safe, including ourselves. Maintaining our health is like money in the bank. Seriously...it’s our investment for our future. It sure doesn’t make it any easier when you watch commercials showing fun family gatherings with that big golden turkey in the middle of the table.

As the sun set over the far hill from our house, and the clouds turned a deep salmon pink, I gave myself a break for being human. I didn’t hit it out of the park yesterday, but hopefully there are other days to keep trying.

Always keep trying.

“Watching what you say can save you a lot of trouble.”
Proverbs 21:23 CEV

Day 248: Covid...Worse Than Glitter

Tue, 17 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

Are you crafty? Have you ever worked with glitter? If you have, then you know you cannot work with glitter indoors without finding it in every crevice of your home...for the rest of eternity. It is simply impossible to get rid of.

Remember those body washes and facial scrubbers with those little tiny micro beads in them? Entire city water systems were shut down in an attempt to remove the sediment left behind that consisted of...tiny micro beads.

Ever try to eat a meal in a house full of pets without finding hair in your food? Ever have a coffee filter collapse in the pot and end up with grounds floating in your cup and sediment in the bottom? Ever go to the beach and have sand end up in places where you definitely wouldn’t put an emery board?

All those things are plenty big enough to see with the naked eye and you still can’t avoid them.

What if you could SEE the Covid-19 virus???

What if you walked into a shop or restaurant and these big orbs were floating around...hovering over people...spewing out of their mouths when they laughed? What if you went into church and the choir and the people sitting beside you and behind you started singing and clouds of spiky balls of virus came at you and clung to your hair and your clothes and your skin? What if, when you inhaled to sing the next refrain, those sticky spiky balls drew into your mouth and nose and lodged in the tiny little air sacs in your lungs?

And, what if...after church or after being at the store...you stopped to check on your elderly neighbor or your niece with the new baby and you snuggled in for a nice hug and a kiss on the cheek? Or maybe you went to your book club or your grandkid’s swim meet?

What if there was something so simple you could do to keep these spiky basketballs from sticking in your lungs or the lungs of those you love? Until there’s some way of knowing who will get really sick and who will just feel kinda puny, there’s no way of knowing the effect that visit may have.

There are an awful lot of people who think Covid is nothing...it’s overblown...we’re turning a corner. Well, we may be “turning a corner” but it’s not to any street we want to go down...of that I am certain. The numbers are rising exponentially.

A friend shared a post with me yesterday. The person posting is an ICU nurse. He’s been working long, hard days. He says it is so horrifying to hear someone screaming because they can’t catch their breath. He says there are many....far TOO many who scream and say, “It can’t be Covid! Covid isn’t real! There has to be something wrong with me and you aren’t finding it!!! You have to find out what’s really wrong with me!” He says the screaming only stops when they get intubated.

It isn’t politics.

Let me say that again.

Covid isn’t political.

It’s a virus.

It is real.

It can be deadly...like Russian roulette.

This is science.

Thanksgiving is coming fast. We have elected to not gather at our house this year. We hate that...we really do. But we have family members with underlying medical conditions. And I will do everything in my power to keep my family safe and healthy.

Please....please....please....do everything you can to help reel this pandemic in and gain some sort of control. The vaccines are coming, but in the meantime, we are forced indoors because of the weather. That close contact is the same as using a leaf blower on a pile of glitter...it’s going to contaminate everything and everybody.

I know you’re tired of this. I know you want this to be over with. I know you want everything to get back to normal. So do I.

Let’s be good Americans! Let’s band together and kick Covid to the curb! Let’s be patriots and look out for each other!!! Let’s take some pride in ourselves and be the leaders we are meant to be! Let’s be encouragers! Let’s not scold the non-maskers. Let’s encourage them. Let’s thank those who are wearing masks so they know they are appreciated. And do it in front of non-maskers. Keep some extra masks in a ziplock baggie to offer to those who may not have one.

Let’s get this done so we can put this horrible event behind us and bring as many people through it as we can.

We know what to do!!!

We can do this, America!

“This is why you must encourage and help each other, just as you are already doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11 CEV

Day 243: Saying “Goodbye”

Thu, 12 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

No, no...not me. I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry. Last night, Mr. FixIt and I watched the Veteran’s Day tribute to the final episode of MASH. Oh...I really loved that show. The first episode aired on September 17, 1972. I was in my second year of radiology training. But, I don’t really remember watching it until the late 1970’s, probably because I spent the middle of that decade in England.

Hubby #2 was in medical school and we were dirt poor. We couldn’t afford to heat the house so as soon as it was dark out, we’d all pile up in our bed under a gazillion covers to stay warm. MASH was one of our favorite shows. When we finally were finished with medical training, we moved to the mountains. MASH was syndicated by then and there were reruns every night. It was our habit to watch the 11:00 news, then an episode of MASH before we went to sleep.

When that fateful day came when it wasn’t on after the news anymore, it felt like the whole world was different. In the final episode, BJ has been having a really hard time saying the word “goodbye”. As Hawkeye lifts off in the helicopter, he looks down and sees that BJ arranged the white rocks from around the camp into the word GOODBYE...and the familiar strains of the theme song came in as the chopper flies off into the sunset.

Goodbyes are not easy. Sometimes we get the opportunity to say goodbye...sometimes we don’t. Real life isn’t like a well loved if not slightly predictable television program. As I sat down to write this, I opened my iPad like I do every night. My browser was open and there was a story about Alex Trebek’s final day. Alex was particularly fond of a swing he had on his property. He spent his last day, sitting in that swing with his wife, staring at the horizon. I don’t know what his view was, but I think the fact that he was at peace with what he undoubtedly knew was coming made it all the more beautiful.

I read that his only regret was he didn’t get to spend as many years with his beloved wife as he would have liked. I think of her now...newly bereaved...sitting out in that swing alone. She still feels him with her, I’m sure. What a beautiful last day he had. Holding his wife’s hand, rocking in the swing. Perhaps they spoke. Perhaps they had long stretches of companionable silence. No one knows but her...as it should be.

Goodbyes are our last moments of intimacy with people. I was bent over Mr. Virgo as he lay on the floor of that camper in Colorado. I knelt down beside him and held his hand to my chest. On some level, I’m sure I knew I was saying goodbye, but I was doing my darnedest to will him to stay with me. Just in case, I leaned in close to his ear and whispered, “I love you.” He whispered back, “I love you, too.” I know so many don’t get that goodbye...that closure...and that breaks my heart.

I have a cousin I dearly love. We’ve been FB friends for quite some time. He and his wife were so wonderful and helped me adjust when I first moved back to West Virginia. I am not sure what happened, but we are no longer connected on FB. I don’t know if he saw my political posts and didn’t like them. I don’t know if I said or did something that upset him in some way. I didn’t discover this until yesterday morning, so I have no idea how long it’s been since he unfriended me. It breaks my heart because I love him. But, what can you do? I reached out to his wife and told her to please tell him I love him to the moon...her, too. Maybe we’ll reconnect. Maybe not. Not all goodbyes bring closure. Sometimes they’re one sided and we just have to accept them.

I’ve never liked goodbyes. They make me sad. They make me cry. Sometimes they confuse me. Sometimes they force me to look in a mirror. There have been a few that have caused me to breathe a sigh of relief. In whatever form, goodbyes always reflect change. The impermanence of this life and the relationships we get to have in it. They’re not always for richer or for poorer, till death us do part. Sometimes they are nothing more than staring off at the horizon.

“My friends, be glad, even if you have a lot of trouble. You know you learn to endure by having your faith tested. But you must learn to endure everything, so you will be completely mature and not lacking in anything.”
James 1:2-4 CEV

Day 240: Nothin’ But Blue Skies

Mon, 09 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

I’m in transition. It’s not quite winter, not quite fall...and it feels a little like summer. We went out midday and started mowing. I really thought it was behind us, but you could definitely tell after the first swath..it needed cutting again. At this time of year, I always hope it’s the last mowing of the season and...hopefully...this was it. As I was coming up through the near field, I had to stop and take a picture. The sky was absolutely perfect, the temperature was 78, and the trees beyond the two-lane out front still have some color clinging to the crowns of the trees. It was the kind of beautiful that takes your breath away.

We still have some more things to take care of before the house is buttoned up for winter. There is an old television antenna at the end of the house, just outside our bedroom window. Old wild grape vines have take over and the antenna is covered. We need to get those vines torn down as well as remove the upright antenna support to keep them from ruining the roof and soffits. The corners of the soffits have already been pulled down a little and critters (I’m thinking chipmunks and squirrels) find their way into the attic and scurry around up there. Fortunately, it was a warm day when the guys repaired those corners because we aren’t having anything trapped up there. They must have gone out exploring for the day. They’ll just have to find somewhere else to hole up for the winter instead of running around over my head!

I’m giving a Skype interview this morning with WSAZ this morning...talking about meal preparation when traveling in an RV and what things to pack. That should be fun! I really love the gals who work for this station. I recorded a segment with them last fall when I was towing the Girl Camper Raffle Trailer last fall and they were so much fun to work with. I’ll attach a clip when it’s posted.

I came so close to going to see a Class C motor home yesterday. It looks like it’s in great shape and it has low miles for it’s age. However, it’s a 1990. Thirty years is a long life for an RV. One of the reasons I didn’t get a motor home in the beginning was the possibility of two engines breaking down since you have to tow a small vehicle behind you. If you don’t have a “toad”, you either have to pack everything up and take your RV to town with you if you need to make a trip for supplies, or you stay at the campsite all the time. So, I let my better angels talk me out of even looking at it. That way I won’t even be tempted.

When did I get to be such a grownup?

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.”
Psalms 19:1 NIV

Day 239: Reflections 2016-2020

Sun, 08 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

I debated with myself all day yesterday whether to even mention the election or not. I’ve been largely staying away from it over the last few weeks. I know I danced a little close to the fire a few times and I got a little singed around the edges because of it. That’s ok...I’ve got broad shoulders.

Without getting into any specifics, let me just say this...I know what it feels like to be on the short end of the stick and it doesn’t feel good. I raised my children with the caveat that character is shown not only in how you lose, but also in how you win. Gloating is impolite and does not build bridges with our opponents. Neither does petulance. There is a lot of heat and passion involved in this election, and it isn’t going to disappear overnight. But, hopefully, we can give each other the chance to listen with open hearts and minds, to build trust between us, and to work together toward a bright future.

I think the biggest positive I saw last night was the look of awe and pride from little girls of color sitting on their daddies’ shoulders. They wanted to get a better view of the woman who looked like them, standing on a stage in Delaware. Like it or not, a glass ceiling has been broken in this country and generations of little girls will grow up knowing they can work for any job they want.

I’m sharing my post from four years ago. It shows how I reacted when I felt the sting of disappointment. I have always tried to land on the side of compassion and understanding. I know the coming weeks and months may be difficult, but my prayer is we can learn to set aside our differences and grow together. Let’s make our mama’s proud.

[www.marshmallowranch.com/on-being-...](https://www.marshmallowranch.com/on-being-passionate/)

“Then someday, I will heal this place and my people as well, and let them enjoy unending peace.”
Jeremiah 33:6 CEV

Day 236: I’m Not Watching

Wed, 04 Nov 2020 02:30:00 -0600

I was so proud of myself yesterday. I didn’t scroll endlessly through social media and news sites filling my every waking moment with the talking heads. Instead, I had a leisurely breakfast with my sweetheart then took him to the dentist. Poor dear had to have some painful work done. I brought him home with a stop at the store for ice cream, yoghurt, and cottage cheese...soft and easy to eat. He dug into my home canned applesauce as well so he was, overall, a pretty contented guy. Tylenol seemed to keep him comfortable enough.

As he kicked back in his comfy new recliner, I worked on the Christmas ornaments I am knitting. We watched Andy Griffith and Frazier and Big Bang Theory reruns. We did watch the evening news and that was the extent of election info for the day.

I’m still working on the two little kits I bought when we were at the beach. I have ripped out the white one six times. First it was too little to get the clear plastic ornament into. Then it was too big and I ran out of yarn before it was finished. This went back and forth and finally, I set it aside and worked on the other one. It has bright colors and for some reason, the pattern just struck me and I realized what I did wrong with the other one. Basically, it boils down to trying to keep track of stitch count and watching TV. That just doesn’t work very well for me. Once I figured it out, it was smooth sailing and I’m almost finished with the fourth ornament.

I bought some fuzzy white yarn so I’m going to try to make some that look like snowballs. I also bought some of that scratchy yarn to make kitchen scrubbies. I’ll show you those when I start on them. That’s really the extent of my day. It was uneventful, given the importance of the election. And, I finished the day relaxed and not angst filled. I’m focused on peace and goodness in my life because I have no control over what happens outside of it. I still, at the time of this writing, have no idea who won the presidency. We may get up this morning and not know. But, win or lose, we are all Americans...one nation, under God.

So, today...I just keep knitting.

❤️

“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”
Colossians 3:13 NLT

Day 230: “Life Is All About What You Give”

Thu, 29 Oct 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I usually have a good idea of what I want to talk about in my daily posts when I sit down to write at night. However, sometimes I sit and sit and sit some more without coming up with a clear plan. That’s when I know there’s no beating around the bush...I need to take it to God in prayer and ask Him what HE wants me to write about. Such was the case last night.

Oh, sure...I could tell you about the hour and a half we sat on the customer service phone call with the power company. Or, our quick trip to town to pick up our new recliners...which are beautiful and SO comfortable, by the way. Or, how hard it was to put the backs back on once we got them in the house. (Mr. FixIt said the lock goes down...I said up. I won’t tell you who won! Or, I could tell you how we decadently took the rest of the day off and sat in said comfy chairs watching our recording of The Voice. Nope, that isn’t what He wanted me to write about. He wanted me to talk about giving.

In my prayers, I was nudged to read a devotional that I finished a couple of months ago because it’s as timely...if not more so...now as it was before. It’s called “Unoffendable” by Ryan Leak. This is a ten-day devotional that helps you to see how culpable we all are in this age of offense. The bottom line of the whole thing is simple...“Life Is All About What You Give”. This brings up a complicated point.

“We are what we eat.”

Now, that doesn’t mean we are a cow or a head of cauliflower. It means we put out what we take in. If we take in ugliness and hatred, we are much more likely to put that back out into the world. When we do that, we offend others who disagree with us, and vice versa. When we feed ourselves with “good food” we are much more likely to express goodness to others. And isn’t that what we want more of in the world?

We have no control over others...we only have control of our reactions to them. I am getting much better at saying, “I don’t find that kind of talk to be helpful.” I’m better at removing myself from situations. And, I am really working on not engaging when I feel “offended”. What I “give” is much more important.

I try to be a cheerleader in these times of unrest. I’m only human...I make mistakes...but I surely try. Let’s try to give out as much goodness as we can in the coming days and weeks. Because, soon....there are going to be a lot of unhappy people, one way or another. Let’s try to be more like Jesus and love others as we love ourselves...as He loves us.

❤️

“You cannot fool God, so don't make a fool of yourself! You will harvest what you plant.”
Galatians 6:7 CEV

Day 220: Grounding Myself in the Spirit

Mon, 19 Oct 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Flyfishing the Curratuck Sound at Sunset

Mr. FixIt and I haven’t been to church in person since February. We really miss it, but online church has become our custom and we get up with great anticipation to hear another good sermon. When they first started attending live services, the pastor made some remarks that made us feel belittled for not attending in person. I sent a kind, well-worded message and asked that they please not ostracize those who choose to stay home due to underlying medical conditions that could make getting Covid a death sentence. The next weekend, the pastor spoke into the camera and welcomed us to online church and dubbed us the Warehouse Nation. Their online ministry has started drawing an audience from all over the world. It’s just a simple lesson...don’t shut people out. God’s using this time for HIS glory...not ours.

For the most part, I really love my home church. But there have been a couple of times that I have been put off by the pastor preaching politics from the pulpit. I have asked on my personal page if this is a common occurrence and I received some very good feedback. Unfortunately, the discussion quickly went off the rails and political policies and the heated emotions that attend them blew up. Most of the time I’ll cut that off, but this time I let it run its course and prayed till it blew over. That being said, I won’t do that here so let’s not even go there. I thought about writing another well worded note to the pastors, but didn’t. When it happened a second time, I almost said forget it...we’ll just find another church. But God kept whispering to my heart to hang on. He’s not just working on me. He’s working on everyone and He wanted me to be patient and give Him time to work. In other words, He wanted me to tend to my own knittin’, as my grandma used to say.

The other day, a young man who went to high school with Daughter #1 was on a thread I was was participating in. I know better than to read Facebook too late in the evening when I’m tired and fed up. A comment was made and I responded. Looking back, I can see where it came across as snarky. I was going to erase it, then vacation stuff took over and I totally forgot. That is, until I got the response from “John”. It was equally snarky. I typed a response...and erased it. Typed another...erased it. Another...cancelled. In my conversational tone, I said, “Ok, God...what are you saying here? What are you asking me to do?”

“Wait...I’m not done yet.”

Yesterday, our pastor delivered the sermon God wanted me to wait for. I don’t know if someone else sent a well-worded note, or if God was working on all of us, but our pastor walked us through the Fruits of the Spirit. Since when did we start hating each other for having a different political opinion? Since when did we decide it was ok to throw out the Golden Rule and go for the jugular every time someone says something that offends us? Granted...there ARE plenty of things to be legitimately offended over, but we shouldn’t be hateful over differences of opinion over politics. God is so much bigger than Trump or Biden or Covid.

The Fruits of the Spirit are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Being our best self. I saw something the other day that gave me pause.

Kamala is beloved.

Donald is fearfully and wonderfully made.

Mike is cherished.

Joe is important enough that Jesus died for him.

Jesus sees us all through the same lens and God is our judge...not members of the opposing party. I can respect the office but not the policies and/or behavior of the person sitting in the chair. I can know who you vote for and still love you. Humans are capable of that.

This post isn’t about politics. This post is about love. God’s love for us. And the love He commanded us to practice toward Him and each other.

❤️

““Teacher, what is the most important commandment in the Law?” Jesus answered: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. This is the first and most important commandment. The second most important commandment is like this one. And it is, “Love others as much as you love yourself.” All the Law of Moses and the Books of the Prophets are based on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:36-40 CEV

Day 205: A Space of My Own

Sun, 04 Oct 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I think every woman should carve out a little space that is just hers. Guys get the “man cave” or their “workshop”. Women get the kitchen. That’s all well and good. I mean, I love being in the kitchen and creating wonderful foods for the people I love. But it’s not like that...or the products that come from it...are for me alone.

I have my camper. For now, anyway. But what happens when I sell her? I may not have another one right away, and since I don’t have a “she shed”, I’ve decided to create a space of my own here at the house. We have a bedroom that has nothing but boxes of things labeled “Garage Sale”. These are boxes that the former Mrs. FixIt left thinking when the time came and we decided to actually HAVE a garage sale, we could stick this stuff in it. She is very helpful that way...very organized...and I appreciate it immensely. I think, if Covid hadn’t struck, we might actually have had a garage sale this year, but alas...it was not to be.

Rather than wait another whole year, I’m taking matters into my own hands. I’m going to clear that room out and create a space just for me. Mostly because, when I settle in to write this blog every night, I write while I’m propped up with a bunch of pillows in our bed. I don’t think it’s doing my back any good and I’m tired of feeling like I’m in bed all the time. I’ve tried writing in the living room while Mr. FixIt watches TV but I find it distracting at best and mostly agitating, even with headphones on.

I have a picture in my head of what my room will look like. I have a Tiffany style floor lamp out at the farm. I brought it from my home in Colorado and I’d love to have it beside a comfortable chair. I would like a small side table...a place to set my cup of tea, a basket by the chair for my knitting, and a small footstool to prop my feet upon. I would like lacy white curtains to let in the light. I have an electric space heater out at the farm that looks like an antique wood stove. I would like to create a faux fireplace with it. I’ll hang the wooden clock that I bought Mr. Virgo for his last Christmas. I’ll have a small Bluetooth speaker to listen to soft music...or the sounds of a crackling fire. The room will be cozy and comfortable and quiet and peaceful. A nice place to write and retreat without having to climb in bed. And the best part? NO TV!

We went to our great granddaughter’s 3rd Birthday Party yesterday. We stopped at the 4H Ox Roast on our way home to pick up a couple of meals so we wouldn’t have to cook. Oh, my goodness...that was wonderful food. And so much of it, too. After supper, I opened Facebook and...there was my chair! It was absolutely the exact chair I’ve been wanting at a price that can’t be beat. We’ll run into town today to pick it up and that will motivate me to get the back room cleared out. I’m nesting and getting my winter she shed ready.

❤️

““As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.””
Genesis 8:22 NIV

Day 204: 2020....Seriously, Would Someone Just Yell BINGO & Get This Year Over With!!!

Sat, 03 Oct 2020 01:30:00 -0600

In times of great stress, gallows humor comes into play as a way to cope. When Hubby #2 was in medical school, the “jokes” and “funny” one-liners came rapid fire on the Friday nights when his fellow students came to our house. They would sit on the stoop and drink a beer and talk trash. They had to. If not, they never would have survived the brutality they were faced with on a daily basis. I remember listening with frank shock, wondering how on earth these men and women were ever going to become compassionate physicians.

Some didn’t survive...at least not in any real functional way. Others barely made it through, forever broken by a system that systematically took every bit of tenderness and goodness from them creating angry cynics...old before their time. Still, most made it through relatively unscathed because they saw their days as a series dumpster fires they needed to put out...one by one.

If 2020 hasn’t been a classic dumpster fire of epic medical school proportions, I will turn in my secret Med School Wife Decoder Ring and go home. It seems like every single day we are challenged with something bigger, something badder, something scarier than the day before. It’s giving people PTSD...unless of course, you were gifted with that particular monster through some other equally awful life experience. Then it’s just compounded.

The thing we have to remember is...God can take the very worst dumpster fires, turn them around, and use them for good. For you and for me and for any other person on the street. When we look at the collective ****show this year has been, it’s really difficult to see how anything good can come from this. It’s there, though. You just have to look to see it.

This is an uncertain time...an unsettled time. Pray for peace. Pray for our country and our President and First Lady. I may not agree with his politics, but this is not the time for bashing. This is the time for praying the evil out of this world. And praying for healing.

So, whenever I see that sense of renewed cooperation, I will put a little fuel on that fire. A little encouragement. A little “atta boy”. A little gratitude. I’ll blow on it with good words, nurturing a flame from the smallest embers until a roaring bonfire takes hold.

Yes...God can do miraculous things with dumpster fires. Just you wait and see.

❤️

“You let people ride over our heads; we went through fire and water, but you brought us to a place of abundance.”
Psalms 66:12 NIV

Day 201: Adjusting to the New Normal

Wed, 30 Sep 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I’ve had a lot of “new normals” in my life. Two divorces found me as a single parent each time, trying to figure out how I was going to make it on my own. 9/11 left us all trying to wrap our heads around this feeling of no longer being safe. Losing Mr. Virgo left me broken and lost, yet determined to find out who I was in this world. Then the pandemic hit and the state of emergency was called on March 13th and everything changed.

I’ve been posting the “Day Number” in front of every post since 3/13 but didn’t realize I was off by a few days. Yesterday was 200 days of New Normal. It’s been a really trying time for most of us. At least, it has been for me. It all started between Mr. FixIt’s two strokes and I didn’t know what to think. But, just like I knew instinctively that I needed to put something joyful in front of me to survive losing Mr. Virgo, I knew I needed to put something in front of me to get through this crisis as well.

Serendipitously, spring was on its way and there was much to look forward to. After spending three solid weeks glued to the television watching a deadly disease run rampant around the world, Mr. FixIt’s second stroke hit and I was knocked sideways again. That’s when my friend Kate sent me some of her sourdough starter. And I found my “something joyful” to put in front of me to get through this season. I found it in my kitchen.

There are many seasons in life and not a single one of them is predictable. When we are faced with trying times, we can either choose to bury our heads in the sand and float along the surface as best we can...trying not to drown. Or, we can dive headfirst into the waves and find out what strong swimmers we are. I was never a very strong swimmer...in the water. But in the seas of life? I’m getting to be a boss!

You will find yourself swimming upstream so many times in your life. It’s not easy to do when there’s all those rocks and rapids and obstacles thrown in your way. The best advice I can give you is...keep paddling. Keep fighting the fight. Keep standing back up. And, every once in a while, sit on the bank and take a breather. Look back downstream and see how far you’ve come.

Find something...anything that’s joyful...and keep paddling towards it, my friends.

We’ve got this.

❤️

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
Galatians 6:9 NIV

Day 187: Be Better...Do Better

Mon, 21 Sep 2020 01:30:00 -0600

My mom always told me my mouth would get me in trouble someday and she was so right. There have been times...too many times...that I react and speak instead of take a breath and think. I try limiting my news time. I try staying off of social media more than just a few minutes a day. I try to get out and do something active. I try to end each day with a feeling of accomplishment.

I try.

I don’t always succeed.

Too often I get sucked into the maelstrom that social media has become. I get triggered. I get angry. I get frustrated. I get sad. When those things happen, it’s far too easy to start to respond negatively and that’s when the drag starts...like a weight around my neck, pulling me deeper and deeper into the depths.

That’s not where the light is. That is not what brings me hope. Finding hope today is sometimes like parenting an obstreperous toddler. No matter how tired we are, we have to find something they’ve done to praise them for so they feel encouraged. In this case, it’s us that needs the encouragement. We need to shift the attention to what we are doing right, thank ourselves for do it, and do more of it.

My friends and I talk about the Bible and share scriptures. We text them to each other periodically during the day for encouragement. We share bible studies. We send jokes that make us laugh and eases the tensions in our lives. Having a network with whom you can share life with is invaluable. Find your people...through church or a senior center or the library. Meetup is an app that helps you find likeminded individuals with similar interests.

Go through your friends list on Facebook. Pick five people a week to just send a random note to. Not a meme...but a heartfelt message letting them know you were thinking about them and you wanted to reach out to see how they’re doing. Send more goodness out into the world and it’s bound to catch on eventually.

Flood the world with kindness this week.

Think about what you are sharing with the world before you hit “send”.

Don’t contribute to the divisiveness that’s out there. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Research before you post. Include resources. Make your English teacher proud.

When that meme grabs your eye, think twice...three times before you share. Is it kind, is it true, is it necessary?

Send beautiful things out into the world. Do you really think your rant about the “other guy” is going to change anyone’s mind at this point? I can pretty much guarantee this...it may not change their mind about who to vote for, but it’s sure to make them look at you differently. We’re almost to Election Day. We are coming into the home stretch.

Let’s fill the world with a lot less bitterness and a lot more better-ness. Let’s see if we can put out this dumpster fire and create some beauty. Because...

Kindness Matters

❤️

“Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.”
Isaiah 1:17 NIV

“Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.””
1 Corinthians 15:33 NIV

“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”
James 1:19-20 NIV

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
1 Peter 4:8 NIV

“The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.”
Proverbs 17:27-28 NIV

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
Galatians 6:9 NIV

Day 186: Apples & Honey for a Sweet New Year

Sun, 20 Sep 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Back in the day when I was living a Jewish life, every holiday was celebrated in our home. There are fun holidays like Chanukah and Purim and solemn holidays like the Days of Awe between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Those are the days for introspection and forgiveness. I haven’t always been my best self and the angst of this year has not brought out the best of my at every turn.

I’ve been reading the tributes to Justice Ginsburg and I’ve learned so much more about her. One thing struck me in particular. No matter what she was faced with...be it pay inequity, the struggle to get into a “man’s world” and be an attorney, her husband’s cancer or her own, she never shrank from any of it. She never took a woe is me attitude. You may not agree with the causes she fought for, but you have to admit...the woman was force to be reckoned with.

There have been many strong women in my life that I have looked up to and strove to emulate...my mom, my grandma, a favorite aunt, a dear friend...even my own girls. I’m adding RBG to my list. Striving to keep suiting up and showing up is the mantel we wear now that she is gone. It’s up to us to continue to fight for the rights she fought for. If not for Justice Ginsburg, I would not have widow’s benefits from Social Security. I wouldn’t have had many of the opportunities I was afforded in my life if she hadn’t stood up for us.

So, in honor of RBG...and because we desperately need a sweet New Year...We had apples and honey last night. Fried Apple Rings and Honey, to be exact. I cut Granny Smith apples across and made thick slices. I used round cutters to cut out the center core and the outer skin. I didn’t have to peel the apples and they were perfect rings. I soaked them for a few minutes in a solution of Fruit Fresh to keep them white. Then, I mixed up a batter with all purpose flour, a little sugar, and enough buttermilk to make it creamy. I dipped each apple ring in the batter and fried in oil to a golden brown. Served on a plate while they’re hot and drizzled with honey, these were the perfect little treat at the end of a busy day. Not too heavy, not too sweet.

We worked hard all day in the back yard. We cleared everything out of there that wasn’t essential. I trimmed the monstrous Flowering Quince and Forsythia bushes while Mr. FixIt power-washed the house. I filled the back of the pickup three times with limbs and branches and hauled them over to the brush pile. In a week or so, when the branches are dried, I’ll burn them.

It seems the work is never done. But I’ll keep suiting up and showing up...just like RBG and all the other wonderful women in my life.

❤️

“God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won't stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns.”
Philippians 1:6 CEV

Day 181: Hummingbirds & Hollyhocks

Tue, 15 Sep 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I met my classmate’s sister in the McDonald’s parking lot yesterday and traded my wide mouth canning lids for the coveted regular size. Three for three...even Steven. At the same time, two of our grandkids met us with their sweet little boy....our first great grandson. It was all I could do not to pull him out of his car seat and kiss him all over. I haven’t held my babies since February! But, ohhhhh...it was so good to see them.

Honestly, that was all we planned to do, but one thing led to another and we didn’t get home till after 6:00 last night. That is the nature of a trip to town when you live out in the country. You try to squeeze all the errands you possibly might need to do into that one trip and hopefully you don’t have to make another one for a while.

We did the usual...bank, post office, Sams, grocery store, and checking on a friend’s house while he’s away. On a whim, we decided to stop in Kohl’s. There are a couple of things I’ve been looking for and I hoped to find them there but alas...no luck. On our way home, we stopped for a sandwich. The last think I want to do after a day of running around is to cook.

One of you wrote yesterday asking where I got our yard flag. Honestly, I can’t remember, other than it was locally. I looked online and found a website that sells the same flag. You can look in the comments on yesterday’s post and find the link if you’re interested. I loved this flag as soon as I saw it. I’m crazy about hummingbirds and even though we had our feeder out at the appropriate time with the correct feed and changed it regularly, we just didn’t have as many hummers this summer.

I love the deep red hollyhocks. The only time I’ve ever had hollyhocks was when Hubby #2 was doing his residency. We lived in an old farmhouse surrounded by more modern mid century houses. After researching, I found out that this area had been a dairy farm at one time. The house we lived in was the main residence for the farm. There were old flowerbeds around the house and I did my best to be an urban farm girl and bring them back to life. I planted garnet colored hollyhocks along the sand-colored brick on the front porch. On hot summer evenings, as the sun began to dip low and turn the air to spun gold, the hummingbirds would bob and weave and dive their way around the yard, fighting for a sip of the sweet nectar. Daughter #1 and I would sit in the front porch swing...the sound of the chain squeaking as we swayed back and forth and the darkness closed in around us.

There was a lot of traffic on Holly Street and I would do my best to tune it out and focus on what little night sounds I could hear in the busy neighborhoods of east Denver. Crickets. The whine of mosquitoes around our ears. The distant bark of a dog. I would rock and close my eyes and pretend I was back home on the farm in West Virginia. I swear...I missed home more than anything in this world and would count the days till I could hop on a plane and come see my family.

Now, as I write this, I’m laying in a camper...the windows thrown open. The night air is cool and tonight we’ll need an extra blanket as it’s supposed to get down to 51 degrees. There are the crickets. And the katydids. The whine of a mosquito and the sound of the neighbor’s dog announcing a possible four-legged interloper. This time, it’s the occasional car that passes up the road out front that breaks the stillness instead of the other way around.

I still marvel at this scenario. There was a time that I didn’t dare dream I could live here again...let alone live on five acres where I can grow anything I want. Or care for Grandma’s house and stay there whenever I want. Or find my BFF from high school and marry him. I am living my dream. There is only one thing that would make this life better...having my Colorado family closer. That would be absolute perfection!

But...this is pretty darned close!

❤️

“You have shown me the path to life, and you make me glad by being near to me. Sitting at your right side, I will always be joyful.”
Psalms 16:11 CEV

Day 169: Forever the ‘50s Mom

Thu, 03 Sep 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I was born in the early ‘50s. We lived in an upstairs apartment of a house that no longer stands. But the time I was in second grade, we had lived in six houses that I know of. Mom and Dad bought their first home with an FHA loan for a little under $11,000. Two bedrooms with an unfinished attic and basement. It wasn’t much, but we were grateful for it.

Dad worked in the parts department for Mack Trucks. Not a lot of money to be made there, so Mom had to work outside the home. I remember one of her jobs was working for AB Dick...a printing press company. She also worked for Ben Grant who owned a printing company. When, when I was up in school, she started working for the Easter Seal Treatment Center as their “Girl Friday”.

Still, even though she worked outside the home, she was such a ‘50s mom. She wore house dresses and fake pearls and red lipstick. She sewed our clothes and embroidered pillow cases. She wore heels and carried a patent leather purse with a hankie, a change purse, and a compact inside. Oh, and she always had clip on earrings to match her dresses.

She didn’t learn to drive till I was in second grade. That was the year we bought the house in the suburbs and she had to drive my brother to his special school and get to work. I clearly remember her best friend Elaine Gordon teaching Mom how to drive. We were in the City Park where you could just circle round and round without facing oncoming contact. For some reason, Mom turned on a straight stretch and panicked. She hit the gas instead of the brakes and took us right up a bank, narrowly missing a tree. It was always an adventure with Mom behind the wheel.

Mom was NOT a good cook, but oh...could she bake! She made the best Pineapple Upside Down Cake I have ever eaten. She baked cookies every week. We always had a sweet around...I suppose because they were relatively inexpensive to make and you felt indulgent when you had one of her desserts.

She wore an apron over her house dress when she worked in the kitchen. Grandma always made quilted hot pads at Christmas from quilting scraps so there were always bits of cheerful color floating around the house. She made curtains for the windows. When I was big enough to get my own bedroom, Mom made these fabulous curtains with pink poodles on them. She made a cover with ruffles out of the same material to put over an old TV console to use as a vanity.

The decades came and went and the styles changed, but I never really saw my mom as anything but a ‘50s mom. Even when she and my dad divorced, she waited till I was married and left home to do it. She always put everyone else’s needs before her own. Generous, kind, unintentionally hilarious...she was incredibly naive to the ways of the world, clear to the day she died. That was one of her most endearing qualities.

I was rummaging around during my thirty minute allowance of browser time yesterday and saw this contact sheet of “50s Moms” and it just made me smile. I can still smell the Evening in Paris she wore...simply because I bought it for her with my babysitting money. I can still feel the soft touch of her cool hand on my fevered brow when I was sick. I can still hear the frustration in her voice when I was a rebellious teen. She worked hard, and loved harder.

I think they patterned June Cleaver after my mom.

What I wouldn’t give for one more day.

❤️

“He will wipe all tears from their eyes, and there will be no more death, suffering, crying, or pain. These things of the past are gone forever.”
Revelation 21:4 CEV

Day 167: The Longest Summer of my Life

Tue, 01 Sep 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Remember back when we were kids? School let out in May and it seemed like for-EV-er before it was September and time to go back. Then we grew up and became adults and got jobs and got married (or not) and had kids (or not). Then, summers dragged for an entirely different reason. By late August, we were like... “When does school start??? I’m done already!”

Then...life’s “Third Shift” kicked in. The kids are the ones married (or not) and with kids (or not) and we are left to our own devices. My mom’s generation played Bridge or MahJong if they were fortunate enough to not have to work outside of the home. Our generation plays pickle ball or what have you.

Whatever the case...it’s September. Seriously...March felt like at least a decade ago. I don’t even remember March. Did 2020 even HAVE a March? Or May? How about June and July? I mean...I could accept that it’s July...but September??? Crikey!

I think the total disruption of our routines and all the ensuing chaos has shifted our consciousness somehow and actually created a time warp. I mean...I could just as easily be 1963, if you ask me.

But, I digress. A Facebook friend asked yesterday if we could say something positive about 2020 so far. I had to think about it...but I came up with several things.

I mastered the art of sourdough bread.
I learned to change my expectations of others and focus on the goodness in the world.
I’ve learned that Black Lives Matter and saying that doesn’t diminish the importance of all lives.
I’ve learned that people can disappoint you when you’ve thought you’ve known them to the core...but you can still pray for them and love them like Jesus does.
I’ve learned video chats may be a poor substitute for visiting my Colorado family, but it’s still a joy to see them.
I’ve learned no human being should be forced to be with another human being 24/7/365 without some sort of recharge time. And, it’s ok to acknowledge that to said other human
I’ve learned how to lay this burden down while still fighting for change.
I’ve learned to make everything I do a silent prayer.

You may say 2020 sucks big ones, and I suppose it has in many ways. But, 2020 has been a gift in just as many ways. Above all, it has forced me into a closer relationship with Jesus. I’ve gotten to know Him a lot better and recognize His voice in the cacophony of this world. It’s brought me a lot closer to Mr. FixIt, as well. We’ve had to learn a new dance around strokes and staying at home and not doing whatever we want, whenever we want. And, believe it or not, it has brought me closer to our kids because we have more real conversations.

2020 may have brought me to my knees...but that’s not a bad position to be in for prayer.

I literally did nothing but bake a pan of lasagna and take a nap yesterday. It felt SO self-indulgent...and wonderful!!! Then, around the time the news went off, Daughter #1 called me for a video chat. Ohhhhh, my heart sings when I get to see my Colorado peeps. When we prepared to hang up, I smiled and thanked her so much for letting me see her sweet face.

“I cannot hug you in person,” I said. “But, I can hug you with my heart!”

❤️

“...The Lord watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another.”
Genesis 31:49 KJV

Day 157: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way...

Sat, 22 Aug 2020 01:20:00 -0600

God has a sense of humor. He knows when we’ve had it up to here. That’s when he sends you something so patently absurd, you can’t help but break out into a belly laugh. That’s one of the ways the Great Healer heals...He brings us laughter.

Mr. FixIt and I had a laundry list of things that needed doing yesterday in town...one of which was to mail some overdue greeting cards. There were two condolence cards and a graduation card, so I sat down to write. I filled out the first card and wrote a lovely note. As I prepared to start the second condolence card, Mr. FixIt interrupted me as he was looking for the graduation announcement. We needed it for the address to send the graduation card.

I told him not to worry, I would just text his sister to get the address. It wasn’t long till she and I were chatting back and forth. She gave me the address and I wrote it on the envelope. As we chatted about the smoked pork I canned last week, I wrote the sentiment in the card and popped it in the envelope.

Then I reached for.... Suddenly, I was puzzled. The only card left was the graduation card. If that’s the case...what was I writing in? I opened the envelope and there was the sympathy card...addressed to the young graduate! I started laughing, because I could just imagine which one would be funnier.

The new graduate with...

Remembering you 
in thought and prayer...

Let there be hope.
Let there be stories.
Let there be celebration
of a life well-lived.
Let there be tears,
but let there be happy memories
of all you shared.

or...

My cousin, the new widow, with the handwritten sentiment....

“Congratulations on your
Graduation & Best Wishes 
in your Future Endeavors!”

I told my cousin about it last night and we laughed till we cried. I wonder which one I should send it to?

When we were leaving Walmart later in the afternoon, I walked by a woman on her cell phone. Her husband had wandered off and she was on the phone, trying to explain he should turn around and he could see her. Finally, she got frustrated and without the phone, she yelled his name.

“Marco!!!”

To which I turned around and shouted...

“Polo!!!”

We stood looking at each other for half a beat and literally doubled over laughing. Oh, you can’t make this stuff up!

Later in the day, I was on the phone with my son-in-law’s mom. Her husband and our granddaughter, “Little”, went to the nursing home to see her great grandmother yesterday afternoon. When she got home she said,

“Mimi, Grandma has gotten sick and almost died so many times in the last few years. There have been times Mom picked us up and we just went straight to the nursing home to say goodbye. Then she rallies and gets better. You know, I think most people go up there and knock on the doors of Heaven and are let right in. But, not Grandma. I think she rings the doorbell and runs!”

What a delightfully happy diversion laughter can be when things are so hard and dark. Laughter IS the best medicine!!!

And, oh...by the way...my cousin won. I’m sending HER the card...as is!

❤️

“Everything on earth has its own time and its own season......for crying and laughing, weeping and dancing,”
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 CEV

Day 153: Ahhhh...That’s More Like It!

Tue, 18 Aug 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I can almost feel the stress melting off my shoulders by the moment. After the last few hectic weeks, and then backing off from social media, I am much more centered and relaxed. The fact that the nights have been cooler and we’ve been “camping” out in our field at the Ponderosa. Sleeping in my camper always makes me a happy girl!

I worked on the website for a few hours yesterday while Mr. FixIt was at the dentist. When he got home, we hooked up the trailer and took the mowers out to the farm. We got about halfway there and the road was soaked. It was so cool to watch the steam rising up from the hot asphalt after the rain that had just passed through. It wasn’t too much further that the road was dry. We bet each other whether there was rain at the farm. I said there was...and I won. Not a bet I wanted to win, though. The grass was thick and wet and not easy to mow.

When we were at the farm last time, we noticed that the internet wasn’t working. I called to report it and left my phone number but never heard from anyone. I sat down to call and was on hold for quite some time when I looked out the window to see the neighbor’s garden. Lo and behold, there on the bird seed bin was a brand new modem the phone guy left for me. I hooked it up and we were back in business in five minutes flat!

Once the lawn was mowed and I had a good thirty minute video chat with Daughter #1, we packed back up and headed home. I told Mr. FixIt that I felt we definitely deserved ice cream after all that so we stopped at the Piggly Wiggly to get some. We happily munched out on a Magnum Double Caramel bar on the way home!

As soon as we had everything unhooked and put away, I made a beeline for the camper to write. It was a little stuffy after being closed up all day, but it was soon cool and comfortable from the strategically placed fans. We don’t have a single thing planned till the 29th! I’ve been letting the tomatoes ripen and I think today is the day to get them picked and canned. Seriously, it won’t amount to much once I cook them down. As soon as the garden is finished, it’s camping time for us!

I feel a hundred pounds happier!

❤️

“Our Lord, we belong to you. We tell you what worries us, and you won't let us fall. But what about those people who are cruel and brutal? You will throw them down into the deepest pit long before their time. I trust you, Lord!”
Psalms 55:22-23 CEV

Day 152: Crisis Fatigue...Stepping Away With a Soft Heart

Mon, 17 Aug 2020 01:30:00 -0600

When is too much WAY too much? Where do you draw the line and say enough is enough? How do you step back when you just can’t do any more?

I eased my world a lot the last couple of weeks when I snoozed, unfollowed, unfriended, and...yes...even blocked a few people on my personal Facebook page. My decision to stop posting, forwarding, and commenting on anything remotely controversial and/or political helped a lot. I’ve even stepped out of a few chat rooms with really wonderful people for no other reason than I just can’t take one more thing right now.

I don’t know about you but I’m facing a very real case of crisis fatigue. When the human body is presented with a crisis situation, it produces cortisol...the hormone responsible for our fight or flight response. That’s really handy if you happen to be camping and a great big bear wanders across your path. The heightened attention and rapid response is meant to save your life. But, this year has been like walking into the International Convention of Pissed Off Grizzly Bears....every...single...day. When that happens, it doesn’t take long for the wheels to come off the bus.

Increased anxiety. Insomnia. Weight gain. Hypertension. Cushing Syndrome. Relationship distress. Even bone loss. All can occur from prolonged elevated levels of cortisol. Plain and simple...it’s just not good for you.

According to an article in WIRED Magazine written by Matt Simon... "Crisis fatigue manifests itself on two levels. On a societal level, it can tempt people to collectively throw up their hands and give up on civic engagement. 'Why not, if we’re going to hell in a handcart? Let’s just enjoy tomorrow.' Matthew Flinders, founding director of Sir Bernard Crick Centre for the Public Understanding of Politics at the University of Sheffield, told WIRED earlier this week."

Since 9/11, we have had multiple episodes of acute crises...wildfires, financial strife, social unrest, politics, Covid, job loss. Basically, the sound of the planes hitting the Twin Towers has echoed through every part of American life for the last twenty years. If there is that much havoc in our lives, isn’t it really a small thing to step back a little from the tiny screens that are occupying so much of our waking moments?

I write every day...I have to. It’s a part of who I am and what I do. But, when I get my screen usage report and it tells me just how much time I am spending on these devices, I realize that isn’t healthy either. I have this one group of girlfriends whom I dearly love. We went to high school together. We are each other’s cheerleaders. We are there for one another as we face the challenges of life. And, as much as I love them, we get chatty in that room and by the end of the day we can easily have fifty or more notifications pinging on our phones.

I know...I cant turn off the notifications, but I suffer from FOMO...fear of missing out. I’m like my grandma in that regard. If the phone rang, she’d break her neck to get to it so she could find out who was calling. It may have been someone she really didn’t care to have a conversation with at the time, but by golly...she wasn’t going to miss out on the possibility it was someone else. So, when the phone “pings”, I have to pick it up. I read. I respond. I set the phone down. Someone else responds. “Ping!” Pick up. Respond. Set down. It’s crazy.

If I didn’t have anything else going on in my life, it wouldn’t bother me a bit. And, I feel a bit silly...a little guilty perhaps...but I had to step away. I sent them loving messages and said, “It’s not you...it’s me. I can’t right now. I’ll be back someday, but right now? I just can’t.” They get it. They’re feeling it, too. Maybe they don’t know there is a name for it. Maybe they don’t know how to step back...or maybe they don’t need to.

I think the bottom line here is...you can step away with a soft heart. You don’t have to hurt anyone’s feelings or get agitated or up in arms. You can just be honest. It’s all so much. Yes, I could have just turned off the notifications and picked up the phone when I had time. But, I’d still be spending the same amount of time reading the updates and catching up.

It’s not like the individuals in the group can’t reach me or vise-versa. We are still friends on Facebook. We are still connected and are but a text away should someone want to reach out. Between that, shutting down websites and forwarded sources that I do not want to see, and snoozing several of the more vocal suspects, I felt a collective sigh of relief once I was done.

It’s ok to step away. When I think of all the things I am apt to miss, it’s decidedly my peace of mind that I miss the most. I’m well on the way to lowering those cortisol levels and promoting some peace in my life. Because here’s what happens when you step away from something. You make space between you. And, you can allow that space to be used for parking the offenses between others and yourself.

Best they sit in that space unattended than to sit in the space between your ears.

❤️

“God's Spirit doesn't make cowards out of us. The Spirit gives us power, love, and self-control.”
2 Timothy 1:7 CEV

Day 151: My Shining Ray of Hope in a Phone Call

Sun, 16 Aug 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I worked on my website for a few hours yesterday. The office is across the wall from the television in the family room and my sweet hubby was snoozed out in his recliner with a shoot ‘em up action film going. I could feel every boom to my toes so I turned on my music. The booms melded with the tympani of the orchestra and soon I was blissfully lost in my work. Did I mention I hate television? We have agreed on a compromise. Until my second cup of coffee is done, there will only be old reruns of Andy Griffith on the TV. Then I can go do whatever else I want to do. Win-Win!

We had three inches of rain yesterday between 6:00am and 2:30pm. I sure wish we could send some out west to help with the fires. Our high temp yesterday was predicted to be 73 degrees. I will take a day like that anytime!

As soon as the rain let up, I packed up a few things and was about to head out the door to the camper when my phone rang. I was one of my dearest friends in the whole world calling from Colorado. She read my post yesterday and said, “You DON’T want to come to Colorado! The smoke is so bad, we can’t even go out of the house!” We went on to talk for an hour and I’m telling you...it was like salve to a sore place, as my grandma used to say.

Barbara and I are about ten years apart in age, yet my youngest and her oldest are only nine months apart. We became fast friends when her husband opened his practice in the same small Colorado town where Hubby #2 and I lived. She’s that friend you may not talk to frequently, but when you connect, the time seems to melt away. I felt 1000% percent better after talking to her and hearing she is going through much of the same things I am feeling with all that’s going on. I was her God appointment of the day...I am sure.

When we finally said our goodbyes, I grabbed my camping bag filled with books and writing implements and told Mr. FixIt I was “going camping”! So, as I am writing this, I am tucked into TOW-Wanda...pretending I’m camped near a clear mountain lake high in the Rockies and I can literally feel the stress peel off of my weary heart and mind.

There are ways to escape...even when you are bound to your premises. Remember to protect your mental well-being as well as your physical health during stressful times. Chronic stress leads to high cortisol levels and that can lead to a lot of physical problems in and of itself. A phone call. A good book. I’m reading Aunt Arie: A Foxfire Portrait and just love it. Aunt Arie is so much like my grandma and her contemporaries that I grew up with and her stories take me back to my childhood. A change of scenery...even if it’s just in another room or a short drive away...can do wonders for your frame of mind.

There’s nothing like rain on the roof of a camper to put things in perspective and I am blessed to have this little home on wheels. I noticed a little bit of water on the floor so I need to do some sealing work in the next dry stretch.

❤️

“I give you peace, the kind of peace only I can give. It isn't like the peace this world can give. So don't be worried or afraid.”
John 14:27 CEV

Day 150: Just an Old Granny Grump

Sat, 15 Aug 2020 01:30:00 -0600

When my grandma got old and we’d ask her how she was doing, she’d say, “I’m just an old Granny Grump!” I have no idea how old “old” was to me at the time, and I surely didn’t grasp the full nuance of the term “Granny Grump”. But, I think I’m beginning to get it.

Ok...I’m not old, but I’m feeling like it lately. And I’m definitely feeling grumpy. Just ask my poor husband. It’s hard when you go on Facebook and you see your friends out doing things and you aren’t. It makes you wonder if maybe you’re being silly with all these Covid precautions. I mean, really...what harm could it do to hop on a plane or hook up the camper and drive across the country? I want to go camping. I want to go out to dinner. I want to go to Daytona Beach.

I want my life back.

I know. You do, too.

This isn’t easy. And getting ready to head into the winter months, feeling like this will never ever end can easily turn anyone into a Granny Grump. When we got home from town yesterday, I hopped on the mower and mowed the whole property. I can do a lot of thinking while I mow. I zipped past the camper and thought, “I could do it, you know. I could just pack that bad girl up and hit the open road and be in Colorado by the middle of next week!!!” Man, I miss my kids and grandkids and brother and friends. Mr. FixIt and I have been together more in the last 150 days than Mr. Virgo and I were in the entire seven years I knew him. I’ve never spent this much time with anyone and being the kind of person I am...I know full well I am much NICER when I have a little tiny bit of space to call my own.

Then I remember how awful it was when I found out what being really alone felt like. And I start feeling a little guilty about wanting some space. Because I know about grief and loss and aloneness. And...being careful what you wish for.

There is a difference between wanting to be alone and wanting a little space and time to recharge. Thank God, Mr. FixIt is pretty much back to being his healthy self. I still wouldn’t feel comfortable pulling the camper all the way to Colorado without him this summer, though. That’s too far away and not enough time has passed since the strokes. Then there’s the whole virus thing...so, here I am.

I’m just feeling a little stuck. And, I know I’m not the only one.

This is a tough time we are going through, considering everything that has happened this year. I am reminded of something I wrote about a long time ago. You can put an egg and a potato in boiling water. One will become hard. The other soft. The temperature of the water is the same, but what they turn into depends on what they are made of.

I will not let my present set of circumstances harden me.

This, too, shall pass.

❤️

“If you are a husband, you should be thoughtful of your wife. Treat her with honor, because she isn't as strong as you are, and she shares with you in the gift of life. Then nothing will stand in the way of your prayers.”
1 Peter 3:7 CEV

#JustSayin, #Grumpy, #Stuck

Day 144: Into the Woods I Wish I Could Go

Sun, 09 Aug 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I told Mr. FixIt yesterday that I want to go camping...right now. And I don’t want to come back till February. I don’t want a TV or a radio. I don’t want the Internet. I want my iPad and the ability to write and post essays to my blog everyday. But I don’t want anything else but peace.

I simply must find a way to stop getting sucked into the stories that upset me. I read an article warning against “doom-surfing”...getting on the internet and reading one bad thing after another till you’ve gone so far down the rabbit hole, it’s hard to find your way back. I tell myself, I’m being a concerned citizen. That I need to remain informed on current affairs. And, overall that is true. But, where I fall off the wagon is reading all the drama surrounding it.

I have sworn I won’t rant about politics on my page. Then, I wake up and look at my phone and see a trigger story. Before I know it, I’ve shot off my mouth and I haven’t even had coffee yet. I have a wonderful reader/friend who has been around the entire time I’ve been writing this blog. We have become good friends and have had lunch together when we were both visiting Denver. She commented so delicately...just one sentence...and it snapped me out of it. I wrote her a private message and thanked her for throwing me a line.

There are lots of things I can do to improve this world, but ranting on Facebook isn’t one of them. It gives people the wrong idea of the kind of person I am. And face it...do you really think that off-the-charts meltdown you’re having on social media is going to change anyone’s minds of you?

I have seen some responses from people on my side of the fence and I cringe when I read them. I mean, I totally understand where they’re coming from, but I cringe, nonetheless. The last couple of days, I’ve been trying to really cut back on “doom-surfing”. I look at this picture and really, really wish we were there...away from all this angst.

Since it’s impossible to go live on a mountaintop till February, I’m going to have to come up with diversionary tactics. I’m going to start setting a timer when I get on the internet and stop looking when the time is up. So far, that app that tells me how long I surf online has done nothing but shame me for wasting so much time. Perhaps a timer will be more useful.

I did get a couple new baking books. I’m returning one because I didn’t realize when I ordered it that’s it’s for professionals working in bakeries and restaurants. The recipes make huge amounts and it’s just the two of us. (Although, I did send a loaf of sourdough bread to Daughter #1 for their wedding anniversary dinner.) I have mastered sourdough. Now I think I’ll try baking a nice brioche.

❤️

“He was painfully abused, but he did not complain. He was silent like a lamb being led to the butcher, as quiet as a sheep having its wool cut off.”
Isaiah 53:7 CEV

Day 136: It’s All in the Tone

Sat, 01 Aug 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I was an absolute a$$ this week to one of my dearest friends in the world. She and I live on pretty opposite ends of the political spectrum and I usually do a decent job of keeping myself in check. But something in me snapped this week and I went way over my line in the sand and I knew I had hurt her. She went quiet. She didn’t open my texts. I realized I had put “being right” over “being smart”. Over “being kind”.

It does absolutely no good to scream at others over your differences. And, while I didn’t think I was “screaming”, I forgot that tone is everything with the written word. I was struck by something President Bush said at Senator John Lewis’ funeral: “Listen, John and I had our disagreements of course - but in the America John Lewis fought for, and the America I believe in, differences of opinion are inevitable elements and evidence of democracy in action.”

It takes a great deal of insight to recognize when you have crossed a boundary, and it takes courage and humility to ask forgiveness for your transgressions. I am not sorry for having my own ideas of what I feel is right. But I AM sorry for acting as though MY ideas should be everyone else’s ideas, too. The world isn’t black and white. We all believe in things through the lens of who we are, where we’ve been, what we’ve seen, and how we want the world to be.

I was relieved when my friend accepted my apology and we again expressed our love for each other. Does that mean we cannot have lively debate with others who disagree with us? No, of course not. But it DOES mean we are all God’s children and he loves us equally. We should pray as much for our own understanding as we do for the understanding of others. We can disagree and still come from a place of human decency and loving kindness.

Respect helps your ideas go a lot further than standing on a bully pulpit.

I so needed a break from all this daily angst online and in the news. When we woke up yesterday morning, Mr. FixIt asked what I wanted to do with my day and I said I wanted to drive up to Kidron, Ohio and check out Lehman’s Hardware. I’ve been drooling over their catalogs for years and it seemed like the perfect escape.

We grabbed coffee at the drive through and drove the two-and-a-half hours north. OMGosh! That place is the Smithsonian of hardware stores. Honestly, it would take several days of browsing (without the hubby) to take it all in. Building after building are connected with each one housing yet another genre of goodies to behold. I made a bee line for the kitchen area and honestly, I saw very little of the rest of the store.

I picked up some wonderful things for the kitchen. We needed a new pizza cutter. Ours broke over a year ago. I got one of those gadgets that cut the corn from the ear. I needed a new Foley Food Mill for separating the seeds and skins from the tomatoes when I can them. I lost mine in the downsizing, I think. I found a great springform pan with a glass bottom for making cheesecakes. I also found a skimmer with a very fine screen for getting the foam off the top of jelly before I put it in the jars. It will double as a fine sifter for putting rice flour on my sourdough loaves before I score them.

Let’s see...I got Lehman’s 65th Year recipe book that I can hardly wait to read. I found the perfect canning ladle. And, I got a little gizmo for making very small batches of homemade butter. Homemade butter doesn’t last quite as long as the kind you buy in the store and it’s not always easy to make up very small batches. This may be one of those gadgets that look like a better idea in the store than it actually does in the kitchen, but we shall see.

When we got home, I felt like I had been away for a week. And the very best part is, I didn’t spend so much time on the internet or Facebook and it gave me a much better outlook and attitude. And, my friendship is still intact without compromising my ideals. It was a very restorative and very humbling day. We need those from time to time.

It is a new month...another new start.

❤️

“If I have to brag, I will brag about how weak I am.”
2 Corinthians 11:30 CEV

Day 133: The Many Faces of Grief

Wed, 29 Jul 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I received a phone call yesterday from my baby cousin. She was the one who lived far away and came to visit us several times when we were growing up. She’s had her hands full...caring for her mom, my favorite auntie. And for her husband, who has been ill for quite some time. They are young...not quite sixty. I remember the first time I got to see her. She couldn’t quite walk and my aunt had her dressed in the sweetest little outfit with a matching coat. Her little curls stuck out from under the edges of the matching bonnet.

We were all smitten with our “Trinket”, as Grandma called her. She was like a china doll and we didn’t even mind that Grandma paid all her attention to this little one. We knew she was special. Anyway...she called yesterday. Her beloved husband passed in his sleep Sunday night. My heart breaks for her because I know what she is going through. I know what she has ahead of her. I pray for her comfort and peace. I know she is very strong and capable and she will get through this. I just hate it for her.

When I look back at pictures of us all those many years ago, we had no idea what was going to happen to us in our lives. She is now the third of us cousins to lose a spouse. Grandma lost her only love when she was sixty-five. She showed us girls how to live through that with strength and dignity and courage.

There are so many faces of grief. It isn’t just the death of a person that grieves us. We can feel just as deep grief whether the source is a person, place, or thing. I’ve been grieving a potential loss the last couple of years knowing my beloved family farm will not always be “mine”. My uncle owns it and he is aging now. He cannot keep coming to fix it or put the money into it forever, so the time will come.

I was grieving that more this week since the tree came down and the house needed fixing. It made the “eventuality” come closer to the forefront. I have to admit, I became distraught over it. Then “Trinket” lost her husband and God whispered...”All things must come to an end and come Home to me.”

We can make all the plans we want. We can have dreams and adventures. And in the end, our best gift is the memories we made with the time we were given. I’ve been having a lot of fun with this baking and gardening and canning. And, as soon as that settles down, my focus is back on writing. I’m going to write the story of...The Farm: A Story of Love and Land. I’ll gather pictures and stories from everyone and we’ll have a book for the family to read and remember. Then we’ll have a grand reunion and say a proper goodbye to this home of my heart.

I have no idea how much time I have exactly for this project, but I’m giving myself a year. That should be plenty. And it will help ease my dependence on the old house. Someday she will not be ours...she will belong to another family. But, she will always and forever be the home of my heart.

❤️

“My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest. Though hail flattens the forest and the city is leveled completely, how blessed you will be, sowing your seed by every stream, and letting your cattle and donkeys range free.”
Isaiah 32:18-20 NIV

Day 130: Not What I Expected

Sun, 26 Jul 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Even with everything that’s gone on this year since the initial lockdown, yesterday felt different. Mr. FixIt and I were heading to our great-grandson’s 1st Birthday Party. We needed to make a stop at Walmart to pick some things up to take with us. There is only one entrance open now at the Walmart we shop at.

“This Door for Emergency Use Only” the sign said.

Yellow caution tape lined the area where we were inspected for masks before entering the store. That is good. I want people to wear masks. But this time I could feel the longevity of this disease. It’s too late to say “If only everyone would have worn masks, we wouldn’t have to face months and months of this.” That ship has sailed. I am learning of more and more people getting the virus. People I know personally. The families of people I know personally.

We went to the party and the family had placed signs on a table asking people to stay 6’ back. So, at one end, you have the young mommies and daddies with their little ones...all congregating around the pizza and the cake and the presents. At the other end, you had the grandmas and the grandpa and the family members that practice social distancing. Which was just fine. We visited at a distance and had masks to put on if someone sat a little too close.

What went through my mind was...the birthday boy is a year old now and I haven’t held him since February. Our great-granddaughter is almost three. She knows now which grandparents can’t hold her so she’s stop asking for cuddles. The baby is six months old now and doesn’t know who we are. It breaks my heart.

I look back over the photos in my iPad at times when social isolation and masks were something that they did in Hong Kong during SARS....not here. It’s getting to be hard to imagine going someplace with the freedom we had BC (before Covid). I try not to dwell on it, but it’s increasingly hard not to.

It helps tremendously to think of what’s above and not what’s here on earth. This is not my home in the end. I am just passing through here and there is a home in heaven with my name on it. This is God’s promise to me. The Bible tells us we will have troubles here. It’s just the nature of life here on earth.

I fill my days, though. Lands...I don’t have hardly a moment to call my own these days. After the birthday party, we stopped for a burger on the way home. Then Mr. FixIt suggested we take a ride out this country road to where there were a lot of nurseries at one time. One of my cousins told us they are selling tomatoes and other produce in front of a couple of “high tunnels”...greenhouses that look like a Quonset hut.

There was a table set up out front, under a folding canopy, laden with the most beautiful tomatoes you can imagine. There were peppers and cucumbers, too. There was a price list and it was all on the honor system. We don’t need tomatoes as ours are just beginning to ripen. And, they didn’t have green beans, which is what I’m looking for. So we didn’t purchase anything.

I can’t believe it is Sunday again...it just seems like yesterday. The time seems to be flying by...which I suppose is a good thing, given all the circumstances. Still, I really feel like we need to really feel the feels that go along with this crisis or we will miss the lessons we can learn from it. It’s easy to stay present when it’s a pleasant experience. Not so much when things are rough.

Maybe we will appreciate our freedoms more once this is all over.

❤️

“Think about what is up there, not about what is here on earth.”
Colossians 3:2 CEV

Day 118: The Books from Beyond

Tue, 14 Jul 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I have a mystery. But it has a backstory you need to hear first.

If you’ve been following me for some time, you know I moved to West Virginia from Colorado to care for my elderly aunt who was living alone on the family farm. We tried it out for ten rather long and, dare I say, miserable weeks for both of us. She was a strong willed, independent woman who expected you to do what she said, when she said it. I’m not the type to take orders well, so when she invited me to leave on Christmas Day, I took myself on a totally different adventure for the following couple of years.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but Aunt Peeps was slipping into the netherworld of dementia which caused her to lose what little bit of a filter she had to begin with. Still, I had wonderful conversations with her over the years. If she liked you, she would do anything to help you achieve your dreams. She admired hard work and perseverance. She was a teacher...erudite and proper.

I remember when I was very young, she came to visit with photographs from Cleveland and Washington, DC. Grainy black and white snapshots depicting water fountains and lunch counters with signs over them that said “Whites Only”. I didn’t understand what that meant and she carefully explained racism to me in words a little girl might comprehend. She was quite adamant...as was my grandma...that we never, ever treat other’s differently. We are all God’s children.

I grew up poor. Not dirt poor. Not welfare poor. But we didn’t have a lot of extras and ate from grandma’s garden quite a bit. I married my high school boyfriend and escaped what I felt at the time was the hell of West Virginia. When that marriage failed, I ended up marrying a young physical therapist who was heading into medical school. As our affluence increased, we rose higher and higher on the white privilege scale. Five years after that marriage ended, I met Mr. Virgo. He had worked his entire career in the hospitality industry at numerous Five Star resorts and restaurants around the world. So I was still in the realm of privilege. I had a housekeeper and a full length blue fox coat and a new car every couple of years.

I don’t believe I’ve ever been overtly racist, but there were many years where I just didn’t really give the struggles of ethnic communities much thought. And that is the essence of what is referred to as white privilege. With the onset of civil unrest over racial disparities, I have taken it upon myself to learn as much as I can on the subject so that I can better understand the plight of People of Color. I want to be a better human.

After Aunt Peeps died, my uncle came to the farm to get some of her papers that he needed to settle her estate. These papers were in boxes in the closet upstairs in her bedroom. The next time I was out there, I went upstairs and there were a few items on the bed. There was also a day bed up there with several boxes of my own things. I didn’t notice anything of any import that day.

Last weekend, when I was out there working on the taxes, it was so bloody hot and the air conditioner was not working. I went upstairs to turn the fan on in the bedroom opposite hers. As I was coming back out of the room to the top of the stairs, I glanced into Aunt Peeps’ room and noticed something I hadn’t seen before. There were two books laying neatly stacked on the pillow. I would have sworn they weren’t there before.

I went in and picked up the books and my jaw dropped.

“The Autobiography of Malcom X” by Alex Haley.

“Black Boy” by Richard Wright.

Two seminal literary works about the black experience in this country. Not at all the kind of books I saw my aunt reading as I grew up or when I lived with her. And certainly not anything I had ever seen there before. Where did they come from? Who placed them so carefully where I would be sure to find them? I have no idea. But I picked them up and smiled, tucked them neatly under my arm, and have set a goal to read them both to better understand.

Ever the educator. Ever the fair-minded yet fierce educator. I believe my Aunt Peeps left me a gift...exactly the gift I needed at exactly the right time.

She teaches...still.

❤️

“For God does not show favoritism.”
Romans 2:11 NIV

Day 117: Hallelujah...A Cool Night!

Mon, 13 Jul 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I have really missed getting out and camping this summer. We did get some good camping in during the cool nights of spring, but once the summer heat index started creeping up, and night time temps didn’t go down enough for sleeping in the camper without air conditioning, we were kind of stuck sleeping inside. We could take the camper to a campground nearby, but there are a few reasons why that’s not optimal. Mr. FixIt is still having physical therapy and medical appointments. We have the cat...and the garden needs watering daily. And, why should we pay to camp in a noisy campground with potential Covid exposure when we have five free acres and our own electric?

It rained off and on all day yesterday. It did get up to the low eighties, but the low was predicted to be 61℉! That’s all I needed to hear. Once I was finished with the bread dough and had it in the fridge to rise overnight, I gathered my writing gear and headed out to the camper. I haven’t been in it for a few weeks so I needed to open it up, air it out, and cool it off. But within a very short time, it was quite comfortable in there and I quickly set up my little writing nook...happy as a clam!

I had a long video chat with Daughter #1 for her birthday on Saturday. It’s not the same as being there with her and it has been many years since I’ve missed a birthday in person. It breaks my heart that I can’t be there this summer. I have never gone this long without seeing my kids and I don’t like it one bit. I think, if I had a smaller camper and if Mr. FixIt hadn’t had the two strokes this spring and if we didn’t have the cat or the garden...I’d pack us up and head west. The good thing about traveling with the camper is being self enclosed with your own kitchen, bathroom, and bed. You can pretty much self-isolate as you travel as long as you are extra careful at the gas pump.

I’m watching the zucchini getting bigger and bigger. I’m really looking forward to making pickles this week and showing you how it’s done. It is a great way to use up those huge zucchini that get away from you in the garden and they are SO delicious! I could eat a whole jar with a fork. The tomatoes are looking great and the peppers are getting bigger. I am not sure if the banana peppers are ready yet. I don’t know what they are supposed to look like. I thought they were supposed to turn yellow, but they are still green. I’ll take pictures tomorrow so maybe some of you with experience can tell me.

I’ll bake bread early this morning to keep the house from getting too hot. As soon as the loaves are cool, I’ll wrap them and ship them to my girls as a treat from mom. If I can’t be there to hug them, at least I can send them bread baked with Mom-love. I remember one time going over two years without seeing my mom. I remember being so incredibly shocked by how she had aged in such a relatively short time and vowed I would never do that again. And I didn’t. I took my kids to West Virginia every summer of their lives while my mom was still living.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my mom and my grandparents this weekend. I’ve been thinking how terribly worried I would have been about them...living so far away in Colorado. And now, it’s me that’s here and my own kids and brother are the ones out west. I would have never predicted this scenario in my wildest dreams. But you know what they say...if wishes were horses, and all that. This is the hand we have been dealt. This is the hand we will play.

I caught a picture of Pumpkin sleeping beside me on the deck yesterday afternoon. I seldom see her sleeping as there is SO much to do and see on HER five acres!

❤️

“The Lord answered, “Could a mother forget a child who nurses at her breast? Could she fail to love an infant who came from her own body? Even if a mother could forget, I will never forget you. A picture of your city is drawn on my hand. You are always in my thoughts!”
Isaiah 49:15-16 CEV

Day 115: Seeing Things in a Different Light

Sat, 11 Jul 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I went out to the farm again yesterday because our internet went out...again! Another call to Frontier...another scheduled visit from a tech. The last time he told us there was nothing more he could do for us and we really don’t have much of a choice out here. We are paying for something we aren’t getting so we’re going to have to have a little chit chat with the business office next week.

As I sat in my grandma’s chair and looked out her window, I couldn’t help but wonder how she would have handled this unprecedented event. My grandma didn’t have a bad word to say about anyone, but she also didn’t suffer a fool. If you crossed her or stepped out of your lane, she was darn quick to let you know about it. She did it with great finesse.

There seems to be a perfect storm of sorts right now and people are having a hard time being civil with one another. It’s always been worse on social media because the bullies are used to hiding behind a screen. There’s a new twist now...now it’s spilled over into the every day world. My friend Aimee was over it yesterday. She posted a rant about treating people with respect...and that includes the people in service industries...especially young people working for minimum wage. I am so proud my husband was gentle with the girl that served him without a mask or gloves. There are some who would have gone on a full out meltdown. Another friend, Gail, said she was over all this name calling and angry outbursts at each other.

I know this is a difficult time. I have been busy hiding ugly posts from sources I never want to see again. I’ve caught myself getting testy with people from time to time. It’s just all so overwhelming, but there is no excuse for abhorrent behavior. I don’t want to be part of the problem. I want to be part of the change...the movement back toward goodness and kindness. I want to be an example of love and light. I want to be more like Jesus in everything I do.

Today is Daughter #1’s birthday. It’s the first one I have missed in a very long time and I am saddened by that. Forty-six years I’ve been a mother. She and I grew up together...we learned together. I swear, I have no idea how she survived my parenting because I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I raised her in Colorado...far from my mom and my grandma. For a while, it was just the two of us. Those were some of the most difficult days of my life...being a single mother with a preschooler....far, far from home. At the same time, they were our foundation. It’s how she became a rock. She had no choice but to be strong. It was a survival skill. Anyway, I miss her terribly. I miss all my Colorado peeps.

We had a heck of a storm blow through here last evening. Everything turned this incredible yellowy, pinkish orange color and the rain just poured. It didn’t last long, but it surely gave the ground a nice drink. Our earth is so parched, cracks are forming. The rain came down so hard it couldn’t even go in the gutters...it just flew over the top of them.

Today won’t be quite so hot which will be a welcome break. Maybe the internet will work long enough to make some headway on these taxes. Time is running out.

❤️

“Don't be hateful to people, just because they are hateful to you. Rather, be good to each other and to everyone else.”
1 Thessalonians 5:15 CEV

Day 111: Priorities

Tue, 07 Jul 2020 01:30:00 -0600

It was nearly 90℉ by 10:30 yesterday morning. I knew I needed to get the mowing finished soon or it would have to wait till evening again. The risk of waiting is the sudden thunderstorms that often crop up when it gets this hot outside. The humidity works like an old fashioned coffee percolator. The heat causes the moisture to rise and percolate up through the cooler air above, causing those tall storm clouds and resultant downpours. Once that starts, mowing is done for the day. The longer you stretch out mowing, the less of a break you get before it’s time to get out on the mower again.

I was finished by around 1:00 and came inside to rehydrate and sit in the air conditioning. Our AC runs constantly at this time of year. It was set at 73 and couldn’t get the house below 80. I went out for a swim. Believe me, the water is not refreshing when it’s 91℉ and the air temp is 96. But it was wet and I cleaned the pool and getting out was refreshing when the breeze caught me. As I sat down to write this, I sent Mr. FixIt a text at the other end of the house and asked him when was the last time he changed the air filter on the whole house air conditioner. He went downstairs and changed it, stating it was pretty dirty. Soon after, the house cooled down a great deal and we were both a lot more comfortable.

As I was writing this, notifications kept pinging on my phone. One came across and stopped me in my tracks. It seems an NFL quarterback just signed a ten year extension with his team for $500,000,000. That’s a lot of zeroes to throw a ball around. I got to thinking about what could be done with that kind of money. That would build about 19 really good schools. Or, buy 500,000 iPads for classrooms. Or build 3,333 Habitat for Humanity houses. Or provide 192,307,692 school lunches. Instead, it will go to one man who will throw a ball to other men who are paid to catch it and run. And children in this country go to bed hungry at night. Where is our outrage on that? I shake my head at the priorities of today. Call it Covid Consciousness...but I think there are a lot better places for money to be thrown than professional sports. Is that un-American of me? Mr. Virgo would have thought so. He was quite the football freak. Go, Eagles!

Our governor came out with a mandate yesterday. Masks will be worn in all public buildings in West Virginia. Our pastor came online and said rather than to bow to that, they will go back to online only church. Fine...whatever works and keeps people healthy. It wasn’t five minutes and Facebook lit up with all the protests of rights being infringed upon. I honestly just don’t get it. It really is such a simple thing to do.

To quote Gov. Justice: “Just wear the dang mask, people. C’mon!”

❤️

“Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you.”
Hebrews 13:17 ESV

Day 110: Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You...

Mon, 06 Jul 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I was just a child when President Kennedy uttered those famous words. I am not a strong student of the political climate of the early ‘60s, but I do know the times were changing...much as they are now. But, the big difference is...we are a more divided nation now, I think. Everything seems to be pitting us against one another, driving a wedge between us. But, is it really? Or is that the illusion? Is that what the enemy wants you to believe? And, by the enemy, I am NOT pointing to anyone politically. I am referring to THE enemy...the ULTIMATE enemy.

I’m not sure there is any issue more blatantly representative of this politicization than face masks. For some unknown-to-me reason, there is a huge faction of our populace who think being asked to wear a face mask is akin to denying us our inalienable rights. I don’t know about you and where you stand on the issue. And I’m not bringing this up to start a fight or to invite controversy. I’m just making an observation that there seem to be two camps...those that will wear them and those who refuse, for whatever reason.

There are plenty of graphics around that show the benefits of wearing a mask and how it can help keep down the spread of Covid-19. If you’ve been following me for any length of time, you may remember I wrote early on that there would come a time in this when people would deny what they saw with their own eyes and would rebel. And it seems we are in the midst of that these last couple of weeks.

Wearing a mask is such a simple thing to do. It’s a sign of mutual respect to try to keep others from getting sick. I know, there are a very few who cannot physically wear the masks because of COPD or asthma or some underlying medical issue. But, for the most part, it will not hurt us to wear a mask when we are out and about. We will not die from carbon dioxide poisoning. I know, I know...I’m opening a can of worms here. But I have spent long days wearing masks and I have not dropped dead from it. Neither have the surgeons and anesthesiologists and nurses who wear them for hours at a time, day in and day out.

People don’t seem to understand what is coming out of our mouths. I get it. It’s hard to understand the water droplets and how they travel and carry the virus along with them. I’m a visual person, too. I need to see a demonstration or try things out myself. I am a hands on learner. And, when I saw this picture posted yesterday, I knew...this is the teaching tool that might finally make people understand.

When we go out in the cold in the winter time, we all are very familiar with what happens to our breath. We exhale a cloud out into the cold air with every breath we breathe out. And that cloud is the water droplets that carry the coronavirus. If you are outside, standing six feet away from each other, the chance of breathing in someone else’s “cloud” is reduced. However, if you are standing in a crowded place indoors with little air filtration, your “cloud” and my “cloud are going to mix with all the other “clouds” within a certain radius.

Now, that’s with just basic breathing. Add alcohol, a crowded bar, loud music and shouting to be heard over it...folks leaning in to catch what you said. You’ve just amped up that little conversational “cloud” into a big, bad storm “cloud”. Or, you’re standing in lines to get into a crowded restaurant. Or, you’re in a crowded shopping situation. This is why the folks going to the beach are spreading the virus faster than those who marched in any of the protests out of doors...because they spent a good amount of time interacting with others in restaurants, bars, and shopping.

This brings up the subject of singing...including in church. You actually CAN sing with a mask on. And if you can’t, then be sure you are maintaining social distance. And if you can’t, then...either don’t sing, or stay home and watch online. It’s not forever. It’s not permanent. It’s just for now...for a little while longer. And it’s not trying to take away your rights. Do you think Jesus would risk making others sick? I have to think he would be fine with us being our brother’s keeper and...you know...putting others above ourselves.

If neither of us wear a mask, our risk of infecting others or being infected ourselves is at its highest. If we both stay indoors away from everyone, our risk is at its lowest. Somewhere in between the two is where we have to live in the coming months until either the virus morphs into something less infectious, or there is a trusted vaccine or treatment. The kindest and most recommended place to stand on that spectrum is to accept the minor inconvenience of wearing a mask so we CAN get back to normal faster. Europeans did it, and look at their numbers.

You wear a seat belt. You put your babies in car seats. You don’t eat food off the floor of a bathroom in a New York subway. You stop at stop signs. Being asked to wear a mask is no more an infringement on your rights than any of these other things. We all have the right to live and our best chance to do that is to be careful as best we can. If you don’t have a mask, let me know...I’ll make sure you get one.

So, that’s my soapbox for the day. I know all the arguments. I think I’ve heard every one of them...many times. This is just me, asking you to be careful and stay healthy so that we ALL can be free after they get a handle on this. ‘Cause...I love y’all!

❤️

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:4 ESV

Day 108: Chronicles of a Country Wife

Sat, 04 Jul 2020 01:30:00 -0600

After staying up late to bake two loaves of sourdough bread on Thursday night, I mixed up a batch of dough for English Muffins. I love this recipe because you put it in the fridge overnight and bake them the next morning. And, it makes three dozen smaller muffins or two-and-a-half dozen regular sized ones. I used my electric skillet this time. I had more control over the temperature. And, I could cook a dozen at a time. You cook them on one side for about seven minutes, turn them over, pop the lid on, and cook another seven minutes. Then I put them back on the baking sheet and put them in a 350 degree oven for about nine minutes. They were perfect, and...I can freeze them and have fresh English Muffins for the next three weeks!

Once the muffins were finished and the kitchen cleaned, I was pretty much finished for the day. The internet is giving us fits and the guy came out to fix it. It worked for two hours then was off again. That’s one of the frustrating things about living out in the country...modern conveniences aren’t as quick and easy to come by. He’ll come back soon and hopefully figure things out.

I noticed on my rounds through the garden that something was into my squash. I looked around and very nearly stepped on a good sized box turtle. I explained to the little critter there wasn’t room for the both of us in my veggie patch and he had to move back down to the creek. I carried him to the end of the far field and set him loose in the underbrush with lots of vegetation and water accessibility. He doesn’t need my squash and tomatoes as much as I do.

I harvested the first zucchini from the garden and made Zucchini Fritters with it. Mix up a batter with half cultured buttermilk and half all purpose flour. Salt and pepper to taste. Mix with a fork till well blended but little lumps are ok. Dip each slice one at a time in the batter and slip into a pan with hot oil. Cook till golden on each side and drain on paper towels. I served them alongside pork chops and it was fabulous!

You can find the English Muffin recipe here: https://www.kingarthurflour.com/recipes/sourdough-english-muffins-recipe

Enjoy your Fourth of July, dear ones!

❤️

“who teaches us more than the beasts of the earth and makes us wiser than the birds of the heavens?’”
Job 35:11 ESV

Day 106: Tipping the Scale

Wed, 01 Jul 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Oh....it’s July. I feel like we should be peeking around the corner very carefully...you know, just in case it’s a trap!

So, I went to the doctor yesterday. All the usual precautions...wear a mask, don’t arrive more than fifteen minutes before your appointment, practice social distancing, no one can come with you. No problem...this was my “Great Escape”....my master plan for getting a few hours on my own.

They took my temp, asked me the questions...Have you traveled outside the country in the past fourteen days? I wish! Have you had a fever, cough, or difficulty breathing? Nope. Have you been around anyone diagnosed with Covid-19? No, I haven’t been around anyone but Mr. FixIt since February...that’s why I’m at the doctor ALONE! I feel kinda like I did the first time my last child went to school. Yippeeeeee!

Lorri called me back and we exchanged the usual pleasantries. She finally got a little time off. My feet and legs aren’t hurting as much. She’s been having some neck pain. I’ve been trying to get three hours to myself. You know...girl stuff. Then...she took me down the hall...to the dreaded scale.

Now, if you have been reading this blog at all for the last four months, you know that I have been obsessed with baking. Sourdough, homemade pizza, tofu, biscuits, English muffins, jam, apple pie, yoghurt. Comfort foods like fried potatoes and cookies and grilled cheese. Outings for ice cream. Hokey smokes...I’ve been doing the walk of shame from the refrigerator to the recliner for months! I was really, REALLY dreading this. But...what can you do? It’s gotta be done, I suppose.

I was shocked.

I gained one pound. Sixteen little ounces!

Dodged a bullet there.

During my seven or so hours on my own, I went to Sam’s and Walmart and the Post Office. I stopped and got Mr. FixIt a drink and waited outside PT for the last five minutes so I could give it to him. I mean, I was driving right by...and I knew he would appreciate a cold drink after they worked him hard in there. Yeah...I’m such a softie. What can I say...I love the big lug!

While I was out driving around, I was still trying to figure out what went wrong with my sourdough on Monday. I went through all the steps trying to figure out what was different when it struck me. The last time I bought unbleached flour, it was the the only kind they had at the Piggly Wiggly...the store brand. Cheap, yes...but who knows how old or what quality it was or even if it really WAS unbleached. You have to used unbleached flour or the wild yeasts are killed by the residual chlorine in the flour. As I was thinking back, I realized the last couple of weeks, my sourdough starter hasn’t been as robust as it had been. That had to be it. I bought some King Arthur’s Unbleached All Purpose Flour at the store, came home, and fed the starter and...BAM! Bubbly and active. I love science!

Once the groceries were put away, I spent over an hour out in the pool. Now...that was heavenly! It was 90℉ and sticky humid. I vacuumed and skimmed the pool and floated around and gazed upon my surroundings. God and I had a long talk and I apologized that I hadn’t been spending enough time with him of late. I thanked him for every single thing I set my eyes on. And then...I thanked him so much for giving me the greatest guy a gal could ever want when he set Mr. FixIt in my path.

Seven little hours. One little pound.

It was a really great day.

❤️

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”
Psalms 51:10-12 NIV

Day 104: A Day of Introspection & Praying for Karen

Mon, 29 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I finished all the mowing on Saturday so I didn’t have anything on my schedule but online church yesterday. I puttered around in the garden. I watered all the tomato plants with the epsom salt solution. I trimmed some wild growth along the back fence that’s threatening the garden with too much shade. There’s a deer wandering around with a bum leg and I checked on her. She seems to be eating and getting to the water in the creek ok so I’m just going to watch her for awhile. I fed the sourdough starter and made a great supper. We ate out on the deck which was lovely. Then took a long walk around the property. I wanted to show Mr. FixIt a fruit tree I found along the edge of the field. It looks like a peach. Or maybe a cherry. No fruit, though.

I watched CBS Sunday Morning yesterday with my coffee. They did a story on the memes that have been out about the “Karens” of the world...typically white middle-aged housewives who are prone to ask to speak to the manager. I’ve worked in hospitality and in medicine and lived near Aspen for years. I’m quite familiar with the type of privilege this embodies.

I wondered where they would take this with the videos of women (and men) behaving badly and I was glad to see the turn it took at the end. My job at the hotels I worked at was to deal with disgruntled guests. Disgruntled guests who had dropped a bundle of money to stay where they were staying. I myself have had to speak to managers before, but I can guarantee I never threw a hissy fit the likes of which would scare any preschooler straight.

It’s difficult to deal with this kind of person in general. Back when I dealt with them, cell phones with video cameras weren’t around yet. I can imagine seeing someone tape you acting a fool is comparable to throwing gasoline on an open flame. Do we really think trying to shame them by splashing their less than flattering behaviors all over the internet is going to change them? Or is it just bringing us down to their level using their meltdown for some sort of amusement...sort of like watching a train wreck?

My answer when dealing with them directly was to find a common ground and appeal to their sense of fairness. That was then. We’ve unleashed an entirely new beast now. Let’s just say, I am really glad I’m not working in customer service anymore. Now I just pray for them that they somehow see themselves more honestly. That they “wake up”.

A friend shared a video taken in a local park. A young black man and his father got out of their car to walk and a man walking a dog stopped and stared at them. Then he started saying terrible things to them...racial slurs and worse. The young man told his dad this was his first experience with racism. The dad said he had never seen it this bad. It broke my heart that this was in my home town.

I feel like I’m living in the Twilight Zone. It’s like we’re living in the Civil War, the Civil Rights Era, Watergate, and the Ten Plagues...all at once. Add health issues and the extra chores and the heat and no “me time” and I’m getting downright cranky.

My only answer now is prayer. Lots and lots of prayer.

Oh...and skinny dipping in the dark.

That’s good for the soul.

You can see the CBS Sunday Morning story here: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/faith-salie-on-the-term-karen/

❤️

“Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!”
James 5:9 NIV

Day 103: Duty, a Dip, and Date Night

Sun, 28 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

After my morning coffee, Mr. FixIt was on the phone when I walked by, blew him a kiss, and went out to mow. It was pretty hot out there, but I have learned how to mow with one hand and hold a huge golf umbrella with the other. I have to wear a mask because of all the allergens that get stirred up, so it’s kind of stuffy and sticky out there. I’ve figured out how to hold the umbrella just right to catch any hint of a breeze which makes the chore so much easier.

I was just about finished with the two big fields when I saw my sweetheart come out and start with the push mower. He mowed around the areas I couldn’t reach with the big riding mower. Then he got the weed eater out and trimmed around the yard as I took up the push mower inside the fenced yard. I kept one eye on my work and the other to make sure Mr. FixIt didn’t overdo in the heat, but he did great. It was a good day.

He feels bad when he can’t do everything he did before, but he is gaining his strength and the confidence that comes with realizing he’s improving. I was talking with my cousin the other day. She asked how I was holding up. I told her I was doing great. I’m keeping really busy and that occupies my mind so it doesn’t go places it doesn’t need to go. Listen, I’d be lying if I said none of this has affected me. I would surely have loved having fifteen years of the fun stuff before we have to deal with the not so fun stuff of health issues. But, that’s not what happens in real life. Not when you marry at our age. The truth is, it doesn’t make a bit of difference if we were married a week or a year or two decades...you do what you need to do when circumstances change. It’s in the vows we took that day in our field...”to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death I do part.” It is our sworn duty.

My duty is to do the things Mr. FixIt can’t right now. Just as he would do if the roles were reversed. One can whine about it. Or one can put on the big girl panties and get the job done. It’s a choice. I always choose joy and love. I mowed, watered the garden, and tied up the tomato plants. Easy peasy.

When we were finished with the hot and dusty work in the yard, we took a refreshing dip in the pool. It’s times like that when I can totally justify the extra work and expense the pool entails. We cleaned and skimmed and walked around while we talked and enjoyed a perfectly beautiful evening. I swam up to my man and said,

“Hey...how would you like to buy me dinner?”

He lit up like a Christmas tree. We decided on Italian, placed our order, then drove to town. As we were picking up our food, the leaden skies opened up into a downpour. We drove across the river and found a lovely parking spot where we could watch the boat traffic. We had our picnic in the rain...inside the truck. It seems to do that every date night, but it doesn’t dampen our enthusiasm.

We got home just before dark and walked around a bit, checking out the garden and the fruit trees. We don’t have a single pear this year. There were late frosts this spring and that took care of any hopes of a bountiful harvest like last year. We have onions and zucchini and crook neck squash setting on and several tomatoes are showing. There are teeny, tiny peppers starting to grow and the pumpkin plants are vining. I love watching a garden grow and this year I’m actually going to be here to enjoy it.

We came in and I fed my sourdough starter in preparation for baking today. As I was settling in to write this, I thought...”How many times and how many ways can I tell them I’m mowing and baking bread?” Spoiler alert: Many, many times!

❤️

““But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind. Does not the ear test words as the tongue tastes food? Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?”
Job 12:7-12 NIV

Day 102: Back From the Farm

Sat, 27 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I was telling Mr. FixIt on the way home yesterday...when I get to stay a couple of days at the farm, I feel like I’ve had a week’s vacation. It’s not like I went out there and put my feet up for two days. There was mowing to be done. Cooking, cleaning, and laundry. But there’s something about that place that renews my energy. It’s magical.

When I awoke yesterday morning, I was rested and refreshed. I achieve a deeper sleep at the farm. The bed is smaller. It’s up against the wall and, since Mr. FixIt’s strokes, I get the inside up against the wall. And I get the window at my feet. The night air in that holler gets pretty cool so I throw another blanket on instead of closing that window. I crave fresh air. I sleep with the window open year ‘round. Yeah...you should have been a fly on the wall when we had THAT discussion.

We had a really hard rain during the night while we were at the farm. The noise is deafening on that old tin roof. And it’s a symphony to my soul. As the rain subsides, the water continues to drip from the top roof to the porch roof and the plink, plink, plink is a song I’ve listened to since I was a baby. There’s truly nothing like it.

The first night we were there, my cousin and his wife came over to share a wonderfully sweet watermelon I picked up in town. We sat at the picnic table Mr. FixIt bought me for my first birthday we were together. The second night, I stood across the road and spoke with the neighbors about our gardens and how the creek is trying to navigate it’s way back to it’s original position before they built his house. I turned to look back at Grandma’s house and noticed one of the trees on the bank across the creek leaning way far out. It looked as though it might fall on the house at any minute.

I walked back home and inspected the errant tree. I called Mr. FixIt out front to look at it. We decided it likely will not hit the house if it comes down, but its branches would more than likely damage the front porch and would definitely take down the power lines and the satellite dish. So, there’s another job that needs doing...sooner rather than later.

My view when I first open my eyes at the farm is this window. It was Grandma and Pop-Pop’s view for many, many years. I cannot look out this window without feeling like the luckiest woman on the planet. I can’t quite describe what it feels like to truly be “home”. I spent decades pretending Colorado was home...but it never, ever was. My people are there. My home is here. My heart lives in both places. I will forever be torn...first when I longed to live in West Virginia, and now because so many of my loves live so far from me.

I cannot help but think back to my mother. She was in her last couple of years of life when I begged her to move to Colorado where I could take better care of her and my brother. She refused. This was home. I was furious with her because I couldn’t help her like I wanted to and I felt she was SO stubborn. And now, here I am. There will be a conversation down the road when my daughters will want me to come “home” to Colorado so they can better care for me. And, I will be the one saying no. At least, as long as Mr. FixIt is around. That day is not today.

Today, I live where my spirit sings.

❤️

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.””
Matthew 6:34 TLV

Day 94: But...What About MY Rights?

Fri, 19 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Masks. Jeez-o-Pete....there’s a subject that has become a tinderbox, hasn’t it? A lifelong friend who happened to spend her entire career as a nurse, shared some thoughts on her page yesterday encouraging people to wear masks to church. More and more outbreaks of Covid-19 are happening at churches that have opened back up. We watch our church online for health reasons, but when you watch...no one is wearing a mask. I spoke with friends who were there in person and they said maybe a handful of people were wearing them.

Our pastor spoke into the camera and welcomed those at home, then continued with his message to those in the room. He flat out said that we shouldn’t let them take our rights away and we should be in the room, worshipping together. He said, and I quote, “If you get sprayed on, you get sprayed on. So be it.” I was furious. I sent a well worded message to the powers that be and explained that it was wonderful to be welcomed and feel included...right up to the point where he essentially told us at home that we weren’t being faithful enough and relying on God to keep us safe. The following week, and every week since, the pastor has spoken into the camera and welcomed us watching from home and they were all looking forward to the day when we can all worship together. Big difference there. I sent another note thanking him for recognizing we cannot all come back into the building, especially when the majority are not wearing masks. It isn’t prudent.

When my friend posted about church, there was one man who declared “Faith over fear!” He chooses to go to church and worship as a Christian and the beauty of the whole thing is, we all get to make our own choices.

Well, I say...not so much.

If every member of the congregation wore masks, then yes...I would feel more comfortable about going to church. Your choice NOT to wear a mask makes my decision for me. And I’m not alone. There are many who simply cannot risk coming to church when masks aren’t being worn.

Someone spoke up and said, “Why churches? Why not Walmart?” Well, most churches aren’t as big and wide open as Walmart. And, you aren’t sitting/standing in one spot, shoulder to shoulder, with upwards of 400 people singing at the top of your lungs For an hour or more in a Walmart. The singing causes even more droplets of saliva to spray out from our mouths. If we are in close proximity for over an hour...the first 20 minutes of which are spent praising joyfully...we are guaranteed to share a whole lot of spit in the air around us. I’m not up for that.

During the influenza pandemic of 1918-1920, there were three phases of the outbreak. The initial outbreak was much like what we saw this spring. Most people were on board. They wore masks and socially distanced and washed hands. Then there was a waning of the virus. People were weary of staying inside and being told what to do. They didn’t want to wear masks anymore. They wanted to get outside and visit their friends and open their business back up. They wanted to go places and do things. Sound familiar?

What happened was exactly what we are seeing around us right now. They eased up. They went back out. They poo-pooed the whole thing. They called it a hoax. People blew it out of proportion, they said. You’re taking my rights, they shouted. We’re not going to take it anymore. And they didn’t. And 100 MILLION people died in the second phase.

They are asking you to wear a piece of cloth over your face. You can’t even do that for one hour so we can worship together? They aren’t asking you to give up a kidney or sacrifice your first born. It’s a mask. You use seatbelts. (Well, you should. If you don’t...that’s another issue.) You stop at stop signs. You don’t drive the wrong way on the interstate. You wear clothes when you go out. Are any of those “rules” asking you to sacrifice your civil liberties? You claim you have rights. You do...what but about me? I have rights, too. I have the right to go to church...just like you. Don’t take that right away from me because you cannot be bothered to wear a piece of cloth over your face for an hour.

We are sitting here watching history repeat itself...literally right in front of our eyes. Part of the price we pay for being human is to sacrifice some of our own comfort for the comfort of others. Are we so blind that we cannot see? Are we so selfish that we cannot care for our fellow man? What would Jesus do? He did not preach “every man for himself”.

So that’s my soapbox rant for the day.

Be kind.

Wear a mask.

It’s not forever, really...it just seems like it.

Be grateful it isn’t a ventilator.

❤️

(I tried to go back and find the FB page where I got this photo, but couldn’t find it.)

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:4 ESV

Day 92: Kindness Matters

Wed, 17 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

My heart has taken such a beating in the last few weeks. Covid, killings, riots, politics, strokes...hokey smokes, it’s been crazy. Then, I go on Facebook to see the kids’ pictures and the violence is escalating. I went through my feed yesterday like a woman with her hair on fire. I’ve always been one to try to see both sides. And I find myself failing at that. I find myself sassing back and that is not the person I want to be. It is not the person God intended for me to be. So I went through my feed and if it stirred anger in me, I blocked posts from that site. That way, it won’t show up on my feed anymore when one of my friends share it on theirs. There were a few that I have tolerated unkind and flat out mean behaviors from and I just gave up and hit “Snooze for 30 Days”. I can’t do it. I won’t do it.

Kindness matters. The kindest thing I could do...for them or myself...was to back away. Let them rant on their own pages. Maybe they’ll still be there after 30 days. Maybe they won’t. Maybe the 30 days will pass and I’ll find I didn’t miss that particular contact in my life. You know, just because you were friends fifty or sixty years ago in school doesn’t mean you grew up to have the same ideals, the same values, the same goals. I love my friends, don’t get me wrong. But there are sometimes very good reasons you didn’t stay in touch all those years beyond the lack of social media.

I’ve reconnected with people from my past that wouldn’t give me the time of day in high school. We ran in different circles. We lived under different economic circumstances. Maybe they were really shy and I just thought they were stuck up. For whatever reason, there are some that I have become extraordinarily close to. And, on the opposite end of the spectrum, there are those I truly loved and when I met them as adults, they weren’t the kind, loving people I thought they were. Life is hard. It wears us down. I don’t know what traumas went on in people’s lives between then and now. I just know when something isn’t healthy and, all sentimentality aside, I don’t need that in my life. No one does.

The number of friends I have on social media is not the metage of my worth. Granted, I wasn’t the most popular girl in school so when Facebook first came out, I was pretty jazzed to find myself with so many “friends”. But, as my late Aunt Peeps said, I was talking to my “pretend friends” much of the time. There are different categories of friends and some are really nothing more than acquaintances. It’s ok to thin the herd a little when it is hurting you.

If it were not for this blog, I would probably have backed away from Facebook years ago. But now I have skin in the game. Now I have a calling from God to share my stories and life experiences because somewhere out there, others are going through tough things too and it helps a lot to know you aren’t alone. That someone out there “gets you”. I share what God presses on my heart. Sometimes he’s quiet and all I have to talk about is baking bread or a story from these West Virginia hills of my youth. Other times, like now...he tells me to speak about kindness.

It is SO incredibly easy to see all this chaos and think the world is all bad and it just isn’t. The media isn’t falling all over themselves to show you all the kind things. They’re out there...the kind people. And, if you can’t find one...

then BE one.

❤️

“Whoever despises his neighbor is a sinner, but blessed is he who is generous to the poor.”
Proverbs 14:21 ESV

#Kindness, #Generosity, #Love

How To Stop Fighting Your Negative Thoughts And Feelings

Mon, 15 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

You might think that with a blog named Little Blog of Positivity I'd be telling you ways to stop your negative thoughts and feelings.

Never one for going with what's expected of me though, I'm not going to do that!

You might spend a lot of time beating yourself up over what you should and shouldn't be doing. What you should and shouldn't be thinking.

Maybe you go on a downward spiral of negative thoughts and feelings and then beat yourself up for that happening?

You feel angry at yourself. Why can't you simply stop this from happening? After all type 'how to stop negative thoughts' into Google and a whole host of articles and books telling you how pop up.

No wonder we feel like failures when we can't stop the negative thoughts.

Here's the thing. It's PERFECTLY NORMAL to have negative thoughts and feelings.

What you may not know is that human beings are wired this way. It's built into our make up to look for threats and things which can go wrong. It's what's kept us safe for millennia! I'll let you into a secret - YOU CAN'T STOP THEM!

A problem occurs when we believe our negative thoughts and think they are true. Struggling and fighting the negative thoughts and feelings doesn't help either. It just makes you feel worse.

There IS A Better Way Than Fighting Negative Thoughts And Feelings

Instead of being hard on yourself for having negative thoughts and feelings, there is an alternative.

How about if you could SIMPLY NOTICE them and let them go without judging them or yourself?

No mind on earth with any kind of intelligence could spend a lifetime enjoying only happy thoughts. The key is in accepting your thoughts, all of them, even the bad ones. Accept thoughts, but don't become them. - Matt Haig, Reasons To Stay Alive.

You might think this sounds easier said than done and yes, it does take a bit of practice, but there are a number of techniques you can try.

Here are my 3 favourite ones.

Leaves On A Stream

Sit somewhere quiet where you won't be disturbed.

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Bring your attention to your breathing for a couple of minutes.

Then turn your attention to the thoughts in your mind. Imagine you are sitting by a stream and there are a few leaves floating along it. Whenever a thought pops into your mind, place it on a leaf and watch it float off down the stream.

If you notice you've got caught up in a thought (or a chain of thoughts) then turn your attention back to the leaves, put each thought on a leaf and watch it float away.

You can also try this with clouds in the sky instead of leaves on a stream. I've found both work equally well!

Write Down And Then Challenge Your Negative Thoughts And Feelings

I find it particularly helpful to write in my journal when I'm caught in a negative spiral of thoughts and feelings. What I do is to write down how I feel and what thoughts are coming up for me.

Don't hold back at this stage, write it all out!

Then read back over what you've written. If it is mainly feelings you have written down, try and pinpoint what thoughts are coming up for you that are leading to those feelings.

Once you have your thoughts noted down, ask yourself what evidence you have that they are true. Oftentimes when you examine them, there will be very little evidence to support them! And yet we tend to believe our thoughts.

Even if the thought is true, or partly true, ask yourself how useful it is.

The next step is to reframe the thoughts. Try writing an alternative, more balanced thought down. Or if the thought feels true and is still bothering you, ask yourself whether things are within your control. And if so what actions you might be able to take.

Write it all down.

How do you feel now? Hopefully calmer and with a sense of increased clarity.

Trains Passing By

Another helpful exercise to get you into the habit of simply noticing your thoughts is to imagine them as trains passing through a station.

Again, it's a good idea to sit somewhere quiet to try this exercise.

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.

Then imagine you are on a station platform and trains are passing by. As you notice a thought arise, imagine the thought getting onto a train which has pulled into the station. Then watch as the train pulls away taking your thought with it.

You may notice that you've got on the train with the thought and have been carried off down the track. This might happen often. As soon as you notice, don't beat yourself up but jump off the train (it's alright it's imaginary so you won't get hurt!)

Return back to the station platform and carry on watching the trains.

How Do You Feel Now?

I hope that you've found these ideas and suggested exercises inspiring.

The next time an attack of negativity hits you, instead of beating yourself up I hope that you will remember reading this post and try out one of the exercises. We'd love to hear how you get on.

Author Bio

Alison is the founder of The Little Blog Of Positivity where she shares all she has learned on the topics of personal growth, self improvement, health and well-being.

For regular doses of inspiration and motivation, visit Alison at littleblogofpositivity.comYou can also connect with Alison on Twitter, Pinterest and Facebook

Day 89: Way to Go! Pulling off a Great Birthday!

Sun, 14 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

My mom always said, “Mind over matter!” She was right, of course. I could have headed into my birthday without expectation. My post yesterday morning looked like that’s where I was heading. And, somewhere between there and here, I heard my mom’s voice telling me “Mind over matter” and I pulled myself up by the bootstraps. First, I made sure I slept really well Friday night. I didn’t eat spicy food and I didn’t eat late. I took it easy on caffeine in the afternoon. And I practiced good sleep hygiene before bed, ie no TV, no news, soft music, and we slept in the camper. It was cool overnight so it was the best sleeping weather.

I woke up completely refreshed and the sun was shining and we were knee deep in June! The green is so green it almost hurts your eyes. We had a nice, healthy breakfast of oats and fresh fruit and coffee and loaded up the tractor on the trailer. We hauled it over to the farm and knocked out the mowing in record time. We hit the road and stopped at the pizza place for sandwiches. After having a picnic by the river, we headed on home.

All my people either called, FaceTimed, or texted me for my birthday. I got lots of pictures of Grandma’s flowers out at the farm. I had a Magnum Chocolate Caramel Ice Cream Bar as my “birthday cake”. Life is GOOD!

You know, bad stuff happens to everyone. We cannot always be sitting on top of the world. Sometimes we find ourselves in the valley. That’s normal...even though it sucks. And...like I said yesterday...it’s perfectly OK to NOT be OK sometimes. If you find yourself struggling often and you feel like you are floundering, it is ok to talk to a Mental Health professional. There is nothing wrong with that. I’ve had a lot of therapy in my life so I have a lot of tools in my toolbox to handle most situations. In this case, I just had to have a really good night’s sleep and tons of contact with people who love and support me...including all of you.

Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement and the Happy Birthday Greetings! You really helped me pull myself up by the bootstraps and get moving and the day turned out to be grand!

Here’s to showing 67 how it’s done!

❤️

“For by me your days will be multiplied, and years will be added to your life.”
Proverbs 9:11 ESV

Day 82: Mr. FixIt and His Cat

Sun, 07 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Pumpkin the kitty isn’t a kitten anymore, but she is still small...and feisty. She has never been a real snuggle bunny, although she will let you hold her till she decides it’s time to bite. Then you put her down in a hurry. Sometimes she stalks your feet and pounces as you walk by, giving you a solid chomp on the shin. Sometimes you don’t like her much, but most of the time she is tolerable and some of the time she is just too darned cute for words.

I’ve never been a huge “cat person”. I’m doing my best here with this one....but I must say, it’s for my husband’s benefit. He loves having an animal around. Pumpkin is Mr. FixIt’s cat and she follows him everywhere. When he drives to town to pick up his lottery tickets, she happily hops in the truck with him to go for a ride. Wherever he is, Pumpkin isn’t far away. She’s kinda like a dog in that way.

I was sitting in my recliner the other morning having coffee when Mr. FixIt headed out to the building to do some cleaning and organizing. I caught this picture of Pumpkin tagging along behind him as he headed out to work. The new tractor is still in the shop and when it comes back, it needs a good parking spot. We filled the old spot with tools brought home from a worksite, so we had to find more room.

We loaded up the truck to take some things to a family member and delivered it yesterday. It’s amazing what people find valuable and refuse to part with. Coming from a place where I have already gone through the downsizing project, it’s pretty hard to not just order a dumpster and toss stuff. I figure if we can clean out ten square feet at a time, we will make some serious headway before the snow falls. Fingers crossed.

I was working on a project the other day and needed something. I thought we would need to make yet another trip into town, but before we did, I asked if it was possible we had the item in the building. Mr. FixIt went right out and returned with exactly what I needed. Not only that, it was a brand new one! It’s like living with your own personal Home Depot out back! The only problem is...we need the night crew to do an inventory and get everything organized. Now, if we only HAD a night crew!

As much as I fuss about the lack of organization around here, I’m still happier than I’ve been in a very long time. So, maybe someday this will all be left to me and I’ll have to handle it. So what? I’d much rather enjoy my time with Mr. FixIt now rather than rag at him all the time to get the place cleaned up. There’s always time for cleaning up down the road. There may not be as much time for hugs and laughter. That’s the important stuff.

❤️

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
1 Peter 4:8 NIV

Day 81: In the Midst of Darkness, There is Light

Fri, 05 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

“Look for the helpers.”
- Mr. Rogers’ mother

Our day was busy from beginning to end yesterday. We had an appointment in town early, then we drove out to the farm. I thought my sandals were out there under the bed but no such luck. I think they’re still packed away with my camping stuff. I’ll have to look in the building. We stopped at a roadside stand and picked up a few more tomato plants that we’ll put in today. We went to the open air produce market in town and picked up a few things...fresh strawberries just picked from over in Ohio, a wonderful cantaloupe, some fresh corn on the cob. Then PT and home.

After supper, I made some homemade shortcakes and served them with the strawberries over top. No whipped cream...we are trying to cut down on the fats. They were still warm from the oven when I served them with the slightly sweetened and sliced berries and it was divine!

We sat down to watch the news. I told myself to look for the light...find the helpers. And there they were. People cleaning up. People loving on each other and supporting each other during the memorial for George Floyd. Police and protesters walking together, taking a knee together, crying together. Change is coming...but so is healing. It’s going to take some time but there are young people out there who are picking up the baton now. People who are willing and able to stand up for justice and to orchestrate true change. I hope to see it in my lifetime.

While we were at the farm, I did what I always do. I walked around and took pictures of the flowers that are in bloom. One of the most beautiful was a large Mock Orange on the hillside along the driveway. Some of Grandma’s most treasured flowers can be found within view of her kitchen window. I often wondered why all the cutting and slips and transplants went in one general area. Now I understand. She spent a lot of time in that kitchen. Her farm was the Taj Mahal to her. Planting flowers on the hillside outside her kitchen window was her equivalent to painting a still life. They gave her great joy and peace...just like they give me.

The Mock Orange is huge and absolutely covered with white blossoms. The air is redolent with their heady sweetness. The bees love it. There is a man a half mile down the road that has at least thirty hives. I am thrilled to see honey bees, especially when we hear so much about them dying off. The front yard at the farm is thick with white clover. When I mow, I watch for the bees and wait till they fly away rather than run over them. Each one is a precious gift!

Finding light in these dark times is often like those 3-D optical illusion puzzles that you have to stare at till your eyes focus differently and an image pops out at you. You can be blinded by the shock of it all...and well you should be when it’s happening. But there comes a point in the fracas that you can shift your focus a little and that’s when you see the light.

I’ve read so many stories and posts and comments the last week...some on my own personal Facebook page. Some have commented...there’s more than just the one issue going on. It’s more than just the one person who was killed. What about this or that? It reminded me of the parable Jesus told in Luke 15. There were a hundred sheep being tended in a flock when one went missing. The shepherd left the ninety-nine alone to go find the one. Someone looking on might think he was crazy or reckless. “Here, here...what about these ninety-nine? Don’t they count???”

Of course they do, but they weren’t the ones in trouble.

It was the one.

That’s why we are helping the one in trouble right now.

It’s what Jesus does.

❤️

“Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?

and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.”
Luke 15:3-4, 6-7 NIV

Day 79: Taking a Look in the Mirror

Wed, 03 Jun 2020 01:30:00 -0600

When I was growing up in the mid to late ‘50s, the Civil Rights Movement was gaining speed. One of my first friends in grade school was a little black girl named Lisa. Lisa went on to become a pastor and actually performed our marriage ceremony out in our field when Mr. FixIt and I got married.

My aunt that recently passed away was a Head Start teacher in Washington, DC in the ‘50s. She showed me photographs that had the words “Colored” and “Whites” over the drinking fountains in the school where she taught. I couldn’t understand what they were talking about. My grandma sat me down and told me under no uncertain terms was I to EVER treat anyone differently because of the color of their skin. Therefore...all these many years...I’ve thought I was not racist.

One of the many things I learned from therapy was how to take a good hard look at myself and own/change my less-than-stellar character traits. Back in the mid to late ‘70s I was a single mom. I went out to a bar one night with some friends and a handsome black man showed interest in me and I demurred. I had a young daughter at home, and I was not nearly as enlightened as I thought I was. And I felt ashamed by that. Would I have had a problem with one of my daughters marrying a person of color? Not at all. But back when this happened, I was a young woman...still wet behind the ears...and frankly afraid.

I’ve said things like “All Lives Matter” and “I’m colorblind”. But now? I will forever hear “I can’t breathe” in my mind...echoing over and over. We watched a lynching on video. How can I not be changed by that? I want to be MORE than “not racist”. I want to be “anti-racist”. And to do that, I have to educate myself to the real everyday existence of people of color. I can’t turn a blind eye and not say anything. I have to wake up and learn and do whatever is in my power to make the changes that need to come to fulfill what the Bible tells us to do.

The Golden Rule has to be the base upon which all reparations are made to those who have been disenfranchised because of the amount of melanin that is in their skin. It’s only right.

I cannot condone violence and looting and killings. But I will support peaceful protests and I vow to educate myself to their plight.

I found this article to be a good starting point.

❤️

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”
Matthew 7:12 NIV

Day 68: Call Lowe’s...I’m Building an Ark!

Sat, 23 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Hokey Smokes! It has rained 20 inches so far this year in our neck of the woods. We waited all day yesterday to get enough warm sunshine to dry out the yard so we could mow one more time before my step-son comes to get his riding mower today. Mr. FixIt had physical therapy and we needed to find a couple things for the old tractor to work on it today. By the time we got back home, the skies opened up again and we were back to square one.

Hopefully today is a nice day and we can mow and be good for another week, at least. I mean...on the one hand, when it rains you don’t have to mow. But, on the other...the grass grows like crazy with all that wonderful moisture. It’s a Catch-22. We also need to take the push mower out to the farm and mow out there. And this time, Mr. FixIt can’t help. I’m definitely going to get back in shape with all this exercise!

I hate that I’m not spending as much time in the kitchen as I was. It’s so soothing to me to create good things that nourish my family...and our wounded spirits. We have nowhere to go this weekend...our people are coming to us to help with mowing and welding and fixing things that need fixing. I can spend some time in the kitchen and bake them some treats to take home. That will soothe my heart and bring me peace.

I’ve been thinking about my Aunt Peeps a lot this week. While she was a sophisticated woman with impeccable taste in fashion, she was a country girl at heart. She once told me, her main goal in life was to get a teaching degree and use it to make enough money to buy a farm in West Virginia. I don’t recall seeing her can and preserve food, but she was quite the cook. She didn’t quilt or sew, but she could work sunup to sundown with any man and give him a run for his money. She was an enigma. Tight as a drum with money, yet incredibly generous when she saw you were trying to improve yourself through education. She was your cheerleader if you were a hard worker. She deeply appreciated a good work ethic and had no patience for someone who she felt was lazy or “working the system.”

She and I didn’t always see eye to eye about things, and I talked WAY too much for her tastes, but...we had one thing in common and that was the love we felt for Grandma’s farm. She was born in Pekin, Illinois along with two of her siblings. Grandma and Pop-Pop were living there during the Depression where work was to be found. When they finally came back home, there were already four children. Two were born after they moved back to West Virginia. The Farm was where they grew up. It’s where I grew up, too.

My Uncle Bud came home to the farm last weekend to pick up some things that belonged to Aunt Peeps. He needed to find a picture of her for her obituary. I didn’t get to see him because that was the day Mr. FixIt came home from the hospital. I spoke with him this week and he was so pleased with how well we are caring for the family home. He said he was worried it would begin falling apart without someone living there full time, but I told him we go there often enough to breath life into the old place.

There are some things that are failing...like the big barn and the old tool shed. They are starting to lean and there’s termite damage. But overall, the place looks great for being nearly a hundred years old. I still yearn to go there often to just rock on the front porch and listen to the birds and the wind in the trees. Everything is aging...the old home place, the tractor, the Ponderosa...and us.

These are the things that went through my mind as I sat pretending to read while I watched my sweet husband having physical therapy. We’ve known each other since we were kids. But we’ve only been together a little over three years. We’ve both changed a lot in those three years. This marriage isn’t like the marriage of my youth...where time stretched before us like an endless summer vacation. This is the marriage where we get to wrap each other up in warm, comfy love and ride the long wave home. There’s no fooling ourselves. Oh, we aren’t at death’s door....but it is Autumn now. And, there is much comfort knowing I’ll be going through this with my best friend at my side.

❤️

“In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”
Acts 20:35 ESV

Day 66: Every Day is Groundhog Day

Thu, 21 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Did you see that movie...Groundhog Day? I don’t think I ever did, but I know the premise. Each day repeats itself over and over and over. Sound familiar? There is nothing good about having a stroke. Nothing. But...it has added a new dimension of things to do in a day. Some things you never thought about doing. Others are just added tasks and stops and appointments.

Yesterday, we were coming back home from town. Mr. FixIt had his first Physical Therapy appointment and it went well. We ran some errands in town and as we got to the turnoff for our road, he reminded me to check the mail. I insisted we already did that on our way into town. He insisted we hadn’t. He was right. I was remembering the day before.

Each day runs into the next and starts over again. We need a vacation from what seems like an interminable working vacation. Lots of things have changed. By this time of year, we usually have two beach trips under our belts and planning the third. Not this year. Something kept us home in the winter. If we hadn’t been nudged to stay home, we would have been in Florida when Mr. FixIt had his first stroke. Then covid hit and we’ve been stuck. Now...stroke #2.

I know going to the beach would do my sweetheart a world of good, but right now we need to figure out what’s causing these strokes so we can nip it in the bud and get on with our fun plans. In the meantime, I have another batch of sourdough bread rising. I’m preparing a batch of yoghurt. And I have blueberries to attend to. Maybe another pie?

I’m looking at this as another opportunity to depend on God for my needs. All this fun stuff in the kitchen hones my skills, brings good and bountiful food to our larder, and feeds my country heart. It forces me to take a breath, remember what’s important, stop stressing over things in which I have no control. When I reach into the bowl to knead dough wrought from my hands, I say a simple, “Hello, Jesus...let’s spend some time together today while we work this bread.”

When I get close and personal with Jesus, He reminds me to be patient with my sweetheart. Yes, this affects me...but it’s HIS body that isn’t acting like it’s supposed to and that has to be scary. Jesus reminds me I’m not in control here. He tells me not to worry...He has this under control. He encourages me to lean into Him when I’m frightened and He’ll carry me through it all. Just knead this dough right now. This is all you need to concern yourself with in this moment.

This one moment.

There will always be...something. Something that dares to steal your focus. That threatens to take what’s yours. That shakes you to your core and turns your world upside down. When it’s happening to you, it’s easy to think you’re the only one in the world feeling this. But there are countless others feeling these feelings right now. ESPECIALLY now. The thing I have learned from all of these experiences is this...you can steal everything I have. But, you cannot take my joy...my love...and my faith.

These things are forever mine...a gift from a gracious Father.

❤️

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”
James 1:17 ESV

Day 64: What a Wonderful World

Tue, 19 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Yeah...that’s not something you’re liable to hear or feel these days, is it? There’s a lot to take in. Lots going on...outside and inside. Add “your husband’s had another stroke” to an already formidable situation and it’s enough to break you. I’ve vacillated the last 48 hours between numbness and fear to acceptance and peace. Back and forth. Back and forth. It’s like that game we played when we were kids. What was it called? Crack the Whip! The kid on the end usually got creamed. That was me.

Yesterday kept me busy...one of the granddaughters came over and helped me mow. It was wonderful to not have to do it all myself. Mr. FixIt was really good and didn’t over exert himself which was a great relief. He started using one of our hiking sticks to keep his balance when he walks over uneven ground and that helped a lot. I mean...a hiking stick is cool, right? We went to the Tractor Store and got parts for the old tractor. And, we watched the finale of The Voice.

Thunderstorm Artis...an up and coming musician in the Final Five, finished the night singing “What a Wonderful World”. I love that song. I needed to hear that tangible reminder of the beauty this world can still deliver on a daily basis. I have been practicing centering myself. One of my readers keeps reminding me of the number one. We can all do just ONE thing. ONE breath. ONE moment. ONE day. By the end of the evening, I was feeling much less overwhelmed by it all.

We have no control beyond this one moment in time. I can talk, make phone calls, write letters, and vote. But I have no control over who carries an AR-15 into a courthouse or who else wears a mask or when a stroke will happen. What I do have control over is how I respond.

Mr. FixIt came into the room last night as I was writing and I had the window wide open. I also had the air conditioner going. I didn’t think about it. I just wanted the window open. In his best dad voice, he said, “Why do you have the window open with the air conditioner running?”

My reactionary response wasn’t pretty. It was just one more thing I didn’t have control over and it pushed me over the edge for a minute. Then I remembered...ONE.

I can close the window for ONE hour till the evening cools down.

I can sit there for ONE minute and think about how different today could have easily been.

One of the worst things people can say to the newly bereaved is “at least.....”. “At least he’s in a better place.” “At least she isn’t suffering anymore.” “At least you can have more children.” But, here’s the thing...it’s one of the worst things you can tell yourself, too. Because it’s so dismissive.

“At least we don’t have it as bad as some people.”

That minimizes your pain and hampers your processing. It’s self-shaming for having feelings.

I hate like HELL that my sweetheart, who I just found like...five minutes ago...had another stroke. I hate that he’s having to go through this

I hate that we can’t feel free to do what we want.

I KNOW we don’t have it as bad as some people. But we have THIS. And this ONE minute, I’m sitting with it.

It’s ok to feel your feelings.

Today is a new day. Today we pick things up and we are strong together and we are confident in our love. We have faith in a God that uses all things to prosper us. I will rest and trust in that promise.

And...I’ll wait to open the windows wide till AFTER he goes to sleep. However, I WILL make sure the air conditioner isn’t running.

This really is a wonderful world.

❤️

“What a wildly wonderful world, GOD! You made it all, with Wisdom at your side, made earth overflow with your wonderful creations.....”
Psalm 104:24 MSG

#Wonderful, #World, #Gratitude

Day 63: (Are We Still Counting These???)

Mon, 18 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

It seems like every little event needs counting now. Days since the lockdown began. Days since Mr. FixIt’s first stroke. Days since the second...which is actually the third since he was unaware of the first one. Thankfully, he came home from the hospital yesterday at 11:00. I can already tell this time it’s going to be more of a challenge getting him to slow down and take care of himself. I’m just as stubborn as he is though...I will prevail!

The world seems so different now...different expectations...different realities. We are still practicing social distancing and will continue to do so. We wear masks wherever we go except in the car, at home, and at the farm. I keep the masks in the car and the heat from this sun is surely enough to kill any virus that they may have picked up. I was really glad to get Mr. FixIt out of that hospital. He had a private room...which I assume is the standard now whenever possible. Still, I didn’t like having him in there, for many reasons.

We did have a socially distanced visit with some of the family yesterday and that did us all a world of good. They needed to see my sweetheart and know that he is doing well. Our youngest little great grandson smiled and talked to me like he’d seen me yesterday and it was all I could do not to scoop him up in my arms and kiss those sweet cheeks! I miss all my babies...big and little.

My kitchen forays were interrupted over the weekend, but I am pleased to say the Blackberry Jam DID set up a little more. It’s not really jelled...but it is spreadable and I had some on toast yesterday morning. I think it didn’t set normally because it is low sugar. As my grandma said...it’ll be ‘et!

There are more adventures in the kitchen coming up soon. I am going to make some sauerkraut, bagels, and some homemade vanilla this week. Stay tuned for more culinary delights right here on Marshmallow Ranch! You know...in between doctor’s visits and mowing and stuff.

❤️

“Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. And as I gave you the green plants, I give you everything.”
Genesis 9:3 ESV

#Cooking, #Family, #Gratitude

Day 59: Cranking It Up a Notch

Thu, 14 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

This feels good...this level of busy. It’s not the kind of busy that you do to avoid dealing with something like grief. I’ve done that kind of busy. This is goal oriented, let’s-get-something-done-around-here busy. My poor husband. We’ve spent the better part of the last three months sitting in our recliners binge-watching the entire seven years of West Wing. We finished it on Monday. I swear, we looked at each other with a hint of sadness and said, “Now what?” Poor guy didn’t know what hit him...out came “the list”.

We have projects that need doing. And invariably, we just get into one when something else pops up and steals our attention. A couple of weeks ago, Mr. FixIt ran over something out in the field and it lodged in the mower deck. He had to stop and move the blades to get it out. It turned out to be a piece of metal. He showed it to me later and we finally figured out it was a piece of the mower itself.

We got down under the mower and found the sway bar that holds the mower deck steady was dangling down. That’s not good. He went inside and looked up the part and ordered a new one. It arrived Monday...without the bolts to attach it. So, he went back out and got underneath there to find out what kind of bolts he needed and how to attach it. That’s when he discovered the frame is broken completely through on one side. That REALLY isn’t good.

My very patient husband sat on hold with the Husqvarna service department for forty-five minutes yesterday before he gave up. We had to get out to the farm and mow. (Grandma’s rhododendron is starting to bloom!) While we took turns mowing, he called a local dealer and explained what happened and they said to just bring it in. It’s still under warranty, thank goodness. Now we have to get a crack on the mower deck of our old riding mower welded so we can get out there and mow here at the Ponderosa. Time’s a wastin’ and the grass is growing...fast!

While the Mister was figuring out the tractor, I made a half gallon or so of soy milk and turned it into tofu. I wanted to do a practice run before I document it here. We’ll have it for supper tonight. I need to really make this taste great...because my husband has had it before and didn’t like it. I’m hoping it was just the preparation he didn’t like. And, he’s never had homemade tofu. It tastes totally different than the store bought variety.

This kind of busy is good. It’s the kind that leaves you with tired muscles and sense of accomplishment. It’s honest to goodness work and there’s not a thing wrong with that.

❤️

“For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.”
2 Thessalonians 3:10 ESV

Day 58: Staying Afloat

Wed, 13 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

One of the biggest challenges the coronavirus has presented me is keeping my mouth shut when I read things that are diametrically opposite to my own beliefs. Opinions, theories, assumptions, disinformation, half-truths, and flat out lies occupy the space where my friends and I have met to visit every day since 2009. It’s like throwing a lovely garden party and your crazy uncle drops in. You want to be nice, but he’s ruining your fun. How do you make him leave without hurting his feelings?

I’ve been really busy on my social media pages. I’ve discovered the joys of the drop down menu up there on the right hand corner of every post. I give consideration to the post. I check the reference source. I balance it against my beliefs. I consider who posted it. Then I make a choice.

Engage.
Scroll by.
Hide post.
Report post.
Snooze the person posting for 30 days.
Unfollow.
Unfriend.

There have been very few that I have unfriended right away, but a couple have managed to win that trophy immediately. I just want my fun space back. I want to talk with my peeps.

I saw this meme on a friend’s page yesterday and it struck me how true it is. We don’t have control over anything outside ourselves. All we can do is control our response. I have to remind myself of this when I do something so ill-advised as try to hold a sincere conversation with someone whose agenda is to stir up trouble. I know better...I just get tired. We’re all getting tired. I just have to remind myself to walk away from the computer more often.

I’ve started leaving my phone in another room for much of the day. I check early to see if my post link works and respond to you all. I check my email, the weather, the news. I answer texts. I read my devotionals. Then I get up and keep busy and work on projects. After lunch, I check in again before I spend my afternoon reading or working on something quietly...preferably out in the camper. Watch the news. Fix supper. Spend some time with Mr. FixIt. Then I write my post. Distancing from my electronic devices isn’t easy for me. I love them. But they don’t always serve me well. This meme is a good reminder.

I pulled out my soymilk maker yesterday and cleaned it up. The user manual is long gone, but through the wonders of the internet, I found it online. I soaked soybeans overnight so this morning I’ll make some soymilk. If I have enough, I’ll make a batch of tofu. If not, I’ll flavor it with a little vanilla and sweetener and have some delicious soymilk for cereal and drinking. It’s been a very long time since I’ve made tofu. It will take a while to work the kinks out and remember how it’s done.

Today is mow-at-the-farm day. I can’t wait...the rhododendron should be blooming soon!

❤️

“To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Romans 12:20-21 ESV

Day 56: My Mate...My Mirror

Mon, 11 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Several weeks ago, I asked a question on my personal Facebook page: “Shouldn’t married couples quarantine separately? (Asking for a friend)” I got a lot of responses. Many laughed and knew the tongue-in-cheek nature of the question. Some professed their undying love for their husbands and how fabulous it’s been being with them 24/7. I’m not sure they realized they might have to do this ad infinitum. I haven’t checked back in with them to see how they’re doing...for two reasons. If they are still all googly-eyed and swooning over every moment of his presence, either my friends are big fat liars...or I’m a total failure at this shelter-in-place thing.

Cause...I gotta tell ya...I’m not the easiest person to be around these days. I’m crotchety. Testy. And sometimes, flat out mean. I don’t mean to be. I’ve got the sweetest husband on the planet. And, I have to be getting on his nerves, too. We came into this relationship retired, independent, with grown kids. We were used to doing our own thing. The whirlwind of romance and travel and marriage was balanced with time spent pursuing our own interests. Take that all away and you have two people who adore each other who are “sheltering-in-place” with nowhere to go. No dates. No trips to the beach. No entertaining the family. Just...us.

He’s a noisy sleeper. I have to be right all the time. He watches too much TV. I can’t keep a kitchen clean to save my life. He says “ambulance” wrong. I have too many Amazon packages arriving.

24/7/56 and counting.

Just to be clear...there’s not a soul on the planet that I would rather be holed up with than this guy. Still...I miss camping with my girlfriends. I’m afraid I won’t get to go to Colorado this summer to see my family. I miss gathering for coffee with my high school classmates. I miss the two nights a week that Mr. FixIt bowled with his buddies and I got to stay home and read and take bubble baths. He would never say a word, but I’m sure he misses his lazy errand days where he went from store to store and chatted with all the people he was sure to run into that he knows. And, I’m pretty darned sure he misses the wife that didn’t nag all the time.

I think cabin fever has truly set in and we’re both getting a little frustrated by the restrictions. Everyone is. And that isn’t really bringing out the best in us. How do we maintain close personal relationships when “close” is all we got? Well, the first thing to remember is...just because we are sharing the same space doesn’t mean we are sharing intimacy. I’m not talking the making whoopie kind, although that’s great ( ! ! ! ). I’m talking about something they mentioned on CBS Sunday Morning yesterday. Skin hunger.

We crave and thrive on physical touch. Without it, an important part of our daily needs is not being met. I went through this with my divorces and with the loss of Mr. Virgo. As a matter of fact, I had my physician prescribe a weekly massage for me when I was newly divorced so I could have at least some semblance of human touch. When I became a widow, there were people everywhere to give me hugs. Not so much for most people riding out this pandemic alone. And they can’t even go get a massage right now.

We are missing the strangers in our lives. The people we smiled at when we walked into a crowded restaurant. We miss the new people we meet and shake hands with. We miss the casual hand on the arm or the brush-by in a crowd. Now we look at others as threats...possible carriers of a deadly disease. It’s causing us to grieve that loss. And, if we are already grieving a loss and we are alone...it’s compounding that grief.

Good communication and physical contact goes a long way in getting you through the tough times in any relationship. This is even more important during a high stress event like we are currently experiencing. I know things will get better. The world will open up and we’ll be able to do things again...differently, perhaps. There WILL be a time when we can have some space from those we’ve been sheltering with...and some connection with others that we miss. When I absolutely need to, I take my laundry out to the farm and stay a day or two. Yesterday, I took a new cookbook I recently purchased and went out to the camper to read for a couple of hours while Mr. FixIt puttered around in the yard.

I don’t like being not so nice. Like every situation...there is a beginning and an end. I can focus on making that space between the two a period of transition. Introspection. Personal growth. Temperance. A time to get a little closer to God and ask His help...maybe ask Him to put His hand over my mouth when I’m feeling testy.

This too shall pass.

❤️

“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.”
Proverbs 25:28 ESV

Day 55: A Different Kind of Mother’s Day!

Sun, 10 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

As I sat at my keyboard last night, I looked for pictures of my mom and thought of all the Mother’s Days we had together. Really...very few. Once I left home to seek my fortunes, I am not sure we ever got to see each other on Mother’s Day. I always came home in the summer months when the kids were off of school. But I always called her and sent her a card and flowers.

I keep my pictures of Mom in an album on my iPad marked “”Family”. That way, when I get lonesome for them, they’re all in one place. I thought of all the sad and sentimental things I could say about my mom and how much I miss her. But, the truth is...even though I miss her desperately right now...I would NEVER want her to have had to experience what’s going on in the world. All the anger and divisiveness and ugliness would have upset her greatly. She had such a tender heart. And this virus would have worried her to death. I am much more peaceful knowing she is with her family and with Jesus.

My eyes scanned the photos and lingered on my own children...from when they were littles to when they had littles of their own. These girls made me a mom. I wasn’t always very good at it. I made huge mistakes and it broke my heart that I let them down. So many years were lost to depression when I just couldn’t seem to connect with them as they needed. I’ve spent much of the last twenty years trying to fix that. Trying to be a better mom. Trying to create new and better memories.

Since I moved back to my home state, I have returned to Colorado every summer to see the girls and spend time with my grandchildren. Then, the pandemic hit and I am not at all sure I’ll get to go back this year. There was a time when I would have focused on that loss and that’s all I’d see. Things are different now. Now I see where God is taking this situation and turning it for good.

My girls and I have communicated more since the Stay at Home orders came out than we ever have. There are lots of phone calls and texts, sharing pictures, video chats. When I watch their Facebook feeds, I see them reaching back for THEIR comforting touchstones and I see myself there. In the raised bed gardens. In the baking and making and growing. In the phone calls asking for advice. It has warmed my heart.

In the last two months, during this lockdown, I have finally realized...I made a difference in my kids’ lives. The things I taught them, stuck with them. And now, they are using those gifts I gave them to comfort themselves and their families. This means more to me than any trinket they could give me. It doesn’t get much better than this.

Mr. FixIt told me last night he didn’t get me anything for Mother’s Day because shopping isn’t the same. And I told him not to buy me flowers. I smiled and said, “I have everything I need for Mother’s Day. I have a great big blended family that gives me great joy.” Besides, I’d rather have kitchen stuff than flowers that wither and die.

I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day. And if you are actively grieving, I hope you find some moments of peace and comfort with your memories of your loved one.

❤️

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.””
Proverbs 31:25-29 ESV

#MothersDay, #Children, #Holiday

Day 54: Up to My Elbows in Flour

Sat, 09 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I know I’m not the only one baking up a storm. You can’t find yeast. Flour is in short supply. There really is something to that theory of reaching back for comforting smells and tastes when you are going through troubling times. And there are not many aromas more comforting than bread baking in the oven.

As I’ve told you in the last couple of weeks, I have never explored the wonders of sourdough so I felt it was high time to try my hand at it. Bread has been around longer than metal. Our earliest ancestors baked flatbread from the grains they gathered and ground between stones. Egyptians recorded the use of leavening in both beer and bread. Wild yeasts have been used since before the written word.

Sourdough starter is created using nothing more than flour and water. Wild yeasts are all around us, but specifically they are on the wheat berries themselves. When they are ground, the yeast spores ride along in the flour. Mixing the flour with water gives the yeast food to grow on. The acids produced by the fermentation process are what gives the bread its distinctive sour taste.

Making sourdough bread is a true labor of love. You nurture the starter, feeding and babying it every day with just the right amounts of nutrients. I actually bought a kitchen scale...something I thought I would never in this lifetime need. Now I can’t imagine not having one. I use it for everything. Every morning, you stir up your starter and discard all but four ounces. Then you add four ounces of lukewarm water and four ounces of unbleached white flour or whole wheat or pumpernickel...depends on your recipe. Stir it well. I place a sandwich bag over the jar and poke a few holes in it so it can breathe. Then, you do it all over again...every morning. It really is becoming second nature.

I mixed up the beginnings of the bread on Thursday night, covered it with plastic wrap, and placed it in the fridge overnight. Then I took it out yesterday morning and started playing with it. It was a good ten hours before I had two hot, crusty loaves fresh from the oven. We could hardly wait to cut into it and slather on some butter. It wasn’t as sour as I expected it to be. I still need to work on this, but I was really pleased with my first batch.

In the meantime, I mixed up a batch of yoghurt and set it up to culture overnight. Today I need to make a blackberry pie with the berries I picked up this week. We are having a cold front this weekend, so puttering in the kitchen is just what the doctor ordered. It’s the perfect escape and it fulfills my basic need to nurture and feed those I love. While things begin to open up around us, we continue to stick close to home. We are healthy and happy here.

We’ve been camping all week out in the field here at the Ponderosa, but I conceded defeat last night. I agreed to sleep inside since it was supposed to be down as low as the 20’s by daybreak. Probably tonight, too. It will soon warm up again and later in the week we can get back out there in TOW-Wanda and camp.

If you are interested, here is an excellent recipe for sourdough bread. There is a link at the bottom for a recipe to make homemade sourdough starter.

❤️

“Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do.”
Ecclesiastes 9:7 ESV

Day 53: It’s Feel Good Friday...Time to Graduate!

Fri, 08 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Yes, it’s Friday again. Whether you feel like it’s only been a couple of days since last Friday, or this week has been 53 days long...it’s that time of the week where we look on the bright side if we can. Hopefully there has been at least one good and positive thing happen to you this week.

For me, it was video-chatting with family, getting my hands in flour in the kitchen, having one near-normal day where I ran errands, and last night my bonus son-in-law brought his youngest out to the Ponderosa to hit softballs while Grandpa and I watched from the sidelines. Oh, and I have a batch of sourdough in the fridge that’s been rising slowly overnight so I’m going to try my hand at baking bread today.

As I watched our granddaughter hitting softballs way out into the field last night, I thought of her older sister. We were all supposed to go to WVU next weekend to see her graduate. There are kids all over the country in the same boat. Their hopes and dreams of a fun-filled last few months of their senior years were dashed by the pandemic. No proms. No big graduation. No after-graduation parties. No hugs from all the proud family members. Not much is the same these days and there is a lot of disappointment all around.

There is ONE thing we can do for our graduates. We can still give them bits of sage advice to help them along life’s pathway. Something to enlighten, encourage, inspire them as they take this next step in an uncertain world...an uncertain time.

What is your best piece of advice to someone who was supposed to graduate this week? Let’s send them off with some profound bits of knowledge and encouragement, shall we?

❤️

“May he grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans!”
Psalm 20:4 ESV

Day 51: Saying Goodbye to Beni

Wed, 06 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I’ve had to say goodbye to several fur babies and each one hurts more than you can imagine. The first time I ever had to put a dog down, it wasn’t even mine. It was my late father-in-law’s. He just didn’t have the heart to do it. He asked if I would. I don’t know why, but I’m the one that always had to take the “kids” for their last ride. Women are stronger in this, maybe. Maybe it’s because I was mostly raised on a farm that I got elected. For whatever reason, and as hard as it was, it was always an honor to be with a beloved companion in their last moments and let them see and hear someone they loved and trusted. It is the final gift you can give them.

The other day, my friend Deneene had to say goodbye to her beloved Beni. It carried the usual pain of losing a companion animal, but it had an added layer of pain. Beni was the last of the pack that was left from the animals she shared with her late husband. Losing this dog meant losing another important connection to Mike. It compounds the grief.

Losing a loved one is like dropping a big stone in a still pond. That first contact between the rock and the water causes the biggest wave. Then the ripples begin to slowly spread out and touch more and more of the space between the event and the shore. Since there is no timetable for grief, many years can go by and you still encounter a wave that originated from the center.

Beni was a good dog. He rarely barked but when he did, it was more like saying hello than it was a warning. He was gentle and sweet and other animals seemed to know he was a good boy. He had a rocky start. Deneene’s daughter found him abandoned inside a crate. He surely would have starved to death if she hadn’t found him and took him in. His leg was severely injured and he always walked with a bit of a limp. But, dogs are the only animal that love you more than they do themselves and he never knew an enemy once he knew the love of his girl.

Cas brought Beni to visit Deneene. They had a strong bond. Deneene often called and asked her to bring Beni over for a visit...or maybe let him spend the weekend. Before long, Beni just ended up staying with Deneene and that was it. They were attached at the hip. A little over a year ago, Deneene knew Beni didn’t have too much longer with them, so she brought another dog home. She has never been without a companion animal and she wasn’t about to this time, either.

Griffen the Grey joined their pack. A solid little French Bulldog puppy that everyone fell in love with. He was Beni’s annoying little brother who made him get up and move around more than he really wanted to. Maybe that’s what kept him going this last year. One of Beni’s favorite things to do was ride in the kayak with his mom. He wore a life vest in his later years because he wasn’t strong enough to keep his head above water.

Last Friday, Deneene knew Beni was done. He stopped eating. Sometimes he couldn’t stand up without falling down. She waited for him to tell her when...and he did. She set the date for Monday, then treated Beni to a beautiful farewell weekend with all his favorite things. They went for a ride in the car and a swim in the lake. And they went for ice cream. Griff seemed to know something was up because he just laid close to Beni all weekend without trying to engage him in play.

When the last ride was over, they brought their good boy home and buried him in a beautiful part of the yard, in the cool shade of a tree. They placed a statue of St. Francis at his head to watch over him. And Griffen laid near the grave all day, waiting for his buddy, honoring his friendship, mourning his passing.

Other animals miss their brothers and sisters when they cross over the Rainbow Bridge, just like we do. It’s sad for everyone. Even though we know they aren’t suffering anymore, we still may feel guilty, like maybe we should have...could have...done more for our friends. In the wild, an animal goes off in the woods by themselves to die when it’s their time. Domestic pets rely on us to make the humane decision for them.

Those pets who own a person are the most blessed because they get to take a little bit of their human’s heart with them...just as they leave behind a little piece of their own. I’ve heard it said, eventually you end up with the heart of a dog...one who loves everyone unconditionally.

My heart is with you, Deneene. And with all of you who have had to say goodbye to a beloved pet...especially if that pet was the last of the pack you shared with your loved one.

❤️

“For what happens to the children of man and what happens to the beasts is the same; as one dies, so dies the other. They all have the same breath, and man has no advantage over the beasts, for all is vanity. All go to one place. All are from the dust, and to dust all return.”
Ecclesiastes 3:19-20 ESV

Day 50: The Book That Started it All

Tue, 05 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

When I was growing up, we spent just about every weekend out at Grandma’s farm. We drove out on Friday night and came home on Sunday evening. The farm was as much my home as the little one my parents bought back in 1960. I was a voracious reader. From the moment the alphabet clicked with me and I realized words could transport me to other worlds, I made my escape as often as possible.

My grandparents didn’t have much schooling. My grandma only went through the eighth grade, if memory serves me correctly. I’m not sure about my Pop-Pop. I do know they were literate and could cipher...their term for doing math. Once, I finished my books I brought with me and was rummaging around for something to read. Grandma had a bookcase in the living room with what precious few books they owned. The one that caught my eye was the first Foxfire Book.

We have talked about the Foxfire books here before. When I was going through my earth mama phase, I had all the Mother Earth News Magazines. And, I had the entire series of Foxfire books. Reading Volume One out on the farm when I was young absolutely cemented in my heart how much I wanted to live on a farm when I grew up.

I did have those three years when we lived in a five bedroom log house on two acres. Then life took me in a different direction. Still, I fulfilled much of that dream by incorporating homesteading skills into my city life as much as possible. Moving back to West Virginia and living on the family farm was a huge deal for me. Not only was it soothing to my soul, but it lit that fire within me again to be more self sufficient.

Now that I’ve remarried and live on five acres, and we’re in this “new normal”, I’ve been browsing some of my favorite websites looking for the tools of the trade. I found Lehman’s Hardware online many years ago when I was building my house in Colorado. I had a picture in my mind of a country farmhouse look and Lehman’s sell reproduction appliances that look like something you might have seen in an early 1900’s kitchen. Alas, they were too pricey for my budget but there were so many intriguing tools, I’ve always kept them as a resource.

Lehman’s Hardware caters to the Amish community by selling tools and appliances that are non-electric. And, you’ll find old-timey things like butter churns and ice cream makers and all manner of household gadgets and supplies. I have several items I have purchased from them over the years. They are high quality, sturdy, and a fine investment.

It didn’t occur to me till a couple of years ago that Lehman’s is only a two hour drive from here. I still haven’t managed to get there for a visit, but I sure hope to soon. When I go, I’ll take you with me on a virtual tour. Lehman’s is in Kidron in the midst of Amish Country in northeastern Ohio, not far from Beaver Creek State Park where I camp with my dear friend, Gail Bable...the camphost there. We normally hold a Girl Camper outing twice a year and we are really missing it this spring.

You can visit Lehman’s Hardware Store HERE.

❤️

“I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:12-13 ESV

Day 48: Trial and Error in the Kitchen

Sun, 03 May 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I was really productive in the kitchen yesterday. I made a double batch of spaghetti sauce and cooked a huge pork shoulder...both in crockpots. Then I decided to try my hand at making yoghurt in my instapot. That was a big no go. It smelled like yoghurt, but even after 10 hours, it was still a soupy mess. I used to have a yoghurt maker a zillion years ago and I used yoghurt starter. I never had a bad batch. So, I gave in and ordered a yoghurt maker online. I eat a lot of yoghurt so I think it will soon pay for itself. You can buy one HERE.

I’m on Day 3 of the Sourdough Starter. Oh, my gosh...this is like having another pet! You have to feed and water it every day. Like...forever! The guy on the YouTube video said it’s like brushing your teeth...you’ll just get used to it being something you do every day. I am looking forward to trying it out though. Mr. FixIt and I both love sourdough bread. And, I had sourdough whole wheat pancakes once and they were fabulous. We’ll see how this works out.

My friend, Kate Dunbar, is the Campground Gourmet. She sent me this sourdough starter and she used to have her own bakery, so I’m guessing it’s pretty good stuff. Kate is the Food Editor for Girl Camper and she takes the most beautiful photographs of food. I really need to up my game. I would love to put lovely photos out for you like the one above, but I seldom remember to take pictures till either the kitchen is a disaster or I’ve finished and the product is half eaten. I’ll try to remember to take pictures more often.

Mr. Virgo used to roll his eyes when I cooked. I can cook for two and make the kitchen look like I’m feeding the 5th Battalion or something. I try to clean as I go, but I seem to be able to do one or the other...not both at the same time. This makes for long days in the kitchen, but I really am enjoying it at this point so I’m not complaining.

Things are starting to open up, but we’re still closed for business here on the Ponderosa. We’ve had no lack of things to keep us busy at home. I want to see the grandkids and the babies, but we’re just going to have to wait for a while to see how things go. We think that is the prudent thing to do. That being said, it is really hard to believe it is May already.

I hope you are all staying well and doing the best you can. My prayers are always with you.

❤️

“Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God,”
2 Corinthians 3:5 ESV

Day 41: Creating Space to Stay and Play

Sun, 26 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

This is where my new “campground” will be on the Ponderosa.

Since I can’t take off with my camper and head for the hills, I’m having to be more creative with my favorite extracurricular activity. I decided to work on Big TOW-Wanda yesterday. I didn’t camp in her at all last year so she really hadn’t had a good cleaning since 2018. Mr. FixIt ran a power cord out to the camper and I found the surge protector and plugin adapter and got her powered up.

Even if there wasn’t a stay-at-home mandate going on right now, I still wouldn’t be as inclined to run around the country on my own as I was before Mr. FixIt had his stroke. He is doing very well...almost back to normal. He still has a little tingling in his left hand, not quite the grip he had before, and he tires more easily. But even that isn’t the main reason I am hesitant to leave him. Coming that close to having a life altering health crisis brought to the forefront of my mind how tenuous life is...something I know all too much about. If I had been on the other side of the country on a camping jaunt and something happened to Mr. FixIt, I’d never forgive myself. It’s not fear as much as it is love and caring. I don’t like being that far away from him for too long...especially now.

So, I’m being creative while still enjoying camping. It’ll be a whole lot cheaper to camp on our five acres. And with at least two full hookups plus lots of room for boondocking, I can host camping groups here at the house. My buds can come camp with me anytime and I don’t have to leave Mr. FixIt alone. I’ll still be here to help with chores during the day. It’s a win-win!

The dinette is always down as a daybed in this camper. This is where I write when I’m camping.

After we got the camper hooked up, Mr. FixIt brought the vacuum cleaner out to me and I commenced to cleaning up a zillion Asian Ladybugs and spiders and a couple of wasps that have wintered over. I sprayed wasp killer in the power cord storage area where I saw some enter last fall in hopes I can nip any nesting in the bud. The refrigerator is on and bottles of water are chilling inside. The beds are made, the floors are swept and the surfaces are dusted.

My first campout of the season is in the bag. It is Sunday and my day of rest will be spent reading in my tiny home on wheels...my little sanctuary.

❤️

“It is a sign forever between me and the people of Israel that in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, and on the seventh day he rested and was refreshed.”
Exodus31:17 ESV

Day 38: Prioritizing

Thu, 23 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Homemade Apple Pie

It isn’t always easy to do a do-over...those moments where life throws you a king sized curve ball and you get to reinvent yourself. There were the divorces. The overdose. Mr. Virgo’s death. The move to WV. Marrying Mr. FixIt. And now...coronavirus has sent us into timeout giving us the opportunity to rethink some things. There are very few things I actually regret doing in my life. But every single time I’ve had to rebuild or rethink has been an incredible time of personal growth.

I received an email this week from my financial advisor with that dreaded “we need to talk” subject. I’ve expected this and was actually preparing to call her anyway. We set a time for yesterday. I sipped my coffee out by the pool in the morning sunshine while we talked about strategies and being good stewards of the funds we are entrusted with. Danielle has taught me a lot about money. I wouldn’t say I’m financially wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. But what I do have, I want to be careful with.

My mind wandered back to when I first became a widow. I had so much to deal with....bills, debt, and planning for a future without my primary breadwinner. I had the money from my divorce settlement and I was still years away from Social Security and Medicare. I had been a “kept woman” for most of my adult life having the luxury of staying home for a portion of that as a stay-at-home mom. Honestly, I knew nothing about money and avoided the conversation like the plague. Once I became a widow, I had no choice. I had to learn.

I didn’t handle my finances very well. Whether it was denial or rebellion or an attempt to soothe my grief with spending, money slipped through my hands like water. And, if I’m going to be brutally honest...in that first year or two, I honestly didn’t think I could possibly survive that so I might as well go out with a bang. Of course, there came a moment of clarity when I realized I had to rein it in or lose my retirement money completely, thank God.

Somewhere in yesterday’s conversation with Danielle, I had a lightbulb moment. I told her I didn’t know if it was being married to a down-to-earth, frugal WV boy or reaching “a certain age” or what...but I’ve suddenly felt a sort of fiduciary maturation of late. I can talk about money without my palms sweating or my heart racing which is such a relief.

When I first started with Danielle, she asked if I wanted to work with a secular guideline or a faith-based one. I had never heard of taking a faith-based approach to financial management and that certainly appealed to me. When we talk about my retirement funds, we talk about looking at my money with intentionality. Where do I want to be in two years? God has blessed me with these funds. How can I use them responsibly?

The spigot of spending has been turned off by this pandemic. What was once multiple trips to town per week has dwindled to one. It’s given me the opportunity to re-evaluate the shopping experience. When we come out of this, I know my own personal spending habits will be different. While the reason we are having home is tragic, we can...we MUST...learn new skills.

My shopping list is usually in an online shopping app. I put what I think I need in my cart and leave it there for a week. Then I review it and invariably ended up either deleting items or saving them for consideration later. If, after two or three weeks, I feel it’s warranted, then I complete my purchase. My recent order included supplies to make homemade tofu. It’s been a long time since I’ve made my own. It tastes so much better than the store bought variety and it’s an affordable source of protein. I buy my soybeans from a farm in Iowa. They are organic and non-GMO. I don’t know if I could ever be a vegetarian, but I can certainly substitute meats with fresh tofu 2-3 times a week.

I’ve cleaned up my schedule, we’re cleaning up our living space, we’re creating ways to enjoy our property without the expense or hazards of travel while still maintaining the experience, and now we’re cleaning up our diet. Well, yeah, ok...there’s pie. But I substituted part of the sugar with Splenda. Hey...one step at a time, ok?

❤️

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28 ESV

Day 36: We Will Be Changed

Tue, 21 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

A good coat of water repellant is a reminder of personal protective equipment and our heroes who wear them.

I have to admit, I wasn’t doing so great on Sunday. I had what I used to call a “pity party” in my self-denigration days. Now I know I was having a healthy release of pent up emotions that was perfectly understandable and acceptable. I allow that in these richer, riper years. I wish I could have been easier on myself when I was younger but better late than never, right?

Yesterday was so much better. I slept well and allowed myself a little extra time to wake up and stretch while I enjoyed the morning sunshine through the bedroom window. When I was ready, I padded into the family room to kiss Mr. FixIt on top of his head and went to make coffee. I would have loved to sit on the deck by the pool under the new pergola we built, but it was still a bit too chilly. Instead, I took my coffee into the office to do a little writing.

I was just getting into my groove when my phone jingled and it was Daughter #1 calling for a video chat. My heart soared! I moved my chair over to the window, grabbed my coffee, and sat back to share every bit of love I could during her thirty minute break. We had such a lovely visit. Big came out of her bedroom to give me her sweetest smile. Little was busy doing whatever almost-thirteen-year-olds do during a pandemic. It was such an incredible treat to see my girls.

While I was busy writing, Mr. FixIt was out tilling the garden. He came when he was finished and invited me out to sit in the sun with him for awhile. The cat jumped in my lap and snoozed for a little while. The red-winged blackbirds and the blue jays were putting up a fuss over the feeder. We haven’t seen any hummingbirds yet but the food is out.

I sat there, soaking up the sun and feeling the freedom a slower pace brings. I watched my husband as he started skimming leaves out of the bottom of the pool with the long-handled net. The water dripping onto the wooden boards of the deck and I smiled to see the water seal he put on last summer was doing its job.

The light is getting stronger every day as we get deeper into spring. I marveled at the beads of water on the deck. For some reason, they reminded me of our brave frontline workers in this health crisis. Their resistance to defeat makes them stand up...shining in the sun. I don’t know about you but I will never, ever look at a healthcare worker the same again. Their dedication and perseverance is awe inspiring.

I think we’ll end up staying where we are for the time being instead of building in town. We’ll wait for the economy to rebound before we venture into something that big. That means I can ease back a little on the timeline of the home projects and rearrange some priorities. We missed out on our trip to the beach. And camping isn’t looking too promising right now. So, I asked Mr. FixIt to get a power pole installed in our field so I can plug in at least two campers. That way, when restrictions ease up some, I can host some of my camping friends in my own little private campground here on The Ponderosa.

It’s ok to have sad times. And, it’s ok to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and change your dreams. I’m really looking forward to getting the camper cleaned up and “go on vacation”...right in our own backyard.

❤️

“Behold! I tell you a mystery. We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,”
1 Corinthians 15:51 ESV

Day 35: I Miss Your Face

Mon, 20 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Absence makes us appreciate presence.

Like everyone else, we’re doing a lot of hanging out here at The Ponderosa. Mowing season has begun. We’re getting projects done and making plans for others. The few times we have ventured out have been masked forays into uncrowded stores for a quick purchase. We only have a few shops in the tiny town on the other side of the hill. Piggly Wiggly and Dollar General are the bigger ones.

I needed a couple things the other day so I stopped in the Dollar General. There was a woman shopping ahead of me. She was around my age. She wore a mask but she had it pulled down under her nose. The first thing I said to her was “Thank you so much for wearing a mask. It’s so important to help stop the spread of this disease.” Her eyes crinkled up from the smile hidden behind her mask.

“I don’t mean to pry,” I said. “But, did you by any chance work in medicine?”

“No I didn’t,” she said.

“I worked in the medical field for over forty years and I would never be presumptuous and tell someone what to do. However, your mask won’t help you if you don’t cover your nose.”

She quickly pulled it up. “Oh, I know...but it makes my glasses fog up and I can’t stand it.”

At the time, I didn’t have an answer for her. I knew there were ways to get around that, but I just couldn’t think off the top of my head. Since then, I found out one way is to fold up a tissue under the your glasses behind the mask. Some masks have a flexible wire at the top that molds it to your nose and that helps, but these homemade masks don’t have that. If you wash your glasses with soapy water leaves a thin film that reduces surface tension and the lenses won’t fog up. Mr. FixIt swears if you wash your glasses with shaving cream, they won’t fog up. I haven’t tried that yet.

I have a bit of a hearing loss and find I’m depending on reading lips a lot more than I thought I was. I’m having to ask people to repeat themselves more often since we are wearing masks. I also miss seeing people smile. It’s amazing how much nonverbal cues come through watching a person’s face.

Remember I told you the other day that I hadn’t cried since this all started? Well, last night my daughter called and we had a long, laughter-filled conversation. We told stories and reminisced about her childhood. It was leisurely and delightful. When we were saying our goodbyes, I heard her voice thicken with emotion.

“Mama, the other day I read that if they can’t come up with a vaccine that works, we might have to practice social distancing clear into 2022. I can’t stand the thought of not hugging you for that long!” (Note: I’m not saying a vaccine cures this. I’m not being political. I know we can’t stay in limbo like this forever. I’m just relaying what my daughter said she heard.)

My heart broke.

“Honey, I would find a way to hug you...no matter what. We could put a blanket between us and I could give you a big ol’ Mama hug!”

We said our goodbyes...and I hung up and cried.

It’s the first time I’ve shed tears since all this began. It wasn’t cleansing tears, either.

It just made me sad.

It’s ok to be saddened by all this. It’s hard to think about all the things...all the little things and the big things that we’re missing. We can’t get through this without feeling sadness. I’m combatting that with making lists of all the things I want to do when things open up. I’m looking for ways to serve others through this difficult time. And I look for the goodness of God in the world around me.

Not every day can be a happy day.

That’s ok.

❤️

“The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies.”
Psalm 18:2-3 ESV

Day 34: We Are in the Same Storm...NOT the Same Boat

Sun, 19 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

We are all caught in the same storm...but not in the same boat.

Let me preface this by stating this is not an original thought. I mean, really...IS there such a thing anymore? No, I read something yesterday on Facebook that someone forwarded. It was attributed to an “Unknown Author” so, who knows? If you wrote it or know for certain who did, let me know so I can give credit where credit is due.

The premise of the post was the pandemic and where we factor in it. I’m sure we all have read “We are in the same boat!” That couldn’t be further from the truth. “We’ll get through this together!” Oh, that I truly pray for. But in the same boat? Nope. We’re in the same storm. And even that is somewhat different. The storm in Washington state and Florida and New York and Texas and New Orleans is far different than Montana and Wyoming and North Dakota and even here in West Virginia.

The only thing that is absolute is, we are facing the same enemy...Covid-19. That’s the storm we are collectively facing. For some, it’s hardly a blip on the radar screen. For others, it’s a Class V Hurricane. To say we are all in the same boat is totally inaccurate. We are all in our own boats...sailing along as best we can with what’s being thrown our way. It’s a crapshoot where the dice will land when they're tossed our way.

Some of us are riding this wave with life vests out the wazoo. Money in the bank, food in the larder, a mortgage free home. It’s pretty much business as usual with a little more time at home than we’re used to. Maybe we don’t get the choicest cut of meat or they were out of our favorite wine. Maybe our biggest challenge is getting oh so bored with the menu at Chez Home Kitchen or we’ve gone through our DVR’s backlog of “must see” shows we always wanted to catch up on.

Others have always been a paycheck away from hunger or homelessness. We’ve got parents teaching their children through online learning on top of working their own 10-12 hour day online...if we’re lucky enough to have a job, period. Some of us don’t have sweet and tender spouses ready to be there to back us up in our darkest time of need. Some of us have suffered abuse at night but at least had those hours on the job as a way to escape the blows for a while. Some of our children are facing hunger now more than ever...maybe for the first time in their little lives. Maybe the weight of the crises between moms and dad is spilling over and the littles are catching the brunt of it in ways we cannot imagine.

We are NOT in the same boat. The single mom with three kids that’s trying to figure out how to keep her family together is not the same as the retired couple sipping their martini and watching the evening news together in their neat and tidy mansion on the 9th hole of the local country club.

We are NOT in the same boat. The dad who works three jobs to put food on the table and finds himself standing in a food bank line for 10 hours to receive a sack of groceries the likes of which others can pick up at the corner market without a second thought.

We are NOT in the same boat. Blacks and Latinos are dying in far greater numbers simply because their demographic puts them at a higher risk for disease.

We ARE, however, in the same storm...more or less. We are facing a formidable foe. I pray we get through this together. But some of us won’t. Many of us won’t.

We are seeing exactly what I told you we would see. I told you, if the numbers didn’t turn out to be the mega-catastrophic death tolls originally predicted, we would have people screaming that we over-reacted. I told you this would happen if the curve flattened but it’s not because we over-reacted. It’s because the safety measures we put in place did their jobs. This debate will rage for months...could more lives have been saved if we started earlier? Did we do enough? Did we do too much? Where and when did the virus actually start? Since we didn’t have enough tests, what is the actually number of patients infected?

Now we are seeing protests of the shutdown and some officials are easing restrictions in what others see as too soon and with reckless abandon. Just the other day I wrote a post about gaslighting and we are seeing more and more of that, too. Changes will come at a dizzying speed and it’s going to be hard to keep up. Throw a presidential election in the mix and...holy cats...what a mess.

It’s not all gloom and doom, though. Look at how folks are rallying around the people on the front lines. Look at how people are contributing and volunteering and organizing. As Mrs. Rogers told her little boy...”Look for the helpers.” They're out there and they are doing good things. There are positive things coming from this. People are searching out ways to be of service.

If you’re still having trouble finding a ray of hope, try this. There wasn’t a single school shooting in all of March 2020...the first March since 2002 to not see one.

That is a sobering thought.

Maybe, just maybe....maybe we don’t WANT to go back to normal.

Maybe this is our chance to change. This is our do-over.

I had to do it after Mr. Virgo died. I had to create a whole new normal. A whole new world. A whole new identity. Heck, if I...in all my messy dysfunction...could work with God and create something as beautiful as the life I’m living, anything is possible.

Anything.

❤️

““Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
Isaiah 43:18-19 ESV

#StartingOver, #Healing, #Coronavirus

Day 31: The Redbud and Dogwood are Blooming!

Thu, 16 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

The redbud are blooming!!!

Mr. FixIt and I have been watching the weather reports very carefully the last week. We needed to get out to the farm to mow so we have been waiting for a dry, sunny day. Yesterday and today both were forecast to be beautiful, but...there was a 60% chance of rain last night. The ground at the farm is very soft and since it’s in a holler, it just doesn’t dry out very well. A heavy riding mower could easily tear up the lawn if we weren’t careful so we decided to go yesterday.

The wispy purple-pink of redbud are so ethereal mixed with the spring green. One of my favorite color combos.

As I was gathering things up to leave, I asked Mr. FixIt if he would like to go spend the night at the farm since we were going out anyway. This coming weekend is when we were supposed to go to the beach, so we have both been feeling the disappointment of changed plans. This would be a nice little getaway and feel like at least we saw something other than our own four walls.

The first mowing of the spring out at the farm.

As soon as we drove into the driveway, we saw the tarp on the vintage camper had been ripped off in the wind. We knew we needed to get that fixed as soon as possible so we quickly got the lawn mowed then headed to the closest town with a hardware store to buy a tarp. The drive there was stunning. The sun was shining. It was just warm enough to have the windows open and the wind blowing through our hair. On the way home, we stopped to pick up a pie and ice cream for dessert. I also finally had the opportunity to snag a shot of this really cool dry-stacked rock wall I’ve been eyeing for the last couple of years.

I think this big pine is going to have to come down before too long. It keeps leaning out over the yard.

Every time I had the opportunity, I stopped and took photos. After Mr. Virgo died, I realized I only had a handful of photos of him. He was always the photographer so we didn’t get many pictures of him. I’ll never make that mistake again. Now I take pictures of everything and everyone. I have hundreds of photos of Mr. FixIt and since I’m taking photos of him, I end up taking pictures of a lot of other things, too.

I drive past this dry-stack rock wall frequently and finally got a picture of it.

We have a lot of cherry blossoms. Now if we could just keep the birds out when they’re ripe in order to actually have some for pies.

One of my friends from Grandma’s church posted a picture of a batch of Redbud Jelly. Unfortunately, I don’t have the stuff to make it at the moment, but I’ll have it for next spring!

Stacie says it’s really easy to make and has such a delicate taste. And, my oh my...isn’t it just beautiful? I’m thinking Homemade Buttermilk Biscuits and Redbud Jelly are definitely on the menu for Spring 2021!

Here’s the picture of Stacie’s jelly and the recipe she sent me:

Stacie’s Redbud Jelly. It’s as pretty as a picture!

I hope you are finding things to look forward to today. When we were at the hardware store yesterday, we bought seeds to plant green beans. The last three springs, the rabbits have eaten them. Now that we have Pumpkin the Guard Cat...we haven’t had any bunnies in the yard so maybe we will have beans this year!

❤️

“Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.””
Hosea 6:3 ESV

Day 29: It’s OK to Cry. It’s Also OK Not To

Tue, 14 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

It’s ok to cry...or not to. Just feel your feels.

I’ve gone through a lot of therapy in my life. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and the substance abuse of self-medication. I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and the progeny of a dysfunctional alcoholic father. I haven’t always selected the best relationships and I’ve made a thousand and one critical errors of judgement. My life has been messy and I’ve hurt a lot of people along the way. But, I’ve had a boatload of therapy and then I finally listened to the knock on my heart and let Jesus into my life to perform the most amazing miracle in an instant.

He made me new.

That therapy...those long years of prodding and poking the beast within me till I could expose it for what it was gave me the tools that I desperately needed when I lost Mr. Virgo. The tools I learned along the way, and the faith and trust I have in Jesus brought me back into the light and transformed my pain into my purpose.

I was telling someone the other day, if ever there were anything that could possibly shake twenty years of sobriety, it would be the last couple of months. At first, the coronavirus was something far away and didn’t touch me. It was no different than any other news story viewed with empathy but also a certain...detachment. It didn’t really hit home that it was coming here. I had this false sense of security, as I’m sure many of you felt as well.

Then, Mr. FixIt had a stroke. Mild, thank God. But... “he’s had a stroke” is NOT what I expected to hear that cold Friday night in February. Thankfully, that didn’t settle in and trigger my PTSD too much. As a matter of fact, I don’t remember much of the first couple of weeks afterward. That’s the nature of our brain...it protects us when it can.

What I do remember was...sitting together, watching the news. The coronavirus was here. We were transfixed. The threat of a deadly pandemic had a way of minimizing the stroke and changed our focus outward. We watched and watched and watched till we had to stop for our own mental health.

Then tornado season is hitting when these poor people are at their lowest. My heart is breaking...all the time.

I used to cry. A lot. I’d cry at anything...Kleenex commercials, the smell of my baby’s head, a sad movie, the tenderness of falling in love, the aching grief of loss. It occurred to me sometime in all of this...I haven’t cried. Not a break down, ugly cry. Not the sob till you can’t catch your breath kind of cry. It made me think something might be wrong with me.

Oh, I’ve had moments when a silent tear has slipped down my cheek. When I snuck to the bathroom to throw up while they started the stroke protocol on my husband. When I got him home and finally felt the relief it wasn’t any worse than it was. When the news started showing the hard realities of the pandemic. When my great grandbaby said, “I love you, Gigi” and I couldn’t scoop her up in my arms. When I couldn’t be with my kids and grandkids. Then I saw the potters graves of the unclaimed, unidentified bodies piling up in NYC.

What is wrong with me that I am not beating my chest and sobbing?

It turns out...there’s nothing wrong with me. I know it’s ok to cry. I know it’s healing to release those cleansing hormones. And, I know Who I hand this all over to every night. I know that i can lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross and leave it there and God will carry it for me. It’s like my tattoo reminds me...my burdens are light as a feather because God carries them for me.

There is nothing wrong with seeking out the help of a mental heath practitioner if you are feeling overwhelmed. Most are offering video conferencing now and that makes them so much more accessible now.

I learned a lot about crying when I became a widow. Maybe I cried all the tears I had left in those first two or three years. Maybe I just got a heck of a lot stronger or braver or harder from that experience. I don’t know. All I know is, it’s ok if you can’t find the tears to cry right now. These are tough times. It’s just so much easier when you don’t have to carry this burden all by yourself. When things ease up, maybe our tears will come more easily. Till then, may you find some Peace within you.

❤️

“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.”
Psalm 107:13-16 ESV

Day 22: I Took a Little Break...Stay and Pray

Tue, 07 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

The view from my grandparents’ bedroom has always brought me such peace. I always feel safe here.

I had to be up bright and early yesterday to take the truck into the body shop to fix the damage from the rebar I ran over a couple of weeks ago. Could it have waited? Yes. But there was very minimal contact with others in the interaction. I wore a mask, spoke to one man in the body shop...at a distance. Handed over the key and declined his offer to wait inside for the Enterprise guy to bring my vehicle. When the car arrived, I sat in my truck and the agent stood six feet away and asked questions. I handed him my ID and credit card wrapped in a disinfecting wipe...for his protection. I received it back in a different wrap for mine. It was all done in five minutes.

I took my container of wipes and went over every surface of that car that I am likely to touch, although I could see from the streaks left behind that it had been cleaned before. When I was satisfied, I got in and left. I checked my mail and went through the drive thru for a bag of pepperoni rolls because one must have pepperoni rolls when facing the worst week of a pandemic, right? The package got wiped down as well.

My laundry was still in the truck from my ill-fated trip to the farm last Sunday when the hillside was on fire, so I made plans to head out there after getting the rental car. I arrived in late morning and the sun was sparkling on all the lovely green grass and flowering shrubs. I hauled in my laundry and got it started. As the first load was in, I crawled into the bed my grandparents slept in. I pulled the covers up under my chin and stared out the window at the massive flowering quince along the creek bank.

My mind, like most of yours I’m sure, has been a whirlwind these last few weeks. Between prayers for my family, friends, readers, and public at large and keeping inventory of where I’ve been, how many times I’ve washed my hands, and if I’ve touched my face...I’ve been...what? Teetering? No, that’s not it. Worried? Yeah, who isn’t? Overwhelmed? Surprisingly, no. Actually I’ve been running steady like a little two-stroke engine pulling a grist mill. Humming right along, but bound to run out of gas soon or later.

I decided to take a preemptive break BEFORE I ran out of gas. This is a good mental health strategy that I learned along some of the rockiest paths I’ve been on in this life. And, I can’t think of anyplace in the world that gives me more comfort than being at the farm by myself for a day or two. It even beats being in my camper...and you KNOW how much I love that!

As I watched the flowery branches of the quince sway to and fro in the breeze, a Yellow Eastern Tiger Swallowtail butterfly landed here and there, sucking up the sweet nectar. It made me smile. I took a deep breath through my nose and smelled flowers and moss and wet leaves in the woods. I smelled “grandma’s house”...a pleasing mixture of old wood, old fabrics, old books. I wish I could bottle that and keep it. Or make candles with that special scent. The birds were calling and I saw the blue heron that frequents the creek across the road as it slowly beat its wings up the holler.

I drifted off into a deep sleep and when I woke up, I vowed I would not watch the news on this beautiful day. I know what is happening. Instead, I prayed for them all. Those being left at the door of the hospital. Those being left behind when they don’t return. I cannot change what is happening right now. I cannot do anything more than what I am currently doing....wiping, washing, and waiting. Weeping more doesn’t help.

A high school friend lost her husband during the night. It was not unexpected. It was not coronavirus. It was cancer. Death doesn’t wait for anything or anyone. That death hurts, too. Because that’s the one we knew was coming and couldn’t stop it. This pandemic has changed how we grieve. We will continue to find all the ways it has changed us as we go along, but my heart breaks for the newly bereaved in this time without hugs.

❤️

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
Psalms 34:18 ESV

Day 21: Three Weeks Down...How Many More?

Mon, 06 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Here’s a sweet idea for a craft to do with the kids while we are sheltering at home. I can see presents for the grandparents here.

I was thinking about the shutdown this weekend and wondered how people would have reacted if, from the get-go, we were told...”Ok, y’all need to go home and stay home. The only places you can go is the grocery store, the pharmacy, the gas station, and the doctor or hospital...period! You can help a senior or a debilitated family member, but everything else is shut down...like, NOW!”

Can you imagine the rebellion and chaos? Thank God it didn’t come that way, because this way is bad enough. We did great this week. We did go to the nursery to buy our tomato plants and picked up a pizza, but we stayed out of stores. It’s going to be even more important to do that in the next two weeks as we near the peak.

I don’t think the “official numbers” of coronavirus cases being reported, in this country especially, is anywhere near accurate. I talked with friends this weekend who are doctors. They said they had patients who clearly had the symptoms, but you have to call the DHHR, give them the info, and THEY make the determination whether the patient gets the test. We were woefully underprepared for this crisis, but hopefully this will be a lesson and we can learn and grow from it for the next time a pandemic comes.

Let’s just continue to do our best, to hope and pray that we get through this with the fewest deaths possible, and we can live to fight another day. There are so many things that need to change in our immediate future, and I will do my best to help wherever I can. I have country living skills that I can share with others. I vow to teach the young people in my family what they need to know to thrive in hard times.

My phone rang yesterday and it was a group of girlfriends from high school calling with a surprise group video chat. What a treat! It was wonderful to see each other and lift each other up on a sunny Palm Sunday. It did our hearts good.

I have no idea how much longer we’ll be sheltering at home. Last night after supper, Mr. FixIt and I went for a walk out our country lane. We passed a neighbor and her littles out for a walk to check the mail. I asked if they were the ones who left that lovely container of homemade cookies on our stoop at Christmas. The mama smiled and nodded her head. She pointed to the two older girls...maybe five and seven years old. I told them what a great job they did and that their cookies were delicious. Those little girls beamed!

How are you all doing with meal prep? Are you tired of cooking? Have you come up with innovative ways to prepare the same thing over and over? I made spaghetti last night but I was out of fresh mushrooms. I used canned mushrooms and I really thought the sauce was awful. Mr. FixIt loved it, but I thought it was bland and too soupy. But, as my grandma used to say...”It’ll be et!” Food was never wasted at Grandma’s house, and it won’t be wasted at mine, either.

So, it’s Monday. It may be a bumpy ride this week. Do what you need to do to get by, but be safe. Try not to watch the news too much. We will get through this.

❤️

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;”
2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ESV

Day 20: A Lesson From Nature and a Song for Your Heart

Sun, 05 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

A tree finds a way to grow in the harshest of environments.

Yesterday was so beautiful on The Ponderosa. The forsythia and flowering quince are at their peak of color. The pear tree out front is so full of delicate white blossoms the limbs bend. The grass in the fields has filled in with a spring green that shocks the eyes in the glare of the sun. All around us, the woods are filling in...first the underbrush, then the trees budding. It is a sight to behold and one that brings peace and comfort to my soul. It brings promise in the midst of an ugly scourge that is threatening the world. The dichotomy between the microcosm of my world and the painful specter that is New York, Italy, and countless other locales Boggles the mind.

We spent the biggest portion of yesterday outside. I cleaned out my truck to prepare it for the body shop on Monday. The camping gear was sadly put away for now. We had a socially distanced visit with some family in the driveway. Our first great grandson is getting SO big and it was really hard not to run and scoop him up in my arms. Fortunately, he is too young to understand all this and was happy to sit in the seat of their Jeep and play patty-cake with me.

As I went about my day, cleaning and organizing, I watched the birds swoop in to the bird feeders. Mr. FixIt put up the hummingbird feeder and we are anxiously awaiting our first sighting. The flowering shrubs are so heavily laden with honey bees, you can hear them buzzing from twenty feet away. It does my heart good to see the bees. I think there are more this year than usual, which is a good sign.

Nature can teach us many things during times of duress. Nature almost always finds a way to survive, even in the harshest of environments. So can we. Nature displays beauty at every turn, even when the going gets rough. So can we. Nature follows a set script of seasons and there is a time for every purpose. There is for us, as well. It’s just that, now we have this thing...this aberrant monster that we can’t control. And that is disconcerting. Disheartening. Discouraging.

Even in the most difficult moments of our lives, we can find courage, we can seek beauty, and we can display kindness. In my search for Christine Lavin’s song about adjusting your dreams, I stumbled upon another of her works. At first, I was a bit afraid to listen as the title is “As Bad As It Gets”. She wrote it for someone she loved very much who was going through a devastating medical crisis. When I listened to it, I thought to myself it was something I wish I would have found early on in my grief. I find it comforting in the light of where we are right now and thought I would share it with you here this morning. Christine sent it to me to share in the hope that it helps you.

“As Bad As It Gets” by Christina Lavin: https://vimeo.com/233368854

❤️

“And his disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus answered, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him. We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work. As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world."”

John 9:2-5 ESV

#Struggles, #Coronavirus, #Faith, #ChristineLavin

Day 19: What Day is This?

Sat, 04 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Our new pergola on the deck by the pool. We are a good team!

I’m finally getting some relief from the pain in my muscles and joints and that means I am sleeping better. Hyperparathyroidism. Big word for a very tiny little gland that has decided to go haywire. It takes an average of eight years to be diagnosed with it. Eight years. It’s taken me three years to get an answer and I feel like that’s forever. Hyperparathyroidism causes an elevation in calcium which takes calcium out of your bones where you need it and they get more brittle and ache. It also causes muscle aches, insomnia, hair loss, depression and irritability. Like...grumpy on steroids.

I kind of accidentally discovered something that really helps. I had a bottle of a mild muscle relaxant left over from my car accident. I’ve tried everything else for the muscle aches. I won’t take prescription pain meds, but a muscle relaxant acts differently without the abuse potential. I took what I had last month and after the first three days, I couldn’t believe how much better I felt. Then I ran out and didn’t have them for a week and wow...could I tell the difference. I saw the Nurse Practitioner this week and she gave me a prescription and already I’m feeling so much better. I was able to work for several hours standing on my feet and climbing up and down a ladder yesterday and it felt great!

We finished our first big project of the Pandemic Era yesterday. Last summer we purchased a pergola for the deck around our pool. It is way too hot in the summer to sit out there and we were hoping this would offer enough shade to at least have coffee and meals. This week we decided it was the perfect time to put it together. Mr. FixIt and I are a good team and we had that thing up in a couple of afternoons. Now we just need to figure out how to keep the cat off of it. She was SO excited to see it. She thinks we have erected her very own pedestal and I’ve chased her down several times. We are going to have to come up with something to keep her from trying to jump up from the railing in the back. If you have any ideas, let me know.

After the pergola was finished, we went for a drive. It was 4:30 when we arrived at the nursery about ten miles from our house. It is out in the country and there were only six people there in all, spread out over three greenhouses. We quickly picked out fourteen tomato plants, a small bag of onion sets, and a couple of fresh heads of butter-crunch lettuce for salads. We were in and out of there in less than ten minutes and wiped everything down before we put it in the truck.

We called ahead for a pizza and the owner brought it out to us wearing gloves. It was hot and fresh from the oven so no contamination there. We wiped down the box with disinfectant wipes then cleaned our hands. Then we drove over to the park, turned the truck so the bed was facing the river, and sat on the tailgate for a picnic. There was no one near us at all and it was such a treat. We came home and cleaned up again and placed the tomato plants on the windowsill in the family room.

It was a little taste of normalcy. We had a huge dose of Vitamin D from working outside in the fresh air and sunshine. And we avoided the news all day till 6:30 when we watched Lester Holt. We are finding a better rhythm...a better balance. We are picking ourselves up a little and adjusting more. We are remembering how blessed we are to have each other’s support and love. And, how much fun we have together.

Thing only thing I’m noticing is, I have no idea what day it is. All day yesterday I thought it was Saturday. I told Mr. FixIt...every day is Saturday now. Of course, don’t say that to the people working from home. A lot of places are saying there won’t be school the rest of the year and this is something teachers and children will have to adjust to. There will be no closure, no sense of an ending or a moving on. This will take some time for them to process how to best serve their students and their own children.

This is just another layer to the onion...another way this pandemic will affect us and future generations. There will be ripple effects that reach far beyond today. Of course, being safe...keeping our children and everyone else safe...that is of primary importance. Still...it’s just one more thing. Another loss.

The weather is supposed to be beautiful again so today will be spent emptying out the truck so it can go in the body shop on Monday for a couple of weeks. I also want to get the camper cleaned out so we can go “camping”. After all...we have our own little five acre campground here. We might as well take advantage of it!

❤️

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."”
John 13:34-35 ESV

Day 18: It’s Feel Good Friday...Adjust Your Dreams

Fri, 03 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

There are two things you can bank on in this life...God and change.

Many years ago, in a life long gone, I was a DJ on public radio. I had my own show and played an eclectic mix of music the likes of which could only fly on a station like KDNK. I playEd Bach and Steve Winwood. Patsy Cline and Fleetwood Mac. I threw new stuff in there as well as jazz and country and R&B. Whatever struck my fancy, I played it. It was great fun.

One of the artists I began to fancy was a singer-songwriter named Christine Lavin. Her music covered such a broad range of emotion, just like my radio show. Everything from eating Cold Pizza for Breakfast to the acknowledgement/encouragement of As Bad as it Gets to the raucous fun of What Was I Thinking? Christine’s music carried me though a particularly rough time in my life. My marriage was doing the slow burn before that brilliant crash that sent me away for a while.

As we are beginning to gain a real understanding of the magnitude of what we are collectively facing in this pandemic, I have been turning inward to my memory banks. I’ve been looking for those tools in my toolbox that I used to help get me through the heartbreaks...first with divorce, then with the untimely death of Mr. Virgo.

We all need more tools to help us cope. My faith brings me the most comfort. And I augment my faith with finding the goodness in the world and in the people within it. I have a friend in Costa Rica. Greg and I send pictures of fine art back and forth to each other and tell what it is about that particular piece that speaks to us on that day. Another friend and I send each other funny pictures and memes and videos to maintain a sense of connection with our similar humor.

The last week or so, a song has swirled around in my mind. Just a snippet floating into and out of my consciousness. I remember hearing it during that dark time of sadness surrounding my second divorce. I felt defeated, abandoned, and decidedly “less than”. It was called “Adjust Your Dreams” and was attached to another song “Shining My Flashlight” during a live recording by none other than...Christine Lavin.

I’ve seen Christine a couple of times in concert. Small, intimate venues in which she sat at a table in the lobby before the show and painted my nails. (Just that act alone signals a simpler time when we didn’t think of catching or spreading some deadly disease through casual social contact.) I had a delightful conversation with her and enjoyed her shows immensely. A few years later, she and I communicated briefly when I was trying to organize a concert at the luxury resort Mr. Virgo and I worked at in Pagosa Springs. It didn’t work out and I was always bummed about that.

Since “Adjust Your Dreams” was circling around my brain, I went on the prowl through Google and couldn’t find it anywhere. I really wanted to use that today for “Feel Good Friday”, so I sent Ms. Lavin a note through her website and asked if there might be a recording or video somewhere. She didn’t have a copy but put it out on her FB page and within minutes, the recording was in my inbox!

We all have had dreams. Dreams of what we want our lives to be. Dreams of how we want things to work. We may even find our dreams come true and we are living them in the moment. Then something so unforeseen, so unthinkable, so utterly devastating comes along and takes our dreams away in little bites over a very short period of time and we find ourselves drifting. This is how the last few months have felt to me.

Christine’s song...just a few verses, really...is uplifting. When we find ourselves in the midst of dashed dreams, we need to adjust our dreams and make new ones. We’re not quite there yet. Right now, it feels like we are essentially riding down some pretty rough Class VI whitewater... blindfolded. I know I am not alone in this. I know God is in control and is bigger than any of this and He does not change no matter what is going on in the world. And I also know, I’m not the only one feeling this way. We are all in the same boat.

Here is Christine’s song she so generously shared with me. The last bit of the song is done with this really cool recording device where she sings different parts and it ends up sounding like a dozen voices. If you don’t know her music, do give her a listen. She is fun and upbeat and sometimes a bit irreverent and her music is good for what ails you. You can find her on FB and YouTube as well as her catalog on iTunes. I hope you enjoy it.

Adjust Your Dreams - Shining My Flashlight on the Moon
by Christine Lavin

❤️

“"For I the Lord do not change...”
Malachi 3:6 ESV

Day 17: My “Dressy Mask”

Thu, 02 Apr 2020 01:30:00 -0600

“My new look...it ranks right up there with overgrown bangs and a barn coat!”

Yesterday was filled with good news, but it got a slow start. Mr. FixIt had an appointment at 9:00 which means he woke me at 8:00. Which means I’d had a solid two hours of sleep. I just haven’t slept much at all since I started feeling bad. I’d lay there and wonder if it was coronavirus. I would surreptitiously take my temperature every hour on the hour. I could not turn my mind off.

When I had trouble waking up, my sweet husband lovingly offered to let me sleep and he went off to his appointment by himself. They wouldn’t have let me in the room anyway so I couldn’t have been much help. I was asleep before he left the house.

I had an appointment to follow up with this parathyroid issue and the scans they did. When I arrived, this time I had to tell the medical staff at the makeshift desk in the lobby that I’ve been having some symptoms that could possibly be attributed to coronavirus. This time I was ushered to a room with a young woman in full hazmat regalia and carefully questioned. The really good news is...the nurse practitioner is convinced my symptoms are a combinations of severe allergies and the parathyroid issues. I’m trusting she is right. Also, it does not appear to be cancer. However, I still have a parathyroid tumor that is causing hyperparathyroidism and that has to be addressed with an endocrinologist in June.

I had to make a run to the pharmacy to pick up some meds. Yesterday was the first day I have gone out with a mask. Partly because I was concerned I could possibly make someone sick. Partly because I didn’t want to get sick from anyone else. As I stood in line at the pharmacy, a woman turned and asked where I got my mask.

“I bought it last summer to mow the grass. I have asthma and I can easily end up with really bad bronchitis and have to be hospitalized for it, so now I wear an N95 mask. They came two to a package. I have one of them hanging on the riding mower to remind me to wear it. This one is my “dressy mask” for going out.”

“The all new Easter Mask for your spring ensemble!”

She hesitated a moment then we both broke out laughing at the absurdity of a “dressy mask”. I told her it was soon to be all the rage. People will be adding glitter and sequins and ruffles before long. It made for a lighter moment in a scary situation. If you would have told either one of us last Thanksgiving that, before Easter, we would be walking around wearing masks and schools would be out and people would be working from home, if they were working at all....we would never have believed you.

I honestly felt more comfortable being out in the mask. And, I could see why the medical experts are concerned that wearing a mask would give people a false sense of security and they wouldn’t take the other precautions as seriously. When I was in x-ray school, I had to learn about maintaining a sterile field. The average person doesn’t have a clue how to maintain that. It isn’t easy and is totally opposite of what we normally do in our daily living.

The good news is, we are learning new skills. And we will continue to learn them because we are a resourceful species.

The very best news is, Mr. FixIt has met with all the specialists he needed to see after his stroke in February and he has been given a clean bill of health. We are so very grateful to get another chance at this beautiful life.

Oh, and today is Daughter #2’s birthday. She turns thirty today...a monumental time in a woman’s life. And, she’s doing it during a pandemic...on a day where it’s supposed to snow. This gal has been knocked down so many times by life and she keeps getting back up...time after time. It’s a heck of a way to ring in the Big 3-0, but “resilient” is her middle name. Happy Birthday, Moon Pie...I love you to the moon, eleventy-seventy-teen times and back!

❤️

“For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord...”
Jeremiah 30:17 ESV

Day 15: Glitter Virus de Corona

Tue, 31 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Imagine the coronavirus is glitter and you can see how easily it spreads to EVERYTHING!

When Little was about six years old, she looked at me with adoring eyes every grandma swoons over and said, “You know Nana...I’m a maker, just like you!” (❤️MELT!) And, indeed she is. She is creative, artistic, witty, and an extraordinarily deep thinker. She is going to be thirteen in May, so she is currently in that stage where most adults fall in the idiot column. But, I have no doubt she will turn around someday and be my mini-me again.

I’m not sure who gave her the glitter, but being the artist she is, someone filled her up with a gigantic supply. Glitter. Beads. Markers. Paints. All manner of brushes and paper and canvas upon which to glue, smear, splash, and enjoy with great abandon. Which is exactly what she did. Daughter #1 had declared there will be no new carpet until Little goes away to college because she just cannot stomach the idea of MORE glitter.

They have glitter everywhere. You cannot...can NOT...go into their house without getting glitter on you, no matter where you stand, sit, or lie down. Not matter how many times they vacuum, sweep, wipe, dust, or mop. It is impervious and permanent. I saw a meme the other day comparing coronavirus to glitter and it makes perfect sense.

Let’s say you go to Little’s house and get glitter on you, but you didn’t go to the bathroom so you don’t wash your hands and you’re in a hurry. You’re careful because you don’t touch your face so there’s no glitter there. You get in your car and stop at the gas station for gas. You go inside to buy a soda and a candy bar. You can’t decide which candy bar you want. You pick up one and read the calorie count and put it down. By the third or fourth bar, you realize they all have roughly the same calorie count so you put it back and go pick out a piece of fruit. you squeeze a couple of apples and an orange and finally choose a banana. You open the cooler and pull out a soda. then, at the last minute, you think, “Maybe I should have water instead. I’m having fruit, after all.” You put the soda back, grab a water and go up to the counter and pay.

You pull out the money for your purchase and pay, throwing the change down into the bottom of your purse. You head back out to the car and drive to the post office, the bank, the vet, the hair salon, and make a final stop at Walmart. Somewhere in there, you have washed your hands at least once or twice. But every time you got back in the car or picked up your keys or drank out of that soda or ate that banana or opened your car door...you got glitter on you again. And, every time you touched something that others will touch, you leave glitter that they pick up and carry with them.

We have all had experience with the persistence of glitter...be it an art project or a Christmas card. Once you get it on you, you have to work at it to get rid of it. The same thing goes for a bacteria or virus. The only thing is, you can’t see them so that makes them even more nefarious.

We are all going through various stages of grief over this pandemic and will continue to do so over the coming weeks and months. The enormity of the changes this will bring has only just begun to settle around the edges of my mind in the last few days. Beyond the actual virus and potential illness itself lies uncertainty I am beginning to uncover within myself. Humans are creatures of habit and change doesn’t always come easy to some. But, change is my middle name and all those changes that were thrust upon me in grief are tools for this toolbox as well.

Remember when you do have to go out...think of all that glitter you could be picking up. Keep used grocery bags in your car to use as emergency “gloves” for opening doors and pumping gas. Carry a container of your own wipes with you. And keep washing your hands...a lot. I have been reading rumblings they may be seeing evidence of the flattening of the curve which means the social distancing thing is working. Let’s hope so because there are a lot of hospitals already working at capacity.

Keep all the helpers in your prayers. They need us...now more than ever!

❤️

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 ESV

Day 10: Remember the Good Ol’ Days?

Thu, 26 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

A kitchen from long, long ago. Could you live like this again if you had to? Who will teach the skills to the younger generations who may want to learn them? I don’t see us returning to these times, per se. but we could sure stand to live a little less frenetically and lot more self-sufficiently.

When someone says “Remember the good ol’ days?” now, they could just as easily be referring to last month than 100 years ago. Remember when we could go out to the movies? Remember when we could eat at restaurants? I love reminiscing and looking at old photos like this one. It reminds me of what they called “a simpler time”. But was it, really?

Look at this kitchen. That stove didn’t get started with the turn of a knob. Someone had to cut, haul, and chop wood. They had to split kindling and stack it all near the back door. This was done every day or you ate cold food. With those boots under the stove, I’d say there are some hard working men and boys in that house and they eat a ton of food. That woman is cooking three squares and baking all her own bread and biscuits. She had to tend a garden, preserve the food, store it properly. Hopefully there are a couple of other young girls around to help with the washing and cleaning and all the other jobs on the farm.

I believe that is the family “washing machine” the woman is using. This must have been an incredible convenience item to relieve her of scrubbing heavy wet work clothes on a washboard. The water had to be toted from the well, stream, cistern, or spring. It had to be heated in large pots on that stove. She had to save up the ash from the wood stove to make lye. She also saved the lard from butchering and rendered it for use in baking, cooking, and making assorted salves and soaps.

That woman was the family doctor. She gathered herbs and medicinal plants, using knowledge handed down from generation to generation. She may have been the only midwife in a twenty mile radius. She milked the dairy cow out behind the barn...twice a day...and raised the cream to churn butter. Her sewing rocker is in the kitchen. Here is where she read her bible as the biscuits rose. She sewed and mended her family’s clothing to conserve them for longer wear. When they couldn’t be mended anymore, she cut them up and sewed the pieces together to make quilts.

There wasn’t a lot of socializing in this day and age. There might be women who gathered for a quilting bee or to throw a wedding or a funeral. A woman valued those precious moments she shared with other women. The children were sent out of the house after breakfast and they came home at supper time. They walked to church and the one room schoolhouse down the road....maybe miles away. Or, if they were really lucky, they might have a horse or two...or maybe even a wagon for when they needed to make longer trips.

I show pictures like this to my grandkids and they just stare at it like it’s an alien planet. I was looking at the woman in the picture. My first thought was, this is the grandma. And, it could be. But I wouldn’t doubt it a bit if that’s the mom. All that hard work and all those babies made the womenfolk age well beyond their years.

I would never call this “a simpler time” in regard to the work that was put in on a daily basis. Yet, compared to the manic hustle most people live with today, I would say it is simpler in many ways. I had to smile the other day. Daughter #2, who showed very little interest in learning anything “old timey” when she was growing up called to say this pandemic has made her think about her life and how she’s living it. She wants to raise a garden. She would like to learn how to be more self-sufficient. Her mama is SO excited by this!!! I sent her pictures of the Encyclopedia of Country Living and the Ball Book of Food Preservation. This is a common ground I have longed to share with my kids.

This pandemic is scary as heck. And it’s shaken many of us to the core. But, as I’ve been saying from the beginning, there will be gems in the flames of this. There will be great sadness, and there will also be great revolution. I hope we have awakened a sleeping giant.

❤️

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
Proverbs 16:9 ESV

Day 9: Kindness Changes Everything

Wed, 25 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Take a deep breath and be kind to each other.

If there was ever a time to be kind, it is now. Under normal, everyday circumstances the emotional climate would be highly individualized. These people happy, these people sad. These people stressed, these people relaxed. There would be clusters of people sharing the same emotions surrounding a particular event like a wedding, a death, a concert, a family gathering. Never in our lifetime has there been such a global group of people sharing the same emotional event at the same time. For those of us who can easily pick up on the vibes of others, this feels like having your brain in a frying pan set on high. Those of us who have gone through it know this feeling. It has a name. Grief.

Needless to say, everyone is living with a heightened set of emotions. We are all experiencing grief in a collective way. Whether you are fearful, anxious, filled with dread. Or resolved, determined, keeping calm and carrying on. All of these states of being are emotionally taxing and make burnout a very real possibility. This elevation of being can make us respond and relate in ways that are totally unexpected and unlike the person we really are.

That’s why we saw people getting in fights over toilet paper last week. It was crazy to us...but it was perfectly rational to those people who were in the moment. I think we all need to step back and breathe a little. Do a little meditation. Do a little yoga. Say a little prayer. Light a candle. Take a bubble bath. Drink a nice cup of tea. Go for a walk. I know I’m being repetitive here and I’ve said these things before, but I can’t reiterate enough how important it is to practice self care when you grieve.

If we burn ourselves out now, we aren’t going to have the energy to fight anything that’s coming our way. We need to be our healthiest selves. We need to focus on eating good, immune boosting foods. We need to avoid lots of empty calories like sugar and alcohol. We need to resist the temptation to zone out till it all passes over...immersed in junk TV and junkier food.

Above all, we need to practice kindness...to each other, and to ourselves. Kindness goes a long way toward soothing ragged nerves. West Virginia’s numbers doubled yesterday. And there’s a case in Wood County now, so it’s here. My stepson calls us every day to check in. He’ll pick up whatever we need and bring it out to us. We have two medical appointments...one tomorrow, one Thursday...and then we are home for a solid week. We are taking every precaution.

I find I’m not accomplishing what I thought I would do. I have yet to start stripping the wallpaper in the dining room. I haven’t started sorting through papers or getting rid of junk. I’ve been binge-watching West Wing with Mr. FixIt and staying to maintain social distance from the refrigerator. I resisted baking again today, but we have some rapidly browning bananas so I’m going to be forced to do something with them because I don’t want them to go to waste.

Here’s your helpful hint for today:

Just because the IRS has postponed the filing date to July 15th for federal taxes does not necessarily mean your state has followed suit. As a matter of fact, there are very few states that have. As of this writing, West Virginia has maintained April 15th. Since we have to file state, we might as well file federal at the same time. It’s my goal to get that done next week.

Here is a link to TurboTax with an explanation.

Hang in there, dear ones. It’s about to get bumpy...but we can get through this. Whatever your faith or inclination...be it prayer or good thoughts or positive energy...keep sending it. We need all the help we can get!

❤️

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”
Romans 12:12 ESV

#Hope, #Trials, #COVID19

Day 8: This Little Piggy Stayed Home

Tue, 24 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Be like this little piggy and stay home!

We had to go out again yesterday...this time to a doctor visit. The news was good...Mr. FixIt has a heart! And it’s in pretty good shape for a guy his age. After Losing Mr. Virgo to a sudden heart attack, and then Mr. FixIt had the stroke...I pretty much insisted they do a cardiac work up. We are breathing an even bigger sigh of relief over here.

The governor of West Virginia ordered us to “stay-at-home” beginning this evening. Except for the doctor, the emergency room, the grocery or pharmacy, gas stations, construction stores...you know, all the places we normally gone anyway. He even said it was fine to go to the state parks and go fishing! Other than restaurants, not much has changed as far as where we are allowed to go. What HAS changed is the going.

I was thinking about this yesterday. What is it about being told to do something, like stay at home, and the only thing in the whole wide world you want to do is NOT stay at home. BUT...have a busy week of running errands and having appointments and the only thing you want is to just have a day at home with no trips to town. It’s crazy. It’s like being told to take a nap as a toddler. Now I’d give up a lot just to take a nap!

Governors are resorting to this extra measure because just telling people to stay home wasn’t working. Because there’s an inordinate amount of people who think rules don’t apply to them. They are merely suggestions...more like guidelines, really. They say you can get a ticket if you’re out and about but I ask you, what good would that do when all you have to say is -I’m going to the grocery store-?

Daughter #2 is an anxious sort. She is so much like her mama in so many ways. I wish I could have given my kids anything but anxiety and depression. It is what it is. She called last evening and I recognized that quivering “I’m fine” tone of voice. So, I talked her down off the ledge and she felt stronger and more in control by the time we rang off. We talked about everything...from ways to conserve toilet paper to what was the name of that book you were telling me about.

We talked about making plans and writing them down. What do you want to accomplish this week? This month? Six months? A year? She wants to be more self-sufficient so she doesn’t have to worry so much. Good. Check with the City of Denver...can you have chickens? Look for used pallets you can turn into a chicken coop. You want a garden? Great! Start planting seeds in peat pots so you’ll have seedlings to plant when the weather warms up. Mark out where you want a garden and get your exercise spading it up.

We have to be proactive regarding our mental health during crises such as this. Just because we need to stay at home doesn’t mean we need to stay inside 24/7. Even if you only walk around your house or your building or down your block and back, getting some fresh air in the middle of the day does wonders for your spirits. Build a routine. Set your clock for mental health breaks. Drink a cup of soothing herbal tea. Play some music and sing along. Take a bubble bath. Draw a picture. If you sew, look up how to make masks for people since there is a critical shortage.

You might want to practice a little social distancing from your refrigerator. Packing on a few pounds during this quarantine won’t help your health and you certainly won’t feel better. Try on a pair of jeans every few days to make sure they fit. As my dear friend Deneene says, sweats or pajama pants will trick you into believing all is well in the kingdom. I was going to make an apple pie last night, but then I decided not to. We had already had two pies in the last ten days. I’ve been losing weight and I don’t want to put it back on. We can have treats...just once or twice a week, not every day.

Humans are a resourceful lot. We can figure out other ways to do things. We can make something out of nothing. We can recycle, reuse, repurpose just about anything. We’ve become pretty complacent in this life. I know I have. But, my years of reading Mother Earth News and the Encyclopedia of Country Living have been preparing me for a moment such as this. Some of us may not get through this. Those of us that do must take it upon themselves to apply the lessons learned so that we might not be caught so flat-footed next time. When I meditated on this last night, a thought came to me.

My friend Uma Girish was preparing to facilitate a group call when she asked her inner guidance what she should share. This is what she received:

“The virus is not the enemy. The virus is The Messenger.”

Yes...the virus can be horrifying. Yes...people can and will die. But it brings us a message...loud and clear.

Raise your head and look beyond where you stand so you might better prepare for what is coming.

Remember what is really important in this life.

Look at what we are doing to our world...to the environment. We are slowly killing it and now...it is rapidly attacking us.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Cause and effect. I don’t think it’s too late, but we’re going to have to make some big changes and we all know...while change is good, it is not always easy. Change, we must. We have no other choice now.

Maybe God’s just putting us in a time out so we can think about what we have done to the garden He gave us.

❤️

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:4 ESV

Day 7: Creative Social Distancing

Mon, 23 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

The flowering quince and forsythia are blooming outside our bedroom window. Mother Nature once again demonstrates life comes back.

Ok, we have been practicing social distancing for a week now. Well, actually...it’s been a month since Mr. FixIt’s stroke and we haven’t spent more than a couple of hours apart in that entire time. That’s ok...I am happy to be here for my sweetheart and take care of him to the best of my ability. I love him to the moon and back. AND...we get very close to standing on each other’s last nerve sometimes. Perfectly normal under normal circumstances. These are anything BUT normal circumstances!

We still have lots of doctor appointments and are considering our options as far as postponing. Some we may, some we really should not. However, we may have our dilemma decided for us if the offices call and cancel themselves. In the meantime, I’m going to get outside this week and clean out the camper so that I will have my little sanctuary to escape to. Also, if my Colorado girls have to bug out and come someplace safe where they can live off the land and be self sufficient, we may need the camper as alternative housing during this social isolation. We’re just keeping our options open.

This has truly been the weirdest week of my life...of all of our lives, I imagine. It’s like waking up in a George Orwell novel. I’ve been collecting little nuggets of wisdom.

Use plastic grocery sacks or doggy poop bags as “gloves” for opening door handles, handling money, and pumping gas leaving gloves for healthcare workers.

Try to avoid buying up the WIC items when shopping so that moms on WIC don’t have to go home empty handed. They cannot use their WIC coupons for anything but WIC items. Maybe they’ll change that temporarily, I don’t know.

Sing the Doxology as you wash your hands...it’s 20 seconds and you’ve praised God at the same time.

Have “the talk” with your loved ones about what you would want done should the unthinkable happen. It is not morbid...it is an act of love. Tell three people, and tell them who the other two are and that they should communicate in the event you become seriously ill.

Spend this time organizing your papers. Write things down...passwords, account numbers, important information. Write letters to your loved ones and stick them in a desk drawer.

I’ll write more as I think of them or run across hints that are helpful. In the meantime, Mother Nature is showing us that life does return. It is a promise.

Today’s Question:

Are you eating comfort food or trying to maintain a healthy diet?

❤️

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world."”
John 16:33 ESV

Day 6: Seeking Comfort in an Uncomfortable Time

Sun, 22 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Oatmeal is definitely a comfort food that’s good for you!

Mr. FixIt and I have a kind of rhythm. While I do most of the meal prep, we seem to take turns making breakfast. I’m the eggs and pancakes gal. He’s the maker of oats. Ohhhh, he makes the BEST oatmeal. We only use old fashioned rolled oats by Quaker. I like some chewy in my oats...not wallpaper paste. He uses a lite version of brown sugar that either has Splenda or Stevia in it...I can’t remember. He adds some cinnamon. Then, when we dish it up, we add whatever berries we have handy and a small handful of crushed pecans or walnuts. His gets a splash of 2% milk...mine gets a little bit of Half & Half. Perfection!

Comfort food is a go to when times are stressful. Currently we are eating our way through that blackberry pie I baked Friday night. We had pizza for dinner. We cannot do that all the time...but at the end of a long week that lasted a year, we deserved an indulgence. Without guilt.

We went to town yesterday to top off the gas tank on one of the trucks and to fill all our gas cans. West Virginia now has twelve confirmed cases of coronavirus...the nearest is one county over. Our governor came on last night to urge us to take action right now and ALL of us stay home. So many people aren’t taking this seriously and they only need to see Washington, New York, and Italy to see what can happen if you are not proactive.

One of the problems in rural areas is a general distrust of government. “Revenuers” were busting up stills in these hills long before I was born. Mountaineers are fiercely independent and don’t cotton to people telling them what to do. The fella who stopped to help get the tire off the truck the other day was a perfect example. I told him I’d shake his hand but I couldn’t because of social distancing and he rattled off a profanity laced diatribe about not being worried about any virus coming to get him. We just shook our heads as he drove off with his 24 pack of Bud.

We’ve decided to binge watch West Wing during our TV time instead of watching the news. I watch West Wing every election year. It’s comforting to know how it’s going to turn out. I love the cast and characters. And in the entire series, there was only one episode I don’t care to watch. That’s the one where the characters are being filmed as a documentary. I skip that one every time and I’ve binge watched the entire series at least 5 times.

Today’s Question:

What are you doing to combat boredom?

Be safe, dear ones.

❤️

“But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”
1 John 3:17-18 ESV

Day Five: Love in the Time of CoVid

Sat, 21 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Blackberry pie...sunshine in a slice!

Thankfully we didn’t need to venture to town yesterday. Instead, we took a drive over to the farm to check in. Oh...what an amazingly warm day it was. I actually saw the thermometer at 79! All was well at the home place. The daffodils are blooming as are the forsythia and the flowering quince. The irises are shooting their flat, sword-like blades out from the wet, awakening earth. As you drive out through the country, the bushes along the roadsides are gaining a green, ghostly hue as the leaves begin to form.

This is rockslide season and we saw evidence of several...one was actually encroaching on the road. The highway crew hadn’t gotten to it yet. It is supposed to get chilly again this weekend and then I wouldn’t be surprised if we stay in the high 50’s, low 60’s for a while. I don’t think there’s much of a chance of having another freeze this spring.

Speaking of spring, with all the madness going on in the world, I totally missed the first day of spring! It’s here...even though it is highly overshadowed this time.

I read something yesterday that someone shared. It was a letter to the humans from the vantage point of the CoVid-19 virus. It spoke of how we haven’t been paying attention. We have been so busy chasing after stuff and working to achieve a lifestyle that is unsustainable, that finally the earth broke. There were horrific wildfires and we looked on with morbid curiosity and counted our blessings it wasn’t us. There were deadly hurricanes and we sighed and looked on with a tinge of sadness at the devastation. Then our attention shifted elsewhere and the thoughts and prayers were replaced with the next thing in the news cycle.

We as a people are so self-centered. We look out for number one. Maybe, just maybe this virus swooped in to get our attention...to wake us up to the devastation around us. To how unhealthy the world has become. And if the world is unhealthy, WE are unhealthy.

I saw a picture of a mega freeway in Los Angeles. There were eight cars on it. I think someone said it hadn’t seen that little traffic since the Watts Riots of 1965. I commented that maybe Mother Earth is going to be able to catch her breath. Maybe the skies will clear. Maybe the sun will shine a little brighter. Maybe the waters will freshen a little. Maybe the pH in the rain will normalize and the fish will flourish.

Maybe the quiet stillness will give us time to stop the frenetic pace we have set for ourselves and we can really connect with our family members...even if it’s through a window or over the phone or FaceTime. I’ve already noticed more caring for each other. Children are checking in with their parents to see how they’re doing. They are offering to run errands or go to the store. Strangers are helping strangers.

This is a time like no other we have faced. But, our grandparents and great grandparents were called to war. They were bombed and food was rationed. They grew victory gardens and knitted socks for troops. All we are being asked to do is stay home. While the threat of the disease itself is terribly disconcerting, we can do things to help prevent the spread.

I’ve heard the youngsters say, “Ah, it’s not going to affect me. It’s just the Boomers.” Well, first of all, no. It’s not just the Boomers. They are finding people much younger than they first thought are getting sick and some seriously. And...who do you think those Boomers (and the generation or so after them) are? They are the doctors, scientists, financial wizards, farmers...the experts. The ones who hold the keys to a great deal of knowledge. Those who say they’re “just Boomers” had better learn a whole lot pretty darned quickly.

I’m having nightmares. I rarely remember dreams, but I’m having dreams of death and dying. Too much news. Too much information. I had to step back and stop watching as much of it. I have to limit myself to a half hour of news a day. Just to stay up to speed with any breaking news. To counteract the bombardment of bad news, I’m putting in twice as much good.

Yesterday, I baked a pie. I went to the farm and sat in my grandma’s chair. I did an hour of meditation/yoga on Facebook Live with my dear Earth Mother yogi friend, Sue in Colorado. I snuggled the kitty. I walked around our property with Mr. FixIt. I made BBQ pulled pork sandwiches for supper and pie for dessert. And I spent time studying my bible devotionals. It was a good day...even though the virus is creeping closer.

My God is bigger than any virus. He’s bigger than any of my stuff. When I remember who’s in charge here and how this story ends, even if I caught the virus and went to Heaven...I win. Because HE won...and I put my faith in HIM.

I will not be afraid.

You can watch my friend Sue’s movement meditation video here.

❤️

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”
Psalms 19:14 ESV

Day Four: Holy Cats...It’s Feel Good Friday!!!

Fri, 20 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

You can’t hide from “Feel Good Friday!”

One of the benefits of living in West Virginia is the rural nature of things makes social distancing pretty easy. After all...it’s what we’ve done for generations. It isn’t a big stretch for Mr. FixIt and me to hang around The Ponderosa or The Farm, but we do normally take several trips a week into town. We decided yesterday, the biggest change we’ve seen in our lives is not getting to dine out. I didn’t realize how often we eat meals away from home till that little luxury was taken away.

We had to make a trip to town yesterday. We got the estimate on the damage to the truck...to the tune of $3,000! Yikes! Thank God for insurance. Mr. FixIt had a doctor’s appointment. I was not allowed back with him. Have you ever accompanied a man to the doctor?

“So, how are things going?”

“Good.”

“Are you having any problems?”

“No, not really.”

“How’s that back pain?”

“About the same.”

“Is that new medicine I gave you last time helping.”

“I think so.”

“Any questions?”

“Nope.”

“Ok, then...you’re looking great! Let’s see you back in about three months.”

“Ok.”

?‍♀️

When Lorie told me I had to stay in the waiting room, I looked at Mr. FixIt and narrowed my eyes.

“You’d darn well better tell him everything!”

He’s a good listener...he was in there forever. And he came out and addressed every single thing I would have wanted checked.

What’s the message here? Oh...that he’s a grown man and can take care of himself in his appointments? Of course he can. Sheesh. But, that being said, men...no matter how diligent they are...sometimes forget the details of the conversation. Or they don’t quite grasp the subtle nuances of a new medication direction. Having a second set of ears helps tremendously, especially when they belong to someone who loves you. I also have the experience of sitting with Mr. Virgo and having him say no to every test our doctor wanted him to have and he was dead five months later. So, yeah...there’s that.

We went to Walmart to pick up some prescriptions and bought a new tire for the truck. It wasn’t very crowded and everyone was practicing social distancing. We didn’t hang around long though and we hightailed it back home where I prepared a sumptuous dinner of steak, broccoli, and baked potato.

There is always something to feel good about. For instance, yesterday Lester Holt told us to leave those boxes from Amazon outside for 24 hours because the virus can’t live that long on cardboard. He also said to wear gloves when you open the boxes because many of the products come from China. Why do I feel good about this? Well, I’ve been trying to cut down on my online (sometimes comfort) shopping and this is the perfect time. We can free up all those workers in the Amazon warehouses to focus on getting medical goods and critical supplies shipped and not have to worry about my books or batteries or what have you. And, I’ll be saving more money and who doesn’t need to be doing more of THAT right about now, am I right?

Another feel good thing...people are talking nicer to each other. At least, that’s been my experience these last few weeks. We are finally getting back a little of that “we’re all in this thing together” vibe and I don’t think it’s humanly possible to have my fill of that! Letting people in line in front of you. Standing back and letting someone have the first choice of a piece of meat...even if that means you don’t get the one you had your eye on. Texts and phone calls and “I love you’s”...these are the sweet sounds of compassion I’ve been yearning for so desperately the last few years.

I was telling someone yesterday that I listened to NY’s Governor Cuomo address the coronavirus on TV and he spoke so kindly. He was efficient and honest and came across as trustworthy and compassionate. When he spoke...even without listening to what he was saying...his voice was soothing, calming. He told folksy stories as a way to humanize this pandemic and allay our fears. I seriously felt my emotions well up in my chest and the sting of tears as I realized...we don’t hear enough of that. And we’re getting beat down because of it. Let’s not wait for the powers that be to be kind and compassionate. Let’s take the bull by the horns and do that ourselves.

This is exactly how we make THE WORLD great again. Because, all we’ve got is God and each other. And dogs. We’ve got dogs. Oh, and cats, and birds, and.......

❤️

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
Proverbs 17:17 ESV

Day Three: Expect the Unexpected

Thu, 19 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

First, you remove the spare tire from under the bed of the truck.

We picked up my truck from the mechanic on Tuesday. It was in the shop for ten days but it was fixed and didn’t cost an arm or leg. After breakfast yesterday and a quick update on the news, we decided to drive out to the farm for a little while. On our way, we were just getting ready to cross a bridge when three things happened...I looked ahead to the intersection to make sure no one was stopped, I glanced to my left at the empty campground someone set up just before the oil and gas business left town, and I caught a glimpse of a vehicle passing me in the opposite direction. I turned back to comment to Mr. FixIt that it was a shame that man didn’t set up the campground earlier when he could have made some money on it. Just then, we heard loud banging on the outside of the driver’s side of the truck and the clang of metal on the road.

I looked in the rear view mirror in time to see what looked like a four foot section of rebar go flying up behind my truck with one last smack on the side. It skittered down the road and I was so relieved to see there was no one driving right behind me. Immediately, the rear driver’s side tire started hissing air as I crossed the bridge and pulled into a convenience store parking lot.

Sure enough, the tire was giving off it’s final breath and the side of my truck looked like someone took a tire iron to it. It took a few moments to shake off the shock and try to figure out what happened. The best thing I can come up with is something fell off the truck that passed us and I ran over it. I didn’t see anything in the road before, but I was looking ahead and to my left so obviously I missed it.

Yes...I have AAA. But, you have to remember, we live in a town of a couple hundred people, we are in the midst of a national emergency, and it was fixin’ to rain. I didn’t really feel like we needed to call for AAA. That’s for times when Mr. FixIt isn’t around.

I set the jack up under the axle.

The first thing we had to do was get the jack out of the truck. Well, actually...the first thing we had to do was figure out where the jack is STORED in the truck. Trust me, it wasn’t apparent but we looked it up on YouTube (thank GOD we weren’t out of cell range yet...five to ten more minutes and we would have been.) Unfortunately, I STILL haven’t gotten around to emptying that truck of all my camping gear. I know...I figured if I just left it in there, sooner or later it would be camping time again, right?

I took stuff out of the back seat of the truck and we finally figured out how to get the jack out. I asked Mr. FixIt to let me change the tire so I would remember how to do it. That was one of the things my dad taught me when I was sixteen and I’ve probably only changed two tires my whole life. I wanted to know I could do it alone if necessary...and Mr. FixIt is wonderfully supportive in that.

I jacked the truck up till there was enough space under it to fit the inflated tire on.

I cranked down the spare tire under the bed of the truck and got it out. Man, it is REALLY heavy. I couldn’t pick it up, but I could scoot it along the ground till it was where it needed to be. I put the jack in place under the axle and got the truck raised up. I got the lug nuts off and Mr. FixIt reminded me to place them in the lid of the box the jack came in so I wouldn’t misplace any. Then it came time to remove the tire.

I pulled. I kicked, shoved, twisted, pulled, pried, pounded...nothing. That thing was frozen on there. A fellow came over and tried but he couldn’t make any headway either. Mr. FixIt tried...nothing. So, I gave in and called the guy from the garage where we picked up the truck on Tuesday because he just lives less than a mile from where we were. He came right down...with a sledge hammer. I told him I was really disappointed because I wanted to change it myself. He laughed and went to hand me the sledgehammer and we both laughed.

There was no way I could get that tire off by myself. Even the man who stopped to help and Mr. FixIt couldn’t budge it!

“Nah...that’s ok. I’ll just hand this job over to you.”

He got down under the truck and it took some pretty strong blows but it finally came loose. From that point, it wasn’t two minutes till the spare was on and the jack was out from under the truck. It took a little figuring, but we got the spare tire holder cranked back up under the truck, put everything back inside, and turned around. It wasn’t prudent to go out to the farm without a good spare. We stopped and filled the new tire with air and headed back home.

A few phone calls and the claim, an appointment for the estimate, and a rental car were all lined up. A hot bubble bath and I was good to go!

The enemy is pounding hard on all of us right now. But this was such an opportunity today. I got to refresh some skills I may need again down the road. I was in a safe place less than a mile from the help I ended up needing. I was fifty yards from the nearest air pump. My truck was drivable. I have a wonderful husband who supports my need for independence and courage. It reminded me of the worship song we sing in church.

“You took what the enemy meant for evil, and You turned it for good...You turned it for good!”

There are so many uncertainties right now and if we focus on that, things can seem so overwhelming. But as long as we are taking every precaution we can personally to stay safe, and we know we have God on our side, we can face anything that comes our way. Pray without ceasing for all of us. Be there for each other. Help in whatever way you possibly can while maintaining safety. And look for the opportunities this brings us...even if it’s just the opportunity to pray.

It takes a lot more than a national emergency and a flat tire to get THIS Girl Camper down!!!

❤️

“The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.”
Romans 16:20 ESV

Keeping our Distance: Day 2

Wed, 18 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

This is a time to look out for one another.

Honestly, our life here at The Ponderosa BCV (before Coronavirus) and ACV (after Coronavirus) isn’t that much different. That’s mainly because we are retired. I think we are affected more by Mr. FixIt’s continued recovery from his stroke than we are the global pandemic. We have been taking turns making breakfast. (He makes the BEST oats!)

Up until late afternoon, West Virginia was official the only state without a confirmed case of COVID-19. Governor Justice announce there has been on confirmed case over in the Eastern Panhandle. However, I have a friend from high school...a retired nurse. She says her son and daughter-in-law tested positive last week in Morgantown and it was never reported. So, who knows what’s really going on.

West Virginia runs 50th in so many things, it looks like we are running 50th in the number of tests being performed as well. You know it has to be here. All we can to is practice good hygiene and social distancing.

The garage called today and my truck was ready so we went to pick it up. While it took the guy a week-and-a-half to finish, it cost a third of what it would have at the dealership.

We watched the news together, but only to hear if there are more directives. I baked a pie with some blackberries from the freezer and made a casserole of pork roast, veggies and noodles. We are determined to eat through all the fresh stuff before it goes bad so we don’t waste a thing.

After dessert, I excused myself to write my post. I sat and thought about what we should talk about tonight. Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. Mr. Virgo loved St. Patrick’s Day. Just about every year, I had to go buy green food coloring at the last minute so the bar could serve green beer. These memories make me smile. However, Mr. Virgo was buried the day before St. Patrick’s Day. And that always makes me think.

He warned me before he died that bad things were going to start happening in this country. Things with politics, finances, and health. He said it felt like a rubber band was drawing too tight or like a balloon being overfilled. I don’t know if he had a premonition, or if it was just his love of history and world events that spurred him, but he was constantly telling me to be prepared.

I wanted to believe him, but it seemed so fantastical at the time. Still, his warnings have never left me and I do find myself more prepared than I might have been before. I have friends who have lost spouses in the last year....two in the last week. When I think back over the months after losing Mr. Virgo...it was so terribly difficult to cope. And that was in a stable world. I cannot imagine what these people are going through without their person. To try to navigate this AND actively grieve is an unbearable thought.

It doesn’t just take a death to trigger grief. You may be grieving the loss of security the COVID-19 virus is bringing to our lives. When things happen beyond our control, it can trigger grief reactions and PTSD. When I begin to feel frightened, I change my focus back to God and remind myself...no matter what happens here, He will never leave me. Even with that, I walk around with a little knot in the pit of my stomach. I take all the unknowns that I have no control over and put them in the God box and set outside the front door.

All in all, we are doing just fine. We’re just taking it one day at a time.

So, how are things with you in your world. Are you feeling ok? What are you doing with your time? How have things changed for you in the last couple of weeks? Let me hear from you...tell me how you're doing.

❤️

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

How a National Emergency has Changed our Lives

Tue, 17 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

May we never take things for granted.

Day One:

Slept in.

Read Bible Study, E-mails, FB, and checked blog.

Checked the weather and news online.

Had coffee and breakfast with Mr. FixIt.

Watched two game shows.

Ran to town to get milk & stuff for burgers for dinner. (Hardly anyone in the store. Well stocked.)

Drove to mechanic to check on my truck and get my gun case to bring home.

Got money out of ATM.

Visited with granddaughter and greatgrands.

Took the stitches out of the cat and let her run.

Ate a snack.

Took a nap.

Fixed supper.

Watched The Voice.

Retired to bedroom to write blog.

In other words...the national emergency didn’t change much of anything. Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t have visited with the kids, but they haven’t been anywhere but home because she’s a stay-at-home mom with two babies. At this point though...we have no plans for any kind of gathering...large or small.

After much discussion, we decided to cancel Girl Camper Camper College this weekend. None of us wanted to, but it was the prudent thing to do. We will gather later when things settle back down.

My shout out today is to the grocery store workers. When there were crazed crowds fighting over bundles of toilet paper, the workers kept their cool and plugged right along. Even when they were being yelled at for something that is FAR above their pay grade. I’ve seen videos of people fighting over toilet paper and seen customers screaming at grocery clerks and telling them they hope they die from coronavirus.

Here’s something I have learned from years of therapy. There is a very fine line between anger and fear. People jump into herd mentality, their fear begins to amp, they fight for what they perceive they need...in this case toilet paper. Their reptilian brain is telling them they have to be the alpha dog if they’re going to survive. So they grab the rolls of TP from the little old lady and shove it in their already over-filled cart. Angry. Spit flying. Over toilet paper.

That kind of anger comes from fear. I’ve seen it over and over in my time. Fear comes from being out of control and ill prepared.

I talked to the kids yesterday. I shared what a wonderful opportunity this is to do something amazing that can change the world. This couldn’t have come at a better time. We were beginning to forget what it was really like to be a good human.

Let’s do that...let’s be good humans.

And remember how sweet it feels when we get to do that first thing we didn’t get to do for a while.

May we learn to appreciate what we have.

❤️

“Let the elders who rule well be considered worthy of double honor, especially those who labor in preaching and teaching.”
1 Timothy 5:17 ESV

What Happens if Nothing Happens?

Mon, 16 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

This is what most of our stores looked like this weekend. It won’t always be this way.

We’ve been listening intently to the news. We’ve followed every story, listened to every nightmarish tale, seen and heard things we wish we’d never seen or heard. We’ve pillaged the stores in a way that would make a Viking proud. We’ve hoarded toilet paper, hand sanitizer, gloves, masks, and cleaners. Our pantries are stocked with everything from diapers to donuts. We’ve got every medicine available for every eventuality. The schools are closed. The stores are cutting back hours to give the staff enough time to restock. The hospitals are rationing supplies and making contingency plans for every possible scenario. And so...we wait.

We are socially distancing ourselves. We are staying home...away from crowds and germs. We are binge watching every series on Netflix that sparks our interest. We are learning new skills. We are putting away food and reading. We are checking in on those who might need our help. We are watching church online or on television. We are reaching out with phone calls and texts and, dare I say...handwritten letters.

And...we wait.

And wait some more.

What happens if...after we’ve waited and waited and sacrificed and been inconvenienced... What happens if...nothing happens? No big surge of disease. No drastic sudden influx of all these “hundreds of thousands of sick people?”

I’ll tell you what SHOULD happen. We should breathe a HUGE sigh of relief because it means what we did...WORKED. It means we flattened the curve. It means we sacrificed our usual routines and made the most of it and we saved countless lives.

I know there will be a bunch of us who do that very thing. We’ll high five and say “Well done!” We’ll thank everyone in healthcare and the service industries. We will do our best to boost up the mom and pop business that took a hit from the shutdowns. We will praise our health officials who made difficult and unpopular decisions. And hopefully, we’ll remember to thank God for never leaving us in our darkest hours.

If we have an ounce of forethought...a shred of decency...a touch of humanity we WON’T be that person who stands up and screams that it was all a hoax. That the whole thing was conjured up to throw an election or to make any one person or party look bad. That is petty. We must be better than that.

If we gain anything...just one tiny thing from this whole meshugas...it’s that we start looking for the humanity in each other again. We need to start finding love and kindness again. We need to remember...we may be different wings, but we’re flying the same bird here. Please, for the love of God...let’s turn something that’s potentially terrible into something that helps us see the divine in each other.

Let’s let the legacy of the coronavirus be compassion.

❤️

“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.”
Colossians 3:12-15 ESV

West Virginia: An Island in a Viral Land

Sun, 15 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Notice West Virginia is the only one that’s empty. There’s reasons for that.

I don’t know if you’ve seen the latest news regarding COVID-19 or not, but West Virginia has the distinction of being the last state without a confirmed case of this viral menace. We hillbillies are sitting over here thinking “Heck, yeah! We’ve been drinking water tainted with C8 all our lives. We’ve been mining coal and have black lung. We cut our teeth on moonshine and coffee. Of COURSE it’s not here!”

Yeah, well...not so fast. What that map says is “confirmed” cases. You can’t find a virus if you aren’t getting tested for it and, since West Virginia ranks 50th in most things, it’s only natural we wouldn’t be on the top of the list for getting truckloads of tests delivered. There are other reasons there is a hole in the map.

West Virginians are a solitary people for the most part. Our “social distancing” is created by hills and hollers and long, winding country roads. And, given the demographics, we are far less likely to participate in overseas travel...or much of any travel, for that matter. Except for the OBX and Myrtle Beach, the average West Virginian may not have traveled more than a couple hundred miles from home in their entire lives.

And, let’s be honest here. West Virginia is beautiful, but there is a reason game shows don’t give away trips to the Mountain State. We are mostly rural farmlands and mountains and, while there is a lot to do here, people are not beating a path to our door. I think we kind of like it that way.

The down side of this is, West Virginia is a poor state. Access to adequate healthcare can be difficult in rural areas. We are high on the obesity and chronic disease charts. Drug use and smoking are rampant. We’re low on the education and the income charts. But, I’ll tell you what we DO have.

We’ve got grit. Determination. We take care of each other. We pull together in times of trouble. These things go a long way in a crisis. Yesterday, as I was working in the kitchen, it occurred to me...

We know how to DO stuff. We know how to garden, raise animals, preserve food, build shelter, hunt for food. As my cousin Valerie said yesterday, “I feel like I’ve been training for this my whole life!” She’s right, you know. We have.

I grew up spending a great deal of time at my Grandma’s house. I learned how to can and cook by watching her. I got out of practice when I lived a cushy life in Colorado, but it’s like riding a bicycle...you never forget once you’ve learned. I was working around the house on Friday when my good friend Diane called to say the local grocery store was still well stocked, but at soon as folks from town learned about it, they would descend on it. So if I needed anything, I’d better go.

I’ve still had a few nagging thoughts that maybe we didn’t have quite enough to get by. The unknown factor here is just how long we may have to hunker down. And, what if the elderly people out the road need some soup or something? I really wanted to add a few things to our larder, so I made a quick trip to “the Pig.”

When I got home, I finally felt secure that we have what we need. Other than milk, we shouldn’t have to make a trip to the store for 2-3 weeks. That sounds good to me. I bought a couple roasts. I cut one up in cubes and put up ten quarts of vegetable beef soup. That’s always a good thing to have around. I have flour and yeast to bake bread if we need it. I got another large package of hamburger and divided it into portions for the freezer. I saved out enough to make a batch of taco meat. That is great in tacos and on salads and burritos. And, I baked a big pork roast. Just the roast alone will feed us for several days.

Jars of homemade vegetable soups are not only pretty to look at, but they’re packed with nutrients. Good to have around...in sickness and in health!

As I ladled the hot soup into jars, I thought of the younger generations. Unless they are raised in the country, they likely have not learned vital survival skills. When I raised my girls, I didn’t teach them these things because we lived in town. I didn’t think they would need to know how to raise and preserve their own food. And, hopefully they won’t. But at least they should know how to if the time should come and their lives depend on it.

I searched the internet for some good resources for those who need/wish to learn basic survival skills. Back when I was an avid reader of Mother Earth News and a wannabe farmer, I lived on two acres and had a huge garden. Here are a couple really good books I depend on when I need to know how to do something. And a website that deals with natural remedies. (Note: These are things I use personally. I am not a physician or an expert in the field of natural remedies. Any decisions to follow any of these recommendations are your own responsibility.)

The Encyclopedia of Country Living, 50th Anniversary Edition: The Original Manual for Living off the Land & Doing It Yourself

Complete Book of Home Preserving (400 Delicious and Creative Recipes for Today)

A Better Way to Thrive

This is a time of uncertainty. We can succumb to fear, or we can use this as an opportunity to hunker down and get some things done. Do a deep cleaning at home. It’s time for that spring cleaning anyway. Learn a new skill like knitting or quilting or canning. Get in touch with your faith. Meditate. Plow up a garden or prepare some big pots for veggies. Plant seeds in trays to grow your own seedlings for your garden. Paint a room...or two. Clean out that garage or basement. Gather things to be ready to donate them when you venture out again.

I read something yesterday that really hit home. @mattdpearce on Twitter posted:

“I imagine all the closures give people a sense of ominousness. But it’s really an amazing act of social solidarity: We’re sacrificing so we can give nurses, doctors and hospitals a fighting chance. Start from there and hopefully we can figure out the rest.”

If any of your people are in the medical profession, do whatever you can to help them. Check in on the elderly and infirm. Watch out for your neighbors. Let’s all be good humans.

I know it can be frightening when we feel out of control, so look for the ways you DO have control. Social distancing, self-isolation, and good hand washing. and all these other things I’ve recommended. Let’s flatten the curve!

❤️

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:19 ESV

Stroke of Luck or Gift From Above?

Sat, 14 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I don’t believe it’s a “stroke of luck”. I believe it is a gift from above.

As I sat in bed the other night with my little lap desk and my iPad typing this, I had the windows open. At 9:00pm it was still in the mid-60’s and the peepers were calling from the ditch by the road that borders our property. The house was quiet...my husband was off bowling with his buddies. On his own. We have slowly increased his independence and he’s started driving a little. It is a great relief for him to return to some normalcy. It is a great relief to me that he can.

I saw this meme the other day, and as is my wont, saved it for a future post. I am always looking for something that triggers a good story. This one reminds me of a prayer I prayed fervently for three years after Hubby #2 and I split up. That was such a convoluted mess. There were so many factors that went into the way that whole thing came down. Long term depression. An over abundance of far-too-available medications. A psychiatrist who was a really nice guy, but not a great doctor. Two people who were emotionally unavailable for vastly different reasons. Like I said, it was a mess.

When we finally extricated ourselves from this dreadful dance and got some distance, I went on a crusade to “win him back...no matter what it took.” Let’s just say, that was not the healthiest decision I ever made but it was what I desperately wanted at the time. I prayed this prayer every day.

“God, please! Fix my family!”

Over and over I prayed these five words. I’d get hopeful, then my hopes were dashed. Finally, after three-and-a-half years...I let go and moved on. It was a slow and arduous process and not one without pratfalls. But eventually I found my balance and began to love myself and my life. Then Mr. Virgo came along.

And, just like that it seemed...he was gone.

His untimely and sudden death drew my closest family and friends around me to offer solace and comfort. I remember gathering for a family celebration and Hubby #2 was there with his wife. We were alone in the kitchen. I think we were having tea.

“Isn’t it a shame that it took the death of your husband to heal our family?”

I was stunned and at a loss for words. In that moment, it occurred to me...God answered that fervent prayer perfectly. He did it His way...in HIS time. It wasn’t at all how I thought I wanted it at the time I prayed that prayer. But it turned out exactly how it was meant to be.

I don’t believe in “luck”. I believe in God winks...moments when it is (or becomes) clear there is divine intervention involved in the circumstances of our lives. Honestly, if I had continued in the direction I was heading and stayed with Hubby #2, I am positive you and I wouldn’t be sitting here together today. You would be reading someone else’s words and I’d be pushing up daisies.

As it turns out, I was not meant to be in that marriage anymore. I was meant to run across Mr. Virgo and have that time with him to grow more...into who I was born to be. I cannot say I was meant to lose him. I can say it was his time to go. There is nothing good in that kind of loss. But I would be lying if I didn’t say there were gems in those flames. Flashes of insight. Inspiration and the courage to write. I developed a much closer relationship with God. And Mr. FixIt and I crossed paths again.

Life is a funny thing. We are brought here for a specific purpose...each with his or her own special gifts. I am convinced my purpose in life is to use my writing to help others and lift them up. I believe our primary purpose here as humans is to learn to love like Jesus does. The tapestry that is created from all the colorful threads of life is a wonder to behold. Looking back at it from the far side is a marvel to my eyes. I hope that, when I am gone, these hundreds of thousands of words I have written will still be of some comfort to others...to my family, to my friends, and to those who walk through fire in this life and come out the other side, forged by the flames into something powerful and glorious. And, if not glorious...then at least left standing to carry on another day.

❤️

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”
Isaiah 43:2 ESV

Panic! At the Grocery

Tue, 10 Mar 2020 01:30:00 -0600

Don’t panic...use caution and common sense.

Yesterday was so great. It started out with an MRI that took for-ev-er but was really pretty easy, as far as those things go. Poor Mr. FixIt has claustrophobia so he has to be medicated to have an MRI. He wasn’t always like that. He has worked in a field where he needed to crawl into tight places to work and design better ways of doing things. But when he had an MRI, the technician told him to just yell if he had any trouble. He started getting panicky and yelled, but the guy didn’t answer so he climbed out of the machine. That was the end of that...it’s either meds or alcohol. Take your pick.

Out of all the things that frighten me, an MRI just isn’t one of them. Partly because I worked in the medical field for so long, I have a healthy understanding of how it all works. And partly because I am extremely good at creative visualization. I can picture myself anywhere else...clearly. As the MRI machine roared to life with that knocking and banging and whirring, it reminded me of that time I got to run a bulldozer. My cousin’s husband was building a cabin up on a mountain and had to bring his dozer down. (It’s called walking it down, even though you are driving it.) That was truly one of the coolest things I have ever done and I spent the whole MRI envisioning it.

I needed to have a lot of scans then they pulled me out of the machine, gave me an injection of Gallium (a mild radioactive substance mixed with iodine that made a bee-line for my thyroid to light it up), then they put me back in to finish the scan. The technician remarked that I was holding so still and I was so calm. She wanted to know my secret. I told her I was bulldozing the lot where we’re going to build our new house. She looked at me and laughed and told me she had never heard that one before. I’m sure not! I’m quirky that way. lol

When I was finally finished with the scan and we had a healthy breakfast in us, we ran some errands. One stop was Sam’s Club. We did our “prepper run” last week when we bought a bunch of meat and packaged it up for the freezer and a bunch of canned and dry goods for the pantry. I tried to buy some toilet paper last week but Mr. FixIt reminded me we had a full bulk pack we haven’t even opened yet, as well as several other rolls. He convinced me we didn’t need more.

But yesterday, he and I almost came to blows in the toilet paper aisle at Sam’s because I felt absolutely compelled to buy more toilet paper. His solid reasoning and calm demeanor finally convinced me to let go of the package, but ohhhhhh....I really, REALLY wanted to buy that and I couldn’t for the life of me tell you why. I just NEEDED it. Then, I came across this great article explaining exactly WHY I wanted to buy that toilet paper and I was reassured of two things. I’m not crazy. And, I have a very cool headed husband I need to listen to when the panic starts to seep in.

You can read that article HERE.

When we were finished shopping, we went to City Park and walked 1.25 miles. It was 72℉ out and sunny. What an absolutely stellar day! The spring flowers are just starting to bloom, the trees are budding, and I’ve even heard peepers. (Although, someone has put in a double wide on the lot next to our property. There used to be an old pond out there and they filled it in to make enough yard around the house. I’m so afraid that has wiped out a whole colony of my favorite little frogs.)

Home, played with the kitty, made a pot of chili and apple crisp, and watched The Voice. It was really a great day...and I didn’t succumb to the panic surrounding the Coronavirus. Just keep washing those hands!

❤️

“He sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction.”
Psalms 107:20 ESV

There’s Poor...and Then There’s Poverty

Sat, 07 Mar 2020 02:30:00 -0600

We’ve always thought of the POOR as being from other countries. More and more the POOR are living among us right here in America.

When I say we were poor growing up, compared to others we were doing just fine. Sure, we ate a lot of food from Grandma’s garden in the summers and took the canned jars home that she offered us. We had to make a pound of hamburger feed four...two of them male with hearty appetites. And my dad used to grow a garden on the empty lot out behind our house. I remember we would get half a beef and eat from the freezer for a year. We didn’t have a lot of extras, and we lived in a small, modest house in a clean, safe neighborhood...so we were actually pretty golden.

It wasn’t like my mom’s upbringing out on the farm in the post-depression poverty of the 1930’s. Grandma once told me, if it hadn’t been for the cow, her family of eight would have starved to death. They grew and canned their own food, had a cow and a couple of pigs, and grew a patch of sorghum for their only sweet...molasses. It was a hard life. Still, five out of the six went to college.

When I left West Virginia in 1973, I was a newlywed and just graduated from x-ray school. I headed out into the world with great hopes and joined my husband in England where he was stationed with the Air Force. I couldn’t work overseas without going back to school and we wouldn’t be stationed there long enough to even finish. So, we had a baby instead.

Living life in the military in the ‘70s wasn’t too bad when you were overseas because you got a stipend for living in a foreign country. When we got back home, though...that was a different story. We were stationed in Colorado where the cost of living has always been higher. We were lucky to get an apartment through HUD housing. It was brand new...had never been lived in. I felt like we were living high on the hog...even when we had nothing more than the barest essentials.

When Hubby #1 and I separated, I was still in HUD housing. The only difference was, I started receiving WIC and Food Stamps to supplement the small part-time job. It was hard to get a job when you haven’t worked in your chosen career since school and it’s been two years. I was lucky to find that one.

Eventually, things improved. I moved up in my career field, made more money, moved in with a friend and shared expenses. I remarried when Daughter #1 was five years old and Hubby #2 was in medical school. We struggled to make ends meet as I supported us while he was in school. We struggled as he joined his first practice. And then, things got much, much better and we didn’t struggle anymore.

I know I’ve been blessed by that union in many ways. It gave me Daughter #2 and it gave me the ability to buy a house when the marriage ended. When Mr. Virgo came along five years later, we joined our households and life was very good. I haven’t had to make a choice between medicine and food. I lived in a camper for three years after Mr. Virgo died because I WANTED to...not because I HAD to. There’s a big difference there.

Once I settled back in West Virginia, I saw much more poverty than I remembered growing up. I know ours is not the only state, but there are places here in this beautiful state that are struggling like third world countries struggle. My friend Diane sent me a video tonight that broke my heart. A single mom, trying to raise her kids in WV and what she has to do to bare get by. You can see the video HERE. She is articulate and on point and I think she should run for State Delegate and help fix this.

Unfortunately, poverty is the only “trickle down economics” that is demonstrable. It’s a family disease that gets handed down through the generations and it’s extremely hard to break out of the poverty cycle. I’ve seen it in my own extended family. It’s not the same world where Grandma fed her family with a cow and a garden. There’s an ever widening chasm between the haves and the have nots and it’s our children’s children who will pay the biggest price for it.

❤️

“"If your brother becomes poor and cannot maintain himself with you, you shall support him as though he were a stranger and a sojourner, and he shall live with you. Take no interest from him or profit, but fear your God, that your brother may live beside you. You shall not lend him your money at interest, nor give him your food for profit.”
Leviticus 25:35-37 ESV

It’s “Feel Good Friday”...Let’s Get Moving!

Fri, 06 Mar 2020 02:30:00 -0600

When your body hurts and you don’t know why, keep asking till you get the answers.

Three years ago, I went on a health improvement journey. I did great! I lost forty-five pounds or so. I got lean and strong and fit. I was eating clean and green. I could walk a flight of 176 stairs nine times without huffing and puffing. Mr. FixIt and I started dating. I did really well the first year keeping up with my diet and exercise. Then, winter set in, I started knitting full time, and my dear friend Janine said, “Write your book! You can knit at the book signings!”

That motivated me to sequester myself and write like crazy. The byproduct, besides a nearly finished book was...a bigger behind from sitting and writing and eating. Those of you who know the yo-yo diet sequence understand how hard it is to jump back on the bandwagon when you’ve fallen off hard. I was feeling defeated and discouraged but I didn’t have much time to sit and cry about it. 2019 was one of my busiest travel and writing years I’ve ever had.

One of the side effects of letting your health take a back seat is, things sneak up on you on quiet stocking feet. They tiptoe in and sit down. You hardly notice they’re there till enough of them come and pretty soon, you’ve got a LOT of things going on. Mine started with a sharp pain in my left foot at the base of my middle toe. Gradually it moved on down toward the little toe. Then, it moved to my left calf muscle. It felt like I had torn the muscle in half. The next day it would be gone and my right foot would hurt. Eventually it was my left hip, then my right elbow, then back to the left foot. It was crazy!

My doctor sent me to a podiatrist, but I didn’t go till after the big camping extravaganza was over. I had an MRI, x-rays, lab tests. Nothing. No one had answers and I stopped talking about it because I figured it must be in my head. When Mr. FixIt had his stroke a couple of weeks ago and my blood pressure shot up, I thought I should make an appointment with the nurse practitioner to get it checked. It had been twenty years since I had any trouble with BP and I just wanted to make sure it was just stress related and would go down...or need treatment.

The nurse practitioner asked me what kind of stress I was experiencing. I told her about Mr. FixIt, and the busy travel year, and all the writing, and the pain. Her ears perked up.

“Pain? Where? How long have you had it?”

I pooh-poohed the whole thing because, seriously, what could possibly cause pain that migrates everywhere on a daily basis. She insisted on the details so I told her, but I was still dismissive. She said there are indeed things that can cause just those symptoms and she ordered a whole barrage of blood tests. Sure enough, there are some things out of whack. We still have to do some more tests, but on a preliminary basis, it looks like something going on with my thyroid. I need an MRI and they’re sending me to an Endocrinologist...a doctor who specializes in the endocrine system.

In the meantime, I’ve been back on track with my diet for the last three weeks. No sugar, no gluten, intermittent fasting, and pretty much whatever I want to eat. I’ve lost about eight pounds already. We are both eating much, much better and I am following 99Walks...the program app that Girl Camper has teamed up with. It’s a membership walking program with teams and goals and rewards. I’m also keeping a food log on MyFitnessPal...another app I use daily.

While I was searching for a feel good story for today, I came across Joan MacDonald. Joan was 70 years old and 200 pounds. She looked like me...grey hair, tired eyes, sallow skin....in other words...unhealthy. Joan’s daughter is a fitness trainer and yogi and she begged her mom to take charge of her health and turn things around. I watched my own mother fail physically and refuse to change things. I won’t be that way. I have SO much to be here for...I’ll be darned if I’m going to go out prematurely...unnecessarily.

Joan has given me a big shot in the arm. This isn’t vanity...this is an emergency. This is “Get it together, kiddo! You’re failing here!” It’s time to get serious, stay serious, and be the best I can be. Because...today? Today is the youngest I will EVER be again! How many “todays” do I have left? Check out Joan’s story HERE.

Let’s get up and go, my friends! It’s not only “Feel Good Friday”...it’s also “Fitness Friday!”

❤️

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”
3 John 1:2 NIV

Shake Your Can

Thu, 05 Mar 2020 02:30:00 -0600

Wake it up and shake it up and change this world for the better!

Last Sunday, our Pastor delivered another wonderful message. This time he was talking about how we can get flat and stale in our faith after time. We can become complacent and go to church simply to be fed every week. We can get comfortable. We may think, “I’m saved...I’m good. I don’t need to _________ (fill in the blank...serve, share, invite, get involved). We can do that, of course. But, we could be so much more if we just shook things up.

If we wake it up and shake it up, God’s light in us will be so much brighter when we carry it out in the world. And, heaven knows...this world needs all the light it can get! The Pastor used a great visual. He had a can of soda in his hand when he asked a woman from the front row to come forward.

He showed the woman the can.

“Are you afraid of this can?”

“No,” she said.

He started shaking the can violently and poised to open it in front of her.

“How about now?”

The woman laughed and took a few steps back.

“Yeah...I’m afraid of it now!”

He made his point. The enemy doesn’t pay us much mind when we’re being complacent and doing enough to get by. He isn’t afraid of us. But shake us up and see what happens. That gets his attention because the last thing he wants is for us to be all up in it.

You wanna make a difference in this world?

Get up and shake your can!

❤️

“Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?”
Hebrews 1:14 NIV

The Sky is Falling, The Sky is Falling

Sun, 01 Mar 2020 02:30:00 -0600

Do any of you remember being quarantined as a child?

***sigh***

Fear mongering is rampant in this day and age. Good night nurse...you can’t turn on the TV without seeing horrifying stories about everything. Every. Darned. Thing. It’s really beginning to get to me. My blood pressure is high enough from the stress of Mr. FixIt’s episode last week. I don’t need to see the horrors...real and imagined...being played out on every channel with a signal.

I remember the first time I had an inkling we as a society were being manipulated by the media. I remember the first time I realized the internet was a double-edged sword. I’m not pointing fingers because I know there are bad actors on both sides of the aisle. We are responsible for researching and verifying as best we can and make our own decisions based on what we learn.

The coronavirus is the current topic of interest for this news cycle. In time, it will be something else. A story is “ridden” till people are bored with it then a new story is the “it” thing. It astounds me how quickly things spiral out of hand.

I’ve survived polio till the vaccine finally came out.

I’ve had measles, mumps, chickenpox, and scarletina and survived.

Do any of you remember being quarantined as a child? I was in 1st Grade when I got scarletina. Our home was quarantined...with the note on the door and everything. The doctor came to my house to check on me a couple of times. I remember i was very sick and he gave me a shot. I didn’t go to school for a couple of weeks.

I’ve survived Hong Kong flu, Asian Flu, SARS, H1N1, the Cuban Missile Crisis, Y2K, Haley’s Comet, the end of the Mayan Calendar, AIDS, and the various predicted dates of the Apocalypse that have come and gone.

The nonsense that is going around astonishes me. Some people aren’t eating Chinese food for fear of contracting coronavirus. Some people are boycotting Corona beer because they think that’s where the virus is coming from. OY.

I texted Hubby #2 the other day. He’s an internist with 34 years of practice under his belt. I asked him what his take was on the coronavirus. He said usual precautions. And stop watching the news.

The usual precautions are:

Wash your hands...well and often.

Avoid crowds in closed in areas for a while.

Don’t touch your face, nose, mouth or eyes.

Don’t share food utensils or drinks with others.

If you have symptoms, don’t go to work or school. Wear a mask. (Research is finding walking around town with a trendy little face mask isn’t really adding much protection to keep you from getting the flu but if you HAVE it, it can keep from spreading it to others.)

Wipe down counters and common areas with sanitizing wipes or use a water/bleach solution.

Use hand sanitizer if you don’t have access to soap and water.

And...wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands!

This isn’t a political issue, but it’s being made into one. EVERYTHING is being made into a political issue this time around. I’m not going to jump on anyone’s bandwagon. I just want the truth. And it’s getting harder and harder to find. It drives me batso!

Anyway...try not to get overwhelmed by all the hype and use your common sense about any viral outbreak.

Oh, and did I say to wash your hands???

❤️

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
Proverbs 17:22 NIV

When You Know It’s Time

Sat, 29 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

Being alone in the world and staring death in the face takes great courage.

She grew up poor as a church mouse but didn’t know it. She took in every stray cat there was within a country mile. She fiercely protected her brother with the stutter and the lazy eye. She walked a mile to catch the bus for the 40 mile round trip to school. She got a college education because that’s what her parents insisted of all of their kids...poor or not.

When she got her teaching degree, she moved to San Diego...alone. She worked in Cleveland when there were still separate drinking fountains that said “Colored” on them. She never understood why. She married a tall, handsome young man and they lived in Washington, DC. She worked in the first Head Start program.

She was bright, neatly dressed, incredibly vain about her weight. When her husband’s heart forced him to retire early, they bought his grandparent’s farm and she worked in the country school down the road. She never had children of her own. She said she had 30 new children every year...she didn’t need more.

When her husband died unexpectedly in the middle of the night, she was stymied that she was so educated but had no idea how to perform CPR. And he was gone. In typical fashion, she pulled up her bootstraps and carried on. Two years later, she was having lunch at the country club when she caught the eye of the handsome man across the room.

She soon married the hospital administrator and settled over on his farm not too far away. He didn’t really want her to work. He liked having her around. He loved to fish in Canada in places you could only access by plane. He sold his cattle every year to pay for the charter that took them to remote lakes. She was disciplined and exacting and so in love with this tall, dark man.

He found out his cancer was back in the spring of 1990. He wasn’t up for the fight again. He figured his number was up and he’d see how it played out. By August, he was gone. When you spoke to her about him, she would get wistful and her eyes would get misty. She said she wished she could have met him first. He was the love of her life. Once they buried him, she never went back.

A few months later, she moved over to her mother’s farm to care for her and that same brother she had fought to protect when they were children. She was the kind of woman who was used to giving the orders. When she said jump, people jumped and asked how far on the way up. She wasn’t up for small talk. She was an incredibly hard worker. She once painted the entire country church...inside and out...by herself. Because there was a young couple getting married.

Her mom passed and she stayed on to care for her brother till he, too, died peacefully in his sleep while she was upstairs reading. That one nearly broke her. She had been his champion. She had cared for everyone. And now, for the first time in her life, she was truly alone. She stayed in her mother’s home, living a simple frugal life. The weeks turned into years. She found herself staring down the abyss her life had become. Yet she didn’t move. Finally, it became apparent she was nearing that point she was going to need help herself.

That’s where I come in.

She’s my aunt. The one I left Colorado to come help. She and I were oil and water. I knew that. But she had no children...no one to come help. And she had done so much for everyone, I felt an obligation to be there for her. For those of you who followed me at the time, you know how it went down. It was great for the first month. I worked hard on the farm...cutting and hauling brush, cleaning and fixing up the house. I did the laundry and shopping and cooking. Then winter set in.

We are both strong, independent women. And it wasn’t long till we were standing on each other’s very last nerve. She unceremoniously invited me to leave at Christmas and that set me out on another couple of years on the road with my camper. While I was living at the farm, we had a talk one day about nursing homes. She said, when she felt it was time, she would just pack up her bag and go over to the Minnie Hamilton Clinic and sign herself in. I had to explain to her that wasn’t how it worked. You had to be on a waiting list.

Three years ago, my aunt got so bad she couldn’t live alone anymore. Her brother came and took her home with him and I came off the road to live on the farm. My uncle was already taking care of his wife with dementia when my aunt began to slip into her own. His wife passed the day after Mr. FixIt and I got married. He has faithfully cared for his sister all this time, but it’s taking it’s toll and they had the talk.

In a lucid moment, she agreed it was time to go. She has recently been diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. She’s eighty-eight. Even though she loses herself more often, she still knew it was time.

When she and I were doing that dance on the farm, we didn’t know she was slipping into dementia. I’ve never known someone in the early stages. It can look like something completely different. We had always butted heads. But she lost her filter and I took it personally. I learned a lot from that experience. I gained a level of empathy and an appreciation for the power of confusion.

So, now she’s going to need to settle in. She did well the first night. The next morning the doctor woke her up and she attacked him with her walker. She’s a pistol alright. When they asked her if she wanted to be resuscitated, she got right up in their faces and said, “No way...I just want to waltz my way out of here all natural like.”

I have no doubt she will.

❤️

“Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.””
James 4:14-15 NIV

Grief Ghosting: 7 Things That Might Help You Feel Better

Thu, 27 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

Being “ghosted” during grief only adds to the pain and loneliness.

Ghosting. It’s really more of a millennial term used when a less than mature individual chooses to end a relationship by simply ceasing all contact with the person they were dating. SO 8th grade. Unfortunately, it also adequately describes what happens when widow(er)s find the people they thought they could count on suddenly nowhere to be found. It’s a thing. It happened to me and I’m sure, grieving or not, it’s happened to you at some point.

The first time I experienced grief ghosting was when I was going through the divorce from Hubby #2. Someone I thought was my absolute bedrock forever and ever BFF just...disappeared. I will have to give her credit for eventually telling me she “chose to surround herself with healthy people so she could no longer be my best friend” so I guess she didn’t totally ghost me. But it was pretty devastating.

In the interest of owning my own “stuff”, I wasn’t being the best of friends to her either. I was seeking information about my estranged husband and calling her about a gazillion times a day after essentially “ghosting” HER as a result of a long term depression. I just kind of popped back in when I came out of it. Like my husband...she had moved on.

I’ve heard from so many people who have been grief ghosted. Whether it’s their siblings or their friends or even their own kids, being “abandoned” in our time of need is pretty darned brutal. It is so easy to get caught up in hurt feelings and angry retribution in times like that. Here are some ways I helped myself get through the secondary grief that came when I was ghosted.

Prayer/Meditation - Learning to seek God for comfort instead of looking for it from other people was a huge awakening for me. Prayer was meditative and allowed me the space to calm down and not be quite so reactionary.
Reading - One of the single most useful books I read in that time after my breakup with Hubby #2 was The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. Agreement #2 is “Don’t take anything personally.” Nothing anyone does is because of you. It has everything to do with the other person...who they are, where they are in their journey.
Therapy - There’s no shame in talking with a trained professional to gain some perspective on whatever issues you may be facing, no matter how old or “mature” you are. Talk Therapy and EMDR helped me immensely with many aspects and stages of my grief.
Exercise - Getting out and walking every day took my mind off the fact I felt so abandoned, on top of the abandonment of the loss itself. It allowed me to focus on my breathing and feel my body as I moved it. The exercise itself lifted my mood by releasing “feel good hormones” which helped immensely.
Joining In - Joining a walking group (I use 99Walks.fit now for a sense of belonging to a team). Taking a class. Volunteering. Signing up for a Bible Study. Call the local hospital and see if they need volunteer “baby snugglers” or the local animal shelter to see if they need dog walkers. Engaging is far superior than isolating and eating tubs of Ben & Jerry’s.
Forgiving - This is the best thing you could ever do for yourself when you’ve been ghosted. Truly offering forgiveness from your heart helps free you from the extra burden of feeling abandoned by friends or relatives.
Take Names - No, not an accounting of the wrongs being done to you. I’m talking about writing down the names of those people who say “call me”. (If any of them are ghosting you, take their name off the list.) I made sure I rotated through the list so I wasn’t leaning too heavy on any one person and “wearing out my welcome”.

Making new friends isn’t easy, but there are so many ways to do so...even if you can’t get out of the house. Facebook can be a thorn in my side, but there’s a group for everything there. And I’ve found a ton of support on Twitter in a relatively short amount of time. Grief Ghosting isn’t a pleasant experience to be sure. But, fortunately, there are things that can help you work your way through it.

❤️

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:38-39 NIV

Sighs of Relief

Wed, 26 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

I went back through my photos to find a picture of an OBX sunset. Dreaming of our next vacation...and thanking God we get another chance!

When the sun went down yesterday, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was sitting in the truck in front of Walmart. After a few days of laying low at the house, Mr. FixIt was ready to get out and about a little bit. We drove to town and went to Kohl’s to get him a new belt. Then we went to our favorite diner for an early dinner. At 5:00, we drove to Walmart and the phone rang. I had a conference scheduled to discuss my brother’s care in Colorado. (He’s doing well, by the way. Just aging, as we all are.) As I was listening to his caregivers’ reports, two things happened. First, my daughter called and I had to let it go to voicemail. Then, Mr.FixIt said, “I’m going on in. I have my phone.” And off he went.

It was all I could do not to tell those on the line that I had to go. I took a deep breath and told myself, “He’s a grown man. He’s fine. You can’t (and SHOULDN’T) watch him every minute. Give it to God and mind your business.” I turned back to the call and when it was finished, I breathed a sigh of relief.

I called my daughter back. She got the job she wanted! Just seven minutes from home, and gives her an opportunity to learn new things working in horticulture. Plus, there are three “work cats” there. She’s pumped. My little introvert can snuggle kitties and make pretty things grow. Pretty perfect. I breathed a sigh of relief.

I moseyed on into Walmart and found Mr. FixIt pushing a cart up and down the aisles, shopping as usual. I stood at the end of the aisle, his back to me, and felt the tears sting the back of my eyes. “There he is. He’s fine. He’s doing what he does best...living and breathing. He’s ok.” I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

You often don’t realize how long you’ve been holding your breath till you let it go. I know I can’t control any of these things. And I know worrying about any of it is absolutely fruitless and not what I’m supposed to be doing. Yes...I’m a sister. And a mom. And a wife. How can I NOT have concerns? I offered up a quick prayer of thanksgiving, walked up to that sweet man of mine, and planted a big kiss on his still slightly numb lips and smiled.

“Did ya miss me?”

“Of course I missed you!”

***smile***

***sigh***

❤️

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28 NIV

The Running of the Bags

Thu, 20 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

I’ve shared this photo before...it shows I’ve always been a “creative organizer”.

You’ve heard of “The Running of the Bulls?” Well, every year about this time, I participate in the running of the bags. I have got to be the world’s most disorganized person. Every year...every single year...I swear that THIS year will be different. And every year, I write this same post.

I’m pretty good for a few months. I keep track of things, I file papers where they belong, I download transactions and balance my checkbook. Then somewhere around June, life starts getting busy and things start going to heck in a hand basket. That’s when the tote bags come out of the closet.

One by one, the tote bags fill up with important papers, package inserts, instruction manuals, greeting cards, phone charging cords, receipts...you know, the flotsam and jetsam of life. This was especially a problem this past year because I was gone a full four months and Mr. FixIt was left the unenviable job of taking care of everything around here on his own. It was a lot to ask, and he did a great job.

I was home alone yesterday while Mr. FixIt helped our grandson and his family move. I took advantage of the time to dig into the sacks of detritus one the hunt for my new debit card. It will expire at the end of the month so I had to find it ASAP. I spread piles of papers all over the living room...sorting and tossing and organizing. The card wasn’t in any of the bags.

I sat back and asked God to refresh my memory. I suddenly had a flash...I went back to our bedroom and lifted a sweater that was folded up and laying on the safe. And there it was...a small stack of mail I had moved off the bed when I was cleaning in there last month. I had totally forgotten it was there.

As I wound up my work for the day, I decided I’ve been going at this all wrong. I’ve been beating myself up, year after year, for being so disorganized. Then I realized...I was perfectly organized. I had every paper I needed all in one place. I had the opportunity to go through it and place it all in neat piles that can now be filed away. And now, everything is fresh in my mind for doing taxes. I’ll count that as a win!

See...it’s all a matter of how you look at things. If I look at it with a self-denigrating attitude, then I feel bad about myself. I feel inadequate and disorganized and lazy. But, if I look at it as keeping all the important things in one place so that when it’s time to do the important stuff with them, I’m on top of it. That makes me feel accomplished and capable and resourceful.

We aren’t all gifted with a staff like Martha Stewart. We aren’t all capable of keeping color coded files all neat and tidy, day in and day out. Some of us are distracted by the sparklies. That’s what makes us interesting, right? I’ll keep working to become better at this because organization is actually biblical. I’ll also be a little nicer to myself when I don’t measure up to my own expectations.

❤️

“But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.”
1 Corinthians 14:40 NIV

The Dragon Slayers and The Heroes

Wed, 19 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

We are all dragon slayers...striving to face each new day bravely!

Every day there are dragons to slay. Whether it’s climbing your way up the corporate ladder like an executive or working three jobs waiting tables as a single mom. Slaying dragons isn’t altogether “easy” as this meme intimates, but it makes a valid point. The heroes are the ones who slay the dragons and get up the next day with the intestinal fortitude to put on their armor. THAT is not easy.

Take my Uncle Bud, for instance. He took care of his wonderful wife all through her descent into the netherworld of Alzheimer’s and did it at home. My Aunt Viv was only in the hospital a week or two before she passed. My other aunt, Uncle Bud’s sister, was living with them by this time, on her own journey into dementia. He came home from the funeral and continued to care for his sister...even when she could no long walk on her own and he carried her from room to room. A change is coming there now and he will get some much needed rest before long. He is my hero...the father that I never really had.

There is my friend, Sean. Her husband Greg came down with a virus...fever and aches. Within two days, he was airlifted and placed in ICU on a ventilator in a medically induced coma. I never found out if it was the flu...but reading Sean’s journal on Caring Bridge have me firmly convinced. She is a hero. She would be the first to tell you it is GREG that’s the hero. He’s had the hard work of healing and coming back.

There is my friend, Sharon. As an independent woman supporting herself, she worked hard her whole career and was finally forced into retirement by a pretty significant health issue. a chronic illness, surgeries, broken bones...she has done it all and still has an RV that she travels in when she can. She recently sold her house and moved into a new one with less grounds to care for. She is a hero.

There is my cousin’s daughter who struggled through several pregnancy losses and finally had a baby...a little boy with a hole in his heart. He’s doing fine...but he will have to have surgery. Keeping him healthy, keeping her six year old occupied, caring for a herd of cattle ready to calve anytime, and putting in a greenhouse all at the same time. She gets up every day and puts on her suit of armor and slays the dragons in her life.

There is a friend of mine...another flu victim with a grim prognosis. Her family stands beside her, praying and hoping and begging for healing. They are slaying dragons right and left...every minute of every day.

We are ALL dragon slayers. And whether we feel like we are heroes or not, if we get back up every day and love the world and hold up our swords...we are indeed heroes to somebody. For me personally, I let Jesus fight my battle for me...he can hold up a sword like no other!

Keep standing, mama. Keep fighting, dad. Keep working dear ones. You are so loved!

❤️

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.””
Joshua 1:9 NIV

Self-Care & Sunshine

Tue, 18 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

So, I just took down my tree and February is nearly over. Don’t judge! lol

I’ve noticed something about the last two winters. Last year, after spending the month of January knitting every day, I sequestered myself in Big TOW-Wanda for the entire month of February writing my book. I noticed two things. First, the winter seemed to fly by because of my immersion in writing...and in spending so much time in my happy place. The second thing I noticed was an uptick in my social anxieties when travel season started. Getting out and doing things led to that old uncomfortable fear I’ve felt all my life when I have to go out into crowds of people and fulfill the expectations of others. It took a few months to desensitize myself from the isolation of being such a homebody all winter.

This winter has been drastically different. I never stopped running all year. I was gone four months, I drove everywhere, I traveled to thirteen states, my daughter got married, I started a new position with Girl Camper opening a new OH/WV Chapter as well as a page on their website, I was the brand ambassador for the charity raffle trailer, and we got two new great grandbabies. Honest to goodness...I haven’t had time to breathe and I certainly wasn’t socially isolated this year. Therefore, I am not feeling those old familiar rushes of anxiety when I face certain social situations. I think I’m onto something here.

I’m beginning to look at my life more holistically. I’m reminding myself everything is interconnected. My diet and exercise will affect my emotional as well as my physical wellbeing. I’ve been chasing this rather nebulous pain in my feet and legs for the last several months. I quite by accident found cutting out gluten and sugar affects that as well as any depressive symptoms of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Combine that with keeping too busy to think about it and this has been a comparatively easy winter. Granted, again we had very little snow and only had limited days that were truly bitter cold. That helps, too.

Another thing that helps is leaving our Christmas tree up late. I actually just took it down yesterday. I shoot for Valentine’s Day or thereabouts to take it down these days. I love the extra light and sparkle the white twinkle lights bring into my world. Why would I want to get rid of that? So, yesterday I took down my Christmas tree. And in eighteen days, we change to Daylight Savings Time. I’m not depressed. I’m motivated and enjoying life, walking and eating right, and keeping just busy enough.

We went to the farm yesterday and took the Christmas decorations down out there as well. We swept up dead ladybugs and fed the birds. A feral cat left us the gift of a dead vole on the back porch. The daffodils are up about five inches. With the leaves down, you can see several new deadfalls up in the woods. The sun was shining and it was nearly 60℉. When we got home, Pumpkin was waiting for us at the door to the building. When she hears our truck, she waits till we pull in the driveway then runs and jumps in the cab with us for a snuggle.

Our life has an easy rhythm to it now that we’ve been married a while. It’s all good here on the ranch.

❤️

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Philippians: 4:11-13 NIV

Meet Me in the Middle

Sun, 16 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

Meet me in the middle...privately...not on social media. Let us find our sameness.

I wrote yesterday about life being simpler when we didn’t know what we didn’t know. As I pondered that message, I contemplated how the same sentiment applies to politics. Perhaps the whole nature of the political experience has changed because I’m older and more aware. I know the social fabric of our nation seems to be unraveling at the seams, even though there is still goodness and kindness in the world.

I avoid political discussions on Facebook like the plague. Then I saw something that crushed me. It was a photo of a friend of mine doing something that totally shocked me. No need to go into further details. I was hurt and confused and disappointed. But, instead of instantly lashing out as seems to be the modus operandi anymore, I went into quiet contemplation and talked with God about it.

I’ve been praying a lot about our country and those we elect to represent us. And I’ve been asking God to help us all to meet in the middle...to help me open dialog wherever I can...to separate the politics from the person and see them as fellow citizens and not the enemy. After an hour or so to absorb what I saw, I went back and thanked her for opening the door to polite civil discourse. That is what our country was designed to do.

My country grandma taught me my vote is my own. No one needs to know who you vote for. You owe no one an explanation. Later, my friend and I had a chat privately. We assured each other our love for one another has not changed because of our differing political beliefs. That’s the way it should be. Enough of this “us vs. them” stuff.

Be a GOOD HUMAN first. Then be a Republican or a Democrat or whatever is your leaning. Show some respect. Be honest. Have morals. Value integrity. Show empathy. As I contemplated this, I was led to the following scripture:

“Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. “If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.”
Isaiah 58:9-12 NIV

I shared this with my friend. She will see it through her lens. I will see it through mine. That is the nature of the Bible...it is the living word and speaks to us where we stand. But we met in the middle and held each other in kind regard. There are forces at work on every side trying to divide this country. I am reminded of the phrase... “United we stand, divided we fall.” They weren’t kidding.

As I was writing this, a friend shared a video. A thousand strangers came together at midnight...Christians, Jews, and Muslims. It took them one hour to learn “One Love” by Bob Marley and it’s a beautiful thing to hear. I know we can’t solve the world’s problems sitting around singing songs.

Or can we?

Watch the video here.

❤️

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.””
Mark 11:25 NIV

Taking a Stand Against Bullying

Sun, 09 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

Take a stand against bullying of any kind.

Burger King recently released an anti-bullying video and it really hit home for me. It shows a young boy getting picked on in the fast food establishment and very few adults came to his defense. However, when the kitchen staff “bullied” their burgers, there were plenty of people standing up and demanding an un-assaulted sandwich. The dichotomy was remarkable.

I think it would be a rare thing to find someone who has never been a victim of bullying. There is a certain amount of teasing and hazing that goes on that is brushed off as kids figuring it out. And, it’s far too common that childhood teasing becomes a malignancy that spreads and causes great harm. From tender children to endangered seniors, no one seems to be immune from it.

It needs to stop.

My earliest memories of bullying came when one of my mom’s cousins babysat my brother and me. I was incessantly tormented by her teenagers and often was bruised...internally as well as visibly. I found it impossible to stand up for myself as I was so small and they were so big. The bullying I experienced at their hands certainly made me more empathetic to others.

In the summer of my twelfth year, Mom let my brother and me stay home by ourselves while she worked. We were under the watchful eye of neighbors, as we all were back in the early ‘60s with stay-at-home moms in every other house. There was a boy in the home above us who heckled my differently-abled brother on occasion, but never within my hearing. One afternoon, I was carrying laundry out to hang on the line when I heard him teasing my Bubby. Fire went through me and I was out that door like a shot.

I snuck around behind the boy and just as he opened his mouth to call out nasty words about my sweet handicapped brother, I came up behind him and gave him a swift kick in the seat of his pants. He shot out between the hedges and rolled headlong down the bank to the sidewalk below. Bruised and bleeding, he got up and looked around for his attacker. I stood there, all of 70 pounds, hands on my hips and fire in my eyes, glaring down at him...daring him to say anything.

He called out, “I’m telling my mom!”

I said, “You go right ahead! And if you ever do anything like that again to anyone...ESPECIALLY my brother...you’ll get it twice as hard from me! Do you hear me???”

He ran off, and no one ever bothered my brother again. I wish I could have stood up for myself so well but for some reason, I never could.

As an adult, I am always watching for signs of bullying. My older daughter had her mama’s chutzpah and did well at taking up for herself. I don’t recall ever having to step in for her much. But Daughter #2 was a target and I often had to go to the office or talk to a parent when things went too far.

Taking a stand in public with strangers takes a different kind of bravery. In this day and age, you don’t know who’s carrying a weapon or who might become violent if confronted. Still, I stand up to bullies. Mr. FixIt will tell you. I intervene whenever I can.

I’m happy to see more companies stepping up and addressing bullying because in the current state of our country, there seems to be much more bravado in that regard.

Everything boils down to living like Jesus. We cannot tolerate bullying and live like Jesus. I won’t tolerate a bully...I don’t care who it is.

❤️

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”
2 Timothy 1:7 NIV

Creating Angels and Finding Compassion

Fri, 07 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

Always seek human kindness...no matter what. It’s out there.

The other day on Facebook, my dear friend whom I’ve never met...Uma Girish...posted about CONTROL. She spoke about how we struggle and manipulate and force ourselves and others and justify it to ourselves with statements like “I’m just trying to look out for everyone.” Or “If I don’t do it, no one will.”

Uma posits there is a better way. To trust the universe (in which I substitute the name of God and from this point on...I am paraphrasing her words to meet my faith) to manage your life. The energy that creates worlds knows how to handle your world.

He is not pushy, God. He will not force His way into your life. He waits...ever so patiently...for you to take your hands off and say, “Please, take over.” He waits for you to let go.

When you lean back, God has permission to lean in and unleash his magic.

Where do you need some help in letting go?

This was my response...

“I have found myself criticizing my sweet husband. We married late in life and it’s hard for me to remember he and I do things differently at times. I am practicing leaning back and learning from him instead of forcing my will on him in an endless, nonproductive power struggle. I pray on this a lot. My husband’s light shines brighter when I don’t try to be the sun.”

“My husband’s light shines brighter when I don’t try to be the sun.”
Ginny McKinney

This is so true in any relationship...well, in any interaction, really. You needn’t travel far to see and feel derision in what used to be civil discourse in society. We have reached a new low where we have lost the empathy to see the humanity in others who believe differently than us. Somewhere, somehow, we have gone off the rails and dismissed those with drastically different views as subhuman.

I stumbled across this TED talk last night as I prayed through the ether to “bring me the words”. God always delivers when I let go and ask for His help. This talk was given by a young man who has been the subject of bullying because he is gay. As he was reading the hurtful, ugly comments directed at him, he began to click on the profiles of the bullies and looked at them as humans. Humans who were taught different values than him. Then he did something extraordinary.

He reached out and called some of them...those whom he felt safe talking to. And they had conversations. He started every conversation with “Why did you write that?” Along the way, he learned much about the other person. He saw some of their own hurts and how those hurts had formed opinions and shaped their worlds.

As the young man states, “Empathy isn’t endorsement”. It doesn’t mean you are going to pick up the banner of the other and abdicate your own set of values. But what it DOES do is this...it lets you see the humanity in each other and that is something sorely lacking in this Era of Anger.

Right after his video, another began. A lovely British woman “of a certain age” spoke about marriage and how the hurts of the past can drive us in the present. I loved what she had to say about words...how they can heal...how they can kill. This is what we have been studying in “I Declare War” by Levi Lusko in small group from church.

Words. We can create angels with them.

We’ve hidden behind screens and that has given a false sense of bravado. It has dropped our shield of kindness and empathy. It has unplugged the filter that keeps us from being our best selves. This is nowhere more evident than in the political arena today...on either side. And if this is the example we are setting for future generations, I cannot see that it will improve in any way.

CONTROL. Everyone wants it. Truly...only God can ultimately wield it. Letting go of the illusion of control and seeking kindness, goodness, empathy, love, hope, joy is the only way to live a life that is not driven by toxic stress. When I tune into the wrong speaker, my stress level shoots through the roof. When I search for the information I need to know and leave the rest and take action based on my beliefs, I take the power away from the angry pitchman and put it back into God’s hands where it belongs. And this is what lifts me back up.

I can ill afford to nap away this nightmare. I have to strike a balance between informed citizen and running off screaming into the night. It’s not easy finding that balance, but peace of mind...every little bit I can find...is the only way to preserve my mental health in this day and age.

And now...since this is “Feel Good Friday”, I want to share this video with you.

This demonstrates pure compassion and fills me with hope. Hope. Because, dear ones.....please, please believe me when I tell you....

There is SUCH goodness in the world. Please, don’t forget that. Please don’t let the media make you think there is not. Just go out and look for it...and build on it. Nurture it and let it grow.

❤️

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:32 NIV

Boys Don’t Make Passes at Girls Who Wear Glasses

Wed, 05 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

“Giving in and getting new glasses.”

I’ve worn glasses since 7th grade. My first pair were black with very narrow lenses like the popular “granny glasses” of the ‘60s. I remember how remarkable it was to actually be able to SEE. Mr. FixIt remembers the same thing with his first pair. We were both raised in homes without a lot of expendable income and for some reason...glasses seemed to be a luxury we could ill afford.

I remember feeling self conscious in them. The old “boys don’t make passes” comments didn’t help my self-esteem one bit. I was socially awkward anyway...add anything that drew attention to my perceived weaknesses and I wanted to crawl under a rock.

I went to see the eye doctor Monday. I was thrilled I don’t have any evidence of the glaucoma that my mother suffered with. Her sister is nearly blind from glaucoma so I am most relieved. I do have mild dry eye which isn’t surprising the amount of time I spend in front of a computer screen as well as taking antihistamines every day for allergies.

I knew my prescription had changed. It’s been three years since I was last tested and I told the doctor I could actually see better at distance than I ever have. She said that is not uncommon because of the relaxation of muscles as we age. However, the opposite occurs to close up vision and mine has changed quite a bit. New glasses it is!

I strolled through the optometric area at the eye clinic. I so want to be bold with my glasses choices. I love the models I have seen with their wild gray hair, their amazing sense of fashion, and their bold glasses. But, try as I might, I kept coming back to the old standbys...rimless bottoms that open up and compliment my face and let my eyes shine.

Creature of habit or life in the safe zone? Doesn’t matter...it’s all about comfort for me. I can’t wear fragile glasses because I have little ones that inadvertently kick me in the face. And, seriously...what kind of fashion statement is truly necessary for a woman who rides a lawn tractor and pulls a camper? Function before style...all day long!

Besides...Mr. FixIt still makes passes when I wear glasses. And that’s all that matters to me!

❤️

“And then GOD answered: “Write this. Write what you see. Write it out in big block letters so that it can be read on the run. This vision-message is a witness pointing to what’s coming. It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait! And it doesn’t lie. If it seems slow in coming, wait. It’s on its way. It will come right on time.”
Habakkuk 2:2-3 MSG

What Really WAS Super About the Super Bowl

Tue, 04 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

“The rising of a phoenix is always inspiring to me.”

I made a dismissive comment yesterday about the Super Bowl halftime show being “stupid”. I didn’t realize at the time what a brouhaha the halftime show was on social media come Monday morning. My comment came mostly because there are so many other things all that money could go to that would benefit so many people in need.

I am not going to get into all the political discourse over the performance because I honestly was snuggling babies and just barely watched any of it. That being said, I do have a little trouble with the whole dichotomy between protesting sexual misconduct and flaunting sexuality in front of millions. I say this as I watched my little great granddaughter “shake her booty” as she watched the screen. The messages we send are being absorbed by little minds.

Aside from that, the final minutes of the game were exciting and I loved watching Andy Reid getting dowsed with the celebratory shower of Gatorade. He’s worked long and hard for this and it was wonderful to see him in that moment.

None of that really interested me. There was one performance that was perhaps overshadowed by all the hoopla and that one was my favorite.

Demi Lovato.

Hers is a story of the phoenix rising from the ashes. Her struggle is ongoing and real. And here she was...standing in front of the crowds...in front of millions watching online....once again doing what God made her to do.

Sing.

I was so proud for her. I know from personal experience how hard it is to come back from an overdose. The judgement you face. The criticism. The sense of disappointment felt from others. The sense of disappointment in yourself. There are choices you have to make...constantly. It’s a struggle to pull yourself up by the bootstraps. It isn’t easy to lean into God for the help you need to be successful.

So, yeah...I’m not a big football fan. And I think there’s a lot of wasted money, time, and energy when it comes to the Super Bowl. But my hat’s off to Demi Lovato for showing us how it’s done...with grace and humility.

God Bless You, Demi.

❤️

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.””
Joshua 1:9 NIV

A Lover of Books

Sun, 02 Feb 2020 02:30:00 -0600

There’s nothing like a stack of books waiting to be read...even if you never get to them. They’re art!

When I went through the massive purge and downsized before I sold the Colorado house, the most difficult thing to part with were my books. I love books. I love the feel of paper between my fingers...the sound real paper makes when you turn the pages...the smell of a library or used book store. It’s one of the coziest things in the world.

Books are our friends when we are lonely. They never leave us or act snotty. They don’t care what we look like. They never judge. It took me weeks to sort through all my books. I purged, then purged again...and finally whittled my collection down to a barest minimum. It wasn’t like I owned collectible first editions or anything of any real value. But, still...they were MINE.

You can get just about any book in electronic form so it’s not like you’re going to miss out on anything if you don’t have a massive library at home. And, there is nothing like having a little stack of books by your bed waiting to be read. I have so many books on my Kindle, but I find I rarely read them. I like the real deal.

One of the books in my stash that I never got around to reading was “The Girls with the Grandmother Faces.” I just loved the title of that. It is what it says it is...a book about the musings on life over 55. The author, Frances Weaver, went back to college at the age of 59 and became a writer. My “college” was pulling a camper, but I truly became a writer at 59. So, this book’s premise speaks to me.

I never got around to reading it, and it’s been so long now I can’t remember if it made the cut or if I’m just remembering the cover. I ordered another copy yesterday. Because, I am one of those girls with the grandmother face now. Lots of wrinkles and spots and...hopefully...wisdom. I want to explore that.

I had a wonderful day yesterday sitting in the camper for eight hours at the mall, talking to the myriad people who came by to have a look. I met some of the nicest folks and talked to some fun gals about Girl Camping. I hope to meet them at one of our events this year. When I got up yesterday, camping season seemed SO far away as snowflakes literally the size of a tennis ball came drifting down and dusting the ground. It was beautiful but...meh. I’m over it already. Bring on the camping season!

It was also Mr. FixIt’s birthday yesterday. We are celebrating today by hosting a Super Bowl party this evening. Hip, hip, hooray!

(By the way...today is a palindrome. 02-02-2020! ?)

❤️

“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”
Hebrews 4:12 NIV

The Making of a Family

Thu, 30 Jan 2020 02:30:00 -0600

What Makes a Family a Family?

Before I get into this subject, let me first get something straight...I adore my children and their families. I love my exes and their spouses and their kids. I love my new bonus family as my own. And, I’ve got to tell you...the bonus family is easier. Let me explain.

I always wanted to be the kind of grandma that everyone would flock to my house. We’d bake cookies and I’d fix their favorite meals. They’d drop in for visits...just because. We’d have barbecues in the summer and big family gatherings at the holidays. It would be comfortable and we’d be a close knit family.

Then...I battled with depression for the better part of ten years when my kids were growing up. The medications I was on altered my personality and I really didn’t care about anything or anyone. I was essentially medically checked out. Then came the overdose and the horrible aftermath of that.

It’s been twenty years since then. We’ve done a lot of healing and we all get along fine now. Economics and my desire to live in my home state again took me away from my Colorado family and I don’t get to spend as much time with them as I did when I lived there. They have busy lives and we don’t get the chance to talk on the phone nearly as often as we would like. I know much of this is in my head, but I feel like I try too hard to be “extra” to make up for the rough times I put them through. They tell me it’s fine and they love me...it’s water under the bridge. They always want to do things with me when I’m there. I know it’s totally self imposed, this feeling.

I’ve been enjoying this really easy relationship with my bonus family here in West Virginia and it’s made me consider why. Why would it be easier than with my own flesh and blood? As I meditated on it last night, it occurred to me why. I have never hurt these people. I’ve never disappointed them. I’ve never let them down. They know me only for who I am in this moment...who I am in this new life that I have created for myself since Mr. Virgo died.

I also received a flash of insight when I thought of the difficult relationship I had with my own father. As an adult, I kept trying to draw him into conversations that would offer me some healing from the emotional abuse he inflicted on us. He would always say, “Can’t we just enjoy now and not dredge up the past?” I needed some kind of closure...he needed to enjoy the life he’d built for himself after divorce. His new life was easier than cleaning up the messes he left behind. I am proud of myself that I did the work to clean up my own.

I imagine I am not alone in this. I also imagine it could be just the opposite with some people and they feel the awkwardness with the bonus family and not their blood family, whether it’s real or imagined. I guess my point is this...all families create their own inner dynamics and are as individual as fingerprints. One cannot compare one family to another. One can only do the best they can. And hopefully do even better when they learn and grow.

I miss my Colorado kids something awful. I am so blessed to be able to go and spend a good long time with them on my late summer trips. Still, I won’t look a gift horse in the mouth with these bonus kids. One can never have too many people to love, right? Maybe one of these days I’ll get the whole family together in one place and they can all meet each other! That would be so much fun!

❤️

“This is my command: Love each other.”
John 15:17 NIV

When Addiction is a GOOD Thing

Mon, 27 Jan 2020 02:30:00 -0600

“My new background on my lock screen. Please feel free to save it and use it on your own phones.”

Whooooo...church was on fire yesterday! Pastor Justin talked about addiction. We are addicted to SO many things. We’re addicted to needing people to like us. Just look at how people cling to the number of “likes” on that selfie they posted to social media. We’re addicted to TV, gambling, smoking, eating, NOT eating, exercise, shopping, pornography, alcohol, drugs...heck, we’re addicted to OURSELVES. We’re just that important.

In 1 Corinthians 16:15, the King James Version states members of the house of Stephanas have addicted themselves to the ministry of the saints. It is the one and only time the word “addicted” appears in the Bible. The Latin origin of the word addiction means a “giving over, surrender”. It has only been in modern times that addiction has come to be known in a totally negative light in relation to evils best avoided.

What does it mean to be “addicted to the ministry of the saints”? What does that look like? It’s the difference between just DOING something...and being ON FIRE for it. You can go to church...most Sundays. You can read the Bible...when you’re not too busy. You can refrain from gossiping....except when it’s just too good to pass up. Or, you can be so addicted you crave more of God. Being addicted to the ministry means you go to bed thinking about how you can better serve, you wake up thinking about reading your daily devotions, you offer up prayers during the day in a running conversation with God.

I’ve noticed I’ve fallen into a bad habit. I was reading the “Bible-in-a-Year” plan in the Bible app on my phone. About two months ago, things got busy with the holidays and fixing up the bathroom and getting home from the big camping trip and I stopped reading it. Then, I stopped reading any bible verses in the mornings. I still read at night, but not in the morning. And I have noticed negative repercussions from it. I’m shorter tempered. I’m not quite as full of grace. I’ve felt it...but I needed to get that “God-sized” kick in the rear.

A reader commented last week about going to the Throne before the phone. That really resonated with me. Then yesterday, Pastor talked about the addictions we face that don’t serve God. I have a friend who is an artist so I went on his page and found a photo of a cross on a church in the sunset and saved it on my phone. Then I used my editing app...Over Pro...and created a background for the lock screen on my phone. Now, when I reach for my phone every morning as I always do...I’ll see this message. Thank you, KB! And thank you God...for the gentle reminder!

If you care to, you can watch Pastor Justin’s message here.

❤️

“I beseech you, brethren, (ye know the house of Stephanas, that it is the firstfruits of Achaia, and that they have addicted themselves to the ministry of the saints,)”
1 Corinthians 16:15 KJV

Recruiting Allies

Fri, 24 Jan 2020 02:30:00 -0600

“Recruiting allies in a disgruntled relationship is harmful to all involved.”

When Hubby #2 and I hit the final skids of what had become a hopeless mess of a marriage, we each heavily invested ourselves in the gathering of allies. We trash-talked each other...not only in person, but among our friends, family, and community at large. Anyone who might choose a side were fair game. It’s no wonder so many people retreated and left us BOTH alone.

The one area I drew the line was talking bad about each other in front of the kids. THAT was off limits. It occurred for a while initially, but soon was nipped in the bud as something that was not only painful and unpleasant, but it was downright destructive and unfair to the children.

When you are in the throes of a painful divorce or major upheaval in any relationship, recruiting allies is a thoughtless way to self-soothe. “Misery loves company” but hindsight being what it is...I’d much rather have had the company of others because they genuinely care about me and not because I tried to split loyalties.

We were talking in small group last night about controlling our thoughts. I know I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time, but I sure wish I had been more “enlightened”...more “mature” when we went through all that. I know it would have been easier on me and my family.

We all have situations where we may not like someone, but rallying the troops against them isn’t healthy in the long run...for anyone involved.

❤️

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”
Philippians 4:8-9 ESV

LISTEN...Do You Hear That?

Wed, 15 Jan 2020 02:30:00 -0600

If you get too far away from the Signal, you can’t hear the Words.

Yesterday we talked about selective hearing loss. How sometimes it behooves us to be a little deaf. There are plenty of instances in which NOT listening can improve our lives. Not listening to God is not one of them.

You know when you are on a trip and you’re listening to the radio? You find a great station and for a while, you hear it really clearly. Then, the further you get away from the radio signal, the more static and white noise comes from the speakers.

Listening to God is like that, too. We get too far away from Him and we can’t hear Him clearly anymore. But, if we lean in and really listen, our frequencies align and we can hear Him calling to us. We can have conversations with Him. It’s all He has ever wanted from us really. Just to walk alongside us, hold our hand, and have a nice conversation.

We’re too busy. We’re too scattered. We’re spread too thin. And what if we DO hear something we think can only come from Him? Is this from God? I mean, I think it is...but, is it REALLY? We don’t often feel WORTHY to hear from God personally. He’s a Dad, though. Yeah...He’s a Dad who happens to be King of the Universe...but he still knows who you are. He knows your dreams and your desires.

Last month, I happened to catch a story on the local news. They have a new studio At WSAZ and have added an hourlong talk show before the news where they report special interest stories. When I saw that, I sent up a silent prayer and asked God to get me on that show so I could talk about this Raffle Trailer and the Girl Campers and the OH/WV Chapter.

Yesterday, I got a call from a friend in Huntington who is an RV Dealer. She had just gotten off the phone with WSAZ and they needed someone to come to Huntington to be on the show.

THE show!

Wow.

So...God and I are taking a road trip to Huntington today, with the camper, to record a couple segments for the show. If you’re in the viewing area, try to catch it at 4:00PM on Thursday. I’ll see if I can get a link and post it for you here.

I’m no more special than the average schmo on the street. I don’t have some sort of privilege or the number of God’s “back line”. I just stand close...and listen. And when I hear something, I obey. If I am wrong, I made a mistake. It’s a new day tomorrow. I just keep listening.

❤️

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”
Revelations 3:20 ESV

B.A.L.D.

Tue, 14 Jan 2020 02:30:00 -0600

Sometimes you just have to be a little deaf...on purpose. (Photo by Three Lions/Getty Images)

I don’t watch much television, but I do like to catch CBS Sunday Morning with my coffee before church. Sometime over the holidays, they interviewed Jennifer Lopez. The singer/actress has come a long way since the “Jenny From the Block” days. She was poised and elegant and spoke with the confident wisdom that can only come from age and a broken heart or two along the way.

She told a story about meeting Ruth Bader Ginsburg. During their conversation, Jennifer asked RBG what her secret was for a long and happy marriage. The octogenarian smiled and said...

“Sometimes you have to be a little deaf.”
Ruth Bader Ginsburg

I grinned. I knew what she was talking about. It’s taken me a long, long time...and four husbands...to begin to learn this. Husbands and wives don’t think the same way, don’t you know. We spend our lives exasperated that they don’t speak our language and they spend their lives trying to figure out the best way to stay out of trouble.

I’m in a totally different place in my life now. I’m in a relationship where I can honestly say what I feel for probably the first time in my life. I have to constantly remind myself that...just because I think it or feel it and have the room in this relationship to say it, doesn’t mean I actually HAVE to. So, rather than revert to not saying what I feel...I try to be B.A.L.D.

Be a Little Deaf.

Let’s face it...men can say and do what we think are the dumbest things. It doesn’t mean they ARE dumb. It just means they think differently. When Mr. FixIt says something I know to be...or even THINK to be wrong...I don’t have to correct him or argue with him...every...single...time. Yet, I do so...way too often in the last month or so. Lately, when he says something I don’t agree with, I’ve been trying to ask myself... “Do I have to try to be right all the time?” The answer is no. Especially when it comes at the cost of the other. And...as hard as it is for me to admit...I’m NOT always right. Go figure.

Take for instance, last night. Mr. FixIt came into the bedroom when I was writing this.

“I think I left my phone out in the truck.”

“Do you want me to call it for you?”

“Would you?”

“Sure.”

Ten seconds later, his phone rang...in his pocket.

?‍♀️

I could have said something like, “Seriously? You couldn’t reach in your pocket and find your phone?” That isn’t helpful to anyone. Instead, we just laughed at the absurdity of it. It’s the only way to make life fun and not full of aggravation and hurt feelings.

It’s not just Mr. FixIt, either. It’s my kids, or the guy on the phone, or the clerk at the store. When my “crap titer” is too high, my fuse is too short. It’s making me take a good solid look at myself. There is a fine line between “confident crone” and “crotchety curmudgeon”. “No one likes a know-it-all,” said every mama...ever.

I’m trying to tell myself to be a little more like Ms. Ginsburg and be a little deaf. Not only will it make life easier for those around me. It’ll make life easier for me, too.

Gosh...I’m glad to be back. I really missed this!

❤️

“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
James 1:19-20 ESV

When God Tells You to Do Something...DO IT!

Mon, 13 Jan 2020 02:30:00 -0600

“When a Resolution becomes a Revolution”

Here I am. It’s Monday. It’s been two weeks since my self-imposed schedule change here on the blog. And, ever since I made the change, my inner being has been in an uproar. Like static electricity on the radio and I couldn’t quite make out what was being said. It was driving me buggy.

Over the last two weeks, I’ve stopped and gotten still and listened. I’ve prayed about it. And I wasn’t getting anything. It seemed as though my direct line to the Holy Spirit had been disconnected and I didn’t like it one bit. Still...I persevered. I’d made a decision, after all.

Then, yesterday at church, I had one of those remarkable moments that is so God-driven that I kept laughing out loud during the sermon. (Good thing it’s a really contemporary service and there’s a lot of interaction during services.)

I love it when I get those Instagrams from God...when He shows you a very clear picture and speaks to you through the Holy Spirit and it’s clear and real and unmistakable. The sermon was about being good.

“Being good is good, until it’s not good enough anymore.”
Pastor Justin Enoch - Warehouse Church

Pastor Justin gave the example of the invention of the telephone. There was the crank on the wall and the party line. It was good, but it soon became apparent that it wasn’t good enough. There was the wall phone, then the cordless phone, then the portable phone in the bag, then the true cell phone, then the many incarnations of that till we got to the smart phones. And the smart phones will be good...until they aren’t good enough anymore.

We can be good. Just good. Good enough. Or, we can go the extra mile, do the extra work, and bring God’s greatness through us into our works. And THAT is great! Pastor Justin reminded us we all have greatness within us. We all have the ability to do great things. We all have a calling. God has given each one of us a gift and a purpose and a personal directive. Will we pick that up? Or will we settle for just good?

I suddenly had a revelation. I set myself a resolution for the first of the year when what I needed was a REVOLUTION! Do you remember the story about me sitting in church and getting the message that I had to put scriptures in my posts? God gave me a purpose...a job...and I obeyed. Then I eventually got a little burned out and overwhelmed and I decided to step away. I’m glad I did, because it has given me clarity, which opened me up to be able to hear...THIS was my assignment. THIS is my ministry. THIS is my blessing. THIS is my opportunity to share what God does for me.

It’s the REST of the writing that needs to be second place.

So...here I am. I’m back. I’ve rediscovered my purpose.

I really missed being here with you all every morning.

Thanks for waiting.

❤️

“that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him,”
Ephesians 1:17 ESV

Seeking Comfort in an Uncomfortable World

Tue, 31 Dec 2019 02:30:00 -0600

“Travel brings me comfort in an uncomfortable world.”

Well, dear ones...this is it. The last day of the year. The last day of a decade. And oh...what a time it has been. At the beginning of it, I was happily married to Mr. Virgo...living in Denver and not much liking that part, except for being in close proximity to my children. Not that I got to see them much. I was very focused on my husband and didn’t see past the end of my nose. A major regret.

Three years into this decade, my life stopped when Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly...and I set out to create a new life with a new me. I sold the only home I had ever owned on my own. I made some bad decisions...but I’ve also made some good ones. I’ve driven tens of thousands of miles. I settled into and lived in the home of my heart on a beautiful farm that’s been in my family for nearly ninety years.

I’ve connected with some really wonderful people, and reconnected with people I’ve known for a lifetime. I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words as I poured out my grief and my heart and my love into the ether sphere. I married a man I initially set eyes on when I was six years old.

I gained people. And...I lost people I loved dearly.

I totaled a truck and escaped with nothing worse than a small brain bleed that left me struggling to remember things for a couple of years, which filled me with fear. This last year, things finally started to fire on all cylinders in my poor noggin and I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time.

I’ve aged a hundred years in some ways. I’ve gotten much younger in others.

I got a cat. Well...she got me.

I gained a huge extended family and I’m now not only a grandma....I am a GREAT grandma to two little ones with a third one due any day now. I am a GiGi, to be exact. A Mom and a mother-in-law and a Nana and a GiGi. A sister and a friend and a wife. How cool is that?

I went to Church Sunday night and Pastor Justin asked us to think about who we were before we were saved. In that moment, I realized THAT’S what has been hovering in the back of my mind as I contemplate the end of this decade. Because it was the beginning of the previous decade when my life very nearly came to an end.

I let myself cry as the music wafted over me, the Holy Spirit covering...filling me with his Love. My life has moments of demarcation with lines in the sand marking the points between “before” and “after”. The overdose. My mom’s death. Finding Jesus. Meeting, then losing, Mr. Virgo.

Finding ME.

Finding love again.

Marrying a wonderful man.

All while traveling. I get bored being in the same place too long. I need to seek new horizons from time to time. I need to get away and “blow off some stink” every once in a while. I need to recharge...away from everyone and everything I know. I need to go where no one knows me and rest in the anonymity that comes with the unfamiliar.

I get uncomfortable when I become too comfortable. When things start to get too predictable, I need to shake things up. I tried to count how many houses and apartments I’ve lived in during my lifetime and I lost track. I crave change. Thank goodness I’m married to a very understanding man. It makes me easier to live with, I think.

I don’t usually travel like I did this year...not since I was on the road with the camper after Mr. Virgo died. It was different this time. It was harder to be away from my sweetheart. Partly because I genuinely love being with him and partly because I’m older now and I have intimate experience with loss. Things have changed. There’s more to lose now. I’m not sure how much I’ll travel in the coming year...but I’m sure it won’t be quite like 2019.

We’re heading out tonight for a family bowling party to ring in the New Year. I can’t remember the last time I bowled. I can’t remember the last time I was out past 10:00! I have to remind myself...I’m only 66. There will be plenty of time to lay down when I’m dead and gone, right?

Maybe I can take a nap before we go.

Happy New Year, my dear ones! If you are struggling, may 2020 bring you peace, prosperity, and good health. You are so loved.

Thank you. Truly...thank you for being here all these years. I am eternally grateful for the connections I have made through this page.

Be blessed!

Ginny

❤️

“Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. Sing to the Lord, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.”

Psalms 96:1-3 NIV

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

Psalms 90:12 NIV

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”

Proverbs 16:9 NIV

“When I’m Gone”...an Ode to a Decade

Mon, 30 Dec 2019 02:30:00 -0600

“When I’m Gone”...an Ode to a Decade:

I remember the way I felt when the calendar turned from 2013 to 2014. Somehow, in my grief addled mind, I thought it would make things better. It would create distance between Mr. Virgo’s death and....the present. I thought maybe there would be magical power in being able to say “He died LAST year”...as if that space and time would somehow fix this dreadful suffering I was mired in.

But it didn’t.

The New Year dawned and the same horrible ache I felt in my heart, the same sense of fear and uncertainty I felt, was still there like a burning coal I could not set down. I think that realization made it even worse because I knew in my heart the only way “out” was “through”. And I was so weary of the pain.

This is the seventh New Year. I thank God in every way that He carried me through the hell that was acute grief. I thank Him for leading me at every turn and held my forehead all those sleepless nights when all I could do was cry and throw up. I thank Him for bringing me to an excellent grief counselor who listened and knew how to help me with the PTSD brought about by watching the valiant efforts to save Mr. Virgo’s life.

I thank Him for nudging me to pour my heart out on these pages and for giving me the words to do so. I thank Him for opening doors and giving me the courage to walk through them. I thank Him for blessing me with supportive and loving children and family who have stood by me every step of the way...even when I’ve been a pain in the caboose and they roll their eyes at some of my decisions.

And, I thank Him for bringing Mr. FixIt into my life, along with a great big bonus family to add to my brood. I am so blessed to have this life and will never take it for granted.

When I felt the winds of change blowing me in a new direction in my writing, a thought was formulating in the back of my mind that I couldn’t quite express. I was feeling a certain melancholy and couldn’t figure out why. What was the significance of this New Year over any other? Then, I saw this video and realized...I entered this decade with Mr. Virgo by my side...never dreaming he would be gone in such a short time.

It’s a big deal to be turning the page on not just a New Year, but on a new decade. The last seven-ish years have been spent healing and growing and learning how to live without him. Then learning how to open my heart wide enough to accept MORE love instead of closing it off for good.

I’m entering new territory here...a decade Mr. Virgo will never experience. When this video popped up on my feed, I watched it and realized, it was released just before he died. It was an anthem I cried over. The lyrics slayed me and brought me much needed emotional release. As I rewatched it before I wrote this, the lyrics took on new meaning for me. In addition to the reminder of my past losses, there is another loss to contend with.

Ever since I shared with you my desire to change my writing schedule here on my blog, you have shared with me what this space has meant to you along the way. I cannot close this door completely and just stop altogether. Because I still need this space as much as some of you have indicated you do. I’ve come to know and love you. I’ve cried with you, and prayed with you, and celebrated with you. I don’t know if I can ever express what joy you have brought me. What healing and comfort you shared that eased my broken heart.

When I thank God for all He has done for me in this last decade, I thank Him so much for YOU. For giving me this space where we could help each other heal. Lift each other up. To laugh and cry and live and learn with each other.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

For being here and helping me through the worst of times.

And here we are...about to head into a new decade! What shall we learn? Where shall we go? What will God reveal to us in this mystical little place called Marshmallow Ranch?

“When I’m Gone” by Joey and Rory Feek

https://fbwat.ch/1V3CvhygTPjtgWSw

❤️

“ ‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.”

Jeremiah 33:6 NIV

Christmas Comes Early

Sun, 22 Dec 2019 02:30:00 -0600

“The last really warm coat I had was the full length blue fox fur coat that Mr. Virgo gave me our first married Christmas. This one from Mr. FixIt suits me just fine.”

Mr. FixIt and I went shopping yesterday. We are at that age and stage in life when we don’t need to have a big hoopla surrounding Christmas. I needed a new winter coat. He needs a radiator on his truck. It’s kind of a wash. Since I’m not about to get a radiator and wrap it up for Christmas, I told him it was perfectly fine to go shopping together so I can try on coats and choose what I want.

My sense of fashion has definitely changed over the years. Where I used to traipse around Aspen in a full length blue fox coat, I now am the proud owner of a perfectly functional, super warm parka with lots of strategically placed pockets. It came in red, but my practical side opted for black so it wouldn’t show dirt. Besides...black is slimming, right? And...it was on sale!

We got each other one surprise. The rest is welcome, but not extravagant. I remember years when the gifts were just over the top. I don’t know if it’s my age or the fact that I’ve gone through that massive purge of personal belongings, but I just don’t need stuff. It’s not a “Bah, humbug!” thing either. It’s personal contentment.

The mall was packed. People rushing to and fro, bags and boxes piled high. There were lots of smiles and giggling children. The line for Santa was long, the children were precious. I would love to bottle up all the warm, fuzzy feelings of this time of year and keep them for the days when things may not be so warm and fuzzy in the New Year.

Our family gathering doesn’t happen till Friday so that gives us two extra days to prepare. The cards are sent. There’s things to do...baking and wrapping...knitting and writing. That’s my holiday week. And that suits me just fine.

❤️

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

Romans 15:13 NIV

When God Closes Doors...

Thu, 19 Dec 2019 02:30:00 -0600

“God sometimes sends us a wink to let us Know He’s the one in charge.”

First...let me thank you all so much for your support and kind comments on yesterday’s post. It took me a lot of introspection and a lot of prayer to come to the realization that I needed to make a change in my writing schedule. The message I kept getting from God was “It’s time.” I’m the one that kept dragging my feet and trying to argue with Him.

I’m not one to really care about the numbers of followers on my blog, but it is an indicator of “how I’m doing” as far as hitting the ball out of the park. For the last year, my numbers have been flat which means as many people left as joined and that had never happened before. I know the content of the blog shifted a lot, but I still don’t think it was the entire story. The flat numbers was my first indicator that God was trying to tell me something.

As I began to entertain the thought of change, God kept sending more and more validation that I was on the right path. Other opportunities continued to come up and I just couldn’t avoid it anymore. Then, to absolutely bring the point home....something really fun just landed in my lap yesterday. I’ll tell you more about it in a few weeks, but it was just such a blatant God wink that I literally laughed out loud and clapped my hands when I got out of the meeting.

I’ll still be posting daily till the New Year. And, even after that, I’ll post encouragement frequently. Just shorter posts. These long posts can take three hours or more to write. I’m really torn...because I want to be here for you and I love being here for you...and for me.

They say when one door closes, another opens. It doesn’t always happen so fast that it can’t be missed. Sometimes we have to wait and wait and wait. This is where Faith comes in...when we have to trust in God’s timing and not our own. I don’t claim to understand how it all works but, gosh...it really feels good when God winks at you.

❤️

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

Big Loss + Big Growth = Big Changes in 2020

Wed, 18 Dec 2019 02:30:00 -0600

“We should all seek to grow through our losses, and accept that change is all there is to do.”

On March 12, 2013...my world as I knew it came crashing to an end. The future Mr. Virgo and I had planned ended right in front of me in the cold, sterile environment of a Colorado emergency room. Time stopped in that moment and I struggled to do the simplest of tasks...breathing was at the top of the list.

I ever so slowly dragged myself along the jagged shards of grief till I could accomplish simple things like personal hygiene, taking care of paperwork, and eating proper meals. Each tiny step seemed monumental and yet my focus was never much further than the end of my nose. But, hours became days, weeks, months. And finally...years.

When I look back on all of that now, I marvel that I survived. I also marvel at this new creation I have become. I am such a different version of myself than I was when Mr. Virgo was alive. I’m not at all sure he would like being married to the me I am now...although I have not a doubt that he would be ever so proud of what I have accomplished in a relatively short time.

Relatively short...if you can call seven Christmases without him “short”. Time is tricky. It seems like yesterday. It seems like eternity. Sometimes, it seems like a dream that I even had him. I’ve learned this is common and it was one of the hardest things to accept. It meant I was growing. Not forgetting...but growing into this new life that I find myself living.

And that’s where I’ve come to sit with you today...coffee in hand...to have a little chat. I’ve felt the winds of change whipping around my head for some time now. I’m not one to fear change. As a matter of fact, I embrace it. Good change, anyway. I find myself in a place now where I need to make some good changes. For me. For the people in my life whom I love and love me.

I’ve written every day...almost every single day...for 2,471 days. That’s 6 years, 9 months, and 5 days...in case you’re wondering. I’ve given everything to this project...this Grief Journal...the Documentary of an Ordinary Life. I’ve spoken from my heart with honesty and what I hope was with empathy and grace. And now...I find myself at a crossroads.

On the day Mr. Virgo died, God threw a pebble in the lake of my life and the ripples have expanded in ever broadening circles...touchIng, crossing, blending with the circles of others. He brought me a companion in Mr. FixIt. With him, God brought me a large extended family that adds to my own in Colorado. More children, grandchildren, and now great grandchildren to love and care for.

He crossed my path with Janine Pettit who has not only been a dear friend and mentor, but has opened my world to greater opportunities than I could have envisioned. God has answered my prayers when I asked him to “expand my territory”...my circle of influence...to give me even more opportunities to share how He has touched my life. And to share what wisdom I have been graced with.

There are big projects in the works on a national level which require more and more of my attention. One of which is the new OH-WV Girl Camper Chapter that I share with my dear friend, Gail Bable. We write stories about camping, the things we’ve learned, our favorite picks (parks, equipment, etc.) and local finds. We are essentially Ambassadors for Ohio and West Virginia Tourism as it relates to women travelers...be it camping or otherwise. I also write a series for them called Girl Camper Moments.

There’s my book, which sits waiting for me to get back to it and breathe life into it so it may be born out into the world. There’s a second book, and a third, and....you get my drift. There’s writing to be done and there are only so many hours in the day in which to do it. I have worked so long and hard on Marshmallow Ranch to let it devolve into anything less than the level of quality you have come to expect...and deserve. This is where the growing pains come in.

I have to make some changes.

If I want to do what I feel God is calling me to do, then I have to learn to use my time wisely. Just as our finances belong to God and we must be good stewards of what He has entrusted us with, so too is the time He has graced us with in order to accomplish the purpose He has for us in this life. To that end, I have set up a “work schedule” for 2020. I will post here every Wednesday and every Sunday. I will continue “Sunday Evening Prayer Circle” as that has become such a moment of solace for me and for so many others I know. Then I can focus Friday on Girl Camper and turn the writing time I’ve been using into work time on the book.

I do hope you continue to follow along. It may take more work to find me. I'm not sure what Facebook will do to my algorithms if I don't post every day. I will post brief, encouraging photos and quotes frequently. I just won't be writing the long story posts every day we both have become accustomed to. I get as much...if not more...from my writing when I read your kind and encouraging comments. Your loyalty has not been lost on me and I am ever so grateful for all of you.

And now, it's.....

2020

It's all about a new chapter.

20/20

It’s all about vision.

With much love and gratitude...

Ginny

❤️

“The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.””

Matthew 13:22-23 NIV

The Gifts We Choose to Open

Mon, 16 Dec 2019 02:30:00 -0600

“Which gifts will you choose to open today?”

Pastor Heather delivered a message yesterday that I felt was worthy to share with you...in my own words but using her foundation and premise. It’s about the “gifts” we find at our doorstep every morning and which ones we will choose to open.

The other night, I was sitting in the living room, reading emails and preparing to write my post. The fire was going, the Christmas tree was lit, and carols played softly in the background. All was right with the world. I get a weekly email telling me all the grand and glorious skills Alexa can do for me and it’s fun to read what’s new.

I found out, I can ask her to read the latest sales on Amazon and, with a word, order something...sight unseen. Have you ever bought something and had it delivered to your door, only to discover it was a HUGE mistake? It looks hideous, it’s the wrong size or color, or...maybe...you just realized that spur of the moment purchase really wasn’t worth the money you spent. You either stuff it in a closet...NOT recommended...or you go through the laborious process of sending it back.

Just like the ones from the UPS man...we get “gifts” delivered to our doorstep every single morning. Some we’ve ordered. Some we haven’t. Things like anger, depression, anxiety, insecurity, shame come right alongside joy, health, security, trust, peace, and confidence. And, every single morning, we have to decide...which boxes are we going to open and wear that day? Is it going to be an “Ugly Sweater of Shame Day” or a “God’s Got This Confidence Day”?

Yes...I know. Depression is real. Anxiety is real. They are very real challenges and we don’t always have control in when they arrive, but we do have some control in how we wear them. Feelings don’t always serve us well and Pastor Heather stressed we should not make the decisions of our lives based on them.

I may not feel like doing my chores around the house. Neither may Mr. FixIt. But if we make the choice not to do our chores, the house will soon fill with dirty dishes, laundry, and garbage. There will be no food in the cupboards or no bills paid. Whether we like it or not, we have to do things. When we can hand things over to God and return to sender those boxes that do not serve us, we live beyond our feelings. And that’s where productivity and satisfaction lie.

This IS a bit of an over simplification, but it is an extension of my thinking in yesterday’s post. I spoke about my memories of my father and how they relate to Christmas. I’ve decided not to wear the “Robe of Blame and Shame” that he continually gave me. I’m sending that one back.

So...which boxes are YOU going to open today? And which ones will you be sending back?

❤️

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

James 1:17 NIV

Definition of a WV Holler

Fri, 13 Dec 2019 02:30:29 -0600

Grandma’s farm is at the mouth of a holler. No one lives back up the holler anymore.

It’s “Feel Good Friday” and I want to share something with you. We often talk about the hills of WV where my roots run deep. We talk about Grandma’s farm and the home of my heart. I tell you stories and memories that warm my soul and hopefully yours, as well. If you grew up like I did…you’ll be able to relate. And if you didn’t, you’ll be able to see how the luckiest of us were raised up.

I belong to several Appalachian pages on Facebook. I love the pictures and the stories as they stir up memories as old as the hills. When I read the writing of one of these hill folk and it particularly moves me, I simply must share. This piece was written about the hollers of Eastern Kentucky, but that’s not all that far from here and aptly describes our neck of the woods in WV, too. I hope you enjoy!

The Definition of an Eastern Kentucky Holler…..

Someone from outside my area recently asked me about our Eastern Kentucky hollers, and I have been thinking of how to best describe them to those not familiar with them. The simple answer is that a holler is a lane that follows a narrow valley between the hills. But if you’re from the hills of Eastern Kentucky, then you know there’s a lot more to a holler than that.

Most hollers are just dirt roads with a little gravel spread on them every now and then. They were never intended to carry heavy traffic. A holler is generally very sparsely populated because that’s the way we like it. We guard our privacy and we’re pretty wary of strangers. Often there’s not another house in sight of your house.

But we still know our neighbors. And when one needs help, then you help. If someone is sick in the holler, then you pitch in to help until they get back on their feet. If someone has a problem, then you listen. When someone claims you as a friend, then you’re loyal. And if you make a promise, then you’d better make good on it.

There aren’t any mansions In a holler. In fact, most houses in a holler are modest ones. And almost everyone has a barn, and a couple of other outbuildings. Some have chickens and cows and goats and a couple of horses. And they all have at least one dog that runs to the road and barks at every car that passes by.

Most people in a holler have a front porch. And they actually sit on it. They shell peas and string green beans and peel apples on the porch. And people stop by and sit on the porch with you. They laugh and talk and cuss a little bit about crooked politicians. And in the dusky evenings, they come with fiddles and flat top guitars and five-string banjos. And, good Lord in heaven…..what music they make! Sometimes the music drifts up and down the holler and it’s so pretty it just makes you want to cry! But instead of crying, you find yourself humming along to the lonesome strains of the Orange Blossom Special.

A lot of the houses in a holler have been occupied by several generations of the same family over the years. There is comfort in living in the house where your grandpa was born, or playing in the creek where your daddy used to swim. Something stirs down deep inside of you when you know you’re walking in the steps of your forefathers. And you never really feel alone as long as you know that your people lie buried on top of the hill that holds you so closely. Never underestimate the way that the hills cradle you. They will rock you to sleep at night, and awaken you in the morning with a happy heart and a joy in your soul.

If you live in a holler, you get recognition every day. And you’re never invisible. People always wave at you when they see you on your porch or in your yard. And if they don’t see you outside, then they will blow the horn when they drive by your house….just as a way of saying “howdy”. And if a few days pass and they don’t see you, then they’ll stop by to check on you. You can count on it. And you can count on them.

If your house is the first one as you turn up the holler….then you live at the mouth of the holler. If your house is the last one where the holler dead-ends…then you live at the head of the holler. And responsibilities fall to you according to where you live in the holler. For example, if you live at the mouth of the holler and you see a strange car that doesn’t belong to anyone you know and it’s heading up the holler, then you call the people who live above you and let them know that there’s a stranger headed up their way. That’s just common courtesy. If a vacuum cleaner salesman comes to your door, then call and let the others in the holler know so they’ll have time to let the big dogs out of the house before the salesman pulls into their driveway.

If anyone invites you to have a meal at their table…accept their offer quickly. And if it’s a house where an old woman runs the kitchen, get to the table just as fast as you can. And get ready to be amazed! Because if you live to be a hundred years old, you will never have a finer meal than one served up in an Eastern Kentucky holler.

There is a certain etiquette adhered to when you drive up or down the holler. If you meet another car in an extra narrow spot, then one of you has to back up to a wide spot so the other can pass. And when you are finally able to pass each other, you stop and roll the car window down and you talk until another car comes along and you have to move on.

If your neighbor slides out of the road in the winter snow, or if he gets stuck in the mud, then you try to push him out. If you’re unable to push him out, then you get your tractor out of the barn, attach a big chain, and pull him out. Again…it’s just common courtesy.

If someone in the neighborhood dies, you get to their house quickly with huge boxes of food. You make a pot of coffee. And then you make another one. And you stay beside your neighbor for as long as you’re needed. You don’t even have to say a word, you just have to be there.

There are other unwritten rules to holler-living. If a forest fire breaks out, you become a firefighter. And not just to save your own house, but to also save all the other houses in the holler. If the creeks start rising, you don’t leave anyone behind to face the muddy waters alone. And when storms come, and they will, you will find no better friends than the ones who are going through the same challenges that you’re facing.

There’s a lot more to be said about an Eastern Kentucky holler, but if I don’t tell you another thing, you need to know that a holler is more than a narrow isolated lane that runs between the hills. A holler takes you to the place where you have always been loved and where you’ll always be welcome. A holler takes you to the place where you can find comfort and peace and a sense of belonging. It takes you to your roots and to your family and to the truth of who you are. A holler takes you home.

Written by Roberta Stephens

January 4, 2017

In sweet memory of the hollers I have loved

❤️

“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.””
Revelation 21:4 NIV

Winding Down the Year

Thu, 12 Dec 2019 02:30:47 -0600

“I’m looking for a little down time…maybe after the holidays.”

The year is quickly fading and before we know it, we will turn the page on…not only another year, but on a decade. There will be stories about the best and worst and we’ll wax poetic for what was, what is, and what might have been. It’s hard to stay in the moment in a moment like this.

In looking back over my last year, I realize a turning point occurred early on. I was happily sitting and knitting a gazillion dishcloths and watching movies with Mr. FixIt the entire month of January. It was divine spending hours with hot mugs of tea and the smooth feel of fiber and needles in my hands. Then…my good friend Janine stepped in and called a halt to the whole thing with these wise words:

“Stop knitting and write your book! You can knit when you’re on your book tour.”

Wow…she’s right, you know. I was enjoying the hygge environment I had created but I was also killing time till spring came and I could get back outside and play. I spent the entire month of February sequestered in the big camper and wrote over 75,000 words. And I haven’t really stopped moving since.

I bought that little camper in March and then the grass started growing and camping season started and the new Girl Camper website was being developed and we traveled….everywhere. And now, the year is all but over and I’m on sensory overload. Not from the holidays, per se. It’s just been a high gear year and I’m really ready for a little down time.

Take yesterday, for example. I hadn’t finished my first cup of coffee when Mr. FixIt announced he needed to go to Lowe’s to get the drywall for the bathroom he’s finishing and I decided to go into town with him. I wanted to pick up a gift card for my brother. I figured we would be back in ninety minutes…tops. Ha! We pulled back in the driveway at 5:30.

There is no such thing as a “quick trip to town” for some reason. Not when you decide to stop for a late breakfast and the usual errands and a stop at the grocery store and the original destination of Lowe’s and then the grandkids need something. We often look at each other and say “What on EARTH did we do when we worked full time???”

The upside of the day? I got to hold my little great grandson for half an hour and get some snuggles, so the day was not a loss.

❤️

““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.””
Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

It’s a KISS Christmas - Keep it Simple, Santa!

Wed, 11 Dec 2019 02:30:37 -0600

“Simple and elegant…vintage Shiny Brite ornaments like these hang on our tree here at the Ponderosa”

Wait! How can it possibly be just two weeks till Christmas Day??? It seems like I was on the RPod Tour yesterday and now we are sliding into the home stretch and the year will be over. I went to the farm Monday midday to write. I fell asleep to the sound of rain on the tin roof. I couldn’t help it. Not only was it soothing, but it’s my happy place and I’ve been running around like crazy this year. I just enjoy it so much.

I woke up yesterday morning and looked at the weather reports. When I went to sleep it was 61℉ and raining. By morning they were predicting snow in the afternoon. I had limited groceries with me so I decided to pack up and head back to the Ponderosa. When I walked in, I heard the carpet shampooer running in the basement and that can only mean one thing. The basement flooded again. I went down and helped my sweet Mr. FixIt clean up the mess.

Once we got the worst of it done, I sat down to write. I have deadlines to meet every couple of weeks and I had a lot of work to do. Several hours later, I turned off the computer. I’ll finish this morning. Mr. FixIt baked some peanut butter cookies. We watched the news. We read the mail. We got our first Christmas cards yesterday. I haven’t even thought about doing ours yet. I haven’t gone Christmas shopping. I haven’t baked cookies or made special gifts. Nothing.

I used to feel really bad about myself if the holidays weren’t visions straight out of a Hallmark movie. I have SO gotten over that. The house is decorated…enough. Did I get the Christmas Village out on the dining room table? Nope. It’s ok. If my friends and family get a New Year’s letter from us, is it going to be the end of the world? Nope. It’s ok. If the kids get cash cards instead of intricately wrapped gifts, will it make the holidays any less bright? Nope. How about if I buy a store bought cheesecake instead of making fifteen dozen cookies…does it take anything away from our celebrations? No.

Because…all the decorations and the hoopla, the frenzy and the manic late nights aren’t what this holiday season is about anyway. It’s about love. And celebrating Jesus. And gathering the family and holding them close. I started a new Christmas tradition for Mr. FixIt and family when I came into the picture. I make a big pot of chili and homemade cinnamon rolls. It’s low key. We exchange modest gifts. And this year, we’re going to have a White Elephant gift exchange as a fun activity. If you’ve never done that, it’s a lot of fun. Here are the rules:

Each participant supplies one wrapped gift, usually of similar value. The gifts are placed in a central location, and participants determine in which order they will take turns selecting them. The first person opens a wrapped gift, and the turn ends. On subsequent turns, each person has the choice to either unwrap a new present or to steal another’s. When a person’s gift is stolen, that person can either choose another wrapped gift to open or can steal from another player. To avoid never-ending circles, each gift can only be stolen once per turn. The game is over when everyone has a present. Generally, it is recommended to have at least six participants for the gift exchange party. With a larger group, game play may be more protracted.

It’s a KISS Christmas…Keep it Simple, Santa!

❤️

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Matthew 6:21 NIV

Love to the Rescue

Tue, 10 Dec 2019 02:30:55 -0600

“One of my besties! Deneene and her sidekick, Griffen the Grey, came for a visit. She’s good for what ails ya!”

I wrote in yesterday’s post about feeling “in the ditch”. I struggled for a few days with grief waves triggered by a traumatic loss in the family. Then, in swept my dear friend Deneene with lots of love and her trusty sidekick, Griffen the Grey. Griff is a nine month old French Bulldog who wriggled his way into my heart when we visited Deneene and her husband Mark in South Carolina this summer.

I had been greatly anticipating Deneene’s arrival for the last week and when she walk in the door, all the “holding it all in” released with her big bear hug. I had the gas stove in the family room fired up so it was nice and toasty. And I had the TV on with this really great ten hour YouTube fireplace video running in the background. We have a huge TV because the family room is huge. It used to be a two car garage, so if you want to read the fine print at the bottom of the screen, you need a big TV. When Deneene walked in, she said she could see the fire blazing from the road leading past our house. I was glad no one thought the house was on fire and called 911!

We didn’t stay up too late and talk because my friend is a new grandma and had just spent a week at her daughter’s helping out with the new baby. She was pretty tired so we said goodnight early. Deneene is not a real morning person, so when Mr. FixIt and I woke up at 8:30, I told him to be really quiet so as not to wake her. I forgot that puppies get their mommies up really early and she had been waiting for US to get up and keeping Griffen quiet.

When I heard them talking in the family room, I quickly dressed and went into the kitchen to cook breakfast. Scratch biscuits with homemade sausage gravy and eggs. OMGosh! It’s been forever since I fixed that and it was SO good. I made Paula Deen’s Cream Biscuits. They are love in the palm of your hand. Look up the recipe. Super easy! And sausage gravy couldn’t be easier to make than mine. Fry a pound of sausage till browned, sprinkle about a third of a cup of flour over it and stir till combined then slowly pour enough milk over it to loosed it up, adding more milk as it cooks, stopping when you get the right consistency.

As we sat and ooohed and ahhhed over the delicacy before us, we slathered butter and local orange blossom honey over the rest of the biscuits till there were just three left. I tucked them in a bag for Deneene to take with her to nibble on the road. Deneene raved over our hospitality and I told her it was the best B&B this side of the Mississippi…and it’s free!

We said our WV goodbye. She announced she should be leaving. We told another story. She said she really should get going. We hugged and talked about when we would get to see one another again. She gathered up her things. I made sure she didn’t forget her biscuits. We walked to the door. We hugged again and declared it had been too long since the last visit and we shouldn’t wait so long next time. She double checked if she had everything. I asked if she needed a bottle of water for the road. She picked up her bags and we had another long hug at the door. As she walked through, we noticed she had set down the biscuits when she put on her coat so we retrieved them for her. If it hadn’t have been raining, we would have walked her to her truck and the goodbye would have lasted another fifteen to twenty minutes. Thus is the nature of goodbyes in the country. It’s a goodbye full of love!

I called after her, “Don’t forget to text when you get there!” If it was dusk, I would have said, “Watch for deer!” That’s West Virginian for “I love you!”

Deneene honked from the road as she drove by and I waved madly from the front window. And she was gone. My friend whom I helped through her own grief had come and returned the favor. I felt so much better after her visit. I have a big deadline to meet this week so after Deneene left, I packed up and went to the farm where I turned the TV to the same fireplace video. I survived another wave and I’m on to the next thing. Such is the nature of grief. It just gets incorporated into life and you move forward. Thank you for your support yesterday. You have no idea what that means to me. I wish everyone who grieves had cheerleaders like you to support them through their journey.

❤️

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”
John 15:12 NIV

In the Ditch

Mon, 09 Dec 2019 02:30:08 -0600

“You never know what will trigger grief…I’m just grateful it doesn’t come nearly as often as it used to.”

Mr. FixIt called yesterday when he was on his way to our granddaughter’s baby shower. There was a wreck on our road. Someone had gone in the ditch, overcorrected, went across the road and ran into an abandoned house. I have to say, that road worries me. Whenever one of us goes to town without the other, we always text when we get there to alleviate the worry.

One of my dearest friends in the whole world stopped at our house yesterday on her way home to South Carolina and spent the night. I was SO excited to see her. I met Deneene through Marshmallow Ranch a couple of years ago. She lost her husband about a year or so before we met and a mutual friend introduced her to my blog. Since she was local, I invited her out for coffee and it was one of those instant life long friendships forged on common ground.

Before Deneene arrived, I baked an apple galette for a sweet treat. But, I have to say…my stomach has been in knots ever since I went to the viewing last Wednesday. I’ve been “in the ditch”. I’ve been to viewings and funerals since Mr. Virgo died. While none of them are easy, the only ones that really hit me hard are the “snatch deaths”…those sudden, unexpected deaths that snatch loved ones in an instant. It stirs up every bit of angst I thought I had put away long ago.

Where I had been the comforter for Deneene when we first met…last night, she became mine. I poured out how fearful I become when a grief wave comes over me now. Fearful…because I tell myself I should be way past this. How can I tell Mr. FixIt about it? Will he walk away from me because he’s “had enough of this”? No, of course not. For one thing, it very rarely happens anymore. For another…he’s not that kind of guy. I should KNOW all this because this is what I do…I comfort others in their grief. I share stories of my own to let others know they aren’t alone. Yet, I tell myself…I should be over this by now, right?

My sweet friend, so gentle and serene, calmly reminded me of what I told her back when we sat over coffee and shared our hearts for over four hours.

“There IS no timetable for grief…remember? There IS no rule book. YOU told me that.”

Yes…indeed. I did tell her that. I tell you that, too. And, I tell you I’ll always speak to you with an open, honest heart and tell you the truth about this grief journey…even when it is uncomfortable or ugly or scary. Even when I’m happily, madly in love and remarried…I am not immune to the waves of grief that rear up against me on occasion. Of COURSE a loss that close to home stirred memories. Why wouldn’t it?

Was it a mistake to go to the viewing? I don’t know…maybe. However, I am so glad I was there to support those I love, even if it WAS hard. There are going to be hard things in life. I can’t avoid them.

It’s ok to not be ok for a little bit. It won’t last forever. I’m not buying real estate…I’m just passing through. It’s the holidays and they can be rough for anyone. When I urge you to be gentle with yourselves, I don’t always take the same advice. I so appreciate my friend to remind me…it’s ok.

❤️

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalms 147:3 NIV

Bucket Lists & Miracles & Making Memories

Sun, 08 Dec 2019 02:30:31 -0600

“When being Santa is on your bucket list…”

This is the time of year where Christmas is around every corner. The twinkling lights and bustling shops, the carols and the wonderful aromas wafting from the kitchen…they all bring up memories. And, while there is a plethora of “warm-fuzzy” memories, there are also sad painful memories that show up with the turn of the calendar and the darkening of the days.

Christmas was Mr. Virgo’s very favorite holiday. When he worked at the Hotel Jerome in Aspen, he was asked to play Santa one year. You would have thought he was stepping on stage at the Met. He was thrilled…not only to play the role, but to grow out his beard. You often are not allowed to have facial hair when you work in Food & Beverage. This was a treat, all the way around. I know what joy that brought him.

One of my high school friends brought us some devastating news a while back. Her sweet brother, Ed Lowe, was diagnosed with cancer. When they did an in depth work up, they found out it had spread through his body. Ed is a pastor, and he knows where he will go when it is his time. He’s taking advantage of every treatment option and covets the prayers of anyone who will pray for a miracle with him.

With his typical optimism, Ed has set out to work on his bucket list. With Christmas fast approaching, he put his wish out there….to be Santa in our hometown Christmas Parade! Phone calls were made and before you knew it, Ed was being fitted for his Santa suit and got to ride down Market Street on a float…waving and smiling and throwing candy to the children lining the parade route.

These are the happy/sad stories we read about this time of year. This is a memory that will be cherished by so many people, no matter what the outcome of Ed’s health scare may be. I’m telling you this story because I love my friend, Janet. I love her fierce devotion to her brother. And, I am asking you to do something for us. Whenever you see Santa in the coming weeks, please send up a prayer for a special man of God who wants his own Christmas Miracle. Please pray for Ed Lowe…and all the others who need miracles, as well.

?❤️????❤️?

“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”
Jeremiah 17:14 NIV

A Good Book is a Good Friend

Sat, 07 Dec 2019 02:30:31 -0600

“Books open the mind of the reader and sparks an interest in the world.”

I am so busy writing now, I seldom have time to read. I have a stack of books by the bed. A cabinet full in the family room. My iPad has at least a dozen good books just waiting for me to sit down…yet I seldom do. And when I do have time, I love to knit.

I used to read voraciously, but since Mr. Virgo died, I just can’t seem to concentrate long enough to get into the story. I wish I could. I think I would love to sit by a babbling brook on a warm spring day and while away the hours, getting lost in a captivating storyline. I keep hoping.

I do have such fond memories of reading. My mother taught me to read before I started school. The first grade teacher was so taken with my early reading skills that she sent me to other classes to read to the children. I always had a book, and when I didn’t have one, I read the dictionary or my hand-me-down encyclopedia. Mom bought a set of books as shopping rewards from the grocery store when I was very young and I devoured them.

I have memorable moments with certain books. Love Story. I threw the book across the room and sobbed. To Kill A Mockingbird. I felt an inherent shame for the ill-treatment of others. Of Mice and Men. It broke my heart because I have a differently-able brother. There was Watership Down which got me through seasons of anxiety. There were the horror stories of Stephen King. The dramatic mysteries from the likes of James Patterson and Robin Cooke and so many others.

A very special time in my life was when Daughter #2 and I cuddled in bed every night and read the Harry Potter books. Thinking back on that time is bittersweet. Reading with her was wonderful. But my marriage was falling apart, as was my fragile mind in the midst of it all, and that season of my life was clouded by Prozac and assorted pharmaceuticals.

I have a new generation to read to now. Our oldest great grandchild is two now and is beginning to take an interest in books. The younger is just four months old so it will be a while before I can read to him, but we’ll have lots of picture books. And, another little boy will be gracing our presence in January.

I think I may have to start scheduling a time to read for pleasure. What are your favorite reads these days?

❤️

“He went up to the temple of the Lord with the people of Judah, the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the priests and the prophets—all the people from the least to the greatest. He read in their hearing all the words of the Book of the Covenant, which had been found in the temple of the Lord.”
2 Kings 23:2 NIV

It’s Feel Good Friday

Fri, 06 Dec 2019 02:30:21 -0600

“Here’s a photo of my happy big brother. He makes this a true Feel Good Friday!”

Wednesday night, after leaving the funeral home in support of family who suffered a devastating loss, I came home to an empty house while Mr. FixIt ran errands in town. I cleaned up around the house a bit, snuggled the kitten and put her to bed, then padded down the hallway to our room. I got into my cozy jammies, climbed into bed, and prepared to write my post…as I do every night. Then my phone dinged.

I looked down and it was a text from Hubby #2. He was having dinner with my brother and sent me a picture. He does this whenever they go out and it makes my heart burst…for a number of different reasons. First, because I miss my brother and I only get to see him once a year now. He is my only blood sibling. I have two sibs of the heart…but my Bubby is the the best. He owns the biggest piece of real estate in my heart. It made me so happy to see that great big smile from this sweet, sweet man.

The second reason my heart exploded is…this picture was only possible because the man I was married to for twenty years thinks enough of my brother to make a point to take him out to dinner several times a year. There was a time in the throes of divorce that I truly mourned, not just for the loss of a marriage, but the loss of my friendship with #2. I was always hopeful we could develop that again, but it wasn’t until Mr. Virgo died what we set everything aside and called a truce. I’m so glad because it’s so much better for the kids and grandkids when you can get along. The fact that he takes my brother out for dinner and sends me the picture makes me proud of the personal growth we both have accomplished.

I’m always looking for good news stories to share with you all because there’s already so much bad stuff. We need something uplifting. A friend shared a cute little Christmas commercial with me last night so I decided I’m going to try to have “Feel Good Fridays” to give us all something joyful to take us into the weekend. Thanksgiving was so late this year that it’s giving us a shorter Christmas season. And…this is the time of year for all the feel good stories. After December, I’ll have to go hunting for them. But, hunting I shall gladly do. I hope you enjoy this sweet little story out of the UK.

https://www.cnn.com/2019/12/04/uk/heartwarming-christmas-advert-intl-scli-gbr/index.html?ofs=fbia

❤️

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV

Grief + Time...Still = Grief

Wed, 04 Dec 2019 02:30:15 -0600

“Grief plus time still equals grief. It’s just to varying degrees.”

It is said, “A burdened shared is lightened.” I have found this is usually the case. A heavy load is more easily carried when someone picks up the other end. Mr. FixIt picks up the other end of my grief much of the time. While it isn’t necessarily his job, he helps me through the worst times because he is my partner in all things.

That being said, I totally get how blessed I am to have this man in my life and I know he would keep picking up that other end till the cows came home. All I have to do is ask. That’s precisely why I don’t a lot of the time. It’s a tough job to love a widow. It takes a strong man. I don’t want him to burn out and decide this is more than what he bargained for. Besides, at some point, I had to learn to let Jesus do the heavy lifting for me so I could work on the feelings in my heart.

It has been 2,457 days since Mr. Virgo died. I’ve come light years since those early days when I had zero control over my emotions. I was a slave to the whims of my limbic system. If you go back and read my early writing, you’ll find many nights when I literally grabbed onto the side of the mattress and hung on for dear life. Waves of grief led to oceans of anxiety that threatened to drown me every night. I knew if I could just hang on till the sun came up, it would be better. Eventually, ever so slowly, inch by inch…things got better. That’s why, when I get hit now, it’s fairly predictable and fairly remarkable.

Triggers.

There will always be triggers, no matter how long it’s been since your loss.

On Sunday morning, when we got the call about the young man who was killed in the car accident, my heart started racing, my hands were sweating, and my mind started to race. I had my hands full with dinner in various stages of completion. And, while I am not close to the young man, he was close family through Mr. FixIt’s children and grandchildren. I felt it was important to keep moving and get food ready for everyone.

I did well all day. I was supportive and listened and hugged everyone. I even told my story about losing Mr. Virgo to the family members who didn’t know me then. But, when I went to bed, I was quickly overwhelmed. My grief comes out through my stomach and I was sick most of the night. Just as it was in the early days, if I’m going to have any trouble with grief, it’s going to be in the long dark hours of the night.

Fortunately, I have come a long way since those early days. I have learned a lot of tricks to help me get through the rough stuff. I know how to divert my attention by getting up and doing something different rather than lay there in bed mulling things over. Still, there are times when it all catches up with me and I can’t do anything about it. Those are the times I take something for my nausea and anxiety, go into the spare bedroom so as to not disturb my husband. Then, I talk out loud to Jesus until I drift off to sleep. When I wake up the next day, I’m fine and ready to take on the world again.

Tonight is the visitation. This will be hard. I will do my best to be there and support my bonus family and my husband. But I will not lie…this is not going to be easy for me. What I will tell myself all day tomorrow is…”If you think it’s hard to go to this, imagine his mother. His grandparents. His cousins. His friends. You can do this. It isn’t happening to YOU now.”

That’s the thing you have to convince yourself. It isn’t happening to YOU. Because that’s where your mind takes you. Memory is a cruel mistress.

❤️

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
John 14:27 NIV

Recovery Day

Tue, 03 Dec 2019 02:30:13 -0600

“Christmas Lights & Pie”

When all the food is put away…when all the dishes are done…when all the guests have said their last goodbye…what time is it? It’s time for PIE! Well, really…is there ever a BAD time for pie? We turned off the lights…all but the tree. And just enjoyed the quiet.

I took the kitten in bright and early to be spayed and immediately came home and slept three more hours. Working to put on a big family dinner takes the starch out of you. And it gets harder the older you get.

The babies were so much fun. Princess First was in rare form, ate like a champ, colored brilliantly, and melted me with “Pweeze, Gigi!” I’m toast. Then there was Prince Second. Oy, he is a solid chunk of sheer joy. He smiles and coos and bats his big eyes at me. All I wanted to do all day was kiss and nibble on those cheeks…they are so delectable!

Once the kitten was ready, I went to pick her up. They informed me she needs to stay in the house for the next ten days. You know what that means, don’t you? It means we now have an indoor cat. Bring me all the antihistamines in the land! It’s better, really. I worry about her outside with that road even though she was safe in the pole building every night. I also found out we can board her with our vet when we go out of town. So it was a win-win day.

Now I can turn my focus back to writing. The OH-WV Chapter page on the new Girl Camper website needs my attention every couple of weeks. There are presents to make. Cookies to bake. Calls to make. Cards to send. This will be a busy and quick month for all of us. Then we can start making all our camping plans for the New Year! There’s going to be some fun things happening on the east side…up and down the mid-Atlantic area so keep your eyes peeled for announcements!

Katy bar the door…all heck is gonna break loose around here!

❤️

“Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house.”
Proverbs 24:27 NIV

Ok, Boomer...

Sun, 01 Dec 2019 02:30:54 -0600

“Ok, Boomer…terms of derision from a fed up generation.”

I’m a Boomer. Proud of it. And, like most people who are “of a certain age”, I find myself looking at the younger generations with a critical eye. As has happened with each preceding generation, the young people are looking at us like we’re dinosaurs. Out of touch actors that don’t have a clue. The first time I heard the snarky, derisive phrase…”Ok, Boomer”…I was frankly ticked off. How dare they…snot nosed little whippersnappers!

OMGosh…yes, I just said that!

Our generation came along after WWII during the Cold War when the economy was booming. All we had to do was roll up our sleeves, go to college, get a great job, build houses and buy cars and furniture and toys galore. Not all of us, certainly. I came from a poor home. But there was opportunity that our parents certainly didn’t have.

Then, our children came along. The Sesame Street Gen X-ers reaped a lot of the benefits of our hard work. The computer, then the internet, then cell phones…technology boomed and the world became a much smaller place. Then along came Generation Y…the Millennials…my younger daughter’s generation. And Gen Z…the children of Gen Y who know nothing other than the digital age.

Boomers often call the younger generations lazy, entitled brats who never had to work for anything…who got a trophy for showing up…who weren’t spanked by their parents and never suffered consequences for their actions. If they are brats, we are to blame. We raised them. Well, us and Dr. Spock.

I feel bad for the younger generations. We are leaving them with a terrible debt to pay. We have consistently and continually abused the planet, spent ourselves into oblivion, and we are preparing to ride off into the sunset. My older daughter and her husband are blessed. They bought a home before the bottom fell out of the housing market in 2008. My younger daughter is 29 and this is a far different world she is facing. This generation may never own homes.

While I don’t like “Ok, Boomer”…I can understand their frustration. They are saddled with immeasurable student loan debt. They can’t get jobs the way we got jobs…not when “Text 12345 to apply” is how you do it. They can’t dress up and knock on doors unannounced. They have to work 2, 3, or more odd jobs. And the jobs nowadays are not providing benefits. These kids have to get roommates to survive. They’ll eat a lifetime of ramen.

I worry about the upcoming generations. What will things be like for our great grandchildren? And the great- great- ones that we will never know? We have to become more forward thinking to preserve some sort of life for them. Or, I should say…Gen X-ers will. We can’t say we weren’t warned. I guess “OK, Boomer” isn’t far off the mark, is it?

❤️

“He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our ancestors to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children.”
Psalms 78:5-6 NIV

When Kindness Matters Most

Sat, 30 Nov 2019 02:30:32 -0600

“Kindness Matters Most…especially when it involves children.”

My dear friend Diane sent me a link to an article in the New York Times yesterday. It was a story about the new mayor of Charleston and how she barked up the wrong tree. It seems, in an effort to be inclusive and considerate of the Muslim and Jewish population in our state’s capital, she decided to rename the Christmas Parade. She announced on a Facebook post that the Winter Parade would be on such and such a date…and thus began a civil uprising. Well, maybe uncivil is a more appropriate description.

I understand what she was trying to do. And I appreciate it. Having lived 27 years as a practicing Jew in a small town and watching discrimination at work was an eye opening experience for me. It gave me a much deeper appreciation for what some people go through on a daily basis in this world.

The mayor was attacked from all sides and had very few backers. Part of it was the way she went about it…making a unilateral decision without consulting anyone. But the biggest part was the way the world is now. I could have been a mediator by profession because I can easily see both sides of this issue. People were feeling attacked and that, in the spirit of political correctness, they felt the mayor was trying to steal Christmas. When, in actuality, she was just trying to be kind to everyone in the community.

As I read the comments to the story, several of them were from minorities saying they never felt they were “less than” or “excluded” because of Christmas celebrations. While they didn’t observe the holiday themselves, they never felt threatened by other people celebrating. I remember talking to a Rabbi once and asked him what he would do regarding my children’s participation in these programs. He said “Lip synch the words to the religious songs and belt out the secular ones. There is a lot of beautiful music in the Christian faith. I think it’s very important that we don’t try to dilute anyone’s holiday.” That made a lot of sense to me.

This story brings to mind something that happened to me when I lived in that small mountain town in Colorado. Hubby #2 was a new physician and we had only lived in town a few years. One Christmas, a couple of things came to a head that are very similar to what happened in Charleston this month.

First, the wife of one of my husband’s colleagues was Jewish and she had two sons in the public grade school. There was no mention in the curriculum of any holidays besides Christian ones. She wanted the children to have a greater world view and asked if she could form an ad hoc committee to explore how to go about broadening the horizons without stepping on anyone’s toes. Even though my younger daughter was only a baby at the time, I knew she would be going to the same school in a few years so I said yes when I was asked to join.

We held meetings with the school board. We offered to provide children’s books for the school library with stories about Chanukah and Passover. We volunteered to come into the classes during story time and share traditional foods of other cultures. And, we asked that the school program in December be renamed the Winter Festival. That’s where we ran into road blocks and it got ugly…fast. Our mayor hung a banner across the Main Street through town claiming that “The heathens are trying to steal Christmas from our children! Don’t let that happen!” Those were the exact words. Heathens.

In the historical context, the word heathen means “an individual or a people that do not acknowledge the God of the Bible; a person who is neither a Jew, Christian, nor Muslim; a pagan.” We certainly were NOT heathens and it was a blatant slur…not the least of the discriminatory experiences I encountered in my years as a member of the Jewish community.

Our little mountain town was formed by a large ranching and mining community. There were two black children, a handful of Hispanic children, and no Asians the year my daughter started 7th grade. We had relocated there from Denver where my daughter was in a tri-lingual classroom…English, Spanish, and Vietnamese. Her school was a cross section of humanity and she was dumbfounded by the “white bread” community she found herself living in. Every holiday, a large cross was lit on the top of a mountain within view of the whole town, reminding everyone that that “we celebrate Christmas in this town.”

At the same time the banner went up across the Main Street and the cross was lit on the hill, we found out that the cross was on city property and the electricity was being paid for with tax money. This is where I had a problem. I can educate. I can buy books and bake cookies till the cows come home, but there is a separation of church and state in this country and the founding fathers made it that way on purpose. I believe in honoring that and if I would have been Christian at the time, I still would have believed in that.

Then, things shifted in town. It turns out the ACLU got wind of the situation and put the town on notice they would be taken to court if they didn’t make other arrangements for the cross on the hill. A citizen donated a piece of land up higher than the original location, and a new and larger cross was erected. Every year, a collection takes place to pay for the electricity and upkeep of the cross. I was thrilled with that because it was not only even more beautiful than before, it now complied with the law.

As time went on, some things in town got better, but there was still an undercurrent of anti-Semitism. When Daughter #2, who was just a baby when this all went down, was in high school, she was bullied and called a “stupid, effing Jew” among other derogatory comments. I went to the administration but the bullying continued and we finally determined she would be happier at the alternative high school.

She is doing well now. She is 29 and married. But she carries the emotional scars from her experiences. This is why I am sensitive to all people. This is why I don’t want the little Jehovah’s Witness children to have to sit in the cafeteria, ostracized by their peers because of their beliefs. I want the little Jewish children to be included in the holiday extravaganza because they have a holiday to celebrate, too. I don’t want any child to feel left out.

I don’t know what the answer is for you. All I know is, I personally know what discrimination feels like. And I know what it feels like to hold your child in your arms when she’s been crushed by bullies. Therefore, I say “Happy Holidays” if I am not sure of the person’s beliefs. I don’t care if someone says Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas to me. I am not insulted. Why would I be? It’s a blessing when someone wishes you well. I’ll take that any day of the week over some of the terrible things people feel free to say to each other these days. Because…kindness matters.

❤️

#KindnessMatters, #Discrimination, #HappyHolidays

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.”
2 Peter 1:5-9 NIV

Black Kitty, Black Friday

Fri, 29 Nov 2019 02:30:59 -0600

“Little Black Kitty - Big Black Friday”

We have to go to town today. Ugh! I avoid Black Friday like the plague. But, we are having our family Thanksgiving on Sunday and there are fresh things I need to buy to prepare. Mr. FixIt was lamenting because Walmart will be crazy. We almost forget about real stand alone grocery stores and they should be less chaotic. My favorite store in the area is the Kroger over in Belpre. It’s as close to a Denver grocery as I have ever found here.

Yesterday was a beautiful day…just the two of us. We cleaned house a little. Mr. FixIt shampooed the carpet down the hall. I made the brine for the turkey. We washed the windows in the family room. I am so glad to get the bathroom fixtures and tools out of there…it needed a good cleaning. We put up the tree and it made me miss my Colorado peeps…a lot.

I talked to my brother yesterday and I FaceTimed with Daughter #1. She was cooking her Thanksgiving Dinner as we chatted. My son-in-law was in the background, peeling potatoes. As I watched her, she told me what she was doing. She took her phone and focused on each dish and told me how she made it. She makes this really great Sausage-Cranberry Stuffing. I asked her about making sweet potatoes and she showed me a trick I had never heard of before.

First, she cleans, peels, and cubes her sweet potatoes. Then she puts brown sugar in the bottom of a CrockPot to the depth of her first knuckle. She puts the cubed sweet potatoes on top and pats them down a little, and dabs about 3 tbsp of butter on top. Cover and turn on low for 2.5 hours or so, then turn to high. Stir gently every once in a while to coat the potatoes with the brown sugar. The sweet potatoes have enough moisture in them, you don’t have to add liquid. When they are fork tender, turn the CrockPot to warm. She throws miniature marshmallows on top at that point and they melt and get gooey by serving time. I don’t usually add marshmallows to my sweet potatoes because I don’t like them that sweet. Her late grandpa taught her how to make them. We really miss Pop, so I’m happy to have one of his recipes.

As I was washing the windows in the family room, the little kitty sat so regally out in the yard watching my every move. She is growing fast and will go in Monday to be spayed. I’m glad we decided to stay home because it was snowing in the mountains about the time we would have been driving through. I’m hoping to have some time to knit today, because I didn’t even pick it up yesterday. And, tomorrow I need to start cooking. I hope you all celebrated Thanksgiving in a way that brought you peace.

If you are heading out to shop on Black Friday, let me share something with you I saw online.

Look around.

All that clutter, used to be money.

And that money used to be time.

Maybe consider experiences instead of too much stuff.

When you’re dead and gone…no one will ever say, “Gosh, I wish Grandma would have bought me more stuff.” They’ll miss YOU. Six months from now, they won’t remember what you gave them, but they’ll remember spending special time with you.

“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
Psalms 90:12 NIV

My First Pickup Truck

Wed, 27 Nov 2019 02:30:19 -0600

“My first pickup truck was a 1968 Ford F-100”

I was talking with someone the other day about a pickup I used to own. My first pickup. Husband #1 bought it to move our belonging to Colorado when he got stationed there in the Air Force. The truck was a 1968 step-side Ford F-100…the most beautiful blue with a white grill. Like many things from my younger years…I had no idea what I had and lost till many years had passed.

When I took up camping and wanted a vintage trailer, I thought a vintage truck to go with it would be grand. I don’t have a picture of my actual truck and, since the advent of the internet, I periodically search images to see if I can find one. This week, I did!

This was the coolest truck. It was truly a stripped down basic pickup. It did have a radio and a heater. Other than that, it was quite utilitarian. We drove it from West Virginia to Colorado in early April. I honestly remember nothing about that trip save for two schemes that stick out like a couple of old slides from a dusty shoebox.

The first is trying to pack all of our belongings in the truck. We had a small freezer, a washer and dryer we had accumulated. Along with our clothes. All of our household furnishings were being shipped from England and would arrive sometime after we checking into Lowry AFB and our new apartment off the base. Our wedding gifts had been stored at my parents’ house while we were living in England. We tucked those and our clothes into the freezer, fit everything else into the bed of the truck, and tied a tarp over it all.

The second memory I have is driving through a raging dust storm in Kansas. I had never seen anything like this. It was reminiscent of one of those movies we saw in school on the Dust Bowl. It was foreign and frightening. We could taste the dust in our mouths and felt the grit of sand between our teeth for days. Once we arrived at our new apartment and were emptying the truck, I remember finding fine dust and dirt in our clothes that were packed in the freezer under the tarp. It permeated everything.

We were a one vehicle family. We were so young. I was only 21, my husband 22…with a nine month old baby. I don’t remember when we got rid of the truck or what we replaced it with. I don’t really remember loving it at the time. It was just a necessary piece of equipment to me back then. Now I look back and see it as the “one that got away”.

Maybe someday I’ll run across a truck like this again. Then again…maybe memories like this are best kept just that…memories. I look at the steering wheel of vehicles from that era and there were no safety features. I think seatbelts might have even been optional. And certainly there was nothing like airbags. Once you have been in an accident where the airbags deploy, you’re pretty conscious of the need for such safety features.

For now, it’s just fun to have found a picture of the exact model and color of the truck we had. Although, if memory serves, the roof of ours might have been white.

Memory is a funny thing, isn’t it? I chatted with Husband #1 after I wrote this. I showed him the photo and he said it was close. The one we owned was 4WD. Close enough.

❤️

“I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.”
Psalms 143:5 NIV

Tuesday Truth: When You CAN...Step Away

Tue, 26 Nov 2019 02:30:07 -0600

“It’s OK to step away!”

Do you have trouble stepping away from toxic relationships? Do you find you are people pleasing yourself into a corner? Are you feeling pressed into doing traditional holiday things even though you would rather not? Or maybe you just can’t face your ____________ (insert relative/friend here) this year…or ANY year? Well, I’m going to do something here…pay very close attention.

Step away.

If you need “permission” then, here…I’m giving you permission.

Holidays can be especially difficult if you’re grieving. Or if you have underlying health issues. Or, you know…if you happen to be human. If you are over the age of consent, holidays can be much more painful than they are pleasurable.

For the last month, I’ve been really looking forward to going over to my cousin’s house for Thanksgiving. I don’t get to see her nearly often enough and this year it was for a very brief visit last month. I love to go and stay over a couple of days, but circumstances change. There are health issues with some of the older generation over there. Last year we left here early Thanksgiving morning, drove over, discovered my aunt had fallen and she and my uncle couldn’t attend dinner, so Mr. FixIt and I packed up a dinner for them and drove it to his house. This added another hour of driving…each way. Then, after our Thanksgiving meal back at my cousin’s house, we got in the tuck and drove home. It made for a very long day and was not relaxing nor fun even though it was great to see everyone.

When I returned on Halloween from the six week camping excursion with the rpod and discovered we had a new kitten, everything changed. Now there are no more impromptu trips and I am not up for a drive-by. I took the self-care approach and opted out. Now we can work hard to finish the back bathroom this week and get the sink, toilet, and shower stall out of our living room in time for our family gathering on Sunday.

Sometimes it’s a sibling. Or an aging parent. You may feel guilty for stepping away, but as I tell you so often, you cannot fill someone else with an empty cup. WE are no good to anyone, including ourselves, if we continue putting ourselves in situations that are toxic and abusive.

I know, I know…there are times when you may be the only one that person has. There may be situations where you are a caregiver and there IS no other option. If you feel stuck…it’s ok to look for options. It’s ok to step away and take care of yourself. It’s ok to stay home and eat a hotdog for Thanksgiving if that will give you more peace. Surround yourself with the people who love you and lift you up and celebrate you if that’s what you want to do. But…give yourself permission to stay home if you need to. It’s ok.

❤️

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

Motivation Monday: Kindness Matters!

Mon, 25 Nov 2019 02:30:55 -0600

“Just be kind because…kindness matters!”

I miss Mr. Rogers. I want to go see the Tom Hanks movie while it’s in the theater because I need a giant dose of his goodness. I wonder what he would think of our “neighborhood” now? After a week of watching grown a$$ men on national television acting like petulant two years olds (and I’m not choosing sides here…there was all kinds of nasty all the way around)…kindness seems to have left the building.

But has it really gone away completely? Or is it just buried somewhere below the fold because, like sex, all forms of violence sells much more than kindness? I comb the news everyday for the feel-good stories….for the tales of heroes and shining stars. They’re out there…but man, you sure have to look hard for them.

Let’s look at some inspiring stories that happened this month. After a scheduling snafu at a Waffle House in Birmingham, Alabama left a young man all alone to man the entire restaurant, kind customers noticed what was happening and jumped in to do everything from wash dishes to wait tables and deliver food. No one made a big deal about it. They just got up and helped…no questions asked.

The manager of a New York Bagel shop got a frantic call from a customer. She left her car keys on the counter of the bagel shop. She had left her car running while she ran in to pick up her order and didn’t miss the keys till she was at her destination several hours away. At that point, she was unable to start her car. The shop manager jumped in his car, took the keys to the customer in Pennsylvania, then turned right around and drove back so he could open the store the next morning.

A man with no kids of his own paid off the lunch debt for every child in nine Florida schools.

A boss paid off his employee’s mortgage so the Vietnam vet could retire.

A hospital in Pittsburgh knitted little cardigans and dressed every baby like Mr. Rogers for World Kindness Day.

There are kind people out there. Please don’t let the nastiness we see color the way we see everyone. One of the most important things I learned from the hearings last week is this…Russia is very, very busy sowing seeds of discord in our country. They want neighbor to turn against neighbor. They are the ones sitting back in glee, watching our country self destruct.

I say we fight back. I say we stand up and say enough is enough. When I wasn’t spending every day at the farm anymore, I walked around the perimeter of the property with my grandma’s Bible and proclaimed to the enemy that he had no dominion there to protect the home and property. We can do the same thing for our homes, our cars, our property, our neighborhoods. We can proclaim our boundaries. We can reclaim our lives. We can salvage kindness, and it may not be easy.

Look for the helpers. Ask for discernment and watch out for the insidious encroachment of evil in our midst. Stop reacting to everything and ask yourself, “Is this information true? Where/who is it coming from?” I know you can’t put smoke back in a bottle, but we can sure try to raise the kindness titer in this world by spreading it in our own sphere of influence. There IS good…you just have to change your focus and look for it.

❤️

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,”
Galatians 5:22 NIV

Refill Your Cup

Sun, 24 Nov 2019 02:30:55 -0600

“You can’t fill someone else with an empty cup.”

I met the Coffee Divas from my high school class yesterday. We try to meet once a month or so but I’ve been gone so much this year, it’s been a little less than that. When I returned from my WV tour in the Girl Camper charity raffle trailer, I was really ready to just be at home for a little bit. I wouldn’t say I was burned out…that sounds so negative and it wasn’t a negative kind of feeling at all. I just missed home and missed my sweet Mr. FixIt and I was ready to just be in one place and not move for a while.

There were eight of us at coffee yesterday. We are all so different…yet so similar. We’ve gone through a lot of the same things…sometimes at the same time…sometimes not. The wonderful thing about being “of a certain age” is our ability to relate to so many different experiences. One of my friends lost her mom a year ago Friday. She’s been experiencing all the things the come with that and I was so happy to see her reaching out as she lifts herself up from that slump we all go through in the year after a significant loss.

One of the gals had never been to one of our coffees. She knew some of us but not all. I never knew her in school, but she knew Mr. FixIt. She is introverted, as so many are. And she was stretching her boundaries to reach out and make new friends. That is not an easy thing to do when you’re sixty-six. We welcomed her with open arms. I watched a change come over her as the two hours passed. When she came in, her shoulders were tense…her eyes searching for a familiar face. By the time she left, her eyes danced and her dazzling smile said she had reached a happy place. Her cup was being filled.

As we chatted about the places we find ourselves on this journey, I told the girls we cannot expect to fill others with an empty cup. We have to get replenished…to drink from the well and be filled ourselves. I told them…it is not selfish to practice self-care. I love that we are there for each other…this variety of women whose singular most common thread is the high school class we graduated from.

I feel so much better now after being home a few weeks. I’ve rested. I’m sleeping well. I’ve had lots of hugs from my sweetheart and snuggled my great grandbabies. This week is Thanksgiving. Our plans are fluid. We might go to my cousin’s house. We might just stay home. Our local family Thanksgiving celebration is next Sunday. This is a week for all of us to reflect on the blessings we have…whether we are on the mountain top…or in a dark valley.

This is our time to look for ways to fill up our cups. When I look to God first as my Source, I’m filled with Living Water. When I look to my loved ones second, I’m filled with the blessings He has already given me. As you walk into this week, may you remember to fill your cup first so you can be a fount of inspiration for others. And may you encounter peace and love.

❤️

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Romans 15:13 NIV

Let the Preparations Begin!

Sat, 23 Nov 2019 02:30:00 -0600

“At the end of a dreary, grey day, the sun peeked through the clouds.”

We went to town yesterday to do “Phase 2” of the Thanksgiving shopping. I have a tip for you that will save you TONS of time if you’re shopping at Sam’s. Quite a few years ago, I downloaded the Sam’s app on my phone then never did anything with it. About two weeks ago, I was walking into Sam’s with my phone in my hand. I happened to look down and I had a notification that I was near the store. I clicked on it and the app opened and my Sam’s card popped up on the screen.

Our Sam’s has started checking your member card again upon entry so I just showed the lady my phone and she waved me through. No fishing around in my purse or rummaging through my wallet! I gave the app a cursory glance and saw the button for scanning your items. As I went through the store, I scanned each item before placing it in a box I had found by the front door.

When I was done shopping, I realized I didn’t have a debit card loaded so I sat down in a camp chair in the outdoor section and filled in my info. (I would suggest you do this at home and not out in the middle of everything like I did. Hindsight is 20/20.) Once all my info was in, all I had to do was slide my finger across the screen, my payment went through, and a QR code popped up as my receipt.

When we went shopping yesterday, I showed Mr. FixIt how to do the shopping in the app and it was so slick. No waiting in lines. It cuts your time in the store to a fraction and that suits me just fine.

One thing I will warn you about. When we came into Sam’s, there is always a long display of seasonal items to the left of the door. Yesterday, it was filled with holiday food items and the first display was pumpkin pies. Big…gorgeous…yummy looking pies. I haven’t had a pumpkin pie since last year and I was SO excited. I could hardly wait to get home and cut into it.

It. Was. Awful.

The filling was thick and pasty. The crust was undercooked and flavorless. And there was about twice the amount of pumpkin pie spice in it than was needed. I was SO disappointed. I think I’ll take it back today when I go to town to have coffee with the girls.

I really wanted to get a fresh turkey again this year. Our celebration won’t be until December 1st due to work schedules and the man in the meat department at Walmart said they probably wouldn’t have fresh turkeys that late. We bought a big frozen Butterball Turkey but I’m going to start thawing it WAY earlier than I did last year! I put it in the refrigerator a full five days before I needed it and it was still frozen solid the day before Thanksgiving.

Have any of you brined a turkey? Last year was only the second time I’ve done that and it makes the sweetest, most succulent turkey I’ve ever had. I only rinsed mine off before baking and I should have let is soak for a few hours in cold water to leach off some of the sodium from the brine because it was really salty. Keep that in mind if you decide to do that.

I finally ordered myself a Genuine Granite Ware turkey roaster this year. I got the big rectangular one that will hold up to a 25 pound bird. I haven’t had a Granite Ware roaster in decades. I don’t know what ever happened to my old one. Gone in the downsizing, I suppose. I’ve tried cooking a turkey about every way you can imagine. In a brown paper sack. In a plastic roasting bag. Covered with foil. Uncovered. In an electric roaster. And even deep fried. The best and easiest I have every made was in a Granite Ware roaster, just like my grandma’s.

Granite Ware Covered Rectangular Roaster, 19.5 x 12.88 x 7 Inches - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000050AVD/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_3jj2DbRY14ZRX

Sometimes, you just have to go back to your roots.

❤️

“Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”

Ephesians 5:15-16 NIV

#Thanksgiving, #Turkey, #GraniteWare

Drum Roll, Please...I’m a Girl Camper Guide!

Fri, 22 Nov 2019 02:30:14 -0600

“The Three Girl Camper Amigas…Ginny, Gail, and Janine!”

You’ve heard me refer to a “big project” I’ve been involved with over the last year and the time has come for the big reveal. It all started when my dear friends, Janine Pettit and Gail Bable, were having an impromptu “slumber party”. Janine was driving cross country and called to say she was headed to Gail’s in Ohio to spend the night. I was the same distance away on the opposite side so I threw some things in a bag, kissed Mr. FixIt on the forehead and off I went.

After supper, we were sitting around drinking tea and knitting when Janine said she had something she wanted to talk to us about. She had a vision for Girl Camper…the website that accompanies her Podcast. She told us all about it and we started throwing ideas around. It’s been a lot of work and a whole lot of fun over the last year and now all the work has paid off!

I am now wearing even MORE hats!

There is an all new Girl Camper website! It has so many new features. You can listen to Podcasts. You can read Girl Camper Stories. There is a section called Girl Camper Wisdom and another that features Experts. We have a new Food Editor…Kate Dunbar, the Campground Gourmet! And…Janine is introducing “Girl Camper Guides”. Each state on the map colored red has a Guide. Gail and I are sharing Ohio and West Virginia. Gail writes from her vast experience as a lifelong camper, mother of ten, and camp host extraordinaire! I am writing for Girl Camper Moments. We will have camping and educational events and Meet and Greets in the coming year. And…I am the RPod Ambassador for the Annual Girl Camper Charity Raffle!

We are so excited!

You can browse the site at: www.girlcamper.com

You can visit the Ohio-West Virginia page at: www.girlcamper.com/ohio-west-va

Browse around and see what you think! Leave a comment! Sign up for the newsletter! Listen to Podcasts! It’s a lot of fun…whether you camp or not. In the meantime, I’ll still be here…sharing my daily thoughts with you all.

Thank you all for all of your amazing support!

❤️

“Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, with integrity and godly sincerity. We have done so, relying not on worldly wisdom but on God’s grace.”
2 Corinthians 1:12 NIV

Sensory Overload

Thu, 21 Nov 2019 02:30:59 -0600

“Here’s a soft kitty to take your mind off of things!”

It’s a well known fact…I hate television. I’ve spent long stretches of time in my life without watching TV and have never missed it. But, I’ve always owned one and had basic cable. I found that to be particularly important when I lived alone out at the family farm here in West Virginia. If there was some kind of alert or a national emergency or impending bad weather, it was important to me to be able to tune in for updates. I just never sit in front of the TV watching endless hours of mindless drivel. That is, until the hearings started.

Oh. My. Gosh. I feel like it is my civic duty to watch to see what is happening AND to further educate myself on the material being presented. I have now watched more television over the course of three days than I have watched in the last decade…total. My head is screaming. My eyes hurt and feel like I have sand in them. My ears are ringing. I’m nauseous and agitated. My temper is short. My memory is shorter.

How on earth do people watch TV all the time? Maybe it’s the material. I’m having to concentrate really hard. I also have to pause the proceedings every once in a while and Google a term or a name to keep track of what’s happening. I’m miserable, but I’m bound and determined to see it through to be an informed American.

That being said, there were several times when I had to ask Mr. FixIt to pause the TV and let me have a break. At which point I went outside for kitty snuggles. Every time I opened the door, this little bundle of sweetness came running for me to pick her up and tuck her in my sweater. We walked around and I listened to the steady rumble of her purr. I talked to her softly and told her what a sweet kitty she is. When my attention seemed to wander, she took her paw and gently touched my face to bring me back to her. Sometimes she would move up and snuggle her head right under my chin.

When sanity returned and the kitten went off to chase a leaf or pounce on a branch blowing in the breeze, I came back in and watched some more. It’s oddly addictive, like watching a train wreck and you can’t look away. Which, I suppose in many ways…it is. These are crazy times we live in…no matter what side of the aisle you sit on. I don’t know how much more of this I can watch…AND…I don’t want to miss anything.

With that…let me offer you a little black kitten to look at to take your mind off it all.

❤️

“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalms 139:23-24 NIV

Story Update: Little Gwen

Wed, 20 Nov 2019 02:30:01 -0600

“We’ve been following Little Gwen since she was born with Arthrogryposis. Look…she’s standing!!!”

Last year I wrote about little Gwen. Her grandma is my friend, Jody who graduated with Daughter #1. Gwen was born with Arthrogryposis. I posted a picture of her back then with her little twisted legs and hands. One knee bent completely backwards and her foot sat in front of her face. Her jaw is severely recessed and because of that, her swallowing is restricted. She has had a feeding tube ever since she was a newborn.

God knew what He was doing when He brought Gwen to her family. I can’t imagine any family any better equipped to handle the severe challenges that lay in front of them. They stand up and deliver the very best for Gwen and are her true champions.

Gwen has had more than her share of setbacks in her short life with frequent hospitalizations. In spite of the Arthrogryposis, she has come further than anyone could have imagined. She has the best medical team around and has made great strides.

Her legs are straight now but she still wears braces to help keep them growing right. Her little feet aren’t moving with the braces like they had hoped so she may need to have surgery to fix them. These are difficult decisions for young parents to make. This surgery may help her feet move into a better position. However, it can also condemn her to wearing braces on her legs the rest of her life. That’s a lot to consider. It isn’t an emergency, so Mom and Dad are getting a second opinion.

I wanted to share Gwen’s most recent photo. This picture just warmed my heart. Look at her standing up! I’m so happy for her and her family. They’ve worked so hard to see every little milestone. I know they get discouraged from time to time, but they are the first to get right back up and encourage Gwennie to be her best little self…no matter what life brings her way!

Won’t you join me in lifting Gwen and her family up in prayer? Pray that they find the perfect solution for her little feet. Pray that her body gets strong and that illness stays away from her. Pray for strength and courage, joy and peace for her and her entire family. They are a faith-filled family and know where their every blessing comes from. Praises for her accomplishments.

We love you, little Gwen! Keep up the good work and remember, God is with you always!

❤️

“Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.””
Luke 14:12-14 NIV

Healing and Scars and Joy

Tue, 19 Nov 2019 02:30:14 -0600

“Although grief is never finished, healing can occur and you can use your scars to help others.”

Grief doesn’t run in a straight line. Anything but. We’d love to see the slow and steady climb from that deep, dark valley head right up the side of that mountain to joy. But, unfortunately…it just doesn’t happen that way. Grief runs all skwiggly-skwog…up and down, back and forth, around and around and around.

At first you don’t think you are making any progress at all. You can’t feel anything but pain. You cant see two minutes in front of you. It’s a bloody wonder we survive at all. The world is dark. No color…no sound…and certainly no joy.

One of the things people had the hardest time understanding in my early writing was the “gems in the flames”. I always looked for those gifts God left for me along my path as he led me through the fire. This wasn’t just a Pollyanna attempt to keep my glass half full. This was an exercise in faith knowing that…even in my darkest, most painful moments…my cup was still full to overflowing because Jesus was in that valley with me. Urging me on. Asking me to trust Him and just take one more step.

It’s easy to have faith when things are looking good. When you’re standing on the mountaintop and you’re feeling great, you may even forget to thank God for carrying you through the muck. Or, you might throw a cursory “Thanks!” His way then think “I’ve got this!” No, it’s when you’re down at your lowest…when life is hard and painful and dirty and ugly…and you beg for God to catch you and bring you out of this that you lean in closest.

When you’re walking the road of grief and things hurt so bad and grieving tears your heart out of your chest, you may very well be tempted to take a shortcut. Circumvent the whole process, push that nasty wad of grief way, way down deep inside and slap a smile on your face. Because, let’s face it…that’s what the world is usually asking you to do. “Aren’t you over this yet?” “You just need to _____________” (fill in the blank with any of a zillion suggestions you receive). The sheer variety of platitudes is mind numbing.

Oh, you can try to walk around it or climb under it, but one of these days, that bandage is going to come off and you’re going to have to face grief head on and it’s going to be ten times worse than it was before. At least, that’s what happened with me when I tried to date someone way…WAY too soon after Mr. Virgo died.

Even four years after Mr. Virgo died and I started dating Mr. Fixit, I was still pretty broken. Fortunately, he has a huge heart and an infinite amount of patience with me. He allowed me to talk it all through with him. He’s a great listener. Then one day, I didn’t feel compelled to talk about it as much and my heart truly started to heal.

Mr. Virgo came along when I was in a really vulnerable place. I had gone through a particularly difficult and ugly breakup/divorce five years before. And still, for the first year, that man listened oh so patiently as I went though all the gory details and told him every sad and angry story. He saw the potential and he invested in our love.

Both of these men love me with the white hot heat of the sun. Neither relationship would have ever worked had I not already worked through a lot of the pain of grief…both that of divorce and that of death. Those two men I dated between Mr. Virgo’s death and Mr. FixIt’s arrival though? Oy! I bled all over them from wounds they never caused. It wasn’t fair to them. I hate that I was blind and couldn’t see past my own need for a tourniquet.

Fortunately, I did come to some understanding how unfair it was to another person to try to have a relationship too soon. That’s when I stopped trying to date and started a serious relationship with Jesus. Then…when I was in a much better place…I was ready to open my heart and try again. It isn’t easy. There’s nothing about grief that is easy. And if you are in the throes of it, you will not understand this, but…I’ve come to look at every situation with a level of Joy. Maybe not jump up and down happy-happy joy. But with the Joy of knowing I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and will never, ever leave me. I have Jesus to hang onto when I go through the worst of situations. THAT Joy….that Joy with a capital “J”.

There is Joy in the scars because you have the opportunity to share your story with others. You have the opportunity to reach back to others coming behind you who are trying to find their footing in their pain. Your scars give you the freedom to love others. Your scars give you validity. They show others they aren’t alone. And when you can be there for another who hurts like you once hurt, you give the greatest gift possible. Empathy.

You don’t have to have flowery words. You don’t have to offer Hallmark phrases. You can give a hug, sit quietly, or just be honest and say, “Whew…I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.” It’s isn’t easy to be there for someone who’s in pain, but it is so fulfilling to know you can somehow help another human being when they’re hurting.

Being vulnerable. Being available. Being open and honest. That is where I find my Joy in grief.

❤️

“Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.”
Psalms 30:2 NIV

Nothing’s What it Seems

Mon, 18 Nov 2019 02:30:30 -0600

“The truth isn’t always what it seems.”

The first time I saw a Computer Generated Image I thought, ”Uh-oh…we’re about to open Pandora’s Box here.” I think it’s worse than anyone could have ever imagined. Oh, airbrushed models is one thing. But Photoshop and other programs like it have the potential of wreaking havoc on an already insane world.

My grandkids liked SnapChat when it first came out. They would send funny pictures of themselves with bunny ears or puppy noses. Then the app became more and more sophisticated and there are several filters that can really alter your appearance. True…anyone with a critical eye can tell the photos are filtered, but SnapChat is like the “Fun With Dick and Jane” of photographic manipulation.

I was playing with the app this weekend, trying to come up with something funny to send Little. These were my top picks. I had to laugh at the absurdity of the “what would I look like as a dude” photo. And the one with pink hair was fun. The brooding one with the Barbra Streisand nose was intriguing. But the one of the little girl kind of twisted my heart a little.

Speaking of things not being what they seem, have you been reading about these people who think the earth is flat? Like…really. They’re all over the world. They have conventions and t-shirts and everything. This isn’t fairly innocuous stuff like “Furries” or “Comic Con” or “CosPlay”. These are real people driving cars and voting. And that’s scary as sh…I mean…stuff!

My great uncle totally believed the lunar landing never happened. He says it was all done in a studio because there was no possible way people could actually get to and then walk on the moon. Ok. I can see how he got there in his thinking. He was born at the turn of the century. He witnessed a lot of innovation over his lifetime. He was of a more skeptical generation and from the hills of West Virginia. He was a hard worker and a very good man with no secondary education.

I don’t think we are necessarily talking about uneducated people when we examine the “flat earthers”. It makes me want to smack my forehead and go screaming into the night. I mean…ok, if the world is flat, where is the edge? At what point does it just stop? What keeps the oceans from flowing over the edge? Is there a big wall around it? How do they explain time zones and why it’s night in Paris and daytime in New York…at the same moment? I read an interview with one man who says it’s not like that. He says the world is actually a dome, like in the movie “The Truman Show”.

I don’t understand how people can dispute that base knowledge after over 2000 years of study. It’s not something simple like finding out coconut oil isn’t good for you after all. This is fundamental scientific belief that goes well beyond proving the facts. Conspiracy theorists have been around longer than computers, but the Internet makes it far too easy for such theories to take root and spread like an uncontrolled disease.

I don’t know…maybe my dad was right. Maybe computers and the Internet ARE going to be the end of civilization as we know it.

This is the kind of stuff that keeps me up at night.

❤️

“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.”
Ephesians 4:25 NIV

Good Fences Make Good Neighbors: Setting and Keeping Boundaries

Sat, 16 Nov 2019 02:30:26 -0600

“Setting boundaries is like building a good fence. It keeps life neat and tidy.”

Growing up in a dysfunctional home in the ‘50s and ‘60s with an alcoholic father taught me a lot of things. But how to set and keep boundaries was not one of them. Heck, I didn’t have a clue what the term meant. My family of origin was so codependent, there was very little demarcation between where I ended and where others started.

This carried into my adult relationships. I married men who were equally codependent and it nearly killed me. After Hubby #2 and I split up, I bought Melody Beattie’s book…Codependent No More. It was eye opening. I will never forget the day I drew the line in the sand, creating a kind of demilitarized zone between us. The look on his face was “shock and awe”.

That was the day I began to own myself. I set clear boundaries and expectations. I demanded respect because, for the first time in my life, I felt true self respect. It was liberating. As I’ve gotten older, there are some boundaries set in stone, but others have become a little more flexible offering some give and take while still keeping the searchlights on the perimeter.

I was watching the hearings yesterday for the Impeachment Inquiry. I was impressed at the poise and dignity shown by the former U.S. ambassador, Marie Yovanovitch. She never lost her cool. She answered with the aplomb one would expect from a seasoned diplomat. That is, until one of the female panel members (I’m sorry, I cannot remember her name) started a line of questioning that got personal.

Her question…how did this affect you…elicited a guarded response. “I am a very private person, but…well, it’s been difficult.”

“How has this affected your family?”

Women recognize the look on the ambassador’s face. She was crumbling behind that mask. Then, instead of capitulating and answering, she said, “I’d really rather not answer that…” immediately followed with a sincere, “but, thank you for asking.” That’s a boundary. I know it sounds condescending, but I felt so proud of her in that moment.

Women are programmed from a very young age that it isn’t polite not to answer someone’s question. That’s ridiculous. Just because someone asks does NOT mean you need to answer. This boundary can come in very handy when you are a widow. You can say no. You can change your mind. What sounded great three weeks ago may not work when it comes down to going. It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to change your mind.

I was talking with Daughter #1 last night. She was telling me about Big being on two swim teams…the competitive club team and her high school team. The new high school coach wants all the team members to come to swim practice all the time. So does the club coach. My granddaughter is all of 15 and she has set boundaries for what she can and cannot achieve. They need her because she’s good. She isn’t being a prima dona about it…she just knows her limitations. The coach tried a threatening tactic. “If you don’t come to all the practices, you won’t letter.” “That’s ok I just want to swim with my friends and be on the team I already lettered for swimming .” As a matter of fact, she’s lettered in swimming and academics (STEM) and has been inducted in the National Honor Society. Yeah, she’s good without the threats.

It warmed my heart to hear how my daughter stood up for and respected her own daughter’s boundaries. This is how we raise healthy young women to be strong and stand up for themselves. Because today it’s the swim team. Tomorrow it’s the college professors or coaches or football players. She needs to be able to set and keep boundaries for her own health and safety.

Making and keeping boundaries was a new life skill that I didn’t learn until I was in my 50’s. Now I’m at the point where I relish the opportunities to help younger people establish this skill in their own lives. It’s not only valuable, it’s absolutely necessary to protect your mental and physical self.

❤️

“Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”
Galatians 6:4-5 NIV

Date Night at Rural King

Fri, 15 Nov 2019 02:30:39 -0600

“What a beautiful night for a date at Rural King…my favorite farm store!”

A couple of days ago, Mr. FixIt needed to go into town to get a special drill bit. He’s back to working on our master bath! We have to fit in home jobs when the grass isn’t growing and he’s finished with all the outside jobs he does. When the weather turned cold, I came in off the road from my camping tour and we set to doing the things around here that have been put on hold.

The big outside job Mr. FixIt has been working on is the huge covered front porch he built on the front of his ex-wife’s house. One of my bonus granddaughters told me there are people who don’t understand how I’m ok with that. Well, first off…she’s paying him, so it’s a job. But, beyond that, why on earth would I, or SHOULD I be upset by that?

She is the mother of his children. They share grandchildren and great grandchildren. She’s a wonderful person and I just love her. Our granddaughter told the person she was talking to that she thinks it’s awesome that we all get along and talk to each other. It makes it so much easier for the family if they aren’t being torn by split loyalties. Couples may divorce. But you don’t divorce your family. And as far as I’m concerned, we are all family.

Anyway, he’s finished with all but just a little touch up over there and that has to wait till spring for good weather. And now we’re focused on getting things done at home. That prompted the trip to town. He asked if I wanted to ride along with him. Listen, this man knows me. He didn’t have to ask twice to get me to go to Rural King and Lowe’s.

I love home improvement stores and farm stores. I needed to get a heated water dish for the kitten just to make sure she always has fresh water available. Rural King has them…AND free popcorn! As we came out of the store, the entire sky was bright pink all the way around us. It was like being inside a big pink bubble. I love the sunsets at this time of year. They seem to be so vibrant. After the fun stops, we went to our favorite pizza place…Pete’s Pizza. Honestly…the best pizza I think I have ever had comes out of this little family owned restaurant in Mineral Wells, WV.

I went to the farm yesterday to make sure all is well. I unplugged the pump in case the gas should go off and a pipe should freeze and burst. Wouldn’t want to flood the basement and burn out the pump. This cold spell has kept the Asian Lady Beetles at bay and I only swept up about a half a cup of them this time. I still haven’t been brave enough to go upstairs to look.

When I went into the cellar house to unplug the pump, I saw there was a lot of white, hairy mold growing on the wood of the old potato bin. The cellar house is no longer water tight so it’s always damp in there. Next summer, when we have a dry spell, we need to open up that door and air it out. I also need to spray the mold with a bleach solution, I think. I will do some research on that. It isn’t the black mold that is so toxic. Maybe I’ll take the dehumidifier from the bathroom and put it out there for the winter. That would solve two problems. First, it would decrease the humidity. But a dehumidifier also puts off a fair amount of heat…enough to keep the pipes on the pump from freezing when we get a REALLY cold snap.

When you live in the country, and you have an endless list of chores that need doing, you have to find your date nights where you can get them. Mr. FixIt is a lucky man…I like hardware, power tools…and pizza!

❤️

“The Lord will send a blessing on your barns and on everything you put your hand to. The Lord your God will bless you in the land he is giving you.”
Deuteronomy 28:8 NIV

A New Approach to Winter

Thu, 14 Nov 2019 02:30:56 -0600

“Making choices to find more joy…that’s my approach to winter this year.”

I started dreading winter with a vengeance after Mr. Virgo died. I wasn’t crazy about it a long time before that, but after he died the snow shovel only had one name on it and that was mine. Before long, I began to dread fall because winter wasn’t far behind. While I was out on the West Virginia Tour in the RPod, it began to dawn on me how negative this was becoming.

I can’t change the weather. I can change my geographic location, which I’ve done. Just moving to West Virginia has added at least two full months of warmer weather with a longer growing season. If I wanted to get away from cold weather entirely, I’d have to move much further south and for now, that isn’t in the cards for Mr. FixIt and me.

We love West Virginia. It’s our home…the home of our hearts. It took me a long time to get back here. I’m not about to go someplace else at this point. So, that leaves the adjustment up to me. I saw this meme the other day and it really hit home. I can choose to hate winter, and now fall because winter is right after it. I’ll be miserable and consequently make everyone around me miserable. Because, we’re still going to have the same amount of snow and cold weather no matter if I’m happy or sad.

When I was a little girl and would get upset, my grandma would tell me to just “scratch my mad place and get glad”. In other words, get over it kiddo…you’re not in control of everything. This year I’ve decided to scratch my mad place by embracing all the wonderful things I can do in the colder months that I can’t do in the summer.

I have a much better winter wardrobe than summer. I can look forward to wearing my really pretty sweaters and boots, hats and coats.
I never drink hot beverages other than coffee in the summer. In the fall and winter, I pull out my tea pot and enjoy a cuppa in the middle of the afternoon. Or, I can hug a mug of hot cocoa with yummy, gooey, melty marshmallows in it.
It’s way too hot in the summer to bake so I indulge in trying out new recipes in the cooler months. I’ve always wanted to try my hand at baking sourdough bread. So this winter I’m going to order some sourdough starter and see what I can do.
Winter has given us the break we need from outdoor chores so Mr. FixIt is back at work on the master bath. While he’s doing that, I am going to steam off the wallpaper in the dining room, paint the walls, and put up new curtains. Then we can tackle the main bath.
I haven’t touched my book since February. This winter, in my down time, I’m going to try to wrap that up once and for all then we can focus on getting it published.
We have a new great grandson coming in January!
We always try to get down to Florida in February and that’s something I always look forward to.

Having goals allows me to set joyful things in front of me…something that has helped me ever since Mr. Vigo died. Just reading this list makes me feel far less frustrated by the cold weather. The meme is right…there will be the same amount of cold, no matter what. I might as well embrace it.

❤️

“The animals take cover; they remain in their dens. The tempest comes out from its chamber, the cold from the driving winds. The breath of God produces ice, and the broad waters become frozen.”
Job 37:8-10 NIV

Tell Me About Yourself

Mon, 11 Nov 2019 02:30:15 -0600

“It’s Monday…Let’s do something different!”

It’s Monday! It’s a brand new week and I wanted to do something different. We will be heading into the holidays soon and I’ve been reading posts where people already have their holiday shopping done. And wrapped! I wish I could say the same…but I’ve been a little busy!

Do you, or someone close to you, have an online business that sells gifts appropriate for holiday gifting or decorating? If so, please leave a link to your website or favorite item in the comments. I’m all about supporting small businesses and independent artisans.

Are you a writer, poet, artist, photographer, singer, songwriter, actor, or other creative? Drop a link to your content or social media sites. I’m all about supporting creative people.

Do you have a special talent you’d like to share? Is there something about you that’s fascinating? Do you have a story that needs telling that might help someone else? Tell us in the comments below or give us a link to share. I’m all about promoting people in their efforts to gain a platform.

I was thinking about this in church yesterday. It’s not always all about me. God has given me this wonderful platform to touch the loves of others. It shouldn’t be just through my words. It should also be through yours. Everyone has a story. Everyone has a gift…a talent…a skill. Stories should be told because they will always help someone else. Talents and gifts should be shared as examples of what God does in our lives. We are here to lift each other up and I’d love to start out the week with a stepping stone.

What do YOU do? Where are YOU from? What moves YOU? Let’s learn about each other.

❤️

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.”
Hebrews 13:16 NIV

Walking Among The Headstones

Sun, 10 Nov 2019 02:30:51 -0600

“Walking among the dead, speaking their names.”

I’ve always been drawn to old cemeteries. The headstones that are crooked and worn, the names fading away with time till someday…no one knows who the departed was nor to whom they were dear. There is always a note of sadness in that. I’ve had people say as long as you continue to speak of him and keep him in your heart, he’s still with you. Yes…and no. HIs memory is always and forever with me. He is not. He is gone…never to return. The finality struck me deeply in the second year of my grief journey when I was no longer numb and couldn’t pretend anymore.

What happens to these old headstones and the people they hover over? When no one ever speaks the names because they are gone from the memory of those who came after? In my genealogy research, I visited the graves of my great great grandparents. But I didn’t know them. I had never met them. The only thing I knew were maybe a couple of stories and a glimpse of what they looked like in a grainy photograph of a photograph. My children, grandchildren, great grandchildren? What will they know of them if I don’t tell them or write it down.

That is one of the ripple effects of this blog. What started out as my way of walking through a very dark valley has turned, not only into a chronicle of my life and travels, but that of the generations before me. I hope someday that my great great grandchildren will read the words I’ve set down here and see the photographs I’ve posted. I want them to know and understand their roots. I want them to know ME. Then maybe, when the letters have faded from my own headstone, they’ll have a part of me that still lives on. A legacy, as it were.

It is a Jewish tradition to place a small stone on a headstone you have visited. That way, when others come, they know someone has been there to honor their loved one. I remember the first time I went to visit Mr. Virgo’s grave after someone left something there for him. It was a pack of his favorite cigarettes. I’ve found new stones in the circle surrounding his grave as well as the occasional golf ball or coin. It’s good to know others remember him. His family have largely cut all contact with me, so I have no idea if they ever come to visit him. They all live out of state, so I doubt it seriously.

I only go to Colorado once a year now. I always visit the cemetery as many times as I can. I clean up his grave and replace the stones in the circle. I always leave something to mark when I’ve visited. This past summer, I noticed how grown up the cemetery was because of the heavy spring rains. Yet, Mr. Virgo’s grave was weeded and neat as a pin. I stopped the groundskeeper my last visit of the trip and thanked him. When I moved away in 2014, I pressed a crisp $100 bill in his hand and implored him to look after the grave as I wouldn’t be there regularly anymore. With tears in his eyes, he swore he would. And he has.

The cemetery in this photo is in Twin Falls State Park here in West Virginia. What struck me first was the markers. There were the typical headstones…these with hand carved names indicating the poverty and remoteness of the region and the times. There were also stones at the foot of the grave. This gave a true visual of how many of these graves were occupied by children. The closer these stones were together, the younger the child. Well over half the graves were those of young children. Primitive rural healthcare, rampant infectious diseases, and poverty all contributed to high mortality in children prior to the twentieth century. I found several instances in my own genealogy research where families lost multiple children within days of each other.

I don’t know that visiting graves is something that interests the younger generations. I was raised going. We even had picnics in the cemetery on Decoration Day where my paternal ancestors are buried. I took my kids, but I don’t know that they will continue that with their own children. Maybe when they are older and feel their own mortality creeping in. We all seem to change our priorities as we approach the finish line, don’t we?

❤️

““Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?””
1 Corinthians 15:55 NIV

Baby, It’s Cold Outside!

Sat, 09 Nov 2019 02:30:22 -0600

“The cold, arctic air is hitting deep into the south in the coming week.”

I think Mother Nature has other ideas for me than traveling through the Blue Ridge Mountains through an Arctic cold front. Last week, I had every intention to knock out the arm-long list of things that needed my attention and be back on the road by this time. Then, I got home. And got a real look at what needs done around here. The temps have gotten increasingly colder day by day with next week looking even worse. To top that off…there’s the new kitten. We can’t just up and leave now. It’s going to take more planning than it has in the past. That’s not to say we won’t be going anywhere, but honestly…I do not want to be off somewhere and not be able to get back because of bad weather.

In the meantime, we’ve been hustling around the farm and the Ponderosa battening down the hatches before the coldest weather of the year arrives. The top of the agenda was the pool. We really needed to get the level down and unhook the pump before last night as the low this morning was predicted to be 22°. Mr. FixIt worked all day Thursday in the cold rain and got that finished. Now we just need to get the cover over it and it’s put to bed for the winter. I emptied the food from the r-pod and turned off the refrigerator yesterday in preparation for the coming cold snap.

Cold weather is perfect for a big pot of homemade soup. When I was at the store Thursday, asparagus was on sale for $.99 a pound. I bought two pounds and made a pot of Cream of Asparagus soup. I’ve never made it before and it was divine! I made enough for four big bowls for under $4.00! Here’s the recipe should you wish to try it.

Cream of Asparagus Soup

2 lbs. fresh asparagus, washed, trimmed, and chopped in 1” pieces

1 large onion, chopped

4 tbsp. unsalted butter

4 cups chicken broth

1 cup heavy cream

Salt and pepper to taste

1/4 tsp. Lemon juice

Melt butter in soup pot and add onion and chopped asparagus. Stir over medium heat till onion begins to become transparent. Add chicken broth. Cover and simmer over low heat till asparagus is very soft. Remove from heat and purée using a blender, food processor, or hand held blending wand. Return to heat, add cream, and bring just to a boil. Add lemon juice and salt and pepper to taste and serve hot or cold.

It was delicious and so quick and easy to make. Mr. FixIt said he had never had Cream of Asparagus soup before and he loved it!

Today’s culinary circus will include a Sour Cream Apple Pie and Homemade Ooey Gooey Macaroni and Cheese! These are the days I love…the days I’ve worked so hard for this year. What’s cooking in YOUR kitchen today?

❤️

“Give us today our daily bread.”
Matthew 6:11 NIV

Dying For a Sandwich?

Fri, 08 Nov 2019 02:30:16 -0600

“Popeye’s chicken sandwich…does it live up to the hype? Meh.”

Who remembers the Cabbage Patch Kid shortage of 1983? Parents were beating each other over the heads to get the last doll so little Susie wouldn’t be disappointed come Christmas morning. There were adults…fighting over a toy…at Christmastime. Peace on Earth…fa-la-la-la-la!

Then, there was the McRib from McDonald’s. Shortages caused a feeding frenzy the likes of which would make any Great White proud. And now? Now people are getting killed. Over a sandwich.

Over the weekend, a man in Maryland cut in the “sandwich only” line at a Popeye’s and another customer took exception to this breach of fast food etiquette. They took it outside and it left one man dead and another on the run.

A woman in California drove her Mercedes around a line of cars at a Popeye’s drive-through so she could cut in at the front of the line, not giving a flip that she was literally ripping the side off her ‘cedes on the cement barrier that was put there to, you know…prevent this sort of madness from occurring.

People jumping over counters and beating fast food workers because they ran out of the sandwiches. People threatening to kill everyone in the restaurant if they didn’t get that coveted piece of fried fowl on a bun…with two slices of pickle and a dab of mayo.

What in the name of all things holy is going on in this world? Are we as a society this depraved? What is spurring this? I don’t know…was this a brilliant sales strategy from the folks on Madison Avenue? Did someone say… “I know…we’ll make a sandwich and we will tell everyone it is the best d*** sandwich they have ever tasted in their entire lives. We’ll give them some. We’ll interview some of the lucky few who got to taste it and they’ll all say… “OMGosh! It’s truly the best d*** sandwich I have ever had in my entire life!!!” And then we’ll say, “See? We told you so!” And then….THEN…we run out, see? We tell people, “You all love this sandwich SO much…we just couldn’t keep up!!! We’re going to go regroup and down the road (closer to the holidays…on a Sunday, when Chick-fil-A is closed…on National Sandwich Day) we’ll bring it back! We promise!!!”

So, what happened? You guessed it…they’re “facing shortages” again. And the violence continues. I was in town yesterday. It was lunch time. I drove down the main drag and there was Popeye’s. And…no line! I thought…I’ll just see what all the hype is about. I pulled in, ordered my sandwich and a soda, and pulled off to the side to eat.

Was it good? Yeah, I have to admit, it was tender and juicy and flavorful. Did I swoon? Ummmm…no. I don’t usually swoon over food unless it’s cooked by a 5-Star Chef. It’s fast food. It’s a sandwich. As I munched slowly, I perused the internet reading about the atrocities committed in the name of 660 calories of greasy bird breast on bread.

I think I have an inkling of what’s playing out here. Remember the movie with the line, “I’m mad as hell…and I’m not gonna take it any more”? Remember people went to their windows and shouted at the world? People are mad as hell these days. They’re mad about everything and they want to be a part of something bigger than them. They want to BE somebody. They want to be included. They want some sort of bragging rights. And, for under $5, they can be somebody SPECIAL. They can say… “I was there!” “I had one!” “It was the BEST d*** chicken sandwich I ever had!”

It’s like a last ditch effort and if it doesn’t work out, they’re taking everyone down with them. It’s crazy. It’s chaos. It’s a SANDWICH!

Momentum marketing. Social media exploding with pictures and over-the-top hyperbolic reviews ( because that’s what drives the clicks). A lot goes into rolling out a new menu item for a fast food chain. Research, limited releases in obscure little places to test the waters, intricate calculations of probable demand. This is the way it’s always been done. But we live in a different world now. We are a nation of sheep. And when someone yells “FIRE!”, we are far more likely to run INTO it than away. Not all of us…certainly. But way, WAY too many.

I had heartburn the rest of the day. Pass the Tums.

❤️

“But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.”
1 Corinthians 14:40 NIV

And So...It Begins

Thu, 07 Nov 2019 02:30:17 -0600

“One week. Two vet visits. Still in love!”

The tale of the little black kitten continues. If you’ve been following along, Mr. FixIt broke the news to me gently over breakfast last week that he’d been seeing another woman. Young, sleek, athletic, this raven-haired beauty had stolen his heart when I so ruthlessly left him to his own devices at the Ponderosa. At first, I was stunned that he could so blithely betray me in such a way. And without even a touch of remorse, too! Humph!!!

Then, just a few hours later, I met her myself. I was determined to not like her. I didn’t WANT her in my life. I liked things just the way they were, thank you very much. But, as I was unhooking the camper, Mr. FixIt stole away to find his little lady-friend and bring her ‘round to meet me. She ran to me with wild abandon and every shred of resolve I had to NOT like her dissolved on the spot.

And…we were cat owners. Well…as much as you can actually OWN a cat.

I took the kitten, now appropriately named Pumpkin to fit in with the whole black-cat-on-Halloween vibe, to the vet on Tuesday for her first shots and a thorough exam. She has obviously been handled by people because she isn’t in the least bit worried about anything. After the initial “get me out of this box” dance in the cat carrier, she settled in quite easily. Everyone at the vet’s office remarked how incredibly laid back this kitten is.

She weighs a little over four pounds. Healthy and sleek. Her lab tests showed she does not have feline leukemia nor does she have intestinal parasites. They figured she is around three months old. They gave her the appropriate vaccines and sent us on our way. In two minutes, she was asleep in the carrier and slept all the way home.

I fed her some kitten food, she demonstrated her excellent litter box skills (I didn’t have to train her, by the way) and readily went inside her nice warm kitty condo in the pole building for a well deserved snooze. I came out to check on her a couple of times and each time, she was more and more lethargic.

I called the vet’s office and they said kittens can get reactions like our own babies did when they got their shots and she should be fine, just to watch her. Well, yesterday morning she was even worse. She wouldn’t purr, and when I turned her over in my arms for a cuddle, she cried pitifully and tried to nip at me. I knew this wasn’t right so I called the vet again. They asked me to bring her in for a look.

Turned out, she was running quite a fever. They needed to give her fluids subcutaneously and a dose of an anti inflammatory to get her fever down. I took her home afterward and by evening she was much, much improved.

One of my dearest friends is quite the cat person, so I was sharing all the details with her yesterday. Diane knows me well. I could just see the look on her face as she read about the “first real emergency”. I think eye-rolling might have been involved just before the “lol”. I’m a bit of a princess. Maybe ever so slightly “high needs”. I think it’s only fitting that God sends me a kitten to love who is, perhaps, a “Delicate Flower 2.0”, as Diane put it.

Kismet. Karma. God has a sense of humor.

The thing is, I haven’t loved an animal for a long time. Oh, we had Cricket…Mr. Virgo’s little Yorkie-Maltese mix who was already ten years old when we met. Cricket was hard to be head over heels in love with. She barked incessantly and did her business anywhere she darn well pleased in my house. She did not like my grandchildren because she did not understand what these little aliens were. I loved her because she was one of God’s creatures, and because she was Mr. Virgo’s. I loved Old Mama Kitty, but I couldn’t pick her up and hold her. I loved my black lab, Sidney. And then there was that dog of my heart, Boofer…oh, I was crushed when she had to be put down with a brain tumor at only seven.

No, I had closed off my heart to pets. I swore I would never go down this road again. Then, this little ball of fur came bounding into my arms and something opened up in my chest that I didn’t even realize was closed. Something all soft and sweet and vibrant, like the purring of a thousand kittens, vibrated in my heart and I became just a little bit more…alive.

❤️

“The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”
Proverbs 12:10 NIV

Safety on the Road

Wed, 06 Nov 2019 02:30:14 -0600

“Being safe in the woods means staying aware of your surroundings and listening to your gut.”

There were only two times on this last trip that my antennae went up as I paid close attention to what was happening around me. The first time was when I was at Calhoun County Park trying to see a meteor shower. This park only has eight campsites in the first place. And I was there in the middle of the week after school started so there was no one up there camping. There were people in the community building both evenings but they didn’t come over near me.

Sometime after dark on the second night, a car drove slowly by my camper out to the end of the park and stayed there for about ten minutes. I turned off all the lights in the camper and peeked out from behind the blinds. The car came back and just drove right on by without slowing down, so the tension in my shoulders eased. Mr. FixIt told me he very nearly came out to camp with me out there but he resisted the urge.

The second time I was even remotely concerned was at the last campground I stayed. Twin Falls is stunningly beautiful, as you can tell by the photos I took. But the campground itself is located on the very top of a long and winding mountain, pretty far away from the main park buildings. At this time of year, the campground office and store is closed and there wasn’t a campground host.

On the first night, I read the story about the couple who were boondocking on South Padre Island and went missing. Then surveillance video showed a man and woman, not the owners, driving the truck and camper across the border into Mexico. They were later found buried in shallow graves on the beach. This freaked me out, I will not lie. The next evening, the man who was camping over on the next row walked through the woods between us to come talk to me when I pulled in after spending time at the lodge, writing.

He told me he had tried to flag down the park worker who had just driven through the campground on a side-by-side but couldn’t catch his attention. He also said he didn’t have a phone so he couldn’t call anyone. He told me someone had come to the bath house earlier in the afternoon and their car was there for a couple of hours. After they had gone, this man went over to the bath house and someone had smeared feces all over one of the stalls in the men’s room.

Ok, that was creepy, but the man seemed harmless enough. After all, he introduced himself by name. And I know stuff happens in campgrounds. I know how to handle myself and to watch what’s going on. I told him I would let someone at the park office know what had happened and he was grateful. As he turned to leave, he swung back around with a big smile and said, “I suppose you saw me all over the news last night!”

Um…no, I did not. I thought to myself…what did you do that put you on the news?

I swung the door of my truck closed. Then he proceeded to tell me he rode his bicycle all the way from California to look for the father he never knew. Apparently the news had followed him across the country on his quest. I wished him luck finding his dad and I went to tell someone about the men’s room.

That was the night when the truck started making a grinding noise and the first thing that went through my head was “What do I do if I get stuck here? What if the bathroom vandal came back? What if “Bicycle Man” wanted to get friendly?” My imagination started to get the better of me and I had to pray myself to peace. And ask my gal pals to pray for me as well. And, I texted Mr. FixIt to come “help me check out this truck”.

I wasn’t really scared. But I was leery. And I was tired and a little road weary after six weeks of camping. It didn’t hurt a bit to get my strong, capable husband to come help me out and be my encourager. He told me he ran into one of my friends at the mall that week. She had been reading about my journey and she told Mr. FixIt she didn’t think she could do that and didn’t I get scared?

“Nope! She’s the bravest woman I know!”

Knowing he feels that way about me, and that he worries but lets me have my lead, makes me feel wonderful. I have spoken with my closest friends about this….I could never, EVER have done what I’m doing while I was married to Mr. Virgo. Not only did I lack the self confidence, but he would NOT have liked me being gone. He didn’t like me being gone for the weekend to Denver to see the kids. He wouldn’t have stood for me being gone the majority of six weeks. As a matter of fact, when we first started dating, he said he wasn’t interested in dating someone who wanted to spend much time apart.

Mr. Virgo liked me being right there with him. When he watched TV, he liked me to watch TV with him. He didn’t like it if I was on the computer or the iPad or the phone either. Because, he wanted to discuss the show with me during the commercials. I did these things because I loved him, not because I loved watching TV. When you’re married, you do things sometimes that you don’t particularly enjoy. It’s called compromise.

Mr. FixIt came into my life when I was a free-spirited, independent, remote-camping gypsy who spends long hours writing. He knew what he was getting and gives me space to grow and spread my wings. That’s one of the things I love about him. I make it up to him by traveling and going to the beach and never saying a word about his bowling two nights a week. I cook him yummy meals and take him camping whenever I can. We treat each other with respect, honoring each other’s interests, and we have a lot of fun together.

It’s a win-win for us both.

❤️

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Ephesians 5:33 NIV

Does Time Heal All Wounds?

Mon, 04 Nov 2019 02:30:36 -0600

“Does time heal all my wounds? Not in my time…but in God’s time.”

I’ve been struggling a little with re-entry. The rhythm of the road is different than that at home and I always have a bit of a hard time adjusting. It’s a little like the let down after the holidays…you know, when you have to get back to reality. Not that it’s a bad thing. It’s just always a little sad when the party is over.

Yesterday morning I woke up at what seemed like a reasonable time with the time change. As I stretched and thanked God for letting me open my eyes to face another day, I went through my morning inventory. I noticed I felt a little down so I searched around in my mind as to what might be going on beyond the normal re-entry slump.

Then it came back to me. I was having a dream when I awoke. In my dream, I was sitting at a desk, going through my calendar, and realized it had been over six-and-a-half years since I had spoken with Mr. Virgo. In the dream, he hadn’t died…I had just seemed to have lost contact with him. I was really confused, like…did I go someplace and forget him? Did I tell him I’d call him when I got there and then just…didn’t? If that was the case, then why hadn’t he tried to contact me? What on earth was keeping him so tied up that he couldn’t find the time to text or call me? Then, of course, I woke up. And reality is reality. He is gone. I am here and happily married to Mr. FixIt. So, why did I have such a dream?

There aren’t answers to that, really. I believe it was Freud who said, “a cigar is sometimes just a cigar”. There’s no reason to psychoanalyze every little thing. We have dreams. Things happen. Life moves with its own rhythm. Still, dreams like that can stir something deeper and create a ripple in the force.

The day went on and was lovely. Church, breakfast, errands, a nice Sunday afternoon snooze. Then, I went into the bedroom for something and had that old familiar urge to call my mom. I always called her on Sunday evenings. I miss those calls and it made my heart ache a little. Then I thought of my kids and how busy they are and they don’t call me on Sunday evenings and…

That particular snowball had to stop right there. It doesn’t do any good to go down that road and make myself miserable over things I have no control over. There are wounds that heal with time. They become so small they don’t even leave a scar. There are wounds that heal and leave visible scars. Then there are those that not only have the scars, but also have varying degrees of pain. Like the phantom pain of a leg long gone or a throbbing knee when it rains.

Grief and time. I see them like those models of DNA. A twisted ladder, connected and spiraling. Never really finished. Never quite tangible. Always affected by our emotional temperature. No…time doesn’t heal all wounds. But, God does. When I remember to stop trying to handle hot coals with my bare hands and give them to my Father to carry, my wounds are bound up. It’s just the remembering to turn them over that trips me up every time.

❤️

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Psalms 147:3 NIV

Back to the Comforts of Home

Sun, 03 Nov 2019 02:30:13 -0600

“My little office on the go in the R-Pod 196”

One thing I really was challenged by with I was touring West Virginia was internet accessibility. If it weren’t for the fact I’m a writer and I had deadlines to meet, I wouldn’t have really cared. But when you write every day, for yourself and for others, you have to be creative in how you stay connected.

There was a delicate balance I walked. On the one hand, I needed accessibility. On the other, I craved getting lost in the woods. I chose campsites based on the view first. I always looked at the campground maps when I made my reservations and chose the one off by itself. The one with the view….the quiet…the peace. My second criteria was electric. I didn’t really need water or sewer hookups. The r-pod has plenty of water tank capacity, both fresh and wastewater.

My last question was always, “Where can I get cell or wifi?” There were campgrounds I stayed in that had neither. In that case, I drove to the lodge to use theirs. There was one campground that had AT&T, but not Verizon. This picture was taken in the kitchen of the r-pod while I was camped at Watoga. I was pleased when the camp-host said the campground has WiFi at both bath houses. Then he added, “It’s really slow, though.”

He wasn’t kidding. One little bar. As a matter of fact, every place I stayed had either one little bar of cell or one little bar of WiFi. It was a tad frustrating. Anyway, there at Watoga I happened to be camped right beside the bath house. And, if I was away from that window, I couldn’t send or receive anything. I stood a lot at that window when it was time to upload my posts or check my e-mail or Facebook. This was my little office that particular week.

I was telling Mr. FixIt about this the other night when he came to camp with me at Twin Falls. I told him I used to complain about the WiFi at home. Now it’s going to feel like high-speed fiber-optics! Well, until I get used to it and then I’m liable to complain again at how slow it is.

Yesterday was a much better day. Mr. FixIt and I went to town to buy a warming pad and a storage tote to make Pumpkin a nice warm bed out in the pole building. We also bought a litter box. We already had the feeding dish/water bowl combo. I think Pumpkin is a girl but we’ll know for sure when we take her in to get her shots and checkup on Tuesday. Now I feel really good about her bedding situation and she has already come to love the building. I think she feels safe in there.

I’m so excited to go to my home church today. I have really missed my church family! I’m heading out to the farm this afternoon after church to get the house ready for winter. And then there will be far less items on that very long to-do list. Giving myself permission to have some down time with family and falling in love with a little black kitten just might be the best things I’ve done for myself in a very long time.

❤️

““Show me, Lord, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting my life is.”
Psalms 39:4 NIV

Meet.....Pumpkin, the Kitten!

Sat, 02 Nov 2019 01:30:07 -0600

“Kitty has an appropriate Halloween name…Pumpkin!”

I hit the ground running yesterday. The first order of business was to haul the camper to the nearest dump station…a lovely fifty-four mile round trip drive out to and up the interstate and back. When I woke up at 8:00, it was a whopping 36 degrees. Two hours later, when I was finally hooked up and ready to go, it was all the way up to 37! Ohhhhh, I really wasn’t looking forward to that, but it had to be done. Last night’s overnight low was predicted to get down to 27 and stay there for four hours. That’s when you get freezing and possible damage to water lines in a camper.

The only way I have ever winterized a camper was to run pink RV antifreeze through the lines. But this camper is different. I looked it up on YouTube and it said to open the drains, dump the tanks, pour some antifreeze in the wastewater tanks to keep any residual from freezing, and take out the element in the hot water heater. Then, you go around and turn on each faucet, one at a time, and turn on the water pump. Any residual water left inside should drain out through the low water drain. It worked like a charm! But, man…I was chilled to the bone when I was done.

I pulled the camper back home and unhooked, fully expecting to head back to town and run errands on my list that’s a mile long. As I sat in the truck, I took inventory. Have you ever had to sit yourself down and give yourself a stern talking to? Well, that was me yesterday. I was feeling overwhelmed by the expectations I was placing on myself. No one else was telling, or even asking, me to get everything done. I counted up what I had already accomplished. I looked at the list to see what I could do alone, and what I would need Mr. FixIt’s help with. I checked off the list of phone calls I had already made. Then I took a physical inventory. My shoulders and neck were so tense and tight, I was getting a headache. My body was just…tired. So…I gave myself permission to kick back for the rest of the day.

I got out of the truck and the little black kitten came running and rubbed against my legs. I reached down and picked it up and really gave it a good once-over. Well, except for checking the nether regions. It still just didn’t occur to me to look. I was more interested in testing the kitten’s demeanor. One of the tests you do with puppies is to cradle them in your arm on their backs to see if they trust you. An alpha won’t have anything to do with that. And that may be a more stubborn, if not aggressive, animal. I didn’t know if it worked with cats, but this little baby let me roll it over and snuggle and scratch it all over. It purred like an Evinrude motor on a power boat. It head butts you to snuggle face to face and taps you very gently on the face. What a precious baby!

I held it up to look face to face.

“What is your name, little one? Hmmm? Is it…Spooky? You’re a black little who came to me on Halloween. It should be a festive name to commemorate the holiday. How about Snickers? You’re pretty sweet, and that’s my favorite Halloween candy. Someone suggested Ash or Asher, but I don’t know whether you’re a boy or girl. They thought Boo was cute, but that’s what we call our little Boone, now isn’t it.”

By this time, I was at the bay doors on the pole building. There is an old kitchen stool there and Mr. FixIt put a couple of our pumpkins on it. I plopped the kitten down and took a picture. I looked up from the camera app on my iPhone and smiled.

“Pumpkin! THAT’S your name, isn’t it?!?! I knew if I listened close enough, you’d tell me, you sweet little snuggle-bug.” I picked up the kitty and was again serenade with that mystical sound of purring. Now that the kitten has a name, Pumpkin just rolls off my tongue. So sweet, so simple. Such simple pleasures found in a sweet kitten. I had forgotten. The last time I had a kitten this size, I was in 9th grade and I talked my mom into letting me have a little orange marmalade kitten from my friend Sharon’s cat.

I gave the kitten a little more snuggle time and then went in to stretch out and read till Mr. FixIt came home. My nose was running like a sugar tree from handling the cat, but I wasn’t wheezing. That was a good sign. I washed my hands well, and was careful not to touch my face or eyes. I’m definitely allergic, but we’ll see how much of this I can get away with. Because this feels like something I didn’t even know I needed. Kittens are good medicine.

I have an appointment Tuesday for a checkup and shots. We’ll see how old Pumpkin is and when we can get him/her fixed. Today I will fix a winter box with a pet safe heating pad in it. I had those for the cats out at the farm. I’ll also get a heated water dish. The kitten seems to really like the safety of the building. We won’t have any mice in there anymore once this one gets big enough to catch them. And, there isn’t any poison in there. It’s a good, clean, safe place to sleep all cozy warm in a kitty condo. When we are home, the kitten is glued to us so…I think we’ve got this!

Oh, and I slept in the house for the first time in a month last night. I feel like I’m in prison after the freedom of the road. It’ll take time to acclimate, but last night’s low of 27 drove me back inside. In the meantime, I am filled with wonderful memories of the latest “Great Adventure”!

❤️

“You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.”
Isaiah 55:12 NIV

Re-Entry Begins!

Fri, 01 Nov 2019 01:30:08 -0600

“And, just like that…two became three.”

It was a very long day yesterday. I ended up pulling the camper myself with my truck and it did fine. Mr. FixIt is pretty sure the problem was a rock in the brakes. We’ll get it checked before we head anywhere with it. That was a big relief.

The weather yesterday was terrible driving home. We came through some torrential rain and as soon as we got home, the weather channel gave a tornado warning from the same storm. There are thousands without power from the wind. It seems I got home just in time for some wintery weather. I’ll have to winterize the camper after all…something I was hoping to avoid by heading south. We’ll still get there, but there’s quite a lot of work that needs to be done here at the Ponderosa before we can leave. The cold weather just caught up with me, I’m afraid.

As I’m writing this, I am home and snuggled in bed…in the camper! I can’t give it up yet. Re-entry has always been a problem for me. I love sleeping in a camper and this camper is especially comfortable. So, we’ll try a little cold weather camping this week and see how she does. After all, we’re out on five acres…it’s like our own little campground!

Another little thing happened yesterday. My world shifted. Mr. FixIt sat me down after breakfast yesterday and told me he had something to tell me. Oh, what woman wants to hear THAT? It seems, that while I was gone Mr. FixIt has been keeping company with someone else…a little black kitten that someone dumped at the Ponderosa. He’s been feeding it. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say. I’ve been determined to never have another pet. Then, when I got out of my truck at the house, this little black fur ball came running to me like it had been waiting its whole little life for ME! I’ve never seen such a friendly cat and my heart melted.

And, like that…two became three.

We have a cat!

❤️

“There is no fear in love...”
1 John 4:18 NIV

Premonitions and Pioneers

Wed, 30 Oct 2019 01:30:07 -0600

‘Visiting a Pioneer Farm is a step back in time.”

Yesterday was a strange day from the get go. I woke up at 3:30 in the morning knowing something wasn’t right. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. After determining I hadn’t eaten anything that would cause such a feeling, I got up, wrapped my camp jacket around me and stepped outside to look at the stars. The sky was crystal clear and the stars looked so close you could just reach up and touch them. I stood there for awhile in my bare feet letting the energy from the earth seep up through my body. When I was sufficiently chilled, literally and figuratively, I went back to bed. But I couldn’t get back to sleep until dawn.

I finally woke up at around 10:00…absolutely unheard of for me these days. I’m usually awake with the chickens. I stumbled around, did my morning toilette, then dressed and cleaned the camper. Finally around 11:30, I packed up my writing implements and headed for the lodge and good WiFi. I created a movie of the best photos I’d taken on this WV tour and wrote till about 3:00 in the afternoon.

I headed to the Pioneer Farm that’s on the back of the park property. This farm was abandoned for a long time, but people were always vandalizing it so now there is a farmer and his family living here. There was no one home when I was there so I wandered around taking pictures and marveling at its timeless beauty. I sat for a while and watched two horses and a donkey browse on the sparse grass in the meadow and felt more peaceful than I had most of the day.

On my way back to the campground, I stopped at the Nature Center and introduced myself to the Naturalist. Tammy is a cat bird. She has a coal country drawl that put me in mind of the Deep South but she assured me she was born and raised within a stone’s throw of the park. She apologized that she had recently let all the critters go. She normally traps possums and raccoons, tags them, and keeps them in the Nature Center for a few weeks to teach people about them. Then she sends them back off into the wild to track their whereabouts and traps another one to tag.

Tammy wasn’t originally hired to be a Park Naturalist. She was supposed to be a campground attendant. She doesn’t have a degree in biology, but she has a knack for nature…two and four legged. She was taking campers for nature hikes when the Park Administrators saw they had a gem in Tammy and told her she should apply for the Naturalist position. And the rest is history. She was a delight to talk with. She smiled as I left and called after me…”Put me in your book!” You bet I will, Tammy!

As I was pulling back into the campground, it happened. There was a low grinding noise coming from my truck and I knew that is where my uneasiness was coming from. Something hasn’t been quite right with the truck for a couple of days but I just couldn’t discern exactly what was troubling me. A sound, maybe? A smell, perhaps? Whatever it was, I kept shifting it to the back of my mind…yet still monitored the situation.

When I heard that noise, I knew there was something mechanically wrong with the truck. And that puts me in an uncomfortable position. First, I am here alone. There are two other campers in all of the campground and I am grateful for them. But they aren’t going to help me in this situation. I do not like being in a situation I cannot get out of quickly. It stems from being trapped in a garage as a young child and sexually assaulted. To say I have control issues is putting it mildly.

I went into the camper and made myself sit down and think. What I wanted to do was hook up the camper and get out of here, but of course…that wasn’t the right thing to do. I texted Mr. FixIt but I knew he was working and his phone would be in the truck. Then I texted my besties, Janine and Gail, and asked them to pray that I would calm down and everything would work out. Within minutes I felt much better and realized this whole thing is an adventure and an educational opportunity, so why not make the most of it!

Mr. FixIt called me a few hours later and he’s going to drive down this morning. He’ll check out my truck. We can tow the camper with his truck. And, either he’ll follow me to a mechanic or we’ll have the truck towed. That’s what I have AAA Plus for. We’ll go home tomorrow. I am so grateful for my friends who pray for me. And I am exceedingly grateful for a wonderful husband who takes good care of me. Wouldn’t you know it would happen at the last park on the last day? But I’m exactly where I should be. I have everything I need right here and I can get some work done while I wait. Thank God I wasn’t pulling the camper up the side of the mountain with no cell service!

❤️

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:19 NIV

Welcome to my Living Room!

Tue, 29 Oct 2019 01:30:00 -0600

“The camper is the kitchen, bath, and bedroom…the great outdoors is where I live!”

I got to my new campsite in the middle of the afternoon. The mountains I drove over yesterday weren’t anything like the ones last week but man, the road up into the campground here at the park is really, really steep! This truck did a great job pulling the r-pod in these West Virginia hills. When I arrived at my site, I was amazed to have this entire mountaintop to myself! I didn’t have any concerns about that, but I was pleased to see two more couples come into the campground with trailers.

It’s quiet as a church mouse up here. I heard some owls just after dark and a coal train. And the squirrels were in the hickory trees all around me all afternoon. I opened the awning and set up my chair outside and enjoyed the 75° temps and the warm sunshine. A few weeks ago, I purchased an adapter for my tripod so I could use the iPad as a camera. I got it out and played with it for awhile. I had a blast setting the timer for 10 seconds then running to see if I could get in the picture in time!

I wanted to tell you about what happened yesterday. I always sit in my truck before I pull out and pray for travel mercies. I list off all the things I’m going to be talking with Him about as I drive. Then I pray the Prayer of Jabez and ask Him to send me whoever He needs me to talk with that day. I hadn’t driven a hundred feet when I came around a corner and there was a whole crowd of folks my age sitting around a campfire. I stopped and rolled down my window.

“You kids look like you’re having entirely too much fun!”

“Oh, we are!!!” Everyone turned around and smiled and waved. We made some small talk and one of the gals asked if I was traveling alone. I told her all about Girl Campers and how I’m taking this camper around for a few months and we are raffling it off. One thing led to another and the subject of my writing came up. When I told them my writing is faith based and that I even have a Sunday Evening Prayer Circle, one woman came over and took my hand and asked if I would pray for her granddaughter who is sick with ulcerative colitis. I opened my blog and added her name to the prayer list. Before I left them, I took their hands and prayed with them…right there in the campground. God is so good…I asked, He delivered. Immediately! I know it happens so often, I shouldn’t be amazed. But I am always in awe at that.

I’m in the home stretch of the West Virginia tour now. Just one, maybe two more nights and I’ll be back at the Ponderosa for a few days. It’s been such an amazing trip and I’ve seen some beautiful places. I’m looking forward to heading south next week. If you all have any recommendations for campgrounds or state parks in Virginia, Tennessee, North Carolina, and South Carolina…I’d love to hear them!

❤️

“Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.” Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.”
1 Chronicles 4:9-10 NIV

Rounding Out October

Mon, 28 Oct 2019 01:30:32 -0600

“Bluestone Lake is gorgeous this time of year.”

Today is moving day so that means I get to tell you where I have been the last few days. I arrived at Pipestem Resort State Park on Thursday. I’ve been here before, but never camping. There’s a tram that takes you down in the canyon to the lower lodge that sits on the Bluestone River. There is a restaurant, gift shop, and artisan center on the canyon rim at the top of the tram. There is an equestrian center, golf course, pool, recreation center, nature center and a main lodge with every amenity you could want.

The campground is large. The interior sites have full hookups and are pretty close together. The sites around the perimeter are roomier and of course they back up to woods. There is a very large camping area with no hookups. I was told there is a major upgrade coming adding more service sites and leveling them out…something that is sorely needed.

The weather has been typical WV autumn…unpredictable. Yesterday dawned sunny and clear but within an hour we were socked in with clouds. Then, by 3:00, it was sunny again clear through sunset. The foliage is still beautiful but is definitely past the peak of color. This happens where we get cold, rain, and wind…which we had last night.

I drove over to Bluestone State Park yesterday. There is a large dam on the Bluestone River which has created a large lake. The park is smaller, less developed, and more remote then Pipestem which is less than ten miles away. There is one main campground with a few full service sites and electric only sites. There is a more primitive and rustic campground on up the road. The primitive campground sits right on the lake and is popular for fishing.

One thing I thought was pretty cool. There is a campground on the far side of the lake that is accessible only by boat. Each campsite has it’s own dock. That would be a lot of fun, I would think. There is more wildlife activity at the Bluestone Campsites because they are less densely populated. Bears, fox, and bobcats frequent the area as well as more common deer, raccoon, possum, skunks and squirrels. There are occasional sightings of otters and mink.

Bluestone State Park has a large number of cabins spread around on a wooded hilltop. One of the cabins sits beside a very old cemetery that has been there long before the park came to be. I couldn’t find anyone who knew the history of the grave sites so I will have to do some research on my own.

Again, there are so many amazing photos from this weekend but I am limited to what I can send over two bars of cell service. I’m planning on creating a video of this month’s circuit of the stunning State Parks of West Virginia. I’m afraid you’ll have to wait for that or see the photos as I have the opportunity to upload them.

Today I head to the last park on my WV Fall Foliage Tour…Chasing the Sun. I’m supposed to camp there till Friday, but I’ve decided to cut it short just a little so I can go home for a few days before I head south. Well, actually…before WE head south. I’ve talked Mr. FixIt into doing the southern circuit with me!!! Bless his heart…he has been awfully patient having his wife galavanting around the countryside. I need to get back and help him with a few chores and get a few things done to be better prepared for more camping.

❤️

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”
1 Corinthians 7:3 NIV

Between the Trees

Sun, 27 Oct 2019 01:30:43 -0600

“Sitting by the river is soothing to the soul.”

Being a writer is a wonderful thing. I can get lost in a blank page, creating worlds from my thoughts. It’s like magic…making something from nothing. I pray over my keyboard. I ask God to bring me words to say and people who need them. I am humbled when someone reaches out and tells me how my words have encouraged them or helped to ease the pain of their particular loss. I am quick to tell them…it is not me. I am merely the transcriptionist.

When I pray the Prayer of Jabez, I ask for God to give me those Blessings with my name on them. I ask Him to expand my territory and to walk with His hand over me to keep evil far from me so that I may not feel/cause pain. I love when He brings people to me. It happens daily and I am so blessed by His generosity.

As I sat yesterday in the r-pod, working on a writing project, I noticed the camper next door had turned their outdoor speakers up and were playing loud music. Not over-the-top loud…just annoying because it was disturbing my flow. I stopped and looked at the clock. Just after noon. I had been working straight through since breakfast. I sighed and closed my iPad.

Should I go say something to the people? Should I give them a stern look as I pass by? Should I report them to the park office? I sat and prayed for discernment and wisdom. As I washed up the breakfast dishes, I looked out and there were two children…maybe ‘tweens…carving pumpkins! They didn’t have their noses glued to an electronic device. They were camping with their family and doing fun, creative things in the outdoors.

I smiled as I dried my hands. Just WHO is the one with her nose glued to an electronic device? Oh, yes…that would be ME! I laughed as I looked up and said, “Ok, ok…I get the hint!” After taking a look around the camper to make sure things were unplugged and safe to leave, I donned my jacket and headed to the Fall Harvest Festival.

I watched a chainsaw artist carve a bear out of a log. I sat and listened to some live Bluegrass music. I went to the river and sat in a chair and read for an hour. I put my book away and just breathed in the smells of the day. The aroma of good food from the lodge kitchen. The smell of wet leaves and swift river water. The earthy smell of wool as the sun warmed my sweater. I closed my eyes and listened to children throwing rocks in the river and an elderly couple chatting softly as they walked slowly by…their feet shuffling through the leaves.

I thanked God for reminding me to remove the plank in my own eye before I asked my neighbor to remove the sliver from theirs.

It was a really good day.

❤️

“You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
Matthew 7:5 NIV

Time Travel

Sat, 26 Oct 2019 01:30:14 -0600

“Coffee and sunshine and a little nosh!”

As I explored the latest West Virginia State Park on my camping itinerary yesterday, I took a king sized jump back in time. The last time I was at this particular park was with Hubby #2. I can’t tell you the year, but my guess is it was the summer of 1979, although it could have been later. I remember bits and pieces of that trip. I remember feeling so extravagant to travel to such beautiful places. We stayed a night in this lodge I am sitting in as I write this post. Oh, my…so much water over the dam since then.

I sat there in the morning sunshine, watching the river making riffles on the smooth stones below. The trees are yellow and brown and still-green here. Tiny little splashes of red and orange peek through as you move your eyes across the steep hillside at the far edge of the river. By 1:00 in the afternoon, the brilliant sun of morning gave way to the clouds portending the heavy storms predicted this weekend.

I haven’t met a West Virginia State Park I haven’t liked. This trip has seriously been magical and something my heart and soul so desperately needed, if for no other reason that to remind me how dearly I love Mr. FixIt. Not that there has ever been a question. We all have a tendency to get wrapped up in the busyness of life and forget to stop and appreciate what we have. I’m just as guilty of that as anyone.

Getting away also reminds me of the independence I cultivated for my self after Mr. Virgo died. I either got out and had adventures, or I would spend the rest of my life sitting at home alone. And that is just not me. I need solitude from time to time…to refresh and recharge and stretch my abilities. When I do that, I am a much better partner for my husband. I am more patient, more loving, and decidedly happier. This is a benefit for both of us.

I’ve been gone for quite a bit this year. Between Girl Camping trips, six weeks in Colorado for my daughter’s wedding, and this Charity Trailer Raffle Tour, I think I have spent more time away from home than I was there. I have a patient husband, to be sure. But we are missing each other a lot so we are working on our itinerary for the next two months and figuring out the best way to travel AND be together.

It is supposed to rain a lot this weekend so I’ve saved my writing and indoor projects till then. I need to take advantage of the sunshine when I can. When I woke up yesterday morning, it was 37 degrees. By the time I rousted myself to get coffee, it was 8:00 and 42 degrees. I took the electric griddle outside and cooked with it sitting on the picnic table. I fried a whole package of bacon and carefully placed the cooked strip between layers of paper towels and slipped the entire batch into a zip lock bag. Stored in the refrigerator, these will be eaten up long before they would spoil. I did the same with a batch of pancakes and stored them two to a sandwich bag. That way, I’ve cooked several days of breakfasts ahead of time. When it’s raining this weekend, I can still have outdoor cooked meals.

As I finished writing this piece, I watched a little boy, maybe four or five years old…walking along the river. Bright yellow leaves rained down around him. With hands reached out, he laughed as he tried to catch them…his feet crunching on those he missed. He picked up rocks on the river bank and watched out for his little brother toddling along behind him. They were out with their dad. I love seeing dads with their littles…teaching, loving, experiencing the joy of the day. I close with this thought. Wouldn’t it be a better world if the littles spent more time outside with their dads? Or moms, if dad isn’t around? Or with anyone who loves them and wants to teach them about the world and about life? Wouldn’t it be better than handing a child an electronic device to keep them quiet…engaged in learning what someone else is teaching them? Maybe something that isn’t reflective of your values? I’m not being judgmental here. There were plenty of times I let my own little watch too much TV in order to have some peace. It just seems we are raising a generation that’s greatest skill is dissociation. I’m not sure how you put the smoke back in the bottle.

With that thought, I have spent entirely too much of my morning sitting here with my own set of electronic diversions so I’m heading out to enjoy this day before the rains come and I get stuck inside. I hope you have a beautiful weekend wherever you are. Put the phone down…go outside and play. You’re never too old to “go places and do things”, as the Girl Campers say!

❤️

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
Proverbs 22:6 NIV

Less is More

Thu, 24 Oct 2019 04:10:38 -0600

“My favorite boots.”

Ok…you all know me. You know I have something to say about…you know, everything. I’ve been known to turn a phrase. I’ve been able to paint pictures with my words. It’s not me…it’s all God. But, as I sat down last night to write this post, I was at a total loss for words. Yesterday was just about the most beautiful day I have ever seen and I didn’t have anyone to share it with. Not in real time, anyway. Mr. FixIt is still at home, picking pears and cleaning out the last of the garden. And there’s all of you. And Kaye and her fella, “Not John Hancock” (sorry, I’ve forgotten his first name but it’s definitely NOT John). I met them on a hike in Beartown State Park.

I just spent the whole day yesterday gobsmacked at every turn. It started when I awoke before dawn and saw the fog settling in on the river. I jumped up in the dark, threw on my camp clothes and muck boots, and headed down the road in the campground. I got down on the riverbank and waited. I’ve learned to wait patiently for the light. There’s a moment…just a fleeting moment, when the light is perfect and the color is perfect and the subject is perfect. It happens every day…but most of the time, we aren’t there to catch it. Or we aren’t paying attention.

If you blink, you can miss it….that one perfect shot. That one picture that says “WOW”. You can take 500 shots and have one, if you’re lucky. Or, you can take 500 shots and have SO many that just knock your socks off and you can’t choose. Some I need to keep aside for the project I’m working on. And some, while I would love to share them with you today, are just too big and the internet here at the campground won’t handle it. You’ll have to wait.

So, I chose this one. I was standing by the river, waiting for the perfect light, when I looked down and saw this colorful array of leaves around my feet. Simple. Yet it says so much. These feet have carried me for sixty-six years now. They’ve run and jumped, danced and snuggled. They’ve kicked and stomped and run away from so many things. But this day…this day they stood…patiently waiting for the perfect light. In a pair of boots that my Aunt Peeps gave me years ago. They are one of my most prized possessions. Rugged. Sturdy. Utilitarian. And practical on a wet, foggy morning on a riverbank.

These boots symbolize where I am in my life. I’m comfortable. Happy in my own skin, just for the sake of being happy. There’s something to be said for that kind of simplicity. And for knowing when less is more.

❤️

“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21 ESV

Coffee with Wanda Belle

Wed, 23 Oct 2019 01:30:12 -0600

“The many colors of Autumn”

I was pouring my coffee yesterday and my mom popped in my head. She often does, but yesterday she “came” to have coffee with me. Mom loved her coffee…hot and black. She had a Pyrex coffee pot and I was enamored with the way you could watch the coffee brewing…bubbling up through the center tube into the glass handle of the lid then seeping down through the grounds. There was never a time when there wasn’t coffee on the stove.

Until she got older. Then it was “too much work” or “the pot is just too heavy to lift”. Then she turned to Sanka. Ok, there might be some of you who like Sanka. If you do, I mean no offense…I don’t mean to “yuck your yum”. But…ugh! Any instant coffee is a poor substitute for the real thing, in my humble opinion. I felt she had just…settled.

As I poured my coffee and thought of Mom, I could almost hear her say, “Why are you bothering with this whole rigamarole? You get out the grinder and the beans. You measure and grind till it’s just so. You measure again and pour the bottled water in the coffee maker. You plug it in and wait. What an ordeal. Just get yourself a jar of Sanka!”

I smiled.

“Yeah…no, Mom. It my routine. It’s my pleasure. When I have that first sip of hot, strong coffee (with cream and stevia, please) I’m in heaven!” Is it more work? Not that much. When I first started this trip, I bought a “pour over” thingy. I used it for the first week or two and stopped at the first Walmart I came across to buy a 4-cup Mr. Coffee. That’s the perfect size to fill my Tervis coffee cup twice. And the second cup is hot in the electric coffee maker.

Someone gave me a hand grinder and a French press many years ago. I used it when I was on The Grand Adventure in Colorado those three months after Mr. Virgo died. Many times I didn’t have electricity but I wasn’t about to turn to instant. Making coffee off the grid was a lot more work than this…but oh, it was the best coffee ever! I thought about bringing that setup with me on this trip but I knew, even without electricity, I can use the little Mr. Coffee because of the solar panels on the roof of the r-pod. Isn’t that a trip? I haven’t tried it yet…but I will before this ride is over.

I’m camping in the woods again this time. I love waking to see the trees all around, to hear the wind rustle through the leaves, to step out of the camper into the glorious light of autumn shining with that rare amber light of fall. I believe I’ll take my coffee down to the river and set a spell before I start my project of the day. I hope you get outside and enjoy some of this before winter sets in.

❤️

“You make darkness, and it is night, when all the beasts of the forest creep about. The young lions roar for their prey, seeking their food from God. When the sun rises, they steal away and lie down in their dens. Man goes out to his work and to his labor until the evening.”
Psalms 104:20-23 ESV

Eat, Pray, Camp!

Wed, 16 Oct 2019 01:30:46 -0600

“The r-pod 196 nestled in the trees at Cedar Creek State Park near Glenville, WV”

I moved to the next campground easily enough yesterday morning. Mr. FixIt met me at the McDonald’s in Glenville for breakfast so I could get my travel coordinates before we parted company for another couple of weeks. We had the BEST weekend! It was our first wedding anniversary, which I had told you about. When he arrived at the campground Saturday night, he greeted me with a dozen roses and a sweet card. I greeted him with a warm supper and a big hug. We hiked, biked, and chatted with folks he knew in the campground. (Have I told you he knows EVERYONE?!) We rested and watched movies and took naps. And we just flat out enjoyed not having cell service or TV to distract us from enjoying each other’s company. It was wonderful!

Speaking of no cell service, we had just finished eating lunch out in front of our camper on Monday when Mr. FixIt’s phone rang! We could barely hear a woman’s voice and she was saying something about coming to the office. We thought it must have something to do with his insurance policy because the call came from his agent’s office. That was really weird.

After lunch, we decided to go for a bike ride around the state park. It’s such a great place to ride bikes because the campground is essentially flat. When we got back to the camper, Mr. FixIt reached to remove his wallet from his back pocket and…it was GONE! We looked in both trucks and all over the camper and campsite, but he figured he had to have lost it when he was riding his bike.

I hadn’t realized till I got back to the camper that he wasn’t right behind me. I got off my bike and took off my helmet and gloves and here he came. It turned out he had gotten his shoe lace wrapped around the bike pedal and had to stop at the camp store to get untangled. He assumed that is where he lost the wallet. So, we got in the truck. I prayed out loud.

“Jesus, please help us find my husband’s wallet!”

We took off driving very slowly…looking for a brown wallet amongst the equally brown leaves all over the roadway. We hadn’t had any luck when we passed a couple out for a walk.

“You haven’t happened to find a wallet, have you?”

“Nope…sorry. We haven’t seen a thing!”

“Ok, we’ll keep looking. Thanks!”

While we were talking to the couple who were walking, another couple rode past us on their bikes on the other side of the truck.

Suddenly, we heard the walking couple.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

I looked in the rear view mirror and they were waving us back and pointing at the couple on the bike. The bikers rode up to us.

“You looking for a wallet? I just turned one in at the park headquarters building! They have it waiting for you!”

I stuck my hand out the window and looked up and shouted, “Thank you, Jesus!!!”

We drove on up to the building at the park entrance and sure enough, it was Mr. FixIt’s wallet…intact with his one lone dollar bill and his credit cards. As we were driving back to the camper, he looked at me and said, “Man, that was really lucky!”

I looked at him with a level stare and said, “No, honey…luck had nothing to do with that. What did I do as soon as we got in the truck? I prayed that Jesus would help us find your wallet, didn’t I?” He nodded in agreement. “Then, we asked the walkers if they found a wallet and they didn’t. But they asked the bikers, and THEY did…and had turned it in. All in the space of about ten minutes after I prayed! That was a prayer answered, sweetheart…plain and simple.”

He had to agree. Especially when we were sitting at breakfast yesterday and he checked his phone.

“Huh…I have a missed call.” It was from the same number that got through in an area with no phone service. They had called back and left us this message.

“Hi there…this is __________ from you insurance agent’s office. We received a call from the folks at Cedar Creek State Park saying someone found your wallet. You need to check in with the headquarters office to get it back.”

I looked at Mr. FixIt and smiled. “See? You can add getting a phone call in an area with no cell service about your lost wallet to the list of steps God took to return it to you!”

I’m gobsmacked when God does these things…especially when it shows another person that He’s really REAL and cares about ALL the things, not just the big stuff. Even a wallet that falls out in the leaves.

❤️

“If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.”
John 15:7 NIV

Slow Down

Fri, 11 Oct 2019 01:30:15 -0600

“There’s something special about moseying out country roads instead of roaring through on an interstate.”

There is something special about driving on a two-lane blacktop in the fall. First, you’re forced to slow down…especially in West Virginia. There are a lot of 15 to 20 to 25mph turns in these parts. Beyond safety issues is the sheer beauty around every curve.

I love how the leaves fall in a shower of gold and red light in the sun. I love how the car in front of you stirs them up into a whirlwind that splashes on your windshield as you drive through them. I love how the the denuded trees cast lines on the roadway making it seem to glitter and shimmer as the miles fly under your wheels.

The morning dew glistens as the leaves flutter in the breeze of your passing. The whole world takes on an auburn glow with rich yellow, tawny bronze, and deep indigo undertones. Crows and turkey buzzards circle overhead, waiting for the tasty morsels of the unfortunate squirrel or groundhog that doesn’t make it across the pavement in time.

Deer stand tenuously on the shoulder of the road seeming to be making a decision. Should I go? Should I stay? My mind wills them to turn and run up the hill away from my approaching bumper…left to live another day. Chipmunks seem to be enthralled with the macadam madness that cuts through their turf. Scoot out fast. No…wait! Dart back quick! How I keep from hitting them, I’ll never know.

I arrived at my next campground shortly before noon. I stopped at the store on the way so I could buy chili fixin’s. Mr. FixIt was talking about chili the other night and it’s been on my mind ever since. I got unhooked and mixed up a batch for the crockpot. I made plenty to have leftovers for the freezer.

This is one of the best things about traveling with a camper. With a well equipped kitchen and a stocked pantry, you can eat healthy and save a lot of money on the road. Avoid the fast food places and steer clear of processed foods and your food budget can go a long way. I have homemade chicken noodle soup, beef and noodles, pepperoni rolls, cinnamon rolls, taco meat, potato soup, pizza, old fashioned noodles, and now chili in the freezer. Potatoes, sausage, cheese, salad greens, broccoli, cauliflower, oranges, grapes, eggs, potato salad, sliced turkey, avocado, yoghurt, milk, and cottage cheese in the fridge. I have an assortment of dry goods in the pantry, including microwave popcorn if I want a snack. We’ll be eating like royalty this weekend when Mr. FixIt arrives.

There’s and upside and a downside to this campground. Gorgeous woods. No internet at the campsite. I’ll have to drive to town to post this. If I didn’t have writing deadlines, I’d just cut the cord for the duration, but alas…my “work” is never done! There are worse things than writing every day!

❤️

“The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they reveal knowledge.”
Psalms 19:1-2 NIV

What Would Grandma Say?

Thu, 10 Oct 2019 01:30:37 -0600

“Autumn Glow Lights up the R-Pod”

I camped the last two nights at a park hardly anyone knows about and I’d almost like to keep it that way. Except…it’s so uber cool, I just have to share. I’ve written about Calhoun County Park before. Mr. FixIt and I took a drive out here once and took pictures of the Heritage Village…a collection of buildings that were transported here and restored. There’s an old general store, a school house, a church, and a post office among others. The post office was from Freed…not too far from Grandma’s farm. Grandma introduced me to some of the Freed family.

When we came out to the park that time, we saw a little campground and I was intrigued. As it turns out, Calhoun County Park is a designated “dark sky site”…meaning there is minimal light pollution and it’s easy to see the stars. The last couple of nights were peak meteor events. The first night was blanketed in dense cloud cover but last night was clear as a bell. Still, at the time I am writing this, I haven’t seen any.

When I got up yesterday morning and went outside, there was something about the light and sounds and smells that took me straight back to my childhood. Grandma’s farm is probably 15 miles or so from here as the crow flies so I’m practically camping in the backyard. It got me to thinking about her and what she might think of this little adventure I’m on.

My grandma always loved me, but she…like several of my family members…thought maybe I was a full bubble off the level. I have always marched to my own drum and never really did things in a traditional way. Here I am, out on 258 acres and not a soul in sight. Oh, there were some folks up at the community building the last couple of nights. And yesterday a state patrolman came through the park on his rounds. But that’s the extent of it. Grandma would think I was off my rocker!

Was I scared? Not really. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a care in the world, but fear didn’t really enter into the picture. I have protection. I have street smarts. I know the fire department is only a couple of miles away and I passed a policeman’s house not a mile from the park. Mr. FixIt is 20 minutes away at the Ponderosa. I have great cell service. I’m good.

I decided yesterday was a good day to figure out how to use the convection function on the convection microwave. On the R-Pod Owners V2 Facebook page, they talk about the “Cinnamon Roll Challenge” so I decided to bake some. Granted, they were from a can, but baking is baking, right?

It took me a little bit to figure out how to work the stove. I read the directions but it wasn’t until I watched a YouTube video that I totally figured it out. I baked the rolls…5 in the can…and iced them. I ate one and packaged the others for the freezer because Mr. FixIt is going to join me this weekend for another weekend of camping. AND…our first wedding anniversary is Sunday, so what better way to celebrate than getting lost in the woods with my sweetie?!

The autumn colors have really shown up the last couple of days and I’m in the most beautiful state to enjoy it. Almost Heaven…West Virginia! Today, I head to another State Park to enjoy more scenery and color!

❤️

“Let the trees of the forest sing, let them sing for joy before the Lord, for he comes to judge the earth.”
1 Chronicles 16:33 NIV

Check Engine Light

Wed, 09 Oct 2019 01:30:08 -0600

“How many times have you seen this come on…right in front of the dealership?!?!”

I was heading through Marietta, Ohio yesterday afternoon on my way from one campground to the next. My preferred Ford dealer is there and as I was driving by, I got “the nudge”. The thought went through my mind…“Check your engine light!” Literally…I was right in front of the dealership when I looked down and…

It was ON!!!

I kid you not! I got goose bumps. Ok…I drove down a block, turned around, and came back. I pulled up as close to the service entrance as I could while pulling a camper behind me. Luke, the Service Supervisor, came out and checked the truck with the computer. One of the oxygen sensors was bad. They checked and had one in stock and they had a free technician. I unhooked the camper, pulled the truck in, and went out to the camper to stretch out and read. An hour later, they called and the truck was ready.

You cannot tell me prayer doesn’t work. You cannot tell me the Holy Spirit doesn’t guide us. How many of you sent up prayers and good thoughts for travel mercies for me yesterday? Well, they worked…and I thank you for those prayers!

But most of all, I thank God for always watching out for me. I love it when He comes through with a megaphone because there was absolutely nothing subtle about that call. Wowza!

I got to the next campground just before dusk. I never reveal where I am in real time when I’m traveling alone so I’ll have to let you know the day after I leave. But, talk about peace and quiet…it’s crazy quiet here. I was hoping to see the night sky, but the clouds stole in just as I was unhooking. Maybe tonight. In the meantime…great cell service and a deadline to meet. What a great place to write!

❤️

“When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?”
Psalms 8:3-4 NIV

Setting up the “Spare Room”

Sat, 05 Oct 2019 01:30:44 -0600

“Converting the sofa to a spare bed in the RPod 196!”

I’m Back!!! Mr. FixIt and I had a wonderful time camping together and the little break was just what I needed to recharge. There’s nothing like being in the woods in a little camper. Losing Mr. Virgo taught me to really appreciate every moment and this week has been grand!

On Monday, we checked into Tomlinson Run State Park in the tippy top of the Northern Panhandle of West Virginia. The drive up was lovely as we followed the Ohio River on Rt. 7. Mr. FixIt drove separately and followed along behind me. We got to our campsite by mid-afternoon and unhooked. It’s a lovely campground, located on top of a hill and densely wooded. The sites are all nicely spaced apart from each other. We had electric but no water. That’s not a problem, really. You just use the water you carry with you in your fresh water tanks. We rode our bikes around the campground, we cooked outside, and we spent as much time as we could sitting out looking at the stars.

We left Tomlinson Run on Wednesday and headed to Beaver Creek to meet up with the Girl Campers. Mr. FixIt loves to hang out with the girls and they really enjoy him as well. We had fires in the Solo Stove which is wonderful…so much less smoke than a conventional campfire but still enough that you feel as though you had the camping experience. We had some rain here Wednesday night. Quite a bit actually.

Mr. Fixit left yesterday mid-day to head home. My friend Diane joined me last night. Diane graduated from high school with me but we didn’t know each other back then. She and I didn’t really become good friends till I moved to the family farm in West Virginia in 2014…the year after Mr. Virgo died. I needed to find someone who could help me unload a truck so I called her to get a recommendation. We became fast friends after that.

I tried to get her to camp with me several years ago, but Motel 8 is roughing it to Diane. Then, when she found out I was taking the RPod out for a road test, she texted me with a bombshell. She wanted to come camping with me! She knew I’d be writing about my camping experiences and wanted to offer her services as “blog fodder”. “Camping with the Non-Camper!” Brilliant! This could either be really, really good…or really, really bad. I’m happy to report that, so far, she seems to be having a grand time! She fits right in with these great gals.

As is always the case, there’s always a good deal of food at these events and last night was a smorgasbord. Tonight is soup night…my favorite night during What a Hoot. Everyone brings their A-game on soup night and we all go around taste testing each person’s creation. I decided to do something a little bit different this year and make beef and noodles. I’ll stick the chuck roast in the crock pot in the morning and let it simmer all day. It will be a welcome addition, I am sure.

This morning was predicted to be 41 degrees! After a long stretch of hot, dry weather, I am really welcoming the cooler temperatures of fall. I needed to make a reconfiguration of the camper to accommodate my guest. I turned the jack knife sofa into a twin bed. The back of the sofa is a little bit higher than the seat when it’s laid out flat. I bought some firm upholstery foam sheets to lay down on the lower section to make an even base and place my inflatable mattress on top. It was cool enough for the furnace. Today is Pioneer Days down in the Historic Village. The grist mill will be running and there will be tours of the village buildings. Our friend Gail’s son wrote a book about the haunted history of Beaver Creek and will be on hand to sign his books.

So far, the trip is fabulous and so is the RPod 196! The tickets are on sale on girlcamper.com for $10 each and the proceeds benefit the Hold You Foundation, an organization that assists families with critically ill children. This is a wonderful chance to support a worthy cause as well and get the opportunity to buy a wonderful camper! It’s good to be back!

❤️

“We love because he first loved us.”
1 John 4:19 NIV

Love Letters from Beyond

Fri, 27 Sep 2019 01:30:20 -0600

“Leaving love notes behind for your spouse to find later…what a gift!”

My friends and I camped at Beaver Creek State Park last night. We so seldom get together, just the three of us and when we do it’s always so special. It’s always tempting to stay up really late and sleep in the next day, but Janine and I both had long drives home. We called it a night fairly early and were up and ready for coffee by 8:00. We chatted over a leisurely breakfast and prayed for each other before we finally broke camp by 11:00. I pulled in to the Ponderosa around 4:00, dropped off the camper, and turned right around to go back to town for small group. I’m not signed up for this session, but I wanted to visit and share in the fellowship with dear friends from church.

I was seated by a new member of the group. Jonna is a widow of two years. I put my hand on her arm and told her how sorry I was for her loss. We chatted about the similarities and differences between people’s grief experiences. She knew ahead of time that her husband was dying and she was thrilled they had time to have important conversations, no matter how uncomfortable they were.

Just before our meeting started, she leaned over and lowered her voice a little.

“Wanna know the BEST part?”

I was intrigued. I had never thought about “the best part” of grief.

“Yes….please!”

“My husband hid love notes for me everywhere! I’ve found over twenty of them already!”

My heart melted. I remember finding a note Mr. Virgo had left me for Valentine’s day just a month before he died unexpectedly. I know how precious that is.

“I’m not going to go looking for them. If I find one, it’s a gift! I found one the other day in the file of Explanation of Benefits from the insurance!”

I leaned over to her and said, “I think that is just the sweetest thing!”

That’s a good man, right there. He knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, what these little gifts would mean to the woman he had married thirty-eight years prior. Even when he was ill and in pain from the amputation of his leg, this gentle giant left his sweetheart love letters from beyond. Yes…that’s a very good man!

❤️

“Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.”
2 Thessalonians 3:16 NIV

Chasing the Sun!

Tue, 17 Sep 2019 01:30:53 -0600

“2020 RPod 196…taking her for a test run for the next four months!”

I’ve been trying to come up with a great name for my epic trip. I have decided I’ll be chasing the sun to stay warm as I travel further south so that’s just what I’ll call it. And yesterday was officially the very first day!!! And what a crazy day it was.

First, we had to pack up our hotel room. It is absolutely amazing what two people can accumulate in three short days! Once we were packed up, we headed to Advanced Auto Parts to buy a 2” ball for my hitch since that’s the size the RPod needs. I found one, but they didn’t have a wrench big enough to handle the job so I went across to the Goodyear store. They didn’t have a big enough tool either. So, rather than keep searching, I just went back to Advanced Auto and bought a new hitch at the correct size and we headed to Hershey Park to pick up the new camper.

When we arrived, our little camper was sitting all by herself at the end of the row. We hooked up and off we went. We had an easy, uneventful trip till we pulled into the field at the Ponderosa. I miscalculated a small incline and caught one of the scissor jacks and bent it. It’s no big deal, it didn’t hurt the camper at all…but it did hurt my pride because I knew better than to come in at that angle. We’ll just chalk it up to being overly tired because we were!

It was wonderful to see Mr. Fixit! He had a pan of my smoked ribs out of the freezer thawing and I popped them in the oven as soon as I walked in. We fiddled around with the campers a little here and there. Janine had a spill in hers from a jar of balsamic vinaigrette that fell out of the cabinet so she had quite a sticky mess to clean up. We were all really excited to dine al fresco on the deck by the pool.

And, just like that…the evening was over and Janine and I both retreated to separate rooms to do our writing while Mr. FixIt watched his evening shows. It was too hot to dry camp in the field without air conditioning so we went for comfort and slept indoors. Today we are driving down to Huntington to Setzer’s RV to get some fine tuning on the campers and I will get my official walk through to learn the inner workings of the RPod. I’m going to have to come up with a cute name for her! Any ideas?

❤️

“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”
Proverbs 28:13 NIV

We’ve Come a Long Way Baby!

Mon, 16 Sep 2019 01:30:40 -0600

“Camping in the early days in Denver. This is just down the street from where Ben & Sue live!”

Janine and I spent our time at the RV Show yesterday browsing around for content for our blogs. We stood for eight hours and walked nearly 10,000 steps. By the time the show was finished, we were exhausted but then there was work to be done. Processing and editing photos, writing blog posts, calculating trip routes and travel times. All the logistics that come with the postmortems of a travel show.

I’ll bet we didn’t get to see one tenth of this show. And even that was overwhelming. We did see a couple of really cool campers. We saw some really EXPENSIVE campers. We saw everything from bargain basement, bare bones boxes to luxury on wheels. It’s amazing what some of the interiors of these campers look like. Marble counters, high end furnishings, and appliances that look like they come out of the finest kitchens. It boggles the mind that people would pay half a million dollars for a fancy bus.

There are so many accessories….many that you definitely don’t need, but there are lots that were pretty handy. One was a rechargeable work light that would work well to illuminate a campsite if you arrive in the dark and need to back in. We have some really fun accessories that I’ll be sharing with you after the big reveal next week. We are still holding back the majority of the photos till then.

In the meantime, they are breaking down the show overnight. I need to get a smaller ball on my hitch to fit the new camper. Janine and I are heading to the Ponderosa today then to Huntington tomorrow. We’ll dry camp out in the field tonight! So please keep us in your prayers for travel mercies today. I am so excited about pulling this camper today!

❤️

“For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.”
Proverbs 2:6 NIV

Full Moon...Friday the 13th

Fri, 13 Sep 2019 01:30:48 -0600

“Tonight is a full moon AND Friday the 13th! What could POSSIBLY go wrong?”

If you have ever worked in an emergency room, you know it is guaranteed to be crazy busy on the night of a full moon and any Friday the 13th. Add the two? Yikes! Let’s just say, I’m super happy I am going to go work an RV show today and not an ER!

Yesterday was insanely busy. I got up early and finished packing. Mr. FixIt had to work so I loaded up the truck by myself. Although I started early and it was only 73 degrees, within an hour I was sweating buckets and things became decidedly more difficult. I managed to get everything finished around 11:00 and headed to town. I had some errands to run before a doctor’s appointment at 2:45. The Doctor ran really late so it was 4:15 by the time I was finished.

As I walked around the back of my truck in the parking lot, I noticed the hitch wasn’t on my truck. Mr. FixIt usually does that for me because a hitch with all the gear to use weight distribution bars is really heavy. I had to drive all the way home and hook it up myself before I could head out of town. I was really tired by 10:00 and started looking for a hotel room. I finally found one around Hagerstown, MD and stopped for the night. There’s a long stretch through the mountains where the pickin’s are slim.

I love traveling by night. The traffic is lighter and the moon was amazing! By the time I got settled in my room, it was 11:30 so I was whupped. I don’t have to be at the RV Show till noon so I could sleep in this morning! Gotta be ready for a busy, busy couple of days!

❤️

“For it is written: “ ‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’ ””
Luke 4:10-11 NIV

The Amuse-Bouche

Wed, 11 Sep 2019 01:30:23 -0600

“A little sneak peek of the all new R-Pod 196 from Forest River…Girl Camper style!”

When Mr. Virgo and I managed a 4200 acre luxury resort in southern Colorado, we found ourselves needing a chef. One of the happy little benefits of being married to the boss was getting to sit in on the results of the chef’s “stage”. Typically, when chefs are interviewed for a position in a fine dining restaurant, they must demonstrate their skills before the person looking to hire them. This means…observing their kitchen skills while the food is being prepared, then taste testing. In our case, we were treated to three different chef stages before one was selected.

This was where I learned about the amuse-bouche which literally means “amused mouth”. A typical amuse-bouche is just a small savory tasting to demonstrate the chef’s style. One chef gave us a single scallop seared to perfection but I almost lost it when I bit in and it had been marinated in vanilla! Ugh…vanilla and seafood do NOT go together, trust me. He didn’t get the gig. The chef that was hired had a small slice of ahi tuna in a flat bottomed spoon. On top was a small dollop of green foam that was as light as air but had the most intense flavor. I can’t even tell you what it tasted like…savory, spicy, rich, and so light as to almost not even be there but it complimented the tuna perfectly.

Amuse-bouche…the little tease of the culinary world. We also experience this in other areas of life. The free sample. The previews at a movie theater. And here? A teeny, tiny little sneak peek of the little camper I get to pull around for the next five months!

If you haven’t caught what’s happening, Forest River donated the very first 2020 R-Pod 196 that came off the line this summer to the Girl Campers for our Annual Trailer Raffle. And, Janine Pettit…our Camper-in-Chief…received the camper sometime in August and has brought it from “Factory to Fabulous”! Let’s face it…the interiors of most RV’s are b.o.r.i.n.g. Or downright ugly! Forest River is listening. They realize that women represent the fastest growing demographic in the RV industry and us gals are tired of brown, right?

I can’t get into all the details yet, but we wanted to let you have a little peek inside to see how I get to Camp Like a Girl in this darling camper. It’s bright and cheery, bold and elegant, and can be dressed up or down. It demonstrates to manufacturers we want neutral palettes we can build on without having to paint over everything. It demonstrates to dealers one of the countless ways a camper can be customized so they better understand a girl camper and what she’s looking for in a travel trailer.

Not everyone wants to go all “she-she” with their camper decor so we went with something a little bold, a little trendy, and ultimately elegant. We can’t wait for the big reveal which will take place via live broadcast on Go-RVing’s Facebook page Wednesday, September 18th at 3:00pm Eastern Standard Time. I leave tomorrow for Hershey so hang on…we’re going on a road trip!

❤️

“He has filled them with skill to do all kinds of work as engravers, designers, embroiderers in blue, purple and scarlet yarn and fine linen, and weavers—all of them skilled workers and designers.”
Exodus 35:35 NIV

Forever 62...

Tue, 10 Sep 2019 01:30:19 -0600

“Mr. Virgo…Forever 62…and still handsome as ever.”

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mr. Virgo. You would have been sixty-nine today. Would you have been retired by now? Would we have pulled that camper all over the country? Would our golf game be any better? It’s hard to say, but my guess is…we would have been out hitting some balls today.

My life is so different now…I do different things. I camp and write about it. I grieve and write about it. I got married again…and I write about it! Nothing is safe anymore…it’s all blog fodder. But in a good way.

I remember all the stages, all the phases, all the fear and pain and anger your loss caused me. I remember it all. At the same time, the edges are fuzzy. A little out of focus. The only words I can hear your voice say in my mind anymore is “I love you, baby doll.” I can picture your hands…your earlobes…your hair. It’s like I can see all the pieces of the puzzle but I cannot seem to piece them all together and put together a workable picture of you. Sometimes it’s frustrating. Sometimes its a Godsend.

As I always tell my readers, the pain of grief is always much, much worse when I’m tired. Sunday night, I could not get to sleep. And the longer it went on, the more focused I became on being away. I knew I’d be tired. And I knew the waves could hit any minutes, even if you never crossed my mind.

I finally drifted off for about 20 minutes and woke up freezing. I turned off the fan, threw a blanket over me, and went to sleep for…maybe a half hour. This time, I woke up overheated, sweating profusely, and anxious/nauseated/jittery. I finally got up, turned the fan back on, and got sick.

Grief.

Waves of seemingly unending grief have dwindled to the rare bad night. Sunday night was it. I hate disturbing Mr. FixIt if I’m jumping up and down all night so I moved to the guest room, took something for my upset stomach, and finally slipped into a sound sleep for four or five hours. This is the way it works now. The fact that I am happily married doesn’t seem to phase it. We never “get over it”….but we do learn how to hold our grief with soft hands so as to not wake up the beast.

It is your 69th. You are there with your mom and dad…and cousin-in-law Dennis…and now, your firstborn, Shannon. She has been with you for two years. I know you all are together and having a cigar on the back 9…watching the sunset.

I will always love you and remember you in so many ways. It’s funny how your shape in my life has changed over time. Each year you step a tiny bit further away. Your star shines a tiny bit less in my every day life…but you’re so much bigger in the grand moments. And still, every once it a while, a wave hits me and I have a bad night. Thank God, they are fewer and farther between.

So…

Happy Birthday, Mr. Virgo!

❤️

“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.”
John 16:22 ESV

There is Another

Mon, 09 Sep 2019 01:30:03 -0600

“There is another who stands with us in the fire….always.”

I cannot tell you how many times I have felt alone in my life. Totally alone. Totally forgotten. Maybe not totally worthless…but pretty darned close sometimes. When I went through my formal conversion to Judaism just before my second child was born, part of the process was to sit before the Bet Din…the Jewish Tribunal Court that determines your suitability. Did you learn all you needed to learn? Are you converting for your faith…or for your husband? How will you accomplish the very important aspect of the Jewish faith…being a contributing member of the synagogue?

These were the easy questions. I had already lived a Jewish life for 12 years. This conversion was merely a formality so that our child would be considered by other Jews to be Jewish once she was born. The difficult question came last.

“Do you renounce Jesus as your personal savior?”

I thought I would fly through these questions without giving them a second thought. But this question….this…betrayal to all I had learned as a child hit something deep within me I didn’t even realize was there. But what was I to do? I was pregnant out to here and my nice Jewish doctor-husband was sitting on the other side of the door, waiting for me.

“I have obligations to my family,” I thought to myself. “I have people depending on me to show up as a Jew…not the least of which is my unborn child.”

So, I said yes…and that’s where the trouble started. I felt God…I don’t know…step back, for lack of a better description. From that moment on…for the next ten years…I felt alone. Forsaken, as I had forsaken Jesus. Granted, I had not recognized him as the Son of God at that point. I had never invited Him into my life. I had never given over to Him and called Him Lord. I guess, in that moment, I realized He was still in the back of my mind. He was still there. That is, until I kicked Him to the curb in the office of the synagogue that cold and sunny January day.

I didn’t deserve Him. I had shunned Him. I felt there was no forgiveness for such an action and that was where I was left. Dying on the vine from the inside out. Ten years later, after an overdose nearly killed me, I started my long journey back to life and along the way…praise God…I was brought to my knees at the foot of the Cross and came home to Jesus in 2005. Nearly fifteen years ago.

What I’ve learned since then is this: I was never alone in the fire. God was always there with me, no matter how far I tried to push Him away. I spent that whole decade feeling alone and unworthy…far from God on my side of the fence. Yet He sat there patiently watching out for me, patiently waiting for me to cry out for him.

I think of myself as a parent…how sad I have been at times when my children’s focus has them far away from me and how joyful I feel when they call, or reach out to me for something even as mundane as a family recipe. This must be how God feels when we reach our arms out to Him to be held. Like any parent…He loves His children. Like any parent…He rejoices when His children love Him back.

❤️

“How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”
Psalms 36:7 ESV

Let Things Go

Sun, 08 Sep 2019 01:30:33 -0600

“Letting things go for a little while gives your mind and heart a chance to breathe.”

I have a list as long as my arm to get accomplished in the next four days. On the upside, I don’t have a camper to clean and prep for a trip. On the downside, I still have laundry, errands, packing, planning, writing, and a couple of doctor’s appointments before I slip out of town on Thursday for the beginning of this amazing Girl Camper Trailer Tour.

So, with all this stuff on my list, what did I do yesterday? I let things go. I created a day just for me. I met ten of my dear friends from my high school class for coffee and conversation. We caught up with what’s been going on since the beginning of summer. We haven’t met since June before I left cross country. This is the first chance I’ve had to plan a coffee gathering since returning from Colorado. I needed to fit it in before I leave again this week.

We caught up with everyone’s health issues. Yes, we’re THOSE people now…surgeries, hospitalizations, injuries. We are “of a certain age” and things break down more often it seems. One of the gals was new to our gathering. She’s been liberated from a longstanding situation that didn’t allow her to socialize before now so there was a lot of catching up to do there. We talked about our vacations over the summer and travel plans for the fall. We shared photos of the grandkids…and GREAT grandkids! Ninety minutes flew by and someone called, “Picture time!” We needed to enlist a patron sitting in the cafe to come take our photo. A young woman doing homework. I smiled. “High school friends. Don’t ever lose touch!” She smiled back and took the perfect picture.

When it was time to leave, we each hugged everyone there. We’re of that age…we don’t know “when” and “if” anymore. So we hug and kiss a lot and give lots of “love you’s” and “take care’s”. I left feeling loved and supported and relieved those I care about were experiencing a pretty good week. As I was heading to the truck, one of our granddaughters texted to say she was in town and did I want to snuggle our great grandson. Well…of course! Silly question!

I went to the former Mrs. FixIt’s house and visited her and with not one, but BOTH great grandchildren for an hour or so and caught up with everyone, then headed off for errands. I met Mr. FixIt after his golf scramble and went to one of my favorite stores…Rural King. I’m looking for a cool barn coat but I’m not finding one. I’ll probably have to buy online.

So, there you go…my primer on how to let things go. Totally self serving and vitally important. Church today, then I can piddle around the house. It’ll get done. And, it’ll get done without me feeling like I’ll tear my hair out at any minute. That is a monumental win-win in my book.

❤️

“a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;”
Ecclesiastes 3:5 ESV

Revelations

Sun, 08 Sep 2019 01:30:16 -0600

Not the last book of the Bible kind. The "smack my forehead, why didn't I see that" kind. A friend of mine had to come to the river to mow yesterday. She decided to camp in her trailer up here last night so we had dinner from the grill and sat on the deck till dark. We were discussing an issue I've dealt with over the years and I made a casual remark to the effect..."I'll probably deal with this the rest of my life." She sat quietly for several seconds and in that wise, no-nonsense, shake-me-by-the-scruff-of-the-neck way I've come to appreciate, she said, "Well, you can sure do that, but it doesn't sound like much fun to me."

Stunned silence.

And in five seconds, everything made perfect sense. I do not have to make sense of every single thing that has ever happened to me. I do not have to work it out in my mind. I don't have to "get over" stuff I've already "gotten through". $#|£ happens. Plain and simple. I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time. I believed things about myself based on the opinions of others. And they just weren't true.

I could keep working things over like worry beads, or I can scatter them across the sky till they become stars. Scars or stars? You choose.

❤️

"From now on, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus."
Galatians 6:17

Gathering Camping Supplies

Sat, 07 Sep 2019 01:30:24 -0600

“What a mess! Trying to organize and choose what I’m taking on my next Girl Camper Adventure!”

When I was forced to sell my sweet little camper when I was in Colorado, I had to unpack everything and put it all in tubs to store in the bed of my truck. I knew there would be things I would need for this trip and we have been so busy since we got home, so I just left the tubs in the family room. It didn’t make sense to haul it all downstairs to storage and then have to bring it all back upstairs.

I spent the day yesterday going through those tubs, choosing what I would need to take with me and deciding what could be left behind and put with the rest of the camping supplies in storage. It’s actually a little harder than I thought. I’ve never stepped foot in this camper, so the only visual I have to go by is the video Janine posted of the walk through with Cody from Forest River RV.

From what I remember, there’s not a lot of counter space in this camper. And, I won’t be spending a great deal of time at each spot. I think my biggest issue will be coffee. I hate taking a big coffeemaker because I’ll just be taking it out and putting it back every time. I think pour over is going to be the way to go. I love French press, but that has to be cleaned out every time. With a pour over, you throw your coffee grounds out with the filter the same as a drip coffee maker.

Mr. FixIt finished sealing the deck yesterday and it looks great! We need to cover TOW-Wanda Grande before I leave. That means I need to take everything out of her that I’ll need beforehand since it won’t be easy to get in and out with the cover. One of my very funny friends wrote on her facebook the other day:

I love how being an adult is basically just saying, “But after this week, things will slow down a bit,” to yourself until you die. ~ Lisa Cooke

So much truth in that. I can hardly wait till the Girl Campers gather the first week of October. I’ll have six days to sit and knit and talk with my peeps around the campfire. And do a craft project or two. Period. The Spring and Fall “What a Hoot” gatherings are my all time favorites. We all just bring food to share and make a big pot of soup. So easy and so much fun.

Progress is being made and I’m feeling a bit more organized today!

❤️

“But all things should be done decently and in order.”
1 Corinthians 14:40 ESV

The Other Side of Fear

Wed, 04 Sep 2019 01:30:51 -0600

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Jack Canfield

I hear from a lot of widows who face fear as one of their most difficult symptoms of grief. Fear of the unknown…fear of being alone…fear of other people’s motives. Navigating grief is difficult enough on it’s own. Add fear, anxiety, and even full blown panic attacks and it ratchets grief up to an unbearable level.

I’ve always had a bit of an anxious nature. Anticipatory social anxiety. Commonly called “stage fright”. I’ve come a long way in learning to control it. Sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve learned the things I most want to do lie on the other side of that fear, so I have to figure out ways to get through to the other side in order to find my bliss.

The fear I felt early on after losing Mr. Virgo was different than my usual pre-speech jitters. It was hold-onto-the-edge-of-the-mattress-all-night awful. Through trial and error, I’ve learned a lot of skills…tools for my tool box, so to speak. If I feel myself amping up, one of the things that almost immediately calms me down is listening to praise music. If I’m singing at the top of my lungs, its really difficult to be scared.

I’ve had so many people tell me they would really love to take off camping or traveling by themselves but they are too scared. The bottom line any grief mentor should take is honoring what others are and are not capable of. That being said, if it really is something you want to do, there are ways you can ease into scary situations without jumping in with both feet.

Finding a like-minded friend to do things with can help a lot when it comes to doing new things. Taking little baby steps helps, as well. If your dream is to take a month long trip to Europe but you have panic attacks going to the grocery store, you need to desensitize yourself. Start with little excursions. A short day trip. Repeat till you’re comfortable. Then an overnight, then two…you get the idea. Getting professional help can go a long way toward building your confidence and getting down to the root of the issues you face.

When I was planning the trip to Colorado, my biggest concerns were the social obligations of my daughter’s wedding and being so far away from Mr. FixIt. Losing Mr. Virgo so suddenly brings the possibility of a repeat to the forefront of my imagination. So, yeah…that makes me nervous. The night before the trip, my stomach was in knots but I did my routine and the next morning, I was good to go. It’s not the actual DOING that bothers me…it’s the anticipation. And, sometimes I just have to do the thing and feel the fear.

I’m really excited about the opportunity to take this new camper around. There’s nothing about it that scares me, per se. I may have pre-trip jitters the night before. I may not. Knowing what it is, knowing how to redirect my thinking, knowing just what I need to do helps me feel less out of control and more confident in my own abilities.

What I want is often on the other side of fear, but that’s exactly what makes the experience so much richer. I know exactly what I had to get through to get there and that makes me brave! After all…so far, I have survived every single experience I’ve encountered in my life!

❤️

“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you."”
Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV

Random Acts of Kindness...Senseless Acts of Beauty

Tue, 03 Sep 2019 01:30:15 -0600

“My grandma always said you can catch a lot more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.”

About thirty years ago, a woman named Anne Herbert wrote something on a placemat in a restaurant. “Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.” Since then, countless posters, books, t-shirts, and movies have incorporated this idea of doing something for others…some kindness…without expecting anything in return. Things like paying for the person behind you in the drive through at the local coffee shop. Or, leaving a basket of flowers on someone’s doorstep. Or, something I like to do every once in a while….put a sticky note on a $5 bill with a note like “God loves you!”…then tuck it in a book at the library or a book store.

Practicing random acts of kindness didn’t start with Ms. Herbert, of course. The original practitioner was Jesus, of course…and we would do well to strive to emulate Him. Being a good person seems to be rapidly going out of style. My dad wasn’t what you would call a profound thinker, but he said one thing that always stuck with me. “Computers will be the downfall of mankind.” I think I rolled my eyes when he said that. But maybe he wasn’t so far off.

I don’t think it’s computers, per se, that will be the downfall of man. I think it’s how computers are used. Social media has created a monster. It’s given people a voice who may never have had one. It’s placed a filter between people….it’s created an US against THEM atmosphere. And, it has taken away the social filter of eye contact, allowing whatever vitriol that comes to mind to flow through the keyboard without repercussion. Cyber bullying isn’t limited to 8th grade girls and misunderstood emo boys.

I will have to say…thankfully there has been very little in the way of nastiness on this page. I won’t tolerate it and the few times it’s happened, the instigator has been blocked and the offending message deleted. That isn’t the case everywhere. It’s hard to judge the “tone” of a message when it’s written. All it takes is one “rude” comment to unleash a flood of bullying back and forth…and that’s with grown adults!

It’s a new month. School is back in session. I don’t want to wait for Christmas to have the good feels. Let’s go out today and do kind things for people. If it’s not new to you, great! Keep up the good work! If it’s been a while and you’d like to rectify that situation, go out there and do something nice for someone today. And if someone does something nice for you, pay it forward.

We attract to us what we dish out. If we are negative and uncaring, we just get more of the same. If we are kind and loving, there is a better chance of attracting that same kindness and love. If it doesn’t come right away…keep trying. It never hurts to spread good vibes around the world.

❤️

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:32 ESV

The Tug of War

Mon, 02 Sep 2019 01:30:54 -0600

“Angel on one hand, devil on the other…trying to have their way with me.”

Mr. FixIt and I haven’t had a lot of time together this summer. I was gone a lot and, even though he joined me for three weeks in Colorado, we both have been working nonstop at this and that since we got home the first week of August. Here it is September already and I’m already preparing to leave again.

We miss being together and we both know the importance of devoting time to our relationship. It’s been really nice this weekend because we took three days off for some much needed R&R. When I woke up yesterday, I was tired. My allergies have been giving me fits creating fluid in my ears which sometimes makes me dizzy. I laid in bed for twenty minutes telling myself it was perfectly fine to stay home…we didn’t have to go to church. I mean…it’s just this once, right? We go almost every Sunday when we are home. That deserves a day off to sleep in. I just didn’t feel good. I didn’t feel like going.

As I let these thoughts run through my mind, I was almost convinced to turn over and go back to sleep when a stern “voice” shook me from my reverie.

“When you don’t FEEL like going is exactly when you NEED to go!”

I quite literally jumped out of bed.

Ohhhhh….my thinker was what was “sick”. Church is the place it gets healed.

When I’m thinking I don’t need to go to church is exactly when I need it the most. And yesterday, I am not kidding…church felt like plugging in my jet pack. I got fed the energy and grace and love and lessons I needed and I left there convicted. Convinced the place to feel better is to draw closer to Jesus, not turn over and go back to sleep.

It’s not enough to go every Sunday and get plugged in, hoping the charge lasts till the following Sunday. That obviously didn’t work last week because I easily could have opted out. My tug of war pitted the proverbial angel on one hand and devil on the other…each trying to pull me to their side. I know I can’t ever go wrong when I choose Jesus.

The key is to draw closer…constantly. The Bible says we are to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). The way to do that is to turn whatever you are doing into worship. Whether you are singing in the choir or scrubbing toilets, it can be done with a tone of worship and praise. And when we pray, we are to devote ourselves “to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving” (Colossians 4:2)

Just that boost, and the conviction to keep close, has given me rest and regeneration. I feel so much better and not nearly so overwhelmed by all I need to accomplish in the next two weeks. I came to the farm after church…to my place of meditation…to the home of my heart…and enjoyed a quiet evening while Mr. FixIt bowled. Today, I’ll go back home and get some work done. Perhaps I’ll pressure wash the deck!

❤️

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
Romans 12:2 NIV

Dining Alone

Sun, 01 Sep 2019 01:30:25 -0600

“Dining alone can be an intimidating experience when you are widowed.”

I saw her walk into the restaurant with the rest of us “early birds”. The waitress came up to her table and handed her a menu.

“Just one?”

I’m sure I’m the only one in the restaurant that saw the shadow of pain skitter across her face.

“Yes.”

“Really?”

sigh

I wanted to smack the perky waitress but decided at some point in the meal, this would become a teaching moment.

When we walked in, there were friends sitting in a booth near the front of the restaurant. They called to us to join them. The woman dining alone sat nearby. Our friends lost their son a couple of years ago. Eventually, our conversation included him…mentioning him by name, telling a funny story or two, comforting her and telling her at two years, it’s still ok to cry. It’s always ok to cry.

The waitress came back to give us our check and I chose that moment to speak to the woman dining alone. We made direct eye contact.

“I remember the first time I went to a restaurant alone after my husband died.”

She looked at me steadily. I recognized the sadness in her eyes. I sat there…many times.

“It doesn’t really help to be asked…’Oh…you’re alone?’ The first time I went to our favorite restaurant, I opened my iPad and pulled up my favorite picture of my husband and propped him up on the table so I didn’t feel so alone.”

“Yes…it’s really hard. Especially when someone comes up to you after a year and a half and asks ‘Where’s Paul?’”

The waitress whirled around. It just dawned on her what had happened. She opened her mouth to say something and I quickly said, “It’s not your fault. You aren’t clairvoyant so you had no way of knowing.” But now she’ll be more aware the next time someone comes in unaccompanied.

As we were leaving, I glanced over at the woman dining alone and gave her a long, knowing look and a gentle smile. She smiled back and waved.

God moments. He gives us the people we need to help…and to help us.

❤️

“He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.”
Deuteronomy 10:18 NIV

When Bad Things Happen...Lean In Closer

Wed, 28 Aug 2019 01:30:30 -0600

“Thank you so much for all of your prayers. I am so grateful.”

Since June, there has been one catastrophic event after another befall my friends and family. Cancer, Stillbirth, Mental Heath Crises, Accidents, Illness, Death. One after another after another. I’ve heard it said “Bad things happen in threes.” Try three TIMES three…and then some!

I once read the book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” by Harold Kushner. The author is a Conservative Rabbi and the book addressed the long standing debate: If God is loving and caring, how can so many bad things happen to good people? While the book was written in 1981, I turned to it in 2001 after 9/11.

I had a difficult time reconciling a loving, omnipresent Deity “allowing” something so heinous to happen to thousands of innocent people. No doubt, people who loved Him, and worshiped Him whose only fault of the day was being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I must admit, I was not yet a Christian on 9/11. It would be another three years before I took that leap of faith and surrendered to a God so much bigger than me. I was full of righteous anger that a “loving God” would allow this to happen. I could not wrap my head around it. I went to a psychiatrist and asked him for guidance. I was given a version of “these things happen”. Then I went to a Rabbi and asked him, “Where was God today???”

“He was there,” he said. “He was under the desks with the mothers as they called frantically to tell their loved ones goodbye. He was in the stairwells with the brave men who were helping the injured trying to escape the chaos. He was with the First Responders as they rushed into the flaming buildings, knowing full well they may not come back out alive. And many did not.

He was on the planes with the terrified passengers and crew members. He held steady those that made a mad rush on the terrorists over Pennsylvania. He was with the unsuspecting workers in the Pentagon and the Towers. God was everywhere, crying out in anguish as life after life was snuffed out.

God does not punish us with cruelty. He does not take pleasure in our pain. But what He DOES do is turn those terrifying moments into opportunities to lean into Him. To call out for Him. To have faith that, even in the darkest moments, He never forsakes us.

And that brings me to the events that have cast a shadow over my circle of friends and family…those I hold most dear and those whom I only know through others. We ask ourselves why these things happen, one on top of the other and the only answer there could be is…this is the nature of life.

As Stephen Colbert so eloquently stated on the subject of grief and the loss of his father and two brothers in a plane crash when he was ten: about learning to “love the thing that I most wish had not happened.” He went on to say: “It’s a gift to exist and with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that. What do you get from loss? You get awareness of other people’s loss, which allows you to connect with that other person, which allows you to love more deeply and to understand what it’s like to be a human being if it’s true that all humans suffer.”

I hate that my loved ones and friends are suffering. I wish I could take that pain away from them. But, if by doing so, I would rob them of the awareness of other people’s loss and subsequent connection with them, then I am denying them their humanness…their connectedness. I would rob them of the opportunity to love more deeply and to truly understand what it’s like to be human.

What I CAN do for them is to be there for them, to hold a sacred, safe space for them to come to and grieve. And I can encourage them to seek a closer relationship with their higher power, which for me personally is God.

Our pastor said something the other day that struck me. I’m paraphrasing, but it went something like this: When disaster strikes you and you wail in your grief, this is normal. But lean in very close and put your ear to God’s lips and listen.

He is closest to the brokenhearted.

❤️

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”
Psalms 34:18 NLT

Hamster Power

Tue, 27 Aug 2019 01:30:09 -0600

“When your internet is powered by hamsters, you need to find alternatives.”

Internet service is spotty when you live in the boonies. So is cell phone service. And, if you live WAY out in the boonies, the only way you can even USE a cellphone is if it is a iPhone and connected to the wonky country internet. It’s a Catch 22.

I finally bought an internet “booster”. It doesn’t make your internet any faster or less fluctuating, but it does allow what crappy internet service you DO have to reach down the hall to the bedroom. I’m been known to talk like a sailor when I’m trying to meet a deadline working from home.

The other night, Mr. FixIt was reading in bed beside me when he turned and looked at me over his glasses.

“What on earth are you doing?”

“I’m sending a picture!” I was holding my cellphone high over my head and waving it back and forth…willing the little waves to work faster or whatever they do in the ether sphere.

“You look lovely, though.”

“Thanks a lot, buddy!” I smiled over at him as he shook his head and went back to his article.

I got an e-mail over the weekend to send pictures from several Girl Camper gatherings to headquarters. I carefully went through all the pictures, divided them up over four e-mails, and sent them on. The next morning there were four notices that none of the e-mails went through. These were crucial so I went to town yesterday and sat at the library and e-mailed the photos, five per e-mail. It still took three hours but I got them done.

For the most part, there are so many advantages to living in the country. The peace and quiet, the surrounding nature, the beautiful night sounds and all the stars. But, 95% of my work needs good internet. I had to go to town anyway yesterday. Next time, I’ll try our little local library and see if their internet is any better than ours.

Speaking of living in the country, I went out to the farm on Sunday and was pleased to see the wild grape vines I cut in half died. The house is no longer being threatened to be overgrown and swallowed by the surrounding flora. The fellow down the road who is mowing for me is doing a wonderful job. The lawn looks like a well-trimmed golf course.

This is the great time of year when the grass growth slows down tremendously and we don’t have to mow twice a week. The trees are beginning to show twinges of color and the leaves are fading to a dull army green. The temperature the last few nights was in the 50’s which makes for great sleeping weather. I’m gathering what I will need to carry with me in the new camper on the big trip coming up. Just a little over two weeks till I leave for the Hershey RV Show!

❤️

“Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow.”
James 1:17 NLT

Singing with Jesus

Sun, 25 Aug 2019 01:30:39 -0600

“Mr. FixIt says our pear trees have never produced…he thought they were ornamental. This year, they’re loaded!”

The other day I had to have a fasting blood draw for some tests. When I came out of the lab, I was humming a praise song as I walked through the lobby. “Your promise still stands…great is your faithfulness, your faithfulness.”

The woman in front of me turned around and gave me a huge smile and said, “You must be really happy! I’m a singer, too. I’m always walking around singing.”

I smiled back. “Well, Jesus is always with me and we love to sing together.”

She stopped and looked at me and said, “That’s a really good thing. I like that!”

Yesterday was a busy day. We had our class picnic in the afternoon. Then, Mr. FixIt went to help someone with a move and I went home and mowed five acres. Then I cleaned the pool. When I mow the lawn, I use a pair of ear protectors that have Bluetooth speakers in them so I can listen to the music on my phone. I crank up my worship music and once in a while I have to laugh when I catch myself driving with one hand and praising with the other!

Mr. FixIt came home when I was just finishing cleaning the pool. He was kind enough to deal with back flushing the pump for me so I didn’t have to keep getting out of the pool to do it. There is a decided turn in the temperatures that have put the unmistakable tinge of fall in the air. Mr. FixIt said the temp was 54 yesterday morning and very foggy when he left to work on the porch he’s building with a friend.

And today is church day…my favorite day of every single week! See you this evening for Sunday Evening Prayer Circle!

❤️

“Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people’s business. We command such people and urge them in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and work to earn their own living. As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good.”
2 Thessalonians 3:11-13 NLT

Freda the Ford Got New Shoes!

Fri, 23 Aug 2019 01:30:25 -0600

“New tires for the truck! Getting ready for the next Grand Adventure!”

I’ve been putting off getting new tires for my truck, but with a five month epic camping trip coming up, I couldn’t wait any longer. Mr. FixIt scoured the internet and found a good set of Michelin tires through Walmart. You pretty much have to order tires and wait for them anymore. Not that many places carry a big inventory.

We went out for supper after I finished with the tire ordeal (three and a half hours for a predicted one and a half hour wait). When we came out of the restaurant, we decided to take my truck for a spin on the interstate so we could feel and make sure the tires were balanced correctly. And…we had to go to Sam’s.

One of my readers sent a message asking me which exact mattress we purchased (a Queen Size Sealy “Mattress-to-Go” 12” Luxury Memory Foam Mattress) so I went on the Sam’s app to copy the link. And what did I find? The same mattress we paid $499 for, and was delivered to the house the day before, was now $100 cheaper! We discussed it over dinner and decided to go back to Sam’s and complain.

The little gal at the customer service desk was so sweet, but she couldn’t really help us because we ordered the mattress via the .com route and their numbers/system is different than the club’s. She gave me the phone number for the .com people and after being on hold for-ev-er, I was connected to the “Sealy People”. I explained to Gina, the very helpful agent, that I probably wouldn’t say a thing if the mattress was $20 cheaper the next day, but $100 is a little bit hard to swallow.

You know what she did? She said, “I can totally understand. Let me fix that.” I heard the tap-tap-tap of a keyboard in the background. “There! I credited your account the $100. Well, $100 plus tax. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Are you kidding? It was that easy! I said, “No. But I have to tell you…you made my day!” Kudos to Gina in Customer Service at Sam’s Club. She rocks!

When we went back out to the truck, I saw something on my front tire. I went in for a close look and there were little areas that looked like the tread was separating from the tire. Neither Mr. FixIt nor I have ever seen something like that, so now I have to take the truck back in this morning and have the tire folks at Walmart have a peek at the tires. It’s always something, isn’t it?

This afternoon I have an appointment at the Ford dealer to have them go over the truck and make sure there’s nothing lurking in the background that needs fixed. I have to give my Ford dealer kudos, as well. They never try to push something unnecessary on me. As a matter of fact, when I had them do this last year, they didn’t even charge me. I love those guys!

I’m getting all my ducks in a row so when I head out on the next Grand Adventure, I’ll be confident and secure in my towing equipment. When women travel alone, they should do all their homework ahead of time so there isn’t a crazy rush at the end. I’ve learned this from entirely too much experience, I’m afraid. This is getting exciting!

❤️

“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.”
Proverbs 22:3 NIV

Always Choose Joy. Unless You Can’t...

Wed, 21 Aug 2019 01:30:25 -0600

“Here’s to the compassionate people!”

I’ve been on a JOY kick all year. Ok. I get it. I just got married in October and I’m full of the feels. But yesterday, I got a reminder that sometimes…no matter how much you WANT to…joy eludes you for an indeterminate amount of time.

I belong to a few widow’s support groups on Facebook. I have cockily thought to myself from time to time that I certainly don’t NEED a widow’s support group anymore. That is, until I DO. Then I am ever so grateful for those who share and lift each other up, no matter where they land on the grief/time continuum.

There have been times when I read about the desperate sadness we as the bereaved quite normally go through and my heart breaks for them. I think of all the times I didn’t think I could go on. I think of all the wonderful people who supported and loved me through the most horrific event I have experienced up to this moment in time. There were people I didn’t even know…you readers…who lifted me and helped me move forward, even as I tried to lift others.

But yesterday there was a post that garnered a good deal of pushback and it gave me pause. Basically, this person was saying…just choose joy. That’s a gross simplification, but that was the bottom line. Just choose joy. It made me think about my cheerleading and jumping on the JOY TRAIN and how it may seem dismissive of those who are still in the active throes of grief.

It’s damned hard to find joy when the person who was so much your SOURCE of joy is no longer here. I know this in the core of my being. When I was in my darkest dark place in grief, I truly felt I would never find a glimmer of happiness in this lifetime again…let alone JOY. And yes…you DO have to make a lot of choices in this new normal. One of them is choosing to keep living. Choosing to keep trying. Choosing to keep moving forward no matter HOW hard it is or lonely or heart breaking.

We choose to do this for others….our kids, our parents, our friends…even our person who “would want me to live my life”. Eventually, it is my fervent HOPE that we choose to do this for ourselves.

I have been guilty of using the word “choose” a little too blithely, I’m afraid. And if I have, and it has caused you pain, may I offer my humblest apologies. It is not easy to choose when you are in overwhelming pain. It’s not that I forgot this…but maybe I push it a bit too far out of reach to mentor as effectively as I would like to.

I want you to have hope. I want you to find joy. I want you to experience good things in your life again. I know it CAN happen…I’m proof. It just needs to happen in its own time. And when you DO experience what passes as joy, it may not look the same as someone else’s and that’s ok. I just wanted you to know…I haven’t forgotten those of you whose hearts are so incredibly crushed. I will strive to always hold a sacred space for you here.

❤️

“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”
Psalm 119:50 NIV

Do You Remember When.....?

Tue, 20 Aug 2019 01:30:50 -0600

“Clockwise from Top Right: Phone Booth, Fireweed, Joe Pye Weed, Naked Ladies (Belladona Lily)

Mr. FixIt took the day off yesterday. I had to run a couple of errands, but I was back home by noon. The temperature was already well into the 90’s by then and I actually had the thought…”Ok, I’m done. I’m ready for FALL!” Cool, crisp days with a warm sweater, sipping a mug of cider while gazing at the changing of the leaves suddenly sounds very appealing to me. And this from a woman who hates fall because winter is right behind it. Not this year…I’m ready for this sweltering heat wave to break.

We never did put the window air conditioner in the family room this summer. Mostly because we were gone a lot. And also, it didn’t get all that hot till we were ready to leave on our big trip out west. At this point, I told Mr. FixIt we should just skip that particular ordeal this year altogether. It is quite a chore getting that huge air conditioner into the window and before we know it, we won’t need it anyway. That being said, we were both tired of the heat by 5:00 so he asked me if I wanted to go for a drive with him.

We love going for drives in the countryside. West Virginia has the best roads for drives and there’s always something interesting around the next bend. We kept remarking how overgrown everything is from all the rain this summer. Old abandoned houses are all but swallowed up by vines that threaten to take them by force into the woods. The Joe Pye Weed covers the roadsides with its smoky pink blossoms. Naked Ladies (Belladona Lilies) poke their heads up in the corners of rural lawns. Dark pink Fireweed mingles with Goldenrod, Queen Anne’s Lace, and Black-eyed Susans. They all look like weeds, but they are West Virginia’s cacophony of late summer wildflowers.

We had no idea where we would end up. We drove past the greenhouses in Palestine and saw they are filled with baskets of mums that will bloom in October. We drove past the place where they used to produce railroad ties. Mr. FixIt said the trucks traveled by night because their loads were always way over the weight limit. He said you could tell it was the railroad ties because the heavy night air smelled of creosote long after they’d passed.

We finally pulled into Spencer, West Virginia…an old town built on the backs of the oil, gas, and timber industries. There are some beautiful old houses there. At one time, the State Psychiatric Hospital was located there and if you weren’t good growing up, “you’ll get hauled off to Spencer” was fair warning to shape up. Now it’s just like any other tired, old town in the Mountain State…bored adolescent boys yelling from passing cars, bored adolescent girls giggling in the booth at Wendy’s over a series of texts and photos they were sharing. An old man climbed into a car with barely enough room for him to sit in the driver’s seat. The rest of the car was filled wall-to-wall and floor-to-ceiling with trash. Literal trash. He opened the door to the back seat and carefully placed his half-full cup of soda on top of the pile, closed the door, and got in to drive off to who knows where.

The Wendy’s was impeccably clean inside so we stopped for a bite to eat before we drove on to Ripley, then past Ravenswood to Mineral Wells and on home. Mr. Fixit said it would be dark by the time we got home and he was right. I love these kind of evenings with him…away from the television, going for a drive, holding hands and laughing and telling stories. It occurred to me, one of the very best things about our relationship is…even though we’ve only been together since late 2016, we have so many memories in common. We were best friends in high school. While he lived all but a few years of his life within a 20 mile radius of where we were born, I lived two years in England and forty years in Colorado. But, I still came home for a visit every year so I had my finger on the pulse of my hometown. We lived our lives in a parallel trajectory for sixty-some years before our paths crossed for good. We have much of the same history and memories.

As the sun was beginning to make it’s last glorious descent over the beautiful Ohio River, I saw this phone booth standing alone near the Wendy’s parking lot. I turned to Mr FixIt and smiled.

“Do you remember when…..?”

❤️

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.”
Luke 2:19 NIV

Bowling Season Has Begun

Mon, 19 Aug 2019 01:30:06 -0600

“Pink roses and strawberries…and bowling season. Somebody loves me!”

Mr. FixIt is an avid bowler. He’s been on two bowling leagues for the last thirty-five years and he enjoys it immensely. He has friends there. He has ample opportunity to talk. It’s his guy time. And, I enjoy having a couple of evenings a week to do whatever I want to do as well. Honestly, I fell asleep late in the afternoon and didn’t hear him leave. When I woke up, I caught up with my Sunday evening phone calls and chats so it was a relaxing evening.

When he arrived home, he went into the kitchen to fix something to eat and we were trying to carry on a conversation while I was in the family room. He called out, “You know…I could hear you better if you were in here with me.” Of course! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we’re doing, we forget the basic manners and niceties we should offer those we love most.

I walked into the kitchen and there on the counter was a dozen pink roses and two cartons of fresh strawberries! I am always thunderstruck when he surprises me with these lovely unexpected gifts of love.

I looked at him and smiled. “What’s this?”

“It’s been a little while since I brought you flowers. It was time.” He smiled back.

What goodness this is…this life that is sweeter than any red strawberry…softer than any pink rosebud. This is a blessing. This is God’s gift to me. This man who lifts me up and celebrates who I am. Who cheers me on and encourages me to explore and be everything I can be. This man who holds my hand in church and prays alongside me. Who holds me and comforts me when I am sick or sad. I only pray I give him this same love back every day of my life.

There was so much sadness in my life after Mr. Virgo died. I swore I would never fall in love…never remarry…because the thought of going through that again was too much to bear. Then color came back into my life. And I could hear music and I could breathe and somehow I knew I could love again. I don’t know how long we have together…but it’s bowling season and I have strawberries and pink roses and my life is good.

❤️

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
Matthew 5:4 NIV

“Let The Sun Shine...”

Sun, 18 Aug 2019 01:30:25 -0600

“The Ubiquitous Photo from Woodstock”

Fifty years ago this weekend, a gazillion people descended on Mr. Yasgur’s New York farm just five hundred miles from where I grew up. What started out as a ticketed music event soon devolved into chaos as tens of thousands of unticketed hippies made their way into the tiny village of Bethel. The festival had already suffered a last minute change of venue and was seriously short on cash, but there came a point where Woodstock took on a life of its own.

Fifty years have passed. I didn’t go, of course. I was only sixteen and actually didn’t even hear about it till it was on the news. Not that I would have done something so brazen as to defy my parents because I know they never would have allowed me to go. I never even skipped a class in school, let alone run off to a hippy concert five hundred miles away. Still, I marveled at the mass of humanity. And, I liked the music.

It was such a crazy summer…the Summer of ‘69. The Summer of Love. That’s what we called it. But the older generations thought we young people were out of our minds. Sex, drugs, and Rock & Roll. And now look where we are. I saw a meme today. A grandpa was saying he fought in WWII and built his house with his own two hands. His great grandson said, “Sometimes I put a meme on Facebook and it gets a lot of likes.” That is so sad…and unfortunately, all too true.

We didn’t have the internet in 1969. We didn’t have the news on 24/7/365. We didn’t have violent video games. We didn’t have as many latch key kids and no iPad kids or YouTube kids. Dr. Spock was just beginning to tell us how to raise our kids and to never swat their butts or we would bruise their fragile self-esteems. I’ll tell you what, if I sassed back to my parents, they bruised my “self-esteem” with whatever was handy. I did the same with my kids. Nowadays, you can have your kids taken away for that. And they know it.

I remember Daughter #1 saying she was going to call Child Protective Services because I wouldn’t let her go to a party. I smiled and recited the number to her. Then I took her car keys. It’s hard to parent now. Having the grandkids over this week with their own little ones made me compare how easy I had it compared to what they are facing. And I didn’t have it all that easy.

After my first divorce, I was a single mom in Denver. My family lived in West Virginia. I didn’t have anyone I could leave the baby with while I went to work. I had to find child care…and pray they wouldn’t hurt my daughter. I lived in HUD housing, on food stamps and WIC. I drove a beat up old Pontiac that I paid some Iranians $200 for. The hood and the trunk were wired closed with coat hangers. All four sides were dented in. I prayed every day I could get to work so I could take care of us. I didn’t have a smart phone and five sets of grandparents to step in when I was overwhelmed.

God knows, I made plenty of mistakes in those early years. It’s a wonder we made it through. The music of 1969 was five years old before my daughter was born. I look back now in awe. I knew I’d be “old” someday. I just thought it would take longer. Oh, sixty-six isn’t OLD, exactly. I sure feel the difference, just in the last couple of years. Mr. FixIt and I work very hard and it’s taking it’s toll. I hurt in places that never hurt before. It takes me a bit to get moving. But, like my husband says…you’ve got to keep moving or you’ll stop.

Fifty years since Woodstock…and there’s a real part of me that genuinely feels a little past my prime. However, I’m about to take a brand new camper wherever I want for five months and write about it! Isn’t that just about the coolest thing? I wouldn’t take who I was in 1969 back for anything!

“Let the sun shine…let the sun shine in…the sun…shine in!”

❤️

“I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body,”
2 Peter 1:13 NIV

The Farm is Failing

Wed, 14 Aug 2019 01:30:36 -0600

“The farm is the home of my heart…but it’s aging rapidly.”

Mr. FixIt and I have been back from Colorado for a week now. We talked over the weekend and decided to go to the farm for a couple of days because I haven’t been there since the third week of June. I really miss the farm when I’m away and can’t get there. Then, Monday morning came and there was so much to get done at the Ponderosa. Still…the farm…

I decided to bring the dirty laundry and come to the farm on my own for a couple of days. Mr. FixIt is capable of taking care of himself and, while he misses me…he understands my need to be at the farm sometimes. He’s a good guy.

There was a hard rain come through yesterday. I sat on the front porch and watched and it was soon over. The sun came out and the green dazzled my eyes. Everything was so clean and fresh. I sat for the longest time and just scoured the hillside and surrounding area…looking for differences.

The power line coming to the transformer on the pole in front of the house is noticeably drooping down low over the road. A tall vehicle could easily catch that. I’ll have to report it today. Also, the big pine tree on the bank seems to be leaning further out there over the driveway. I pulled up older pictures from the same vantage point to verify both the line and the tree. Something’s going to have to be done with that, too.

I noticed Monday afternoon, there’s a wild grape vine on the power line between the house and the cinderblock building. None of that was there before I left for Colorado. This monsoon summer has created an overgrowth the likes of which I have never seen here. It’s like a tropical rain forest.

When I did a walkabout yesterday, I noticed another tree on the hillside across the creek from the house that has split in half. But it appears the uphill half is actually falling up the hill. That has always been the main concern here. This little holler is so narrow, and the ground is shale and very soft. It wouldn’t take much to bring trees down on this house.

Maybe the earth is taking her back. Maybe it’s the natural progression of old farm houses. I do know, to bring this place back to life and prosperity would take far more money than it’s worth. And, a ton…an absolute TON of work. We’re not OLD…but we are 66 and 67. The other day, I told Mr. FixIt…if we were just 30 years younger, we could do so much with this place.

I think what I have to do is start saying goodbye to the old home place…in earnest. I know there will come a time when it isn’t safe to stay here without cutting down a bunch of trees…without upgrading the electricity…without shoring up the beams in the basement and the attic. My time here is getting shorter…I can feel it. I’m working on girding my heart in preparation.

It’s like the old man who can tell it’s going to rain by the pain in his knee. The only difference is…this pain is in my heart.

❤️

“"Is it a time for you yourselves to dwell in your paneled houses, while this house lies in ruins?”
Haggai 1:4 ESV

A Vivid Imagination

Tue, 13 Aug 2019 01:30:30 -0600

“The moment I saw this, I knew it was the answer to my dream!”

I was probably about ten years old when I got my first (and only) childhood bike for Christmas. I remember lusting after the sleek English racers I saw some of the bigger kids riding. Oooooo, the idea of all those gears and the trendy dropped handlebars and the hand brakes…I could just picture myself tooling around the world, peddling that bike, looking ever so sporty and sophisticated. I had a vivid imagination!

Christmas morning came. I jumped up out of bed in my worn and tattered flannel jammies, and ran to the living room. There, leaning on its kickstand in the middle of the living room, was a brand new shiny blue bicycle! It wasn’t an English racer. It didn’t have any bells and whistles. It was a heavy, single speed monstrosity from Sears with the label “J. C. Higgins”. It was a sturdy, reliable bike and it didn’t take me long to figure out Mom couldn’t afford that trendy bicycle. I was darned lucky to have this one and not some hand-me-down from one of my cousins.

I used to ride that bike all over the neighborhood. The following summer was the first time Mom let us stay home unsupervised. I played outside from first thing in the morning till I needed to be in to start supper before my folks got home from work. I remember having this intense fantasy of riding my bicycle to Canada. I envisioned panniers on the back…before I even knew what panniers were. I pictured what I would pack in there. I had read The Boxcar Children a dozen times so I knew just what I would need to survive on my own.

In my ten-year-old brain, I had it all figured out. I would need money to survive so I would need to either get a job or sell something. The Christmas Wishbook from Sears arrived that fall and I ran to my room with it to figure out how I was going to raise funds for this epic adventure. And there it was! A snow-cone maker!!! My friends and I LOVED snow-cones! I figured if I had one of these babies, I could set up a stand out in front of the house and blow all those Lemonade Stands out of the water. I mean…who could resist a great snow-cone on a hot summer day, right???

I look back at my youthful exuberance and my little girl naïveté and smile. I was sure I would sell a gazillion snow-cones from this cute little plastic gizmo. Just as sure as I would ride my bike to Canada. Well, I never rode my bike to Canada. I didn’t get the snow-cone maker. But I’ve been on lots of adventures. And, I’ve done things I never thought I could do. And now…I’m going to get to have another GRAND adventure and they’re handing me the camper to do it in!

Believe me…I know how blessed I am to get this opportunity. Between now and the middle of September when I pick it up, I need to plan out an epic road trip. I’m thinking it would be really awesome to combine this with several Meet & Greets and get a chance to meet you wonderful “Ranchers” along the way! I’m just in the formulating stage but I’m thinking this could turn out to be….

Ginny McKinney’s R-Pod-196 Adventure!

Stay tuned to Marshmallow Ranch for details as plans fall into place!!!

❤️

“For nothing will be impossible with God."”
Luke 1:37 ESV

Mother Earth..How Does Your Garden Grow?

Sat, 10 Aug 2019 01:30:23 -0600

“Product of our burn pile, aka pumpkin patch.”

Back when I was a wanna-be hippy mama in the late ‘70s and early ‘80s, I was an urban farmer. Before urban farming was a thing. I had dug and turned over a garden patch at every house we rented while Hubby #2 was in medical school and residency. We were poor as church mice and we needed to put as much free food as we could on the table to make our meager budget stretch as far as it could.

I was dismayed at the fact Colorado has such a short growing season. With Denver being literally a mile high, compared to the relative low elevation of West Virginia, I longed for a farm of my own in my home state. I remembered my dad’s gardens. We rented the lot behind us and put in a huge vegetable garden every summer. My grandma not only had a “truck garden” across the creek…their farm also produced strawberries for the local farmer’s market. I was spoiled by the earth of my youth.

West Virginia soil runs from really sandy to heavy red clay mud. If you’re lucky, you find great gardening soil that’s rich and loamy and needs nothing more than a good tilling to prepare the perfect garden. You can get all scientific and test the soil and add lime or ash to adjust the pH but mostly anyone with any gardening skill at all can turn out some pretty impressive vegetables in a fairly small space.

When we were married last October, Mr. FixIt burned a lot of brush on our burn pile out in the field. We used pumpkins as a cheap wedding decor, then used them in turn to decorate for Halloween. Once they were frostbit, Mr. FixIt tossed them in the burn pile along with whatever else was in there. He figured once spring came, he’d clean out the flower beds and trim bushes then burn it all at once.

Winter came and went and when the first signs of spring hit the Ponderosa and the weekly mowing commenced, lo and behold…pumpkin vines popped up all around the burn pile! I was really excited to do a walkabout when we got home this week and see how the pumpkins fared while we were gone. There must be a dozen pumpkins growing out there. White ones. Dark orange. Light orange. Short and flat. Big and round. All kinds of pumpkins. And we didn’t have to DO anything…just throw pumpkins out there and they grew!

This is the stuff of my dreams….getting something from literally nothing. If we would have been here while they were growing, I would have nipped off all but one or two on each vine so the plant’s energy could have forced bigger pumpkins, but as it is, they are certainly a respectable size for decorating. And, maybe they’ll make some pies.

Our tomato vines did not stay tied up on the supports Mr. FixIt set out. They are all laying down on the grown and consequently, many of the tomatoes have touched the ground which makes them rot. But there are enough to eat and that’s all we care about. We missed all but the earliest summer squash. There are vegetable stands all around this area so I had Mr. FixIt stop and get some fresh sweet corn and a cantaloupe on his way home yesterday. We’ll eat like royalty tonight!

❤️

“So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.”
1 Corinthians 3:7-9 NIV

The DMV & Me

Fri, 09 Aug 2019 01:30:34 -0600

“Take my advice…bring chocolate next time you go to the DMV!”

How many vacations have you ridden along with me…vicariously? If you’ve been around very long, you’ll know I don’t do very well with “re-entry”. I’ve never just come home and smoothly transition into laundry and cooking and doing the everyday mundane things. And, it seems the older I get, the more difficult it is to come down off the high of a really good trip. And this one was a REALLY good one.

There were a few little bobbles along the way. The whole camper fiasco was a pain in the caboose but I turned it into a teaching moment. Then I lost my driver’s license. I know I had it at the Quick Care when I had the stress hives. But they swear it wasn’t left there. I called the pharmacy to see if maybe I left it there but they said it wasn’t there either. The DMV told me to print off a copy of my driving record to at least prove to a police officer that I have a valid license and I’m trying to fix it. Our whole camping vacation itinerary had to be changed, but that all turned out to be fine.

The first thing that had to be done yesterday was go to the DMV. Well…the FIRST thing I did was go pick up the mail to see if anyone had found it and mailed me my license. Nope. Then I went to the county building and got a copy of my birth certificate and marriage license in case I needed it at the DMV. I had my Social Security card and a vehicle registration with me. I have the Federal ID on my Driver’s License. I had to show a gazillion kinds of ID to get that. I thought SURELY I wouldn’t need a gazillion MORE kinds of ID to let them know I’m the same person with all the OTHER kinds of ID. HA! I was SO wrong!

I stood in the little pre-line line to let the clerk know what I needed. She looked at what I had. Nope. Not good enough. I needed a bill with my name and address on it. Ok, I had my health insurance bill. I handed that to her. Nope. They can’t accept health insurance. I had my taxes. Nope. Can’t accept federal taxes. OK, I said…what do you need? She underlined all the acceptable forms of identification. I went out to the truck and brought back a second registration for a different vehicle. Nope. Can’t come from the same source. Grrrrr.

So, I drove all the way across town and went to my car insurance agent’s office. I changed my address on my insurance and had them print out an insurance card for me. I drove back across town and stood in the pre-line again. Ok…we’re making progress. I got a number! I sat. And sat. And sat. Finally, my number was called and I ran up to the window with a huge smile.

“Identification, please.”

“Here you go! A registration and my car insurance…both with my name and address!” I smiled. They aren’t going to beat me this time!

The clerk looked over my papers and said, “I’m sorry, I can’t accept this. The address on the insurance card doesn’t match the one on the car registration.”

“What?!?!?!”

She quietly starts tapping on the keyboard and read, taps and reads, taps and reads.

“What is your husband’s name?”

I told her.

“And what is his birthdate?”

I told her.

“And you got your marriage license in this county?”

“Yes, we did.”

“Hmmmmm…I can’t find him.”

Be calm. Be calm. Be calm.

They’ve added a large copy of the law, highlighted, that says what the punishment is for disruptive behavior in the DMV. It’s pasted everywhere.

I looked over at the different styles of license plates you can order. And there…on number six…was a bluebird. I could almost hear Mr. Virgo say “Go easy, baby doll.” I thought of Mr. FixIt and how nothing seems to ruffle his feathers. And my shoulders relaxed.

“This must be a difficult job sometimes,” I said to the clerk.

“Oh, it’s not so bad.” She smiled as she continued to type and read.

Finally, I picked up the insurance card. The bottom half was kind of faded where the cartridge was running out of toner. Sure enough, under “Name and address of owner”, there was a typo in the name of the street. But, above that, under “Name and address of insured”, the address was correct. And clearly darker!

“Oh, look! It DOES have the name spelled right on this line! See? The other one is just so light from the printer, it’s hard to read. See the dark one here???”

It worked! My diversionary tactic to take the focus off the wrong one and place it on the right one clearly saved the day!

“Oh, my gosh! It must be my glasses! That IS right!” She took my money and quickly handed my number back to me. “You only have one person in front of you so it should take long now!” She smiled sweetly at me.

Right.

I was there another hour before they took my picture for my new license. And now I have to look at that tired, sweaty, grumpy picture for the next however many years. Or until I lose THIS license. Whichever comes first.

The bottom line is this…these people are just doing their jobs. They don’t make up the rules. They aren’t there to make your life miserable. They just want to earn a buck and go home and put their feet up. So, next time you have to go to the dreaded DMV, bring a smile. Some chocolate for the nice person behind the counter couldn’t hurt either. Maybe I would have gotten out of there quicker if I’d brought a little Hershey’s with me!

❤️

“Now swear to me here before God that you will not deal falsely with me or my children or my descendants. Show to me and the country where you now reside as a foreigner the same kindness I have shown to you.””
Genesis 21:23 NIV

Basking in the Glow of Family

Sat, 03 Aug 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“The sun goes down on the evening before my baby’s wedding. My heart is full!”

Last night was amazing. Every fear and trepidation I had beforehand dissipated as soon as we pulled into the driveway at Hubby #2’s house. He was so gracious, as was his wife. Their house is stunning. Their dogs are the sweetest things. Daughter #1 and her family were there when we arrived and soon after, my sister- and brother-in-law arrived from Utah. Oh, my gosh! It was so exciting to see them all!

Just before dinner, my daughter and her fiancée arrived and we were a complete family. My brother enjoyed everyone and joined in the conversations. It really was perfect. What I learned from this: When you hand things over to God to take care of…you have to let go of it. I knew as I was driving over from Glenwood Springs…this was going to be good. This was going to be very, very good.

After dinner, Daughter #2 came to me and said, “Mama…I have something for you to do tomorrow. You’re in charge of this…and making sure he has a seat at my wedding.”

With that she handed me a framed photo of Mr. Virgo. She was very close to her stepfather and losing him was so hard on her. The suddenness of seeing his smiling face…so totally unexpected…took my breath away and I started crying. I wasn’t the only one. It was a very special moment and it still makes me tearful as I write this. What a beautiful gesture…what a beautiful God moment….what love…what treasures I have in this family.

My baby is getting married today. My heart is so full! Thank you Jesus for every gift you have given me in this life!

❤️

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”
Song of Songs 8:6-7 NIV

No Worse for the Wear

Fri, 02 Aug 2019 01:30:06 -0600

“While once sleek and shiny, these vehicles still hold a deep beauty.”

We left Ridgway yesterday saying goodbye to our friends, Linda and Jim. We both choked up…goodbyes have always been difficult for me ever since I lost Mr. Virgo. We just don’t know if and when we will meet again and it tears at my heartstrings. I know Linda loves Colorado, but deep down, she has that Ohio farm girl in there somewhere. I loved watching her as she listened to Mr. FixIt’s unmistakable West Virginia accent and she was transported back over the years and the miles to the home of her youth.

Even though we didn’t go to the same high school with Linda, we know many of the same people…one of whom is Jeff. He and his wife Julie moved to the Ridgway area a couple of years ago. It’s funny how the webs of friendship cross over. Linda and Jeff were both friends with Cindy (a girl from my class) and that’s how they connected. I am friends with Cindy and that’s how Linda connected with me and the connection with Jeff was made through Linda and because he was on the boy’s gymnastics team while I competed with the girl’s team the same year. And….Mr. FixIt was on that same team with Jeff! See what a teeny tiny world it is? Jeff and Julie joined us for dinner at Linda’s Wednesday night. Mr. FixIt hadn’t seen Jeff in forty-eight years. There were lots of stories and laughs and we all had a grand time.

We drove north out of Ridgway, through Montrose and Olathe (home of Olathe Sweet Corn) and on to Delta. I kept my eyes peeled for a place I found when I was on “The Grand Adventure”…that three month odyssey into the wilderness and backroads after Mr. Virgo died. It’s just a vacant lot on the main drag that’s filled with old, broken down cars and trucks. I don’t know why it attracted me that first time, but I couldn’t wait to show Mr. FixIt.

We were almost to our turnoff to head east over McClure Pass when I saw them. Red vehicles…either from the faded and flaked paint or the rust beneath. Some had their hoods strapped down. Others had holes in the glass from years of being the target of vandals or the errant stone thrown back in the day when they motored down the highways of old. Mr. FixIt caught his breath.

“Oh, wow! Would you look at that!” A smile crept across his face and his eyes sparkled like a little boy who just found the coolest treasure stuck on a dusty shelf. I immediately pulled over and threw the truck in park. We jumped out and walked up and down the rows of derelict automobiles resting on their rims because of long ago rotted and airless tires. We peeked in through hazy windows at the scraps of stuffing clinging to the old and rusted springs of the seats inside.

“Oh, look! Is that a Nash? A Studebaker? What’s this one? Ford used to make a Cortina. Do you suppose that’s what this one is?” This went on and on as we dodged the large mud holes formed from the afternoon storms we’ve been getting and made our way through the maze of cars.

As I looked at these rusted out hulks, I thought about beauty being in the eye of the beholder. I have to be perfectly honest…I’ve had some trepidation about the wedding this weekend. My daughter’s dad lives in a world I no longer belong to. He’s a doctor, and consequently lives like a doctor in a fine house. With fine friends. And a fine wife. Fine furnishings. Fine food. A fine life. I used to circle in that orbit, although I never really felt a part of that world, although I tried very hard to make myself fit in.

I have to admit. I’ve let myself be a little self conscious about my comfortable tummy and my jelly thighs and my granny-wing upper arms knowing ever so painfully how that was judged by those in that orbit. I’ve been praying about it a lot. And God whispered to me as I wandered amongst these vehicles what were once sleek and shiny and new.

“You don’t have to fear that world. You don’t have to feel bad for the way you fit in your body all comfy-like. You don’t have to concern yourself with what anyone else thinks of you….just remember I love you. Completely. Just the way you are. Just love them all the way I love you.”

You see…the very act of feeling self conscious and judged puts me in a place where I’m being the judge. I don’t know what’s in their hearts and minds. A lot of water has gone under the bridge since those days so long ago when I circled around that orbit. It’s a foreign land to me now. I have no reason to feel “less than” anyone. I can walk right in, on the arm of a man I adore and who adores me right back. We’ve created a life that fits us perfectly and we’re perfectly happy.

It’s all about love, trust, letting go, and letting God take care of the details. I’m comfortable in this life, this body…no matter where I go or who I run into. None of this is about me anyway. It’s totally about my daughter and her joy anyway. Yes…it’s all about love!

❤️

“Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Do not be angry beyond measure, Lord; do not remember our sins forever. Oh, look on us, we pray, for we are all your people.” Isaiah 64:8-9 NIV

There But For the Grace of God

Sat, 27 Jul 2019 01:30:20 -0600

“Yesterday’s mudslide west of Glenwood Springs.”

I had two epiphanies yesterday. The first was the full realization that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. On occasion, I wonder in the back of my mind if it was the right thing to do selling my house. I sometimes wonder if I should have kept it and rented it out for income. Then, we drove through Glenwood Springs yesterday…on a Friday afternoon…on Mountain Fair Weekend. It. Was. Insane!

The second epiphany was this: As we drove into town, it was early afternoon and I was going through a mental list of things to do in the area. I looked up at the gondola going up to the Glenwood Adventure Park and thought that would be fun. But the clouds coming over the Flat Tops Wilderness Area were very dark and I knew rain was coming. Scratch that idea. My next thought was to see if my friend Terri was around in New Castle so I could introduce her to Mr. Fixit. Again…I looked at those ominous clouds and I just got a cold chill. We would have to go through South Canyon to get there and I was definitely being told not to go there.

Instead, we turned south and headed to Carbondale. I couldn’t reach my friends who are camping in the area so I found, and took, the last hotel room available in the area. And believe me, they were charging premium prices for rooms. We are at the peak of tourist season and the hotels have to make hay while the sun shines. The rates are double…or more…what they were two years ago when we traveled through here at the same time of the year.

It wasn’t twenty minutes after I decided to turn south that an emergency road bulletin came over my phone. The very road I was contemplating going over was now completely impassable with a mud and rock slide in South Canyon. If I hadn’t heeded that nudge, we would have been sitting right in the middle of it!

On top of all the rest of the crazy traffic, the interstate was closed because of the mudslide and they directed the west bound traffic down through Carbondale…during rush hour…and the opening of the Carbondale Mountain Fair! It took us forty-five minutes to go two miles. I don’t ever want to live in that kind of congestion again!

“Traffic being rerouted by the mudslide.”

I don’t know if it’s the fact I’ve been living a peaceful life on five acres in West Virginia, or if it’s the fact that there are a gazillion people trying to cram into a small space and have fun, but I just couldn’t take the crowds and busy, and traffic, and noise. I know I did the right thing selling my house and I am exactly WHERE I am supposed to be…and with WHOM.

Today, we head over Independence Pass and down through the Collegiate Peaks. Mr. Fixit is truly enjoying the scenery and that makes me very happy!

❤️

““Consider carefully what you hear,” he continued. “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more.”
Mark 4:24 NIV

A Glimpse of Heaven

Thu, 25 Jul 2019 01:30:08 -0600

“A Glimpse of Heaven in the Colorado Night Sky”

I knew this would happen. I blinked and a month flew by. I left on this journey exactly four weeks ago. Time is such a weird thing after loss. On the one hand…it flies. On the other…it stands still. I got some quality time with my Colorado family. Mr. FixIt has been here almost two weeks already. The package I’ve been expecting for my brother arrived yesterday so now we can pack up and go off on a little adventure on our own before the wedding.

Grandma L. is still hanging in there. She is such a strong woman. She rallies and fades, rallies and fades. They moved her from her apartment at assisted living to a skilled nursing facility on Monday. She had a dream on Tuesday night. At least, she thinks it was a dream. She was lying in bed and her legs felt like stone. But then, she was standing up…strong and vital. She looked around it was so glorious. She saw a crevice and knew she was supposed to jump over it. She knew she COULD. She didn’t see Grandpa right off, but she knew she could find him easily. Instead, she decided to come back and tell us all how absolutely peaceful and grand it is. I love that she could see it all so clearly and she isn’t afraid.

I know she might pass away while we are gone, but I didn’t want to wear her out by adding to the number of visitors going to see her. There are other closer relatives who need to spend time with her. I was able to hug on her last Saturday at her birthday party and she absolutely knows how I feel about her. Her absence will leave a gaping hole for quite some time in the lives of those who knew and loved her.

We all went out for supper last night after they moved everything out of Grandma’s apartment at the assisted living place. There were twelve of us. As I walked back to the table with my food, I paused for a moment and gazed over this beautiful family my daughter was so fortunate to marry into. Another part of my bonus family. We are so blessed…with kids and their kids and us grandparents. We are becoming the matriarchs. I thought it would take longer.

Mr. FixIt and I will head out today for a week of touring the state. We were supposed to do this with the camper, but it’ll all work out without it. I love showing him places he’s never been! So…here we go on another road trip, y’all. Hang on!

❤️

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV

Conquering the Impossible

Tue, 23 Jul 2019 01:30:42 -0600

“The Impossible Burger…the best alternative to meat I have ever tasted!”

Back in the late ‘70s, early ‘80s, I was on a real health kick. Like…Mother Earth News health kick. I made my own tofu from scratch. I made our yogurt and granola. I even made homemade Grape-Nuts cereal. While we weren’t vegetarians, we WERE pretty poor because I was working to support our family of three while Hubby #2 was in medical school and residency. Our food budget was trimmed of many luxuries like steak and roasts.

I’ve always been a true meat lover but meat was expensive. I found a product called TVP…texturized vegetable protein. It didn’t have much flavor on its own but it was great in chili and spaghetti sauce…two highly affordable dishes we ate a ton of. Along the way, black bean burgers and veggie burgers were born to offer alternatives to red meat. Health wise, this was good since I had developed high cholesterol.

The other night, we ate at Big Daddy’s Burger Bar and I had a black bean burger. Eh…it was ok. But it didn’t taste a darned thing like a burger. It was just on a bun with all the burger fixings. Now that I am older and have GERD (reflux) along with millions of other Boomers, I get sick just about every time I eat a burger for supper. Still, I crave them…desperately.

We stopped into Red Robin for lunch yesterday when we were out and about. I noticed a card on the table saying they had the Impossible Burger available. I’ve been hearing about this burger substitute on the news and people have been raving about it. I had to try it. Let me tell you…this thing was fabulous. It was exactly like a burger, but it was closer than anything I have ever tasted up to this point and I wanted to go back last night to have another one!

The Impossible Burger isn’t available everywhere yet and it’s popularity is rising so you may not find it around for a while. But when you come across it, I’d highly recommend you give it a try. I am not at all interested in this “meat” they are growing in petrie dishes, but Impossible Burger is plant based. If I could have ready access to it, I’d be more than happy to be a lacto-ovo-vegetarian…someone who eats milk products and eggs but no meat.

New things!

As Mr. FixIt says…life is always an adventure with Ginny McKinney.

You can watch this video that explains the research and development of the Impossible Burger here:

https://youtu.be/8vCd0HPrFj8

❤️

“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand. One person esteems one day as better than another, while another esteems all days alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind.”
Romans 14:1-5 ESV

Finding Hope

Mon, 22 Jul 2019 01:30:13 -0600

“God’s promise.”

There have been so many times in my life when I felt I had no hope. I didn’t know about spiritual warfare. I didn’t know the enemy was the one whispering the lies about me into my heart and mind. My life had long stretches of darkness and it wasn’t until I became a Christian that I started to see light at the end of the tunnel.

We went to church yesterday and took Little with us. We sat with our friend Rick and his wife Connie. The pastor is preaching a series on the elements and yesterday was about the wind. And hope. He focused on Ezekiel and the valley of the dry bones. As far as Ezekiel could see, the valley floor was covered with dry, sun-bleached bones. This represented the dried up, faithless Israelites. The Lord asked Ezekiel to speak to the dry bones. To tell them to listen to the Word of the Lord. When he did this, the bones started to rattle and come together. Tendons and muscle and skin formed and soon, they looked like you and me. But they had no life. No inner spark of hope. When Ezekiel told God he had only been halfway successful, God breathed his breath upon the bodies and they came alive and rose as a mighty army.

I know what those bodies felt like. I was dry and sun-bleached in my bones for such a long time. And, when I surrendered, God blew His breath…His Spirit…into me and I rose up like a mighty warrior. Whenever I begin to feel less hopeful, I look for the wind. Mr. FixIt remarked the other day…it never seems terribly hot here in Colorado. Even when the temperature nears triple digits. The reason is two-fold. The humidity is low. And there is always a breeze. You can feel it across the hairs on your arms. And when a wisp of your hair blows across your face. You can see it in the trees and grasses of the field. You can watch it even high above the earth as the clouds in the sky scud along.

When I look for the wind, I can see the breath of God as he works over us…his children. Even when I don’t see God’s promises in my current circumstances, I know He is there…working in the background. Even in my darkest moments…during the years of depression and the overdose, during a painful divorce, during the grief I suffered after losing Mr. Virgo…He was feverishly working to turn these terrible situations into something He could use for His Glory.

Finding hope in today’s world can be so terribly difficult. It is easy to lose hope and see no way out. If you can just remember to feel the wind on your skin and focus on some good thing in your life, you can ignite hope within your soul. Even the smallest ember can be fanned into a flame when you seek and use the Breath of God.

❤️

“The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.” Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’ ” So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’ ” So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army. Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’ ””
Ezekiel 37:1-14 NIV

Hand it Over

Sat, 20 Jul 2019 01:30:30 -0600

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7”

I have struggled with anxiety all of my life. It’s so, so frustrating because I know what it is. I know the feelings are real, but they stem from thoughts. I have a whole toolbox of techniques that I’ve used over the years…some helpful, some decidedly harmful, all of them ineffective to a large degree. It wasn’t until I started studying the Bible looking for answers that I have begun to find some semblance of relief.

I was reading a devotional about anxiety and fear this week and came across something I had never read before but it really struck home. It talked about a secondary effect of anxiety becoming “a fear of fear itself”. That sums it up so distinctly. I really HATE feeling afraid…to the point of fearing the fear. Suddenly, it just all seemed so ridiculous.

The Bible talks a lot about fear and anxiety. So much so that it is apparent these feelings are prevalent in all humans to some degree. For years…decades…I felt weird about my anxiety. Like there was something wrong with me. That I was somehow flawed and no one else had these feelings. Knowing I’m not alone…even Joshua and Mary and countless others were told by God to not be afraid. That is so comforting to me.

I am excited about the upcoming wedding in two weeks. I’m thrilled for my daughter and her happiness. And, it’s hard to tease out the difference between the butterflies of excitement and the quaking of anxiety. It affects me physically the same and my mind can easily take off on a wild tangent which isn’t anywhere I really want to go.

This most recent Bible study I read says whenever the first feelings of anxiety or fear begin to come into your mind, think of a praise instead. Turn on praise music. Sing a praise song. Thank Jesus for waking you up this morning. What I’ve been doing is telling God about all the beautiful things we’re going to do the day of the wedding. I’ve been telling Him about the pretty dresses the girls are wearing. And all the people we’re going to see that we love and don’t get to see often enough. I’ve invited Him to come along with me and to be there right alongside each of us.

There’s so much in life that can change plans at the last minute. There are illnesses in families or some other unforeseen circumstances that you can’t predict. It doesn’t help to be nervous or worried, but it’s hard not to be. As Jesus said, God takes care of the birds and the fields…surely He’ll take good care of us…even in our worst moments.

I hand things over…repeatedly. And, it does get easier and easier to remember to give it to God first before I let my mind jump on the worry train and go off the rails. There will always be something you can worry about. That’s how the enemy steals your joy. And, there are situations in life that you can’t help but let affect you. Things like watching a loved one decline. Losing someone or something special. An unexpected diagnosis or financial difficulty. God wants to walk those paths with you. Reach out your hand and take His. He’s so much bigger than anything that troubles you.

❤️

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

Avoiding the Heat

Fri, 19 Jul 2019 01:30:18 -0600

“Shrimp…it’s what’s for dinner!”

The temperature went up into the triple digits yesterday. Mr. FixIt and I hung out indoors most of the day. I did laundry and worked on the socks I’m knitting for Big. We watched some television. We visited with Ben & Sue. And we stayed cool in the air conditioning.

Finally, along about 5:00, we ventured out to the grocery store. We wanted to pick up something for dinner so I could take a turn cooking. When Ben & Sue went with us to the Outer Banks in April, we learned they love grits. I asked them if they had ever had Low Country Shrimp & Grits and they had not. We brought them a bag of grits from our trip down south last month so I wanted to fix this especially for them.

This isn’t a particularly difficult recipe to make, but it does take about an hour or so to pull together. We bought a pound of frozen medium sized tail-on shrimp, a lemon, a container of sliced mushrooms, a bunch of green onions, a package of fully cooked bacon, a package of shredded extra sharp cheddar, a small container of shredded parmesan, and a tube of minced garlic. The convenience of buying the prepped veggies, bacon, and cheese saves time.

What better source for a southern recipe than Southern Living Magazine. I had as much fun reading about the origin of this dish as I had making and serving it. You can find the full recipe and directions here:

https://www.southernliving.com/grains/grits/low-country-shrimp-and-grits

I have to say, this was a big hit for supper. There wasn’t an abundance of cooking so the kitchen didn’t get hot. It really was delicious. I made this with yellow grits, even though the recipe calls for white. I love both varieties. You know people love it when there aren’t any leftovers! We finished it off with some cold melon…watermelon and cantaloupe.

After supper, we played a few hands of rummy as we laughed and enjoyed each other’s company. Making memories. It’s the most important part of our travels.

❤️

“But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:19 NIV

Coffee & Plowing the South Forty

Thu, 18 Jul 2019 01:30:46 -0600

“Can you tell by looking whether it’s got caffeine in it? Yeah…me neither!!!!”

I love coffee. Like…LOVE coffee! I like to think I’m a coffee connoisseur, but I can’t name the region where a coffee was sourced just by tasting it or smelling it. I just know a good cup of coffee when I taste one. Ben & Sue are half-caff kids. No strong coffee for them. I learned to really appreciate coffee when Mr. Virgo was alive. If the spoon didn’t stand up in the cup, it wasn’t strong enough as far as he was concerned. And don’t DARE serve him a cup of coffee that you can read a newspaper through!

When Mr. Virgo and I were first together, I griped incessantly about his coffee…it was too strong, it was bitter, it was wretched! I bought a coffeemaker that actually had two sides to it. He would make his coffee in one side…I’d make mine in the other. We both turned our noses up when we saw the other’s brew. Then, that coffeemaker broke and he finally convinced me to buy a Bunn. They are fabulous! Your coffee is ready in literally 1-2 minutes. It was great.

After making a big show of pouring half a cup of coffee and filling the mug with milk before I popped it in the microwave, accompanied by a heavy sigh, I started actually appreciating the flavor of his coffee. It wasn’t until after Mr. Virgo died, that I started drinking my coffee the same strength as his. A “hanging on to memories” kinda thing, I think.

Ben & Sue have offered a place on the counter to put my own coffeemaker where I can brew my version of coffee, but I just haven’t taken the time to go out to the storage bins and search for it. Until I do, I am happy to have a cup or two of what is available. But at least a couple of times a week, I have to take advantage of the many coffee shops in the Metro Denver Area and get a “real” cuppa Joe.

Yesterday, Mr. FixIt and I had a list of things we wanted to accomplish. We went out to breakfast with Ben & Sue. We started out at Denny’s, but after 15 minutes and no one did so much as bring us silverware, we got up and left. We went to Perkin’s Pancake House. After breakfast, we headed out to run our errands. By the time we were finished, it was 3:00 and we decided to go to Caribou Coffee and get something cold and refreshing.

I am adamant about my caffeine intake. I cannot have regular coffee after about noon or else I’ll be up all night…ready to plow the south forty. I got about halfway through my iced coffee when I realized I forgot to order decaf! O. M. Gosh!!! As I’m writing this, it’s 8:30 Wednesday evening and I could start painting a barn if I had one! Zooooom! Zooooom!

It’s been hot here, but nothing like the heat y’all are getting back east! Ninety-eight here is certainly not the same as ninety-eight back home. I hope you all are staying safe and well hydrated so you stay healthy!

❤️

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV

Mother Cabrini Shrine

Tue, 16 Jul 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“The view from Mother Cabrini Shrine is stunning!”

The other night when I picked Mr. FixIt up from the airport, I was accelerating to get on the interstate when the transmission made an eerie slipping sound. I turned to him and said, “Did you hear that?” He did…it wasn’t just me! I had heard this same noise several times and I was really worried something was wrong with the transmission. But, Mr. FixIt has been in that truck hundreds of times and never heard it.

Before I even got up yesterday, he and Ben had looked up the number for a reputable transmission shop nearby and as soon as I had a cup of coffee, I called them up. They told me to bring the truck right in and they would check it for me. The transmission fluid was low and they added a whole quart to it. Then the manager of the shop drove the truck around and came back. He said it made every sound it was supposed to and no slips. No surprise there. However, when I got out and drove it, I was pleasantly surprised to feel and hear how smoothly it was shifting, so I think we may have fixed the problem. When we prepared to leave, I asked how much I owed them and they said, “Not a thing. You have a great trip!”

If you need a good transmission place in Arvada, Colorado…go to Jerrod’s!

Since we suddenly had a free day in front of us, we ran to Starbucks for a cup of coffee then headed to the mountains. I was thinking of taking Mr. FixIt to Red Rocks Amphitheater, but I could see dark clouds starting to form in the west. I decided instead to turn into Mother Cabrini Shrine to explore instead.

It has been a full forty years at the least since I’ve been up there. I once went up there and just sat in the field near the shrine to gaze out over downtown Denver. I haven’t explored when improvements were built there, but I don’t remember all those steps. My memory had a path going up and you could walk out into the field surrounding the statue of Jesus at the top of the hill. But, like I said…it has been four decades since I was there so I’m not sure my memory is accurate.

I was surprised the chapel didn’t have candles to light in memory of someone. But there was a grotto below and a much smaller chapel with candles. I lit four candles for special people and said prayers for all of you. Then we went down to the springs. When Mother Cabrini purchased this land for a retreat for orphans, she told others she got it so cheap because there was no water. When she explored the land, she struck a rock with a staff, it broke open, and fresh spring water flowed out from it. We each drank a glass of this miracle water and thanked God for the blessing of the water in such an arid place.

Mother Cabrini is the first American to be canonized as a Saint. There is a small museum on the property with personal articles that belonged to her. There were also religious relics on display. You could even take a free third degree relic which was a laminated card with a tiny piece of fabric which had come into contact with Mother Cabrini’s clothing somewhere along the line. It was all quite fascinating.

We left just as it started to sprinkle and headed to Olive Garden for an early supper. Then back to Ben and Sue’s. It was a fun day and a good workout with all the steps up to the Sacred Heart statue. This photo was taken about halfway up and if you zoom in, you can just make out the tall buildings of Downtown Denver in the distance. Day one of exploring is under our belts!

❤️

“"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. "Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”
Matthew 6:1-4 ESV

A Celebration

Mon, 15 Jul 2019 01:30:49 -0600

“Celebrating a love…and a life.”

When Mr. FixIt and I got married last October, it was really a rather spur of the moment decision. I didn’t wan’t my kids to have to spend money to come out for the wedding when we were planning a trip to Colorado this summer anyway. So, I told them we would just have a dinner together with those we love and celebrate that way.

Yesterday was our day to celebrate our wedding with our Colorado peeps. Daughter #1 organized it and we had fourteen people over for the same menu we served at the actual wedding…pulled pork sandwiches, coleslaw, chips, and drinks. In lieu of a wedding cake, and the fact that we all need to fit in our pretty dresses in three weeks for Daughter #2’s wedding, we had fruit salad instead of cake.

It was wonderful to have our loved ones around us. I really wanted them to spend some time with Mr. FixIt and get to know him better…and vice versa. It was such a lovely day and everyone had a great time. And, today is my daughter and son-in-law’s 24th Weddiing Anniversary! Remembering that beautiful day and hoping they have many, many more!

I am so blessed to have these wonderful people in my life.

I ended the day with a note of sadness, however. I found out a sweet friend of mine died after a ten year struggle with cancer. Rae Ann and I connected six years ago after I joined Sisters on the Fly. She was the only Sister in my area. Rae Ann had an infectious laugh, a gravely voice, and was the best storyteller. She could make your sides split without even trying. I had the very good fortune of camping with her several times. The last time was after she found out her cancer could not be cured. She taught me so much about living the life you have to the fullest. She was camping and kayaking up to the last couple of weeks of her life. She will be dearly missed by all who knew and loved her. Rest in peace, Rae Ann. You were a shining example of living in the moment and I celebrate your life today!

❤️

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."”
Hebrews 13:5 ESV

Revisiting Memories

Sat, 13 Jul 2019 01:30:54 -0600

“Daughter #2…Marching to her own drum!”

When Daughter #2 was thirteen years old, she and I took off for a three week road trip. It was epic. She was not only in that early teenager mode. We were also working on repairing the damage done from years of depression and too many prescriptions and martinis…not to mention the overdose. It took a lot out of our relationship.

When I arrived in Denver this visit, the ultimate goal is the wedding. My baby is getting married. My little Moon Pie. Only, she’s a full grown woman…out on her own…thriving…dancing to her own drum, as always. We saw each other the day after I got here and spent several hours visiting and dining out. She made me promise we would do one special thing…just the two of us…before the wedding.

She wanted to go antiquing.

I couldn’t believe my ears. Antiquing? This poor kid was dragged, kicking and screaming, into every antique store in West Virginia, I think. And several between there and Colorado. I loved going to antique stores. She did not. So, this was new. I asked her what brought on this miraculous transformation.

“I don’t know. Just…suddenly, I find myself looking at antiques online. For fun.”

Ladies and gentleman…there IS life after adolescence!!!

So, yesterday was our antiquing adventure. We started out by having lunch with Daughter #1, Big, and Little. Oh…if you have children, you know what that did to my heart…sitting there with my Colorado kids! ❤️melt After lunch, Daughter #2 and I went to the Brass Armadillo off I-70 and Kipling.

We walked in and she stopped in her tracks. Her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open, and she gasped.

“This place is HUGE!”

Yes, my girl…it is!

We wandered around for three hours. She kept grabbing my arm and pulling me over to see this or that. Lots of oooohs and aaaahs and wows. Several times she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tight and thanked me so much for doing this with her. That’s when I realized…this was SO much more than going to see a bunch of old stuff.

This was a celebration. Of healing. Of love. Of warm memories shared. Even of forgiveness. This was a bonding ritual…something only she and I could share as the wedding rapidly approaches and her life is forever changed. This was incredibly special. And we enjoyed every minute of it.

We didn’t get to see 1/4th of the store before we were both fried. We left arm in arm and headed out to the truck. I drove her back to her car. As she prepared to leave she reached over and kissed me on the cheek.

“Thank you, mamacita. That was so much fun!”

You’re welcome, Moon Pie.

❤️

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
Psalm 127:3 NIV

Saying Goodbye to TOW-Wanda!

Fri, 12 Jul 2019 01:30:35 -0600

“TOW-Wanda…being towed away to her new life with a boy.”

Night before last, I put the camper on Facebook Marketplace at 10:00. It sold in thirty minutes! And, there were thirty people right behind the guy I sold it to, ready to step up and pay cash. I was shocked. I was forthright in explaining the camper needed work or would be perfect for a backyard she shed, writer’s nook, guest quarters, or kids playhouse. Still, the price and “camper” were enough to bring everyone out of the woodwork seeking a deal.

The first person who said he wanted it was a guy who just got married on the 8th. He was so excited to get the camper, he was knowledgeable and fully understood what it was going to take to get her fixed. He wanted to fix up TOW-Wanda so he could take his son camping. He took a picture and sent it to his dad. Then he FaceTimed with his son and I could hear their excitement.

This guy knew campers. He knew what it would take to really fix her right. I am so glad about that because I was worried someone who didn’t really know about them might get it and not heed my warnings and try to tow it to the mountains. We had a long talk. We negotiated a price that was fair and acceptable to us both. I told him, I could see God’s hand all over this. For me…to learn a valuable lesson about inspecting campers well before you buy them. And for him…to affordably get into a camper that he has the skills to fix so that he can be a good dad to his son.

Yes…I lost money on the deal. But, no one got hurt…just my pride. And there’s a little boy out there who is going to be one happy camper when he gets to go out in the mountains with his dad. There is no price tag on the making of a man.

❤️

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Blog Inspiration

Thu, 11 Jul 2019 01:30:12 -0600

“Enjoying a midsummer’s eve in Colorado.”

I was talking about my blog the other day with the owner of a lovely antique store in Minturn, Colorado. Just a stone’s throw from the glitz and glamour of Vail, Minturn still holds that little mining town feel it’s had for decades. It is kind of land bound…there can’t be a ton of new expansion and building outrageous mansions for the rich and famous. The town center is located just two miles off I-70, but it seems like a step back in time.

I told the owner of the shop that my life experiences are “blog fodder”. Just about everything I do, I look for the gold in the moment. I ask myself, “How can I weave this into an interesting story without sounding like Aunt Bertha describing her breakfast for the umpteenth time?” I always look for ways my posts can be positive, uplifting, encouraging, and even empowering. I want you to come away with something good for your day…even if it’s just a smile or a giggle.

Yesterday was bittersweet as I began emptying the camper and packing the items away in plastic bins. I need to be able to fit everything in my truck, including what Mr. FixIt brings with him from West Virginia. I’ll list it tomorrow so people can shop over the weekend and hopefully she will find a new home and someone will love her as much as I have. We girl campers have a strong attachment to our little homes on wheels.

I bought some of those big ziplock bags that you vacuum the air out of and the compress the contents for easy storage. I’d never used them before but they were amazing. Ben and Sue have a huge dining room table to accommodate our large family at dinners. I had the top of that table piled two feet deep with pillows, blankets, towels, and my fur throw. By the time I got the items packed and the air vacuumed out, I couldn’t believe how compact it was. There is room in the back under the tonneau cover for one more large bin with some extra space around them. These bags will easily slip between and on top of the plastic bins, keeping the contents from getting wet.

When I was finished with my chores for the day, I went out on the back porch to write. Sue has the most beautiful flowers this summer. It has been rainy and cool up to this week so they are thriving. It’s unusual to keep pots this pretty by the middle of July here in the semi-arid climate of Colorado. The air cooled to a reasonable 81 degrees by 8:30 so I sat there for a long time…admiring the beauty of a midsummer’s eve.

I hope you are enjoying your summer. I was telling Sue at supper list night…I think I’ve only been home a week or so since the last week of May. It’s ok…I’m having a wonderful time and it will only be made better by Mr. FixIt’s arrival on Saturday. Two more sleeps!!!

❤️

“In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
Ephesians 5:28 NIV

Swift Water

Wed, 10 Jul 2019 01:30:31 -0600

“I enjoyed watching the kayakers at Eagle Water Park yesterday.”

When my brother told me he was going to be at the Day Program all day yesterday, I decided to stop in for a visit to see how he liked it. I needn’t have worried. The activity yesterday morning was drum circle. He has loved the drums ever since he was a little boy and asked Santa for a set of bongos. I enjoyed every minute watching him really get into the music and the rhythm. It was so much fun to see him enjoying himself.

I stopped at the cemetery on my way to town and visited with Mr. Virgo again. I was disappointed the night before at the state of the cemetery. The weeds were over your knees in some places. I was also disappointed there were no bluebirds. I always see bluebirds when I go and it wasn’t the same.

Mike is the volunteer caretaker and usually keeps everything really well mowed and trimmed. This year, the rain and cool weather made everything grow so fast, it all got ahead of him. When I arrived there yesterday, he was mowing next to Mr. Virgo’s grave. Three years ago, when I visited the grave for the last time before I made West Virginia my permanent home, Mike was working on some new pine tree seedlings nearby. I went over and introduced myself. I slipped him a crisp $100 bill and asked him if he could keep watch over my husband’s grave for me because I wouldn’t be back for a year. Tears ran down his cheek when he saw the money and he shook my hand warmly.

“I’d be honored to.”

I have to say, there were a lot of weeds everywhere, but Mr. Virgo’s grave was neat and tidy. I called Mike over and thanked him profusely for his gentle care. We chatted for a good while as I pulled what little weeds there were. I laughed as I told him how Mr. Virgo would never pull the right plants when he worked in a flower bed because if it had a flower on it, it wasn’t a weed in his book.

After visiting with my brother, I decided to drive up the road toward Sunlight Ski area. That is where we first lived when we moved to Glenwood in 1986. We had a five bedroom log house on two acres. As I drove up the narrow blacktop, a wave of vivid memories washed over me and I let myself go back to that place in my mind…how it felt to be 33…young, fit, my whole life ahead of me. There were times in the past after the divorce from that marriage where letting myself feel that would have been unbearable. But yesterday was sweet. It was a warm, good memory of when Daughter #1 was Little’s age and I was a stay-at-home mom for the first time in her life.

Once I’d seen all I needed to see, I headed for Denver. But, I kept being drawn to the river. I stopped at Grizzly Creek and watched a guy in a wetsuit swim out to the middle of the raging water to capture a runaway kayak. It was shocking how fast that water was. I could easily see how people could drown in situations like that.

I stopped at Eagle Water Park and watched kayakers battle the man made waves and rapids on the Eagle River. I ran into a guy that was camping in his truck and told me the clouds were actually angels and he had some really great pictures of them. I think maybe he’d been partaking in a little “herbal refreshment”, if you catch my drift.

My next stop was Minturn. There used to be a really cute yarn shop there but it was gone. I went into a little antique store there and chatted with the owner for a while. I purchased a gift for my son-in-law’s birthday. The owner suggested if I had a few minutes to spare, I should go out behind her store and sit on one of the benches along the river and just enjoy…take a minute. I smiled because I’d been seeing signs all over Glenwood the last couple of days imploring people to slow down as they drive through town.

I went out back and watched a hawk hover on the warm wind currents over the river. The sun was warm on my skin and a soft breeze blew my hair across my face. I closed my eyes and listened to the white water rolling big rocks along the riverbed. When I looked across the river, my eyes wandered up the slope noting the incredible variety of wildflowers in full bloom. There was a cliff that ran along the roadside. In it, there was a large hole…a den, I’m sure. I wondered what creatures had called it home over the years.

I finally pulled myself away and got back on the road. It was going on 3:00 when I got to Vail. I’ll bet I haven’t been in Vail proper in twenty years. I pulled into the parking garage and wandered into the village. There were tourists everywhere, wandering around. I stopped and had a fabulous pizza for an early supper then got back on the road. I hit Denver at about 5:30, but most of the rush hour traffic was heading west.

It was a beautiful day for a slow meander through the most amazing scenery. I arrived back at my little camper feeling as though I’d been gone a month instead of just a quick overnight. I felt good getting up there. I’ll be back to see my brother and take him with us to the wedding in a couple of weeks. Time is flying!

❤️

““But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this? In his hand is the life of every creature and the breath of all mankind.”
Job 12:7-10 NIV

Quality Time

Mon, 08 Jul 2019 01:30:19 -0600

“Little snoozing in the morning sunshine.”

Yesterday was so much fun. Little absolutely loved sleeping in the camper. She went to sleep much earlier than usual and I had to wake her up in time to have some breakfast before we left for church. She was very excited to go to “Nana’s Church.” The contemporary mega church model suits Little’s personality to a T. She sat with me and was focused on the sermon throughout. She loved the praise and worship music. She was so animated when we came out of church and declared she wants to go every week. I am highly encouraging that because she had a definite light about her when we came out.

After church, I took Little home and traded….Big came shopping with me all afternoon. We walked all over Flatirons Crossing Mall, had a delicious lunch at California Pizza Kitchen, enjoyed ice cream on our rest break between stores. She is a frugal shopper and had a wonderful time picking out just what she wanted. As I expected, they were things like athletic wear from Dick’s Sporting Goods…with a definite fashionista flair.

The weather here in Colorado has been quite lovely. We have had rain just about every day and it cools things off nicely. The nights have been wonderful for sleeping in the camper with just the windows open and maybe a small fan. Daughter #2 is in the process of changing jobs and found out today her new job doesn’t start till after the wedding. That means we get some more time together this week. I’m so happy for her. This new job pays more, utilizes her degree, and sends her in a direction that offers advancement.

Mr. FixIt is tying up loose ends at home…preparing to fly to Colorado this weekend. I can’t wait to see him! We really miss each other when we’re apart. He has mowing to do and business to attend to. I’ve been looking up things to do to replace the camping portion of our trip. I’d love to show him the Four Corners area and Mesa Verde. We’ll see what all we have time for.

I hope you enjoyed your 4th of July weekend and have a wonderful Monday!

❤️

“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8 NIV

Making “Little” Memories!

Sun, 07 Jul 2019 01:30:08 -0600

“Little’s nest in TOW-Wanda!”

Little is here! She has been at camp all week and we only saw each other for an hour after I arrived last Sunday. I spent a good deal of time with Big this week, so I could hardly wait till Little got back and came over to “camp” with me.

She is my camper. No one else in my Colorado family is even remotely interested in camping. We had big plans to take the camper up in the mountains and stay a couple of days, but with the unfortunate demise of TOW-Wanda…we had to change plans.

I have the camper pulled around behind Ben & Sue’s house, underneath a locust tree. It doesn’t offer anything but a feeling of protection from the frequent hail storms we’ve had this week. I’m plugged into electric and water so I have all the comforts of home in my own little suite.

This incarnation of TOW-Wanda has a queen sized bed with a memory foam mattress that is swoon worthy. It had a bunk bed over the queen bed that also had a memory foam mattress on it. I removed that because I couldn’t sit up without hitting my head. The little dinette collapses down to make a separate twin sized bed that uses the seat cushions for a mattress. Not comfortable for an adult, but just fine for a kid.

Since I’ll be selling this camper here, I went to Walmart yesterday and bought some plastic tubs with tight fitting lids. I spent a couple of hours yesterday taking things out of the camper and fitting them neatly into the storage bins and put them in the back of my truck underneath the tonneau cover. See? There’s a reason I got that before this trip!

With all the extras removed, Little has plenty of room to stretch out and be comfortable while she camps with me. We went out for ribs last night. (Big is a vegetarian so Little and I have to get our carnivore cravings satisfied while her sister isn’t with us.) We had “Mamma Mia: The Movie” downloaded on the iPad to watch after dark.

I don’t get to see my Colorado grands very often…so when I do, I need to make deep and lasting memories with them. Camping with Little last night. Shopping with Big this afternoon. Life is so good!

❤️

“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.”
Proverbs 17:6 NIV

Hail, Hail...The Gang’s All Here!

Fri, 05 Jul 2019 01:30:30 -0600

“The beauty of sunshine and lilies.”

Daughter #2 and I got a chance to spend a few hours together yesterday. We had coffee at the house then went shopping at Target. Man, that store has changed since the last time I went there. I used to shop Target all the time, but we don’t have one anywhere near where we live in West Virginia. After shopping at Walmart all these years, Target looks like an upscale department store.

We went out to breakfast at Sam’s No. 3…a wonderful diner in Cherry Creek that has the most extensive menu I think I have ever seen. Eggs Benedict was my choice yesterday and it was divine. If you ever go to Denver and get to spend any time there, you really should go.

We had a big family gathering with those who were in town yesterday. Lots of food and homemade ice cream. The fireworks were going off all around us. And Mother Nature provided some of her own! We had two big storms blow through with a tornado watch and lots of hail. It did succeed in cooling things off immensely, which was very nice.

I showed the girls the dresses I’ve bought that I could wear to the wedding and we all agreed on one. Also, I gave them the quilt I made for their wedding gift and they loved it! It was a beautiful day with my Colorado family.

❤️

“Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.”
Proverbs 23:22 NIV

The Mother-Daughter Dance

Tue, 02 Jul 2019 01:30:51 -0600

“I am a Happy Camper!”

I danced with my mother. Not literally…but figuratively we went round and round and round. She always knew I loved her and I knew she loved me right back. I made sure of that. But we aggravated the heck out of each other more than I care to admit. We were still moving in that circle when she died rather suddenly at the age of seventy-eight. By that time, my own daughters were well on their way to dancing with me.

My older daughter was very pregnant with my mother’s first great-grandchild and couldn’t come to her grandma’s funeral. I didn’t bring my younger daughter either because she was only nine and in school. I traveled to mom’s funeral alone half the way, meeting up with my Aunt Rosie in the Charlotte Airport for the last flight in.

I have good girls. They are as different as night and day and are often like oil and water, but deep down they love each other because they are sisters. I wasn’t always a very good mother to them. There was that long stretch when I was deeply depressed and nearly non-functional. I drank too much and I took too many prescription drugs. When I overdosed, it ripped the fabric of our relationship and I feared I would never, ever get them back.

We danced our own dance. We went round and round and we didn’t know how to reach each other. I hurt them in ways I couldn’t even begin to fathom till I got well. Then I had to rebuild their trust in me. It was hard, painful work. There were times I was absolutely certain they hated me. But they didn’t really. I wasn’t the only one who had to learn who this new version of me was.

I watch Daughter #1 with her kids. I watch her face some of the same issues I faced and she handles them so much better than I did because she has a wonderful, stable marriage she isn’t also struggling to fix. I love watching her with the girls. Big is learning to drive. She is tall and athletic…a swimmer. She is bright and accomplished and dedicated. Little is part mini-me…part mini-mom. She is petite and eclectic…artistic and sensitive…bright and compassionate. She is a little shooting star.

Last night, I sat at swim practice with Daughter #1 and talked for a couple of hours. It was the first time in a long time that I felt like I didn’t have to hold my breath out of fear I’d say or do the wrong thing and not be the mom I should be. That is baggage I am happy to set down. I knitted while we chatted. There was a warm, easy acceptance that flowed between us and I realized I could relax now. We’re ok. It was a long storm, but we weathered it. We’re better with each other. My heart felt full.

Her kids are older now. She’s had some experience with life that she hadn’t had back when I let them down. I think she gets me a little better these days. We’re all a little older, a little wiser, a little softer. I think now, our dance is sweeter.

❤️

“"Behold, everyone who uses proverbs will use this proverb about you: 'Like mother, like daughter.'” Ezekiel 16:44 ESV

America’s Bread Basket is Baking!

Sun, 30 Jun 2019 01:30:10 -0600

“Clockwise from top left: My rig in the summer sun in Kansas, the long straight stretch that is Kansas…look how green!, my digital laser thermometer that I use to check my hub temperatures at every stop, me looking decidedly fresher in the AM than I was by evening!”

You know you are getting into farm and ranch land when you start seeing billboards advertising bovine genetics and DEKALB seed corn. I left the Lazy Day Campground in Danville, Missouri yesterday morning about 8:00. It was a very long, very HOT day. A section of I-70 was closed at Kansas City so I took the recommended detour. I recognized it as the route I usually take anyway to avoid downtown. There is one interchange on the interstate near the city where you have to get from the right hand side onramp to a left hand side exit in less than 1/4 mile. Pulling a camper makes that a real challenge, let me tell you!!! At least it wasn’t with big TOW-Wanda on a Friday night at rush hour. We have to look for the little things!

When I was emptying the tanks on the camper before I left yesterday, it wasn’t 8:00 yet and the sun would take the hide right off of you. The temperature quickly soared to the high 90’s and by the time I was halfway through Kansas, it was 100. The low was only expected to go down to 80 so I stopped and got a hotel room. When I first got in the room, I cranked up the air conditioner and stretched out on the bed. I texted Mr. FixIt and said, “I am NEVER doing this again!!!” He texted back that I don’t have to. I’m holding him to it!

Ok, it was the third day. It was hard. It was hot. I was tired and probably a little hungry and dehydrated. And knowing I have over 350 more miles to go had me feeling really sorry for myself there for a few minutes. But, once I rested for a while and got something to eat and drink, I felt a ton better. When I stop tonight, it’s going to be at my son-in-law’s parents’ house so I’ll be with family. It’s going to take me a week to rest up and acclimate to the altitude. Mr. FixIt will join me on the 13th so that time will pass quickly.

I had a lot of time to think about this as I was driving yesterday. I don’t like being this far away from Mr. FixIt. I thought about that from every angle. I asked myself if it was co-dependency. I don’t think it’s that at all. I do all kinds of things without him and I don’t need to be attached at the hip. I talked with my dear friend Deneene about this last night. She lost her husband unexpectedly about a year after Mr. Virgo died. She is also recently remarried. We decided it’s not co-dependency at all. It’s the fact that we KNOW what can happen and how quickly it can come. I don’t think it’s that I’m doing something without him. It’s that I’m doing something so far away from him and I can’t get to him quickly. THAT I don’t like at all.

Still, it is fun in many ways. I’ve seen some beautiful countryside. The sky was blue and wide open. I’ve forgotten what that looks like living in West Virginia. (I took the picture while driving but my phone was in a cradle and all I did was touch the screen. No eyes off the road for me!) I don’t have anything pressing to do once I get to Denver so I can relax and catch up on my rest, keep myself really hydrated to counteract the altitude, knit, write, and visit with my Colorado peeps. I could not believe how green Kansas is. They had the same long, drawn out, wet spring everyone else had. It is so hard to believe the temperature is in the high 90’s in Colorado and one week ago they had two feet of snow. Crazy weather!

Oh, see that picture bottom right? That’s my digital laser thermometer. After burning up an axle in Indiana two summer ago, I check my hubs religiously…every time I stop and get out of the truck. I know you can just put your hand down there and feel if it’s hot, but how hot is too hot and if it IS that hot, you’ll burn the heck out of your hand. I keep watch on it and it’s always between 100-110. That’s perfect. If it goes up, it means the bearings need grease.

Well, I’m on the last leg of this Grand Adventure. The last leg of the first part of it, anyway! It’s just me and Jesus…making our way west!

❤️

“….“The Lord watch between you and me, when we are out of one another’s sight.”

Genesis 31:49 ESV

#Separation, #Marriage, #Adventure

Travel: Lotsa Learnin’ Goin’ On Here!

Sat, 29 Jun 2019 01:30:17 -0600

“I use a French press a lot when I camp. I have a manual grinder, too.”

So, yesterday morning I took my time waking up. I do that when I travel. My Bible app has a year long study where you read the whole bible in a year. With the trip to Florida, being sick, and getting ready for this trip, I was thirteen days behind. I don’t like to get behind on that one because there’s a good deal to read every day. I spent a little extra time reading while I enjoyed a tasty cup of coffee. I chatted with Mr. FixIt for a while. I finally got on the road about 10:00.

The drive was uneventful. I usually drive in silence because I do my best thinking when I drive. But I wanted to listen to music so I pulled into a rest area and tried to figure out how to connect my phone to the sound system on the truck. It took me a few tries but soon I was bebopping down the highway listening to some praise music.

Around 3:00, I pulled into another rest area and stretched out in front of my hillbilly air conditioner again. When I was almost to St. Louis, Mr. FixIt called. We were chatting as the GPS took me around the city. Still…it was 5:00…on a Friday…in June! Heck of a time to go through there. I wasn’t on the phone long because I needed to concentrate.

Suddenly, two things happened. I noticed the sky got really dark all of a sudden. And, Mavis…my GPS persona…announce I-70 was closed. Closed? Are you kidding me? How do you close a whole interstate. I had to make some quick decisions but the weather did it for me. The sky opened and I was suddenly driving through what looked like a car wash.

I quickly pulled off the highway and into a Denny’s parking lot. I ran through the rain and jumped in the camper. I pulled my vegetable lasagna out of my 12v slow cooker and ate dinner while I watched both an amazing lightning show as well as a band of bright red storms march toward me on the Weather Channel radar.

I looked through the Good Sam Camping Guide and found a campground on the other side of St. Louis. I called and they had one site left. I should have called yesterday morning but I honestly forgot it was Friday. I seldom make reservations when I travel and so far I have never lacked a place to stay.

Before long, the storm was past me and I got back behind the wheel. The detour took about an hour because it was bumper to bumper stop and go traffic for 19 miles. I arrived at the campground and registered. They showed me to my site and it’s perfectly lovely. When I was at Walmart yesterday, I bought a replacement shower head for my camper. I installed it after I arrived last night. Easy peasy. And, the hot water heater worked! Imagine that! We hadn’t even tried it out yet.

As soon as I could, I jumped in that teeny tiny little shower. It was easier to FIX the shower than it was to TAKE one! Once I was all done, I felt like a million bucks. If you look at the map, I am almost exactly at the halfway point. That’s great…but I still have a long way to go! I’m not going to try to make it to Colorado tomorrow. I’ll take it easy and stop in western Kansas or eastern Colorado.

Learned a lot of things today. 1) Make reservations if your camping on a Friday. 2) Pay closer attention to the calendar. 3) Check further ahead for weather and road conditions. 4) Changing a shower head is easy. 5) Listening to praise music is a great prep tool for stressful circumstances!

Enjoy your Saturday!

❤️

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
James 1:2-4 ESV

Road Trip: Can’t Keep a Good Gal Down!

Fri, 28 Jun 2019 01:30:19 -0600

“A Shady Spot”

If you would have asked me at 10:00 Wednesday night, I would have told you (as I told you this morning) there was NO WAY I was going to leave for Colorado yesterday morning. Ahhhh…but, once I got past the icky stomach, took my tummy medicine, and slept a solid eight hours, it was a whole different ballgame.

Because I was getting up and down, I slept in the guest room so I wouldn’t wake up Mr. FixIt. I awoke before dawn…around 5:00…and felt great. I read my devotionals and caught up on some correspondence then my sweetheart came to check on me around 7:00. I met him with a big smile and said I was good to go! He smiled back with relief. He doesn’t like it when I’m sick anymore that the other way around.

It took a couple of hours to finish packing the truck and camper and I was on the road by 9:00. My first stop was Walmart to pick up a few things. I had some things to return. I got back to the camper and put away my purchases and got in the truck. There were my return items sitting on the front seat. Oy! I really didn’t want to cart them to Colorado so I went back in and stood in a long, slow line. But, it’s done and I was out before too long.

The next and final stop was gas and a great big drink to stay hydrated on my trip. The young gal behind the counter was very excited because she is leaving on vacation today. Her very first camping trip! Well, I turned right back around and talked with her for awhile! I sure hope she has a grand time and decides to keep right on camping! Those first few camping trips are critical. You’ll either love it or hate it.

It was really hot yesterday and about midway through my drive, I pulled over into a rest area to stretch out on my bed. Well, it was over 90 degrees! Of course, when you pull into a rest area, there’s no electricity, so no AC. You need to improvise. The last time I drove cross country alone, I stopped in Kansas for a rest and needed to do something to cool off. I had a tiny little battery fan and a cold pack from the freezer. It worked ever so slightly, but it wasn’t long before the cold pack was melted and that was the end of that.

When I was at Walmart yesterday, I bought two 10” fans that are powered by fan and batteries. I’ve also taken to carrying a very large bottle of water that I keep in the freezer of the camper. Went I stretched out on my bed yesterday, I sat the large frozen container in a basin and put the fan behind it. I also had three water bottles I had frozen. I set them up in front of the other fan. I positioned myself in front of the cool air and had a lovely mini siesta. Perfect! I popped all the bottles back in the freezer before I pulled back on the highway.

“Hillbilly Air Conditioner!”

That right there is a little hillbilly ingenuity. Appalachians are a resourceful lot. I arrived at my favorite little campground in Richmond, Indiana at around 5:30…had supper from my slow cooker and enjoyed the beautiful surroundings as the sun went down. I tried to keep from turning on the AC, but it was still 85 degrees at 8:00 and I was done with the heat by that time. I’ve never slept all night with the AC on in this little camper. It’s pretty noisy in this tiny little space.

I wrote early last night so I could have a good solid night’s sleep. Yesterday was a long day, but I didn’t get very far. That’s usually how it works on the first day out. For me, anyway. I monitored all the systems on the camper and the truck and everything worked just as it should so I don’t foresee any difficulties. As always, I say my prayers for travel mercies. I appreciate when you do, as well.

Have a beautiful Friday!!!

❤️

“Guard me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from violent men, who have planned to trip up my feet.”
Psalms 140:4 ESV

A Tidy Purchase

Wed, 26 Jun 2019 01:30:58 -0600

“A tonneau cover turned out to be an extraordinary pargain!”

I told you all yesterday about our great find…a tonneau cover for my truck. We installed it yesterday and it was SO easy. It only took about fifteen minutes to do. We had to trim a couple small places in order for the tailgate to close, but that was super easy to do. We didn’t realize exactly how good this deal was till Mr. FixIt looked up this particular model of cover. New, they sell for nearly $800! And the carpeted bed liner sells for almost $500! We got them both for $75!!! Ok, I’m a little excited! Such a good bargain hunter I have for a husband.

We went to the farm yesterday. It appears the young man we had arranged to mow the yard…didn’t. But that’s ok. It is still mow-able without having to bale it. It is awfully wet out there. In the two weeks we were gone, the farm got over four inches of rain. We only got two at the Ponderosa. The ground is soggy when you walk out there. The house at the farm sits back in a holler and doesn’t get much sunlight. It’s nice for keeping cool, but causes a lot of problems with mold and mildew.

We noticed some evidence of termites this time. The first time I’ve seen that so we need to jump on that right away. I did a deep cleaning out there because my uncle is coming for a visit while I’m in Colorado and I wanted fresh bed linens for him. I mopped the floors and dusted. Mr. FixIt cleared off the back porch and scrubbed it down. Everything looked wonderful when we were finished.

I had every intention of leaving for Colorado today, but have decided to wait till tomorrow. This way I don’t have to run at breakneck speed getting everything done and I can take my time. The linens have all been washed and put back on the bed. I have some items to take out of the camper…things I took camping at Blackwater Falls and won’t need on this trip. This will cut down on the weight I pull which will improve my fuel consumption.

Oh, another thing Mr. FixIt did for me. Something was wrong with the water pump in the little camper. A water pump is supposed to turn on, build up pressure, then shut off. It only comes back on when the water pressure drops as you’re using water in the sink or toilet. Mine wouldn’t shut off. It ran on and on and was dreadfully loud. While we were in Florida, we discussed it and I ordered a new pump. It was here when we returned. Mr. FixIt installed it yesterday and it works perfectly! Now the only things I have to do is replace the shower nozzle and test out the hot water heater and we’re in business. Having your own shower when you camp is such a luxury.

I’m really getting excited now about the trip. I can’t wait to see my Colorado family…I’ve missed them so much! Today will be fun packing and preparing for a much needed road trip. Many of you asked yesterday. Mr. FixIt will fly out in a few weeks to join me before the wedding. Then, we will camp around Colorado and all the way back across the country. I’ve been looking forward to this trip for a whole year…I can hardly wait to get started and savor every single moment!!!

❤️

“Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out.” Deuteronomy 28:6 ESV

Road Trip: Falling Into Place

Tue, 25 Jun 2019 01:30:20 -0600

“Tonneau Cover for a Pickup”

My old truck had a fiberglass topper on it. It was really nice. I had the top lined with a carpet liner as well as a carpet bed liner. I had a couple of garment rods, a light, and two 12v outlets installed as well. It had a rack on the roof for my kayak. It was a sweet setup. Then, when my truck was totaled, the topper and all it’s accouterments went with it.

My new-to-me truck just has a plastic bed liner. There have been many times I have wished I had some way to tote things on my trips without necessarily having them visible to anyone who parks right beside us. I happened to mention this to Mr. FixIt the other day. He doesn’t forget things like this. We’ll get back to that in a minute.

A lot of things fell into place yesterday. First, we thought we might need new tires before I head to Denver. Mr. FixIt called all around and finally found a suitable pair for a reasonable price at Sam’s, but still…mounted and balanced…four tires were going to cost nearly $800! A chunk of change, to be sure. That’s the price of owning a truck.

We signed in at the tire desk, ordered the four tires, and paid for them. It was going to take about two hours so we started wandering around the store. About ten minutes later, they paged me overhead and we went back to the auto department. It turns out, I had a little over half the tread left on the tires and he didn’t want me to buy something I didn’t need.

How refreshing! Thank you, Brandon!

I did ask them, since they already had the truck back there, to please rotate the tires so they did that. As we were looking around the store, Mr. FixIt got a text. He said he had found a used tonneau cover for my truck for $150. I texted the woman selling it. She asked if I could also use a carpet bed liner! Well, yes…as a matter of fact. She then went on to tell me she was sick and tired of advertising stuff and if I wanted them both, she would sell them together for $75. Score! Now I can have a cover over my stuff during the Colorado trip.

We went to pick up our mail at the post office and there was my new water pump for the camper. Mr. FixIt can get that put in for me today, I can clean out my camper and restock it, run to town, change the oil on the truck, and leave for my trip west…maybe on Wednesday! I am really looking forward to seeing my kids and grandkids so if everything lines up like this, I’ll be on my way sooner rather than later.

Another road trip, Ranchers! Head ‘em up…move ‘em out!

❤️

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
Proverbs 16:9 ESV

The Simple Things

Mon, 24 Jun 2019 01:30:28 -0600

“My birthday present…a shade for the tractor!”

Mr. FixIt and I were in Florida on my birthday. Like most men…smart men, anyway…he wanted me to tell him what I would like for my birthday. I told him, if I were younger, I would dearly love to have a chainsaw. He smiled. I told him all the great things I would do with a chain saw. The only thing is, I don’t have the upper body strength to do much with a chain saw anymore. So it was a rather moot point.

I couldn’t think of anything else. I don’t need tchotchkes. I like to buy my own clothes. I don’t need jewelry or anything fancy. Experiences are the best, but I was even drawing a blank for that. Finally, I told him there would come a moment when I would know exactly what I would like to have for my birthday and he could buy it then.

After church yesterday, we stopped at Lowes to pick up some dust masks so I can mow without worrying about getting another sinus infection. While we were there, I turned to Mr. FixIt.

“Do they make some sort of umbrella or something to put on the riding mower so when I’m out mowing, I’m not sitting out in the hot sun?”

“I’m sure they do, sweetheart. Let’s go look.”

We came around the corner to the riding mower display and there, before my very eyes, was exactly what I wanted! My husband always looks at me in a rather bemused way…as though I’m some sort of strange and exotic creature he’s never seen before. And, I suppose in a way, I am. He has never known a woman who would want a sunshade for the riding mower as her birthday present.

When we got home, he put my shade together and…unfortunately…there was a piece that was broken on it. I managed to fiddle with it and made it work yesterday while I was mowing, but we will return it for one that isn’t broken. It worked really well. The only think is, you have to be really careful when you are going under trees because the low hanging limbs will knock it down.

When I finished mowing, I came around the corner and Mr. FixIt was in the pool cleaning it out so that when I was done, I could take a refreshing dip. What a sweet man! Afterward, we went to the local pizza joint. We ran into my cousins and visited with them while we ate. It was a perfect, sunny summer day. My grandma would have declared we are “knee deep in June.” She would have been absolutely correct!

❤️

“While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease."”
Genesis 8:22 ESV

Home Again, Home Again!

Sun, 23 Jun 2019 01:30:48 -0600

“Clockwise from top: The BEST Carolina BBQ I have EVER eaten…Phifers!, I almost finished one sock this trip, Griffen the Grey (a French Bulldog), a field of yellow lilies.”

I love a good road trip. And I love getting back to my own bed. In this case…the one in TOW-Wanda! I have missed this camper so much while we were gone. Isn’t that silly? Mr. FixIt and I were trying to explain to our friends in South Carolina the merits of sleeping in our little camper out on our property with this really great memory foam mattress. I think they got it. No matter…we made a bee line home yesterday and I barely emptied the truck before I was stretched out and writing this!

I got a text from Big yesterday asking if we were about to get hit with some bad storms. I thought we had dodged them, but apparently not. We stopped in Statesville, NC at an RV dealer to get something when the sky started looking really menacing. We hurried over to our favorite BBQ joint and just got seated when the rain started coming down in buckets.

This barbecue place was just a chance find a couple of years ago. We stopped over night in Statesville that trip and the gal at the front desk said we had to go to Phifer’s for the best BBQ in North Carolina. Now, I’m not a huge fan of the North Carolina style sauce. It has more of a mustard base and has a distinct vinegary taste to it. But theirs? Oh…..my…..gosh. It is sublime!

I asked the nice BBQ lady yesterday what the best thing on their menu was. She said, “ALL of the things!” I said…bring it!

I had a BBQ sandwich with the slaw on it. And a side of fries. I am a fast eater. Mr. FixIt is always getting on me about that. Not yesterday. I savored every last morsel. And, I kid you not, when I beheld the last bite between my thumb and index finger…I felt sad. It was over! It ended far too soon!!! It was a heady experience that I wanted to hang onto. The sauce has just the slightest kick to it. And it seemed there were red pepper flakes in the meat itself. So my mouth held onto this delicious warmth for an hour or so afterwards. I have never experienced food in such a way before!

I want to get back in the car and live next door to this place.

Is that so unreasonable?

Ok…ok. I’ll just have to wait till the next time, I suppose. Uber eats would be WAY over the top, right?

It rained on us part of the way home but it wasn’t too bad. I almost finished knitting one sock of the pair. I caught a picture of a field of yellow lilies. And there’s little Griffen, the grey! He was just as kissable as he looks.

And here it the very best part…there was NO water in the basement!!! Thank you, Jesus…we’re coming to Your house this morning!

❤️

“Go, eat your bread with joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do.”
Ecclesiastes 9:7 ESV

The Deep South

Sat, 22 Jun 2019 01:30:57 -0600

“A canopy of live oak lines a stately boulevard in the equestrian city of Aiken, South Carolina.”

I don’t know if y’all consider South Carolina to be the “Deep South” or not, but I do. Anything south of the Mason Dixon line is Deep South to me. I love the south. Southern hospitality, amazing architecture and delicious taste sensations await you in the south. When you can sit and get as much moisture off the outside of a cold glass of iced tea as there is liquid inside…you are celebrating the Summer Solstice in the Carolinas.

When we left the condo yesterday morning, we made a bee line for St. Augustine where I met up with my longest long-time friend…my sister of another mother…my partner in crime…mi amiga who would open a can of whoop a** on anyone who ever did me wrong….THAT friend. We jumped out of our cars and ran into each other’s arms. We haven’t seen each other since my mom died fifteen years ago and our reunion has been long overdue.

We crammed a lot into the following two and a half hours till we finally had to kiss and hug over the car door for another half hour. That’s a southern thing…the long front porch goodbye then the longer driveway goodbye. We finally tore ourselves away and headed for Aiken, South Carolina.

My dear friend Deneene and her husband Mark got married this spring and we were unable to attend because we were away at the OBX. We had never been to their home nor had we met the newest member of the family…a lovely blue-grey French bulldog named Griffen. Shortly after we arrived, we went to visit Mary…a Sister on the Fly I met in Nashville four years ago at the Country Living Fair. Deneene and Mary met here and somehow I came up in the conversation and they both knew me. Small world.

We went on a “windshield tour” of Aiken and saw much of the equestrian facilities. We drove around and ogled the stately homes along wide boulevards connected by tunnels of live oak dripping with Spanish moss. The air was sticky and hot and we soon found ourselves at Deneene and Mark’s favorite ice cream parlor. I had a blackberry ice cream that made me swoon, it was so good.

I caught this picture of the lovely old live oak canopy. Mark stopped and let me out so I could patiently wait for the traffic to subside in order to get as unobstructed a view as possible. I stood in the middle of the street and marveled at the view. The story is, a physician used to drive his horse and carriage up this boulevard to and from his rounds. His wife felt so sorry for him in the scorching Carolina sunshine so she had these live oak trees planted to provide him shade.

It was a lovely day and evening. Old friends are the touchstones we have with our former selves. Love knows no distance. Nor does it know time. Each visit picked up right where we left off the last time. You almost feel like, “So, anyway…as I was saying…” And they totally know what you’re talking about. That’s a GOOD friend…a dear friend…an honest and true friend.

What an incredible honor it is to have friends like that.

Today we head on home. It will be at least a ten hour day. I knitted all day yesterday. I can’t ask Mr. FixIt to do all the driving today though. I have to do my share. But I do so love to knit while we drive. We have periods of animated conversations. And, we have periods of companionable silence. We are great travel companions, come to find out.

❤️

“Again the watchman reported, "He reached them, but he is not coming back. And the driving is like the driving of Jehu the son of Nimshi, for he drives furiously."”
2 Kings 9:20 ESV

Vacations: Past & Present

Fri, 21 Jun 2019 01:30:50 -0600

“Vacation Photos: The Making of Memories”

The idea of a vacation was totally foreign to me till I was in my late twenties. My family were not big travelers. We didn’t go to the beach every summer like many of my friends’ families did. We didn’t go camping or hike or play on the river that was a mere five blocks from our house. My Grandma was only west of the Mississippi a couple of times in her life. The first was to see my Uncle Sonny get his wings as an Air Force pilot. The second was when she went to Minnesota to visit my aunt’s resort on Lake Kabetogama. Two vacations in her life.

We didn’t have the money to have extravagant vacations. We visited my aunt and uncle over near the eastern panhandle of West Virginia for a week every summer. That was as close to a vacation that I ever got until I was married to Hubby #2. Our first real vacation was a road trip, car camping around Colorado. After that, we went to West Virginia several times to visit family and one year we went on a twenty mile backpack trip there.

The first extravagant vacation we had was a trip to Cancun with friends the year before I had Daughter #2. We went to Hawaii once, but it was very difficult to get him away from his practice for very long. We did quick trips to DC, Yellowstone, and Disney. After he and I parted company, I traveled alone whenever I could. I took Daughter #2 on a three week road trip when she turned thirteen and took her to Mexico for her sixteenth birthday.

When Mr. Virgo came along, we had great plans to travel when he retired. We did go on a long road trip for our honeymoon. We went to Utah once, and Yellowstone twice. In the summer of 2011, I took him to West Virginia to meet my family. He wanted to take me to Europe to see all the beautiful places he had been. We were buying a camper for retirement when he died.

Heading out on my own again, this time with my own little camper, I found travel to be my solace…my escape…a panacea for the pain of losing my husband. I traveled a lot in those years following his death. And, I was still on the road when my Uncle Bud called me home to live on the family farm. Even living there seemed like a vacation…a dream vacation luxuriating in the memories of my loving family.

Then, Mr. FixIt came along. Thankfully, he was retired and itching to get out and do things. We’ve already accomplished more travel in the short time we’ve been together than I did in the last thirty years. But, is it really “vacation” when you’re retired? Yes and no. No, because every day is Saturday, to some extent. We aren’t bound by the clock and time is somewhat our own. Yes when you consider all the work our properties entail.

I am so grateful for the opportunities to travel and see new places. I know there may come a time in the future when I may not get to do these things, so I’m making up for lost time. I’m banking memories like a squirrel hiding nuts. Someday, I’ll look back on all this…I’ll read the pages of this blog or my book…and have some wonderful stories to tell.

❤️

“I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil—this is God's gift to man.”
Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 ESV

Working Vacation

Tue, 18 Jun 2019 01:30:34 -0600

“I can’t think of many places that are prettier to write than at the beach!”

If writing is my “job”, then I’m always working…every day…365. It doesn’t FEEL like work. They say if you find something you love to do, you’ll never work another day in your life. And I do love to write. I once tried to calculate how many words I’ve written since Mr. Virgo died. I stopped at a million. That was a long time ago.

Everything I see or do becomes “blog fodder”. An opportunity to tell a story, share an insight, or discover new places together. I love telling stories. Where I find my stretch is in writing “content”….a disconnected observation without personal viewpoints involved. It’s more like news reporting. I have been contracted to do some of this type of writing and it doesn’t come nearly as easy to me.

Back when I first attempted writing, I asked a press writer/photographer to read some of my work and give me an honest opinion. He told me it would never be publishable. I put too much of myself in my writing. In his defense, this was before blogs. But still, he was the wrong person to ask, or take and opinion from. If I hadn’t have listened to him, I might have been writing for the the last twenty years instead of the last six.

Part of this new project does use my writing style, and I am most grateful for that. I am blessed that I have a husband who knew from the get go that my writing is as much a part of me as my arms or legs. He isn’t the kind of guy that needs babysitting or entertained on an ongoing basis. He has his own interests that he pursues when I sit down at the keyboard. I am careful to keep things balanced, but when I am working on a deadline, I have to get in the zone.

Can you think of a prettier place to sit and write than on the beach? My only problem this day was the wind and my shorter haircut. The wind slowly sent my beach umbrella listing at a forty-five degree angle. And it had my hair in my face and eyes to the point of utter distraction. I packed up and moved up to the pool area. Much less wind and reflection on the screen of my iPad, but by then, my battery was low.

At that point, my only option if I wanted to get this thing knocked out was to go back indoors. It was a good thing Mr. FixIt was ready to go inside, as well. A pitcher of ice tea was made. Some peanut butter and crackers and a bowl of berries were consumed. And my sweetheart headed off to Walmart for a loaf of bread and a jug of milk so I could get back to work without distraction.

I write. It’s what I do. I’ve said it before…I can’t NOT write. I’ve tried. Those of you who have been with me all along can surely remember the times I’ve said, “Hey! I’m going camping and I’ll be off the grid for a few days…see ya when I get back!” Yeah, not so much. I will drive to the top of a mountain to find enough cell signal to post a story. It’s a sickness. An obsession. An addiction. But it’s one I have no intention of walking away from because the benefits I have gained from my writing has far outweighed any inconvenience it has caused.

Till tomorrow…be blessed!

❤️

“Beautiful words fill my mind, as I compose this song for the king. Like the pen of a good writer my tongue is ready with a poem.”
Psalm 45:1 GNT

Early Bird Special

Mon, 17 Jun 2019 01:30:53 -0600

“Father’s Day in Florida…a little slice of Heaven!”

It wasn’t that many years ago that I looked on as “old people” toddled into restaurants to eat dinner at 4:00 in the afternoon. The “Early Bird Special”. “Bonkers!” I thought. “What on earth are they doing eating at this time of day? Don’t they know how to have FUN anymore?”

HA!

Guess who can’t eat anything other than Raisin Bran after 5:00??? Yeah…what goes around, comes around, don’t it?

So Father’s Day started out great. A lovely breakfast served to my sweet man…father to a great family…love of my heart. Then, we headed to the Ponce deLeon Lighthouse. We’ve been there before. It was earlier in the day…I was in much better shape…and it wasn’t so darned hot the last time. The “feels like” temperature yesterday when we arrived at said lighthouse was 98 degrees.

When you came out of the drastically air conditioned gift shop into the Florida heat and humidity at 1:00 in the afternoon, it seriously felt like walking into a sauna. And, there were signs everywhere that said “No water bottles.” Among other important things to leave behind like pets and flip flops.

Seriously? You want a slightly pudgy West Virginian with heat intolerance to climb up 203 steps…without water…or air, for that matter. Ok, I’ve done it before…I’m sure I can do it again. As I climbed the stairs, I got to the first landing and remembered. THIS was the lighthouse I didn’t like before. It gets narrower and narrower the further up you go till it becomes really tight. AND…they don’t open the windows so there is zero air flow.

The last time I felt like this was in 1989 when I climbed up the interior staircase of the hidden inner pyramid of Chichen Itza. Very narrow, steep stairs, slippery with the dampness, only the occasional incandescent bulb hanging dimly to lead your way. Four of us entered…our good friends, Hubby #2, and me. Only two of us made it up. Me and our friend’s husband. The others backed out with feelings of claustrophobia.

This felt tight and close like that and by the time I got up to that first flight, I couldn’t breathe. It was the heat and being out of and still feeling the effects of illness. There’s nothing wrong with saying, “Nope…not doing this one!” I went down and out and sat in a rocker on the front porch of the lighthouse keeper’s house, waiting for Mr. FixIt to come out on the balcony above.

He snapped a few pictures and chatted with some folks from Roanoke then gave me a jaunty wave. When he came back down, he looked like a drowned rat. It was time to cool off and we headed for the air conditioned museums.

Once we were cooler, we headed to the truck and drove down to New Smyrna Beach. I’ve got to tell you, driving down that narrow little street with the Father’s Day crowds didn’t feel much different than climbing that ever narrowing lighthouse with no air. I couldn’t believe how many people were crowded into such a tiny area.

I’ve been there before so I didn’t really need to get out. But it was Father’s Day…we do for the ones we love. I won out when we finally found ONE parking spot in a lot. You pay by entering your driver’s license number and stick in your credit card. When the fee came up in the window, I nearly fell over. $20.00! You had to pay for a full day. Nope! Not doing that either.

We headed back toward our condo and we both decided we were hungry and wanted seafood. We came by Blackbeard’s Inn and remembered eating there the last time we were in Florida. We pulled in and had such a good meal. Blue crab cake and coconut shrimp with a baked potato. All perfectly delicious.

What time was it, you ask?

4:00

The Early Bird Special!

sigh

❤️

‬‬“Do not reject me now that I am old; do not abandon me now that I am feeble.” ‭‭Psalm‬ ‭71:9‬ ‭GNT

On the Mend

Sun, 16 Jun 2019 01:30:42 -0600

“Another beautiful day at the beach.”

Something no one wants to do when they’re on vacation is visit an urgent care. I’ve had a sinus infection for over two weeks and even with a week of antibiotics, I woke up yesterday and was miserable. I knew if I was going to enjoy this vacation at all, I was going to need the right medication so I gave in and went.

I have only visited one quick care before. When I was married to Hubby #2, the doctor, we referred to them as Doc in the Box. We always kind of looked at them as “sort of” doctors. I was so pleasantly surprised by the Atlantic Urgent Care & Walk In Clinic. On a Saturday morning in the height of beach season, I was out of there in less than hour. They were professional and efficient and caring. I got the right meds, started taking them right away, and within a couple of hours, I was feeling 100% better.

We went out for a late breakfast then went to the Arts & Science Museum. What an incredible display they had. They house the collection of the Root family…inventors of the Coca Cola bottle. It was really interesting. I think we had more fun in the Children’s Museum section than anything. We played with all the displays and didn’t feel self conscious at all because it was full of adults doing the same thing.

Afterwards, it was out for a really great meal at Giuseppe’s Pizza. Home for a nap and finished up the day sitting out on the beach till well after dark. There are free concerts and fireworks down at the pavilion about five miles away every Saturday night. We sat out and watched the fireworks and the stars. It was beautiful.

So glad to feel more myself and I’m looking forward to really enjoying our vacation now.

❤️

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”
3 John 1:2 NIV

Facebook Memories

Sat, 15 Jun 2019 01:30:16 -0600

“The Storm King House”

Oh, sometimes those memories that pop up on your timeline are killers, aren’t they? On my birthday, five years ago, I put my Colorado house on the market. I bought this house when Hubby #2 and I split up. It was about a third built and I chose my colors, carpeting, cabinets and countertops, and all the plumbing and lighting fixtures. Even though Daughter #2 was only eleven years old, she spent three weeks at a time with each of us. It was, essentially, the first time I’d ever lived sort of alone.

I was so proud of the house. I did the landscaping myself…laying sod, planting trees and flowers. This was before the days of “TOW-Wanda” so my little house was my sanctuary. I decorated like girls lived there…because, they did. I had green and white striped sofas and lots of florals. No TV. The antique rolltop desk that my uncle left to me when he died sat where an entertainment center was supposed to go.

I didn’t have curtains. I needed all the light I could get. I loved that house. Then, Mr. Virgo came along. Six months after he moved into the house, he diplomatically asked if I had ever given any thought to redecorating. I think the fru-fru girly stuff was getting to his mountain man sensibilities. I acquiesced and when we were married, we got rid of all the furniture and started over.

A friend of mine was moving to Hilton Head and didn’t want to take the furniture from her million dollar house, so I bought about $25,000 worth of furniture from her for $4,000. We painted the first floor living area as loft gold, hung tapestry valances, and brought in the new furniture. We had the painting behind the dining room table done by a Colorado artist. And we found the breakfast table and chairs at a local furniture store.

I felt so….grown up. All this sophisticated furniture with my homey touches of family antiques filled my heart. I really, REALLY loved my house.

Then Mr. Virgo died. We had just refinanced the house five months before he died. In order to give us flexibility with payments, we went with a thirty year mortgage with the understanding we would pay it off quickly when we were flush and still stay afloat on the lean months. Now I was faced with a tenth of the income and a mortgage that wouldn’t be paid off till I was ninety years old!

I quickly began to hate the house. It needed new carpet, new windows, new appliances, new paint. It was nickel and dime-ing me to death. And there were memories around every corner. I couldn’t stand it. I stayed away as much as I could. They tell you not to make any major decisions in the first year after losing your spouse. So, I waited till the next summer and decided to sell.

I wouldn’t change a thing, really. I made my decisions based on what I was faced with in the moment. I suppose, maybe I could have kept the house and rented it out, but that just presents a whole different set of problems. We went through that when we rented it out for three years while we worked around the state. In reality, it would have been cumbersome.

Do I miss it? I don’t know…I look at these pictures and remember how beautiful it was. I remember all my stuff I had in it. I think the thing I miss the most is that great front porch. But that is not the life I live now. That was then. This is now. I have a life now that I wouldn’t trade for the world. And, when we build our retirement home, we can make it any way we want it. And I’ll have a big front porch just like this one. That’s the one thing I’ll ask for special.

Facebook Memories….sometimes they blindside you. Sometimes they show you’re right where you’re supposed to be.

❤️

“For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything.” Hebrews 3:4 NIV

Happy Birthday!

Thu, 13 Jun 2019 01:30:17 -0600

“Happy Birthday, to ME!”

June is my birthday month.

I love June. I love my birthday. So I just combine them and celebrate the whole month!

After sleeping twelve hours straight on Tuesday night, Mr. FixIt and I went down to the beach and walked then played in the pool for a while. After lunch, I took a three hour nap. Seeing a trend there? It’s all about ME ‘cause it’s my birthday month!

Just as I woke up, Mr. FixIt walked in to make sure I didn’t sleep too long and not be able to sleep later. Then he asked me that question every woman longs to hear.

“How would you like to go eat ice cream for dinner?”

Back off girls…I saw him first!

Yes, ladies…I have married the perfect man. Not only does he celebrate my birthday with me for a month…but he also takes me out for an ice cream dinner. Sexiest man alive.

After a dinner of butter pecan in a chocolate dipped waffle cone, we drove around. We shopped at a couple of Mr. FixIt’s stores. We found Aldi’s and picked up a few groceries. Wonderful strawberries for a dollar.

A simple day…Birthday Eve.

Today is my actual birthday.

Sixty-six. Wow. Why does it sound so much older than sixty-five?

Some of the grandchildren were over Monday evening before we left. I told them how old I was going to be.

“Sixty-six! Can you believe that? It has been half a century since I was sixteen! Half a century!!! You know that’s fifty years, right???”

My wise grandson-in-law said, “Did it go fast?”

How do you answer that? Yes…it flew by in a nanosecond! No, it lasted forever! It’s both.

It’s the coolest thing…to be sixteen plus fifty. I was sixteen in 1969…the summer of love. “God Bless Pink Summers ‘69!” That’s how my best friend signed her letters when she was off at a summer internship. Woodstock. Rock and Roll. Hippies. Bell bottoms. Long hair.

I thought I was free.

I was so wrong.

It took living those fifty years to actually BECOME free. Funny how that works. I’d hate to have gone through all that and not learned the beautiful, hard, gritty, wonderful lessons involved.

Sixty-six. Nope, that doesn’t bother me a bit.

I’m a crone now. I love that!

Happy Birthday to ME!

❤️

““ ‘ “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” ’” Numbers 6:24-26 NIV

Van Life

Mon, 10 Jun 2019 01:30:34 -0600

“One of our Girl Campers brought her conversion van to camp in. We were sold!”

My dear friend Gail has a conversion van that is tricked out like a camper. It’s currently in the camper hospital so she camped in a tent this time. But one of the other gals brought her conversion van and was kind enough to give me a peek inside.

I can see now why van girls love these so much! There is a lot you can pack into a small space. Christy has hers in soft pastels and cream, making the space seem much larger. She uses her Yeti cooler as extra seating. She has a whole kitchen crammed in this little cabinet.

This really got my creative juices flowing and I was thinking of all the things I can do to the minivan when I get ready to convert it. The only downside I could see is no air conditioner. She does have a 12v fan she can use, but I’m thinking I would be limited to spring and fall excursions.

Christy spend five weeks at Quartzite, Arizona in the winter and never felt claustrophobic in this setup. She is thinking she would like to take it on the road full-time. I belong to a few Facebook groups that focus on the van life. It’s intriguing…but a little too confining for two.

Anyway, someone asked to see the van…so here she is! Enjoy!

❤️

“It’s better to live in a hut in the wilderness than with a crabby, scolding spouse!” Proverbs 21:19 TPT

One Hour & Thirty-Five Dollars = A Haircut

Thu, 06 Jun 2019 01:30:12 -0600

“Before and After…what a difference a haircut makes!”

I haven’t really felt like my perky self for a while. Nothing I could really put my finger on. Maybe a little tired. Maybe a little down about aging. I’ve been losing weight but avoiding the mirror. It didn’t really dawn on me till I saw pictures from the baptism a couple of weeks ago and I was up on the stage with my bonus granddaughter. Gasp! I looked SO old! I looked like my grandma. Not that that is a bad thing, but I’m talking in her 80’s. I was in desperate need of a haircut!

I always celebrate birthday month…not just a week or a weekend or a day. Nope…I was born in June…I celebrate JUNE! This month I turn 66. It’s only a number. I have more energy than I did at half my age. I remember when I turned 26. I was SO depressed! It had been a WHOLE DECADE since I got my driver’s license. Give me a break! Now it’s been half a century since I got my driver’s license. insert eye roll here

No, it wasn’t my actual calendar age that was getting to me. It was my hair. I got lazy. I got tired of going in every six weeks and getting it cut. I got tired of sometimes having the perfect cut and other times wondering what went wrong. I got tired of spending the money on something that you just have to do over and over and over.

It’s not my fault really. I saw beautiful older women on Pinterest…long flowing locks of silver hair caressing unnaturally perky breasts. Stylishly dressed. Leaning against brick buildings in downtown New York City….their jacket carelessly draped across their shoulders…their chunky boho jewelry and oversized sunglasses deflecting my gaze from anything that could barely be called crepe-y skin. No…Pinterest assured me I would look uber chic with long, silver hair.

Then, I took a look at myself and wondered what on earth possessed me to do such a thing. Me…in my JCPenney sleeveless summer dress made from t-shirt material. Me…of the ample upper arms and comfortable tummy. Me…of the “I know I have makeup SOMEWHERE in this house!” Me…of the Chacos and farmer tan and clip-on sunglasses and floppy brimmed had and a riding mower. Yeah…it was time for a reality check.

I called Michelle on Tuesday and cried uncle. I said, “You win! I’m coming in to cut it off!” I’m almost sure I heard an audible sigh of relief from the other end of the phone. “How’s tomorrow at 11:00?” She didn’t want to wait too long for fear I might change my mind.

An hour. Thirty-five dollars. That’s all it took to bring back my sparkle. It’s really true…if you LOOK good, you FEEL good. I walked out of there feeling like a million bucks! It’s such a simple thing…getting a haircut. Oh, and a pedi. A MUCH needed pedi. I hadn’t had a “Me Day” for such a long time. It was way overdue and I feel so much better.

I sent the before and after photos to Mr. FixIt with a note…”Here’s the girl you fell in love with!” And you wanna know what he said?

“You’re beautiful…but, I didn’t fall in love with your hair.”

My cheeks hurt from smiling.

❤️

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 NIV

Finding my Father

Wed, 05 Jun 2019 01:30:35 -0600

“I don’t remember having a loving relationship with my dad…ever.”

Father’s Day is coming soon. I don’t remember ever seeing a photo of my dad holding me. I don’t remember him offering his hand to help me walk. I don’t recall any kissed booboos or falling asleep in his lap. I do remember him bouncing my brother and me on his knees to the tune of Bonanza when it aired on Sunday nights. I remember watching fireworks from the car three blocks away from the park. I remember going fishing with him…once. I wouldn’t touch the worm. He was done.

My relationship with my dad was complicated. Like every little girl, I sought his approval. It never came. I sought his love. He didn’t know how to give it. He never saw me sing on stage. He never watched me perform on the balance beam. As my brother and I aged, Dad became more and more lost in a bottle of Four Roses.

By the time I was an antagonistic teenager, our relationship had devolved into angry shouting matches and stony silence. He became “the man who lived upstairs”. I married and left home with the first boy who would have me and I didn’t look back. By the time I was twenty-one, to my mother’s great relief, they were divorced.

Dad went back to his roots and moved into a trailer on his sister’s farm. As a widow, she was extremely careful of her reputation and when dad had to be driven home from the bar one night, she stormed into his trailer the next morning and struck him on the bottom of the feet with an iron skillet. She informed him there would never be another incident like that or he would find himself out on his ear. He ended up going on the wagon and found Jesus and married a childhood friend.

I never really knew that man…the one all my cousins knew. The one all the town knew. The one who went to church every Sunday and became the model citizen…to everyone outside. But inside? Our relationship stayed exactly the same. His modus operandi was “blame and shame”. I tried. Lord knows I tried to have a relationship with him. But, in order to do that, I needed to talk about what had happened and he wasn’t interested.

If he would have just once said “I’m sorry, Sis.” Oh, I learned to forgive him because he did what he knew, but that apology would have gone a long way toward mending my broken heart. Instead, I married father replacements. First, the stern disciplinarian. Then the busy doctor who couldn’t express his true feelings. Then Mr. Virgo came along and healed that spot in my heart that needed to know I was loved and cherished and….wanted.

Still, I remember my therapist telling me one time, “You know, Ginny…you’re never going to find your father’s love.” I was bereft. It was as if the final page was read and the book snapped shut. The End!

What do I do now?

I went on. I put a bandaid over the spot where I wanted dad-memories in my heart and went on. After all, I was an adult. I was functioning as best I could with what I had to work with. It was ok, I said to myself. I don’t need a father. I don’t need anybody. Mr. Virgo was the only man I really let in and even he didn’t get to see every room.

Then…my dad died.

Then…Mr. Virgo died.

I was never, ever going to feel that unconditional love again.

I was wrong. I found love again…deep, true, lasting love with Mr. FixIt. And, I was a Christian. I had God. He was my Heavenly Father…but, I still wanted a DAD!

This has been on my heart a lot in the last few weeks. And, just like clockwork, here came the Holy Spirit to minister to that sore place within me. Recently, every sermon has been some variation of this theme.

“Your dad wasn’t there for you. It’s ok. You don’t need him. He was here to do what only he could do and it hurt. But here….I’ve got some really great news for you.

“God IS your dad! He loves you…absolutely…unconditionally. He CRAVES when you come sit with him and lay your head on his shoulder. He WANTS you to take his hand and walk with him. He LOVES it when you talk to him and tell him how your day went and share worries of your mind. He DESIRES you to trust him like the dad that he is. He NEEDS you to know he isn’t ever going to leave you….not ever!”

Wow! How awesome is that? Knowing this…I mean really deep down in my bones KNOWING this…has healed some place deep inside my heart. I don’t have to look for my dad anywhere but up. When I want to hear him talking to me, I read the words he left for me to follow. When I don’t please him, he lets me know. The most important thing he wants me to know is I am the joy of his heart. The object of his greatest longing.

Finally….finally I found my father….in my Father.

❤️

“The same way a loving father feels toward his children— that’s but a sample of your tender feelings toward us, your beloved children, who live in awe of you.” Psalms 103:13 TPT

Keep Moving Forward...Always

Fri, 31 May 2019 01:30:48 -0600

“I’ve finished the wedding quilt!”

I have over 28,000 emails on my iPhone. This makes my daughter crazy. She says, “What if you missed something???” I say, “Yeah, there’s always a chance of that. But, what if I stayed on my phone for 8 hours a day reading, answering, or deleting every e-mail that came through? I wouldn’t get anything else done.”

I have been known to miss an occasional message, but for the most part, when I scan through, I see the important stuff. A couple of weeks ago, I saw something intriguing come through. Someone was searching for quotes about if or how and why blogging through grief has helped me cope. I wrote back and didn’t think much more about it.

It was a rainy, cool day yesterday. I cuddled up in my little camper and stitched the binding on my daughter’s wedding quilt and listened to the rain hit the roof. Occasionally, I caught a glimpse of something brown running by and under my camper. It was two large rabbits. They chased each other all afternoon and made me smile. They made me think of Watership Down. One stopped beneath my window in plain sight. I whispered, “Be careful of the hrududus, bunny!”

Sometimes I feel like I run out of things to say here. I think maybe you’ve heard every story I ever knew. Sometimes I think I begin to sound like your slightly dotty Aunt Felicity who tells you everything she ate today. I know that’s an exaggeration, but still…I wonder if I’m wearing out my welcome. When I stitch or knit or mow or drive, I have conversations with God and I ask him to tell me when I’m done. And, every…single…time, He sends me someone to tell me, “No, dear one. Not yet. Someone tomorrow needs your stories.”

As I stitched on my daughter’s wedding quilt, I watched old black & white reruns of the Andy Griffith Show. Up popped a message from a reader I haven’t heard from in four and a half years. In those years she had lost a husband. Had gained a love. And nearly lost him to a silent heart attack. My posts that they’ve been reading together helped them to see how life can change in an instant. They are working together to create a new life, new adventures, in a new direction. They asked me to please keep doing what I’m doing. It made me cry. God knows our hearts. He hears our pleas. And he sends us answers if we’ll just slow down and listen and pay attention.

After reading that, another message popped up. It was from the woman who wrote to me two weeks ago seeking that quote and the article was published yesterday. I read down through the stories of all the people she had quoted and realized two of them I am connected with on Twitter. I’ll connect with the others now.

Grief is a solitary business yet it thrusts us into a community of others going through similar experiences. The biggest point I made in my story for the article was this…you are not alone. No matter how hard grief is. No matter how isolating it is. No matter how crazy and lonely and forgetful it makes you…you are never truly alone. For me…I have Jesus and my family and you guys.

I’m not about to quit on that.

You can read the collection of stories here: https://www.aklander.co.uk/news/why-blogging-can-help-with-grief

❤️

“For that reason, I don’t run just for exercise or box like one throwing aimless punches, but I train like a champion athlete. I subdue my body and get it under my control, so that after preaching the good news to others I myself won’t be disqualified.”
1 Corinthians 9:26-27 TPT

Gracious Conversations

Wed, 29 May 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“Let your conversations be gracious and attractive.”

I have been trying to be more conscious of my conversations of late. I try to steer clear of gossip…listening or repeating. I try to discern the difference between sharing concern or inquiring of someone’s wellbeing and telling tales out of school. I have to be honest…I haven’t always done the best at that.

I’m a storyteller, but I don’t want to be known as a gossip. So when I have conversations with others, I seek to be gracious. I do have my closest confidants with whom I can be brutally honest, but still be gracious.

It is especially difficult to be gracious in today’s sociopolitical climate. People can be truly offensive without necessarily intending to be. And, the same goes for us. We can easily offend others without being aware of it.

Social media is an excellent place to practice gracious conversation, but it isn’t always easy. I am a co-administrator for our class page on Facebook. I asked that someone be made co-administrator simply because we are aging. So many of our friends were dying, I thought if we lost our administrator, we’d lose control of the page and it’s really wonderful to catch up with our friends there.

I received a message from one of my classmates yesterday informing me someone had placed one of those political articles of questionable origin on our class page. She was gracious and expressed her dismay that something so obviously intended to be divisive had been posted there and would I please remove it.

I went to the page and didn’t do anything more than read the headlines and immediately removed the post. Then, I created a post of my own and said I had removed a political post. I reminded our classmates that there are plenty of pages that support those kinds of posts and it didn’t matter to me whose side it was on…it was not appropriate for our class page.

I reminded them we are only “Big Reds” when we are on that page. It’s intended to keep our classmates informed of upcoming events. All too often these days it is where we inform the class that someone has died. It’s a wonderful place to reconnect with old friends we haven’t seen or heard from…sometimes since graduation.

We can stop the political diatribe from amping up by being gracious in our conversations. And, when that doesn’t work, we can disconnect and/or turn a deaf ear to the offender. Just because someone is baiting us, doesn’t mean we need to bite. I wish it were so simple always. I know it’s not. But it felt good to say, “Look, we’ll have none of that here.”

I was camping with a group of women a couple of years ago. Someone went on a rant about politics AND religion…in the SAME conversation. They were making disparaging comments about Jesus. Our hostess stopped her cold by saying, “I love the Lord, and I will not sit here and listen to any such talk. Let’s change the subject, please.” Simple, honest, gracious, and to the point. The subject changed and that was the end of it. I was very proud. And emboldened to have my own gracious conversations.

Practicing grace and kindness elevates our spirits. It lifts us above the ugliness that can creep in. Go out and practice gracious conversations this week. See what a difference it makes in your stress level.

❤️

“let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance—” Proverbs 1:5 NIV

Praying for Others

Tue, 28 May 2019 01:30:31 -0600

“Praying for others is the key to freedom.”

As time passes, my daughter’s wedding is looming in the forefront of my mind. What to wear? Well, I’ve bought three dresses…so far. It depends what suits me that day, I think. The event seems to be fast and loose so I’m not terribly worried about that part.

As I headed into this, the idea of being the mother of the bride…for the last time really…filled me with delicious anticipation mixed with bits of trepidation. Her father and I have mended a lot of fences over the years and I am so proud of the way we can demonstrate good behaviors for our kids and grandkids. Long gone are the angry jabs at each other over a love gone awry.

I overcame the majority of the pain, anger, and resentment through fervent prayer and good therapy. Prayer was my tool. I prayed my family would be healed. I prayed the father of my child would find joy and happiness with the woman he chose. The more I prayed for HIM, the happier I became.

That being said, the enemy loves to sneak in and tell me lies. He loves to remind me I’ve gained a few pounds and my ex-husband will notice. He loves to make me second guess myself and be self conscious of my body and my dress choice. He loves to whisper in my ear and tell me if I would have been a better wife, that great big estate my ex owns could have been mine.

Lies. They are all lies. I could have been the best wife in the history of the universe and the marriage could have still fallen apart. I’m not taking 100% of that one. I’ll comfortably accept my 50%. If I even consider my weight as being something my ex would judge me for, I’m setting myself up for failure and disappointment.

Here’s the thing…if we look for something, we WILL find it. If I look for judgement, I’ll feel judged. If I look for criticism, I’ll feel criticized…even if it’s subconsciously. And, as soon as I feel those things, I’ll react defensively. That whole scenario is a totally no win situation. Nothing good can come from that.

Recently I read about a technique for recognizing the cycle of anxiety and stopping it in its tracks. The premise is, as soon as you feel the very first sensations of anxiety…even if it’s just the thought of feeling anxious…you pull back and become the observer. Recognize what is happening and say to yourself…”Hmmmm, that’s interesting. I’m having a feeling that stemmed from a thought. It is just a thought.” Then, you picture surrounding that thought in a bubble, reach out, and poke it with your finger.

Poof!

When you can recognize what anxiety really is, it’s much easier to step back, give it a poke, and send it on it’s way. It has been working quite well in the last few months. One would think, at the ripe age of 66 (in about three weeks), I’d have gotten a handle on anxiety long before now. Sometimes it’s the fear of having an anxiety attack that brings it on. It’s crazy…but it’s quite real.

This wedding isn’t about me. His house isn’t about me. My weight isn’t even completely about me in that it was caused by taking steroids twice this year. I’m the only me I have. I am the only mom my kids have. The only Nana for my grands. I am my husband’s queen. He will think I am scrumptious no matter what I’m wearing or where I sit.

This is such a relief…to let go of fear. The fear of rejection. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of doing or saying something wrong.

I am enough. I have always been enough.

Dang…I love my sixties!

❤️

“But the moment one turns to the Lord with an open heart, the veil is lifted and they see. Now, the “Lord” I’m referring to is the Holy Spirit, and wherever he is Lord, there is freedom.”
2 Corinthians 3:16-17 TPT

Wascally Wabbits!

Thu, 23 May 2019 01:30:35 -0600

“Mr. FixIt…working in the garden.”

Mr. FixIt came to me the other morning with a dejected sigh.

“Something ate the beans.”

Again? Hmpffff! Don’t they know that little piece of ground is OURS??? They have five acres. I just want this little patch. Yeah…not likely. We used the rabbit deterrent faithfully…until, we didn’t. All it took was one little rain and one lapse of memory and…poof! No more beans. I think it is the rabbits. But it could be that little chipmunk. Or deer. Or…whatever. The point is…unless you put some sort of protective fencing or netting or both around your garden, you cannot expect to provide a salad bar without getting dinner guests.

That’s ok. We still have the tomatoes. Plenty of tomatoes!!! We had twelve tomato plants and one mysteriously disappeared. No footprints. No trace…just gone. So, we are left with eleven tomato plants and a couple dozen onions. We’re good.

I went to the farm yesterday to get the shades from the big camper. For those of you who have been around for the long haul, you will remember the first thing I did when I bought that camper was take those hideous window coverings off. If I’m going to sell the camper, I need to put them back. While I was there, I did the last load of laundry and gathered some camping items I will need in a couple of weeks when we go to Blackwater Falls with the Girl Campers. That’s one thing I like about Girl Campers…you can bring your hubby if you like. We just ask that they do something on their own while we’re there so we can have our girl time. Mr. FixIt is taking his golf clubs.

I’m taking the ice cream freezer. There is something so special about homemade ice cream when you’re camping. I also brought the screen house. The mosquitoes will be making an appearance before long and some people are more susceptible to bites than others. I want to make sure everyone is comfortable and has a place to sit out of the rain if need be.

When I got home, Mr. FixIt had a table saw on the back of the truck that needed to be unloaded. It was way too heavy to pick up but we used our brains over our brawn and tipped it onto a dolly and down the ramps into the garage. Perfect! Just as we were done, the former Mrs. FixIt came over to pick up a tent to go camping. I really like her and we sat for four hours visiting. Then my bonus granddaughter and the baby came over with ice cream. It was such a beautiful day!

I love that we can demonstrate for the younger generations that the family relationship doesn’t have to end with divorce. We just open our hearts more and let in love and healing.

❤️

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1 NIV

A Lovely Summer Evening

Mon, 20 May 2019 01:30:50 -0600

“Spring? It’s more like summer here in West Virginia!”

Ok…it’s not officially summer for another month. But the temperature on the truck was 93 yesterday afternoon so that is close enough for me! Mr. FixIt and I camped in the yard beside the big building Saturday night and it was wonderful. The windows were open and a small fan on low kept us very comfortable. The mattress in the camper is better than any in the house and it’s the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a week. The climb-over-you bed configuration wasn’t a problem so I think we’re a go for the big Colorado trip later this summer.

Church was wonderful…again. As I stood there, holding Mr. FixIt’s hand, praising with the other…I counted my blessings as I counted my bonus family down the pew. Afterwards was breakfast out and catching up with what’s going on in their busy lives. (They thought it was very funny that their grandpa and I camped in the yard. He does lots of new things since I came along!)

We delivered a saw to his son and checked out the deck they are rebuilding. Then we headed home. I had a deadline to meet on this new writing project I’m involved with so I climbed in my little camper, turned on the AC, and got busy. In the meantime, someone came to look at the camper we are selling. When we were both finished, we did that very fun thing we love to do…we took a drive and stopped for ice cream!

As we walked back in, the light was perfect on our peonies just outside the back door so I had to stop and snap a picture. It was the perfect summation of the day…soft and sweet, warm and blessed. As I write this, I am again in the little camper, the windows flung open, the frogs peeping in the creek beyond the far field. What a rich and lovely life we lead!

❤️

“The season has changed, the bondage of your barren winter has ended, and the season of hiding is over and gone. The rains have soaked the earth and left it bright with blossoming flowers. The season for singing and pruning the vines has arrived. I hear the cooing of doves in our land, filling the air with songs to awaken you and guide you forth.” Song of Songs 2:11-12 TPT

Another Quilt Top

Sun, 19 May 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“Cute camper material for a raffle quilt”

My dear friend Gail and I will be co-hosting a Girl Camper Gathering at Blackwater Falls next month. Gail is so talented and we have so much in common…it’s always fun to camp with her. We have some great ideas for fun things to do while we are camping. This is our Kick Off to Summer Camping Event so I wanted to do something special so I’m making a lap quilt to raffle off. There will be more details as we get things finalized. If any of you are interested in camping with me, this would be an excellent opportunity! Blackwater Falls has cabins and a Lodge so there are alternatives to traditional camping if that’s not your thing. It is a beautiful park with lots to see and do.

I went to Schoolhouse Quilts again yesterday and sewed for a few hours. I almost have the top for the little camper quilt finished. I’ll have to go in next week to finish it up. I just LOVE this material and the colors are SO Girl Camperish. Carolyn who owns the shop had some really cute ideas for the border so I can’t wait to share it with you when it’s done.

Mr. FixIt and I went to the cemetery yesterday to decorate the graves of my family. We will do his family’s after church today. I wanted to avoid the rush of next weekend, especially at the little country cemetery where my family members are. There’s one little lane that goes in…the same lane comes out. And it’s on a hillside so there’s no wiggle room to pass each other.

After the cemetery, we went to North Bend State Park and checked out the campgrounds. The main campground was jam packed with kids, which I think is wonderful. They were riding bikes and playing games and enjoying themselves immensely. I am so glad their parents are getting them out and teaching them the love of camping. That being said, I am past the age of wanting to camp in a crowded campground full of screaming children. Fortunately, there is a new campground for the older, more sedate crowd. It was far more to my liking.

We ran to the farm and had dinner out so it was date night for us. It was a welcome respite to mowing, mowing, mowing!

We didn’t get to go camping this weekend so we camped last night at home in my new-to-me camper. This was our first attempt sleeping in this camper together so we will see how the climb-over-you bed arrangement works.

❤️

“However many years anyone may live, let them enjoy them all. But let them remember the days of darkness, for there will be many. Everything to come is meaningless.” Ecclesiastes 11:8 NIV

Wednesday Evening Walkabout

Thu, 16 May 2019 01:30:23 -0600

“Clockwise from Top Left: Abundant Blueberries, Honey Locust, Wild Grape Vine, Beautiful Peonies”

I finished mowing at the Ponderosa while Mr. FixIt was in town working on a porch he’s building. There were several areas around the edges of the fields where brush, vines and trees had encroached into my mowing space. They are the worst when they hang over and I have to try to mow under them. I bend way far forward over the riding mower, but sometimes a briar will jump out and grab me. So, last night after supper, I did my walkabout and took the loppers with me. I pruned back a lot of branches and threw them into the woods for the critters to munch on and hide in.

I finished the back property line before I gave up for the evening. I love how the fields look when they’re freshly mowed. They smell so good and they are all smooth and even. I snapped a few pictures as I moseyed around looking at the many varieties of trees in the woods beyond the far fields. I love this time of year. The dense foliage makes the shadowy underbrush dark and a cool breeze comes out smelling of musty earth and moldy leaves. It’s a rich aroma of sweet decay combined with cut grass, honey locust, and creek water. It’s heavenly, earthy, decadent. It makes me happy.

Once my tools were put away, I climbed in the little camper, snuggled back into my favorite corner and looked out at the sun setting over the far hill. The reflections of the puffy white clouds and bluebird sky on the windshield of my truck added movement and color to the scene. These are my tranquil moments. It’s MY time. Mr. FixIt is in his recliner inside, watching the news. We both worked hard today. It makes the evenings such a gift.

We are blessed beyond belief. We have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies, and love in our hearts. We have a wonderful family. We have our health. We have each other. As I was walking around the field last night, a bluebird dashed in front of me and I smiled.

“Well…hello there, Mr. Virgo. I’m doing just fine!”

❤️

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV

A Quiet Place

Wed, 15 May 2019 01:30:15 -0600

“Living in a quiet place fills me with peace and gratitude.”

Mr. FixIt had to go help his friend move some things in town yesterday so I hung out at home and “pretend camped”. I piddled around in the camper most of the day. I cleaned up and put things away. I swept and washed the floors and emptied the trash. I wiped things down and stripped the bed. While I was taking off the comforter, I noticed it was damp up by the front wall towards the driver’s side. A leak!

It didn’t leak when I was parked at the campground and we had some pretty heavy rain. This leak came when I was driving through torrential rain on Monday so it has to be either around the window or something at the edge. I happily discovered the bed raises up with pneumatic lifters so I could get under there and have a good look. There were no wet places on the flooring under the bed or in any of the compartments. So I’ll have to look some more.

While I was in under the bed, I got a good look at the water system. Mr. FixIt helped me and we could not figure out why the pump won’t build up pressure and shut off. Again…more investigation is needed. In the meantime, if I can flush the commode and wash my hands and the dishes, I’m not too concerned about the rest of it. Just about every place I plan to camp will have electric and if it’s cold, I have either the electric blanket or the little space heater to keep me warm.

When Mr. FixIt got home, he staked up the tomatoes. Something happened to one of the plants. It’s just gone. The rest look good though. And the beans are coming up much better than last year. I still have a bunch of food in the refrigerator in the camper so I fixed us some supper and we sat at the dinette and ate. That made me smile.

After supper, we went for a quick walk down the road. There’s been some activity on the property next door so we moseyed over to see what’s going on. They are clearing the lot so maybe we’re getting neighbors. We don’t have neighbors within sight of the house so this is something very new for Mr. FixIt. He’s lived here over 40 years.

When we were walking back down the road, holding hands, I looked out over our field and smiled. All of my life I’ve wanted to live on five acres. And here we are! I looked around and thought of all the things I would have liked to have on these five acres over the years. A barn with maybe some animals…a cow for milk and butter, some chickens, maybe a couple of goats or sheep. A big garden. Some fruit trees. I sure would have done more with this than five acres of lawn to mow. And now?

I never say it’s too late to do something. But my priorities have changed. We like to travel and we’re going to be too old before too long to maintain that level of farming. No…we’re looking at simplifying now. But it’s nice to dream about what we might have done, had we been together when we were younger.

This is our little slice of heaven, and so is the farm. When we got back from our walk, I jumped on the riding mower and mowed till it was almost too dark to see. I watched Mr. FixIt with the push mower in the fenced yard. I watched how the mower took the curves of the field and turned them into the swirly rows of a contemporary quilt. I watch the old yellow cat sitting at the edge of the field, eyeing me to see if I was going to sacrifice another turtle for him. Thankfully, I did not. I noticed the petals of the poplar blooms fallen as I mowed over them. I watched the robins swoop in to get the bugs the mower stirred up. I took a deep breath of new mown grass. And…I smiled.

❤️

“He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.” Psalm 18:19 NIV

Rainy Days and Mondays

Tue, 14 May 2019 01:30:55 -0600

“Watching the softball game in the rain and cold.”

I opened my eyes and looked around the camper. Something woke me up but not sure exactly what. I picked up my phone and there was a text from Gail. She had to head home from the campground early and asked me to let her know when I got home safely. We do that, us Girl Campers. Nothing says I love you quite like “Let us know when you get home.”

I thought I might go ahead and get up. I put away just about everything the night before. Instead, I rolled over and pulled the covers up under my chin and dozed off for another three hours. I heated up my coffee and hopped back under the covers to sip and watch the birds around the campground. I recognized a mockingbird and a downy woodpecker. I heard a pileated woodpecker up in the canopy of leaves over my head. I saw some buzzards circling over the nearby field and caught sight of a blue heron with his head tucked back, long legs following along behind him as he flapped slowly on his way to the water.

After my second cup, I decided it was time. I hooked up the camper and took off for home around 11:30. It wasn’t too long till the heavy clouds overhead took on a dark and menacing greenish grey and the sky opened up. I drove through some very heavy rain. I dropped my speed and didn’t use cruise control…two things that increase the risk of hydroplaning.

I stopped at a rest area just inside the West Virginia border and emptied the black tank. I had no grey water this time. I got home and parked the little camper alongside the building out behind the house so I can plug it in and use it for writing and naps. There is something so special about spending time in my camper…whether I’m actually camping or not.

As soon as I got home, I needed to clean up so we could go to our granddaughter’s softball game. We stopped for some supper on the way and it was so cold at the game, we actually parked beyond the outfield and sat in the truck. It rained a few times but not enough to delay the game. Our team lost, but they sure worked hard. They have a rematch tomorrow at an away game.

When I got home, I turned on the electric blanket on the bed in the camper and climbed in. As I did, I noticed the coverlet on the bed is damp. Apparently the camper leaked somewhere as I was driving through that heavy rain so I’m going to need to get to the bottom of that. It doesn’t leak sitting in the rain so it must have come from the water splashing up from the road. Ahhhh, campers…there is always some thing that needs fixed or replaced.

Home, Sweet Home…it was so good to see Mr. FixIt and give him a big hug!

Thank you, God…for travel mercies, for such good friends, and for a precious homecoming.

❤️

“The Lord will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.” Psalms 121:7-8 ESV

Camping With the Girls

Thu, 09 May 2019 01:30:29 -0600

“The sun sets on another fun day camping with the Girl Campers.”

There is something special about camping with a bunch of gals. In ancient times, women gathered at the well when they went to fetch water. Farm women gathered at the Grange or at barn raisings, or when babies were born. Quilting Bees and Afternoon Teas. Women have always wanted/needed the company of other women.

When I was much younger, I got along with men better than women. I found women to be gossipy or competitive…neither of which were appealing. However, since Mr. Virgo died, I have learned to appreciate my fellow females. Especially when we are sitting around a campfire or under a pavilion on a rainy afternoon.

My favorite campouts always include an afternoon siesta. Lots of talk time and knitting. Catching up with people to find out what’s been going on in their lives. When you come to a camping event that occurs once to twice a year, that may be the only time to get to see these women and they become good friends. Lifelong friends.

I came back over to the camper after supper last night and caught the sun just before it dipped below the horizon. I thought it was lovely how the light changed to a golden green glow. These are the moments that make me remember why I bought my first camper. I want to do this as long as I am able.

Oh, yes…I love camping with Mr. FixIt. But, there’s just something special about camping with a bunch of gals.

❤️

“O God, to the farthest corners of the planet people will stand in awe, startled and stunned by your signs and wonders. Sunrise brilliance and sunset beauty both take turns singing their songs of joy to you.”
Psalms 65:8 TPT

Too Close to Home

Wed, 08 May 2019 01:30:06 -0600

“How many more children have to die before something is done about this?”

Another school shooting. Seven miles from Columbine. They recently observed the 20th anniversary of the school shooting that seemed to change everything. Copycat killers, looking for moments of notoriety, sprung up everywhere, it seems.

What is causing all this? I have my theories. Personally, I think things started taking a giant slide down a slippery slope when Dr. Spock said don’t spank your kids. I’m not for violence by any means, but my kids got a proper swat on their butts when they were out of line. And they are great adults.

Kids aren’t given outlets for their anger anymore. I was talking with my son-in-law’s mom last night. Her mother was discussing this with her contemporaries in the assisted living center at supper. She said, in her day and age, there were bullies, and kids got in scraps, but you had a row and got it over with. Now, children are handled with kid gloves and they can’t fight back.

They also get left with video games and the internet as their babysitters. You cannot tell me that violent video games don’t have an impact on children today. How can it not? You can’t sit for hours at a time, shooting and maiming “people” in this realistic scenarios and not be desensitized to the violence. It becomes the norm.

This one hit close to home. While not in my daughter’s district, she teaches at a STEM school and my granddaughter is a student at that same school. (Not the one where the shooting occurred yesterday, thank God.) She used to work with many of the teachers at the school where the shooting occurred. The principal is my daughter’s sister-in-law’s best friend.

This is getting too close.

They’re ALL too close!

Something has to be done. Our children go into a war zone every single day. Teachers and school staff, too. This is not the country we were raised in. It’s not the country my children were raised in either. I own guns. But my guns are locked up in a safe. I have a .22 hidden when I am at the farm in case I’m bothered by a two-legged varmint.

I pray. I pray a lot. But, something has to be done. Our children are killing and being killed. Prayers are wonderful…but we need more. I’m not writing this to invite debate. This is not the place for that. There are better places for that…like with our representatives. I’m just crying out as a Nana. A very, very concerned Nana.

As an aside…I arrived at the campground without incident.

I pray for those families. The ones who got the call. And for the families of the shooters. how horrifying.

???

“For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother's righteous.

We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.”

1 John 3:11-12, 14-15 ESV

Listen...

Tue, 07 May 2019 01:30:31 -0600

“Chasing down an annoying little beep”

Do you hear that? That’s what I asked Mr. FixIt when I called him over to my camper. We were busy prepping her for her maiden voyage. (We leave today!) I was moving last minute things from the big camper to the little one. Mr. FixIt had just finished greasing the hubs. I was putting some things in a cabinet when I suddenly heard a faint beeping sound. It sounded like the alarm on a small electronic timer inside a suitcase. Faint…but discernible. I started my search.

I looked in every cabinet. I cocked my head this way and that trying to figure out where it came from. It definitely sounded like it was coming from the driver’s side of the camper…kind of near the refrigerator. I opened the fridge. Nope…not in there. I moved on to the bathroom. I could hear it still, but couldn’t find the source.

I went outside and that’s when I cornered Mr. FixIt.

“There’s a noise.”

“What kind of noise?”

“A beeping noise.”

“Ok. Where’s it coming from?”

“I don’t know! I’ve been looking everywhere and I can’t find it. Listen…do you hear that?”

Just then, a big truck came down the road.

“Nope.”

“Wait…just listen.”

Finally…he heard it, too!

“What the heck IS that?”

We walked all around the camper and determined it sounded like it was coming from the side where the refrigerator is. We went inside and checked the fuse box, the air conditioning, the refrigerator. I even got out the owner’s manual to see if there were some sort of alarm that had something to do with greasing the axles, since that’s the last thing we did before I heard it.

Nothing.

Then it stopped. Ten seconds later, it started again.

“Oh, my gosh! You know me with noises. That will drive me crazy. I have to find it!”

I went back outside and started walking around the camper in ever widening circles and suddenly, I could tell where it was coming from. It wasn’t the camper. It was something in the yard! I walked slowly, thinking maybe someone had dropped off a time bomb near our house. I got closer to the road and suddenly…a light bulb went off over my head.

I walked straight to the trash can and started rummaging around for the bag I had dropped in there earlier and came up with the culprit. The old smoke detector was going off because the trash can was getting hot in the noonday sun! Whew…case solved.

I moved on to the next job and brought some clothes out to the camper. Suddenly I heard Mr. FixIt. It sounded like a sneeze…but not quite. I stuck my head out of the camper and hollered.

“You ok?”

“Sneeze!”

“You sneezed?”

“Sneeze!!!!!”

“Ok, already….you sneezed. Jeez-o-Pete!”

“SNAKE!!!!!!!”

“Holy cats! WHERE????”

“It went under your smoker! Get the hoe.”

I grabbed the hoe…aka snake killer tool in West Virginia.

“What kind was it?”

“I think it was a copperhead!”

Ugh…poisonous.

“Ok…tip up the smoker.”

He did. And this two foot snake started squiggling around. We both jumped and the hoe came down before my brain could register it wasn’t a copperhead. I think it was a rat snake. I hated that I killed it. But, I did. Just like the turtle I ran over in the tall grass in the field later. I hated that, too. I tried to switch propane tank covers from one camper to the other. When I lifted up the cover, a bird flew out right in front of me and I about jumped out of my skin. A Jenny Wren had made a nest on top of the propane tank and there was a baby and a tiny egg in it so I quietly left it alone.

Living in the country is NOT for sissies!

❤️

“I know every bird in the mountains, and the insects in the fields are mine.” Psalm 50:11 NIV

I Saw You There

Mon, 06 May 2019 01:30:15 -0600

“I saw you there…and did nothing.”

I saw you there…sitting on the porch with your head in your hands. You looked like you were feeling pretty rough. “It’s Sunday morning so maybe you partied a little too hearty last night,” I thought to myself. We were picking up the grandkids next door to go to church. It never occurred to me to ask if you’d like to join us. We were running a little late. And…well, you know…you looked a little rough. Maybe you wouldn’t feel up to going.

I heard the news a couple days ago. You OD’d the other night. Heroin. The kids said you weren’t a junky. You were “just a partier”. Now I understand why you looked so rough that Sunday morning.

They showed me your mama’s post on Facebook. It was all in CAPS…like she was screaming. Which…I’m sure she was. And still is…whether we can hear her or not. She posted your picture, lying there in ICU, eyes puffy and blue, lids closed, the ventilator tube the only indicator you aren’t just asleep.

Your mama says you’re not going to wake up. She said your little boy came to see you and asked his mamaw why his Daddy wouldn’t wake up. She said your little girl is too little. She’ll never remember.

They say your party buddies just let you lay there that night. There were warrants out for them and if they called the cops, they’d get arrested themselves. Man…you understand, right? Right? These were your FRIENDS?! They dragged you to the shower and turned the water on for awhile. They said you’d snap out of it…so they just left you there as your brain slowly died from not enough oxygen. Or, maybe it was already dead. Who knows what was really in that crap you put in your body? The dealers cut the heroin with whatever they have handy that looks like heroin. Crushed up pills…baking soda…who knows? The dealer you got it from probably cut it. How many dealers touched it before it got to you? Who knows…who knows…who knows.

Your mama’s going to have to take you off the machines now. She begged you just the night before to leave that stuff alone. It was your 20th birthday. She told you it was going to kill you. She had no idea that less than 24 hours later, she’d get the call. You told her you didn’t shoot up the stuff. You were cool. You’d be fine.

Another mama lost her son.

Another baby lost her daddy.

Another boy will grow up without a man to show him how.

Another wife will be a widow.

sigh

What if? What if I would have rolled down the window and called your name? What if I would have said, “Hey…come with us! Come to church with us. We’ll take you out for a big breakfast after! C’mon…climb in!”

But…I didn’t ask.

Another opportunity missed.

Another man down.

Damn drugs.

I’m sorry…..I should have called your name.

““I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.” 1 Corinthians 6:12 NIV
“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself?…” 1 Corinthians 6:15 NIV

Unbeatable Laughter...Unbearable Tears

Sat, 04 May 2019 01:30:38 -0600

“Chocolate cake pops aren’t the most delectable looking things till they get their pretty candy coating.”

The last couple of days were an incredible jumble of extreme emotions. First, we had an intense discussion about the impact of addiction in this area and on our lives. It was deeply personal and what is said in the room, stays in the room. Suffice it to say, I could not wait to get out and call my daughters and thank them for never going down that particular path. As I left messages for them…(who’s kid ever answers the phone these days?)…I broke down in tears. Because…instead of my kids being addicted…it had been me when they were growing up. I hate that I exposed them to opioid and alcohol abuse and the aftermath it caused. But, what the enemy tried to kill, God has used to our good and His glory.

Later in the evening, Daughter #1 called me back. I adore both of my girls and they couldn’t be more different. My firstborn has always been the strong, dependable kid who turned into a wonderful woman and an excellent mother, but she’s not a terribly demonstrative person. She is a little crusty on the outside but soft in the center but she’d rather chew off her arm than show it. When I answered the phone, I could hear that slightly vulnerable tenderness in her voice that I so seldom get to hear and my heart melted.

She went on to regale me with a story about her evening. It seems HER firstborn informed her earlier in the week that she needed cake pops for a going away party for one of her friends. She needed them yesterday. And…she wanted them shaped like pineapples for some reason. Now, Daughter #1 is highly creative, and an incredible teacher, but she was not particularly crafty or interested in baking when she was young. It’s amazing what we do for our kids, isn’t it?

She looked up how to make cake pops on YouTube and Pinterest. She e-mailed her principal who makes cake pops for stress relief. She found out that…surprise, surprise…cake pops are not baked in molds with sticks in them and then dipped in frosting. Actually, you bake the cake, let it cool, crumble it up very fine, then mix in a little bit of frosting. Just enough to work it together into a ball but not enough to get it wet. I had no idea!

Since my granddaughter asked for chocolate, my daughter baked two layers of chocolate cake. Then she used a small ice cream scoop to make balls of the dough and rolled them into a slightly oblong egg shape to represent little pineapples. Then she stuck sticks in them that had been dipped in the melted candy coating so they would stick. At this point, it struck her what her little creations actually LOOKED like and she had to send me pictures. We laughed til we cried. It was so delightful. I was so proud of her…for everything. Being a good kid and a great mom. For having a sense of humor. For loving me so much, even though I make her crazy half the time and she can’t let me know either way.

Then, yesterday, one of my mom’s cousins texted to tell me another cousin in Illinois passed away on Sunday. That made me sad because I just loved Betty Mae. When she and her family came to West Virginia to visit my grandma, it was an EVENT, I’m telling you. I sent a potted plant with a note and then called my aunt and uncle to make sure they knew.

Remember I told you I made the difficult decision to not go to my niece’s graduation in Indiana? Well, I found out the graduation is outside today…in the rain…in Indiana…in tornado season. They’re giving them ponchos to wear. Oy! That’s not why God prompted me to cancel, though. Mr. FixIt was driving home yesterday and he got the strongest urge to call his best friend. When he did, his friend was crying because his wife had just passed away. His friend is going to need him here and I am so grateful I listened to the whispers of the Holy Spirit telling me not to go!

The camper is almost ready for my big camping trip next week. I installed a new smoke detector yesterday, packed some things in the overhead cabinets over the dinette, added deodorizer to the tanks, and swept the floors. There were a couple of very small holes on the wall where I removed some curtain hardware so I filled them with a little caulking. I tried putting the quilts that I wanted to use on the bed but they are too small for the queen bed. That’s ok…I’ll use the all white quilt I used in big TOW-Wanda and just fold the extra quilts at the bottom of the bed for decoration. The only thing left to do is wash the floors and windows, lay down the rugs, take out the trash, and finish packing. It’s supposed to storm all day today, so I can get in there and play…and maybe we’ll camp in the driveway tonight!

❤️

“So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 8:15 NIV
“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”” Revelation 21:4 NIV

Uncle!

Wed, 01 May 2019 01:30:16 -0600

“When you’re tired and overwhelmed, it’s ok to say Uncle!”

Every day since we got home from the beach has been packed full. Long hours of mowing thick, wet grass. Unpacking. Cleaning. Finally, we had to split the chores yesterday and Mr. FixIt went to the farm to mow while I worked on de-winterizing the camper. First, I filled the freshwater tank and added a little bleach to sanitize it. Then I went in and turned on the pump. It’s supposed to run a little bit, build up pressure, then shut itself off. It didn’t. As I stood in front of the kitchen sink, listening as a pitiful stream of water came from the faucet, I could hear water splashing outside.

I went out and around the camper and there was water coming out of the water heater compartment. I opened it up and saw the plug was an old type and it was rusted through. Not a good sign. I was told the camper had been fully inspected two years ago and everything worked fine. And, while I should have taken the camper to someone to have it inspected again, I trusted mine and Mr. FixIt’s camper knowledge. Besides, it was very difficult to really get in and have a look at the inner workings in the driveway where it was parked. I don’t think the previous owner was trying to scam me. I just don’t think she used the service systems because she only took it out three or four times to sleep over at horse shows.

I knew there was nothing I could do without getting a new plug. I towed the camper to an RV service center and the guy was kind enough to stop what he was doing and put a plug in. Then he proceeded to have a look around the camper and started telling me all the things that were wrong with it and made me feel generally inept and stupid. One thing he pointed out, which I hadn’t noticed was…the tires were seven years old. Even if the tread looks good and there’s no evidence of dry rot, you really shouldn’t run a trailer on tires over five years old.

My next stop was a local tire shop owned by a woman. I’ve talked with her before and I’m so impressed that she built this business from scratch. I got four trailer tires for $65 each, mounted and balanced. Then I drove to a rest area with a dump station to empty and clean the waste tanks. A camper has two waste tanks on it…”grey water” from the sinks and shower and “black water” from the toilet. That wasn’t much of a chore as they had been emptied previously. They just needed a good flushing.

Once I was finished with the tanks, I tried turning the pump on and it still wouldn’t build up pressure and shut off. That means the system isn’t sealed and there’s a leak somewhere. I didn’t see water anywhere and there was nothing dripping. By this point, I was tired, hungry, and pretty darned frustrated. I kept telling myself I’d bought a piece of junk camper and I was pretty low by the time I got home.

Mr. FixIt called. I poured out all my fears and frustrations and he asked me to tell him one thing at a time. He said they were all fairly small things and relatively easy to fix. At the most, I may need a new hot water heater, a water pump, and new propane regulator. He said I didn’t buy a piece of junk, but it is twelve years old. There are bound to be some things that will need fixing.

I got home and walked in the door. There is still a toilet, a sink, and half a shower stall in my living room. I suddenly felt defeated and sat down to think it through. When I made arrangements to attend my niece’s graduation in Indiana, I didn’t realized how tight I had planned these three trips. Four days between the first and second trip and only one day between the second and third. It took us three full days just to mow both properties. How was I possibly going to pull this off?

I prayed about it for a while and talked with Mr. FixIt again and two of my trusted friends and they all said…set some priorities…get some rest…it’s ok to say no. I hated the idea of cancelling the Indiana trip. I hate missing my niece’s graduation and getting to see her family. And, I hate disappointing anyone. But, you know what? I’m not thirty-five anymore. I’m not fifty-five anymore. I’m nearly sixty-six and while, in many ways that is still young, I have to admit to myself I can’t do it all. I get tired easier. I get overwhelmed easier. I’ve noticed this since losing Mr. Virgo.

So, I wrote a long note and sent it to my niece and her mom. I explained why we couldn’t come and while they will miss us, they understand. I immediately felt a weight lift off my shoulders and I cried with relief. It’s ok to cry “Uncle!” I turned on the air conditioning, crawled under a blanket, and rested…for the first time in weeks, it seems.

❤️

““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”” Matthew 11:28-30 NIV

I Choose Joy!

Tue, 30 Apr 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“I’m choosing joy by choosing to remember the special moments we spent at the seashore last week.”

Even though Pastor Justin’s message Sunday morning was about choosing joy, I just had one of my “bad nights”. Yesterday’s post indicated I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I did. Re-entry from vacation was part of it. Being overly tired was another. And, after being gone a week, there was a lot of catching up to do and we just heard one bad thing after another all day. It just hit me hard. Combine that with eating a greasy burger too late in the evening and I was up half the night.

I tried all my go-to remedies and nothing seemed to help. I was up pacing the floor. I tried snuggling with Mr. FixIt and that helped, but I was too hot. Finally, I took a Benadryl because I had been out mowing all afternoon and my head was throbbing. I settled into the guest room, opened the window to let the cool night air in, and read my Bible till I got drowsy. When I finally slept, it was sound and deep and restful…just what I asked God for in my nightly prayers. He is a good Father…His lullaby is perfect.

I hit the ground running yesterday and went for the MRI of my foot. I’ve had several MRI’s in my lifetime. I couldn’t believe it took a whole hour! It was an open MRI and, of course, the only thing in it was my foot. But the noises were the same. The technician turned up the music really loud and I listened to the country station for an hour. The only hard part was boredom thinking of all the things I could have been doing. Laying still on my back for an hour on a hard table wasn’t too much fun. I just used the time to have a conversation with God.

I needed to have fasting blood drawn from an appointment a couple of weeks ago and I kept forgetting to go in so I did that. Then I stopped at the mall and bought yet another dress for the wedding. I can’t seem to make up my mind but this one I really liked and it was 50% off. I can wear it to my niece’s college graduation this weekend and see how I like it. I even found some cute little sandals that were also half price. I’m not buying any more dresses!

My last stop was Walmart for new sheets for the camper. I’m not one for keeping a lot of old sheets around. I buy two pair and rotate them till they’re worn out. I’ll bet I could count on two hands how many sets of sheets I’ve had in my life. Funny thing…they are exactly the same pattern as the sheets I bought for the big camper five years ago. I would have used those, but they were full size and the new camper ya s a queen bed. I also picked up a couple of throw rugs and a new shower curtain. Everything else will get moved from the old camper to the new one.

Before we leave, I need to treat the fresh water tank with a mild bleach solution and run it through the pipes. Then I need to put some Dawn dish soap, Calgon Water Softener, more water, and a bag of ice in the black tank and take the camper for a drive to let it all slosh around in the tank and dislodge anything gunking up the works. I will drive up to a rest area up north and empty the tanks and get them all ready for Thursday. Once I get back home, I’ll make the beds and wipe down the surfaces. I’ll wipe out the fridge and the cabinets and wash the floors. Once the bathroom is cleaned, I can put down the new rugs. I’ll pack it up and we’ll be ready to go!

So…today I choose joy. Even in the busy rush of life and travel preparation. Just breathe. Just breathe.

❤️

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” Psalm 94:19 NIV

Goodbye...For Now

Sat, 27 Apr 2019 01:30:17 -0600

“Best Friends”

Goodbyes are so hard…especially since losing Mr. Virgo. My world perspective has forever changed and grief has colored every thought since that fateful day. I am so aware of how tenuous life is and how strong the bonds between us and those we hold most dear.

Today we have to say so long to our dearest family/friends as they head back home to Colorado and we head back home to the Ponderosa. We have had such a delightful week. The weather seriously couldn’t have been more perfect. Our first morning here dawned sunny and gorgeous and remained the same the entire week until a band of severe thunder storms came through last evening. It rained hard into the night and brought cooler temperatures but today is supposed to be sunny with a high around 70 so it will be perfect traveling weather.

While grief and death are not in the forefront of my thoughts anymore, there are certain things that have changed because of my loss. Now, when I see a scene, I see it through the eyes of a widow and know the scenes I wish I had pictures of. As we watched the sunset in a quiet cove along the sound in the Cape Hatteras National Seashore the other night, I looked back. I noticed Ben & Sue turn to take in the last of the golden light as the sun dipped below the horizon over the glassy surface of the water. I smiled as Sue reached for Ben’s hand and I reached for my cell phone to snap this picture. I added the location and date and sent it to her.

We do not know when our time will come, but we do know statistically that women outlive their husbands. When Mr. Virgo died, I really had fewer photos of him than I thought. I wanted to make sure Ben & Sue had all the special events of the week recorded for posterity.

As we drove down to the beach last weekend, I kept thinking…”It’ll be over in an instant and we’ll be driving back home.” And, here we are. But…oh, my. We made some beautiful memories together this week and I will cherish this time together for the rest of my life.

❤️

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” Psalm 133:1 NIV

Service, Sunshine, and Seafood

Mon, 22 Apr 2019 01:30:32 -0600

“Low Country Shrimp and Grits”

We enjoyed our Easter service at the United Methodist Church across the road from our timeshare. We attended the contemporary services and the music was very nice. The sermon was thought provoking. And it was fun to go to a Southern church and see folks in their Easter dresses. The children enjoyed a demonstration up front with the Pastor before the services began. The church itself was lovely with floor to ceiling windows overlooking the Curratuck Sound.

Afterwards, we drove around and found a restaurant that was open and had a seafood extravaganza and ate till they had to roll us home. I had the Low Country Shrimp and Grits. Yummmmmm. We came back to the condo and some napped while others walked or made phone calls. We were all still too full to eat dinner but we did finally polish off the apple pie we started Saturday night.

It was a lovely, lazy, family day sharing stories and photos. Today, we are tourists!

❤️

“The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.””
Mark 6:30-31 NIV

Easter Sunday

Sun, 21 Apr 2019 01:30:31 -0600

“The sunset over the Curratuck Sound:

I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older…or maybe it’s gaining a deeper connection to God…but Easter this year seems to have a much, much deeper meaning for me than ever before. I have a close church family relationship…probably for the first time in my life. And I have Mr. FixIt and my bonus family to go to church with. Whatever the reason, this Easter is completely different…personal.

We arrived at the beach yesterday afternoon and did our obligatory stop at the grocery store. We weren’t at the condo more than half an hour when my son-in-law’s parents arrived. Oh, my…I love them dearly and was SO excited to see them. Ben & Sue are the salt of the earth. Good, hardworking people with great character and a terrific sense of humor. I’ve known them now since 1993 or so. I’ll tell you what…my daughter won the lottery when it comes to her husband and in-laws!

Sue and I never really talked about faith much till the last couple of years and it has been wonderful to share that part of myself with her. We have a lot of wonderful discussions and I am so happy to have them here with us this week.

We found a church right across the street that has an 11:00 service today so we won’t miss Easter.

May you all have a blessed Easter! And for my Jewish family and friends…Happy Passover!

❤️

“He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ”” Luke 24:6-7 NIV

Good Friday

Fri, 19 Apr 2019 01:30:21 -0600

“My grandma’s pretty posies…I love to visit them.”

I ran to the farm yesterday to pick up my laundry I left hanging to dry. I took a quick walkabout to see Grandma’s posies. She loved them so much and I always feel so close to her when I see them.

Grandma loved Easter time. Her flowers were beautiful and she almost always had all of her family together to go to church. I feel terrible that I won’t be attending church with the kids this weekend, but there is a church right across the road from the condo so we will still get to go to an Easter service.

The bags are packed. Going to the time share is much like camping…we take extra linens and pots and pans because the one’s there are somewhat lacking in substance. We also bring some dry goods with us because groceries down there are so expensive. So, the truck will be packed first thing in the morning and we’ll hit the road no later than 9:00.

Small group last night was wonderful. I talked to the girls about Passover and the rituals around the Seder meal. I brought some traditional foods for them to taste. They weren’t crazy about the gefilte fish!

Kathy spoke about Easter. She told how Jesus washed the feet of the Disciples. Then, she prepared a basin and pitcher of warm water and washed all of our feet. It was a humbling experience. When she was done, I stepped forward and invited her to sit so that I could wash hers. I followed her example and told her the beautiful attributes Jesus sees when He looks at her. I thanked her for being such a shining example of a humble servant for all of us to see. And I told her how much I dearly love her.

What a wonderful way to start out our week!

❤️

“It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean. When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.” John 13:1-17 NIV

A Good Tired

Wed, 17 Apr 2019 01:30:15 -0600

“Spring flowers make my heart sing!”

Now that the taxes are done, submitted, and accepted, our attention can turn to other things….mainly, mowing. With the rains we received over the weekend, the grass growth was remarkable and it couldn’t be put off another day. We had a neighbor brush hog the far field last fall when we were preparing for the wedding. That field is really rough and needs to be mowed really regularly or we’ll have to resort to the brush hog again. I got about half the field mowed at the Ponderosa then we had to head for the farm. Mr. FixIt mowed while I hauled dropped limbs and did laundry. It was 7:30 by the time we were done and ready to head back home.

This is the kind of tired that feels good. When you do a good solid day’s work and you have something to show for it. When your muscles are sore and you’re hungry and you know you’re going to sleep soundly…that’s a good day’s work. We still have much to do to prepare for our trip but once we are there…it’s beach time, baby. I can’t wait to see Ben & Sue…my son-in-law’s parents. They are joining us for the week and it’s going to be SO much fun. They are the dearest people and we can’t wait to show them all around the Outer Banks!

I do have a favor of you. I have an appointment with the orthopedist today for this pain I have in my foot. I think it’s a Morton’s Neuroma and if so, I will likely need a shot in the ball of my foot, which…as you can well imagine…I am not looking forward to. I am preparing myself with lots of prayers and meditation. Please add me to your prayer list that everything goes smoothly, the pain is little to nonexistent, and that whatever they do, it takes care of the pain and I can get back to exercising regularly! Thank you in advance!!!

I’ll let you know how it went!

❤️

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.””
Jeremiah 29:11-14 NIV

Evidence of Healing

Tue, 16 Apr 2019 01:30:00 -0600

“A memory from a time long ago and far away…”

I know April is a hectic time of year what with my daughter’s birthday and taxes being due. I was also quite busy this spring writing and editing my book. And, our annual trip to the Outer Banks is this weekend so my mind was preoccupied. As I sat down at the computer yesterday to write my post, I was confronted with one of those Facebook memories complete with scads of photos….of Mr. Virgo’s and my Honeymoon.

I couldn’t believe it. It was on the 7th and it never once crossed my mind. I remember one year I almost forgot. It was probably four years after his death and I felt so terribly guilty because I nearly went the whole day without thinking about it. This time, it was a whole week PAST the anniversary and I may not have remembered at all if I hadn’t seen the photos. But, I didn’t feel guilty. I actually felt somewhat relieved.

There was a point in my grief when I thought I never would feel even somewhat normal again. I didn’t believe I would ever feel joy or freedom and certainly not romantic love again. Yet, here I am. On the other side. I’ve no doubt I still have my moments. NOT remembering seems monumental in some way.

Not focusing on or remembering an important anniversary doesn’t mean I have forgotten Mr. Virgo…or anything about him. It just means time has passed and I am healing. I’ve moved….forward. I wish I could have had some serious reassurance four or five years ago that so much healing could occur in what is a relatively short time in grief years.

This time fourteen years ago, we were driving up the west coast on Highway 1. I wanted to stand on the beach with my husband. Fourteen years later, I’m packing to leave for a trip to the east coast so that I can stand on the beach with my husband.

Ironic.

The whole thing makes me smile. It makes my heart soften. It makes me ever so grateful to have known…and to now know…such great love.

❤️

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.” Song of Songs 1:2 NIV

Hummers!

Mon, 15 Apr 2019 01:30:16 -0600

“The hummingbirds are back!”

They’re baaaaaaack! I was stretched out in TOW-Wanda, relishing my very satisfying afternoon nap, when I turned over and gazed out this great big, beautiful front window at the stunning pink flowers on the shrub nearby. That’s when I saw her…a lovely iridescent hummingbird, hovering around the heady floral aroma…getting some much needed nourishment from her migration. My heart leapt for joy! I do so love this time of year…the day I get the taxes done for another year!

This time…I promise…THIS time I will keep my records straight. I will make sure enough is withheld for taxes. I will NOT put it off till the very last minute! I promise!

Yesterday was a coffee day for the girls from my class and it was such a beautiful day. So many of them couldn’t come for one reason or another and we missed them. Mr. FixIt came and met me at the local library and we sat down to get our taxes done. It went pretty fast because I had most everything completed the day before. We just tidied up loose ends and ended up filing jointly. It saved us some money.

When I finally hit “send” and the returns went flying through the wires on their way to the IRS, I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. I turned to Mr. FixIt and said, “Steak! Give me steak! And a baked potato! And broccoli!!! He grinned ear to ear. He was just as glad to have the taxes over so he could get his wife back instead of Godzilla!

We hit traffic coming through town. It was the Easter Parade! I haven’t been to one of those in decades. I rolled the window down and heard the high school marching band going by. I could see them through a parking lot as I sat in traffic. Children rushing for thrown candy. Balloons being carried through the crowds. And finally…the Easter Bunny. It made me realize…since my littles are either too far away, or too big, or too little for the Easter Bunny, I hadn’t even given the furry guy much thought, even with all the store displays. Today after church, we are taking our great granddaughter to the mall to see the furry guy himself. Then I can give the baby her book…Baby’s First Book of Bible Stories. We bought it for her Baby Dedication and forgot to bring it with us. And, we won’t be here for Easter…we’ll be at the beach. There is a church right across the street from out condo so we can still go to services.

The steak was fabulous. Then we went to the park to walk. I couldn’t walk more than half a mile with this painful foot. I have an appointment Wednesday with the Orthopedist to determine what’s going on. I think it’s a Morton’s Neuroma. Let’s lay odds if I’m right or not.

We got home and I fell asleep in the camper…I really LOVE having a window open right above my head! Beautiful, beautiful day!

❤️

“I know every bird in the mountains...” Psalm 50:11 NIV

Darkness into Light

Sun, 14 Apr 2019 01:30:27 -0600

“Looking back, I am humbled by my deliverance.”

The stress of doing taxes this week made me sit back and reflect how differently I cope now as opposed to twenty years ago. Back then, I felt like that guy on Ted Mack’s Amateur Hour. You know the one…he twirled plates on top of sticks. First one, then two, then five…and eventually, he had about twelve of them spinning. He ran from one stick to another, desperately trying to keep all the plates spinning without crashing to the ground.

I did a great job spinning plates till…I didn’t. I burned out. I hit the wall. There were lots of reasons why, but the bottom line was…I didn’t have good coping skills. I had an alcoholic father. I seriously should have known not to push the drinking thing. But, more and more, I relied on alcohol to prop me up.

I had situational anxiety. Going to a party? I’d have a drink in the bathroom while I put on my makeup and called on “Ginny the Party Girl” to step forward…emboldened by a beer. Going to the game with the hospital administrator and his wife? Drink LOTS of beers. Hosting a dinner party for the medical staff? Wine…more wine! It got worse and worse.

When my marriage started to fall apart, I was terrified. I had no idea how to cope because I worshiped at the altar of my husband. I only had a cursory relationship with God and I didn’t know Jesus at all. I was relying entirely on someone fairly unreliable….myself. When thing became difficult between me and my husband, I started drinking about an hour before he was due home so I could get through the evening. Many times I just got too wasted to cook so I went to bed, leaving my family to fend for themselves.

At the very end of our marriage, I found myself standing in a closet in the dark, drinking really expensive tequila straight from the bottle. I knew…KNEW in that moment that I was in dire straits. Unfortunately, when you are in that place, it’s really, really hard to pull yourself out of it without some help. I was just functional enough to fool people into thinking I still had it together…but I did not.

Our last Thanksgiving, my best friend’s husband caught me sneaking into their kitchen during dinner and drinking shots of tequila. I fell asleep on their couch while all the guests were at the table having dessert. I was desperately ill, but I was also an embarrassment. My husband didn’t know what to do with me. When I overdosed a couple of months later, I made the decision for him and I went away to get the help I needed.

Now, as a Christian, I know that God uses all things for my good and for HIS glory. Last week in church, I said my usual prayer…”Lord, if you have a message just for me, please deliver it through Pastor Justin.” And, in his message, God sent this…

“God will use your experiences for your good. He will use them for His glory. Your experiences are your story and your story has power. It has the power to change people. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and share your testimony.”

I smiled.

God himself told me in that moment that, no matter how bad I got…no matter how messy my life was…no matter how dysfunctional I had been…He had saved me. HE came for ME! He left the 99 and came for the ONE. And when He found me, He carried me on His shoulders back to the flocks and announced to all…”Look, I’ve found my lost sheep! Come! Help me celebrate!”

I know God has great things in store for me. I anticipate the unexpected, just like Christine Caine preaches in her book, Unexpected: Leave Fear Behind, Move Forward in Faith, Embrace the Adventure. Yes, sometimes the unexpected is bad. But, sometimes it is amazing. I could never in a million years have imagined back when I was in the throes of torment…where I’d be today. I am so incredibly grateful that Jesus never gave up on me. He pursued me relentlessly because He had a plan. He knew what I was capable of. I am so humbled by His Love. Through Him, I can turn a dark and painful time into a testimony of the Goodness of God

On this…Palm Sunday…remember the triumphal return of Jesus to Jerusalem is also the beginning of Holy Week. It is the true beginning of the end of His earthly walk. May you all be blessed and humbled in the coming week.

❤️

““What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.”
Matthew 18:12-14 NIV

Always be Humble and Kind

Sat, 13 Apr 2019 01:30:37 -0600

“I love when God sends me a not-so-gentle reminder to chill out!”

As I’m writing this, I’m propped up in bed, the windows flung wide, the peepers peeping their springtime love song. It is 10:30pm…I just finished a long and particularly grueling day sitting in front of my computer, doing my taxes. One frustration after another…but I doggedly pressed on with only a couple of short tempered outbursts. Finally…finally I got it all filled out and pressed “send” only to find out, yet again, my laptop won’t connect to the internet. I mean…it SAYS it’s connected, but I get a page that says “Cannot find page. Check your internet connection.” It works elsewhere, just not here. So, I said enough is enough for one day and I will pick it up tomorrow….today to you.

In preparation for a day that could be stress-filled, I spent an extra long time in scripture before I got out of bed. I read my devotionals. I listened to a little praise music. I put on the full armor of God. And still, after twelve hours in front of the screen, I found my stress level rising. Poor Mr. FixIt steered clear of me most of the day and when he did have to sit with me, he was very loving and supportive. Good man.

When I finally called it quits for the day, I was too tired to even go out to TOW-Wanda to write…something I really look forward to when the weather is warm. I came into the bedroom to write, fully prepared to let loose a diatribe about how darned frustrating it is to spend a whole day on the taxes only to find out you have to pay a BOATLOAD. I climbed into bed, set up my little lap desk, opened my iPad, and God smacked me right between the eyes.

There, staring back at me was a picture of a woman squatting down in front of an absolutely emaciated young child…so tiny and frail and nothing but skin and bones. She’s holding a water bottle up to the child’s lips….the little one with her head tipped back, gratefully taking a sip as she clings to a crust of bread in her tiny hand.

I am humbled…ashamed of my anger and frustration that I felt only seconds before.

Look what I have. A roof over my head, food on my table, clean water and air, a warm bed to sleep in, health, family…God.

Yes, paying a big tax bill was not what I expected. But you know what? Just two weeks ago, God gave me a hefty settlement check for the accident I was in two years ago. I had a brain bleed, but can walk and talk. I lost four months of my memory, but my family didn’t have to lay me in the ground. And that check will cover my taxes and then some.

There is always something to be grateful for. ALWAYS.

Thank you, God…for your provision. And for the stern reminder of how good I have it. You are a good, good Father.

❤️

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2 NIV

Memory Recall

Thu, 11 Apr 2019 01:30:10 -0600

“Photos of childhood memories can bridge the miles between you and your children.”

Sometimes it’s hard to reach my kids, both literally and figuratively. They have busy lives. Jobs, families, houses…they don’t have a lot of time to visit with their mom. I get that. I was in their shoes. So, instead of whining about it and pulling more than a nominal guilt trip, I have taken to sending them pictures of things I find on Pinterest. Not just any old thing. Things that will stir a memory of their childhoods and make them smile whether they have time to talk or not.

One such photo was this one. It is identical to the kitchen we lived in when she was little and her daddy was in medical school. She remembered the sink, she said. But I know, if she remembered the sink, she thought of all the times I canned our food and baked our bread. She might have thought of the times we set up the tent in the backyard so she could have a sleepover. I’m sure she thought of the slumber party I let her have in the Vanagon camper with the pop top. We were still finding peanut M&M’s months later. Maybe she thought of the Christmas Eve Blizzard when we spent the day pushing people out of the ditch in front of the house. Or the time she rode her bike on the church parking lot down the street and almost put her eye out on a tree branch.

I miss being close to my kids. Maybe by this time, if I hadn’t have found Mr. FixIt, I might have been back there…or at least spend more time in Colorado. But, just as my girls have lives…so do I. I just have to make the most of the time I do have with them when I am there.

I spent yesterday at the farm again. I made great progress on the paperwork I’m doing. Tomorrow I can wrap it up and we can do our taxes and be done with it. I promise myself every year that I wont procrastinate next year…and here we are. Down to the wire yet again. Maybe next year!

❤️

“But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.” 1 Corinthians 14:40 NIV

Bad Night - Great Day

Wed, 10 Apr 2019 01:30:54 -0600

“Resist the devil and he will flee.”

I remember back in the first two to three years of my grief, I often had what I referred to as “bad nights”. Nights were especially difficult from the beginning. Too many hours stretched ahead with too much time to think…especially since I had such a hard time sleeping. It didn’t take much to send my mind chasing rabbits and soon a thought would have me in a tailspin. I spent SO many nights alternating between gripping the mattress and throwing up. All. Night. Long. It was brutal.

Thankfully, that finally evened out. Partially from time and healing, but mostly because I got a grip on my anxiety once I learned it’s source. Some may call it a trick of the mind, but I have been much more successful in not only controlling my anxiety, but sending it packing altogether. Prayer and petition to God to come in and bring me comfort helps tremendously. One thing has really helped me and the old me would have rolled my eyes with a “Right…sure…ok.”

That one thing is banishing Satan. The enemy comes to rob, steal, and destroy. He is the force behind the thoughts “You can’t handle anything.” “You will always have anxiety.” “I’ll make sure you are miserable all the days of your life…this will never get better.” When I feel anxiety creeping in, I talk out loud now. I just tell the old goat to get the heck away from me because I don’t believe his stinking lies.

The second thing I do is listen to praise music. I have discovered if I’m having anxiety and I start playing praise music and singing along, the anxiety dissipates. I cannot be anxious and upset while praising Jesus.

And…I’m human. Sometimes I forget to do those things and I get caught with my guard down. That’s what happened on Monday when we drove by my dad’s house and saw it had been torn down. I immediately felt sick and I let things spiral. I felt horrible and out of control. I could hardly eat a thing and that night, after writing my post, I tried eating a bowl of cereal and immediately got sick.

I did excuse myself to the guest bedroom so as not to interrupt Mr. FixIt’s sleep. I took something to settle my stomach and I read the Bible and listened to praise music. And I asked God to send his angels to wrap their wings around me and keep me safe. I immediately fell into a deep sleep and awoke refreshed and feeling much better.

I knew I needed to spend some time at the farm, though. The Farm is my touchstone. I drove out and sorted through my papers to prepare the taxes. I drank coffee and walked around the yard looking at Grandma’s posies. Once the paperwork was sorted, I took a little snooze in Grandma’s bed and finally headed back to The Ponderosa.

Mr. FixIt did yard work all day. The field looked like a well manicured golf course. He wanted to show me some things so we walked the entire five acres, hand-in-hand, marveling at the spring beauty. We inched through a rose bramble to look for arrowheads on the creek-bank. We moved an old fallen tree. We found violets in the grass and looked for frogs in the ditch along the road.

Last night, just before bed, we went out back in our robes and slippers and held hands while we counted stars. The “bad night” of the night before wasn’t even in my memory. It had been banished with a stern warning…spoken aloud…”Get away from me Satan…you have no dominion over me!” He isn’t as powerful as he would like you to think he is. He can’t read our thoughts so we must speak aloud to him.

Every time I get closer to Jesus…every time I raise my hand in church and further commit my heart to Christ…the enemy swings hard. He does this for the precise reason…he knows I’m a threat. He knows who lives in my heart…who is my true north. And he hates that. That’s ok. I can do hard things. I can have a “bad night” if it means I get so much greatness on the other side.

❤️

“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7 NIV

TOW-Wanda III: Day 1 - Cleanup

Sun, 07 Apr 2019 01:30:52 -0600

“The first thing that had to go was the bunk bed over the main bed.”

The first thing I did yesterday…after coffee, of course…was head out to the new camper. I could hardly sleep the night before, I was so excited. I didn’t realize how very much I missed my first camper till I got a load of this one! I hooked it up to electric and checked out the systems again. The air conditioning worked fine. I cleaned the filter screen in the AC unit so it works more efficiently. The fan, lights, and microwave. I haven’t checked the refrigerator yet.

Mr. FixIt was kind enough to bring a ladder and some RV cleaning products out to the camper for me as well as a hose and scrub brush. I started scrubbing with an RV wash/wax combo and followed up with a Norwex cleaning cloth and Norwex cleaning paste to get the black streaks off. I rinsed it well and checked inside…NO LEAKS! Yesssss! No leaks is a good thing…especially with a 2007 camper. This thing is built exceedingly well.

The camper is a Cikira Classic Cruiser 18FB…which roughly translates to an 18 foot camper with a front bed. From what I can find, Cikira RV wasn’t around for very long, but I don’t think that was because they lacked a quality product. If this camper is any indication, the quality is excellent. The RV industry isn’t easy to break into. But more importantly, look at the date of my camper. The economy in 2007 was booming and people were traveling a lot. Then 2008 came and the bottom fell out of the market. No one was spending money on anything extra. I know…that’s when I had to close my needlework shop. Hobbies like camping and needlework are the first to go when it comes to extraneous expenses.

Once I had the outside walls scrubbed down, I opened the awning and gave it a good wash. I left it open to dry in our beautiful 72 degree weather and closed it up before dusk so it wouldn’t gather the dew. Then it was time to head indoors. The first thing that had to go was the bunk bed overtop the main bed. The previous owners had a 10 year old daughter who loved the bunk above, but it was too confining to lay underneath it and I knew I would hit my head every time is sat down. The bunk was secured with sturdy angle iron and the plywood base was screwed securely to it. I removed the twin size memory foam mattress and Mr. FixIt helped me carry it down to the storage room. We can use it for an extra if we have overflow company.

The front piece of the bunk bed was a long piece of heavy angle iron attached to a decorative wood front. I removed that piece but left the other three pieces of angle iron connected to the three walls above the windows. This way, if we ever need the bunk bed again, we can pop it back in easily enough. Taking that bunk out opened up the entire bed area and made it much more comfortable, roomy, and light. By this time I was fried so I gave in and snuggled up on my new bed and took a nap.

So, our blessings continue. Our great granddaughter is being dedicated to Jesus in church this morning! My heart is so happy!

❤️

“And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.”
Mark 10:16 NIV

What a CRAZY Week!

Sat, 06 Apr 2019 01:30:47 -0600

“The perfect little camper!”

When I started out this week, I never dreamed I’d be the owner of SIX campers by the weekend!!! What??? Yes, that’s right…S-I-X campers! Ok, when Mr. FixIt and I started dating, he had two campers (a hybrid and a 27 foot Jayco) and I had one (a 30’ Starcraft). Then, by fall I bought our fourth camper…a 1967 Franklin I named “Joy”. She is still out at the farm and I need to get her over to the Ponderosa so I can work on her some more.

I picked up the little camper yesterday and I’m telling you…she’s a little cream puff. She is immaculate inside with a Sealy memory foam mattress. (Color me happy!) Mr. FixIt went with me to check her out carefully and he agreed I got a good deal on a great little camper. Hooking her up was easy peasy. We stopped at the first gas station and checked the air pressure. This is especially important every single time you tow. Remember the blowout I had coming home from Blackwater Falls a few years ago? It was caused by undetected low tire pressure. I learned a valuable and expensive lesson that day. All four tires were low. This happens when a camper sits for a while. We pumped them all up and headed for home.

The second test would be to see how well Frieda pulled this camper. I was sure she would do well, but this is an 18’ camper. I’ve seen different weights. An online spec sheet says 3740 and the tag on the trailer says 4200. There are some steep hills on the drive home so I watched carefully. Frieda towed that trailer like a boss and the transmission temp didn’t get up over 197 degrees which is perfect. When we got home, I felt the hubs and they were barely warm to the touch so that is wonderful.

I pulled the camper around to the side of the house where the water connector is. The exterior surface is fairly dirty and dull. I wanted to see how it would clean up. I used my Norwex cloth and cleaning paste on a two-foot square section and it looked brand new when I was done. When it started getting dark, I went in the camper and stretched out on the yummy mattress. It’s wonderful! I opened the rock guard from the front window and it is exactly like my first camper…a Sportsmen Classic by K-Z RV.

I loved my first camper and I’ve got to tell you…I love this one more. If my first camper would have had a dinette with a separate bed, I never would have gotten rid of it. This one has exactly what I’ve always wanted and I’m thrilled!

Now, a friend has a 30’ camper that she is giving me and we are going Monday to bring her home….making SIX campers. Mr. FixIt has one for sale now and TOW-Wanda Grande will be on the market as soon as I get her emptied and cleaned up.

“Hi, my name is Ginny…and I have a camper addiction.”

This was absolutely, without a doubt, a prayer answered. This camper is more economical, practical, safer to tow….Thank You, God!

Oh, an update on the bathroom. We managed to go another day without killing each other. However, we did end up having to cut a big chunk out of the drywall to get the bottom piece of the shower stall inserted. AND…there was yet ANOTHER trip to Lowes. Mr. FixIt’s measuring is impeccable. I am not kidding…that opening isn’t 1/16th of an inch bigger than the shower base. I am in the presence of engineering greatness…seriously!

❤️

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”
Proverbs 16:9 NIV

Renovations

Thu, 04 Apr 2019 01:30:42 -0600

“There’s something about vintage kitchens that speaks to my heart.”

I came across this picture on Pinterest the other day. I don’t…CAN’T…spend as much time on Pinterest as I would like to. I have too many irons in the fire right now and I know what a black hole Pinterest is. It’s a candy store for creatives and I get SO lost. I pop in there every day because I get notifications. Almost always, there’s something on my landing page that I might pin if it’s an idea I’m working on, thinking maybe there WILL be a time when I can be a bit more leisurely. I look at my notifications, then I’m out of there…1-2 minutes, tops.

The reason this particular picture grabbed my attention was a memory. Hubby #2 and I moved into our first house a couple of blocks from the medical school and this cabinet, and one just like it on the opposite wall, was in our kitchen. It formed a walkway into the breakfast nook where you sat in front of a big picture window.

The view out the window was unremarkable, but that kitchen was one of the coolest in any house I’ve ever lived in. It was big and roomy with tons of storage space. It had a window over the kitchen sink which is always a must have for me. To this day, I cannot remember if the countertops were red or green…but I definitely remember that vintage style. It spoke to me…even as a young woman.

You don’t find vintage kitchens like this much anymore. We are a throw away society with a newer is better attitude. The young wives of the ‘80s wanted new and better and hopefully not avocado green or harvest gold or that hideous brown copper toned color. No offense…if that’s what you have or what you love, but it was an affront to my sensibilities then and it remains so today. There is NOTHING nostalgic about that for me.

Speaking of renovations, we are still in the throes of redoing master bath at the Ponderosa. I have never been married to a man that could fix or build anything. Seriously, if anything got built or renovated or decorated, it was my doing. I’m the one with the power tools. Well, I was. They all were stolen when someone broke into my storage unit and broke my heart. Mr. FixIt knows how to do everything. He didn’t get his name for nuthin’.

Here’s the thing. When I fixed up my mom’s house to put it on the market, I did the entire house myself except for installing the kitchen cabinets, connecting the gas for the new range, and updating the electrical service to the house. I tore the kitchen out to the walls and did it all…set the sink, installed a garbage disposal, new GFI outlets, plumbing, laminate flooring, under cabinet lighting, tiled the backsplash and entryway, coped the baseboards and quarter-round molding. I also refinished the hardwood floors, switched out all the ceiling light fixtures, put in a new doorbell and doors and storm doors, painted the entire inside, changed out the bathroom fixtures, tore the entire floor out and installed a subfloor, underpayment and linoleum, new baseboards and quarter round, a new toilet, took out the old medicine cabinet and installed a new mirror and lights and tiled the backsplash.

In other words…I know my way around a renovation project.

The thing is…I probably didn’t know enough to be intimidated. I just did it. And if I didn’t know how to do something or what tool I needed to do it with, I just consulted the knowledgeable staff at Lowes or read one of my helpful how-to books. I wasn’t picky. If it looked good, that was my bottom line. I thought it turned out great. Anyone who saw it thought it turned out great. And…I did the whole thing in about 4 months…by myself, for the most part.

Then I married “The Man With The Engineer’s Brain”.

Have you ever asked a man with an engineer’s brain to do something? They will do it. Perfectly. Absolutely perfectly. They will spend an inordinate amount of time drawing up plans…perhaps even doing so on a CAD program on the computer than costs more than the budget of small countries. They will print out the plans and study them and make notes. Then they will go back in and edit said plans. Then…once they are satisfied with the design, they will start the shopping process. The frugal engineer will have his/her supplies mapped out and listed by store according to price. This you will buy here. That you will buy there. All in good time.

Finally, the work begins. There will be measuring sessions. That will last a totally unpredictable amount of time. More notes will be taken and perhaps the CAD plans will be altered and reprinted. The flooring alone took several weeks. In a bathroom half the size of a good walk-in closet. Then there came the drywall. The patching. The sanding. The next coat of patching material. The second sanding. The third coat of patching material and the necessary sanding. Then came the painting. First the ceiling. Two coats. Then the walls. At least two coats.

I came in to see how it was going after the second coat of paint dried and Mr. FixIt was sanding…again.

“What on earth are you doing???”

“I didn’t like the way that looked. I don’t like satin paint. You can never get it to look good. I’m fixing this spot.”

“Cool. I’m going back out to the camper write now. Love you!”

Now we are at the point where we are installing the shower. He measured and calculated and remeasured and recalculated many times and finally…finally…we went to buy the fiberglass shower stall on Monday. That thing weighed a ton. We had to take it apart in order to get it in the house. Once inside, we took the protective coverings off and it was not only scratched, but it had several cracks in the fiberglass surface. So, we had to cart it back outside, put it all back together, and take it back to the store to exchange it. Once home, we had to take it apart again to get it in the house. Thank GOD it didn’t have any cracks because I just might have said a few choice words.

I could have had this bathroom done in two…three weeks tops. But I can guarantee you, it would not look nearly as perfect as the bathroom Mr. FixIt is building. I’m more of an instant gratification kind of gal so this has been a real learning opportunity for me in patience and appreciation. It’s coming along though. It’s definitely coming along.

❤️

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”
Romans 12:12 NIV

Cue the Eye Roll

Wed, 03 Apr 2019 01:30:40 -0600

“The eye roll…reserved for those moments when a whop over the head with a frying pan might be overkill.”

I posted a request on four different Facebook pages on Monday. Here…I’ll just cut and paste it so you can see what I’m talking about.

“Ok…I have a 30’ camper. The reason I went big was because I traveled FT and lived in it for most of three years. My original truck was an F-150 V6 EcoBoost with a 3.73 rear axle ratio. It would pull that camper up the passes of Colorado like nobody’s business. Two years ago, my truck was totaled in an accident. The replacement truck was identical in every way save for a 3.31 rear axle ratio. In my defense, I had a head injury and wasn’t thinking straight when I bought it. Needless to say, pulling on the flat is ok, but the mountain passes were crazy. I couldn’t get up to 20mph and had to stop several times to let the transmission cool down. I am now in a position to buy a new truck. Here is my dilemma. Finding an F-150 with a rear axle ratio of 3.73 is turning out to be like looking for a needle in a haystack. I have several options. I have settled down in WV and remarried and I don’t need such a big camper. I can downsize the camper. Then I don’t need as powerful a truck. Or, I can get out of my lane and buy a different truck. I really have to watch my mpg because this is my primary vehicle. Thanks in advance for your input…I appreciate it!”

Pretty innocent. I posted it on two women-only camping pages, a family camping page, and a page that seems to be largely frequented by men that deals with RV Tips & Hints. I sat back and watched the comments flow and suddenly I was struck by a huge difference between the gals’ answers and the guys’. The gals were informative and supportive and respectful. The guys? Well, you could just almost SEE them spitting and scratching places that shouldn’t be scratched in public.

There was a lot of jockeying for position between the men. Lots of “right on, bro” kinda stuff. One of the responses that had me in stitches was from a guy I’ll call Bob. Bob started out nice enough. He pointed out asking a question like this to 1,000 people would give me 1,000 different opinions. He wasn’t far off. His advice was to weigh my options…(Ummmmm, I think that’s what I’m asking y’all for, Bob…), seek my own council…(Wait a minute? Are you telling me to stop asking the question, Bob? I’m confused…), and evaluate what I think my needs might be in five years (Thank you for having faith that I’ll still be camping like this in five years, Bob. You’re a peach!). This is where Bob kind of went off the rails on me when he added…”and, what your new wife enjoys.”

Wait…did Bob just suggest what I THINK he suggested?

See…our good friend Bob here assumed that if I am towing a 30’ camper across the country by myself, I must be a Lesbian. Or maybe he didn’t pay attention to who wrote the post and assumed I was a man who had just gotten married. Because, you know, a WOMAN wouldn’t/couldn’t/shouldn’t tow a 30’ camper…by herself…all over the country…for three years. I wrote back and said, “You must be talking about my husband, Bob. ? See…I’m the gal. I’m the one who towed the 30’ camper back and forth across the country for three years. I’m uber handy that way. ?”

(Cue the eye roll. ?)

Bob, Bob, Bob…girls can do things without gender or sexual orientation being a part of it. Girls can tow campers…BIG campers. They can back them up into teeny tiny little spaces, too. Girls can do just about anything guys can do. I went into a car dealership yesterday and test drove a truck. The sales person was a woman named Megan. Megan had been on the job for eight months. I asked if she loved her job, she gleefully said “Yes! But oh….the guys hate it! They don’t like having a woman in their space all the time.” I gave her a high five.

Show ‘em what you’re made of, Megan!

❤️

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” Proverbs 14:1 NIV