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I really look forward to our stitching group on Monday Mornings, although…if it were my choice, we’d meet at a more civilized time than 9:00AM on a Monday Morning. But, beggars can’t be chooser and this forces me to get up and do something productive. I’ve been crocheting lately…making baskets for the girls for Christmas gifts.
\n\n\nI took some Sourdough Cinnamon Rolls with me for snacks yesterday and they were a big hit. I was going to take homemade pop tarts this week, but since I baked all day yesterday and cleaned the kitchen forty-two times, I decided I’ll take them next week. I kind of stumbled upon them by accident and now, I can’t wait to make more. I’ve decided I can make one sweet treat a week. We don’t need to be eating all that sugar.
\n\n\nThe weather was a little cooler yesterday with some rain during the night. I’m still going to tough it out in the camper even though last night was predicted to get down to 31° last night. At first I wasn’t feeling the joy that I normally feel, but now that I’ve been out here a few times, and we’ve booked our first camping trip of the year…I’m getting excited again.
\n\n\nI need to make a trip to Colorado every year to see the kids and my brother, and we really enjoy pulling the camper out there and spending a month. But that’s getting too pricey. And, my old truck is the only thing we can reliably tow the camper with and I have 163,000+ miles on it. That trip to Colorado and back is really hard on it and right now, we don’t have the money to replace it. So I’m having to come up with an alternative. In order to make it more affordable this year, we’ve decided I’ll go out by myself.
\n\n\nI’ve never taken the train that far before. I took it from Colorado to California a couple of times. The first without a sleeper, and the second with an economy sleeper which was perfectly adequate. However…sleepers are incredibly expensive so I’m ruling that out. I could rent a car but I’d still have to drive out there and I don’t drive more than 400 or so miles a day. It would take me a few days each way. That brings up the subject of lodging. If I have to stay in hotels, it becomes cost prohibitive again.
\n\n\nI haven’t flown since before the Covid lockdown for a number of reasons. Once the quarantine was lifted, passengers were becoming increasingly unruly. Then prices continued to rise and now planes are falling out of the air. I know intellectually that flying is probably the safest form of transportation, but I will really have to give myself some huge pep talks to get on a plane. I think that’s the most logical solution, though. I can get there fast and not be so exhausted when I arrive. I’ll have to rely on my peeps to give me lots of encouragement and prayers, though. I’ve turned into a bit of a weenie in my old age! lol
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6933246ed8.jpg\")
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I’ve got four months to psyche myself up for the adventure! In the meantime, spring is breaking out all over! Our forsythia are starting to bloom and the flowering quince has nice fat buds on them. The iris had shot up six or eight inches. There are daffodils all along the road into town and I’ve seen lots of crocus. Mrs. FixIt 1.0 had beautiful crocus and jonquils along the edge of her house, but she told me yesterday the frost nipped them. I’m glad I got some pictures the other day when they were at their peak.
\n\n\nSo, it’s only Tuesday and I need a margarita but since I don’t drink…I ate a cinnamon roll. That’ll do!
\n\n\n💚
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“The flowers are springing up, the season of singing birds has come, and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air.” Song of Songs 2:12 NLT
\n\n
***Gratitude Journal***\n\n", "date_published": "2025-03-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/03/18/noshing-with-the-monday-stitchers.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Fear","Courage","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/03/11/the-ol-bait-and-switch.html", "title": "The Ol’ Bait and Switch", "content_html": "\n
Today I am grateful our little great grandson wasn’t hurt too bad on Sunday. He had a little altercation with a tiny dirt bike and cracked a bone in his wrist. Three weeks in a cast and he’ll be good as new! My husband’s family is mine too and I’m so thankful to add them to my brood.
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c9f74261b4.jpg\")
“I picked these red flags just for you!”
\n\n\nIt’s the oldest trick in the book…reel ‘em in till you catch ‘em. They often promise one thing then pull the rug out from under you. Once they know they’ve got you, the plan is put in motion. Take away little things. Make you doubt yourself. Isolate you. And when they have you where they want you, the real abuse begins.
\n\n\nThere was a young woman on a different social media platform yesterday who asked for opinions regarding an issue she was having with her boyfriend. It appears they broke up at one point then got back together. Then they pretty quickly moved in together. She had her own little car…her first big girl purchase that she was very proud of. Somehow, her boyfriend got her to put his name on the title and now he wants to sell it. She uses that car to get to and from work. They live miles out of town…no convenient way to get to a grocery store. If he sold the car, she would have to rely on him to take her anywhere she wanted to go. She wanted to know what she should do.
\n\n\nOoooooooh….the hair stood up on the back of my neck.
\n\n\nShe KNOWS what she has to do…but she’s already in so far, it won’t be easy. She KNOWS this situation could turn violent, yet she’s afraid to go it alone. She KNOWS women often die in these situations, but he always comes back with something sweet and tells her how sorry he is. He tells her, “If you didn’t do ___________ all the time, I wouldn’t have to be like this.”
\n\n\nGaslighting.
\n\n\nThe problem is…this person is bringing you bouquets of red flags wrapped in ribbons and you see roses. It happens more often to young women who maybe haven’t had enough knocks from life yet to see through the lies. Maybe their daddy was the same way with their mommy and they think this is how men are supposed to treat women.
\n\n\nWhen I see this, I want to grab the girl and run, trying to put some sense in her head. It seems like such a cynical thing to have to teach your daughters when they’re growing up. Some do, but sometimes the mother went through the same thing and she thinks the best way to survive is just to make yourself less so he is made more. It is not easy to get women away from an abuser.
\n\n\nUnfortunately, it’s not always a boyfriend. It can be someone you trusted like your friend’s dad, the pastor, the bigger boy down the street, the frat boys on campus, your boss, a star, or even an elected official. It’s especially dangerous when you’ve been groomed by the offender…sometimes for years. They promise you safety then they rip you apart with a chainsaw.
\n\n\nBut here’s the hope….you don’t have to live this way. You can escape abuse. Find trusted allies. Make a careful plan then execute it quickly. There is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting you’ve made a huge mistake by hooking up with the wrong guy. There are people who want to help get you to safety. You just have to be brave and find them. Life can be beautiful on the other side of abuse. It won’t be easy, but finding peace again will be worth it.
\n\n\nA lot of women out there could sure use a helping hand by someone who’s been there. Please feel free to share this with others who might find themselves in hard situations and they’re just now seeing the red flags. You can’t imagine how much a simple “Are you ok?” can do for someone feeling afraid or hopeless. Check in on people you suspect may be having a hard time.
\n\n\nGraduation is coming up soon and a lot of young women are preparing to go out into the big world…on their own. Let’s keep them safe.
\n\n\n💚
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“But if you do what is wrong, you will be paid back for the wrong you have done. For God has no favorites.” Colossians 3:25 NLT
\n\n
***Gratitude Journal***\n\n\n
Today I am grateful for the wisdom I’ve gained in my senior years. I see red flags a lot clearer now than I did in early adulthood.
Edit: A friend pointed out to me…men are also victims of gaslighting and abuse. I didn’t mean to overlook them. Thank you, Lin.
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-03-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/03/11/the-ol-bait-and-switch.html", "tags": ["Hope","Growth","Fear","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/12/08/its-time-for-my-annual.html", "title": "It’s Time for my Annual PSA", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/18cd8d8c37.jpg\")
Every year I get up on my little soapbox and talk to you about why I say “Happy Holidays.” Now, before we go any further, I’m not saying this should be YOUR greeting if what you wish to say is Merry Christmas! If you’ve been reading my blog for any length of time, you know I lived a Jewish life for twenty eight years so I have personal experience. Someone who is Jewish will most likely never say a word when you wish them Merry Christmas, even though Hanukkah may have already started. After all, they would never think to come up to you and say Happy Hanukkah. They more than likely will give you a gracious “Thank you…and same to you!” There is no offense taken.
\n\n\nBut we are living in dangerous times right now. Hate is rising fast and antisemitism has reared it’s ugly head in a BIG way. I cannot express enough how scary this is to me. My family is Jewish. My children and grandchildren identify deeply with Judaism, even if they are not practicing Jews. I cannot sit idly aside and say nothing.
\n\n\nI have experienced antisemitism myself. Someone in my own family treated me with contempt and asked me to put my Star of David inside my sweater. When my Jewish husband expressed an interest in moving to West Virginia to open a practice, this same family member told him, and I quote… “Well, we had a family of Jews down here once. Come down here from New York City. Wanted to change this and change that. Well, they lit outta here pretty quick when they burned that cross on their lawn!” To. His. Face.
\n\n\nI’ve held my child while she cried because the other kids called her a “stupid ****ing Jew.”
\n\n\nThis hatred against people for who and what they are is straight from the devil himself. God is Love. The very God these people profess to follow would NEVER treat people like that. The Jews are His CHOSEN people! JESUS was Jewish. He never wore a cross because he hadn’t been crucified yet. Christianity hadn’t been truly formed yet.
\n\n\nI don’t want to go on and on about it, but there are FOURTEEN religious holidays between Thanksgiving and Christmas. From St. Nicholas Day to Bodhi Day to Yule to Zarathosht Diso…many faiths celebrate during the month of December.
\n\n\nSince I am not a mind reader, and I cannot tell what someone believes by looking at them, I say Happy Holidays. Because, chances are, they’re celebrating at least one of them this month. If I know for certain they celebrate Christmas, then of course…I say a hearty Merry Christmas to them. If I know for certain they are Jewish, I say Happy Hanukkah.
\n\n\nOtherwise, it’s Happy Holidays from this left wing liberal hippy-chick farm girl!
\n\n\nI’m not scolding anyone. I’m just asking those who mistreat others to put themselves in the shoes of the downtrodden, the marginalized, the oppressed, the belittled, the victimized, the beleaguered, the beaten down, the underdog. Because they are just as human as any of us.
\n\n\n🩵
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n”If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.“
\n1 John 4:20 ESV\n
#NoLoveKnowHate, #KnowLoveNoHate, #NoHate
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-12-08T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/12/08/its-time-for-my-annual.html", "tags": ["Love","Peace","Wisdom","Anger","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/06/15/what-we-see-matters.html", "title": "What We See Matters", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ce6b876e84.jpg\")
The Bible tells us that our eyes are like lamps that bring light into our bodies. The health of our eyes will determine if our bodies are healthy, filled with light…or unhealthy, filled with darkness. I’ve been pondering this a great deal lately. Without delving into politics, I will say we are being given many opportunities to practice this noble and wise scripture this week. I knew in my heart that the events of Tuesday were liable to serve as a key to open the floodgates of angry and hateful rhetoric.
\n\n\nThere are people who planned hateful things on Tuesday. I kept hearing rumors of it, never dreaming it would come to my doorstep. Then I received a private message on my Facebook page by some man I did not know. Usually those are fairly innocuous pleas to make them the happiest man in the world and send them a friend request. Yeah…that’s a hard pass, fella. You’d have to get up pretty early to pull one over on me.
\n\n\nThis message was different. My profile picture for the month of June is a series of colorful stripes with the word ALLY across it…in support of my daughter and her wife and my countless friends who are members of the LGBTQ+ community. The message I received was hate filled with ugly, vulgar terms to describe who I am for displaying such a thing. My first thought was shock. I surely wasn’t expecting something like that. Then I was angry and frustrated because this is what my beautiful daughter and daughter-in-law face on the daily.
\n\n\nThen I felt pity. Pity that people feel they need to treat others with such hatred and ugliness. Pity that he obviously doesn’t know Jesus. The Biblical Jesus that I know. I knew his eyes must be unhealthy because he had such darkness in him. I wish he knew how much Jesus loves him and how much better his life could be if only he would find Him. I’m witness to know the incredible difference a life walking with God makes. I prayed for his salvation, then I blocked him and reported the attack to Facebook. I did not engage him because that’s what people like this want. Reaction. I failed to give him that.
\n\n\nTuesday night, Daughter #2 called to wish me a happy birthday. She wanted to know all about my day and when I asked her about hers, she said it was great…right up to the very last minute before closing. She received a phone call at work from a man that sounded pleasant enough. He asked if they carried a certain product. She said they did. He went on to tell her why he needed it and the thought maybe he was oversharing a little bit so she just made a pleasant comment about how glad she was it helped. Then he said, “Well enough about that. Let’s talk about the f.i.n.a.l s.o.l.u.t.i.o.n. There’s J.E.W.S out there, you know!” (For those of you who do not know what that is, it’s what the N.a.z.i.s called the H.o.l.o.c.a.u.s.t.) I am writing this with p.e.r.i.o.d.s between the letters of certain words to keep from drawing the attention of nefarious people.
\n\n\nNow, you have to understand…my daughter grew up J.e.w.i.s.h in a small community in Colorado. She was bullied all through school because of her religious identity. As a matter of fact, it was so bad it caused her to self-harm and nearly drove her to s.u.i.c.i.d.e. So when this guy called and laid that on HER doorstep, she didn’t miss a beat and lit into him with the same mouth I used to kiss good night when she was little. She is fierce and stands up to people. Unfortunately, in this day and age, that can be outright dangerous and as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew she had given him exactly what he wanted.
\n\n\nI’m not telling you this to stir things up. I won’t engage in debates over things such as this. I’ll do all the things I can to combat hatred in all forms. And I’ll pray fiercely in hopes that we can somehow normalize kindness and love our neighbors again. We cannot hide our heads in the sand and think this kind of thing isn’t happening everywhere. But we CAN choose wisely what we let into our eyes and make a conscious effort to feed the light.
\n\n\nThere are two animals within us…a good one and a bad one. The one we feed is the one who survives.
\n\n\n❤️?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n““Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when it is unhealthy, your body is filled with darkness. Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness. If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.””
\nLuke 11:34-36 NLT\n
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
\n\n\nBring Peace into your garden with one of my photographs and a fitting scripture…John 14:27
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6e514ad7f3.jpg\")
![\"Black](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/01c9680579.jpg\")
One thing that has certainly changed since Mr. Virgo’s death is my perceptions. Life itself is finite and the veil is so thin. You’re here. Then you aren’t here. When that reality actually sinks in…when it’s been someone who means the world to you…you will never, ever see life the the same way. It’s inescapable.
\n\n\nWe had a near tragedy here at Marshmallow Ranch yesterday. Mr. FixIt waited for the temp to come up a bit before he let Pumpkin Kitty out of her cozy building to get a little fresh air. We were supposed to go to town around 10:30am for a birthday party, but we had a little skiff of snow and the scuttlebutt on Facebook said the roads were glazed with ice. I don’t like this road in good weather. I just had this niggling feeling we needed to stay home.
\n\n\nAfter Mr. FixIt let the cat out, he went to the building to refill the bird feeders. I was sitting in the living room, working on my laptop, when I hear this blood curdling scream. I ran to the door and listened and I could tell it was coming from inside the fenced yard. At first, I thought it was Mr. FixIt and something had happened to him. Then I realized it was an animal. Sound travels weird out here with the metal building and I couldn’t tell where the sound was coming from.
\n\n\nI was going to go on the other side of the pool because it sounded like it was perhaps an animal that was hit on the road above us. Then, suddenly I heard splashing water. Something was in the pool! With my heart in my throat, I ran to the edge of the pool and there was our Pumpkin Kitty, sinking to the bottom, her eyes opened wide!
\n\n\nI reached down as far as I could without jumping in myself, and grabbed the scruff of her neck. I knew if I let go of her, she would run off and freeze to death. So I ran to the door of the building and yelled to Mr. FixIt to come in the house right away…I needed him. Then I ran into the house and wrapped the poor soggy cat in three thick towels. Mr. FixIt popped his head in the door of the bathroom and asked what he could do.
\n\n\nI asked him to plug his heating pad into the power strip by the Big Red Chair. I went out and sat in the chair and he covered the kitty and me with my fleece throw and wrapped the heating pad around the poor cat. She was shivering like crazy, but I held her close…something she detests. (The picture above is an old photo. The last thing I was thinking about yesterday was taking a picture of me holding her. I just wanted her to get warm!) Those towels were wrapped around her tight and she wasn’t getting away. I sat there for a couple hours, rocking her and whispering comforting words to her.
\n\n\nThen I asked Mr. FixIt to get her popup enclosure out of the garage. It looks something like a popup tent with screened in sides. We put a big blanket in the enclosure and I put Pumpkin inside. By this time she was pretty dry. I placed the enclosure over near the gas stove in the corner, and there she stayed for the rest of the day. She was finally warm and cozy and she slept for a couple of hours.
\n\n\nBy the late afternoon, we took her back out to her heated bedroom and she snuggled right into the blankets in her bed. We dodged a huge bullet yesterday, but it taught me a lesson. I’ve been looking at animal safety ladders for pools. I never bought one because I didn’t find one that looked like it could support a cat. They’re mostly for frogs and squirrels. I have designed one that will support a good sized animal and will buy the necessary supplies to build one right away.
\n\n\nBut first, I needed to figure out how she fell in the pool. She loves to walk around the railing of the pool. She has never slipped in before, but we had that dusting of snow Thursday night. Judging by her footprints, we figure she went to the railing and when she jumped up, she slipped on the ice and fell in. Let me tell you…we’ll be figuring out some way to keep her out of that pool one way or another, that’s for sure.
\n\n\nThis explains the nudging…the whispering of the Holy Spirit…telling me not to go to town. Because, if we would have, there is no way our poor kitty would have survived. We were meant to be there to help her. I’m hoping this teaches her a lesson and she stays away from the pool. But no matter what, we’re coming up with something to protect her…and all other kitties that may come along and try the same thing. We live in the country. Pumpkin is an outdoor kitty…with a twist. She has a 30’x40’ building with a heated bed and heated water dish. She has treats and good food and blankets. She’s a good mouser. We haven’t seen a mouse since she came to live with us in 2019. She’s one of the most pampered outdoor cats you’ll ever find.
\n\n\nWe needed to go to town later in the afternoon so we left after we put her to bed. On the way there, we saw places where cars had slid off the road which further convinced us God didn’t want us going to that birthday party. I feel so guilty because I dropped the ball on creating a safety device to prevent this from happening.
\n\n\nThank you, Lord…for protecting this little black kitty. She’s used up three of her nine lives now.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2023-01-15T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/01/15/the-veil-is-so-thin.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","Fear","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/07/06/an-island-of-sanity-in.html", "title": "An Island of Sanity in a Sea of Madness", "content_html": "\n“Good people are good to their animals; the “good-hearted” bad people kick and abuse them.”
\nProverbs 12:10 MSG\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4457c1d2f4.jpg\")
The view from the front door…which is actually the back door.
\n\n\nI read an op ed yesterday that said both parties want you to be afraid. They’re counting on it. Some for real, scary reasons. Others for whipping up zealous fervor. For me…and for my mental health…I am trying to keep my life on an even keel. There are so many places to seek the truth based on actual facts. I will do all I can to remain sane while staying informed. AND…I will try my best to keep it out of here.
\n\n\nWhy?
\n\n\nBecause…we all need a safe place to land. To read a story. To hear a beautiful piece of music or gaze upon a lovely piece of art. To see goodness in the world. There is STILL goodness in the world….even when it is so, so difficult to see or feel. My friend is going through some hard stuff. She told me the other day…she can’t see God. My heart breaks for her because I’ve been there, too. It’s easy to see and hear God when things are all hunky dory. It’s terribly difficult when life is hitting you from every angle and knocking you down.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/167e161cf7.jpg\")
Our morning visitor…a young red-shouldered hawk.
\n\n\nIt’s so hard when you see the news…when you hear of all the death and destruction. It’s crazy making when you see people do things that are so incredibly out of character because the world is just amping up to the nth degree. It’s so frustrating when you know what needs to be done…what SHOULD be done…but it’s not being done. It’s so hard when you’re grieving the loss of your person. Life can be so hard.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/84ca6d75f2.jpg\")
Our little island of sanity in the sea of madness.
\n\n\nWe do need to be responsible adults. We can’t just stick our heads in the sand. We need to suit up and show up and do the right things. We need to remember Luke 6:31ESV “And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.” I don’t see that very much and if you are professing to be Christian…that’s the whole basis of Christianity. That’s where all the focus should be. Love. Love like you want to be loved.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2e87744eec.jpg\")
The ”Duck Whisperer.”
\n\n\nThat being said…we also need to have moments of respite from the chaos. Pray. Go for a walk. Drink a glass of water. Take the dog for a walk or play with the cat. Play a word game. Listen to praise music or whatever your favorite is. Call a friend. Go out for coffee. Read a book. Sing. Take a yoga class. Learn to knit or crochet or paint or draw or play a musical instrument. Plant flowers. Bake a pie. Clean a closet. Volunteer. One can stay engaged without it sucking the life out of you. I have to be pretty regimented about what I allow in, but that doesn’t mean I’m uniformed.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/36a0f5c7c4.jpg\")
Our babies!
\n\n\nI wanted to share with you a little piece of what my life is like here in West Virginia. This is thirty-one seconds of perfection. This is what I’ve wanted my whole life and now all I have to do is walk out our back door every evening and listen. I wish you could hear it for yourselves in person…to feel the warm evening breeze on your skin…to smell the woods and the freshness from the rain…but, this will have to do.
\n\n\nA July evening in the ”Far Field.”
\n\n\nHang in there, dear ones. We’re going to make it. Just keep your balance between being informed and being peaceful. And if you need more…here are ten promises from God.
\n\n\nI will strengthen, help, and uphold you. Isaiah 41:10
\n\n\nI will never leave you. Have no fear. Hebrews 13:5-6
\n\n\nI gave you power and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
\n\n\nI will comfort you. Psalm 23:4
\n\n\nBe strong and courageous...I am with you. Deuteronomy 31:6
\n\n\nI will give you peace. John 14:27
\n\n\nI'm working in your life beyond your imagination. Ephesians 3:20
\n\n\nI am your strength through everything. Psalm 46:1-3
\n\n\nGive me your troubles, I've got you. Psalm 55:22
\n\n\nI will fight for you. Deuteronomy 20:4
\n\n\nGod's got you. So do all the people who love you.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-07-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/07/06/an-island-of-sanity-in.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Peace","Fear","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/08/too-close-to-home.html", "title": "Too Close to Home", "content_html": "\n“for the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory.’”
\nDeuteronomy 20:4 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5a9407e601.jpg\")
I went to knitting group yesterday. I haven’t been there since I got back from Colorado. I found some yarn to make Big a sweater to take to college with her. I’ve got about 6” of it knitted and I’m not sure I am happy with the yarn itself. It is a blend of baby llama, Merino wool, silk and linen and it’s certainly going to be warm. But it has these weird fibers in it. It’s kinda like pulling out sticks and twigs and leaves and little wiry bits. I’m pulling the stickiest of them out as I knit, but I can just imagine wearing it and getting stuck with these fibers. I know she’d have to wear a shirt under it or it would be really itchy. So, before I knit any more of it, I’ll give it some thought. I might give the yarn to my dear friend, Gail. She is a prolific knitter and I’m sure she could use it. She’s always making hats and mittens and things to give to people who need them.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3bd5992237.jpg\")
When I was at the knit shop, Mr. FixIt took my truck to the body shop to have the rusty areas looked at to see what we can do. When he arrived, the guys in the shop motioned for him to drive the truck in really fast. It turns out, there was a domestic violence situation next door in a trailer park and a man was barricaded inside. He had been firing a gun all morning…out the windows, I guess. The police arrived just before Mr. FixIt got there. And people were still driving up the street and standing around everywhere. The SWAT team came and engaged with the suspect and he was shot in the abdomen. He was rushed to the hospital and straight into surgery.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/65bc8b4045.jpg\")
Mr. FixIt was at the red dot. The shooter was at the red X.
\n\n\nToo close, people. WAY too close.
\n\n\nMy sweetheart got out of there as fast as he could and is fine. He’s a rock, I’m telling you. I’m a puddle. We don’t go anywhere that I’m not looking at everyone. I look for escape routes and suspicious people. I’m happiest on our five acres with Mr. FixIt by my side. That being said, God did not give us a spirit of fear. That doesn’t mean that we won’t face scary things, though.
\n\n\nFear is a normal physiological response. When faced with frightening situations, our bodies pump out a massive surge of adrenalin. The sole purpose of this is to prepare us to either fight the aggressor or run like heck as fast as we can. It is a survival mechanism that has been in place since the dawn of man. It’s how we protect ourselves. That being said, it’s not a place to pitch a tent and live forever. Living in fear is not what the Lord had in mind when He gave us adrenal glands.
\n\n\nRemaining in a state of fear is harmful to our health….in every way. Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. When I am faced with fearful situations, I remind myself to breathe first. Then I ask myself if I am in true danger at the moment. No? Breathe again. If I can do something about it…I do it. If not, I breathe again. Once the threat is past, I’m often left with this lingering jittery feeling and maybe even an upset stomach. That is the adrenalin speaking and it’s not going to kill me no matter how icky it feels.
\n\n\nI’ve found if I just sit, I’m liable to ruminate and make matters worse. Writing helps tremendously. Getting up and doing something diverts my attention. Cleaning the kitchen. Taking out the trash. Stepping into a shower. Going outside and looking at the stars or the clouds…whichever is making its appearance at the time. I usually can’t concentrate on a book and I don’t watch TV. One of the quickest ways to settle my mind and my spirit is to knit and pray. This accomplishes two things…I calm down, and whoever wears what I’m knitting has the added advantage of wrapping themselves in lots and lots of prayers. Win-Win.
\n\n\nI don’t know if there is actually MORE gun violence than normal happening right now or if it’s more the “cause du jour” that the media is focusing on. It seems the rapid fire news cycle is meant to keep us stirred up and angry or fearful. High tension sells news. Whatever the case may be, I’m all about jumping on this wave and riding it to come up with some sort of reasonable bipartisan gun laws that will help stop the madness. When the shots happen that close to those I love dearest in the world, my mama bear energy gets riled up. Thoughts and prayers are very important, but we must DO something.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/08/too-close-to-home.html", "tags": ["Faith","Fear","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/04/09/when-the-images-are-too.html", "title": "When the Images are Too Disturbing", "content_html": "\n“I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.”
\nPsalms 34:4 NLT\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/54e2dc39e3.jpg\")
Our miniature rhododendron is blooming.
\n\n\nWe had a lovely home day. A bowl of oats. Andy Griffith reruns. Knitting. A visit from my bonus daughter and her husband. We watched the most recent episodes of American Idol. It was chilly and rained off and on all day. At 4:30, we bundled up and headed to town for the youngest granddaughter’s softball game.
\n\n\nWe stopped and grabbed a sandwich on the way and at the last minute, Mr. FixIt called to find out if the game was still on and sure enough…it was cancelled. We whipped into one of our favorite discount stores to pick up some pool chemicals. It’ll be time to start working on that project pretty soon.
\n\n\nWhen we walked back into the house and put our things away, I asked my sweetheart to please wait to turn the news on because I just don’t have it in me. When the news anchor says, “I must warn you, these images may be too disturbing to watch.” I’ve only watched the news a handful of times since Ukraine was invaded. And each time was worse than the last. Earlier this week, I saw the bodies in the streets. I simply cannot do that. It is not good for my health…mental or physical.
\n\n\nI do read the news online to get the gist of what’s going on in the world. I don’t have to read all the stories or look at all the pictures to get an understanding of what’s happening. I read a devastating story about a Russian woman who lives in the states. She was a normal person, a good wife and mother, till she started following the news of the Russian invasion. Something broke in her. She became convinced Russian spies were going to come take her children and abuse them. She became paranoid and heard voices. She started drinking heavily and became violent. And finally, she killed her youngest son with her bare hands. In court, she turned to family members in the gallery and told them she loved them and she doesn’t understand what has happened.
\n\n\nWhat happened is what they used to call a “nervous breakdown”. It a sort of trash basket description of a psychotic break, anxiety, or depression. When I was growing up, once in a while I would hear Mom talking about someone having a nervous breakdown. I sort of looked at it as emotional exhaustion. Something that seemed to happen when people were under an inordinate amount of stress. In my child mind, you got to go into the hospital for a nice, weeklong rest from housework and child rearing. It didn’t seem like such a bad thing.
\n\n\nTill it happened to me.
\n\n\nI was going through a terrible stretch in my marriage to Hubby #2. I was stressed, sleep deprived, and had a baby and a sixteen year old. I coped with alcohol and prescription medications. Sometimes I handled things well…other times, not so much. When he’d had all he could take, he was done. My marriage was over and I was so far down the hill, I didn’t know how I would ever get back up again.
\n\n\nI had that “nervous breakdown”. I overdosed on two full bottles of medicine. After two or three days in our local hospital, I went into a behavioral unit for a couple of weeks to get my **** together. That’s when I found out, it wasn’t a nice week off full of tea and cookies and naps in a darkened room. It was brutal and flat out scary. This poor woman who resorted to murder was out of her mind and it doesn’t sound like she was getting any psychiatric help, even though the police had been called to their home at some point.
\n\n\nI am afraid there will be a tsunami of mental health crises in the aftermath of the pandemic and the current events in the world. I’ve had moments in the last year when anxiety overtook me. But, I’ve been to the bottom in the past and I have more tools in my toolbox than I did prior to that hospitalization. I could recognize now if I needed help more urgently. Not everyone has those tools or that insight into their own behaviors. I urge anyone who is struggling with their mental health to reach out to someone for help. You can start with your doctor or clergy person, your spouse or a trusted friend.
\n\n\nThere is absolutely no shame in asking for help with your mental health. No more so than asking for help with a broken arm or a bad gallbladder. Perhaps this time in our civilization will be the catalyst to finally let go of some of the stigmas surrounding mental illness. No one should be left to their own devices during these challenging times to keep both oars in the water. If you are struggling, please reach out to someone who cares.
\n\n\nWe may not be in the same boat, but we are in this storm together. Let’s walk with each other and lift each other up.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-04-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/04/09/when-the-images-are-too.html", "tags": ["Health","Fear","Courage","Choices","Insight","Control","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/23/in-times-like-these.html", "title": "In Times Like These", "content_html": "\n“The waters closed in over me to take my life; the deep surrounded me; weeds were wrapped about my head at the roots of the mountains. I went down to the land whose bars closed upon me forever; yet you brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God. When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple.”
\nJonah 2:5-7 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f8d4bd8894.jpg\")
Paul Harvey once said, “In times like these, it’s helpful to remember that there have always been times like these.” I read that in my morning devotional yesterday and it really struck home. I’m soon to be sixty-nine years old. In those nearly seven decades, there have been plenty of “times like these”. The Cuban Missile Crisis. Assassinations. Wars. Riots. 9/11. The Pandemic. So many challenges. And, through all of them, the biggest sacrifices came in the form of loss and grief.
\n\n\nIt’s easy to let our imaginations run wild and head to the worst case scenarios. There’s nothing wrong with planning and being prepared. But obsessively ruminating over all the bad things is not where God has called us to stand. In Ephesians 6:13, we are instructed to take up the full armor of God so we can withstand the evil of the day and, having done all, to stand firm. Those last six words are the key.
\n\n\nWe need to do our part…do everything we can that God asks us to do, then stand still and watch how he works it all out. Standing still. Letting go. It’s vitally important. Because you cannot hear the voice of God when you’re screaming and in a frenzy.
\n\n\nLife is incredibly beautiful and incredibly hard at the same time. There is so much wonder and so much ugliness. And it all happens at the same time, just not always at the same place. For the most part, we have lived long stretches of what could best be described as a charmed life in this country. We have enjoyed privileges so many in this world cannot even dream of. We’ve come to enjoy that…expect that…even demand that.
\n\n\nEveryone, at one time or another, has experienced great hardship in their lives. The last few years, we have had a collective hardship to bear. Watching the pandemic play out around the globe has perhaps brought us into closer community with our fellow earthlings. We’ve become more aware, dare I say…empathetic. I hope this pulling together continues, because a house divided cannot stand.
\n\n\nOur best way to do that is to remember the scriptures that tell us to not be afraid, to do what God asks us to do, and then stand still…stand firm…and listen to that still, small voice.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/23/in-times-like-these.html", "tags": ["Faith","Fear","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/10/i-have-met-my-nemesis.html", "title": "I Have Met My Nemesis", "content_html": "\n“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.”
\nEphesians 6:13-20 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1bce55d5fc.jpg\")
Lace! Argh….SO pretty…SO frustrating. First, it’s knitting on fingering weight which is very fine yarn. Second, the instructions are complex. I made it to Row 15…five or six times! My problem isn’t so much staying on the row. I have that figured out. My problem came when I had to start the row with a short sequence of four stitches, then there was a sequence of thirteen stitches that I had to repeat five times across the row, then end the row with a different sequence on the last four stitches. I constantly lost track of where I was about the middle of the fourth sequence on the fifteenth row. After tearing it out umpteen times and getting frustrated, I decided…if it isn’t fun to knit, don’t knit it. This is how I got burned out on counted cross stitch. I started trying more and more difficult patterns till it wasn’t fun anymore and I quit. I don’t want to quit knitting so I’ll knit what I love, not what frustrates the bejeebers out of me!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/147f92c1e3.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4b747372c1.jpg\")
I did finish the little hat with the cables. And I sewed the sweet little flower buttons on the baby sweater. And…I learned I DON’T like complicated lace patterns. So, the day was not a total loss. We awoke to a mix of rain and snow so I drove to the bakery in our little town and got donuts to go with our morning hot beverages. They didn’t have pepperoni rolls, so I got meatball rolls for our supper. They were pretty good!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c375837704.jpg\")
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0ec17163f2.jpg\")
Today is March 10th. On this day nine years ago, Mr. Virgo and I had just purchased a Ford Expedition because the Toyota was costing us $1000 every time we turned around. We wanted a newer, more powerful vehicle to tow the camper we were excitedly talking about. Mr. Virgo came home that night and put his briefcase on one of the kitchen chairs and winced. I asked him what was wrong and he said he had tweaked his shoulder that morning getting the heavy briefcase out of the car and it was still hurting him.
\n\n\nHe looked tired…but he always looked tired. It was a Sunday night at the tail end of a busy ski season…the start to his two days off. I set out his supper and gave him a couple ibuprofen for his shoulder. We watched a little TV and called it a night…not knowing what was looming ahead of us. I had already experienced two nights with terrifying dreams that week that I awoke and he was lying cold and dead beside me in bed. My fight or flight response was at the ready…just beneath the surface of my awareness…hyper-vigilant.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-10T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/10/i-have-met-my-nemesis.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/01/13/handing-over-the-reins.html", "title": "Handing Over the Reins", "content_html": "\n“Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.”
\nJeremiah 33:3 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/35df44a938.jpg\")
I’m learning to say “There is a part of me that gets anxious and afraid” instead of “I have anxiety.” It is a way of telling anxiety…”You’re not the boss of me!” I’ve been reading the BEST bible studies lately about anxiety and fear and handing it over…letting it go…and giving it all to God. I started studying “You’re Not the Boss of Me: 7 Keys to Managing Anxiety” and “10 Days Of Defeating Anxiety” and they have really helped. When I knew I was going to have this invasive test a couple of weeks ago, I sequestered myself in the Big Birdhouse out back and studied, prayed, handed over, and visualized going through the entire thing with great peace. And…that’s exactly what God gave me.
\n\n\nNow I’m going to be heading into another surgery. My youngest daughter and her spouse are very sick, presumably with Covid and were tested today. She has bad asthma…so, you know…I’m a mom. I worry. One of my grandchildren was sick but her test came back negative and she’s feeling better so that’s a relief. Then, I heard from my brother’s caregivers last night…he has tested positive for Covid.
\n\n\nMy very first response was fear which quickly amps up into anxiety. So I made myself stop and remember what I’ve been studying the last two weeks. First off…my brother has been double vaxxed and boosted AND he is not experiencing any symptoms. I closed my eyes…took a few deep breaths, and reread the message. He hasn’t been experiencing any symptoms and he’s fully vaxxed and he seems to be doing good and….he hasn’t been experiencing any symptoms. Did I mention he hasn’t been experiencing any symptoms? Good…because that’s what I’m clinging to.
\n\n\nI tried to reach him but unless he is holding his phone, he doesn’t hear it. What can I do? I can’t jump on a plane and fly to Denver, rent a car and drive four hours to get there…only to be turned away because he’s in quarantine. That doesn’t help him, and it isn’t safe for me, either. I did the only thing I could do…I immediately handed it over to God and prayed fervently that He will keep my Bubby safe. I have the numbers of his caregivers and they will keep me apprised.
\n\n\nThe circle of Covid is tightening, my friends. I know more and more people who are catching it. One of my Facebook friends wrote in a post that she was hospitalized with Covid and pneumonia and hasn’t posted anything since. And that’s been days ago. I’m not sure if she was vaccinated or not. Yes, I know…the vaccinated can still get a breakthrough infection. But…overall…they are not getting as sick as those who still refuse to get the vaccine. Please….please….please get vaccinated and protect yourselves and those you love. There have been millions and millions of vaccine doses now and you aren’t going to glow in the dark or turn the microwave on when you cough or be marked by the beast. The benefits far outweigh the risks. If it’s fear of a needle that has you spooked, get a trusted friend to take you and hold your hand. Give your fear to God, and go get this lifesaving vaccine. I’m so weary of losing people. I don’t want to lose you, too.
\n\n\nPlease say a little prayer for my brother and my girls and Evelyn and all who are affected by this virus.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”
\nIsaiah 41:10 NLT\n
#Covid, #Fear, #Anxiety, #Surrender
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-01-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/01/13/handing-over-the-reins.html", "tags": ["Health","God","Fear","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/13/beyond-the-absurd-birds-arent.html", "title": "Beyond the Absurd - Birds Aren’t Real", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0dfa4b7717.jpg\")
For those of us who are “of a certain age”, we recall hearing about something absurd called “The War of the Worlds”. On October 30, 1938, Orson Welles’ Mercury Theater Company broadcast a live radio show…an update of H.G. Welles’ book of the same name. They announced it for what it was at the beginning of the programming hour. But most people were finishing listening to Edgar Bergen and his ventriloquist act with the dummy, “Charlie McCarthy”. When they switched stations at about 8:12PM, “The War of the Worlds” was heating up and it sounded real to those tuning in. By this time, sound thinking, logical minded people believed we were under attack by Martians. While there was no lasting damage, and no laws were found to be broken, the networks made an agreement with the FCC to be more careful in the future with such programming.
\n\n\nThe Philadelphia Experiment of 1943 saw the US Government allegedly trying to make a US battleship go invisible. The conspiracy had the government making a destroyer “teleport” from Philadelphia to Norfolk, VA. It has been officially declared a hoax, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t people who still believe it happened.
\n\n\nFlash forward to the incident at Roswell in the summer of 1947, not quite a decade later. A farmer found a piece of unidentifiable debris in his field and a whole industry was created surrounding the alleged coverup that followed. To this day, there are people trying to figure out exactly what happened at Area 51 and “where the alien bodies and spacecraft are actually being held.” Are there other intelligent civilizations out there? Could be. But Roswell will never be the same little dusty hole in the wall.
\n\n\nFrom Atlantis to The Shroud of Turin to who killed JFK, the world has been intrigued, and often times convinced to believe in outrageous conspiracy theories. The age of the Internet is…unfortunately…an excellent breeding ground for these hoaxes. Computer-aided graphics mixed with gullibility breathes life into things that are nothing more than science fiction on crack. Add the fact that we really don’t have to practice critical thinking anymore. Google is right there at everyone’s fingertips. We don’t have to remember or memorize or think. We can just ask. And, there are nefarious players ready to fill your eyes and ears with garbage.
\n\n\nThere was a time in the early days of the internet when something like the QAnonCult would have been shredded and revealed as the real fake news that it is. There is something called Occam’s razor. The Encyclopedia Britannica defines it as “a principle of theory construction or evaluation according to which, other things equal, explanations that posit fewer entities, or fewer kinds of entities, are to be preferred to explanations that posit more.” To put it more simply, when Dr. Arroway (played by Jodie Foster in the movie Contact) was asked, “Do you know what Occum’s razor is?” She replies, “Yes, it’s the scientific principle that, all things being equal, the simplest answer is usually the right one.” Brilliant. Deductive Reasoning 101.
\n\n\nSo, when Q says that the world is being controlled by an elite cabal of child-trafficking Democrats, I think we can safely say “that’s a load of horse hockey” to quote Col. Potter on MASH. These predictions and convoluted fairytales have hoodwinked an entire segment of the population. Whether you believe it or not is not the point here…although, I do hope you don’t ascribe to such things. What I’m here to tell you about is Gen-Z’s tongue-in-cheek parody of today’s conspiracy theorists. And they’ve called it…
\n\n\nBirds Aren’t Real.
\n\n\nThey posit that birds do not exist and that they are all government drone replicas made to spy on Americans. According to a recent article in the New York Times by Taylor Lorentz, hundreds of thousands of young people are joining the fight against what is the REAL fake news by creating their own absurd conspiracy. They KNOW birds are real. They just want people to see how absolutely ridiculous these conspiracy theories have gotten and to put on your thinking caps and use some sense. I think it’s a creative way to fight fire with fire and bring the world back into a place where real truth means something again. To fight against the anger and hate that are tools used by the fearful. And where oligarchs who prey on our fears and manipulate us to destroy ourselves from within are exposed for the charlatans they are. We are better than this. We need more Coke commercials teaching the world to sing. We need more children to be taught critical thinking in school.
\n\n\nI was watching The Voice last week and one of the acts in the top five is a sibling group called Girl Named Tom. As I sat and listened to their tight harmonies, I thought to myself…this! This is from God. This is beauty and this is real. We need more and more and more of this beautiful harmonious music. We need more God…more spirit filled goodness…more nature. We need to take care of our earth home because this is the only one we have. Instead of gazillionaires flying rocket ships of wealthy tourists on a ten minute joyride up in space (and avoiding taxes along the way)…instead of trying to figure out how to live on Mars…maybe they could throw some of that money at the world we already have and try to fix it.
\n\n\nWouldn’t that be a wonderful Christmas gift to us all?
\n\n\nPeace on Earth…Good Will to ALL people!
\n\n\n❄️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-13T02:50:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/13/beyond-the-absurd-birds-arent.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Fear","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/10/10/insights-and-accolades.html", "title": "Insights and Accolades", "content_html": "\n“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
\nJohn 14:27 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/133455f700.jpg\")
I love how the stop action in this shot froze the raindrops in the sunshine. It looks like glitter!
\n\n\nI told you yesterday about going up to Pennsylvania to sit with my besty Gail. You were so kind to say what a good friend I am…and I appreciate that. I love Gail to the moon and back. I love all my besties to the moon and back. But I can’t always pull off what I did Friday.
\n\n\nA dear friend asked me a couple years ago to take her to her appointment and sit with her while she got a transfusion. Another friend asked me if I could drive her to Columbus to an eye specialist. I couldn’t do either one and it had absolutely nothing to do with how much I love them. It had everything to do with my anxiety disorder and the feeling of being out of control. The very thought of going filled me with waves of anxiety, fear, and nausea.
\n\n\nHaving PTSD on top of an anxiety disorder certainly doesn’t help matters. So all of this has been made worse by losing Mr. Virgo. Yep…it’s been over eight years since I sat and watched him die. Nope, I’m not “over it”. You don’t ever get over it…you manage to get through it. You manage to get distance and figure out how to keep from falling off the edge. But, over it? Not so much.
\n\n\nDoes this mean I don’t love the friends I couldn’t help as much as those I did? Heck no. The difference was, I woke up Friday morning and I made the decision to go. No one expected anything of me. No one demanded anything of me. No one asked anything of me. I was in control of the decision so it was easier for me to go.
\n\n\nI hate letting people down…so I avoid situations in which there is the chance of disappointing someone. There is some research being done in England on Pathological Demand Avoidance. It is a rare little spot on the autism spectrum and it’s getting some attention. When I first read about it, it not only made so much sense to me surrounding my own behaviors, but it also described Daughter #2 as well.
\n\n\nWhen someone asks something of someone with PDA, they will jump through hoops to avoid it because of the severe anxiety it produces. They make excuses, they roll play when they can’t get out of it, they avoid situations where they feel out of control. I know I’ve hurt my friends’ feelings in the past and I hate that. I think the ones who really love me have understood when I explain, but I hate that I have to. The key is to be honest and explain yourself to them. And pray they understand.
\n\n\nI’m better in general than I used to be. I attribute a lot of that to healing and prayer and remembering I can to all things through Christ who strengthens me. Still, there are times when I have to say no. It makes me look like an untrustworthy friend. And I hate that the most. I think the thing I want you to take away from this is…
\n\n\nIf you ask something of someone and they cannot do it…please don’t automatically assume they are selfish or they don’t feel for you the same as you feel for them. Please don’t think they have something better to do or they don’t want to help you. We cannot know what is going on in another person’s mind…the way they see life…the way they deal with trauma and surprises and emergencies. I think my really good friends understand me…and they love me in spite of myself.
\n\n\nI just try to do my best and be the best person I can be. The rest I leave up to God to help me through.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-10-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/10/10/insights-and-accolades.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/06/17/a-great-day-for-working.html", "title": "A Great Day for Working Outdoors!", "content_html": "\n“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”
\nEphesians 4:25 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/56c331c10f.jpg\")
Our son-in-law showing off a turn-of-the-century bathtub!
\n\n\nYesterday was clear and bright and sunny. While it was hot in the direct sun, there was a lovely breeze and the temperature stayed comfortably in the mid 70’s. Our WV son-in-law came and helped Mr. FixIt with some long overdue work around the house. Land’s sake…they pushed and pushed and I couldn’t believe how nice it all looked when it was done.
\n\n\nThey moved two of the campers and mowed under them. They ran the weed eater all around the yard. Our son-in-law climbed the old TV antenna and tore out the vines and cut off the very top part. They need more muscle to take the whole thing down. They went down to the creek and dug out the last few feet of the ditch that filled in with mud and debris from the flash flood earlier this week. They took the disk grinder and cut the old rusty swing set apart and got it out of there. Then they shoveled up and hauled about ten bags of sand and moved it to fill low spots in the yard.
\n\n\nMy bonus daughter got in the pool and swept it really well. I cut up, blanched, and dehydrated a big bag of Vidalia onions, made an apple pie, grilled hot dogs for lunch and cleaned the kitchen. The house and yard are looking so nice. I still have to finish the guest bedroom. I’ve ordered fresh linens for the beds for the girls so they’ll be really comfortable while they’re here.
\n\n\nI love when we have the opportunity to sit around the table and talk about things. Yesterday’s topic was timely…anxiety and faith. We all have a certain level of anxiety or worry or fear. Or, more accurately…we are humans, so we are certainly prone to that. That’s why God tells us over and over and over to not be afraid…to trust in him to be there with us through our trials…to hand over the hard stuff and let him carry it. I love when you can quote scripture to back up your point. That conversation was validation as to how God works in our lives when we ask Him in.
\n\n\nThe other day, I was feeling worried and anxious about something that hadn’t even happened yet, and likely wouldn’t happen in the way I feared. I took the advice of the author of a devotional I was reading at the time. “Stop. Just stop right now and walk away to a quiet place and talk to God.” That’s what I did. I went out to TOW-Wanda, turned on the AC, stretched out on the bed and tucked my favorite fuzzy blanket up under my chin.
\n\n\nNow…what was it she said to do? Ah, yes…praise God for everything He does for me. I started with that favorite blanket.
\n\n\n“Thank you, God…for this comforting blanket.”
\n\n\n“Thank you, God…for this soft pillow to rest my head.”
\n\n\n“Thank you, God…for this safe space I can retreat to when I need to be alone with You.”
\n\n\n“Thank you, God…for the soft breeze blowing and rocking the camper so gently.”
\n\n\n“Thank you, God…for this wonderful husband you’ve brought me to partner my life with.”
\n\n\nOn and on…and after every “Thank you, God…” my anxiety and worry retreated farther and farther from me. And yesterday…I got to start that testimony with the kids and reinforce their faith…as well as my own. God doesn’t want us to live in a state of perpetual fear and stress. And these are certainly stressful times. God did not give us a spirit of fear, so if you are experiencing fear, worry, and anxiety…it is not coming from God. I cannot tell you how many times I have spoken aloud and told the enemy to get away from me…he has no dominion here. God knows our every thought. The enemy would like you to think he does, too…but he doesn’t. He cannot read your mind. So you have to speak aloud to him to make him go away. It’s really as easy as that.
\n\n\nSo, it was a good day…all the way around. More things accomplished. More jobs completed. More stories told. There is nothing more beautiful than family and faith.
\n\n\nAnd…apple pie!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-06-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/06/17/a-great-day-for-working.html", "tags": ["Faith","Love","God","Fear","Courage","Choices","Healing","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/06/10/the-year-that-time-stood.html", "title": "The Year That Time Stood Still", "content_html": "\n“For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
\n2 Timothy 1:6-7 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/746ba5a80f.jpg\")
Sometimes, when life gives you hard things, you put your head down and keep pushing forward in order to survive. Even now, you take stock of all that’s happening around you, it’s easy to feel WAY out of control. And there’s nothing worse than that runaway train feeling. You can’t defend yourself from an enemy you cannot see. It’s downright scary.
\n\n\nWhen Mr. FixIt had his first stroke in February 2020, we sat together in his room and watched the news. They were talking about a disease that seemed to be spreading overseas and could very well come to the United States. We were already dealing with one emergency with uncertain consequences. Now they’re talking about a pandemic, too? We were too numb to really “get it”.
\n\n\nWe went home and started the healing process. Then, six weeks later, there was a stroke on the other side AND we were in a full-blown pandemic. We were beyond numb. We were obviously extremely grateful the strokes weren’t any worse. We knew they certainly could have been. But we didn’t know if there would be a third on the horizon. And, would it be “the big one”. These were things we definitely didn’t talk about...but we both worried about, nonetheless.
\n\n\nOur lives became centered around physical therapy, follow up medical visits, and endless television coverage. Not only the pandemic, but now the election. We were so overwhelmed, we didn’t know what to think. We just did the best we could and put one foot in front of the other.
\n\n\nThis year is different. We survived the election. We survived the worst of the pandemic. We got vaccinated. And we got through the year that time stood still. Hindsight is 20/20, and Mr. FixIt and I have frequent conversations...processing what we went through in the last year and how we handled it. Sometimes you don’t know how bad things were till you get past them and look back. We were pretty much a hot mess last year. This year is much, much better.
\n\n\nMr. FixIt has his strength back. We are getting life back to normal here at Marshmallow Ranch. We are picking up the pieces of the last year and working on the projects we were right in the middle of when the first stroke hit. It is so stressful to feel like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now, with a little time and distance, and good medications, and the reassurance of our physicians...we’re beginning to trust that we’re ok and and we can move forward and continue this beautiful life we’ve been building.
\n\n\nWe are filled with love and gratitude...hope and faith.
\n\n\nWe can breathe again.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-06-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/06/10/the-year-that-time-stood.html", "tags": ["Health","Gratitude","Fear","Courage","Change","Healing","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/03/04/day-the-anniversareaction.html", "title": "Day 353: The “Anniversa-reaction”", "content_html": "\n“Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul.”
\n3 John 1:2 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e4713c1d0e.jpg\")
There’s a day in October that hits me in the gut. I don’t know the date, but I know when it’s coming, and I feel it when it arrives. When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, I was playing on the playground after lunch when a little girl came up to me and asked if my brother went to Sumner School. I said yes, and she went on to tell me she heard on the news that the little VW bus they used for transporting the kids had been in a terrible accident and someone was killed. I knew my brother was on that bus.
\n\n\nThe air went out of the world. I had a sudden rush of adrenalin surge through me and I didn’t know what to do. The next thing I remember, my dad came to get me early from school and told me about the accident. He said mom was at the hospital with my brother and he was hurt, but he was going to be ok. One of the other kids was also hurt pretty badly, but the driver of the bus, Mrs Anderson, was killed in the accident. I was terrified. At that young age, I was already a survivor of child sexual abuse, and I had developed a “shepherd reaction”. I wanted all my people safely at home around me. I never liked having them out of my sight.
\n\n\nThe trigger for this anniversary reaction could come from anywhere. The way the light slants on a certain day. A particular smell. Strains of music that was playing at the time the trauma occurred. It could be anything.
\n\n\nAnytime we experience trauma, we often feel a foreboding when the anniversary of that trauma is pending. I feel it in October. But I especially feel it in March. My ex-husband devastated me when he asked for a divorce on March 15th. Mr. Virgo died on March 12th. While I love that spring is coming, March is hard for me. And now, we are about to experience a collective anniversary reaction.
\n\n\nMarch 11, 2020 is the day the WHO declared we were in a global pandemic. And March 13th is the day the President declared we were in a state of emergency. Friday the 13th. The lockdown began. We all experience these types of events differently, so it goes without saying, the anniversaries will also elicit varying responses. There isn’t anyone in the world who was untouched or unfazed by the news of Covid.
\n\n\nIn some ways, we are light years from that dark day. But, there are many reasons to feel hopeful at this point. We couldn’t have imagined there would be a vaccine for at least two to three years, yet now we have three in less than twelve months. That’s phenomenal progress. We have knocked the numbers down a great deal. However, the REASON we have knocked the numbers down is better hygiene, wearing masks, keeping socially distant, and avoiding indoor crowds, so please...keep it up. It shows character and strength when you persevere through troubling times.
\n\n\nIf you find yourself feeling anxious and depressed this month, be gentle with yourself. We haven’t lived under this kind of threat since the Cuban missile crisis...and never this protracted. You aren’t alone. Find someone you trust to talk out your feelings surrounding the trauma of the last year. If you need to seek professional help, there is nothing wrong with that. We all need someone we can talk to about the tough stuff.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-03-04T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/03/04/day-the-anniversareaction.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/15/day-vulnerability.html", "title": "Day 336: Vulnerability", "content_html": "\n“Don't get tired of helping others. You will be rewarded when the time is right, if you don't give up.”
\nGalatians 6:9 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8dbaf711e4.jpg\")
One of the hallmarks of this blog has always been my willingness to be open and vulnerable with you all. That started during the deep, dark days of my active grieving when Mr. Virgo died. I pledged I would always be open and honest with you...sometimes to the consternation of my friends and family. I know they were thinking more along the lines of my personal safety, but I needed what I gave you when I gave it. It was as much, if not more, for me than it was for you.
\n\n\nI haven’t found much I haven’t been willing to talk about here. Why? Because, I’ve learned from all of you, I’m not the only one going through the things I go through, and it helps to know that.It makes you feel a little less alone, a little less crazy, a little less lonely to know others share the human condition right along side you. And to that end, we are going to talk about my memory.
\n\n\nI know you have noticed over the last few weeks, there have been numerous times the link doesn’t work from my Facebook page to my website. You all are so kind to send me notes or leave me comments to let me know. Here’s what’s been happening behind that. I’ve told you I have hyperparathyroidism. That’s caused by a tumor on the parathyroid gland. It doesn’t have anything to do with the thyroid itself...it only lies beside it, hence the “para” prefix.
\n\n\nOne of the most annoying symptoms of pHPT (primary hyperparathyroidism) is brain fog. Add that to the grief brain, the closed head injury, and normal aging and I’m feeling really concerned about it. I would make lists, but I don’t remember to make them. I tell the same story over and over because I tell stories all the time and I can’t remember who I’ve told what to. Mr. FixIt swears I’ve told him something, or he’s told me something...and I swear just as hard that it isn’t true.
\n\n\nI writing my posts in Pages...a word processing app on my iPad. Then I cut and paste it over to my website. There are several steps that I have to take to schedule my post to publish the next morning. One of the steps is selecting the date and time. There are two little boxes beside the time...one for AM, one for PM. They are soft gray, and I’ve been missing them. (It automatically selects the time you are in, so I write at night...it is set on PM.) If I forget to select AM, it won’t schedule till the following afternoon. When I schedule it on FB, it’s black and white and I see it more clearly.
\n\n\nI know it’s a little thing, and in the grand scheme of things, it’s not a big deal. But, if I’m having this much trouble at 67, what’s going to happen at 77...and 87? My only consolation at this point is, the people in the support group I follow on Facebook for hyperparathyroidism tell me their brain function and memory got SO much better after the surgery. I am praying that is the case with me. Because it really sucks when I can’t remember stuff. And, being a perfectionist, it really sucks when I screw up. I’ve never “screwed up well”. I’m a bad screwer-upper. Anyway, if you notice, that’s what is going on. Let’s just pray all these nasty symptoms I’ve been having over the course of this disease get better when we get the offending gland removed.
\n\n\nIn the meantime, Mr. FixIt ran to Sam’s yesterday to get some supplies before the next storm comes through, and he brought me a present for Valentine’s Day...four Mammoth Elephant Ear bulbs! I was so excited!!! I’ve been wanting these for the last three summers. We have several of a smaller variety that we plant along the fence in the summer. Last year, Mr. FixIt planted them way too early so they never really got very big. You have to dig the bulbs up before they freeze and store them in a big bucket in the basement, then plant them in the spring. And the best part? The deer and the rabbits leave them alone!
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4cfbdbf5a1.jpg\")
Since I got new Elephant Ear bulbs, I made Mr. FixIt eggplant parmesan for supper for his Valentine. And, we drove out to the farm for a little while which always does my heart good. I hope you all are staying safe out there. I’m praying for all of you in the paths of the storms!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“When you see trouble coming, don't be stupid and walk right into it— be smart and hide.”
\nProverbs 22:3 CEV\n
#Disasters, #Storms, #Preparation
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-15T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/15/day-vulnerability.html", "tags": ["Health","Fear","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/12/day-i-shoulda-known-better.html", "title": "Day 333: I Shoulda Known Better", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5818d52a24.jpg\")
One would think, after all I know about trauma and grief and PTSD, that I would know better than to watch the unfolding of the impeachment proceedings. I’m not going to get into a discussion of who is right and who is wrong. This is my page, so I have the right not to get involved in the political aspects of all of this. But, from a purely human standpoint, watching it all over again has been brutal.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/336137517f.jpg\")
Why did I watch? Good question. My best answer is, I’m an American citizen and when something of such import occurs, I feel it is my responsibility to know what’s happening. I was interested in seeing the exact timeline...which was well documented. And there were visual graphs that brought that information into clearer focus that I don’t think any of us were quite aware of before...especially those involved.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/887cb80951.jpg\")
I made it through to about 1:30 yesterday afternoon then I became, quite literally, physically ill. It’s a combination of things, really. The wrong thing for breakfast. Coffee has suddenly started bothering me. And, unexplained stomach upset is one of the symptoms of hyperparathyroidism that I struggle with. Of course, one can only brush up against the triggers of PTSD so often without going over the edge and unfortunately, I pushed my boundary too far. It will take some work to re-compartmentalize that information, but it’ll come. And hopefully my upcoming surgery will take care of this particularly bothersome side effect of this disease.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1e3f796763.jpg\")
In the meantime, I’m working on a few writing assignments and that is always a healthy distraction. I worked a little on the genealogy yesterday, but really...I just needed a break from the noise and the chaos, the TV and the screens, and just go outside and walk in the snow. We had quite a winter storm Wednesday night and it left us with about four inches of the white stuff. Mr. FixIt went out with his new snowblower and cleared the sidewalks once the snow stopped. He does like that and it’s good for him to have something to do.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/68bfc931a6.jpg\")
A walk in the snow did wonders for my disposition. Meandering along the half-frozen creek, listening to the sounds of winter birds chattering low in the hedgerow. The low riffle of water as it trickles across stones worn smooth by the ever present flow. Feeling the collapse of earth beneath my feet where the moles and voles are busy living their lives underground...creating soft tunnels you can trace by the slight mounds in the snow. Seeing the snow covered nests of the summer birds, long gone south for the winter, waiting patiently for the spring thaw and their joyous return. The snow around the feeders marked heavily with little four-pronged footprints of the dozens of visitors...enjoying the abundance of our feeders. The bright scarlet and vivid blues of the cardinals and jays as they swoop in from the brush and trees that surround our property. Trees that reach naked arms to the leaden February sky. I breathe the cold air deep into my lungs with a hunger I forget I have. This long, quiet darkness of winter can wear thin in these days before the spring thaw. But they force me to find the hand of God as he leads me beside these still waters...and restores my soul.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/12/day-i-shoulda-known-better.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Fear","Peaceful Moments","Farm Life","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/05/day-feeling-a-little-frayed.html", "title": "Day 326: Feeling a Little Frayed, Are We?", "content_html": "\n“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
\nPhilippians 4:6-7 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ec67f2d8b2.jpg\")
I chat every night with one of the dearest people in my life. Sue always has a supportive word, a kind thought, a golden nugget of wisdom to share with me. I didn’t grow up with a sister. One of my lifelong friends is my baby sister. Sue is the older sister I didn’t get to have and I love her dearly. I’ve been sharing with her of late....a bone weariness of the things that have been thrown at us for far too long.
\n\n\nI’ve gone through the grief of losing a spouse. I’ve gone through severe clinical depression and near death. I’ve gone through huge life changes that were cringeworthy in their own right. Now, I’m in a boat with a whole bunch of people...and we’re kinda hanging by a thread. Oh, we’re ok. We’re gonna make it through. We’re old enough and experienced enough to know...this too shall pass. But, man.....that constant surge of adrenalin and cortisol is getting pretty old.
\n\n\nEveryone handles stress in their own way. We all have different coping mechanisms. Some of us have more tools in our toolbox, simply because we’ve been through therapy to get us through crises. And, some of us have been blessed to have had a relatively easy life without huge upheaval. Getting out for a drive in the sunshine the other day was wonderful. Connecting with supportive friends is helpful. Having someone with me to share the day to day is a true blessing and it’s not lost on me how different things could have been if this would have happened say...six or seven years ago.
\n\n\nI have dear friends who are actively grieving tragic losses. To have to do that and cope with pandemic burnout seems unusually cruel and inhumane. One thing that has been giving me rays of hope is watching the “Christmas Covid Crush” begin to subside and the number of vaccinations going up. Slowly...ever so slowly. Nothing ever happens as fast as we would like it to, does it?
\n\n\nI find when I am at the end of my rope, there is decidedly less of the “ME” I need to get me through whatever I am facing. And I’ve faced enough crises to know...when there’s less “ME”, there’d better be more GOD because the alternative is a big black hole of despair. Oh, wouldn’t it be nice if God plucked us off the end there and set us down gently into a field of clover...by a nice stream, perhaps? But....noooooo...God ties a knot in that rope and helps me to hang on. He has the power to “fix things” for me. But, if He did that...what would I need HIM for? What would I learn from the experience?
\n\n\nSue sends me articles from time to time. I found this one about “Hitting the Pandemic Wall” to be helpful so I thought I would share it with you today. There are some good ideas and links that you may use. But, I also thought I would ask you some questions.
\n\n\nWhat are you doing in your daily life to keep from feeling overwhelmed? Have any past experiences helped give you skills you can use during this crisis? I know it can’t just be me that’s feeling a little...strained.
\n\n\nIn other words....really...
\n\n\nHow are YOU doing?
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/05/day-feeling-a-little-frayed.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Hope","Grace","God","Fear","Courage","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/16/day-observing-history-or-doomscrolling.html", "title": "Day 306: Observing History or Doom-Scrolling?", "content_html": "\n““You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.”
\nMatthew 5:3 MSG\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/deb73ce245.jpg\")
I’ve watched national disasters play out on TV ever since that fateful day in 1963 when our beloved JFK was assassinated. Bad and good...the theater that is America plays out on the screen before us. We watch for many reasons. To observe, educate, understand, and be advised. From “Ok, Houston, we’ve had a problem here” to “I am not a crook” to “Diana, Princess of Wales, has died in a car crash in Paris.” Our hearts leap to our throats and we turn our attention to the news.
\n\n\nThis has been a solid year of “We interrupt this broadcast to bring you this breaking news report.” Seriously, there were times when I’d think, “OMGosh...what the **** now???” It’s stressful. Our bodies release cortisol in the response to danger and chronically elevated cortisol levels puts us at risk for many health problems including probably the most obvious...anxiety and depression. Not surprising.
\n\n\nIt’s one thing to observe history, take note, feel the feelings, and get back to the business of daily living. It’s quite another to chase down story after story, inhaling them like a desperate chain-smoking junky sitting in the dark on the sofa with a bag of Cheetos and a beer. It’s called Doom-Scrolling....read a story, there’s a link to another, read that, hit the next link. Before you know it, hours have passed, you have no real answers as to what’s really going on, and your mind is buzzing like a toaster in a bathtub.
\n\n\nGuilty as charged. I do this sometimes. I’m an avid learner, a curious critter who wants to find out what makes everything tick. What makes them believe that? How did we get here? Who is saying what about whom. Maybe part of that comes from being in an emotionally abusive household with an alcoholic father. I wanted to know what was coming next and I’d do anything I could to be prepared. But, that kind of preparation lies dangerously close to control and we all know...there is very little in this world that we can actually control.
\n\n\nThe chatter of impending violence surrounding the inauguration has had my inner investigator working overtime this week. I can’t fall asleep because my mind is churning in a dozen different directions, so I end up picking up the phone to check out “just one more thing”. Thursday night was like that and I finally drifted off to sleep around dawn, only to get an elbow to the back of the head when Mr. FixIt turned over. It was a long night.
\n\n\nWe just have a few more days till this moment in time is passed and it becomes relegated to history. I pray for peace. No violence. No injuries or death. It’s liable to be a bumpy ride, so hold on tight. And remember, goodness wins in the end.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-16T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/16/day-observing-history-or-doomscrolling.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/12/day-the-birds-of-the.html", "title": "Day 302: The Birds of the Air", "content_html": "\n“Nothing is impossible for God!””
\nLuke 1:37 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9622a30c63.jpg\")
It’s been a long time since we had a really deep down, heart-to-heart chat. It’s been a long time since I needed to process some really difficult things and deal with the resultant side effects. I’m NOT going to dive into politics here...and I don’t want to stir up a political maelstrom. If that starts up, I’ll just delete the unhelpful comments. This isn’t about politics. This is about pain.
\n\n\nI have PTSD. It’s one of those awful things you sometimes get when you face a particularly painful trauma, and I got it from watching Mr. Virgo have his heart attack and the ensuing resuscitation. It went on for what seemed like hours. I was left with flashbacks and debilitating anxiety. EMDR went a long way toward easing that pain. And, it’s been a long time since I’ve experienced the effects.
\n\n\nAfter the events of last week at our Nation’s Capitol, I was surprised I wasn’t feeling worse than I was. I seemed to be handling things pretty well and went on about my business. I now realize what I had done was to compartmentalize my feelings. I kinda packed them up in a neat and tidy box labeled “Bad Things” and pushed it aside. That doesn’t mean I didn’t FEEL things. I just dampened them down and moved them aside.
\n\n\nOver the weekend I started getting a splitting headache and my body hurt everywhere. I was afraid I was getting sick, but this felt more familiar. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I had an experience a few years ago where I came into close contact with someone I believe to be dabbling in dark things. My relationship with God has been so strong since Mr. Virgo died, that I seem to have this radar that goes off when I’m around darkness. I not only feel that crawly sensation on my skin, but I literally get sick to my stomach. I believe that is a spiritual attack and I am very careful to stay away from such things.
\n\n\nA Facebook “friend” writes posts from time to time about church and on the surface, it’s very upbeat. On closer inspection, there seems to be something off. A little too “Stepford Wife” or something. Yesterday, there was a post with a rather surprising photo that maybe could have been read a couple of different ways. I went in to read the comments for an indication as to which direction this was leading. Someone posted a comment with a video. I had seen this video the day before with a comment saying someone from West Virginia had posted it.
\n\n\nI totally expected to open the video and hear something Biblical and I can guarantee you....it was NOT. It was vile and I won’t go into further detail and I certainly won’t share it here. I had that immediate creepy crawly dark sensation on my skin and ran to the bathroom to throw up. I was sick for over two hours. I climbed in bed and read my bible for a while. That always comforts me and reminds me, God always wins in the end.
\n\n\nI felt much better afterwards. The headache is all but gone, as is the creepy crawly feeling. The enemy vanquished back. The verse I read was Luke 12:22-26...where we are told God takes care of the birds and we are so much more important than any birds. When I sat down to write my post last night, the first thing I saw on Facebook was this picture of my cousin Mike, cradling a female cardinal in his hands. It had managed to get into their screened porch, so he gently picked it up to take it outside. We call him “The Bird Whisperer”. I loved this little God wink...a cardinal coming to remind me how important we are to God and we have no need to worry if we remain close to his side.
\n\n\nThese are dark and trying times. I’ve been carefully winnowing my friends list on Facebook again. Not to weed out those whose political beliefs don’t mesh with mine. I welcome respectful repartee. But I don’t respect violence in any “way, shape, form or fashion”, as Governor Justice says.
\n\n\nToday is a brand new day and no matter what comes my way, I know...I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me.
\n\n\n???
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/12/day-the-birds-of-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/09/day-salve-to-a-sore.html", "title": "Day 299: Salve to a Sore Place", "content_html": "\n“Jesus said to his disciples: I tell you not to worry about your life! Don't worry about having something to eat or wear. Life is more than food or clothing. Look at the crows! They don't plant or harvest, and they don't have storehouses or barns. But God takes care of them. You are much more important than any birds. Can worry make you live longer? If you don't have power over small things, why worry about everything else?”
\nLuke 12:22-26 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c45ede23f9.jpg\")
Whenever my grandma hit a rough patch, she’d look for something to ease her soul and afterwards, she’d say, “‘Deed, that’s like salve to a sore place.” It might be a chat with a friend on the front porch, or hugging her babies around the neck, or sitting in her window chair reading her Bible. Whatever came her way, it didn’t take her too long till she had herself lifted back up by the bootstraps and off she went a’runnin’ again.
\n\n\nLast year was rough, but even with the rough stuff, there were many moments of joy that lifted my spirits. Then this week hit, and I’m not going to lie...I’ve had a hard time. Being the person who’s always the cheerleader, I wasn’t sure how I was going to come back in here today and talk to y’all. I just didn’t know where to start or what to talk about. There’s just too, too much and Lord knows there’s enough of it “out there”. I didn’t want it “in here”. So...I went looking for that same energy my grandma gave me whenever I needed a little salve for my sore places.
\n\n\nI started out on YouTube listening to worship music then I turned back in time to old timey hymns. I clicked on a couple of black and white documentaries done in 1965 back in the mountains of North Carolina, visiting Appalachian musicians. One I really liked, but early in the movie, they’re following along with some old feller who was hunting groundhogs and I didn’t think y’all would appreciate that so I moved on.
\n\n\nFinally, I stumbled onto an interview of an old Appalachian woman named Ruby and I knew I had what I was looking for. I sat there watching, mesmerized by Ruby’s distinctive accent, talking about the way she was raised and the kind of life she’s lived and I was transported to all those many times my grandma and I sat on the front porch out at the farm...she telling me stories while we strung halfrunner beans to can.
\n\n\nRuby looks off at her land and can’t set her eyes on anything she doesn’t own and she knows peace. She knows Jesus. She knows how to take care of herself. And she knows how to lift herself up by playing Amazing Grace on her guitar every night before bed. I sat on the edge of our bed, listening to her beautiful story as I brushed and braided my hair before bed, and realized...I wasn’t quite as scared as I was when I first sat down to write.
\n\n\nThis big old world was here long before I got here. It’s going to be here long after I’m gone. We’ve lived through troubled times before...we’ll get through these as well. Good Lord willin’ and the creeks don’t rise. In the meantime, may this little slice of Appalachian goodness be salve to your sore places today.
\n\n\nYou can see Ruby’s interview HERE.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/09/day-salve-to-a-sore.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/11/17/day-covidworse-than-glitter.html", "title": "Day 248: Covid...Worse Than Glitter", "content_html": "\n“When his people pray for help, he listens and rescues them from their troubles. The Lord is there to rescue all who are discouraged and have given up hope.”
\nPsalms 34:17-18 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/92db01fc38.jpg\")
Are you crafty? Have you ever worked with glitter? If you have, then you know you cannot work with glitter indoors without finding it in every crevice of your home...for the rest of eternity. It is simply impossible to get rid of.
\n\n\nRemember those body washes and facial scrubbers with those little tiny micro beads in them? Entire city water systems were shut down in an attempt to remove the sediment left behind that consisted of...tiny micro beads.
\n\n\nEver try to eat a meal in a house full of pets without finding hair in your food? Ever have a coffee filter collapse in the pot and end up with grounds floating in your cup and sediment in the bottom? Ever go to the beach and have sand end up in places where you definitely wouldn’t put an emery board?
\n\n\nAll those things are plenty big enough to see with the naked eye and you still can’t avoid them.
\n\n\nWhat if you could SEE the Covid-19 virus???
\n\n\nWhat if you walked into a shop or restaurant and these big orbs were floating around...hovering over people...spewing out of their mouths when they laughed? What if you went into church and the choir and the people sitting beside you and behind you started singing and clouds of spiky balls of virus came at you and clung to your hair and your clothes and your skin? What if, when you inhaled to sing the next refrain, those sticky spiky balls drew into your mouth and nose and lodged in the tiny little air sacs in your lungs?
\n\n\nAnd, what if...after church or after being at the store...you stopped to check on your elderly neighbor or your niece with the new baby and you snuggled in for a nice hug and a kiss on the cheek? Or maybe you went to your book club or your grandkid’s swim meet?
\n\n\nWhat if there was something so simple you could do to keep these spiky basketballs from sticking in your lungs or the lungs of those you love? Until there’s some way of knowing who will get really sick and who will just feel kinda puny, there’s no way of knowing the effect that visit may have.
\n\n\nThere are an awful lot of people who think Covid is nothing...it’s overblown...we’re turning a corner. Well, we may be “turning a corner” but it’s not to any street we want to go down...of that I am certain. The numbers are rising exponentially.
\n\n\nA friend shared a post with me yesterday. The person posting is an ICU nurse. He’s been working long, hard days. He says it is so horrifying to hear someone screaming because they can’t catch their breath. He says there are many....far TOO many who scream and say, “It can’t be Covid! Covid isn’t real! There has to be something wrong with me and you aren’t finding it!!! You have to find out what’s really wrong with me!” He says the screaming only stops when they get intubated.
\n\n\nIt isn’t politics.
\n\n\nLet me say that again.
\n\n\nCovid isn’t political.
\n\n\nIt’s a virus.
\n\n\nIt is real.
\n\n\nIt can be deadly...like Russian roulette.
\n\n\nThis is science.
\n\n\nThanksgiving is coming fast. We have elected to not gather at our house this year. We hate that...we really do. But we have family members with underlying medical conditions. And I will do everything in my power to keep my family safe and healthy.
\n\n\nPlease....please....please....do everything you can to help reel this pandemic in and gain some sort of control. The vaccines are coming, but in the meantime, we are forced indoors because of the weather. That close contact is the same as using a leaf blower on a pile of glitter...it’s going to contaminate everything and everybody.
\n\n\nI know you’re tired of this. I know you want this to be over with. I know you want everything to get back to normal. So do I.
\n\n\nLet’s be good Americans! Let’s band together and kick Covid to the curb! Let’s be patriots and look out for each other!!! Let’s take some pride in ourselves and be the leaders we are meant to be! Let’s be encouragers! Let’s not scold the non-maskers. Let’s encourage them. Let’s thank those who are wearing masks so they know they are appreciated. And do it in front of non-maskers. Keep some extra masks in a ziplock baggie to offer to those who may not have one.
\n\n\nLet’s get this done so we can put this horrible event behind us and bring as many people through it as we can.
\n\n\nWe know what to do!!!
\n\n\nWe can do this, America!
\n\n\n?
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-11-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/11/17/day-covidworse-than-glitter.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/17/day-crisis-fatiguestepping-away-with.html", "title": "Day 152: Crisis Fatigue...Stepping Away With a Soft Heart", "content_html": "\n“This is why you must encourage and help each other, just as you are already doing.”
\n1 Thessalonians 5:11 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/aaf1d9d439.jpg\")
When is too much WAY too much? Where do you draw the line and say enough is enough? How do you step back when you just can’t do any more?
\n\n\nI eased my world a lot the last couple of weeks when I snoozed, unfollowed, unfriended, and...yes...even blocked a few people on my personal Facebook page. My decision to stop posting, forwarding, and commenting on anything remotely controversial and/or political helped a lot. I’ve even stepped out of a few chat rooms with really wonderful people for no other reason than I just can’t take one more thing right now.
\n\n\nI don’t know about you but I’m facing a very real case of crisis fatigue. When the human body is presented with a crisis situation, it produces cortisol...the hormone responsible for our fight or flight response. That’s really handy if you happen to be camping and a great big bear wanders across your path. The heightened attention and rapid response is meant to save your life. But, this year has been like walking into the International Convention of Pissed Off Grizzly Bears....every...single...day. When that happens, it doesn’t take long for the wheels to come off the bus.
\n\n\nIncreased anxiety. Insomnia. Weight gain. Hypertension. Cushing Syndrome. Relationship distress. Even bone loss. All can occur from prolonged elevated levels of cortisol. Plain and simple...it’s just not good for you.
\n\n\nAccording to an article in WIRED Magazine written by Matt Simon... \"Crisis fatigue manifests itself on two levels. On a societal level, it can tempt people to collectively throw up their hands and give up on civic engagement. 'Why not, if we’re going to hell in a handcart? Let’s just enjoy tomorrow.' Matthew Flinders, founding director of Sir Bernard Crick Centre for the Public Understanding of Politics at the University of Sheffield, told WIRED earlier this week.\"
\n\n\nSince 9/11, we have had multiple episodes of acute crises...wildfires, financial strife, social unrest, politics, Covid, job loss. Basically, the sound of the planes hitting the Twin Towers has echoed through every part of American life for the last twenty years. If there is that much havoc in our lives, isn’t it really a small thing to step back a little from the tiny screens that are occupying so much of our waking moments?
\n\n\nI write every day...I have to. It’s a part of who I am and what I do. But, when I get my screen usage report and it tells me just how much time I am spending on these devices, I realize that isn’t healthy either. I have this one group of girlfriends whom I dearly love. We went to high school together. We are each other’s cheerleaders. We are there for one another as we face the challenges of life. And, as much as I love them, we get chatty in that room and by the end of the day we can easily have fifty or more notifications pinging on our phones.
\n\n\nI know...I cant turn off the notifications, but I suffer from FOMO...fear of missing out. I’m like my grandma in that regard. If the phone rang, she’d break her neck to get to it so she could find out who was calling. It may have been someone she really didn’t care to have a conversation with at the time, but by golly...she wasn’t going to miss out on the possibility it was someone else. So, when the phone “pings”, I have to pick it up. I read. I respond. I set the phone down. Someone else responds. “Ping!” Pick up. Respond. Set down. It’s crazy.
\n\n\nIf I didn’t have anything else going on in my life, it wouldn’t bother me a bit. And, I feel a bit silly...a little guilty perhaps...but I had to step away. I sent them loving messages and said, “It’s not you...it’s me. I can’t right now. I’ll be back someday, but right now? I just can’t.” They get it. They’re feeling it, too. Maybe they don’t know there is a name for it. Maybe they don’t know how to step back...or maybe they don’t need to.
\n\n\nI think the bottom line here is...you can step away with a soft heart. You don’t have to hurt anyone’s feelings or get agitated or up in arms. You can just be honest. It’s all so much. Yes, I could have just turned off the notifications and picked up the phone when I had time. But, I’d still be spending the same amount of time reading the updates and catching up.
\n\n\nIt’s not like the individuals in the group can’t reach me or vise-versa. We are still friends on Facebook. We are still connected and are but a text away should someone want to reach out. Between that, shutting down websites and forwarded sources that I do not want to see, and snoozing several of the more vocal suspects, I felt a collective sigh of relief once I was done.
\n\n\nIt’s ok to step away. When I think of all the things I am apt to miss, it’s decidedly my peace of mind that I miss the most. I’m well on the way to lowering those cortisol levels and promoting some peace in my life. Because here’s what happens when you step away from something. You make space between you. And, you can allow that space to be used for parking the offenses between others and yourself.
\n\n\nBest they sit in that space unattended than to sit in the space between your ears.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/17/day-crisis-fatiguestepping-away-with.html", "tags": ["Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Comfort","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/12/day-a-fire-far-away.html", "title": "Day 147: A Fire Far Away, A Worry Close to Home", "content_html": "\n“God's Spirit doesn't make cowards out of us. The Spirit gives us power, love, and self-control.”
\n2 Timothy 1:7 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3de87bf19c.jpg\")
I opened my little needlework shop in Glenwood Springs in June 2002. A few days before my opening, the Coal Seam Fire erupted and several homes were lost in West Glenwood. No lives were lost in that fire, thank God. Forest fires and Colorado seem to go hand in hand. These long, dry spells and prevailing winds can turn the simplest little spark into a raging inferno on a dime.
\n\n\nThe day the Coal Seam Fire erupted, I was at home with my Mom and Gary and Daughter #2. I had spent hours upon hour entering inventory into the new computer in the shop and I was so afraid of losing it, so before things got too bad, I made a beeline for Glenwood to get it. I ran in the shop, unhooked the CPU and headed right back home. In just the few minutes it took me to get back to the interstate, the fire had swept down the hillside on the south side of the river. The smoke was filling the canyon, but there was no one telling me not to go through. So...I floored it and headed west.
\n\n\nI just about made it to the South Canyon Bridge when there was a flash to my right. I leaned forward and looked out the windshield to see an arc of fire crossing the river and interstate and burning the hillside on my right. It was like a flaming rainbow! I wasn’t about to stop there and there was no way to turn around so I pressed forward. And...just twenty yards or so ahead, I popped out of the smoke and flames and headed on home. No worse for the wear, but shaken, nonetheless.
\n\n\nI heard about a fire on Monday that was not too far from Glenwood Springs where my brother lives. Then yesterday, I started getting texts and videos showing a huge fire right in Glenwood Canyon. That was getting too close for comfort and I called my brother.
\n\n\n“Hey, Bubby...whatcha doin’?”
\n\n\n“Well, you aren’t going to believe what I’m doing. I’m getting ready to do something I’ve never done before in my life!”
\n\n\n“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”
\n\n\n“I’m getting evacuated!”
\n\n\nJust what I wanted to hear.
\n\n\n“Where are they taking you?”
\n\n\n“To a hotel, I think.”
\n\n\n“Ok...well, don’t be scared. It’s going to be alright.”
\n\n\n“Why should I be scared? I’ve never been evacuated before!”
\n\n\nMy brother. Always up for an adventure while his sister has an anxiety attack. lol
\n\n\nI checked my resources, asked my buds in Glenwood for an update, and was beginning to feel pretty confident the fire wasn’t imminently heading for my brother’s apartment. A friend called me from Glenwood to reassure me the fire wasn’t lapping at his door. Then...he called me.
\n\n\nApparently, no one had explained the differences between “pre-evacuation” and “evacuation” to my brother and his roommate. A staff member came to the apartment and filled the guys in and told them there wasn’t anything to be concerned about...they weren’t getting evacuated.
\n\n\nSo, all is quiet on the western front but my fight or flight response is sure as the dickens getting a workout these days! Now I need an antacid. Sometimes I wonder why I quit drinking. ?
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/12/day-a-fire-far-away.html", "tags": ["Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/11/day-another-bad-night-another.html", "title": "Day 146: Another Bad Night, Another Good Day", "content_html": "\n“Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel.”
\nPhilippians 4:6-7 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6ea56db7c2.jpg\")
I used to have what I referred to as “bad nights” in the early years after losing Mr. Virgo. I will never forget the blessed feeling of relief when they finally let up. I will also never forget when they resurfaced years later and I couldn’t shake the thought that maybe this is just the way things are with the new new normal of grief.
\n\n\nThankfully, those bad nights are few and far between anymore. They are usually triggered by stress and...could there be anything more stressful than your new husband having two strokes not much more than a year after the wedding...compounded by everything else going on in this world today? We have had two deaths in the family in the last two weeks. One was my cousin’s husband. That stirs up those old memories.
\n\n\nI went to bed Sunday night like I always do. I slept so well on Friday and Saturday nights. I was hoping for a repeat. I wrote my post. I fed my sourdough starter. I took my meds and did my evening toilette. I climbed between clean sheets with the windows open and a cool evening breeze coming in. I put away my phone so I wouldn’t be tempted to lay there and surf or read or play games. In other words, I did everything right. Still...sleep did not come.
\n\n\nI laid there for hours...tossing and turning. I knew I was keeping Mr. FixIt awake, so I tried to just lay still so I wouldn’t bother him. Then I got a headache from laying in the same position. When Mr. FixIt doesn’t sleep soundly, he become a noisy sleeper. Every time he turns over, he either moans or shouts out...depending on the level of discomfort he has from arthritis. Suffice it to say...I watched the sun coming up.
\n\n\nI got up, drew my fuzzy robe around me, and walked outside to photograph the morning fog. I love fog...it’s so cool and mysterious and softens the world to a hazy glow. The fog also dampens the sounds of the world. The birds seem to whisper their tenuous calls so not to wake up Mother Nature before the coffee’s ready.
\n\n\nI wandered around for a while, went back inside and cleaned the kitchen, and finally...around 7:30...I thought I’d try again to sleep. That’s when the “bad” part of the “bad nights” hit. I laid there, realizing it had now been 24 hours I’d been awake. What if something happened and Mr. FixIt had a medical emergency and needed me? What if something happened to the kids? How would I be my best if I hadn’t had any sleep. You all know where that snowball went...right downhill.
\n\n\nI laid there, quietly willing myself to settle down, to not borrow trouble, to not wake up my husband. When he finally did wake up, I told him about my night and he urged me to not worry about a thing and get some sleep. I went into the guest room and slept till 3:30 in the afternoon!
\n\n\nWhen I awoke, we went to the farm to get the long ladder so I could seal the roof on TOW-Wanda. When we got home, we watched the news and then worked on the camper. I fixed a great meal, and the day was done. My biggest gift of the day came again from Miss Jackie. Her husband was a pastor and she is just a knowledgeable woman when it comes to the Bible. There, in her comment on yesterday’s post was her formula for maintaining mental health. A verse from Philippians. I’ll include it here.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/92848514cb.jpg\")
These verses are an instruction manual for maintaining balance in these crazy times. Good friends can bring such good advice when they are plugged into the light. I cherish those friends who tell me like it is, who gently correct...and who sometimes kick me in the butt when I need it. Thank you all for always being here.
\n\n\nAs Ram Dass said...”We are all just walking each other home.”
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/11/day-another-bad-night-another.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","God","Wisdom","Fear","Peaceful Moments","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/01/day-its-all-in-the.html", "title": "Day 136: It’s All in the Tone", "content_html": "\n“You have a special place in my heart. So it is only natural for me to feel the way I do. All of you have helped in the work God has given me, as I defend the good news and tell about it here in jail.”
\nPhilippians 1:7 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4c68c8abb5.jpg\")
I was an absolute a$$ this week to one of my dearest friends in the world. She and I live on pretty opposite ends of the political spectrum and I usually do a decent job of keeping myself in check. But something in me snapped this week and I went way over my line in the sand and I knew I had hurt her. She went quiet. She didn’t open my texts. I realized I had put “being right” over “being smart”. Over “being kind”.
\n\n\nIt does absolutely no good to scream at others over your differences. And, while I didn’t think I was “screaming”, I forgot that tone is everything with the written word. I was struck by something President Bush said at Senator John Lewis’ funeral: “Listen, John and I had our disagreements of course - but in the America John Lewis fought for, and the America I believe in, differences of opinion are inevitable elements and evidence of democracy in action.”
\n\n\nIt takes a great deal of insight to recognize when you have crossed a boundary, and it takes courage and humility to ask forgiveness for your transgressions. I am not sorry for having my own ideas of what I feel is right. But I AM sorry for acting as though MY ideas should be everyone else’s ideas, too. The world isn’t black and white. We all believe in things through the lens of who we are, where we’ve been, what we’ve seen, and how we want the world to be.
\n\n\nI was relieved when my friend accepted my apology and we again expressed our love for each other. Does that mean we cannot have lively debate with others who disagree with us? No, of course not. But it DOES mean we are all God’s children and he loves us equally. We should pray as much for our own understanding as we do for the understanding of others. We can disagree and still come from a place of human decency and loving kindness.
\n\n\nRespect helps your ideas go a lot further than standing on a bully pulpit.
\n\n\nI so needed a break from all this daily angst online and in the news. When we woke up yesterday morning, Mr. FixIt asked what I wanted to do with my day and I said I wanted to drive up to Kidron, Ohio and check out Lehman’s Hardware. I’ve been drooling over their catalogs for years and it seemed like the perfect escape.
\n\n\nWe grabbed coffee at the drive through and drove the two-and-a-half hours north. OMGosh! That place is the Smithsonian of hardware stores. Honestly, it would take several days of browsing (without the hubby) to take it all in. Building after building are connected with each one housing yet another genre of goodies to behold. I made a bee line for the kitchen area and honestly, I saw very little of the rest of the store.
\n\n\nI picked up some wonderful things for the kitchen. We needed a new pizza cutter. Ours broke over a year ago. I got one of those gadgets that cut the corn from the ear. I needed a new Foley Food Mill for separating the seeds and skins from the tomatoes when I can them. I lost mine in the downsizing, I think. I found a great springform pan with a glass bottom for making cheesecakes. I also found a skimmer with a very fine screen for getting the foam off the top of jelly before I put it in the jars. It will double as a fine sifter for putting rice flour on my sourdough loaves before I score them.
\n\n\nLet’s see...I got Lehman’s 65th Year recipe book that I can hardly wait to read. I found the perfect canning ladle. And, I got a little gizmo for making very small batches of homemade butter. Homemade butter doesn’t last quite as long as the kind you buy in the store and it’s not always easy to make up very small batches. This may be one of those gadgets that look like a better idea in the store than it actually does in the kitchen, but we shall see.
\n\n\nWhen we got home, I felt like I had been away for a week. And the very best part is, I didn’t spend so much time on the internet or Facebook and it gave me a much better outlook and attitude. And, my friendship is still intact without compromising my ideals. It was a very restorative and very humbling day. We need those from time to time.
\n\n\nIt is a new month...another new start.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/01/day-its-all-in-the.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Anger","Fear","Forgiveness","Humbled","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/07/16/day-snakes-frogs-and-dragonflies.html", "title": "Day 120: Snakes, Frogs, and Dragonflies", "content_html": "\n“If I have to brag, I will brag about how weak I am.”
\n2 Corinthians 11:30 CEV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7fd0baeace.jpg\")
Last summer, I told you a funny story. Well, sorta funny. I was working in that little camper I bought last spring. Remember? The one that fell apart when I got to Colorado? Yeah...that was an expensive lesson. Anyway, I was working in the camper and Mr. FixIt was spraying around the house foundation for ants. We had a horrible time with ants last year.
\n\n\nI told Mr. FixIt I’d be done soon and then we’d put the steak on the grill for supper. I heard him yelling so I stuck my head out the door.
\n\n\n“We’re you saying something?”
\n\n\n“Steak!”
\n\n\n“Yes, honey...steak. We’re having steak for supper.”
\n\n\n“No...Steak!”
\n\n\n“Steak?”
\n\n\n“STEAK!!!”
\n\n\nI climbed down out of the camper and started walking toward him. “Well, for crying out loud, sweetheart...if you want it now, go start the grill!”
\n\n\n“Look! SNAKE!!!”
\n\n\nHokey Smokes!
\n\n\n“Where???”
\n\n\n“It was right here...but now I don’t see it.
\n\n\n“What kind of snake?”
\n\n\n“I think it was a copperhead!”
\n\n\nGreat...poisonous. I have to say...I’m 67 years old and I have never seen a poisonous snake to my knowledge, but a snake is a snake. So let’s get this one.
\n\n\nWe walked around the corner of the house where he saw the snake and it was indeed gone. However, there was this hole...in the side of the house...where the old door was before they boarded it up when they converted the garage into the family room. A hole! In MY house...where a snake has taken up residence as I sit a few feet away on the sofa!
\n\n\nEvery since then, when I walk around the corner of the house, I look for that snake. The generator is sitting over there. I imagine the snake is hiding under the tarp that covers it to keep the rain and road dust off. I picture it reaching out and biting me every time I walk by. Every. Single. Time. I avoid that corner of the house as often as possible.
\n\n\nUntil Tuesday. I had to refill the hummingbird feeder that hangs out in front of the kitchen window. So, I had to walk past...the hole. And there...on the sidewalk...in front of the hole...was a snake skin.
\n\n\nThe creature has grown!
\n\n\nIt has shed its skin because it is getting bigger. Wonderful.
\n\n\nI went in and said, “Ummmm, would you mind coming out here for a moment?”
\n\n\nMr. FixIt dutifully plodded along after me.
\n\n\n“Look.”
\n\n\nI pointed, accusingly. As if somehow it was his fault he hadn’t filled that hole about a hundred years ago.
\n\n\n“There’s nothing that says that snake was actually IN that hole.”
\n\n\nOh, yeah?
\n\n\nI reached down and picked it up, gave it a little tug...and...it was stuck on something INSIDE the hole!
\n\n\nMy brain started racing. Was is hung up on a nail or a board? Or...was it still attached to the snake???
\n\n\nOy.
\n\n\nI have no idea...and I’m not getting down in there to find out. I was thinking I could dust the area around the hole with flour and then I could see if the creature is going in and out. Or, I could take a sledgehammer to the wall and see if there’s a whole nest of vipers in there.
\n\n\nOr, I can avoid that side of the house for the rest of my life. I’m not usually afraid of snakes, but when I don’t know if it’s poisonous or not...AND I don’t know if there is some passageway between that hole and the interior where I sit...I am, how shall I say? Uneasy.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/08204b752a.jpg\")
So, I’ll turn my attention to the other critters of the Ponderosa that I caught sight of this week.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b28a1a74c9.jpg\")
A tiny little toad and a beautiful dragonfly with windowpane wings. And we’ll just leave the snake for another day.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-07-16T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/07/16/day-snakes-frogs-and-dragonflies.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/17/day-when-i-find-myself.html", "title": "Day 62: When I Find Myself in Times of Trouble...", "content_html": "\n“In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper.” (Ok...I know they’re talking about wine here, but still...)
\nProverbs 23:32 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6ba6e9b243.jpg\")
Days of unexpected loss. We all get them. We never know when the next one will strike. Yesterday was just such a day. We started out the day with another trip to the Emergency Room for what appears to be another small stroke for my beloved Mr. FixIt. I had a taste of what if feels like for those desperately frightened family members who drop their loved ones off at the ER door then drive off. Or, in my case...drive to the parking lot and sit. All day.
\n\n\nI hugged him goodbye, then went to the truck and cried. I couldn’t leave him. What if he needed me? What if something happened and I had to get there in a hurry. I couldn’t be a half hour away. I just couldn’t. So, I sat there waiting for a text or a call. They kept him overnight and I should be able to take him home this morning, thank God. This is another dodged bullet. We never, ever know what the day will bring.
\n\n\nJust as I was finally ready to leave and head home, I received a text from my cousin.
\n\n\n“Call me.”
\n\n\nMy aunt had just passed away at 4:45. My cousin had spent several hours a day the last week sitting with her and holding her hand. She was with her when she took her last breath and I am grateful she didn’t die alone.
\n\n\nI called her “Auntzilla” to my inner circle. She was a bear and never really liked me much, even when I was a little girl. She may have been cantankerous in her old age, but that woman did a lot of good things for people in her lifetime. I will never forget the year when Hubby #2 was in medical school. We literally had nothing. One day, after a particularly rough day at work, I walked up the stoop to our house to find a big box from Aunt Peeps. I opened it and went through it slowly. It was clothes. Not new ones, but nice ones. Aunt Peeps was very fond of expensive clothes but was a bigger fan of a bargain. She bought good stuff on sale and hung onto it till someone she knew needed a boost. Then she’d mail them a box.
\n\n\nWhen I picked up the first piece, I ran my fingers down the fabric to admire the quality. I felt something in the pocket and reached in. Money! In the pocket of each piece of clothing there was a crisp new $20 bill for a total of $200! That was more money than I had seen in a very long time and was sorely needed. She loaned me her car when I came for visits so I wouldn’t have to rent one. She gave me Grandma Teeter’s old crocks and a lovely red child-sized rocking chair her late husband had found in a barn.
\n\n\nShe was generous, but tight as a drum. She knew the price of everything to the penny and watched her money like a hawk. She was strong-willed and stubborn. She was a raven-haired beauty till her hair went snowy white like my mom’s. She wore makeup till her shaking hand would not allow her to apply it anymore. She was vain in an Audrey Hepburn kind of way with the sharp tongue of Joan Crawford. She did not mince words and had no time for nonsense.
\n\n\nAnd now she is gone. The world is changing and all upside down. It’s like...I don’t know what to expect next AND I’m not surprised when it get’s here. Her death came at the end of a perfectly awful day. I called my cousin...the daughter of the only living sister...to tell her. We wanted her to be able to tell her mom in person.
\n\n\nWhen I finally got home, the stress and grief came out in the way they always come out. I threw up. To settle myself down afterward, I laid on the bed and considered the alphabet. I pictured each letter in my mind...describing it, noticing the way it curved to stood straight and tall. I heard its sound in my head. I thought of a word starting with that letter. Then went to the next. And, the next...till I had slowly worked my way through the entire alphabet. By the time I got to “z”, I was calmed down and ready to write. We do whatever we have to do to get by on days like these. Bottom line...I kept asking God to pull me closer. He never fails me.
\n\n\nThank you so much for your prayers yesterday. You have no idea what it means to me to ask for prayers and immediately have so many people drop what they’re doing to pray. The power of prayer is unmistakable and...palpable to the recipient who is in tune. Hopefully Mr. FixIt will get to come home today and it will be a better day!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people,”
\n1 Timothy 2:1 ESV\n
#Prayers, #Family, #Fear, Prayer
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/17/day-when-i-find-myself.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Grief","Gratitude","Fear","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/25/day-coping-during-corona-through.html", "title": "Day 40: Coping During Corona Through Mental Health Services", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e664440d88.jpg\")
By now you all know I am no stranger to psychotherapy. And, I have zero interest in hiding the fact that I coped with a serious seven year bout of clinical depression. There were so many intrinsic factors, most of which I don’t go into great detail about merely to protect the privacy of others. Suffice it to say, it was a perfect storm and it wasn’t pretty. It was hard and difficult to work through. I am so grateful that once I found the right therapist for me, the work became easier and affected permanent change.
\n\n\nThat isn’t to say I never needed to see a therapist again. I returned to grief counseling nine months after Mr. Virgo died. I needed EMDR therapy for the PTSD caused by witnessing what my husband went through from the moment he began to have symptoms in a RV dealership parking lot to the prolonged CPR in the ER to the doctor coming out from the cardiac cath lab to say they did everything they could. I saw the grief therapist for about six months before I sold my house and left Colorado.
\n\n\nI would say I’ve had two...maybe three visits with her since 2014...either in person or over the phone. There is nothing shameful about seeking the help of a mental health professional. It is not a sign of weakness. If anything, it shows remarkable courage to face your inner demons and get some help dealing with whatever it is bothering you. My faith has been the raft that carries me over the waves. My therapy has been the wind God sent to move me forward.
\n\n\nIn the aftermath of coronavirus, we are going to see an epidemic of mental health issues. All of those on the frontline of this pandemic are going to be deeply affected by it...just as the soldiers of any war. The long hours, the many deaths, the fear of contaminating family members...these are all things that will have to be worked through. There will be issues in every aspect of life...from the elderly in nursing homes all the way down to the littles who don’t understand why they can’t see their friends and their mommy cries.
\n\n\nI read an excellent article last night that talked about mental health services in the time of Corona and how you can reach out and get help even when you are self-isolating. There are numbers and websites and apps that can help connect you with a counselor to help walk you through this.
\n\n\nIt’s ok if you need help. It’s ok if you can’t take it right now. It’s ok if you need to talk to someone with an empathetic and knowledgeable ear. You are not weak. You are not a failure.
\n\n\nYou are not alone.
\n\n\nYou can read the article HERE.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/25/day-coping-during-corona-through.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Growth","Comfort","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/19/day-we-are-in-the.html", "title": "Day 34: We Are in the Same Storm...NOT the Same Boat", "content_html": "\n“The waters closed in over me to take my life; the deep surrounded me; weeds were wrapped about my head at the roots of the mountains. I went down to the land whose bars closed upon me forever; yet you brought up my life from the pit, O Lord my God. When my life was fainting away, I remembered the Lord, and my prayer came to you, into your holy temple.”
\nJonah 2:5-7 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/dc4fde4685.jpg\")
Let me preface this by stating this is not an original thought. I mean, really...IS there such a thing anymore? No, I read something yesterday on Facebook that someone forwarded. It was attributed to an “Unknown Author” so, who knows? If you wrote it or know for certain who did, let me know so I can give credit where credit is due.
\n\n\nThe premise of the post was the pandemic and where we factor in it. I’m sure we all have read “We are in the same boat!” That couldn’t be further from the truth. “We’ll get through this together!” Oh, that I truly pray for. But in the same boat? Nope. We’re in the same storm. And even that is somewhat different. The storm in Washington state and Florida and New York and Texas and New Orleans is far different than Montana and Wyoming and North Dakota and even here in West Virginia.
\n\n\nThe only thing that is absolute is, we are facing the same enemy...Covid-19. That’s the storm we are collectively facing. For some, it’s hardly a blip on the radar screen. For others, it’s a Class V Hurricane. To say we are all in the same boat is totally inaccurate. We are all in our own boats...sailing along as best we can with what’s being thrown our way. It’s a crapshoot where the dice will land when they're tossed our way.
\n\n\nSome of us are riding this wave with life vests out the wazoo. Money in the bank, food in the larder, a mortgage free home. It’s pretty much business as usual with a little more time at home than we’re used to. Maybe we don’t get the choicest cut of meat or they were out of our favorite wine. Maybe our biggest challenge is getting oh so bored with the menu at Chez Home Kitchen or we’ve gone through our DVR’s backlog of “must see” shows we always wanted to catch up on.
\n\n\nOthers have always been a paycheck away from hunger or homelessness. We’ve got parents teaching their children through online learning on top of working their own 10-12 hour day online...if we’re lucky enough to have a job, period. Some of us don’t have sweet and tender spouses ready to be there to back us up in our darkest time of need. Some of us have suffered abuse at night but at least had those hours on the job as a way to escape the blows for a while. Some of our children are facing hunger now more than ever...maybe for the first time in their little lives. Maybe the weight of the crises between moms and dad is spilling over and the littles are catching the brunt of it in ways we cannot imagine.
\n\n\nWe are NOT in the same boat. The single mom with three kids that’s trying to figure out how to keep her family together is not the same as the retired couple sipping their martini and watching the evening news together in their neat and tidy mansion on the 9th hole of the local country club.
\n\n\nWe are NOT in the same boat. The dad who works three jobs to put food on the table and finds himself standing in a food bank line for 10 hours to receive a sack of groceries the likes of which others can pick up at the corner market without a second thought.
\n\n\nWe are NOT in the same boat. Blacks and Latinos are dying in far greater numbers simply because their demographic puts them at a higher risk for disease.
\n\n\nWe ARE, however, in the same storm...more or less. We are facing a formidable foe. I pray we get through this together. But some of us won’t. Many of us won’t.
\n\n\nWe are seeing exactly what I told you we would see. I told you, if the numbers didn’t turn out to be the mega-catastrophic death tolls originally predicted, we would have people screaming that we over-reacted. I told you this would happen if the curve flattened but it’s not because we over-reacted. It’s because the safety measures we put in place did their jobs. This debate will rage for months...could more lives have been saved if we started earlier? Did we do enough? Did we do too much? Where and when did the virus actually start? Since we didn’t have enough tests, what is the actually number of patients infected?
\n\n\nNow we are seeing protests of the shutdown and some officials are easing restrictions in what others see as too soon and with reckless abandon. Just the other day I wrote a post about gaslighting and we are seeing more and more of that, too. Changes will come at a dizzying speed and it’s going to be hard to keep up. Throw a presidential election in the mix and...holy cats...what a mess.
\n\n\nIt’s not all gloom and doom, though. Look at how folks are rallying around the people on the front lines. Look at how people are contributing and volunteering and organizing. As Mrs. Rogers told her little boy...”Look for the helpers.” They're out there and they are doing good things. There are positive things coming from this. People are searching out ways to be of service.
\n\n\nIf you’re still having trouble finding a ray of hope, try this. There wasn’t a single school shooting in all of March 2020...the first March since 2002 to not see one.
\n\n\nThat is a sobering thought.
\n\n\nMaybe, just maybe....maybe we don’t WANT to go back to normal.
\n\n\nMaybe this is our chance to change. This is our do-over.
\n\n\nI had to do it after Mr. Virgo died. I had to create a whole new normal. A whole new world. A whole new identity. Heck, if I...in all my messy dysfunction...could work with God and create something as beautiful as the life I’m living, anything is possible.
\n\n\nAnything.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n““Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
\nIsaiah 43:18-19 ESV\n
#StartingOver, #Healing, #Coronavirus
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/19/day-we-are-in-the.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","New Ideas","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/14/day-its-ok-to-cry.html", "title": "Day 29: It’s OK to Cry. It’s Also OK Not To", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/06bee5739d.jpg\")
I’ve gone through a lot of therapy in my life. I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and the substance abuse of self-medication. I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and the progeny of a dysfunctional alcoholic father. I haven’t always selected the best relationships and I’ve made a thousand and one critical errors of judgement. My life has been messy and I’ve hurt a lot of people along the way. But, I’ve had a boatload of therapy and then I finally listened to the knock on my heart and let Jesus into my life to perform the most amazing miracle in an instant.
\n\n\nHe made me new.
\n\n\nThat therapy...those long years of prodding and poking the beast within me till I could expose it for what it was gave me the tools that I desperately needed when I lost Mr. Virgo. The tools I learned along the way, and the faith and trust I have in Jesus brought me back into the light and transformed my pain into my purpose.
\n\n\nI was telling someone the other day, if ever there were anything that could possibly shake twenty years of sobriety, it would be the last couple of months. At first, the coronavirus was something far away and didn’t touch me. It was no different than any other news story viewed with empathy but also a certain...detachment. It didn’t really hit home that it was coming here. I had this false sense of security, as I’m sure many of you felt as well.
\n\n\nThen, Mr. FixIt had a stroke. Mild, thank God. But... “he’s had a stroke” is NOT what I expected to hear that cold Friday night in February. Thankfully, that didn’t settle in and trigger my PTSD too much. As a matter of fact, I don’t remember much of the first couple of weeks afterward. That’s the nature of our brain...it protects us when it can.
\n\n\nWhat I do remember was...sitting together, watching the news. The coronavirus was here. We were transfixed. The threat of a deadly pandemic had a way of minimizing the stroke and changed our focus outward. We watched and watched and watched till we had to stop for our own mental health.
\n\n\nThen tornado season is hitting when these poor people are at their lowest. My heart is breaking...all the time.
\n\n\nI used to cry. A lot. I’d cry at anything...Kleenex commercials, the smell of my baby’s head, a sad movie, the tenderness of falling in love, the aching grief of loss. It occurred to me sometime in all of this...I haven’t cried. Not a break down, ugly cry. Not the sob till you can’t catch your breath kind of cry. It made me think something might be wrong with me.
\n\n\nOh, I’ve had moments when a silent tear has slipped down my cheek. When I snuck to the bathroom to throw up while they started the stroke protocol on my husband. When I got him home and finally felt the relief it wasn’t any worse than it was. When the news started showing the hard realities of the pandemic. When my great grandbaby said, “I love you, Gigi” and I couldn’t scoop her up in my arms. When I couldn’t be with my kids and grandkids. Then I saw the potters graves of the unclaimed, unidentified bodies piling up in NYC.
\n\n\nWhat is wrong with me that I am not beating my chest and sobbing?
\n\n\nIt turns out...there’s nothing wrong with me. I know it’s ok to cry. I know it’s healing to release those cleansing hormones. And, I know Who I hand this all over to every night. I know that i can lay every burden down at the foot of the Cross and leave it there and God will carry it for me. It’s like my tattoo reminds me...my burdens are light as a feather because God carries them for me.
\n\n\nThere is nothing wrong with seeking out the help of a mental heath practitioner if you are feeling overwhelmed. Most are offering video conferencing now and that makes them so much more accessible now.
\n\n\nI learned a lot about crying when I became a widow. Maybe I cried all the tears I had left in those first two or three years. Maybe I just got a heck of a lot stronger or braver or harder from that experience. I don’t know. All I know is, it’s ok if you can’t find the tears to cry right now. These are tough times. It’s just so much easier when you don’t have to carry this burden all by yourself. When things ease up, maybe our tears will come more easily. Till then, may you find some Peace within you.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-14T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/14/day-its-ok-to-cry.html", "tags": ["Faith","Comfort","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/13/day-and-the-gaslighting-begins.html", "title": "Day 28: And the Gaslighting Begins", "content_html": "\n“Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and burst their bonds apart. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he shatters the doors of bronze and cuts in two the bars of iron.”
\nPsalm 107:13-16 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d273a406d9.jpg\")
This is probably going to be the darkest post I’ve ever written to you. It’s dark...but it’s not without hope. It’s not without love or light or promise. It is merely my observation and it has been weighing heavy on my heart the last few days. When something sits in me like that, I know I’m supposed to write about it, so here goes.
\n\n\nHumans like security. We don’t like change. When change is thrust upon us, we want everything to go back to normal as soon as possible. I learned as a new widow that life will move forward, but it will never be the same. At first, that devastated me. Then time and experience showed me that just because it’s different, doesn’t mean it can’t also be good again.
\n\n\nI read an article over the weekend about gaslighting and the pandemic. People are going to want the world to go back to the way it was and Madison Avenue has deep pockets. They’re going to start rolling out things that are going to make you doubt what you’ve seen with your own eyes. They’re going to make it look like this virus wasn’t really what you thought it was. They might even pretend it never happened. That it was all faked to scare you. It’s going to make you feel crazy.
\n\n\nYou aren’t crazy.
\n\n\nRemember what you saw. Remember the pictures and the stories and the pleas for help. Remember that, if the death toll doesn’t add up to the numbers originally predicted, it doesn’t mean the virus was faked or blown out of proportion. It means the steps we took by socially distancing ourselves and using proper hygiene worked. The steps worked.
\n\n\nIt’s easier to believe someone went overboard than it is to believe that a worldwide pandemic brought the world to a standstill.
\n\n\nIt’s easier to say maybe we misunderstood what someone said than to believe they actually said such frightening things.
\n\n\nThis is an adjustment phase we are coming into. Another layer of the onion this pandemic has set in our laps. We are going to see things we never dreamed we could possibly see in our country. It’s going to be frightening. It’s going to be confusing. But it doesn’t have to overcome us.
\n\n\nInstead of focusing on the unwanted changes, what would happen if we focus on some of the changes we aren’t even looking at.
\n\n\nChildren are learning that electronics are tools for education instead of mindlessly whiling away hours focused on violent video games.
\n\n\nFamilies are gathering around the table every day...teaching, learning, creating, eating, praying.
\n\n\nWe are learning to appreciate what is really important. We are learning new skills. We are getting mom’s old sewing machine out and making masks for people to use when they have to go out. We are teaching children to care for others in the process.
\n\n\nWe are slowing down and breathing. The environment is recovering. The earth is actually becoming quiet inside...it’s not vibrating like it was with all the heavy manufacturing and traffic. There are places in the world where you can see mountains that haven’t been seen in decades because of pollution. National Parks are closed to traffic so plants and animals will start to recover. Streams will run more pure.
\n\n\nMaybe when things open up, more people can work from home and keep the traffic down and give the earth a chance to heal.
\n\n\nI heard a woman on CBS Sunday Morning yesterday. She said that maybe the NEXT “greatest generation” is being raised now. Maybe they will see what happened and learn better ways of doing things. Maybe they will take the stumbling blocks we have placed before them and turn them into stepping stones. Maybe they will find the cures and the ways of dealing with pandemics that will avoid disasters like this.
\n\n\nNone of these things will happen if we let them downplay the seriousness of the pandemic. We must not forget this, as much as we would like to.
\n\n\nThere are brighter days ahead, I assure you. They will be different, certainly...but they can be good.
\n\n\nI read this week that Bible sales are skyrocketing. People are praying and meditating and practicing their individual faiths. People who haven’t had any faith are coming to find a faith of their own. For me, my faith is in God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I find great hope and comfort knowing that God never changes. Everything in the world will change. Everything. But God never does and He is with me always. He loves me and wants to prosper me and give me a rich and full life. Does that mean it’s going to be cushy and easy and nothing but a party? Heck no!
\n\n\nWe have this promise:
\n\n\n2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
\n\n\nStand on this when you see the scary things. Just please...don’t forget they happened. We owe that to the brave souls standing on the front lines. The soldiers in this battle wear scrubs and uniforms, aprons and overalls, blue jeans and sweatpants. They’re nurses and doctors, therapists and technicians, cooks and housekeepers, trash men and sanitary workers, grocers and farmers, teachers and parents.
\n\n\nTake your fear and turn it into determination. Take your uncertainty and turn it into skills. Take your weary heart and turn it over and trust for better days.
\n\n\nAnd...know you are loved beyond measure.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”
\n2 Timothy 1:7 ESV\n
Note: This is not a political post, whatsoever. It’s an observation of the human state of being during a time of crisis.
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/13/day-and-the-gaslighting-begins.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Warning"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/30/day-when-times-are-hard.html", "title": "Day 14: When Times are Hard", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0a4ae958b3.jpg\")
When times are hard, the little extra things that come along can really add up and become overwhelming if you aren’t careful. Some days are just out of control. Actually...they all are lately. But yesterday was a winner. We had a great day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, it was warm enough to have the windows open to air out the house. Then, about 3:00 in the afternoon, the power went out. It was a really windy day and this often happens at this time of year in the country. A tree comes down on a power line, and depending on where it is, it may or may not be an easy fix.
\n\n\nMr. FixIt decided to go out and mow since our binge-watching of West Wing was interrupted. I decided to gather up my laundry and head out to the farm. When I pulled off the main road onto our little country lane, I smelled smoke. Not half a mile in, there was a column of white smoke and several firefighters and local people were working on a brush fire. A tree had come down and knocked a live wire down into the fallen leaves. The entire hillside was in flames and my cousin’s wife had a generator in the back of her truck running a pump to get water up from the creek.
\n\n\nWe’re really out in the boonies there. We don’t have city water out that road so there’s no fire hydrants. Most houses that catch fire just burn to the ground. While this fire wasn’t immediately threatening any structures, there were some not terribly far away. The farm is another two miles down the road so I’m certain there is no danger there.
\n\n\nNeedless to say, when I got to the farm, there was no electric. I called to check on an elderly neighbor down the road. I called my uncle to let him know about the fire but that I didn’t feel there was a threat to the house. And then I called Mr. FixIt to tell him I was just going to turn around and come home.
\n\n\nWhen I got back down the road to where the fire was, a fire truck was now parked across both lanes and I couldn’t get through. I don’t think they would have let me through anyway because now the fire was down at the edge of the road and the little valley was filled with thick, white smoke. I took a few pictures and headed back out the road to go the long way around.
\n\n\nI thought I would stop in the little town near the Ponderosa and pick up a gallon of milk but the power was still off and all three stores were closed. I got home and Mr. FixIt was almost finished with half the mowing. He asked if I wanted to take over and I jumped on the tractor for my first mow of the season. The weather was perfect and I got as much mowed as I could before dark.
\n\n\nMr. FixIt ran an extension cord from the generator into the house so I could have a lamp in the kitchen. I didn’t want to have the refrigerator door open very long so I grabbed half a kielbasa, an onion, and a can of sliced potatoes. I chopped the onion, sliced the sausage, and added the potatoes to a skillet with a little butter in it and fried it all together. In five minutes we had a quick meal from stuff we had on hand...and it was so yummy!
\n\n\nWe moved the lamp to the living room and I headed to the bedroom to write. I can’t hear the frogs over the generator. Actually, there’s not a more annoying sound than a generator running as far as I’m concerned. But it was music to my ears when I think of so many who don’t have that luxury. I’ll wear my earplugs and call it good.
\n\n\nIt’s just another thing. A small inconvenience. Maybe it was God’s way of saying...”Get outside and away from the television and the news!”
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-30T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/30/day-when-times-are-hard.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/25/day-kindness-changes-everything.html", "title": "Day 9: Kindness Changes Everything", "content_html": "\n“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;”
\n2 Corinthians 4:8-9 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e74abd4db7.jpg\")
If there was ever a time to be kind, it is now. Under normal, everyday circumstances the emotional climate would be highly individualized. These people happy, these people sad. These people stressed, these people relaxed. There would be clusters of people sharing the same emotions surrounding a particular event like a wedding, a death, a concert, a family gathering. Never in our lifetime has there been such a global group of people sharing the same emotional event at the same time. For those of us who can easily pick up on the vibes of others, this feels like having your brain in a frying pan set on high. Those of us who have gone through it know this feeling. It has a name. Grief.
\n\n\nNeedless to say, everyone is living with a heightened set of emotions. We are all experiencing grief in a collective way. Whether you are fearful, anxious, filled with dread. Or resolved, determined, keeping calm and carrying on. All of these states of being are emotionally taxing and make burnout a very real possibility. This elevation of being can make us respond and relate in ways that are totally unexpected and unlike the person we really are.
\n\n\nThat’s why we saw people getting in fights over toilet paper last week. It was crazy to us...but it was perfectly rational to those people who were in the moment. I think we all need to step back and breathe a little. Do a little meditation. Do a little yoga. Say a little prayer. Light a candle. Take a bubble bath. Drink a nice cup of tea. Go for a walk. I know I’m being repetitive here and I’ve said these things before, but I can’t reiterate enough how important it is to practice self care when you grieve.
\n\n\nIf we burn ourselves out now, we aren’t going to have the energy to fight anything that’s coming our way. We need to be our healthiest selves. We need to focus on eating good, immune boosting foods. We need to avoid lots of empty calories like sugar and alcohol. We need to resist the temptation to zone out till it all passes over...immersed in junk TV and junkier food.
\n\n\nAbove all, we need to practice kindness...to each other, and to ourselves. Kindness goes a long way toward soothing ragged nerves. West Virginia’s numbers doubled yesterday. And there’s a case in Wood County now, so it’s here. My stepson calls us every day to check in. He’ll pick up whatever we need and bring it out to us. We have two medical appointments...one tomorrow, one Thursday...and then we are home for a solid week. We are taking every precaution.
\n\n\nI find I’m not accomplishing what I thought I would do. I have yet to start stripping the wallpaper in the dining room. I haven’t started sorting through papers or getting rid of junk. I’ve been binge-watching West Wing with Mr. FixIt and staying to maintain social distance from the refrigerator. I resisted baking again today, but we have some rapidly browning bananas so I’m going to be forced to do something with them because I don’t want them to go to waste.
\n\n\nHere’s your helpful hint for today:
\n\n\nJust because the IRS has postponed the filing date to July 15th for federal taxes does not necessarily mean your state has followed suit. As a matter of fact, there are very few states that have. As of this writing, West Virginia has maintained April 15th. Since we have to file state, we might as well file federal at the same time. It’s my goal to get that done next week.
\n\n\nHere is a link to TurboTax with an explanation.
\n\n\nHang in there, dear ones. It’s about to get bumpy...but we can get through this. Whatever your faith or inclination...be it prayer or good thoughts or positive energy...keep sending it. We need all the help we can get!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n\n“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.”
\nRomans 12:12 ESV\n
#Hope, #Trials, #COVID19
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/25/day-kindness-changes-everything.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/24/day-this-little-piggy-stayed.html", "title": "Day 8: This Little Piggy Stayed Home", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7e9ddfdb8d.jpg\")
We had to go out again yesterday...this time to a doctor visit. The news was good...Mr. FixIt has a heart! And it’s in pretty good shape for a guy his age. After Losing Mr. Virgo to a sudden heart attack, and then Mr. FixIt had the stroke...I pretty much insisted they do a cardiac work up. We are breathing an even bigger sigh of relief over here.
\n\n\nThe governor of West Virginia ordered us to “stay-at-home” beginning this evening. Except for the doctor, the emergency room, the grocery or pharmacy, gas stations, construction stores...you know, all the places we normally gone anyway. He even said it was fine to go to the state parks and go fishing! Other than restaurants, not much has changed as far as where we are allowed to go. What HAS changed is the going.
\n\n\nI was thinking about this yesterday. What is it about being told to do something, like stay at home, and the only thing in the whole wide world you want to do is NOT stay at home. BUT...have a busy week of running errands and having appointments and the only thing you want is to just have a day at home with no trips to town. It’s crazy. It’s like being told to take a nap as a toddler. Now I’d give up a lot just to take a nap!
\n\n\nGovernors are resorting to this extra measure because just telling people to stay home wasn’t working. Because there’s an inordinate amount of people who think rules don’t apply to them. They are merely suggestions...more like guidelines, really. They say you can get a ticket if you’re out and about but I ask you, what good would that do when all you have to say is -I’m going to the grocery store-?
\n\n\nDaughter #2 is an anxious sort. She is so much like her mama in so many ways. I wish I could have given my kids anything but anxiety and depression. It is what it is. She called last evening and I recognized that quivering “I’m fine” tone of voice. So, I talked her down off the ledge and she felt stronger and more in control by the time we rang off. We talked about everything...from ways to conserve toilet paper to what was the name of that book you were telling me about.
\n\n\nWe talked about making plans and writing them down. What do you want to accomplish this week? This month? Six months? A year? She wants to be more self-sufficient so she doesn’t have to worry so much. Good. Check with the City of Denver...can you have chickens? Look for used pallets you can turn into a chicken coop. You want a garden? Great! Start planting seeds in peat pots so you’ll have seedlings to plant when the weather warms up. Mark out where you want a garden and get your exercise spading it up.
\n\n\nWe have to be proactive regarding our mental health during crises such as this. Just because we need to stay at home doesn’t mean we need to stay inside 24/7. Even if you only walk around your house or your building or down your block and back, getting some fresh air in the middle of the day does wonders for your spirits. Build a routine. Set your clock for mental health breaks. Drink a cup of soothing herbal tea. Play some music and sing along. Take a bubble bath. Draw a picture. If you sew, look up how to make masks for people since there is a critical shortage.
\n\n\nYou might want to practice a little social distancing from your refrigerator. Packing on a few pounds during this quarantine won’t help your health and you certainly won’t feel better. Try on a pair of jeans every few days to make sure they fit. As my dear friend Deneene says, sweats or pajama pants will trick you into believing all is well in the kingdom. I was going to make an apple pie last night, but then I decided not to. We had already had two pies in the last ten days. I’ve been losing weight and I don’t want to put it back on. We can have treats...just once or twice a week, not every day.
\n\n\nHumans are a resourceful lot. We can figure out other ways to do things. We can make something out of nothing. We can recycle, reuse, repurpose just about anything. We’ve become pretty complacent in this life. I know I have. But, my years of reading Mother Earth News and the Encyclopedia of Country Living have been preparing me for a moment such as this. Some of us may not get through this. Those of us that do must take it upon themselves to apply the lessons learned so that we might not be caught so flat-footed next time. When I meditated on this last night, a thought came to me.
\n\n\nMy friend Uma Girish was preparing to facilitate a group call when she asked her inner guidance what she should share. This is what she received:
\n\n\n“The virus is not the enemy. The virus is The Messenger.”
\n\n\nYes...the virus can be horrifying. Yes...people can and will die. But it brings us a message...loud and clear.
\n\n\nRaise your head and look beyond where you stand so you might better prepare for what is coming.
\n\n\nRemember what is really important in this life.
\n\n\nLook at what we are doing to our world...to the environment. We are slowly killing it and now...it is rapidly attacking us.
\n\n\nFor every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Cause and effect. I don’t think it’s too late, but we’re going to have to make some big changes and we all know...while change is good, it is not always easy. Change, we must. We have no other choice now.
\n\n\nMaybe God’s just putting us in a time out so we can think about what we have done to the garden He gave us.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/24/day-this-little-piggy-stayed.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/23/day-creative-social-distancing.html", "title": "Day 7: Creative Social Distancing", "content_html": "\n“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
\nPhilippians 2:4 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/62f9ad8e93.jpg\")
Ok, we have been practicing social distancing for a week now. Well, actually...it’s been a month since Mr. FixIt’s stroke and we haven’t spent more than a couple of hours apart in that entire time. That’s ok...I am happy to be here for my sweetheart and take care of him to the best of my ability. I love him to the moon and back. AND...we get very close to standing on each other’s last nerve sometimes. Perfectly normal under normal circumstances. These are anything BUT normal circumstances!
\n\n\nWe still have lots of doctor appointments and are considering our options as far as postponing. Some we may, some we really should not. However, we may have our dilemma decided for us if the offices call and cancel themselves. In the meantime, I’m going to get outside this week and clean out the camper so that I will have my little sanctuary to escape to. Also, if my Colorado girls have to bug out and come someplace safe where they can live off the land and be self sufficient, we may need the camper as alternative housing during this social isolation. We’re just keeping our options open.
\n\n\nThis has truly been the weirdest week of my life...of all of our lives, I imagine. It’s like waking up in a George Orwell novel. I’ve been collecting little nuggets of wisdom.
\n\n\nUse plastic grocery sacks or doggy poop bags as “gloves” for opening door handles, handling money, and pumping gas leaving gloves for healthcare workers.
\n\n\nTry to avoid buying up the WIC items when shopping so that moms on WIC don’t have to go home empty handed. They cannot use their WIC coupons for anything but WIC items. Maybe they’ll change that temporarily, I don’t know.
\n\n\nSing the Doxology as you wash your hands...it’s 20 seconds and you’ve praised God at the same time.
\n\n\nHave “the talk” with your loved ones about what you would want done should the unthinkable happen. It is not morbid...it is an act of love. Tell three people, and tell them who the other two are and that they should communicate in the event you become seriously ill.
\n\n\nSpend this time organizing your papers. Write things down...passwords, account numbers, important information. Write letters to your loved ones and stick them in a desk drawer.
\n\n\nI’ll write more as I think of them or run across hints that are helpful. In the meantime, Mother Nature is showing us that life does return. It is a promise.
\n\n\nToday’s Question:
\n\n\nAre you eating comfort food or trying to maintain a healthy diet?
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/23/day-creative-social-distancing.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/21/day-five-love-in-the.html", "title": "Day Five: Love in the Time of CoVid", "content_html": "\n“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.\"”
\nJohn 16:33 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ce8f7636b7.jpg\")
Thankfully we didn’t need to venture to town yesterday. Instead, we took a drive over to the farm to check in. Oh...what an amazingly warm day it was. I actually saw the thermometer at 79! All was well at the home place. The daffodils are blooming as are the forsythia and the flowering quince. The irises are shooting their flat, sword-like blades out from the wet, awakening earth. As you drive out through the country, the bushes along the roadsides are gaining a green, ghostly hue as the leaves begin to form.
\n\n\nThis is rockslide season and we saw evidence of several...one was actually encroaching on the road. The highway crew hadn’t gotten to it yet. It is supposed to get chilly again this weekend and then I wouldn’t be surprised if we stay in the high 50’s, low 60’s for a while. I don’t think there’s much of a chance of having another freeze this spring.
\n\n\nSpeaking of spring, with all the madness going on in the world, I totally missed the first day of spring! It’s here...even though it is highly overshadowed this time.
\n\n\nI read something yesterday that someone shared. It was a letter to the humans from the vantage point of the CoVid-19 virus. It spoke of how we haven’t been paying attention. We have been so busy chasing after stuff and working to achieve a lifestyle that is unsustainable, that finally the earth broke. There were horrific wildfires and we looked on with morbid curiosity and counted our blessings it wasn’t us. There were deadly hurricanes and we sighed and looked on with a tinge of sadness at the devastation. Then our attention shifted elsewhere and the thoughts and prayers were replaced with the next thing in the news cycle.
\n\n\nWe as a people are so self-centered. We look out for number one. Maybe, just maybe this virus swooped in to get our attention...to wake us up to the devastation around us. To how unhealthy the world has become. And if the world is unhealthy, WE are unhealthy.
\n\n\nI saw a picture of a mega freeway in Los Angeles. There were eight cars on it. I think someone said it hadn’t seen that little traffic since the Watts Riots of 1965. I commented that maybe Mother Earth is going to be able to catch her breath. Maybe the skies will clear. Maybe the sun will shine a little brighter. Maybe the waters will freshen a little. Maybe the pH in the rain will normalize and the fish will flourish.
\n\n\nMaybe the quiet stillness will give us time to stop the frenetic pace we have set for ourselves and we can really connect with our family members...even if it’s through a window or over the phone or FaceTime. I’ve already noticed more caring for each other. Children are checking in with their parents to see how they’re doing. They are offering to run errands or go to the store. Strangers are helping strangers.
\n\n\nThis is a time like no other we have faced. But, our grandparents and great grandparents were called to war. They were bombed and food was rationed. They grew victory gardens and knitted socks for troops. All we are being asked to do is stay home. While the threat of the disease itself is terribly disconcerting, we can do things to help prevent the spread.
\n\n\nI’ve heard the youngsters say, “Ah, it’s not going to affect me. It’s just the Boomers.” Well, first of all, no. It’s not just the Boomers. They are finding people much younger than they first thought are getting sick and some seriously. And...who do you think those Boomers (and the generation or so after them) are? They are the doctors, scientists, financial wizards, farmers...the experts. The ones who hold the keys to a great deal of knowledge. Those who say they’re “just Boomers” had better learn a whole lot pretty darned quickly.
\n\n\nI’m having nightmares. I rarely remember dreams, but I’m having dreams of death and dying. Too much news. Too much information. I had to step back and stop watching as much of it. I have to limit myself to a half hour of news a day. Just to stay up to speed with any breaking news. To counteract the bombardment of bad news, I’m putting in twice as much good.
\n\n\nYesterday, I baked a pie. I went to the farm and sat in my grandma’s chair. I did an hour of meditation/yoga on Facebook Live with my dear Earth Mother yogi friend, Sue in Colorado. I snuggled the kitty. I walked around our property with Mr. FixIt. I made BBQ pulled pork sandwiches for supper and pie for dessert. And I spent time studying my bible devotionals. It was a good day...even though the virus is creeping closer.
\n\n\nMy God is bigger than any virus. He’s bigger than any of my stuff. When I remember who’s in charge here and how this story ends, even if I caught the virus and went to Heaven...I win. Because HE won...and I put my faith in HIM.
\n\n\nI will not be afraid.
\n\n\nI will not be afraid.
\n\n\nI will not be afraid.
\n\n\nYou can watch my friend Sue’s movement meditation video here.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-21T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/21/day-five-love-in-the.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/18/keeping-our-distance-day.html", "title": "Keeping our Distance: Day 2", "content_html": "\n“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”
\nPsalms 19:14 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c5f24f5d55.jpg\")
Honestly, our life here at The Ponderosa BCV (before Coronavirus) and ACV (after Coronavirus) isn’t that much different. That’s mainly because we are retired. I think we are affected more by Mr. FixIt’s continued recovery from his stroke than we are the global pandemic. We have been taking turns making breakfast. (He makes the BEST oats!)
\n\n\nUp until late afternoon, West Virginia was official the only state without a confirmed case of COVID-19. Governor Justice announce there has been on confirmed case over in the Eastern Panhandle. However, I have a friend from high school...a retired nurse. She says her son and daughter-in-law tested positive last week in Morgantown and it was never reported. So, who knows what’s really going on.
\n\n\nWest Virginia runs 50th in so many things, it looks like we are running 50th in the number of tests being performed as well. You know it has to be here. All we can to is practice good hygiene and social distancing.
\n\n\nThe garage called today and my truck was ready so we went to pick it up. While it took the guy a week-and-a-half to finish, it cost a third of what it would have at the dealership.
\n\n\nWe watched the news together, but only to hear if there are more directives. I baked a pie with some blackberries from the freezer and made a casserole of pork roast, veggies and noodles. We are determined to eat through all the fresh stuff before it goes bad so we don’t waste a thing.
\n\n\nAfter dessert, I excused myself to write my post. I sat and thought about what we should talk about tonight. Yesterday was St. Patrick’s Day. Mr. Virgo loved St. Patrick’s Day. Just about every year, I had to go buy green food coloring at the last minute so the bar could serve green beer. These memories make me smile. However, Mr. Virgo was buried the day before St. Patrick’s Day. And that always makes me think.
\n\n\nHe warned me before he died that bad things were going to start happening in this country. Things with politics, finances, and health. He said it felt like a rubber band was drawing too tight or like a balloon being overfilled. I don’t know if he had a premonition, or if it was just his love of history and world events that spurred him, but he was constantly telling me to be prepared.
\n\n\nI wanted to believe him, but it seemed so fantastical at the time. Still, his warnings have never left me and I do find myself more prepared than I might have been before. I have friends who have lost spouses in the last year....two in the last week. When I think back over the months after losing Mr. Virgo...it was so terribly difficult to cope. And that was in a stable world. I cannot imagine what these people are going through without their person. To try to navigate this AND actively grieve is an unbearable thought.
\n\n\nIt doesn’t just take a death to trigger grief. You may be grieving the loss of security the COVID-19 virus is bringing to our lives. When things happen beyond our control, it can trigger grief reactions and PTSD. When I begin to feel frightened, I change my focus back to God and remind myself...no matter what happens here, He will never leave me. Even with that, I walk around with a little knot in the pit of my stomach. I take all the unknowns that I have no control over and put them in the God box and set outside the front door.
\n\n\nAll in all, we are doing just fine. We’re just taking it one day at a time.
\n\n\nSo, how are things with you in your world. Are you feeling ok? What are you doing with your time? How have things changed for you in the last couple of weeks? Let me hear from you...tell me how you're doing.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/18/keeping-our-distance-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/15/west-virginia-an-island-in.html", "title": "West Virginia: An Island in a Viral Land", "content_html": "\n“Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
\nPhilippians 2:4 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d56113ec4a.jpg\")
I don’t know if you’ve seen the latest news regarding COVID-19 or not, but West Virginia has the distinction of being the last state without a confirmed case of this viral menace. We hillbillies are sitting over here thinking “Heck, yeah! We’ve been drinking water tainted with C8 all our lives. We’ve been mining coal and have black lung. We cut our teeth on moonshine and coffee. Of COURSE it’s not here!”
\n\n\nYeah, well...not so fast. What that map says is “confirmed” cases. You can’t find a virus if you aren’t getting tested for it and, since West Virginia ranks 50th in most things, it’s only natural we wouldn’t be on the top of the list for getting truckloads of tests delivered. There are other reasons there is a hole in the map.
\n\n\nWest Virginians are a solitary people for the most part. Our “social distancing” is created by hills and hollers and long, winding country roads. And, given the demographics, we are far less likely to participate in overseas travel...or much of any travel, for that matter. Except for the OBX and Myrtle Beach, the average West Virginian may not have traveled more than a couple hundred miles from home in their entire lives.
\n\n\nAnd, let’s be honest here. West Virginia is beautiful, but there is a reason game shows don’t give away trips to the Mountain State. We are mostly rural farmlands and mountains and, while there is a lot to do here, people are not beating a path to our door. I think we kind of like it that way.
\n\n\nThe down side of this is, West Virginia is a poor state. Access to adequate healthcare can be difficult in rural areas. We are high on the obesity and chronic disease charts. Drug use and smoking are rampant. We’re low on the education and the income charts. But, I’ll tell you what we DO have.
\n\n\nWe’ve got grit. Determination. We take care of each other. We pull together in times of trouble. These things go a long way in a crisis. Yesterday, as I was working in the kitchen, it occurred to me...
\n\n\nWe know how to DO stuff. We know how to garden, raise animals, preserve food, build shelter, hunt for food. As my cousin Valerie said yesterday, “I feel like I’ve been training for this my whole life!” She’s right, you know. We have.
\n\n\nI grew up spending a great deal of time at my Grandma’s house. I learned how to can and cook by watching her. I got out of practice when I lived a cushy life in Colorado, but it’s like riding a bicycle...you never forget once you’ve learned. I was working around the house on Friday when my good friend Diane called to say the local grocery store was still well stocked, but at soon as folks from town learned about it, they would descend on it. So if I needed anything, I’d better go.
\n\n\nI’ve still had a few nagging thoughts that maybe we didn’t have quite enough to get by. The unknown factor here is just how long we may have to hunker down. And, what if the elderly people out the road need some soup or something? I really wanted to add a few things to our larder, so I made a quick trip to “the Pig.”
\n\n\nWhen I got home, I finally felt secure that we have what we need. Other than milk, we shouldn’t have to make a trip to the store for 2-3 weeks. That sounds good to me. I bought a couple roasts. I cut one up in cubes and put up ten quarts of vegetable beef soup. That’s always a good thing to have around. I have flour and yeast to bake bread if we need it. I got another large package of hamburger and divided it into portions for the freezer. I saved out enough to make a batch of taco meat. That is great in tacos and on salads and burritos. And, I baked a big pork roast. Just the roast alone will feed us for several days.
\n\n\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e8be5f158a.jpg\")
As I ladled the hot soup into jars, I thought of the younger generations. Unless they are raised in the country, they likely have not learned vital survival skills. When I raised my girls, I didn’t teach them these things because we lived in town. I didn’t think they would need to know how to raise and preserve their own food. And, hopefully they won’t. But at least they should know how to if the time should come and their lives depend on it.
\n\n\nI searched the internet for some good resources for those who need/wish to learn basic survival skills. Back when I was an avid reader of Mother Earth News and a wannabe farmer, I lived on two acres and had a huge garden. Here are a couple really good books I depend on when I need to know how to do something. And a website that deals with natural remedies. (Note: These are things I use personally. I am not a physician or an expert in the field of natural remedies. Any decisions to follow any of these recommendations are your own responsibility.)
\n\n\n\n\n\nComplete Book of Home Preserving (400 Delicious and Creative Recipes for Today)
\n\n\n\n\n\nThis is a time of uncertainty. We can succumb to fear, or we can use this as an opportunity to hunker down and get some things done. Do a deep cleaning at home. It’s time for that spring cleaning anyway. Learn a new skill like knitting or quilting or canning. Get in touch with your faith. Meditate. Plow up a garden or prepare some big pots for veggies. Plant seeds in trays to grow your own seedlings for your garden. Paint a room...or two. Clean out that garage or basement. Gather things to be ready to donate them when you venture out again.
\n\n\nI read something yesterday that really hit home. @mattdpearce on Twitter posted:
\n\n\n“I imagine all the closures give people a sense of ominousness. But it’s really an amazing act of social solidarity: We’re sacrificing so we can give nurses, doctors and hospitals a fighting chance. Start from there and hopefully we can figure out the rest.”
\n\n\nIf any of your people are in the medical profession, do whatever you can to help them. Check in on the elderly and infirm. Watch out for your neighbors. Let’s all be good humans.
\n\n\nI know it can be frightening when we feel out of control, so look for the ways you DO have control. Social distancing, self-isolation, and good hand washing. and all these other things I’ve recommended. Let’s flatten the curve!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-15T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/15/west-virginia-an-island-in.html", "tags": ["Health","West Virginia","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/10/panic-at-the-grocery.html", "title": "Panic! At the Grocery", "content_html": "\n“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
\nPhilippians 4:19 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4bceb923c1.jpg\")
Yesterday was so great. It started out with an MRI that took for-ev-er but was really pretty easy, as far as those things go. Poor Mr. FixIt has claustrophobia so he has to be medicated to have an MRI. He wasn’t always like that. He has worked in a field where he needed to crawl into tight places to work and design better ways of doing things. But when he had an MRI, the technician told him to just yell if he had any trouble. He started getting panicky and yelled, but the guy didn’t answer so he climbed out of the machine. That was the end of that...it’s either meds or alcohol. Take your pick.
\n\n\nOut of all the things that frighten me, an MRI just isn’t one of them. Partly because I worked in the medical field for so long, I have a healthy understanding of how it all works. And partly because I am extremely good at creative visualization. I can picture myself anywhere else...clearly. As the MRI machine roared to life with that knocking and banging and whirring, it reminded me of that time I got to run a bulldozer. My cousin’s husband was building a cabin up on a mountain and had to bring his dozer down. (It’s called walking it down, even though you are driving it.) That was truly one of the coolest things I have ever done and I spent the whole MRI envisioning it.
\n\n\nI needed to have a lot of scans then they pulled me out of the machine, gave me an injection of Gallium (a mild radioactive substance mixed with iodine that made a bee-line for my thyroid to light it up), then they put me back in to finish the scan. The technician remarked that I was holding so still and I was so calm. She wanted to know my secret. I told her I was bulldozing the lot where we’re going to build our new house. She looked at me and laughed and told me she had never heard that one before. I’m sure not! I’m quirky that way. lol
\n\n\nWhen I was finally finished with the scan and we had a healthy breakfast in us, we ran some errands. One stop was Sam’s Club. We did our “prepper run” last week when we bought a bunch of meat and packaged it up for the freezer and a bunch of canned and dry goods for the pantry. I tried to buy some toilet paper last week but Mr. FixIt reminded me we had a full bulk pack we haven’t even opened yet, as well as several other rolls. He convinced me we didn’t need more.
\n\n\nBut yesterday, he and I almost came to blows in the toilet paper aisle at Sam’s because I felt absolutely compelled to buy more toilet paper. His solid reasoning and calm demeanor finally convinced me to let go of the package, but ohhhhhh....I really, REALLY wanted to buy that and I couldn’t for the life of me tell you why. I just NEEDED it. Then, I came across this great article explaining exactly WHY I wanted to buy that toilet paper and I was reassured of two things. I’m not crazy. And, I have a very cool headed husband I need to listen to when the panic starts to seep in.
\n\n\nYou can read that article HERE.
\n\n\nWhen we were finished shopping, we went to City Park and walked 1.25 miles. It was 72℉ out and sunny. What an absolutely stellar day! The spring flowers are just starting to bloom, the trees are budding, and I’ve even heard peepers. (Although, someone has put in a double wide on the lot next to our property. There used to be an old pond out there and they filled it in to make enough yard around the house. I’m so afraid that has wiped out a whole colony of my favorite little frogs.)
\n\n\nHome, played with the kitty, made a pot of chili and apple crisp, and watched The Voice. It was really a great day...and I didn’t succumb to the panic surrounding the Coronavirus. Just keep washing those hands!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/10/panic-at-the-grocery.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Fear","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/07/theres-poorand-then-theres-poverty.html", "title": "There’s Poor...and Then There’s Poverty", "content_html": "\n“He sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from their destruction.”
\nPsalms 107:20 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1c417d8c3f.jpg\")
When I say we were poor growing up, compared to others we were doing just fine. Sure, we ate a lot of food from Grandma’s garden in the summers and took the canned jars home that she offered us. We had to make a pound of hamburger feed four...two of them male with hearty appetites. And my dad used to grow a garden on the empty lot out behind our house. I remember we would get half a beef and eat from the freezer for a year. We didn’t have a lot of extras, and we lived in a small, modest house in a clean, safe neighborhood...so we were actually pretty golden.
\n\n\nIt wasn’t like my mom’s upbringing out on the farm in the post-depression poverty of the 1930’s. Grandma once told me, if it hadn’t been for the cow, her family of eight would have starved to death. They grew and canned their own food, had a cow and a couple of pigs, and grew a patch of sorghum for their only sweet...molasses. It was a hard life. Still, five out of the six went to college.
\n\n\nWhen I left West Virginia in 1973, I was a newlywed and just graduated from x-ray school. I headed out into the world with great hopes and joined my husband in England where he was stationed with the Air Force. I couldn’t work overseas without going back to school and we wouldn’t be stationed there long enough to even finish. So, we had a baby instead.
\n\n\nLiving life in the military in the ‘70s wasn’t too bad when you were overseas because you got a stipend for living in a foreign country. When we got back home, though...that was a different story. We were stationed in Colorado where the cost of living has always been higher. We were lucky to get an apartment through HUD housing. It was brand new...had never been lived in. I felt like we were living high on the hog...even when we had nothing more than the barest essentials.
\n\n\nWhen Hubby #1 and I separated, I was still in HUD housing. The only difference was, I started receiving WIC and Food Stamps to supplement the small part-time job. It was hard to get a job when you haven’t worked in your chosen career since school and it’s been two years. I was lucky to find that one.
\n\n\nEventually, things improved. I moved up in my career field, made more money, moved in with a friend and shared expenses. I remarried when Daughter #1 was five years old and Hubby #2 was in medical school. We struggled to make ends meet as I supported us while he was in school. We struggled as he joined his first practice. And then, things got much, much better and we didn’t struggle anymore.
\n\n\nI know I’ve been blessed by that union in many ways. It gave me Daughter #2 and it gave me the ability to buy a house when the marriage ended. When Mr. Virgo came along five years later, we joined our households and life was very good. I haven’t had to make a choice between medicine and food. I lived in a camper for three years after Mr. Virgo died because I WANTED to...not because I HAD to. There’s a big difference there.
\n\n\nOnce I settled back in West Virginia, I saw much more poverty than I remembered growing up. I know ours is not the only state, but there are places here in this beautiful state that are struggling like third world countries struggle. My friend Diane sent me a video tonight that broke my heart. A single mom, trying to raise her kids in WV and what she has to do to bare get by. You can see the video HERE. She is articulate and on point and I think she should run for State Delegate and help fix this.
\n\n\nUnfortunately, poverty is the only “trickle down economics” that is demonstrable. It’s a family disease that gets handed down through the generations and it’s extremely hard to break out of the poverty cycle. I’ve seen it in my own extended family. It’s not the same world where Grandma fed her family with a cow and a garden. There’s an ever widening chasm between the haves and the have nots and it’s our children’s children who will pay the biggest price for it.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-07T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/07/theres-poorand-then-theres-poverty.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Anger","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/01/the-sky-is-falling-the.html", "title": "The Sky is Falling, The Sky is Falling", "content_html": "\n“\"If your brother becomes poor and cannot maintain himself with you, you shall support him as though he were a stranger and a sojourner, and he shall live with you. Take no interest from him or profit, but fear your God, that your brother may live beside you. You shall not lend him your money at interest, nor give him your food for profit.”
\nLeviticus 25:35-37 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f65e1c581e.jpg\")
***sigh***
\n\n\nFear mongering is rampant in this day and age. Good night nurse...you can’t turn on the TV without seeing horrifying stories about everything. Every. Darned. Thing. It’s really beginning to get to me. My blood pressure is high enough from the stress of Mr. FixIt’s episode last week. I don’t need to see the horrors...real and imagined...being played out on every channel with a signal.
\n\n\nI remember the first time I had an inkling we as a society were being manipulated by the media. I remember the first time I realized the internet was a double-edged sword. I’m not pointing fingers because I know there are bad actors on both sides of the aisle. We are responsible for researching and verifying as best we can and make our own decisions based on what we learn.
\n\n\nThe coronavirus is the current topic of interest for this news cycle. In time, it will be something else. A story is “ridden” till people are bored with it then a new story is the “it” thing. It astounds me how quickly things spiral out of hand.
\n\n\nI’ve survived polio till the vaccine finally came out.
\n\n\nI’ve had measles, mumps, chickenpox, and scarletina and survived.
\n\n\nDo any of you remember being quarantined as a child? I was in 1st Grade when I got scarletina. Our home was quarantined...with the note on the door and everything. The doctor came to my house to check on me a couple of times. I remember i was very sick and he gave me a shot. I didn’t go to school for a couple of weeks.
\n\n\nI’ve survived Hong Kong flu, Asian Flu, SARS, H1N1, the Cuban Missile Crisis, Y2K, Haley’s Comet, the end of the Mayan Calendar, AIDS, and the various predicted dates of the Apocalypse that have come and gone.
\n\n\nThe nonsense that is going around astonishes me. Some people aren’t eating Chinese food for fear of contracting coronavirus. Some people are boycotting Corona beer because they think that’s where the virus is coming from. OY.
\n\n\nI texted Hubby #2 the other day. He’s an internist with 34 years of practice under his belt. I asked him what his take was on the coronavirus. He said usual precautions. And stop watching the news.
\n\n\nThe usual precautions are:
\n\n\nWash your hands...well and often.
\n\n\nAvoid crowds in closed in areas for a while.
\n\n\nDon’t touch your face, nose, mouth or eyes.
\n\n\nDon’t share food utensils or drinks with others.
\n\n\nIf you have symptoms, don’t go to work or school. Wear a mask. (Research is finding walking around town with a trendy little face mask isn’t really adding much protection to keep you from getting the flu but if you HAVE it, it can keep from spreading it to others.)
\n\n\nWipe down counters and common areas with sanitizing wipes or use a water/bleach solution.
\n\n\nUse hand sanitizer if you don’t have access to soap and water.
\n\n\nAnd...wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands!
\n\n\nThis isn’t a political issue, but it’s being made into one. EVERYTHING is being made into a political issue this time around. I’m not going to jump on anyone’s bandwagon. I just want the truth. And it’s getting harder and harder to find. It drives me batso!
\n\n\nAnyway...try not to get overwhelmed by all the hype and use your common sense about any viral outbreak.
\n\n\nOh, and did I say to wash your hands???
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-01T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/01/the-sky-is-falling-the.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/28/comfort-vs-bravery.html", "title": "Comfort vs. Bravery", "content_html": "\n“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
\nProverbs 17:22 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/69648e7763.jpg\")
It’s so easy to slip into the “comfort zone”. Once you’re there, you definitely want to stay. There have been so many times I’ve been yanked out of my comfort zone...kicking and screaming. And every single time, I’ve grown bigger and better because of it.
\n\n\nWhen I was uncomfortably ensconced in a “Behavioral Unit” after the overdose, I went from reading Harry Potter to my daughter at night to harsh lights, loud voices, scary people, and a strictly supervised environment. I remember telling someone I felt like a slug on a hot griddle. The cells in my brain felt like they were sizzling. I was most definitely uncomfortable, but I discovered an inner warrior I had never really known.
\n\n\nWhen Mr. Virgo and I were driving to pick out a camper for our retirement, we basked in the comfort of our loving relationship...holding hands, sharing stories, making plans. When he suffered a massive heart attack and died within three hours, my world crashed and comfort became a foreign concept I wasn’t sure I would ever return to. People said... “You’re so brave!” My response was, “It’s amazing what you can do when you have no other choice.” I became more empathetic and compassionate and confident with time. And infinitely braver.
\n\n\nThen, Mr. FixIt uttered those words.
\n\n\n“There’s something happening here I have to tell you about. I’m feeling numb and tingly on one side.”
\n\n\nInstant discomfort. Fear. Panic. Explosive heart rate. Waves of nausea.
\n\n\nI’d been there before. While not necessarily a frequently visited territory, it WAS in my memory banks and I’d been there before. I knew there was a file card placed somewhere that said, “What to do in an emergency.” I just had to stop and take a deep breath and pull it out.
\n\n\n“Be BRAVE!”
\n\n\nYep, that’s what that card said alright. Think. Think. Think. How do you DO that?
\n\n\nIn my case, after all four steps were successfully accomplished, I moved on to my next step.
\n\n\n5) Excuse yourself from the room and throw up.
\n\n\nOk, four out of five is pretty good, I think. After all, you can throw up and still be brave. In the past, I would have chastised myself for being a weenie. I would have thought of myself as being inadequate...incapable of controlling myself...weak. Absolutely NOT true.
\n\n\nI came out of this with a new appreciation for my body and my mind. I was scared. It’s ok to be scared. I couldn’t control what was happening. It’s ok to be out of control because, in all actuality...I’ve never been IN control of anything outside of myself. And sometimes that doesn’t work like I’d like it to. I was challenged. We all have challenges.
\n\n\nHere’s what I wasn’t...
\n\n\nI wasn’t defeated. I wasn’t weak. I wasn’t incapable. And, I wasn’t alone.
\n\n\nI was brave.
\n\n\nIt’s the same thing I told people after Mr. Virgo passed away. It’s amazing what you can do when you have no other choice. I do, however, have a spike in my blood pressure right now and I’m monitoring that. I haven’t had high blood pressure since Hubby #2 and I split up. Stress does crazy things to your body.
\n\n\nMr. FixIt continues to improve and feel stronger every day. The numbness has reduced to only his left hand. We are hoping it continues to subside. If that’s the worst thing that came of this, we are truly blessed. He’s sleeping well, eating right, getting the rest he needs, and adjusting to his new circumstances.
\n\n\nThis is my “Feel Good Friday” post...because, it’s been a week since his stroke, and we’re feeling pretty darned good right now.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/28/comfort-vs-bravery.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/24/in-sickness-and-in-health.html", "title": "In Sickness and In Health", "content_html": "\n“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.””
\nDeuteronomy 31:6 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/423dcbe6ee.jpg\")
I take my vows very seriously. To love and cherish. Always. In ALL ways. Nowhere was that more apparent to me than this weekend.
\n\n\nWe are home. There’s no place like home.
\n\n\nWe are exhausted. Living on adrenalin and coffee with very little sleep will do that.
\n\n\nWe are blessed. We know full well this could have been MUCH worse.
\n\n\nWe are disappointed and angry (on a very selfish, base, childish level.) Why did this have to happen to us??? ***stomping foot***
\n\n\nWe are confused. Where did this come from? Mr. FixIt takes exceptionally good care of himself.
\n\n\nWhy us? Which is stupid. Why NOT us?
\n\n\nAnyway, the second MRI with contrast shows Mr. FixIt had a second stroke. We don’t know when the first one was. But there was a time about a year and a half ago that I noticed he was talking like he had a mouth full of marbles. It got better, but he continued to mumble. I wrote it off as colloquialism. They made some changes in his meds. The numbness seems to be leaving, praise God!
\n\n\nWe are looking at it as a wake up call to really start taking care of ourselves. We are far too young to start rocking on the front porch all day. We ARE going to take it easy this week, though.
\n\n\nThank you all so much for your love and support and the hundreds and hundreds of prayers.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/24/in-sickness-and-in-health.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","God","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/23/no-luxury-of-losing-it.html", "title": "No Luxury of Losing It", "content_html": "\n“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
\nHebrews 4:16 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5a66ca96ca.jpg\")
First, let me thank you for your prayers Friday night. This one was for us. My sweet Mr. FixIt had a stroke Friday night. It was mild, but concerning enough that he is in the hospital for a couple of nights for tests. My heart was pounding out of my chest and wave after wave of hot flushes rushed over me. Visions of the final trip to the ER with Mr. Virgo had me in a near panic.
\n\n\nI drove, maybe a little fast...but we got to the hospital in record time. It wasn’t the kind of medical emergency you need an ambulance for. He just had some numbness and tingling. It was more “let’s just go in and get this checked out to make sure everything is ok.” When they descended on Mr. FixIt and started all the medical stuff, I excused myself to the ladies room and threw up.
\n\n\nI didn’t have the luxury of losing it. My sweetheart knows these things scare the dickens out of me and he kept asking me if I was ok. I was honest.
\n\n\n“No, not at the moment. But I’m going to be.” I squeezed his hand and offered a brave smile.
\n\n\nI sent out the prayer request. (Thank you SO much for all your prayers!) I wrapped my arms around my sweet husband and prayed for us both. And I began to feel that sense of peace beyond all understanding.
\n\n\nGod didn’t mean for us to do the heavy lifting. He wants us to turn all things over to Him. When I sat there, I thought of all the people I know who have been through so many hard things lately. People I know and love. I took strength from their courageous fights. I felt a Legion of Angels around us from all the prayers.
\n\n\nWe waited, and waited, and waited for a room. Which almost always means we were waiting for the staff in the ER to find a moment between patients to get us upstairs. At one point, I thought if I could just get a blanket for him and turn off the lights, at least he would be able to get some sleep while we waited.
\n\n\nI went out to the desk and the tech said she was just coming to get us and take us to our room. Pretty soon, she came in and apologized. She said she had to go prepare a patient. Those of us who have worked in an ER know what that means. A patient had died and the family needed to come in to see their loved one. She was going to go make them presentable.
\n\n\nI didn’t say anything to Mr. FixIt as she left. I just held his hand a little tighter as my mind wandered to the day I was led in to see Mr. Virgo after they had made him “presentable” for me. I closed my eyes and said a prayer for the family who were about to have that horrible experience. I prayed that the Angels would come and wrap their wings around them and comfort them in their time of great heartbreak.
\n\n\nI patted Mr. FixIt’s hand and said, “It’s ok, babe. Someone else needs her more than we do right now. We’re ok.”
\n\n\nThank you, God. This could have been so much worse.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/23/no-luxury-of-losing-it.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/09/in-the-ditch.html", "title": "In the Ditch", "content_html": "“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
\n1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV\n
![\"Waves](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ada04f9744.jpg\")
“You never know what will trigger grief…I’m just grateful it doesn’t come nearly as often as it used to.”
Mr. FixIt called yesterday when he was on his way to our granddaughter’s baby shower. There was a wreck on our road. Someone had gone in the ditch, overcorrected, went across the road and ran into an abandoned house. I have to say, that road worries me. Whenever one of us goes to town without the other, we always text when we get there to alleviate the worry.
\nOne of my dearest friends in the whole world stopped at our house yesterday on her way home to South Carolina and spent the night. I was SO excited to see her. I met Deneene through Marshmallow Ranch a couple of years ago. She lost her husband about a year or so before we met and a mutual friend introduced her to my blog. Since she was local, I invited her out for coffee and it was one of those instant life long friendships forged on common ground.
\nBefore Deneene arrived, I baked an apple galette for a sweet treat. But, I have to say…my stomach has been in knots ever since I went to the viewing last Wednesday. I’ve been “in the ditch”. I’ve been to viewings and funerals since Mr. Virgo died. While none of them are easy, the only ones that really hit me hard are the “snatch deaths”…those sudden, unexpected deaths that snatch loved ones in an instant. It stirs up every bit of angst I thought I had put away long ago.
\nWhere I had been the comforter for Deneene when we first met…last night, she became mine. I poured out how fearful I become when a grief wave comes over me now. Fearful…because I tell myself I should be way past this. How can I tell Mr. FixIt about it? Will he walk away from me because he’s “had enough of this”? No, of course not. For one thing, it very rarely happens anymore. For another…he’s not that kind of guy. I should KNOW all this because this is what I do…I comfort others in their grief. I share stories of my own to let others know they aren’t alone. Yet, I tell myself…I should be over this by now, right?
\nMy sweet friend, so gentle and serene, calmly reminded me of what I told her back when we sat over coffee and shared our hearts for over four hours.
\n“There IS no timetable for grief…remember? There IS no rule book. YOU told me that.”
\nYes…indeed. I did tell her that. I tell you that, too. And, I tell you I’ll always speak to you with an open, honest heart and tell you the truth about this grief journey…even when it is uncomfortable or ugly or scary. Even when I’m happily, madly in love and remarried…I am not immune to the waves of grief that rear up against me on occasion. Of COURSE a loss that close to home stirred memories. Why wouldn’t it?
\nWas it a mistake to go to the viewing? I don’t know…maybe. However, I am so glad I was there to support those I love, even if it WAS hard. There are going to be hard things in life. I can’t avoid them.
\nIt’s ok to not be ok for a little bit. It won’t last forever. I’m not buying real estate…I’m just passing through. It’s the holidays and they can be rough for anyone. When I urge you to be gentle with yourselves, I don’t always take the same advice. I so appreciate my friend to remind me…it’s ok.
\n❤️
\n“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-09T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/09/in-the-ditch.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/05/the-last-hour.html", "title": "The Last Hour", "content_html": "Psalms 147:3 NIV
![\"Black](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9d50c9f127.jpg\")
“Pumpkin Kitty snoozing on her mama.”
We spent the day at home yesterday, watching the hearings, nibbling on Thanksgiving leftovers (namely PIE), and snuggling a healing kitten. She was spayed on Monday and she is doing very well, but she sleeps a lot. I’ve been trying to cuddle her in small doses to acclimate myself to her kitty allergens since she’s in the house for a couple of weeks. I can hold her like this for a while, then I have to hand her off to Mr. FixIt and go wash my face and hands. I have been coughing a little more, and my nose has been a little drippy, but nothing major. We’ll see how this goes. She is so sweet when she sleeps on me and goes all limp and warm.
\nAs the afternoon crept on, it got closer and closer to time to go to the funeral home. OMGosh! I was dreading it more and more with each passing hour. Finally, I told Mr. FixIt to go on without me and if I could, I’d follow along shortly. I needed a little time alone. Finally, I shook myself out of it, got dressed, and drove to town.
\nThis was just a viewing. They are not having a funeral. The family gathered at 4:00 to spend some time with the young man alone. Then the doors were open from 5-8 for the viewing. It was an open casket. We stood in line, we paid our respects to his mother, then went and sat with the family. We visited with people we don’t get to see very often. I was introduced to a few I hadn’t met yet. Then, we sat in quiet contemplation…as one does at such things.
\nIt didn’t take long for my mind to wander back to my own experience at Mr. Virgo’s viewing. My eyes stung as I watched the young man’s mother bravely greet people. A little laugh here…hugs and tears there…lots of deep breaths and sips of water. Boxes of tissues were shared. A chair was brought closer.
\nI looked at my watch. It was 7:00…the last hour. I remember the last hour as if it were yesterday. That’s when the reality hits home that…this is it. This is the last time you’ll see the face of your loved one this side of Heaven. I saw Mr. Virgo at the funeral home the night before the funeral, and I assumed I would see him again in the morning at the church. When I walked in, his casket was at the back of the church…closed with American flag draped over it. And I freaked out. I grabbed my daughter’s arm and said, “I get to see him again, don’t I???” She quickly went to the funeral director and they opened the casket so I could get that one last goodbye. It was brutal.
\nI turned to Mr. FixIt and said, “It’s the last hour. They do not need an audience. We need to go, now.” He didn’t question me…we got our coats, said our goodbyes to the kids and family and left. I can’t say it gets any easier to go to a viewing. But my experience gives me an empathy that I hope the bereaved can feel when I attend.
\n❤️
\n“Taking Jesus’ body, the two of them wrapped it, with the spices, in strips of linen. This was in accordance with Jewish burial customs.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-05T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/05/the-last-hour.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/04/grief-timestill-grief.html", "title": "Grief + Time...Still = Grief", "content_html": "John 19:40 NIV
![\"Grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0987370dc3.jpg\")
“Grief plus time still equals grief. It’s just to varying degrees.”
It is said, “A burdened shared is lightened.” I have found this is usually the case. A heavy load is more easily carried when someone picks up the other end. Mr. FixIt picks up the other end of my grief much of the time. While it isn’t necessarily his job, he helps me through the worst times because he is my partner in all things.
\nThat being said, I totally get how blessed I am to have this man in my life and I know he would keep picking up that other end till the cows came home. All I have to do is ask. That’s precisely why I don’t a lot of the time. It’s a tough job to love a widow. It takes a strong man. I don’t want him to burn out and decide this is more than what he bargained for. Besides, at some point, I had to learn to let Jesus do the heavy lifting for me so I could work on the feelings in my heart.
\nIt has been 2,457 days since Mr. Virgo died. I’ve come light years since those early days when I had zero control over my emotions. I was a slave to the whims of my limbic system. If you go back and read my early writing, you’ll find many nights when I literally grabbed onto the side of the mattress and hung on for dear life. Waves of grief led to oceans of anxiety that threatened to drown me every night. I knew if I could just hang on till the sun came up, it would be better. Eventually, ever so slowly, inch by inch…things got better. That’s why, when I get hit now, it’s fairly predictable and fairly remarkable.
\nTriggers.
\nThere will always be triggers, no matter how long it’s been since your loss.
\nOn Sunday morning, when we got the call about the young man who was killed in the car accident, my heart started racing, my hands were sweating, and my mind started to race. I had my hands full with dinner in various stages of completion. And, while I am not close to the young man, he was close family through Mr. FixIt’s children and grandchildren. I felt it was important to keep moving and get food ready for everyone.
\nI did well all day. I was supportive and listened and hugged everyone. I even told my story about losing Mr. Virgo to the family members who didn’t know me then. But, when I went to bed, I was quickly overwhelmed. My grief comes out through my stomach and I was sick most of the night. Just as it was in the early days, if I’m going to have any trouble with grief, it’s going to be in the long dark hours of the night.
\nFortunately, I have come a long way since those early days. I have learned a lot of tricks to help me get through the rough stuff. I know how to divert my attention by getting up and doing something different rather than lay there in bed mulling things over. Still, there are times when it all catches up with me and I can’t do anything about it. Those are the times I take something for my nausea and anxiety, go into the spare bedroom so as to not disturb my husband. Then, I talk out loud to Jesus until I drift off to sleep. When I wake up the next day, I’m fine and ready to take on the world again.
\nTonight is the visitation. This will be hard. I will do my best to be there and support my bonus family and my husband. But I will not lie…this is not going to be easy for me. What I will tell myself all day tomorrow is…”If you think it’s hard to go to this, imagine his mother. His grandparents. His cousins. His friends. You can do this. It isn’t happening to YOU now.”
\nThat’s the thing you have to convince yourself. It isn’t happening to YOU. Because that’s where your mind takes you. Memory is a cruel mistress.
\n❤️
\n“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-04T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/04/grief-timestill-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/30/when-kindness-matters-most.html", "title": "When Kindness Matters Most", "content_html": "John 14:27 NIV
![\"Be](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/915ddf5f24.jpg\")
“Kindness Matters Most…especially when it involves children.”
My dear friend Diane sent me a link to an article in the New York Times yesterday. It was a story about the new mayor of Charleston and how she barked up the wrong tree. It seems, in an effort to be inclusive and considerate of the Muslim and Jewish population in our state’s capital, she decided to rename the Christmas Parade. She announced on a Facebook post that the Winter Parade would be on such and such a date…and thus began a civil uprising. Well, maybe uncivil is a more appropriate description.
\nI understand what she was trying to do. And I appreciate it. Having lived 27 years as a practicing Jew in a small town and watching discrimination at work was an eye opening experience for me. It gave me a much deeper appreciation for what some people go through on a daily basis in this world.
\nThe mayor was attacked from all sides and had very few backers. Part of it was the way she went about it…making a unilateral decision without consulting anyone. But the biggest part was the way the world is now. I could have been a mediator by profession because I can easily see both sides of this issue. People were feeling attacked and that, in the spirit of political correctness, they felt the mayor was trying to steal Christmas. When, in actuality, she was just trying to be kind to everyone in the community.
\nAs I read the comments to the story, several of them were from minorities saying they never felt they were “less than” or “excluded” because of Christmas celebrations. While they didn’t observe the holiday themselves, they never felt threatened by other people celebrating. I remember talking to a Rabbi once and asked him what he would do regarding my children’s participation in these programs. He said “Lip synch the words to the religious songs and belt out the secular ones. There is a lot of beautiful music in the Christian faith. I think it’s very important that we don’t try to dilute anyone’s holiday.” That made a lot of sense to me.
\nThis story brings to mind something that happened to me when I lived in that small mountain town in Colorado. Hubby #2 was a new physician and we had only lived in town a few years. One Christmas, a couple of things came to a head that are very similar to what happened in Charleston this month.
\nFirst, the wife of one of my husband’s colleagues was Jewish and she had two sons in the public grade school. There was no mention in the curriculum of any holidays besides Christian ones. She wanted the children to have a greater world view and asked if she could form an ad hoc committee to explore how to go about broadening the horizons without stepping on anyone’s toes. Even though my younger daughter was only a baby at the time, I knew she would be going to the same school in a few years so I said yes when I was asked to join.
\nWe held meetings with the school board. We offered to provide children’s books for the school library with stories about Chanukah and Passover. We volunteered to come into the classes during story time and share traditional foods of other cultures. And, we asked that the school program in December be renamed the Winter Festival. That’s where we ran into road blocks and it got ugly…fast. Our mayor hung a banner across the Main Street through town claiming that “The heathens are trying to steal Christmas from our children! Don’t let that happen!” Those were the exact words. Heathens.
\nIn the historical context, the word heathen means “an individual or a people that do not acknowledge the God of the Bible; a person who is neither a Jew, Christian, nor Muslim; a pagan.” We certainly were NOT heathens and it was a blatant slur…not the least of the discriminatory experiences I encountered in my years as a member of the Jewish community.
\nOur little mountain town was formed by a large ranching and mining community. There were two black children, a handful of Hispanic children, and no Asians the year my daughter started 7th grade. We had relocated there from Denver where my daughter was in a tri-lingual classroom…English, Spanish, and Vietnamese. Her school was a cross section of humanity and she was dumbfounded by the “white bread” community she found herself living in. Every holiday, a large cross was lit on the top of a mountain within view of the whole town, reminding everyone that that “we celebrate Christmas in this town.”
\nAt the same time the banner went up across the Main Street and the cross was lit on the hill, we found out that the cross was on city property and the electricity was being paid for with tax money. This is where I had a problem. I can educate. I can buy books and bake cookies till the cows come home, but there is a separation of church and state in this country and the founding fathers made it that way on purpose. I believe in honoring that and if I would have been Christian at the time, I still would have believed in that.
\nThen, things shifted in town. It turns out the ACLU got wind of the situation and put the town on notice they would be taken to court if they didn’t make other arrangements for the cross on the hill. A citizen donated a piece of land up higher than the original location, and a new and larger cross was erected. Every year, a collection takes place to pay for the electricity and upkeep of the cross. I was thrilled with that because it was not only even more beautiful than before, it now complied with the law.
\nAs time went on, some things in town got better, but there was still an undercurrent of anti-Semitism. When Daughter #2, who was just a baby when this all went down, was in high school, she was bullied and called a “stupid, effing Jew” among other derogatory comments. I went to the administration but the bullying continued and we finally determined she would be happier at the alternative high school.
\nShe is doing well now. She is 29 and married. But she carries the emotional scars from her experiences. This is why I am sensitive to all people. This is why I don’t want the little Jehovah’s Witness children to have to sit in the cafeteria, ostracized by their peers because of their beliefs. I want the little Jewish children to be included in the holiday extravaganza because they have a holiday to celebrate, too. I don’t want any child to feel left out.
\nI don’t know what the answer is for you. All I know is, I personally know what discrimination feels like. And I know what it feels like to hold your child in your arms when she’s been crushed by bullies. Therefore, I say “Happy Holidays” if I am not sure of the person’s beliefs. I don’t care if someone says Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas to me. I am not insulted. Why would I be? It’s a blessing when someone wishes you well. I’ll take that any day of the week over some of the terrible things people feel free to say to each other these days. Because…kindness matters.
\n❤️
\n#KindnessMatters, #Discrimination, #HappyHolidays
\n“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-11-30T02:30:32-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/30/when-kindness-matters-most.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Grace","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/26/tuesday-truth-when-you-canstep.html", "title": "Tuesday Truth: When You CAN...Step Away", "content_html": "2 Peter 1:5-9 NIV
![\"Meme\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8c837d2539.jpg\")
“It’s OK to step away!”
Do you have trouble stepping away from toxic relationships? Do you find you are people pleasing yourself into a corner? Are you feeling pressed into doing traditional holiday things even though you would rather not? Or maybe you just can’t face your ____________ (insert relative/friend here) this year…or ANY year? Well, I’m going to do something here…pay very close attention.
\nStep away.
\nIf you need “permission” then, here…I’m giving you permission.
\nHolidays can be especially difficult if you’re grieving. Or if you have underlying health issues. Or, you know…if you happen to be human. If you are over the age of consent, holidays can be much more painful than they are pleasurable.
\nFor the last month, I’ve been really looking forward to going over to my cousin’s house for Thanksgiving. I don’t get to see her nearly often enough and this year it was for a very brief visit last month. I love to go and stay over a couple of days, but circumstances change. There are health issues with some of the older generation over there. Last year we left here early Thanksgiving morning, drove over, discovered my aunt had fallen and she and my uncle couldn’t attend dinner, so Mr. FixIt and I packed up a dinner for them and drove it to his house. This added another hour of driving…each way. Then, after our Thanksgiving meal back at my cousin’s house, we got in the tuck and drove home. It made for a very long day and was not relaxing nor fun even though it was great to see everyone.
\nWhen I returned on Halloween from the six week camping excursion with the rpod and discovered we had a new kitten, everything changed. Now there are no more impromptu trips and I am not up for a drive-by. I took the self-care approach and opted out. Now we can work hard to finish the back bathroom this week and get the sink, toilet, and shower stall out of our living room in time for our family gathering on Sunday.
\nSometimes it’s a sibling. Or an aging parent. You may feel guilty for stepping away, but as I tell you so often, you cannot fill someone else with an empty cup. WE are no good to anyone, including ourselves, if we continue putting ourselves in situations that are toxic and abusive.
\nI know, I know…there are times when you may be the only one that person has. There may be situations where you are a caregiver and there IS no other option. If you feel stuck…it’s ok to look for options. It’s ok to step away and take care of yourself. It’s ok to stay home and eat a hotdog for Thanksgiving if that will give you more peace. Surround yourself with the people who love you and lift you up and celebrate you if that’s what you want to do. But…give yourself permission to stay home if you need to. It’s ok.
\n❤️
\n“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-11-26T02:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/26/tuesday-truth-when-you-canstep.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/19/healing-and-scars-and-joy.html", "title": "Healing and Scars and Joy", "content_html": "1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV
![\"Grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/04875913bf.jpg\")
“Although grief is never finished, healing can occur and you can use your scars to help others.”
Grief doesn’t run in a straight line. Anything but. We’d love to see the slow and steady climb from that deep, dark valley head right up the side of that mountain to joy. But, unfortunately…it just doesn’t happen that way. Grief runs all skwiggly-skwog…up and down, back and forth, around and around and around.
\nAt first you don’t think you are making any progress at all. You can’t feel anything but pain. You cant see two minutes in front of you. It’s a bloody wonder we survive at all. The world is dark. No color…no sound…and certainly no joy.
\nOne of the things people had the hardest time understanding in my early writing was the “gems in the flames”. I always looked for those gifts God left for me along my path as he led me through the fire. This wasn’t just a Pollyanna attempt to keep my glass half full. This was an exercise in faith knowing that…even in my darkest, most painful moments…my cup was still full to overflowing because Jesus was in that valley with me. Urging me on. Asking me to trust Him and just take one more step.
\nIt’s easy to have faith when things are looking good. When you’re standing on the mountaintop and you’re feeling great, you may even forget to thank God for carrying you through the muck. Or, you might throw a cursory “Thanks!” His way then think “I’ve got this!” No, it’s when you’re down at your lowest…when life is hard and painful and dirty and ugly…and you beg for God to catch you and bring you out of this that you lean in closest.
\nWhen you’re walking the road of grief and things hurt so bad and grieving tears your heart out of your chest, you may very well be tempted to take a shortcut. Circumvent the whole process, push that nasty wad of grief way, way down deep inside and slap a smile on your face. Because, let’s face it…that’s what the world is usually asking you to do. “Aren’t you over this yet?” “You just need to _____________” (fill in the blank with any of a zillion suggestions you receive). The sheer variety of platitudes is mind numbing.
\nOh, you can try to walk around it or climb under it, but one of these days, that bandage is going to come off and you’re going to have to face grief head on and it’s going to be ten times worse than it was before. At least, that’s what happened with me when I tried to date someone way…WAY too soon after Mr. Virgo died.
\nEven four years after Mr. Virgo died and I started dating Mr. Fixit, I was still pretty broken. Fortunately, he has a huge heart and an infinite amount of patience with me. He allowed me to talk it all through with him. He’s a great listener. Then one day, I didn’t feel compelled to talk about it as much and my heart truly started to heal.
\nMr. Virgo came along when I was in a really vulnerable place. I had gone through a particularly difficult and ugly breakup/divorce five years before. And still, for the first year, that man listened oh so patiently as I went though all the gory details and told him every sad and angry story. He saw the potential and he invested in our love.
\nBoth of these men love me with the white hot heat of the sun. Neither relationship would have ever worked had I not already worked through a lot of the pain of grief…both that of divorce and that of death. Those two men I dated between Mr. Virgo’s death and Mr. FixIt’s arrival though? Oy! I bled all over them from wounds they never caused. It wasn’t fair to them. I hate that I was blind and couldn’t see past my own need for a tourniquet.
\nFortunately, I did come to some understanding how unfair it was to another person to try to have a relationship too soon. That’s when I stopped trying to date and started a serious relationship with Jesus. Then…when I was in a much better place…I was ready to open my heart and try again. It isn’t easy. There’s nothing about grief that is easy. And if you are in the throes of it, you will not understand this, but…I’ve come to look at every situation with a level of Joy. Maybe not jump up and down happy-happy joy. But with the Joy of knowing I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and will never, ever leave me. I have Jesus to hang onto when I go through the worst of situations. THAT Joy….that Joy with a capital “J”.
\nThere is Joy in the scars because you have the opportunity to share your story with others. You have the opportunity to reach back to others coming behind you who are trying to find their footing in their pain. Your scars give you the freedom to love others. Your scars give you validity. They show others they aren’t alone. And when you can be there for another who hurts like you once hurt, you give the greatest gift possible. Empathy.
\nYou don’t have to have flowery words. You don’t have to offer Hallmark phrases. You can give a hug, sit quietly, or just be honest and say, “Whew…I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.” It’s isn’t easy to be there for someone who’s in pain, but it is so fulfilling to know you can somehow help another human being when they’re hurting.
\nBeing vulnerable. Being available. Being open and honest. That is where I find my Joy in grief.
\n❤️
\n“Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-11-19T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/19/healing-and-scars-and-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/10/forever.html", "title": "Forever 62...", "content_html": "Psalms 30:2 NIV
![\"Handsome](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ec04ed0bbc.jpg\")
“Mr. Virgo…Forever 62…and still handsome as ever.”
Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mr. Virgo. You would have been sixty-nine today. Would you have been retired by now? Would we have pulled that camper all over the country? Would our golf game be any better? It’s hard to say, but my guess is…we would have been out hitting some balls today.
\nMy life is so different now…I do different things. I camp and write about it. I grieve and write about it. I got married again…and I write about it! Nothing is safe anymore…it’s all blog fodder. But in a good way.
\nI remember all the stages, all the phases, all the fear and pain and anger your loss caused me. I remember it all. At the same time, the edges are fuzzy. A little out of focus. The only words I can hear your voice say in my mind anymore is “I love you, baby doll.” I can picture your hands…your earlobes…your hair. It’s like I can see all the pieces of the puzzle but I cannot seem to piece them all together and put together a workable picture of you. Sometimes it’s frustrating. Sometimes its a Godsend.
\nAs I always tell my readers, the pain of grief is always much, much worse when I’m tired. Sunday night, I could not get to sleep. And the longer it went on, the more focused I became on being away. I knew I’d be tired. And I knew the waves could hit any minutes, even if you never crossed my mind.
\nI finally drifted off for about 20 minutes and woke up freezing. I turned off the fan, threw a blanket over me, and went to sleep for…maybe a half hour. This time, I woke up overheated, sweating profusely, and anxious/nauseated/jittery. I finally got up, turned the fan back on, and got sick.
\nGrief.
\nWaves of seemingly unending grief have dwindled to the rare bad night. Sunday night was it. I hate disturbing Mr. FixIt if I’m jumping up and down all night so I moved to the guest room, took something for my upset stomach, and finally slipped into a sound sleep for four or five hours. This is the way it works now. The fact that I am happily married doesn’t seem to phase it. We never “get over it”….but we do learn how to hold our grief with soft hands so as to not wake up the beast.
\nIt is your 69th. You are there with your mom and dad…and cousin-in-law Dennis…and now, your firstborn, Shannon. She has been with you for two years. I know you all are together and having a cigar on the back 9…watching the sunset.
\nI will always love you and remember you in so many ways. It’s funny how your shape in my life has changed over time. Each year you step a tiny bit further away. Your star shines a tiny bit less in my every day life…but you’re so much bigger in the grand moments. And still, every once it a while, a wave hits me and I have a bad night. Thank God, they are fewer and farther between.
\nSo…
\nHappy Birthday, Mr. Virgo!
\n❤️
\n“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-09-10T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/10/forever.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","Gratitude","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/09/there-is-another.html", "title": "There is Another", "content_html": "John 16:22 ESV
![\"Worship](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0e00872f65.jpg\")
“There is another who stands with us in the fire….always.”
I cannot tell you how many times I have felt alone in my life. Totally alone. Totally forgotten. Maybe not totally worthless…but pretty darned close sometimes. When I went through my formal conversion to Judaism just before my second child was born, part of the process was to sit before the Bet Din…the Jewish Tribunal Court that determines your suitability. Did you learn all you needed to learn? Are you converting for your faith…or for your husband? How will you accomplish the very important aspect of the Jewish faith…being a contributing member of the synagogue?
\nThese were the easy questions. I had already lived a Jewish life for 12 years. This conversion was merely a formality so that our child would be considered by other Jews to be Jewish once she was born. The difficult question came last.
\n“Do you renounce Jesus as your personal savior?”
\nI thought I would fly through these questions without giving them a second thought. But this question….this…betrayal to all I had learned as a child hit something deep within me I didn’t even realize was there. But what was I to do? I was pregnant out to here and my nice Jewish doctor-husband was sitting on the other side of the door, waiting for me.
\n“I have obligations to my family,” I thought to myself. “I have people depending on me to show up as a Jew…not the least of which is my unborn child.”
\nSo, I said yes…and that’s where the trouble started. I felt God…I don’t know…step back, for lack of a better description. From that moment on…for the next ten years…I felt alone. Forsaken, as I had forsaken Jesus. Granted, I had not recognized him as the Son of God at that point. I had never invited Him into my life. I had never given over to Him and called Him Lord. I guess, in that moment, I realized He was still in the back of my mind. He was still there. That is, until I kicked Him to the curb in the office of the synagogue that cold and sunny January day.
\nI didn’t deserve Him. I had shunned Him. I felt there was no forgiveness for such an action and that was where I was left. Dying on the vine from the inside out. Ten years later, after an overdose nearly killed me, I started my long journey back to life and along the way…praise God…I was brought to my knees at the foot of the Cross and came home to Jesus in 2005. Nearly fifteen years ago.
\nWhat I’ve learned since then is this: I was never alone in the fire. God was always there with me, no matter how far I tried to push Him away. I spent that whole decade feeling alone and unworthy…far from God on my side of the fence. Yet He sat there patiently watching out for me, patiently waiting for me to cry out for him.
\nI think of myself as a parent…how sad I have been at times when my children’s focus has them far away from me and how joyful I feel when they call, or reach out to me for something even as mundane as a family recipe. This must be how God feels when we reach our arms out to Him to be held. Like any parent…He loves His children. Like any parent…He rejoices when His children love Him back.
\n❤️
\n“How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-09-09T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/09/there-is-another.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/04/the-other-side-of-fear.html", "title": "The Other Side of Fear", "content_html": "Psalms 36:7 ESV
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/36c271d072.jpg\")
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Jack Canfield
I hear from a lot of widows who face fear as one of their most difficult symptoms of grief. Fear of the unknown…fear of being alone…fear of other people’s motives. Navigating grief is difficult enough on it’s own. Add fear, anxiety, and even full blown panic attacks and it ratchets grief up to an unbearable level.
\nI’ve always had a bit of an anxious nature. Anticipatory social anxiety. Commonly called “stage fright”. I’ve come a long way in learning to control it. Sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve learned the things I most want to do lie on the other side of that fear, so I have to figure out ways to get through to the other side in order to find my bliss.
\nThe fear I felt early on after losing Mr. Virgo was different than my usual pre-speech jitters. It was hold-onto-the-edge-of-the-mattress-all-night awful. Through trial and error, I’ve learned a lot of skills…tools for my tool box, so to speak. If I feel myself amping up, one of the things that almost immediately calms me down is listening to praise music. If I’m singing at the top of my lungs, its really difficult to be scared.
\nI’ve had so many people tell me they would really love to take off camping or traveling by themselves but they are too scared. The bottom line any grief mentor should take is honoring what others are and are not capable of. That being said, if it really is something you want to do, there are ways you can ease into scary situations without jumping in with both feet.
\nFinding a like-minded friend to do things with can help a lot when it comes to doing new things. Taking little baby steps helps, as well. If your dream is to take a month long trip to Europe but you have panic attacks going to the grocery store, you need to desensitize yourself. Start with little excursions. A short day trip. Repeat till you’re comfortable. Then an overnight, then two…you get the idea. Getting professional help can go a long way toward building your confidence and getting down to the root of the issues you face.
\nWhen I was planning the trip to Colorado, my biggest concerns were the social obligations of my daughter’s wedding and being so far away from Mr. FixIt. Losing Mr. Virgo so suddenly brings the possibility of a repeat to the forefront of my imagination. So, yeah…that makes me nervous. The night before the trip, my stomach was in knots but I did my routine and the next morning, I was good to go. It’s not the actual DOING that bothers me…it’s the anticipation. And, sometimes I just have to do the thing and feel the fear.
\nI’m really excited about the opportunity to take this new camper around. There’s nothing about it that scares me, per se. I may have pre-trip jitters the night before. I may not. Knowing what it is, knowing how to redirect my thinking, knowing just what I need to do helps me feel less out of control and more confident in my own abilities.
\nWhat I want is often on the other side of fear, but that’s exactly what makes the experience so much richer. I know exactly what I had to get through to get there and that makes me brave! After all…so far, I have survived every single experience I’ve encountered in my life!
\n❤️
\n“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.\"”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-09-04T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/04/the-other-side-of-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/02/the-tug-of-war.html", "title": "The Tug of War", "content_html": "Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV
![\"Angel](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9046855216.jpg\")
“Angel on one hand, devil on the other…trying to have their way with me.”
Mr. FixIt and I haven’t had a lot of time together this summer. I was gone a lot and, even though he joined me for three weeks in Colorado, we both have been working nonstop at this and that since we got home the first week of August. Here it is September already and I’m already preparing to leave again.
\nWe miss being together and we both know the importance of devoting time to our relationship. It’s been really nice this weekend because we took three days off for some much needed R&R. When I woke up yesterday, I was tired. My allergies have been giving me fits creating fluid in my ears which sometimes makes me dizzy. I laid in bed for twenty minutes telling myself it was perfectly fine to stay home…we didn’t have to go to church. I mean…it’s just this once, right? We go almost every Sunday when we are home. That deserves a day off to sleep in. I just didn’t feel good. I didn’t feel like going.
\nAs I let these thoughts run through my mind, I was almost convinced to turn over and go back to sleep when a stern “voice” shook me from my reverie.
\n“When you don’t FEEL like going is exactly when you NEED to go!”
\nI quite literally jumped out of bed.
\nOhhhhh….my thinker was what was “sick”. Church is the place it gets healed.
\nWhen I’m thinking I don’t need to go to church is exactly when I need it the most. And yesterday, I am not kidding…church felt like plugging in my jet pack. I got fed the energy and grace and love and lessons I needed and I left there convicted. Convinced the place to feel better is to draw closer to Jesus, not turn over and go back to sleep.
\nIt’s not enough to go every Sunday and get plugged in, hoping the charge lasts till the following Sunday. That obviously didn’t work last week because I easily could have opted out. My tug of war pitted the proverbial angel on one hand and devil on the other…each trying to pull me to their side. I know I can’t ever go wrong when I choose Jesus.
\nThe key is to draw closer…constantly. The Bible says we are to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). The way to do that is to turn whatever you are doing into worship. Whether you are singing in the choir or scrubbing toilets, it can be done with a tone of worship and praise. And when we pray, we are to devote ourselves “to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving” (Colossians 4:2)
\nJust that boost, and the conviction to keep close, has given me rest and regeneration. I feel so much better and not nearly so overwhelmed by all I need to accomplish in the next two weeks. I came to the farm after church…to my place of meditation…to the home of my heart…and enjoyed a quiet evening while Mr. FixIt bowled. Today, I’ll go back home and get some work done. Perhaps I’ll pressure wash the deck!
\n❤️
\n“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-09-02T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/02/the-tug-of-war.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/01/dining-alone.html", "title": "Dining Alone", "content_html": "Romans 12:2 NIV
![\"Dining](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/98b0114505.jpg\")
“Dining alone can be an intimidating experience when you are widowed.”
I saw her walk into the restaurant with the rest of us “early birds”. The waitress came up to her table and handed her a menu.
\n“Just one?”
\nI’m sure I’m the only one in the restaurant that saw the shadow of pain skitter across her face.
\n“Yes.”
\n“Really?”
\nsigh
\nI wanted to smack the perky waitress but decided at some point in the meal, this would become a teaching moment.
\nWhen we walked in, there were friends sitting in a booth near the front of the restaurant. They called to us to join them. The woman dining alone sat nearby. Our friends lost their son a couple of years ago. Eventually, our conversation included him…mentioning him by name, telling a funny story or two, comforting her and telling her at two years, it’s still ok to cry. It’s always ok to cry.
\nThe waitress came back to give us our check and I chose that moment to speak to the woman dining alone. We made direct eye contact.
\n“I remember the first time I went to a restaurant alone after my husband died.”
\nShe looked at me steadily. I recognized the sadness in her eyes. I sat there…many times.
\n“It doesn’t really help to be asked…’Oh…you’re alone?’ The first time I went to our favorite restaurant, I opened my iPad and pulled up my favorite picture of my husband and propped him up on the table so I didn’t feel so alone.”
\n“Yes…it’s really hard. Especially when someone comes up to you after a year and a half and asks ‘Where’s Paul?’”
\nThe waitress whirled around. It just dawned on her what had happened. She opened her mouth to say something and I quickly said, “It’s not your fault. You aren’t clairvoyant so you had no way of knowing.” But now she’ll be more aware the next time someone comes in unaccompanied.
\nAs we were leaving, I glanced over at the woman dining alone and gave her a long, knowing look and a gentle smile. She smiled back and waved.
\nGod moments. He gives us the people we need to help…and to help us.
\n❤️
\n“He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-09-01T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/01/dining-alone.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/30/and-i-will-give-you.html", "title": "“...and I Will Give You Rest.”", "content_html": "Deuteronomy 10:18 NIV
![\"Broken\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cedfd64030.jpg\")
“We can help broken people by touching base with a simple ? or ❤️…just to let them know you’re thinking of them.”
I have spoken with thousands of bereaved people in the last six plus years. I have heard story after story of loss and how their grief affects them. I have learned to keep healthy boundaries so that I don’t internalize the stories and let it affect my well being. This is something I learned in the beginning of my medical career and it’s a valuable tool.
\nWe all experience loss and grief in our lives. It seems to me, the older I get, the more of it there is to deal with. Just after I graduated from high school, I had my first experience with death. My Pop-Pop died of a heart attack when he was 72. The next year, a couple of friends from high school died together from carbon monoxide poisoning. News would come here and there…a neighbor passed, the daughter of a friend, an accident here, old age there.
\nLosing my mom was really hard as it was fairly sudden and, well…it was my MOM. My dad died four years later but the impact wasn’t as great because we never had a close relationship. Then…Mr. Virgo died and death changed its timbre. Death hit close and it hit hard and it hit home. I remember feeling…broken.
\nAnd now, there are people who are close to me who are suffering terrible, tragic things and I feel as helpless as anyone else. I want to help them. I want to hold them and say magic words that make it better. And I know…there ARE no magic words. The only thing I can do is touch base with them. Pray for them. Perhaps send them gift cards for things like gas or a meal. Uber Eats and other food delivery services can help a lot in times like this.
\nIf you are supporting someone whose world has been shattered by tragedy, there is one thing you have to remember to do and that’s take care of yourself. You can’t help anyone if you suffer your own burnout. It may seem selfish when people you love are in pain and you’re thinking of yourself. But believe me, it’s vitally important to practice self care.
\nWith that in mind, I seriously wanted to sleep in my camper last night but for a number of reasons, I couldn’t. I’m going to make a concerted effort to get out there tonight and have some TOW-Wanda Time. That is where I physically find the most peace and rest. And…it’s where I spend an awful lot of quality quiet time with Jesus so trailer time is good for me.
\nI took the truck to the Ford dealer yesterday and spent about three hours working on my camping itinerary for the upcoming trip. I made some reservations. I also found the kind of trip planner I’ve been looking for on the Good Sams page. There are lots of planners out there, but I was looking for one that lets me add and change stops and look for camping spots at the the same time. There are a lot of things to juggle with this trip.
\nI’m trying to focus on West Virginia while it is still warm enough to camp here. When it gets colder, I’ll follow the colors south. I found a map online that predicts when the colors will be at their peak in different areas. I think that will be helpful in my planning. The truck is in tip top shape. It has new tires. The mechanic said the brakes are barely worn and there are no leaks…the underside is really clean.
\nNow I need to go through the items I brought back from Colorado that were in my camper so I can figure out what I need to take and what can be put away. I leave two weeks from today. With all that’s going on with my loved ones, it’s hard to get excited about the trip. But, as one of my dearest friends told me earlier this week, my stories will be a distraction for her as she goes through her valley. I do hope they help.
\n❤️
\n“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-30T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/30/and-i-will-give-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/29/grief-time-grief.html", "title": "GRIEF + TIME = grief", "content_html": "Matthew 11:28 NIV
![\"Grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/efad09dc8b.jpg\")
“Grief is a process that varies from person to person…but there are some general similarities.”
The other day I read a Tweet that stopped me in my tracks. A woman said she had cut her two best friends completely out of her life because in the entire year after her niece died, neither one of them bothered to check in with her. Her comment came after someone checked in…a full two years after her tragic loss. He texted her with a very simple message…
\n“I’m just checking in to see how you are coping after the death of your niece.”
\nSimple. To the point. And, so welcomed it brought her to tears.
\nIt prompted me to reflect. When was the last time I checked in with my friends who have lost loved ones? I get so wrapped up in my “work”, my “ministry”, with the bereaved, I forget to reach out and connect myself sometimes.
\nLast night I spent a good two hours writing quick texts to several of my peeps who had lost someone significant in the last couple of years. I heard back from them and the response was universal…”You have no idea what it means to have someone remember to ask how I’m doing!” “Thank you SO much for checking in…it means so much to me!” “My own kids don’t even want to listen!”
\nIt’s true…once a “reasonable amount of time” passes, people move on with their lives. And, unless they have been bereaved, they may not understand that you haven’t. I remember how I felt abandoned. Like no one cared anymore. That isn’t true, of course. They just don’t have a point of reference for the depth of your pain and…it would scare the crap out of them if they believed that depth of pain could possible last more than a few months.
\nThere is no way to compare your own experience with that of another. Your grief is different than my grief. And it doesn’t matter how your person died…your grief is the worst grief ever because it is your own. But truly, I’m here to tell you, there is some grief that I cannot begin to imagine. Like the mother whose son was murdered by terrorists and left to die on the roadside. Or the mother whose daughter was found dead three days after a heroin overdose. Or the wife who returned from the grocery store to find her husband dead on the back porch from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.
\nThere are so many stories in the work that I do. It breaks my heart into little pieces. And, it makes me think, “If he had to die, at least it wasn’t like that!” I find myself feeling grateful it was “only a heart attack.” I didn’t have to watch him slowly fade away from the ravages of cancer.
\nAs I talked to my friend whose son was killed a little over a year ago, I thought back over the years since Mr. Virgo died. And, while there isn’t some neat and tidy delineation from year to year, there is some general sense of first, second, third, etc.
\nThe first year is such a fog. You are numb. You are just trying to get the next thing done, the next paper filed, the next account closed. Closet? Check. Accounts? Check. Cellphone? Check. The first year becomes a blur…a cross between busy and madness.
\nThe second year can be surprisingly rough…like you are standing in high tide during a storm surge. Your footing shifts like the sand beneath you in the ocean. Each wave hitting you blindly, knocking you beneath the surface. And…you can’t swim. Not even close.
\nAt some point along the way…you hear it. A little snippet of music. A little bubble of laughter. A little glimmer of color peeking through a stormy sky. And that’s when the tides begin to shift a little. The waves not quite so hard. Or…maybe we’ve become better swimmers.
\nFor me, the third year gave me a little breathing room. It was a period of exploration and self-discovery. A time of reaching out and stretching beyond my past and stepping a bit more boldly into the future.
\nThe fourth, and beyond, found me building a boat to carry me over the waves till the next storm comes.
\nI listened intently to my friend sharing her grief. I asked questions. I resisted the urge to share my experiences except to say the occasional “Yes! I get that…I felt that, too!” It was amazingly comforting to me when I found others shared some of the same things I was experiencing. At some point in our conversation, she asked…
\n”How is your life?”
\n“I feel bad sharing how wonderful my life is when yours sucks so terribly,” I said.
\n“No…don’t ever feel bad about that! Your story gives me hope!”
\nAnd that…in a nutshell…is what keeps me going. It keeps me telling stories…even when you hurt…even when I hurt. Because life keeps going on around us whether our sense of time has stopped or whether death has taken the joy from our hearts. I write about Jesus and faith. I write about grief. I write about pain. I write about love and joy and rocking babies. I write about travel, and camping, and becoming strong. I write about farms and mowing and fried green tomatoes. I write about life and all it’s little bits…both good and bad.
\nBut mostly…I write about hope.
\n❤️
\n“You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my source of hope.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-29T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/29/grief-time-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/28/when-bad-things-happenlean-in.html", "title": "When Bad Things Happen...Lean In Closer", "content_html": "Psalms 119:114 NLT
![\"Prayers\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/061a136b6d.jpg\")
“Thank you so much for all of your prayers. I am so grateful.”
Since June, there has been one catastrophic event after another befall my friends and family. Cancer, Stillbirth, Mental Heath Crises, Accidents, Illness, Death. One after another after another. I’ve heard it said “Bad things happen in threes.” Try three TIMES three…and then some!
\nI once read the book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” by Harold Kushner. The author is a Conservative Rabbi and the book addressed the long standing debate: If God is loving and caring, how can so many bad things happen to good people? While the book was written in 1981, I turned to it in 2001 after 9/11.
\nI had a difficult time reconciling a loving, omnipresent Deity “allowing” something so heinous to happen to thousands of innocent people. No doubt, people who loved Him, and worshiped Him whose only fault of the day was being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
\nI must admit, I was not yet a Christian on 9/11. It would be another three years before I took that leap of faith and surrendered to a God so much bigger than me. I was full of righteous anger that a “loving God” would allow this to happen. I could not wrap my head around it. I went to a psychiatrist and asked him for guidance. I was given a version of “these things happen”. Then I went to a Rabbi and asked him, “Where was God today???”
\n“He was there,” he said. “He was under the desks with the mothers as they called frantically to tell their loved ones goodbye. He was in the stairwells with the brave men who were helping the injured trying to escape the chaos. He was with the First Responders as they rushed into the flaming buildings, knowing full well they may not come back out alive. And many did not.
\nHe was on the planes with the terrified passengers and crew members. He held steady those that made a mad rush on the terrorists over Pennsylvania. He was with the unsuspecting workers in the Pentagon and the Towers. God was everywhere, crying out in anguish as life after life was snuffed out.
\nGod does not punish us with cruelty. He does not take pleasure in our pain. But what He DOES do is turn those terrifying moments into opportunities to lean into Him. To call out for Him. To have faith that, even in the darkest moments, He never forsakes us.
\nAnd that brings me to the events that have cast a shadow over my circle of friends and family…those I hold most dear and those whom I only know through others. We ask ourselves why these things happen, one on top of the other and the only answer there could be is…this is the nature of life.
\nAs Stephen Colbert so eloquently stated on the subject of grief and the loss of his father and two brothers in a plane crash when he was ten: about learning to “love the thing that I most wish had not happened.” He went on to say: “It’s a gift to exist and with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that. What do you get from loss? You get awareness of other people’s loss, which allows you to connect with that other person, which allows you to love more deeply and to understand what it’s like to be a human being if it’s true that all humans suffer.”
\nI hate that my loved ones and friends are suffering. I wish I could take that pain away from them. But, if by doing so, I would rob them of the awareness of other people’s loss and subsequent connection with them, then I am denying them their humanness…their connectedness. I would rob them of the opportunity to love more deeply and to truly understand what it’s like to be human.
\nWhat I CAN do for them is to be there for them, to hold a sacred, safe space for them to come to and grieve. And I can encourage them to seek a closer relationship with their higher power, which for me personally is God.
\nOur pastor said something the other day that struck me. I’m paraphrasing, but it went something like this: When disaster strikes you and you wail in your grief, this is normal. But lean in very close and put your ear to God’s lips and listen.
\nHe is closest to the brokenhearted.
\n❤️
\n“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-28T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/28/when-bad-things-happenlean-in.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/21/always-choose-joy-unless-you.html", "title": "Always Choose Joy. Unless You Can’t...", "content_html": "Psalms 34:18 NLT
![\"Compassion](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7ff59e4aca.jpg\")
“Here’s to the compassionate people!”
I’ve been on a JOY kick all year. Ok. I get it. I just got married in October and I’m full of the feels. But yesterday, I got a reminder that sometimes…no matter how much you WANT to…joy eludes you for an indeterminate amount of time.
\nI belong to a few widow’s support groups on Facebook. I have cockily thought to myself from time to time that I certainly don’t NEED a widow’s support group anymore. That is, until I DO. Then I am ever so grateful for those who share and lift each other up, no matter where they land on the grief/time continuum.
\nThere have been times when I read about the desperate sadness we as the bereaved quite normally go through and my heart breaks for them. I think of all the times I didn’t think I could go on. I think of all the wonderful people who supported and loved me through the most horrific event I have experienced up to this moment in time. There were people I didn’t even know…you readers…who lifted me and helped me move forward, even as I tried to lift others.
\nBut yesterday there was a post that garnered a good deal of pushback and it gave me pause. Basically, this person was saying…just choose joy. That’s a gross simplification, but that was the bottom line. Just choose joy. It made me think about my cheerleading and jumping on the JOY TRAIN and how it may seem dismissive of those who are still in the active throes of grief.
\nIt’s damned hard to find joy when the person who was so much your SOURCE of joy is no longer here. I know this in the core of my being. When I was in my darkest dark place in grief, I truly felt I would never find a glimmer of happiness in this lifetime again…let alone JOY. And yes…you DO have to make a lot of choices in this new normal. One of them is choosing to keep living. Choosing to keep trying. Choosing to keep moving forward no matter HOW hard it is or lonely or heart breaking.
\nWe choose to do this for others….our kids, our parents, our friends…even our person who “would want me to live my life”. Eventually, it is my fervent HOPE that we choose to do this for ourselves.
\nI have been guilty of using the word “choose” a little too blithely, I’m afraid. And if I have, and it has caused you pain, may I offer my humblest apologies. It is not easy to choose when you are in overwhelming pain. It’s not that I forgot this…but maybe I push it a bit too far out of reach to mentor as effectively as I would like to.
\nI want you to have hope. I want you to find joy. I want you to experience good things in your life again. I know it CAN happen…I’m proof. It just needs to happen in its own time. And when you DO experience what passes as joy, it may not look the same as someone else’s and that’s ok. I just wanted you to know…I haven’t forgotten those of you whose hearts are so incredibly crushed. I will strive to always hold a sacred space for you here.
\n❤️
\n“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-21T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/21/always-choose-joy-unless-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/18/let-the-sun-shine.html", "title": "“Let The Sun Shine...”", "content_html": "Psalm 119:50 NIV
![\"Woodstock\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f5e6c92329.jpg\")
“The Ubiquitous Photo from Woodstock”
Fifty years ago this weekend, a gazillion people descended on Mr. Yasgur’s New York farm just five hundred miles from where I grew up. What started out as a ticketed music event soon devolved into chaos as tens of thousands of unticketed hippies made their way into the tiny village of Bethel. The festival had already suffered a last minute change of venue and was seriously short on cash, but there came a point where Woodstock took on a life of its own.
\nFifty years have passed. I didn’t go, of course. I was only sixteen and actually didn’t even hear about it till it was on the news. Not that I would have done something so brazen as to defy my parents because I know they never would have allowed me to go. I never even skipped a class in school, let alone run off to a hippy concert five hundred miles away. Still, I marveled at the mass of humanity. And, I liked the music.
\nIt was such a crazy summer…the Summer of ‘69. The Summer of Love. That’s what we called it. But the older generations thought we young people were out of our minds. Sex, drugs, and Rock & Roll. And now look where we are. I saw a meme today. A grandpa was saying he fought in WWII and built his house with his own two hands. His great grandson said, “Sometimes I put a meme on Facebook and it gets a lot of likes.” That is so sad…and unfortunately, all too true.
\nWe didn’t have the internet in 1969. We didn’t have the news on 24/7/365. We didn’t have violent video games. We didn’t have as many latch key kids and no iPad kids or YouTube kids. Dr. Spock was just beginning to tell us how to raise our kids and to never swat their butts or we would bruise their fragile self-esteems. I’ll tell you what, if I sassed back to my parents, they bruised my “self-esteem” with whatever was handy. I did the same with my kids. Nowadays, you can have your kids taken away for that. And they know it.
\nI remember Daughter #1 saying she was going to call Child Protective Services because I wouldn’t let her go to a party. I smiled and recited the number to her. Then I took her car keys. It’s hard to parent now. Having the grandkids over this week with their own little ones made me compare how easy I had it compared to what they are facing. And I didn’t have it all that easy.
\nAfter my first divorce, I was a single mom in Denver. My family lived in West Virginia. I didn’t have anyone I could leave the baby with while I went to work. I had to find child care…and pray they wouldn’t hurt my daughter. I lived in HUD housing, on food stamps and WIC. I drove a beat up old Pontiac that I paid some Iranians $200 for. The hood and the trunk were wired closed with coat hangers. All four sides were dented in. I prayed every day I could get to work so I could take care of us. I didn’t have a smart phone and five sets of grandparents to step in when I was overwhelmed.
\nGod knows, I made plenty of mistakes in those early years. It’s a wonder we made it through. The music of 1969 was five years old before my daughter was born. I look back now in awe. I knew I’d be “old” someday. I just thought it would take longer. Oh, sixty-six isn’t OLD, exactly. I sure feel the difference, just in the last couple of years. Mr. FixIt and I work very hard and it’s taking it’s toll. I hurt in places that never hurt before. It takes me a bit to get moving. But, like my husband says…you’ve got to keep moving or you’ll stop.
\nFifty years since Woodstock…and there’s a real part of me that genuinely feels a little past my prime. However, I’m about to take a brand new camper wherever I want for five months and write about it! Isn’t that just about the coolest thing? I wouldn’t take who I was in 1969 back for anything!
\n“Let the sun shine…let the sun shine in…the sun…shine in!”
\n❤️
\n“I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body,”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-08-18T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/18/let-the-sun-shine.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/05/full-up-to-here.html", "title": "Full Up to Here!", "content_html": "2 Peter 1:13 NIV
![\"Bumper-to-bumper](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1645f43e4e.jpg\")
“Sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic up to Eisenhower Tunnel”
When I first moved to Colorado, Denver was a cow town compared to what it is today. In 1975, the Denver Metro Area consisted of approximately 650,000 people from what I can deduce for a graph I found. The population now is over 3,000,000! And it’s not just the Denver Metro Area. The states population has grown steadily….every single year. It’s crazy!
\nWhen I moved to Glenwood Springs in 1986, there were two stop lights in the entire town. If it took us five minutes to get across town we thought we were in some terrible traffic jam. Now, it doesn’t matter what time of the day it is, traffic everywhere is bumper to bumper.
\nWe left Montrose yesterday morning at 10:30. It took us eight full hours to drive 263 miles to Denver! Clear roads. A little rain around Eagle. The majority of the time spent driving was between Silverthorne and Idaho Springs. The Eisenhower Tunnel is a huge bottleneck and as soon as the toll lane starts around Idaho Springs, things loosened up and we made good time.
\nI thought it was exacerbated by the fact I have lived in the country for the last five years, but everyone here comments on it. And I have to tell you, I have never in my life walked into a Walmart or a mall…anywhere…and had the thought of a mass shooting go through my mind. But last night, we stopped at Walmart on our way to Ben & Sue’s house, and that’s the first thing that came to my mind.
\n“What is that crowd doing hanging around the front entrance?”
\n“Is there going to be trouble here?”
\n“Where is the nearest exit?”
\nI hate that. I hate that chill that went up my spine. I hate that I looked in the faces of those around me and wondered what they were capable of. Then I found myself in the cereal aisle and I heard Mr. FixIt’s friendly banter. He can (and does) speak to anyone.
\n“You only came in for two items? Well…you’ve sure gone over on this trip, huh?”
\nI turned to find a Hispanic woman smiling shyly at him.
\n“Yes…it happens all the time!”
\nI looked in her face and saw kindness and a slight self-deprecation at her inability to stick to a shopping list. And, what I saw was no different than me.
\nI smiled warmly at her and said, “Oh, I do that, too! What’s worse is when I come home and don’t have half of what I came in for in the first place!”
\nThis was a welcome moment in an otherwise horrifying set of current events. I am devastated. I am outraged. And, I will do what I can and not just send thoughts and prayers, although those are flowing fervently. My heart is broken for the victims of yet more violence.
\nWe pack up the truck this morning and say goodbye to to our Colorado peeps and hit the road for West Virginia. Please keep us in your prayers for travel mercies but more importantly, pray for those innocents who were just going about their day.
\n❤️
\n“Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.””\n\n", "date_published": "2019-08-05T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/05/full-up-to-here.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","God","Fear","Courage","Warning","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/20/hand-it-over.html", "title": "Hand it Over", "content_html": "Isaiah 35:3-4 NIV
![\"2](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/45c9d08a2f.jpg\")
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7”
I have struggled with anxiety all of my life. It’s so, so frustrating because I know what it is. I know the feelings are real, but they stem from thoughts. I have a whole toolbox of techniques that I’ve used over the years…some helpful, some decidedly harmful, all of them ineffective to a large degree. It wasn’t until I started studying the Bible looking for answers that I have begun to find some semblance of relief.
\nI was reading a devotional about anxiety and fear this week and came across something I had never read before but it really struck home. It talked about a secondary effect of anxiety becoming “a fear of fear itself”. That sums it up so distinctly. I really HATE feeling afraid…to the point of fearing the fear. Suddenly, it just all seemed so ridiculous.
\nThe Bible talks a lot about fear and anxiety. So much so that it is apparent these feelings are prevalent in all humans to some degree. For years…decades…I felt weird about my anxiety. Like there was something wrong with me. That I was somehow flawed and no one else had these feelings. Knowing I’m not alone…even Joshua and Mary and countless others were told by God to not be afraid. That is so comforting to me.
\nI am excited about the upcoming wedding in two weeks. I’m thrilled for my daughter and her happiness. And, it’s hard to tease out the difference between the butterflies of excitement and the quaking of anxiety. It affects me physically the same and my mind can easily take off on a wild tangent which isn’t anywhere I really want to go.
\nThis most recent Bible study I read says whenever the first feelings of anxiety or fear begin to come into your mind, think of a praise instead. Turn on praise music. Sing a praise song. Thank Jesus for waking you up this morning. What I’ve been doing is telling God about all the beautiful things we’re going to do the day of the wedding. I’ve been telling Him about the pretty dresses the girls are wearing. And all the people we’re going to see that we love and don’t get to see often enough. I’ve invited Him to come along with me and to be there right alongside each of us.
\nThere’s so much in life that can change plans at the last minute. There are illnesses in families or some other unforeseen circumstances that you can’t predict. It doesn’t help to be nervous or worried, but it’s hard not to be. As Jesus said, God takes care of the birds and the fields…surely He’ll take good care of us…even in our worst moments.
\nI hand things over…repeatedly. And, it does get easier and easier to remember to give it to God first before I let my mind jump on the worry train and go off the rails. There will always be something you can worry about. That’s how the enemy steals your joy. And, there are situations in life that you can’t help but let affect you. Things like watching a loved one decline. Losing someone or something special. An unexpected diagnosis or financial difficulty. God wants to walk those paths with you. Reach out your hand and take His. He’s so much bigger than anything that troubles you.
\n❤️
\n“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-07-20T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/20/hand-it-over.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/30/americas-bread-basket-is-baking.html", "title": "America’s Bread Basket is Baking!", "content_html": "Philippians 4:6-7 NIV
![\"Snaps](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4eae21c471.jpg\")
“Clockwise from top left: My rig in the summer sun in Kansas, the long straight stretch that is Kansas…look how green!, my digital laser thermometer that I use to check my hub temperatures at every stop, me looking decidedly fresher in the AM than I was by evening!”
You know you are getting into farm and ranch land when you start seeing billboards advertising bovine genetics and DEKALB seed corn. I left the Lazy Day Campground in Danville, Missouri yesterday morning about 8:00. It was a very long, very HOT day. A section of I-70 was closed at Kansas City so I took the recommended detour. I recognized it as the route I usually take anyway to avoid downtown. There is one interchange on the interstate near the city where you have to get from the right hand side onramp to a left hand side exit in less than 1/4 mile. Pulling a camper makes that a real challenge, let me tell you!!! At least it wasn’t with big TOW-Wanda on a Friday night at rush hour. We have to look for the little things!
\nWhen I was emptying the tanks on the camper before I left yesterday, it wasn’t 8:00 yet and the sun would take the hide right off of you. The temperature quickly soared to the high 90’s and by the time I was halfway through Kansas, it was 100. The low was only expected to go down to 80 so I stopped and got a hotel room. When I first got in the room, I cranked up the air conditioner and stretched out on the bed. I texted Mr. FixIt and said, “I am NEVER doing this again!!!” He texted back that I don’t have to. I’m holding him to it!
\nOk, it was the third day. It was hard. It was hot. I was tired and probably a little hungry and dehydrated. And knowing I have over 350 more miles to go had me feeling really sorry for myself there for a few minutes. But, once I rested for a while and got something to eat and drink, I felt a ton better. When I stop tonight, it’s going to be at my son-in-law’s parents’ house so I’ll be with family. It’s going to take me a week to rest up and acclimate to the altitude. Mr. FixIt will join me on the 13th so that time will pass quickly.
\nI had a lot of time to think about this as I was driving yesterday. I don’t like being this far away from Mr. FixIt. I thought about that from every angle. I asked myself if it was co-dependency. I don’t think it’s that at all. I do all kinds of things without him and I don’t need to be attached at the hip. I talked with my dear friend Deneene about this last night. She lost her husband unexpectedly about a year after Mr. Virgo died. She is also recently remarried. We decided it’s not co-dependency at all. It’s the fact that we KNOW what can happen and how quickly it can come. I don’t think it’s that I’m doing something without him. It’s that I’m doing something so far away from him and I can’t get to him quickly. THAT I don’t like at all.
\nStill, it is fun in many ways. I’ve seen some beautiful countryside. The sky was blue and wide open. I’ve forgotten what that looks like living in West Virginia. (I took the picture while driving but my phone was in a cradle and all I did was touch the screen. No eyes off the road for me!) I don’t have anything pressing to do once I get to Denver so I can relax and catch up on my rest, keep myself really hydrated to counteract the altitude, knit, write, and visit with my Colorado peeps. I could not believe how green Kansas is. They had the same long, drawn out, wet spring everyone else had. It is so hard to believe the temperature is in the high 90’s in Colorado and one week ago they had two feet of snow. Crazy weather!
\nOh, see that picture bottom right? That’s my digital laser thermometer. After burning up an axle in Indiana two summer ago, I check my hubs religiously…every time I stop and get out of the truck. I know you can just put your hand down there and feel if it’s hot, but how hot is too hot and if it IS that hot, you’ll burn the heck out of your hand. I keep watch on it and it’s always between 100-110. That’s perfect. If it goes up, it means the bearings need grease.
\nWell, I’m on the last leg of this Grand Adventure. The last leg of the first part of it, anyway! It’s just me and Jesus…making our way west!
\n❤️
\n“….“The Lord watch between you and me, when we are out of one another’s sight.”
\nGenesis 31:49 ESV
\n#Separation, #Marriage, #Adventure
\n", "date_published": "2019-06-30T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/30/americas-bread-basket-is-baking.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/29/travel-lotsa-learnin-goin-on.html", "title": "Travel: Lotsa Learnin’ Goin’ On Here!", "content_html": "![\"Good](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b74762fda5.jpg\")
“I use a French press a lot when I camp. I have a manual grinder, too.”
So, yesterday morning I took my time waking up. I do that when I travel. My Bible app has a year long study where you read the whole bible in a year. With the trip to Florida, being sick, and getting ready for this trip, I was thirteen days behind. I don’t like to get behind on that one because there’s a good deal to read every day. I spent a little extra time reading while I enjoyed a tasty cup of coffee. I chatted with Mr. FixIt for a while. I finally got on the road about 10:00.
\nThe drive was uneventful. I usually drive in silence because I do my best thinking when I drive. But I wanted to listen to music so I pulled into a rest area and tried to figure out how to connect my phone to the sound system on the truck. It took me a few tries but soon I was bebopping down the highway listening to some praise music.
\nAround 3:00, I pulled into another rest area and stretched out in front of my hillbilly air conditioner again. When I was almost to St. Louis, Mr. FixIt called. We were chatting as the GPS took me around the city. Still…it was 5:00…on a Friday…in June! Heck of a time to go through there. I wasn’t on the phone long because I needed to concentrate.
\nSuddenly, two things happened. I noticed the sky got really dark all of a sudden. And, Mavis…my GPS persona…announce I-70 was closed. Closed? Are you kidding me? How do you close a whole interstate. I had to make some quick decisions but the weather did it for me. The sky opened and I was suddenly driving through what looked like a car wash.
\nI quickly pulled off the highway and into a Denny’s parking lot. I ran through the rain and jumped in the camper. I pulled my vegetable lasagna out of my 12v slow cooker and ate dinner while I watched both an amazing lightning show as well as a band of bright red storms march toward me on the Weather Channel radar.
\nI looked through the Good Sam Camping Guide and found a campground on the other side of St. Louis. I called and they had one site left. I should have called yesterday morning but I honestly forgot it was Friday. I seldom make reservations when I travel and so far I have never lacked a place to stay.
\nBefore long, the storm was past me and I got back behind the wheel. The detour took about an hour because it was bumper to bumper stop and go traffic for 19 miles. I arrived at the campground and registered. They showed me to my site and it’s perfectly lovely. When I was at Walmart yesterday, I bought a replacement shower head for my camper. I installed it after I arrived last night. Easy peasy. And, the hot water heater worked! Imagine that! We hadn’t even tried it out yet.
\nAs soon as I could, I jumped in that teeny tiny little shower. It was easier to FIX the shower than it was to TAKE one! Once I was all done, I felt like a million bucks. If you look at the map, I am almost exactly at the halfway point. That’s great…but I still have a long way to go! I’m not going to try to make it to Colorado tomorrow. I’ll take it easy and stop in western Kansas or eastern Colorado.
\nLearned a lot of things today. 1) Make reservations if your camping on a Friday. 2) Pay closer attention to the calendar. 3) Check further ahead for weather and road conditions. 4) Changing a shower head is easy. 5) Listening to praise music is a great prep tool for stressful circumstances!
\nEnjoy your Saturday!
\n❤️
\n“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-06-29T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/29/travel-lotsa-learnin-goin-on.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Gratitude","Grace","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Aging","Presence","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/28/praying-for-others.html", "title": "Praying for Others", "content_html": "James 1:2-4 ESV
![\"Praying](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7cc49d4eeb.jpg\")
“Praying for others is the key to freedom.”
As time passes, my daughter’s wedding is looming in the forefront of my mind. What to wear? Well, I’ve bought three dresses…so far. It depends what suits me that day, I think. The event seems to be fast and loose so I’m not terribly worried about that part.
\nAs I headed into this, the idea of being the mother of the bride…for the last time really…filled me with delicious anticipation mixed with bits of trepidation. Her father and I have mended a lot of fences over the years and I am so proud of the way we can demonstrate good behaviors for our kids and grandkids. Long gone are the angry jabs at each other over a love gone awry.
\nI overcame the majority of the pain, anger, and resentment through fervent prayer and good therapy. Prayer was my tool. I prayed my family would be healed. I prayed the father of my child would find joy and happiness with the woman he chose. The more I prayed for HIM, the happier I became.
\nThat being said, the enemy loves to sneak in and tell me lies. He loves to remind me I’ve gained a few pounds and my ex-husband will notice. He loves to make me second guess myself and be self conscious of my body and my dress choice. He loves to whisper in my ear and tell me if I would have been a better wife, that great big estate my ex owns could have been mine.
\nLies. They are all lies. I could have been the best wife in the history of the universe and the marriage could have still fallen apart. I’m not taking 100% of that one. I’ll comfortably accept my 50%. If I even consider my weight as being something my ex would judge me for, I’m setting myself up for failure and disappointment.
\nHere’s the thing…if we look for something, we WILL find it. If I look for judgement, I’ll feel judged. If I look for criticism, I’ll feel criticized…even if it’s subconsciously. And, as soon as I feel those things, I’ll react defensively. That whole scenario is a totally no win situation. Nothing good can come from that.
\nRecently I read about a technique for recognizing the cycle of anxiety and stopping it in its tracks. The premise is, as soon as you feel the very first sensations of anxiety…even if it’s just the thought of feeling anxious…you pull back and become the observer. Recognize what is happening and say to yourself…”Hmmmm, that’s interesting. I’m having a feeling that stemmed from a thought. It is just a thought.” Then, you picture surrounding that thought in a bubble, reach out, and poke it with your finger.
\nPoof!
\nWhen you can recognize what anxiety really is, it’s much easier to step back, give it a poke, and send it on it’s way. It has been working quite well in the last few months. One would think, at the ripe age of 66 (in about three weeks), I’d have gotten a handle on anxiety long before now. Sometimes it’s the fear of having an anxiety attack that brings it on. It’s crazy…but it’s quite real.
\nThis wedding isn’t about me. His house isn’t about me. My weight isn’t even completely about me in that it was caused by taking steroids twice this year. I’m the only me I have. I am the only mom my kids have. The only Nana for my grands. I am my husband’s queen. He will think I am scrumptious no matter what I’m wearing or where I sit.
\nThis is such a relief…to let go of fear. The fear of rejection. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of doing or saying something wrong.
\nI am enough. I have always been enough.
\nDang…I love my sixties!
\n❤️
\n“But the moment one turns to the Lord with an open heart, the veil is lifted and they see. Now, the “Lord” I’m referring to is the Holy Spirit, and wherever he is Lord, there is freedom.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-05-28T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/28/praying-for-others.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Marriage","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/27/memorial-day.html", "title": "Memorial Day 2019", "content_html": "2 Corinthians 3:16-17 TPT
![\"George](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5e6568dcf0.jpg\")
“He was a soldier. He was a son.”
They called him Sonny. He was their bright ray of sunshine. Smart, sensitive, talented, destined to go far. When Grandma and Pop-Pop got the telegram that their Sonny was gone, part of them died in that moment as well. People said they were never the same. I wouldn’t know what they were like before. I was not yet two when Sonny’s plane went down.
\nSometimes I think I remember him. But then I realize it’s his pictures and the loving stories told about him that made my Uncle Sonny alive for me. I was told he loved me. He told my mom he wanted a picture of me on a bearskin rug in my “all-together”…in other words, a chubby baby with a hundred fat rolls, buns up on a blanket. This was back in the days when something like that could be done without thinking the person admiring the photo is a pedophile.
\nMom complied and I was told he kept that photo in the cockpit of the plane. But, mom told me a lot of things that turned out to be untrue. For instance, she said he was shot down by Russians. In 1955. Over Landstuhl Air Base in Germany. She said grandma was comforted when she received his personal effects and his wallet didn’t smell like smoke. She was comforted that her boy didn’t burn.
\nMany years later, when the internet was new and I was helping my mom with her beloved genealogy, I started digging into the crash that took Uncle Sonny’s life. I think the only thing I had to work with at the time was a dial up modem and CompuServe. After meticulously searching, I came up with an aviation archaeologist. He specialized in finding reports on old plane crashes. I believe I paid him $40 and a few weeks later, I received a thick packet in the mail.
\nThe archaeologist came up with the official Air Force report of the crash and in the process of reading it and asking questions, I got a lot of answers. First, he definitely was not shot down by the Russians. Secondly, pilots do not fly with personal effects, meaning…neither his wallet nor my picture accompanied him in the cockpit that fateful day. That was information I didn’t share with the rest of the family. I don’t remember if my Grandma was still living at this time or not. There’s just some things you don’t need to discuss after some sense of resolution has been met.
\nThere was information that I found disturbing. Sonny needed to log some flight hours. The only plane available that day was an old fighter jet that was on it’s way to become a static display. In other words, it was past its usefulness. In the three days leading up to the crash, four separate engines had been installed.
\nThe morning of the crash dawned gray and foggy. Uncle Sonny went through the usual preflight check. The ground crew walked around the plane and somehow, someone failed to notice the intake baffles were in the wrong position for the weather conditions. When he took off, he flew around the base a couple of times without incident. Then someone noticed a shift in the engine sound and looked up. The plane had slowed down considerably and was losing altitude.
\nNo one can know for certain what went on in the cockpit that day. The witness on the ground said he couldn’t understand why my uncle didn’t eject and let the plane go down. It wasn’t until the full investigation that it was determined the trajectory of the plane would have sent it into the barracks where countless airmen would still be preparing for their day. Instead, Uncle Sonny steered the plane toward an open potato field that had recently been plowed. I’m sure, with his farming experience, he knew that would be a fairly soft place to land.
\nAs he struggled to keep the engine going and the plane aloft, he noticed a gap between the trees surrounding the potato field. It was narrow, but if he tipped his right wing at the right moment, he could just squeak through. Unfortunately, the sudden dip in the right wing caused the engine to stall even further and the tip of the wing hit the ground. This caused the plane to cartwheel.
\nUncle Sonny was found still strapped in his ejector seat in an upright position…as though he were waiting for someone to come by and have a chat. His helmet was cracked from the impact and he died from blunt force trauma. And, even though his wallet wasn’t with him and neither was my bare butt photo…he didn’t burn. It was over quickly.
\nIn my opinion, my Uncle Sonny was a hero. I’m sure he saved countless lives that day. But there was no award, no medal, no call from a grateful President. Maybe that was best. Grandma was not one for making a fuss. “Fools names, like their faces, always seen in public places.” She was a private, unassuming woman with great dignity.
\nSonny was laid to rest on a hilltop cemetery fifteen or so miles from the farm. One by one, our loved ones joined him. First Pop-Pop, then Grandma, then my mom, then Uncle Bob. I go twice a year to see them and I always hang around him a little longer. I wish I could have known him. I am comforted knowing there was such a beautiful homecoming when the Lord came to take the others to join my Uncle Sonny and Jesus.
\nThis day is so much more than another day off, another reason for a party. This is the day when we honor the fallen…all who gave their lives in the line of duty. Not just military. We remember all who have gone before us and we decorate their graves. Thank you…for giving your all. My heart is with those who had to go on without you.
\n❤️
\n“For the greatest love of all is a love that sacrifices all. And this great love is demonstrated when a person sacrifices his life for his friends.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-05-27T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/27/memorial-day.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Grace","God","Fear","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/08/too-close-to-home.html", "title": "Too Close to Home", "content_html": "John 15:13 TPT
![\"School](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/57405224ec.jpg\")
“How many more children have to die before something is done about this?”
Another school shooting. Seven miles from Columbine. They recently observed the 20th anniversary of the school shooting that seemed to change everything. Copycat killers, looking for moments of notoriety, sprung up everywhere, it seems.
\nWhat is causing all this? I have my theories. Personally, I think things started taking a giant slide down a slippery slope when Dr. Spock said don’t spank your kids. I’m not for violence by any means, but my kids got a proper swat on their butts when they were out of line. And they are great adults.
\nKids aren’t given outlets for their anger anymore. I was talking with my son-in-law’s mom last night. Her mother was discussing this with her contemporaries in the assisted living center at supper. She said, in her day and age, there were bullies, and kids got in scraps, but you had a row and got it over with. Now, children are handled with kid gloves and they can’t fight back.
\nThey also get left with video games and the internet as their babysitters. You cannot tell me that violent video games don’t have an impact on children today. How can it not? You can’t sit for hours at a time, shooting and maiming “people” in this realistic scenarios and not be desensitized to the violence. It becomes the norm.
\nThis one hit close to home. While not in my daughter’s district, she teaches at a STEM school and my granddaughter is a student at that same school. (Not the one where the shooting occurred yesterday, thank God.) She used to work with many of the teachers at the school where the shooting occurred. The principal is my daughter’s sister-in-law’s best friend.
\nThis is getting too close.
\nThey’re ALL too close!
\nSomething has to be done. Our children go into a war zone every single day. Teachers and school staff, too. This is not the country we were raised in. It’s not the country my children were raised in either. I own guns. But my guns are locked up in a safe. I have a .22 hidden when I am at the farm in case I’m bothered by a two-legged varmint.
\nI pray. I pray a lot. But, something has to be done. Our children are killing and being killed. Prayers are wonderful…but we need more. I’m not writing this to invite debate. This is not the place for that. There are better places for that…like with our representatives. I’m just crying out as a Nana. A very, very concerned Nana.
\nAs an aside…I arrived at the campground without incident.
\nI pray for those families. The ones who got the call. And for the families of the shooters. how horrifying.
\n???
\n“For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother's righteous.\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-05-08T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/08/too-close-to-home.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","God","Anger","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/02/sick-tired.html", "title": "Sick \u0026 Tired", "content_html": "\n
We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.”
\n\n
1 John 3:11-12, 14-15 ESV
![\"Elephant](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7b69958f86.jpg\")
“Can’t we all just get along?”
Those of you who have been reading my blog for some time know that, even in my grief, I’m a pretty upbeat individual. Mr. Virgo used to call me Pollyanna because I always look on the sunny side of life. I objected saying there’s nothing wrong with looking for the light, even in the darkest situations…as long as you don’t stick your head in the sand. I think I keep a weather eye out for the realities of the world while still trying to look on the bright side.
\nI’ve gotta tell ya…and this is in NO WAY a political post…but, I’m just sick and tired of hearing all the ugliness these days. I keep looking for the God-spark in everyone and dang if it isn’t disheartening sometimes. I read something yesterday that punched me in the gut. Teachers can no longer teach kids the way we were taught. Because, the world we were raised for no longer exists. We didn’t have a TV till I was in school. Countries on the other side of the world were nothing but stories in the encyclopedia. We didn’t have indoor plumbing at my grandma’s house till I was in first grade. We went from that to landing a man on the moon by the time I was in high school. To think the computer onboard an Apollo spacecraft was far, far less sophisticated than a Blackberry…and they are archaic in the grand scheme of things.
\nBetween the Information Age, readily accessible electronics, and Joe Public’s thirst for all things that would have been cringeworthy a decade or two ago, we are bombarded with violence. When I grew up, coverage of the Vietnam War and shoot-em-up Westerns were about as violent and graphic as anything you would likely witness unless you saw a terrible accident. You can’t put smoke back in a bottle. Once you see this stuff, it’s in your brain…and in your heart.
\nMr. FixIt and I had to run to town yesterday to get the shower insert for the new bathroom. As I was gathering my things to leave, he asked me to watch a story from CBS Sunday Morning. It was about Sandy and Lonnie Phillips. Their daughter was one of the victims in the 2012 mass shooting in the movie theater in Aurora, CO. She was with a friend who was an EMS. He was shot twice and he did everything he could to save her, but he couldn’t.
\nAs I watched this story, my heart broke for all of them. I know grief. But I know nothing of the grief that comes with violence. Instead of climbing into the never ending hole of horror, they chose to help other victims of mass shootings. They’ve rented their house out, quit their jobs, sold everything they owned, and travel from place to place pulling a travel trailer….following the shootings. They started in Newtown, then went to Isla Vista, San Bernardino, Orlando, Las Vegas, Sutherland Springs, Parkland, Santa Fe, Pittsburg and Thousand Oaks. The equivalent of a soldier with PTSD running into firefight after firefight after bloody firefight with no end in sight.
\nIt brings them no joy. They still cry every day out of sadness and pain and it’s been seven years since their daughter was murdered. But they do find satisfaction in helping others who are coming up the same path behind them. They are able to hang onto each other and offer comfort to others while being bombarded by conspiracy theorists who verbally threaten and harass them. Their super power is compassion.
\nMy soul is tired. My brain is bruised. My heart is weary. “I can do hard things.” But…in reality, can I? Could I do what the Phillips’ are doing? Could I survive such horrors? I think I couldn’t, but I know God could. I know I had to rely on Him to carry me through Mr. Virgo’s death so I have no reason to believe He won’t carry me through everything that comes to me in this life.
\nI’m just so tired of all the anger, hatred, ugliness, violence, pain, depravity. I cling to the joy and hope I find in my faith. I pray for this world. I pray for wisdom. I pray for peace. I pray for strength to get through a time that numbs me. I don’t want to be numb. I want to always, always, always look for the light. Find the good. Encourage the downtrodden. Shine a light in the darkness. See, here’s the thing…there are a lot more good people on this earth than the media will lead you to believe.
\nLook for the light. Look for the helpers. Yes, I get weary…I just can’t quit.
\nSo, I press on. I go outside and put my bare feet on the earth to ground myself. I feel the wind on my face. I close my eyes and turn my face to the sun. I hug people…a lot. It’s the best gift I can give them because I can’t help but get a hug in return.
\nIf all of these things bother you, too…turn off the TV. Put down the newspaper. Go outside. Nature heals.
\n❤️
\n“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”” 1 Peter 3:9-12 NIV\n", "date_published": "2019-04-02T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/02/sick-tired.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/01/vibrant-women.html", "title": "Vibrant Women", "content_html": "
![\"Vibrant](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8ad16fc44e.jpg\")
“Vibrant Women…a women’s ministry.”
Something phenomenal happened Friday night and it has taken me this long to process it. Actually, I’m sure I’ll be processing it for some time to come. We have a husband-wife team leading our church. It has been wonderful to watch Pastor Heather growing into a strong leader for the women of our region. A little over three years ago, God planted a seed in her to lead a Women’s Ministry. She gathered her friends together, told them her ideas for this movement, and asked them to start feeding her possible names. When she heard “Vibrant Women”, she was moved. Vigorous. Energetic. Lively. Vital. All words that resonated with where she wanted to go with this movement….words that described women of strong faith.
\nThis was the third Vibrant Women event held at our church…the second I have attended. It’s come a long way since the beginning. I think there might have been two-hundred women at the first one. Friday night saw almost SEVEN HUNDRED women packed into our church. There wasn’t a seat in the house. The sound booth said at one point the decibel scale peaked out at the same level as a jet engine. It was crazy fun. The energy level in that room was amazing.
\nWe had a guest pastor…Pastor April Carter of the Together Church in Yakima, Washington. Pastor April spoke about Living Beyond Fear. Oh….she touched every single one of us. At the end of her message, she told a personal story. Someone who works in her church called her…panic stricken. Then he arrived home, his house was surrounded by police, fire, and ambulance crews. They would not let him in the house. The only thing he knew was, something happened that involved his son. Pastor April and Pastor Micahn headed to the hospital to meet them.
\nAs they sat there, waiting for word of what was going on, she absentmindedly fingered a necklace she was wearing that a friend gave her. It is engraved…”I Can Do Hard Things”. The time dragged slowly by. They prayed together. They held each other up. And, finally…the doctor came out. Their friends’ son had gotten his hands on a gun and somehow accidentally shot himself. And they could not save him. Pastor April closed her eyes and repeated to herself…
\n“I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I can do hard things.”
\nSince Mr. Virgo died, I haven’t been so good in medical emergencies. There have been times I haven’t been able to show up for people who need me to do hard things. Pastor April challenged us to put on our boxing gloves and get in the ring of life and fight. Listening to her, I felt empowered. I felt stronger. I felt like trying harder and being the best version of myself I can be. I mean, isn’t that what faith does for us?
\n“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Even the hard things.
\nWe were doubly blessed in that Pastor April delivered our message at church yesterday too so we got to hear her twice this weekend. I googled her name on YouTube last night and there was a message called “Hard Reset”. You should give it a listen if you are interested. She is very good.
\n❤️
\n“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-04-01T01:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/01/vibrant-women.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/28/expect-the-unexpected.html", "title": "Expect the Unexpected", "content_html": "Philippians 4:13 NIV
![\"Red](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f2dd7b69fa.jpg\")
“Unexpected things can be really, really good…or really, really bad. Anxiety can stem from the unexpected.”
My last small group gathering of the winter session is tonight. We’ve been studying Louie Giglio’s book…Goliath Must Fall. It is truly an amazing, insightful look into the giants we all face in life and how to get rid of them…once and for all. I hate to see this series end. I would like to do it all over again. At least I bought the book as well as the study guide, so I plan to read it again and again. I even have friends buying it and we can discuss it.
\nOur next season starts in April. We will be studying “Unexpected” by Christine Caine. The subtitle is “Leave Fear Behind, Move Forward in Faith, Embrace the Adventure”. Oooooooh, I love the sounds of that! I received the book and the study guide yesterday and it’s all I can do to keep from cracking it open already, but I want to keep my head in the game and finish what I started with Louie’s book first.
\nSeeing the title of the book yesterday did get my mind to thinking. Unexpected. That’s a double edged sword, isn’t it? I mean, we generally LOVE unexpected surprises…if they’re good. A baby is coming to a couple who thought they couldn’t get pregnant. An award is given for a job well done. A refund check comes when we were expecting to have to pay more. These are all the GOOD kinds of unexpected things we don’t mind hearing about.
\nWhat happens when the unexpected isn’t good? There is a miscarriage…a heart attack…an accident. Once that happens to you, you are hypersensitive. Hyper-vigilant. Over reactive. When my ex-husband found me after the overdose, it took years for him to be able to see me without having a rush of anxiety. Daughter #2 went through a very difficult period in her life when she would call me…frequently crying hysterically. I was going through my own issues dealing with grief. Her anxiety would set off my anxiety to the point when I saw her name on Caller ID, my heart would start pounding and my hands would sweat.
\nAnticipatory anxiety can come from having experienced the unexpected in a traumatic way. Mr. Virgo complained of shoulder pain two days before he died of a sudden heart attack. The other day, Mr. FixIt was complaining of his shoulder hurting and my heart started pounding and my hands started sweating. He looked at me and knew what was going through my mind. He knows me well. He immediately came to me, wrapped his arms around me and said, “It’s just my arthritis, honey. I’m fine…really.”
\nI don’t want to say “I can’t do that again.” Because, we do not know what the future holds and he deserves to have me right there beside him, supporting him, no matter what happens in life. So where do I put that misplaced anxiety? I ask God to take it.
\n“Lord, I need you to take this away from me. I know this is just a reaction caused by something that happened before. But it feels real and I need to focus on _____ right now, not anxiety.”
\nAnxiety is a giant that can control our lives. I learned in Louie’s book that Jesus already killed that giant. It’s dead and gone. I’m working on it. I’d love to say I read this book and did the study and watched the videos and now anxiety is a thing of my past. But I’ve been dealing with this since I was in second grade. That’s a whole boatload of years. Whether it is a medical condition or a conditioned response doesn’t matter…it feels real. I will say though, it’s much improved since studying Goliath Must Fall.
\nUnexpected things will always happen…good AND bad. I just have to remember to pray and hand it all over. ❤️
\n“But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-02-28T02:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/28/expect-the-unexpected.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Wisdom","Fear","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/23/i-have-a-voice.html", "title": "“I Have a Voice”", "content_html": "Psalms 56:3 NLT
![\"Woodcarving\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/566f4de725.jpg\")
“I Have a Voice” woodcarving by Evelyn Jimenez
I have met some of the nicest people through my blog. One is a widow named Evelyn. She became very ill after losing her husband and very nearly died herself. Evelyn is a woodcarver, which I find endlessly fascinating. I’ve tried my hand at carving but I haven’t had the right tools for the job. I really would love to try again sometime…in my SPARE time. sigh
\nA few weeks ago, I saw a little faceless woman she carved and titled, “I Have a Voice”. This little round woman struck my heart. I went for a very long time in my life without a voice. I felt like the faceless woman, being told I wasn’t good enough or I was stupid or I was too fat. When you hear these things over and over and over from someone who is supposed to love you, you soon come to believe them as true.
\nI wanted my own little faceless woman to remind me that I am no longer without a voice. I wanted to remember that time when I was without a face so that I might recognize other faceless women. Instead of making me sad when I see her dejected little hands stuffed in her pockets, I smile because she might just be hiding cupcakes in there.
\nAnd…I know. I know she has a voice in there. I know because I had a voice inside…even when it was stifled. We can always say “I wish I would have known then what I know now.” For me it’s more like “I wish I would have known then WHO I know now.” I think if I’d known then how much God loved me, I would have loved myself more. And, if I’d loved myself more, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be treated so poorly…even as a young child. Hindsight is 20/20. The best thing I can do now is mentor young women and make sure they know they are precious and loved and deserving. ❤️
\n“The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy. The glory of Lebanon will be given to it, the splendor of Carmel and Sharon; they will see the glory of the Lord, the splendor of our God.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-02-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/23/i-have-a-voice.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/10/saved-again.html", "title": "Saved Again", "content_html": "Isaiah 35:1-2 NIV
![\"Grace](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/98c0b1315b.jpg\")
“Knowing who saves me over and over brings me peace beyond understanding.”
I finished my laundry and packed up the car. I had a last minute conversation with a wonderful woman I met recently. Then I headed home from the farm right about dusk. This photo looks like it was pretty light out, but it was dark, dark, dark when I headed into the home stretch on the two-lane country road. It was so dark, you were right on top of deer before you saw them, even with the brights on. Something ahead of me caught my eye. Not three seconds ahead of me, a big tree fell and crossed both lanes. Fortunately, I was going slow and didn’t need to slam on my brakes. I am well aware I missed this falling on me by the skin of my teeth.
\nI happened to be on the phone with Mr. FixIt when I saw the tree fall. There was no one else on the road. He reminded me to put on my emergency flashers. I sat there for a few minutes as we discussed my course of action. I could wait there for someone to come along and either pull the tree off the road or cut it up and haul it off. Or, I could turn around and go back where I came from. There were two routes available to me. One took me through a long area with no cell service. The other took me across a road that had a number of mudslides this week. Ultimately it would take me clear into town and then I’d have to take the interstate south and back out another two-lane. A long, long drive in the dark and still there were areas with no cell service. I decided the shortest route would be best and I headed back toward the farm, but…when I got there, I had already dodged umpteen deer and for the first time in a long, long time, I was worried about driving in the dark, alone.
\nWhen I got to the farm, I called Mr. FixIt and told him I planned to stay another night and I would be home in plenty of time to go to church. He agreed that was a good plan. That’s when I confessed I was actually worried about driving out here in the dark and I couldn’t understand why. I mean…nothing scares me. Three years ago, I wouldn’t have given this a second thought and would have looked at it as an adventure. But now? Now is different. Now it’s not just me. Now I’m not so foggy, not so careless with my existence. Now there are not only my children and friends who love me. Now there is a man and a bonus family that look to me with love and acceptance. It’s not that my life had no value, but even three years ago, the depth of my grief made it difficult to appreciate the time I had ahead of me…the family I already had that were still here and needed me. I have been awakened in the last two years. Awakened and earnestly appreciative of every precious moment I am given on this side of the grass.
\nMoments after my call to Mr. FixIt, a friend sent me a message that Rt. 5, the alternate route I was preparing to travel, was now closed with a large downed tree. It would be quite some time before that road was cleared. Heavy equipment was being brought in to move the tree off the phone lines. So, it seems my guardian angel was quite busy last evening keeping me from harm. I thanked God all the way to the farm for always caring for me and for the protection he afforded me last night.
\nAnd…over the last three days, I have written six chapters and 10,831 words on my book. I’ve written this book three times, at least. And every time before, it was a struggle. I’d read it and re-read it till I was sick of it and it never really spoke to me. It always seemed to me to come out flat…like I just wasn’t reaching the sweet spot where the story flowed. I’d put it away for months at a time, pick it up, and find the same problems. It wasn’t working. I have finally figured out why.
\nI was approached nearly three years ago by a literary agent who was interested in my writing. We signed a contract for a book. I remember when we were getting acquainted, I told her my writing was faith-based and she suggested perhaps I should use a Christian publisher. She didn’t have those connections. I thought about it for a few moments and said no, it might be good if the book was out in the general populous because it could reach many who perhaps struggle with faith. We moved forward with the contract. In the following three years, two things became apparent to me. One, my social media presence hasn’t grown as fast as I had hoped and two, my faith has deepened and now I know I want a Christian publisher. I think God waited for me to decide to include him in the book before he made it clear which direction to go. And before he opened the floodgates of words.
\nI have struggled for over a year with the decision to part ways from my agent. That dark voice kept whispering, “A bird in the hand, you know.” I finally stopped listening to that voice and paid attention to my gut…my inner God-voice…and send her an e-mail last week expressing my desire to change directions and head for a Christian publisher. She totally understood and felt that was the direction I should go and wished me well. So, now I have no agent, but I have the freedom of knowing I did the right thing and the trust that God will get this book out of me and onto paper.
\nThis time, writing is different. The words are literally falling out of me. I’m typing as fast as I can. Nearly 11,000 words in three days is phenomenal! The biggest difference I notice is, this time it’s not slaying me to write it. I feel the healing of the past three years and I know this is the right time. I’m really excited about that! ❤️
\n“‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-02-10T02:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/10/saved-again.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/02/its-something-in-the-blood.html", "title": "It’s Something in the Blood", "content_html": "Jeremiah 33:3 NIV
![\"Meme\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/66882bf2b2.jpg\")
“The advent of home DNA tests can open a can of worms for the unsuspecting.”
“Dirty little secrets, dirty little lies…” Don Henley / Danny Kortchmar
\nA few years ago, I bought a DNA kit through Ancestry.com. I picked up my mom’s passion for genealogy research where she left off when she died in 2004. Even though Ancestry was founded in 1983, it would be many years before the company went beyond connecting the dots between people and helping us fill in the blanks in family trees. When the DNA kit became available, it was fairly revolutionary. Here, you could go beyond the little green leaves and find out where you came from…geographically speaking.
\nI dutifully spit in the little test tube. I did what 95% of people do when they set off on such a venture…I basically ignored the small print. Things like saving my little genes in memory banks, selling my genetic information to third parties, and linking me with relatives I have never heard of never crossed my mind. I didn’t feel like I was registering with the government or Big Brother. I just wanted to know if I had any Native American ancestry like I’d always heard I had. It’s minuscule.
\nWhen I received my report, I wasn’t surprised by anything except some distant relative from Norway. Other than that, it was Scots/English/German…exactly as I expected. Then, Ancestry started sending e-mails saying they linked me to others who have done the test. It might be a 3rd cousin, 6th cousin…nothing close. I looked at the first couple. Other things soon captured my interest and in my typical Gemini fashion, I was off chasing butterflies in another field.
\nI recently read stories in the news about do-it-yourself DNA testing turning up surprises. Some that tear families apart. What would you do if you found siblings you’d never heard of? Or, if you found the siblings you were raised with were only half-siblings, indicating one or the other of your parents had an affair? Or, what if you were an anonymous sperm donor and suddenly you have 64 “children” out there?
\nThe idea of anonymity in such things is seriously long gone with the advent of a $50 DNA test kit. Something that once required blood tests and a geneticist now is available on the shelves of any chain pharmacy. People are receiving troubling information with very little counseling to go along with it. There are now tests that can help predict your chances of developing such diseases as cancer and Alzheimer’s. How far of a jump is it for insurance companies to get that information and turn you down for coverage or refuse life insurance benefits if you die of a disease that has been documented as predictable?
\nIt is estimated that by the year 2021, 100,000,000 people will have had their DNA tested by Ancestry alone. There are several other companies doing DNA tests of one sort or another. That’s a lot of data out there. I’d like to think it isn’t going to be used nefariously, but we have no guarantees of that. I know people who refuse to do the tests. I can’t say that I really regret having mine tested. And, I really would like to know if I have a proclivity to succumb to certain diseases so that I can a) prepare myself and my family and b) practice preventative health measures.
\nI think I am beginning to understand what my grandma might have gone through with the space program and computers and cell phones. Things are happening now that we couldn’t have even dreamed up when we were kids. I mean…it’s beyond Dick Tracy and Get Smart. This is really crazy stuff and, I have to admit…it fascinates the dickens out of me. ❤️
\n“The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-02-02T02:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/02/its-something-in-the-blood.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","New Ideas","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/25/thoughts-on-conflict-fear.html", "title": "Thoughts on Conflict \u0026 Fear", "content_html": "Proverbs 12:22 NIV
![\"Proverbs](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8661a28774.jpg\")
“Look for the gold in people. There’s enough dirt in the world.”
The other day, we touched on conflicts and how to resolve them peacefully. We all have seen our fair share of conflict in our lives and had dealt with it in the best way we knew how with the knowledge we had at the time. Sometimes it’s worked out ok…sometimes not. The good thing is, we can always continue to learn and grow and get better at the sticking points in life.
\nWhen you are dealing with marriage, here is the single most important thing I have learned. When you find yourself frustrated with your spouse…and you WILL at some point…mind your tongue when you are talking about him with others. If all you do is spout negative things, it won’t be long till that is all you will ever see in him/her. It doesn’t take long to go from speaking these things to outsiders to berating your spouse with all the things they do that tick you off. I can guarantee you…if you feed that beast, it’s all you’ll get back.
\nI learned with Mr. Virgo…once I started to notice something he did that bugged me, that was a sign I wasn’t praying for him enough. Same for Mr. FixIt. We all need grace. It’s a wonderful habit to practice with your spouse or other family members.
\nI had Bible study last night. We talked a little bit after last week’s study about the book “Goliath Must Fall” by Louie Giglio. Last night’s “giant” was FEAR. The first question we were asked was…”How well do you sleep?” Wow. Sometimes really well. Those are the times when things are going well and I really don’t have much to worry about. Other times, I lie awake all night long, staring at the ceiling, working something over and over, turning it this way and that, puzzling over how to…what? Fix it. Manipulate it. Control it. I rehearse conversations ahead of time with not only my dialogue, but that of the other’s as well. As if I have some sort of control over how another person thinks, acts, or responds.
\nSometimes I lie there and worry about an event that isn’t going to happen for eight months. “Will I have the extra weight off before the wedding? What will I wear? What happens if it’s really hot. I don’t do well in heat.” All I have accomplished in that scenario is set myself up for failure and robbed myself of sleep and God’s joy.
\nLast night’s lesson was this…when you lay down to sleep and the things to worry about start lining up…just hand them over to God and go to sleep. He loves you no matter what. He’s bigger than all of the giants. Trust him to work on your problems while you’re asleep. Then you awaken refreshed and can live in God’s Glory.
\nThere is a fine line between anger and fear. Giving your conflicts to God, praying for others, letting go of your fears…all elements that can help lead to a peaceful night’s sleep. ❤️
\n“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-01-25T02:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/25/thoughts-on-conflict-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","Love","Peace","Wisdom","Anger","Fear","Forgiveness","Warning","Choices","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/22/action-v-reaction.html", "title": "Action v. Reaction", "content_html": "Ephesians 4:31-32 ESV
![\"MLK\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1beb3f1755.jpg\")
“The Reverend Doctor Martin Luther King, Jr.”
Growing up in the chaos of alcoholic dysfunction made me a reactionary from an early age. There was a lot of anger in my home growing up. Lots of fighting, yelling, slamming, throwing, crashing. I never witnessed my father hitting my mother. He only hit me once. When he did, he came at me from behind and I stood up to him. I stuck my chin out and told him, if he was going to hit me he’d better hit me like a man and do it face to face. I’ll never forget the utter look of defeat on his face in that moment. He dropped his fist to his side, went over to the steps, sat down, and cried. He never went after me again. But, the damage was done. It was done long before that day.
\nI learned to be the peacemaker. To smooth things over. To mediate when things got out of hand. I was the bystander. I acted. Unfortunately, when the anger was directed at me, I reacted. I automatically went into defense mode. I made excuses. I deflected. I diverted attention. I manipulated. It was decidedly unhealthy and took far too many years to come to a head.
\nThe first pivotal moment of my life…that moment when there is a definite line in the sand that separates “all things before” from “all things after” was the overdose. That was when I really did the work necessary to effect permanent change in my life. It’s when I learned about codependency. Before that, there was no clear boundary to define where others ended and I began. I was too busy weaving a web that would hold everything together.
\nLearning about boundaries was a love-hate exercise. I loved finding my voice and standing up for myself. I hated confrontation. I loved the release healthy boundaries gave me because I didn’t have to try to run everyone else’s lives for them. I hated feeling like a fish out of water.
\nIt took a lot of practice. It still does. I still have to remind myself occasionally that I don’t do anyone any favors by not setting boundaries and demand they are respected. I didn’t spend seven hard years in therapy for nothing. Fortunately, Mr. Virgo came into the picture after I had these skills in place and he offered an excellent practice field.
\nAfter sixty-five trips around the sun, I’ve learned enough to know it’s a whole lot easier to carry love than it is anger, hate, discord, dysfunction, or codependency. When I approach any situation from a place of love, my walk becomes more Christ-like. And anytime I lead with “What would Jesus do?”, I am already winning. Conflict is inevitable in life. The only control we have is in how we react to it. ❤️
\n“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-01-22T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/22/action-v-reaction.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Peace","Wisdom","Anger","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/06/the-pivoting-point.html", "title": "The Pivoting Point", "content_html": "Galatians 1:10 ESV
![\"Snow](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ec45847fd7.jpg\")
\nThis is the day that I refer to as my re-birthday. It was the day I hit rock bottom and had to start navigating my way back up. It wasn’t like I really wanted to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. Everything had become so painful.
\nI used to tell the details of this day over and over and over to anyone who would sit still. I told about my relationship to a man who wasn’t taking care of me the way I needed. He’s not a bad man at all. Years of illness and my altered personality from all those drugs had taken their toll on both of us. I told about the psychiatrist who misdiagnosed me as having a chemical imbalance in my brain. I told about how my life experiences, including episodes of childhood sexual abuse, had created the perfect storm that produced that fateful day.
\nIt’s nineteen years now. So close to two decades. Not quite one third of my life has passed. SO much has happened in those nineteen years, including burying my next husband. I am a sum of my experiences, as we all are. But, I am not DEFINED by those experiences anymore.
\nThe person I am today doesn’t resemble who I was back then. The only cells that are the same ones now that were present on that night at the turn of the millennium are neurons…the very cells I was trying to shut off. Everything else has been made new…both physically with the passage of time, and spiritually with my salvation.
\nThe value of the story has changed. I no longer want you to take sides with me and hate my ex-husband. I no longer want to make excuses for my behaviors. I no longer want you to feel sorry for me. These things were all present for some time in the retelling. Now, the value of the story isn’t so much the yardstick that measures how far I’ve come, but more a testimony that…no matter how far you’ve gone down the wrong path…you can turn around and have a better life.
\nWhile my abuse came from prescriptions, and Danielle’s (see my post about her earlier this week) came from street drugs and a needle, we are no different. We were both addicted and we were both saved by the same Grace. We were both snatched from the jaws of death by a loving and forgiving God. He didn’t cause our problems, but he did allow us to walk through them so we could learn and grow into the purpose He designed for our lives.
\nIt’s hard for me to believe that was me…that I was that far gone. I will tell you this, though…I will forever tell how Jesus picked me up and carried me when I stumbled and fell on January 6, 2000. ❤️
\n“so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”\n\n", "date_published": "2019-01-06T02:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/06/the-pivoting-point.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/05/thwarting-a-spiritual-attack.html", "title": "Thwarting a Spiritual Attack", "content_html": "Isaiah 55:11 NIV
![\"Psalm](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4f4b01e30d.jpg\")
“Man says…show me and I’ll trust you. God says…trust me and I’ll show you.” Psalm 126:6
So, I was minding my own business, tucked under my blanket, happily knitting when I got a text . My dear friends Janine and Gail and I have a chat room where we visit just about every day. Janine was traveling through and was stopping at Gail’s to spend the night. I was three hours away but I wasn’t going to miss out on seeing my good friends. Impromptu road trip!
\nI got here just after dark. Janine had her friend Diane with her and I was thrilled to meet her. Another friend, Jan, came to join us and we just had a grand time. Diane is a devout Christian and is a PR person. Jan is a retired pastor. You can imagine our entire evening was talking about our stories and how God has worked in our lives.
\nI was standing in the kitchen giving Diane my testimony about finding Jesus when I started feeling ill. It worsened over the hour and I headed upstairs with a bucket, just in case. Everyone had gone to bed so when I came to Janine’s door I tapped.
\n“Janine?”
\n“Yes, dear.” She opened the door wide. Her smile quickly faded when she saw me. “Ginny? What’s wrong?” She came into the hall and touched my arm.
\n“Janine, I’m being spiritually attacked!” I knew it as sure as I knew my own name. I was suddenly, violently ill.
\nI spent the prior twenty-four hours pretty immersed in Jesus. I watched War Room…a powerful movie about spiritual warfare. Then I came to Gail’s and spent a whole evening talking about very powerful, spiritual things. There were five very strong women engaged in animated spiritual conversation.
\nJanine and Diane came into the room and laid hands on me and prayed fervently. Within a half hour, I felt much better.
\nIf you don’t believe in such a thing as spiritual warfare, I am here to tell you it’s a very real thing. The enemy does not like when powerful, spiritual women start professing faith like we were. But his power is in whispering lies and making you believe things that are not real. We sent him packing. A whole army of angels surrounded me and kicked his butt! We can just rejoice in that for a while, ok? I believe! ❤️
\n“Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.””\n\n \n", "date_published": "2019-01-05T02:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/05/thwarting-a-spiritual-attack.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Girl Campers","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/13/depression-not-everyone-is-merry.html", "title": "Depression: Not Everyone is Merry and Bright", "content_html": "Matthew 16:23 NIV
![\"Decorations\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/c538091599.jpg\")
“Not Everyone is Merry and Bright at the Holidays.”
Do you remember back at Thanksgiving when I told you I ran across a distressing Tweet from someone talking about suicide? I ended up getting busy that day and didn’t get a chance to look back for the Tweet until the next day. I was so afraid I wouldn’t find it, but I did. I felt compelled to respond…another nudge from the Holy Spirit to go where I’m needed. I reached out and heard back. I know very little about this person. I don’t know age…male or female…nothing. I’m very careful to encourage seeking professional care, which is being done. It feels as though the crisis of three weeks ago has eased a bit and now we are communicating. The last message was…
\n“Why are you doing this? I’m not used to a stranger extending so much kindness and praying for me.”
\nI’m not telling you this to draw attention in a “look what I did” kind of way. What I’m trying to demonstrate is what Pastor Justin preached on last Sunday.
\nLOVE>HATE
\nLove is greater than hate. The Bible instructs us in this. If my brother weeps, I should weep with him. We are instructed to sit with them. In Ezekiel 3, Ezekiel has started having visions of God and God is instructing him to go down to the exiles in Tel Aviv and “sit where they sit”. In other words, spend time with them in their circumstances so that he might better understand where they are coming from.
\nWhen my Twitter friend asked why I am being so kind and praying, my answer was direct and honest.
\n“Because, I was in a dark place one time. I OD’d and almost died. I saw the damage it did to my family. No one really heard my pain till I finally got a good therapist after the OD. I am now an encourager. It is my mission in life to lift up others and pray for them.”
\nNot everyone is having a Hallmark Holiday. When you come across someone who is hurting, sit where they sit for a while. Offer what you can. Pray with them. Be quiet with them. You never know when you might be the person to tie the knot in the end of another person’s rope so they can keep from slipping off. ❤️
\n“Then I came to them of the captivity at Tel–abib, that dwelt by the river of Chebar, and I sat where they sat, and remained there astonished among them seven days.”\n\n \n", "date_published": "2018-12-13T02:30:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/13/depression-not-everyone-is-merry.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/26/a-voice-from-the-darkness.html", "title": "A Voice From the Darkness", "content_html": "Ezekiel 3:15 KJV
![\"Depression\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f4283b783c.jpg\")
“Depression keeps you isolated from those who might help you.”
In between cooking and visiting with my family at our Thanksgiving dinner Saturday, I checked my Twitter account. Someone was asking a question about assisted suicide. I have a contact on Twitter whose husband elected assisted death when his Stage 4 colon cancer became untreatable. In order to connect the two, i had to pop out of his tweet to find her profile. But when I tried to find the original tweet with the question, I couldn’t find it. Rather than take the time to scroll through, I typed “assisted suicide” in the search bar.
\nApparently, there was a program on about it on TV because it was a trending topic of conversation. I started scrolling down through till I came upon a cry for help that alarmed me. Someone with no followers tweeted “How can I find someone to assist with my suicide?” I clicked on the profile and scrolled down reading tweet after tweet over the past day saying things like “I want to die.” I couldn’t get it out of my mind but I fell asleep before I could find it again.
\nToday after church, I went on the hunt for this person and clicked follow. Then I tweeted, “Are you ok?” Finally I got a response. “I’m still alive but I don’t want to be.” I went on to explain how I understood this. I went through a terrible depression and overdosed nearly 19 years ago. I asked how I could help. The response was, “How can you help? I’m on medicine but it’s not working.” I asked, “Do you have someone to talk to?” The answer, “Not really.” I explained that if the medicine wasn’t working, a counselor or therapist could help as well as the physician who prescribed it.
\nBefore I could hear back, I did two things. I Googled “What do you do if someone on Twitter threatens suicide?” I received a link to the help section of Twitter with a form to report an account if you suspect someone is talking about harming themselves. I filled out the form, hoping and praying that someone other than only me would reach out and this person could get help. After the form was submitted, there was a list of resources in multiple countries for suicide hotlines. I took screenshots and tweeted them to the person. I tweeted, “I hope you believe me when I say you matter. There is only one you. God puts us here for a purpose. Don’t leave before you find out what that is. There is always, always hope. I care.” The response was, “Thank you very much.”
\nI haven’t heard anything else. I haven’t seen any more tweets but I will keep my eye out and watch the profile. This is a difficult time of year for some people. Not everyone has love and light and abundant happiness over the holidays. I don’t know this person’s circumstances. I don’t know gender, age, location. I know nothing except this is a hurting soul and I will do what I can to help and give some hope. Please pray for this person that he/she/they find the help needed. ❤️
\n“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10 NIV\n\nNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline '1-800-273-TALK (8255)'\n", "date_published": "2018-11-26T02:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/26/a-voice-from-the-darkness.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","God","Fear","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/14/introducingmr-mrs-fixit.html", "title": "Introducing....Mr. \u0026 Mrs. FixIt", "content_html": "
![\"Wedding](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fb145fb757.jpg\")
“Introducing Mr. and Mrs. FixIt!”
Oh my, what a perfect day!!! I prayed it wouldn’t be too hot. It didn’t break 50 degrees even though the last two weeks have been in the high eighties. I prayed there wouldn’t be bugs. It was cool to the point of being downright brisk so…no bugs!!! I prayed the pulled pork would be moist. It was succulent and juicy. There was a small hiccup with the music but just when I decided to walk in unaccompanied, it kicked in. It didn’t rain…or snow. My hair cooperated. It truly was a perfect day!
\nWhen I asked Mr. FixIt what his favorite part of the wedding was, he said “When I saw you walking toward me.” I know this is true because when I got up to him he just looked and me and said, “Whoa!” Everyone laughed and I knew…this was as close to the perfect moment we may ever get when we are on this earth. And now, as I’m writing this, I realize how exhausted I am. I have a kitchen full of things needing cleaned. But, I have really great cake and pulled pork leftovers.
\nReally. Perfect. Day. ❤️
\n“Even more than all this, clothe yourself in love. Love is what holds you all together in perfect unity.”
\nColossians 3:14 NCV
\n", "date_published": "2018-10-14T01:30:41-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/14/introducingmr-mrs-fixit.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Peaceful Moments","Downsizing","Change","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/02/im-a-risktaking-storyteller.html", "title": "I’m a Risk-taking Storyteller", "content_html": "![\"Inspired](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b894b6b5cb.jpg\")
“I am willing to risk being wrong.”
“He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good. Light is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to see the sun. So if a person lives many years, let him rejoice in them all; but let him remember that the days of darkness will be many. All that comes is vanity.” \n\nLet’s face it…I’m a risk-taker. I wasn’t always. I stood at the edge of many a precipice, leaning forward just enough to deem the venture far too scary to attempt. And, being a perfectionist compounded the issue with my “If I can’t overachieve, I will not try” personality. This has kept me from experiencing many incredible moments that, at the very least would have been entertaining, and more than likely would have changed my life. But, change wasn’t something I was interested in. \nEcclesiastes 11:4-8 ESV
I remember when my 20-year marriage was falling apart. I had been in therapy for depression stemming from a past filled with abuse, both to me and by me. Sexual abuse. Emotional abuse. Alcohol abuse. Prescription abuse. When my ex-husband was at the end of his rope, he had some therapy of his own to gain the tools he needed to take care of himself. He was changing right in front of me and it scared me more than anything else had. Because I knew where this was headed. My long-standing abandonment issues assured me I would be alone and destitute and living on the streets. Of course, that never happened, but I distinctly remember him saying something to me and asking him just how much he was going to change because I didn’t like it. I can look back on that moment now and realize he was actually saving my life, but at the time, I was horrified.
\nWhen I found myself dangling by the end of my own rope, I was forced to change or die. I’d love to say it was an easy choice and I moved right on by the huge crevasse that had opened in my life, but that was not the case. I overdosed and came as close to death as I care to go at this point in my life. And that was, as they say, the bottom of the barrel.
\nI wasn’t a Christian yet, but I saw a tunnel before me of the most beautiful shade of cobalt blue surrounded with rays of gold…like a giant eclipse of the sun. While I was in this tunnel, my dead grandma came to me and stood by my side. She sternly told me, “Get back down there, young lady! You have work to do!” It took me five years and the death of my mother and the prayers of some really great people to find Jesus and my life changed in an instant. Not that my circumstances were ideal and I didn’t still struggle. I did. But I felt every cell in my body come alive and become new. It was…THE change. The really BIG change.
\nMy fear level plummeted. I became a risk taker. After two failed marriages, Mr. Virgo came into my life and I plunged off the cliff of a third marriage holding hands with a wonderful man. We enjoyed seven years of this bliss before he died suddenly as we were planning our golden years. Grief chiseled me into who I am today. Stronger, to be sure. Softer, more empathetic. Grief became my story…and I’m an avid storyteller.
\nNow, here I am…about to jump off the cliff again. My fourth marriage. I swear, it’s my LAST marriage. Daughter #1 has taken to calling me “Liz”. Someone asked me the other day if I was scared. My answer was, “Heck no! I’m marrying my very best friend whom I’ve known for fifty years. Bring it on!” I realized a couple of days later what she meant….
\nWas I scared of losing Mr. FixIt like I lost Mr. Virgo?
\nI pondered. This is why no one likes to talk about death and grief. It hits too darned close to home. Am I worried that Mr. FixIt will drop dead in front of me? I’d be lying if I said no. Am I willing to risk going through loss and grief again so that I can experience the love of another wonderful man? Absolutely! And you know why I say that? Because, I’m a risk-taker now. Ever since I laid everything on the line for Jesus, I’ve been firmly in the camp of “I’m willing to risk being wrong.” It took me 14 months of being engaged to Mr. FixIt to prepare for this marriage. It took standing up and adding the caveat of living separately for the month before the wedding as a sacrifice and atonement for living together before we were married. And it took the assurance of a loving God that He will always and forever have my back in all things I do. I will not be afraid.
\nThey say God will catch you and teach to you fly. I am sure there will be many flying lessons ahead, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take and a story I’m willing to tell. ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-10-02T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/02/im-a-risktaking-storyteller.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Starting Over","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/27/my-phone-is-alive.html", "title": "My Phone is Alive", "content_html": "
![\"Do](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/af32625af8.jpg\")
“My iPhone is learning!”
“The time is coming when everything that is covered up will be revealed, and all that is secret will be made known to all. Whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be shouted from the housetops for all to hear!” Luke 12:2-3 NLT\nMy iPhone scares me. It’s learning stuff. I have it set to “Do Not Disturb” so I won’t be tempted to read an incoming text while I’m driving. I programmed a whole contact list into my phone once while driving to Utah. Granted, there wasn’t any traffic and nothing to see on that desolate stretch of highway, but that was just plain stupid. I’ve learned a lot since then. But, then again...so has my phone!\n
Along with the “Do Not Disturb” message comes an estimated time of arrival at my destination. And how does my phone know where I am, you ask? I wondered the same thing, so I did some searching.
\nFirst of all, the “Do Not Disturb” message is triggered by the phone connecting to the Bluetooth in your vehicle. I thought it was totally psychic, so I was a little disappointed when I discovered this little tidbit. Then, if you have your map set to connect to your GPS, your phone will estimate how long it will take you to get to the place you go to most often. In my case, home. Then, yesterday…it changed.
\nMr. FixIt and I have a routine. We have a leisurely Sunday morning. Then we go to the noon service at our church. After church, we head to Shoney’s for breakfast. My phone usually tells me how long it will take me to get home and what the traffic is like on the way. Yesterday…it switched. It told me how long it would take me to Shoney’s. It’s learning. It knows where I’m going.
\nHow many times have you gotten on Facebook or Google and suddenly…miraculously…a topic you’ve been wanting to research shows up. In an ad. In a search. In a “recommended” button. It’s creepy. But it’s easily explained.
\nWhen you download an app, there is a Terms Agreement you have to accept in order to install it on your phone. Sometimes that thing is over five pages of tiny typeface that is impossible to read, even if you wanted to…which, who does, right? You tap “accept”, download the app, and you’re in business. The problem is, you have no idea what you gave the app permission to do. One of the most common things tucked in that app is “permission to access the microphone”. That means, at anytime, for any reason, the company that developed or owns the app can access you microphone and listen in to your conversations. Over dinner. At work. While you are….ahem…otherwise engaged. Wink, wink. Let’s say you’ve given an app permission to access your microphone and you have a conversation with your best friend about a party that’s coming up and you need a fancy dress. Lo and behold, the next time you go on Facebook or Google or Amazon, up pops ads and suggestions for fancy party dresses.
\nOk, maybe it can make life easier. But what’s it going to save you? A few seconds…a minute, at the most? I don’t need my life to be simplified in that way. I don’t want the intrusion into my personal life. I have changed my mind about many apps I’ve downloaded. I’ve denied permission and hit delete more than once. We’ve gone way past “1984” here. I don’t want my iPhone (or any other electronic device) learning any more about me than I am will to share with it over coffee. ❤️
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-08-27T01:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/27/my-phone-is-alive.html", "tags": ["Fear","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/22/another-layer-of-the-onion.html", "title": "Another Layer of the Onion", "content_html": "
![\"Sunset\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/752dbd4a48.jpg\")
“Sunset over the Ponderosa.”
“The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion.” Psalm 11:5 NIV\nOne would think, after nearly five-and-a-half years as a widow, I wouldn’t still be gaining insights into the nature of grief. After all, I’ve written nearly 2,000 daily essays...many dealing with the subjects of death and dying. I’ve passed many milestones. I’ve fallen in love again. Yet, it never ceases to amaze me when I get to peel back another layer and learn something about myself through the lens of loss.\n
Before Mr. Virgo died, I never really thought about death…not on the daily anyway. I had certainly dealt with loss. My beloved grandma, my wonderful mom, and even my estranged father. Still, those losses didn’t put death in my sights. Since his death, however, the prospect of losing someone so close to me again has caused me a great deal of anxiety and a fair amount of fear. Early on, there were so many times when I felt I was just one crisis from losing it completely and my prayer was always, “Lord, please keep everyone safe. I can’t lose another one. I don’t have it in me.” I remember telling people I loved to be extra careful. Don’t get hurt. What I was really saying was, “Please, don’t die.”
\nAs I’ve told you often, I don’t watch TV…I catch my news online so I can pick and choose what I watch. I have noticed changes in the last six months or so. I can concentrate enough to read a book now. I can knit again. I can even go to the movies…something I’d only done once since Mr. Virgo died. Mr. FixIt and I went last week and it was wonderful. Things are changing. Things are healing. And, while I don’t make a regular diet of the news, I have watched the news on occasion lately.
\nIt’s culture shock. After not watching TV for years, watching it is…visceral. Politics. Severe weather. Fires. Crime. It’s been a difficult summer in the world. Last week I was transfixed by the case of Chris Watts. While the facts of the case are abhorrent, my interest was from a psychological standpoint. I saw his interviews with the press. I watched his body language. I knew he was lying. And, I knew he was going to blame his wife for killing the girls and then he was going to say it was a crime of passion. It was like the script was written all over his face. Then, yesterday, they found the body of Mollie Tibbetts after a high profile search. Another layer of the onion of grief was pulled back to reveal a deep fear.
\nBeing a grandmother, one cannot watch stories such as these without thinking of your grandchildren. I realized I had watched too much…dived too deep… when I spent the night clutching my pillow to my chest and begging God to protect my people. I felt riddled with anxiety. My granddaughters are adolescents…attractive, smart, gregarious. I want them to be invisible. I want them to walk around with a force field. I want them to stay in their rooms till they are forty. But, of course I don’t really. I want them to live their lives. I want them to be joyful. I want them to learn and have adventures and be strong women. I just want them to be safe.
\nI will back away from the television now. It causes me dis-ease. I cannot control the world. I can’t keep bad things from happening. I can’t hover over my children and grandchildren. But I can send out as much love and light into the world as I can. And I can encourage others to do the same. I can dish out heaping helpings of encouragement and positivity. With enough prayer and love and light, maybe we will see the change we so desperately hope for…we so desperately need. Walking strong in my faith, knowing who is really in control, soothes me. ?
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-08-22T01:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/22/another-layer-of-the-onion.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Wisdom","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/17/mile-tuneuporhow-emdr-saves-my.html", "title": "50,000 Mile Tune-Up...or...How EMDR Saves My Brain", "content_html": "
![\"EMDR](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6e179e82e7.jpg\")
“EMDR reprograms your brain.”
“Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth.”\nJeremiah 33:6 KJV\nA little over five years ago, I sat on a stool in the corner of an emergency room and watched them do CPR on my husband. It went on FOR-EV-ER. Stop. Start. Shock. X-Ray. Start. Stop. Check. Shock. Over and over and over. I sat with my hand clasped over my mouth to keep from screaming. I wrapped my feet intricately around and through the legs of the stool to keep from jumping up and running away. My shoulders slumped...my free hand dug into my thigh so I could feel something other than horror. And all of that...all of the valiant efforts, all of the shouts for more drugs, all of the hustle and bustle and orchestrated chaos could not save him. He died in spite of the best efforts of the Western Slope’s best and brightest. He died. And I could do nothing to stop it.\n
I ran away in my camper for three months. I busied myself. I “dated” a guy which turned out to be more about putting a tourniquet around my bleeding heart than it did about “love”. It had nothing to do with love. It had everything to do with escape. Then, one sunny afternoon at a fair in the park, a gentleman standing nearby choked. Like, Heimlich Maneuver choked. And I was frozen. Instead of jumping in as I had been trained to do…as I was certified to do…a movie started playing in my head as I stood in the park. Suddenly, I was back in the ER, sitting on the stool, watching them do CPR on my husband. It went on FOR-EV-ER. I mean, I KNEW I was in the park. So why was I “seeing” this rerun?
\nThe rerun scared the crap out of me. And, I immediately associated it with a medical emergency…both my husband’s heart attack and the gentleman choking on chicken. I began to dread what might happen if there was a real emergency and I couldn’t step up to the plate. I avoided being in situations where someone could get hurt or sick or…God forbid…NEED me. I suffered wave after wave…not only of grief, but also anxiety. To the point of vomiting uncontrollably for hours. Simply put, I was a mess.
\nI went to see my doctor and asked her if she could recommend a grief counselor. And when I first talked with her, she said, “Ginny, I think you have PTSD.” She told me she wanted to do something called EMDR on me. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It is THE most accepted PTSD treatment. Normally, when we experience a disturbing event, our brains process it and file it away neatly in it’s appropriate folder in our memory bank and life goes on. But, when the event is associated with trauma…like watching prolonged CPR…something happens in the filing process and the memory gets stuck. It is like a video playing on a continuous loop…over and over and over. The thought becomes intrusive…meaning, unbidden. Uncontrollable. It creates fear. And it is terribly distressing.
\nAfter the first EMDR treatment, the improvement was extraordinary. It’s non-invasive and is accomplished so simply. You sit in a comfortable chair, You conjure up the image that is giving you the most trouble…no matter how painful it is. You hang onto that thought while watching the practitioner move her finger back and forth, back and forth, back and forth across your field of vision. You follow her finger with your eyes. The rapid eye movement actually reprograms your brain. It can make the memory fade. It can change it into something else. It can process it and let it go into the file with all the other memories. And it can release you from the pain of seeing it over and over and over.
\nI really did well. My anxiety level was lower. I had few, if any, real panic attacks. I still dealt with grief waves, but not the horrifying repetitious movie starring CPR. Then, about a year and a half ago, I started having episodes of anxiety again. About once a week or so, I would spend the night sick as a dog. I couldn’t keep anything down. I began to dread going places. I began to fear medical situations again. What began slowly, started cranking up more and more and with every insult to my central nervous system, it got worse. Surgery cranked it up. The episode with my aunt with dementia cranked it up. Flying cranked it up. Being away from Mr. FixIt cranked it up. I texted my grief counselor, Karen, and told her I thought I needed an EMDR tuneup so we scheduled it to coincide with my trip this week to visit my brother.
\nAs I caught up with her yesterday, I told her about Mr. FixIt and how happy we are. We talked about all the really good, positive changes that have come into my life. Then she asked what happened a year and a half ago that started the cycle again. I told her about the car accident. She asked what it was about that that triggered me and I surprised myself by bursting into tears. I sobbed and covered my face.
\n“I thought I killed her!” I cried.
\n“Who?”
\n“The young girl in the backseat! Her head was lolled over, her face was bloodied. Her mama cradled her head in her hands and begged her to wake up. The man who was driving ran at me screaming, “You killed her! She was supposed to turn 17 this week!!!””
\nI sobbed and Karen put her hand on my knee.
\n“Oh, Ginny…that had to be terrifying.” She comforted me with her soft, caring voice. “I think that’s it. I think that is what has prodded your PTSD awake.”
\nJust like grief, you don’t get “cured” of PTSD. It can raise it’s ugly head just like unexpected waves of grief can overtake you at any given moment.
\nWe did a session of EMDR. We repeated it eight times or so. With each subsequent series of back and forth movements, it felt as though someone were turning down the volume knob like a radio in my brain. The first series resulted in me feeling immediately calmer. The second made me feel like I had taken a step back and I wasn’t sitting in the driver’s seat of the truck. I was in the back seat. The third set had me standing behind the truck. The fourth set had me even further behind the truck…like zooming out on a long camera lens. I was surprised by the fifth set. I had a flash of the young girl going to prom. The implication being…she was fine and healthy. Each subsequent set of movement took me further and further into this relaxed, soft, safe place. It is remarkable something so simple can have such a huge impact.
\nI had not cried about the accident up to that point. I had not processed, or even acknowledged, the trauma of thinking I had killed someone. Of being verbally and physically challenged by the other driver. And we all know that unprocessed trauma, like unprocessed grief…festers. It does not serve us to grit our teeth and white-knuckle our way through these episodes. From now on I will be proactive and get the help I need instead of trying to handle it on my own. I can’t tell you how much better I feel. When I got home from the mountains yesterday, my son-in-law’s dad made the observation that even my voice was different…relaxed, easy, slower. There is no shame in admitting you need help to work through something. We women think we are supposed to have it all together. I told a friend the other day that I just want to be normal. She smiled and said, “Sweetie, you ARE normal. Everybody has something they have to deal with. What you want is perfection!’ Ahhhh…she knows me well.
\nNone of us are perfect. Ask for help if you need it. Don’t try to just get by with a stiff upper lip. Just “getting though it” is no way to live. ❤
\n", "date_published": "2018-07-17T01:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/17/mile-tuneuporhow-emdr-saves-my.html", "tags": ["Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Comfort","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/06/hotter-than-a-firecracker.html", "title": "Hotter Than a Firecracker", "content_html": "\n![\"El](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4960cd0f17.jpg\")
“El Jebel, Colorado burns in the night.”
“Now Mount Sinai was wrapped in smoke because the Lord had descended on it in fire. The smoke of it went up like the smoke of a kiln, and the whole mountain trembled greatly.”\nExodus 19:18 ESV\nColorado is on fire...and not in a good way. There are fires everywhere here. This picture shows the little town of El Jebel, not too far from where I worked. The building in front is the Whole Foods Grocery. It makes me so sad to see this. This particular fire started when two guys were shooting tracers at the firing range and caught the brittle, dry brush on fire. Colorado had a drastically low snowfall this year and record low rainfall this spring. It is literally a tinder box right now and anything can cause a fire that will quickly rage out of control.\n
I’ve lived through two terrible fires here. The first was the Storm King Fire. It started as a lonesome little pine tree that was struck by lightning one afternoon and smoldered for a couple of days before a dry, hot wind fanned it into flames. The resulting conflagration took the lives of 14 smokejumpers from Oregon. The other was the Coal Seam Fire that looked much like this picture. I was driving from Glenwood Springs to New Castle the day it blew up and jumped the interstate AND the Colorado River in an arc right over my car. I was the last car that came through before they closed the road. I remember standing in the street in front of my house, looking at the hillside several miles away in the middle of the night. It looked like a thousand campfires.
\nIf you live in the mountains here, you don’t wonder IF you’re going to have a fire. You wonder WHEN you are going to have a fire. My friends have been posting on Facebook about the stress of keeping a bug out bag by the door for a quick escape. I remember wondering…”What would I grab? What is the most important?” I have always kept my most important papers in a file box with a handle that I could keep near the door and grab on my way out.
\nYes, this fire was man made. As is the one in the southern part of the state that is nearing 100,000 acres. But, as a friend of mine pointed out, we have been starting fires for over 10,000 years. There is a natural cycle of forest management that includes fire. As a matter of fact, there are certain evergreen trees that will not release the seeds from their pine cones unless they are exposed to the high temperatures that a fire would produce, which goes to show me fire is part of the grander scheme of things. It is human intrusion that has placed us in the way of the inevitable.
\nI’m hanging out here in Denver for a couple more days to acclimate to the altitude before I head up into the mountains to see my brother. Please pray for rain…and for the firefighters and homeowners…we are so desperately dry here. ❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-07-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/06/hotter-than-a-firecracker.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/05/colorado.html", "title": "Colorado!", "content_html": "
![\"Fireworks\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4380f46185.jpg\")
“Fireworks…I didn’t go see them this year. Too tired after a long day traveling.”
“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, \"Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.\"”\nRomans 12:19 ESV\nWe started out the day yesterday bright and early. We had to drive 2.5 hours to Columbus and be there two hours ahead of my flight. When I went to check into the ticket counter, it was closed with a sign that gave a number to call for rebooking flights. That made it sound like something was going on with the airline, but I found out it just meant they didn’t open the desk until two hours before the flight. Then, something was wrong with the printer and they couldn’t get it to work. Finally I was shifted to another line and it worked. I had paid extra for a seat with extra legroom but when I got onboard, I found I had been moved back further in the plane so I was crammed in like a sardine. The seats don’t recline and my knees pressed against the seat back in front of me. I ended up taking a second Dramamine and sleeping the whole way, which was fine.\n
While all this was going on, my first husband’s wife was attacked and carjacked in Louisville, Kentucky. A man came up to her and asked for money. She said she never carried money so he told her he would just take her car. She managed to grab a bag out of the car before he got her in a choke hold and she nearly passed out. She tried to fight him but she was too short. So she bit the h*** out of his arm. That’s when he punched her and threw her to the ground, grabbed her keys and took off with the car. She is going to be fine. Bruised with a cut on her lip and mad as a hornet.
\nWhen I think of how this could have turned out much differently, my little fussiness at the airport was nothing. A blip on the radar. Thank God she’s ok. I am grateful it wasn’t worse.
\nAnd now I’m here with my Colorado family. Let the fun begin!❤️
\n\n
\n", "date_published": "2018-07-05T01:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/05/colorado.html", "tags": ["Family","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/11/keep-walking.html", "title": "Keep Walking", "content_html": "
![\"Encouragement](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/008b3d5e59.jpg\")
“Keep walking, dear one.”
I have several people in my life who are walking a challenging path right now. From my cousin with mesothelioma to a friend’s first grandchild being born with physical challenges. From my friend who is selling the home she and her late husband raised their family in to the beautiful women in my small group from church who are facing some pretty big things right now. There are new widows and new moms and new grandmas out there who need extra love and support today. To all of you who are facing challenges…let me say this.
\nYou are beautiful.
\nYou are stronger than you think.
\nYou are loved.
\nYou are being prayed for.
\nNo matter how difficult and challenging life becomes…
\nStand up.
\nKeep walking.
\nKeep moving forward.
\nYou are worthy.
\nYou are enough.
\nYou are a Child of God.
\nIt’s ok to cry.
\nIt’s ok to not be ok.
\nJust hang in there…things will get better. Maybe not right away…but they will get better.
\nI love you.
\n❤️
\n“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”\nEphesians 4:29 ESV
\n#encouragement, #BuildingUp, #love
\n", "date_published": "2018-05-11T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/11/keep-walking.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/06/sold-to-the-highest-bidder.html", "title": "Sold to the Highest Bidder", "content_html": "![\"Gas](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/445fcc5d89.jpg\")
“Mat boards form a bridge to carry pipeline equipment across creeks and up steep slopes.”
On September 13, 2000, David Case wrote an article in Mother Jones Magazine about West Virginia’s Mountain (Party) Mama…Denise Giardina. Ms. Giardina is an author and was sick of seeing the politicians of West Virginia selling off the soul of this beautiful land. She even tried to run for governor by forming her own political party…the Mountain Party. She was born in West Virginia, raised in a coal camp, and has written books on the failing coal industry.
\nDavid Case writes, “West Virginia often seems like America’s very own slice of Third World. A powerful clique of good-ole-boys rape the earth for natural resource wealth, while the masses contend with shabby schools and inadequate public services.” West Virginia has always been in the lowest numbers of any economic chart. Yet she is (or WAS) among the richest in natural resources. She was siphoned of these resources with very little in the way of financial or social remuneration in the past.
\n![\"Mat](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2656eb8999.jpg\")
“Closeup of mat board bridge.”
First it was timber. Then coal, oil and gas. Coal has seen a decided downturn in production with the pledges to reduce carbon emissions in an effort to protect the environment. Gas saw a resurgence when drilling began in the Marcellus Shale of North Central West Virginia. Look, I’m not going to get into a whole political rant here…this isn’t the place. There are so many sides to every story. There are people in this state who would not eat or clothe their families if it weren’t for the Oil and Gas Industry. I get that. And, there are people starving who cannot provide for their families because of reduced coal production. I get that, too. People have to eat
\nNews broke in November that China came in with a 20-year, $83.7 billion investment in West Virginia’s natural gas industry, yet very few details have emerged as to what, exactly, that will look like. What kinds of pipelines, cracker plants, processing plants, compressors? What about regulation? What about protecting the residents? The environment? Long term climate effects? Will this knock the struggling coal industry completely out of the game?
\n![\"Gas](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/1f3030b6bd.jpg\")
“Equipment operators work on steep slopes high above a roadway.”
Oh, the praises and political jockeying to take credit for this enormous financial coup has been a sight to see. The sight that disturbs me most is the destruction of thousands of acres of forest, some of which are a stone’s throw from my back porch. I hate to see the land of my people, the home of my heart, being raped, pillaged, and plundered to send the gas beneath our feet from West Virginia to Louisiana and then shipped to China. Yes…they’re paying for it. But, for how long? Twenty years? You know…$83.7 billion doesn’t go as far as it used to, especially when you take into account each section of pipe costs around $25,000 to place. There’s an enormously expensive infrastructure to build.
\nI hate what’s happening to the land. At the same time, my mechanically inclined mind is intrigued by the industrial process, I hate to admit. The other day, Mr. FixIt and I went for a drive and saw where the pipeline will be coming off the hill behind the farm, crossing the road, and heading up the far ridge. It is crazy to see the steep slopes these men and their ‘dozers are working on. There are places where bulldozers are chained together and a working ‘dozer gets lowered on a cable down the hill. Workers are literally on their backs with their feet sticking straight up as they try to clear away the trees, underbrush, boulders, and earth as they dangle from steel cables. It’s dangerous work…as dangerous as any coal mine.
\n![\"Gas](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e90894989e.jpg\")
“Closeup of gas pipeline workers high up a steep slope clearing land behind the farm.”
Anyone with any land at all has put in mini campgrounds in their fields and pastures and even lawns in order to cash in on the economic windfall created by a lack of housing for the oil and gas workers. Restaurants, hotels, food trucks, convenience stores have all sprung up to accommodate the extra mouths to feed. Again, I ask…what happens in 20 years when it all goes away and we are left with a scarred landscape that can be seen from outer space? I know…it’s an influx of money to a struggling, poor state. Maybe people can put a little money away for the future. Maybe they can send their kids to school for better educations. Maybe West Virginia will invest that money wisely and not just line the pockets of the powers that be so our children can look forward to a better life. Maybe. In the meantime, the trucks going up and down our road have literally torn it to bits, hundreds of years of forest growth is gone, and everything is a muddy mess…all in the name of the almighty dollar. ❤️
\n“You shall not pollute the land in which you live, for blood pollutes the land, and no atonement can be made for the land for the blood that is shed in it, except by the blood of the one who shed it. You shall not defile the land in which you live, in the midst of which I dwell, for I the Lord dwell in the midst of the people of Israel."”\nNumbers 35:33-34 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-05-06T01:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/06/sold-to-the-highest-bidder.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Fear","Warning","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/20/no-apologies.html", "title": "No Apologies", "content_html": "
![\"Unplug\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/448119a74b.jpg\")
“It’s ok to unplug.”
What happens when you have to “dig in and go dark?” When you have the diagnosis, you’ve gone through the years of treatments, nothing else is working, so your spouse makes the decision you have dreaded from the beginning…no more? That was the question posed to me. It’s different for everyone and I don’t know for sure…I haven’t suffered this particular hell. But, my answer was this. Do what you need to do and don’t apologize for it.
\nFacebook has become a simplified way to let more distant family and friends know what’s going on during illness and the dying process. It tends to keep people from having to write the same story over and over. I suggested being honest. Tell them where you are in the decision process, explain you’re entering new territory with many unknowns that you’ll be learning to deal with as you go, and now…while you love each and every one and you covet their prayers…you have to unplug. Designate someone to let the closest people know what’s going on if you can’t do it.
\nYou don’t owe the world an explanation. I understand there will be those who feel left out or put out, but your time is best spent in communion with your loved one. You will have many demands on your time. Trying to update everyone on social media shouldn’t be one of them if it overwhelms you. From the other side of the coin, understand there’s a lot going on in a family whose loved one is dying and as much as you would like to know what’s going on, giving a family space and your prayers are the two best things you can do if you aren’t in the “inner circle.“
\nMany of you have shared your experiences of going through this kind of loss. What kind of advice would you give to someone heading into the last part of the process? What helped you the most? What did you really need from people? How did you handle communications?
\nRemember, when you’ve gone through loss and you’re functioning better and moving forward, don’t forget to turn back around and offer your hand to those coming up behind you on the same journey. Insight…it is one of the gems in the flame. ❤
\n“…a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;”\nEcclesiastes 3:7 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2018-04-20T01:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/20/no-apologies.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/17/faith-or-fear.html", "title": "Faith or Fear?", "content_html": "![\"Hands\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/967806633e.jpg\")
“Faith or Fear?”
I love my readers. And I love how God uses them to teach me things. “Betty” (not her real name) sent me a message yesterday morning. She found a little typo and wanted to let me know. Everyone knows I’m a stickler for good grammar and I have a few who help me catch things when they slip through. She always signs off with “WALK STRONG.” I wrote back that I was trying, but I have a few things I’m facing in the coming weeks that I could use some extra prayers for. Immediately, “Betty” came back with a valuable reminder.
\nGod is omnipresent…He is everywhere and all powerful. The enemy is not. Our pastor says he is so small, he is under our boot. So he waits. And he listens. He finds weakness and exploits it. When we speak out loud and voice our fear or anger or doubt, he pounces on that and attacks us through our thoughts. So, we have to be careful about the words we confess…over ourselves, our circumstances, each other. “Betty” reminded me in order to defeat the enemy, we have to beat him at his own game and confess positive, Victory, light…all of which are God’s characteristics. She went on to say you have lay your burdens down at the foot of the cross and walk away. Ohhhhh…that is not an easy thing to do!
\n“Betty” says…you can have Faith, or you can have fear. You can’t have both…you have to choose. I took that into my situation yesterday. I drove to town professing light, strength, courage, Victory. I laid everything down and walked away and was filled with an incredible sense of peace. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…” John 10:10 When you open yourself by confessing fears, you open the door and let the enemy in. “WALK STRONG!” I love that!
\nDivine appointments. God makes appointments with us every day. He sends the Holy Spirit to counsel us. In this case, He sent “Betty” with word of a typo that turned into a valuable lesson of Faith for me. It literally changed my day. It doesn’t work if you don’t listen. And it doesn’t work if you don’t obey. This life gig is pretty cool if you think about it. We have this incredible supernatural Father that loves us, craves interaction with us, sends a Spirit to coach us and teach us and, dare I say, scold us when we need it. And all we have to do is trust, and believe, and listen, and follow directions. Amazing!
\nWho is your “Betty” today? ❤
\n“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”\nJohn 10:10 NIV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-04-17T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/17/faith-or-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Fear","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/13/country-life-is-not-for.html", "title": "Country Life is Not for Sissies!", "content_html": "
![\"Squirrel\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/bb88e027b5.jpg\")
“There was a little squirrel…”
Yesterday was the most beautiful so far this year. The temperature got up to 82…truly hot on the front porch at 5:00. I think this “cold” might be allergies. I was listening to the news and they said with the late spring rains and cool temperatures, the pollen counts have been held down. That is, until the last couple of days. It warmed up dramatically and the wind whipped the pollen count into a veritable poison soup for those of us allergic to everything outdoors. I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t already been taking antihistamines.
\nI was sitting in the front window sipping my morning coffee and trying to decide if I was going to live or not when something outside caught my eye. A dark shadow passed by the window. When I looked closer, it was a vulture…sitting on my lawn. I swear he was looking at me. Dang…I knew I didn’t feel great, but…vultures? I was worried. So I went back to bed.
\nWith enough Benadryl on board to knock out a line backer, I snoozed half the afternoon away but woke up feeling much better. My cousin Charlotte stopped by to visit…my first “front porch company” of the season! She brought me a cute little camper birdhouse I can’t wait to hang up. New birds are showing up every day here at the farm. The brown headed cowbirds are back. And some really big blue jays. And, of course…vultures! Oy.
\nI was wandering around last evening, checking out the flowers when I noticed Boy Cat chasing something…bigger than the usual mouse he’s after…definitely not a bird. I got closer and it was a….baby squirrel. I screamed. The cat froze, and for a moment, the little squirrel managed to get a couple of feet away. The cat and I stared each other down. I was praying for a little time for the baby to get to a safe place. The cat read my mind as I lunged for the little fur-ball and he took off like a shot. I grabbed a flower pot as the cat and I closed in but try as I might, I couldn’t get the pot over the baby! He scampered under the trailer with a blur of orange and white fur hot on his tail. The little squirrel wedged itself between the tire and the chock and I tried to shoo away the cat. He stood his ground like a Sherman tank. I made one last attempt by grabbing the baby squirrel’s tail but that spooked him and he took off under the camper. I scrambled around but I couldn’t get to him. I couldn’t help it. I really tried. But I had to get up and run in the house and close the door. I couldn’t watch. That was one determined cat. I can only pray the little squirrel got away.
\nThese are the norms of nature. Farm cats kill little wild things. And sometimes bigger wild things kill farm cats. The only thing that I am grateful for is Boy Cat didn’t leave a dead baby squirrel on my doorstep as a gift for his Food God. That would have done me in. ❤
\n“The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.”\nProverbs 12:10 NIV
\n#Animals, #kindness, #farmlife
\n", "date_published": "2018-04-13T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/13/country-life-is-not-for.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Fear","Change","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/10/a-moment-of-panic.html", "title": "A Moment of Panic...", "content_html": "![\"Computer](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4ee62e1d40.jpg\")
“A Moment of Panic…”
This is one of those moments when my mind ran about a hundred yards ahead of me and took me on a wild goose chase. A few days ago, when I was working hot and heavy on the taxes, I noticed some of my files on my new laptop had a red “x” on the upper left corner of the icon. I really didn’t take time to figure out what was going on because I had other fish to fry. When the taxes were finally completed Saturday, and I took a much needed day of rest on Sunday, I dove back in to the computer to find out what was going on.
\nAfter checking, it seemed all of the files had some connection to OneDrive…Microsoft’s answer to Apple’s iCloud. Upon further investigation, I discovered Windows 10 automatically sets up OneCloud (ok, there may have been something I checked off when I set up the computer but at this point, I’ve forgotten). All of your pictures, documents, backups…you know…IMPORTANT stuff heads to outer space to be stored in some server somewhere. It was SO enticing, this “free” service Microsoft provided you. (Ok, now I remember…I DID make a choice. sigh) Did it occur to me what would happen once my laptop started vomiting 13,000 photos into a bunch of zeros and ones and that free storage was eaten up? Oh, heck no!
\nEat it up it did and somewhere around the time I was backing up Quicken and TurboTax, I got a little message. “Your OneCloud is full.” When I finally got back to it yesterday morning, I went on the Microsoft site and looked for help. Reading the directions meant nothing. I went on chat. I was “number 64…please don’t move away from this page or you’ll lose your place in line.” An hour later, “Czar Niña”…I kid you not, that was the name…came on and tried to help me. Turn this off. Disconnect that. Reboot.
\n“If I reboot, I’ll lose you!” I said.
\n“Don’t worry…I’ll be here.” the Czar typed back.
\nI rebooted.
\nGone.
\nsigh
\nI tried again and got Emil.
\nEmil said, “Just delete all the files with a red x.”
\nAre you KIDDING me??? That represents about two years of work!
\n“That is not an option.” I typed back.
\n“Well, then,” he tapped away. “Save this link and call tomorrow and you can buy premium services and we can climb into your computer and fix that bad boy for only $149 a year!” Really, I’m paraphrasing here.
\n“Thanks, Emil! Catch ya later!” Click.
\nAlong about this time, I wondered what would happen if I actually clicked on the files with the red x. Would my computer die? Would there be anything there? Would I do some harm to the delicate balance of the ozone layer? Would I kill a butterfly in the Sahara? What the heck…I’ve come this far.
\nClick.
\nEverything was there. It seems, if you want the red x to go away, you have to buy the upgraded storage, which…of course…I had already done by this time. I am “syncing” 13,000+ photos and documents to an unknown climate controlled electronic box somewhere in India that I forked out $72 and change for so that Microsoft would stop holding my data hostage when it was there all along.
\nheavy sigh
\nI don’t know…I think I’d pass on the OneCloud thingy if you have more than fifty or so pictures of your cats because you just may never see Fluffy again without paying the big bucks!
\nBut, the real moral of the story is…I failed, yet again, to be present and not let panic rush over me. Remembering first that God is with me and He will help me, even when my Gemini grief-brain takes me off chasing rabbits. It would have saved me a lot of unnecessary angst yesterday.
\n“Lord, help me remember You are there.” Amen ❤️
\n“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”\nIsaiah 41:10 ESV
\n\n", "date_published": "2018-04-10T01:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/10/a-moment-of-panic.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/23/reprise-the-ugly-side-of.html", "title": "Reprise: The Ugly Side of Grief", "content_html": "
![\"Grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5dd6367e81.jpg\")
“Reprise: The Ugly Side of Grief”
I wrote this two years ago. I think it bears repeating with the holidays approaching.
\nThe Ugly Side of Grief
\nRemember when you and I first started this journey? I told you I would speak from my heart. I would speak my truth as it is in the moment. I would tell you what it’s like to walk this path and I told you that sometimes it wouldn’t be pretty. Remember that? Well, I’m writing this at midnight and tonight is one of those nights that’s just not pretty.
\nI woke up with a migraine Wednesday morning and didn’t take the time to take care of myself as I would normally. My aunt had a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon so we were gone for several hours. (I’ve managed to get 2.2 pounds on her tiny little frame by adding cream and cheese and eggs to a lot of her foods. That’s a relief.) We got home and I fixed her supper. I really couldn’t eat much and I went straight to bed. I slept a couple of hours and woke up. And the second phase of my migraine kicked in….GI symptoms.
\nGrief is hard work. Being sick is hard work. Being sick and grieving and feeling anxiety build up in you and knowing the only thing you can do is use Rescue Remedy and ride it out till morning? That’s brutal. That opens all sorts of doors to thoughts better left for the light of day. When will this ever be over? Why did he have to die on me so soon? How am I ever going to find the strength to get through this? Is this what the rest of my life is going to look like? I’ve taken on a huge responsibility with my aunt’s care. Have I bit off more than I can chew? Am I strong enough to get through this?
\nThat last question is the crux of the whole thing…am I strong enough to do this? If you look at my frail little human self with my fears and my anxieties and my grief, the answer is an unequivocal “No…..not on my own.” I could not have gotten where I am today if it weren’t for my faith in a God much stronger than me. A God that will gladly carry every burden I have if I’ll just remember to turn to Him and ask Him to carry them. I couldn’t have made it this far without the countless prayers that have been offered up on my behalf. I hate the ugly underbelly of grief. The doubt and fear it stirs up in me scares me. And when I get scared, it’s easy to go running down the dark corridors of my 2:00 mind, jiggling door knobs, frantically looking for a way out of this purgatory.
\nMy rational 8:00 mind will return after while. I’ll get up and have coffee and the night will fade into memories of the many long nights of survival. And, until then, I will lay here in my comfy bed in my cold camper with my toasty electric blanket turned on high, and I will visualize sitting at the feet of God, my head on His knee, His hand stroking my brow, His love for me overflowing, His strength pouring into me, His gentle words of encouragement whispered into my ear. “It’s ok, baby girl. You fight hard and you get tired. You just rest in Me. I’ll take care of you tonight and tomorrow things will look a whole lot different…you’ll see. Trust Me.”
\n❤️
\n“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2 NIV\n", "date_published": "2016-11-23T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/23/reprise-the-ugly-side-of.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Holiday","Wisdom","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/17/on-being-passionate.html", "title": "On Being Passionate", "content_html": "
![\"Albert](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e5f2d1c568.jpg\")
“A word from the wise.”
It’s been a little over a week since the election. I don’t know about you…but I felt emotionally and physically exhausted after being subjected to such derision and anger on a daily basis. I, quite literally, was numb from the whole process and escaped through a cleaning frenzy the likes of which this house has not seen in years. And that’s from a woman who never watched TV throughout the entire campaign. I jumped on the Peace Train. I prayed and wrote and meditated and tried to wrap my head around the whole thing. Who I voted for doesn’t matter as much as the fact that I voted…there’s problems from both sides. I ride in the neutral zone here on The Ranch because politics raises passions and I respect you all…regardless of politics.
\nOne SHOULD be passionate about one’s beliefs. This election highlighted how divided we are as a nation. While I preach a message of peace, that doesn’t mean I should shirk my duties as a concerned, active citizen. I should learn everything there is to know about the issues that effect the world today. And…I can do that without hurting anyone. It is my responsibility to be a contributing member of society and research legislation so I can make informed choices in the polling booth.
\nThis isn’t easy for me. Conflict makes me extremely uncomfortable…being the child of an alcoholic can make it very difficult to be around verbal disagreements. However, I can still suit up and show up without entering into the fray. I can be passionate about being the change I want to see in the world. I don’t have to advertise my position in order to affect change. I can help…and I can do it from a place of love. ❤️
\n“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21 NIV\n", "date_published": "2016-11-17T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/17/on-being-passionate.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Comfort","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/03/alarming.html", "title": "Alarming", "content_html": "\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7b22c6e30f.jpg\")
\"Danger, Will Robinson!\" I don't know if I'm going to be able to use this driveway alarm or not. It went off four times during the night. I wouldn't have batted an eyelash at that except my friend down the road stopped the other night to tell me about all the break-ins in the area lately. This is an excellent demonstration of the power of suggestion. The threat has always been there, but it meant nothing till it was articulated in well-meaning conversation.
\n\n\nThe power of fear is remarkable. Just hearing about the break-ins changed my sense of personal safety to the point that I jumped every time that alarm went off last night. I started leaving all the outdoor lights on. I checked and rechecked the locks on the doors. I slept with my gun beside me. I moved the rifle back into the bedroom from the kitchen where it could be seen and used against me. I locked up the back of the truck. I put a lock on the cellar so no one would steal the pump.
\n\n\nSteal the pump?!?! Do you see how crazy this is getting? How unsettling this has become?!?! It's ridiculous. Absolutely nothing is different in my world except the two minutes talking about all the weed-eaters that have been stolen and gas pilfered. I have nothing of value here save for TOW-Wanda and she has a hitch lock that would rival Ft. Knox.
\n\n\nI saw a bumper sticker yesterday that read \"Fearful people do stupid things.\" While that is political in nature given the upcoming election, it's just as true if it were not. I will not live my life in fear. When I do, I am weak. I make poor decisions. I don't necessarily listen to \"the truth\". I give my power away. I have lived too much of my life in fear. I won't do it anymore. This is the same little house on the same little farm on the same little two-lane blacktop as it was an hour before that conversation. I'm taking reasonable precautions to deter vandals. After that, I'm letting go of the fear and paranoia. I know from experience...when you sit in fear, you attract things to be fearful of. I rebuke fear. I have to. I live alone and I need to LIVE...whether I'm alone or not.
\n\n\nMy friend Nancy posted this today...\"Nancy's Nuggets: This popped off the page at me...Consider carefully how you listen...Luke 8:18 NIV So, think carefully about what you are hearing. Matthew Henry comments on this: \"Take heed of those things that will hinder our profiting from the word we hear, take heed lest we hear carelessly and slightly; and take heed after we have heard the word, lest we lose what we have gained.\"\"
\n\n\nI will not lose my sense of peace.
\n\n\nThe alarm is being moved closer to the house today so it's out of the deer and possum crossing. I'm raising it higher so it doesn't go off so easily with the smaller critters. It will now be brought back into my line of sight from behind the huge rhododendron down the driveway. Other than that, I'm done worrying about weed-eater thefts. I'm taking back the night.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-11-03T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/03/alarming.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/14/blue-skies.html", "title": "Blue Skies", "content_html": "\n“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
\nPsalms 118:24 KJV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/61c2b4cb02.jpg\")
I don't talk politics here. It's too personal and too important to trivialize it with merely an opinion or marginalize it with angry rhetoric. There are enough venues to discuss the particulars. I won't do it here. I also won't have the comments run off the rails either. This is my safety zone...this little imaginary ranch where the wild marshmallow grows. And, I'm certainly not endorsing a candidate here. But I've got to tell you...I cannot wait till this is over. I mean, like....if this election were a bear trap and I were caught in its massive steel jaws, I would gladly chew off my own arm rather than spend one more moment with it.
\n\n\nI saw a meme the other day that said this election is like our parents are fighting an ugly custody battle over us and all we kinda want to do is go live with grandma. The hateful, vulgar debacle is enough to depress the most stoic of visages. I want it to be over...and this spoken from a woman who doesn't watch TV. I can't imagine watching this play out on a screen larger than my cellphone...and that's filtered through social media and select news outlets...with the sound off.
\n\n\nI don't know about you, but I just want America to be nice again. Please? I want a world where we don't have to censor the television to make it safe for the kids to walk in the room. I'd like to see mental health statistics based on election years. I want us to just get along. I know this is a naive oversimplification, but I want my grandma. I want her kind face smiling at me. I want to see the twinkle in her eyes when she sees me run in the door. I want a piece of her jelly bread. I want her to cup my face in her hands and blow zerberts on my cheeks. I want her to gather me in her lap and rock me safely in her arms singing \"Bye yo bye yo, baby bye.\" to the tune of \"Rock of Ages\". Instead, I'll snuggle into the big rocker by the front window...with a cup of tea. And pray it will be over soon.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-14T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/14/blue-skies.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear","Kindness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/08/06/when-the-lights-go-out.html", "title": "When the Lights Go Out", "content_html": "\n“For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: \"You shall love your neighbor as yourself.\"”
\nGalatians 5:14 ESV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/35ca91f301.jpg\")
Since losing Mr. Virgo, I've always said \"Nothing scares me!\" The truth of the matter is, \"Nothing MUCH scares me!\" Something does, though. I'm afraid of the dark. Not the dark of night. No...I'm afraid of what happens when the lights dim and go out in your mind. Someone close to me is having difficulty with that right now. A couple of people, actually. And I have to tell you, that scares the crap out of me. FOR them, of course. For their loved ones who watch them withering away, their minds shutting down like faulty circuit boards on a stormy afternoon. And for me...and the impact it would have on my kids.
\n\n\nWhat must that feel like? Knowing something isn't right. Forgetting things and knowing it's happening. Feeling out of control, out of touch. I know at some point the disconnect is complete and you're no longer aware. But oh, that twilight time scares me. That...awareness of not knowing. We don't know what our lot in life will be. We can only hope and pray we will face whatever comes with dignity and grace. And trust that God will be there to carry us through.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-08-06T01:30:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/08/06/when-the-lights-go-out.html", "tags": ["Health","Fear","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/07/19/scaredy-cat.html", "title": "Scaredy Cat", "content_html": "\n“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
\nJohn 14:27 NIV\n
These are some pretty dark times in our world. I've never felt the world so disjointed before. We're all so disconnected and it scares me. I hate politics. I rarely watch it and never comment. I watched the opening night of the Republican National Convention last night. I felt pretty discouraged afterward. Not that the Democratic version will be any better. They regurgitate what they think we want to hear. And it's really so disheartening. It just exhausts me and left me with nothing to say last night when I sat down to write this post.
\n\n\nI want kindness and grace. Hope. Honesty. Strength. Let us pray...
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-07-19T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/07/19/scaredy-cat.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/23/on-being-ready.html", "title": "On Being Ready", "content_html": "\n“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.””
\nGalatians 5:14 NIV\n
If not now...when? I asked a sweet friend that question last night. She wants to travel in her camper and work. She can work from her camper. She wants to go. She just has some details to attend to. That's cool. That's all grown up and legitimate. But, if I talk to her this time next year and she hasn't made any attempt to move on her dream, then something else is at play. The biggest obstacle I come across, after not having enough money, is fear.
\n\n\nFear stops us in our tracks. Fear lies to us. The \"what ifs\" mount up till we can't see over them. Fear is a big bully. But honestly...I'd much rather jump out the window than stand burning in the flames. There is always someone out there to catch me. And if He doesn't catch me, He'll give me wings to fly.
\n\n\nI was getting a pedicure yesterday and there were four young women there together. Obviously they were getting ready for an event and at their age, and given it is June, I correctly surmised it was a wedding. I love weddings. And I love talking to young women about to get married. It's one of the advantages of being a crone...I get to mentor. We talked about the importance of keeping up your girlfriend relationships. They asked what I do and I told them about my writing and my camper and how I've put 35,000 miles on my truck in 20 months. I told them about losing Mr. Virgo. Then I pointed to my daughter and grand daughters and told them my most important job is to demonstrate to them what a strong woman does when she is dealt a crappy hand. I need to show them how to be alone and thrive.
\n\n\nI was so touched yesterday when my older daughter told me she is planning to fly to DC to hear me speak in August. I am honored.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-23T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/23/on-being-ready.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/06/fear-of-change.html", "title": "Fear of Change", "content_html": "\n“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.”
\nMatthew 25:13 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/186f7308dd.jpg\")
I have a confession to make. I really hate change. Change scares me. Oh...what's that? You, too? Fancy that! I am probably one of the most flexible, adaptable, light-on-my-feet kind of people you are ever likely to run across. Yet, since Mr. Virgo died, I dread change. The seven years he was in my life were the most peaceful years I'd ever known. It was easy being with him. He was dependable. Predictable. Steady. We approached change as an adventure we were prepared to embrace together. Change was challenging and fun. Then he died. And change became an obstacle. A chasm to be crossed...fraught with peril.
\n\n\nIt's not that I am a slave to routine. Quite the contrary. I get bored easily and need distractions. But those changes are under my control. I can pack up the camper and head out in any direction on any given day of the week. I can climb these steps or ride my bike. Kayak or walk. No, those things don't bother me. What bothers me is when people I've come to know and enjoy spending time with have a sudden change in their lives and I'm no longer included in as many of the regular activities I enjoyed sharing with them. Whether they get a new job, a new relationship, or move to the other side of town...I dread that change.
\n\n\nRecent changes in the lives of several people I know and love and came to depend on for regular companionship have caused me to take a breath and look at change differently. Change is really nothing more than a transition of thought from one state of being to another. The transition takes me from where I was...where I saw myself...to where I actually am. It's life's reality check. I'm not a fifth wheel unless I think I am.
\n\n\nDepending on other people for companionship in general isn't healthy unless you are in a committed, monogamous relationship. And even then, you should be independent enough to entertain yourself for some period of time...alone. Seek out additional friendships. I know how easy it is to slip into the comfortable shoes of dependability. But you've all heard it before...the only thing certain is change.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-06T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/06/fear-of-change.html", "tags": ["Fear","Change","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/23/when-hate-become-bigger-than.html", "title": "When Hate Become Bigger Than Love", "content_html": "\n“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”
\nHebrews 13:8 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/0ed4021e57.jpg\")
Gandhi urged us to be the change we want to see in the world. If we want goodness, we must be good people. Mr. Virgo called me Pollyanna because I always look for the good...always. When you look for the bad, it's all you will ever see. It becomes the lens through which you observe everything. It is poisonous, killing you and your loving heart, your caring mind.
\n\n\nBut even I, in my eternal sunshine of being, am becoming weary. I shared a meme on my personal page yesterday. It was a picture of our President and First Lady, dancing. It wasn't meant as a political statement. The message was this. Whether you hate him, or you hate her, THEY are not the problem. HATE is the problem. I'm not talking politics here. I'm talking about the human condition and hate is rampant out there. It baffles me.
\n\n\nWithin seconds...SECONDS....of posting this message against hatred, my page was bombarded with angry messages. From people I know. People I love. People I have trusted with my heart. It was extremely discouraging. And it hurt my soul. I know...I should have known better. I came close to touching the third rail. I took the post down. Not in defeat but for self-preservation.
\n\n\nI cannot hate. I've been angry enough to entertain it in my heart before and it kills me. Hate is a product. Fear begets anger which in turn begets hatred. It's a cancer. It is relentless and will not be satisfied. It is hungry. But I cannot dine at that table. I can't even hate the haters. I'm not milquetoast, either. I have opinions and I can stand up for them.
\n\n\nWhat must Jesus be thinking?
\n\n\n\"See...I told you to love your neighbor as you love yourself. What are you doing???\"
\n\n\nBut...they've forgotten. We're ALL neighbors.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-23T02:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/23/when-hate-become-bigger-than.html", "tags": ["Love","Wisdom","Anger","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/17/a-burden-shared.html", "title": "A Burden Shared...", "content_html": "\n““A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.””
\nJohn 13:34-35 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/45e9967ee6.jpg\")
Is it just me or has the world gotten meaner? I had dinner with a friend the other night and was presenting my theory and I think it is valid. I walked in a fog of grief and pain for over two years after Mr. Virgo died. I have just in the last 6 months or so felt like I'm waking up and rejoining the human race. I'm different, certainly. But, I am much more aware of what's going on outside of my shell now. And, I've gotta tell ya...this world has gotten mean. Was it always like this and I had my rose-colored glasses primly planted on the bridge of my nose? Perhaps. Was I so in love and enjoying Mr. Virgo's relatively new presence in my life that I wasn't really paying attention to the world around me? I'm sure. Did it get meaner while I was checked out in my grief battle? I truly believe so.
\n\n\nI've never been particularly vocal about politics. Like religion, I feel that is a personal issue. I don't want someone pushing their agenda on me so I certainly don't push mine on them. There have been 44 Presidential Elections since this country was founded. I have been eligible to vote in 7 of them. I grew up during the political unrest of 1968. I've witnessed the assassination and attempted assassinations of past Presidents on television. I know what it felt like to lose JFK, MLK, and Bobby Kennedy. I'm not about to touch the third rail and get into a political debate here, but merely from a sociological and anthropological standpoint, I am deeply troubled by what I am witnessing.
\n\n\nThere seems to be so much hatred in the world. So much anger. There seem to be fewer social boundaries defining what is and is not acceptable behavior when in mixed company, let alone on national television. I cleared out my personal Facebook page and unfollowed those whose rants were upsetting to me. I don't watch television. I read very little print media. I do catch my news online from trusted media outlets. But there is a fine line between protecting myself from the angry rhetoric and putting my head in the sand. It bothers me that no one skipped a beat when Justice Scalia died...they went right into screaming matches over the next appointment to the Supreme Court. It took till today for me to see a post by a member of congress expressing his condolences to the widow and family. What is wrong with us? Where are our manners? What happened to our humanity?
\n\n\nThere are many of us here who have an intimate understanding of what's going on in the Scalia house this week. I'm embarrassed to say I know very little about the man's politics. I'm looking at this purely as an empathetic human. And my heart is with a new widow.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/17/a-burden-shared.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/03/faith-fear.html", "title": "Faith \u003e Fear", "content_html": "\n“Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants.”
\nPsalm 116:15 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/cf18392b5b.jpg\")
This is a pretty scary world we're living in right now. When Mr. Virgo was alive and there were bad things happening, I had a special sense of safety because I had absolute trust he would lay his life on the line for me. No doubt. Now that he's gone, I don't have his comforting arms around me reassuring me that I'm going to be ok.
\n\n\nEvery single day brings a new horror to our doorstep. It's not easy to be brave AND be alone. I'm trying to balance the scales here with my faith. Part of me says \"Yeah, well these people who are dying at the hands of madmen probably had faith when they walked out the door this morning.\" Yes...but, the other side says \"I know how this ends....and God wins.\" I'm using prayers as the weights to put on the FAITH side of the scale. Prayers and mindfulness.
\n\n\nThe goal of any terrorism, foreign or domestic, is to instill fear in the populace. To succumb to this fear is to hand the terrorists a victory. I refuse to do that. Losing Mr. Virgo taught me to be brave and stand up for myself and what I believe in. When he was here with me, he showed me I have great strength and value. I will continue to be strong...for me, for him, for my family. See, here's the bottom line....they cannot take my soul. They cannot steal my spirit. I know where I'm going. That brings me comfort.
They can take my life, but they CANNOT have my fear...for I am but a breath away from Paradise.
❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-03T02:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/03/faith-fear.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/11/15/worry.html", "title": "Worry", "content_html": "\n“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
\n2 Timothy 1:7 KJV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a2de45a751.jpg\")
These are difficult times. Horrific events are hitting us from every angle...both foreign and domestic. Wars, terrorism, famine, natural disaster...it's difficult to escape images and stories splashed across our TVs and news feeds. Our hearts are broken with each tragedy and we reach across the miles to our brothers and sisters. Today, we are Parisian in solidarity. Tomorrow? Who knows?
\n\n\nWhen the events of 9/11 unfolded, I was in the throes of heartbreak over the end of my second marriage. I was actively grieving, making each terrifying image cut even deeper into the chasm where my heart used to live. I wasn't sure how to process what was happening and my brain was shorting out from the months of sadness it had already endured. I struggled from the combination of traumatic stress, grief, and terrorism.
\n\n\nPost 9/11 brought a decade of research and evaluation of the short and long term effects of terrorism and a number of studies were published. The American Psychological Association published this excellent article on the topic.
\n\n\nIf you are grieving already, something like the terror in Paris this week can quickly send you into emotional overload. Gone are those strong arms that comforted us in troubling times. Don't forget to take special care of yourself in the coming days. Unplug and give yourself a break from the media coverage. Your reactions are more than likely quite normal...but adding excess worry to an already full plate isn't healthy. If you need to, ask your doctor or seek the help of a trained mental health provider. There is no shame in that.
\n\n\nI hand my worries over to God. He carries them for me. When the going gets tough, He is my shield.
\n\n\n❤️???❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-11-15T02:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/11/15/worry.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/21/do-not-be-afraid.html", "title": "Do Not Be Afraid", "content_html": "\n“Everyone will hate you because of me. But not a hair of your head will perish. Stand firm, and you will win life.”
\nLuke 21:17-19 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4a5e462e78.jpg\")
It is no coincidence that this phrase is found 365 times in the Bible. God wants us to be strong in Him...to be fearless...to fear less. I'm here to tell you, facing life without that supportive one, that strong one, that helpmate and sounding board who is no longer there for you physically can strike terror in your heart. The worst thing is making the big decisions without the one person whose opinion you valued over all others. You aren't alone in this. Everyone who has suffered loss struggles with fear, especially in the wee small hours of the night.
\n\n\nI am blessed to have connected with so many wonderful people through this page. I feel your love and encouragement from across the miles. I've even met some of you in person and I'm looking forward to meeting more of you as time allows. One woman I've connected with is on a journey of her own quite similar to mine. She travels in her little camper from place to place, navigating this grief journey as her labor of love. She is a sweetheart. She sent me a little song for the road trip to Myrtle Beach so I thought I would share it with you this morning. Just a little Happy Hump Day music. Go ahead...tap those toes...don't be afraid!
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-21T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/21/do-not-be-afraid.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/20/abandonment.html", "title": "Abandonment", "content_html": "\n“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
\nPhilippians 4:6-7\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/8d5ef354a2.jpg\")
I have an excessive fear of abandonment. Oh, it's not as bad as it was before I met Mr. Virgo, but it's still something I deal with in life and relationships. The fear of abandonment is primal. It can help us form bonds in relationships. But it can also sabotage us at every turn when it's given too much fuel.
\n\n\nMy fear of abandonment was probably ingrained by a combination of an alcoholic father who was unpredictable and being sexually abused by a neighborhood boy when I was 8 years old. When I confided in my friend's mom, she literally pushed me out the door and told me never to say that to anyone ever again. I didn't tell my mom till I was 35 because I couldn't risk being rejected by her, too. This fear could be as simple as insisting I get a pair of shoes that were obviously too small for me when I was ten. I was certain I would never have another pair of shoes. Or, it could be the driving force of seeking reassurance and undying love of those I care about for fear I will be left alone. I'm sure you all know someone like that. Clingy, cloying, a million I-love-you's is never enough. It's a battle that is not easily won.
\n\n\nI recently read an excellent blog post by Susan Anderson, psychotherapist, author, workshop leader, and founder of Abandonment Recovery Movement \"How to Overcome Fear of Abandonment: 7 Dos and 10 Don'ts\" is spot on and worth the read if you find yourself hearing this never ending playlist in your head.
\n\n\nLosing Mr. Virgo could have been the biggest, baddest abandonment ever. But, while I was left alone, it wasn't on purpose. He didn't choose to leave me. That's a whole different thing than being left on purpose. My youngest grand daughter taught me that the night we buried her Papa. We went to a restaurant for dinner and she took a napkin and drew a circle with an X in it and handed it to me. I asked her what it was. She said, \"You put this on Papa's pillow to remind you he died. He didn't just go on vacation without you.\" She was five. Being left on purpose is a fate worse than death to a five-year-old. She wanted me to understand he didn't mean to leave me. She also wanted me to understand he wasn't coming back. There was no need to fool myself.
\n\n\nThe words of a brave little girl echo in my mind and my heart and have helped me so much. I seek to replace the unhealthy with the healthy aspects of this inordinate fear that sometimes still overwhelms me. We are all works of art. Unfinished, terrifyingly beautiful works of art.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-20T01:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/20/abandonment.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/10/10/fear-less.html", "title": "Fear Less", "content_html": "\n“No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
\nJoshua 1:5\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/88f789983c.jpg\")
What do you do in the afternoon when you have promised your dermatologist you won't expose 80% of your body to the strongest sun of the day? Well, you go shopping, of course! Even though I seldom buy anything, I still enjoy a girls afternoon...lunch, then wander aimlessly through cute stores.
\n\n\nIt was successful on many levels. Besides the whole girl bonding thing, there was lunch, a cute little coffee shop, and I found a really neat bracelet I HAD to have. It's a thin silver band with the word \"Fearless\" stamped on it with a card attached. \"To be fearless is to do what scares you, to take a chance, to make a change. To love again. And to get back up after you fall. To be fearless is to know your fears, but never let them stop you.\"
\n\n\nThis resonated with me and I bought the little band to wear on the same wrist as my feather tattoo. My tattoo reminds me that my burdens are as light as a feather because God carries them for me. It seemed to fit.
Along toward the end of the our shopping excursion, we were in one of the last shops and I saw a coffee mug with \"Fear Less\" on it. It made me stop dead in my tracks. This is different...a totally different play on words that gives being fearless a whole new meaning.
I do not have to go out there and try to be without fear. But I CAN strive to fear LESS. That is a realistic goal that will benefit me far more than trying to attain the unattainable. Now, when I look at my new bracelet, I will see two words instead of one....Fear Less.
\n\n\n❤️
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-10-10T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/10/10/fear-less.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/08/25/i-love-you-to-the.html", "title": "I Love You to The Moon and Back", "content_html": "\n“You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,”
\nPsalm 91:5\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f194e0c6bc.jpg\")
I've had several readers respond with stories of having lost a child. When I read them, the bottom of my heart drops to the floor. I have no adequate words to relay to them as how could mere words offer comfort to a grieving mother of one of God's tiniest angels? Some gave died by choice...an infinitely difficult circumstance to accept. Some have been taken away by grievous acts of violence. Some by way of accidents. And many through that insidious thief...cancer. Childhood cancer takes our most precious gems away at an alarming rate. Little Ronan Thompson was a gorgeous little boy with crystal blue eyes and sandy blond hair. He was the apple of everyone's eye. He was his older twin brothers' hero and best friend. One day, his mother noticed one of his eyes was a little droopy so they were checked from stem to stern. The dreadful diagnosis came and Ronan's parents learned he had Stage IV Neuroblastoma...an aggressive brain cancer. Ronan fought like a rockstar through chemo, radiation, and surgeries yet nothing could stop the steady growth. His mama whispered into his ear and told him, \"c'mon baby, fly away with me\". And he finally quit fighting. Ronan's parents created the Ronan Thompson Foundation to fund research on Neuroblastoma. His mother writes a blog that has chronicled life during his illness and what they are doing since he died. Taylor Swift wrote a song that will rip the heart right out of your chest. All proceeds have gone to Childhood Cancer research. There has to be a special place in Heaven for parents who have lost a child. I cannot imagine the pain you have gone through. I hold you all in my prayers.
\n\n\n?
\n\n\nListen to Ronan by Taylor Swift HERE.
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-08-25T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/08/25/i-love-you-to-the.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/07/01/north-clear-creek-falls.html", "title": "North Clear Creek Falls", "content_html": "\n\"David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground.\"
\n2 Samuel 12:16\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d814df3b44.jpg\")
On the road between Creede and Lake City, CO is an innocuous little turnoff for Clear Creek Falls. As you turn into the parking lot, you can see a small creek meandering through the fields. But come closer and you see a great gash in the earth and this small stream goes crashing headlong over the cliff with a mighty roar.
\n\n\nI can see a metaphor here for the changes that come in life, specifically loss. Life meanders along, still and smooth, till the ground drops out from under you and you are thrust over a cliff, landing on the rocks below. Life roars all around you with dizzying speed making you frightened to step from the relative safety of the rocks into the rapids below. But you have two choices because you can't go back up. You can buy real estate and stay in the dizzying roar of the falls. Or you can take a leap of faith and jump into the current. Your old life is back at the top of the falls. Your current situation has you in an uncomfortable position on the rock amidst the roar of the rushing water. And as scary as it may be, your new life after loss is waiting for you downstream. But, have faith. God/Spirit/Universe will catch you! Once that cleansing water rushes over you, you can have a beautiful new life filled with happiness and hope.
\n\n\nHere…take my hand. Let's jump in together, shall we?
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-07-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/07/01/north-clear-creek-falls.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Fear","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/27/morning-has-broken.html", "title": "Morning Has Broken", "content_html": "\n\"Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.\"
\nPsalm 42:7\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/fa9cbd14e7.jpg\")
One more day! My friends and I hit the road tomorrow for the Nelsonville Music Festival. I'm really excited…now. Yesterday morning? Not so much. Yesterday I was overwhelmed. I had a list a mile long. I knew I needed to go out to the farm for at least one, probably two loads. I have taken several loads to the local mission. I've donated to the church resale shop. I've taken four loads to family members. A friend is keeping a couple of paintings for me as well as Mr. Virgo's wall clock. I took at least five or six truck loads to another friend for storage. I'm so grateful they have the room and offered to help me out. So, I was faced with two trips out to the farm, a couple loads of laundry, and the list.
\n\n\nThe festival will be hot and crowded. I had a picture in my mind of campers crammed together like sardines with no method of escape. Three things that have bothered me in the past…heat, crowds, no escape. Then, on top of that, I need to be fresh to head west on Monday. Too much. Too, too much. I woke up at 4:00, overheated and queasy. I promptly texted my friend and said I couldn't go. I just wanted to hit the road. And in true friend fashion, she said…well, I can't post what she said. *grin* Suffice it to say, she did what we always do to each other. She virtually grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and said, \"Cut it out!\"
\n\n\nShe was right, of course. I was feeling overwhelmed and trying to unburden myself with one of three missions coming up. I couldn't let go of the stuff at the farm. It had to be moved, no question. I couldn't let go of Colorado. I need to see my babies. So the only thing to let go of was the music festival…something I've looked forward to for five months. When your head is spinning with worry, you can get stuck there, spinning forever like a forgotten 45. Fortunately for me, I have friends who won't let me get by with that crap. I love them for that.
\n\n\nWhat totally turned my head around was when my friend said… \"Nelsonville is not your enemy. Anxiety is!\" Bam! I snapped right out of it. It's amazing what the mind can do to you.
\n\n\nAnd now? Everything is off the farm!!! Downsized even further, yet it will be pruned further still in the fall. Now I'm looking at Nelsonville as my reward…and I can't wait! Today I have a zillion things to do before we leave tomorrow. Once I get to the music festival, I'm going to kick back and chill for four days!!! Yes!!!
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/27/morning-has-broken.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/05/11/crossing-over.html", "title": "Crossing Over", "content_html": "\n\"“Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place, that it might take the earth by the edges and shake the wicked out of it?\"
\nJob 38:12-13\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4bfc829579.jpg\")
I conquered a lifelong fear yesterday. I was raised by a woman who saved her baby sister from drowning when she herself could not swim. My mom was deathly afraid of water and kept us away from it at all costs. Therefore, I have feared water since my earliest memory. This fear caused problems for me. Besides the uncomfortable feelings of anxiety, fear kept me from enjoying the social aspect of water activities. When I had children of my own, I made sure they learned how to swim at a very young age.
\n\n\nAs I have aged, I've become far less fearful. I learned to sail a Hobie Cat in Mexico ten years ago. And yesterday I learned to kayak on the Ohio River. As I sat on the glassy surface, I thought to myself, \"Silly girl, you could have been doing this for YEARS!\" I told my friend afterwards that I want to paddle up this river for an hour every morning and float back down with my cup of coffee every day for the rest of my life. I never would have dreamed of doing this before Mr. Virgo died. This experience has emboldened me and made me face down some life long fears. They just fizzled in front of me.
\n\n\nI may be late to the party, but I'm making up for lost time!
\n\n\nWhat's next???
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n", "date_published": "2015-05-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/05/11/crossing-over.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Peaceful Moments"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/04/18/to-date-or-not-to.html", "title": "To Date or Not to Date?", "content_html": "\n\"I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side.\"
\nPsalm 3:6 NIV\n
![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/7efc71c81e.jpg\")
Who can possibly fill these shoes? This is a topic I've tap danced around some. I've dallied a little in the dating department. I've met a couple of wonderful men…men that I love dearly and consider to be close friends. I can call them day or night for company or conversation. So why don't I find myself feeling the kind of love for someone that would sustain a long term, exclusive, \"can't live without you\" relationship? I felt that love in the instant Mr. Virgo and I made eye contact. My old instincts would ask \"What's wrong with you? These are perfectly good men, kind hearted, gentle, loving, fun, funny. What are you waiting for?\" Well, it's interesting. It's like going out to photograph wildlife with poor vision. You can see the animal in your view finder, you can tell it's an animal and quite possibly that rare breed you're looking for, so you creep in closer. You step gently, stealing in quietly for a closer look. Hmmm…looks familiar, sounds familiar, acts a little like the one you're looking for. But then you get close enough to see and it's not the right one at all. The call is totally different. The coat similar but just not the same. Where did your animal go? Will you ever find another one or should you just be happy you saw one once and got a great picture of it?
\n\n\nThis is what dating has been like. Sort of like an interview for a job I'm not at all sure I really want. And at the same time I yearn for companionship. I miss hugs and holding hands and all that comes with having a significant other. I'm in Neverland. Never so sad as I was when I first lost him…never so happy as I was when I had him.
\n\n\nI'm finding an entirely different set of circumstances to consider this go 'round. I've already had three marriages and a couple of significant relationships in my life. Do I really want another one? Finances are a huge consideration now. Much bigger than when I was in my twenties. There are no guarantees in marriage. If I were to marry, I'd lose my ability to collect widow's benefits. One must be married for ten years to collect from your spouse's Social Security. If the marriage falls apart before that, and you were a stay-at-home mom who didn't contribute a lot to your SS account like I was, you're screwed, to put it bluntly. It's a dilemma many of us Boomer widows are facing. It leaves you with choices many would find unconscionable…like cohabitation. Or resignation to being alone for the rest of your life. Right now, I see merits in both scenarios. I have friends who have been widowed much longer than me and they tell me they went through the same thing but they got over it and can't imagine being in a significant relationship again.
\n\n\nI don't know. Maybe I'm just an incurable romantic. I love falling in love. I love a man's company…the security of his love and affection. Maybe there's a part of me that still feels I \"need\" a man in my life to be happy. Maybe I'm a little lonely. Maybe I'm a bit bored. Maybe I'm a tad frightened. Maybe it's only been two years since I lost Mr. Virgo and I just miss him. I'll always miss him. But I'm a pragmatist. He's not coming back. And even though those men out there don't look exactly like him when I get up close, they are worthy in their own right. I'm not ready to give up on love and companionship entirely. I just want it on my terms. So, I'll keep my options open, and keep my camera handy. You never know when the right specimen may show up in your sights. I just won't base my happiness on it. <3
\n\n\n\"In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.\" Psalm 4:8
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-04-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/04/18/to-date-or-not-to.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Love","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow","Memories","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/21/the-fairy-cottage.html", "title": "The Fairy Cottage", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/d83f069973.jpg\")
A couple of days ago I realized my stress level was getting out of hand. When we make proclamations to do good, we are often attacked by dark forces trying to counteract and regain balance. All energy in the universe has a counterbalance…light/dark, good/evil, Heaven/Hell. My IBS symptoms were raging and my anxiety was dangerously close to being triggered. I felt like I had tears stuck in my throat all the time. I was quickly letting things spiral out of control. To regain my balance, the first thing I did was reach out my hand and ask God to hang on to me and take this all away. The second thing I did was tell all dark energy to get away from me now. Then the third thing I did was invite all things light and good to come rushing back in to fill the void left by the vanishing darkness. Seriously, what had been going on for about 12 hours completely reversed in mere moments. It was astonishing. You have to understand…some of these things are totally new to me. I've never tried that before. I was bowled over that it worked. All I had to do…quite literally…was ask, and it was done. Then, of course…I had to say a hearty thank you!
\n\n\nIt is no surprise to you that I have been upset with my aunt these last few weeks. My whole world was turned upside down for me to come here to help her. If I would have known it would have lasted only 10 weeks, I never would have moved everything here. I never would have spent that money to move things here. I may not have bought such a big trailer. I don't know. But things would certainly have looked different right now. It's not those things that had me upset, however. It was something else entirely.
\n\n\nIn the late '70s, I read a book called Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. I started practicing this as a tool to combat a moderately severe anxiety disorder. In my meditations, the house out on the farm became my safe place…my happy place. In my anger and pain over things not working out the way I had the script written, I decided that my aunt had ruined my visualization. She \"took it away from me\" and I was mad. As you know, anger is the poison you take hoping it makes the other person sick. It just doesn't work that way. So I decided I needed to change my focus and walk toward the light.
\n\n\nI sat down and meditated. Mentally I created a large spool of silk strands of love and light that I could wrap all around my aunt so none of her negativity could escape. Then I built her a beautiful cottage, with every amenity she could possibly need. I packed every corner, floor to ceiling with smiles and laughter. I placed it over on the other side of the creek, away from the house, and I \"carried\" my aunt over there and put her inside. Then I made the water magic so no negative thing could ever cross back over to the house. My happy place, my safety zone was intact once more. Voila! My very-way-cool friend Vicky offered this insight…..This whole mess has very little to do with me, and everything to do with where my aunt is in HER life.
\n\n\nThe mind is a powerful thing. Prayer is a powerful thing. God coming to settle you down and displace the worries in your life? Man, that's an amazing thing…the MOST powerful thing. It is the cake. Everything else is just icing.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n\n\n\n\n\nBefore you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
\nPhilippians 4:7\n
(Image from Pinterest)
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/21/the-fairy-cottage.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/17/sick-day.html", "title": "Sick Day", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/264688d8fb.jpg\")
Darn it. Thursday night I was suddenly struck with an immensely awful GI bug. By 3:00am I nearly called someone to come take me to the ER. But I have a prescription for Zofran, the only anti nausea medicine I can take, so I just hung in there. I could hardly wait till 6:00 when the little restaurant downstairs opened. I called down and they met me at the door with four cans of Sierra Mist and a container of ice. Once I started sipping on that, things settled down. I stayed in bed all day yesterday. Fever, chills, headache. Yuck.
\n\n\nIt really sucks being sick. It really, REALLY sucks being sick alone. I slept most of the day. Remember when your mom took care of you when you were sick? That cool hand on your forehead was heaven! I only got sick a couple of times when I was with Mr. Virgo. He didn't have any patience when he was sick, but he took good care of me when I was. It's times like this I just want to go home….wherever THAT is.
\n\n\n?
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/17/sick-day.html", "tags": ["Health","Comfort","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/04/fragility.html", "title": "Fragility", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/4f72381285.jpg\")
Aging ain't for sissies. Neither is grief. One can feel amazingly strong and rock solid in one moment and fall apart in the next. The fragility of my heart surprises me every single time the switch gets flipped.
\n\n\nAs some of you may know, I have THE most awesome brother on the planet. He was born with cerebral palsy and has a resultant developmental disability. He is sweet, charming, funny, guileless. He lived at home with our mom until her unexpected death eleven years ago. He had never learned to do anything for himself. After mom died, he came to live near me in Colorado. He learned how to take care of himself and lives in as independent a setting as he can. He is my hero.
\n\n\nHe is also aging…rather quickly. He is more frail and shuffles along with a laborious gait. It tugs at my heart strings. Nobody…not even my beloved Mr. Virgo…owns as big a chunk of my heart as my brother. I have always been his champion, his protector.
\n\n\nNight before last, I was chatting with a friend of mine in Florida. We were laughing our butts off about something so silly, we had tears rolling down our cheeks. We remarked how delightful it is to let loose and belly laugh till you cry. It's good therapy. Then…I received a text from my ex-husband that my brother was in the hospital. I went from absolute high, to basement low in two seconds. It was such a shock to my system, I threw up. As it was happening, this analytical part of me was off to the side observing the whole situation with curiosity. How could the switch flip so quickly? I never used to react to situations so violently. I hate that feeling…anxiety and the loss of control. I'm usually good about reaching for my Rescue Remedy, which really does help. But for some reason, it didn't even cross my mind last night. So I rode that dragon till the wee small hours before dawn. I must buy several tubes of the spray variety of this magical elixir and leave them everywhere so it's easier to remember to use it. It doesn't work when it sits in the bottom of my purse.
\n\n\nAs it turns out, my brother just had a bad GI bug and they kept him over night. They gave him fluids and medications to stop the GI distress and he came home yesterday afternoon. He sounded good, but tired. It breaks my heart to watch him decline. It reminds me of the fragility of life. My ex is a doctor and says I should begin mentally preparing myself for the possibility of making a difficult decision regarding life support. I hate the thought, but it's something we all must consider at some point, I suppose. For now, I will focus on the love I can offer those who own a piece of my heart.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-04T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/04/fragility.html", "tags": ["Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Love","Fear","Aging","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/12/26/who-loves-ya-baby.html", "title": "Who Loves Ya, Baby?", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/3000a3bac7.jpg\")
I used to put so much stock in trying to make sure people liked me. When I think of all the times I jumped through hoops for approval, I cringe. I'd say it adds up to an awful lot of time wasted in angst over people, many whose names I no longer remember. This is one of the gifts that keep on giving from my starring roll in that blockbuster hit…\"The All American Dysfunctional Family\".
\n\n\nI've been tap dancing in a little reprise version lately and have been in deep meditation and prayer over it for the last three weeks. It seems my aunt does not share my taste in art. It seems I forgot to show her the painting before I hung it. Big mistake. In my defense, we did discuss said painting. We just didn't close the meeting. I thought it was a go. She thought we were waiting for a quorum.
\n\n\nUnfortunately, sometimes a mountain really does come from a molehill. (Just ask Molehill, WV what name they voted in as a change.) It started out as something small, then the next thing and the next till now there is trouble in paradise. Change does not come easily to a nearly 83 year old and turns out, 61 year olds have a little trouble too from time to time. It's looking like there will be a change in the living arrangements in WV before too long. I'm not going to go into the gory details. Suffice it to say, I am sad and disappointed. :-(
\n\n\nOn a lighter note, I had a perfectly lovely Christmas Eve. Dinner with friends, the candlelight service at church, a ride around looking at lights then back to their house for dessert. I stayed with a friend overnight and had a lovely breakfast Christmas morning. Went back to the farm and made sure my aunt had a good meal then headed to the Eastern Panhandle. I'm licking my wounds here for a couple of days. I'll keep you apprised.
\n\n\n❤
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-12-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/12/26/who-loves-ya-baby.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Fear","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/26/seriously.html", "title": "Seriously…", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/654cefdd77.jpg\")
This world scares me. I miss Mr. Virgo's strong arms around me more than ever, knowing I would be protected from all harm. Period. No questions. Now, there are tons of questions. Who is protecting me? Who will save us? God, of course, so I can rest in that. I am not delving into the issue of right or wrong here. Someone is always right. Someone is always wrong. Yin/yang. Light/dark. Good/evil. It has been this way forever. But, it's what we DO with that…how we react…that is the issue here. The human race is tired. We've been beaten up. Robbed of our peace by terror. Gone are the innocent Camelot years. I can feel the jagged energy in the world. It's harsh…like the static on a TV station you accidentally switch to and the sound is too loud. It's too loud for me, this world. It hurts…my ears, my head, my heart. I want to stand up and scream STOP! Stop it! You're hurting me. You're hurting my grandbabies. You're hurting us all.
\n\n\nI want to cry.
\n\n\nI don't have TV. I don't watch the news. I keep up by reading online, but the moving pictures on the evening news at my cousin's house last night struck terror in my heart. I wanted to switch it off, but I couldn't. I want to pretend it isn't happening, but that doesn't work. I want to erase the images of the burning and the looting, but I can't. You can't unring a bell.
\n\n\nSo, what CAN I do? I cannot change them, but I can pray for them. I cannot bring back the dead, but I can work for justice. I can learn, and read, and talk, and vote. But most of all…I can spread as much love throughout the world as I possibly can. I can hug everyone I meet and make sure they know they are loved. I can ask them to pay that forward. We are not so far gone that we cannot hold each other in love, standing strong in a sacred space. I will not be terrorized! They cannot steal my sense of peace! I will not fear the night! I will not run from my fellows! This can be a scary situation…or this can be the nadir of change. It is up to us. Do we join the angry rhetoric? Do we choose sides? Or do we remember humanity is essentially good and work from a space filled with love and compassion?
\n\n\nBreathe good into the world today. Pray for peace. <3
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/26/seriously.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Fear","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/21/the-ugly-side-of-grief.html", "title": "The Ugly Side of Grief", "content_html": "\n![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9aebf03710.jpg\")
Remember when you and I first started this journey? I told you I would speak from my heart. I would speak my truth as it is in the moment. I would tell you what it's like to walk this path and I told you that sometimes it wouldn't be pretty. Remember that? Well, I'm writing this at midnight and tonight is one of those nights that's just not pretty.
\n\n\nI woke up with a migraine Wednesday morning and didn't take the time to take care of myself as I would normally. My aunt had a doctor's appointment in the afternoon so we were gone for several hours. (I've managed to get 2.2 pounds on her tiny little frame by adding cream and cheese and eggs to a lot of her foods. That's a relief.) We got home and I fixed her supper. I really couldn't eat much and I went straight to bed. I slept a couple of hours and woke up. And the second phase of my migraine kicked in….GI symptoms.
\n\n\nGrief is hard work. Being sick is hard work. Being sick and grieving and feeling anxiety build up in you and knowing the only thing you can do is use Rescue Remedy and ride it out till morning? That's brutal. That opens all sorts of doors to thoughts better left for the light of day. When will this ever be over? Why did he have to die on me so soon? How am I ever going to find the strength to get through this? Is this what the rest of my life is going to look like? I've taken on a huge responsibility with my aunt's care. Have I bit off more than I can chew? Am I strong enough to get through this?
\n\n\nThat last question is the crux of the whole thing…am I strong enough to do this? If you look at my frail little human self with my fears and my anxieties and my grief, the answer is an unequivocal \"No…..not on my own.\" I could not have gotten where I am today if it weren't for my faith in a God much stronger than me. A God that will gladly carry every burden I have if I'll just remember to turn to Him and ask Him to carry them. I couldn't have made it this far without the countless prayers that have been offered up on my behalf. I hate the ugly underbelly of grief. The doubt and fear it stirs up in me scares me. And when I get scared, it's easy to go running down the dark corridors of my 2:00 mind, jiggling door knobs, frantically looking for a way out of this purgatory.
\n\n\nMy rational 8:00 mind will return after while. I'll get up and have coffee and the night will fade into memories of the many long nights of survival. And, until then, I will lay here in my comfy bed in my cold camper with my toasty electric blanket turned on high, and I will visualize sitting at the feet of God, my head on His knee, His hand stroking my brow, His love for me overflowing, His strength pouring into me, His gentle words of encouragement whispered into my ear. \"It's ok, baby girl. You fight hard and you get tired. You just rest in Me. I'll take care of you tonight and tomorrow things will look a whole lot different…you'll see. Trust Me.\"
\n\n\n<3
\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/21/the-ugly-side-of-grief.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/10/13/were-off-to-see-the.html", "title": "We're off to see the Wizard!", "content_html": "![\"tornado](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6940512498.jpg\")
“Tornado!”
There’s not much that scares me, but a tornado in the dark is one of them. I know it’s probably overkill, but I decided rather than sit up all night peering out the windows of a rocking tin can, I would get a nice cushy hotel room and take a bubble bath. Much better plan!
\n", "date_published": "2014-10-13T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/10/13/were-off-to-see-the.html", "tags": ["Travel","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","goRVing","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/11/073038.html", "title": "9/11/01", "content_html": "![\"change](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/a79401018f.jpg\")
“The Day The World Changed”
The day the world was forever changed. There are moments in life when something so monumentally shifts that it will be forever burned into our hearts and minds. We remember where we were, what we were doing, who we were with. JFK, Martin Luther King, Bobby Kennedy…all engraved within us.
\nSeptember 11th dawned a typical Colorado blue blaster day. I met my friend, Sue, for breakfast at the Wild Rose Bakery in Glenwood Springs. When she walked in, she asked if I had heard the news. Something about an airplane hitting one of the Twin Towers. We both pictured a small plane, perhaps a medical emergency resulting in an errant course. No one could possibly imagine a commercial flight being flown purposefully into occupied buildings, let alone two and a third driven to the ground. It wasn’t in our database. When we realized something serious was happening, Sue and I decided to go home and watch TV. We stayed there for days, weeks, months…stunned. We walked out into the streets and held each other. We offered comfort and were comforted. The world got a group hug. I remember such shock the first time I heard of a crime being committed after 9/11. Didn’t they realize we were mourning the results of heinous behavior? How DARE they!
\nThirteen years have passed. Heinous behavior continues to amaze us. ISIS wasn’t in our collective vocabulary a few months ago. Yet, here we are. Walking out on the street, hugging people. Let’s not forget what it felt like to draw near to others…to support and love each other. We must remember the fallen and the brave souls who went to their aid. We mustn’t forget our humanity, even in the face of monsters.
\nIt is Patriot’s Day. We must remember why.
\n", "date_published": "2014-09-11T01:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/11/073038.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Courage","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/02/oh-how-times-change.html", "title": "Oh, How Times Change", "content_html": "![\"photo\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/91cea3e768.jpg\")
“Commemorative Photo of 40”
Ok, who had a boudoir photo taken? They were all the rage in the ’90s. I had to have one! Partially because I’m such an….ummm, extrovert! But also because at any given moment, we are the youngest we will ever be. This was taken when I was turning 40. I wanted to memorialize that static moment in my life when everything was perfect. My marriage, my family. My body, my hair. I was in the best shape of my life. My little girl was 4. My big girl was 20. I remember lovely afternoons stitching with my girlfriends, not a care in the world. Planning dinner parties was a monumentous occasion. This was before the ravages of depression and Prozac took away my youth. My ex-husband kept this photo on the wall in his office. It was the Camelot years.
\nThen everything changed. I had three major surgeries in less than two years. I didn’t bounce back well. I started down the rabbit hole of depression and didn’t come back for ten years. When I got back, life had gone on without me and my marriage was over. My ex had taken this picture down and put it in a drawer in his desk. I didn’t look like that beautiful woman anymore. I didn’t bathe or get my hair done. I gained a hundred pounds. I lived in shorts and an oversized t-shirt without a bra. Those were the Prozac years. I don’t remember my forties.
\nThe story has a happy ending though. I turned my life around after my ex and I separated. I found my Prince Charming and married him. I had such a beautiful life. That was my fifties. Those were my passionate years.
\nAnd now, here I am at the opening credits of a new movie. A new decade. A new era. I am very much at peace. Sure, I suffered a blow. My world literally changed in a heartbeat…or the lack thereof, actually. But I refuse to wear widowhood like sackcloth and ashes. I will not make grief a career path. These are my halcyon years.
\nI look at this picture and as far as I’m concerned, I still look like this. Ok, my hair is gray (and not permed). Parts of my anatomy have headed south. Things aren’t as tight as they once were. I like to think my inner beauty was so great, it fought to get out and my skin expanded to accommodate all that lusciousness! Look at that picture again. That’s who I am inside. Beautiful. Sultry. Young. Wow!
\n", "date_published": "2014-09-02T01:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/02/oh-how-times-change.html", "tags": ["Family","Gratitude","Grace","God","Fear","Forgiveness","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/31/no-fear.html", "title": "No Fear", "content_html": "![\"fear](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/48a8e50d7b.jpg\")
“Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life.”
Ok, I have what appears to be a solid contract. I’m getting the ephemera down to a manageable level…key word - getting. Now it’s time to let go of my furniture. I have been very proud of my furniture. A few pieces were bought new. I have never had such good quality furniture in my life and there are pieces I love. Like the little round breakfast table and four chairs. And the red painted cabinet. The sofa is rich red and gold, down filled, huge, and comfy. While the bedroom set is way too big for the bedroom, it is beautiful and impressive…and from Mr. Virgo. But, these things can’t go with me. In order to take them, I would need to have them moved or make two trips or have someone drive my car with TOW-Wanda and I’d follow with a U-Haul. There are several reasons these are not viable options, the biggest of which are the expense involved and the lack of room in the farmhouse. Mine isn’t “farmhouse” furniture anyway.
\nThis leaves me with sorting out my feelings again…a never ending process on this journey. Of course I have an emotional attachment to my things. They are a part of the picture of my married life. They are the props to my life story with Mr. Virgo. But they are only things. Things of this world. Scripture tells us not to be in love with the things of the world….the material things. Because these things pass. They are fleeting. I am not defined by the objects I carry with me. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying comforts and beautiful things. But as the old adage goes…you can’t take it with ya. My kids are taking what they want and storing what they can for me, particularly a large tryptic painting we had commissioned, a curved front curio my uncle found in a barn, and my mom’s cedar chest. My roll top desk the same uncle gave me has gone to my ex-husband because he loved it so much and eventually one of the kids will get it so it stays in the family. I have invited people I know and love to see if there is anything they want to buy before I offer it to the public.
\nI am being particularly careful to NOT say things like “I’ll never have such nice furniture again.” because that is a direct order to the universe to deliver. Instead, I am opening my hands and letting go of the things I held onto so tightly. I’m letting go of them with love so they might bring joy to others. I am thanking God for letting me have the use of them for so long and for the money they will bring. This frees me of the burden of carrying them back and forth or the expense of storing them. It frees me of the worry that someone might break in and steal them. And I know the universe (which is to me, God) will provide for me and I will live in abundance no matter what situation I might find myself. Abundance is so much more than stuff. It’s the wealth of love, hope, strength, and courage in every situation. I may not have a ton of money, but I’m wealthy beyond belief! <3
\n", "date_published": "2014-08-31T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/31/no-fear.html", "tags": ["Fear","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/29/scrambled-brain-syndrome.html", "title": "Scrambled Brain Syndrome", "content_html": "![\"grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/2da9363f78.jpg\")
“Scrambled Brain Syndrome” aka “Grief Brain”
I swear, my brain is scrambled. I don’t hold onto info like I used to. I have to make lists. My decision making skills are practically non- existent. I feel strongly about something then two days later it’s something completely different. And, I don’t think it’s just me.
\nI have heard from countless widows who all say the same thing. Their thinker is broken. They make really poor decisions. They do things that are totally out of character. Research has shown that the IQ of a grieving person can drop to as low as the fourth grade. Add memory loss to that and it just isn’t a pretty picture. I mean, it’s certainly better than it was the first year. I honestly don’t remember great swaths of it. Which is nature’s way of protecting us, I suppose.
\nThe only thing I can do is force myself to stop and consider the big picture…something that has always challenged me. I am much too distracted by the sparklies of life. :-) I pray…a lot. I meditate. I sleep….much better than I ever have actually. I’m trying to eat better but it’s difficult when you’re committed to not dirty up your kitchen. I don’t exercise which I’m sure would help.
\nBTW…the buyers backed out of the contract on Wednesday. I didn’t cave to enough of their demands and that is fine with me. I received another offer yesterday and I’m negotiating. I’m much more savvy after that first experience. ;-)
\nSo, the roller coaster continues it’s journey and I’m in the front car with my arms in the air…scared to death but LOVING the ride!
\n", "date_published": "2014-08-29T01:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/29/scrambled-brain-syndrome.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Fear","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/19/hanging-on.html", "title": "Hanging On!", "content_html": "![\"roller](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/f0cd146b81.jpg\")
“Hanging On!”
This is what my life feels like right now but I’m hanging on for the ride! The home inspection yesterday was pretty darned nit picky as far as I was concerned. We shall see what the potential buyers say when the full report comes in. In the meantime, I need to get some windows replaced that are under warranty. I may not get out of here exactly when I thought but you never know! I’m praying hard over here! <3
\n", "date_published": "2014-08-19T01:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/19/hanging-on.html", "tags": ["Fear","Courage","Downsizing","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/14/sold.html", "title": "Sold!", "content_html": "![\"sold\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5383384f2e.jpg\")
“Sold!”
Yesssssssss! Sold the house! They will have an inspector come in and once that clears, I’m good to go. September 11th closing. My sweet brother’s birthday is September 12th. I want to have a BIG going away party on the 13th and then I’m out of here!!!!!!! OMGosh! I’m on cloud nine!
\n(happy dance
\n", "date_published": "2014-08-14T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/14/sold.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Fear","Courage","Downsizing","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/07/02/building-a-lifeone-word-at.html", "title": "Building a Life...One Word at a Time", "content_html": "![\"labrynth\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b7e82a578f.jpg\")
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
I have been on retreat for the last few days with my dear sister/friend, Sue. I have also been struggling a little lately. Nothing major, just par for the course on the long road of life. A particularly bumpy spot but not totally unexpected given the stressors I’m working with.
\nThe day I arrived, I walked through the midden pile and spotted a couple particularly beautiful painted potsherds on the ground. Even though I know better than to disturb them, I picked them up…marveling at the fact they were over 800 years old, hand built by the “Ancient Ones”. I slipped them in my pocket without thinking and at the end of the day, I found them resting on the counter of TOW-Wanda’s little kitchen.
\nI didn’t sleep well that night. The next day we hiked and had a grand day, but at nightfall, I found myself ill. All day Monday I was disturbed by something. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what was wrong. Tuesday morning, while feeling a bit better physically, I just didn’t feel right. Agitated, antsy, anxious…all I wanted to do was hook up TOW-Wanda and get out of town. I texted Sue and told her my plans had changed, I couldn’t settle my mind and write so I was moving on. Sue, in her Earth-Mother wisdom said, “Soon, you must lite somewhere and write this book. I will love you and support any decision you make, but I’m going to start kicking you in the butt a little bit. But first, go walk the labyrinth.”
\nI packed up, hooked up TOW-Wanda, and even though it was already in the 90’s, I headed for the back pasture to walk the labyrinth. For those who are unfamiliar, a labyrinth is a walking meditation. A path is walked slowly with intention as you wend your way toward the “center of the universe”. You can present a thought, a question, a problem to the universe and walk to the center where you may be presented with an answer. By the time you wend your way out, if the answer still feels good, you can go with that. My question was “What is wrong with me? What is bothering me and making me feel so unsettled?” Then I began to walk. After 30 seconds or so, you begin to relax, your focus becomes centered on the rhythmic crunch of your shoes on the ground, and by the time you reach the center, you are really open and paying attention. As I stood still in the “center of the universe” I was given a very clear message. “You must put them back.” I knew immediately what this was about. I was NOT supposed to take the potsherds away. The spirits here want what is theirs. When I emerged from the other side of the labyrinth, the message was even clearer. I went back to the trailer and rummaged around to find the beautiful potsherds and carried them back to the midden pile. I ceremoniously deposited them beneath a sage bush and immediately felt fine. No anxiety, no agitation…only peaceful stillness. It was amazing!
\nI thought back over Sue’s words. “Soon you must lite and write this book.” For the most part, it is written…it’s just making myself sit down and put it together. Over lunch yesterday, I told Sue that I knew she was right. I also knew I was putting it off because it’s not pretty diving back into the pain of the last year. I’ll be at the family farm in West Virginia soon. It’s the home of my heart. I made a commitment to Sue, and myself, to spend that time writing…pulling things together while the emotion is still fresh…while the words are richer and closer to the source.
\nI can dream of a house I will build. I can walk through it in my mind and see, feel, smell each room. But, until I pick up the hammer, it’s all just a dream. The time has come to pick up my hammer and get this done. I will be out of cell range for three weeks from July 13th to August 4th. You and I will be disconnected for the first time in a year and a half. But I need to do this. Thank you in advance for your support and love while I journey a little while on my own. I love you all.
\n", "date_published": "2014-07-02T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/07/02/building-a-lifeone-word-at.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure","Growth","Fear","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/10/breathe.html", "title": "Breathe", "content_html": "![\"feather](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/01d7656c6a.jpg\")
“Breathe”
The thought that my love was once in a lifetime paralyzed me. It made me so sad to think I could never have that again. Then I remembered….I didn’t pass the clairvoyance test and I have no earthly idea what the future holds for me. Am I destined to be alone and sad and lonely and miserable for the rest of my life? Heck no. I am destined to remind myself that my HUSBAND died…I didn’t. I have an obligation here…I OWE it to him to live those days of life that he was deprived of. I owe it to my children and my grandchildren to go out and do something with my life and show them how to be a widow because someday it may be them and I want them to be prepared. And I owe it to myself to live every day of my life. Actually LIVE it…and I can’t do that if I look backwards all the time. Do I miss my man? Hell yes! Would I give my right arm to have him back? You bet your sweet patootie! But that ain’t gonna happen so I’m makin’ lemonade here as fast as I can. Everyone’s grief is different. I honor that. My heart goes out to anyone going through this because it’s the suckiest thing I have ever done and I am sure it is for everyone else. My life, my future is in God’s hands but I’ll be darned if I’m just going sit and cry every day for what’s left of it! Feeling determined!
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-10T01:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/10/breathe.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/08/the-death-whisperer.html", "title": "The Death Whisperer", "content_html": "![\"Maya](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e8b80fd236.jpg\")
Maya Angelou meme
We face loss…real, imaginary, potential…every day of our lives. Often the topic death resides just out of reach in our minds. We know it’s lurking in the shadows, but there is so much more to occupy us that we turn away. But what happens when the whole world is dark? When there is no bright and shining path to lead us forward? When you see no way out of your pain? When mistakes made seem insurmountable and things are only going from bad to worse? Far too often, these lost souls choose to end their lives rather than go on. They whisper secrets to Death hoping he’ll be their friend and carry them away from their pain.
\nWe all know of someone who has chosen this path. A death by suicide leaves the survivors at a loss. It is an entirely different grief. It is untimely, unseemly, confusing. We lay guilt and blame on the table hoping to make sense of the hand that was dealt.
\nThere are so many questions, but try as you might, you will never understand what was going through the mind of the loved one lost. You will ask yourself questions like “Didn’t they love me?” Or “Didn’t they think of those that love them?” In that moment, you are lost. You have blinders on and can see nothing or think of nothing, or no one. You are in such a dark, tiny painful place that the only thing you want is to escape. It is a hopeless, helpless place to be.
\nI have great compassion for these lost souls. I understand them. I cannot blame them, because they honestly can’t consider any alternative. I have even greater compassion for those left behind searching for answers.
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-08T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/08/the-death-whisperer.html", "tags": ["Grief","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/06/01/being-alone.html", "title": "Being Alone", "content_html": "![\"being](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e4d860a761.jpg\")
“Being Alone”
I am “off the grid” for a few days of R&R with some girlfriends. No water, no electric, no cell service for 30 miles. Bliss!
\nToday’s post is about becoming comfortable with being alone. Man, this is a tough one. When you are the one who has been left behind, be it through divorce or death, you go through a myriad of emotions and it isn’t pretty.
\nI ran into a couple of women at Starbuck’s this morning. I’ve known them both for 28 years. One lost her husband about 22 years ago and the other lost hers last month. It was comforting to sit with them and see how far I’ve come (as compared to the newly widowed one) and that I’m going to be fine in the future (as demonstrated by the other one).
\nI miss Mr. Virgo’s company. And, I’m beginning to enjoy my own. It’s ok to say that. It’s ok to enjoy heading off for a camping trip with the girls and not feel guilty that I’m leaving Mr. Virgo alone at home. It doesn’t mean I love him less. It’s ok that I’m relieved I don’t have to cook every single night if I don’t want to. It doesn’t mean I didn’t love doing it for him. What it means is very simple. It means that I am perfectly capable of loving myself, of entertaining myself, of taking care of myself. This is not only a healthy thing…it makes it more appealing for others to be around me and it offers me new opportunities to get to know more people. It doesn’t mean I’m happy about the circumstances surrounding the cause for being alone. But it is what it is. Mr. Virgo would come back to haunt me if I didn’t move forward.
\nIt has taken me a long time to get to this point. It hasn’t been easy and there are still some potholes in this broken road. We can’t compare our journey to someone else’s. All we can do is lay down at night and say, “Lord, I did my best today. I’ll try again tomorrow!”
\n<3
\n", "date_published": "2014-06-01T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/06/01/being-alone.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Grace","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/05/30/getting-started.html", "title": "Getting Started", "content_html": "![\"getting](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/9a9dcaa730.jpg\")
“Getting Started”
I am “off the grid” for a few days of R&R with some girlfriends. No water, no electric, no cell service for 30 miles. Bliss!
\nToday’s post is about getting started. Do you ever find yourself with a massive project to do and it’s so huge, it’s overwhelming to look at? Do you feel frozen in place? What do you do to get motivated to take that first step?
\nA friend of mine recently reached a goal of walking 1,000 miles. When she started, she was 35 pounds or so heavier. She had to have wondered how on earth she was going to walk a thousand miles! That’s like….a LOT! But, she put on her walking shoes and started slowly, gradually working her way up to 4 miles a day. She wrote her total to date on a page from Joel Osteen’s devotional and posted it to her FB page. It was amazing to watch as she posted her daily journey and watching her transform. (Congratulations, Valerie!)
\nI hadn’t given downsizing and moving a thought till Easter Sunday. And now, here I am up to my armpits in alligators. It was SO hard to let go and dive in because it meant letting go of a lot of other things, too. Everyone…every single person on this earth has lost someone they love more than life itself. It sucks. It really, really does. And every single one of those people left behind will deal with it in their own way. There’s no right way or wrong way. I will say this though….I know personally, if I don’t take that uncomfortable, scary, intimidating, exhausting, resentful, angry first step, I’m going to stay hanging on this monkey bar forever and “ain’t nobody got time for that”.
\nStop looking at the forest, or even the tree…pick a low branch and climb up. Tomorrow, choose another one. Before you know it, your view is going to be a lot farther and a lot prettier. And if you can’t do that, ask for help. We’re all in this thing together…no one is really and truly alone.
\n<3
\n", "date_published": "2014-05-30T01:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/05/30/getting-started.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Fear","Courage","Downsizing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/05/15/in-the-moment.html", "title": "In the Moment", "content_html": "![\"zen](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/b08619c63e.jpg\")
“In the Moment”
This is my point of reference in the coming weeks. Trying to see myself down the road is overwhelming. Trying to remember where I’ve been is painful. Reminding myself that I only have this moment keeps me centered and focused. I will work and live in this moment and all other moments will take care of themselves. Feeling pretty zen-like at the moment with a load of stuff in the car to be distributed. :-)
\n", "date_published": "2014-05-15T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/05/15/in-the-moment.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Fear","Courage","Downsizing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/05/04/conviction.html", "title": "Conviction", "content_html": "![\"confucius](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/25601b729f.jpg\")
“Conviction”
When we travel through life on autopilot, we do ourselves a disservice. We deny ourselves the real experience of living out loud, with gusto…with conviction. We need to live life like we mean it, like this is the only day we have…because it is. I have friends who have lost loved ones recently. One is in her 40’s with three little ones under 7 and lost her husband suddenly. He was 42. My loss was great. Her loss…what words can you say?
\nNo death is easy, but these “snatch deaths” are brutal. They’re there. Then they’re not. Just like that. I don’t claim to understand why. None of us can. Oh, we can intellectualize, sure. We can point out poor life choices. We can blame it on genetics. We can look at the bottom line truth of biology. We can turn to our faith and say God needed our loved one more that we did…it “was his time”. I wish I had some words of wisdom, some token of comfort today. But, today is just one of those days that I’m frustrated with my loss. I have made the decision to sell the house and move but the amount of work that it is going to take has me sitting scratching my head, wondering where on earth to start. I hate that feeling of paralysis knowing full well all it takes is making that first step…cutting things into bite sized pieces. I know how. I’ve done it a hundred times. And I also know myself well enough to know these things can’t be forced. I will sit with it in my lap and the motivation will hit me like a tidal wave. I just have to sit quietly with it and remind myself that I have control. I can make choices. I am not stuck or frozen. I am plugged in, like my cellphone, charging up and when the line hits green…I’ll run like my pants are on fire. Until then, I will be patient. I will wait.
\n", "date_published": "2014-05-04T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/05/04/conviction.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Grace","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/26/a-fork-in-the-road.html", "title": "A Fork in the Road", "content_html": "![\"a](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/ea65864d70.jpg\")
“A Fork in the Road”
We have all found ourselves here many, many times in our lives. We’ve made choices and sometimes they are good, sometimes not so much. I’ve never stood at this spot with such trepidation as I have since losing Mr. Virgo. I have never had to make decisions all by myself. It’s daunting to say the least. What should I do about retirement? Should I keep the big house or downsize? What am I going to do about an income? Where am I heading? Who would take care of me if something unforeseen happens? Should I have another relationship? Do I want to grow old alone?
\nThese questions, and a million others can result in a certain kind of paralysis. Sitting and spinning and feel stuck doesn’t feel good and sometimes it’s the smallest of things that can help get you down off the fence. Other times it takes a veritable earthquake to shake you out of this self-imposed stagnation. For me, it happened this week when I was visiting my family and saw firsthand what they are going through juggling everything. I can be of much more help to them if I don’t live three hours away so I’m investigating selling the big mountain house and downsizing to something much more affordable near the kids. It just makes sense all the way around. And it’s amazing how just making the decision to investigate has freed me from the chains of my indecisiveness and helps me take a deep breath.
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-26T01:30:32-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/26/a-fork-in-the-road.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","New Ideas","Grace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/11/some-days.html", "title": "Some Days...", "content_html": "![\"difficult](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/13df551d24.jpg\")
“Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.”
Some days are easy, some not so much. And some vacillate back and forth so much you feel like a waffle by the time it’s over. Up, down, up, down…those days can wreak emotional havoc. Yesterday was like that. Coffee with the girls…up. Chiropractor (plantar fasciitis)…down. Phone call with daughter…up. Carotid imaging for cardiac screening (memories of Mr. Virgo)…down. Play with the neighbor’s dog…up. Facing the mess post-vacation…down. Talking with friends…up. Headache…down. Visiting with a gal who follows my blog who, like most of you, just stumbled upon it and finding out she lives 8 miles from my grandparent’s farm and we are more than likely related on my mom’s side…priceless.
\n(Six Degrees of Separation. It is a small world. I once was traveling through JFK Airport when I stopped in the facilities. There was a woman at the sink that I worked with in Denver! It was kind of funny though because we had just spoken a couple of days before and she never mentioned she was traveling as well. I greeted her and went for the greeting hug and she pulled back with a look of concern. I was puzzled. Then I realized she LOOKED just like my friend, but not exactly. Something was off. Come to find out, she was my friend’s twin sister!)
\nWe travel a lot of roads in life. Some are easy, some are not. And sometimes the greatest view is at the end of the roughest terrain. You just have to hang in there till you get past the tough parts.
\n", "date_published": "2014-04-11T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/11/some-days.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Grace","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/19/out-and-about.html", "title": "Out and About", "content_html": "![\"dinner](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/32b5954329.jpg\")
“Dinner with Friends”
One of my dear readers told me the other day that she couldn’t go out for dinner by herself. She gets take out and goes home to eat alone. I understand that. It’s hard to be one in a world built for two. It can be intimidating to go out alone. I was married to a busy doctor for a long time so I was used to going out without him. Of course, I had a child with me, but it set a pattern. This served me well as I now have no problem going anywhere alone. My advice to my gentle reader was to take baby steps. Find an area coffee shop and take a good book. Even better, find a book store with a coffee shop in it. There’s bound to be plenty of people around and they will never notice you are unaccompanied. Sit near a window so you can daydream and people watch to keep your mind occupied. Carry enough cash with you to cover the bill and tip in case you can’t take it and have to make a dash for it. Try to do this at least once a week and don’t go to the same shop more than twice in a row. This will start a pattern of seeking new and interesting surroundings. You can go to a movie or a great art gallery alone. People do it all the time. Until you get brave enough to go at night, afternoons are perfect.
\nMy problem is forgetting who I can call to join me when I would like company. I went to a poetry reading the other night. I was sitting at dinner, alone, when I sent a friend a text to see if she was going. She wasn’t going to go but said if I would, she would. I hadn’t seen her in years and she suggested calling her to have dinner next time. I’m going to make a note on my iPhone of the names and numbers of friends I can call when I want company. It’s less intimidating than the contact list.
\nSo, get out there, sunshine! One little baby step at a time, till you’re going on a grand adventure of your own!
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-19T02:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/19/out-and-about.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Grace","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/17/money.html", "title": "Money", "content_html": "![\"writing](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/63e483ab91.jpg\")
“Money”
Is it just me or does this subject scare you to death, too? It seems like no matter how tight I draw the purse strings, money falls through my fingers faster than I would like. I’ve never been the best money manager and now I’m in a position where I have to learn what I really should have learned years ago. I’ll admit it…I’ve been a princess in the past and was pampered for far too long. I’ve been on food stamps living in HUD housing and I’ve been a wealthy doctor’s wife. I’ve been everywhere in between so I know I will survive under any conditions because God always provides me with exactly what I need. I’d just like to preserve what I have for as long as I can and leave something to my children and grandchildren. I am blessed…I am grateful. But at times, I get really frustrated…like today.
\nA few weeks after Mr. Virgo died, I cancelled his cell phone. He was under my account on our family plan. When I cancelled, I received the usual condolences but no one said anything about a Diamond Wireless contract. This is the loss insurance company. Mr. Virgo is the one who got the phone. He signed the papers. But a few weeks after canceling his number I received a letter from an attorney attempting to collect a bad debt. No phone calls, no communication of any kind. I called and they said since I cancelled within 180 days of him receiving the phone, I owed them a cancellation fee of over $500. I calmly explained the situation and they calmly explained to me that they were very sorry for my loss but a contract is a contract and it’s under my name. I took the letter to my attorney and she said she would send a letter and not to pay anything like that.
\nI thought that was the end of it till last week when I received another letter stating they were offering me a one-time chance of amnesty before they go to the court and put a tax lien on my house. This isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve received this threat before from other companies. And to be perfectly honest, it would cost me more in attorney’s fees than to just pay the darned thing and I think they know that. They are also well aware that we, as widows, don’t necessarily have the strength in us to fight these things. It is demoralizing to get a letter such as this. It is frustrating. It’s just one more reminder…“Yeah, well…we’re really sorry but the bottom line is, it’s all about the money.”
\nI paid it. It pisses me off, but that’s what the life insurance is for. Here it is, a year later and I still have to deal with this stuff. Will it ever be over?
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-17T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/17/money.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/09/glorification.html", "title": "Glorification", "content_html": "![\"glorifying](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/6d4a9252fc.jpg\")
“As part of my healing, I had to stop ‘glorifying’ my husband and list the things about him that irritated me.” Sue
In order to justify some decisions I was making not too long after Mr. Virgo died, I started talkin’ smack about my man. I know now what that was all about. Psychologically, it is easier if you don’t miss someone and the quickest way to not miss them is to find fault. The opposite of that is glorification.
\nI’m not kidding when I tell you Mr. Virgo was perfect because he was perfect for ME. We never raised our voices to one another, not once in over seven years. That is remarkable. He gave me just the right amount of attention without suffocating me. He gave me the kind of affection that made me feel his love without being clingy. I read a meme the other day that said a woman needs a man that will ruin her lipstick, not her mascara. That was Mr. Virgo. He never made me cry…not once. Well, until he died on me.
\nThat being said, he wasn’t perfect. I could NOT get him to take a night off from the television and just talk or play a game. We ate every meal at the coffee table in front of that $&@!#%@ television that had to be blaring in order for him to hear it. He pouted for days if I left to visit the kids because he didn’t get to go. He wanted me to be sitting beside him watching the same show so we could discuss it during the commercials. Argh! He had to eat three substantial meals a day on his days off to the point that I felt we were eating all the time. My weight ballooned because he didn’t like it if I didn’t eat with him. He was a Virgo and I am a Gemini. He sorted his closet by color…you can barely shut the door on mine. I made piles. This made him crazy. It took him FOREVER to get ready to go someplace. All those good looks and that “Polo polish” came at a price and he did NOT like to feel rushed.
\nAt some point in your grief, you need to have a heart to heart talk with yourself and examine your loved one critically. Let yourself feel ok about your feelings. No one is perfect, with the exception of God and an innocent child. It’s ok to look at your loved one with a critical eye. It does not mean you didn’t just flat out adore them when they were here. It means, in order to make progress on your grief journey, you have to be realistic. That doesn’t make you a bad person. That makes you a healthy person.
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/09/glorification.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Fear","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/02/seek-balance.html", "title": "Seek Balance", "content_html": "![\"balancing](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/5de8dc6a81.jpg\")
“Seek Balance”
I did not learn to ski till I was 33. It was the first year my ex-husband was in his new medical practice and I was lucky enough to be a stay at home mom. We lived 15 minutes from the ski area, so I would get my housework done, run up and ski a few runs, then head back to the house to start supper and be available when my daughter got home from school.
\nI was scared to death. I don’t like heights. I don’t like cold. I don’t particularly like strenuous sports. But my family did so I was bound and determined to learn. I signed up for a class through the local community college. It was really affordable and met two days per week. Perfect. The problem came when everyone else in the class advanced much quicker than me. I didn’t like being left behind so I really pushed myself, but I was panic stricken every time I headed down a run.
\nOne of the techniques used in nearly every run is to lean forward out over the point of balance and turn away from the mountain. This is totally counterintuitive and I couldn’t grasp it. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was turn out over that edge because I was sure I would die.
\nIt took a good deal of practice and several private lessons with a very patient instructor before I became a competent skier. In looking back, I realize much of life is like a good ski run. You have to lean forward past your comfort zone. You have to turn away from certain safety and seek a balance that let’s you soar in a way that is the closest to flying you can attain with your feet still on the ground. When you find that balance, do all you can to keep yourself there for within it lies peace.
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-02T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/02/seek-balance.html", "tags": ["Comfort","Wisdom","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/02/premonitions.html", "title": "Premonitions", "content_html": "![\"grief](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/359157299c.jpg\")
No one ever told me grief felt so much like fear. CS Lewis"
I sat bolt upright in bed, my heart racing, that not totally unfamiliar creepy-crawly feeling on the back of my arms from the adrenalin. What was it? A sound? A dream? A dream…yes. And a bad one. Another bad one. I turned to my right and he was there, resting peacefully, one arm carelessly slung above his head. Mr. Virgo’s chest rose and fell with the rhythm of deep sleep. I realized I was holding my breath. I sighed, let the tension release from my shoulders and headed for the kitchen. In the dim light, I saw it was 2 o’clock. The moon was a waning crescent…just a sliver hanging in the cold March night. I ran a glass of water and stared out the window.
\nThese dreams started the week before. They were all the same. I was on the phone telling people that Mr. Virgo was gone. Dead. Just…gone. I felt the sting of tears behind my eyes then reminded myself, it was just a dream, Ginny. Go back to bed. So, I did.
\nOn Monday, March 11th, Mr. Virgo was especially tired. He took a nap on the couch and as I walked by, his mouth was gaped wide open.
\n“This is how he will look when he’s dead.”
\nJesus. Where did THAT come from? My grandma used to say “I felt a goose walk over my grave.” I wanted to shake him to make sure he was alive. I let him sleep.
\nOn Tuesday, March 12th, we drove to Grand Junction to look at travel trailers. On the way down we held hands. He lifted mine up and looked at his wrist.
\n“Huh…I forgot to wear my watch this morning.”
\nMy heart leapt to my throat as a thought popped clearly into my head.
\n“Oh, my God….he’s going to die today!”
\nI swerved a little. He didn’t notice. I looked over at him in alarm. He was fine. He was telling me something about the Civil War. He was a history buff. He caught me looking at him and smiled. He told me he loved me.
\nWhat was I supposed to say? “We need to stop at the store on the way home, honey. And oh, by the way, I’ve been dreaming you’re going to die. Probably today, because you didn’t wear your watch.” I was helpless. I prayed for God to protect him. I prayed I was crazy. I bargained and told God He could have me. Or I’ll take the Ford back and we won’t buy a trailer. Anything. But the clock kept ticking and Mr. Virgo inched ever closer to his fate. There was nothing any of us could have done to stop it.
\nAnd four hours later he was, indeed, gone.
\n", "date_published": "2014-02-02T02:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/02/premonitions.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/12/04/grumpy.html", "title": "Grumpy", "content_html": "![\"\"](\"https://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/uploads/2026/e73a6aa485.jpg\")
Okay…we’re going to totally shift gears here. I know I come across a lot of the time as this little earth mother spouting grace and wisdom and love and light but I’m not feeling it right now. How many of you have lost your spouse, in one way or another, and now you are on your own and you couldn’t find the jumper cables and had to go to the hardware store after an already full day so you could jump the car in the driveway and move it before the major winter storm which is now raging out there with a foot of snow on the ground and much more coming and you worked all day only to come home at 25 miles per hour to an empty, cold house and a snow shovel with your name…and your name ONLY…on it?! Show of hands? Okay, now….how many of you got so mad at him for dying on you that you could just spit nails? I hope to high heavens it’s not just me. I know that anger is one of the stages of grief and I also know there is no timetable as to when that bad boy is going to show up! I was stunned at the rage that just boiled up in me while I was trying to push the snow off the driveway when I was already tired from a long day at the office. The thing I’m most angry about is, that if he hadn’t smoked, he might have lived longer and not left me alone to do everything by myself. So I shoveled enough to clear the front sidewalk and a path up to the door. I called my lawn sprinkler dude and begged him to go into the snow removal business. (He’ll be here tomorrow…yay! I think I scared him! lol) And I came in and drew a hot bath. I’ve settled down now, for the most part. But, you know what? Sometimes this just stinks and you gotta blow off some steam and move on. I can guarantee you one thing…the big yellow ball in the sky will come up again tomorrow and the world will look a lot brighter. Well…literally, it will. It’s snowing, remember?
Happy “First-Really-Big-Snowfall-of-the-year” Day!
\n", "date_published": "2013-12-04T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/12/04/grumpy.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Anger","Fear"] } ] }