Downsizing on Marshmallow Ranch

Learn to Dance in the Rain

Mon, 07 Apr 2025 01:30:00 -0600

”Learn to Dance in the Rain” - AI by Ginny McKinney with Meta AI

Darlings…what a weekend! It has rained about 4.5” since Friday. The ground is so wet that when you walk across the yard, it’s like a bog. Squish…Squish…Squish. There is so much water in the pool, it’s pouring out the overflow. The creeks are roaring. But there’s no water coming into the basement. Ever since we started putting the root killer down the storm drain, it hasn’t overflowed. It came close Saturday night, but we put the crystals in and within twenty-four hours the water level was down two inches. We just have to be vigilant and use it regularly.

The water in the drain is not the only thing going down. I made the awful mistake of looking at my retirement fund last night. Here’s a helpful tip…DO NOT DO THAT! At first my heart sank. Knowing it is likely to fall more today is disconcerting. As hard as that is to take, I know God has always taken care of us and we are more precious than the birds in the fields. I know it’s hard not to worry, it really is. But last night, I just sat with God and told Him I put my life in His hands twenty-one years ago. I’m not backing out when the going gets tough.

Like most people, we are looking at more ways to cut our expenses. I think satellite is out. We’ll soon have fiber optic internet here. Once that is installed, we can drop the DSL line and stream what we can get online. I’ve cut out extra spending. We only buy what is necessary these days. I know we are taking this trip to the beach, but it’s already paid for as is my flight to Colorado this summer.

It is a good thing we don’t eat much meat anymore. We are going to make some raised beds for greens to add to our diet. I bake all of our bread. We don’t eat much dairy but I do keep powdered milk and canned evaporated milk in the pantry. I grew up making do with what we had. Yes…I have been terribly “advantaged” in my adult life. But, I’ve been studying and practicing homesteading and survival skills for a very long time.

We are heading into lean times, I’m afraid. And I’m not telling you all of this to worry you or scare you. I look at paring down to the bare essentials as more like a game to see how little we need to get by.

Happiness is most often mind over matter.

If you don’t mind…it don’t matter.

Do what you can with what you have.

Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.

Start small.

Slow and steady wins the race.

Pray about it. Pray over it. Pray through it.

And remember…the pendulum always swings back.

🩵🌷🙏🏼🌷🩵

““Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭19‬-‭21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Gratitude Journal 
Today I am grateful for my humble upbringing with a grandma who taught me how to make do. I am grateful that I have a Heavenly Father who wants us to prosper and who will take care of us.

UFOs and a Transistor Radio

Sun, 07 Apr 2024 01:30:00 -0600

I’ve seen them. As a matter of fact, I have several of them. No, not the shiny cylindrical variety that you see on some alien SyFi shows. These are stitching projects… ‘unfinished objects.’ After yesterday’s post, my friend Sharon mused that she had projects somewhere and maybe she should go looking for them. That tugged as a memory way back in my mind. I remembered tucking one beautiful project away when I closed my little needlework shop.

I ruminated a bit and wondered where it might be. Is it tucked away in the basement in a tub of mementos? Or, is it stuck in the back bedroom that is packed with boxes of stuff that’s no longer needed…just waiting to head to a resale shop. I chose the latter, simply because it was easier access. I want to start cleaning out that room to move my studio upstairs. I really don’t like hunkering down in the basement to create. There’s no natural light down there. This room upstairs will work much better.

As I sorted through stuff, I came to a box and down in the bottom, I could see a familiar cloth tote that I used to use to carry a particular sampler I’d been working on. I dug it out of the box and peeking inside, there were several unfinished objects…AND my favorite wooden stitching frame! I was so excited! Now I can finish a couple of knitting projects then make a cross-stitch project my summer goal.

In the process of searching, I came across some treasures. My old transistor radio brought a smile to my face. Oh, the nights I lay in bed with that thing tucked under my pillow, listening to Petula Clark and The Beach Boys, The Beatles and the The Rolling Stones. I wondered if if it still worked. I rummaged around in the junk drawer in the kitchen. Everyone has one of those, right? I found the battery, popped it in, and sure enough…it worked! It brought back such warm memories.

Here’s a video of my radio picking up a local country station. Can you imagine listening to this quality of sound and thinking it was the greatest thing since sliced bread??? WE did! I sent this to my grandchildren and they got a big kick out of it.

I decided if I bring out two or three bags or boxes every day, I can get through that mess eventually without having to work at it to the exclusion of everything else. I’ve had a lovely winter where I kept busy and got a lot done while still enjoying our home and my Big Red Chair. Now it’s mowing season and things will start cranking up, but I still need to have projects to keep my hands busy and that relax my mind.

Thank you all for your great suggestions and referrals to find needlework supplies. You all are always so helpful and I appreciate you!

🌷

”Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.“
James 1:17 NIV

Use It Up!

Sun, 31 Dec 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I worked for days getting everything just so. The house was festive and tidy. It smelled of roast pork, chili, and cinnamon rolls, and everything came out together and perfectly. Our first to guests arrived precisely at 1:00 as scheduled. The Former Mrs. FixIt and the daughter she so generously shares with me were dressed in their holiday finest. We knew our son and his family would not be coming because of Covid, so we sat and talked and nibbled on fudge and cookies while I put the finishing touches on the meal. I made the frosting for the cinnamon rolls, then we took our drinks to the living room and chatted.

After nearly an hour, we started wondering where everyone was. We couldn’t reach our grandson and his girlfriend, but we reached our granddaughter and she had totally forgotten today was the party. They quickly got ready and came on out. We had to make it quick because our granddaughter had to work last night. We enjoyed the good food and had fun exchanging gifts. And before we knew it, they were off and on their way home. TFMF and daughter stayed on and we had so much fun chatting and nibbling through the afternoon. Then, when it was clear the sun would be setting soon, they too went home…loaded down with lots of food and goodies and gifts.

We make plans and God laughs and laughs. We have no real control when it comes to the schedules or attendance of others. Our grandson’s girlfriend texted us later in the evening and apologized profusely. They had to take the kids back to their mom’s and they laid down “for just a minute” and three hours later, they awoke to my text. Our grandson doesn’t have to head back to work till sometime next week so we will get together with them for dinner at their house in the next couple of days.

I was so organized this year. By the time I had the food ready to serve, all the cooking utensils were washed and put away. I felt so calm and in control because there was no last minute rushing around. It was all so easy and laid back and that added to the joy.

And, here we are at the end of another year and it’s just so hard to believe how quickly the time goes. Our little great granddaughter hugged me when she got there and said, “Hey, Gigi! I’m SIX!!!” What??? You were just a newborn. She reminds me how long I’ve been a part of this family. The first time I met the Former Mrs. FixIt, this little great-grand was a newborn.

Getting a head start on Christmas 2024…knitted Gingerbread Boys ornaments!

Looking back over the past year, I am pleased with where I am today. I’m more fit, healthy, weigh less…all of which has improved my mental health. I can’t remember the last time I had an anxiety reaction. I sleep better, I’m happier, and overall, I think I’m a better person than I was heading into the year.

We have a fresh new year in front of us. Some of how it turns out is beyond our control, but we can still affect our environments…inner and outer. Maintaining good relationships, leaving more than we take, spreading love and kindness, being good stewards of what we have been given all help us live a happier and healthier life.

I always choose a word to focus on for the new year. My word for 2023 was CHANGE and boy, howdy…I pulled that one off in spades! I’ve been thinking about my focus word for the coming year and rather than choose just one, I’ve chosen a phrase…

USE IT UP!!!

I have SO much stuff here at the house. This year I am going to use my stash before I buy one more thing. I’m going to dive into my art and use up some of my supplies. I want to look around at what we have and find ways of repurposing and sending it out to others to bring beauty into the world. I want to use up every minute of every day in a way that both gives and brings joy.

Lastly, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for hanging out with me here this past year. I might have quit this blog a long time ago if it wasn’t for you’re love and support along the way. My prayers are with you all for a wonderful, happy, and healthy 2024.

⌛️

”The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.“
Proverbs 16:9 ESV

Spinning my Wheels Again

Tue, 06 Jun 2023 01:30:00 -0600

Grilled Portobello Mushroom Sandwich

This was one of those days where I had a clear goal in mind, but in order to achieve it there were several things that needed doing first. The biggest tie up was chatting with Verizon. Since our internet service is so dicey out here, I depend on the cell service to access the internet a lot of the time. They told me there are notes on our area and they are “working on the problem” but they couldn’t give a time line or explain exactly what the problem is. “But rest assured, we are working on it.” Right. I’ve lived here for five years. It used to be better before the pandemic. Then it just got crappy and it hasn’t improved a bit.

They asked me to update my phone…she would be happy to wait on the line. Just tell her when it’s finished. I laughed. “Ok. But, you do know this is why I’m contacting you, right? Sometimes an update can take four or five hours.” “Oh.” Yeah…oh. I dutifully set the update to download and it only took 45 minutes! Awesome! She was long gone by that time, of course. But she said just to resume the chat and someone would pick up.

Sure enough…Alex came onboard. He wondered if I would make a phone call to see if the update made a difference. I complied. It did not. The reception still cut in and out. He asked me to hold which I happily did as I was also working on the computer. He finally came back and told me he was sending a special kind of order that signaled they couldn’t help me through troubleshooting and “someone will be calling soon.” I’m not holding my breath, Alex…but your sure were kind about the whole thing.

One of my long time Colorado besties contacted me last week and asked if I was still doing punch needle embroidery. I sold some supplies for it in my needlework shop a million years ago, and Barbara got into it big time. She got me excited about it in 2015. I, in my true Gemini fashion, went out and bought ALL the things. Needles, threads, fabric, frames…the works. And…it is still in the bag I brought them home in. I’ve moved twice since then! I have good intentions, y’all. I really do. But there are SO many things!

Barbara’s beautiful punch needle embroidery. The piece on the left is mounted on wood from a leaf of her grandmother’s dining room table that was beyond repair. Her brother cut the shape for her.

I informed Barbara I still had all the things and they were pristine since I hadn’t done a thing with them. It turns out, these needles are harder and harder to find and she has daughters-in-love that want to learn so she offered to buy them from me. Yes!!! Now they can go to someone who will used them and I won’t feel so guilty that I’ve wasted money on something that’s just sitting in the back room. Win-Win!!!

Between Verizon and my friend Barbara, I spent hours on the phone and didn’t make much headway with the trip planning. Mr. FixIt popped his head in the office to tell me he was running to town to get gas for the mower. I asked if I could come along because I needed a break. The day was beautiful. It didn’t get hot, so when we got home, I decided to grill our supper. I had two large portobello mushrooms and stopped for corn and a tomato on our way home. I grilled the mushrooms with a marinade made of butter, lemon infused olive oil, bread dipping spice blend, and Tabitha Brown’s Sunshine Seasoning. Oh, it tasted SO good!!! I did eat it in a sandwich which was the first bread I’ve had in weeks. I was really looking forward to it, but the bread tasted awful to me. Bland and gummy. I don’t miss it one bit. The corn is getting better and better as the year progresses.

Today is another appointment in town and you know what that means…it’ll turn into an all day ordeal. At least the weather is supposed to be comfortable. I think we’ll go shopping and get Mr. FixIt something nice for the wedding. I’m picturing a nice sports coat in a light tan color with a white shirt and his grey dress pants. He cleans up good!

“But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.”
1 Corinthians 14:40 NIV

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I created these boots with Little and Daughter #2 in mind. They are cheerful and something fun to brighten up the dreariest of days!

Opening a Can of Worms

Wed, 08 Mar 2023 02:30:00 -0600

We had a busy day yesterday doing this and that. We finally got to the place where we could post the three campers and the van we’re selling. Oh. My. Word. I had NO idea what was going to happen when those things hit the Marketplace! Our phones immediately started lighting up and were still going at it four hours later when I sat down to write this. In hindsight, it might have been prudent to only put one item on Marketplace at a time, but I’m not one to do much of anything halfway!

So…in a quick five hours, we sold the old van, the hybrid camper, and my ‘67 Franklin! Wowza…we were really hopping! Now we only have the a-frame to sell then we’ll have a much lighter load around here. It’s going to look really weird to have all that stuff gone out there in the old driveway!

I’m going great guns on The Project. At some point, I’m going to need to stop and say it’s done. But I still have a few days to tweak it a little here and there. As I sit here and write, I realize how tired I am. I’ve done little else than sit with my laptop on my lap desk in the Big Red Chair since before Christmas. And here it is…almost time to mow! I’m looking forward to next week when I take off for a few days camping with my girlfriends.

I’m thinking I may have the Grand Reveal on March 20th. I’m not at all sure if there is WiFi at the campground where I’ll be staying, and I don’t want to be out of touch the first week in case I need to put out any fires. So, I’ll get it all put together before I leave then I can get away for some serious R&R for a long weekend with the girls. Then, we’ll be ready to celebrate when I get back! How’s that sound?

In the few short but frantic hours since I listed the items on FB Marketplace, I’ve met a few of the sweetest folks. A fellow that was here last year to buy something came back and bought the old van. Then a lovely fellow came to buy the hybrid camper to use at church camp this summer. And finally, a young couple are coming tomorrow to buy the vintage camper. They’ll fix it up and rent it out with others they have on Air B&B.

While I appreciate getting some money out of things that were just sitting here, I love meeting the people who will be giving them new life. That does my heart good!

“Whoever has a bountiful eye will be blessed, for he shares his bread with the poor.”
Proverbs 22:9 ESV

We May Need That Someday!

Mon, 06 Mar 2023 02:30:00 -0600

I’ve heard it said that. You never need any of the crap you hang onto…until the week after you get rid of it. And isn’t that the truth? It’s happened time and again. And tools. You buy them, you put them in the building/shed/basement along with all the other stuff only to learn you cannot find it when you need it so you buy another…and another…and another! It makes me crazy!

A dear friend of mine is selling a house and they’re getting down to the wire and it needs the last of the stuff cleared out. Her husband and my husband are cut from the same bolt of cloth. I’ve always greatly admired him and when I decided to start dating after Mr. Virgo died, I was determined to find someone with the same quality of character…honorable, honest, and devoted, with a strong work ethic. I found that in Mr. FixIt. I didn’t really think about the fact that my new husband would have any….unfavorable characteristics. Like hoarding. Not in the likes of those poor unfortunates on the television show. No…hoarding like “I can’t throw this piece of wood away because I may need it someday but then when I DO eventually need it, I won’t be able to find it so I’ll buy more wood!” Yeah…like that.

After decluttering forty year’s worth of stuff when I sold the house in Colorado, I was certain I would NEVER have to deal with that again. Ahhhhhh…what do they say? Never say never?

*sigh*

Anyway, I digress. My dear friend’s husband had a stash of wood he was getting rid of and this meme made me laugh. I had to send it to him, of course. And to Mr. FixIt. We all know those folks who can’t get rid of stuff. My late friend Sparky got after me when I was promoting the joys of downsizing. She pointed out to me that she left an abusive marriage with nothing much more than the kids and the clothes she could pack in the car. Everything she had, she worked hard to get and she was proud of that fact. She was frugal and didn’t spend carelessly so she cherished everything she had. I had never thought of it that way and I was glad she called me on it.

My mom was like that. She loved her stuff. She could find anything in the house, but by golly, it was HERS and there was no one going to take that away from her. She kept shoeboxes full of ballpoint pens that didn’t write. Cartons of cleaned baby food jars with lids. Drawers of disposables from fast food restaurants…plastic cutlery, napkins, salt and pepper packets, ketchup/mustard/horsey sauce, straws, the little plastic cups with lids that salad dressing and cole slaw came in. And who was left to clean all that up when she was gone? Moi. Me, myself, and I. I did it for her…I did it for Mr. Virgo…and if our plans come to fruition and we downsize and move…we’ll be forced to do it again.

I know my husband doesn’t want to get rid of his stuff. He tells a story of his mom having the boys come and haul off some of his dad’s “junk” when he wasn’t there and I think that really stuck with him. He’s worked hard all his life…since he was about seven years old and his dad put him and his brother to work in the theater they owned. He deserves to have his stuff around. However…we really do need to get a handle on it. When we downsize and move to town, it’s not going to happen on its own.

I was going to go to Marietta and hear Fran Lebowitz speak at the People’s Bank Theater for the Esbenshade Series yesterday. But as the day wore on, and I started seeing light at the end of the tunnel on this project, I elected to stay and work as Mr. FixIt was heading to the bowling alley. I get so much more work done when the house is quiet. I’m really happy with the way this is turning out and I hope it goes over well.

“But all things should be done decently and in order.”
1 Corinthians 14:40 ESV

Making Memories Every Day

Mon, 10 May 2021 01:30:00 -0600

Heaven

Mr. FixIt and I both have full calendars this week. I’m over at the farm, continuing to clear things out and make it presentable for an open house on the 12th and he’s at the Ponderosa, getting the family room ready for the new carpet that’s being installed on Friday. He’s also preparing to put in an electric line from the building to the deck so we can hang our strings of market lights on the pergola.

Rhododendron

I have all the old blankets bagged up to take to the Humane Society for the doggos. They’ll love having comfy, clean bedding while they’re waiting for their furever homes. All the things that are being thrown away from the “Girl’s Room” upstairs have been bagged and piled on the back porch, waiting for another load to go to either the Ponderosa or the dump. Most of the items from the “Boy’s Room” have been staged to either pack or bag up as trash. Then, the only thing I have left to do is vacuum and the upstairs is finished.

Screendoor

Next on the list is the basement. Oy! That’s something I’m not looking forward to because it is an absolute mess down there. So much has already been hauled out, but there’s still WAY too much down there. Not all of it is mine, of course...but I’ll get it as organized as I can and throw obvious trash away.

Farmhouse

I swore when I was finished downsizing at my house I would never do this again. Not only am I doing it for the farm...we also have to do it at the Ponderosa. Once we have the farm taken care of, there won’t be that mowing hanging over our heads once or even twice a week. That’s going to free up a bunch of time for us.

Grandma

My Mother’s Day was lovely. Everyone either called or texted their greetings. It was a dreary, rainy day so I was just as happy spending it indoors finishing up the last week of this project. Saturday, however, was STELLAR! The sky was an amazing blue with big puffy white clouds. I walked around and snapped some photos with the freshly mown grass. Grandma’s rhododendron are popping out a little more every day. I’m going to take some of the flowers over to the Ponderosa with me. I remember when Grandma brought some of them up from Aunt Myrt’s house and planted them on the hillside. She LOVED her posies. And now I’ll love them. I can propagate them and share with the cousins later.

Turkey/Chicken

I knitted for a while in the afternoon. The pattern for this shawl is such a booger to follow. I count the stitches after every row and I cannot tell you how many rows I’ve ripped out because they aren’t coming out right. Grrrrr. My friend Gail told me to use stitch markers, but I haven’t had time to go to town to get some. I know I could use safety pins, but I have packed those. So, I’m doing the best I can while still enjoying the process.

Mush

Today’s agenda? The taxes. Finally!

“And thus you shall greet him: ‘Peace be to you, and peace be to your house, and peace be to all that you have.”
1 Samuel 25:6 ESV

“Because I’m Happy....” or The Gift from Beyond

Wed, 05 May 2021 01:30:00 -0600

I’m very careful about what I take from the farm. I know what is mine. I also know there are some things no one would mind me taking...little things that don’t mean anything to anyone else but me. Anything bigger or more significant, I ask if it’s ok. For instance, I asked to have my grandparents’ bed. I was going to keep the dresser...I may still...but it definitely needs some work. I asked for the big round mirror in the living room. It used to hang on the other end of the wall, but the TV was taller than the mirror and it didn’t serve its purpose anymore. Grandma always brushed her hair out by that mirror. I have countless photos with that mirror in the background. I also asked for a small chair side table that my uncle made years ago. Well, technically Mr. FixIt asked me to ask my uncle if we could have it.

I remember when my own mother died. I was living in Colorado and was here for a week for the funeral. I had to begin making arrangements for my brother’s living situation. The last evening before I went back to Colorado for a couple of weeks, I was heading to town from the farm. As I left the house, my aunt said she would go in and clean out mom’s house for me while I was gone. I assured her she didn’t need to do that, but she was quite insistent. We went back and forth over it for a while and, rather than argue, I stopped at the hardware store, bought new locks for the doors and installed them before I left town.

I dropped a letter in the mail the day I flew home, explaining I needed to go through things and while I certainly appreciated the gift of her time, it was something only I could do. It was part of my grieving process. She was so incredibly angry...and hurt, I imagine. But, I knew she would not take no for an answer. It had to be this way. Because of that experience, I’ve been very careful here not to step on toes. While I have an emotional attachment to many things in this house, so do the rest of the family and they own the farm...not me. They’ve been very generous with me. And I’ve been so blessed to have the time here these last few years. That is a gift in and of itself.

I was cataloging some of the items that I wanted to remember before I brought them back to the farm yesterday afternoon. There was one thing I really wasn’t sure if I should just go ahead and keep or not. It was a travel golf putter that had a telescoping handle. I have no idea why my aunt had it, but I think Mr. FixIt is the only golfer in the family. I was showing it to him and he said he’d never seen anything like it.

“I’d love to keep it, but I think Aunt Peeps would be really mad if I did.” I said.

She died a year ago.

Now, this is one of those things that are just too eerie to ignore and since I have a witness, you’ll just have to believe me that it really happened. As soon as I said Aunt Peeps would be mad, my Alexa device started playing “Happy” by Pharrell Williams...all on its own. Mr. FixIt and I looked at each other...mouth gaped open and eyes wide. I squealed and started dancing around the living room....laughing. My aunt was no nonsense...you didn’t sit around and cry in your beer. You just got HAPPY!

Ok, ok...I’ll keep it. Thanks, Aunt Peepsie!

(You can watch the Official Music Video for Happy...HERE!)

“Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold.”
Proverbs 3:13-14 ESV

A Face with No Name

Sat, 01 May 2021 01:30:00 -0600

When I was rummaging around in the box with my late uncle’s flag, I found this photo at the bottom of the box. I don’t recall ever having seen this picture hanging in Grandma’s house. The frame is long gone...broken along the way somewhere with no money to replace it. When I looked at the photo in person, I didn’t notice a name written anywhere. But, now that I look at the snapshot I took of it, there may be some faint writing along the bottom of the woman’s white dress shirt. I’ll have to take a closer look when I go back to the farm on Sunday and maybe my uncle will recognize her.

I brought another truckload of stuff home yesterday. The boxes were so heavy and cumbersome and by the time I loaded and unloaded, I hit the wall and ended up sleeping for a couple of hours. This health issue has knocked down my typical go get ‘em stamina down a peg or two. I hope to build that back because there is much to be done around here and finishing up at the farm.

As I was bringing the last of the tubs for this load down from the upstairs bedroom, I noticed a huge scrapbook tucked behind an old mirror leaning against the wall. It was in a white plastic trash bag. I pulled it out and my aunt had stuck a note to it with my mother’s name. I put it in the truck with the rest of the stuff and looked at it when I got home.

When I was cleaning out mom’s house after she died, there were countless scrapbooks with newspaper clippings that caught her fancy glued into them. Articles from the local newspaper about people she knew or happenings in the valley that were interesting to her. She loved to cut out patterns or stories from magazines. It was certainly a treasure trove of stuff that interested her. I looked carefully and the only thing that was familiar to me was an announcement for my first in-law’s 25th wedding anniversary celebration. That I’ll cut out and sent to Hubby #1. I’m sure he’ll enjoy that. It’s a shame to toss something like this scrapbook, but if I hold onto everything anybody I’ve ever known has owned or loved, there won’t be any room in this house for US. Things have to go. Much of what I’m bringing home from the farm will go. I just need to take the time to go through it and I didn’t do it out there. Now I’m out of time.

When I finished packing up the truck, I went to check the mail. As I walked down the driveway, I noticed a white car pull up to the big sign announcing the impending auction. It was the neighbor from down the road. Jean used to walk with my aunt several days a week when Grandma was still living. She told me it just broke her heart to see the farm leaving the family. We sat there along the roadside for a good half hour...reminiscing and sharing stories. She loved my family and, like many who watch their contemporaries pass before them, she expressed her loneliness. I try to call her every time I’m at the farm. Now I’m going to set a reminder in my phone since I won’t be going out there after the farm changes hands.

My uncle is coming to the farm on Sunday with one of his granddaughters and her family to get another load from the barn. I’ll be there to help and we’ll go through the house to figure out what to do with the furniture that’s left over. It’s not worth much but maybe someone can get some use out of it. My cousin will come next Wednesday to get some more of my aunt’s things. It won’t be long and everything will be gone. I’ll sweep it all out...and that will be that.

On a brighter note, I received the extra yarn I ordered for the shawl I’m knitting and I’m making great progress. Mr. FixIt kept the home fires burning while I was gone and he started cleaning out the pool last evening to prepare for summer. Time marches on.

Today is May 1st! Happy May Day!!!

“Ask rain from the Lord in the season of the spring rain, from the Lord who makes the storm clouds, and he will give them showers of rain, to everyone the vegetation in the field.”
Zechariah 10:1 ESV

Day 189: “I’m Makin’ Waffles!”

Wed, 23 Sep 2020 01:30:00 -0600

In April 2001, a brand new movie came out that kids everywhere loved. Shrek was a green skinned troll with questionable social skills who paired up with a delightful donkey named...Donkey. They lived in the swamp and met up with Princess Fiona...a girl troll. It was fun and funny. Daughter #2 and I watched it a lot! She was eleven years old at the time...one of our fondest memories.

Donkey wants a sleepover and he declares he’s getting up the next morning and making waffles!!! Ahhhhh....waffles. That was a very special treat at our house reserved for the occasional Saturday morning. We had a rather large waffle iron and the batter invariably stuck to the plates of the iron no matter how much you oiled them. But when they did come out well, they were decadent. The butter pooled in the little wells of the waffle, soon to fight for its place when the syrup was poured on.

I had a nice waffle iron at one point. And it may be one of the things I saved to use in TOW-Wanda when I traveled. But I haven’t see it in ages so I started looking for one. People must not be making waffles like they used to because I couldn’t find a regular waffle iron anywhere. I did find a few Belgian varieties, but that’s not what I wanted.

I’ve been in every store in town over the last few weeks just popping my head into the kitchen department and they were either out of stock or never carried them. I know God loves for us to come to him with even the most mundane requests so I asked Him to direct me to a waffle iron. And not just any old iron either. I wanted the big square one that made four smaller square waffles. And, wouldn’t it be wonderful if it was multipurpose like these new ones are now? Where you can open it up, lay it flat and turned the metal plates over to the smooth side to use as a griddle? That, please.

Every time I go to town, I check someplace else. Then yesterday, I was driving down the main drag of town when I just “felt” that waffle iron was nearby. I looked to my right and there was Goodwill. Masked up and phone in hand, I wandered in. I looked up and down the aisles and was not finding any kitchen items. Then, I got the nudge. “Look there!” And there she was! Exactly what I wanted. It even has the accompanying booklets to go with it!

I took my treasure to the front to pay and the clerk asked if I qualified for the “Senior Discount”. Part of me wanted to bristle up in indignation. The other part say, heck yeah...bring it on!

“That’ll be $2.89, please.”

Are you kidding me??? I was nearly giddy with the experience!

So that’s the story of the $2.89 waffle maker.

Guess what WE had for supper?

“I’m makin’ WAFFLES!”

❤️

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:19 ESV

Day 188: Decision Time

Tue, 22 Sep 2020 01:30:00 -0600

I have vacillated back and forth whether to sell Big TOW-Wanda or not and finally decided to go for it. It’s time. She’s just too big to tow with this truck and we are far less likely to up and take off camping with this big trailer. I’ve had her for six years. She has been with me almost since the beginning of this journey. She sheltered me from the winter winds when I lived on that bluff overlooking the Ohio River. She’s been all over the country. But it’s time to let her go to someone who can use her more and a joy the heck out of her. I had to wait till I was ready to let her go...and the time has come. Time to move on.

I spent a good part of the day emptying her out. It is absolutely unbelievable how much junk you cram into a camper and pay for the gas to haul it around. I don’t need and didn’t use half of what was in there. I am trying to be ruthless in purging the contents. Some will go to the camping kids. Some I’ll keep. And some was just plain trash. It feels really good to be leaning out a space in my life. Now there’s room for something else...a smaller camper that’s easier to pull so we can have grand adventures.

I think the tipping point came when I started making plans for our second anniversary trip. We go every spring to our time share on the Outer Banks, but Covid knocked that out. We were fortunate they offered us a substitute week anytime in October, because our anniversary is October 13th. I like to take our time driving down, stay overnight, then arrive at checkout refreshed and ready to spend the afternoon and evening on the beach.

We aren’t excited about staying in a hotel this year so we’ll be driving straight through. If we had a smaller camper, we could find a campground between here and there...or even a good Walmart or Cracker Barrel parking lot and sleep in our own bed and have our own kitchen and bathroom. That right there told me it was time to let TOW-Wanda go. I’m praying the perfect person comes to buy it and pays a good price so we can go out and buy what I hope will be our last camper.

By 3:00 in the afternoon, I was ready to run to town for errands. When we were done, we picked up carry out and sat along the river to eat. As I watched the sun setting over the water between Blennerhassett and Belpre, I mused how fitting it was that I’d be there the day I decided to let the camper go. This is the river I watched cover over with ice in February of 2015. This is the river that comforted me as I mourned the loss of Mr. Virgo. I was not lost on me the incredible blessings I had sitting beside me in that pickup truck as we quietly munched our sandwiches and contemplated the stark beauty of the Ohio River at sunset.

My sweetheart mentioned he would like to have some salsa from our tomatoes to take to the beach with us. He and I have VERY different tastes in salsa. He likes his with pineapple and no heat. I like mine hot enough to make your nose run but not so hot that your eyes water and you can’t taste anything for a couple of hours. I tease him and say his isn’t salsa...it’s tomato-pineapple jam. He teases and says he can clean the corrosion off the battery posts with mine. We aren’t far off either way. So, pineapple for his...jalapeños for mine. I also bought a poblano pepper because they were beautiful. I won’t have enough tomatoes...I’ll have to go buy some.

I slept in the camper last night...getting in my last days of camping for the year and preparing to say goodbye to my faithful companion. Girl campers get pretty serious about their relationships with their campers! I am so blessed to have such an understanding hubby that supports me in whatever I want to do. Such a good guy!

❤️

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”
James 1:5-8 NIV

Day 123: Comfortable Seating...Coming Up

Sun, 19 Jul 2020 01:30:00 -0600

If you’ve been following me any length of time, you know I went through a huge downsizing after Mr. Virgo died. And I swore I would never accumulate another dang thing...SWORE. Yet, here I am, happily remarried. And the stash is growing. In my defense, there was a lot of stuff when I got here. And, in all actuality, we haven’t purchased a heck of a lot since we got married. But since Mr. FixIt’s strokes, we have noticed his arthritis is bugging him a lot more because he can’t take the medications you typically take. Yesterday, we decided to go take one more stab at finding a comfortable chair for him.

We went Friday to just about every place in town and didn’t like anything. This time, we hit pay-dirt. Belpre Furniture had dozens of recliners to choose from. I’ve gotten to the point I bypass the “bargains”. Bottom of the line merchandise ends up costing you in the end because it wears out or breaks before too long and you have to replace it. I’m also past the point of buying the best there is. I’d rather buy mid-range and get the best quality I can.

We ended up with matching La-z-Boys in “claret”...a deep wine red that will look nice with the blue/grey sofas we already have. When I had my home in Colorado, I had Ralph Lauren ladies’ wingback recliners. Perhaps not the most comfortable, but they were so stylish and the living room looked so “put together”. Now? Heck...I am all about comfort. I really do not like how these overstuffed recliners and sofas look. But I also do not care because if I’m going to sit down for any length of time with my sweetheart, I’d better be able to get up without frowning and having to walk, wincing till my joints get the cricks out of them. I also hope getting a new, more supportive chair will help my hubby feel better, too.

The part of me that went through that downsizing is groaning. But the part of me that likes a little more “cush for the tush” is a happy little camper. Oh, another downside of Covid...it will take ninety days to get them. I told him there was absolutely no hurry. So, here we are...two new pieces of furniture. What’s next? End tables? An area rug? Will this madness ever end? lol

❤️

“By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.”
Proverbs 24:3-4 NIV

Crazy Weather in West Virginia

Tue, 17 Dec 2019 02:30:00 -0600

“What started out as snow ended up as boatloads of rain.”

We woke up yesterday to a coating of white. It’s only the second time this year we’ve even had a hint of snow and it really didn’t amount to much. As a matter of fact, by the time 8:00 rolled around, it was pushing 40℉ and starting to rain. Then it rained...and rained...and RAINED! An inch had fallen by early evening and we were expecting another inch overnight.

When we have days and days of slow drizzly rains, it doesn’t seem like much of a problem until it pours. Then there’s no place for the water to go and it just sits in pools on the ground and runs off into the nearby creeks and rivers causing what is called areal flooding. Low lying areas are particularly prone to this kind of flooding. By 4:00 there had already been a couple of water rescues. People don’t seem to realize how deadly driving into standing water can be.

We were happy to be at home yesterday and not have to be out and about in that mess. I took advantage of the time and started doing some serious cleanup of my email inbox. I have outlook set up to receive email from several addresses and it’s been a few years since I made any serious attempt to clean it out. I have a habit of scrolling through emails on my phone and not deleting them as I go. So, I sat at the desk in our office for eight hours straight...deleting emails.

36,000 of them!

And that’s not all...there’s another 30,000 to go!

It’s much like cleaning out my mom’s house after she died. It would have been much faster to order a dumpster and just haul everything out at once and be done with it. But, there was no rhyme or reason to that house. There were precious family photos mixed in with junk mail in black plastic garbage bags. Her wedding band was in the basement in a box of jars and her engagement ring was in a shoebox filled with sewing notions and ballpoint pens that didn’t work.

I had to sort through everything bit by bit. Which is kind of what I’m doing with the inbox. Outlook has a great tool where you can “sweep” the inbox. Let’s say you regularly get emails from Sam’s Club. There’s nothing in those emails you really need after you’ve seen them so at the touch of a button, you can “sweep” all the emails from one address out into the trash. That makes it a lit quicker.

I also unsubscribed from at least a hundred sources which will cut down on the amount of email that comes in daily. This had just gotten out of hand and short of deleting the whole thing, I will devote some time to getting things under control. I’ll finish the inbox, then comes the FB friends list, then the great annual sorting of papers to start preparing for tax season.

AFTER Christmas.

I hope you all are safe in all this crazy weather!

❤️

“But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way.”

1 Corinthians 14:40 NIV

Shelves of Memories

Tue, 12 Nov 2019 02:30:47 -0600

“The antique jelly cupboard from the farm now houses my quilts.”

When I showed you my beautiful jelly cupboard that I recently moved from the farm, many of you asked to see it when I had the quilts inside. As I sat working in the living room at the Ponderosa yesterday afternoon, the warm sunshine streaming through the big windows made its way to the cupboard. The shelves sat empty and glaring at me. I set my work aside and went on the hunt for my quilts. They have been put away since the wedding a year ago and it was about time they were brought out for all to see.

I am of the mindset not to “save the good china”. I want what few antiques I have curated to be displayed and used in my everyday life. Part of this is because my kids more than likely will not be interested in them. And partly because one of the lessons Mr. Virgo unwittingly taught me was…life is short. Use the crystal and the quilts.

When the unfortunate parting of the ways came on Christmas of 2014, just ten weeks after I arrived to help my Aunt Peeps, I didn’t know what to do with the cherished items I brought from Colorado. Five thousand pounds of stuff I didn’t believe I could part with became an albatross around my neck. I couldn’t leave it at the farm and I couldn’t take it with me on the road. My good friend, Steve, let me store a lot of it in his basement. And I decided many of the most cherished family keepsakes should go live with my cousin, Tammy. That way I can visit them and she can enjoy them.

My quilts were one of the things I simply could not part with and I carefully stored them away for the perfect way to display them again. Once they were safely tucked on the aged bittersweet colored shelves of the jelly cupboard, I sat back to observe my handiwork. I realized something heartwarming.

For the last few years, I have been dreading the day when I can no longer visit or spend time in Grandma’s old red farmhouse. That day will come…when, I don’t know. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my life, it is that change is the only thing we can count on in this earthy plane. As I sat and looked at the worn wood the color of a caramel apple, I realized I could feel the farmhouse. I could see the hump in the floor where it’s settled over the years. The old faded linoleum that made cleaning much easier. I could hear the squeak of the stairs and the way the spring squeals when the screen door slams. I could see the boxes of Wheaties that Pop-Pop kept on the top of the cupboard for his dessert after supper. I could hear the faint sound the doors made when I reached in as a little girl…taking the mishmash collection of dishes out to set the table or putting them back in after hand washing and drying.

In that moment I realized that, even though the house may someday be inaccessible to me, this jelly cupboard is the heart of what is left of the beautiful childhood memories created within the crooked walls of a crooked little house in West Virginia. And…it is mine. Combining households with Mr. FixIt has definitely expanded our “footprint”, however…we each have things that are our personal possessions. While I don’t believe I will ever accumulate “stuff” like I did before Mr. Virgo died, what I do have will be things that are beautiful, useful, and that bring me joy.

❤️

“That precious memory triggers another...”
2 Timothy 1:5-7 MSG

Facebook Memories

Sat, 15 Jun 2019 01:30:16 -0600

“The Storm King House”

Oh, sometimes those memories that pop up on your timeline are killers, aren’t they? On my birthday, five years ago, I put my Colorado house on the market. I bought this house when Hubby #2 and I split up. It was about a third built and I chose my colors, carpeting, cabinets and countertops, and all the plumbing and lighting fixtures. Even though Daughter #2 was only eleven years old, she spent three weeks at a time with each of us. It was, essentially, the first time I’d ever lived sort of alone.

I was so proud of the house. I did the landscaping myself…laying sod, planting trees and flowers. This was before the days of “TOW-Wanda” so my little house was my sanctuary. I decorated like girls lived there…because, they did. I had green and white striped sofas and lots of florals. No TV. The antique rolltop desk that my uncle left to me when he died sat where an entertainment center was supposed to go.

I didn’t have curtains. I needed all the light I could get. I loved that house. Then, Mr. Virgo came along. Six months after he moved into the house, he diplomatically asked if I had ever given any thought to redecorating. I think the fru-fru girly stuff was getting to his mountain man sensibilities. I acquiesced and when we were married, we got rid of all the furniture and started over.

A friend of mine was moving to Hilton Head and didn’t want to take the furniture from her million dollar house, so I bought about $25,000 worth of furniture from her for $4,000. We painted the first floor living area as loft gold, hung tapestry valances, and brought in the new furniture. We had the painting behind the dining room table done by a Colorado artist. And we found the breakfast table and chairs at a local furniture store.

I felt so….grown up. All this sophisticated furniture with my homey touches of family antiques filled my heart. I really, REALLY loved my house.

Then Mr. Virgo died. We had just refinanced the house five months before he died. In order to give us flexibility with payments, we went with a thirty year mortgage with the understanding we would pay it off quickly when we were flush and still stay afloat on the lean months. Now I was faced with a tenth of the income and a mortgage that wouldn’t be paid off till I was ninety years old!

I quickly began to hate the house. It needed new carpet, new windows, new appliances, new paint. It was nickel and dime-ing me to death. And there were memories around every corner. I couldn’t stand it. I stayed away as much as I could. They tell you not to make any major decisions in the first year after losing your spouse. So, I waited till the next summer and decided to sell.

I wouldn’t change a thing, really. I made my decisions based on what I was faced with in the moment. I suppose, maybe I could have kept the house and rented it out, but that just presents a whole different set of problems. We went through that when we rented it out for three years while we worked around the state. In reality, it would have been cumbersome.

Do I miss it? I don’t know…I look at these pictures and remember how beautiful it was. I remember all my stuff I had in it. I think the thing I miss the most is that great front porch. But that is not the life I live now. That was then. This is now. I have a life now that I wouldn’t trade for the world. And, when we build our retirement home, we can make it any way we want it. And I’ll have a big front porch just like this one. That’s the one thing I’ll ask for special.

Facebook Memories….sometimes they blindside you. Sometimes they show you’re right where you’re supposed to be.

❤️

“For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything.” Hebrews 3:4 NIV

What a CRAZY Week!

Sat, 06 Apr 2019 01:30:47 -0600

“The perfect little camper!”

When I started out this week, I never dreamed I’d be the owner of SIX campers by the weekend!!! What??? Yes, that’s right…S-I-X campers! Ok, when Mr. FixIt and I started dating, he had two campers (a hybrid and a 27 foot Jayco) and I had one (a 30’ Starcraft). Then, by fall I bought our fourth camper…a 1967 Franklin I named “Joy”. She is still out at the farm and I need to get her over to the Ponderosa so I can work on her some more.

I picked up the little camper yesterday and I’m telling you…she’s a little cream puff. She is immaculate inside with a Sealy memory foam mattress. (Color me happy!) Mr. FixIt went with me to check her out carefully and he agreed I got a good deal on a great little camper. Hooking her up was easy peasy. We stopped at the first gas station and checked the air pressure. This is especially important every single time you tow. Remember the blowout I had coming home from Blackwater Falls a few years ago? It was caused by undetected low tire pressure. I learned a valuable and expensive lesson that day. All four tires were low. This happens when a camper sits for a while. We pumped them all up and headed for home.

The second test would be to see how well Frieda pulled this camper. I was sure she would do well, but this is an 18’ camper. I’ve seen different weights. An online spec sheet says 3740 and the tag on the trailer says 4200. There are some steep hills on the drive home so I watched carefully. Frieda towed that trailer like a boss and the transmission temp didn’t get up over 197 degrees which is perfect. When we got home, I felt the hubs and they were barely warm to the touch so that is wonderful.

I pulled the camper around to the side of the house where the water connector is. The exterior surface is fairly dirty and dull. I wanted to see how it would clean up. I used my Norwex cloth and cleaning paste on a two-foot square section and it looked brand new when I was done. When it started getting dark, I went in the camper and stretched out on the yummy mattress. It’s wonderful! I opened the rock guard from the front window and it is exactly like my first camper…a Sportsmen Classic by K-Z RV.

I loved my first camper and I’ve got to tell you…I love this one more. If my first camper would have had a dinette with a separate bed, I never would have gotten rid of it. This one has exactly what I’ve always wanted and I’m thrilled!

Now, a friend has a 30’ camper that she is giving me and we are going Monday to bring her home….making SIX campers. Mr. FixIt has one for sale now and TOW-Wanda Grande will be on the market as soon as I get her emptied and cleaned up.

“Hi, my name is Ginny…and I have a camper addiction.”

This was absolutely, without a doubt, a prayer answered. This camper is more economical, practical, safer to tow….Thank You, God!

Oh, an update on the bathroom. We managed to go another day without killing each other. However, we did end up having to cut a big chunk out of the drywall to get the bottom piece of the shower stall inserted. AND…there was yet ANOTHER trip to Lowes. Mr. FixIt’s measuring is impeccable. I am not kidding…that opening isn’t 1/16th of an inch bigger than the shower base. I am in the presence of engineering greatness…seriously!

❤️

“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”
Proverbs 16:9 NIV

Grief is a Crucible

Sat, 17 Nov 2018 02:30:37 -0600

“Grief is a crucible…you come out entirely changed by the process.”

I was interviewed yesterday for an article for a major financial company. The topic was whether widows find navigating finances difficult in grief. I asked her how long she had to discuss this and suggested she put on a pot of tea. For me, dealing with finances was one of the most difficult aspects of my grief process aside from the fact my husband died. I was terribly unprepared and totally unknowledgeable.

I’m the first to admit I was a spoiled princess. Money was always the source of arguments in my house growing up so that carried over into my marriages. Being the wife of a doctor, money wasn’t really tight. I had a checking account that wasn’t really monitored. What I thought was just “not worrying” turned out to be “highly irresponsible.” Mr. Virgo and I had separate accounts and we both had good jobs. I just didn’t worry about it. I’d ask his opinion. I had a financial advisor but he wasn’t necessarily overly involved. I just left my IRA with him and hoped for the best.

Mr. Virgo often commented that I should find a different advisor because he didn’t think the guy was doing much for me. But, since it was my money from my divorce, he left it to me to make my own decisions. Money talk makes me highly uncomfortable so I decided the devil you know is better than the one you don’t. It was easier to just stay where I was. An ostrich with my head in the sand.

Then the unthinkable happened. You are never prepared entirely. I sure could have been more knowledgeable though. A friend suggested a Christian financial advisor. After meeting with her, I moved my IRA over and started learning about being a responsible steward for the gifts God gave me. This is what the journalist and I discussed during the interview.

We talked about some of the difficult decisions I had to make. Selling the house was major. Getting rid of 95% of my personal belongings and downsizing from a three bedroom house into a thirty foot camper was a challenge. Traveling across the country and trying to help my elderly aunt was difficult. Whenever I am interviewed about the early period of grief, it really strikes me how much territory I have covered since Mr. Virgo died.

The first thing I did when I hung up the phone was text my girlfriends and remind them to have that difficult conversation about end of life decisions. Know where everything is. Have a notebook with all the accounts and passwords. If you go over to my website, there is a link there where you can purchase an excellent book called The LastingMatters Organizer by my friend, Barb Sedoric. I wish I would have had something like this before I so unexpectedly became a widow.

Do you know what a crucible is? When you have raw ore, you place it in a crucible and heat it up to ultra high temperatures. This burns off the impurities and leaves you with something stronger, better, precious. Grief is a crucible that turned my gritty “sand” into colorful glass that reflects the light in a million different directions. It’s not till I’m forced to turn around and look that I can see how far I’ve come. ❤️

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2 NIV

Adding to My Yarn Stash!

Sat, 03 Nov 2018 01:30:50 -0600

“Yarn is one thing I am willing to accumulate. I love knitting socks as gifts and the Lord loves a cheerful giver!”

There are very few things I will buy anymore. Besides food and the occasional piece of clothing, I just do not shop like I used to. Working so hard at downsizing, and going through the emotional roller coaster that caused, keeps me from accumulating too much. One place I do add is yarn for socks.

Once I closed my needlework shop in 2006, I really didn’t do any stitching or knitting. I burned out on fiber arts because it became “work” for me. It wasn’t fun anymore. Then, after losing Mr. Virgo, I just couldn’t concentrate enough to focus on anything as intricate as a pattern. I couldn’t even read a book. My creativity had suffered a fatal blow when grief took over my brain.

When we were down here at the Outer Banks last spring, I went into a wonderful yarn shop in Kitty Hawk called Knitting Addiction. ( knittingaddiction.com ) I explained that I hadn’t knitted in a long time but that I had made socks before. I really enjoy them because they are a fairly quick project I can work on while we travel. It’s easy to knit on them in the warm months of the year because they are small and you don’t get overheated. And, they look pretty darned impressive when you are finished. They make a nice gift, too.

I was really excited when they predicted rain for yesterday because I told Mr. FixIt the first rainy day of this trip would be our exploration day. Our first stop was Stack ‘em High…our favorite pancake place down here. As soon as we were adequately stuffed, we headed to our favorite antique store and browsed around. Again, I like to look…not buy. Unless it’s a good bargain on a quilt. That I will usually spring for. I love quilts.

When we finished at the antique store, we headed straight to Knitting Addiction. Mr. FixIt has learned to leave me to my own devices in a yarn shop because I love to walk around and feel the yarns, examine the contents, browse the patterns, and see what kind of new fibers and colors are available. I was happy as a clam. I chose several skeins and had a lovely chat with the shop owner. It pleased me to see her doing well after suffering a couple of big losses last year. Her partner and her beloved dog both passed. She had a new rescue dog…a sweet but slightly skittish mutt named Carolina Jane. Carolina came from an abusive home so she is quite leery of humans…especially men. This is her forever home and she is blossoming from all the love that is being showered on her every day.

There was a second yarn shop I didn’t know about further down the island, but the selection was much smaller. There was the addition of some cross stitch patterns featuring local attractions like lighthouses, but for some unexplainable reason, one corner was filled with kitchen stuff. I did buy two skeins of sock yarn there, as well.

I’m pretty much set for knitting material for the winter now. I wish I could knit really fast and get a bunch of socks made by Christmas, but I don’t see that happening. I love giving them away as gifts because they are always appreciated.

Today is our last full day at the beach. We usually drive home all in one day when we head back. It will be raining again today so we are heading to a lighthouse down the island from here. Mr. FixIt’s son-in-law passed away a year ago June and his ashes have been spread at the beach down there. We are going to pay our respects. Mr. FixIt is really good about visiting with people who have died so he will introduce me to George today. Then we will come back and start packing so we can get an early start tomorrow. The week flies way too fast when you come to the beach.

Oh, and don’t forget to set your clocks back tonight! If not, you’re going to be sitting in the parking lot at the church for an hour in the morning. ❤️

“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Hebrews 13:16 NIV

Introducing....Mr. & Mrs. FixIt

Sun, 14 Oct 2018 01:30:41 -0600

“Introducing Mr. and Mrs. FixIt!”

Oh my, what a perfect day!!! I prayed it wouldn’t be too hot. It didn’t break 50 degrees even though the last two weeks have been in the high eighties. I prayed there wouldn’t be bugs. It was cool to the point of being downright brisk so…no bugs!!! I prayed the pulled pork would be moist. It was succulent and juicy. There was a small hiccup with the music but just when I decided to walk in unaccompanied, it kicked in. It didn’t rain…or snow. My hair cooperated. It truly was a perfect day!

When I asked Mr. FixIt what his favorite part of the wedding was, he said “When I saw you walking toward me.” I know this is true because when I got up to him he just looked and me and said, “Whoa!” Everyone laughed and I knew…this was as close to the perfect moment we may ever get when we are on this earth. And now, as I’m writing this, I realize how exhausted I am. I have a kitchen full of things needing cleaned. But, I have really great cake and pulled pork leftovers.

Really. Perfect. Day. ❤️

“Even more than all this, clothe yourself in love. Love is what holds you all together in perfect unity.”

Colossians 3:14 NCV

Listening to the Still Small Voice

Tue, 11 Sep 2018 01:30:57 -0600

“Sternwheelers left the festival early this weekend due to threat of flooding.”

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”” Joshua 1:9 NIV

This time last year, I had just wrapped up my first Sisters on the Fly event that I hosted here in West Virginia...WV Riverboat Rendezvous. It was timed to coincide with the Sternwheel Festival in Marietta. There were twenty-three women in attendance and we had a blast! Lots of activities from riding a stern wheeler over to Blennerhassett Island to touring a Victorian Mansion to learning how to clog while listening to WV’s Number 1 Fiddle Player. We churned homemade ice cream and had an old fashioned weenie roast. We took a tour of an abandoned oil and gas town. The weather that weekend was fabulous. No rain, reasonably cool weather, and a wonderful campground made for a really fun weekend.

All year, I toyed with the idea of doing it again. While it was indeed a lot of fun, it was a tremendous amount of work. Every time I thought about getting started organizing it, that still small voice said, “No, not this year.” I was afraid I was disappointing others who might want to gather again this fall, but I just couldn’t shake the thought that it wasn’t meant to be this year. If I would have forged ahead and not listened, the event would have come, not only on the heels of my hospitalization last week, but also a wicked bad storm hit over the weekend. Our rain gauges, both at the Ponderosa and at the farm, were topped out at six inches and overflowing, so who knows what we actually received? The point being…I listened. I was told no. And I abided by that.

Everyone who camped with me this weekend with the Girl Campers got home safely with no weather problems. I was so grateful to have had that time with my friends without all the stress a large event causes. I went to the farm yesterday and did laundry in preparation for this week’s trip to the Country Living Fair. Mr. FixIt and his daughter came out to join me. We went through some of the boxes of my treasures and had so much fun looking at things my dad brought back from the war and some old family photographs. We played cards and told stories of growing up. It was such a pleasure to feel the farmhouse warm with the love of family.

There was one point where I opened one of the boxes and laying right on the top was the bill from the ambulance company that took Mr. Virgo to the hospital the day he died. I looked up at Mr. FixIt’s daughter and sighed. She, too, is a widow. She looked at me questioningly.

I closed the lid to the box and smiled. “There are still some things that bother me,” I said. “This is the ambulance bill. Today would have been his 68th birthday. I don’t need to go through this box today.” She gets it.

Still…it was a good day, all in all. I just had to leave well enough alone.

And today…we remember the fallen. 9/11. We will never forget. ❤️

What Do You Do With HIS Stuff?

Sat, 01 Sep 2018 01:30:48 -0600

“Mr. Virgo dressed for the Ritz Carlton.”

“The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:17-18 NIV

We had a good discussion here yesterday about downsizing...a topic near and dear to my heart and one not everyone is interested in. I get that. We like our stuff...it brings back memories, it is proof of what we worked for. But, what do we do with HIS stuff? If you’ve watch any rom/com, you’ll see women throwing the guys stuff out the upstairs window and burning it on the lawn if infidelity or divorce are involved. While I don’t necessarily recommend that, I can see how it would be cathartic. Usually the man takes care of his own stuff in a breakup. That can’t happen when death is involved.

When I was newly widowed, I walked in a daze for weeks. I couldn’t imagine going through Mr. Virgo’s stuff and getting rid of anything. I would often stand in his closet, wrap myself in his clothes that smelled of leather and tobacco and Halston and woods. I grieved to my very core, holding onto the last things he touched. I did this for a few weeks. Then I took off in my little camper for three months.

When I returned, I had screamed and cried out a lot of my initial grief up on the mountaintops. I realized standing in the closet wrapped in his clothes wasn’t healthy for me. My daughter was a teacher at a poor, inner-city school that had a program for young men. They provided a suit and interview training so they would have a better chance at landing good jobs. When I heard about this, something inside me smiled. I knew Mr. Virgo would love to have his suits used for such a purpose. This gave me the impetus to go through his closet. I saved a couple of sweaters, my favorite ties, and his leather bomber jacket. The rest I bagged up.

When I woke up the next day, I reached for my phone and saw message after message on my feed…Happy Father’s Day! I sat up and looked around. All of his clothes were in bags on the floor surrounding the bed. And I had no one to hug for Father’s Day. I always had a bag packed to impromptu camping trips so I went out and hooked up TOW-Wanda and headed for the hills for a few days.

When I got home, I carried the bags out to the car and carted them around for a couple of weeks just to make sure I was really ready to let go. Once I was convinced, I delivered them to my daughter. I would have loved to have heard the stories of successful job interviews!

Once the closet was cleaned out, it wasn’t a big stretch to go through his dresser and get rid of his underwear and socks. I never felt like I was invading his privacy until I got to the top drawer of the highboy and his briefcase. That bothered me. I felt like I was snooping. I knew I had to go through them because there were papers in there that I might need. I did find some things I wasn’t expecting. There were a couple of charge accounts I didn’t know about. And there was an envelope with his and another woman’s name on it addressed to the house he lived in before he moved to Aspen. At first, I was upset by this. I thought I knew everything about him. Then I realized that he didn’t know everything about me either. We were in our mid-50’s when we met. A lot of water had gone under the bridge before we ever set eyes on each other. The new information didn’t change a thing about our relationship. It was still wonderful. So, I let it go.

My way of cleaning out his closet may not be your way. And that is perfectly fine. We all walk down this path in our own way, in our own time. If it’s ten weeks or ten months or ten years, you do what you need to do. I will lay this down here though, and you can pick it up or not. There is a wonderful organization called Career Gear. You can donate suits and business casual clothes to them and they provide training, professional clothing, and mentorship to men in need so they can get good jobs and provide for their families. I saw a story about them, I believe on Sunday Morning. This would be a good place to donate your husband’s clothing. Or, you may find something similar in your area. It’s just a thought.

careergear.org/get-invol…

Another alternative is creating a memory quilt or pillow from items of his clothing. My friend Steve did this. He had memory quilts made for his three kids and teddy bears for his nine grandchildren…all from his late wife’s clothes. It was a wonderful way to memorialize Nana for her family. I don’t know anything about this particular site, but it’s an example.

https://www.toocooltshirtquilts.com/blog/dealing-with-the-clothing-of-a-passed-loved-one

I hope you find your way through this difficult step with peace…no matter when you decide to do it. Just remember to do it your way. Don’t let anyone tell you how or when. ❤️

Here I Go Again...

Fri, 31 Aug 2018 01:30:38 -0600

“All that’s left of forty year’s accumulation.”

“a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,” Ecclesiastes 3:6 NIV

This stuff was out of sight, out of mind for much of the last three years. My very sweet friend, Steve, let me store this in his basement. He seldom went down there, it was clean and dry, and it was safe and secure. On occasion, I would go over and gather a few boxes and bring them to the farm. Winter clothes, camping gear, important papers, pictures...little by little, things were sorted and either saved or sent on to live with someone else via a charitable organization.

Steve was never in a hurry to reclaim the space I was using because, as a widower, he didn’t have any more enthusiasm for going through things than I did. Over the years, his kids have brought things to store and the basement became more and more crowded and cluttered. Last Christmas was the straw that broke the camel’s back when he had to crawl over things to get to his outdoor decorations. We agreed I would have everything out this summer. As you know, summers are so hot and sticky in West Virginia. And I traveled a lot. And I had surgery. And Steve works weird hours. One thing led to another and I didn’t get it done. I promised everything would be out by the end of August.

So, there it is. Other than a few things at the Ponderosa, my two campers, and my pickup…everything I own is sitting right here. This is all that’s left after the purging of forty years of accumulation and selling my house. It’s been a full four years since I downsized and I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I need to be happy. I thought I’d share a few observations here today.

I’ve learned downsizing is not for everyone. That’s ok. People love their stuff. They worked hard for it. They find comfort in it. I get that. I was really on a bandwagon when I faced downsizing, not only as a lifestyle choice, but as a necessity. I preached “Live with less!” Vehemently. My fervor hasn’t died for me personally, but I now realize I came across as perhaps a little insensitive to those who cherish their personal belongings. If that is you, I apologize.
I have a few…but very few…regrets. First, if I had known my stint at the farm helping out my elderly aunt was only going to last 10 weeks, I very likely wouldn’t have purchased such a big travel trailer. I really miss Little TOW-Wanda. At 16’, she was easy to pick up and go with at a moment’s notice. Not so much with the big behemoth that is TOW-Wanda Grande. Second, there are a few pieces of furniture I parted with that I would love to have now. But, I never would have dreamed I would fall in love again and live the life I am living now. Besides, I really do have everything I need.
And, speaking of falling in love again, I have a significant other who hasn’t fallen in love with the idea of simplifying…yet. We are in the early stages of discussing the merits of downsizing, and he is beginning to understand that means you don’t get to keep everything. I totally understand where he is with that. I held onto my stuff for a long, long time…even when my spouse(s) hated the clutter. Mr. FixIt is coming around. It has to be at his pace, at his comfort level, or I’ll come across as trying to make him get rid of everything. I remember what that feels like and it’s isn’t nice.
When you have less stuff to take care of, you have more money and time to get out and enjoy the fun things in life. That is the best lesson I’ve learned from my own experience downsizing.
Remembering to be grateful for what I DO have keeps me from missing what I don’t. It keeps me thinking in terms of abundance rather than deprivation.

Now I face these boxes. Part of me says if I haven’t opened them in four years, what possible use do I have for their contents? I could just take them to a shelter…or to the dump. But, of course, I cannot do that. I have to go through them. I can, and will, be ruthless as I pick and choose what must be kept, what can be given to family members who would appreciate the memories, and what can go to someone else who will love them as much as I did. This is now my cold weather project. I’ll have it done as soon as possible because, I had the farmhouse clean and neat and tidy. I want it back that way quickly.

I find an uncluttered environment equates to an uncluttered life for me. It eases my mind and will certainly make things easier for whoever will be in charge of going through my stuff when I’m dead and gone. I promised myself, and my kids, that I would never leave them with a mess like I was left with when my mom died. As wonderful as she was, she was a pack rat of the highest order and it was such a chore to clean out her house AND deal with the grief of losing her. I don’t want to do that to anyone. So, here I go again! ❤️

And the Thunder Rolls

Thu, 30 Aug 2018 01:30:26 -0600

“Lightning over West Virginia”

““My heart pounds as I think of this. It trembles within me. Listen carefully to the thunder of God’s voice as it rolls from his mouth. It rolls across the heavens, and his lightning flashes in every direction. Then comes the roaring of the thunder— the tremendous voice of his majesty. He does not restrain it when he speaks. God’s voice is glorious in the thunder. We can’t even imagine the greatness of his power.” Job 37:1-5 NLT

The heat and humidity in West Virginia raises the heat index and brings us these amazing thunderstorms. It’s one of the things I always missed in Colorado. Oh, you get storms there...sure. But they don’t sound the same as storms in the rolling hills. There is an echo you just don’t get out west. And I love it!

The last couple of days we have been moving some boxes of my “stuff” from my friend Steve’s basement. We got the last load moved yesterday. Good thing, because it rained last night and we would have had to carry these heavy boxes up a hill instead of driving the truck down to the back of Steve’s house. That’s one thing about lawns here. If they’re wet, you sink down in them.

“Lightning over West Virginia.”

On the way back from picking up the last load, Mr. FixIt saw a house on fire a little over a mile from the Ponderosa. As often happens in outlying rural areas, the house burned to the ground and was a total loss. Fortunately, no one was at home when it burned so there were no injuries.

We took he last load out to the farm and no sooner carried the last box in when the electric went out. No wind. No storm. Just off. This, unfortunately, is NOT uncommon. We waited a while and when it hadn’t come back on after thirty minutes or so, we headed home. We stopped and visited neighbors along the way. That’s something I miss from my childhood. Someone was always stopping by to talk. Now, there are whole neighborhoods who don’t know anyone’s name. That’s sad.

As we were nearing home, I caught a glimpse of lightning in the far off distance. As we got closer, it was obvious a great lightning storm was coming. We stopped on top of the hill so I could video tape the light show. In all my years of photographing nature, I have never caught lightning in a still shot, so I just captured stills from the video and called it good.

My summer cold is easing up a bit, I think. This thick, humid air doesn’t really help that. The rain is supposed to usher in some cooler weather for the next couple of days, and I’m all for that. ❤️

“Lightning over West Virginia.”

Just When I thought It Was Allergies

Tue, 28 Aug 2018 01:30:14 -0600

just when I thought it was allergies…it’s a cold.

“Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me. He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.” Psalms 103:2-3 NLT

My “allergies” turned into a full fledged cold yesterday. That didn’t stop me. We had to pick up two loads of my “stuff” from my friend Steve’s house and take it out to the farm. We had a chiropractor appointment first. Then a couple of errands. Then picking up the stuff.

When I made the decision to sell my house, downsized 95% of my personal belongings, and move halfway across the country, it had literally whittled my possessions down to what I felt was the bare necessities. When things went south with my aunt on the farm, I needed to leave and couldn’t take my stuff with me. Enter my dear friend, Mr. Steve. His wife and I were friends in school. She passed away not too long before I moved to WV. When Steve learned I didn’t have anyplace to put my stuff, he suggested I leave it in his basement. That was four years ago. He needs his space back. And I need to face another 5% of stuff and figure out if I need it or not.

We spent the better part of yesterday loading up my truck and carting the stuff to the farm. I figure it’s better to have it out there where I have the space to spread out and go through things. I can’t believe I have downsized this much already and I’m still not done. I look at this stuff that I never even thought of over those years. It’s easy to start thinking dumpster.

And, as I finished the second load, I stretched out on grandma’s bed and promptly fell asleep. When I woke up, I had a fever and I officially have a cold. Ugh. Too much to do to be sick. But I will go to sleep without a fight tonight. ❤️

Organizationally Challenged

Tue, 21 Aug 2018 01:30:23 -0600

“Ironic…Oprah’s De-Clutter issue on top of one of my piles. Oy!”

“But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.” 2 Chronicles 15:7 NIV

I am a well rounded individual. I know how to do a lot of different things. I know my way around a tool box, I can do just about any crafty thing, I can tow a camper across the country and back...several times. But, I’ve got to tell you...organization is NOT in my skill set. This is an old photo, taken in the “junk room” at the house I shared with Mr. Virgo when we lived in Denver. A lot of what you see here are art supplies and various papers...records, receipts, ephemera. Some of it was my mother’s and grandmother’s. But the biggest majority was my crap that I hauled around from house to house, paying perfectly good money to have it moved rather than bite the bullet and downsize.

In those days, downsizing was inconceivable to me. This was my STUFF! And, just like my first two husbands, Mr. Virgo hated it. Why do you think I call him Mr. Virgo? He and my second husband both were Virgos. Highly organized. Highly intolerant of piles. I, however, was all about the sparklies. I have the attention span of a toddler.

Downsizing was a really great step for me. I got rid of 95% of my personal belongings, but I still own too much stuff. At least that part is manageable now. My biggest challenge now is keeping track of papers I need. I have probably six tote bags in the bottom of the guest room closet filled with papers. That is a real problem when you need to find something specific. I bought a plastic tub and a box of hanging file folders and spent yesterday morning filing papers. I still have a long way to go. I’ll probably need a second box but progress is progress.

After it cooled down some, I mowed the four acres at the Ponderosa while Mr. FixIt worked on his camper that he’s selling. One of the jacks was bent and it took him over two hours to get the old one off and put the new one on. The new one was “universal”, meaning it should fit any camper. Nope. Poor guy had to lay under the camper and drill new holes to fit the mounting brackets. We finished working at the same time…just before dark. It made for a long, but satisfying day. It feels good when you accomplish things. ?

Bambi!

Sat, 02 Jun 2018 01:30:49 -0600

“Doe and fawn on the front lawn.”

The quality of this picture is very poor. It was dusk. I was shooting through a window in a dark room. And these two had almost made it to the end of the yard where they ducked into the cover of the trees and bushes. There is a small creek running just on the other side of them so I imagine they were heading for a drink. The only thing that worried us is up above them beyond those trees is a fairly busy highway. I always say a prayer when I see them go up that bank. I’d hate to hear or see one of these beautiful creatures get hit. The cars race by on that road.

Mr. FixIt has lived here for decades and said he had never seen such a tiny baby up walking around. We were sitting in the dining room playing cards after dinner when we spotted them. At the same time, we kept hearing a soft “whump-whump-whump” sound coming from the fireplace followed by high pitched chirping. It confirmed what we noticed the other night at dusk when we were out at the pool. There are swallows nesting in the chimney. We could see them at dusk diving down into the top of the chimney. I don’t know why there isn’t a screen over it. We also noticed as we walked into the dining room where the fireplace is, there was a smell of something burnt. They are stirring up the soot and ash inside the chimney. We have the glass doors and the flue closed so they don’t make a mess in the house but this is just one more thing we have to address once the babies fledge.

Downsizing here isn’t going to be as quick and frantic as it was when I sold my house in Colorado. It’s Mr. FixIt’s stuff. I can’t just come in with a dumpster and throw things away. That’s not how it works…no matter how much I would like to do just that. If we even go through two or three drawers or boxes or a closet every day, we will be making great progress and things will be less of a burden for him…and for me. After downsizing so much myself, my tolerance for clutter and unnecessary ephemera is much, much lower than it used to be. This is something that all of my husbands would have loved. My piles and collections and “stuff” was a bone of contention with each man who ever shared my space.

My friend Deneene is preparing for a huge estate sale as she downsizes and moves south to be with her sweetheart. She is a widow and this house is where she raised her three children. It is a huge home and you know as well as I do…things accumulate. She is doing something I did when I downsized. There were things that had personal meaning for me and papers that I didn’t want to lose track of. I made a file called “Memories” and took pictures of everything I needed to remember…the items I loved but really couldn’t keep as well as papers that could possibly get lost or destroyed. She’s doing a great job. It brings back such memories for me…those long days and nights of purging and packing and moving. She is so blessed to have a buyer…the first one who looked! Selling my house was a nightmare. I’m happy that things are going so smoothly for her so far and pray they continue to do so.

Change. It’s one of the things you can count on…like death, and taxes. And, it’s difficult for some…easy for others. Either way…it’s gonna come. ❤

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:” ‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

My Favorite Wildflower

Tue, 08 May 2018 01:30:07 -0600

“Trillium - My Favorite Wildflower”

It’s a toss-up...trillium or Jack-in-the-Pulpit. I love them both, but since Jack-in-the-Pulpit doesn’t grow on the farm (at least, not that I have found) I’ll have to go with trillium. The pristine white, three-petalled blossoms come out in early May every year. The dogwood have bloomed, finally. Mayapple is up, but no blooms yet. I still haven’t ventured over to the ditch by the old garden to see if I can catch some sprigs of asparagus. The redbud is just about gone. It was amazing to watch trees leaf out in a matter of a couple of days this last week.

This is by far my favorite time of the year here in West Virginia. The world is coming back to life after a long, dull-grey winter with a vibrant spring-green not easily duplicated. The temps have dropped quite a bit from last week’s. I took the electric blanket off the bed last week when the night time temperatures weren’t going below the low 70’s. So, last night I had to dig around in the guest bedroom for something extra to throw on the bed. I came across an old “Bow Tie” quilt I bought at an antique store years ago. Some of the fabrics have become quite fragile, but these things are meant to be uses as far as I’m concerned. I love old quilts. I can always figure out a way to justify the expense.

The other day, I was out cleaning up the camper preparing for the upcoming travel season. Remember how I told you Mr. Virgo sends me birds? Well, I came out the door to empty the dustpan and here was this little guy sitting there watching me. He didn’t seem afraid at all. I spoke to him gently and he stayed for a while then was gone. I didn’t see him coming or going. It was odd.

I spent much of the day yesterday helping my friend Deneene begin the daunting task of downsizing and preparing to sell her house. It really brought up a lot of memories for me. Seems like forever ago. I came home and helped Mr. FixIt mow the Ponderosa. Then we grilled steaks for dinner. I added creamed new potatoes with peas, sliced tomatoes, and collard greens with peppered bacon, Vidalia Onions, and a splash of cider vinegar. It was a great day!

I saw this little story on the Sisters on the Fly Facebook page yesterday. At some of our events, we hold a little “garage sale” by our tents and donate the proceeds to a charity, usually chosen by the event hostess. It seems this happened recently and a Sister brought a bagful of yarn and a half finished potholder. She explained to a lady looking over her wares that the yarn had belonged to her mother and she doesn’t crochet. The Sister bought the whole bag of yarn. Yesterday, she received a lovely note in the mail from her….with several finished potholders. The note read, “Now you can think of your mother. I hope you enjoy them!” I literally cried…what a sweet and loving gesture. This is why I love my girl camping friends. They have big hearts! ❤

“For God is not unjust so as to overlook your work and the love that you have shown for his name in serving the saints, as you still do.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭6:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Nesting 2.0

Fri, 18 Nov 2016 02:30:12 -0600

“My favorite piece of my childhood.”

I gathered some of my belongings out of storage the other day and brought them to the farm. I kept my dearest antiques knowing someday I would either decorate TOW-Wanda or I would have a small home of my own again. I have postponed making this house my “home” for the last three months till I was fairly certain I wouldn’t be moving for a while. Now that I feel more secure in that, I’ve been nesting with a vengeance.

“I bought this in an antique store in Carbondale, CO years ago. Perfect for my farmhouse kitchen.”

I’m loving how cozy this place is getting. The items on top of the cabinets are special and I haven’t lived with them for two and a half years, at least. As I unwrapped the dishes Mr. Virgo gave me, I carefully cleaned them and placed them in the jelly cupboard so I can see and use them every day. The watering cans were in my flower garden in Colorado. They were literally the last thing I grabbed from my house as I left. The sap bucket on the far left was hanging here in the basement by my grandma’s old canning stove. The copper bucket on the far right holds my mom’s wooden clothespins. The crocks on top of the cabinets belonged to my late Uncle Bobby Joe’s grandparents…as did the little red rocking chair that was found in their barn years after they passed. The churns in the middle belonged to my grandma (left) and mom (right). The little lamb was my toy when I was a baby. The blue mason jar is a #13…rare because moonshiners broke #13’s because they were unlucky. The old lunchpail on the right belonged to my grandpa. The folk art “Homemade Pies” sign came from an antique shop in Colorado many years ago.

“My favorite little red rocking chair…found in an old barn in West Virginia.”

I made the door decoration yesterday from a horn I bought in a junk shop. That and the two candles in the first floor window constitute my entire holiday decorating since I’m going to Colorado for Christmas again this year. I found the bird’s nest in the ditch by the driveway this fall and the boots were an old pair in a barrel downstairs. I bought the handmade broom at Country Living Fair. And the little “dress” hanging from the light over the sink is a reproduction and is actually a tea towel. (My windows REALLY need washing!)

“Old hunting boots from the basement.”

I have a picture hanging in my bedroom here that says…“It’s not the size of the house but how happy the home.” My home is where I lay my head and I always make it happy. It might be a thirty foot camper on the road through Tennessee. Or it might be on a ridge overlooking the Ohio River. Or it might be on a farm that hold memories so thick they feel like cobwebs when I brush through them. I am rich beyond my wildest dreams. Not monetarily…I’m rich with family, love, memories, health, happiness, joy, and words. These are my everyday gifts from God. I am so blessed. ❤️

“Treasures!”

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”” Hebrews‬ ‭13:5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

“I made a wreath from an antique horn.”

“Reproduction apron hanging from the light over the sink. Loving my farmhouse look.”

Surviving Who I Tried to Be

Sat, 04 Jun 2016 01:30:32 -0600

My ex and his wife just bought a huge new house on three acres. I'm happy for them. Seriously. They've worked hard for what they've grown together and they are two beautiful souls. And, even though I am happy for them, when I saw that house, I felt the tiniest little squeeze of jealousy. A fleeting thought crossed my mind. "That could have been me. That could have been my house!" Then I smiled at that petulant child and said, "Hush now and remember who you are."

For a long, long time I tried to be something I wasn't. I wore masks and different costumes, trying this one and that to see what fit...to find my identity. My identity was fractured in my youth by dysfunction and sexual abuse. I longed to be understood yet I had no words to express what I was feeling. I remember a period of time when I couldn't see my face in the mirror. I was a mess.

Things got so bad. I built a house of cards and it was just a matter of time till they all came crashing down around me. I tried to be Jewish. I tried to be a good doctor's wife. I tried to put on a happy face...till I didn't have the energy to try anymore. When everything came crashing down, it was devastating to a lot of people. We are all changed because of it. But we survived. And now we're stronger and much more real.

Yes, they have a beautiful home. And so do I. My home is portable. I can park it anywhere. I can change my view on a whim. I have no grass to mow, no fences to mend. I can carry everything I own on eight wheels. I have no mortgage. My living expenses are fairly minimal. All those things are pluses in my book. Thank God I don't wear a mask now. I don't try to be something I'm not. I don't tap dance for my supper anymore. And that is living on a grand scale.

❤️

“For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”
James 3:16 NIV

Downsizing, Part 27

Tue, 03 May 2016 01:30:45 -0600

Ok, for those of you who are fairly new, you may not know that I initially had a 16' camper. The following summer (2014) I realized I was living in the camper and using the house for a very expensive laundromat. I soon decided, for a number of very valid reasons, to sell the house. This allowed me to upgrade to a bigger trailer and forced me to downsize my personal belongings. I got rid of 95% of my stuff. And, as you can see, there's still a boatload of stuff still...and this is just what I took in the house last fall and brought out today. I still have several boxes of stuff in a friend's basement. So, the next phase of downsizing is about to begin.

The hardest thing for me to get rid of is clothes. I can do without a lot of things, but don't mess with my clothes. The only saving grace is I'm losing weight so next winter my clothes won't fit anyway.

❤️

““Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.””
Luke 22:42 NIV

Downsizing: Two Years Later

Fri, 19 Feb 2016 02:30:26 -0600

I mentioned in yesterday's post that I regretted some of my spending choices in the first year or so after Mr. Virgo died. I look back and wonder what on earth I was thinking. I was warned. I was also in a near emotional coma so maybe I can't be blamed entirely, even though I am completely responsible. I didn't take exorbitant trips. I didn't fly to Europe or anything. But, there was still quite a lot of frivolous spending in an effort to escape my pain and loneliness.

Do I regret the sale of my house? Maybe a little but only because the mortgage was fairly reasonable. If I would have rented it out, the rent would have paid the mortgage payment with plenty left over to build up a home repair fund while supplying me with at least some gas money. That's the downside...the regret. The upside is, I'm not in huge debt. That affordable mortgage wouldn't have been paid off till I am 90 years old! I may never have been free. The house was 13 years old and starting to need work...a lot of work. Big ticket items like new appliances, paint inside and out, and new flooring were screaming to be done. The utilities were sometimes $400-500 a month between heating costs in the winter and summer irrigation. All in all, I really just miss my neighbors, my covered front porch and my gorgeous flower beds...even though it was getting increasingly expensive and exhausting to maintain those, as well.

Do I regret the drastic downsizing I did to squeeze myself into less than 200 square feet of living space? It has been two years now since I made the decision to sell out and downsize so I've created the following list.

Stuff I Regret Getting Rid Of:

Yeah, I'm trying to think and I got nothin'. I don't need half of what I DID keep so I still have purging to do. I'm lighter and more flexible now that I don't have to provide a huge storage shed called a house. I don't spend time cleaning and dusting. I don't have to stay in one place just because it's a king-sized pain in the butt to pack and move. And, I could have bought all that stuff three times over with what I've paid in the past to have it moved professionally. I miss the warm feeling it gave me to sit in my museum and see and touch all my lovelies, but just the feeling...not the stuff. I kept the items that were dearest to me. The second level attachments went to family where I can either ask for them back someday or at least see them when I visit. The third level attachments went to friends who loved them as I did. After that, it was all just stuff. This gives me peace and joy and a huge sense of relief.

I know this life is not for everyone. We all have a different level of attachment and love for our treasures. There is a sense of pride in home ownership and in having worked hard for the items that furnish it. The bottom line is this...you must do what you are comfortable with. I'm still looking at a more permanent tiny home as a base camp near family and possibly downsizing to a smaller camper for my adventures. I find I am less inclined to hook up this monstrosity I live in and haul it somewhere for just a weekend. That's not really camping anyway. That's more like moving your house and changing neighbors. I long for the spontaneous trips to the mountains that I made in my little 16' camper.

I'm still a work in progress. I'm feeling my way through the darkness into the light. I'm getting there...I'm definitely getting there. It feels good to me to do it with less weight.

❤️

“So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31 NIV

Memories

Wed, 20 Jan 2016 02:30:06 -0600

I was sitting around with some ladies after the Salon on Sunday in Cincinnati. We were chatting about my downsizing adventure and one asked if there was anything I got rid of that I later regretted. I had to really think about it and she surmised if it took me that long to think of something, the answer was probably "No". I've had a couple of days to think about it though and here's what I've come up with.

I don't miss the house I sold. It was beginning to need a good amount of work and I just didn't love it enough to invest the time or the money into it.
I do miss the home I created there with my younger daughter and then the addition of Mr. Virgo. There were some beautiful memories we made in that place. Those times I miss but they were gone once they passed from real-time. Now they are memories.

I don't miss the yard work, the snow shoveling, and the everyday maintenance of such a big house. When you are the chief cook and bottle washer, the light can kind of dim pretty quickly on a house that size.
I do miss the trees and flowers I so carefully planted when I built that house. And I miss the covered front porch that I rocked on every chance I got. I miss sitting out there with Mr. Virgo, coffee mugs in hand, laughing and planning our long life together. Oh yes...I miss that terribly.

I don't miss the mortgage hanging over my head till I'm 90.

I do miss the fact that the mortgage was lower than what most rents are now, but that's why I have a paid-for tiny home on wheels now.

I miss my bed that I shared with Mr. Virgo. It was magnificent. It was a bed befitting of royalty and since he was my Prince...and I his Princess...it suited us. But it was huge. HUGE! And heavy. Very, very heavy. I couldn't have remodeled my little tiny home to fit it.

But, really...is it the bed I miss? Or is it the "two spoons in a drawer" snuggle we did every night? Is it the arm under my head, me grasping his left thumb and holding on for dear life till he fell asleep and turned over? Only then would I allow myself to relax into sleep because I had prayed every night of my life for that. I wasn't going to miss one second of it by falling asleep before he turned over.

As I pondered these things, the new owners posted the picture of the snowy sidewalk out front and I suddenly had my answer. No. No, other than my beautiful neighbor's, and that great front porch with the trees and flowers....no. I have no regrets. I have great memories and those cost me nothing and no one can take them away.

❤️

“I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.”
2 Peter 1:13-15 NIV

This IS my job!

Thu, 10 Sep 2015 01:30:47 -0600

I wasn't in Colorado 15 minutes this summer till my oldest said, "When are you going to quit this ____ and come home and get a job?" Sigh. She's young. She doesn't get it. And, she misses me. She worries about me. She hates that I'm missing so much of my grandchildren's lives. I understand. I miss them, too. And, truth be told, it's a little harder being away from them after spending so much time with them this summer. Part of that is travel-lag. I've been laying really low the last couple of days resting up. I'll be getting busier soon. The Sternwheeler Festival is this weekend. Country Living Fair is next weekend. I will probably go visit family the weekend after that and the first week of October is the Myrtle Beach trip. I have an appointment to get the truck checked. Another for some work on the trailer. So it's going to be busy again soon. Laying low is a good thing.

But, this thing about a job keeps hovering in the back of my mind. Oh, don't get me wrong...I don't really want one of those dreadful 9 to 5 things that I suffered through all those years. But supporting the lifestyle to which I would like to be accustomed is never far from my thoughts. In the coming weeks, I'm going to go through stuff...again...and weed out the unnecessary extras. Then I'm going to figure out a way to set up my tools and start making some jewelry. That always brings in some extra cash. I'm an entrepreneurial spirit. I have some really great ideas. I just have to make them happen. I will keep you apprised of my progress.

❤️

"Then Micah said to him, “Live with me and be my father and priest, and I’ll give you ten shekels of silver a year, your clothes and your food.”
Judges 17:10

Tiny House Jamboree

Sun, 09 Aug 2015 01:30:57 -0600

I've been following the tiny house movement for years. This weekend, I joined 15,000 other enthusiasts (including Susie, one of our fellow Marshmallow Ranchers) in Colorado Springs for the Tiny House Jamboree. I met some pretty neat people...like Scout, who teaches women how to build their own tiny homes. Interestingly, I left with mixed feelings. There weren't many of these little lovelies displayed that I would live in, which really surprised, and dismayed, me. Part of it could have been the fact you had to stand in line for half an hour in the hot sun to get a quick 60 second look inside one so I really couldn't sit and get a feel for the space. The one that I have absolutely coveted all these years made me claustrophobic just walking in the door. The doors were extremely narrow which didn't help with that Alice in Wonderland feeling of being too large for your space. That being said, I wasn't totally put off by having one of these babies of my own. I'd just have to design it myself so that it suits me. I could see having one of these in Colorado so when I come visit, I wouldn't have to lug TOW-Wanda across the country.

It was really fun meeting Susie. She came on board when the guest blog post came out on the Tiny House Blog. If the people I have met in person through Marshmallow Ranch are any indication, you all are an awesome group! We walked all over the Jamboree, went to lunch at a tea room, and visited her gorgeous home in the hills surrounding Monument. We found we have so many things in common, which I hazard to guess would be the case with most of us Ranchers. I've certainly found my tribe.

❤

TOW-Wanda Grande

Tue, 14 Jul 2015 01:30:00 -0600

I've had the big trailer for 9 months now. She's 29'5" from the hitch to the spare tire on the back. That's long when you're used to 16'. Add the truck and I'm a good 42' long with a topper and a kayak. I'm definitely haulin'!

This life isn't for everybody. I've had women drop their jaw when they learn I live full time in this thing. Most men want to give me a high five. I tried explaining to someone how I don't like sleeping inside houses now because they make me feel claustrophobic. It's not the SIZE…it's the idea of being cooped up in one spot. I feel sorry for people whose views never change. They don't know the joy of taking off on vacation and packing everything you own. You literally have everything you need right behind you. I love traveling and pulling over at lunch time to fix something to eat, stretching out for a little siesta, then heading back out on the open road.

I am a vagabond. A meanderer. I live a bohemian life. But I am a realist. There are a few drawbacks to living like this. Gas isn't cheap so if you can spend long stretches of time in one spot it sure helps the budget. This reduces the wear and tear on both your vehicle and your camper. There's not a ton of storage so I have a rule…if something comes in, something else has to go out. The sinks and countertops and stovetop are lower than those in a conventional sticks and bricks home and believe it or not, that discourages me from cooking sometimes. It's just awkward. The wastewater tanks have to be emptied when you're dry docked, as I am a good portion of the time. That means hooking this monstrosity up and hauling it across town to the nearest RV dump. And, because it's so big and hooking up is such a chore, I am far less likely to take off and go on a spontaneous adventure.

That being said…it's mine. I own it, lock stock and memory foam mattress and the security of that alone makes everything else worthwhile. Yes, I love my life…my little house on wheels.

God Bless this Trailer Home!

❤

"By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God."
Hebrews 11:9-10

Tent City

Sat, 30 May 2015 01:30:00 -0600

This is amazing. Every day more people come and squeeze into any available space in the campground. I've never seen anything like it! I hope to get a panoramic view of the field tomorrow. Thank GOD it hasn't rained. This field isn't referred to as "Mudville" for nothing! We were brilliant…we selected the family camping area so it is really quiet. At least it is right now because the late show is still going on.

I'm sitting outside my "home" as I write this. I'm trying to imagine. What if this was how we all HAD to live? Crammed together in a field. People living in makeshift tents, screen rooms, old buses and vans. Large, energy guzzling RVs and travel trailers like mine. What if this was our real home? Water and food would soon become an issue. As would sanitation. Rains would turn this lovely new-mown hay field into a boggy quagmire. Tempers would soon flair. The sense of peace and love and community created by the joint intention of the gathering would soon be lost…given away to fear and greed and envy. Fight or flight. You see it in third world countries every day. I experienced it in the jungles of Mexico many years ago.

As I'm sitting here, I look at my "home" and I'm filled with humble gratitude. I am positively affluent! I have a clean, safe place to live. I am free to live wherever I choose. I am so very grateful for everything God has blessed me with. Truly.

❤

"Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy."
Psalm 47:1

Live the Life

Thu, 28 May 2015 01:30:00 -0600

Well, the sun has set on this chapter of my Grand Adventure. For those of you who are relatively new, here's a recap. Husband died, sold the house, bought a trailer, gave everything away, moved to West Virginia to take care of Aunt, didn't work out, house sat for six weeks, lived in my camper on the banks of the Ohio River during the worst winter WV has seen in many years (without running water!), listened to tons of live music, renewed friendships and made lots of new ones, bought a bike and a kayak, downsized even more, and now I'm heading for the Nelsonville Music Festival then back to Colorado for the summer. Whew…I'm exhausted just thinking about it!

This was an expensive lesson I learned here. I paid to move things here. If I would have known the time with my aunt was going to be so short, I would have done things differently. I think the biggest take away is to never make assumptions. Always communicate your needs and desires clearly and listen to the spoken and unspoken words of others. Don't put all your eggs in one basket…have a contingency plan. Forgive. Nurture relationships. Appreciate your surroundings. Pray…a lot! And remember Who guides you through this wilderness.

I ran errands all day yesterday, but the most satisfying thing happened at dusk. I fit the last thing into the back of the pickup truck like the last piece of a puzzle. There's no more room…but I own nothing else so it really doesn't matter. To stand back and look at my handiwork was gratifying. To stand back and marvel that every single thing I own is resting on eight wheels was pretty humbling. Well, minus the items stored in my friend's basement but I'll be going through those in the fall and getting rid of more.

I did it! I simplified my life. Now, the only thing left is to LIVE it. Wanna come along???

❤

"My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content."
Psalm 131:1-2

And The Thunder Rolls

Tue, 12 May 2015 01:30:00 -0600

I love a good ol' West Virginia thunderstorm. And when you're on the river, the sound echoes up and down the valley. It's just so much cooler than CO storms. Maybe it's the altitude or the humidity. Whatever it is, I love it!

I spent yesterday going through the stuff I brought from the farm that I had stored in the shed here on the property. It was hotter than blue blazes. My time here is rapidly dwindling. In just over two weeks I head to Nelsonville for the music festival. I leave from there to head to Colorado. January and February crawled. They literally were 12 weeks long…EACH! April and May were an hour…combined! One of my sweetest friends is going to store a few things for me like my winter clothes and tires. And those dishes I can't part with. And one box of mementos. And that's it…I promise!

My schedule is filling up with social events, exercise gatherings, a quick trip to Columbus to get the recall work done on the camper, not to mention a few more trips out to the farm to get my stuff. I'm going to need a little R&R in there for a bike ride or two and at least one more paddle up the river on my kayak. Think I can get it all done by the 28th? ;-)

❤

"So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her."
Genesis 29:20

Good Vibes

Fri, 01 May 2015 01:30:00 -0600

I can always tell when my vibe is on the wrong frequency by who is coming into my life. I sincerely believe we attract the kind of energy we put out. I look at the people coming into my life lens and they invariably tell me where my brain is. When I'm in this really great space, I get these really great people who show up with cool energy that syncs with mine. When I'm off, or thinking negatively about someone or something, I can just about count on someone crotchety crossing my path. I mean, it's not always that way, but enough to see a pattern. Then there's days like today that make you scratch your head.

I went out to the farm to pick up a truckload of stuff to take to my cousin. My aunt was as sweet as pie. She was expecting company for lunch so she was in a happy, chatty mood. The last time I was there, she told me to take the stuff off the back porch because she had put my food out there. I assumed she meant the canned goods from the pantry that I had bought so I wasn't too concerned with it being there another week or so because my truck was full. Today, I took the stuff off the porch and put it in my truck but I didn't see any food. Then I noticed my cooler was heavy so I opened it and nearly died. When I moved away from the farm and came to town at Christmas, I had chicken salad and yogurt in the fridge. My aunt left it in the fridge till two weeks ago when she put it in my cooler out on the back porch…in 80 degree weather! OMGosh! I'm not sure what karma I'm playing out, but that was pretty gross.

I can't quite figure out if I'm dealing with dementia here or a just plain mean spirit. Either way, the results are the same and it's disheartening. I pray for her, I wish her well, and I hope she gets the help she needs sooner rather than later. And, I'm getting my stuff out as fast as I can. There is nothing else I can do for her at this point.

Addendum: I debated back and forth with myself for hours after writing this post. I wasn't sure I should talk about my elders in such a way. I'm not trying to garner sympathy either. I have family members who read my posts and I would never want to alienate them by speaking ill of my aunt. I love her. I truly do. This was just a really difficult situation for both of us. A friend if mine points out things might have been a little better had I arrived in spring instead of the onset of winter where we were thrust together in close quarters. I posit that one cannot truly know another when your only contact is as a guest on vacation. Whatever the reason, no matter the outcome, I mean no disrespect to my aunt or those who care about her.

❤

"Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory."
2 Timothy 2:10

Peace

Mon, 13 Apr 2015 01:30:00 -0600

What a beautiful weekend! Live music Friday night. This is a tradition I intend to keep up. Saturday morning was a trip to Athens to the local Farmer's Market. I got fresh farm eggs, sweet potatoes, a small rhubarb pie, and some really great artisanal pepper jack cheese. Yummmm! Afterwards, we went across town and rode our bikes for an hour (about 12 miles) on a beautiful path along the river. It meandered through the woods and farms. It felt so good to go out and pump my legs and feel the burn. To feel the wind across my face reminded me I'm indeed in my second childhood…that time when we aren't too old to play outside and we don't have to necessarily "mind".

It's the simplest things that bring a smile to my lips these days. After the ride, we joined a dozen or so others from the bike club and had lunch at a Mexican restaurant. I took a lovely nap when I got home and a friend of mine came up to the river to camp in her trailer parked here. Five of us gals got together at a local restaurant for dinner and laughed for a couple of hours. My friend came over to my camper for breakfast Sunday and I made pancakes. I think she's my first guest for a meal in my new "home". Unfortunately, I have so much stuff in my camper, I had to move things around in order to find a place to sit, but I'm making progress…slowly but surely.

Peace. It means different things at different stages in life. Finishing this downsizing project has created more chaos in my living space, but I know from experience that if I keep going, the reward will be a peaceful life. It's amazing how little storage space there is in here. My focus has been to create ways to store more stuff. I think I need to reshape that to be "how to get the stuff that I actually NEED down to what will fit." My friend and I were talking over breakfast. How many outfits do I really need? I lived all winter with what clothes fit in a small shirt closet and a suitcase. I didn't feel deprived and I was well dressed when I went out. It's hard to let go of perfectly good things. I was actually beginning to consider trading in this camper for one with more storage but that's ridiculous. Unfortunately, I have discovered the back of my truck doesn't stay dry during driving rainstorms. I'm going to have to have them seal it better because some things got really wet and ruined. I'm just glad I didn't have all my clothes hung back there. These are the bugs I'm working out. I just have to keep telling myself I'm still building this life…it's a work in progress. Peace.

❤

"for God is not a God of confusion but of peace…"
1 Corinthians 14:33

It's The Little Things

Wed, 08 Apr 2015 01:30:00 -0600

I have running water!!! Hallelujah! Honestly…I am one tough chick, but living without running water was beginning to wear on my sensibilities. I relied on the kindness of my friends to let me use their showers. I was a member of a gym for awhile in order to shower as long and as often as I wanted for $10 a month. AND…I could work out. Bonus! Some have wondered what I did about…ahem…a potty. I learned on a "girl camping" website to line the toilet with a heavy duty black plastic trash bag, open up an adult diaper and lay it in the bowl, and sprinkle with some of the blue tank deodorizer. You can go two or three days for liquids before gathering up the neck of the bag, giving it a good twist, and tying a knot. Solids must be disposed of right away. I know…gross. But, it's no different than disposable baby diapers. I used cloth diapers for both of my girls so three or four diapers in the landfill a week for 12-14 weeks is not unconscionable. Ok, I feel guilty about it but don't judge. I'm sacrificing here in other ways. I'm REALLY conserving water!

I joined the local running/walking club. I joined the runners. In typical Gemini fashion, I am already daydreaming about my first marathon. Yeah…like THAT'S gonna happen!!! Last night we were told by our really little coach (who wore a size 2!) that we were to walk 1/4, run 1/4, walk 1/4, run 1/4, then "cool down" with another 1/4 mile. We started running and the girl in front of me lasted around 50 feet before she started walking. I caught up with her and said, "You're my girl!" And we encouraged each other the rest of the way. It really was over before we knew it but I'm going to be sore today. Did I mention I hate to exercise? One of my friends has me out there walking in the park. I'm up to 3-3.5 miles. Another friend and I are going out to walk/bike/kayak. Did I mention how much I HATE to exercise??? Ahhh, well….use it or lose it, right?

You should see my camper! I have it totally torn apart trying to organize and put things in tubs to store either in the truck or under the bed. Storage is at a premium so if it doesn't do more than one thing, collapse into the size of a thimble or make my heart race with its beauty, it's out of there. Ruthless, ruthless, ruthless!!!

Slim pickin's at Marshmallow Ranch!

❤

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3:17 ESV

Learning to See

Mon, 30 Mar 2015 01:30:00 -0600

I got back Saturday afternoon from my little jaunt to the Paul Thorn concert. It was cold out so I just curled up and read, took a nap, and cooked pasta with vodka cream sauce for supper.

I went to church yesterday morning and the topic was…listening for God. Since that has been our topic lately, I'll expound a little. Pastor Pam discussed the story of Blind Bart…Bartamaeus from the book of Mark. Bart had been blind since birth. He didn't have a sign around his neck proclaiming his blindness. He didn't shout or stop everyone passing by to tell them he couldn't see. He didn't complain. He just sat…quietly waiting till the day his keen senses picked up a great Man in his presence. At that, Bartamaeus stood and shouted to the Lord for mercy. The entourage tried to quiet him but Bart raised his voice calling for mercy until Jesus stopped and healed him. The other day, someone posted here that she couldn't hear God over her fervent prayers. To which I might suggest being still and wait for God to come to you. God is polite and won't interrupt our prayers. More often than not, we have to sit beside the road and listen for His footsteps. The disciples walking with Jesus thought they knew what they were doing by shushing old Bart, but sometimes those who think they have all the answers are the most blind.

I have been thinking a lot about that last statement. "Sometimes those who think they have all the answers are the most blind." I've been riding on the "Downsizing Train" pretty heavy the last year. I have acted like I just discovered the cure for cancer and everyone needs to jump on with me and drink the Koolaid. A dear friend of mine called me on this and brought a different perspective. Sometimes women are forced to walk away from an unhealthy situation and leave everything behind. Economics can rob us of our possessions. I, myself, moved into tiny places after both of my divorces and I had very little. When something like that happens and you have to work your way back and earn every little thing in your home, they become precious reminders of strength, faith, survival, and hope. Downsizing and living tiny is not for everyone. Our paths are as myriad as the stars in the sky. My path has me clearing away what I feel clutters my life and makes it difficult for me to hear my heart beating. I honor your path as you honor mine. I didn't "see" how my words might be affecting some so God spoke to me through my friend. "Be still…listen." So, this is my prayer…"Lord, let me see."

❤

“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him. The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”
Mark 10:51

Abundance

Sun, 22 Mar 2015 01:30:00 -0600

My brother/friend, Greg, sent me this photo of his dinner the other night when we were chatting online. He is a worldly man and mentioned this meal would easily feed three people in some countries. Most Americans live with such abundance.

I've been thinking a lot about abundance lately. Drastically downsizing and living in a camper on a riverbank without running water through the coldest, snowiest winter West Virginia has seen in years has been an enlightening experience. It not only has taught me how little I need, it has shown me just how abundant my life has become. I live in the lap of luxury compared to many. It has made me grateful for the simplest pleasures…a hot bath, laundry facilities, good music, stimulating conversation. There is something primal going on here. My joy titer is on the rise.

I can't imagine going back to the way I was before. I can't imagine living in a building that costs enough to house 200 people. I can't imagine living in black and white again. I don't want the chains that are hidden inside affluence. When life turns into pure love…you become a butterfly.

❤

"I thank my God every time I remember you."
Philippians 1:3

There's a Mouse in the House!

Wed, 18 Mar 2015 01:30:00 -0600

No, not in TOW-Wanda, thank you, God! My friend Janet and I were sorting through boxes upstairs in the cellar house out at the farm on Monday. I had invested in a really powerful ultrasonic rodent repellant last fall. I was certain it would keep mice out of my boxes but there was evidence I was mistaken. I opened a dish pack and was about one third through it when a very large mouse jumped out straight at me! I almost wet my pants. Now, I am not afraid of mice per se but their erratic movements startle me.

I had made sure there was no food stored in these boxes because that would just ensure an infestation. I did find a bar of soap and some candles that had been nibbled on. Now, I can appreciate a good fur coat and that mouse was a fine example. Apparently soap and wax are good fur conditioners.

I was jumping all around trying to find something to trap this mouse. A saucepan certainly didn't work even though my attempts had Janet in stitches. Eventually, I told her to move out of the way, I tipped the box over, and the mouse made his escape. Unfortunately, he did not go through the open door so there is a chance our paths may cross again in the coming weeks.

❤

"Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth."
Proverbs 10:4

SPRING!!!

Mon, 16 Mar 2015 01:30:00 -0600

Ok, it's not OFFICIALLY spring yet, but the peepers came out this weekend and that's a sure sign we're on the right side of winter. I swear, I feel as though the governor called and stayed my execution…I couldn't be any more relieved that the warm days are here.

The weekend was filled with great music, wonderful friends, and good food. The weather was warm and sunny. Consequently, the river is cresting this morning. We didn't get the rain that was predicted so I think the flooding won't be quite as bad as they thought.

Last night I began to mentally prepare myself for the trip today to the farm for another load. I'll be heading there with a friend and I hope to get another truckload out. Some of these items are going to be hard to let go of so my mantra today is "JOY". Joy that I am lightening my load. Joy that I am trimming the sails. Joy that others will find use in my treasures. Joy in those items that will be given to family and friends as tokens of my affection. I will gauge what I keep by the amount of joy the item gives me.

I live a life of abundance with so little. I have more than I need in my camper and many of those items will also move on to new homes. I cannot imagine why I had a 3 bedroom house FULL of stuff. I can't fathom the three full closets of clothes I had. The linen closets filled with multiple sets of sheets and towels. Pots and pans of every size and variety. I lived my life buying two of everything so I'd still have one when the first one wore out or broke. I lived with a "can't live without it" mentality. What a waste. A waste of resources. A waste of time. A waste of life. I am so looking forward to each step towards cleaning and clearing away the clutter in my life. For every "thing" taken away leaves more room for living.

❤

"My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content."
Psalm 131:1-2

Living Large

Sun, 15 Mar 2015 01:30:00 -0600

Living large has such a different look now than it did even just a couple of years ago. I've been a single mother on welfare. I've been a doctor's wife. And I've been in a moderately affluent marriage where the most valuable currency was love and attention. Honey, trust me…a housekeeper is nice but I'll take the love and attention any day of the week over a new car every three years. Without question.

Now that I am on my own, I have learned to treat myself with that same tender loving care that Mr. Virgo lavished on me. And treating myself looks different as well. If something new comes in, something old goes out. There's a delicate balance. I've sold or given away 90% of my possessions and I'm fast approaching ridding myself of that extra 5%. Unless you have done this yourself, you have no idea how liberating it is. I'm a turtle. My house goes where I go. I owe no one a dime. This has allowed me to be free to go where the mood strikes. My biggest struggle at this point is keeping things tidy in such a small space. I have a tendency to make piles so organization is a new skill I'm practicing.

What are YOU doing to live a LARGE LIFE?

❤

"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
Psalm 90:12

Lightening the Load

Sat, 28 Feb 2015 02:30:00 -0600

I have spent a good portion of the last couple of days responding to some lovely comments here on The Ranch since my article was published. So many new readers have come to join us on this journey. One gentleman spoke of losing his lovely wife a few years ago. They had planned to sail up and down the eastern seaboard together in the boat of their dreams. When they found she was dying, they sold the boat. Then, a month before she passed, she picked out a new boat for him. One in which she knew he would be safe carrying out their life's dream. What really touched me was, when he has overwhelming feelings of grief, he sits in the back of the boat and watches the water go by, just as life does. I also find water comforting. I'm such a visual person. Water rushing by symbolizes cleansing, birth, hope, life. Water IS life. I can feel the strength pouring back into my soul now. In a little less than two weeks will be Mr. Virgo's second Angelversary. I'm trying it on, like last year's sweater, to see how it fits. I'll let you know.

One of the recurring themes in the posts the last couple of days is downsizing. The Boomers are retiring. We have enjoyed a level of affluence not available to most people in the generations before us. Our parents were born in, or shortly after, the Great Depression. Our grandparents taught them to keep everything because you did not know when it would be useful. So they clung to possessions, not just for sentiment, but out of fear of doing without. Fear ingrains behaviors like nothing else. Is it any wonder then that we live in houses stuffed to the rafters with everything imaginable?

Mr. Virgo came to me with literally not much more than a suitcase, a set of pots and pans, and a dog. He drove a beat up old Buick. He lived a simple lifestyle, intentionally. And, God rest his soul, he tried to get me to simplify mine. But I'm a Gemini! I NEED all my stuff! I'm an artist. I NEED all those supplies in all those genres because I don't know which one of me is going to show up in the studio! Will it be the pastel artist or the quilter, the soft doll sculptor or the smocker, the cross stitcher or the jeweler? It's crowded inside my head!

I resisted purging like the plague. I could think of a million things I would much rather do. But, let me tell you, I'm sorry I didn't do it when I had a partner to help me because doing it alone is brutal. I suggest you have that conversation with your significant other. With your children. What would they want your life to look like without them? What items would they want as an inheritance? Give it to them now. Let go of things. They're just things. They are anchors around your neck and they will drown you and rob you of freedom and peace.

Let's take a pledge. Tomorrow is a brand new month. We're heading into spring. Let's make a pledge to get rid of "one a day". One bag, one box…heck, one THING…every day for a month. In a month, you will have lost, at the very least, 31 items. Maybe even 31 BAGS or BOXES! Your life can look a whole lot different in one month. Go to the store today and buy a box of heavy duty trash bags and leave them someplace where you will stumble over them every day. We can DO this!

❤

"Lift up your eyes and look around; all your children gather and come to you. As surely as I live,” declares the Lord, “you will wear them all as ornaments; you will put them on, like a bride."
Isaiah 49:18

Mobile Storage

Wed, 25 Feb 2015 02:30:00 -0600

When I picked out my camper for use as my tiny home on wheels, I was towing with a Ford Expedition. I had to work within a weight limit and that subsequently limited my choices among the trailers I had to choose from at my local RV dealer. I was determined to buy local to support our economy. Ultimately, I purchased a 2015 Starcraft Launch Ultra Lite 24RLS (rear living space). I knew from the get go that storage space was minimal but I was also determined to downsize in order to fit.

The best laid plans. For those of you who have been following along, you saw what I went through whittling away at my possessions. It was pretty grim. I finally pared a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath home down to 25 boxes and called it good. I shipped those boxes cross country to my grandparents' farm with the full intention of living there and caring for an elderly aunt to keep her out of a nursing home. That scenario just didn't pan out and now I'm left with the decision of what to do with those 25 boxes of stuff that I was convinced I couldn't live without just 5 months ago. They cannot stay at the farm, I cannot carry them in my camper, and I don't have a place to ship them even if I wanted to.

These are the special things. The boxes of photos have been scanned into an external hard drive with back up on a second external hard drive and the originals distributed to the families of the subjects. There is a boatload of clothes that can certainly be weeded through easily enough and donated. There are three sets of dishes that Mr. Virgo gave me. I want to keep them in the family so they need to go back to CO with me. There are some tools and jewelry making supplies that I need for the studio I'm going to build on board. But, as I said…storage space is at a premium.

I have to get creative and think outside of the box. Or, in this case, inside of it. When I envisioned the perfect storage space, I pictured a place where I can safely hang some clothes and store some boxes. It needs to be clean, dust free, and dry. It needs to be accessible at a moment's notice. When you're mobile, how does that work? The light bulb came on…I needed a topper for my truck. I stopped at a local auto shop and picked out a Leer topper. I had a Thule rack put on top in case I decide to take that canoe my ex has offered me. It can also carry a rack for extra cargo hauling if I need it. I had the truck bed lined with carpet to keep things clean and tidy. I had a 12v outlet put in for powering accessories while camping. I had two clothing rods installed in the roof down the driver's side to carry coats and extra clothes. It all locks up tight, the windows are tinted to keep window browsing at a minimum, and they open for ventilation. If I want to, I can throw a mattress in the bed of the truck and go camping off grid.

This wasn't the cheapest solution I could find but in the long run, it is the most practical. A rolling walk-in closet big enough to carry those items that I truly find useful, beautiful, and loved.

❤

"For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your ancestors…"
1 Peter 1:18 NIV

Perseverance

Sat, 07 Feb 2015 02:30:00 -0600

You have NO idea how hard it is for me to stick to a tedious job and see it through to the bitter end. I swear, I'd rather have a root canal than scan nearly 2000 pictures, letters, and other assorted documents onto an external hard drive. Seriously. I can think of a million other things I would rather be doing than slogging through this. So, how am I managing to get it done? I'm playing mind games with myself. I tell myself "Hey, you can sit down here for an hour and get some of this out of the way. You can do anything for an hour." Then once I negotiate that hour commitment with myself, it's easier to keep going. I'm watching the entire series of West Wing. I just started the 4th Season today! I have had to isolate myself, pretty much. I have been staying in during the day, staying off Facebook and the phone, for the most part. My friends must think I've fallen off the face of the earth. There's a reason this job has been on the back burner for 11 years. Once I get this part done, I can move on to the boxes out at the farm. That should go faster.

One of the treats for sitting so many hours is to see this room light up with the late afternoon sun. It's so cozy and warm. When I do the remodel in my camper, I want it to have a bohemian, shabby chic, Victorian, English country cottage kind of feel. A cross between Isabella Sparrow and Jessica McClintock. I've been gathering fun ideas on Pinterest. I've been taking pictures of color palettes I find pleasing. I'm studying the floor plans of TOW-Wanda. I'm thinking of redoing the entire bedroom area into a studio/office/showroom so I can work on the road. I can either convert the couch or the dinette in the slide out into a full time bed. I like the idea of the bed out there because there are more windows and I can sit propped in bed and gaze out at the countryside like I did in Little TOW-Wanda. I miss having air wash over me at night. I get claustrophobic in the bedroom. It's dark and there isn't a window on the front of this camper. Thinking of how I'll convert a boring, standard RV interior into something stunning helps me while away the hours getting this dreaded job done. Keeping up will be much easier once this part is complete. It will help me stay organized to scan things in as they come. Living in a small space necessitates strict organization and I am organizationally challenged, to say the least!

It was bitter cold here the last couple of days. In the low teens at night and it's a different kind of cold than in Colorado. Something to do with the humidity, I assume. Today is supposed to be warmer…up into the 40's, I believe. Perhaps I can get the last of the scanning completed and package everything up to ship by Monday. Then I can start on the boxes. There is light at the end of the tunnel. My reward will be a road trip to someplace warm!

❤

¹²Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
James 1:12 ESV

Messy

Tue, 20 Jan 2015 02:30:00 -0600

Oh, my. I went to the farm yesterday. How in the world, after spending the better part of SIX MONTHS going through stuff, selling stuff, sorting stuff, giving stuff away…how in the WORLD do I still have so much STUFF??? The entire upstairs of the cellar house is full of boxes. I have stuff in the basement of the house. I have stuff upstairs. I have stuff in the kitchen. I have stuff in the barn. I started on the back porch. I still had a box of kitchen stuff out there that the cats had taken to sleeping on. I fished out my silverware, washed it, and put it in a drawer in the trailer. The rest goes to Goodwill. Then I loaded up two huge tubs of birdseed. (I bought so much because I thought I was going to be at the farm longer than two months.) I loaded it up to take to my cousin. I fished out three boxes from the cellar house and that was all that fit in the cab of my truck. At this rate, I should have everything out of there by 2019!

Why is it SO hard to get rid of "stuff"? I know I feel better every time I get rid of another carload. I think part of it is, I'd rather have a root canal than take the time to sort, clean, and organize. It sets my teeth on edge. It's decidedly unnatural because I am a Gemini. I like stuff! And lots of it! That way, no matter where my little scattered twin-brain takes me, I have something to occupy it with. An art supply. A project. A sparkly. A book. I have, sitting in my hand as I type this, a tablet that allows me access to any book, any picture, any inane bit of trivia I could possibly dream of…in the blink of an eye. Tell me why I am carting around three tubs of reference books like I'm protecting the Holy Grail? It's absolutely insane!

I need to shift my focus. I have so much emotional attachment to my stuff. I treasure it. It's ok to have treasures. The lock of Mr. Virgo's hair in my red leather box, for instance. But, a box full of tchotchkes that I have paid perfectly good money to have moved no less than EIGHT times??? Crazy! My heart is not in the right place. It is focused on trivia…possessions that do not serve me. Especially not at this point in my life. So, I continue to practice letting go. It's a daily ritual now. Let go. Rest. Catch my breath. Let go of more. It really IS good. It really ISN'T easy.

❤

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Matthew 6:21

Preparations

Fri, 16 Jan 2015 02:30:00 -0600

I'm getting itchy feet! Cabin fever! Wanderlust! I do SO love to travel. Since I have changed my whole long term plan, I have begun preparing for the next step. My camper is my home, and there is very little storage in it, actually. Several cabinets, of course. Four drawers…and the large space under the bed. But there are only two small shirt closets and nowhere to hang coats. There's also the issue of my tools, 4 extra tires, and a couple sets of dishes that I refuse to part with so storing these items securely without taking up all my valuable storage space in the camper is a priority. I have the super crew cab and the back seats fold up to create a good deal of storage but I like to reserve that space for items I need quick access to while traveling. It occurred to me the truck bed is a large wasted space because I can't really haul anything back there. My stuff would be exposed to the elements and wouldn't be secure. I solved that by ordering a good quality truck cap this week. There are several accessories you can get. I ordered a double clothes hanging bar to be installed down the driver's side so I can hang my coats and extra clothes in there. I also ordered the roof rack and a carpet bed liner. Now it will be very much the storage closet I am in need of. Perfect!

I went out to dinner with a friend the other night. We were talking about this situation with my aunt. Sometimes you gain great insight when you have someone to whom you can vent. I have had people treat me badly in the past. I've had people be downright mean to me. So why is this hurting me more than the others? It's because one does not expect their own family members to be mean. At least I don't. That doesn't count the angst you go through in a divorce, of course. Maybe it's because my feelings are still hypersensitive from grief, but yesterday I finally put a name to it. I'm feeling betrayed because I trusted in the strength of a perceived family bond. It has not been pleasant, to say the least. But it has been an excellent learning and personal growth experience. I won't trust any less. But I will use my discernment to determine better who I spend my life energy on.

A reader responded to yesterday's post with a suggestion that was perfect. She said she has learned to say "No"…but she's also learned to say "I'll think about that and get back to you." Where did we get the idea we HAVE to give someone an instant yes or no answer? I've said before, I don't think fast on my feet and I can relate countless scenarios where, after a time of consideration, I've thought of a much better answer than the one I gave. I've said yes to things I did not want to do then resented it when the time came and I felt I had to fulfill a promise made. I keep a journal. I'm going to start writing in my journal…first sentence…every night. "I'll have to get back to you on that." Maybe after awhile, it will actually come to mind in the moment.

I finished scanning the first box of photos/documents yesterday so I'm feeling quite a sense of accomplishment. Onward and upward!

❤

The "Social" Media

Wed, 14 Jan 2015 02:30:00 -0600

I have a group of girlfriends from my high school class that have connected in a big way here on Facebook. It started by sending a private message to multiple recipients and it has taken on a life of its own. A few of us knew each other well in school, but there are several who were only names and faces in a yearbook until a year or two ago. We have bonded. We share each other's joys and sorrows. We support and encourage each other. If we haven't seen one of our number online for awhile, we send out the "search party" and start making phone calls. We get together once a month for coffee and we laugh and laugh. We are the "Sisters of St. Starbucks".

One of our members actually tried to GIVE UP FACEBOOK as her New Year's Resolution. Yeah, right…like THAT was going to happen! I mean, I'm the first to admit it's very easy to fall down the rabbit hole and find I've burned up the day or half the night talking to those my elderly aunt mockingly referred to as my "pretend friends". She doesn't get it. I can't imagine how sad and lonely my life would be without the connections I keep here, both on my personal page and on Marshmallow Ranch. Many of you write that you get your coffee and look up my post first thing every morning. To a writer, there is nothing that brings more joy than the confirmation that someone appreciates your work. And, just as you look forward to my writing, I equally look forward to checking in periodically during the day to read your responses and see how you're doing. I can tell I've hit the ball out of the park when a particular post is shared and commented on numerous times. (Like Christmas week when I hit an all-time high of over 358,000 readers! Wow!!!) As a matter of fact, the page continues to grow and reach more people because of that. FB has certain algorithms that dictate how many pages a post is delivered to based on the number of "likes" and "shares" it receives. Number aren't my bottom line though. Connecting with like minded individuals, recognizing the names of "regulars", and forming very real friendships that carry beyond the screen is an amazing bonus in my life and has gone a long, long way toward my healing after losing Mr. Virgo.

I'm toying with some ideas of ways to add another dynamic to my writing here, aside from the book that's in the works. In the 18th and 19th centuries, folks in Italy and France participated in "salons". An author, poet, artist, or some other public figure would join a smallish gathering of interested people to share readings, art, and ideas for the evening. I have a friend from high school who is a wonderful artist. She lives in Cincinnati and has a large art studio where we could meet. We've just touched on the thought of having a "Salon" to showcase her art and my writing and before I go too far with the planning, I'd like to gauge the interest of my readers. Is that something you would be interested in attending if I were to come to your area?

I'm going to be house sitting till the end of February. But as soon as I can get rid of the extra stuff stored at the farm and I can safely travel with TOW-Wanda Grande without the threat of snow, I can hit the road with my gypsy self. I just think this would be a lovely adjunct to my writing here and it would be such fun! Let me know what you think. I love your input!

❤

God Bless This Trailer Home

Wed, 12 Nov 2014 02:30:05 -0600

Look what came in the mail! Oh, my gosh…is this the cutest thing or what? Thank you, thank you, thank you Miss Vicky. You are the awesomest. Yesterday was the “Remembrance Day” for Vicky’s husband. He died 11/11 at 11am. She is a dear friend and my heart was so sad for her. RIP Rob… <3

I’m another step closer to making my jewelry again. Some of you may not know my storage unit in Colorado was robbed before I moved here and my entire art studio and two footlockers full of power tools were stolen. I still have to settle with the insurance company but I needed to replace the main items so I could get some jewelry made. So, I went to Lowe’s to get what I need. I taught myself to make jewelry out of old silverware by trial and error. I came to find out there were easier ways of doing some things, but I couldn’t justify buying different tools. Since this is “starting out fresh”, I bought the perfect tools that will make my life easier. Can’t wait to get a studio set up and get to work!

I stayed with a friend in town last night because we are going out to lunch today. As I write this at midnight, it has just begun to rain. Yesterday was glorious in the 70’s. The weather will start changing now and we could see snow by the weekend. Ick!

The Well-Seasoned Skillet

Thu, 30 Oct 2014 01:30:29 -0600

“A well-seasoned skillet is a joy to behold!”

When I was growing up, my grandma filled her skillets with soapy water and set them to simmer on the stove while we did the dishes so that’s how I thought you were supposed to wash them. I gave up on cast iron cooking a long time ago because my pans were always rusty and pitted. Then Mr. Virgo, the trained chef, came along and taught me how to turn an old rusty iron skillet into a thing of beauty. There are two rules….season the pan correctly and NEVER let it anywhere near water!

This skillet is one I bought at a second hand or antique store…I can’t remember where or when. Mr. Virgo loved fried chicken and this was nice and deep…perfect for frying. It was a gosh-awful mess when I brought it home. I followed his directions. First, I had to get the rust out. Using fine steel wool, I rubbed the pan till it was clean, bare metal. (If it’s more rust than this can handle, you might have to take it to a machine shop and have it sandblasted.) Now, this is the only time it’s ok to get this thing wet. Wash the skillet thoroughly with warm water and mild dish soap and scrub it really well with a bristle brush or a plastic scrubby. Dry the skillet immediately and swipe it all over with a thin coating of vegetable oil. Don’t use too much or your coating will be sticky. Pop your skillet upside down on the top rack of your oven. (You can put a cookie sheet or foil on the rack below in case you get any oil drips.) Heat the skillet for an hour at 350 degrees. At the end of the hour, turn off your oven, leave it closed, and take your skillet out in the morning when it’s cool.

This skillet has a perfect season on it. I never, ever wash it. I baked corn bread in it yesterday to go with the soup beans and smoked ham hocks. While I was mixing up my batter, I had the skillet in a 400 degree oven with a couple tablespoons of bacon grease. By the time the batter was made, and rested for a few minutes to raise a bit, the skillet was hot. I poured the batter in. It should sizzle slightly but not put up a huge fuss. Bake as per directions watching closely because dark pans cook a bit faster. You do need to run a spatula under your cornbread before you tip it out on a plate or cake rack because the center will want to stick. Don’t cut your cornbread while it’s in the skillet unless you use Teflon utensils. You don’t want to scratch that pretty surface. Before you take your crispy crusted, golden cornbread to the table, use a nonstick spatula and scrape anything adhering to the surface. Remember, NO WATER. Once supper is over, use a paper towel to scrub the inside of your skillet. If it doesn’t want to come clean, use oil on the paper towel. If you’ve seasoned it right, it should come clean with just a wipe down. Store your skillets with paper towels or newspaper between them if you have to stack them. Store them in a clean, DRY cupboard. And, don’t worry…if rust shows up, you can always season it again.

Iron cookware is often handed down through the generations. I have my mom’s, one of my grandma’s, and some of my own I have collected along the way. This one is by far my favorite. Oh, a word of caution…some people say it’s ok to cook acidic foods like spaghetti sauce in a very well seasoned skillet, but my rule of thumb is to never let tomatoes anywhere near my cast iron. The acid can strip the seasoning and give the food a funky, metallic taste.

So, there you have the tutorial on the well-seasoned skillet. Treat your cast iron well and it will serve for generations to come. Old cast iron is collectible, but only if it has been well cared for. Now, I’ll tell you a story. (You knew THAT was coming, didn’t you?)

My mom came home to the farm for the weekend when she was a young, single, working woman. My Uncle Sonny had been out “frog giggin’” the night before and was about to fry himself up a big pan of frog legs. Mom had never seen the process, and while she was revolted by the idea of devouring amphibian appendages, her curiosity got the better of her. She came into the kitchen just as my uncle dropped said frog legs into the iron skillet. Well, the legs started jumping and jerking with the heat and my Mom screamed, grabbed the skillet, ran out the door, and threw the whole mess in the creek…then sat down and cried. Uncle Sonny was mad at first to lose his hard earned delicacies, but he couldn’t help laughing at my poor mom, which upset her even further. Finally, Grandma came outside to see what all the ruckus was about. Uncle Sonny told her what Mom did and Grandma made her go down over the creek bank and fetch back her good iron skillet, which made Uncle Sonny laugh harder, and made Mom mad. But she went and got it, and as far as I know, refused to ever, knowingly, eat anything from that skillet…ever again! <3

One State Away!!!

Thu, 16 Oct 2014 01:30:33 -0600

“One State Away!!!”

It’s hard to see on that sign, but it says OHIO. And what’s after Ohio???? Why, WV, of course!!!

I was so proud of myself yesterday morning. I got the truck backed up and it didn’t take more than 2 or 3 tries to get it lined up with the hitch. I had the trailer hooked up in no time!!!

I arrived at my friend’s house at noon, just north of Dayton. Cindy and I met in 1974. We were Air Force wives, young and newly married. I was pregnant with my first and Cindy organized a baby shower for me. She contacted my family back home and had them send me presents. When we sat down to open gifts, she made sure I opened my family’s gifts first and when I saw the tags, I just cried. It was so touching and indicative of the kind, caring friend she has turned out to be over the last 40 years. We were remarking last evening how military friendships are deeper than most. When you are stationed so far away from home, you make your friends your family. What a treat it is to see her. I’m amazed…neither one of us have changed a bit!

Today I head to an RV dealer to get the trailer checked for that leak and have it winterized. Then I’ll have one more camp out night before I head to WV. I don’t want to be driving out in the country after dark in this rig. OMGosh! I’m almost there!!! <3

The Other Half

Mon, 13 Oct 2014 01:30:12 -0600

“Map of Missouri”

I stayed in Columbia, MO Saturday night at Cottonwood Landing RV Park. It was clean and the people were friendly but the trailers were pretty much crammed together like sardines in a can. I love trailer people though. They are always so nice and watch out for each other. The couple next to me that night were from New Mexico. They had been summering in the Adirondacks and were on their way home. As soon as people find out I’m traveling alone, their parental instincts come out and they always tell me to let them know if I need anything. I have never once felt threatened or uneasy when I’m parked next to one of the big rigs….motor homes that cost ten times the value of a house. You can just about bet there’s a woman and a gun in one of them.

The days are running together. I certainly haven’t been pushing myself at all to get across the country but I’m well into the other half of my trip now. Lots of rain and I’ve been warned severe weather is ahead so I’m keeping an eye out. I did take on some water again last night but not as bad as the first time. I’m glad I made the appointment to get it checked at a dealer this week. Crossing the Mississippi River yesterday was pretty cool! <3

Sisters in Kansas

Sun, 12 Oct 2014 01:30:44 -0600

“Sisters on the Fly in Kansas”

Sisters on the Fly

My dear friend Carol (second from left) and me (far right) met up with two more Sisters for coffee at Panera this morning in Topeka. Anywhere you go, you can just about guarantee you're going to have a Sister, in the truest sense of the word, within a short drive of you. I cannot tell you how much this organization has been a gift to me in the last year and a half. If you have the opportunity, I really would encourage you to join. It's so empowering!

I settled in my next camp before the sun set. Had a nice dinner, met the “next door neighbors”, and enjoyed catching up with friends and family with the events of the day. I’m telling you, this is a special life I’m living here!

Dancing in the Rain

Fri, 10 Oct 2014 01:30:11 -0600

“Dancing in the Rain!”

Well, ok…not literally. But I dance in my head. My brain is set to “Be Happy!” just about all the time. Until about 6:30 last night. I was preparing to take a shower when I noticed water standing on the floor in the bathroom. I followed it and found I have a big leak somewhere in the front driver’s side of the trailer. It rained SO hard here yesterday afternoon. It was really impressive. I think it’s either the seal around the door to the pass through under my bed or where the trim meets the body. I really don’t think it’s coming from the roof. I never had one bit of trouble with little TOW-Wanda. This is frustrating but it’s nothing that can’t be fixed with seals or caulk. I’m seriously considering making a stop at the Starcraft factory in Elkhart, Indiana on my way cross country!

I am so excited for today! In the early days of Marshmallow Ranch, one of my readers and I struck up a conversation about loss and living a juicy life. She really wanted to do what I was doing in TOW-Wanda but lacked the confidence to do so. After awhile she decided if I could do it, so could she so she bought a trailer and joined Sisters on the Fly. I’m SO proud of her! I get to meet her today and tomorrow there is a meet and greet with some fellow Sisters on the Fly! I can’t wait! <3

Kansas!

Thu, 09 Oct 2014 01:30:35 -0600

“The Flatlands…Kansas”

“Kansas” is the Sioux word for “flat”! Flat, flat, flat! Kansas excels at flatness. It gets an A+ in flat! But, dang….you sure can see a long ways off. It has it’s own beauty. I saw gorgeous fields of wheat and sunflowers yesterday. Large feedlots full of fat cattle. Grain silos, farmers harvesting crops. Winter wheat a new green against the brown harvest. Thank you, Kansas…for working hard to fill our bellies!

And...I'm off!!!!!!!

Wed, 08 Oct 2014 01:30:44 -0600

“On the road with TOW-Wanda Grande!”

I can’t believe this day is here! I’m taking my time crossing the country this time. One of my Sisters on the Fly friends told me to pay the $50/day storage fee for my stuff when it gets to WV and take an extra week coming across. Good advice, Lisa!

My mom died ten years ago and I made three round trips between CO and WV that year…by myself. I also brought my brother to CO from WV via Disney World! I came cross country the last time with a 17’ U-Haul towing my Toyota on a car hauler. I slept in the cab of that truck! This is total luxury having my house with me.

I’ll keep you up to date on my travels but I won’t divulge specific locations real time for safety reasons. (You’re welcome, Patty et al!). <3

Perspective

Wed, 08 Oct 2014 01:30:09 -0600

“My new truck! FREE-DA!”

The night before I left on my Really Big Grand Adventure, I was so excited I couldn’t sleep. I was browsing through photos. That is how most of my posts are born. This photo was taken this past Monday. I traded in my Expedition for this uber awesome pickup. Every woman should own at least one pickup in her life!

As I looked at my smiling face, I noticed my old car sitting in the background and I remembered…I bought that car 5 days before Mr. Virgo died. I bought it because we were going to buy a travel trailer (very much like TOW-Wanda Grande) and have some fun. Our last car ride together was spent holding hands in that car and planning our future. And now the car is gone. Poof! Just like that. And here’s the good part…that thought never crossed my mind when I went to trade it in. It was merely an asset…something of value to bring down the price of the new vehicle. Healing! Healing is an awesome thing!

I stayed yesterday morning till the kids left for school. My non-hugger, quiet one came and hugged me three times. The strong, silent type. The little one had to be peeled off me but she didn’t cry…she just asked me to FaceTime with her…often! I didn’t cry either. Too incredibly excited!!!

I drove a good long day. I stopped in Aurora at the awesome Bass Pro Shop and bought a GPS unit before I got out of town. I need someone to tell me WAY in advance where to turn and what lane to be in. Garmin to the rescue! I made it halfway to where I stopped for the night and fixed lunch at a rest area. Then I laid down for a power nap that lasted two hours! It is SO cool to have your house with you…it’s like a really BIG purse!!! I got to the RV park before dark and emptied my black water tank for the first time. It was NOT the big ordeal I thought it was going to be, thank goodness!

I cooked a couple of scrambled eggs with turkey sausage crumbles for dinner. I went to the door to “flip” it over and promptly dropped half in the dirt in front of the steps! lol Ah, well…I guess I’m officially on that diet now! ;-)

My first day as a “full timer”. Pretty darned neat! Thanking God for safe travels. Asking for better gas mileage! <3

The Hazards of Packing

Mon, 06 Oct 2014 01:30:37 -0600

“I packed all my winter clothes!”

If you remember correctly, my first contract on the house was to close on 9/11. I, in my ever positive, enthusiastic, optimistic way was absolutely convinced that would happen so, what did I do? Why, I packed all my winter clothes and shipped them off to WV, of course! And then the whole deal fell apart and we didn’t close till the 24th. Well…that’s cool. I’d still get to WV in plenty of time before I needed winter clothes, right? Ummmm…not so much. I drove to Denver last Wednesday in the snow, wearing the only winter clothes I had left…a sweater, a pair of leggings, and my black cowgirl boots. Chic, for sure, but not very practical. So, I stopped at the factory outlet stores on my way through Silverthorne and just picked up a few things. At least now there’s a little variety.

I took my second father-in- law out for breakfast yesterday. Bernie is a total hoot. He will be 90 in December and he really wants me to come back for his birthday party so I suppose I’ll be back in CO then. He has no governor between his brain and his mouth and he’s extremely hard of hearing. This made for some interesting general announcements to the entire restaurant regarding certain bodily functions. Like I said, Bernie’s a hoot! ;-)

I came back from Denver yesterday and it was a gorgeous drive. There’s still plenty of color on the aspens and it was a blue blaster day. I visited my brother and some friends and went to soak in the hot springs pool for the last time for awhile. I had dinner with my former neighbors. Then I came over to my brother-friend’s house. I gave him the painting I did for him and then I sat and listened to him practice the trombone for the upcoming symphony performance. He’s first chair…I’m so proud of him!

Greg and I were on the HOA Board together shortly after I bought my house in 2001. We were at a board meeting and they were setting up the schedule. I spoke up to say I would not be attending the next meeting because I’d be in WV. Greg looked at me funny and the meeting continued. He came up to me later to ask why I would be in WV. I explained I was born there and would be visiting family. Turns out, Greg and I were born at the same hospital, delivered by the same doctor, and his grandfather was superintendent of my school district when I was growing up! It is such a small world. We bonded immediately and he became my little brother for life. He’s always been there for me and I adore him. We will miss each other terribly. Greg is that friend you can call in the middle of the night. He once got up to come over and sit in the trailer with me till dawn because I couldn’t stand to sleep in my bed. He’s awesome!

I’m going to the local Ford dealership today to trade in the Expedition for an F-150 and then…hopefully…I can pick up my trailer. I’m ever hopeful…but this extra week has been perfect!

Love and Gratitude

Mon, 29 Sep 2014 01:30:01 -0600

“Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.”

I’ve been feeling particularly sentimental these last few days. Not in a “Maybe this isn’t the right thing to do” sort of way. More in a “OMGosh! I’ve been so incredibly blessed by God” sort of way. I have been surrounded by people who so obviously love me and that humbles me. I went to both services at church yesterday and my Pastor called me up to talk with him, to have me tell the congregation where I’m going and why, and to pray over me for my safekeeping. It was touching and the first time I’ve cried over leaving. I’m sure that I will cry next week when I have to leave my kids and grandkids but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. I spent the weekend with people I love deeply. I am so richly blessed to have them in my life and, even though I am excited for this adventure, I will miss them terribly.

Today is errands and tying up loose ends. The part should be ordered for the trailer this morning and overnighted to be installed tomorrow. The brake lights and turn signals also aren’t working so they need to check that out as well. Even though there are little things to attend to in the next couple of days, I have to tell you…it feels really weird to have NO huge projects looming. Well, other than driving cross country with “the behemoth” and emptying the U-Pack in WV and going through it all…AGAIN, and scanning all the photos and documents to an external hard drive, and writing my next book, and…. <3

A Full Heart

Sun, 28 Sep 2014 01:30:58 -0600

“Change”

Last night I gathered a few people around me to share some love. My sweet brother. My sister-in-law came in from Salt Lake. My second ex-husband and his darling wife were there. My neighbors on both sides joined in as well as one set of their parents. A friend from Sisters on the Fly. A friend whose company I enjoy greatly. All these wonderful people gathered to celebrate. We celebrated my brother’s 63rd birthday and my ex’s 60th. And we embraced and shared our love for each other as I prepare in the next few days to head for parts east. We didn’t say goodbye…we said “see ya soon”! Some will come to WV to see me. Some I will see the next time I’m here in Colorado. I pray I will see them all again. It was a beautiful day and my heart is full of love. <3

Breathe

Tue, 23 Sep 2014 01:30:38 -0600

“Inside the camper.”

You know it won’t go quite as you plan, right? It never does. I stopped in at the trailer place today, just to see how things are coming along. Good thing I did. Nothing has been done. My salesman was off but the owner was there. I went over the things that needed to be done pointing out that this needs to be ready in less than 24 hours because this is now my house. I went down the list and when I got to the weight distribution hitch, he said “Well, you DO have the weight distribution receiver on your Ford, right?” I told him I didn’t think so. He said his shop was booked out two weeks in advance and he wasn’t sure he was going to be able to do this but sure wished he could. Excuse me? I’m about to drop some serious coin in your lap but you’re not sure you can accommodate me??? Oh, I’m going to have to kick butt and take names today. Because, as you know…nothing goes quite like you plan. My plan was to close, buy the trailer, then get back to the house and load up. Not gonna happen. I’m going today to rent a U-Haul, load my boxes in it and park it across the street, then switch it to the trailer when that part is done. Breathe. Just breathe.

Condensation

Mon, 22 Sep 2014 01:30:59 -0600

“Downsizing”

Sixty-one years have been condensed down into what you see here…half of which are photos and ephemera from the family archives. Had I spent the last three winters scanning documents and pictures, my load would be lighter. My biggest accomplishments were whittling down my massive collection of books to one Rubbermaid tub and getting kitchen essentials down to two dishpacks. I feel good about what I have kept, although I am pretty sure as I live in my trailer for awhile, I’ll get rid of more. This has been the singular most liberating thing I have done in my life. I am pared down to only those things I love and that are useful to me. I am amazed sitting here on the step of the landing, looking at my empty house, and I am genuinely so excited I’m giddy! I will never have to be a slave to a box again. Fourteen years ago I was scared to death at the thought of not owning my own home. I was newly separated after having been a doctor’s wife for 21 years. I was pretty “advantaged”. I have grown so much in those fourteen years but It’s the lessons I’ve learned in the last year and a half that will get me through. Life is so amazing and big and full and juicy!!! <3

Donuts!

Sat, 20 Sep 2014 01:30:47 -0600

“I hate when I think I’m buying organic vegetables and when I get home I discover they’re just regular donuts.”

I need the donut fairy to go to SWEET COLORADOUGH to buy me sweets and a latte!

Got tons done yesterday: two more trips to the thrift store, organized boxes, two people came to get their furniture, the switch broke on the washer. I’m not fixing it but part of the agreement is working appliances so I have to give the buyers a credit at closing. At this point, I don’t care. I just want to experience the events in the moment then let them go.

There have been some darling name suggestions for the new trailer. Keep them coming in! Cutoff is tomorrow at 8pm Mountain Time. The winner will be announced Wednesday morning and will receive a dozen Cowboy Cookies from Buffalo Baking Co.!!!They are the best!

I’m tucked into TOW-Wanda. I’m on the curb in front of the house I bought shortly after separating from hubby #2. That was 14 years ago. A lot has happened in those 14 years. I experienced a lot in this house. The pain of rejection. The adventures of being a single mom. The joy of falling in love. The security of a solid marriage. The pain of losing Mr. Virgo. I had such hopes for this house. But, in the end, it is merely nails and boards. It cannot give me peace. It cannot give me happiness or security. I can only received those things within. I personally receive those things from God.

Still, there are memories and they are attached to this house. I cannot look at the front porch without seeing Mr. Virgo standing there seeing me off to work on his days off…holding his cup of coffee and raising his hand saying “I love you” in sign language. There’s the handprints my daughter and I put in the driveway when she was 11. I have to remind myself it is too big. It wouldn’t be paid for till I’m 89. I am, without a doubt, doing the right thing.

Everything should be out of the house by tomorrow night and I will be left with boxes in the garage. I will spend Monday and Tuesday cleaning and deciding if there’s still stuff to get rid of. Wednesday morning the carpet cleaners come, the final walk through is at noon, and the closing is at 1. I then run to the bank, go pick up the new trailer, and meet my church group back here at 4:30 to load up. It’s almost here but for right now, I’m snuggled up in TOW-Wanda, on the curb, watching Orion rise in the east, listening to crickets and the distant hum of tires on the freeway. It’s a beautiful time. <3

Indoors

Fri, 19 Sep 2014 01:30:52 -0600

“Inside the big trailer.”

Here are three pictures of the interior of the new trailer. Honestly, this feels like a mansion after living in 16’ all summer! I love the kitchen. It has a three burner stove with an oven, an 8 cu ft fridge, microwave, sleeps six comfortably.

Remember, we’re having a “Name the Trailer” contest. You have till Sunday evening to submit your ideas and the winner will be announced on Wednesday morning, the day of the closing on my house. And the day i pick up the trailer. The winner gets a dozen Cowboy Cookies from Buffalo Baking Co.!!!!

When it Rains, it Pours!!!

Wed, 17 Sep 2014 01:30:23 -0600

“When it rains, it pours!”

Ok, kids….after sitting around for months, after having the ups and downs of contract/no contract/contract, after coming back with requests for a new water heater and money off for other repairs (which I refused)…the buyers have not only agreed to everything, but now they want to move the closing up from 10/8 to 9/24!!!! That’s, like….a week from today!!! Holy cats!!!! Soooooo….I’m not sure I’m going to be on here much in the next few days. I’m really, really glad I’ve been sorting and purging and packing all along because there’s really not all that much left to go through. Still…holy cats!!! Pretty excited though!!!! <3

Navigation

Fri, 12 Sep 2014 01:30:44 -0600

“I have a feeling my guardian angel looks like this often.”

Given that I will be traveling cross-country in less than a month, I felt it was prudent to take advantage of the $50 off coupon for the map and software update for my nav system in my Ford. I dutifully paid for, and quickly received the DVD’s to plug into my system. I read the instructions, following the onscreen prompts carefully. Nowhere did they say it would take the better part of TWO HOURS to update this crazy thing! And…it distinctly says, “Do not turn off your engine while updating.” I used up an 1/8th of a tank of gas while contributing much more carbon to the ozone layer than I am comfortable with. (Ok, I drive a Ford Expedition. I guess I’m TOO comfortable…I get, like, 6 gallons to the mile or something like that when I’m hauling TOW-Wanda.)

I’m considering trading in TOW-Wanda for a larger model. When I get to WV, I will still be much more comfortable sleeping in my trailer than in a house…at least till things get to the point that my aunt needs me during the night. TOW-Wanda is darling, and I love her, but that bathroom is just a little too tight. And there’s no seating inside except for the bed. A lot of the trailers now have these great slide outs which gives you so much more floor space and are quite comfortable. This is the time of year to buy because everything is on clearance and I can get a lot for my money. I’m wondering though…if I trade in the middle states like Kansas, Missouri, or Indiana if I would get a better deal? Any input on this?

Today is my sweet brother, Gary’s, 63rd birthday. Happy Birthday, bubby!!!

Holy Pressure Cooker, Batman!

Mon, 08 Sep 2014 01:30:58 -0600

Condensing my kitchen into two dishpack boxes today. Three sets of dishes that were gifts from Mr. Virgo have to come with me. My Kitchenaid mixer and my uber fancy coffee grinder made the cut. My knives and specialty tools must be included. Holy pressure cooker, Batman…this isn’t easy! :-/

Argh!

Thu, 04 Sep 2014 01:30:28 -0600

“And I thought this was getting under control!!!”

I’ve worked in here for two weeks since the last picture and it STILL looks like this! But it’s getting organized anyway. Most of what I’m taking with me is in plastic tubs and a few boxes for easy packing/shipping. Progress!!!

I wrote today’s post and hit send instead of scheduling it for 4am like I always do so I thought I’d do another quick one.

No Fear

Sun, 31 Aug 2014 01:30:27 -0600

“Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life.”

Ok, I have what appears to be a solid contract. I’m getting the ephemera down to a manageable level…key word - getting. Now it’s time to let go of my furniture. I have been very proud of my furniture. A few pieces were bought new. I have never had such good quality furniture in my life and there are pieces I love. Like the little round breakfast table and four chairs. And the red painted cabinet. The sofa is rich red and gold, down filled, huge, and comfy. While the bedroom set is way too big for the bedroom, it is beautiful and impressive…and from Mr. Virgo. But, these things can’t go with me. In order to take them, I would need to have them moved or make two trips or have someone drive my car with TOW-Wanda and I’d follow with a U-Haul. There are several reasons these are not viable options, the biggest of which are the expense involved and the lack of room in the farmhouse. Mine isn’t “farmhouse” furniture anyway.

This leaves me with sorting out my feelings again…a never ending process on this journey. Of course I have an emotional attachment to my things. They are a part of the picture of my married life. They are the props to my life story with Mr. Virgo. But they are only things. Things of this world. Scripture tells us not to be in love with the things of the world….the material things. Because these things pass. They are fleeting. I am not defined by the objects I carry with me. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying comforts and beautiful things. But as the old adage goes…you can’t take it with ya. My kids are taking what they want and storing what they can for me, particularly a large tryptic painting we had commissioned, a curved front curio my uncle found in a barn, and my mom’s cedar chest. My roll top desk the same uncle gave me has gone to my ex-husband because he loved it so much and eventually one of the kids will get it so it stays in the family. I have invited people I know and love to see if there is anything they want to buy before I offer it to the public.

I am being particularly careful to NOT say things like “I’ll never have such nice furniture again.” because that is a direct order to the universe to deliver. Instead, I am opening my hands and letting go of the things I held onto so tightly. I’m letting go of them with love so they might bring joy to others. I am thanking God for letting me have the use of them for so long and for the money they will bring. This frees me of the burden of carrying them back and forth or the expense of storing them. It frees me of the worry that someone might break in and steal them. And I know the universe (which is to me, God) will provide for me and I will live in abundance no matter what situation I might find myself. Abundance is so much more than stuff. It’s the wealth of love, hope, strength, and courage in every situation. I may not have a ton of money, but I’m wealthy beyond belief! <3

Attitude Adjustment

Sun, 24 Aug 2014 01:30:19 -0600

“Attitude Adjustment”

I had a rough week. Between negotiating items on the inspection that need addressing to two crowns and new glasses, I was feeling at my wits’ end. I was allowing the emotion of the situation to sit in the driver’s seat and when that happens, it’s easy to miss a curve and head for the rocks.

I was feeling taken advantage of in these negotiations. I was upset because I was projecting onto the buyers my own desire to be treated kindly because I am a widow. I am a woman. And I am doing this all on my own. I mean, can’t they see this is hard for me? They should be nice. Then I realized, this is business. This has nothing to do with me. They are driving a hard bargain. They are asking for the moon, hoping I’ll hand it to them on a silver platter. I’m not giving up and I’m not giving in. I’ve just had enough of the haggling…it is what it is…take it or leave it.

When I take ME out of the equation, things get remarkably simple. Hey…when did I grow up??? <3

Feeling Stronger Every Day!!!

Sat, 23 Aug 2014 01:30:43 -0600

“What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger…”

Yesterday I hit the ground running and stopped at 10pm. First there were two loads to the church for the rummage sale. Then the mover came for an estimate. Bare minimum stuff…boxes and 2-3 pieces of furniture was $3000. Nope, not happening. I can buy a lot of antiques at auctions for three grand. Ordered the replacement windows…all 22 of them! Feeling mighty grateful for the unlimited, full lifetime warranty on Milgard windows right about now!!! Talked with the building department for the area to discuss codes regarding some of the items on the home inspection. Went to my brother’s six month eval at 4. Stopped at the store, caught up with friends, and called it a day! Feeling much more empowered! I can DO this! <3

Happy Days

Fri, 22 Aug 2014 01:30:18 -0600

“Happy Days”

I feel like I’ve been put through a wringer washer backwards. My world, my life was so perfect. I had what every girl dreamed of. Beautiful kids, sweet little grand daughters to love on, a darling house in the country, a dream job, great friends. And a handsome man to share it all with. I had it all. And in the blink of an eye, it all changed. I still have beautiful kids. I still have sweet little grand daughters. I have great friends. My dream job is over…at least that one is. My darling little house is an albatross I’m trying to get done with. And my handsome man is the memory that keeps me warm at night.

It was an exhausting week. Dental work and new glasses stretched an already tight budget. Haggling with the prospective buyers has left me drained. I met with my financial advisor and it was reassuring to know I’m not going to starve any time soon but she did dampen my parade somewhat.

I am a huge proponent of positive affirmations so why am I allowing myself all this negativity? Where is my sparkle when I need it? I realize I’ve been looking at this house sale through the close-up lens. I’ve been keeping my nose pressed to the glass. I need to step back and gain perspective. I can handle this.

It reminds me of when we moved Dan into this house. I kept dragging my feet. Not because I didn’t want him here. I just didn’t want to do all that moving. I wanted to go for a drive or to a movie or play golf. Heck, I think I’d rather have a root canal than move. And…darn it. I thought when we moved back here in 2011, it would be the last move I ever made. It wasn’t. And this one won’t be the last one either, likely. Someday I’ll move back to Colorado to live out my final years.

This picture is a sweet memory of a time when I had it all. I still have it all. It just looks different. Maybe these new glasses will help me see the beauty in that.

Ahhhhh, Patience....

Thu, 21 Aug 2014 01:30:26 -0600

“Ahhhhh….Patience”

A virtue in limited supply in my life. I’m a flexible person. I can change direction on a dime and be good with it. But when I want something done, I want it now. On my time. Under my terms. And that’s not the way it works. There are always mitigating factors. And I find when I pray to God and ask him for patience, he gives me all kinds of opportunities to practice it. I quit doing that YEARS ago! lol

My latest opportunity to practice patience surrounds the home inspection and resulting list of things the buyers would like done. There is only one big ticket item and that’s under warranty. The rest is pretty petty, small stuff. I’ll fix it. Not a problem. But I’m not giving an inch any further. I’m standing my ground because I’ve already given a lot. This will get done, the house will be sold, and I will be free.

Free. <3

TOW-Wanda at Chapman Dam

Tue, 19 Aug 2014 01:30:58 -0600

“TOW-Wanda at Chapman Dam”

I’m heading into the home stretch and this will be the hardest part…whittling things down to what little I can pack in the car and the camper. I can ship things like clothes. There are big ticket items that eat up a lot of precious cargo room like the 4 studded snow tires for the Ford. Those can go in one of the bunk beds in the trailer. Pictures are the biggest space eaters. I wish I would have scanned them years ago. Ah…if wishes were horses, right? Books…I already cut down so many. I’ll need to whittle some more. There’s a library not too far from the farm and there’s Kindle. I can get anything I need in WV. My desktop computer goes with me. Along with two laptops and cameras. I have some art that I want to take but I’m going to have them packed professionally. Maybe I’ll call a mover just to get an estimate for how much they would charge to pack and ship those things I do want to take. I don’t want to weigh down the trailer and the car to an unsafe degree. Decisions, decisions…I’ll be so happy when I’m done and settled. Until then, one foot in front of the other. So many changes in such a short time.

Hanging On!

Tue, 19 Aug 2014 01:30:28 -0600

“Hanging On!”

This is what my life feels like right now but I’m hanging on for the ride! The home inspection yesterday was pretty darned nit picky as far as I was concerned. We shall see what the potential buyers say when the full report comes in. In the meantime, I need to get some windows replaced that are under warranty. I may not get out of here exactly when I thought but you never know! I’m praying hard over here! <3

Mom

Mon, 18 Aug 2014 01:30:57 -0600

“I miss my mommy.”

I miss my mom. I wish she was here to give me a hug in her mommy way. I am purging stuff and came across this darling little piece of childhood art. I must have been about 7 or 8 when I drew this. <3

Emotions

Sun, 17 Aug 2014 01:30:12 -0600

“Emotional roller coaster.”

Even though it has been a year and a half since Mr. Virgo died, my emotions are still on a roller coaster and it’s very frustrating. I think trauma and grief flips a switch in your brain and things that normally wouldn’t bother you sometimes feels insurmountable. Your highs get higher, your lows get lower, and the distance between the two get shorter.

Having the house on the market has been one of the most stressful things I have ever done. Certainly not as stressful as losing Mr. Virgo, but I was numb for most of the year. I’ve read repeatedly that the second year is worse because you’re awake and aware and still actively grieving. I had such a high with the sale of the house. Last night I went out for dinner with a friend. My tummy has been so tender the last year and there are certain foods that trigger a night of misery, pizza being the worst offender. And I LOVE pizza! So, of course, celebrating the high of the sale, I had pizza. I had a rough night and consequently crashed. And when you crash in combination with grief, you crash hard. But then the sun comes up and life looks different. A little drained, but I feel much better. I hope the highs and lows mellow out as this process progresses because this is exhausting.

Grief is an amazingly difficult and complex journey and no two are alike. There are some general similarities, but for the most part, you walk this path with a blindfold. When I see a new widow, I want to wrap her in my arms because I know the land she will travel to in the coming years is pretty rough.

Sold!

Thu, 14 Aug 2014 01:30:18 -0600

“Sold!”

Yesssssssss! Sold the house! They will have an inspector come in and once that clears, I’m good to go. September 11th closing. My sweet brother’s birthday is September 12th. I want to have a BIG going away party on the 13th and then I’m out of here!!!!!!! OMGosh! I’m on cloud nine!

(happy dance

ME Haul!!!

Mon, 11 Aug 2014 01:30:48 -0600

“ME Haul!!!”

I decided today was the perfect day to rent a U-Haul truck and bring everything from my storage unit back to the house. I met with my realtor today. Haven’t heard from Saturday’s showing yet, but the realtor I thought was showing it yesterday showed up this morning. I was prepared but needed to pick up my reading material and put my coffee cup in the dishwasher. I met the couple and shared SE of my sparkle with them. They were very nice, spent a half hour in the house after I left and then came back to look at it again an hour later! Good sign!

So, I emptied the storage unit, cleaned it out for my deposit, and now have stopped for a bite to eat on my way home. I would choose a really HOT sunny day to do this. AND wear my new white shorts and uncomfortable shoes. But hey, now I just have to empty it into the garage , return the truck, and then I can start sorting through it all AGAIN so I can keep just the items that cannot be replaced. Wow ! This has been a TON of work, but it is so worth it in the end because my life (if not my BUTT) will be so much leaner!!! <3

On Being Grateful

Wed, 06 Aug 2014 01:30:34 -0600

“On Being Grateful.”

I have an “Attitude of Gratitude”. I always see the glass as full to overflowing. I trust everything is as it should be because I trust God to have my best interests at heart.

My house was shown twice yesterday. My house sends me a text message when someone opens and closes the front door. And, yes…I was mildly perturbed when I saw that whoever was showing the house was in there exactly FOUR minutes. Four minutes! You can’t really see a house in four minutes with any real interest. So, instead of feeling bad, anxious, frustrated…I’m choosing to feel relieved. That person was more than likely NOT my buyer. They had best just move on and not waste anyone’s time.

But man…it’s so hard to let go of the tail of that kite, isn’t it?

The Farm

Tue, 05 Aug 2014 01:30:32 -0600

Here are some pictures from the home of my heart!

“The Farm”

A Simple Life

Mon, 04 Aug 2014 01:30:07 -0600

“A Simple Life”

I’m back! Here it is, August 4th already…can you believe it? Those three weeks literally flew by. I’ve missed you all even though I did peek in from time to time. And I am rested, refreshed and rearing to go!

I’m still snuggled up in bed, preparing my mind for the onslaught of civilization. I’m listening to the morning call of a whip-poor-will knowing full well in a few hours I’ll be hustling through busy international airports. I’m not looking forward to it…and I LOVE to fly. I want to pour a cup of coffee and go out on the front porch, the familiar stretchy squeak of the screen door spring the only sound louder than the morning birdsong. I want to see old Mama Kitty curled up in the corner, one eye opened slightly in protest over the crude interruption of her peaceful slumber. I want to listen to whip-poor-wills every day for the rest of my life.

I need to head to Colorado. I need to settle some business. I need to snuggle my babies and spoil them a little bit. I need to do the really big purge and get rid of the things in life that weigh me down. I am so grateful to my son-in-law’s mom for sitting me down and telling me to look at what I want my life to look like and make it that. I will miss my kids and grandkids and my Colorado family like crazy, and I will travel to see them as often as I can. But I also know I need to live where my heart sings…where I can stretch out and be free…where I can own a piece of God’s country. It’s time to go home.

Money will only stretch so far. When you have x-amount of dollars to spend on housing and you have a choice of a repossessed HUD home in a dicey neighborhood or a hundred acre farm, tell me…where would you go? What are you willing to let go of in order to set your heart free and give it wings? How far are you willing to fly?

Mister Bee Potato Chips

Fri, 01 Aug 2014 01:30:45 -0600

“Mr. Bee Potato Chips”

You know those special foods you can only get at “home”? Well, ours are pepperoni rolls, Ruben’s Deli Hot Italian Hoagies, and Mister Bee Potato Chips. My sister/friend Patty in Florida has put in a special request for some Mister Bee’s so off they went in the mail today. While I was at it, I just went ahead and shipped some back to Colorado for the kids…and my brother/friend Greg…and my brother Gary…and, ummmmmmm…ME! :-) I’m going to be somebody’s best friend come Monday!

I can’t believe I fly back to Colorado on Monday. :-( This has gone all too quickly. The only consolation is….I get to see my girls AND it won’t be long till that house sells and I can come back!

Here are some more WV photos!

“West Virginia Cousins!”

It's Just Stuff...

Fri, 11 Jul 2014 01:30:38 -0600

“It’s Just Stuff…”

Ok, I’ve had some time to think about it. For those of you who may have missed my post yesterday, my storage unit was broken into and a BOATLOAD of stuff was taken. My entire art/jewelry studio tools and supplies, two huge storage trunks filled with my power tools, my serger, my carpet cleaner…and our golf clubs. All told, maybe $4-5k worth of stuff. The thing that hurt was losing Mr. Virgo’s clubs. That stung. But the rest of it? Let’s look at that.

The carpet cleaner? Well…..yay!!!!!

My serger? I used it to make the most darling clothes for my baby. She’s 24, ok? I’ve dragged that thing around with me for oh…20 years without ever using it…not once. So, it’s gone.

My power tools? Gasp! That may take a little time to get over. But, I can always get brand spankin’ new, ever so much better, power tools! Yay!!!

MY golf clubs? True confession? The only thing I loved about playing golf was smoking a cigar with Mr. Virgo! I sucked at it. I am giving countless people a break by not clogging up the golf course with my slow play. See? If you’re a golfer, you’re feeling better already, right? You’re welcome!

My studio? Ahhhh, my studio. Dang it. I love making stuff. AND…I am a Gemini. I cannot do the same thing over, and over, and over. My creativity comes in spurts. I’m thinking God has a plan. Perhaps He saw that I was struggling with the guilt of having all this equipment and supplies and not really making much from it, and he said, “Ya know, honey….I’m gonna just get this stuff out of your way! Now, look….see how much LESS stuff you have to cart around with you? You’re welcome!”

Which brings us to Mr. Virgo’s clubs. You know, the guy that stole those clubs didn’t steal them to play a better game. He stole them for drug money. God knows who he is. He will heap burning coals upon his head. He’s not my problem. I’m thinking of the guy who buys (or has already bought) those clubs. HE’S a golfer! He will appreciate the smokin’ deal he’s going to get on that set. And that bag I bought Mr. Virgo as a wedding gift? Icing on the cake because…that is one sweet bag! No, that unsuspecting golfer who picks up this $1700 set of clubs for a song at some garage sale somewhere is going to really love them. He’s going to appreciate the love and care that went into the upkeep of that set. May he get a hole in one his first time out! May he wear a 10.5D and fit into Mr. Virgo’s golf shoes that are in the side pocket. May his hand fit those extra golf gloves that were tucked in here and there. May he have many, many wonderful days out on the links. And if I ever run across him and recognize those clubs, I’ll tell him about a really great guy that loved to golf.

Because, in the end, it’s only stuff.

Just Breathe

Thu, 10 Jul 2014 01:30:22 -0600

“Just Breathe!”

Ok, so…the showing went very well yesterday morning. The lady really liked it and now wants her husband to come see it. I hope he subscribes to the “Happy Wife…Happy Life!” school of thought! I am not going to obsess…I am not going to obsess…I am NOT going to obsess! lol

I’m heading to the Front Range this morning. I get to camp with my youngest grand daughter for two nights. Sister has a swim meet and it is NOT pleasant when we awaken the princess too early! Hence, she will stay with Nana!

I am playing a game with myself. I have laid out what I want to pack for my trip on Sunday. I gave myself an hour and went back and picked through to see what I can do without. Then I did it a couple more times. It’s amazing what I cut out by doing that. I will go through it again before I actually pack. I mean, really…I’m going to WV in late July. I need a couple tank tops, a couple pairs of shorts, a sundress or two, dainties and toiletries. One pair of sandals and one pair of tennies. All I REALLY need is a toothbrush and a charge card! Last year I took EVERYTHING. I find if I don’t plan ahead and take my time packing, I just throw everything in the suitcase. I always end up thinking “What on earth did I bring that for?” I’ll tell you what, my friend who is picking me up at the airport will thank me. He could barely lift the big suitcase last year.

I am so excited for this trip! My ideal living situation would be to have a small place in WV and a small place in CO and split my time between the two. I’m going to just see what’s available while I’m there this time. I love having something fun to plan and look forward to. One of my dreams has been to have a place where I can hold retreats (artist, writer, yoga, stitching, knitting, quilting, etc.) I can just envision small groups gathering on my property, sitting around the campfire at night, sharing meals, learning from each other, sharing with each other, supporting each other in whatever growth we happen to be wrangling with at the time. I love having a picture in my mind that I can send out into the universe and watch it start to grow. Of course, my universal energy source is God, but no matter what your persuasion, my retreats would be all encompassing and would be open to any creative (or not so creative) souls. I could have retreats here in CO and in the beautiful, lush green hills of WV. What do you all think? Is that something you would be interested in? Is there anything in particular you would like to do or discuss? What do you envision it looking like? I’ve already been laying some groundwork over the last year. I have met some wonderful women who would love to teach and or speak. I’ve also met some incredibly strong women who would love to participate. We are all learning…we are all “just walking each other home.”

Contemplation

Tue, 01 Jul 2014 01:30:23 -0600

“Conservatory”

I took the whole day to myself yesterday. I still was feeling under the weather so I spent the day resting and napping and dreaming of tiny home designs. This structure is actually a conservatory. What do you think? Do you think it could be converted into a tiny home?

Magic!

Wed, 25 Jun 2014 01:30:53 -0600

“Magic!”

Something magical is happening. Since I put the house on the market, I haven’t slept in it. The most I’ve “cooked” was making a bowl of cereal the other day. I use the shower and immediately clean the bathroom to showing perfection. It took a great deal of effort and a fair amount of money to get this place in tip-top shape and I’ll be darned if I’m going to mess it up when I have a perfectly good house on wheels to stay in.

Here’s where the magic comes in. I’m losing my attachment to my “stuff”. You know, those things I carefully boxed up because I just HAD to have them? Oh, there are certainly things I would never, ever part with, but by golly…I’m sitting here thinking about those boxes in storage and running an inventory in my head and I can’t think of more than a dozen things that are in there! And if I don’t even KNOW what I have, why on earth do I need it? This is a beautiful revelation.

My son-in-law’s mom is the dearest person and we are just as much family as if we were blood relatives. I was sitting at her kitchen table having coffee last week. She said, “You know, Ginny…the first thing you need to do is picture exactly what you want your life to look like, then go out and find what fits that picture.” Brilliant! I’ve always accepted whatever house was available and fit my life into it. This time I have an opportunity to totally create the kind of LIFE I want then I can pick and choose what fits into it, be it home, work, travel…whatever. This is a whole new concept to my creative brain and it’s running on overtime with imagination.

In order to begin this new creation, I have to come up with a list of priorities. Now that I have the house under control, I can spend the days I’m not working divided into three parts. The first part of the day is when I’m most rested and it’s cooler, so I’ll spend that doing any cleaning/gardening/purging/hauling that needs to be done. The second part of the day is when it’s hot and uncomfortable, so I will spend that portion doing sedentary activities like sorting through boxes of papers and pictures, working online taking a downsizing class, and writing my blog posts and book. The third part of the day is when it has cooled off and I am the most relaxed and creative. I can use those hours to read, research, and define my new lifestyle.

I’ve come a long way on this grief journey. This time last year…well, I really don’t remember much at all about last year, which is probably a good thing. I still miss Mr. Virgo. It still hurts. But I’ve grown a lot this year and I know he would be pleased with my progress. I refuse to sit and let grass grow under my feet. This is good stuff here!

Remembering

Tue, 24 Jun 2014 01:30:08 -0600

“When I was young…”

I remember when this picture was taken. My senior portrait was taken in the summer of 1970. I had had my first date about six weeks before. My boyfriend (later, my first husband) bought me that pearl ring for my birthday. Pearl is my birthstone. I was fresh, young, athletic. I didn’t know anything about anything, but I had the world by the tail!

I spent yesterday afternoon going through an upstairs closet that hadn’t been touched yet. I found a box of papers and sat for an hour or so shredding what I didn’t need. I gathered a bag of clothes for donation. I took what very few pieces of clothing that I wanted to keep and put them in the bedroom closet. I found a box of photo albums that I brought back from mom’s after she died. That was ten years ago. I’ve paid to have them moved three times! They were in those awful, sticky albums they can out with in the ’70s. It took me four hours to convert a large box of albums into a small stack of pictures that easily fit in three one-gallon ziplock baggies. Two for me and one to take to WV this summer. I also took my brother’s stack and put them into the best album I had emptied. Progress!

I finished up at 7:30 and headed back out to the lake to spend the night. Every day spent purging, cleaning, clearing the clutter from my life makes me feel 10 pounds lighter. Sort of fresh, young, athletic…like this girl in the picture.

"Ewe's not fat...ewe's fluffy!"

Fri, 20 Jun 2014 01:30:39 -0600

“Ewe’s not fat…ewe’s just fluffy!”

I swear…ever since I made the decision to sell the house I’ve been eating everything that I normally stay away from. My new rule seems to be “If it’s not nailed down, it’s fair game!”

Stress eating has always been my nemesis. Sweet, salty, and fried things sing a Siren’s song, tempting me and leading me down a familiar path. Comfort foods. Food you don’t need that feeds a monster inside…uncertainty, fear, insecurity. The trouble is, once that monster is awakened, it is NOT easy to cage him again.

I am (almost) past the point of hating my body. Madison Avenue gives us airbrushed images that are simply unattainable. Sometimes the attempt to create an image of the perfect woman results in noticeably poor, often laughable, airbrush technique. I try to find these editing mistakes which divert my attention from my cellulite and big, comfy tummy. I am (almost) to the point of not caring that these bat wings on my arms are nearing the capability of flight

Seriously, I have (almost) licked the negative self-talk. I know this phase is temporary. Things always turn around when the stress monster is forced back in his cage. I know this too shall pass.

Generosity

Tue, 17 Jun 2014 01:30:27 -0600

“A gift from my sweet man.”

Mr. Virgo was generous to a fault. I had to be careful what I said I liked because I would end up getting it. But really, a lot of times I didn’t need it…nor did I want it. You can LIKE something…a LOT, without necessarily wanting it. This was sometimes the case with Mr. Virgo’s gifts.

He showed me a bedroom suit once in a catalog. He asked if I liked it. I told him I thought it was gorgeous. And it was. But it was also WAY too big for our bedroom and more money than I had ever spent on a whole HOUSE FULL of furniture in my life. And…three weeks later there were three large crates of furniture in my driveway. I didn’t say a word. The man worked hard for his money, he didn’t drink or run around. He deserved to have a comfortable home.

Now I am seriously downsizing and this beautiful furniture must go. But, for now, it is dressing up my house…making it appealing to a new buyer. And that makes me smile.

My House

Sun, 15 Jun 2014 01:30:06 -0600

Letting go of this house is a bittersweet affair. It was my first home I owned all on my own so I have been very proud of it. Yet, it is the home I shared with Mr. Virgo and his memory is around every corner. We refinanced it just five months before he died, which gives me a mortgage until I am 90 years old…not something I am willing to contend with. So, off she goes. Prayers for a buyer who loves it as much as I did!

I Did It!

Sat, 14 Jun 2014 01:30:38 -0600

“I Did It!!!”

I spent so much energy wondering how on earth I was ever going to get this house in shape to put it on the market. I whined. I cried. I complained. But, I persevered. And I got it done. Thank you to Hannah and Denise and Hunter for the time you could give me. Thank you to my neighbors for popping in when I needed a little muscle to move things around. Thank you God for having faith in me! The house is listed, the St. Joseph statue has been buried and prayed over. I’m sleeping in today!

My Story

Thu, 12 Jun 2014 01:30:49 -0600

“Collect things you love, that are authentic to you, and your house becomes your story.”

My story is packed away in boxes stacked neatly in a 10x10 square. I chose my treasures wisely, selecting those with the grandest of stories. My great-grandfather’s bowler hat and walking stick. I remember when I was very young, my grandpa would play a tune on the fiddle and Grandpa Richardson would dance a soft-shoe across the back porch. I have my grandma’s churn and treadle sewing machine. My grandmother’s radio.

It’s not just the older generation coming along with me on my next journey. My grade school lunch box, my bride doll, even my little rubber lamb from my toddler days made the cut. My children’s handprints.

I’m a storyteller. When you enter my house, your eye will move from place to place, resting here and there on an object of interest. If I notice you enjoying my collections, I’ll likely take you by the arm and tell you the stories behind each one. I’ve bored many guests to tears that way ! :-)

It became easier to purge much of my stuff when I asked myself some questions. 1) Do I LOVE it? 2) Does it have a great story? 3) Will it make my life more joyful? And 4) Is there any chance my kids will want it? If the answer to all four questions was yes….and I mean an enthusiastic YES…it went to storage. After it’s been there awhile, if I open the box and it feels like Christmas morning when I was six, then I’ve got a keeper. If not, then I will re-evaluate. I have the time. I have the patience. I have the resources. I am so very grateful. <3

When a Home Becomes a House

Wed, 11 Jun 2014 01:30:27 -0600

“Our Handprints in the Driveway”

Handprints in wet cement. Something so few of us have the privilege to do….to build a house from the ground up. Then comes the fun part…filling it with love and laughter and family, and turning it into a home. That’s what we did, the Divine Miss H and me. We anxiously waited for the day they poured the driveway. We put our hands in and celebrated as if we were getting our stars in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theater. She was 10.

My youngest daughter and I were getting to know each other again. I was on the up side of a long bout of depression and this little girl had taken the brunt of it as it ravaged our lives and ended the only marriage she knew. This house was our haven where we had girl nights and did our nails. Where we sat in the middle of the bed with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a spoon, crying over bullies. Where we worked out the knots of adolescence and homework and learning to drive.

It was quiet. I didn’t like fighting over the TV so when the house was finished, I just didn’t connect the cable. We read. We played games. We talked. We grew and healed and became a family again. Our house was a home…the haven we both needed. Then…along came Mr. Virgo and so much love and joy and noise and happiness came in with him! He and Miss H bonded immediately. She was fifteen…it could have gone either way, but we all adored each other. A couple years later, the baby was gone off to college. Mr. Virgo and I were gypsies for three and a half years then came back home. I thought we were coming home to stay. I thought I would never move again. Turns out, only one of us is staying…and he’s up on the hill across the road.

Things change. That’s an absolute. And one of the things that has changed is my home that I so carefully built and tended. Funny…..it turned back into a house. It’s got walls and structure. It’s aesthetically pleasing. It’s in a nice neighborhood. It has a mountain behind it and a view of the valley in front. It has a covered porch. But it’s just a house.

My “home” left with Mr. Virgo. I am in search of a new home now. There is a part of me that will miss this place because of the sweet memories made. And, it’s those memories that linger around every corner…whispering “They don’t live here anymore.” It’s time to fly, my sweets. And I’m good with that.

A Day of Rest

Mon, 09 Jun 2014 01:30:35 -0600

“I’ve loved to fish since I was knew high to a grasshopper!”

I’ve been burning the candle at both ends lately. Saturday night, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. I was hot, dirty and exhausted. My feet were killing me and I was feeling overwhelmed. So I did what I usually do. I called a buddy up and he made me laugh hard about some ridiculous thing. Then I texted back and forth for awhile with a couple of my gal pals. Around 8 o’clock, my brother/friend Greg called and said those three little words every woman wants to hear…“I’ll make dinner!” Yes! I went over right away (we live a few blocks apart). We laughed and caught up with each other’s lives. He cooked and let me ramble on about all the packing and purging I’ve been doing. He gave me Aleve for my sore foot and ice to press into the sore places. He rubbed my shoulders then he did the best thing any friend can let a widow do. He let me lean back against him on the couch while I talked about my loss and the changes I am bringing into my life in the coming months. He is as much a brother to me as my own and I felt so much better when I went home.

I got up yesterday morning and went to church. The rain held off till I was in the grocery store. I came home, took a hot bath, and then a nap. That was exactly what I needed.

The day was also productive. I sold a primitive cabinet and a car. But I didn’t pack. I didn’t carry boxes. I sorted a few pictures but that was it. Then I ate ice cream. Yes…it was a good day!

This picture was taken exactly 57 years ago. My grandma had an old bamboo fishing pole and she took me out on the bridge over the little “crick” beside the house to teach me how to fish. She instilled a love of all things country in me. Even though I have always lived in towns and cities, in my heart there lives a farm girl. Even though I have lived with money, there is a girl inside who wants to live a much simpler, humble life. Even though I am moving to Denver to be closer to the kids and grandkids, my inner country girl will find the perfect place to live that offers as much of a country life that the big city, and limited finances, will allow. Maybe I’ll even get to have chickens. I’ve always wanted chickens.

Hugs

Sat, 07 Jun 2014 01:30:11 -0600

“Hugs”

The other night, one of my favorite young men drove two hours just to help me move some heavy furniture. He and my youngest were in diapers together and I always prayed that someday they would get married and he would be my other son-in-law. Alas, they did become infatuated in their mid-teens and they kissed once. They both laughed so hard at the absurdity of dating someone who was, in nearly every sense of the word, a sibling. I am still thrilled he will be in my life forever.

His mom is one of my best friends. When she told me what they were going to name their firstborn if he was a boy, I told her under no uncertain terms that she could NOT name him that. It was an old family name, true. But the kids would have teased him unmercifully. I told her I would let her know soon what his name was. A few days later, I was in the grocery store and heard a woman calling to her son. Hunter. Perfect! I told my friend I had the perfect name and that is who he is. A good name. Solid. Sophisticated. Masculine. We were laughing about it on the porch last night. He thanked me immensely that he isn’t named Theodore!

We had a long talk. We shared our thoughts and fears from the bookends of life. He asked for advice on some things. We covered a lot of ground in a couple of hours and I cherished those moments I got to have with him because they are few and far between. He left this morning by 5 o’clock in order to be back at work at 7. He gave me big hugs and told me how special I have been in his life, that he’s sorry I have to go through this alone, and that all I ever need to do is call and he’ll do what he can for me. What a great kid. What a great evening!

Aim True!!!

Fri, 06 Jun 2014 01:30:02 -0600

“Aim True!!!”

I am closing in on the final week before listing my house for sale. This is the big push, and two of those days I have to work. Yowza! I am listing on Friday the 13th….my birthday. My Day of Jubilee. Certainly my day to take that great, big, HUGE, exciting, scary step out on the limb and jump! I have helpers starting to arrive tonight. I am bartering a bed and beer for hard work. I have the window washer coming Monday or Tuesday. I have a house cleaner coming Tuesday. I have the carpet cleaner coming Wednesday. And the real estate people at the end of the week. This is exhausting yet exhilarating!!! Bring it on, world…..I’m Superwoman!!!

Bits and Pieces

Thu, 05 Jun 2014 01:30:04 -0600

“Mr. Virgo’s Golf Clubs”

Bits and pieces of a life. That is all I physically have left of Mr. Virgo. His clothes are mostly gone…just bits and pieces left: his leather bomber jacket, a belt, his cowboy boots, the sweater I loved him in. His toiletries are mostly gone…except for bits and pieces: a bottle of his cologne, his favorite soap, his electric razor. I have his golf clubs and his war medals and the picture of us dancing at our wedding. Just bits and pieces of a life well lived yet too soon over.

As I sort and purge and cast off the encumbrances of my life, I shed more and more of my reminders of him. His humidor was emptied…dry, papery cigars tossed with yesterday’s junk mail…addressed to a man who no longer lives here. The humidor itself sent home with my daughter as a remembrance of her other dad. I feel as though I lose him over and over again. I feel as though he may just have been a figment of my imagination…a wisp of smoke and leather and spice that I held close for a moment before the wind whipped it from me. I feel like my heart just might explode with the joy of having had him and the pain of letting him go. Bits and pieces, bits and pieces.

These things will fall away, move on, become meaningless items on a shelf downtown…waiting for someone else to love them. As he loved them. He loved these golf clubs. He nurtured them. He cleaned and polished them after every outing. He inspected them carefully and mourned over every nick and scar. Then he carefully covered each one in their little black sweaters and put them back in the bag I gave him as a wedding present. These clubs are as much a part of him as his Stetson or his Waterman pen or his DuPont lighter. Eventually, they will find their way into someone else’s garage. But for now, they are reminders of laughter, cigar smoke, stubby yellow pencils, Mulligans, blue eyes and sunshine. And, most of all….love.

Getting Started

Fri, 30 May 2014 01:30:36 -0600

“Getting Started”

I am “off the grid” for a few days of R&R with some girlfriends. No water, no electric, no cell service for 30 miles. Bliss!

Today’s post is about getting started. Do you ever find yourself with a massive project to do and it’s so huge, it’s overwhelming to look at? Do you feel frozen in place? What do you do to get motivated to take that first step?

A friend of mine recently reached a goal of walking 1,000 miles. When she started, she was 35 pounds or so heavier. She had to have wondered how on earth she was going to walk a thousand miles! That’s like….a LOT! But, she put on her walking shoes and started slowly, gradually working her way up to 4 miles a day. She wrote her total to date on a page from Joel Osteen’s devotional and posted it to her FB page. It was amazing to watch as she posted her daily journey and watching her transform. (Congratulations, Valerie!)

I hadn’t given downsizing and moving a thought till Easter Sunday. And now, here I am up to my armpits in alligators. It was SO hard to let go and dive in because it meant letting go of a lot of other things, too. Everyone…every single person on this earth has lost someone they love more than life itself. It sucks. It really, really does. And every single one of those people left behind will deal with it in their own way. There’s no right way or wrong way. I will say this though….I know personally, if I don’t take that uncomfortable, scary, intimidating, exhausting, resentful, angry first step, I’m going to stay hanging on this monkey bar forever and “ain’t nobody got time for that”.

Stop looking at the forest, or even the tree…pick a low branch and climb up. Tomorrow, choose another one. Before you know it, your view is going to be a lot farther and a lot prettier. And if you can’t do that, ask for help. We’re all in this thing together…no one is really and truly alone.

Happiness

Wed, 28 May 2014 01:30:27 -0600

“Happiness”

I have to say, even with all that I’ve been through with losing Mr. Virgo, I’m still above average on the happiness scale. I have moments of sadness, of course, but the Pollyanna in me soon crosses over to the sunny side of the street. Yesterday was just such a day. Mr. Lawn Dude finished the yard and it looks great. It cost me a pretty penny but the house has great curb appeal now and that’s what I was after. I bought a grand total of 146 bags of mulch! Wowza!

After my last trip to Lowe’s, I rented a storage unit and took two car loads over. I also took a car load to the thrift store. I filled three garbage bags with junk to throw away. I crossed off several items from the list. It was a hot day and I was exhausted by nightfall, but it was satisfying and productive to see things coming together.

Happiness is in the littlest things.

Some-wherrrrrre...over the rain-bowwwww...

Mon, 26 May 2014 01:30:55 -0600

“Some-wherrrrrre…over the rain-bowwwww…”

Daughter #2 came up Saturday and has been helping me on the house. Yesterday we arranged some things in the living room, finished sorting a big box of pictures, and tackled the master bedroom. We threw away two bags of junk, stuffed three garbage bags full of clothes and shoes for Lift-Up, she took a bag of shoes and clothes, and I boxed up two big boxes of winter clothes. We sat over coffee and I read the lengthy list of things that needed to be done before we can put the house on the market. Her jaw dropped and she said she could certainly understand why I was overwhelmed. One of the things listed was for all of your hangers to match (no wire hangers!) and for your clothes to be sorted by color. OMGosh! Mr. Virgo is turning cartwheels in Heaven today!!!

How To Have a Successful Yard Sale

Sat, 24 May 2014 01:30:35 -0600

“How To Have a Successful Yard Sale”

Decide the afternoon before to join your neighbor for a yard sale.
Spend the entire afternoon sorting through one box of pictures. Oh my gosh…look how cute the kids were! Is that my great uncle or the grandfather I never knew? Stop….focus!
Look at the incredibly huge list of things to get rid of. Choose one thing to do from list.
Move mirror from hall into powder room.
Cross the big mirror move off the list.
Answer the phone and talk to friend for an hour about the big garage sale tomorrow.
Where was I?
Oh, yes…catch up on Facebook. Watch funny cat video. Check e-mail. Wait…what was I on here for? Oh, yeah…check tomorrow’s weather. Oh great…rain!
Tell neighbor you’re doing swimmingly when she comes for an update on garage sale prep.
Holy crap, what was I thinking?!?!
Meet a friend for dinner. You have to keep your strength up for the big day tomorrow!
Call another friend to tell them about the HUGE yard sale tomorrow!
Go to bed early in preparation for the big day. Rest is important!
Write a blog post about the really huge, tremendously important garage sale tomorrow and confess you are ill-prepared but game to give it a try.

Get up at the butt-crack of dawn. Please, Lord….bring me coffee. Where are those price stickers?

Progress!

Sat, 17 May 2014 01:30:52 -0600

“Progress!”

I received a text with some photos of the work done in my yard. What a nice couple to do this so I can monitor progress while I’m out of town! Can’t wait to see the finished project!

Snuggled in TOW-Wanda last night with my 7-year-old. We went to her end-of-year party at school and she was whupped. So was Nana! Today is swim meet then delivering furniture to daughter #2.

I know I am making the right decision to move down here. It just feels right. I feel my place in the family more tangibly than I ever have. It’s a good feeling and I know I’m going to be much happier. I stopped yesterday morning and had coffee with Mr. Virgo. I read the paper in the morning sunshine and chatted with him about the house and stuff. I will miss turning up the hill whenever I want, but I’ll still go visit. I’ll need to see my brother every month or so anyway and I can visit with him then. Actually, I visit with him every day because he is always close to me. That won’t change no matter where I live. <3

In the Moment

Thu, 15 May 2014 01:30:44 -0600

“In the Moment”

This is my point of reference in the coming weeks. Trying to see myself down the road is overwhelming. Trying to remember where I’ve been is painful. Reminding myself that I only have this moment keeps me centered and focused. I will work and live in this moment and all other moments will take care of themselves. Feeling pretty zen-like at the moment with a load of stuff in the car to be distributed. :-)

Fortune Cookie Wisdom

Tue, 13 May 2014 01:30:33 -0600

“Fortune Cookie Wisdom”

OMGosh! This is too funny. I’m sure you have surmised by now that I am a Gemini with a hobby disorder. I get interested in something, go out and buy every supply I could possibly need for a lifetime of doing that particular hobby, only to lose interest once I have actually mastered the skill. It’s the learning that interests me, not the repetitious nature of the hobby itself. As a result, and with the knowledge that I am purging to prepare to sell my house…can you imagine the inner dialog when I read something like this??? lol Back away from the craft aisle and no one gets hurt. I have a glue gun and I’m NOT afraid to use it!!!

Letting Go

Thu, 08 May 2014 01:30:03 -0600

“Letting Go”

As I begin the big purge, I look at these things I’ve dragged around with me most of my life. I’ve paid movers three times to tote a lot of it. I’ve boxed and unpacked countless times over the years. It’s exhausting. And totally unnecessary. I am having a garage sale on Saturday (the first of several, I am sure). I am asking my family what they want and giving them responsibility for the care and feeding of those heirlooms I won’t have room for. A daunting task, but I am determined!

One of my readers posted something a few weeks ago and it really hit home. She was holding something, showing it to her daughter. She said, " This belonged to Aunt Mary. I can’t get rid of this!" Her five year old granddaughter said, “Nana…do you need that to remember Aunt Mary?” Out of the mouths of babes, such wisdom. No, I don’t need my grandpa’s broken lunch pail. I don’t need the Sloan’s Liniment bottle I fished out of my grandma’s barn. I don’t need my great-grandfather’s bowler hat or his walking stick. But I want them. They are part of my history. They are alive with their stories. How do you pass the stories on to the youngest generation without the props? I don’t know. I suppose I will whittle, and whittle, and keep those things that I think I cannot live without. Then I will whittle some more. I cannot possibly take my daughter’s suggestion and get a dumpster. How on earth can you do that? With that in mind, let’s look at the other side of the coin. I’ve always been good at that. What if everything were destroyed in a fire or flood? Just…gone? Would my life end? Of course not. Would I be sad? Sure I would. But, I’d still have the stories….just without the props.

I can do this. I can lighten my footprint and not leave a disaster behind for my girls to clean up. I spent two whole months emptying my mother’s house out. I was furious with her for leaving me with such a mess. I have since softened my heart in that regard, but man…that was a huge chore and one that I don’t want to leave for my girls. Because I know my daughter. She will rent a dumpster and off it will go. At least this way, my treasures will go to someone who will love them.