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After taking two days to get here and thirty hours without sleep, I discovered that it was just the beginning of my vacation misadventures. The morning after my arrival, I noticed a small spot on my foot about the size of a postage stamp. Within two days, it was obvious I had cellulitis. I remember my sandals rubbing on my foot on the first day of travel. Then I walked what felt like a hundred miles through airports on those dirty, germ-filled carpets and got an infection. My foot was hot, red, and swollen by Saturday, so I went to a Quick Care. I was given an antibiotic and instructed to return if it wasn’t better. It was worse this morning. Another trip to the Quick Care and a different antibiotic with instructions to go to the ER if it wasn’t any better in 24-48 hours.

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My brother, whom I will be visiting next week, was admitted to the hospital. They’re keeping him a second night, and he’s now agitated because he wants to go home. For those of you who are new, my sweet brother has Cerebral Palsy and lives in a group home here in Colorado. It’s about a four-hour drive to where he lives, and I’ve got this thing going on with my driving foot, or else I would have driven there Sunday. Please keep him in prayer. I hate that he’s going through this.

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Argh.

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The only upside is I’m forced to rest, with my foot elevated and warm compresses applied. Nothing to do but visit with family and crochet or knit. Naps are nice, too. I’m limited in my ability to do all the great baking I want. So, I have concluded… if we don’t listen to the whispers of God when He tells us to slow down, He’ll go further and whack you a good one. I hope you all are doing well. Please keep the folks of Kerrville, TX in your prayers.

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💜

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Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20 ESVText within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

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***Gratitude Journal***   Today, I am grateful to be surrounded by family who love me and the ability to rest… even if it IS forced.
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Lisa married me and Mr. FixIt. Forgive me for cropping him out of the picture. His name and his image are mine. I only share stories about him here.
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We were in second grade together. I’d rarely seen a black child before. We met in the line to wash our hands before lunch. I had terrible anxiety, and our teacher didn’t much care for me. She sent my anxiety through the roof to the point I could not eat. And if I didn’t eat, she held back my tray to show my mom when she came to pick me up after school. Mrs. Alexander crossed her arms over her chest and scowled whenever she looked at me.

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As I stood in line to wash my hands that day, I prayed quietly. I asked God to please settle my stomach so I could eat and not get into trouble anymore. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and this little round chocolate-brown face met me with concern. Her name was Lisa.

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“Are you praying?” she asked.

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“Yes. Mrs. Alexander scares me, and I can’t eat. Then I get in trouble every day after school.”

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“Well,” she said with a firm confidence I knew little about. “I’ll pray with you!”

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So, she wrapped her little arm around my shoulders, and we prayed together that God would make me feel better so I could eat. After that, I knew God was always with me and I didn’t need to be afraid because my new friend Lisa would pray with me as many times as necessary till I got through second grade.

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As it turned out, my parents bought a house in another school district, so I didn’t see Lisa again till high school. By that time, we had our circle of friends, and we didn’t really connect till many years later at high school reunions. Eventually, I moved back to my home state of West Virginia and started getting together with Lisa. She had become a pastor and worked with several churches in the area and with Urban Ministries in town. Lisa joined our Divas do Coffee group, and we all enjoyed her stories and warm presence.

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Lisa was funny, yet she didn’t mince words. If you needed correcting, she didn’t care who you were or what the social norms were. You got corrected. She was also the humblest human I’d ever met. She never tooted her own horn. She always made sure those who were considered the fringe of society knew they were loved.

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Lisa died the other day. She was diagnosed with advanced cancer in September 2024. Lisa chose to go on Hospice to maintain quality of life instead of quantity. Her beautiful family put a hospital bed in her daughter’s den where she could watch the comings and goings of her grandchildren and love on them all she could. Occasionally, her daughter would record a video at Lisa’s request. On it, she reassured us all that she was doing fine. She told us she knew where she was going, and it would be glorious to walk with Jesus.

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Lisa never really had much. She worked hard and raised an amazing family, living in the same town where she grew up. She lived in an older neighborhood because that was home. Lisa didn’t put up with any shenanigans from folks who may not have had her best interests at heart. She wasn’t afraid because she knew Jesus resided in her house, so there was nothing to worry about.

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Our friend was in a terrible accident years ago. She stepped out into the street in front of her church. The sun’s glare in her eyes blocked her view of the car that could not stop. She was gravely injured, and the family was called in to say goodbye. Lisa was a strong woman with a lot of fight in her, and she recovered… unfortunately, with memory loss, back and spinal pain that stayed with her the rest of her life. She worked and did amazing things in this town. There was a settlement after the accident, but she did something special with it that she didn’t reveal to anyone.

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I spoke with her daughter at the funeral home yesterday. It turns out that Lisa, in her humble way, created an endowment that would help support the Urban Ministries in perpetuity. No one in her family had any idea she had done this. It was a lesson for all of us in humility, love for your fellow man, and living like Jesus. None of us was surprised by the generosity coming from our stout little friend. It just makes us love her even more and makes her family very proud.

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Miss Lisa, you were a peach, and we’ll miss you! We’ll see you in Heaven!!!

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💜

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Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 1 Peter 5:6 ESV

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***Gratitude Journal***   Today, I am grateful for the friendship I had with Lisa and that she’s singing and praising Jesus in His presence…right…this…minute. I’m grateful for her gentle lessons in humility and the way she jumped out of her chair and danced around the room when I told her Mr. FixIt and I were getting married. “Perfect! A perfect match!!! This is exactly what I wanted for you two.”
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The world has gone bat-stick crazy! It reminds me of The Lord of the Flies when all the kids went feral. Socially acceptable norms seem to have vanished. Especially on airplanes! Did you see the video that was circulated on social media this week? You don’t usually see women as the perpetrators of violence in the public sphere. She had to be physically restrained after hitting, spitting on, and pulling the hair of a woman sitting in a seat. Do I know what led to this pugilistic outburst? No, I do not. But there is no need to act this way anywhere, let alone on an airplane.

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Someone will say the perpetrator was mentally ill or having a breakdown of some type. That may be true… we don’t know. Let me just say this: social media and those who pander for “likes and shares” are just as guilty as the woman doing the spitting. The people filming and sharing, the news outlets flashing it on the evening news, the algorithms promoting violence, and feeding the millions of humans glued to their screens… hooked and reeled in for their drug of choice… dopamine. This magic neurotransmitter in the brain is associated with pleasure and reward. And yes… it is addictive. Being mindful of the amount of time you spend in front of a screen is the first step in recognizing that you may have a problem.

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I guess Boxing Barbie in the video doesn’t recognize that this behavior is inappropriate. So, how do we get the smoke back in the bottle? I’m afraid it’s going to be difficult in this climate. I’m praying that new moms start raising a generation of kind humans who are rewarded with the satisfaction of doing good things and helping people. It won’t be easy, but I still believe it’s doable… someday.

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In the meantime, I hope you realize this was tongue-in-cheek. Violence doesn’t end violence. Love does. I’ll leave my proverbial boxing gloves at home and take a Bible instead. God’s Word is more powerful than anything that could be thrown at me. I don’t take no truck in fighting with people. To quote the infamous Sweet Brown, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

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💜

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Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.   1 Peter: 5-8 ESV

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***Gratitude Journal***   Today, I am grateful for the love and peace I have in my life. I’m grateful for the friends in my life who have become like family to me. We lost three of our senior classmates in the last week. We don’t have time to act a fool. It’s time to share loving kindness. Put it out in the world. Be the shining light on the hill. Be the change!
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-06-20T04:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/06/20/training-for-my-flight.html", "tags": ["Faith","Peace","Anger","Kindness","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/06/10/the-face-in-the-clouds.html", "title": "The Face in the Clouds", "content_html": "\n
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When I was a little girl, I used to lie down on the ground and watch the many shapes that appeared in the clouds above me. Sometimes I peeked through the branches of the tulip poplar my dad planted smack dab in the middle of the yard and imagined fairies and dragons, puppies and buttercups, little girls having a tea party. I wondered if God sat with them, smiling at the innocence of youth. I didn’t know a lot about innocence after the age of seven or eight. That was the summer the boy at the end of the alley trapped me in the garage and molested me. From then on, I found escape in the clouds.

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I’ve always been drawn by the colors of the sky when day transitions to night. I imagined God as the great big cowboy in the sky who lassoed my anger, my pain, my shame, and drew it up to great heights only to toss it in the flames of the sunset so I could be free. So that, even in my young embarrassment, I somehow knew I wasn’t to blame because God brought the flames back so often. Even when the sky is overcast, I know for a fact there is a beautiful sunset behind those clouds…like a secret shared between friends.

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The most beautiful sunsets I’ve witnessed were at the beach where the fire kissed the sea. Still to this day, I like to send all my frustrations, aches and pains, hurt, and anger off to God in the heavens to burn like kindling, bringing me peace. I sleep well after those sunsets…free of any darkness that threatens my qi.

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I don’t pay much attention to the shapes in the clouds these days. I’m more in awe of the brilliant paintings our Creator shares with us. Last night, as I was typing this, I heard Mr. FixIt go out the back door and exclaim, “Whoa! Ginny, come out here and see this!” I padded out in my bare feet, letting the grass tickle my toes and the warmth of the sod send the Earth’s energy through me like a fountain.

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He was right — it was a glorious sunset. We both snapped several pictures on our iPhones, and the last one made me smile. “Someone” was watching me out of those clouds. The first person I thought of was Mr. Virgo, checking in on me…riding on sunbeams to touch my heart. Even though he’s been gone twelve years now, and I’m happily remarried to a wonderful man that he would surely approve of…he is never far away, even when he’s riding in the clouds with Jesus.

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💜

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He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. 147:3

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***Gratitude Journal***   Today, I am grateful that God brings me the remembrance of loved ones passed and heals my heart with a sunset.
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Venus’s Looking Glass

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When I started carving out patches of our five acre homestead to devote to the pollinators, there were the usual plants and grasses. Lots of oxeye daisies. I know, they aren’t native and they can crowd out the native plants, but they’re so beautiful! They remind me of the fields on the hill above our house when I was growing up. Now that hill is covered with streets dressed with houses. Still, there are plenty of lovely flowers and every year, something new shows up.

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Heading to the Creek

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Mr. FixIt and I walked down through the pollinators to the creek to see how well he cleaned the ditch out from the flood. He did a great job! It was a lot of hard work. As we were wandering around, I noticed a new flower I hadn’t seen before. A Venus’s Looking Glass! It’s native to North America. You can find them in fields and open woods and along roads. It’s particularly good for pollinators. It’s so delicate and pretty. I’ll watch for more of them. 

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The Eastern Phoebe always nests here. She’s a little late this year.

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Having these pollinator gardens is a lot like that line in Field of Dreams. “If you build it, they will come.” More pollinator gardens means more species of plants, animals, and insects. There are no pesticides or herbicides used on our five acres. I plan to keep it that way. Maybe one of these days, we’ll get some bees. Or maybe chickens!

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Yorkshire Fog

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It was very hot here yesterday…nearly 90° We’ll have rain the next few days so maybe we’ll cool off a bit. I went to see two of the Littles yesterday. Great-grandchildren…I can’t believe that we have four of these little sweeties! It seems like MY girls were little just yesterday.

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I finished the day with a special treat…fried cornmeal mush! So delicious!

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We had a big disappointment yesterday afternoon. Then last night the dryer stopped working. It’s always something isn’t it? But…

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We’ve got Venus’s Looking Glass today! We take the bad with the good. 

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🩵

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“Then God blessed them and said, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.” Then God said, “Look! I have given you every seed-bearing plant throughout the earth and all the fruit trees for your food. And I have given every green plant as food for all the wild animals, the birds in the sky, and the small animals that scurry along the ground—everything that has life.” And that is what happened. Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good! And evening passed and morning came, marking the sixth day.” Genesis‬ ‭1‬:‭28‬-‭31‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   Today, I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who is always with us through the ups and downs of life.

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Image Created with AI by CoPilot
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Bread, in its simplest form, consists of just three ingredients: flour, water, and salt. Yes, yeast is important, but it can also be created with just two ingredients: flour and water. That simple mixture will ferment and create the wonderful, aromatic leavening known as sourdough starter. Once you learn the ropes, you can create a myriad variety of bread to sustain you and your family. You begin to have faith in your yeast to do what it says it will do.

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Thanks for reading Kneading Faith! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

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Just as yeast transforms flour and water into a risen loaf, faith has the power to elevate our lives, even in uncertain times. We slog through life sometimes…dragging our proverbial flour and water around with us, looking for the right yeast to build us up. We may not know where we can go to get the perfect yeast to make us rise. Or maybe we just turn to the farmer to give us all the yeast and flour we could ever need to fill our bellies.

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Even bread can be dull and flavorless unless we use something to season the dough…salt. By adding that ingredient alone, our taste buds dance the tango. But what if I told you there was an additional magic ingredient that would fulfill all your body’s needs beyond anything you could create in your kitchen? They are free for the asking and open countless doors. The Bible says so.

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Those magic ingredients are Faith…and salt. With God through Jesus to provide for all our needs, we lack nothing. We’ll never, ever be alone again. And our Daily Bread will come from the Source, flavored with salt and love. That will keep us steady and fed, even in the worst of circumstances.

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Keep well fed, dear ones.

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ᓚᘏᗢ

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All the holy contributions that the people of Israel present to the Lord I give to you, and to your sons and daughters with you, as a perpetual due. It is a covenant of salt forever before the Lord for you and for your offspring with you.” Numbers 18:19 ESV

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***Gratitude Journal*** Today, I am grateful for the loving and forever companion I have in Jesus. I didn’t give my life to him till I was forty-seven years old. My one regret in life is that I didn’t do it forty years sooner.
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The little lollipop buds of our pink peony (Sara Bernhardt?) have been continually getting bigger and bigger. We knew they were going to bloom any day now. I walked through the yard this morning, and there they were. We have more blooms this year than any since I moved to Mr. FixIt’s little homestead. These are a pretty pink, but the ones out front are much darker. They bloom later because they don’t get as much direct sun. I’ll keep an eye on them and show you pictures. 

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We had a lovely day. A leisurely breakfast (LOVE my grits and eggs!) and  Mr. FixIt snoozed in his Big Red Chair while I had my morning RYZE. When he went to see his doctor last week, we found out that he doesn’t have any immunity to measles. Granted…we aren’t going to be in the hotbed of measles outbreaks, but we have great grandbabies and we wouldn’t want to trade diseases with our beloved little germ bombs. I haven’t had my test yet, but I’ll be flying in June so I want to know and be prepared.

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While we were out, we took advantage of the day. We shopped a little. We found an indoor electric grill that we thought might be convenient for camping. It was $39.99 at Walmart. We decided to stop at Ollie’s just to see what they might have. We picked up things like pruners and a soaker attachment for the garden. And lo and behold…there was the same electric grill for $29.99. I can’t get it for that online, so we picked one up.

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We found a digital special on soda at a local grocery store, so we picked up five twelve packs. We don’t drink a lot of soda, and it’s all sugar fee. But sometimes you just want a fizzy drink, right? By the time we got home, it was after 9:00 and we were fried.  Today is usually my knitting gathering, but one of our gals passed away last week. We’ll see each other at the viewing and funeral on Tuesday. Sandy seemed so young to me, but it turns out, she was three years older than I am. She was such a sweet and kind person and will be missed by all who know and love her.

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We don’t have a single thing on the calendar other than the viewing. Mr. FixIt continues to get better every day, but we postponed out camping trip for this week. He needs more healing time before we do that. I’m sure we’ll find plenty of stuff to do…you know, like mowing. Again. 🙄

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🩵

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“The Lord cares deeply when his loved ones die.”  ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭116‬:‭15‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   
Today, I am grateful for the opportunity my writing gives me to minister to others about the goodness of a loving God.
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#loss, #grief, #friends, #God

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The view under the tractor with the owner deck removed.

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Have you ever done something that made you immensely proud? You know…the kind of thing you really want to tell people but you’re afraid it might be boasting. It’s perfectly acceptable for Christians to take pride in their accomplishments as long as it doesn’t come from sinful pride. The Bible teaches us that pride can lead to self-centeredness and arrogance. However, there is nothing wrong in enjoying the fruits of your labors and taking pride in a job well done, as long as you are giving credit where credit is due. God gives us great gifts and talents, so we need to acknowledge His role in those abilities.

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The mower deck after it was removed. It was so dirty and Mr. FixIt found several big cracks in the belt you see there. It turns the blades.

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To that end, I am immensely proud of a job I did yesterday. The drive belt on my riding mower wore down so the thing wouldn’t move forward or backwards. I went to town on Wednesday and bought a new belt. After breakfast yesterday, Mr. FixIt and I went out to the building to put it on. We watched a couple of videos on YouTube explaining how to do it. The first was how to remove the mower deck. Of course, Mr. FixIt knows how to do that, but didn’t. He is very good about letting me learn how to do things around our little homestead. He was my coach while I did the work.

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Trying to figure out how to get the belt off that pulley with the black rod in the way.

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Removing the mower deck wasn’t that difficult. It is just a matter of removing a few cotter pins then pull the thing out from under the tractor. Let me tell you…that thing is HEAVY so it was great that Mr. FixIt was there to help. Once that was done, we had to push the tractor up on ramps, chock the wheels, and set the parking brake. That moves the tension off the drive belt and makes it easier to remove. I did everything step by step, but when I got to a certain place, the underside of the tractor didn’t look like the video. At this point we were hot and ready to take a break.

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Cleaning the mower deck with a wire brush while Mr. FixIt sharpened the blades.

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I looked up the exact model of Husqvarna we have and there was a video on changing the drive belt. When we watched it, the whole thing became clear and it didn’t take me but a few minutes to get the belt off. Putting it back on was merely reversing the steps. While I was working on the tractor, Mr. FixIt was working on the mower deck. It’s been quite a while since we took it apart so he cleaned the undercarriage, sharpened the blades, and put them back on. When he inspected the belt, it was old and cracked nearly all the way through. So, back to the tractor store for a new deck belt, and some new wheels for the mower deck. When we were checking out, the guys were talking about it being a difficult job and my sweet Mr. FixIt said, “My wife did the whole thing by herself!” The gentlemen were suitably impressed. Most people wouldn’t think of doing this kind of job themselves. I never did till Mr. FixIt came along. Doing this job ourselves saved us at least $300 and in this economy, that’s a lot of money.

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It looks a lot better after Mr. FixIt blew the old grass off with the compressor.

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I was proud. I am so grateful God blessed me with a brain that can figure out how to take things apart and put them back together again. He gifted me with mechanical skills that are normally not considered things that women do. That feeling of pride took me back to my childhood. My dad and I didn’t have a close relationship, but when I was young, he laid me across the fender of a pickup truck and showed me how to change the spark plugs and the oil. Even though I really didn’t do anything, my dad always set me back down on the ground and told me what a god job I did. I have so few warm memories of him, but that’s one I cherish.

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A dirty and sunburned face means a a lot of work has been done.

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It’s going to rain most of the day today, so the tractor will have to wait till tomorrow. In the meantime, I need to bake bread again and get ready for tomorrow’s college graduation party for the youngest of the FixIt family’s grandchildren. 

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Life is good, y’all!

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🚜

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“Do your planning and prepare your fields before building your house.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭24‬:‭27‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***  
Today, I am grateful for the gifts God has given me and the health and strength to use them.
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The sun was out all day long. The wind had died down and even though today’s high was only 57°, it was warm in the sun. After a good breakfast, I de-winterized the camper so I could use the water. Having hot running water in the camper and a working toilet are big bonuses when you’re out for as long as we are this trip.

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Mr. FixIt got the fishing gear together while I did the dishes and cleaned up the inside of the camper. Then he took a nap while I started knitting a pair of socks with the yarn Gail gave me. We drove up to Kitty Hawk to the Walmart to get bait. There is a Harris Teeter next door and we both love that store. We’d been discussing our special dinner out that we always have once during our trips down here. The restaurant we usually go to hasn’t been as good the last couple of times, so we looked around at others. Finally I said I could make a much better meal for far less and we wouldn’t have to get dressed up. Wow…my priorities have sure changed as I’ve….um, ripened. lol

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Harris Teeter is owned by Kroger, who also owns King Soopers, City Market, and Smiths among others. They are a more upscale store and have a wonderful selection of foods. We picked out a two-pack of t-bone steaks that looked great and were only $10 a pound, which is pretty good these days. We can’t even remember the last time we had a steak…let alone a t-bone. We bought a couple of baked potatoes and some asparagus. The entire meal cost less than what one meal would have cost us at a fancy restaurant We had so much fun cooking together and enjoying our treat. 

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By the time I got finished cleaning up it was time to go over to the marina to see the sunset. It certainly didn’t disappoint! We love going over there every night. The sunset is different every day. Sometimes they fizzle out. But other times…wow, they’ll knock your socks off. We came back to the camper and had a sliver of pie and a hot beverage and so ended the first full day of our trip. 

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We think we’ll get to fish at the old bridge today. Hopefully the wind won’t be gale force like it was one time we went. It was ridiculous. But you have to take what you get when you come to the beach at this time of the year. 

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🩵

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“the birds in the sky, the fish in the sea, and everything that swims the ocean currents.”   ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭8‬:‭8‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   Today I am grateful for the way God paints the sky for us…ever morning and every night. The thing to remember is, even when our view of them is obscured by the clouds, the beauty is still there. Just like God is still there, even when we can’t see or feel His presence. Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.   Hebrews 11:1
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-04-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/04/14/what-a-glorious-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Camping","Be Joyful!","Joy"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/04/09/a-change-of-heart.html", "title": "A Change of Heart", "content_html": "\n
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Image created by Ginny McKinney using Meta AI

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I have some very special friends. You know the sort. They’re the ones you can pick right up where you let off. The kind who sees your name pop up in caller ID and you can hear the delight in their voices. Terri is one of those friends. She’s been with me through thick and thin for…oh my goodness…nearly forty years. I can’t even remember exactly how we met. She helped me through a difficult divorce. She celebrated with me when I found and married Mr. Virgo. Then she held me up when I grieved his loss. She is my sister in Christ whose wise counsel I covet. We pray for and with each other. I love her dearly. When I go to Colorado for visits by myself, she has a “suite” ready for me. I usually get to visit her a couple of times during every trip. 

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I’ve been struggling a little the last few weeks. I’ve involved myself in the news (noise is more like it) far too much and I found anger, fear, and sadness nipping at my heels. I started praying about it and asked God to help me with this. He put it on my heart to talk with you about it this week…hence my last few posts. I had an appointment in town yesterday. I arrived early, turned off the truck, and invited Jesus to come sit with me for a little while. We didn’t say anything. We rarely do. He knows my heart and what I need, and when He knows I’m ready for it, he presses something into my heart much like pressing a coin in the hand of a child wanting ice cream.

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“Call Terri.”

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I dutifully picked up my phone and dialed her number. (I’ll paraphrase.)

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“Well….how are you doing, Miss Ginny?”

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“I’m struggling with this dystopian society I find myself living in.”

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She immediately began speaking about Christians and judgment, anger and the enemy, control and release. My biggest takeaway was this…it is not our place to judge anyone. I am no less guilty of talking bad about those I view as “the other side” than they are. This stems from investing in worldly things. The enemy is in the middle, pitting one against another. He thrives on chaos, angst, retribution. He prods us to think we are “better than those who we deem destroyers of peace.” Terri spoke with an earnest, unbroken cadence that held my attention. And with each profession of the Holy Spirit, I felt the angry thoughts falling away from me. 

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Does it mean I don’t still have strong feelings? Does it mean my anger and disillusionment will simply fall away and the void filled with songs like Kumbaya? Hardly. But her rapid fire witness shot holes in my preconceived notions that were too readily leaning towards an us vs. them world. I am, after all, a fallible human.

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She helped me gain some perspective and led me toward a change of heart. Anger and frustration breed the very divisiveness I rale against. And who am I to assert myself as judge, jury, and executioner? That isn’t very Christian of me. To quote Terri, “Our only job here is recruitment…to lead others toward the Light to a relationship with Jesus.” It is not our job to solve problems that are not ours to solve.

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But, isn’t that relinquishing control? Literally, yes…when you’re trying to control something that is not yours to control. Give it to God. There’s another side of relinquishing control. It’s called accepting responsibility. It’s about taking care of the assignment we came here to do. To do the things we DO have control over. Our vote and our voice. And the liberal application of self-restraint, forgiveness, charity, grace, and love. Towards EVERYONE…no matter what color hat they wear. No one said it would be easy but the way is narrow.

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I know…on my own…I don’t have that kind of strength and patience. But I have a Father who loves me, a Holy Spirit who guides me, and Jesus who walks by my side every step of the way. All I have to do is listen closely, follow directions to the best of my ability, and grow with every lesson and experience. To love Him with all your heart and all your mind with all your strength. And let Him do the heavy lifting.

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God doesn’t ask any more of us than that.

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🩵🌷🩵

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““Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.”   ‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭6‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful for dear friends with wise counsel and a strong faith. Iron sharpens iron.
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-04-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/04/09/a-change-of-heart.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices","Change","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/03/03/prayer-works.html", "title": "Prayer Works", "content_html": "\n
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I finally had some quiet time here at the house with Mr. FixIt at bowling. First, I tore my closet apart looking for those things. Then I decided to go to the source. I put on some soft meditation music, closed my eyes, and asked the Holy Spirit to help me find my lost hard drives. I sat quietly, breathing deeply, clearing my mind.

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I kid you not, I opened my eyes and walked right to them! And here’s the kicker…they were on the desk in the office! I have looked in the office countless times. I’ve even moved this bag to the side…more than once. I simply could not see them. I immediate said a prayer of thanksgiving. I was so excited.

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I picked up the biggest hard drive, plugged it into my laptop, opened the tax program, and voila! The program found our 2023 tax return and populated the 2024 forms in 30 seconds. Now all I have to do is plug in the numbers and we’re off to the races! This is how God works in our lives. He loves for us to come to him with all our problems, no matter the size or importance. He’s so, so good to us!

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Other than cleaning up my mess from tearing the bedroom apart, I really didn’t accomplish much more than that. I enjoyed watching some how-to videos on YouTube. I FaceTimed with the girls, texted with Big and Little, and called my brother. I missed a call from my sister-in-law but we’ll talk today sometime. Sunday evening is when I catch up with family. I always called my mom on Sunday evenings. This is such a nice way to carry on that tradition.

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It’s been pretty cold again here. I actually might get to sleep in the camper on Wednesday night for the first time this year! I love sleeping out there. I can hear the night sounds all around and feel the breeze. It’s the closest I will get to sleeping outside under the stars. I tried to sleep outside once, but there was a constant breeze and I could not settle down. Well, that and the fact that it was in my backyard in the Rockies and there’s coyotes, mountain lions, and bears out there! I know this because I slept in Little TOW-Wanda in front of my house the first summer after Mr. Virgo died. I woke up to a low growl, peeked out the window, and there was a mountain lion right below me. I quietly closed the window and went back to sleep. I know a bear can break into a camper, but at least I’d have some metal between me and the beasties!

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Today is knitting group and I’m looking forward to that. I found a couple little cross stitch kits I saved from my shop. I think I’ll start one. And, I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have these hard drives back. One less thing, right? Hope you had a nice weekend!

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☘️

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“these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭2‬:‭10‬-‭11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   Today I am grateful for the quiet time I spend with God, seeking guidance and listening for the Holy Spirit. Even in the little things.
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-03-03T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/03/03/prayer-works.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/03/02/the-lone-pine.html", "title": "The Lone Pine", "content_html": "\n
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When I wake up in my “inside bed” and look out the window, I see the sun hitting the ridge line on the other side of the near field. Through the bare bones of the deciduous trees stands a lone pine tree…tall and statuesque. I smile when I see her in her evergreen glory watching over the valley floor below. We have some mighty winds that come through here from time to time and I always worry that one day I’ll look up and she’ll be gone.

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This lone pine has stood there for decades since she broke through the emergent layer of the forest…thin shoots of oak from acorns and pine from pinecones and all the underbrush that grows beneath the towering trees. It’s not easy for them to make it to their grand heights. There’s steep competition for sunlight and nutrients not to mention the threats of disease and injury.

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Since I’ve been back in West Virginia, I’ve been intrigued by the myriad varieties of trees growing in the hills of Appalachia, so I’ve been studying them. Every once in a while, I’ll see a walnut or hickory tree growing when they aren’t really close to others of that ilk. Interestingly, squirrels are natures most prolific tree planter. They bury seeds and nuts here and there to sustain them over the long winter months when food is scarce. Fortunately for us, they sometimes forget where they buried them all so they sprout and can grow into trees. They’re the little furry Johnny Appleseeds of the forest.

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There’s a hickory tree along the driveway out at the farm. I usually gather up the nuts when they’re still encased in their hulls. Sometimes I dry and hull them, but there’s never enough to do anything with. Usually I set them out on the front porch and eventually the squirrels or chipmunks find them, leaving the dried hulls behind as evidence.

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It made me think about the good things we leave out in the world unseen. The things that may feed us when times are lean, or that feed others when they’re in trouble. Things like kindness, charity, goodwill, honor, diplomacy, friendship…love. Things that we give to the world and to others knowing full well they cannot give in return. These are the things that show the true character of us as a people. Standing up for the downtrodden is the most honorable thing we can do. Our forefathers died to lift up the least of these in the image of Christ. 

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Whether planting a tree or planting the seeds of love, it’s a noble thing indeed. Let us always strive to be the beacons of light for those less fortunate.

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☘️

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“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭17‬:‭14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful that I have Jesus as a Savior and a role model.
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-03-02T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/03/02/the-lone-pine.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Love","Courage","Kindness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/02/21/looking-ahead.html", "title": "Looking Ahead", "content_html": "\n
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While I’m all about mindfulness and staying in the moment, I do need something to look forward to. The promise of camping in the spring helps get me through the winter. I give things to God to carry, and He directs me toward something to get me through trying times…step by step. 

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We are heading into uncertain times here, so I was searching for something reassuring. I know God laughs at us making our little plans. Last night, I sat at my computer and created a monthly banner for my blog to get me through the next four years. I don’t know why, but that small activity centered me and gave me a focus. Sometimes it’s just the little things we can do help us stay focused.

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There’s one thing I am absolutely certain of…Jesus is always with me through every storm, up every mountain, and down to the deepest, darkest valleys. And He can be with you, too. He’s so kind and well-mannered. He isn’t intrusive. He waits till He’s invited. I honestly don’t know how people can get through the trials and tribulations of life without Him. Sometimes God leads us into rough waters…not to drown us, but to cleanse us. 

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I was just telling Mr. FixIt yesterday that I need to get back out to The Farm for my annual tax marathon. It’s time. The weather will improve next week with some warm days. That will be perfect porch-sitting weather. I need that!

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🩵

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“To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.”   ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2‬:‭21‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   Today I am grateful that God directs me to the ways that bring me peace and that I am open to listen to His guidance.

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#Jesus, #Guidance, #Tribulations

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-02-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/02/21/looking-ahead.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/02/13/dismantling-christmas-and-getting-good.html", "title": "Dismantling Christmas and Getting Good News", "content_html": "\n
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Ever since the Covid lockdown, I’ve left the Christmas tree up till Super Bowl Sunday. We were so excited by the game, I didn’t even think of it. Mr. FixIt had an appointment in town yesterday so I stayed home and started taking the Christmas decorations down. And of course, since I’m a multitasker, I started a triple batch of Kate’s Soft Sourdough Sandwich Bread…my new go-to for baking bread, rolls, pizza crust, and cinnamon rolls. As I write this, it’s 11:00pm and I’m going to be up late baking again. Actually, I kinda like having the house quiet while I work on projects.

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I received some good news yesterday. Hubby #2 has been getting dialysis three times a week since his kidneys stopped working after his heart transplant. The last few weeks, he’s been having tests to see if he could get approved for a new kidney and he finally got the call Tuesday. He’s on the list! His transplant team are perfectionists so the kidney has to be an exact match. It could be this week, or next. We don’t know. But I know he covets your prayers so if you would please pray for the right donor for him, we would all be so appreciative.

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This last year has been very difficult for our family. With nearly losing my daughter’s dad and my other daughter’s mother-in-law, we’ve all grown so much closer. In 2000, my second marriage didn’t end well and there was a lot of lingering pain. As I was walking through all that, I decided my anger wasn’t helping anyone. So, whenever he popped into my mind, I prayed earnestly for his happiness and for God to heal my family. Being the instant gratification girl that I am, I wanted it done in a hurry…thank you very much. Over time, that prayer turned into my salvation as I came to Christ in 2004. 

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Hubby #2 went on to marry a wonderful Christian woman. And I met and married Mr. Virgo. We were both happy for the other, but there was still a difficult distance. As you know by my embrace of Mrs. FixIt 1.0, I wish always to have a familial relationship with my exes. I think it’s better for us and better for the kids. As you can imagine, facing the prospects of an early death created a spiritual journey for #2 and Jesus created an awakening in him that opened his heart to a renewed friendship with me. We text when he’s in dialysis. I share spiritual messages with him and I know how much he appreciates that. When I see a short video when a message, I copy it into a message and leave it in my phone. As the two days between dialysis pass, I add more so that when he’s at the kidney center, he’ll have good things to contemplate. This has healed both of our hearts immeasurably and takes me back to those early prayers in 2000.

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“Lord, heal my family.” And look what He’s done! More than I could have ever imagined. 

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God is Good…ALL the time!

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🙏🏼

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“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭14‬-‭15‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***  Today I am grateful for the friendship and fellowship I enjoy with my former husband. God not only healed my family…He gave us a totally new relationship. We are now brother and sister in Christ and I couldn’t ask for anything more beautiful than that. 

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-02-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/02/13/dismantling-christmas-and-getting-good.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Baking","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/02/10/fly-eagles-fly.html", "title": "Fly Eagles Fly!", "content_html": "\n
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OMGosh! Did y’all watch that Super Bowl game??? Mr. Virgo was a diehard Eagles fan so I have to root for them. I’m nearly hoarse from screaming with every sack and touch down. Now, don’t get me wrong…I really like the Chiefs and I think Mahomes is a talented quarterback. But, if they’re up against the birds…I gotta go with Philly.

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I’m always eager to see the Super Bowl commercials and I have to say…I loved all the messages of peace and love and kindness. I always love the commercials from He Gets Us. They had an uplifting message that spoke of Jesus’ attributes. This year’s message was about greatness. Jesus’ idea of what being great really means. You can find it HERE.

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I think the funniest commercial was for Doritos where the aliens are trying to “beam up” his bag of chips. I thought the puppy-monkey-baby was ridiculous. And, while I like some rap, I don’t care for Kendrick Lamar or explicit lyrics. Not that you could make out anything he said. I even went on the internet to get the lyrics for his playlist and, besides being riddled with profanity…I just didn’t get it. It was like reading Greek. I guess I’m too old for this. Edit: I actually read an article that explains it. I kept telling Mr. FixIt that it felt like a protest song but I wasn’t getting it. Turns an out, that’s exactly what it was. It was about racism. Now I I get it.

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I’m going to knitting group this morning and other than Mr. FixIt having a medical appointment on Wednesday, we don’t have anything scheduled. That is fine with me. When we don’t leave the house, I don’t add miles to my truck and I don’t spend money. Win-Win! 

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Hope you had a nice weekend. We’re supposed to get another snowstorm tomorrow into Wednesday so it’s nice to be cozy in the house.

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💜

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“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2‬:‭3‬-‭4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful for the technology that allows me to see my Colorado family via FaceTime. I really miss them and I love catching up on Sundays. 
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#SuperBowl, #Eagles, #hegetsus

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-02-10T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/02/10/fly-eagles-fly.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Fun"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/02/05/the-house-on-storm-king.html", "title": "The House on Storm King", "content_html": "\n
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I posted a picture on here the other day of the first big snow after Mr. Virgo died. It made me think of my sweet little farmhouse up one the op of the hill. I had the best view in the neighborhood. When I first had it built, I furnished it to look like an English country cottage. Since it was just Daughter #2 and me living there, we were very comfortable with the shabby chic, girly look. But once Mr. Virgo came into the picture, that only lasted about six months before he asked if I had given any consideration to redecorating. 

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I took the hint and we set to turning the house into something more sophisticated. Something a man like Mr. Virgo would like. He had more expensive taste than I did and I had never lived in such a nicely appointed house before. Even when I lived in the big house with Hubby #2, our home was still pretty much “Early American Garage Sale.” 

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You know…life is what happens when you’re making other plans. I ended up getting rid of almost all of my beautiful furniture when I sold the house and moved to West Virginia. There are many pieces I wish I still had…like this console. It was painted brick red with delicate designs on it. I miss that incredibly comfortable couch. It was down filled and gorgeous. My elderly aunt gave me her second husband’s roll top desk. There was an alcove in the living room when I kept the desk so I could look at it. Eventually, we bought a long cabinet for the electronics and put the TV on the top. I had a darling round table in the breakfast nook. The bedroom furniture was more Mr. Virgo’s taste than my own. It was dark and heavy with carved pine cones. But still, it was beautiful. 

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When I moved into Mr. FixIt’s house, the furnishings were much more my taste. It’s more like what I had pre Mr. Virgo…comfortable, homey, and lived in. Really, the only new things that I brought in were my grandma’s jelly cupboard, a desk that I bought, the entertainment center that I use in the office to house my appliances, and the two Big Red Chairs we bought with one of the stimulus checks. I don’t need fancy things anymore. I just need comfy and serviceable. 

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And Mr. FixIt. HE is my home. By the way…he wants me to tell you all thank you for the many heartfelt birthday greetings. I have asked him not to comment on my blog himself since I keep his picture under wraps. I give so much of myself in my writing…he’s all MINE! He went down to the creek today to make sure the ditch was clear. We’re supposed to start getting a lot of rain this week. 

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I also want to thank you all for the kind words and prayers when I got hurt last week. They really helped and I’m feeling much more like myself. I’m not getting headaches now. You all are awesome!

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💜

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“My people will abide in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.” Isaiah‬ ‭32‬:‭18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***
Today I am grateful for the skills I’ve learned to keep us fed, clothed, housed, and safe. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
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#Faith, #Home, #Marriage

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I went to knitting group yesterday morning. Even though it was only 17° when I walked out the front door, I was determined to hang with my home girls and catch up. We haven’t gathered since the first week of December so were all really excited to see what was going on with the group. I got about three inches of the market basket done. It’s coming out great and it will be perfect to sit by the Big Red Chair to hold my knitting.

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I haven’t been over the hill to our little burg in a minute so I enjoyed visiting Carolyn at the Quilt Shop and the nice gal at the Assessor’s Office. When I got home, I fixed us a very late breakfast. I made egg sandwiches on those sourdough English Muffins I made last week. We still have a few left and they won’t last much longer. I fed my starter yesterday morning and by this evening I prepared my pre-ferment, or levain as it is called. I’m going to bake a couple of loaves of RuthAnn Zimmerman’s Soft Sourdough Sandwich Bread today.

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After our brunch, we headed over to The Farm to check on things. We haven’t been out there for a little bit because of the holidays and all this snow. I was relieved when I pulled into the driveway and there were no tire tracks or footprints indicating someone had been there. So, imagine my dismay when I walked in the back to and immediately knew someone had been in there! Every cabinet and drawer were open…all over the house. They even went in the attic crawl space…either looking for drugs or something of any value. Of course, they were met with a whole lot of nothing. The house has been pretty well emptied out except for some pieces of furniture a la Goodwill.

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I couldn’t figure out how they got in. The doors were locked. When I searched around, I found the small window open in the kitchen off the back porch. I was so sad. I felt so violated. It made me mad! Every year I declare that place as holy ground, but I was a month or so late this time. We contacted the State Patrol and I’ll talk to a deputy tomorrow. I secured each window, but like my PopPop used to say, “A lock is for keeping the honest people out. It won’t keep the bad guys out.”

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I told Mr. FixIt, this will not deter me from having my sabbaticals out there, but I’ll have protection with me when I go! I’m calling in all the Angels to guard and protect my grandma’s house.

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❄️🩵❄️

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“Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need.” ‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭28‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful the thieves did not damage anything at The Farm and God kept it safe from harm.
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#breakingandentering, #robbery, #TheFarm, #Violated

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-01-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/01/28/feeling-violated.html", "tags": ["Faith","The Farm","Anger","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/01/26/give-us-this-day.html", "title": "Give Us This Day", "content_html": "\n
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I've been doing a lot of baking lately. It gives me great satisfaction to provide sustenance from my own hands. Bread has just three ingredients…flour, water, salt. With these simple every day pantry items, you can bake bread without preservatives or additives and it tastes much better than anything you can buy in a shoppe.

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I measure, add, stir, and knead the dough as I meditate on life. The good things and the challenging things. Sometimes I pick up a thought or phrase in my reading and writing that I mull over as I stretch and fold the dough. If you've made your own leaven by capturing the wild yeasts that create sourdough, it's a much longer process to get that perfectly crispy, aromatic loaf that permeates the entire house. More effort for the work yields better results. (Colossians 3:23)

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I listened to a short \"sermon\" from Trent Tribe on FB yesterday and it took me on a meditation on bread…specifically, the Bread of Life. Then I saw a meme from Kelsey Piggott that was brilliant…

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“God gives us the ingredients for our daily bread…but He expects us to do the baking.”

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We can read the Bible and thump our chests and scream from the rooftops about what good and faithful Christians we are. Or, we can quietly and calmly take Jesus at His word.

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“For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.” ‭‭2 Peter‬ ‭1‬:‭5‬-‭9‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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Culture seems to be defining who a Christian is by warping and twisting the words and meanings of Scripture. The enemy can lure us into thinking we are doing God’s work when indeed…we may be doing just the opposite. 

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Not every insight or vision comes from God. The Bible says that people should test spirits to see if they are from God, and not to believe every spirit. (1 John 4:1-21 ESV) There is something terribly wrong when a person of strong faith speaks scriptural tenets like love and compassion and kindness only to be ostracized and called nasty. Terribly wrong.

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When we have the love of Jesus in our hearts, we are stepping out into the world every single day and representing Him. We have fed on the Bread of Life and that aroma follows us every step of our journey. Speaking goodness and light into the world can be met with anger and ugliness. It may even make us a target for hate. But please…don’t let that ever keep you from sharing your daily bread with others.

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Remember, iron sharpens iron and we can improve each other through collaboration, feedback, and challenges. (Proverbs 27:17 ESV) Speaking out against injustices, discrimination, and downright meanness IS displaying the character of Jesus. 

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🙏🏼

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Blessed are the PEACEMAKERS, for they will be called the children of God. Matthew 5:9 ESV

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***Gratitude Journal***\nToday I am grateful for the opportunities God brings me to share Jesus with others who may not know Him. My experiences and the testimony of my journey to finding Him is the greatest gift I have ever received.\n\n#Devotionals, #Kindness, #Jesus, #DailyBread
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-01-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/01/26/give-us-this-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grace","Kindness","Devotionals"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/01/24/move-along-now.html", "title": "Move Along Now", "content_html": "\n
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It’s starting to feel like Groundhog Day around here. Every single day is the same old thing…coffee, breakfast, dishes, 2nd cuppa, snack, dinner, dishes, snack…all to the accompaniment of SNOW. I’m over it already. I haven’t seen grass this year. Everything is 100 shades of white.

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The world goes quiet when it snows. I like quiet. I remember snowshoeing in foot deep powder at night in the mountains of Colorado. The snow made a sound like bacon frying in the other room…a soft hisssssss. That and the sound of my snowshoes swooshing forward with every step was a meditation. The air so crisp and cold your nose hairs froze. This was in the days before portable electronics dominated our every move. You could get away, deep in the woods, and not another soul around save for a little ermine hopping across the open spance, the little black tip on the end of his tail the only way to discern it from the snow.

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I’ve noticed far less traffic in the last couple of weeks. School has been out or delayed because of snow and low temperatures so there aren’t as many folks out and about. We’re all hibernating at this time of the year. I know sitting in the Big Red Chair and crocheting or knitting seems to me the only thing I can get done…besides baking and cleaning the kitchen. It’s ok…it won’t be long till we’ll be spending the days outside in the hot sun, mowing and keeping up with the outdoor maintenance. Still…I’m kinda done with the snow thing.

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January is SOOOOOOOOOOO long!

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❄️🩵❄️

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“From its chamber comes the whirlwind, and cold from the scattering winds. By the breath of God ice is given, and the broad waters are frozen fast.”
‭‭Job‬ ‭37‬:‭9‬-‭10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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Gratitude Journal
Today I am grateful for people who speak of the Lord as an example of the values we should seek in this life…even in the face of consternation of others. It is a sign of quiet strength and obedience to do that.

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#obedience #faith #winter

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-01-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/01/24/move-along-now.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","Peace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/01/22/you-are-precious.html", "title": "You Are Precious!", "content_html": "\n
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When we find ourselves navigating rough waters, it’s easy to start feeling helpless and it’s not a long stretch to hopeless and worthless. The path behind us may have felt much lighter than the rocky road ahead and you may wonder how you will ever navigate this new world. If that’s happening to you, know God is always with you and he’ll never leave you.

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You aren’t alone…you are precious!

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When it’s difficult to find the motivation to get up off your couch and do something other than doom-scrolling or mindlessly playing games on your phone or computer or watching endless TV, just remember…dark times never last forever. Darkness, fear, and anger does not come from God. It comes from the enemy. The Bible tells us we will have trials and tribulations in this world, but fear not because Jesus has overcome the world. If you feel tired or defeated, ask God to come sit beside you and give you a pep talk.

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You aren’t alone…you are precious!

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There are so many things you can do to lift your spirits. I was feeling pretty bummed this week so I got my big mixing bowl and ingredients and mixed up the dough for a loaf of artisan sourdough and a batch of English Muffins to do an overnight ferment in the fridge. I will do some baking today. I may even make some sandwich bread, too. It has been SO cold here in WV. Monday night got down to -9 here. It only got up to 18° degrees here today.

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Please stay warm and safe, my friends!

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❄️🩵❄️

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“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭1‬:‭16‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***
Today I am grateful for my grandma and all those who taught me to cook at a young age. I can make just about anything to keep us fed…deliciously and economically.

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#cooking, #baking, #precious

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-01-22T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/01/22/you-are-precious.html", "tags": ["Faith","Baking","Cooking"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/01/19/more-soup.html", "title": "MORE Soup!", "content_html": "\n
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Even though we still have a container of leftover broccoli cheese soup, I had stew meat in the fridge that needed to be cooked. I have hardly any room left in the freezer. So I made a big pot of beef stew with carrots, onions, celery, mushrooms, parsnips, a small can of diced roasted tomatoes and stewed tomatoes. I added a spoonful of beef soup base from Sam’s, a good spoon of minced garlic, a generous shake of black pepper, just a little salt, and two shakes of Cajun seasonings for a little kick. When you cook by guesswork and your senses, it isn’t easy to make dishes taste the same as those before it. This one came out just perfect. So now we also have two containers of beef stew to add to the leftover rotation.

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Mr. FixIt’s foot looked slightly better today and he said it was no longer hurting like it did Friday night. I believe he got nipped by the cold but not severely. I’ll keep an eye on it. Maybe now he’ll wear boots when he goes out to feed the birds instead of mesh tennis shoes. Men…gotta love ‘em, even when you want to shake ‘em by the scruff of the neck sometimes. 

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I watched Big compete in another swim meet yesterday. They were swimming against a pretty good team. It’s hard to keep up with the scoring of a swim meet. I’ve never really understood all the workings, but it was fun to watch my girl on the screen. When the meet was over, we watched football and that’s pretty much how we spent our day. 

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Oh, I did crochet some more on the market bag. The video that shows how it’s made lasts an hour and a half. I’m making the same size and so far I’ve been working on it since New Year’s Eve and only have about 3-4” done of the sides. My ADHD brain gets easily sidetracked! Ohhhhh…SPARKLIES!!! We’re heading back into a deep freeze today with more snow a low of 4° tonight! 

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Stay warm, my friends…and wear boots when you go outside!

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❄️🩵❄️

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“Therefore, stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming.”  ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭24‬:‭42‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***
I am great full to have lived many years in a state of peace and tranquility. Even in the face of uncertainties, I am grateful to have a warm and safe home, clean water, and fresh food.
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#faith, #cold, #health

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-01-19T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/01/19/more-soup.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","In the Kitchen"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/01/17/the-gratitude-project.html", "title": "The Gratitude Project", "content_html": "\n
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I miss my Gracie. I love that little camper. I miss going out there to write without the TV. I told Mr. FixIt, when we get too old to go camping, she has to stay with us so I can still have my little hidey-hole. I can’t wait for warm weather so I can lay out there at night and listen to the owls. We’re at that place in the year where the time crawls. It’s dark and cold and we haven’t seen the grass in weeks…highly unusual here.

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I’ve gotten into a bad habit lately. I stay up late then sleep (or at least stay in bed) WAY later than I do in the summer. That is good in a way. I’m getting a lot of rest. But it’s not good that half my day is wasted and I’m not getting the projects done that I want to work on. I’ve been trying to figure out what this is. I’m not depressed. I’m just exhausted. Even with all this rest, I’m bone weary this week. I think a lot of people are.

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I’m not going to talk about politics, but I’m sure many of you are worried about the state our country is in. If you’re like me, the uncertainty of what to expect in the coming weeks and months is concerning. I’ve been through a clinical depression in the past…I’m not going there again. So, I’ve decided to focus on GRATITUDE. A Gratitude Journal helped get me through those dark days of depression when I was going through a painful divorce. In addition to the Scripture I leave at the bottom of each post, I’m also going to state what I am grateful for that day.

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Mr. Virgo used to call me Pollyanna because I always look for the silver linings. For ever dark day and bad happening, there is still ALWAYS something to be grateful for. I’ll tell you everyday what I’m grateful for. Please feel free to share your gratitude with us here. We all need to search for the light in our lives. When gratitude is what we focus on it becomes easier to find more things to be grateful for. 

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Who’s in?

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❄️🩵❄️

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“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.” ‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5‬:‭16‬-‭22‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***

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I am grateful for my relationship with Jesus. He walks with me every step of the day and I am never alone. I owe him every praise. I don’t understand the mysteries of God’s ways, but I trust that He loves and cares for his children and has a plan for us.

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#gratitude, #faith, #hope, #weary, #strength

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-01-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/01/17/the-gratitude-project.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/01/14/freedom.html", "title": "Freedom!", "content_html": "\n
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“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” Jean-Paul Sartre

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We all have had challenges in our lives. Health problems, the loss of a loved one or a job or financial security, tragedies of all kinds. These things are all part of life and usually something that’s just…happens. Things look and feel a lot different when something has been done TO you, especially when it comes from a person you trusted. Those kinds of betrayal are especially hard to get over.

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When faced with a betrayal, the wounds go deep. Those cuts leave jagged scars that don’t heal easily. I’ve been betrayed before and in some ways, it was harder to get through than losing Mr. Virgo. Or, maybe I got through that tragic loss because I gained coping skills from the betrayal.

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For a very long time, I carried that pain with me. I shared it with others which only perpetuated the open wound and didn’t offer the healing I hoped it would. It only served to spread the poison around to innocent people and kept me in a dark place. As they say, anger is the poison you take hoping it affects the other guy.

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So, how do we achieve freedom from our pain? It wasn’t till I forgave the perpetrator that I found relief. It isn’t easy. I wanted to hang onto my righteous anger. Then, I finally gave up on it. I wasn’t hurting anyone else but myself. And the best thing I could do for myself and those I love was to give it to God. After all, HE is the ultimate judge…not me. Once I handed it off to God, my heart immediately lightened. As time went by, I even found my compassion for the person who betrayed me. And, this is going to be hard to believe…we became friends again. Not like before, to be sure…but friends, nonetheless. There was a heartfelt apology and contrition which went a long way helping me get over it. I’m well aware…not everyone is afforded the luxury of closure.

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I took that same lesson and have applied it over and over in my life. It seems like the older I get, the less it matters to me what others do toward me. I practice the “let them” school of thought.

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If they want to leave…let them.
If they want to talk about me…let them.
If they want to say ugly things about me to others…let them.

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It’s not my job to police everyone. My job is to love people. It seems the pendulum on “kindness matters” has swung to the deep end, but I’m here to tell you…it will not last forever.

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Light always overcomes darkness.

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Good always overcomes evil.

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It won’t happen over night. It may get worse before it gets better, but somehow…someday that pendulum will started its inevitable turn back toward the center and people will learn to care again. We just don’t know when. Science tells us nature seeks balance. Faith tells us we’re going to a better place but we need to be light bearers while we’re here.

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If God brings us to it, He can bring us through it.

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Let go and let God do what God does.

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❄️🩵❄️

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“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭32‬ ‭ESV

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forgiveness #god #betrayal #love #kindness #let #go #letgo

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-01-14T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/01/14/freedom.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/10/27/im-home-but.html", "title": "I’m Home, But….", "content_html": "\n
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All the way home, I wasn’t quite sure the truck was actually fixed. Something felt off but I decided it’s just getting older…like me. I have creaks and pops from time to time. I made it all the way home with no problems. Got the truck unpacked, unhitched the camper, and was getting ready for bed when I realized I was out of something important. I just hopped back in the truck and drove over the hill to town. On the way back, at the bottom of the hill….you guessed it. The truck died the same way it did before at the beach!

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Unless this is an easy fix, I’m done pouring money in this old truck. I’m sad thinking of the possibilities this might entail. However, I went to sleep with GREAT gratitude that God got me home before the truck bit the berry. I could have been on the top of some mountain somewhere. Or in that tunnel!!! Instead, I got to run into my sweetheart’s arms for a great big delicious hug!

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Life is basically good, y’all. You just get knocked around a little from time to time. That’s all.

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🩵

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“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”
‭‭James‬ ‭1‬:‭12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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#troubles #faith #oldtruck #breakdown

\n\n", "date_published": "2024-10-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/10/27/im-home-but.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/08/08/a-good-heart.html", "title": "A Good Heart", "content_html": "\n
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A lot went on during our trip out west. Things I wasn’t at liberty to talk about at the time but I’ve since gotten permission to share. I haven’t told you a lot of things so I’ll go back in time to catch you up. Three years ago, we went to Colorado in September for my brother’s 70th birthday party. Hubby #2 was there with his wife because we’re all still family and we love each other. I noticed his ankles were really swollen. The first thought that came to mind was, “Something’s wrong with his heart.” I’ve worked in medicine much of my life…I know some things.

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A few months later, he called me to tell me he had a genetic abnormality that caused an enzyme secreted by the liver to harden his heart. There is no cure. There was only one option at the time and that was a medication. It wouldn’t cure the problem, but it could extend his life by a couple of years. The only thing was, the medicine was $125,000 a year. Big Pharma had the corner on the market for people with this very rare condition. We all prayed for him and the gears turned quickly. He was able to get the medication but it was still $1500 a month out of pocket. I’m just grateful he could afford the drug…too, too many cannot.

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The medication did its thing and Hubby #2 indeed had a pretty good couple of years. Till he didn’t. He had an elective surgery then things went downhill quickly. The day we left for our trip to Colorado, I got three calls. My brother was on his way to the ER with chest pain, elevated pulse, and his blood pressure was dropping. My son-in-law’s parents came down with covid. AND, my second husband was being admitted to the hospital for IV medication to get some of the excess fluid out of his body. 

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The trip didn’t get started on the right foot.

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Fortunately, my brother was fine. He just needed some fluids. We made other arrangements to give Ben and Sue time to get over Covid. But there was still no improvement with Hubby #2. He was told the medicine wasn’t working anymore and the only option left was a heart transplant. He called me again to let me know he had lived a good life…he was ready to go. There are three genetic mutations that could cause his disease. Two with bad news…one with good. He thought his genetic mutation was one of the bad ones. That meant, even if he went ahead and got a transplant, the enzyme would harden the new heart and he’d be in the same position in two more years. He didn’t want to get a heart that could truly help someone if he was just going to die anyway in a relatively short time.

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Twenty-four hours later, the entire situation changed. It turned out Hubby #2 had the wild gene…the good one. They were transferring him to Denver for an intensive three days of testing to see if he was a good candidate for a transplant. He told me he was so scared. I told him, “Listen…you’re a doctor. You know you get all the facts first then make a decision. Go. Get the testing. If you aren’t up for it, we’re behind you 100%. Nobody is going to hate you for your decision. If you decide to get the transplant, we’ll be right there making sure you have everything you need. We've got you. God’s got you.”

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His is a story of courage, bravery, and faith. Hubby #2 went on a rocky ride tangling with these three character traits when he looked death in the face. He had excellent mentors to counsel him on his walk. And he has a wife of strong faith to encourage him, to stand beside him and love him through all of this. He had a successful transplant on July 3rd…the day we got to Ben and Sue’s house. Counting the time before he was transferred to Denver, he spent eight weeks in the hospital. He was discharged from the hospital the day we left Colorado to come home. He still has to stay in Denver till three months after the surgery before he can go to his own house.

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I’m so proud of him. It took incredible strength to do what he did. And, I’m so happy for him. My heart breaks for the family who lost a loved one in order to save one of our own. I hope they find comfort knowing there are lives out there saved by their selfless and beautiful gift. I am forever grateful my children didn’t lose their dad and there wasn’t another widow among the ranks.

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God’s hand was on this situation from the beginning.

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Please, if you can…become a donor so you can help others have the chance to live better lives. It means the whole world to the recipients.

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💖

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“Just as water mirrors your face, so your face mirrors your heart.”

\nProverbs 27:19 MSG\n
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#hearttransplant, #heartdisease, #family, #courage, #strength, #bravery, #faith

\n\n", "date_published": "2024-08-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/08/08/a-good-heart.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Family","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/06/17/fathers-day-was-mr-fixits.html", "title": "Father’s Day was Mr. FixIt’s Day", "content_html": "\n
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We knew yesterday was going to be a scorcher. Since we both worked hard on Saturday, and we had the family cookout in the evening, we both figured we deserved a day of rest. And rest, we did. French Toast for breakfast followed by a lot of time in the Big Red Chairs was the order of the day. The kids all called their dad for Father’s Day, which is always welcome. We nibbled through the day and had leftovers from the party for supper, followed by the last of the brownies and homemade ice cream. I gave Mr. FixIt a big container of Atomic Fireballs and an Ancestry DNA kit for Father’s Day. They don’t make Atomic Fireballs anymore and I had to scour the world to get him some!

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We spent time in the pool when the “feels like” temperature outside hit 111°! It was 84 degrees in the house. We don’t run the whole house air conditioner because it makes no sense to cool rooms we aren’t in. We have a series of fans running that keep things at some semblance of comfort. We will resort to the AC this week, though. It’s going to be brutal for the next couple of weeks.

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While Mr. FixIt snoozed in his recliner, I spent the afternoon leaning out the inbox of him email account. I have always had a very bad habit of not deleting emails when I’ve read them. Between that and spam, I’ve accumulated nearly 65,000 unread emails! So, whenever I want to just veg out and not think about anything…which is rare…I sit down with my laptop and use the “sweep” function in Outlook and get rid of a lot of baggage. I always feel a little better after I clean out 5-6K emails.

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We leave on our trip a week from Thursday and there’s still a lot to get done before we go. My list is long, but I’m checking off things every day. I had great visions of getting the curtains made before we leave, but now I’m not so sure that will make the cut. I have to set priorities at this point. On the other hand, sitting at my sewing table in the cool basement may not be such a bad thing. We’ll see. When it gets hot like this, I kinda lose my mojo. lol

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Oh, yesterday, I posted a picture of our sweet little grand-puppy, Cooper. I meant to explain who this good boy was, and it escaped me. Cooper came to our cookout Saturday night and it was the first time I’ve seen him. He’s a five month old English Golden Retriever. Once he got over all the excitement of the new people and smells, he was just happy as a clam up on the deck with us. He eyed the pool, but he didn’t jump in!

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I hope you all are staying cool and safe. Stay hydrated, my friends…and take frequent breaks if you need to be out in the heat. Nothing needs to be done that badly that you make yourselves sick over it. 

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I didn’t get a Prayer Circle posted last night, but if you could please keep my lifelong friend Sharon and her family in your prayers. She has been critically ill the past week so this coming week is going to be filled with challenges. Thank you for always being here and offering prayers when I come to you with requests. You have no idea what you all mean to me.

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☀️

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“While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.””

\nGenesis 8:22 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-06-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/06/17/fathers-day-was-mr-fixits.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/06/04/the-goodness-of-god.html", "title": "The Goodness of God", "content_html": "\n
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We had a good day. An ordinary day. I went to knitting group. Mr. FixIt and I headed to town in the afternoon for a checkup and got an excellent report. I waited in the truck in the shade and knitted, dreamily watching the clouds drift by from my perch on the hill.

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There’s always a little shopping to do. And a little eating. When we got home, we watched the news and as 8:00 rolled around, I headed out to the camper to write. But first, I took my phone down and sat in the path between two of the pollinator gardens and waited. 

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After a bit, I heard deer in the hedgerow around the far field and it wasn’t long till a little doe came out, watching me curiously. She cautiously approach, stomping her front leg and blowing air forcefully through her nose to warn me how big and bad she was. I sat stock still and filmed her dance…forward, stop, stomp, romp around the field kicking up her heels, repeat. It was delightful.

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When she moved on to the creek, I got up to see if any other critters had come out to join me. There, just around the bend sat a beautiful box turtle, head held high in the air, motionless, trying to be invisible. I visited with it for a while, then I went on around to the other side of the garden.

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As dusk settled in, I lay prone on the ground with my camera…preparing for the rising of the lightning bugs. They didn’t disappoint and I was enthralled watching them leaving light trails as they rose and fell.

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The enormity of the peace I felt in my chest spread to the lump in my throat. I nearly missed all of this. So many times I’ve been at crossroads that could have taken me in any number of directions…including an early death. Each decision, each mistake, each achievement…all of it brought me here. 

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There are so many terrible things going on in the world right now. Things that need to be fixed. Things that need to be changed. Things that need our attention and things thrown in our way just to steal our attention from the important things in life.

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Yes…there is bad stuff. Yes…there is evil. But there are SO many who want you to see only the bad things and forget about all the good. There is SO much good in the world. They may not be shouting about it on the front pages or the news desks, but it’s there. Don’t give up! You’re important in this story. You have a huge role to play in this world.

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In the field of quantum physics, it is believed that you taking a breath in this moment affects a molecule at the edge of a galaxy a gazillion light years away. We may be infinitesimally small in the grand scheme of things, but every single heartbeat is important. YOU are important! YOU can affect changes that only YOU were put on this earth to accomplish. Maybe your assignment was to help that young woman who was struggling in 1974. Maybe it was the degree you attained to make a difference to scores of people. Maybe it was nothing more than to lay on your belly in a field of daisies and photograph a picturesque turtle or a dancing deer.

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The thing is…we don’t know what assignments we may receive. Wouldn’t it be a shame if you left us before you got the chance to do that one thing God made you for? 

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Look for the good. And if you can’t FIND the good…BE the good the world so desperately needs right now. 

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I love you…just the way you are.

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🐝

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“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

\nJeremiah 29:11 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-06-04T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/06/04/the-goodness-of-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/03/09/spring-ahead.html", "title": "Spring Ahead!!!", "content_html": "\n
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Ohhhhh, how I’ve longed for spring! And I have to say, with the healthy changes I’ve made in the past year, this winter did not get me down like they’ve done in the past. As a matter of fact, a lot of things have changed in the last year. Not the least of which is my anxiety.

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I’ve dealt with an anxiety disorder for all of my life. Ever since I was in second grade when I had a teacher that terrorized me and a neighbor of who molested me, I’ve dreaded the attacks that seemed to come from nowhere. I planned my whole life around avoiding situations that might be a trigger and it was debilitating. 

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The thing was, except for losing Mr. Virgo, I never experienced a difficult situation WITHOUT suffering severe anxiety. I think the only reason I got through that loss was shock. When I made the drastic change of stopping caffeine and sugar and added the RYZE Mushroom Coffee, I immediately saw a big change. I still didn’t know if it would make a difference during a crisis, but I felt such relief. I figured I’d find out sooner or later when the next stressful situation occurred.

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It’s interesting that when a challenge came that would normally have thrown me for a loop, I felt the adrenaline, but that’s as far as it went. I was dumbfounded. I thought it must have been a fluke. Then another situation and another situation and I found I could cope really well. I can’t express what a relief that is. For the first time in my life, I’m not dreading the other shoe dropping because I know God brought me the answer I needed. He will walk me through anything that comes my way. This is the most liberating feeling I’ve ever experienced!

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We had a gentle day yesterday. A nice breakfast. I am knitting a pair of socks for my dear friend. I am just learning how to customize socks to fit the recipient. Socks are normally too tight for her. So I’m knitting her a pair of roomy socks in an acrylic blend yarn. She doesn't like wool against her skin so I think she’ll really like these.

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I went out to the camper last night to write and as I left the house, there was a nice fat toad on the sidewalk. I took a picture and was really disappointed it was blurry. It isn’t the really big guy that’s been hanging around the last couple of years. I hope that one made it through the winter.

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We are supposed to get rain all day today and maybe even snow flurries overnight. Then next week we are back up in the 70’s. And tonight we spring ahead. It will be lighter later and that’s just fine with me. 

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Someone dear to me is grieving today. Hold your people close, dear friends…and tell them you love them.

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🙏🏼

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”….mourn with those who mourn.“

\nRomans 12:15 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-03-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/03/09/spring-ahead.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/02/26/a-quiet-sunday.html", "title": "A Quiet Sunday", "content_html": "\n
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My devotional this week has been from Joyce Meyer… “Know Your Enemy.” I knew there had to be a verse in the Bible that would speak to my method of study. Hebrews 4:12 says “The word of God is living and active…” I was speaking with a pastor friend of mine when I was a new Christian. I told him I pick up my Bible every day and ask God to speak into my life the words I need to hear. Then I close my eyes, open the Bible to a random page, and place my finger on the page. Invariably, the verse I select speaks to me in that moment. Unless I select all that begatting in Chronicles.

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This pastor was old school and he was appalled that I would consider using the Bible that way. He compared it to divination. I beg to differ. As Hebrews 4:12 states, the Bible is living and active…always and forever. And when I need to hear from God, I find the fastest way to get there is asking Him to talk to me through His word. He never fails me.

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Mr. FixIt went to the bowling alley and I stayed home to finish these mittens. I’m entering them and a couple of babies into the Girl Camper Raffle. It goes live on March 17th. I’ll be sharing a link when we get closer. I may sew some tote bags or maybe a quilted wall hanging. We’ll see.

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Today is knitting group. I really enjoy these gals and love to see what they’re up to. I’ll take the Dragon Scale Mittens with me to work on. The only thing scheduled this week is a couple of medical appointments, I’m happy to say. More fun at Marshmallow Ranch!

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🩵

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”Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.“

\nPsalms 119:105 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-02-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/02/26/a-quiet-sunday.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/02/25/watching-the-snow.html", "title": "Watching the Snow", "content_html": "\n
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It’s not too often I get up before Mr. FixIt but when I do, I make my cuppa and go sit in my Big Red Chair. When I woke up, there was a misty rain coming down and the world was myriad shades of grey. Within ten minutes, the rain turned to snow and big, puffy, marshmallow flakes came down so hard you couldn’t see across the road. I’m usually done with snow by this time of year, but this was so peaceful and perfect. I turned up the gas fireplace and picked up the book I’ve been reading. It was a good two hours before Mr. FixIt came in looking for me.  

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I doubt there are many married women who don’t covet those quiet moment in the house before the family gets up or after everyone has gone to bed. I know I do. I’ve been on my own a few times in my life, and while I am much happier with my sweetheart…I do like a little quiet time. There’s just entirely too much television noise in this house for my liking. When I get the back bedroom fixed up, I’ll be able to retreat in there and work or read or write when I need a break.

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When Mr. FixIt got up, he offered to make oatmeal for breakfast. Oats with blueberries and sourdough toast, to be exact. I enjoyed my breakfast and knitted for a few hours. I’m making headway on the second mitten for the raffle. Mr. FixIt brought in the mail and I received something I ordered to make a special pair of fingerless gloves for Little’s birthday. They are big into cosplay. I stumbled on this pattern earlier in the week and decided to make them. The gloves have metal scales on them…like a mermaid. I know they’re going to be a big hit!

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Some time in the afternoon, I was looking out the door and saw something on the ridge of the far hill. There were twenty-seven buzzards roosting in the trees. I’ve never seen them up there before. They hung around for over an hour and then when I thought to look again, they were gone. Interesting that they showed up on the 4,000th day. Buzzards symbolize death and rebirth, new vision, and letting go. Mr. Virgo always said if there was any way he could contact me from beyond, he would. The Bible tells us this isn’t possible, but I feel God will bring us warm feelings of our loved ones and impress memories on us that make us feel especially close to those we’ve lost. I stand on that…and the hope of seeing all my loved ones again.

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I made a big pot of chicken and noodles for supper. We’ll have leftovers today. Mr. FixIt will go bowling later tonight and I’ll sit in the Big Red Chair and knit to my heart’s content!

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🩵

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”But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.“

\nJames 1:6 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-02-25T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/02/25/watching-the-snow.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/01/29/a-cozy-day-at-home.html", "title": "A Cozy Day at Home", "content_html": "\n
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Mr. FixIt and I enjoyed a quiet day yesterday. I fixed my favorite breakfast…grits and eggs. We watch a few episodes of Bull then I went downstairs to play in my studio. I knitted up the pieces for a little teddy bear that I’ll piece together today at knitting group. He substituted on the bowling team last night so I had a quiet evening in front of the “fire.” I turned on a video of a crackling fireplace, made a nice cup of Massala Chai, and settled into the Big Red Chair. I was in hog heaven!

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It’s hard to believe this is the last week of January! We don’t have a lot on our schedule right now. An appointment in town today after knitting group. Mr. FixIt’s birthday is Thursday. I keep looking for a time on the calendar when I’m free enough to spend a few days at The Farm. Maybe I can get away this weekend for a couple of days. We’ll see.

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I purchased an Echo Show for my brother. It arrived this week and my friend Alice will be setting it up for him next weekend. I talked to him last night and told him we would be able to video chat soon and his main concern was making sure we had clothes on when we call. I reassured him and told him we don’t just drop in on each other. It’s sort of like a phone call…you don’t have to pick up. You just don’t answer if you aren’t presentable. He’s learned so much in the last twenty years since Mom died, but he has trouble comprehending some things.

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I am so grateful God brought him to this place in Colorado. For those of you who may not remember, my brother has cerebral palsy and had always lived at home with Mom. When she died after a brief illness in 2004, he wanted to come to Colorado to live near me. I went to the agency to enroll him for the residential program only to be told there was a ten year waiting list. I was not a Christian at that point, yet I prayed if this was His will, would He please intervene and get him accepted. Three days later, I received a phone call saying my brother had been approved for emergency funding since his primary caregiver had died. They said that wasn’t unusual…you just fill out a form and they approve it. However, they also had an unexpected opening in one of the houses which was highly unusual. But, here’s where it got really interesting…they called everyone on the ten year waiting list and no one could move in by the end of the month. So, if I could get him there…the spot was his! I was dumbfounded and that was the beginning of my search for a relationship with Jesus.

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God is so good to us…all the time!

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🩵

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”And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.“

\nPhilippians 4:19 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-01-29T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/01/29/a-cozy-day-at-home.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/01/09/the-queen-of-football.html", "title": "The Queen of Football!", "content_html": "\n
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I told you my WV family has a just-for-fun competition to guess who will win each college Bowl game. In case there is a tie, you have to choose who will play in and win the Championship Game and what the total score will be. We all share playful banter in a family chat room during the season and celebrate each other as we share our wins and losses. Well, guess what….much to my amazement…I WON! This year, the coveted Football Head trophy will live at our house till next year’s bowl games. It was SO much fun playing with this crazy family I stumbled into. I love these people!

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We had knitting group yesterday morning and we had the usual attendees. It’s always fun. I finally found a small table I can use for the knitting machines. It’s the perfect size and it was only $25. I still haven’t received the 22-needle machine I ordered in early December. If it doesn’t arrive tomorrow, I can request a refund on Wednesday. I’m really disappointed. One of the gals in our knitting group ordered hers the week after I did and received it last week. I know…first world problems. But when you order something and you pay your hard-earned money, you expect to get what you ordered in a timely fashion. Maybe it was on one of those cargo ships that have been attacked in the Suez Canal? Who knows?

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We’ve lost three classmates in the last couple of weeks. I have a few people who need big prayers today. God knows who they are and what they need, but I would truly appreciate it if you would keep them in your prayers. They mean so much to me.

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I didn’t get a lot of needlework done yesterday. I worked on two projects…a Tote of Many Colors and a net produce bag. I thought I’d clean my knitting machine last evening but it didn’t work well afterwards. I think I was too tired and got frustrated so I gave it up for the evening and came upstairs to watch the Michigan-Washington game. I’m hoping I don’t need to go anywhere the rest of the week and I can get some things done around here.

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❄️

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”The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.“

\nPsalm 145:18 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-01-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/01/09/the-queen-of-football.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Prayer"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/12/30/my-morning-with-god.html", "title": "My Morning With God", "content_html": "\n
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I’ll put icing on these today before we sit down with our chili and pulled pork sandwiches.

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Mr. FixIt and I both worked on the house yesterday. He’s great with the vacuum and…God bless him…he cleans the toilets. Let’s just say my aim is far more accurate. Why is it men can see a buck on the hillside three football fields away, but they can’t hit an 18” vessel when they’re standing right in front of it? Am I the only one this bothers? I didn’t raise boys…just husbands,, so I guess my tolerance is a little lower! lol

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I made cinnamon rolls yesterday. And some of that Orange Fluff that my friend Colleen served at our knitting group Christmas party. Then we got the call that my daughter-in-law tested positive for Covid, darn it! We decided to split the party. One half is coming tomorrow with the four littles, and the rest will come at a later date for their Christmas. While I’m really disappointed, it has cut my food prep in half.

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I was up early and for the first time in a long time, Mr. FixIt slept in late and I sat in my big comfy chair and did my Bible study in a quiet house. My dear friend Gail gave me a wonderful Bible for my daily study. It is the One Step Closer Bible that Candace Cameron Burge worked on in collaboration with DaySpring. Each page has space to write notes and capture your thoughts.

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I had my Ryze mushroom coffee, my fuzzy blanket on my lap and I was a happy camper. When I was a new widow, I couldn’t focus long enough to read the Bible and get much out of it. I figured God would understand and I was sure to absorb something. 

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I prayed and asked God to show me a way to find help for my pain. One day I picked up my Bible and prayed. I told God everything that was on my heart and what I was facing that particular day. I sat quietly for a moment, then opened my Bible randomly placed my finger on the page. I was stunned. The passage was exactly what I was asking for. God sent me an answer.

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I did this over and over, day after day thinking it must have been a fluke…a coincidence. But, no. Every time…there was my answer. Even when I was in so much pain I couldn’t even formulate the question, the Lord brought me comforting words every day. The key to this working is to go to the fountain for the drink. You can’t get fed if you don’t come to the table.

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I still do this and it still fills me with a sense of wonder that my God wants to meet me every day, exactly where I am…in the moment. The ultimate practice of mindfulness. It sets me up for a day where I feel balanced…wearing the full armor. And my day just goes so much better. I don’t have the corner on the market on this. I’ve spoken with others that do the same thing. I spoke to the Pastor at my home church in Colorado and he told me I couldn’t read the Bible this way. “It’s not an Ouija board to summon God!” I said, “No, it’s not. But it is my ‘phone booth’ where I get to talk to and hear from God during the most painful time of my life. So I would think you would encourage me to continue talking with Him every day…no matter how I go about it.” I feel very strongly about that. 

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You are so loved. You are enough. You are worthy. You are good. You are beautiful. And God loves you more than you could ever imagine. I know I got preachy here, but I felt compelled to tell you you’re doing a great job. Just keep going!

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🩵

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”No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.“

\n1 John 4:12 ESV\n
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Hiking the dunes on the Outer Banks with Mr. FixIt.

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Mr. FixIt continues to improve. He has a good appetite again. I was working on the computer in the afternoon and he called me to see if I would go to the store and get him some hotdogs and baked beans. He’s eating a lot of fruit and, of course, his Pineapple Upside Down Cake. It’s good to see that smile and his sunny disposition coming back. It’s hard not to give him a hug and a kiss, but I really don’t want to get sick and he would feel terrible if he gave me Covid. So we give a lot of “air kisses” as we pass each other.

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I spoke with my Uncle Bud the other night about the problems Mr. FixIt has been having with the furnace. He suggested we open it up and vacuum out every little crevice and tube we could reach and see if that would help. We did that yesterday. I asked Mr. FixIt to please wear a mask. He doesn’t need all that dust down in his lungs right now and he politely complied. When we turned the furnace back on, it lit up just like it was supposed to. We turned it off and on several times and it worked just right. It still gives off a peculiar odor outside so we still need to have someone come out and investigate that, but the furnace itself seems to be functioning normally now. Three cheers for my man!!!

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It rained here most of the day. Cold, low hanging clouds scudded across the sky. Wet leaves plastered themselves to every available surface. Telltale evidence of small critters getting into the walnuts was apparent near the back gate. I really don’t think it was anything big because I would have heard it out the bedroom window during the night. And there’s been nothing big enough to trip the security cameras to record.

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I fiddled on the computer all day, playing with some designs. It was all prep work so there’s nothing to show for it yet. Maybe tomorrow. I’ve desperately needed this rest. My body has craved down time. My mind is enjoying the gentle rhythms of these slow, rainy days. I do need to start attacking the family room and get that camping gear stowed away. I gave serious thought to sleeping in the camper last night because the low was only supposed to be 53°. But, I just didn’t have it in me to fight with the Asian Lady Beetles and Stink Bugs. I have to go out to the farm in the next couple of days to check the furnace and stoves. Maybe I’ll be able to sneak in an overnight for a little farm fix if Mr. FixIt is feeling up to it. 

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When I got off the phone with my uncle, I was thinking how he’s so much like my PopPop…kind, easy going, slow to anger…quick to love. Quick to love and honor their wives. I smiled when I realized…I married a man just like them. My uncle is handy, resourceful, and can fix anything…just like Mr. FixIt. He cared for my aunt and his sister to the very end. It makes me happy, and proud, to have a husband like the two men I looked up to the most in my formative years. My world feels settled and peaceful these days…something I’ve longed for all my life.

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🍁

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“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

\n1 Peter 3:7 ESV\n
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-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

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We are heading into the Season of Thanksgiving. It is more than a day in which to overindulge in goodies or yell at the refs on TV or watch a parade. It’s a time to consider the blessings we have in our everyday lives. The unsettling circumstances of the world should be an impetus to give us pause…to reflect, to praise, and to feel gratitude for all we have.

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-10-30T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/10/30/good-men-honor-their-wives.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Comfort","Choices","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/10/20/old-wives-tales-and-emails.html", "title": "Old Wive’s Tales and Emails From Beyond", "content_html": "\n
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The Wooly Bear Caterpillar or Wooly Worm

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I’m sure you have heard many sayings about the weather. “In like a lion, out like a lamb.” Here in the hills of West Virginia, we put a lot of stock in some of this lore. My grandma used to say if the leaves of a tree turn upside down, rain is coming. There’s some scientific truth to that. When a cold front moves in, hot air rises and the current upward shows the undersides of certain leaves before the rain comes.

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The Carolina or Giant Wolf Spider, hanging out in the camp restroom.

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One story that intrigues me is that of the wooly bear caterpillar…aka, the wooly worm. Grandma always said there were thirteen weeks of the winter season and there are thirteen rings on a wooly worm. The black rings allegedly indicate harsh weather and the brown predict a milder winter season. I caught this wooly worm out in our field the other day and, if the folk tales are to believed, it looks like we could have a few weeks of mild weather in the middle of winter with harsher conditions in the later half. Let’s remember to revisit that along towards spring, shall we?

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We had several days of really chilly weather here while we were at the beach. What happens in mid to late October after the first real cold snap is something we all dread. The Stink Bugs and Asian Lady Beetles come out of the woodwork and into your house. Yuck! I noticed several lady beetles around the storm door yesterday and stink bugs have been showing up in and around the camper for a few days now. I’ve heard of home remedies for these things, so I’m going to have to do some research and get after them before I have to get the vacuum out to suck them up by the dozens. 

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Scorpion Fly…I found one of these on my windshield this fall.

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So, as I was writing this, I opened my email program to see if I could find a message I was looking for. As soon as the app opened, I knew something was going on. I have over 60K unread messages in my inbox normally. Yeah, I know…it drives my daughter crazy, but I just can’t be bothered to clean it up all the time. Anyway, the mailbox was flipping like an old black and white TV that needs adjusting. It said it was downloading 16 messages. I waited for them to download and it turns out they were the first emails Mr. Virgo ever sent me back in October of 2005 when we were communicating through match.com!!! The first one that downloaded was from…October 20th!!! 👀  Ok…it’s Halloween season and that’s spooky. But, I smiled and said, “Well, hello there! It’s been a long time since I’ve heard from you!”

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I know there’s a lot of scary and ugly things going on in the world right now. I think this is maybe God’s way of sending a message that would catch my attention. “Just keep your eyes looking upward and do your best to spread My Light and Love to your fellow brethren.” Stay safe out there, my friends. Better times will come…He promised.

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🍁

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““And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions.”

\nJoel 2:28 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-10-20T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/10/20/old-wives-tales-and-emails.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/09/18/the-gift-we-give-to.html", "title": "The Gift We Give to Our Children", "content_html": "\n
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We are a disposable society. Gone are the days when Grandma cut the buttons off of worn out shirts or made a quilt using the old blanket inside the new pieced top and backing. Who gets their shoes resoled anymore? The toaster stops working? Get a new one! Our grandchildren and their grandchildren have lost all touch with making do with what you have. Now it’s all the latest and the best of everything. New, new, new!

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Grandma reduced, reused, and recycled everything. Mom’s generation held onto everything but bought more as well. My generation is learning that there’s NO ONE on the planet that wants heavy brown floral couches and avocado green appliances and ugly dishes. There’s a totally different mindset now. They don’t want to work the jobs the way we worked them. And if a marriage isn’t working out, get out as fast as you can and move on.

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Relationships have become as disposable as my old 8-Tracks and it’s sad. Where my generation was all about free love, these kids are all about anger. Granted…if you are truly being abused in a relationship, then by all means get out as quickly and safely as you can. But too many are bailing from the raft before they even figure out they can ride the rough water and come out the other side.

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Our kids were grown with kids of their own when Mr. FixIt and I got together. And I will tell you this one thing is the best thing I could ever have done.

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Learn to love their mother.

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That single thing has created a beautiful family atmosphere for all of us and alleviated a lot of the feelings of divided loyalties that kids go through. It doesn’t matter how old they are, the worst thing you can ever do to your kids is talk bad about the other parent. You might feel vindicated when the children choose you over him or her, but down the road that is going to come back and bite you on the butt every single time.

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I developed this kind of relationship with Hubby #1 and #2, but it didn’t come right away. There seems to be some societal expectation that you are destined to have an acrimonious divorce and hate your ex’s new significant other. It doesn’t have to be that way. Again…I’m not saying this is possible with every breakup. A lot depends on the circumstances that got you there. But there are a lot of missed opportunities if you don’t learn to love your stepchildren’s mom.

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I made specific moves to make sure the Former Mrs. FixIt was included and cared for early on. At my bonus grandchild’s bridal shower, I stayed a step back. This wasn’t my party. I love her like my own, but I didn’t kiss her boo-boos or rock her to sleep. She did. This was her place of  honor. And, by taking that stance, it seems to have cemented a solid friendship I am so blessed to have.We talk on the phone…a lot. We share our bounty. We are walking in the footsteps of Jesus when he told us to love one another. That means EVERYONE. 

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We are heading out to one of our favorite campgrounds today and we’ll be back Friday. I’ll post as usual, because…it’s what I do! I cannot imagine not sitting down and writing my evening letter to you all. It’s really hard for me when I take a break away from writing. My world doesn’t feel right!

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?

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““Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.””

\nJohn 13:34-35 MSG\n
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Christmas Calories Don’t Count! It’s not so much what you eat between Christmas and New Years. It’s what you eat between New Years and Christmas! So…eat the cookie!!!

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-09-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/09/18/the-gift-we-give-to.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/09/11/remembrance-day.html", "title": "9/11 Remembrance Day", "content_html": "\n
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Photo Credit: 9/11Memorial.org

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Those of us who were glued to the TV for days will never forget where we were or what we were doing that dreadful day. We must never forget. For those who forget our history are doomed to repeat it. Our world changed that day…one of those pivitol moments where you can never go back to the way it was before. A collective grief. And now, a place rebuilt from the ashes. A place to remember, but also a place to live…the way those lost would want us to live.

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Let’s remember the camaraderie we felt toward each other in those weeks and months after the disaster. We can get back to that. Let’s make America KIND again. Let’s bring back HOPE, and LOVE, and PEACE.

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Please.

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https://www.911memorial.org/connect/commemoration

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“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.”

\n‭‭John‬ ‭13‬:‭34‬ ‭ESV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-09-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/09/11/remembrance-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Memories","Strength"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/08/01/angel-coins-and-found-feathers.html", "title": "Angel Coins and Found Feathers", "content_html": "\n
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Gifts from beyond. That’s what they call all those found coins laying where you never put them. Or outside your car door every time you open it in a strange parking lot. Mr. FixIt and I found coins all over the place when we were driving home. I found pennies. He found dimes. Over and over again. The feathers are a little different. Mr. Virgo started sending me all manner of birds as soon as he died…especially bluebirds. I always find a feather or two when I’m mowing. I always stop the mower, get off to pick up the feather, and tuck it in the hair above my right ear. Then when I go inside, I empty my newfound plumage on the cabinet in the family room. It was crazy how many feathers I found yesterday. Little bitty ones to the biggest one I’ve found yet here at Marshmallow Ranch. Messages from beyond? Or molting season and holes in pockets. Who knows?

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I like to think it’s our guardian angels watching out for us and leaving little signs that they’re nearby.

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I very firmly believe in guardian angels. When we were in Denver, someone was telling me a story of being a young teen, driving a roadster down the back country roads. There were sunflowers along the roadside n the opposite side of the road and he was happily letting them run through his fingers as he drove along…not a care in the world. Then, out of nowhere, a stern voice called him by name and said, “Get over in your lane…NOW!” He did, and just then, a big poultry truck came roaring up over the hill right in front of him.

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When I was a young girl, I was trapped in a garage by a neighborhood teenager and was sexually assaulted. For all my life, I wondered where God was and why didn’t he protect me. After Mr. Virgo died, I had several EMDR sessions to ease my PTSD. When I was stabilized, I asked my therapist if EMDR would work on past trauma and she said it certainly would. I scheduled another session to work on the events of that scary summer day when I was seven years old. My therapist guided me to focus on her finger moving back and forth creating a rapid side to side eye movement that helps your brain process trauma and store it normally with all your other memories.

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We were on the last pass when I gasped and threw eyes open wide. She stopped and asked me what I saw. At first I wasn’t sure how to describe the vision I had. I could see myself in my little white dress, barefooted in the dim garage with a sunbeam catching the swirling dust motes. I was standing stock still…listening as a voice from far away called me to draw my attention. 

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“Here! Over here! I’m with you…you’re ok. When I tell you, grab Karen and run.”

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The boy was doing things I knew were bad, but I was afraid if I moved, he’d hurt Karen. So I stood very still and listened. Suddenly the voice said, “Run!” So I grabbed Karen’s hand and ran as fast as I could out of there. 

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In the last sweep of the EMDR session…I saw her. My Guardian Angel. She was mighty and stern…one hand pointing in the direction I was to run…the other holding a strong sword out toward the bad boy. 

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So, yeah…I believe.

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?

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“Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings”

\nPsalms 17:8 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-08-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/08/01/angel-coins-and-found-feathers.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","God","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/07/18/counting-on-god-to-keep.html", "title": "Counting on God to Keep Us Safe", "content_html": "\n
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Land’s sake…it sure was hot here yesterday! We drove up to the mountain town I lived in for twenty-eight years. Coming through the mountains presented a different vista around every turn. And again, God kept us safe. Just moments after we drove through the Eisenhower Tunnel, a car caught fire right inside the tunnel! The traffic had slowed down just as we headed in and remarked to Mr. FixIt how I hate going in when it looks like that. Turns out there was a reason for my unease, but God got us through it unscathed. Thank you, Jesus. 

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Further along, just past Vail, we saw a large number of first responders over in the eastbound lanes. We couldn’t tell what was going on when we passed. There were no cars wrecked and there were a dozen or so cyclists standing along the guard rail. When we arrived at our hotel, I looked it up on the Vail news and saw the story. Apparently there was a man fishing along the edge of the Gore River which flows briskly through there. He had a dog with him. Then a man and woman who were cycling by saw the man slip in the river and head downstream. A group of cyclists ran to the rescue and managed to get the man out of the water. Unfortunately, from what I can find, they hadn’t seen the dog again. I hope they found it. 

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We were going to go straight to the hotel and check in, but we got to town earlier than we thought we would so we went to visit my brother. As it turns out, he wasn’t at the day program so we backtracked and went to his house for a visit. He’s still adjusting to his new surroundings and has been somewhat resistant to making some of the changes that he needs to make. After we said our initial hellos, I asked him how he was doing and he said it was a long story. I told him I was all ears and he said no, he needed to talk to Mr. FixIt…man to man. 

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I have the dearest husband on the planet. He said, “Sure thing, buddy.” He closed the door after me and the fellas sat and talked for about 45 minutes. When they came out, lo and behold, my brother said he knew he needed to do the things that were suggested and he was going to commit to it. He needs to do these things for his own health and safety. Knowing he’s not going to fight the extra help made me breathe a sigh of relief. He just feels bad asking for help, but Mr. FixIt made him understand what he’s going through is completely normal and it’s ok to ask for help with personal things.

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We left him feeling happier and more settled and we went to check into the hotel. By this time, we were more than ready for supper so we headed to Chili’s. They have some good selections for those making healthy dietary choices. I had Ancho Salmon, seasoned rice, and a double order of steamed broccoli. Yummmm!

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We’ll have a slow morning then go to visit my brother at the day program again. We stay another night then head back to Denver tomorrow. We’re really winding down the trip now. We’ll be back home on the 31st! 

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Hope you are taking care during this heat wave! It was 102° here yesterday! Stay hydrated and take frequent breaks, my friends!!!

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?

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“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.”

\nPsalms 4:8 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-07-18T00:00:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/07/18/counting-on-god-to-keep.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Comfort"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/06/15/what-we-see-matters.html", "title": "What We See Matters", "content_html": "\n
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The Bible tells us that our eyes are like lamps that bring light into our bodies. The health of our eyes will determine if our bodies are healthy, filled with light…or unhealthy, filled with darkness. I’ve been pondering this a great deal lately. Without delving into politics, I will say we are being given many opportunities to practice this noble and wise scripture this week. I knew in my heart that the events of Tuesday were liable to serve as a key to open the floodgates of angry and hateful rhetoric.

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There are people who planned hateful things on Tuesday. I kept hearing rumors of it, never dreaming it would come to my doorstep. Then I received a private message on my Facebook page by some man I did not know. Usually those are fairly innocuous pleas to make them the happiest man in the world and send them a friend request. Yeah…that’s a hard pass, fella. You’d have to get up pretty early to pull one over on me.

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This message was different. My profile picture for the month of June is a series of colorful stripes with the word ALLY across it…in support of my daughter and her wife and my countless friends who are members of the LGBTQ+ community. The message I received was hate filled with ugly, vulgar terms to describe who I am for displaying such a thing. My first thought was shock. I surely wasn’t expecting something like that. Then I was angry and frustrated because this is what my beautiful daughter and daughter-in-law face on the daily.

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Then I felt pity. Pity that people feel they need to treat others with such hatred and ugliness. Pity that he obviously doesn’t know Jesus. The Biblical Jesus that I know. I knew his eyes must be unhealthy because he had such darkness in him. I wish he knew how much Jesus loves him and how much better his life could be if only he would find Him. I’m witness to know the incredible difference a life walking with God makes. I prayed for his salvation, then I blocked him and reported the attack to Facebook. I did not engage him because that’s what people like this want. Reaction. I failed to give him that.

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Tuesday night, Daughter #2 called to wish me a happy birthday. She wanted to know all about my day and when I asked her about hers, she said it was great…right up to the very last minute before closing. She received a phone call at work from a man that sounded pleasant enough. He asked if they carried a certain product. She said they did. He went on to tell her why he needed it and the thought maybe he was oversharing a little bit so she just made a pleasant comment about how glad she was it helped. Then he said, “Well enough about that. Let’s talk about the f.i.n.a.l s.o.l.u.t.i.o.n. There’s J.E.W.S out there, you know!” (For those of you who do not know what that is, it’s what the N.a.z.i.s called the H.o.l.o.c.a.u.s.t.) I am writing this with p.e.r.i.o.d.s between the letters of certain words to keep from drawing the attention of nefarious people.

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Now, you have to understand…my daughter grew up J.e.w.i.s.h in a small community in Colorado. She was bullied all through school because of her religious identity. As a matter of fact, it was so bad it caused her to self-harm and nearly drove her to s.u.i.c.i.d.e. So when this guy called and laid that on HER doorstep, she didn’t miss a beat and lit into him with the same mouth I used to kiss good night when she was little. She is fierce and stands up to people. Unfortunately, in this day and age, that can be outright dangerous and as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew she had given him exactly what he wanted.

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I’m not telling you this to stir things up. I won’t engage in debates over things such as this. I’ll do all the things I can to combat hatred in all forms. And I’ll pray fiercely in hopes that we can somehow normalize kindness and love our neighbors again. We cannot hide our heads in the sand and think this kind of thing isn’t happening everywhere. But we CAN choose wisely what we let into our eyes and make a conscious effort to feed the light.

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There are two animals within us…a good one and a bad one. The one we feed is the one who survives.

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❤️‍?

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““Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when it is unhealthy, your body is filled with darkness. Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness. If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.””

\nLuke 11:34-36 NLT\n
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Bring Peace into your garden with one of my photographs and a fitting scripture…John 14:27

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-06-15T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/06/15/what-we-see-matters.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Anger","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/04/09/easter-morning.html", "title": "Easter Morning", "content_html": "\n
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That’s me in the middle with the sausage curls. Mom used to either pin curl my hair or use a Toni Home Perm. Remember those? Grandma’s snuggling Trinket. Bubby is behind me. Tim-Tam and Tissy Rae to the left.

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One of my favorite memories is Easter Morning out at the farm. Sometimes all the cousins would be there. We’d all get dressed in our Easter finery and head to the little white church on the hill down the road. There would usually be a crowd there…maybe twenty-five, thirty people.  When I was really little, Reverend Proudfoot would come preach if it was our turn on the circuit. I liked him. He often had lunch with us at Grandma and PopPop’s dinner table. When I got older, it was Preacher Simon. He scared the daylights out of me. If Easter didn’t fall on Preaching Sunday, either my PopPop or his brother, Uncle Red, would lead the services and give a bible study. But whoever it was, Easter filled me with awe because Jesus actually rose from the dead that day! It was amazing and wondrous!

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We always had to have our pictures taken in our nice clothes…most often in front of some of Grandma’s pretty spring posies. Then we had to change before we ate the scrumptious dinner she made. If we were lucky, we’d have a ham that PopPop cured in the old smokehouse. Grandma would raid the cellar house and bring in jars of her home canned green beans, roast beef, corn, pickles, and her prized blackcap jelly to add to the meal. She’d put out a whole loaf of sliced bread and some of her home churned butter. On her trip to town the week before, she’d buy a head of cabbage and mix up some coleslaw just before we ate so it would be crispy and sour sweet. We would eat till we were stuffed as ticks and have to waddle out to the front porch to sit for a while if it was warm enough.

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Us kids would play Tag, Duck-Duck-Goose, Button-Button-Who’s-Got-The-Button, Fox-In-The-Henhouse, and The Telephone Game. We’d have a big Easter Egg Hunt looking for all the eggs Grandma and our Moms hid for us. When we were tired, we’d each get a chance to snuggle up on someone’s lap for a cuddle and if we were really lucky we’d get a little bowl of Grandma’s homemade ice cream. She didn’t make it in an ice cream freezer. She had a loaf pan and she’d pour the hot custard in it. When it was cool enough, she put it in the freezer. She’d check it often and just before it froze solid, she’d take it out and beat the heck out of it with a big spoon and put it back in the freezer. She repeated this several times then she’d leave it in there to firm up. It was so good!

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It was a very special Easter if our Aunt Rosie came with Cousin Cathy. Her give name was Catherine, but Grandma always called her Trinket. So, that’s what I usually call her, too. We lost our Aunt Rosie in January this year, and Trinket is bringing her ashes home at the end of this month so all the cousins are going to be together for the first time in nearly thirty years. There will be lots of stories to tell and we’ll just have a big time!

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In the meantime, my prayer is that you have a Blessed Easter Day filled with the same reverence and awe we felt as children sitting in the wooden pews of that one room church house in the hills of West Virginia. May your day be one of connection and love and joy!

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Happy Easter…He is Risen!

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?

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“At the crack of dawn on Sunday, the women came to the tomb carrying the burial spices they had prepared. They found the entrance stone rolled back from the tomb, so they walked in. But once inside, they couldn’t find the body of the Master Jesus. They were puzzled, wondering what to make of this. Then, out of nowhere it seemed, two men, light cascading over them, stood there. The women were awestruck and bowed down in worship. The men said, “Why are you looking for the Living One in a cemetery? He is not here, but raised up. Remember how he told you when you were still back in Galilee that he had to be handed over to sinners, be killed on a cross, and in three days rise up?” Then they remembered Jesus’ words.”

\nLuke 24:1-8 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-04-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/04/09/easter-morning.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grace","God","Holiday","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/31/finding-my-way-in-etsyworld.html", "title": "Finding my Way in Etsy-World", "content_html": "\n
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Here’s a sneak peek at one of the aprons I designed yesterday. I just LOVE the orangey roses on the black and white striped background, don’t you? We bought two new rose bushes to plant along the fence out back.

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Wow…Etsy is a whole lot different than it was in 2011 when I started my first shop there. It’s grown exponentially. The competition was fairly steep back then. Now…hokey-smokes! It’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But, when I first started working on this project at Christmas, I was totally lost. I was learning not one, not two…but three new-to-me programs. It took me a good five or six years before I felt comfortable with Wordpress, so I guess I’m doing pretty well to have come this far. 

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Marketing. My job now is marketing and designing new products. On top of writing my daily blog. With mowing season about to start and a quilt to finish and preparing for our annual beach trip next month…my plate is beginning to fill up. I’m going to have to get a desk calendar and start scheduling things. I created sixteen new designs today…eight of which are mugs that are live in the shop. The new designs coming tomorrow are aprons and they are really cute. There are lots of pretty things in the shop for Mother’s Day!

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I helped Mr. FixIt a little yesterday. He’s still working on the hallway…getting the quarter-round moulding measured and ready to nail in place. The door repair from Wednesday looks great and even though it took us twice as long to do than expected, we’re pretty happy with it. My cousin is coming to visit at the end of April and we wanted the house freshened up a little for her. When she leaves, we’re going to start on the main bathroom. Then somewhere in there we’re going to Colorado to see the family. Oh, and there’s the wedding in June and we need to get the roof finished! Maybe we’ll put that bathroom off till fall. SO much to do!

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The weather was sunny and gorgeous yesterday and the pear trees are just about in full bloom. I’ve been stuck inside working so much, I haven’t even taken a walkabout to see what is popping up out there. We need to take a ride out to The Farm to take a peek at the wildflowers soon. I knew as soon as the weather warmed up, I’d be hopping! There’s one thing…this winter FLEW by with all the work on the shop. That’s a GOOD thing!

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“By faith, we see the world called into existence by God’s word, what we see created by what we don’t see.”

\nHebrews 11:3 MSG\n
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Come see what’s new in the Shop! I’m keeping busy creating new designs just for you and having so much fun doing it. It would be a huge help for me if you shared my shop with a few people. If we all did that and asked everyone to share with a few more, the shop would get off the ground in a hurry and start climbing the ladder in the Etsy ranking. Thank you so much for your support!

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\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-31T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/31/finding-my-way-in-etsyworld.html", "tags": ["Faith","New Ideas","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/29/conversations-with-god.html", "title": "Conversations With God", "content_html": "\n
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The deadnettle is blooming by the back door.

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Now that the weather is warming up, we’re getting some little old jobs done here at Marshmallow Ranch. Mr. FixIt painted the hallway and he’s been working on the wood trim and baseboards. The door of the closet at the end of the hall tends to drag across the carpet, so he took it off the hinges yesterday and we carried it outside. He got the table saw out to cut about a quarter of an inch off the bottom.

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He was so careful, measuring and putting tape on the line so the cut would be clean. I held the door carefully for him while he pushed it through the saw. When he took the tape off, it was perfect! No splintering and we were really proud of it. He painted the door on both sides and let it dry before we carried it back in the house, only to find out…

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We cut the top off and not the bottom! Argh!

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(I think I heard him say the “D” word!)

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I know what you’re thinking… “Can’t you just flip the door upside down?” I found out the answer to that question and it’s “No!” The door knobs on doors are not right in the center. So if you flip it, the knob is going to be too high. The easiest thing is to move the hinges on the door to adjust the position. It’s not a hard problem to fix…it’s just not what you want to do…making an easy job harder. I know he felt really bad but neither one of us caught the error till it was too late. Ahhhh…another lesson learned.

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I didn’t make it to the sewing machine yesterday. I had a few things to do on the computer and one thing led to another, taking me down the rabbit hole of possibilities. I found some darling fonts and cute graphics and elements to incorporate in designs. If you’re really careful, you can find these without spending a lot of money for them. After I downloaded them, I designed some cute T-Shirts for moms. 

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Now that it’s not so bitter cold outside, I can start working at my desk in my studio downstairs. Then I can stay focused and set a timer to stay on task. Time spent on the shop. Time spent working on the quilt. And a little time spent knitting with a cup of tea…just for me. It’s easy to throw yourself into your work of the day and forget to take a breath. We get so caught up with our daily lives…with our stuff…that we sometimes forget to take care of ourselves through God’s provision. His Word. His Caring. His Love for us. His Gifts that he gave us. 

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I study the Word at night. When I take a break, I knit conversations with God.

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?

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““If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.”

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#God, #Chores, #Work

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/29/conversations-with-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","God","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/13/turning-my-attention-forward.html", "title": "Turning My Attention Forward", "content_html": "\n
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You know there’s a reason the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror, right? It’s because we don’t drive backwards long distances. The rear view mirror lets us back up a little ways as needed. The windshield lets us see clearly the direction we are heading…forward. I won’t lie…the 10th Angelversary was monumental and gave me pause. But I am so blessed to be surrounded with lots of love and support from family and friends…including you all. Thank you so much for always being here for me. It helps more than you know.

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I ran into a little snag with “The Project.” It’s something totally out of my control so I just have to wait it out till the course is redirected before I have the great unveiling. God always looks out for me and if I would have moved forward when I originally planned to, I could have been in a pickle. He’s a Good Father and I cannot praise Him enough! It’s still going to happen….I just don’t know the exact timeline yet.

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With Mr. Virgo’s Angelversary and the project glitch, I didn’t sleep well at all on Saturday night. I finally drifted off about dawn and Mr. FixIt woke me up at just about 1:00 yesterday afternoon. I think we need to grab sleep whenever we can as we age. This new medicine regimen is really helping me sleep…at least much better than I was before.

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Mr. FixIt showed me his phone when I got up. We had a light dusting of snow on the forsythia and flowering quince when he got up. I’m just as happy that I missed that! The false spring we’ve been having has totally spoiled me and I could move right on into true spring, thank you very much. We’ve had rain off and on the last couple of days and we’ve actually needed it. The ground was getting pretty dry.

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I have to force myself to get back to my studio and get that quilt top finished soon. The wedding is in June and the machine quilter will need to have it as soon as possible to get it finished in time. I don’t think I’ll ever do as complicated a pattern again. It was just a whole lot more work than I thought it would be. And, being a neurodivergent Gemini hasn’t helped matters. It’s hard to stay focused for so long. I’m determined to finish it though.

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When I sit down to write to you every night, I’m reminded of my Grandma’s letters when I was growing up. Long distance phone calls were a luxury we could ill afford, so Grandma wrote long meandering missives to keep us up to date with what was happening at The Farm. She’d tell us what she canned that week or who came to visit or what the doctor said. Her letters always seemed so warm and comforting and so full of love and hugs. 

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We don’t get those letters from Grandmas or Moms anymore and I think our society is sorely lacking such familial hugs. Even though Grandma was only thirty miles away, we could tuck her letters away and read them over and over. I still have them and they still give that same warm and fuzzy feelings. When I was approached by a literary agent several years ago, she pooh-poohed the whole idea of the kind of writing I do. She thought it was fine for documenting for family’s interest, but the general public wouldn’t be interested. I beg to differ. I think we’ll always need a mom or a grandma or an auntie or a sister to send love across the miles. We need all the love we can get.

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That’s what I’m here for….to send lots of loves!

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?

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“Let all that you do be done in love.”

\n1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/13/turning-my-attention-forward.html", "tags": ["Faith","Love","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/09/dealing-with-disappointment.html", "title": "Dealing With Disappointment", "content_html": "\n
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The other day, Mr. FixIt and I were watching the episode of NCIS where the big boss’s wife was caught in some crossfire and was killed. As he began to deal with his grief, he came across a box of papers that he needed to sort through. There was an envelope with a bank statement and the key to a safe deposit box. When he investigated further, he found his late wife had consulted with a lawyer about division of assets and she had a sizable amount of money stashed away under her name only. Leon was understandably upset but by the end of the episode, they figured out what had happened. He had nearly died himself and she was scared for what would happen to her and the kids, or even if she wanted to face that.

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Of course, NCIS is Hollywood…not real life. What happens when you find out maybe the stories you were told weren’t exactly the way things happened? What happens when you find debt you didn’t know was there? Or there were other secrets…damning things that could threaten your faith in what you had? Making you question if what you had was real. I’ve heard stories from readers who have opened up about such things. And I’ve gone through it myself.

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One time, early after Mr. Virgo died, I relayed one of the stories he had told me about his grandfather. Later that day, I got a note from one of his cousins saying that story was absolutely NOT true and I should stop telling “family stories” that were not mine. It gave me pause. There were other things I discovered that didn’t quite ring true. I found another one yesterday while searching for something unrelated. 

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I busied myself with other things as I contemplated what it all meant…I mean, really meant to me. Mr. Virgo and I met in our mid-fifties. There had been a LOT of water under our bridges by that time. It wasn’t like being in our twenties with a fresh first marriage and a lifetime of groundwork. We had baggage. Baggage we took a quick inventory of and decided there were no huge deal breakers and we loved and trusted each other enough so we progressed forward.

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Finding facts after a death can make you question the veracity of your relationship. You have to go through his or her belongings after your spouse dies. And you can find out things you wish you hadn’t. Here’s how I dealt with that. Mr. Virgo treated me like a queen. He thought the sun rose and set at my feet and there was no denying that…no matter how elaborate his stories were. I look back now and I know some of them were hyperbolical. But what does it matter? The sun rose and set at his feet, too.

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The lesson I took from that is…employ careful discernment. My relationship with Mr. FixIt is different. For one thing, we’ve known each other since we were kids. And, I set strict ground rules…we do not lie…stretch the truth…exaggerate…polish…or hide stuff. When I smell it, I call it out…and so does he. Do I honestly think none of that will happen? Heck no! But I question stuff and don’t take everything at face value anymore. I ask myself how important it is. If it’s not, then we’re fine. If it’s important…we hash it out.

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I was still reeling from a difficult divorce when I met Mr. Virgo. Even though it had been five years, my confidence and self esteem had taken a big hit. Add to that how movie-star handsome he was, and I fell hook, line, and sinker for everything. I didn’t want to rock the proverbial boat and risk “being left” again. You learn a lot about what you really want and what is really important to you when you go through hard times. I mean…we are human. We are fallible. We will make mistakes because we are not perfect. Only God will never fail us. If we know this and understand this, it takes a lot of pressure off of our expectations of each other.

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I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little disappointed with what I learned yesterday, but it doesn’t change the fact that we loved each other and our marriage was a beautiful time in my life. I forgive him…as I hope he forgave me my own iniquities. These things have strengthened my resolve that Mr. FixIt and I have a marriage grounded first in God, then in truth, honesty, and love. It can’t get much better than that.

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?

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“and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.””

\nJohn 8:32 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/09/dealing-with-disappointment.html", "tags": ["Faith","Forgiveness","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/28/stormy-weather.html", "title": "Stormy Weather", "content_html": "\n
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When I was growing up here in West Virginia, a tornado was something that happened in Texas or Oklahoma or Kansas. Certainly not here in the Appalachias. Since I’ve been back, there have been tornado warnings every year…to the point that Mr. FixIt and I have taken shelter in the basement. These severe storms are getting worse. We should always keep a weather eye out and take all the necessary precautions for safety.

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We had little peeks of sunshine here today but it rained for the most part. This always offers me a day of working on my project. Yesterday’s focus was on Amazon links. I signed up for their Affiliate Program a month or so ago. I’m sure you’ve seen articles that have a small disclaimer at the top letting readers know there may be affiliate links incorporated within. The good news is, you’re helping someone make a little money, and it doesn’t come out of your pocket.

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Amazon came up with a way to advertise without advertising. It’s a brilliant strategy with an upside. It offers small entrepreneurs the opportunity to create income flows. The more you work at it, the more you may potentially make. As we have aged and prices have continued to raise, I became intrigued with different ways to supplement our income. 

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Gone are the days when I could work in a doctor’s office. It’s what I did for the majority of my adult life. I’m running head on into 70 in a little over three months. My 9-5 days are over, I’m afraid. But, that means I have so many opportunities to explore new things. I’ll never stop learning…never stop growing…never quit trying to keep rising up. And I trust in God explicitly to get me there. Watch for an extra post in a couple of days…Therapy Thursdays. Retail therapy, that is.

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I’m glad we got the Big Birdhouse moved around Sunday. I didn’t want to tow it across the grass when it was wet and soggy. We still have some work to do on it to prepare for sale. We’ll switch the lift jacks. We put the electric one on it when we bought it. The jack on the new camper is a manual crank jack that’s a lot of work. Electric jacks take a lot of the hard work out of setting up and taking down a camper. 

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I have to go to town today for an appointment. Hopefully I can make it a quick trip because I have stuff to do. I always have a lot of stuff to do! And…Happy Birthday, Big..you are my sunshine!

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?

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“Now to the one who works, wages are not credited as a gift but as an obligation. However, to the one who does not work but trusts God who justifies the ungodly, their faith is credited as righteousness. David says the same thing when he speaks of the blessedness of the one to whom God credits righteousness apart from works:”

\nRomans 4:4-6 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/28/stormy-weather.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/21/something-to-remember.html", "title": "Something to Remember", "content_html": "\n
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We learned yesterday we have a couple of challenging medical issues in the family and I surprised myself at how I handled it. I have been known to…how shall I say…crumple under the weight of such things. Three years ago today, Mr. FixIt had his first stroke. Heading into the month I lost Mr. Virgo, such news rocked me to my core. I held it together till they took him up for the MRI, at which point I threw up.

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I guess I’ve never been a cool cucumber during times of stress. I have to tell you though…most of the crumpling happens when I think about what COULD happen. What MIGHT happen. What WILL happen. Nine times out of ten, I move right through the issue when it ACTUALLY happens. Mr. FixIt’s first stroke was one I didn’t handle so well. 

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I don’t know if it’s age. I don’t know if it’s the wise counsel of Daughter #1. Or maybe just the old adage that practice makes perfect. But, something’s changed…shifted. Lately, when something comes up that might be a real gut wrencher and I feel the anxiety start to rise, I remind myself that God has carried me through every other tough thing. Like Mr. Virgo’s funeral. I didn’t think I could live through that, but like the Bible says…God has plans for me. He held me through every tough moment.

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I had a flash of insight the other day. Getting anxious and wigged out about stuff removes the opportunity to snuggle in close to Jesus. Anxiety is ME trying to avoid the situation and control the outcome. That’s not my job. MY job is to trust that God has my back, that whatever’s going to happen will happen, and wigging out about it isn’t going to change anything or make it go away. 

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I am enough. I don’t HAVE to be more. I don’t HAVE to be perfect. I don’t HAVE to worry about every little thing. The Bible also tells us we cannot add a single hour to our lives by worrying. If the birds are fed without bother, how much more will God do for His own children?

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These glitches we are facing aren’t life threatening. They are unpleasant. They are even a little scary. But I choose to believe everything will be ok. And if they aren’t, we’ll deal with it when the time comes. As Daughter #1 says, “I don’t have the bandwidth to carry all that, Mom. I look at the options and choose to believe the best case scenario, unless or until that is no longer possible.” 

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This I DO know…I am a total noodle without God.

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?

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I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”

\nJeremiah 29:10-11 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/21/something-to-remember.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/13/the-eagles-flew-the-coop.html", "title": "The Eagles Flew the Coop", "content_html": "\n
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Mr. Virgo was from South Philly and proud of it. He loved his mama, his cheese steaks, and his Eagles. They were always “his Eagles”…as if proximity to the family brownstone indicated proprietorship. He told me from the very beginning, “Ahhhh, those birds. They just break my heart every year.” And they did. Every year of his life. Then…in 2018, they won the Super Bowl. Nearly five years after he died. 

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I was ecstatic for the posthumous glory of it all. I knew Mr. Virgo must be up there whoopin’ and hollerin’ and makin’ a fuss. God had to be standing there with a big ol’ grin watching the big guy rave on. It was a heart warming moment. The Eagles had an amazing season this year and faced the Chiefs with strength and skill. They messed up a couple of vital plays and there were a couple of calls that were sketchy. I hoped to the end they could pull it out, but I marveled at the cunning strategy with the clock as the Chiefs squeaked by with the win.

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I do believe this was the highlight of the evening.

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The halftime show was pretty cool, too. There were no fashion malfunctions and it was fun to hear some of Rihanna’s best songs. And those floating stages? Awesome! We went to one of the kids’ houses to watch the game, visit with friends, and eat yummy food. It was a really fun evening. I totally forgot to post Sunday Evening Prayer Circle…my apologies. 

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Here’s a pic of the hallway we are painting. I forgot to take a before but you can see from the picture in yesterday’s post how much lighter the paint color is. It’s really bright and clean now. We just have to cut around the edges and Mr. FixIt can put up the new molding and we’re done with that project.

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Big put up a valiant showing at the NWC Championships over the weekend. I haven’t heard the overall scores, but she enjoyed it and it was a great experience. AND, she is a freshman. She has lots of room to grow into her own. We’re all very proud of her.

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Please pray for the victims of the earthquakes. That kind of devastation is unfathomable. It breaks my heart.

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?

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“Jesus said, “Watch out for doomsday deceivers. Many leaders are going to show up with forged identities, claiming, ‘I am Christ, the Messiah.’ They will deceive a lot of people. When reports come in of wars and rumored wars, keep your head and don’t panic. This is routine history; this is no sign of the end. Nation will fight nation and ruler fight ruler, over and over. Famines and earthquakes will occur in various places. This is nothing compared to what is coming.”

\nMatthew 24:4-8 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/13/the-eagles-flew-the-coop.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/12/24/the-modern-madonna.html", "title": "The Modern Madonna", "content_html": "\n
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Let’s face it…we don’t live in a Hallmark movie. Relationships are complicated and oftentimes messy. We can turn to any given channel on the TV at this time of year and see beautiful depictions of perfectly decorated houses with perfectly obedient children eagerly awaiting the appearance of the jolly old elf himself. 

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Most of my demographic have grandchildren and great grandchildren, so we are a little past the frenetic activity leading up to Christmas. But as the day approaches, we push to create the most perfect holiday so our loved ones have wonderful memories long after we’re gone. The cookies are baked. The house is decorated to the nines. The pantry is full of all manner of delicacies. So…why do we feel so let down when it’s all over?

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I think it’s because we’ve held onto these ideals all our lives thinking each holiday MUST be better than the one before it. We do ourselves a huge disservice with that attitude. I’m trying something different this year. I’m trying to let go of any and all expectations, preconceived notions, feelings, judgements, hurts, wrongs, memories and go into the holiday as if I’m a brand new person. I’m pretending…just like I used to when I was a little kid. I’m staying in this moment without judgement and saying…this is my first Christmas! My first holiday dinner. My first wrapping of presents. It’s taken a huge weight off my shoulders and released me from my self-imposed bondage of perfectionism.

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Our grandson called yesterday. He’s working long, hard hours so his children can stay home with their mama and not have to go to child care. He ordered something for her and it came to the Post Office, but he wasn’t going to get out of work till really late. He asked his Grandpa if he would go over the hill to town to pick up the gift so he could give it to his sweetest girl. Of course Grandpa said yes. And we even had a nice gift box to put the present in so he wouldn’t have to wrap it.

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This young lady is such a good mama to two of our little great-grands. Mommin’ ain’t easy…especially to two rambunctious little boys. I wondered what special gift the boys’ daddy would give their mom that would honor who she is to their little family. When he arrived to pick up the gift, he said, “I have to open this…I really want you to see it!”

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He bought her a blanket…with one of his favorite photos on it. It wasn’t some posed picture of scrubbed faces and clean clothes that was at the center of his heart. It was a candid picture he took of his love…sick and exhausted with a tissue stuffed up her nose, leaning back in her chair with one of her precious boys, feverish and sleeping in her lap. 

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At first, I laughed. Then I thought…OMGosh! She’ll kill him. Then I thought…nope, she’s going to love this as much as he did. She’s going to know…truly know how much this young man loves her. Because, any man who’s going to work and work really hard for every dime then take that hard earned money and put it towards a picture such as this is a good guy. I felt happy for them…proud of them for not taking the easy way out.

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No, “Mommin’ Ain’t Easy”. But it’s a whole lot easier when you can just live in the moment and leave that sack of stinky stuff you’ve been hauling around behind you all these years and release it where it deserves to stay. In the past…where it can’t hurt you anymore.

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When we let go of all the trappings and expectations of a consumerist society, it allows us to focus on the real meaning of Christmas…the birth of Christ in a lowly manger in Jerusalem. Where the Blessed Virgin may very well have reclined against a makeshift bed amongst the animals in the barn…exhausted from the hard labor of the day. Holding her beloved baby in her arms. I wonder if Joseph might have snapped a photo of his beloved such as the one our grandson took had cameras been around so long ago? Yes…this warm and comforting blanket reminds me of a Modern Madonna…holding her precious child in her arms…and leaning into the moment. With no expectations more than mindful, unbridled love.

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May we all remember what this holiday is about.

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May we all have a blessed celebration of the Christ-child’s birth.

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?

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“For God loved the world in this way: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”

\nJohn 3:16 CSB\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-12-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/12/24/the-modern-madonna.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Comfort","God","Holiday","Courage","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/11/13/a-quiet-life.html", "title": "“A Quiet Life”", "content_html": "\n
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I haven’t said anything about the recent loss of Leslie Jordan. I was saddened to hear of his passing. I always got a kick out his reparte with Karen on will and Grace, but I kind of felt a little went a long way with him. Then, the pandemic hit and something magical happened. Leslie started posting a couple of times a day to Instagram..sharing his light and love with the home bound.

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He was delightful and funny and self deprecating. He was no longer “too much”. He was just…real and raw. His authentic self. I especially loved his Sunday recordings where he would sing old timey Hymns that he remembered from his childhood. When he came out to his mother at the age of twelve, she told him he would be ostracized for that and she couldn’t bear it so she encouraged him to “live a quiet life.” Yeah…THAT didn’t happen!

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Leslie touched the hearts of millions and his celebrity soared. He found legitimate appreciation in Nashville and recorded with bonafide mainstream artists and musicians. I just loved him and the world is a little darker without him in it. Here is a link to his interview on CBS This Morning.  

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We had a lovely day yesterday. One of our granddaughters held a surprise 25th Anniversary Party for her parents…Mr. & Mrs. FixIt Jr. at a local restaurant and we had such a wonderful time. There were fifteen of us and it was a total surprise. They walked in and we yelled Happy Anniversary and they had this puzzled look on their faces like…what are you all doing here? It was wonderful to be able to celebrate with them.

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The rain has abated and the cold front pushed in. Our temps dropped ten degrees in ten miles. There was snow to the west-northwest of us and I know it will hit us before we know it. We ended up with close to three inches of rain in two days! I’m not going to do a thing but knit today…promise! Mr. FixIt will be off bowling this evening.

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And a new week is set to begin. 

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?

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“Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.”

\nRomans 15:7 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/13/a-quiet-life.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Growth","Forgiveness","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/11/05/jomo-v-fomo.html", "title": "JOMO v FOMO", "content_html": "\n
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Truth be told…I suffer a little from FOMO….Fear of Missing Out. That’s what drives me to check my social media too many times a day. That’s what keeps me tuned in to what’s going on so I don’t miss anything. FOMO is an extension of the dreaded C-word…Control. If I can see what’s happening, I can rehearse a hundred ways to respond. I can plan out conversations in my head so I’m not caught flat footed. If you find yourself doing that too, you could be sitting somewhere on the autism spectrum, like me.

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I used to look at autism with a bit of a jaded eye. A sort of us versus them mentality that didn’t actually degrade those on the spectrum so I wouldn’t have to feel too bad. But that kind of thinking certainly diminishes others and it’s not a cool thing. Now that my chickens have come home to roost, so to speak, I see the autism spectrum as something akin to hyper-technicolor. Super powers with a jolt of juice.

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Years of therapy taught me to re-evaluate things when new information comes in. That introspection has helped me get a better handle on my fear of missing out and has directed my attention more on the positive aspects of not being so plugged in all the %@&# time! 

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I’m discovering JOMO…the JOY of Missing Out!

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Now when I find myself overstimulated, overwhelmed, and just plain OVER everything, I unplug and go to my happy place. Currently that’s one of two places…Grace, the Camper or The Farm. Either place brings me so much peace and joy.  I can kick back at either place and happily let the world pass me by. It’s refreshing. Life affirming. 

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Mr. FixIt drove over to the grandkids’ farm and borrowed their big utility trailer and went to Lowe’s yesterday to get the first load of shingles for the roof. Our WV Daughter and her husband came out to help unload the trailer while I finished cooking supper. I prepared a large pot roast with gravy, some of my home canned half runner beans, and a batch of biscuits. We sat at the little bistro table in the yard and enjoyed our meal together, which was quite a treat.

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After dinner was finished, I cleaned up the kitchen while Mr. FixIt took the trailer back over to the kids. We’ll have to borrow it at least a time or two to get the rest of the shingles over to the house. But we have thirty days to get that done. The boys will start on the roof over the family room in the next couple of weeks. That part isn’t all that big so it shouldn’t take too long to complete.

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I’m going to practice JOMO a lot this winter! It makes me a happier camper!

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?

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“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

\nGalatians 5:22-23 ESV\n
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\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-05T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/05/jomo-v-fomo.html", "tags": ["Faith","Be Joyful!","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/11/04/money-money-money-money.html", "title": "Money Money Money MONEY", "content_html": "\n
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Ugh! The thing I hate talking about the most is money. I was never good with money. Well, let me rephrase that. I was never good at SAVING money. I was most excellent at SPENDING it…especially when it wasn’t me that was working my butt off to make it. Hard to admit, but there it is. I used shopping as a self-soothing medication that got way out of hand on numerous occasions. When I think of how much money I’d have now if I hadn’t done that… *sigh*

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Water under the bridge, as they say. I used to worry myself to death over money…or the lack thereof. That is before my wonderful finance guru Danielle taught me the concept of stewardship. God graces us with the jobs and the money and the stuff but we have to suit up, show up, and do the work. The better the steward we are, the more trustworthy we become, the more bounty we can be trusted with. Doesn’t mean we’re going to GET that bounty. But it doesn’t mean we aren’t either.

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I go long stretches without spending much. Then, there are days like yesterday when it gets spent for me. What is it they say about only counting on two things…death and taxes? Yeah, well…yesterday it was the tax man…actually woman…who absconded with our hard earned dollars. That’s the price you pay for owning stuff.

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I never really understood personal property taxes. I mean…we earned the money and paid taxes on it. We spend the money and pay sales taxes on the money we were already taxed on. Then, every year I have to go to the county courthouse and pay personal property taxes on the stuff we already own and have paid taxes on…twice! Ok, I get it…someone has to pay for the roads and maintenance and whatever else we are supporting with those tax dollars. But it chaps my hide anyway.

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So, I go in to pay my personal property taxes and they nice lady in the tax office said the last year I had taxes entered in the computer was 2019. Seriously? I could have sworn I paid them but apparently not. See, there’s this thing called a supplement. In July every year, the tax office send out this paper that has your vehicles and/or trailers, campers, boats, etc. listed. It asked you if you currently own them. You send that in and two things happen…your info triggers next year’s supplement and you information is what your personal property taxes will be based on two years from now. 

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Yeah…clear as mud, right?

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I know it’s confusing. It’s taken me years to have any semblance of understanding. When I lived in Colorado, you paid your personal property taxes when you get the tags on your vehicles, campers, trailers, and the like. I don’t know…somehow it felt less painful that way. Here in West Virginia, you go pay your taxes and then you take that receipt with you to the DMV and pay for your registration. I don’t have a good track record for filling out that supplement form so I kinda got dropped off the rolls.

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That would seem to be pretty sweet. However, somewhere down the line, you’re going to have to pay the piper and you could end up owing a really hefty tax bill. As it was, I had to fork out over $750 for two years’ worth of personal property taxes plus $51 for the registration fee. THEN, I got to take my truck in to the garage to get the yearly vehicle inspection…$15. Oooof.

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There was a huge upside to this little adventure. 

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I got to meet Dee. She doesn’t usually work in the tax office. She works across the street. But here she was, manning the desk and blessing my day. It wasn’t 5-10 minutes into our interacting that I knew…this was my God appointment for the day. We had a lovely conversation about personal issues we both face. I shared Marshmallow Ranch with her and invited her to come join us in cyberspace for a daily dose of love and light. I feel like I made a new friend. We shared our light and I have a feeling we both felt a lot better afterwards.

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When I wrote yesterday about shining our light into the world, it was exactly this I was referring to. The world has a lot of darkness in it right now. But there is also so much light. You and I cam bring so much more. We can shine it into every dark corner…every nook and cranny…up high and down low. Eventually, the vibrations of our very existence will be enough to change the world….for good. 

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I mean FOR good…for GOOD!

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I had a spring in my step the rest of the day. I didn’t even get a chance to sit down in the DMV…they took me that fast. There wasn’t a wait at the garage. I was in and out of there in fifteen minutes. I came home and fixed a lovely supper of Chicken Alfredo which we thoroughly enjoyed. We nibbled on those peanut butter cookies for dessert. The high was 76° yesterday and sunny. It was a picture perfect day to be a good steward and take care of business.

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And share a little light.

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?

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“for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.”

\nEphesians 5:8-10 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-04T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/04/money-money-money-money.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Wisdom","Choices","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/11/03/shining-my-flashlight.html", "title": "Shining My Flashlight", "content_html": "\n
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When Mr. FixIt and I were first dating and I lived out on the farm, I was complaining about the little flashlight I had. It just wasn’t very bright and I couldn’t see very far with it. When you live alone out in the country, you darned well better be able to see more than a few yards in front of you. But the bigger spotlights are so heavy with all those batteries. Then there’s the fact that more powerful lights use more energy so you go through batteries and they aren’t cheap. 

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Mr. FixIt to the rescue. He bought me a very powerful spotlight that is rechargeable. Granted, it doesn’t last as long as the disposable battery lights, but it’s SUPER bright and recharging is a snap and doesn’t break the bank. I could stand on the porch at the farm and illuminate the top of the ridge across the road enough to see an owl in a treetop!

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Having the right tools for the job makes everything work better. The same is true in your spiritual life. The brighter your light is inside, the brighter it shines into the world. God gave us a precious gift of the Holy Spirit to guide us, protect us, teach us, and correct us. He gave us this gift, not to squirrel away for ourselves, but to shine into the world to help others. Like moths to a flame, people are attracted to light. They’ll cross streets to bask in the glow of a lamp they feel comforted by and safe with.

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This light manifests in many ways. Some people shine their light by teaching. Others by serving. There are as many ways to shine your light as there are people. I shine mine when I write. And trust me…when I’m writing without the light shining through…I know it. YOU know it. The world is aching for more light. I found myself worrying the other day. Worrying about the state of the world and all the unanswerable “what ifs” that could manifest in the coming days. 

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Worry, as the Bible tells us, is a totally waste of time. It makes our lights dim. There’s a grander plan than mine at work here. And I just have to trust that I don’t know everything God has in store for us. All I can do is work with integrity, shine my light without shame, and have faith that the battle’s already been won…on the grand scale. And…when you shine a light for others, your own path is illuminated.

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Do everything you can to shine your light…every day. 

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We need you!

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?

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“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

\nMatthew 5:16 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-03T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/03/shining-my-flashlight.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/11/02/the-age-of-aquarius.html", "title": "The Age of Aquarius", "content_html": "\n
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I was just a little too young to be a hippy, although I do have some personal friends who actually went to Woodstock. But…they’re a year or two older than me. Besides, Mom barely let me cross Grand Central Avenue till I was seventeen, so there’s that. I was a pretend hippy. I wore the bell bottoms and the long hair, but I had to tape up the hem of my skirt or get grounded. No minis for me!

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It’s probably a good thing I couldn’t be a real hippy because my addictive personality would have had me changing my name to Moon Flower and living in a commune with Wolf and Jasmine and Starlight. I became obsessed with Mother Earth News Magazine and the dream of owning a farm and living in West Virginia. And…in my real life, I lived the role of doctor’s wife and cheerleader mom. 

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Oh, I’m not saying it wasn’t good. There was so much of it that was truly awesome. But not all of it was truly genuine. I never really fit in as the doctor’s wife and I was only a barely passable cheerleader mom. I did whatever I could do to avoid the knocking at my heart’s door…that patient tap-tap-tapping of the Holy Spirit trying to get my attention. I was busy organizing the Jewish festivities in my little community. I was reading self help books by the wheelbarrow full. And I got heavily into New Age stuff.

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I went to pow-wows. I visited shamans. I had my cards and numbers and palms read. I collected crystals and recharged them by the light of the moon. I smudged my house regularly by burning white sage and incense and myrrh. I was spiritually lost. I drank too much. I was depressed. At one point I was close to anorexia…I weighed 118 pounds and took nine aerobics classes a week plus mountain biking, skiing, and trail running. 

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I ran in every direction except towards Jesus.

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Because…He scared me. 

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I thought if I loved Jesus, I couldn’t be Jewish and if I couldn’t be Jewish, Hubby #2 would leave me. I’ll never know if he would have, because things fell apart long before I found Jesus. When I finally did…my life was turned around and I was made new and now look where I am! Life takes some of the strangest turns and we don’t have a clue what God is doing with it. It’s hard to understand something so grand and glorious and totally beyond understanding.

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I decided to buy a Powerball ticket yesterday. I don’t normally gamble. Mostly because of that addictive personality I was telling you about. But…my gosh, the prize is up to $1.2 BILLION…with a B! Oh, the good we could do for people with that money! I stopped at the 7Eleven on my way home. As I was walking in, I looked down and something caught my eye.

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It was a crystal! A clear, perfectly formed quartz crystal.

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I laughed.

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The old me would have said it was a sign! That it was placed in my path by my spirit guide to tell me something. Instead, here’s what I heard in my heart.

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“Go ahead. Buy the ticket. Who knows? Stranger things have happened. But this is just a pretty rock. It doesn’t have any magical powers other than to remind you just how incredibly far you have come on this amazing journey. I made this rock…and I made you and I gave you this one precious life. And you are…my beloved!”

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?

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“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.”

\n1 John 4:1 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-02T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/02/the-age-of-aquarius.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/09/27/what-a-gorgeous-day.html", "title": "What a Gorgeous Day", "content_html": "\n
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The light was fading by the time we got home.

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I love to drive…especially on a day when the sky is blue with big white, puffy clouds. The temps were cool, there was a breeze, and the trees were beginning to put on their royal robes to show off. We went to the dealership to pick up the Big Birdhouse, but there was something else on it that needed fixing so it’ll be a little while longer. 

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As we sat in a parking lot, eating our late-lunch-early-supper, a gentleman pulled up in the tractor part of a tractor trailer to get something to eat. When he came out, he came right over to us and started up a conversation. Leon is from Dallas, a part-time 50 year old single truck driver and father who found Jesus after an unfortunate night in Beverly Hills three years ago. He drives a gorgeous red truck that he’s “married to”. He wants to find love so he doesn’t grow old alone. I told him I’d pray for him and I’d have my friends in my prayer circle pray for him, too. He thought that was amazing. He was friendly as all get out.

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I love when God sends people across your path…your “assignments” for the day. People to talk to, pray for, lift up, and love on. Leon was a beefy man with a ready smile. His glasses perched on his forehead, his eyes twinkled with delight as we chatted. It occurred to me, I didn’t really notice that he was black at first. I know that seems hard to believe, but all I saw was this amazing smile. That’s when I realized…I wasn’t looking at his physical being. I was seeing the LIGHT he carries inside and it warmed my spirit that God showed me that aspect of Leon first and foremost. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all could just see the LIGHT in each other???

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When Leon went on his way, Mr. FixIt and I looked through the reservation app on my phone and chose our next camping adventure which begins tomorrow. We’ve stayed at this campground before but not since 2019. There’s deep woods all around, and the further we get into late September, early October the more the colors are going to change! My all time favorite time to camp!

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Today is mowing day at the farm then a phone conference with my brother’s care team in Colorado. And repacking the camper. Then we’ll be off on another adventure in the morning!

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?

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“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.””

\nJohn 8:12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-09-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/09/27/what-a-gorgeous-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","God","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/09/15/checking-the-owners-manual.html", "title": "Checking the Owner’s Manual", "content_html": "\n
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We had our breakfast out by the edge of the woods. Your first few nights in any camper are an adjustment. A new bed. A new floor plan. It’s like going to a hotel and waking up wondering where in the heck you are. Mr. FixIt slept pretty well judging by the acoustics. Me? Not so much. I was listening to said acoustics. However, I had a conversation with God and asked Him to help me turn the aggravation aspect into gratitude for the warm presence by my side.

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After a little time sipping our tea and conversing, Mr. FixIt headed out for a walk and I set to cleaning up a little and organizing some more. This camper is much smaller and has very little cabinet space so camping accoutrements must be kept to the absolute essentials. I’ve tucked a couple of extra blankets in one of the dinette benches and the tote bags of personal items in the other. There is a long cabinet over the bed with two doors. It runs the width of the camper and is pretty deep. 

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I’m going to buy some of those cloth baskets that will fit up there. We’ll each have three or four to tuck all of our personal belongings in then we don't have to have the totes or a suitcase with us. At the end of a trip, you bring the totes in, wash the clothes and repack them, replenish any toiletries you may need, then stow them back in the camper. That way you’re ready to go at a moment’s notice. At the end of camping season, you just bring the baskets inside and put them in a closet for the winter and you’re ready to go come spring.

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I decided to turn on the water heater and take a shower. When I was ready, I turned on the water and it wasn’t hot. After trouble shooting at some length, I was still stumped. Mr. FixIt came back from his walk and I gathered up the bag of booklets that came with the camper, a mug of tea, and headed out to the chairs by the woods. I unzipped the green cloth bag and started going through the booklets one by one. As I reached in to get the last two, they felt like thick books.

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I pulled them out and set them on my lap and smiled. The instruction manuals were there. One for the camper…and one for me! I don’t know who tucked the Bible in with the paperwork. Was it the previous owner, knowing we needed the Good Book wherever we went? Was it the RV Dealer? Who knows? All I know is, I was grateful for the thoughtful gesture and tucked it right back in with the paperwork so I will know where to find it.

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Unfortunately, I didn’t really find the information I was looking for in the brochure for the water heater, but I asked God to help me figure it out. I closed my eyes and went over the water system in my mind and suddenly…I knew what was wrong. I asked Mr. FixIt to bring the Philips head screw driver and meet me in the bathroom. There is a panel under the bathroom sink where the water heater resides.

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I removed the panel and switched the bypass off and asked Mr. FixIt to turn the hot water on. We were immediately met with the stench of rotten eggs. Unfortunately, this is what happens when water is left dormant in the hot water heater for any length of time. It’s a chemical reaction. It can be fixed but it takes a little doing and involves draining the system and putting vinegar water in, heating it up, then draining and repeating the process several times and before you know it, you’ll have fresh smelling water again. Needless to say…I didn’t take my shower!

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We went for a drive and checked out the cleanup from the devastating storm they had the night before we camped here the last time. We also drove down to the dam where they are doing some restoration work. Afterward, we decided to go to the little town nearby and get some lunch. We had things to make burgers, but we didn’t have anything but a skillet and I didn’t want to fry burgers in the camper. You don’t want grease all over everything and when you cook smelly foods, the odor lingers for a long time and can settle in the upholstery. When we got back, I sat and knitted for a couple of hours.

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We were entertained last night by barred owls and a whippoorwill. Mr. FixIt watched a movie while I wrote this post. (The smartest thing I ever bought him was a DVD player with headphones!!!) 

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And, today we head home. Now I need to plan our next adventure!

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?

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“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”

\nJames 1:5 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-09-15T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/09/15/checking-the-owners-manual.html", "tags": ["Faith","Camping","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/08/09/would-it-help.html", "title": "Would It Help?", "content_html": "\n
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I’ve set aside the stitches for the sleeves and I’m working down the body of the sweater.

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I’ve all but stopped watching movies. I’ll bet I could count on one hand how many I’ve been able to sit through since Mr. Virgo died. For a lot of reasons. Mainly, because my attention span is that of a preschooler. But also because I can’t stand blood and gore anymore. Or sirens. Or emergency room scenes. PTSD is a beast that kinda lurks in the background…waiting to pounce when you least expect it. I don’t necessarily miss movies because I have a zillion other things I’d rather do.

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On Sunday afternoon, Mr. FixIt and I were sitting in the living room waiting for the kids to arrive. I was knitting and he was scrolling through channels looking for something interesting. We watched an episode of Monk. I can tolerate that because there’s not a lot of real gore or ER scenes. And Monk is so endearing with his own case of PTSD surrounding the loss of his wife. I can relate to him.

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At the end of the episode, a movie started. I watched the opening credits and when I saw Tom Hanks was starring in it, I decided to give it a shot. I really enjoy his acting. The movie was Bridge of Spies. It takes place during the Cold War. A spy is caught, a pilot is downed, and an exchange is attempted. There’s lots of intrigue and it’s based on a real event. The Russian spy is an unassuming, bespectacled man who paints portraits and carries secrets. Tom Hanks plays the attorney who is assigned to defend the spy…not a popular position in the McCarthy Era.

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There is a courtroom scene where Hanks’ character is sharing some disappointing news to the spy who is cool as a cucumber. Hanks turns to him and says, “Don’t you ever worry?” The spy calmly looks at him and says, “Would it help?”

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I sat there for a moment, thinking about this simple three word question we could all use every single time something worrisome comes up. I come from a long line of professional worriers. Just yesterday, I was talking with my brother on the phone. We’d been playing phone tag for a couple days. As we were saying our goodbyes, he said, “I’m glad you’re still alive.” I said, “Sweetheart, when you call me and I don’t answer, it means that I’m busy, not that I’m dead, ok?” He said, “Ok, I’ll try not to worry.”

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I hate worrying, but that sure doesn’t stop me from doing it. I can remember in my 20’s and 30’s, trying to call my mom…who was ALWAYS home. I was actually known to call the ER to see if she was there when I couldn’t reach her in a timely fashion. I worried about my kids…probably WAY too much, but that’s what happens when you’ve been the victim of childhood sexual abuse. You worry about EVERY possible thing that can go wrong and you try to plan out every possible scenario before it happens so you don’t get caught flat footed.

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It’s exhausting.

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What a simple question to ask yourself when you start down that rabbit hole. 

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“Would it help?”

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Does worrying help anything…I mean, really help? It just compounds an already stressful situation. I’ve done a lot better as I get older. I have a lot more tools in my toolbox. One of the most common questions I ask myself is this… 

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“Is there anything I can do about it at this very moment?”

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If the answer is yes…then I try to do that thing. If the answer is no, I just hand it over to God and ask Him to do the heavy lifting for me. If not, I can easily slip into anticipatory anxiety and I hate that. 

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God wants to help us…on all days…in all ways. Nothing is too big or too small for God. We aren’t bothering Him when we ask Him for help. As a matter of fact, I think it pleases Him greatly when we turn to Him. Just remember how you feel when your adult child asks you for your opinion or direction. Doesn’t that feel good? Well, it feels good to God, too.

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Next time you’re handling something cool as a cucumber and someone says, “Don’t you ever worry?” Just ask them…

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“Would it help?”

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\n[www.youtube.com/watch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXRcxk11LqE)\n
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?

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“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”

\nProverbs 12:25 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-08-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/08/09/would-it-help.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/07/31/back-to-mr-fixit.html", "title": "Back to Mr. FixIt", "content_html": "\n
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My poor sweetie has played second fiddle for two weeks while Little was here. We did things together…sure. But he had to share and he’s not used to that. We drove to Columbus to take Little to the airport. I was able to accompany them to the gate and wait till the plane took off and there’s a great website where you can actually watch the plane fly across the country on a map in real time. As I’m writing this, they are 180 miles away from DIA. The things they can do these days!

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We decided to stay overnight in the Columbus area because it was a long day and I didn’t want to make that drive home after dark. We stayed near the Easton Mall which is tres chic…although the hotel we chose was anything but. It was clean, but dated. I never could get the internet to work, but the 5G finally started working better so it was fine.

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I’m telling you what, I love that grandchild of mine, but there is a reason God doesn’t give 15-year-olds to 69-year-olds. I am fried. I told Mr. FixIt that I would need a week to recuperate! lol I wouldn’t trade the time with little for anything in the world. We did SO much in those two weeks but we have to fit a lot in. We’re already thinking about what we’re going to do the next visit!

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So, I’m going to enjoy the day today with Mr. FixIt. We’ll go exploring and meander our way home. Or…maybe we’ll make a bee line and get home in time to mow! It rained all week and the grass is so thick and deep, I’m going to have to cut it at half the height I usually do, then go back over it the next day. Otherwise, I risk breaking the belt on the mower deck.

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At this time of year, there is so much to do…all the time. We really have no choice but to buckle down and get it done! I hope you are enjoying your lovely weekend. I sure loved taking you along with us on Nana and Littles’s Excellent Adventure! It was a lot of fun!!!

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UPDATE: Little landed safely at 10:12pm! Thank you for all your prayers.

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?

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“The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.”

\nPsalm 121:8 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-07-31T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/07/31/back-to-mr-fixit.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/07/12/centering-with-mindfulness.html", "title": "Centering with Mindfulness", "content_html": "\n
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All done except for the plackets, buttons and buttonholes, and weaving the ends!

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When I’m riding the tractor, my mind wanders from topic to topic. I try to be mindful and present and actually…you know…mow. With all the feelings and smells and sounds and techniques that come with that. Sometime’s I’m successful at that. Other times…not so much. Yesterday was one of those days. I did manage to keep in the moment when I was mowing the little tiny rises along the road and out by the circular drive because the grass was still a little damp and the tires on this tractor can get a little slippery. But as soon as I had that done, I was off somewhere else.

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You and I have talked a lot here about anxiety and depression and grief and PTSD. I’ve been doing a lot better with those since I had the second parathyroid surgery and my calcium has come back down into the normal range. I’ve used so many things over my lifetime to try to calm my poor brain…lots of prayer, therapy, medication, EMDR, meditation, exercise, diet, better sleep hygiene. Overall, it’s much better. But, from time to time, it still rears its ugly head and it is so disheartening. I know it’s not something I’m liable to be rid of completely, but I am always looking for something that will help.

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Because of the nature of my writing, anytime I use a hashtag on my blog on Facebook, I start seeing sponsored ads for things. Usually I just scroll by and pay them no mind. But, yesterday’s gave me pause and I paid attention. My particular flavor of anxiety is usually anticipatory…usually surrounding an event that’s coming up and my mind takes me in every possible direction trying to plan it all out so I am not surprised by anything. I hop from one unlikely scenario to another till my palms are sweaty and my neck is tight. My tummy gets tied up in knots and my breathing picks up. It’s crazy…absolutely crazy.

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The human mind is an amazing computer that prepares us for anything. The second you feel threatened, it sends out a great big dose of cortisol and adrenalin to get you ready to either stay and fight or run away as fast as your little legs can carry you. But here’s something I didn’t know…and I learned it yesterday. When we have that particular variety of anxiety, we have trained out brains to be on guard at all times…to scout out danger and let the brain and body know right away…whether there is something actually happening in real time or if it’s just something you thought up in your little monkey brain. It sucks.

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But, here’s the good news. Just like you trained your brain to look for danger, you can also train it to look for the light and the good stuff. What a concept! This new app…Mood Mint…gives you little two minute exercises. It shows you four pictures and you look for and choose the happy picture…the good-for-you picture. Like three of the faces may be grumpy or judgy and the fourth is a person smiling. Or maybe it’s faces and fatty foods or exercising. Good for you things. The goal is to select as many of the happy images as you can in a certain about of time. Then it gives you a point to ponder some mental health tip and you’re reading it while you are priming your brain to “happy”. Then you go back to more photo choices. The next thing is word search puzzle with four absolutely positive words to think about as you repeat it in your head because you’re actively searching for it. Once you solve that puzzle, if there is still time, you get more photos to choose from. The last thing is a guided inhale and exhale. The whole thing is fast and easy and they suggest you do at least ten minutes of these every day. Ostensibly, in a couple of weeks, you have retrained your brain to stop looking for threats everywhere you go. 

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I used the app three times yesterday. And I have to tell you, I don’t know if it was the power of suggestion or placebo effect, but I did feel less anxious. We are leaving for a road trip to pick up Little this week and, while I absolutely adore that child, I worry about all the what-ifs that could happen on my watch. Sorry…it’s just how my brain is wired. And it takes a crap-ton of the delicious anticipation and fun out of it for me when I’m fighting to ward off anxiety. The app cost a couple of bucks, and I’m hoping it might be a good tool to have in my mental health tool box. 

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I have to add in here…God uses the bad things that happen to us and turns them around for our good and for His glory. Heaven knows the last couple of years have been really difficult with the pandemic and all the upheaval in the world. One of the only good things I’ve seen that has come out of that is an embrace of mental health issues. We are having the conversations we should have been having for decades. I see evidence of people perhaps being less ostracized for their mental health struggles because, let’s face it…it’s a lot more mainstream now. 

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Change can be hard to come by…but it can be really good for us all. Let’s keep our minds open for changes. We cannot all have everything we want…but we can meet in the middle and that’s worth working for.

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?

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“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

\n2 Timothy 1:7 ESV\n
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At least once a week…too often more…we have to run to town and do errands. With the price of gas, we try to hold all errands to that one day if at all possible. I think we’ll probably have to start grouping our medical appointments to cut back on drives into town. A round trip including errands all over town can easily rack up thirty, forty…even fifty miles. When you get around 16 miles per gallon and your gas costs upwards of $5 a gallon, it pays to collate your errand list into as efficient a circuit as possible.

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We went to Sam’s and bought a few bulk items that we needed. They had a great sale on chicken thighs for 98¢ a pound. One of my friends and I have a game where we try to beat each other’s best deals. I was so proud of that chicken. Then she told me Walmart had whole legs for 84¢ a pound! (If we didn’t have so much to do this weekend, I would have bought enough to can a few jars.) I beat her on gas, though! $4.86 a gallon at Sam’s. The line reminded me of the ‘70s during the oil embargo. 

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I always pick up a rotisserie chicken when I go to the store. We have sandwiches a lot over the summer because you don’t have to heat up the house cooking. I love cold chicken or roast beef sandwiches. We bought bread at the discount bread store for much less than we could get it at Sam’s. When we got home, we had our chicken sandwiches and watched the recording of America’s Got Talent from Tuesday night while I worked on the socks I’m knitting.

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I’ve been extra careful shopping the last few months. I found a really big chuck roast for $17. I’ll put it in the slow cooker in the morning. Then we’ll have meat to take with us on our camping trip next week. We bought Hebrew National hotdogs. I won’t scrimp when it comes to hotdogs and sausages. I don’t want beaks and bits in my buns!

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We stopped to water the tomatoes at our friend’s house in town and they have gotten SO big! They need tied up and the suckers pruned again. Mr. FixIt went out when we got home and picked our first harvest of blueberries. We only have one blueberry bush but it’s really loaded this year. It has just about outgrown the cage Mr. FixIt built over it to keep the birds out. Maybe in a couple of years, we’ll get enough to make a batch of blueberry jam!

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We’ve had little bits of rain the last couple of days but nothing to speak of. It was a tad bit cooler yesterday with a high of 84°. Today isn’t supposed to get over 75°! That’s much more like our normal June temperatures and I’ll take it any day of the week. It’ll be a good day to mow. There is so much to do around here this time of year. But, farm-life is the best life and it’s so, so good for you to get outside in the fresh air to do a solid day’s work.

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I hope you enjoy your beautiful June weekend! For those of us who may not have had a good relationship with our fathers, may we remember those good men who perhaps stood in that space for us. And honor the fathers of our children…present or not. Remember Juneteenth and send up a solemn prayer in honor of those who suffered unspeakable tragedies under enslavement. I am grateful President Biden made Juneteenth a national holiday. You can read more about this holiday HERE.

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?

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““Whoever steals a man and sells him, and anyone found in possession of him, shall be put to death.”

\nExodus 21:16 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/18/maters-and-berries-and-emancipationnbsp.html", "tags": ["Faith","Forgiveness","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/12/a-mellow-day.html", "title": "A Mellow Day", "content_html": "\n
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The color is washed out in this photo. I was sitting in the shade under the pergola.

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I sleep out in the camper as often as I can in the summer. It not only gives me the feeling that I am really camping, but it also takes me to that safe place of prayer and meditation where I spent the first couple of years after becoming a widow. I was so upset Friday when the camper broke…AGAIN. And I knew I would toss and turn with my stomach in knots. So, I settled in, turned on the fans, and stretched out to read and write and knit. 

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The former Mrs. FixIt came over yesterday with a picture of a border collie that she decoupaged on wood. It looked just like Alice and it was so sweet of her to bring it to us. She was on her way to the nursery to get some plants at their big sale. If it weren’t for the fact that we travel and camp so much during the summer, I would have gotten some, too. But no one is here to water them regularly and I hate to spend good money on flowers that will either wither and die or be eaten my the local fauna. It was lovely to visit with her, though.

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We had a very lazy, lay low day. We thought we might go out to the farm to mow, but it really didn’t need it on Wednesday when we were there. Maybe Monday. We cooked out and ate on the deck by the pool, which was lovely….our first time this season. The high here was only 75° yesterday and I can handle that all day long. Starting Tuesday, we head into the 90’s…just in time for my camping trip with the girls! Thank God for air conditioning in the camper! When I camp with my camping gals, we chat all morning, and then sit in the shade with fans till we can’t stand it anymore, then we nap and read in the AC till the evening starts to cool off. That’s my kind of camping!

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We’ll mow here today. I know…it’s Sunday. The day of rest and praising Jesus…both of which I can do from the seat of a tractor. I’ll crank up my music on the headphones and worship Him in His creation…taking care of what He gave us. 

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? ? ?

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““Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created.””

\nRevelation 4:11 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/12/a-mellow-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/08/too-close-to-home.html", "title": "Too Close to Home", "content_html": "\n
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I went to knitting group yesterday. I haven’t been there since I got back from Colorado. I found some yarn to make Big a sweater to take to college with her. I’ve got about 6” of it knitted and I’m not sure I am happy with the yarn itself. It is a blend of baby llama, Merino wool, silk and linen and it’s certainly going to be warm. But it has these weird fibers in it. It’s kinda like pulling out sticks and twigs and leaves and little wiry bits. I’m pulling the stickiest of them out as I knit, but I can just imagine wearing it and getting stuck with these fibers. I know she’d have to wear a shirt under it or it would be really itchy. So, before I knit any more of it, I’ll give it some thought. I might give the yarn to my dear friend, Gail. She is a prolific knitter and I’m sure she could use it. She’s always making hats and mittens and things to give to people who need them.

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When I was at the knit shop, Mr. FixIt took my truck to the body shop to have the rusty areas looked at to see what we can do. When he arrived, the guys in the shop motioned for him to drive the truck in really fast. It turns out, there was a domestic violence situation next door in a trailer park and a man was barricaded inside. He had been firing a gun all morning…out the windows, I guess. The police arrived just before Mr. FixIt got there. And people were still driving up the street and standing around everywhere. The SWAT team came and engaged with the suspect and he was shot in the abdomen. He was rushed to the hospital and straight into surgery. 

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Mr. FixIt was at the red dot. The shooter was at the red X.

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Too close, people. WAY too close.

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My sweetheart got out of there as fast as he could and is fine. He’s a rock, I’m telling you. I’m a puddle. We don’t go anywhere that I’m not looking at everyone. I look for escape routes and suspicious people. I’m happiest on our five acres with Mr. FixIt by my side. That being said, God did not give us a spirit of fear. That doesn’t mean that we won’t face scary things, though. 

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Fear is a normal physiological response. When faced with frightening situations, our bodies pump out a massive surge of adrenalin. The sole purpose of this is to prepare us to either fight the aggressor or run like heck as fast as we can. It is a survival mechanism that has been in place since the dawn of man. It’s how we protect ourselves. That being said, it’s not a place to pitch a tent and live forever. Living in fear is not what the Lord had in mind when He gave us adrenal glands.

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Remaining in a state of fear is harmful to our health….in every way. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When I am faced with fearful situations, I remind myself to breathe first. Then I ask myself if I am in true danger at the moment. No? Breathe again. If I can do something about it…I do it. If not, I breathe again. Once the threat is past, I’m often left with this lingering jittery feeling and maybe even an upset stomach. That is the adrenalin speaking and it’s not going to kill me no matter how icky it feels.

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I’ve found if I just sit, I’m liable to ruminate and make matters worse. Writing helps tremendously. Getting up and doing something diverts my attention. Cleaning the kitchen. Taking out the trash. Stepping into a shower. Going outside and looking at the stars or the clouds…whichever is making its appearance at the time. I usually can’t concentrate on a book and I don’t watch TV. One of the quickest ways to settle my mind and my spirit is to knit and pray. This accomplishes two things…I calm down, and whoever wears what I’m knitting has the added advantage of wrapping themselves in lots and lots of prayers. Win-Win.

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I don’t know if there is actually MORE gun violence than normal happening right now or if it’s more the “cause du jour” that the media is focusing on. It seems the rapid fire news cycle is meant to keep us stirred up and angry or fearful. High tension sells news. Whatever the case may be, I’m all about jumping on this wave and riding it to come up with some sort of reasonable bipartisan gun laws that will help stop the madness. When the shots happen that close to those I love dearest in the world, my mama bear energy gets riled up. Thoughts and prayers are very important, but we must DO something. 

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?

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“I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.”

\nPsalms 34:4 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/08/too-close-to-home.html", "tags": ["Faith","Fear","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/06/new-eyes.html", "title": "New Eyes", "content_html": "\n
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I remember when I became a Christian and invited Jesus into my heart. It felt as though every cell in my body had been made new again. My vision was even different. I was given new eyes. Not literally, of course…but I was seeing the world through the lens of Jesus. Everything was filtered in a new light and I could see beauty in places I’d never seen it before.

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I was talking with a friend of mine the other day who is developing a relationship with God. I shared something in a conversation and the response was… “You have grown.” I smiled and said a gracious thank you. I have grown. I’ve put in a lot of work AND Jesus has done the biggest part of the heavy lifting. However, part of the shift in this person’s perception is the new eyes they’ve been given. It’s wonderful to see the metamorphosis in a person that comes through faith. 

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I watched church online yesterday. It’s the first time I’ve watched a sermon in a while. We’ve been in a season of being still. We stopped going to church in person early in the pandemic. We watched our home church online for about a year afterward. Then, a series of events occurred that caused us to lose confidence in our pastor. I was disappointed, to say the least. It wasn’t a crisis of faith or belief. We just needed to be still and listen for God in our lives. 

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He has shown up in huge ways. We’ve seen frank miracles play out before us and it’s been so comforting to know God never leaves our side…no matter where we are in our process. I picked up my coffee and my book and headed out to the deck to read before the day got too hot. Not long after I sat down, I received a notification that Red Rocks Church was going online in five minutes. I felt compelled to tune in and it was as if someone passed a note to Pastor Shane and said, “Here…talk about letting go. Ginny needs to hear this and send it to her friend.” It was the perfect message at the perfect time.

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God shows up for us in the most amazing ways and we can truly be in a relationship with Him if we open our hearts and minds, let go, and listen for His voice. It humbles me every single time. It excites me. It brings me joy. It fills me with awe. I sat there listening to the sermon and it couldn’t have been more direct if they would have said my name…or my friend’s name. I shared it, of course. After all…it was given to me for that very purpose.

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Hearing God’s voice, feeling His presence, and taking directions is only part of the equation. It’s equally important to do what He tells us to do. When you do that, there is inexplicable peace and joy that washes in. And that…that is a feeling that makes you want to keep coming back for more.

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?

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“You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.”

\nPsalms 16:11 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/06/new-eyes.html", "tags": ["Faith","Love","God","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/05/finding-light-in-the-darkness.html", "title": "Finding Light in the Darkness", "content_html": "\n
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I do not know what it feels like to be told you have what could be a terminal illness. I’ve held a sacred space for many people that I love as they walk that path but I know that is not the same thing. It’s a different journey than the sudden loss of Mr. Virgo and his heart attack or my best friend who died after a week with a bad stomach flu. I can’t imagine going through all the testing, the waiting, the dread. The treatments. The…decisions.

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Before Harry Morgan played Colonel Potter in M*A*S*H, he filmed an episode where he played Major General Bartford Hamilton Steele, a totally batty two-star general. Upon meeting Father Mulcahy, he shouted “There are no atheists in foxholes!” Which is an aphorism suggesting extreme times of stress or fear can cause one to search for a higher power to help through the episode.

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I can attest, from a personal perspective, there is much truth in that. It wasn’t until I was “at the bottom of my barrel” after an ugly nervous breakdown and the subsequent loss of my mother that I finally gave in and handed the reigns over to God. I cannot imagine how I would have gotten through Mr. Virgo’s death without Jesus to carry me through the tall grass. 

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Serious illness triggers a grief response the same as losing a loved one. Finding your way through the darkness of grief is easier when you carry the Light of God with you. That Light gives you hope…not only in the possibility of healing, but also the hope of something beyond. When I was in Colorado last month staying with my son-in-law’s parents, I learned of a book they were reading called After by Bruce Greyson, MD. 

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Like most science-backed physicians, Dr. Greyson believed “near death experiences” were a product of wishful thinking or the side effects of a dying brain. Then, as a new physician, he had his own experience with a dying patient that he couldn’t explain. This led him into forty-five years of research into Near Death Experiences at the University of Virginia. My friend Sue told me the book made her feel even more hopeful about what lies beyond death.

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I ordered my own copy and have just started reading it. I went through an interesting experience when I was in the Emergency Room after my overdose so I’m looking forward to reading similar stories. I know in my heart that Heaven is real. But maybe…just maybe, God gives us these little glimpses of what is to come. Like standing outside the window of the biggest and best toy store as a kid and looking through a clear spot in the glass then sending us home to tell about what we saw.

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Where there is Light, there is always hope. It’s something to hold onto, to treasure, to believe in. To have Faith in. It can get you through the darkest hours. Going through the grief of loss, be it life or health or what have you, the cries and laments from the pain is how we honor what was lost. Using that Light to help you through the darkness is life changing. You WILL come out a different person on the other side. Changed.

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The greatest change doesn’t come in your comfort zone. On that you can rely.

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?

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“Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.” 

\nHebrews 11:1 NLT\n
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When I walked into the house last Saturday, there were a dozen roses waiting for me on the kitchen counter. The house was picked up and tidy, there were fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, and a new carton of Half & Half for my coffee in the fridge. I felt so loved and I knew how much Mr. FixIt missed me. I missed him as well, however my time had been packed so full with activities and the chore of driving five days in each direction, I didn’t have much time to dwell on it. Here, it was just him and the cat so he was super duper glad to have me home. 

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I love flowers. I would love to have a garden like Martha Stewart, but I won’t spend the money to feed the deer and the bunnies who frequent our property. I’ll make do with what nature provides from the first raspberry pink blush of the redbud trees to the ghostly lace dresses of the dogwood in the underbrush of the woods. Wildflowers bloom and fade, only to be replaced with the next batch and the next and the next. It seems to be a never ending parade of beauty here in West Virginia.

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While there is always some wildflower blooming here, the real prize for me is the dense canopy of deciduous hardwoods mingled with evergreens in the surrounding woods. Every hour, the light changes and there is a different palette presented for my viewing pleasure. That is God. God gives us beauty. He provides for us these tender moments of peace to soothe our battle weary souls. His plan is to prosper us, give us hope, and a future.

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We don’t know his plans. We cannot possibly comprehend that, even in our darkest moments, God is busy turning things around and bringing us something that is better for us. I’ve witnessed a miracle lately. It’s not my story to tell…not now, anyway. But something I’ve prayed for daily for years…YEARS…has come to fruition. Something I never, ever dreamed was even remotely possible. I hope you’ve experienced those moments when there is no other reasonable explanation for something other than prayers have been answered. 

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It renews my faith every time this happens. I’ve found, when I notice the reality of God’s presence…working miracles right in front of me…I see Him more and more. I hear Him whisper into my heart. And I am humbled that He allows us to see and hear and feel His presence. Ours is a loving God…always and forever.

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?

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“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”

\nPsalm 139:7-12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-04T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/04/the-beauty-of-flowers.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/04/29/yet-another-trip-to-town.html", "title": "Yet Another Trip to Town", "content_html": "\n
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I loved those weeks during the winter when we went a whole week or more without driving to town once. I get so tired of that drive…even though I love driving and the countryside is beautiful. It’s just that, there’s no such thing as a “quick trip”. Every trip turns into a full day ordeal and all I want to do is get home and do stuff that needs doing. After the trip to the beach, we have either been in town or at the farm every day or spending all day mowing…every single day. 

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I thought we’d have an at home day yesterday, but I woke up and told Mr. FixIt I’d better get to the DMV and get the plates for the new camper so I can get them on for the trip. While I was in town, I decided to go get the oil changed and the tires rotated on the truck. I had to wait nearly two hours so I ran over to the pharmacy to pick up my meds then settled in to knit for a little while.

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I still have a couple of yarns left from earlier trips to the beach so I picked one with beautiful muted primary colors. About three years ago, I had some yarn in a basket and when we were expecting the great grandkids over, I hid the basket behind the loveseat so they couldn’t get in the yarn. Things got busy and I didn’t get back to knitting for quite some times. When I got back into knitting this winter, I pulled out that yarn and two or three of the yarn were just ruined by moths. 

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I salvaged this one and thought I might have success with it. But, alas…I ran into three places that had been damaged before I was even finished with the toe. You really can’t knit something with multiple strands tied together so I just chucked it in the trash and decided it was a lesson learned. I need to place these yarns in the freezer before I store them in bags with cedar chips or lavender to keep the moths out of them. It’s a shame to have to throw out beautiful and expensive yarns.

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The other day, I noticed the turn signal light on the driver’s side mirror has a lamp out. I tried to buy one at the auto parts store but was told I have to get it from the Ford dealership. I ran over to the parts department and…guess what? They had to order it and it’ll be in this morning. That means…ANOTHER drive to town! Argh!

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Meanwhile, I bought a beautiful hydrangea for the former Mrs. FixIt for her upcoming birthday. Since I’m leaving for the Colorado Adventure next week, I wasn’t sure I’d get to see her again before I go so I swung by her house on my way home. I really like her a lot. She showed me around her flower gardens. I am in awe of her green thumb! I could kill a silk plant…no lie.

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So, after we go to town to get the light bulb for the truck, we’ll head out to the farm to fix the water pump on the well. Remember how I told you as soon as mowing season hit, we wouldn’t have a spare minute? Well, I wasn’t kidding! I’m not complaining…I love doing it (except for all those trips to town, that is). It keeps me young and healthy and there’s no place I would rather live than in West Virginia country and no one I’d rather be with than my sweet man.

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It’s Friday all ready. This time next week, I’ll be on the road to see my Colorado peeps! I can hardly wait!!!!!

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?

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“Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.”

\nJob 12:12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-04-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/04/29/yet-another-trip-to-town.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Choices","Road Trip","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/04/28/vanity-fish-lips-and-flying.html", "title": "Vanity: Fish Lips and Flying Machines", "content_html": "\n
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When Daughter #1 was a little girl, we picked up an old, vintage vanity table for her to use as a desk. She sat there and colored with her crayons and worked on her homework. I spray painted it black and trimmed it in gold. I wasn’t necessarily very crafty back in those days. Look at this one…isn’t it gorgeous? When Daughter #2 came along, she inherited the vanity and then somewhere along the way, it was sent on to make someone else happy.

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I never really thought of connecting the word vanity the furniture and vanity the character trait, although that is precisely where this particular piece of bedroom and bathroom furniture got its name. It was used for personal grooming. When we were in school, we learned about vanity in the form of Narcissus from Greek mythology. He was a hunter who refused all romantic advances and fell in love with his own reflection in the water. He stared at it the remainder of his life.

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When I was young, vanity was discouraged as unladylike. It fits in with the pride and envy and even lust, gluttony, and sloth of the seven deadly sins. I remember going through a period as a tween when I stared at my perceived imperfections in the mirror. I remember when I started dating, I spent an inordinate amount of time on my hair and makeup. But still…I never could have imagined a time when young girls would have a portable telephone glued to their hands and take countless…COUNTLESS photos of themselves pursing their lips like pouty toddlers in drag.

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I don’t get it. Maybe it’s because I’m pushing seventy. Maybe it’s because I’m just not hip to the realities of youth today. I mean, I take selfies occasionally to use as profile pictures on my blog or other social media. I have fun with the kids using filters and sending funny photos back and forth. But to sit and take pictures of myself over and over and over? I haven’t changed much since yesterday…why do I need twelve more poses with kissy lips and enough makeup to kill Tammy Fay Baker?

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Our society has become so incredibly self centered. I think it all started with Dr. Spock and his instruction not to spank your kids. Before we knew it, we were handing out trophies just for showing up and no one learned how to lose. Well, those trophy kids have grown up and become gazillionaires and now they practice vanity by shooting themselves and their rich friends up into space on rockets (that may or may not be an over compensation for a small…you know what)…simply because they can. 

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Yeah, yeah…I know. Space exploration and advancing technology is not a bad thing. (And, here I’m going to say something that I SWORE I’d never say!) Back in MY day (OY…I said it!) the uber wealthy built things like massive buildings and libraries and artistic venues like concert halls and museums and ball fields. They didn’t blow the entire worth of Jamaica on an imaginary town square called Twitter where lies are peddled like M&M’s and grown people fight like sixth graders.

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I do not know how to put the genie back in the bottle. I don’t think we can. It’s gone WAY beyond that now. But I do truly pray something changes before we’re warned not to look back or we’ll be turned into a pillar of salt.

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There’s good out there….but dang, sometimes the bad tips the scale way too far. Or, maybe it’s just the lies on social media trying to mess with our heads. All I know is, I look for the good everywhere I turn because it IS out there. And the more I look for it, the more I see. And the more I see, the more encouraged I am to share even MORE goodness. And the more goodness that’s out there in the world, the more it grows. 

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In the meantime, I sit around the campfire with Jesus and hope for the best.

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?

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“Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity.”

\nEcclesiastes 1:2 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-04-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/04/28/vanity-fish-lips-and-flying.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/04/07/holding-on-to-joy.html", "title": "Holding On to Joy", "content_html": "\n
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My dear friend Marion sends me little texts when I need them. Be it a typo in my blog post, an interesting news story, or something cheerful to lift me up…I can always count on Marion to send me something sunny. Yesterday it was this lovely meme. I love dragonflies. They hover over our pool in the summer and rest on the tall grasses along the edge of the far field. They remind me of Evinrude…the character in the 1977 Disney feature, The Rescuers. I vividly remember a family night at the drive in theater when Daughter #1 was four years old. Dragonflies make me smile.

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It was on this day…fifteen years ago…that I married Mr. Virgo. I had no idea whatsoever that he’d be gone so soon. These are the days that used to knock me down in my early days of grief. The first anniversary after he passed was really hard as it was just three weeks after he died. It’s a different life now. A different world, surely. Life is what we make it, I think. 

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I am looking every day for joy. With all the crap that’s going on in the world right now, you would think real joy is a thing of the past. It’s hard to be joyful when others are suffering, and Lord have mercy…aren’t they suffering though? I should not…cannot…will not watch the news. When they warn you that some of the images are disturbing, trust them. Yet, in the midst of all that suffering, there are small snippets of joy. 

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A musician playing the cello amidst the ruins.

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Children being given parties with balloons and ice cream treats in the subways of Kyiv. 

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Couples defying all odds and finding love and marriage between bombs.

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The sheer act of standing their ground and standing up against tyranny brings a kind of joyful pride in the strength and courage of patriots…true patriots…who fight to defend their capital, not attack it.

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That kind of courage humbles me. When I witness acts of bravery like I’ve seen the last few weeks coming out of Ukraine, I feel embarrassed by some of the whining and sniveling I’ve seen within our own shores. Yet, I still look for joyful things in the everyday.

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As I worked on our taxes yesterday, I discovered we needed some more papers to complete them so there was a little work diversion. Once I figured out how to get the things we needed, we both received a weather notification. Rain was coming and we needed to get some work done on the camper to prepare for taking it to the shop today. I’m not sure why the refrigerator isn’t working, but hopefully it’s an easy fix. I’ll have to finish the taxes tomorrow.

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We’ve decided to take one day off when the camper is finished and stay overnight at a local state park near the dealership…even if it happens next week as we prepare for the beach trip. We definitely need a camping fix and next week is supposed to be beautiful around here. We need to find our joy…even if it’s just in small moments spent in nature. We definitely need our beach break next week.

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Even in the hardest of times, we have Jesus to bring us peace and joy. Knowing I can turn to Him, no matter what else is going on in the world, brings me such comfort. I’ll never be left without the weapons I need to fight the enemy. And, my oh my…the enemy is busy these days. But God is bigger…and stronger…and He WINS!

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Who is God? Who is the Great I Am? He is Love…with a capital L. He is the source of joy when the darkness threatens to overcome. He is here…closer than a breath away. He lives in our hearts and loves us more than we could ever fathom. What more do I need than this?

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?

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“He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?””

\nMatthew 16:15 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-04-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/04/07/holding-on-to-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/30/thank-god-im-a-country.html", "title": "Thank God I’m a Country Girl", "content_html": "\n
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I’ve been a farm girl for as long as I can remember…whether I lived in the country or not. The love of the land bit me when I was very young and the dream was never far away, even when I lived and worked in a city. This picture was taken at the log house Hubby #2 and I bought after he finished his residency and joined a practice in a tourist town on the Western Slope of the Rockies. 

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If you look closely, you can see the semi-arid, desert-like land we lived in. Rain was hard to come by. Lawns and gardens had to be irrigated with water you bought and paid for. And the ground itself was hard packed and needed so much work to foster it into something workable. As I fiddled around with my plantings, I dreamt of a farm in the lush green land of my youth. 

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For a number of reasons…not the least of which was being Jewish…my husband didn’t feel West Virginia would be very welcoming. Besides, he was a Colorado boy, born and bred. They don’t transplant well into humidity. So my dream of that verdant farm remained just that…a dream. I did the best I could with what I had to work with.

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On this day, I borrowed our neighbor’s tractor and plowed up a huge garden. I worked it, planted it, babied it, and fought the wildlife for my budding plants. Between the deer and the rabbits…it was a tough war. That summer, I left the watering to my husband and my daughter and I went to West Virginia to visit my mom and grandma. On June 23rd, he called me to break the news. It got down to 23° overnight and I lost everything.

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I was so disappointed. I vowed that very day to buy all my veggies from local farmers. I made friends with some people who lived on a mesa west of town. I drove out to their farm once a week to buy my produce from their organic farm in person to keep them from having to give a cut to the farmer’s market they frequented. I knew full well from watching my grandparents grow strawberries to sell…there’s a boatload of work in it and you need to get back every penny you can.

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When this photo popped up yesterday, I smiled at the warm memories it invoked. I was so young and energetic and idealistic. I was supremely confident my marriage would last the rest of our lives and we were going to live happily ever after. But, life isn’t a fairy tale and time can change even the most committed people. 

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I am who I am today, largely because of that twenty-year marriage. It gave me my second daughter. It gave me experiences and life lessons I couldn’t get any other way. Even though things got really, really hard at the end of that marriage, I wouldn’t trade it for anything because of the personal growth it forced me to make.

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I look at photos like this and compare it to where I am now in my life. I was thirty-four years old in this picture. I’m soon to be sixty-nine. A lot of water has gone under that bridge. Life has passages we go through….times of smooth sailing and times of strife. I know full well how blessed I am to be right where I am and with my Mr. FixIt. I don’t let a day go by without telling him how happy I am that our paths crossed again and that we chose to live out this adventure together.

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On occasion, my mind wanders to the darker sides of life. After having lost Mr. Virgo to a massive heart attack, I am fully aware how tenuous life is…how easily it all could be snatched away. I used to feel anxiety and fear at the “what ifs”. I’ve stopped doing that (most of the time, anyway), because that is not how God wants me to live my life. He tells me in His instruction manual that I cannot gain one hour in my life by worrying. He tells me not to be afraid…that He will equip me with exactly what I need, when I need it. And, He will carry me when the going gets tough.

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I have complete faith that He will do what He says He will because…I’ve seen Him fulfill His promises…over and over and over. Remembering that fact instills me with the confidence that I can do anything with Him in my life because He strengthens me. I know that He lives within me and He is greater that he who lives in the world. He makes sure that no weapon formed against me will prosper. These promises have gone a long way toward improving my emotional and physical wellbeing. 

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I don’t know how to act my age because, I’ve never been this age before. So I’ll just live each one of the days like it’s my last and enjoy the ride.

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?

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”

\nProverbs 3:5 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-30T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/30/thank-god-im-a-country.html", "tags": ["Faith","Choices","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/25/the-silence-is-deafening.html", "title": "The Silence is Deafening", "content_html": "\n
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Two years ago, the noise on my Facebook page was horrifying. So much anger and hatred. Politics, Faith, Health, and Interpersonal Relationships were crashing into each other with great waves of sound and emotion. It made my head hurt. It made my heart hurt. I tried listening. I tried reasoning. I tried educating..sharing fact based resources. But it seemed, everyone on the planet believed THEY knew what was right, what was truth, what was fact.

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I seriously couldn’t take it. I prayed about it and asked God to please tone down the noise level in my life. Something like a dull roar, perhaps. The message I got was…”Do what I ask of you. Write.” So, I kept writing. And slowly, slowly, slowly…the noise level has dropped tremendously, even in the midst of the current events. 

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I’m sure there are those who have disconnected from me, just as there are some I have disconnected myself from. Life is too short to live it in constant turmoil. I’ve learned to put a governor on my mouth. I don’t have to always be “right”. I don’t have to know all the answers. I’m not an expert on international relations or politics or science. I’m just a grandma who loves Jesus and has less years in front of me than I do behind. 

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When I look through my newsfeed on Facebook now, it’s filled with friends showing off their grandbabies or their latest quilting project or their favorite music group. There are posts about the news of the day, but these folks are all respectful. If they see something they don’t agree with, they either scroll on by or offer their viewpoint in a non-confrontational way. It’s like…all of a sudden…people are remembering their manners. At least, they are in my little curated corner of the world.

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I don’t have my head in the sand. I know what’s going on in the world. And, I dare say, the trolls are still out there…stirring up trouble. But I’ve uninvited them from my party. Consequently, the silence on my page is almost deafening. There is a part of me that wonders what they’re up to. Are they cooking up something bad? Is there another shoe about to drop? I do not know. All I know is, I know how this story ends. I know Who wins…and that’s the side I’m sticking to. Besides, I never wake up a sleeping baby.

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I’ll enjoy this peace and quiet. I can pray so much better without all the noise. Our home is more peaceful. I’m sleeping better than I think I ever have. My anxiety reactions are fewer and farther between. It almost feels like I’ve been let out of prison. And, in a way, I suppose I have…albeit a self-imposed one. I’ve prayed over and over and over in the last several months. 

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“Lord, please change me.”

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Indeed…my prayers have been answered. Something inside me has changed. I can’t even describe it other than I have this inner peace that feels like a bubbling spring of fresh water in my chest. 

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Living Water.

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?

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“Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.””

\nJohn 4:13-14 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/25/the-silence-is-deafening.html", "tags": ["Faith","Comfort","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/24/were-off-to-see-the.html", "title": "We’re Off to See The Wizard", "content_html": "\n
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We had some pretty fierce spring thunder boomers come through here yesterday. I was out in the Big Birdhouse chatting with my dear friend Gail when a notification came across my phone. We were under a tornado watch from 1:30-10:00 last night. Severe thunderstorm warnings with possible quarter sized hail and winds up to 75mph. Wowza! I quickly gathered up my stuff, dropped the top on the camper, and hightailed it inside.

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I have to say, I absolutely love thunderstorms. I remember as a kid in grade school, the windows in the classroom were huge because the building was really old. (It had the wooden desks with inkwells, so that tells you how old I am!) I remember the cozy feeling when the sky would get really dark in the middle of the day and the rain would come in sheets, beating against the wavy glass windows. The old milk glass globes on the lights that hung overhead cast an eerie glow to the scene.

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Thunderstorms are different here in WV than they are in Colorado. They’re bigger and darker and louder. You’ve heard Garth Brooks sing about how the thunder rolls? Well, that’s what it does here. The windows shake. Sometimes car alarms are set off. You can hear a storm coming from far off. And they travel fast, too. They pack a lot of wind and knock trees down over power lines and interfere with your satellite. I wish we had a big porch with a roof that I could go out and sit to watch the storms when they roll through.

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The worst of the storms passed by the time I sat down to write this last night around 8:30. I had the windows wide open and could hear the spring peepers serenading the little girl frogs. Water dripped off the edge of the roof into a little groove in the ground that matches the edge of the roofline. We had so much rain last night, there was standing water in the yard.

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I was supposed to go to join my camping friends today for four days of crafting fun, but poor Gail was sick with the flu this week and we all decided it was best to postpone. We have been so careful during the pandemic, we haven’t had so much as a cold, so I would really hate to get sick at this point. Fortunately, she is over it now, but better to be safe than sorry, right?

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I noticed the other night, the refrigerator isn’t working well in the brand new camper. I’ve unplugged it to give it a chance to thaw out just in case it’s frozen like air conditioners can do. It’s going to be really chilly the next few days, then we’ll be back to good weather next week. If the fridge doesn’t start working correctly, we’ll need to take it in to get fixed. It’s always something, isn’t it?

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I was the bird whisperer again yesterday when another little male downy woodpecker hit our window. I finally put the stickers up that I bought. My son-in-law’s mom says they work great for her, so hopefully I won’t walk out to find stunned birds on the stoop. We had a rainbow that ended right on our road. I think I’ve found the pot of gold…don’t you? 

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?

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“As the appearance of the bow that is in the cloud in the day of rain, so was the appearance of the brightness round about. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD. And when I saw it, I fell upon my face, and I heard a voice of one that spake.”

\nEzekiel 1:28 KJV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/24/were-off-to-see-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/23/in-times-like-these.html", "title": "In Times Like These", "content_html": "\n
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Paul Harvey once said, “In times like these, it’s helpful to remember that there have always been times like these.” I read that in my morning devotional yesterday and it really struck home. I’m soon to be sixty-nine years old. In those nearly seven decades, there have been plenty of “times like these”. The Cuban Missile Crisis. Assassinations. Wars. Riots. 9/11. The Pandemic. So many challenges. And, through all of them, the biggest sacrifices came in the form of loss and grief.

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It’s easy to let our imaginations run wild and head to the worst case scenarios. There’s nothing wrong with planning and being prepared. But obsessively ruminating over all the bad things is not where God has called us to stand. In Ephesians 6:13, we are instructed to take up the full armor of God so we can withstand the evil of the day and, having done all, to stand firm. Those last six words are the key.

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We need to do our part…do everything we can that God asks us to do, then stand still and watch how he works it all out. Standing still. Letting go. It’s vitally important. Because you cannot hear the voice of God when you’re screaming and in a frenzy.

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Life is incredibly beautiful and incredibly hard at the same time. There is so much wonder and so much ugliness. And it all happens at the same time, just not always at the same place. For the most part, we have lived long stretches of what could best be described as a charmed life in this country. We have enjoyed privileges so many in this world cannot even dream of. We’ve come to enjoy that…expect that…even demand that.

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Everyone, at one time or another, has experienced great hardship in their lives. The last few years, we have had a collective hardship to bear. Watching the pandemic play out around the globe has perhaps brought us into closer community with our fellow earthlings. We’ve become more aware, dare I say…empathetic. I hope this pulling together continues, because a house divided cannot stand.

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Our best way to do that is to remember the scriptures that tell us to not be afraid, to do what God asks us to do, and then stand still…stand firm…and listen to that still, small voice.

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?

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“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.”

\nEphesians 6:13-20 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/23/in-times-like-these.html", "tags": ["Faith","Fear","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/22/impromptu-road-trip.html", "title": "Impromptu Road Trip", "content_html": "\n
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Yesterday was the prettiest day so we decided to take a ride down to Charleston and run an errand. We also wanted to hit Cabella’s I’ve had Mr. FixIt thinking about what he really wants for his milestone birthday just passed and he finally came up with something. A really good surf fishing rod and reel. 

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I gave up the reins and let my sweetheart drive so I could knit…after a Dramamine, of course. It was sunny without a cloud in the sky. A perfect 70-ish degrees. I was amazed at the difference in the flowering trees just ninety miles south of us. Everything was in full bloom! I felt like we just kind of stumbled into spring and it was divine!

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After a long browse in Cabella’s and a short stop at the hardware store, we stopped for an early dinner at LongHorn Steakhouse. I told Mr. FixIt I was really in the mood for a GOOD burger. A hand shaped patty of quality ground meat, not what these fast food places put out as an excuse for real food. This place didn’t disappoint. All the fixin’s were fresh and so tasty. The fries could have been a little hotter and crisper, but that could be because we opted for curbside service and they wilted a little. All in all, it was exactly what I was after, albeit much more expensive than I would have liked.

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It was one of those days that will stick in my mind for a while. We’ve been inside so much this winter and getting out like this when it’s not too hot, not too cold, just right was invigorating. I’ve been feeling better since my surgery. I am not sure that’s because anything in particular has changed other than my attitude. I will tell you, it is a blessed relief not to be seeing a doctor every single week!

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Our next big chore is to get new roofs put on our house and our rental house. It makes me feel guilty that we can do such mundane things when so many in the world are struggling just to survive. This is a hard, hard world right now. But there is love in it. And miracles. And hope. And, while we may not feel joy in every present moment, the Bible tells us Joy cometh in the morning. I put my faith in that. It helps me get through the sorrow.

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????

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“Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.”

\n1 John 3:2-3 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-22T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/22/impromptu-road-trip.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Fun"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/13/the-gift-of-grace.html", "title": "The Gift of Grace", "content_html": "\n
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God grants us grace, even though we are fallible creatures and don’t deserve it. It is His Gift to us and we would do well to be appreciative. We share that gift with others as a sort of “paying it forward”. We let go of the slights of others against us. We forgive others of countless trespasses. I’ve found the one person we are most likely to forget when we are handing out grace is ourselves.

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This hit home with me this week as I struggled with losses. I wrote about losing my dear friend Diane in December and how I blamed myself for not being more forceful with her… “demanding” that she get out of bed and go to the ER. I wrote about the week leading up to Mr. Virgo’s death and how the doctor wanted him to have a cardiac work up and I didn’t fight harder to get him to acquiesce. I wrote about the clear premonitions I had in the days before his death, yet I said nothing.

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We can be so hard on ourselves, can’t we? Those feelings…that “lack of grace” doesn’t come from God, though. It comes from the enemy to try and break us and defeat us. I awoke yesterday at 6:30am…far earlier than usual. I laid there in the early morning stillness, watching the light begin to creep in the windows of our room. The snow was still falling and the wind whistled around the corners of the house and through the hedgerow beyond. I knew sleep would not return, so I quietly slipped out of bed and closed the door behind me.

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I made coffee in my Italian espresso maker. It always comes out so strong so I softened it with milk and hot water to make it more palatable. Still, I have been drinking weaker coffee since my surgery, and soon my heart was fluttering and I felt jittery. I rocked in front of the fire and knitted, relished the quiet solitude of these early morning hours before the TV gets turned on. My mind raced faster than my needles. The combination of the extra caffeine and the significance of the day weighed heavily on me and I soon felt anxious. 

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I truly hate that feeling. The one thing that will make it escalate is the thought that follows. “OMGosh! What would I do if there was an emergency now and I’m feeling so overwhelmed and out of control already?” I know it’s ridiculous because I know God gives us what we need in emergencies. I’m doing much better at turning these things over to God and letting him handle it. I closed my eyes and talked with Him. 

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“God…I’m going to lay this basket of junk at the foot of your Cross today. Please take it and give me the direction you meant me to go.” In that moment, the word “Grace” popped into my mind. As I sat there and rocked gently, the word loomed ever larger and I realized…God not only wants us to share His Grace with others. He also wants us to grant a goodly portion on ourselves. 

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It’s ok that I was overwhelmed with all the feelings yesterday. It’s ok that I allowed myself those moments to feel sad and anxious without imposing guilt, shame, and weakness on top of it. I am not weak. I’ve nothing to feel guilty for. I needn’t experience shame. I grieve the losses of the ones I love…and the vast number that I don’t even know. 

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It’s ok to not be ok every moment of every day. Today is a new day. I don’t stay down very long anymore. I’ll indulge that twenty-four hours…or whatever time I need…then pick myself up, dust myself off, and ask God…

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“Ok, what’s next?”

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?

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“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus,”

\nRomans 3:23-24 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/13/the-gift-of-grace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grace","Love","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/12/the-first-step.html", "title": "The First Step", "content_html": "\n
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There is a wise saying… “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” There is so much truth in that, whether it is literal or figurative. Nine years ago, Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly and I was sent on a journey. And, while I didn’t ask for it, the journey has not been without value. My husband didn’t need to die so that I could learn these lessons and not everything happens for a reason. Good things and crappy things coexist in life all the time. It is the nature of the beast. While my husband died and I felt unbelievable grief, I also learned so much about myself and attained great personal growth.

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As I sat and knitted quietly yesterday, I thought of Mr. Virgo and our relatively short time together. He was hardworking, gifted, intelligent, fun, and handsome. He taught me so much. He put to rest a lot of my issues of abandonment. He showed me I was worthy and beautiful and talented. He carried my heart on a velvet pillow and I felt the same about him. We were a mutual admiration society.

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I took a photo of the progress I’m making on the shawl I’m knitting. As I prepared it for today’s post, I noticed the thread dangling from the middle. This pattern began with a single stitch. Then three, then seven, and eventually it grew and grew as I carefully added stitches evenly across the rows. This shawl has come into my life at exactly the right time. It is showing me how, with perseverance and determination, taking one step at a time moves you forward and creates something beautiful. Each stitch has been saturated with prayers…for widows around the world, new and old. For health and happiness. For peace and prosperity. For hope. And for love.

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One little stitch. One little step at a time. A new life has been created and my phoenix rose from the ashes of my grief. God has been with me every step of the way. Carrying me along when I needed it. Dragging my butt, kicking and screaming sometimes. I would never have believed I’d be where I am today…happy, healthy, secure…married to my best friend from high school. Mr. Virgo’s life was not lived in vain. He accomplished so much in his 62 years. And he left me with what I needed to build the life I think he somehow knew I’d be pressed upon to lead. 

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That morning, we went to Grand Junction, and as we stood in the fourth camper…he suffered a massive heart attack. He made it to the hospital and, after hours of working diligently on his failing heart, they quietly let him go in peace. Another year gone…another year with God. I would never wish Mr. Virgo away from that complete joy. I can recite the events of that day, and I know they were horrifying. However, I cannot feel the feelings that went along with that unless I dive down into the quagmire…something I long ago learned does not serve me well. I think of him often…not with tears anymore, but with fondness and gratitude and love.

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Mr. Virgo 1950-2013

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?

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“But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.”

\n1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 ESV\n
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I ran across a really simple shawl pattern yesterday morning. After looking through my stash of beautiful yarns, I selected a simple single twist cotton/rayon blend in rich jewel tones called “Fire Opal”. Such a yarn needs a simple, straightforward pattern because the variations in color and texture are what makes it interesting on its own. I got up a couple of hours early and Mr. FixIt slept in, so I had my coffee and watched the fog slowly dissipate as I began working the yarn on my needles.

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Other than keeping track of right and wrong sides and adding stitches every other row, there really isn’t much to this particular pattern. It’s something I can knit while Mr. FixIt watches his shows. Around mid-day, he went out to empty the bed of his truck. He purchased a fire pit kit in town on Tuesday and he needed to unload it. We’ve decided to buy a Solo Stove to set in the fire ring. They don’t put off an inordinate amount of heat, but they do keep the smoke down with a patented afterburner effect. I love a fire…but not the smoke…and I like to sleep with the windows open at night. I can’t stand to smell a stinky fire while I’m trying to sleep, so hopefully this will be a proper compromise.

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We have been watching the weather reports and it looks like we may get a sizable snow Friday night through Saturday. The wind chill could get down to -15°…NOT my idea of a good time. And just in time for the beginning of Daylight Savings Time. There have been studies that show an increase in heart attacks in the three days after the beginning of Daylight Savings time. You can read an article HERE. It has to do with an interruption in the circadian rhythms. Mr. Virgo died on the second day after the time change. If you don’t think I have an eagle eye out on Mr. FixIt surrounding the time change, you’ve got another think comin’. I’m hyper-vigilant…poor man. If I could wrap him in bubble wrap, I would do it. So, please be careful out there.

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I called a dear friend of mine yesterday. I met Kathy in church…she was my small group leader. Kathy is one of those friends who you can go to for spiritual advice and I always value her counsel. I told her about losing my friend, Diane in December. I still feel the ache of her absence in my life, but one of the deepest feelings I’ve been dealing with is guilt. I feel that somehow, I should have been able to go get Diane and get her to a hospital when she was so sick. However, ever since Mr. Virgo’s heart attack and watching them do CPR on him for what seemed like forever…I don’t handle emergencies particularly well. When Diane got so sick, I was having massive panic attacks. I wanted her to get help. I encouraged her every time I chatted with her to get to a hospital and get fluids, but she was adamant…she was NOT going. I’m not sure why. But, when she died and I hadn’t even tried to go get her, I was wracked with guilt.

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I shared this with Kathy and she stopped me mid-sentence. 

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“Ginny…that is the enemy talking to you. He’s whispering in your ear and telling you…if you were just stronger…if you’d just gone over to her house…if you weren’t so weak…you might have saved her! He’s telling you that you weren’t a very good friend.” She’s absolutely right, of course. That’s what the enemy does…he tries to use your own thoughts to destroy you. I was a very good friend. I encouraged Diane to seek help, to call her son…to at least call the doctor. I wasn’t the only one who tried to warn her. As my doctor explained to me when I shared my grief with her….

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“People make decision about what they’re going to do and what they’re NOT going to do. And sometimes, those decisions don’t have a good ending.” I am healing, but it’s still hard sometimes. Add to that the events of the last two years…between the pandemic, the election, the insurrection, the great and terrible losses, and now this terrible war in Ukraine…and frankly, my heart hurts.

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I thought I might go out to the farm for a couple of days this weekend, but we are expecting that snow and I don’t need to be over there where the power could go out and I’d be stuck there without Mr. FixIt. I’ll just stay here and honor Mr. Virgo in some way from the comfort of home.

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March 11th was a Monday. Mr. Virgo was so tired. He dressed in his Philadelphia Eagles sweats and stretched out on the sofa after breakfast…snoozing to the soft monotony of the Golf Channel. I was upstairs working in my studio. I came down at lunch and peeked over the back of the sofa. Mr. Virgo was on his back, his mouth gaped open in the depths of a nap. As I stood there watching him, I heard a voice standing right next to me.

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“This is what he’ll look like when he’s dead.”

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I nearly jumped out of my skin. I honestly thought someone was standing in the room right beside me, but there was no one there. In retrospect, I think God had been preparing me for a week for the upcoming disaster. But, at the time, I was properly freaked out. My gasp woke him up and he smiled up at me. 

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“Hey, baby doll….what’s for lunch?”

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If only he’d known what I saw. If only I’d told him. If I’d just insisted he follow the doctor’s advice four months before and had that cardiac work up. As with my friend Diane…it seemed as though I was watching events unfold but I had no control over them. I don’t believe I could have changed the coming events with either one of them. It seems like a movie I was destined to watch unfold but couldn’t stop.

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?

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““For the Lord God does nothing without revealing his secret to his servants the prophets. The lion has roared; who will not fear? The Lord God has spoken; who can but prophesy?””

\nAmos 3:7-8 ESV\n
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In August 1988, George Herbert Walker Bush became the Republican Nominee for President of the United States. In his acceptance speech, he coined a phrase that has reverberated down the halls of time ever since. He exhorted the American people to become a kinder, gentler nation. He referenced “1000 points of light” which represented the diversity of this country. 

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I remember this so well. The following year, Hubby #2 and I decided to bring another child into the world and Daughter #2 was born in the Spring of 1990. I was encouraged and uplifted to hear our President encourage acceptance and kindness. Life seemed so simple then. Daughter #1 was preparing to head to college and we were busy raising a baby. 

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I kind of lost myself in the last decade of the 20th Century. My Daughter married a wonderful young man and moved to Long Island. My baby started school. My mental health went down the tubes and my marriage tumbled quickly right behind it. I was just coming back to myself when 9/11 happened. I saw our country come together in our collective grief, and again I felt such hope for humanity. We were really there for each other.

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I knew when I saw the second tower fall…our country would never be the same. I couldn’t have predicted the state we are in today, but Mr. Virgo did. There were many dinner conversations in which he would warn me of what was to come and I refused to believe it. He would gently chide me to stop acting like Pollyanna and look around me. I kept insisting…kindness matters.

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I still believe that. I still believe that those who have damaged our world will be held accountable someday. It may not be in this life…but someday they will be judged by a higher power than any courts of man. I rest on that knowledge. I also know, since the deregulation of the “news”, media peddles whatever sells…truth be damned. While I find this disheartening, I know in the end…this is not my forever home. This is where I came to learn to love like Jesus loves.

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Right now, there is a terrible and reckless chess game playing out in Eastern Europe. Mark my words, there is far more to this situation than is apparent on the surface. I am comforted in a renewed solidarity of NATO nations and pray that we will come out of this without destroying the world. Let’s just say…I never EVER dreamed this is how I’d be spending my golden years.

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The bottom line is this….no matter what is happening “out there”…I will seek peace, justice, kindness, and love. I had a lovely conversation with the most wonderful woman yesterday. Arlene was supposed to be my aunt. She was my Uncle Sonny’s fiancé. They would have been married sometime in the late ‘50s, but he was killed in a plane crash in 1955. Arlene went on and married and had a family in California. Grandma talked about her till the day she died.

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When I was helping my mom with her genealogical research and I discovered the power of the internet, I looked for Arlene and found her. I connected her with my mom and eventually, Arlene and her sister came here to West Virginia. She went to the cemetery and stood in front of my uncle’s grave and, as she wept, she heard a noise and looked up. A solitary military jet flew by overhead. She told me that story yesterday and said, in that moment…she was given closure. 

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Arlene is in her mid ‘80s now. Her husband has been gone for many years. She has some health issues but none terribly serious. She called me yesterday because she felt compelled to tell me how good the Lord is to us….even in the midst of uncertainty. Because, the Bible tells us we will have tribulations in this world. But Jesus has overcome the world. And He lives within me. The same power that created the world lives in me…knows me…loves ME. He has overcome the world. 

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I peeked at the end of this story. I know how it’s going to go. And I know, the very best thing I can do is share that love with you…share that kindness….offer you hope and peace in knowing we are never, ever alone. No matter how awful the news is. No matter how many scary stories are out there. Now matter how ugly things appear.

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If we can be anything in this world…we can be kind. Because…..kindness matters. 

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“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

\nEphesians 4:32 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-02-20T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/02/20/kindness-matters.html", "tags": ["Faith","Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/02/16/the-twenty-year-plan.html", "title": "The Twenty Year Plan", "content_html": "\n
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Ever since I found out the latest surgery to find the errant parathyroid glands in my neck was unsuccessful, I’ve felt like I’ve been floating around in a rowboat without any oars. Just bobbing along…not knowing what to do, or even if there is anything TO do. I prayed a lot about it over the weekend. I handed it to God and I told him I trusted He would help me to not only survive this disappointment, but to thrive in the process.

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I trust that God uses all things for His glory. I believe He has a plan for us to prosper and not to harm us…a plan that gives us hope and a future. Sometimes God whispers to us and guides us gently. Other times, He hits us up the side of the head or brings someone with a megaphone so we “get it”. That’s what He did when answering my weekend prayers.

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I have a dear friend who is like a sister to me. I never had a biological sister, but “Hattie” is as close to me as any blood relative. We usually check in with each other several times a week. She texted me Monday to see how I was feeling after my surgery. I told her I was just feeling rudderless…like I don’t know what direction to turn. I told her about my disappointment that the surgery failed to “cure” me after I had such high hopes that it would.

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We had a long heart-to-heart talk…the kind sisters and life-long friends have. She had a brilliant piece of advice. I’m going to share it with you here in her own words.

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“I talk to my docs and my dentist about the 20 year plan. I mean, even if I am blessed enough to live to be 90, I will have only about 20 years left to worry with something. So, I tell them to talk in those terms. I don’t need a 55-year plan (which is the number I use because most of my medical peeps are in their 30’s. Is this a 20-year problem or a 55-year problem?”

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I had to sit with that for a while and really consider her wise words. I’m nearly 69 years old…not OLD, but certainly getting in the general neighborhood. I don’t have 50+ years to worry about stuff. Ok, this disease can leach calcium from my bones and make them more brittle. That’s certainly important…but it’s not life threatening. The rest of the side effects from hyperparathyroidism are mainly quality of life issues…pain, hair loss, acid reflux. Heck, none of us are going to escape this life without some ramifications of age. Let’s weigh the checks and balances.

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Yes, it would have been wonderful if this surgeon could have found my errant parathyroid glands and cured me. But every time you cut into the neck, you are risking very serious complications…namely paralyzing the vocal cords. Paralyze one side and you are left with a defect in you voice…anything from hoarseness to a whisper. Paralyze BOTH vocal cords and you cannot swallow and you’ll need a permanent tracheostomy. Neither of those things sound like something I’m willing to mess with. 

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My surgeon even considered removing my thyroid completely in an effort to cure me, but there were reasons he decided not to. First, I would have had to take thyroid medication for the rest of my life. Second, the vocal cord nerves were firmly stuck to my thyroid. Too risky to remove. He did a very careful search for those glands, clearing out scar tissue and fatty tissue, and he just couldn’t find them.

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So, I’ve elected the 20-year plan. We’ll check my Vitamin D. Very low Vitamin D can elevate the parathyroid hormones and raise the calcium. We’ll try boosting my Vitamin D level in an attempt to bring the other numbers down. I’ll practice great care to keep from falling and breaking anything. I’ve started taking Celebrex and a muscle relaxant and that has done a good job keeping my pain level manageable. And, so what if my hair falls out more than I’d like? I’m not doing a photo shoot for Vogue anytime soon. 

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I can’t tell you how much this shift in my mindset has changed how I’m feeling about this whole situation. And isn’t that an answer to prayer? I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. Hopefully I have 20 good years to look forward to. I’ll be darned if I’m going to look at them as a loss before I’ve even had a change to live them! It’s time to get off the pity train now and get out there and live this precious life I’ve been given. Who’s with me???

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❤️

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“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?””

\nHebrews 13:5-6 ESV\n
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Surgery takes the starch out of you. I slept well Sunday night and got up at a reasonable hour. I made a cup of tea and a beeline for my recliner and that’s about the extent of my day. I finished knitting the first sleeve of this sweater. I got a followup call from the surgeon’s office to see how I’m doing. I went all day with no pain medicine…the first since surgery on Friday. By the time the early news was over, I felt like I ran a marathon. I took a nice shower and got the last of the adhesive from the bandage and ECG tabs off. It was beginning to irritate my skin. Mr. FixIt brought me a frozen fruit bar and tucked me in to write. 

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My friends and family have been texting and calling to check in on me. Doesn’t that make you feel so wonderful when people care for you? I know how truly blessed I am to have my extended family and friend network…from all over the country. And, you have no idea what you all mean to me here. I started this blog as a way to not only help myself through my grief, but to help others along the way. I recognize so many of your names. I know so many of your stories. I feel like we’re more than just a blogger and her readers. In so many ways we are sisters and friends because we share this journey together. I know I tell you from time to time, but I just want to reiterate how much I truly appreciate you all for being here through all the ups and downs of life. I hope I help you in whatever way I can, even if it’s just holding you in my prayers.

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The sun was out yesterday and the temperature climbed up close to 50°. As I sat and knitted row after row, I reminded myself, the first week of February is already over! The days are already noticeably longer. I’m so glad I had to opportunity to get this surgery out of the way earlier rather than later so now I can just concentrate to regaining my strength as I watch springtime approach. Mr. FixIt was a doll yesterday and washed the windows in the family room. The gas heater in there makes the glass filmy. Now I can see the sunshine sparkling on the snow. I wish we had another large window on the wall behind Mr. FixIt’s recliner so we can see the birds in the feeders, but then it would be terribly hot in there in the summer. I am grateful for all that we have because it’s way more than enough.

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Mr. FixIt and his buddy are delivering firewood to one of the grandkids today and I will have the house to myself for a bit. I will knit and pray as a dear friend has a medical procedure done during the day. We are hoping this will help her feel much better. So, if you don’t mind, send some prayers up for her today. Thank you all so much…you’re the best!

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❄️❤️❄️

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“Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for you are my praise.”

\nJeremiah 17:14 ESV\n
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I find winter passes much more quickly when I keep my hands busy. I finished the socks yesterday afternoon then immediately started on the sweater. That’s three pairs of socks in one month…a personal record to be sure. And, Gail was absolutely correct…the sweater is much easier and knits up so much faster than the socks do.

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We watched football yesterday. I don’t pay a whole lot of attention during the season. But I do love when it gets time for the playoffs. So much more is at stake…at least imminently. Last week, we watched the Cincinnati Bengals pull of an unlikely victory over the Tennessee Titans. The Kansas City Chiefs upset the Buffalo Bills, so that placed the Bengals against the Chiefs yesterday to determine who moves on to the Super Bowl.

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We settled in to watch the game at 3:00. Everyone favored the Chiefs to win. It is tough to beat Patrick Mahomes. When you see him featured in multiple sponsors’ commercials all season, you know they have a lot riding on that talent. As was predicted, the Bengals came out and stumbled around in the first half. We felt somewhat resigned to watching them succumb to the pressure. But, man…I don’t know what that coach said to the team at halftime, but those guys came out fired up for the second half.

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They tied. They pulled ahead! Then, in the very last seconds, the Chiefs scored a field goal to take the game into overtime. We were screaming and hollering and just could not believe the whole season was coming down to who could score first. The Bengals lost the toss going into overtime and that drastically cut their chances of being the first to post points. Then…they fumbled and the Bengals recovered. They drove hard down the field and when they were firmly and safely in field goal range, they kicked it n and scored for the win!!! Lawsy mercy…it is a good thing it’s winter and the windows are closed or the neighbors down the road might have been concerned for us. We had so much fun celebrating the win of a frank underdog.

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It always feels good when an underdog wins, doesn’t it? It’s sort of a David and Goliath story played out in a modern day arena. We want the little guy to be the victor. I couldn’t really get into the second game because I wanted to get back here and write this post. I can always go back out after and knit a little more. I have a phone call with the medical center today. Mr. FixIt’s birthday tomorrow. We’ll head to OSU on Thursday with surgery scheduled Friday. It will be a fast and busy week…one I will be happy to have behind me!

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❄️?❄️

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“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”

\n2 Timothy 1:7 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-01-31T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/01/31/moving-on-to-the-next.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/01/27/moving-forward-after-loss.html", "title": "Moving Forward After Loss", "content_html": "\n
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My son-in-law’s mom sent me an article yesterday. Published in the Times of London, the article…”My husband walked out. This is what heartbreak did to my body” follows Florence Williams, a journalist and author, as she struggles after divorce. Williams was struck with Type I Diabetes in the year after her husband left her. It was her first experience with heartbreak and, being a scientific writer, she looked for a scientific solution. The two years following her divorce became a kind of experiment where she tried all manner of solutions to ease her grief.

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It has been known for quite some time that grief and heartbreak can cause physiological changes in the body and not just emotional ones. Broken Heart Syndrome is an actual physiological response to stressful situations and extreme emotional distress. Williams went to see Steve Cole at UCLA. He specializes in a field called “psychoneuroimmunology” which studies the effect your mental state has on your immunity. Cole tested Florence for stress markers in her blood and found she was in the red zone for risk of developing serious illness. 

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With a laundry list of possible “cures”, Williams set out to try to heal her broken heart scientifically. She did everything from EMDR to meditation to a solo kayak trip in the wilderness only to find her numbers didn’t improve. At around the two year mark, she tried hallucinogenics in a controlled therapeutic setting and through that experience, gained some clarity in where she sits in the grand scheme of things. Her stress numbers began to come down at that point.

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Now, whether the improvement came from the hallucinogenics or the tincture of time, I don’t know. I do know in my own personal experience my first year was bad, my second year was brutal, and my third year became my breakout year of personal growth and finding myself. I have several friends in different places in their widow journey. They are anywhere on the spectrum from starting new relationships to vowing never to go down that path again. 

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The bottom line is, there is no right or wrong way to grieve..there is only your way. There isn’t a magic formula that miraculously relieves heartache. But, who knows? Maybe scientists will find a way to watch your stress numbers, then watch what you’re doing, and when it works tell you to do more of that. For me, it seems more logical to follow some pretty basic advice I was given. 

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    \n
  1. Take your time after heartbreak before you jump into something else…a major move, a new relationship, a different job. That feel good rush may not last long and then you’re left ripping off the bandaid revealing a gaping wound.
    2. \n
  2. Eat right, drink plenty of water, exercise, and get enough rest.
    3. \n
  3. Go outside and immerse yourself in nature as much as possible. Trees and sunshine heal.
    4. \n
  4. Don’t make huge financial decisions in the first year or two.
    5. \n
  5. Avoid alcohol and drugs.
    6. \n
  6. Work for balance…emotional, physical, and spiritual. 
    7. \n
  7. It’s ok to say no without explanation.
    8. \n
  8. Be gentle with yourself when you need to.
    9. \n
  9. Kick yourself in the butt when you need to.
    10. \n
  10. Always remember, you aren’t alone. Be sure you have a support system set up with family, friends, clergy, therapist…whoever can help when the going gets tough. God is always available…24/7/365.
    11. \n
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You can read the entire article HERE.   https://apple.news/AP5fPBbk-QKWTOwa73jk11w

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❄️?❄️

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“The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time. For the Lord protects the bones of the righteous; not one of them is broken!”

\nPsalms 34:17-20 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-01-27T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/01/27/moving-forward-after-loss.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Growth"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/01/14/sending-out-prayers-by-the.html", "title": "Sending Out Prayers by the Bushel", "content_html": "\n
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I woke up yesterday morning in my grandma’s bed. I looked out at the trees…their naked fingers reaching for the murky sky. A flash of copper zipped by the window and I scooched over to see if I could find it again. An Eastern Towhee was flitting in and out of the Carolina Spice Bush and the Flowering Quince on the creek bank…its wings rustling the crispy leaves underneath, looking for something tasty. I smiled. 

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This is what I come here for. I rolled back on my pillow and pulled the covers up under my chin. At the moment, everything was still. No furnace, no pump, no logging trucks. Just Bluejays and Carolina Chickadees and a Hairy Woodpecker up in a dead tree somewhere. *sigh*

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Someone shared here yesterday that relinquishing everything to God is like flexing a muscle. The more you do it, the stronger it gets. When God miraculously lifts the heavy burden of anxiety off you in a situation where you have always had anxiety before…you notice that. And, you want more of that peace. That “peace beyond understanding.” The only thing I did differently during my procedure a couple of weeks ago was A) I handed it over immediately and B) I didn’t ask for it back. That worked so well, I’ve been practicing it over and over and over and it’s really helping!

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I slept like a stone. 

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“Thank you, God.” I whispered. “Thank you for carrying my worry basket last night.” 

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I thought for sure I would lay awake all night worrying about my Colorado peeps. When I woke up refreshed, it further reinforced just how strong that “giving it to God” muscle is getting. It’s a behavior modification. Something works and it’s easier to do again the next time you’re faced with the same challenge.

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I checked in on my brother yesterday and got to talk with him on the phone. He said he woke up with a stuffy head, but by the time I spoke to him, he felt better. I was so relieved. Then I heard from Daughter #2 and they do have Covid. This was their fifth day and I think they are turning the corner. Thank you so much for your prayers and concern. I would very much appreciate it if you could keep lifting them up over the next few days till they’re all feeling better.

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It felt great to get home yesterday. It feels like I’ve had a two week vacation. The weather man is predicting a huge snowstorm at the end of the weekend so when I was finished with my doctor’s appointment in town, I headed for the grocery store. I knew it was packed when I walked in and there were no buggies up front. Someone brought one back into the store (don’t you just love that when people bring the carts in?) and I tried to do a quick sweep around the store to pick up necessities. I wore two masks and stayed away from people as much as possible and slathered my hands with sanitizer when I got back to the truck.

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When I got home, I did that dreaded chore…cleaning out the fridge so there would be room for the new stuff. Mr. FixIt took out the trash and I loaded the empty storage containers into the dishwasher. Then we had some time together, sitting in the family room, watching the news and old Big Bang reruns. I knitted a few rows on this pair of socks. They aren’t going as fast as the other pair. That’s because the yarn is much finer. Gail thinks I’m ready to try a sweater next!

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Oh, and I lost seven pounds since the last time I saw the endocrinologist! Hooray for me!!!

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?

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“But the one who endures to the end will be saved.”

\nMatthew 24:13 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-01-14T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/01/14/sending-out-prayers-by-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","The Farm","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/01/08/my-ipad-is-getting-smarter.html", "title": "My iPad is Getting Smarter", "content_html": "\n
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We’ve come a long way, baby!

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Every evening, I head to the back bedroom between 8:00 and 8:30 to write my posts. This is because…The Big Bang reruns are over for the night, and Mr. FixIt is ready to watch some detective drama. Not my cup of tea. This works for us. I’m always finished writing around 10:30 or 11:00 and I chat with my son-in-law’s mom for forty-five minutes or so to catch up with what’s going on in Colorado. By the time we are wrapping it up for the night, Mr. FixIt heads to bed and we watch some funny video or another for a little while, leaving the day on a note of laughter.

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I noticed last night, when I settled in to write, there was a notification along the top of the lock screen on my iPad that said, “Open Pages - based on your location in your home”. I’m not surprised by this. Electronic devices are designed to make our lives easier. My iPhone tells me where I parked. I get in my truck and, based on the precise location by GPS, my phone turns to “Driving Focus”. Text notifications are interrupted and an automated reply is sent to the person texting, telling them that I am driving and using “Do Not Disturb. Send a repeat text if it’s an emergency.” 

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Still…this is all so “Jetsons” to this Baby Boomer. Remember Dick Tracy’s wrist watch that he communicated through? We’re here now. I remember when I bought our first home computer when Daughter #1 was in…what? Eighth or ninth grade? Hubby #2 thought it was absolutely ridiculous and extravagant…kids were never going to need home computers! When the salesman was showing me how to use it, he commented that someday, women would carry computers a thousand times more powerful that this…in their handbags. Get…out! How could that be?

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The very first flip phone had more computer capabilities than the Lunar Landing Module. Think about that for a second. While we still don’t have personal jet packs, they’re building cars that drive autonomously. I’m a forward thinker. I love innovation and all things geeky. But I don’t know about driving with no hands. It’s one thing on a bicycle. It’s something else on an interstate with a ton of steel and plastic hurtling down the highway on its own.

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There are really good things that come with innovation. When I was a Diabetes Educator, self blood glucose monitoring was a new thing. I was invited to participate on an Advisory Board for LifeScan…later bought out by Johnson & Johnson…to design the next generation meter. It’s been fun to see those innovations we suggested in the mid-‘80s come to fruition along the way. But one idea eluded scientists for a long time. The sensor that you stick to your skin and it reads your blood sugar in real time…anytime, day or night…without sticking your finger. When I saw that on a commercial in the last year or so, I beamed. We thought of that…and, there it is!

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Electronic banking, automatic bill pay, instant messaging, Zoom meetings, FaceTime, online shopping…all things that have made the “Pandemic Era” more tolerable. Innovations arrive at what seems like lightning speed now. Online gambling…not so good. Cryptocurrency? Holy cats…how do they “mine” money out of thin air? How can it be worth something if you can’t touch it? Those of us who lived through the bursting of the internet bubble and the real estate collapse may have a little bit of trouble trusting such things.

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That’s the thing, isn’t it? We have SO much information thrown at us in a constant stream of data, our brains can’t keep up. It affects every part of life…not just technology. Things we actually saw and heard…with our own eyes and ears…just one year ago are now being denied by the people who did the things and said the stuff. It’s almost as if…there isn’t an electronic record…video and audio recordings of them actually SAYING and DOING it. We aren’t stupid people. We are often…misled. It’s kind of like a magician’s trick. The hand is quicker than the eye. And, any time we get too close to figuring out the trick…there’s a diversion. They’re banking on us forgetting. Or being so overwhelmed, we just don’t care anymore.

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It’s easy to be lulled into complacency when new innovations and new information and new technology is presented. I don’t think we can afford to close our eyes and ears and bury our heads in the sand. I come from the generation to whom the directive…Question Authority…was our buzzword. “Critical Thinking 101” should be added to the buzzwords of the 21st Century. I try to use my faith as a measuring stick and look critically at those who deliver information and compare them to the ways of Jesus instead of just accepting what the world is telling me.

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In the meantime, my iPad knows when it’s time to write. Now…when it starts bringing me tea and cookies, I’ll be happy.

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?

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“So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.”

\nRomans 12:1-2 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-01-08T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/01/08/my-ipad-is-getting-smarter.html", "tags": ["Faith","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Insight","Home"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/30/big-lights-in-the-big.html", "title": "Big Lights in the Big City", "content_html": "\n
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Oh, my…I have to say, it was wonderful sleeping in the camper Wednesday night! Rain…from torrential downpour to gentle tapping, I was treated to nature’s lullaby most of the night. I had the heat adjusted perfectly. Just enough to keep the chill off my arms but not so much that I felt heat blowing in my face. I hate that. And the electric blanket was so nice turned on low…keeping my tootsies toasty. 

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I read and prayed…and read and prayed some more. Recognizing that the part of me that gets anxious isn’t ME…it’s just a part of me that’s been conditioned to respond to uncertainty with anxiety. Just knowing I can say, “Back off! You’re not the boss of me!” Let’s just say, I awoke with a peace beyond all understanding. All day, if there was the slightest thought that might send me down the rabbit hole, I handed it over to God and thanked Him for carrying it for me. 

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As I write this, I’m amazed and so pleasantly surprised. Excited, really. Now I want to see how it works on every situation. Do I think I’m never going to experience fear and anxiety again? Of course not. That would be unrealistic. But, I’m not looking for it. And I have a brand new Power Tool in my tool box for beating back that particular monster. I’ll just believe Jesus carries this for me. Therefore, He does. So much simpler than I ever dreamed.

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We had a lovely drive to the big city. I had reserved a hotel room, but when I checked in, I asked if there were suites with a door separating the bedroom from the living room. That way, Mr. FixIt’s television viewing would not intrude on my indulgent self care routine. I hooked up my Bluetooth Headset and listened to my favorite background track…a crackling fire with a thunderstorm. After a hot shower, scented lotion, and new PJ’s…that set the stage for a relaxing slumber. I want to be calm and well rested for the day ahead of me.

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If prayer is your thing, I’d love for you to send up some for me and Mr. FixIt this morning. I should be done by around noon or 1:00. Thank you all for being here and always being so loving and supportive. I do so appreciate every single one of you!

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❄️

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“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

\nPhilippians 4:6-7 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-30T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/30/big-lights-in-the-big.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","Peace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/28/putting-things-into-perspective.html", "title": "Putting Things into Perspective", "content_html": "\n
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When I think of all the things that are going on all over this planet, my problems seem pretty small in comparison. It’s all a matter of perspective.

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I come from a long line of “worrywarts”…my mom was the Queen of Worrisome Thoughts. We would accuse her of going to bed at night just to think up stuff to worry about the next day. Ahhh, she taught me well. Unfortunately. Worrying creates physical and emotional symptoms which are included under the blanket term…anxiety. If you are a worrier…just try to stop. I dare ya. Because…you don’t just stop that. Especially when it is a life long, ground in, baseline behavior. 

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I don’t like being a worrier. I don’t like feeling anxious. So why does my mind keep going back to that place where I think up every bad outcome that can possibly happen? Why do I try to control how things play out because I’m as sure as a gypsy with a crystal ball I know how it’s going to go? Why do I freak out when I’m facing uncertainty? Because. Those are the genes I’ve got and that is the background sound track of my upbringing.

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I find it’s worse when I’m isolated…which translates to winter. There aren’t as many social opportunities in the winter. We tend to hibernate and keep to ourselves more in the winter months. Stir in a global pandemic, and my world has collapsed to a handful of people who mean so much to me…and one of them just died. So yeah…it’s been a mite rough of late. 

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I am bound and determined to get a handle on this because I really don’t want to live out the rest of my days with butterflies in my stomach and sweaty palms every time I’m faced with uncertainty. Life is, by very definition…uncertain. These times are uncertain. The world is uncertain. When Mr. Virgo had his heart attack, his death…and the disturbing images of the rescue efforts in the ER…left me traumatized. PTSD is tricky. It has a hair trigger and certain situations set me into a tailspin.

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When Mr. FixIt had two small strokes within a few weeks of each other, it left both of us feeling like we were living under Damocles Sword. We were just waiting for the string to break and our world would come crashing down around us…all while navigating the pandemic and political upheaval. As time has gone by, we are feeling more and more confident there isn’t an impending catastrophic event about to occur at any moment. I don’t hover over him every second and watch his every move anymore. But still, when I get isolated, I find it more difficult getting back out there in the world.

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When I was going through a particularly dark and difficult time at the end of my second marriage, I was in therapy and it really helped me find my voice. After Mr. Virgo died, I went to grief counseling and had EMDR treatments for PTSD and that really helped. That therapy gave me tools to use to help me find my way through the dark times. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut and we forget to open the toolbox and find what we know is there. Sometimes it gets just too easy to sit and rock and worry.

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Technology has come a long way since those dark days of my new millennium. I was reading an article yesterday about mental health advancements and ways you can help yourself through these trying times. They suggested an app called Mindshift. You download it and it asks you questions and gives suggestions of tools to help you feel better through CBT…Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There is a journal area and a place to set and track goals. There are Care Cards which give you thought points to help you through anxiety symptoms. There is even a section with guided meditations. Of course, it is not meant to treat or diagnose psychiatric conditions. The app has links to find immediate support should you need it.

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My relationship with God is where I turn and hand over all my problems. But God also created doctors and medical professionals and techniques to help you when you struggle. I don’t know anyone who has not been changed by the events of the last two years and I know for a fact that I am not standing alone today in my feelings of loss and confusion with the state of the world. I’m all about finding the light…looking for the goodness…and using the tools I need to feel better, more stable, stronger, and less worry-filled than I have been the last couple of weeks. 

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I’ve decided my new word for the coming year will be “Wellness” and all that it entails…physically, mentally, and emotionally. I’m starting with baby steps…working with the Mindshift app, cutting back on sugar and processed foods, drinking more water, getting out every day for a walk and looking for healthy ways to make myself feel better. I’ve really missed camping. It’s always something that lifts my spirits. So, yesterday afternoon I packed a little overnight bag, kissed my sweetheart, and headed out to the Big Birdhouse in the field. It was well in the 60’s outside and it felt great. I set up the bed with the new twin-sized electric blanket we bought earlier in the day. And I camped out in the camper all night…on December 27th in West Virginia! How about that??? There was rain on the roof and everything!

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Edit: I got a call at 11:30pm saying our powers would be out sometime between 12:30 and 3:30am for an emergency repair. The overnight low was in the mid-40’s so I came inside at midnight, but it was a great break…just what I needed!

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I can feel life flowing back into my spirit with every word I write!

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❄️

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“Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually!”

\n1 Chronicles 16:11 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/28/putting-things-into-perspective.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Hope","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/30/be-the-light-change-the.html", "title": "Be the Light, Change the World", "content_html": "\n
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Photo Credit: @QuoteILoveU via Twitter

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There are countless ways to live in this world. I used to operate without a safety net. I never read the instruction manual. I flew by the seat of my pants and wondered why things never changed for me. Every day, day in and day out, I made what felt like really bad decisions. It turns out…there are no mistakes. Only lessons. And God is a funny guy…He’ll keep bringing you serving after serving of the same stuff till you learn the lesson you’re being presented with.

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Baby Christians…those who are new to the faith…see the world through rose colored glasses because God’s Grace is so new and so big and so obvious…most of the time, anyway. After you’ve been in the game for a while, it’s easy to forget just how big and awesome He is. It’s also easy to forget He doesn’t just give you a menu that you can pick and choose from then serve it all up on a silver platter. It just doesn’t work that way.

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God always hears our prayers. And, He is omnipresent meaning He is here in every part of your life when you want Him to be. He answers prayers. We’ve all seen answered prayers. He answers ALL prayers. It’s just that sometimes the answer is “not yet” or, that bitter pill…. “no”. When you’re living life on easy street and you see blessing after blessing, miracle after miracle…it’s easy to see God. The problem comes when things are tough. That’s when it’s hard to hear Him. Hard to see Him. Hard to FEEL Him. 

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When life is challenging, like it seems to be these days, it’s easy to give up and think there’s no use trying. It’s easy to slip into the story the world is telling you. And, the more you listen to that story, the more darkness surrounds you. You can become numbed by the siren’s song of shopping, gossip, television, violence most frequently found on the internet and in the news and on social media. 

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We are like magnets. We are what we eat. Not just literally, but figuratively. When we “eat” a steady diet of negativity, it clouds our vision. We attract what we hunger for so more and more darkness fill our minds and hearts when what we really want is goodness and light. I don’t know anyone who starts each morning with a cup of coffee and says to the universe, “Please, fill me with ugliness and garbage and hatred today. Bring me all the things that will hurt me and ruin my life.” 

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I have found, the more light I open myself up to, the more light I can shine out into the world. When I stay away from disturbing images, vulgar language, hateful rhetoric…I have more room in my heart for the things listed in Philippians. The things we are directed to ponder. Whatever is True…Noble…Right…Pure…Lovely…Admirable. 

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Be the Change.\nBe the Light.\nBe the Church.\nBe Good.\nBe Kind.\nBe Helpful.\nBe Hopeful.\nBe Generous.\nBe Noble.\nBe Honest.\nBe Trustworthy.\nBe of Good Moral Fiber.\nShow Good Character.
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Be the Light you want to see in the world. As Michelle Obama said, “When they go low, we go high.” When the haters hate…don’t give them airtime. Don’t acknowledge them. A fire cannot burn without fuel.

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Be careful where you strike your match.

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It is the last day of November, dear ones. We are in the holiday season where love and light and laughter are de rigueur. I don’t know about you, but I’d sure like to see it last more than a month. I’ve been laid up since Saturday night nursing a pulled muscle in my lower back. This has given me the opportunity to sit still with my feet up…something that is so NOT my usual routine. I’ve knitted. I’ve read. I’ve watched a little Andy Griffith. I’ve watched the birds and the kitty laying in the sun and looked at pictures on my phone. I’ve called up friends and family and caught up with correspondence. But, mostly I’ve sat in quiet contemplation. I’m determined to be the bearer of as much light and love and joy as I can possibly carry into and through the New Year.

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Let’s do this. Let’s turn things around and bring some healing into the heart of the world. Lord knows…it needs it.

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?

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“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

\nPhilippians 4:8-9 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-30T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/30/be-the-light-change-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grace","Love","God","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/07/a-letter-to-a-friend.html", "title": "A Letter to a Friend", "content_html": "\n
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Dr. Sue and Me in Deadwood, SD

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Just a few weeks after Mr. Virgo died, I took off in my first little camper…all by myself…for the adventure of a lifetime. There aren’t very many moments in time that you can just…leave. And that’s exactly what I did. I had no idea where I was going except a general direction and people I definitely wanted to spend a little time with. I didn’t have reservations ahead of time. I just flew by the seat of my pants and set out to heal my grief…one campfire at a time.

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This was when I started writing this blog. I was so inspired by other women camping by themselves and in groups…pulling their cute little campers all on their own. I made fast friends of these gals and they all still mean the world to me. In the fall of 2013, the Sisters on the Fly were meeting for one of their large regional gatherings in Estes Park, Colorado…right in my backyard, so to speak. I couldn’t wait to join them and meet like minded women…and learn as much as I could from them.

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One woman in particular really stood out to me. Dr. Sue Clifton came all the way from Mississippi hauling her little vintage tin can named “Spam I Am”. Sue brought the most divine Coconut Cake from Sugaree’s Bakery in Albany, Mississippi. Land’s sakes…I honestly thought I’d died and gone to Heaven. It was the BEST cake I think I’ve ever had.

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Sugaree’s Bakery makes the BEST Coconut Cake on the planet!

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Dr. Sue and I sat and talked the first evening at the “come and get to know your new friends” gathering. I asked her about herself. She had her PhD in Education and was a retired English teacher turned Principal. Her sweet hubby Woody was actually working in my home state at the time…putting in some sort of huge pieces of equipment in power plants, I think. They had a second home in Montana where they fly fished at every opportunity. 

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When Dr. Sue asked about me, I told her the story about losing Mr. Virgo so soon after finding him. I told her about the day we were standing in a camper, picking out the one we wanted for retirement, when he had a sudden heart attack and was gone within two or three hours. You could hear the pain in my voice…see it in my eyes. As I told her my story, tears quietly slid down her cheeks and she hugged me close. We had an instant bond and even though we’ve only camped together a couple of times, we stay in touch regularly.

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Eight months ago, Dr. Sue’s beloved cowboy…her Woody…died after a struggle with glioblastoma. Brain Cancer. She was incredibly brave. She took care of her sweetheart with a tender heart and a fierce faith. They had a good couple of years…much longer than the doctors told them they’d have. They communed and fell in love all over again and she walked him home. What greater gift can one give to another but a peaceful transition?

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And now…here she is, still so fresh in her grief. She posted on Facebook yesterday, quoting an article on Complicated, Prolonged Grief. Bless her heart…at just eight months. I reached out and posted a response. I could have sent it privately, but as is my wont…every moment is a teaching moment. So I’ve decided to share my advice here as well. Because I know someone needs to hear this today and it’s been a while since we delved into grief. I won’t share her post, but here is my comment:

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“Sweetheart, I’m going to jump in here and sit with you a minute, ok? I haven’t read any of the other responses…I never do that. Because, if it’s what I was going to say, I feel stupid saying the same dang thing ten other folks already said. And, if it’s the OTHERS saying something that can come across as hurtful or unhelpful, I don’t want to get ticked off, capisce? 

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First, please be gentle with your sweet and battered self. It feels to me you are trying to find a timeline with which to compare your “progress” on this grief journey. Please don’t do that. I did it, we probably all did it, but it isn’t helpful because, in the end, grief is just…grief. One cannot compare one’s grief to another’s. It’s as individual as a fingerprint. And…pay close attention to this one…YOUR grief is the WORST grief in the world because it’s YOURS. This is a really hard and shitty thing to go through. 

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I understand you wanting to protect others from your pain. I tried that, too. I made it to month nine when I cried uncle and went to see a grief counselor. I was suffering PTSD from watching the unsuccessful CPR. My guess is, you are suffering the same thing from being a primary caregiver and watching your most beloved person die. How could you NOT have PTSD? 

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Here is my suggestion…find a therapist who is trained in EMDR…Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is THE treatment for PTSD and it honestly saved me from skidding off the ledge. Eat well, rest, drink plenty of water, avoid drugs and alcohol, and get out for a walk every day. Say no unapologetically if you need to. Do one thing every day that scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable. Desensitization will take you far on this path. Write down the names and numbers of people who say…call me anytime. They are worth their weight in gold. CALL THEM when you are hurting. If they are any kind of true friend, they will do what my friend Deb did and listen to my wails, throwing in the occasional commiseration like, “I know, sweetheart…I know.”  

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You fly fish. Have you ever tried to stand in the middle of a roaring river, facing upstream, and try to hold it back with your hands? It doesn’t work, does it? It’s the same way with grief. Turn around and look downstream. That’s the direction you’re heading anyway. Lean back into the water like you’re sitting in a lounge chair with your feet in front of you and see where the water takes you. I guarantee you there are going to be rapids ahead that are going to threaten to drown you. But, look at you! You have survived through 100% of the really hard days you have gone through so far. 

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I know it is so hard to believe this, but there are calmer waters up ahead. Just keep going. And remember…there is only one way to get through grief….and, that’s to grieve. Don’t put a label on it. Six months? I call BS, Pauline. Whoever wrote that article you read hasn’t tied your shoes…so they don’t get to tell you how to wear them, lovie. My heart is with you. ?”

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Grief is so hard and it gets harder before it eases up. You never “get over it” but you can “get through it”. It takes a lot of tears and strength and courage and…for me…faith in a God far bigger than me that could carry me though it all. I promised God if he would bring me the words, and the people to read them, I would continue to tell people where I find my strength. 

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I could never have done this without Jesus to walk with me and hold my heart in His hands.

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?

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

\nProverbs 3:5-6 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-07T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/07/a-letter-to-a-friend.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/01/its-november.html", "title": "It’s November!", "content_html": "\n
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Between the rainstorms of the last week, I’ve finished mowing here on our little slice of heaven. Here’s hoping it’s the last time till next year. Don’t get me wrong…you KNOW how much I love my riding mower, but I tell ya…by this time of year, I’m ready for a break. My bonus son called today and asked his dad to go to the driving range to hit some golf balls, so I was at home alone for a few hours.

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I decided to attack the stuff we took out of TOW-Wanda when we hauled her up for the trade in. I bought several big tubs at Sam’s the other day to use for storing camping gear, but I’m determined to only save what we will actually use. In that vein, I sat with a trash can in front of me, going through the baskets and storage tubs I hauled around in that big camper for the last eight years.

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There were bits and bobs…things that will come in handy. Connectors, tools, markers that actually still work. There were name tags from several camping events I attended, which brought back some wonderful memories. There were birthday cards, a picture of Daughter #2 in her Halloween costume when she was probably nine or ten, a couple rolls of foil. I whittled down three baskets into one. I put bigger items in the tubs, labeling the lids with their contents to make things easier to find later on. These will all be placed in a storage room downstairs. 

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The light started to change in late afternoon so I set everything aside and went out with my phone to take some photos of the colors. I love when the light is golden and so are the leaves. It just sets the tone and the hills are ablaze with glorious color. It was so beautiful!

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I put Pumpkin kitty in her building early because…you know, a black cat on Halloween. It’s dangerous to leave them outside. Mr. FixIt came home and, not knowing she was in there, opened the garage door to put his golf clubs away. Zip…out she went. He did everything he could do to entice her back inside but she was having none of it. I would have given anything to have a video of him trying to herd a spunky kitty back inside for the night. I went and got her treats and set one down. Here. Here. Here. Till I walked her close enough to the building to pick her up, give her a little scritch behind the ears, and tuck her in for safe keeping…again.

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We are heading to Columbus today to stay the night for an early doctor’s appointment tomorrow. This is just a physical exam before they schedule me for the selective parathyroid venous catheterization that’s been ordered. The sestimibi scan was negative. So was the 4D-CT scan. This is the next step. It’s done like a cardiac cath, but the catheter takes random blood samples from different arteries in the neck and chest area. Each sample is labeled for its particular location and the PTH (parathyroid hormone) level is tested. 

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Ideally, there will be a high level in one artery that indicates the offending parathyroid gland is swimming upstream there. This allows the endocrine surgeon to hone in on the correct area and hopefully remove that bad boy and get this disease over with. Yeah…I’m not real excited about this one, but I can’t ignore this disease. It never goes away on its own and it can knock many years off your life. So I don’t really have a choice. I’ve got the ultimate Healer walking with me every step of the way, guiding the physicians and surgeons to fix me. 

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?

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I hope you had a beautiful weekend!

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???

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“And Jesus answered them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.”

\nLuke 5:31 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/01/its-november.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/10/28/walk-strong-ginny.html", "title": "WALK STRONG, GINNY!", "content_html": "\n
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Way back in 2017, one of my readers started sending me comments to WALK STRONG. I loved that. Whenever things would get rough along the way, she’d send me WALK STRONG. It always reminded me to hold my head up, straighten my crown, and remind myself Whose daughter I am. And, every time the enemy starts to plant ideas in my head that maybe I need to stop this whole blog thing and do something else…you all lift me up, dust off my crown, and gently place it back on my head.

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Thank you for that.

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The last week or two, I was feeling torn by all the negative press coming out about Facebook. And…I have to admit…I was listening to the wrong voice. The one that tears down, not lifts up. The one that condemns, not redeems. It was keeping me awake at night, which in turn was making me extremely grouchy. And you know what that means…when mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. I hate being ugly. It’s just not me. It’s not who God wants me to be.

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Interestingly, after I wrote yesterday’s post and scheduled it to go live at 4:00AM like I do every day, I kissed my sweetheart goodnight…and said my prayers. I asked God to bring me peace and tell me what to do about my writing. I drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep. I didn’t get up in the night. I didn’t lay there awake for hours with my mind in a whirl. I was out like a light…till 1:00 yesterday afternoon! I slept twelve hours straight. That is absolutely unheard of for me. When I awoke, I was refreshed and at ease. Totally at peace.

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I finally got around to opening Facebook and there were all your wonderful, supportive messages…reminding me why I do what I do. Why God gave me this ministry. You all are so generous and loving and I appreciate you more than you could possibly know. Tears came to my eyes when you told me my writing had brought you back to your faith. I smiled when you told me you’d miss me if I wasn’t there to have coffee with you every morning. I was strengthened by your reminder that “He who lives within me is stronger than he who lives in the world.”

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I know…I’ve always known…that writing is the gift God gave me. It is my way of “being in the world”. It wasn’t until my walk in grief that I really FOUND writing as one of the gems God tossed down in the flames of my pain. I picked it up and put it in my pocket and there it sits…as a forever reminder that there is a way through the pain. I found mine…through camping in the wilderness alone. Through howling in the dark at an unforgiving moon and a largely silent God…my pain oozing out every pore of my body. Through lighting a fire every night and wrapping myself in a blanket beside it….willing my heart to heal…one campfire at a time.

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And…writing about it. About the journey. About learning to trust and communicate with God. About growing to be the best me I could be.

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“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” That’s just the first half of John 10:10.

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The second half says…

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“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

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So…I’m staying here to fight with the full armor of God. Facebook would not miss me for a second if I left. But you…you who are reading this…you might. And, new widows are made every day. People become disillusioned every day. People get tired and distracted and angry every day. I can’t change the world…that’s God’s territory. However…I can work on my little corner of it and make a difference in whatever way God uses me.

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WALK STRONG, GINNY!

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?????

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“So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight.”

\n2 Corinthians 5:6-7 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-10-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/10/28/walk-strong-ginny.html", "tags": ["Faith","Writing","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/10/27/between-the-devil-and-the.html", "title": "Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea", "content_html": "\n
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I’m torn. I’ve been reading the disturbing news about the Facebook Papers and how the company put profit over social responsibility. I mean…it’s not like I’m surprised or anything. We had to know they weren’t pulling the plug on the divisiveness train the last couple of years. And, just about every business is going to push for more profits. It’s the nature of capitalism. But…I’m an advocate of truth and peace and togetherness and kindness. I’ve always tried to be an island of peace in a sea of madness. I’m not always successful…but I do try.

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And now…here we are. The curtain has been pulled back and light has been shone on a really dark side of the social media equation. I have poured the last eight and a half years of my life into my writing here. This is exactly the reason I spent three years copying every post I’ve made on Facebook and putting it on my webpage. I knew there would come a day when it may be unconscionable to remain here. 

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It’s not a black and white issue…not by a long shot. Not for me, anyway. I am a social creature. Facebook is my connection to a great number of people…family and friends….that I wouldn’t necessarily be able to stay in touch with otherwise. I love this connection, even though it stirs conflict in my heart. It’s been keeping me awake at night. And often, when I can’t sleep, I read devotionals on the Bible app on my phone and try not to wake Mr. FixIt. 

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I’m currently doing a Bible study by Pastor Rick Warren called “You Make Me Crazy”. On Day 18 of the 23 Day study, Pastor Rick talks about idolatry. I’ve always had a biblical understanding of idols as being craven images of gold worshiped by unbelievers. That’s not necessarily the case, says Pastor Rick. “People-pleasing” is a form of idolatry. So is your “stuff”, your “hobbies”, your “friends.” A relationship, no matter with whom, can be a form of idolatry. And, so can social media and your phone and tablet and computer. Anything that keeps you from putting God first is being made a “god” with a little g.

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I’ve always had a suspicion my presence here on Facebook would evolve. I’ve toyed with the idea of having a daily “letter from home” sent to your email with a link to my post of the day over on my website, bypassing FB altogether. I’ve pictured a weekly or monthly newsletter, but honestly…changing horses in the middle of a very big stream is not necessarily easy. There have been times when I’ve thought I’ve told every story, shared every thought, taught every lesson I was sent here to share. That maybe it was time to archive the page and call it quits and just live my life.

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I’’m deeply conflicted.

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I’m between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Do I continue to keep a presence on a social media platform that so egregiously intended to misinform? Or, am I making entirely too much of this? I do know one thing…I have to write. Whether anyone ever reads it one more day or not. I need to write like I need to breathe. Whether what I write is important or not. Whether it’s inspired by God or just a tale of the ordinary life of a woman living in the country with a great love after loss. Right now, I’m not sure of the answer. I just know…it keeps me up some nights. 

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Maybe that’s a good thing. After all…it gives me time to read some scripture and gain some insight in this crazy beautiful thing we call life.

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???

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“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

\nRomans 8:28 ESV\n
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How do you keep hope alive when the world seems to be crumbling around you? I know people…people I love…who are really suffering right now. Suffering with health issues…mental and physical. Suffering with financial problems, family problems, relationship problems. Breakups. Loss. Grief.

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I think we are all suffering with a collective grief right now and it’s not easy to find the silver lining in that sometimes.

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When I went to God last night and prayed over my keyboard, I asked Him what He wanted me to talk to you about today. He pressed on my heart…talk about hope. Not just hope with a little “h” but big ol’ capitalized HOPE…the kind we get when we look up and not down. The kind we get when we surrender our egos and ask for help. The kind of hope that comes with big LOVE. The kind of hope the enemy tries to steal from us.

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Help and hope are just a request away and can be yours every moment of every day for the rest of your life. Yes…even when the world is a dumpster fire and your life really sucks.

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Something funny happens here in West Virginia…as I imagine it does in most humid climates. You can be driving along on a warm, muggy day and suddenly hit a cold spot and your windows fog up almost instantly. You reach for the windshield wipers only to find…the fog is on the inside. Your mind runs through several scenarios…trying to figure out what is wrong. Why can’t I see? How did this happen so fast? How do I fix this?

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If it’s foggy on the inside, you have to take action on the inside or you’re in grave danger. You have to turn on the AC…turn up the temperature…and hit defrost. Blowing warm, air conditioned air onto the foggy windshield clears your view just as fast as it was taken.

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Remembering to turn to God is like reaching for the knob on your dash. You have to take action. You have to DO something. You have to look for hope, ask for hope, pray for hope. 

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It’s easy to lose hope in times like these. We wonder if this virus will ever go away. We wonder if the ugliness between people will ever get better. There IS good out there. There ARE many reasons to have hope for a brighter future. But, it’s not going to happen driving blindly down a freeway with a foggy windshield. 

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We have to reach out and do something.

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Take action.

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?

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“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

\nRomans 15:13 ESV\n
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We’re heading into the downhill stretch of our trip to Colorado and I’m starting to have those “last visits for a while.” That brings out all the feels. We have had incredibly beautiful weather, although they sorely need rain in these parts. While I went out to lunch and a walk with Daughter #2 yesterday, Mr. FixIt took his regular walk around the reservoir nearby. Colorado has the most beautiful scenery. Wispy clouds and bluebird skies….just amazing!

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We sat around the table and played cards last night with Ben & Sue and laughed till our sides hurt. Today we’re going to go for a little drive to see some local sites. And tonight we’re going over to teach Daughter #2 how to set her sprinkler system. I know how fast this week is going to go and I want it to slow down. I’ll miss my Colorado peeps so much.

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I had a wonderful video chat yesterday with a woman I’ve never met but she’s as much family to me as anyone. I’ve told you stories about my Uncle Sonny who was killed in the plane crash in Germany when he flew for the Air Force. Well, Arlene was his girlfriend and they were planning on being married. She went to the farm to meet Grandma and PopPop and the family. She was the auntie I never got to have.

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When my mom was getting into genealogy research, I remembered people talking about Arlene and how wonderful she was. My Grandma loved her like a daughter, although they only met the one time. They kept up by writing letters over the years. I knew she lived in California, and…through the magic of the internet…I found her and reconnected her with my mom. Grandma and PopPop were already gone, but she came to West Virginia with her sister and spent time at the farm and visited Sonny’s grave for the first time.

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Arlene went on and married and had a family in California. They owned a pecan farm. She tells of the time she finally was able to stand at Sonny’s grave and surprised herself with the tears that fell when suddenly, a jet plane flew overhead. She felt a sense of closure and was so happy she came for the visit. I was thrilled we could all reconnect.

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I’ve thought of Arlene several times over the last couple of weeks. The last I’d heard, she was selling the pecan farm and moving to live near family in Oregon, so I wasn’t at all sure how to reach her. When I woke up yesterday, there was a message in my inbox…from Arlene! She’d seen my pictures of my brother’s birthday party and reached out. So, yesterday afternoon, I sent a video chat request and we had a lovely conversation. She hadn’t heard the farm was sold and I wanted to be sure she knew. 

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Isn’t it amazing when God presses on your heart a memory of someone, then within a short period of time you connect? I love those moments. I shared stories with her and she told me how she just never felt right in her heart in Oregon. She was trying to do things her way, when she finally realized, if she just turned it over to God, He’d straighten everything out. She did turn it over, and in three days, the movers came and hauled her back to her beloved home in Southern California. 

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If there’s anything I’ve learned from becoming a widow, it’s this…when God tells you to get in touch with someone, do it. There’s a reason their image is coming to you. Life is entirely too unpredictable to wait after such clear directives come to your heart. I’m so happy we reconnected and I’ll send her a copy of the memory book I’m making about the farm’s history and pray she’s with us for a while longer.

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?

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“For I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen me face to face, that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I say this in order that no one may delude you with plausible arguments. For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ.”

\nColossians 2:1-5 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-09-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/09/14/connecting-with-the-past.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/08/20/guardian-angels-and-rainstorms.html", "title": "Guardian Angels and Rainstorms", "content_html": "\n
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We’ve had an incredible amount of rain in the last week after going through a prolonged dry spell. It’s been a blessed relief but that doesn’t make driving in it very pleasant. When I towed Birdie down to Huntington on Tuesday, I drove through a steady rain till I was nearly at my destination. I took my time, did not use cruise control, and never went over 55mph…60 at the most. 

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We lost a fellow classmate a few weeks ago to a tragic car accident. I went all through school with Cheryl, though I didn’t know her terribly well. We ran in different circles. Still, when I learned the circumstances of her accident, it haunted me for a while. There were so many similarities. Cheryl was a fairly new widow, getting back out into the world, and was traveling alone when a semi lost control. She must have been passing him or was driving in a lane adjacent to him, because the weight and power of the tractor trailer pushed Cheryl through a guard rail, across the median, and into oncoming traffic. She didn’t stand a chance and we were all devastated by her sudden loss. (Correction, Cheryl was driving in the oncoming traffic and was hit head on by the semi. Still, a car was pushed through the guardrail by a semi with the same tragic results.)

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As I drove north through the storm coming home yesterday, I was driving cautiously. The rain wasn’t too bad in the beginning. I started to pass a semi and felt this chill. I thought of Cheryl and her accident. I moved back in behind the big truck. Where he and the rest of the traffic kept up their pace, I slowed way down. It wasn’t too much further and the skies opened up. The kind of downpour where the windshield wipers cannot keep up. More and more cars pulled over on the shoulder and turned on their emergency flashers. I turned mine on, too…but I kept driving. I’m too afraid to stop on the side of the road when visibility is poor. I’d rather drive in the center lane with my flashers on and stay far enough back that I can stop, but not so far back that I can’t see.

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Suddenly, brake lights started lighting up ahead of me and I slowed down to a crawl. There, in the sound bound lanes, was a semi…jackknifed. At first, I thought he must have been heading south, but I later learned on the news…he was traveling north, went through the guardrail, and was turned completely around. Just like what happened to Cheryl. Two people were sent to the hospital and as far as I know there were no fatalities. But, I know as well as I know my own name…my guardian angel told me to slow down and not to pass the semi in the rain. She was working overtime yesterday.

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Every time I get behind the wheel, I wrap my hand around a wooden cross that I have hanging from my rear view mirror. I have no idea where that cross came from. It just showed up one day out at the farm. It was on my grandma’s dresser one morning so I picked it up and hung it in my truck. I wrap my hand around that cross at the beginning of every trip and ask God to keep us all safe as we travel that day. When I saw that wrecked semi, I wrapped my hand around the cross again and thanked God for protecting me.

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I soon outran the storm and by the time I got home, it was back to a gentle drizzle. I called the RV dealership and they said Birdie will be ready by late this afternoon. I’ve decided to go back down to get her today, tow her to a local campground, and stay overnight near the dealership in case anything shows up that I need to get fixed while I’m down there. If all goes well, I’ll tow her back home tomorrow and we can start packing up for the big trip.

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I went to Menard’s when I was in Barboursville yesterday and picked up some storage containers that I think might work well. I’ll try them out at the campground tonight. That way, if they don’t fit right, I can return them while I’m still in the area. With all this running around, it’s hard to believe I’ve actually had more restful sleep in the last three days than I’ve had in quite a while. I guess, going full speed ahead wore me out enough to make me sleep soundly.

\n\n\n

?

\n\n\n
\n

“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.”

\nPsalm 91:11-12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-08-20T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/08/20/guardian-angels-and-rainstorms.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Prayer","God","Road Trip","Birdie"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/08/02/church-among-the-birds.html", "title": "Church Among the Birds", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

We haven’t been back to church since late February 2020. Mostly due to covid and our church’s “lack of enthusiasm” toward mask wearing. But also due to sermons smacking of Christian Nationalism and a lack of financial transparency and accountability. We felt kind of burned out and disillusioned so we took a break. It didn’t keep me from studying the Bible and reading my daily devotionals and praying. But I’ll tell you what it did do. It slowly became apparent I wasn’t keeping my life centered on God. I was spending entirely too much energy on being critical and judgmental of everyone and everything. This isn’t good.

\n\n\n

When we were sitting around the campfire with Gail and her husband on Saturday night, she invited us over to her campsite to listen to Sunday morning Church with them. We brought our breakfast and hot beverages with us at 9:25 and settled in our big comfy chairs to listen to the first in a new series about…relationships. You see what God did there? He sent His Holy Spirit to make me aware we weren’t keeping a solid foundation under us and to nudge Gail into inviting us to “campground church”. And, He inspired the Pastor to speak into our hearts and feed us with God’s Word regarding the one thing we were stumbling over…relationships. With each other, with God, with the Church.

\n\n\n

The sermon was wonderful and fed us. It spurred us to have deeper conversations. It made me see how easy it is to lose sight of the direction we should be going. I love how God does that. He brings us just what we need, when we need it. He is the ultimate provider. It felt so good to sit in the cool morning sunshine, sipping coffee with dear friends, and feel God moving in our lives. 

\n\n\n

We packed up, hooked up the new camper, and headed home around 11:00. We arrived around 4:00. This camper is so easy to pull, you often forget it’s even back there. We didn’t have a bit of trouble. We stopped at Leith Run to check out the campground there and see which campsites we liked the best for future reference. They have several sites right on the river. We’ve stayed there before and we are anxious to go back. 

\n\n\n

After a quick nap, and a little wait for a passing rain shower to end, we got the camper unhooked and set up again at home. There she sits…waiting for the next adventure. As I was towing her home, her name came to me.

\n\n\n

“The Birdhouse”…Birdie for short.

\n\n\n

For one, she is shaped just like a birdhouse. And for another, she houses a pair of lovebirds beneath her peaked roof. I’ll decorate her with my favorite birds! I know guys aren’t as into that kind of thing as us gals, but Mr. FixIt is such a good sport.

\n\n\n

?

\n\n\n
\n

“Beside them the birds of the heavens dwell; they sing among the branches.”

\nPsalm 104:12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-08-02T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/08/02/church-among-the-birds.html", "tags": ["Faith","Camping","Gratitude","Grace","God","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/07/23/whatever-happened-to-manners.html", "title": "Whatever Happened to Manners?", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

The other night, Mr. FixIt and I went to our local pizza establishment to get our twice-weekly ice cream to take to the park. As with most food service establishments, they have had issues about getting and keeping help. There have been signs saying they were training a whole new crew and to please be patient. Hey, I’m retired. I’m rarely EVER in a hurry to do anything, let alone pick up some ice cream.

\n\n\n

A young lady came to the counter and asked if she could help me.

\n\n\n

“Yes, please…I’d like two small ice creams…one vanilla and one twist. But, I’d like them in a styrofoam cup, not the the little plastic ones. By the time we get them over to the park, they drip all over me when I open them.”

\n\n\n

“Ok. That will be $4.88.”

\n\n\n

I hand her a $20 then said, “Hang on a second, I have the change.”

\n\n\n

She held the bill in her hand and looked at me puzzled.

\n\n\n

“Oh, that’s ok…you don’t need to give me change. You gave me a $20.”

\n\n\n

I smiled behind my mask. “Yes, I did. But, If i give you $.88, you can give me $16 in change. That way, you have extra coins in your register, and I don’t have to carry so much weight around.”

\n\n\n

I could see the gears turning as she thought about what I said. She did a quick finger count.

\n\n\n

“Right!”

\n\n\n

When she handed me the $16, she leaned forward and said, conspiratorially, “thanks for explaining so patiently. Most people would have treated me like an idiot.”

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“Well, honey…I’m not like most people. I still believe in manners.”

\n\n\n

I smiled and stepped aside.

\n\n\n

The woman behind me walked up to the register and said in a loud, demanding voice, “Your phone is off the hook! I’ve been holding for 20 minutes and no one got back to me!” Which already doesn’t make sense…how can the phone be “off the hook” when you are on hold?

\n\n\n

Anyway the young lady behind the register had a slightly stricken look and apologized profusely. “I’m so sorry. Here, what can I get you?”

\n\n\n

The woman didn’t let up and continued to rant, even while the young lady was trying to take her order. I caught the employees eye, tapped my heart with my fist and winked at her.

\n\n\n

She continued to treat the woman with kindness and respect. Then, the next woman in line stepped up. About this time, my ice cream was ready. I took it from the young man serving it, and walked straight to the register. I leaned forward and said, “Please excuse me for interrupting, but I just wanted to tell you what a fine job you did there.”

\n\n\n

The woman she was currently waiting on turned to me and said, “Thank you for telling her that! She was really given a hard time there and she needs to hear the good things about her.”

\n\n\n

“Yes, she does! My late husband worked in the food service industry all his career and he always told me, whenever you see someone doing a good job, tell them. Right then and there. It can make all the difference in the world because this can be a thankless job.”

\n\n\n

I waved to them both and walked out with my frozen treats. 

\n\n\n

I understand we don’t know what that woman was going through. We don’t know what her circumstances are. But, for some reason, kindness and good manners have just gone right out the window…especially since the beginning of Covid. I know we are frustrated. I know the world has been polarized and pitted person against person…usually down political lines. But there is absolutely no excuse in exhibiting poor behavior toward people in the service industry. Well, toward ANYONE, really. It isn’t biblical to treat others poorly.

\n\n\n

Emily Post is whirling in her grave. And, Jesus can’t be any too happy either!

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?

\n\n\n
\n

“And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.”

\nLuke 6:31 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-07-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/07/23/whatever-happened-to-manners.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grace","Humbled","Kindness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/07/22/another-mystery-explored.html", "title": "Another Mystery Explored", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

In my self-imposed “retreat” out in TOW-Wanda, I’ve been reading a lot of devotionals. About fear and anxiety. About family and strength. About marriage. Whenever I feel I’m heading off center, I like to step back and do a little inventory and a lot of soul searching to find those areas where God wants to improve me. I’ve learned, if you ask to be shown…you WILL be shown. And, it isn’t sugar-coated, believe me.

\n\n\n

One of the devotionals I read in the last week (I’m sorry, I can’t remember which one it was…I forgot to make a note) talked a lot about speaking to the Holy Spirit and asking for His help. I have to tell you, the Holy Spirit has been a total mystery to me. I mean, I have some understanding that it is the Spirit of God that is gifted to you when you become a Christian. It is the Holy Spirit which gives you that “gut feeling” called intuition when you are in a pickle. This way or that way? It had never occurred to me I could actually pray to and speak to the Holy Spirit. 

\n\n\n

I read about this Wednesday morning just before I went to town to get my blood drawn. I used to have veins like the Alaska Pipeline, but as I get older, they have gotten thready and small. They roll and blow up. And, unless you are extremely good at drawing blood, I am fast becoming a human pincushion. Since I actually spent several years of my life drawing blood, I’m the worst about it. I’m bossy. I tell them exactly where and how they can find a vein. I can tell when the phlebotomist cops an attitude like, “Yeah, yeah…I’ll prove to you I can get it where I want.” Nope. Here, or here. You aren’t an explorer and I’m not the buried treasure you think you’re going to find.

\n\n\n

And…it always hurts like a bugger when they stick you in the wrist or the back of the hand. 

\n\n\n

I know you are not supposed to test the Lord. But, I’d just read that I could actually pray to the Holy Spirit…the guy who gives you strength when things are really rough. So, just before the gal stuck me with that teeny tiny needle, I said a quick prayer.

\n\n\n

“Spirit of God…please make this as pain free as possible…and humble me before this technologist.”

\n\n\n

Pain free.

\n\n\n

I mean…nothing. Not even a little pinch. 

\n\n\n

I breathed a thank you. I felt a peaceful calmness. And I proclaimed it National Linda Day! 

\n\n\n

Life is really a lot of experimentation where we try to do things our way. Life is a lot better when you surrender that ego and move over. Even in such a little thing as drawing blood, God sends His Spirit to minister to you.

\n\n\n

You just need to remember to ask.

\n\n\n

I’m looking forward to developing an even deeper relationship with God through this new avenue of prayer. 

\n\n\n

?

\n\n\n
\n

“When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you. All that the Father has is mine; therefore I said that he will take what is mine and declare it to you.”

\nJohn 16:13-15 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-07-22T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/07/22/another-mystery-explored.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/06/17/a-great-day-for-working.html", "title": "A Great Day for Working Outdoors!", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

Our son-in-law showing off a turn-of-the-century bathtub!

\n\n\n

Yesterday was clear and bright and sunny. While it was hot in the direct sun, there was a lovely breeze and the temperature stayed comfortably in the mid 70’s. Our WV son-in-law came and helped Mr. FixIt with some long overdue work around the house. Land’s sake…they pushed and pushed and I couldn’t believe how nice it all looked when it was done.

\n\n\n

They moved two of the campers and mowed under them. They ran the weed eater all around the yard. Our son-in-law climbed the old TV antenna and tore out the vines and cut off the very top part. They need more muscle to take the whole thing down. They went down to the creek and dug out the last few feet of the ditch that filled in with mud and debris from the flash flood earlier this week. They took the disk grinder and cut the old rusty swing set apart and got it out of there. Then they shoveled up and hauled about ten bags of sand and moved it to fill low spots in the yard. 

\n\n\n

My bonus daughter got in the pool and swept it really well. I cut up, blanched, and dehydrated a big bag of Vidalia onions, made an apple pie, grilled hot dogs for lunch and cleaned the kitchen. The house and yard are looking so nice. I still have to finish the guest bedroom. I’ve ordered fresh linens for the beds for the girls so they’ll be really comfortable while they’re here.

\n\n\n

I love when we have the opportunity to sit around the table and talk about things. Yesterday’s topic was timely…anxiety and faith. We all have a certain level of anxiety or worry or fear. Or, more accurately…we are humans, so we are certainly prone to that. That’s why God tells us over and over and over to not be afraid…to trust in him to be there with us through our trials…to hand over the hard stuff and let him carry it. I love when you can quote scripture to back up your point. That conversation was validation as to how God works in our lives when we ask Him in.

\n\n\n

The other day, I was feeling worried and anxious about something that hadn’t even happened yet, and likely wouldn’t happen in the way I feared. I took the advice of the author of a devotional I was reading at the time. “Stop. Just stop right now and walk away to a quiet place and talk to God.” That’s what I did. I went out to TOW-Wanda, turned on the AC, stretched out on the bed and tucked my favorite fuzzy blanket up under my chin. 

\n\n\n

Now…what was it she said to do? Ah, yes…praise God for everything He does for me. I started with that favorite blanket.

\n\n\n

“Thank you, God…for this comforting blanket.”

\n\n\n

“Thank you, God…for this soft pillow to rest my head.”

\n\n\n

“Thank you, God…for this safe space I can retreat to when I need to be alone with You.”

\n\n\n

“Thank you, God…for the soft breeze blowing and rocking the camper so gently.”

\n\n\n

“Thank you, God…for this wonderful husband you’ve brought me to partner my life with.”

\n\n\n

On and on…and after every “Thank you, God…” my anxiety and worry retreated farther and farther from me. And yesterday…I got to start that testimony with the kids and reinforce their faith…as well as my own. God doesn’t want us to live in a state of perpetual fear and stress. And these are certainly stressful times. God did not give us a spirit of fear, so if you are experiencing fear, worry, and anxiety…it is not coming from God. I cannot tell you how many times I have spoken aloud and told the enemy to get away from me…he has no dominion here. God knows our every thought. The enemy would like you to think he does, too…but he doesn’t. He cannot read your mind. So you have to speak aloud to him to make him go away. It’s really as easy as that.

\n\n\n

So, it was a good day…all the way around. More things accomplished. More jobs completed. More stories told. There is nothing more beautiful than family and faith. 

\n\n\n

And…apple pie!

\n\n\n

?

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\n

“For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

\n2 Timothy 1:6-7 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-06-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/06/17/a-great-day-for-working.html", "tags": ["Faith","Love","God","Fear","Courage","Choices","Healing","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/06/08/on-a-saturday-night-in.html", "title": "On a Saturday Night in West Virginia", "content_html": "\n
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Roller Rink in Belpre, OH - photo by Harry Barnett

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I was born in the Fifties and grew up in the Sixties. It was a fine time to be a kid. We didn’t have a lot of money and we didn’t really go out and do a lot of “stuff”...especially if it cost money. Most of our Saturday nights were either spent at home or at the farm with Grandma and PopPop. During the summer, Saturday wasn’t any different than any other day of the week, except for one thing. Saturday night was “Skate Night” for the cool kids.

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I wasn’t...WAS NOT...one of the cool kids. My cousins were cool. I knew people who were cool. But somehow...I missed out on the cool gene. However, when the Stanley’s moved in down the street in the summer of ‘66, I found my partner in crime. Sharon was my age, in my grade. My very fist same-age friend. Everyone else in the neighborhood were either much older, or much younger. We soon became inseparable.

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We did everything together. We rode bikes for hours. We took tennis lessons at the town park. We were awful, but we had fun at it. We explored the woods up on the hill above our houses. Even though I couldn’t swim and was terrified of water, we went to the pool and “laid out” in the sun. From first light, off we’d go whenever we could. As long as we were home by the time the street lights came on, we were good.

\n\n\n

One of our favorite things to do was go to Cavalier Roller Rink. I was in awe of the older kids who could skate backwards and do spins and never fall down. We were used to those awful metal street skates you crunched down on your shoes with a key. Mine came from the Plaid Stamp store. I can still see them. They were shiny and had a foam pad on the ankle strap that was red plaid. We were really uptown in those, I’m telling ya.

\n\n\n

Skating in rink skates was an entirely differently proposition. The floor was smooth as glass and the wheels met the floor with precision. Smooth....and slick as ice. We fell far more than we skated till we finally got the hang of it. I never did get to be a really great skater. I couldn’t spin or skate backwards, but I could skate arm in arm and in long conga lines. We played “Crack the Whip” which was deliciously terrifying when you were on the end of the line.

\n\n\n

By the time we were teenagers, there was the typical posturing...trying to attract the eye of someone who interested you. Getting to skate with someone during the “Couples Only” skate was our loftiest goal. We most often sat that one out, munching on popcorn and soft drinks till we could get back out there and zoom around and around. I think back to those Saturday nights with great fondness. For several reasons.

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One...I have a birthday coming up soon. Sixty-eight. How that happened...I’ll never know. But it’s been fifty years since we graduated from high school...fifty years ago today, to be exact. It’s been fifty years since I went to a roller rink, too. That’s ok...I don’t miss it. I just miss those days of not being reminded I have knees every time I stand up. I miss long summer days playing in the sun without a care in the world. I miss that feeling of hurrying down the street when you knew the streetlight would be on any minute. The sound of TV’s in people’s houses. The quiet conversations on front porches. The shouts of, “See ya’ tomorrow!” 

\n\n\n

There is a whole lotta space in the “dash” between then and now. A lot was done. Many accomplishments. Too many mistakes. A rich tapestry woven with the experiences we’ve all had over these last fifty years. We’ve postponed our 50th High School Reunion till next year due to the uncertainty of Covid over the last year. It takes a lot of money and planning to put on that show, and it would have been terrible to have to cancel. This way we have another year to take off some of this Covid weight! lol

\n\n\n

I guess where I’m going with this is...my sweet friend Sharon isn’t doing very well right now. She has some pretty major health issues, then ended up with long haul Covid on top of it so she’s struggling to get better. She has a fighting spirit. After all, at church camp, we were notorious, as our theme song stated...

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“We are the Night Owls, Mighty Mighty Night Owls, every where we go-oh, people want to know-oh, who we are, so we tell them....”

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Please join me in lifting up my life-long, good time loving, slumber party giving, all night skating, best iced tea making, bike riding bunk mate in earnest prayer that the gifted doctors at Mayo Clinic will fix her up so she can get back to this wonderful life and we can finally go camping together!

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I love you, Shubs. Please get well soon!

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???

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\n

“A friend loves at all times......”

\nProverbs 17:17 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-06-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/06/08/on-a-saturday-night-in.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Courage","Aging","Change","Memories","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/24/a-day-of-peace.html", "title": "A Day of Peace", "content_html": "\n
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After an entire week of angst and anxiety, I sat with my bible study on “Overcoming Anxiety” and let it go...again. How many times do we have to let it go?? As many times as it takes. I’m pretty well convinced it’s not the last time, but the peace I felt yesterday was complete and it gave me such an incredible sense of relief.

\n\n\n

We got up early yesterday. We still aren’t attending church outside the home. We will go again...when we’re ready. My church yesterday was found at the farm. The grass isn’t growing terribly fast right now because we haven’t had any rain. But it was still time to mow out there, and I really don’t want the new people to take possession and have to get the baler out. So, we loaded the mowers up on the utility trailer and headed for the country.

\n\n\n

I knew there was food out there, so we elected to have breakfast once we arrived. We had eggs and fried cornmeal mush with syrup and sat on the front porch to marvel at God’s precious handiwork. Once we finished and the dishes were washed, I hopped on the riding mower while Mr. FixIt took the push mower around the edges and the ditch out front. My step-son called to say they were coming for a visit, so as soon as the mowing was done, we loaded back up and headed home.

\n\n\n

They had some work to do first, so I took the riding mower right off the trailer and mowed the Ponderosa. I just was finished when the kids showed up with pizza. We sat out on the deck by the pool and ate. They hadn’t seen the new carpeting yet so we went inside and talked while the guys re-hung the door Mr. FixIt painted. We had a lovely day with family and friends through texts and visits and phone calls.

\n\n\n

I felt so good. I know to give things to God. I KNOW. But my mind gets carried away and before I know it, I’m down a rabbit hole and we’re off to the races. The good thing is, yesterday was so blessedly peaceful that it was a tangible reminder of the peace that comes with letting go and letting God do the heavy lifting. We weren’t meant to do the heavy lifting. That’s HIS job....if only we hand over the load. I’m grateful for the sense of calm I experienced...all day long.

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?

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\n

“Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel.”

\nPhilippians 4:6-7 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/24/a-day-of-peace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","God","Peace","Courage","Be Joyful!","Control","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/20/prayers-for-my-bubby.html", "title": "Prayers for my Bubby", "content_html": "\n
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When it rains, it pours. You all have heard me talk about my Bubby. He has a developmental disability and cerebral palsy and I’ve always been his biggest fan. He lived at home with our mom all his life and when she passed rather suddenly in January of 2004, he wanted to come live near me. He was accepted into a wonderful program for assisting adults like him and has lived in one of their homes in as independent a setting as he can attain. He has a roommate and they do their own shopping and cook their own meals, take their own medicines, and work at their own jobs. 

\n\n\n

The year of Covid took a lot out of my brother. His stamina deteriorated but his mind stayed the same. When he had the opportunity to go on a group trip with a company who takes developmentally delayed adults on vacation, he jumped at the chance to go. He’s done a couple of other trips with them...one to Hawaii and the other on a cruise to Catalina Island and down into Mexico. Unfortunately, people like Gary often don’t live as long as the rest of us. They get frail sooner, and their health fails, yet their minds and hearts think they’re much younger.

\n\n\n

Bubby was supposed to leave for Las Vegas yesterday morning, but he got sick during the night, and ended up in the hospital. They are taking good care of him, and Daughter #1 went to see him after work. She set up a video chat with him and I got to see him for myself. He looked so tired and weak and frail. It just broke my heart.

\n\n\n

I have to give big kudos to his case worker who stayed by his side in Denver all day yesterday, even though he was asleep most of the time. She texted and called me frequently to keep me in the loop and went above and beyond. Thank you SO much, Melissa...you are awesome! She even called last night when she got home from Denver just to check in and see how he is doing. The staff nurse from his facility will go down today and bring him home if they discharge him. And, Daughter #1 is prepared to go back for a visit if he has to stay.

\n\n\n

I knew making the choice to live here, there would be times when I wouldn’t be able to sit with a sick loved one at a moment’s notice. I knew I would miss out on milestones with my children and grandchildren. But, I also knew...for my own mental health...I needed to take this opportunity to live in my beloved home state. If I hadn’t have, I may have regretted if for the rest of my life. My mind is healthier here. My heart is happier. And if it weren’t for the pandemic, i would have been in Colorado a few weeks last year. I’ll just have to make up for it this year.

\n\n\n

Please pray for my sweet brother, that his kidneys work perfectly, that he can increase his fluid intake, and regain his strength so he can come home from the hospital. He is my hero...my heart. 

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What a week...and it was only Wednesday.

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???

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\n

“Please help us by praying for us. Then many people will give thanks for the blessings we receive in answer to all these prayers.”

\n2 Corinthians 1:11 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-20T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/20/prayers-for-my-bubby.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Prayer"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/17/it-was-the-best-of.html", "title": "It Was the Best of Times...It Was the Worst of Times", "content_html": "\n
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Charles Dickens was speaking of the events leading up to the French Revolution, of course. And my little slice of reality is nothing in comparison. However, whenever we are going through hard things, our things are the hardest things because they’re OUR things. Grief has many sources, and it’s no small thing to walk away from your family home.

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I’ve been at the farm since Saturday afternoon. I thought I’d get a lot done yesterday, but I did not. And that’s ok. I sat on the front porch most of the day, staring at my grandma’s huge rhododendron. It isn’t lost on me that THE most beautiful peak of bloom is occurring during my last official day here. Tomorrow evening is the close of the auction. I’ve asked everyone I know to buy the farm so I can still come here. Who knows the fate of this land besides God? I just have this wonderful feeling it’s going into the hands of someone who will love it the same as I do. I’m going to stand on that conviction.

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I was a sponge yesterday...soaking up every ounce of love from this place. I awoke to the beloved sound of a gentle rain on the tin roof...even though we had no such rain predicted. I drove over to the service station-diner-convenience store-tire center early to get some butter. I forgot to bring some over and I want pancakes on my last morning here. The time passed all too quickly and just as the light began to change, I snapped this shot of the perfect blossoms on the perfect bush in the most perfect place I know. I sat on the porch and watched the chipmunks chasing each other around the yard. A flicker kept sweeping in to the old, rotten stump of the poplar tree my PopPop planted years ago...snatching an insect here and there, then flying on. A big, fat rabbit slowly made its way along the base of the spirea along the ditch by the road....nibbling on the new grass and avoiding the bee balm and flags.

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The neighbor across the road was planting his garden. It’s always so lovely because he keeps the deer out with an electric fence. Otherwise, it’s nothing but a salad bar for critters. His wife came out with Molly, their one year old lab pup who is full of boundless energy. Bees from the hives down the road buzzed from flower to flower. I happily munched on my sandwich, sharing some chips with the chipmunks. Four-wheelers came one by one down the road...heading back home after a fun day of “muddin’” on the area’s many dirt roads that lead to old oil and gas wells and timber cuts. 

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As night fell, I talked with Mr. FixIt. I told him I saw him on the security camera planting OUR garden. I laughed and told him he can’t get away with anything now that we’ve put those in! lol We hung up and I came in, locking the doors behind me...just as Grandma did over the decades she lived in this little red house in the holler. This is my last day. The last night I’ll spend in my grandma’s house. Even if it DOES sell to someone I know and even if I DO get to sleep in here again...it’ll be different. It won’t be ours...mine. Not physically, anyway.

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Life is still lovely...and it will go on. More stories will come. I’ll remember things I haven’t told you about the old home place. And...more likely than not...I’ll tell you stories I’ve told you before. I’m of that age, you know. It’s one of the joys of growing older...you get to tell stories with freshness because you can’t remember who you’ve told them to before. Probably easier on me than you, come to think of it.

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The barred owl came to talk softly to me in the growing darkness. He didn’t give his usual full call....just a short “coo” to let me know he was there. Then, ever so slowly, he made his way from tree to tree...getting further and further away...till I could just barely hear him in the woods on the far hill. Fitting, I think....that things get softer and further away as I let this lovely place go.

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Tomorrow morning, you’ll read of my last night here...but it’s surely not the last you’ll hear about the farm.

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?

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“I will bless you with a future filled with hope—a future of success, not of suffering. You will turn back to me and ask for help, and I will answer your prayers.”

\nJeremiah 29:11-12 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/17/it-was-the-best-of.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Farm Life","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/15/god-has-bigger-hands.html", "title": "God Has Bigger Hands", "content_html": "\n
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Lord, I’ve tried to keep up with everything the last few months. When I posted yesterday’s message, I was so incredibly overwhelmed with all that’s on my plate and I was at my wit’s end. So, I did what I do when the burning ends of the candle are threatening to meet in the middle. I had a conversation with God. I told him I was tired and I really needed to sleep. I said I felt like I was beating my head against a brick wall with these taxes and I just could NOT figure out what was wrong. I handed everything over to Him and said, “Can you take care of this tonight so I can rest. In the morning, you can tell me what I’m doing wrong and what I need to do to fix it.” God has bigger hands than me.

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I slept like a baby.

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Yesterday morning, I got up and was just heading into the office when the carpet dudes showed up. And, of course, they had to play music. It wasn’t objectionably loud, but I have a hard time concentrating when there’s noise and let me tell you...hammering nails down into concrete for fastening carpet is a noisy proposition. I was feeling the frustration rising when Mr. FixIt popped in, touched my shoulder, and said, “How’s it coming?” I said under my breath, “It would be a lot easier if they weren’t playing their music so loud.” He softened, his voice took on that tone of compassion he uses when he knows I’m tense, but he also knows I’m going to have to suck it up a little bit and put on my big girl panties. 

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“They need the music, baby. It helps get them through long, hard days.” 

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He know just what to say and how to say it. I saw it through their eyes and realized, laying carpet is backbreaking work. The least thing they could have is the joy music gives them while doing it. My shoulders loosened and I tuned out the tunes.

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I opened the computer and said to God, “Ok...show me what you’ve got.” I closed my eyes and thought it through. There are files on the hard drive where TurboTax saves your returns. Yes...I had started an amended return when I couldn’t figure out what was wrong, but thank goodness I listened to that still small voice and didn’t file it. I had looked for the folder before and couldn’t find it. I looked in a different folder and...eureka!!! I found the original file, opened it...and all the info I thought was missing was right there in front of me! Thank you, God!

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I have no idea why TurboTax didn’t transfer the data from the year before, but I just used the figures and it worked out fine. Well...that is, until I filed the returns online. They were rejected. Something about a PIN and my AGI. I decided to print the returns and just mail them in. Alas...no working printers. Went to town to Office Depot, bought an inexpensive printer, and voila...I printed out everything I need...including last year’s return for my records.

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Tonight I’m going to give it to God again and ask him to help me figure out what I did wrong with the e-file and see if I can try it again this morning.

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In the meantime...we have NEW CARPET! I sent photos to my peeps. Other than the one time I built a house (after a divorce), I’ve never had new carpet. I feel like SUCH an adult! lol It turned out so pretty. And the vinyl laminate flooring Mr. FixIt put in the entryways is perfect! He started putting things back in the room and I asked him to wait. I want to be more selective about what we put in there. I don’t want it to be too cluttery like it was before. 

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More things checked off the list!

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It was a good day.

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?

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“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

\nPhilippians 4:6-7 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-15T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/15/god-has-bigger-hands.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Wisdom","Choices","Be Joyful!","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/07/whispers-from-beyond.html", "title": "Whispers from Beyond", "content_html": "\n
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I got a little bit of a late start yesterday. I realized I didn’t really have anything at the farm for breakfast and I didn’t want to eat a hamburger and cottage cheese that early. So, I hopped in the truck for the short drive east. About seven miles away is a gas station/diner/tire center/convenience store. It’s saved my butt many a time when I ran out of something basic, but you wouldn’t want to actually “buy groceries” there as it’s spendy. Initially I thought I’d buy a box of cereal, or maybe some eggs, but as I got closer, I decided to go to the next biggest town where they have a real grocery store. Mr. FixIt agreed to come out and stay at the farm later, so I wanted to have real food.

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The two-lane to town...well, pretty much ANY two-lane blacktop in West Virginia...is twisty and turny as it climbs up and over the hills. And, this particular road goes right by the cemetery where my family is buried. I waved on my way past and called out the open window, “I’ll stop on the way back!” I love a country grocery store. You see things you might not find in a big city. And there are definitely colloquial items you can’t find anywhere else. Mr. Virgo LOVED scrapple. If you don’t know what that is, let me tell you...you either love it or you loathe it. I happen to be in the second category but, ohhhhh...that man did love scrapple. 

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When I asked Siri to tell me what scrapple was she led me to this definition:

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“Scrapple - American pork offal mush. Scrapple, also known by the Pennsylvania Dutch name Pannhaas or “pan rabbit”, is traditionally a mush of pork scraps and trimmings combined with cornmeal and wheat flour, often buckwheat flour, and spices. (Sounds yummy!) The mush (ugh...can you say onomatopoeia?) is formed into a semi-solid congealed (it just keeps getting better and better, right?) loaf and slices of the scrapple are then pan-fried before serving. Scraps of meat left over from butchering, not used or sold elsewhere, were made into scrapple to avoid waste.”

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Just an FYI...The definition of offal: “the entrails and internal organs of an animal used as food. Refuse or waste material. Decomposing animal flesh.” 

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Yeahhhhh....NOPE! Not this girl! However...you do weird things for handsome men and frying this stuff up in my good pans was one of those things I did for that South Philly boy. This was a very long way of saying...they sell scrapple in Tiny Town, USA. I reached for the mush instead. A tasty alternative made from cornmeal, water, salt, sugar, butter, and maybe some bits of crispy bacon added. Essentially it’s the same as polenta, but you slice it and fry it and serve it with syrup drizzled over it. Yummmmm....and no leftover pig innards!

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I finished my shopping and on a whim, stopped at Berdine’s Five and Dime for a small bag of their chocolate covered peanuts. They are SO divine! Then, I drove to the cemetery. I had to park down at the main road because the last time I went in there when it was wet, I nearly slid off the road and down the hill onto a row of headstones. The day was crisp, the sun was shining, and a slight breeze blew my too long bangs away from my face.

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When I got to Grandma’s grave, I knelt down and started talking to her about the farm. I told her it was being sold and how terribly sad I was. I told her if I was younger, I’d buy it myself, but there are so many things wrong with it, it would just turn into a money pit. I apologized, and...much to my surprise, I burst into tears. Snotty, can’t-catch-your-breath, sad-country-song tears. I felt horrible...like I was abandoning my grandma herself. 

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When I finally regained my composure, I got up and moved over to Mom’s headstone. It’s low and slightly inclined, but high enough to sit on. I talked to them...these wonderful people who made me and raised me and taught me right from wrong.

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“Just tell me what you want me to do! If you want me to buy the farm, well...I’ll find a way to make it work. If you don’t, then tell me how to walk away from this. It’s breaking my heart!”

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I sat very still and listened to the wind in the trees around me, the birds calling from the woods, the bees buzzing around some flowers on a nearby grave.

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Suddenly...my heart got very light...like a weight had been lifted off me. And, I could almost hear my grandma’s voice.

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“The gift is not in the farm, pet. The gift is in the STORY.”

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That’s it! That’s the golden nugget...the prize...the revelation! I can walk away. Because “The Farm” has given me everything it can, don’t you see? I walked back to the truck singing...

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“Farther along, we’ll know all about it. Farther along, we’ll understand why? Cheer up, my brother...live in the sunshine. We’ll understand it, all by and by.”

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When I got back, I put away the groceries and straightened up the living room. I knew my sweetheart would be here later in the evening and he’d want to watch TV, so I hooked it back up for him. I turned it on to make sure I had it connected correctly and the Drew Barrymore Show was on. Drew was getting a tattoo right there on the show. When they asked what she was having done, she said, “It’s a phrase I’ve been saying to myself a lot the last year.”

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‘Home is where you are.’

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Isn’t that the truth?

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?

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

\nProverbs 3:5-6 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/07/whispers-from-beyond.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/24/so-long-obxsee-you-next.html", "title": "So Long, OBX...See You Next Time!!!", "content_html": "\n
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It was our last day and we wanted to do something fun so as soon as the temp warmed up a little, we gathered a few things and took off. Mr. FixIt has had his picture taken with a specific dog statue every time we have been here together, so we surely couldn’t leave before getting this year’s shot. And...since he was all masked up, I’ve decided you get to see him from the front without blurring out his face! Yeah, I know...you still can’t see him ‘cause his picture and his name is the only thing I keep close to my heart. The rest of my life is pretty much an open book. He reads most of my posts and...so far...he’s never had a complaint about any of the stories I tell. As a matter of fact...I think he kinda likes it!

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The day started out cool but sunny and clear. We walked the boardwalk and looked at some of the little shops. Finally, I looked at him and said, “You know...every one of these shops has the same darned things in them. Let’s go fishing!” His eyes lit up and we went back to the condo to pack a quick lunch and headed off to the beach. There was barely a breeze and with the sun shining, I was warm enough in leggings and a sweatshirt. I took my knitting and worked on the shawl as we chatted between casts. The fish weren’t biting, but the crabs were devouring the squid off the hooks as fast as he could throw them out in the surf.

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Around 5:00 or so, the clouds started to gather and it got chilly. We packed up without eating our sandwiches so we decided to drive up the island to the Currituck Lighthouse again and have an in-truck dining experience. It soon became apparent the sunset was going to be obliterated by cloud cover and we headed back to the condo. We’ll pack this morning and head home so we covet your prayers for travel mercies.

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In the meantime, here is my progress on the shawl I’m knitting. I chose these colors because they reminded me of the sand, surf, and sunsets here on the Outer Banks. Now I’ll have a lovely reminder of our 2021 trip to the beach every time I wrap myself in its cozy warmth. I don’t know if I’ll get to knit on the way home as I am usually the designated driver and my sweetie is my navigator. If not, there will be plenty of other opportunities. I’ve decided to spend a little time every night after I write and before I chat with my son-in-law’s mom, Sue. If I keep at it, I’ll definitely get it done! Sometimes I’m not so good at finishing projects but I’m determined to do this one.

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We usually divide our trip down into two segments, staying overnight somewhere around Williamsburg. That’s so we don’t get here totally exhausted and ruin our first day trying to rest. I don’t care so much going home because we can always lay around on Sunday and not miss a thing. I was telling Mr. FixIt last night, I’m usually ready to go home about Thursday. Then on Friday, I want to stay another week! At any rate...we’re at that age when I’m really excited to sleep in our own bed. So, getting home in one day just might be the way to go.

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See you tomorrow!

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?

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“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

\n1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/24/so-long-obxsee-you-next.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","West Virginia"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/21/life-is-a-mystery.html", "title": "Life is a Mystery", "content_html": "\n
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A Halo Around the Sun...Life is a Mystery!

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I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster this week...and it’s only half over. Here we are at the beach...enjoying our time away...yet, so much is going on, it’s hard for me to let loose and focus on relaxing into oblivion. Sometimes, life is just that way. It doesn’t serve exact dishes from an exact menu at exactly the time you want...or NEED them. It seldom works that way.

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Practically on our way out the door Friday, my cousin sent me a message. My uncle has listed Grandma’s farm with an agent and it is being auctioned off. There is a minimum bid, and the Auction closes at 7:00PM on May 18th. I thought we had till July, but I’m sure it makes more sense financially to sell in the spring. It’s disappointing on many levels...not the least of which, my kids won’t get the opportunity to go say goodbye to the place. I’m hoping the new owners will be amenable to allowing this when they come for a visit in June. I’m also sending this link to everyone I know, hoping someone I know will snatch up this beautiful place and I can still come back for visits! Hey, a girl can hope! (Edit: I found out this morning...the auction ends 5/18 but the sale doesn’t close till 7/3!!! So, my plans for a gathering may work after all!!!)

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I also got a call from the endocrine clinic and my labs show I have recurrent hyperparathyroidism. They couldn’t see those other two glands and they hoped they were ok, but obviously they aren’t. They called me again yesterday to address that, and some other tests that will need repeating in three months. I’ll need to have a specialized scan in September after everything heals and all the swelling is gone and we can try to visualize those glands that are playing hide and seek in my chest. After that, we’ll discuss what to do which is more than likely another surgery...this time in the chest. NOT the result I was hoping for, but it is what it is. My symptoms are back to what they were before the surgery, but I ten wonderful days of feeling like I did before this all happened, so that gives me something to strive towards.

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My cousin and her family came and took a lot of the furniture from the farm back over the mountains. It’s theirs and I have no problem with that. They were careful not to take any of my things. I wasn’t worried that they would. And, it’s not the “things” that’s the problem. It’s walking back into the house when we get back home and seeing Grandma’s table and buffet and secretary desk and other things gone. It’s the change. It’s the loss. The loss of my childhood home...my happy place...my safe space. That’s what’s bugging me.

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Then I think of my friend who lost her son...then twelve days later, unbelievably lost her husband, too. I think of my dear friend Sue who lost a year and her hair and her breasts to cancer. I think of my friend Sharon who is struggling with long haul covid on top of liver failure and sees her strength, and perhaps even her independence, slipping away from her. I see my Aunt and my Uncle struggling with health and memory issues. I see the young people in my family facing difficult challenges in their lives. I see the scary things of the world and my issues seem so paltry in comparison.

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The Lord tells us, the things of this world will give us trials and tribulations. But He has overcome the world. And we can, too. It’s all a matter of faith and focus...letting go and letting God take care of us. We have to suit up and show up and get in the game and do our part...of course. But sitting here “crying in my beer” is not the answer to this situation. That doesn’t help me or anybody else.

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I’m looking at the opportunities that lie ahead. Ok...the farm thing is just happening sooner than we thought. That’s less mowing and less responsibility...financial and otherwise. My friends’ loss gives me the opportunity to be more like Jesus and be of service to them. Not having the responsibilities of the farm frees up more time and resources for that. So? My hips hurt and I have weird pains that migrate about and I’m grumpy and can’t sleep. So what? I can still go see a beautiful sunset with my sweet husband and hold his hand and eat ice cream in the dark. I’m not dead. I’m inconvenienced. Inconvenience didn’t kill anyone. 

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As we got in the truck yesterday to go for a drive around the island and go antiquing, I looked up and noticed a halo around the sun. I’ve seen these often around the moon, and sometime will catch a refractive prism of light in the sky called a Sun Dog, but I’d never see a full halo around the sun except in winter. So, I took it as a sign...a God Wink. He was telling me... “It’s all part of the Circle of Life. Time is eternal...just go with the flow.”

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Time to get back on my horse and ride.

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?

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“For I want you to know how great a struggle I have for you and for those at Laodicea and for all who have not seen me face to face, that their hearts may be encouraged, being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God’s mystery, which is Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I say this in order that no one may delude you with plausible arguments. For though I am absent in body, yet I am with you in spirit, rejoicing to see your good order and the firmness of your faith in Christ.”

\nColossians 2:1-5 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-21T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/21/life-is-a-mystery.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/17/in-a-matter-of-moments.html", "title": "In a Matter of Moments", "content_html": "\n
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Whenever we head out on a long road trip, I am always careful to ask God for travel mercies and you all are always so good about praying for us, too. I wanted to let you know how well those prayers worked.

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We left home about 9:15 yesterday morning and took the cat to the Kitty Hilton. We stopped for a breakfast sandwich and complained that the line was so long. But, we stuck it out, got our meal, and I almost pulled out of the parking lot to eat on the road. Instead, I thought better of it and we pulled into a parking space to enjoy breakfast.

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We got on the road just a couple of minutes before 10:00 and headed south on the interstate. We came around a turn and I could see something white lying over on the tree line. I immediately slowed down. Two cars had just pulled over and put their flashers on. There was a man walking near what we found was a semi tractor trailer laying on its side. The trailer was ripped open and a white “mist” was rising from the opening. I looked back at the road and saw dirt and grass from the median where the truck dragged it across both lanes. 

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There were NO tire tracks through the dirt!

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That meant, the truck had literally crossed our path minutes before we came through there. It turns out, the load in the trailer was some sort of hazardous substance that can cause difficulties breathing if exposed to it. If we hadn’t waited in the line and taken a few moments to eat before driving...it could have been disastrous. I keep a cross hanging from the rear view mirror of my truck. I immediately reached up, grabbed that cross, and thanked God for keep us all safe.

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There are so many petty annoyances we go through every day and we may grouse and grump about them incessantly. But, it’s very important to remember...sometimes that delay was to keep you from being hurt....or from hurting someone else. A little gratitude goes a long way...even when things aren’t working out just as you planned!

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???

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“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only look with your eyes and see the recompense of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place— the Most High, who is my refuge — no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the adder; the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot. “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.””

\nPsalm 91:1-16 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/17/in-a-matter-of-moments.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/11/in-search-of-the-silver.html", "title": "In Search of the Silver Linings", "content_html": "\n
\"Grandma’s
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The Farm

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Yesterday we talked about letting the farm go and the inevitability of change in our lives. I read the lovely comments and encouraging words you left me on my post and it gave me much to think about throughout the day. When life hands me lemons, I start looking for all the different ways to use them. There are so many ways to make a lemon sweet and more palatable.

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When I took over the farm in 2016, I also took over the utilities. When I no longer have that to deal with, I’ll have at least an extra couple hundred dollars in my bank account. That’s a good amount of camping I could be doing. Also, we won’t be responsible for the mowing and that will give us a lot more time and less pressing need to always be here.

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You know, normally I never would have had the opportunity to spend more than a week or two at the farm when I came home for vacations every year. After Mr. Virgo passed and I came back to West Virginia to help my elderly aunt, I had a taste of life in the country. It only lasted ten weeks that go round, but it was enough to let me know it was the life for me.

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When I returned to West Virginia in the summer of 2016, I was presented with an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. My uncle was taking my aunt to go live with him and he needed someone to live at the farm and take care of it. He asked if I could come off the road and stay there for him. I didn’t have to think twice. 

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Having all this time to live in my grandparents’ house was such a gift from God. I did a lot of healing there. Not only from the wounds of losing my husband, but of losing so much of myself over the years. It brought me back to my simpler roots. I remember, as a doctor’s wife...talking to one of my lifelong friends. Apparently I needed to be brought down a peg or two because she reminded me, in no uncertain terms, that she and I had the same roots in the red clay of Appalachia and it would do me well to remember that.

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I’ve never forgotten that conversation. Living a simple farm life after downsizing humbled me in a way nothing else has. As I read stories on Facebook yesterday, I was reminded of the most basic point. I am letting go of a house. I have friends letting go of their children, of their marriages, of their livelihoods. I have friends who are in life and death struggles with health concerns. I am letting go of a HOUSE. I’m not planning a funeral, yet I will grieve. I am not burying a loved one, yet I am bereaved.

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It isn’t lost on me the way God is helping me through this. Daughter #1 and her girls will be here the week before we have to vacate the farm. We are planning a gathering of family to say goodbye to the old girl...and to the long line of loved ones who called her home and are no longer with us. Little is staying with us while my daughter takes Big to go see colleges. You see? I get to not only share the farm with Little, but I get to share my heart and the stories of her ancestors and instill a love and appreciation for what came before her. She and I have never been together....here. It’s extraordinary how well orchestrated this is. God is so good!

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It is a natural process in life to grieve the things we lose that bring us such love. And, just as I have learned to keep Mr. Virgo’s memory alive within me, the same will be true of the farm. I will remember the sights, sounds, smells, and every little feeling that creaky old house gives me till the day I part this earthly plane. When I hear rain on the roof of a camper, I’ll be transported back in time to a little red house in the woods. When I lay my head on a pillow where I can hear the rushing sounds of water in a creek, I will close my eyes and remember.

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When I hug those I love, I give away bits of the love my family poured into me. That love comes from an endless source...a fount of remembrances of love and joy and faith. I carry the farm within me. I AM THE FARM and THE FARM IS ME.

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We are one and we are love...simply because, we were loved. By the family and by the land upon which we stood. For we are but sojourners here.

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?

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““The land shall not be sold in perpetuity, for the land is mine. For you are strangers and sojourners with me.”

\nLeviticus 25:23 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/11/in-search-of-the-silver.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Love","Wisdom","Peaceful Moments","Farm Life","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/07/prayers-and-miracles-and-grace.html", "title": "Prayers and Miracles and Grace", "content_html": "\n
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I’ve been posting the Sunday Evening Prayer Circle for a few years now. I love that we can come together and pray for each other and lift those in need. Prayer is so powerful and helps everyone involved...pray-er and pray-ee. I also post from time to time when there is urgent prayer needed and I appreciate every single one of you that take the time to pray with me.

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We don’t always get an update on these prayer requests and today I wanted to share a couple with you.

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A few weeks ago, I asked for prayers for my friend Janine’s niece, Lauren. She had a brain bleed the day before her due date. After the subsequent surgery, she had a massive brain stem stroke that left her with “locked in syndrome.” This is where the patient has full mental faculties, but their body is totally paralyzed. She knows what’s going on, but can’t speak or move. Lauren was moved to a specialty rehabilitation hospital in Chicago when she stabilized. After intense therapies, she can now nod her head up and down, her vocal cords are waking up, and she can moved her left foot a little. This is HUGE, considering the prognosis and the family covets your continued prayers as Lauren works hard to come back to her husband and little baby girl.

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Monday evening, I posted an urgent prayer request for my dear friend Sharon’s grandson Kyle. He was in a car accident where both vehicles rolled. Fortunately, Kyle and his friend were wearing seatbelts. His friend was able to scramble out of the car, but Kyle was stuck and unconscious. He was life-flighted to National Children’s Hospital in Columbus. He had severe lacerations to his scalp and was sedated and intubated in ICU. He drifted in and out of consciousness, and finally came around enough that the breathing tubes could be removed. He remained in ICU so they could monitor his brain function. Then, yesterday morning, Kyle was sitting up, wide awake in a recliner. No broken bones, no internal injuries, no brain damage! He was discharged home by last evening.

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You cannot tell me that God isn’t still in the miracle business. There was every reason to believe either one of these cases could have ended very differently. I know the families of both of these young people, and I know God will use these difficult times for His Glory. I just wanted to take a moment and let you know how your prayers have helped people in real time. 

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Thank you so much for being here and always being ready to lift up those in need!

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?

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“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

\nMark 11:24 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/07/prayers-and-miracles-and-grace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/03/26/neither-here-nor-there.html", "title": "Neither Here nor There", "content_html": "\n
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We are enjoying springtime in West Virginia. We are supposed to get some big storms in the next day or so...storms that would more than likely produce large amounts of heavy wet snow in Colorado elevations. Another reason why I chose to live here. My spirit just couldn’t take any more traditionally “spring” months filled with unpredictable snowstorms. You are neither here nor there in a Rocky Mountain March.

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Mr. FixIt called me into the living room last night to see this little guy on the front door. This is the “peeper”...the tiny little tree frog that sings its love song on warm evenings in March and April here in the Mountain State. It is truly the harbinger of spring. As I sit here propped up on pillow in the back bedroom, lap desk and iPad on my knees, I’m listening to these little critters out along the creek and low, wet places on our property. Between that, the rain on the dried leaves that sounds like sizzling bacon, and the window wide open...I know exactly what season I am in.

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Seasons don’t just come with the change in the orientation of the sun on the earth. Seasons also come with the changes in life. We all have passages through these seasons that seem to divide our journey into distinct chunks of time...childhood, young adult, family, career, empty nest, retirement. In general...aging. Within those divisions are distinct events that become benchmarks of our lives. Coupling, or not. Parenting, or not. Career, or not. Retirement, or not. And within those, we have the monumental moments that can come to define who we are.

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My two most positive pivotal moments in my life were birthing my children. They fill me with love and joy...and occasionally, worry. My two most negative pivotal moments were the overdose...and losing Mr. Virgo. How I carry all four of these events define who I am today.

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I have a sweet friend who is a fairly new widow. She has been doing an incredible job, going through all the typical widow stuff, but add in some natural disasters and she has discovered “intermittent mattress surfing”. Those are the rare days when the waves of grief hit so hard you can do nothing but lay in bed and cry. I had those days, too. I’m not worried about her...she knows not to buy real estate there. I have another friend who is marking the sixth angelversary of her husband’s death with her annual solo pilgrimage to the ocean for some solitary meditation. The manner in which we honor and remember changes with the tides of life.

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Just as each one of us are fearfully and wonderfully made and totally unique from one another physically, so we are emotionally. Not everyone feels pain in the same way. My daughter broke her ankle, had a plate and seven screws placed, and never took more than an ibuprofen. Some people get a hangnail and you never hear the end of it. In the same way, everyone experiences grief in totally different ways. I used to try to compare where others were in their journey and wonder what was wrong with me. Maybe I was not as far along. Or maybe what was my biggest stumbling block seemed a piece of cake for others. 

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By submersing myself in writing this blog in the early days of grief, I learned I was perfectly normal...as was everyone else. We just didn’t all do it the same way. Grief is tough. There is nothing about it that is fun. There is growth you go through that can only be attained through a certain experience, but to say your spouse’s death is responsible for the growth you attain from it is horrifying. You would never wish such a tragedy in the name of personal growth.

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That being said, I do watch the differences in the way widows (and widowers) lead their long term lives after their loss. Some never, ever date or marry again and wouldn’t even consider it. Some might consider it, but don’t ever make a move toward making that happen. Some may have not had a happy marriage so, while the death was difficult, the resultant escape from abuse keeps them firmly planted in freedom. Some cannot stand the thoughts of ever being alone and get hooked up with someone quickly.

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I’m a mixture of these, I think. Early on, I told my daughters I would never, ever get married again because I would never put myself through such a loss again. Then I turned around and tried dating a couple of times...WAY too soon and Lord, I’m telling you....what a fiasco either one of those would have been if I would have stuck with them. For me, I came to the conclusion at around four or five years that I really didn’t want to spend the rest of my days alone. It’s not that I don’t love my own company, but I get bored really easily and I love the give and take of marriage. There is always a challenge and there is always a joy. It keeps life interesting.

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For me, the trade off of marrying again has been a sort of “letting go” of Mr. Virgo. My memories of him are not painful now. I still have occasional pangs of sadness when I think of the actual loss but I think that’s remembering the pain, not the person. When I think of the person Mr. Virgo is/was to me, I am filled with warm and loving memories of a handsome man who carried my heart on a velvet pillow. Moving forward in life is not abdicating your love for your person. It is learning how to carry them gently in your heart without collapsing.

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There was that tipping point where I was neither here, nor there. I was no longer married...I was widowed. Yet, he was my husband...dead or alive. Now I know...I can have both. I can have a living, breathing husband to share my life and love with AND I can have my late husband who will always and forever hold a piece of my heart because I know the very source of the love that I feel comes from God and that will never, ever change. This is how it has worked for me.

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I am here.

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?

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“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.”

\nIsaiah 26:3-4 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-03-26T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/03/26/neither-here-nor-there.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/03/23/its-always-something.html", "title": "It’s Always Something...", "content_html": "\n
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Bee Balm in the Sunshine
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If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Right? That’s what Nanna Rosannadana always said! Yesterday I told you I wasn’t feeling well so we did a rerun of one of my favorite memories. My whole day Sunday was just discombobulated. I woke up late and forgot to take my calcium till late. I didn’t feel great. Then, as I took my shower to prepare to go see the kids, I started seeing little jiggly circular “hoops” of light when I turned my eyes from side to side. It made me kinda seasick. It didn’t hurt, and it wasn’t exactly like an ocular migraine. I was puzzled, but I trusted my instincts and opted to stay home while Mr. FixIt went without me. 

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I had a pretty low key day, but these flashes kept showing up. I was getting a little nervous about it and told Mr. FixIt if I still had them Monday morning, I would need to see my eye doctor. This is where my anxiety disorder kicked in just before bedtime and I had to take my “rescue medicine” and go to sleep.

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It’s difficult for most people to talk about mental health issues and it shouldn’t be. I have a history of anxiety....me and about 40 million other adults in the US every year. I got it honest....both my mom and my dad had it. And, both of my girls do, too. About half of those diagnosed with anxiety also have depression. It was really hard for me to accept this. I saw it as a flaw in my personality...that there was something “wrong” with me. I was somehow “less than”. While I wouldn’t necessarily call it my super power, it does tell you a lot about the kind of deeply caring and creative person I am. 

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It’s not always easy to live with. There was a time when it nearly overwhelmed me. But nowadays, I’ve discovered it’s as much a part of who I am as the color of my eyes and the fact I have high cholesterol. I try not to let it get in my way, yet sometimes it does. I had a video chat with Daughter #2 Sunday night and we both cried because we miss each other. That was the top card that triggered an anxiety response. Mix it with PTSD and...well, it’s something I’ve worked on in therapy...and it’s something I live with. If I’ve had it this long, it’s not likely to go away...although, I did kind of hope the surgery would fix that, too. Anxiety is one of the symptoms of primary hyperparathyroidism. 

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I always turn to scripture and tell myself I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And not to be afraid. I thought it was all the things that scared me that I wasn’t supposed to fear. Now, I’ve come to understand...it’s the anxiety I’m not supposed to be afraid of because it can’t kill me. It’s just an uncomfortable biochemical response to stressors. 

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When I woke up yesterday, the flashing hoop was still there and I called for an appointment with the eye doctor. I still wasn’t quite sure what was going on, until I went outside with my cup of coffee and sat on the deck. I looked down at my hand and saw swirly grey curls of what looked like smoke and I knew in an instant I was having another vitreous detachment. I had one in the right eye in April 2017...just two months after I got smacked in the face with an airbag when I wrecked my truck. The eye doctor told me then that one of these days, the other one would go. 

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It’s not an uncommon thing to happen after the age of 40. I will spare you the anatomical drawing of an eyeball...here’s a description. When an egg is very fresh, the egg white is thick and the membrane that surrounds it sticks tightly to the shell. But over time, the egg white thins out and loses volume. That membrane begins to pull away from the shell. The same thing happens in the eye. The vitreous thins and the membrane begins to pull away from the retina. It’s not a big deal, but it does leave you with floaters in your vision and that is annoying until your brain compensates. Then you seldom even notice them.

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There aren’t pain nerves associated with this, so when the vitreous begins to pull away, it tugs at cells on the retina and sends signals to the brain that show up as light flashes. It jiggles because of the consistence of the vitreous humor...the gel. Even though it’s not a dangerous thing, it does increase your risk of tearing or detaching the retina...and that IS an emergency and needs to be dealt with right away. Remember, when I had my last one, it was just a couple of months after my subdural hematoma and concussion from the truck wreck. I really couldn’t remember what I should avoid. I had to laugh when she told me not to go on a roller coaster for a while. Darn...that was right where I was headed! lol 

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So, if God can’t get me to slow down and heal from surgery...maybe the threat of blindness will get my attention...you think? No heavy lifting, no falling and hitting my head, no jumping up and down. It’s a really good thing it’s not mowing season! 

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I’d roll my eyes...but I probably shouldn’t do that either. ?

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?

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“Don't be afraid. I am with you. Don't tremble with fear. I am your God. I will make you strong, as I protect you with my arm and give you victories.”

\nIsaiah 41:10 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-03-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/03/23/its-always-something.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/03/11/day-look-whos-on-the.html", "title": "Day 360: Look Who’s on the News!", "content_html": "\n
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After I had my covid test on Tuesday, they told me to “go home and stay there...don’t be around anyone that you don’t live with.” Well...that’s, like...everyone in Florida! I lasted till the sun started to turn everything golden then I couldn’t stand it...I had to get out of this room. We decided to take a drive and find a place to get something to eat. A Wendy’s salad was just what the doctor ordered! We pulled into a Walmart parking lot to eat and the sun was setting. I had to grab a quick photo. We were saying how pretty the sunset would have been over on the beach. But we watched the local news and the next week is supposed be 80-82 and sunny! I’ll take it!

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Another fun thing...we were watching the NBC Nightly News last night and Lester Holt always does a feel good story at the end of the show. A couple of weeks ago, I saw a little notice on the NBC News app asking people to submit the last photo on their phones from before the lockdown last year. I submitted a photo showing me holding our three great grandchildren on my lap at the mall. When the story started, I started to say, “I wonder if they’ll show my picture?” And...boom, there it was! I was amongst good company with Dr. Fauci and Lester Holt himself. Pretty fun!

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You can watch the video on my YouTube Channel HERE.

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It was bittersweet, though...looking at all those pictures of all those people who had no idea the world was going to be forever changed the following day. It’s been a year now since the pandemic was declared. Just a few more days till my 365 Project is complete.

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I’m well prepared for my surgery today. I read the entire preparation app again that the surgical center provides. I have my little bag packed with the things I need for my very brief stay. I have to be there by 5:30 in the morning and I should be finished and out of there by noon. Then we can head to our other hotel and rest the remainder of the day. Thank you for all your prayers and support. This has been a long journey getting to this point. I read the stories of some of the other people who suffer with hyperparathyroidism and how it seems to take forever to get a diagnosis. This is not an innocuous disease. If left untreated, it can cut years off your life and it makes people miserable. I am so blessed to be here now!

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Let’s do this!

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?

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“Christ gives me the strength to face anything.”

\nPhilippians 4:13 CEV\n
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#Endurance, #Hope, #Faith

\n\n", "date_published": "2021-03-11T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/03/11/day-look-whos-on-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/03/09/day-from-sea-to-shining.html", "title": "Day 358: From Sea to Shining Sea...the Atlantic to the Gulf", "content_html": "\n
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Mavis has taken me on many adventures. She and I met the day I left Colorado in my rear view mirror and headed for West Virginia and a whole new life. I didn’t realize how very much I needed her, till I stopped along the way and picked her up. Mavis is my GPS. She tells me, almost without fail, exactly where to turn. She lets me know in advance what lane I need to be in for the upcoming exit on strange turnpikes. She reassures me I am on the fastest route, and if not, she either lets me know how long we may face delay or in worst case scenarios...redirects me in a safer direction.

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As we drove yesterday, heading from Historic St. Augustine to Tampa, we decided to turn Mavis off for a while and mosey down A1A...the old route that follows the ocean down the length of Florida. We passed incredible mansions and little beach houses...some no more than shacks, really. I let my mind wander to the kind of people one might find inside. It’s definitely spring down here so there were hundreds and hundreds of bikers riding up and down, parked outside old rundown watering holes and greasy spoons. Or those whose pristine hogs were strapped to trailers on the back of spendy pickup trucks...on their way down to the yearly right of testosterone display that is bike week.

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The bougainvillea are breathtaking! You smell flowers and salty sea as you travel south in the succulence of spring. It’s dizzyingly decadent...as though you are biting into some forbidden fruit...the juices dripping from your chin and leaving you with a sense of satisfaction no mere apple could ever give. My heart explodes with joy, as it always does, when my eyes first meet the sea. We crack the windows, our companionable silence broken only by the cry of gulls and the rumble of a good Harley. Oh....there is nothing like the revelry of springtime abandon. Especially after the long, hard season we have seen. 

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I cannot let myself obsess with others who eschew precautions and flaunt their maskless faces in the Florida sunshine. I understand their needs. I fear for their health and the health of the unprotected. We have done our parts...we have both vaccines on board. We always wear masks (double masks down here!) and we practice safe social distancing. And we pray for all the others...but mostly for the others who will have to take care of these reckless partiers.

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As we get close to the Daytona Speedway, I brought Mavis back to life and she started directing me again....leading me in the right direction, keeping me safe. It made me smile, and reminded me....as much as Mavis does for my driving, God does for my life...as long as I keep Him plugged in and I listen to His directions. He is the GPS of my life...I’m just the copilot. He brought us safely to our cozy, clean hotel where we will stay till Thursday after the surgery. The bed is divine. I stretched out to rest for a bit, pulled up a coverlet, and was asleep in moments.

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We are safely here.

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?

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“Your word is a lamp that gives light wherever I walk.”

\nPsalms 119:105 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-03-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/03/09/day-from-sea-to-shining.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/13/day-throwing-out-a-lifeline.html", "title": "Day 334: Throwing Out a Lifeline", "content_html": "\n
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Sometimes we lose our moorings. We become untethered and bound about, endlessly bouncing from one disaster to the next...wondering if life will every slow down. Just a little. Just enough to catch our breath. We bob and weave like a buoy....broken away and tossed on the waves...no way to be saved. Or to save others.

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I’ve been cut loose like that from time to time. And, in the depths of my loss, something happens that reels me back in and makes me feel calmer, more anchored. I know it’s often my own prayers that bring me back to God...to my source of peace and comfort. But, it occurred to me last night as I was meditating on this topic...sometimes it’s the prayers of others that bring us back.

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As I scanned the last week, there have been so many opportunities for me to pray. Some for myself, for sure. But many, many opportunities to pray for others. The other night, a sweet friend from my little town in Colorado texted to tell me we had lost a very dear man...a friend to all. A quiet man with a fierce love for life. A talented actor. An adventurer. A sweet spirit. 

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I last chatted with him a week or so ago. He had survived his second bout of cancer and the scans were clear, he said. He had to come home from Asia where he’s lived for several years so he could get his cancer treatments. He had to leave his love there, because it’s very difficult to get a visa. They’ve worked at it for the better part of three years, and finally it was granted. She was packed and on her way to join him. He was to pick her up at the airport today. Instead, they had to contact her at the airport to tell her...he had died in his sleep the night before.

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Of all the sadness and anger and ugly things that have happened in the last year...that broke me. I know sudden loss. I understand the gut punch a snatch death brings. But, to finally be on her way, then.... I’m heartbroken for her...and I have never met her. So, I pray for her and I hold her in my heart. And I throw her a line.

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My friend Kate has been widowed not quite four months. She is still learning to navigate this with teenaged twins. Hers was also a snatch death...a heart attack...just exactly like Mr. Virgo. She’s going through the same things I did....the anger, the fear, the guilt. And, just when she landed a dream job, a horrific ice storm is felling trees and branches all over her acreage. So far, it hasn’t damaged her house too much, but there’s four more days to go through this storm. So, I pray for her and I hold her in my heart. And I throw her a line.

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My friend Janine has a niece who just had her first baby...right in the middle of a debilitating brain bleed and resulting surgery and things are scary...sort of touch and go. The family is beside themselves and praying harder than they ever have. So, I pray for her and I hold her in my heart. And I throw her a line.

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God gives me an endless supply of lifelines to throw out to people in the form of prayer. When I throw that line out to someone, it sticks to them...whether they know it or not...whether they feel it or not. Then God picks up the other end of the line and takes it from there.

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Just as I sat down to write this, a Silver Alert came across my phone. I looked down at the face of the middle aged man and I recognized in him a developmental disability...much like my own brother, and my sweet Uncle Bob who is gone with Jesus now. This man is lost somewhere and it is frightfully cold. He doesn’t have a warm winter coat on...only a hooded sweatshirt. This breaks me even more. There...but for the Grace of God. That could have been my brother. I am overcome with gratitude that he has always been loved and cared for and the people with whom we have entrusted his care are so good to him. 

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So...I pray for them all...I hold them in my heart. Then I throw them a line.

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?

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“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”

\nJames 5:16 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/13/day-throwing-out-a-lifeline.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Grace","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/12/day-i-shoulda-known-better.html", "title": "Day 333: I Shoulda Known Better", "content_html": "\n
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Winter Creek
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One would think, after all I know about trauma and grief and PTSD, that I would know better than to watch the unfolding of the impeachment proceedings. I’m not going to get into a discussion of who is right and who is wrong. This is my page, so I have the right not to get involved in the political aspects of all of this. But, from a purely human standpoint, watching it all over again has been brutal.

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The Hedgerow
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Why did I watch? Good question. My best answer is, I’m an American citizen and when something of such import occurs, I feel it is my responsibility to know what’s happening. I was interested in seeing the exact timeline...which was well documented. And there were visual graphs that brought that information into clearer focus that I don’t think any of us were quite aware of before...especially those involved.

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Mysterious Hole in the Snow...No Footprints...No Nothing...Just a Hole!
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I made it through to about 1:30 yesterday afternoon then I became, quite literally, physically ill. It’s a combination of things, really. The wrong thing for breakfast. Coffee has suddenly started bothering me. And, unexplained stomach upset is one of the symptoms of hyperparathyroidism that I struggle with. Of course, one can only brush up against the triggers of PTSD so often without going over the edge and unfortunately, I pushed my boundary too far. It will take some work to re-compartmentalize that information, but it’ll come. And hopefully my upcoming surgery will take care of this particularly bothersome side effect of this disease.

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Abandoned Nest in a Cedar Tree
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In the meantime, I’m working on a few writing assignments and that is always a healthy distraction. I worked a little on the genealogy yesterday, but really...I just needed a break from the noise and the chaos, the TV and the screens, and just go outside and walk in the snow. We had quite a winter storm Wednesday night and it left us with about four inches of the white stuff. Mr. FixIt went out with his new snowblower and cleared the sidewalks once the snow stopped. He does like that and it’s good for him to have something to do.

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Buckthorn Berries in the Snow
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A walk in the snow did wonders for my disposition. Meandering along the half-frozen creek, listening to the sounds of winter birds chattering low in the hedgerow. The low riffle of water as it trickles across stones worn smooth by the ever present flow. Feeling the collapse of earth beneath my feet where the moles and voles are busy living their lives underground...creating soft tunnels you can trace by the slight mounds in the snow. Seeing the snow covered nests of the summer birds, long gone south for the winter, waiting patiently for the spring thaw and their joyous return. The snow around the feeders marked heavily with little four-pronged footprints of the dozens of visitors...enjoying the abundance of our feeders. The bright scarlet and vivid blues of the cardinals and jays as they swoop in from the brush and trees that surround our property. Trees that reach naked arms to the leaden February sky. I breathe the cold air deep into my lungs with a hunger I forget I have. This long, quiet darkness of winter can wear thin in these days before the spring thaw. But they force me to find the hand of God as he leads me beside these still waters...and restores my soul.

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?

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“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

\nPhilippians 4:6-7 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/12/day-i-shoulda-known-better.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Fear","Peaceful Moments","Farm Life","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/06/day-this-is-the-night.html", "title": "Day 327: This is the Night the Lord Hath Made", "content_html": "\n
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The last few days, we’ve been talking about feeling stretched thin, feeling frayed and frazzled, overwhelmed with the nature of the world we find ourselves currently living in. Changes have been thrust upon us and not all of us accommodate as easily as others. I am sure we would be hard pressed to find someone who has not been affected in some negative way by the events of the last year. 

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I always put my money where my mouth is, so I looked up some of the links in yesterday’s post. I read about combatting stress and weathering this particular storm. Then I did what I always do...I went to my inner sanctuary...my quiet space of meditation where I commune with God on a personal level. This is where we sit together...sometimes in quiet companionable silence...sometime in vibrant, dynamic discourse. 

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These sessions all start out the same way. I get quiet. I find that stillness between my breath and my heart beat, and reach my mind out to God. He knows what I want...what I need. Far better than I. So, I find it quicker and easier to get to the point by just shutting up and listening to the lesson of the day.

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As I sat there, eyes closed, breathing slow and deep, I became acutely aware of my body’s aches and pains. I felt the tension I hold between my shoulder blades...what my masseuse in Colorado referred to as my “trying too hard” spots. I felt bone weary...as though I’d run a marathon. Thoughts flitted by. “Why can’t I sleep better???” “When is this going to get easier???” “Why don’t I know how to do this by now???”

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Within that space...a thought formed.

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“This is the night the Lord hath made! Let us rejoice and be glad in it!!!”

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“No” I said. “You mean this is the DAY you have made!”

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“No...I mean this is the night. The day has two parts....I divided it in half. Part for work, part for rest.”

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“But, I can’t sleep! I have never been able to sleep well...you know that.”

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“Ahhhhh, yes....I do. But, you’ve never celebrated my gift of the night. You dread it. You are afraid of the nightmares you might have. Or the anxiety that might come. Or the hours you might have to lay there...staring at the ceiling.”

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“I want to sleep. I try! I really do.”

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“Then stop TRYING. And celebrate the hours I gave you for resting.”

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Novel concept. I closed my eyes. I felt my face against the pillowcase. I wrapped up in my soft, fuzzy blanket and touched it to my lips. I repeated over and over in my mind. 

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“This is the night the Lord hath made. This is the night the Lord hath made. This is the night the Lord hath made.”

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And I woke up at 11:30 yesterday morning! Good night, nurse!!! I haven’t slept like that in....I can’t remember how long. I jumped up and went into the family room.

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“Hey there, sleepyhead. How you doing?”

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“What day is this?”

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Mr. FixIt laughed. “Friday. I thought you must be tired so I let you sleep.”

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Honestly? I felt like a new person. We got ready and went to town for a couple things. I started making arrangements for the trip to Florida next month. And I feel like a million bucks! I feel like I had a vacation. It was a remarkable different.

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God gives us the days to do our deeds. But he gives us the gift of the night as our time to celebrate hours of sweet rest and slumber. I plan to approach every night in that same way...delicious anticipation of dreamless sleep...awakening refreshed and at peace. Doesn’t that sound lovely?

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?

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“This day belongs to the Lord! Let's celebrate and be glad today.”

\nPsalms 118:24 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/06/day-this-is-the-night.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Gratitude","Comfort","God","Choices","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/21/day-another-dawnanother-day.html", "title": "Day 311: Another Dawn...Another Day", "content_html": "\n
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Amanda Gorman, first-ever National Youth Poet Laureate
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I had a very long day yesterday. Mr. FixIt left early to go to Sam’s during the time set aside for Prime Members...before the doors open to the general public. There were only three people in the whole warehouse. I elected not to go because I wanted to watch President Trump’s farewell speech at Andrews. It is not lost on me that many of you did not want to see him go and the day was sad for you. I feel for your sadness, disappointment, anger...because I’ve known the same. If this contentious election taught me anything, it’s the ability to put myself in someone else’s shoes and have empathy. It has also given me an opportunity to step back and look at politics through a different lens. Instead of standing so far apart, slinging stones and arrows...I recognize this is the process our country was built on. This is the reason there is not a monarchy or an autocracy. Our form of government was designed to take turns. The pendulum swings...wildly at times...but it always comes back in a different direction. I think, doing a job we can be proud of is a worthy goal for either side and working together for the greater good gives us ample opportunity for improvement. There has been an awful lot of divisive rhetoric over time that makes us see the worst in each other. I strive to do the opposite.

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I think the most beautiful thing I saw yesterday in the entire day’s event was the reading of the inaugural poem by Amanda Gorman, America’s first-ever National Youth Poet Laureate. At the tender age of 22, this Harvard student...a descendant of slaves, the daughter of a single mom...spoke with intelligence, beauty, grace, and poise. Her slender hands painting the air as she sent her well chosen words into our hearts...a balm to heal broken places. The fact she stood on the very spot where such violence shook our nation just two weeks prior exemplified the stark contrast between darkness and light. I was mesmerized and want to share it here...not only as a record of the day, but as a testament to what I have always strived for in my own writing. That there is goodness in the world...even in the darkest of times. And, that we have far more in common than the differences that divide us. I always strive to be a uniting force. I’m not always successful...but it is in the trying that we find a worthy endeavor.

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You can read the words of the Inaugural Poem here as well as view Ms. Gorman’s reading. 

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As the day wore on, and the more mundane events commenced, I gave in and took a little nap. I was freezing and climbed under the blankets, allowing their warmth to comfort me in the soft cocoon of slumber. Afterward, Mr. FixIt and I watched the news, then the first press briefing, then...the star-studded Inauguration Celebration they had in lieu of the traditional balls. Actually, I much preferred that. We can’t go to the balls...and who wants to watch other people dance? I loved having a program of inspiring music and the celebration of Americans...not just America. The story of the little girl with the virtual lemonade stand that raised $80,000 to help others. The little boy who overcame a stutter and read part of an Inaugural Speech. The words of encouragement and wisdom from prior presidents. It was generous and selfless, humble and kind. Inclusive.

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Finally, when we were nearing the middle of the show, I took a break to make us a little sweet treat. As usual, I didn’t have a recipe in mind, but I knew I wanted warm muffins and a cup of tea. I searched around in the pantry, and this is what I came up with. Amounts are approximations, as I don’t really measure...I kinda eyeball it.

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Flapjack Muffins

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Mix together throughly by hand. Then fold in whatever little extras you want. I added a cup of a dried cranberry & pecan mix that I use as a topping for yoghurt or salad. I also added a cup of semisweet chocolate chips.

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I have the really big muffin pans so this made five. It would have made six if you didn’t fill the cups as much. Bake for about 25 minutes at 350 till a toothpick comes out clean. I split them and buttered each half and ate them while still hot from the oven.

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Warmth and goodness heals us from within. May we strive for moving closer to each other and heal with warmth and goodness...an maybe a nice muffin and a cup of tea.

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?

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“Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together.”

\nColossians 3:14 CEV\n
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#Unity, #CommonGood, #MiddleGround

\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/21/day-another-dawnanother-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Grace","Peace","Forgiveness","Courage","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/13/day-out-of-thin-air.html", "title": "Day 303: Out of Thin Air", "content_html": "\n
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After Mr. Virgo died, I had several instances that could only be explained as supernatural. The first occurred just three days after he died. I was walking out of the bedroom to go get coffee with my daughters when I “felt” his hands on my shoulders and “heard” him say “Shut the d*** window!” He was a stickler for security. The next incident was when I was in Denver visiting the kids and my security alarm at the house kept going off...on the inside motion alarm. I could see on the camera there was no one there, but it went off multiple times and the police would come out to check. Finally, I stood in the living room and told Mr. Virgo out loud...”You need to stop messing with the alarm now. It’s involving other people and scaring me!” It never went off again. The most remarkable was when I was in my therapist’s office and the music started playing.

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You can read that story HERE.  

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The other day, I saw something remarkable posted by a longtime friend. They lost their son a couple of years ago in a tragic accident. The other day, she was sitting in her chair when her phone chimed. She looked down and it said her husband was sending her a photo via Air Drop from his phone. Now, her husband was not only NOT holding his phone...it was in the charger. But, more importantly, he had no idea how to Air Drop a photo. She accepted the download request, and it was a picture of the signature page of a bible her son had been given as a teenager. There was her son’s own handwriting in a photo her husband didn’t even know was on his phone.

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These are remarkable events. Some will say coincidences, but to those who receive such a precious gift...we know this is a gift from God. A way to show us He cares about our pain and loss. At least, that’s the way I believe. We all need to hear good news, uplifting stories, messages of hope. No matter how hard things get, we can always find something good to lift us up.

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I hope you find something today that lifts your spirit.

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?

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“What can we say about all this? If God is on our side, can anyone be against us? God did not keep back his own Son, but he gave him for us. If God did this, won't he freely give us everything else?”

\nRomans 8:31-32 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/13/day-out-of-thin-air.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/12/day-the-birds-of-the.html", "title": "Day 302: The Birds of the Air", "content_html": "\n
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It’s been a long time since we had a really deep down, heart-to-heart chat. It’s been a long time since I needed to process some really difficult things and deal with the resultant side effects. I’m NOT going to dive into politics here...and I don’t want to stir up a political maelstrom. If that starts up, I’ll just delete the unhelpful comments. This isn’t about politics. This is about pain.

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I have PTSD. It’s one of those awful things you sometimes get when you face a particularly painful trauma, and I got it from watching Mr. Virgo have his heart attack and the ensuing resuscitation. It went on for what seemed like hours. I was left with flashbacks and debilitating anxiety. EMDR went a long way toward easing that pain. And, it’s been a long time since I’ve experienced the effects.

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After the events of last week at our Nation’s Capitol, I was surprised I wasn’t feeling worse than I was. I seemed to be handling things pretty well and went on about my business. I now realize what I had done was to compartmentalize my feelings. I kinda packed them up in a neat and tidy box labeled “Bad Things” and pushed it aside. That doesn’t mean I didn’t FEEL things. I just dampened them down and moved them aside.

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Over the weekend I started getting a splitting headache and my body hurt everywhere. I was afraid I was getting sick, but this felt more familiar. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I had an experience a few years ago where I came into close contact with someone I believe to be dabbling in dark things. My relationship with God has been so strong since Mr. Virgo died, that I seem to have this radar that goes off when I’m around darkness. I not only feel that crawly sensation on my skin, but I literally get sick to my stomach. I believe that is a spiritual attack and I am very careful to stay away from such things. 

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A Facebook “friend” writes posts from time to time about church and on the surface, it’s very upbeat. On closer inspection, there seems to be something off. A little too “Stepford Wife” or something. Yesterday, there was a post with a rather surprising photo that maybe could have been read a couple of different ways. I went in to read the comments for an indication as to which direction this was leading. Someone posted a comment with a video. I had seen this video the day before with a comment saying someone from West Virginia had posted it.

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I totally expected to open the video and hear something Biblical and I can guarantee you....it was NOT. It was vile and I won’t go into further detail and I certainly won’t share it here. I had that immediate creepy crawly dark sensation on my skin and ran to the bathroom to throw up. I was sick for over two hours. I climbed in bed and read my bible for a while. That always comforts me and reminds me, God always wins in the end.

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I felt much better afterwards. The headache is all but gone, as is the creepy crawly feeling. The enemy vanquished back. The verse I read was Luke 12:22-26...where we are told God takes care of the birds and we are so much more important than any birds. When I sat down to write my post last night, the first thing I saw on Facebook was this picture of my cousin Mike, cradling a female cardinal in his hands. It had managed to get into their screened porch, so he gently picked it up to take it outside. We call him “The Bird Whisperer”. I loved this little God wink...a cardinal coming to remind me how important we are to God and we have no need to worry if we remain close to his side.

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These are dark and trying times. I’ve been carefully winnowing my friends list on Facebook again. Not to weed out those whose political beliefs don’t mesh with mine. I welcome respectful repartee. But I don’t respect violence in any “way, shape, form or fashion”, as Governor Justice says.

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Today is a brand new day and no matter what comes my way, I know...I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me. 

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???

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“Jesus said to his disciples: I tell you not to worry about your life! Don't worry about having something to eat or wear. Life is more than food or clothing. Look at the crows! They don't plant or harvest, and they don't have storehouses or barns. But God takes care of them. You are much more important than any birds. Can worry make you live longer? If you don't have power over small things, why worry about everything else?”

\nLuke 12:22-26 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/12/day-the-birds-of-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/11/day-putting-on-the-brakes.html", "title": "Day 301: Putting on the Brakes", "content_html": "\n
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I asked Mr. FixIt on Saturday night if he’d like to go out to the farm with me yesterday to check things out. I like to get out there several times a month to make sure everything is ok and to pick up the mail. And, I like to just sit for a bit and breathe in a bit of the peace that place gives me. 

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It was a beautiful day to go for a drive. The sun was shining and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. It was chilly...in the 30’s...but a perfect day to go to my happy place. Especially after the week we’ve had. There was quite a bit of mail...the Livestock Market Quarterly and the flyer that tells you what farms are open and what they are selling. There was the usual advertisements, a couple bills, and the new phone book. Typical fare.

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Everything looked good. I checked all the rooms, windows, and doors. There were four new messages. One was telling my late aunt she was eligible for a Covid vaccine on Tuesday. A couple hung up. And one was a man named John. He said we didn’t know him, but he was calling to give us the Good Word and share a couple of Bible verses. I didn’t think to write them down. I should have.

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While I was wandering around the house, Mr. FixIt was checking up around the barn. He called me out to look at something. The ground between the barn and a drain pipe that goes across is very soft and always wet. It never gets sun and the only thing that really grows in that soil is a luxurious ground cover that’s about two to three inches thick. It sits like a dense carpet on top of the wet earth below and easily peels away like the skin that forms on pudding. 

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I walked up to where Mr. FixIt stood, staring at the ground. 

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“What do you suppose did this?” he asked.

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I wandered around, looking at several places where the ground cover was disturbed. At first, I though perhaps coyotes had been digging for moles or voles in the soft earth. But I quickly ruled that out when I could find no foot prints. I studied the claylike soil that was exposed. There were two large cuts, with two smaller cuts within each. The smaller spots nearby were punctures straight down in the loamy material.

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Eureka! What we had here was a fairly large deer came running down through the area between the barn and the house, put on the brakes for some reason, and skidded through the slippery clay and ground cover...trying desperately to stop. My guess is, he lost his footing and danced around a bit till he got his bearings before he continued on. I would have loved to have been there to see that!

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One our way back home, we came around a curve only to be greeted with a pickup truck halfway in our lane. Mr. FixIt yelled. I might have said a bad word. I had no place to go but over the bank into the creek, but fortunately the guy swerved back into his lane and I moved back into mine. Our hearts were in our throats for a while, let me tell you. I thanked Jesus for getting us through that.

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These twisty turny roads of West Virginia can be dangerous and I will definitely breathe better when we are able to live a little closer to town. It will still be a bit before we can do that, but in the meantime, I keep my cross hanging in my truck and pray God keeps us safe.

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?

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“Don't be afraid. I am with you. Don't tremble with fear. I am your God. I will make you strong, as I protect you with my arm and give you victories.”

\nIsaiah 41:10 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-11T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/11/day-putting-on-the-brakes.html", "tags": ["Faith","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/09/day-salve-to-a-sore.html", "title": "Day 299: Salve to a Sore Place", "content_html": "\n
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Whenever my grandma hit a rough patch, she’d look for something to ease her soul and afterwards, she’d say, “‘Deed, that’s like salve to a sore place.” It might be a chat with a friend on the front porch, or hugging her babies around the neck, or sitting in her window chair reading her Bible. Whatever came her way, it didn’t take her too long till she had herself lifted back up by the bootstraps and off she went a’runnin’ again.

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Last year was rough, but even with the rough stuff, there were many moments of joy that lifted my spirits. Then this week hit, and I’m not going to lie...I’ve had a hard time. Being the person who’s always the cheerleader, I wasn’t sure how I was going to come back in here today and talk to y’all. I just didn’t know where to start or what to talk about. There’s just too, too much and Lord knows there’s enough of it “out there”. I didn’t want it “in here”. So...I went looking for that same energy my grandma gave me whenever I needed a little salve for my sore places.

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I started out on YouTube listening to worship music then I turned back in time to old timey hymns. I clicked on a couple of black and white documentaries done in 1965 back in the mountains of North Carolina, visiting Appalachian musicians. One I really liked, but early in the movie, they’re following along with some old feller who was hunting groundhogs and I didn’t think y’all would appreciate that so I moved on. 

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Finally, I stumbled onto an interview of an old Appalachian woman named Ruby and I knew I had what I was looking for. I sat there watching, mesmerized by Ruby’s distinctive accent, talking about the way she was raised and the kind of life she’s lived and I was transported to all those many times my grandma and I sat on the front porch out at the farm...she telling me stories while we strung halfrunner beans to can.

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Ruby looks off at her land and can’t set her eyes on anything she doesn’t own and she knows peace. She knows Jesus. She knows how to take care of herself. And she knows how to lift herself up by playing Amazing Grace on her guitar every night before bed. I sat on the edge of our bed, listening to her beautiful story as I brushed and braided my hair before bed, and realized...I wasn’t quite as scared as I was when I first sat down to write.

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This big old world was here long before I got here. It’s going to be here long after I’m gone. We’ve lived through troubled times before...we’ll get through these as well. Good Lord willin’ and the creeks don’t rise. In the meantime, may this little slice of Appalachian goodness be salve to your sore places today.

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You can see Ruby’s interview HERE.   

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?

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“When his people pray for help, he listens and rescues them from their troubles. The Lord is there to rescue all who are discouraged and have given up hope.”

\nPsalms 34:17-18 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/09/day-salve-to-a-sore.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/02/day-finding-hope-among-the.html", "title": "Day 292: Finding Hope Among the Stars", "content_html": "\n
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I’m in the hope business. My glass is always full...even when it doesn’t look that way. It may only have a drop of water left, but the rest is filled with air. Even though you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t important. Most unseen things are. Being hopeful in difficult circumstances can be challenging, but it’s infinitely easier if you remember your glass is filled with lots of unseen things....love, faith, and that sometimes elusive yet forever ubiquitous element of life called HOPE.

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Just as we turn away from what may be one of the most challenging years any of us will ever experience, we turn towards an entirely new year with a little less confidence. After all, last New Year’s Eve, the only pressing matter of the coming New Year was what was looking to become a contentious election season. Oh, little did we know what we had in store for us when we blithely watched the calendar flip over to 2020. It’s hard to trust 2021, isn’t it?

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For good reason. We knew the transition was going to be difficult, but most of us...myself included...never dreamed we’d be here at this point and still wondering. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. This isn’t how its ever gone in my lifetime. I’d love to experience a little normalcy. We didn’t know there was going to be a pandemic that would rage out of control. We didn’t know 2020 would be the year of social unrest that it was. It would be one thing if everything was settled and packaged up and resolved, but it’s not. There’s a LOT of work to be done before we ever get to that true sense of peace, I think.

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That doesn’t mean we are without hope. There are more people trying to raise people up than those trying to break them down, I think. We just hear about the bad stuff more often because it sells. There are good people out there doing good work and making positive changes in our world. But, even more importantly, the things of this earth are finite and will eventually fall away. God has the entire universe in the palm of his hand and only He knows the Master Plan because He wrote it.

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As I wandered around the internet last night, I was looking for hopeful things. Sesame Street has created Rohingya Muppets to help children cope with the unthinkable horrors of the world’s largest refugee camp in Bangladesh. UPS Drivers are being celebrated and thanked for never giving up through the holiday rush. The vaccines are coming to a site near you and we can get on board and get this thing over with. The first meteor shower of 2021 is this weekend.

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We can always look up for hope. When I was going through a difficult divorce, I built my very first house I ever lived in alone. It was exactly as I wanted it...light and airy with lots of florals and stripes. I was surrounded by my antiques and family treasures. And I had a hot tub out back. On the darkest, coldest nights of the year, I would turn off all the lights, quietly step out the back door, hang my robe on the hook and slip into the hot and steamy water. I live away from town and the night sky was magnificent. I remember leaning back in the hot water and staring up at the billions of stars. 

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The constellation Orion always caught my eye with the three stars representing his belt. Orion was always there...looking over me and my house from his celestial perch in the late autumn and winter skies. As I was searching for an image to go with this post, I stumbled upon the lates images from NASA as they created a composite image of the Orion Nebula as seen by the Hubble Telescope and the Spitzer Space Telescope. I think they saved the best for the last of 2020...as if to say “Here, I know it’s been hard. But let’s look forward with new hope.” 

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Because...that same power that blew this cosmic fairy dust across the universe blew life into our souls. I’ll never look at Orion’s Belt the same again. Remember...it is often the unseen things that have the strongest power and give us the greatest hope.

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?

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\n

“The heavens keep telling the wonders of God, and the skies declare what he has done. Each day informs the following day; each night announces to the next. They don't speak a word, and there is never the sound of a voice. Yet their message reaches all the earth, and it travels around the world. In the heavens a tent is set up for the sun. It rises like a bridegroom and gets ready like a hero eager to run a race. It travels all the way across the sky. Nothing hides from its heat.”

\nPsalms 19:1-6 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-02T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/02/day-finding-hope-among-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/12/23/day-special-deliveryjust-in-time.html", "title": "Day 284: Special Delivery...Just in Time for Christmas!", "content_html": "\n
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I’ve been feeling kinda blue about Christmas this year. Covid has us sequestered and the kids all feel like they could just as well be on the moon. Top that with our firm commitment NOT to buy each other gifts this year and the season has just been...blah. I certainly have no complaints about the gift thing. We bought ourselves new recliners this year. Then the microwave went out and we replaced that. We had a trip to the beach in October. And there was an unexpected assessment on the condo this year, so we figured that was plenty. There really isn’t anything we really need anyway.

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I’ve been so blessed to have all this time and supplies to do so much canning this year and those things don’t come cheap. But there’s only so much room in the kitchen and I’ve long since run out of space to store my small appliances. There are the shelves in the basement where I can store them but I know just as soon as I cart them downstairs, I’ll need one of them. Some of them are fairly heavy and unwieldy. An idea has been bouncing around in my mind for the last several weeks.

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My dear friend Ryb had a beautiful piece of furniture built in her Colorado kitchen to store her small appliances and baking pans. I always admired that, and vowed someday to have one. Then, divorce took away my big country kitchen and the house I built was just too small for such a cumbersome piece. Segue to 2020 and the Ponderosa. Another country kitchen, but still not enough room to house all my kitchen gadgets. I’ve been scouring Facebook Marketplace for something that might work but nothing was catching my eye. So, I did what I always do...I gave it to God and went about my business.

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Yesterday morning, I was having my coffee when a notification came across my phone...from Mr. FixIt...who was sitting on the other side of the living room. 

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“Look at this,” he said.

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It was a three piece, solid wood bookcase cabinet combo. An early entertainment center, really. But lovely. Country styling. Light oak. Interesting. I figured it would be way more than I wanted to pay. I kinda had a price in mind...$300.

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“Nice! How much to they want for that?”

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“$300!”

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“Each piece?”

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“No...total!”

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We looked at each other and smiled. I texted the lady and made arrangements and by 8:00 last night, the office was cleaned out, the furniture was in it, and it was holding all my appliances! I mean...if I would have measured out the space I needed to house my stuff, I couldn’t have done any better than this! It is so solid and heavy (thank you Harry and Joe for helping bring it home!) Seriously, it took three men to get it over here.

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As I carted my appliances from the floor of our dining room into the office adjacent to the kitchen, I placed each one in just the perfect spot. And with each trip, my heart got lighter and lighter. Because, I realize how truly blessed I am. I know there are people struggling mightily this year to just put food on the table. We are blessed this pandemic hit when we were retired and not when we were trying to raise a family. But, mostly...my heart was light because God always provides us with what we need. 

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Did I NEED that piece of furniture? No, I did not. Did it brighten my heart and fill me with a sense of awe that God hears us? Yes, it did. God isn’t a Sears & Roebuck Catalog. You don’t just send out wishes and He fills them like the genie in the lamp. But He provides and wants to hear from us about all our hopes and dreams and wishes. Sometimes He says no...a LOT of times He says no. But...sometimes He says yes! We have been so blessed to be able to help out food banks and assist a few people during these trying times. This gift makes it easier for me to be organized and cook and provide for others without breaking the bank so that we CAN keep helping others. I am so humbled that God is so good.

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?

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“You will be blessed in every way, and you will be able to keep on being generous. Then many people will thank God when we deliver your gift.”

\n2 Corinthians 9:11 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-12-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/12/23/day-special-deliveryjust-in-time.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","Change","Farm Life","Baking","Cooking","In the Kitchen"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/11/05/day-distraction-therapy.html", "title": "Day 237: Distraction Therapy", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
\n\n\n

Another day of very little political involvement equals another day of peace on the Ponderosa. I started knitting some little scrubbies from a yarn made by Red Lion. It’s got rough little hairs on it and works for dishes as well as exfoliating your skin. I just cast on 20 stitches and knit each row, making them 4”x4”. They make nice little holiday gifts attached to a bar of fancy soap.

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I’m determined to have the Christmas tree up by the end of the week. I mean...why not? The world needs all the sparkle it can get, and I’m all about the sparkle. The darkness comes early now. By 6:00, it looks like midnight. That’s not my cup of tea, so to speak. The little white lights of the tree brighten my mood and who doesn’t need that right about now?

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Covid is still raging and we are pretty much keeping to ourselves again. Trying to be as self-sufficient as we can be and stay home. I’m working on ways to store all my kitchen gadgets without having to go up and down the stairs all the time. I think I’ll convert a closet that we don’t use and turn it into an appliance garage. A few shelves is all I’d need and it would work out perfectly.

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I’ve eaten half that darned apple pie. Holy cats...it is SO good!!! I need to start running or something. Maybe do the Ironman. lol

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One good thing about stepping back from watching anything about the election is giving me time to breathe and see things through a broader lens than the one I get online. I’ve been thinking more and more about this concept of colors. I’m an artsy kinda gal. I am creative and have worked with color for years. I’ve been hearing people saying they’re “purple”. I think most of them are seeing that as being planted in the middle of the road politically. I see it for myself as a way of coming together...of red and blue making purple. Civility. Inclusivity. Compassion. Tolerance. Education. Patience. Peace. Love. Hope. If we cannot find a way...we must MAKE a way.

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At the time of this writing last night, we still did not know who was going to win the presidential race. So, before it is decided, I want to make a commitment to “Choose Purple” as the way to move forward and work toward reducing the divisiveness we are experiencing in our country. I only want one thing...

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Healing.

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❤️??

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\n

“I trust you for protection in times of trouble, so don't frighten me.”

\nJeremiah 17:17 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-11-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/11/05/day-distraction-therapy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Forgiveness","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/10/19/day-grounding-myself-in-the.html", "title": "Day 220: Grounding Myself in the Spirit", "content_html": "\n
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Flyfishing the Curratuck Sound at Sunset

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Mr. FixIt and I haven’t been to church in person since February. We really miss it, but online church has become our custom and we get up with great anticipation to hear another good sermon. When they first started attending live services, the pastor made some remarks that made us feel belittled for not attending in person. I sent a kind, well-worded message and asked that they please not ostracize those who choose to stay home due to underlying medical conditions that could make getting Covid a death sentence. The next weekend, the pastor spoke into the camera and welcomed us to online church and dubbed us the Warehouse Nation. Their online ministry has started drawing an audience from all over the world. It’s just a simple lesson...don’t shut people out. God’s using this time for HIS glory...not ours.

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For the most part, I really love my home church. But there have been a couple of times that I have been put off by the pastor preaching politics from the pulpit. I have asked on my personal page if this is a common occurrence and I received some very good feedback. Unfortunately, the discussion quickly went off the rails and political policies and the heated emotions that attend them blew up. Most of the time I’ll cut that off, but this time I let it run its course and prayed till it blew over. That being said, I won’t do that here so let’s not even go there. I thought about writing another well worded note to the pastors, but didn’t. When it happened a second time, I almost said forget it...we’ll just find another church. But God kept whispering to my heart to hang on. He’s not just working on me. He’s working on everyone and He wanted me to be patient and give Him time to work. In other words, He wanted me to tend to my own knittin’, as my grandma used to say.

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The other day, a young man who went to high school with Daughter #1 was on a thread I was was participating in. I know better than to read Facebook too late in the evening when I’m tired and fed up. A comment was made and I responded. Looking back, I can see where it came across as snarky. I was going to erase it, then vacation stuff took over and I totally forgot. That is, until I got the response from “John”. It was equally snarky. I typed a response...and erased it. Typed another...erased it. Another...cancelled. In my conversational tone, I said, “Ok, God...what are you saying here? What are you asking me to do?” 

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“Wait...I’m not done yet.”

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Yesterday, our pastor delivered the sermon God wanted me to wait for. I don’t know if someone else sent a well-worded note, or if God was working on all of us, but our pastor walked us through the Fruits of the Spirit. Since when did we start hating each other for having a different political opinion? Since when did we decide it was ok to throw out the Golden Rule and go for the jugular every time someone says something that offends us? Granted...there ARE plenty of things to be legitimately offended over, but we shouldn’t be hateful over differences of opinion over politics. God is so much bigger than Trump or Biden or Covid. 

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The Fruits of the Spirit are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Being our best self. I saw something the other day that gave me pause. 

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Kamala is beloved.

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Donald is fearfully and wonderfully made.

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Mike is cherished.

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Joe is important enough that Jesus died for him.

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Jesus sees us all through the same lens and God is our judge...not members of the opposing party. I can respect the office but not the policies and/or behavior of the person sitting in the chair. I can know who you vote for and still love you. Humans are capable of that.

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This post isn’t about politics. This post is about love. God’s love for us. And the love He commanded us to practice toward Him and each other.

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❤️

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\n

““Teacher, what is the most important commandment in the Law?” Jesus answered: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. This is the first and most important commandment. The second most important commandment is like this one. And it is, “Love others as much as you love yourself.” All the Law of Moses and the Books of the Prophets are based on these two commandments.”

\nMatthew 22:36-40 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-10-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/10/19/day-grounding-myself-in-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Love","God","Forgiveness","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/10/15/day-gone-fishin-with-the.html", "title": "Day 216: Gone Fishin’ With The Boys", "content_html": "\n
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Of all things, the check engine light came on in my truck on Tuesday evening. We had to go find an auto parts store yesterday that could run a computer diagnostic test on it. There were three codes...all regarding misfiring in the cylinders. My guess is we need new spark plugs, a tune up, or we had a batch of bad gas. The light went off after she checked...which is what it’s supposed to do. And, it hasn’t come back on. We’ll keep an eye on it and hopefully, we won’t have anymore problems and I can get it checked out at home.

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I will have to say, there are a boatload more people here than we imagined there would be. So many people are working remotely now and if you can work from home, you can work from the beach just as easily. Gone are the days of long stretches of empty sand and sparsely attended restaurants, I’m afraid. On the plus side, the merchants are reaping an extended profit season and that’s really good for them.

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I visited my favorite knitting shop...The Knitting Addiction In Kitty Hawk. I was happy to see the owner doing well. I was so tempted to buy a nice project to work on, but I still have so much yarn left from my last trips to the beach, I made myself stick to something small. I found it in the cutest kits for Christmas ornaments. That kills two birds with one stone. We always buy a special ornament when we are on vacation. This way, we’ll still get our ornament, and it will be even more special because I’ll be making it.

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The kids went off to do their own thing yesterday so Mr. FixIt and I had all day to ourselves. We had so much fun! We packed up a picnic basket and the cooler, put it in the wagon, and headed to the beach...fishing gear in hand. Fortunately, the condo complex has built an enormous new ramp that goes up and over the dunes so carting gear out and back isn’t quite the chore it used to be. That being said, our foldable wagon does not have wide wheels for the sand. Once we got out on the beach, it was quite the chore dragging it to a socially distanced spot where we felt comfortable.

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We spent all afternoon on the beach. There was a steady breeze coming in off the ocean and I was just a little too cool. I ended up turning my chair to face the sun instead of the waves, wrapped a towel around my shoulders and read all afternoon. Now, THAT was exactly where I wanted to be...with my sweetheart, on the beach. I have been thrilled to see him perk up this week. He’s so much more like the old Mr. FixIt we all know and love. He has missed the beach so much. It’s in his blood and just being here has done wonders for him. 

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He and his son are meeting a friend today and going deep sea fishing on a charter. There will only be the three guys and two crewmen. We’ve been so worried about his balance since the stroke, and I was concerned about him being on the boat. But...it’s his son. It’s his life. It’s really overall safe and they’ll keep socially distanced. He’ll sit the majority of the time anyway. And...he needs this.

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Will I worry? Maybe I worried a little last night when he decided to go, but then I just handed him over to God. I know He’ll take good care of him. I’ll have a chat with my stepson...I know he’ll take extra special care of his dad, too. I cannot watch him 24/7/365. It’s part of the give and take of marriage. It’s part of me letting go and stop trying to control any possible outcome. It comes from prior loss...I know that. He still needs to have a normal life and he’s really doing much better. So, off he goes fishing with the boys and the girls are having a beach day. 

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God, please let him catch a big fish!

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❤️

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“Parents, don't be hard on your children. Raise them properly. Teach them and instruct them about the Lord.”

\nEphesians 6:4 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-10-15T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/10/15/day-gone-fishin-with-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Fun","Gratitude","Love","Courage","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/10/07/day-gods-present-is-his.html", "title": "Day 208: God’s Present is His Presence", "content_html": "\n
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It isn’t very often I get up before Mr. FixIt. He’s definitely an earlier riser than me, so yesterday was one of those rare mornings when the house is still and quiet as I walked into the kitchen. I made my morning coffee and popped a couple of my made-ahead waffles into the toaster. Soon, the smell of vanilla and cinnamon and coffee gently caressed the air and I nibbled on breakfast as I watched the autumn sun glisten on the lawn out the kitchen window.

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I placed my dishes in the sink, slipped on my shoes, and carried my coffee outside to let the kitty out for the day. It is unmistakably fall as the temperature was hovering around forty degrees. As I made my way down the sidewalk, looking for any sign of the frost my friend Joyce had in town, something caught my eye. I looked down and there was a single dandelion clock...the part of the dandelion with the seeds that you blow on and make a wish. It sparkled in the sun like it was encased in little tiny diamonds. It was enchanting. I hurried inside to get my phone to take a photo.

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I thought at first we must have had a frost after all, but it was just a very heavy dew...decorating every little strand and hair like nature’s very own Tiffany showcase. I snapped several photos and was dismayed that I couldn’t get in really close. The nice thing about iPhones these days is the high resolution on their cameras so all I had to do was blow the picture up to see the little sparkles.

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I went on and let the cat out, giving her some snuggles before she scampered off to explore the Ponderosa. This is the smartest cat. She stays far away from the big road. Cars and trucks scare her and she makes a bee line for the building every time one comes down our side road. I checked what’s left of the plants in the raised beds and garden and we really are at the tail end. I have a few small peppers I can do something with this week. I have some orange slices in the dehydrator so maybe when I pull those out, I can dry some peppers for soups and sauces this winter.

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I sat down with my coffee and searched YouTube one last time for instructions on canning apple pie filling. Even after reading several recipes and watching some videos, it wasn’t sitting right with me and I felt I was missing something. I found another homesteading video and there it was. The lady was getting ready to add the ClearGel and happened to mention, “Now, be sure you use the kind of ClearGel you use for cooking and not the instant. Instant won’t work for canning pie filling.” I still had the jar of ClearGel on the coffee table in front of me so I picked it up and, wouldn’t you know it? I have the instant! I didn’t even know there were different kinds. So...Plan B. Or is it C at this point? Who knows?

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I could have just canned the apples, but when I went to check them, it was apparent they were really a very soft variety...more of a sauce apple than a baking apple. I knew I would get through all this work and end up with soupy, chunky applesauce. I decided instead to make apple butter. I found a recipe for making apple butter in a slow cooker, so I finished preparing the last of the apples and layered them with a little sugar in a couple of six quart food grade tubs and set them aside for the day to bring the juice out. Then I seasoned them with cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice and added some apple juice and a little brown sugar. I divided the batch and filled both of my slow cookers. I placed them on low and we’ll see what they look like today.

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As I sat down to write this last night, I was weary. I keep trying to strike that balance between staying well informed and maintaining my sanity. I swear, it seems like the typical news cycle is twenty-four hours or less anymore, and stories change in rapid succession. I leaned back and closed my eyes and said, “God, I need to you come sit with me for a while. I’m overwhelmed by all that his happening now. What is it you want me to see here?” Then, I listened.

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I wasn’t even going to write about the dandelion last night. As a matter of fact, I had forgotten all about those quiet moments in the garden with my coffee early in the morning. Suddenly, I saw that little sparkling orb in the grass in my mind’s eye and heard... “Narrow your focus.” I pulled out my phone and fiddled around with one of the photos till I had it blown up and focused on the tiny little droplets of dew on each tiny little hair of the clock.

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He was right. As I narrowed my focus to those little drops of dew, I heard... “I give you this every day. When was the last time you looked for this without stepping on it or rushing by with your nose in the news?” I felt the tension slip away from my shoulders and neck and smiled at this entire universe sitting in a little patch of sunlight on our lawn. How often do I miss this gift?

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Yes, the course of our nation is in the balance right now. Decisions are being made, and will be made in the coming weeks and months that will potentially impact our lives for generations to come. And these things are vitally important to stay engaged in and see through. But God also wants us to remember...we are sitting in a tiny little patch of sun in the middle of a massive, unfathomable universe and we really aren’t the ones ultimately in control here. Getting my blood in a boil is not going to change things. Firing off retorts on Facebook is not going to change things. We are too polarized for that now. There’s no convincing either side of the merits of the other. We’ve been manipulated and drawn into a place this country hasn’t seen in decades and I don’t know about you...but I sure don’t feel in control of much of anything this month.

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So, I narrow my focus. I do what I can do. I love on people at every opportunity. I create goodness in my kitchen, I create kindness in my heart, and I create peace in my mind by looking in a teeny tiny crystal ball, nestled in the tall, tough grass of autumn.

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❤️

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“I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. My friends, I don't feel I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. I run toward the goal, so I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done. All of us who are mature should think in this same way. And if any of you think differently, God will make it clear to you.”

\nPhilippians 3:12-15 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-10-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/10/07/day-gods-present-is-his.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","Comfort","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/09/21/day-be-betterdo-better.html", "title": "Day 187: Be Better...Do Better", "content_html": "\n
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My mom always told me my mouth would get me in trouble someday and she was so right. There have been times...too many times...that I react and speak instead of take a breath and think. I try limiting my news time. I try staying off of social media more than just a few minutes a day. I try to get out and do something active. I try to end each day with a feeling of accomplishment.

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I try.

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I don’t always succeed.

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Too often I get sucked into the maelstrom that social media has become. I get triggered. I get angry. I get frustrated. I get sad. When those things happen, it’s far too easy to start to respond negatively and that’s when the drag starts...like a weight around my neck, pulling me deeper and deeper into the depths. 

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That’s not where the light is. That is not what brings me hope. Finding hope today is sometimes like parenting an obstreperous toddler. No matter how tired we are, we have to find something they’ve done to praise them for so they feel encouraged. In this case, it’s us that needs the encouragement. We need to shift the attention to what we are doing right, thank ourselves for do it, and do more of it.

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My friends and I talk about the Bible and share scriptures. We text them to each other periodically during the day for encouragement. We share bible studies. We send jokes that make us laugh and eases the tensions in our lives. Having a network with whom you can share life with is invaluable. Find your people...through church or a senior center or the library. Meetup is an app that helps you find likeminded individuals with similar interests.

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Go through your friends list on Facebook. Pick five people a week to just send a random note to. Not a meme...but a heartfelt message letting them know you were thinking about them and you wanted to reach out to see how they’re doing. Send more goodness out into the world and it’s bound to catch on eventually.

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Flood the world with kindness this week.

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Think about what you are sharing with the world before you hit “send”.

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Don’t contribute to the divisiveness that’s out there. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

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Research before you post. Include resources. Make your English teacher proud.

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When that meme grabs your eye, think twice...three times before you share. Is it kind, is it true, is it necessary?

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Send beautiful things out into the world. Do you really think your rant about the “other guy” is going to change anyone’s mind at this point? I can pretty much guarantee this...it may not change their mind about who to vote for, but it’s sure to make them look at you differently. We’re almost to Election Day. We are coming into the home stretch. 

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Let’s fill the world with a lot less bitterness and a lot more better-ness. Let’s see if we can put out this dumpster fire and create some beauty. Because...

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Kindness Matters

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❤️

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“Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.”

\nIsaiah 1:17 NIV\n
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“Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.””

\n1 Corinthians 15:33 NIV\n
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“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

\nJames 1:19-20 NIV\n
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“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”

\n1 Peter 4:8 NIV\n
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“The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.”

\nProverbs 17:27-28 NIV\n
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“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

\nGalatians 6:9 NIV\n
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\n\n", "date_published": "2020-09-21T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/09/21/day-be-betterdo-better.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Forgiveness","Courage","Choices","Kindness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/09/01/day-the-longest-summer-of.html", "title": "Day 167: The Longest Summer of my Life", "content_html": "\n
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Remember back when we were kids? School let out in May and it seemed like for-EV-er before it was September and time to go back. Then we grew up and became adults and got jobs and got married (or not) and had kids (or not). Then, summers dragged for an entirely different reason. By late August, we were like... “When does school start??? I’m done already!”

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Then...life’s “Third Shift” kicked in. The kids are the ones married (or not) and with kids (or not) and we are left to our own devices. My mom’s generation played Bridge or MahJong if they were fortunate enough to not have to work outside of the home. Our generation plays pickle ball or what have you.

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Whatever the case...it’s September. Seriously...March felt like at least a decade ago. I don’t even remember March. Did 2020 even HAVE a March? Or May? How about June and July? I mean...I could accept that it’s July...but September??? Crikey!

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I think the total disruption of our routines and all the ensuing chaos has shifted our consciousness somehow and actually created a time warp. I mean...I could just as easily be 1963, if you ask me.

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But, I digress. A Facebook friend asked yesterday if we could say something positive about 2020 so far. I had to think about it...but I came up with several things.

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You may say 2020 sucks big ones, and I suppose it has in many ways. But, 2020 has been a gift in just as many ways. Above all, it has forced me into a closer relationship with Jesus. I’ve gotten to know Him a lot better and recognize His voice in the cacophony of this world. It’s brought me a lot closer to Mr. FixIt, as well. We’ve had to learn a new dance around strokes and staying at home and not doing whatever we want, whenever we want. And, believe it or not, it has brought me closer to our kids because we have more real conversations.

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2020 may have brought me to my knees...but that’s not a bad position to be in for prayer.

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I literally did nothing but bake a pan of lasagna and take a nap yesterday. It felt SO self-indulgent...and wonderful!!! Then, around the time the news went off, Daughter #1 called me for a video chat. Ohhhhh, my heart sings when I get to see my Colorado peeps. When we prepared to hang up, I smiled and thanked her so much for letting me see her sweet face.

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“I cannot hug you in person,” I said. “But, I can hug you with my heart!”

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❤️

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“...The Lord watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another.”

\nGenesis 31:49 KJV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-09-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/09/01/day-the-longest-summer-of.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Be Joyful!","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/18/day-ahhhhthats-more-like-it.html", "title": "Day 153: Ahhhh...That’s More Like It!", "content_html": "\n
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I can almost feel the stress melting off my shoulders by the moment. After the last few hectic weeks, and then backing off from social media, I am much more centered and relaxed. The fact that the nights have been cooler and we’ve been “camping” out in our field at the Ponderosa. Sleeping in my camper always makes me a happy girl!

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I worked on the website for a few hours yesterday while Mr. FixIt was at the dentist. When he got home, we hooked up the trailer and took the mowers out to the farm. We got about halfway there and the road was soaked. It was so cool to watch the steam rising up from the hot asphalt after the rain that had just passed through. It wasn’t too much further that the road was dry. We bet each other whether there was rain at the farm. I said there was...and I won. Not a bet I wanted to win, though. The grass was thick and wet and not easy to mow.

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When we were at the farm last time, we noticed that the internet wasn’t working. I called to report it and left my phone number but never heard from anyone. I sat down to call and was on hold for quite some time when I looked out the window to see the neighbor’s garden. Lo and behold, there on the bird seed bin was a brand new modem the phone guy left for me. I hooked it up and we were back in business in five minutes flat!

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Once the lawn was mowed and I had a good thirty minute video chat with Daughter #1, we packed back up and headed home. I told Mr. FixIt that I felt we definitely deserved ice cream after all that so we stopped at the Piggly Wiggly to get some. We happily munched out on a Magnum Double Caramel bar on the way home!

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As soon as we had everything unhooked and put away, I made a beeline for the camper to write. It was a little stuffy after being closed up all day, but it was soon cool and comfortable from the strategically placed fans. We don’t have a single thing planned till the 29th! I’ve been letting the tomatoes ripen and I think today is the day to get them picked and canned. Seriously, it won’t amount to much once I cook them down. As soon as the garden is finished, it’s camping time for us! 

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I feel a hundred pounds happier!

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❤️

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“Our Lord, we belong to you. We tell you what worries us, and you won't let us fall. But what about those people who are cruel and brutal? You will throw them down into the deepest pit long before their time. I trust you, Lord!”

\nPsalms 55:22-23 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/18/day-ahhhhthats-more-like-it.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","The Farm","Gratitude","Comfort","Wisdom","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/11/day-another-bad-night-another.html", "title": "Day 146: Another Bad Night, Another Good Day", "content_html": "\n
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Nearly 5 inches of rain, Bread Pudding in my favorite iron skillet, foggy morning on the Ponderosa, Grandma’s Church, “Naked Ladies” lillies, the back field on the Ponderosa in the fog.
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I used to have what I referred to as “bad nights” in the early years after losing Mr. Virgo. I will never forget the blessed feeling of relief when they finally let up. I will also never forget when they resurfaced years later and I couldn’t shake the thought that maybe this is just the way things are with the new new normal of grief.

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Thankfully, those bad nights are few and far between anymore. They are usually triggered by stress and...could there be anything more stressful than your new husband having two strokes not much more than a year after the wedding...compounded by everything else going on in this world today? We have had two deaths in the family in the last two weeks. One was my cousin’s husband. That stirs up those old memories. 

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I went to bed Sunday night like I always do. I slept so well on Friday and Saturday nights. I was hoping for a repeat. I wrote my post. I fed my sourdough starter. I took my meds and did my evening toilette. I climbed between clean sheets with the windows open and a cool evening breeze coming in. I put away my phone so I wouldn’t be tempted to lay there and surf or read or play games. In other words, I did everything right. Still...sleep did not come.

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I laid there for hours...tossing and turning. I knew I was keeping Mr. FixIt awake, so I tried to just lay still so I wouldn’t bother him. Then I got a headache from laying in the same position. When Mr. FixIt doesn’t sleep soundly, he become a noisy sleeper. Every time he turns over, he either moans or shouts out...depending on the level of discomfort he has from arthritis. Suffice it to say...I watched the sun coming up.

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I got up, drew my fuzzy robe around me, and walked outside to photograph the morning fog. I love fog...it’s so cool and mysterious and softens the world to a hazy glow. The fog also dampens the sounds of the world. The birds seem to whisper their tenuous calls so not to wake up Mother Nature before the coffee’s ready.

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I wandered around for a while, went back inside and cleaned the kitchen, and finally...around 7:30...I thought I’d try again to sleep. That’s when the “bad” part of the “bad nights” hit. I laid there, realizing it had now been 24 hours I’d been awake. What if something happened and Mr. FixIt had a medical emergency and needed me? What if something happened to the kids? How would I be my best if I hadn’t had any sleep. You all know where that snowball went...right downhill.

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I laid there, quietly willing myself to settle down, to not borrow trouble, to not wake up my husband. When he finally did wake up, I told him about my night and he urged me to not worry about a thing and get some sleep. I went into the guest room and slept till 3:30 in the afternoon! 

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When I awoke, we went to the farm to get the long ladder so I could seal the roof on TOW-Wanda. When we got home, we watched the news and then worked on the camper. I fixed a great meal, and the day was done. My biggest gift of the day came again from Miss Jackie. Her husband was a pastor and she is just a knowledgeable woman when it comes to the Bible. There, in her comment on yesterday’s post was her formula for maintaining mental health. A verse from Philippians. I’ll include it here.

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These verses are an instruction manual for maintaining balance in these crazy times. Good friends can bring such good advice when they are plugged into the light. I cherish those friends who tell me like it is, who gently correct...and who sometimes kick me in the butt when I need it. Thank you all for always being here. 

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As Ram Dass said...”We are all just walking each other home.”

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❤️

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“You have a special place in my heart. So it is only natural for me to feel the way I do. All of you have helped in the work God has given me, as I defend the good news and tell about it here in jail.”

\nPhilippians 1:7 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/11/day-another-bad-night-another.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","God","Wisdom","Fear","Peaceful Moments","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/10/day-steadfast-through-the-storms.html", "title": "Day 145: Steadfast Through the Storms", "content_html": "\n
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Let’s face it...2020 has been a year of storms. Every single day, we see something incredulous...something unimaginable...something so unbelievable our minds can begin to be numbed by it all. I don’t even need to write out the list, but who in their right mind would have thought up murder hornets and zombie cicadas...let alone all the other stuff?

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I was feeling a little overwhelmed by it all this last week. I found peace in my garden and on my walks with Jesus. Then I would look at the news again and it would be another awful thing. Balancing between informed citizen and sensory overload is getting more and more challenging. Then, Mr. FixIt and I sat down to enjoy online church yesterday. Like He always does, the Holy Spirit brought me exactly the sermon I needed to hear.

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Pastor Heather spoke about weathering the storms of life. We are always guaranteed to have storms and more often than not, they come out of nowhere and we can be caught off guard. She happened to be on vacation last week with her family and there happened to be a hurricane come right through Myrtle Beach. She noticed the palm trees swaying in the fury of the winds, yet they were never uprooted or broken. It reminded her of the first few verses of Psalms. 

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Those who turn away from evil advice and don’t follow sinners or sneer at God find happiness in the teaching of the Lord, and they think about it day and night. It goes on to say they are like trees planted by a stream where they get their nourishment. This is what I want to be. A sturdy tree planted by the living waters where I can get my peace from the source. God tells us over and over the way to happiness.

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When I first started writing this blog, I promised God if he would bring me the words, I would tell my readers where I find my peace. It is so terribly easy to be reactionary in this political climate. The other day I wrote a reactionary post that I not only didn’t give much thought to, but I also didn’t research it first. My sweet friend Jackie responded with a gentle correction. I so appreciated that. It didn’t escalate. It just suggested I “listen”. Action versus reaction.

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A good lesson for us all.

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❤️

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“God blesses those people who refuse evil advice and won't follow sinners or join in sneering at God. Instead, they find happiness in the Teaching of the Lord, and they think about it day and night. They are like trees growing beside a stream, trees that produce fruit in season and always have leaves. Those people succeed in everything they do.”

\nPsalms 1:1-3 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/10/day-steadfast-through-the-storms.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Grace","God","Courage","Peaceful Moments"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/07/day-having-trouble-feeling-good.html", "title": "Day 142: Having Trouble Feeling Good?", "content_html": "\n
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It’s “Feel Good Friday” and I don’t know about you, but...it could get pretty frustrating looking around this dark world for something to feel good about. I gave this week’s edition of FGF a good, hard look yesterday. I usually search the internet for some story or video that tells of some heart warming thing someone has done. That’s all well and good, but it wasn’t working for me yesterday. So, I do what I always do when I need a little inspiration. I went for a walk with Jesus.

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First, we went out into the garden and looked at the abundance of tomatoes that are coming on. There’s zucchini and yellow crookneck squash, green onions and peppers, pumpkins and Passion Flowers. The honeysuckle clings to the fence along the back of the yard and brambles of wild black raspberries tangle in the corner over the rhubarb. Sumac and wild grape vines threaten to shade the garden as they compete with pokeweed and Virginia Creeper. I felt the stress in my shoulders begin to ease.

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I gave the plants a good drink and took off for a walk around the far field. I saw a hole out there when I was mowing this week and I wanted to check it out. As I ambled across the fresh mown grass, I asked Jesus to give me something to feel good about. I let my mind go blank as I strolled and took in the sights and smells of the pasture. I let myself feel the gratitude for the beauty of this place Mr. FixIt has so generously shared with me. I started humming softly to myself. 

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“I’ll Fly Away” started drifting around in my mind. Not just any version either. It was the Stanley Brothers bluegrass gospel version. It was on their album “Good Old Camp Meeting Songs” and was recorded in May 1962...the month before I turned nine years old. In an instant, I was back in the front yard of Grandma’s house out at the farm, a quart jar in my hands, catching lightning bugs. Grandma and PopPop were inside with the Grand Ole Opry on...cranked up high...and Ralph and Carter Stanley were singing “I’ll Fly Away”.

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My heart smiled.

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A few years ago, I met a lovely young woman named Rachel. She plays the guitar and sings in her church and I had the pleasure of singing with her at a few gatherings when I was staying in my camper up at the river. We harmonized really well together and sang several of the old timey gospel hymns. It’s a precious memory I will always keep close.

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I continued my walk and peeked at the progress on the neighboring property as they clear some ground. As I was coming back down the road, I saw Mr. FixIt out looking for me in the field. The cat keeps losing her breakaway collars and he was hoping to find the one he bought her yesterday. No luck.

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I came in to write this, opened Facebook, and the first person I saw on my feed was...Rachel! My heart smiled big! I searched for, and listened to, some of Ralph Stanley’s great bluegrass gospel and found this album. So, this is today’s treat for “Feel Good Friday.” If this doesn’t make you feel good, I don’t know what will!

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The Stanley Brothers - Good Old Camp Meeting Songs

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Love you all. Take care of yourselves...and each other.

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❤️

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“speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

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Ephesians 5:19-20 NIV

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#GospelMusic, #StanleyBrothers, #Hymns

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/07/day-having-trouble-feeling-good.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Grace","God","Wisdom","Peaceful Moments","Be Joyful!","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/06/day-we-are-all-differentyet.html", "title": "Day 141: We Are All Different...Yet We Are One", "content_html": "\n
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He’s been there since I took my first breath. My big brother. My “Bubby”. My first playmate. My first friend. We were in cahoots on many occasions...but I was always the instigator. He was special. Always gentle...always sweet. He didn’t run and play like the other kids so he was happy to sit on the floor with me for hours...rolling the ball back and forth...playing with cars...building with blocks.

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Every week, we went to this special place to play for an hour or so. There was a table with four doors...one on each side. You opened the door, stood inside, and someone closed the door after you. Then you could play with the objects on the table. Sometimes they would bring us cookies and milk while we stood there. I think I always knew this was a place that helped my Bubby, but I never saw him as anything other than the perfect brother.

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I will never forget driving up Murdoch Avenue one day. Bubby and I were sitting in the back seat and I could tell my mom was crying...though she tried very hard to hide it. When we got home, she asked us to go play and she went in her room for a while. Later, when she was tucking us into bed, I asked her what was wrong.

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“Oh, Sis...I just got some news today that was upsetting to me.”

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“What was it, Mommy? Are you sick?” One of our neighbors had something called “cancer” and I was very afraid my mommy would catch it. Daddy said she could.

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“No, sweetheart. You’re a big girl now. I can tell you. They told me today that your Bubby has Cerebral Palsy. They said he may never be able to drive a car or get a good job. He may be crippled his whole life.”

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I didn’t know what to say to my mom because my Bubby was the same he had always been. I was growing up, but I didn’t have a concept of what life might look like for my brother.

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After that, I was always my brother’s champion. I protected him from neighborhood bullies. I was one of the only people who could understand what he said. I interpreted for him and ran interference...so well, in fact, that I had to learn to back off a little so he could learn how to do things for himself. 

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He went as far in “special school” as he could...8th grade. It took him 12 years, but he finally earned his GED. He was so proud. We were so proud for him. They sent him away for “vocational training” but he wasn’t very successful at any of the jobs they tried to teach him...mainly because Mom insisted he come home every weekend. It wasn’t that she didn’t want him to succeed. She just wanted him to be home where she had control over what he did and saw. 

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He worked in the Sheltered Workshop for 25 years or so, and when Mom retired, she found it easier to just keep him home with her. He was good company for her. She devoted her entire life to him...taking care of his every need.

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Then she died.

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He came to Colorado to live near me because, by the Grace of God, he was accepted into a wonderful program for adults who are “differently abled.” When I had the opportunity to come to West Virginia to live, I offered to “bring him home” with me. But he wouldn’t hear of it. He told me he has a life in Colorado...a life he never would have had if he had stayed in West Virginia. As a matter of fact, he told me one time...if I hadn’t have brought him to Colorado, he would be in a nursing home. And that is the God’s truth. He would have. He now enjoys as independent a life as he can live. He has a roommate. They have support staff come in frequently to make sure they are taking their medicine, check on their finances, get them to medical appointments, take them shopping, help them with meal planning. 

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He loves his roommate. He told me once that he never had a best friend before, but his roommate is his best friend. That warms my heart more than you can know. To rest secure in knowing he will always be taken care of, that he is happy and as healthy as he can be, that he has a happy and fulfilling life...well, that is such a blessing to me.

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My friend Jan shared this video on Facebook last night and I cried when I saw it. Just like I cry when I see someone who is differently abled and they succeed at something we so often take for granted. I know how hard it is to do “normal” things. I saw how much work my brother put into learning how to take care of himself, cook his meals, do his laundry, keep his room clean. To see these kids and young adults expressing themselves with joyous abandon...being exactly who they are...take me or leave me...just warmed the cockles of my heart.

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I’m missing my big brother and all my Colorado peeps something awful right now. As of the 3rd, it’s been a full year since I’ve seen them and I’ve never gone that long. I do not feel it is safe, or fair, to go visit them now. I certainly would not want to make any of my loved ones ill....especially my brother. He has become much more frail the last few years and I must protect him from all this if I can. I pray there will be a time soon when we can see each other. Until then, we will have to be satisfied with phone calls. 

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You can see the video HERE.   

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❤️

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“The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.””

\nExodus 4:11-12 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/06/day-we-are-all-differentyet.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Aging","Kindness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/06/18/day-my-love-is-like.html", "title": "Day 93: My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose", "content_html": "\n
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In 1794, Robert Burns was working diligently to preserve traditional Scottish tunes for the future...the most famous of which is “Auld Lang Syne”. One of the songs he worked on was this:

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“My Love is Like a Red, Red Rose”

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O my Luve’s like a red, red rose\nThat’s newly sprung in june;\nO my Luve’s like the melodie\nThat’s sweetly play’d in tune:\n\nAs fair art thou, my bonnie lass,\nSo deep in love am I;\nAnd I will luve thee still, my dear,\nTill a’ the seas gang dry;\n\nTill a’ the seas gang dry, my dear,\nAnd the rocks melt wi’ the sun;\nI will luve thee still, my dear,\nWhile the sands o’ life shall run.\n\nAnd fare thee weel, my only Luve\nAnd fare thee weel, a while!\nAnd I will come again, my Luve,\nTho’ it were ten thousand mile.
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Mr. Virgo used to work at the Hotel Colorado in Glenwood Springs. He was the Food and Beverage Director, and once a year, the Annual Robert Burns Dinner was held there. Think men in kilts, good single malts served in proper thick-bottomed scotch glasses, steaming haggis, neeps and tatties...all to the tunes of bagpipes. Oh, he loved that dinner....so steeped in tradition and manly things and cigars. The highlight of the evening is the recitation of Burns’s “To a Haggis”, during which the haggis is ceremoniously split open. Followed by lots of drinking and dancing and entertainment...all to celebrate the life of Scotland’s favorite son. 

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This was in January 2008. Mr. Virgo and I hadn’t been married a year yet. And then...just a couple of weeks later, the hotel went into receivership and budget cuts came hot and heavy. I soon came to learn, the Food and Beverage Director is a great job...till there are budget cuts. Then it’s one of the first to go. That sent us in a totally new direction and we moved shortly after to Pagosa Springs for a completely different adventure. So much has changed since that first married winter with a man now gone over seven years.

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Here at the Ponderosa, where I share another newly married life with Mr. FixIt and a little black cat, there is a tiny rose bush that we are convinced will never survive another winter. I’m not good with plants as a rule, and this straggly looking thing is no exception.  Mr. FixIt prunes it a little and dusts it for bugs and we leave it to its own devices. Then, just like clockwork, a single red, red rose bursts forth in all its glory...”newly sprung in June.” I cannot help but think back to another time and another place and another love. Not in sadness...not even with longing....but, with a smile from this bonnie lass, tho’ it were ten thousand mile...while the sands o’ life shall run.

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I recently spoke with a woman newly widowed. She is not in a place where she can understand the full impact of what has happened to her yet. So, she certainly can’t see how the joy I promise she will one day feel again will ever be possible. It’s out there, though. It can’t be rushed. It’s like the red, red rose. One day you’ll walk outside and there will be a brilliant flash of color. Color the likes of which you haven’t seen for so long, you dared not hope to see it again. Yet here it is...right before your eyes. It is in that moment when you know...joy really WILL come again.

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❤️

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“So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

\n1 Corinthians 13:13 ESV\n
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#Faith, #Hope, #Love

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-06-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/06/18/day-my-love-is-like.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Love","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/28/day-welcome-to-my-world.html", "title": "Day 73: Welcome to my World", "content_html": "\n
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Ever since I told you about Lehman’s Hardware a few weeks ago, I’ve been itching to make the two hour drive to go see it. I was all set to go today as it is supposed to rain, but last night I told Mr. FixIt I would rather stay home and enjoy the fruits of our labors this week. It took three days to do all the mowing...and that was three long days. I finally finished last evening but I wasn’t done yet.

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I pruned some trees back along the fence, put away a lot of stuff that had gathered in the yard, got the pool pump plugged back in, and put the lawn chairs away for the night. I burned a couple of boxes in the fire pit and hauled the limbs to a place down by the creek and threw them over the hill. I could have worked for another hour, but I told Mr. FixIt, by that time I’d lost interest. He just chuckled.

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West Virginia went from meat locker to microwave in about a week. Every day for the last several days has been up in the eighties and it’s been too hot to work for at least two to three hours in the late afternoons. The former Mrs. FixIt came out for a visit yesterday and we all sat socially distanced in the shade of the maple tree and visited for a couple of hours. When it was time for her to go, I felt like I did when I was a kid and the fun was about to be over. This social isolation is difficult.

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After I was finished with the yard work, Mr. FixIt and I went for a ride through town and out a country road I’ve been wanting to explore. My friend Stacey lives a couple of miles out this lovely little lane and I’d never seen their new place. I wasn’t disappointed. They live on seventeen acres and have the most darling white farmhouse with a covered front porch. I knew when I came around the turn and saw the way the porch was decorated that I’d found the right place. It looked like something right out of Country Living Magazine.

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We had a country visit. The kind where you drive by in your pickup, holler at someone out on the porch, then sit in the truck in the middle of the road and talk for half an hour. I was about to leave when Stacey asked if I’d like to have a jar of that Redbud Jelly she put up this spring. Oh, my...I said “Yes, please!” so fast it’d make your head spin! Since I’m staying home today, I’m going to try my hand at making sourdough English Muffins so I can have some with that lovely pale pink jelly!

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I mentioned to Stacie as we left that I feel like I’ve been in prison and they’ve let us out on good behavior. But, they might send us back if we don’t mind our P’s and Q’s. I was thinking about this as I was mowing yesterday. I don’t know if I will ever be able to eat in a restaurant again without thinking about all the germs. I don’t know if I will ever relax in a plane or at the theater or a party the way I used to. What if people want to hug me? What if I feel comfortable enough to hug someone and they draw away from me?

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The other day, we stopped to say hello to one of Mr. FixIt’s friends. Joe doesn’t socially isolate or wear masks and he came right up to Mr. FixIt’s window to chat with him. I immediately put my hand up and asked him nicely to back up some because we really cannot take any risks with my husband’s health after these strokes. He was respectful and backed away. There are others who do not. We stopped at the pool supply store Tuesday. There was a line of twenty people. Not all had masks. Not all were maintaining social distancing. I asked my sweetheart to stay in the truck while I got what we needed. The man behind me kept crowding in my space. 

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This is a different world. I have a feeling that things will loosen up again, but maybe not so much till we have a vaccine for Covid. I’ve been reading all the fuss about the vaccine and let me tell you something...Mr. FixIt and I will be the first in line to get it. I’ve lived through the polio era and seen the ravages of that disease. I’ve had vaccines regularly since I was a child and there’s nothing wrong with me. I don’t glow in the dark. I don’t have autism. My kids don’t have arms growing out of their foreheads. This one will be fine. It isn’t the “mark of the beast.”

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I was interrupted writing by the weatherman’s prediction of two inches of rain tonight. Good thing I put Epsom salts around the tomatoes earlier in the evening so the rain can wash that down into the soil and hopefully perk them up. I also had to run outside and get the ladder and climb up to make sure the gutters were clear. (Mr. FixIt held the ladder for me. Those headlamps we bought ourselves for Christmas have sure come in handy around here.) 

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Whew! It’s always something! 

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❤️

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“Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.”

\nProverbs 3:3-4 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/28/day-welcome-to-my-world.html", "tags": ["Faith","Love","Farm Life","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/27/day-where-did-my-leisure.html", "title": "Day 72: Where Did My Leisure Time Go?", "content_html": "\n
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When Mr. FixIt had his first stroke in February, It was cold and we spent the next few weeks curled up in our respective recliners binge-watching the entire seven years of West Wing. I baked and cooked and tried out new things. We started mowing again in April, then he had his second stroke on May 16th. This time, there aren’t long days baking pies and watching good shows. Now there’s mowing and trying to keep up with the housework and garden and PT and doctor’s appointments. I don’t mind a bit doing whatever I need to do to help my sweetheart. I’d just like to have one kinda slow day. 

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Yesterday wasn’t it. I got bit by a deer fly on Sunday then got in that yucky pool to tighten the screws on the new skimmer. By yesterday, I had cellulitis on my arm and had to make a quick run to the local walk-in clinic to get antibiotics. As soon as I got home, I jumped on the tractor and mowed holding a huge golf umbrella over my head to ward off the sun. At 1:30, I had to jump back in the truck and get Mr. FixIt to PT then run errands, a quick take-out supper picnic in the shade of a tree then home to another socially distanced family visit.

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I got to see my sweet little Boo...he’s ten months old now and he remembered me as soon as he saw me. (Well, he smiled really big and he probably smiles at everyone really big, but I prefer to think he remembers his Gigi.) My stepson tilled the garden for me again and hoed the tomatoes then we all sat around and talked till dark. It was so wonderful to see them all. I’ve missed visiting with my peeps.

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I don’t know if I’ll get to go to Colorado this summer or not. I’m just having to play it by ear. I won’t leave Mr. FixIt at home by himself and I won’t do anything that puts us at risk for getting sick. This virus won’t last forever and we will be able to travel again. We just have to be patient.

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The peonies are blooming. I love them! Grandma called them “pineys”...with a long “i”. Ours here on the Ponderosa are pale pink. Grandma’s are white. And, out at the cemetery, there are some deep magenta blooms. I was told yesterday you can split them to thin them out and share. I’ll do that in late summer when I thin out the irises. 

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When I’m busy like this, it’s hard to reach deep insights to share with you here. When I was riding the tractor yesterday and mowing the field, I had my headphones on and listened to my Christian playlist on my iPhone. Doing the most mundane thing can offer you profound closeness to God. When I am out mowing, I am being of service. The mowing needs doing and Mr. FixIt can’t do it right now. But I can...and it is humbling to serve someone you love. Ever circle around the field, I thanked God for the opportunity to serve in whatever capacity I can. And, isn’t that what we are here for? To love...deeply.

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❤️

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“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

\nEphesians 4:2-3 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/27/day-where-did-my-leisure.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Love","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/23/day-call-lowesim-building-an.html", "title": "Day 68: Call Lowe’s...I’m Building an Ark!", "content_html": "\n
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Hokey Smokes! It has rained 20 inches so far this year in our neck of the woods. We waited all day yesterday to get enough warm sunshine to dry out the yard so we could mow one more time before my step-son comes to get his riding mower today. Mr. FixIt had physical therapy and we needed to find a couple things for the old tractor to work on it today. By the time we got back home, the skies opened up again and we were back to square one.

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Hopefully today is a nice day and we can mow and be good for another week, at least. I mean...on the one hand, when it rains you don’t have to mow. But, on the other...the grass grows like crazy with all that wonderful moisture. It’s a Catch-22. We also need to take the push mower out to the farm and mow out there. And this time, Mr. FixIt can’t help. I’m definitely going to get back in shape with all this exercise!

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I hate that I’m not spending as much time in the kitchen as I was. It’s so soothing to me to create good things that nourish my family...and our wounded spirits. We have nowhere to go this weekend...our people are coming to us to help with mowing and welding and fixing things that need fixing. I can spend some time in the kitchen and bake them some treats to take home. That will soothe my heart and bring me peace.

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I’ve been thinking about my Aunt Peeps a lot this week. While she was a sophisticated woman with impeccable taste in fashion, she was a country girl at heart. She once told me, her main goal in life was to get a teaching degree and use it to make enough money to buy a farm in West Virginia. I don’t recall seeing her can and preserve food, but she was quite the cook. She didn’t quilt or sew, but she could work sunup to sundown with any man and give him a run for his money. She was an enigma. Tight as a drum with money, yet incredibly generous when she saw you were trying to improve yourself through education. She was your cheerleader if you were a hard worker. She deeply appreciated a good work ethic and had no patience for someone who she felt was lazy or “working the system.”

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She and I didn’t always see eye to eye about things, and I talked WAY too much for her tastes, but...we had one thing in common and that was the love we felt for Grandma’s farm. She was born in Pekin, Illinois along with two of her siblings. Grandma and Pop-Pop were living there during the Depression where work was to be found. When they finally came back home, there were already four children. Two were born after they moved back to West Virginia. The Farm was where they grew up. It’s where I grew up, too.

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My Uncle Bud came home to the farm last weekend to pick up some things that belonged to Aunt Peeps. He needed to find a picture of her for her obituary. I didn’t get to see him because that was the day Mr. FixIt came home from the hospital. I spoke with him this week and he was so pleased with how well we are caring for the family home. He said he was worried it would begin falling apart without someone living there full time, but I told him we go there often enough to breath life into the old place.

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There are some things that are failing...like the big barn and the old tool shed. They are starting to lean and there’s termite damage. But overall, the place looks great for being nearly a hundred years old. I still yearn to go there often to just rock on the front porch and listen to the birds and the wind in the trees. Everything is aging...the old home place, the tractor, the Ponderosa...and us.

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These are the things that went through my mind as I sat pretending to read while I watched my sweet husband having physical therapy. We’ve known each other since we were kids. But we’ve only been together a little over three years. We’ve both changed a lot in those three years. This marriage isn’t like the marriage of my youth...where time stretched before us like an endless summer vacation. This is the marriage where we get to wrap each other up in warm, comfy love and ride the long wave home. There’s no fooling ourselves. Oh, we aren’t at death’s door....but it is Autumn now. And, there is much comfort knowing I’ll be going through this with my best friend at my side.

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❤️

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“In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

\nActs 20:35 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/23/day-call-lowesim-building-an.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Comfort","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Farm Life","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/21/day-every-day-is-groundhog.html", "title": "Day 66: Every Day is Groundhog Day", "content_html": "\n
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Did you see that movie...Groundhog Day? I don’t think I ever did, but I know the premise. Each day repeats itself over and over and over. Sound familiar? There is nothing good about having a stroke. Nothing. But...it has added a new dimension of things to do in a day. Some things you never thought about doing. Others are just added tasks and stops and appointments. 

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Yesterday, we were coming back home from town. Mr. FixIt had his first Physical Therapy appointment and it went well. We ran some errands in town and as we got to the turnoff for our road, he reminded me to check the mail. I insisted we already did that on our way into town. He insisted we hadn’t. He was right. I was remembering the day before.

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Each day runs into the next and starts over again. We need a vacation from what seems like an interminable working vacation. Lots of things have changed. By this time of year, we usually have two beach trips under our belts and planning the third. Not this year. Something kept us home in the winter. If we hadn’t been nudged to stay home, we would have been in Florida when Mr. FixIt had his first stroke. Then covid hit and we’ve been stuck. Now...stroke #2. 

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I know going to the beach would do my sweetheart a world of good, but right now we need to figure out what’s causing these strokes so we can nip it in the bud and get on with our fun plans. In the meantime, I have another batch of sourdough bread rising. I’m preparing a batch of yoghurt. And I have blueberries to attend to. Maybe another pie?

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I’m looking at this as another opportunity to depend on God for my needs. All this fun stuff in the kitchen hones my skills, brings good and bountiful food to our larder, and feeds my country heart. It forces me to take a breath, remember what’s important, stop stressing over things in which I have no control. When I reach into the bowl to knead dough wrought from my hands, I say a simple, “Hello, Jesus...let’s spend some time together today while we work this bread.”

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When I get close and personal with Jesus, He reminds me to be patient with my sweetheart. Yes, this affects me...but it’s HIS body that isn’t acting like it’s supposed to and that has to be scary. Jesus reminds me I’m not in control here. He tells me not to worry...He has this under control. He encourages me to lean into Him when I’m frightened and He’ll carry me through it all. Just knead this dough right now. This is all you need to concern yourself with in this moment. 

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This one moment.

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There will always be...something. Something that dares to steal your focus. That threatens to take what’s yours. That shakes you to your core and turns your world upside down. When it’s happening to you, it’s easy to think you’re the only one in the world feeling this. But there are countless others feeling these feelings right now. ESPECIALLY now. The thing I have learned from all of these experiences is this...you can steal everything I have. But, you cannot take my joy...my love...and my faith. 

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These things are forever mine...a gift from a gracious Father.

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❤️

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“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

\nJames 1:17 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-21T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/21/day-every-day-is-groundhog.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grace","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/19/day-what-a-wonderful-world.html", "title": "Day 64: What a Wonderful World", "content_html": "\n
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Yeah...that’s not something you’re liable to hear or feel these days, is it? There’s a lot to take in. Lots going on...outside and inside. Add “your husband’s had another stroke” to an already formidable situation and it’s enough to break you. I’ve vacillated the last 48 hours between numbness and fear to acceptance and peace. Back and forth. Back and forth. It’s like that game we played when we were kids. What was it called? Crack the Whip! The kid on the end usually got creamed. That was me.

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Yesterday kept me busy...one of the granddaughters came over and helped me mow. It was wonderful to not have to do it all myself. Mr. FixIt was really good and didn’t over exert himself which was a great relief. He started using one of our hiking sticks to keep his balance when he walks over uneven ground and that helped a lot. I mean...a hiking stick is cool, right? We went to the Tractor Store and got parts for the old tractor. And, we watched the finale of The Voice.

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Thunderstorm Artis...an up and coming musician in the Final Five, finished the night singing “What a Wonderful World”. I love that song. I needed to hear that tangible reminder of the beauty this world can still deliver on a daily basis. I have been practicing centering myself. One of my readers keeps reminding me of the number one. We can all do just ONE thing. ONE breath. ONE moment. ONE day. By the end of the evening, I was feeling much less overwhelmed by it all.

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We have no control beyond this one moment in time. I can talk, make phone calls, write letters, and vote. But I have no control over who carries an AR-15 into a courthouse or who else wears a mask or when a stroke will happen. What I do have control over is how I respond. 

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Mr. FixIt came into the room last night as I was writing and I had the window wide open. I also had the air conditioner going. I didn’t think about it. I just wanted the window open. In his best dad voice, he said, “Why do you have the window open with the air conditioner running?”

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My reactionary response wasn’t pretty. It was just one more thing I didn’t have control over and it pushed me over the edge for a minute. Then I remembered...ONE.

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I can close the window for ONE hour till the evening cools down. 

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I can sit there for ONE minute and think about how different today could have easily been.

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One of the worst things people can say to the newly bereaved is “at least.....”. “At least he’s in a better place.” “At least she isn’t suffering anymore.” “At least you can have more children.” But, here’s the thing...it’s one of the worst things you can tell yourself, too. Because it’s so dismissive.

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“At least we don’t have it as bad as some people.” 

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That minimizes your pain and hampers your processing. It’s self-shaming for having feelings.

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I hate like HELL that my sweetheart, who I just found like...five minutes ago...had another stroke. I hate that he’s having to go through this

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I hate that we can’t feel free to do what we want.

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I KNOW we don’t have it as bad as some people. But we have THIS. And this ONE minute, I’m sitting with it. 

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It’s ok to feel your feelings.

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Today is a new day. Today we pick things up and we are strong together and we are confident in our love. We have faith in a God that uses all things to prosper us. I will rest and trust in that promise. 

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And...I’ll wait to open the windows wide till AFTER he goes to sleep. However, I WILL make sure the air conditioner isn’t running.

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This really is a wonderful world.

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❤️

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“What a wildly wonderful world, GOD! You made it all, with Wisdom at your side, made earth overflow with your wonderful creations.....”

\nPsalm 104:24 MSG\n
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#Wonderful, #World, #Gratitude

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/19/day-what-a-wonderful-world.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/29/day-new-life-on-the.html", "title": "Day 44: New Life on the Farm", "content_html": "\n
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I woke up yesterday, scrounged around for a clean t-shirt and quickly came to the conclusion it was laundry day. I’ve told you before, I like to do my laundry out at the farm. There are several reasons for that. First, the gas and water are free and who doesn’t like free stuff, right? Second, we have one of those new-fangled washers without an agitator. They are supposed to save power and water but you can only wash a third of the amount at a time, and the cycles last three times as long. So, I can’t figure out how that saves energy. Also, you need a degree in engineering to work the darned thing and no matter how many times Mr. FixIt shows me...I just don’t get it. It’s far easier and less stressful for me to make a bi-monthly pilgrimage out to the farm for a little R&R and laundry time.

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Going out to the farm doesn’t mean I can just throw the laundry in the truck and go. I stay at least one, maybe two or three, nights on this trips and I need stuff. An overnight bag, toiletries, medications, reading material, my iPad-iPhone-Laptop and assorted chargers, my lap desk, my fuzzy blanket that I sleep with, plus the laundry. Then I have to stop at the store on the way to the farm and get food because we don’t keep much out there. It’s quite a chore to make the trek out there and then pack it all up to come back home.

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I was emptying the groceries and assorted items from the truck yesterday when it dawned on me...I forgot the bag of clothes hangers. We partially dry most of our clothes and hang them up to finish to reduce wrinkling and shrinkage. I remembered going into the spare room to get the bag of hangers and somehow got distracted by something and left without it. It wasn’t going to do me much good to do laundry without them. And I hated the idea of driving back home to get them and coming back out to the farm...a total of sixty-six miles. 

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I texted Mr. FixIt with my dilemma. I asked if he would bring the bag of hangers out along with the push mower. The grass was in desperate need of mowing and it will be raining for the next several days. Fortunately, I have a very accommodating husband. He brought my hangers and the mower. We took turns mowing and had it done in about ninety minutes. Then I fixed us a nice early supper. We sat out on the front porch to enjoy our meal while we admired our handiwork. The birds were singing. The mama robin was swooping back and forth gathering worms for her babies nesting in the rhododendron. The creek gurgled softly next to the house.

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Everything is getting green. The wildflowers are starting to bloom. There are Trillium showing their white, three-petalled blossoms on the bank beyond the driveway. Mayapples, violets (Johnny Jump Ups), Bee Balm, Wild Blue Phlox, Snowdrops, White Clover, Dogwood, Redbud...and a variety of flowering shrubs I haven’t identified yet. I did find some of the Carolina Spicebush that I was afraid was lost to the guys who cleared out the creek last year. I’ll get more pictures today, if it isn’t raining too much.

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I do so love it here. When I walked in yesterday, I took a deep breath. I swear...my grandma will live forever in that first breath when I walk in her home. It’s like she is right there in the kitchen, welcoming us in. As I lay here in her bed, propped up on the pillows with the window wide open, I wonder what she would think of the person I’ve become. I am so vastly different than I was when I last saw her in 1998. She didn’t get to see me at my best. She didn’t get to see me as a Christian. I know that would have pleased her to no end. 

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I think she’d be proud of who I am now.

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❤️

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“Wash yourselves; make yourselves clean; remove the evil of your deeds from before my eyes; cease to do evil, learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow’s cause.”

\nIsaiah 1:16-17 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/29/day-new-life-on-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Comfort","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/27/day-developing-faith-in-a.html", "title": "Day 42: Developing Faith in a Camper", "content_html": "\n
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I went into x-ray training straight out of high school. Our first year was spent almost entirely in the classroom with gradual transition to working in the x-ray department. Our second year was almost all hands-on experience. We each had to take turns working in surgery, mostly in orthopedics taking films to see if bones were set and pins were placed correctly. It was fascinating and held my interest far more than high school ever did.

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There was a particular orthopedic surgeon everyone was nervous around. He was big and gruff and his voice boomed around the whole floor. When he told you to jump, you asked him how high on your way up. He had a habit of coming to the little closet where we hand developed his films. If he felt you were taking too long, he kicked hard on the door and scared you half to death.

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One particularly busy day, he came kicking on my door for the last time. I covered the developing tanks and opened the door and said, “What?!” He just stood there staring at me for a second.

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“Where are my films!” His voice bellowed.

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I really was shaking in my boots, but I’d had it up to here with being afraid every day so I put my hand on my hip and said, “Well, come in here and I’ll show you!”

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He walked in, still in his surgical garb and I shut the door behind him.

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As I opened the tanks back up, I explained to him that I could give him fast films or I could give him good films. It all depended on the temperature of the chemicals. Crank up the heat and you could develop those films lickety-split, but they were grainy and had very little definition. 

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When I was finished, I opened the door and handed him the films. I was absolutely sure I would get my can thrown out of school over that one, but from then on, there was a certain respect between us.

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Developing faith is a lot like that. It takes time in a dark room to develop. It’s not like the digital images we great in nanoseconds. It takes work and time. And just like learning to take x-rays, we are tested when we learn to have faith. Those tests aren’t easy. We have to work through them feeling alone and wondering where the teacher is.

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You see, the teacher is silent during the test. It’s meant to be that way so that we can focus. Just because we can’t see the teacher doesn’t mean he isn’t there. He’s always there. 

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These are trying times we are in right now. Hopefully, we are developing in our faith as we spend time in this dark room. Hopefully we are taking advantage of the quiet time during this time of testing. When we develop and grow in our faith, we are given the gift of tools to use when we move on to the next lesson. Faith gets built upon, day by day, year by year. We never stop growing older, so we should never stop growing in our faith, either.

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I spent the majority of the day yesterday out in the camper. We watched online church. Then CBS Sunday Morning. Then I packed up my books and headed out to TOW-Wanda. It rained all day and it was so wonderful to cuddle up on the daybed under a blanket. I have to admit, I mostly stared out the windows as the rain dripped down the glass and tapped on the roof. The creek roared outside the window. I let myself feel soothed by the smells and sounds and comfort I find in my little sanctuary.

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By the end of the afternoon, I was ready to head back inside. Mr. FixIt had fixed a wonderful meal of baked chicken, potatoes, and asparagus. I felt like I’d had a vacation after spending the night and most of the day in the camper. Those quiet times of reflection, prayer, and meditation develop my faith, too.....slowly, quietly, peacefully.

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❤️

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“And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.”

\n1 John 5:14-15 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/27/day-developing-faith-in-a.html", "tags": ["Faith","TOW-Wanda!","Growth","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/25/day-coping-during-corona-through.html", "title": "Day 40: Coping During Corona Through Mental Health Services", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

By now you all know I am no stranger to psychotherapy. And, I have zero interest in hiding the fact that I coped with a serious seven year bout of clinical depression. There were so many intrinsic factors, most of which I don’t go into great detail about merely to protect the privacy of others. Suffice it to say, it was a perfect storm and it wasn’t pretty. It was hard and difficult to work through. I am so grateful that once I found the right therapist for me, the work became easier and affected permanent change.

\n\n\n

That isn’t to say I never needed to see a therapist again. I returned to grief counseling nine months after Mr. Virgo died. I needed EMDR therapy for the PTSD caused by witnessing what my husband went through from the moment he began to have symptoms in a RV dealership parking lot to the prolonged CPR in the ER to the doctor coming out from the cardiac cath lab to say they did everything they could. I saw the grief therapist for about six months before I sold my house and left Colorado.

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I would say I’ve had two...maybe three visits with her since 2014...either in person or over the phone. There is nothing shameful about seeking the help of a mental health professional. It is not a sign of weakness. If anything, it shows remarkable courage to face your inner demons and get some help dealing with whatever it is bothering you. My faith has been the raft that carries me over the waves. My therapy has been the wind God sent to move me forward.

\n\n\n

In the aftermath of coronavirus, we are going to see an epidemic of mental health issues. All of those on the frontline of this pandemic are going to be deeply affected by it...just as the soldiers of any war. The long hours, the many deaths, the fear of contaminating family members...these are all things that will have to be worked through. There will be issues in every aspect of life...from the elderly in nursing homes all the way down to the littles who don’t understand why they can’t see their friends and their mommy cries.

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I read an excellent article last night that talked about mental health services in the time of Corona and how you can reach out and get help even when you are self-isolating. There are numbers and websites and apps that can help connect you with a counselor to help walk you through this.

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It’s ok if you need help. It’s ok if you can’t take it right now. It’s ok if you need to talk to someone with an empathetic and knowledgeable ear. You are not weak. You are not a failure. 

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You are not alone.

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You can read the article HERE.

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❤️

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“The waters closed in over me to take my life; the deep surrounded me; weeds were wrapped about my head at the roots of the mountains. I went down to the land whose bars closed upon me forever; yet you brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God. When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple.”

\nJonah 2:5-7 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/25/day-coping-during-corona-through.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Growth","Comfort","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/14/day-its-ok-to-cry.html", "title": "Day 29: It’s OK to Cry. It’s Also OK Not To", "content_html": "\n
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It’s ok to cry...or not to. Just feel your feels.
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I’ve gone through a lot of therapy in my life. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and the substance abuse of self-medication. I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and the progeny of a dysfunctional alcoholic father. I haven’t always selected the best relationships and I’ve made a thousand and one critical errors of judgement. My life has been messy and I’ve hurt a lot of people along the way. But, I’ve had a boatload of therapy and then I finally listened to the knock on my heart and let Jesus into my life to perform the most amazing miracle in an instant. 

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He made me new.

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That therapy...those long years of prodding and poking the beast within me till I could expose it for what it was gave me the tools that I desperately needed when I lost Mr. Virgo. The tools I learned along the way, and the faith and trust I have in Jesus brought me back into the light and transformed my pain into my purpose.

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I was telling someone the other day, if ever there were anything that could possibly shake twenty years of sobriety, it would be the last couple of months. At first, the coronavirus was something far away and didn’t touch me. It was no different than any other news story viewed with empathy but also a certain...detachment. It didn’t really hit home that it was coming here. I had this false sense of security, as I’m sure many of you felt as well.

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Then, Mr. FixIt had a stroke. Mild, thank God. But... “he’s had a stroke” is NOT what I expected to hear that cold Friday night in February. Thankfully, that didn’t settle in and trigger my PTSD too much. As a matter of fact, I don’t remember much of the first couple of weeks afterward. That’s the nature of our brain...it protects us when it can.

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What I do remember was...sitting together, watching the news. The coronavirus was here. We were transfixed. The threat of a deadly pandemic had a way of minimizing the stroke and changed our focus outward. We watched and watched and watched till we had to stop for our own mental health. 

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Then tornado season is hitting when these poor people are at their lowest. My heart is breaking...all the time.

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I used to cry. A lot. I’d cry at anything...Kleenex commercials, the smell of my baby’s head, a sad movie, the tenderness of falling in love, the aching grief of loss. It occurred to me sometime in all of this...I haven’t cried. Not a break down, ugly cry. Not the sob till you can’t catch your breath kind of cry. It made me think something might be wrong with me.

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Oh, I’ve had moments when a silent tear has slipped down my cheek. When I snuck to the bathroom to throw up while they started the stroke protocol on my husband. When I got him home and finally felt the relief it wasn’t any worse than it was. When the news started showing the hard realities of the pandemic. When my great grandbaby said, “I love you, Gigi” and I couldn’t scoop her up in my arms. When I couldn’t be with my kids and grandkids. Then I saw the potters graves of the unclaimed, unidentified bodies piling up in NYC. 

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What is wrong with me that I am not beating my chest and sobbing?

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It turns out...there’s nothing wrong with me. I know it’s ok to cry. I know it’s healing to release those cleansing hormones. And, I know Who I hand this all over to every night. I know that i can lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross and leave it there and God will carry it for me. It’s like my tattoo reminds me...my burdens are light as a feather because God carries them for me.

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There is nothing wrong with seeking out the help of a mental heath practitioner if you are feeling overwhelmed. Most are offering video conferencing now and that makes them so much more accessible now.

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I learned a lot about crying when I became a widow. Maybe I cried all the tears I had left in those first two or three years. Maybe I just got a heck of a lot stronger or braver or harder from that experience. I don’t know. All I know is, it’s ok if you can’t find the tears to cry right now. These are tough times. It’s just so much easier when you don’t have to carry this burden all by yourself. When things ease up, maybe our tears will come more easily. Till then, may you find some Peace within you.

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❤️

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“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.”

\nPsalm 107:13-16 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/14/day-its-ok-to-cry.html", "tags": ["Faith","Comfort","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/13/day-and-the-gaslighting-begins.html", "title": "Day 28: And the Gaslighting Begins", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Gaslighting...watch for it.
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This is probably going to be the darkest post I’ve ever written to you. It’s dark...but it’s not without hope. It’s not without love or light or promise. It is merely my observation and it has been weighing heavy on my heart the last few days. When something sits in me like that, I know I’m supposed to write about it, so here goes.

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Humans like security. We don’t like change. When change is thrust upon us, we want everything to go back to normal as soon as possible. I learned as a new widow that life will move forward, but it will never be the same. At first, that devastated me. Then time and experience showed me that just because it’s different, doesn’t mean it can’t also be good again.

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I read an article over the weekend about gaslighting and the pandemic. People are going to want the world to go back to the way it was and Madison Avenue has deep pockets. They’re going to start rolling out things that are going to make you doubt what you’ve seen with your own eyes. They’re going to make it look like this virus wasn’t really what you thought it was. They might even pretend it never happened. That it was all faked to scare you. It’s going to make you feel crazy.

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You aren’t crazy.

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Remember what you saw. Remember the pictures and the stories and the pleas for help. Remember that, if the death toll doesn’t add up to the numbers originally predicted, it doesn’t mean the virus was faked or blown out of proportion. It means the steps we took by socially distancing ourselves and using proper hygiene worked. The steps worked.

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It’s easier to believe someone went overboard than it is to believe that a worldwide pandemic brought the world to a standstill. 

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It’s easier to say maybe we misunderstood what someone said than to believe they actually said such frightening things. 

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This is an adjustment phase we are coming into. Another layer of the onion this pandemic has set in our laps. We are going to see things we never dreamed we could possibly see in our country. It’s going to be frightening. It’s going to be confusing. But it doesn’t have to overcome us. 

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Instead of focusing on the unwanted changes, what would happen if we focus on some of the changes we aren’t even looking at. 

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Children are learning that electronics are tools for education instead of mindlessly whiling away hours focused on violent video games.

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Families are gathering around the table every day...teaching, learning, creating, eating, praying.

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We are learning to appreciate what is really important. We are learning new skills. We are getting mom’s old sewing machine out and making masks for people to use when they have to go out. We are teaching children to care for others in the process. 

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We are slowing down and breathing. The environment is recovering. The earth is actually becoming quiet inside...it’s not vibrating like it was with all the heavy manufacturing and traffic. There are places in the world where you can see mountains that haven’t been seen in decades because of pollution. National Parks are closed to traffic so plants and animals will start to recover. Streams will run more pure. 

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Maybe when things open up, more people can work from home and keep the traffic down and give the earth a chance to heal.

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I heard a woman on CBS Sunday Morning yesterday. She said that maybe the NEXT “greatest generation” is being raised now. Maybe they will see what happened and learn better ways of doing things. Maybe they will take the stumbling blocks we have placed before them and turn them into stepping stones. Maybe they will find the cures and the ways of dealing with pandemics that will avoid disasters like this.

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None of these things will happen if we let them downplay the seriousness of the pandemic. We must not forget this, as much as we would like to.

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There are brighter days ahead, I assure you. They will be different, certainly...but they can be good.

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I read this week that Bible sales are skyrocketing. People are praying and meditating and practicing their individual faiths. People who haven’t had any faith are coming to find a faith of their own. For me, my faith is in God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I find great hope and comfort knowing that God never changes. Everything in the world will change. Everything. But God never does and He is with me always. He loves me and wants to prosper me and give me a rich and full life. Does that mean it’s going to be cushy and easy and nothing but a party? Heck no! 

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We have this promise:

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2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

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Stand on this when you see the scary things. Just please...don’t forget they happened. We owe that to the brave souls standing on the front lines. The soldiers in this battle wear scrubs and uniforms, aprons and overalls, blue jeans and sweatpants. They’re nurses and doctors, therapists and technicians, cooks and housekeepers, trash men and sanitary workers, grocers and farmers, teachers and parents.

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Take your fear and turn it into determination. Take your uncertainty and turn it into skills. Take your weary heart and turn it over and trust for better days.

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And...know you are loved beyond measure.

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❤️

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\n

“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

\n2 Timothy 1:7 ESV\n
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Note: This is not a political post, whatsoever. It’s an observation of the human state of being during a time of crisis.

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/13/day-and-the-gaslighting-begins.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Warning"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/12/day-an-easter-well-never.html", "title": "Day 27: An Easter We’ll Never Forget", "content_html": "\n
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This is an Easter we’ll not likely forget.
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I was ten years old when JFK was assassinated and I remember every detail of that day...and the days and weeks after. That event changed my life by taking away the innocent idea that everything is good in the world. Martin Luther King. Bobby Kennedy. The Challenger explosion. 9/11. All monumentally bad things that happened and changed the world in an instant. 

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Life went on after each one, but I’ll bet most of us remember where we were and what we were doing when they happened. The thing the past can teach us is...things change. Things can be really bad. But they’ll be ok again. Albeit a different kind of ok...but ok nonetheless.

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I look back over the Easters in my life. There were a lot of them that didn’t hold any meaning to me other than the Easter Bunny bringing candy and colorful eggs to my kids...even when we were living a Jewish life. Because, in my house, it was ME making the choice to become Jewish and you don’t take Santa and the Easter Bunny away from a five year old. 

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The Easters that had meaning to me during my childhood were when we went to Grandma’s little white church on the hill. We came back to her house and had a big supper and pigged out on candy. I remember one particular Easter, my paternal grandmother baked me a bunny cake that was so clever. And someone made my grandma a sugar egg that you could peek inside and see the Easter Bunny delivering eggs.

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Before Mr. Virgo died, we went to Mass for Easter but he always had to work the holidays, so again...not so memorable.

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It wasn’t till after Mr. Virgo died that I truly started to feel the true meaning of Easter. Good Friday is so somber and solemn and sad. Then Easter bursts forth with Joy at the first rays of morning light. Ever since I found my church home, I have enjoyed Easter Services with my church family and this time it’s different. We have to listen to our pastor online like the majority of others. It’s not the same as being there, but it’s still corporate prayer.

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Easter has never changed. Whether we are in a building or not...THAT is not the church. WE are the church. Wherever two or more of you are gathered in His Name...there is love. If you are isolated and alone during this time...remember, you have the Holy Spirit dwelling within you so you are never truly alone. That was one of the biggest comforts to me when I became a widow.

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Yes...this is an Easter we will never forget. It’s a story we will share till the day we die. Things may seem dismal in the world. But Jesus overcame the world. It in with Him that I find my deepest Joy...even in the darkest of moments.

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May you all have a Blessed Easter. May you connect with loved ones on this day. And, may you find the peace that surpasses all understanding.

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He is Risen!

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❤️?❤️

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“Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance.”

\nJohn 20:1 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/12/day-an-easter-well-never.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Gratitude","Grace","God","Holiday","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/07/day-i-took-a-little.html", "title": "Day 22: I Took a Little Break...Stay and Pray", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
The view from my grandparents’ bedroom has always brought me such peace. I always feel safe here.
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I had to be up bright and early yesterday to take the truck into the body shop to fix the damage from the rebar I ran over a couple of weeks ago. Could it have waited? Yes. But there was very minimal contact with others in the interaction. I wore a mask, spoke to one man in the body shop...at a distance. Handed over the key and declined his offer to wait inside for the Enterprise guy to bring my vehicle. When the car arrived, I sat in my truck and the agent stood six feet away and asked questions. I handed him my ID and credit card wrapped in a disinfecting wipe...for his protection. I received it back in a different wrap for mine. It was all done in five minutes.

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I took my container of wipes and went over every surface of that car that I am likely to touch, although I could see from the streaks left behind that it had been cleaned before. When I was satisfied, I got in and left. I checked my mail and went through the drive thru for a bag of pepperoni rolls because one must have pepperoni rolls when facing the worst week of a pandemic, right? The package got wiped down as well.

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My laundry was still in the truck from my ill-fated trip to the farm last Sunday when the hillside was on fire, so I made plans to head out there after getting the rental car. I arrived in late morning and the sun was sparkling on all the lovely green grass and flowering shrubs. I hauled in my laundry and got it started. As the first load was in, I crawled into the bed my grandparents slept in. I pulled the covers up under my chin and stared out the window at the massive flowering quince along the creek bank.

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My mind, like most of yours I’m sure, has been a whirlwind these last few weeks. Between prayers for my family, friends, readers, and public at large and keeping inventory of where I’ve been, how many times I’ve washed my hands, and if I’ve touched my face...I’ve been...what? Teetering? No, that’s not it. Worried? Yeah, who isn’t? Overwhelmed? Surprisingly, no. Actually I’ve been running steady like a little two-stroke engine pulling a grist mill. Humming right along, but bound to run out of gas soon or later.

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I decided to take a preemptive break BEFORE I ran out of gas. This is a good mental health strategy that I learned along some of the rockiest paths I’ve been on in this life. And, I can’t think of anyplace in the world that gives me more comfort than being at the farm by myself for a day or two. It even beats being in my camper...and you KNOW how much I love that!

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As I watched the flowery branches of the quince sway to and fro in the breeze, a Yellow Eastern Tiger Swallowtail butterfly landed here and there, sucking up the sweet nectar. It made me smile. I took a deep breath through my nose and smelled flowers and moss and wet leaves in the woods. I smelled “grandma’s house”...a pleasing mixture of old wood, old fabrics, old books. I wish I could bottle that and keep it. Or make candles with that special scent. The birds were calling and I saw the blue heron that frequents the creek across the road as it slowly beat its wings up the holler.

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I drifted off into a deep sleep and when I woke up, I vowed I would not watch the news on this beautiful day. I know what is happening. Instead, I prayed for them all. Those being left at the door of the hospital. Those being left behind when they don’t return. I cannot change what is happening right now. I cannot do anything more than what I am currently doing....wiping, washing, and waiting. Weeping more doesn’t help.

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A high school friend lost her husband during the night. It was not unexpected. It was not coronavirus. It was cancer. Death doesn’t wait for anything or anyone. That death hurts, too. Because that’s the one we knew was coming and couldn’t stop it. This pandemic has changed how we grieve. We will continue to find all the ways it has changed us as we go along, but my heart breaks for the newly bereaved in this time without hugs.

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❤️

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“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

\nPsalms 34:18 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/07/day-i-took-a-little.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Comfort","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/06/day-three-weeks-downhow-many.html", "title": "Day 21: Three Weeks Down...How Many More?", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Here’s a sweet idea for a craft to do with the kids while we are sheltering at home. I can see presents for the grandparents here.
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I was thinking about the shutdown this weekend and wondered how people would have reacted if, from the get-go, we were told...”Ok, y’all need to go home and stay home. The only places you can go is the grocery store, the pharmacy, the gas station, and the doctor or hospital...period! You can help a senior or a debilitated family member, but everything else is shut down...like, NOW!”

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Can you imagine the rebellion and chaos? Thank God it didn’t come that way, because this way is bad enough. We did great this week. We did go to the nursery to buy our tomato plants and picked up a pizza, but we stayed out of stores. It’s going to be even more important to do that in the next two weeks as we near the peak. 

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I don’t think the “official numbers” of coronavirus cases being reported, in this country especially, is anywhere near accurate. I talked with friends this weekend who are doctors. They said they had patients who clearly had the symptoms, but you have to call the DHHR, give them the info, and THEY make the determination whether the patient gets the test. We were woefully underprepared for this crisis, but hopefully this will be a lesson and we can learn and grow from it for the next time a pandemic comes.

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Let’s just continue to do our best, to hope and pray that we get through this with the fewest deaths possible, and we can live to fight another day. There are so many things that need to change in our immediate future, and I will do my best to help wherever I can. I have country living skills that I can share with others. I vow to teach the young people in my family what they need to know to thrive in hard times.

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My phone rang yesterday and it was a group of girlfriends from high school calling with a surprise group video chat. What a treat! It was wonderful to see each other and lift each other up on a sunny Palm Sunday. It did our hearts good.

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I have no idea how much longer we’ll be sheltering at home. Last night after supper, Mr. FixIt and I went for a walk out our country lane. We passed a neighbor and her littles out for a walk to check the mail. I asked if they were the ones who left that lovely container of homemade cookies on our stoop at Christmas. The mama smiled and nodded her head. She pointed to the two older girls...maybe five and seven years old. I told them what a great job they did and that their cookies were delicious. Those little girls beamed!

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How are you all doing with meal prep? Are you tired of cooking? Have you come up with innovative ways to prepare the same thing over and over? I made spaghetti last night but I was out of fresh mushrooms. I used canned mushrooms and I really thought the sauce was awful. Mr. FixIt loved it, but I thought it was bland and too soupy. But, as my grandma used to say...”It’ll be et!” Food was never wasted at Grandma’s house, and it won’t be wasted at mine, either.

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So, it’s Monday. It may be a bumpy ride this week. Do what you need to do to get by, but be safe. Try not to watch the news too much. We will get through this.

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❤️

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\n

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;”

\n2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/06/day-three-weeks-downhow-many.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/30/day-when-times-are-hard.html", "title": "Day 14: When Times are Hard", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“This brush fire was alarming when it was only a couple of miles from the farm.”
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When times are hard, the little extra things that come along can really add up and become overwhelming if you aren’t careful. Some days are just out of control. Actually...they all are lately. But yesterday was a winner. We had a great day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, it was warm enough to have the windows open to air out the house. Then, about 3:00 in the afternoon, the power went out. It was a really windy day and this often happens at this time of year in the country. A tree comes down on a power line, and depending on where it is, it may or may not be an easy fix.

\n\n\n

Mr. FixIt decided to go out and mow since our binge-watching of West Wing was interrupted. I decided to gather up my laundry and head out to the farm. When I pulled off the main road onto our little country lane, I smelled smoke. Not half a mile in, there was a column of white smoke and several firefighters and local people were working on a brush fire. A tree had come down and knocked a live wire down into the fallen leaves. The entire hillside was in flames and my cousin’s wife had a generator in the back of her truck running a pump to get water up from the creek.

\n\n\n

We’re really out in the boonies there. We don’t have city water out that road so there’s no fire hydrants. Most houses that catch fire just burn to the ground. While this fire wasn’t immediately threatening any structures, there were some not terribly far away. The farm is another two miles down the road so I’m certain there is no danger there. 

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Needless to say, when I got to the farm, there was no electric. I called to check on an elderly neighbor down the road. I called my uncle to let him know about the fire but that I didn’t feel there was a threat to the house. And then I called Mr. FixIt to tell him I was just going to turn around and come home.

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When I got back down the road to where the fire was, a fire truck was now parked across both lanes and I couldn’t get through. I don’t think they would have let me through anyway because now the fire was down at the edge of the road and the little valley was filled with thick, white smoke. I took a few pictures and headed back out the road to go the long way around.

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I thought I would stop in the little town near the Ponderosa and pick up a gallon of milk but the power was still off and all three stores were closed. I got home and Mr. FixIt was almost finished with half the mowing. He asked if I wanted to take over and I jumped on the tractor for my first mow of the season. The weather was perfect and I got as much mowed as I could before dark. 

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Mr. FixIt ran an extension cord from the generator into the house so I could have a lamp in the kitchen. I didn’t want to have the refrigerator door open very long so I grabbed half a kielbasa, an onion, and a can of sliced potatoes. I chopped the onion, sliced the sausage, and added the potatoes to a skillet with a little butter in it and fried it all together. In five minutes we had a quick meal from stuff we had on hand...and it was so yummy!

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We moved the lamp to the living room and I headed to the bedroom to write. I can’t hear the frogs over the generator. Actually, there’s not a more annoying sound than a generator running as far as I’m concerned. But it was music to my ears when I think of so many who don’t have that luxury. I’ll wear my earplugs and call it good.

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It’s just another thing. A small inconvenience. Maybe it was God’s way of saying...”Get outside and away from the television and the news!”

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;”

\n2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-30T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/30/day-when-times-are-hard.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/29/day-say-his-namenot-in.html", "title": "Day 13: Say His Name...Not in Vain", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Sometimes a verse suddenly takes on new meaning.
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I was reading my devotional yesterday morning. I have to admit, I haven’t been as focused on my Bible reading as I should be as my attention is being drawn in every different direction. Now, more than at any other time...NOW is the most important time to sit with God and have those deep conversations that can bring such peace to a weary heart. So, I’m trying harder to corral my wandering ADD spirit and rein it back in.

\n\n\n

Yesterday’s devotion focused on Exodus 20:7...

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\n

“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.”

\nExodus 20:7 ESV\n
\n\n\n

If your grandma was like my grandma, you remember what happened if the exclamation “Oh, my God!” slipped out. You might have found yourself with a sliver of soap in your mouth or a swat on the behind...or worse, the shame of disappointing your favorite champion. 

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As I got older and thought I was oh-so-wise, I drifted away from that fuddy-duddy old church because I thought I knew better than they did. I was crude and crass and ugly in many, many ways. And OMG slipped out as easily as far too many other epithets. My ears burn when I think of the things my children heard coming out of my mouth. Eventually, I woke up and got it together. But I still relate Exodus 20:7 to using the Lord’s name to swear. That is, until I read my devotional yesterday morning.

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Isn’t it wonderful when you read a verse you’ve read a hundred times and it suddenly means something completely different? 

\n\n\n

The premise is this:

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When we become a Christian, we take on God’s name and wear it as our identity. If we do not “walk the talk”, our behavior doesn’t reflect what we are proclaiming with our mouths. In this way, we take the name of the Lord in vain because we aren’t being honest...with Him, with each other, and with ourselves. I found that to be an interesting perspective and thought I would share it with you today.

\n\n\n

Church is still online. I read something the other day that said this time of working remotely may change the way we do business in the future. We used to think going to the office was the best way. But maybe it isn’t. Maybe if more people can work remotely, pollution can be cut down which would positively impact our environment. I don’t know about teaching at home...especially for young children. Learning socialization skills is just as important as math and spelling.

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One thing that won’t be replaced is gathering together in places of worship. I’ve enjoyed hearing my pastor online, but it just cannot replace the community bond of corporate worship. We will continue to learn and grow and evaluate what changes we can make in our way of life that will better the world. There will always be resistance to change, but change can be for our own as well as the greater good.

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❤️

\n\n\n
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“Who can discern his errors? Declare me innocent from hidden faults.”

\nPsalms 19:12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/29/day-say-his-namenot-in.html", "tags": ["Faith","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/28/day-when-it-rains-it.html", "title": "Day 12: When it Rains, it Rains and Rains and Rains!", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
A raised bed garden is easier on your back and keeps the veggies away from rabbits, etc.
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We are heading into what is one of the wettest times of the year in West Virginia. At the same time, the temperature is beginning to rise and that combo is what wakes up the grass and gets it growing. Every spring there are funny memes of people trying to mow the lawn in scuba gear. Sometimes it’s hard to get the garden plowed if you didn’t jump on it in early March. Then you have to wait for it to dry so you can plant. I’m not complaining, mind you. At least we aren’t planning to have more snow or hard freezes at this point like what I was used to in Colorado.

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With the pandemic, and the resultant shock waves going through the economy, it looks like we may be staying put here for a while. If I am anything, it’s flexible. And Lord knows we are all going to need to embrace that trait in the foreseeable future. We are blessed with a home and land and safety. There’s no need to rush into anything right now. Besides, that will take the pressure off and we can take our time fixing this place up.

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With all that in mind, Mr. FixIt and I have been talking about having a bigger garden here at The Ponderosa. I’m picking up a case of canning jars every time I go to the store. I bought a new gasket (plus a spare) for the pressure canner. One of the problems with growing a garden in the country is the wildlife that stand around waiting for the salad bar to open. We have tons of rabbits and they eat my green beans every year. We also have deer. In the past, Mr. FixIt grew a big garden here and used an electric fence to keep the deer out. I’ve been looking at a setup like the one pictured above...at least for the salad stuff that the rabbits get into. I don’t know how big we’ll actually go, but I really like the idea of the raised beds. It’s better on your back.

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A couple of years ago, we bought a shaded gazebo for the deck by the pool. We didn’t put it up last summer because we thought we would be pushing to get the house on the market and wanted to save it for the new house. Since that isn’t happening right away, I think we’ll go ahead and do that when the weather clears up a bit. There’s still the bathroom to finish. And the drain at the bottom of the outdoor stairwell to enlarge and install a sump pump. And then the second bathroom and the wallpaper in the dining room needs to come off. The list goes on and on. I’m hoping when the pandemic eases and gathering restrictions are lifted, we can get the boys out here to help us get some of these big jobs completed. 

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As I sit here in our home, safe and secure, and for all I know...healthy and virus free...I count my many blessings. As of this writing, no one I know is affected by the virus itself...just the inconvenience of isolation. I’ve been video chatting with the family. I pray a lot...every day. I limit myself to NBC Nightly News with Lester Holt...thirty minutes with an uplifting story at the end. It’s all I can take. 

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The other night, when I was admittedly overdosing on news and watching every update, I was sitting here writing my post and all of a sudden, I just went numb. My hearing was muffled. My skin was tingling. My heart was pounding. I wasn’t necessarily frightened. I didn’t feel the surge of adrenalin like I usually feel if I’m having an anxiety reaction or panic attack. I felt detached...like a casual observer. My inner spirit told me what was happening. I was overwhelmed. I was grieving. I’ve been passively watching life as we’ve known it fall apart and it felt way too familiar. I closed my eyes and leaned back and listened to my body cry out to me for mercy. So, I talked back. I soothed my fear. I reminded myself that God is still here...He is always here. I concentrated on my breathing and feeling the air as it moved in and out of my nostrils. I reminded myself I was safe here. Nothing was happening to me in this moment. Mr. FixIt was safe, too. I reminded myself that, even though there are so many things going on right now that are out of my control, there are still many things I can do to feel more at ease. 

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When people tell you to just count your blessings, they aren’t necessarily trying to be dismissive of your fear. I have found the action of actually counting my blessing to be soothing. Directing your thoughts to something in the here and now can get you off the runaway train of fear. Looking around the room and naming five things. Closing your eyes and counting five sounds...five smells...five textures can bring you down off the ledge of anxiety. As I went through this exercise, I could feel the numbness leave and my heart rate slowed down. My hearing came back clear and I was fine. 

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I may have to talk myself down off the ledge any number of times in the coming weeks. I don’t know. What I do know is...we are ok. We are safe. We are here. And, we are planning a garden for when the brighter days come.

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❤️

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\n

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.”

\nIsaiah 43:2 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/28/day-when-it-rains-it.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Humbled","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/25/day-kindness-changes-everything.html", "title": "Day 9: Kindness Changes Everything", "content_html": "\n
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Take a deep breath and be kind to each other.
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If there was ever a time to be kind, it is now. Under normal, everyday circumstances the emotional climate would be highly individualized. These people happy, these people sad. These people stressed, these people relaxed. There would be clusters of people sharing the same emotions surrounding a particular event like a wedding, a death, a concert, a family gathering. Never in our lifetime has there been such a global group of people sharing the same emotional event at the same time. For those of us who can easily pick up on the vibes of others, this feels like having your brain in a frying pan set on high. Those of us who have gone through it know this feeling. It has a name. Grief.

\n\n\n

Needless to say, everyone is living with a heightened set of emotions. We are all experiencing grief in a collective way. Whether you are fearful, anxious, filled with dread. Or resolved, determined, keeping calm and carrying on. All of these states of being are emotionally taxing and make burnout a very real possibility. This elevation of being can make us respond and relate in ways that are totally unexpected and unlike the person we really are.

\n\n\n

That’s why we saw people getting in fights over toilet paper last week. It was crazy to us...but it was perfectly rational to those people who were in the moment. I think we all need to step back  and breathe a little. Do a little meditation. Do a little yoga. Say a little prayer. Light a candle. Take a bubble bath. Drink a nice cup of tea. Go for a walk. I know I’m being repetitive here and I’ve said these things before, but I can’t reiterate enough how important it is to practice self care when you grieve.

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If we burn ourselves out now, we aren’t going to have the energy to fight anything that’s coming our way. We need to be our healthiest selves. We need to focus on eating good, immune boosting foods. We need to avoid lots of empty calories like sugar and alcohol. We need to resist the temptation to zone out till it all passes over...immersed in junk TV and junkier food.

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Above all, we need to practice kindness...to each other, and to ourselves. Kindness goes a long way toward soothing ragged nerves. West Virginia’s numbers doubled yesterday. And there’s a case in Wood County now, so it’s here. My stepson calls us every day to check in. He’ll pick up whatever we need and bring it out to us. We have two medical appointments...one tomorrow, one Thursday...and then we are home for a solid week. We are taking every precaution.

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I find I’m not accomplishing what I thought I would do. I have yet to start stripping the wallpaper in the dining room. I haven’t started sorting through papers or getting rid of junk. I’ve been binge-watching West Wing with Mr. FixIt and staying to maintain social distance from the refrigerator. I resisted baking again today, but we have some rapidly browning bananas so I’m going to be forced to do something with them because I don’t want them to go to waste.

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Here’s your helpful hint for today:

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Just because the IRS has postponed the filing date to July 15th for federal taxes does not necessarily mean your state has followed suit. As a matter of fact, there are very few states that have. As of this writing, West Virginia has maintained April 15th. Since we have to file state, we might as well file federal at the same time. It’s my goal to get that done next week.

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Here is a link to TurboTax with an explanation.

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Hang in there, dear ones. It’s about to get bumpy...but we can get through this. Whatever your faith or inclination...be it prayer or good thoughts or positive energy...keep sending it. We need all the help we can get!

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❤️

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“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”

\nRomans 12:12 ESV\n
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#Hope, #Trials, #COVID19

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/25/day-kindness-changes-everything.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/24/day-this-little-piggy-stayed.html", "title": "Day 8: This Little Piggy Stayed Home", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Be like this little piggy and stay home!
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We had to go out again yesterday...this time to a doctor visit. The news was good...Mr. FixIt has a heart! And it’s in pretty good shape for a guy his age. After Losing Mr. Virgo to a sudden heart attack, and then Mr. FixIt had the stroke...I pretty much insisted they do a cardiac work up. We are breathing an even bigger sigh of relief over here.

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The governor of West Virginia ordered us to “stay-at-home” beginning this evening. Except for the doctor, the emergency room, the grocery or pharmacy, gas stations, construction stores...you know, all the places we normally gone anyway. He even said it was fine to go to the state parks and go fishing! Other than restaurants, not much has changed as far as where we are allowed to go. What HAS changed is the going. 

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I was thinking about this yesterday. What is it about being told to do something, like stay at home, and the only thing in the whole wide world you want to do is NOT stay at home. BUT...have a busy week of running errands and having appointments and the only thing you want is to just have a day at home with no trips to town. It’s crazy. It’s like being told to take a nap as a toddler. Now I’d give up a lot just to take a nap!

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Governors are resorting to this extra measure because just telling people to stay home wasn’t working. Because there’s an inordinate amount of people who think rules don’t apply to them. They are merely suggestions...more like guidelines, really. They say you can get a ticket if you’re out and about but I ask you, what good would that do when all you have to say is -I’m going to the grocery store-?

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Daughter #2 is an anxious sort. She is so much like her mama in so many ways. I wish I could have given my kids anything but anxiety and depression. It is what it is. She called last evening and I recognized that quivering “I’m fine” tone of voice. So, I talked her down off the ledge and she felt stronger and more in control by the time we rang off. We talked about everything...from ways to conserve toilet paper to what was the name of that book you were telling me about. 

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We talked about making plans and writing them down. What do you want to accomplish this week? This month? Six months? A year? She wants to be more self-sufficient so she doesn’t have to worry so much. Good. Check with the City of Denver...can you have chickens? Look for used pallets you can turn into a chicken coop. You want a garden? Great! Start planting seeds in peat pots so you’ll have seedlings to plant when the weather warms up. Mark out where you want a garden and get your exercise spading it up.

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We have to be proactive regarding our mental health during crises such as this. Just because we need to stay at home doesn’t mean we need to stay inside 24/7. Even if you only walk around your house or your building or down your block and back, getting some fresh air in the middle of the day does wonders for your spirits. Build a routine. Set your clock for mental health breaks. Drink a cup of soothing herbal tea. Play some music and sing along. Take a bubble bath. Draw a picture. If you sew, look up how to make masks for people since there is a critical shortage. 

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You might want to practice a little social distancing from your refrigerator. Packing on a few pounds during this quarantine won’t help your health and you certainly won’t feel better. Try on a pair of jeans every few days to make sure they fit. As my dear friend Deneene says, sweats or pajama pants will trick you into believing all is well in the kingdom. I was going to make an apple pie last night, but then I decided not to. We had already had two pies in the last ten days. I’ve been losing weight and I don’t want to put it back on. We can have treats...just once or twice a week, not every day.

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Humans are a resourceful lot. We can figure out other ways to do things. We can make something out of nothing. We can recycle, reuse, repurpose just about anything. We’ve become pretty complacent in this life. I know I have. But, my years of reading Mother Earth News and the Encyclopedia of Country Living have been preparing me for a moment such as this. Some of us may not get through this. Those of us that do must take it upon themselves to apply the lessons learned so that we might not be caught so flat-footed next time. When I meditated on this last night, a thought came to me.

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My friend Uma Girish was preparing to facilitate a group call when she asked her inner guidance what she should share. This is what she received:

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“The virus is not the enemy. The virus is The Messenger.”

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Yes...the virus can be horrifying. Yes...people can and will die. But it brings us a message...loud and clear. 

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Raise your head and look beyond where you stand so you might better prepare for what is coming.

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Remember what is really important in this life. 

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Look at what we are doing to our world...to the environment. We are slowly killing it and now...it is rapidly attacking us.

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For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Cause and effect. I don’t think it’s too late, but we’re going to have to make some big changes and we all know...while change is good, it is not always easy. Change, we must. We have no other choice now.

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Maybe God’s just putting us in a time out so we can think about what we have done to the garden He gave us.

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❤️

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“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

\nPhilippians 2:4 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/24/day-this-little-piggy-stayed.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/23/day-creative-social-distancing.html", "title": "Day 7: Creative Social Distancing", "content_html": "\n
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The flowering quince and forsythia are blooming outside our bedroom window. Mother Nature once again demonstrates life comes back.
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Ok, we have been practicing social distancing for a week now. Well, actually...it’s been a month since Mr. FixIt’s stroke and we haven’t spent more than a couple of hours apart in that entire time. That’s ok...I am happy to be here for my sweetheart and take care of him to the best of my ability. I love him to the moon and back. AND...we get very close to standing on each other’s last nerve sometimes. Perfectly normal under normal circumstances. These are anything BUT normal circumstances!

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We still have lots of doctor appointments and are considering our options as far as postponing. Some we may, some we really should not. However, we may have our dilemma decided for us if the offices call and cancel themselves. In the meantime, I’m going to get outside this week and clean out the camper so that I will have my little sanctuary to escape to. Also, if my Colorado girls have to bug out and come someplace safe where they can live off the land and be self sufficient, we may need the camper as alternative housing during this social isolation. We’re just keeping our options open.

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This has truly been the weirdest week of my life...of all of our lives, I imagine. It’s like waking up in a George Orwell novel. I’ve been collecting little nuggets of wisdom.

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Use plastic grocery sacks or doggy poop bags as “gloves” for opening door handles, handling money, and pumping gas leaving gloves for healthcare workers. 

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Try to avoid buying up the WIC items when shopping so that moms on WIC don’t have to go home empty handed. They cannot use their WIC coupons for anything but WIC items. Maybe they’ll change that temporarily, I don’t know.

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Sing the Doxology as you wash your hands...it’s 20 seconds and you’ve praised God at the same time.

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Have “the talk” with your loved ones about what you would want done should the unthinkable happen. It is not morbid...it is an act of love. Tell three people, and tell them who the other two are and that they should communicate in the event you become seriously ill.

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Spend this time organizing your papers. Write things down...passwords, account numbers, important information. Write letters to your loved ones and stick them in a desk drawer.

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I’ll write more as I think of them or run across hints that are helpful. In the meantime, Mother Nature is showing us that life does return. It is a promise.

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Today’s Question:

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Are you eating comfort food or trying to maintain a healthy diet?

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.\"”

\nJohn 16:33 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/23/day-creative-social-distancing.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/22/day-seeking-comfort-in-an.html", "title": "Day 6: Seeking Comfort in an Uncomfortable Time", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Oatmeal is definitely a comfort food that’s good for you!
\n\n\n

Mr. FixIt and I have a kind of rhythm. While I do most of the meal prep, we seem to take turns making breakfast. I’m the eggs and pancakes gal. He’s the maker of oats. Ohhhh, he makes the BEST oatmeal. We only use old fashioned rolled oats by Quaker. I like some chewy in my oats...not wallpaper paste. He uses a lite version of brown sugar that either has Splenda or Stevia in it...I can’t remember. He adds some cinnamon. Then, when we dish it up, we add whatever berries we have handy and a small handful of crushed pecans or walnuts. His gets a splash of 2% milk...mine gets a little bit of Half & Half. Perfection!

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Comfort food is a go to when times are stressful. Currently we are eating our way through that blackberry pie I baked Friday night. We had pizza for dinner. We cannot do that all the time...but at the end of a long week that lasted a year, we deserved an indulgence. Without guilt.

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We went to town yesterday to top off the gas tank on one of the trucks and to fill all our gas cans. West Virginia now has twelve confirmed cases of coronavirus...the nearest is one county over. Our governor came on last night to urge us to take action right now and ALL of us stay home. So many people aren’t taking this seriously and they only need to see Washington, New York, and Italy to see what can happen if you are not proactive.

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One of the problems in rural areas is a general distrust of government. “Revenuers” were busting up stills in these hills long before I was born. Mountaineers are fiercely independent and don’t cotton to people telling them what to do. The fella who stopped to help get the tire off the truck the other day was a perfect example. I told him I’d shake his hand but I couldn’t because of social distancing and he rattled off a profanity laced diatribe about not being worried about any virus coming to get him. We just shook our heads as he drove off with his 24 pack of Bud.

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We’ve decided to binge watch West Wing during our TV time instead of watching the news. I watch West Wing every election year. It’s comforting to know how it’s going to turn out. I love the cast and characters. And in the entire series, there was only one episode I don’t care to watch. That’s the one where the characters are being filmed as a documentary. I skip that one every time and I’ve binge watched the entire series at least 5 times.

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Today’s Question:

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What are you doing to combat boredom?

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Be safe, dear ones.

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❤️

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“But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”

\n1 John 3:17-18 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-22T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/22/day-seeking-comfort-in-an.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","West Virginia","Comfort","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/20/day-four-holy-catsits-feel.html", "title": "Day Four: Holy Cats...It’s Feel Good Friday!!!", "content_html": "\n
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You can’t hide from “Feel Good Friday!”
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One of the benefits of living in West Virginia is the rural nature of things makes social distancing pretty easy. After all...it’s what we’ve done for generations. It isn’t a big stretch for Mr. FixIt and me to hang around The Ponderosa or The Farm, but we do normally take several trips a week into town. We decided yesterday, the biggest change we’ve seen in our lives is not getting to dine out. I didn’t realize how often we eat meals away from home till that little luxury was taken away.

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We had to make a trip to town yesterday. We got the estimate on the damage to the truck...to the tune of $3,000! Yikes! Thank God for insurance. Mr. FixIt had a doctor’s appointment. I was not allowed back with him. Have you ever accompanied a man to the doctor?

\n\n\n

“So, how are things going?”

\n\n\n

“Good.”

\n\n\n

“Are you having any problems?”

\n\n\n

“No, not really.”

\n\n\n

“How’s that back pain?”

\n\n\n

“About the same.”

\n\n\n

“Is that new medicine I gave you last time helping.”

\n\n\n

“I think so.”

\n\n\n

“Any questions?”

\n\n\n

“Nope.”

\n\n\n

“Ok, then...you’re looking great! Let’s see you back in about three months.”

\n\n\n

“Ok.”

\n\n\n

?‍♀️

\n\n\n

When Lorie told me I had to stay in the waiting room, I looked at Mr. FixIt and narrowed my eyes.

\n\n\n

“You’d darn well better tell him everything!”

\n\n\n

He’s a good listener...he was in there forever. And he came out and addressed every single thing I would have wanted checked.

\n\n\n

What’s the message here? Oh...that he’s a grown man and can take care of himself in his appointments? Of course he can. Sheesh. But, that being said, men...no matter how diligent they are...sometimes forget the details of the conversation. Or they don’t quite grasp the subtle nuances of a new medication direction. Having a second set of ears helps tremendously, especially when they belong to someone who loves you. I also have the experience of sitting with Mr. Virgo and having him say no to every test our doctor wanted him to have and he was dead five months later. So, yeah...there’s that.

\n\n\n

We went to Walmart to pick up some prescriptions and bought a new tire for the truck. It wasn’t very crowded and everyone was practicing social distancing. We didn’t hang around long though and we hightailed it back home where I prepared a sumptuous dinner of steak, broccoli, and baked potato.

\n\n\n

There is always something to feel good about. For instance, yesterday Lester Holt told us to leave those boxes from Amazon outside for 24 hours because the virus can’t live that long on cardboard. He also said to wear gloves when you open the boxes because many of the products come from China. Why do I feel good about this? Well, I’ve been trying to cut down on my online (sometimes comfort) shopping and this is the perfect time. We can free up all those workers in the Amazon warehouses to focus on getting medical goods and critical supplies shipped and not have to worry about my books or batteries or what have you. And, I’ll be saving more money and who doesn’t need to be doing more of THAT right about now, am I right?

\n\n\n

Another feel good thing...people are talking nicer to each other. At least, that’s been my experience these last few weeks. We are finally getting back a little of that “we’re all in this thing together” vibe and I don’t think it’s humanly possible to have my fill of that! Letting people in line in front of you. Standing back and letting someone have the first choice of a piece of meat...even if that means you don’t get the one you had your eye on. Texts and phone calls and “I love you’s”...these are the sweet sounds of compassion I’ve been yearning for so desperately the last few years. 

\n\n\n

I was telling someone yesterday that I listened to NY’s Governor Cuomo address the coronavirus on TV and he spoke so kindly. He was efficient and honest and came across as trustworthy and compassionate. When he spoke...even without listening to what he was saying...his voice was soothing, calming. He told folksy stories as a way to humanize this pandemic and allay our fears. I seriously felt my emotions well up in my chest and the sting of tears as I realized...we don’t hear enough of that. And we’re getting beat down because of it. Let’s not wait for the powers that be to be kind and compassionate. Let’s take the bull by the horns and do that ourselves. 

\n\n\n

This is exactly how we make THE WORLD great again. Because, all we’ve got is God and each other. And dogs. We’ve got dogs. Oh, and cats, and birds, and.......

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

\nProverbs 17:17 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-20T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/20/day-four-holy-catsits-feel.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Courage","Choices","Feel Good Friday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/18/keeping-our-distance-day.html", "title": "Keeping our Distance: Day 2", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
This is a time to look out for one another.
\n\n\n

Honestly, our life here at The Ponderosa BCV (before Coronavirus) and ACV (after Coronavirus) isn’t that much different. That’s mainly because we are retired. I think we are affected more by Mr. FixIt’s continued recovery from his stroke than we are the global pandemic. We have been taking turns making breakfast. (He makes the BEST oats!)

\n\n\n

Up until late afternoon, West Virginia was official the only state without a confirmed case of COVID-19. Governor Justice announce there has been on confirmed case over in the Eastern Panhandle. However, I have a friend from high school...a retired nurse. She says her son and daughter-in-law tested positive last week in Morgantown and it was never reported. So, who knows what’s really going on.

\n\n\n

West Virginia runs 50th in so many things, it looks like we are running 50th in the number of tests being performed as well. You know it has to be here. All we can to is practice good hygiene and social distancing. 

\n\n\n

The garage called today and my truck was ready so we went to pick it up. While it took the guy a week-and-a-half to finish, it cost a third of what it would have at the dealership. 

\n\n\n

We watched the news together, but only to hear if there are more directives. I baked a pie with some blackberries from the freezer and made a casserole of pork roast, veggies and noodles. We are determined to eat through all the fresh stuff before it goes bad so we don’t waste a thing. 

\n\n\n

After dessert, I excused myself to write my post. I sat and thought about what we should talk about tonight. Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. Mr. Virgo loved St. Patrick’s Day. Just about every year, I had to go buy green food coloring at the last minute so the bar could serve green beer. These memories make me smile. However, Mr. Virgo was buried the day before St. Patrick’s Day. And that always makes me think. 

\n\n\n

He warned me before he died that bad things were going to start happening in this country. Things with politics, finances, and health. He said it felt like a rubber band was drawing too tight or like a balloon being overfilled. I don’t know if he had a premonition, or if it was just his love of history and world events that spurred him, but he was constantly telling me to be prepared.

\n\n\n

I wanted to believe him, but it seemed so fantastical at the time. Still, his warnings have never left me and I do find myself more prepared than I might have been before. I have friends who have lost spouses in the last year....two in the last week. When I think back over the months after losing Mr. Virgo...it was so terribly difficult to cope. And that was in a stable world. I cannot imagine what these people are going through without their person. To try to navigate this AND actively grieve is an unbearable thought. 

\n\n\n

It doesn’t just take a death to trigger grief. You may be grieving the loss of security the COVID-19 virus is bringing to our lives. When things happen beyond our control, it can trigger grief reactions and PTSD. When I begin to feel frightened, I change my focus back to God and remind myself...no matter what happens here, He will never leave me. Even with that, I walk around with a little knot in the pit of my stomach. I take all the unknowns that I have no control over and put them in the God box and set outside the front door.

\n\n\n

All in all, we are doing just fine. We’re just taking it one day at a time.

\n\n\n

So, how are things with you in your world. Are you feeling ok? What are you doing with your time? How have things changed for you in the last couple of weeks? Let me hear from you...tell me how you're doing.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭2:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/18/keeping-our-distance-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/16/what-happens-if-nothing-happens.html", "title": "What Happens if Nothing Happens?", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
This is what most of our stores looked like this weekend. It won’t always be this way.
\n\n\n

We’ve been listening intently to the news. We’ve followed every story, listened to every nightmarish tale, seen and heard things we wish we’d never seen or heard. We’ve pillaged the stores in a way that would make a Viking proud. We’ve hoarded toilet paper, hand sanitizer, gloves, masks, and cleaners. Our pantries are stocked with everything from diapers to donuts. We’ve got every medicine available for every eventuality. The schools are closed. The stores are cutting back hours to give the staff enough time to restock. The hospitals are rationing supplies and making contingency plans for every possible scenario. And so...we wait.

\n\n\n

We are socially distancing ourselves. We are staying home...away from crowds and germs. We are binge watching every series on Netflix that sparks our interest. We are learning new skills. We are putting away food and reading. We are checking in on those who might need our help. We are watching church online or on television. We are reaching out with phone calls and texts and, dare I say...handwritten letters.

\n\n\n

And...we wait.

\n\n\n

And wait some more.

\n\n\n

What happens if...after we’ve waited and waited and sacrificed and been inconvenienced... What happens if...nothing happens? No big surge of disease. No drastic sudden influx of all these “hundreds of thousands of sick people?”

\n\n\n

I’ll tell you what SHOULD happen. We should breathe a HUGE sigh of relief because it means what we did...WORKED. It means we flattened the curve. It means we sacrificed our usual routines and made the most of it and we saved countless lives. 

\n\n\n

I know there will be a bunch of us who do that very thing. We’ll high five and say “Well done!” We’ll thank everyone in healthcare and the service industries. We will do our best to boost up the mom and pop business that took a hit from the shutdowns. We will praise our health officials who made difficult and unpopular decisions. And hopefully, we’ll remember to thank God for never leaving us in our darkest hours.

\n\n\n

If we have an ounce of forethought...a shred of decency...a touch of humanity we WON’T be that person who stands up and screams that it was all a hoax. That the whole thing was conjured up to throw an election or to make any one person or party look bad. That is petty. We must be better than that. 

\n\n\n

If we gain anything...just one tiny thing from this whole meshugas...it’s that we start looking for the humanity in each other again. We need to start finding love and kindness again. We need to remember...we may be different wings, but we’re flying the same bird here. Please, for the love of God...let’s turn something that’s potentially terrible into something that helps us see the divine in each other.

\n\n\n

Let’s let the legacy of the coronavirus be compassion.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.”

\nColossians 3:12-15 ESV\n
\n\n\n

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-16T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/16/what-happens-if-nothing-happens.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/05/shake-your-can.html", "title": "Shake Your Can", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Wake it up and shake it up and change this world for the better!
\n\n\n

Last Sunday, our Pastor delivered another wonderful message. This time he was talking about how we can get flat and stale in our faith after time. We can become complacent and go to church simply to be fed every week. We can get comfortable. We may think, “I’m saved...I’m good. I don’t need to _________ (fill in the blank...serve, share, invite, get involved). We can do that, of course. But, we could be so much more if we just shook things up.

\n\n\n

If we wake it up and shake it up, God’s light in us will be so much brighter when we carry it out in the world. And, heaven knows...this world needs all the light it can get! The Pastor used a great visual. He had a can of soda in his hand when he asked a woman from the front row to come forward.

\n\n\n

He showed the woman the can.

\n\n\n

“Are you afraid of this can?” 

\n\n\n

“No,” she said.

\n\n\n

He started shaking the can violently and poised to open it in front of her.

\n\n\n

“How about now?”

\n\n\n

The woman laughed and took a few steps back.

\n\n\n

“Yeah...I’m afraid of it now!”

\n\n\n

He made his point. The enemy doesn’t pay us much mind when we’re being complacent and doing enough to get by. He isn’t afraid of us. But shake us up and see what happens. That gets his attention because the last thing he wants is for us to be all up in it.

\n\n\n

You wanna make a difference in this world?

\n\n\n

Get up and shake your can!

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?”

\nHebrews 1:14 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/05/shake-your-can.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/28/comfort-vs-bravery.html", "title": "Comfort vs. Bravery", "content_html": "\n
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We were called to be BRAVE!
\n\n\n

It’s so easy to slip into the “comfort zone”. Once you’re there, you definitely want to stay. There have been so many times I’ve been yanked out of my comfort zone...kicking and screaming. And every single time, I’ve grown bigger and better because of it.

\n\n\n

When I was uncomfortably ensconced in a “Behavioral Unit” after the overdose, I went from reading Harry Potter to my daughter at night to harsh lights, loud voices, scary people, and a strictly supervised environment. I remember telling someone I felt like a slug on a hot griddle. The cells in my brain felt like they were sizzling. I was most definitely uncomfortable, but I discovered an inner warrior I had never really known.

\n\n\n

When Mr. Virgo and I were driving to pick out a camper for our retirement, we basked in the comfort of our loving relationship...holding hands, sharing stories, making plans. When he suffered a massive heart attack and died within three hours, my world crashed and comfort became a foreign concept I wasn’t sure I would ever return to. People said... “You’re so brave!” My response was, “It’s amazing what you can do when you have no other choice.” I became more empathetic and compassionate and confident with time. And infinitely braver.

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Then, Mr. FixIt uttered those words. 

\n\n\n

“There’s something happening here I have to tell you about. I’m feeling numb and tingly on one side.”

\n\n\n

Instant discomfort. Fear. Panic. Explosive heart rate. Waves of nausea. 

\n\n\n

I’d been there before. While not necessarily a frequently visited territory, it WAS in my memory banks and I’d been there before. I knew there was a file card placed somewhere that said, “What to do in an emergency.” I just had to stop and take a deep breath and pull it out.

\n\n\n

“Be BRAVE!”

\n\n\n

Yep, that’s what that card said alright. Think. Think. Think. How do you DO that?

\n\n\n
    \n
  1. Breathe
    2. \n
  2. Check your OWN pulse first. (In other words, calm down.)
    3. \n
  3. Evaluate the situation.
    4. \n
  4. Take appropriate action.
    5. \n
\n\n\n

In my case, after all four steps were successfully accomplished, I moved on to my next step.

\n\n\n

5)   Excuse yourself from the room and throw up.

\n\n\n

Ok, four out of five is pretty good, I think. After all, you can throw up and still be brave. In the past, I would have chastised myself for being a weenie. I would have thought of myself as being inadequate...incapable of controlling myself...weak. Absolutely NOT true.

\n\n\n

I came out of this with a new appreciation for my body and my mind. I was scared. It’s ok to be scared. I couldn’t control what was happening. It’s ok to be out of control because, in all actuality...I’ve never been IN control of anything outside of myself. And sometimes that doesn’t work like I’d like it to. I was challenged. We all have challenges. 

\n\n\n

Here’s what I wasn’t...

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I wasn’t defeated. I wasn’t weak. I wasn’t incapable. And, I wasn’t alone.

\n\n\n

I was brave.

\n\n\n

It’s the same thing I told people after Mr. Virgo passed away. It’s amazing what you can do when you have no other choice. I do, however, have a spike in my blood pressure right now and I’m monitoring that. I haven’t had high blood pressure since Hubby #2 and I split up. Stress does crazy things to your body. 

\n\n\n

Mr. FixIt continues to improve and feel stronger every day. The numbness has reduced to only his left hand. We are hoping it continues to subside. If that’s the worst thing that came of this, we are truly blessed. He’s sleeping well, eating right, getting the rest he needs, and adjusting to his new circumstances.

\n\n\n

This is my “Feel Good Friday” post...because, it’s been a week since his stroke, and we’re feeling pretty darned good right now.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.””

\nDeuteronomy 31:6 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/28/comfort-vs-bravery.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/26/sighs-of-relief.html", "title": "Sighs of Relief", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
I went back through my photos to find a picture of an OBX sunset. Dreaming of our next vacation...and thanking God we get another chance!
\n\n\n

When the sun went down yesterday, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was sitting in the truck in front of Walmart. After a few days of laying low at the house, Mr. FixIt was ready to get out and about a little bit. We drove to town and went to Kohl’s to get him a new belt. Then we went to our favorite diner for an early dinner. At 5:00, we drove to Walmart and the phone rang. I had a conference scheduled to discuss my brother’s care in Colorado. (He’s doing well, by the way. Just aging, as we all are.) As I was listening to his caregivers’ reports, two things happened. First, my daughter called and I had to let it go to voicemail. Then, Mr.FixIt said, “I’m going on in. I have my phone.” And off he went.

\n\n\n

It was all I could do not to tell those on the line that I had to go. I took a deep breath and told myself, “He’s a grown man. He’s fine. You can’t (and SHOULDN’T) watch him every minute. Give it to God and mind your business.” I turned back to the call and when it was finished, I breathed a sigh of relief. 

\n\n\n

I called my daughter back. She got the job she wanted! Just seven minutes from home, and gives her an opportunity to learn new things working in horticulture. Plus, there are three “work cats” there. She’s pumped. My little introvert can snuggle kitties and make pretty things grow. Pretty perfect. I breathed a sigh of relief.

\n\n\n

I moseyed on into Walmart and found Mr. FixIt pushing a cart up and down the aisles, shopping as usual. I stood at the end of the aisle, his back to me, and felt the tears sting the back of my eyes. “There he is. He’s fine. He’s doing what he does best...living and breathing. He’s ok.” I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

\n\n\n

You often don’t realize how long you’ve been holding your breath till you let it go. I know I can’t control any of these things. And I know worrying about any of it is absolutely fruitless and not what I’m supposed to be doing. Yes...I’m a sister. And a mom. And a wife. How can I NOT have  concerns? I offered up a quick prayer of thanksgiving, walked up to that sweet man of mine, and planted a big kiss on his still slightly numb lips and smiled.

\n\n\n

“Did ya miss me?”

\n\n\n

“Of course I missed you!”

\n\n\n

***smile***

\n\n\n

***sigh***

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

\nRomans 8:28 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/26/sighs-of-relief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Comfort","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/24/in-sickness-and-in-health.html", "title": "In Sickness and In Health", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Chillin’ with Mr. FixIt, waiting to hear from the doctor.
\n\n\n

I take my vows very seriously. To love and cherish. Always. In ALL ways. Nowhere was that more apparent to me than this weekend. 

\n\n\n

We are home. There’s no place like home.

\n\n\n

We are exhausted. Living on adrenalin and coffee with very little sleep will do that.

\n\n\n

We are blessed. We know full well this could have been MUCH worse.

\n\n\n

We are disappointed and angry (on a very selfish, base, childish level.) Why did this have to happen to us??? ***stomping foot***

\n\n\n

We are confused. Where did this come from? Mr. FixIt takes exceptionally good care of himself.

\n\n\n

Why us? Which is stupid. Why NOT us? 

\n\n\n

Anyway, the second MRI with contrast shows Mr. FixIt had a second stroke. We don’t know when the first one was. But there was a time about a year and a half ago that I noticed he was talking like he had a mouth full of marbles. It got better, but he continued to mumble. I wrote it off as colloquialism. They made some changes in his meds. The numbness seems to be leaving, praise God!

\n\n\n

We are looking at it as a wake up call to really start taking care of ourselves. We are far too young to start rocking on the front porch all day. We ARE going to take it easy this week, though.

\n\n\n

Thank you all so much for your love and support and the hundreds and hundreds of prayers.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

\nHebrews 4:16 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/24/in-sickness-and-in-health.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","God","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/23/no-luxury-of-losing-it.html", "title": "No Luxury of Losing It", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
My strength comes from Heaven...the heavenly hosts who are always and forever available to me.
\n\n\n

First, let me thank you for your prayers Friday night. This one was for us. My sweet Mr. FixIt had a stroke Friday night. It was mild, but concerning enough that he is in the hospital for a couple of nights for tests. My heart was pounding out of my chest and wave after wave of hot flushes rushed over me. Visions of the final trip to the ER with Mr. Virgo had me in a near panic.

\n\n\n

I drove, maybe a little fast...but we got to the hospital in record time. It wasn’t the kind of medical emergency you need an ambulance for. He just had some numbness and tingling. It was more “let’s just go in and get this checked out to make sure everything is ok.” When they descended on Mr. FixIt and started all the medical stuff, I excused myself to the ladies room and threw up.

\n\n\n

I didn’t have the luxury of losing it. My sweetheart knows these things scare the dickens out of me and he kept asking me if I was ok. I was honest.

\n\n\n

“No, not at the moment. But I’m going to be.” I squeezed his hand and offered a brave smile.

\n\n\n

I sent out the prayer request. (Thank you SO much for all your prayers!) I wrapped my arms around my sweet husband and prayed for us both. And I began to feel that sense of peace beyond all understanding. 

\n\n\n

God didn’t mean for us to do the heavy lifting. He wants us to turn all things over to Him. When I sat there, I thought of all the people I know who have been through so many hard things lately. People I know and love. I took strength from their courageous fights. I felt a Legion of Angels around us from all the prayers.

\n\n\n

We waited, and waited, and waited for a room. Which almost always means we were waiting for the staff in the ER to find a moment between patients to get us upstairs. At one point, I thought if I could just get a blanket for him and turn off the lights, at least he would be able to get some sleep while we waited. 

\n\n\n

I went out to the desk and the tech said she was just coming to get us and take us to our room. Pretty soon, she came in and apologized. She said she had to go prepare a patient. Those of us who have worked in an ER know what that means. A patient had died and the family needed to come in to see their loved one. She was going to go make them presentable.

\n\n\n

I didn’t say anything to Mr. FixIt as she left. I just held his hand a little tighter as my mind wandered to the day I was led in to see Mr. Virgo after they had made him “presentable” for me. I closed my eyes and said a prayer for the family who were about to have that horrible experience. I prayed that the Angels would come and wrap their wings around them and comfort them in their time of great heartbreak.

\n\n\n

I patted Mr. FixIt’s hand and said, “It’s ok, babe. Someone else needs her more than we do right now. We’re ok.”

\n\n\n

Thank you, God. This could have been so much worse.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

\n1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/23/no-luxury-of-losing-it.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/19/the-dragon-slayers-and-the.html", "title": "The Dragon Slayers and The Heroes", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
We are all dragon slayers...striving to face each new day bravely!
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Every day there are dragons to slay. Whether it’s climbing your way up the corporate ladder like an executive or working three jobs waiting tables as a single mom. Slaying dragons isn’t altogether “easy” as this meme intimates, but it makes a valid point. The heroes are the ones who slay the dragons and get up the next day with the intestinal fortitude to put on their armor. THAT is not easy.

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Take my Uncle Bud, for instance. He took care of his wonderful wife all through her descent into the netherworld of Alzheimer’s and did it at home. My Aunt Viv was only in the hospital a week or two before she passed. My other aunt, Uncle Bud’s sister, was living with them by this time, on her own journey into dementia. He came home from the funeral and continued to care for his sister...even when she could no long walk on her own and he carried her from room to room. A change is coming there now and he will get some much needed rest before long. He is my hero...the father that I never really had.

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There is my friend, Sean. Her husband Greg came down with a virus...fever and aches. Within two days, he was airlifted and placed in ICU on a ventilator in a medically induced coma. I never found out if it was the flu...but reading Sean’s journal on Caring Bridge have me firmly convinced. She is a hero. She would be the first to tell you it is GREG that’s the hero. He’s had the hard work of healing and coming back.

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There is my friend, Sharon. As an independent woman supporting herself, she worked hard her whole career and was finally forced into retirement by a pretty significant health issue. a chronic illness, surgeries, broken bones...she has done it all and still has an RV that she travels in when she can. She recently sold her house and moved into a new one with less grounds to care for. She is a hero.

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There is my cousin’s daughter who struggled through several pregnancy losses and finally had a baby...a little boy with a hole in his heart. He’s doing fine...but he will have to have surgery. Keeping him healthy, keeping her six year old occupied, caring for a herd of cattle ready to calve anytime, and putting in a greenhouse all at the same time. She gets up every day and puts on her suit of armor and slays the dragons in her life.

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There is a friend of mine...another flu victim with a grim prognosis. Her family stands beside her, praying and hoping and begging for healing. They are slaying dragons right and left...every minute of every day.

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We are ALL dragon slayers. And whether we feel like we are heroes or not, if we get back up every day and love the world and hold up our swords...we are indeed heroes to somebody. For me personally, I let Jesus fight my battle for me...he can hold up a sword like no other!

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Keep standing, mama. Keep fighting, dad. Keep working dear ones. You are so loved!

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❤️

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\n

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.””

\nJoshua 1:9 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-19T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/19/the-dragon-slayers-and-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/17/finding-a-firm-foundation.html", "title": "Finding a Firm Foundation", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Building on a firm foundation ensures you can weather any storm.
\n\n\n

I grew up believing there was a God, but I never had a relationship with Jesus until 2004. None of my relationships, decisions, or experiences were built on a firm foundation of faith. Pastor Justin spoke yesterday about building your foundation on solid rock, standing on it firmly, and believing there is a KING inside you. Recognizing that power and owning it is something I never experienced until after Mr. Virgo died.

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Those who build their lives on a firm foundation can weather the storms of life...even when they don’t believe they can. Even when they feel God is far, far away. I can attest to that. The hurricane that overtook me when I became a widow rocked me to the soles of my feet. Yet they remained steady...planted firmly on the solid rock of faith.

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This was not the case in the ‘90s. The storm came and I held onto my house of sticks on the sand with all I had. I tied a rope around my waist and lashed it to my husband, my kids, my bank account, my house...then my drugs and my cocktails. The winds blew with such force and waves lashed at my feet till they finally cut the sand out from under me...just like the ocean does when you stand in the waves. Before I knew it...the rope broke and I was cast out into the tumultuous waves and nearly was lost forevermore. It was quite evident to anyone looking that I built my house on sand.

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When I had the chance for a do-over...I humbled myself and begged for mercy. I negotiated with God to let me do it this way, or that way...but He stood firm and showed me there was only His way if I wanted to go on this ride with Him. I was bone weary from trying to juggle it all on my own. I wanted to walk on the water WITH Him. So, I did the work that needed to be done. I read the Bible. I listened to praise music. I changed my “playground” and the friends I met there. I found a church family. I married someone who went to church with me, even though we were not quite equally yoked. 

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This bared the stone on which I rebuilt my life and it’s been solid no matter how hard the wind has blown. One of the worship songs yesterday was “Bigger Than I Thought You Were”. I loved the lyrics. It speaks of stopping the negotiations. But the two lines I loved most were in the chorus. 

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“I will rest in the Father’s hands...Leave the rest in the Father’s hands”

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That has a couple of meanings to me. I will rest in His hands and leave all the rest of my worries and cares in his hands. But, in line with what we’ve been discussing the last few days concerning forgiveness, “leave the rest” can be interpreted as “stop trying to control others...leave them in God’s hands.” After all, he is SO much bigger than I ever thought He was.

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\n[youtu.be/o9YnFjsc2...](https://youtu.be/o9YnFjsc2XY)\n
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❤️

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“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;”

\n1 Corinthians 6:19 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/17/finding-a-firm-foundation.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/27/when-addiction-is-a-good.html", "title": "When Addiction is a GOOD Thing", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“My new background on my lock screen. Please feel free to save it and use it on your own phones.”
\n\n\n

Whooooo...church was on fire yesterday! Pastor Justin talked about addiction. We are addicted to SO many things. We’re addicted to needing people to like us. Just look at how people cling to the number of “likes” on that selfie they posted to social media. We’re addicted to TV, gambling, smoking, eating, NOT eating, exercise, shopping, pornography, alcohol, drugs...heck, we’re addicted to OURSELVES. We’re just that important.

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In 1 Corinthians 16:15, the King James Version states members of the house of Stephanas have addicted themselves to the ministry of the saints. It is the one and only time the word “addicted” appears in the Bible. The Latin origin of the word addiction means a “giving over, surrender”. It has only been in modern times that addiction has come to be known in a totally negative light in relation to evils best avoided.

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What does it mean to be “addicted to the ministry of the saints”? What does that look like? It’s the difference between just DOING something...and being ON FIRE for it. You can go to church...most Sundays. You can read the Bible...when you’re not too busy. You can refrain from gossiping....except when it’s just too good to pass up. Or, you can be so addicted you crave more of God. Being addicted to the ministry means you go to bed thinking about how you can better serve, you wake up thinking about reading your daily devotions, you offer up prayers during the day in a running conversation with God.

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I’ve noticed I’ve fallen into a bad habit. I was reading the “Bible-in-a-Year” plan in the Bible app on my phone. About two months ago, things got busy with the holidays and fixing up the bathroom and getting home from the big camping trip and I stopped reading it. Then, I stopped reading any bible verses in the mornings. I still read at night, but not in the morning. And I have noticed negative repercussions from it. I’m shorter tempered. I’m not quite as full of grace. I’ve felt it...but I needed to get that “God-sized” kick in the rear.

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A reader commented last week about going to the Throne before the phone. That really resonated with me. Then yesterday, Pastor talked about the addictions we face that don’t serve God. I have a friend who is an artist so I went on his page and found a photo of a cross on a church in the sunset and saved it on my phone. Then I used my editing app...Over Pro...and created a background for the lock screen on my phone. Now, when I reach for my phone every morning as I always do...I’ll see this message. Thank you, KB! And thank you God...for the gentle reminder!

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If you care to, you can watch Pastor Justin’s message here.

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❤️

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\n

“I beseech you, brethren, (ye know the house of Stephanas, that it is the firstfruits of Achaia, and that they have addicted themselves to the ministry of the saints,)”

\n1 Corinthians 16:15 KJV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-27T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/27/when-addiction-is-a-good.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/22/amazing-gracehow-sweet-the-sound.html", "title": "Amazing Grace...How Sweet the Sound", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“God’s Grace comes in many ways.”
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The sweet refrain of this blessed hymn of my youth trickled into my consciousness as I absorbed the words from one of my most special people. She is friend...she is family. She is example...she is mentor. She is confidante...she is touchstone. And now...after months of chemotherapy...she is cancer free!

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I burst into tears with the news. I hadn’t realized how hard I was praying for a miracle. I hadn’t realized how much I had been holding my breath. 

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“I’m cancer free.” 

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Those are three little words everyone who has gone through this hell lives to hear. God...there are far too many who don’t get to hear them.

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I couldn’t be with her to help her as she went through these last months. She had plenty of family support. Her medical care was exceptional. When she was first diagnosed, I asked what I could do for her.

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“Just text me and tell me your stories. Give me something to think about other than what I’m going through.”

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So, almost without fail (I can count on one hand how many nights we missed), we met for our evening chats. I told her about my camping trips. I told her about the new babies in the family. We talked about her treatments and how she was feeling but once that was out of the way, out came the stories and pictures....the fall colors, the Christmas tree, the progress on the bathroom.

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I went online and searched “Amazing Grace” and this song popped up, sung by Joan Baez. She was driving down the road one day and heard this song on the radio. She pulled over to listen because she knew she needed to record it. “The President Sang Amazing Grace” was written by singer/songwriter Zoe Mulford. She was so moved by President Obama’s eulogy at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church, that she wrote the poignant lyrics that captured a nation’s shock and grief of such a senseless act. Even though the circumstances are vastly, vastly different...God’s Grace is the same.

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There are so many prayers that need to be prayed in this world. And...there are so many praises that need to be sung. 

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“I’m cancer free.” 

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Thank you, Jesus!

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Amazing Grace.

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You can hear Joan Baez sing “The President Sang Amazing Grace” here.

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❤️

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\n

“For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.”

\nJohn 1:16 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-22T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/22/amazing-gracehow-sweet-the-sound.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/15/listendo-you-hear-that.html", "title": "LISTEN...Do You Hear That?", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
If you get too far away from the Signal, you can’t hear the Words.
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Yesterday we talked about selective hearing loss. How sometimes it behooves us to be a little deaf. There are plenty of instances in which NOT listening can improve our lives. Not listening to God is not one of them.

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You know when you are on a trip and you’re listening to the radio? You find a great station and for a while, you hear it really clearly. Then, the further you get away from the radio signal, the more static and white noise comes from the speakers.

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Listening to God is like that, too. We get too far away from Him and we can’t hear Him clearly anymore. But, if we lean in and really listen, our frequencies align and we can hear Him calling to us. We can have conversations with Him. It’s all He has ever wanted from us really. Just to walk alongside us, hold our hand, and have a nice conversation.

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We’re too busy. We’re too scattered. We’re spread too thin. And what if we DO hear something we think can only come from Him? Is this from God? I mean, I think it is...but, is it REALLY? We don’t often feel WORTHY to hear from God personally. He’s a Dad, though. Yeah...He’s a Dad who happens to be King of the Universe...but he still knows who you are. He knows your dreams and your desires.

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Last month, I happened to catch a story on the local news. They have a new studio At WSAZ and have added an hourlong talk show before the news where they report special interest stories. When I saw that, I sent up a silent prayer and asked God to get me on that show so I could talk about this Raffle Trailer and the Girl Campers and the OH/WV Chapter.

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Yesterday, I got a call from a friend in Huntington who is an RV Dealer. She had just gotten off the phone with WSAZ and they needed someone to come to Huntington to be on the show. 

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THE show!

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Wow.

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So...God and I are taking a road trip to Huntington today, with the camper, to record a couple segments for the show. If you’re in the viewing area, try to catch it at 4:00PM on Thursday. I’ll see if I can get a link and post it for you here.

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I’m no more special than the average schmo on the street. I don’t have some sort of privilege or the number of God’s “back line”. I just stand close...and listen. And when I hear something, I obey. If I am wrong, I made a mistake. It’s a new day tomorrow. I just keep listening.

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❤️

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\n

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”

\nRevelations 3:20 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-15T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/15/listendo-you-hear-that.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/13/when-god-tells-you-to.html", "title": "When God Tells You to Do Something...DO IT!", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“When a Resolution becomes a Revolution”
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Here I am. It’s Monday. It’s been two weeks since my self-imposed schedule change here on the blog. And, ever since I made the change, my inner being has been in an uproar. Like static electricity on the radio and I couldn’t quite make out what was being said. It was driving me buggy.

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Over the last two weeks, I’ve stopped and gotten still and listened. I’ve prayed about it. And I wasn’t getting anything. It seemed as though my direct line to the Holy Spirit had been disconnected and I didn’t like it one bit. Still...I persevered. I’d made a decision, after all.

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Then, yesterday at church, I had one of those remarkable moments that is so God-driven that I kept laughing out loud during the sermon. (Good thing it’s a really contemporary service and there’s a lot of interaction during services.)

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I love it when I get those Instagrams from God...when He shows you a very clear picture and speaks to you through the Holy Spirit and it’s clear and real and unmistakable. The sermon was about being good.

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“Being good is good, until it’s not good enough anymore.”

\nPastor Justin Enoch - Warehouse Church\n
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Pastor Justin gave the example of the invention of the telephone. There was the crank on the wall and the party line. It was good, but it soon became apparent that it wasn’t good enough. There was the wall phone, then the cordless phone, then the portable phone in the bag, then the true cell phone, then the many incarnations of that till we got to the smart phones. And the smart phones will be good...until they aren’t good enough anymore.  

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We can be good. Just good. Good enough. Or, we can go the extra mile, do the extra work, and bring God’s greatness through us into our works. And THAT is great! Pastor Justin reminded us we all have greatness within us. We all have the ability to do great things. We all have a calling. God has given each one of us a gift and a purpose and a personal directive. Will we pick that up? Or will we settle for just good?

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I suddenly had a revelation. I set myself a resolution for the first of the year when what I needed was a REVOLUTION! Do you remember the story about me sitting in church and getting the message that I had to put scriptures in my posts? God gave me a purpose...a job...and I obeyed. Then I eventually got a little burned out and overwhelmed and I decided to step away. I’m glad I did, because it has given me clarity, which opened me up to be able to hear...THIS was my assignment. THIS is my ministry. THIS is my blessing. THIS is my opportunity to share what God does for me.

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It’s the REST of the writing that needs to be second place. 

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So...here I am. I’m back. I’ve rediscovered my purpose.

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I really missed being here with you all every morning.

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Thanks for waiting.

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❤️

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\n

“that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him,”

\nEphesians 1:17 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/13/when-god-tells-you-to.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/30/when-im-gonean-ode-to.html", "title": "“When I’m Gone”...an Ode to a Decade", "content_html": "\n
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“When I’m Gone”...an Ode to a Decade:
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I remember the way I felt when the calendar turned from 2013 to 2014. Somehow, in my grief addled mind, I thought it would make things better. It would create distance between Mr. Virgo’s death and....the present. I thought maybe there would be magical power in being able to say “He died LAST year”...as if that space and time would somehow fix this dreadful suffering I was mired in.

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But it didn’t.

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The New Year dawned and the same horrible ache I felt in my heart, the same sense of fear and uncertainty I felt, was still there like a burning coal I could not set down. I think that realization made it even worse because I knew in my heart the only way “out” was “through”. And I was so weary of the pain.

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This is the seventh New Year. I thank God in every way that He carried me through the hell that was acute grief. I thank Him for leading me at every turn and held my forehead all those sleepless nights when all I could do was cry and throw up. I thank Him for bringing me to an excellent grief counselor who listened and knew how to help me with the PTSD brought about by watching the valiant efforts to save Mr. Virgo’s life.

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I thank Him for nudging me to pour my heart out on these pages and for giving me the words to do so. I thank Him for opening doors and giving me the courage to walk through them. I thank Him for blessing me with supportive and loving children and family who have stood by me every step of the way...even when I’ve been a pain in the caboose and they roll their eyes at some of my decisions.

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And, I thank Him for bringing Mr. FixIt into my life, along with a great big bonus family to add to my brood. I am so blessed to have this life and will never take it for granted.

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When I felt the winds of change blowing me in a new direction in my writing, a thought was formulating in the back of my mind that I couldn’t quite express. I was feeling a certain melancholy and couldn’t figure out why. What was the significance of this New Year over any other? Then, I saw this video and realized...I entered this decade with Mr. Virgo by my side...never dreaming he would be gone in such a short time. 

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It’s a big deal to be turning the page on not just a New Year, but on a new decade. The last seven-ish years have been spent healing and growing and learning how to live without him. Then learning how to open my heart wide enough to accept MORE love instead of closing it off for good.

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I’m entering new territory here...a decade Mr. Virgo will never experience. When this video popped up on my feed, I watched it and realized, it was released just before he died. It was an anthem I cried over. The lyrics slayed me and brought me much needed emotional release. As I rewatched it before I wrote this, the lyrics took on new meaning for me. In addition to the reminder of my past losses, there is another loss to contend with.

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Ever since I shared with you my desire to change my writing schedule here on my blog, you have shared with me what this space has meant to you along the way. I cannot close this door completely and just stop altogether. Because I still need this space as much as some of you have indicated you do. I’ve come to know and love you. I’ve cried with you, and prayed with you, and celebrated with you. I don’t know if I can ever express what joy you have brought me. What healing and comfort you shared that eased my broken heart.

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When I thank God for all He has done for me in this last decade, I thank Him so much for YOU. For giving me this space where we could help each other heal. Lift each other up. To laugh and cry and live and learn with each other.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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For being here and helping me through the worst of times.

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And here we are...about to head into a new decade! What shall we learn? Where shall we go? What will God reveal to us in this mystical little place called Marshmallow Ranch?

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“When I’m Gone” by Joey and Rory Feek

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https://fbwat.ch/1V3CvhygTPjtgWSw

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❤️

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“ ‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.”

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Jeremiah 33:6 NIV

\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-30T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/30/when-im-gonean-ode-to.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/23/happy-hanukkah.html", "title": "Happy Hanukkah!", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“I had a little Dreidel...”
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Christmas and Hanukkah overlap each other this year. It doesn’t always, as the Jewish calendar is lunar and changes year to year. I started celebrating Hanukkah as a single mom when Daughter #1 was around three years old. I rented the basement of another single mom who had two little children. Niza was Jewish and exposed me to the Jewish holidays and traditions. Then, when Hubby #2 came along and was Jewish, the traditions continued.

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We still had a Christmas tree because you don’t take Santa away from a three year old...or her mama, for that matter. I always love Hanukkah. It is the Festival of Lights. It’s actually a very minor holiday in Judaism but Hallmark and the competition of Christmas and Santa Claus has caused it to be more commercialized.

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Hanukkah centers around the story of the rededication of the temple by the Maccabees after it had been desecrated by Antiochus. The temple was cleansed but when they went to refill the menorah, there was only enough sacred oil to burn one day. It would take at least eight days to get supplies of sacred oil from elsewhere. The Maccabees debated whether to go ahead and light the menorah, knowing it would burn out...or just wait. They decided to go ahead and rededicate the temple and light the oil. A miracle occurred when the oil burned for the full eight days.

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In later years, it became the custom to light the menorah and eat fried foods to symbolize the miracle of the sacred oil. Traditionally, latkes (potato pancakes) and sufganiyot (donuts) are eaten. A game is played with the dreidel (a four-sided top with Hebrew letters). Songs are sung and gifts exchanged. This is repeated every night for eight nights. It’s a really fun holiday. I haven’t really participated in a Hanukkah party for quite some time...although I do make latkes at least once over the holiday.

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For those of you who are Jewish and celebrate, I wish you all a joyous Hanukkah. Chag Sameach! May your Latkes be crispy and your candles be bright!

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❤️

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“Then came the Festival of Dedication at Jerusalem. It was winter,”

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John 10:22 NIV

\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/23/happy-hanukkah.html", "tags": ["Faith","Holiday","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/21/seventh-christmas.html", "title": "Seventh Christmas", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“Left: 2013 - Right: 2019”
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This is the seventh Christmas since Mr. Virgo died. I look back over the years and remember how each one felt. 

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2013: The loss was so profound the first Christmas. I was numb, empty, devoid of anything but pain.

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2014: The second was equally painful but in a different way. I was awake...and he was STILL gone. And by then, I was living in West Virginia on the family farm and trying to help my aunt. I now know what she was going through was early stages of dementia, but at the time it was mean spirited and got ugly on Christmas Day when I was invited to leave. That was hard.

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2015: The third was better. I flew to Colorado to be with my family and it was a welcome visit. I was beginning to catch my breath and develop a rhythm to my life and experience a great deal of personal growth. I don’t believe I cried that Christmas.

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2016: The fourth was much, much better. I still had moments of sadness and reflection, but I had recently begun dating Mr. FixIt and there was a glimmer of hope rising. I found such comfort in our friendship and the possibilities of it developing into something deeper flitted around in the back of my mind. I struggled a little with “Where do I put the memories of Mr. Virgo if I start another relationship?”

\n\n\n

2017: The fifth was great fun! My relationship with Mr. FixIt had solidified and we were sure we had found a life long love. There was a little mix of sadness because of losses in the family, which underscored the fragility of life. And we officially moved in together which started a year of uncanny sermons from our Pastor on NOT living together before you’re married.

\n\n\n

2018: This brought us to the sixth Christmas...married! It was mind-blowing how far I had come, and we were over the moon!

\n\n\n

2019: And now...here we are at the seventh Christmas. The number seven appears 735 times in the Bible. Seven is the foundation of God’s word. It’s the number of completeness and perfection. It isn’t lost on me that this is the time God has chosen for me to make changes in my writing schedule and turn my focus so I can accomplish other things as well as maintaining my presence here.

\n\n\n

A lot has happened this year. I traveled four months out of this year. I had ample time for reflection. I’ve been able to package up a lot of things in my mind and store them neat and tidy because I don’t have to handle them every day anymore. This year I’ve felt more like myself, if that makes any sense to you. I wear this life now like my favorite comfortable sweater. It fits me. I no longer feel a disconnect between my heart and my mind and my feet. I’m standing where I was meant to stand...going where I’m meant to go.

\n\n\n

This is a comfortable place to be. It’s a relief. And, it’s still ever so slightly disconcerting because I have the very clear awareness that there is precious little space between “here” and “not here”. This Christmas is good. Real. Grounded. I’m in a relationship where I’m free to be exactly who I am, speak my mind, and not be afraid all the time. My “fear of abandonment issues” have largely disappeared. I am a body at rest.

\n\n\n

As I look at the picture above, I see two different women sharing the same space. This is the way grief is. Pain and heartbreak can exist in the same space as joy and happiness. This is the kind of thing I wanted to see and hear when I was that woman on the left. I so needed to hold onto hope and there were precious few sources for that in my life at the time. When I found myself lacking my own grief mentor, God whispered...

\n\n\n

“That...go do that for others, dear one.” In so doing, I myself was the recipient of such healing and grace.

\n\n\n

It’s been quite the journey, to be sure. 

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n

“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”

\n\n\n

3 John 1:2 NIV

\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/21/seventh-christmas.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/16/the-gifts-we-choose-to.html", "title": "The Gifts We Choose to Open", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“Which gifts will you choose to open today?”
\n\n\n

Pastor Heather delivered a message yesterday that I felt was worthy to share with you...in my own words but using her foundation and premise. It’s about the “gifts” we find at our doorstep every morning and which ones we will choose to open.

\n\n\n

The other night, I was sitting in the living room, reading emails and preparing to write my post. The fire was going, the Christmas tree was lit, and carols played softly in the background. All was right with the world. I get a weekly email telling me all the grand and glorious skills Alexa can do for me and it’s fun to read what’s new. 

\n\n\n

I found out, I can ask her to read the latest sales on Amazon and, with a word, order something...sight unseen. Have you ever bought something and had it delivered to your door, only to discover it was a HUGE mistake? It looks hideous, it’s the wrong size or color, or...maybe...you just realized that spur of the moment purchase really wasn’t worth the money you spent. You either stuff it in a closet...NOT recommended...or you go through the laborious process of sending it back.

\n\n\n

Just like the ones from the UPS man...we get “gifts” delivered to our doorstep every single morning. Some we’ve ordered. Some we haven’t. Things like anger, depression, anxiety, insecurity, shame come right alongside joy, health, security, trust, peace, and confidence. And, every single morning, we have to decide...which boxes are we going to open and wear that day? Is it going to be an “Ugly Sweater of Shame Day” or a “God’s Got This Confidence Day”?

\n\n\n

Yes...I know. Depression is real. Anxiety is real. They are very real challenges and we don’t always have control in when they arrive, but we do have some control in how we wear them. Feelings don’t always serve us well and Pastor Heather stressed we should not make the decisions of our lives based on them. 

\n\n\n

I may not feel like doing my chores around the house. Neither may Mr. FixIt. But if we make the choice not to do our chores, the house will soon fill with dirty dishes, laundry, and garbage. There will be no food in the cupboards or no bills paid. Whether we like it or not, we have to do things. When we can hand things over to God and return to sender those boxes that do not serve us, we live beyond our feelings. And that’s where productivity and satisfaction lie.

\n\n\n

\n\n\n

This IS a bit of an over simplification, but it is an extension of my thinking in yesterday’s post. I spoke about my memories of my father and how they relate to Christmas. I’ve decided not to wear the “Robe of Blame and Shame” that he continually gave me. I’m sending that one back.

\n\n\n

So...which boxes are YOU going to open today? And which ones will you be sending back?

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

\n\n\n

James 1:17 NIV

\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-16T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/16/the-gifts-we-choose-to.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/10/love-to-the-rescue.html", "title": "Love to the Rescue", "content_html": "

\"Friends\" “One of my besties! Deneene and her sidekick, Griffen the Grey, came for a visit. She’s good for what ails ya!”

\n

I wrote in yesterday’s post about feeling “in the ditch”. I struggled for a few days with grief waves triggered by a traumatic loss in the family. Then, in swept my dear friend Deneene with lots of love and her trusty sidekick, Griffen the Grey. Griff is a nine month old French Bulldog who wriggled his way into my heart when we visited Deneene and her husband Mark in South Carolina this summer. 

\n

I had been greatly anticipating Deneene’s arrival for the last week and when she walk in the door, all the “holding it all in” released with her big bear hug. I had the gas stove in the family room fired up so it was nice and toasty. And I had the TV on with this really great ten hour YouTube fireplace video running in the background. We have a huge TV because the family room is huge. It used to be a two car garage, so if you want to read the fine print at the bottom of the screen, you need a big TV. When Deneene walked in, she said she could see the fire blazing from the road leading past our house. I was glad no one thought the house was on fire and called 911!

\n

We didn’t stay up too late and talk because my friend is a new grandma and had just spent a week at her daughter’s helping out with the new baby. She was pretty tired so we said goodnight early. Deneene is not a real morning person, so when Mr. FixIt and I woke up at 8:30, I told him to be really quiet so as not to wake her. I forgot that puppies get their mommies up really early and she had been waiting for US to get up and keeping Griffen quiet.

\n

When I heard them talking in the family room, I quickly dressed and went into the kitchen to cook breakfast. Scratch biscuits with homemade sausage gravy and eggs. OMGosh! It’s been forever since I fixed that and it was SO good. I made Paula Deen’s Cream Biscuits. They are love in the palm of your hand. Look up the recipe. Super easy! And sausage gravy couldn’t be easier to make than mine. Fry a pound of sausage till browned, sprinkle about a third of a cup of flour over it and stir till combined then slowly pour enough milk over it to loosed it up, adding more milk as it cooks, stopping when you get the right consistency. 

\n

As we sat and ooohed and ahhhed over the delicacy before us, we slathered butter and local orange blossom honey over the rest of the biscuits till there were just three left. I tucked them in a bag for Deneene to take with her to nibble on the road. Deneene raved over our hospitality and I told her it was the best B&B this side of the Mississippi…and it’s free!

\n

We said our WV goodbye. She announced she should be leaving. We told another story. She said she really should get going. We hugged and talked about when we would get to see one another again. She gathered up her things. I made sure she didn’t forget her biscuits. We walked to the door. We hugged again and declared it had been too long since the last visit and we shouldn’t wait so long next time. She double checked if she had everything. I asked if she needed a bottle of water for the road. She picked up her bags and we had another long hug at the door. As she walked through, we noticed she had set down the biscuits when she put on her coat so we retrieved them for her. If it hadn’t have been raining, we would have walked her to her truck and the goodbye would have lasted another fifteen to twenty minutes. Thus is the nature of goodbyes in the country. It’s a goodbye full of love!

\n

I called after her, “Don’t forget to text when you get there!” If it was dusk, I would have said, “Watch for deer!” That’s West Virginian for “I love you!”

\n

Deneene honked from the road as she drove by and I waved madly from the front window. And she was gone. My friend whom I helped through her own grief had come and returned the favor. I felt so much better after her visit. I have a big deadline to meet this week so after Deneene left, I packed up and went to the farm where I turned the TV to the same fireplace video. I survived another wave and I’m on to the next thing. Such is the nature of grief. It just gets incorporated into life and you move forward. Thank you for your support yesterday. You have no idea what that means to me. I wish everyone who grieves had cheerleaders like you to support them through their journey.

\n

❤️

\n
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”\n

John 15:12 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-10T02:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/10/love-to-the-rescue.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Fun","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/09/in-the-ditch.html", "title": "In the Ditch", "content_html": "

\"Waves “You never know what will trigger grief…I’m just grateful it doesn’t come nearly as often as it used to.”

\n

Mr. FixIt called yesterday when he was on his way to our granddaughter’s baby shower. There was a wreck on our road. Someone had gone in the ditch, overcorrected, went across the road and ran into an abandoned house. I have to say, that road worries me. Whenever one of us goes to town without the other, we always text when we get there to alleviate the worry.

\n

One of my dearest friends in the whole world stopped at our house yesterday on her way home to South Carolina and spent the night. I was SO excited to see her. I met Deneene through Marshmallow Ranch a couple of years ago. She lost her husband about a year or so before we met and a mutual friend introduced her to my blog. Since she was local, I invited her out for coffee and it was one of those instant life long friendships forged on common ground.

\n

Before Deneene arrived, I baked an apple galette for a sweet treat. But, I have to say…my stomach has been in knots ever since I went to the viewing last Wednesday. I’ve been “in the ditch”. I’ve been to viewings and funerals since Mr. Virgo died. While none of them are easy, the only ones that really hit me hard are the “snatch deaths”…those sudden, unexpected deaths that snatch loved ones in an instant. It stirs up every bit of angst I thought I had put away long ago.

\n

Where I had been the comforter for Deneene when we first met…last night, she became mine. I poured out how fearful I become when a grief wave comes over me now. Fearful…because I tell myself I should be way past this. How can I tell Mr. FixIt about it? Will he walk away from me because he’s “had enough of this”? No, of course not. For one thing, it very rarely happens anymore. For another…he’s not that kind of guy. I should KNOW all this because this is what I do…I comfort others in their grief. I share stories of my own to let others know they aren’t alone. Yet, I tell myself…I should be over this by now, right?

\n

My sweet friend, so gentle and serene, calmly reminded me of what I told her back when we sat over coffee and shared our hearts for over four hours.

\n

“There IS no timetable for grief…remember? There IS no rule book. YOU told me that.”

\n

Yes…indeed. I did tell her that. I tell you that, too. And, I tell you I’ll always speak to you with an open, honest heart and tell you the truth about this grief journey…even when it is uncomfortable or ugly or scary. Even when I’m happily, madly in love and remarried…I am not immune to the waves of grief that rear up against me on occasion. Of COURSE a loss that close to home stirred memories. Why wouldn’t it?

\n

Was it a mistake to go to the viewing? I don’t know…maybe. However, I am so glad I was there to support those I love, even if it WAS hard. There are going to be hard things in life. I can’t avoid them.

\n

It’s ok to not be ok for a little bit. It won’t last forever. I’m not buying real estate…I’m just passing through. It’s the holidays and they can be rough for anyone. When I urge you to be gentle with yourselves, I don’t always take the same advice. I so appreciate my friend to remind me…it’s ok.

\n

❤️

\n
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”\n

Psalms 147:3 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-09T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/09/in-the-ditch.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/08/bucket-lists-miracles-making-memories.html", "title": "Bucket Lists \u0026 Miracles \u0026 Making Memories", "content_html": "

\"Santa “When being Santa is on your bucket list…”

\n

This is the time of year where Christmas is around every corner. The twinkling lights and bustling shops, the carols and the wonderful aromas wafting from the kitchen…they all bring up memories. And, while there is a plethora of “warm-fuzzy” memories, there are also sad painful memories that show up with the turn of the calendar and the darkening of the days.

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Christmas was Mr. Virgo’s very favorite holiday. When he worked at the Hotel Jerome in Aspen, he was asked to play Santa one year. You would have thought he was stepping on stage at the Met. He was thrilled…not only to play the role, but to grow out his beard. You often are not allowed to have facial hair when you work in Food & Beverage. This was a treat, all the way around. I know what joy that brought him. 

\n

One of my high school friends brought us some devastating news a while back. Her sweet brother, Ed Lowe, was diagnosed with cancer. When they did an in depth work up, they found out it had spread through his body. Ed is a pastor, and he knows where he will go when it is his time. He’s taking advantage of every treatment option and covets the prayers of anyone who will pray for a miracle with him.

\n

With his typical optimism, Ed has set out to work on his bucket list. With Christmas fast approaching, he put his wish out there….to be Santa in our hometown Christmas Parade! Phone calls were made and before you knew it, Ed was being fitted for his Santa suit and got to ride down Market Street on a float…waving and smiling and throwing candy to the children lining the parade route.

\n

These are the happy/sad stories we read about this time of year. This is a memory that will be cherished by so many people, no matter what the outcome of Ed’s health scare may be. I’m telling you this story because I love my friend, Janet. I love her fierce devotion to her brother. And, I am asking you to do something for us. Whenever you see Santa in the coming weeks, please send up a prayer for a special man of God who wants his own Christmas Miracle. Please pray for Ed Lowe…and all the others who need miracles, as well.

\n

?❤️????❤️?

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“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”\n

Jeremiah 17:14 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-08T02:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/08/bucket-lists-miracles-making-memories.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/05/the-last-hour.html", "title": "The Last Hour", "content_html": "

\"Black “Pumpkin Kitty snoozing on her mama.”

\n

We spent the day at home yesterday, watching the hearings, nibbling on Thanksgiving leftovers (namely PIE), and snuggling a healing kitten. She was spayed on Monday and she is doing very well, but she sleeps a lot. I’ve been trying to cuddle her in small doses to acclimate myself to her kitty allergens since she’s in the house for a couple of weeks. I can hold her like this for a while, then I have to hand her off to Mr. FixIt and go wash my face and hands. I have been coughing a little more, and my nose has been a little drippy, but nothing major. We’ll see how this goes. She is so sweet when she sleeps on me and goes all limp and warm.

\n

As the afternoon crept on, it got closer and closer to time to go to the funeral home. OMGosh! I was dreading it more and more with each passing hour. Finally, I told Mr. FixIt to go on without me and if I could, I’d follow along shortly. I needed a little time alone. Finally, I shook myself out of it, got dressed, and drove to town.

\n

This was just a viewing. They are not having a funeral. The family gathered at 4:00 to spend some time with the young man alone. Then the doors were open from 5-8 for the viewing. It was an open casket. We stood in line, we paid our respects to his mother, then went and sat with the family. We visited with people we don’t get to see very often. I was introduced to a few I hadn’t met yet. Then, we sat in quiet contemplation…as one does at such things.

\n

It didn’t take long for my mind to wander back to my own experience at Mr. Virgo’s viewing. My eyes stung as I watched the young man’s mother bravely greet people. A little laugh here…hugs and tears there…lots of deep breaths and sips of water. Boxes of tissues were shared. A chair was brought closer.

\n

I looked at my watch. It was 7:00…the last hour. I remember the last hour as if it were yesterday. That’s when the reality hits home that…this is it. This is the last time you’ll see the face of your loved one this side of Heaven. I saw Mr. Virgo at the funeral home the night before the funeral, and I assumed I would see him again in the morning at the church. When I walked in, his casket was at the back of the church…closed with American flag draped over it. And I freaked out. I grabbed my daughter’s arm and said, “I get to see him again, don’t I???” She quickly went to the funeral director and they opened the casket so I could get that one last goodbye. It was brutal.

\n

I turned to Mr. FixIt and said, “It’s the last hour. They do not need an audience. We need to go, now.” He didn’t question me…we got our coats, said our goodbyes to the kids and family and left. I can’t say it gets any easier to go to a viewing. But my experience gives me an empathy that I hope the bereaved can feel when I attend.

\n

❤️

\n
“Taking Jesus’ body, the two of them wrapped it, with the spices, in strips of linen. This was in accordance with Jewish burial customs.”\n

John 19:40 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-05T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/05/the-last-hour.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/04/grief-timestill-grief.html", "title": "Grief + Time...Still = Grief", "content_html": "

\"Grief “Grief plus time still equals grief. It’s just to varying degrees.”

\n

It is said, “A burdened shared is lightened.” I have found this is usually the case. A heavy load is more easily carried when someone picks up the other end. Mr. FixIt picks up the other end of my grief much of the time. While it isn’t necessarily his job, he helps me through the worst times because he is my partner in all things.

\n

That being said, I totally get how blessed I am to have this man in my life and I know he would keep picking up that other end till the cows came home. All I have to do is ask. That’s precisely why I don’t a lot of the time. It’s a tough job to love a widow. It takes a strong man. I don’t want him to burn out and decide this is more than what he bargained for. Besides, at some point, I had to learn to let Jesus do the heavy lifting for me so I could work on the feelings in my heart.

\n

It has been 2,457 days since Mr. Virgo died. I’ve come light years since those early days when I had zero control over my emotions. I was a slave to the whims of my limbic system. If you go back and read my early writing, you’ll find many nights when I literally grabbed onto the side of the mattress and hung on for dear life. Waves of grief led to oceans of anxiety that threatened to drown me every night. I knew if I could just hang on till the sun came up, it would be better. Eventually, ever so slowly, inch by inch…things got better. That’s why, when I get hit now, it’s fairly predictable and fairly remarkable.

\n

Triggers.

\n

There will always be triggers, no matter how long it’s been since your loss. 

\n

On Sunday morning, when we got the call about the young man who was killed in the car accident, my heart started racing, my hands were sweating, and my mind started to race. I had my hands full with dinner in various stages of completion. And, while I am not close to the young man, he was close family through Mr. FixIt’s children and grandchildren. I felt it was important to keep moving and get food ready for everyone. 

\n

I did well all day. I was supportive and listened and hugged everyone. I even told my story about losing Mr. Virgo to the family members who didn’t know me then. But, when I went to bed, I was quickly overwhelmed. My grief comes out through my stomach and I was sick most of the night. Just as it was in the early days, if I’m going to have any trouble with grief, it’s going to be in the long dark hours of the night.

\n

Fortunately, I have come a long way since those early days. I have learned a lot of tricks to help me get through the rough stuff. I know how to divert my attention by getting up and doing something different rather than lay there in bed mulling things over. Still, there are times when it all catches up with me and I can’t do anything about it. Those are the times I take something for my nausea and anxiety, go into the spare bedroom so as to not disturb my husband. Then, I talk out loud to Jesus until I drift off to sleep. When I wake up the next day, I’m fine and ready to take on the world again. 

\n

Tonight is the visitation. This will be hard. I will do my best to be there and support my bonus family and my husband. But I will not lie…this is not going to be easy for me. What I will tell myself all day tomorrow is…”If you think it’s hard to go to this, imagine his mother. His grandparents. His cousins. His friends. You can do this. It isn’t happening to YOU now.”

\n

That’s the thing you have to convince yourself. It isn’t happening to YOU. Because that’s where your mind takes you. Memory is a cruel mistress.

\n

❤️

\n
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”\n

John 14:27 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-04T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/04/grief-timestill-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/03/recovery-day.html", "title": "Recovery Day", "content_html": "

\"Christmas “Christmas Lights & Pie”

\n

When all the food is put away…when all the dishes are done…when all the guests have said their last goodbye…what time is it? It’s time for PIE! Well, really…is there ever a BAD time for pie? We turned off the lights…all but the tree. And just enjoyed the quiet.

\n

I took the kitten in bright and early to be spayed and immediately came home and slept three more hours. Working to put on a big family dinner takes the starch out of you. And it gets harder the older you get. 

\n

The babies were so much fun. Princess First was in rare form, ate like a champ, colored brilliantly, and melted me with “Pweeze, Gigi!” I’m toast. Then there was Prince Second. Oy, he is a solid chunk of sheer joy. He smiles and coos and bats his big eyes at me. All I wanted to do all day was kiss and nibble on those cheeks…they are so delectable!

\n

Once the kitten was ready, I went to pick her up. They informed me she needs to stay in the house for the next ten days. You know what that means, don’t you? It means we now have an indoor cat. Bring me all the antihistamines in the land! It’s better, really. I worry about her outside with that road even though she was safe in the pole building every night. I also found out we can board her with our vet when we go out of town. So it was a win-win day. 

\n

Now I can turn my focus back to writing. The OH-WV Chapter page on the new Girl Camper website needs my attention every couple of weeks. There are presents to make. Cookies to bake. Calls to make. Cards to send. This will be a busy and quick month for all of us. Then we can start making all our camping plans for the  New Year! There’s going to be some fun things happening on the east side…up and down the mid-Atlantic area so keep your eyes peeled for announcements!

\n

Katy bar the door…all heck is gonna break loose around here!

\n

❤️

\n
“Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house.”\n

Proverbs 24:27 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-03T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/03/recovery-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Holiday","Wisdom","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/25/motivation-monday-kindness-matters.html", "title": "Motivation Monday: Kindness Matters!", "content_html": "

\"Kindness “Just be kind because…kindness matters!”

\n

I miss Mr. Rogers. I want to go see the Tom Hanks movie while it’s in the theater because I need a giant dose of his goodness. I wonder what he would think of our “neighborhood” now? After a week of watching grown a$$ men on national television acting like petulant two years olds (and I’m not choosing sides here…there was all kinds of nasty all the way around)…kindness seems to have left the building.

\n

But has it really gone away completely? Or is it just buried somewhere below the fold because, like sex, all forms of violence sells much more than kindness? I comb the news everyday for the feel-good stories….for the tales of heroes and shining stars. They’re out there…but man, you sure have to look hard for them.

\n

Let’s look at some inspiring stories that happened this month. After a scheduling snafu at a Waffle House in Birmingham, Alabama left a young man all alone to man the entire restaurant, kind customers noticed what was happening and jumped in to do everything from wash dishes to wait tables and deliver food. No one made a big deal about it. They just got up and helped…no questions asked.

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The manager of a New York Bagel shop got a frantic call from a customer. She left her car keys on the counter of the bagel shop. She had left her car running while she ran in to pick up her order and didn’t miss the keys till she was at her destination several hours away. At that point, she was unable to start her car. The shop manager jumped in his car, took the keys to the customer in Pennsylvania, then turned right around and drove back so he could open the store the next morning.

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A man with no kids of his own paid off the lunch debt for every child in nine Florida schools.

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A boss paid off his employee’s mortgage so the Vietnam vet could retire.

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A hospital in Pittsburgh knitted little cardigans and dressed every baby like Mr. Rogers for World Kindness Day.

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There are kind people out there. Please don’t let the nastiness we see color the way we see everyone. One of the most important things I learned from the hearings last week is this…Russia is very, very busy sowing seeds of discord in our country. They want neighbor to turn against neighbor. They are the ones sitting back in glee, watching our country self destruct. 

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I say we fight back. I say we stand up and say enough is enough. When I wasn’t spending every day at the farm anymore, I walked around the perimeter of the property with my grandma’s Bible and proclaimed to the enemy that he had no dominion there to protect the home and property. We can do the same thing for our homes, our cars, our property, our neighborhoods. We can proclaim our boundaries. We can reclaim our lives. We can salvage kindness, and it may not be easy.

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Look for the helpers. Ask for discernment and watch out for the insidious encroachment of evil in our midst. Stop reacting to everything and ask yourself, “Is this information true? Where/who is it coming from?” I know you can’t put smoke back in a bottle, but we can sure try to raise the kindness titer in this world by spreading it in our own sphere of influence. There IS good…you just have to change your focus and look for it.

\n

❤️

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“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,”\n

Galatians 5:22 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-25T02:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/25/motivation-monday-kindness-matters.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/24/refill-your-cup.html", "title": "Refill Your Cup", "content_html": "

\"Baby “You can’t fill someone else with an empty cup.”

\n

I met the Coffee Divas from my high school class yesterday. We try to meet once a month or so but I’ve been gone so much this year, it’s been a little less than that. When I returned from my WV tour in the Girl Camper charity raffle trailer, I was really ready to just be at home for a little bit. I wouldn’t say I was burned out…that sounds so negative and it wasn’t a negative kind of feeling at all. I just missed home and missed my sweet Mr. FixIt and I was ready to just be in one place and not move for a while.

\n

There were eight of us at coffee yesterday. We are all so different…yet so similar. We’ve gone through a lot of the same things…sometimes at the same time…sometimes not. The wonderful thing about being “of a certain age” is our ability to relate to so many different experiences. One of my friends lost her mom a year ago Friday. She’s been experiencing all the things the come with that and I was so happy to see her reaching out as she lifts herself up from that slump we all go through in the year after a significant loss.

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One of the gals had never been to one of our coffees. She knew some of us but not all. I never knew her in school, but she knew Mr. FixIt. She is introverted, as so many are. And she was stretching her boundaries to reach out and make new friends. That is not an easy thing to do when you’re sixty-six. We welcomed her with open arms. I watched a change come over her as the two hours passed. When she came in, her shoulders were tense…her eyes searching for a familiar face. By the time she left, her eyes danced and her dazzling smile said she had reached a happy place. Her cup was being filled.

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As we chatted about the places we find ourselves on this journey, I told the girls we cannot expect to fill others with an empty cup. We have to get replenished…to drink from the well and be filled ourselves. I told them…it is not selfish to practice self-care. I love that we are there for each other…this variety of women whose singular most common thread is the high school class we graduated from.

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I feel so much better now after being home a few weeks. I’ve rested. I’m sleeping well. I’ve had lots of hugs from my sweetheart and snuggled my great grandbabies. This week is Thanksgiving. Our plans are fluid. We might go to my cousin’s house. We might just stay home. Our local family Thanksgiving celebration is next Sunday. This is a week for all of us to reflect on the blessings we have…whether we are on the mountain top…or in a dark valley. 

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This is our time to look for ways to fill up our cups. When I look to God first as my Source, I’m filled with Living Water. When I look to my loved ones second, I’m filled with the blessings He has already given me. As you walk into this week, may you remember to fill your cup first so you can be a fount of inspiration for others. And may you encounter peace and love.

\n

❤️

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“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”\n

Romans 15:13 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-24T02:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/24/refill-your-cup.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/20/story-update-little-gwen.html", "title": "Story Update: Little Gwen", "content_html": "

\"Toddler “We’ve been following Little Gwen since she was born with Arthrogryposis. Look…she’s standing!!!”

\n

Last year I wrote about little Gwen. Her grandma is my friend, Jody who graduated with Daughter #1. Gwen was born with Arthrogryposis. I posted a picture of her back then with her little twisted legs and hands. One knee bent completely backwards and her foot sat in front of her face. Her jaw is severely recessed and because of that, her swallowing is restricted. She has had a feeding tube ever since she was a newborn. 

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God knew what He was doing when He brought Gwen to her family. I can’t imagine any family any better equipped to handle the severe challenges that lay in front of them. They stand up and deliver the very best for Gwen and are her true champions. 

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Gwen has had more than her share of setbacks in her short life with frequent hospitalizations. In spite of the Arthrogryposis, she has come further than anyone could have imagined. She has the best medical team around and has made great strides.

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Her legs are straight now but she still wears braces to help keep them growing right. Her little feet aren’t moving with the braces like they had hoped so she may need to have surgery to fix them. These are difficult decisions for young parents to make. This surgery may help her feet move into a better position. However, it can also condemn her to wearing braces on her legs the rest of her life. That’s a lot to consider. It isn’t an emergency, so Mom and Dad are getting a second opinion.

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I wanted to share Gwen’s most recent photo. This picture just warmed my heart. Look at her standing up! I’m so happy for her and her family. They’ve worked so hard to see every little milestone. I know they get discouraged from time to time, but they are the first to get right back up and encourage Gwennie to be her best little self…no matter what life brings her way!

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Won’t you join me in lifting Gwen and her family up in prayer? Pray that they find the perfect solution for her little feet. Pray that her body gets strong and that illness stays away from her. Pray for strength and courage, joy and peace for her and her entire family. They are a faith-filled family and know where their every blessing comes from. Praises for her accomplishments.

\n

We love you, little Gwen! Keep up the good work and remember, God is with you always!

\n

❤️

\n
“Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.””\n

Luke 14:12-14 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-20T02:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/20/story-update-little-gwen.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Love","God","Peace","Courage","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/19/healing-and-scars-and-joy.html", "title": "Healing and Scars and Joy", "content_html": "

\"Grief “Although grief is never finished, healing can occur and you can use your scars to help others.”

\n

Grief doesn’t run in a straight line. Anything but. We’d love to see the slow and steady climb from that deep, dark valley head right up the side of that mountain to joy. But, unfortunately…it just doesn’t happen that way. Grief runs all skwiggly-skwog…up and down, back and forth, around and around and around. 

\n

At first you don’t think you are making any progress at all. You can’t feel anything but pain. You cant see two minutes in front of you. It’s a bloody wonder we survive at all. The world is dark. No color…no sound…and certainly no joy.

\n

One of the things people had the hardest time understanding in my early writing was the “gems in the flames”. I always looked for those gifts God left for me along my path as he led me through the fire. This wasn’t just a Pollyanna attempt to keep my glass half full. This was an exercise in faith knowing that…even in my darkest, most painful moments…my cup was still full to overflowing because Jesus was in that valley with me. Urging me on. Asking me to trust Him and just take one more step.

\n

It’s easy to have faith when things are looking good. When you’re standing on the mountaintop and you’re feeling great, you may even forget to thank God for carrying you through the muck. Or, you might throw a cursory “Thanks!” His way then think “I’ve got this!” No, it’s when you’re down at your lowest…when life is hard and painful and dirty and ugly…and you beg for God to catch you and bring you out of this that you lean in closest.

\n

When you’re walking the road of grief and things hurt so bad and grieving tears your heart out of your chest, you may very well be tempted to take a shortcut. Circumvent the whole process, push that nasty wad of grief way, way down deep inside and slap a smile on your face. Because, let’s face it…that’s what the world is usually asking you to do. “Aren’t you over this yet?” “You just need to _____________” (fill in the blank with any of a zillion suggestions you receive). The sheer variety of platitudes is mind numbing. 

\n

Oh, you can try to walk around it or climb under it, but one of these days, that bandage is going to come off and you’re going to have to face grief head on and it’s going to be ten times worse than it was before. At least, that’s what happened with me when I tried to date someone way…WAY too soon after Mr. Virgo died. 

\n

Even four years after Mr. Virgo died and I started dating Mr. Fixit, I was still pretty broken. Fortunately, he has a huge heart and an infinite amount of patience with me. He allowed me to talk it all through with him. He’s a great listener. Then one day, I didn’t feel compelled to talk about it as much and my heart truly started to heal. 

\n

Mr. Virgo came along when I was in a really vulnerable place. I had gone through a particularly difficult and ugly breakup/divorce five years before. And still, for the first year, that man listened oh so patiently as I went though all the gory details and told him every sad and angry story. He saw the potential and he invested in our love. 

\n

Both of these men love me with the white hot heat of the sun. Neither relationship would have ever worked had I not already worked through a lot of the pain of grief…both that of divorce and that of death. Those two men I dated between Mr. Virgo’s death and Mr. FixIt’s arrival though? Oy! I bled all over them from wounds they never caused. It wasn’t fair to them. I hate that I was blind and couldn’t see past my own need for a tourniquet.

\n

Fortunately, I did come to some understanding how unfair it was to another person to try to have a relationship too soon. That’s when I stopped trying to date and started a serious relationship with Jesus. Then…when I was in a much better place…I was ready to open my heart and try again. It isn’t easy. There’s nothing about grief that is easy. And if you are in the throes of it, you will not understand this, but…I’ve come to look at every situation with a level of Joy. Maybe not jump up and down happy-happy joy. But with the Joy of knowing I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and will never, ever leave me. I have Jesus to hang onto when I go through the worst of situations. THAT Joy….that Joy with a capital “J”. 

\n

There is Joy in the scars because you have the opportunity to share your story with others. You have the opportunity to reach back to others coming behind you who are trying to find their footing in their pain. Your scars give you the freedom to love others. Your scars give you validity. They show others they aren’t alone. And when you can be there for another who hurts like you once hurt, you give the greatest gift possible. Empathy. 

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You don’t have to have flowery words. You don’t have to offer Hallmark phrases. You can give a hug, sit quietly, or just be honest and say, “Whew…I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.” It’s isn’t easy to be there for someone who’s in pain, but it is so fulfilling to know you can somehow help another human being when they’re hurting.

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Being vulnerable. Being available. Being open and honest. That is where I find my Joy in grief.

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❤️

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“Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.”\n

Psalms 30:2 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-19T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/19/healing-and-scars-and-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/06/safety-on-the-road.html", "title": "Safety on the Road", "content_html": "

\"Camping “Being safe in the woods means staying aware of your surroundings and listening to your gut.”

\n

There were only two times on this last trip that my antennae went up as I paid close attention to what was happening around me. The first time was when I was at Calhoun County Park trying to see a meteor shower. This park only has eight campsites in the first place. And I was there in the middle of the week after school started so there was no one up there camping. There were people in the community building both evenings but they didn’t come over near me.

\n

Sometime after dark on the second night, a car drove slowly by my camper out to the end of the park and stayed there for about ten minutes. I turned off all the lights in the camper and peeked out from behind the blinds. The car came back and just drove right on by without slowing down, so the tension in my shoulders eased. Mr. FixIt told me he very nearly came out to camp with me out there but he resisted the urge.

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The second time I was even remotely concerned was at the last campground I stayed. Twin Falls is stunningly beautiful, as you can tell by the photos I took. But the campground itself is located on the very top of a long and winding mountain, pretty far away from the main park buildings. At this time of year, the campground office and store is closed and there wasn’t a campground host.

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On the first night, I read the story about the couple who were boondocking on South Padre Island and went missing. Then surveillance video showed a man and woman, not the owners, driving the truck and camper across the border into Mexico. They were later found buried in shallow graves on the beach. This freaked me out, I will not lie. The next evening, the man who was camping over on the next row walked through the woods between us to come talk to me when I pulled in after spending time at the lodge, writing.

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He told me he had tried to flag down the park worker who had just driven through the campground on a side-by-side but couldn’t catch his attention. He also said he didn’t have a phone so he couldn’t call anyone. He told me someone had come to the bath house earlier in the afternoon and their car was there for a couple of hours. After they had gone, this man went over to the bath house and someone had smeared feces all over one of the stalls in the men’s room. 

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Ok, that was creepy, but the man seemed harmless enough. After all, he introduced himself by name. And I know stuff happens in campgrounds. I know how to handle myself and to watch what’s going on. I told him I would let someone at the park office know what had happened and he was grateful. As he turned to leave, he swung back around with a big smile and said, “I suppose you saw me all over the news last night!”

\n

Um…no, I did not. I thought to myself…what did you do that put you on the news?

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I swung the door of my truck closed. Then he proceeded to tell me he rode his bicycle all the way from California to look for the father he never knew. Apparently the news had followed him across the country on his quest. I wished him luck finding his dad and I went to tell someone about the men’s room.

\n

That was the night when the truck started making a grinding noise and the first thing that went through my head was “What do I do if I get stuck here? What if the bathroom vandal came back? What if “Bicycle Man” wanted to get friendly?” My imagination started to get the better of me and I had to pray myself to peace. And ask my gal pals to pray for me as well. And, I texted Mr. FixIt to come “help me check out this truck”. 

\n

I wasn’t really scared. But I was leery. And I was tired and a little road weary after six weeks of camping. It didn’t hurt a bit to get my strong, capable husband to come help me out and be my encourager. He told me he ran into one of my friends at the mall that week. She had been reading about my journey and she told Mr. FixIt she didn’t think she could do that and didn’t I get scared?

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“Nope! She’s the bravest woman I know!” 

\n

Knowing he feels that way about me, and that he worries but lets me have my lead, makes me feel wonderful. I have spoken with my closest friends about this….I could never, EVER have done what I’m doing while I was married to Mr. Virgo. Not only did I lack the self confidence, but he would NOT have liked me being gone. He didn’t like me being gone for the weekend to Denver to see the kids. He wouldn’t have stood for me being gone the majority of six weeks. As a matter of fact, when we first started dating, he said he wasn’t interested in dating someone who wanted to spend much time apart. 

\n

Mr. Virgo liked me being right there with him. When he watched TV, he liked me to watch TV with him. He didn’t like it if I was on the computer or the iPad or the phone either. Because, he wanted to discuss the show with me during the commercials. I did these things because I loved him, not because I loved watching TV. When you’re married, you do things sometimes that you don’t particularly enjoy. It’s called compromise.

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Mr. FixIt came into my life when I was a free-spirited, independent, remote-camping gypsy who spends long hours writing. He knew what he was getting and gives me space to grow and spread my wings. That’s one of the things I love about him. I make it up to him by traveling and going to the beach and never saying a word about his bowling two nights a week. I cook him yummy meals and take him camping whenever I can. We treat each other with respect, honoring each other’s interests, and we have a lot of fun together.

\n

It’s a win-win for us both.

\n

❤️

\n
“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”\n

Ephesians 5:33 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-06T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/06/safety-on-the-road.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Camping","West Virginia","Growth","goRVing","Wisdom","Courage","Warning","Choices","Widow","Road Trip","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/30/premonitions-and-pioneers.html", "title": "Premonitions and Pioneers", "content_html": "

\"Pioneer ‘Visiting a Pioneer Farm is a step back in time.”

\n

Yesterday was a strange day from the get go. I woke up at 3:30 in the morning knowing something wasn’t right. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. After determining I hadn’t eaten anything that would cause such a feeling, I got up, wrapped my camp jacket around me and stepped outside to look at the stars. The sky was crystal clear and the stars looked so close you could just reach up and touch them. I stood there for awhile in my bare feet letting the energy from the earth seep up through my body. When I was sufficiently chilled, literally and figuratively, I went back to bed. But I couldn’t get back to sleep until dawn.

\n

I finally woke up at around 10:00…absolutely unheard of for me these days. I’m usually awake with the chickens. I stumbled around, did my morning toilette, then dressed and cleaned the camper. Finally around 11:30, I packed up my writing implements and headed for the lodge and good WiFi. I created a movie of the best photos I’d taken on this WV tour and wrote till about 3:00 in the afternoon. 

\n

I headed to the Pioneer Farm that’s on the back of the park property. This farm was abandoned for a long time, but people were always vandalizing it so now there is a farmer and his family living here. There was no one home when I was there so I wandered around taking pictures and marveling at its timeless beauty. I sat for a while and watched two horses and a donkey browse on the sparse grass in the meadow and felt more peaceful than I had most of the day.

\n

On my way back to the campground, I stopped at the Nature Center and introduced myself to the Naturalist. Tammy is a cat bird. She has a coal country drawl that put me in mind of the Deep South but she assured me she was born and raised within a stone’s throw of the park. She apologized that she had recently let all the critters go. She normally traps possums and raccoons, tags them, and keeps them in the Nature Center for a few weeks to teach people about them. Then she sends them back off into the wild to track their whereabouts and traps another one to tag.

\n

Tammy wasn’t originally hired to be a Park Naturalist. She was supposed to be a campground attendant. She doesn’t have a degree in biology, but she has a knack for nature…two and four legged. She was taking campers for nature hikes when the Park Administrators saw they had a gem in Tammy and told her she should apply for the Naturalist position. And the rest is history. She was a delight to talk with. She smiled as I left and called after me…”Put me in your book!” You bet I will, Tammy!

\n

As I was pulling back into the campground, it happened. There was a low grinding noise coming from my truck and I knew that is where my uneasiness was coming from. Something hasn’t been quite right with the truck for a couple of days but I just couldn’t discern exactly what was troubling me. A sound, maybe? A smell, perhaps? Whatever it was, I kept shifting it to the back of my mind…yet still monitored the situation.

\n

When I heard that noise, I knew there was something mechanically wrong with the truck. And that puts me in an uncomfortable position. First, I am here alone. There are two other campers in all of the campground and I am grateful for them. But they aren’t going to help me in this situation. I do not like being in a situation I cannot get out of quickly. It stems from being trapped in a garage as a young child and sexually assaulted. To say I have control issues is putting it mildly.

\n

I went into the camper and made myself sit down and think. What I wanted to do was hook up the camper and get out of here, but of course…that wasn’t the right thing to do. I texted Mr. FixIt but I knew he was working and his phone would be in the truck. Then I texted my besties, Janine and Gail, and asked them to pray that I would calm down and everything would work out. Within minutes I felt much better and realized this whole thing is an adventure and an educational opportunity, so why not make the most of it!

\n

Mr. FixIt called me a few hours later and he’s going to drive down this morning. He’ll check out my truck. We can tow the camper with his truck. And, either he’ll follow me to a mechanic or we’ll have the truck towed. That’s what I have AAA Plus for. We’ll go home tomorrow. I am so grateful for my friends who pray for me. And I am exceedingly grateful for a wonderful husband who takes good care of me. Wouldn’t you know it would happen at the last park on the last day? But I’m exactly where I should be. I have everything I need right here and I can get some work done while I wait. Thank God I wasn’t pulling the camper up the side of the mountain with no cell service!

\n

❤️

\n
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”\n

Philippians 4:19 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-30T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/30/premonitions-and-pioneers.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Camping","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage","Warning","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Change","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/29/welcome-to-my-living-room.html", "title": "Welcome to my Living Room!", "content_html": "

\"Woman “The camper is the kitchen, bath, and bedroom…the great outdoors is where I live!”

\n

I got to my new campsite in the middle of the afternoon. The mountains I drove over yesterday weren’t anything like the ones last week but man, the road up into the campground here at the park is really, really steep! This truck did a great job pulling the r-pod in these West Virginia hills. When I arrived at my site, I was amazed to have this entire mountaintop to myself! I didn’t have any concerns about that, but I was pleased to see two more couples come into the campground with trailers. 

\n

It’s quiet as a church mouse up here. I heard some owls just after dark and a coal train. And the squirrels were in the hickory trees all around me all afternoon. I opened the awning and set up my chair outside and enjoyed the 75° temps and the warm sunshine. A few weeks ago, I purchased an adapter for my tripod so I could use the iPad as a camera. I got it out and played with it for awhile. I had a blast setting the timer for 10 seconds then running to see if I could get in the picture in time!

\n

I wanted to tell you about what happened yesterday. I always sit in my truck before I pull out and pray for travel mercies. I list off all the things I’m going to be talking with Him about as I drive. Then I pray the Prayer of Jabez and ask Him to send me whoever He needs me to talk with that day. I hadn’t driven a hundred feet when I came around a corner and there was a whole crowd of folks my age sitting around a campfire. I stopped and rolled down my window.

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“You kids look like you’re having entirely too much fun!”

\n

“Oh, we are!!!” Everyone turned around and smiled and waved. We made some small talk and one of the gals asked if I was traveling alone. I told her all about Girl Campers and how I’m taking this camper around for a few months and we are raffling it off. One thing led to another and the subject of my writing came up. When I told them my writing is faith based and that I even have a Sunday Evening Prayer Circle, one woman came over and took my hand and asked if I would pray for her granddaughter who is sick with ulcerative colitis. I opened my blog and added her name to the prayer list. Before I left them, I took their hands and prayed with them…right there in the campground. God is so good…I asked, He delivered. Immediately! I know it happens so often, I shouldn’t be amazed. But I am always in awe at that.

\n

I’m in the home stretch of the West Virginia tour now. Just one, maybe two more nights and I’ll be back at the Ponderosa for a few days. It’s been such an amazing trip and I’ve seen some beautiful places. I’m looking forward to heading south next week. If you all have any recommendations for campgrounds or state parks in Virginia, Tennessee, North Carolina, and South Carolina…I’d love to hear them!

\n

❤️

\n
“Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.” Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.”\n

1 Chronicles 4:9-10 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/29/welcome-to-my-living-room.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Prayer","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Be Joyful!","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/27/between-the-trees.html", "title": "Between the Trees", "content_html": "

\"Autumn “Sitting by the river is soothing to the soul.”

\n

Being a writer is a wonderful thing. I can get lost in a blank page, creating worlds from my thoughts. It’s like magic…making something from nothing. I pray over my keyboard. I ask God to bring me words to say and people who need them. I am humbled when someone reaches out and tells me how my words have encouraged them or helped to ease the pain of their particular loss. I am quick to tell them…it is not me. I am merely the transcriptionist.

\n

When I pray the Prayer of Jabez, I ask for God to give me those Blessings with my name on them. I ask Him to expand my territory and to walk with His hand over me to keep evil far from me so that I may not feel/cause pain. I love when He brings people to me. It happens daily and I am so blessed by His generosity.

\n

As I sat yesterday in the r-pod, working on a writing project, I noticed the camper next door had turned their outdoor speakers up and were playing loud music. Not over-the-top loud…just annoying because it was disturbing my flow. I stopped and looked at the clock. Just after noon. I had been working straight through since breakfast. I sighed and closed my iPad.

\n

Should I go say something to the people? Should I give them a stern look as I pass by? Should I report them to the park office? I sat and prayed for discernment and wisdom. As I washed up the breakfast dishes, I looked out and there were two children…maybe ‘tweens…carving pumpkins! They didn’t have their noses glued to an electronic device. They were camping with their family and doing fun, creative things in the outdoors.

\n

I smiled as I dried my hands. Just WHO is the one with her nose glued to an electronic device? Oh, yes…that would be ME! I laughed as I looked up and said, “Ok, ok…I get the hint!” After taking a look around the camper to make sure things were unplugged and safe to leave, I donned my jacket and headed to the Fall Harvest Festival. 

\n

I watched a chainsaw artist carve a bear out of a log. I sat and listened to some live Bluegrass music. I went to the river and sat in a chair and read for an hour. I put my book away and just breathed in the smells of the day. The aroma of good food from the lodge kitchen. The smell of wet leaves and swift river water. The earthy smell of wool as the sun warmed my sweater. I closed my eyes and listened to children throwing rocks in the river and an elderly couple chatting softly as they walked slowly by…their feet shuffling through the leaves.

\n

I thanked God for reminding me to remove the plank in my own eye before I asked my neighbor to remove the sliver from theirs. 

\n

It was a really good day.

\n

❤️

\n
“You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”\n

Matthew 7:5 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-27T01:30:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/27/between-the-trees.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/26/time-travel.html", "title": "Time Travel", "content_html": "

\"Coffee “Coffee and sunshine and a little nosh!”

\n

As I explored the latest West Virginia State Park on my camping itinerary yesterday, I took a king sized jump back in time. The last time I was at this particular park was with Hubby #2. I can’t tell you the year, but my guess is it was the summer of 1979, although it could have been later. I remember bits and pieces of that trip. I remember feeling so extravagant to travel to such beautiful places. We stayed a night in this lodge I am sitting in as I write this post. Oh, my…so much water over the dam since then.

\n

I sat there in the morning sunshine, watching the river making riffles on the smooth stones below. The trees are yellow and brown and still-green here. Tiny little splashes of red and orange peek through as you move your eyes across the steep hillside at the far edge of the river. By 1:00 in the afternoon, the brilliant sun of morning gave way to the clouds portending the heavy storms predicted this weekend.

\n

I haven’t met a West Virginia State Park I haven’t liked. This trip has seriously been magical and something my heart and soul so desperately needed, if for no other reason that to remind me how dearly I love Mr. FixIt. Not that there has ever been a question. We all have a tendency to get wrapped up in the busyness of life and forget to stop and appreciate what we have. I’m just as guilty of that as anyone.

\n

Getting away also reminds me of the independence I cultivated for my self after Mr. Virgo died. I either got out and had adventures, or I would spend the rest of my life sitting at home alone. And that is just not me. I need solitude from time to time…to refresh and recharge and stretch my abilities. When I do that, I am a much better partner for my husband. I am more patient, more loving, and decidedly happier. This is a benefit for both of us.

\n

I’ve been gone for quite a bit this year. Between Girl Camping trips, six weeks in Colorado for my daughter’s wedding, and this Charity Trailer Raffle Tour, I think I have spent more time away from home than I was there. I have a patient husband, to be sure. But we are missing each other a lot so we are working on our itinerary for the next two months and figuring out the best way to travel AND be together.

\n

It is supposed to rain a lot this weekend so I’ve saved my writing and indoor projects till then. I need to take advantage of the sunshine when I can. When I woke up yesterday morning, it was 37 degrees. By the time I rousted myself to get coffee, it was 8:00 and 42 degrees. I took the electric griddle outside and cooked with it sitting on the picnic table. I fried a whole package of bacon and carefully placed the cooked strip between layers of paper towels and slipped the entire batch into a zip lock bag. Stored in the refrigerator, these will be eaten up long before they would spoil. I did the same with a batch of pancakes and stored them two to a sandwich bag. That way, I’ve cooked several days of breakfasts ahead of time. When it’s raining this weekend, I can still have outdoor cooked meals.

\n

As I finished writing this piece, I watched a little boy, maybe four or five years old…walking along the river. Bright yellow leaves rained down around him. With hands reached out, he laughed as he tried to catch them…his feet crunching on those he missed. He picked up rocks on the river bank and watched out for his little brother toddling along behind him. They were out with their dad. I love seeing dads with their littles…teaching, loving, experiencing the joy of the day. I close with this thought. Wouldn’t it be a better world if the littles spent more time outside with their dads? Or moms, if dad isn’t around? Or with anyone who loves them and wants to teach them about the world and about life? Wouldn’t it be better than handing a child an electronic device to keep them quiet…engaged in learning what someone else is teaching them? Maybe something that isn’t reflective of your values? I’m not being judgmental here. There were plenty of times I let my own little watch too much TV in order to have some peace. It just seems we are raising a generation that’s greatest skill is dissociation. I’m not sure how you put the smoke back in the bottle.

\n

With that thought, I have spent entirely too much of my morning sitting here with my own set of electronic diversions so I’m heading out to enjoy this day before the rains come and I get stuck inside. I hope you have a beautiful weekend wherever you are. Put the phone down…go outside and play. You’re never too old to “go places and do things”, as the Girl Campers say!

\n

❤️

\n
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”\n

Proverbs 22:6 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-26T01:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/26/time-travel.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow","Road Trip","Littles","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/16/eat-pray-camp.html", "title": "Eat, Pray, Camp!", "content_html": "

\"R-pod “The r-pod 196 nestled in the trees at Cedar Creek State Park near Glenville, WV”

\n

I moved to the next campground easily enough yesterday morning. Mr. FixIt met me at the McDonald’s in Glenville for breakfast so I could get my travel coordinates before we parted company for another couple of weeks. We had the BEST weekend! It was our first wedding anniversary, which I had told you about. When he arrived at the campground Saturday night, he greeted me with a dozen roses and a sweet card. I greeted him with a warm supper and a big hug. We hiked, biked, and chatted with folks he knew in the campground. (Have I told you he knows EVERYONE?!) We rested and watched movies and took naps. And we just flat out enjoyed not having cell service or TV to distract us from enjoying each other’s company. It was wonderful!

\n

Speaking of no cell service, we had just finished eating lunch out in front of our camper on Monday when Mr. FixIt’s phone rang! We could barely hear a woman’s voice and she was saying something about coming to the office. We thought it must have something to do with his insurance policy because the call came from his agent’s office. That was really weird.

\n

After lunch, we decided to go for a bike ride around the state park. It’s such a great place to ride bikes because the campground is essentially flat. When we got back to the camper, Mr. FixIt reached to remove his wallet from his back pocket and…it was GONE! We looked in both trucks and all over the camper and campsite, but he figured he had to have lost it when he was riding his bike.

\n

I hadn’t realized till I got back to the camper that he wasn’t right behind me. I got off my bike and took off my helmet and gloves and here he came. It turned out he had gotten his shoe lace wrapped around the bike pedal and had to stop at the camp store to get untangled. He assumed that is where he lost the wallet. So, we got in the truck. I prayed out loud.

\n

“Jesus, please help us find my husband’s wallet!”

\n

We took off driving very slowly…looking for a brown wallet amongst the equally brown leaves all over the roadway. We hadn’t had any luck when we passed a couple out for a walk. 

\n

“You haven’t happened to find a wallet, have you?”

\n

“Nope…sorry. We haven’t seen a thing!”

\n

“Ok, we’ll keep looking. Thanks!”

\n

While we were talking to the couple who were walking, another couple rode past us on their bikes on the other side of the truck.

\n

Suddenly, we heard the walking couple.

\n

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

\n

I looked in the rear view mirror and they were waving us back and pointing at the couple on the bike. The bikers rode up to us.

\n

“You looking for a wallet? I just turned one in at the park headquarters building! They have it waiting for you!”

\n

I stuck my hand out the window and looked up and shouted, “Thank you, Jesus!!!”

\n

We drove on up to the building at the park entrance and sure enough, it was Mr. FixIt’s wallet…intact with his one lone dollar bill and his credit cards. As we were driving back to the camper, he looked at me and said, “Man, that was really lucky!”

\n

I looked at him with a level stare and said, “No, honey…luck had nothing to do with that. What did I do as soon as we got in the truck? I prayed that Jesus would help us find your wallet, didn’t I?” He nodded in agreement. “Then, we asked the walkers if they found a wallet and they didn’t. But they asked the bikers, and THEY did…and had turned it in. All in the space of about ten minutes after I prayed! That was a prayer answered, sweetheart…plain and simple.”

\n

He had to agree. Especially when we were sitting at breakfast yesterday and he checked his phone.

\n

“Huh…I have a missed call.” It was from the same number that got through in an area with no phone service. They had called back and left us this message.

\n

“Hi there…this is __________ from you insurance agent’s office. We received a call from the folks at Cedar Creek State Park saying someone found your wallet. You need to check in with the headquarters office to get it back.”

\n

I looked at Mr. FixIt and smiled. “See? You can add getting a phone call in an area with no cell service about your lost wallet to the list of steps God took to return it to you!”

\n

I’m gobsmacked when God does these things…especially when it shows another person that He’s really REAL and cares about ALL the things, not just the big stuff. Even a wallet that falls out in the leaves.

\n

❤️

\n
“If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.”\n

John 15:7 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-16T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/16/eat-pray-camp.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Choices","Be Joyful!","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/10/what-would-grandma-say.html", "title": "What Would Grandma Say?", "content_html": "

\"RP196\" “Autumn Glow Lights up the R-Pod”

\n

I camped the last two nights at a park hardly anyone knows about and I’d almost like to keep it that way. Except…it’s so uber cool, I just have to share. I’ve written about Calhoun County Park before. Mr. FixIt and I took a drive out here once and took pictures of the Heritage Village…a collection of buildings that were transported here and restored. There’s an old general store, a school house, a church, and a post office among others. The post office was from Freed…not too far from Grandma’s farm. Grandma introduced me to some of the Freed family.

\n

When we came out to the park that time, we saw a little campground and I was intrigued. As it turns out, Calhoun County Park is a designated “dark sky site”…meaning there is minimal light pollution and it’s easy to see the stars. The last couple of nights were peak meteor events. The first night was blanketed in dense cloud cover but last night was clear as a bell. Still, at the time I am writing this, I haven’t seen any.

\n

When I got up yesterday morning and went outside, there was something about the light and sounds and smells that took me straight back to my childhood. Grandma’s farm is probably 15 miles or so from here as the crow flies so I’m practically camping in the backyard. It got me to thinking about her and what she might think of this little adventure I’m on. 

\n

My grandma always loved me, but she…like several of my family members…thought maybe I was a full bubble off the level. I have always marched to my own drum and never really did things in a traditional way. Here I am, out on 258 acres and not a soul in sight. Oh, there were some folks up at the community building the last couple of nights. And yesterday a state patrolman came through the park on his rounds. But that’s the extent of it. Grandma would think I was off my rocker!

\n

Was I scared? Not really. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a care in the world, but fear didn’t really enter into the picture. I have protection. I have street smarts. I know the fire department is only a couple of miles away and I passed a policeman’s house not a mile from the park. Mr. FixIt is 20 minutes away at the Ponderosa. I have great cell service. I’m good. 

\n

I decided yesterday was a good day to figure out how to use the convection function on the convection microwave. On the R-Pod Owners V2 Facebook page, they talk about the “Cinnamon Roll Challenge” so I decided to bake some. Granted, they were from a can, but baking is baking, right?

\n

It took me a little bit to figure out how to work the stove. I read the directions but it wasn’t until I watched a YouTube video that I totally figured it out. I baked the rolls…5 in the can…and iced them. I ate one and packaged the others for the freezer because Mr. FixIt is going to join me this weekend for another weekend of camping. AND…our first wedding anniversary is Sunday, so what better way to celebrate than getting lost in the woods with my sweetie?!

\n

The autumn colors have really shown up the last couple of days and I’m in the most beautiful state to enjoy it. Almost Heaven…West Virginia! Today, I head to another State Park to enjoy more scenery and color!

\n

❤️

\n
“Let the trees of the forest sing, let them sing for joy before the Lord, for he comes to judge the earth.”\n

1 Chronicles 16:33 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-10T01:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/10/what-would-grandma-say.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","goRVing","Peace","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/09/check-engine-light.html", "title": "Check Engine Light", "content_html": "

\"Check “How many times have you seen this come on…right in front of the dealership?!?!”

\n

I was heading through Marietta, Ohio yesterday afternoon on my way from one campground to the next. My preferred Ford dealer is there and as I was driving by, I got “the nudge”. The thought went through my mind…“Check your engine light!” Literally…I was right in front of the dealership when I looked down and…

\n

It was ON!!!

\n

I kid you not! I got goose bumps. Ok…I drove down a block, turned around, and came back. I pulled up as close to the service entrance as I could while pulling a camper behind me. Luke, the Service Supervisor, came out and checked the truck with the computer. One of the oxygen sensors was bad. They checked and had one in stock and they had a free technician. I unhooked the camper, pulled the truck in, and went out to the camper to stretch out and read. An hour later, they called and the truck was ready.

\n

You cannot tell me prayer doesn’t work. You cannot tell me the Holy Spirit doesn’t guide us. How many of you sent up prayers and good thoughts for travel mercies for me yesterday? Well, they worked…and I thank you for those prayers!

\n

But most of all, I thank God for always watching out for me. I love it when He comes through with a megaphone because there was absolutely nothing subtle about that call. Wowza!

\n

I got to the next campground just before dusk. I never reveal where I am in real time when I’m traveling alone so I’ll have to let you know the day after I leave. But, talk about peace and quiet…it’s crazy quiet here. I was hoping to see the night sky, but the clouds stole in just as I was unhooking. Maybe tonight. In the meantime…great cell service and a deadline to meet. What a great place to write!

\n

❤️

\n
“When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?”\n

Psalms 8:3-4 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-09T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/09/check-engine-light.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Camping","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/09/there-is-another.html", "title": "There is Another", "content_html": "

\"Worship “There is another who stands with us in the fire….always.”

\n

I cannot tell you how many times I have felt alone in my life. Totally alone. Totally forgotten. Maybe not totally worthless…but pretty darned close sometimes. When I went through my formal conversion to Judaism just before my second child was born, part of the process was to sit before the Bet Din…the Jewish Tribunal Court that determines your suitability. Did you learn all you needed to learn? Are you converting for your faith…or for your husband? How will you accomplish the very important aspect of the Jewish faith…being a contributing member of the synagogue?

\n

These were the easy questions. I had already lived a Jewish life for 12 years. This conversion was merely a formality so that our child would be considered by other Jews to be Jewish once she was born. The difficult question came last.

\n

“Do you renounce Jesus as your personal savior?”

\n

I thought I would fly through these questions without giving them a second thought. But this question….this…betrayal to all I had learned as a child hit something deep within me I didn’t even realize was there. But what was I to do? I was pregnant out to here and my nice Jewish doctor-husband was sitting on the other side of the door, waiting for me. 

\n

“I have obligations to my family,” I thought to myself. “I have people depending on me to show up as a Jew…not the least of which is my unborn child.”

\n

So, I said yes…and that’s where the trouble started. I felt God…I don’t know…step back, for lack of a better description. From that moment on…for the next ten years…I felt alone. Forsaken, as I had forsaken Jesus. Granted, I had not recognized him as the Son of God at that point. I had never invited Him into my life. I had never given over to Him and called Him Lord. I guess, in that moment, I realized He was still in the back of my mind. He was still there. That is, until I kicked Him to the curb in the office of the synagogue that cold and sunny January day.

\n

I didn’t deserve Him. I had shunned Him. I felt there was no forgiveness for such an action and that was where I was left. Dying on the vine from the inside out. Ten years later, after an overdose nearly killed me, I started my long journey back to life and along the way…praise God…I was brought to my knees at the foot of the Cross and came home to Jesus in 2005. Nearly fifteen years ago.

\n

What I’ve learned since then is this: I was never alone in the fire. God was always there with me, no matter how far I tried to push Him away. I spent that whole decade feeling alone and unworthy…far from God on my side of the fence. Yet He sat there patiently watching out for me, patiently waiting for me to cry out for him.

\n

I think of myself as a parent…how sad I have been at times when my children’s focus has them far away from me and how joyful I feel when they call, or reach out to me for something even as mundane as a family recipe. This must be how God feels when we reach our arms out to Him to be held. Like any parent…He loves His children. Like any parent…He rejoices when His children love Him back.

\n

❤️

\n
“How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”\n

Psalms 36:7 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-09T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/09/there-is-another.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/04/the-other-side-of-fear.html", "title": "The Other Side of Fear", "content_html": "

\"\" “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Jack Canfield

\n

I hear from a lot of widows who face fear as one of their most difficult symptoms of grief. Fear of the unknown…fear of being alone…fear of other people’s motives. Navigating grief is difficult enough on it’s own. Add fear, anxiety, and even full blown panic attacks and it ratchets grief up to an unbearable level. 

\n

I’ve always had a bit of an anxious nature. Anticipatory social anxiety. Commonly called “stage fright”. I’ve come a long way in learning to control it. Sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve learned the things I most want to do lie on the other side of that fear, so I have to figure out ways to get through to the other side in order to find my bliss.

\n

The fear I felt early on after losing Mr. Virgo was different than my usual pre-speech jitters. It was hold-onto-the-edge-of-the-mattress-all-night awful. Through trial and error, I’ve learned a lot of skills…tools for my tool box, so to speak. If I feel myself amping up, one of the things that almost immediately calms me down is listening to praise music. If I’m singing at the top of my lungs, its really difficult to be scared. 

\n

I’ve had so many people tell me they would really love to take off camping or traveling by themselves but they are too scared. The bottom line any grief mentor should take is honoring what others are and are not capable of. That being said, if it really is something you want to do, there are ways you can ease into scary situations without jumping in with both feet.

\n

Finding a like-minded friend to do things with can help a lot when it comes to doing new things. Taking little baby steps helps, as well. If your dream is to take a month long trip to Europe but you have panic attacks going to the grocery store, you need to desensitize yourself. Start with little excursions. A short day trip. Repeat till you’re comfortable. Then an overnight, then two…you get the idea. Getting professional help can go a long way toward building your confidence and getting down to the root of the issues you face.

\n

When I was planning the trip to Colorado, my biggest concerns were the social obligations of my daughter’s wedding and being so far away from Mr. FixIt. Losing Mr. Virgo so suddenly brings the possibility of a repeat to the forefront of my imagination. So, yeah…that makes me nervous. The night before the trip, my stomach was in knots but I did my routine and the next morning, I was good to go. It’s not the actual DOING that bothers me…it’s the anticipation. And, sometimes I just have to do the thing and feel the fear.

\n

I’m really excited about the opportunity to take this new camper around. There’s nothing about it that scares me, per se. I may have pre-trip jitters the night before. I may not. Knowing what it is, knowing how to redirect my thinking, knowing just what I need to do helps me feel less out of control and more confident in my own abilities. 

\n

What I want is often on the other side of fear, but that’s exactly what makes the experience so much richer. I know exactly what I had to get through to get there and that makes me brave! After all…so far, I have survived every single experience I’ve encountered in my life!

\n

❤️

\n
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.\"”\n

Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-04T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/04/the-other-side-of-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/03/random-acts-of-kindnesssenseless-acts.html", "title": "Random Acts of Kindness...Senseless Acts of Beauty", "content_html": "

\"Kind “My grandma always said you can catch a lot more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.”

\n

About thirty years ago, a woman named Anne Herbert wrote something on a placemat in a restaurant. “Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.” Since then, countless posters, books, t-shirts, and movies have incorporated this idea of doing something for others…some kindness…without expecting anything in return. Things like paying for the person behind you in the drive through at the local coffee shop. Or, leaving a basket of flowers on someone’s doorstep. Or, something I like to do every once in a while….put a sticky note on a $5 bill with a note like “God loves you!”…then tuck it in a book at the library or a book store. 

\n

Practicing random acts of kindness didn’t start with Ms. Herbert, of course. The original practitioner was Jesus, of course…and we would do well to strive to emulate Him. Being a good person seems to be rapidly going out of style. My dad wasn’t what you would call a profound thinker, but he said one thing that always stuck with me. “Computers will be the downfall of mankind.” I think I rolled my eyes when he said that. But maybe he wasn’t so far off.

\n

I don’t think it’s computers, per se, that will be the downfall of man. I think it’s how computers are used. Social media has created a monster. It’s given people a voice who may never have had one. It’s placed a filter between people….it’s created an US against THEM atmosphere. And, it has taken away the social filter of eye contact, allowing whatever vitriol that comes to mind to flow through the keyboard without repercussion. Cyber bullying isn’t limited to 8th grade girls and misunderstood emo boys. 

\n

I will have to say…thankfully there has been very little in the way of nastiness on this page. I won’t tolerate it and the few times it’s happened, the instigator has been blocked and the offending message deleted. That isn’t the case everywhere. It’s hard to judge the “tone” of a message when it’s written. All it takes is one “rude” comment to unleash a flood of bullying back and forth…and that’s with grown adults!

\n

It’s a new month. School is back in session. I don’t want to wait for Christmas to have the good feels. Let’s go out today and do kind things for people. If it’s not new to you, great! Keep up the good work! If it’s been a while and you’d like to rectify that situation, go out there and do something nice for someone today. And if someone does something nice for you, pay it forward. 

\n

We attract to us what we dish out. If we are negative and uncaring, we just get more of the same. If we are kind and loving, there is a better chance of attracting that same kindness and love. If it doesn’t come right away…keep trying. It never hurts to spread good vibes around the world.

\n

❤️

\n
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”\n

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-03T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/03/random-acts-of-kindnesssenseless-acts.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/02/the-tug-of-war.html", "title": "The Tug of War", "content_html": "

\"Angel “Angel on one hand, devil on the other…trying to have their way with me.”

\n

Mr. FixIt and I haven’t had a lot of time together this summer. I was gone a lot and, even though he joined me for three weeks in Colorado, we both have been working nonstop at this and that since we got home the first week of August. Here it is September already and I’m already preparing to leave again.

\n

We miss being together and we both know the importance of devoting time to our relationship. It’s been really nice this weekend because we took three days off for some much needed R&R. When I woke up yesterday, I was tired. My allergies have been giving me fits creating fluid in my ears which sometimes makes me dizzy. I laid in bed for twenty minutes telling myself it was perfectly fine to stay home…we didn’t have to go to church. I mean…it’s just this once, right? We go almost every Sunday when we are home. That deserves a day off to sleep in. I just didn’t feel good. I didn’t feel like going.

\n

As I let these thoughts run through my mind, I was almost convinced to turn over and go back to sleep when a stern “voice” shook me from my reverie. 

\n

“When you don’t FEEL like going is exactly when you NEED to go!”

\n

I quite literally jumped out of bed.

\n

Ohhhhh….my thinker was what was “sick”. Church is the place it gets healed.

\n

When I’m thinking I don’t need to go to church is exactly when I need it the most. And yesterday, I am not kidding…church felt like plugging in my jet pack. I got fed the energy and grace and love and lessons I needed and I left there convicted. Convinced the place to feel better is to draw closer to Jesus, not turn over and go back to sleep.

\n

It’s not enough to go every Sunday and get plugged in, hoping the charge lasts till the following Sunday. That obviously didn’t work last week because I easily could have opted out. My tug of war pitted the proverbial angel on one hand and devil on the other…each trying to pull me to their side. I know I can’t ever go wrong when I choose Jesus.

\n

The key is to draw closer…constantly. The Bible says we are to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). The way to do that is to turn whatever you are doing into worship. Whether you are singing in the choir or scrubbing toilets, it can be done with a tone of worship and praise. And when we pray, we are to devote ourselves “to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving” (Colossians 4:2)

\n

Just that boost, and the conviction to keep close, has given me rest and regeneration. I feel so much better and not nearly so overwhelmed by all I need to accomplish in the next two weeks. I came to the farm after church…to my place of meditation…to the home of my heart…and enjoyed a quiet evening while Mr. FixIt bowled. Today, I’ll go back home and get some work done. Perhaps I’ll pressure wash the deck!

\n

❤️

\n
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”\n

Romans 12:2 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-02T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/02/the-tug-of-war.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/30/and-i-will-give-you.html", "title": "“...and I Will Give You Rest.”", "content_html": "

\"Broken\" “We can help broken people by touching base with a simple ? or ❤️…just to let them know you’re thinking of them.”

\n

I have spoken with thousands of bereaved people in the last six plus years. I have heard story after story of loss and how their grief affects them. I have learned to keep healthy boundaries so that I don’t internalize the stories and let it affect my well being. This is something I learned in the beginning of my medical career and it’s a valuable tool. 

\n

We all experience loss and grief in our lives. It seems to me, the older I get, the more of it there is to deal with. Just after I graduated from high school, I had my first experience with death. My Pop-Pop died of a heart attack when he was 72. The next year, a couple of friends from high school died together from carbon monoxide poisoning. News would come here and there…a neighbor passed, the daughter of a friend, an accident here, old age there. 

\n

Losing my mom was really hard as it was fairly sudden and, well…it was my MOM. My dad died four years later but the impact wasn’t as great because we never had a close relationship. Then…Mr. Virgo died and death changed its timbre. Death hit close and it hit hard and it hit home. I remember feeling…broken.

\n

And now, there are people who are close to me who are suffering terrible, tragic things and I feel as helpless as anyone else. I want to help them. I want to hold them and say magic words that make it better. And I know…there ARE no magic words. The only thing I can do is touch base with them. Pray for them. Perhaps send them gift cards for things like gas or a meal. Uber Eats and other food delivery services can help a lot in times like this.

\n

If you are supporting someone whose world has been shattered by tragedy, there is one thing you have to remember to do and that’s take care of yourself. You can’t help anyone if you suffer your own burnout. It may seem selfish when people you love are in pain and you’re thinking of yourself. But believe me, it’s vitally important to practice self care.

\n

With that in mind, I seriously wanted to sleep in my camper last night but for a number of reasons, I couldn’t. I’m going to make a concerted effort to get out there tonight and have some TOW-Wanda Time. That is where I physically find the most peace and rest. And…it’s where I spend an awful lot of quality quiet time with Jesus so trailer time is good for me.

\n

I took the truck to the Ford dealer yesterday and spent about three hours working on my camping itinerary for the upcoming trip. I made some reservations. I also found the kind of trip planner I’ve been looking for on the Good Sams page. There are lots of planners out there, but I was looking for one that lets me add and change stops and look for camping spots at the the same time. There are a lot of things to juggle with this trip. 

\n

I’m trying to focus on West Virginia while it is still warm enough to camp here. When it gets colder, I’ll follow the colors south. I found a map online that predicts when the colors will be at their peak in different areas. I think that will be helpful in my planning. The truck is in tip top shape. It has new tires. The mechanic said the brakes are barely worn and there are no leaks…the underside is really clean.

\n

Now I need to go through the items I brought back from Colorado that were in my camper so I can figure out what I need to take and what can be put away. I leave two weeks from today. With all that’s going on with my loved ones, it’s hard to get excited about the trip. But, as one of my dearest friends told me earlier this week, my stories will be a distraction for her as she goes through her valley. I do hope they help.

\n

❤️

\n
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”\n

Matthew 11:28 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-30T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/30/and-i-will-give-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/29/grief-time-grief.html", "title": "GRIEF + TIME = grief", "content_html": "

\"Grief “Grief is a process that varies from person to person…but there are some general similarities.”

\n

The other day I read a Tweet that stopped me in my tracks. A woman said she had cut her two best friends completely out of her life because in the entire year after her niece died, neither one of them bothered to check in with her. Her comment came after someone checked in…a full two years after her tragic loss. He texted her with a very simple message…

\n

“I’m just checking in to see how you are coping after the death of your niece.”

\n

Simple. To the point. And, so welcomed it brought her to tears.

\n

It prompted me to reflect. When was the last time I checked in with my friends who have lost loved ones? I get so wrapped up in my “work”, my “ministry”, with the bereaved, I forget to reach out and connect myself sometimes.

\n

Last night I spent a good two hours writing quick texts to several of my peeps who had lost someone significant in the last couple of years. I heard back from them and the response was universal…”You have no idea what it means to have someone remember to ask how I’m doing!” “Thank you SO much for checking in…it means so much to me!” “My own kids don’t even want to listen!”

\n

It’s true…once a “reasonable amount of time” passes, people move on with their lives. And, unless they have been bereaved, they may not understand that you haven’t. I remember how I felt abandoned. Like no one cared anymore. That isn’t true, of course. They just don’t have a point of reference for the depth of your pain and…it would scare the crap out of them if they believed that depth of pain could possible last more than a few months.

\n

There is no way to compare your own experience with that of another. Your grief is different than my grief. And it doesn’t matter how your person died…your grief is the worst grief ever because it is your own. But truly, I’m here to tell you, there is some grief that I cannot begin to imagine. Like the mother whose son was murdered by terrorists and left to die on the roadside. Or the mother whose daughter was found dead three days after a heroin overdose. Or the wife who returned from the grocery store to find her husband dead on the back porch from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

\n

There are so many stories in the work that I do. It breaks my heart into little pieces. And, it makes me think, “If he had to die, at least it wasn’t like that!” I find myself feeling grateful it was “only a heart attack.” I didn’t have to watch him slowly fade away from the ravages of cancer.

\n

As I talked to my friend whose son was killed a little over a year ago, I thought back over the years since Mr. Virgo died. And, while there isn’t some neat and tidy delineation from year to year, there is some general sense of first, second, third, etc.

\n

The first year is such a fog. You are numb. You are just trying to get the next thing done, the next paper filed, the next account closed. Closet? Check. Accounts? Check. Cellphone? Check. The first year becomes a blur…a cross between busy and madness.

\n

The second year can be surprisingly rough…like you are standing in high tide during a storm surge. Your footing shifts like the sand beneath you in the ocean. Each wave hitting you blindly, knocking you beneath the surface. And…you can’t swim. Not even close.

\n

At some point along the way…you hear it. A little snippet of music. A little bubble of laughter. A little glimmer of color peeking through a stormy sky. And that’s when the tides begin to shift a little. The waves not quite so hard. Or…maybe we’ve become better swimmers.

\n

For me, the third year gave me a little breathing room. It was a period of exploration and self-discovery. A time of reaching out and stretching beyond my past and stepping a bit more boldly into the future.

\n

The fourth, and beyond, found me building a boat to carry me over the waves till the next storm comes. 

\n

I listened intently to my friend sharing her grief. I asked questions. I resisted the urge to share my experiences except to say the occasional “Yes! I get that…I felt that, too!” It was amazingly comforting to me when I found others shared some of the same things I was experiencing. At some point in our conversation, she asked…

\n

”How is your life?” 

\n

“I feel bad sharing how wonderful my life is when yours sucks so terribly,” I said.

\n

“No…don’t ever feel bad about that! Your story gives me hope!”

\n

And that…in a nutshell…is what keeps me going. It keeps me telling stories…even when you hurt…even when I hurt. Because life keeps going on around us whether our sense of time has stopped or whether death has taken the joy from our hearts. I write about Jesus and faith. I write about grief. I write about pain. I write about love and joy and rocking babies. I write about travel, and camping, and becoming strong. I write about farms and mowing and fried green tomatoes. I write about life and all it’s little bits…both good and bad.

\n

But mostly…I write about hope.

\n

❤️

\n
“You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my source of hope.”\n

Psalms 119:114 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-29T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/29/grief-time-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/28/when-bad-things-happenlean-in.html", "title": "When Bad Things Happen...Lean In Closer", "content_html": "

\"Prayers\" “Thank you so much for all of your prayers. I am so grateful.”

\n

Since June, there has been one catastrophic event after another befall my friends and family. Cancer, Stillbirth, Mental Heath Crises, Accidents, Illness, Death. One after another after another. I’ve heard it said “Bad things happen in threes.” Try three TIMES three…and then some! 

\n

I once read the book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” by Harold Kushner. The author is a Conservative Rabbi and the book addressed the long standing debate: If God is loving and caring, how can so many bad things happen to good people? While the book was written in 1981, I turned to it in 2001 after 9/11.

\n

I had a difficult time reconciling a loving, omnipresent Deity “allowing” something so heinous to happen to thousands of innocent people. No doubt, people who loved Him, and worshiped Him whose only fault of the day was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

\n

I must admit, I was not yet a Christian on 9/11. It would be another three years before I took that leap of faith and surrendered to a God so much bigger than me. I was full of righteous anger that a “loving God” would allow this to happen. I could not wrap my head around it. I went to a psychiatrist and asked him for guidance. I was given a version of “these things happen”. Then I went to a Rabbi and asked him, “Where was God today???”

\n

“He was there,” he said. “He was under the desks with the mothers as they called frantically to tell their loved ones goodbye. He was in the stairwells with the brave men who were helping the injured trying to escape the chaos. He was with the First Responders as they rushed into the flaming buildings, knowing full well they may not come back out alive. And many did not.

\n

He was on the planes with the terrified passengers and crew members. He held steady those that made a mad rush on the terrorists over Pennsylvania. He was with the unsuspecting workers in the Pentagon and the Towers. God was everywhere, crying out in anguish as life after life was snuffed out.

\n

God does not punish us with cruelty. He does not take pleasure in our pain. But what He DOES do is turn those terrifying moments into opportunities to lean into Him. To call out for Him. To have faith that, even in the darkest moments, He never forsakes us.

\n

And that brings me to the events that have cast a shadow over my circle of friends and family…those I hold most dear and those whom I only know through others. We ask ourselves why these things happen, one on top of the other and the only answer there could be is…this is the nature of life. 

\n

As Stephen Colbert so eloquently stated on the subject of grief and the loss of his father and two brothers in a plane crash when he was ten: about learning to “love the thing that I most wish had not happened.” He went on to say: “It’s a gift to exist and with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that. What do you get from loss? You get awareness of other people’s loss, which allows you to connect with that other person, which allows you to love more deeply and to understand what it’s like to be a human being if it’s true that all humans suffer.”

\n

I hate that my loved ones and friends are suffering. I wish I could take that pain away from them. But, if by doing so, I would rob them of the awareness of other people’s loss and subsequent connection with them, then I am denying them their humanness…their connectedness. I would rob them of the opportunity to love more deeply and to truly understand what it’s like to be human. 

\n

What I CAN do for them is to be there for them, to hold a sacred, safe space for them to come to and grieve. And I can encourage them to seek a closer relationship with their higher power, which for me personally is God.

\n

Our pastor said something the other day that struck me. I’m paraphrasing, but it went something like this: When disaster strikes you and you wail in your grief, this is normal. But lean in very close and put your ear to God’s lips and listen. 

\n

He is closest to the brokenhearted.

\n

❤️

\n
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”\n

Psalms 34:18 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-28T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/28/when-bad-things-happenlean-in.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/21/always-choose-joy-unless-you.html", "title": "Always Choose Joy. Unless You Can’t...", "content_html": "

\"Compassion “Here’s to the compassionate people!”

\n

I’ve been on a JOY kick all year. Ok. I get it. I just got married in October and I’m full of the feels. But yesterday, I got a reminder that sometimes…no matter how much you WANT to…joy eludes you for an indeterminate amount of time.

\n

I belong to a few widow’s support groups on Facebook. I have cockily thought to myself from time to time that I certainly don’t NEED a widow’s support group anymore. That is, until I DO. Then I am ever so grateful for those who share and lift each other up, no matter where they land on the grief/time continuum.

\n

There have been times when I read about the desperate sadness we as the bereaved quite normally go through and my heart breaks for them. I think of all the times I didn’t think I could go on. I think of all the wonderful people who supported and loved me through the most horrific event I have experienced up to this moment in time. There were people I didn’t even know…you readers…who lifted me and helped me move forward, even as I tried to lift others. 

\n

But yesterday there was a post that garnered a good deal of pushback and it gave me pause. Basically, this person was saying…just choose joy. That’s a gross simplification, but that was the bottom line. Just choose joy. It made me think about my cheerleading and jumping on the JOY TRAIN and how it may seem dismissive of those who are still in the active throes of grief. 

\n

It’s damned hard to find joy when the person who was so much your SOURCE of joy is no longer here. I know this in the core of my being. When I was in my darkest dark place in grief, I truly felt I would never find a glimmer of happiness in this lifetime again…let alone JOY. And yes…you DO have to make a lot of choices in this new normal. One of them is choosing to keep living. Choosing to keep trying. Choosing to keep moving forward no matter HOW hard it is or lonely or heart breaking. 

\n

We choose to do this for others….our kids, our parents, our friends…even our person who “would want me to live my life”. Eventually, it is my fervent HOPE that we choose to do this for ourselves. 

\n

I have been guilty of using the word “choose” a little too blithely, I’m afraid. And if I have, and it has caused you pain, may I offer my humblest apologies. It is not easy to choose when you are in overwhelming pain. It’s not that I forgot this…but maybe I push it a bit too far out of reach to mentor as effectively as I would like to. 

\n

I want you to have hope. I want you to find joy. I want you to experience good things in your life again. I know it CAN happen…I’m proof. It just needs to happen in its own time. And when you DO experience what passes as joy, it may not look the same as someone else’s and that’s ok. I just wanted you to know…I haven’t forgotten those of you whose hearts are so incredibly crushed. I will strive to always hold a sacred space for you here.

\n

❤️

\n
“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”\n

Psalm 119:50 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-21T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/21/always-choose-joy-unless-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/19/bowling-season-has-begun.html", "title": "Bowling Season Has Begun", "content_html": "

\"Pink “Pink roses and strawberries…and bowling season. Somebody loves me!”

\n

Mr. FixIt is an avid bowler. He’s been on two bowling leagues for the last thirty-five years and he enjoys it immensely. He has friends there. He has ample opportunity to talk. It’s his guy time. And, I enjoy having a couple of evenings a week to do whatever I want to do as well. Honestly, I fell asleep late in the afternoon and didn’t hear him leave. When I woke up, I caught up with my Sunday evening phone calls and chats so it was a relaxing evening.

\n

When he arrived home, he went into the kitchen to fix something to eat and we were trying to carry on a conversation while I was in the family room. He called out, “You know…I could hear you better if you were in here with me.” Of course! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we’re doing, we forget the basic manners and niceties we should offer those we love most.

\n

I walked into the kitchen and there on the counter was a dozen pink roses and two cartons of fresh strawberries! I am always thunderstruck when he surprises me with these lovely unexpected gifts of love. 

\n

I looked at him and smiled. “What’s this?”

\n

“It’s been a little while since I brought you flowers. It was time.” He smiled back.

\n

What goodness this is…this life that is sweeter than any red strawberry…softer than any pink rosebud. This is a blessing. This is God’s gift to me. This man who lifts me up and celebrates who I am. Who cheers me on and encourages me to explore and be everything I can be. This man who holds my hand in church and prays alongside me. Who holds me and comforts me when I am sick or sad. I only pray I give him this same love back every day of my life.

\n

There was so much sadness in my life after Mr. Virgo died. I swore I would never fall in love…never remarry…because the thought of going through that again was too much to bear. Then color came back into my life. And I could hear music and I could breathe and somehow I knew I could love again. I don’t know how long we have together…but it’s bowling season and I have strawberries and pink roses and my life is good.

\n

❤️

\n
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”\n

Matthew 5:4 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-19T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/19/bowling-season-has-begun.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/18/let-the-sun-shine.html", "title": "“Let The Sun Shine...”", "content_html": "

\"Woodstock\" “The Ubiquitous Photo from Woodstock”

\n

Fifty years ago this weekend, a gazillion people descended on Mr. Yasgur’s New York farm just five hundred miles from where I grew up. What started out as a ticketed music event soon devolved into chaos as tens of thousands of unticketed hippies made their way into the tiny village of Bethel. The festival had already suffered a last minute change of venue and was seriously short on cash, but there came a point where Woodstock took on a life of its own.

\n

Fifty years have passed. I didn’t go, of course. I was only sixteen and actually didn’t even hear about it till it was on the news. Not that I would have done something so brazen as to defy my parents because I know they never would have allowed me to go. I never even skipped a class in school, let alone run off to a hippy concert five hundred miles away. Still, I marveled at the mass of humanity. And, I liked the music. 

\n

It was such a crazy summer…the Summer of ‘69. The Summer of Love. That’s what we called it. But the older generations thought we young people were out of our minds. Sex, drugs, and Rock & Roll. And now look where we are. I saw a meme today. A grandpa was saying he fought in WWII and built his house with his own two hands. His great grandson said, “Sometimes I put a meme on Facebook and it gets a lot of likes.” That is so sad…and unfortunately, all too true.

\n

We didn’t have the internet in 1969. We didn’t have the news on 24/7/365. We didn’t have violent video games. We didn’t have as many latch key kids and no iPad kids or YouTube kids. Dr. Spock was just beginning to tell us how to raise our kids and to never swat their butts or we would bruise their fragile self-esteems. I’ll tell you what, if I sassed back to my parents, they bruised my “self-esteem” with whatever was handy. I did the same with my kids. Nowadays, you can have your kids taken away for that. And they know it.

\n

I remember Daughter #1 saying she was going to call Child Protective Services because I wouldn’t let her go to a party. I smiled and recited the number to her. Then I took her car keys. It’s hard to parent now. Having the grandkids over this week with their own little ones made me compare how easy I had it compared to what they are facing. And I didn’t have it all that easy. 

\n

After my first divorce, I was a single mom in Denver. My family lived in West Virginia. I didn’t have anyone I could leave the baby with while I went to work. I had to find child care…and pray they wouldn’t hurt my daughter. I lived in HUD housing, on food stamps and WIC. I drove a beat up old Pontiac that I paid some Iranians $200 for. The hood and the trunk were wired closed with coat hangers. All four sides were dented in. I prayed every day I could get to work so I could take care of us. I didn’t have a smart phone and five sets of grandparents to step in when I was overwhelmed.

\n

God knows, I made plenty of mistakes in those early years. It’s a wonder we made it through. The music of 1969 was five years old before my daughter was born. I look back now in awe. I knew I’d be “old” someday. I just thought it would take longer. Oh, sixty-six isn’t OLD, exactly. I sure feel the difference, just in the last couple of years. Mr. FixIt and I work very hard and it’s taking it’s toll. I hurt in places that never hurt before. It takes me a bit to get moving. But, like my husband says…you’ve got to keep moving or you’ll stop.

\n

Fifty years since Woodstock…and there’s a real part of me that genuinely feels a little past my prime. However, I’m about to take a brand new camper wherever I want for five months and write about it! Isn’t that just about the coolest thing? I wouldn’t take who I was in 1969 back for anything! 

\n

“Let the sun shine…let the sun shine in…the sun…shine in!”

\n

❤️

\n
“I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body,”\n

2 Peter 1:13 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-18T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/18/let-the-sun-shine.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/15/the-metamorphosis-of-grief.html", "title": "The Metamorphosis of Grief", "content_html": "

\"Country “The Farm. Clockwise from top left: Drying the laundry on the front porch is a country thing, Elderberries, A Rose of Sharon appeared from nowhere, Life is Simple, An Appalachian Pour Over, Blue granite pan used for dipping water out of the rain barrel.

\n

Living in the country, you see many examples of metamorphosis. Where there once was a hairy caterpillar, there becomes a moth. Where there once was a striped green worm with a spiky tail, noshing on a milkweed leaf, there becomes a monarch butterfly. Where there once was a grub with legs, crawling up a tree and developing a hard shell, it soon splits and a locust emerges to call in the autumn season…signaling it’s time for school to start.

\n

Just as there is a time for everything in its season, so it is with grief. I was thinking about this yesterday while I was trimming back the wild grape vines threatening to overtake the farm. When this blog began, I was fresh in my grief. I promised you then I would be honest and speak to you from my heart about exactly what it was like…at least for me…to go through the loss of my husband. There were times when it was so painfully ugly that it had to be difficult to read. Yet, so many of you have been here from the very beginning. 

\n

This blog goes through a metamorphosis every time something changes in my life. What started out as a method of pouring out my pain, morphed into learning how to navigate that. It changed and grew just as I changed and grew. It’s not just a grief blog, although there are hundreds of posts in the archives about grief. There was a time, when my grief had subsided to a nagging undercurrent, when I thought maybe I should just quit and make it all about grief. Just leave it there. But I couldn’t stop writing. 

\n

Writing became a part of me…as much a part of me as my hands and feet, my heart and lungs. So I decided to take you with me when I traveled, when I stepped into the dating arena, when I got married. I thought…ok, maybe I’m done now. Maybe I’ll just stop here. But, I kept living…and each new day brought a new experience, a new insight, and new lesson. And it became my devotional. 

\n

In a good cake recipe, bland ingredients like flour get mixed with sweet ingredients like sugar and butter. If baked with nothing else added, you wouldn’t have cake…you’d have some hard, flat, dry cardboard. But add eggs and leavening….take your time….and mix it well….and it rises high and beautiful. My life…my stories…my experiences are the flour and sugar. The scripture at the bottom of each post…illustrating my thinking in that particular moment…that’s the leavening. The eggs. The ingredient that makes the finished product perfect.

\n

I know it’s not a grief blog so much anymore, even though I touch on the topic from time to time. That’s the nature of metamorphosis. Things are always changing…even grief. The numbing pain of the first year, the sharp pain of the second year, the personal growth of my third year, the stretching of my wings in the fourth, the explorations of the fifth, and finally…being remarried in the sixth…my grief has gone through its own metamorphosis and has settled into an undercurrent. A background noise that I have become accustomed to, yet it’s still very much there. 

\n

❤️

\n
“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”\n

2 Corinthians 3:18 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-15T01:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/15/the-metamorphosis-of-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/05/full-up-to-here.html", "title": "Full Up to Here!", "content_html": "

\"Bumper-to-bumper “Sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic up to Eisenhower Tunnel”

\n

When I first moved to Colorado, Denver was a cow town compared to what it is today. In 1975, the Denver Metro Area consisted of approximately 650,000 people from what I can deduce for a graph I found. The population now is over 3,000,000! And it’s not just the Denver Metro Area. The states population has grown steadily….every single year. It’s crazy!

\n

When I moved to Glenwood Springs in 1986, there were two stop lights in the entire town. If it took us five minutes to get across town we thought we were in some terrible traffic jam. Now, it doesn’t matter what time of the day it is, traffic everywhere is bumper to bumper.

\n

We left Montrose yesterday morning at 10:30. It took us eight full hours to drive 263 miles to Denver! Clear roads. A little rain around Eagle. The majority of the time spent driving was between Silverthorne and Idaho Springs. The Eisenhower Tunnel is a huge bottleneck and as soon as the toll lane starts around Idaho Springs, things loosened up and we made good time.

\n

I thought it was exacerbated by the fact I have lived in the country for the last five years, but everyone here comments on it. And I have to tell you, I have never in my life walked into a Walmart or a mall…anywhere…and had the thought of a mass shooting go through my mind. But last night, we stopped at Walmart on our way to Ben & Sue’s house, and that’s the first thing that came to my mind. 

\n

“What is that crowd doing hanging around the front entrance?” 

\n

“Is there going to be trouble here?”

\n

“Where is the nearest exit?”

\n

I hate that. I hate that chill that went up my spine. I hate that I looked in the faces of those around me and wondered what they were capable of. Then I found myself in the cereal aisle and I heard Mr. FixIt’s friendly banter. He can (and does) speak to anyone. 

\n

“You only came in for two items? Well…you’ve sure gone over on this trip, huh?”

\n

I turned to find a Hispanic woman smiling shyly at him.

\n

“Yes…it happens all the time!”

\n

I looked in her face and saw kindness and a slight self-deprecation at her inability to stick to a shopping list. And, what I saw was no different than me.

\n

I smiled warmly at her and said, “Oh, I do that, too! What’s worse is when I come home and don’t have half of what I came in for in the first place!”

\n

This was a welcome moment in an otherwise horrifying set of current events. I am devastated. I am outraged. And, I will do what I can and not just send thoughts and prayers, although those are flowing fervently. My heart is broken for the victims of yet more violence.

\n

We pack up the truck this morning and say goodbye to to our Colorado peeps and hit the road for West Virginia. Please keep us in your prayers for travel mercies but more importantly, pray for those innocents who were just going about their day.

\n

❤️

\n
“Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.””\n

Isaiah 35:3-4 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-05T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/05/full-up-to-here.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","God","Fear","Courage","Warning","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/03/basking-in-the-glow-of.html", "title": "Basking in the Glow of Family", "content_html": "

\"Sunset “The sun goes down on the evening before my baby’s wedding. My heart is full!”

\n

Last night was amazing. Every fear and trepidation I had beforehand dissipated as soon as we pulled into the driveway at Hubby #2’s house. He was so gracious, as was his wife. Their house is stunning. Their dogs are the sweetest things. Daughter #1 and her family were there when we arrived and soon after, my sister- and brother-in-law arrived from Utah. Oh, my gosh! It was so exciting to see them all!

\n

Just before dinner, my daughter and her fiancée arrived and we were a complete family. My brother enjoyed everyone and joined in the conversations. It really was perfect. What I learned from this: When you hand things over to God to take care of…you have to let go of it. I knew as I was driving over from Glenwood Springs…this was going to be good. This was going to be very, very good.

\n

After dinner, Daughter #2 came to me and said, “Mama…I have something for you to do tomorrow. You’re in charge of this…and making sure he has a seat at my wedding.”

\n

With that she handed me a framed photo of Mr. Virgo. She was very close to her stepfather and losing him was so hard on her. The suddenness of seeing his smiling face…so totally unexpected…took my breath away and I started crying. I wasn’t the only one. It was a very special moment and it still makes me tearful as I write this. What a beautiful gesture…what a beautiful God moment….what love…what treasures I have in this family.

\n

My baby is getting married today. My heart is so full! Thank you Jesus for every gift you have given me in this life!

\n

❤️

\n
“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”\n

Song of Songs 8:6-7 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-03T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/03/basking-in-the-glow-of.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/02/no-worse-for-the-wear.html", "title": "No Worse for the Wear", "content_html": "

\"Old “While once sleek and shiny, these vehicles still hold a deep beauty.”

\n

We left Ridgway yesterday saying goodbye to our friends, Linda and Jim. We both choked up…goodbyes have always been difficult for me ever since I lost Mr. Virgo. We just don’t know if and when we will meet again and it tears at my heartstrings. I know Linda loves Colorado, but deep down, she has that Ohio farm girl in there somewhere. I loved watching her as she listened to Mr. FixIt’s unmistakable West Virginia accent and she was transported back over the years and the miles to the home of her youth.

\n

Even though we didn’t go to the same high school with Linda, we know many of the same people…one of whom is Jeff. He and his wife Julie moved to the Ridgway area a couple of years ago. It’s funny how the webs of friendship cross over. Linda and Jeff were both friends with Cindy (a girl from my class) and that’s how they connected. I am friends with Cindy and that’s how Linda connected with me and the connection with Jeff was made through Linda and because he was on the boy’s gymnastics team while I competed with the girl’s team the same year. And….Mr. FixIt was on that same team with Jeff! See what a teeny tiny world it is? Jeff and Julie joined us for dinner at Linda’s Wednesday night. Mr. FixIt hadn’t seen Jeff in forty-eight years. There were lots of stories and laughs and we all had a grand time.

\n

We drove north out of Ridgway, through Montrose and Olathe (home of Olathe Sweet Corn) and on to Delta. I kept my eyes peeled for a place I found when I was on “The Grand Adventure”…that three month odyssey into the wilderness and backroads after Mr. Virgo died. It’s just a vacant lot on the main drag that’s filled with old, broken down cars and trucks. I don’t know why it attracted me that first time, but I couldn’t wait to show Mr. FixIt.

\n

We were almost to our turnoff to head east over McClure Pass when I saw them. Red vehicles…either from the faded and flaked paint or the rust beneath. Some had their hoods strapped down. Others had holes in the glass from years of being the target of vandals or the errant stone thrown back in the day when they motored down the highways of old. Mr. FixIt caught his breath.

\n

“Oh, wow! Would you look at that!” A smile crept across his face and his eyes sparkled like a little boy who just found the coolest treasure stuck on a dusty shelf. I immediately pulled over and threw the truck in park. We jumped out and walked up and down the rows of derelict automobiles resting on their rims because of long ago rotted and airless tires. We peeked in through hazy windows at the scraps of stuffing clinging to the old and rusted springs of the seats inside. 

\n

“Oh, look! Is that a Nash? A Studebaker? What’s this one? Ford used to make a Cortina. Do you suppose that’s what this one is?” This went on and on as we dodged the large mud holes formed from the afternoon storms we’ve been getting and made our way through the maze of cars.

\n

As I looked at these rusted out hulks, I thought about beauty being in the eye of the beholder. I have to be perfectly honest…I’ve had some trepidation about the wedding this weekend. My daughter’s dad lives in a world I no longer belong to. He’s a doctor, and consequently lives like a doctor in a fine house. With fine friends. And a fine wife. Fine furnishings. Fine food. A fine life. I used to circle in that orbit, although I never really felt a part of that world, although I tried very hard to make myself fit in. 

\n

I have to admit. I’ve let myself be a little self conscious about my comfortable tummy and my jelly thighs and my granny-wing upper arms knowing ever so painfully how that was judged by those in that orbit. I’ve been praying about it a lot. And God whispered to me as I wandered amongst these vehicles what were once sleek and shiny and new.

\n

“You don’t have to fear that world. You don’t have to feel bad for the way you fit in your body all comfy-like. You don’t have to concern yourself with what anyone else thinks of you….just remember I love you. Completely. Just the way you are. Just love them all the way I love you.”

\n

You see…the very act of feeling self conscious and judged puts me in a place where I’m being the judge. I don’t know what’s in their hearts and minds. A lot of water has gone under the bridge since those days so long ago when I circled around that orbit. It’s a foreign land to me now. I have no reason to feel “less than” anyone. I can walk right in, on the arm of a man I adore and who adores me right back. We’ve created a life that fits us perfectly and we’re perfectly happy.

\n

It’s all about love, trust, letting go, and letting God take care of the details. I’m comfortable in this life, this body…no matter where I go or who I run into. None of this is about me anyway. It’s totally about my daughter and her joy anyway. Yes…it’s all about love!

\n

❤️

\n
“Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Do not be angry beyond measure, Lord; do not remember our sins forever. Oh, look on us, we pray, for we are all your people.”    Isaiah 64:8-9 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-08-02T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/02/no-worse-for-the-wear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/29/abundance.html", "title": "Abundance", "content_html": "

\"Weminuche “Heading into the Weminuche Wilderness”

\n

Joyful abundance! Mr. FixIt is such a great traveler. I love showing him places he hasn’t seen. As a matter of fact, he told me the other night his neck hurts from swiveling back and forth, trying to take it all in. We arrived in Pagosa Springs on Friday afternoon. This is where Mr. Virgo and I lived in 2008. He was the General Manager for a 4200 acre luxury resort here and I did the marketing and catering. It was a short-lived position as our job was to try to turn their losses into profits and try as we might, it was not to be. This is the nature of being a fixer. If you can’t, they close and you lose your job. If you can, they sell and you lose your job. We didn’t really expect to be there long term.

\n

Pagosa Springs is a gorgeous area and I enjoyed the rugged beauty of it. I did not like the short summer, long winter, and gobs of snow. So I was just as happy to get out of there and move on. Still, it is someplace I wanted Mr. FixIt to see and experience. We went out for a wonderful breakfast yesterday morning then headed to the backroads. Mr. Virgo and I used to spend every day off exploring the many dirt roads in the Weminuche Wilderness. This is where I came when I started my grief journey in Little TOW-Wanda. I carried strands of Mr. Virgo’s silver hair into the dense woods above Williams Lake and buried them at the base of a tree, affixing a cross to mark the spot.

\n

We didn’t walk back into the woods yesterday. That wasn’t part of the deal. That was mine…my memory. As a matter of fact, as we drove deeper and deeper into the woods, I felt Mr. Virgo so strongly…as if he were gliding along with us. I told Mr. FixIt story after story. Here’s where we worked. Here’s where we shopped. Here’s where we loved to eat dinner. There’s the car wash where they had to unfreeze the doors so we could get out. That little bakery has the best pastries. This restaurant has the best coffee. My sweet husband held my hand and smiled and nodded and encouraged me to share because he knows this helps me heal and move forward. 

\n

Then…in the middle of the afternoon, we found out…great grandchild #3 is on the way!!! Another little boy…arriving in January!!!

\n

My heart is about to explode! THIS!!! This is what I so very nearly lost in January 2000 when I overdosed. At the time, my world was so small, so dark, so difficult and I couldn’t see anything beyond that darkness. And now…look at this! My world is so blessed with such abundance and joy, I can hardly contain myself! Babies! The Wedding! My sweet husband! My wonderful family! My health! My heart!

\n

Thank you…..thank you dearest Heavenly Father…for healing my family…for healing me…for giving me Mr. Virgo to show me I was worthy of earthly love…for giving me Mr. FixIt for helping me through the most difficult period of my life…and for this tremendous family, mine and his, that brings our numbers up and up and up! I’m so high on life, you have to scrape me off the clouds!

\n

❤️

\n
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”\n

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-29T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/29/abundance.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Aging","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/27/there-but-for-the-grace.html", "title": "There But For the Grace of God", "content_html": "

\"Mudslide “Yesterday’s mudslide west of Glenwood Springs.”

\n

I had two epiphanies yesterday. The first was the full realization that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. On occasion, I wonder in the back of my mind if it was the right thing to do selling my house. I sometimes wonder if I should have kept it and rented it out for income. Then, we drove through Glenwood Springs yesterday…on a Friday afternoon…on Mountain Fair Weekend. It. Was. Insane!

\n

The second epiphany was this: As we drove into town, it was early afternoon and I was going through a mental list of things to do in the area. I looked up at the gondola going up to the Glenwood Adventure Park and thought that would be fun. But the clouds coming over the Flat Tops Wilderness Area were very dark and I knew rain was coming. Scratch that idea. My next thought was to see if my friend Terri was around in New Castle so I could introduce her to Mr. Fixit. Again…I looked at those ominous clouds and I just got a cold chill. We would have to go through South Canyon to get there and I was definitely being told not to go there.

\n

Instead, we turned south and headed to Carbondale. I couldn’t reach my friends who are camping in the area so I found, and took, the last hotel room available in the area. And believe me, they were charging premium prices for rooms. We are at the peak of tourist season and the hotels have to make hay while the sun shines. The rates are double…or more…what they were two years ago when we traveled through here at the same time of the year.

\n

It wasn’t twenty minutes after I decided to turn south that an emergency road bulletin came over my phone. The very road I was contemplating going over was now completely impassable with a mud and rock slide in South Canyon. If I hadn’t heeded that nudge, we would have been sitting right in the middle of it! 

\n

On top of all the rest of the crazy traffic, the interstate was closed because of the mudslide and they directed the west bound traffic down through Carbondale…during rush hour…and the opening of the Carbondale Mountain Fair! It took us forty-five minutes to go two miles. I don’t ever want to live in that kind of congestion again!

\n

\"Traffic\" “Traffic being rerouted by the mudslide.”

\n

I don’t know if it’s the fact I’ve been living a peaceful life on five acres in West Virginia, or if it’s the fact that there are a gazillion people trying to cram into a small space and have fun, but I just couldn’t take the crowds and busy, and traffic, and noise. I know I did the right thing selling my house and I am exactly WHERE I am supposed to be…and with WHOM.

\n

Today, we head over Independence Pass and down through the Collegiate Peaks. Mr. Fixit is truly enjoying the scenery and that makes me very happy!

\n

❤️

\n
““Consider carefully what you hear,” he continued. “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more.”\n

Mark 4:24 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-27T01:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/27/there-but-for-the-grace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/25/a-glimpse-of-heaven.html", "title": "A Glimpse of Heaven", "content_html": "

\"A “A Glimpse of Heaven in the Colorado Night Sky”

\n

I knew this would happen. I blinked and a month flew by. I left on this journey exactly four weeks ago. Time is such a weird thing after loss. On the one hand…it flies. On the other…it stands still. I got some quality time with my Colorado family. Mr. FixIt has been here almost two weeks already. The package I’ve been expecting for my brother arrived yesterday so now we can pack up and go off on a little adventure on our own before the wedding.

\n

Grandma L. is still hanging in there. She is such a strong woman. She rallies and fades, rallies and fades. They moved her from her apartment at assisted living to a skilled nursing facility on Monday. She had a dream on Tuesday night. At least, she thinks it was a dream. She was lying in bed and her legs felt like stone. But then, she was standing up…strong and vital. She looked around it was so glorious. She saw a crevice and knew she was supposed to jump over it. She knew she COULD. She didn’t see Grandpa right off, but she knew she could find him easily. Instead, she decided to come back and tell us all how absolutely peaceful and grand it is. I love that she could see it all so clearly and she isn’t afraid.

\n

I know she might pass away while we are gone, but I didn’t want to wear her out by adding to the number of visitors going to see her. There are other closer relatives who need to spend time with her. I was able to hug on her last Saturday at her birthday party and she absolutely knows how I feel about her. Her absence will leave a gaping hole for quite some time in the lives of those who knew and loved her.

\n

We all went out for supper last night after they moved everything out of Grandma’s apartment at the assisted living place. There were twelve of us. As I walked back to the table with my food, I paused for a moment and gazed over this beautiful family my daughter was so fortunate to marry into. Another part of my bonus family. We are so blessed…with kids and their kids and us grandparents. We are becoming the matriarchs. I thought it would take longer.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I will head out today for a week of touring the state. We were supposed to do this with the camper, but it’ll all work out without it. I love showing him places he’s never been! So…here we go on another road trip, y’all. Hang on!

\n

❤️

\n
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”\n

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-25T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/25/a-glimpse-of-heaven.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/24/pennies-from-heaven.html", "title": "Pennies from Heaven", "content_html": "

\"Women “Finally had a chance to visit with my friend, Michelle.”

\n

I’ve been writing a daily essay here for over six-and-a-half years now. I’ve heard from numerous people about odd things that have happened since their loved one died. Things that make them feel comforted…like they’re being watched over. Signs from Heaven. With me, it’s bluebirds and angel pennies.

\n

You’ve all heard of “pennies from heaven”. Folk lore says found coins come from angels throwing them in our path to remind us they were here. Something happened yesterday that was downright eerie…but in a wonderful way.

\n

I met my friend Michelle at the nail salon yesterday. We met years ago when I was a new widow and she was one of my fellow women campers who helped me find myself. We met at the salon because that was the one place we could absolutely stop and sit still for two hours. We both live very busy lives.

\n

During the course of our conversation, Michelle told me they were expecting her sweet grandfather to pass at anytime. As a matter of fact, she felt yesterday was his last day here on earth. We covered every topic under the sun and got caught up with what has been going on in each other’s lives. 

\n

When she was getting her manicure, I realized the polish on my toes wasn’t drying very fast so I excused myself to the other side of the room to place my feet under the lights. Finally, she came over to me to hug me goodbye. She had a call to make at noon and had to run. When I sat down at the table where the lights were, I placed my phone and water bottle on the counter. I didn’t notice the penny there till Michelle hugged me.

\n

I picked up the penny and showed it to her.

\n

“Look, I think this is for you! Maybe it’s your grandpa sending you a message.”

\n

I placed the penny in Michelle’s hand. She looked at her phone and said, “Hmmm, it’s 11:44. I’ll remember this if I hear of his passing.” With that, we said hugged and she went out the door.

\n

Twenty minutes later she texted me.

\n

“My grandfather passed away twenty minutes ago.”

\n

Coincidence? If so, it was uncanny. Who knows? I told her she needed to keep that penny in a special place. I keep all my angel pennies in a depression on the dashboard of my truck. I found two more right outside my truck at the next stop. I tucked them away with the others and whispered a “Thank You” to whoever dropped the pennies for us.

\n

❤️

\n
“And I heard a voice from heaven saying, \"Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.\" \"Blessed indeed,\" says the Spirit, \"that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them!\"”    Revelation 14:13 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2019-07-24T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/24/pennies-from-heaven.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Gratitude","God","Peace","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/22/finding-hope.html", "title": "Finding Hope", "content_html": "

\"Rainbow\" “God’s promise.”

\n

There have been so many times in my life when I felt I had no hope. I didn’t know about spiritual warfare. I didn’t know the enemy was the one whispering the lies about me into my heart and mind. My life had long stretches of darkness and it wasn’t until I became a Christian that I started to see light at the end of the tunnel.

\n

We went to church yesterday and took Little with us. We sat with our friend Rick and his wife Connie. The pastor is preaching a series on the elements and yesterday was about the wind. And hope. He focused on Ezekiel and the valley of the dry bones. As far as Ezekiel could see, the valley floor was covered with dry, sun-bleached bones. This represented the dried up, faithless Israelites. The Lord asked Ezekiel to speak to the dry bones. To tell them to listen to the Word of the Lord. When he did this, the bones started to rattle and come together. Tendons and muscle and skin formed and soon, they looked like you and me. But they had no life. No inner spark of hope. When Ezekiel told God he had only been halfway successful, God breathed his breath upon the bodies and they came alive and rose as a mighty army.

\n

I know what those bodies felt like. I was dry and sun-bleached in my bones for such a long time. And, when I surrendered, God blew His breath…His Spirit…into me and I rose up like a mighty warrior. Whenever I begin to feel less hopeful, I look for the wind. Mr. FixIt remarked the other day…it never seems terribly hot here in Colorado. Even when the temperature nears triple digits. The reason is two-fold. The humidity is low. And there is always a breeze. You can feel it across the hairs on your arms. And when a wisp of your hair blows across your face. You can see it in the trees and grasses of the field. You can watch it even high above the earth as the clouds in the sky scud along.

\n

When I look for the wind, I can see the breath of God as he works over us…his children. Even when I don’t see God’s promises in my current circumstances, I know He is there…working in the background. Even in my darkest moments…during the years of depression and the overdose, during a painful divorce, during the grief I suffered after losing Mr. Virgo…He was feverishly working to turn these terrible situations into something He could use for His Glory.

\n

Finding hope in today’s world can be so terribly difficult. It is easy to lose hope and see no way out. If you can just remember to feel the wind on your skin and focus on some good thing in your life, you can ignite hope within your soul. Even the smallest ember can be fanned into a flame when you seek and use the Breath of God. 

\n

❤️

\n
“The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.” Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’ ” So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’ ” So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army. Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’ ””\n

Ezekiel 37:1-14 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-22T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/22/finding-hope.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/20/hand-it-over.html", "title": "Hand it Over", "content_html": "

\"2 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7”

\n

I have struggled with anxiety all of my life. It’s so, so frustrating because I know what it is. I know the feelings are real, but they stem from thoughts. I have a whole toolbox of techniques that I’ve used over the years…some helpful, some decidedly harmful, all of them ineffective to a large degree. It wasn’t until I started studying the Bible looking for answers that I have begun to find some semblance of relief.

\n

I was reading a devotional about anxiety and fear this week and came across something I had never read before but it really struck home. It talked about a secondary effect of anxiety becoming “a fear of fear itself”. That sums it up so distinctly. I really HATE feeling afraid…to the point of fearing the fear. Suddenly, it just all seemed so ridiculous.

\n

The Bible talks a lot about fear and anxiety. So much so that it is apparent these feelings are prevalent in all humans to some degree. For years…decades…I felt weird about my anxiety. Like there was something wrong with me. That I was somehow flawed and no one else had these feelings. Knowing I’m not alone…even Joshua and Mary and countless others were told by God to not be afraid. That is so comforting to me.

\n

I am excited about the upcoming wedding in two weeks. I’m thrilled for my daughter and her happiness. And, it’s hard to tease out the difference between the butterflies of excitement and the quaking of anxiety. It affects me physically the same and my mind can easily take off on a wild tangent which isn’t anywhere I really want to go.

\n

This most recent Bible study I read says whenever the first feelings of anxiety or fear begin to come into your mind, think of a praise instead. Turn on praise music. Sing a praise song. Thank Jesus for waking you up this morning. What I’ve been doing is telling God about all the beautiful things we’re going to do the day of the wedding. I’ve been telling Him about the pretty dresses the girls are wearing. And all the people we’re going to see that we love and don’t get to see often enough. I’ve invited Him to come along with me and to be there right alongside each of us.

\n

There’s so much in life that can change plans at the last minute. There are illnesses in families or some other unforeseen circumstances that you can’t predict. It doesn’t help to be nervous or worried, but it’s hard not to be. As Jesus said, God takes care of the birds and the fields…surely He’ll take good care of us…even in our worst moments.

\n

I hand things over…repeatedly. And, it does get easier and easier to remember to give it to God first before I let my mind jump on the worry train and go off the rails. There will always be something you can worry about. That’s how the enemy steals your joy. And, there are situations in life that you can’t help but let affect you. Things like watching a loved one decline. Losing someone or something special. An unexpected diagnosis or financial difficulty. God wants to walk those paths with you. Reach out your hand and take His. He’s so much bigger than anything that troubles you.

\n

❤️

\n
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”\n

Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-20T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/20/hand-it-over.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/16/mother-cabrini-shrine.html", "title": "Mother Cabrini Shrine", "content_html": "

\"View “The view from Mother Cabrini Shrine is stunning!”

\n

The other night when I picked Mr. FixIt up from the airport, I was accelerating to get on the interstate when the transmission made an eerie slipping sound. I turned to him and said, “Did you hear that?” He did…it wasn’t just me! I had heard this same noise several times and I was really worried something was wrong with the transmission. But, Mr. FixIt has been in that truck hundreds of times and never heard it.

\n

Before I even got up yesterday, he and Ben had looked up the number for a reputable transmission shop nearby and as soon as I had a cup of coffee, I called them up. They told me to bring the truck right in and they would check it for me. The transmission fluid was low and they added a whole quart to it. Then the manager of the shop drove the truck around and came back. He said it made every sound it was supposed to and no slips. No surprise there. However, when I got out and drove it, I was pleasantly surprised to feel and hear how smoothly it was shifting, so I think we may have fixed the problem. When we prepared to leave, I asked how much I owed them and they said, “Not a thing. You have a great trip!”

\n

If you need a good transmission place in Arvada, Colorado…go to Jerrod’s!

\n

Since we suddenly had a free day in front of us, we ran to Starbucks for a cup of coffee then headed to the mountains. I was thinking of taking Mr. FixIt to Red Rocks Amphitheater, but I could see dark clouds starting to form in the west. I decided instead to turn into Mother Cabrini Shrine to explore instead.

\n

It has been a full forty years at the least since I’ve been up there. I once went up there and just sat in the field near the shrine to gaze out over downtown Denver. I haven’t explored when improvements were built there, but I don’t remember all those steps. My memory had a path going up and you could walk out into the field surrounding the statue of Jesus at the top of the hill. But, like I said…it has been four decades since I was there so I’m not sure my memory is accurate.

\n

I was surprised the chapel didn’t have candles to light in memory of someone. But there was a grotto below and a much smaller chapel with candles. I lit four candles for special people and said prayers for all of you. Then we went down to the springs. When Mother Cabrini purchased this land for a retreat for orphans, she told others she got it so cheap because there was no water. When she explored the land, she struck a rock with a staff, it broke open, and fresh spring water flowed out from it. We each drank a glass of this miracle water and thanked God for the blessing of the water in such an arid place. 

\n

Mother Cabrini is the first American to be canonized as a Saint. There is a small museum on the property with personal articles that belonged to her. There were also religious relics on display. You could even take a free third degree relic which was a laminated card with a tiny piece of fabric which had come into contact with Mother Cabrini’s clothing somewhere along the line. It was all quite fascinating.

\n

We left just as it started to sprinkle and headed to Olive Garden for an early supper. Then back to Ben and Sue’s. It was a fun day and a good workout with all the steps up to the Sacred Heart statue. This photo was taken about halfway up and if you zoom in, you can just make out the tall buildings of Downtown Denver in the distance. Day one of exploring is under our belts!

\n

❤️

\n
“\"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. \"Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”\n

Matthew 6:1-4 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-16T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/16/mother-cabrini-shrine.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Hope","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/08/quality-time.html", "title": "Quality Time", "content_html": "

\"Granddaughter “Little snoozing in the morning sunshine.”

\n

Yesterday was so much fun. Little absolutely loved sleeping in the camper. She went to sleep much earlier than usual and I had to wake her up in time to have some breakfast before we left for church. She was very excited to go to “Nana’s Church.” The contemporary mega church model suits Little’s personality to a T. She sat with me and was focused on the sermon throughout. She loved the praise and worship music. She was so animated when we came out of church and declared she wants to go every week. I am highly encouraging that because she had a definite light about her when we came out. 

\n

After church, I took Little home and traded….Big came shopping with me all afternoon. We walked all over Flatirons Crossing Mall, had a delicious lunch at California Pizza Kitchen, enjoyed ice cream on our rest break between stores. She is a frugal shopper and had a wonderful time picking out just what she wanted. As I expected, they were things like athletic wear from Dick’s Sporting Goods…with a definite fashionista flair.

\n

The weather here in Colorado has been quite lovely. We have had rain just about every day and it cools things off nicely. The nights have been wonderful for sleeping in the camper with just the windows open and maybe a small fan. Daughter #2 is in the process of changing jobs and found out today her new job doesn’t start till after the wedding. That means we get some more time together this week. I’m so happy for her. This new job pays more, utilizes her degree, and sends her in a direction that offers advancement.

\n

Mr. FixIt is tying up loose ends at home…preparing to fly to Colorado this weekend. I can’t wait to see him! We really miss each other when we’re apart. He has mowing to do and business to attend to. I’ve been looking up things to do to replace the camping portion of our trip. I’d love to show him the Four Corners area and Mesa Verde. We’ll see what all we have time for.

\n

I hope you enjoyed your 4th of July weekend and have a wonderful Monday!

\n

❤️

\n
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”    1 Timothy 5:8 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-07-08T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/08/quality-time.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","Fun","Gratitude","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/03/trailer-troublewith-a-capital-t.html", "title": "Trailer Trouble...With a Capital T", "content_html": "

\"Trailer “Damage to the camper indicating it is no longer towable.”

\n

Whenever I travel with one of my campers, I always circle around and do a visual safety check. I check before I head out. I check when I park for the night. And I check when I get to my destination. Saturday night I stayed at a hotel in Russell, KS. I did my walkabout when I locked her up to go inside and there was nothing wrong. Same thing the next morning before I headed out on the road for the final leg into Denver.

\n

When I arrived at Ben & Sue’s house and I was unhooking, I noticed the front curbside corner of the camper had separated a little. It looked like a couple of screws had popped and all I would need to do is screw them back in. I was hot and tired and not planning to tow anytime soon so I decided to wait till I was better rested. The first chance I had was yesterday morning.

\n

I went out and looked at the corner again. I tried to push back on the panel but it would not move. This indicated to me there was weight behind it and my original idea was not going to work. I got down on my knees and looked back at the base of the trailer where it meets the frame and this is what I was faced with. The other side looks almost as bad.

\n

That silver metal cover is the rock guard. It’s called diamond plate. It is heavy gauge and does NOT tear easily. I knew as soon as I saw it what had happened. When I first bought the camper, I notice there was about a two to three inch water stain on the mattress below one corner of that front window. 

\n

These windows notoriously leak. That’s why most camper companies don’t build a camper with them anymore. I asked the previous owner when I was inspecting the camper if it leaked and she said she had never noticed it before. Maybe it happened over the winter and was new. There was another red flag…the front surface had become delaminated. There is a fiberglass material fused over the wood walls in this camper. If there is a leak, over time…the surface will come away from the wood and have a rippled appearance.

\n

It was a red flag that I didn’t understand was HUGE. I was thinking “little r”. Nope….big mama-honkin’ R! The more I camped in this new-to-me camper, the bigger that little leak got. I figured as soon as I had time, I would pop that front window out and re-caulk it. Done. Easy peasy. But it kept raining and I kept busy and then…boom!

\n

What happened was, driving across the washboard that was once I-70 caused the board across the bottom front of the camper (that had obviously softened or rotted) to buckle from the weight of the camper body being repeatedly slammed down on it. This brought the body down over half an inch, dropping it onto the frame that comes out to create the tongue and hitch.

\n

Layman’s terms? The camper is not towable in this condition. There are several scenarios that can happen here. 

\n
    \n \t
  1. I could fix it myself. But this is a long, big, BIG job that could entail tearing the camper down to the frame and reconstructing it. I don’t have a place to work undercover. I’m not here long enough to do it...even if I were so inclined. Which I am not.
    2. \n \t
  2. I could have someone fix it for me. This could cost two to three thousand dollars and the camper itself isn’t worth much more than that. (Come to find out, I paid too much for it, but we live and learn, right?) I’m not willing to put the money into it.
    3. \n \t
  3. I can sell the camper “as is” with the firm stipulation that it is not roadworthy. This is a viable option. A lot of people are putting little campers in their back yards to use as she-sheds, guest houses, Air B&B accommodations, or playhouses for the kids and grandkids.
    4. \n \t
  4. I can just leave it here and worry about it next summer, but that isn’t very reasonable. It would take up room at Ben & Sue’s and it would be out in a potentially bad Colorado winter. It’s just putting off the inevitable.
    5. \n
\nSo, plans change. We won’t be camping on this trip except in the driveway of Ben & Sue’s house until I can manage to sell the camper. Mr. FixIt couldn’t find the title at home so he needs to get a new one. In order to do that, he needs the registration. That was in my truck so I sent it to him priority mail and he’ll get it Friday. Then he will send me the new title. And, he will be here a week from Saturday.\n

I don’t want to say I feel stupid. But I didn’t do what anyone who buys a used camper should do. I didn’t have it inspected by an RV professional. The inside showed no damage…it was pristine. All but that tiny leak. The only thing that made me feel better was this: The only way I could have known that board inside was rotten was to tear the front off the camper and you can’t do that. I had no way of knowing. It was just one of those unfortunate issues that sometimes comes with used campers.

\n

I have backup campers at home. Everything will work out. I am VERY grateful nothing terrible happened on the road like the frame breaking in the middle of Kansas. This is workable…it’s not the end of the world. I will inevitably lose money on this deal, but that’s a lesson learned and an excellent teaching moment when I mentor women campers. 

\n

I tell my husband this over and over and over. “You get what you pay for.” I had the money to get a new(er) camper, but I went for the deal. Sometimes that “good deal” just doesn’t work out. And then again….sometimes rainbows come after the worst of storms! I wonder how God is going to use this for good? There is a reason this has happened here and now. I just don’t know what it is yet!

\n

❤️

\n
“It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain.”    Isaiah 4:6 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-07-03T01:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/03/trailer-troublewith-a-capital-t.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","Growth","God","Wisdom","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/30/americas-bread-basket-is-baking.html", "title": "America’s Bread Basket is Baking!", "content_html": "

\"Snaps “Clockwise from top left: My rig in the summer sun in Kansas, the long straight stretch that is Kansas…look how green!, my digital laser thermometer that I use to check my hub temperatures at every stop, me looking decidedly fresher in the AM than I was by evening!”

\n

You know you are getting into farm and ranch land when you start seeing billboards advertising bovine genetics and DEKALB seed corn. I left the Lazy Day Campground in Danville, Missouri yesterday morning about 8:00. It was a very long, very HOT day. A section of I-70 was closed at Kansas City so I took the recommended detour. I recognized it as the route I usually take anyway to avoid downtown. There is one interchange on the interstate near the city where you have to get from the right hand side onramp to a left hand side exit in less than 1/4 mile. Pulling a camper makes that a real challenge, let me tell you!!! At least it wasn’t with big TOW-Wanda on a Friday night at rush hour. We have to look for the little things!

\n

When I was emptying the tanks on the camper before I left yesterday, it wasn’t 8:00 yet and the sun would take the hide right off of you. The temperature quickly soared to the high 90’s and by the time I was halfway through Kansas, it was 100. The low was only expected to go down to 80 so I stopped and got a hotel room. When I first got in the room, I cranked up the air conditioner and stretched out on the bed. I texted Mr. FixIt and said, “I am NEVER doing this again!!!” He texted back that I don’t have to. I’m holding him to it! 

\n

Ok, it was the third day. It was hard. It was hot. I was tired and probably a little hungry and dehydrated. And knowing I have over 350 more miles to go had me feeling really sorry for myself there for a few minutes. But, once I rested for a while and got something to eat and drink, I felt a ton better. When I stop tonight, it’s going to be at my son-in-law’s parents’ house so I’ll be with family. It’s going to take me a week to rest up and acclimate to the altitude. Mr. FixIt will join me on the 13th so that time will pass quickly.

\n

I had a lot of time to think about this as I was driving yesterday. I don’t like being this far away from Mr. FixIt. I thought about that from every angle. I asked myself if it was co-dependency. I don’t think it’s that at all. I do all kinds of things without him and I don’t need to be attached at the hip. I talked with my dear friend Deneene about this last night. She lost her husband unexpectedly about a year after Mr. Virgo died. She is also recently remarried. We decided it’s not co-dependency at all. It’s the fact that we KNOW what can happen and how quickly it can come. I don’t think it’s that I’m doing something without him. It’s that I’m doing something so far away from him and I can’t get to him quickly. THAT I don’t like at all.

\n

Still, it is fun in many ways. I’ve seen some beautiful countryside. The sky was blue and wide open. I’ve forgotten what that looks like living in West Virginia. (I took the picture while driving but my phone was in a cradle and all I did was touch the screen. No eyes off the road for me!) I don’t have anything pressing to do once I get to Denver so I can relax and catch up on my rest, keep myself really hydrated to counteract the altitude, knit, write, and visit with my Colorado peeps. I could not believe how green Kansas is. They had the same long, drawn out, wet spring everyone else had. It is so hard to believe the temperature is in the high 90’s in Colorado and one week ago they had two feet of snow. Crazy weather!

\n

Oh, see that picture bottom right? That’s my digital laser thermometer. After burning up an axle in Indiana two summer ago, I check my hubs religiously…every time I stop and get out of the truck. I know you can just put your hand down there and feel if it’s hot, but how hot is too hot and if it IS that hot, you’ll burn the heck out of your hand. I keep watch on it and it’s always between 100-110. That’s perfect. If it goes up, it means the bearings need grease.

\n

Well, I’m on the last leg of this Grand Adventure. The last leg of the first part of it, anyway! It’s just me and Jesus…making our way west!

\n

❤️

\n

“….“The Lord watch between you and me, when we are out of one another’s sight.”

\n

Genesis 31:49 ESV

\n

#Separation, #Marriage, #Adventure

\n", "date_published": "2019-06-30T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/30/americas-bread-basket-is-baking.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/28/road-trip-cant-keep-a.html", "title": "Road Trip: Can’t Keep a Good Gal Down!", "content_html": "

\"A “A Shady Spot”

\n

If you would have asked me at 10:00 Wednesday night, I would have told you (as I told you this morning) there was NO WAY I was going to leave for Colorado yesterday morning. Ahhhh…but, once I got past the icky stomach, took my tummy medicine, and slept a solid eight hours, it was a whole different ballgame.

\n

Because I was getting up and down, I slept in the guest room so I wouldn’t wake up Mr. FixIt. I awoke before dawn…around 5:00…and felt great. I read my devotionals and caught up on some correspondence then my sweetheart came to check on me around 7:00. I met him with a big smile and said I was good to go! He smiled back with relief. He doesn’t like it when I’m sick anymore that the other way around.

\n

It took a couple of hours to finish packing the truck and camper and I was on the road by 9:00. My first stop was Walmart to pick up a few things. I had some things to return. I got back to the camper and put away my purchases and got in the truck. There were my return items sitting on the front seat. Oy! I really didn’t want to cart them to Colorado so I went back in and stood in a long, slow line. But, it’s done and I was out before too long.

\n

The next and final stop was gas and a great big drink to stay hydrated on my trip. The young gal behind the counter was very excited because she is leaving on vacation today. Her very first camping trip! Well, I turned right back around and talked with her for awhile! I sure hope she has a grand time and decides to keep right on camping! Those first few camping trips are critical. You’ll either love it or hate it.

\n

It was really hot yesterday and about midway through my drive, I pulled over into a rest area to stretch out on my bed. Well, it was over 90 degrees! Of course, when you pull into a rest area, there’s no electricity, so no AC. You need to improvise. The last time I drove cross country alone, I stopped in Kansas for a rest and needed to do something to cool off. I had a tiny little battery fan and a cold pack from the freezer. It worked ever so slightly, but it wasn’t long before the cold pack was melted and that was the end of that.

\n

When I was at Walmart yesterday, I bought two 10” fans that are powered by fan and batteries. I’ve also taken to carrying a very large bottle of water that I keep in the freezer of the camper. Went I stretched out on my bed yesterday, I sat the large frozen container in a basin and put the fan behind it. I also had three water bottles I had frozen. I set them up in front of the other fan. I positioned myself in front of the cool air and had a lovely mini siesta. Perfect! I popped all the bottles back in the freezer before I pulled back on the highway.

\n

\"Hillbilly “Hillbilly Air Conditioner!”

\n

That right there is a little hillbilly ingenuity. Appalachians are a resourceful lot. I arrived at my favorite little campground in Richmond, Indiana at around 5:30…had supper from my slow cooker and enjoyed the beautiful surroundings as the sun went down. I tried to keep from turning on the AC, but it was still 85 degrees at 8:00 and I was done with the heat by that time. I’ve never slept all night with the AC on in this little camper. It’s pretty noisy in this tiny little space.

\n

I wrote early last night so I could have a good solid night’s sleep. Yesterday was a long day, but I didn’t get very far. That’s usually how it works on the first day out. For me, anyway. I monitored all the systems on the camper and the truck and everything worked just as it should so I don’t foresee any difficulties. As always, I say my prayers for travel mercies. I appreciate when you do, as well.

\n

Have a beautiful Friday!!!

\n

❤️

\n
“Guard me, O Lord, from the hands of the wicked; preserve me from violent men, who have planned to trip up my feet.”\n

Psalms 140:4 ESV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-06-28T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/28/road-trip-cant-keep-a.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/13/happy-birthday.html", "title": "Happy Birthday!", "content_html": "

\"Night “Happy Birthday, to ME!”

\n

June is my birthday month. 

\n

I love June. I love my birthday. So I just combine them and celebrate the whole month!

\n

After sleeping twelve hours straight on Tuesday night, Mr. FixIt and I went down to the beach and walked then played in the pool for a while. After lunch, I took a three hour nap. Seeing a trend there? It’s all about ME ‘cause it’s my birthday month!

\n

Just as I woke up, Mr. FixIt walked in to make sure I didn’t sleep too long and not be able to sleep later. Then he asked me that question every woman longs to hear.

\n

“How would you like to go eat ice cream for dinner?”

\n

Back off girls…I saw him first!

\n

Yes, ladies…I have married the perfect man. Not only does he celebrate my birthday with me for a month…but he also takes me out for an ice cream dinner. Sexiest man alive.

\n

After a dinner of butter pecan in a chocolate dipped waffle cone, we drove around. We shopped at a couple of Mr. FixIt’s stores. We found Aldi’s and picked up a few groceries. Wonderful strawberries for a dollar.

\n

A simple day…Birthday Eve.

\n

Today is my actual birthday.

\n

Sixty-six. Wow. Why does it sound so much older than sixty-five?

\n

Some of the grandchildren were over Monday evening before we left. I told them how old I was going to be.

\n

“Sixty-six! Can you believe that? It has been half a century since I was sixteen! Half a century!!! You know that’s fifty years, right???”

\n

My wise grandson-in-law said, “Did it go fast?”

\n

How do you answer that? Yes…it flew by in a nanosecond! No, it lasted forever! It’s both.

\n

It’s the coolest thing…to be sixteen plus fifty. I was sixteen in 1969…the summer of love. “God Bless Pink Summers ‘69!” That’s how my best friend signed her letters when she was off at a summer internship. Woodstock. Rock and Roll. Hippies. Bell bottoms. Long hair. 

\n

I thought I was free. 

\n

I was so wrong.

\n

It took living those fifty years to actually BECOME free. Funny how that works. I’d hate to have gone through all that and not learned the beautiful, hard, gritty, wonderful lessons involved. 

\n

Sixty-six. Nope, that doesn’t bother me a bit. 

\n

I’m a crone now. I love that!

\n

Happy Birthday to ME!

\n

❤️

\n
““ ‘ “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” ’”    Numbers 6:24-26 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-06-13T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/13/happy-birthday.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/05/finding-my-father.html", "title": "Finding my Father", "content_html": "

\"Father “I don’t remember having a loving relationship with my dad…ever.”

\n

Father’s Day is coming soon. I don’t remember ever seeing a photo of my dad holding me. I don’t remember him offering his hand to help me walk. I don’t recall any kissed booboos or falling asleep in his lap. I do remember him bouncing my brother and me on his knees to the tune of Bonanza when it aired on Sunday nights. I remember watching fireworks from the car three blocks away from the park. I remember going fishing with him…once. I wouldn’t touch the worm. He was done.

\n

My relationship with my dad was complicated. Like every little girl, I sought his approval. It never came. I sought his love. He didn’t know how to give it. He never saw me sing on stage. He never watched me perform on the balance beam. As my brother and I aged, Dad became more and more lost in a bottle of Four Roses.

\n

By the time I was an antagonistic teenager, our relationship had devolved into angry shouting matches and stony silence. He became “the man who lived upstairs”. I married and left home with the first boy who would have me and I didn’t look back. By the time I was twenty-one, to my mother’s great relief, they were divorced.

\n

Dad went back to his roots and moved into a trailer on his sister’s farm. As a widow, she was extremely careful of her reputation and when dad had to be driven home from the bar one night, she stormed into his trailer the next morning and struck him on the bottom of the feet with an iron skillet. She informed him there would never be another incident like that or he would find himself out on his ear. He ended up going on the wagon and found Jesus and married a childhood friend.

\n

I never really knew that man…the one all my cousins knew. The one all the town knew. The one who went to church every Sunday and became the model citizen…to everyone outside. But inside? Our relationship stayed exactly the same. His modus operandi was “blame and shame”. I tried. Lord knows I tried to have a relationship with him. But, in order to do that, I needed to talk about what had happened and he wasn’t interested.

\n

If he would have just once said “I’m sorry, Sis.” Oh, I learned to forgive him because he did what he knew, but that apology would have gone a long way toward mending my broken heart. Instead, I married father replacements. First, the stern disciplinarian. Then the busy doctor who couldn’t express his true feelings. Then Mr. Virgo came along and healed that spot in my heart that needed to know I was loved and cherished and….wanted.

\n

Still, I remember my therapist telling me one time, “You know, Ginny…you’re never going to find your father’s love.” I was bereft. It was as if the final page was read and the book snapped shut. The End!

\n

What do I do now?

\n

I went on. I put a bandaid over the spot where I wanted dad-memories in my heart and went on. After all, I was an adult. I was functioning as best I could with what I had to work with. It was ok, I said to myself. I don’t need a father. I don’t need anybody. Mr. Virgo was the only man I really let in and even he didn’t get to see every room.

\n

Then…my dad died.

\n

Then…Mr. Virgo died.

\n

I was never, ever going to feel that unconditional love again.

\n

I was wrong. I found love again…deep, true, lasting love with Mr. FixIt. And, I was a Christian. I had God. He was my Heavenly Father…but, I still wanted a DAD!

\n

This has been on my heart a lot in the last few weeks.  And, just like clockwork, here came the Holy Spirit to minister to that sore place within me. Recently, every sermon has been some variation of this theme.

\n

“Your dad wasn’t there for you. It’s ok. You don’t need him. He was here to do what only he could do and it hurt. But here….I’ve got some really great news for you.

\n

“God IS your dad! He loves you…absolutely…unconditionally. He CRAVES when you come sit with him and lay your head on his shoulder. He WANTS you to take his hand and walk with him. He LOVES it when you talk to him and tell him how your day went and share worries of your mind. He DESIRES you to trust him like the dad that he is. He NEEDS you to know he isn’t ever going to leave you….not ever!”

\n

Wow! How awesome is that? Knowing this…I mean really deep down in my bones KNOWING this…has healed some place deep inside my heart. I don’t have to look for my dad anywhere but up. When I want to hear him talking to me, I read the words he left for me to follow. When I don’t please him, he lets me know. The most important thing he wants me to know is I am the joy of his heart. The object of his greatest longing.

\n

Finally….finally I found my father….in my Father.

\n

❤️

\n
“The same way a loving father feels toward his children— that’s but a sample of your tender feelings toward us, your beloved children, who live in awe of you.”    Psalms 103:13 TPT
\n", "date_published": "2019-06-05T01:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/05/finding-my-father.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/04/field-of-dreams.html", "title": "Field of Dreams", "content_html": "

\"Field “My Field of Dreams.”

\n

I know, I know…how many pictures of a field am I going to post here, right? Oh…however many times I am moved by the view, I suppose…which is daily. Every day, every hour, the view changes with the light. This was taken Sunday afternoon after the heavy rain and hail that swept through the surrounding area. I love the way the sky is slightly pink as the sun begins to set over the hill far to the left there. The air is soft with humidity and brushes the edges of the woods with a velvety glow.

\n

I have a lifelong sister/friend who asked me yesterday if there wasn’t family who could come and mow this for us. After all…I’m 65. I smiled at her love and concern for me. Then I told her what I tell everyone who asks why I still mow. First, 65…nay, 66 in nine days…is young, if you ask me. Second, this is my home, too. Of course I’m going to work on it. Also, seriously…all I do is sit on a riding mower and drive around and around with headphones on listening to rock and roll music. How hard is that?

\n

My biggest reason is this…I spent my entire life praying to have exactly what I have now. I have so much joy in my heart, a few hours driving around cutting grass is the smallest of prices to pay. I truly love it! That being said, my shoulders are tired and sore when I’m done. I wish for a hot shower and a masseuse…only one of which is readily available. But it’s a good sore…a good tired. And I sleep really soundly when I’ve worked hard.

\n

I mowed the big fields yesterday while Mr. FixIt was in town working. We have a lot to get done before we head out camping on Thursday. According to the weather report, we are in for a cool, cloudy weekend with the possibility of rain showers. That’s ok…we’ll have plenty to keep us busy under the canopies. I bought walls for the canopy that will hold heat in. Gail has her canopy, as well. Camping is fun, no matter what!

\n

❤️

\n
“Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy.”    Psalm 96:11-12 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-06-04T01:30:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/04/field-of-dreams.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/03/weather-warnings.html", "title": "Weather Warnings", "content_html": "

\"WV “Clockwise from top left: Milkweed about to bloom, box turtle preparing to lay eggs, hail along the road, the field we were married in, hail from 10 miles down the road from the Ponderosa”

\n

When you live twenty miles from town and get a severe thunderstorm warning for home, you have to just hope for the best. I always send a quick prayer up when we get those alerts but this time it came while we were in the restaurant having breakfast and didn’t have our phones on us.

\n

As we were driving home, Mr. FixIt’s son called to see if we had hail. They saw a news report with quarter  sized hailstones from just a few miles away from the house. When we got closer to home, we started to see leaves on the road looking all the world like chopped salad. There were patches of white hail gathered along the roadside. The creeks were roaring. It didn’t look good.

\n

All we could think of was the campers, my truck, and water in the basement. But when we came around the last bend in the road, the damage just stopped. When we passed the house closest to us, I looked for her garden and it was pristine! No hail here! We rushed downstairs and there was no water in the basement either. God was watching out for us again!

\n

We walked around the fields in the early evening. We came across this box turtle. She had dug a hole and was preparing to lay her eggs. I’ve never seen that before. As we came around the end of the camper we are selling, a doe was standing in the field watching us. We talked quietly to her and she stood still for a long time listening before she moved on.

\n

We found a deer skull on the rocks by the creek…probably scavenged road kill from the two lane out front. The pears are getting bigger on the two trees out front. We got a couple tomato plants on clearance at Walmart so we’ll plant those this week. I also need to start getting the camper packed for the Girl Camper trip this week. And…the grass needs mowed…again.

\n

❤️

\n
“It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain.”    Isaiah 4:6 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-06-03T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/03/weather-warnings.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Prayer","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/31/keep-moving-forwardalways.html", "title": "Keep Moving Forward...Always", "content_html": "

\"Wedding “I’ve finished the wedding quilt!”

\n

I have over 28,000 emails on my iPhone. This makes my daughter crazy. She says, “What if you missed something???” I say, “Yeah, there’s always a chance of that. But, what if I stayed on my phone for 8 hours a day reading, answering, or deleting every e-mail that came through? I wouldn’t get anything else done.”

\n

I have been known to miss an occasional message, but for the most part, when I scan through, I see the important stuff. A couple of weeks ago, I saw something intriguing come through. Someone was searching for quotes about if or how and why blogging through grief has helped me cope. I wrote back and didn’t think much more about it.

\n

It was a rainy, cool day yesterday. I cuddled up in my little camper and stitched the binding on my daughter’s wedding quilt and listened to the rain hit the roof. Occasionally, I caught a glimpse of something brown running by and under my camper. It was two large rabbits. They chased each other all afternoon and made me smile. They made me think of Watership Down. One stopped beneath my window in plain sight. I whispered, “Be careful of the hrududus, bunny!”

\n

Sometimes I feel like I run out of things to say here. I think maybe you’ve heard every story I ever knew. Sometimes I think I begin to sound like your slightly dotty Aunt Felicity who tells you everything she ate today. I know that’s an exaggeration, but still…I wonder if I’m wearing out my welcome. When I stitch or knit or mow or drive, I have conversations with God and I ask him to tell me when I’m done. And, every…single…time, He sends me someone to tell me, “No, dear one. Not yet. Someone tomorrow needs your stories.”

\n

As I stitched on my daughter’s wedding quilt, I watched old black & white reruns of the Andy Griffith Show. Up popped a message from a reader I haven’t heard from in four and a half years. In those years she had lost a husband. Had gained a love. And nearly lost him to a silent heart attack. My posts that they’ve been reading together helped them to see how life can change in an instant. They are working together to create a new life, new adventures, in a new direction. They asked me to please keep doing what I’m doing. It made me cry. God knows our hearts. He hears our pleas. And he sends us answers if we’ll just slow down and listen and pay attention.

\n

After reading that, another message popped up. It was from the woman who wrote to me two weeks ago seeking that quote and the article was published yesterday. I read down through the stories of all the people she had quoted and realized two of them I am connected with on Twitter. I’ll connect with the others now.

\n

Grief is a solitary business yet it thrusts us into a community of others going through similar experiences. The biggest point I made in my story for the article was this…you are not alone. No matter how hard grief is. No matter how isolating it is. No matter how crazy and lonely and forgetful it makes you…you are never truly alone. For me…I have Jesus and my family and you guys.

\n

I’m not about to quit on that.

\n

You can read the collection of stories here: https://www.aklander.co.uk/news/why-blogging-can-help-with-grief

\n

❤️

\n
“For that reason, I don’t run just for exercise or box like one throwing aimless punches, but I train like a champion athlete. I subdue my body and get it under my control, so that after preaching the good news to others I myself won’t be disqualified.”\n

1 Corinthians 9:26-27 TPT

\n", "date_published": "2019-05-31T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/31/keep-moving-forwardalways.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/30/severe-weather.html", "title": "Severe Weather", "content_html": "

\"Weather\" “Severe weather, volunteer pumpkins, a more mowing…another day on the Ponderosa.”

\n

As with most of you, I browsed the news yesterday morning and saw the destruction from the many severe storms throughout the Midwest. I know people there…I was praying for them all. I knew we were supposed to get some rain yesterday, but I didn’t know how severe the storm was going to be.

\n

I went to Schoolhouse Quilts around lunchtime to pick up my daughter’s wedding quilt. I need to sew the binding and then it will be finished. I was finishing my coffee while I visited with Carolyn, the owner. My phone rang. It was Mr. FixIt telling me to look at the radar…we were about to get hit hard.

\n

I wrapped it up quickly, paid for the quilting, and ran to the truck just as the rain started. We live in a really small town. A grocery store, a Dollar General, the quilt shop, a pizza place, a gas station, the thrift store, and a couple of churches. That’s about it. It didn’t take long to drive to “the other side of town”. 

\n

I was about to the Piggly Wiggly when the lightning started striking all around me. I could see it hitting the hillside in front of me. I saw the flashes out of my peripheral vision…on both sides. I quickly turned into the parking lot, but it was raining too hard and the lightening was coming hard and fast. I couldn’t even pull up close to the store. I think some other people had the same idea.

\n

I pulled my phone out and opened the Weather Channel app. It has a very reliable radar. When I saw it, I understood what a “Severe Thunderstorm Warning” looked like while it was happening. The notice at the top of the screen said “Lightning detected 0 miles north of you.” Yeah…no kidding!

\n

I sent the screen shot to Mr. FixIt and told him where I was and I was going to sit this one out. Then I thought of the leaky basement and really wanted to get home. I closed my eyes and prayed hard. I told Jesus I knew he had calmed the seas when the storm was raging and I trust that He gives us that same power. I told the storm, in Jesus’ name, to break away and part the sky so I could get home safely.

\n

Less that one minute later…the clouds parted. And even though the radar still showed lightning activity…there was nothing near me. I was home in less than two minutes. These are the things that amaze me. Not because I doubt they can be done. They can. I see it all the time. But it amazes me that I would never have done something like that just a few years ago. I was the scientist. The skeptic. The unbeliever.

\n

Coincidence? Maybe. But I’m telling you what I saw immediately after I prayed for it. It doesn’t make me special or important or better than anyone else. It just makes me believe more. The storms eventually moved out by afternoon. Mr. FixIt came home and I mowed the big field while he ran the weed eater and the push mower. We are due for more storms today so I am planning on sitting and working on my daughter’s quilt.

\n

As I was out mowing around the burn pile, I noticed a large amount of green growth. I looked closer and there was a volunteer pumpkin vine growing from the ashes. I smiled. We burned that brush pile the week before our wedding. When the wedding was over, we used the pumpkins for Halloween decorations. Then, after the first freeze and they got soggy, Mr. FixIt threw them on the brush pile. That’s what I love about WV. You can throw a seed out there and it can grow all on its own. 

\n

Same with love. 

\n

❤️

\n
““Teacher,” said John, “we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us.” “Do not stop him,” Jesus said. “For no one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me, for whoever is not against us is for us.”    Mark 9:38-40 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-05-30T01:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/30/severe-weather.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","West Virginia","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/20/a-lovely-summer-evening.html", "title": "A Lovely Summer Evening", "content_html": "

\"Peony\" “Spring? It’s more like summer here in West Virginia!”

\n

Ok…it’s not officially summer for another month. But the temperature on the truck was 93 yesterday afternoon so that is close enough for me! Mr. FixIt and I camped in the yard beside the big building Saturday night and it was wonderful. The windows were open and a small fan on low kept us very comfortable. The mattress in the camper is better than any in the house and it’s the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a week. The climb-over-you bed configuration wasn’t a problem so I think we’re a go for the big Colorado trip later this summer.

\n

Church was wonderful…again. As I stood there, holding Mr. FixIt’s hand, praising with the other…I counted my blessings as I counted my bonus family down the pew. Afterwards was breakfast out and catching up with what’s going on in their busy lives. (They thought it was very funny that their grandpa and I camped in the yard. He does lots of new things since I came along!)

\n

We delivered a saw to his son and checked out the deck they are rebuilding. Then we headed home. I had a deadline to meet on this new writing project I’m involved with so I climbed in my little camper, turned on the AC, and got busy. In the meantime, someone came to look at the camper we are selling. When we were both finished, we did that very fun thing we love to do…we took a drive and stopped for ice cream!

\n

As we walked back in, the light was perfect on our peonies just outside the back door so I had to stop and snap a picture. It was the perfect summation of the day…soft and sweet, warm and blessed. As I write this, I am again in the little camper, the windows flung open, the frogs peeping in the creek beyond the far field. What a rich and lovely life we lead!

\n

❤️

\n
“The season has changed, the bondage of your barren winter has ended, and the season of hiding is over and gone. The rains have soaked the earth and left it bright with blossoming flowers. The season for singing and pruning the vines has arrived. I hear the cooing of doves in our land, filling the air with songs to awaken you and guide you forth.”    Song of Songs 2:11-12 TPT
\n", "date_published": "2019-05-20T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/20/a-lovely-summer-evening.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Be Joyful!","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/08/too-close-to-home.html", "title": "Too Close to Home", "content_html": "

\"School “How many more children have to die before something is done about this?”

\n

Another school shooting. Seven miles from Columbine. They recently observed the 20th anniversary of the school shooting that seemed to change everything. Copycat killers, looking for moments of notoriety, sprung up everywhere, it seems.

\n

What is causing all this? I have my theories. Personally, I think things started taking a giant slide down a slippery slope when Dr. Spock said don’t spank your kids. I’m not for violence by any means, but my kids got a proper swat on their butts when they were out of line. And they are great adults. 

\n

Kids aren’t given outlets for their anger anymore. I was talking with my son-in-law’s mom last night. Her mother was discussing this with her contemporaries in the assisted living center at supper. She said, in her day and age, there were bullies, and kids got in scraps, but you had a row and got it over with. Now, children are handled with kid gloves and they can’t fight back. 

\n

They also get left with video games and the internet as their babysitters. You cannot tell me that violent video games don’t have an impact on children today. How can it not? You can’t sit for hours at a time, shooting and maiming “people” in this realistic scenarios and not be desensitized to the violence. It becomes the norm.

\n

This one hit close to home. While not in my daughter’s district, she teaches at a STEM school and my granddaughter is a student at that same school. (Not the one where the shooting occurred yesterday, thank God.) She used to work with many of the teachers at the school where the shooting occurred. The principal is my daughter’s sister-in-law’s best friend. 

\n

This is getting too close. 

\n

They’re ALL too close!

\n

Something has to be done. Our children go into a war zone every single day. Teachers and school staff, too. This is not the country we were raised in. It’s not the country my children were raised in either. I own guns. But my guns are locked up in a safe. I have a .22 hidden when I am at the farm in case I’m bothered by a two-legged varmint.

\n

I pray. I pray a lot. But, something has to be done. Our children are killing and being killed. Prayers are wonderful…but we need more. I’m not writing this to invite debate. This is not the place for that. There are better places for that…like with our representatives. I’m just crying out as a Nana. A very, very concerned Nana.

\n

As an aside…I arrived at the campground without incident. 

\n

I pray for those families. The ones who got the call. And for the families of the shooters. how horrifying.

\n

???

\n
“For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother's righteous.\n

 

\n

We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.”

\n

 

\n

1 John 3:11-12, 14-15 ESV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-05-08T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/08/too-close-to-home.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","God","Anger","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/04/unbeatable-laughterunbearable-tears.html", "title": "Unbeatable Laughter...Unbearable Tears", "content_html": "

\"Cake “Chocolate cake pops aren’t the most delectable looking things till they get their pretty candy coating.”

\n

The last couple of days were an incredible jumble of extreme emotions. First, we had an intense discussion about the impact of addiction in this area and on our lives. It was deeply personal and what is said in the room, stays in the room. Suffice it to say, I could not wait to get out and call my daughters and thank them for never going down that particular path. As I left messages for them…(who’s kid ever answers the phone these days?)…I broke down in tears. Because…instead of my kids being addicted…it had been me when they were growing up. I hate that I exposed them to opioid and alcohol abuse and the aftermath it caused. But, what the enemy tried to kill, God has used to our good and His glory. 

\n

Later in the evening, Daughter #1 called me back. I adore both of my girls and they couldn’t be more different. My firstborn has always been the strong, dependable kid who turned into a wonderful woman and an excellent mother, but she’s not a terribly demonstrative person. She is a little crusty on the outside but soft in the center but she’d rather chew off her arm than show it. When I answered the phone, I could hear that slightly vulnerable tenderness in her voice that I so seldom get to hear and my heart melted.

\n

She went on to regale me with a story about her evening. It seems HER firstborn informed her earlier in the week that she needed cake pops for a going away party for one of her friends. She needed them yesterday. And…she wanted them shaped like pineapples for some reason. Now, Daughter #1 is highly creative, and an incredible teacher, but she was not particularly crafty or interested in baking when she was young. It’s amazing what we do for our kids, isn’t it? 

\n

She looked up how to make cake pops on YouTube and Pinterest. She e-mailed her principal who makes cake pops for stress relief. She found out that…surprise, surprise…cake pops are not baked in molds with sticks in them and then dipped in frosting. Actually, you bake the cake, let it cool, crumble it up very fine, then mix in a little bit of frosting. Just enough to work it together into a ball but not enough to get it wet. I had no idea!

\n

Since my granddaughter asked for chocolate, my daughter baked two layers of chocolate cake. Then she used a small ice cream scoop to make balls of the dough and rolled them into a slightly oblong egg shape to represent little pineapples. Then she stuck sticks in them that had been dipped in the melted candy coating so they would stick. At this point, it struck her what her little creations actually LOOKED like and she had to send me pictures. We laughed til we cried. It was so delightful. I was so proud of her…for everything. Being a good kid and a great mom. For having a sense of humor. For loving me so much, even though I make her crazy half the time and she can’t let me know either way.

\n

Then, yesterday, one of my mom’s cousins texted to tell me another cousin in Illinois passed away on Sunday. That made me sad because I just loved Betty Mae. When she and her family came to West Virginia to visit my grandma, it was an EVENT, I’m telling you. I sent a potted plant with a note and then called my aunt and uncle to make sure they knew.

\n

Remember I told you I made the difficult decision to not go to my niece’s graduation in Indiana? Well, I found out the graduation is outside today…in the rain…in Indiana…in tornado season. They’re giving them ponchos to wear. Oy! That’s not why God prompted me to cancel, though. Mr. FixIt was driving home yesterday and he got the strongest urge to call his best friend. When he did, his friend was crying because his wife had just passed away. His friend is going to need him here and I am so grateful I listened to the whispers of the Holy Spirit telling me not to go!

\n

The camper is almost ready for my big camping trip next week. I installed a new smoke detector yesterday, packed some things in the overhead cabinets over the dinette, added deodorizer to the tanks, and swept the floors. There were a couple of very small holes on the wall where I removed some curtain hardware so I filled them with a little caulking. I tried putting the quilts that I wanted to use on the bed but they are too small for the queen bed. That’s ok…I’ll use the all white quilt I used in big TOW-Wanda and just fold the extra quilts at the bottom of the bed for decoration. The only thing left to do is wash the floors and windows, lay down the rugs, take out the trash, and finish packing. It’s supposed to storm all day today, so I can get in there and play…and maybe we’ll camp in the driveway tonight! 

\n

❤️

\n
“So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.”    Ecclesiastes 8:15 NIV\n

“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.””    Revelation 21:4 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-05-04T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/04/unbeatable-laughterunbearable-tears.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/30/i-choose-joy.html", "title": "I Choose Joy!", "content_html": "

\"Surf “I’m choosing joy by choosing to remember the special moments we spent at the seashore last week.”

\n

Even though Pastor Justin’s message Sunday morning was about choosing joy, I just had one of my “bad nights”. Yesterday’s post indicated I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I did. Re-entry from vacation was part of it. Being overly tired was another. And, after being gone a week, there was a lot of catching up to do and we just heard one bad thing after another all day. It just hit me hard. Combine that with eating a greasy burger too late in the evening and I was up half the night.

\n

I tried all my go-to remedies and nothing seemed to help. I was up pacing the floor. I tried snuggling with Mr. FixIt and that helped, but I was too hot. Finally, I took a Benadryl because I had been out mowing all afternoon and my head was throbbing. I settled into the guest room, opened the window to let the cool night air in, and read my Bible till I got drowsy. When I finally slept, it was sound and deep and restful…just what I asked God for in my nightly prayers. He is a good Father…His lullaby is perfect.

\n

I hit the ground running yesterday and went for the MRI of my foot. I’ve had several MRI’s in my lifetime. I couldn’t believe it took a whole hour! It was an open MRI and, of course, the only thing in it was my foot. But the noises were the same. The technician turned up the music really loud and I listened to the country station for an hour. The only hard part was boredom thinking of all the things I could have been doing. Laying still on my back for an hour on a hard table wasn’t too much fun. I just used the time to have a conversation with God.

\n

I needed to have fasting blood drawn from an appointment a couple of weeks ago and I kept forgetting to go in so I did that. Then I stopped at the mall and bought yet another dress for the wedding. I can’t seem to make up my mind but this one I really liked and it was 50% off. I can wear it to my niece’s college graduation this weekend and see how I like it. I even found some cute little sandals that were also half price. I’m not buying any more dresses!

\n

My last stop was Walmart for new sheets for the camper. I’m not one for keeping a lot of old sheets around. I buy two pair and rotate them till they’re worn out. I’ll bet I could count on two hands how many sets of sheets I’ve had in my life. Funny thing…they are exactly the same pattern as the sheets I bought for the big camper five years ago. I would have used those, but they were full size and the new camper ya s a queen bed. I also picked up a couple of throw rugs and a new shower curtain. Everything else will get moved from the old camper to the new one.

\n

Before we leave, I need to treat the fresh water tank with a mild bleach solution and run it through the pipes. Then I need to put some Dawn dish soap, Calgon Water Softener, more water, and a bag of ice in the black tank and take the camper for a drive to let it all slosh around in the tank and dislodge anything gunking up the works. I will drive up to a rest area up north and empty the tanks and get them all ready for Thursday. Once I get back home, I’ll make the beds and wipe down the surfaces. I’ll wipe out the fridge and the cabinets and wash the floors. Once the bathroom is cleaned, I can put down the new rugs. I’ll pack it up and we’ll be ready to go!

\n

So…today I choose joy. Even in the busy rush of life and travel preparation. Just breathe. Just breathe.

\n

❤️

\n
“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.”    Psalm 94:19 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-30T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/30/i-choose-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/29/the-weight-of-the-world.html", "title": "The Weight of the World", "content_html": "

\"Statue\" “Sometimes things seem too heavy. That’s when I need to stop and read my devotionals.”

\n

Don’t you sometimes feel like you’re carrying a whole lot of weight on your shoulders? One should come home from vacation feeling refreshed and relaxed. While we had a fabulous vacation and I enjoyed every single minute of it, I always come home with a mountain of work to do and if I’m not careful, I’ll forget the joy of the vacation altogether. 

\n

When we got home Saturday night, it was raining but we emptied the truck as best we could. This left containers laying around to be emptied. Before we could put anything away, we had to clean the kitchen counters from spraying for ants last week. Then all the stuff that had been moved to the island to get moved back to the counter. THEN the kitchen stuff could be put away. This after driving twelve hours…the majority of which was done by my sweet husband.

\n

We were up early and out the door for church with the grandkids then our usual breakfast. We had errands to run before we finally got back home. Mr. FixIt had the rest of the truck to empty while I cleaned the kitchen and put away more stuff. Then he got out the push mower and weed eater and I hopped on the riding mower. Three hours later, we gave up because it was cold and we were hungry.

\n

We have really felt our age this last year, it seems. Aches and pains that never slowed us down are starting to get in the way. We can’t work sunup to sundown like we once did and that is frustrating. Made more so by the post-vacation blues. The next couple of weeks are going to be super busy. We need to finish the mowing at the Ponderosa then we have to go mow at the farm, I have an MRI on my foot today to see what the problem is that’s causing pain, then I have to de-winterize and prepare the new camper for her maiden voyage. 

\n

We leave Thursday for Indiana to see my niece graduate from college. We get back on Sunday, I’ll have one day to clean up the camper, restock, and do laundry before I turn around and take her up north for a week with the Girl Campers. Then I’ll have some down time. Knitting and napping and sitting around the campfire will be the order of the day. Until then, every day is jam-packed with busy. It is during times like this I have to actually set an an alarm and force myself to sit down and do my bible study. Those are the moments that carry me through the rest of it.

\n

❤️

\n
“Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.”   \n

Mark 1:35 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-29T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/29/the-weight-of-the-world.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","Humbled","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/28/home-sweet-home.html", "title": "Home, Sweet Home", "content_html": "

\"Welcome “Home, Sweet Home…West Virginia!”

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I keep forgetting what a long drive that is coming back from the beach in one day. Twelve hours. And that’s not dilly-dallying around, either. Potty breaks only. It rained the last hour and I-77 is under perpetual repair so that slowed us down a bit. It was in the low 50’s when we got home which was a darned sight cooler than the beach was, but we were so grateful for God’s travel mercies. We only saw a couple of minor accidents on the way home. It was such a wonderful trip.

\n

When you get home like that, the last thing you want to do is empty the truck, but we did anyway. It’s almost all put away.

\n

We sprayed for ants before we left and there were just a few sighted. Nothing like before we left. And there was NO WATER in the basement! I prayed hard for that one. TRULY the very last thing you want to do when you get home from a long trip is to suction water out of a soggy basement. Oh, and the grass is nearly a foot deep in places! We mowed the day before we left. Oy!

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\"Redbud\" “Redbud are still blooming on top of the mountains in West Virginia!”

\n

So…we are home safe, suntanned, and very tired. I’ll leave you early with some photos of the day. The dogwoods are in full bloom. The redbud are past their prime except for the top of the mountains. I caught this one at the West Virginia Welcome Center on I-64. The Welcome to West Virginia sign is always a beautiful sight, even though it signals there are still at least three and a half hours of driving left!

\n

\"Dogwood\" “The dogwood trees are in full bloom and are like little fairies in the woods.”

\n

I would like to take this opportunity and congratulate my dear friend Deneene on her marriage to her sweet Mark yesterday. It was an intimate family-only affair but I got to see it on FB Live. Unfortunately, we will be unable to attend their open house in South Carolina next weekend as we will be watching my niece graduate from college in Indiana. I had the honor of walking with Deneene in her early grief and have watched her heart heal and expand to include new love. Congratulations, my sweet friends! I love you and miss you so!

\n

Happy Sunday…can’t wait to get to church!

\n

❤️

\n
“If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”\n

Psalm 139:9-10 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-28T01:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/28/home-sweet-home.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","West Virginia","Gratitude","Love","God","Peaceful Moments","Be Joyful!","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/27/goodbyefor-now.html", "title": "Goodbye...For Now", "content_html": "

\"Best “Best Friends”

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Goodbyes are so hard…especially since losing Mr. Virgo. My world perspective has forever changed and grief has colored every thought since that fateful day. I am so aware of how tenuous life is and how strong the bonds between us and those we hold most dear.

\n

Today we have to say so long to our dearest family/friends as they head back home to Colorado and we head back home to the Ponderosa. We have had such a delightful week. The weather seriously couldn’t have been more perfect. Our first morning here dawned sunny and gorgeous and remained the same the entire week until a band of severe thunder storms came through last evening. It rained hard into the night and brought cooler temperatures but today is supposed to be sunny with a high around 70 so it will be perfect traveling weather.

\n

While grief and death are not in the forefront of my thoughts anymore, there are certain things that have changed because of my loss. Now, when I see a scene, I see it through the eyes of a widow and know the scenes I wish I had pictures of. As we watched the sunset in a quiet cove along the sound in the Cape Hatteras National Seashore the other night, I looked back. I noticed Ben & Sue turn to take in the last of the golden light as the sun dipped below the horizon over the glassy surface of the water. I smiled as Sue reached for Ben’s hand and I reached for my cell phone to snap this picture. I added the location and date and sent it to her. 

\n

We do not know when our time will come, but we do know statistically that women outlive their husbands. When Mr. Virgo died, I really had fewer photos of him than I thought. I wanted to make sure Ben & Sue had all the special events of the week recorded for posterity. 

\n

As we drove down to the beach last weekend, I kept thinking…”It’ll be over in an instant and we’ll be driving back home.” And, here we are. But…oh, my. We made some beautiful memories together this week and I will cherish this time together for the rest of my life. 

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❤️

\n
“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”    Psalm 133:1 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-27T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/27/goodbyefor-now.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Grief","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Be Joyful!","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/22/service-sunshine-and-seafood.html", "title": "Service, Sunshine, and Seafood", "content_html": "

\"Low “Low Country Shrimp and Grits”

\n

We enjoyed our Easter service at the United Methodist Church across the road from our timeshare. We attended the contemporary services and the music was very nice. The sermon was thought provoking. And it was fun to go to a Southern church and see folks in their Easter dresses. The children enjoyed a demonstration up front with the Pastor before the services began. The church itself was lovely with floor to ceiling windows overlooking the Curratuck Sound.

\n

Afterwards, we drove around and found a restaurant that was open and had a seafood extravaganza and ate till they had to roll us home. I had the Low Country Shrimp and Grits. Yummmmmm. We came back to the condo and some napped while others walked or made phone calls. We were all still too full to eat dinner but we did finally polish off the apple pie we started Saturday night.

\n

It was a lovely, lazy, family day sharing stories and photos. Today, we are tourists!

\n

❤️

\n
“The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.””\n

Mark 6:30-31 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-22T01:30:32-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/22/service-sunshine-and-seafood.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Fun","Gratitude","Grace","Peace","Holiday","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/21/easter-sunday.html", "title": "Easter Sunday", "content_html": "

\"Curratuck “The sunset over the Curratuck Sound:

\n

I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older…or maybe it’s gaining a deeper connection to God…but Easter this year seems to have a much, much deeper meaning for me than ever before. I have a close church family relationship…probably for the first time in my life. And I have Mr. FixIt and my bonus family to go to church with. Whatever the reason, this Easter is completely different…personal.

\n

We arrived at the beach yesterday afternoon and did our obligatory stop at the grocery store. We weren’t at the condo more than half an hour when my son-in-law’s parents arrived. Oh, my…I love them dearly and was SO excited to see them. Ben & Sue are the salt of the earth. Good, hardworking people with great character and a terrific sense of humor. I’ve known them now since 1993 or so. I’ll tell you what…my daughter won the lottery when it comes to her husband and in-laws!

\n

Sue and I never really talked about faith much till the last couple of years and it has been wonderful to share that part of myself with her. We have a lot of wonderful discussions and I am so happy to have them here with us this week.

\n

We found a church right across the street that has an 11:00 service today so we won’t miss Easter.

\n

May you all have a blessed Easter! And for my Jewish family and friends…Happy Passover!

\n

❤️

\n
“He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ””    Luke 24:6-7 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-04-21T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/21/easter-sunday.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/19/good-friday.html", "title": "Good Friday", "content_html": "

\"Flowering “My grandma’s pretty posies…I love to visit them.”

\n

I ran to the farm yesterday to pick up my laundry I left hanging to dry. I took a quick walkabout to see Grandma’s posies. She loved them so much and I always feel so close to her when I see them. 

\n

Grandma loved Easter time. Her flowers were beautiful and she almost always had all of her family together to go to church. I feel terrible that I won’t be attending church with the kids this weekend, but there is a church right across the road from the condo so we will still get to go to an Easter service.

\n

The bags are packed. Going to the time share is much like camping…we take extra linens and pots and pans because the one’s there are somewhat lacking in substance. We also bring some dry goods with us because groceries down there are so expensive. So, the truck will be packed first thing in the morning and we’ll hit the road no later than 9:00.

\n

Small group last night was wonderful. I talked to the girls about Passover and the rituals around the Seder meal. I brought some traditional foods for them to taste. They weren’t crazy about the gefilte fish!

\n

Kathy spoke about Easter. She told how Jesus washed the feet of the Disciples. Then, she prepared a basin and pitcher of warm water and washed all of our feet. It was a humbling experience. When she was done, I stepped forward and invited her to sit so that I could wash hers. I followed her example and told her the beautiful attributes Jesus sees when He looks at her. I thanked her for being such a shining example of a humble servant for all of us to see. And I told her how much I dearly love her.

\n

What a wonderful way to start out our week!

\n

❤️

\n
“It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean. When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.”   John 13:1-17 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-19T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/19/good-friday.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/14/darkness-into-light.html", "title": "Darkness into Light", "content_html": "

\"Palm “Looking back, I am humbled by my deliverance.”

\n

The stress of doing taxes this week made me sit back and reflect how differently I cope now as opposed to twenty years ago. Back then, I felt like that guy on Ted Mack’s Amateur Hour. You know the one…he twirled plates on top of sticks. First one, then two, then five…and eventually, he had about twelve of them spinning. He ran from one stick to another, desperately trying to keep all the plates spinning without crashing to the ground. 

\n

I did a great job spinning plates till…I didn’t. I burned out. I hit the wall. There were lots of reasons why, but the bottom line was…I didn’t have good coping skills. I had an alcoholic father. I seriously should have known not to push the drinking thing. But, more and more, I relied on alcohol to prop me up. 

\n

I had situational anxiety. Going to a party? I’d have a drink in the bathroom while I put on my makeup and called on “Ginny the Party Girl” to step forward…emboldened by a beer. Going to the game with the hospital administrator and his wife? Drink LOTS of beers. Hosting a dinner party for the medical staff? Wine…more wine! It got worse and worse.

\n

When my marriage started to fall apart, I was terrified. I had no idea how to cope because I worshiped at the altar of my husband. I only had a cursory relationship with God and I didn’t know Jesus at all. I was relying entirely on someone fairly unreliable….myself. When thing became difficult between me and my husband, I started drinking about an hour before he was due home so I could get through the evening. Many times I just got too wasted to cook so I went to bed, leaving my family to fend for themselves. 

\n

At the very end of our marriage, I found myself standing in a closet in the dark, drinking really expensive tequila straight from the bottle. I knew…KNEW in that moment that I was in dire straits. Unfortunately, when you are in that place, it’s really, really hard to pull yourself out of it without some help. I was just functional enough to fool people into thinking I still had it together…but I did not.

\n

Our last Thanksgiving, my best friend’s husband caught me sneaking into their kitchen during dinner and drinking shots of tequila. I fell asleep on their couch while all the guests were at the table having dessert. I was desperately ill, but I was also an embarrassment. My husband didn’t know what to do with me. When I overdosed a couple of months later, I made the decision for him and I went away to get the help I needed. 

\n

Now, as a Christian, I know that God uses all things for my good and for HIS glory. Last week in church, I said my usual prayer…”Lord, if you have a message just for me, please deliver it through Pastor Justin.” And, in his message, God sent this…

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“God will use your experiences for your good. He will use them for His glory. Your experiences are your story and your story has power. It has the power to change people. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and share your testimony.”

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I smiled.

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God himself told me in that moment that, no matter how bad I got…no matter how messy my life was…no matter how dysfunctional I had been…He had saved me. HE came for ME! He left the 99 and came for the ONE. And when He found me, He carried me on His shoulders back to the flocks and announced to all…”Look, I’ve found my lost sheep! Come! Help me celebrate!”

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I know God has great things in store for me. I anticipate the unexpected, just like Christine Caine preaches in her book, Unexpected: Leave Fear Behind, Move Forward in Faith, Embrace the Adventure. Yes, sometimes the unexpected is bad. But, sometimes it is amazing. I could never in a million years have imagined back when I was in the throes of torment…where I’d be today. I am so incredibly grateful that Jesus never gave up on me. He pursued me relentlessly because He had a plan. He knew what I was capable of. I am so humbled by His Love. Through Him, I can turn a dark and painful time into a testimony of the Goodness of God  

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On this…Palm Sunday…remember the triumphal return of Jesus to Jerusalem is also the beginning of Holy Week. It is the true beginning of the end of His earthly walk. May you all be blessed and humbled in the coming week.

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❤️

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““What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.”    \n

Matthew 18:12-14 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-14T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/14/darkness-into-light.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Choices","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/13/always-be-humble-and-kind.html", "title": "Always be Humble and Kind", "content_html": "

\"Dandelion\" “I love when God sends me a not-so-gentle reminder to chill out!”

\n

As I’m writing this, I’m propped up in bed, the windows flung wide, the peepers peeping their springtime love song. It is 10:30pm…I just finished a long and particularly grueling day sitting in front of my computer, doing my taxes. One frustration after another…but I doggedly pressed on with only a couple of short tempered outbursts. Finally…finally I got it all filled out and pressed “send” only to find out, yet again, my laptop won’t connect to the internet. I mean…it SAYS it’s connected, but I get a page that says “Cannot find page. Check your internet connection.” It works elsewhere, just not here. So, I said enough is enough for one day and I will pick it up tomorrow….today to you.

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In preparation for a day that could be stress-filled, I spent an extra long time in scripture before I got out of bed. I read my devotionals. I listened to a little praise music. I put on the full armor of God. And still, after twelve hours in front of the screen, I found my stress level rising. Poor Mr. FixIt steered clear of me most of the day and when he did have to sit with me, he was very loving and supportive. Good man.

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When I finally called it quits for the day, I was too tired to even go out to TOW-Wanda to write…something I really look forward to when the weather is warm. I came into the bedroom to write, fully prepared to let loose a diatribe about how darned frustrating it is to spend a whole day on the taxes only to find out you have to pay a BOATLOAD. I climbed into bed, set up my little lap desk, opened my iPad, and God smacked me right between the eyes.

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?

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There, staring back at me was a picture of a woman squatting down in front of an absolutely emaciated young child…so tiny and frail and nothing but skin and bones. She’s holding a water bottle up to the child’s lips….the little one with her head tipped back, gratefully taking a sip as she clings to a crust of bread in her tiny hand.

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I am humbled…ashamed of my anger and frustration that I felt only seconds before.

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Look what I have. A roof over my head, food on my table, clean water and air, a warm bed to sleep in, health, family…God. 

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Yes, paying a big tax bill was not what I expected. But you know what? Just two weeks ago, God gave me a hefty settlement check for the accident I was in two years ago. I had a brain bleed, but can walk and talk. I lost four months of my memory, but my family didn’t have to lay me in the ground. And that check will cover my taxes and then some. 

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There is always something to be grateful for. ALWAYS.

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Thank you, God…for your provision. And for the stern reminder of how good I have it. You are a good, good Father.

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❤️

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“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”    Ephesians 4:2 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-13T01:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/13/always-be-humble-and-kind.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Anger","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/10/bad-night-great-day.html", "title": "Bad Night - Great Day", "content_html": "

\"James “Resist the devil and he will flee.”

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I remember back in the first two to three years of my grief, I often had what I referred to as “bad nights”. Nights were especially difficult from the beginning. Too many hours stretched ahead with too much time to think…especially since I had such a hard time sleeping. It didn’t take much to send my mind chasing rabbits and soon a thought would have me in a tailspin. I spent SO many nights alternating between gripping the mattress and throwing up. All. Night. Long. It was brutal.

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Thankfully, that finally evened out. Partially from time and healing, but mostly because I got a grip on my anxiety once I learned it’s source. Some may call it a trick of the mind, but I have been much more successful in not only controlling my anxiety, but sending it packing altogether. Prayer and petition to God to come in and bring me comfort helps tremendously. One thing has really helped me and the old me would have rolled my eyes with a “Right…sure…ok.”

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That one thing is banishing Satan. The enemy comes to rob, steal, and destroy. He is the force behind the thoughts “You can’t handle anything.” “You will always have anxiety.” “I’ll make sure you are miserable all the days of your life…this will never get better.” When I feel anxiety creeping in, I talk out loud now. I just tell the old goat to get the heck away from me because I don’t believe his stinking lies. 

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The second thing I do is listen to praise music. I have discovered if I’m having anxiety and I start playing praise music and singing along, the anxiety dissipates. I cannot be anxious and upset while praising Jesus.

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And…I’m human. Sometimes I forget to do those things and I get caught with my guard down. That’s what happened on Monday when we drove by my dad’s house and saw it had been torn down. I immediately felt sick and I let things spiral. I felt horrible and out of control. I could hardly eat a thing and that night, after writing my post, I tried eating a bowl of cereal and immediately got sick.

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I did excuse myself to the guest bedroom so as not to interrupt Mr. FixIt’s sleep. I took something to settle my stomach and I read the Bible and listened to praise music. And I asked God to send his angels to wrap their wings around me and keep me safe. I immediately fell into a deep sleep and awoke refreshed and feeling much better.

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I knew I needed to spend some time at the farm, though. The Farm is my touchstone. I drove out and sorted through my papers to prepare the taxes. I drank coffee and walked around the yard looking at Grandma’s posies. Once the paperwork was sorted, I took a little snooze in Grandma’s bed and finally headed back to The Ponderosa.

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Mr. FixIt did yard work all day. The field looked like a well manicured golf course. He wanted to show me some things so we walked the entire five acres, hand-in-hand, marveling at the spring beauty. We inched through a rose bramble to look for arrowheads on the creek-bank. We moved an old fallen tree. We found violets in the grass and looked for frogs in the ditch along the road.

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Last night, just before bed, we went out back in our robes and slippers and held hands while we counted stars. The “bad night” of the night before wasn’t even in my memory. It had been banished with a stern warning…spoken aloud…”Get away from me Satan…you have no dominion over me!” He isn’t as powerful as he would like you to think he is. He can’t read our thoughts so we must speak aloud to him.

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Every time I get closer to Jesus…every time I raise my hand in church and further commit my heart to Christ…the enemy swings hard. He does this for the precise reason…he knows I’m a threat. He knows who lives in my heart…who is my true north. And he hates that. That’s ok. I can do hard things. I can have a “bad night” if it means I get so much greatness on the other side. 

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❤️

\n
“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”    James 4:7 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-10T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/10/bad-night-great-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/08/a-room-with-a-view.html", "title": "A Room With a View", "content_html": "

\"Camper “This was the biggest selling point on this camper.”

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I could hardly wait to get home yesterday afternoon. We had a beautiful day….the baby dedication at church was lovely and we had a family breakfast afterwards. Then we ran errands. It rained while we were in church and again while we were eating breakfast. Then it was dark and cloudy all afternoon. We got home about 4:00 and I made a bee line for TOW-Wanda III and a much anticipated Sunday afternoon nap. I was no sooner tucked in till the sky opened and the sound of rain on the camper roof lulled me quickly into a deep sleep.

\n

When I woke up…this is what I saw and I smiled from ear to ear. This window. I love all the light in this camper and this window takes the cake. I can prop myself up in the corner with my lap desk and iPad and be a totally happy camper! 

\n

I remember all the times in Little TOW-Wanda when I sat like this, propped up with a mug of good coffee and a stack of magazines…staring out a window like this and letting God’s nature heal my broken heart. Oh, how I’ve missed this. To turn over and see the sky. To gaze at stars as I drift off to sleep. I’m itching to get off on adventures but there’s stuff to be done first.

\n

Today we are heading to my friend’s house to pick up the camper she’s giving me. I have no idea what shape it’s in so we’ll see. Then there’s taxes. The bathroom is coming along…Mr. FixIt has plumbing to do before we can move the rest of the shower stall in. I need to clean out TOW-Wanda Grande and get her on the market. I need to clean out the truck because we leave the 19th to head to the beach. The first mowing at the Ponderosa occurred this weekend. That means the yard at the farm is going to need mowed this week, for sure. 

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And off we go. This is the time of year when we hit the ground running. That lazy nap yesterday, stretched out in my little new-to-me camper looking through my big picture window at the rain on the flowering bushes, will just have to hold me over for a while.

\n

❤️

\n
“Dear friend, guard Clear Thinking and Common Sense with your life; don’t for a minute lose sight of them. They’ll keep your soul alive and well, they’ll keep you fit and attractive. You’ll travel safely, you’ll neither tire nor trip. You’ll take afternoon naps without a worry, you’ll enjoy a good night’s sleep. No need to panic over alarms or surprises, or predictions that doomsday’s just around the corner, Because GOD will be right there with you; he’ll keep you safe and sound.”    Proverbs 3:21-26 MSG
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-08T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/08/a-room-with-a-view.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","Gratitude","Comfort","Presence","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/07/towwanda-iii-day-cleanup.html", "title": "TOW-Wanda III: Day 1 - Cleanup", "content_html": "

\"Camper “The first thing that had to go was the bunk bed over the main bed.”

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The first thing I did yesterday…after coffee, of course…was head out to the new camper. I could hardly sleep the night before, I was so excited. I didn’t realize how very much I missed my first camper till I got a load of this one! I hooked it up to electric and checked out the systems again. The air conditioning worked fine. I cleaned the filter screen in the AC unit so it works more efficiently. The fan, lights, and microwave. I haven’t checked the refrigerator yet.

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Mr. FixIt was kind enough to bring a ladder and some RV cleaning products out to the camper for me as well as a hose and scrub brush. I started scrubbing with an RV wash/wax combo and followed up with a Norwex cleaning cloth and Norwex cleaning paste to get the black streaks off. I rinsed it well and checked inside…NO LEAKS! Yesssss! No leaks is a good thing…especially with a 2007 camper. This thing is built exceedingly well. 

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The camper is a Cikira Classic Cruiser 18FB…which roughly translates to an 18 foot camper with a front bed. From what I can find, Cikira RV wasn’t around for very long, but I don’t think that was because they lacked a quality product. If this camper is any indication, the quality is excellent. The RV industry isn’t easy to break into. But more importantly, look at the date of my camper. The economy in 2007 was booming and people were traveling a lot. Then 2008 came and the bottom fell out of the market. No one was spending money on anything extra. I know…that’s when I had to close my needlework shop. Hobbies like camping and needlework are the first to go when it comes to extraneous expenses.

\n

Once I had the outside walls scrubbed down, I opened the awning and gave it a good wash. I left it open to dry in our beautiful 72 degree weather and closed it up before dusk so it wouldn’t gather the dew. Then it was time to head indoors. The first thing that had to go was the bunk bed overtop the main bed. The previous owners had a 10 year old daughter who loved the bunk above, but it was too confining to lay underneath it and I knew I would hit my head every time is sat down. The bunk was secured with sturdy angle iron and the plywood base was screwed securely to it. I removed the twin size memory foam mattress and Mr. FixIt helped me carry it down to the storage room. We can use it for an extra if we have overflow company. 

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The front piece of the bunk bed was a long piece of heavy angle iron attached to a decorative wood front. I removed that piece but left the other three pieces of angle iron connected to the three walls above the windows. This way, if we ever need the bunk bed again, we can pop it back in easily enough. Taking that bunk out opened up the entire bed area and made it much more comfortable, roomy, and light. By this time I was fried so I gave in and snuggled up on my new bed and took a nap. 

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So, our blessings continue. Our great granddaughter is being dedicated to Jesus in church this morning! My heart is so happy!

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❤️

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“And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.”\n

Mark 10:16 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-07T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/07/towwanda-iii-day-cleanup.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/06/what-a-crazy-week.html", "title": "What a CRAZY Week!", "content_html": "

\"Camper\" “The perfect little camper!”

\n

When I started out this week, I never dreamed I’d be the owner of SIX campers by the weekend!!! What??? Yes, that’s right…S-I-X campers! Ok, when Mr. FixIt and I started dating, he had two campers (a hybrid and a 27 foot Jayco) and I had one (a 30’ Starcraft). Then, by fall I bought our fourth camper…a 1967 Franklin I named “Joy”. She is still out at the farm and I need to get her over to the Ponderosa so I can work on her some more. 

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I picked up the little camper yesterday and I’m telling you…she’s a little cream puff. She is immaculate inside with a Sealy memory foam mattress. (Color me happy!) Mr. FixIt went with me to check her out carefully and he agreed I got a good deal on a great little camper. Hooking her up was easy peasy. We stopped at the first gas station and checked the air pressure. This is especially important every single time you tow. Remember the blowout I had coming home from Blackwater Falls a few years ago? It was caused by undetected low tire pressure. I learned a valuable and expensive lesson that day. All four tires were low. This happens when a camper sits for a while. We pumped them all up and headed for home.

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The second test would be to see how well Frieda pulled this camper. I was sure she would do well, but this is an 18’ camper. I’ve seen different weights. An online spec sheet says 3740 and the tag on the trailer says 4200. There are some steep hills on the drive home so I watched carefully. Frieda towed that trailer like a boss and the transmission temp didn’t get up over 197 degrees which is perfect. When we got home, I felt the hubs and they were barely warm to the touch so that is wonderful. 

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I pulled the camper around to the side of the house where the water connector is. The exterior surface is fairly dirty and dull. I wanted to see how it would clean up. I used my Norwex cloth and cleaning paste on a two-foot square section and it looked brand new when I was done. When it started getting dark, I went in the camper and stretched out on the yummy mattress. It’s wonderful! I opened the rock guard from the front window and it is exactly like my first camper…a Sportsmen Classic by K-Z RV. 

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I loved my first camper and I’ve got to tell you…I love this one more. If my first camper would have had a dinette with a separate bed, I never would have gotten rid of it. This one has exactly what I’ve always wanted and I’m thrilled!

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Now, a friend has a 30’ camper that she is giving me and we are going Monday to bring her home….making SIX campers. Mr. FixIt has one for sale now and TOW-Wanda Grande will be on the market as soon as I get her emptied and cleaned up. 

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“Hi, my name is Ginny…and I have a camper addiction.”

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This was absolutely, without a doubt, a prayer answered. This camper is more economical, practical, safer to tow….Thank You, God!

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Oh, an update on the bathroom. We managed to go another day without killing each other. However, we did end up having to cut a big chunk out of the drywall to get the bottom piece of the shower stall inserted. AND…there was yet ANOTHER trip to Lowes. Mr. FixIt’s measuring is impeccable. I am not kidding…that opening isn’t 1/16th of an inch bigger than the shower base. I am in the presence of engineering greatness…seriously!

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❤️

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“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”\n

Proverbs 16:9 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-06T01:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/06/what-a-crazy-week.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Positive Energy","Camping","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/02/sick-tired.html", "title": "Sick \u0026 Tired", "content_html": "

\"Elephant “Can’t we all just get along?”

\n

Those of you who have been reading my blog for some time know that, even in my grief, I’m a pretty upbeat individual. Mr. Virgo used to call me Pollyanna because I always look on the sunny side of life. I objected saying there’s nothing wrong with looking for the light, even in the darkest situations…as long as you don’t stick your head in the sand. I think I keep a weather eye out for the realities of the world while still trying to look on the bright side.

\n

I’ve gotta tell ya…and this is in NO WAY a political post…but, I’m just sick and tired of hearing all the ugliness these days. I keep looking for the God-spark in everyone and dang if it isn’t disheartening sometimes. I read something yesterday that punched me in the gut. Teachers can no longer teach kids the way we were taught. Because, the world we were raised for no longer exists. We didn’t have a TV till I was in school. Countries on the other side of the world were nothing but stories in the encyclopedia. We didn’t have indoor plumbing at my grandma’s house till I was in first grade. We went from that to landing a man on the moon by the time I was in high school. To think the computer onboard an Apollo spacecraft was far, far less sophisticated than a Blackberry…and they are archaic in the grand scheme of things.

\n

Between the Information Age, readily accessible electronics, and Joe Public’s thirst for all things that would have been cringeworthy a decade or two ago, we are bombarded with violence. When I grew up, coverage of the Vietnam War and shoot-em-up Westerns were about as violent and graphic as anything you would likely witness unless you saw a terrible accident. You can’t put smoke back in a bottle. Once you see this stuff, it’s in your brain…and in your heart.

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Mr. FixIt and I had to run to town yesterday to get the shower insert for the new bathroom. As I was gathering my things to leave, he asked me to watch a story from CBS Sunday Morning. It was about Sandy and Lonnie Phillips. Their daughter was one of the victims in the 2012 mass shooting in the movie theater in Aurora, CO. She was with a friend who was an EMS. He was shot twice and he did everything he could to save her, but he couldn’t.

\n

As I watched this story, my heart broke for all of them. I know grief. But I know nothing of the grief that comes with violence. Instead of climbing into the never ending hole of horror, they chose to help other victims of mass shootings. They’ve rented their house out, quit their jobs, sold everything they owned, and travel from place to place pulling a travel trailer….following the shootings. They started in Newtown, then went to Isla Vista, San Bernardino, Orlando, Las Vegas, Sutherland Springs, Parkland, Santa Fe, Pittsburg and Thousand Oaks. The equivalent of a soldier with PTSD running into firefight after firefight after bloody firefight with no end in sight.

\n

It brings them no joy. They still cry every day out of sadness and pain and it’s been seven years since their daughter was murdered. But they do find satisfaction in helping others who are coming up the same path behind them. They are able to hang onto each other and offer comfort to others while being bombarded by conspiracy theorists who verbally threaten and harass them. Their super power is compassion.

\n

My soul is tired. My brain is bruised. My heart is weary. “I can do hard things.” But…in reality, can I? Could I do what the Phillips’ are doing? Could I survive such horrors? I think I couldn’t, but I know God could. I know I had to rely on Him to carry me through Mr. Virgo’s death so I have no reason to believe He won’t carry me through everything that comes to me in this life.

\n

I’m just so tired of all the anger, hatred, ugliness, violence, pain, depravity. I cling to the joy and hope I find in my faith. I pray for this world. I pray for wisdom. I pray for peace. I pray for strength to get through a time that numbs me. I don’t want to be numb. I want to always, always, always look for the light. Find the good. Encourage the downtrodden. Shine a light in the darkness. See, here’s the thing…there are a lot more good people on this earth than the media will lead you to believe.

\n

Look for the light. Look for the helpers. Yes, I get weary…I just can’t quit.

\n

So, I press on. I go outside and put my bare feet on the earth to ground myself. I feel the wind on my face. I close my eyes and turn my face to the sun. I hug people…a lot. It’s the best gift I can give them because I can’t help but get a hug in return. 

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If all of these things bother you, too…turn off the TV. Put down the newspaper. Go outside. Nature heals.

\n

❤️

\n
“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.””    1 Peter 3:9-12 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-02T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/02/sick-tired.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/01/vibrant-women.html", "title": "Vibrant Women", "content_html": "

\"Vibrant “Vibrant Women…a women’s ministry.”

\n

Something phenomenal happened Friday night and it has taken me this long to process it. Actually, I’m sure I’ll be processing it for some time to come. We have a husband-wife team leading our church. It has been wonderful to watch Pastor Heather growing into a strong leader for the women of our region. A little over three years ago, God planted a seed in her to lead a Women’s Ministry. She gathered her friends together, told them her ideas for this movement, and asked them to start feeding her possible names. When she heard “Vibrant Women”, she was moved. Vigorous. Energetic. Lively. Vital. All words that resonated with where she wanted to go with this movement….words that described women of strong faith.

\n

This was the third Vibrant Women event held at our church…the second I have attended. It’s come a long way since the beginning. I think there might have been two-hundred women at the first one. Friday night saw almost SEVEN HUNDRED women packed into our church. There wasn’t a seat in the house. The sound booth said at one point the decibel scale peaked out at the same level as a jet engine. It was crazy fun. The energy level in that room was amazing.

\n

We had a guest pastor…Pastor April Carter of the Together Church in Yakima, Washington. Pastor April spoke about Living Beyond Fear. Oh….she touched every single one of us. At the end of her message, she told a personal story. Someone who works in her church called her…panic stricken. Then he arrived home, his house was surrounded by police, fire, and ambulance crews. They would not let him in the house. The only thing he knew was, something happened that involved his son. Pastor April and Pastor Micahn headed to the hospital to meet them.

\n

As they sat there, waiting for word of what was going on, she absentmindedly fingered a necklace she was wearing that a friend gave her. It is engraved…”I Can Do Hard Things”. The time dragged slowly by. They prayed together. They held each other up. And, finally…the doctor came out. Their friends’ son had gotten his hands on a gun and somehow accidentally shot himself. And they could not save him. Pastor April closed her eyes and repeated to herself…

\n

“I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I can do hard things.”

\n

Since Mr. Virgo died, I haven’t been so good in medical emergencies. There have been times I haven’t been able to show up for people who need me to do hard things. Pastor April challenged us to put on our boxing gloves and get in the ring of life and fight. Listening to her, I felt empowered. I felt stronger. I felt like trying harder and being the best version of myself I can be. I mean, isn’t that what faith does for us? 

\n

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Even the hard things.

\n

We were doubly blessed in that Pastor April delivered our message at church yesterday too so we got to hear her twice this weekend. I googled her name on YouTube last night and there was a message called “Hard Reset”. You should give it a listen if you are interested. She is very good. 

\n

❤️

\n
“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”\n

Philippians 4:13 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-01T01:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/01/vibrant-women.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/26/widowed-or-single.html", "title": "Widowed or Single?", "content_html": "

\"Widow\" “Has the mental image of ‘widow’ changed all that much?

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One of my friends shared a post with me yesterday. Ironically, it turns out I know the woman who wrote it. And, I know her well enough to understand what she meant by what she said about being called a widow. The writer, Jan, said she didn’t like the term “widow” because it conjures up this preconceived notion of “old” and “feeble”. As she says, we live in an era where ageism runs rampant. Our gray hair and social mores puts the widow in an unenviable position on more levels than grief alone.

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Jan says she hates going into doctor’s offices and filling out the forms, having to select widowed or single. She has taken to saying she is “single-by-death” because, she DOES feel single. I’m all for changing the vernacular and the image of widows. Of course, the early throes of acute grief is a time where most of us feel old beyond our years, lost, destined to a life of lonely sadness. After that period of crisis, we do begin…in our own time…to heal and move forward. I don’t know any widow who wants to be looked down on and pitied. In this day and age, widows aren’t a bunch of doddering old ladies wearing black and sitting in the corner crying all the time.

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I hated the term widow, too. I thoroughly resented it at first because I was very, very busy trying to pretend he didn’t die. Calling me a widow just turned a spotlight on my spectacular ruse and left me with nothing but shadow puppets of my former life. I sometimes rebelliously referred to myself as “single-by-chance” simply because I hated the word death as much as I hated the word widow. “Single-by-chance” could cover a lot of situations…death, divorce, break-ups. I liked it. But eventually, I just went with widow and tried to show what one looks like by pulling a huge camper across the country alone and dancing on the bar at Coyote Ugly and going into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado for three months…alone.

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In researching photos for this post, I Googled “widow”. There was a plethora of images of spiders and Scarlet Johansson in a black latex catsuit with the occasional Civil War era tintype of a haunted woman in black thrown in for good measure. This got me to thinking…if Google is any indication, maybe the world isn’t as obsessed with the word “widow” as widows themselves are. Widowhood and grief are lonely pursuits. We are singular. We are rather myopic. We have lost half of our whole. At least, we have for a while. Eventually, half reduces itself…bit by tiny little bit.

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I was widowed…singled-by-chance…surely not by choice. Now that Mr. FixIt and I have married, when I relate my story in my work as a speaker and a writer, I say I was widowed. I suppose in the absolute vernacular, I am a widow. But that is a far smaller piece of who I am today than it used to be. I think that’s the way it should be…for me. 

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That’s the beauty of language and social norms. We can change things. We can change the words and the images of who we are in the world today. Who we are and how we want to be seen. What works for one may not work for another. Be who…or what…you are. Empirical evidence says…I am a Child of God…first and foremost. The rest is superfluous.

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❤️

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““Cursed is anyone who withholds justice from the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow.” Then all the people shall say, “Amen!””    \n

Deuteronomy 27:19 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-03-26T01:30:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/26/widowed-or-single.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/24/sunday-memories.html", "title": "Sunday Memories", "content_html": "

\"Hanky\" “Grandma always carried a fresh hanky wherever she went.”

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I was looking through my picture albums on my iPad yesterday. I sometimes browse to find old memories that stir up a story for you. This one did just that. I’ve been writing about The Farm since early on in this blog. Grandma’s farm holds a king-sized piece of real estate in my heart so my stories often center around my memories there. And, since I am knee deep in editing my rough draft for the book, I have been writing and re-reading these stories.

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For as far back as I can remember, my grandma tied a shiny dime in the corner of a clean hanky and gave one to each of us kids to take to church. The hanky for our little noses…the shiny dime for the collection plate. Then Pop-Pop gave us each a stick of Beeman’s gum. Actually, we only got half a stick till we got older. I can remember when I ‘graduated’ to a full stick…I felt so grown up.

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\"Bethel “Bethel Chapel…the little church on the hill. I drew this picture June 28, 2001…sitting on the sidewalk out front.”

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The little church-house up on the hill has been there since June 9, 1914. It hasn’t had a lot done to it in all those years. Two rooms were built on the back for classrooms and an indoor bathroom…something we didn’t have the pleasure of when I was growing up. The windows have been replaced. The belfry was listing to one side so it’s been shored up. It has been painted countless times over the years. When my cousin Rick and his wife Charlotte got married, my Aunt Peeps painted that church all by herself so it would be fresh for the wedding. That woman loved to paint!

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I have some really wonderful memories of that little church. And I’ve had some of my most traumatic there. This was the church where the little circuit preacher literally scared the pee out of me and I headed off to find God some other way. That led me to eventually becoming Jewish for twenty-seven years, and now…here I am…full circle and back to my roots. This was also the church where my parents were married, where my Pop-Pop was one of the lay-ministers, and where his funeral was held. Many Sundays I sat in the hard wooden pews as a little girl with my feet dangling mid-air, clutching my little hanky and worrying out the knot to get my dime ready for the collection. Many Sundays, Aunt Idy played the rickety old piano…it’s keys sticking and horribly out of tune. 

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Aunt Idy lived in a crooked white house. She was a tiny, frail little thing…never married. She helped care for her invalid sister and brother and she was my grandma’s best friend. Once a week, Aunty Idy called to get the latest “news” for the Ritchie County Gazette. She wrote the column about the latest goings on up Dutchman road and Grandma always cringed when she saw something about herself in the paper. She abided by the rule “Fool’s names, like their faces, always seen in public places.” It was usually something like “so-and-so had a visit this week from such-and-such from somewhere” or “Mr. & Mrs. Somebody went to Parkersburg this week to see the doctor. All were given a clean bill of heath!” Thank God Grandma never told her about hemorrhoids!

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Grandma’s hankies. I have a couple of them somewhere in my things…the things I couldn’t part with. I don’t know that my kids will be interested…or even my grandkids. So, maybe when it’s my time to go, I’ll tie a shiny dime in the corner and go looking for Grandma. 

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❤️

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“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: “They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.””    2 Corinthians 9:6-9 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-24T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/24/sunday-memories.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","West Virginia","The Farm","Comfort","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/23/the-bodega.html", "title": "The Bodega", "content_html": "

\"The “Coffee at The Bodega”

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I decided to treat myself yesterday and stopped in the brand new coffee house that just opened. The Bodega. In Spanish, bodega actually means grocery store. But a broader meaning is a meeting place where you get supplies. I knew when I walked into this sweet storefront…this wasn’t your average run-of-the-mill coffee house. There was something special going on here.

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The atmosphere is soft, inviting, with a great big overstuffed sofa with a soft blanket and pillows. Next to it was a huge, supple leather chair. Small tables, fresh flowers, and a sort of fresh vintage farmhouse vibe made the place very comfortable. I ordered one of the homemade cinnamon rolls and a latte. Both were delicious. The staff were warm and inviting and are willing to accommodate the Coffee Divas when we gather for our monthly caffeine infusions.

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As I sipped my latte, I caught the music overhead…worship music. I have been immersing myself in praise music lately. I find my spirit uplifted and my writing goes much more smoothly when I get into the Word and Praise more. Then, when I am actually writing, I listen to the Nature Sounds station on Pandora. If I listen to praise music while I write, all I want to do is sing!

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The owner of the coffee shop was a missionary in Honduras for some time. While there, they had a gathering place where they received their marching orders for the day. They called it The Bodega because a lot of good things came into and went out of their doors. When she came back to the states, she took some time to heal and ponder how she could create such a place here. There are so many within the surrounding area who need loved on and  lifted up. 

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After countless “what ifs” she decided to just go for it and jumped in with both feet and thus, The Bodega was born. The owner is looking forward to seeing what kind of great things God has in mind for this little oasis. And so am I. 

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❤️

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“He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.”    Mark 16:15 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-03-23T01:30:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/23/the-bodega.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Peaceful Moments","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/16/fancy-meeting-jew-here.html", "title": "Fancy Meeting Jew Here", "content_html": "

\"Tzitzit\" “You don’t see tzitzit around these parts very often.”

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The other evening, I was home by myself and had a hankering for pizza. I’ll bet I have had one slice of pizza in the last six years and Giovanni’s was calling my name. Mr. FixIt doesn’t like this place so, since he wasn’t at home, I decided to go by myself. Ohhhhhh, I wasn’t sorry. Although the crust was just the slightest bit too soft on the bottom center, it was overall divine!

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I threw caution to the wind and had them paint the crust with garlic butter. What the heck…I’d already blown any semblance of health food out of the water with this endeavor, might as well take it all the way! A wonderful sauce, a little skimpy on the pepperoni, generous on the mushrooms and the cheese was that perfect cross between crispy brown and ooooey-gooooey perfection. Ah, yes…I thoroughly enjoyed that.

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I took my iPad with me so I could write in the restaurant and make an evening of it. As I was setting up, a man and his little girl walked in the door. I saw twenty people walk in the door that evening. None of them made an impression like this guy. The first thing I noticed was his tzitzit…the specially knotted tassels on his tallit katan…an undergarment traditionally worn under an observant Jew’s clothing. The second thing I noticed was his kippah, also known as a yarmulke…the skullcap Jewish men wear.

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I looked at him and smiled in amusement. This is not something you normally see in small town West Virginia…very, VERY small town. Having lived as a Jew for twenty-seven years, I am quite familiar with the trappings of Judaism and I just had to know more about this guy. He went to the counter and picked up his pizzas and filled his drink cups. I finally caught his eye.

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“You don’t see tzitzit around these parts very often.” I smiled.

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“You don’t see very many people around here who know what they are.” He smiled back and shook my hand. “Mike.” 

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I took his hand in mine. “Ginny. It’s very nice to meet you.”

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Turns out, Mike is originally from West Virginia but he lived in Israel for a long time. He met his Israeli wife there. Their oldest child was born in Israel. The baby was born here. We had a really interesting conversation about the reception he gets in small town America. He said in this little town, it’s fine…but in my hometown of Parkersburg, he has had some negative experiences. Hate is such an ugly thing. I truly believe the hate he (and I, myself) experienced is one of ignorance. It’s a family disease when you live your whole life without meeting anyone much different than yourself.

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There isn’t much of a Jewish Congregation in Parkersburg…and none to my knowledge in the surrounding countryside. There used to be a small synagogue in town, but I don’t believe it’s there anymore. To make matters worse, Mike is a Messianic Jew…meaning he is Jewish, but he has accepted Jesus. In all actuality, I could be considered a Messianic Jew because I still feel a special kinship to the Jewish people. Many of my family members are Jewish. 

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Jews don’t necessarily take kindly to Messianic Jews. They do not believe Jesus is the Messiah. So they don’t consider a Messianic Jew to be…well, Jewish. And Christians don’t quite get it either. Here you have someone who says he has accepted Jesus, but is wearing the traditional garb of the Jewish people. They get kind of stuck in the middle.

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I have a personal understanding of this position. When I came to West Virginia for Thanksgiving one year, I had a family member tell me to put my Star of David inside my sweater so I wouldn’t upset our Grandma. Let me tell you…I had a little quiet discussion with her and told her my Grandma loved me for who I was, and didn’t love me any less for my beliefs. I threatened to make the discussion a little louder right there in the dining room in front of the whole family and she backed off. I’ll stand up for the underdog any day of the week and I have to tell you…discrimination stings. I had never, ever experienced that before and it was terrible.

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I handed Mike my business card and asked him to have his wife contact me. I’d love to befriend them and normalize the Judeo-Christian experience for them here. I know there are those who are highly suspicious of Messianic Jews because of the “Jews for Jesus” movement, but I don’t categorize people…I just love them. I thought to myself, maybe others will come to be accepting of them as well. I waved to them as they headed out the door and I sat back and smiled. Nope, you just never know what you might find in small town America. I think I may have found a gem. 

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❤️

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“Remember your leaders, those who spoke God’s message to you. Reflect on the results of their way of life, and imitate their trust — Yeshua the Messiah is the same yesterday, today and forever.”    Messianic Jews (Heb) 13:7-8 CJB
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-16T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/16/fancy-meeting-jew-here.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","West Virginia","Growth","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/11/tap-tap-tap.html", "title": "Tap Tap Tap", "content_html": "

\"\" “Typing away…tap, tap, tap!”

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I am back to work on the book. I’m editing the first rough draft and it’s going really well, actually. My prayer going into this was to have a cheerful heart and find joy in the process. It’s amazing what a change in attitude can do in making a normally arduous task into something of a pleasure. Fresh eyes and a little distance gives you a new perspective and it’s easier to identify where the story needs polishing.

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I took yesterday off. Grandma always instructed us to keep the Sabbath. She told me if I ever sewed anything on Sunday, I’d spend all of eternity picking it out with my teeth. I can approach editing with more joy than before, but that doesn’t mean I want to spend all eternity doing it! We went to church with the family and then brunch. 

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I bought the piece to fix the toilet at the farm. I need to fill the propane tanks for TOW-Wanda. Then I can hole up in the camper and write. Oh…and I finally took down the Christmas tree. I figured it was time with the spring forward thing!

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We had such a lovely warm day yesterday. We got out of the truck after church and the peepers were singing! That is definitely the harbinger of spring. We made it through another winter! 

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Oh, I wanted to tell you about something that happened last week. Actually, it started about a month ago. I had a small mole on my temple that suddenly started to grow. I didn’t think much of it, but when it became tender and was really getting quite noticeable, I figured it was about time to call the dermatologist to go in and have it taken off. 

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Then I heard a sermon on healings. The premise was to not only pray for the healing….but to believe in the healing and thank God for it as if it had already occurred. Last week, I placed my finger on the growth and thanked God for taking it away for me. I just believed it was gone. I really wish I would have taken a picture of the growth for proof because…in two days’ time, it quite literally dried up and fell off! I run my fingers over the smooth skin where this growth was and I am just so amazed. Power of suggestion? Placebo effect? Nah…I’m going with divine intervention! Isn’t that amazing? ❤️

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“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”    Jeremiah 17:14 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-11T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/11/tap-tap-tap.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Humbled","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/08/a-new-perspective.html", "title": "A New Perspective", "content_html": "

\"Serenity “It never occurred to me to apply the Serenity Prayer to grief, but it makes perfect sense.”

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I used to be a social drinker. For a long time, I told myself that anyway. And, I suppose it was true if you considered every day having at least one, maybe two glasses of wine with dinner…”social” drinking. I mean…I WAS with people, right? I never really saw it as a problem. When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I didn’t drink at all and it never bothered me. After she was born, I had a small glass of wine in the evenings. The doctor said it was good for me and it relaxed the baby. Whatever the doctor says, right? 

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Once the baby was weaned, I was back to my two glasses every day. It didn’t really become a problem till the last year I was with Hubby #2. My marriage was on the rocks. I couldn’t fix it and I couldn’t face losing it. So, we put doilies on the elephant in the room and I mixed a pitcher of Martinis…for myself…before dinner. If it wasn’t Martinis, it was Tequila…or really good Scotch…or stiff Bloody Mary’s…or a bottle of excellent Cabernet. I was self medicating…and that was a problem.

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It interfered with my relationships…with my husband, with my kids, with my friends. I knew my marriage was circling the drain and I was going down with the ship. It wasn’t till after the overdose that I saw the light. I woke up in the ICU and knew I’d hit rock bottom and something had to change. I’ve never touched a drop since January 5th, 2000. And I can honestly say, I’ve never had the slightest craving, not the tiniest bit of desire to drink alcohol or take prescription pain meds. Nothing. 

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For a period of time, I went to AA meetings…nine months, maybe. I know there are people who work that program and it saves lives. I know that for a fact. I also know, God can lift that burden off of you in a heartbeat because I am living proof of that. For the longest time, I only related the Serenity Prayer to AA. It is recited at the meetings, so I took a narrow view of its usefulness.

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What if…what if we use the Serenity Prayer on grief? 

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“God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;”

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To this, we can say….”God, I cannot change the fact that he died. Help me to accept that.”

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“Courage to change the things I can;”

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To this, we can say…”God, help me walk in a way that honors him. Give me the courage to face this new life alone. Make me strong in my faith so that I can change the things in my life that no long serve me.”

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“And the Wisdom to know the difference.”

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To this, we can say…”God, make me wise in my decision making. Give me discernment in my dealings with people. Bring me the wisdom of knowing when to hang on to things and when to let go.”

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It honestly never occurred to me to use the Serenity Prayer on anything out of the context of alcohol…maybe drugs. But not Grief, or pain, or depression, or anxiety. This opens doors to another avenue of prayer and…I can never have too much prayer in my life. ❤️

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““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””   -   John 16:33 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-03-08T02:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/08/a-new-perspective.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/07/feed-me.html", "title": "Feed Me!", "content_html": "

\"Cardinal\" “A redbird just makes my day!”

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I fixed my coffee and sat down at Grandma’s window to read my morning devotions before I commenced editing the rough draft yesterday. A red flash caught my eye and I looked out to see a cardinal at the feeder. It didn’t take long for me to realize both feeders were empty. I set my coffee aside and dragged the big seed bin from the corner of the dining room out to the front door. I used to leave this bin out on the front porch till one day I noticed the lid was getting chewed up. I used a bungee cord to tie the lid down to keep the critters out but the raccoons were about to get in out of sheer persistence.

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I quickly filled the feeders and was happy to get back inside out of the 17 degree chill. It was snowing to beat the band five minutes earlier, but now the sun was out. It left little warmth, unfortunately, but my…it did look pretty on that new snow. I dragged the seed bin back into the dining room and tucked it behind my chair and sat back down. In moments, Mr. and Mrs. Cardinal swooped back in, their feathers puffed up to trap air and keep them warm. They looked pretty fat and sassy, but I knew they appreciated breakfast.

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I heated up my coffee.

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I found myself wishing I had done more for Grandma when she lived here all those years after Pop-Pop died. Oh, I bought her a new stove once and a refrigerator. I talked to her on the phone one day and she was remarking how hot it was and her fan stopped working. I went online and ordered a fan and she received it the next day. She thought I was some kind of miracle worker. I never could get her to understand internet shopping.

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In her later years, when she spent so much time sitting in her chair in front of this very window, her Bible lay open on her lap as she studied her Sunday School Lesson. She would have loved to have had these bird feeders out on her porch then. The birds would have been so close she could almost reach out and touch them. This made me chuckle at another memory.

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When grandma took pictures of the family when we gathered for visits, she stood way back so everyone fit in the frame. None of this “scooch together, guys”. Nope…she would have moved back as far as she needed to to get everyone in the picture. This is why, unless you were present on that particular occasion, you only have the vaguest idea WHO is actually IN the photo. You can’t make out any facial features. If you blew up the pictures a hundred times, you still couldn’t identify anyone simply because it was too far away to gain any kind of focus.

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But SHE knew who was there. She never forgot a thing. She was sharp clear up to within a year or two before her death. She never forgot a gathering…they were just that important to her. She always wanted us to all get together at her house, at the same time. She reveled in her family. I understand that more now than I ever have. I miss my Colorado family. I enjoy my West Virginia family. Couldn’t the two states be closer?

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I finished my devotion, in front of Grandma’s window and another thought came to me. I wish I would have accepted Jesus while she was still living. She would have loved that. ❤️

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“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!”\n

Psalm 133:1 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-03-07T02:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/07/feed-me.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Wisdom","Peaceful Moments","Writing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/05/still-winter-after-all-these.html", "title": "Still Winter After All These Years", "content_html": "

\"Winter\" “Still winter in your neck of the woods?”

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We live in a house of the ‘70s. The dead giveaway for that is the sliding doors on the closets have mirrors. While I am not excited about the decorating style of such things, I do love that I can open my eyes in the morning and see the bedroom window reflected in the mirror. When I awoke yesterday, big puffy snowflakes the size of marshmallows were floating down. Even though I am WAY over the winter thing, I’ve got to tell you…it was such a serene scene, I just laid there and looked at it for a long time.

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One of the better things about being retired is not having to commute in bad weather. I heard the salt trucks going up and down the road several times and I was grateful to know my “commute” was going to be a hundred foot walk out to TOW-Wanda. I took three days off and gave myself some distance from the rough draft. Now it’s time to work on the editing.

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When I was in church Sunday, Pastor Justin asked us if there were areas of our lives we needed a little extra help with. If so, he invited us forward in an altar call. I was feeling a little fried when I finished writing on the 28th. I found myself dreading the editing because I find it tedious. Also, it makes me read the book over and over and over and I get to thinking no on in their right mind would want to read it. 

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When I went up for the altar call, my prayer was simple…

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“Father God…give me fresh eyes and enthusiasm to edit this rough draft…every single time I read it. Make whatever needs fixing stand out like a sore thumb. Bring the words you want me to say and the readers who need them. It’s all for Your Glory.”

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Pastor Justin came up behind me and put his hand on my head and prayed over me. And, I have to tell you…when I woke up and looked outside yesterday morning, I could hardly wait to get out there and get started! I never once looked at it as a chore. Attitude is everything and I’m grateful to have a change in mine when it comes to this.

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The master bath is coming along slowly but surely. We drove to town yesterday afternoon and bought the new flooring and a toilet. We bought the paint on Saturday. I’m glad Mr. FixIt and I both have projects going. It makes the winter much more bearable. ❤️

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“Then Peter and John laid their hands upon these believers, and they received the Holy Spirit.”\n

Acts of the Apostles 8:17 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-03-05T02:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/05/still-winter-after-all-these.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/04/march-forth.html", "title": "March Forth", "content_html": "

\"March “March forth on March 4th!”

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One of the benefits of being 65 is hindsight. I look back over my life and see a mishmash of events and situations that have led me to the exact spot where I stand today. Any decision along the way could have taken me in an entirely different direction. What if I hadn’t had the two marriages that ended in divorce? I wouldn’t have these beautiful daughters that have blessed my life so tremendously. I wouldn’t have Big and Little to make my heart sing. I wouldn’t have the in-laws and extended families that come with marriages. I wouldn’t have the lessons I learned through it all.

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Each decision brought the next circumstance. While the second divorce was the worst because it was the longest marriage…if we hadn’t parted company, I never would have met Mr. Virgo. He helped me to believe in myself. He taught me so much about life and unconditional love. I tell people he taught me how to live without him by showing me I am much stronger than I ever believed. And then he died. 

\n

I can’t help but look back over the past nearly six years since Mr. Virgo died and marvel at the resilience of the human heart. I was battered, crushed, totally broken when he died. And bit by bit, I picked up the pieces of my broken self and handed them to God to hold. They cut me when I tried to hang on to them. He faithfully, diligently stitched the pieces back together, making sure I resembled who I was before but knowing he couldn’t make a carbon copy.

\n

Faith. Hebrews 11:1 says “…faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” It wasn’t just my heart God stitched back together. He instilled in me…hope. When it was 3:00am and I was clinging to the edge of the mattress hoping to just get through the night, He whispered hope. When I cried till I couldn’t breathe…He whispered hope. He breathed hope into my life every single day so that I could find the strength to march forth into the next day, and the next, and the next. 

\n

It’s been 2,182 days I’ve marched forth. I have friends who are on day 4…day 21…day 93. My heart hurts for them. I want them to understand, I know it hurts. And I know you think you will never survive this or feel joy again. I let God carry the sharp bits for a long time. I handed the pieces over and asked Him to start stitching. I let Him breathe hope into the dark places. That’s how I got through. 

\n

Here I am…happily married again. The size of my family has literally doubled. So has my joy…and my faith. ❤️

\n
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”   Hebrews 11:1 KJV
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-04T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/04/march-forth.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Wisdom","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/28/expect-the-unexpected.html", "title": "Expect the Unexpected", "content_html": "

\"Red “Unexpected things can be really, really good…or really, really bad. Anxiety can stem from the unexpected.”

\n

My last small group gathering of the winter session is tonight. We’ve been studying Louie Giglio’s book…Goliath Must Fall. It is truly an amazing, insightful look into the giants we all face in life and how to get rid of them…once and for all. I hate to see this series end. I would like to do it all over again. At least I bought the book as well as the study guide, so I plan to read it again and again. I even have friends buying it and we can discuss it.

\n

Our next season starts in April. We will be studying “Unexpected” by Christine Caine. The subtitle is “Leave Fear Behind, Move Forward in Faith, Embrace the Adventure”. Oooooooh, I love the sounds of that! I received the book and the study guide yesterday and it’s all I can do to keep from cracking it open already, but I want to keep my head in the game and finish what I started with Louie’s book first.

\n

Seeing the title of the book yesterday did get my mind to thinking. Unexpected. That’s a double edged sword, isn’t it? I mean, we generally LOVE unexpected surprises…if they’re good. A baby is coming to a couple who thought they couldn’t get pregnant. An award is given for a job well done. A refund check comes when we were expecting to have to pay more. These are all the GOOD kinds of unexpected things we don’t mind hearing about. 

\n

What happens when the unexpected isn’t good? There is a miscarriage…a heart attack…an accident. Once that happens to you, you are hypersensitive. Hyper-vigilant. Over reactive. When my ex-husband found me after the overdose, it took years for him to be able to see me without having a rush of anxiety. Daughter #2 went through a very difficult period in her life when she would call me…frequently crying hysterically. I was going through my own issues dealing with grief. Her anxiety would set off my anxiety to the point when I saw her name on Caller ID, my heart would start pounding and my hands would sweat. 

\n

Anticipatory anxiety can come from having experienced the unexpected in a traumatic way. Mr. Virgo complained of shoulder pain two days before he died of a sudden heart attack. The other day, Mr. FixIt was complaining of his shoulder hurting and my heart started pounding and my hands started sweating. He looked at me and knew what was going through my mind. He knows me well. He immediately came to me, wrapped his arms around me and said, “It’s just my arthritis, honey. I’m fine…really.”

\n

I don’t want to say “I can’t do that again.” Because, we do not know what the future holds and he deserves to have me right there beside him, supporting him, no matter what happens in life. So where do I put that misplaced anxiety? I ask God to take it.

\n

“Lord, I need you to take this away from me. I know this is just a reaction caused by something that happened before. But it feels real and I need to focus on _____ right now, not anxiety.”

\n

Anxiety is a giant that can control our lives. I learned in Louie’s book that Jesus already killed that giant. It’s dead and gone. I’m working on it. I’d love to say I read this book and did the study and watched the videos and now anxiety is a thing of my past. But I’ve been dealing with this since I was in second grade. That’s a whole boatload of years. Whether it is a medical condition or a conditioned response doesn’t matter…it feels real. I will say though, it’s much improved since studying Goliath Must Fall.

\n

Unexpected things will always happen…good AND bad. I just have to remember to pray and hand it all over. ❤️

\n
“But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.”\n

Psalms 56:3 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-28T02:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/28/expect-the-unexpected.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Wisdom","Fear","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/27/writing-and-praying.html", "title": "Writing and Praying", "content_html": "

\"Praying “Prayers, Praises, and Persistence”

\n

I was a little worried when I went out to TOW-Wanda yesterday morning. Were the words going to come? Or was I going to hit another roadblock like I did Monday? I gathered my gear, grabbed my coffee, kissed Mr. FixIt, and headed to “the office”.

\n

Once the furnace was on, I slipped out of my shoes and climbed into my little writing nook. I took a few moments to gather my thoughts and figure out a plan of action. Holding the warm coffee between my hands, I closed my eyes and prayed. 

\n

“Lord, thank you for all these words you’ve been sending me. Thank you for this comfortable place to write in and call my own. Thank you for trusting me to be your hands. Lord, I’m not sure what happened yesterday. My friend Gail says you were just giving me a day of rest. Whatever it was, Lord…please make me a vessel. Use me in whatever way you can. I promise I’ll do what you say. Amen”

\n

I sipped my coffee and was about to open the document app and resume writing the book when I felt the nudge. 

\n

“Find your verse.”

\n

This is something I do when I want to hear personally from God. When I’m having a specific issue, I ask God to help me find my verse…the one he speaks through. If I have my bible, i just open it to the spot that feels right, close my eyes, and point. That is my verse, and 99.9% of the time, it speaks to me directly regarding whatever issue it is I’m dealing with. I can do the same thing with the app.

\n

When I opened my app yesterday, chose a book, then chose a chapter, the Parable of the Persistent Widow came up. I kid you not. I took one look at it and laughed with glee.

\n

“Awwww, Jesus…you are SO good. Would you look at that? How do you expect people to believe this?”

\n

It’s true. The parable was told to the Disciples to remind them to pray and to never give up. You can’t make this stuff up…he answered me right there. So, I prayed again.

\n

“Ok, Lord…here I am praying and I’m never going to give up. I just feel like I’m supposed to be going somewhere with this book but I’ve lost my direction. I’m giving it back to you. Guide me where you want this to go.”

\n

Just then a dear friend texted me and asked me to give her a call. She said, “I just want to tell you how proud I am of you. You’ve been talking with God. AND…you’ve also been listening to the Holy Spirit as he guides you through your book. You’re doing a great job. Keep it up!”

\n

Sometimes I wonder if other people can hear my chin hit the floor as much as I can. Not only did he send me a scripture saying “Keep praying! Never give up!” He nudged a friend to reach out and say, “You’re doing a great job. Thanks for listening to the Holy Spirit!” Hokey smokes!

\n

I scrolled back and found the exact spot where I went off the rails. I highlighted the words from that point to the end, cut, and pasted them into a new document I entitled “Extras” and saved it. I’m not going to throw those 12,000 words. They may come in handy in another book. I’m back to 52,422 words with a goal of 60,000 to 80,000. I also have a Mission Statement for my book so I know more specifically what to ask for.

\n

I don’t want to overwhelm you with God stories each and every day. There are days when other topics seep in, but even then, the underlying story is how God works into it. I also know the timbre of my writing has changed. But, when something so profound gets set down on a platter in front of me, how can I NOT share that? I still shake my head when things like this happen, even though I absolutely KNOW where it comes from. So, here’s my Worship Wednesday post! ❤️

\n
“One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up. “There was a judge in a certain city,” he said, “who neither feared God nor cared about people. A widow of that city came to him repeatedly, saying, ‘Give me justice in this dispute with my enemy.’ The judge ignored her for a while, but finally he said to himself, ‘I don’t fear God or care about people, but this woman is driving me crazy. I’m going to see that she gets justice, because she is wearing me out with her constant requests!’” Then the Lord said, “Learn a lesson from this unjust judge. Even he rendered a just decision in the end. So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?””\n

Luke 18:1-8 NLT

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-27T02:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/27/writing-and-praying.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Writing","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/26/go-with-the-flow.html", "title": "Go With the Flow", "content_html": "

\"Go “When the words don’t come, you have to go with the flow.”

\n

I took Saturday and Sunday off from writing, other than my usual daily blog post. I didn’t get home from town till around 3:00 Saturday afternoon and I decided to give the rest of the day to my sweetheart. Sunday was church with the family and we weren’t back home till late and with the power outage, I needed to focus on keeping the generator running while Mr. FixIt was bowling. 

\n

I got up early yesterday, grabbed my coffee and headed out to my “office”…aka TOW-Wanda. I sat down and looked at my screen. I wrote about 1200 words, but I wasn’t feeling them. What was wrong? I sat and stared out the window. Two buzzards circled above the yard. Perhaps searching for carrion along the roadside. The sun was bright and totally belied the freezing temperature. The furnace blasted out warm air as I snuggled under my favorite camper blanket.

\n

What was wrong with me? I’ve been writing prolifically for the past three weeks. Suddenly, I hit a road block. I picked up my phone and looked at the calendar. That can sometimes bring up a memory that’s lurking around the edges of my mind. Ahhhh…Monday. I had to be at the funeral home at 1:00. They were laying my coffee mate’s husband to rest. I hate funerals. I’ve been writing about Mr. Virgo’s funeral. I’ve been at the funeral home twice in a week. I pushed my iPad away and leaned back on my stack of pillows and took my mind through the process I have to go through since Mr. Virgo died.

\n

This isn’t your pain.

\n

Your husband didn’t die this week.

\n

You aren’t laying him in the ground.

\n

You don’t have to say goodbye again and again and again.

\n

Your role here is to support your friend.

\n

I sighed and tucked my writing tools in my big blue bag. There would be no writing this day. That’s ok. It’s important to be flexible…change course when the moment insists…to go with the flow. You can’t force something like writing or your reader will know in a heartbeat. Just because it didn’t flow in that moment, doesn’t mean the supply is gone. It just means someone else needed my heart for a while. ❤️

\n
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died. We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the believers who have died will rise from their graves. Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. So encourage each other with these words.”\n

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-26T02:30:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/26/go-with-the-flow.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/23/i-have-a-voice.html", "title": "“I Have a Voice”", "content_html": "

\"Woodcarving\" “I Have a Voice” woodcarving by Evelyn Jimenez

\n

I have met some of the nicest people through my blog. One is a widow named Evelyn. She became very ill after losing her husband and very nearly died herself. Evelyn is a woodcarver, which I find endlessly fascinating. I’ve tried my hand at carving but I haven’t had the right tools for the job. I really would love to try again sometime…in my SPARE time. sigh 

\n

A few weeks ago, I saw a little faceless woman she carved and titled, “I Have a Voice”. This little round woman struck my heart. I went for a very long time in my life without a voice. I felt like the faceless woman, being told I wasn’t good enough or I was stupid or I was too fat. When you hear these things over and over and over from someone who is supposed to love you, you soon come to believe them as true.

\n

I wanted my own little faceless woman to remind me that I am no longer without a voice. I wanted to remember that time when I was without a face so that I might recognize other faceless women. Instead of making me sad when I see her dejected little hands stuffed in her pockets, I smile because she might just be hiding cupcakes in there. 

\n

And…I know. I know she has a voice in there. I know because I had a voice inside…even when it was stifled. We can always say “I wish I would have known then what I know now.” For me it’s more like “I wish I would have known then WHO I know now.” I think if I’d known then how much God loved me, I would have loved myself more. And, if I’d loved myself more, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be treated so poorly…even as a young child. Hindsight is 20/20. The best thing I can do now is mentor young women and make sure they know they are precious and loved and deserving. ❤️

\n
“The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy. The glory of Lebanon will be given to it, the splendor of Carmel and Sharon; they will see the glory of the Lord, the splendor of our God.”\n

Isaiah 35:1-2 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/23/i-have-a-voice.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/19/when-grief-calls.html", "title": "When Grief Calls", "content_html": "

\"Grief\" “When grief calls, I’ve learned to listen.”

\n

This past Sunday, our pastor spoke about “doing” the Word as well as ‘hearing’ the Word. He talked about how we become overweight Christians by coming to church and filling up on the Word without working it out. God gave the Word to us to not only fill us up, but to go out and DO it.

\n

This got me to thinking about what I “do” with what I’m given. My answer is…this. I write to you. I sit down with you for a little chat. You are so kind as to invite me into your space to share coffee or to rock on the porch or to hold your hand for a little while. Sometimes, you let me talk about Jesus and how he has changed my life. Sometimes, you laugh at my antics when I lock myself out of TOW-Wanda or I misunderstand something Mr. FixIt says. 

\n

But, most of all, you let me hold your heart a little while. You let me share how broken mine was. You let me share hope…for healing, for a brighter tomorrow, for a time when you won’t cry quite as much. You let me share love…for a man who left too early, for a man who came so unexpectedly, for a Man who was both God AND Man. You let me share courage…to face the future without your person, to face uncertainty about finances, to just weather the storm.

\n

When I went to the late service Sunday night, they had the Prayer Team at the front for an alter call. I watched as we continued to sing and worship, and my eyes rested on the leader of our small group. I wondered…who prays for the pray-ers? I went up to her after the service and said, “The Holy Spirit put it on my heart to pray for you tonight.” We went to the side wall and I held her hand and I thanked God for bringing this mighty Prayer Warrior into my life. I asked him to bless her and anoint her words when she helps to lead others in prayer.

\n

The point of all this is…this. THIS. This blog is a big part of my “purpose”. We all have a purpose. Something we were put on this earth to do. Mine was to help widows and others who have lost their special ones. I did this yesterday by writing another 5,656 words for a total of 36,216 towards the completion of my book. All in the last eleven days…with three days off. I’ve never experienced this sheer volume of writing before. At this rate, I’ll be done in less than three weeks. Then, what on earth will I do with my time? Oh….camp, build things, help people heal, start on Book #2! You never know what I’ll be up to next! ❤️

\n
“I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.”\n

Psalms 57:2 ESV

\n

 

\n

“so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

\n

‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:5-8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-19T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/19/when-grief-calls.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/17/another-peaceful-day.html", "title": "Another Peaceful Day", "content_html": "

\"Deer “Deer grazing outside my window in TOW-Wanda.”

\n

I have now spent eight out of the last ten days in TOW-Wanda and I have to tell you…I feel like a million bucks! Usually by this time of year, I’m ready to pull my hair out with boredom. I usually become less content with each passing day, even though the daylight is becoming longer…the long, dark nights shorter. The only two things I have done differently this year is leave the tree up and spend long hours in my camper.

\n

There is a reason girl campers like their little houses on wheels. They offer us a safe sanctuary in which to create. Some of us haul our sewing machines out to the camper in the fall and sit out there happily sewing quilts, clothes for the grandkids, linens for the home, gifts for family and friends. Some knit and crochet, weaving prayers and stories into their creations. Some cross-stitch or needlepoint, creating marvelous pictures from colorful threads.

\n

Some gather friends to join us for tea or drinks, showing off our fancy little playhouses. Some have sleepovers with the grandchildren, bringing up the next generation to adore our little campers in the same way we have. There are as many different varieties of girl campers as there are travel trailers and we celebrate each and every one of them every time we tow.

\n

Me? Well, as you well know…and I’ve told you repeatedly this week…I write in TOW-Wanda every chance I get. I turn on Pandora, find the Nature Sounds channel, and listen to raucous rainstorms, salient sea breezes, flighty feathered friends chirping in the forests. I’m instantly transported from the chill of wintery West Virginia into another place, another time. My little twinkle lights glow above me…the view out the windows revealing a stoic blue heron near the creek or a browsing herd of deer making their way across the lawn. Yesterday, I watched the moonrise over the hills to the east of the Ponderosa and I counted my blessings in that very moment.

\n

I’ve written 30,560 words on my book as of last evening. Words that take me to corners of my mind I sometimes wish were never there. And to places and times that I cherish dearly. These words stir something in me…always. But they are just feelings now. They aren’t happening in this moment. That’s how I keep them from poking me now with little barbs…trolls with sharp sticks…fairies with tiny wands…giants with hammers. They aren’t happening now and God is bigger than any poking thing in our lives. 

\n

30,560….encouraging words, painful words, funny words, sad words, terrifying words, loving words. This thing is happening! ❤️

\n
“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”\n

Proverbs 15:4 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-17T02:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/17/another-peaceful-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","goRVing","Grace","God","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Presence","Peaceful Moments","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Writing","Choices","Change","Art"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/16/verbosity.html", "title": "Verbosity", "content_html": "
\n
    \n\"Keyboard\"“I’ve typed over 25,000 in seven days, not including my blog posts. Crazy!”
\n
\nMy mother said I had the “gift of gab”. Daughter #2 swears I can “talk to a tree”. They are both correct. I am, as my longtime sister/friend puts it...wordy. I try to trim my words down, but If I don’t tell you the back story, how are you going to get the significance, right?\n

I fixed my coffee and stepped into TOW-Wanda at around 10:00 yesterday morning. By 4:30, with only one short break, I had over 25,000 words written over the course of seven writing days. I think that’s got to be some sort of record! For me, anyway.

\n

It made me curious…what is the average word count for authors? Turns out, Google knows everything. Ernest Hemingway churned out 500 to 1000 words per day. Stephen King claims he types upwards of 2000 words per day. One thousand words per day is the average for bloggers. Twenty-five thousand words in a week isn’t counting the blog. Holy cats!

\n

A memoir, or autobiography, is in the same category as a novel and should be between 80,000 and 89,000 words. It’s important to keep track of your word counts. Too few words and you aren’t giving your readers enough. Two many, and you’re trying to emulate War & Peace and it’s snoozeville. Anything over 100,000 is more expensive for a publisher to produce so it’s important to try to land somewhere in these guidelines.

\n

So, I’m at 25,000 words. If I can continue at the current rate, I could have the rough draft done in less than a month. That would be awesome. Thanks for hanging in there with me! I’ll be back out there today. My plan is to just take Sundays off. ❤️

\n
“\"Have you understood all these things?\" They said to him, \"Yes.\" And he said to them, \"Therefore every scribe who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven is like a master of a house, who brings out of his treasure what is new and what is old.\"”\n

Matthew 13:51-52 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-16T02:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/16/verbosity.html", "tags": ["Faith","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/15/the-hazards-of-writing.html", "title": "The Hazards of Writing", "content_html": "

\"Writing “When I write a ton, I have a tendency to forget who I told what to. It’s an occupational hazard.”

\n

I’m knee deep in writing this book now. All week, I have gathered my coffee and my writing gear and headed out to “the office”…my wonderful little home on wheels…TOW-Wanda. I turn on the furnace and curl up on the day bed, cover up, and sip coffee till it warms up enough to concentrate. When I shut it down at 3:00 yesterday afternoon, I had 20, 534 words written. It’s amazing!

\n

This is in addition to writing my blog post every day and normal communications with people via text, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and e-mail. Whew! There are a ton of words flowing out of these fingers and I’m literally typing as fast as I can. The downside of all that is…I cant remember who I’ve told what to. Did I type that in a tweet yesterday or text it to my friends Janine and Gayle this morning? Was that story in my blog last week or was I telling someone about that when I saw them yesterday? It’s partially age. It’s partially multiple head injuries and the subdural hematoma I received when my truck was totaled two years ago. It’s partially the brain fog of grief still affecting me. And, it has a lot to do with the sheer volume of words that I write.

\n

I know I’ve told you this week that writing the book this time is totally different, but I’m going to tell you again…because it amazes me. When the words flow like this, it’s magic. Time and space disappear. It’s a cross between watching a movie and writing what I see, and typing out dictation. I know it sounds trite to tell you the words don’t even seem to come from me. I know sheer repetition over the years has honed my writing skills, but still…I’ll read something I write and think, “Wow, that’s pretty good. I wish I could write that well!” It’s both intriguing and disconcerting to feel so disconnected from the process and still have it turn out ok.

\n

I know I told you it’s easier emotionally this time, but I’ll elaborate on that. Yes, it’s easier in that it doesn’t feel like I’m ripping my heart out of my chest to write this time. However, I’m finding my level of discomfort varies with the topic of the day. I wrote something about anxiety the other day, and that night I felt anxiety rise up in me about something. I haven’t felt true anxiety for quite some time so I can only attribute it to the writing because nothing else has changed. Yesterday I wrote about an episode of childhood sexual abuse and I could feel the prickles of adrenaline running up the back of my arms. I was writing about hard stuff and my body was feeling it.

\n

It’s ok to feel these things. If I am so disconnected from the emotions of the experience, my writing would be flat. It’s a thin line between feeling the feels and having my heart ripped out of my chest. I’ve been praying that God will help me say what he wants me to say, and to give me just enough juice to feel it. He is a good and compassionate Father and he is walking me through this every day. I feel his presence when I work. I am grateful for that.

\n

We had bible study last night. We are still working our way through Goliath Must Fall by Louie Giglio and last night we covered the chapter on Comfort. The Giant of Comfort isn’t those times we take a break and go on vacation or when we have really great furniture that cradles our bodies. The kind of comfort Louie is talking about is complacency. When we do just enough to get by. He said we are closer to God when we are are experiencing discomfort. In other words, when we are out of our comfort zones. When we expand and reach and push ourselves to do something we really feel God is telling us to do, but it’s not something we are necessarily excited about doing. But we do it anyway. that’s letting the Giant of Comfort fall. I feel like that’s what I’m doing with my writing. Sometimes I write things that literally make me squirm. They aren’t always comfortable to talk about. I just truly feel like I’m doing what God has called me to do and he tells me to be honest. There’s very little I hold back here, much to the dismay of some of my friends. 

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Anyway, I just wanted to say, if I start repeating myself too much, someone give me a holler, will ya? Cause there’s only so much I can keep in this little brain when I’m writing this much. ❤️

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“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”\n

Philippians 4:6 ESV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-15T02:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/15/the-hazards-of-writing.html", "tags": ["Faith","TOW-Wanda!","Growth","Comfort","God","Wisdom","Courage","Peaceful Moments","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/14/on-lovingunconditionally.html", "title": "On Loving...Unconditionally", "content_html": "

\"A “I am a Christian AND I love everyone… unconditionally.”

\n

The other day, a West Virginia delegate made a series of ugly and disparaging comments about the LGBTQ community. He compared them to terrorists and the Ku Klux Klan. He was interviewed later and given an opportunity to clarify his position, and it was actually SO much worse than what was originally reported. When asked what he would do if his son or daughter came home and told him they were gay, the delegate said if it was his daughter, he would take her for a pedicure. If it was his son, he would take him hunting. And if, upon their return, they still said they were gay…he would take them out and “see if they could swim”. The interviewer was aghast and asked, “Are you saying, you would take them out and try to drown them???” He just looked at her with a sinister grin and didn’t answer.

\n

I was sickened, on so many levels. First and foremost, that he has this kind of hatred in his heart and calls himself a Christian. Second, that he would turn away from his children, or worse…do them physical harm. And, finally…it HAD to be a West Virginian. Why did he have to come from MY state? The answer is, because there are people like him in every state.

\n

Here of late, I have been so uplifted and fortified by my faith, I have been shouting “Hallelujah!” from the rooftops. And that’s how I feel…excited by the ways I see God move in my life. Excited about the opportunities to share my stories of his love and provenance. Then, this week…I received this wedding invitation. And I was reminded, I may be giving people the wrong idea about who I am in my faith.

\n

Some people may equate my bold Christian joy with the kind of person who denigrates those who are unlike them, like that delegate from West Virginia. Nothing could be further from the truth. I do not discriminate against anyone. I’m not perfect, but I certainly try to emulate Jesus at every turn. He loves everyone. He does not see people from the outside. He looks at their hearts. After raising my daughters in the Jewish faith, I was appalled when Daughter #2 came home from school crying because the kids called her a “stupid f****** Jew”. I held her close and tried to explain ignorance and intolerance and bigotry. It broke my heart. 

\n

I respect all faiths, save for those who kill people in the name of their god. I respect all people, save for those who kill or maim or injure children or animals. When I raise my voice in praise for Jesus, I don’t want it to exclude my love for others who don’t believe as I do. I don’t want to walk ahead of and ignore the one who is still looking for God. I don’t want the Muslims and the Jews and the Seiks and the Hindus and even the atheists…anyone of any faith…to think I do not love them equally. I look for, and see, the God in all people. That divine spark that comes from somewhere far beyond the stars. That sign of something far greater than any of us here. 

\n

I also embrace the LGBTQ community as my fellow human beings, who house that same divine spark as me. It is not my place to judge anyone…not even that delegate from West Virginia. Everyone will be judged by their maker in the end. It’s not my job. At the same time, I’m going to tell you about this amazing Jesus who rules my life. And, I’m going to show you, as best I can by the way that I live, how a good and loving and forgiving Father has changed me. The two can, and in my humble opinion SHOULD walk hand in hand.

\n

Because, you see…that wedding invitation we got in the mail this week? That’s from Daughter #2 and her fiancée…a very kind and loving woman who has helped my baby become a better version of herself. They are getting married in Colorado in August. They love each other completely… unconditionally. How can I not do the same with both of them? This is my child. We love who we love. It is not my place to judge. You may do what you wish, but I do pray I will always, always, always land on the side of love. Because that is the way Jesus loves me.

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***If you don’t agree with me, that’s ok…I won’t judge you either. I know this is a hot topic for some, but this is my house, my rules. We speak with respect here. This is a case where we’ll take my grandma’s advise…”If we can’t say anything nice, we won’t say anything at all.” ❤️

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“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.”\n

Romans 14:1-4 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-14T02:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/14/on-lovingunconditionally.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Be Joyful!","Marriage","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/12/peace-be-still.html", "title": "Peace be Still", "content_html": "

\"Foggy, “I love the peaceful mornings at the Ponderosa.”

\n

It warmed up overnight and the snow became soaked with rain. This of course will bring more trees down, but my goodness…isn’t it lovely? This is the field Mr. FixIt and I got married in just four short months ago. I can’t believe that…it feels as though we’ve been together forever. I suppose, knowing each other for fifty years has something to do with that, doesn’t it? Oh, what I wouldn’t give to have fifty more with him…he is such a dear man.

\n

I had a meeting with my insurance agent yesterday so I went to town early. I love sitting in the library of the historic Blennerhassett Hotel to enjoy a cup of coffee. Unfortunately, I totally forgot they are renovating the restaurant across the lobby and it was pretty noisy so it wasn’t my typical relaxing respite.

\n

As the fog settled over the West Virginia hills yesterday, I felt reassured that I am indeed on the right path. There are new opportunities just lining up in front of me and it’s so exciting. I’m going to be doing what I do best…more writing. I am so glad I chose to ignore those who, many years ago, told me my writing wasn’t publishable…no one was going to read it or want to buy it. There was a time when I would have taken great satisfaction in feeling vindicated. But, I don’t have time nor energy for that anymore. My focus is forward, not backward. Those who did not support me no longer hurt me. It is liberating to let the Giant of Rejection fall away.

\n

There is a reason the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror. It’s important to look forward, watch your step, and steer clear of those obstacles meant to block your path. It’s the direction we are going…forward. We need that rear view mirror, too. But only to keep watch on what might be trying to sneak up behind us to hurt us and steal our joy. As long as we don’t put it in reverse and try to drive backwards, we are on the right path.

\n

Keep your eyes on the road, my friends. Good things are coming, I promise. ❤️

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“I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.”\n

Psalms 57:2 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-12T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/12/peace-be-still.html", "tags": ["Faith","West Virginia","Gratitude","Peaceful Moments","Writing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/11/a-marshmallow-day.html", "title": "A Marshmallow Day", "content_html": "

\"Hot “Cold, grey days are Marshmallow Days!”

\n

I got home safe and sound yesterday just in time to leave for church. The tree that had fallen across the road the night before was cut up and moved from the roadway. The same scenario is being repeated over the entire region with the thaw and soaking rains causing the ground to soften. All it takes is a little gust of wind and trees topple easily.

\n

We have thoroughly enjoyed church the last couple of weeks with Mr. FixIt’s daughter and family joining us. I can’t tell you how wonderful it feels to take up seven seats in a row. My heart is overflowing.

\n

Our pastor spoke on criticism yesterday. Good criticism comes from a place of love, and even though it stings, it is meant to lift us up. We all have suffered the other kind of criticism that really isn’t “criticism” at all. It’s self-serving and mean spirited and is critical. There’s nothing about love in that. Pastor Justin’s premise was…don’t let them in. Don’t listen to that.

\n

There is a difference between criticism and someone who is merely expressing an opinion and it might be difficult to discern that at times. The other day, someone I care about and whose opinion I value very much sent me a private message. In it, she said my writing has changed. I have become more “evangelical” than she likes on a daily basis. My very first thought was “sting”. Immediately followed by “that’s ok. I still love you.” 

\n

Since then, lots of things have gone through my mind. Am I coming on too strong and driving people away? Have I crossed the line into “Crazy Christian Lady who can’t talk about anything but Jesus?” I wanted to apologize. Then I decided…I really can’t. I write what comes to me. I write from my heart. And I am always brutally honest about my feelings and what I share. 

\n

Some people lose touch with God when they lose their special person. They can’t understand how a loving God could make someone suffer with cancer. Or they prayed for healing and it didn’t come. Or, any number of other reasons. For me…my faith has deepened tremendously since Mr. Virgo died. And especially since I started dating Mr. FixIt. I have never had a relationship that was so “equally yoked”. I’ve never had a partner who came to church with me every Sunday, who holds my hand with his right hand and praises with his left. I’ve never shared late night conversations about God. That alone is enough for me to want to shout from the rooftops. 

\n

This is a dark time of year. I talk about what is on my heart. I try not to make every day “Preaching Sunday” but there are only so many ways I can tell you I knitted all afternoon and still make it interesting. And I am infinitely fascinated by the way God works in my life.

\n

I am always open to loving criticism. I told my dear friend how much I appreciated her candor. I know my writing has changed. I’VE changed. I’ve grown in many, many ways in the last six years. And I truly hope you’ll hang around with me and keep reading. I’m still going to write what is on my heart, and if it’s Jesus or something he is teaching me, you can rest assured…I’m going to write about it. I’ll write about other stuff too, just to mix it up. But, I’m Jesus’ girl first and foremost…there’s no way I’m going to hide that. ❤️

\n
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”\n‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\n", "date_published": "2019-02-11T02:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/11/a-marshmallow-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/10/saved-again.html", "title": "Saved Again", "content_html": "

\"Grace “Knowing who saves me over and over brings me peace beyond understanding.”

\n

I finished my laundry and packed up the car. I had a last minute conversation with a wonderful woman I met recently. Then I headed home from the farm right about dusk. This photo looks like it was pretty light out, but it was dark, dark, dark when I headed into the home stretch on the two-lane country road. It was so dark, you were right on top of deer before you saw them, even with the brights on. Something ahead of me caught my eye. Not three seconds ahead of me, a big tree fell and crossed both lanes. Fortunately, I was going slow and didn’t need to slam on my brakes. I am well aware I missed this falling on me by the skin of my teeth.

\n

I happened to be on the phone with Mr. FixIt when I saw the tree fall. There was no one else on the road. He reminded me to put on my emergency flashers. I sat there for a few minutes as we discussed my course of action. I could wait there for someone to come along and either pull the tree off the road or cut it up and haul it off. Or, I could turn around and go back where I came from. There were two routes available to me. One took me through a long area with no cell service. The other took me across a road that had a number of mudslides this week. Ultimately it would take me clear into town and then I’d have to take the interstate south and back out another two-lane. A long, long drive in the dark and still there were areas with no cell service. I decided the shortest route would be best and I headed back toward the farm, but…when I got there, I had already dodged umpteen deer and for the first time in a long, long time, I was worried about driving in the dark, alone.

\n

When I got to the farm, I called Mr. FixIt and told him I planned to stay another night and I would be home in plenty of time to go to church. He agreed that was a good plan. That’s when I confessed I was actually worried about driving out here in the dark and I couldn’t understand why. I mean…nothing scares me. Three years ago, I wouldn’t have given this a second thought and would have looked at it as an adventure. But now? Now is different. Now it’s not just me. Now I’m not so foggy, not so careless with my existence. Now there are not only my children and friends who love me. Now there is a man and a bonus family that look to me with love and acceptance. It’s not that my life had no value, but even three years ago, the depth of my grief made it difficult to appreciate the time I had ahead of me…the family I already had that were still here and needed me. I have been awakened in the last two years. Awakened and earnestly appreciative of every precious moment I am given on this side of the grass.

\n

Moments after my call to Mr. FixIt, a friend sent me a message that Rt. 5, the alternate route I was preparing to travel, was now closed with a large downed tree. It would be quite some time before that road was cleared. Heavy equipment was being brought in to move the tree off the phone lines. So, it seems my guardian angel was quite busy last evening keeping me from harm. I thanked God all the way to the farm for always caring for me and for the protection he afforded me last night.

\n

And…over the last three days, I have written six chapters and 10,831 words on my book. I’ve written this book three times, at least. And every time before, it was a struggle. I’d read it and re-read it till I was sick of it and it never really spoke to me. It always seemed to me to come out flat…like I just wasn’t reaching the sweet spot where the story flowed. I’d put it away for months at a time, pick it up, and find the same problems. It wasn’t working. I have finally figured out why.

\n

I was approached nearly three years ago by a literary agent who was interested in my writing. We signed a contract for a book. I remember when we were getting acquainted, I told her my writing was faith-based and she suggested perhaps I should use a Christian publisher. She didn’t have those connections. I thought about it for a few moments and said no, it might be good if the book was out in the general populous because it could reach many who perhaps struggle with faith. We moved forward with the contract. In the following three years, two things became apparent to me. One, my social media presence hasn’t grown as fast as I had hoped and two, my faith has deepened and now I know I want a Christian publisher. I think God waited for me to decide to include him in the book before he made it clear which direction to go. And before he opened the floodgates of words.

\n

I have struggled for over a year with the decision to part ways from my agent. That dark voice kept whispering, “A bird in the hand, you know.” I finally stopped listening to that voice and paid attention to my gut…my inner God-voice…and send her an e-mail last week expressing my desire to change directions and head for a Christian publisher. She totally understood and felt that was the direction I should go and wished me well. So, now I have no agent, but I have the freedom of knowing I did the right thing and the trust that God will get this book out of me and onto paper.

\n

This time, writing is different. The words are literally falling out of me. I’m typing as fast as I can. Nearly 11,000 words in three days is phenomenal! The biggest difference I notice is, this time it’s not slaying me to write it. I feel the healing of the past three years and I know this is the right time. I’m really excited about that! ❤️

\n
“‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’”\n

Jeremiah 33:3 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-10T02:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/10/saved-again.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/09/the-farm-and-me.html", "title": "The Farm and Me", "content_html": "

\"window\" “The Farm is my ultimate happy place!”

\n

If the weather hadn’t turned colder yesterday, I would have spent the night out in TOW-Wanda last night. But, with a low of 17 degrees forecast, I opted for the next best thing and headed to the farm! I made sure Mr. FixIt had everything he needed, filled him with more cold meds, propped him up in his recliner with a cover and a heating pad and made my escape. He still has some potato soup to warm up and I promised I’d be back sometime today. I could sit and watch him suffer and watch TV, or I could write. With his full support, I chose writing.

\n

And write I did! As of the time I am typing this post, I’ve written 7141 words since Thursday morning at 11:00. That’s a lot of words! The goal when you write is just to get the rough draft down. Write it all out…worry about editing later. That is the most difficult part for me. I want it perfect the first time so I don’t have to go back over it again. I don’t know anyone that works for.

\n

I stopped at my cousin’s barn on the way out here yesterday to leave 80 cans of cat food and a 40 pound bag of dry cat food. Yes, I was prepared for the winter and had just purchased all that a few days before the cats were moved to their new home in the big barn. So, they were gifted cat food aplenty! I was thrilled to learn the kitties are hanging out there and haven’t wandered off. I saw Kitty Boy, the young short hair. My cousin said they were both there last night when he fed them. There are six roosters down at the barn and they all get along fine. This makes me happy!

\n

The farm is my time machine. Every time I get to stay here, I am swept back to my childhood. I get to feel all those really great feelings again. This farm and TOW-Wanda are my happy places. Right now, as I write this, I am propped up in Grandma’s bed. I cracked the window open when I first got here so I can hear the water running in the creek. We’ve had a lot of rain this week so the runoff is pretty high. 

\n

I’ve been really surprised we haven’t lost more trees out here. There are mudslides all around these parts this time of year. The ground freezes hard and when it thaws, it’s aerated. Then the heavy rains come and the ground gets so saturated, all it takes is a good windstorm and trees get uprooted. Mud and rocks slip down, sometimes covering the road…sometimes taking the road along with it. 

\n

As Mr. FixIt came home from bowling Thursday night, he called me to say there was a huge tree lying across the road at the top of a hill less that two miles from the house. He managed to turn around and, knowing every backroad within fifty miles of here, made a quick shortcut that would bring him back out on the two lane just past the tree. We were asking on the phone as he drove when he said, “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” I asked what was wrong and he said he drove right into standing water on the road. He wasn’t driving too fast…it was just there before he knew it. It’s easy to see how people can get caught up and swept away in high water when you have little to no warning it’s ahead. Thank goodness, he got right through and was home in no time.

\n

I stopped at the Piggly Wiggly on the way to the farm and picked up a few things. I had a small steak and baked potato for dinner. Yummmm! I’ll spend today writing and doing laundry before I head home. I hope you all are planning a wonderful weekend! ❤️

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“My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.”\n

Psalm 45:1 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-09T02:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/09/the-farm-and-me.html", "tags": ["Faith","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage","Peaceful Moments","Writing","Choices","The Cats","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/08/im-writing-again.html", "title": "I’m Writing Again", "content_html": "

\"iPad “Writing again…this time I mean it.”

\n

About a year ago, I set my book on the back burner at the urging of my agent. She wanted me to focus on increasing my social media presence. And, while taking a break from working on the book was welcome, that time hasn’t made a huge difference in how many people follow my blog or Twitter or Instagram accounts. People come, people go. Maybe you need this for a season. Maybe for a reason. But things just stay the same overall. 

\n

I’m not complaining…not by a long shot. I love sharing my thoughts and stories here on the daily. But I found myself spending entirely too much time knitting and my book still sits. Sigh. It’s not going to write itself. If it were, it would be a best seller by now.

\n

My accountability team contacted me yesterday and gave me the kick in the butt I needed…with an order. Five hundred words by 5:00 Wednesday afternoon! I got up earlier than usual yesterday. I made sure Mr. FixIt had everything he needed. I packed up my bag with my iPad, headphones, iPhone, and reference materials, grabbed a drink and my umbrella, and headed out to TOW-Wanda.

\n

I extended the slide-out which normally holds the dinette. I have the table lowered and a twin mattress on top. I grabbed the pillows off the bed and propped them up at one end. I turned the furnace on to ward off the chill. I jumped in, covered up with the softest minky throw, propped my portable desk on my lap, and dove into my Pages app and started writing. I designed my book cover. I finally took a leap and typed in the title…something that has been eluding me for years. (Shhhh…it’s a secret. I can’t tell you what it is.)

\n

Six hundred ninety words later, I turn off the iPad and looked off into the gloomy afternoon. The rain pounded on the roof, pelting the windows with a sound much like bacon frying. A sudden flash of lightning and a quick clap of thunder told me the storm was getting closer and intensifying. In the early days of trailer camping, a thunderstorm caused me to worry I might get electrocuted. I’m sure you aren’t as protected in a camper as you are in a house, but I’ve long since let go of the fear of storms. I leaned back and smiled. I pulled the soft minky material up under my chin and allowed my mind to drift along till I heard a tapping at my door. Mr. FixIt was leaving to go bowl and wanted to give me a hug. He’s feeling better, thank goodness.

\n

Soon after he was gone, I gathered up my things and headed back inside. The sky was clouding up again and I knew I was going to need to be inside to keep an eye on that leaky drain downstairs that overflows when it rains. It was a good day. A productive day. Six hundred ninety words down. Who knows how many to go. ❤️

\n
“\"Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel: Write in a book all the words that I have spoken to you.”\n

Jeremiah 30:2 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-08T02:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/08/im-writing-again.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Growth","Courage","Presence","Peaceful Moments","Writing","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/06/i-need-that-joy.html", "title": "I Need That Joy...", "content_html": "

\"Joy “I Need That Joy…down in my heart!”

\n

I love, love, love the way God works in my life! It’s like an elaborately woven tapestry with bright colors here and dark colors there…never seeing what’s developing in the picture till you get some perspective. That’s when you start to see how this thread that was pulled over here is causing that thread to move over there. And then you see…you really SEE. And you know beyond a shadow of a doubt…it is GOD!

\n

Case in point. We were standing in the lobby Sunday waiting for the doors to open and head into church. I was talking with my step-daughter about my blog and how my spiritual walk began to blossom within it. I explained how the enemy really started attacking me when I opened up my heart and started praising God in my writing and adding scripture to my posts. I attended my very first Revival and was baptized in the Spirit which took things to a whole new level. Pastor Matt told us one night to take back our homes and our properties and to banish the enemy from the premises. The next morning, I got Grandma’s old bible from the buffet and walked around the perimeter of the yard, hands outstretched, shouting praises without shame. I informed the enemy he had no dominion over me or my house and I showed him the boundary. It’s one of my favorite stories and it was the first time I had shared it with my bonus family.

\n

Soon, we went into the sanctuary and were seated. Pastor Justin gave a wonderful sermon about patience. At one point, he started getting animated and talked about banishing the enemy from our homes and properties. I sat back and smiled and thought, “Here it comes!” He went on to say, “Take your bibles and walk around the perimeter of your property and send the devil packing!” My step-daughter and I whipped around and looked at each other, mouths gaped open, and laughed out loud. I love it when that happens. And when you are attuned, it happens a lot. You just have to pay attention. I was so glad God showed them he was there!

\n

I told you earlier this year new things were coming. I still can’t talk about the specifics yet, but I knew there were a couple of associations I had to sever before I could move forward into the new project. I’ve waffled, I have to admit. Because a “bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”, as my grandma used to say. I prayed about it and told God I put all my trust in him and I know he will open the new doors where he wants me to go. I hit “send” on the last e-mail and immediately, Spirit told me to turn on the Christian radio station I was listening to earlier in the day. I did, and the worship song “Joy” by King & Country came on. Now, I’ve never heard that song, but listen carefully to the lyrics and you will hear God saying, “Yes! Things were critical and you made a choice. Now…feel the JOY!”

\n

Wow…these kinds of things really pump me up! My body was humming like I was plugged into an outlet. And, in all actuality, I was. I was getting recharged by the Holy Spirit. I couldn’t help but feel that “joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart!” More to come down the road as the journey continues. ❤️

\n

youtu.be/lA7n7TwPD…

\n
“Clap your hands, all peoples! Shout to God with loud songs of joy!”\n

Psalms 47:1 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-06T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/06/i-need-that-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/01/the-giant-of-rejection.html", "title": "The Giant of Rejection", "content_html": "

\"Giant “The Giant of Rejection…something I have battled my entire life.”

\n

Last night was our third session in the study series of Goliath Must Fall by Louie Giglio. This has been the most amazing program our Bible study group has done to this point. I’ve been looking forward to this particular session because rejection and it’s cousin, perfectionism, were my constant companions from a very, very young age.

\n

Everyone wants to be accepted. We enjoy the approval of others. If you say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me!” you can just about guarantee that, at least on some level, you very much DO care. This can stem from the smallest slight…something said casually, in jest, that really hit you and stung. Or it can be very real…your father abandoned the family, you were given up for adoption, you lost a job you loved…even the death of someone near and dear to your heart. The sting of rejection can haunt you all the days of your life.

\n

Louie Giglio postulates that you have two schools of thought that separate your thinking on the subject of rejection. 

\n

“So that.” and “Because.”

\n

You try to act or be a certain way so that people will love/accept/approve of you. 

\n

You are who you are because God is who HE is. 

\n

He chose you. He CHOSE you. He knew you before you were knitted in the womb of your mother. He knows the number of hairs on your head. You don’t need the approval of others BECAUSE you already have the approval of God. There is nothing you can do to make Him love you any more or any less. Isn’t that amazing???

\n

I’ve learned this along the way. I’ve learned to pinpoint where and how my particular train went off the rails. And I know with all logic that what Louie is telling us is true. But practicing it, in all ways? That’s a lifelong project when you have been rejected in a very painful way…especially at a very young age like I was. A sadistic teacher, childhood sexual abuse, and an alcoholic father were the perfect storm that set me on a path to find the love I never felt deserving of. I made great strides in therapy then met Mr. Virgo. That was my first experience of unconditional love. When I lost him, I was crushed…not only by his death, but by the loss of that unconditional love I had waited my whole life for. I didn’t think I could find that again…then Mr. FixIt came along.

\n

Still, when I find myself wanting approval, I remind myself. God chose me. He chose ME. The Creator of the Universe knows my name and how many hairs are on my head and still…He chose me. We all love being loved and approved of and accepted. But with the knowledge that God chose us and loves us immeasurably, we can do so in a healthy way. ❤️

\n
““Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.””\n

Jeremiah 1:5 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-01T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/01/the-giant-of-rejection.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/30/deep-freeze.html", "title": "Deep Freeze", "content_html": "

\"Frozen “The deep freeze is coming!”

\n

We are about to get hit with record breaking arctic weather. Actually, there are many places in America that will be colder than Antarctica today. That’s crazy! While I do not like cold weather like this, I can tolerate it if I don’t have to go out in it. So far this winter has been fairly mild in West Virginia with hardly any snow. Soon we will be past the threat of major storms and spring will be on its way.

\n

Yesterday, I accomplished very little. A couple of phone calls. Some paper work. I tidied up the kitchen and watched some old sermons I missed at church. But the rest of the day was spent knitting under my fur throw and watching old shows on TVLand. Andy Griffith and MASH. Part of me felt like a slug. The other part of me said it’s ok to do self care in the winter because God knows we work hard in the summer.

\n

I found this photo on Unsplash…a free source of stock photos in an app I use call Over. Whenever I use a stock photo, I always place a photo credit in the lower left hand corner, even though the photos are free. I do use a lot of my own photographs here, but I believe in putting credit where credit is due. I received a private message yesterday regarding the painting I shared with you last March. It’s the one of the woman jumping in Jesus’ arms. Someone has questioned whether the artist got permission from the photographer to use the photo in his art. I don’t know the answer to that. I have come to know the artist as a good Christian man and I do not believe he would do anything nefarious. That being said, if there is even a question regarding copyright infringement, I can’t be involved. That makes me sad, but I have to do the right thing for me and my “brand”. The worst part about this is, the art thieves made out like bandits at the artist’s expense and they will never be caught or prosecuted. I hope it gets resolved and the art will be made available at some point because it really struck a chord with people. ❤️

\n
“For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of man.”\n

2 Corinthians 8:21 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-30T02:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/30/deep-freeze.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/28/some-updates-on-the-kids.html", "title": "Some Updates on the Kids!", "content_html": "

\"Baby\" “Baby Gwendolyn sitting up with her braces on her legs. Making progress!”

\n

Remember sweet baby Gwendolyn who we have been praying for since last summer? Look at our big girl…sitting up in her high chair with her braces on her little legs. She still is having issues with her hands but she is slowly learning to grasp things. Her lower jaw is receded and she cannot eat yet so she has a stomach tube tube for feeding. But she is bright as a new copper penny and as sweet as a summer rain! What a blessing she is to all who love her!

\n

\"Braving “Little Khloe is battling leukemia and just lost her hair. She celebrated by braving bare in a fashion show! She’s a rock star!”

\n

Then, there’s little Khloe. Her great grandma went to high school with us. Khloe found out she had leukemia last summer. Last weekend, her family threw an “It’s Just Hair” party where she and many members of her family shaved their heads in support. Khloe lost almost all of her hair and she was tired of it just coming out in chunks so she just wanted it all off. She has a bunch of really cute wigs, but yesterday she was in a fashion show for Justice girls wear and boldly bare with a cute glittery unicorn headband. This brave little girl rocks!!!

\n

Here are two precious little girls, going through some pretty big struggles. And their brave families backing them up. It makes any little problem I may think I have pale in comparison. They are living, breathing examples of prayers being answered. I love when Jesus shows us His works.

\n

I’ve been praying for my bonus family and last night, the grands with their significant others went to church with me! What a joy that was! And, they want to come next week with my husband and me. So, it was a really, really wonderful weekend. I hope you have a blessed Monday, y’all!

\n

Have a wonderful Monday, everyone! ❤️

\n
“Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well.”\n

3 John 1:2 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-28T02:30:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/28/some-updates-on-the-kids.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Grace","Love","Courage","Humbled","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/27/building-up-my-stash.html", "title": "Building up my Stash", "content_html": "

\"Hand-knit “Eighteen hand-knit cotton dishclothes are perfect for impromptu gifts.”

\n

Yesterday was a decompression day. Taking care of and loving on lots of people this week left me needing a day that was all about me, for the most part. I’m almost finished with the cotton yarn I bought to knit dishcloths. There’s probably enough to make a couple more. I have eighteen in my stash. I like having these around for impromptu gift giving. I also get a bar of lavender soap every time my doTerra order comes around and I don’t need vitamins. I put these things all away to have ready for birthdays and hostess gifts.

\n

I have this whole bonus family through marrying Mr. FixIt and I am thrilled to say the grandkids are going to church with me today! Mr. FixIt and I will go at noon then when he bowls this evening, I’ll take the grandkids with me and treat them out to dinner after church. I wanted to spend some quality time alone with them. Bonding time is important in step-families…even when the kids are all grown up. I’m so excited…I can hardly wait!

\n

I told you I would let you know if I slept well again when I practiced handing everything over to God before bed. Well, I did and it was amazing how fast I fell asleep…and stayed asleep all night. I think I’m onto something here!

\n

We haven’t been to church for two weeks because of bad weather. I can hardly wait to get there today…twice! Have a blessed Sunday, dear ones. I’ll see you this evening for Sunday Night Prayer Circle. ❤️

\n
“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.”\n

Proverbs 17:6 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-27T02:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/27/building-up-my-stash.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/26/happy-feet.html", "title": "Happy Feet", "content_html": "

\"LL “I love my new Happy Camper Slippers!”

\n

My new slippers arrived yesterday! Yes…I had to have them. They are so cute and comfy. And they make me smile! 

\n

I’ve had an interesting week ministering to my family, loving my kids through life issues, being a mentor to the grandchildren. Missing the Colorado family. Sharing the Gospel. And the love. It’s been a challenge AND it’s been incredibly rewarding. And, I’m totally whupped tonight as I write this. 

\n

I have had a lot on my mind this week and I haven’t slept well. So, Thursday night I did like they suggested in Goliath Will Fall. When I laid down in bed, I told God I had worked on this stuff long enough. I said, “Here, I’m giving this to you to work on tonight. I’m going to sleep.” And I did. I mean…it really worked! I slept ten hours straight. I haven’t done that in ages but I’m going to try it again. I’ll let you know how it works.

\n

I love how my posts have been stirring people to write to me with their own stories of faith and family. I love how someone writes of a painful situation they are going through and soon, there are others who have chimed in to support them. It warms my heart that God trusts me with this ministry…to my family, to my friends, to my readers. I am grateful for all of you. And for a God that trusts someone like me with such a wonderful gift. ❤️

\n
“But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.”\n

Acts 20:24 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-26T02:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/26/happy-feet.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/25/thoughts-on-conflict-fear.html", "title": "Thoughts on Conflict \u0026 Fear", "content_html": "

\"Proverbs “Look for the gold in people. There’s enough dirt in the world.”

\n

The other day, we touched on conflicts and how to resolve them peacefully. We all have seen our fair share of conflict in our lives and had dealt with it in the best way we knew how with the knowledge we had at the time. Sometimes it’s worked out ok…sometimes not. The good thing is, we can always continue to learn and grow and get better at the sticking points in life.

\n

When you are dealing with marriage, here is the single most important thing I have learned. When you find yourself frustrated with your spouse…and you WILL at some point…mind your tongue when you are talking about him with others. If all you do is spout negative things, it won’t be long till that is all you will ever see in him/her. It doesn’t take long to go from speaking these things to outsiders to berating your spouse with all the things they do that tick you off. I can guarantee you…if you feed that beast, it’s all you’ll get back.

\n

I learned with Mr. Virgo…once I started to notice something he did that bugged me, that was a sign I wasn’t praying for him enough. Same for Mr. FixIt. We all need grace. It’s a wonderful habit to practice with your spouse or other family members.

\n

I had Bible study last night. We talked a little bit after last week’s study about the book “Goliath Must Fall” by Louie Giglio. Last night’s “giant” was FEAR. The first question we were asked was…”How well do you sleep?” Wow. Sometimes really well. Those are the times when things are going well and I really don’t have much to worry about. Other times, I lie awake all night long, staring at the ceiling, working something over and over, turning it this way and that, puzzling over how to…what? Fix it. Manipulate it. Control it. I rehearse conversations ahead of time with not only my dialogue, but that of the other’s as well. As if I have some sort of control over how another person thinks, acts, or responds. 

\n

Sometimes I lie there and worry about an event that isn’t going to happen for eight months. “Will I have the extra weight off before the wedding? What will I wear? What happens if it’s really hot. I don’t do well in heat.” All I have accomplished in that scenario is set myself up for failure and robbed myself of sleep and God’s joy.

\n

Last night’s lesson was this…when you lay down to sleep and the things to worry about start lining up…just hand them over to God and go to sleep. He loves you no matter what. He’s bigger than all of the giants. Trust him to work on your problems while you’re asleep. Then you awaken refreshed and can live in God’s Glory.

\n

There is a fine line between anger and fear. Giving your conflicts to God, praying for others, letting go of your fears…all elements that can help lead to a peaceful night’s sleep. ❤️

\n
“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”\n

Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-25T02:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/25/thoughts-on-conflict-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Anger","Fear","Forgiveness","Warning","Choices","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/24/precious-memories.html", "title": "Precious Memories", "content_html": "

\"Mom\" “My precious mother…gone fifteen years now. I miss her so much.”

\n

Fifteen years ago today, my precious mom left us unexpectedly. She had been ill for only five days, refusing to go to the hospital as she had no one to watch my brother. He has cerebral palsy and always had lived at home with her. She was fiercely protective of him. She died of multiple pulmonary emboli…blood clots in the lungs. If she would have had proper medical care, I believe she would have lived longer. Then again, perhaps it was her time to go. Either way, as those of you know who have lost your mother, it is a dreadfully difficult thing to go through.

\n

I posted some pictures on my Instagram account (@GriefMaven) yesterday and the setting is such that they also posted here. I entered them in Apple’s photo contest for pictures shot with an iPhone. One of the pictures is of my grandma’s house, which was also my mom’s house growing up. I believe she was a teenager when they moved there. Before that, they lived in the old home place back on the hill.

\n

Mom and her siblings walked down off that hill every day and from the time they went to high school, rode the bus twenty-eight miles each way, then walked back up the hill when they got home. It was a hardscrabble life for Mom and her family as they lived off the land…six kids, Grandma and Pop-Pop, an old milk cow and a horse to plow. Pop-Pop worked in the shop down the road…welding, fixing things, delivering pop, working on trucks for the oil fields.

\n

We went to the farm yesterday. I sat quietly in the living room, listening to the old house speak to me in a language I have heard since my earliest days. My eyes ran over the old linoleum on the floor, its pattern looking like carpet, faded and worn through in places. The sheers on the windows let the pale light from late afternoon highlight the dust motes in the air. The familiar smell of wood and old cotton and gas stove comforting me as I remembered so many days shared with her there.

\n

My friend Sharon, who is also a newly discovered distant cousin, saw the picture of Grandma’s house here yesterday and said it brought tears to her eyes. She said it made her think of an oldtimey tune her mother used to sing as she did her household chores. She posted a link, but I’m going to share it here as well. In honor of Wanda Belle…my mom, my friend, my champion. I loved her so…I miss her still. 

\n

Precious Memories…how they linger…

\n

❤️

\n

youtu.be/JUiqncJE_…

\n
“\"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.\"”\n

Proverbs 31:29 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-24T02:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/24/precious-memories.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Prayer","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Love","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/20/the-poet-from-darkness-into.html", "title": "The Poet - From Darkness into Light", "content_html": "

\"Meme\" “Think before you speak. Read before you think.”

\n
\"maybe death isn’t darkness, after all, but so much light wrapping itself around us — as soft as feathers\"\n

~ Mary Oliver

\nHow I let a treasure like Mary Oliver slip through my fingers, I’ll never know. It’s an excellent example of realizing how very much I do not know. The internet has been filled with loving tributes to this gentle woman with the expansive heart…her pen trimming away the excesses of flowery verse and going straight for the pit of your stomach. Her words are like magic…painting pictures of love and kindness and tenderness. Nature was her cathedral. Poetry was her torch.

\n

Oliver loved Whitman and Emerson, Shelley and Keats. Growing up in a dysfunctional home in Ohio, she ultimately settled in the wilds of New England, wandering through her woods and harbor…taking notes and penning phrases along the way. She has been compared to Emily Dickinson. Her poetry is filled with both darkness and joyous light. Her life partner, Molly Malone Cook, was her constant companion for over forty years, as well as her literary agent. After Molly’s death in 2005, Oliver continued on in Provincetown, Massachusetts until finally relocating to Florida. She rarely gave interviews because she valued her personal privacy and wished for her work to speak for itself. Mary Jane Oliver passed away on January 17, 2019 of lymphoma. And the world lost a valuable treasure.

\n

In researching Oliver’s work, I became introspective. How often do we think, once we have arrived at “a certain age”, that we somehow have attained a level of knowledge that we can, at the very least, term “well rounded”? I know a little bit about a lot of stuff, but there is SO much out there I haven’t a clue about. We cannot possibly learn everything, but how sad that I didn’t know Mary Oliver and her brilliant poetry during times in my life it might have soothed my heart. How joyful that I still have the opportunities to continue learning and growing.

\n

We are but a sum of our life’s experiences, are we not? The other night, I had a troubling dream. A recurring dream about a hopeless situation which will never be resolved nor totally understood. Not in this lifetime anyway. And whenever I have this dream, I am left feeling an ache in my heart…bereft over a loss I had little control over. It leaves me out of sorts for days and colors my every interaction, thus leaving the stains of old hurts smeared onto others who have no knowledge of my pain. It’s unfair and senseless. As I drove to town yesterday, I had a conversation with God. I asked Him to please step in and be an intermediary…to block this dream, and even the thoughts of the events that precipitate it. To take away the memories that come back and haunt me year after year. As I pleaded with God, I literally felt the old, familiar ache physically leave my heart. A weight was lifted and the cloud in my mind dissipated. I immediately thanked Him. Then…I let it go. 

\n

Poetry. Prose. Words. Prayers. God. They have such power to release you from the bondage of the past…if you let them. If you feel them and taste them and speak them. They can breathe life back into the sore places of your soul. ❤️

\n
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”\n

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 ESV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-20T02:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/20/the-poet-from-darkness-into.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Writing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/19/german-comfort-food.html", "title": "German Comfort Food", "content_html": "

\"Kielbasa “Kielbasa, kraut, and mashed potatoes…German comfort food.”

\n

When we were having coffee yesterday morning, Mr. FixIt asked if I wanted to go to the movies in the afternoon. My mind went over the list of things that needed to be done and I politely demurred. He turned on the weather report and they’re predicting a ton of rain turning to snow over the weekend so he wisely decided to go to town and rent a snake to clear the drain out back.

\n

We have a stairway that goes down into the basement. There is a four inch pipe in the bottom of that stairwell and it drains into a pipe that travels over a hundred yards out to the creek. About every two years, that drain needs to be snaked out so the water doesn’t back up and run into the basement. Also, there is a ditch out at the creek bank that always gets filled in when the spring runoff overflows. It’s an ugly, backbreaking job that no one likes, but it has to be done. With heavy rain in the forecast, it was best to get it over with.

\n

We headed to town and ran some errands before we picked up the snake at the rental place. I overheard the young man who was helping Mr. FixIt lift this monstrosity into the back of his truck.

\n

“Who’s going to help you unload this thing?”

\n

“That little lady sitting in the front seat up there.” Mr. FixIt sounded confident and proud.

\n

We stopped at the store on the way home and I don’t believe, even at Thanksgiving, I have ever seen so many people. The parking lot was filled. People were circling round and round. There were no carts. And the checkout lines were twenty deep. Mr. FixIt and I looked at each other like, “What the heck?”

\n

“They’re predicting snow!” I said. “Let the games begin.”

\n

I told him to just drive around and I’d be back out in a jiffy. As I headed into the store, the line from Hunger Games went through my mind.

\n

“May the odds be ever in your favor!” 

\n

I scooted to the back and bought the two items I needed. Non-alcohol beer and a chuck roast. I’m easy. I waited two minutes and hit the self-checkout and was out the door in a flash. There were people in there with multiple jugs of milk and loaves of bread…as if they were anticipating being stuck in their homes for weeks. When we stopped at the discount grocer earlier, I planned ahead by buying an extra bag of flour in case I got a hankerin’ to bake something. It’s crazy what a snow forecast does in West Virginia. It’s a good thing it’s the weekend. I’ve seen them cancel school based on a forecast.

\n

I used to kind of think these people were weenies when they cancelled school at the first sign of snow. After all, I lived in Colorado for forty years. If you don’t get out and go someplace when it snows, you’re going to be stuck in your house from October to May. But I’ve got to say, in these people’s defense, driving here in winter is NOTHING like Colorado. There, you can drive 55 in a whiteout blizzard, not that you SHOULD. Here, you don’t dare touch your brakes going 25 or you’ll be in a ditch in a heartbeat. The roads are twisty-turny and hilly. And they have this thing called black ice. It looks the same as wet pavement and it’s deadly. I get it now…people don’t want to go out in it. And school busses have no business hauling our babes through it if it can be prevented.

\n

When we got home, I had to help Mr. FixIt unload that drain snake. I am telling you what…that sucker was HEAVY. Fortunately it’s on wheels so when we got it out of the truck all we had to do was wheel it to the back stairwell. Then we had to walk it down the stairs. Oy! Once it was down there, I went on inside and Mr. FixIt got to work. After some time, I didn’t hear the machine anymore so I went to see how he was doing. I found him out at the creek bank digging out the ditch. Living on five acres without city sewer isn’t always easy. That was a lot of hard work. I helped him get the contraption back up the steps and into the bed of the truck. 

\n

“You’re a hard worker,” he said. 

\n

“Thanks for telling me that, but you’re the one who did the tough stuff. I’ll fix you some supper while you clean up.” I smiled as I patted his bum when I walked by.

\n

German comfort food seemed to be the perfect meal for the hard workers last night. I boiled kielbasa to leach out some of the salt then tossed it in a skillet with some melted butter. I drained the sauerkraut and added it to the skillet, stirring occasionally so it would brown but not burn. I made mashed potatoes and served the kielbasa/kraut mixture on top. Oh, it was heavenly! It was a good day’s work and that is so satisfying. ❤️

\n
“Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us; yes, establish the work of our hands!”\n

Psalms 90:17 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-19T02:30:11-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/19/german-comfort-food.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/18/finding-the-right-tools.html", "title": "Finding the Right Tools", "content_html": "

\"Screws\" “Having the right tool leads to success.”

\n

Good communication skills have not always been my strongest suit. For years, I was afraid to speak up for fear of judgement and rocking the boat. That changed with Mr. Virgo and I’ve honed the skill with Mr. FixIt. Yesterday I told you he was being a little stingy with his power tools. So, that night, instead of stewing over it, I just pointed out that I like power tools, too. He smiled and said he just wasn’t used to women who know how to do things like that. I understand that. Not all women can, or even want to, operate power tools.

\n

Yesterday, we needed to build another brace at the other end of the bathroom floor. That is where you attach two short pieces of 2x4 to a long piece in an “H” fashion and fasten it between the floor joists to support the new floor above. This end of the floor is located directly over the washer and dryer. It’s an awkward position to stand on a ladder and it was impossible for Mr. FixIt to get up in there, so I climbed up on the washer and dryer and fastened the new boards in with three inch wood screws. 

\n

I don’t know if you have ever held a drill at an awkward angle, over your head, and tried to hold enough pressure to keep the bit from slipping in the head of the screw, but I assure you it’s not easy. The first two screws stripped immediately. So I did what I always do…I talked to Jesus. I asked him to help me get this job done and the screws went in easily as I kept saying “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” When it got really difficult, Mr. FixIt just reached up and held the end of the drill and it worked like butter.

\n

When you face the tough things in life, you need the right tools for the job. We had the right wood screws. We had the right drill and bit and a fully charged battery. We had proper lighting and ladders. We had mutual support and trust. And we had Jesus standing in between us. We can call on Him to help us with the most mundane of tasks. My shoulders relaxed and I put all my focus and force on the task at hand and was successful. The right tools for the job…it’s what creates success. ❤️

\n
“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”\n

Hebrews 4:16 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-18T02:30:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/18/finding-the-right-tools.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/15/the-difference-between-with-and.html", "title": "The Difference Between “With” and “Without”", "content_html": "

\"Arid “The Difference Between With and Without”

\n

I rarely write a post about a specific scripture. I usually write something then find the scripture that best illustrates my thinking. It makes me search more. It makes me read more and study the Word more. It keeps me engaged. This post is different. I was chatting with Danielle the night I was asking her questions about her addiction and overdose. When I told her how happy I was she was getting her life together at 24, I shared my story and told her I felt robbed of nearly a decade of my life. She shared a scripture with me and I made note of it. I have meditated on it for over a week and now I’m ready to share it.

\n

I have always believed in God so therefore, I have never lived a day without Him. I will have to say though…Jesus didn’t live in MY house until 2004. By that time, I had already gone through two broken marriages. I had two beautiful daughters. And one broken mind.

\n

I didn’t realize how desolate my life had become. I just knew I was shriveling up and dying on the vine. I became broken in my second marriage and, for whatever reason, we couldn’t seem to end it. We became more and more distant and I self-medicated in order to cope. Unfortunately, I was seeing a psychiatrist who did more harm than good and I couldn’t seem to end that either.

\n

I knew what I needed. I needed Jesus. But I was married to a Jewish doctor. I took my little girl to Hebrew School every week. I organized all the Jewish celebrations in our small town. I had formally converted to Judaism. I had actually stood before a Beth Din…the Jewish tribunal court…and renounced Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. 

\n

“Jesus would NEVER want me now.” I thought to myself.

\n

Toward the end of that marriage, I laid in bed every night and talked to God. I told him, if anything happened to my husband, I would become a Christian. I consoled myself with thoughts of singing in church…of praying…of reading my Bible. But I just couldn’t do that AND be married to the Jewish doctor. He would leave me.

\n

Little did I know he’d been thinking of leaving for at least five years before he told me. I was hurt. But I was also angry. If we could have both been brave and honest, we could have avoided the pain of the last five to seven years and gotten on with our lives. It would have had far less of an impact on my children…especially Daughter #2 who was just nine years old when I overdosed and we subsequently ended our marriage.

\n

I felt robbed. Robbed of time. Robbed of happiness. Robbed of my marriage. And robbed of the Joy of having Jesus in my life…although I couldn’t articulate it as such at the time. When Danielle quoted Joel 2:25, my jaw dropped. It spoke of Redemption. It spoke of Replenishment. It spoke of Fulfillment. And the thing that spoke most to my heart was…the end of shame.

\n

I was raised by a father who used shame as his preferred tool of control. Blame and shame were my lifelong companions, and renouncing Jesus had become the number one shame of my life. Before I even realized I needed Him, I was yearning for His unconditional love. Thankfully, I was saved and forgiven and made new. I didn’t have to wait for anything…I just needed to get out of my own way.

\n

I loved the fact that as I ministered to Danielle, she ministered to me and told me God would repay me for the years the locusts ate. And He has…oh, my goodness. He has repayed me many, many times over. Far more than I ever deserved. As the calendar turned to another year, I could feel a shift in my relationship with God. No longer a “baby Christian”, I feel I have moved from an observer AT church to BEING the church. It’s a change in perspective and feels like a new level of maturity. It’s hard to describe, but I feel it and I believe it to be real. This is one of the wonders of walking with Christ. I’ve left the arid, desolate landscape of “without” and I’m walking in the lush, verdant landscape of “with”. ❤️

\n
“I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you. \"You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you. And my people shall never again be put to shame. You shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God and there is none else. And my people shall never again be put to shame.”\n

Joel 2:25-27 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-15T02:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/15/the-difference-between-with-and.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/10/johnny-jaxxa-story-of-devotion.html", "title": "Johnny \u0026 Jaxx...A Story of Devotion", "content_html": "

\"Doggy “Rosie (L), Jaxx (C), and Johnny Boy (R) celebrate Johnny’s 4th Gotcha Day!”

\n

We talk a lot here about death and dying, loss and grief. We talk about losing our parents…aunts…uncles…cousins, our siblings, our children, our friends, and our spouses. We don’t talk a whole lot here about when we lose our beloved fur-babies…those wonderful fur-covered angels that grace us with their presence for a few short years, only to be yanked away far, far too soon.

\n

Losing our beloved pets affects most of us the same way as losing a human member of the family. Our hearts break. We grieve. We are lost. We get the same brain fog. The same yearning. If you are an animal lover and have ever been fortunate enough to share your life with a companion animal, then you know what I am saying is true.

\n

\"Sick “Johnny Boy arrived so sick with Parvovirus we didn’t think he would live.”

\n

My first dog as an adult was an Aussie/Blue Heeler mix named Boofer. She was brilliant. The only dog I truly did not have to train. I just talked to her and she knew exactly what I wanted from her. And she would do her level best to please me. She had to be put down at the young age of seven after a diagnosis of a pituitary tumor. We managed her symptoms with medication as long as we could but when she went blind, it was time to set her free.

\n

Animal owners know their time with their fur-babies is limited. Boofer was gone too soon. Old Mama Kitty was at least 23-24 years old. Sidney was 14…a big, goofy black lab who owned my heart during a really dark period of my life. Mr. Virgo showed up with a 10-year-old Yorkie/Maltese mix named Cricket who lived to be seventeen. She died just three months before Mr. Virgo did. That was my last dog. I just didn’t have it in me to do it again and my lifestyle isn’t conducive to pet ownership.

\n

\"Boxer “Johnny Boy is absolutely CRAZY over kittens! He has to have one…always!”

\n

My friend Aimee is the Grande Dame of animal rescues. If it moves and squeaks, oinks, meows, moos, neighs, or barks…Aimee has to bring it home. Her husband rolls his eyes when another goat or chicken or rabbit or puppy makes an appearance at their West Virginia homestead. It’s all a show…he adores Aimee and if she needs to rescue another dog, she rescues another dog. As she says…she married well.

\n

Four years ago, Aimee fostered little Johnny Boy…a mastiff-boxer mix who was dreadfully thin. They soon found he was also dreadfully sick. Johnny nearly died….several times…of parvovirus and parasites and any number of problems. They went to every length to save this little guy’s life. When he got through the initial illness, Johnny Boy started having trouble walking. His joints became swollen and painful. They finally discovered he had a very rare disease of the epiphyseal joints in his legs. After a trip to the State Veterinary School in Columbus, a treatment was finally found and Johnny boy began to thrive and grow. 

\n

Then, just before the holidays, Aimee found hundreds of little bumps under Johnny’s skin. Again, Johnny Boy does nothing halfway and it took quite some doing to get a diagnosis. When they did, it was not good. It was a rare cancer and there is nothing they can do for him. So, Aimee decided Johnny Boy’s end of life would include the very best days ever. 

\n

\"Bonded “Johnny & Jaxx…BFF’s Forever!”

\n

A few months ago, Johnny’s BFF…Jaxx…moved to Florida with his human person. And Johnny was devastated. When they found out Johnny Boy doesn’t have a long time to live, Jaxx’s owner drove him from Florida and left him in Aimee’s care for as long as Johnny needs him. Johnny and Jaxx are insanely bonded. I mean…they FaceTime each other. Seriously!

\n

The other night, Aimee threw Johnny Boy a four year “Gotcha Party” to celebrate and Johnny, Jaxx, and Rosie donned their party hats and sat in the little chairs around the table. They ate scrambled eggs for supper and had Pupcake for dessert. I loved watching the video!

\n

Aimee posted a video yesterday that shows Johnny having a little trouble breathing. His type of tumor releases histamines and they make his nasal passages swell which in turn makes it difficult to breathe. She knows this is the beginning of the end. And, trust me, she will never let Johnny Boy suffer. When it is his time, she will let him go peacefully. In the meantime, she suffers the anticipatory grief knowing Johnny’s time on earth is short. Yet, she shares him with us…and with Jaxx. I SO love this crazy mutt who came in and stole all our hearts and showed us what loving a rescue is all about. He truly is made of love and sunshine. ❤️

\n
“The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”\n

Proverbs 12:10 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-10T02:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/10/johnny-jaxxa-story-of-devotion.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/09/into-the-light.html", "title": "Into the Light", "content_html": "

\"1 “For He called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9

\n

I’ve kind of had a theme going here the last few days given the time of year it is. I still sometimes sit in awe when I look back to where I was nearly twenty years ago. This is how we know how far we’ve come…by looking back in wonder. I struggled so long with a spirit of depression. When the veil lifted and I walked back into the light, it was surreal. Supernatural. Which is exactly what it was, this lifting.

\n

I am always consciously monitoring my mental state in the winter. I never, ever want to go back to that dark place again, so I carefully check myself often. Am I keeping up with personal hygiene? It’s one of the first things to slip. Am I sleeping too much? Not enough? How’s my temper? I get cranky when I get blue. Am I comforting myself with food? Am I eating out of boredom? Am I getting out and doing fun things and engaging with people? These are all problem areas and can signal depression.

\n

We had the fourth day in a row of warmth and sunshine yesterday. As a matter of fact, it was 64 late yesterday afternoon. The sun peeked in and out all day. It was glorious. I went out to visit TOW-Wanda. I plugged her in to charge up the batteries. She needs a good cleaning. I had company in there during the wedding and I never really cleaned much after that. One thing that really lifts my mood in the winter is to spend a couple of days in the camper, so I’m getting her fixed up.

\n

Being prepared for the grey days of winter can go a long way in warding off the blues. Keeping healthy foods in the house and limiting sweet snacks helps you make good choices when you want to cozy in with a bag of chips or a plate of brownies. Chilled, fresh oranges are sweet and juicy this time of year. If you really want a salty snack, the tiny bags of popcorn can hit the spot without overloading calories. I don’t want to count calories. I just want to remain mindful of what’s going in. And try to move more.

\n

Cleaning out a closet or that one junk room you’ve been ignoring can lift your mood and give you a sense of accomplishment. Or, starting a new project. We just started working on the master bathroom this week. It will be fun to see that take shape. Whatever it takes to keep you from hibernating and falling into a deep, blue funk is worth the effort to put towards keeping in the light. ❤️

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“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.””\n

Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-09T02:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/09/into-the-light.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/08/transformation.html", "title": "Transformation", "content_html": "

\"God “God often uses our deepest pain as the launching pad of our greatest calling.”

\n

Grief comes in a variety of circumstances. My first experience with grief was when my Pop-Pop died just after I graduated from high school. I was devastated. I lost a job I desperately needed when Hubby #2 was in his first year of Medical School. The rehab center where I worked was experiencing some financial difficulties and I was let go. I felt it was personal until the next month when fifty more staff members were given their walking papers. I guess misery DOES love company. I grieved deeply over that loss because I loved the job, for one thing. For another, I was young and had never experienced anything like that. My next major grief experience was the overdose and subsequent loss of my marriage and the alienation of my children. That was horrifying. Then I lost my grandma, my dog, and Mr. Virgo in less than a year.

\n

Every time I’ve faced grief, I’ve thought my world would end. I couldn’t figure out how to live after those losses. And every time, I survived. Not only survived, but eventually thrived. I learned skills from coping with grief. Grief chiseled me into the person I have become. And as painful as it was to go through, God came in and used that pain as a launching pad of my greatest calling…my mission, as it were. 

\n

I’ve been having some meetings and there are exciting changes coming in 2019. Nothing I can talk about yet, but I can see God’s hand all over it. I was talking about it with Mr. FixIt the other night and told him I’ve been praying for these exact things…I have to walk forward into this new territory. Don’t worry…I’m not going anywhere. Just more fun and excitement I can’t wait to share with you all! ❤️

\n
“Whenever, though, they turn to face God as Moses did, God removes the veil and there they are—face-to-face! They suddenly recognize that God is a living, personal presence, not a piece of chiseled stone. And when God is personally present, a living Spirit, that old, constricting legislation is recognized as obsolete. We’re free of it! All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.”\n

2 Corinthians 3:16-18 MSG

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-08T02:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/08/transformation.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/07/january-bluebirds.html", "title": "January Bluebirds", "content_html": "

\"Mountain “Mountain Bluebirds are glorious in January!”

\n

I don’t know about where you are, but here in West Virginia, the weather has been lovely. We have had three days straight of sunshine and near fifty degrees. When Mr. FixIt and I left church yesterday, we both let out an audible sigh.

\n

“Ok, this IS a beautiful day, isn’t it?” I love that my sweet husband notices such things and really FEELS them.

\n

“Yes,” I said. “I can get through a West Virginia winter if I just have a few days like this to lift me up.”

\n

That is one thing about Colorado, besides my wonderful family, that I miss desperately. Plenty of sunshine days in the Rocky Mountains. And there truly is nothing more beautiful than Mountain Bluebirds on the crisp white of snow.

\n

My friend, Roxanne Morris, is an incredibly talented artist and photographer. She caught these images yesterday and I asked if I could share them with you. They make me smile. Mr. Virgo has brought me bluebirds from the beginning. He knew how much I loved them. I cannot see them without thinking of him. And, since yesterday was my re-birthday, it was only fitting that he send me bluebirds…albeit through my friend’s lens and Facebook. These are COLORADO bluebirds. These are the same as the ones that fly around his grave when I go visit him. 

\n

\"Mountain “The flash of blue against the crisp, white snow of Colorado makes Mountain Bluebirds a favorite.”

\n

I marveled all day yesterday at the vast differences in my life now compared to the same day nineteen years ago. I stood in church and sang with great joy and enthusiasm. I held hands with my sweet husband. We enjoyed breakfast together after church. We shared some time at the farm. And we came home to the Ponderosa. I spoke to Daughter #1 and she told me she loves me and misses me. I chatted with Daughter #2 and we shared our love. I received a text from Hubby #2…the one to whom I was married at the time of the overdose. It was a lovely text with pictures of their dogs and he was joyful and there was no mention of the past and my heart filled with love and joy for our healing. And, to top it all off, Mr. Virgo’s beloved Eagles won the wild card game yesterday. So, yeah…he’s happy, too. And still sending me bluebirds. ❤️

\n
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.\n

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.””

\n

Jeremiah 29:11, 13-14 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-07T02:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/07/january-bluebirds.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Forgiveness","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/06/the-pivoting-point.html", "title": "The Pivoting Point", "content_html": "
\n\"Snow\n\n
\nWhen I woke up the morning of January 6, 2000...I had no idea I had spent the last night of my life in Hubby #2’s bed. Because, it very nearly became the ACTUAL last night of my life. In about 12 hours, I was going to be in the ER fighting for my life after an overdose. \n

This is the day that I refer to as my re-birthday. It was the day I hit rock bottom and had to start navigating my way back up. It wasn’t like I really wanted to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. Everything had become so painful.

\n

I used to tell the details of this day over and over and over to anyone who would sit still. I told about my relationship to a man who wasn’t taking care of me the way I needed. He’s not a bad man at all. Years of illness and my altered personality from all those drugs had taken their toll on both of us. I told about the psychiatrist who misdiagnosed me as having a chemical imbalance in my brain. I told about how my life experiences, including episodes of childhood sexual abuse, had created the perfect storm that produced that fateful day. 

\n

It’s nineteen years now. So close to two decades. Not quite one third of my life has passed. SO much has happened in those nineteen years, including burying my next husband. I am a sum of my experiences, as we all are. But, I am not DEFINED by those experiences anymore.

\n

The person I am today doesn’t resemble who I was back then. The only cells that are the same ones now that were present on that night at the turn of the millennium are neurons…the very cells I was trying to shut off. Everything else has been made new…both physically with the passage of time, and spiritually with my salvation. 

\n

The value of the story has changed. I no longer want you to take sides with me and hate my ex-husband. I no longer want to make excuses for my behaviors. I no longer want you to feel sorry for me. These things were all present for some time in the retelling. Now, the value of the story isn’t so much the yardstick that measures how far I’ve come, but more a testimony that…no matter how far you’ve gone down the wrong path…you can turn around and have a better life.

\n

While my abuse came from prescriptions, and Danielle’s (see my post about her earlier this week) came from street drugs and a needle, we are no different. We were both addicted and we were both saved by the same Grace. We were both snatched from the jaws of death by a loving and forgiving God. He didn’t cause our problems, but he did allow us to walk through them so we could learn and grow into the purpose He designed for our lives.

\n

It’s hard for me to believe that was me…that I was that far gone. I will tell you this, though…I will forever tell how Jesus picked me up and carried me when I stumbled and fell on January 6, 2000. ❤️

\n
“so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”\n

Isaiah 55:11 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-06T02:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/06/the-pivoting-point.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/05/thwarting-a-spiritual-attack.html", "title": "Thwarting a Spiritual Attack", "content_html": "

\"Psalm “Man says…show me and I’ll trust you. God says…trust me and I’ll show you.” Psalm 126:6

\n

So, I was minding my own business, tucked under my blanket, happily knitting when I got a text . My dear friends Janine and Gail and I have a chat room where we visit just about every day. Janine was traveling through and was stopping at Gail’s to spend the night. I was three hours away but I wasn’t going to miss out on seeing my good friends. Impromptu road trip!

\n

I got here just after dark. Janine had her friend Diane with her and I was thrilled to meet her. Another friend, Jan, came to join us and we just had a grand time. Diane is a devout Christian and is a PR person. Jan is a retired pastor. You can imagine our entire evening was talking about our stories and how God has worked in our lives. 

\n

I was standing in the kitchen giving Diane my testimony about finding Jesus when I started feeling ill. It worsened over the hour and I headed upstairs with a bucket, just in case. Everyone had gone to bed so when I came to Janine’s door I tapped. 

\n

“Janine?”

\n

“Yes, dear.” She opened the door wide. Her smile quickly faded when she saw me. “Ginny? What’s wrong?” She came into the hall and touched my arm. 

\n

“Janine, I’m being spiritually attacked!”  I knew it as sure as I knew my own name. I was suddenly, violently ill.

\n

I spent the prior twenty-four hours pretty immersed in Jesus. I watched War Room…a powerful movie about spiritual warfare. Then I came to Gail’s and spent a whole evening talking about very powerful, spiritual things. There were five very strong women engaged in animated spiritual conversation. 

\n

Janine and Diane came into the room and laid hands on me and prayed fervently. Within a half hour, I felt much better. 

\n

If you don’t believe in such a thing as spiritual warfare, I am here to tell you it’s a very real thing. The enemy does not like when powerful, spiritual women start professing faith like we were. But his power is in whispering lies and making you believe things that are not real. We sent him packing. A whole army of angels surrounded me and kicked his butt! We can just rejoice in that for a while, ok? I believe! ❤️

\n
“Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.””\n

Matthew 16:23 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-05T02:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/05/thwarting-a-spiritual-attack.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Girl Campers","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/04/snatched-from-the-jaws-of.html", "title": "Snatched From the Jaws of Death", "content_html": "

\"Young “She was snatched from the jaws of addiction and saved by the Blood of Jesus.”

\n

She’s just twenty-four. Yet she was addicted to heroin for six years. And occasionally she did meth. On April 14th, she overdosed on both and landed in the ICU for four days on life support. She wasn’t even out of the ER when she popped up on my radar. I’m in a small group at church with someone who knows Danielle very well. The text came in begging for prayers to save this beautiful girl.

\n

And pray we did. Our whole church prayed for her. Actively. Daily. There were prayer warriors stationed at the hospital. There were friends and family talking with her. They wanted to connect her with someone who could help her in this fight. And they wanted Jesus in Danielle’s corner.

\n

She resisted, as you might imagine. At first she said she’d talk to him. Then she wouldn’t. And finally, just before discharge, she relented. I’m unsure of the exact timeline, but I know it wasn’t long till this beautiful girl was saved in a parking lot with many prayers surrounding her.

\n

The change that has come over Danielle is remarkable. When you see her today, and see the light of Jesus on her, it is so hard to imagine her shooting heroin into her veins. She has attended a faith-based residential program three times. These weren’t three dropouts. This was three separate sessions. Because, as anyone who has been set free of the demon of addiction can tell you, it’s never a one and done situation. It is a life-long learning process. And she is committed.

\n

A couple of days ago, Danielle took a plane to Hawaii to attend discipleship training. When she arrived, her luggage was somewhere in Dallas. When she got to the campus to check in, she found out there had been a miscommunication and she was short on funds…four figures short on funds. She reached out to her church family and we raised the funds in about three hours. There is no way to hide God’s work in this. And it is so obvious the enemy doesn’t like it. He tried to throw a wrench in the works at every turn but our God is a mighty God. It wasn’t long till the enemy was put in his place.

\n

Last night, I watched War Room. I’ve always considered myself to be…if not a prayer warrior…then at the very least, a fervent prayer. Oh, my…that movie has me planning a War Room of my own! People like Danielle remind us of the power of prayer. I am so proud of her hard work and her willingness to keep plugging at this. I can’t wait to see what she learns in discipleship training. I cant wait to see what God has in store for her! I’m so happy God plucked her from the jaws of death because I know He has plans for her…to prosper her and not to harm her. ❤️

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“I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses.”\n

2 Corinthians 12:1-5 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-04T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/04/snatched-from-the-jaws-of.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/03/we-rise-by-lifting-others.html", "title": "We Rise by Lifting Others Up", "content_html": "

\"Meme\" “Blowing out someone else’s candle won’t make yours shine brighter. Remember that.”

\n

Have you ever had someone in your life that went out of their way to put you down? Of course you have. We all have. I was in a long term relationship that was like that. Comments like, “You aren’t wearing THAT are you?” “Well, THAT was stupid!” These things take a toll on you after a while. It took a long time, and a great deal of therapy, to learn those things were said by a person who was egotistical but still suffered emotional injuries from a less than demonstrative childhood.

\n

It happened with my dad. It happened with most of the men I’ve been involved with. Men who suffer so they must make YOU suffer in order to feel better about themselves. The wounds run deep.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I have a different kind of relationship than I’ve ever experienced. I am much more free to express my feelings with him than I have been with anyone else. I think part of that is age. Part is setting the ground rules early in the relationship that we can say anything. I’m still learning how to govern that. Too much freedom and some things come out sounding unkind. Many a truth was said in jest.

\n

We rise by lifting others up. I know from experience what that constant needling feels like and I don’t ever want my sweetheart to feel less than loved to the max. At the same time, there are moments in any relationship when you have to blow off steam. That’s fine, as long as you fight fair. Life is just so darned short. I want to really live it…not walk on eggshells like I did in the past. 

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I pray every day that I will give my very best to my husband and my family, to my friends and acquaintances. I strive to be my best self, but I don’t beat myself up when I fall short. I just try again the next day. It’s called being human. ❤️

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“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”\n

Ephesians 4:29 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-03T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/03/we-rise-by-lifting-others.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/02/hope-and-joy.html", "title": "Hope AND Joy!", "content_html": "

\"Paul “The world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.” - Paul Coelho

\n

The other day I said my word for 2019 would be “Joy”. Then I decided it really should be “Hope”. Well, we all know it is a woman’s prerogative to change her mind and I’ve decided to have TWO words this year…Hope AND Joy! No reason I can’t strive for both and they go hand in hand, right?

\n

I was looking through my photos from the last year. I try to use my own photos for my blog but sometimes something comes along that I just need to share. That is the case in today’s meme.

\n

One of the photos I saw yesterday as I was preparing to write this post was one of my sweet Uncle Bud, devoted husband of my Aunt Viv who died the day after Mr. FixIt and I got married. I was so worried about him the last couple of years. As Aunt Viv’s dementia worsened, he got less and less sleep and had absolutely no time to take care of himself. The last two years he also had the added responsibility of caring for his sister…the elderly aunt I originally came to West Virginia to try to help. I really hated that hers and my inability to get along added an extra burden on him, but it couldn’t be helped. She and I were oil and water. Or probably more accurate, gasoline and a match.

\n

Every week, I called my Uncle Bud to see how he was doing. And all too often I suggested perhaps they should seek some sort of alternative to caring for both women in the home, virtually unassisted. And every time, he patiently replied, “We’ll see.” I realized long back, this is not my place to butt in, so I tried to stay out of it. I wasn’t always successful, but I tried.

\n

When my aunt finally passed, I realized…that was his sweetheart. The love of his life. He took vows that he would love her and care for her in sickness and in health. While no one would have held it against him if he would have placed either of my aunts in a nursing home, this was just not the way he was raised and he has a huge heart. He simply could not do that for his wife. And now, I am sure, he will care for his sister as long as he possibly can.

\n

When I came across a picture of my Uncle Bud yesterday, I had to smile. Here was this 80-something year old man whom I adore, hunched over his brand new smart phone. Apparently, someone felt it was time for him to ditch the old flip phone he’s been using forever and come into 21st century technology. 

\n

I can just imagine what he must think. I remember when I got my first laptop. I brought it to West Virginia to show my grandma. I signed up for AOL specifically so I could use the internet anywhere. I plugged it into her phone line and rang up the dialup modem. After the beeps and boops, up it popped. We sat there for hours looking up stuff. She was intrigued, but I don’t think it really sank in what she was looking at. It was all a mystery to her.

\n

As I head into the new year armed with “HOPE” and “JOY”, I want to remember always that it is my example, not my opinion, that will change the world. It takes a village to change things. And if we all work together, we can raise the collective vibration of the planet to a place of awareness and peace. If we strive to go high when others go low, we can set our sites on a common goal…one of peace and mutual understanding. When we keep God at the center, he equips us with all we need to succeed. This is my prayer…my most fervent hope, in order to find infinite joy! ❤️

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“But after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who calls you to share his eternal glory in union with Christ, will himself perfect you and give you firmness, strength, and a sure foundation. To him be the power for ever! Amen.”\n

1 Peter 5:10-11 GNB

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-02T02:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/02/hope-and-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/31/saying-goodbye-to.html", "title": "Saying Goodbye to 2018", "content_html": "

\"Mother-daughter “A mother-daughter duo singing worship songs to close out the year.” Photo Credit: The Warehouse Church

\n

We had a special celebration at church yesterday. Instead of having the kids over in their area, they joined the adults. And, instead of hearing a message from Pastor Justin, we ended the year with an hour of praise music and communion. It was a special treat to see the children of our worship team on stage singing with their parents. This little gal was amazing and it warmed my heart to watch her.

\n

As the old year fades, we cannot help but look over the last twelve months and review what we have accomplished. It is easy to be critical of what we perceive as mistakes. The woulda-shoulda-coulda’s can creep in, and that really doesn’t serve us well. Looking back with a hopeful heart takes practice.

\n

I was telling someone yesterday that I was glad to have 2018 over with. But when I really gave that some thought, I realized that’s just wishing your life away. There were some very sad things that happened this year, true. I lost three people I loved very much…all within two months. Their deaths saddened me greatly and I have learned enough about life to know…the greater the love, the deeper the grief. I was blessed to have these three in my life to love and love me back.

\n

Then, there were all these health problems I had to deal with. They were a major pain, but when I look back I realize I was so blessed to have insurance. I know there are people who can’t afford to see a doctor and let medical issues go till it’s too late. I was blessed with knowledgeable physicians and excellent hospital care. I cannot complain.

\n

The highlight of my year, of course, was getting married to my best friend. Mr. FixIt is my rock…my life partner…my playmate. My life is so much happier with him in it and I gained a bonus family!

\n

So, I won’t wish away time. I will remember Aunt Viv, and my cousin Tom, and my “other-mother” Louisa with much love…keeping their memories alive by saying their names. And I will cherish the gifts God gives me daily…love, insurance, health, good doctors, a roof over my head, food on my table, a loving family, and a man who thinks the sun rises at my feet. As I head into the new year, I will tuck this one away with solemn gratitude.

\n

❤️

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“Praise the LORD, my soul, and do not forget how kind he is.”\n

Psalms 103:2 GNB

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-31T02:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/31/saying-goodbye-to.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Courage","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/30/gwendolyns-journey-with-arthrogryposis.html", "title": "Gwendolyn’s Journey with Arthrogryposis", "content_html": "

\"Arthrogryposis\" “Baby Gwen was born with arthrogryposis…a rare congenital anomaly that causes some joints in the body to be stiff and bent in odd directions.”

\n

A few months ago, I asked you to pray for my friend’s little baby granddaughter and you all stood up and joined hands and prayed hard. Baby Gwen came into this world a beautiful little flower…but some of her petals were damaged. She has arthrogryposis…a rare congenital defect that affects multiple joints. There are typically joint contractures which may be stuck in one position. The muscles surrounding these joints may be weak, stiff, or even missing altogether. Little Gwen’s left leg was bent backwards and lay across her tummy. Her feet and hands are turned inward and her little chin is drastically receded. 

\n

\"Meme “Her damaged petals are what made her more beautiful than all the other flowers.” A. J. Lawless

\n

As Gwen has grown, some of these contractures have needed to be addressed more urgently. Because her lower jaw recedes, she cannot drink from a bottle. She eventually had a stomach tube placed to get tube feedings directly into her stomach. And, because she can’t swallow, her normal saliva can choke her to death. She has to have someone awake with her 24/7 in order to suction her airway when her secretions get in her way. Between her airway and tube feedings, physical therapy and doctor’s visits, little Gwen is more than a fulltime job. I’m telling you this though…God couldn’t have given her to a better family than the one she’s in. 

\n

\"Leg “Gwen has had a series of casts placed on her legs to bring them down into position for surgical repair.”

\n

The latest surgery was a tendectomy. This will clear the way for eventually walking. I know it’s hard to imagine her ever walking when you look at that newborn picture, but she has had a series of casts as well as the surgery and her legs are down much closer where they need to be. She is just now being able to coo and gurgle baby gibberish and it makes your heart soar when you see her in a video. Her huge, sensitive eyes look into your very soul. She is the sweetest little thing.

\n

\"Stomach “Baby Gwen is fed through a tube placed surgically into her stomach because she cannot swallow well enough to eat.”

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Gwen’s parents are young. Mommy had to quit her job to stay home with the baby. With all the expenses that go along with a situation like this, there is also a Go Fund Me page to help with daily expenses and challenges. I rarely share this kind of thing, asking for donations, but I know this family personally. They are a wonderful, close knit family who needs a little extra help. It’s the end of the year. If you find you need to donate a little more, or if the Spirit moves you, please consider helping this young family out. 

\n

\"Arthrogryposis\" “The muscles in Gwen’s arms and hands are weak and she is just now learning to ‘hold’ toys.”

\n

You can find Gwendolyn’s story at:

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https://www.facebook.com/GwendolynsJourney/

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You can find their Go Fund Me page at:

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https://www.gofundme.com/gwendolyn-strong

\n

\"Baby “I look forward to every post as I follow Gwendolyn’s Journey. This baby will never be told she can’t do something…they will just find a way.”

\n
“As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been born blind. His followers asked him, “Teacher, whose sin caused this man to be born blind—his own sin or his parents’ sin?” Jesus answered, “It is not this man’s sin or his parents’ sin that made him blind. This man was born blind so that God’s power could be shown in him.”\n

John 9:1-3 ICB

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-30T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/30/gwendolyns-journey-with-arthrogryposis.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/29/looking-for-the-light.html", "title": "Looking for the Light", "content_html": "

\"Sunset\" “Looking for the Light”

\n

In the next week or two, one after the other…folks will be taking down their Christmas lights. My goodness, I know people who take their decorations down as soon as the last present is opened! Me? Well, if I didn’t have to dust the darned thing, I’d leave my tree up all year. Oh, I love my tree! Mr. FixIt picked out two or three trees and sent me pictures of them when I was in Colorado that first Christmas we were dating. I chose the one I wanted and he picked it up on sale after the holidays. He’s such a good man!

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Thankfully, we are past the winter solstice, and the days will incrementally reward us with more and more light. But it will be a while before we really notice it. Until then, I will hang on to my sweet, white lights on my tree. And my scented candles. And my battery operated candles that automatically turn on and off. And the little candles in each window that stay up all year. And the accent lamps. There are no curtains on the windows so I can squeeze out every moment of light every day. I crave light. 

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In the past, I have fallen victim to the habit of saying, “I hate winter!” “I hate the cold weather!” “I hate the snow!” Well, you know what? Whether I hate it or not, it is going to be here. Defeatist jargon steals joy. Either way, hate or joy, it’s still going to be dark and cold. So why not choose joy? Why not change the negative self chatter to something like…”There is joy in this moment.” There is joy in that sunbeam, no matter how briefly it shines. There is joy in the snow…no two snowflakes are alike. There is joy in the trees as they stretch their naked arms up into the sky, their roots settled in for a rest before they burst forth with their gift of green.

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This transformation of my thinking doesn’t come in a straight line. I’ve found myself being decidedly grumpy occasionally over the last couple of weeks. Then I remember my word…presence…and I come back. It may be a forever battle, but my war cry will always be “Joy!”

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That is my word for 2019. Joy!

\n
“These people who live in darkness will see a great light. They live in a place that is very dark. But a light will shine on them.” Isaiah 9:1-2”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭4:16‬ ‭ICB‬‬
\n", "date_published": "2018-12-29T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/29/looking-for-the-light.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/28/latkes-for-a-late-hanukkah.html", "title": "Latkes for a Late Hanukkah", "content_html": "
\n\"Latkes\"\n
    “Latkes for a Late Hanukkah!”
\n
\nIn early December, our friend Doug Kreinik makes latkes at an area restaurant and sells them for charity. A couple of my friends and I were lamenting we didn’t get to go to this year’s event so we were feeling latke deprived. I told them...Fear not! I am the Latke Maven! Last night was the night for latkes at the FixIt’s!\n

For those of you who have been around long enough to hear all my stories, you know I was a practicing Jew for 27 years. You don’t live that long submersed in a culture without it becoming a big part of your identity. Hubby #2 was Jewish, and while I didn’t convert for him, it all happened around the same time…dating and discovering Judaism. I became a Christian in 2004, but I relate culturally to the ethnic foods and holidays I celebrated all those years. It’s been a long time since I’ve cooked traditional Jewish dishes and last night was so fun!

\n

This photo is not my latkes…I chose one from Google images that looks exactly like mine. You wouldn’t think there would be so many ways to make the crispy potato pancakes fried in oil, but there are. Some use packaged shredded hash browns. Some grind the potatoes into a coarse mush. When you squeeze the water out and mix up a batter, the pancakes resemble a regular pancake. Some use a shredding attachment on a food processor. That works well if you are making a ton of latkes for a party. I like to use the old fashioned grater like Grandma used and shred about six good sized peeled red potatoes by hand. I also grate up a medium sized onion. I mix in about 1/8-1/4 cup all purpose flour which serves two purposes…it keeps the shredded potatoes from getting dark and it helps the pancakes hold together. At this point, you can set the potatoes aside to finish a little later.

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I squeezed the excess moisture out of the potatoes and added four eggs lightly beaten and about a cup of Matzah Meal. I like my potato mixture to be think enough to form into thin patties and fry in hot oil till they are golden and crispy on the outside, moist and tender on the inside. Oh, my…they are divine. Some people eat latkes with applesauce on them but I prefer a dollop of sour cream. I made a big pot of Turkey Matzah Ball soup to go with the latkes, and a Cranberry Orange Walnut Bread for dessert. So yummy!

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When we were visiting the FixIt kids the other night, I told them about Hanukkah and they were intrigued so I promised next year we’ll have a Hanukkah party. And maybe a Passover Seder, too! I think it can only benefit kids to be exposed to other cultures and religions and traditions. It makes for a more tolerant society and allows them to be conversant wherever they may go in life. ❤️

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“The time came for the Feast of Dedication at Jerusalem. This was during the winter.”\n

John 10:22 ICB

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-28T02:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/28/latkes-for-a-late-hanukkah.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Fun","Gratitude","Comfort","Holiday","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/24/christmas-a-season-of-healing.html", "title": "Christmas: A Season of Healing", "content_html": "

\"Santa “My Santa and Mrs. Claus”

\n

Dear Santa,

\n

This is the sixth Christmas without my Mr. Virgo. I know you remember the day I sat beside you in your great big comfy chair. It was that first awful Christmas after he died. I was crying and you saw me standing there alone. And that great big heart of yours was so soft…you moved over to make room for me and patted the seat, letting me know I should come sit for a while. 

\n

I was crying…trying so hard to regain my composure. You waited patiently for me to gather my wits about me. Finally, I leaned towards you. You leaned in to hear. “My husband died. I need a new heart.” I could almost hear your heart breaking for me. You put your arm around my shoulders and whispered back. “I’m so sorry.” Your voice was thick with emotion. You patted my back as my shoulders shook with sobs. 

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It wasn’t long till I got it together. I apologized for being such a mess. You said, “Nonsense. You’re perfect!” As I prepared to leave, you asked, “Won’t you have your picture taken with me?” My heart skipped a beat and for just a moment…a fleeting moment, I felt the joy of childhood as I nodded yes.

\n

We took a photo, you and I…and we were bonded in that moment. I’ve written to you every year since that December day in 2013. I’ve related my progress as I’ve navigated this grief journey…my ups and downs. My successes and the stumbles. And here it is…2018…and have I got news for you!

\n

I got married!!! Yes…it’s true! I came back to West Virginia two years ago. Along the way, I ran into my best guy pal from high school and, well…the rest is history! We were married in a field at his home. We were married by our lifelong friend…a pastor. And, Santa…he such a good man, my Mr. FixIt. We are two peas in a pod. He goes to church with me every Sunday. It is the first time I have been equally yoked in a marriage and it is amazing!

\n

I just wanted to let you know I’m doing well. I still have moments where I experience grief. I always will…it is the price you pay for great love. I continue my mission of writing here and reaching others who are on the same journey. Thank you for being there for me that sad, sad day. Thank you for being my cheerleader. And thank you again…from the very bottom of my heart…for being real and asking Jesus to bring me a new heart. ❤️

\n
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”\n

Psalm 147:3 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-24T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/24/christmas-a-season-of-healing.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Holiday","Courage","Be Joyful!","Marriage","Uncategorized"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/23/a-starting-point.html", "title": "A Starting Point", "content_html": "

\"The “We found this channel on Dish Network that shows nothing but a wood burning fireplace with the snaps and pops. We had it on all afternoon while I knitted. It was awesome…and no dirt or smells!”

\n

I was reading a tweet yesterday from a woman who struggled with an eating disorder. It embarrassed and frustrated her so every day she told herself, “Tomorrow, I will begin to address this and heal.” She told herself that for twenty years before she finally did something.

\n

We are faced with situations all the time which need our attention and we justify waiting. People won’t get a housekeeper in to help till they get the house clean. I never understood that, because…isn’t that what you’re getting the housekeeper for in the first place? People won’t lose weight (myself included) because we’ll just wait till after Thanksgiving or after Christmas, or…or…or… The list goes on and on. 

\n

Faith. Faith can be a huge struggle. A lot of churches don’t seem to really welcome you till you look more like they do. Till you act more like they do. But what if you’re a jacked up dysfunctional human like so many of us? “Oh, I’ll go to church when I conquer this addiction.” “I can’t go to church…I don’t have good enough clothes to be seen with those nice people.” “They don’t want someone like me down there.” That’s the same as the housekeeper theory. It doesn’t make sense.

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Mr. FixIt and I went to church last night for Christmas service and Pastor Justin gave three simple tips for getting started on whatever issue you are having…no matter how difficult it is. 

\n
    \n
  1. Start where you are.
    2. \n
\n

 You don’t have to be a certain way or get to a certain place to get started. Just start…exactly where you are in the moment. 

\n
    \n
  1. Use what you have. 
    2. \n
\n

 Do you have a talent or skill? Use that. Use it to work or to reach a goal. Use it to bridge a gap between you and others. 

\n
    \n
  1. Do what you can. 
    2. \n
\n

 You don’t have to go on a mission to Africa or build a rocket ship. Lift people up where they are. Serve in whatever capacity you can. My mission is writing this blog and speaking to church groups. Yours might be knitting prayer shawls or painting a house for a shut-in. 

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These three steps can be used in every day life in every situation. From raising your kids to volunteering in retirement. Let’s enjoy the holidays, help others where we can, and plan on changing our little corner of the world in 2019. One builds on the next till we can’t help but lift each other up and make this a better place to live.

\n

One way Mr. FixIt and I are going to increase our giving is a great idea I learned from Larry at the bowling alley. We see Larry at church often and he’s such a selfless giver. He told me he looks at all his $1.00 bills. In the circle on the left side is a letter. He saves the “J”, “G”, and “B” bills. Jesus, God, and Bible. Then he places one between each page of a bible and when the Bible is full, he presents it to the Pastor and they pray over it. It has become a ministry for him and Larry is now filling his fifth Bible. We picked up a Bible last night at church because we realized we need to start where we are, we need to use what we have, and we need to do what we can. 

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We went out to dinner after church and we were figuring the tip. Mr. FixIt was pulling out some ones and he found a “J” bill. I put my hand out and he smiled as he handed it over. We have our first bill in our Bible! ❤️

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“In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.”\n

Psalm 5:3 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-23T02:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/23/a-starting-point.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/18/say-i-love-you-with.html", "title": "Say “I Love You” With a Little Yarn \u0026 a Lotta Love", "content_html": "

\"Knitted “Hand knitted dishcloth with the ASL sign for “I Love You” in the pattern.”

\n

 Yesterday’s post had me thinking about quick, last minute gifts for the holidays. I was in town Sunday afternoon so I stopped at Walmart and picked up some cotton yarn. Those cute patterns for dishcloths had me thinking I’d like to whip up some. 

\n

Mr. FixIt had to go to town yesterday to help a friend build something and do a little Christmas shopping. I elected to stay home. I asked Alexa to play “Soft Christmas Music”, turned up the stove in the family room, grabbed a cup of coffee, and curled up by the tree. I pulled up the fox fur blanket that I had made from the coat Mr. Virgo gave me years ago. And I set to knitting. 

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In the comments on yesterday’s post, my friend Jamie told me someone made her a dishcloth with the ASL symbol for “I Love You” knitted into it. I asked for the pattern and her friend sent the link. I still have the remnants of grief brain so I had to really concentrate on the pattern. I had to take out a row every now and then when I couldn’t remember where I was in the pattern. But before too long, I had one finished! I’ve started a second dishcloth from one of the pattern in the link I included yesterday.

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The other day, Daughter #2 called and said she missed my cooking. I asked her what dish she loved the most. Turkey Tetrawhatzit…my version of Turkey Tetrazzini. So, before Mr. FixIt got home, I put some of the frozen turkey from Thanksgiving in a pot with a little water and simmered it till I could shred the meat with a fork. In an electric skillet, I sautéed half an onion, some sliced mushrooms and celery in a little butter. I added a drained can of mixed veggies. When the turkey was shredded, I tossed it in the skillet with about a pint of the drippings from the pan I roasted the turkey in. While that simmered, I cooked some egg noodles. I mixed up some flour in some of the broth and thickened the turkey mixture, stirred in a cup of sour cream, and brought it just to a simmer then added the drained cooked noodles. Topped with a little shredded Parmesan and…voila! Turkey Tetrawhatzit! Comfort food at it’s best…and it made me think of my daughter. Mr. FixIt said…”Send her a picture!” I did…then called her so she could “join us for dinner!”

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It was a lovely day…peaceful, comforting, homey, warm with a big dash of “I Love You!” ❤️

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“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”\n

Psalms 23:6 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-18T02:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/18/say-i-love-you-with.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Humbled","Art"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/17/forgiveness-equals-freedom.html", "title": "Forgiveness Equals Freedom", "content_html": "

\"Meme\" “Forgiveness=Freedom”

\n

I’m not sure what I expected when I became a Christian in 2004. Lightning? The parting of the sea? Enlightenment? Thunder? I do know what I received was life altering. I received a healing to my very core. I felt like every cell in my body had been made new. It was remarkable. 

\n

When I was a baby Christian, I was like a sponge. I knew God, and loved Him. I knew Jesus, and finally embraced Him. But, when it came to the Holy Spirit, I was clueless. I had no idea exactly who He was, how He worked, what His function was. As the years have gone by, I’ve learned more and more and have developed my relationship with the Holy Trinity. And once in a while I get a big A-Ha moment that shines a light on some aspect I didn’t understand before.

\n

I’ve long known and understood when the Holy Spirit talks to me. Those “nudges” that move and steer me in a certain direction are an indication of His presence. When I worship or hear a particularly moving sermon or scripture and I get goose bumps…that’s the Holy Spirit. All those years when I felt a knock on the door of my heart to let Jesus into my life? That was the Holy Spirit. I get all that now. And sometimes when I call out to Him and get the answer in moments, it reiterates just how close the Holy Spirit is….He lives inside us. He is that aspect of God that touches our hearts and minds with an intimacy only God can provide. I had that experience this weekend.

\n

We had lunch with some of the local residents who live near the farm. Over lunch, my elderly aunt became a topic of discussion and I recounted how difficult that time had been. Then at church yesterday, Pastor Justin spoke on forgiveness. True forgiveness breaks the chains that are holding you prisoner. I thought back to my conversation of the day before and realized, I still had a spirit of unforgiveness as I was holding some resentment and hurt in my heart over some of the things my aunt said and did while I was trying to help her. In retrospect, I was quite filled with “You have no idea what she put me through!” That resentment, however small, is the poison I keep drinking yet she is totally unharmed.

\n

At the end of services, Pastor Justin did an alter call and asked those to come forward who wished to let go of resentments and hurts and embrace a spirit of forgiveness. He came to each of us and laid his hands on our heads and prayed over us. I left feeling completely changed…yet again.

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Do you have someone you are harboring a spirit of unforgiveness for? Is there someone who has hurt you that has left you saying, “I’ll show you!”? If so, this is a beautiful time to just let it go. Pray for those who have hurt you. Seek ways to praise them in public for the blessings they have given you…even if that blessing is the insight you gained from their unkindness. And, this is the season of giving. Send them a card. Stick a $5 gift card for coffee or to a restaurant. Tell them, “You know, I just wanted to let you know what a blessing you have been this year.” Or “I know you’ve gone through a rough patch and I just wanted to reach out and tell you I’m thinking of you.” Forgiveness goes a long way toward uniting us. I’m not saying send a gift card to your abuser. Or even reaching out for conversation with someone who physically or emotionally abused you. But you can still pray for them. The spirit of forgiveness in you just might bring you a new level of peace and healing of your own. ❤️

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“bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”\n

Colossians 3:13 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-17T02:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/17/forgiveness-equals-freedom.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/11/kitchen-comforts.html", "title": "Kitchen Comforts", "content_html": "

\"Roses\" “Mr. FixIt brought me roses.”

\n

When I’m struggling with grief, a day in the kitchen does wonders for me. Mr. FixIt knew I hadn’t slept well the last couple of nights since learning the sad news of Miss Louisa passing away, so he was gracious and let me sleep in as long as I wanted to yesterday. I must say, when I awoke around 11:00, I did feel much better. I padded into the kitchen to make my coffee and greet my sweet man in the family room…steaming mug in hand.

\n

I snuggled into the loveseat and wrapped my blue fox blanket around me. The Christmas tree was decorated and standing to my left in front of the big picture windows. The gas stove was cranked up and putting off some decent heat. The heavy frost still laid white on the grass and trees in my view. And, amazingly, the forsythia had several bright yellow blooms on them casting a stark contrast to the grey palette of December.

\n

I sipped my coffee while Mr. FixIt read the paper. The TV droned quietly in the background…some fourteen year old was answering questions on a game show. I tuned it out as I stared at the decorations on the tree and took inventory of my feelings. The pain I felt when I heard the news of yet another loss was easing a little and shifting to the lonesomeness of not being able to pick up the phone and call whenever I want. It is familiar turf for me.

\n

After a while, I sighed and went into the bedroom to dress. Mr. FixIt put on his insulated coveralls and went outside to work a while. I carried my second cup to the living room and sat down to knit on a pair of socks. I texted my friend Gail who is touring Europe to see how she is doing. My friend Janine sent me a text to remind me she was going live at 3:00CST. I put my phone away and turned Pandora to “Traditional Christmas.” I spent the next hour or so in quiet meditation, my hands wrapping the wool yarn around the needles with the muscle memory of a skill I learned in my youth.

\n

I decided to mix up a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies and was pulling the last batch from the oven as Mr. FixIt came in from the cold. I turned on the kettle and he had a nice cup of tea as he ate a cookie, still warm from the oven. He watched me move around the kitchen, cleaning up the bowls and baking pans. I sensed his eyes on me. This is the relationship we delight in. I looked up from wiping the counter and he smiled.

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“You treat me so well.”

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I smiled back. A knowing smile. An appreciative smile. This is the part of him that is like Mr. Virgo. He loves and appreciates me and is quick to tell me. I love that. 

\n

“I like spoiling you,” I grinned. He laughed, gave me a little pat as he tucked his mug in the kitchen sink. He pulled up his coveralls and went back outside. I watched him as he walked out the door. How can a coverall make a man look that sexy? I smiled as I tucked the towel in the door handle of the oven and turned out the light. I had another hour to knit before I started supper.

\n

When I was at the farm the other night, I brought home a pot roast from the freezer. When it was thawed, I cut it in cubes. I put about a cup of flour in a gallon ziplock bag with some salt and pepper and dropped in the cubed roast. I tossed the meat in the flour, rubbing the pieces through the bag to ensure they were well coated then dropped them into a hot skillet with a little oil in it. When the meat had been seared on all sides, I removed it and put it in my electric pressure cooker. I put in a can of beef broth and a can of water, replaced the lid and pressure cooked the roast for 55 minutes. Once it was finished, I let it cool for about twenty minutes without releasing the pressure. I released the pressure carefully and removed the lid. The meat bubbled in a nice thickened gravy and smelled divine. I poured the meat and gravy out into a large storage container and set it on the counter. When it was cool enough, I popped it in the fridge to be used during the week for meals and sandwiches.

\n

Yesterday, I cooked up half a bag of egg noodles. I took out half the meat and gravy and placed it in a saucepan on low heat to warm up. I sautéed a whole package of sliced mushrooms in two tablespoons of butter. Everything was ready at the same time so I drained the pasta, and put it back in the pan, poured the beef and gravy in with the sautéed mushrooms and added 3/4 cup of sour cream. I gave it a quick stir and called Mr. FixIt to the table for supper.

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A day like that is soothing to the spirit. It reminded me that, while I miss those I have lost, I have skills in place that I did not have when I lost Mr. Virgo. It is not lost on me that I have the added blessing of this sweet man to be my companion and helpmate to love and support me as I navigate the losses. I kind of feel like I’m cheating…I don’t have to grieve alone like I did when I became a widow. That kind of grief is so much harder than this. I am grateful. ❤️

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“‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.””\n

Revelation 21:4 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-11T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/11/kitchen-comforts.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/09/my-other-mother.html", "title": "My “Other Mother”", "content_html": "

\"Beautiful “My beautiful “Other Mother”, Louisa.”

\n

Most of the time, when you talk about your “Other Mother”, it’s the mom of your best friend from high school. My mom was my sister/friend’s “Other Mother”. They were tight, especially after I married and moved to England. They would go to the beach together and have a grand time. I was thrilled they enjoyed that relationship since I didn’t live near my mom.

\n

God brought me my “Other Mother” when I needed her the most. Louisa and her husband, John, walked into my needlework shop in 2003, the year before my own mother passed away. He knew I was going to need a good woman friend to mother me through that loss. Louisa and John had moved to the Western Slope of Colorado after he retired a few years before. She wanted to learn to do something with her hands. She had a needlepoint kit hanging around and wanted me to teach her. Her vision was slowly deteriorating from Macular Degeneration so she needed something that didn’t involve terribly fine work. 

\n

I scheduled an hour to sit with Louisa. That day, as we were gathering our work together, I asked her what her husband had done for a living. She said he was an Internal Medicine physician. Hmmmm. That’s what Hubby #2 did. We had been separated for three years by this point.

\n

“How was that for YOU?” I asked.

\n

The ensuing conversation put all thoughts of needlepoint out of our minds and we proceeded to share our stories. Our paths were remarkably similar. We both had suffered from a clinical depression. Her marriage survived that. Mine did not. We bonded that day and became incredibly close.

\n

When Mr. Virgo and I decided to get married, I asked Louisa and John to stand in as my “parents” at the wedding. They were so thrilled to do so. I’ll never forget when Louisa toasted us and shared how honored she and John were to be included in such a way. 

\n

When I moved home to West Virginia, Louisa and I remained close and spoke often on the phone. Every time I went to Colorado for a visit, we spend some quality time together…sometimes I even stayed at their house. We visited last summer when I was home and I noticed right away there had been a rapid deterioration in both John and Louisa. John’s mind was rapidly slipping away to dementia. Louisa’s COPD was taking it’s toll. She was always impeccably dressed when you went to visit. This time, she was seated in her ladie’s wing-backed chair in her dressing gown, her lovely hair slight disheveled in wisps around her face.

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She was still her sharp-witted self, but I could see she was weary. We didn’t visit for too long. Her son had been staying with them for a bit to help out. We parted with promised to talk often. 

\n

The summer was eaten up with medical visits and soon it was fall before we spoke again. She was trying to be a good soldier, but I could tell how weary she was. We spoke in October when I shared Mr. FixIt and I were soon getting married. She was thrilled. She met him the summer before and loved him. However, she was a proper, old-school, Southern Belle from Owensboro, Kentucky and she did not like us living together without being married.

\n

I was going to call her last week but one thing and another came up. Finally, this past Monday, I got this urgent “nudge” to call her so I listened. 

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The first thing she said was, “So, are you married yet????” She was in hospice care now. 

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“Yes, ma’am. We got married on the 13th of October.” 

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“Ok, good. You know I didn’t like that!” She gently scolded.

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“Yes, my dear…I know.”

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She told me her granddaughter was being married next month and she just wanted to live till that happened. Our sweet Miss Louisa went home to God late that evening. I was so glad I had listened to that still small voice that said, “Call Louisa.”

\n

I didn’t find out till a mutual friend texted me yesterday. I was crushed, as you are in the first few moments after hearing of such a loss. After I had a good cry, I thought of my Miss Louisa sitting down to “tea”…her vernacular for a good stiff cocktail. Maybe she’s sitting with Mr. Virgo and my mom…enjoying a lovely visit…talking about me and shaking their heads at stories of my misadventures. Whatever she is doing, I know I will sit with her again some sunny day. But, my oh my…this has been a difficult couple of months. I want my loved ones to stop dying now, thank you very much. Cumulative grief is a very real phenomenon. You can read more about it through the link below. ?

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https://whatsyourgrief.com/cumulative-grief-aka-grief-overload/

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“We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.”\n

2 Corinthians 5:8 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-09T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/09/my-other-mother.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Love","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/07/finding-a-friend.html", "title": "Finding a Friend", "content_html": "

\"Two “I met one of my readers last night for dinner when she came through town! So nice to meet you, Jo!”

\n

I often receive private messages from readers with comments, suggestions, questions, and sometimes seeking a little extra love and support if they are going through something particularly tough. This was the case when I heard from Jo. Her husband had been recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Like me, she knew she needed to put something joyful in front of her to get through what she knew was coming. She was experiencing anticipatory grief.

\n

Jo was intrigued by my camping escapades and how I used my little camper travels to help me navigate grief. She joined Sisters on the Fly and borrowed a Class C RV from a friend. While her husband was still well enough to go, she took him camping. They enjoyed that trip, but her husband made her promise not to buy that particular RV. It was older, and he knew repairs would be coming soon. He didn’t want her getting stranded somewhere or to be saddled with extra expenses so she promised.

\n

We talked about getting together in the spring, then spring turned to summer and Jo’s husband continued to worsen. Then, after 45 years of marriage and countless sessions of chemo and radiation, her sweet husband passed peacefully, November 17th, surrounded by his loving family at home. A wake was held in Virginia last weekend and Jo made arrangements to have a second wake in Indiana with her eight siblings and their families this coming weekend.

\n

While she could have flown to Indiana, Jo decided to drive, much to the dismay of her family. Not a week as a widow and she was already being told “You’re too old!” “You can’t do that alone!” Luckily, this tiny woman with the spiky white hair is feisty and put the kibosh on that. She informed them that, not only was she going to drive to Indiana…alone…she was going to start looking for an RV. They were aghast! She had another reason for wanting to drive. She knew she would be traveling through West Virginia and she wanted to meet me.

\n

Jo contacted me early this week and told me she would be heading through my area Wednesday and she wanted to take me to dinner. I jumped at the chance. We met at Texas Roadhouse and talked for FOUR hours! We talked with the ease you feel when you have a lot in common with someone. We told stories, asked questions, and laughed the evening away. One particular story tugged at my heart strings and made tears sting my eyes.

\n

When her husband was so ill, Jo’s friends and family kept asking what they could do to help. There were far too many casseroles and plates of cookies already so she decided to start “The Toothbrush Crusade”. You see, even though they had owned and operated a Christian school together for the last twenty years, Jo’s husband was not a believer. So, she asked everyone to pray for her husband’s salvation while they were brushing their teeth. That was around two minutes, at least twice per day that people would be praying for him. I’d love to say her husband was struck by the Holy Spirit and proclaimed his faith before he died, but that isn’t the case. He did tell her he would believe “for her”, but we know that isn’t how it works. 

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We do not know what goes through the mind in the moments before death. I reassured Jo that, even though we believe, we do not know the mind of God and we are not telepathic. People’s faith is personal and between them and God. She had done everything she could to bring him to Christ. She understands now she has to just wait till she gets there and finds out for herself. My hope is that, in those final moments, he saw a fork in the road and made a choice to move towards the light.

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As the evening drew to a close and we ate the last of the dessert we split between us, we proclaimed ourselves as friends for life. Jo and I posed for the obligatory photo to commemorate the occasion, gave a good long hug, and went our separate ways till we meet again. I so enjoyed our time together. The last thing Jo said when she turned to leave was, “Keep doing what you’re doing…you have no idea how much you are helping people.” I quickly replied, “I’m just the transcriptionist. It’s all God’s doing!”

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As I got in my truck to head home to Mr. FixIt, I said…”Lord, I always ask you to bring me the words to write and the people on the other side of the screen who need to read them. Thank you, Lord, for showing me they are there.” ❤️

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““Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.” “Which ones?” he inquired. Jesus replied, “ ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,’ and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’ ””\n

Matthew 19:17-19 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2018-12-07T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/07/finding-a-friend.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Sisters on the Fly","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","Humbled","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/05/the-secret-to-a-good.html", "title": "The Secret to a Good Relationship", "content_html": "

\"\" “As you grow closer to God, you can’t help but grow closer to each other.”

\n

A young man I barely know came up to me at church the other day. He knew Mr. FixIt and I had just been married. He was quite interested in knowing the secret to a good relationship. He wanted to know how you KNOW you have the right person. 

\n

One might not think I know the answers to those questions, given I just entered my fourth marriage. That sounds awful, doesn’t it? Like maybe I don’t know what I’m doing. And, I suppose if you ask my two ex-husbands, they might agree with you. I would counter with a statement: I learned with the loss of each relationship. I learned to examine my own behaviors and contributions, or rather…lack of contribution…in each relationship. I learned about what I DIDN’T want in a relationship. 

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It doesn’t really benefit you to approach a new relationship with a look backward at what you didn’t like before. It does benefit you to look forward with an attitude of “How can I be the best spouse I can be without losing myself here?” I smiled at the young man and said…”I have the answer for you!”

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He looked at me in surprise and payed very close attention.

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I held up my hands, fingers and thumbs pressed together forming a triangle.

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“Do you see this? This is your relationship. You are here. Your spouse is here.” I pointed to the base of either thumb.

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I held up my left hand and said, “See? If you have God in your life, you work towards a good relationship with Him. You not only raise yourself up, but you move forward. The same goes with your spouse.” I held up my right hand to demonstrate.

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“When you are married, and you put God first in your relationship, you each raise yourselves higher, but what happens to you individually?”

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The young man broke into a huge grin. “You get closer to each other!”

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“Yes! That’s exactly right! Do you see how simple that is? There’s no real secret here. Just keep God as the primary focus of your marriage, be the very best partner you can be, try to outlove each other, and He will take care of the rest. It’s nothing more than faith and physics!”

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I gave the young man a pat on the back and headed on in to find Mr. FixIt and take my seat beside him as we put God first…this day and all days. ❤️

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“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”\n

Proverbs 18:22 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-05T02:30:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/05/the-secret-to-a-good.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/27/its-beginning-to-look-a.html", "title": "It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas", "content_html": "

\"Vintage “My favorite ornament from childhood.”

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I heard a mother comforting her child once. The little one was crying about something that had happened earlier. The mother said, “Oh…are you remembering how you were sad earlier?” I loved that. She wasn’t dismissing the child’s feelings and at the same time, she was teaching her “It’s not happening to you now. It’s just a memory.”

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As we were decorating the tree yesterday, I was hanging the special ornaments Mr. Virgo and I purchased together. I felt a melancholy come over me. And, as this is what I do, I examined the feelings and let myself feel them. Then I remembered the mother comforting her child and I smiled. The melancholy I felt wasn’t sadness in the moment. It was holding the items we cherished and remembering how sad that first Christmas was after he died.

\n

Grief is quicksilver. It rolls around and shape shifts through time. And, once you get to a certain point, the weight shifts forward. It doesn’t drag you back so hard. When I first started to notice that pattern shift, I didn’t trust it. I’d had far too many instances of stepping on the rake in the tall grass. Once I experienced this new space where grief stays put…at least most of the time…I could start living again and looking forward.

\n

This ornament was my favorite as a little girl. I have several of my mom’s ornaments and I think of the little house on the corner where we lived. I think of the farmhouse where we spent Christmas morning with my grandparents just once or twice that I can remember. We’ll go out to the farm this week and decorate and stay a few days, I think. I don’t dread Christmas anymore. I never understood my great grandfather when he would say, “It’ll stop hurting when the pain goes away.” I always thought that was just a silly thing he said. But, in the context of grief, it makes perfect sense. It DOES stop hurting when the pain goes away. ❤️

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“...The minute I said, “I’m slipping, I’m falling,” your love, GOD, took hold and held me fast. When I was upset and beside myself, you calmed me down and cheered me up.”\n

Psalm 94:16-19 MSG

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2018-11-27T02:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/27/its-beginning-to-look-a.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/21/is-empathy-gone-for-good.html", "title": "Is Empathy Gone for Good?", "content_html": "

\"Weeping “ER Doctor Weeps After Losing 19-year-old Fire Victim”

\n

We have a problem. Ok, we have LOTS of problems, but one of the biggest is a cultural shift away from empathy and respect for human life. I have long held that violence on TV and in movies, as well as video games, has been breeding the art of human kindness right out of the hearts and minds of mankind. And I don’t see it getting any better anytime soon if things stay on the current course.

\n

This photo shows an ER physician in California taking a moment to regain his composure after losing a 19-year old girl. I was married to a doctor. Showing emotion in your interaction with patients is considered highly unprofessional so it’s trained right out of them. It touches my heart to see this image because I understand him. 

\n

The other day, I was browsing through my Facebook feed when I saw a video of Barack Obama surprising his wife at one of her book signings. Politics aside, it brought me to tears. Not the act itself, although it was quite special to see a man love his wife so openly. No, what made me cry was the comparison of civility we enjoyed two years ago as compared to what we experience today. I was just “waking up” after three years of foggy grief brain and what I experienced personally was heart wrenching. (I’m not going to step into a political dogfight here…just expressing dismay at so much derision in the world.) I had a flash of what an oppressed people might feel when they no longer enjoy the feelings of safety and freedom they experienced before. It was simultaneously frightening and sad. 

\n

You cannot raise a generation of human beings on autopilot, plugging them into electronics, filling their eyes and minds with graphic violence and expect them to come out a well-adjusted, empathetic society. You can’t give them more and more realistic depictions of murder and mayhem with rewards for killing the most and expect healthy minds as a result. Combine this issue with easily accessible drugs and weapons and you have a recipe for the disaster we find ourselves in currently. 

\n

Do all people who watch graphic programming and play violent video games become mass killers? Of course not. But it does cause a deterioration of the moral fabric in this country. I know this problem didn’t start with this President. I’m not saying he is to blame. That would be naive and doesn’t look at the whole picture. 

\n

What we have in this country is heart disease. I’m not talking cardiac. It doesn’t come from a single source, either. It’s a multifaceted issue stemming from a systematic numbing of the mind. It’s complicated. God. Discipline. Respect. Honor. Work ethic. Inequality. Imbalance of power. Lack of checks and balances. Broken homes. Latch key kids. Low teacher pay. Family values. 

\n

I long for people to love each other the way Jesus loves us. And, as long as we hide Him in a closet, it’s never going to happen. So, I do my part as best I can. I shine His light out into the world every day. I pray He expands my territory so that I can shine that light even further. 

\n

I pray for this broken world and its broken people. And I look for the helpers. For the ground breakers. The outreachers. The radical lovers. The peace warriors. The light shiners. And the tearful physicians who aren’t afraid to show their emotions. There is always and forever hope for a brighter tomorrow. ❤️

\n
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  \n

Ephesians 4:29-32 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2018-11-21T02:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/21/is-empathy-gone-for-good.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Grace","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/20/driving-down-the-road.html", "title": "Driving Down the Road", "content_html": "

\"Country “Country roads…take me home!”

\n

Remember this summer when I shared the pictures of how terrible the road was out to the farm? The compressor station back behind the farm is finished. No more heavy trucks hauling super heavy loads out the road and back. It was a long year. They started building the road out to the station site this time last year.

\n

The road had gotten so bad I was really afraid I was going to blow a tire or break an axle or, at the very least, knock my truck out of alignment. I just had to drive really slow and try to dodge the worst parts or come to a complete stop if there was oncoming traffic.

\n

I was told by multiple sources that our road would not be fixed until the routine paving time came up on the schedule. I was also told the county did not negotiate road repairs into the contract with the company building the compressor station. Essentially, I figured good, hard working, lower income West Virginians would get screwed again.

\n

In late summer, a local company came in and cut out large rectangles of mangled asphalt and rebuilt the base. But, they didn’t put anything on top so it was no time before these big rocky rectangles became just as bad as the road was before. Pretty soon, someone else came in and blacktopped over those messy rocky rectangles and I thought, “Good! At least there aren’t deep holes anymore. I can live with this.”

\n

While we were gone on our honeymoon, my cousin’s wife, Charlotte called to give me an update on the kitties. Then she said, “Wait till you see what they’re doing to the road! You won’t believe it!” I rolled my eyes. What now? “They’re paving it!!!”

\n

Sure enough, each time I’ve gone out since the wedding, a little more and a little more was blacktopped and things were finally improving. I went out yesterday and they are not only finished…the lines have been painted and a very nice shoulder has been laid down. If I could have done a jig, I would have…but I was driving.

\n

I didn’t have to yell and scream at a meeting. I didn’t get upset other than grumble under my breath and complain to you all a little bit. I didn’t have to write letters or threaten law suits. I just talked to God whenever I drove over that wretched road and said, “Lord, please place it on the hearts of the people responsible for making this mess to come back here and make it right. This isn’t fair to all these people out this little old road. They work hard and most of them don’t have much. Please make this right.” I have no idea who actually ended up getting this job done, but I am grateful for a good, solid road going out to the farm now. 

\n

Prayer works. Even in the most ordinary things. ❤️

\n
“The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.”  Ecclesiastes 7:8-9 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-11-20T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/20/driving-down-the-road.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/19/loving-what-is.html", "title": "Loving What Is", "content_html": "

\"Woman “Snapchat filters make me see the beautiful woman inside. The mirror makes me see the beautiful Child of God that I am on the outside!”

\n

I love my grandkids. I don’t get to see them and interact with them enough. Big is 14. Little is 11. Both are at the age where their interests lie elsewhere. Still, Little and I engage in bouts of “Let’s top each other in Snapchat.” She always wins. She does the cute and funky filters that twist your face up or adds bunny ears and whiskers. I go for glamour shots that take away my wrinkles and gives me the face of a super model. Vain? Not really. More like seeing the woman I feel like.

\n

I’m sixty-five. Even in my primest of prime years, I was never super model material, but I could turn a head or two. I still can, if truth be told. Just ask my new, still-smitten husband. He thinks I’m the most beautiful woman on the planet! And, when I bask in his love-light, I feel even MORE beautiful. Isn’t that lovely?

\n

When I look in the mirror and I see the wrinkles, the graying hair, the sagging skin, the cellulite I realize I am not looking at myself correctly. I am listening to the enemy whisper…”You’ll never be enough.” Instead…I change my focus. And you know how I do that? I listen to Jesus.

\n

Here’s what Jesus tells me.

\n

“You are altogether beautiful, my darling: there is no flaw in you.” (Sol. 4:7)

\n

“You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’S hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.” (Is. 62:3)

\n

“Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.” (Ps. 34:5)

\n

“For we are God’s masterpiece…” (Eph. 2:10)

\n

“…Created to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Eph. 2:10)

\n

“Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” (Lu. 1:45)

\n

“God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.” (Ps. 46:5)

\n

“She is worth far more than rubies.” (Prov.31:10)

\n

“But by the grace of God I am what I am.” (1 Cor. 15:10)

\n

“See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands…” (Is. 49:16)

\n

This is your time. God is within you. You are inscribed on His hands. Did you hear that?  On his HANDS! He will fulfill his promises to you. You do your part…believe. Leave the rest up to God. Do you seriously believe the Almighty who created the stars in the sky does not count the hairs on your head? You are precious in His sight. Really.

\n

Now, go out there and hold your head up high on this Monday morning. Smile at that person in the mirror. Need I remind you that you are a beautiful, perfectly imperfect image of God? You are loved. You are cherished. You are coveted. You are protected. You are awesome. There is ONLY ONE YOU. 

\n

I know. You may not be feeling it. You may be going through some pretty tough times right now. You may feel discouraged. You may be facing a crisis. You may be battling demons. You may be in the dark throes of grief. God has put it on my heart there is someone out there I need to tell this to so listen carefully. This is not the end of your road. He has a purpose for you that you haven’t even imagined yet. Don’t quit. You cannot fail as long as you do not quit. That miracle might just happen in the next five minutes, so stick with us here. Reach for Jesus’ hand. He will never, ever turn his back on you. He will never leave you. He will never cut you down or say mean, hurtful things to you. He will never make you feel small. He will never make you feel “less than”. He will meet you right where you are and love the stuffin’s out of you. Trust me on this.

\n

You are a child of God. ❤️

\n
“...And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-11-19T02:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/19/loving-what-is.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/15/the-art-of-giving.html", "title": "The Art of Giving", "content_html": "

\"Shopping\" “Shopping for warm blankets with my small group.”

\n

I love this time of year. However, the first Christmas after Mr. Virgo died, I was so incredibly lost. I went to Denver to be with my family because I couldn’t bear to be alone. I think that’s pretty common among those who have lost a spouse.

\n

The holidays were so special to my late husband. He lived for Christmas especially. He planned all year. He paid attention to what I needed or wanted and he was incredibly generous with gifts…too much so, really. But it gave him such joy to see the look on my face when I opened something from him. He just wanted to keep seeing that look.

\n

That first lonely Christmas, one of the layers of the onion peeled back and revealed my days of receiving his well thought out gifts were over and it was just another beautiful thing torn from my life. I was bereft. I wanted something special from him, and since that was impossible, I decided to do something special for me. 

\n

I was driving down a busy Denver street the week before Christmas when I felt the gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit.

\n

“There…go there.” 

\n

I looked to the right and it was Walmart. I dutifully turned in and parked. As I was walking in, I heard….

\n

“Pay it forward.”

\n

I went to the layaway desk and inquired how I could pay off someone’s layaway. Unfortunately, they had called in the layaways the week before so whatever hadn’t been paid for was returned to the shelves. Not to be deterred, I went to the ATM, withdrew some money, bought a card, and sat down to write a note in it. I told the recipient about this gentle man who loved Christmas and the joy of giving. I told whoever was going to receive this that I was giving them what he would have given me. Then I sat down on the bench at the front of the store and waited for the next instructions.

\n

“Go back there. To the left…you’ll find them there.”

\n

I headed for the back left and found the toy department. I wandered around and saw several shoppers but none stood out. I went around the corner of an aisle and there they were. A young mom and dad. They pulled a toy from the shelf, looking hopeful. Then they looked for the price, looked at each other, looked defeated, and put it back. They did this several times as they moved slowly down the aisle. There was very little in their cart.

\n

I roamed back and forth, acting like I was very interested in something, but all the while trying to listen without being too obvious. What I wanted was for the woman to wander away from her bag for a moment so I could slip the envelope in and be on my way with the young couple none the wiser. She was a smart girl…she never left her bag for a moment. Finally, I decided I just had to move forward or I was going to look like a crazy stalker.

\n

I walked up to the woman and said, “Here. I think this is yours.” I handed her the envelope with the bills stuffed inside. She was puzzled. She looked up from the envelope and our eyes met. I smiled warmly, pulled her to me in a mom hug, and whispered, “Merry Christmas.” Then, before she could let it register, I turned on my heel and walked away straight out of the store, without looking back.

\n

I got to the car and my knees were shaking. I would have loved to have seen her face. But then she would have wanted to thank me or maybe even refuse the gift. Neither of which I wanted. I put the car in gear and headed to meet my family knowing I had shared something special with someone who needed it. I remember when I was a poor, single mom…trying to do the best for my own little one with very, very little resources. It felt good to give.

\n

The church I attend is huge, so in order to have that sense of a “church family”, we have small groups that meet for several weeks per session. The group I belong to has such amazing, strong Christian women. We are in a chat group and we offer prayers and support to each other as we share and learn and grow in the Lord. 

\n

This year, our Pastor challenged the groups to find a service project and complete it by the end of the session. We couldn’t decide on just one so we supported two. The Women’s Care Center and the Mission for the homeless. Last night we met at a discount store in town and loaded three shopping carts full to overflowing. We bought children’s clothes, long john’s, hats, and 20 blankets and wheeled our purchases to the foyer. There, we stood around the carts and placed our hands on the bounty and prayed…out loud, in the store, in front of God and everybody. We asked for God to bless these items that they would doubly warm the recipients. We asked that they feel God’s love for them when they wrap themselves in the blankets. Then we headed for the mission.

\n

\"Bags “The bounty!”

\n

When we came in, laden with bag after bag of stuff, the man behind the desk said, “What have we here?”

\n

“Blankets! From The Warehouse Church!!!” We said, in unison.

\n

“Oh, my gosh…that’s exactly what we needed. I ran out of blankets this evening!”

\n

I smiled. I kinda felt Mr. Virgo grinning…poking me in the ribs.

\n

“See, babydoll! That’s what I’m talkin’ about. It’s better to give than to receive. Giving is an art form.”

\n

Yes…I do love this time of year. ❤️

\n
“Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: “They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.””  2 Corinthians 9:7-9 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-11-15T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/15/the-art-of-giving.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/09/remaining-hopeful-in-a-hopeless.html", "title": "Remaining Hopeful in a Hopeless World", "content_html": "

\"News “When the news is on fire, how do you stay hopeful?”

\n

We awoke yesterday to the news of yet another mass shooting. We are only three days out from another season of hateful politics. Glaciers are melting and species are disappearing. Computers can generate images that are easily passed off as truth. China just released the first AI news anchor. There will come a time when we won’t be able to tell what’s real and what isn’t. There’s so much death and destruction, murder and mayhem, and just pure evil in this world. How do you remain hopeful in a world like this?

\n

I was reading some comments yesterday on a news post. One after another, people expressed hopelessness. I just read that a college student was supposed to go to the place in Thousand Oaks but she had homework. As a child, she went to a school in Colorado where a gunman broke in, took hostages, and eventually killed a girl then himself. She asked her mother why death followed her so much. There were people at the dance hall who had been at the concert in Vegas that was attacked. How on earth do you remain hopeful in circumstances like this?

\n

Compound all this with grief and it is SO easy to become hopeless. To succumb to sadness and depression. I mean, here I am…the perennial cheerleader…the veritable Pollyanna, as Mr. Virgo called me. I’m weary of all this negativity. It’s beyond negative. It’s evil. 

\n

I can’t just stick my head in the sand. I can’t stick my fingers in my ears and yell “LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” I can’t cover my eyes and pretend I don’t see what’s going on. That isn’t productive. It isn’t healthy. And it’s not realistic. Granted, I don’t watch TV so one might say I am practicing avoidance. I say I’m being selective. I choose my media outlet based on who I feel gives the most fair and unbiased news reporting. I cross check sources and references. I Google things I am skeptical about. I practice critical thinking. En masse. It’s tedious. It’s time consuming. But it’s the only way I can keep my senses from being barraged and eventually overwhelmed. 

\n

I look at the world through the lens of my faith. I am a Christian. And I am a Liberal Democrat. I have not looked up the statistics, but I am sure I am in the minority…looked at distrustfully by both sides. And therein lies the problem. Sides. Division. US against THEM. Divisiveness is encouraged. Chaos is a smokescreen. The enemy is very, very busy now.

\n

When I find myself feeling mired down by all the hatred in the world, I remind myself…I’ve read the Book. I know how this story ends. The light prevails over darkness. Faith, hope, and love. God tells us love is everything. It is behind every commandment. We are to love God with every ounce of strength we have. And, we are to love our fellow man as we love ourselves. 

\n

The enemy whispers doubts and delusions. Yes. There are evil things happening. Yes, there is darkness all around. But, I can put light out there. I can find ways to bring God’s light into the world. I can carry the love of Jesus in my heart and let Him shine through my thoughts and actions. And if I can do that, others can do that. The enemy wants me to believe I am the only one trying to make the world a better place. He says things like, “Why are you even bothering?” He is whispering lies meant to break me, to discourage me. But I won’t be discouraged. I’ll WALK STRONG as long as there is a breath in me. I will always look up. I will seek God’s face. I will ask for his comfort and guidance. I will pray for discernment to show me what is true and what is not. But most of all, I will trust Him. Because of His promises to me. He has never, EVER failed me. And that, my friends, is how I remain hopeful in this fallen world. ❤️

\n
“If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.”  Proverbs 25:21-22 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-11-09T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/09/remaining-hopeful-in-a-hopeless.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/07/election-day-and-the-bbc.html", "title": "Election Day and The BBC", "content_html": "
\n

\"Autumn “The colors at the farm were amazing!”

\n

Election Day

\nUnless you’ve been living under a rock somewhere, you all know yesterday was Election Day. Which makes today the best day of the year...no more political ads for the next 12-18 months. There is something to be said for NOT watching television!\n

I left after breakfast to head to the polling place. When I got there, the digital system to sign attesting your eligibility to vote was not functioning properly. It would not take my signature. We fiddled with it for over fifteen minutes till the gentleman finally held the connecting wire in exactly the right position. Once it accepted my signature, I turned and faced a sea of faces. Apparently, I was not the first to have difficulty signing in. There must have been 30 people sitting around waiting for their turn at the computer screen to vote.

\n

\"Farmhouse “I love this little red farmhouse and how it looks in the fall colors.”

\n

“Good ol’ Days”

\nThe woman in front of me remarked on the “good ol’ days” when she worked the polling place, she pushed for modernization. Now? Not so much. Colorado has a 100% mail-in ballot system. They said the costs of elections have gone down tremendously, the number of voters participating has got up, and the threat of election manipulation is zilch. They should do that everywhere and forget the electronic system which can be hacked by a ten-year-old in less than fifteen minutes. All was not lost, however. My neighbor came in a little bit after me and we had a wonderful time catching up.\n

Getting out to vote today had another distinct advantage. I got to meander about the countryside and enjoy the beautiful colors again. I loved watching the leaves rain down, filtering through the sunlight creating a dazzling display of red, gold, and yellow sparkles. Looking in the readies mirror, I could see the leaves kicked up by the truck and they spun around and around behind me.

\n

\"Camper “There is Joy…still under her tarp. I have to get her moved to the Ponderosa and try to get something done with her before it gets too cold.”

\n

Texts Can Offer BIG Surprises

\nAfter voting, I headed to the little town of Harrisville, home of Berdine’s Five & Dime where I purchased a few ounces of chocolate covered peanuts...my guilty pleasure. When I returned to the truck, I noticed a message had come in. Someone from BBC 5 Live radio was trying to reach me for an interview regarding coping after the loss of a spouse. It took well over an hour to connect because they were in England and I was in the boonies of Appalachia. I was asked some base questions and told the producers would contact me at 5:30pm. That gave me time to drive home to await their call.\n

\"Autumn “This looks like a painting, but it’s a photo I took on my way home from the farm last evening as the sun was setting.”

\n

Sure enough, the call came through. The producer connected me to the live line so I could hear the show as it progressed. The interviewer played a segment of an interview earlier in the day, then went live to the three of us being interviewed. Two men and myself. I truly enjoyed listening to their responses because I was amazed at how similar our experiences were. Our segment lasted about half an hour. I listened back and I think it went very well. You can listen to it here. Our segment begins a few seconds after 22:27. ❤️

\n

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0000zxg

\n

“Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.”  Psalm 126:5-6 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2018-11-07T02:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/07/election-day-and-the-bbc.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","West Virginia","Gratitude","Comfort","Peace","Humbled","Presence","Peaceful Moments","Be Joyful!","Press"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/22/be-a-way-maker.html", "title": "Be a Way Maker", "content_html": "

\"Turquoise “These boots are made to make a way.”

\n

My new husband and I laughed when the name of yesterday’s sermon flashed on the large screen behind Pastor Justin. “The Honeymoon is Over!” Our knowing glance at each other said, “Oh, if he only knew!” 

\n

The pastor’s message was actually quite timely. The Warehouse Church was founded a little over three years ago with just 127 people. Here we are now with around 1500 people who attend regularly. The numbers fluctuate continually as some people leave and others come. 

\n

It’s just like any relationship. Those things that attracted you and caused great excitement early on eventually become irritating thorns in your side. You become critical of the very thing that brought you joy in the first place. The same can happen in a church. If you go to church to occupy a seat and be spoon fed a message, you are missing the message entirely. If you are there for the entertainment factor, you are missing a wonderful opportunity to be more Christ-like. 

\n

Jesus didn’t walk around pounding his message into people. He was there to make a way for others to reach God and experience salvation. He didn’t gather holy men around him to sing His praises. He gathered the misfits and misunderstood around him and challenged them to go out into the world and reach more, and more, and more. 

\n

I left the church at the ripe old age of seven because of a Bible-thumping preacher who screamed and jumped up and down trying to scare me into finding Jesus by promising Hell and eternal damnation. I actually came to be saved through a loving couple who made a way for me to walk in a relationship with Jesus. I was lured with love, not fear. 

\n

I want to be a Way Maker. I want to be that friend that invites you to find the same joy I have found in my salvation. I want to walk along side you so that some day you to might have this same relationship with a God who loves you and only wants to draw you near Him. Then, you may, come in, be saved, learn to serve, and go out and invite, and offer a hand, and invite someone in who might be saved and learn to serve, and who will go out and invite and offer a hand and…. 

\n

You get the picture? It’s love that changes lives. Not force-feeding and fear. Our church accepts you no matter where you are on your path. We don’t care what you look like, who you are, how you smell, what you are doing, how you are living, or where you’ve been. 

\n

You may feel there is no way for you. But God makes a way when there is no way. And He uses us to be His hands and feet on the ground. I’m here and I’m willing. These boots were made for walkin’ and I’ve got miles to go and people to meet. ❤️

\n

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”  Isaiah 43:19 NIV

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-22T01:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/22/be-a-way-maker.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","Grace","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/21/live-a-good-life.html", "title": "Live a Good Life", "content_html": "

\"Autumn “Live a Good Life”

\n

When we were decorating the tent for the wedding, I went around the house, the buildings, and the farm looking for decor I could use. There was so much more I could have put out there, but frankly, I realized we were just going to have to haul it all back into the house afterwards. I decided to just keep it simple. 

\n

I was standing in the kitchen giving some last minute directions to my wonderful friend, Charlotte, when I looked up above the kitchen sink and saw this sign. I took it down and handed it to Mr. FixIt and said, “This goes out by the front of the tent to greet our guests!” It’s our daily reminder to “Live a Good Life.”

\n

This has been the busiest, jam packed week we have had since we started dating. So much has happened, I’ve really just started processing it all. Aside from the changes that come with marriage, and the death of a dear family member, something else has been rattling around in my head wanting attention.

\n

It wasn’t so much what WAS there. It was more…what WASN’T there. Namely, that dogged undercurrent of grief that has simmered just beneath the surface of my life for the last 2,049 days. I know grief is not something you “get over”. I know it’s something you “get through”. It is something you learn to walk around without falling into that giant hole in your heart. It is something you learn to deal with in time. I honestly had no idea it would change with the commitment of another marriage. 

\n

It seems the act of marrying has caused a…shift in the force, so to speak. Maybe it’s the high of the wedding itself, but I don’t think so. Maybe it’s a gift from God for being obedient. Maybe it’s a natural progression of things when significant life changes occur. Maybe it’s just the Evolution of Grief. 

\n

When there are significant milestones in life, like your child’s wedding, or the birth of a grandchild, and your person isn’t there, it causes their death to come front and center. You think about how much he would have loved to see that. How much your son or daughter misses their dad. How your grandchild will never know that grandparent. It reminds you of an emptiness. 

\n

That was totally missing last weekend.

\n

Oh, I thought of Mr. Virgo that day. Of course I did. I even had a quiet moment before the wedding when I silently thanked him for having been in my life. However, I wouldn’t have been getting married that day if he were still alive. And, I love Mr. FixIt SO much. I can’t imagine my life without him. It wasn’t like I had to say to myself, “Don’t think of Mr. Virgo!” He just…wasn’t there.

\n

That kind of surprised me, actually. Because, like I said, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. It’s never occurred to me to ask other widows who have remarried how it affected their grief. So, like I’ve done from the beginning, I feel what I feel and I write about it. The feeling has persisted all week. Mr. Virgo is still here, but he’s standing much further away. Because…just as I stepped out the door to walk across the field and marry my sweet Mr. FixIt, I looked up and told Mr. Virgo…”Don’t worry about me now. I’ve got this!” ❤️

\n

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2018-10-21T01:30:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/21/live-a-good-life.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/19/a-beautiful-day.html", "title": "A Beautiful Day", "content_html": "

\"Wind “On our way home yesterday, I caught a glimpse of the wind turbines atop a ridge near Elkins. It was an incredibly beautiful day.”

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The last two days were perfectly beautiful in the mountains of West Virginia. We left home around 11:00am Wednesday and got to our motel room an hour before the viewing. We hadn’t eaten since early so we went looking for something to eat after the viewing. You have three choices in the little, tiny town of Petersburg…Subway, Pizza Hut, and McDonald’s. We drove fifteen miles to Moorefield, hoping for a restaurant but found nothing we were willing to try. We we ended up buying some sandwich fixings at Food Lion and had a picnic back at the room. 

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There was no cell service and no WiFi at the motel which was fine by me. I wrote and scheduled Wednesday’s and Thursday’s posts Tuesday night in anticipation of being off the grid. It was really chilly when we got back to the room so I took a hot bath, bundled up, and got under the blankets and caught up with a week’s worth of devotionals. There were four channels on the TV so we turned it off and fell sound asleep by 9:30! Unheard of for us. 

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The funeral was yesterday at 11:00am. It was a very nice service. They played some songs…Elvis singing Amazing Grace…One Day at a Time. And one other I’ll share with you here. 

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Theirs was a love story, through and through. My uncle told me the first time he set eyes on my aunt, he was smitten. There was a lot going on in 1956. My Uncle Sonny was killed in a plane crash in 1955. Not long after, my Aunt Rosie got married. So, Uncle Dudley and Aunt Viv decided to elope to Oakland, Maryland and get married…in the same place my grandma and grandpa eloped to. Well, when they came home and told everyone…let’s just say, grandma wasn’t very happy about it. She loved Aunt Viv. She just wanted a wedding. 

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That was the start of 62 years of devotion. I remember their love as being full of fun and laughter and playfulness. I sat behind him at the funeral and when they played this song, he bowed his head. His shoulders shook slightly from his silent tears. The only other time I remember him crying was when I called to tell him Mr. Virgo died. It broke my heart. 

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As they played “Love, Me” by Colin Raye, I listened to the lyrics and realized the song was about their love. And I cried along with him. For broken hearts. For lost loves. 

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The funeral procession wound its way through the hills and countryside till the terrain opened into an expansive valley. We turned left and climbed the hill to the tent that was erected over her grave. My uncle had just purchased these plots last week. They had decided over the years they really didn’t like the cemetery where they had purchased plots years ago but they just hadn’t gotten around to getting the new ones. Oh, my! The view was absolutely stunning. My aunt rests high on a hillside overlooking magnificent farmland. Black angus cattle dot the landscape in the verdant green fields. The hardwoods of the forests surrounding the valley were just beginning to hint of the glorious burst of color coming in the next two weeks. 

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Afterwards, we gathered at the fellowship hall at the church and had one of those wonderful meals country church women fix after a funeral. Hearty, comfort food and lots of love flowed around those tables and we left reminded we are family. Our bonds run as deep as the cool springs in these Appalachian hills. The blood of our shared ancestors keep us connected far beyond the pages of Facebook. We promised to keep in touch with those we seldom see. We promised to bring something special to this year’s Thanksgiving dinner. 

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Mr. FixIt and I drove quietly through the hills, holding hands…our minds no doubt remembering we aren’t newlyweds at 25 and 26. We are newlyweds at 65 and 66. Our time together won’t be 62 years…but what time we DO have will be filled with fun and laughter and playfulness…just like my aunt and uncle’s marriage. I’m grateful for their example. I’m grateful for the opportunity to love like them. I’m just grateful for every day.

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youtu.be/arzlGTw8v…

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❤️

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“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.”

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2 Timothy 2:15 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-19T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/19/a-beautiful-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/17/here-comes-the-bride.html", "title": "Here Comes the Bride", "content_html": "

\"Bride\" “One of my favorite moments…locking eyes with a fellow widow whom I mentored…knowing we BOTH have found our second-chance loves.”

\n

It all went so fast. Here we are, just a few days after the wedding and I don’t remember all the details. That happens to every bride, I think. You throw so much into the planning, and so many last minute details happen the day of the wedding. Friends and family came at 2:00 to help me get ready. The ceremony was at 4:00. The girls were still messing with my hair when I asked the time. 3:20! I still hadn’t put on make up or dressed!

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I don’t wear a lot of make up ordinarily…and when I do, it’s not much. Throwing that on was no big deal. I slipped on my boots and my new daughter and granddaughter helped me into my dress. In no time at all, I was ready. The music wasn’t. I told them I didn’t care…I’d walk out singing “Here Comes the Bride” if I had to…I was ready….REALLY ready!

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They helped me out to the tent…one carrying my train…the other hoping for the music to start. And, it did! Just as I got to the tent, I looked up and there was my sweet friend, Deneene. She was one of what looked like a whole sea of smiles and cell phones pointed at me. I looked at her with a knowing smile. You see, Deneene was referred to me when she was a relatively new widow herself. I was a couple of years ahead of her. I mentored her for the next couple of years. I was for her what I wished I’d had. Someone who had recently walked the path and could relate. Someone who could say this is perfectly normal. Someone to hold out a hand…not to pat it, but to offer a lift up. Then, Deneene met HER new love. And we walked this new territory together. She caught that knowing look in this picture. I think it is one of my favorites. Because I’m looking at another widow in love. I’m looking at my friend that helped me as much as I helped her. I’m looking at hope and joy and strength and perseverance and courage and reflecting it all back.

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We all are nothing more than the sum of our life experiences. I was ready to marry…every time I married. But I didn’t know then what I know now. Now I know what love is. I know how fragile life is. I know how to face the unimaginable and still live. I know how to live alone when it’s impossible to breathe. I know how rare it is to find someone so incredibly compatible. I know SO much more than I knew when I married Mr. Virgo. This man, this love, this marriage will reap the benefits of that knowledge and experience. I am so grateful to be where I am today. It is only through God’s grace and love that I found my way through the darkness. There may still be darkness ahead…but now there is hope. ❤️

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“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

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1 Peter 5:10-11 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2018-10-17T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/17/here-comes-the-bride.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/16/the-harder-side-of-love.html", "title": "The Harder Side of Love", "content_html": "

\"Holding “This is what true love looks like.”

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“Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].”  1 CORINTHIANS 13:7 AMP
\nI received a call Sunday that my sweet Aunt Viv crossed over to meet our Lord. Aunt Viv has always had a heart of gold. I remember her holding Daughter #2 on her lap and singing “Jesus Loves Me” to her when she was just a bitty thing.\n

Aunt Viv met my Uncle “Dudley” when they were in high school. She was a majorette. He was on the football team. They both had excellent role models growing up and their marriage was built to last. Like my grandparents, my aunt and uncle sit beside each other and hold hands. It’s precious to see. 

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As Aunt Viv slid further and further into dementia, I encouraged my uncle to at least consider respite care so he could get some sleep. The last two years have been terribly difficult and he often went for days on very little sleep. They did finally get some help in the form of home health care, but he pooh-poohed the idea of placing his sweetheart somewhere other than the home they built together. 

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The other night I was having my quiet meditation time. I read my devotionals and had a quiet conversation with God. 

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“Lord, I am about to be married again. There were times in my past marriages when I wasn’t very good to my husband. Can you help me be a better wife? Can you show me what that means?”

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Immediately this picture popped into my head and I went through my phone to find it. Suddenly, I had this brilliant insight. Here I was, encouraging my uncle to send his beloved wife away when God was using him to show us all what true, Godly love looks like. He was showing us what “in sickness and in health” really means. I was humbled and ashamed. I immediately wanted to hug my sweet uncle and thank him for being the excellent role model he was and to apologize for ever speaking to him in such a way. What an amazing, strong man. 

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This is not to say there is anything wrong with people who make the difficult choice to put their loved one in a nursing home. Everyone has their own beliefs and abilities and no one should ever be made to feel guilty for having made that decision. It takes a lot out of a person to do what my uncle has done. I hate that he is so worn down. But I love that he stuck by his bride and held her hand for sixty-two years…right to the end. I think there will be an extra star in his crown when he joins her one day. ❤️

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-16T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/16/the-harder-side-of-love.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Aging","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/12/the-side-effects-of-obedience.html", "title": "The Side Effects of Obedience", "content_html": "

\"Sunset\" “Sunset over the Ponderosa.”

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“And love means living the way God commanded us to live. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this: Live a life of love.”  2 John 1:6 NCV
\nI went to small group from church last night. We have a fall series and a spring series of meetings. There are different groups to fill different needs and we are all encouraged to join a small group. In a huge church, it’s difficult to feel a bond with individual members of the church family. Small group gives us the chance to make friends, learn from God’s Word, and experience fellowship. I love the gals in my small group. We always have great discussions and we always share praises and prayers at the end.\n

It’s been four weeks since Mr. FixIt and I decided to get married and set the date. Four weeks since I made the decision to live separately from him till the wedding. Even though I came back to the Ponderosa last week, I’ve been staying in TOW-Wanda. I was chatting with the gals at small group about it and got to thinking on the drive home about how this exercise has changed me.

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First…I just FEEL different. It’s hard to describe. I feel honorable. Obedient. Peaceful. Good…in that good way you feel when you have done the right thing. It wasn’t easy. And it wasn’t necessarily comfortable. Some didn’t understand why I was doing this. That offered me the opportunity to share. I’ve had the opportunity to pray with others over this. I have even been an example to one woman who had a thought then heard my testimony and realized God was answering her question.

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Sometimes the decision to be obedient to God has as much to do with the people in your path as it does to you yourself. God orchestrates our lives and places us where He needs us. We miss the opportunity to experience the blessings from that if we choose to ignore the prodding, the poking, the whispering of the Holy Spirit. I’m really glad I’ve done this. It has given our wedding a new depth and meaning. 

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The whole time I lived here before this, Mr. FixIt always talked about this being “our house”. And, while we did make some changes and redecorated, try as I might…I couldn’t get past considering it HIS house. Now, one of the side effects of my obedience is seeing this place as our home. Not HIS house…our HOME. Big difference. 

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Yesterday was rainy and we just did some things around the house. I picked up my wedding band from the jeweler. It is purposefully different. When I tried it on, my mind flashed back to my last wedding band. I smiled. 

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Mr. FixIt shampooed carpets. I took the pulled pork out of the freezer and put it into the fridge in the garage to thaw. We sat down and made some lists. We have friends coming today to help decorate the tent and whatever else we need to do. Mr. FixIt will go to town and pick up some food items we need for the reception. I have to run to the farm because we left his white dinner jacket out there. 

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We are organized. We are (fairly) rested and relaxed. And, we are SO excited!

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OMGosh! You guys….TOMORROW!!!!! ❤️

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\n", "date_published": "2018-10-12T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/12/the-side-effects-of-obedience.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/09/i-have-a-dream.html", "title": "I Have a DREAM!", "content_html": "

\"Dream\" “I have a God dream!”

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“But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.”  Genesis 50:19-21 NIV
\nA big dream. I’m not talking about an in-my-sleep dream. I’m talking about a GOD dream. I was thrilled this morning when my church shared the video of Pastor Jabin Chavez when he spoke at the Warehouse Church a couple of weeks ago. This is the video we saw in church Sunday. I told you yesterday I wanted to process it some more before I discuss it further. It touched me deeply and I really want to share it with you to see if you have the time. This is one of those messages that touches your soul. \n

youtu.be/XyjzqjJPy…

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We are inching ever closer to the end of a very long list of things we want to get done before the wedding. We went to the farm yesterday and mowed. I moved boxes and filled the bird feeders. We emptied the truck and trailer of hay and covered it with a tarp. Mowed, cleaned, picked up junk. I’m still working on cleaning all the parts of the smoker. (I love the product but the clean up is a bear.) I’ve come up with more quilts! 

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FIVE DAYS!!!!!

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\n", "date_published": "2018-10-09T01:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/09/i-have-a-dream.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage","Humbled","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/07/the-glory-of-love.html", "title": "The Glory of Love", "content_html": "

\"Sunset\" “Sunset over the Ponderosa.”

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“Therefore, since we have these [great and wonderful] promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, completing holiness [living a consecrated life--a life set apart for God’s purpose] in the fear of God.”  2 CORINTHIANS 7:1 AMP
\nWhat beautiful sunsets we get to see here on the Ponderosa! I was just heading back in the house after dining al fresco with Mr. FixIt when I notice the light changing. I turned around and caught this. With the hill behind the house, we don’t catch the setting sun itself. However, if there are clouds, you can catch the reflection and oftentimes it is so stunning it takes you breath away.\n

I got a bit of a late start this morning and by the time I got out to clean the smoker, it was already 88 degrees. Sitting in the sun scrubbing furiously is all it took to knock me down. I had to go lay down in the air conditioning in TOW-Wanda till it cooled off outside and I cooled off inside. We drove to town for a couple of things and picked up hamburger for supper. Mr. FixIt tried to burn the brush pile again and it just will not burn. Too green, too wet…who knows? Not sure what we’re going to do now with two charred piles of blackened brush. Some will burn…just not much. I finished the inside of the smoker at dark and will clean the racks tomorrow while Mr. FixIt bowls.

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My good friend Diane hunted down some hay for me so we’re picking that up this afternoon after church. Now I’m on the hunt for some cutter quilts. A friend of mine told me where I might find some. Now it’s just a matter of having the time to go look. sigh

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As you can see in the picture, TOW-Wanda is tucked in there under the maple tree by the building. I’m staying out there till the wedding. I am determined to see this through. A commitment is a commitment. 

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I’m looking forward to church today. I need the break…and the soothing calm I get from worshiping with our church family. I am not at all nervous about the wedding or marrying Mr. FixIt. There is just so much we would like to get done beforehand. We were talking as we drove to town last night. I suggested we go get massages before the wedding. Don’t you think that would be a lovely idea? 

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Six days!!!!! ❤️

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\n", "date_published": "2018-10-07T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/07/the-glory-of-love.html", "tags": ["Faith","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/04/watching-and-waiting.html", "title": "Watching and Waiting", "content_html": "

\"Toad\" “Mr. Toad is an opportunist.”

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“And now a personal but most urgent matter; I write in the gentle but firm spirit of Christ. I hear that I’m being painted as cringing and wishy-washy when I’m with you, but harsh and demanding when at a safe distance writing letters. Please don’t force me to take a hard line when I’m present with you. Don’t think that I’ll hesitate a single minute to stand up to those who say I’m an unprincipled opportunist. Then they’ll have to eat their words.”\n

2 Corinthians 10:1-2 MSG

\nI’m back at the Ponderosa tonight but I’m camping out in TOW-Wanda. Poor Mr. FixIt has been working from sunup to sundown trying to get this place wedding worthy and I just couldn’t let him do this all alone. I get here in time to cook him a nice supper. Pot roast, fried potatoes and gravy, and green beans. He said he hasn’t had a decent meal since I left for the farm and it just did my heart a world of good to cook for him. 

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This big guy startled me when I was carrying things into the house. He sits out there, watching and waiting for nightfall when the bugs are attracted to the outdoor light. He’s pretty hefty so he must be well fed. He reminded me of opportunists….watching and waiting for the moment to jump. 

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I experienced an example of opportunism last night. Someone who hasn’t spoken to me in two years chimed in on a comment I made. Granted, I broke my cardinal rule and made a comment about a political post. I don’t do that. I don’t do that. Well, ok…just this once. It wasn’t an ugly comment. It was factual. But, this person is aware of my buttons. This brought me to a sincere self-examination. 

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My first response was to say something I am quite sure I would regret but that only lasted a few seconds. Instead, I jumped at an opportunity of my own. Scroll on by…nothing to see here, folks. And say a prayer of thanksgiving that I dodged a bullet with this one. Thank you, Jesus…for more reasons than one. 

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❤️

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-04T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/04/watching-and-waiting.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Grace","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/03/instant-gratification.html", "title": "Instant Gratification", "content_html": "

\"Monarch “The only monarch butterfly I have seen in WV in the four years I’ve been back, and it was lying dead in the field. I was to harvest milkweed pods this year and try to bring some monarchs back.”

\n
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”\n

Ephesians 4:1-3 ESV

\nSo, yesterday I told you I’m a “risk-taking storyteller”. I’m sure it’s no surprise to any of you who have been following me for some time if I tell you…I am also “Instant Gratification Girl”! If I can’t get it done yesterday, I’ve been known to pitch a hissy fit. Patience has never been my forte. 

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I stopped praying for patience a long time ago when I figured out God was sending me MANY situations in which to practice. I know I’m not fooling Him one bit, but I do thank Him for what little patience I DO have. 

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I may have told you this story before. I’ve told so many, it’s hard to remember. When I was a little girl, I desperately wanted a pair of black, patent leather Mary Janes. Mom took me to the shoe store and the only pair they had left was a half size too small. When my mom told the man we’d keep looking. I had a major meltdown. To my little overdramatic self, that meant I would NEVER, EVER get them! Mom caved and bought them for me and forced me to wear them for a month till I was broken of that behavior. 

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Well, maybe. 

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Monday evening, I went over to Mr. FixIt’s and mowed till it got too dark to do it safely. I went in to get a cold drink and was sitting on the sofa when I saw them. An army of stink bugs! Do you think either of us could have possibly remembered what arrives in WV on the 1st of October? Nooooooo. Hot on their stinky little heels will be the Asian Lady Bugs. Oy! Both of these little boogers swarm en masse and I can just imagine myself walking down the aisle looking like a Ninja as they swarm and land in my hair! 

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Breathe. 

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OmmmmmmmMyGosh!!!!

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I put an urgent message out on FB. “Is there anything to keep these things at bay for a few hours?” I got lots of suggestions, including changing the wedding date. No! Absolutely not! I want my “patent leather shoes”, darn it!

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Here’s how I’m going to deal with this. We’ve managed to pull together a beautiful wedding in less than a month. The average cost of a wedding in the US today is $27,000. Ours is going to be gorgeous for far less than 10% of that. (Did I tell you I used to do this for a living? Mr. Virgo taught me well!) Everything is ordered. The tent comes the 10th giving us plenty of time to decorate it. I’m going to smoke the pork butts this weekend for the pulled pork, bag it and pop it in the freezer till Wednesday. Then late Saturday morning it goes in a slow oven to finish off. I have plenty of helpers coming that Friday and Saturday. I have a final fitting on the dress next Wednesday and it will be ready to pick up Friday. We can get the coleslaw and buns that afternoon. The sodas go in the fridge Friday and on ice in the galvanized tubs Saturday. The photographer arrives at 2:00. The cake gets delivered at 3:00. 

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See? Everything that I CAN control is under control. The rest of it I can do nothing about. Weather OR bugs. And…it will be perfect. I was thinking about this “instant gratification” thing and my word for the year….presence…popped into my head. This is my last wedding. Seriously. I’m never doing this again. I want to stay in the moment and memorize it all. We want to enjoy this, not stress out about it.  So, that’s just what I’m going to do. 

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I really didn’t like those patent leather Mary Janes anyway. ❤️

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\n", "date_published": "2018-10-03T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/03/instant-gratification.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Change","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/02/im-a-risktaking-storyteller.html", "title": "I’m a Risk-taking Storyteller", "content_html": "

\"Inspired “I am willing to risk being wrong.”

\n
“He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good. Light is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to see the sun. So if a person lives many years, let him rejoice in them all; but let him remember that the days of darkness will be many. All that comes is vanity.”  \n

Ecclesiastes 11:4-8 ESV

\nLet’s face it…I’m a risk-taker. I wasn’t always. I stood at the edge of many a precipice, leaning forward just enough to deem the venture far too scary to attempt. And, being a perfectionist compounded the issue with my “If I can’t overachieve, I will not try” personality. This has kept me from experiencing many incredible  moments that, at the very least would have been entertaining, and more than likely would have changed my life. But, change wasn’t something I was interested in. 

\n

I remember when my 20-year marriage was falling apart. I had been in therapy for depression stemming from a past filled with abuse, both to me and by me. Sexual abuse. Emotional abuse. Alcohol abuse. Prescription abuse. When my ex-husband was at the end of his rope, he had some therapy of his own to gain the tools he needed to take care of himself. He was changing right in front of me and it scared me more than anything else had. Because I knew where this was headed. My long-standing abandonment issues assured me I would be alone and destitute and living on the streets. Of course, that never happened, but I distinctly remember him saying something to me and asking him just how much he was going to change because I didn’t like it. I can look back on that moment now and realize he was actually saving my life, but at the time, I was horrified. 

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When I found myself dangling by the end of my own rope, I was forced to change or die. I’d love to say it was an easy choice and I moved right on by the huge crevasse that had opened in my life, but that was not the case. I overdosed and came as close to death as I care to go at this point in my life. And that was, as they say, the bottom of the barrel. 

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I wasn’t a Christian yet, but I saw a tunnel before me of the most beautiful shade of cobalt blue surrounded with rays of gold…like a giant eclipse of the sun. While I was in this tunnel, my dead grandma came to me and stood by my side. She sternly told me, “Get back down there, young lady! You have work to do!” It took me five years and the death of my mother and the prayers of some really great people to find Jesus and my life changed in an instant. Not that my circumstances were ideal and I didn’t still struggle. I did. But I felt every cell in my body come alive and become new. It was…THE change. The really BIG change. 

\n

My fear level plummeted. I became a risk taker. After two failed marriages, Mr. Virgo came into my life and I plunged off the cliff of a third marriage holding hands with a wonderful man. We enjoyed seven years of this bliss before he died suddenly as we were planning our golden years. Grief chiseled me into who I am today. Stronger, to be sure. Softer, more empathetic. Grief became my story…and I’m an avid storyteller. 

\n

Now, here I am…about to jump off the cliff again. My fourth marriage. I swear, it’s my LAST marriage. Daughter #1 has taken to calling me “Liz”. Someone asked me the other day if I was scared. My answer was, “Heck no! I’m marrying my very best friend whom I’ve known for fifty years. Bring it on!” I realized a couple of days later what she meant….

\n

Was I scared of losing Mr. FixIt like I lost Mr. Virgo?

\n

I pondered. This is why no one likes to talk about death and grief. It hits too darned close to home. Am I worried that Mr. FixIt will drop dead in front of me? I’d be lying if I said no. Am I willing to risk going through loss and grief again so that I can experience the love of another wonderful man? Absolutely! And you know why I say that? Because, I’m a risk-taker now. Ever since I laid everything on the line for Jesus, I’ve been firmly in the camp of “I’m willing to risk being wrong.”  It took me 14 months of being engaged to Mr. FixIt to prepare for this marriage. It took standing up and adding the caveat of living separately for the month before the wedding as a sacrifice and atonement for living together before we were married. And it took the assurance of a loving God that He will always and forever have my back in all things I do. I will not be afraid. 

\n

They say God will catch you and teach to you fly. I am sure there will be many flying lessons ahead, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take and a story I’m willing to tell. ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-02T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/02/im-a-risktaking-storyteller.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Starting Over","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/01/the-devolution-of-man.html", "title": "The Devolution of Man", "content_html": "

\"Fog\" “Foggy morning at the farm.”

\n

I’m a scientist at heart. I’ve worked in medicine since I was 17 years old. I was married to a doctor for 21 years. I am a Christian. And the question of creation versus evolution is hard for me to answer completely. As a scientist, I have seen empirical evidence of evolution. It’s difficult for me to argue with DNA and carbon dating and fossils. As a Christian, I believe that God spoke the world into existence and breathed life into all things. When we read the Bible, we are interpreting it through our current base of experiences and knowledge. We read Genesis 1:26 “Let us make man in our image.” Was God talking literally? As in, the way we look today? Humans look different than they did even a thousand years ago. We are taller and certainly bigger than our distant ancestors. So, was He speaking metaphorically? Spiritually? Was He talking about attributes we are familiar with in this day and age? Was there a Big Bang? What is time? Is it measured precisely as it was in the beginning? Was a day exactly 24 hours and a year exactly 365 days? I don’t know the answer to all of these questions because, while I am continuing to learn and grow in my faith, I have not seen God personally. I experience God daily. That is different. I will leave these questions to those who are far better educated than I. Someday, we will know.

\n

My point today is not the “e”volution of man, but the “d”evolution. Devolution is defined as “perversion; deterioration of morality.” I think we can all agree this is what we are seeing on the daily in the news and on all forms of social media. It doesn’t matter which side of the aisle you sit on. It doesn’t matter what your faith, race, sexual identity, nationality, level of education, IQ, or genetic makeup is…there’s something decidedly crazy going on in the world. I’m not sure our country has seen this level of divisiveness since the ‘50s or ‘60s. 

\n

Here’s just one small example that I ran across the other day. There is a meme going around on FB that shows President Clinton with a blonde woman with a caption “Bill Clinton and Dr. Ford” with “WELL, WELL, WELL” written across it. Intimating what, exactly? Collusion? A mass conspiracy in the ‘90s to supplant a Supreme Court nominee sometime in the year 2018? I don’t know. The woman in the photo is actually Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, a Democrat and a Senator from New York. Ok…memes happen all the time. Right, Left, true, false…whatever. While these things are irresponsible and show a lack of even a basic level of curiosity as to the veracity of the information being openly disseminated, my biggest problem is the responses they generate.

\n

People I know…or, thought I knew. People who went to school with me. People who claim to be Christians. People who fight for the proper treatment of animals but absolutely, openly, viciously trash human beings who believe differently than they do. In the last couple of years, it seems we (and by “we”, I mean the collective “we”) have lost our ability to govern our tongues. The very people who are furious that God has been taken out of the classroom are lashing out with a vengeance at…I don’t know…everybody. I can let it make me crazy or depressed or angry. Or, I can choose to take the high road. I can check my own tongue and moral compass. Let me just drop a few lines from life’s instruction manual…

\n

Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble. Proverbs 21:23

\n

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

\n

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

\n

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

\n

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! Psalm 141:3

\n

Here’s a good one…If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. James 1:26

\n

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Psalm 34:13

\n

Oh, I love this one…Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. Proverbs 17:28

\n

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. 1 Peter 3:10

\n

A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. Proverbs 15:4

\n

Has your spirit felt broken by the words of others? I know the easiest answer of all would be to get off social media altogether, but like it or not, this is how many of us keep in touch with friends and family. Oh, you can hide the posts. You can scroll right on past and not engage. But that doesn’t solve the problem. That doesn’t improve matters. That doesn’t swing our moral compass back toward true north. 

\n

It’s a “sticky wicket”, as they say in England. It’s not an easy thing to do. We aren’t the moral police meaning we can’t force others to bend at our will, as they are perhaps trying to bend ours. But what we CAN do is be a light in the world. We can live by example. We cannot change others, but we can show a different way to be. And remember, the instruction manual also says this…

\n

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Galatians 6:1

\n

As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned. Titus 3:10-11

\n

If you’re looking for me, I’ll be cleaning up my friends list now. ❤️

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-01T01:30:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/01/the-devolution-of-man.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Grace","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/29/he-who-lives-in-me.html", "title": "He Who Lives in Me...", "content_html": "

\"Rustic “A rustic cross is just what we need to turn our tent into a House of God.”

\n
“Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”  1 John 4:4 ESV
\nI ran a million errands yesterday. Ok...it just FELT like a million. I needed thread and some sewing scissors to sew the lace extension on my wedding dress. (It’s not quite as long as I want.) I had to take all the stuff I bought yesterday over to Mr. FixIt’s and pick up the sewing machine and my wedding dress. Then I noticed a package I was expecting wasn’t delivered because I wasn’t there. I picked up the pink slip out of the mailbox and headed to the post office. On and on and on.\n

My last stop was at Pat Catan’s…the craft store in town. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for. I have an idea for a banner or something but I just can’t quite make up my mind. Then I saw this rustic cross. I thought it would be perfect to hang over the spot we stand with the pastor. (We have a pastor!) We aren’t getting married in a church, but we can sure bring God into the tent! As I was checking out, the clerk said, “Wow. You just bought this cross and, I don’t quite know how to tell you…you saved $6.66!” Without missing a beat, I smiled and said…”He who lives in me is greater than he who lives in the world. He doesn’t scare me!” 

\n

I didn’t take the receipt, though.

\n

What I did do this week was disconnect from the media for awhile. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I found way too many triggers everywhere I turned. Instead…I threw all my focus on this gentle man I am about to marry. Avoidance oF the media surrounding the event does not mean I am uninformed or uncaring. It just means I know my limits and I had reached mine by the end of the Cosby sentencing. This world breaks my heart sometimes. Will there ever be a time when we are less…divided, angry, hateful?

\n

I may be weary of all this, but I am not fearful. Fear is from the enemy. He will whisper and tell you all is lost. Don’t believe him! WALK STRONG! ❤️

\n
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalms‬ ‭23:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\n", "date_published": "2018-09-29T01:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/29/he-who-lives-in-me.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Humbled","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/28/praise-and-pumpkins.html", "title": "Praise and Pumpkins", "content_html": "

\"Pumpkin\" “Pumpkins seem pretty pricey this year!”

\n
“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.”  Philippians 4:19-20 ESV
\nI went to my small group from church last night. I shared with them my decision to go back to the farm until Mr. FixIt and I get married. I also shared what happened with the trucks. When I wrote yesterday’s post, I was concerned with the possible cost of repairs or, heaven forbid, replacement of two vehicles. So, I prayed. Fervently.\n

Our pastor has been stressing the importance of praying as if your prayer has already been answered. So I thanked God for fixing it so that we didn’t have to replace our vehicles. I thanked him for making the repairs simple and affordable. I also thanked him for being a loving Father and for taking such good care of us.

\n

Yesterday morning, I called the Ford dealer and told him about my wheel screaming and that I really needed it looked at quickly because I can’t be without my truck. He said to bring it right in. Blessing #1. I backed down the driveway onto the road, put it in drive, and the scream totally disappeared. Blessing #2. I drove the hour to the Ford dealer, explained what was going on, and they took the truck right back. I waited in the lounge for an hour then the mechanic came out to get me. He told me there was a plate that had moved a little and that’s what was making my back brakes squeak when I back up. He fixed that. He said he went over the entire brake system and it was fine. When I asked him how much I owed him, he said “Not a thing.” Blessing #3. Then Mr. FixIt called. He met with the Toyota garage and determined most of what they wanted to fix was either something he could fix himself, or something that wasn’t at all urgent. They agreed to a couple of small things that needed fixing more urgently, and the total was under $400. Blessing #4!

\n

These blessings…are they coincidence? I don’t think so. I don’t believe in coincidences or accidents. Are they because I made a commitment to do the right thing in honoring God before we get married? I do not know the mind of God, but if I were a betting person, I’d say there’s a pretty good chance that’s exactly what happened. 

\n

The rest of the day was spent running errands before I headed to small group from church. I bought two big galvanized tubs to put ice and drinks in for the wedding. I picked up a few more invitations and got them sent out. I bought some burlap ribbon for the bridal bouquet. And I went on the search for pumpkins for decorating the tent. However, I am NOT paying $10 a piece for them! This was at a produce market north of Marietta, OH. I’m also not buying mums till next week. If they are blooming now, they will be sticks by the time the wedding gets here. Still haven’t firmed up the officiant. Everything else is coming together nicely! Oh, this is going to be SO much fun!!! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-28T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/28/praise-and-pumpkins.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Grace","God","Humbled","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/27/not-today-devil.html", "title": "Not Today, Devil!", "content_html": "

\"Sunset\" “I think Mr. Virgo was smiling at me today!”

\n
“And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, \"This is the way, walk in it,\" when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.”  Isaiah 30:21 ESV
\nFor those of you who have been reading this blog from the beginning, you will remember my reticence to mention God in my posts. I was very, very busy trying to make sure I didn’t offend anyone. And, of course, that is still very much my focus. But as time has passed, I have let God into my writing more and more. I always SAID I was a faith-based writer, but I really wasn’t walking the talk. That all changed one day when I got a text from God in church. That was a great story. Anyway, I’m all about Jesus anymore and I just let out what needs to come out and I don’t worry so much about it anymore.\n

Our Pastor frequently talks about what happens when you are truly a Christ follower. What happens when you make God the center of your life. He always says, “If you put God at the center of your life…are truly following him with all your heart…watch out! Because there’s nothing the enemy hates more than someone putting God before anything else. He attacks and causes all kinds of destruction and whispers lies 24/7 trying to convince you if God REALLY loved you…these bad things wouldn’t be happening. And, of course, it isn’t true. Nothing the enemy says is true.

\n

Mr. FixIt’s truck had a recall and when they started tearing it apart, they found all kinds of other things wrong. He’s going up today to have a look at it with the mechanics and make a decision. Then, after I helped Mr. FixIt with some things around The Ponderosa yesterday, I drove to the farm. By the time I got there, my wheels were squealing really loud. I had hit a pot hole on this wretched road just before, so I have no idea what’s going on.

\n

I know exactly what is happening here. I was led by God to do the right thing and moved back to the farm till after the wedding. I can feel it to my bones that it’s the right thing to do. And then…the enemy strikes! First, Mr. FixIt’s truck then mine. In the week after we put God first. It is so clear. However, I’ll tell you like my friend, DaShara says…”Not today, Devil…I am a Child of God!” 

\n

I know we’re on the right path. And the enemy can throw roadblocks up every step of the way, but we will persevere. We will not be deterred by the likes of him! He who lives within me is greater than he who lives in the world. Everything will work out with an even greater outcome than previously imagined. Amen! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-27T01:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/27/not-today-devil.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/26/a-tangled-web.html", "title": "A Tangled Web", "content_html": "

\"Web\" “Sin starts out easily enough and soon ensnares you in a tangled web.”

\n
“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. If anyone thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin. But whoever is firmly established in his heart, being under no necessity but having his desire under control, and has determined this in his heart, to keep her as his betrothed, he will do well.”  1 Corinthians 7:32-37 ESV
\nAs you may remember, I lived twenty-seven years of my life as a practicing Jew, so I am quite familiar with the Days of Awe or the High Holy Days. This is the period of time from Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. The dates vary year to year because the Jewish calendar is based on the lunar cycle so it doesn’t match up with the calendar we use daily. This year, Rosh Hashanah starts on September 29th and Yom Kippur is October 8th. It is not a coincidence that this holy time coincides with the days leading up to our wedding.\n

The High Holy days is a time of reflection and meditation. While Jews pray for their name to be in the Book of Life for the New Year, Yom Kippur is a solemn day of fasting and prayer, a day of atonement when you ask God to forgive you of your sins. When I made the decision to marry Mr. FixIt because I was feeling wrong living with him without being married, I had no idea the High Holy Days were coming up. 

\n

I have been staying at the farm by myself for the last week. This is my time of atonement. Being away from my sweetheart isn’t easy, but it is a “fasting”, of sorts. I can’t quite find the words to describe what is happening within my heart as I go through these days without him before we marry. 

\n

One may say, “Oh, you’ve lived together all this time. What’s the difference now?”

\n

Well, it is one thing to do something wrong because you were unaware it was sinful. It’s quite another to know it is wrong, then do it anyway. I may be late to the party on this one…but I’ve shown up and suited up. I’ve made a commitment. And I have to say, I am honored by Mr. FixIt’s respect for my decision. Like he said, I am my own woman…I don’t need anyone’s permission to do something, married or not. I know he’s not as enthusiastic about this as I am, but I appreciate his patience and understanding. I think we are both gaining something from the experience.

\n

Sin is a tangled web we can so easily get snared in. Seeking solitude for prayer and meditation has helped me sweep away some cobwebs of my own making. And having a clean slate upon which to build our foundation just feels better to me. I am not being judgmental of others and their personal choices. I speak of what is in my heart. ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-26T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/26/a-tangled-web.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Choices","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/24/the-feeling-of-prayers.html", "title": "The Feeling of Prayers", "content_html": "

\"Feathered “When someone prays for me, it’s like a thousand feathered angel wings wrapping around me.”

\n
“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.”  Colossians 4:2 NIV
\nI will never forget when my friend Bill told me I was on his daily prayer list ever since the overdose at the end of my second marriage. I was...stunned. Here he was, a busy Emergency Room physician and a missionary in a country and location they could not reveal for fear of being killed. And I was on his daily prayer list? \n

When I finally became a Christian in 2005, the first people I told were my neighbors, Bob and Ellie. I asked them over, sat them on the couch, and told them I had accepted Christ as my personal Savior. They both immediately burst into tears and said, “Oh, we both have been praying so hard for you!” 

\n

When I revealed on Saturday that Mr. FixIt and I were getting married and shared the reason why, several of you told me you had been praying for me to hear God’s whispers and do what was right.

\n

This was astonishing to me. I have prayed for countless people and circumstances, but I don’t think about others praying FOR me. Maybe my safety and comfort and good circumstances actually came because of the prayers of others. My grandma comes to mind. I can guarantee she prayed for me. Many times.

\n

Hindsight tells me the gradual discomfort I felt when I was someplace on my journey I shouldn’t have been was at least partially due to the prayers of others trying to lead me back home. I once asked you here to pray for me and I felt a supernatural comfort…like a thousand feathered angel wings wrapped all around me. This is what the prayer of another feels like if you can open yourself to it. It’s physical. It’s supernatural. And it’s very, very real.

\n

Praying for the happiness of my ex-husband and his soon-to-be wife allowed forgiveness which gave me peace. Praying for my children and grandchildren gives me hope for their safety and well-being. Praying for Mr. FixIt brings me reassurance of his strength and leadership for our family as we prepare to marry. Prayer can be felt by those you pray for. They may not have a clue it’s your prayers they are feeling, but trust me…they feel it in one way or another. So, keep praying. If there is someone who is lost, pray them home. If there is someone who is discouraged, pray for bravery. If there is someone who is broken, pray for peace. Prayer never hurt anyone and even though you may never see the results, it makes a difference. Because God listens. He hears. He cares. He loves us more than anything you could possibly imagine.

\n

Take this into your week and be encouraged. Prayer changes things…even if it’s just inside of you. ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-24T01:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/24/the-feeling-of-prayers.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/22/a-change-is-gonna-come.html", "title": "A Change is Gonna Come...", "content_html": "

\"Changing “A change is coming. Can you feel it?”

\n
“Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find? The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.”  Proverbs 20:6-7 NIV
\nYesterday, I told you there were some big decisions I’ve been working on the last few months. Today, I want to talk with you about one of them. The most important one. This is a REALLY long post...but hang in there with me. You won’t be sorry.\n

Not long after Mr. FixIt and I became a serious item, God started working on me. For a long time, whenever I walk into church, I say a little prayer. I always say, “Lord, if there is a personal message you have for me today, please anoint the Pastor’s words so he can deliver it to me.” Countless times, God answers my plea and the Pastor will literally come to the front of the stage, stand right in front of me, look me straight in the eye, and say something that is unmistakably personal. Something exactly about what I’ve been working on, or worrying over. I would say it’s uncanny, but what it really is…is supernatural. Our God is a supernatural God. He listens, and He communicates…through the Holy Spirit. Through a total stranger. Through your Guardian Angel. If He has a message, and you ask Him to tell you loud and clear, He doesn’t need a megaphone. He’ll beat you over the head with it if it’s something you truly need.

\n

From the time Mr. FixIt and I got serious, I’ve been getting messages from God that we shouldn’t be living together without being married. I have to be honest…this has never bothered me before. I’m a product of the ‘60s and I never had a problem living with someone before we got married. But this time is different. It’s been wearing on me. And I think I’ve figured out why.

\n

The biggest reason is my faith has grown exponentially since Mr. Virgo died. I had to make God the center of my life in order to survive that loss. In order to not feel so alone. And God has drawn me ever so close to Him. He has guarded me and protected me. He has led me through some terribly difficult times. He has been my rock…my anchor. In the past, that has not been the case. My relationship with my husband was my focus. My relationship with God suffered and therefore I suffered. And I wasn’t even aware of it.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I keep God at the center of our relationship. Or…so I would love for everyone to believe. See, here’s the thing. You’re either all in with God. Or, you’re not. That’s why I’ve been feeling off about cohabitation. Now, there is the issue of widow’s benefits. I had been told when I first went to Social Security after Mr. Virgo died, that if I remarried I would lose my widow’s benefits. I’ve kept that information in my mind all this time without questioning. Until last weekend.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I have spent a great deal of time apart in the last month between being sick and in the hospital, camping with the Girl Campers, and going to Country Living Fair. The reason I took my camper up with me and camped alone instead of bunking with my gal pals was…I needed some alone time with God. These wonderful women I was with are two of my strongest Christian friends. They mentor me. They are sounding boards for me when I have questions. They are my fellow prayer warriors when I need them. I confessed how I was feeling and they talked with me about it.

\n

While camping alone, I prayed deeply. I told God my worries. I told him I totally trust in Him and that I know without question that He will provide for me. But I’ve been so worried about losing my widow’s benefits because my own Social Security is paltry. I was a stay-at-home mom, so I didn’t make a lot of money in my lifetime. Mr. Virgo, however, worked in 5-Star resorts and restaurants all his career. He died before touching his Social Security. My benefits through him are far more than my own. Not enough to live in the lap of luxury, mind you. But enough to live on if I were extremely frugal. I asked God to give me a sign that I wouldn’t lose my benefits if I remarried.

\n

Then, I listened. “Google. What happens to widow’s benefits if you remarry?” Simple enough, right? I mean, why didn’t I think to Google that a long time ago? Because….it wasn’t the right time. Mr. FixIt asked me to marry him just a month after we started dating. It was too soon. We needed to get to know each other more. We needed to grow together in our faith. And, I needed more time to work through my grief. This was God’s perfect timing. I Googled the question and page after page of answers came back. “If you remarry after the age of 60, you will NOT lose your widow’s benefits.” Wow! The reason it stuck in my head so long ago was, I was only 59 when Mr. Virgo died. They told me if I remarried, I would lose my benefits. But that was THEN. Grief brain didn’t allow the rest of it to soak in. 

\n

I sat back…stunned by this revelation. I looked up and said, “Thank you, God. That’s all I needed to know!” Then I texted Mr. FixIt.

\n

“I miss you. Let’s get married.”

\n

Without missing a beat, he wrote back. “OK! We’ll set a date when you get home! What prompted this?”

\n

“God.” I said.

\n

So, we set a date! Yes, my lovely Ranchers…we’re getting MARRIED!!!

\n

Ohhhhh….Emmmmmm…..Geeeeeeeee!!!

\n

I’m all in. I can’t, in good conscience, profess my faith AND live in a way that I feel, for me, is counter to that. So I’m following my conscience and God’s clear instructions to marry this very wonderful man that He sent me. We chose October 13th as our wedding day. When I was looking through the calendar, the 13th jumped out at me. I seemed to remember it being a family anniversary. I looked up on my family tree and indeed…it was my Grandma and PopPop’s anniversary! Those two in whose bedroom I am currently propped up, writing to you! PopPop died on my mom’s birthday…August 26th. Just seven weeks before their 50th Wedding Anniversary. I know how terribly sad I was when Mr. Virgo died just three weeks shy of our 6th anniversary. I can’t imagine what my grandma went through losing her forever sweetheart so close to such a monumental event. I am thrilled we can celebrate our wedding on their special day!

\n

So, there it is, my friends. A change is gonna come. Will I still be a widow? Yes, I will always and forever be a widow. AND, I will be a wife again. Never in my wildest dreams would I have anticipated something so precious happening again. I know Mr. Virgo had a hand in this. He and God stopped at the 9th or 10th hole one day when they were playing a round of golf. 

\n

“Hey, look down there at that beautiful woman. Do you think we can send her someone to love who will love her back with the white-hot heat of the sun?”

\n

And God said…”Ha! Watch this!” ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-22T01:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/22/a-change-is-gonna-come.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/21/a-fork-in-the-road.html", "title": "A Fork in the Road", "content_html": "

\"Fork “Making decisions at the fork in the road.”

\n
“If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.”  1 Peter 4:11-12 NIV
\nI’ve had a couple of major decisions weighing on my heart the last few months. Good things...but just figuring out which way to go is sometimes overwhelming. When I am faced with just such a dilemma and I grasp it with both hands, I try to wrestle it into the box I want to put it in. This is a goal. Something you can plan for, see, hold onto, and finish all on your own. And...quite often it leads to frustration when you can’t make it fit. When it doesn’t work out the way you want it to.\n

There’s another way to do this that relieves you of the pressure you put on yourself. You give it to God. I have been reminded of this multiple times in the last week when wonderful women of great faith were sent to me. I listened to their wise counsel. I held hands and prayed with them. And I spent the weekend camping in TOW-Wanda while I was in Columbus at the Country Living Fair. When I stopped trying to hold on so tight and bend these situations to MY will and let God work it out to HIS will, the answers became perfectly clear. The decisions ultimately were simple and life changing. This is a dream…something that comes from God. We discussed this at my small group from church last night and it made so much sense.

\n

I love how this works. I wish I would remember to give it over to God BEFORE I beat my head against a brick wall for months. Maybe one of these days that stubborn “I can do it myself” attitude with magically melt away. And, maybe someday pigs really WILL fly. For now, I’ll take the solace where I can get it and be grateful for God’s grace and the serenity it can provide.

\n
“...When a believing person prays, great things happen.”  James 5:16 NCV
\n❤️\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-21T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/21/a-fork-in-the-road.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/03/feeling-stronger-every-day.html", "title": "Feeling Stronger Every Day", "content_html": "

\"Psalms “I love Psalms.”

\n
“Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you,”  Exodus 23:25 NIV
\nRemember that song? You never realize how sick you were till you feel better. My medication list just got longer...for the next twelve days, at least. But it’s a small price to pay at this point. \n

I went to the farm yesterday to look for something and do some laundry. When I walked up on the back porch, I noticed the cats had left a Ritual Sacrifice to the Food God. This one was of the rodent variety. Not sure of the significance, but it is their way of showing love…however icky. At least it wasn’t one of my pretty songbirds. As I was feeding Boy Cat, he shot past me and made a bee line for the driveway. I knew he was after something and soon he came back proudly carrying a frog to present to me. Of course, as soon as he set down the frog in front of me, it took off. I managed to shoo that cat enough to give the frog a chance to make his escape and soon Boy Cat was happily munching on his real supper.

\n

As I walked into the house, I saw all the boxes. I have to tell you, my heart sank for a moment. I was so sick last week that I actually forgot for a moment they were out there. They’ll have to wait for a while though. Winter is coming fast enough and I’m not going to miss out on a moment of this gorgeous weather coming up. We are to have a very hot week, then things should cool off. There are already a lot of leaves changing around here. Spots of gold are everywhere and leaves are falling on some varieties of trees. I won’t mind cool nights. They make sleeping so much better.

\n

The grass desperately needs cut out at the farm and I was actually smart enough to refrain from trying to mow it myself. I consider that a major accomplishment. I am not always to responsible. Unfortunately, I have shared this virus with Mr. FixIt and he’s feeling pretty miserable this evening. I certainly hope I can get him through this quickly. I don’t think he will have the same lung issue with it because he doesn’t have asthma like me. Thank goodness! I’m sterilizing everything because these respiratory viruses can live on surfaces for ten days. That’s how people keep getting reinfected. 

\n

Well, it’s Monday. Go out there and make it a good week and be good to each other. A smile can be such a blessing to someone that it bounces right back on you! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-03T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/03/feeling-stronger-every-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/20/into-the-wilderness.html", "title": "Into the Wilderness", "content_html": "

\"Colorado\" “The wilderness of Colorado offered me a place of solace to grieve.”

\n
“Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.”  Matthew 4:1 NIV
\nWhen Mr. Virgo died and I went alone into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado for three months, I was often faced with views such as this. Vast expanses of wilderness, as far as the eye could see. I could go days without seeing another soul. It was what my heart needed...to walk alone with God. To seek quiet counsel with my Father who could comfort me like no other. To feel free to express my emotions in ways that could release the pain and anguish without constraint. It was all part of the life-altering experience of loss and healing.\n

Pastor Justin spoke yesterday of what happened to Jesus after he was baptized. In Matthew, Chapter 4, Jesus had just been baptized and was led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness. There, he was met by the enemy who tempted him. After fasting for forty days and forty nights, Jesus was hungry. Satan scoffed at him saying, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” To which Jesus answered that man shall not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. The devil led him to a high point and commanded Jesus to jump, saying surely God’s angels would catch him and he would not be harmed. Jesus said, “Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” Again, the enemy took Jesus to the highest point and offered to give Him all of the kingdoms if He would just bow down and worship him. To which Jesus replied, and I paraphrase here…Get the heck away from me! I will serve only my Father in Heaven!

\n

The Pastor brought up a couple of interesting insights that I want to share with you today. First, Jesus was baptized and received the Holy Spirit in the most remarkable way. When we receive the Spirit, we certain feel it to the depth of our soul. We are instantaneously changed…at a cellular level…into a new creation. When Jesus received the Holy Spirit, the sky literally opened up, and the voice of God declared to all that would hear…”This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased.” That had to be epic for those within hearing range. Then, the Holy Spirit was delivered down from Heaven in the form of a dove and landed on Jesus. Can you imagine watching this taking place?

\n

Then, what was the first thing that happened? Did Jesus get up and say, “Wow…I feel different now.” Did he walk into favor and blessings and immediately start healing people? No. He was led, by the Holy Spirit, into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.

\n

This is where we go as well. When we first accept Christ as our Savior, we don’t strut around like we’ve just won Best Actor. We don’t get showered with “super blessings” and everything becomes right in our world. If this is what happened to you, you might want to look back at the sincerity of your proclamation, because what really happens is…we are led into the wilderness. And we are bombarded by the enemy. He tempts us. He lies. He kills. He destroys. We may be bewildered by this because no one told us things were probably going to get mighty difficult when we choose this particular path. Because Satan is threatened by your faith. He hates it. He is jealous. He wants to whisper in your ear and fill you with doubt. We need to do what Jesus did…tell the devil to get away from you. You aren’t having any of this.

\n

Pastor Justin pointed out…this temptation is a lie. The enemy is tempting you with things you already have. He may tempt you by causing your eye to wander to another when you already have a spouse at home. He may make you envy your neighbor they’re big fancy house when you already have a house of your own. He is offering you things you already have because he doesn’t have anything real to offer you. His offer is death. 

\n

When I look back at the challenges of the last several years, I see so many moments when I could have chucked it all in, but I stayed the course. Because, you never know when the blessing will come. There have been times in this writing journey that I have asked myself if it is worth it to keep going. Have I already said everything there is to say? Is it making a difference to anyone? It can be tiring. It can be frustrating. I sometimes struggle for a topic. But I listen for the still, small voice. And today, it spoke to me through a reader. In my Sunday Evening Prayer Circle, a reader told me she was praying for me and my ministry here. She said that my words have helped her and made a difference in her life. I’m not saying this to boast. I am saying this to praise the Holy Spirit who moved her to answer the question that I lifted up to God just this morning in church. 

\n

“Am I doing what You want me to do, Lord?” 

\n

The answer was, “Yes.”

\n

?

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-08-20T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/20/into-the-wilderness.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/13/monday-morning-wrap-up.html", "title": "Monday Morning Wrap Up", "content_html": "

\"Rose “My beautiful Rose of Sharon and gigantic Hydrangea”

\n
“Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.” Matthew 11::6NIV
\nWow, what a weekend! A group of my high school friends gathered for a class picnic on Saturday. We had such a good time. There was lots of great food, as you can well imagine. One of our friends lost his wife two months ago, so there were several of us around the table who have known that kind of loss and could offer him the support of one who’s been there. Even though everyone’s grief is different, there are so many threads that creat the same cloth.\n

Sunday was wonderful at church. We had a visiting pastor from Mason, WV who did a terrific job. His sermon was entitled, “I Still Believe”. His message was about John the Baptist. Here was someone who had been the one to pave the way for Jesus. He was the one telling people he wasn’t worthy to unlace the sandals of the Messiah. He is the one who baptized Jesus. Then…he was thrown in prison. He sent a message to Jesus through one of his disciples. He asked, “Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?” Now, John KNEW Jesus was the Messiah. He had seen the sky open and a dove come down and hear God’s own voice when he had baptized Jesus. Why would he be asking if He was really the one? Pastor Jason proposed that what John was really asking was, “Will you come to me? Will you help me?” When Jesus said no…he wasn’t coming, he wanted the disciple to remind him of all the works he had seen. He wanted John to know, “Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.” In other words…still believe. Even though I am not coming to rescue you…still believe. And that’s exactly what John did. He still believed.

\n

This is such a valuable message to me. I have had so many struggles. I still believe. I was molested as a child. I still believe. I abused alcohol and drugs. I still believe. I went through two divorces. I still believe. I lost my sweet husband. I still believe. I’ve been betrayed by those I trust. I still believe. I have seen people whom I love struggle and suffer great hardships. I still believe. I have been attacked by the enemy through people I barely knew and never treated poorly. I still believe. I have watched evil walk the earth and do unspeakable things. Yet…I still believe. There is nothing anyone can do that will shake my confidence that God is always there for me and will never forsake me. Even when I don’t feel Him. Even when I don’t see evidence. Even when I pray for things and they don’t turn out the way I thought they would. Even when I don’t find favor. I will still believe because He who lives within me is greater than he who lives in the world.

\n

It was a beautiful day, so after church, we went for Chinese for lunch then out to the farm. I love a Sunday afternoon nap and there’s no place I’d rather do that than the farm. The phone woke me from a dream. I was in the farmhouse, but it was very cold. I was trying to plug a hole in the wall with a cardboard box but I could not figure out how to keep it in place. When I woke up enough, I realized the AC was blowing on my feet. ?‍♀️

\n

The phone call was from Daughter #2. She was working her shift at the coffee shop when a customer came up and asked her to come to the window. There was a man sitting on the patio out front, in full view….um, let’s just say he was doing something definitely NOT for public viewing. She called security and they said unless they actually saw the activity, they couldn’t do anything. She called her boss and she said to call security back and tell them to get their butts over there, now! Daughter #2, with security backup, had to tell the man to leave. He did not put up a fight and he went on his way. But this worries me. I will not speak my concerns and give them life. She is a smart girl. She will keep her eye out. She was very brave. 

\n

I still believe. Why? because, she texted me after it was over and said, “Even though I don’t believe in prayer, will you please pray that my day improves?”

\n

You bet, babe. I’ve got your back! ❤️?❤️

\n

 

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-08-13T01:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/13/monday-morning-wrap-up.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/21/the-empty-vessel.html", "title": "The Empty Vessel", "content_html": "

\"Empty “Lord, Fill my Vessel.”

\n
“The wife of a man from the company of the prophets cried out to Elisha, “Your servant my husband is dead, and you know that he revered the Lord. But now his creditor is coming to take my two boys as his slaves.” Elisha replied to her, “How can I help you? Tell me, what do you have in your house?” “Your servant has nothing there at all,” she said, “except a small jar of olive oil.” Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons. Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side.” She left him and shut the door behind her and her sons. They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring. When all the jars were full, she said to her son, “Bring me another one.” But he replied, “There is not a jar left.” Then the oil stopped flowing. She went and told the man of God, and he said, “Go, sell the oil and pay your debts. You and your sons can live on what is left.””\n‭‭2 Kings‬ ‭4:1-2, 4-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\nWhen I am on the road, I really miss my home church. I go to churches wherever I am traveling, but it’s just not the same. Fortunately, our church has an app and all of our sermons are posted on it. They come out on Tuesday so I have to wait a couple of days. But they are always worth the wait.\n

I spent a lay-low day yesterday icing my knee. I want it to get better quickly so I didn’t really do anything but read and catch up with my sermons. Pastor Justin preached from 2 Kings a couple of weeks ago and I wanted to share with you what I learned from his message.

\n

In 1 Kings 4:1-7, a widow cries out to Elisha and tells him her husband died leaving her in debt with two sons to care for. Elisha asked her what she had in her house and she replied nothing but a small vial of olive oil. Elisha instructs her to go to her neighbors all around and get as many empty vessels as she could. Her sons went all over the neighborhood bringing her vessel after vessel. When she had the vessels, Elisha instructed her to go in the house and shut the door, take the vial of oil and pour it into the vessels, setting them aside as each one was filled. When she had finished filling all the vessels, she asked her sons for another and they told her there were no more. And the oil stopped flowing. Elisha instructed her to go sell the oil to pay off her debts and keep the remaining money for herself and her sons.

\n

Pastor Justin tells us in the message, we are like these vessels. We need to come to God to be filled. But so many of us come to Him already full. Full of worry and anxiety. Full of addictions. Full of “self fulfillment”. There is still a little room around all the pieces for oil, but we can’t get our full portion from God until we come to Him empty…as empty as the vessels the widow filled with the miraculous flow.

\n

God will fill us to the brim with all we need, but it isn’t His intent for us to fill up then walk away and say, “Ok, I got my portion. I’m full…I don’t need you anymore.” He fills US full so we may pour God’s love out on OTHERS. It’s a never ending process. We get filled up so we can get empty so we can get filled up…over and over and over.

\n

This world needs all the love it can get. I truly try not to get wrapped up in the news and at the same time be an informed, concerned, responsible citizen. It isn’t easy. I just have to remember to dump the rocks out of my vessel and get filled with the full portion of what God has for me. I have to close my ears to the whispers of the enemy when he tells me lies. I have to lean in, close, to hear the intimate whispers of the Holy Spirit who speaks life into my heart. Then, and only then, can I get filled with the good stuff…the God stuff. ❤️

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-21T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/21/the-empty-vessel.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/15/your-difference-is-your-beauty.html", "title": "Your Difference is Your Beauty", "content_html": "
\n
    \n\"Meme\"“Your DIFFERENCE is your BEAUTY.”
\n
\n
“But the Lord said to Samuel, \"Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.\"”\n‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭16:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\nI came to the mountains yesterday to visit my brother and some friends one more time before I go back to West Virginia. The rest of my visit is booked with the Denver family, so this is my last trip here for a while.\n

The traffic coming out of Denver was terrible. It seems everyone and their brother had the same idea to head to the mountains for the weekend and a normally three hour trip took four-and-a-half. Seriously though, if you have to get stuck in traffic somewhere, I can think of far worse places than the middle of the Rockies. I had my praise music cranked up and sat staring at the beauty all around me and my heart was full.

\n

When I arrived in Glenwood Springs, I turned onto 8th Avenue and the first parking spot opened up. I smiled and thought of my dad’s second wife. Whenever we drove someplace and a parking space opened right when we got there she said, “Thank you, Lord.” I did the same. I wandered around the downtown area and saw some people I have known for years, having lived in the area from 1986 to 2014. I browsed the little shops. I ran into a friend who recently lost her husband and finally got to give her that big hug I’ve been wanting to share.

\n

I was looking for a dress for Mr. FixIt’s granddaughter’s wedding in August, but couldn’t find anything I liked. So I wandered down the street to one of my favorite restaurants…a little Cajun place with great jambalaya and beignets. My wait person arrived and took my order. This was a person whose gender is ill defined. Delightful, friendly, efficient, attentive and…different. I have a daughter who is outside of a binary gender identification. Her pronoun is feminine. Sometimes her look is, too. And sometimes it is not. She has always been unique.

\n

As I watched my waitperson, I thought about this small town and how difficult it was just fifteen years ago to be different than the other kids. My daughter suffered terribly at the hands of bullies. Today, I believe those kids who were marginalized in the past are being embraced more readily by their peers.

\n

Delightfully stuffed, I figured in a generous tip and wrote the following on the receipt.

\n

“Your difference is your beauty. I hope you have a wonderful day! ❤”

\n

You never know whose life you may touch when you are out and about. Whether you agree with a person’s lifestyle or not, always choose kindness.

\n

❤

\n

 

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-15T01:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/15/your-difference-is-your-beauty.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Grace","Love","Wisdom","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/12/the-pillar-of-truth.html", "title": "The Pillar of Truth", "content_html": "
\n\"The\n
    “The Legend if the Pillar of Truth”
\n
\n
“Now, faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 KJV
\nOnce upon a time, in a beautiful palace in Heaven, the was a crystal pillar resting on a stand. It was The Pillar of Truth. There were no flaws within this crystal and every angle reflected the perfect truth to its observers. This was a cherished object in Heaven. There were a band of angels whose job it was to polish this stunning pillar til it glistened in the sunlight that filtered into the palace.\n

On occasion, a novice pillar polisher would be needed and some young angel would get the opportunity to become an apprentice. This was a great honor, as all of the truth was held within this stone. The angels took their assignment quite seriously.

\n

One day, a new novice crept into the pillar room to gaze upon the glorious piece. She couldn’t get enough of it during the long hours of polishing so she had to come in alone while the other angels were sleeping. As she stared into the depths of the crystal, she felt she could literally reach inside and learn vast, great things. She reached out and placed her hand on the cold surface and could feel the energy within. She was mesmerized. When she finally pulled her hand away, she could see a distinct smudge on the surface and she was appalled. She whipped out her polishing cloth and rushed forward to wipe away the mess she had made.

\n

As the little angel plunged forward, her toe caught on the hem of her robe and she stumbled into the pillar. It rocked and tipped. She stood there and held her breath, hoping it would right itself, but instead…the great Pillar of Truth tipped over, crashing onto the marble floor into a million gazillion tiny slivers. Oh! What ever was she going to do? Surely the sound of the great crash would bring the other angels running in any minute! She ran to the closet and grabbed a large broom and began to sweep the tiny shards out the door of the palace where they fell onto the surface of a cloud.

\n

As the slivers built up within the cloud, moisture began to gather on them and just as the last dustpan full of shards were dropped onto the cloud, a great strike of lightning and clap of thunder resounded throughout Heaven and a heavy rain began to shower earth.

\n

As the rain came down, everyone on earth came out to look in awe, because every drop of rain held a rainbow…a prism of light reflected off the tiny slivers of The Pillar of Truth. They held their faces up to the warm rain and when they did so, the tiny shards from the pillar pierced their eyes. They felt no pain, but they knew something was different. They knew, without a shadow of a doubt that what they saw, what they knew, what they had learned, and what they believed was THE truth. The ONLY truth

\n

And this is how it happened that people all over the world, in every walk of life, in every faith, with every dogma came to believe that their way was the ONLY way. That others were wrong if they believed differently. This perceived “truth” fractured the world and caused deep rifts between the many factions of society.

\n

I am a Christian. This is how I identify. I love the Lord. I follow Him as best I can. I know I will differ with some. There are many paths in this world. I choose the one with Jesus. I am willing to share mine. I am willing to learn of yours. And, I will not ever tell you you are wrong and only I am right. As far as I know, there has not been a team of investigative journalists go to Heaven, document how it all works, and come back with the evidence. For me, personally…I have faith that there is a Heaven. I believe Hell is the complete absence of God…a place I have been and never wish to return to.

\n

Every branch of Christianity, every walk of faith thinks their way is the only way. They all have a shard from The Pillar of Truth in their eye. What is the exact answer? This is where faith come in. ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-12T01:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/12/the-pillar-of-truth.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/08/rocky-mountain-high-altitude.html", "title": "Rocky Mountain High (Altitude)", "content_html": "

\"“The “The Reel Sisters” by Michelle Cummings

\n
“When he came down from the mountain, great crowds followed him. And behold, a leper came to him and knelt before him, saying, \"Lord, if you will, you can make me clean.\" And Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, \"I will; be clean.\" And immediately his leprosy was cleansed. And Jesus said to him, \"See that you say nothing to anyone, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer the gift that Moses commanded, for a proof to them.\"”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭8:1-4‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\nI’m finally acclimating to the altitude. It always takes me three days to start feeling like myself when I first get here. I go through everything from feeling lethargic to feel nauseated to sever headache. I take a supplement when I get there called “Altitude Adjustment”. I get it at a ski shop. I think it really helps, but who knows? Maybe it’s three days whether I take it or not. At any rate, I am always glad to get those three days behind me.\n

In the past, I’ve made the mistake of heading to the mountains as soon as I get here. I lived here for forty years and never considered the altitude to be a problem until I moved to West Virginia. But anymore, I can’t just jump in and start playing at 5,280 feet. It doesn’t hurt you to take your time anyway. I’ve really enjoyed leisurely morning coffee with my son-in-law’s parents, drawing and playing with Little, visiting with the kids, having lunch with my nephew, reading my friend Michelle’s new book and taking naps.

\n

I went to Red Rocks Church last night. It is very similar to our home church in Parkersburg. There was a pastor visiting from Dallas who spoke on the Sermon on the Mount and the healing of the leper. The underlying premise was encouraging us to run TOWARDS the messes in our lives. We usually try to avoid the ugly, uncomfortable, messy parts of life or people. Running towards the mess gives us the opportunity to extend true love to marginalized people…people who may, like the leper, go most of their lives not feeling the love of another human being. As always, I came out feeling uplifted and renewed.

\n

I’m heading to the mountains for a few days. There are people to see and places to go. I’ll bring you along for the ride! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-08T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/08/rocky-mountain-high-altitude.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Comfort"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/02/making-room-for-god.html", "title": "Making Room For God", "content_html": "

\"Sunset “Sunset over The Ponderosa”

\n
“Yet another said, \"I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.\" Jesus said to him, \"No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.\"”\n‭‭Luke‬ ‭9:61-62‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\nWe lead such busy lives these days. Honestly, I’m not sure how I accomplished all this AND worked 60 hours a week AND all that comes with kids, grandkids, a husband, a house, and a dog. Things slipped through the cracks all the time. Papers piled up, as did the dishes and the laundry. Bills were occasionally overlooked and late. I did everything half-a$$ed and nothing especially well. The one thing I didn’t do was have a relationship with God.\n

Oh, it’s not like I ignored Him completely. I was always whispering to him with requests. “Please, Lord” this and “Please Lord” that. But to actually invest myself in a relationship? Not a chance. I didn’t have time. I put Him on the back burner like the quilt I was going to finish and never did.

\n

Then, my life started unraveling. “I” started unraveling and it wasn’t till I hit rock bottom that I said “Ok, ok…I surrender!” And even then…I wanted God on MY terms. I wanted to go to church when it was convenient. I wanted to LOOK like a Christian but I didn’t really want to pay the price for the privilege.

\n

We had a guest pastor at church yesterday. Pastor Pace spoke on “filling this house”. And before we can fill this “house”, we have to fill ourselves. His three points in summary were…

\n

We have to acknowledge a NEED for Jesus.

\n

We have to acknowledge the COST to us of our faith.

\n

And, we have to seek a relationship with Christ.

\n

He asked us…if Jesus was creating a Facebook profile and we were writing it, how would we describe him? Do we have a sort of latte-sipping vision of Jesus? Meek, docile, roaming from town to town speaking encouraging words to the masses? Pastor Pace said he sees Jesus as an adventurer, muscular and wiry. He was a visionary, and revolutionary figure. He walked into places and turned the status quo upside down. He was powerful and perfect, loving and kind. He sought out the least of society. He healed with nothing more than the touch of His garment. He was someone people followed.

\n

The pastor went on to say there were those who pledged to follow Jesus…but. “I will follow you…but let me bury my father.” “I will follow you…but let me say goodbye to the people in my house. Jesus wasn’t interested in those who would not drop what they were doing and immediately go with Him. He wants us to be “full on” followers. But we can’t do it with commitment alone.

\n

If we aren’t fully vested in following Jesus, committing ourselves to more faith won’t work. The strongest place to meet Jesus is in surrender. Fully surrendering acknowledges the NEED. It acknowledges the COST to us. And, it seeks a true relationship.

\n

I loved the visual at the end of the message. Pastor Pace had us stand up and raise our hands if we wanted to truly surrender and step into a relationship like never before. He had us move back in our rows as far as we could. And on the count of three, take a step forward. All of us…hands raised…took that step forward. Moments like that…that statement of faith…are so beautiful and touching. It was lovely to see all across the church…everyone doing the same thing. And to feel equally yoked with a partner who shares my faith makes me feel stronger and more grounded. That…relationship. That…give and take. Having each other’s back. It feels so good. ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-02T01:30:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/02/making-room-for-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/27/its-popsicle-time.html", "title": "It’s Popsicle Time!", "content_html": "

\"Popsicle\" “There’s nothing more soothing than a Popsicle when you are recovering from surgery!”

\n
“For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord...'”\n‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭30:17‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\nI cannot remember a time in my life that didn’t include Popsicles. One of my earliest memories is my mom breaking a twin pop to share with my brother on a hot summer day. Orange was always my favorite, but grape runs a close second. Or is it cherry? I never liked banana. Other than that, it was fair game.\n

As I was recuperating from this surgery, some things became apparent to me. The last time I had surgery was in 1999 when I had my sinuses done. Not a pleasant surgery with nasal splints and sleeping sitting up in a recliner. But still, I was 46. It was a relative walk in the park. As we…ummmm, “ripen”…we don’t bounce back quite as fast as we used to. Anesthesia and 3-4 Vicodin over a 24 hour period and I was toast. The pain was well-controlled, but I just hate the feeling narcotics gives me so I switched to Tylenol. Everything was going along pretty well, except I was really tired. Then, Monday night the pain hit. A burning, stabbing pain deep in the area where the tumor was removed kept me awake all night. I finally drifted off around 5:00am and slept a couple of hours.

\n

As I lay there awake, I read the Bible, did my devotionals, caught up with everyone on Facebook, chatted with my son-in-law’s mom in the middle of the night, and Googled “pain after excisional biopsy of the breast”. It seems to be pretty normal to get to the fourth or fifth day and start feeling some pretty significant twinges in the surgical area. For one thing, all the numbing and anesthesia is completely gone. Things are starting to knit back together and that means some nerve pain as you heal. The area where my tumor was is directly behind the nipple and that is some pretty tender territory. Remember nursing? That little baby latching on with jaws of steel could send you through the roof. Imagine getting sliced and diced in that general area and no sweet baby to distract you.

\n

I gave up trying to sleep and headed to town with Mr. FixIt for several errands. When we were finished, we went to the farm so he could finish mowing. I spoke with my uncle on Monday and he and my aunt (his and my mom’s sister) are coming Thursday for an overnight visit. I needed to get the house in tip top shape for company so I spent the afternoon fixing up the three beds with fresh sheets, airing out the house, and sweeping up a winter’s worth of dead Asian Lady Bugs in the upstairs bedrooms. I washed bedding and fluffed and primped everything to perfection. I’m really looking forward to them coming and staying the night. It’s my first family company since I took over the caretaking duties at the farm. This is the aunt who lived at the farm for years and it is her first visit back since she went to live with her brother. I want her to enjoy it and feel pampered.

\n

I’ll make them some yummy treats for Thursday. His favorite is yellow cake with penuche frosting. Hers is butterscotch pie. I’m so excited to see them! We’ll drive up the new road behind the farm that goes out to the compressor station they are building. That might be bittersweet for them. I know it is for me.

\n

And now, the news we have all been waiting for. I received my biopsy report yesterday. The tumor was indeed a fibroadenoma. It is the most common benign breast mass. Benign = NOT CANCER! The other day I was talking about when I was prayed over and anointed. And it turns out to be benign. I want to point out something. Yes, God can still heal. He can perform miracles. AND…there are plenty of wonderful, GOOD Christians who pray faithfully and they still get cancer. Cancer doesn’t play favorites. It doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care if you are rich or poor, black or white or any other color of the rainbow. It doesn’t care if you’re a Christian or a Jew or a Muslim or an atheist. It doesn’t care. Something triggers cells to multiply abnormally. It’s as simple as that. My faith tells me God can answer prayers. And sometimes…unfortunately…the answer is no and a bad diagnosis comes. It is one of the horrible thieves that rob us of life and health. I am very grateful that my (and your) prayers were answered in a positive way. Thank you so much for caring. Now I don’t have to worry about that anymore. Just rest and heal and head to Colorado in a week!!! ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-27T01:30:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/27/its-popsicle-time.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/26/killing-the-spider.html", "title": "Killing the Spider", "content_html": "\"\"\n
“In that day you will ask nothing of me. Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.”\n‭‭John‬ ‭16:23-24‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\nI used to hear “Wouldn’t it be awesome if people wouldn’t leave their houses without their Bibles like they worry about forgetting their cellphones?” Now, unless you have a phone from the stone ages, you can download the Bible app and have it with you wherever you go.\n

I had the app on my phone for a long time before I regularly used it. I guess I sort of thought I would absorb it by osmosis or something. But, like taking a necessary medication, it doesn’t work if you leave it on the shelf. You have to do your part and read.

\n

Along with the Bible app comes a feature that allows you to participate in devotionals. You can gather groups to do these devotionals with you. My small group at church does this together. It’s nice having a sense of community and having some accountability to study the Word every day. I actually participate in several devotionals. One I really enjoy comes by e-mail from the Proverbs 31 Ministry. Yesterday morning, I received one written by Carlos Whittaker entitled “Kill the Spider”. Carlos was about to attend a weeklong “therapy” session but told his dad he was going on a “retreat”. It sounded gentler. His father, being a minister, said he wanted to tell him a story. He had once held a week long Revival in Panama. A woman came forward, painstakingly slow, and asked that he pray to have the cobwebs removed from her life. He prayed fervently for her. The next night, the same woman came forward, a bit more energetically, and requested the same prayer. Hesitating, he did so. By the third night, the woman was much improved, but again, asked for the cobwebs to be removed from her life. He stopped and said, “I think we are praying for the wrong thing.” He bowed his head and said, “Lord, please come kill the spider that is creating cobwebs in this woman’s life!”

\n

What a wonderful lesson this was. We all have cobwebs. We all have spiders. It doesn’t make any sense to pray for the removal of the cobwebs…the after effects of the spiders in our lives. We must eradicate the spiders…those people and circumstances that are causing the problems we have to clean up after. Sometimes we just have to clean house and get rid of the spiders. I shared this with a couple of my friends yesterday who remarked that sometimes they have tarantulas! So true!

\n

What spiders are filling your lives with cobwebs today? Do you want to keep sweeping out the corners, or are you ready to kill the spider? As Carlos reminds us, we have the same power within us that rolled away the stone. Draw on that power. Believe in that power and it is amazing what changes God can bring about in your life. ❤

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-26T01:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/26/killing-the-spider.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","Grace","God","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/25/the-difference-in-one-letter.html", "title": "The Difference in One Letter", "content_html": "

\"Feather\" “Your focus will dictate how you fare in this life.”

\n
“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭138:8‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\nMedication.\n

Meditation.

\n

The difference is in the focus. Where we put our energy. Where we let our thoughts go. What we believe will work.

\n

I opted for the “quick fix” back in the day. I had an inordinate amount of trust in doctors and Western Medicine. I trusted in the diagnosis. I was younger. More naive. I craved escape. I was afraid. Of everything…life, love, and losing it all. And, consequently…I nearly did.

\n

When we are faced with life’s troubles, we have choices. We can run and hide. We can deny and bargain. We can grit our teeth. We can escape in the clouds of drugs and alcohol. Or, we can face the truth, stand as tall as we can, and surrender to a higher power than ourselves.

\n

Control. Oh, we do so want control, don’t we? We want to control the process. We want to control the outcome. We want to control the pain. But we don’t really have the control when it comes to circumstances. It’s life. It’s messy. It’s sometimes hard. It’s oftentimes more beautiful than we have words to describe.

\n

I remember when I first started recovering from the overdose and subsequent divorce. I bought self-help books. I was confused by terms like “boundaries” and “values”. I questioned my purpose in life. I struggled along for four years trying to get a handle on how to be a “normal”, functioning adult. Then my mom died and I turned from the self-help section to God. I was obviously not helping myself very well. I needed help from the Master. I bought The Purpose Driven Life and things started to change for me. I have come to realize the bottom line is…if you have a pulse, you have a purpose. And if you listen, God will tell you what that purpose is.

\n

I’m being gentle with myself this week. This was NOT a big surgery. I’ve had much, much worse, but I wasn’t sixty-five then. I can’t control my age or my body’s reaction to anesthesia and medication. I can control my response. I can rest and pray and meditate instead of medicate. Each day is better than the one before it. ❤️

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-25T01:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/25/the-difference-in-one-letter.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/22/thank-you-god.html", "title": "Thank You, God!", "content_html": "

\"Ice “Ice Cream and Miracles!”

\n
“When that day comes, you won’t ask me any more questions. I can guarantee this truth: If you ask the Father for anything in my name, he will give it to you.”\n‭‭John‬ ‭16:23‬ ‭GW‬‬
\nThe doctor came in and said all the worrisome tissue was removed and from his experience, he was sure the tumor is benign. No lifting or raising my arms for a few days. No shower for 48 hours then just gentle cleansing for two weeks. The skin was closed with SuperGlue with dissolving stitches in the layers below. No riding mower, pool, or hot tub for two weeks. I have to wear a tight sports bra for support and compression for the next few weeks.\n

On the way home, there was a terribly hard rain with localized flooding. We went north to take the interstate and avoid the flooded roads in town. As soon as we pulled on the highway, it started raining so hard the windshield wipers could not keep up. There were cars pulled off with their flashers on. We turned ours on and crept along. I grabbed the cross I have hanging in the truck and said, “Jesus! Take this storm away!!!” I kid you not, we didn’t drive fifty more feet and the sky immediately lightened up and the rain nearly stopped!

\n

We stopped on the way home and bought ice cream. The surgeon told me he had injected the surgical site with lidocaine so it wouldn’t smack me with pain when I first woke up. By the time we got home it was wearing off, so I ate my ice cream, took a pain pill, and went to bed. The pathology report will be back by the middle of next week then I follow up with the surgeon a couple of days before I head to Colorado.

\n

When we got home, there was NO water in the basement!

\n

Thank you all so much for your love and prayers.

\n

God is SO good!!! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-22T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/22/thank-you-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/21/flying-my-kite.html", "title": "Flying My Kite", "content_html": "

\"Flying “God is the tail of my kite…He anchors me.”

\n
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”\n‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭KJV‬‬
\nWhen I was a little girl, my daddy always brought me a paper kite at the beginning of summer vacation. It was in a long, narrow plastic sleeve. You got two flat sticks, one long...one shorter...with slots cut in each end. You got a sheet of thin paper and some string. You fastened the two sticks in a cross shape first. Then you stretched your string around from end to end of the sticks, making a kite-shaped frame. You laid the frame on the paper and folded the edges over the string and glued them closed. Once the glue was dried, you attached string loosely from top to bottom and from side to side so you had something to attach the kite to the kite string with. The last thing you did was affix a tail. They didn’t give you this. You usually used some scrap material you had handy. You tore the material into two or three long strips about an inch wide. You cut one or two of the long strips into shorter pieces...maybe 4-5” long. These you tied every 6 inches or so down the long strip. Then you attached that long strip to the bottom of your kite and it became the tail.\n

Have you ever tried to fly a kite without a tail? You can’t. The wind picks it up then it goes around and around in frantic circles until it crashes down to the ground. My dad taught me you had to have an anchor so your kite would fly high and true.

\n

Life is like that, isn’t it? You need something to anchor you in life or you just go around and around in circles. I spent a lot of my life unanchored. I crashed and crashed and crashed…over and over. I have heard it said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.” If this is true, how many of us are “insane”?

\n

The secret to flying a kite successfully is letting go. You send the kite up in the air till the wind catches it, then you hold on to this little, tiny string. Not too tight…not too loose. You let the string out as the wind lifts the kite higher and higher. The anchor kept the kite upright and steady.

\n

In my life, I found the only logical thing to do was to make God my anchor. It was He who was the most reliable. He wasn’t going anywhere. I had to participate. I had to hold the string and keep a watch on it as best I could. I had to do what I could to steer it from hazards like trees and electrical wires. I had to learn when to let it out, and when to reel it back. But, I had to let go of the tail. I had to let God do His thing so I could fly high and strong.

\n

Today, I am having surgery. It’s not big deal, really. It’s called a “wire-guided excisional biopsy of the right breast”. This lump will be removed and sent to the lab where it will be prepared and observed under a microscope. The pathologist will review the slides and a diagnosis will be given. I am firmly convinced it is benign and we are just exercising an abundance of caution. That being said, no surgery is without risks and I will be getting general anesthesia. I’m not worried though. Because…I understand the risks, I have confidence in my doctors, and I have a really strong tail on my kite. God has this. If it’s good news…awesome. I’m done with it and can get on with my life. If it’s bad news, then God will use whatever comes my way to teach me, mold me, humble me, and remind me to come to Him when things are hard. It really is that simple.

\n

I know this because I have faith. ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-21T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/21/flying-my-kite.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/17/drink-coffeepray-boldly.html", "title": "Drink Coffee...Pray Boldly", "content_html": "

\"Prayer “Pray BOLDLY at every opportunity…even at coffee with the girls.”

\n
“If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.”\n‭‭James‬ ‭1:5-8‬ ‭MSG‬‬
\nYesterday was coffee day with the girls...those magnificent ‘71 Divas from my high school class. We didn’t all know each other in high school. We really became most acquainted through Facebook and efforts to gather as many classmates as possible for class reunions, dinners, picnics, and the like. We are, all to often it seems, meeting at funeral homes anymore. I decided four years ago us gals need to get together and form a tribe...a sense of community of the feminine...when I came back to West Virginia to live. Now, we look at our monthly meetings as caffeine fueled talk therapy and I’ve seldom missed it.\n

There weren’t as many gals gathered yesterday. Illness, hospitalization, vacations, and general summer business kept many of our regulars away. There were also a few who came that don’t get to attend very often. It’s always a different group but the dynamic is the same. We are there to have fun, let our hair down, laugh a lot, and offer support to one another as we learn what’s new in each other’s lives.

\n

My friend Diane came and brought me one-third of my birthday present. She called the other day and wanted to meet up with me. We had a miscommunication and she ended up waiting for 45 minutes out at the farm and when it got too hot and I didn’t show up, she went home. She had to take my gifts with her…two-thirds of which were perishable. Yesterday, she gave me my card. Imagine my dismay when I learned of the flowers and chocolate covered strawberries she had brought me Wednesday! I felt so awful about that…she went to so much trouble. But, we laughed it off. She gave the flowers to a friend she had dinner with that night and ate the strawberries on the way home so all was not lost!

\n

When the majority of the gals had left for the day, my friend Lisa and I sat and talked to one of our friends who hung behind. She confided that we looked like someone who could help her. She had a prayer request. We talked about it a while, offering advice and comfort. When she asked for prayers, Lisa (you remember her from a previous post a month or two ago) took our friend’s hand and said, “Well, let’s just pray now.” The three of us sat in a very public area of the historic hotel where we gather, held hands and prayed together. Boldly. Unashamed. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even think about it until later.

\n

There was a time in my life when I looked at people praying over their meal in a restaurant or holding hands together in public, praying, and I felt…I don’t know…uncomfortable, self-conscious, embarrassed for them? I was decidedly unenlightened in those days yet I thought I was SO evolved. In the last several years, I have become much bolder with prayer. There is no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed to offer prayer anytime the Spirit moves you or you are asked. I was really happy to be able to pray with my friends. I always ask God to bring me more prayer opportunities and the bravery to carry them out. It is an honor and a privilege.

\n

Today is Father’s Day. For some of you, it is the first without your loved one and the firsts are hard…and sometimes the third and the tenth and….. Please know that I will pray boldly for you today that you know God is with you to offer comfort and solace in your broken places. You are so loved! ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-17T01:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/17/drink-coffeepray-boldly.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/12/the-long-way-round.html", "title": "The Long Way ‘Round", "content_html": "

\"Church “This is how we party…lifting up the name of Jesus!”

\n
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\nI was so tired Sunday night and didn’t write a post because I went to church twice and spent the afternoon with family. Sunday night, our church celebrated it’s third birthday. They started out with a little over a hundred people and met in an area restaurant. Now there are four services every Sunday and well over 2,000 people who attend. That kind of growth in a church today is unusual. The forward-thinking pastors of our church were given a vision of creating a different kind of church. One where everyone would be welcome. A come-as-you-are kind of place. A church home that greets you at the door with high-fives and holding up signs in the parking lot with messages like “You made it!” and “Come sit with us!”\n

The Sunday evening service was a true celebration and the volunteers were honored for all their hard work. There was an extended worship and the praise team plays this one song that really gets people up and excited. “This is How We Party” by Equippers Revolution is upbeat and fun and lifts up the name of Jesus. Everyone in the place was up on their feet dancing and joyous, arms stretched up, praising. We ended by taking Communion. I get chill-bumps when I go there.

\n

I had never been to a church like this before. Most of the sermons I ever sat through as a kid had me counting the moments before it was time to get the heck out of there. Therefore, as an adult, I went as far away from Christianity as I could get. I started going to a contemporary church service with my dear friends Bob and Ellie when I became a Christian. There is a particular church in Denver I love as well. But I was concerned when I moved to West Virginia. I wasn’t sure I would find the kind of church I had become accustomed to. And it took a while. I church shopped for over a year before I found this one. I literally stumbled upon it. Or was I led? More likely the latter.

\n

I jumped and danced so much Sunday, I was exhausted. But exhilarated. Too many churches are dying because they do not appeal to the younger generations. This church has a vibrant, well-attended youth ministry. A large portion of the building is dedicated to children’s classes. This is the first time in my life that I have looked forward to going to church every Sunday. I really, really miss it if we can’t get there. I love that church is fun. That I can celebrate my relationship with Jesus surrounded by a loving, supportive church family. I love that every single weekend, the message speaks to me personally. I feel the Holy Spirit move there.

\n

I think of my grandparents and the little white church on the hill. These services aren’t anything like theirs. They truly wouldn’t understand what was happening. You never danced and shouted in church back then save for the occasional well-placed “Amen!” Even with all that, I think my grandma would be so happy that I have become a Christian. I came to Jesus the long way ‘round. I wish she could see the woman I’ve become. My mom, too. I’ll see them someday and tell them all about it. ❤

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-12T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/12/the-long-way-round.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/04/grace.html", "title": "Grace", "content_html": "

\"Scripture “Live a life worthy of the calling you have been given.” Ephesians 4:1

\n

My daughters hit the jackpot when they chose their mates. Both well suited for their personalities and life goals. I remember when Daughter #1 was dating her husband twenty-some years ago. He and I ran to the store one day and there was a couple walking ahead of us. They wore black leather and had multiple tattoos and piercings. Their hair was spiked all over. I slipped my hand through my future son-in-law’s arm and said, “Ahhhhh, there but for the grace of God. I’m so happy she chose you.” Then, Daughter #2 became the one with multiple tattoos and weird color hair. I looked down at the “strange” people and my beautiful daughter, who has always danced to her own music, chose a highly unconventional lifestyle. That, my dears, is Karma.

\n

Our guest Pastor yesterday spoke about Grace. Grace is the opposite of Karma. Karma is…you get what you deserve. “What goes around, comes around.” God’s Grace is…”I will look past your flaws and love you AND I will not give you what you truly deserve.” It was an inspiring sermon.

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I woke up late yesterday and the thought went through my mind to just skip church. Just turn over and go back to sleep. Have a lazy day. Fix a nice breakfast. Then I read a tweet from a gal I follow. She always has a Morning Munch and Night Owl Nugget…a scripture with a comment. Short and sweet. Yesterday’s tweet was the scripture above. It didn’t shame me. It motivated me. We are called to do great things. We should live a life that is worthy of that calling. I know I feel better when I’ve gone to church. I feel that sense of community. And I always hear exactly what I need to hear in the present moment. Here’s how I know the Holy Spirit speaks to me. Because, the guest speaker spoke on Grace. When he got to the end of his sermon…he spoke these exact words. “Live a life worthy of the calling you have been given.”

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Chills.

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I love when that happens. When I know exactly when God speaks to me. I’ve been struggling a little the last couple of weeks. I know it’s a grief wave. And, I know it is exacerbated by the fact that I got my Medicare card and my 65th birthday is right around the corner. I’ve also had a few medical things going on that we’re checking out. Nothing serious, I don’t think. But some tests that I’m not looking forward to. It’s life. These things happen. But grief has changed my coping skills. Some are better. Some are worse. Knowing that God was teaching me, in that moment, to live a life that is worthy, not only of the calling I’ve been given, but of the GRACE I’ve been granted.

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Some of you write the most lovely comments here. You say things like “You have a way with words.” And, “It’s like you’re in my head. You say what I am thinking and can’t articulate.” I am here to tell you…that is the Grace of God. I am not that talented of a writer. I came so very close to flunking senior English in high school. God has graced me with the words He wants me to say. Everything I have, everything I do…everything I AM is because of the Grace of God. I am alive today because of the Grace of God. I have a beautiful family because of the Grace of God. I found love after loss because of the Grace of God.

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“There, but for the Grace of God, go I.” I never want to forget that. ❤

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“…live a life worthy of the calling you have received.”\n‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-04T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/04/grace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/30/tread-lightly.html", "title": "Tread Lightly", "content_html": "

\"Bison “Bison in front of the Grand Tetons, Yellowstone National Park”

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Oh, those Facebook memories. They used to slay me. I’d finally be feeling halfway like myself, to the point where I didn’t cry every d*** day, when one of those pages from the past would show up and rip my heart wide open again. I am pleased to say, it’s been a while since I’ve had that kind of reaction to something as unbidden as photos from a favorite vacation.

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Yesterday, just such a memory popped up. Mr. Virgo loved going to Yellowstone National Park and seeing the Grand Tetons. We went two or three times in the seven-and-a-half years we were together. He was quite the photographer and I am so happy I have so many of his beautiful photos. This was taken on our last vacation together. We did a float trip down the Snake River that year. We spent a week exploring. We saw grizzlies, eagles, bison, deer, elk, owls, coyotes, antelope…it was amazing.

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Yesterday was a good day. Mr. FixIt and I worked hard…it was mowing day. We have lots of rain forecast in the next few days so we needed to get that done. It was hot, but we stayed in the AC during the worst of it in the afternoon and headed back out just as the sun started to head over the wooded ridge beyond the far field. When we were done, we enjoyed a refreshing couple of hours in the pool. When I settled in to write my post, this photo showed up. The more time that passes since Mr. Virgo’s death, the wider the chasm between then and now becomes.

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Grief is so weird. Sometimes things that you THINK would upset you are nothing. Other times, the smallest thing can trip you up and send you down the tubes. This was a good day. This was a good memory, a good vacation. This was a good marriage, a good man, a good friend, a good life. And yesterday was a good day, a good memory, with a good man, a good friend, and a good life. The difference is time and perspective. It’s a new life. A different life. A good life. A fun life.

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Yes…grief is weird. ❤

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“The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭37:23-24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-05-30T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/30/tread-lightly.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/29/walking-strong.html", "title": "Walking Strong", "content_html": "

\"Scripture\" “Remember, you have supernatural weapons to fight off evil.”

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I woke up in the early hours of the morning, that old familiar churning in the pit of my stomach. Feeling stretched too thin. Since Mr. Virgo died, I have struggled with grief and anxiety periodically. I’ll go long stretches and feel great. Nothing fazes me. Then, when I get over extended with too many obligations, or I get confronted with a memory or event that stirs my grief, I lose my focus.

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When I focus on God and put all my trust in Him, I do much better. When I lose that focus, I give Satan wiggle room to weasel his way into my thoughts. It would be different if this only happened once or twice in my life, but this happens over and over and over. Granted, farther apart than it used to but I want it gone for good.

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When I ask God to carry my burdens, he gladly does. I just forget to ask sometimes. That independent woman who thinks I ought to be able to buck up and take care of business gets in my way. I’m finally learning, when these moments occur, I need a good solid dose of Vitamin Jesus. His prescription pad is the Bible. When I turn to His Word for sustenance my anxiety eases. That knot in the pit of my stomach lets go.

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I was in small group from church a couple weeks ago. A strong woman I’ve met a few times was sitting to my right. She told a story about these people who came to her house for a visit. She is a widow and these people brought doom and gloom to her door. They were talking about illness and death and dying and this person was sick and that person died. (I don’t know if it’s a West Virginia thing or a Southern thing or if we get to a certain age, illness and death seem to be the main focus of any conversation.) Well, my new friend was having nothing of it. She said the visit was brief. She walked her guests to the door and once they left, she stood there…waving her arms in the air, pushing all that negative energy right out the door on the heels of those who brought it. She said, out loud, “You aren’t welcome here, Satan. Take your bad energy and thoughts and get right out of my house!” It was a lesson for me…an eye-opening experience.

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So, yesterday morning, when I awoke with that old familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach, instead of feeling sick all day and ruining the poolside BBQ we had planned, I turned to God’s Word for a little dose of Doctor J. I’m doing a 14 day bible study plan with the gals from my small group. It’s based on the work of Joyce Meyer. 2 Corinthians 10:4 was the verse she was discussing yesterday morning.

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We forget to take up our weapons sometimes. We forget these are not the slings and arrows of this world. These weapons have Divine Power. They hold the same Divine Power Jesus used to heal the sick and raise the dead and calm the seas. The very same power. God gave them to us. He sent his Holy Spirit to deliver them the day we gave our lives to follow Christ. These Powers are ours to use to defeat the enemy at every turn. We just have to remember they are there, believe in their strength, and pick them up.

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I love those moments when I turn to God and say, “Help! I’m drowning over here! I can’t do this.” I turn to His Word and he gives me this scripture. I was laying curled up in my bed, sure I was going to have to cancel the day’s fun activities when this started. Within a few moments, I flung the enemy and his stinkin’ thoughts right out the window. I mean, I sat up, physically brushed all that negative crap off of me and went all Pentecostal and said…out loud…”Be gone! Get out of here. You are not welcome in my home and in my life!” Within 10 minutes or so, I felt 100% better. The knot in my stomach was gone. The feeling of dread vanished. The nausea ceased. And I felt like a new person.

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When they say there is power in the name of Jesus, they really aren’t kidding. Demons flee at the sound of His Name. Don’t forget to use that power when you need it. And…walk STRONG! ❤

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“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭10:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-29T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/29/walking-strong.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/16/im-walkin-on-sunshine.html", "title": "I’m Walkin’ on Sunshine", "content_html": "

\"Coffee “Sitting in the morning sun, coffee in hand, Country Living Magazine…birds and roosters entertaining me. It’s a beautiful life!”

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One of summer’s delights in the east…a warm morning spent outside reading and sipping my morning coffee. We’ve hit the summer thunderboomer circuit early this year here in West Virginia. The skies are brilliantly clear in the morning. The humidity is high from the rain the afternoon before. The temperature soars by noon and the thunderclouds begin to build till they boil over. Thunder, lightning, hail, high winds all can play havoc with your plans.

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Mowing seems to be the big thing around here in the summer. I have to say, I did not miss lawn care and home maintenance in the years I traveled and lived in TOW-Wanda. It was a welcome break. But now that I have the chance to dive into the great outdoors and get dirty and sweaty, I have to admit, it beats going to a gym any day of the week.

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I mowed with the self-propelled push mower at the farm yesterday. What a workout! The yard is well over an acre, the temperature in the high eighties, the humidity sticky and thick. With my propensity towards heat exhaustion, I only mowed 15-20 minutes at a time, then took a break to rehydrate and lay in front of the fan. At that rate, it took me five hours to complete. It’s so beautiful when it’s finished. I took a few moments to just wander around and enjoy the surroundings. The rhododendron is just about to burst into bloom, as are the irises and peonies. The farm cats lazed around beneath the Rose of Sharon and the huge hydrangea bush along the creek. While the flowering quince is fading, the spice bush is in full bloom. I love this time of year.

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We are getting things geared up here at the Ponderosa to prepare for a summer of entertaining. Mr. FixIt has been working in the pool to get it open. We still need to pressure wash the deck but will wait for a dry spell. I’m heading out today for another road trip. This time I’ll be camping with the Girl Campers at a State Park in Ohio for a week. It’s a Mister Sister event so my mister will be joining me this weekend. I love camping with the girls! This year, our hostess…my dear friend Gail…is going to teach me to spin wool for sock yarn. I’ll have time to sit and knit on my socks and finally read my friend Michelle Cummins’ new book, The Reel Sisters. Peace and quiet in the beautiful woods surrounding one of my favorite campgrounds.

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As I sit here on the deck in the warm sunshine, a nice breeze blowing, listening to the rooster down the road, reading Country Living Magazine…my heart is overflowing with the blessings of my life. I’m such a far cry from the early days of my grief. The contrast is startling. The heart can mend itself…scarred, certainly. But infinitely full of hope. ❤️

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“So I rejoice, and I am glad. Even my body has hope.”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭16:9‬ ‭INternational Children’s Bible

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-16T06:39:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/16/im-walkin-on-sunshine.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/13/still-praying-together.html", "title": "Still Praying Together", "content_html": "

\"Good “My good friend, Lisa and me.”

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It was the fall of 1960 when I met Lisa. We were in second grade together in Mrs. Alexander’s room. It depends who you talk to. Some say Mrs. Alexander was a sweetheart. Others…not so much. She seemed to have one student every year that was on her black list. Nothing you could do would please her if you were on her dark side…and that is the unenviable position I found myself in during second grade.

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She made me nervous. And when I get nervous, I can’t eat. Every day I would try to eat my lunch because every day she saved my lunch tray to show my mom that I wasn’t eating. I always felt like I was in trouble. Mom took me to the doctor and he gave me a “tonic” that I took a spoonful of every day. Together, they decided Mom should pack my lunch. Maybe it was just the school food I didn’t like. But that wasn’t it. Even when I had my favorite foods in my cute little plaid lunch box, I just could not eat.

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One day, before lunch, I was standing in line to wash my hands in the bathroom. My stomach was churning and I knew I was going to have trouble eating. I was praying under my breath, when the little girl in front of me turned around and looked me straight in the eye. It was Lisa.

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“Are you praying?” she asked.

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I silently nodded my head and cast my eyes downward…ashamed to be in such a dire circumstance.

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“What are you praying about?”

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“Mrs. Alexander scares me and I can’t eat. Every day I get in trouble because I don’t eat my lunch. She even took me to the office and the Principal spanked me!” My words tumbled over each other as I confessed my self-perceived weakness.

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“Well, here…I’ll pray with you.” Lisa wrapped her arm around my shoulder and hugged me close and we both prayed that I could eat again and that Mrs. Alexander would leave me alone.

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I was stunned by her kindness. I was relieved beyond words. Someone cared. Someone understood me. Someone wanted to help me. And…it was a little girl I didn’t know. I instantly loved her.

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Amazingly, that is the last time I remember the whole lunch fiasco. I don’t remember if my appetite returned, but I do know we moved shortly after that and I started attending a new school. I never had to deal with Mrs. Alexander again.

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Lisa and I attended high school together but we didn’t cross paths. We had a huge class and circles sometimes stuck to who you went to junior high with. However, several years later, I ran into Lisa at a high school reunion. She is an associate pastor now. I asked her if she remembered praying with me in the restroom before lunch that autumn day so long ago. But, alas…she did not. You see, Lisa was struck by a car as she crossed the street several years ago and very nearly died of her injuries. It left her with some long term memory loss. She was happy to know she helped me though, and we have become good friends.

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Lisa recently suffered a heart attack and we were absolutely thrilled when she came to coffee yesterday with the ‘71 Divas. She looks wonderful, healthy, strong. I couldn’t stop hugging her. She asked how Mr. FixIt was. She went all through school with him. Last year, when she found out we were dating, she literally jumped up out of her chair and threw her hands in the air and praised Jesus.

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“If there were anyone in the whole wide world I would want the two of you to have, it would be each other. This is PERFECT!” I couldn’t help but laugh and clap along with her exuberance. Lisa is wonderful. She is a straight shooter. She has seen her share of hardships in this life and has come out a loving, giving, God-centric woman and I love her dearly. I just wanted to share her with you today.

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Sending you love and light and prayers for continued good health, my friend. ❤

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“Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them."”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:19-20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-05-13T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/13/still-praying-together.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/11/keep-walking.html", "title": "Keep Walking", "content_html": "

\"Encouragement “Keep walking, dear one.”

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I have several people in my life who are walking a challenging path right now. From my cousin with mesothelioma to a friend’s first grandchild being born with physical challenges. From my friend who is selling the home she and her late husband raised their family in to the beautiful women in my small group from church who are facing some pretty big things right now. There are new widows and new moms and new grandmas out there who need extra love and support today. To all of you who are facing challenges…let me say this.

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You are beautiful.

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You are stronger than you think.

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You are loved.

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You are being prayed for.

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No matter how difficult and challenging life becomes…

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Stand up.

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Keep walking.

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Keep moving forward.

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You are worthy.

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You are enough.

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You are a Child of God.

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It’s ok to cry.

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It’s ok to not be ok.

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Just hang in there…things will get better. Maybe not right away…but they will get better.

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I love you.

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❤️

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“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”\n‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:29‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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#encouragement, #BuildingUp, #love

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-11T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/11/keep-walking.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/01/god-at-work.html", "title": "God at Work", "content_html": "

\"Power “A power washer in use.”

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It never ceases to amaze me at how God works in my life. He has His hand in every area of my life and I can prove it.

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First…I had a little medical issue come up. Something we’ve been watching for a while and now it’s to the point of having to investigate further. When I first heart that news, I must admit, a flutter of fear went through me. That was the day “Betty” wrote to me and instructed me to WALK STRONG. To profess Victory over my circumstances because the enemy wiggles in when we profess fear, anger, anxiety. Ever since that moment, I declared there was nothing wrong with me. I gave it to God. Then Sunday night I went to Revival and had Pastor Matt and the folks gathered to pray over me and anoint my head with oil. He declared that I would go to the doctor and everything was going to be benign, that the tumors would even shrivel up.

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I’ve read about faith healing before. I’ve heard the stories. I’ve seen charlatans take advantage of people and take their money. But, I’ve known Pastor Matt for a year now and I’ve come to know him as an honest, trustworthy young man and he has never steered me wrong. Yesterday, I went to the surgeon and he looked over everything and said there is only one tumor now and he is 99% sure it’s benign, but we’re going to biopsy it to be certain. Did the anointing change things? Did the prayer? Did my positive attitude and declaration change the course? Or, was the radiologist wrong? Or the family doctor? That is for you to decide. I will tell you this…I am a scientist and I would never ignore a lump in my breast and just pray it away. But the evidence is there…one of the lumps was clearly gone. And the other most assuredly benign. I’ll be happy to have that biopsy and hear that it is benign and all is well. Because, I serve a mighty God.

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It’s not just big things like health that God delivers either. Just the other day, I asked Mr. FixIt if he had a power washer. He said yes, but someone had borrowed it and it never worked right since. He thought he would have to take it apart and try to find parts for it in order to make it work. I would really love to power wash the deck around the pool this summer and water seal it, but power washers are expensive. I figured we’d just have to wait another year. In my prayers, I always thank God for His provision of everything I need. Yesterday afternoon, we went to Aldi’s to buy groceries and there…in a GROCERY store…sat a stack of power washers for $149.99!!! Mr. FixIt and I just dropped our jaws and looked at each other. I smiled and said, “The Lord always provides for us, sweetheart. Get another cart!”

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I love these stories. I love how these things just happen…over and over and over. It bolsters my faith and keeps me coming back for more. It emboldens me to share with you how absolutely cool God is. There was a time in my writing when I would shy away from ever speaking to you about such things for fear of alienating people. And every time I write these stories, two or three people stop following me. That’s ok…I’m not about the numbers that leave. I’m about the numbers that come. The ones who are led to the page for reasons they can’t even comprehend. Because that’s how God works. He leads us. He taps us on the shoulder. He whispers in our ears. It brings me great joy to listen and be obedient.

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Happy May Day, dear ones! ❤

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“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-01T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/01/god-at-work.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/20/no-apologies.html", "title": "No Apologies", "content_html": "

\"Unplug\" “It’s ok to unplug.”

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What happens when you have to “dig in and go dark?” When you have the diagnosis, you’ve gone through the years of treatments, nothing else is working, so your spouse makes the decision you have dreaded from the beginning…no more? That was the question posed to me. It’s different for everyone and I don’t know for sure…I haven’t suffered this particular hell. But, my answer was this. Do what you need to do and don’t apologize for it.

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Facebook has become a simplified way to let more distant family and friends know what’s going on during illness and the dying process. It tends to keep people from having to write the same story over and over. I suggested being honest. Tell them where you are in the decision process, explain you’re entering new territory with many unknowns that you’ll be learning to deal with as you go, and now…while you love each and every one and you covet their prayers…you have to unplug. Designate someone to let the closest people know what’s going on if you can’t do it.

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You don’t owe the world an explanation. I understand there will be those who feel left out or put out, but your time is best spent in communion with your loved one. You will have many demands on your time. Trying to update everyone on social media shouldn’t be one of them if it overwhelms you. From the other side of the coin, understand there’s a lot going on in a family whose loved one is dying and as much as you would like to know what’s going on, giving a family space and your prayers are the two best things you can do if you aren’t in the “inner circle.“

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Many of you have shared your experiences of going through this kind of loss. What kind of advice would you give to someone heading into the last part of the process? What helped you the most? What did you really need from people? How did you handle communications?

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Remember, when you’ve gone through loss and you’re functioning better and moving forward, don’t forget to turn back around and offer your hand to those coming up behind you on the same journey. Insight…it is one of the gems in the flame. ❤

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“…a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;”\n‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-04-20T01:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/20/no-apologies.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/19/start-the-conversation.html", "title": "Start the Conversation", "content_html": "
\n\n
\nMy friend Kimberly C. Paul interviewed me as one the first guests on her “Death by Design Podcast. She is a TedX speaker and the author of the recently release book, Bridging the Gap. (I’ll leave a link at the bottom of the page.) Kimberly worked for 18 years in Hospice and has gathered her experiences and stories together. She will have you smiling and crying and thinking as she covers the lessons her hospice patients taught her about life...and more importantly...death.\n

Death is largely swept under the rug in our society. We don’t want to talk about it. Too sad. Too scary. Too icky. We will plan the heck out of a surprise birthday party but leave our death up to our spouse or kids to clean up after. It’s like the baby that covers his eyes and thinks you can’t see him. You aren’t fooling anyone. We’re all going to die. Why not do it on our own terms?

\n

I was deeply moved by our former First Lady, Barbara Bush’s final decision. She’d been battling COPD and had endured numerous hospitalizations when she finally decided she didn’t want any more. It was ok. She’d made peace. I’m sure she’d made arrangements. She said, “No, I’m done.” She sat up in bed and laughed and drank good bourbon and surrounded herself with love. What grace.

\n

I’ve been hearing stories about my friend Fred who died this week. He had made a special point to visit and call people as he prepared for his own transition.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I arrived at my cousin’s house yesterday afternoon. We had a family dinner and laughed and told stories and then we talked about his decision to stop therapy for his mesothelioma. The prognosis is he’ll survive another six months. That’s two years longer than we first expected to have and we’ve been so grateful that the last two years have been so wonderful. We don’t want him to leave us. There will be a hole in our hearts. AND, we accept his decision. His wonderful family will support him and walk him home.

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I am providing my cousin’s wife with resources and phone calls and support and lots of love. I’m so happy to hear they’ve been having all the conversations they need to have. They done all the planning and the financial decisions. They’ve talked about their feelings. He’s made the decision to donate his body for research on mesothelioma. I am so encouraged by their ability to approach this with a steadfast love and respect.

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Starting the conversation isn’t easy but so important. It’s a gift you can give those who are left behind. ❤

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www.deathbydesign.com/buy-bridg…

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“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭11:14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-04-19T01:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/19/start-the-conversation.html", "tags": ["Faith","Comfort","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/17/faith-or-fear.html", "title": "Faith or Fear?", "content_html": "

\"Hands\" “Faith or Fear?”

\n

I love my readers. And I love how God uses them to teach me things. “Betty” (not her real name) sent me a message yesterday morning. She found a little typo and wanted to let me know. Everyone knows I’m a stickler for good grammar and I have a few who help me catch things when they slip through. She always signs off with “WALK STRONG.” I wrote back that I was trying, but I have a few things I’m facing in the coming weeks that I could use some extra prayers for. Immediately, “Betty” came back with a valuable reminder.

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God is omnipresent…He is everywhere and all powerful. The enemy is not. Our pastor says he is so small, he is under our boot. So he waits. And he listens. He finds weakness and exploits it. When we speak out loud and voice our fear or anger or doubt, he pounces on that and attacks us through our thoughts. So, we have to be careful about the words we confess…over ourselves, our circumstances, each other. “Betty” reminded me in order to defeat the enemy, we have to beat him at his own game and confess positive, Victory, light…all of which are God’s characteristics. She went on to say you have lay your burdens down at the foot of the cross and walk away. Ohhhhh…that is not an easy thing to do!

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“Betty” says…you can have Faith, or you can have fear. You can’t have both…you have to choose. I took that into my situation yesterday. I drove to town professing light, strength, courage, Victory. I laid everything down and walked away and was filled with an incredible sense of peace. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…” John 10:10 When you open yourself by confessing fears, you open the door and let the enemy in. “WALK STRONG!” I love that!

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Divine appointments. God makes appointments with us every day. He sends the Holy Spirit to counsel us. In this case, He sent “Betty” with word of a typo that turned into a valuable lesson of Faith for me. It literally changed my day. It doesn’t work if you don’t listen. And it doesn’t work if you don’t obey. This life gig is pretty cool if you think about it. We have this incredible supernatural Father that loves us, craves interaction with us, sends a Spirit to coach us and teach us and, dare I say, scold us when we need it. And all we have to do is trust, and believe, and listen, and follow directions. Amazing!

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Who is your “Betty” today? ❤

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“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”\n‭‭John‬ ‭10:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-04-17T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/17/faith-or-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Fear","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/12/missing-my-mom.html", "title": "Missing My Mom", "content_html": "

\"Sickness “Do you miss your mom when you’re sick?”

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I felt perfectly fine all day yesterday. I ran errands and visited with people. Then, at the end of the day, I got my bangs cut and my stylist said she had a sore throat and felt a cold coming on. By the time I got home, I was feverish, achy, stuffy, coughing…just, ugh. I’m sure I couldn’t possibly have gotten it from her that quickly, but it sure came on fast.

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I came home, used my Zicam and took DayQuil and slept for an hour. Used my inhaler. Took my vitamins. Drank tea. Did a tribal dance and twirled a dead chicken over my head. I’m kidding about the dead chicken, but I’d do just about anything to keep from getting a full fledged cold.

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Remember when you were a little kid and your mom would take care of you when you were sick? I liked that. Mom would put her cool hand on my fevered brow and go get the thermometer. She would give me a couple of baby aspirin or maybe a piece of that hideous Aspergum. Then she’d make toast and tea. Or milk toast…a slice of toast with warm milk poured over it and sprinkled with sugar. That I wasn’t crazy about. Sometimes she would cuddle me on her lap and sing “Bye-o Baby Buntin” then she would tuck me in and turn down the lights. If I was really sick, she pulled a chair up by my bed and read stories to me till I went to sleep. I miss my mom. Even today when I’m sick, I miss my mom. I have Mr. FixIt, thank God. But nothing ever replaces your mama’s hand on your fevered brow. ❤

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“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”\n‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭17:14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-04-12T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/12/missing-my-mom.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Comfort","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/10/a-moment-of-panic.html", "title": "A Moment of Panic...", "content_html": "

\"Computer “A Moment of Panic…”

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This is one of those moments when my mind ran about a hundred yards ahead of me and took me on a wild goose chase. A few days ago, when I was working hot and heavy on the taxes, I noticed some of my files on my new laptop had a red “x” on the upper left corner of the icon. I really didn’t take time to figure out what was going on because I had other fish to fry. When the taxes were finally completed Saturday, and I took a much needed day of rest on Sunday, I dove back in to the computer to find out what was going on.

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After checking, it seemed all of the files had some connection to OneDrive…Microsoft’s answer to Apple’s iCloud. Upon further investigation, I discovered Windows 10 automatically sets up OneCloud (ok, there may have been something I checked off when I set up the computer but at this point, I’ve forgotten). All of your pictures, documents, backups…you know…IMPORTANT stuff heads to outer space to be stored in some server somewhere. It was SO enticing, this “free” service Microsoft provided you. (Ok, now I remember…I DID make a choice. sigh) Did it occur to me what would happen once my laptop started vomiting 13,000 photos into a bunch of zeros and ones and that free storage was eaten up? Oh, heck no!

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Eat it up it did and somewhere around the time I was backing up Quicken and TurboTax, I got a little message. “Your OneCloud is full.” When I finally got back to it yesterday morning, I went on the Microsoft site and looked for help. Reading the directions meant nothing. I went on chat. I was “number 64…please don’t move away from this page or you’ll lose your place in line.” An hour later, “Czar Niña”…I kid you not, that was the name…came on and tried to help me. Turn this off. Disconnect that. Reboot.

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“If I reboot, I’ll lose you!” I said.

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“Don’t worry…I’ll be here.” the Czar typed back.

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I rebooted.

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Gone.

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sigh

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I tried again and got Emil.

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Emil said, “Just delete all the files with a red x.”

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Are you KIDDING me??? That represents about two years of work!

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“That is not an option.” I typed back.

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“Well, then,” he tapped away. “Save this link and call tomorrow and you can buy premium services and we can climb into your computer and fix that bad boy for only $149 a year!” Really, I’m paraphrasing here.

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“Thanks, Emil! Catch ya later!” Click.

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Along about this time, I wondered what would happen if I actually clicked on the files with the red x. Would my computer die? Would there be anything there? Would I do some harm to the delicate balance of the ozone layer? Would I kill a butterfly in the Sahara? What the heck…I’ve come this far.

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Click.

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Everything was there. It seems, if you want the red x to go away, you have to buy the upgraded storage, which…of course…I had already done by this time. I am “syncing” 13,000+ photos and documents to an unknown climate controlled electronic box somewhere in India that I forked out $72 and change for so that Microsoft would stop holding my data hostage when it was there all along.

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heavy sigh

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I don’t know…I think I’d pass on the OneCloud thingy if you have more than fifty or so pictures of your cats because you just may never see Fluffy again without paying the big bucks!

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But, the real moral of the story is…I failed, yet again, to be present and not let panic rush over me. Remembering first that God is with me and He will help me, even when my Gemini grief-brain takes me off chasing rabbits. It would have saved me a lot of unnecessary angst yesterday.

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“Lord, help me remember You are there.” Amen ❤️

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“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”\n‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-04-10T01:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/10/a-moment-of-panic.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/05/standing-on-the-edge.html", "title": "Standing on the Edge", "content_html": "

\"Holding “The Sweetest Love”

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Ever since I changed my Twitter handle to @GriefMaven, I’ve been meeting the coolest people in the grief support community. I have had more interaction and made more connections in the last month than I did in all of the five years prior. I have to admit, I didn’t really “get” Twitter. You send some random thought out, you throw a few hashtags with it in the hopes someone else is interested in said hashtagged subjects, then they like your Tweet. Maybe you get the cherished “Retweet” where they like it so much, they send it on. Or…the Holy Grail of Tweetdom…they FOLLOW you! They like you enough to watch what you’ll say next. I get it now. You can truly build a community in Twitter and I must say I am enjoying it tremendously. It’s an excellent platform to build each other up.

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In the process of tweeting and retweeting, I find writers I may not have found otherwise. Such is the case of Catherine Tidd. She wrote a guest post on Hello Grief (hellogrief.org) about dating. The horse has already left the barn for me, but some of you may be thinking about dating again. If so, I couldn’t have written a better article about it that Catherine did with “Time to Cast the Line”. (I’ll leave the link at the bottom of this post.)

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Ever since I started dating Mr. FixIt, there has been this deep “feeling” I haven’t been able to express. It flits to the surface on occasion and I stuff it back down because people might not understand. Heck…even I don’t understand. So I stuff it back down, feeling like I should be celebrating something but can’t let myself. Catherine’s article articulates what I’ve been feeling so well, so I’ll just share it here. And then we’ll discuss it.

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This is the best relationship I have ever been in.

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There. I’ve said it. It’s the best, really. It’s deeper. It’s broader. It’s lighter. It’s easier. It’s filled with love and laughter and light and God. I was so afraid admitting this would somehow be disrespectful of what I had before. So, what does that mean about my marriage? My relationship with Mr. Virgo? Our life and love?

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Absolutely. Nothing.

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You know why? Because I’m not the same woman Mr. Virgo married. I’m not the same woman that lived with him. I’m not the same woman that loved him. I’m so much more now…BECAUSE I had him. BECAUSE I was married to him. BECAUSE I loved him. And…BECAUSE he died. I hate when people tell you everything happens for a reason. My friend, Debbie Weiss (@thehungoverwidow) says she hates when someone says everything happens for a reason, as if her husband’s death was necessary to stave off a plague of frogs. (Read her…she’s funny!)

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I didn’t have to lose Mr. Virgo to gain some sort of amazing insight into my existence. I didn’t have to lose him to achieve a grand level of personal growth. But…those things happened, and I’m a different person than I was before. (Remember my pickle/cucumber analogy?) Like Catherine says in her article…who knows if Mr. Virgo would even LIKE who I am now? I’m stronger and much more outspoken. I’m a hundred times more independent. When I want to pick up and go…I go. He told me from the outset that he didn’t date women who wanted to pick up and go. He wanted someone who would be there with him. So…I was there. I don’t regret it. Not for a minute. But I’m not that same person. And, fortunately, Mr. FixIt knows that and understands me.

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I could never find another man like Mr. Virgo. And if I did, maybe it wouldn’t work for me in this incarnation of myself. Does that mean I don’t still love him. Of course not. Does it mean I’ve “gotten over him?” Oh, h*** no! You don’t ever “get over” someone you loved with the white hot heat of the sun. But the sun is shining again. And…the sun shines bright now because I longed for the sun…I was so ready for the sun…I will cherish every moment I can get in the sun.

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It’s ok if you don’t ever want to date again. I am behind you 100%. Some people are just happy as little clams to not be bothered. Good for you! You know yourself and that is awesome. But, if you feel…even a little bit…that you miss the companionship of another, the warmth of another, the humor of another….don’t be afraid. There are good men out there. There really are. Mr. FixIt is proof of that. This is the best…really. ❤️

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www.hellogrief.org/time-to-c…

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“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.”\n‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:16-19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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#love, #MovingForward, #relationships

\n", "date_published": "2018-04-05T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/05/standing-on-the-edge.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/02/gentle-guidance.html", "title": "Gentle Guidance", "content_html": "

\"Ipad\" “Working on my iPad in front of the big window.”

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The Bible teaches us to teach others…to correct them in their ways…so that they might learn and grow and walk in the right direction with God. Yesterday, I was the recipient of such gentle guidance and it struck me deeply. It gave me a sudden insight into my own behaviors and was most welcomed.

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For the last couple of weeks, I’ve mentioned several times how much work it has been to copy over the old posts from Facebook to my website. In looking back, I can see whining and complaining showing through my words. Sometimes it takes someone else to shine a light on a situation for you to really see it. That’s exactly what happened when a gentle reader wrote to me and pointed out the Bible loves a cheerful giver. I am giving to that new widow by making it easier for her to read the works that will speak into to her current situation. She pointed out that God uses ALL things for HIS good…and that includes when he put it on my heart to copy all this work over. I was reminded to think about what my spirit was while transferring. I simply love that and I am so grateful for her for taking this moment to teach me and gently correct my path. That is what we are supposed to do as Christians.

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It reminded me of 2 Timothy 3:16-17. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” I get busy and self absorbed and sometimes feel overwhelmed with writing deadlines. Between that and the taxes, I did not have my heart in the right place as I copied and pasted. I was just looking at it as another chore to be done. I wasn’t being mindful of the intent and for whom I was sacrificing.

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Thank you, dear one. Thank you for the gentle correction and uplifting guidance. It changed my heart. ❤️

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭4:23‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-04-02T01:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/02/gentle-guidance.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/01/he-is-risen.html", "title": "He is Risen!", "content_html": "

\"Resurrection “He is Risen!”

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May you Rejoice and have a Blessed Easter. What was once nothing more than a Hallmark holiday for me has become a day of Rejoicing in the Risen Christ. Mr. FixIt and I went to church last night. They offered two services yesterday and two today. We felt Saturday would be less crowded. Wow…were we wrong! There wasn’t a seat in the place at the 5:00 service. The Worship Team outdid themselves and Pastor Justin gave an amazing message about just exactly WHO Jesus really is. It was wonderful!

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If you are a practicing Jew, this is the Passover season. I hope you enjoyed your Seders with friends and family and that your brisket was tender! I was a practicing Jew for 27 years. I organized the Seders for our small town. In 1986, we had 10 people. By the time I quit organizing them ten years later, 75 people attended. I had to finally give it over to a committee because it became too much. People brought side dishes and helped, but they always wanted me to make my famous Matzo Ball Soup and the Charoset and the Brisket and the Kugel. One year I even made homemade Gefilte Fish. It was a ton of work but there is nothing quite so fulfilling as feeding crowds their favorite holiday dishes.

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I met my writing deadlines last week. Now it’s time to get those taxes done so it’s back to the farm tonight where I can spread out my papers without distraction. I’ve made continued progress on copying content over to the website. I wish I would have listened to my gut instincts four years ago and built the website then so I wouldn’t have this backlog. But, hindsight is 20/20. It will be great when everything is on the web page because you’ll be able to look back at the early posts more easily. When new widows come on board, they may not find posts they can relate to in my current writing. So I want them to have easy access to relatable topics.

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It’s April…can you believe that??? My Pop-Pop was born 119 years ago. He died when he was 72. I had just graduated from high school and it was my first experience with death. My Grandma was so strong. She lost a son 15 years before in a plane crash. I miss them so much. Their farm offers me solace and it’s such a peaceful place to write.

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Enjoy this beautiful spring day! ❤️

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“They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus.”\n‭‭Luke‬ ‭24:2-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-04-01T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/01/he-is-risen.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","Hope","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/27/peace.html", "title": "Peace", "content_html": "

\"Relaxing “Peace on the Porch”

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I don’t think you can see in this picture, but there are some forsythia starting to bloom on the far side of the bank and some quince on this side. Another day or two and you’ll really be able to see them. Not much green on the hillsides yet, but the fields and lawns are greening up nicely here in West Virginia.

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I came out to the farm for a little retreat because I have some writing deadlines. Yesterday, I worked on copying posts over to the website again. I have to spend some time on it every day and get it done before Facebook implodes. I’m up to the point in the blog where I am downsizing. Selling the house, getting rid of 95% of my personal belongings. Getting the house staged. I am not taking the time to read these posts as a rule, but a couple of the headlines caught my attention and I skimmed through two or three of the posts. OMGosh! I had totally forgotten how horrendous that whole process was! I am SO happy to be on the other side of it now.

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As I was writing yesterday afternoon, I had the doors open to let the breeze through and air out the house. All of a sudden, I heard the screen door in the kitchen open and close. I jumped up like I was shot and looked in and there was Boy Cat on his way into the house. He took one look at me and thought better of it and backed out slowly. I went in and shut the door because I don’t have a hook on that screen. Tricky boy!

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Then last night I was propped up writing this when I heard a mighty crash on the back porch and knew right away what it was. I had left the lid off the cat food can. I ran out and sure enough, there was a little possum in the can, munching away. I shooed him off and locked the lid on. Just a little while later, I had to break up a cat fight just outside the back door. Then not too long after that, I heard what I assume was the neighbor’s dog trotting up the creek past my bedroom window to see if there were any treats to be had. Sorry Mr. Doggy…Mr. Possum got here first!

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Such is life back on the farm. I love it here and especially miss it in the spring. We need to stay here more now that the spring flowers will be in bloom before long. Life is good…no matter where we are. ❤️

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““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-03-27T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/27/peace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/26/here-chick-chick-chick.html", "title": "Here Chick, Chick, Chick!", "content_html": "

\"Baby “Here Chick, Chick, Chick!”

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It’s springtime at #ruralking and Mr. FixIt and I went for cat food and got our fresh popcorn and chicky fix after church yesterday. I love the sweetness of the little peeps as they scurry from one end of their enclosure to the other. Snuggling close together for warmth, these tiny fluff balls with itty bitty feet will melt your heart. I wanted them all. I justified all the reasons we should have 300 chickens. They give eggs. We could sell the eggs. They look uber cool pecking around the yard or garden. Never mind that we don’t HAVE a garden. We have five acres…that’s good enough. The problem with having chickens…or any farm animals…is you have to actually, you know…BE there. We travel a lot. So, we get our chicken fix at Rural King.

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I’m on sabbatical at the farm for a few days. I have some writing deadlines to meet. I need to sort my papers for taxes. I need to download data from my bank into Quicken so I CAN do said taxes. (If you have been here on any given April 15th in the last five years, you know what a mess I am keeping track of that kind of stuff.) Every year…same thing. And every year I swear the next year will be easier. And it never is. sigh

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Update on the painting…it’s getting closer to being available. I had this great big exposé typed and chickened out. After I got blocked by these people, I started getting all kinds of spam in my e-mail. Who knows what they are capable of. Let’s just say, these Facebook pages that portray themselves as Christians and post tons of memes and have only been online a week and have nearly 6000 followers and promote prints of stolen artwork are totally uncool and you should be especially wary of any promoted post that uses a boat load of emoticons like ?? and ❤ and ? and ? and ? in their descriptions. Enough said. I’ll keep you aprised as to when the painting is available. If you want to be on my email list, you can sign up in the little box “Become a Rancher!”

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Have a beautiful Monday! ❤

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“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”\n‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:19-21‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-26T01:30:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/26/here-chick-chick-chick.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Grace","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/21/my-source-of-peace.html", "title": "My Source of Peace", "content_html": "

\"Source “The Lord is my refuge, my source of Peace.”

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I worked again yesterday copying my posts from the Marshmallow Ranch Facebook page over to www.marshmallowranch.com. I feel this sense of urgency to get that finished, especially with the negative press FB has been receiving of late. In the past, diving back into my early writings took me to dark places I really had no business visiting very often. I remember during the first year after becoming a widow, I took TOW-Wanda to southwest Colorado and parked her on my dear friend Sue’s ten acres overlooking Mesa Verde. Sue is my yogi earth mother friend who holds me in her heart from long distances in space and time. We just have this beautiful connection. I remember sitting with her, quietly having tea and watching the abundance of birds at the numerous feeders on her veranda. I was avoiding writing because it was too painful.

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“You must write now…simply BECAUSE it is painful. If you wait too long, you will lose your voice. The angst will be healed and we will miss feeling your heart in your words.”

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As I’m copying my early work, I can see what she means. I read the emotions in every word. The ups. The downs. The mask of happiness. The mask of relationships. The mask of strength. Inside I was screaming down the hallways of my 3:00 mind, jiggling doorknobs…desperate to get out of that hell I found myself in.

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Five years out, I see that pain differently. I see the place when I started finding my refuge in God. When I truly learned to seek His face…His peace. I remember clearly the day I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, “You must tell them where you find your peace.” I remember clearly arguing with Him and saying, “Oh, no…I really don’t!” And…as in most arguments I have with God…He won.

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I try to walk my faith out in my writing without beating people over the head with it. My grandma always said you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. I cannot change anyone’s views on faith. I don’t even try. I just tell you how I feel. I tell you what has worked for me. I tell you where I find my peace. I lay it all down here. Pick it up. Don’t pick it up. That’s not for me to decide. I know there are people who grieve without faith. I will never criticize another’s walk. I have enough trouble walking my own path. Personally, I cannot imagine doing this without God. He has brought me great comfort and peace. He is my refuge. But I love you and embrace you no matter what your grief walk looks like. I just pray my words help you in some way.

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Grief is like wearing a pair of stiff leather shoes without socks…maybe with some gravel in them. Every step hurts worse than the last. You get blisters that break open and bleed. There are times you can barely walk for the pain. At some point, you think to shake the gravel out…like when I stopped looking at pictures of my dead husband in his casket. There…that’s a little easier. Then in time, you think maybe bandaids will fix everything and take the pain away…like when I tried dating WAY too soon only to find the wounds festering when I ripped the bandages off. Finally, I thought to ask God to take over and He led me to a cool spring and gave me a thick pair of comfortable wool socks to put on. Ahhhhh…..MUCH better. Finally, there comes a time when the leather has conformed, molding and cradling to your feet and carrying you step by step through your life. These worn-in shoes will never fall off…will never wear out. They’ll be there forever, reminding you of how awful they were when you first put them on. And one day, you will look down and smile because they’ll remind you…not so much of the pain, but of the love you walked with before you got them.

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They become love shoes. ❤️

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““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””\n‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-21T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/21/my-source-of-peace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/13/calming-the-waters.html", "title": "Calming the Waters", "content_html": "

\"Calm “Psalm 107:29 …the waves of the sea were hushed”

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I woke up yesterday after a fitful night. I didn’t close my eyes till 3:30 in the morning…ruminating. That’s what my brain does WAY too often. Good reason this time, though. I awoke and the first thought was…this is the day. It’s here. How do I feel?

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I felt…ok. Not up, but not down. Just…there.

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I did my devotional. I read your kind and supportive comments. And I started my day. Mr. FixIt asked if I wanted to go to town with him, but I told him I really just wanted to stay home. A little self care was in order. I spoke with people yesterday I hadn’t talked to in years. People reached out to me. I got a ton of virtual hugs. And a bunch of real live ones. It was good.

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I love how God answers prayers. He stilled the waters of my soul and filled me with peace yesterday. I puttered in the kitchen and made pot roast…one of my go to comfort foods. After dinner, Mr. FixIt and I watched The Voice…one of my go to comfort activities. I ended the day with a phone call with my sister-in-law, Robyn…one of my go to, all-time favorite people. It was a peaceful day.

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The other day, I was reviewing my social media accounts. I just don’t reach people other than word of mouth. The word “grief” is not in the name of my blog and while grief is not my only topic, it is still a big part of what goes on here…at least in the archives and when the waves come. When I created my Twitter account, Marshmallow Ranch had too many letters to go in the name so I abbreviated it making it even harder to find. I sat back and thought about it a while and suddenly a name popped in my head. “The Grief Maven”. Maven is Yiddish for expert and while not all people know the origins, enough people have an understanding of the urban definition, however tangentially. I created a Twitter account…@griefmaven…and started just putting out some memes I created with stuff I share about grief here. In one week I’ve had more activity than all the five years of the other account. A lesson learned in social media marketing.

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I posted a tweet yesterday about it being the five year angelversary and within an hour I met two other widows who lost their husbands within a couple of weeks on either side of me. I love that. People I never would have had the opportunity to meet come together because of this blog. God stuff…very cool.

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So, I ended my day in a good space. The waters were stilled and I’m ready to see what good things come next. ❤

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“He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭107:29‬ ‭NIV‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-03-13T01:30:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/13/calming-the-waters.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Comfort","Grace","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/12/peace-be-still.html", "title": "Peace Be Still", "content_html": "

\"Peace “Peace Be Still - The Belonging Co”

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The pain of new grief is nearly indescribable. It takes physical form in your body keeping you from drawing a deep breath or sleeping or eating. Like an amputee, you have had half of your heart removed and you don’t know how to live like that. It was brutal. Wave after wave of grief crashed over me with no time for a breath in between. I felt I would surely drown. I was numb. I couldn’t retain information. I couldn’t watch a movie or read a book.

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After a couple of years the waves were a little less forceful, a little less often. But the memory of the pain filled me with fear. What if it came back? What if it never stops? I wasn’t sure I wanted to live like that forever. I wasn’t sure I COULD. As soon as I began to feel a wave coming I panicked. There were so many nights I lay awake…all night long. I can’t tell you how many nights I was up throwing up all night. It was so incredibly painful.

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Through my writing I found an outlet for the pain. Through my faith I found an outlet for my fear. Last week I let some of that fear slip back in as I anticipated today. Five years gone. How can that be? I’ve knitted together a totally different life now. He’s been gone almost as long as we were married. I can’t smell his skin anymore, yet I can describe my memory of it. I can’t see his hands anymore, yet I can describe how they felt when he guided me to a table in a restaurant. That was my biggest fear…forgetting. Time twists our memories and they fade. And that made me sad…again.

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Peace Be Still. This song lifted me all weekend. The worship team at our church played it Friday night at the women’s conference and it stuck with me all weekend. They played it again in church yesterday. I downloaded it in the lobby on my way out and played it over and over yesterday as I browsed through photographic memories of Mr. Virgo and me.

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The first line speaks to me. “I don’t want to be afraid every time I face the waves.” After the chorus…”I’m not gonna be afraid ‘cause these waves are only waves.” In acute grief when I was physically mourning, the waves were urgent and overwhelming. When it got to the point I was fearing the waves, I had to remind myself I had survived them 100% of the time up to that point.

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My favorite line of the song comes later.

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“Peace be still\nYou are here so it is well\nEven when my eyes can’t see\nI will trust the voice that speaks\nPeace, Peace\nOver me”

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I made a conscious decision yesterday. I’ve decided to celebrate Mr. Virgo’s birthday as my day of remembrance of him. That day is associated with happy thoughts. I think focusing on the sad days is keeping me in that sad place over and over and over and maybe that isn’t as helpful as it used to be. It’s an evolution of grief…looking forward since that’s the direction I’m going. That doesn’t mean I won’t remember or feel sad. It doesn’t mean I won’t have waves on occasion. I’m all about feeling my feelings. I’m also a proponent of letting go and letting God work in me.

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Anyway…as much as I hate the phrase “it is what it is”, there’s truth in that. I can’t change anything about what today is, but I can change my focus. I feel SO much better than I did late last week. I’ll do what I always do…put one foot in front of the other, lift my head up, and keep moving forward. ❤

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youtu.be/dUpKZz0Nm…

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“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:34‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/12/peace-be-still.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Growth","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/11/god-always-knows.html", "title": "God Always Knows", "content_html": "

\"Lewis “Lewis Cemetery”

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As I’m sure you can tell, I’ve been dreading the fifth angelversary of Mr. Virgo’s death tomorrow. I’ve been really struggling the last week…to the point one of my dear friends contacted me yesterday to see how I was doing. Actually, by yesterday morning I was feeling much better, but I still felt something was missing. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Then a chain of events happened that directed my day and by last night I was lifted back up and set on solid ground. Here’s how it went down.

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First, I slept a solid ten hours and awoke feeling refreshed. I’m not a terrific sleeper as a rule, but I slept like a stone. Mr. FixIt informed me a neighbor passed away and he needed to go to the funeral home. I assumed he would go without me, and quite frankly I didn’t think going to a funeral home when I was feeling down about my own loss was such a terrific idea. Then, he asked me if I wanted to go. We were at a funeral last weekend. Here, we were just going to the viewing. I didn’t know anyone, but something told me I should just go…so I dressed and went along.

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I was introduced around to the family. I hugged the widow and spoke quietly with her for a bit, offering what comfort a stranger (yet a fellow widow) could give. I stood at the coffin, thinking the horrible memories of five years ago would come crashing on my head at any moment…but they did not. Instead of seeing Mr. Virgo in his casket, I saw a man who was very much missed by his best friend and my heart went out to her. I felt honored to be there and not sick or devastated. My dread started to dissipate.

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We ran home to change and Mr. FixIt asked what I wanted to do. I told him I wanted to run over to the cemetery where my great grandfather is buried. I hadn’t been there since I was a teenager and I wanted to see if there were any other family members from my tree buried there. So, from the funeral home to a cemetery. What could go wrong?

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The day was brisk but sunny. As we drove out the two lane blacktop, we passed a field and I did a double take. There, standing in the middle of a pasture, was a young man…high school age, perhaps…with a music stand playing a trombone! The sight was so incongruous Mr. FixIt and I both burst out laughing. The cemetery was around the next bend and as we walked among the tombstones, the timbre of the trombone wafted gently on the breeze over the far ridge. I could not help but smile, feeling God was sending me a sweet gift.

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The cemetery was a sight when we arrived. All of the flower containers had been knocked over, flowers strewn among the graves, flags honoring fallen soldiers laying on the ground…some half covered with leaves. We were preparing to leave when I turned and said, “I can’t leave them like this.” So, we walked around, straightening up, calling the dead ones by name. I remember so often going to visit Mr. Virgo’s grave across the road from our house in Colorado. I laid stones around the perimeter…one stone from every trip I took. I realized one of the things I was missing…and hurting over…was not being able to visit Mr. Virgo’s grave tomorrow. Instead, God lead me to visit an ancestor I never knew. Again…the feeling of dread lifted more.

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We were so close to the farm, we decided to go on out. Whenever I am feeling down, that farm is my panacea. I fed the kitties and walked through the rooms…touching the furniture, the doors, my grandparents bed. I walked around the house and checked on my ‘67 Franklin camper…”Joy”. I turned to Mr. FixIt.

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“Can we take her over to your place soon and start working on her?” I asked hopefully.

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“You bet we can.” Mr. FixIt smiled and gave me a big hug.

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Lift, lift, lift.

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We stopped and visited my cousin’s wife at her barn. She was feeding the chickens and the big white rabbit named Isabella.

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Lift, lift, lift.

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We drove to town and had supper at my favorite diner.

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Lift, lift, lift.

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We came home and I sat down to write. My dear friend who had been so concerned about me yesterday morning called and asked if I felt better after my drive. I really did! You know…every year is going to be another year since Mr. Virgo died. There will be times of sorrow. There will be reminders and waves of grief. I know I have the added blessing of having Mr. FixIt in my life. His heart is big enough to hold me AND Mr. Virgo. Such a good, good man. Letting go and letting God lift me up was the solution all along. There’s nothing God and a little sunshine can’t fix! ❤

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“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you. For behold, darkness shall cover the earth, and thick darkness the peoples; but the Lord will arise upon you, and his glory will be seen upon you.”\n‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭60:1-2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-11T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/11/god-always-knows.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Grace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/10/letting-go-of-fear.html", "title": "Letting Go of Fear", "content_html": "

\"Let “Let Go of Fear”

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When I was writing yesterday’s post, I was feeling so overwhelmed. I have the usual stresses of everyday life…dental work that needs to be done, taxes that need to be filed, new brakes and inspection on the truck. Then there are the dead and dying…of which there are far too many. I hadn’t been sleeping well. Mr. FixIt has been busy and tired. I had that all too familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was one crisis away from losing it altogether and I hate that. So I did what needed to be done…I had a good cry and went to church.

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Last night was the Annual Women’s Conference at my church. There wasn’t an empty chair in the place. I don’t know if you have ever gone to an all women service before, but if you haven’t…you NEED to. Between the estrogen and Jesus, that place was electric. We have a great praise team and they didn’t disappoint. We played some get-to-know-each-other games. We had a share-your-selfie-on-social-media contest. There were prizes and cookies. Then Pastor Heather spoke about letting faith rise up in us instead of fear, worry, anxiety. She knew her audience. We are women. This is what we do.

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The thing is, by allowing fear to rise up in us instead of faith, we are not letting God do His job. We are trying to do it for Him. When we are standing in the storms of life, it is not our basic instinct to lay back and relax. We start rowing the boat double time. We try to skirt around the storm. We try to ignore the storm. We try to just wait out the storm. The quietest part of a hurricane is the eye. It is windless standing in the center. When we let go and let faith rise up in us, God sets us down in the eye where we are protected from the storm’s fury. In the meantime, we get out of God’s way so He can do His work.

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By the end of the evening, the atmosphere was fairly crackling. We were given symbolic coins and asked to hold them in our hands and charge them with the worries, stresses, anxieties, and fears that weigh us down and keep us from enjoying God’s Peace. As we left the conference, we threw those “coins” in a fountain in the lobby…symbolically leaving them behind. I felt so much better as I drove home. I still have all that stuff going on in my life, but now I’m reminded to let go and let God take care of His part. If I go to God FIRST, if I ask Him to take over, life just goes SO much smoother.

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I was going to take a break this weekend, but I felt inspired to share this with you today and those who have been around long enough know I can’t go without writing every day. I hope you have a beautiful Saturday! ❤

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“The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭118:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-10T02:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/10/letting-go-of-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/07/gratitude.html", "title": "Gratitude", "content_html": "

\"Charm “My charm blessed by Pope John Paul”

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I want to thank all of you for your prayers yesterday. I felt wrapped in love and light when it was time for the phone call with the acquisitions editor. I was well prepared beforehand. I had carefully researched the publisher. I had reviewed the two books they sent ahead of time. I spent some time in quiet meditation beforehand. And then I asked God to give me any last words before I “headed into the interview”. I believe the Bible is a living word and I often ask God to speak to me through it. I opened my Bible app and picked a “totally random” verse. This is what I got.

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“I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with the earnestness of others. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich. And here is my judgment about what is best for you in this matter. Last year you were the first not only to give but also to have the desire to do so. Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what one does not have. Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. The goal is equality,”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭8:8-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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My jaw dropped. It was perfect.

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Th conversation went well. The editor told me what they were looking for. She asked me questions. She asked if I had questions. I asked a few then told her the only thing that bothered me was the caveat “without religion”. She has read my work and knows I am faith based. She explained they did not want to represent a single denomination. They understand that grief is decidedly spiritual and she would expect my writing to reflect my faith.

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Boom.

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It was that easy. Maybe I put too much emphasis on that one sentence and got myself all worked up for nothing. But, maybe…just maybe that was a test. Maybe God wanted to test the sincerity of my love.

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I’ve done my part. I’ve answered the questions. They know my work. They have interviewed other writers and will make their decision next week. I’ll let you know when I know. Thank you again for all your prayers and kind words. Y’all are the best! ❤️

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-07T02:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/07/gratitude.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","God","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/06/the-full-armor-of-god.html", "title": "The Full Armor of God", "content_html": "\"Joan\n

When I first began writing this blog…I mean, earnestly writing…I was reeling from the sudden loss of my husband. I wrote from a place of pain and my heart spilled out onto these pages with the fresh blood of grief. I was a Christian, I was “faithful”, but I did not bring God into the equation when it came to this blog. I did not want to offend anyone. I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. It had nothing whatsoever to do with being “politically correct”. It had everything to do with being respectful. There’s nothing wrong with that and it worked…until that day in church when I got a “text from God”.

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I’ve told you that story, but those of you who are relatively new here may not have heard it so I’ll give you the Cliff Notes version. I can always tell when I’m about to have some spiritual insight. I feel this kind of antsy electricity running up my arms and up the back of my neck. I’ve learned to sit up and take notice because it always turns out to be monumental.

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On the particular Sunday in question, I felt the Spirit touching me and I asked what he wanted.

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“You have to tell your readers where you find your peace.”

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“Oh, no…really and truly I don’t,” I thought. “I’m not going full gospel in my blog. I’ll drive away people and lose readers. I won’t do it. You can’t make me!” I was having quite the internal argument with God when my phone, sitting in top of my purse on the pew beside me, began to vibrate. I looked down and there was a text from a friend in Florida.

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“You cannot run from God’s love!”

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Wow. Ok. When you get a text from God, in Church…you’d better listen. From that day forward, I put a scripture at the bottom of every post to illustrate what my thinking was when I wrote it. As time has passed, I have become more and more bold in my writing and have had more discussions that include my perspectives through the lens of my faith.

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I am not “religious”, per se. I am faithful…faith FULL. I know what God’s Love has done for me. I know that I would never have survived what I’ve been through if I did not have my faith. I promised God that day in church that if he would bring me the words and the people to hear the message, I would put my heart and soul into my writing. I pray over my keyboard that I shine his light through my words into a dark and troubled world…into dark and troubling times in people’s lives. In particular, to those grieving a loss.

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I debated and prayed about this post in particular. I don’t usually bring up the opportunities I receive to write something until it’s a done deal. Something about tempting fate. This one is different though. So, here goes.

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The other day, I was contacted by a publisher regarding the possibility of me authoring a book for them. I’m flattered and excited about the possibility. We have a phone conference scheduled today. It sound like an excellent opportunity. The only thing is…this particular book they want me to write doesn’t include religion. That is like asking me to write a book without verbs. They have published faith-based books before so I’m not sure why this one is different. I’ll tell you what I think it is. I think God gives us opportunities to stand up for him. I think he wants to see if I will wear the full armor…or just a sweatsuit.

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So, here’s what I’m going to ask you to do. At 1:00 EST today, will you pray that I speak the correct words to sway them to change their minds about the inclusion of faith in this book and, soften their hearts so that they see the writing they chose me for COMES from God and should be allowed to flow into this book. The internet is a great big place. It is no accident that they found Marshmallow Ranch in their search for grief writers. Pray that I stand strong and shine his light. ❤️

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“Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel,”\n‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6:19‬ ‭NIV‬

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Photo Credit: John Everett Millais - Joan of Arc

\n", "date_published": "2018-03-06T02:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/06/the-full-armor-of-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/05/a-simple-ceremony.html", "title": "A Simple Ceremony", "content_html": "\"Fiddle\"\n

Mr. FixIt and I went to a simple country funeral yesterday. My cousin’s wife lost her mom Friday after a brief but courageous fight with cancer. We went to the early service at church yesterday so we could make it to the funeral in time as it was an hour and a half away. It is a testimony to the impact of a person’s life when the line to get into the funeral stretches long outside the building.

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We chatted with the folks as we waited to pay our respects to the family and be seated. Mr. FixIt is SO like me…we neither one know a stranger. By the time we got in the door we were on a first name basis with half the folks in line. There were flowers everywhere. There were quilts and statues, plaques and potted plants, lanterns and birdhouses. There were two whole tables filled with photos of the deceased and her family. I greeted several of my cousins who were there and I hugged my sweet sister/friend then found seats.

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Two pastors led the funeral service. One led the opening prayer. A quartet consisting of three guitars and a fiddle played “Amazing Grace”, “A Purple Robe”, and “Will the Circle be Unbroken”. The music was halting and sweet in its simplicity. Bev was a strong Christian woman, raised on a ridge two miles up a holler from the nearest paved road. Her parents walked or rode horseback to take their children to church twice a week. She instilled that same faith in her own large family and it shows. Her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren gathered to celebrate this humble woman’s life and I was honored to be there.

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The pastor who led the funeral service was a little bitty thing when Bev and Ray started courting. The pastor said the young couple would come and pick him up and take him along with them on their dates…as a sort of pseudo chaperone. Two years later, Bev and Ray married and began to raise their own family. She died just a few days before their 57th wedding anniversary. It was heartbreaking to hear Ray weep. He has never spent much time away from his bride so this is going to be a terrible adjustment for him. As we went through the receiving line after the service, I sat down beside him and gave him a big hug.

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“Ray…I don’t know you and you don’t know me but, I’m Rick’s cousin and Charlotte’s friend. I’m so sorry for your loss. I kind of know what you’re going through because I lost my husband five years ago. I know this is really hard for you, and I know you can’t believe this right now, but you’re going to get through this. There’s a whole lot of people praying for you and they’re going to be there to love on you. Now, as soon as the dust settles a bit, Charlotte and I are going to drive down and you and I are going to sit on the front porch for a spell and have us some sweet tea and we’re just gonna talk. Does that sound ok?”

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Ray said he didn’t know how he was going to make it through but to just come on down anytime. He’d love to see me.

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So, Ray and I have a date to talk in a few weeks. I don’t know what it’s like to lose the only person I’ve ever loved for nearly 60 years. But I do know what it’s like to lose someone I loved more than life itself, so I think we have some common ground there. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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A simple country funeral. Nothing fancy. Folks dressed in jeans. Folks dressed in their Sunday best. All gathered to celebrate a life well lived. What better way to honor a mom? ❤

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“From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭61:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-05T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/05/a-simple-ceremony.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/04/endings-and-beginnings.html", "title": "Endings and Beginnings", "content_html": "

\"Daffodils Daffodils

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I watched my husband die. It was fast. It seemed relatively painless. Not pain free, but not unbearable. He seemed to take everything in stride with a certain…resignation. Like he knew what was coming, so why fight it? Interestingly…it was like that for me too, looking back on it. I’m sure I was in shock, because every time I ever pictured what would happen if/when he died, it certainly wasn’t with me sitting on a stool in the corner of the room answering medical questions in a flat monotone. I wasn’t beating my chest or screaming or even crying. I don’t remember crying till I saw my kids.

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As hard as that was to go through, I cannot…simply cannot imagine what people go through who lose their loved one to a terrible, slow, painful death like cancer or COPD or Alzheimer’s. My cousin’s wife came over Friday after making arrangements for her mother’s funeral. Her mom had esophageal cancer. We sat together and I listened to her tell me about the last six months. The long nights. The conflicting medical information. The radiation and chemo. When she got to the night of her mother’s death, I was in such awe of her strength and courage. What she went through for her mom was heroic in my book. What I loved most was when her mom motioned to her, as if she needed to tell her something. When she bent down to listen, her mother kissed her on the cheek and took her last breath. My mother died alone in an ICU because I couldn’t get to her in time. She got a kiss on the cheek! I loved that for her because she will never, ever forget that loving gesture.

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\"Crocus\" Crocus

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Real death isn’t like the movies. Sometimes it’s that peaceful scene where the family gathers around and tells their loved one how important they were in their lives and how much they loved them. Sometimes there’s soft music and candlelight and kisses on cheeks. And sometimes they stop CPR after three hours and tell you they’re sorry. Is one way “better” than the other? Is there such a thing as a “good death”. I think there is, but it’s not always possible because death isn’t predictable. It isn’t a script.

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\"Crocus Crocus in the Spring

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Someone I love very much is dying. Not actively as in it’s imminent. But it’s coming. Everyone knows it’s coming. I love him and his entire family. For the last five years I have written a daily essay, much of it about grief. And when I talk with his wife, I feel woefully inadequate. I haven’t gone through that kind of death. I haven’t had to know it was coming for three years and fight the good fight and be strong and courageous and lose anyway. What do I say to her? How can I best serve her? I had no idea…so I asked. I told her how sorry I was that it was coming to this. I told her how much I love them both. I told her I knew she must be scared. And, I told her I was at a loss as to how best to help her. Then I asked her to tell me exactly what would help her the most right now. She said to pray. Pray for strength and courage for her. That I can do…in spades.

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\"Daffodils Daffodils in the Ditch

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Grief is something that touches all of us. If it hasn’t touched you yet, it will. Mr. FixIt and I were talking about it yesterday. After losing Mr. Virgo, I’ve gone and done the one thing I SWORE I would never, ever do again. I gave my heart away to love again…with wild abandon…knowing full well what it feels like to lose. That is either absolutely crazy or the absolute evidence that God can carry you through anything. I could lose this man tomorrow. Or next week or next year or thirty years from now. Or…I could be the first to go, who knows? I’m glad we don’t know exactly when we will die. It doesn’t pay to dwell on it…but we can’t deny it either. If there is an upside…and that is truly a stretch to even call it that…it’s having the time to say goodbye, to express everything you wanted to say, to make arrangements, to learn how to do the things your partner did, and to give them the gift of your service in their transition. As Ram Dass, says…”We are all just walking each other home.” ❤️

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“For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are looking for the city that is to come.”\n‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭13:14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-04T02:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/04/endings-and-beginnings.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Comfort","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/03/the-upside-of-disappointment.html", "title": "The Upside of Disappointment", "content_html": "

\"Homemade Homemade Egg Noodles

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I was so excited Thursday! I was heading out for a weekend with the Girl Campers and even got to leave a day early. I had reservations in a cabin. I was meeting old friends and new. I was pumped!

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I got the truck packed, with WAY too much stuff, and headed south through a driving rain. It was only a two hour drive so no big deal. I stopped at a Walmart near my destination and bought the ingredients for beef and noodles…my contribution to Saturday’s Soup Night…our tradition. I arrived at the cabin around 3:00 in the afternoon, got everything unpacked, greeted the host, and decided to take a nap. I couldn’t seem to get warm for some reason.

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Within an hour, I was burning up and feeling sick. I stayed the night and awoke with a rip roaring headache so I begged off and came home. I don’t think it’s a bug…just a bad migraine. But, darn it all! I was really looking forward to this weekend. On my way home, I got some strong coffee and that actually helped and after a while, I felt much better.

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I got a phone call from my cousin’s wife as I was driving home. She and I are very close. She was calling to let me know her mother passed away and could she come by in the afternoon on her way back from the funeral home. That’s when I knew…I wasn’t supposed to be at the girl’s weekend. I was supposed to be here for my sister/friend and offer comfort and support.

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It is customary to offer food to the bereaved and I just happened to have all the ingredients for beef and noodles. That is, until I remembered I left the package of frozen homestyle noodles in the freezer at the cabin. So, I looked up a recipe for homemade egg noodles. I found a great recipe, AND a cute blog, at afarmishkindoflife.com/homemade-noodles. You have to let the noodles dry for two hours and I left all my baker’s racks at the farm. I found one that goes in the bottom of a huge stock pot. And, I improvised with a colander turned upside down. Now I can send a nice pot of beef and noodles home so they don’t have to cook for a while. I imagine they’ll get plenty of food from the neighbors so this will freeze well if needed.

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As I always say, things can change on a dime and what starts out as a disappointment can turn into a blessing if you change your focus. I’m sorry I’m missing my gal pals, but I’m happy to be where God needed me more. ❤

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“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”\n‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:16-18 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2018-03-03T02:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/03/the-upside-of-disappointment.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grace","God","Wisdom","Presence","Girl Camper","Girl Campers"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/02/change-your-focus.html", "title": "Change Your Focus", "content_html": "

\"Woman “Imagine if we obsessed about the things we LOVE about ourselves.”

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I’d love to have all the hours back that I obsessed about the things I didn’t like about myself. My hair. My body. My nose. My “flaws”…real or imagined. Can you imagine if we never, ever looked in the mirror and hated something we saw? Oh…what I really hate is that I put my faith in someone who judged me by my appearance. I really hate that I saw my self-worth through someone else’s lens. For…far…too…long.

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One of the wonderful things about rapidly approaching Medicare age is the ability to see myself as I truly am. I’m a slightly overweight, active grandma with great hair and pretty feet. I was talking with Mr. FixIt this week when we went on our little trip. I was telling him about a time in my life when I really hated who I was. Then I grew to hate that I couldn’t speak up and change the situation I was in that contributed to it. He looked at me and smiled. He said, “Well, you sure are a strong, opinionated woman now. You don’t take crap off of anyone!” My heart exploded. He GETS me!

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Every day, I focus on my word of the year. Presence. I am not that naive young girl who went into relationships looking for a knight in shining armor. I am not that willowy young thing who could eat anything I wanted and not gain an ounce. I don’t have the stamina that I had when I was 30…40…50….heck, 60! But, I love who I am. I am more of the woman in Proverbs 31 than I ever have been.

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Pastor Justin illustrated God’s forgiveness last Sunday in a way that will forever change how I look at myself. He was sitting at a table with a bottle of water. He always keeps a small towel nearby because it’s quite hot up there under the lights and he has a tendency to get fired up. He was talking about how we are made new when we accept Christ in our hearts. He died for our sins. That means, they are taken away. The old is gone.

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He covered the water bottle with the towel. “This is what happens when we are forgiven.”

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He pulled the towel back a bit. “The enemy wants us to keep looking back. He keeps reminding us of who we were. But that’s not who we are now.”

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He picked up the bottle, totally wrapped in the towel and said, “When we’ve been saved, God looks at us and sees Christ…not the old, beat up, soiled version of us…but the Christ-loving version.”

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My eyes swelled with tears when the full realization hit me that I don’t have to carry around all that baggage…all those burdens…all that self-loathing. It is not prideful to love and appreciate yourself as a child of God.

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I like my feet. I like my smile. I like my compassionate heart. I like the way my hair is graying with natural streaks. I used to pay a lot of money for that. I love the way every cell in my body was made new when I was saved. Appreciate yourself. Love yourself. Not in an arrogant, self-centered, narcissistic way. You are the only YOU there is in the world. The only YOU that has ever been or ever will be. God made you just this way with the very gifts the world needs that only YOU can give. Since scripture tells us to love others as we love ourselves the opposite must also be true. Love yourself as you love others. ❤

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“We love because he first loved us.”\n‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-02T02:30:53-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/02/change-your-focus.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/01/morning-walkabout.html", "title": "Morning Walkabout", "content_html": "

\"“Rhododendron “Rhododendron and the gas light”

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What an absolute treat it was to wake up out at the farm yesterday morning. Grandma’s bedroom is right along the creek’s edge and with all the rain we have been having, the sound of the water riffling along was like a lullaby. I slept so well and awoke refreshed and ready to face a busy day.

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Mr. FixIt and I did a morning walkabout on the property to check things out. He moved some fallen limbs from the ditch along the road and placed them on the burn pile. The daffodils are up about 8” high already and the grass is greening up nicely. I’ll need to mow before too long to mulch up the leaves that fell over the fall and winter. The rhododendron gets huge buds on them in the fall. They winter over and won’t bloom till late May or early June. They are still beautiful as they awaken from winter with a freshened shine to their leaves. They don’t drop their leaves like so many other plants. They just droop down all winter then stand up with their arms stretched wide in the spring.

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I am leaving today for a long camping weekend with the Girl Campers. We’ll be staying in cabins this trip. We try to get together in the late winter when the roads aren’t too bad. We work on whatever craft projects we have going. We make soups to share. These are some of the nicest women I have ever known and I look forward to these trips with great anticipation. I’ll share projects and recipes with you along the way but my writing may be a bit sparse this weekend as I take the time to kick back with my friends and relax.

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I do have some prayer requests for some wonderful people who are touched by illness. Please pray for healing, comfort, and God’s will. He knows who the prayers are for. Thank you all for your wonderful prayer support. There are many stars in your crowns. ❤️

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“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.”\n‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:26‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-01T02:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/01/morning-walkabout.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Camping","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Presence","Girl Camper","Girl Campers"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/26/my-love-has-a-name.html", "title": "My Love Has a Name", "content_html": "

\"Praise\" “My Love Has a Name…Jesus”

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I am always pumped on Mondays. My “Monday Morning Motivation” begins Sunday when Mr. FixIt and I walk into church. I’ve never gone to a church that has been so uplifting. I have never in my life looked forward to Sundays like I do now! It is such an amazing feeling to carry God with me into my week.

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The Praise and Worship Team sang a new song yesterday by the Christian rock band, Jesus Culture called “Love Has a Name”. Our sermon series for the month of February was entitled “Love Handles”. Yesterday, Pastors Justin and Heather sat down and talked to us about 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and put it in the perspective of our relationships. Let’s break it down.

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“Love is patient.” When Mr. FixIt takes an inordinate amount of time to type something out on his phone, my first instinct is to grab the phone and do it myself in about half the time. I’m not considering the fact that my fingers are half the size and I’ve spent a gazillion more hours typing on a keyboard as a writer than he has as a mechanical engineer designing tools. I have to remind myself to emulate God’s love…God’s perfect love…and be patient. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

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“Love is kind.” Show of hands…how many of you have cast a disparaging look at your significant other when he’s done something you think is stupid? How many have done the whole eye roll thing? That, in and of itself, is a very unkind thing to do. I’ve done it. I don’t like that I have. As a matter of fact, I read an article once by a marriage counselor and he said one of the tell tale signs that a marriage would fail was if one or the other partner rolled their eyes. It’s dismissive. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

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“It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” I see this to mean those times when your significant other bests you in some way. Or you, him. Lording it over the other with one-upsmanship brings competition into the equation and that can be very damaging to a relationship. I remember Hubby #2 and I took an online IQ test and I came out higher than he did. He was a doctor and I always felt somewhat “less than”, for a number of reasons. I rubbed that in and it didn’t go over well. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

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“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” You dishonor others by being disrespectful. This is a self-seeking behavior. Love is not easily angered. Pastor Heather said she heard something a long time ago that has always stuck with her. “Take the pause.” When something strikes you wrong, stop and take a breath before you lash out and say something you will regret later. That brings us to “no record of wrongs”. How many times have we held onto those slights and honed them to a rapier edge, only to slash our partner with them later. Maybe we “forgave” them, but brought it up anyway. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

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“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” Discord, cruelty, mean-spiritedness are evils that can take root in relationships, but the power of truth in real love is something you should always strive for. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

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“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” You should always protect your love. Always trusting doesn’t mean being gullible, but being fair minded and believe in your spouse. Always hope for the best in your spouse. And always persevere…keep going, even when the going gets tough. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

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I have learned to love Jesus more than anyone or anything. Everyone…even those you hold the closest to your heart…will disappoint you. Jesus will never disappoint. If we hold him at the center of all equations, we have far greater chance of success in every relationship…family, work, friends, school…everywhere.

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This is the song they sang yesterday…”Love Has a Name”. My love has a name…Jesus. ❤

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“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”\n‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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youtu.be/cZOBtpJ0_…

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-26T02:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/26/my-love-has-a-name.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Presence","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/24/ill-pray-for-you.html", "title": "I’ll Pray for You", "content_html": "

\"I’ll “I’ll Pray for You”

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How many times do we say that? Something happens to someone and we automatically say, “I’ll pray for you!” We hear of a tragedy and we say, “I’ll pray for you!” How many times do we say that…and forget to pray? Or, how about when you’re scrolling through Facebook and someone asks for prayers. We might type “Prayers!” Or “Done!” Or my personal favorite…”???” A furtive “God, please give this woman what she’s asking for.” These are good things, don’t get me wrong. But we can do so much better.

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I was working one afternoon after Mr. Virgo died and I noticed one of my coworkers was tearful. She was trying to hide it at her desk and I didn’t want to intrude. I got halfway down the hall when the Holy Spirit whispered…

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“Go to her…now.”

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“Awwww….c’mon. I’ve got a list of phone calls that would choke a horse! I haven’t even started the pharmacy refills yet. And I need to fax those reports. I’m really busy. Someone will help her. I’ll pray for her tonight when I get home.”

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“Go to her…NOW!”

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“Oooooooh…you mean…NOW! Sure!”

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I turned on my heel and went back to my coworker’s desk. I didn’t say anything. She didn’t look at me, but she knew I was there. Her shoulders slumped and shook with silent sobs. I placed my hand on her shoulder and she immediately leaned into me and cried harder.

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I whispered. “I don’t know what you’re going through right now…and I don’t need to know. But if you want, I would love to pray with you right now. Would that be ok?”

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She whispered back, “Yes! Yes, please!”

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I closed the door to her office, knelt beside her and took her hand. And prayed. I prayed for God’s love to wrap around my friend and comfort her. I prayed for strength and courage in whatever she was facing. I prayed God would use whatever trial she was walking through to bring her closer to him so she would know there was someone who always loved her, always had her back.

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It didn’t take long…just a couple minutes. My friend felt so much better afterwards and my work was still there, waiting for me. I felt better, too. Because, I actually did what I said I would do. By praying with my friend, I did more than placate her to make her feel better. I called on the living God…the Highest Power…to come into the situation and work on it.

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I once heard of a man in our church that was going through a rough patch. His friend was talking to him on the phone. They were both on the highway but several miles apart. The man asked his friend with the troubles to pull off at the next wide spot. Soon, he caught up and there, along I-70…the man placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder, lifted his other hand to the sky, and prayed. Right there for all to see.

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I don’t think you should ever miss the opportunity to pray with somebody. Of course, pray FOR them anytime. But pray WITH them whenever you can. It’s good for everyone. ❤

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“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.””\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-24T02:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/24/ill-pray-for-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/21/a-taste-of-spring.html", "title": "A Taste of Spring", "content_html": "

\"Burger “Burger al Fresco”

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One of the upsides of Facebook memories is documented progress. One of my readers shared a post yesterday that I wrote a year ago. I was declaring how gorgeous spring is in West Virginia. I observed the earth coming back to life, the shoots of spring bulbs exploding from the moist soil, the greening up of the world. I spoke of all the new babies being born in the fields surrounding the farm. And I talked about budding romances and how I was ready to try again. And here I am…a year later and in a relationship with a wonderful man. He is a constant reminder of how good God is to me.

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We awoke yesterday to the most gorgeous of early spring days. I had a dream. I don’t remember my dreams like I used to before Mr. Virgo died. And I seldom dream of him. I dreamt I was supposed to send Mr. Virgo a text every day with a scripture in it. Suddenly, he stopped responding to my texts. I looked everywhere for him. I asked everyone if they had seen him and they just stared blankly back at me. Six months went by and then a year, then three. No word. Then, out of the blue, someone told me he had “moved on”. I felt confused. Did he move on as in, he left me for someone else? When I was fully awake, I realized what “moved on” really meant. I had an instant wave of the creepy crawlies on the backs of my arms, then it went away and I was fine. Grief visits fleetingly sometimes…like a sparrow flitting in the brush just out of view.

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The temperature got up over 80 degrees. We had coffee by the pool and then headed to the farm. We cleaned inside and out. Mr. FixIt filled the bird feeders. I changed the spotlight on the three story barn. We stopped at the neighborhood grocer and bought a pound of fresh ground hamburger and sliced longhorn cheese. When we got home, we took the grill from the garage and put it on the deck by the pool and grilled burgers outside. It was sheer heaven to sit out in shorts and enjoy the evening.

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Some days get burned in your memory to keep for all time. That was yesterday. There were a lot of trees down from the saturated soil and the brisk winds earlier in the day. Baby calves lay in the muddy fields by their mamas. A cardinal sang in the forsythia bush by the side gate. Mr. FixIt took the drone he got for Christmas and went outside to “play” after supper. I heard a tree fall in the woods beyond the field. A rooster crowed in the distance. Neighbors waved as they passed by. My heart felt full and ached with the beauty of it all. Jesus promised he would make all things new one day. Spring is his way of giving us a taste of things to come.

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I am all too aware of how fragile this life is. It could be gone tomorrow. So I practice my word of the year and stay present. And I thank God for every moment. ❤️

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“He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.””\n‭‭Revelation‬ ‭21:5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-21T02:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/21/a-taste-of-spring.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/19/love-is-an-action-word.html", "title": "Love is an Action Word", "content_html": "\"Coffee\n

I’m doing something different today. Usually I write my essay then I go read and find a bible verse that best suits my message of the day. It’s easier that way for me because I look for verses about a certain theme, read and study them, then choose the one that speaks to me. To take a verse and pontificate on it seems a bit foreign after writing for nearly five years the other way. But today…I want to talk to you about Romans 12:6-8 specifically.

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As we always do, Mr. FixIt and I stood and held hands as we prayed and sang with the praise team in church yesterday. And, as I always do on the third song, I closed my eyes and prayed. I thanked God for all he has blessed us with. I thanked him for bringing me this fine man to stand with me in church to praise with me. I recited the Prayer of Jabez and asked that he bless me indeed, that he expand my territory, walk with his hand over me, and keep evil far from me that I may not feel pain. Then I asked…”If you have a specific message for me today, please deliver it to me through Pastor Justin.” Amen

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We’ve been doing a series entitled “Love Handles”. Not the muffin tops above our jeans from eating too many Oreos, but the action word…LOVE. The love we take out into the world. As Christians, we are called to be different. We aren’t supposed to go out and blend into the world. We should be shining the light of the Holy Spirit out into the world so brightly that people take notice when we walk into a room. Pastor Justin’s first Bible reading yesterday was Romans 12:6-8. It tells us that God, in his infinite grace, has given us all gifts for doing certain things very well…be it prophesy, service, teaching, encouraging, giving, leadership, or kindness. If you have a talent that comes to you easily and you do it very well, that is your gift. That is what you are here to share.

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Tears came to my eyes when I listened to the verse being read. “If God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you.” Prophesy has several meanings but the one I believe was being directed to me was “preach”. As I have grown in my faith and through this blog, I was led by the Holy Spirit to include scripture in my writing. If you were here when that started, you may remember the conversation I had with God in church when I got that message loud and clear and I argued vehemently against it. I did NOT want to “be that person.” I didn’t want to be “preachy” and turn people off.

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There have been instances when I see that people have “unliked” this page when I get too “churchy”. But I have to say, the most interaction this page receives is when my post is truly aligned with my heart, and thus…my faith. When I share my truth, my stories, through the lens of faith…they seem to reach through the miles and touch hearts. I’ve been feeling God nudging me to continue in that direction. That doesn’t mean every post here is going to be a sermon, because it isn’t. What it means is, I’m going to be a little less worried about what people think when I talk about God. It’s really easy to talk about God in a room full of believers. It is not nearly so easy to prophesy to those who don’t believe the same way I do. God has given me a gift of words. It is my duty to put them to the best use I can. I hope you will stick around and see where this goes because I think it’s going to get interesting. ❤

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“So we are to use our different gifts in accordance with the grace that God has given us. If our gift is to speak God’s message, we should do it according to the faith that we have; if it is to serve, we should serve; if it is to teach, we should teach; if it is to encourage others, we should do so. Whoever shares with others should do it generously; whoever has authority should work hard; whoever shows kindness to others should do it cheerfully.”\n‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:6-8‬ ‭GNB‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-19T02:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/19/love-is-an-action-word.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/18/the-mountain.html", "title": "The Mountain", "content_html": "

\"Sunrise “My Hope is in You Alone” - MercyMe

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I was writing last night and listening to a channel on Amazon Music called “Relaxing Christian Music”. MercyMe came on and sang “Even If You Don’t”. It’s about those times when your faith is challenged by the hardships you face in life. It made me think of the losses so many are facing. There are seventeen mothers and fathers preparing to lay their children to rest this week. It is easy to ask questions like, “Where was God during all this?” “How can God let bad things happen to innocent people…especially children?”

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Life can be really difficult. It can be filled with challenges and unfulfilled dreams. Disappointments. Hurts. Horrors. And…it can be filled with absolutely unmovable mountains.

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It’s easier to maintain our faith when the skies are sunny and life is good. When we are knee deep in blessings and goodness rains down on us like a spring shower, we’re good. But…what happens when the darkness comes? How do we maintain our faith when God seems to have abandoned us and is far, far away?

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God is capable of all things. I know he can do anything. I’ve seen him do it. When I was a little girl and I sat at my grandma’s knee, I asked her how she knew Jesus was who he said he was. How did she know he really walked on water? She smiled knowingly and patted my hand. “You just have to have faith, pet.” she said in her wise grandma way. It took me most of my life to absorb that…and to believe it.

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Faith.

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What is faith? The Bible tells us faith is the “substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” The substance of my hope is a loving God who can move mountains. The evidence of things not seen is when he refuses and I still believe in him.

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Sometimes God refuses to move the mountain that is in your way because that mountain is in HIS plan…not yours. My biggest mountain was losing Mr. Virgo. God knew that could shake my faith. So he let me see something. He let me see the essence of my husband’s spirit as it left his body. I was forever changed. Not only by the loss itself, but by the certainty that we go someplace else when we die, we are not alone and there is a power far greater than me at work in the world. That power…to me…is God. I will not understand the whys until I get where I am going…but I know the WHO.

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This has been a difficult year so far. There has been so much loss in the world. So many unmovable mountains. When I face these times, I find leaning into God and trusting him is the only way to get through it.

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He CAN move mountains. And…sometimes he chooses not to. It is the pure essence of faith when you can still believe in God when you have trouble seeing the evidence of his existence.

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My HOPE is in him…even when he doesn’t answer.

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MercyMe - Even If You Don’t\nhttps://youtu.be/B6fA35Ved-Y

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“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”\n‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭KJV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-18T02:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/18/the-mountain.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/16/staying-present.html", "title": "Staying Present", "content_html": "

\"Feather ”My burdens are light as a feather because God carries them for me.”

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I love Uma Girish. Uma is a Grief Guide…one who helps others walk their path with valuable tools she gives them along the way. Uma wrote a post about mindfulness that I wanted to share with you. We talk about mindfulness here a lot. My word of the year is “presence”. I practice mindfulness frequently. I sure wish I could say I practice it all the time, but my monkey brain kicks in and takes me on wild tangents. I get lost in the weeds. Then, Spirit sends me something…a message, a person, a hint. Yesterday…I was sent back to Uma.

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I have to admit…I’m struggling a little bit right now. I’ve been trying to put my finger on it and it’s a slippery little sucker. Is it this sinus infection I’m battling? Is it Seasonal Affective Disorder? Is it missing my family in Colorado? Is it the state of our world, politically…morally…naturally? Is it the horrific tragedies that seem to be around every corner these days? The answer is yes…all of the above.

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And…it is grief.

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Grief. That ever-present underground river that flows just under my heart. I’m counting down now to the five year anniversary of Mr. Virgo’s death. Five years. We were married just three weeks shy of six. We knew each other for seven and a half. I’m getting to the point where I’ve been without him as long as I had him. And it still hurts. I have this wonderful new man in my life who I’m over the moon in love with. And it still hurts. I’ve been incredibly blessed with this blog and the opportunities it has given me. And it still hurts. I have everything I need and then some. And. It. Still. Hurts.

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Yesterday morning I was flailing. I laid in bed with my cell phone, playing a game of solitaire. My stomach churned from the antibiotics I started the night before. My ears still had fluid in them and it sounded like someone wadding up a potato chip bag every time I swallowed. It’s been raining and dreary for several days. All I wanted to do was pull the covers over my head and stay there the rest of my life. That is where I put my mindfulness. Up on a shelf…out of reach.

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I forced myself to get up…get dressed…pull the covers up on the bed. I made myself eat toast and tea. Gratefully, Mr. FixIt turned off the television so I didn’t have to see any more of the horrible news out of Florida. I took my tea to the sofa just as the sun peeked out of the clouds for the first time this week. I snuggled down into my “nest” and opened my iPad to check my email. And there was Uma’s newsletter. Her topic of the day? Mindfulness. I laughed. Sometimes God gently walks up beside me and says…really loud…LISTEN!

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I did as Uma suggested…as I’ve done hundreds of times…as I’ve shared with you. I sat still. I closed my eyes. I stopped multitasking and just listened. I felt the sofa under me, cradling my body. I felt the lap desk on my thighs. I paid attention to my breath and my pain. I listened to my heart breaking again. It’s nothing like it was in the beginning. It has morphed and changed, waxed and waned. It’s just a current of energy that mixes with all the other currents in my world. Sometimes the rheostat gets cranked up a little higher, that’s all. Holidays. Birthdays. Angelversaries. Bluebirds. Cigars. I never know what will set it off or when. But I can become mindful…present…still. I can center myself and deal with the one thing and not the everything at once thing.

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Thank you, Uma…for reminding us to stop and listen and center ourselves before we head down the rabbit hole. As the sun sent last night and I heard the spring peepers, I felt the axis shift and I’m much, much better. ❤

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“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”\n‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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umagirish.com/2018/02/1…

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-16T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/16/staying-present.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Grace","God","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/09/colorado-memories.html", "title": "Colorado Memories", "content_html": "

\"House “House in the Colorado Snow”

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I lived in Colorado for two-thirds of my adult life. I have always considered West Virginia to be “home”, but this sweet little house was a pretty close second. I bought it when my second marriage ended in divorce. It was the first home I ever owned on my own.

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Being a home owner is such a mixed bag. There’s the tax deduction for the mortgage interest. That’s a plus. There’s the mortgage itself…\nunless you are greatly blessed to not have one. That’s not so great if it strains your budget. There’s the comfort and security of a roof over your head. That’s a plus. There’s the maintenance and repairs that, in my case, were becoming quite costly. That’s difficult to plan for. There’s that wonderful covered front porch and meticulously manicured lawn, trees, shrubs, and flowers. That was truly my favorite part of living in this house. But the water bill alone could be $400 in the peak of summer irrigation, not to mention the high heating costs in the winter. Throw in mowing and shoveling snow all by my self along with memories of Mr. Virgo around every corner and I was done. Totally overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.

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Looking back, I often wonder if I would have done anything differently if I were facing these decisions with today’s brain as opposed to grief brain. I came very close to backing out of the sales contract and renting the house out till I could be more certain this was what I really wanted to do. When I mentioned it to my real estate agent, she was horrified and exclaimed, “Oh no….you don’t want to do THAT!” In my confused state, I acquiesced and continued down the path of selling.

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Sales on my side of the Rockies had gone soft, just as the prices in the Denver Metro area had skyrocketed…leaving me priced out of the real estate market entirely. I had to change course. At the same time, my aunt needed help on the farm in West Virginia, so my fate was sealed. I bought the bigger camper and move here.

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Everything happened just as it was supposed to. If I would have stayed in my house, I would not have run into Mr. FixIt. And I wouldn’t trade him for anything. I know I did the right thing. I still look at this house with mixed feelings though. I suppose I always will. It was where I shared my life with Mr. Virgo. He is gone…and so is the house that held us.

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New life, new love, new beginnings. This is a beautiful life I’ve built without all the encumbrances a house with a mortgage entails. And…there are two to carry the load now. Thank you, God! ❤

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“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”\n‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭4:9-10‬ ‭NIV11‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-09T02:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/09/colorado-memories.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/08/when-things-get-scary.html", "title": "When Things Get Scary", "content_html": "

\"Stock “Stock Market”

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Disclaimer: I do not give financial advice. This essay only expresses my feelings.

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Personal wealth is a matter of comparison. If you compare my financial picture to a goat herder in the Sahara Desert, I am a multimillionaire. If you compare me to a member of the Fortune 500, I am poor as a church mouse. It’s all relative. But what I do have, I want to protect and watch over carefully.

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I have spent my whole life deferring all this nasty talk of money to the man in my life. Not because I am incapable of understanding the intricacies of a budget, but because any marital discord I have ever experienced in my life has had something to do with money. Usually with him making it and me spending too much of it. My parents fought over money constantly. Frankly, money…or the lack thereof…scared the heck out of me. So, I avoided talking about it.

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Then, Mr. Virgo up and died on me and left me to learn a lifetime of money management skills I simply did not possess. The first thing I did the week after the funeral was to switch to a financial advisor who specializes in women in transition…ie widows or divorcees. Danielle Howard was recommended to me by a fellow widow friend who was kind enough to help me set up and meet with her for the first time.

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Danielle offers two lanes in her financial planning…secular and Christian. I was intrigued. The Christian approach teaches you to be a good steward of what God has provided for you. That’s the route I went with. I met with Danielle frequently at first because there was so much to learn. I wasn’t confident in my decision making skills at all. Danielle was patient, understanding, and nonjudgmental when I made SO many mistakes in the first two or three years after Mr. Virgo died.

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I was told, “Watch your money.” “Don’t make any big financial decisions in the first year.” “Resist the urge to be overly generous.” But did I listen? Not very well. I tried to fill that hole in my heart with travel and shopping and generosity. Then I woke up and realized, I had to be MUCH more careful or I was going to run out of money.

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The Stock Market is probably the singularly scariest entity in my life. I am convinced it is the Devil’s spawn. This last year has been wonderful because I could breathe and not worry about losing what little bit of money I have invested. It’s been a banner year for stocks. Then…the “Big Bang” hit late last week and early this week. When the market fell 1500 points on Monday, I panicked. I called Danielle and left a voice mail telling her I was totally freaking out and could she kindly call me back as soon as possible.

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Then I fixed a cup of tea. I mean, what else could I do, right? Tea…and wait. Visions of selling pencils from a cup on the street corner started to float in front of me and my heart raced. Crazy…I know. But that’s what money does to me. Then I remembered all those meetings with Danielle at the Bluebird Cafe where we sat over coffee and she taught me about money.

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“What would Danielle do?” I thought to myself.

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I could almost hear her voice. “Knowledge is power.”

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I went to the internet and started reading some of the reputable financial news sites to get their take on the biggest drop ever. I soothed myself with articles about market corrections and stabilization. How these things are expected and actually good for the market in the long run. The takeaway I got was…breathe. Don’t pull out. Just hold steady and ride the waves.

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I’m pretty good at riding waves.

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By the time Danielle called, I was feeling much more in control. I told her about going online and educating myself as to what was going on and what it meant. And I felt so empowered when she said, “Way to go! That’s really great that you took a proactive stance and learned all you could so you could make informed decisions.” I know it sounds so silly, but that was HUGE for me. I felt so…grown up and more in control.

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This last year has been really interesting for me. Since downsizing and living a minimalistic lifestyle, I have found my spending to be under much better control. I’ve become more frugal, careful. I don’t NEED anything, really. If I accumulate, I have to go through downsizing. I really don’t ever want to do that again.

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Widowhood and divorce can often leave us in dire straights. Knowledge really IS power so learn all you can about money and budgeting. And remember, dealing with corrections in the Stock Market is exactly like skiing in deep powder. You have to kick back and rest on the tails of your skis. If you lean too far forward, you’ll take a tumble.

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Oh…and pray. Pray a LOT! ❤

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“Why should fools have money in hand to buy wisdom, when they are not able to understand it?”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭17:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-08T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/08/when-things-get-scary.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/07/i-am-enough.html", "title": "I Am Enough", "content_html": "

\"Woman “I Am Enough”

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A friend of mine posts these really great inspirational messages on her Facebook page. She comes up with original questions, collections of photos surrounding a theme, and generally spreads love and light throughout the world…with an occasional “f-bomb” thrown in for emphasis. Her name is Barbara. I think she should write a book or have a syndicated newsletter or something because I never see her stuff without feeling uplifted and in awe. I love her.

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Yesterday she posted the following question:

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WHO ARE YOU?\nAnswer without:\nName, Job, Things you Did, Friends

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As I always do with her thought provoking posts…I sat and thought. I made a cup of tea. I stared out the window. I listened to a recording of ocean waves. And…I sat and thought some more. I could answer many things. Christian. Gypsy. Dreamer. Giver. Lover. Friend. But those things only answer a part of the question with those parameters. I decided on this…

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I Am Enough.

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When this picture was taken, I was visiting my dear friend, Patti from Buffalo Baking Company in California. I had just completed a few of my big “firsts”. My first foray into the world of dating. HUGE mistake on the dating end. BIG help on the “having a shoulder to cry on” end. It didn’t turn out very well for either of us, unfortunately. Too much…WAY too soon. I had survived our anniversary, our birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. And I headed to the west coast to stay with a woman I had never met in person…I only knew her through this blog. But I knew her heart and she is good and she loved on me for a week.

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I had it in my head that once the clock struck midnight and 2013 turned into 2014, I could say…”He died LAST YEAR”. Somehow I thought that would sweep up the wreckage of my life from the floor where it fell eight months earlier. It would be the glue to piece my heart back together. On this day…New Year’s Day 2014…we drove to Half Moon Bay play tourist. We walked the beach, browsed the shops, ate fabulous seafood, and enjoyed each other’s company.

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When we got to the beach, I asked if I could have a moment alone. I walked to the water’s edge and talked to Mr. Virgo. I told him how much I loved him. I let a little piece of him go free. I placed a few strands of his hair into the foam around my freezing bare feet. And I cried. As I was walking back to Patti and her husband, I saw she had her camera poised and I threw up my hands as if to say, “Ta Da!!! That’s done!!!”

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Oh…I was SO naive.

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I only THOUGHT I was done. I thought the New Year would bring a new me…sans tears, anxiety, sleepless nights throwing up, fits of rage and depression, and deep melancholia. It was far from it. It only opened my eyes to the stark reality that this really WAS real. He really WAS gone. And now, I got the opportunity to feel it all without that protective gauze of grief sheltering my weary heart and mind from the full blow. Now I was raw, open, searing with the painful presence of daily life…without him. Without my heart. Without my mind. At least as I had known it.

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That second year was exactly like holding a sword into the white hot heat of a forge. It tempered me. It made me stronger so that when I was beaten, I held my edge. I became sharp and strong. I was honed into a new version of me.

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When you look at the edge of a well-honed sword, you do not see a sharp, straight line. You see little bits and fragments and fingers of metal that have been forced to line up in the same direction. But there are chips and divots and feathers of steel lining up like soldiers marching in formation. Yet, zoom back out and you can cut a watermelon in midair with one easy stroke.

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When you hone a sword, there is a stopping point. There is a place where you say…that is enough. If you keep going, the blade doesn’t get any sharper. It just wears away. This is where I am on this journey now. If I keep grinding away at this, I just get worn till I’m useless. There was that tipping point somewhere along the line where I said to myself…I Am Enough. This is good…this life I have built. I have surrounded myself with love and light. God, in his infinite Mercy, has given me more hearts to love and more time to love them. If my edge should dull…and it will…I will put my feet to the flame again and get strong and sharp. Over and over and over…ad infinitum. It is what we do. It is the best we can do. It is ALL we can do. Do the work. Walk through the flames. Become stronger. And proclaim to the world…

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I. Am. Enough. And, my darling friend…you are, too!

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❤️

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“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:6‬ ‭NIV11‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-07T02:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/07/i-am-enough.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/29/boundaries.html", "title": "Boundaries", "content_html": "

\"“Boundaries”\" “Boundaries” by Ginny McKinney

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Something I knew nothing about growing up. There were no boundaries save for one. Don’t rock the boat. Ahhh…the walking on egg shells that comes with being the child of an alcoholic. We learn at an early age to dodge bullets. But boundaries? We either didn’t have many…or I didn’t understand the concept. I didn’t know for the longest time where other people ended and I began. I lived my life in a sort of parasitic relationship with my “hosts”…much like Spanish Moss and Mistletoe. My insecurities made it difficult for me to express my own opinions. I was a chameleon…I changed with the whims of my beneficiary…whomever it should be.

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I’d love to say I out grew that in my late teens, early twenties like most people, but I did not. I really only broke free from the bondage of self loathing after Mr. Virgo came into my world and convinced me of my worth. Still, boundaries were a challenge. I didn’t exercise enough boundaries with my children. I didn’t exercise boundaries with friends and relationships. And I certainly didn’t practice boundaries with myself.

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As I continue to grow in my faith walk, I learn more and more about boundaries. Pastor Justin presented an excellent series this month about fixing ourselves up…just like flipping a house. First, you make sure you have a good, solid foundation. Then you give the very best of yourself. Then you get your head right. You get rid of the stinkin’ thinkin’ of the days before you were saved. Change your mind…Change your life. All these things are foundational, and well heeded. But you have to protect your progress, Pastor Justin says…by setting up boundaries. You can’t let the enemy get a foothold in this life of yours. I have been known to cuss like a sailor. I’m doing MUCH better…but I still slip.

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This is what I was referring to the other day…we are what we eat. Not literally. We aren’t broccoli and cauliflower. But what we allow to come into us, gets expressed by us into the world. Mr. FixIt and I are a team. We have to set up our perimeter to keep the enemy from infiltrating our ranks…to keep him from trying to divide and conquer. We have to work as a team and to do that, we give each other gentle reminders to shore up that boundary…that little leak in our boat. Because little leaks become big leaks and we’ll drown before we get to shore if we aren’t ever vigilant.

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Does this mean we can’t relax and kick back and enjoy life? Not at all. But it does mean we have an accountability partner in the other and we must always bring our best to the table. And we keep our perimeter wall strong and our foundation deep. Because we keep God at the top of the triangle. As we strive towards Him…we inevitably become closer. It is our recipe for success.

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It’s #MondayMotivation…time to do our spring cleaning and put our house in order. ❤️

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“Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭16:5-9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-29T02:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/29/boundaries.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Love","God","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/28/the-is-the-day-the.html", "title": "The Is The Day The Lord Hath Made", "content_html": "

\"Praise\" Praise

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Let us celebrate and be GLAD in it! It is so easy to celebrate and be glad in the day when all is right in your world, isn’t it? I mean, we want God’s blessings, right? We are happy in our blessings and we (hopefully) thank God for providing for us. It’s a different story when things aren’t going well. It is SO hard to celebrate and be glad when your world is falling apart. I don’t think God is asking you to go out in the streets and celebrate with singing and dancing if you are sincerely in the throes of pain. We can still celebrate the fact we have a loving Father who is going to use our pain for good in some way. He is working in the background, far beyond our understanding, twisting and turning events to bring you favor. We can still be glad in the day he has made, even if we can’t drag ourselves out of bed to enjoy it. I’ve been there. I know what mattress surfing is like. And I still rejoiced that I had someone who loved me more than I could ever imagine.

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Bringing joy into the world isn’t always easy, but the more you try, the more you succeed, and the more you succeed, the more joy you have to give. It is truly the gift that keeps on giving. When I see joy in someone, I stop them and recognize it in them. We are here to love and encourage one another. When you let someone know that you SEE their efforts, your encouragement causes them to grow and expand. It’s an amazing gift you give them…and give yourself.

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I ran across this video last night and I just had to share with you. Here’s a little girl with more joy than she can possibly contain. Here’s a future worship leader! A future teacher! A future politician! A future doctor! She has the whole world ahead of her and plenty of joy to share. This is the day the Lord hath made…let us rejoice and be glad in it! Go out there and make it a great day today!!! ❤️

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youtu.be/3QivliBtp…

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“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭118:24‬ ‭KJV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-28T02:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/28/the-is-the-day-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/20/savor-the-sweet.html", "title": "Savor the Sweet", "content_html": "\"Woman\n

The first time I set foot in a trout stream, I was six years old. It was the summer before my life would be forever changed by the illicit touch of a stranger. The summer of 1960 found my family on its very first vacation. We traveled to the mountains of West Virginia and rented a small cabin for a week. I remember mom frying trout in an iron skillet. I remember my brother and I playing quietly in the shade of the many trees surrounding our camp. I remember my dad standing in the shallow middle, up to his knees, casting over and over with the flies he had meticulously tied at his workbench in the basement. And I remember the river. The North Fork of the South Branch of the Potomac River, to be exact.

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I didn’t have much experience with open bodies of water. Mom had instilled an unhealthy fear of water in me with stories of the time she saved her baby sister from drowning. She had no intention of ever having to save me, so I was banished from any water sports. And, it turns out…I’m a bit of a water baby. I remember one day in particular. Dad was out in his favorite fishing hole, patiently casting, and I stood at the river’s edge. I contemplated the ripples as they passed over the smooth river rocks. I gazed at the deep pools that changed to the color of emeralds where the sandy bottom lay two or three feet below. I delighted at the light dancing on the surface like a thousand diamonds and the trout flashing as they breached the surface to catch their next meal.

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That was a simple and peaceful summer…the last I would know before my innocence was taken from me. But, that is not to say, I have never found moments that have recaptured that sense of awe and wonder. I have…many times. Yesterday was one of those days that delivered sweet things…one after another…till I was overflowing with the beauty and simplicity of it all.

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I made my routine trip to the farm to see how the kitties are fairing. I checked the stove and the basement. I sat, as I always do, in the chair in “Grandma’s Window” and watched the birds at the feeder. I listened to the sounds of an old house…living and breathing…its bones creaking like the old woman that she is. I watched the pendulum in Mr. Virgo’s clock swing back and forth, reminding me I couldn’t stay too long. We had company coming.

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I stopped at the neighbor’s for a bit and delivered a small gift of French Truffles. We passed the time, catching up on the news of the neighbors and I left with promises it wouldn’t be so long till my next visit. I turned the truck toward home. I checked the mail and found a pink slip…a package had come and would be waiting for me at the post office. Mr. FixIt offered to go pick it up as I put the groceries away. I no sooner sat down till our company arrived.

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Mr. FixIt’s granddaughter and her family brought their baby to see Papaw and GG! I have inherited a whole passel of people in this relationship, including a son and his wife, a daughter and her man, three granddaughters (two of whom have significant others), a grandson and his girlfriend, and a great granddaughter. You know what that means, don’t you? I am a great grandmother! And…considering I am WAY too young to be one (smile)…I am GG. Great Grandma. Grandma Ginny. GG. It suits me. The baby is four months old and the most precious little thing. What a treat to hold and rock a little one again!

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Before long, Mr. FixIt came back with my box. I couldn’t wait to open it. It was a special introductory gift box from my dear friend, and fellow Sister on the Fly, Michelle McMullen Cummings with her newly published book, The Reel Sisters! https://www.thereelsisters.com/product/the-reel-sisters-gift-box/ Now I have two books to read, one published and one unpublished with an invitation to write early praise for its release. Both written by strong women I admire and I can’t wait to get into them! The reminder of these sister friendships warmed my heart as rocked and sang a lullaby to the newest member of our immediate family. I thought…”I will teach you to fly, little sister” as I sniffed the top of her sweet, soft head.

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I am enjoying getting to know and bond with Mr. FixIt’s family. As his granddaughter bundled up the baby and prepared to leave yesterday, she turned to me and said, “I like you. You make my grandpa very happy.” I like her, too. She reminds me a little of myself when I was her age. A young mother, in love with her baby, her life stretching before her like an endless summer. It filled me with a soft warmth. As I sat propped in our bed last night, typing away at the keyboard writing this post, that very happy Papaw came in with a small bowl of ice cream and a kiss on the top of my head. And I swear…my heart exploded with joy.

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The sweet simplicity of a life lived with boundless joy. My God has delivered me far, far from the pain life can bring. For now. There will be pain again. There always is. This is life, after all. The difference is, I have this now. I am building my insurance policy. These stories are money in my emotional bank…stories to look back upon one day and remember the joy I felt on a cold January day in the sun. ❤️

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“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”\n‭‭James‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-20T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/20/savor-the-sweet.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/19/catching-up.html", "title": "Catching Up", "content_html": "\"Coffee\n

One of the best ways to catch up with paperwork is to have peaceful surroundings. Mr. FixIt had a day of errands to do. I think he kinda wanted me to tag along with him yesterday, but I know us well…I would have ended up coming in at 9:30 last night and none of this work would have gotten done.

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As soon as he left (with a big hug and kiss) I turned on praise music and cranked it up. I always need a little extra dose of Jesus when I am heading into a formidable task. Wading through many bags and boxes of papers and sorting them into some sort of organization that allows me to actually put my finger on things was the order of the day. With praise, and good coffee and French Truffles…I waded in with both feet and started making the first cuts. What was trash. What needed to be kept in which pile. I really, really hate paperwork! “Jesus is calling…” I can do this. “Do you thirst for a drink from the well…” I can do this. “The Father’s arms are open wide…” Oh, yes…I can definitely do this! “Bring your sorrows and trade them for joy…” YES…let’s DO this!!!

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As I often do, I talk out loud to Jesus when I’m working. The conversation is never one-sided. He always speaks to me through the Holy Spirit and tells me everything I need to hear. First, he smacks my hand a little…”Keep up with this stuff better.” He chides gently. “You know what an ordeal it is when you put it off till the end of the year. It seems overwhelming. If it’s difficult to slog through…remember to talk with me while you’re working. It makes the time pass faster. And, I can help. I can help you put things into perspective. I can help you find lost papers. I can help you remember who you need to talk to about this and that. I can help you make important decisions. Just remember to include me…even in the most mundane of your daily activities.”

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Then He goes on with his daily teaching. “Thank your Father for the gifts you receive. See all these papers? They are all articles of provision. That bank account? I gave you that gift to provide for your every need. Respect that. Balance every month…not because it’s a drudge, but because it’s an honor to see the abundance you have been provided with. The same goes for that insurance policy you have been complaining about because the price went up. Be grateful you HAVE insurance…and so far, you haven’t run out of money to pay for it. What about that accident last February? I know you have been dreading searching for all the papers you need to have in order to finish out that claim. Yes, that’s a pain…but, I made sure you weren’t terribly injured. And you received a much newer truck when yours was totaled. It was “a miracle” when you got that check that just almost covered the new truck, wasn’t it? It was Me…I made sure you have a safe, affordable vehicle. A little gratitude goes a long way, dear one.”

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What blessings I have. I have a Father that provides for me. I have a loving family that supports and loves me. I have this tremendous man in my life who loves me and shares his home with me as if it has always been mine…he’s just been waiting for me to come along. I have my health. I have the farm. I have TOW-Wanda. I have a retirement. I have Social Security and health insurance and soon, I’ll have Medicare…that carrot at the end of the race that will help provide for me in my golden years. I have a house…TWO houses…THREE if you count TOW-Wanda…to shelter me from the storms of life. I have food and clean water and clothes. I am wealthy….beyond my wildest dreams. I am LOVED. What a lovely way to look at the mundane, dreary chore of sorting through paperwork. What a lovely way to look at the world. Thank you, God! “You’re a good, good Father…it’s who you are, it’s who you are…” ❤️

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“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-19T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/19/catching-up.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/16/on-being-loved.html", "title": "On Being Loved", "content_html": "\"Flowers\n

Mr. FixIt and I have developed this little routine the last few months. We have a nice dinner and clear up the dishes. We sit together for a while and talk or maybe watch a movie or an episode of Big Bang or MASH. When it’s time for a bedtime snack, I take mine into the bedroom at the far end of the house and write while my sweetie watches a ball game or the news and weather. It works out great and we both have that little bit of alone time everyone needs in a relationship. I’ve taken to listening to nature sounds on Amazon Music as I write so quite often, in my head, there’s a thunderstorm raging or ocean waves are gently lapping at the shore or birds are singing in a tropical rainforest. It’s so soothing and easy to write to.

\n

My guy bowls on a couple of leagues and has for over thirty years. Bowling offered him the opportunity to socialize with fun people. He is gregarious, and bowling has been a great outlet for him. The other night he stopped at the store on the way home. He always calls me before he heads home because no matter where we are staying…his house or mine…it is a good forty minutes from town. He asks if I need anything. Usually, I don’t. He called me from the driveway the other night and asked me to open the door. He’s not supposed to carry anything in his bad hand yet. When I greeted him at the door, he handed me the groceries and I ducked in the kitchen with them. It was SO cold out there…I wanted away from the door as fast as I could. When I turned around to hug him, he handed me this bouquet of yellow roses.

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I love yellow roses. I love great big bouquets of mixed flowers but all in white. I love a live orchid. Mr. Virgo used to bring me flowers. And now…I have this sweet love…this good, good man. And HE brings me flowers, too. Guys like Mr. Virgo and Mr. FixIt are a rare breed. My sweetheart told me the other day he wished we had started dating in high school so we could have had our whole lives together. I understand that thinking, and it’s sweet…really. But the thing is, we are the people we are right now simply BECAUSE of the life experiences we have been through. There is a really big chance we wouldn’t have gotten along in our early years. All of our experiences have been opportunities for personal growth. We came together when we did because it was GOD’S timing…not ours.

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When we can move over and get out of the way, God does extraordinary things in our lives. “Let go and let God” isn’t just a pithy saying or a tired cliche from an AA meeting. It is straight outta the instruction manual for life…the Bible. Oh, we are such proud creatures. We want to have control. We want to steer the boat and make it go where WE want it. At any given moment, there is a preordained course designed specifically for us. God knows your name. He has plans to prosper you. God loves you more than anyone in the world. He loves you more than you can fathom. You can make it SO much easier if you put God in the driver’s seat. The easiest way to do that is ask. Just ask Him…first thing in the morning. “Where are you going to take me today, Lord?” Then get out of the way. Oh, my…could it really be that easy??? ❤️

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“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-16T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/16/on-being-loved.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/13/the-umbrella-incident-or-how.html", "title": "“The Umbrella Incident” or “How to Feed Your Man”", "content_html": "

\"Winter “Winter Flooding in West Virginia” by Ginny McKinney

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It all started innocently enough. It was going to rain and I was heading to town soon. As I jumped in the shower, I called out to Mr. FixIt.

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“Honey…would you mind grabbing my umbrella out of the truck?”

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When I got dressed and was heading out the door, I looked around. My umbrella wasn’t there. I asked if he had gotten it for me and Mr. FixIt said no. There was an umbrella there by the door. Now, it was a perfectly good umbrella. One that, you know, keeps rain off of you. But I wanted MY umbrella and I felt Mr. FixIt had made a decision for me. I didn’t like it.

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Silly…that was just plain silly of me. But, I am my mother’s daughter and stubborn is my middle name. I hopped out the door and into the rain…sans umbrella.

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“I’ll show YOU!” I thought as I made a mad dash for the truck. “I don’t need your stinky old boy umbrella!”

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Ridiculous. I got wet because I got my nose out of joint. And why? Because, somewhere in the far recesses of my mind I equated “Please get my umbrella.” with “Please tell me you love me.” That is old school thinking right there…something I thought I left behind like…two relationships ago.

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It’s been a couple of weeks now. And ever since, I’ve been criticizing Mr. FixIt’s every move. Mostly because he’s a man and he had surgery and he’s SUPPOSED to be taking care of that hand so it will heal properly and he’s as stubborn as me and he does things his way and….did I say he was stubborn? I have spent the better part of two weeks with “Don’t pick that up!” And “Here…let ME do it!” I think there were eye-rolls involved. All of this was done in an effort to punish him for a perceived slight that was nothing more than something made up in my head. Some unpacked baggage from seasons past that has absolutely nothing to do with him.

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Then…the rain started.

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It rained…hard. Yesterday morning I awoke to the sounds of the carpet cleaner sucking water up from the rug downstairs. The basement flooded! I jumped up and ran downstairs. And there was my man…emptying one gallon containers of dirty water into the sink…carrying them with two hands, one of which he isn’t supposed to lift anything heavier than popcorn.

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“Breathe…breathe…don’t scold him. He’s not a child.” My inner voice reasoned with me.

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“Did you plug in the sump pump?” I asked.

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“No.” Shoulders slumped. Voice dejected.

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“Are you kidding me?” I asked.

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Shoulders slumped more. “Stupid. It was stupid.”

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I took the carpet cleaner and started that part myself so he wouldn’t have to carry the bucket to the sink. Mr. FixIt went about sweeping up water in the room without carpet. He ran the vacuum. We didn’t talk much. Then I sent him off on an errand to town.

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After he left, I went upstairs and fixed myself a cup of coffee. I sipped it as I ran the carpet cleaner back and forth over the soggy carpet. And I fumed. Then I could see the dejected slump of my sweetheart’s shoulders and my heart softened.

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“Lord,” I said out loud. “I haven’t been loving this wonderful man you gave me the way I should. I haven’t been loving him the way you love me. And all because he didn’t get my umbrella for me!”

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I sucked up more water, emptied the bucket, and began again.

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“Lord, please give me the heart of a cheerful servant. Let me see all of his good qualities and none of the annoying traits that make us human. Can you do that for me, please?” I asked with sincere earnestness in my voice.

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Suddenly, the old hymn “Farther Along” started up in my mind and I began to sing out loud as I vacuumed up bucket after bucket of water.

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“Tempted and tried we’re oft made to wonder\nWhy it should be thus all the day long\nWhile there are others living about us\nNever molested though in the wrong.

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Farther along we’ll know all about it\nFarther along well understand why\nCheer up my brother, live in the sunshine\nWe’ll understand it all by and by.

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When death has come and taken our loved ones\nIt leaves our home so lonely and drear\nThen do we wonder why others prosper\nLiving so wicked year after year.

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When we see Jesus coming in glory\nWhen he comes down from his home in the sky\nThen we shall meet him in that bright mansion\nWe’ll understand it all by and by.

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Farther along we’ll know all about it\nFarther along we’ll understand why\nCheer up my brother, live in the sunshine\nWe’ll understand it all by and by.

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Yes, we’ll understand it…all by and by.”

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I sang and sang and in two verses…maybe three…something happened. Any negative thoughts I had been having dissolved. My heart was soft and open. God had indeed given me the heart of a cheerful servant, just as I had asked.

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I went on and worked, happily singing and emptying bucket after bucket of dirty flood water. I worked for about three hours when Mr. FixIt walked in carrying breakfast for me. I went upstairs and gave him a great big hug and an even bigger smile. I thanked him profusely for bringing me a warm breakfast. I hadn’t taken time to eat. I patted the seat beside me. He shook his head and said no…he needed to get back to it.

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“Please?” I begged. “Just for a minute.”

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He smiled and sat down.

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“Sweetheart, listen…I know you feel stupid for not plugging in the sump pump. But, I could have thought of it, too. And I didn’t. We unplugged it to put up the snowman for Christmas and just forgot. We make mistakes…it happens. It wasn’t your fault.” I put my hand on his knee and looked at him intently. I wanted to make sure he heard me.

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Mr. FixIt turned those baby blues to mine and gave me his sweetest smile. And, I felt I’d made it right. This is how you feed a man. You feed his spirit. You feed his soul. You breathe life into him. When you start looking for the bad in your love…that’s all you will see. I really, REALLY don’t want to go there. Do I get it right all the time? Oh, heck no! I’m human, too. I stumble and forget and let my lower self talk WAY too often. But sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I remember to ask God for help. Yesterday was one of those days. ❤️

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“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”\n‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-13T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/13/the-umbrella-incident-or-how.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/12/here-comes-the-rain.html", "title": "Here Comes the Rain", "content_html": "

\"The “Belpre Bridge” by Ginny McKinney

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Yesterday morning was sunny and warm. By warm, I mean 47. As in…above freezing! And by afternoon it was 72 degrees according to the thermometer on my truck. swoon I haven’t felt this warm since sometime back in September. It was downright balmy out there!

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Mr. FixIt and I had errands to run yesterday and he asked me mid-day what I’d like for lunch. My go to favorite? The Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad with Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing from Chik-fil-A! And my go to favorite place to eat it? Point Park in Parkersburg. I wanted to watch the ice floes out on the Ohio River. Yesterday, there were three Blue Herons and a bunch of Seagulls sitting out on the ice. I believe two gents were trying to woo the same lady heron because one kept shooing off the interloper. Said lady was having none of it and kept flying away from Mr. Romance.

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It had just started raining when we parked in our favorite spot. We really wanted to see a tug pushing barges through the ice but unfortunately, none came along. As an update, Mr. FixIt started working with a hand therapist yesterday. He’s doing really well. He did strain it a little last Sunday night when he pushed up off the floor, but it’s much better now. The therapist made a custom splint for his wrist and thumb that is much sturdier than the one he was given at the surgeon’s office and I am relieved. I was very worried he would slip on the ice and snow last week and really do some damage. We sure don’t want to have to go through this again!

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One of my friends and his wife lost their faithful companion, Blue, yesterday. When I was so lonely and hurting, so many of my readers encouraged me to adopt a dog, but this is exactly why I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t put myself through that loss. Mr. Virgo and I put our seventeen-year-old Yorkie-Maltese mix down just three months before Mr. Virgo himself died suddenly. We had had Cricket cremated and were going to spread her ashes in the flower garden in the spring. When Mr. Virgo died, I just put that little box of ashes in the casket with him and swore I’d never have another dog. My heart aches for those who lose their beloved fur babies.

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With the nature of grief being so unpredictable, sometimes you literally feel as though you are just one crisis away from losing it entirely. I cannot tell you how many times I have been in the throes of grief, and the accompanying anxiety, and I have felt like I just couldn’t handle one more thing. As a matter of fact, the FEAR of having one more thing happen actually escalated everything. I have an arsenal of coping strategies at my disposal, but sometimes the slope is too steep and the boulder gains too much momentum too fast. There were so many nights when it all got away from me and all I could do was cling to God and pray for morning. If I can get a hold of the wave early enough, the best thing I can do is get out of the situation I’m in. It usually hits me when I’m in bed, so I get up and do something…scrub the kitchen floor, clean out the fridge, run the vacuum.

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Another thing that will stop things from spinning out of control for me is writing. There have been countless times I’ve sat down to write my post while I’m feeling the waves of grief and anxiety come over me. As I write, I can literally feel the stress, fear, and anxiety fade…sometimes melting away entirely. I can’t stress enough how much writing can help you through grief. You don’t have to have a blog. Get a journal and write in it every night. I not only wrote this blog, but I filled several personal journals through the first two or three years after Mr. Virgo died. Writing saved me. TOW-Wanda saved me. God saved me. ❤️

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““This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you.”\n‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭30:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-12T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/12/here-comes-the-rain.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/11/the-bent-reed.html", "title": "The Bent Reed", "content_html": "

\"The “The Bent Reed” by Ginny McKinney

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A lot of people are struggling right now. I don’t know what it is about January. Sure, there’s the let down after the holidays. There’s the long, dark nights. There’s the bitterly cold, grey days. But there’s more than that. There’s a lot of loss.

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I have friends who are dealing with very serious health issues…either of their own or members of their immediate family. I get prayer requests daily…from multiple people. Disasters, accidents, illness, death. Add this on top of the usual slump of January and it can send you down in a spiral in a hurry.

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I was reminded of this beautiful verse the other day. I wish I would have had it written down so I could have carried it with me in those first long dark winter months without Mr. Virgo. I know it would have helped. As with all things, it has come to me now…when it means the most. When I need it the most. When I need to share it. God always provides.

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My mom died after a brief illness of five days in January 2014. My cousin’s husband a year later at 50. My sweet Uncle Bob the next January. January is just not a good month…for me and for a lot of other people.

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I bought a new computer the other day. When I was setting it up this week, I noticed a bunch of photos had come down out of the cloud. I hadn’t seen them in a long time, since my computer has been on the fritz for a while. I was scrolling through when my screen was filled with…Mr. Virgo…in his casket. A friend took the picture for me. At first, I thought it was macabre. Then I realized I needed to have that. For a long time it was the only thing that would allow me to cry. I needed to get that out. But somewhere along the line, the pictures from the funeral home made their way up into the cloud and I didn’t see them again. Till this week. It was like getting sucker punched when that popped up, filling my screen with a vision so painful you can feel it in your bones.

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Yes, a lot of people are struggling. Debbie’s husband Toby is in the hospital. Sue’s friend had a biopsy today. Lynn’s family is struggling. Diane lost both her parents and her father-in-law in Januarys along the way and her best friend just lost his dad. The world seems to be reeling under forces whipping it into a frenzy. So, again…I am reminded of this verse.

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God will not break a bent reed. He will not snuff out a smoldering flame. When you are at your weakest point, God is still strong. The same God that gave his Son. The same God that walked on water and rose the dead and healed blind men. The same God that breathed life into this world lives today. And He knocks. And He waits. He is a patient, polite God. He will not impose himself. He will not barge in on you. He waits for you to open the door. Opening that door is what has made it possible for me to keep breathing, to keep walking forward through every storm…through every season. I was only bent. ❤️

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“A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out…”\n‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭42:3‬ ‭NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-11T02:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/11/the-bent-reed.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/07/epiphany.html", "title": "Epiphany", "content_html": "\"“Epiphany”\n

Epiphany

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Epiphany; noun: plural noun: epiphanies

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A) the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi (Matthew 2:1–12).

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B) the festival commemorating the Epiphany on January 6.

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C) a manifestation of a divine or supernatural being.

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D) a moment of sudden revelation or insight.

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Yesterday was Epiphany. Traditionally, it marks the end of the Christmas Season. The day the Three Wise Men visited the baby Jesus and bestowed their gifts to Him.

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Epiphany also means a sudden revelation, insight, and/or appearance of a supernatural being. Eighteen years ago, I experienced epiphany on many, many levels. I was seven years into a devastating depression…one I could see no way out of. I was over prescribed medications by a medical community that my husband at the time belonged to. I was a doctor’s wife. I had WAY too ready access to medications I had no business being on because a referral pattern is a terrible thing to waste. Doctors hate to take care of other doctor’s family. It puts a lot of pressure on them to go above and beyond…to be exemplary…to have a positive outcome, no matter what. Unfortunately for me, that meant seven years of medications that made me a zombie. Add a psychiatrist who told me at every visit, that this was just the way I was…I would need to take these medicines every day for the rest of my life…that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain. I lost my 40’s…literally. My marriage was irreparably damaged. December of 1999 found me struggling. My 20th Anniversary came and my husband told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I was devastated. I couldn’t see how I could possibly live without him. I circled the drain and on January 6, 2000…I overdosed on two full bottles of pills and I very easily could have died.

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As they worked on me in the emergency room…these doctors and nurses with whom my husband and I socialized…I “faded”. My vision became a tunnel. My hearing damped down till it sounded like I had tin cans over my ears. I didn’t see a great white light like some talk about when they have a near-death experience. I’ve drawn it here, as close as I can. It was this incredibly beautiful disc of cobalt blue with golden rays of light radiating from it all around like an eclipse. It was ethereal and sparkly and incredibly peaceful.

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As I stood in this immense ocean of blue light, my hearing left me and there was no sound. Dead air. Nothing. And suddenly, my grandma’s voice cut through the silence and straight into my left ear, as if she were standing beside me and bent down to speak directly to me. She shouted at me!

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“Young lady…you get back down there right now! You have work to do!!!”

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Immediately, my eyes flew open wide and I was in the ER, lying on a gurney, the overhead light shining in my eyes. I squinted at the glare and the sudden rush of noise. I rolled up on my side and threw up violently. After a while, I turned on my back. A nurse was leaning over me…a look of sincere concern on her face. I burst into tears when I realized what had happened. I kept crying, “I’m so ashamed, I’m so ashamed, I’m so ashamed.” She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close to her and whispered in my ear, “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve been sick. You’re going to be ok.”

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I was at the bottom of the barrel in that moment and I had to begin a very long climb back. It took a great deal of intense therapy to convince me the other doctor was wrong and I really didn’t have a chemical imbalance in my brain. It took a full three years to wean off the medications he had me on. My marriage was over. I nearly lost my relationship with my kids. It took a huge amount of work, strength, and determination to rebuild my life.

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I think that experience actually gave me tools to help me cope with losing Mr. Virgo years later. I survived that horrible ordeal. I surely could survive this one. I’ll survive the next. It’s fitting that the overdose occurred on Epiphany. The symbolic ending. The supernatural appearance of my grandma’s disembodied voice…nine months after her death. The moment of sudden revelation and insight that I had gone as far away from where God wanted me to be as I could possibly go.

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I look back on those years with a sadness that I lost so much. I look back on that night with the absolute conviction that God sent the one person I would listen to…my grandma. I believe with all my heart that God saved me that night because He wasn’t done with me. He still had work for me to do. And, I also believe I could not have done any of this work if I had never had those seven years of walking through hell…if I had never had that devastating overdose…if I had not nearly lost everything.

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Those of you who have been following me for a long time have probably heard this story before because I consider January 6th my “Re-Birth Day” in a literal sense. My second chance. My do-over. And for those of you new enough that you haven’t heard it yet, it might give you a sense of where I’ve been, even before the devastating loss of Mr. Virgo. We all have struggles in life. And, so far, I’ve survived all of them 100% of the time. For a long time, I was embarrassed by this story. Depression. Anxiety. Drugs. Dysfunction. Once I became a Christian, I realized God can use me to help others in similar circumstances. If I shine His Light into every dark corner of my life and show that Light to you, then I am doing what He put me on this earth to do. I’m at peace with that part of my life now. It doesn’t embarrass me. I am not ashamed. I am strengthened by a God that wouldn’t let ME decide it was time to go. I am immensely grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given…a chance to rebuild broken relationships…a chance at great love, not just once, but twice. I’ve lost much…but I’ve gained so much more. ❤️

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““Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.”\n‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭60:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-07T02:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/07/epiphany.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/06/greater-is-the-one.html", "title": "Greater is the One", "content_html": "\"Earth\n

The nature of my writing has grown with the changes I have gone through on my grief journey. Early on, it was so incredibly painful to even try to put words together to express my pain. I understood for the first time how God could hear our prayers when all we can manage are groans. Once the words started, it was like releasing a torrent. My pain literally fell onto the pages and it was emotionally exhausting…for me, and for you as well. The release was cathartic. The more I let it go, the more my heart healed.

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Not everyone has a blog where they can release the pent up pain, anger, frustration, confusion that comes with grief. I am blessed with this venue and I don’t take any of you for granted. Your feedback and support has been so incredibly healing for me. I am blessed with family and friends who were supportive during the early months of my grief. The day Mr. Virgo died and I called my daughters, they dropped what they were doing and jumped in their cars to begin the long drive to be with me. They stayed by my side. They answered the phone for me. They made important calls. They took me everywhere I needed to go. Daughter #1 slept with me every night with her arm across my chest to protect me, to calm me, to reassure me I was not alone.

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People gathered and surrounded me with love and support and food. My daughters and I bought every funny DVD we could find and tried to find someplace to land besides terror and pain. My friends held me in silence…the same friends who dressed me for my wedding and placed the flowers all around. Here they were…nearly six years to the day…doing the only thing they could do. After we lay Mr. Virgo in the ground, we gathered at our home…my home. I went straight to the humidor and got the expensive cigar he was saving for golf in the summer. I grabbed the bottle of Courvoisier I had used for Mr. Virgo’s favorite fruitcake. And I gathered the men…and my younger daughter. She was particularly close to her stepdad. We went to the front porch and smoked the cigar, and passed the bottle around till it was gone. We told manly stories of golf and travel, hotels and restaurants…all things Mr. Virgo.

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After everyone left, the family gathered me up and took me to a restaurant to entice me to eat. I hadn’t had much of anything but coffee for days. It was the day before St. Patrick’s Day…a fine day to be buried, Mr. Virgo would have said. My daughters needed to get back to Denver. Daughter #1 offered to stay longer if I needed her. And while I did…desperately…I said no. I knew she needed to get back to her own family…her own life. And so, just like that, they were gone. And the house became quiet.

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I stayed home alone for a week. I had paperwork to do and some things to wrap up at work. I packed a bag, stopped my mail, and headed to Denver to be near the kids. My son-in-law’s parents kept me at their home. I don’t remember the first week I was there…except that I didn’t get dressed for a week and only occasionally ventured out of the room for a little food. I slept much of the time. Finally, I started to join the land of the living again.

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Slowly…ever so slowly…I moved forward. Days became weeks and week, months. The firsts started…my first birthday without him, his birthday, the holidays. Our wedding anniversary was just three weeks after he died. People called to see how I was doing. They sent cards and texts and checked in with me on Facebook. One of my daughter’s friends from high school contacted me every week for the first year. And eventually…they all moved on. It was inevitable. They can’t stay forever. They can’t stop their lives forever.

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At first, I was really put out. I still needed to vent. I still needed to cry. I needed to tell every story, a hundred times. I needed so much. I needed more than they could ever give. I have to say, I never felt completely abandoned. I am blessed to have the most fabulous people in my life who would listen to me even today if I called and cried. However…I did feel “like a burden”, as one of my readers put it. I didn’t want to unload on them all the time. Somehow, I managed to reach that tipping point where I realized I needed to start managing this pain on my own. That was a really lonely stretch. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t have to sit in that “waiting room” (as my friend Christina Rasmussen calls it in her book, Second Firsts) forever, but I had no idea how long I’d be in this social limbo. I wanted to stay alone forever AND I wanted to be with people. I wanted to be invited out AND I wanted to never talk to another soul. I wanted to feel normal AND I didn’t want to feel anything. Oh….grief is crazy making.

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I had to have something to hang onto…something, someONE, who would anchor me and keep me from flying off the face of the earth. Even though I had been a Christian for seven years, I only attended church sporadically. One Sunday morning, many months after Mr. Virgo died, I decided I needed to talk to someone who never tired of hearing my cries. Someone who would give and give and give…no matter how much I needed. Who would love me no matter how messy or messed up I got. I went back to church…and I’ve been going ever since.

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As much as people want to help…they are people. They are fallible. They can say the wrong things. They can feel overwhelmed by your pain. They can burn out from your grief. But God? God never gets tired of hearing from you. God never gets tired of comforting you. He never gets tired of holding you close. Greater is the one who lives within me than the one who lives in the world. God is the one…the only one who will always, always love you. Even when you cry that horrible snot-slinging cry that no one needs to see. Even when you are so anxious you stay up puking all night. Even when your life seems not worth living. The only way you can lose is to give up. Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. Because joy comes again. It sneaks in the cracks of your broken heart when you least expect it. Not all at once…just a little tiny bit at a time. But it comes, dear one. Hang on…it comes. ❤️

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“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”\n‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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#God, #Love, #Light

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-06T02:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/06/greater-is-the-one.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/05/deep-freeze.html", "title": "Deep Freeze", "content_html": "

\"Winter Winter Dawn by Ginny McKinney

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As most of the country settles in for a rough ride on the Snowball Express, I am sitting here snug as a bug in a rug at Mr. FixIt’s house. I’ve taken to listening to praise music as I write my posts. I’ve changed things up and started writing during the day instead of late at night. I thought it might give me a different perspective and add a new dimension to the blog. The praise music not only keeps my heart in the right place, it inspires me to write about a scripture instead of the other way around. All this time I have written my post then I’d go look for an appropriate scripture that illustrated what my thinking was. That’s a much more time consuming process.

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I downloaded an app on my phone called Moment. It tracks my screen time and frankly, I was appalled when I saw how much time I spend staring at a screen. Granted, it’s not all mindless surfing or game playing. A good portion of it is spent writing these posts. Now, that in itself is not a bad thing by any means. It’s just that…I have this really sweet guy that would probably enjoy a little more attention and a little less screen time. So, I’m trying a few new things…new tactics to shave a little time off the screen and a little more looking into those baby blues that look so adoringly into mine. Win-Win, right?

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Another thing I’m going to try is, at least on occasion, including my drawings as the cover photo for my posts. This gives me the opportunity to practice…not only the drawings themselves, but the opportunity to be bold in sharing them. We all need opportunities to be bold.

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So, here I sit…snuggled on the sofa under that beautiful blue fox fur blanket. A fresh latte. Kari Jobe. A fire. Snow softly falling. My tree will remain to bring me light and peace well into the new year. I have the promise of a meteor shower and a blue moon to look forward to this month. The year is fresh with hope and promise. And I have this really cool Apple Pencil and Procreate…the world is at my fingertips! My heart is full, even in the depths of this bitter cold. Stay warm, my friends. ❤️

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“Out of the south cometh the whirlwind: and cold out of the north.”\n‭‭Job‬ ‭37:9‬ ‭KJV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-05T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/05/deep-freeze.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/04/on-being-brave.html", "title": "On Being Brave", "content_html": "\"Drawing\n

I step out…WAY out of my comfort zone here sometimes. I believe in pushing boundaries in order to grow. It has made me a stronger, more well-rounded person to stretch since Mr. Virgo died.

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I’ve always been creative. I can draw and paint landscapes, flowers, houses and do a pretty fair rendition. But people and animals…faces…elude me. I never get the proportion right. I’m heavy handed. There is no “life” in them.

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When my iPad died at the beginning of the year and I bought a new one, there was this white pencil lying next to it. I asked the salesman what it was and he told me it was a new tool to draw with. He showed me a program called Procreate and he could turn the pencil into a paintbrush loaded with oils or a big, fat pastel or a fine technical pencil. Anything…this thing can be anything! It was magic to me and I HAD to have it. Have it, I did. I knew I wouldn’t have time to really use it until the long dark nights of winter so I’ve been anxiously waiting to play with it.

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I have no idea why on earth I would start with a face. I did a study on eyes. I did a quick sketch that vaguely resembled Mr. FixIt. Then I put on my headphones, turned on the Kari Jobe station on Amazon Music and closed my eyes. I thought of Jesus as I listened to the praise music and pictured His face. Then I started to draw. I tried to “get out of the way” and let my hand draw what I saw in my mind. I enjoyed watching it take shape. It’s amateurish, to say the least. And (here’s where I’m stepping out of my comfort zone) I’m sharing it with you here.

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I’m much better at painting a picture with words. I’m much better at making a quilt or stitching a sampler or knitting a pair of socks. I’m much better at making jewelry out of old silverware or antique maps. A long time ago, I tried my hand at writing and I listened to the wrong people. They told me my writing wasn’t publishable. That it really wasn’t good. And I believed that, so I stopped trying. This drawing of Jesus may not be very good…but nothing anyone ever says to me will ever make me stop trying again. No matter what it is I’m trying to do.

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It doesn’t matter what the end product looks like. It doesn’t matter if a piece of art is gallery worthy. It doesn’t matter if you can’t carry a tune in a washtub. It doesn’t matter if your words aren’t Pulitzer Prize material. What matters is one thing…does it give you joy? If it does…do that! Don’t worry about what others might think. Don’t worry about being judged. Just do what brings you joy!

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I’ll keep drawing. Who knows? My writing has improved over the years. Maybe the drawing will, too. But honestly? It’s a form of meditation for me…no matter how it looks. Be brave and stretch! ❤️

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““Now get up, Ezra. Take charge—we’re behind you. Don’t back down.””\n‭‭Ezra‬ ‭10:4‬ ‭MSG‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-04T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/04/on-being-brave.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence","Writing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/03/surviving-the-climb.html", "title": "Surviving the Climb", "content_html": "\"Survive\n

Occasionally I get a comment on my blog from someone so fresh on this grief journey that they are lost. They don’t know where to turn or what to do next. They are obviously in a great deal of pain and my heart breaks for them because…I know. I’ve been there. Many of us have. I respond to every single comment on my blog. Most often it’s with a ❤️, just to let you know I have seen your comment. Occasionally, I write something back. On this particular occasion, I wrote a whole essay as my response. After giving it some thought, I decided it was time again to revisit “How do you survive this?”

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My reader lost her husband unexpectedly in early November. He was minding his own business, driving to work, when he was struck head-on by an impaired driver and was killed. Her world was shattered. The future she had planned with her husband was gone. To add insult to injury, her husband’s death was followed in rapid succession by Thanksgiving, his birthday, an important graduation, Christmas, and New Years. All without him. Her question? How do you cope with this?

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Here is my response:

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First, let me tell you my heart is with you, dear one. You are SO fresh on this journey and it’s so difficult. Having all those firsts, one after another when the ink is hardly dry must be unbearable. I can’t tell you how to grieve because it’s such a personal thing. I can tell you how I dealt with things and hopefully it will help you as well. If you haven’t yet, do go to Marshmallow Ranch on Facebook and see if you can scroll back to the early days of my blog. You will find much more relatable material there. I started the blog in January 2013 as a way to promote jewelry I was making. Then Mr. Virgo died in March. That’s when the blog morphed into an online grief journal. I know that’s a lot of material to sort through, but it just might help.

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At your stage of this journey, let me say this…there is no rule book. But here’s a list of ways to cope.

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  1. \n

    Don’t let anyone say you should do it this way or you shouldn’t do it that way. Do it your way.

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    2. \n
  2. \n

    You will make mistakes. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you do.

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    3. \n
  3. \n

    Be careful…extra careful with your money.

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    4. \n
  4. \n

    Get plenty of rest, eat right, and exercise as you can.

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    5. \n
  5. \n

    Avoid drugs and alcohol…they are nothing but bandaids that put off the hurt. That goes for new relationships. I know, I know. I thought that was crazy too till I got involved with someone just five months after my beloved died. I just wanted the pain to go away but when I pulled that bandage off, dear God…it was worse.

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    6. \n
  6. \n

    Feel your feelings. Cry when you need to. Laugh when you can.

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    7. \n
  7. \n

    There’s an actual condition called grief brain. You can’t remember squat and it may be scary as the dickens. Don’t worry…it does get better in time. You never go back to baseline, but you do get better.

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    8. \n
  8. \n

    You won’t be in this fog forever and eventually you will feel joy. Don’t feel guilty for that.

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    9. \n
  9. \n

    I found the services of a grief counselor to be extremely helpful. I had PTSD from watching the CPR for hours so I had EMDR treatments which helped immensely.

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    10. \n
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Remember…you don’t “get over” this…you get through it. But, you will never be the same. Let me repeat that…you will never be the same. Don’t even try to find the old you. She is gone. Once a pickle, always a pickle…you don’t get to go back to being a fresh little cucumber again. Whether you become a sour or sweet pickle is largely up to you. Do NOT give up hope of finding a good life, though. You can…and you will…with determination and perseverance.

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I realized early on that he died, I did not. I owed it to his memory to live…actually LIVE the days my husband was not given. Since we were looking at campers when he died, I went out and bought one and joined Sisters on the Fly…a women’s adventure group. I also belong to Girl Campers. These are all empowering groups that helped me become brave and strong.

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One last word of caution. It’s ok to mattress surf once in a while but don’t live there. Get up every day, splash water on your face, brush your teeth, and get dressed. Make your bed. You’re not as likely to climb back in it if it’s made. Scrub your kitchen sink. A clean sink sets the tone for the day in my book. Even if you just move from the bed to the couch…you’ve moved. Keep moving. One step, two steps. Eventually you will be able to take a deep breath again. (Oh, that’s also a thing. Physiologically, grief causes you to sigh a lot which makes you try to take deep breaths and it’s difficult. You almost feel like you can’t get a deep enough breath. Unless you are passing out or have chest pain or prolonged irregular heartbeat or cold, clammy sweat, its nothing to be worried about. Always ask your healthcare professional if you are concerned about your health. However…this sensation disappears after some time.)

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Tincture of time. That’s how I dealt with the loss of my husband. Move forward…and pray, a lot. You may not feel Him there, but God is with your every step. He holds you in the palm of His hand and He weeps for your pain. Let Him wrap His feathers around you and take your rest there. Come back here anytime you need some support. You may send me private messages at any time and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Prayers for comfort and strength, dear one. This is a club we didn’t ask to join. You will learn how to perform magic like tap dancing around that husband-sized hole in your heart without falling in…every…damn…time.

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Grief comes in waves. At first it knocks you down. Eventually you learn to expect the waves and you can lean in and keep your footing without drowning. It’s almost five years since my loss and I have built a new life. I have expanded my social circle and have learned many new skills. And…much to my amazement…I have found love again and it is so sweet and rich. Mostly because now I have a thorough understanding of just what I lost and how incredibly precious life and love are.

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We all know someone who suffers a loss. We don’t always know how to help or what to say. May I suggest bookmarking this page and share it when appropriate? Share it with everyone you know because someone knows someone who is hurting. Let’s make this the year we reach out to widows and widowers and offer them whatever comfort and support we can. ❤️

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“Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”\n‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭13:16‬ ‭ESV

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-03T02:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/03/surviving-the-climb.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/01/out-with-the-oldin-with.html", "title": "Out With the Old...In With the New!!!", "content_html": "\"Happy\n

I love when the calendar turns to a new year. The slate is wiped clean and you can start fresh…a great big do over. Never was this more impactful to me personally than January 1, 2014. It was the first New Year’s Day after losing Mr. Virgo. Somehow, I had it in my head that if I could just say “My husband died last year” it would somehow make the loss easier. It didn’t. Not by a long shot.

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I had, in my crazed grief-stricken brain, thought it would be a good idea to start dating someone…just five months after my sweet husband died. Holy Mother of God…what was I thinking??? In my defense…I wasn’t thinking. That first year…well, really the first two years…I wasn’t sane. Not in a conventional definition of the word anyway. I did some things right, but my thinking was just off. My decision making skills were lacking. Thank God time and lots of prayer and introspection have brought me to this new place…this new life.

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Now when I look at the New Year, I contemplate where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and formulate new goals. I don’t make resolutions. I’ve never kept a resolution in my life. But I do come up with a focus word. The word for 2017 was “Reach”. I think I lived up to that. I launched a new website. I spoke to several groups. I was interviewed on several podcasts and publications. I had a branded series developed for me called “Getting Bolder” on the Sisters on the Fly website. I continued to write an essay every day here. I traveled to Florida twice, the Outer Banks, Tennessee, and Colorado. I camped and/or had outings with the Girl Campers and Sisters on the Fly several times. I continued working on my social media platform to improve my chances of selling this book I’ve got basically written. And…I introduced you to Mr. FixIt. It’s been a really big year and I reached about as far as I could!

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So, now I need a new word for the new year. There are so many things I want to practice in the coming year. Patience. I am not a patient person. Compassion. I try, but I am not always successful practicing compassion with people who try my patience. Love. I want to feel my Heavenly Father’s love and involvement in everything I do so that I might feel that same love toward everyone…including those to whom I want to show compassion because they have tried my patience. You see where I’m going with this? You might think I’m going to choose the word “Patience” to meditate on this year, but you’d be wrong. I learned a long time ago not to pray for patience because when I do, God gives me every single little opportunity to practice it and I just don’t have it in me to be that challenged anymore. No, I have a different word in mind.

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My choice? Presence.

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If I am present in all I do, I am here to show up and do what is needed. If I am present…I feel God’s love. If I am present…I can actively choose to love others as Jesus loves me. If I feel God’s love, and actively choose to love others the way Jesus loves me, in every interaction I have…everything gets better. My relationships with family and friends are bound to improve. My interactions with others…even complete strangers…can only improve when I exemplify the kind of love Jesus has for me.

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How do you remain present in today’s hectic world? To achieve the kind of presence I am looking for, I need to start every day with a connection to the Source. I need to reach for His Word first…before Facebook. Before the news and weather. Even before Mr. FixIt. It doesn’t take much. Five minutes. Five minutes first thing every morning, before anything else, I will seek His face and feel His love for me. I will invite Him to come into my day…into my world…and walk with me. It’s no different than asking any other loved one to go for a walk with me. But the benefits are undeniably higher.

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That’s my word. Presence. Feel every moment. Focus on God’s love. Bring His Love and Light into every aspect of my life. I can’t help but shine! ❤️

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“After looking at the way things are on this earth, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that’s about it. That’s the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what’s given and delighting in the work. It’s God’s gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It’s useless to brood over how long we might live.”\n‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭5:18-20‬ ‭MSG‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-01T02:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/01/out-with-the-oldin-with.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/29/doing-the-right-thing.html", "title": "Doing the Right Thing", "content_html": "\"Writing\n

I love doTerra products. I especially love their LifePak vitamins and use them, along with a cannabis ointment to control the crippling plantar-palmar psoriasis I got after Mr. Virgo died. When I purchase these vitamins, I get reward points that I can redeem for free oils or other products. I didn’t realize just how many points I had until a couple of weeks ago. So, I had a grand time ordering bunches of stuff!

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I received a notice in the mail just before Christmas that my box had arrived but it wouldn’t fit in the mailbox. I’m not sure why they didn’t deliver it to the door. We were home and could have received it, but it was during the Christmas rush so I am sure the mail carrier was overwhelmed. I went to the Post Office Tuesday and picked up my package. It was like a late Christmas gift to myself!

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Yesterday, I received three more boxes. In those boxes were three bottles of shampoo and two more Copaiba oils. I looked back at the emailed order confirmation and I had only ordered one shampoo and one Copaiba, among other things. That is when I also noticed that I didn’t receive one of the items on the original order.

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I contacted customer service via the chat app on doTerra’s website. I spoke with Jakob and explained the situation. He said he would be happy to send out the missing item right away and email me a label to ship back the duplicate items. He offered to award me 10 bonus points for my inconvenience. In the course of the conversation, I told him I could have just kept the extras but that wouldn’t have been the honest thing to do. He came back and said he appreciated customers like me and he was going to add 20 bonus points instead of 10! That is free product in my mailbox…all for being nice.

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I began this blog five years ago. I have written an essay nearly every day, covering a wide range of topics from my grief at losing Mr. Virgo to camping in the wilderness of Colorado to living on the family farm. I’ve talked about childhood memories, recipes, farm cats, and family. I’ve touched on sensitive subjects like depression, anxiety, sexual abuse, and even came close to the third rail of politics…at least in the sense of trying to get along. I’ve talked about God and my faith and the importance of being good for goodness’ sake. In all that time, I can count on one hand the times I’ve had someone post something negative to me here. Do you know how rare that is in this business? The internet lets the bars down for rudeness because our interactions are not face-to-face. This emboldens some people to bring out the ugly side of humanity.

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I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you all…every single one of you. You meet me in this space and we have mutual respect and caring. There have been times when I have considered quitting. There have been times when it has become overwhelming and I have had trouble finding my voice. There are times when I feel perhaps I have said everything there is to say. It got better when I reached the point that I could lay down the burden of my grief and I realized I didn’t have to talk, or write, about it all the time. And, every time I’ve thought of stopping, I get feedback from you. Someone says, “You were speaking to me today.” or “This spoke to my heart this morning.” That’s when I realize…I’m not done. God is still using me to deliver the hope and encouragement only He can give. I ask Him for the words. He gives them to me freely. He will tell me if it’s time to quit.

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So, I’ll be here every morning as you have your cup of coffee, or every afternoon when you take a break, or every evening when you stop and catch up with what’s been going on with everyone. I pray you find hope and joy and peace here. I hope you see the goodness in my life comes straight from God and it brings you closer to Him. Your “likes” and your “shares” and your comments bring His word to a greater and greater audience. We all spread Light and Hope and Joy when we share Him with others.

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Thank you…for being here, for listening, for loving on me. Thank you for another year’s journey. Thank you for the many, many blessings you bring me. It is an honor to be invited into your hearts and lives every day and I do not take that lightly. Thank you for letting me be…well, ME! I am richly blessed. ❤️

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“The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!"”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭50:23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-12-29T02:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/29/doing-the-right-thing.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/27/postholiday-blues-or-just-getting.html", "title": "Post-Holiday Blues or Just Getting Back to Normal?", "content_html": "\"Rain\n

Is it the “blues”? Feeling a little depressed after the holidays? Things have you out of sorts? Once the last cookie has been consumed, the last gift unwrapped, the last guest sent off…it can feel like such a let down. Add to that a total disregard for your previously fairly pristine diet and you could be in a sugar crash, gluten-induced, holiday frazzled funk.

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That’s where I found myself last night. We had dinner guests. My second cousin and his wife came over to celebrate their 36th wedding anniversary with us. I cooked all day…homemade spaghetti sauce, pasta, and apple dumplings for desert. I have been so super cautious for the last two years and have stayed away from gluten. I find I have more energy, my mood is stable, and my gut is much happier when I keep wheat and sugar out of my diet. Then…Christmas happened. A “just this once” became “that went ok, this won’t hurt” and before I knew it…I was OD-ing on a regular basis with bread, cookies, pie, cake. I knew I was playing with fire, but I couldn’t help myself.

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I’ve been craving spaghetti all month. The brownies didn’t kill me. The cookies didn’t present too much of an issue. How bad could spaghetti be? Ohhhh, I found out. Spaghetti is about as densely concentrated a source of gluten as you can get and my body finally stood its ground and said , “What the heck do you think you’re doing, lady?! Are you crazy???” My company hadn’t even left before I really began to feel ill…and blue.

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It felt like the blues of grief. And, that could be part of it, I’m sure. With the holidays come waves of grief. But I knew I had been pushing the envelope with my wheat and sugar consumption so I did some research. It turns out, according to a study reported in Psychology Today, gluten, wheat, and corn syrup solids can cause anxiety and depression in people with non-celiac gluten sensitivity. Bingo!

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When the holidays settle down, we actually return to our normal state and that can feel like the blues. We often feel the same sort of thing when we return to real life from a fabulous vacation. Add gluten sensitivity to the mix and it’s a sure recipe for feeling yucky. It’s time to start back on my clean and green diet again. I’ve never felt…or looked…better than I do when I’m eating right, exercising, drinking plenty of water, and getting enough rest. It’s more than a New Year’s Resolution. It’s a prescription for leading my best life and enjoying it. ❤️

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“For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭32:4-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-12-27T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/27/postholiday-blues-or-just-getting.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Grace","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/25/merry-christmas.html", "title": "Merry Christmas", "content_html": "\"\"\n

Wishing you Peace and Love…today and always!

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Love, Ginny

\n", "date_published": "2017-12-25T02:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/25/merry-christmas.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/21/messages-from-beyond.html", "title": "Messages From Beyond", "content_html": "\"Misty\n

I first met Sheba Wheeler at a holiday dinner at The Warwick Hotel in downtown Denver. Mr. Virgo was the Food & Beverage Director and had invited me to come down to the restaurant so we could at least see each other that day. Seating was limited so singles were being asked to buddy up at tables. I always enjoy family style seating as I get the opportunity to meet interesting people.

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Sheba and I hit it off from the get go. She was also a writer, working for the Denver Post. She’s a superb photographer and we enjoyed an evening of lively conversation. There was something about Sheba that drew me to her. She seemed exotic and mysterious and as comfortable as an old quilt. She had really great energy and I felt she was special…as in, she had “gifts”.

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I’ve kept in touch with Sheba all these years and have watched her open up to accepting the gifts she has. She’s had many life changes…a new relationship, a couple flooding disasters that forced her out of her home, the loss of a job she loved. But with every door that closed, another opened.

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Sheba grew up in the church and her faith was instilled in her at an early age by her family. At the same time, she knew she was different. She “saw things”, “felt things”, “heard things”. It turns out, she learned long after her death that her mama had “the gift” too. It happened after she moved in the new house

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It wasn’t till she moved into a new home that Sheba got a real taste of what was to come. There was a spirit there. A Victorian woman named Theresa. She “visited” her. Sheba saw her clearly…heard her voice…felt her presence. She called in an investigator who helped her communicate. The investigator became her mentor and told her about her abilities as a medium. Sheba fought it for months till she finally embraced her gift. And once that door was opened, she became quickly overwhelmed with the sudden onslaught of spirits clamoring for her attention.

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Now, I know what some of you are thinking. “Oh, that’s impossible.” “It’s heresy…evil…black magic.” “It’s demonic.” “It’s not Christian!” Listen, I’m here to tell you…I am a Christian. I love my God and have put my faith in Jesus. AND…there are unexplainable mysteries in life. The first time I saw my grandpa in the garden, leaning on his hoe, wiping his brow and waving…a full two years after he died…I was stunned. My grandma had told me long before that if I ever smelled roses around someone and there were no roses there, it meant someone was going to die. That has literally happened to me. When my aunt learned that these things had happened to me, she taught me to look at the time when I had “feelings” so I could look back later in comparison.

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I believe Sheba when she says spirits visit her. I have no reason to believe she is mentally ill. I do not believe she is evil. Yet she is attacked weekly by people…mean people…over what many call “the gift”. In 1 Corinthians, Chapter 12, Verse 10 speaks of the Holy Spirit gifting certain people with the ability to “discern spirits”. I believe that’s what Sheba does…she discerns spirits around her.

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I hadn’t had a chance to chat with Sheba in a long time and she kept popping into my head. I’ve learned to follow through when that happens, so I texted her. We chatted a while. I told her I had been following her posts about her gift. She had met Mr. Virgo. I asked her if he had ever tried to contact her. She said no but she could try from her end. I didn’t hesitate in asking her to do so. She asked for his full name and some bit of information only he and I would know. I gave her his dad’s nickname for him. Now, remember…this is via text. She told me she had never tried this avenue before but she would do her best.

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I waited a few moments while she gathered her thoughts. Soon she came back…laughing. She said, “He’s here! The first thing he said was….Well, it TOOK you long enough!” You see, Mr. Virgo and I watched all the ghost hunting shows. We downloaded an app on my phone that could detect changes in the electromagnetic field. And, we promised each other that if there was any possible way to reach out and send a message from beyond, we would. I’ve felt his presence. I’ve even heard his voice on one occasion. I’ve had my cards read…not Tarot…just ordinary playing cards. I’ve been told he’s “with” me. I was even told the person was given a mental picture of the two of us, sitting in white wicker chairs on a covered front porch, drinking something out of mugs. That would describe our typical morning having coffee on the front porch. He told her to tell me those were the happiest times of his life, being out there with me. But, this was different. I was asking someone to connect with him directly and let me ask questions and get answers.

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I asked if he was ok.

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“Yes.”

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Are you happy?

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“Yes, it’s all love and light here.”

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Then Sheba said, “Wait a minute. He’s really upset. I had to tell him to reel it back a little. It drains my energy too fast.”

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She was still for a few moments when she came back and said, “He says he’s sorry. He’s sorry he left you like that. He didn’t mean to.”

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“I know he didn’t. He doesn’t have to be sorry.”

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“He’s saying “Nooooooooo…I was supposed to do something!”

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Immediately, I knew what he was talking about. The doctor had told him five months before he died that he needed a complete cardiac workup. He refused. I think he was saying he should have had the tests done then this wouldn’t have happened. He knew I had forgiven that. But he couldn’t forgive himself.

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“You need to talk to him, Ginny!” Sheba said. “You need to tell him he needs to forgive himself…that you’re ok…that everything is as it should be, as it was meant to be.”

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Sheba had to get to a meeting and we rang off. I thanked her, and told her I didn’t feel this was a “dark” thing. Then I sat back and talked out loud to Mr. Virgo.

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“Honey, listen…I know you didn’t mean to leave me. I know you had a strong work ethic and you didn’t think you could take time off during the ski season. And, I know it must be upsetting to know you might have avoided this…for a while. You have to forgive yourself. Let this go. It is what it is. It was hard. It still is, sometimes. But I’m doing well. I’m happy, I’m healthy, the family is great, and I have this wonderful man that loves me like you did. Just let it go now, ok?”

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Then something extraordinary happened. You know how it feels when you’ve had a pain for a long time and you resign yourself to it and it just seems like it’s normal to feel pain? Then when that pain goes away, it becomes apparent you didn’t realize how MUCH pain you had been in? Well, when I finished saying what I had to say to Mr. Virgo, I felt as though a huge ball of static electricity suddenly released itself in front of my chest. I hadn’t even realized I’d been feeling that till it suddenly released. I texted Sheba back later and told her and we were both amazed.

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I know it may seem far-fetched. Science fiction. Voodoo. Occult. But this is not at all what I feel…nor is it what I believe. I believe the ways of God are mysterious. So far, there haven’t been any documentaries made with empirical evidence, no footage, no recordings, of what happens when we cross over. I am a Christian, and I am a scientist. I believe in mysteries. And, if this mystery brings me comfort, there is nothing wrong with that. I know it may not be what you believe, but it seemed pretty real to me so I thought I would share. And some day…some glad day…we will know. ❤️

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“Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.”\n‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭12:7-11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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*Note: There have been a few edits as Sheba clarified the details with me

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\n", "date_published": "2017-12-21T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/21/messages-from-beyond.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Growth","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/19/the-modem-of-the-mind.html", "title": "The Modem of the Mind", "content_html": "\"\"\n

I really love living out in the country. It’s peaceful. There’s lots of wildlife. It’s a slower life. I like life slow. I don’t like slow internet, however. Being a writer is a beautiful thing…until I’m standing with my cell phone over my head waving it around like a dead chicken, trying to get just…one…more…bar. It can be maddening.

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Many of the images I use in my posts are really large…especially since I got my new iPhone. Great camera equals great pictures. Great pictures equals larger file size. That presents two problems. One, Wordpress only accepts files up to a certain size. Two, internet in the country is powered by two squirrels and a possum! It sometimes takes multiple attempts to get a photo or meme down to an acceptable size. That takes time and patience.

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I went to the only office supply store in our little corner of the world and asked what I could do to make our internet work at the far end of the house where I write. We tried a booster. That didn’t work. We tried a repeater. That didn’t work either. Finally, I got the manager and he gave me a lesson in how WiFi works.

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WiFi, it turns out, is pretty much like your water system. If you have one faucet in your house, every last bit of water pressure is going to send that water out like Old Faithful. However, if you have every faucet in the house turned on, the dishwasher running, a couple of showers, and someone flushes? You’ll be lucky to get a dribble. When we first got WiFi in our houses, we had a desktop computer, and maybe a laptop. Now we have, in this house alone, two iPhones, an iPad, Alexa, a laptop, two computers and a smart TV. It isn’t any wonder we can’t get everything to run well.

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As I was driving home from the store after that enlightening conversation, I thought about how my faith journey can be so much like that WiFi. When it’s just me and God, the signal is loud and clear. I feel His presence. I hear His Holy Spirit in my heart. I connect. But when I start plugging in device after device, my connection gets spotty. I start dropping calls. It is not good to keep God on hold. When I have too many “devices” plugged in, like we all do at the holidays, something has to go. And the first thing that went was my health. I caught a cold. I haven’t had a full fledged cold in a really long time. I mean a knock-you-down-and-drag-your-sorry-butt-to-bed kind of cold. This is that kind of cold, darn it.

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The good news is, colds are finite. You’re miserable for a few days and it gets better. I’ll be fine by Christmas. But, it IS a reminder to unplug some of those “devices” and spend some one-on-one time with God so my signal is clearer. ❤️

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“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”\n‭‭Revelation‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-12-19T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/19/the-modem-of-the-mind.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/10/its-that-time-of-year.html", "title": "It’s That Time of Year", "content_html": "\"Snowy\n

I visit this topic every year. There’s always a big hullaballoo every year about what to say when greeting others around the holidays. It seems like there are just WAY too many perceived offenses surrounding this subject. There are those offended by “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings”. There are some who are not necessarily offended by “Merry Christmas” but who wish to be more inclusive. Sometimes the debate gets heated and we forget what the whole thing is all about in the first place. Love. The kind of love that transcends all other love.

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While I was not born Jewish, I lived as a Jew for 27 years. I became Jewish for a number of reasons, but it was NOT to convert because of a marriage. I married a Jewish man, but I considered myself Jewish before I met him. When he joined a medical practice in a small town on the western slope of Colorado, we were faced with a bit of a dilemma. Everything was strictly “Merry Christmas”. Which is fine. I have no problem with that. The Christmas program included Hanukkah songs, which was great. But, it was Hanukkah songs without acknowledging Hanukkah, per se. The other children in the school weren’t taught there was anything else BUT Christmas. They thought Hanukkah was the Jewish Christmas, and it isn’t. It doesn’t have anything to do with Christmas. And, being a stickler for education, I wanted the children to learn about all the winter holidays. I wanted all the children to be included and celebrated. And to do that, it couldn’t just be about ONE holiday…as if that were the only one.

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I joined an ad hoc committee on religious sensitivity in the schools. We added books about other winter festivals and holidays to the school and public libraries. We asked for the program to be called the Winter Celebration. We were met with incredible resistance. The mayor of the little town was a former priest. He took great offense at our request. To the point that he hung a banner over the Main Street of town accusing the “heathens of trying to take Christmas away from our kids”. Personally, I really loved that man. He was kind, generous, and worked very hard for our town. He got our local representative involved. It was a real mess. We met with them. We communicated. We pleaded for our children to be included. And, as time passed…they were. We weren’t trying to take anything away from other children. We were trying to expand the scope of the holidays to embrace all children.

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I don’t feel any holiday should be diluted. Every faith has its own place in this melting pot of a country. Religious freedom is what this country was founded on. I am a great proponent of inclusivity. In the years since, I have become a Christian. My faith is very important to me. But, I have a memory. And my little girl was ostracized by her peers. She was…to her face…called a “stupid effing Jew” and that is totally unacceptable.

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So, here’s my bottom line. I do not care if you say Merry Christmas. I didn’t care when I was Jewish if you said Merry Christmas to me. You were being kind and wishing me well. What’s not to love about that? I, however, will more than likely say “Happy Holidays” to you unless I know for certain that you celebrate Christmas. Because, I am not clairvoyant. Unless you are wearing a Santa suit or elf ears, I’m not going to assume who or what you are. I will respect your human-ness. With a heartfelt holiday greeting.

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I love Christmas. And, I love Hanukkah. I am not familiar with Kwanza, but I love that there is such a holiday. For me personally, I love the story of the Nativity, of the birth of the Christ Child. And, I love all of you. I hope this season is full of love, no matter what your faith…or lack thereof. This is a dark time of year, and a dark time of the world in many ways. We all need all the Love and Light we can get…and not just in December! ❤️

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“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;”\n‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:22‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-12-10T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/10/its-that-time-of-year.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/08/coming-home.html", "title": "Coming Home", "content_html": "\"American\n

I lived in England in 1973 and 1974. My first husband was in the Air Force and stationed over there. When he was transferred stateside to his next duty station, my baby and I flew to West Virginia to spend Christmas with my family. When I flew over to England, I traveled commercial. But when I came home, I flew military transport.

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There were several people from the base he was stationed at who were traveling with me. Another mother with her two little ones. Two young Airmen. We traveled for three days before I arrived…exhausted…at my mom’s house. The first day was spent driving in a small VW van to a base up north. The second day was spent waiting…waiting…waiting for a plane to be ready. Once we boarded, we sat on the tarmac for six whole hours before we took off.

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My baby was using cloth diapers, and you can well imagine, I was running out of clean ones before I got home to West Virginia. She was also drinking formula that I had to carry with me. She slept all the way across the Atlantic. I however, did not. By the time we began our final descent at Fort Dix, I was becoming really emotional. I cannot properly express how I felt when I looked out the windows of the plane and saw the American flag flying over American soil. I felt so proud…so relieved…so honored…so exhausted.

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Yesterday was Pearl Harbor Day. There are fewer and fewer people still living who were there that day or who listened to the radio broadcasts stateside. I know what I felt combing home. I can’t imagine what people who have experienced war must feel when their feel finally touch the soil of “home”. I know it’s a day late, but I would like to honor those who served…and continue to serve. Those who spend the holidays away from their loved ones so that we may enjoy the privileges we have here in this country. Thank you. God bless you and your loved one. ❤️

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“Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you."”\n‭‭Genesis‬ ‭28:15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-12-08T02:30:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/08/coming-home.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/05/he-loves-melike-that.html", "title": "He Loves Me...”Like That”", "content_html": "\"Man\n

It was December 4th, 2013. It had been 267 days since the love of my life died right in front of me. It was 267 largely sleepless nights. I had made myself put one foot in front of the other…day after miserable, lonely day…for 2-6-7 long $&@#%€* days. I was tired. I was broken. But I was trying.

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On this day, I went to work. It was normally an hour commute each way, but on this particular day, the skies opened up and snow started falling at an alarming rate. The further west I drove heading home, the deeper the snow became. When I finally pulled up in front of my house, there was nearly 18” of heavy, wet snow in my driveway. I slogged up the drive and got my snow shovel out. You know…the one with MY name on it…not Mr. Virgo’s. He was gone. Two-hundred-sixty-seven days of…gone.

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I shoveled for what seemed like hours. I was numb…physically and emotionally. I could hardly make a dent in the snow removal. I barely got my car in off the street when I gave up and went inside. I marched straight to our…MY…bedroom. I stood in front of the picture of Mr. Virgo and yelled at him. I screamed. I cried. I ranted and raved. He had a lot of nerve leaving me like this…with this house and this mess and this…LIFE! I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this. I was just so $&@# tired. I didn’t care if I lived or died, to be perfectly honest.

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That was a particularly dark and dreadful season in my life. There were a lot of people who helped me through that. I had support from those who loved me and from complete strangers in several widow’s support groups on Facebook. I’m only active in a couple of them now. I see myself there now as a symbol of hope, having survived the worst of it.

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The other day, one of the women in the group said “No one will ever love me like that again”. I couldn’t let her go on thinking that…believing that. I know early on…I couldn’t imagine loving again. If for no other reason than I was sure another loss like that would surely kill me. Then time passed, wounds scarred over, and color started to filter back into my life. I started to think…maybe I COULD do this again. I prayed a lot about it and asked God to place a worthy man right in front of me. And…He did.

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I wanted this woman to know…your heart can beat again. You can open it up. You can give and receive love. It’s been almost five years since my world fell apart. And, while this man is so different than my late husband, he loves me “like that”. I feel the same joy true love brings. I feel the same hope, warmth, trust. This one is far more passionate…partially because I’m acutely aware of what I lost and I find this so precious. Which brings me to the biggest difference. Fear. When my husband was alive and I used to have the fleeting thought…”What if he died?” I had absolutely zero understanding of what devastation that loss would bring. Now, I know exactly what that loss brought to me. I still don’t know what losing this man would be like, but I have a $&@# good idea. I try to keep the wolves at bay and live in the moment, but they’re always howling in the woods somewhere.

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God did not create in us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 is one of my go-to verses when I’m feeling weak and out of control. Mr. FixIt is having some reconstruction surgery on his hand Thursday. Even though I worked most of my career in medicine and was married to a physician for two decades, since losing Mr. Virgo,  I don’t handle medical situations very well…especially when it involves someone I love. I read 2 Timothy, and asked a friend to come join me at the hospital for coffee and a chance to catch up. I know it’s not a huge invasive surgery, but I know things can happen. This man loves me…”like that”. I will do my very best to support him in whatever comes our way because…I love him “like that”, too. ❤️

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“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”\n‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-12-05T02:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/05/he-loves-melike-that.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/03/the-rheostat.html", "title": "The Rheostat", "content_html": "\"Rheostat\"\n

When Daughter #2 was born, I had the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom. Her sister, and only sibling, turned sixteen and got her driver’s license just a few months after she was born. So, I had a lot of time on my hands to devote to the baby. I knew this would be my last child so I read all the parenting books and nurtured her learning from the get go. As a matter of fact, I placed headphones on my tummy and played Mozart and Beethoven to her in utero. Yes, I was “one of THOSE” moms.

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Daughter #2 was precocious. She could READ the alphabet at seventeen months. She knew the names of all her body parts, by their anatomical terms. She spoke complete sentences early. She was a beast! Fierce. Determined. Focused. I had flash cards on the wall by the changing table. We would talk about what it was and what it meant and how you spell it and how you pronounce it.

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Because of all this exposure to knowledge, this baby was powerfully curious. She pointed at everything and wanted to know what it was, how it worked, and what you used it for. One afternoon, I caught her staring intently at something from her high chair. I followed her gaze. She was looking at the dimmer switch. Soon she looked at me and asked “Whassat?” It was her FAVORITE question! She asked it hundreds of times a day.

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I explained to her that it was a dimmer switch, but the thing that makes it work is called a rheostat. I took her outside and showed her the electric lines coming into the house. I told her about electricity. And I told her how a rheostat slows down or speeds up the waves in the electricity and that changes the light from dim to bright to dim at will. After that, wherever we went, she demanded to know if our host or hostess had a rheostat. My friends rolled their eyes at me. “Would you let her be a kid, for crying out loud?” I should have, probably. My daughter struggled because the other kids just didn’t “get” her. She had trouble relating to kids her own age. She’s turned out fine…it just wasn’t easy for her.

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Life can be like a rheostat. We can turn up the frequency and shine light out into the world. Or we can turn it down and sit in the dark. There’s something really cool about the light, though. Darkness cannot overcome the light. Only light can overcome darkness. Keep shining your light out into the world. Keep the darkness at bay. Constantly tell the enemy he is not welcome here. Show him your light. Tell him Who you get that light from. Send him packing. Remember your rheostat when you feel down…and turn it up! ❤️

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“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.””\n‭‭John‬ ‭8:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-12-03T02:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/03/the-rheostat.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/02/more-christmas-memories.html", "title": "MORE Christmas Memories", "content_html": "\"Ceramic\n

I have been on such a nostalgia kick lately! Here’s one I know you all will remember and you probably had (still have!) one of these bad boys. My mom had one that she made in a ceramics class. As a matter of fact, I think I might have made one somewhere along the way. I seem to remember painting on the glaze that puffed up like snow and gluing the little ornaments in the holes. Wow…that’s like opening the top of your head and reaching WAY back in the memory banks!

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Mom got to the point where this was the extent of her holiday decorating. When Christmas was over, she dusted off the “tree”, put a dry cleaning bag over it, and took it back upstairs to the attic till the next year. I found it up there after she died. It’s one of the things I saved when I cleared out her house. And, unfortunately, it’s one of the only things that broke during one of my many moves over the years. It made me so sad.

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I was rummaging around in the upstairs of the cellar house the other day and ran across one of these in a box up there. I need to get it out and set it up on the dining room table. My aunt used to put it out when she lived there.

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I was wandering around the mall yesterday and was thinking of more things we used to get at Christmas. Remember those round bath oil beads? They were jewel-toned, came in about four or five scents, and often were in a tube with a plastic crook on the end to look like a candy cane. You put on in your bath and the hot water would melt the gelatin bead and the oil would come out into the water. Only, who could resist picking it up and playing with it till it completely dissolved???

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How about the Easy Bake Oven??? OMGosh! Do you remember how horrible that stuff tasted??? Yet, we ate it! There was Chatty Cathy, Betsy Wetsy, Tiny Tears. I always wanted one but never got one. I did get the bride doll that was as tall as me! And I had a Barbie. My Aunt Marge once traded eggs for a Barbie Doll dress that the neighbor made. I knew that was a big deal for her to do that and I took extra special care of that dress.

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How about the socks with the toes in them? Or games like Operation or Chutes and Ladders or Candyland. I remember getting a set of Old Maid cards once.

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One year, money must have been really tight. Mom ordered our Christmas presents from a catalog and they didn’t come in time for Christmas. So on Christmas morning, mom gave us each an envelope with the pictures of what we were going to get when the box arrived. But then, when the box did come, Dad found out Mom had charged the items so he made her send them all back. We were so disappointed and to this day, it makes my heart ache for her. She had to have felt horrible that we didn’t get a Christmas.

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We moved into the house we grew up in over Christmas break when I was in second grade. The house and furnishings were our Christmas that year. I remember my Grandmother bought me a bedroom set. It was grey, very modern. It had a twin bed and a dresser that had a drop\nFront that turned into a desk. Grandmother made curtains out of pink fabric with grey poodles on them. There was an old TV console in my bedroom and for some reason, she made a cover for that as well. I even had a black metal trash can with a poodle on it! My brothers room was decorated with a Cincinnati Reds theme. That was a grand Christmas!

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I remember when I got old enough to babysit, I would go downtown to Kresge’s and buy Mom a little bottle of Evening in Paris perfume or a chiffon scarf. She always acted as though that was the finest gift a mother could have wished for and it made me so proud. I loved wrapping the presents. As a matter of fact…when we got old enough, she would put our gifts in boxes and I’d wrap my own presents! I wrapped everyone’s presents. It took all day on a Saturday. I’d sit on the floor in front of the TV and use up all the bows and the stickers and the gift tags and have a big time. Then I’d pile everything under the tree. We didn’t have a lot. But we had enough. ❤️

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““Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”\n‭‭Exodus‬ ‭20:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-12-02T02:30:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/02/more-christmas-memories.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/29/the-shift.html", "title": "The Shift", "content_html": "\"Christmas\n

The earth shifted yesterday. Did you feel it? I did. Mr. FixIt is about halfway through his guy getaway to Florida with his buddy and I’ve been staying at his house…feeding cats, cleaning, decorating, rearranging. It’s been great fun.

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For those of you who have been following from the beginning, I downsized and got rid of ninety-five percent of my personal belongings when I sold my house in 2014. I brought those things to West Virginia that I could not part with. A friend has been so kind as to let me store them in his basement all this time. I went over a couple of weeks ago and brought a whole truckload over to Mr. FixIt’s house. The Christmas decorations were all put out so yesterday, I got into the boxes of decorator items. A pink Fenton hurricane lamp, an antique cast iron rabbit doorstop, some quilts, my raven decoy, a sign that says “Kindness Matters”…these found themselves mingled with Mr. FixIt’s memories. Looking at the finished project, they could have all been purchased together for just the same house

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I went back into the storage room and lugged the heaviest box to the kitchen. This is where I felt the shift. Do you sense what’s happening here? I’m nesting. The lines of “yours” and “mine” are blurring. Nowhere did I feel this as much as when I opened that heavy box. It was filled with china. Precious cargo that has been carted from one side of the country to the other…never seeing the light of day.

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One winter day, what seems like a lifetime ago, Mr. Virgo and I were shopping for a tablecloth. When I caught up with him, he was standing in front of a display of china. He was studying something intently so I followed his gaze. When I saw what he was looking at, I gasped out loud. Royal Doulton’s “Tennyson”. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful. And, six months later, I got eight place settings for my birthday. I sat down and cried like a little girl. I’d never had anything so…fine.

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Those dishes were packed away in 2014 when I sold my house. Yesterday…I carefully unwrapped each one, inspecting them for chips or cracks. They were perfect. I carefully hand washed and dried each piece and set them out on the dining room table in Mr. FixIt’s house. I thought about how far I have come in the nearly five years since Mr. Virgo died.

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Mr. FixIt and I still have an unconventional relationship. He has his place, I am taking care of the family farm. We stay a little here, a little there. We travel, and we stay apart a little. It works for now.

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I am so blessed that Mr. FixIt gets me. He’s an angel…tolerant of many things. And he’s thrilled to spend whatever time he can with me. The feelings are mutual. ❤️

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“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain…”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭127:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-11-29T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/29/the-shift.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/28/the-stick-tree.html", "title": "The Stick Tree", "content_html": "\"Christmas\n

You’ve all seen that spindly little Christmas tree Charlie Brown had, right? Basically a stick with some twigs branching off. As far back as I can remember, that was the tree out at the farm. My Uncle Bob was a simple man. When he was told to go cut down a pine tree for Christmas, he did just that. And being a practical man, he brought back one that was easy to carry and would not take long to decorate. He was the smartest of the bunch, turns out.

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Grandma didn’t have a lot of ornaments. I remember some of those made by Shiny Bright. There was a very old hand blown Santa that my fat baby fingers accidentally broke one year. sigh And, there was an angel that went on the top of the tree. Her dress was made of vinyl with a net skirt over it. Her upper torso, arms, and head were like a doll made of hard plastic. Her hair was spun glass. And her wings were silver pressed cardboard. Somehow, I managed to acquire that angel. I suppose because I’m the oldest grand daughter and got married first, I don’t know. But that angel has been with me forever. She is too fragile to put on top of a tree…I’m afraid the cardboard tube that slips over a branch might break. So, she gets tucked in a place of prominence on the front of the tree…up high enough to avoid any encounters with two or four-legged children.

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We always had a big, fat tree at home that my dad bought at a lot. I remember the excitement of driving around looking at Christmas lights then stopping at the lot to pick out our tree. I wore a woolen coat buttoned up to my neck, someone’s hand-me-down, I’m sure. I had a blue velvet hat that tied under my chin with blue satin ties. And, hanging on one side we’re two white balls made of real rabbit fur. I remember shaking my head back and forth to feel them bounce around. I wore that hat till it literally disintegrated. I wore rubber boots that fit over my shoes and buckles with an elastic string over a button.

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Dad would walk us up and down the aisles to choose the perfect tree…i.e. the cheapest without too many holes in it. Once the price was negotiated, an attendant would help Dad carry the tree to the Oldsmobile and strap it to the top with sisal rope. Once we got it home, there was trimming to be done before we could take it in the house. We had strings of lights with big reflectors that went on before screwing the big bulb in. This was a safety feature that kept the needles from touching the hot bulb and catching fire. And many of the ornaments hanging on my tree that I so carefully preserve were placed on those big, fat trees at the house on 55th Street.

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I remember feeling so sorry for Grandma and her skinny little Charlie Brown tree. Now I look back and appreciate the simplicity with a fervor. I use an artificial tree now. The first one I’ve had since Mr. Virgo died. I opted for a slender one. I thought I’d be putting it in front of the window at the farm. Instead, it’s over here at Mr. FixIt’s. I never would have dreamed. This is the fifth Christmas without Mr. Virgo. To have found this new love and new joy and renewed zest for life is something I am profoundly grateful for.

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It’s the simple things I crave now. Things held by loved ones long gone. Gentle, loving companionship. Soft music. A warm fire. Good food. And a loving God that made all this possible for me. I am richly blessed. ❤️

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“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”\n‭‭Romans‬ ‭15:13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-11-28T02:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/28/the-stick-tree.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/25/its-small-business-saturday.html", "title": "It’s Small Business Saturday", "content_html": "\"Shop\n

I avoid Black Friday like the plague. There is nothing in this whole wide world I…or anyone I know…need bad enough to risk life and limb for. I know there are great deals. I know the color glossies and TV commercials have been pumping everyone with the next great thing they can’t live without. I’m fortunate in that my kids were raised Jewish. They got a little present every night, then one big one on the last night of Hanukkah. They also had Santa but there was only one really extravagant year that I can remember. My kids and grandkids are frugal. They would much rather have money and go shopping at the after Christmas sales. More bang for their buck!

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I have everything I need. I buy myself a plane ticket every year and go see my Colorado family. I don’t want anything I have to take care of or dust. This year, Mr. FixIt and I have decided instead of getting each other presents for Christmas, we’re going to carpet the family room. We’ll get much more enjoyment out of that than any appliance or sweater. And, it’s the gift that keeps on giving! I encourage you to shop small, hometown, mom & pop businesses this year. Big box stores may have better deals on cheaper goods…but they don’t have the vested interest in you personally that a small business owner has. I’ve owned my own business before…I know. This month makes or breaks a small business. Do your best to keep your money local.

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I have a funeral to go to today. Sis Strickling passed away. That’s not her first name, nor is this her last name…my family always just called her Sis “Stricklin’”. She was born and raised on the country road a couple miles from the farm. Always sweet and with a smile on her face, my favorite memories of her were at the little one room church house where Grandma went. Sometimes she would come over to the farm for a visit while I was there. She kept her house neat and tidy. After her husband passed away, she went to Ohio to be with her kids. Her memory went at the end and I know it was so hard for her family. I praise God that he gives us an eternal home with no pain, no tears, and no illness. I know her husband and loved ones who went before her met her with open arms.

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It took the longest time for me to be able to go to a funeral after Mr. Virgo died. I wasn’t sure I would ever go to another one, but surprisingly…it’s BECAUSE he died that I can go easily now. If I begin to get anxious, I remind myself I am doing this for the loved ones. This has nothing to do with me…it’s all about them. I was so touched by everyone who came to my husband’s funeral. Their presence meant more to me than they will ever know. I remember so few individuals, but I do remember a sea of faces and that equates to a boatload of love. That love helped me through, so that’s why I go to funerals now.

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Mr. FixIt and I put up the Christmas tree last night. It’s our first one together. Blending traditions gave us ample opportunities to discuss and compromise. He wanted the tree in the dining room where you could see it from the road. I wanted it in the family room where WE could see it. We compromised by moving furniture around so we could put the tree in front of the picture window in the family room. This way we can see it from the side road coming in AND while we’re sitting in the family room. I’ll put lights in the dining room window so he can see it from the big road. Even through the top branches of the tree were pretty tippy, the mechanical angel HAD to go on top. I managed to wedge the branches around enough to support her and she is beautiful. Melding…it’s what you do when you keep adding to your family. At this point, if we got everyone I’m related to through marriages together, that would be one huge family portrait. I am so, so blessed to add so many branches to my family tree. ❤️

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“May the Lord our God be with us as he was with our ancestors; may he never leave us nor forsake us.”\n‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭8:57‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-11-25T02:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/25/its-small-business-saturday.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/21/my-accidental-love.html", "title": "My Accidental Love", "content_html": "\"Old\n

Old Mama Kitty is gone. I haven’t seen her in six days. She’s always at the back door, right at supper time. There were a couple of times this summer when she was gone for a day or two, but never six. She’s old. I know that. Just this fall, she seemed to be telling me she was tired. She has one leg that trembles sometimes…and not necessarily because of a chill in the air.

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Being a farm cat, Mama is tough. She doesn’t take any guff from the younger boy cats. If they get too close to her feeding dish, she has no problem swatting them away…claws and fangs bared. They give her a wide berth on the front porch, arcing around her, well out of kitty reach with sly glances from the corner of their eyes. She has probably been to the vet once in her life and that was when she was spayed. She’s never been sick that I know of. She will act like she wants you to pet her, then she swats you if you linger too long. She’s one tough kitty.

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I thought we’d lost her back in 2014 when I first came to the farm. I walked down to the road to get the mail and coming back, there…by the end of the driveway…was a yellow cat that had been hit by a car. I came up to the house to get my work gloves and a shovel. My aunt was still living on the farm at the time. I went to her and told her I was sorry, but Old Mama Kitty was hit by a car and was gone. I went back down and picked up the cat to take it up by the barn to bury it when…I saw the evidence. This was definitely NOT Old Mama Kitty. This was a boy! I wish I would have had the wherewithal to check that out before I told my aunt.

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I had only had one cat in my life before coming to the farm. Ginger was yellow with deep gold stripes. I didn’t seem to be allergic to her as a teenager but the older I got, the more indoor cats bothered me. Ginger went to another home when I moved to England after I was married. Mom hadn’t wanted a cat in the first place. She just tolerated her for me.

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I’ve always been more of a dog person. Dogs are easy to understand. Feed them. Throw the ball. Scratch the good places. Go for walks. They will worship the ground you walk on. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. You are extra special if a cat loves you. It means you’ve met the criteria.

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The problem with pets is, unless you own a large bird or a turtle, they are going to die before you. And every time a pet dies, they take more of your heart away. I’ve had to put four dogs down in my lifetime. It kills me.

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I don’t want to think of Mama Kitty as “gone”. But, this is what happens with farm animals sometimes. They seem to know when it is their time, I think. I feel a little guilty though. I’ve been away a lot the last couple of weeks helping Mr. FixIt clean and paint his house. I was at the farm every day to feed the cats and spend time with them. Then, six days ago, she just wasn’t there. I called and called and called. It’s sad because I really came to love her. She’s been around forever. She was my Uncle Bob’s cat. He died in 2005. It’s like losing a family member. I know there is still a slim chance she could come back, but I really think it’s time to let her go.

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Pope John Paul II stated that animals have souls and are important beings in God’s creation. And, since souls can go to heaven, it isn’t a stretch to picture our pets running and jumping on us when we get there. I hope to see all my fur babies when I get there!

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I inherited Old Mama Kitty with the farm. She was my accidental love. And…I’ll really miss her. ❤️

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“His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭25:23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-11-21T02:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/21/my-accidental-love.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Aging","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/15/the-long-goodbye.html", "title": "The Long Goodbye", "content_html": "\"Vintage\n

I have a longtime friend…I’ll call her Betty. Betty is retired. She was a child and family counselor…and a darned good one. She is kind, gentle, tender in her approach. She was an intuitive therapist. She raised a beautiful family. She had struggles along the way, as we all do. Some of hers were really difficult. But, in the end, she is still with the same loving spouse, and her children are thriving.

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Several months ago, Betty contacted me and asked me to go to lunch with her. It was there that she revealed she had been diagnosed with dementia. It was hereditary, she explained. She already saw the signs and was struggling a bit. She wanted to thank me for teaching her to quilt because it has been a favorite pastime for her the last few years. Her legacy is in the quilts she stitched by hand as well as the books she wrote.

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Betty’s biggest worry, she told me over lunch, was being a burden to her family and friends. She told me she was going to become more involved in Facebook as a way to stay engaged and interested. She didn’t want to disappear into the shadows of her mind. I encouraged her to write and remain present as long as she could. In true Betty fashion, she turned her Facebook page into a lesson…of love, of courage, of perseverance. She used to send me private messages occasionally. Bringing an article to my attention. Sharing a travel photo. Sharing a memory. Then the private messages stopped. A few days ago, she shared that her dementia was worsening…right on schedule. She doesn’t leave the house much anymore. She realizes how much she is forgetting and she hopes she isn’t boring any of us. I told her this:

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We love you. We cannot fully understand what you are going through. But, we can certainly empathize. It must feel like you are leaving on a cruise ship and the people on the shore are getting further and further away till they disappear. But here’s the good news. The land to which you will eventually arrive has streets paved in gold. There will be no more illness and pain. Only love and joy. And when you can no longer feel our hands, turn around and reach for His. He is always waiting for us with arms wide open.

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It’s been a long goodbye. And while I will miss her sweet, gentle posts with pictures of “Home”, I know for a fact she is surrounded by people who love her very much. They will support her as best they can. They will guard her and protect her and wish her bon voyage. I do not know where she will go when she gets lost in her mind. But I hope it will be pleasant and not painful for her. Safe travels, my friend. I will see you on the other side. ❤️

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“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭23:1-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-11-15T02:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/15/the-long-goodbye.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/13/when-things-get-messy.html", "title": "When Things Get Messy", "content_html": "\"Painting\n

This is the part I hate about home improvement projects…living through the mess till it gets finished. I have done this countless times in my life. You can’t avoid it if you are a homeowner. I did this and then some when my mom died and I prepared to sell her house. She wouldn’t let me do anything to her house when she was living because it meant she would have to throw something away. I completely redid the kitchen and bathroom, painted the whole house, and refinished the hardwood floors…all by myself. It’s ever so much more fun to do a project with someone…especially if you work well together as a team. We took yesterday off, went to church, then out to the farm to feed cats. And today we are back at it.

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As I sat down to write this post, a notification came through on my phone. There are nearly a hundred women from Sisters on the Fly down in Port Aransas doing hurricane relief. The very day the hurricane hit, the call went out on the Sisters on the Fly Facebook page. Someone picked up the ball and started The Sister Corps. They immediately started recruiting women to go south to help with the cleanup efforts as they knew help would be needed beyond the immediacy of the storm. The Sister Corps has been posting pictures of the mounds of trash out in front of the houses where they are working. Homes are bare to the studs where drywall must be replaced because of flooding. Bathrooms and kitchens are being replaced. Carpeting and ruined flooring has been ripped out. It makes me look at this room with a whole new vision.

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We are freshening this room…not salvaging it. We are making a choice to change outdated colors and carpeting, not replacing everything because of a natural disaster. Again, God humbles me when I get too “uppity” for my own good. This is a joy…a blessing. We are wealthy beyond our wildest dreams. We are rich in love and the bountiful blessings of not one, but two homes to live in. We have the money to buy a few gallons of paint without having to go through insurance adjusters and contractors and estimates to do so. I will look at this project with new eyes today when I am privileged to pick up a paint brush and know I have a comfortable bed to sleep in tonight. I know where my family is sleeping tonight. I know we have food in the pantry and a little money in the bank.

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I want to share with you another way God works in my life. The other day, I received notice I needed to make a change in my insurance. I’ve been on the healthcare.gov website and on the phone a few times choosing New coverage. It’s an affordable policy, but still…money I wasn’t necessarily planning on spending. As I looked through the choices, I prayed. “God, show me what I need. I’ll worry about filling out the paperwork…you worry about how I’ll afford what I need.” God always, always provides. You want to know how I know this? Because, yesterday after church, Mr. Fixit and I went to the post office to pick up the mail and there were, not one but…TWO checks in there. Not enough to pay for a full month of insurance. But enough to cover my tithe for the next three months.

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This is how God works. He has countless, countless blessings for YOU. They have your name on them…specifically. And he so wants to give them to you. But…he waits for you to ask for them. Don’t come out of the chute asking for those blessings directly, either. Come into the conversation thanking Him for the blessings he has already showered on you. An attitude of gratitude is a fair way to start a prayer when you are asking for more.

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Thank you, God…for the unexpected bounty you have blessed me with. I am so grateful. ❤️

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“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.”\n‭‭Malachi‬ ‭3:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-11-13T02:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/13/when-things-get-messy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/11/the-closet-christian.html", "title": "The Closet Christian", "content_html": "\"Rain\n

Sometimes it’s hard to walk the talk. And sometimes it’s even more difficult to talk the walk. I shied away from Christianity for many, many years after being frightened by a little ol’ banty rooster of a man. He was a circuit preacher, all hellfire and brimstone. As an adult, I can appreciate where that style of preaching is coming from and what affect it has on my spirit. But, as a seven-year-old, it literally scared the pee out of me and I ran in the opposite direction. I walked a long journey away from Jesus. I couldn’t be an atheist because I knew God. It was this Jesus guy that gave me fits. I rectified that by becoming Jewish for 27 years. It wasn’t till I was 51 that I became a Christian. And, even then, I was a closet Christian.

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I never wanted to be that person. You know, that stereotypical church lady who can’t carry on a conversation without “Praise Jesus” this and “Praise Jesus” that. I’ve since learned you can…and SHOULD…let others know that you are a Christian by the way you act and talk. You can do this without shouting “Hallelujah” in the produce section when the Olathe Sweet Corn arrives. (Although, that actually may be justified!) I took closet Christianity to the extreme though. I was like the Unabomber in my hoodie and shades, being very careful not to expose my true identity. Some of that has fallen away with age. I don’t care as much what people think about me. Mostly it’s a conscious decision.

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I had lunch with a dear friend Thursday. We met at Bob Evans…a busy chain restaurant where I can get a good breakfast any time of the day. We hadn’t seen each other for quite some time so there was much catching up to do. We talked about the kids and our new loves. We chatted about our travels and holiday plans. And we talked liberally about God and our faith walk. It was an easy conversation…the kind of comfort you only find with close friends.

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After about an hour or so, a woman walked over and placed her hand on my arm. “I overheard you talking about the Lord. Thank you! Isn’t He wonderful?” Yes, yes He is. I appreciated the woman’s gesture. She was a true Believer and wanted to share that moment with me. That was fine, but what meant more to me was this…if SHE, as a Believer, overheard our conversation, then there just might have been someone there who may never have had the opportunity to hear someone praising God over hash browns and scrambled eggs.

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Incorporating our love for God into our daily conversations doesn’t have to come in the form of that guy with the sandwich board in front of Taco Bell shouting about the end times. That’s the quickest way to turn people off of any religion, in my humble opinion. I prefer a more organic approach.

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Don’t hide your light under a basket. Let it shine! ❤️

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“Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:15-16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Today is Veteran’s Day. Every Veteran’s Day, I sent Mr. Virgo a note thanking him for his service. His father was a veteran. His late daughter was a veteran. My dad, my uncle, my first husband, my niece, my late father-in-law…all veterans. Mr. Virgo had military honors at his funeral. I cannot hear taps without feeling a catch in my throat. This time of year brings him closer to the surface.

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The other day, one of my dear friends posted a video. In it, she addressed her friends and family. Her nose was red from crying. She sniffled as tears slowly dripped down her cheeks. This is the angelversary week of her husband’s death. It hits her hard every year and even though it’s been eleven years, she relives his final days over and over. It broke my heart. And, of course, it made me think of Mr. Virgo. His was a sudden death. No warning. No long goodbyes. Thankfully, no suffering. I cannot imagine a lingering death. It crushes me.

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While I haven’t cried for him in quite some time, that doesn’t mean I never will again. It certainly doesn’t mean I’m through with grief and loss. That’s something that is forever imprinted in the fibers of my being. But I will say this…I don’t let myself “go there” very often. I used to meditate on him. I felt it was necessary to purge myself of as many tears as possible to clean out my heart from this terrible pain. When tears wouldn’t come, I would look at a picture of him in his casket taken at the viewing… white turtleneck, ivory sweater, hair carefully combed, glasses missing from the CPR efforts. I know that sounds absolutely macabre, but somehow I needed that pain to burn itself out or the fire was going to consume me. I knew this without a doubt.

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Time and distance has softened Mr. Virgo’s death somehow. It’s like looking at the horizon without my glasses. I see the line…it’s just blurred. If I concentrate, I can bring it back into focus because it’s always there…just beyond where the light spills over. But, something interesting happens when he brushes up against my mind now. When I get close to the memories, I “feel” him instead of “see” him. I mean…literally. While there are some passages in the Bible that allow for a little wiggle room in the idea of “ghosts”, Evangelical Christians believe that we are absent from this place once we die. However, it isn’t far fetched to believe that God may use visions, smells and touch to evoke loving memories of loved ones who have passed.

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The other night, Mr. FixIt and I were talking and he said the sweetest thing. He said, “How can we love each other this much?” Immediately, I felt something brush up over my right arm. It surprised me and I sat very still. I looked down at my arm and thought hard. “Do it again.” I whispered in my mind. And there it was…a distinct “touch”…like static electricity on my right forearm. I smiled and looked up at Mr. FixIt. I don’t know how we can love each other this much, but we do.

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And…I’ve a feeling someone else approves. ❤️

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“We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Mr. Fixit is doing some cleaning up and updating at his house. We make a really good team working on projects together and he is constantly amazed at the things I can do. I think it really shocked him at first when I did jobs around the farm that may have been labeled “men’s work” in an earlier time. He’ll still watch me do something and shake his head. I usually look at him and say “What?!” He’ll laugh and say, “You amaze me, that’s all. You’re a remarkable woman!” I love that. I love being considered a remarkable woman by a man I greatly admire. It makes me feel both feminine and empowered at the same time.

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Somewhere in the midst of moving things around at his house the other day, Mr. Fixit stumbled upon a book called Lists to Live by for Every Married Couple. Even though we aren’t married, we figured since we’re a couple, the book ought to work for us as well. Every evening we sit down and read a few pages and discuss the lists. There are lists of activities to do, things to say, things NOT to say, good habits…you know, common sense things that keep marriages (and couples in relationships) on an even keel as they navigate this journey called life. And even though this isn’t our first rodeo, it’s our first in this particular one, so it doesn’t hurt to read.

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I like that these lists have faith-based items on them. Pray for your partner. Tell your partner you are praying for them. Read the Bible. Go to church. Mr. Fixit hadn’t been to church for thirty-five years until I came along. I never pushed him to go. I just told him that’s where I’d be every Sunday morning. And I was. And one day he said he might go with me every once in awhile. Not every week…but, once in a while. I smiled and said I would love that. Again…no pressure. Then came the Sunday he went with me. Easter, I think. When we came out, his eyes were lit up with a fire! He was so excited. He’d never experienced church like this. He had always fallen asleep in church. THIS church grabbed his attention and kept him engaged the entire service. He’s gone with me every Sunday since unless one or the other of us is traveling.

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This is something new for me, as well. To have someone want to go to church with me every week. To hold my hand during worship and prayer. Someone to sing with me. A voice I recognize praying next to me. This has become a big part of our bonding experience. There should be three people in every relationship…you, your significant other, and God. If both of you keep God at the top of the triangle and you both strive to climb closer to Him…you cannot help but get closer to each other. It’s simple geometry.

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When trouble comes into our life, either in the form of tragedy in the news or something that affects us on a more personal level, we remember that God wraps us in His feathers and we can find refuge there. We needn’t be afraid of the things of the world. I watched the news again last night and saw the follow up stories surrounding the shooting in Texas. I watched the mother, the pastor’s wife, whose fourteen year old daughter was killed. I saw her model grace in the wake of an unspeakable loss. And this verse came to me. What a remarkable example of trust. Of faith. Of absolute assurance she will see her child again. I was in awe.

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My heart is with those mourning losses today. My prayer is they will find refuge under His wings. ❤️

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“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭91:4-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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I watched the news last night and was reminded why I don’t watch the news. The sadness in my gut, the fear in the front of my mind, the sorrow for families of loved ones lost to senseless tragedy is unbearable. The news came through an alert on my cell phone as we left church yesterday. I grabbed Mr. Fixit’s hand and shared. His jaw clenched as he gripped my hand, silently taking it all in. Thinking…no doubt…that it could have been us.

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Church. Church is where we’re supposed to feel utterly safe. Yesterday’s tragedy in Texas was the third mass shooting in the last seventeen months…all of which were among the worst in U.S. history, according to USA Today. I don’t know about you, but I look around more these days. I wonder about people I don’t know. I ask myself if they could hurt me…or my loved ones. It’s taxing. I’m feeling the strain of fear. I don’t like this. I don’t like worrying. I don’t like wondering, not IF, but WHEN will it strike close to home?

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There is evil loose in this world and we’ve been rocked to sleep…complacent in our busyness. In our rush to beat the clock and get the most out of every day. Lists need to be made and checked off. Appointments need to be scheduled and kept. And the enemy doesn’t give a darn about any of it. He is only here to seek, kill, and destroy. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. He distracts us with the sparklies then swoops in with the spear…or, in this case, an assault rifle.

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When bad things happen and you are simultaneously grieving, everything is compounded and spins out of control. It’s difficult to remember there IS control in this world. There IS a winner. There IS a great comforter. When I hear and see reports of things like the shooting yesterday in Texas, I am inclined to feel fear. That fear is from the enemy. However, when I turn to God, He reminds me to put my trust in Him. The enemy whispers…”Ahhhh, yes. But will that bring back the twenty plus lost yesterday? What good is your trust if your God can’t save His people?”

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The enemy will not deter my faith. God doesn’t cause these horrific tragedies to occur. It breaks His heart to see his children suffer. What He DOES want is for us to turn to Him for comfort and solace in times of trouble. He wants us to continue to love. We love….because first, He loved us. There will always be senseless tragedies that we can’t explain. But…there will come a day when the things of this world will melt away and we will be freed from the shackles of fear and pain.

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I pray for the families of the innocents lost. I pray for the victims of this senseless shooting. I pray for the first responders and the citizens of this very small town in Texas where everyone knew everyone else. I pray for the family and friends of the shooter who may have known something was off…may have tried to get him help…may have never dreamed this could have happened. And I pray for the soul of the shooter. He could not possibly have been in his right mind so I pray for any healthcare workers who may have tried to help him but couldn’t. I pray for the pastor of the church where the shootings occured and for his wife. They were not at the church yesterday…but their fourteen-year-old daughter was one of those killed.

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No, I will not roll over…I will not let satan win by becoming consumed with fear and loathing. I will keep my faith in God and let Him sort the rest out. That being said…I will make my feelings about gun safety known to my elected officials. God wants us to turn to Him…but he needs us to suit up and show up and go into battle, too. ❤️

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“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭56:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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Some very observant readers picked up on something in my picture yesterday. My inbox lit up like a Christmas tree! I didn’t answer the questions directly and suggested they come back today to read my post. I love a little mystery. What was it they saw? A ring…a shiny ring…on my left hand!!! squeeeee

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Yes, I have a ring! And in all fairness, so does Mr. FixIt. I gave him his first though. So here’s how it went down, what it means, and how we’re feeling about it.

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Early in the year, just a couple months after Mr. FixIt and I started seeing each other, we found out there was something wrong with his blood. The initial thoughts were he had leukemia. Suffice it to say, we were both pretty devastated about it. After all, we just “found” each other again after 45 years. It would be terribly tragic to turn around and lose him, too. He had more tests run and they were worse, so we went for a bone marrow biopsy.

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We had been talking about a life long commitment but that’s as far as it had gone. Then the blood thing came up. I wanted some way, some outward sign that would show Mr. FixIt that…no matter what the results of this bone marrow biopsy, I was in this for the long haul. I didn’t want him to worry or be afraid. I happened upon a beautiful gentlemen’s ring and in a moment of impulse, I bought it. We were leaving for the hospital when I pulled out the box and told him I wanted him to know…good or bad…I’m not going anywhere. I thought he was going to cry. He knew I was sticking with him, but the gesture was not lost on him. He asked if this meant we were engaged. Smiling, I said, “Halfway.”

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One evening we were going out to dinner with friends and I stopped by Mr. FixIt’s to get ready. I was sitting out front when he came home. He said, “Oh! You’re wearing my favorite dress!” I stood up and twirled around. He had a concerned look on his face and I thought. “Uh-oh. Somethings wrong.” He looked at me and said the dress was missing something. Something sparkly. Then he gave me this beautiful ring!

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Here’s where it gets complicated. This is the most personal I’ll ever get about our relationship. I don’t want to get married again. At least, not in the conventional way. I’ve had three husbands. That’s two other women’s quotas. It has nothing to do with how much I love Mr. FixIt…or Mr. Virgo, for that matter. When women of a certain age become widows, they qualify for “widow’s benefits”. If they get married, they lose that. Things don’t work in the widow’s favor in this regard. Therefore, a lot of very long engagements take place in my age bracket. And that’s just fine.

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From a faith standpoint, it slays me that women are forced to lose income in order to\ndo what God says to do. Someone said to me…”Well, you aren’t trusting God to provide.” To which my answer is…maybe He already provided. Maybe those widow’s benefits ARE his answer to prayer. The Lord takes care of those who help themselves. To me, it would be crazy to throw away money He had provided.

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Long engagements are still in vogue. I will be here for the long haul. The rest is a matter of semantics. So, no…there’s no date set. No fanfare. No hoopla. Just love. Lots and lots of love…always and forever. I’m sure I’ll be talking to God about it when I get to Heaven. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long conversation! ❤️

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Edit: He still has an abnormality which they have determined is not leukemia. They still don’t know what it is. We have to repeat the tests in six months. I’m sorry. I was writing this late and missed that piece.

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“…..may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭5:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Three thousand seven hundred sixty-four. That’s how many days came between these two pictures. On the left, the day I married Mr. Virgo. Is it any wonder that handsome man wanted to marry me??? Look at that fresh face, smooth skin, dark hair with just a smattering of gray. Where are the wrinkles around my mouth? Where is all the proof of my sorrow and my joy?

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It was a warm spring day stuck smack dab between storms. They shoveled the snow off the balcony so we could get married outside. I had shopped and shopped for the perfect dress, finally finding it on eBay for $45! It was too big so my friend took it in for me. I loved the beads on the silk with hand painted flowers. I thought I looked like a million bucks!

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If I had it to do over again, I would have had Mr. Virgo plan the wedding. While it was lovely, it wasn’t until the honeymoon when he reminded me this is what he does for a living. I hadn’t even thought of that. I was just so darned excited to be marrying this great guy, I just barreled through like a bull in a china shop. I asked him why he didn’t say something, and in his sweet, self-deprecating way, he told me, “Sweetheart, it really is all about you. You were having so much fun with it, I just sat back and enjoyed the ride.” I started to ask him what he would have done differently and I know he would have said, “Nothing, baby doll. Not a thing.” Because, that’s the kind of guy he was.

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We stood before some seventy-five or so of our family and friends and shared our vows. We promised to always be there. Till death do us part. We had no idea at the time it would only be five years, eleven months, and five days till the unthinkable happened and he was gone.

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There is joy on that face on the left. Fresh with the wonder of love and a wedding and music and dancing and cake! Fast forward a decade and look…that face has aged. It has seen indescribable loss. The eyes have shed a river of tears. The hair has a lot of glitter in it. And, there is also joy on that face on the right. Fresh with the wonder of love and music and camping and great barbecue and the handsome man taking my picture….my life companion. The woman on the right is wiser. Older chronologically, but not in her heart. While I lost so much when I lost Mr. Virgo…I ended up gaining in the end. I have a much greater sense of adventure. I’m not so “in the box” as I used to be. I got out from under crushing debt and the weight of long held worldly goods. I figured out what’s really important in life. I’m SO different now than I was then.

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I am relieved to be this far down the road of this grief journey. The pictures I have of those weeks, months, years break my heart. I try not to think about the possibilities of having to walk that path again but I’m realistic enough to know it can happen. I know I could survive it again if I had to. But, for now…I think I’ll just hang on and go for the ride. The best is yet to be! I’m becoming a crone! ❤️

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“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.””\n‭‭Genesis‬ ‭2:18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-11-03T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/03/the-promise.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Aging","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/31/free-refills.html", "title": "Free Refills", "content_html": "\"Free\n

Sunday’s sermon was amazing, as usual, and I am always compelled to share my impressions. Pastor Justin Enoch of The Warehouse Church delivers a passionate message every Sunday that really speaks to me. I love this church! It’s contemporary, has a great praise team, and speaks to my spirit week after week. As I was driving to church Sunday, I felt this delightful anticipation that made me smile. I’ve never known a church where people are SO excited to attend. They give you “high fives” as you enter and as you leave. They hold up signs in the parking lot that say “So glad you’re here!” and “You can sit with us!” It is a reaching church and welcomes everyone, no matter where they are in their lives. I love that.

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“If you only knew…” This was the title of Sunday’s sermon. How many times have you said…”If I only knew then what I know now…”? Pastor Justin used the example of the oil and gas industry. If he had only known about the development that was going to come, he would have thrown everything he had into the pot and bought all this land for pennies on the dollar that has now created so many “Mailbox Millionaires”. We live our lives this way. The enemy feeds on this. He whispers into our lives and makes us fearful of the future, worried about today, and ashamed of the past. If you take up the spoon and eat what you’re being fed, you’ll soon starve to death. Your spirit will be hungry…for what, it has no clue. So you seek to find something that fills you up. Drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography, shopping…anything to fill up that hole in your spirit.

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Pastor Justin goes on to ask how many of us love “free refills”. Hands go up all over the sanctuary. We do! We love to have that bottomless cup of coffee at the diner or the unlimited soup and salad at Olive Garden. We want something for nothing. God offers us unlimited, bottomless cup, free refills for all eternity…refills of love. If you only knew how much He loves you. If you were the only person on this earth, He would still have sacrificed His Son for you. That kind of love is unfathomable. You can’t earn it. You can’t buy it. He gives it freely. And when He does, you cannot help but be changed.

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There is an East Indian saying that says, “No matter how far you have gone down the wrong path, turn around.” You have to make choices in your faith walk. If you are struggling with addiction, you can’t get clean and play in the same playground you did before. You have to make changes. God offers his love freely, but we have to show up and suit up and play the game. What if you put that passion and drive and love and attention you put into anything that takes you off the right path and turned it towards God? What if, instead of running to the bottle or the needle or the charge card or the relationship, you ran towards Jesus? Whoa. That blew me away.

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Free refills…unconditional love, free for the taking. I’ll fill my cup at the well that serves Living Water and my cup will never be empty. I ran into a gal in Harrisville yesterday. I hadn’t seen her in about a year. She looked at me and said, “You look so rested, so peaceful.” I am…for a number of reasons. My cup is filled every day by a living, loving God. I have healthy, happy children and grandchildren. My brother is stable and happy and living a fulfilling life. I live in the country in the home of my heart. And, I’m in love with a wonderful man. I am wealthy beyond all imagination. I may not have a boatload of money…but I’m richer than I have ever been in my entire life.

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Twelve years ago today a tall, silver-haired gentleman with piercing blue eyes and a disarming smile walked into my needlework shop in Glenwood Springs and changed my life forever. I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful I had that kind of unconditional love and that I have it again. I am so grateful for this life! My prayer today is that you are richly blessed in your own lives. ❤️

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“Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.””\n‭‭John‬ ‭4:13-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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I sat in the big leather chair yesterday and gazed around this circle of marvelous, beautiful women I have the honor of calling my friends. We all graduated from high school together…could it really be forty-six years ago??? We’re a diverse group. Some were jocks in high school. Some were wallflowers. Actresses. Musicians. Artists. Dancers. Some were heavy into books. Some were heavy into boys. We were shy…and we weren’t. We were scared…and we weren’t. And look at us now. These raven-haired beauties have glitter on their crowns now…whether we choose to show it or not.

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What is age but a number and an attitude? I haven’t climbed all these mountains to ignore the view. I worked hard to get up here. I got knocked down a few times. (Haven’t we all?) But, I kept on climbing because the view is pretty magnificent from this side of sixty. I don’t want to be young. I’ve been young. I don’t want to lose the character lines on my face. I’ve had alabaster skin. I don’t want to be skinny. I’ve worried about my tummy for the very last time. What I haven’t been is sixty-five and seventy-eight and ninety-two.

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When Mr. Virgo died, I truly thought my life was over. In a way, it was. THAT life was. But I got a new life…whether I wanted it or not. I built it to suit me. Stripping away to the foundation of your soul takes great courage. My mantra every day was a whimper…”Move forward…move forward…move forward.” From a whimper to a whisper to a shout, joy was my carrot on a stick. Did I ever dream I’d find love again? I did at some point. I can guarantee it took a while to get there. Did I ever dream I’d find a love like THIS again? Oh, h*** no! Is it better than what I had with Mr. Virgo? It’s different…as it should be. I wasn’t looking to “replace” my husband. I was looking to enhance my life with joy, and Mr. FixIt brings that and then some.

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I don’t want to be anything but what I am because if I lose focus on sixty-four, I’ll miss it. I want to be present with my breath and my heartbeat…my bones and marrow. I want to feel my muscles move as I strive to continually improve them. I want to taste my food. I want to smell sunshine on fresh sheets. No…I don’t want to be young. I want to be me…at every stage. I want to make aging my canvas…my art…my muse. ❤️

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“Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:31‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-10-29T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/29/the-art-of-aging.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/26/farmhouse-obsession.html", "title": "Farmhouse Obsession", "content_html": "\"Farmhouse\n

In 1982, Hubby #2 and I moved into an old brick bungalow that had been the farmhouse before the area around it was developed. It was drafty and poorly insulated. Three quarters of the basement was bare dirt floor. The brick support pillars down there were crumbling and frankly, it was a pretty scary place. But the rest of the house was charming. Dark hardwood floors and built-in storage, tall ceilings and a sun porch, large windows you could fling wide open to catch the cool evening breeze…it was the closest I had come to living in an actual farmhouse since I’d left home at the tender age of twenty.

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Hubby #2 was in medical school when we moved into this rental. Even though it was a farmhouse, it was on a very busy street in east Denver. I had a big garden and flower beds everywhere. We grew as much of our own food as we could and I was very much into Mother Earth News. I made our bread, yogurt, granola and tofu. What I couldn’t grow, I bought at the neighborhood farmer’s market. I canned dozens of jars of green beans, pickles, tomatoes, jams and jellies in my huge country kitchen which looked very similar to this one.

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I have a total obsession with these porcelain farmhouse sinks. There’s nothing better for canning than one of these babies. The sink was huge and deep…perfect for washing large quantities of fruits and vegetables. A water bath canner could sit right down into the sink for easy filling. And two dishpans fit perfectly side by side for washing and rinsing dishes. My grandma’s farmhouse doesn’t have one of these sinks but I imagine the first one I ever saw was in West Virginia. I run across them every so often here but haven’t found just the right one. The laminate on the countertops in the farm kitchen is lifting and needs to be replaced. I’m thinking if I ever do that, this kind of sink is going in. The plumbing under the sink is getting pretty fragile so when it goes, it’ll be a perfect opportunity to do a little updating. It is, to be sure, just an earthly tent…but the home of my earthly heart.

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Speaking of plumbing, remember when I told you about leaving the bath water running and getting distracted by a phone call? I actually ran the well dry and this terrible, black water started coming out of the faucet. I spoke with one of the locals here and he said this hard water gunks up the insides of the pipes just like cholesterol in your arteries. When I let the well run dry, the “spurting” of air and water essentially roto-rootered the plumbing. Before that, the water smelled and tasted awful. Now, while I don’t think I’d drink a glass of it, I can stand to brush my teeth with it…but only after I tested the water. It’s hard, and slightly alkaline, but there’s no lead, pesticides, or bacteria. It’s really amazing the difference in the quality, before and after.

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The pot roast from yesterday was wonderful and is in a crockpot for vegetable soup today. It’s cold and rainy and we were expecting our first hard freeze last night. It’s time to get out the jeans and sweaters and boots and jackets. The only thing missing is a fireplace but this old house is all wood and I wouldn’t dare have one. We did change out the stove in the bathroom yesterday with one that has a thermostat. Now it shuts off and on rather than being way too hot or freezing with the manual shutoff.

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The fire in Parkersburg is dying down but still has smoldering hotspots. More information is being released about the owners and what they were doing in there. And, more importantly, what they WEREN’T doing…like correcting past environmental and safety violations. The owner, who has at least four other of these warehouses in the area packed with God knows what, is conveniently out of the country at the moment. Fines had been levied against them for these violations to the tune of $80,000…$60,000 of which remains unpaid. They’re still evaluating the air quality results. The first class action lawsuit was filed Monday. And the circus begins. I pray for the first responders and the folks who live nearby and in the path of the smoke cloud, which shifted continually with the direction of the wind. I pray this gets sorted out quickly. I hear Erin Brokovich has been alerted. I hope that helps. ❤️

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“For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:1-5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-10-26T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/26/farmhouse-obsession.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/17/getting-bolder-stories-not-stuff.html", "title": "Getting Bolder: Stories, Not Stuff", "content_html": "

\"Stories,Today’s post is a link to my most recent installment of “Getting Bolder” on the Sisters on the Fly blog. ❤️

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www.sistersonthefly.com/getting-b…

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“Since we have such a hope, we are very bold,”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭3:12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-10-17T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/17/getting-bolder-stories-not-stuff.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Sisters on the Fly","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/13/an-act-of-forgiveness.html", "title": "An Act of Forgiveness", "content_html": "\"Photo\n

Disclaimer: This may be a trigger subject with some. It is dreadfully sad but it touched my heart and I wanted to share with you. It is about the Holocaust and Forgiveness.

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Eva Kor was a young child when she and her twin were torn from their family upon arrival at Auschwitz, never to see them again. Under the direction of Dr. Mengele, they were both subjected to medical experiments that nearly killed them. By sheer will, they fought to survive and were liberated by Russian forces.

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For fifty years, Eva held on to her position of “victim”…and rightly so. Her life had been forever altered in ways we cannot even begin to comprehend. She is all that is left of her family. As the 50th Anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz approached, she awoke one morning with an idea. What if she could forgive someone. She was often called upon to speak and recalled a Nazi doctor that had been at Auschwitz. She had met him at a conference. She figured he may still be alive so she found his phone number and worked up the courage to call him. I’ll let you watch the video and see how she found it in her heart to forgive the most heinous of acts.

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youtu.be/gdgPAetNY…

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We speak a lot here about forgiveness. Anger, bitterness, and resentment are the poisons we take hoping they will affect our enemies. Our enemies don’t care if we are eaten alive inside by negative emotions. They are going on with their lives in the nature of enemies…unknowing, uncaring. If my Lord and Savior has forgiven me of my sins, who am I to not do the same? I try to love others as Jesus loves me…even when they are my enemies. Eva’s act of forgiveness took a great deal of strength and courage. She was alienated from other Holocaust survivors for forgiving the Nazis who killed millions of their fellow citizens, friends, and family members. But she didn’t care. She didn’t do it for them. She did it for herself. I am in awe of that kind of heart…that spirit of forgiveness. My petty grievances pale in comparison. ❤️

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“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.”\n‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:12-15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-10-13T01:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/13/an-act-of-forgiveness.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/12/magic-hands.html", "title": "Magic Hands", "content_html": "\"Photo\n

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I have always been prompt at getting my mammogram done every single year. I always had it at the same place for consistency. Still, even though it always niggled in the back of my mind that time was slipping by, I went a full three years without one. The fact that I am fairly diligent in doing breast self examination regularly was at least some consolation. But not all lumps and bumps can be felt. An exam and getting the tatas compressed is your best advantage for early detection of breast cancer.

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I had my mammogram done September 27th, a Saturday. I was up before dawn to go get this thing done. I was in and out relatively quickly. The technologist was friendly, knowledgeable, and the entire experience left me feeling confident in the Women’s Center at Camden Clark Memorial Hospital in Parkersburg. I left the appointment and met my girlfriends for coffee and it became a day like any other day.

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The following Wednesday, I went camping for a week and when I returned, there was a message on my home phone from the doctor’s office. Mr. FixIt and I looked at each other and I saw the slightest flicker of fear in his eyes.

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“I’m sure it’s fine, sweetheart. I’m a girl…girls are complicated. We’ve got all these parts we have to maintain. It happens all the time.” I said in my most reassuring voice. But he wasn’t buying it. And neither was I. I’d never been called back before. And I’d never had an ultrasound of my breast.

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My doctor’s office made an appointment for me for the following Tuesday…a whole week away. As much as I tried not to think about what it could mean, it was fruitless. I’ve worked in medicine almost my entire working life. I was married to a doctor who was the director of hospice. I was an x-ray tech. I know what I know. I ran through the risk factors. I used to drink more than I should have when I was going through a particularly difficult marriage/divorce but when the divorce was over, so was the drinking. I am not at my ideal weight and I don’t exercise as much as I should. The king sized plus for me is absolutely zero family history of breast cancer. By the time the appointment came around, I was feeling pretty confident this wasn’t cancer.

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Tuesday finally came. The technician who came out to get me was the same gal who did the first mammo. That was comforting…and good, in that her technique would be the same for comparison’s sake. She told me there were two places in the breast that caused them concern and she pointed them out to me. She proceeded to do another mammogram. This one used a compression paddle on the machine that squeezed a small, three inch circle…really squeezed. I won’t lie…it stung. No problem holding my breath for that one! When she had the top down views done, she changed the paddle to a five inch circle for the side views. Again, the compression took my breath away, but I wanted good compression so the radiologist could see what he/she was looking for. It was soon done and I was ushered to a waiting room. Once the radiologist said no more views were needed, I was taken to the ultrasound room.

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I’ve had ultrasounds many times, but never of my breast. They warm the gel! How nice! I’m laying there with my arm over my head and my boob hanging out in front of someone who was born the year I graduated from high school but, by golly, that gel was warm! The tech turned the screen slightly toward me and I saw what I had seen on the mammogram, only instead of being an oval, clearly encapsulated thing that looked much like a grape…I saw a black hole. My heart sank for a moment. Then my medical expertise came back and I thought about the physics of ultrasound. I soon reasoned what I was looking at was a fluid filled cyst and the vast majority of those are benign. Breathe.

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The tech moved to the other spot. This was more worrisome. It was calcification within some very dense breast tissue. I have what used to be called fibrocystic breast disease till they dropped the disease part, because…it isn’t one. It’s extremely common. The last time I had a mammogram, my doctor was musing to herself. “Hmmmm, I wonder why your left breast is so much denser than the right?” “Easy,” I said. “I’ve always been with right handed men” I think she peed a little. Anyway, I digress. I couldn’t make heads nor tails of what I was seeing in this exam area so I just laid back and let my mind wander. What was my gut saying? “This is ok. Don’t worry.”

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I was wandering through the mall yesterday, contemplating a pair of shoes, when the doctor’s office called. She said the doctor felt the findings were benign. They wanted to know if there was a family history of breast cancer. Since there is not, the recommendation is to repeat it in six months and if there are no changes, resume the yearly schedule. I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath as I sat down on one of the chairs in the shoe department. I thanked her and hung up. Relief spread over me and I immediately texted Mr. FixIt and my Prayer Warriors.

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One out of eight women get breast cancer. Unlike Julia Louise Dreyfus…today it was not me. Get your mammograms, girls. Save the tatas! ❤️

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“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭17:22‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-10-12T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/12/magic-hands.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/11/free-spirit.html", "title": "Free Spirit", "content_html": "\"Woman\n

Much of my life was spent trying to conform…to not be too loud, too big, too much. To fit into the mold of who I (and others whose opinions I valued over my own) thought I should be. I was a doctor’s wife. I was supposed to fit in, entertain, volunteer. I converted to Judaism. I smiled, a lot. I had a perky voice. I did the best I could. And still, things unraveled, my marriage fell apart, and it darned near killed me.

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It took a long time, and a lot of therapy, to find my voice. So many times women hang their identity on a hook by the front door and become who they need to be…who they’re expected to be. I have two beautiful daughters who are wonderful adults. Honestly, I don’t know how they survived me because I was a hot mess back in the day.

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Mr. Virgo was the first man to really “get” me. He was patient and listened intently and fiercely supported me. He helped me see, and really FEEL, my value. When he died suddenly, my world and my self-confidence was rocked. When I was alone on my grief journey in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado in the first few months after he died, I really understood for the first time that it’s up to me to be happy. If we search for happiness from external things, we will always be disappointed.

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I had a Mr. Virgo-sized hole in my heart and a God-sized hole in my life. I couldn’t bring Mr. Virgo back, but I could…and DID…reach out to God to fill me up with a peace only He could give. My go-to scripture became “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Over and over, through long anxiety-riddled nights, I repeated it till I believed it…till I felt it in my bones. And magically, God filled in the empty, hurting places with a golden love-light like none I had ever known.

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I was telling someone yesterday…I loved Mr. Virgo with the white-hot heat of the sun. But I still never felt whole till I loved GOD with the white-hot heat of HIS Son. My light shines from within. I carry myself differently. I’m happy and content with myself and my life. And now? Now I have Mr. FixIt. I’m so glad he came into my life after I was broken open. I don’t know that we would have appreciated each other if this would have happened at any other time in our lives.

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God’s timing is so perfect. ❤️

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“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.”\n‭‭Luke‬ ‭12:6-7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-10-11T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/11/free-spirit.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Aging","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/10/past-the-breaking-point.html", "title": "Past the Breaking Point", "content_html": "\"Photo\n

Filicide. It’s something we don’t want to talk about…something we don’t understand. How could a mother kill her own children? It’s beyond our comprehension. How can someone be pushed so far that they would break like that? It goes against every grain. Yet, it happens.

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There was a tragedy in West Virginia last week. A woman shot her two young children, then herself. The little boy was hanging on by a thread last I heard. The little girl and the mom are gone. I just learned last night that not one, but both children have/had special needs. I don’t know what they’re challenges are/were, but I do know what it’s like to grow up in a family with a special needs child. My brother was born with cerebral palsy and mild mental impairment. I will never forget the day the doctor gave Mom the prognosis. They told her he would never live a normal life. He wouldn’t drive or be able to take care of himself or hold a real job. She was devastated. Add to that a troubled marriage and it’s no wonder she suffered from migraines, anxiety, and depression.

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About six years ago, I did a short stint as a substitute paraprofessional in a severe needs classroom at the elementary school where my older daughter taught. I couldn’t do it…and I grew up with this. I don’t know how teachers and parents keep from going over the edge. This mother had more than she could handle and she broke.

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The news headline said “Let this be a wake up call.” Yes, let’s. There are few people who don’t know anyone affected by a special needs child in their circle…be it church or the hair salon or the bank or a neighbor. If you know someone, and you’ve never offered to help out, do something. A couple hour break could make a world of difference in an overwhelmed parent’s life. Take them a meal. Offer to cut their lawn. Give them a gift card to the grocery. Heck, give them a hug. Tell them, while you can’t understand exactly what they’re going through, you’d like them to know you’re there for whatever help you may be able to give them. Pray with them. Pray FOR them. If you can’t do any of these things, pray for God to open your heart to whatever He would want you to do.

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My demographic here is 40-65 year old women mainly, so I guess I’m encouraging grandmas to do what grandmas do best…love on somebody that sorely needs it today. You never know who that outstretched hand may save. We cannot understand how horrible things like this can happen, but perhaps we can change the course by opening our hearts and loving people like Jesus does. ❤️

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“Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” And he laid his hands on them and went away.”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭19:13-15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-10-10T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/10/past-the-breaking-point.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/09/a-little-rr.html", "title": "A Little R\u0026R", "content_html": "

 

\n\"Ol'\n

We awoke to the sound of rain gently falling on the tin roof yesterday. What a welcome sound. Something else grabbed my attention. It was stuffy and still in the bedroom. I picked up my phone to check the temperature. No wifi. The power was out so the fan was off. This happens frequently here at the farm. I keep thinking I’ll get a generator but haven’t yet.

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Old Mama Kitty curled up at my feet while I sat on the porch, watching the rain. Every time we have this moment, I wonder how much longer we’ll have her. She’s about twenty-four years old now. I love this sweet little kitty.

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The persistent rain made me sleepy and I couldn’t get motivated to do much. I did put about half the stuff away in the kitchen that I had brought in from TOW-Wanda. The rest of the day was literally spent doing as little as possible. Sometimes you just need a day like that. Mr. FixIt is like the Energizer bunny. He never stops. I like to do a lot of stuff but when I need down time, I NEED down time. I sent him off to deliver a chair to his granddaughter and go bowling and I spent the afternoon/evening laying low. Just what the doctor ordered!

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The only downside of having a lay low, shut in kind of day was not going to church. The only upside to that is the Warehouse Church where we attend goes live on their Facebook page every Sunday night at 7:00 so if I can’t go for some reason, I can watch the sermon from home.

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Last night, Pastor Justin spoke on getting past your past. I dragged my past behind me like a sack of rotting garbage for years. I played and replayed every mistake, every misstep, every wrongdoing I ever did and berated myself for being a bad daughter, sister, wife, mother. It turns out, those were all lies…whispered into my life by the enemy. He has no power over the future, but man…does he know how to play the past. There are ways you can use the past. Learning from your mistakes and moving forward, letting the past “push” you into the person God has always intended you to be…THAT’S the only useful thing the past can give you. God uses those mistakes you made in the past to allow you to minister to others, to speak life over them, to demonstrate that you do not have to let your past define who you are. You can get past it. Powerful message. So, I got my lay low day, I had a nap under the sounds of a gentle rain on a tin roof, AND I heard a great message from God. What’s not to love about that? ❤️

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“Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭3:13-14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-10-09T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/09/a-little-rr.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","The Cats","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/10/06/losing-your-sense-of-direction.html", "title": "Losing Your Sense of Direction", "content_html": "\"Losing\n

There’s no quicker way to lose your inner compass than through the experience of grief. God built us to numb down so we don’t experience the loss in one gulp. I remember the first year. I was so numb from the neck up. I didn’t fully grasp what had happened to my world until the second year. THAT was the year of pain for me because I “woke up” and he was still gone. I didn’t know where to turn. I literally didn’t know which end was up. I couldn’t make intelligent choices. I couldn’t see further than today…maybe even this hour. It was terribly disconcerting to me to feel so out of control. It was terribly comforting to me when you all started writing back with things like “Yes! That’s me!” and “OMGosh! You’re in my head! How did you know?”

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Losing your inner compass is normal in grief. Losing your sense of direction doesn’t just come with the loss of a loved one though. It can come with anything that shocks our sensibilities. And I can’t think of anything more shocking than the events of the last month. While I was out galavanting around, camping here and there, appearing at public events, being interviewed while flyfishing, sitting around the campfire with friends…events were taking place that were shattering our world and I was largely disconnected save for the occasional notification on my phone when I was in cell range.

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Disclaimer: I’m not here to discuss politics. There are many, many sites where that is the theme. This is a safe place where we discuss grief and the things that effect it. That being said…I would be remiss if I sail along singing Kumbaya and not address the horrifying events that have hit us over and over and over the last few weeks.

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Devastating hurricanes. Deadly earthquakes. Horrific mass murders. Huge breaches of electronic security. Every week…every day…it’s something. Another thing…another horror. It’s hard to feel safe in times like this when you aren’t grieving. Add the insecurity and emotional turmoil of loss to the mix and it’s so easy to lose your way…to lose direction…to lose hope.

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Yes, there are political avenues that can and…in my humble opinion…should be implemented to curb events that can be curbed. I am an enigma. I am a diehard liberal Christian and Democrat with a gun. I believe in my right to carry and protect myself, my property, and my loved ones. If I need to hunt to eat, I need a weapon to do so. What I don’t need is an assault rifle, let alone forty-three of them, and I certainly don’t need one that shoots automatically. I might need a couple hundred rounds of ammo. I don’t need ten thousand. I might need some fertilizer for my garden. I don’t need enough to blow up a building. I need to protect my little corner of the world from nefarious interlopers. I’m fully aware not everyone agrees on these issues and I’m not here to debate politics or gun control or any “third rail” issue. This is a faith-based blog so I’m going to approach this from my own personal faith-based perspective.

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I usually drive in silence. It’s my think time. But, occasionally I listen to a book on tape or a talk given by someone on a subject I am interested in. As events unfolded over the last month, I found myself getting upset and angry…a perfectly normal reaction to such chaos. Since losing Mr. Virgo, I’ve found it helpful to retreat within myself and become quiet and introspective in order to process additional loss. Now that I have Mr. FixIt in my life, I don’t have long stretches of time to silently contemplate my feelings, process them, and retrieve my bearings. I felt my fear grow and my frustration build to the point of lashing out at him when he did nothing but be kind and love me. I needed to fix that before it became a problem.

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God always brings me what I need to walk through this path. Remember me telling you that we have to walk through fire in this life, but God throws gems down in the flames? We may not recognize the meaning of a particular gem, but we tuck it away because somewhere down the line, we’ll understand. When I was in Colorado, I went to a used book store looking for books on tape for the long drives I take traveling with TOW-Wanda. This time I found several presentations by such notables as Brené Brown, Pema Chodrin, and Joyce Meyers. I tucked them in the truck but didn’t listen to them on the trip home because Mr. FixIt was with me.

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Last week I traveled up to Beaver Creek State Park and found the four hour block of time to listen to Pema Chodrin’s “Don’t Bite the Hook: Finding Freedom from Anger, Resentment, and Other Destructive Emotions”. Her basic premise boils down to finding compassion for the perpetrator. She spends the better part of three and a half hours explaining how to fight the addiction of anger and replace it with patience and compassion. Anger sits in the pit of our stomach. It’s uncomfortable and we lash out to release those pent up feelings. But, what if we allow ourselves to sit with that discomfort, recognize it as a temporary feeling, look at the person pissing us off and feel compassion? If that’s too hard, then at least just say…“OK, this person is pissing me off. I’m not biting that hook.” There is a difference between suppressing anger and diffusing it. Suppression will just place it in a pressure cooker and it becomes self-destructive. Diffusing it dissipates the energy and converts it into something self-soothing.

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How does this relate to the current events in the world? Well, environmentally, these storms are getting more powerful, more frequent, and more destructive. As an environmentalist, one can get angry at politicians who refuse to believe in climate change. As one who believes this is a predictable cycle of nature, one can get angry at the “tree huggers” for leading the charge with “the sky is falling!” Earthquakes? Environmentalists are angry with the oil and gas industry for fracking and causing instability beneath the earths crust. Others are angry at such rhetoric saying the earth’s crust moves…deal with it. Mass shootings? The NRA will give you their guns when you pry them out of their cold, dead fingers as Charlton Heston so eloquently put it. Gun control advocates are angry that this just keeps happening over and over and over and nothing ever changes.

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The common denominator in all of this is anger. Righteous indignation. Me against them. No one ever resolves conflict with increased conflict. The divisive nature prevalent in today’s world does nothing to diffuse anger. As a matter of fact, it seems its only point is to produce more anger and conflict. This is the work of the enemy. This is where my faith comes in. This battle has been fought for centuries and my personal belief is…the good guy wins in the end. My personal belief is…that which lives within me is more powerful than that which lives in the world. Lashing out at Mr. FixIt because I’m harboring anger over world events is counterproductive. So, how do I resolve that inner conflict? Through compassion.

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How do we live out the compassion of Christ in such a dark time in this world? Turning to the Master Teacher, we can cry out for Him to teach us compassion. We can read about the ways Christ showed compassion to others…even his enemies. He touched those who were sick. Even the outcast…the untouchables with leprosy. He sought them out and ministered to them and healed them with just a touch. Race, religion, social or economic status…nothing kept Christ from touching the lives of others with love and tenderness. We can read about Jesus’ tears for the fallen. How He wept for those who refused to hear His teachings. How he asked His Heavenly Father to forgive those who crucified Him for they knew not what they were doing. That in and of itself is the ultimate display of compassion. The motivation behind all of Christ’s teachings throughout the New Testament is love and compassion.

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So, how do you show compassion for someone who stands in a hotel room on the 32nd floor of a busy hotel and calmly executes 59 innocent people, wounds nearly 500, and changes the lives of thousand more…forever? For me, it comes from the realization that one does not do something like that unless they are not in their right mind. There is such evil in the world. Satan whispers into the lives and hearts of vulnerable people and leads them to do unimaginable, unspeakable things. My response is to pour out more love…to try to tip the scales of the world toward goodness and light. Not with a Pollyannaesque naïveté, but with the pure, genuine love and compassion expemplified by Jesus.

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It’s a scary world. I saw Mr. FixIt’s first little greatgrandchild this week. I held this tiny, perfect little human in my hands and prayed hard that God would keep her safe in this great big place. It hits hard when a new life is placed in your hands. In the end, the left wing and the right wing belong to the same bird. We really are in this together. There is one race…the human race…and if we want to keep going, we are going to have to find a way to come together, to get along.

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Ok, we went to church there…but, in my humble opinion…this world needs more light. For me, it is through Christ, who strengthens me. For others, it may be different. But by whatever means available, the answer to everything is love and compassion. ❤️

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“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”\n‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:12-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-10-06T01:30:53-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/06/losing-your-sense-of-direction.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/09/25/tethered-to-god.html", "title": "Tethered to God", "content_html": "\"Dock\n

A ship that slips its moorings is quickly swept to sea. At the mercy of the wind and the waves, it may sink to the briny depths, never to be seen again. Our relationship with God is much the same way. If we remain tethered to Him, we can weather any storm, but…let go and all bets are off. HE never lets go of us. It is always the other way around.

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Mr. FixIt and I have been attending the 5:00pm service at our church. It gives us all day on Sunday to enjoy the farm, then head to town about 4:00. He bowls on Sundays at 7:00 so it works out to be a good time for us. Last night’s sermon was on the detours life gives us. There are two types of detours. The kind we take ourselves on when we become untethered from God and the kind God takes us on.

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We are so egocentric, we think God is punishing us if we can see what He intends to give us, but he takes us the long way around instead. These trials weren’t necessarily orchestrated by God. He has a much bigger world view than we do. His grand view takes us through these trials so that we CAN have the reward He has in mind for us…even if it’s not delivered in this world. Our job is to hang on and remain tethered to Him. He is our anchor.

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We all have trials in this world. God uses those trials. Not as punishment. But as a way to hone us into the person He intends us to be. Suffering produces perseverance. Perseverance, character. And character, hope.

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I have a speaking engagement this evening at a local church. I’m really looking forward to that and always pray God brings me every opportunity to praise Him and share with others how He has blessed me.

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Have a Happy Monday! ❤️

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“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”\n‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:1-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-09-25T01:55:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/09/25/tethered-to-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/09/22/when-things-dont-go-as.html", "title": "When Things Don't Go As Planned", "content_html": "\"Old\n

The first two of our three day getaway was perfect. The weather was moderate. We hiked, fished, lazed around, read, cooked, and sat out long after dark watching the boats go up and down the river. We had to go into town Wednesday to salvage some doors, windows, and light fixtures out of a structure that’s being torn down today. It was hot, dirty work and by 2:00, we were done. We ran some errands then headed to a restaurant for lunch. We’ve eaten salads there before but I was hungry so I ordered a chicken salad wrap and fries. We left to head back up to the river to the campground and within 10 minutes, I was sick as a dog. The thing that scared me was my heart was doing weird things and I felt faint. Mr. FixIt took me to the hospital. They kept me overnight for observation and did a ton of tests. They finally decided they thought I had food poisoning. I got home from the hospital yesterday and unhooked the camper and went to bed.

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There comes a point when you have to realize…even though you may FEEL 24…when you’re 64…you ARE 64! That’s not “old” by any stretch of the imagination. But for the first time in a long time…I feel my age. I have to slow down just a little bit. Not enough to stop. But enough to take care of myself.

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Not the way I wanted my little getaway to go. But I need to listen to my body and not keep pushing so hard. Today, I mattress surf! ❤️

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“Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”\n‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:19-20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-09-22T01:55:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/09/22/when-things-dont-go-as.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/09/14/he-will-cover-you-with.html", "title": "He Will Cover You With His Feathers", "content_html": "\"Wings\n

It’s hard to believe exactly four-and-a-half years ago, I was preparing a funeral for a man I never dreamed of losing. Mr. Virgo was gone in a heartbeat, literally, and I was left to make some sense and order out of the chaos left behind. Looking back on it with today’s vision, I can see so many things I would have done differently. I don’t think I made huge mistakes, but I think if I would have known then what I know now, there are definitely things I would have done differently.

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I hosted the Sisters on the Fly event over the weekend and there were a couple fairly new widows there. They did well, enjoyed themselves, and were very capable campers. I could see through all that to the pain that lay beneath the surface. I recognized them…I was there not all that long ago myself.

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A couple of years ago, I was contacted by a writer and published author of many books on women and finance. She was writing an article for the New York Times on widowhood and retirement and asked if she could interview me. We have stayed in touch over the last couple of years and she has followed my blog. Recently I heard from her again. She had been asked by Fidelity to write an article about widowhood and investing and immediately thought of me. We spoke again and I shared those things I felt I did right, and those I could have…should have…done differently.

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The article for Fidelity’s “Viewpoints” online magazine went live yesterday and I am sharing it with you here. From the beginning, this blog was meant not only as a way to share and heal my own grief, but also to serve as a place to learn, grow, and experience support if you are grieving, and preparation if you aren’t. Knowledge is power and grief makes you feel totally powerless. I wish I would have had a grief mentor in my early stages of loss. I try to be that person for others. If it weren’t for God covering me with His feathers to guide, guard, and protect me, I never would have survived such a loss.

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And now, here I am nearly five years after losing Mr. Virgo and I not only have survived, I am thriving. New life, new love, new experiences. I never would have dreamed this was possible. Today I leave for the Country Living Fair in Columbus, Ohio. Please stop by for a visit if you are in the area! ❤️

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https://www.fidelity.com/viewpoints/personal-finance/8-financial-tips-for-widows

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“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭91:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-09-14T01:55:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/09/14/he-will-cover-you-with.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Wisdom","Girl Campers","Country Living Fair"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/09/01/words.html", "title": "Words", "content_html": "\"\"\n

I have seldom been at a loss for words. My mom always said I had “the gift of gab”. I was always a little insulted by that because I was sure she was saying “You talk too much!” Ok…I’ll have to admit…I do have a lot to say. About everything.

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Some of my very best writing has come from my very deepest pain. As difficult as it was to go through, that kind of writing is actually a whole lot easier than writing from a place of joy. Of peace. Of love. Writing from pain is cathartic. It releases energy and the words have a life of their own. Someone told me I had “lost my focus” a little while after I introduced Mr. FixIt to the story. That has niggled at me ever since. She’s right…in a way. But not in the way she thinks.

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Here’s the thing. I was driving to the farm last night after spending a lovely day in town. I am putting some finishing touches on the event I am hosting next week for the Sisters on the Fly. Between that, the trip to Colorado, the trailer breaking down, the return trip to get it, catching up with stuff around the farm, the Centennial Celebration at my high school, and nurturing a new love relationship…I haven’t been keeping my focus where it belongs. Not on grief, but on God. I was driving along that twisty turny two lane and started talking to Him. Then I realized…I hadn’t been keeping Him at the center of my life for a little while. I took my focus off for just a moment and that led me down a path I don’t like. Peter was walking on water toward Jesus when he took his eyes off Him…and sank immediately.

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I had a long discussion with God…it’s a forty-five minute ride, you know. I made my apologies and I’ll try to do better. Because everything is better when I keep God at the center of my life. My relationships. My writing. My life. It has to be more than just lip service, this profession of faith. Keeping that fire in my belly keeps me from drowning…and keeps my words flowing. ❤️

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““Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.””\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭14:28-33‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Photo Credit: Shutterstock

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We had a guest speaker at church yesterday and man…did he deliver! So here we go…it’s time for some Monday Morning Motivation. We’re going to church.

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Forgiveness. Such a simple word that is packed full of power. We all need forgiveness for something. Something we’ve done that has hurt others. Hurt ourselves. Or maybe, something we did in the dark that no one knows about. Thing is….someone knows. Someone always knows. You know. And God knows.

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“would not God discover this? For he knows the secrets of the heart.”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭44:21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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Our guest pastor was Pace Hartfield of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. He tells a story of the first night his father let him drive his mother’s brand new car when he turned sixteen. There was just one caveat…he was not to leave town. So, of course, he left town. And had an accident. He had hoped to leave his dad in the dark, cruise 22nd Street with his homey, Andy, and get back with his dad none the wiser. But the deed was exposed. There was the damage to the car. And the police report. There was no way around it. Pace’s dad didn’t yell at him. He didn’t beat him. He grounded him. He also informed him he had lost his father’s trust. He would have preferred the beating, I am sure.

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How many time have we lost the trust of others by our deeds? How many others have trespassed against us and we have lost our trust in them? As Pace pointed out so eloquently, forgiveness requires exposure. And that exposure creates vulnerability. Oh, we hate feeling vulnerable, don’t we? We can get stuck in that exposure and vulnerability and feel shame without forgiveness. It is the forgiveness that sets us free. That frees others. Who have you literally held hostage for years by not forgiving them?

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The guest pastor spoke of the woman who was caught in the act of adultery. The religious leaders tried to set Jesus up by bringing the woman before him in the temple where he was teaching. They were loud and raucous and challenged Jesus to do something with her. Instead, he ignored them and stopped down to write in the sand. The leaders were outraged and became even louder. Jesus quietly stood up and said, “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.” He then went back to writing in the sand. One by one, the leaders left without stoning the woman till they were left alone in the temple. Jesus knew what she had done. But he loved her anyway. He did not condone what she had done, and instead offered her forgiveness and sent her on her way with the admonishment to “Go and sin no more.”

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We all sin. We all make mistakes. We feel guilt and shame. But we are forgiven and we are loved. Forgiveness sets us free from the bondage we place on ourselves, on others, by others. I often quote Maya Angelou…“We do what we know and when we know better, we do better.” Well, sometimes we know better and we do it anyway. Yet, still…we are loved and forgiven by a good, good Father. Our work here is to love and forgive in the same way. ❤️

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“The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭15:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-08-28T01:55:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/08/28/forgiveness.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/24/give-thanks.html", "title": "Give Thanks", "content_html": "

\"Give “Give Thanks”

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I have more to be grateful for than I could possibly recount here, but I’ll list a few.

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LOVE - I am grateful for the deep love I have in my life. Those closest to me are my rocks and I can never adequately thank them for all they do for me. To give love is divine. To be given love in return is a precious gift I will never take for granted.

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SHELTER - While I have my camper TOW-Wanda that I’ve lived in most of the last two years, I am especially grateful to be given the opportunity to live on and take care of the family farm. The home of my heart…my uncle understands this is my healing place. A place where I am closer to those who have gone on before me. Another generous gift I’ll not take for granted.

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WORDS - I have the joy of writing an essay every single day. Even though now it is more like an obsession, really. I cannot imagine not writing…even for a day. It’s as automatic as breathing and brushing my teeth. And, as a result of my writing, I have all you good people to interact with on a daily basis and I love you all. Your support far outweighs any efforts I put into this and I am deeply grateful for this blog.

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MR. VIRGO - Three weeks before he died, we actually had a discussion about death and what we would want when the time comes. I remember telling him that if he died the next day, it would be a tragedy…but if I would have had him for one day, my life was surely richer for it. I am grateful we told each other often how much we loved each other. There are no regrets…only warm memories of having had a wonderful man in my life.

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MUSIC - My world started getting color and sound back in it about two years after losing Mr. Virgo. I am grateful for the opportunities to go listen to live music with my friends. I am grateful for a Bluetooth speaker so I can fill my house with music.

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And, last but certainly not least…

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GOD and my CHURCH - I wouldn’t even HAVE a life if it wasn’t for the Grace of God. And my life is enriched by Pastor Justin and my Church family at The Warehouse Church. They bless me every day and help guide me through my spiritual journey.

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I am thankful for so many things. My life is beautiful and sweet and peaceful. I am spending this holiday with my West Virginia family…those wonderful people who hold such special places in my heart. May you all celebrate Thanksgiving with loving kindness and gratitude. ❤️

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“I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭9:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2016-11-24T02:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/24/give-thanks.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/22/fill-er-up.html", "title": "Fill 'er Up", "content_html": "

\"Woman “Get your tank filled.”

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Borrowing from part of Sunday’s sermon, I’m going to run with this. I took the Ford in to get the oil changed and new brakes and asked them to check the engine. It had been running a little rough, I thought. After carefully checking it over, they determined I probably got a bad batch of gas and it would work itself out. I usually buy the lowest grade unless I’m towing my camper. That’s when I put high test in it…when I need to make sure it runs well and has the most energy.

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Our bodies are like that F-150 engine. If we put crappy food in it, it isn’t going to perform at its best. You’ll be sluggish. The better your food intake, the more you can accomplish in your life.

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We need to feed our spirits in the same way. If you don’t feed your soul with “happy”, you can’t possibly reflect that back into the world. That doesn’t mean all sadness can be rectified with a big dose of happy…it can’t. But, you can ask my daughters. The first trip out after Mr. Virgo died…even before the funeral…I made them take me to Target and I bought every funny movie I could find in the $5 bin because I knew I was going to need that. We went home, popped popcorn, and had a comedy marathon. It helped tremendously to bring some normalcy into a distinctly abnormal, tragic situation.

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Just like using a computer, “garbage in, garbage out” is relevant in so many areas of our lives. But we have to make choices. I know it’s not as simple as that, but putting joyful things in front of you goes a long way to helping lighten the load of grief. ❤️

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“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”   James‬ ‭1:2-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬
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\n", "date_published": "2016-11-22T02:30:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/22/fill-er-up.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/21/the-nest.html", "title": "The Nest", "content_html": "

\"Bird’s “A bird’s nest from the farm.”

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One late fall day, I was walking down the long drive to get the mail and paper when I noticed an abandoned nest in the ditch. I’m not familiar enough to know what kind of bird made it although it is lined with mud. I know swallows do that. I picked up the little nest and sat it on the end of the old wooden ironing board I use as a perch for the cats and there it sat. That is, until I “decorated” for the holidays. I thought it looked better sitting beside the old hunting boots I found in a barrel downstairs.

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One of the joys of living out on the farm is the vast number and variety of birds here. I could hardly wait to put out bird feeders. I have them situated so I can see them from the rocking chair in the front window. They remind me of a verse in the Bible that tells us not to worry about getting the things we need because if God provides for the sparrow, he will certainly provide for us. Everything a bird needs is found in nature. Our added efforts to draw them in with extra food only baits them for our viewing pleasure. But, even though God gives the worm, he doesn’t provide room service. The birds still have to get out every day and forage for sustenance. They have to work for their blessings…they just don’t worry about it. Good advice.

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God has buckets of blessings with our name on them. They are the blessings HE wants for us…not our selfish requests. HE wants to prosper us, but on HIS terms…not ours. I can’t just sit here in the rocking chair and wait for UPS to hand deliver my blessings. I have to suit up and show up. I have to prepare myself through prayer and meditation. I have to treat my body like the temple it is with proper food and activity. I have to maintain my health. For me, personally…I have to be in the Word every day. I have to practice all three parts of Matthew 7:7…ask, seek, and knock. The action words. When I “ask”, I ask for the blessings HE wants to give me. When I “seek”, I ask how I can best serve HIM, not the other way around. And when I “knock”, I beg God to open the door to His heart and shower me with the abundance HE has in mind. That is how I “work for my supper”. He feeds my spirit AND my life.

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So, just as the bird must work for the blessing of food, so do I. I am grateful for the beauty…and the bounty…in my life. ❤️

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“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”    ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:26‬ ‭NIV‬‬
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\n", "date_published": "2016-11-21T02:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/21/the-nest.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/09/26/the-jabez-appointment.html", "title": "The Jabez Appointment", "content_html": "\n
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I've talked to you a little bit about the Prayer of Jabez and how those two little scriptures have impacted my life in a big way. I read that little book every week and there's something in it I've begun to do recently...with amazing results.

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Bruce Wilkinson talks about events he calls \"Jabez appointments\". Part of asking for expanded territory is asking God to bring someone to him that he needs to talk with and share some light. Wilkinson recounts in story after story, tales of being in the right place at just the right moment. Since the rest of the prayer has been working so well, I decided to try getting some appointments of my own.

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The first time I tried calling in a Jabez appointment was in the spring. I went to the mall and said a prayer before I entered. I told God if there was someone who really needed me to talk with them, place them in my path and I would do my best to help them. I walked around and around that mall and was finally drawn into a store. The first person I met was the owner and within a minute I knew this was my appointment. I was totally amazed, not only by the fact it happened, but also by the fact I seemed to know exactly what to say to help this person, even though I did not know anything about him.

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When I went camping this weekend, I made that same request of God...\"If there's someone who needs You and I can help, cross our paths.\" It wasn't long till I walked right into my Jabez appointment. I won't divulge her identity or compromise her anonymity. Let's just say, I had personal experience with something that was affecting her deeply and our conversation was validating to her. Besides the obvious benefits of that, it deepened our friendship and I came away feeling deeply touched by the Holy Spirit.

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I don't tell you this to preach. I tell you this to share. I was telling someone this weekend, there is very little in my life that has been off limits to this blog and my faith has certainly played a big role in helping me get through the last three and a half years. If it helps you too, then the blessing is increased. I'm reminded occasionally to thank you all for being here and reading my daily essays. It means more to me than you can ever know and I love every single one of you!

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❤️

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“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

\n‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭40:31‬ ‭NIV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-09-26T01:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/09/26/the-jabez-appointment.html", "tags": ["Faith","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/09/06/the-bottom-line.html", "title": "The Bottom Line", "content_html": "\n
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Ok, I'm preaching a little today, so if this isn't your thing, come back tomorrow. This one just had to get air time. Every other Sunday, I attend Pub Church...a come as you are gathering in the back room of a local micro brewery. After ordering food and libations, we are led by a pastor in prayer. Then he presents a topic for discussion and opens to the room. This past Sunday we discussed Luke 14: 25-35 where Jesus tells his fellow dinner guests that if they do not hate their parents, their families, themselves...they can't be disciples. This is a confusing parable, to say the least. Especially since one of God's own commandments is to honor your parents. Since God doesn't contradict himself, we are forced to look further into the message Jesus is trying to convey. Does He really want you to hate your parents? Of course not. He's using hyperbole to get the guests' attention and make a point. In order to follow Him...TRULY follow Him...you can't put any love higher than the love you have for Him.

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I have been re-reading Pastor Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life. He repeatedly drives home the point that you cannot serve two masters and your love for God must be first and foremost in your heart and mind. God wants you to be in an intimate relationship with Him.

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Love.

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Over and over, I've been reading about the transformational effects of love. We love our families. Our parents comprised our entire universe in our formative years. Our siblings and cousins were our first friends. And, is there anything more intense than falling in love...whether you're a star struck teen or in your third trimester of life, falling and being in love is an intense experience. God wants us to love him with that same fervor.

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Love.

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It's the bottom line. The lowest common denominator. Love has singlehandedly supported the music industry for centuries. Music is all about love, whether gaining or losing it. Art, theater, photography...even sports. It's all about love. Love raises your vibration thus raising the vibration of those around you, of your community, village, country, world...the universe.

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Love. It's good for what ails you. It's good for what ails the world. Practice loving...from the lowest to the highest.

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❤️

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“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”‭‭

\n1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-09-06T01:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/09/06/the-bottom-line.html", "tags": ["Faith","Love","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/04/12/the-other-half-of-the.html", "title": "The Other Half of the Story", "content_html": "\n
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So, I only told you the first half of the story of running into my old friend, Pastor Jim, at the Kroger store a couple weeks ago. I told you I was wandering the aisles when he popped into my mind...a face and name I hadn't seen nor heard of in almost 45 years. Then, when I went into the mysteriously short checkout line...there he was!

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Well, we vowed to not lose touch. I gave him my business card and told him to look me up on Facebook. Later in the evening, Jim sent me a text with his cell number and asked me to contact him. I called and after catching me up on his life, I dove into my story. I ended with Marshmallow Ranch and how God put it on my heart a year ago to write scripture at the bottom of each post. I told him I pray over my keyboard, asking God to bring me the words He wants me to say, the people who need the message, and to please make my writing lucrative. Jim preached to me for a little bit about Matthew 7:7 and about ASK, SEEK, and KNOCK being active words. We need to do all three. I felt something open in my heart...a window? A door? Whatever it was, love, power, and understanding rushed in.

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This is the part I didn't tell you. Our conversation ended pretty shortly after Jim's impromptu mini-sermon and I set about praying. I said my usual prayer. I ASKED. But, then I SOUGHT. I looked for God to tell me how I could better serve him. What did he need from me to make this happen? And, I knocked on the door to His heart so He could open it up and shower me with His blessings. I spent about thirty minutes in prayer. Then...

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My phone \"dinged\", signaling there was a message...sent through Marshmallow Ranch.

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\"Hi! My name is Italia...\"

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My soon-to-be agent was texting me, introducing herself. Wow! The timing was not lost on me. It couldn't have been any more glaringly obvious who orchestrated this.

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God is good...all the time!

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❤️

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“The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.”

\nNumbers 6:24-26 KJV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-04-12T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/04/12/the-other-half-of-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/04/03/direction.html", "title": "Direction", "content_html": "\n
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It doesn't matter what you call it...fate, kismet, destiny, serendipity, divine intervention...it's real. It's when something happens at exactly the right time in exactly the right way it needed to in order for the outcome to occur. It happens to everyone, all the time. You just may not be in tune with it.

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My lifestyle is such that I have the freedom currently to do pretty much whatever I want, when I want. I have few deadlines. I have no real schedule to speak of. On a typical day, I wake up and meditate and converse with God. Then I check in here and my personal FB page. I check the news and weather. I glance at emails. I read. I allow two hours for this nebulous journey then I get up, put on my coffee. After that...it's anybody's guess where I'll end up. I train, have lunch, run errands, do chores, write, research, prep meals, and have dinner...with friends or alone. It's a simple life and allows much more clarity than I have ever experienced in my life. It's like living in a foreign land where everything is beautifully outlined in light. I notice things more. I feel and sense more. And God absolutely drops everything I need in my lap. He's been pretty generous with the things I want as well.

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Yesterday, I was walking through the Kroger store. I walked past the meat aisle and laughed at a memory. John Shepherd was the general manager of the Kroger my mom always shopped in. My boyfriend (who later became my first husband) also worked there. I remembered a story about John eating a steak on Good Friday and saying \"You're a fish! You're a fish!\" as he cut it up. This led me to try to remember the others who worked there at the time, one of whom was Jim Wilson. I loved Jim. He was a Pastor and worked at the store, in produce, I believe. My boyfriend and I attended his church a couple of times. I knew John died many years ago, but I hadn't heard a thing about Jim since 1973.

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I turned away from my reverie and finished gathering my groceries. The lines were long and I chose one. After waiting several minutes, I remembered something I needed and went off in search of it. When I came back, all the lines were long except one. I piled my items on the belt as the clerk assisted the couple in front of me. When it was my turn, I stepped up and started rummaging around in my purse for my wallet. The clerk asked how my day was going and I replied, still looking in my purse. \"It was busy...but great!\" I found my wallet and looked up at the clerk for the first time.

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It was Jim!

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My knees actually wobbled. My jaw dropped. I knew it was him...but I didn't want to come across all creepy so I asked,

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\"Aren't you Jim?\"

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\"Yes.\"

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\"You were a Pastor?\"

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\"Still am!\"

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I introduced myself and after a while, I had to apologize profusely to the people in line behind me for keeping them waiting. Jim and I quickly exchanged info so we wouldn't lose track again. Later in the evening, we had an hour long conversation.

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God is the perfect orchestrator of all things. I never question anymore. There's a reason we were brought back in contact. I think it was for something Jim was about to discuss with me. We were talking about my writing and how it has developed a following over the last few years. I told him how I pray over my keyboard for the right words and for the people who need to hear them. Then, I half apologetically told him I ask God to provide for me financially through my writing. Jim went on to talk about Matthew 7:7 \"Ask and it will be given...\" He pointed out there are two other parts to that. \"Seek...\" and \"Knock...\" All action words. We aren't told to ask and then sit back and wait for the silver platter. So, I ask God...then I seek God...then I knock on the door of His heart. And He blesses me.

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What a beautiful life this is!

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❤️

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““Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

\nMatthew 7:7-8 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-04-03T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/04/03/direction.html", "tags": ["Faith","Be Joyful!","Kindness","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/09/is-your-church-dying.html", "title": "Is Your Church Dying?", "content_html": "\n
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I like to go to different churches. I attended a church in the small town I lived in the last 14 years I lived in Colorado. I have another one on the outskirts of Denver where I attend when I am visiting the kids. There's my grandma's little one room church that I have attended several times since coming to West Virginia in October 2014. I went to one church here where they spoke in tongues, which was interesting from a sociological standpoint but did nothing for me faith wise. I've attended a Baptist church many times and, while it is more contemporary with a praise team, it is not nearly the same as that Denver church that I love.

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A couple friends on Facebook have posted things about a local church that has really come alive and I've been meaning to check it out. This past Sunday, I thought I was going to my usual church when, just two blocks before it, I got this big nudge with the reminder of the other church so I drove on past. And I have to say...it had that same alive feeling the Denver church had.

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There was a lovely lady seated beside me and she told me she had recently started coming to this church because hers was dying. She said at the most they would have 40 people on a Sunday...and no children. This church was growing. They had almost doubled in a year. They were campaigning to buy more chairs. My grandma's church has 14 on a REALLY good day.

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So, why are some churches thriving and others are dying on the vine? Well, I don't know numbers and I have nothing scientific to base this on, but I would say if a church isn't jam packed with young people, it's not going to be around forever. The churches being led by millennials to thirty-somethings have come to realize, they have to think the way adolescents do. They have to speak in a language adolescents are going to understand. If you are lucky enough to find one of these churches, go! They feel so good inside. They're on fire! If your church is dying, take a delegation and go on a field trip to a big church with lots of kids. See what they're doing and how they're doing it.

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It was pretty awesome.

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❤️

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“not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

\nHebrews 10:25 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-09T02:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/09/is-your-church-dying.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/01/wwjd.html", "title": "WWJD", "content_html": "\n
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Last night was \"Pub Church\". There is an increasing interest in alternatives to the traditional churches of today. Many have become disenchanted with formal churches and the strong religious rhetoric involved yet they still yearn for a connection of faith. I know from personal experience how the preaching of \"hellfire and brimstone\" sent me fleeing the church at the tender age of seven. We are a diverse group. For some, this is their only exposure to religion. But for most, myself included, it is an adjunct to regular church attendance and offers a more informal venue for discussion and debate.

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Our topic last night was evangelism and how do you do that without turning people off entirely. We came back to the acronym...WWJD. Jesus beckoned others to follow Him. He didn't condemn them. He didn't hand people a laundry list of accusations delineating their sins. He loved them. He invited others to join Him and live a Godly life. He taught them. He showered his Grace upon them. We can evangelize without shoving it down the throats of others. We can live exemplary lives. We can emulate Christ's love in the world and get a lot further, I think.

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It was a lovely ending to a lovely weekend. The temperature got up to 66 yesterday and I found myself wandering outside frequently to soak up some sun. Winter is not nearly so difficult to take when you have a weekend like this one every once in awhile to break up the dreariness of snow and cold. And now...here it is...February!!!

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❤️

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“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.””

\nMatthew 18:20 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-01T02:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/01/wwjd.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/01/30/are-you-rich-or-are.html", "title": "Are you Rich or Are you Wealthy?", "content_html": "\n
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I have lived a lot of lives. I grew up with just enough. A pound of hamburger fed four people. The garden out back gave us the rest. We wore hand-me-downs and were tickled to death with the cast off toys of other kids. We were clean, neat, and used our best manners. A lot of what we had was provided by the kindness of others though I was not aware of that at the time. I never felt poor.

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I married young. We didn't have much. We did our best. We had a baby. The marriage didn't work. I lived in HUD housing. I got Food Stamps and WIC. I was pretty poor by all definitions. I lived in an unsafe neighborhood. I had to watch my baby like a hawk. I took what work I could find. I was grateful for the help. Yet I still never really felt poor. Slowly, I moved up the food chain.

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I married a medical student. We worked hard. We created a life. A life that ever so slowly became more and more affluent. I forgot what it was like to be poor. I was haughty in my richness. I took it for granted. I thought I would always be a domestic goddess. It didn't turn out that way.

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I slipped down the ladder several rungs. It was good for me. It opened my eyes to more important things. Like God. And faith. And hope. And love.

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I met Mr. Virgo. He had nothing but a suitcase and some pots and pans. But he had God. And he had a spirit the size of Texas. He had a smile that was brighter than the sun. He had a hug that assured me he would lay his life down for mine. He had blue eyes that captured the stars like diamonds and fed my soul with them. He had stories that carried me to far distant lands to vistas the likes of which I had only seen in books. He had a heart that was solid gold which he gladly presented to me...every single day...on a blue velvet pillow. He had a laugh that sent tears down my cheeks till I couldn't catch my breath. He had a touch that was so gentle it knitted up all my wounded places. He gave me uncountable, unprecedented, unfathomable gifts.

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And then he was gone.

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But...he left a certain truth about the huge difference between the riches of money and the wealth of love.

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If the time should ever come that I have spent my very last dime, you may rest assured of this..........my darling Mr. Virgo has left me very wealthy in my heart.

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❤️

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“For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.”

\n1 Timothy 6:10 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-01-30T02:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/01/30/are-you-rich-or-are.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Growth","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/27/bright-spots.html", "title": "Bright Spots", "content_html": "\n
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In the days following a holiday as festive as Christmas and nights as long, dark, and cold as January, it is difficult to find the bright spots and maintain an upbeat attitude. My heart says hibernate till spring but my head says GET UP, GET UP...GET UP!

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We have a large group family outing scheduled today that I'm really looking forward to. I haven't said anything all week, but I was sick as a dog from Tuesday when I came down with a cold till Friday when I got enough cold medicine in me to get me sitting up and taking nourishment. Couldn't miss Christmas! I'm still pretty darned tired but improving daily.

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I have some people who need some prayers so I'm going to start a prayer chain in my Sunday posts.

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There's a little boy named Caysen in Columbus who is really struggling. He was born with a heart defect and had surgery but is much, much sicker than they anticipated. Please pray they find out how to address his medical issues and he is healed.

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A friend from high school lost her mom when she passed in her sleep on the 23rd. The funeral is Monday. Please pray for their support and comfort in the coming days and beyond.

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Another friend from high school had a heart attack last week as well as pneumonia. Please pray for healing.

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Another friend from high school is suffering from cancer and COPD. Please pray for comfort and healing.

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Another friend totaled her car yesterday and miraculously was not injured. Pray she remains without injury symptoms and there is a rapid settlement.

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Please feel free to add your own prayer requests below. Together we are stronger.

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❤️

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“Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.”

\nPsalm 30:2 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-27T02:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/27/bright-spots.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","New Ideas","Gratitude"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/25/away-in-a-manger.html", "title": "Away in a Manger", "content_html": "\n
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I know I've always said I won't be preachy here at The Ranch. And I'm not now. But...it's Christmas, so we're going to talk about the Christmas story today so please indulge me this moment.

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I don't know why, but this year the Christmas story has had greater impact on me than ever before. I was fortunate to hear some really good sermons this season. I'm sure that has something to do with it. But more likely, it's because I have been tuned into the Bible by adding Scripture to illustrate each post since January. That has kept me in the Word every day for nearly a year. I'm becoming better versed as to where to find what book, how to use a contemporary compendium, and how to reach a stillness inside to allow the Holy Spirit to work in me.

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To me, the Bible houses a living, powerful force. It's almost as though it is a living, breathing organism. And it speaks to me from my current level of experience. I have had people say they have read a particular verse a hundred times and then, when it's used in a different context, it becomes contemporary and speaks to them. When I am experiencing difficulties, or when I have a question, I can literally hold my question in my heart, open my Bible to any given chapter and verse, and quite often the answer is right under my fingertips. This is not only remarkable given how long ago the Bible was written, it's also delightful. It's reassuring to know we can have quite literal conversations with God. I am a scientist at heart. I need empirical evidence. When I feel, see, and hear the Holy Spirit moving in my life, that's all the evidence I need.

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But, back to the Christmas story. The Christ child was born in a stable, wrapped in what was probably not much more than rags, and placed in a manger. This is not a sterile hospital environment. This is not a place where we would be comfortable laying our own newborn to sleep. There were animals in there with them. Dirty, smelly farm animals. This was really nothing more than a place that offered some shelter from the elements. And angels came down from Heaven to proclaim the birth of the Messiah. To whom? The Priests? The Kings? The wealthy socialites? No, the angels came down to shepherds. These were not ranchers. These were not wealthy land owners tending their flocks. These were a rag tag bunch of social outcasts doing a dirty, difficult job that no one else wanted to do. These were the lowliest of manual laborers. These men weren't even allowed to stand in the synagogues. They were forced to stand out in the courtyard, if they were allowed in at all.

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So why, when for centuries the Jews were expecting the Messiah to come with trumpet blasts into the highest of their social and religious hierarchy, did God choose to send His only Son in the form of a poverty stricken, vulnerable infant, placing Him in the dirtiest of environments, then send angels to announce it to the lowliest of society? Is it any wonder the Jewish people could not accept Christ as the true Messiah? They had been living this much anticipated event over and over in their minds till it was fantastical. Have you ever planned a fabulous vacation then been bitterly disappointed when you got there and it wasn't anything like you imagined it? Well, multiply that by a zillion and you'll come close to what the populace was expecting. It sure wasn't what they got.

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As it turns out, it was so much more. The Christ child was introduced in the basest of fashions so we could relate. Who did Jesus hang out with? Who did he minister to? It was workers, and fishermen, and thieves, and prostitutes. Tax collectors and shepherds. The lame, the blind, the lepers, the demon possessed. These were the lowly ones. The simple ones. The poor ones. They were far more apt to hear His message. They needed saving. They recognized they NEEDED salvation because they had nothing. They had no wealthy benefactor looking out for them. And thus, a movement was born that ripped the world apart and opened the hearts of man. He came to live with us and offer salvation. Not in a chariot. Not with a trumpet fanfare. But with barnyard animals lowing all around him and with an unwed virgin for a mom. For me. And for you. Wow.

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So, my wishes for you this Christmas are..... That your dreams come true. That you find joy in the simplest of things this day. And...that you find Peace.

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❤️

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“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

\nIsaiah 9:6 NIV\n
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Photo Credit: mymerrychristmas.com

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-25T02:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/25/away-in-a-manger.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","God","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/11/30/god-moments.html", "title": "God Moments", "content_html": "\n
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I've had more God moments since Mr. Virgo died than I've ever had in my life. Well, that I've ever RECOGNIZED in my life. I was sitting in church yesterday, enjoying the Christmas carols, watching 30 or so sweet little children singing along. My mind wandered to my post yesterday and thinking about new beginnings...new traditions. It isn't easy to let go of so much at once like you and I have done. We want to hang on to everything. And maybe that works for some. We all grieve in our own ways. For me, if I try to keep and do everything the same, it only seems to accentuate the missing link...my sweet man. I don't want to change everything. I just want a little breathing room from the sadness that runs like the annoying background hum of an aging refrigerator. You can never get away from it if you focus on the sound.

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These were the thoughts racing through my head as I began to settle in and pay attention. At the end of the musical worship, the lights dimmed and two members of the congregation came out and performed a skit. A young man was on the phone apologizing to his wife that he's not going to make it home for Christmas. The airport was closed due to weather. In walked an older woman and he told her all the flights were cancelled. She sat down and told him she's on her way to her son's in Tampa. She used to make this trip with her husband but she lost him this year. Her first Christmas without him. Tears stung my eyes. Not so much from the pain of losing Mr. Virgo, but more because of the sweet way the Holy Spirit comes and sits with me and whispers to my heart, \"You're not alone.\"

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The young man put his hand over hers, offered her his condolences and said, \"You're not alone.\"

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I smiled.

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I love when this happens. It's so comforting. Because...I'm NOT alone. I'll never, ever be truly alone again.

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❤️

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“The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life.”

\nJob 33:4 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-11-30T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/11/30/god-moments.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/11/15/worry.html", "title": "Worry", "content_html": "\n
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These are difficult times. Horrific events are hitting us from every angle...both foreign and domestic. Wars, terrorism, famine, natural disaster...it's difficult to escape images and stories splashed across our TVs and news feeds. Our hearts are broken with each tragedy and we reach across the miles to our brothers and sisters. Today, we are Parisian in solidarity. Tomorrow? Who knows?

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When the events of 9/11 unfolded, I was in the throes of heartbreak over the end of my second marriage. I was actively grieving, making each terrifying image cut even deeper into the chasm where my heart used to live. I wasn't sure how to process what was happening and my brain was shorting out from the months of sadness it had already endured. I struggled from the combination of traumatic stress, grief, and terrorism.

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Post 9/11 brought a decade of research and evaluation of the short and long term effects of terrorism and a number of studies were published. The American Psychological Association published this excellent article on the topic.

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If you are grieving already, something like the terror in Paris this week can quickly send you into emotional overload. Gone are those strong arms that comforted us in troubling times. Don't forget to take special care of yourself in the coming days. Unplug and give yourself a break from the media coverage. Your reactions are more than likely quite normal...but adding excess worry to an already full plate isn't healthy. If you need to, ask your doctor or seek the help of a trained mental health provider. There is no shame in that.

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I hand my worries over to God. He carries them for me. When the going gets tough, He is my shield.

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❤️???❤️

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“Everyone will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. Stand firm, and you will win life.”

\nLuke 21:17-19 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-11-15T02:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/11/15/worry.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/29/change.html", "title": "Change", "content_html": "\n
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There is only one guarantee in life... that it will change. Sometimes on a dime. Sometimes you have no idea what prompted the changes...in circumstances, in relationships, in the world. Other times you have a pretty good understanding but are still powerless to stop it.

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I have had a difficult time with change this week. Halloween is coming. Halloween has always been a very special time for me. I met Mr. Virgo on Halloween. That is such a happy memory. And now it's been ten years since that handsome man walked into my little needlework shop and changed my life forever. This is my third Halloween without him. I've reflected a lot on the changes in my life lately. People have come and gone. My life has changed in ways I could never have imagined. Sometimes change is good. Other times, it hurts like hell and there's not a darned thing you can do about it.

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I have been blessed in life with friends who have a much better knowledge of the Bible than me. Yesterday, one shared a verse with me that was quite comforting.

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\"And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.\"

\n2 Corinthians 3:18\n
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In other words, the mere act of contemplating God with unveiled faces transforms us into His image. He effects change. And not only in us, but TO us. He changes circumstances. I have no idea why He took Mr. Virgo so young. But I DO know why He brought him into my life in the first place. I tell people if I would have had him for just one day, my life would have been richer for it. I got to have him for seven and a half years. Some people never get to experience that kind of love. I understand my blessings. Still, there are times when the enormity of the loss flattens me. I just don't pitch a tent there anymore.

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❤️

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“The Lord our God said to us at Horeb, “You have stayed long enough at this mountain.”

\nDeuteronomy 1:6 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-29T01:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/29/change.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/21/do-not-be-afraid.html", "title": "Do Not Be Afraid", "content_html": "\n
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It is no coincidence that this phrase is found 365 times in the Bible. God wants us to be strong in Him...to be fearless...to fear less. I'm here to tell you, facing life without that supportive one, that strong one, that helpmate and sounding board who is no longer there for you physically can strike terror in your heart. The worst thing is making the big decisions without the one person whose opinion you valued over all others. You aren't alone in this. Everyone who has suffered loss struggles with fear, especially in the wee small hours of the night.

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I am blessed to have connected with so many wonderful people through this page. I feel your love and encouragement from across the miles. I've even met some of you in person and I'm looking forward to meeting more of you as time allows. One woman I've connected with is on a journey of her own quite similar to mine. She travels in her little camper from place to place, navigating this grief journey as her labor of love. She is a sweetheart. She sent me a little song for the road trip to Myrtle Beach so I thought I would share it with you this morning. Just a little Happy Hump Day music. Go ahead...tap those toes...don't be afraid!

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❤️

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“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

\nPhilippians 4:6-7\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-21T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/21/do-not-be-afraid.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/20/abandonment.html", "title": "Abandonment", "content_html": "\n
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I have an excessive fear of abandonment. Oh, it's not as bad as it was before I met Mr. Virgo, but it's still something I deal with in life and relationships. The fear of abandonment is primal. It can help us form bonds in relationships. But it can also sabotage us at every turn when it's given too much fuel.

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My fear of abandonment was probably ingrained by a combination of an alcoholic father who was unpredictable and being sexually abused by a neighborhood boy when I was 8 years old. When I confided in my friend's mom, she literally pushed me out the door and told me never to say that to anyone ever again. I didn't tell my mom till I was 35 because I couldn't risk being rejected by her, too. This fear could be as simple as insisting I get a pair of shoes that were obviously too small for me when I was ten. I was certain I would never have another pair of shoes. Or, it could be the driving force of seeking reassurance and undying love of those I care about for fear I will be left alone. I'm sure you all know someone like that. Clingy, cloying, a million I-love-you's is never enough. It's a battle that is not easily won.

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I recently read an excellent blog post by Susan Anderson, psychotherapist, author, workshop leader, and founder of Abandonment Recovery Movement \"How to Overcome Fear of Abandonment: 7 Dos and 10 Don'ts\" is spot on and worth the read if you find yourself hearing this never ending playlist in your head.

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Losing Mr. Virgo could have been the biggest, baddest abandonment ever. But, while I was left alone, it wasn't on purpose. He didn't choose to leave me. That's a whole different thing than being left on purpose. My youngest grand daughter taught me that the night we buried her Papa. We went to a restaurant for dinner and she took a napkin and drew a circle with an X in it and handed it to me. I asked her what it was. She said, \"You put this on Papa's pillow to remind you he died. He didn't just go on vacation without you.\" She was five. Being left on purpose is a fate worse than death to a five-year-old. She wanted me to understand he didn't mean to leave me. She also wanted me to understand he wasn't coming back. There was no need to fool myself.

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The words of a brave little girl echo in my mind and my heart and have helped me so much. I seek to replace the unhealthy with the healthy aspects of this inordinate fear that sometimes still overwhelms me. We are all works of art. Unfinished, terrifyingly beautiful works of art.

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❤️

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“No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

\nJoshua 1:5\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-20T01:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/20/abandonment.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/25/attitude-of-gratitude.html", "title": "Attitude of Gratitude", "content_html": "\n
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Yesterday had God written all over it. As we saw in yesterday's post, it was the one year anniversary of my Bohemian life on the road. TOW-Wanda and I have logged thousands of miles as I've navigated the hollows of my heart. I awoke yesterday and set out to spend the day with an attitude of gratitude.

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I drove across the Appalachian mountains under wispy thin clouds. The trees are preparing for their annual autumn review with the same anxious trepidation of a new bride waiting to step out in her wedding finery. The air was hushed with the anticipation of the riot of color about to be splashed over these ancient hills. As I navigated the kiss-me-Kate turns, I listened to Yo Yo Ma's \"Unaccompanied Cello\". That particular album evokes fall for me. Classical music is the backdrop for many autumn trips to Explore Bookseller in Aspen for my usual stack of winter reading material. I hear the lonesome strains of those strings and my mind takes me to walks over crunchy leaf covered sidewalks, cool crisp air, mugs of steaming cider, flannel shirts, long denim skirts, warm leather boots...pumpkins on the doorsteps. Yo Yo Ma breathes fall's goodness into me.

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I was driving through Elkins, WV...home of a wonderful Liberal Arts College...Davis & Elkins. It is a revived town listed as one of the top 100 art towns in the country. I love Elkins. As I drove through, I felt the now familiar hand of Spirit guiding me. I must have pulled over four times till I finally found what He wanted me to see. Hiawatha. A 15' statue in front of a souvenir shop I've blithely driven by no less than 100 times in the 37 years they've been open. I dutifully stopped the car and went in.

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She was a tiny thing, standing behind the counter beckoning me in with a warm hello. \"Can I help you?\" What do you say in a case like this? \"Nah, hang on...you're about to have a God moment\"? No...these things have to play themselves out in their own way. I'm just the messenger.

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After moseying around the shop a bit, I found myself standing in front of her telling her the story of losing Mr. Virgo. She reacted as many do...gasp, hand to mouth, eyes widen. And this time, as so often happens, tears began to course down her face. She quietly told me this week marks two years since...wait for it...her husband dropped dead of a heart attack right in front of her. Stunned silence for only a moment before I found my way around the counter and took her into my embrace. We are sisters of a different sort.

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We both have scars on our hearts. We wear a secret code only others on this particular path understand. We are kindred spirits...both members of a club we did not ask to join. It was God who led me to her to share that moment of grief together in a souvenir store in Small Town America. I had nothing more important to do than to stand in that store for an hour and minister to this woman who is feeling that same sense of dread and pain that I went through six months ago as I approached the second Angelversary of my own husband's death.

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God works in mysterious ways. One of the most profound effects of this journey has been the opening of my heart, my mind, my ears to His voice. I go where He tells me. And yesterday, He touched two lives by bring our souls together for comfort. It was a beautiful day. It was God's day.

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❤️

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\"My mouth will speak words of wisdom; the meditation of my heart will give you understanding.”

\nPsalm 49:3\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/25/attitude-of-gratitude.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/04/magic.html", "title": "Magic", "content_html": "\n
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After a 12 hour drive, I finally reached my perch overlooking the Ohio River. I would never have driven that long if it hadn't been for my traveling companion driving behind me and pushing me along. I think I played every song on my playlist! The river is so peaceful and beautiful...it makes me want to cry. Or maybe I'm just too tired. Either way, I am happy to be here and certainly happy to be out of that truck.

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Thank you God for travel mercies.

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❤️

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-04T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/04/magic.html", "tags": ["Faith","West Virginia","Gratitude","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/09/03/listen.html", "title": "Listen", "content_html": "\n
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When I travel anymore, I don't usually make reservations. I prefer to listen and go where I'm told. Yesterday was a long day of driving, battling gusty winds through the breadbasket of America. When the light began to change in the west, I started listening to my heart. I was watching for signs for RV parks, but we were way out in open, rolling farmland with few commercial venues. My eye kept being drawn off to the right when I suddenly heard that faint whisper...\"Go there!\"

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A mile from the highway was a small sign that read Lake Storey Campground. We pulled in, got an electric only site for $14, hooked up, and had leftovers from lunch. The sky was turning pink when I told my travel buddy I thought there was a lake nearby. We walked down a gravel path through a canopy of trees when suddenly there was a clearing and...BAM! God started showing off! We caught the most gorgeous sunset ever...all because I listened.

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Where does that voice take you?

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❤️

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\"At sunset, the people brought to Jesus all who had various kinds of sickness, and laying his hands on each one, he healed them.\"

\nLuke 4:4\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-09-03T01:30:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/09/03/listen.html", "tags": ["Faith","Camping","Fun","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/12/novinophobia.html", "title": "Novinophobia", "content_html": "\n
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Novinophobia: The fear of running out of wine. I have no idea if that's a real thing or not, but it's certainly a catchy term. I was always a social drinker. On occasion I over indulged, but I usually just drank a glass of wine while I cooked dinner or a cold beer on a hot summer day. Then the Prozac years happened. I was heavily medicated for depression for years and when my marriage started its inexorable crawl toward the edge of the cliff, I started self-medicating with alcohol. It was the kiss of death.

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When I imploded, I overdosed and nearly died. Thank God I hadn't had any alcohol that night or I wouldn't be here right now. When I came out of that horrible experience, I miraculously had no desire whatsoever to drink alcohol. I do, however, still enjoy a cold beer on a hot summer day and an occasional glass of red wine...just without the alcohol. I've found a dealcoholized wine that I enjoy called Fre. It comes in Red Blend, Merlot, and White Zinfandel. There are several non-alcohol beers available now but my very favorite is Erlanger. It's German and you would be hard pressed to tell the difference between it and a real beer...at least to me.

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My father was an alcoholic. I realized if I would have kept down that path, I could have been in real trouble. I tried going to AA but I just didn't fit there. It's been nearly 16 years since I've had alcohol. I have never, ever been tempted to go back...even with the devastation of losing Mr. Virgo. When people ask if I want a drink, I tell them my theory on alcohol consumption. I tell them I believe God gives us just so many tickets for that ride and they have to last a lifetime. I, unfortunately, did not pace myself and I used them all up WAY too fast. It always gets a laugh and any discomfort in the room is quickly dissipated.

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I spent the day tearing my camper apart yesterday and came across this bottle I had in the cupboard under the sink so last night I put on some music, poured myself a glass, and enjoyed a peaceful, cricket-filled summer evening. L'Chaim!

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❤️

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\"They are dogs with mighty appetites; they never have enough. They are shepherds who lack understanding; they all turn to their own way, they seek their own gain. “Come,” each one cries, “let me get wine! Let us drink our fill of beer! And tomorrow will be like today, or even far better.”

\nIsaiah 56:11-12\n
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\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-12T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/12/novinophobia.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Growth","Gratitude","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/09/update-the-semicolon-project.html", "title": "Update: The Semicolon Project", "content_html": "\n
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Four of us went to a local tattoo parlor yesterday to fulfill our commitment to one another to get semicolon tattoos. The Semicolon Project is a faith-based initiative to raise the awareness and reduce the stigma of mental health issues. Three of us got the tattoos. One came along for moral support and to be the official photographer.

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The three of us have had mental health issues. We've all had depression and anxiety. One was a cutter. One had a brother who died by suicide. One had overdosed and nearly died herself. Yet here we were, on a hot summer Friday afternoon...gathered together to permanently make a statement that says \"Talk about it. It's ok to get help. You aren't evil or a bad person. You are loved. Your story isn't over.\" It was ironic that as we sat there getting inked up, we were listening to the verdict being read live for the sentencing phase of the Aurora shooter's trial. It was decided his life would be spared because even though he was not legally insane at the time of the shooting, he is mentally ill. Too many severely mentally ill people fall through the cracks in the system and are not given the proper mental health care. Too many people are hurting themselves by cutting or starving themselves. Too many are finding permanent solutions to temporary problems.

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Mental illness can be as simple as mild depression or as complicated as paranoid schizophrenia, bipolar illness, or psychosis. I'll never forget the first time I was referred to as being \"mentally ill\" because I had anxiety and situational depression. I was deeply offended because I had my own bias as to what that meant. To me, it meant I was a social outcast, a leper of sorts. I had a \"diagnosis\" with a code that classified me as mentally ill. I was mortified. Heck, back in the day, it was somewhat fashionable to say someone had a \"nervous breakdown\" because it inferred they had a busy and stressful life and they deserved a little rest in the hospital for a few days. That sounded a lot nicer than mentally ill. If you only knew how many of the world's population actually qualify for a mental health diagnosis, you would be hard pressed to go anywhere where there wasn't someone affected in some way. The Semicolon Project brings us out of the darkness and into the light...into life. Into the freedom from discrimination. It opens up the avenue of conversation.

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As you can see, mine (the one on the right) ended up a little different than the choices of A or B that I gave last week. One of my readers suggested I turn the feather into a quill pen to indicate becoming a writer and to make the semicolon look as though the pen just wrote it. I loved that. It indicates the process. We are always somewhere in the process of becoming the final version of ourselves. The semicolon tells us to pause...take a breath. Our story isn't over.

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❤️

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\"Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you— for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.\"

\nEcclesiastes 7:21-22\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-09T01:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/09/update-the-semicolon-project.html", "tags": ["Faith","Strong Women","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/18/finding-your-passion.html", "title": "Finding Your Passion", "content_html": "\n
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There are things I like to do. There are things I love to do. Then there are my passions! I'm not talking about family, or jobs, or your house or garden. I'm talking about that one thing that strikes a deep chord within you and you know…in every cell down to your bones…that this is what you were born to do. It gives you a joy like no other activity, hobby, job you've ever done. Writing for Marshmallow Ranch is my passion. Last night I got to do something even greater…public speaking! I was so honored to speak at New Wineskins last night. This is a Pub Church celebrating their first birthday today.

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It wasn't that long ago that I could never have dreamed of going out there and speaking to people. I noticed some butterflies cropping up Saturday night. I decided to nip that in the bud by totally changing the focus. Instead of being nervous, I decided to be excited because I was going to get to tell people about my walk with Jesus!

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Seriously, this was a beautiful evening. A relatively small group. They laughed. They cried. And I never lost them. I want to do it again!!! What an amazing night!

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❤

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\"The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

\nExodus 4:11-12\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/18/finding-your-passion.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/24/wintervention.html", "title": "Wintervention", "content_html": "\n
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One of my sweet friends sent me a text yesterday morning begging me to come in out of the cold. She was attempting a \"wintervention\". She was quite alarmed that the temperature had plummeted 20℉ since dawn two hours before. She knew that not only do I not have running water, but now my refrigerator doesn't work. How can any sane person live like this? Ummmmm. Good question.

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Am I certifiably crazy? Nope. I've BEEN crazy. This isn't it. Am I wearing a hair shirt and performing some sort of ritualistic scarification that entails facing subzero temperatures and bad food? Not even close. Ever since I read The Boxcar Children, I've fantasized about living in a boxcar and eating wild berries, sleeping the sleep of happy exhaustion from the foraging of the day. Living in a fully stocked camper with a memory foam mattress, luxury bedding, an electric blanket turned up to \"toasty\" is living the high life comparatively. Oh, yeah….it's a whale of a lot different than anything I've ever done for more than just a few days. It's challenging, but it's not necessarily dangerous. It's exciting, fun, and full of adventures. It's freedom to the nth degree.

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Paring and peeling away every layer of civilization that I am willing to give up has simplified my life to the point that I can FEEL things. I feel the seasons, the power of the earth, the flow of the river, the flight of the birds. This is an exquisite gift I have been given. I was so upset after things fell apart at the farm because it didn't work out according to MY plan. Once I finished stomping my little foot and pouting, I sat down. I shut up. And I listened. What I have heard is my own heart beating. Once I stilled my mind, I realized God was speaking loud and clear. \"Hush now. Sit here with Me and let's just be still awhile…you and Me, ok?\"

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Ok.

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❤

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Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

\nMatthew 11:28-30 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/24/wintervention.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Presence","Peaceful Moments"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/05/premonition.html", "title": "Premonition", "content_html": "\n
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For years, I have had a recurring nightmare. It's always the same. It's about a seven second movie of a plane taking off over a city. It's flying low, banks hard to the left, hits something with its wing and crashes into water. Over and over…same thing. No info. No location. No date. Just the seven second video. The first time I had the dream it scared the bejeebers out of me. Over the years it's become a matter of course. When I turned on the news on my iPad, the video of yesterday's plane crash played out before me and before I saw more than one second of it, I knew this was the one. This was the one I have seen over and over. It was such an eerie feeling.

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Last night I was talking to a friend of mine. She told me she had such an odd dream the night before. She dreamt a plane crashed in the water and she and her daughter tried to get to the survivors in a boat but it wouldn't start. Then she saw the news and it freaked her out. I can understand that. Premonitions are not necessarily acknowledged in the Bible except as delivered by prophets. Modern psychiatry has all kinds of names to label a person who claims to \"see things\". But for those to whom it occurs, there is no doubt as to the validity of the visions. They are real.

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I had visions, premonitions if you will, for about a week before Mr. Virgo died. Three times I was awakened from a deep sleep, sat bolt upright in bed…breathing hard, heart pounding. I knew, KNEW I was going to reach to my right and find my husband cold and still. It didn't happen though. He was breathing the even, shallow breath of sleep. The day before he died, I walked by as he napped on the couch. His mouth was gaped open and a voice in my head calmly said…\"This is how he'll look when he's dead.\" I stopped in my tracks. Who WAS that? Where did it come from? The day Mr. Virgo died, we were driving to the RV dealer to pick out our travel trailer. He always wore a watch. He SLEPT in his watch. We were holding hands. He picked up my hand, looked at his bare wrist and said, \"Hmmmm…I forgot to wear my watch today.\" And that same voice in my head calmly said, \"He's going to die today.\" Where on earth did THAT come from? I have no idea, but it was very real…and he was gone three hours later.

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Premonitions. Visions. Dreams. I don't know for sure…but I think God speaks to us in a million different ways. If we can just be still and listen, we can learn so much.

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❤

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\"For God does speak—now one way, now another— though no one perceives it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they slumber in their beds, he may speak in their ears and terrify them with warnings, to turn them from wrongdoing and keep them from pride, to preserve them from the pit, their lives from perishing by the sword.\"

\nJob 33:14-18 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/05/premonition.html", "tags": ["Faith","New Ideas","God","Wisdom","Warning","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/27/memory-lane.html", "title": "Memory Lane", "content_html": "\n
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As most of you know, I've been busy the last couple of weeks scanning old family photos, documents, and assorted ephemera onto an external hard drive. As I do this, I file each picture into a folder for the main subject…mostly by family. I started out with noble intentions…scanning each photo individually and labeling it with the names of the subjects. Then it got filed in the appropriate folder. I have three big plastic tubs of pictures. I quickly realized I'll still be sitting here in 2016 if I kept things going at that rate. So I started grouping 3, 6, 9 or more photos with the same people on one scanned document. I am saving them to the appropriate folder and I can go back at my leisure to label them. The originals are being divided in piles and will be sent to the people in the pictures. I am on my last box. This is a project that has been hanging over my head for at least the eleven years since my mom died. I'll be happy to have it done and behind me, but slogging through it isn't easy. You see, as it turns out, Memory Lane has a lot of potholes.

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The majority of photos I scanned on Mom's Angelversary were of her…in her prime. A young mother. The young me grasping her hand, hanging onto her leg. It tugged at my heart. The next day I went through much of my older daughter's childhood. Sweet baby pictures of her in my arms, this now 40 year old…sucking on a bottle, peeking from under her blanket as she woke from a nap, hiding behind her little hands when she became camera shy at two. It tugged at my heart. Yesterday, I lifted some papers and a small enclosure card fluttered to the floor. \"Happy Valentine's Day, my love!\" Then came a birthday card. \"I adore you!\" I don't know that I was ready for this. Then again…I don't know that I ever WILL be ready for this. I probably would not be doing it now if my hand weren't being forced. I must get this done now. I really cannot cart this stuff with me, I cannot throw it away, and once the photos are disbursed, that's it. This is my only chance to do this job. And it is not easy. I have to pace myself. I have to withdraw a little from people so I can work through another layer of grief. I have to ask God to hold my hand…a LOT!

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I recognize how blessed I am. My marriage will always be perfect. There will never be fights, hurt feelings, divorce. My memories of my marriage will forever be sweet, happy, full of love and light. That is such a gift.

\n\n\n

This sadness shall pass. This layer will be ripped open, cleaned out, and repaired. Just as all potholes are. And someday, I can drive down this road without falling in.

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❤

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\n

“The widow who is really in need and left all alone puts her hope in God and continues night and day to pray and to ask God for help.”

\n1 Timothy 5:5\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-27T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/27/memory-lane.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/21/the-fairy-cottage.html", "title": "The Fairy Cottage", "content_html": "\n
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A couple of days ago I realized my stress level was getting out of hand. When we make proclamations to do good, we are often attacked by dark forces trying to counteract and regain balance. All energy in the universe has a counterbalance…light/dark, good/evil, Heaven/Hell. My IBS symptoms were raging and my anxiety was dangerously close to being triggered. I felt like I had tears stuck in my throat all the time. I was quickly letting things spiral out of control. To regain my balance, the first thing I did was reach out my hand and ask God to hang on to me and take this all away. The second thing I did was tell all dark energy to get away from me now. Then the third thing I did was invite all things light and good to come rushing back in to fill the void left by the vanishing darkness. Seriously, what had been going on for about 12 hours completely reversed in mere moments. It was astonishing. You have to understand…some of these things are totally new to me. I've never tried that before. I was bowled over that it worked. All I had to do…quite literally…was ask, and it was done. Then, of course…I had to say a hearty thank you!

\n\n\n

It is no surprise to you that I have been upset with my aunt these last few weeks. My whole world was turned upside down for me to come here to help her. If I would have known it would have lasted only 10 weeks, I never would have moved everything here. I never would have spent that money to move things here. I may not have bought such a big trailer. I don't know. But things would certainly have looked different right now. It's not those things that had me upset, however. It was something else entirely.

\n\n\n

In the late '70s, I read a book called Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. I started practicing this as a tool to combat a moderately severe anxiety disorder. In my meditations, the house out on the farm became my safe place…my happy place. In my anger and pain over things not working out the way I had the script written, I decided that my aunt had ruined my visualization. She \"took it away from me\" and I was mad. As you know, anger is the poison you take hoping it makes the other person sick. It just doesn't work that way. So I decided I needed to change my focus and walk toward the light.

\n\n\n

I sat down and meditated. Mentally I created a large spool of silk strands of love and light that I could wrap all around my aunt so none of her negativity could escape. Then I built her a beautiful cottage, with every amenity she could possibly need. I packed every corner, floor to ceiling with smiles and laughter. I placed it over on the other side of the creek, away from the house, and I \"carried\" my aunt over there and put her inside. Then I made the water magic so no negative thing could ever cross back over to the house. My happy place, my safety zone was intact once more. Voila! My very-way-cool friend Vicky offered this insight…..This whole mess has very little to do with me, and everything to do with where my aunt is in HER life.

\n\n\n

The mind is a powerful thing. Prayer is a powerful thing. God coming to settle you down and displace the worries in your life? Man, that's an amazing thing…the MOST powerful thing. It is the cake. Everything else is just icing.

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❤

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\n

Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

\nPhilippians 4:7\n
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(Image from Pinterest)

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/21/the-fairy-cottage.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/19/a-message-from-god.html", "title": "A Message From God", "content_html": "\n
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I was sitting in church yesterday morning, coffee in hand, reading the bulletin. I came across an item asking for people to give a 3-5 minute testimony during the halftimes of an all day basketball tournament at the local Christian school. Now, lately I have been feeling a call to speak, as evidenced by our recent talk about Victorian salons. But there's no way I could EVER talk for just 3-5 minutes about ANYTHING! No, this feeling was coming on strong in just the first few minutes of church and it had a deeper dynamic to it I couldn't quite put my finger on. The sermon was wonderful. The subject was being grateful for the Blessings we are given. Being BOLDLY grateful…out loud. To give credit where credit is due. To thank God openly.

\n\n\n

I have always been mindful in my writing that, even though I consider it to be faith based, I don't want to come across as \"preachy\" since that was a major turn-off for me growing up. If I were to influence someone, I would prefer it be through example. More to the point, I just didn't want to offend anyone who does not share my beliefs or make them feel I am in any way judgmental if you don't… because I certainly am not. But that takes me back to the ten lepers…only one of whom came back to properly thank God for curing his leprosy. It was through being grateful, and expressing it, that he was healed.

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Many of you have told me, if I attached a scripture to my writings, it would be your daily devotional. The message I kept getting in church yesterday was \"Tell them. Tell them who gives you all your Blessings. Give them a verse…just a verse. You don't have to \"preach\"…just give your readers a verse that you read that offered you comfort or insight. Just tell them!\" This voice was getting pretty insistent, ok? And right then, my phone vibrated. It was sitting face up in my purse and I instinctively glanced down. It was a message from a friend and I knew he was in church at the time. What on earth could he be sending me during church? It was SO unlike him.

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\"You cannot run from God's love.\"

\n\n\n

Whoa! Six words. Right there on the iPhone screen. A text from God…via a friend in Florida. Now, if I wear my underwear outside my clothes in Walmart and walk around talking to myself and tell you God speaks to me through my television set…THAT'S crazy. But when you're sitting in church contemplating whether you should talk about God more in your blog, and your friend suddenly feels compelled to pick up his phone and text you something that just \"popped in his head\"…THAT'S a message one cannot ignore. So, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to start adding a scripture at the bottom of each post. Something that supports or illustrates the subject. I'm not going to be quite so afraid to share with you when God moves me to. I'm not going to tap dance and pretend to be anything I am not. I'm NOT going to preach at you. I'll understand if it's not your cup of tea and you want to bail on me…no hard feelings. I love all of you…no matter what. It's just something I feel I need to do…for me…for God. Because, He has Blessed me way above and beyond anything I deserve. Truly. It is my time to speak.

\n\n\n

❤

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\n

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

\nEcclesiastes 3:7\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-19T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/19/a-message-from-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","New Ideas","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/12/time-of-reflection.html", "title": "Time of Reflection", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
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I love Sunday. I get to go to Church. I didn't always go. As a matter of fact, I was a good Jewish wife and mother for 27 years. I was frightened out of believing when I was a very young child. I followed the \"Church of Ginny\" for a number of years until I had a roommate who was Jewish. I started following the holidays and traditions because I loved the sense of family it gave me. I loved God. But I had a fear of Jesus after that scary preacher yelled at me and told me I was going to go to hell. I was six. So, with Judaism, I could have a relationship with God and leave it at that.

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I met and married a nice Jewish man. We had a nice Jewish house and celebrated all the Jewish holidays. But there was something missing. I had an emptiness inside that I couldn't fill with anything…no matter how hard I tried. Finally, five years after my divorce from this still nice Jewish man…I found Jesus. And my world literally was recreated. I was recreated. I changed instantly. I found my happy place.

\n\n\n

I've been Church hunting since I came to West Virginia. I have attended the church of my youth…my grandparent's little country church. I visited a Baptist church with a praise team which was decidedly more contemporary than anything else around here but still pretty tame compared to the throw-your-hands-up-in-the-air kind of worship I have become accustomed to in the churches I attend in Colorado. I visited a lovely Methodist church with friends and saw some classmates there. And the past two Sundays, I attended services at a beautiful Methodist church in the historic district. My mom's cousin is the associate Pastor there and she invited me to come hear her sermon.

\n\n\n

Yesterday was the Sunday celebrating the Baptism of Christ. Having grown up in a little country church and after attending contemporary churches, I felt a bit like a fish out of water. There are more rituals in the Methodist church than I remember. It was a lovely service, however. I sat and smiled as I watched and listened to my cousin speak about the \"Something More\" we are always seeking. I smiled because I remember her as a very young mother attending the little white church on the hill and now here she was in black robes, standing in the pulpit, delivering a sermon in a big stone church with stained glass windows. We both had humble beginnings. We both are widows. We share genes. We share a love for God.

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Toward the end of the service, we were invited to come forward to the baptismal font to have the sign of the cross placed on our foreheads with water from the Jordan River, the river in which Jesus was baptized by his cousin John. My cousin, Sue, did the honors. It was a lovely experience for me. I knelt before the pulpit for a bit…without thought of what I would say to God. Instead of many words, I merely felt the warmth of the moment…smiled…and whispered \"Thank You.\" Sometimes just that is the greatest of prayers.

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❤

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Painting is entitled \"Baptism of the Lord\" by Guido Reni

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/12/time-of-reflection.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/26/seriously.html", "title": "Seriously…", "content_html": "\n
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This world scares me. I miss Mr. Virgo's strong arms around me more than ever, knowing I would be protected from all harm. Period. No questions. Now, there are tons of questions. Who is protecting me? Who will save us? God, of course, so I can rest in that. I am not delving into the issue of right or wrong here. Someone is always right. Someone is always wrong. Yin/yang. Light/dark. Good/evil. It has been this way forever. But, it's what we DO with that…how we react…that is the issue here. The human race is tired. We've been beaten up. Robbed of our peace by terror. Gone are the innocent Camelot years. I can feel the jagged energy in the world. It's harsh…like the static on a TV station you accidentally switch to and the sound is too loud. It's too loud for me, this world. It hurts…my ears, my head, my heart. I want to stand up and scream STOP! Stop it! You're hurting me. You're hurting my grandbabies. You're hurting us all.

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I want to cry.

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I don't have TV. I don't watch the news. I keep up by reading online, but the moving pictures on the evening news at my cousin's house last night struck terror in my heart. I wanted to switch it off, but I couldn't. I want to pretend it isn't happening, but that doesn't work. I want to erase the images of the burning and the looting, but I can't. You can't unring a bell.

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So, what CAN I do? I cannot change them, but I can pray for them. I cannot bring back the dead, but I can work for justice. I can learn, and read, and talk, and vote. But most of all…I can spread as much love throughout the world as I possibly can. I can hug everyone I meet and make sure they know they are loved. I can ask them to pay that forward. We are not so far gone that we cannot hold each other in love, standing strong in a sacred space. I will not be terrorized! They cannot steal my sense of peace! I will not fear the night! I will not run from my fellows! This can be a scary situation…or this can be the nadir of change. It is up to us. Do we join the angry rhetoric? Do we choose sides? Or do we remember humanity is essentially good and work from a space filled with love and compassion?

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Breathe good into the world today. Pray for peace. <3

\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/26/seriously.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Fear","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/24/prayer-works.html", "title": "Prayer Works!", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
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A couple of weeks ago I asked you to lift up one of our own Marshmallow Ranchers in prayer. Gloria has a large mass, presumably ovarian cancer, and she is having a total hysterectomy this morning. There are issues with her blood clotting too easily as well. Please lift her up again today….that the mass is isolated, that they get clean margins, that there is no lymph node involvement, that the surgeon's hands are skilled and his/her mind is fresh, that she get through this quickly and as painlessly as possible, and that her family have the strength to get through this and support her with their love. If you are not a prayerful person, that's fine…send her some love, light, and good healing energy and thoughts. Any time we concentrate and lift up another, we raise the vibration of the world and that is good juju all the way around.

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We love you, Gloria….be well! <3

\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/24/prayer-works.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/16/sundays-on-the-farm.html", "title": "Sundays on the Farm", "content_html": "\n
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I've been going to the little church down the road. You don't need to see a picture of it....you've seen a hundred pictures of it. You know the one....little, white, one room, TALL windows, double doors up front, and a steeple with a bell. Some of my fondest memories growing up are wrapped up in this church. \"Aunt Idy\" was my grandma's very good friend and she played the piano. Her name was Ida Mae...a spinster who lived down the road in a house so crooked you could throw a jar of marbles in the front door and they'd run out the back! There used to be a lot more people attending this little church when I was growing up but they've mostly died off or moved on to find work elsewhere. My Pop-Pop and his brother, Uncle Red, took turns leading services as we only had a circuit preacher who came every six weeks or so. One of my mom's cousins always led Sunday School. And my mom's brother, my Uncle Bob, rang the bell when it was time to start the service. He took that job very, very seriously.

\n\n\n

My Uncle Bob was an exceptional man. Grandma had chicken pox or measles...some malady when she was pregnant for Bob and he was born with a developmental disability of some type. He had a terrible speech impediment and a lazy eye. I believe in today's world he would have had quite a different life. But in those days, there wasn't such a thing as Special Education. When Grandma sent Bob to school with the other kids, they made fun of his speech and she would have none of that. She kept him at home with her. He was strong as an ox and he did a lot of the work on the farm. I remember him pounding rock with a sledge hammer and hauling it to fill the driveway. I still think of that when I walk down the drive to get the mail or the paper. He pushed a cultivator through the garden, hauled, lifted, toted, and worked hard every single day. Uncle Bob was totally without guile...the most innocent man I have ever known. He had never, ever lied. He wouldn't know how to. He had a sense of humor that would make a little girl cry. He would give you the food from his own plate if he thought you were hungry. He was a great man.

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When my aunt lost her second husband, my grandma was about to the point where she needed someone to be here with her and Uncle Bob so she moved in with them. Grandma's love for Bob was apparent to all who knew them. Once, Bob was really sick with a fever. Grandma climbed right in bed with him and held him, rocking him like the little boy he still was to her. He would always be her \"Bobert\". After Grandma passed, my aunt stayed on and cared for Bob. She told me a story about him yesterday. Some people came to see Bob and brought him a little mechanical bird in a cage. Bob asked what that bird ate and everyone laughed and said it didn't eat...it was just a toy. After the company left, Bob asked my aunt again, quite seriously, what that bird ate. He was very concerned that if someone entrusted him with that bird, he needed to take good care of it. My aunt says that of all the people in this world that she has lost, the only one she has ever cried for is my Uncle Bob. On his headstone it reads \"Manager of the Bell\". He would have liked that. He was very proud of his job.

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I try to emulate them...my grandma and grandpa, my Uncle Bob. I learned a lot about life and love from them and from that little white church on the hill. I hope to live up to the high standards they left for me as I follow in their footsteps and care for my lovely aunt and this beautiful farm. I will make them proud. \"\"

\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-16T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/16/sundays-on-the-farm.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/09/god-moments.html", "title": "God Moments", "content_html": "

\"god “God Moments”

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Something happens. A moment out of the ordinary. The moment when you know in your gut that what just happened had God written all over it. This is part of what I was talking about the other day when we discussed listening to your heart. When you are in tune…aligned with the energies of your Higher Power…you will notice more and more God moments. I had just such a moment yesterday and it was amazing.

\n

I had stayed overnight with one cousin and met up with another cousin yesterday morning. We headed out for a day of craft fairs, lunch out at a little bistro, and finally dinner out with some of their friends. The first show was full of vendors from Origami Owl to Avon, Thirty-One to Tupperware. Suzy introduced me to a number of her friends since she lives in the area. The Thirty-One booth was back in the corner. If you aren’t familiar with Thirty-One, they are a faith-based company that sells canvas bags, pouches, purses and organizers. I was immediately drawn to the young lady running her booth, and her business, with a light hearted style that was so engaging. She and I clicked in an instant. Suzy told her about my recent journey across the country pulling my camper. Jen admired the fact that I did this alone and revealed her own interest in renovating trailers. I told her about Sisters on the Fly. Turns out she lives in the same county as me. Coincidence #2? I told her about losing Mr. Virgo.

\n

Jen choked up and asked, “Do you mind me asking how old you are?”

\n

“I’ll be 62 in June.”

\n

She started crying and told me that she was going to a memorial service in a few hours for the only friend she had ever had that was older than her. Her friend was 62. I wrapped her in my arms and said, “Come here, baby girl. I’m going to be your friend.”

\n

We both need friends. God put us right where we needed to be so we could meet. This happens over and over to me. Far too often to be a mere coincidence. I love these God moments. And Jen, I’m looking forward to getting to know you better and talking trailer renovation. \"\"

\n", "date_published": "2014-11-09T02:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/09/god-moments.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/04/that-still-small-voice.html", "title": "That Still, Small Voice", "content_html": "

\"listen “Listen with your heart.”

\n

You’ve heard it. If not…you’ve felt it. That still, small voice that guides you. That gut instinct that cautions you. That “sixth sense”, “intuition”, “inner compass” that we all have. Listening to that Voice with my heart is a skill I crave to learn. All too often, I look back and recall hearing, but not heeding, the directions that were subtly handed down. For me, it is the Holy Spirit guiding me. And I’m stubborn. I want to do it my way. I don’t like to be “told what to do.”

\n

There are times that I can recall where it wasn’t just a gut instinct, a “feeling” I shouldn’t do something. I recall on those occasions hearing a voice…actually HEARING it, as if someone were standing right next to me. It made me jump. It was disconcerting, to say the least. I mean, we aren’t supposed to be hearing voices. But I heard it, nonetheless.

\n

Once was when Hubby #2 was in medical school. We had been arguing about something. Med school is stressful and we argued. Too much. I was sitting on the edge of our bed, crying, when a voice very clearly said to me, “Don’t worry…you’ll be happy when you’re 52.” Excuse me? Who said that? And what do you mean “when you’re 52”? I’m 30!!! Besides, I wasn’t necessarily UNhappy. At least, not that I was aware of at the time. Interestingly, I met (and fell madly in love with) Mr. Virgo when I was…52. Hmmmmm.

\n

Another time was when I was a smoker. I was going to sleep one night and clearly heard a voice say “You have to quit. And I mean right now. Not one more.” I would love to say I listened then but nicotine addiction is more powerful than heroin, so I have heard. But I did eventually so I hope it wasn’t too late.

\n

Once I was looking at my retirement account and was very pleased by the return that month when the same darned voice said “Get out. Now!” “Oh, no…..I did NOT just hear that! This was the best month EVER!” Yeah. You remember when the market crashed in ‘08? Uh-huh. Didn’t listen then either. Darn it.

\n

So what does this Voice have to do to get our attention? Would I have listened if perhaps I had heard a fanfare of trumpets? Was I waiting for a neon sign perhaps? Maybe a peppy rendition of “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”? How about a clap of thunder and a booming voice? I don’t think that’s how God works. When a child is having a temper tantrum or not hearing you, does raising your voice help? No. What usually works is squatting down at eye level and whispering. It throws them off guard. They have to strain to hear so they get quiet themselves. I think God whispers to us because we are so darned loud, so busy with whatever we are enamored with at the moment. He wants us to shut up and listen. He wants us to sit and be still and hear what He’s trying to say. Because He’s saying a lot. He’s talking to us all the time.

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The sweetest sound in the world is…the Voice of God. Even if you call that Voice your “woman’s intuition”, learn to be still and really hear it. Listen with your heart.

\n", "date_published": "2014-11-04T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/04/that-still-small-voice.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Grace","God","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/23/tough.html", "title": "Tough", "content_html": "

\"wildness “May the angel of wildness disturb the places where your life is domesticated and safe.” John O’Donohue

\n

When the truck was delivered yesterday, the driver really didn’t want to leave the trailer and come all the way back out on Monday to get it. He peeked in and asked how many feet I had reserved. When he saw it was only five linear feet and it was all boxes he asked if we couldn’t just go ahead and empty it. I got that “Let’s see what she’s made of” look and I jumped right in. I was lugging boxes up those stairs and going back for more. NOT the way I had that scenario played out in my mind, but here we were. I did call in reinforcements who showed up when we were down to the last ten boxes. (Definitely not their fault…they were originally scheduled for tomorrow.) When we were done, there were four men and me standing around admiring my new trailer and truck. I said something about being tough and the boss turned around and said “Little girl, you dragged that thing clear across the country! I’D say you’re pretty dang tough!” (me = big smile)

\n

I’m so proud.

\n

Today, I rest. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-23T01:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/23/tough.html", "tags": ["Faith","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/08/andim-off.html", "title": "And...I'm off!!!!!!!", "content_html": "

\"camper “On the road with TOW-Wanda Grande!”

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I can’t believe this day is here! I’m taking my time crossing the country this time. One of my Sisters on the Fly​ friends told me to pay the $50/day storage fee for my stuff when it gets to WV and take an extra week coming across. Good advice, Lisa!

\n

My mom died ten years ago and I made three round trips between CO and WV that year…by myself. I also brought my brother to CO from WV via Disney World! I came cross country the last time with a 17’ U-Haul towing my Toyota on a car hauler. I slept in the cab of that truck! This is total luxury having my house with me.

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I’ll keep you up to date on my travels but I won’t divulge specific locations real time for safety reasons. (You’re welcome, Patty et al!). <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-08T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/08/andim-off.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Camping","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","goRVing","Grace","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/07/perfection.html", "title": "Perfection!", "content_html": "

\"camper\" “Saying Goodbye to Little TOW-Wanda. This makes me a little sad!”

\n

I had a perfectly smooth day yesterday. I almost didn’t know how to act! I went to Columbine Ford in Rifle first thing. (Ask for Brandun Weeden and tell him I sent you!!!) I had called him on Friday when I was at a Ford dealer in Denver. I told him what I was looking at, and what they were offering, and asked if he could do better. He said he could and he didn’t disappoint! I got a year newer vehicle, with 30,000 less miles on it, with a 36 month extended warranty for about $4,000 less than I expected! Sweet! The only thing is, the truck doesn’t have nav or a back up camera. But I can deal with that. Thanks, Brandun!

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Then I went to the trailer place and lo and behold…the trailer wasn’t in the lot! The part came in, she works perfectly!!! And, look who I saw peeking around the corner while I was waiting. Little TOW-Wanda. It’s as though she knew I’d be there today and she came to say goodbye. (Ok, they were winterizing her, but it makes a great story. I’m all about the story!)

\n

I picked up the trailer and immediately hit the road. Got to Denver about a half hour after dark. OMGosh! That truck pulled TOW-Wanda Grande like she weighed nothing. Awesome job!

\n

I wanted to get on the road today but my oldest wants me to stay another day so she can see my trailer. And, I’ll go help her get her classroom together so that should be fun. She has been asked to open a special ed center in a grade school that doesn’t have one so she has accepted the challenge. Besides, another day of rest can’t hurt anyone! I’ll get there soon enough…at least this delay is MY choice! <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-10-07T01:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/07/perfection.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Camping","Growth","Gratitude","goRVing","Grace","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/11/073038.html", "title": "9/11/01", "content_html": "

\"change “The Day The World Changed”

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The day the world was forever changed. There are moments in life when something so monumentally shifts that it will be forever burned into our hearts and minds. We remember where we were, what we were doing, who we were with. JFK, Martin Luther King, Bobby Kennedy…all engraved within us.

\n

September 11th dawned a typical Colorado blue blaster day. I met my friend, Sue, for breakfast at the Wild Rose Bakery in Glenwood Springs. When she walked in, she asked if I had heard the news. Something about an airplane hitting one of the Twin Towers. We both pictured a small plane, perhaps a medical emergency resulting in an errant course. No one could possibly imagine a commercial flight being flown purposefully into occupied buildings, let alone two and a third driven to the ground. It wasn’t in our database. When we realized something serious was happening, Sue and I decided to go home and watch TV. We stayed there for days, weeks, months…stunned. We walked out into the streets and held each other. We offered comfort and were comforted. The world got a group hug. I remember such shock the first time I heard of a crime being committed after 9/11. Didn’t they realize we were mourning the results of heinous behavior? How DARE they!

\n

Thirteen years have passed. Heinous behavior continues to amaze us. ISIS wasn’t in our collective vocabulary a few months ago. Yet, here we are. Walking out on the street, hugging people. Let’s not forget what it felt like to draw near to others…to support and love each other. We must remember the fallen and the brave souls who went to their aid. We mustn’t forget our humanity, even in the face of monsters.

\n

It is Patriot’s Day. We must remember why.

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-11T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/11/073038.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/03/mr-virgos-bluebirds.html", "title": "Mr. Virgo's Bluebirds", "content_html": "

\"bluebird\" “Mr. Virgo sends me bluebirds. First, at his grave. Then…everywhere!”

\n

I was sitting at the cemetery yesterday morning enjoying my morning coffee and having breakfast with Mr. Virgo. It was a perfect Colorado blue blaster day…not a cloud in the sky. I was reminded of a time last year when I came here. I was sitting in the car beside his grave, crying my eyes out. I felt so alone and asked God and Mr. Virgo to send me a sign every time I come so I know they’re out there watching over me. I don’t know if Mr. Virgo sees me, but I do know God does. As soon as I made my request, I heard a bird singing close by. I turned and there was a bluebird sitting on the post right beside me singing away and looking at me, cocking it’s head this way and that. Now every time I go to the cemetery, at least one bluebird comes to this post and sings to me. Yesterday, for about five minutes, there were several of them all around me. I sat there with the door open and they even came and sat on the door and the rear view mirror! And see who came to sit on my post? It was so beautiful. And just as fast as they came, they were gone. I always feel closer to Mr. Virgo when they are nearby. Now, the true test will be if they come to see me in WV. Or maybe I won’t need them as much. We can’t test God like the fleece in the Bible. But I love, love, love it when He shows me He is there. It is always personal. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-03T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/03/mr-virgos-bluebirds.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Comfort","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/24/attitude-adjustment.html", "title": "Attitude Adjustment", "content_html": "

\"attitude “Attitude Adjustment”

\n

I had a rough week. Between negotiating items on the inspection that need addressing to two crowns and new glasses, I was feeling at my wits’ end. I was allowing the emotion of the situation to sit in the driver’s seat and when that happens, it’s easy to miss a curve and head for the rocks.

\n

I was feeling taken advantage of in these negotiations. I was upset because I was projecting onto the buyers my own desire to be treated kindly because I am a widow. I am a woman. And I am doing this all on my own. I mean, can’t they see this is hard for me? They should be nice. Then I realized, this is business. This has nothing to do with me. They are driving a hard bargain. They are asking for the moon, hoping I’ll hand it to them on a silver platter. I’m not giving up and I’m not giving in. I’ve just had enough of the haggling…it is what it is…take it or leave it.

\n

When I take ME out of the equation, things get remarkably simple. Hey…when did I grow up??? <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-24T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/24/attitude-adjustment.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/14/sold.html", "title": "Sold!", "content_html": "

\"sold\" “Sold!”

\n

Yesssssssss! Sold the house! They will have an inspector come in and once that clears, I’m good to go. September 11th closing. My sweet brother’s birthday is September 12th. I want to have a BIG going away party on the 13th and then I’m out of here!!!!!!! OMGosh! I’m on cloud nine!

\n

(happy dance

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-14T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/14/sold.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Fear","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/09/no-regrets.html", "title": "No Regrets", "content_html": "

\"regret “Making a big life change is scary. But, know what’s even scarier? Regret.”

\n

I went to a memorial service for a great guy yesterday. It’s the first funeral I have been to since Mr. Virgo died. I was a little worried that it would stir up bad memories but honestly, I remember so little of the actual service, there wasn’t much memory to stir. That’s the blessing of being in shock. And I’ve totally accepted that Mr. Virgo is gone and he’s not coming back. Yesterday’s service was beautiful. Great stories, lovely praises for a life well lived. Bob was the true example of living with no regrets and he was very well loved by everyone who knew him.

\n

I went through the receiving line and my heart ached for his wife. The shell-shocked look on her face was all too familiar. She won’t remember who was in that line. She will remember those who stood before the gathering and spoke well of her husband. She won’t remember much of what was said. She will eat what is placed before her without tasting it. She will feel totally overwhelmed with everything that needs to be taken care of and she will appreciate her family and friends that help her, but she won’t remember exactly who did what and when. And she will cry. Lord, how she will cry. We cannot spare her of that. There’s no one who can do that for her. She is now a member of our club…one she never dreamed of joining. Or that it would just be four months after the diagnosis that she would be saying goodbye. Or that her husband would only be 66. That part was hard to look at. I know where she’s about to walk and it isn’t pretty. I pray for her strength. I pray she will let all these wonderful people who loved her husband help her through this. She will come out the other side a different person. We all do.

\n

The most remarkable change I have seen in myself is a fierce determination to live every day of my life. Change is scary, but regret is scarier.

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-09T01:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/09/no-regrets.html", "tags": ["Faith","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/07/31/strathmore-house.html", "title": "Strathmore House", "content_html": "

\"Strathmore “The Strathmore House…home of my Great Grandfather, Charles C. Richardson”

\n

Just before my second birthday, my mom’s brother was killed in a plane crash. He was an Air Force pilot and had mechanical difficulties as he was flying an older plane that was about to be retired. He crashed into a farmer’s field in Germany to avoid hitting a populated area. It was devastating to the family and they were never the same. Uncle Sonny has always been alive to me in the stories everyone tells and in the photos I keep.

\n

Shortly after he passed, my great grandfather called my grandma to come stay with them for awhile. We all went to Mt Jackson, VA to stay in the big house at Strathmore Farms. Even though I was only two, I distinctly remember that house and have pictures of it.

\n

Now, fast forward 55 years. Mr. Virgo and I always talked about having a B&B and he knew I wanted to move home. He had me look at the B&B’s for sale in Virginia and West Virginia. I saw this picture and my heart skipped a beat. It was my great-grandfather’s house, now a well-established B&B, for sale! I couldn’t dial the phone fast enough. Oh, my….wouldn’t it be a lovely ending to the story if we could have bought the place??? But, alas…the price tag is (still) almost $800,000 so unless I WIN Powerball, it’s not happening! Pretty neat story, though!

\n

I’m in town at my cousin’s house. We will travel today to see another cousin who is ill. It’s what families do…we stick together whether we see each other once a week or once a decade.

\n

I will tell you what…I will be getting internet when I move to the farm! No wifi…no cell service…I need to unplug a little, but this has been a real eye opener! The closest cell service is 12 miles away at the cemetery. Maybe there’s service back on the hill at the farm, but that would entail a hike and I haven’t had time (cough, cough). Farm life is going to whip me into shape!

\n", "date_published": "2014-07-31T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/07/31/strathmore-house.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/07/28/west-virginia-sunset.html", "title": "West Virginia Sunset", "content_html": "

\"wv “West Virginia Sunset”

\n

I had such a wonderful day today! I went to my cousin’s and worked all day on the computer. I had printed out the book then went over it with a fine toothed comb and a red pen over the weekend. I put the corrections in today and sent the finished product to Dropbox. My friend Sue will pick it up and convert it to the software program publishers like and then put it back in Dropbox. I’m sure there will be lots of reading and re-reading in the coming weeks but it felt grand to get this far!

\n

I bought paint today for the upstairs room of the cellar house. I will take before and after photos to show you the project! I want to get it painted this week so when I come back, I can just put my stuff in there. This is getting pretty exciting!!!

\n", "date_published": "2014-07-28T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/07/28/west-virginia-sunset.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","West Virginia","Courage","Writing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/07/10/just-breathe.html", "title": "Just Breathe", "content_html": "

\"just “Just Breathe!”

\n

Ok, so…the showing went very well yesterday morning. The lady really liked it and now wants her husband to come see it. I hope he subscribes to the “Happy Wife…Happy Life!” school of thought! I am not going to obsess…I am not going to obsess…I am NOT going to obsess! lol

\n

I’m heading to the Front Range this morning. I get to camp with my youngest grand daughter for two nights. Sister has a swim meet and it is NOT pleasant when we awaken the princess too early! Hence, she will stay with Nana!

\n

I am playing a game with myself. I have laid out what I want to pack for my trip on Sunday. I gave myself an hour and went back and picked through to see what I can do without. Then I did it a couple more times. It’s amazing what I cut out by doing that. I will go through it again before I actually pack. I mean, really…I’m going to WV in late July. I need a couple tank tops, a couple pairs of shorts, a sundress or two, dainties and toiletries. One pair of sandals and one pair of tennies. All I REALLY need is a toothbrush and a charge card! Last year I took EVERYTHING. I find if I don’t plan ahead and take my time packing, I just throw everything in the suitcase. I always end up thinking “What on earth did I bring that for?” I’ll tell you what, my friend who is picking me up at the airport will thank me. He could barely lift the big suitcase last year.

\n

I am so excited for this trip! My ideal living situation would be to have a small place in WV and a small place in CO and split my time between the two. I’m going to just see what’s available while I’m there this time. I love having something fun to plan and look forward to. One of my dreams has been to have a place where I can hold retreats (artist, writer, yoga, stitching, knitting, quilting, etc.) I can just envision small groups gathering on my property, sitting around the campfire at night, sharing meals, learning from each other, sharing with each other, supporting each other in whatever growth we happen to be wrangling with at the time. I love having a picture in my mind that I can send out into the universe and watch it start to grow. Of course, my universal energy source is God, but no matter what your persuasion, my retreats would be all encompassing and would be open to any creative (or not so creative) souls. I could have retreats here in CO and in the beautiful, lush green hills of WV. What do you all think? Is that something you would be interested in? Is there anything in particular you would like to do or discuss? What do you envision it looking like? I’ve already been laying some groundwork over the last year. I have met some wonderful women who would love to teach and or speak. I’ve also met some incredibly strong women who would love to participate. We are all learning…we are all “just walking each other home.”

\n", "date_published": "2014-07-10T01:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/07/10/just-breathe.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Downsizing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/07/02/building-a-lifeone-word-at.html", "title": "Building a Life...One Word at a Time", "content_html": "

\"labrynth\" “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

\n

I have been on retreat for the last few days with my dear sister/friend, Sue. I have also been struggling a little lately. Nothing major, just par for the course on the long road of life. A particularly bumpy spot but not totally unexpected given the stressors I’m working with.

\n

The day I arrived, I walked through the midden pile and spotted a couple particularly beautiful painted potsherds on the ground. Even though I know better than to disturb them, I picked them up…marveling at the fact they were over 800 years old, hand built by the “Ancient Ones”. I slipped them in my pocket without thinking and at the end of the day, I found them resting on the counter of TOW-Wanda’s little kitchen.

\n

I didn’t sleep well that night. The next day we hiked and had a grand day, but at nightfall, I found myself ill. All day Monday I was disturbed by something. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was wrong. Tuesday morning, while feeling a bit better physically, I just didn’t feel right. Agitated, antsy, anxious…all I wanted to do was hook up TOW-Wanda and get out of town. I texted Sue and told her my plans had changed, I couldn’t settle my mind and write so I was moving on. Sue, in her Earth-Mother wisdom said, “Soon, you must lite somewhere and write this book. I will love you and support any decision you make, but I’m going to start kicking you in the butt a little bit. But first, go walk the labyrinth.”

\n

I packed up, hooked up TOW-Wanda, and even though it was already in the 90’s, I headed for the back pasture to walk the labyrinth. For those who are unfamiliar, a labyrinth is a walking meditation. A path is walked slowly with intention as you wend your way toward the “center of the universe”. You can present a thought, a question, a problem to the universe and walk to the center where you may be presented with an answer. By the time you wend your way out, if the answer still feels good, you can go with that. My question was “What is wrong with me? What is bothering me and making me feel so unsettled?” Then I began to walk. After 30 seconds or so, you begin to relax, your focus becomes centered on the rhythmic crunch of your shoes on the ground, and by the time you reach the center, you are really open and paying attention. As I stood still in the “center of the universe” I was given a very clear message. “You must put them back.” I knew immediately what this was about. I was NOT supposed to take the potsherds away. The spirits here want what is theirs. When I emerged from the other side of the labyrinth, the message was even clearer. I went back to the trailer and rummaged around to find the beautiful potsherds and carried them back to the midden pile. I ceremoniously deposited them beneath a sage bush and immediately felt fine. No anxiety, no agitation…only peaceful stillness. It was amazing!

\n

I thought back over Sue’s words. “Soon you must lite and write this book.” For the most part, it is written…it’s just making myself sit down and put it together. Over lunch yesterday, I told Sue that I knew she was right. I also knew I was putting it off because it’s not pretty diving back into the pain of the last year. I’ll be at the family farm in West Virginia soon. It’s the home of my heart. I made a commitment to Sue, and myself, to spend that time writing…pulling things together while the emotion is still fresh…while the words are richer and closer to the source.

\n

I can dream of a house I will build. I can walk through it in my mind and see, feel, smell each room. But, until I pick up the hammer, it’s all just a dream. The time has come to pick up my hammer and get this done. I will be out of cell range for three weeks from July 13th to August 4th. You and I will be disconnected for the first time in a year and a half. But I need to do this. Thank you in advance for your support and love while I journey a little while on my own. I love you all.

\n", "date_published": "2014-07-02T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/07/02/building-a-lifeone-word-at.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure","Growth","Fear","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/14/i-did-it.html", "title": "I Did It!", "content_html": "

\"sheep\" “I Did It!!!”

\n

I spent so much energy wondering how on earth I was ever going to get this house in shape to put it on the market. I whined. I cried. I complained. But, I persevered. And I got it done. Thank you to Hannah and Denise and Hunter for the time you could give me. Thank you to my neighbors for popping in when I needed a little muscle to move things around. Thank you God for having faith in me! The house is listed, the St. Joseph statue has been buried and prayed over. I’m sleeping in today!

\n", "date_published": "2014-06-14T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/14/i-did-it.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Gratitude","Courage","Downsizing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/05/25/to-be-or-not-to.html", "title": "To Be or Not To Be...", "content_html": "

\"to “To Be or Not To Be…”

\n

That is the question Shakespeare asked of us. It indicates a choice is to be made. It forces the person being asked to take an active role in the conversation. It is existential. It is profound. It is the square root of who we are.

\n

When I was in my forties, I had a teenager and a toddler and a husband who worked a difficult job and was gone long hours. He wasn’t a demonstrative person. I was involved in a hundred different things, trying to keep all the plates spinning on the sticks like the guy on Ted Mack’s Amateur Hour. Yet my soul was starving to death and when everything came crashing down around me, as it was bound to do, I saw a psychiatrist for depression and anxiety. We had worked together for a few weeks when he asked me a question I could not answer. As a matter of fact, I could not comprehend what was being asked.

\n

“What does GINNY want?”

\n

I was dumbfounded. Not only did I not know what Ginny wanted…I didn’t know who Ginny WAS. I don’t mean in an amnesiac kind of way. I mean in an existential kind of way. I was in my forties and no one, including myself, had ever asked me what I wanted. I changed doctors. I thought something was wrong with him to ask such a weird question. I could not relate.

\n

I did finally get better and it was a terribly rocky road to get there. But, even in my “wellness”, I didn’t realize I still couldn’t answer the question. I didn’t realize I still didn’t understand what was being asked. Not until a few months after Mr. Virgo died did I confront my identity.

\n

Initially it was “Who am I without Mr. Virgo?” I’m a mother…a grandmother…an aunt, sister, friend, employee, artist, writer, explorer…yada, yada, yada. These are my roles in life…my assigned titles that categorize where I sit at the big kid’s table. I am a Christian and that gives me great comfort. But….what do I want? The BIG “I”. The “I” that expands far beyond the confines of familial roles.

\n

This is the first time I have felt my “wholeness”. I feel expansive with limitless possibilities. I’m learning to enjoy my own company without relying on someone else’s compass. I like this person I am becoming. I love that I am a spacial thinker. I love that I am just the right age and size and that my skin fits me and makes reminders around my eyes that I have had great moments of joy in my life. I get a kick out of my ability to find the humor in just about any situation. I am touched by my heart when it aches with compassion. I am happy that I can cry tears of grief for a man I loved more than life. It means I HAD that love…that I FELT that connection with another soul. And I am grateful that I hold these memories close to my heart. They comfort me as well.

\n

I don’t know if I will always be alone. But for right now, I am busy stretching my wings, flapping them around, doing a few little test flights here and there. I’m learning, not only what Ginny WANTS, but also who Ginny IS. I am making an active choice…to be or not to be. I am happy to just be ME.

\n

<3

\n", "date_published": "2014-05-25T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/05/25/to-be-or-not-to.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/05/04/conviction.html", "title": "Conviction", "content_html": "

\"confucius “Conviction”

\n

When we travel through life on autopilot, we do ourselves a disservice. We deny ourselves the real experience of living out loud, with gusto…with conviction. We need to live life like we mean it, like this is the only day we have…because it is. I have friends who have lost loved ones recently. One is in her 40’s with three little ones under 7 and lost her husband suddenly. He was 42. My loss was great. Her loss…what words can you say?

\n

No death is easy, but these “snatch deaths” are brutal. They’re there. Then they’re not. Just like that. I don’t claim to understand why. None of us can. Oh, we can intellectualize, sure. We can point out poor life choices. We can blame it on genetics. We can look at the bottom line truth of biology. We can turn to our faith and say God needed our loved one more that we did…it “was his time”. I wish I had some words of wisdom, some token of comfort today. But, today is just one of those days that I’m frustrated with my loss. I have made the decision to sell the house and move but the amount of work that it is going to take has me sitting scratching my head, wondering where on earth to start. I hate that feeling of paralysis knowing full well all it takes is making that first step…cutting things into bite sized pieces. I know how. I’ve done it a hundred times. And I also know myself well enough to know these things can’t be forced. I will sit with it in my lap and the motivation will hit me like a tidal wave. I just have to sit quietly with it and remind myself that I have control. I can make choices. I am not stuck or frozen. I am plugged in, like my cellphone, charging up and when the line hits green…I’ll run like my pants are on fire. Until then, I will be patient. I will wait.

\n", "date_published": "2014-05-04T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/05/04/conviction.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Grace","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/07/simplicity.html", "title": "Simplicity", "content_html": "

\"ram “We’re all just walking each other home.” Ram Dass

\n

Long stretches of silence brings us closer to the source. For me, that source is God and I find His peace deep within. My latest trip brought me into close communion with my source as well as a deep reconnection with nature. I could feel the rhythms of the earth. I heard the wind as it rocked my trailer. I smelled the rain in the air. I felt the chill of snow on my back as I lay in the hot springs whose very source is from deep within our planet. My breathing became regular and easy. My sleep was deep and dreamless. My pulse slowed and my mind became quiet. Life became very simple. Good coffee. Writing. Reading. Walking. Visiting with like minded spirits. Yoga. Stretching. Napping. Vegetarian dishes served with intention and love. Meditation. Prayer. Peace.

\n

We really are one. We are all in this together. What we do on a daily basis has profound impact on the world around us and that ripples out further and further. We get so busy and feel so small and ineffectual. One. One small thing. One small act of kindness. One small gesture of compassion. Can you imagine if every single person, every single day, did one small thing to raise the consciousness of our planet what a difference that would make in the world? Can you imagine if every person in the world said one small prayer every day in their own way of praying what a powerful thing that is?

\n

We must walk each other home.

\n", "date_published": "2014-04-07T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/07/simplicity.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/25/any-road.html", "title": "Any Road...", "content_html": "

\"any “If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.” Lewis Carroll

\n

When I left Denver this morning, it was spitting snow. I’ve lived here long enough to know when it’s snowing down low, you can just about guarantee it is snowing up high. I got a much later start than I anticipated but, being my mother’s daughter (read…stubborn), I decided to hit the road, come what may. My concern for TOW-Wanda’s well being gave me pause however, so I called a friend and asked him to read the weather and road conditions to me. My original plan was to take the scenic route but that would have taken me on a two lane blacktop through a 40 mile stretch that was experiencing 50MPH winds with blowing snow. The alternate route was not nearly as pretty and I didn’t get to pop in and surprise my friend, Emile. (Sorry, sweetie…next time!) It also added 2.5 hours to my drive, but I made it to the hot springs resort which was to be tomorrow’s destination. An extra day of yoga, meditation, soaking, and art can’t hurt! $22.50/night to camp right at the springs. $10 for a GREAT bowl of vegan tortilla soup with bread and a non-alcohol beer. Yummmmm! Soaking this evening did cost $15 plus I bought a lock for the locker for $5 but that I can use for lots of things. Tomorrow, $25 gets an 80 minute yoga class, a full day pass to the pool, as well as use of the eucalyptus steam and sauna. A hidden gem! (My friends worry when I divulge where I am staying, so I will let you know where this is when I get to my next place in a couple of days!)

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Ommmmmmmmm…..

\n", "date_published": "2014-03-25T01:30:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/25/any-road.html", "tags": ["Faith","Camping","Comfort","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/10/my-journey.html", "title": "My Journey", "content_html": "

\"journey “My Journey”

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This has been a life changing year. The life I had planned, the one that included growing old with Mr. Virgo, ended abruptly a year ago this Wednesday. I sat in limbo, somewhere between then and now, in a fog of pain and self-doubt but filled with the determination that not only would I survive this challenge, I would thrive. There have been ups and downs, ins and outs, feelings of cowardice and courage. By the Grace of God…here I am. Open, filled with a joyful spirit, and ever, EVER grateful for all that I have. My life is abundant. I wrote this yesterday to post this morning. I already have Tuesday and Wednesday’s messages scheduled to post because today I am retreating with TOW-Wanda for a couple of days. I need to be alone with my thoughts and my memories. I need to just BE. I’ll be back Wednesday and will tell you all about it in Thursday’s post. That will be the first day of the rest of my life. I’m good. Don’t worry. I just want to be alone for a bit.

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Love you all so much!

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<3 Ginny

\n", "date_published": "2014-03-10T01:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/10/my-journey.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/05/resurrection.html", "title": "Resurrection", "content_html": "

\"man “What if they came back?”

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No, not in the Christian sense. There is a new show starting March 9th…two days before the anniversary of Mr. Virgo’s death. It’s called “The Resurrection” and it’s about people coming back from the dead. Science fiction. Apparently it’s being advertised pretty heavily. I’m glad I don’t watch TV.

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When I first read about it, I thought “That’s something Mr. Virgo and I might have watched together and enjoyed.” Then I went to the website and saw stills of the actors, with the stunned looks on their faces as they “saw” their loved ones lost for the first time. A look of disbelief, hope, relief. I felt my heart twist. Did these program developers give any thought to how their show might be received by those who are grieving? Apparently not.

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How do you feel about “The Resurrection”? Will you watch it? At what point does our armor get so thick things like this cannot penetrate our hearts?

\n", "date_published": "2014-03-05T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/05/resurrection.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/18/letting-go.html", "title": "Letting Go", "content_html": "

\"letting “Letting Go”

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This has been on my mind for a little while now. Every day is bringing me closer to the end of this journey. Not the end of feelings or sudden waves of grief, but the end of the “Year of the Loss”. A year ago we were enjoying his day off together. We would have had breakfast, watched some TV, maybe gone out for a drive. We would have cooked dinner together. We would have laughed and hugged and held hands. And three weeks later, on his Tuesday off, he was gone.

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Letting go. Letting go of what? My love for him? Never. I will always love him, just as I love my two other husbands. (Yes, I’ve taken up three women’s quotas in the husband department. Sorry.) My memories of him? The important ones will stick around close to the front. Others will eventually file towards the back of the room. I’ve already let go of his physical presence. I haven’t reached for him in the middle of the night in a long, long time.

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So, what else is there to let go of? Attachment. I know many women who will always and forever be “George’s wife” and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It would have been unthinkable that my grandma would forsake her marriage after Pop-Pop died. She went on and lived 28 years without a man. My mom never dated after her divorce and lived another 24 years without a man. Maybe it’s because I have already suffered the loss of two marriages that makes the act of letting go something that can even be considered. Maybe it is the times we are living in that allow moving on to be more socially acceptable.

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Will I ever actually marry again? I would like to…if it’s meant to be…if it’s the right guy…if our love is epic. In this day and age there are so many factors besides love and companionship to consider. There are finances and tax considerations nowadays that do not reward marriage. But, there are tenets in my faith that condemn cohabitation. Luckily, this is an issue I don’t need to solve today and hopefully, when God brings me another partner, we will be able to work it all out together. I know I won’t be alone forever. I don’t want to be.

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I was forced by definition to let go of being married…well, at least by definition on certain forms. I’ll never forget someone saying shortly after Mr. Virgo died, “You’re not married anymore. Your husband died. You are a widow.” I was hurt and offended and angry that society was taking something away from me that I wasn’t ready to relinquish. I still say “My husband died.” But I just as often, if not more, refer to him as my late husband.

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Letting go is a process. It is a choice. Choosing to let go is not something that should be judged by others. It’s like learning to walk all over again…you reach back for that hand that steadied you till you can do it on your own. And, if you are so blessed, a new hand appears.

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Photo courtesy of Humanity Healing.

\n", "date_published": "2014-02-18T02:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/18/letting-go.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/10/heaven.html", "title": "Heaven", "content_html": "

\"view “Mr. Virgo’s Idea of Heaven”

\n

Mr. Virgo lived his life. He had stories that were so entertaining, I would often ask him to tell me over and over. I marveled at the places he went, the people he met, the things he did. He lived his life, but he also questioned what was coming next. He was a Christian, so he knew he was going to Heaven. But, what does Heaven look like? Is it some ethereal thing with streets paved in gold? Is it like earth, only different? Is it whatever you want it to be? There are those who claim to have been there during near-death experiences and I’m not sure I have read any two accounts that match exactly. Mr. Virgo and I used to talk about it. We would theorize, debate, quote, read, watch movies and discuss just what we felt it would be like. His view of Heaven was very simple. It was this picture, taken at an overlook near Pagosa Springs, Colorado. Whenever we would stop here on our way down from the mountains, he would just stare out at this vista and sigh. This was perfection. He would have a log cabin. He would be a mountain man, hunting and trapping and gathering food. He would chop his own wood and carry water from a pristine stream. He would fish and bake biscuits in a Dutch oven. He would sit on the front porch in the evening in a rocking chair he built himself. He would whittle and listen to the evening birds as they swooped to catch the mayflies. And he would visit with God. He pictured God sitting on that front porch with him every evening, discussing the great mysteries of life. He would see his family again. He would meet Lincoln, and JFK, and Mother Theresa. He would rest. He was most looking forward to seeing Jesus. He wanted to ask him every question there was to ask.

\n

I like to look at this picture and imagine him doing all those things he said he would do in Heaven. I like to picture him with Jesus. It gives me peace.

\n", "date_published": "2014-02-10T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/10/heaven.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/01/28/what-god-sees.html", "title": "What God Sees", "content_html": "

\"Girls “Girls at Camp”

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There are so many things in life that we are uncomfortable talking about. Death is obvious, and I make it a point to discuss the subject openly and honestly as it affects me personally. Yet, I believe one of the most difficult topics to discuss openly is abuse…physical, emotional, sexual. It is just as uncomfortable to talk about today as it was 50 years ago even though great strides have been made to bring it to light. I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse, on more than one occasion, by more than one person. The memories didn’t fully surface until my own daughters were the ages I was when my abuse occurred. I sought professional help to work through what had happened to me and how it affected my self-perception. When I started seeing a grief counsellor in October, we did a session of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to rid me of a traumatic image of Mr. Virgo that kept resurfacing. Once that was relieved, I asked if EMDR works on traumatic memories from childhood and I was assured that it can. I scheduled a second session and prepared myself to relive the trauma of my abuse all over again in my mind.

\n

EMDR consists of holding the traumatic image in your mind and watching either the therapists’ back and forth hand motion or moving lights, revealing any new or changed images, then holding onto that new image while the process is repeated. After about the third round, I noticed that the “bad boy” was no longer with me in the image of the garage. Instead, I was standing in a pool of light, alone. It was a relief. What happened next though was astonishing. My next vision was of a massive figure…tall, made of light, powerful…holding a sword in one hand and pointing toward the darkness with the other. She was fierce, her face twisted with the anger of a mama grizzly protecting her young. I knew in an instant she was my Guardian Angel. I felt she had been with me all of my life, even in the ER when Mr. Virgo died. I felt comforted, yet again, knowing in truth that we are never alone, no matter how isolated we feel as we travel along our path.

\n

My grief counsellor is faith based which also gives me great comfort. After the EMDR session was complete, she asked if I would be interested in doing a SOZO prayer with her. The SOZO Ministry is a “unique inner healing and deliverance ministry aimed to get to the root of things hindering your personal connection with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. With a healed connection, you can walk in the destiny to which you have been called.” I’m all about praying so I agreed to try. She said a prayer and had me repeat it. I have no recollection of what was said. She asked a question and I answered. Can’t recall that one either. Then she asked me to repeat after her, “God, how do You see me?” Oh, my gosh! I was immediately shown an image as if it was happening right there in the room. What I saw was myself, as a little girl, in a white dress, barefoot in the dusty dirt of a summer’s day. I was standing beneath the huge oak tree near the garage where I had been molested and I was spinning and dancing, looking up at the sky between the branches, the sun dappled on my tanned arms and legs. I was laughing at something beyond my vision. I was free, pure, delightful, untouched. I was innocent and unselfconscious. I was…AM…all of those things in God’s eyes. I had liberated myself years ago from the chains of self-loathing I had strapped on without realizing the root of my pain was in how I perceived myself, not in how I really am. But this was a remarkable image of the way God actually sees me.

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My uncle once told me, whenever you feel you are indispensable or important in the world, just stick your hand in a bucket of water, pull it back out, then look to see what kind of impression you made. I told a dear friend about this “lesson” in life and he stunned me. He said, “Ginny, when you stick your hand in a bucket of water, the water level rises. And when you remove your hand, not only does the water level drop, there is actually less water in the bucket than before.” What a beautiful way to look at your place in the world. You deserve to be here. You are important. You are what GOD sees, not what YOU…or anyone…else sees.

\n", "date_published": "2014-01-28T02:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/01/28/what-god-sees.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/01/27/faith.html", "title": "Faith", "content_html": "

\"faith “Faith. It doesn’t make things easy. It makes things possible.”

\n

I spoke with a dear friend tonight. Her mother has been given three months to live. Theirs was a difficult relationship yet, of the five siblings, she is the one attending to her mother’s needs. We discussed how difficult this situation is yet she says she has never been more at peace. It’s like a flow of energy she’s being carried on. I totally understand this. I feel it every day. I think this is what people see “on” me when they tell me I look peaceful, radiant. It’s that flow of energy.

\n

It reminds me of a story. A friend was kayaking down a rough stretch of river. He came to some Class III and IV rapids and it had rained the night before so things were pretty rough. He was, quite literally, over his head as far as skill level was concerned. He came to a particularly rough rapid, a waterfall really, and realized he was going to hit it sideways, which was a recipe for certain disaster as the water was also freezing. He paddled and kept trying to turn his nose downstream but his tail kept getting swept that way. Suddenly, he realized the current didn’t care which point of the kayak went downstream and he just relaxed and went with the flow. He had to let go, and faith carried him through. It wasn’t easy…but it was possible.

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Sometimes we are asked to do that one thing we really don’t want to do. The parable of the man who couldn’t give up his possessions when Jesus asked him to follow him comes to mind. He would have been so richly rewarded. The Gates of Heaven would have opened up on him had he only had faith.

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Maybe we shouldn’t fight so hard to get where we think God wants us to go. Maybe it’s like dancing and we need to learn how to follow and not try to lead all the time. Faith is walking to the edge of all that you have…and taking another step.

\n", "date_published": "2014-01-27T02:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/01/27/faith.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/01/25/a-leap-of-faith.html", "title": "A Leap of Faith", "content_html": "

\"grand “Grand Canyon”

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In 2011, Mr. Virgo and I found ourselves living in Denver and hating it. We both had long commutes and felt like hamsters on a wheel merely moving from the cage of home to the cage of work. One day in May, Mr. Virgo came home from work and looked so worn down. Our renters had decided not to renew the lease on our house in the mountains so I took one look and my poor man and said, “Why don’t we just go in to work tomorrow and quit our jobs and go home?” His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and within two weeks, we were moved and settling in. We neither one had jobs, nor were there any good prospects. This, like many other times in my life, was a leap of faith. I knew in my heart it was time to go home and everything else would fall into place. God always takes care of us.

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Mr. Virgo and I spent the summer getting the house in good shape and repaired the landscaping. Then we took off for two weeks and went back to WV to visit family. We had a wonderful trip and were well rested and ready to go when we returned. Mr. V hit the computer hard and sent out resume after resume and it wasn’t long till he had a job. I hadn’t done a thing.

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Mr. V: “Shouldn’t you be putting your resume out there and start applying for jobs?”

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Me: “It’s not time yet.”

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Mr. V: “What do you mean?”

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Me: “The perfect job is coming but she’s not ready for me yet.”

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Mr. V, puzzled: “WHO’S not ready for you yet?”

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Me: “Beats me. The perfect job is coming but not till the end of August.”

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He knew me well enough by that time to know not to question me when I got one of my “feelings” and he left it alone. Sure enough, I answered an ad in the paper on August 25th and had the job two days later. This kind of thing happens to me all the time and I have learned not to question it. I believe it’s a God thing. Sometimes it’s an inner voice. Sometimes it’s a gut feeling. Sometimes it’s a message that jumps at me, like words jumping off a page. It used to frighten me, but after it happened so many times, I’ve learned to trust it. Writing this blog and the book I am compiling is like that…I just know it’s what I’m supposed to be doing and where it takes me will surely unfold like a roadmap taken from the glove box.

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Sometimes we just have to jump and the net will appear. We have to have faith.

\n", "date_published": "2014-01-25T02:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/01/25/a-leap-of-faith.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Growth"] } ] }