{ "version": "https://jsonfeed.org/version/1", "title": "God on Marshmallow Ranch", "icon": "https://avatars.micro.blog/avatars/2026/36/1962506.jpg", "home_page_url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/", "feed_url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/feed.json", "items": [ { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/06/27/when-your-first-friend-dies.html", "title": "When Your First Friend Dies", "content_html": "\n
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Lisa married me and Mr. FixIt. Forgive me for cropping him out of the picture. His name and his image are mine. I only share stories about him here.
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We were in second grade together. I’d rarely seen a black child before. We met in the line to wash our hands before lunch. I had terrible anxiety, and our teacher didn’t much care for me. She sent my anxiety through the roof to the point I could not eat. And if I didn’t eat, she held back my tray to show my mom when she came to pick me up after school. Mrs. Alexander crossed her arms over her chest and scowled whenever she looked at me.

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As I stood in line to wash my hands that day, I prayed quietly. I asked God to please settle my stomach so I could eat and not get into trouble anymore. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and this little round chocolate-brown face met me with concern. Her name was Lisa.

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“Are you praying?” she asked.

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“Yes. Mrs. Alexander scares me, and I can’t eat. Then I get in trouble every day after school.”

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“Well,” she said with a firm confidence I knew little about. “I’ll pray with you!”

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So, she wrapped her little arm around my shoulders, and we prayed together that God would make me feel better so I could eat. After that, I knew God was always with me and I didn’t need to be afraid because my new friend Lisa would pray with me as many times as necessary till I got through second grade.

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As it turned out, my parents bought a house in another school district, so I didn’t see Lisa again till high school. By that time, we had our circle of friends, and we didn’t really connect till many years later at high school reunions. Eventually, I moved back to my home state of West Virginia and started getting together with Lisa. She had become a pastor and worked with several churches in the area and with Urban Ministries in town. Lisa joined our Divas do Coffee group, and we all enjoyed her stories and warm presence.

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Lisa was funny, yet she didn’t mince words. If you needed correcting, she didn’t care who you were or what the social norms were. You got corrected. She was also the humblest human I’d ever met. She never tooted her own horn. She always made sure those who were considered the fringe of society knew they were loved.

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Lisa died the other day. She was diagnosed with advanced cancer in September 2024. Lisa chose to go on Hospice to maintain quality of life instead of quantity. Her beautiful family put a hospital bed in her daughter’s den where she could watch the comings and goings of her grandchildren and love on them all she could. Occasionally, her daughter would record a video at Lisa’s request. On it, she reassured us all that she was doing fine. She told us she knew where she was going, and it would be glorious to walk with Jesus.

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Lisa never really had much. She worked hard and raised an amazing family, living in the same town where she grew up. She lived in an older neighborhood because that was home. Lisa didn’t put up with any shenanigans from folks who may not have had her best interests at heart. She wasn’t afraid because she knew Jesus resided in her house, so there was nothing to worry about.

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Our friend was in a terrible accident years ago. She stepped out into the street in front of her church. The sun’s glare in her eyes blocked her view of the car that could not stop. She was gravely injured, and the family was called in to say goodbye. Lisa was a strong woman with a lot of fight in her, and she recovered… unfortunately, with memory loss, back and spinal pain that stayed with her the rest of her life. She worked and did amazing things in this town. There was a settlement after the accident, but she did something special with it that she didn’t reveal to anyone.

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I spoke with her daughter at the funeral home yesterday. It turns out that Lisa, in her humble way, created an endowment that would help support the Urban Ministries in perpetuity. No one in her family had any idea she had done this. It was a lesson for all of us in humility, love for your fellow man, and living like Jesus. None of us was surprised by the generosity coming from our stout little friend. It just makes us love her even more and makes her family very proud.

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Miss Lisa, you were a peach, and we’ll miss you! We’ll see you in Heaven!!!

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💜

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Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 1 Peter 5:6 ESV

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***Gratitude Journal***   Today, I am grateful for the friendship I had with Lisa and that she’s singing and praising Jesus in His presence…right…this…minute. I’m grateful for her gentle lessons in humility and the way she jumped out of her chair and danced around the room when I told her Mr. FixIt and I were getting married. “Perfect! A perfect match!!! This is exactly what I wanted for you two.”
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I padded into the kitchen at around 8:30 yesterday morning. I turned on the teakettle and emptied the dishwasher while it heated. I watched a little hummingbird hovering around the feeder. We haven’t seen very many this year. We need more feeders. I also want to put out bird houses. The Carolina Chickadee and the House Martin abandoned the little birdhouses in the backyard. I think there was too much activity for them. I’d like to set some posts in the pollinator gardens with birdhouses to offer more nesting spots.

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When the water boiled, I fixed my cup of RYZE mushroom coffee and settled in the Big Red Chair to wait for Mr. FixIt to get moving. I turned on the television and opened YouTube. I’m almost finished with the class Sue Becker did on baking with Fresh Milled Flour. It’s informative and has answered some questions I’ve had. She has an Ankarsrum Mixer that I would LOVE to have. I watched her kneading the dough, and it looked much better than my Kitchen Aid Pro. The problem is it’s $749.95 online! Yikes!!! Maybe someday.

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When Mr. FixIt was settled in HIS Big Red Chair, I headed to the kitchen to make breakfast. I found a recipe in Sue’s cookbook for Basic Multi-Grain Pancakes. I got all the ingredients in place, and when it was time to add the flour, I poured the necessary amount of wheat berries in the NutriMill. I used half Soft White Wheat and half Spelt grains. It took less than thirty seconds to grind the flour. I added the salt and baking powder to the freshly milled flour, whisked it together, and poured it in the bowl on top of the combined wet ingredients. You don’t want to stir too much when you’re making quick breads like pancakes, muffins, and cakes or you can develop the gluten and they get tough.

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I had pancakes on the griddle less than two minutes after grinding. OMGosh! I’m not sure I can explain how amazing they were! I’m telling you, it’s like I never knew flour had FLAVOR. My tastebuds were doing the tango! I will use up the commercial flour I have by baking for others. But I’m hooked on fresh-milled flour. Oh, and. Mr. FixIt told me THREE times how good those pancakes were! We’ve got a winner, folks!

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Mr. FixIt went out and mowed the fenced-in part of the yard while I cleaned house. It looked like it was going to rain, so I went out to the garden to trim back the yellowing leaves and fertilize the tomatoes. We have quite a few tomatoes set on our tomato plants, and they look great, but the lower branches keep turning yellow. I’m hoping the fertilizer helps. I got it on just in time before the rain started. 

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Today will be kinda slow. Mr. FixIt is going to his company picnic, and I’m going to bake bread! I will try to film it for you…or do a Facebook Live. I hope you enjoy your weekend!

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🩵

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For the Scripture says, “You shall not muzzle an ox when it treads out the grain,” and, “The laborer deserves his wages.”   1 Timothy 5:18

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***Gratitude Journal***   Today, I am grateful for discovering eating the way God intended…with whole grains, whole foods.
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Image Created with AI by CoPilot
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Bread, in its simplest form, consists of just three ingredients: flour, water, and salt. Yes, yeast is important, but it can also be created with just two ingredients: flour and water. That simple mixture will ferment and create the wonderful, aromatic leavening known as sourdough starter. Once you learn the ropes, you can create a myriad variety of bread to sustain you and your family. You begin to have faith in your yeast to do what it says it will do.

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Thanks for reading Kneading Faith! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

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Just as yeast transforms flour and water into a risen loaf, faith has the power to elevate our lives, even in uncertain times. We slog through life sometimes…dragging our proverbial flour and water around with us, looking for the right yeast to build us up. We may not know where we can go to get the perfect yeast to make us rise. Or maybe we just turn to the farmer to give us all the yeast and flour we could ever need to fill our bellies.

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Even bread can be dull and flavorless unless we use something to season the dough…salt. By adding that ingredient alone, our taste buds dance the tango. But what if I told you there was an additional magic ingredient that would fulfill all your body’s needs beyond anything you could create in your kitchen? They are free for the asking and open countless doors. The Bible says so.

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Those magic ingredients are Faith…and salt. With God through Jesus to provide for all our needs, we lack nothing. We’ll never, ever be alone again. And our Daily Bread will come from the Source, flavored with salt and love. That will keep us steady and fed, even in the worst of circumstances.

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Keep well fed, dear ones.

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ᓚᘏᗢ

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All the holy contributions that the people of Israel present to the Lord I give to you, and to your sons and daughters with you, as a perpetual due. It is a covenant of salt forever before the Lord for you and for your offspring with you.” Numbers 18:19 ESV

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***Gratitude Journal*** Today, I am grateful for the loving and forever companion I have in Jesus. I didn’t give my life to him till I was forty-seven years old. My one regret in life is that I didn’t do it forty years sooner.
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The little lollipop buds of our pink peony (Sara Bernhardt?) have been continually getting bigger and bigger. We knew they were going to bloom any day now. I walked through the yard this morning, and there they were. We have more blooms this year than any since I moved to Mr. FixIt’s little homestead. These are a pretty pink, but the ones out front are much darker. They bloom later because they don’t get as much direct sun. I’ll keep an eye on them and show you pictures. 

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We had a lovely day. A leisurely breakfast (LOVE my grits and eggs!) and  Mr. FixIt snoozed in his Big Red Chair while I had my morning RYZE. When he went to see his doctor last week, we found out that he doesn’t have any immunity to measles. Granted…we aren’t going to be in the hotbed of measles outbreaks, but we have great grandbabies and we wouldn’t want to trade diseases with our beloved little germ bombs. I haven’t had my test yet, but I’ll be flying in June so I want to know and be prepared.

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While we were out, we took advantage of the day. We shopped a little. We found an indoor electric grill that we thought might be convenient for camping. It was $39.99 at Walmart. We decided to stop at Ollie’s just to see what they might have. We picked up things like pruners and a soaker attachment for the garden. And lo and behold…there was the same electric grill for $29.99. I can’t get it for that online, so we picked one up.

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We found a digital special on soda at a local grocery store, so we picked up five twelve packs. We don’t drink a lot of soda, and it’s all sugar fee. But sometimes you just want a fizzy drink, right? By the time we got home, it was after 9:00 and we were fried.  Today is usually my knitting gathering, but one of our gals passed away last week. We’ll see each other at the viewing and funeral on Tuesday. Sandy seemed so young to me, but it turns out, she was three years older than I am. She was such a sweet and kind person and will be missed by all who know and love her.

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We don’t have a single thing on the calendar other than the viewing. Mr. FixIt continues to get better every day, but we postponed out camping trip for this week. He needs more healing time before we do that. I’m sure we’ll find plenty of stuff to do…you know, like mowing. Again. 🙄

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🩵

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“The Lord cares deeply when his loved ones die.”  ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭116‬:‭15‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   
Today, I am grateful for the opportunity my writing gives me to minister to others about the goodness of a loving God.
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#loss, #grief, #friends, #God

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The view under the tractor with the owner deck removed.

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Have you ever done something that made you immensely proud? You know…the kind of thing you really want to tell people but you’re afraid it might be boasting. It’s perfectly acceptable for Christians to take pride in their accomplishments as long as it doesn’t come from sinful pride. The Bible teaches us that pride can lead to self-centeredness and arrogance. However, there is nothing wrong in enjoying the fruits of your labors and taking pride in a job well done, as long as you are giving credit where credit is due. God gives us great gifts and talents, so we need to acknowledge His role in those abilities.

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The mower deck after it was removed. It was so dirty and Mr. FixIt found several big cracks in the belt you see there. It turns the blades.

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To that end, I am immensely proud of a job I did yesterday. The drive belt on my riding mower wore down so the thing wouldn’t move forward or backwards. I went to town on Wednesday and bought a new belt. After breakfast yesterday, Mr. FixIt and I went out to the building to put it on. We watched a couple of videos on YouTube explaining how to do it. The first was how to remove the mower deck. Of course, Mr. FixIt knows how to do that, but didn’t. He is very good about letting me learn how to do things around our little homestead. He was my coach while I did the work.

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Trying to figure out how to get the belt off that pulley with the black rod in the way.

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Removing the mower deck wasn’t that difficult. It is just a matter of removing a few cotter pins then pull the thing out from under the tractor. Let me tell you…that thing is HEAVY so it was great that Mr. FixIt was there to help. Once that was done, we had to push the tractor up on ramps, chock the wheels, and set the parking brake. That moves the tension off the drive belt and makes it easier to remove. I did everything step by step, but when I got to a certain place, the underside of the tractor didn’t look like the video. At this point we were hot and ready to take a break.

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Cleaning the mower deck with a wire brush while Mr. FixIt sharpened the blades.

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I looked up the exact model of Husqvarna we have and there was a video on changing the drive belt. When we watched it, the whole thing became clear and it didn’t take me but a few minutes to get the belt off. Putting it back on was merely reversing the steps. While I was working on the tractor, Mr. FixIt was working on the mower deck. It’s been quite a while since we took it apart so he cleaned the undercarriage, sharpened the blades, and put them back on. When he inspected the belt, it was old and cracked nearly all the way through. So, back to the tractor store for a new deck belt, and some new wheels for the mower deck. When we were checking out, the guys were talking about it being a difficult job and my sweet Mr. FixIt said, “My wife did the whole thing by herself!” The gentlemen were suitably impressed. Most people wouldn’t think of doing this kind of job themselves. I never did till Mr. FixIt came along. Doing this job ourselves saved us at least $300 and in this economy, that’s a lot of money.

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It looks a lot better after Mr. FixIt blew the old grass off with the compressor.

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I was proud. I am so grateful God blessed me with a brain that can figure out how to take things apart and put them back together again. He gifted me with mechanical skills that are normally not considered things that women do. That feeling of pride took me back to my childhood. My dad and I didn’t have a close relationship, but when I was young, he laid me across the fender of a pickup truck and showed me how to change the spark plugs and the oil. Even though I really didn’t do anything, my dad always set me back down on the ground and told me what a god job I did. I have so few warm memories of him, but that’s one I cherish.

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A dirty and sunburned face means a a lot of work has been done.

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It’s going to rain most of the day today, so the tractor will have to wait till tomorrow. In the meantime, I need to bake bread again and get ready for tomorrow’s college graduation party for the youngest of the FixIt family’s grandchildren. 

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Life is good, y’all!

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🚜

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“Do your planning and prepare your fields before building your house.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭24‬:‭27‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***  
Today, I am grateful for the gifts God has given me and the health and strength to use them.
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-05-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/05/09/should-you-toot-your-own.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/04/09/a-change-of-heart.html", "title": "A Change of Heart", "content_html": "\n
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Image created by Ginny McKinney using Meta AI

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I have some very special friends. You know the sort. They’re the ones you can pick right up where you let off. The kind who sees your name pop up in caller ID and you can hear the delight in their voices. Terri is one of those friends. She’s been with me through thick and thin for…oh my goodness…nearly forty years. I can’t even remember exactly how we met. She helped me through a difficult divorce. She celebrated with me when I found and married Mr. Virgo. Then she held me up when I grieved his loss. She is my sister in Christ whose wise counsel I covet. We pray for and with each other. I love her dearly. When I go to Colorado for visits by myself, she has a “suite” ready for me. I usually get to visit her a couple of times during every trip. 

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I’ve been struggling a little the last few weeks. I’ve involved myself in the news (noise is more like it) far too much and I found anger, fear, and sadness nipping at my heels. I started praying about it and asked God to help me with this. He put it on my heart to talk with you about it this week…hence my last few posts. I had an appointment in town yesterday. I arrived early, turned off the truck, and invited Jesus to come sit with me for a little while. We didn’t say anything. We rarely do. He knows my heart and what I need, and when He knows I’m ready for it, he presses something into my heart much like pressing a coin in the hand of a child wanting ice cream.

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“Call Terri.”

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I dutifully picked up my phone and dialed her number. (I’ll paraphrase.)

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“Well….how are you doing, Miss Ginny?”

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“I’m struggling with this dystopian society I find myself living in.”

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She immediately began speaking about Christians and judgment, anger and the enemy, control and release. My biggest takeaway was this…it is not our place to judge anyone. I am no less guilty of talking bad about those I view as “the other side” than they are. This stems from investing in worldly things. The enemy is in the middle, pitting one against another. He thrives on chaos, angst, retribution. He prods us to think we are “better than those who we deem destroyers of peace.” Terri spoke with an earnest, unbroken cadence that held my attention. And with each profession of the Holy Spirit, I felt the angry thoughts falling away from me. 

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Does it mean I don’t still have strong feelings? Does it mean my anger and disillusionment will simply fall away and the void filled with songs like Kumbaya? Hardly. But her rapid fire witness shot holes in my preconceived notions that were too readily leaning towards an us vs. them world. I am, after all, a fallible human.

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She helped me gain some perspective and led me toward a change of heart. Anger and frustration breed the very divisiveness I rale against. And who am I to assert myself as judge, jury, and executioner? That isn’t very Christian of me. To quote Terri, “Our only job here is recruitment…to lead others toward the Light to a relationship with Jesus.” It is not our job to solve problems that are not ours to solve.

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But, isn’t that relinquishing control? Literally, yes…when you’re trying to control something that is not yours to control. Give it to God. There’s another side of relinquishing control. It’s called accepting responsibility. It’s about taking care of the assignment we came here to do. To do the things we DO have control over. Our vote and our voice. And the liberal application of self-restraint, forgiveness, charity, grace, and love. Towards EVERYONE…no matter what color hat they wear. No one said it would be easy but the way is narrow.

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I know…on my own…I don’t have that kind of strength and patience. But I have a Father who loves me, a Holy Spirit who guides me, and Jesus who walks by my side every step of the way. All I have to do is listen closely, follow directions to the best of my ability, and grow with every lesson and experience. To love Him with all your heart and all your mind with all your strength. And let Him do the heavy lifting.

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God doesn’t ask any more of us than that.

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🩵🌷🩵

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““Listen, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.”   ‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭6‬:‭4‬-‭5‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   
Today I am grateful for dear friends with wise counsel and a strong faith. Iron sharpens iron.
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-04-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/04/09/a-change-of-heart.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices","Change","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/04/07/learn-to-dance-in-the.html", "title": "Learn to Dance in the Rain", "content_html": "\n
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”Learn to Dance in the Rain” - AI by Ginny McKinney with Meta AI

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Darlings…what a weekend! It has rained about 4.5” since Friday. The ground is so wet that when you walk across the yard, it’s like a bog. Squish…Squish…Squish. There is so much water in the pool, it’s pouring out the overflow. The creeks are roaring. But there’s no water coming into the basement. Ever since we started putting the root killer down the storm drain, it hasn’t overflowed. It came close Saturday night, but we put the crystals in and within twenty-four hours the water level was down two inches. We just have to be vigilant and use it regularly.

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The water in the drain is not the only thing going down. I made the awful mistake of looking at my retirement fund last night. Here’s a helpful tip…DO NOT DO THAT! At first my heart sank. Knowing it is likely to fall more today is disconcerting. As hard as that is to take, I know God has always taken care of us and we are more precious than the birds in the fields. I know it’s hard not to worry, it really is. But last night, I just sat with God and told Him I put my life in His hands twenty-one years ago. I’m not backing out when the going gets tough.

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Like most people, we are looking at more ways to cut our expenses. I think satellite is out. We’ll soon have fiber optic internet here. Once that is installed, we can drop the DSL line and stream what we can get online. I’ve cut out extra spending. We only buy what is necessary these days. I know we are taking this trip to the beach, but it’s already paid for as is my flight to Colorado this summer.

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It is a good thing we don’t eat much meat anymore. We are going to make some raised beds for greens to add to our diet. I bake all of our bread. We don’t eat much dairy but I do keep powdered milk and canned evaporated milk in the pantry. I grew up making do with what we had. Yes…I have been terribly “advantaged” in my adult life. But, I’ve been studying and practicing homesteading and survival skills for a very long time.

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We are heading into lean times, I’m afraid. And I’m not telling you all of this to worry you or scare you. I look at paring down to the bare essentials as more like a game to see how little we need to get by.

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Happiness is most often mind over matter.

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If you don’t mind…it don’t matter.

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Do what you can with what you have.

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Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.

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Start small.

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Slow and steady wins the race.

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Pray about it. Pray over it. Pray through it.

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And remember…the pendulum always swings back.

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🩵🌷🙏🏼🌷🩵

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““Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭19‬-‭21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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Gratitude Journal 
Today I am grateful for my humble upbringing with a grandma who taught me how to make do. I am grateful that I have a Heavenly Father who wants us to prosper and who will take care of us.
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-04-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/04/07/learn-to-dance-in-the.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","God","Downsizing","Choices","Farm Life","Anxiety","Frustration"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/03/03/prayer-works.html", "title": "Prayer Works", "content_html": "\n
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I finally had some quiet time here at the house with Mr. FixIt at bowling. First, I tore my closet apart looking for those things. Then I decided to go to the source. I put on some soft meditation music, closed my eyes, and asked the Holy Spirit to help me find my lost hard drives. I sat quietly, breathing deeply, clearing my mind.

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I kid you not, I opened my eyes and walked right to them! And here’s the kicker…they were on the desk in the office! I have looked in the office countless times. I’ve even moved this bag to the side…more than once. I simply could not see them. I immediate said a prayer of thanksgiving. I was so excited.

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I picked up the biggest hard drive, plugged it into my laptop, opened the tax program, and voila! The program found our 2023 tax return and populated the 2024 forms in 30 seconds. Now all I have to do is plug in the numbers and we’re off to the races! This is how God works in our lives. He loves for us to come to him with all our problems, no matter the size or importance. He’s so, so good to us!

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Other than cleaning up my mess from tearing the bedroom apart, I really didn’t accomplish much more than that. I enjoyed watching some how-to videos on YouTube. I FaceTimed with the girls, texted with Big and Little, and called my brother. I missed a call from my sister-in-law but we’ll talk today sometime. Sunday evening is when I catch up with family. I always called my mom on Sunday evenings. This is such a nice way to carry on that tradition.

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It’s been pretty cold again here. I actually might get to sleep in the camper on Wednesday night for the first time this year! I love sleeping out there. I can hear the night sounds all around and feel the breeze. It’s the closest I will get to sleeping outside under the stars. I tried to sleep outside once, but there was a constant breeze and I could not settle down. Well, that and the fact that it was in my backyard in the Rockies and there’s coyotes, mountain lions, and bears out there! I know this because I slept in Little TOW-Wanda in front of my house the first summer after Mr. Virgo died. I woke up to a low growl, peeked out the window, and there was a mountain lion right below me. I quietly closed the window and went back to sleep. I know a bear can break into a camper, but at least I’d have some metal between me and the beasties!

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Today is knitting group and I’m looking forward to that. I found a couple little cross stitch kits I saved from my shop. I think I’ll start one. And, I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have these hard drives back. One less thing, right? Hope you had a nice weekend!

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☘️

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“these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who knows a person’s thoughts except their own spirit within them? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭2‬:‭10‬-‭11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   Today I am grateful for the quiet time I spend with God, seeking guidance and listening for the Holy Spirit. Even in the little things.
\n\n", "date_published": "2025-03-03T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/03/03/prayer-works.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/02/21/looking-ahead.html", "title": "Looking Ahead", "content_html": "\n
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While I’m all about mindfulness and staying in the moment, I do need something to look forward to. The promise of camping in the spring helps get me through the winter. I give things to God to carry, and He directs me toward something to get me through trying times…step by step. 

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We are heading into uncertain times here, so I was searching for something reassuring. I know God laughs at us making our little plans. Last night, I sat at my computer and created a monthly banner for my blog to get me through the next four years. I don’t know why, but that small activity centered me and gave me a focus. Sometimes it’s just the little things we can do help us stay focused.

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There’s one thing I am absolutely certain of…Jesus is always with me through every storm, up every mountain, and down to the deepest, darkest valleys. And He can be with you, too. He’s so kind and well-mannered. He isn’t intrusive. He waits till He’s invited. I honestly don’t know how people can get through the trials and tribulations of life without Him. Sometimes God leads us into rough waters…not to drown us, but to cleanse us. 

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I was just telling Mr. FixIt yesterday that I need to get back out to The Farm for my annual tax marathon. It’s time. The weather will improve next week with some warm days. That will be perfect porch-sitting weather. I need that!

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🩵

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“To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.”   ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2‬:‭21‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***   Today I am grateful that God directs me to the ways that bring me peace and that I am open to listen to His guidance.

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#Jesus, #Guidance, #Tribulations

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-02-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/02/21/looking-ahead.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/02/17/sunday-evening-prayer-circle.html", "title": "Sunday Evening Prayer Circle", "content_html": "\n
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Pray for the widows, widowers, and children who have lost their precious family members. Theirs is a difficult path and it’s so easy to lose hope and feel alone.

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Please pray for those in the path of storms, flooding, and landslides across the country.

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Please pray for AS, DS, and family. He had a heart transplant last summer and now needs a kidney transplant. Lord, bring a donor for AS and restore his health. He has so much more to give.

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Please pray for Debbie’s sister as she awaits the call that she has a donor kidney. Please pray for all who are awaiting donor organs. And for the families whose loved ones made the choice to donate for life.

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Please pray for my friend, Mike. He is being treated for metastatic melanoma and needs all the prayers he can get. He has faith that God will get him through this.

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Prayers going up for my dear friend Gail’s dad. He’s been given a serious diagnosis and could use your prayers for complete healing and all of the coordination that will need to be covered in the coming weeks and months. And for her mother who continues to need extra care.

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Prayers for my dear friends JP, R&JO, and other unspoken prayer requests.

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Prayers for our friend, Lisa T. as she is in Hospice care. Lisa was my first school chum and the minister who performed our wedding ceremony. Please pray for her and her family and friends.

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Please pray for Gala, Wendy, Melissa Mihal, and others who have cancer or other life-threatening diseases. Prayers for complete healing and all of the coordination that will need to be covered in the coming weeks and months.

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Please pray for the following:

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Matt Crawford, my dear friend Gail's cousin. He was recently diagnosed with cancer and has been transferred to hospice.

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Alpine, Kelly, Jeannie, Lisa’s family as they lost their mom

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Diane’s son and sister-in-law

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Tom M. as he continues recovery from surgery

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Jeremy

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Bea

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Don and Jackie

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Jim and Linda

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Wendy and Johnny

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Melanie

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Pam and her dad

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Carmen

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Kelly

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Gala

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The family of our friend Melissa Mihal who recently passed from cancer.

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Please pray for Gala, Wendy, and others who have cancer or other life-threatening diseases for complete healing.

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Please feel free to add your own prayers in the comments so we can pray for you, as well.

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“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

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‭‭Mark‬ ‭11‬:‭24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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I’m sorry I’m late…that Super Bowl game distracted me!

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Watch over the hostages in Gaza as they continue to be released to return to their loved ones. Comfort the families of those whose loved ones won’t be coming home.

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Please pray for all affected by the aftermath of the fires in California. The floods in Western North Carolina. The destruction is unimaginable. Pray for the families of those lost in the recent plane crashes.

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Please pray for Al and Debi. Al had a heart transplant last summer and now needs a kidney transplant. Lord, bring a donor for Al and restore his health. He has so much more to give.

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Please pray for my dear friend, Mike. He was diagnosed with metastatic melanoma and needs all the prayers he can get. They have a treatment plan and he has faith that God will get them through this.

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Prayers going up for my dear friend Gail’s dad. He’s been given a serious diagnosis and could use your prayers for complete healing and all of the coordination that will need to be covered in the coming weeks and months.

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Prayers for my dear friends JP, R&JO, Jan and other unspoken prayer requests.

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Prayers for our friend, Lisa T. as she is in Hospice care. Lisa was my first school chum and the minister that performed our wedding ceremony. Please pray for her and her family and friends.

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Prayers for those affected by natural disasters, war, drought, pestilence, and famine.

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Please pray for the following:

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Alpine, Kelly, Jeannie, Lisa’s family as they lost their mom.

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Diane’s son and sister-in-law.

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Tom M. as he continues recovery from surgery.

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Jeremy.

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Bea.

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Don and Jackie

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Jim and Linda

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Wendy and Johnny

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Melanie

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Pam and her dad

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Carmen

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Kelly

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Please feel free to add your own prayers in the comments so we can pray for you, as well.

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“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

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‭‭Mark‬ ‭11‬:‭24‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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Please pray for Gala, Wendy, Melissa Mihal, and others who have cancer or other life-threatening diseases. prayers for complete healing and all of the coordination that will need to be covered in the coming weeks and months. amily and friends.

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-02-10T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/02/10/sunday-evening-prayer-circle.html", "tags": ["Prayer","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/01/17/the-gratitude-project.html", "title": "The Gratitude Project", "content_html": "\n
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I miss my Gracie. I love that little camper. I miss going out there to write without the TV. I told Mr. FixIt, when we get too old to go camping, she has to stay with us so I can still have my little hidey-hole. I can’t wait for warm weather so I can lay out there at night and listen to the owls. We’re at that place in the year where the time crawls. It’s dark and cold and we haven’t seen the grass in weeks…highly unusual here.

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I’ve gotten into a bad habit lately. I stay up late then sleep (or at least stay in bed) WAY later than I do in the summer. That is good in a way. I’m getting a lot of rest. But it’s not good that half my day is wasted and I’m not getting the projects done that I want to work on. I’ve been trying to figure out what this is. I’m not depressed. I’m just exhausted. Even with all this rest, I’m bone weary this week. I think a lot of people are.

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I’m not going to talk about politics, but I’m sure many of you are worried about the state our country is in. If you’re like me, the uncertainty of what to expect in the coming weeks and months is concerning. I’ve been through a clinical depression in the past…I’m not going there again. So, I’ve decided to focus on GRATITUDE. A Gratitude Journal helped get me through those dark days of depression when I was going through a painful divorce. In addition to the Scripture I leave at the bottom of each post, I’m also going to state what I am grateful for that day.

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Mr. Virgo used to call me Pollyanna because I always look for the silver linings. For ever dark day and bad happening, there is still ALWAYS something to be grateful for. I’ll tell you everyday what I’m grateful for. Please feel free to share your gratitude with us here. We all need to search for the light in our lives. When gratitude is what we focus on it becomes easier to find more things to be grateful for. 

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Who’s in?

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❄️🩵❄️

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“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit. Do not despise prophecies, but test everything; hold fast what is good. Abstain from every form of evil.” ‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5‬:‭16‬-‭22‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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***Gratitude Journal***

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I am grateful for my relationship with Jesus. He walks with me every step of the day and I am never alone. I owe him every praise. I don’t understand the mysteries of God’s ways, but I trust that He loves and cares for his children and has a plan for us.

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#gratitude, #faith, #hope, #weary, #strength

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-01-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/01/17/the-gratitude-project.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/01/15/shiver-me-timbers-its-cold.html", "title": "Shiver me Timbers - It’s COLD!", "content_html": "\n
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Wowza…we’re hitting single digits pretty regularly here in WV as of late. I sleep with the window open in the little bedroom. I snuggle down under the electric blanket in that cold room and sleep like a rock. Mr. FixIt keeps his window shut and the furnace grate open…his blanket on just enough to warm the bed then he shuts it off. After several years of trying to sleep his way, I was just getting more and more sleep deprived and I knew it wasn’t healthy. So now we sleep in different rooms and we are much nicer to be around. We still get snuggles and hug whenever we pass each other in the house all day long so we aren’t hurting for contact. It’s just the sleeping part we had to address.

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Yesterday was very busy. I had a medical appointment. I delivered Christmas presents to those who were sick and couldn’t come to our party. I went to Tractor Supply and bought three bags of birdseed. I stopped at my friend Jon Six’s hair salon to drop off a whole bag of hats, baby dolls, and baby blankets that I knitted and he was so happy to get them. He’ll take them to the place where homeless girls have their babies.

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As I was driving to my next stop, I prayed for the recipients of these gifts that they may be protected from the cold. I felt my privilege lay heavy in my chest as I effortlessly went about my day of shopping…returning to my warm home and ample pantry. Tragically, we had an unhoused woman fall asleep outside of her tent Monday night and she was found yesterday morning…deceased. It breaks my heart.

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It reminds me that so many are just one catastrophe away from being homeless. I spent three years traveling around in my camper. There were times when that was a real struggle…especially when I first moved to WV and lived up by the Ohio River in weather like this. I was so blessed to have that comfortable house on wheels. I can’t imagine having nothing more than what you can push in a grocery cart. It’s a problem everywhere and it just seems to be getting worse. I may not be able to do much or give a lot of money, but I can at least help keep them warm with a hat that I’ve prayed over as I knit.

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My last stop was the gas station and the grocery store before I went home. I brought everything in from the truck. Since I still had my snow boots and heavy winter coat on, I went to the front of the house and knocked the icicles off the gutter. I put everything away and by that time, I asked if my husband would be satisfied with hotdogs for supper. He was fine with it. I just didn’t have it in me to cook. I found quart containers of chicken livers at the grocery store for $1.50 each so I put one in the freezer and I’ll cook the other container with caramelized onions, mashed potatoes and gravy and green beans for supper tonight. Comfort food that I am extra grateful for today.

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I hope you are keeping warm and there’s food in your belly.

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❄️🩵❄️

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“For there will never cease to be poor in the land. Therefore I command you, ‘You shall open wide your hand to your brother, to the needy and to the poor, in your land.’”
‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭15‬:‭11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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#unhoused #homeless #winter #helpisontheway #helpingothers

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*Photo Credit: AI Generated Image by Ginny McKinney

\n\n", "date_published": "2025-01-15T03:00:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2025/01/15/shiver-me-timbers-its-cold.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Camping","Comfort","Grace","God","Humbled","Insight","Mental Health"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2025/01/14/freedom.html", "title": "Freedom!", "content_html": "\n
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“Freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.” Jean-Paul Sartre

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We all have had challenges in our lives. Health problems, the loss of a loved one or a job or financial security, tragedies of all kinds. These things are all part of life and usually something that’s just…happens. Things look and feel a lot different when something has been done TO you, especially when it comes from a person you trusted. Those kinds of betrayal are especially hard to get over.

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When faced with a betrayal, the wounds go deep. Those cuts leave jagged scars that don’t heal easily. I’ve been betrayed before and in some ways, it was harder to get through than losing Mr. Virgo. Or, maybe I got through that tragic loss because I gained coping skills from the betrayal.

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For a very long time, I carried that pain with me. I shared it with others which only perpetuated the open wound and didn’t offer the healing I hoped it would. It only served to spread the poison around to innocent people and kept me in a dark place. As they say, anger is the poison you take hoping it affects the other guy.

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So, how do we achieve freedom from our pain? It wasn’t till I forgave the perpetrator that I found relief. It isn’t easy. I wanted to hang onto my righteous anger. Then, I finally gave up on it. I wasn’t hurting anyone else but myself. And the best thing I could do for myself and those I love was to give it to God. After all, HE is the ultimate judge…not me. Once I handed it off to God, my heart immediately lightened. As time went by, I even found my compassion for the person who betrayed me. And, this is going to be hard to believe…we became friends again. Not like before, to be sure…but friends, nonetheless. There was a heartfelt apology and contrition which went a long way helping me get over it. I’m well aware…not everyone is afforded the luxury of closure.

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I took that same lesson and have applied it over and over in my life. It seems like the older I get, the less it matters to me what others do toward me. I practice the “let them” school of thought.

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If they want to leave…let them.
If they want to talk about me…let them.
If they want to say ugly things about me to others…let them.

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It’s not my job to police everyone. My job is to love people. It seems the pendulum on “kindness matters” has swung to the deep end, but I’m here to tell you…it will not last forever.

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Light always overcomes darkness.

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Good always overcomes evil.

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It won’t happen over night. It may get worse before it gets better, but somehow…someday that pendulum will started its inevitable turn back toward the center and people will learn to care again. We just don’t know when. Science tells us nature seeks balance. Faith tells us we’re going to a better place but we need to be light bearers while we’re here.

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If God brings us to it, He can bring us through it.

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Let go and let God do what God does.

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❄️🩵❄️

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“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4‬:‭32‬ ‭ESV

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forgiveness #god #betrayal #love #kindness #let #go #letgo

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I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about FB lately. Things are changing rapidly in the world. Big, important things. And things that you might think are superfluous but can have repercussions. I’ve been writing this blog for going on twelve years now. I try to make it a safe place free of the angst and darkness that surrounds us at every turn lately. The algorithms are changing. I have over 6,000 readers and sometimes FB’s algorithms only send it out to 200-300 people. And, whenever I post a Sunday Evening Prayer Circle, there are even fewer people who see it. I believe there is a filtration of sorts and outrage and anger seems to be the winning combination. It makes me sad.

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I’ve considered stopping altogether but I don’t want to do that. As long as I feel my writing is of service, I’ll keep going. But now the gloves are coming off and the powers that be have chosen a different route. FB will no longer fact check so anything we read is suspect. This is all by design, but that’s not where I’m going with this. Jesus tells us to let our lights shine so that others may know Him by our good deeds. Writing is one of the major ways I shine my light out into the world. So, I’ve decided to keep my blood here on FB. But I’m also exploring Bluesky and Substack as other venues. Are any of you reading over there? I really like both of them. No ads. Far less filth and rage, and that appeals to me. I know it’s hard for people to change…that’s why I’ll stay here. I just want to bring hope and joy, love and light into this little corner of the world. We all need some peace.

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We had a lovely day yesterday. I fixed our favorite sourdough French toast for breakfast. Then I spent the afternoon watching Big’s swim meet. She did very well and handily won the 500 meter freestyle event. She’ll swim again today so I’ll get to see her again. We are going to one of the great-grandchildren’s 5th birthday party this evening at the bowling alley. The littles are growing up so fast!

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We ended up with another four inches of snow Friday night so our total is fourteen inches in one week! That’s crazy for here. We’ve really been spoiled with mild winters, so we’re paying the piper now. We’re going to warm up a little past freezing for a couple of days then we go right back down in the deep freeze. I bought a parka a couple of years that was made for Canadian winters so I am always toasty warm when I go out in this weather. Between that and my Sorel’s, I’m blessed.

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I read a call for items for a local food ministry and I’m going to take the hats and baby dolls that I made over on Tuesday when I go to town. I think I can get some more made before then. It feels good to help others with whatever I can give. TheLord loves a cheerful giver!

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❄️🩵❄️

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“The point is this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭9‬:‭6‬-‭7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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#charity #grace #donations #God #shineyourlightbright #shineyourlightontheworld

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Do you sometimes feel this noisy world is drowning out the sound of God’s voice? Sometimes I find myself down the rabbit hole of politics and I want to scream into the void, “Aren’t you listening?????” I find myself in that unenviable and dark place all too often lately and it leaves me exhausted, frustrated, disappointed.

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When I am with my wonderful friends whose political viewpoints are diametrically opposite of mine, I do my level best not to “go there.” Not that I am incapable of having a civil discussion, but more out of respect for my friend’s choice to believe as they wish…just as I do.

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I got dangerously close to the “third rail” when I was camping with Gail last week. Gail is incredibly wise and kind. We are very close. She patiently let me rant a while then said, “Ginny, you are looking at this only through the lens of politics and not through the heart of God.” We are instructed in the Bible that part of the responsibility of the faithful is to correct the course of our brothers and sisters in Christ. And, while the dogma I ascribe to varies from my dear friend in certain areas, her words were delivered with love and encouragement. For that I am most grateful. To have that dear friend who is emboldened to help when crossing those waters has the potential of damaging your friendship is a deep gift. One that I value tremendously.

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Mr. FixIt had to go to town yesterday to see the podiatrist about a place on his foot that I was concerned about. Being a former Diabetes Educator has benefited him these last few years. But having that knowledge brings a different level of worry when things don’t look right. I’ve been slowly getting him in with the specialists I want him to see for his ongoing care and I was thrilled to find this great guy. Dr. Christian Valle is young and knowledgeable with a wonderful bedside manner. When he had some of the nail trimmed away, I was thrilled we weren’t looking at anything bad. Just a heightened awareness that’s always good to have in cases like this.

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When we got home, we were getting settled into our Big Red Chairs for a little down time when Mr. FixIt asked if I’d seen Lisa’s post. I went to her FB page and there she was, tucked into a hospital bed, her sweet smile belying her fatigue in order to talk to those who love her. It turns out, a couple of weeks ago, Lisa was diagnosed with metastatic cancer and through much prayer and discussion with her medical team, she decided to come home on hospice. She doesn’t have the energy to talk to everyone so this little recorded conversation was the next best thing.

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Lisa was my first school friend. When our teacher had decided I was the one she was going to pick on that year, Lisa was there to pray with me in the little girl’s room before lunch so I could get over my anxiety and eat. Just a few months later, my parents moved us to another school district and I never really connected with Lisa again till we were adults.

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She went to Junior High with Mr. FixIt. We saw each other at the class reunions and picnics. Then, when we were married in 2018, I couldn’t think of anyone I wanted more to perform the ceremony than our friend, Lisa.

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As I replayed what could be her last farewell to us, my conversations with Gail ran through my mind. Lisa is likely closer to seeing Jesus face-to-face than I am. He knows her well. She’s a pastor and a “good and faithful servant.” I have to ask myself…will He know me when I get there?

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I still keep my nose in politics as I vote for my own self-interests and those of my family and community. God gave us free will and I intend to utilize that gift. However, opinions and thoughts are as vast as the universe filled with billions of stars. As I gaze up at the Milky Way, I’m reminded of what led me to Jesus in the first place. He showed me that I am no more consequential in the grand scheme of things than one tiny dot in the blackness of the heavens. All I can do is follow his greatest commandment and LOVE.

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Just LOVE.

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The rest will get sorted out.

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“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?”

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‭‭Psalm‬ ‭8‬:‭3‬-‭4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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“If God seems quiet right now, just remember…no one shouts when they’re standing right next to you.” @abbyshopeshop

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#god#heaven#friends#Politics

\n\n", "date_published": "2024-09-24T02:00:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/09/24/when-god-seems-quiet.html", "tags": ["Grace","God","Friends","Heaven"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/06/24/i-love-you-more.html", "title": "I Love You More…..", "content_html": "\n
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(Trigger Warning: This post discusses sexual abuse.)

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What a week. There was a time when any one event of last week would have sent me into pure panic mode. Anxiety, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, rushes of adrenalin over my entire body, dissociating, destructive behaviors. That’s how most of my life has been. But the last sixteen months have been different. Lots of prayer. No sugar, no preservatives, no caffeine, weight loss, exercise, meditation, journaling, Noom, and RYZE mushroom coffee. 

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I first noticed the difference when something happened that normally would have caused me to crash and burn…and it didn’t. I had a call from my brother’s group home that he had been taken by ambulance to the ER with chest pain and his blood pressure dropped precipitously. I felt the smallest surge of adrenalin which was immediately followed by a thought. 

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“That’s information.”

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I surprised myself. I didn’t have to talk myself down or do anything, really. All I had to do was tell myself I just received information…from my body and from the nurse. Information itself cannot kill you. It speaks to you. What you do with that information is what counts. Instead of focusing on what I was feeling, I listened to what I was being told, asked the questions I needed to ask, and the adrenalin backed off as fast as it came. It was the weirdest feeling.

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I think all my body needed was ONE successful experience with coping appropriately to the fight or flight response. Since then, I’ve rolled with the punches regularly and I cannot tell you what utter relief that is to me. Full on panic attacks are awful. And they affect you for days afterwards. My whole life has been spent riding the rollercoaster of my emotions. Knowing I can deal with whatever comes my way has taken a huge load off my mind.

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When you have an anxiety disorder, you spend your life trying to control every possible scenario of every possible circumstance to try to avoid that out-of-control feeling you get. Now that I’m not feeling anxious all the time, I am functioning like a normal adult. And it took till 70 years to get there.

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This was one heck of a week. In one day, I found out my dear high school chum had died. My brother made another ambulance trip to the ER. And someone I care about deeply is suffering a severe health crisis. Every day since, it’s been one thing after another. And I’ve rolled with the punches. Then yesterday was the funeral. My friend and I shared a very deep bond. Not just the bond of friendship. It went beyond that. We were both victims of sexual assault by the same person…a family member. My episode with him (other than verbal) was just that once, but hers lasted years…repeatedly, brutally.

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I stuffed that information down deep inside and convinced myself it wasn’t really sexual assault if there hadn’t been penetration. It wasn’t till I was 35 and in therapy for depression and anxiety that I discovered I couldn’t just brush it off by downplaying it. What had happened was real and it was sexual assault and I needed to deal with it.

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As I began to unpack that information, a thought crept into my mind that I couldn’t brush away. If he had been so brazen as to do what he did to me in front of my friend…what must she have been going through in the privacy of their home. The internet was new, and I found her phone number. I called her up and was like, “Hey…voice from the past here!” After a few pleasantries, I told her I had to ask her a deeply personal question and if she told me to go to h***, I’d hang up and never call her again.

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“Did _____________ molest you as a kid?”

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She went silent. Then in a softer voice she said, “Why do you ask that?”

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“Well….because he molested me, too.”

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We both cried. We had so many conversations about this. We helped each other heal. She had an amazing countenance. Her faith in God was the absolute center of her life. Without Him, she would have never survived. We talked a lot about the power of forgiveness. My dear, sweet, strong friend led a support group for women who also walked that path. She invited me to speak to the group in her church and I could see how much it helped to know they weren’t alone.

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So, that was my week. One thing after another then walking through the past one more time in honor of my friend. She will be missed and many stories will be told. I felt a sense of closure after the funeral. I know she’s in a better place because the Healer…has healed her for all eternity.

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As she would say… “I love you more…”

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🙏🏼

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“Now he was teaching in one of the synagogues on the Sabbath. And behold, there was a woman who had had a disabling spirit for eighteen years. She was bent over and could not fully straighten herself. When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said to her, “Woman, you are freed from your disability.” And he laid his hands on her, and immediately she was made straight, and she glorified God.”

\nLuke 13:10-13 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-06-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/06/24/i-love-you-more.html", "tags": ["God","Forgiveness","Friends","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/06/13/out-of-the-mouths-of.html", "title": "Out of the Mouths of Babes", "content_html": "\n
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Courtney is a sweet friend I met in Nashville several years ago. We bonded over the fact her husband’s family is from West Virginia. So they’re good people! I love her relationship with God and how they are raising their children to have a close relationship with Jesus. A few years ago, she was saying nighttime prayers with her youngest…Gabe. When he was finished he said that when they were in West Virginia visiting her husband’s parents he and his sister Della lost their Daddy, MawMaw, and big brother, Seth. Gabe said they were really scared, so they had to “yell for Jesus!”

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Have you ever found yourself lost and don’t know where to turn? I sure have. Courtney said if she had only one piece of advice she could give, it would be this. Yell for Jesus. You can’t do this alone. I know I can’t. I’ve tried. I’ve dug in my heels and said no to God so many times I am astounded He can forgive me. But he did. When I started yelling for Jesus, that’s when I found my way through the darkness of anxiety and depression back into the light. I just thought I’d share that with you today.

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Wild Blackberries showed up in the hedgerow this year.

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Yesterday was a super productive day. We always take our time with breakfast. That’s our time to just sit and enjoy each other’s company before the day gets started. And we don’t start early. We’re night owls so we sometimes don’t finish the breakfast dishes till nearly noon! Such was the case yesterday. Mr. FixIt was fiddling with something and I headed out to finish mowing. At some point, he came out to meet me in his truck. He was on his way into town to show some plans to a fellow he’s going to do a little building for. 

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I continued mowing then put the trimmer and the loppers in the back of my truck and headed out to the hedgerow along the creek out front. There are monstrous sycamore trees out there and their low hanging branches get heavy with leaves. This makes me have to duck down when I’m mowing. Actually, that happens a lot all the way around so every once in a while, I have to get aggressive with the trimmers and try to keep this jungle from closing in on us.

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I worked for a little bit, but I was soon realized this is the side that gets full afternoon sun and it was WAY too hot for such heavy labor. I gave up and went inside to cool down and rehydrate. Before long, I was ready for round two. I went out and sprayed off the tractor and got all the grass off the top of the mower deck then put everything away. Mr. FixIt got home about supper time…with a dozen pink roses, a little birthday cake, and a new floatie for the pool. He’s such a love!

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When I was a little girl, we went out to the farm just about every weekend. That place has always been more of home to me that the one I lived in with my parents. Supper in the summer time was often a simple affair. The only sun that farmhouse gets is in the late afternoon and it gets too hot to cook. Grandma would get a couple of jars of canned tomatoes from the cellar house thicken it with a mixture of flour and milk with salt, pepper, and sugar. Then she served it over slices of bread or leftover biscuits. I haven’t made that for so long and all day when I was out there mowing, that’s all I could think about.

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Our house gets really hot in the afternoon, too. The exterior is red brick and that west facing wall is always ten degrees hotter than the ambient temperature. The last thing I want to do was heat up the kitchen, but I really wanted biscuits with the tomato gravy. I was looking at the directions on the can of biscuits (yes…I bought canned biscuits. The Pillsbury Grands aren’t too bad!) I noticed directions for the air fryer and I remembered one of my readers telling me they make biscuits that way and it doesn’t heat up the house.

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I was pleasantly surprised! The biscuits were perfect. And the tomato gravy came together fast. Here’s my recipe:

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Ginny’s West Virginia Creamed Tomatoes (akaTomato Gravy)

2 12oz cans of diced tomatoes
1/2 can evaporated milk
1-1 1/2 T. Wondra Flour
1 T. Butter
1-2 T. granulated sugar
Salt and Pepper to taste

Pour the tomatoes, juice and all, in a medium saucepan. Add the butter, salt, pepper, and sugar to the pan and place over medium heat. Stir Wondra Flour into evaporated milk and add to the tomatoes in the pan. Stir well and bring to a boil stirring frequently. Turn the heat down and let simmer till the biscuits are done.

Bake the biscuits in the air fryer at 330° for 7 minutes. Carefully turn them over and set the air fryer for another 4-5 minutes at 330°. They came out perfectly. Cut the biscuits in half and place in a good lined soup bowl. Ladle the hot Tomato Gravy over the biscuits and enjoy. This is truly a West Virginia treat!
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After supper and the news, I got one of the pints of ice cream fixin’s out of the freezer and tried out my new Ninja Creami Ice Cream Maker. WOWZA! It was SO good and tasted exactly like chocolate soft serve. I used Splenda Glucerna Chocolate Smoothie as the base this time. We each got a nice sized serving of ice cream for 170 calories! I’m looking forward to trying all kinds of recipes in this thing.

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I decided to wait for today to smoke the pork butts. It’s going to be a fun day! No need to work hard on my birthday, right? Seventy-one. I think 71 is more fun than ‘71…the year we graduated!

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🥳

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“May he grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans!”

\nPsalm 20:4 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-06-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/06/13/out-of-the-mouths-of.html", "tags": ["God","Aging","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/06/04/the-goodness-of-god.html", "title": "The Goodness of God", "content_html": "\n
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We had a good day. An ordinary day. I went to knitting group. Mr. FixIt and I headed to town in the afternoon for a checkup and got an excellent report. I waited in the truck in the shade and knitted, dreamily watching the clouds drift by from my perch on the hill.

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There’s always a little shopping to do. And a little eating. When we got home, we watched the news and as 8:00 rolled around, I headed out to the camper to write. But first, I took my phone down and sat in the path between two of the pollinator gardens and waited. 

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After a bit, I heard deer in the hedgerow around the far field and it wasn’t long till a little doe came out, watching me curiously. She cautiously approach, stomping her front leg and blowing air forcefully through her nose to warn me how big and bad she was. I sat stock still and filmed her dance…forward, stop, stomp, romp around the field kicking up her heels, repeat. It was delightful.

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When she moved on to the creek, I got up to see if any other critters had come out to join me. There, just around the bend sat a beautiful box turtle, head held high in the air, motionless, trying to be invisible. I visited with it for a while, then I went on around to the other side of the garden.

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As dusk settled in, I lay prone on the ground with my camera…preparing for the rising of the lightning bugs. They didn’t disappoint and I was enthralled watching them leaving light trails as they rose and fell.

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The enormity of the peace I felt in my chest spread to the lump in my throat. I nearly missed all of this. So many times I’ve been at crossroads that could have taken me in any number of directions…including an early death. Each decision, each mistake, each achievement…all of it brought me here. 

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There are so many terrible things going on in the world right now. Things that need to be fixed. Things that need to be changed. Things that need our attention and things thrown in our way just to steal our attention from the important things in life.

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Yes…there is bad stuff. Yes…there is evil. But there are SO many who want you to see only the bad things and forget about all the good. There is SO much good in the world. They may not be shouting about it on the front pages or the news desks, but it’s there. Don’t give up! You’re important in this story. You have a huge role to play in this world.

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In the field of quantum physics, it is believed that you taking a breath in this moment affects a molecule at the edge of a galaxy a gazillion light years away. We may be infinitesimally small in the grand scheme of things, but every single heartbeat is important. YOU are important! YOU can affect changes that only YOU were put on this earth to accomplish. Maybe your assignment was to help that young woman who was struggling in 1974. Maybe it was the degree you attained to make a difference to scores of people. Maybe it was nothing more than to lay on your belly in a field of daisies and photograph a picturesque turtle or a dancing deer.

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The thing is…we don’t know what assignments we may receive. Wouldn’t it be a shame if you left us before you got the chance to do that one thing God made you for? 

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Look for the good. And if you can’t FIND the good…BE the good the world so desperately needs right now. 

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I love you…just the way you are.

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🐝

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“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

\nJeremiah 29:11 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-06-04T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/06/04/the-goodness-of-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/04/25/road-trippin.html", "title": "Road Trippin’!!!", "content_html": "\n
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Oh, the work getting ready for this trip was SO much more than I envisioned this time last week! I said I was going to be super organized this time. As my friend Marion said…God giggles. After going to sleep at 2:00, I woke up yesterday morning at 6:00 to get the day started. The camper was piled with tools, sawdust, trash, and the bedding from the queen sized bed, so my first order of the day was to clean it out so I’d have the space to stock the stuff we really needed to take. 

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I went in the house at 7:00 and Mr. FixIt was up getting himself ready. We didn’t pack the truck the night before like we usually do because my sweet husband was indulging my hair-brained idea of accomplishing a camper remodel in five days. He’s a saint! This camping trip isn’t our first rodeo and overall, you take the same things each time. I suggested we just keep all the non perishables in the camper over the winter and save all the lugging in and out of the basement. Then, our little house on wheels will be ready at a moment’s notice to head wherever our hearts desire.

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By the time we got everything loaded up and hitched the camper, it was going on noon. We hadn’t taken time to eat were starved so we stopped in town for gas and the Cracker Barrel by the highway for a very quick breakfast. We headed south on the interstate and we hadn’t gotten to Charleston when I was so sleepy, my head was nodding. I knew I needed to stretch out and take a nap and Mr. FixIt looked about as ragged as I did. So we pulled into a big Lowe’s parking lot and took a two hour nap! We never dreamed we would sleep like that. We could have slept for several more hours except for one thing….

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The alarm on the truck went off. No one was near us…it just started blaring. I turned it off and looked at Mr. FixIt. 

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“God woke us up, right on time!”

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We were both refreshed. We got back on the road at a reasonable time and stopped in Wytheville to get gas and a sandwich. We got to the campground at dusk, and there was a problem. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remember the lady telling me that once they close the campground, they lock the gate and if you don’t have the code to the opener, you don’t get in. I thought she said 8:30 but it was actually 7:30! We were locked out.

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It was dark, the office was closed and no one was answering the phone. We sat there trying to figure out what we could do when the guy that runs the tennis program came up on a golf cart and asked if he could help. He didn’t have the code either, but he attempted a couple of different numbers. They didn’t work. Right then, another camper came to the gate to get in and once he explained the situation to her, she was happy to let us pull in behind her.

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Our site was easy to find and relatively easy to back into. It wasn’t level at all but it tilted in a direction that I could deal with. We were in the camper and ready for bed in twenty minutes.

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Oh, and Mr. FixIt LOVES the camper! It’s so much more inviting with lots of floor space. The beds are a generous 30 inches. Combine that with the double recliner I installed last fall, the camper is really comfortable. It just feels feels much larger…like you can breathe.

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Our campground is on a lake so I’m looking forward to the view with my cuppa RYZE this morning!

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🩵

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”Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”“

\nIsaiah 30:21 NIV\n
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#RoadTrip, #GodKnows, #Virginia

\n\n", "date_published": "2024-04-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/04/25/road-trippin.html", "tags": ["Camping","God","Choices","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/04/08/be-a-good-human.html", "title": "Be a Good Human", "content_html": "\n
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I sat in the car in the parking lot, waiting for the hour of visitation. I called Daughter #1 to pass the time and catch up with her week. She was on spring break and her voice was light and happy and well rested. It did this mama’s heart good. I listened carefully…enjoying every moment I got to hear her voice. It’s hard being so far away from her. When she had shared her latest exploits, it was my turn. I told her I was preparing to do a good human thing. A Pastor friend of mine shared a post asking for community support for a woman I did not know. I rang off and headed inside.

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A woman was sitting inside the funeral home…shell-shocked, red-rimmed eyes, with a stare I immediately recognized as profound grief. I’ve never met this lady, but I know her mama’s heart. She was sitting in a room with her son. Another woman sat silently on the other side of her. Her daughter was laying in what looks like a homemade casket that was painted grey and there was a massive spray of funeral flowers on top. 

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While I stood in line, I looked at a large array of photos carefully attached to a foam core board. A display of this life cut short. I saw photos of the little boy she was while growing up. A serious, sensitive face with deep, soulful eyes. My eyes roamed over her life as she became who she was meant to be so that her outside matched her inside. These photos were profoundly different. Smiling eyes, rolling laughter, silly shenanigans. Her long, soft hair was the color of amber honey. 

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These smiles were deceiving. She was happy to be who she was, but…like so many in the LGBTQ+ community, she was soundly ostracized for her expression of self. Junior High and High School were scarred with relentless bullying till the once happy and bubbly girl retreated and became socially isolated. I don’t know the details of her passing, but I can read between the lines.

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Why did I come here? Because, when my youngest child was growing up, we went through the same things. While she isn’t trans, she is non-binary and that made her different. And different is a target. I came to show this bereft mama bear that she wasn’t alone…that her daughter’s life meant something to the world. The world just wasn’t ready for her. Not here, anyway. Not in WV.

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The local political commercials are chock full of hateful anti-trans rhetoric. Grown-assed adults standing up there in front of the camera spewing fear, hate, and anger all over these humans who are only trying to be left alone to live their lives and do the best they can to figure it all out. What must it be like to KNOW you aren’t wanted? That you are reviled and thought of as less than human? What must that do the adolescent and young adult psyche? It chaps me to no end.

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Why can’t those who profess to be Christian just love like Jesus loves? I read a meme about Jimmy Carter yesterday… “Jimmy Carter is an elegant reminder that Christianity is a practice, not a declaration.” If you love Jesus, act like Him. Show some compassion. Hug a stranger in their grief. And if you hear of a member of the LGBTQ+ community that has passed away in their prime, don’t be afraid to go to the visitation and hug their mama. You DON’T have to agree with the person’s life choices to be a kind and compassionate human. We as a people are so busy judging others, we’re forgetting the most important lesson Jesus left us with. 

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“If you love me, keep my commandments.” 

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Yet Jesus also said, “I give you a new commandment: love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another.”

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Be a good human.

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💔

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”My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.“

\nJohn 15:12-14 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-04-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/04/08/be-a-good-human.html", "tags": ["Grief","Love","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/03/16/progress-and-perfection.html", "title": "Progress and Perfection", "content_html": "\n
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I got right to work on the taxes yesterday morning after having an epiphany during the night. This happens all the time to me. There’s something I need to do and try as I might, I can’t figure it out. So, when I finally remember I’m supposed to be handing all this mishegas to God to take care of, I hand it over and go to sleep. And nine times out of ten, I wake up and know exactly what I need to do to fix the problem. 

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It happened again yesterday morning. I went right to the computer and boom, boom, boom…I had the old taxes right in front of me and I got to work. I wore the headphones a lot yesterday as I worked so Mr. FixIt could watch the TV. I love him dearly. I was finding myself overly annoyed at the television though. I have discovered, if I get up thirty minutes to an hour before he does, I can sit in my Big Red Chair and enjoy that first cup of RYZE in blissful silence. Then, when he gets up, I start breakfast and if he turn Andy Griffith on right away and I can eat and watch with my second cup…Mama is a MUCH nicer human which in turn make Papa much happier.

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Once we get through that, I usually have my sights set on something productive and that’s when I put my noise canceling headphones on and go about my business. I cannot change him. I don’t want to change him. I just want to figure out a way to navigate my day without getting angry at an inanimate object that seems intent on disturbing my peace.

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This brings me to my second discovery. If I reframe the thought “This darned television is making me CRAZY!” into “Hearing the TV on reminds me my husband is still here with me.” When you’ve lost one, you never forget what a huge hole they left in your life. I can’t change him. I don’t WANT to change him. I want him here with me for as long as God grants us to be together this side of Heaven.

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I had to stop working by about 4:30 to get ready for our eldest WV grandchild’s birthday party. They had a houseful and we got to play with the grand-doggies. Ivy is a Bernedoodle, about eighteen months old. And the new baby is Cooper, an 8 week old blonde golden retriever. What cute little fluff nuggets! We had a wonderful time with family.

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My first husband and his family are in my heart this weekend as they lay his only son to rest on Sunday. I chatted with Daughter #1 yesterday afternoon at the airport. She said the side streets were really bad in Denver, but the main streets were clear and dry. DIA didn’t get very much snow at all and flights were moving pretty much on schedule. 

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I’ll head to town this morning and get my hair trimmed. I was thinking I’d cut my bangs again, but when I blew my hair dry last night, I really liked it. So maybe just a trim. I don’t know. I guess I’ll figure it out when I get there.

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I have to spend the day tomorrow getting ready for the trip up to Gail’s for our knitting retreat. It’s really crazy. I have to have my own pillow. I have a small fuzzy baby blanket that I put on top of the pillow that feels more comforting to my skin than a pillowcase. I had a second, slightly larger fuzzy blanket that I fold up and hold against my chest. I’m a side sleeper and this props up the top arm and keeps it from going to sleep. I have a third fuzzy blanket that I use instead of a top sheet because I love the feel of the soft, kinky fabric against my skin. 

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Yes. I’m fully aware that I am high maintenance. That’s not really a problem…because I do the maintaining. We all have our own little quirks…things that make us feel comfortable. The ability to self-comfort is a skill we would all do well to know. I learned a long time ago not to depend on someone else for my happiness and comfort. The fact that I have someone willing and able to provide that and that I can reciprocate is icing on the cake of my life that I do not take lightly or for granted.

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I remember after Mr. Virgo died, I would get so upset with couples who were unkind to each other on the regular. I wanted to shake them and wake them up to the reality of what happens when your person isn’t there anymore. They really don’t get…till it happens to them.

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🌷

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”May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge.”“

\nRuth 2:12 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-03-16T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/03/16/progress-and-perfection.html", "tags": ["Comfort","God","Happiness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/03/02/when-your-heart-hurts.html", "title": "When Your Heart Hurts", "content_html": "\n
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My heart hurts every day. I hate election years. And, let’s face it…when ISN’T it an election year anymore. Between that, the Medicare enrollment period, and the regular news of tragedy after tragedy, we are constantly bombarded with horrific images and rhetoric. So, how do we cope with all these things? I decided to sit down and come up with a list of things I can actively do to help reduce the stress I feel around these uncertain times. I’m sure you can add things, too. Let’s work together to bring more love and light into the world. Here’s what I came up with:

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  1. Above all, I pray and read the Bible. This centers me and keeps me connected to God. He is my anchor in all things.
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  2. I limit my exposure to the news. Watching it play out on TV is much more traumatic than reading the highlights in small bites. I am still well informed. I’m just not so overwhelmed.
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  3. I eat right. A healthy diet goes a long way toward keeping your emotions on an even keel.
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  4. I have a set bedtime every night. I put my phone in “Do Not Disturb” mode and put my electronics down at least thirty minutes before I settle down to sleep. 
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  5. When I lay down and relax to go to sleep and my mind is racing, I take a deep breath. I don’t embrace the thought or give it energy. I tell myself, “There is nothing I can do about this right this moment.” Then I let it go and, of all things, focus on my feet. I move them around a bit, rub them together. Then I hold them still and concentrate on what I can feel. The pressure of one foot on the other. The feel of the sheet on my skin. The pressure of the mattress from below and the blankets up above. I am asleep in five to ten minutes. I have been sleeping a solid eight or nine hours a night with my current regimen. 
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  6. Get some fresh air and exercise every day. I’m not always as good at this as I would like, but I try.
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  7. Find a hobby. I knit, crochet, quilt, sew, paint, and write. These things are great outlets and help relax me.
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  8. Garden. I can’t keep a houseplant alive all winter but I really enjoy my flower gardens in the summer.
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  9. Avoid overspending. It’s easy to shop your way into debt trying to make yourself feel better but it’s only going to come back and compound your stress when the bills come in.
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  10. Find someone to talk to. Go out for coffee. Go for a walk in the park. Check out that new thrift shop around the corner. Find a group of like-minded people to knit with or a book club.
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  11. Be of service to others. Help at a food bank or shelter or the local hospital. Deliver meals to shut-ins. Read to a shut-in. Write handwritten letters to people. 
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  12. Block all those texts and emails you’re getting from political candidates. If you are inclined to donate to your chosen candidate, you don’t need all those intrusions to make you more inclined. For me, it makes me LESS interested in supporting someone that won’t leave me alone.
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  13. Avoid drinking and drugs. They may make you feel a little bit better in the short run, but they are detrimental to your health and wellbeing.
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Send out as much love into the world that you possibly can on a daily basis. Jesus spread love everywhere he went. He didn’t pound people over the head and threaten them to get them to comply. He lead people. He didn’t scare them into following him. 

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Be the love and light of Jesus at every turn. 

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You’ll feel better. We’ll all feel better. Let’s make it a better world.

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🩵

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”“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”“

\nJohn 13:34-35 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-03-02T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/03/02/when-your-heart-hurts.html", "tags": ["Grace","Love","God","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/02/26/a-quiet-sunday.html", "title": "A Quiet Sunday", "content_html": "\n
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My devotional this week has been from Joyce Meyer… “Know Your Enemy.” I knew there had to be a verse in the Bible that would speak to my method of study. Hebrews 4:12 says “The word of God is living and active…” I was speaking with a pastor friend of mine when I was a new Christian. I told him I pick up my Bible every day and ask God to speak into my life the words I need to hear. Then I close my eyes, open the Bible to a random page, and place my finger on the page. Invariably, the verse I select speaks to me in that moment. Unless I select all that begatting in Chronicles.

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This pastor was old school and he was appalled that I would consider using the Bible that way. He compared it to divination. I beg to differ. As Hebrews 4:12 states, the Bible is living and active…always and forever. And when I need to hear from God, I find the fastest way to get there is asking Him to talk to me through His word. He never fails me.

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Mr. FixIt went to the bowling alley and I stayed home to finish these mittens. I’m entering them and a couple of babies into the Girl Camper Raffle. It goes live on March 17th. I’ll be sharing a link when we get closer. I may sew some tote bags or maybe a quilted wall hanging. We’ll see.

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Today is knitting group. I really enjoy these gals and love to see what they’re up to. I’ll take the Dragon Scale Mittens with me to work on. The only thing scheduled this week is a couple of medical appointments, I’m happy to say. More fun at Marshmallow Ranch!

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🩵

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”Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.“

\nPsalms 119:105 NIV\n
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It’s not too often I get up before Mr. FixIt but when I do, I make my cuppa and go sit in my Big Red Chair. When I woke up, there was a misty rain coming down and the world was myriad shades of grey. Within ten minutes, the rain turned to snow and big, puffy, marshmallow flakes came down so hard you couldn’t see across the road. I’m usually done with snow by this time of year, but this was so peaceful and perfect. I turned up the gas fireplace and picked up the book I’ve been reading. It was a good two hours before Mr. FixIt came in looking for me.  

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I doubt there are many married women who don’t covet those quiet moment in the house before the family gets up or after everyone has gone to bed. I know I do. I’ve been on my own a few times in my life, and while I am much happier with my sweetheart…I do like a little quiet time. There’s just entirely too much television noise in this house for my liking. When I get the back bedroom fixed up, I’ll be able to retreat in there and work or read or write when I need a break.

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When Mr. FixIt got up, he offered to make oatmeal for breakfast. Oats with blueberries and sourdough toast, to be exact. I enjoyed my breakfast and knitted for a few hours. I’m making headway on the second mitten for the raffle. Mr. FixIt brought in the mail and I received something I ordered to make a special pair of fingerless gloves for Little’s birthday. They are big into cosplay. I stumbled on this pattern earlier in the week and decided to make them. The gloves have metal scales on them…like a mermaid. I know they’re going to be a big hit!

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Some time in the afternoon, I was looking out the door and saw something on the ridge of the far hill. There were twenty-seven buzzards roosting in the trees. I’ve never seen them up there before. They hung around for over an hour and then when I thought to look again, they were gone. Interesting that they showed up on the 4,000th day. Buzzards symbolize death and rebirth, new vision, and letting go. Mr. Virgo always said if there was any way he could contact me from beyond, he would. The Bible tells us this isn’t possible, but I feel God will bring us warm feelings of our loved ones and impress memories on us that make us feel especially close to those we’ve lost. I stand on that…and the hope of seeing all my loved ones again.

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I made a big pot of chicken and noodles for supper. We’ll have leftovers today. Mr. FixIt will go bowling later tonight and I’ll sit in the Big Red Chair and knit to my heart’s content!

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🩵

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”But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.“

\nJames 1:6 NIV\n
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In just a little over two weeks it will be eleven years since Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly. Today marks another threshold…4,000 days. Four thousand days ago, I couldn’t have imagined ever living through it let alone to find a life. A happy life. Time is sneaky it can crawl or it can fly. I’ve learned to live in the present while remembering the past. Sometime’s it honestly feels as though I never had him. Others…it’s like it was yesterday. I’ve navigated the past, created a beautiful present and still have hope for the future. 

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Mr. FixIt and I had a lovely day yesterday. It rained a lot with lightning and thunder and fog. It was the perfect kind of at-home day with my sweetie. I knitted for a while working on the mittens. I chatted with friends and participated in my brother’s yearly evaluation via video chat. I made salmon patties for supper. And knitted some more. 

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Last night when I was taking my evening meds, I sat down and really looked at all the vitamins, supplements, and medications I’m taking. I thought I was just taking 1000iu of Vitamin D. Turns out I was taking 3000iu daily! Up till just a couple of months ago, I was taking 4000iu. It’s no wonder I was spilling calcium in my urine.. I’ve stopped everything with Vit D in it but my women’s 50+ multivitamin. And I made an executive decision. If you stop everything, you don’t know which thing you stopped really made the difference. There are so many positive benefits I’ve discovered from RYZE. I quit the one with Chaga, but I’m not quitting RYZE till I see if the other changes have fixed the calcium issue. 

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I haven’t had a single anxiety attack since I started RYZE. No more muscle cramps. No more joint pain. No more reflux. No more sleepless nights. I really don’t want to go backwards. It’s only for six months and if all the other changes don’t make a difference, I’ll totally quit. That being said, I was a happy little camper yesterday morning when I took that first sip of the elixir of the gods.

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We have to go with what Spirit tells us. I really feel this is what I’m supposed to do.

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🩵

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”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.“

\nJeremiah 29:11 NIV\n
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Loving your enemies isn’t easy, is it? Jesus loved the men who crucified him because he understood they didn’t know who He really was or what they were doing. He even asked God to forgive them. That’s huge. It boggles my mind. I can’t count how many times I’ve had incongruous thoughts about others who have wronged me or others I care about. I am a fallible human and I fall every day, but I keep on trying.

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Mr. FixIt and I “had coffee” with our dear friends over FaceTime the other day. Our political persuasions are in tune with each other and we often discuss current events during our visits. At one point, the conversation turned to “forgiveness.” As a Christian, we are bound to follow Jesus’ example and forgive others. 

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Matthew 6:14-15 says, “If you forgive others their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” It’s not optional. It’s not a suggestion. It’s mandatory.

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The Bible also says, “Do not judge, or you will be judged.” There’s a lot going on in Matthew.

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In the Message translation of Galatians 5:19-21 it says there are sins that will keep you out of heaven… “It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn’t the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God’s kingdom.”

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Let me draw your attention to part of that scripture… “the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival.” This is what many are doing in this country. We don’t need to devolve into who’s doing what and point fingers…too many are doing it and it’s ripping the fabric of our decency…our core values. We can be better than this. We MUST be better than this. It breaks my heart to see people act this way.

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There are some we simply cannot forgive. Jesus says in Luke 13:3,5, “Unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.” We cannot read into Luke 24:34, “Father forgive them; for they know not what they do.” That was in regard to those who were crucifying him. You cannot correlate that with the Nazis and the Holocaust, for instance. The Nazis did not repent and ask for forgiveness of the Jews. 

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I’ve read that all are forgiven of their sins through Christ’s blood. But not all are saved if they have not repented and laid down their sins. Which circles us back around to forgiveness. Where I find myself is this…while I may not love the actions of some, it is not my place to judge them. I do not like what they do, yet I know we are all fallible. So I turn my energies to taking the log out of my own eye, and praying for the souls of others. 

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This brings me some measure of peace in these turbulent times. 

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🙏🏼

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”“Don’t pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults—unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It’s easy to see a smudge on your neighbor’s face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, ‘Let me wash your face for you,’ when your own face is distorted by contempt? It’s this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.“

\nMatthew 7:1-5 MSG\n
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Mr. FixIt and I enjoyed a quiet day yesterday. I fixed my favorite breakfast…grits and eggs. We watch a few episodes of Bull then I went downstairs to play in my studio. I knitted up the pieces for a little teddy bear that I’ll piece together today at knitting group. He substituted on the bowling team last night so I had a quiet evening in front of the “fire.” I turned on a video of a crackling fireplace, made a nice cup of Massala Chai, and settled into the Big Red Chair. I was in hog heaven!

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It’s hard to believe this is the last week of January! We don’t have a lot on our schedule right now. An appointment in town today after knitting group. Mr. FixIt’s birthday is Thursday. I keep looking for a time on the calendar when I’m free enough to spend a few days at The Farm. Maybe I can get away this weekend for a couple of days. We’ll see.

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I purchased an Echo Show for my brother. It arrived this week and my friend Alice will be setting it up for him next weekend. I talked to him last night and told him we would be able to video chat soon and his main concern was making sure we had clothes on when we call. I reassured him and told him we don’t just drop in on each other. It’s sort of like a phone call…you don’t have to pick up. You just don’t answer if you aren’t presentable. He’s learned so much in the last twenty years since Mom died, but he has trouble comprehending some things.

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I am so grateful God brought him to this place in Colorado. For those of you who may not remember, my brother has cerebral palsy and had always lived at home with Mom. When she died after a brief illness in 2004, he wanted to come to Colorado to live near me. I went to the agency to enroll him for the residential program only to be told there was a ten year waiting list. I was not a Christian at that point, yet I prayed if this was His will, would He please intervene and get him accepted. Three days later, I received a phone call saying my brother had been approved for emergency funding since his primary caregiver had died. They said that wasn’t unusual…you just fill out a form and they approve it. However, they also had an unexpected opening in one of the houses which was highly unusual. But, here’s where it got really interesting…they called everyone on the ten year waiting list and no one could move in by the end of the month. So, if I could get him there…the spot was his! I was dumbfounded and that was the beginning of my search for a relationship with Jesus.

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God is so good to us…all the time!

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🩵

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”And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.“

\nPhilippians 4:19 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2024-01-29T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2024/01/29/a-cozy-day-at-home.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2024/01/02/day-one.html", "title": "Day One: 2024", "content_html": "\n
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New Year, New Project. Crocheting a scrappy yarn basket to use up some of my stash. Use it Up!!!

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New Year’s Day. A clean slate. An unwritten book with 365 pages. It’s exciting and filled with hope for great things. What we need to remember is…it’s not infallible. We will not do it perfectly. We’ll make mistakes and we’ll be so tempted to give up and say, “See? Nothing works out!” Or “I knew it was too good to be true!” Spending our lives waiting for the other shoe to drop then giving up and going back to what clearly didn’t work last year isn’t the answer. Flexibility is the name of the game. Flexibility and determination. That’s how you’ll keep coming back and trying again.

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I took a four day break from Noom to enjoy the end of the year…guilt free. I’m sure when I get back on the scale this morning, the number will be higher than it was before…but that little number doesn’t define who I am or quantify my worth. All I have to do is get up, recommit to my program, and follow through with the steps I need to meet my goals. That applies to everything in life. When I was abusing alcohol and prescription medications, I had to face my addictions every day as if it were the first.

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I chose sobriety on January 6, 2000. Or rather…it chose me. I overdosed with a lethal cocktail and through the grace of God, I survived it. It’s not enough to survive, though. You need to learn to thrive or else you can stay in the victim seat…and that’s no way to live either.

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I’ve been blessed to have the people and the resources to get my life back on track. Sobriety is not just a young person’s game. It’s never too late to make changes in your life. Make a decision. Look for the resources to support you. Look for even the smallest of achievements and praise yourself when you make them. And forgive yourself when you slip. Then get back up and start again, no matter how many times you need to.

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Through a lot of prayer, study, therapy, and deep introspection, I learned that my addictions stemmed from my inability to love and forgive…myself and others… for things that happened as far back as I can remember. It took me far too long to let go and let God run my life instead of me trying to hold the reins. It took learning to trust that He had plans for me…that He loved me…and that, since I was made in His image…I needed to love myself.

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Yes…it’s a new year of new beginnings. I pray your very first choice this year is to love God…and love yourself. You are so worthy of love, dear one.

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🩵

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”You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.“

\nSong of Solomon 4:7 ESV\n
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I’ll put icing on these today before we sit down with our chili and pulled pork sandwiches.

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Mr. FixIt and I both worked on the house yesterday. He’s great with the vacuum and…God bless him…he cleans the toilets. Let’s just say my aim is far more accurate. Why is it men can see a buck on the hillside three football fields away, but they can’t hit an 18” vessel when they’re standing right in front of it? Am I the only one this bothers? I didn’t raise boys…just husbands,, so I guess my tolerance is a little lower! lol

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I made cinnamon rolls yesterday. And some of that Orange Fluff that my friend Colleen served at our knitting group Christmas party. Then we got the call that my daughter-in-law tested positive for Covid, darn it! We decided to split the party. One half is coming tomorrow with the four littles, and the rest will come at a later date for their Christmas. While I’m really disappointed, it has cut my food prep in half.

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I was up early and for the first time in a long time, Mr. FixIt slept in late and I sat in my big comfy chair and did my Bible study in a quiet house. My dear friend Gail gave me a wonderful Bible for my daily study. It is the One Step Closer Bible that Candace Cameron Burge worked on in collaboration with DaySpring. Each page has space to write notes and capture your thoughts.

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I had my Ryze mushroom coffee, my fuzzy blanket on my lap and I was a happy camper. When I was a new widow, I couldn’t focus long enough to read the Bible and get much out of it. I figured God would understand and I was sure to absorb something. 

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I prayed and asked God to show me a way to find help for my pain. One day I picked up my Bible and prayed. I told God everything that was on my heart and what I was facing that particular day. I sat quietly for a moment, then opened my Bible randomly placed my finger on the page. I was stunned. The passage was exactly what I was asking for. God sent me an answer.

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I did this over and over, day after day thinking it must have been a fluke…a coincidence. But, no. Every time…there was my answer. Even when I was in so much pain I couldn’t even formulate the question, the Lord brought me comforting words every day. The key to this working is to go to the fountain for the drink. You can’t get fed if you don’t come to the table.

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I still do this and it still fills me with a sense of wonder that my God wants to meet me every day, exactly where I am…in the moment. The ultimate practice of mindfulness. It sets me up for a day where I feel balanced…wearing the full armor. And my day just goes so much better. I don’t have the corner on the market on this. I’ve spoken with others that do the same thing. I spoke to the Pastor at my home church in Colorado and he told me I couldn’t read the Bible this way. “It’s not an Ouija board to summon God!” I said, “No, it’s not. But it is my ‘phone booth’ where I get to talk to and hear from God during the most painful time of my life. So I would think you would encourage me to continue talking with Him every day…no matter how I go about it.” I feel very strongly about that. 

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You are so loved. You are enough. You are worthy. You are good. You are beautiful. And God loves you more than you could ever imagine. I know I got preachy here, but I felt compelled to tell you you’re doing a great job. Just keep going!

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🩵

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”No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.“

\n1 John 4:12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-12-30T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/12/30/my-morning-with-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/12/13/we-have-a-new-roof.html", "title": "We Have a New Roof!", "content_html": "\n
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God has taken care of us in ways we could never imagine. We went into the year with three vehicles, a leaky roof, and somewhere along the way the furnace died.  We’re going out with the money from the totaled car, a surprise warranty on the heat exchanger, and a guy that knocked on our door and asked if we needed someone to finish our roof. We had a pallet of shingles sitting at the end of the house for the last year, and he was just driving by.

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What a nice guy. He had a crew of helpers who worked so hard in this cold. While I’ve enjoyed the the warmth of my house, knitting hats. So, yesterday I decided these young men needed a nice warm hat. I had several hats made for gifts, so I tucked a little folding money in each one, and gave them each a hug. I made some comment like, “Call your mother, she worries.” One of them turned to me and said his mother had died in 2009. Then the next month, his father died, and the next month, his grandmother died, as well. Bless his heart. I wanted to adopt them and bake them cookies. 

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So, it may be slim pickin’s here for Christmas, but my heart is full and I have a boatload of yarn, and the time to knit it up! We had a wonderful meal seated at our dining room table. Our house is warm and clean. We have food in the pantry and freezer. We have to look for the silver linings of life and be grateful for what we have. 

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Today’s post is dedicated to my dear friend, Sparky. Gone two years now, but forever in my heart. Two separate people, on opposite ends of the country have told me she came to them and said, “Don’t you worry about me…I’m doing fine. You’ll come along one of these times. But don’t you hurry. Live your life! There’s live music up here!!!”

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You are deeply missed, Sparky.

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🎄

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”Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.“

\n1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-12-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/12/13/we-have-a-new-roof.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","God","Farm Life","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/11/23/thanksgiving-is-a-verb.html", "title": "Thanksgiving is a Verb", "content_html": "\n
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Yesterday didn’t go quite as planned. Some of the calls I wanted to make were to places that are bound to be closed until Monday, so I had my list on the desk. Mr. FixIt ordered up scrambled eggs, ham, and toast. Once that was done and the dishes were washed, I started into the office to get after my list. That’s when he asked me if I had called about his ring.

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During our first year together, they found something wrong with Mr. FixIt’s blood. They thought maybe he had some kind of leukemia and we started down the road of tests, tests, and more tests. I knew in the back of his mind, he was worried about a lot of things… not the least of which was how new our relationship was. I didn’t want one minute of his energy spent on worrying about whether I’d be there for the long haul. 

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I went to the mall one afternoon and happened to see a handsome men’s ring on sale. I decided that was the perfect way let him know I wasn’t going anywhere. I bought him the ring, and the night before his bone marrow biopsy, I gave it to him and looked him straight in the eye. 

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“I’m not going anywhere. You just focus on being well, ok?”

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Mr. FixIt was completely taken aback. His heart melted and I think his lower lip quivered a little. He wrapped his arms around me and thanked me profusely.

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That ring ended up as his wedding band. It’s two-toned gold with a row of channel-set diamonds. Somewhere along the way, he lost one of the diamonds and we had the ring repaired. I was glad I bought the lifetime warrantee. Well, when we got back from camping at the beach, he looked down and noticed a diamond missing again. This time there was a problem. 

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I couldn’t find the warranty.

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I looked in all the usual places. The lockbox at the bank. Our safe at home. In my jewelry box. Try as I might… I simply could not find it. The jewelry store I bought the ring from is no long in business here so I called their corporate office. I was hoping they could look up the warranty by my phone number or address. But everyone I called had no record of it. When Mr. FixIt asked me yesterday if I’d called on his ring, I knew I was going to have to try a different tactic.

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I needed to find that warranty and I needed God’s help.

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As I walked down the hallway, I said, “Lord, please help me find those papers! My sweetheart is missing his ring.” I walked into the back bedroom which is really just a repository for boxes of “stuff” and… I’m not kidding. I literally walked straight over to a white laundry basket, picked up the papers on the top, and… there was the warranty!!!

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I couldn’t believe it! I broke into a big smile and looked up. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!”

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I walked straight to the living room and held the papers up for Mr. FixIt to see.

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“You found them???”

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“No,” I said. “God did! He just led me to them!”

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I called the number on the papers, filed a claim, and in ten minutes I had the shipping label and the order form printed out. 

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“Ask and ye shall receive.” “Seek and ye shall find.” “Knock and it shall be opened unto you.”

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Ask, seek, and knock are action words. You must DO something. The same is turn about thanksgiving. It’s not just a day to eat turkey and watch football. It’s the day to give thank and GIVE is an action word.

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I’m giving thanks for many things today. I have a wonderful husband whom I love. I have a wonderful family that I am looking forward to visiting with via Skype today. I have a home with a furnace that’s working. I have good, healthy food to prepare today. I have friends, new and old. I have a God who helps me with the littlest things in life. And, I have you all to share my life with on a daily basis. I am so incredibly grateful for everything in my life.

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May you find yourself feeling God’s presence… today and every day. I love you all!

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Thank you!!!

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🍁🦃🍁

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“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.”

\nPsalms 107:1 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-11-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/11/23/thanksgiving-is-a-verb.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","God","Holiday","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/11/11/its-always-good-to-get.html", "title": "It’s Always Good to Get Home", "content_html": "\n
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I packed and cleaned up at The Farm before I could fritter away too much time. Mr. FixIt had an appointment in town at 1:00 and he needed the truck. We’re kinda down to one vehicle at the moment. There are a few things we have to do to his before we can use it again. I got home about 20 minutes before he had to leave. He looks even better than he did when I left on Tuesday, which did my heart good. He has his sparkle back in his eyes. He still gets tired pretty easy, but he’s SO much better!

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The Former Mrs. FixIt, our daughter, and our great granddaughter dropped in on Mr. FixIt on Thursday. They had been out in the country to the burial service for one of Little Bit’s great grandmothers on the paternal side. They didn’t come in a sit because they were in a hurry to get back to town, but Little Bit needed to use the potty so they stopped in. When they came back out, she looked up and studied Mr. FIxIt.

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“Papaw,” she said. “Your house is a wreck!!!”

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Mr. FixIt laughed and said, “Well, that’s all the stuff we took out of the camper when we were done camping for the year.” 

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“Well, you’d better go put that stuff back in the camper!”

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She’s not wrong. She has never been in this house when it was in disarray. I can’t stand it when it gets like this. It doesn’t happen often, but we just haven’t had the time to stop and clean everything up. We hit the ground running as soon as we got back from the beach. Then Mr. FixIt got Covid. And things came to a standstill. I took a before photo, because I rarely do that. I don’t like to admit I’m not a neat and tidy internet superstar with nothing left out of place, because I’m not. I’m just gal who loves the outdoors more than cleaning the house. And sometimes that shows!

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As soon as he left for his appointment in town, I got to work. I went through both big trunks of camping stuff. I took the food items and put them away in the pantry. I wiped down and tidied up the rest of it getting all of the utensils, kitchen tools, and trailer goods in one trunk to wait for next camping season. The other trunk is ready for food goods.

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My next project was to tackle the huge tote of yarn that my friend Steve brought out to me a couple of months ago. It was all of his late wife’s yarn and crochet projects and, if I didn’t have two other tubs of yarn, I might have kept it. All of her yarn was acrylic and I usually just knit with natural fibers. I went through it, untangling a mess of yarn and winding the different colors in balls. I picked out what I thought I would use, and now I have two big bags of yarn to take over to the Former Mrs. FixIt’s next week for her to browse. What she doesn’t want will go on over to our daughter’s house. And if she doesn’t want it, she can pay it forward someplace else like a senior center. I can guarantee it’s not going to be wasted.

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When Mr. FixIt got home, he was starving so I made Chicken Parmesan again. I tried moving it from the iron skillet to a covered baking dish and I didn’t like it nearly as well. The coating was not crispy at all like it had been in the iron skillet. To keep the sauce from picking up a bitter metallic taste, I’ll bake it in the iron skillet and heat the sauce up separately. Then I can serve the chicken on a bed of pasta and pour the sauce over all. It was still good. It’s just the texture that didn’t cut it for me.

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I’ll hit the family room this morning and see if I can get it in good shape. I want to put up the tree next week. I did hang up one decoration. When my new friend Lonnie closed her little antique mall in East Palestine this fall, she was so distraught. Her home is unlivable because it’s so close to where the train derailed. They ended up buying another house some distance away where they will feel safer… away from the trains. I went into her shop on a nudge. I met her before and I just loved talking to her. But this day, the Holy. Spirit moved me to go in and check on her. We ended up sitting on small stools behind the counter… our knees touching, clapping hands together and I prayed fervently for her to find her way through this and for the Lord to bring her peace with this decision. We prayed for quite some time and eventually her tears lessoned and she breathed a big sigh. 

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Another customer came in so I browsed around the shop and bought a boatload of things that I love. I admired a wreath she had made. She said when things come into her shop that are special, but not necessarily sellable, she sticks them in a box for inspirations later. Then when the box is full, she makes something with them. She made a gorgeous wreath for her Mom with the best of the trinkets. Then she made this one. She decided not to take it with her when she moves, so she put a price on it and put it in the shop.

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I already had so many things by the time I saw the wreath, I just decided it wasn’t going to come home with me because I just couldn’t justify spending that much more and I really didn’t want to put the treasures back that I had picked out. When it was time to pay for my purchases, I had to take several trips to the truck. When I came in the last time, she handed me a big Christmas wrapped package. 

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“Here. I really want you to have this. Your visit today has helped me so much, you have no idea. I want you to decorate with this and think of me every year when you hang it up. I hugged her again, thanked her profusely, and walked out with this stunning Christmas wreath that I will treasure for the rest of my born days. I was Lonnie’s God Appointment that day, and it turns out… she was mine.

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💙

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“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”

\nGalatians 6:9 ESV\n
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This little Santa and Elf are just too cute to not post again!

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-11-11T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/11/11/its-always-good-to-get.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","God","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/11/06/consider-yourself-but-trust-god.html", "title": "Consider Yourself But Trust God", "content_html": "\n
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I spent most of the day at the computer instead of knitting. As my friend Janine reminds me, I can knit at the book signings. This stuff isn’t going to write itself. The rough draft is just that. A rough presentation of ALL the ideas and stories. But, unless I’m planning to publish a tome the size of War & Peace, a lot has to be trimmed. So much of my story and the things I have gone through involve other people. People I love and respect. People whose friendships I treasure. I simply cannot write a story that might, even inadvertently, cast a disparaging view on those I care about. 

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I wrote the story as it happened, but that version will likely never see the light of day. That was for my own catharsis. And it has been therapeutic to get the words down where I could actually sit and read the whole story. As I was going over the rough draft, I saw several directions different segments of what I’d written could go. So that was what I worked on yesterday. Trimming, cutting and pasting, putting things in some semblance of order to achieve the primary goal of the book. I have learned to consider myself and my gut instincts, but I trust God and His direction.

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I found a great program for word processing, created BY a writer FOR writers. It’s called Atticus and I’m telling you, it’s wonderful. It’s so easy and creates your outline for you as you write. It’s intuitive and easy to pick up from the get go. I think it will make this job a lot easier.

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One of the reasons I drag my feet when it’s time to work on this is the feelings that come along with it. Just because ten years have passed doesn’t mean the story doesn’t still affect me. It’s hard to go back and face what it was really like to go through the acute stages of profound grief. Knowing I can do in with kindness and respect makes the job easier for me.

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Mr. FixIt did some outside chores in the afternoon. He had a large canopy set up in the driveway so he could store things under it while he replaced the garage door that was destroyed late this summer. Everything got put away except for the metal frame of the structure so that came down yesterday. He also went out to the creek to dig out the drainage ditch to keep water away from our foundation.There is always something to do around here.

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I think I told you in yesterday’s post that I heard a tree crashing in the woods across the road from the near field. Well, Saturday night when I was going to bed, I heard another one crash down. This one was even bigger. Last evening I drove over to our little village to the Piggly Wiggly to get a few basics. As I put the groceries in the truck, I heard yet ANOTHER tree fall. This time it was somewhere behind the Pig. It wasn’t really windy when any of these trees fell. I don’t know what could be behind it, but I do keep a watchful eye when I’m around trees. 

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We’re making our holiday plans. We’ve decided to have the family Thanksgiving Dinner at the former Mrs. FixIt’s house and Christmas Dinner at ours this year. Then, we can either switch next year, or just keep it that way. When there is a blended family involved, it benefits the kids and grandkids to not feel obligated to go to so many dinners at so many places. Of course, this only works if you can be in the same room with your ex’s family. I know there are some who simply cannot do this. I am incredibly blessed to have fostered a loving and kind relationship with the Former Mrs. FixIt and with the rest of the West Virginia family and I’m really looking forward to all the fun we’re going to have this holiday season!

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Looking over the calendar for the week, I see that the knitting group I want to join is meeting this morning at 9:00. Which, to my body, is 10:00 till it gets acclimated to the time change. Which also means, I’m going to want to fall asleep at O-Dark:30! Ugh. I don’t like the time change and I wish they’d make up their mind already and just keep it Daylight Savings Time. We have a list of things to do this week that would choke a horse. Best o just take one bite at a time of this apple and get it done!

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🍁

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“Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds!”

\nLuke 12:24 ESV\n
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Merry Christmas! I love this cheery Red and White ornament! It reminds me of Scandinavian sweaters. How pretty for a tree or for someone on your gift list.

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\n\n", "date_published": "2023-11-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/11/06/consider-yourself-but-trust-god.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","God","Writing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/11/05/a-last-night-camping.html", "title": "A Last Night Camping", "content_html": "\n
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Last winter, I spent many nights sleeping in the camper. I love a cold room and a warm bed. I’ve been sleeping in the house since we got back from our camping trip to the beach and my body has become acclimated to a warmer room. Mr. FixIt and I have been working hard this week trying to make up for the lost time while he was so sick with Covid. So, I rewarded myself with a campout Friday night.

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Wow! I piled on the covers and turned on the little space heater that I use in the camper. Once I warmed up, I got way too hot. I turned off the heater, turned down the electric blanket, and took off the comforter I had stacked on top. I drifted off to sleep, but I kept waking up feeling cold. Up went the electric blanket and the blanket. Too hot. Up, down. Up, down. I even considered going in the house, but that meant I’d have to get up and actually go outside in the cold. I rummaged around in the closet and found the wool hat I knitted a couple of months ago. I put it on and I was fine. I slept well the rest of the night.

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When I got up and checked the temperature, I fully expected it to be in the low thirties. It was 46! Hokey smokes! That’s not nearly as cold as some of the nights I slept in the camper last winter. So, I took my stuff in the house and that will probably be the last of the camping for the season, unless it’s REALLY warm.

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We are still playing catch up around here. We took the canopy off the pergola and put it away. Several of the zip ties that hold up the string of market lights had deteriorated from the sunlight, so I replaced them. We threw away the old chair cushions and stowed all the deck furniture to the side for the winter. Mr. FixIt took the ladder out of the pool. I put away various tools and yard items so now the back of the house looks neater. I trimmed the dead branches off the peony bush and found one lonely Maypop bulb so I spread the seeds out on a paper town to dry for next year. I heard a big tree fall in the woods across the road from the near field. Thank goodness it didn’t fall across the road or where it could hurt anyone or damage anything.

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There’s still a lot to be done around here. I’ve been working on my book and I came to the conclusion…I actually have two books there. I have an accountability partner and we met yesterday on FaceTime. She has written several books and is quite knowledgeable about the whole process. She gave me some valuable input that I’ll put to use this week. In the meantime, I’m taking tomorrow off and I’ll sit and knit some. You know what they say about all work and no play.

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Mr. FixIt continues to improve for which I am most grateful. He’ll wear a mask now, that’s for sure. He doesn’t want to get this again! I hope you have a blessed Sunday!

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🍁

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“Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”

\nHebrews 13:16 ESV\n
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#Grace, #God, #Gratitude

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-11-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/11/05/a-last-night-camping.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/11/04/more-winter-prep.html", "title": "More Winter Prep", "content_html": "\n
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I’d love to have a staff like Martha Stewart. Just take all my great ideas and assign the bulk of the heavy lifting to my wonderfully creative staff and I could get SO much more done, right? I made the huge mistake of asking Mr. FixIt what he wanted for breakfast. In my mind, a nice bowl of cereal would have worked great with my schedule. However, my sweetheart set his sights on poached eggs and toast. So, poached eggs and toast it was. And, I’ve made a serious commitment to never leave the kitchen till the dishes are done and everything is wiped down and ready for the next meal.

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I sat down at the computer with my mushroom coffee. I got everything set up to work and got a solid hour in, but it wasn’t on NaNoWriMo. It was on a design I’ve had dancing around in my head that needed doing. When I went to get my second cup of RYZE, Mr. FixIt asked if I was ready to start mowing. Uhhhh, sure! With no second cup, I slipped on my shoes and went out to mulch up the leaves. The good part of that was only mowing over the outer 8-10’ of the perimeter because that’s where the leaves fall. It was actually a beautiful day…sweatshirt weather.

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Once I got that part of the job finished, I needed to fill the bird feeders for the first time this fall. I cleaned out the fridge in the camper and turned it off. I also went through the freezer in the garage and threw away anything that was freezer burned. I tidied up around the outside of the house and put away tools and things that we won’t be using anymore. I did some laundry. Everything looked neat and tidy when I was finished. 

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And it was time to make supper.

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I could complain that it is all I do…cook, clean, mow, write. Then I remember the poor people in Gaza who don’t have food and water. I have the absolute privilege of living in a comfortable home that isn’t being bombed. I don’t have to break the bank when something needs fixed. When I started supper and Mr. FixIt asked if we had French fries, I have the convenience of a car that runs and is full of gas and a store less than three miles away where I can buy good food. And I have a healthy husband to cook for. I thank God every day for all the many blessings in my life. It is a joy to just be alive!

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I had a couple of hours to myself last evening and got caught up on the things I wanted to do in the office. 

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Priorities. Privilege. Purpose. Prayer. I want for nothing.

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🍁

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“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.”

\n2 Corinthians 9:8 ESV\n
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Merry and Bright…this reminds me of two-color Norwegian Sweaters. Something nice and comforting on cold winter nights.

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\n\n", "date_published": "2023-11-04T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/11/04/more-winter-prep.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","Comfort","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/11/03/how-god-works.html", "title": "How God Works", "content_html": "\n
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I want to tell you all about another example of how God takes care of his children. You know our furnace has been on the fritz this fall. We’ve tried everything we knew how to do, but through process of elimination, it became apparent the problem was bigger than we could handle. We also came to the conclusion it was the heat exchanger gone bad. That’s only the single most expensive part on a furnace and a bear to fix.

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There are many furnace companies in and around our area we could call. But the bigger the company, the bigger the chunk taken out of your wallet. As with many of you, we are living on a fixed income so big ticket items take some planning. And we have more than one big ticket item that needs done. The furnace, and the roof. 

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We figured we could put off the roof till next year by painting sealant around the chimney flashing so we could focus on the furnace. Well, two things happened. Mr. FixIt’s buddy Jeff called to give us the phone number of an independent contractor who is a trained heating and refrigeration tech. He’s used this company before and recommended them as thorough, knowledgeable, and affordable. 

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The furnace guy came yesterday at 8:30AM. I’ve been working with Mr. FixIt enough on this to know what to listen for and what to ask so I dealt with the service person. Mr. FixIt is still distancing himself from people for a while after his bout with Covid. I led the gentleman into the basement and told him what we have done and what symptoms we’ve been noticing. He tore into the furnace and took a video of the inside of the firebox and showed it to me. The heat exchanger was riddled with holes. It’s a wonder the house hasn’t burned down or given us carbon monoxide poisoning!

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He left with the promise that he would get an estimate to us by the end of the day and he would also check to see if the part was under warranty. They called back at 6:00PM and said the furnace IS still under warranty so we only have to pay for labor… a HUGE savings! Now we can call the roofer and get them started before the snow flies.

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We have discussed this and how we could swing two big jobs without breaking our budget. In comes part three of the story. I truly believe that God took the Lincoln back because we needed these two things MORE. Because, the total of both jobs is almost exactly what insurance paid us for the car when it was totaled!

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It is times like this that we look at each other in total awe at how incredibly good God is to us! I don’t even worry about things anymore because I know for a fact they always work out the way God wants them to. We aren’t in control of that. That’s not our business. Our business is to praise God for his loving care and goodness.

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Most of my day was spent at the computer again. I have edited a total of 30,313 words in two days. I’ve created new designs for my shop. I cooked a great meal and we’re keeping up with a beautifully clean and organized kitchen and pantry. Mr. FixIt is feeling better every day. He even mulched some leaved today with the push mower! We’re keeping warm with the two gas stoves. We’re just about firing on all cylinders here and things are going smoothly at Marshmallow Ranch.

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🍁

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“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

\nPhilippians 4:19 ESV\n
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This nostalgic Golden Snowman will look beautiful on any tree. I also makes a unique gift tag!

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Shop Now

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The Wooly Bear Caterpillar or Wooly Worm

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I’m sure you have heard many sayings about the weather. “In like a lion, out like a lamb.” Here in the hills of West Virginia, we put a lot of stock in some of this lore. My grandma used to say if the leaves of a tree turn upside down, rain is coming. There’s some scientific truth to that. When a cold front moves in, hot air rises and the current upward shows the undersides of certain leaves before the rain comes.

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The Carolina or Giant Wolf Spider, hanging out in the camp restroom.

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One story that intrigues me is that of the wooly bear caterpillar…aka, the wooly worm. Grandma always said there were thirteen weeks of the winter season and there are thirteen rings on a wooly worm. The black rings allegedly indicate harsh weather and the brown predict a milder winter season. I caught this wooly worm out in our field the other day and, if the folk tales are to believed, it looks like we could have a few weeks of mild weather in the middle of winter with harsher conditions in the later half. Let’s remember to revisit that along towards spring, shall we?

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We had several days of really chilly weather here while we were at the beach. What happens in mid to late October after the first real cold snap is something we all dread. The Stink Bugs and Asian Lady Beetles come out of the woodwork and into your house. Yuck! I noticed several lady beetles around the storm door yesterday and stink bugs have been showing up in and around the camper for a few days now. I’ve heard of home remedies for these things, so I’m going to have to do some research and get after them before I have to get the vacuum out to suck them up by the dozens. 

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Scorpion Fly…I found one of these on my windshield this fall.

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So, as I was writing this, I opened my email program to see if I could find a message I was looking for. As soon as the app opened, I knew something was going on. I have over 60K unread messages in my inbox normally. Yeah, I know…it drives my daughter crazy, but I just can’t be bothered to clean it up all the time. Anyway, the mailbox was flipping like an old black and white TV that needs adjusting. It said it was downloading 16 messages. I waited for them to download and it turns out they were the first emails Mr. Virgo ever sent me back in October of 2005 when we were communicating through match.com!!! The first one that downloaded was from…October 20th!!! 👀  Ok…it’s Halloween season and that’s spooky. But, I smiled and said, “Well, hello there! It’s been a long time since I’ve heard from you!”

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I know there’s a lot of scary and ugly things going on in the world right now. I think this is maybe God’s way of sending a message that would catch my attention. “Just keep your eyes looking upward and do your best to spread My Light and Love to your fellow brethren.” Stay safe out there, my friends. Better times will come…He promised.

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🍁

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““And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, and your young men shall see visions.”

\nJoel 2:28 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-10-20T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/10/20/old-wives-tales-and-emails.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/09/26/gods-paintbrush-v-my-own.html", "title": "God’s Paintbrush v My Own", "content_html": "\n
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I’ve watched “influencers” reveal how they make everything look perfect. They clean a four foot section of their kitchen and it makes you think they live like that. Here, you’ll see that there isn’t a cover on that outlet behind the toaster. It’s way far away from water and any of my activity. It’s been like that since I moved in here in 2017. It’s just one of the things we’ll get around to when we get a “round tuit!” Anyway, when you squint, the painting looks sort of realistic. I painted it plein aire on top of Ajax Mountain in Aspen many years ago. ?

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I’ve dabbled in art all my life. Being a creative is wonderful. Being a creative who is also a Gemini is crazy making. Because…I want to do ALL the things! And when I want to do ALL the things, I need ALL the supplies. And by the time I’ve gathered ALL the supplies and proven to myself I can do the THINGS fairly well…I’m bored with it and once again head out to learn ALL the things. It is a vicious cycle and a treadmill I struggle to keep from dying on.

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“Mahi Mahi” The Big Island of Hawaii, 1997 - Colored Pencil on Bristol - I caught a 27# Mahi Mahi deep sea fishing off the Kona Coast of Hawaii and was so sad to learn, when it dies…it turns grey.

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I notice art in all things. The soft curve of a baby’s ear. The way a spider’s eyes sparkle in the dark. The way clouds make hearts and unicorns in the sky. I struggle to recreate what I see because I so want to be an “artist”. My dear friend Marion is a very talented artist and she wisely told me, “The way to become an artist is to print up business cards and put ‘Artist’ under your name.” I still suffer imposter syndrome about much of my talents, but I’ve gained a lot of confidence since I started writing this blog.

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An Angelfish of some sort I spotted snorkling in the Caribbean.

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I was looking for a box that has doilies and dresser scarves in it the other day when I came across a portfolio of some of my drawing from the ‘90s. I was desperately trying to find myself back then. I was in my 40’s, with bookend babies…one 16 years old and the other a newborn. I started writing poetry and short stories but lacked the confidence to pursue it. What art I did usually ended up in the trash can or in this portfolio. I must have liked it because I kept it even after purging my personal property after Mr. Virgo died.

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“Peace Through Understanding”, c. ~1997, Colored Pencil on Bristol

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“The Girl’s Room”, c. 1997, Colored Pencil on Bristol

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“Seeking Hashem”, C. 1997, Pencil on Rag Paper

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I am not sure I’ve ever shared these with you so I’m stepping out on a limb. Some are quite amateurish…others, not too bad. God gives us all gifts. Of all sorts. But nothing will ever compare to the art of God’s own hands that He blesses us with every single day. So, before I chicken out…I’ll post some of them here. Picasso I am not. Neither am I Shakespeare. But, my work is my own and it makes me smile every single time. Someday, my grandkids’ grandkids might smile, too.

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And now…”God’s Art, My Camera”

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? ?‍? ?️ ?️

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“We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us…”

\nRomans 12:6 NIV\n
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#Gifts, #Art, #God

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Hello Fall…Hello October!

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-09-26T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/09/26/gods-paintbrush-v-my-own.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","God","Art"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/09/01/a-message-from-god.html", "title": "A Message from God", "content_html": "\n
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I firmly believe God speaks to us every day in every way. He can manipulate earthly things. Sometimes the message is huge. And sometimes it’s just a way of reminding us He’s here and he’s watching out over us.

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I sat down yesterday to do my Bible study. It had been a while since I’d done this, but I just opened the Bible and randomly chose a page and put my finger on a verse. I landed on 1 Corinthians 15…”Let me now remind you, dear brothers and sisters, of the Good News I preached to you before. You welcomed it then and you still stand firm in it.” That was God reminding me I am His beloved.

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Wednesday night, Mr. FixIt and I went to a Dark Sky Park to watch the moonrise and saw the most amazing sunset. As I was snapping pictures, I scanned through them to see if I was catching any good ones. Something in one of the pictures caught my eye and I looked up quickly to see if it was really there. A cross!

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It WAS still there…and stayed there for quite some time. I know the “timbers” of the cross consisted of jet trails. But they were placed there at just that particular time in that particular way to cement my bible study earlier. God winks are the coolest things, aren’t they?

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We had to go to town yet again yesterday. A prescription needed refilled. And I needed to buy a big pork roast for Sunday’s family picnic as well as a few other things. I told you in yesterday’s post that we are dickering with the insurance company over the settlement they are offering. It’s way too low for the condition of the LIncoln and Mr. FixIt is teaching me…you don’t HAVE to settle. You can stand up for what’s right and negotiate with the insurance companies. 

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Mr. FixIt and I came to our relationship with the same insurance company…just different agents. The Lincoln happens to be on my policy, but in the chaotic aftermath of ramming the garage door with his beloved Lincoln, he ended up calling his agent. The company has been giving us some trouble, refusing to increase the value of the car. We went up the food chain (just call us Karen) and asked to speak to a manager. She called while I was mowing and left a voice mail. By the time I was off the mower, it was too late to call back.

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I talked about this with God in my morning prayers. When I was getting ready to call the manager back, it popped in my mind that I should contact MY insurance agent to see if he could help us. Two hours later, he called us back and said they had re-evaluated the car and declared it’s value at twice what they originally told me. This brings it up in an area where it may not be totaled after all. They’ll call us today and arrange for us to take the Lincoln to an approved garage for further evaluation. This was great news! If it can be fixed, we can get her back on the road. She’s a good car and has plenty of life left in her. If she can’t be fixed, the value is up where we wanted it. Win-Win!

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This is all to illustrate a point. God looks out for us in every matter…large and small. He relishes our interactions with him. He covets our prayers. But, He’s not a genie in a bottle…you can’t rub three times and expect to get your wishes…at least not immediately. Whatever His will is with this and all situations in our lives…we are grateful for His every presence in our lives. As for showing up in a West Virginia sunset? Well, that’s just icing on the cake…a rare and precious gift!

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?

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“God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”

\nJames 1:12 NLT\n
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Count Your Blessings

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Shop Now

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I had such a nice time during my visit at Gail’s. She has a small cottage she used to list on Air B&B occasionally and she knows I love to stay there when I visit. I need a quiet space to write in the evenings and to unwind from all the peopling. I sleep like a rock over there…it’s so peaceful. 

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When I finally got up and moving around yesterday morning, I went over to the big house and had my cuppa with Gail and the pups. As I was packing the truck, I told her I was going to stop at The Corner Store because they weren’t open on Thursday. We said our goodbyes and I headed to Downtown East Palestine.

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So many of the downtown businesses have closed. Some because of their close proximity to the derailment and resulting fire. Others from the ramifications down the line…not enough business to keep them going. I love The Corner Store. They help the developmentally disabled in the community and that is a cause near and dear to my heart.

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The first thing I saw was a beautiful jelly cupboard, much like the one I inherited from my grandma. It was in excellent condition and only $149! I debated back and forth. I sat in the chair next to it and pondered. But my better angels told me I really didn’t need it and I left it there. I did find some good Tupperware pieces that I can use so I got them. 

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As I carried my purchases to my truck, I looked across the street from where I parked and saw Mama’s Attic. Gail and I were going to go in there on Thursday, but she wasn’t feeling terrific and we went back home. I put my bags in the car and crossed the street. I’ve been in that shop before but don’t really remember who was working there. What I did remember was Gail telling me the owner had testified at the Senate Hearing regarding the derailment and subsequent mess that was left behind. She also told me the owner was calling it quits and moving away.

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I was definitely being drawn to that store yesterday. I had that same feeling I got in church that day when the Holy Spirit was moving me to include scripture in my posts. I couldn’t deny it. I just went. There were a few people coming and going. The owner is a young woman who was chatting with her customers and telling them about the shop closing and about how hard it has been since the derailment. I could hear the emotion in her voice as her eyes welled up with tears. She asked for hugs from those who had come to love on her.

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I wandered around the shop finding some truly wonderful treasures. I love hand stitched samplers. Often you find them worked on Aida cloth, but I like the ones worked on linen. These weren’t necessarily old, but they were very well done and they spoke to me. There were a couple of angels that really had to come home with me. And, there was a beautiful white birdhouse exactly like one I had on the front porch of my Colorado house. It’s one of the things I’ve always regretted getting rid of. There was a relish plate that matches my Spode Christmas china. Oh, and a brand new Stanley steel thermos…in the box…from the 1980’s. Everything was very well priced and much of it was half off so I felt like I got a real bargain.

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As I was checking out, I took advantage of the opportunity to introduce myself and explain my writing and work as a grief mentor. I explained that grief isn’t reserved only for the loss of a loved one. We suffer many losses that cause us to grieve. I felt the flood coming. I told her crying is God’s way of cleaning tension and emotion from our hearts and minds in the form of tears. The tears wash this angst away…bit by bit…and allows us to see the way God is working in and around us.

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At one point, we stood with arms wrapped tightly around each other as she finally let go and released so much pent up emotion. We sat between customers and talked softly. I took her hands in mind and prayed for her. I brought her a peach and a plum to help her get some sugar and fluids to replace what she was losing through her tears.

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When I finally told her the name of my blog, Lonnie stopped and looked deep in my eyes…her voice shaky. She said, “I have something to tell you and you have to believe me. I swear it is true.”

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She is moving away from the area to a house that overlooks the huge fields of a farm. Her sister is having a hard time with her move as they are very close and have always lived near one another. This is going to be difficult for both of them. To reassure her, Lonnie’s sister said, “Just think…you can sit on the front porch with your coffee and watch the marshmallows being harvested!” Some of you may remember how Marshmallow Ranch got its name. It was the summer of 1994 when I took Daughter #1 and her fiancé back to WV to meet the family. While driving through the country, we came across a field of round bales of hay that had been wrapped in white plastic. Daughter #2 was only four years old and she wanted to know what those were. Her sister told her that was a Marshmallow Ranch and this is how they’re grown. Then they’re harvested, cut into little pieces and bagged up for the store.

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That wasn’t the only connection. Lonnie has been finding so many feathers this year. At first, she thought they were signs that things were going to be ok. Then she heard birds were dying and was saddened to think these weren’t blessings after all. That’s when I showed her the photo of my collection of feathers that I’ve picked up while mowing and again, the tears came.

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By the time I left, Lonnie and I exchanged contact information with a promise to stay in touch. There are some people in this world that we are destined to meet, to help, to share information, to connect with. These are our God appointments. And yesterday…Lonnie was mine. 

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And…I think I was hers.

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Please, please, please keep the people of East Palestine in your prayers. What they have gone through is life shattering. The divisiveness of the nation has unfortunately carried over into this situation as well so not only are they trying to survive…they’re also battling the different factions and politics involved. Things are being swept under the rug. I know that sounds like a conspiracy theory, but the stories I’ve heard are the same information from different sources. They need answers. They need the truth. They need help.

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?

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“Don’t let evil conquer you, but conquer evil by doing good.”

\nRomans 12:21 NLT\n
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To Every Thing There is a Season

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Gifts from beyond. That’s what they call all those found coins laying where you never put them. Or outside your car door every time you open it in a strange parking lot. Mr. FixIt and I found coins all over the place when we were driving home. I found pennies. He found dimes. Over and over again. The feathers are a little different. Mr. Virgo started sending me all manner of birds as soon as he died…especially bluebirds. I always find a feather or two when I’m mowing. I always stop the mower, get off to pick up the feather, and tuck it in the hair above my right ear. Then when I go inside, I empty my newfound plumage on the cabinet in the family room. It was crazy how many feathers I found yesterday. Little bitty ones to the biggest one I’ve found yet here at Marshmallow Ranch. Messages from beyond? Or molting season and holes in pockets. Who knows?

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I like to think it’s our guardian angels watching out for us and leaving little signs that they’re nearby.

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I very firmly believe in guardian angels. When we were in Denver, someone was telling me a story of being a young teen, driving a roadster down the back country roads. There were sunflowers along the roadside n the opposite side of the road and he was happily letting them run through his fingers as he drove along…not a care in the world. Then, out of nowhere, a stern voice called him by name and said, “Get over in your lane…NOW!” He did, and just then, a big poultry truck came roaring up over the hill right in front of him.

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When I was a young girl, I was trapped in a garage by a neighborhood teenager and was sexually assaulted. For all my life, I wondered where God was and why didn’t he protect me. After Mr. Virgo died, I had several EMDR sessions to ease my PTSD. When I was stabilized, I asked my therapist if EMDR would work on past trauma and she said it certainly would. I scheduled another session to work on the events of that scary summer day when I was seven years old. My therapist guided me to focus on her finger moving back and forth creating a rapid side to side eye movement that helps your brain process trauma and store it normally with all your other memories.

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We were on the last pass when I gasped and threw eyes open wide. She stopped and asked me what I saw. At first I wasn’t sure how to describe the vision I had. I could see myself in my little white dress, barefooted in the dim garage with a sunbeam catching the swirling dust motes. I was standing stock still…listening as a voice from far away called me to draw my attention. 

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“Here! Over here! I’m with you…you’re ok. When I tell you, grab Karen and run.”

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The boy was doing things I knew were bad, but I was afraid if I moved, he’d hurt Karen. So I stood very still and listened. Suddenly the voice said, “Run!” So I grabbed Karen’s hand and ran as fast as I could out of there. 

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In the last sweep of the EMDR session…I saw her. My Guardian Angel. She was mighty and stern…one hand pointing in the direction I was to run…the other holding a strong sword out toward the bad boy. 

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So, yeah…I believe.

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?

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“Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings”

\nPsalms 17:8 NIV\n
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The Bible tells us that our eyes are like lamps that bring light into our bodies. The health of our eyes will determine if our bodies are healthy, filled with light…or unhealthy, filled with darkness. I’ve been pondering this a great deal lately. Without delving into politics, I will say we are being given many opportunities to practice this noble and wise scripture this week. I knew in my heart that the events of Tuesday were liable to serve as a key to open the floodgates of angry and hateful rhetoric.

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There are people who planned hateful things on Tuesday. I kept hearing rumors of it, never dreaming it would come to my doorstep. Then I received a private message on my Facebook page by some man I did not know. Usually those are fairly innocuous pleas to make them the happiest man in the world and send them a friend request. Yeah…that’s a hard pass, fella. You’d have to get up pretty early to pull one over on me.

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This message was different. My profile picture for the month of June is a series of colorful stripes with the word ALLY across it…in support of my daughter and her wife and my countless friends who are members of the LGBTQ+ community. The message I received was hate filled with ugly, vulgar terms to describe who I am for displaying such a thing. My first thought was shock. I surely wasn’t expecting something like that. Then I was angry and frustrated because this is what my beautiful daughter and daughter-in-law face on the daily.

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Then I felt pity. Pity that people feel they need to treat others with such hatred and ugliness. Pity that he obviously doesn’t know Jesus. The Biblical Jesus that I know. I knew his eyes must be unhealthy because he had such darkness in him. I wish he knew how much Jesus loves him and how much better his life could be if only he would find Him. I’m witness to know the incredible difference a life walking with God makes. I prayed for his salvation, then I blocked him and reported the attack to Facebook. I did not engage him because that’s what people like this want. Reaction. I failed to give him that.

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Tuesday night, Daughter #2 called to wish me a happy birthday. She wanted to know all about my day and when I asked her about hers, she said it was great…right up to the very last minute before closing. She received a phone call at work from a man that sounded pleasant enough. He asked if they carried a certain product. She said they did. He went on to tell her why he needed it and the thought maybe he was oversharing a little bit so she just made a pleasant comment about how glad she was it helped. Then he said, “Well enough about that. Let’s talk about the f.i.n.a.l s.o.l.u.t.i.o.n. There’s J.E.W.S out there, you know!” (For those of you who do not know what that is, it’s what the N.a.z.i.s called the H.o.l.o.c.a.u.s.t.) I am writing this with p.e.r.i.o.d.s between the letters of certain words to keep from drawing the attention of nefarious people.

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Now, you have to understand…my daughter grew up J.e.w.i.s.h in a small community in Colorado. She was bullied all through school because of her religious identity. As a matter of fact, it was so bad it caused her to self-harm and nearly drove her to s.u.i.c.i.d.e. So when this guy called and laid that on HER doorstep, she didn’t miss a beat and lit into him with the same mouth I used to kiss good night when she was little. She is fierce and stands up to people. Unfortunately, in this day and age, that can be outright dangerous and as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew she had given him exactly what he wanted.

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I’m not telling you this to stir things up. I won’t engage in debates over things such as this. I’ll do all the things I can to combat hatred in all forms. And I’ll pray fiercely in hopes that we can somehow normalize kindness and love our neighbors again. We cannot hide our heads in the sand and think this kind of thing isn’t happening everywhere. But we CAN choose wisely what we let into our eyes and make a conscious effort to feed the light.

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There are two animals within us…a good one and a bad one. The one we feed is the one who survives.

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❤️‍?

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““Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when it is unhealthy, your body is filled with darkness. Make sure that the light you think you have is not actually darkness. If you are filled with light, with no dark corners, then your whole life will be radiant, as though a floodlight were filling you with light.””

\nLuke 11:34-36 NLT\n
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Bring Peace into your garden with one of my photographs and a fitting scripture…John 14:27

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-06-15T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/06/15/what-we-see-matters.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Anger","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/06/08/finding-peace-in-the-rush.html", "title": "Finding Peace in the Rush", "content_html": "\n
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I really picked the right time to start a “lifestyle change”…There’s so much freshness out there!

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I’m reading a devotional by John Mark Comer about eliminating “hurry” from our lives. He posits that we get our schedules so jam packed that we have to rush faster and faster to get things done. When that happens, you have less time for love, joy, and peace. We all need more of all three and we cheat ourselves when we try to cram so much into our lives.

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I enjoyed a lazy start to my day and sat in the morning sunshine…sipping on my mushroom coffee. After breakfast, I sat down at the desk in the office and started working on the schedule for the Colorado trip. Normally, I would have had this all planned out and scheduled at least two months ago, but…well, the shop and the quilt and the impromptu camping trips and SPRING! I had to force myself to sit down and knock as much of it out as I could.

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Before I did anything, I asked God to pave the way for me and make it easy to find campsites. We’re traveling over the 4th of July weekend! I opened the RV Life site and got to work. I had to laugh because just about every campground I looked at had ONE site left and it was exactly what I needed! It still wasn’t a fast process as I was also learning the ins and outs of a new program. I got as far as the trip from Denver home so there are only four or five more reservations to go and that trip will be all set.

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You know, it’s a lot faster to fly. And probably a lot cheaper. But I just don’t have the chops for flying anymore. Watching all those stories of airlines messing up their schedules and leaving people stranded for days…hearing horror stories of lost luggage and brutally scaled back amenities…and watching grown adults slugging flight attendants and other passengers? Yeah….I think I’ll pass. I love our little camper and I love to drive and I love my navigator so I’m good!

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Before I sat down to do all this stuff, I had to make a quick run into town to pick something up at the post office. When I walked in, there were a couple of ladies standing in front of the door catching up…as folks are wont to do in a small town. I pardoned myself as I slipped in the door and check my PO Box. There was a slip announcing the arrival of something I was waiting for. As the ladies continued to chat, I carefully opened the box and pulled out the contents. I can’t divulge what it is yet because it’s a surprise for one of my loved ones. But when I saw it…I gasped out loud. It was even more beautiful that I anticipated and I was just thrilled by the quality.

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The ladies noticed I had a pretty and came over to ooh and ahh. Pretty soon it was two of us and we continued to chat for quite some time. We finally exchanged numbers and became Facebook friends right away. Have you ever met someone who you just click with? You know right away that you’re going to be fast friends and it just tickles you pink? Yep…it was just like that. I love it. We can never have too many friends, can we? And…she invited us to her church. 

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*smile*

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God’s been pretty busy winking at me this week!

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?

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“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones……”

\nProverbs 17:22 NIV\n
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#Friends, #GodWinks, #Vacation

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Setting up the schedule for the cross country trip means figuring out how far to drive every day so we don’t arrive in Denver dog-tired. I love a good road trip so making all these reservations at campsites reminds me…campers get more smiles per gallon!

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-06-08T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/06/08/finding-peace-in-the-rush.html", "tags": ["God","Road Trip","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/04/21/a-wonderful-god-story.html", "title": "A Wonderful God Story", "content_html": "\n
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You may remember that we found “Grace”, our new-to-us camper, when we drove by the home of her owner. We had the the Big Birdhouse, but it wasn’t quite the right fit for us. When I first saw that camper in front of that beautiful white farmhouse on the hilltop over from Marshmallow Ranch, I knew in my heart it was ours. I had been praying for a solution and there it was, right in front of me. The only problem was, we needed to finance the new camper and pay it off when the Big Birdhouse sold.

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Now, the wonderful woman who was selling the camper was a new widow. This touched my heart because that’s how I came to get my first camper. She was so sweet and waited patiently while we got the financing straightened out and soon the camper was ours. We knew we’d have to wait until spring camping season to sell it. Now, we discussed the price to list it. We wanted to get a little more than we owed because the camper is like brand new and was worth it. But…here’s what happened.

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The Holy Spirit kept telling me to sell it for a price $2,000 lower than what we listed. My husband is a frugal man and a shrewd business dealer. He thought we could get higher. I prayed about it and asked God to send us the perfect buyers. Well, here’s how He works in our lives. Yesterday morning, Mr. FixIt and I were just finishing breakfast when his phone rang. The woman identified herself. She said she was out in the driveway and wandered if we could come out and show her the camper. He told her we’d be right out. 

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As I was putting on my shoes, I said, “Wait…what did she say her name was?” When he repeated it, my chin dropped. “Honey…that’s the woman we bought the other camper from!” At first, I couldn’t believe it. Then, of course, I started laughing. Because OF COURSE it was her….God brought her to us! We went out and she had another surprise for us. She introduced us to her new husband. And…just as with Mr. FixIt and I…they went to high school together! Now, they had dated in high school for a couple of years and Mr. FixIt and I were never sweethearts back then. But that’s the only difference.

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My heart swelled when I saw how happy they were! He had lost his wife several years ago so it was literally a match made in heaven. We showed them the camper inside and out. And told them how much we were asking. They said they would think about it and get back to us. It wasn’t an hour till they called and said they would like the camper and made an offer. The dickering began and Mr. FixIt was kind of sticking to his guns and only going down a little.

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This is when the Holy Spirit kept nudging me and I firmly suggested the price to Mr. FixIt. He hesitated, but when he saw the look on my face, and knew I had a reason and agreed. It was exactly the price I knew God wanted us to receive and the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders. The lesson this taught me is found in the scripture I’ve chosen for today. We must be humble in our requests to God. We were getting a little cocky and thinking we would make a little extra money than what we owed. When God wants to teach us a lesson, He doesn’t mess around.

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So, that’s the story of my life. God brings the people to me that he wants me to interact with. And He sends the Holy Spirit to touch my heart to do the right thing. And now, this beautiful newly married couple have the right camper for them at the right time. And so do we. And now? Now we only have ONE camper…like normal people!

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God is so good…ALL the time!

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And now…we’re off for a week of fun…hopefully with some sun. I’m praying for that, too!

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?

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“If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and has heard my prayer. Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!”

\nPsalms 66:18-20 NIV\n
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“The only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the camper!”

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Shop Now

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-04-21T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/04/21/a-wonderful-god-story.html", "tags": ["Prayer","God","Big Birdhouse"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/04/09/easter-morning.html", "title": "Easter Morning", "content_html": "\n
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That’s me in the middle with the sausage curls. Mom used to either pin curl my hair or use a Toni Home Perm. Remember those? Grandma’s snuggling Trinket. Bubby is behind me. Tim-Tam and Tissy Rae to the left.

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One of my favorite memories is Easter Morning out at the farm. Sometimes all the cousins would be there. We’d all get dressed in our Easter finery and head to the little white church on the hill down the road. There would usually be a crowd there…maybe twenty-five, thirty people.  When I was really little, Reverend Proudfoot would come preach if it was our turn on the circuit. I liked him. He often had lunch with us at Grandma and PopPop’s dinner table. When I got older, it was Preacher Simon. He scared the daylights out of me. If Easter didn’t fall on Preaching Sunday, either my PopPop or his brother, Uncle Red, would lead the services and give a bible study. But whoever it was, Easter filled me with awe because Jesus actually rose from the dead that day! It was amazing and wondrous!

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We always had to have our pictures taken in our nice clothes…most often in front of some of Grandma’s pretty spring posies. Then we had to change before we ate the scrumptious dinner she made. If we were lucky, we’d have a ham that PopPop cured in the old smokehouse. Grandma would raid the cellar house and bring in jars of her home canned green beans, roast beef, corn, pickles, and her prized blackcap jelly to add to the meal. She’d put out a whole loaf of sliced bread and some of her home churned butter. On her trip to town the week before, she’d buy a head of cabbage and mix up some coleslaw just before we ate so it would be crispy and sour sweet. We would eat till we were stuffed as ticks and have to waddle out to the front porch to sit for a while if it was warm enough.

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Us kids would play Tag, Duck-Duck-Goose, Button-Button-Who’s-Got-The-Button, Fox-In-The-Henhouse, and The Telephone Game. We’d have a big Easter Egg Hunt looking for all the eggs Grandma and our Moms hid for us. When we were tired, we’d each get a chance to snuggle up on someone’s lap for a cuddle and if we were really lucky we’d get a little bowl of Grandma’s homemade ice cream. She didn’t make it in an ice cream freezer. She had a loaf pan and she’d pour the hot custard in it. When it was cool enough, she put it in the freezer. She’d check it often and just before it froze solid, she’d take it out and beat the heck out of it with a big spoon and put it back in the freezer. She repeated this several times then she’d leave it in there to firm up. It was so good!

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It was a very special Easter if our Aunt Rosie came with Cousin Cathy. Her give name was Catherine, but Grandma always called her Trinket. So, that’s what I usually call her, too. We lost our Aunt Rosie in January this year, and Trinket is bringing her ashes home at the end of this month so all the cousins are going to be together for the first time in nearly thirty years. There will be lots of stories to tell and we’ll just have a big time!

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In the meantime, my prayer is that you have a Blessed Easter Day filled with the same reverence and awe we felt as children sitting in the wooden pews of that one room church house in the hills of West Virginia. May your day be one of connection and love and joy!

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Happy Easter…He is Risen!

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?

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“At the crack of dawn on Sunday, the women came to the tomb carrying the burial spices they had prepared. They found the entrance stone rolled back from the tomb, so they walked in. But once inside, they couldn’t find the body of the Master Jesus. They were puzzled, wondering what to make of this. Then, out of nowhere it seemed, two men, light cascading over them, stood there. The women were awestruck and bowed down in worship. The men said, “Why are you looking for the Living One in a cemetery? He is not here, but raised up. Remember how he told you when you were still back in Galilee that he had to be handed over to sinners, be killed on a cross, and in three days rise up?” Then they remembered Jesus’ words.”

\nLuke 24:1-8 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-04-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/04/09/easter-morning.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grace","God","Holiday","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/04/01/storms-abrewin.html", "title": "Storm’s a’Brewin’", "content_html": "\n
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Eastern Phoebe sitting on the satellite dish outside the bedroom window.

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Our laundry room is in the basement. As with most houses built in the late ‘60s to early ‘70s…the convenience of main floor laundry facilities was likely something found in the homes of the well-to-do. Unless, of course you counted the backwood houses with a wringer on the back porch or in a shed out back. Because our laundry is downstairs, it doesn’t get done quite as regularly as it should. As such, we often have to make a trip down there to get a daily essential. In my case last night…a nightgown.

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As I walked through the bedroom to look in my chest-of-drawers, I glanced over and saw my mother’s flannel “granny gown” folded neatly on the safe in the corner. I don’t know why, but I’ve kept it there for the last couple of years. When my uncle sold the farm, I found it in a gift box with a tag… “To: Wanda From: Peeps.” It was a Christmas gift, tucked away on a high shelf and forgotten lo these many years. Mom died in 2004.

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When I looked at the nightgown, my mind raced back to the Christmases I received one just like it as one of the few presents I got from Mom and Dad. It made me smile. I can still remember curling up in that nightgown under the sheets and a pile of blankets. I drew my knees up and pulled the heavy flannel down over my legs to my toes to help warm me up faster when I first hopped in bed. Electric blankets were a luxury we could ill afford. And the heat was always turned down low overnight to save money.

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I dug around in the drawers and eventually came up with something that would do in a pinch to keep from heading downstairs. As I was rummaging around, I heard the storm coming. I hurriedly changed, turned off the light, opened the curtains wide, and jumped into bed to write. The lightning crashed and echoed off the surrounding hills…illuminating the room in that eerie flashbulb fashion we all know.

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I love storms…especially here in West Virginia. Sometimes they are slow moving and it seems like it will rain forever. Other times you can see the weather radar in your mind’s eye…tracing the deep red and yellow blotches of color coming from the West, sweeping over us, then quickly heading over the high ridge to the east. Storms are comforting to me. But then again, I have never suffered through severe storms like this country has seen worsening over the last few years.

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Mr. FixIt and I went to town yesterday to pick up some groceries and we were talking about the severe storms this week. It made me wonder. Do other countries have tornadoes? I’ve never heard about tornadoes in any other part of the world other than the USA. Why is that? If it weren’t for the fact that the dinner table is an electronic-free zone, I would have Googled it. Do any of you know? I know there are hurricanes and typhoons and cyclones in other parts of the world…but what about tornadoes?

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We are due to have severe winds again today with gusts up to 70mph. That’s worse than last weekend’s storms which took out trees and had our power off for seventeen hours. We’re better prepared this week in case the electricity goes out again. I hope you all are safe and know you are all in my prayers! Let us know what’s going on in your neck of the woods.

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?

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“…you will find refuge…”

\nPsalm 91:4 ESV\n
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I posted the eight aprons on Etsy yesterday and they are so stinkin’ cute!

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-04-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/04/01/storms-abrewin.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","God","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/31/finding-my-way-in-etsyworld.html", "title": "Finding my Way in Etsy-World", "content_html": "\n
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Here’s a sneak peek at one of the aprons I designed yesterday. I just LOVE the orangey roses on the black and white striped background, don’t you? We bought two new rose bushes to plant along the fence out back.

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Wow…Etsy is a whole lot different than it was in 2011 when I started my first shop there. It’s grown exponentially. The competition was fairly steep back then. Now…hokey-smokes! It’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But, when I first started working on this project at Christmas, I was totally lost. I was learning not one, not two…but three new-to-me programs. It took me a good five or six years before I felt comfortable with Wordpress, so I guess I’m doing pretty well to have come this far. 

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Marketing. My job now is marketing and designing new products. On top of writing my daily blog. With mowing season about to start and a quilt to finish and preparing for our annual beach trip next month…my plate is beginning to fill up. I’m going to have to get a desk calendar and start scheduling things. I created sixteen new designs today…eight of which are mugs that are live in the shop. The new designs coming tomorrow are aprons and they are really cute. There are lots of pretty things in the shop for Mother’s Day!

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I helped Mr. FixIt a little yesterday. He’s still working on the hallway…getting the quarter-round moulding measured and ready to nail in place. The door repair from Wednesday looks great and even though it took us twice as long to do than expected, we’re pretty happy with it. My cousin is coming to visit at the end of April and we wanted the house freshened up a little for her. When she leaves, we’re going to start on the main bathroom. Then somewhere in there we’re going to Colorado to see the family. Oh, and there’s the wedding in June and we need to get the roof finished! Maybe we’ll put that bathroom off till fall. SO much to do!

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The weather was sunny and gorgeous yesterday and the pear trees are just about in full bloom. I’ve been stuck inside working so much, I haven’t even taken a walkabout to see what is popping up out there. We need to take a ride out to The Farm to take a peek at the wildflowers soon. I knew as soon as the weather warmed up, I’d be hopping! There’s one thing…this winter FLEW by with all the work on the shop. That’s a GOOD thing!

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?

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“By faith, we see the world called into existence by God’s word, what we see created by what we don’t see.”

\nHebrews 11:3 MSG\n
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Come see what’s new in the Shop! I’m keeping busy creating new designs just for you and having so much fun doing it. It would be a huge help for me if you shared my shop with a few people. If we all did that and asked everyone to share with a few more, the shop would get off the ground in a hurry and start climbing the ladder in the Etsy ranking. Thank you so much for your support!

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\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-31T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/31/finding-my-way-in-etsyworld.html", "tags": ["Faith","New Ideas","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/30/what-constitutes-a-date.html", "title": "What Constitutes a Date?", "content_html": "\n
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We don’t go out “on a date” very often. We never have, really. I guess between knowing each other forever, being on a fixed income, and living so far out in the country, the idea of getting dressed up and driving to town for a fancy dinner out is just something that has never appealed to us. 

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I used to live that life. It was fun and exciting to go to fine restaurants and rub elbows with “the haves”. To stroll the streets of Aspen or Snowmass, wander through the hoity-toity shops, then cozy up in front of a fire with fancy food and forks I had no idea how to use. Well, let’s just say…this country girl learned how to feign social prowess to a degree. But talk about imposter syndrome. I was really a fish out of water.

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There were a lot of reasons I came home to West Virginia but the biggest one was to find myself. To go back to my roots. I remember talking with my long-time sister-friend. I can’t remember the conversation per se, but I think I was sounding a little too pretentious to someone who has known me since we were fifteen. She knew better and called me on it. She reminded me not to get too big for my britches because she knew from whence we came. She was my Boone’s-Farm-Ride-or-Die home girl. 

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When I came back, I was broken into a million pieces. I needed the comfort of these hills and red clay to patch the pieces together again…piece by piece…stitch by stitch till I began to believe I could survive. I was four years a widow when I had my first date with Mr. FixIt. We went for a drive through the hills and backroads. I sat back in the passenger seat of his truck with the window down, letting the wind blow through my hair. I felt a glimmer of something. Something familiar, yet different enough. Something warm. Something comfortable.

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We dated for awhile and it became apparent this was something special and we committed to see where it might take us. Our dates consisted of grabbing a salad and heading down to the river to watch the boat traffic on the water. Or going to Rural King to look at the baby chicks and ducklings and buy birdseed. Or going for a long drive in the country. They were inexpensive dates. They were comfortable dates. They were made more special by the bond between us.

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Every day is a date because we choose it to be. We choose to be here for one another. We choose to love each other. These are the lessons gleaned from the fires of my grief. That simple is better. Less is more. That stuff doesn’t matter and food is food just like a car is just a car. Be it a tender cut of Wagyu Beef or burgers on the pool deck. A brand new Mercedes convertible or 2002 Lincoln. The fact I get to do this with someone kind…with someone faithful and true…with someone who loves Jesus is the wealthiest existence I could imagine.

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Yesterday’s big Dinner Date? 

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Cracker Barrel!

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They make swoon worthy grits. Biscuits that melt in your mouth. And sweet tea that tastes like the nectar of the gods. Their waitstaff is friendly and attentive. All in a clean and comfortable dining room adorned with antiques like I grew up with on Grandma’s farm.

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Someday, I want to look back and remember these comfy dates and less of the evenings I primped in front of a mirror and built up the non-existent courage I felt to be “on”…to be something I really wasn’t. Not deep down inside. This is much healthier and much more fulfilling.

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I won’t take that for granted. Not even for a minute.

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?

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“…Love makes up for practically anything…”

\n1 Peter 4:7-11 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-30T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/30/what-constitutes-a-date.html", "tags": ["Fun","Love","God","Choices","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/29/conversations-with-god.html", "title": "Conversations With God", "content_html": "\n
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The deadnettle is blooming by the back door.

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Now that the weather is warming up, we’re getting some little old jobs done here at Marshmallow Ranch. Mr. FixIt painted the hallway and he’s been working on the wood trim and baseboards. The door of the closet at the end of the hall tends to drag across the carpet, so he took it off the hinges yesterday and we carried it outside. He got the table saw out to cut about a quarter of an inch off the bottom.

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He was so careful, measuring and putting tape on the line so the cut would be clean. I held the door carefully for him while he pushed it through the saw. When he took the tape off, it was perfect! No splintering and we were really proud of it. He painted the door on both sides and let it dry before we carried it back in the house, only to find out…

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We cut the top off and not the bottom! Argh!

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(I think I heard him say the “D” word!)

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I know what you’re thinking… “Can’t you just flip the door upside down?” I found out the answer to that question and it’s “No!” The door knobs on doors are not right in the center. So if you flip it, the knob is going to be too high. The easiest thing is to move the hinges on the door to adjust the position. It’s not a hard problem to fix…it’s just not what you want to do…making an easy job harder. I know he felt really bad but neither one of us caught the error till it was too late. Ahhhh…another lesson learned.

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I didn’t make it to the sewing machine yesterday. I had a few things to do on the computer and one thing led to another, taking me down the rabbit hole of possibilities. I found some darling fonts and cute graphics and elements to incorporate in designs. If you’re really careful, you can find these without spending a lot of money for them. After I downloaded them, I designed some cute T-Shirts for moms. 

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Now that it’s not so bitter cold outside, I can start working at my desk in my studio downstairs. Then I can stay focused and set a timer to stay on task. Time spent on the shop. Time spent working on the quilt. And a little time spent knitting with a cup of tea…just for me. It’s easy to throw yourself into your work of the day and forget to take a breath. We get so caught up with our daily lives…with our stuff…that we sometimes forget to take care of ourselves through God’s provision. His Word. His Caring. His Love for us. His Gifts that he gave us. 

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I study the Word at night. When I take a break, I knit conversations with God.

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?

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““If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.”

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#God, #Chores, #Work

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It all started when I decided to leave the rat race of medicine and try to make a living from my own creativity. I dropped down to part time at the neurology office and started making art jewelry from antique silverware and maps. As a matter of fact some of you have been with me since the very beginning and can remember my little Etsy shop. When I lost Mr. Virgo, I tried to keep the shop going, but once I sold the Colorado house and hit the road in my camper I kinda lost my mojo.

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Time passed and adventures came and I finally ended up on The Farm…the home of my heart. And I ran into Mr. FixIt…the holder of my heart. And now…its been ten years since Mr. Virgo’s passing and it’s time to turn a corner and do something wonderful and fresh and fun to take me through the NEXT ten years! The joy of my heart!

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Marshmallow Ranch is back on Etsy once again!!!!!

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It looks decidedly different than it did in the “old days”. My art is different. My skills are different. Shopping experiences are different. And most importantly…I AM DIFFERENT! What I am presenting to you today is a whole new vision that incorporates my art, my graphic design skills, my quirky sense of humor, and my desire to connect with people in ways I haven’t even thought of yet. 

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I’ve been working diligently on this project and I’m very happy with the way it turned out. I am offering ways for you to own my art…in the form of my photography, my compositions and graphic design elements, and my words…on clothing, accessories, shoes, tea towels, candles. From kitchen items all the way up to suitcases. I’ve combed over this time and again…and I’m sure there still are things that need to be tweaked a little here and there.

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There is a button pinned on my Facebook page as well as one on the blog that will lead you right to the shop. It’s not quite as easy to head back to the blog, but the quickest way is to use the back arrow key on your browser page. If you find things that need fixing, please don’t hesitate to let me know and I’ll fix it as soon as possible. 

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I hope you like the new shop. The category of listings is in the sidebar to the left. I will be adding things going forward…more home goods, clothing, and accessories as well as vintage items. And perhaps I’ll get back in the studio and make pretty things again with my hands one of these days. I hope you’ll keep me in mind for your shopping and gift-giving occasions!

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And, as in all things…to God be the Glory!

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Enjoy!!!

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 “…whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

\n1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/27/marshmallow-ranch-is-back-on.html", "tags": ["Fun","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","God","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","The Shop"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/23/spring-is-springing-today.html", "title": "Spring is Springing Today!", "content_html": "\n
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This time ten years ago, I was trying to figure out how on earth I was going to survive Mr. Virgo’s death when I stumbled upon a large group of women who pulled little campers by themselves and had fun with their soul sisters. Since that’s what we were doing when he died, I went out on spring break with Daughter #1 and the two grands and bought this little gal. The Original TOW-Wanda! And look where I am today!!! Isn’t God so wonderful to bless us and carry us through the worst of times?

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It’s supposed to get up to the low to mid seventies today! Wahooooo! This is more like it. I’m sure our flowering trees got bit by Ol’ Jack Frost this last week with all the hard freezes. There are still plenty of bud on them so maybe they’ll do something yet. As far as me doing anything, I was fairly unmotivated but still manage to accomplish a few things.

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I was up long before Mr. FixIt and put the kettle on for tea. I worked on the project. I packed up the old refrigerator door for the Big Birdhouse. Mr. FixIt left for town after breakfast. He asked which vehicle I wanted to use to take the box to the UPS Drop Site and I mistakenly chose the Louisa the Lincoln. He was long gone to town when I tried to load the box in the car. No go. It was too big for the trunk and too big to put in the back seat. So, I’ll have to do it today.

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Mr. FixIt’s trip to town entailed a stop at Lowe’s to buy all the goodies for getting the mowers up and running for the season. It doesn’t matter what he goes to town for, its going to take him forever because he runs into a hundred people he knows and they are obligate to talk for an hour or so. This doesn’t bother me in the slightest unless I’m actually waiting for him in the car. Once I’ve been sitting out there for twenty minutes, I know he’s hooked into a conversation. Sometimes I go looking for him and light a fire under him. But most of the time, I’ll keep myself busy reading or writing. 

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It sprinkled off and on yesterday. It was plenty warm and was supposed to gradually get warmer overnight. So I decided to stay in the camper since my camping trip was cut short. Oh who am I kidding? I’ll camp any time I possible can! For some reason, the electric isn’t coming on in the new camper and I think I’ve narrowed it down to the GFI outlet. I couldn’t get it to reset and everything else was as it should be. Now we’ll have to make another trip to town to find a replacement. Mr. FixIt seems to think he has one somewhere in the house or the “warehouse” building that is supposed to be a two car garage. 

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I decided to stay out in the camper anyway. I had plenty of blankets and was sure to stay warm. If not, I was only fifty feet from the door. That’s one of the upsides of “yard camping.” 

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We can fix this camper any time. I just need to get motivated to do some spring cleaning. Maybe I’ll get started on that today!

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?

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“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

\nPsalm 51:10 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/23/spring-is-springing-today.html", "tags": ["TOW-Wanda!","Camping","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/13/turning-my-attention-forward.html", "title": "Turning My Attention Forward", "content_html": "\n
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You know there’s a reason the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror, right? It’s because we don’t drive backwards long distances. The rear view mirror lets us back up a little ways as needed. The windshield lets us see clearly the direction we are heading…forward. I won’t lie…the 10th Angelversary was monumental and gave me pause. But I am so blessed to be surrounded with lots of love and support from family and friends…including you all. Thank you so much for always being here for me. It helps more than you know.

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I ran into a little snag with “The Project.” It’s something totally out of my control so I just have to wait it out till the course is redirected before I have the great unveiling. God always looks out for me and if I would have moved forward when I originally planned to, I could have been in a pickle. He’s a Good Father and I cannot praise Him enough! It’s still going to happen….I just don’t know the exact timeline yet.

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With Mr. Virgo’s Angelversary and the project glitch, I didn’t sleep well at all on Saturday night. I finally drifted off about dawn and Mr. FixIt woke me up at just about 1:00 yesterday afternoon. I think we need to grab sleep whenever we can as we age. This new medicine regimen is really helping me sleep…at least much better than I was before.

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Mr. FixIt showed me his phone when I got up. We had a light dusting of snow on the forsythia and flowering quince when he got up. I’m just as happy that I missed that! The false spring we’ve been having has totally spoiled me and I could move right on into true spring, thank you very much. We’ve had rain off and on the last couple of days and we’ve actually needed it. The ground was getting pretty dry.

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I have to force myself to get back to my studio and get that quilt top finished soon. The wedding is in June and the machine quilter will need to have it as soon as possible to get it finished in time. I don’t think I’ll ever do as complicated a pattern again. It was just a whole lot more work than I thought it would be. And, being a neurodivergent Gemini hasn’t helped matters. It’s hard to stay focused for so long. I’m determined to finish it though.

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When I sit down to write to you every night, I’m reminded of my Grandma’s letters when I was growing up. Long distance phone calls were a luxury we could ill afford, so Grandma wrote long meandering missives to keep us up to date with what was happening at The Farm. She’d tell us what she canned that week or who came to visit or what the doctor said. Her letters always seemed so warm and comforting and so full of love and hugs. 

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We don’t get those letters from Grandmas or Moms anymore and I think our society is sorely lacking such familial hugs. Even though Grandma was only thirty miles away, we could tuck her letters away and read them over and over. I still have them and they still give that same warm and fuzzy feelings. When I was approached by a literary agent several years ago, she pooh-poohed the whole idea of the kind of writing I do. She thought it was fine for documenting for family’s interest, but the general public wouldn’t be interested. I beg to differ. I think we’ll always need a mom or a grandma or an auntie or a sister to send love across the miles. We need all the love we can get.

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That’s what I’m here for….to send lots of loves!

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?

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“Let all that you do be done in love.”

\n1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/13/turning-my-attention-forward.html", "tags": ["Faith","Love","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/07/moon-over-marshmallow-ranch.html", "title": "Moon Over Marshmallow Ranch", "content_html": "\n
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Some days feel magical and yesterday was one of them. We needed to go to town to get the duplicate title for The Big Birdhouse. I looked everywhere…all the places y’all suggested and it just wasn’t anywhere to be found. And, you know what? God has our backs. What I thought was a pain in the butt with two trips to town to the DMV, turned out to save us so much trouble in the end. It turns out, there was a problem with the title. When the gal at the DMV pulled up the VIN number…two vehicles came up. That’s not good. It turns out, when the camper was originally titled, someone made a typo. This could have really mucked things up in the sale…especially for the new buyers, so I am grateful for that.

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As you might imagine, sitting in the DMV on the first Monday of the month was….ummmm…time consuming, to say the least. However, one of our classmates was there and we got to sit and visit for a while. I got called up and Sharon sat with Mr. FixIt. She laughed later and said, “He has great stories!” Ahhhh, my friend…you have no idea. He has a story for every occasion and it’s one of the things I love the most about him. It was really cute when we walked into the DMV. We were holding hands and this woman came out of the building, looked at us, smiled, and said, “Awwwww, how sweet!” We walk hand-in-hand all the time. It’s just who we are.

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After we finally got out of there, we headed straight to City Park to walk. It was 76° out there and the sky was a cerulean blue with big puffy clouds. We decided to head to Der Dog Haus for a late lunch, early dinner. I’ve been craving ribs lately, and when I saw that one of the specials was BBQ Pork sandwich that’s actually made from the meat from their ribs. I was in “hog heaven”, so to speak. 

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We left and headed home with the windows down and the sun roof open. My heart was soaring. I know I’ve said this before, but even though March is the the month we lost Mr. Virgo, there is a day in there that I feel the bars come down and I’m released from the grey gloomies of winter. I remember when I first lost Mr. Virgo, I thought to myself, “If he had to die, it was on the cusp of spring. It would have been so much harder to head into the depths of winter as a new widow.”

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One more week and we hit the ten year mark since Mr. Virgo’s death. I have been sharing stories about him. Mr. FixIt isn’t the only one with great stories. I could listen to both of these kind men tell their stories over and over and never get bored. We enjoyed watching The Voice last night. 

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And we stared at the moon…hand-in-hand.

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?

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“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?”

\nPsalm 8:3-4 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-07T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/07/moon-over-marshmallow-ranch.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/03/02/kiss-me-sunshine.html", "title": "Kiss Me, Sunshine!", "content_html": "\n
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Our forsythia are popping open right and left!

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Oh, my word…I don’t know what the official temperature was yesterday, but around 4:00pm the thermometer on the back of the house read 82°!!!!! I know we aren’t supposed to be excited about the world getting warmer, but when I have a day like yesterday, I feel like I just got let out of prison. 

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We had several things that needed to be done before Mr. FixIt went to town for his turn at errands. Namely, we wanted to switch the tongue jacks between the Big Birdhouse and Grace. It was a lot easier this time because we had the a-frame hooked up to the truck. It wasn’t going anywhere. And we had two solid stand jacks under the front of the new camper. 

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I hooked up the wiring harness between the two batteries on the a-frame like a pro. The fact that my husband thought ahead and took a picture of it before he took it apart was pretty handy. Then, while he was undoing the wiring on the electric tongue jack, I took the manual jack off the other camper. Before we knew it, we had the jacks switched out. Now the only thing we need to do is charge up the battery for Grace, the new camper. Then Mr. FixIt can hook up the electric jack and that part is finished. 

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Why is it, when you put something in a safe place and then, try as you might, when you need it again it’s just…gone! That’s what has happened to the title for the a-frame. I think I know where it is, but I will have to do a little searching for it today. If I can’t find it, I can always run to town and get another one. But it’s just aggravating. The next step is to advertise the camper for sale and I know God will bring us the perfect person who needs it. The nice thing for the new owners…all the little glitches that come with a new camper have already been worked out and they’ll have a fun little camper that will hopefully give them many years of enjoyment.

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While Mr. FixIt was off galavanting around yesterday afternoon, I went out and walked the grounds here at Marshmallow Ranch. The weather was downright balmy. The birds are coming back and they are so hungry after their migration north. We’re really running through the birdseed in the last month. It does my heart good to hear them start singing with the earliest crack of dawn. 

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As I wrote this last night, I was “yard camping” out back. My goal is to sleep in the camper at least one night out of every month this year! There may come a day when I can no longer do this, but it’s no time soon, I hope. I read a story about a woman in her 80’s whose husband passed away right after they bought a 40’ motorhome. Like me, she knew she had to put something joyful in front of her in order to get through her loss. So, she learned how to drive the RV all by herself and now she and her little dog go everywhere together! 

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Age is largely a state of mind. If we can stay healthy and fit, there’s no reason we can’t just keep this up for a good long time. I can’t think of anything I’d rather do than camp out and about, sitting under the stars around my propane “pretend” campfire. And when the time comes that we cannot continue to travel, the camper will remain my sanctuary beside the house. 

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Now…on to the next thing!

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?

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“You make springs gush forth in the valleys; they flow between the hills; they give drink to every beast of the field; the wild donkeys quench their thirst. Beside them the birds of the heavens dwell; they sing among the branches. From your lofty abode you water the mountains; the earth is satisfied with the fruit of your work.”

\nPsalm 104:10-13 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-03-02T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/03/02/kiss-me-sunshine.html", "tags": ["God","Farm Life","Home"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/28/stormy-weather.html", "title": "Stormy Weather", "content_html": "\n
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When I was growing up here in West Virginia, a tornado was something that happened in Texas or Oklahoma or Kansas. Certainly not here in the Appalachias. Since I’ve been back, there have been tornado warnings every year…to the point that Mr. FixIt and I have taken shelter in the basement. These severe storms are getting worse. We should always keep a weather eye out and take all the necessary precautions for safety.

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We had little peeks of sunshine here today but it rained for the most part. This always offers me a day of working on my project. Yesterday’s focus was on Amazon links. I signed up for their Affiliate Program a month or so ago. I’m sure you’ve seen articles that have a small disclaimer at the top letting readers know there may be affiliate links incorporated within. The good news is, you’re helping someone make a little money, and it doesn’t come out of your pocket.

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Amazon came up with a way to advertise without advertising. It’s a brilliant strategy with an upside. It offers small entrepreneurs the opportunity to create income flows. The more you work at it, the more you may potentially make. As we have aged and prices have continued to raise, I became intrigued with different ways to supplement our income. 

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Gone are the days when I could work in a doctor’s office. It’s what I did for the majority of my adult life. I’m running head on into 70 in a little over three months. My 9-5 days are over, I’m afraid. But, that means I have so many opportunities to explore new things. I’ll never stop learning…never stop growing…never quit trying to keep rising up. And I trust in God explicitly to get me there. Watch for an extra post in a couple of days…Therapy Thursdays. Retail therapy, that is.

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I’m glad we got the Big Birdhouse moved around Sunday. I didn’t want to tow it across the grass when it was wet and soggy. We still have some work to do on it to prepare for sale. We’ll switch the lift jacks. We put the electric one on it when we bought it. The jack on the new camper is a manual crank jack that’s a lot of work. Electric jacks take a lot of the hard work out of setting up and taking down a camper. 

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I have to go to town today for an appointment. Hopefully I can make it a quick trip because I have stuff to do. I always have a lot of stuff to do! And…Happy Birthday, Big..you are my sunshine!

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?

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“Now to the one who works, wages are not credited as a gift but as an obligation. However, to the one who does not work but trusts God who justifies the ungodly, their faith is credited as righteousness. David says the same thing when he speaks of the blessedness of the one to whom God credits righteousness apart from works:”

\nRomans 4:4-6 NIV\n
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After nearly ten years, the grief I feel over losing Mr. Virgo is vastly different than it was even five or six years ago. Almost always, when memories come…it gives me a warm, loving feeling. I am seldom struck with heavy sadness and it isn’t the kind that breaks my heart open anymore. It is such a relief that my road isn’t as rocky and painful as it once was. 

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That doesn’t mean that I never feel grief. It still sneaks up on me and it always will. Moving forward in life didn’t mean I stopped loving him. On the contrary. When my heart broke open, it made room in there for more and more love. And that eventually allowed me to let Mr. FixIt in. Our capacity to love should be as limitless as the stars if we truly love as Jesus loves. 

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We were watching a show yesterday that tugged at my heartstrings. A long time character that we enjoyed passed away. On this show, he had been a Marine and they gave him full Military Honors at the gravesite. I’ve seen this a few times since Mr. Virgo died and every single time, it cuts through my heart. Every shot from the rifles. Every note of Taps played on the lone bugle. Every fold of the American flag that was draped over the casket then handed so reverently to the family. I can still remember that handsome, young soldier handing me Mr. Virgo’s flag and thanking me on behalf of the President and a grateful nation. It picked at that raw place in my heart that will always and forever be there, even though it normally hides…wrapped in velvety feathers in a beautiful, quiet place deep within me.

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When the show ended, I gazed out the window. The sun was shining through the chill of a false spring day. I needed to get outside and feel the sun and wind and do something…anything. This life I’ve been blessed with…this decade Mr. Virgo didn’t get to have…makes me keenly away how quickly and easily it can be gone. In an instant. When I am stung by the barbs of grief, I want to make the most of every moment and DO something.

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I asked Mr. FixIt if he’d like to go for a drive to Athens to look for that caulking he’s wanting…and maybe get a little supper while we’re out. He never turns down an adventure, so we headed out for the afternoon, had supper at Miller’s Chicken, and stopped to visit with the Former Mrs. FixIt for an hour or so on our way home. It was nearly 10:00 by the time we got home and it was really a most beautiful day.

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As I got out of the truck and began gathering my stuff, I looked up at the stars and was again reminded where I find my help, my strength, my peace. I smiled as I thanked God for blessing us with another day together, then turned and happily padded after Mr. FixIt to the house.

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?

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“My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

\nPsalms 121:2 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-26T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/26/when-grief-comes-calling.html", "tags": ["Grief","God","Peace","Strength"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/21/something-to-remember.html", "title": "Something to Remember", "content_html": "\n
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We learned yesterday we have a couple of challenging medical issues in the family and I surprised myself at how I handled it. I have been known to…how shall I say…crumple under the weight of such things. Three years ago today, Mr. FixIt had his first stroke. Heading into the month I lost Mr. Virgo, such news rocked me to my core. I held it together till they took him up for the MRI, at which point I threw up.

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I guess I’ve never been a cool cucumber during times of stress. I have to tell you though…most of the crumpling happens when I think about what COULD happen. What MIGHT happen. What WILL happen. Nine times out of ten, I move right through the issue when it ACTUALLY happens. Mr. FixIt’s first stroke was one I didn’t handle so well. 

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I don’t know if it’s age. I don’t know if it’s the wise counsel of Daughter #1. Or maybe just the old adage that practice makes perfect. But, something’s changed…shifted. Lately, when something comes up that might be a real gut wrencher and I feel the anxiety start to rise, I remind myself that God has carried me through every other tough thing. Like Mr. Virgo’s funeral. I didn’t think I could live through that, but like the Bible says…God has plans for me. He held me through every tough moment.

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I had a flash of insight the other day. Getting anxious and wigged out about stuff removes the opportunity to snuggle in close to Jesus. Anxiety is ME trying to avoid the situation and control the outcome. That’s not my job. MY job is to trust that God has my back, that whatever’s going to happen will happen, and wigging out about it isn’t going to change anything or make it go away. 

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I am enough. I don’t HAVE to be more. I don’t HAVE to be perfect. I don’t HAVE to worry about every little thing. The Bible also tells us we cannot add a single hour to our lives by worrying. If the birds are fed without bother, how much more will God do for His own children?

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These glitches we are facing aren’t life threatening. They are unpleasant. They are even a little scary. But I choose to believe everything will be ok. And if they aren’t, we’ll deal with it when the time comes. As Daughter #1 says, “I don’t have the bandwidth to carry all that, Mom. I look at the options and choose to believe the best case scenario, unless or until that is no longer possible.” 

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This I DO know…I am a total noodle without God.

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?

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I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.”

\nJeremiah 29:10-11 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/21/something-to-remember.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/12/grief-isnt-something-to-fix.html", "title": "Grief Isn’t Something to Fix", "content_html": "\n
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When your car breaks down, you call a mechanic. When the drain is clogged, you call a plumber. When you’re sick with a fever, you call a doctor. But who do you call when your heart has been ripped out of your chest and you’re left standing there…holding it in your hands? And you’re still breathing? When it happened to me, believe it or not, the first person I called was Hubby #2. He was a doctor. He was my friend. He’d know what to do.

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There was a whole line of people who stepped up and surrounded me with the sweetest loving support. They held me. They cried with me. They prayed for me. They did everything they could for me and yet…no one could “fix” me. As much as I wanted that, it just wasn’t possible. There was only one person who could and I kept close company with Him. I pleaded every day for Jesus to come and sit with me and hold me close.

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Every day, I cried to God to take this off of me. He did not. I hated Him for taking my husband away. I bargained. I screamed. I threatened. But no matter what I did, He would not lift my grief till it ran its course on HIS time, not mine. It didn’t seem fair. It felt like I’d been robbed. And I was. Any of us who lose a part of ourselves through death understands exactly what I’m talking about.

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There are several of you reading who are walking through this dreadful journey, even as we speak. I know your heart is breaking. I know there is a thin line between fear and anger. I know you feel like a part of you died with your person…as real as if your arm had been amputated. I see you. I know you. I stood where you are standing. Maybe not in the exact same spot, but so similar as to make not a speck of difference.

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As I took my turn painting the hallway yesterday, my heart really wasn’t in it. Painting isn’t my most fun activity and my shoulder hurt and I was in the middle of something I’d much rather work on. I could have stood there grumbling, making myself even more miserable. Or, I could let my mind wander the paths it took me and I slowed my breathing and my brush strokes. I let the word association of analogies take over inside my head and let my arm go with the flow.

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It wasn’t long till the analogy came to me. There will always be people along your life journey that will want you to paint a clean coat of paint over your messy self so they don’t have to be uncomfortable being around you. Blunt, but true. I will hazard to say a rather large number of them have no idea what they’re doing is hurting you. Another percentage will have an understanding that what they’re asking of you isn’t terribly helpful, but they just don’t know what else to do. It has been my experience that very few of them are intentionally mean, but it’s not unheard of.

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There will be times in your grief where you need to gather up every bit of strength and slog through something you never dreamed you could do. There will be times when you cannot find the strength to get out of bed let alone anything truly functional. But please, mark my words, there will be moments of light in the darkness. When you can, string those moments together and wrap them around you like a strand of dim market lights that illuminate a few feet in every direction.

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Eventually, the color returns. You’ll notice music again. The seasons will change and so will you. Just be careful with those coats of paint. They’re easy to hide behind, but without facing the slings and arrows that are thrown at you, you will miss the gems God throws down in the flames of your life. Pick them up. Tuck them in your pockets. You may not understand what they are all about, but eventually, the Holy Spirit will reveal their meaning to you. Insights will come if you ask for them. 

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I know not all of you are believers, but I speak to everyone. Place your feet on the Earth and your face to the sky and ask the wind to whisper comfort to your poor broken heart. Ask for healing and wisdom and insight. Hand everything over at the end of the day. I know my God puts them in a special basket for safe keeping and hands them back to me in the morning. 

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And, you know what?

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That basket is always just a bit lighter the next day…sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. But always lighter.

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?

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“If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.”

\nPsalms 34:18 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/12/grief-isnt-something-to-fix.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","God","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/02/01/do-dogs-go-to-heaven.html", "title": "Do Dogs Go to Heaven?", "content_html": "\n
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Bailey had the sweetest “sugar face”!

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When Billy Graham was asked, “Do dogs to go heaven?”, the great Evangelist replied, “God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in Heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he’ll be there.” I notice he didn’t say anything about cats, but I’m sure they go, too. 

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I’ve lost a few dogs. The two that hurt me the most were Boofer and Sidney. Boofer was an Aussie-Blue Healer mix who was the smartest dog I’ve ever known. You just talked to her and she knew what you wanted. Unfortunately, she got a pituitary tumor when she was only seven and we had her put down. I was very pregnant and it was just awful. 

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We waited a couple of years before we got another dog. That’s when Sidney came to join us. He was a huge purebred Black Lab. He was the runt of the litter and wasn’t sold before the owners were leaving for vacation. In a desperate bid to find him a good home, they went down to our local Walmart and held him up for puppy snuggles.

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I knew as soon as I looked in his soulful brown eyes that he was the man for me. I brought him home and sat in the front yard waiting for my family to get home for the surprise. Everyone was instantly in love and he graced us with his presence for fourteen years. 

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I didn’t have another dog till Mr. Virgo came along with this little ten year old Yorkie-Maltese mix named Cricket. She was a feisty, yappy little dog who needed all kinds of care. I’d never had to get a dog groomed before and, while I loved her because I loved Mr. Virgo, it wasn’t close to the love I felt for my two special companions.

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We had to release Cricket from her pain in January 2013. We had her cremated and her little tiny box sat on the hall table, waiting for the spring flower bed to become her new home. Then, just two months later, Mr. Virgo was gone. The funeral director told us we could bring mementos from home and place them in the casket if we wished. The first thing I thought of was Cricket, so she went with my sweetheart…tucked in the crook of his arm. 

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After I became a widow, my kids said I should get a dog, but I just didn’t have it in me. I was getting ready to go on my Grand Adventure in the little camper I bought. The group of gals I camped with had few rules but one they were adamant about was no doggies. That wasn’t the only deterrent, though. I just did not want to be responsible for anyone or anything. It was everything I could do to learn to take care of myself. 

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“Our dogs” are now the ones we love but don’t have to take care of. And last week, we heard the sad news that one of our grand-doggies…Bailey…went to the great dog run in the sky. She was a Chocolate Lab-Pitbull mix. It’s always so hard to lose a beloved pet and when we do, it’s perfectly normal to grieve as much as we do for human family members. I always try to remember to reach out to my friends whom I know have lost a pet because I know what it feels like when everyone moves on with their lives and I was left holding a bag full of grief.

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So, do our beloved companions go to heaven? I have to say an unequivocal YES! There is no sweeter soul than those of babies and dogs. (OK, cat people…I’m sure your fur babies are there too…along with gerbils and bird and hamsters and ferrets and turtles…you get the drift.) Hubby #2 tells me, “We don’t deserve dogs.” They are just pure goodness. And I believe they’ll be waiting for us to arrive.

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If you have lost a beloved family pet, please feel free to leave a picture here. Tell us their name and breed. How long you had them. How long it’s been. Let us hold you with a lingering hug and share in your memories, won’t you? I would love to see your fur babies.

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?

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“That’s why I don’t think there’s any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what’s coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.”

\nRomans 8:18-21 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-02-01T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/02/01/do-dogs-go-to-heaven.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","Grace","God","Heaven"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/01/31/watching-god-supply-our-needs.html", "title": "Watching God Supply Our Needs", "content_html": "\n
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The other day when I was complaining about having to cook all the time, I asked God to change my heart. Anytime my heart isn’t in the right place and I’m making myself miserable over stupid stuff, I just ask God to turn me around and show me what I’m missing. He always does. And it turns out I get in my own way a lot of the time. I think we all do to one degree or another.

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The last few days, I’ve really enjoyed the heck out of cooking. And I have been diving into the pantry and the freezer. Yesterday morning we had breakfast sandwiches with those bulk sausage patties I made on Sunday topped with an egg and cheese. SOOOOOO good! Midday we had a snack of tea and cookies. Then last night I baked pork chops and served them with steamed veggies and brown rice. I did kinda tip the calorie scales with some yummy country gravy on top but I didn’t make it with cream like I usually do.

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This morning I’ll crumble up some of those sausage patties and put them in the gravy and heat it up while I make homemade biscuits. That’s always a delightful taste treat. When Mr. FixIt was heading up to the WVU game on Saturday, he texted me and asked me to send his son my biscuit recipe. Now that I think about it, I sure hope he said something to him beforehand and he doesn’t think we were trying to tell him something. His son made biscuits and sausage gravy for breakfast that day but he used canned biscuits. He tried to make homemade a couple of times but he said they didn’t come out very well. I never made a biscuit that was fit to eat till I learn from Tipper at The Blind Pig and the Acorn. Now I won’t make them any other way. (Sorry, Ms. Brenda!)

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So, it’s becoming more noticeable that the days are getting longer now. Every day will bring us closer to spring. I have so much to get done before mowing season so I need to focus, focus, focus. Mr. FixIt has an appointment tomorrow so I’ll stay home and get some more work done. I’ve found the basement to be a bit too chilly to work in when the temperature goes down in the 30’s…no matter HOW much heat I put on down there. I tried to work on my old desktop that’s in the desk in the living room, but it’s so old it won’t connect to the wifi router. And I need the internet for this project. We don’t have any heat turned on in the office so I can’t work on that computer comfortably either. I ended up working in the Big Red Chair in the living room while Mr. FixIt watches TV. I use my noise cancelling headphones to play white noise that drowns out the TV completely.

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The Green Comet might be visible to us tomorrow night just in time for Mr. FixIt’s birthday! Now, I HAVE to buy some stuff for that special dinner. Mr. FixIt has requested scallops and a petite steak with fries and a veggie and I’ll make him a cake or pie for dessert. Last year I absolutely ruined his scallops by forgetting he wants butter and garlic ONLY! This year I actually wrote that down on the shopping list so I won’t forget. lol I might make that tonight but more likely on Wednesday to celebrate on the actual day. I can’t believe how fast January flew by. Tomorrow is February already!!!

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?

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“Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master. Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don’t take advantage of them.”

\nColossians 3:18-19 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-01-31T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/01/31/watching-god-supply-our-needs.html", "tags": ["Positive Energy","God","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/01/28/is-it-just-me.html", "title": "Is It Just Me???", "content_html": "\n
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Me, after the week I’ve had with all these computer glitches!

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Is it just me or are you having trouble with your electronics? My computer is glitchy. So is my iPad and iPhone. The TV picture has been pixelated for weeks now off and on. And don’t get me started on the internet! I’ve spent hours the last two days scanning my hard drives. Running virus scans. Backing up my iPad. Trying to dump extra data off of it. It’s frustrating. Why don’t things just work like they’re supposed to? 

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I know, I know…first world problems. We have become so entrenched in the digital age…how on earth would we do things if the whole system crashed? Younger generations don’t know a time without computers and cell phones and the internet. They wouldn’t know how to bank, how to write a check, how to…well, do just about anything.

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I’m knee deep in this project and I’m loving it…except for the glitchy electronics. It can’t just be me. My dear friend Sue told me the other night they were also having trouble with their Roku and something else…phones, maybe. My e-mails aren’t even moving right. And it’s not just the WiFi. It’s cell data, too. But, I have to remind myself that we do live in the boonies and our service here is powered by two possums and a squirrel. 

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The good thing is, I’m moving ever forward. 

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I elected to stay home yesterday and try to tease out some of these snags in quiet. Mr. FixIt went to his appointment and ran errands. He brought home a bake-at-home pizza that he got for $5. Honestly, you could have read the newspaper through that crust. I’m here to tell ya…that was some of the most flavorful pizza I’ve ever had. Since the crust was so thin, it didn’t make me feel like I had a lead football in my stomach afterward. It’s from Mama Cozzi’s Pizza Kitchen. He bought it at Aldi’s…our new favorite grocery store. It’s billed as a cut rate market with items from around the world. The only staff on hand are the folks running the cash register and someone stocking the shelves and you have to bring your own bags or use the boxes they’re throwing out. That keeps the overhead low and it’s reflected in the prices.

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Mr. FixIt is heading up to the WVU basketball game with his son and I’m staying here to get some more work done. I promise I’m going to get some fun stuff in as well. I’m glad I came up with this idea at this time of year…I have much more free time than I would in the summer.

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As I was writing yesterday’s post, the date seemed familiar somehow. I thought about it a bit then it occurred to me…I married Hubby #1 fifty years ago. I know I’ve mentioned that in the past few weeks, but at the time, it just flew right over my head. I sent him a text and told him how glad I was we were still friends. I’ve known him even longer than I’ve known Mr. FixIt. Hubby #1 and I officially met in Junior High. His family and mine have been intertwined since before I was born.

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I know there are people who get out of horrible marriages and have nothing to do with their exes. I can understand that it’s different for everyone and I don’t judge them one bit. I’m fortunate to have two ex-husbands that I managed to remain friends…even family…with. I worked hard for that connection because it was easier for our kids and easier for us in the long run. And, it sets an example of good behavior for the younger generations should there be a breakup in their marriages…God forbid.

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I’m sending some intentions out before God surrounding this project, for the items I need to make it easier, and for the venture to be a success. I’m reminding myself that Philippians 4:13 isn’t just referring to getting through the horrors in life. I believe we can use that scripture to help us work through the hard stuff, the frustrating stuff, the stuff that seems never-ending. We CAN succeed through Christ who strengthens us when we approach him through prayers and thanksgiving.

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?

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“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

\nPhilippians 4:6 NIV\n
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#Prayer, #Strength, #Thanksgiving

\n\n", "date_published": "2023-01-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/01/28/is-it-just-me.html", "tags": ["Prayer","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/01/23/earth-and-heaven-collide.html", "title": "Earth and Heaven Collide", "content_html": "\n
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I’ve been writing a lot about organization this week. That’s because I’m doing the project…the BIG project. I have great ideas for a LOT of things I want to implement. But, unlike Martha Stewart, I don’t have a creative staff at my beck and call. When I have grandiose ideas, there’s only one person who is sitting in front of the computer and doing the scut work to implement them. That’s not to say Mr. FixIt wouldn’t help if I asked him…he certainly would. But I’ve done my typical “Gemini Ginny” thing and bit off a really huge bite. 

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I took the weekend off and sat back to ruminate on how I want this to work. I checked my visions and ideas and the practicality of it all and decided I’d better make a “vision board” so I can embrace this in chunks. Nothing worse than getting overwhelmed and not get anything done. I have an initial goal of mid March. However, I don’t want to launch something halfway, so I’m just going to let it unfold organically, take the pressure off myself, and set up one part at a time. There is absolutely NO need to bring myself unneeded stress!

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That being said, I did play on my computer with a new program yesterday. Not to make much of anything, but to learn the ins and outs of it. I’m still on the fence as to whether this program is actually better than the one I’ve been using but I’m willing to give it a chance. I did find a bunch of supplies I put away a long time ago that are going to come in very handy so that was a pleasant surprise, and a big money saver. I know I’m being cryptic, but I don’t want to give too much away till I’m ready. It may happen a little later than I hoped.

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My Latest Christmas Stocking

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Mr. FixIt went to hang out at the bowling alley with his buddies last night. I stayed at home and had some quiet time. We had a peaceful day. After online church, I knitted while he watched football. I baked some cinnamon rolls in the afternoon and then played on the computer in my studio for a few hours before I called it quits and came upstairs to write.

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I spoke with my cousin yesterday morning after church and my aunt is still hanging on. She is my mom’s last living sister. Mom passed away nineteen years ago tomorrow. I wonder if she’s “coming” to take my Aunt Rosie home? Mom had a heart of gold and would do anything she could for someone. It warms my heart to think she would come to get her baby sister. Earth and Heaven are about to collide in my world.

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?

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“Isn’t it obvious that all angels are sent to help out with those lined up to receive salvation?”

\nHebrews 1:14 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-01-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/01/23/earth-and-heaven-collide.html", "tags": ["Family","God","Home"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/01/07/two-trips-to-town.html", "title": "TWO Trips to Town!", "content_html": "\n
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I needed to get my blood drawn yesterday for my followup Tuesday with the Endocrine Surgeon who did my parathyroidectomy last February. This will quite likely be my last appointment with him and I’ll be discharged from his care. I drove in early for the blood draw, then ran a few errands and headed home. If I just drove there and straight back, it’s about a ninety minute roundtrip.

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I no sooner got settled in the Big Red Chair when the phone rang. The lab ran out of the reagent to do the parathyroid hormone level so the test needed to go over to the hospital lane. Unfortunately, the hospital uses a different kind of tube for their PTH testing and I needed to go back for another blood draw. They were most apologetic and hey…I get it. I worked in medicine my whole life. I understand unpredictable things happen.

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I left home the first time at about 8:15AM. I got home the second time at 3:30PM. What is it I tell you? There is no such thing as a quick trip to town. After the first blood draw, I stopped at Michael’s to get a couple small canvases for my foray back into painting. While I was there, I found a really cool “Shot Box”…a portable “photo studio” for taking better photos for my blog. I also have some other things up my sleeve and this will be just what I need for both jobs.

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I wanted to get some more yarn for the little Christmas stockings I’m knitting, but I couldn’t remember the manufacturer’s name. When I was driving back into town the second time, I called Mr. FixIt and asked him to send me a photo of the band that went around the skein of yarn. Once he sent that, I could look on the internet for that brand and see where it is sold locally. I couldn’t remember exactly where I’d gotten it before. Turns out, my first hunch was right and it came from Michael’s. This time I walked right to it, found the correct colors, and also found something a little different. A kind of reddish orchid color and grass green. Those will look so cute mixed with some fuzzy white for the cuff, heel and toe.

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I’m thrilled I don’t have to go to town for several days now. My appointment with the Endocrine Surgeon on Tuesday is a video visit. Mr. FixIt’s Monday appointment was rescheduled for the end of the month. I don’t think I need to be anywhere till January 16th when Mr. FixIt has an appointment. I am so glad our followup appointments have settled into a kind of clump. I don’t mind having one really busy month if we can get the biggest bang for our buck, so to speak.

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Yesterday was a day full of gratitude…two trips to town and all. Because, the ability to be out and about in the world…all healthy like…is such an incredible blessing! And I want to thank you for all your words of support and encouragement yesterday. You all mean more to me than you could ever know. I found myself wondering…would I have ever slumped so low if I’d had this blog back then? My next thought was, this was all GOD’S timing. I became strengthened by the hard things in my life. And that strength is what bought me to where I am today.

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What an amazing life we lead…and what an amazing God we have to lead us through it!

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Amen!

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?

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“I didn’t die. I lived! And now I’m telling the world what God did. God tested me, he pushed me hard, but he didn’t hand me over to Death…..”

\nPsalm 118:17-20 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-01-07T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/01/07/two-trips-to-town.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/01/06/twentythree-years-and-counting.html", "title": "Twenty-Three Years and Counting", "content_html": "\n
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It was a cold yet beautiful day. The sky was azure blue with occasional white puffy clouds. Everyone left for the day…my daughter to school, her daddy to work at the hospital. I’m not sure what I did that day other than what I had been doing for longer than I could remember…to try to escape into a drug-induced sleep.

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I was lost, broken, sad, confused, angry. I was more depressed than I had ever been in my life and I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of it this time. My marriage was irretrievably broken. It had been so long since I worked outside the home. My medical registration to practice Radiologic Technology had long since lapsed. And besides, even if it hadn’t, I didn’t have it together enough to get a job. I felt trapped like a bug in a box and I didn’t know where to turn.

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So, I turned further inward.

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It was really dark and scary in there. I’ve read so many comments about loss to suicide in the years since that day. Things like, “What were they thinking!” “How selfish!” “If only they’d told me.” These are the thoughts of stable-minded people. Let me assure you, when you are in the briny deep, your thoughts are anything BUT stable. You aren’t thinking straight. You are just so bloody tired and you honestly think you’ll be doing your loved ones a favor by disappearing.

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I tried to disappear. Oh, it wasn’t like I had the conscious thought that I wanted to die. I didn’t. I just wanted the pain to go away. I went to sleep…only to wake up in the emergency room getting my stomach pumped. A night in ICU. Two nights on acute care. Then a trip to the Front Range to a “Behavioral Unit” to start me on the long and arduous road to recovery.

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It was twenty-three years ago today that I went to sleep and woke up in the bottom of the barrel. It was God’s miracle I survived. When I was walking down the tunnel toward the light, God sent my late grandma to turn me around. “Young lady, you get back down there! You have work to do!” She knew how to make you do as you were told. Intense therapy saved me. I stopped drinking. I stopped abusing prescription drugs. I drew closer to God and started a journey that led me to Jesus.

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When I look back on those terribly dark days, I have a hard time imagining how I got so low. I’ve spent every day since trying to make it up to my family by being the best human I can be. I know there are others who have been on this same journey and maybe they still are. Maybe it’s not something they feel they can talk about. Maybe it’s something they would just as soon forget. For me, it is something I praise God for because without his Hand covering my heart, I would have been lost. Not only here, but for all eternity.

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So, I share this story every year on my “Re-Birth Day” in the hopes of offering encouragement to those who may be struggling with their mental health. I had no idea at the time how my actions would affect those who loved me…especially my children. I still ache over that. 

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Self-care IS health care. If you find yourself in a similar circumstance, please tell your trusted health care provider and get the help you need. Once I was well again, my life has been extraordinary and I’ve discovered why God saved me. My life’s purpose has been this ministry I’ve been given. My writing has been my tool. My pain has become my platform.

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I’m grateful beyond words to be here…twenty-three years and counting.

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?

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“Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.”

\nMatthew 6:34 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-01-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/01/06/twentythree-years-and-counting.html", "tags": ["Health","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2023/01/05/stronger-together.html", "title": "Stronger Together", "content_html": "\n
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Three nights in a row I’ve slept in the travel trailer! If you aren’t a camper or an adventurer or an outdoor enthusiast, you may not understand what that means. But, if you are, you know camping three nights in a row in January is sheer bliss. It’s not something you get to do very often and if the opportunity presents itself, I’m there! Thank goodness I have a very understanding and supportive husband. He gets me…and he encourages me to be my best self. Which means, I need a certain level of independence and freedom. The door swings both ways. He knows that I am his biggest cheerleader and I encourage him to pursue his interests, as well.

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Mr. FixIt loves to go camping, but the operative word there is “go.” He see’s absolutely no reason to sleep in a camper in the field when he has a perfectly good bed and bath indoors. But he doesn’t begrudge me the opportunity. We have plenty of opportunity to spend quality time together. We sit together in our big red chairs in the family room most days…he watching his crime shows and me knitting and reading. We’ve found that beautiful middle ground and even though we’ve only been together six years, we have known each other since 1968. We are honestly like any married couple that’s been together forever. It truly feels that way.

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We bought some groceries on Tuesday so I put a large pork roast in the Dutch oven yesterday. OMGosh! After three hours, the house smelled divine and that roast melted in your mouth. We had hot pork sandwiches and put the leftovers in the fridge to parse out over the rest of the week. It rained off and on all day. It’s been grey and gloomy for…well, I’ve lost track how long. When you look at the Weather Channel app at the beginning of the week and it says… “Next Sunny Day: None”…you know it’s definitely nesting time here on Marshmallow Ranch.

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I’ve been knitting these cute little stockings for next Christmas and was nearly finished with the latest when all of a sudden…the sun burst through the clouds!!! When you’ve had interminably grey skies for weeks…any glimpse of the sun is cause for celebration. Mr. FixIt and I fairly RAN out the front door and clapped my hands in sheer glee! I snapped picture after picture and finally went back inside. That’s when he called me and said, “You have to come back out here and look at the rainbow!”

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Sure enough, it was a beauty and such a joy to behold! I cannot see a rainbow without thinking of God’s promises to us. Rainbows fill me with awe and wonder. God is SO incredibly good to us. He loves us and bends down to hear our prayers. He covets a relationship with him. I read something yesterday about God’s name. In Hebrew it is YWH. Modern vernacular has added vowels to guide us in the proper pronunciation. YAWEH. The writer explained that Y, W, and H are breath sounds. That God Himself gave us this name to call him because his name is the sound of our breathing. Therefore, merely by the act of living…taking breaths in and letting them out, we are speaking God’s name. That everyone who breathes…no matter their beliefs and affiliations, have God’s name on their lips. 

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I love that thought. We are never without God. We are never far from him…physically. Now, spiritually? That’s another matter. We have free will and have to make a choice to be in relationship with Him. It just doesn’t have to be as hard as we mere mortals make it out to be. All we have to do is believe…and breathe. 

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Stronger Together.

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Isn’t that the truth in everything? Take Mr. FixIt and me…we are stronger together. Our families. Our churches. Our communities. Our nation. We are stronger together. We need to stop acting like everyone else is the enemy.  We know who the enemy truly is. Let’s join hands and work together to create a better tomorrow for everyone. All it takes is humility, perseverance, determination, compromise. Open hands, open arms, open hearts, open eyes…open minds. 

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We are stronger together…and seeing the sun break through the ominous clouds revealing God’s promise in the form of a rainbow is enough to stir my heart with hope.

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?

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“And now I have it all—and keep getting more! The gifts you sent with Epaphroditus were more than enough, like a sweet-smelling sacrifice roasting on the altar, filling the air with fragrance, pleasing God to no end. You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes.”

\nPhilippians 4:18-20 MSG\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2023-01-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2023/01/05/stronger-together.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","God","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/12/24/the-modern-madonna.html", "title": "The Modern Madonna", "content_html": "\n
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Let’s face it…we don’t live in a Hallmark movie. Relationships are complicated and oftentimes messy. We can turn to any given channel on the TV at this time of year and see beautiful depictions of perfectly decorated houses with perfectly obedient children eagerly awaiting the appearance of the jolly old elf himself. 

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Most of my demographic have grandchildren and great grandchildren, so we are a little past the frenetic activity leading up to Christmas. But as the day approaches, we push to create the most perfect holiday so our loved ones have wonderful memories long after we’re gone. The cookies are baked. The house is decorated to the nines. The pantry is full of all manner of delicacies. So…why do we feel so let down when it’s all over?

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I think it’s because we’ve held onto these ideals all our lives thinking each holiday MUST be better than the one before it. We do ourselves a huge disservice with that attitude. I’m trying something different this year. I’m trying to let go of any and all expectations, preconceived notions, feelings, judgements, hurts, wrongs, memories and go into the holiday as if I’m a brand new person. I’m pretending…just like I used to when I was a little kid. I’m staying in this moment without judgement and saying…this is my first Christmas! My first holiday dinner. My first wrapping of presents. It’s taken a huge weight off my shoulders and released me from my self-imposed bondage of perfectionism.

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Our grandson called yesterday. He’s working long, hard hours so his children can stay home with their mama and not have to go to child care. He ordered something for her and it came to the Post Office, but he wasn’t going to get out of work till really late. He asked his Grandpa if he would go over the hill to town to pick up the gift so he could give it to his sweetest girl. Of course Grandpa said yes. And we even had a nice gift box to put the present in so he wouldn’t have to wrap it.

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This young lady is such a good mama to two of our little great-grands. Mommin’ ain’t easy…especially to two rambunctious little boys. I wondered what special gift the boys’ daddy would give their mom that would honor who she is to their little family. When he arrived to pick up the gift, he said, “I have to open this…I really want you to see it!”

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He bought her a blanket…with one of his favorite photos on it. It wasn’t some posed picture of scrubbed faces and clean clothes that was at the center of his heart. It was a candid picture he took of his love…sick and exhausted with a tissue stuffed up her nose, leaning back in her chair with one of her precious boys, feverish and sleeping in her lap. 

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At first, I laughed. Then I thought…OMGosh! She’ll kill him. Then I thought…nope, she’s going to love this as much as he did. She’s going to know…truly know how much this young man loves her. Because, any man who’s going to work and work really hard for every dime then take that hard earned money and put it towards a picture such as this is a good guy. I felt happy for them…proud of them for not taking the easy way out.

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No, “Mommin’ Ain’t Easy”. But it’s a whole lot easier when you can just live in the moment and leave that sack of stinky stuff you’ve been hauling around behind you all these years and release it where it deserves to stay. In the past…where it can’t hurt you anymore.

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When we let go of all the trappings and expectations of a consumerist society, it allows us to focus on the real meaning of Christmas…the birth of Christ in a lowly manger in Jerusalem. Where the Blessed Virgin may very well have reclined against a makeshift bed amongst the animals in the barn…exhausted from the hard labor of the day. Holding her beloved baby in her arms. I wonder if Joseph might have snapped a photo of his beloved such as the one our grandson took had cameras been around so long ago? Yes…this warm and comforting blanket reminds me of a Modern Madonna…holding her precious child in her arms…and leaning into the moment. With no expectations more than mindful, unbridled love.

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May we all remember what this holiday is about.

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May we all have a blessed celebration of the Christ-child’s birth.

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?

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“For God loved the world in this way: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.”

\nJohn 3:16 CSB\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-12-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/12/24/the-modern-madonna.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Comfort","God","Holiday","Courage","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/12/05/finally-finished-with-the-sweater.html", "title": "Finally Finished With the Sweater", "content_html": "\n
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I finally finished the latest sweater! Yay!!! This one took me forever because I was so busy doing other things. But I kept plugging away at it whenever I had a few minutes to sit and knit. I love it! And…this one is for me! I put it on as soon as I finished and, while it is wool and alpaca, it’s really not very itchy. And it’s VERY warm and lightweight. I’m really happy with how it turned out and it will look good with jeans. 

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I worked on the computer most of the day, still trying to get into the I*n*s*t*a*g*r*a*m account that got h*a*c*k*e*d. Why am I being cryptic? Because there are these things called b*o*t*s…little computer programs that have been programmed to constantly surveil the internet looking for whatever key word they’ve been programmed to find. Then, they zero in and attack the account. Sounds all hoodoo, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not. It’s real and it’s a king-sized pain in the patoot. And, once they get ahold of you, they keep at it. I mentioned the word h*o*c*k*e*y the other day and one commented with a link that looked like it was taking you to a g*a*m*e. I have no idea if it did, I just blocked it and removed it.

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I’ve been so lucky over these last ten years. I’ve rarely ever had to crack down on anyone. I’ve seldom had to deal with t*r*o*l*l*s on this page. I hope that doesn’t change now, but we will have to see. All of this has had me thinking. Maybe this whole thing has been a God Wink to lead me in a different direction. Maybe I’m not meant to continue writing an essay every single day. Maybe God is asking me to once and for all get that book…or BOOKS…finally finished and published. I’m praying about it and I’d like for you all to pray for me as well that God will give me clear direction in what direction He wants me to go.

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I can’t NOT write. I’ve been down that road before. I think the most I ever lasted was two or three days. Writing for me is as imperative as eating or breathing. But maybe I need to focus that writing into something you can hold on to and re-read as you need/want to without the whims of social media involved. I have SO many ideas for books and I’m not getting any younger. None of us are!

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I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this is all coming around right as I hit the ten year anniversary of Marshmallow Ranch. I started this blog as a way to sell the art jewelry I was making in my home studio back in December of 2012. I was only working part time and I needed to bring in some extra money. Then, just three months later, Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly and I took everyone along with me on a difficult journey through grief.

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I’ve picked up a lot of readers since then, but my FB numbers stay pretty level. Somewhere over 6,000 followers is nothing to sneeze at…it’s a respectable audience. I never set out to break records. I set out to help those coming up behind me on this difficult path. And, along the way I did a lot of healing and the blog morphed into my personal growth stage, then dating and finding love again after loss. It’s been a wonderful place to share stories and adventures.

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I’m not at all sure where this train is going to end up, but I do know it can’t go on forever. I’ll just have to wait and see what Heavenly Father wants to do with me. And in the meantime, I write and tell stories and chase bad guys!

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This week? Stay tuned for a trip up to get the a-frame camper from the service department in Ohio. Then the holiday cooking begins. Guess what we’re making for Christmas gifts this year? Homemade tamales!!! Ohhhh, this is going to be fun, y’all! I’m meeting high school friends for lunch on Wednesday. Friday night a bunch of friends from our graduating class are gathering for dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. It’s going to be a busy and fun week, so hang on!

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?

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“The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit. Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”

\nProverbs 16:1-3 ESV\n
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I usually go with the flow fairly easily. After all…change is my middle name. However, on occasion…under the right set of circumstances, a quick change of plans can throw me for a loop and that occasion came yesterday.

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We are preparing for the roofing to begin tomorrow. There are several things that have to be put into place before that can happen. We have the shingles and the plywood. The flashing and the ridge vents. We still need the underlayment and we need to rent the shingles elevator so no one has to carry the shingles up the ladder to the roof. What we needed yesterday was a nail gun and the roofing nails for it. 

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We were going to rent one, but my incredible personal contractor…aka Mr. FixIt…found one at Harbor Freight on sale. We’ll need it for this job, plus next year when we roof the other end of the house. It makes a lot more sense to buy one than to rent one for multiple days. We set out for town. I don’t always go on these trips, but I thought this one might be fun…and, maybe I could keep it short by going with him. Big’s Swim Meet was online at 2:00 and it was only noon. Plenty of time to get to town and back.

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Now, have you ever seen us have a “quick trip to town”? No? Me, either. We drove in and the route we took had a detour. We were in the Lincoln. I was driving down a side street, took my foot off the gas to slow down for a stoplight, and the car stalled. At first I was puzzled and couldn’t figure out what happened. Then I looked at the control panel and it was lit up like a Christmas tree. I turned the key off, then back on, and it started right up.

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We got to Harbor Freight and Mr. FixIt went in. After some time, he came back to the car and said they didn’t have any nail guns, nor did they have roofing nails. I thought the alternative would be to go to one of the other big box hardware stores and just buy one there, but that is not the way this is done. The sale nail gun was $89. The cheapest at the big box stores was $269. Big difference. The old me would have just sucked it up and bought the other one, but that’s not how it works anymore. We are committed to good stewardship.

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So, my sweetheart looked it up on line and the closest Harbor Freight to us was 52 miles away. As matter of factly as he could muster, Mr. FixIt said, “Well, we’ll just have to go there and get one.”

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Now, ordinarily this wouldn’t be a big deal for me. But my brain started racing ahead of me and all I could think about was… “The car stalled unexpectedly.” “What if it stalls when we’re out on the highway?” “I don’t want to get stuck someplace and have to wait…and wait…and wait for the rescue service to come help us.” On top of that, it was 85 degrees. I immediately went into fight or flight response. With my palms sweating and my heart pounding and stomach churning, I turned to my sweetheart and said, “Well, I will just take you home and you can go back out and get it yourself.”

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Thinking in my addled brain that this was just a fine solution.

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It was not. 

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First of all…it was a half hour in the wrong direction then a half hour back and we were already in town.

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I was insistent. Tempers flared a bit.

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I knew I was being unreasonable. But full blown panic attacks throw reason right out the window. I decided to break it down into steps I COULD do.

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We stopped at the nearby Walmart and Mr. FixIt got a little bottle of gas treatment to put in the tank. He went inside to get it and I stayed in the car. A cooling off period is helpful when tempers are hot. By the time he came back, I was prepared for the next little step.

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We stopped for gas and he put the treatment in the tank along with a full tank of Hi-Test gas…lessening the chances of the engine stalling. I felt the engine roar when I started it up. It sounded normal which gave me confidence. Ok…I can work through this a little more.

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I reminded him he doesn’t really understand a panic attack because he’s never had one. He reminded me he is doing the best he can to get the roofing completed as frugally as possible. Just that little exchange settled things because it gave us compassion to see the other’s attempts. Compassion brings with it a sense of teamwork and off we went.

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I took something to settle my stomach and he drove the rest of the way. As soon as I started reminding myself I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me, an instant wave of calm came over me. It wasn’t too long we passed a huge sign on a hill by the highway that said, 

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“Jesus Love You!”

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I sat back in my seat and smiled.

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That He does…that He does.

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We got the nail gun and the nails and the rest of the night turned into “Date Night”. We went to a Noodles & Company for supper. It was so delightfully warm, we sat out on the patio and watched a rainbow. We had lovely conversation and held hands on the way home. 

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I thank God every day that He brought this amazing, understanding, gentle and kind man into my life. I know firsthand it is not easy to live with someone who has an anxiety disorder. There’s absolutely no rhyme or reason to it and the trigger can be the most inane thing. Yet…he’s there. He’s always there for me…as I am for him. I don’t know what I did to deserve him, but I’m sure glad he’s here because he’s the BEST!

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?

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“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

\nPhilippians 4:6-7 ESV\n
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Ugh! The thing I hate talking about the most is money. I was never good with money. Well, let me rephrase that. I was never good at SAVING money. I was most excellent at SPENDING it…especially when it wasn’t me that was working my butt off to make it. Hard to admit, but there it is. I used shopping as a self-soothing medication that got way out of hand on numerous occasions. When I think of how much money I’d have now if I hadn’t done that… *sigh*

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Water under the bridge, as they say. I used to worry myself to death over money…or the lack thereof. That is before my wonderful finance guru Danielle taught me the concept of stewardship. God graces us with the jobs and the money and the stuff but we have to suit up, show up, and do the work. The better the steward we are, the more trustworthy we become, the more bounty we can be trusted with. Doesn’t mean we’re going to GET that bounty. But it doesn’t mean we aren’t either.

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I go long stretches without spending much. Then, there are days like yesterday when it gets spent for me. What is it they say about only counting on two things…death and taxes? Yeah, well…yesterday it was the tax man…actually woman…who absconded with our hard earned dollars. That’s the price you pay for owning stuff.

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I never really understood personal property taxes. I mean…we earned the money and paid taxes on it. We spend the money and pay sales taxes on the money we were already taxed on. Then, every year I have to go to the county courthouse and pay personal property taxes on the stuff we already own and have paid taxes on…twice! Ok, I get it…someone has to pay for the roads and maintenance and whatever else we are supporting with those tax dollars. But it chaps my hide anyway.

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So, I go in to pay my personal property taxes and they nice lady in the tax office said the last year I had taxes entered in the computer was 2019. Seriously? I could have sworn I paid them but apparently not. See, there’s this thing called a supplement. In July every year, the tax office send out this paper that has your vehicles and/or trailers, campers, boats, etc. listed. It asked you if you currently own them. You send that in and two things happen…your info triggers next year’s supplement and you information is what your personal property taxes will be based on two years from now. 

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Yeah…clear as mud, right?

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I know it’s confusing. It’s taken me years to have any semblance of understanding. When I lived in Colorado, you paid your personal property taxes when you get the tags on your vehicles, campers, trailers, and the like. I don’t know…somehow it felt less painful that way. Here in West Virginia, you go pay your taxes and then you take that receipt with you to the DMV and pay for your registration. I don’t have a good track record for filling out that supplement form so I kinda got dropped off the rolls.

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That would seem to be pretty sweet. However, somewhere down the line, you’re going to have to pay the piper and you could end up owing a really hefty tax bill. As it was, I had to fork out over $750 for two years’ worth of personal property taxes plus $51 for the registration fee. THEN, I got to take my truck in to the garage to get the yearly vehicle inspection…$15. Oooof.

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There was a huge upside to this little adventure. 

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I got to meet Dee. She doesn’t usually work in the tax office. She works across the street. But here she was, manning the desk and blessing my day. It wasn’t 5-10 minutes into our interacting that I knew…this was my God appointment for the day. We had a lovely conversation about personal issues we both face. I shared Marshmallow Ranch with her and invited her to come join us in cyberspace for a daily dose of love and light. I feel like I made a new friend. We shared our light and I have a feeling we both felt a lot better afterwards.

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When I wrote yesterday about shining our light into the world, it was exactly this I was referring to. The world has a lot of darkness in it right now. But there is also so much light. You and I cam bring so much more. We can shine it into every dark corner…every nook and cranny…up high and down low. Eventually, the vibrations of our very existence will be enough to change the world….for good. 

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I mean FOR good…for GOOD!

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I had a spring in my step the rest of the day. I didn’t even get a chance to sit down in the DMV…they took me that fast. There wasn’t a wait at the garage. I was in and out of there in fifteen minutes. I came home and fixed a lovely supper of Chicken Alfredo which we thoroughly enjoyed. We nibbled on those peanut butter cookies for dessert. The high was 76° yesterday and sunny. It was a picture perfect day to be a good steward and take care of business.

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And share a little light.

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?

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“for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.”

\nEphesians 5:8-10 ESV\n
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When Mr. FixIt and I were first dating and I lived out on the farm, I was complaining about the little flashlight I had. It just wasn’t very bright and I couldn’t see very far with it. When you live alone out in the country, you darned well better be able to see more than a few yards in front of you. But the bigger spotlights are so heavy with all those batteries. Then there’s the fact that more powerful lights use more energy so you go through batteries and they aren’t cheap. 

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Mr. FixIt to the rescue. He bought me a very powerful spotlight that is rechargeable. Granted, it doesn’t last as long as the disposable battery lights, but it’s SUPER bright and recharging is a snap and doesn’t break the bank. I could stand on the porch at the farm and illuminate the top of the ridge across the road enough to see an owl in a treetop!

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Having the right tools for the job makes everything work better. The same is true in your spiritual life. The brighter your light is inside, the brighter it shines into the world. God gave us a precious gift of the Holy Spirit to guide us, protect us, teach us, and correct us. He gave us this gift, not to squirrel away for ourselves, but to shine into the world to help others. Like moths to a flame, people are attracted to light. They’ll cross streets to bask in the glow of a lamp they feel comforted by and safe with.

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This light manifests in many ways. Some people shine their light by teaching. Others by serving. There are as many ways to shine your light as there are people. I shine mine when I write. And trust me…when I’m writing without the light shining through…I know it. YOU know it. The world is aching for more light. I found myself worrying the other day. Worrying about the state of the world and all the unanswerable “what ifs” that could manifest in the coming days. 

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Worry, as the Bible tells us, is a totally waste of time. It makes our lights dim. There’s a grander plan than mine at work here. And I just have to trust that I don’t know everything God has in store for us. All I can do is work with integrity, shine my light without shame, and have faith that the battle’s already been won…on the grand scale. And…when you shine a light for others, your own path is illuminated.

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Do everything you can to shine your light…every day. 

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We need you!

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?

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“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”

\nMatthew 5:16 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-03T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/03/shining-my-flashlight.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/11/02/the-age-of-aquarius.html", "title": "The Age of Aquarius", "content_html": "\n
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I was just a little too young to be a hippy, although I do have some personal friends who actually went to Woodstock. But…they’re a year or two older than me. Besides, Mom barely let me cross Grand Central Avenue till I was seventeen, so there’s that. I was a pretend hippy. I wore the bell bottoms and the long hair, but I had to tape up the hem of my skirt or get grounded. No minis for me!

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It’s probably a good thing I couldn’t be a real hippy because my addictive personality would have had me changing my name to Moon Flower and living in a commune with Wolf and Jasmine and Starlight. I became obsessed with Mother Earth News Magazine and the dream of owning a farm and living in West Virginia. And…in my real life, I lived the role of doctor’s wife and cheerleader mom. 

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Oh, I’m not saying it wasn’t good. There was so much of it that was truly awesome. But not all of it was truly genuine. I never really fit in as the doctor’s wife and I was only a barely passable cheerleader mom. I did whatever I could do to avoid the knocking at my heart’s door…that patient tap-tap-tapping of the Holy Spirit trying to get my attention. I was busy organizing the Jewish festivities in my little community. I was reading self help books by the wheelbarrow full. And I got heavily into New Age stuff.

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I went to pow-wows. I visited shamans. I had my cards and numbers and palms read. I collected crystals and recharged them by the light of the moon. I smudged my house regularly by burning white sage and incense and myrrh. I was spiritually lost. I drank too much. I was depressed. At one point I was close to anorexia…I weighed 118 pounds and took nine aerobics classes a week plus mountain biking, skiing, and trail running. 

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I ran in every direction except towards Jesus.

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Because…He scared me. 

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I thought if I loved Jesus, I couldn’t be Jewish and if I couldn’t be Jewish, Hubby #2 would leave me. I’ll never know if he would have, because things fell apart long before I found Jesus. When I finally did…my life was turned around and I was made new and now look where I am! Life takes some of the strangest turns and we don’t have a clue what God is doing with it. It’s hard to understand something so grand and glorious and totally beyond understanding.

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I decided to buy a Powerball ticket yesterday. I don’t normally gamble. Mostly because of that addictive personality I was telling you about. But…my gosh, the prize is up to $1.2 BILLION…with a B! Oh, the good we could do for people with that money! I stopped at the 7Eleven on my way home. As I was walking in, I looked down and something caught my eye.

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It was a crystal! A clear, perfectly formed quartz crystal.

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I laughed.

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The old me would have said it was a sign! That it was placed in my path by my spirit guide to tell me something. Instead, here’s what I heard in my heart.

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“Go ahead. Buy the ticket. Who knows? Stranger things have happened. But this is just a pretty rock. It doesn’t have any magical powers other than to remind you just how incredibly far you have come on this amazing journey. I made this rock…and I made you and I gave you this one precious life. And you are…my beloved!”

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?

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“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.”

\n1 John 4:1 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-11-02T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/11/02/the-age-of-aquarius.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/10/03/a-sweet-and-snuggly-sunday.html", "title": "A Sweet and Snuggly Sunday", "content_html": "\n
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The latest issue of Girl Camper Magazine arrived last week! You can subcribe to this beautiful award-winning magazine >>> here <<<

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We went to our eldest great-grandchild’s birthday party at the skating rink yesterday. What a hoot! There were a whole bunch of littles there and more kids were just running around chasing each other on the skate floor than were actually skating. That’s because they were five. They could move a lot faster without wheels!

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There were a couple of prepubescent boys there, obviously trying out skates for the first time. Mr. FixIt watched them, then share with me his “first time skating” story. It was a date with a girl. She asked him to go skating with her and he told he he’d never been on skates in his life. She assured him it was really easy and he’d do great.

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He didn’t.

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He fell…a lot! It was no time till she left him sitting there out of embarrassment. Pretty soon, a mutual friend of ours came along and asked him if he needed some help. She managed to help him up, and with a lot of support and laughter, it wasn’t too long till he was able to make it around the rink. The girl’s boyfriend was made because she had her arm around another guy. And Mr. FixIt’s girlfriend was mad because he was hanging out onto another girl. That was the last time he went out with that girl. Unfortunately, our friend went on to marry the other fellow and other than her beautiful children, it didn’t end happily I’m afraid.

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When we got home, I warmed up some chili and afterwards I took a nap under the electric blanket. What a wonderful treat that was!

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My step-daughter called me last evening just to tell me how nice I looked yesterday and that she loved my outfit and my hair. What a sweet thing to say. It made me feel all warm and cheesy inside, as Daughter #2 used to say. We had a long conversation about the decisions we’ve made in life and how we wish we could go back and do some things differently.

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I told her I didn’t. I wouldn’t be the person I am today, doing what I’m doing, married to the sweetest guy on the planet if I’d made one different choice. Any one thing would have sent me down an entirely different path than the one I chose and the results would have been entirely different. Would things have been better? Who knows? Maybe they would have been worse…far worse. 

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You know who knew what my path should be? God. God set me on a path and He gave me free will and asked me to use it. He asked me love as He loves. He asked me to turn the other cheek. He asked lots and lots of things of me and ohhhhh, how I messed up. But He asked me to keep trying and that I did. And here we are.

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Is my life perfect? It’s perfect for ME. God has given me a partner to work with, to love and be loved by, to grow and learn beside, and to share this ride with its many ups and downs. There is something to be said for contentment. To sit in a seat of comfort and joy is more than I deserve sometimes. And I don’t know how I merited my man, but I’m sure glad God led us together for this…the final act of our lives. 

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We got our flu shots yesterday afternoon. In a couple of weeks we’ll get our Covid booster. Today I go to get the title work done on the camper at the DMV. I’ll take my knitting. We’ll seal the underside of the wheel wells to try to keep water out of the area under the sink. Then we head out camping again on Wednesday. Ohhhhh…it’s going to get cold later this week! The low on Friday night is predicted to be 36°! If it doesn’t warm up the last couple of weeks in October, this just might be the last trip of the year. 

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When you put the camper away, that means summer is officially over. Fortunately, I can still enjoy it all winter here on our property. Just not as often. On the warmer days, I can sneak out and read, write, or knit. On the colder, snowier days, I can snuggle under the electric blanket and take a nap. I’ll be able to make a cup of tea and stare out the windows. I love that I don’t have to haul her somewhere and leave her there till spring. 

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Indeed…I am so very blessed.

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?

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“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

\nJames 1:17 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-10-03T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/10/03/a-sweet-and-snuggly-sunday.html", "tags": ["Growth","God","Girl Camper","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/09/30/have-i-got-a-story.html", "title": "Have I Got a Story for You!", "content_html": "\n
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We lazed around the campsite yesterday morning. I fixed sausage and eggs and heated up some leftover corn cakes for breakfast. Mr. FixIt looked on his phone to see what was nearby. The largest state park in Pennsylvania is only eight miles from here so we picked up around camp and headed to explore.

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Camp hair…don’t care!

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Raccoon Creek State Park encompasses 7,572 acres of mixed forest with lots of trails. Located just 30 miles from Pittsburg, the park is a haven for avid outdoor enthusiasts hiking, biking, cross-country skiing, camping, swimming, fishing, and boating. While there is a large pool at the entrance to the park that includes a long, twisting water slide, Raccoon Lake is a lovely place to fish and play in and on the water. There are boat rentals available, but it is too late in the season for those activities. We really loved the spacious campground with lots of level sites. We drove around and took pictures of the sites that appealed to us and plan to camp there sometime next year.

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Now…I have a great story to tell you!

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Remember last week when we camped on the river? We met these really nice folks from Lewisburg…Sandy and Todd. As we talked with them, it occurred to us we had camped beside them…in the same two sites…sometime in the last few years. We think it must have been 2017 or 2018. Anyway, we figured if we’d run into each other twice in the same place, it was fate that we exchange info and keep in touch, right?

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Well…keep in touch, we did. Yesterday, Sandy sent me a text with a photo…a screenshot of a post she had put on her Facebook page back in 2014 with the message, “Was this by any chance you I met in 2014?”

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I looked at the photo closely. Hmmmm….

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Holy Cats!!!!

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That’s my camper…BIG TOW-WANDA! I was towing it with my Ford Expedition. Shortly after this, I traded it in for the F-150. The photo was taken in the parking lot of the Best Western Hotel. I cannot remember what I was doing there that day. The only thing I can surmise is I was working a shift for someone. I was indeed getting ready to head across the country to live on the farm and help my elderly aunt.

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Sandy and Todd were staying at the hotel as they were on a cross country train trip and Amtrak goes right through Glenwood Springs. I only have a vague memory of meeting them. I do remember talking to a couple about Lewisburg and asking if they knew my friend Nan and, of course…they did. 

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What are the odds of this??? Astronomical! But nothing is out of the realm of possibilities when God is at work. He places us all in paths to cross with others. And now, He’s placed me and Sandy and Todd in the same place at the same time…three times…thousands of miles apart! I’m still flabbergasted. I wish we had taken a photo together when we were camping last week, but we decided we’ll have lunch together the next time we come though Lewisburg, so one of these days…you will see a follow up story!

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Back to what’s happening here…something is up with Facebook and I cannot see the comments you leave, which makes me really sad. I love hearing from you so, until they fix the problem, please feel free to send me a private message with your comments. I so enjoy interacting with you all…especially about this story. I can’t wait to hear from you! Have any of you had a similar experience? Let me know!

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?

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\n

“Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.”

\nEcclesiastes 9:11 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-09-30T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/09/30/have-i-got-a-story.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","God","Road Trip","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/09/27/what-a-gorgeous-day.html", "title": "What a Gorgeous Day", "content_html": "\n
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The light was fading by the time we got home.

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I love to drive…especially on a day when the sky is blue with big white, puffy clouds. The temps were cool, there was a breeze, and the trees were beginning to put on their royal robes to show off. We went to the dealership to pick up the Big Birdhouse, but there was something else on it that needed fixing so it’ll be a little while longer. 

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As we sat in a parking lot, eating our late-lunch-early-supper, a gentleman pulled up in the tractor part of a tractor trailer to get something to eat. When he came out, he came right over to us and started up a conversation. Leon is from Dallas, a part-time 50 year old single truck driver and father who found Jesus after an unfortunate night in Beverly Hills three years ago. He drives a gorgeous red truck that he’s “married to”. He wants to find love so he doesn’t grow old alone. I told him I’d pray for him and I’d have my friends in my prayer circle pray for him, too. He thought that was amazing. He was friendly as all get out.

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I love when God sends people across your path…your “assignments” for the day. People to talk to, pray for, lift up, and love on. Leon was a beefy man with a ready smile. His glasses perched on his forehead, his eyes twinkled with delight as we chatted. It occurred to me, I didn’t really notice that he was black at first. I know that seems hard to believe, but all I saw was this amazing smile. That’s when I realized…I wasn’t looking at his physical being. I was seeing the LIGHT he carries inside and it warmed my spirit that God showed me that aspect of Leon first and foremost. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all could just see the LIGHT in each other???

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When Leon went on his way, Mr. FixIt and I looked through the reservation app on my phone and chose our next camping adventure which begins tomorrow. We’ve stayed at this campground before but not since 2019. There’s deep woods all around, and the further we get into late September, early October the more the colors are going to change! My all time favorite time to camp!

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Today is mowing day at the farm then a phone conference with my brother’s care team in Colorado. And repacking the camper. Then we’ll be off on another adventure in the morning!

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?

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“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.””

\nJohn 8:12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-09-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/09/27/what-a-gorgeous-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","God","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/08/09/would-it-help.html", "title": "Would It Help?", "content_html": "\n
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I’ve set aside the stitches for the sleeves and I’m working down the body of the sweater.

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I’ve all but stopped watching movies. I’ll bet I could count on one hand how many I’ve been able to sit through since Mr. Virgo died. For a lot of reasons. Mainly, because my attention span is that of a preschooler. But also because I can’t stand blood and gore anymore. Or sirens. Or emergency room scenes. PTSD is a beast that kinda lurks in the background…waiting to pounce when you least expect it. I don’t necessarily miss movies because I have a zillion other things I’d rather do.

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On Sunday afternoon, Mr. FixIt and I were sitting in the living room waiting for the kids to arrive. I was knitting and he was scrolling through channels looking for something interesting. We watched an episode of Monk. I can tolerate that because there’s not a lot of real gore or ER scenes. And Monk is so endearing with his own case of PTSD surrounding the loss of his wife. I can relate to him.

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At the end of the episode, a movie started. I watched the opening credits and when I saw Tom Hanks was starring in it, I decided to give it a shot. I really enjoy his acting. The movie was Bridge of Spies. It takes place during the Cold War. A spy is caught, a pilot is downed, and an exchange is attempted. There’s lots of intrigue and it’s based on a real event. The Russian spy is an unassuming, bespectacled man who paints portraits and carries secrets. Tom Hanks plays the attorney who is assigned to defend the spy…not a popular position in the McCarthy Era.

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There is a courtroom scene where Hanks’ character is sharing some disappointing news to the spy who is cool as a cucumber. Hanks turns to him and says, “Don’t you ever worry?” The spy calmly looks at him and says, “Would it help?”

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I sat there for a moment, thinking about this simple three word question we could all use every single time something worrisome comes up. I come from a long line of professional worriers. Just yesterday, I was talking with my brother on the phone. We’d been playing phone tag for a couple days. As we were saying our goodbyes, he said, “I’m glad you’re still alive.” I said, “Sweetheart, when you call me and I don’t answer, it means that I’m busy, not that I’m dead, ok?” He said, “Ok, I’ll try not to worry.”

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I hate worrying, but that sure doesn’t stop me from doing it. I can remember in my 20’s and 30’s, trying to call my mom…who was ALWAYS home. I was actually known to call the ER to see if she was there when I couldn’t reach her in a timely fashion. I worried about my kids…probably WAY too much, but that’s what happens when you’ve been the victim of childhood sexual abuse. You worry about EVERY possible thing that can go wrong and you try to plan out every possible scenario before it happens so you don’t get caught flat footed.

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It’s exhausting.

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What a simple question to ask yourself when you start down that rabbit hole. 

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“Would it help?”

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Does worrying help anything…I mean, really help? It just compounds an already stressful situation. I’ve done a lot better as I get older. I have a lot more tools in my toolbox. One of the most common questions I ask myself is this… 

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“Is there anything I can do about it at this very moment?”

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If the answer is yes…then I try to do that thing. If the answer is no, I just hand it over to God and ask Him to do the heavy lifting for me. If not, I can easily slip into anticipatory anxiety and I hate that. 

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God wants to help us…on all days…in all ways. Nothing is too big or too small for God. We aren’t bothering Him when we ask Him for help. As a matter of fact, I think it pleases Him greatly when we turn to Him. Just remember how you feel when your adult child asks you for your opinion or direction. Doesn’t that feel good? Well, it feels good to God, too.

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Next time you’re handling something cool as a cucumber and someone says, “Don’t you ever worry?” Just ask them…

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“Would it help?”

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\n[www.youtube.com/watch](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXRcxk11LqE)\n
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?

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“Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.”

\nProverbs 12:25 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-08-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/08/09/would-it-help.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/12/a-mellow-day.html", "title": "A Mellow Day", "content_html": "\n
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The color is washed out in this photo. I was sitting in the shade under the pergola.

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I sleep out in the camper as often as I can in the summer. It not only gives me the feeling that I am really camping, but it also takes me to that safe place of prayer and meditation where I spent the first couple of years after becoming a widow. I was so upset Friday when the camper broke…AGAIN. And I knew I would toss and turn with my stomach in knots. So, I settled in, turned on the fans, and stretched out to read and write and knit. 

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The former Mrs. FixIt came over yesterday with a picture of a border collie that she decoupaged on wood. It looked just like Alice and it was so sweet of her to bring it to us. She was on her way to the nursery to get some plants at their big sale. If it weren’t for the fact that we travel and camp so much during the summer, I would have gotten some, too. But no one is here to water them regularly and I hate to spend good money on flowers that will either wither and die or be eaten my the local fauna. It was lovely to visit with her, though.

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We had a very lazy, lay low day. We thought we might go out to the farm to mow, but it really didn’t need it on Wednesday when we were there. Maybe Monday. We cooked out and ate on the deck by the pool, which was lovely….our first time this season. The high here was only 75° yesterday and I can handle that all day long. Starting Tuesday, we head into the 90’s…just in time for my camping trip with the girls! Thank God for air conditioning in the camper! When I camp with my camping gals, we chat all morning, and then sit in the shade with fans till we can’t stand it anymore, then we nap and read in the AC till the evening starts to cool off. That’s my kind of camping!

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We’ll mow here today. I know…it’s Sunday. The day of rest and praising Jesus…both of which I can do from the seat of a tractor. I’ll crank up my music on the headphones and worship Him in His creation…taking care of what He gave us. 

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? ? ?

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““Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created.””

\nRevelation 4:11 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/12/a-mellow-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/09/god-and-the-big-black.html", "title": "God and the Big Black Bear", "content_html": "\n
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When we were mowing here at the house this week, I used just about all the gas in the can. There was maybe a cup left. Mr. FixIt was using the push mower and needed gas, so he used some in one of our spare cans. I have no idea how old it was, but sure enough…it was bad and the mower just would not run. About a year ago, the throttle started surging on it so I knew it was going to need some work soon. 

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Ever since Mr. Virgo died, I’ve been adamant about learning how to do things on my own. There is a boatload of stuff to know when you live on five acres, so Mr. FixIt is really good about teaching me or talking me through it all. I tried putting a new air filter on it and that didn’t help. We had already emptied the old gas so I put fresh gas in it. Nothing. So, we put the mower up on the picnic table and I set to work tearing the carburetor apart. I wanted to clean it out and see if we could get the mower running again.

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I got the carburetor cleaned up and everything put back together, but it leaked gas. We ran to town to get a new one and I put it back together when we got home. There was only one problem. One of the mounting bolts was stripped and that’s why it leaked. We ordered replacement bolts online and they’ll get here in a week. Then we can try it again. It feels so empowering every time I do something like this and I am so appreciative that my husband isn’t territorial.

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Once we got everything put away, we headed to the farm to mow. There are four different county roads between here and there. We had just turned onto the third road when Mr. FixIt said, “Boy, I sure would like to see a bear out here! I’ve lived in this area since 1979 and I have never seen a bear once!” I reminded him we have them because we’ve seen scat. I am sure I heard one out at the farm one time, but I’ve never seen one here either.

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We drove on through the countryside, admiring the lush green and commenting what a beautiful day it was. The wildflowers are plentiful along the roadways and everywhere you looked there were daisies and red clover and honeysuckle. We came around a bend about a mile before our next turn, and there…I kid you not…there was a really good sized black bear running up the road and across! It looked back at us and hightailed it up the far bank and into the woods.

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We looked at each other in stunned silence, mouths agape, and then we started laughing at the sheer absurdity of it! I mean…seriously??? Did that just happen??? Yep, it sure did. We both lamented that we didn’t get a picture. Coincidence? Maybe. Mr. Virgo? Possibly. God? Most definitely! God delights in providing all his children’s needs and sometimes, what His children need is an unexpected surprise and a whole lot of laughter!

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And a really great story!

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?

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“Let a man meet a she-bear robbed of her cubs rather than a fool in his folly.”

\nProverbs 17:12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-09T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/09/god-and-the-big-black.html", "tags": ["God","Be Joyful!","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/06/new-eyes.html", "title": "New Eyes", "content_html": "\n
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I remember when I became a Christian and invited Jesus into my heart. It felt as though every cell in my body had been made new again. My vision was even different. I was given new eyes. Not literally, of course…but I was seeing the world through the lens of Jesus. Everything was filtered in a new light and I could see beauty in places I’d never seen it before.

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I was talking with a friend of mine the other day who is developing a relationship with God. I shared something in a conversation and the response was… “You have grown.” I smiled and said a gracious thank you. I have grown. I’ve put in a lot of work AND Jesus has done the biggest part of the heavy lifting. However, part of the shift in this person’s perception is the new eyes they’ve been given. It’s wonderful to see the metamorphosis in a person that comes through faith. 

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I watched church online yesterday. It’s the first time I’ve watched a sermon in a while. We’ve been in a season of being still. We stopped going to church in person early in the pandemic. We watched our home church online for about a year afterward. Then, a series of events occurred that caused us to lose confidence in our pastor. I was disappointed, to say the least. It wasn’t a crisis of faith or belief. We just needed to be still and listen for God in our lives. 

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He has shown up in huge ways. We’ve seen frank miracles play out before us and it’s been so comforting to know God never leaves our side…no matter where we are in our process. I picked up my coffee and my book and headed out to the deck to read before the day got too hot. Not long after I sat down, I received a notification that Red Rocks Church was going online in five minutes. I felt compelled to tune in and it was as if someone passed a note to Pastor Shane and said, “Here…talk about letting go. Ginny needs to hear this and send it to her friend.” It was the perfect message at the perfect time.

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God shows up for us in the most amazing ways and we can truly be in a relationship with Him if we open our hearts and minds, let go, and listen for His voice. It humbles me every single time. It excites me. It brings me joy. It fills me with awe. I sat there listening to the sermon and it couldn’t have been more direct if they would have said my name…or my friend’s name. I shared it, of course. After all…it was given to me for that very purpose.

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Hearing God’s voice, feeling His presence, and taking directions is only part of the equation. It’s equally important to do what He tells us to do. When you do that, there is inexplicable peace and joy that washes in. And that…that is a feeling that makes you want to keep coming back for more.

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?

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“You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of your presence and the pleasures of living with you forever.”

\nPsalms 16:11 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/06/new-eyes.html", "tags": ["Faith","Love","God","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/05/finding-light-in-the-darkness.html", "title": "Finding Light in the Darkness", "content_html": "\n
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I do not know what it feels like to be told you have what could be a terminal illness. I’ve held a sacred space for many people that I love as they walk that path but I know that is not the same thing. It’s a different journey than the sudden loss of Mr. Virgo and his heart attack or my best friend who died after a week with a bad stomach flu. I can’t imagine going through all the testing, the waiting, the dread. The treatments. The…decisions.

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Before Harry Morgan played Colonel Potter in M*A*S*H, he filmed an episode where he played Major General Bartford Hamilton Steele, a totally batty two-star general. Upon meeting Father Mulcahy, he shouted “There are no atheists in foxholes!” Which is an aphorism suggesting extreme times of stress or fear can cause one to search for a higher power to help through the episode.

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I can attest, from a personal perspective, there is much truth in that. It wasn’t until I was “at the bottom of my barrel” after an ugly nervous breakdown and the subsequent loss of my mother that I finally gave in and handed the reigns over to God. I cannot imagine how I would have gotten through Mr. Virgo’s death without Jesus to carry me through the tall grass. 

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Serious illness triggers a grief response the same as losing a loved one. Finding your way through the darkness of grief is easier when you carry the Light of God with you. That Light gives you hope…not only in the possibility of healing, but also the hope of something beyond. When I was in Colorado last month staying with my son-in-law’s parents, I learned of a book they were reading called After by Bruce Greyson, MD. 

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Like most science-backed physicians, Dr. Greyson believed “near death experiences” were a product of wishful thinking or the side effects of a dying brain. Then, as a new physician, he had his own experience with a dying patient that he couldn’t explain. This led him into forty-five years of research into Near Death Experiences at the University of Virginia. My friend Sue told me the book made her feel even more hopeful about what lies beyond death.

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I ordered my own copy and have just started reading it. I went through an interesting experience when I was in the Emergency Room after my overdose so I’m looking forward to reading similar stories. I know in my heart that Heaven is real. But maybe…just maybe, God gives us these little glimpses of what is to come. Like standing outside the window of the biggest and best toy store as a kid and looking through a clear spot in the glass then sending us home to tell about what we saw.

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Where there is Light, there is always hope. It’s something to hold onto, to treasure, to believe in. To have Faith in. It can get you through the darkest hours. Going through the grief of loss, be it life or health or what have you, the cries and laments from the pain is how we honor what was lost. Using that Light to help you through the darkness is life changing. You WILL come out a different person on the other side. Changed.

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The greatest change doesn’t come in your comfort zone. On that you can rely.

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?

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“Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.” 

\nHebrews 11:1 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-05T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/05/finding-light-in-the-darkness.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/04/the-beauty-of-flowers.html", "title": "The Beauty of Flowers", "content_html": "\n
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When I walked into the house last Saturday, there were a dozen roses waiting for me on the kitchen counter. The house was picked up and tidy, there were fresh baked chocolate chip cookies, and a new carton of Half & Half for my coffee in the fridge. I felt so loved and I knew how much Mr. FixIt missed me. I missed him as well, however my time had been packed so full with activities and the chore of driving five days in each direction, I didn’t have much time to dwell on it. Here, it was just him and the cat so he was super duper glad to have me home. 

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I love flowers. I would love to have a garden like Martha Stewart, but I won’t spend the money to feed the deer and the bunnies who frequent our property. I’ll make do with what nature provides from the first raspberry pink blush of the redbud trees to the ghostly lace dresses of the dogwood in the underbrush of the woods. Wildflowers bloom and fade, only to be replaced with the next batch and the next and the next. It seems to be a never ending parade of beauty here in West Virginia.

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While there is always some wildflower blooming here, the real prize for me is the dense canopy of deciduous hardwoods mingled with evergreens in the surrounding woods. Every hour, the light changes and there is a different palette presented for my viewing pleasure. That is God. God gives us beauty. He provides for us these tender moments of peace to soothe our battle weary souls. His plan is to prosper us, give us hope, and a future.

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We don’t know his plans. We cannot possibly comprehend that, even in our darkest moments, God is busy turning things around and bringing us something that is better for us. I’ve witnessed a miracle lately. It’s not my story to tell…not now, anyway. But something I’ve prayed for daily for years…YEARS…has come to fruition. Something I never, ever dreamed was even remotely possible. I hope you’ve experienced those moments when there is no other reasonable explanation for something other than prayers have been answered. 

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It renews my faith every time this happens. I’ve found, when I notice the reality of God’s presence…working miracles right in front of me…I see Him more and more. I hear Him whisper into my heart. And I am humbled that He allows us to see and hear and feel His presence. Ours is a loving God…always and forever.

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?

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“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”

\nPsalm 139:7-12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-04T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/04/the-beauty-of-flowers.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/06/01/life-in-the-country.html", "title": "Life in the Country", "content_html": "\n
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Luna Moth on the kitchen window.

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One thing about this trip…I’ve been so tired, I’m sleeping like a log! I woke up yesterday morning with a start at around 8:00. Mr. FixIt was still snoozing away. I let him sleep for a while, then noticed around 9:00 that the temperature was quickly rising. It was almost 78° already and we still needed to pack up the trailer and head to the farm to mow.

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The far field. Zoom in and see our morning visitor!

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I gently woke up my sweetheart and headed into the kitchen to make a couple of breakfast sandwiches and soon we were loaded up and heading for “home”. My heart still swells with the honor of being able to tend to Grandma’s home place…whether the family still owns it or not. It needed mowing and it definitely needs some pruning back of the saplings and underbrush before it takes over. The creek could use clearing out, but it won’t be by either one of us. Too many copperheads and rattlesnakes in places like that. 

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The farm always looks so nice after it’s mowed. That poor old elm tree needs cut down.

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We sat on the porch for a bit to cool off with a cold drink and listen to the myriad birds in the woods around us. I caught a few on the Merlin app that I hadn’t found before and that was pretty cool. Tanagers and flycatchers and an American Redstart graced us with their summer songs. The Asplundh man stopped out front to check out the old dead elm tree that I’ve been trying to alert someone to these last eight years. I maybe convinced him if the creek bank gave way, that tree COULD fall on the power lines. He took my contact info to report to me what they decide. I won’t hold my breath, but it sure would be nice to get it out of there on someone else’s dime.

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Grandma’s Clematis tangled in the old clothesline.

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I always do a walkabout to check out the flowers around the farmhouse and they didn’t disappoint. Although I missed the beauty of the rhododendron and the peonies, there were still plenty of yellow iris on the creek bank. The clematis has taken hold and is climbing up the old clothesline pole. I even found a blossom on the Carolina Spicebush. A few years ago, my uncle hired some fellas to come and clear out the creek to keep it flowing freely. Unfortunately, they decimated the spicebush and I was crestfallen when I saw it. However, West Virginia has a climate for growing things and all those roots needed was a little time to come back to life. I hope at some point to carry some slips of all these wonderful plants and flowers and get them to grow on our five acres. I texted Frank and Beans, the new owners, some pictures of the yard and the flowers. She sent me some of the gorgeous flowers I missed while I was gone. They are the nicest people!

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The Carolina Spicebush is recovering!

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As I was driving back home, something caught my eye in the underbrush to the left of the road. I looked in time to see what I believe was an owl carrying off a rather large snake to feed her brood. A little further down the road, I ran over another snake. I’ve heard they’re prolific this year, although we haven’t seen one at our place yet. I put on a pot of spaghetti sauce to simmer in the slow cooker while we had our afternoon siesta. I got up to throw the rest of supper together. As I was filling up the stock pot for the pasta, a large doe quietly walked up and nibbled on some weeds along the front of the house. I slowly got my camera up high enough to shoot through glass and not window screen and took several pictures of her. Mr. FixIt was out the other night just after dark and a tiny fawn was walking after her mama in the yard. I haven’t seen babies here for a couple of years so I was glad to hear there was a newcomer. I haven’t seen it myself yet. 

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My visitor at the kitchen window came to nibble on some weeds while I cooked supper.

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We went out on the deck Monday night to look for the new meteor shower. We did see about a dozen or so, but we didn’t have it in us to stay out there till the peak at 1:00am. Still, it was lovely to lay on the lounge chairs on the deck by the pool and enjoy the night sounds with my sweetheart. The lightning bugs are back!

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My psyche has been roughed up the last few weeks. With the trip, being away from Mr. FixIt, the terrible news of the mass shootings, and the usual spates of bad news from people we love…I’ve felt pretty beat up. Having days like this where nothing is expected of me…where I can spend time in nature and at the home of my heart…where I can spent broad stretches of companionable silence with my love…these things restore me. They remind me that, even while bad things are happening, God is still providing for us and loving on us at every turn. 

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My heart is still shattered for the parents and families of the victims of these senseless tragedies. And for the poor, unfortunate children and teachers whose every moment of life will now be shaped by these heinous events. I have heard people saying the time for thoughts and prayers is over. I even said something to that effect right after the shootings. I would caution against taking prayer out of the mix. Yes, I believe something sensible should be done about assault rifles. AND…the parents of these slaughtered children need every bit of prayer they can get. I can’t imagine how they are surviving this and they need our love and support WHILE we try to prevent these tragedies from occurring again.

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And now…it is June.

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❤️‍?

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“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.””

\nJohn 16:33 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-06-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/06/01/life-in-the-country.html", "tags": ["God","Choices","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/05/27/the-calm-after-the-storm.html", "title": "The Calm After the Storm", "content_html": "\n
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Just when I was totally overwhelmed with camping and traveling and putting a camper up and down in the rain and doing it all by myself…along comes God and says, “Here…take a nice nap. And when you wake up, I’ll have something pretty for you to see!”

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I awoke yesterday morning to a chilly, gray, wet day that was thankfully not actively raining. I only had to drive through a little bit of drizzle a couple of times. I had my eye out for a coffee shop and was prepared to get a cuppa joe and a pastry when I saw…the sign! Perkins Pancake Shop!!! JUST what the doctor ordered. There is no schedule when you’re camping so I pulled in and sat down away from others. And enjoyed the HECK out of a nice hot breakfast with really GREAT coffee! I gave the waitperson a very nice tip because she was working her tail off. I wrote “God Bless You…have a great day!” on the receipt. It’s the little things.

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What a mood lifter! I toodled through the Iowa farmland as the early morning fog was lifting. The windmills reached their arms high, disappearing into the low hanging clouds, slicing through the air to bring much needed electricity a la Mother Nature. The fertile black earth has been furrowed and planted and neat rows of spring green corn is sprouting up everywhere. Herds of black cattle with their babies in tow dotted the fields on either side of the road. The constant hum of the wheels on the road set the backdrop of my silent journey east.

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I crossed the Mighty Mississippi at Davenport, Iowa keeping my eyes carefully on the single lane crossing the bridge. It’s “orange cone season” for sure. As I turned south on I-74, I watched the sky growing heavy and dark in the direction I was heading. I often ask Siri multiple questions as I drive. For instance, she can tell me, based on my speed and the local traffic, just how long it should take me to get to my destination. When I asked her what the weather was doing in Galesburg, Illinois, she confirms my suspicions. There was a thunderstorm when I was heading.

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Fortunately, the storm was moving northeast while I was moving southeast and I did not have to put the camper up in the rain. I had it set up in no time and settled inside to eat my lunch and stretch out for a nap. I was awakened by the sound of rain on the roof and lay there listening. I love that sound. After a while, the rain stopped and the light outside turned golden. I grabbed my phone and headed down the through the tunnel of trees to the lake where I knew a spectacular sunset was coming. 

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All those beautiful clouds reflected the most gorgeous light down across the lake and into my very soul. God reminds us that…even in the darkest of times…there is beauty in His creation. I hold onto His promises in times like these and remember this is not my home. I’m just passing through. 

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And with that, I leave you with His handiwork.

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Allison Lake Storey Campground - Galesburg, Illinois

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?

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“And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm.”

\nMatthew 8:26 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-05-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/05/27/the-calm-after-the-storm.html", "tags": ["Travel","Camping","The Grand Adventure","goRVing","God","Peaceful Moments","Road Trip","Big Birdhouse"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/04/28/vanity-fish-lips-and-flying.html", "title": "Vanity: Fish Lips and Flying Machines", "content_html": "\n
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When Daughter #1 was a little girl, we picked up an old, vintage vanity table for her to use as a desk. She sat there and colored with her crayons and worked on her homework. I spray painted it black and trimmed it in gold. I wasn’t necessarily very crafty back in those days. Look at this one…isn’t it gorgeous? When Daughter #2 came along, she inherited the vanity and then somewhere along the way, it was sent on to make someone else happy.

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I never really thought of connecting the word vanity the furniture and vanity the character trait, although that is precisely where this particular piece of bedroom and bathroom furniture got its name. It was used for personal grooming. When we were in school, we learned about vanity in the form of Narcissus from Greek mythology. He was a hunter who refused all romantic advances and fell in love with his own reflection in the water. He stared at it the remainder of his life.

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When I was young, vanity was discouraged as unladylike. It fits in with the pride and envy and even lust, gluttony, and sloth of the seven deadly sins. I remember going through a period as a tween when I stared at my perceived imperfections in the mirror. I remember when I started dating, I spent an inordinate amount of time on my hair and makeup. But still…I never could have imagined a time when young girls would have a portable telephone glued to their hands and take countless…COUNTLESS photos of themselves pursing their lips like pouty toddlers in drag.

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I don’t get it. Maybe it’s because I’m pushing seventy. Maybe it’s because I’m just not hip to the realities of youth today. I mean, I take selfies occasionally to use as profile pictures on my blog or other social media. I have fun with the kids using filters and sending funny photos back and forth. But to sit and take pictures of myself over and over and over? I haven’t changed much since yesterday…why do I need twelve more poses with kissy lips and enough makeup to kill Tammy Fay Baker?

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Our society has become so incredibly self centered. I think it all started with Dr. Spock and his instruction not to spank your kids. Before we knew it, we were handing out trophies just for showing up and no one learned how to lose. Well, those trophy kids have grown up and become gazillionaires and now they practice vanity by shooting themselves and their rich friends up into space on rockets (that may or may not be an over compensation for a small…you know what)…simply because they can. 

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Yeah, yeah…I know. Space exploration and advancing technology is not a bad thing. (And, here I’m going to say something that I SWORE I’d never say!) Back in MY day (OY…I said it!) the uber wealthy built things like massive buildings and libraries and artistic venues like concert halls and museums and ball fields. They didn’t blow the entire worth of Jamaica on an imaginary town square called Twitter where lies are peddled like M&M’s and grown people fight like sixth graders.

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I do not know how to put the genie back in the bottle. I don’t think we can. It’s gone WAY beyond that now. But I do truly pray something changes before we’re warned not to look back or we’ll be turned into a pillar of salt.

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There’s good out there….but dang, sometimes the bad tips the scale way too far. Or, maybe it’s just the lies on social media trying to mess with our heads. All I know is, I look for the good everywhere I turn because it IS out there. And the more I look for it, the more I see. And the more I see, the more encouraged I am to share even MORE goodness. And the more goodness that’s out there in the world, the more it grows. 

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In the meantime, I sit around the campfire with Jesus and hope for the best.

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?

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“Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity.”

\nEcclesiastes 1:2 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-04-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/04/28/vanity-fish-lips-and-flying.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/04/18/life-and-dreams.html", "title": "Life and Dreams", "content_html": "\n
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Our week at the timeshare is almost always perfect. We may have a day or two of chilly, wet weather, but for the most part, it is usually in the 70’s with sunshine. That’s not exactly the same this year. We are looking at mostly sunny days, but our warmest day will be in the mid to high 60’s. The rest will be a mixed bag of rain and 50’s to low 60’s. But, like Mr. FixIt says…a bad day at the beach beats mowing any day!

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We had a leisurely morning then went out to do a little sightseeing in the afternoon. We went to the Wright Brother’s Memorial and wandered around for a while. We drove up the coast road and stopped at the Avalon Pier to check out fishing opportunities. The wind was whipping and really cold, but we braved a walk out to take pictures and a short video.

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We stopped to pick up a couple of things we forgot. I meant to get a box of Matzoh to make Matzoh Brei for breakfast one morning…one of my all time favorite meals to have during Passover. (I wrote about it when we were here in 2019! You can read how to make it HERE!) 

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We stopped for a late lunch salad and headed back to the condo for our afternoon siesta. I love being retired. And I love having the freedom to go places. We’ll camp a lot more this year since we have the Big Birdhouse. We have to do these things while we can. If Mr. Virgo’s death taught me anything, it’s that you cannot wait to enjoy your life and be happy. There may never be a perfect time to do that thing you’ve always wanted to do or go to that place you’ve always wanted to see. Maybe resources and responsibilities preclude you from living out that exact dream. However, there’s nothing that says you can’t adjust your dreams and do something that DOES fit.

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I’ve been saying “life is short” for ten years now. If I say it for another ten…or twenty, God willing…it’s STILL short. We are but a breath…a little blip in time. We are here to love and serve God and steward those gifts He gives us. Life is ultimately simple, yet complex. Easy, yet challenging. Peaceful, yet often stress inducing. I know I’m not the only one feeling the extra stresses of life in the last couple of years. All the more reason to carve out the moments that bring you joy and peace.

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(Thank you for sharing, Zeke!)

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This side of heaven is hard work sometimes…but oh, the rewards when we get to our Heavenly home will be well worth the things we go through here.

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?

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“For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.”

\n2 Corinthians 5:10 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-04-18T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/04/18/life-and-dreams.html", "tags": ["Travel","Love","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/04/17/happy-easter.html", "title": "Happy Easter!", "content_html": "\n
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We arrived on the island at around 3:00 yesterday afternoon. We made our obligatory stop at Harris Teeter grocery store to get some essentials. We are either stronger than we were last year, or we’re doing better packing because we had everything hauled up to the second floor condo in twelve minutes flat! A new record!

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Once everything was put away and we’d had a sandwich for a late lunch, we both stretched out for a little rest. When I saw that the sky was changing color, we headed out to the beach for our first walk of the season. It’s amazing how different the sand looks from year to year. There are stairs that cross the dunes from the private homes on either side of the condo complex that were covered completely with sand. And there was a large amount of very coarse red “sand” laying on top of the normal sand. It’s obvious there have been some really big storms down here since we were here last spring.

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On our way back down the beach, Mr. FixIt was looking down for shells. There were just a very few that weren’t crushed and broken. Suddenly, he bent down to pick something up. It was a key from our complex. With a puzzled look on his face, he reached in his pocket to check for ours and it was there. He checked the number and it was for the building next to ours. We looked around and there wasn’t anyone nearby so we decided to take it to the office.

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As we walked up the ramp and across the dunes, a young woman came along behind us. My daughters will tell you…I can talk to a tree. But I’ve met my match when it comes to my husband. He, like me, has never known a stranger. We struck up a lovely conversation with a teacher from Pennsylvania and ended up walking together on our way back to the condo. She teaches reading to sixth graders. I smiled. I love that…creating lifelong readers is a gift from God.

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We said goodbye to the teacher and were almost to our building when a woman walking her dog walked up to us and said, “Could you do me a favor? I’ve lost my room key…”

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“Is it for _____?”

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She looked dumbfounded.

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“Why…yes, it is!”

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“We found it!!!”

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She was so excited. She had arrived forty-five minutes earlier and took her dog for a quick walk on the beach only to discover she’d lost her key. That key fob is grey and just about matches the sand. What are the odds that A) we would find it and B) she would see us and ask for help? There are no coincidences. She was so excited and gave me a big hug. And look at her beautiful dog!

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We got to the truck and drove straight to our favorite ice cream store. It’s really hard to find a hand-dipped ice cream shoppe these days. Most everything is soft serve and sometimes you just want REAL ice cream. There was a time in my life when I could easily scarf down two scoops in a waffle cone. I couldn’t eat half of one scoop in a cup, which is a good thing really. All that fat and sugar isn’t good for either one of us.

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This is what I love about staying overnight and breaking the trip up into two days. That way we aren’t exhausted when we get here and we can get out and do something the first day. That being said, we were a bit dismayed at our hotel room in Williamsburg, Virginia this time. This was the third or fourth time we stayed at this particular hotel. The first time, the rate was a really decent $59.00. The next was $69. This time they quoted me $159! And, trust me…that place is not anything to write home about. The rate on a booking app was $119, so I went back out to the truck and reserved the room at that rate. Still, our TV did not work. Two lamps didn’t work. The alarm clock was making a weird noise all night and I finally got up and unplugged it at about 3:30. The refrigerator was ticking like a time bomb and the air conditioner roared like a harrier jet. Well, ok…not that loud. But it was pretty obnoxious. Let’s just say, we neither one slept very soundly.

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We have decided that next year, we will leave a few days early and camp on our way down. There’s a storage place here on site where we can lock up the camper. Then we can camp on the way home for a few days. I mean, if you’re going to spend that kind of money for one night in a crappy hotel room, you might as well make use of the camper, sleep in your own bed, and have a much more enjoyable experience, right?

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We’re off to a grand start here on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. The weather forecast has improved tremendously and we may end up with a much nicer week than anticipated.

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I pray you all have a Blessed Easter.

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He is Risen!

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✝️

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“But on the first day of the week, at early dawn, they went to the tomb, taking the spices they had prepared. And they found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they went in they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were perplexed about this, behold, two men stood by them in dazzling apparel. And as they were frightened and bowed their faces to the ground, the men said to them, “Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but has risen…”

\nLuke 24:1-6 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-04-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/04/17/happy-easter.html", "tags": ["Hope","God","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/04/07/holding-on-to-joy.html", "title": "Holding On to Joy", "content_html": "\n
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My dear friend Marion sends me little texts when I need them. Be it a typo in my blog post, an interesting news story, or something cheerful to lift me up…I can always count on Marion to send me something sunny. Yesterday it was this lovely meme. I love dragonflies. They hover over our pool in the summer and rest on the tall grasses along the edge of the far field. They remind me of Evinrude…the character in the 1977 Disney feature, The Rescuers. I vividly remember a family night at the drive in theater when Daughter #1 was four years old. Dragonflies make me smile.

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It was on this day…fifteen years ago…that I married Mr. Virgo. I had no idea whatsoever that he’d be gone so soon. These are the days that used to knock me down in my early days of grief. The first anniversary after he passed was really hard as it was just three weeks after he died. It’s a different life now. A different world, surely. Life is what we make it, I think. 

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I am looking every day for joy. With all the crap that’s going on in the world right now, you would think real joy is a thing of the past. It’s hard to be joyful when others are suffering, and Lord have mercy…aren’t they suffering though? I should not…cannot…will not watch the news. When they warn you that some of the images are disturbing, trust them. Yet, in the midst of all that suffering, there are small snippets of joy. 

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A musician playing the cello amidst the ruins.

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Children being given parties with balloons and ice cream treats in the subways of Kyiv. 

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Couples defying all odds and finding love and marriage between bombs.

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The sheer act of standing their ground and standing up against tyranny brings a kind of joyful pride in the strength and courage of patriots…true patriots…who fight to defend their capital, not attack it.

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That kind of courage humbles me. When I witness acts of bravery like I’ve seen the last few weeks coming out of Ukraine, I feel embarrassed by some of the whining and sniveling I’ve seen within our own shores. Yet, I still look for joyful things in the everyday.

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As I worked on our taxes yesterday, I discovered we needed some more papers to complete them so there was a little work diversion. Once I figured out how to get the things we needed, we both received a weather notification. Rain was coming and we needed to get some work done on the camper to prepare for taking it to the shop today. I’m not sure why the refrigerator isn’t working, but hopefully it’s an easy fix. I’ll have to finish the taxes tomorrow.

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We’ve decided to take one day off when the camper is finished and stay overnight at a local state park near the dealership…even if it happens next week as we prepare for the beach trip. We definitely need a camping fix and next week is supposed to be beautiful around here. We need to find our joy…even if it’s just in small moments spent in nature. We definitely need our beach break next week.

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Even in the hardest of times, we have Jesus to bring us peace and joy. Knowing I can turn to Him, no matter what else is going on in the world, brings me such comfort. I’ll never be left without the weapons I need to fight the enemy. And, my oh my…the enemy is busy these days. But God is bigger…and stronger…and He WINS!

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Who is God? Who is the Great I Am? He is Love…with a capital L. He is the source of joy when the darkness threatens to overcome. He is here…closer than a breath away. He lives in our hearts and loves us more than we could ever fathom. What more do I need than this?

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?

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“He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?””

\nMatthew 16:15 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-04-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/04/07/holding-on-to-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/19/big-on-the-big-screen.html", "title": "Big on the Big Screen", "content_html": "\n
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I gave her her first bath, much to her parent’s dismay. I misunderstood. She wanted me to show her how to bathe the baby by not actually DOING it. We all survived and there were plenty of other baths for mom and dad to participate in. Anyway, my first grandchild has gone from a little tadpole to a barracuda. She and her mom are up north at one of her last swim meets as a high school student. Big texted this afternoon with a link and we pulled her events up on the big screen TV. There, I watched my beautiful girls…Big in the water and Daughter #1 timing the races. 

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I found myself staring at my daughter between heats. Even though she was clear over on the other side of the pool and the picture was fuzzy, I’d know her anywhere. She still stands like she did when she was little. Gosh, I miss my Colorado peeps terribly. I’m counting down. In two months, I’ll be there with them for Big’s high school graduation.

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This is a big year for that. My youngest bonus grandchild graduates in May four days after Big. Then, in August, Mr. FixIt and I will attend our 50+1 Year High School Reunion. We are a year late due to covid. We are truly hoping all will be well for that event. Who knows…between covid and world events, things are dicey.

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Yesterday was so lovely and warm. One of my school chums is coming today to pick up “Birdie” and she’s heading off to live in Virginia. We worked on her yesterday and made sure everything was in good order. I went in to our home safe to get the title and…it wasn’t there! I checked the safe deposit box last week and it wasn’t there either. I told Mr. FixIt, I’d better head to town and get a duplicate or we were in big trouble. 

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They’re doing some repair work on the two lane about halfway to town. There’s a huge bump that hooves up over the winter. They come in periodically and shave it down, but this time they decided to do a more permanent fix. The traffic was down to one lane with a flagger. As I sat there, I went through the sequence of events, trying to remember where I could have possibly put that title. Suddenly, it hit me!

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It was in my purse! I put it there when we traveled to Colorado last year. I learned my lesson when I had to sell that small camper a couple of years ago halfway through my trip because the rough interstate shook the stuffings out of it and it wasn’t safe to tow back. I had to have Mr. FixIt overnight the title. When it arrived, it was the wrong one so we had to try again. This time I had it with us, just in case.

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That eliminated the long wait at the DMV, which is always a great relief. I did need to replace some big washers on the weight distribution hitch that goes with the camper. And I needed a new ball for our hitch. I filled up with gas. $100 was the cutoff on the pump…per purchase on plastic. It was full, so I left it alone. Every time I stand in front of the gas pump or the checkout in the market, all I can see are empty baby carriages on a train platform and I hand over the money with such gratitude. 

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As I write this, I can hear the spring peepers out there…singing their siren songs…wooing their prospective mates. An occasional night bird I’ve yet to identify calls. The bark of a dog comes echoing down the holler and cars accelerate up the two lane blacktop out front, gaining speed for the steep hill ahead. I can hear the faint background music on the detective show Mr. FixIt loves to watch. Our world here is light years away from the strife and trauma of Ukraine. I pray peace for these people…and for our world. I donate and make informed choices at the voting booth. And I turn it over to God and live the best life I can. I don’t want to squander one moment of it. Those whose lives have ground to a halt in this war would give anything to have this peace. I pray it comes soon.

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Today is coffee with my high school friends. We’ll hug and love on each other and not waste a moment of the time we’ve been given. And I’ll try to keep my mind from going into the “what if” closet.

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?

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“Too long have I had my dwelling among those who hate peace. I am for peace, but when I speak, they are for war!”

\nPsalm 120:6-7 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/19/big-on-the-big-screen.html", "tags": ["Family","Love","God","Peace","Birdie","War"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/03/05/a-matter-of-perspective.html", "title": "A Matter of Perspective", "content_html": "\n
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We awoke to sunny skies and cool temperatures yesterday. The birds were caterwauling in the flowering quince outside the bedroom window. Cardinals, blue jays, grackles, and a variety of wrens and sparrows flitted in and out to the feeders and back. Heavily laden logging trucks barreled down the two lane blacktop out front, their jake brakes doing their best to drown out the morning birdsong.

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I looked over at my sweetheart. His slow and steady breathing reassuring me all was well in our little microcosm of the universe. My mind turned to why this morning ritual has become so important to me. It was just about this time nine years ago when I began having premonitions of Mr. Virgo’s coming demise. Nightmares haunted me for a week before his death…voices whispering unwanted warnings. It’s impossible to shake the memories at this time of year. So, I listen to them. I acknowledge their presence. And I reassure myself. There haven’t been any warnings here. No bad dreams. No feelings of dread.

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With my false sense of security firmly implanted in my psyche, I quietly got up…dressed…and headed to the kitchen to make my morning coffee. I stood at the kitchen window and thought to myself how vastly different this life is compared to my last. Time and distance and perspective allows you to see things more clearly. I see the little flaws in my marriage to Mr. Virgo that I never allowed to enter my consciousness when he was alive. 

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I think I was a little afraid of him. To be more exact…I was afraid of him leaving. I’d been left before. That leaves a mark. I was afraid to be absolutely, genuinely me. As I looked out the window at the world waking up, I sighed. Ours was a good marriage. We loved each other deeply. And…it was exhausting trying to be who I felt I needed to be in order to keep it that way.

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My thoughts turned to Mr. FixIt and I smiled. This man…this marriage…is so rich and fun and happy and demands the work we put into it to make it fruitful. He makes me just crazy enough to keep things interesting. He makes me laugh. He holds my heart gently. My name is safe on his tongue. Having been widowed makes all this pure platinum as I count every day a sheer blessing.

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The beep of the coffee maker shook me from my reverie and heard Mr. FixIt coming down the hall.

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“Good morning, baby…how about pancakes and eggs?”

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He smiled and allowed that sounded just fine. Our day had begun. We settled in our recliners. He, reading the newspaper on his phone. Me sipping coffee and knitting. Try as I might, I just couldn’t get that baby sock to work like I wanted so I abandoned it for the moment and reached for a beautiful rose grey blend of 70% alpaca and 30% merino wool yarn I picked up in the bargain bin for $2 a skein.

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My dear friend Gail shared her mitten pattern and I set to work knitting them up. They’re going to be nice and warm on cold winter days. I never seem to find gloves that keep my fingers warm. Mittens are much better. Later in the afternoon, Mr. FixIt ran to town for an appointment. I stayed and knitted and thought of how richly blessed we are to live where we live. We aren’t being bombed. Tanks aren’t trying to run us over. There is a madman let loose on the world. The enemy seeks to devour the innocent. We must be ever vigilant to keep the wolf away from our doors. We came so dangerously close…it could easily happen again.

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?

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“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

\nJames 4:7 ESV\n
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Babies are the best, aren’t they? I’ve only knitted a few baby things in my life…mainly because I lacked the confidence to follow intricate patterns. But, once I started making socks, my friend Gail (knitter extraordinaire) assured me I could do anything! I finished knitting the little baby sweater yesterday morning. I had enough yarn to make a pair of baby socks. I wasn’t sure if I had enough to make a hat as well, so I started with the socks first.

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I’ve been knitting adult socks for several years now using various patterns and methods. I searched for a baby bootie or sock pattern I liked and ended up starting and tearing out at least three socks. That kind of day is frustrating and it would be very easy to just put it all away and do something else. But I have a project that I’m looking forward to starting and there are a few yarns I want to use up before I settle in on it. 

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I have to say, this little tiny sock for a little tiny human is the sweetest thing. It took me all day but I finally got one finished. I mean, once I finally got the right pattern it was smooth sailing, but up to that point I knitted a lot and didn’t have anything to show for it. I still need to buy little buttons for the sweater. At this point, our new little great grandson is already too big for this one, so I’ll put it away for the future. Someone will have a baby one of these days!

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Our weather will start getting warm again for a few days. We will see temperatures up in the 70’s! It’s time to start cleaning out the big building and getting our lives organized while we still have the physical capabilities to do so. The birds have been emptying our feeders two or three times a week. When I woke up, I heard a woodpecker outside our bedroom window, but I couldn’t remember which kind. It turned out to be a Red-bellied Woodpecker which is an odd name because their bellies are white. They’re really pretty with a bright red head.

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I made Baked Steak (a traditional staple around these parts), Buttered Noodles, and home-canned Green Beans for supper. The news continues to be distressing and I needed comfort food.. I find comfort in my faith and knowing God has us in His hands. Reading Heather Cox Richardson’s daily Letter to America helps keep the “news noise” down to a dull roar. 

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I keep praying for the courageous people of Ukraine and for those Russians who are caught in the crossfire and who are against what is happening. What happens to one of us, happens to all of us. We are one species…human.

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?

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“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load.”

\nGalatians 6:2-5 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-03-04T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/03/04/life-in-miniature.html", "tags": ["God","Courage","Crafts","Home"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/01/19/always-be-prepared.html", "title": "Always Be Prepared", "content_html": "\n
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While I was only a Brownie Scout for one year of my life, I forever held to the tenet learned at our very first meeting…Always Be Prepared. I probably took that to the nth degree over time as I tried to imagine every possible outcome to every possible situation. I had an aunt that trained me to do that and it has been a lifelong struggle to let go of the illusion of control. We aren’t clairvoyant, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be a “good scout” and do our best to be prepared for those situations we have some control over…like stocking up with the supplies we need.

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Last month, I was lucky enough to come across a small pharmacy in the medical office building where my doctor’s office is located. I buy a particular brand of CBD lotion there that Mr. FixIt uses on his back and hands and he swears it helps with his arthritis. As I was checking out, I noticed some at-home Covid testing kits and picked up a couple. We haven’t used them yet, but having them available gives us some comfort. It’s not always convenient or easy to get to a testing site when you live in the country, and with the omicron variant being so incredibly contagious, it’s best to be prepared.

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The US Government is now providing four at-home testing kits per household. The website went live yesterday and we ordered our allotment online. Very quick and easy. You can order your free tests at https://www.covidtests.gov/ and they should arrived in no more than twelve days. Testing before anticipated gatherings, wearing masks (N95’s or double surgical), good hand washing techniques and hand sanitizer, social distancing, attempting to gather out of doors or with windows open, and getting vaccinated are our best tools to stay healthy and try to knock down this virus. 

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The last I heard, my girls are doing much better and my brother hardly had any symptoms. I am so grateful for the vaccines. My daughter has asthma and my brother is extremely high risk. Without the vaccines, I could quite possibly be telling you an entirely different story. The fact that there are breakthrough infections is not an indicator that the vaccines don’t work. Quite the opposite. No one said the vaccine would provide complete immunity. The vaccines provide enough immunity to hopefully keep us from getting a deadly case if we do get a breakthrough infection.

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I just started a Bible study on the 23rd Psalm. “The Lord is my Shepherd. I have everything I need.” I am given everything I need. I prayed for vaccines as soon as the pandemic began. My scientific training and my Faith are not at odds. God does not call the equipped…He equips the called. Medical Scientists have been gifted with the know-how to produce cures for diseases. I choose to be vaccinated and use healthy precautions to protect myself and others. I encourage others to do the same. There have been enough vaccines give at this point to demonstrate their safety and efficacy. 

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I pray for this world…especially in these times. I pray for those healthcare providers who are totally overwhelmed with Covid patients. We’re all tired of this. I get it. I am ever hopeful that things are beginning to take a turn in this pandemic and we can all have brighter days ahead. My heart breaks for those who have lost loved ones to this disease. I read an article yesterday that said families have started hiding the fact their loved one died of Covid. When you ask a family member if their loved one was vaccinated, you aren’t showing empathy toward the ones left with the pain of loss. 

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I know it’s hard to be empathetic when someone dies and it likely could have been prevented. This is a harsh enough world as it is. Let’s not lose our humanity and caring toward one another by passing judgement on loved ones of the bereaved. Do I think everyone should be vaccinated? Yes…that’s my medical background speaking. But loss is loss and love is the comforting balm we can offer all those families who have lost loved ones in the last couple of years.

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?

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““I am the Lord, the God of all the peoples of the world. Is anything too hard for me?”

\nJeremiah 32:27 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-01-19T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/01/19/always-be-prepared.html", "tags": ["Health","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2022/01/13/handing-over-the-reins.html", "title": "Handing Over the Reins", "content_html": "\n
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I’m learning to say “There is a part of me that gets anxious and afraid” instead of “I have anxiety.” It is a way of telling anxiety…”You’re not the boss of me!” I’ve been reading the BEST bible studies lately about anxiety and fear and handing it over…letting it go…and giving it all to God. I started studying “You’re Not the Boss of Me: 7 Keys to Managing Anxiety” and “10 Days Of Defeating Anxiety” and they have really helped. When I knew I was going to have this invasive test a couple of weeks ago, I sequestered myself in the Big Birdhouse out back and studied, prayed, handed over, and visualized going through the entire thing with great peace. And…that’s exactly what God gave me.

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Now I’m going to be heading into another surgery. My youngest daughter and her spouse are very sick, presumably with Covid and were tested today. She has bad asthma…so, you know…I’m a mom. I worry. One of my grandchildren was sick but her test came back negative and she’s feeling better so that’s a relief. Then, I heard from my brother’s caregivers last night…he has tested positive for Covid.

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My very first response was fear which quickly amps up into anxiety. So I made myself stop and remember what I’ve been studying the last two weeks. First off…my brother has been double vaxxed and boosted AND he is not experiencing any symptoms. I closed my eyes…took a few deep breaths, and reread the message. He hasn’t been experiencing any symptoms and he’s fully vaxxed and he seems to be doing good and….he hasn’t been experiencing any symptoms. Did I mention he hasn’t been experiencing any symptoms? Good…because that’s what I’m clinging to.

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I tried to reach him but unless he is holding his phone, he doesn’t hear it. What can I do? I can’t jump on a plane and fly to Denver, rent a car and drive four hours to get there…only to be turned away because he’s in quarantine. That doesn’t help him, and it isn’t safe for me, either. I did the only thing I could do…I immediately handed it over to God and prayed fervently that He will keep my Bubby safe. I have the numbers of his caregivers and they will keep me apprised.

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The circle of Covid is tightening, my friends. I know more and more people who are catching it. One of my Facebook friends wrote in a post that she was hospitalized with Covid and pneumonia and hasn’t posted anything since. And that’s been days ago. I’m not sure if she was vaccinated or not. Yes, I know…the vaccinated can still get a breakthrough infection. But…overall…they are not getting as sick as those who still refuse to get the vaccine. Please….please….please get vaccinated and protect yourselves and those you love. There have been millions and millions of vaccine doses now and you aren’t going to glow in the dark or turn the microwave on when you cough or be marked by the beast. The benefits far outweigh the risks. If it’s fear of a needle that has you spooked, get a trusted friend to take you and hold your hand. Give your fear to God, and go get this lifesaving vaccine. I’m so weary of losing people. I don’t want to lose you, too.

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Please say a little prayer for my brother and my girls and Evelyn and all who are affected by this virus.

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?

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“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

\nIsaiah 41:10 NLT\n
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#Covid, #Fear, #Anxiety, #Surrender

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I can tell you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I can’t think of anyone in this whole world I’d rather go through these trying times with than Mr. FixIt. He is mellow and easy going and it takes a heck of a lot to ruffle his feathers. He’s…steady. I, on the other hand, am not always….ummmmm, even keeled. I try, but it is the Gemini in me that sends me on tangents and I know…if I were him…I’d want to have a break from me once in a while.

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I occasionally grant him this unspoken wish by heading out to the farm for a couple days of no TV…no real noise of any kind. Just the regular cycling of the furnace and the gas heaters and the sounds of the sun heating up the tin roof making it shift and pop. I came out yesterday afternoon after my video visit with my endocrine surgeon. He was reporting the results of the Selective Venous Sampling that was performed a couple of weeks ago at OSU.

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I love the electronic charts that are available now. I can go in my patient portal and look at the results of my blood tests or x-rays on the same day they were drawn and not have to wait for a week to hear from the doctor. This works well if you have a background in medicine and can interpret the results. It’s not so good if you don’t really know what you’re looking at and resort to WebMD to diagnose yourself. 

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I could tell by the results that there were three veins (out of the twenty sampled) that showed a much higher concentration of parathyroid hormone than any of the others. That indicates the parathyroid tumor is A) on the right side and B) in my neck and NOT my chest…which is a major relief. We can do one of two things. Wait and keep retesting my blood which is not a desirable option. This disease will not go away on its own. The only fix is removal of the offending parathyroid gland(s). So, the option of removal is where we are headed.

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I’ll need a couple of visits before surgery…one with the anesthesiologist and the other with a voice specialist who will test to make sure my vocal cords haven’t been damaged from the initial surgery. Going in a second time in the neck is not as easy as the first. There is scar tissue from healing, and not everything is where it used to be because someone’s been in there moving things around. 

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It takes an extremely skilled surgeon to re-do a parathyroidectomy and I have every faith in this surgeon’s skills. From his training, to his years of experience, to his research in parathyroid disease, he checks off everything on the list. He not only does endocrine surgery, which is very fine work. He also is an oncological surgeon. So, I am in good hands as far as my medical team. And…I am in the Best Hands because God’s got this.

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I enjoyed my afternoon…sitting in grandma’s chair in front of her window, knitting the next pair of socks. A beautiful mix of sea and sand colors in 100% Merino Wool…soft as a baby’s bottom and a joy to cross my needles. I’m letting my mind embrace another surgery with great hope that I’ll be relieved of this disease once and for all and can live a longer, happier, healthier life. All while giving my sweetheart a little space of his own to rest and recuperate. We all need that from time to time.

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?

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“But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.”

\nPsalms 56:3 NLT\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2022-01-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2022/01/12/an-escape-to-the-farm.html", "tags": ["Health","The Farm","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/23/its-christmas-so-why-aint.html", "title": "It’s Christmas So Why Ain’t I Jolly?", "content_html": "\n
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Lawzy me…my leggings are lying to me. They’re saying, “Go ahead…eat that cookie. We got you, boo!” I went to the doctor this week and, while I haven’t really gained anything…I sure as heck didn’t lose any. So, I’ll take that as a win, considering what we’ve been through the last couple of years. It’s a wonder I’m not bigger than the broad side of a barn! I baked dozens of Chocolate Chip Cookies yesterday. We like to give cookies to the neighbor children so I’ve been having fun in the kitchen. Unfortunately, I’ve been my own taste tester, too.

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Losing one of my besties last week really took the wind out of my sails. I’m just so blah about the holidays now. Well, let me rephrase that. I don’t have the spirit like I’ve had for Christmases past. I’ve been quietly knitting and puttering around in the kitchen. I’ve tried to stay in the moment and not focus on the loss(es) directly while remaining mindful of the changes they have wrought.

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I’m not as interested in gifts as I used to be…giving or receiving. I don’t look forward with the delicious anticipation of my younger years. As I sit and knit in front of the fire, I examine what is really important. We watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” yesterday afternoon. George Bailey lost everything when he wished he’d never been born and he was shown what the world would be like if he’d never been in it. It was dismal and dark and when he learned his lesson, and was miraculously restored back to the life he thought was so awful, he had a new appreciation for it.

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When you experience the loss of someone you love…especially this close to the holidays…it brings home what is really important. Rushing around in the malls and spending money you don’t have is not the most important. Having the perfectly decorated home and the perfect family photo on the Christmas card and piles of presents under the tree is not the most important. Being exhausted, stressed, overstimulated and cranky is definitely not the most important. Don’t get me wrong…those are great things! Oh, my gosh…when you can pull off the magic of Christmas and make it look all Hallmark and happy and everyone has a great time? Wow…that is really, really awesome and fun. 

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It’s not all that work that’s important, though. It’s the memories you make with the people you love that made all that work worthwhile. It’s the quiet camaraderie of sitting together…knitting, reading, napping in the recliner, watching a tender movie. It’s the filling of the bird feeders. It’s opening the Christmas cards from friends and family. It’s making homemade soup and the house smelling of cookies and cinnamon and tea. 

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We got the kids what they wanted. We got new cell phones this year as our big gift. We bought a new set of pots and pans…the first time since we’ve been together. Mr. FixIt has had trouble with his left hand feeling cold since he had his second stroke. The other day, I found a battery powered hand warmer at Walmart and brought it home for him. He says it really helps. I have a couple little things for him to open that I think he’ll like. I’m hoping next year will be better.

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No, none of these things mean much to me right now. What’s most important for me this year is Jesus’ birthday. Mary and Joseph had nothing but a donkey and what they could carry. Keeping things simple this year has given me time to be more grateful for the Gift God gave us in His Son. I have no idea how I could get through life without that. I’m glad I don’t have to know.

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I’m reminded of that first Christmas without Mr. Virgo and how Santa helped me get through one of the toughest days. If you’ve been with me for a while…you know the story. But I’ll share the link here because it’s just as timely now as it was then. If I could visit with Santa this year, I’d tell him, “My bestie died. I need a new heart.” And he’d drape his arm across my shoulder, just like he did that day nine Christmases ago.   https://www.marshmallowranch.com/santa/

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“fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

\nIsaiah 41:10 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/23/its-christmas-so-why-aint.html", "tags": ["Grief","God","Holiday","Baking"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/12/21/tidings-of-comfort-and-joy.html", "title": "Tidings of Comfort and Joy", "content_html": "\n
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I want to start out today with a HUGE praise! Remember how we’ve been praying for my dear friend Gail’s son-in-law, Tommy? He was diagnosed with a terrible cancer that had grown so large in his chest, it very nearly killed him before he could get to the hospital. With four little ones at home, one not much more than a newborn, the terrifying journey of massive chemo began. They were so very careful of Tommy ever since because he couldn’t get the Covid vaccine. Still, a couple of weeks ago, the whole family got Covid and we prayed even harder. His chemo finally ended and he had a PET scan done. They went to Cleveland to get the results yesterday and….THE CANCER IS GONE! He has a little inflammation left from the Covid, but the cancer has been kicked to the curb. This was absolutely a Christmas Miracle!!! God is AMAZING! The family would like to thank you all for your continued prayers!

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Now, to the more mundane here on Marshmallow Ranch. We have taken to sleeping in a little later during the winter months. There’s no pressing chores to be done outside so we are enjoying a little hibernation. Still, Mr FixIt usually gets up a little before me and I linger under the covers, reading and replying to your comments here. Yesterday, Mr. FixIt came in and said one of the kids was coming over to pick up a Christmas gift, so we scurried around and picked up the living room before they arrived.

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I cleaned up the kitchen from baking so I can bake some more. Then I sat and knitted while I watched A Christmas Story and my sweetheart snoozed in his recliner. When it came time for supper, I was at a loss for what to make. I didn’t have any hamburger set out or I would have made chili or spaghetti. Mr. FixIt had ham sandwiches for lunch, so that was out. I thought I might make grilled cheese and tomato soup, but alas…no cans of soup. I could have made some from canned tomatoes, but I had a strike of inspiration!

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I’ve never made this before, and I didn’t have a recipe nor did I take the time to look one up. I just flew by the seat of my pants. Remember last week when we talked about buying bulk at Sam’s and how expensive beef has gotten? I picked up a BIG bag of broccoli florets and had about a half bag left. I had three thick slices of Colby cheese from the deli and about a quarter pound of sliced ham. Voila! Cheesy Hammy Broccoli Soup!!! OMGosh! It was SO good. Again, I don’t cook with a recipe, but I’ll tell you as best I can how to make it.

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Cheesy Hammy Broccoli Soup

Melt half a stick of butter in a good sized sauce pan over medium heat. Stir in about a half cup or so of all purpose flour. Stir continuously to make a roux. When it starts to look a little golden, pull it from the flame and set aside for a minute. You don’t want it to scorch.

Steam about 3 cups of broccoli florets. I use a steamer basket over about an inch or so of boiling water and put a lid over it. 

While the broccoli is steaming, chop the ham and cheese and set aside in a bowl.

Put the pan with the roux back on the flame and pour in about 3-4 cups of milk and whisk it till smooth. Bring to a low boil, stirring constantly and cook until it thickens. I used this seasoning blend called Farm Dust. I love it and have no idea what’s in it but you can season yours with garlic and pepper or whatever you like. Be careful not to add a lot of salt because both the ham and the cheese is salty enough.

Add the ham and cheese and stir till the cheese is melted then spoon in the steamed broccoli. If you like a smooth, creamy soup, you can use an immersion blender, but I like mine chunky. So, I used a meat chopper that I bought up in Amish Country. I couldn’t find one on Lehman’s website, but here’s a link on Amazon.

Once everything is combined, ladle it up in big soup bowls and serve with the crackers of your choice. Also goes well with hot rolls or homemade buttermilk biscuits but I didn’t get all “fancy like that.”
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There’s nothing like a big bowl of hot soup to comfort a wounded heart and ward of the chill of a winter’s night. 

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❄️

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“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

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\nPsalm 73:26 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-12-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/12/21/tidings-of-comfort-and-joy.html", "tags": ["Comfort","God","Cooking","In the Kitchen"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/11/30/be-the-light-change-the.html", "title": "Be the Light, Change the World", "content_html": "\n
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Photo Credit: @QuoteILoveU via Twitter

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There are countless ways to live in this world. I used to operate without a safety net. I never read the instruction manual. I flew by the seat of my pants and wondered why things never changed for me. Every day, day in and day out, I made what felt like really bad decisions. It turns out…there are no mistakes. Only lessons. And God is a funny guy…He’ll keep bringing you serving after serving of the same stuff till you learn the lesson you’re being presented with.

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Baby Christians…those who are new to the faith…see the world through rose colored glasses because God’s Grace is so new and so big and so obvious…most of the time, anyway. After you’ve been in the game for a while, it’s easy to forget just how big and awesome He is. It’s also easy to forget He doesn’t just give you a menu that you can pick and choose from then serve it all up on a silver platter. It just doesn’t work that way.

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God always hears our prayers. And, He is omnipresent meaning He is here in every part of your life when you want Him to be. He answers prayers. We’ve all seen answered prayers. He answers ALL prayers. It’s just that sometimes the answer is “not yet” or, that bitter pill…. “no”. When you’re living life on easy street and you see blessing after blessing, miracle after miracle…it’s easy to see God. The problem comes when things are tough. That’s when it’s hard to hear Him. Hard to see Him. Hard to FEEL Him. 

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When life is challenging, like it seems to be these days, it’s easy to give up and think there’s no use trying. It’s easy to slip into the story the world is telling you. And, the more you listen to that story, the more darkness surrounds you. You can become numbed by the siren’s song of shopping, gossip, television, violence most frequently found on the internet and in the news and on social media. 

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We are like magnets. We are what we eat. Not just literally, but figuratively. When we “eat” a steady diet of negativity, it clouds our vision. We attract what we hunger for so more and more darkness fill our minds and hearts when what we really want is goodness and light. I don’t know anyone who starts each morning with a cup of coffee and says to the universe, “Please, fill me with ugliness and garbage and hatred today. Bring me all the things that will hurt me and ruin my life.” 

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I have found, the more light I open myself up to, the more light I can shine out into the world. When I stay away from disturbing images, vulgar language, hateful rhetoric…I have more room in my heart for the things listed in Philippians. The things we are directed to ponder. Whatever is True…Noble…Right…Pure…Lovely…Admirable. 

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Be the Change.\nBe the Light.\nBe the Church.\nBe Good.\nBe Kind.\nBe Helpful.\nBe Hopeful.\nBe Generous.\nBe Noble.\nBe Honest.\nBe Trustworthy.\nBe of Good Moral Fiber.\nShow Good Character.
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Be the Light you want to see in the world. As Michelle Obama said, “When they go low, we go high.” When the haters hate…don’t give them airtime. Don’t acknowledge them. A fire cannot burn without fuel.

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Be careful where you strike your match.

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It is the last day of November, dear ones. We are in the holiday season where love and light and laughter are de rigueur. I don’t know about you, but I’d sure like to see it last more than a month. I’ve been laid up since Saturday night nursing a pulled muscle in my lower back. This has given me the opportunity to sit still with my feet up…something that is so NOT my usual routine. I’ve knitted. I’ve read. I’ve watched a little Andy Griffith. I’ve watched the birds and the kitty laying in the sun and looked at pictures on my phone. I’ve called up friends and family and caught up with correspondence. But, mostly I’ve sat in quiet contemplation. I’m determined to be the bearer of as much light and love and joy as I can possibly carry into and through the New Year.

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Let’s do this. Let’s turn things around and bring some healing into the heart of the world. Lord knows…it needs it.

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“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

\nPhilippians 4:8-9 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-11-30T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/11/30/be-the-light-change-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grace","Love","God","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/10/06/let-there-be-heaven-on.html", "title": "Let There Be Heaven on Earth", "content_html": "\n
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My phone was in the holder. I drive with the camera on and when I see something I want to remember, I can press a button on the side of the phone and take a picture without ever taking my eyes from the road.

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I personally believe God said, “Let there be color!” And there was autumn. Then He said, “Let there be heaven on the earth.” And there was West Virginia.

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And it was good.

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I took an impromptu trip across the state yesterday to see my sweet Uncle Dudley. My mama’s baby brother. He was just sixteen and in high school when I was born. He’s always kinda been my other dad. The one I didn’t get…do God brought me Uncle Dudley.

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He’s a good, good man. The spitting image of his dad…my beloved PopPop. I look at him in his 80’s and I see what my grandpa would have looked like had he lived past 72. It’s eerie.

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I had a wonderful drive through West Virginia yesterday. I didn’t leave town till around 3:30, so it was after dark by the time I got to his house. We visited for a couple hours, then I picked up my iPad and started showing him pictures. When my grandma was nearing the end of her life, she wouldn’t sleep. She would stand at the buffet and shuffle papers and poke around in the drawers till the sun came up. She was bending and ruining precious family photos, so my mom took them home with her for safe keeping. Some of them got scanned on my computer and I downloaded them to the iPad. They’re mostly photos telling the story of the farm itself. I’m working on a project and I wanted to make sure I got the names and places and dates right before I work on it.

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I learned the name of my great grandfather’s 4th wife. I kinda thought he’d been married between Nancy and Pearl. Now I know, I can do some more research and get more info. This was one I didn’t know about at all.

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We have been praying for my dear friend’s stepson. Unfortunately, he passed away Monday night. Yesterday, Little texted me out of the blue and asked how my friend was that we went camping with… “the one with all the spiritual energy around her.” I wrote back and said, “Interesting you should ask…why?” She said she just had a gut instincts something was wrong. I told her about the death of her stepson and Little said, “Yeah, that’s probably what was triggering that. You need to reach out to her and see if she’s ok.”

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Wow!

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Little is an old soul. She has incredible spiritual gifts…one of which is this “knowing”. Grandma had it. I have it. Daughter #2 has it. And now Little. There is no way she could have known. She lives in Colorado. I haven’t spoken to her in a few days. And, she doesn’t read my blog. She’s in high school…she doesn’t have time.

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So, lots of memories swirling around me here.

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Such good stuff!

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?

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“On the other hand, the one who prophesies speaks to people for their upbuilding and encouragement and consolation.”

\n1 Corinthians 14:3 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-10-06T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/10/06/let-there-be-heaven-on.html", "tags": ["God","Humbled","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/10/02/hope-is-an-action-word.html", "title": "Hope is an Action Word", "content_html": "\n
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How do you keep hope alive when the world seems to be crumbling around you? I know people…people I love…who are really suffering right now. Suffering with health issues…mental and physical. Suffering with financial problems, family problems, relationship problems. Breakups. Loss. Grief.

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I think we are all suffering with a collective grief right now and it’s not easy to find the silver lining in that sometimes.

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When I went to God last night and prayed over my keyboard, I asked Him what He wanted me to talk to you about today. He pressed on my heart…talk about hope. Not just hope with a little “h” but big ol’ capitalized HOPE…the kind we get when we look up and not down. The kind we get when we surrender our egos and ask for help. The kind of hope that comes with big LOVE. The kind of hope the enemy tries to steal from us.

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Help and hope are just a request away and can be yours every moment of every day for the rest of your life. Yes…even when the world is a dumpster fire and your life really sucks.

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Something funny happens here in West Virginia…as I imagine it does in most humid climates. You can be driving along on a warm, muggy day and suddenly hit a cold spot and your windows fog up almost instantly. You reach for the windshield wipers only to find…the fog is on the inside. Your mind runs through several scenarios…trying to figure out what is wrong. Why can’t I see? How did this happen so fast? How do I fix this?

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If it’s foggy on the inside, you have to take action on the inside or you’re in grave danger. You have to turn on the AC…turn up the temperature…and hit defrost. Blowing warm, air conditioned air onto the foggy windshield clears your view just as fast as it was taken.

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Remembering to turn to God is like reaching for the knob on your dash. You have to take action. You have to DO something. You have to look for hope, ask for hope, pray for hope. 

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It’s easy to lose hope in times like these. We wonder if this virus will ever go away. We wonder if the ugliness between people will ever get better. There IS good out there. There ARE many reasons to have hope for a brighter future. But, it’s not going to happen driving blindly down a freeway with a foggy windshield. 

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We have to reach out and do something.

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Take action.

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?

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“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

\nRomans 15:13 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-10-02T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/10/02/hope-is-an-action-word.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/09/01/we-beat-ida-but.html", "title": "We Beat Ida, But…..", "content_html": "\n
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The Cornfields of Illinois

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There was a cold front that swept down through the Great Plains yesterday and it brought TONS of moisture with it. We woke up yesterday and took our time getting the camper packed, but as soon as we pulled out of the campground, it started sprinkling. We needed to check the air in the trailer tires. It took three stops to find an air pump that worked. I have my portable compressor with me, but we forgot to pack an extension cord. Just as Mr. FixIt was adding air to the tires, the sky opened and he was pretty wet when he got back in the truck.

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We stayed Monday night at Grandpa’s Farm Campground in Richmond, Indiana. We stayed there once before when the bearings went out on the big camper a few years ago. I stayed there on my way across country several times and love it. When we got on I-70 West, we’d only gone a few miles when there was a sign saying there would be major construction delays and to get off at the next exit. I don’t know why we didn’t, but it wasn’t long till we were sitting in a parking lot. Between the heavy rain and the construction, our 4.5 hour drive turned into about a 9.5 hour journey. 

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It wasn’t all bad, though. The middle of the day was stellar. The sky was clear and we drove through the gorgeous farms of Indiana and Illinois passing field after field of God’s bounty…corn, soybeans, sunflowers. We drove by Pekin and Peoria…both places my grandparents lived. Three of their children were born in Pekin. We finally got to our campground last night around 5:45. It had been raining so hard and I couldn’t imagine setting up this camper in that. I was afraid we’d have to sit in the truck till the storm let up, but we prayed that God would give us a window…and that the camper would be dry inside. He delivered on both counts and we were snug and dry inside before it started to pour again.

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The View From Our Campsite Last Night….Cool and Wet!

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We thank God profusely for travel mercies and the blessings he bestows on us. And we thank you for your good thoughts and prayers for our safety. It takes a village!

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“Then he prayed again, and heaven gave rain, and the earth bore its fruit.”

\nJames 5:18 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-09-01T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/09/01/we-beat-ida-but.html", "tags": ["Travel","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Gratitude","God","Road Trip","Birdie"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/08/26/the-found-garden.html", "title": "The Found Garden", "content_html": "\n
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I have made many FB friends since I started writing this blog. People I genuinely care for and admire. I learn from them. I celebrate their successes and mourn with them their losses. These were the people my Aunt Peeps referred to as my “pretend friends”. I mean…I can see where she was coming from. She had zero experience with technology and social media. She didn’t understand it and thought I was pretty “cuckoo”, to use her terms. But, my readers are special to me.

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One such friend is Julie Zickafoose. Julie is an amazing woman with a huge, wide open heart. She is an artist, and author, a naturalist. She is a latent hippy mama hell bent on saving Mother Nature and all God’s creatures. Her love for flora and fauna is admirable and…well, I want to be her when I grow up!

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Yesterday, she wrote a beautiful post on her Facebook page about her found garden. Plants that volunteered in the ground of her greenhouse. Flowers that shed surprising amounts of seed that she was able to nurture over the winter and plant in the spring. Bits of flotsam and jetsam found on the discount shelf in the plant section that she nurtured and revived until the thrived on their own. Strong, sturdy, and unbelievably gorgeous. And…almost all for free.

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This got me to thinking about my measly “found garden” this summer and I’ve decided to make it a goal to nurture some flower beds around the house next summer. I went around yesterday and took a few pictures. You’ve seen these crazy lilies called Star of Bethlehem that revived themselves from what looked like nothing but dead, dry bulbs into tall and stately stem of perfect white stars.

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One day last week, I was walking up the sidewalk and glanced over at that same pot and spotted a tiny little purple flower in the same pot as the lilies. When I went over and took a closer look, I was amazed to find a perfect little petunia. Where that seed came from, I’ll never know. It had to have been in the potting soil I dumped in the galvanized tub along with the near lifeless lily bulbs.

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Another surprise came in a different tub. It was under the bird-feeder. Usually, all you’ll get are grasses, unless perhaps a bird has eaten a berry or something and the seeds land in a fertile place a grow. Honestly, I’m as puzzled as I can be because a virtual plethora of vines with a tulip shaped leaf started growing. And growing. And growing! They started to climb the fence and the other flowers and went crazy. They didn’t bloom for the longest time until this last week. Then they started producing beautiful bluebird blue trumpet shaped flowers and I caught my breath…

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Morning Glories!

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I have tried for YEARS to grow morning glories and I have never, ever been successful. I have no idea why. I have a black thumb…I can kill a silk plant in no time flat. And these just….showed up! I didn’t have to do anything.

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They remind me of how God shows up. Nothing we can DO can make Him love us more. We can’t “get in his good graces” by our works. He won’t love us any more if we work harder, or earn more money, or win prizes, or rise to the top of the food chain. All we have to do is be kind, be good, be more like Jesus. That’s when God shows up and brings flowers up out of the dirt where none were planted. It’s one of the ways he says I love you, I see you, I’m rooting for you. 

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Flowers are a gift from God. Little miracles. Miracles happen every day…if you just open your eyes and look for them. I’ll miss my surprise flowers while I’m gone. But, hey…maybe God will have something else waiting for me when we get home! Today would have been my mom’s 96th birthday. Instead, she will be forever 78. Just ten years older than I am now. She left us all too soon, and I miss her dreadfully. Interestingly, the little tiny petunia is purple…her favorite color. 

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This makes me smile.

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?

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““Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.”

\nLuke 12:27 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-08-26T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/08/26/the-found-garden.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","God","Peaceful Moments","Farm Life","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/08/25/when-is-it-a-disasterwhen.html", "title": "When is it a Disaster…When is it Just…Life?", "content_html": "\n
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There are truly disasters that occur. Things that could not have been predicted that befall us and change our lives in a heartbeat. The floods in Tennessee…the terrible ice storms in Texas…the dreadful fires in the west. These are all things that, aside from the unfortunate predictability of increased global warming, are still horrifying to watch. And even more horrifying to be a part of.

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I’ve been thinking about my grandparents and my parents and how they lived through the Great Depression and World War II. Those were both events that shook our country to the very core. Our great and great great grandparents lived through the Civil War…a time when the very fabric of our being was torn in two. They didn’t throw their hands up and cry woe is me. They rolled up their sleeves and put others first. They put their shoulders to the wheel and pushed forward with all their might.

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We’ve become both softened and hardened by technology. We’re soft because there are machines and computers that do everything for us. Everything…EVERYTHING is done electronically. We’ve put all our eggs in one basket and it’s not going to take long for someone to figure out how to take a sledgehammer to them and it won’t be pretty. We’ve become hardened because it’s hard to tease out fact from fiction for the typical Joe and Jane America. We’ve become hardened because we have a screen to hide behind and we don’t have to look in the eyes of our real and imagined adversaries.

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But, with all that being said…I truly, truly believe there are far more good people in the world than there are really bad people. The thing is…goodness doesn’t sell advertising space. Sensationalism and keeping every single news cycle focused on all the terrible things can keep us in a constant state of anxiety if we let it.

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I received an e-mail yesterday from the Census Bureau asking me to fill out a “Coronavirus Household Pulse Survey”. It asked questions they didn’t ask in the regular census. The purpose of the survey was to gauge our reactions to the pandemic. How it’s affecting us….physically, financially, mentally, and emotionally. It asked if we were having trouble meeting bills. Were we able to seek and receive the healthcare we needed. Are we getting enough food. This is designed to find out where the trouble spots are and where resources are needed the most. 

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One of the greatest lessons of the Depression and WWII was the need for social services to help people through the tough times in life. And, it was fortunate our ancestors were largely farmers and hard work was already a part of their daily lives. They knew how to do all the things that need doing and, unfortunately, a lot of those skills have died out with them. I am a strong proponent of bringing Home Economics and Shop classes back to schools. I think there should be a class that teaches young people how to fill out job applications, balance a checkbook, file taxes. I’ve seen programs that match schools with nursing homes and senior centers in order to enlighten both demographics. There are places that put day care centers in nursing homes and it benefits the elders as well as the littles.

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How can we preserve the skills that are rapidly dying? What skills do you have that you might share with young people? What if all the electronics went away tomorrow? Who would know what to do without YouTube and Google? These are things that roam around in my head when I’m not busy enough, I’m afraid. But they are things that should be addressed. Our great grandchildren’s lives may depend on it.

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As disastrous as the pandemic has been, these sorts of things are just a part of life. Sometimes life is cake…and sometimes it’s really, really hard. Devastatingly hard. Knowing we are not alone in our difficulties can go a long way in calming our fears of the unknown and the anxieties of uncertainty. God walks with His children…always. That was one of the biggest gems I discovered in the flames of my grief. While I was a widow and I was crushed…I was never alone. We are brokenhearted over many things right now. But please know this…God draws near to the brokenhearted. It is when we can communicate with him most intimately.

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?

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“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”

\n1 Peter 4:10 NIV\n
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#Skills, #Talents, #Knowledge

\n\n", "date_published": "2021-08-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/08/25/when-is-it-a-disasterwhen.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Wisdom","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/08/20/guardian-angels-and-rainstorms.html", "title": "Guardian Angels and Rainstorms", "content_html": "\n
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We’ve had an incredible amount of rain in the last week after going through a prolonged dry spell. It’s been a blessed relief but that doesn’t make driving in it very pleasant. When I towed Birdie down to Huntington on Tuesday, I drove through a steady rain till I was nearly at my destination. I took my time, did not use cruise control, and never went over 55mph…60 at the most. 

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We lost a fellow classmate a few weeks ago to a tragic car accident. I went all through school with Cheryl, though I didn’t know her terribly well. We ran in different circles. Still, when I learned the circumstances of her accident, it haunted me for a while. There were so many similarities. Cheryl was a fairly new widow, getting back out into the world, and was traveling alone when a semi lost control. She must have been passing him or was driving in a lane adjacent to him, because the weight and power of the tractor trailer pushed Cheryl through a guard rail, across the median, and into oncoming traffic. She didn’t stand a chance and we were all devastated by her sudden loss. (Correction, Cheryl was driving in the oncoming traffic and was hit head on by the semi. Still, a car was pushed through the guardrail by a semi with the same tragic results.)

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As I drove north through the storm coming home yesterday, I was driving cautiously. The rain wasn’t too bad in the beginning. I started to pass a semi and felt this chill. I thought of Cheryl and her accident. I moved back in behind the big truck. Where he and the rest of the traffic kept up their pace, I slowed way down. It wasn’t too much further and the skies opened up. The kind of downpour where the windshield wipers cannot keep up. More and more cars pulled over on the shoulder and turned on their emergency flashers. I turned mine on, too…but I kept driving. I’m too afraid to stop on the side of the road when visibility is poor. I’d rather drive in the center lane with my flashers on and stay far enough back that I can stop, but not so far back that I can’t see.

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Suddenly, brake lights started lighting up ahead of me and I slowed down to a crawl. There, in the sound bound lanes, was a semi…jackknifed. At first, I thought he must have been heading south, but I later learned on the news…he was traveling north, went through the guardrail, and was turned completely around. Just like what happened to Cheryl. Two people were sent to the hospital and as far as I know there were no fatalities. But, I know as well as I know my own name…my guardian angel told me to slow down and not to pass the semi in the rain. She was working overtime yesterday.

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Every time I get behind the wheel, I wrap my hand around a wooden cross that I have hanging from my rear view mirror. I have no idea where that cross came from. It just showed up one day out at the farm. It was on my grandma’s dresser one morning so I picked it up and hung it in my truck. I wrap my hand around that cross at the beginning of every trip and ask God to keep us all safe as we travel that day. When I saw that wrecked semi, I wrapped my hand around the cross again and thanked God for protecting me.

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I soon outran the storm and by the time I got home, it was back to a gentle drizzle. I called the RV dealership and they said Birdie will be ready by late this afternoon. I’ve decided to go back down to get her today, tow her to a local campground, and stay overnight near the dealership in case anything shows up that I need to get fixed while I’m down there. If all goes well, I’ll tow her back home tomorrow and we can start packing up for the big trip.

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I went to Menard’s when I was in Barboursville yesterday and picked up some storage containers that I think might work well. I’ll try them out at the campground tonight. That way, if they don’t fit right, I can return them while I’m still in the area. With all this running around, it’s hard to believe I’ve actually had more restful sleep in the last three days than I’ve had in quite a while. I guess, going full speed ahead wore me out enough to make me sleep soundly.

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?

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“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.”

\nPsalm 91:11-12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-08-20T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/08/20/guardian-angels-and-rainstorms.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Prayer","God","Road Trip","Birdie"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/08/02/church-among-the-birds.html", "title": "Church Among the Birds", "content_html": "\n
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We haven’t been back to church since late February 2020. Mostly due to covid and our church’s “lack of enthusiasm” toward mask wearing. But also due to sermons smacking of Christian Nationalism and a lack of financial transparency and accountability. We felt kind of burned out and disillusioned so we took a break. It didn’t keep me from studying the Bible and reading my daily devotionals and praying. But I’ll tell you what it did do. It slowly became apparent I wasn’t keeping my life centered on God. I was spending entirely too much energy on being critical and judgmental of everyone and everything. This isn’t good.

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When we were sitting around the campfire with Gail and her husband on Saturday night, she invited us over to her campsite to listen to Sunday morning Church with them. We brought our breakfast and hot beverages with us at 9:25 and settled in our big comfy chairs to listen to the first in a new series about…relationships. You see what God did there? He sent His Holy Spirit to make me aware we weren’t keeping a solid foundation under us and to nudge Gail into inviting us to “campground church”. And, He inspired the Pastor to speak into our hearts and feed us with God’s Word regarding the one thing we were stumbling over…relationships. With each other, with God, with the Church.

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The sermon was wonderful and fed us. It spurred us to have deeper conversations. It made me see how easy it is to lose sight of the direction we should be going. I love how God does that. He brings us just what we need, when we need it. He is the ultimate provider. It felt so good to sit in the cool morning sunshine, sipping coffee with dear friends, and feel God moving in our lives. 

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We packed up, hooked up the new camper, and headed home around 11:00. We arrived around 4:00. This camper is so easy to pull, you often forget it’s even back there. We didn’t have a bit of trouble. We stopped at Leith Run to check out the campground there and see which campsites we liked the best for future reference. They have several sites right on the river. We’ve stayed there before and we are anxious to go back. 

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After a quick nap, and a little wait for a passing rain shower to end, we got the camper unhooked and set up again at home. There she sits…waiting for the next adventure. As I was towing her home, her name came to me.

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“The Birdhouse”…Birdie for short.

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For one, she is shaped just like a birdhouse. And for another, she houses a pair of lovebirds beneath her peaked roof. I’ll decorate her with my favorite birds! I know guys aren’t as into that kind of thing as us gals, but Mr. FixIt is such a good sport.

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?

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“Beside them the birds of the heavens dwell; they sing among the branches.”

\nPsalm 104:12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-08-02T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/08/02/church-among-the-birds.html", "tags": ["Faith","Camping","Gratitude","Grace","God","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/07/22/another-mystery-explored.html", "title": "Another Mystery Explored", "content_html": "\n
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In my self-imposed “retreat” out in TOW-Wanda, I’ve been reading a lot of devotionals. About fear and anxiety. About family and strength. About marriage. Whenever I feel I’m heading off center, I like to step back and do a little inventory and a lot of soul searching to find those areas where God wants to improve me. I’ve learned, if you ask to be shown…you WILL be shown. And, it isn’t sugar-coated, believe me.

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One of the devotionals I read in the last week (I’m sorry, I can’t remember which one it was…I forgot to make a note) talked a lot about speaking to the Holy Spirit and asking for His help. I have to tell you, the Holy Spirit has been a total mystery to me. I mean, I have some understanding that it is the Spirit of God that is gifted to you when you become a Christian. It is the Holy Spirit which gives you that “gut feeling” called intuition when you are in a pickle. This way or that way? It had never occurred to me I could actually pray to and speak to the Holy Spirit. 

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I read about this Wednesday morning just before I went to town to get my blood drawn. I used to have veins like the Alaska Pipeline, but as I get older, they have gotten thready and small. They roll and blow up. And, unless you are extremely good at drawing blood, I am fast becoming a human pincushion. Since I actually spent several years of my life drawing blood, I’m the worst about it. I’m bossy. I tell them exactly where and how they can find a vein. I can tell when the phlebotomist cops an attitude like, “Yeah, yeah…I’ll prove to you I can get it where I want.” Nope. Here, or here. You aren’t an explorer and I’m not the buried treasure you think you’re going to find.

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And…it always hurts like a bugger when they stick you in the wrist or the back of the hand. 

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I know you are not supposed to test the Lord. But, I’d just read that I could actually pray to the Holy Spirit…the guy who gives you strength when things are really rough. So, just before the gal stuck me with that teeny tiny needle, I said a quick prayer.

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“Spirit of God…please make this as pain free as possible…and humble me before this technologist.”

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Pain free.

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I mean…nothing. Not even a little pinch. 

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I breathed a thank you. I felt a peaceful calmness. And I proclaimed it National Linda Day! 

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Life is really a lot of experimentation where we try to do things our way. Life is a lot better when you surrender that ego and move over. Even in such a little thing as drawing blood, God sends His Spirit to minister to you.

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You just need to remember to ask.

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I’m looking forward to developing an even deeper relationship with God through this new avenue of prayer. 

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?

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“When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you. All that the Father has is mine; therefore I said that he will take what is mine and declare it to you.”

\nJohn 16:13-15 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-07-22T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/07/22/another-mystery-explored.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/06/17/a-great-day-for-working.html", "title": "A Great Day for Working Outdoors!", "content_html": "\n
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Our son-in-law showing off a turn-of-the-century bathtub!

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Yesterday was clear and bright and sunny. While it was hot in the direct sun, there was a lovely breeze and the temperature stayed comfortably in the mid 70’s. Our WV son-in-law came and helped Mr. FixIt with some long overdue work around the house. Land’s sake…they pushed and pushed and I couldn’t believe how nice it all looked when it was done.

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They moved two of the campers and mowed under them. They ran the weed eater all around the yard. Our son-in-law climbed the old TV antenna and tore out the vines and cut off the very top part. They need more muscle to take the whole thing down. They went down to the creek and dug out the last few feet of the ditch that filled in with mud and debris from the flash flood earlier this week. They took the disk grinder and cut the old rusty swing set apart and got it out of there. Then they shoveled up and hauled about ten bags of sand and moved it to fill low spots in the yard. 

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My bonus daughter got in the pool and swept it really well. I cut up, blanched, and dehydrated a big bag of Vidalia onions, made an apple pie, grilled hot dogs for lunch and cleaned the kitchen. The house and yard are looking so nice. I still have to finish the guest bedroom. I’ve ordered fresh linens for the beds for the girls so they’ll be really comfortable while they’re here.

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I love when we have the opportunity to sit around the table and talk about things. Yesterday’s topic was timely…anxiety and faith. We all have a certain level of anxiety or worry or fear. Or, more accurately…we are humans, so we are certainly prone to that. That’s why God tells us over and over and over to not be afraid…to trust in him to be there with us through our trials…to hand over the hard stuff and let him carry it. I love when you can quote scripture to back up your point. That conversation was validation as to how God works in our lives when we ask Him in.

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The other day, I was feeling worried and anxious about something that hadn’t even happened yet, and likely wouldn’t happen in the way I feared. I took the advice of the author of a devotional I was reading at the time. “Stop. Just stop right now and walk away to a quiet place and talk to God.” That’s what I did. I went out to TOW-Wanda, turned on the AC, stretched out on the bed and tucked my favorite fuzzy blanket up under my chin. 

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Now…what was it she said to do? Ah, yes…praise God for everything He does for me. I started with that favorite blanket.

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“Thank you, God…for this comforting blanket.”

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“Thank you, God…for this soft pillow to rest my head.”

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“Thank you, God…for this safe space I can retreat to when I need to be alone with You.”

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“Thank you, God…for the soft breeze blowing and rocking the camper so gently.”

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“Thank you, God…for this wonderful husband you’ve brought me to partner my life with.”

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On and on…and after every “Thank you, God…” my anxiety and worry retreated farther and farther from me. And yesterday…I got to start that testimony with the kids and reinforce their faith…as well as my own. God doesn’t want us to live in a state of perpetual fear and stress. And these are certainly stressful times. God did not give us a spirit of fear, so if you are experiencing fear, worry, and anxiety…it is not coming from God. I cannot tell you how many times I have spoken aloud and told the enemy to get away from me…he has no dominion here. God knows our every thought. The enemy would like you to think he does, too…but he doesn’t. He cannot read your mind. So you have to speak aloud to him to make him go away. It’s really as easy as that.

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So, it was a good day…all the way around. More things accomplished. More jobs completed. More stories told. There is nothing more beautiful than family and faith. 

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And…apple pie!

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?

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“For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

\n2 Timothy 1:6-7 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-06-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/06/17/a-great-day-for-working.html", "tags": ["Faith","Love","God","Fear","Courage","Choices","Healing","Anxiety"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/28/days.html", "title": "3,000 Days", "content_html": "\n
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Grandma’s Peonies

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While Mr. FixIt busied himself fixing the door into our pole building, I headed to the farm to bring some more stuff home. I have to admit...I stretched out on Grandma’s bed for a half hour before I packed up the truck. Soaking up the atmosphere. It feels good. I really don’t have a whole lot left out there...but I don’t pack the truck too full with each load. It gives me more trips to the farm! I canceled the Dish Network account out at the farm this morning...thus ending a 23 year run with them. It will be interesting to find out how long that phone number has been in the family!

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Wisteria

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I had a little walkabout and photographed Grandma’s flowers. I think her peonies are the prettiest I’ve ever seen. The irises are lovely, and since irises need to be thinned on occasion, I’m going to bring just a few over to the Ponderosa and make a special flower bed out near my new mini-campground we’re putting in. I also have a she-shed in my future that I want to build out there as part of my little compound for gathering my girlfriends and campout. I have it pictured in my mind. Now I just need to gather old doors and wood to build it with! I have so many projects I want to complete here at the Ponderosa. I do believe, once it’s complete, it shall be renamed...what? Marshmallow Ranch, of course!

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Clematis and Carolina Spice Bush

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I got the nicest note from Frank and Beans on Wednesday night. They were on their way down to WV to work on their cabin, so when I was finished loading what I wanted to bring home yesterday, I headed up to see what’s going on. They have one of those driveways that are very common in these West Virginia hills...straight up! Well, not really...but it sure seemed that way. I jumped out of the truck to greet my newest friends and look at their place. It’s beautiful up there and they have a view that looks right out over the treetops. It reminds me of pictures taken above the canopy of a rainforest...but without the monkeys!

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Iris, foreground...Rhododendron, background

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When they had their driveway graded, the folks doing the work found a huge rock in the shape of a heart. It has special meaning to Frank, so I brought them another heart shaped rock I brought home from Colorado and gave it to them as a housewarming gift. I couldn’t stay long, but we vowed to stay in touch, and they reiterated I am welcome to stay at the farm anytime. Just sitting on the porch during a rainstorm will be a huge treat, let alone getting to stay for a day or two.

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Iris

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I stopped at the store on the way home and fixed a quick supper. We have been dining on the deck every night under the pergola. We’ve only stayed out long enough to turn the market lights on a couple of times because we’ve been so busy with projects. But I envision more late nights out there as we catch up a little. Especially when the kids are here. I’m looking forward to doing more entertaining, as well.

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Iris

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It’s supposed to rain today and the weather will turn quite cool over the next few days. The nights will be especially cool...good sleeping weather. I have discovered something very interesting. Now that I write in the spare bedroom, I am sleeping much more soundly when I get up and go to our room. Something about separating “work” from home has really improved my sleep hygiene. I sure wish TOW-Wanda was here and fixed already...I’d really enjoy sleeping out there on these cool nights. That’s what I get for procrastinating getting her to the RV Doctor!

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Multiflora Rose

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Oh, and another thing...just as a matter of course. Today marks 3,000 days since Mr. Virgo died. I never could have dreamed of this life...of experiencing joy and happiness and deep love again. I couldn’t picture myself surviving that loss, let alone coming out the other side with a beautiful and fulfilling life. I just thought I would share that with you so that...if you are bereaved...there is hope for a good life down the road. I know it’s such a hard, hard journey...but a good life is worth working for.

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?

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“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

\nJeremiah 29:11 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/28/days.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/24/a-day-of-peace.html", "title": "A Day of Peace", "content_html": "\n
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After an entire week of angst and anxiety, I sat with my bible study on “Overcoming Anxiety” and let it go...again. How many times do we have to let it go?? As many times as it takes. I’m pretty well convinced it’s not the last time, but the peace I felt yesterday was complete and it gave me such an incredible sense of relief.

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We got up early yesterday. We still aren’t attending church outside the home. We will go again...when we’re ready. My church yesterday was found at the farm. The grass isn’t growing terribly fast right now because we haven’t had any rain. But it was still time to mow out there, and I really don’t want the new people to take possession and have to get the baler out. So, we loaded the mowers up on the utility trailer and headed for the country.

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I knew there was food out there, so we elected to have breakfast once we arrived. We had eggs and fried cornmeal mush with syrup and sat on the front porch to marvel at God’s precious handiwork. Once we finished and the dishes were washed, I hopped on the riding mower while Mr. FixIt took the push mower around the edges and the ditch out front. My step-son called to say they were coming for a visit, so as soon as the mowing was done, we loaded back up and headed home.

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They had some work to do first, so I took the riding mower right off the trailer and mowed the Ponderosa. I just was finished when the kids showed up with pizza. We sat out on the deck by the pool and ate. They hadn’t seen the new carpeting yet so we went inside and talked while the guys re-hung the door Mr. FixIt painted. We had a lovely day with family and friends through texts and visits and phone calls.

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I felt so good. I know to give things to God. I KNOW. But my mind gets carried away and before I know it, I’m down a rabbit hole and we’re off to the races. The good thing is, yesterday was so blessedly peaceful that it was a tangible reminder of the peace that comes with letting go and letting God do the heavy lifting. We weren’t meant to do the heavy lifting. That’s HIS job....if only we hand over the load. I’m grateful for the sense of calm I experienced...all day long.

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?

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“Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel.”

\nPhilippians 4:6-7 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-24T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/24/a-day-of-peace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","God","Peace","Courage","Be Joyful!","Control","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/19/ask-and-ye-shall-receive.html", "title": "Ask, and Ye Shall Receive", "content_html": "\n
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The Last Morning at The Farm

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The last twenty-four hours I could say the farm was mine offered a hundred lessons. I always write at night before I go to bed, but it was afternoon when I wrote yesterday’s post. Something nudged me to get it out of the way so I could just experience the evening and enjoy the peace and quiet...uninterrupted. 

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Funny.

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I was propped up on my pillows as always, listening to the night sounds outside the window, when I noticed a humming noise. I walked all over the house to find it and it was coming from the furnace. I’ve heard it before without thinking anything of it, but this time it seemed louder...probably because I wasn’t writing and I was concentrating on sound. I went back upstairs and moved the thermostat slightly and in that moment, the power went out.

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The old house still has the screw in fuses so, using the flashlight on my phone, I went into the kitchen to get the box of fuses and took them out on the front porch where the fuse box is. I checked every fuse and none were blown so I came back in the house. A few minutes later, I heard the neighbors across the road outside, looking around with a flashlight. I called over to them and, sure enough, it wasn’t just our house...the power was out up and down the road.

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I went back inside, crawled in bed and now...it was REALLY quiet no house sounds, no reassuring hum that things are working ok...just night sounds. I had to laugh at the irony. I’m a bit of a drama queen...in all the best forms of the word. I’m a writer, so I have a certain...dramatic flair. God made sure I didn’t have any distractions that last night in the house.

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The power came back on around 4:00am and I drifted in and out of sleep till the sun hit the top of the far hill across the road. I didn’t lollygag around...I had work to do. I got up and started putting things in the truck when the auctioneer called to say he needed me out of the house to show it to potential buyers. I was packed, had breakfast, and headed for home by 9:30.

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Yesterday was our first hot day. Mr. FixIt was busy pressure washing the picnic table he bought for my first birthday together. We brought it home from the farm and it needed a good scrubbing. While he was busy with that, I started unpacking the truck and putting things away. As the day went on, I wasn’t feeling well. I had a suspicion I had one of those fairly common “ladies issues” that may need antibiotics, so when I was finished emptying the truck, I grabbed my purse and told Mr. FixIt I was running over to the quick care clinic in our little town.

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I was hot, dirty, sweating buckets, and on the way there...I had a full blown anxiety attack. My heart was pounding. I was sure I was going to have to pull over and be sick. I could hardly stand to sit in the waiting room with my mask on because I couldn’t breathe. They called me back and weighed me and I almost fell over. I’ve crossed my boundary by nearly two pounds. My head started throbbing. I thought I’d cry. The nice lady asked me to sit on the table so she could check my blood pressure. I half-jokingly told her I was sure it was high because I was really anxious at the moment. Yeah...it was 167/100. Now I really wanted to cry. I just wanted my antibiotic and go home.

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While I waited for the doctor to come in, I closed my eyes and slowed down my breathing and attempted to calm down. I knew what this was all about...I’d been working hard trying to avoid having too much time to think about things. And, grief avoided has to come out sometime. Mine chose in the truck on the way to a doctor I didn’t know.

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There was a quiet tap on the door and a tiny little woman came in...young, dark hair pulled back, concern in her eyes. She introduced herself then sat down across from me in her scrubs, crossed her legs like she was preparing to meditate, folded her hands in her lap and said...softly.

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“What’s troubling you today?”

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Oh, empathy...it opened the floodgates and I told her how hard I’d been working and how the farm is being sold even as we speak and I couldn’t buy it because I’m too old to do the kind of work it needs and it’s not mine to begin with but it’s the home of my heart and it’s just killing me to let it go.

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She handed me a wad of tissues. 

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“It sounds like it’s been really stressful. Especially because it’s all happening TO you, you know? You don’t really have any control in it, do you? You’re grieving a loss as important to you as your loved ones.” 

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I laughed and said, “Yeah, and I write about grief! I should learn to listen to my own words.”

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She smiled. “You know then...it’s hard to face grief. But, face it now, or face it later.”

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We talked for a while and it turned out I didn’t need antibiotics...I needed more fluids because I’d been working hard to avoid thinking and ended up forgetting to drink and I was pretty dehydrated. We came up with a plan that would make me feel better, and I headed home. I finally sat down in front of Mr. FixIt and unloaded and told him how upset I was. 

\n\n\n

I took a cool shower, turned on the AC, and lay down for a nap. I had a dream. I’ve never dreamed of my Aunt Peeps before. She’s the elderly aunt that I came to the farm to help in the first place. She passed away a year ago. In my dream, I was walking through the farmhouse and she popped her head around the corner in the kitchen. She was young, her hands didn’t shake. Her hair was brown and in curlers. She was wearing her signature one-piece jump suit that she always worked in. She had a skillet in one hand, a spatula in the other and she jumped in surprise.

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“Oh! It’s YOU!” Then, in her very best teacher voice, she said, “You need to just settle down, child. It’s going to be just fine!”

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With that, I woke up. I reached over and picked up the phone. 8:07pm. The auction was over. My cousin Becky texted. “Did the people you really like buy the place?”

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I was almost afraid to look. I told you about them in Sunday morning’s post, and I told you there was more to the story. The lovely couple came and I immediately had a good feeling about them. We shared stories about the old home places in our lives. I suggested they should try to buy the farm. They said they wanted to so they would have more room for family when they come for visits. I told them how very attached I am to the place and how I come there often to recharge and write. They said, “Well...this will work out great! You can come here whenever we aren’t needing the place. Just keep your key!” We talked about God and how He puts us in the right places at the right times. When we parted, I called after them...”Don’t forget...we’re going to pray on this!” He told me their names...I smiled and said, “Nah...from now on, you’re Frank & Beans! Everyone who ever came to this house when my grandma was alive got a nickname.” They laughed and said the name was actually quite appropriate.

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I finally worked up the nerve to go look to see who had the winning bid and my heart soared! I know it’s not official till papers are signed and all, but....

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Welcome to The Farm, Frank & Beans!!! I know you’re going to love it just as much as we all have!!! Now I can relax knowing “home” is not so distant from me after all and I’ve made some forever friends.

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?

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“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

\nRomans 8:28 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/19/ask-and-ye-shall-receive.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","The Farm","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/15/god-has-bigger-hands.html", "title": "God Has Bigger Hands", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

Lord, I’ve tried to keep up with everything the last few months. When I posted yesterday’s message, I was so incredibly overwhelmed with all that’s on my plate and I was at my wit’s end. So, I did what I do when the burning ends of the candle are threatening to meet in the middle. I had a conversation with God. I told him I was tired and I really needed to sleep. I said I felt like I was beating my head against a brick wall with these taxes and I just could NOT figure out what was wrong. I handed everything over to Him and said, “Can you take care of this tonight so I can rest. In the morning, you can tell me what I’m doing wrong and what I need to do to fix it.” God has bigger hands than me.

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I slept like a baby.

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Yesterday morning, I got up and was just heading into the office when the carpet dudes showed up. And, of course, they had to play music. It wasn’t objectionably loud, but I have a hard time concentrating when there’s noise and let me tell you...hammering nails down into concrete for fastening carpet is a noisy proposition. I was feeling the frustration rising when Mr. FixIt popped in, touched my shoulder, and said, “How’s it coming?” I said under my breath, “It would be a lot easier if they weren’t playing their music so loud.” He softened, his voice took on that tone of compassion he uses when he knows I’m tense, but he also knows I’m going to have to suck it up a little bit and put on my big girl panties. 

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“They need the music, baby. It helps get them through long, hard days.” 

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He know just what to say and how to say it. I saw it through their eyes and realized, laying carpet is backbreaking work. The least thing they could have is the joy music gives them while doing it. My shoulders loosened and I tuned out the tunes.

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I opened the computer and said to God, “Ok...show me what you’ve got.” I closed my eyes and thought it through. There are files on the hard drive where TurboTax saves your returns. Yes...I had started an amended return when I couldn’t figure out what was wrong, but thank goodness I listened to that still small voice and didn’t file it. I had looked for the folder before and couldn’t find it. I looked in a different folder and...eureka!!! I found the original file, opened it...and all the info I thought was missing was right there in front of me! Thank you, God!

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I have no idea why TurboTax didn’t transfer the data from the year before, but I just used the figures and it worked out fine. Well...that is, until I filed the returns online. They were rejected. Something about a PIN and my AGI. I decided to print the returns and just mail them in. Alas...no working printers. Went to town to Office Depot, bought an inexpensive printer, and voila...I printed out everything I need...including last year’s return for my records.

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Tonight I’m going to give it to God again and ask him to help me figure out what I did wrong with the e-file and see if I can try it again this morning.

\n\n\n

In the meantime...we have NEW CARPET! I sent photos to my peeps. Other than the one time I built a house (after a divorce), I’ve never had new carpet. I feel like SUCH an adult! lol It turned out so pretty. And the vinyl laminate flooring Mr. FixIt put in the entryways is perfect! He started putting things back in the room and I asked him to wait. I want to be more selective about what we put in there. I don’t want it to be too cluttery like it was before. 

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More things checked off the list!

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It was a good day.

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?

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“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

\nPhilippians 4:6-7 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-15T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/15/god-has-bigger-hands.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Wisdom","Choices","Be Joyful!","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/05/07/whispers-from-beyond.html", "title": "Whispers from Beyond", "content_html": "\n
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I got a little bit of a late start yesterday. I realized I didn’t really have anything at the farm for breakfast and I didn’t want to eat a hamburger and cottage cheese that early. So, I hopped in the truck for the short drive east. About seven miles away is a gas station/diner/tire center/convenience store. It’s saved my butt many a time when I ran out of something basic, but you wouldn’t want to actually “buy groceries” there as it’s spendy. Initially I thought I’d buy a box of cereal, or maybe some eggs, but as I got closer, I decided to go to the next biggest town where they have a real grocery store. Mr. FixIt agreed to come out and stay at the farm later, so I wanted to have real food.

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The two-lane to town...well, pretty much ANY two-lane blacktop in West Virginia...is twisty and turny as it climbs up and over the hills. And, this particular road goes right by the cemetery where my family is buried. I waved on my way past and called out the open window, “I’ll stop on the way back!” I love a country grocery store. You see things you might not find in a big city. And there are definitely colloquial items you can’t find anywhere else. Mr. Virgo LOVED scrapple. If you don’t know what that is, let me tell you...you either love it or you loathe it. I happen to be in the second category but, ohhhhh...that man did love scrapple. 

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When I asked Siri to tell me what scrapple was she led me to this definition:

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“Scrapple - American pork offal mush. Scrapple, also known by the Pennsylvania Dutch name Pannhaas or “pan rabbit”, is traditionally a mush of pork scraps and trimmings combined with cornmeal and wheat flour, often buckwheat flour, and spices. (Sounds yummy!) The mush (ugh...can you say onomatopoeia?) is formed into a semi-solid congealed (it just keeps getting better and better, right?) loaf and slices of the scrapple are then pan-fried before serving. Scraps of meat left over from butchering, not used or sold elsewhere, were made into scrapple to avoid waste.”

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Just an FYI...The definition of offal: “the entrails and internal organs of an animal used as food. Refuse or waste material. Decomposing animal flesh.” 

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Yeahhhhh....NOPE! Not this girl! However...you do weird things for handsome men and frying this stuff up in my good pans was one of those things I did for that South Philly boy. This was a very long way of saying...they sell scrapple in Tiny Town, USA. I reached for the mush instead. A tasty alternative made from cornmeal, water, salt, sugar, butter, and maybe some bits of crispy bacon added. Essentially it’s the same as polenta, but you slice it and fry it and serve it with syrup drizzled over it. Yummmmm....and no leftover pig innards!

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I finished my shopping and on a whim, stopped at Berdine’s Five and Dime for a small bag of their chocolate covered peanuts. They are SO divine! Then, I drove to the cemetery. I had to park down at the main road because the last time I went in there when it was wet, I nearly slid off the road and down the hill onto a row of headstones. The day was crisp, the sun was shining, and a slight breeze blew my too long bangs away from my face.

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When I got to Grandma’s grave, I knelt down and started talking to her about the farm. I told her it was being sold and how terribly sad I was. I told her if I was younger, I’d buy it myself, but there are so many things wrong with it, it would just turn into a money pit. I apologized, and...much to my surprise, I burst into tears. Snotty, can’t-catch-your-breath, sad-country-song tears. I felt horrible...like I was abandoning my grandma herself. 

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When I finally regained my composure, I got up and moved over to Mom’s headstone. It’s low and slightly inclined, but high enough to sit on. I talked to them...these wonderful people who made me and raised me and taught me right from wrong.

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“Just tell me what you want me to do! If you want me to buy the farm, well...I’ll find a way to make it work. If you don’t, then tell me how to walk away from this. It’s breaking my heart!”

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I sat very still and listened to the wind in the trees around me, the birds calling from the woods, the bees buzzing around some flowers on a nearby grave.

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Suddenly...my heart got very light...like a weight had been lifted off me. And, I could almost hear my grandma’s voice.

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“The gift is not in the farm, pet. The gift is in the STORY.”

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That’s it! That’s the golden nugget...the prize...the revelation! I can walk away. Because “The Farm” has given me everything it can, don’t you see? I walked back to the truck singing...

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“Farther along, we’ll know all about it. Farther along, we’ll understand why? Cheer up, my brother...live in the sunshine. We’ll understand it, all by and by.”

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When I got back, I put away the groceries and straightened up the living room. I knew my sweetheart would be here later in the evening and he’d want to watch TV, so I hooked it back up for him. I turned it on to make sure I had it connected correctly and the Drew Barrymore Show was on. Drew was getting a tattoo right there on the show. When they asked what she was having done, she said, “It’s a phrase I’ve been saying to myself a lot the last year.”

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‘Home is where you are.’

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Isn’t that the truth?

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?

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

\nProverbs 3:5-6 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-05-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/05/07/whispers-from-beyond.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/28/hiding-in-plain-sight.html", "title": "Hiding in Plain Sight", "content_html": "\n
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Mr. FixIt got an early start on the tractor yesterday. I could see him on the security camera, sitting in the driveway, threading the new drive belt on the mower deck. I jumped up, grabbed my coffee, and headed out to join him. He got the mower deck on and running, but the new belt slipped off twice and it really shouldn’t do that. I took the push mower into the fenced area of the back yard around the pool and started mowing. It was rapidly heading to 80 degrees by the time I was half finished. 

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After a quick rehydration break, and checking to see if Mr. FixIt needed any help, I made quick work of the yard and checked back in with him. He ordered a different belt from the tractor company, but I talked him into heading out to the farm with me to mow before the rain starts today. I left before him so I could be first in the driveway, because I’ve decided to stay at the farm for a few days and get some sorting and packing done.

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This was the first time I was going to see the farm after my cousin came and took a lot of their things...grandma’s dining room table, the old buffet, the oak secretary from the living room. I knew it would look so different when I went in, and I prepared myself for an emotional homecoming.

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As I drove through the backroads, my eye was continually drawn to the hillsides around me. There, standing like misty clouds of white in the shadows of the tall, leafless trees stood countless dogwoods in full bloom. I’ve lived in the country here for several years now, and I cannot remember seeing SO many dogwoods. They made me smile.

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It occurred to me...so many beautiful things in this life live in the shadows. Here are these huge poplar, sycamore, hickory, and all manner of deciduous trees that will soon be fully leafed out in all their glory...showing off, bending in the breeze, their fresh spring green foliage shimmering in the sun. For now, they are still mere buds on bare grey limbs. But there, underneath them...the dogwoods are dressed in their lacy dresses, floating Ike dancers on a stage for all the world to see if they just look.

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As I am wont to do, I looked for what God was trying to tell me as I drove the familiar route to the home of my heart and it didn’t take long to make the connection. It was God who brought me here in the first place. He knew my heart was broken from losing Mr. Virgo. He knew my servant’s heart wanted to help my elderly aunt. He knew we were both stubborn, cantankerous women...oil and water. He knew there would be a parting of the ways. And...He knew my destiny was to cross paths with Mr. FixIt.

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My life was so tenuous when I came here. I practically had nothing more than what I could carry, and TOW-Wanda. I didn’t have a long range plan because I couldn’t see a life for me after losing my husband. I felt my children were older and didn’t really need their mom and my grands were busy with school and friends. And to be honest? I didn’t think I could possible live much longer anyway because my heart was broken...as was my spirit.

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God knew just what He was doing when He brought me here. I had the opportunity to come off the road and live on this hallowed ground where my grandparents lived. This was my healing place. This was where I danced among the tall trees...tenuously taking steps out onto the stage in my lacy dress. Just like the sweet dogwoods on the hills that surround me as I write this.

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We often are overshadowed in life by the bigger things, the brighter people, the seemingly more important stuff. We hide in plain sight until it is our time to shine. Will I be sad when the farm sells? Of course...there will be a part of me that will always ache for THIS home. But, it won’t break me. God gave me seven whole years to call this place home. It is my touchstone to the past and these years have been such a tremendous gift to me. I did a lot of healing here. My sweetheart came to court me here. We sat many times on the front porch in the quiet evenings and listened to the night sounds...the heady aroma of the woods washing over us. You can’t buy that kind of love. This is GOD love, this farm. That will ALWAYS be mine because God poured that all over me and into me...every moment I’ve been here.

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From now till the day I die, whenever I see dogwood trees blooming among the naked trees, I will remember this sunny, perfect April day and the many blessings God gave me on this little patch of ground.

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?

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“Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.””

\nGenesis 28:15 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-28T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/28/hiding-in-plain-sight.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","The Farm","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/17/in-a-matter-of-moments.html", "title": "In a Matter of Moments", "content_html": "\n
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Whenever we head out on a long road trip, I am always careful to ask God for travel mercies and you all are always so good about praying for us, too. I wanted to let you know how well those prayers worked.

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We left home about 9:15 yesterday morning and took the cat to the Kitty Hilton. We stopped for a breakfast sandwich and complained that the line was so long. But, we stuck it out, got our meal, and I almost pulled out of the parking lot to eat on the road. Instead, I thought better of it and we pulled into a parking space to enjoy breakfast.

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We got on the road just a couple of minutes before 10:00 and headed south on the interstate. We came around a turn and I could see something white lying over on the tree line. I immediately slowed down. Two cars had just pulled over and put their flashers on. There was a man walking near what we found was a semi tractor trailer laying on its side. The trailer was ripped open and a white “mist” was rising from the opening. I looked back at the road and saw dirt and grass from the median where the truck dragged it across both lanes. 

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There were NO tire tracks through the dirt!

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That meant, the truck had literally crossed our path minutes before we came through there. It turns out, the load in the trailer was some sort of hazardous substance that can cause difficulties breathing if exposed to it. If we hadn’t waited in the line and taken a few moments to eat before driving...it could have been disastrous. I keep a cross hanging from the rear view mirror of my truck. I immediately reached up, grabbed that cross, and thanked God for keep us all safe.

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There are so many petty annoyances we go through every day and we may grouse and grump about them incessantly. But, it’s very important to remember...sometimes that delay was to keep you from being hurt....or from hurting someone else. A little gratitude goes a long way...even when things aren’t working out just as you planned!

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???

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“He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only look with your eyes and see the recompense of the wicked. Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place— the Most High, who is my refuge — no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the adder; the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot. “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.””

\nPsalm 91:1-16 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-17T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/17/in-a-matter-of-moments.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/07/prayers-and-miracles-and-grace.html", "title": "Prayers and Miracles and Grace", "content_html": "\n
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I’ve been posting the Sunday Evening Prayer Circle for a few years now. I love that we can come together and pray for each other and lift those in need. Prayer is so powerful and helps everyone involved...pray-er and pray-ee. I also post from time to time when there is urgent prayer needed and I appreciate every single one of you that take the time to pray with me.

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We don’t always get an update on these prayer requests and today I wanted to share a couple with you.

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A few weeks ago, I asked for prayers for my friend Janine’s niece, Lauren. She had a brain bleed the day before her due date. After the subsequent surgery, she had a massive brain stem stroke that left her with “locked in syndrome.” This is where the patient has full mental faculties, but their body is totally paralyzed. She knows what’s going on, but can’t speak or move. Lauren was moved to a specialty rehabilitation hospital in Chicago when she stabilized. After intense therapies, she can now nod her head up and down, her vocal cords are waking up, and she can moved her left foot a little. This is HUGE, considering the prognosis and the family covets your continued prayers as Lauren works hard to come back to her husband and little baby girl.

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Monday evening, I posted an urgent prayer request for my dear friend Sharon’s grandson Kyle. He was in a car accident where both vehicles rolled. Fortunately, Kyle and his friend were wearing seatbelts. His friend was able to scramble out of the car, but Kyle was stuck and unconscious. He was life-flighted to National Children’s Hospital in Columbus. He had severe lacerations to his scalp and was sedated and intubated in ICU. He drifted in and out of consciousness, and finally came around enough that the breathing tubes could be removed. He remained in ICU so they could monitor his brain function. Then, yesterday morning, Kyle was sitting up, wide awake in a recliner. No broken bones, no internal injuries, no brain damage! He was discharged home by last evening.

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You cannot tell me that God isn’t still in the miracle business. There was every reason to believe either one of these cases could have ended very differently. I know the families of both of these young people, and I know God will use these difficult times for His Glory. I just wanted to take a moment and let you know how your prayers have helped people in real time. 

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Thank you so much for being here and always being ready to lift up those in need!

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?

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“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.”

\nMark 11:24 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/07/prayers-and-miracles-and-grace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/04/05/a-season-of-hope.html", "title": "A Season of Hope", "content_html": "\n
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Easter always makes me think of hope. The darkness and fear of the Friday before gave way to glorious joy on the day of resurrection and it reminds me there is always hope. No matter how dark things get. I lived a Jewish life for twenty-seven years. My favorite Jewish holiday has always been Passover. Not only is the food amazing, but the story is so filled with hope.

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Passover celebrates the exodus of the Jews from Egypt where they were enslaved. Moses led them away through a parted sea into the desert where they wandered aimlessly for forty years. FORTY YEARS! How can that be a hopeful story? For me...hope comes as they stand on the dry sea bed. They are no longer slaves...they are rushing headlong toward the freedom they have so desperately begged God for. But yet, they aren’t quite through. There are walls of water to either side that could come crashing down on them at any moment. It was through the hope of freedom and faith in God that they were able to forge onward.

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Can you imagine? Taking a moment...just glancing from side to side at those walls of water? Marveling at the dry ground beneath their feet? Perhaps catching glimpses of the fishes looking all the world like an aquarium? What magic that must have been! They hurried forward with great anticipation, only to find themselves meandering through the desert with no comforts or meat or anything else they were accustomed to. They felt their lives were better when they were slaves. At least they knew where their next meal was coming from. Then God brought them manna and they got bored with that pretty quick.

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It was Moses that held the space for their hope. He knew what was coming, and he knew he couldn’t make them see that it was only a matter of time till they would be truly free. Sometimes that happens in our own lives. We see progress...forward motion...only to be met with obstacles that feel insurmountable. There is always someone holding our hope for us...a loved one, perhaps. A dear friend. The one person who will always hold our hope is Jesus. He has our backs at every turn, no matter what.

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We enjoyed our Easter Sunday. We worshiped together at home. We thanked God for the many blessings He has given us...especially His son. We spoke to family. We thanked God for their good health. We enjoyed the warmth outside and the sunshine and flowers and birds. We thanked God for his creation. We cooked a really great pot roast and thanked God for His amazing provision in our lives. It was a really good day that filled me with hope. 

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?

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“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

\nJeremiah 29:11 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-04-05T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/04/05/a-season-of-hope.html", "tags": ["Hope","God","Peace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/12/day-i-shoulda-known-better.html", "title": "Day 333: I Shoulda Known Better", "content_html": "\n
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Winter Creek
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One would think, after all I know about trauma and grief and PTSD, that I would know better than to watch the unfolding of the impeachment proceedings. I’m not going to get into a discussion of who is right and who is wrong. This is my page, so I have the right not to get involved in the political aspects of all of this. But, from a purely human standpoint, watching it all over again has been brutal.

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The Hedgerow
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Why did I watch? Good question. My best answer is, I’m an American citizen and when something of such import occurs, I feel it is my responsibility to know what’s happening. I was interested in seeing the exact timeline...which was well documented. And there were visual graphs that brought that information into clearer focus that I don’t think any of us were quite aware of before...especially those involved.

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Mysterious Hole in the Snow...No Footprints...No Nothing...Just a Hole!
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I made it through to about 1:30 yesterday afternoon then I became, quite literally, physically ill. It’s a combination of things, really. The wrong thing for breakfast. Coffee has suddenly started bothering me. And, unexplained stomach upset is one of the symptoms of hyperparathyroidism that I struggle with. Of course, one can only brush up against the triggers of PTSD so often without going over the edge and unfortunately, I pushed my boundary too far. It will take some work to re-compartmentalize that information, but it’ll come. And hopefully my upcoming surgery will take care of this particularly bothersome side effect of this disease.

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Abandoned Nest in a Cedar Tree
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In the meantime, I’m working on a few writing assignments and that is always a healthy distraction. I worked a little on the genealogy yesterday, but really...I just needed a break from the noise and the chaos, the TV and the screens, and just go outside and walk in the snow. We had quite a winter storm Wednesday night and it left us with about four inches of the white stuff. Mr. FixIt went out with his new snowblower and cleared the sidewalks once the snow stopped. He does like that and it’s good for him to have something to do.

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Buckthorn Berries in the Snow
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A walk in the snow did wonders for my disposition. Meandering along the half-frozen creek, listening to the sounds of winter birds chattering low in the hedgerow. The low riffle of water as it trickles across stones worn smooth by the ever present flow. Feeling the collapse of earth beneath my feet where the moles and voles are busy living their lives underground...creating soft tunnels you can trace by the slight mounds in the snow. Seeing the snow covered nests of the summer birds, long gone south for the winter, waiting patiently for the spring thaw and their joyous return. The snow around the feeders marked heavily with little four-pronged footprints of the dozens of visitors...enjoying the abundance of our feeders. The bright scarlet and vivid blues of the cardinals and jays as they swoop in from the brush and trees that surround our property. Trees that reach naked arms to the leaden February sky. I breathe the cold air deep into my lungs with a hunger I forget I have. This long, quiet darkness of winter can wear thin in these days before the spring thaw. But they force me to find the hand of God as he leads me beside these still waters...and restores my soul.

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?

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“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

\nPhilippians 4:6-7 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/12/day-i-shoulda-known-better.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Fear","Peaceful Moments","Farm Life","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/09/day-god-is-listeningall-the.html", "title": "Day 330: God is Listening...All the Time", "content_html": "\n
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Yesterday was a busy day, and one that reminds me of the power of prayer. First, I had to run into town to get my eyes tested. I have the very beginnings of cataracts...who doesn’t at this age, right? And, my prescription didn’t change but just the tiniest bit. Not enough to warrant buying new glasses, but I did order a pair of prescription bifocal sunglasses. I haven’t had a pair for ages. The last ones I had got ruined when I sprayed insect repellent or sunscreen or something on and it got on the lenses. It took the coating off and there was no way to fix them. And they were really expensive. Mr. FixIt buys his glasses from Zenni Optical online. You have to explain to your optometrist that you’re on a fixed budget and you need to have them give you your prescription and measure the pupil distance. Then you can order online and it’s a lot cheaper.

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I got home in time for a Zoom interview for my friend, Joe Webb’s podcast. Joe is a Methodist Minister and leads a very interesting ministry. I used to attend on Sunday nights at the brew pub up in Marietta, Ohio. Then they went totally online after the pandemic hit. The folks love the online format so much, they’ve elected to keep it on Zoom which opens a lot of avenues. The group has gotten larger and has spread over a much larger geographical area. I spoke to his group a couple of times over the years, but it’s been quite a while since we’ve had a chance to catch up. It will go live on 3/5 and I will leave a link for you when it’s up.

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I no sooner closed my iPad from the Zoom interview when my friend Janine called with an update on her niece. She is the one I asked for urgent prayers for Sunday night. She did have an aneurysm with a brain bleed. They did surgery to relieve the pressure, but it was too involved to fix. They needed to do a C-Section to get the baby delivered healthy first. The baby is fine and will go home with grandma and grandpa tomorrow. At 3:00 yesterday morning, Lauren had to be rushed back into the OR to relieve the pressure again, but this time, they didn’t feel she was strong enough to go through the prolonged surgery so it was put off again. 

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After people all over the world came together urgently and prayed for Lauren and she was back in ICU, her husband went in to see her yesterday morning and...she opened her eyes, talked to him, and has NO PARALYSIS! That right there is an absolute miracle, my friends. I could hardly wait to share the news with you. She still needs to have the surgery to correct the aneurysm itself, but she has come so far! Please continue to keep Lauren, and Josh, and baby, and the family in your prayers.

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?

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““Unless you people see signs and wonders,” Jesus told him, “you will never believe.””

\nJohn 4:48 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-09T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/09/day-god-is-listeningall-the.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/06/day-this-is-the-night.html", "title": "Day 327: This is the Night the Lord Hath Made", "content_html": "\n
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The last few days, we’ve been talking about feeling stretched thin, feeling frayed and frazzled, overwhelmed with the nature of the world we find ourselves currently living in. Changes have been thrust upon us and not all of us accommodate as easily as others. I am sure we would be hard pressed to find someone who has not been affected in some negative way by the events of the last year. 

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I always put my money where my mouth is, so I looked up some of the links in yesterday’s post. I read about combatting stress and weathering this particular storm. Then I did what I always do...I went to my inner sanctuary...my quiet space of meditation where I commune with God on a personal level. This is where we sit together...sometimes in quiet companionable silence...sometime in vibrant, dynamic discourse. 

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These sessions all start out the same way. I get quiet. I find that stillness between my breath and my heart beat, and reach my mind out to God. He knows what I want...what I need. Far better than I. So, I find it quicker and easier to get to the point by just shutting up and listening to the lesson of the day.

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As I sat there, eyes closed, breathing slow and deep, I became acutely aware of my body’s aches and pains. I felt the tension I hold between my shoulder blades...what my masseuse in Colorado referred to as my “trying too hard” spots. I felt bone weary...as though I’d run a marathon. Thoughts flitted by. “Why can’t I sleep better???” “When is this going to get easier???” “Why don’t I know how to do this by now???”

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Within that space...a thought formed.

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“This is the night the Lord hath made! Let us rejoice and be glad in it!!!”

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“No” I said. “You mean this is the DAY you have made!”

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“No...I mean this is the night. The day has two parts....I divided it in half. Part for work, part for rest.”

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“But, I can’t sleep! I have never been able to sleep well...you know that.”

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“Ahhhhh, yes....I do. But, you’ve never celebrated my gift of the night. You dread it. You are afraid of the nightmares you might have. Or the anxiety that might come. Or the hours you might have to lay there...staring at the ceiling.”

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“I want to sleep. I try! I really do.”

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“Then stop TRYING. And celebrate the hours I gave you for resting.”

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Novel concept. I closed my eyes. I felt my face against the pillowcase. I wrapped up in my soft, fuzzy blanket and touched it to my lips. I repeated over and over in my mind. 

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“This is the night the Lord hath made. This is the night the Lord hath made. This is the night the Lord hath made.”

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And I woke up at 11:30 yesterday morning! Good night, nurse!!! I haven’t slept like that in....I can’t remember how long. I jumped up and went into the family room.

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“Hey there, sleepyhead. How you doing?”

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“What day is this?”

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Mr. FixIt laughed. “Friday. I thought you must be tired so I let you sleep.”

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Honestly? I felt like a new person. We got ready and went to town for a couple things. I started making arrangements for the trip to Florida next month. And I feel like a million bucks! I feel like I had a vacation. It was a remarkable different.

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God gives us the days to do our deeds. But he gives us the gift of the night as our time to celebrate hours of sweet rest and slumber. I plan to approach every night in that same way...delicious anticipation of dreamless sleep...awakening refreshed and at peace. Doesn’t that sound lovely?

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?

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“This day belongs to the Lord! Let's celebrate and be glad today.”

\nPsalms 118:24 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-02-06T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/02/06/day-this-is-the-night.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Gratitude","Comfort","God","Choices","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/02/05/day-feeling-a-little-frayed.html", "title": "Day 326: Feeling a Little Frayed, Are We?", "content_html": "\n
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I chat every night with one of the dearest people in my life. Sue always has a supportive word, a kind thought, a golden nugget of wisdom to share with me. I didn’t grow up with a sister. One of my lifelong friends is my baby sister. Sue is the older sister I didn’t get to have and I love her dearly. I’ve been sharing with her of late....a bone weariness of the things that have been thrown at us for far too long. 

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I’ve gone through the grief of losing a spouse. I’ve gone through severe clinical depression and near death. I’ve gone through huge life changes that were cringeworthy in their own right. Now, I’m in a boat with a whole bunch of people...and we’re kinda hanging by a thread. Oh, we’re ok. We’re gonna make it through. We’re old enough and experienced enough to know...this too shall pass. But, man.....that constant surge of adrenalin and cortisol is getting pretty old.

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Everyone handles stress in their own way. We all have different coping mechanisms. Some of us have more tools in our toolbox, simply because we’ve been through therapy to get us through crises. And, some of us have been blessed to have had a relatively easy life without huge upheaval. Getting out for a drive in the sunshine the other day was wonderful. Connecting with supportive friends is helpful. Having someone with me to share the day to day is a true blessing and it’s not lost on me how different things could have been if this would have happened say...six or seven years ago.

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I have dear friends who are actively grieving tragic losses. To have to do that and cope with pandemic burnout seems unusually cruel and inhumane. One thing that has been giving me rays of hope is watching the “Christmas Covid Crush” begin to subside and the number of vaccinations going up. Slowly...ever so slowly. Nothing ever happens as fast as we would like it to, does it?

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I find when I am at the end of my rope, there is decidedly less of the “ME” I need to get me through whatever I am facing. And I’ve faced enough crises to know...when there’s less “ME”, there’d better be more GOD because the alternative is a big black hole of despair. Oh, wouldn’t it be nice if God plucked us off the end there and set us down gently into a field of clover...by a nice stream, perhaps? But....noooooo...God ties a knot in that rope and helps me to hang on. He has the power to “fix things” for me. But, if He did that...what would I need HIM for? What would I learn from the experience?

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Sue sends me articles from time to time. I found this one about “Hitting the Pandemic Wall” to be helpful so I thought I would share it with you today. There are some good ideas and links that you may use. But, I also thought I would ask you some questions.  

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What are you doing in your daily life to keep from feeling overwhelmed? Have any past experiences helped give you skills you can use during this crisis? I know it can’t just be me that’s feeling a little...strained.

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In other words....really...

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How are YOU doing?

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?

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““You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.”

\nMatthew 5:3 MSG\n
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After Mr. Virgo died, I had several instances that could only be explained as supernatural. The first occurred just three days after he died. I was walking out of the bedroom to go get coffee with my daughters when I “felt” his hands on my shoulders and “heard” him say “Shut the d*** window!” He was a stickler for security. The next incident was when I was in Denver visiting the kids and my security alarm at the house kept going off...on the inside motion alarm. I could see on the camera there was no one there, but it went off multiple times and the police would come out to check. Finally, I stood in the living room and told Mr. Virgo out loud...”You need to stop messing with the alarm now. It’s involving other people and scaring me!” It never went off again. The most remarkable was when I was in my therapist’s office and the music started playing.

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You can read that story HERE.  

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The other day, I saw something remarkable posted by a longtime friend. They lost their son a couple of years ago in a tragic accident. The other day, she was sitting in her chair when her phone chimed. She looked down and it said her husband was sending her a photo via Air Drop from his phone. Now, her husband was not only NOT holding his phone...it was in the charger. But, more importantly, he had no idea how to Air Drop a photo. She accepted the download request, and it was a picture of the signature page of a bible her son had been given as a teenager. There was her son’s own handwriting in a photo her husband didn’t even know was on his phone.

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These are remarkable events. Some will say coincidences, but to those who receive such a precious gift...we know this is a gift from God. A way to show us He cares about our pain and loss. At least, that’s the way I believe. We all need to hear good news, uplifting stories, messages of hope. No matter how hard things get, we can always find something good to lift us up.

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I hope you find something today that lifts your spirit.

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?

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“What can we say about all this? If God is on our side, can anyone be against us? God did not keep back his own Son, but he gave him for us. If God did this, won't he freely give us everything else?”

\nRomans 8:31-32 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/13/day-out-of-thin-air.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/12/day-the-birds-of-the.html", "title": "Day 302: The Birds of the Air", "content_html": "\n
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It’s been a long time since we had a really deep down, heart-to-heart chat. It’s been a long time since I needed to process some really difficult things and deal with the resultant side effects. I’m NOT going to dive into politics here...and I don’t want to stir up a political maelstrom. If that starts up, I’ll just delete the unhelpful comments. This isn’t about politics. This is about pain.

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I have PTSD. It’s one of those awful things you sometimes get when you face a particularly painful trauma, and I got it from watching Mr. Virgo have his heart attack and the ensuing resuscitation. It went on for what seemed like hours. I was left with flashbacks and debilitating anxiety. EMDR went a long way toward easing that pain. And, it’s been a long time since I’ve experienced the effects.

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After the events of last week at our Nation’s Capitol, I was surprised I wasn’t feeling worse than I was. I seemed to be handling things pretty well and went on about my business. I now realize what I had done was to compartmentalize my feelings. I kinda packed them up in a neat and tidy box labeled “Bad Things” and pushed it aside. That doesn’t mean I didn’t FEEL things. I just dampened them down and moved them aside.

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Over the weekend I started getting a splitting headache and my body hurt everywhere. I was afraid I was getting sick, but this felt more familiar. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I had an experience a few years ago where I came into close contact with someone I believe to be dabbling in dark things. My relationship with God has been so strong since Mr. Virgo died, that I seem to have this radar that goes off when I’m around darkness. I not only feel that crawly sensation on my skin, but I literally get sick to my stomach. I believe that is a spiritual attack and I am very careful to stay away from such things. 

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A Facebook “friend” writes posts from time to time about church and on the surface, it’s very upbeat. On closer inspection, there seems to be something off. A little too “Stepford Wife” or something. Yesterday, there was a post with a rather surprising photo that maybe could have been read a couple of different ways. I went in to read the comments for an indication as to which direction this was leading. Someone posted a comment with a video. I had seen this video the day before with a comment saying someone from West Virginia had posted it.

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I totally expected to open the video and hear something Biblical and I can guarantee you....it was NOT. It was vile and I won’t go into further detail and I certainly won’t share it here. I had that immediate creepy crawly dark sensation on my skin and ran to the bathroom to throw up. I was sick for over two hours. I climbed in bed and read my bible for a while. That always comforts me and reminds me, God always wins in the end.

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I felt much better afterwards. The headache is all but gone, as is the creepy crawly feeling. The enemy vanquished back. The verse I read was Luke 12:22-26...where we are told God takes care of the birds and we are so much more important than any birds. When I sat down to write my post last night, the first thing I saw on Facebook was this picture of my cousin Mike, cradling a female cardinal in his hands. It had managed to get into their screened porch, so he gently picked it up to take it outside. We call him “The Bird Whisperer”. I loved this little God wink...a cardinal coming to remind me how important we are to God and we have no need to worry if we remain close to his side.

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These are dark and trying times. I’ve been carefully winnowing my friends list on Facebook again. Not to weed out those whose political beliefs don’t mesh with mine. I welcome respectful repartee. But I don’t respect violence in any “way, shape, form or fashion”, as Governor Justice says.

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Today is a brand new day and no matter what comes my way, I know...I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me. 

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???

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“Jesus said to his disciples: I tell you not to worry about your life! Don't worry about having something to eat or wear. Life is more than food or clothing. Look at the crows! They don't plant or harvest, and they don't have storehouses or barns. But God takes care of them. You are much more important than any birds. Can worry make you live longer? If you don't have power over small things, why worry about everything else?”

\nLuke 12:22-26 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/12/day-the-birds-of-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2021/01/02/day-finding-hope-among-the.html", "title": "Day 292: Finding Hope Among the Stars", "content_html": "\n
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I’m in the hope business. My glass is always full...even when it doesn’t look that way. It may only have a drop of water left, but the rest is filled with air. Even though you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t important. Most unseen things are. Being hopeful in difficult circumstances can be challenging, but it’s infinitely easier if you remember your glass is filled with lots of unseen things....love, faith, and that sometimes elusive yet forever ubiquitous element of life called HOPE.

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Just as we turn away from what may be one of the most challenging years any of us will ever experience, we turn towards an entirely new year with a little less confidence. After all, last New Year’s Eve, the only pressing matter of the coming New Year was what was looking to become a contentious election season. Oh, little did we know what we had in store for us when we blithely watched the calendar flip over to 2020. It’s hard to trust 2021, isn’t it?

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For good reason. We knew the transition was going to be difficult, but most of us...myself included...never dreamed we’d be here at this point and still wondering. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. This isn’t how its ever gone in my lifetime. I’d love to experience a little normalcy. We didn’t know there was going to be a pandemic that would rage out of control. We didn’t know 2020 would be the year of social unrest that it was. It would be one thing if everything was settled and packaged up and resolved, but it’s not. There’s a LOT of work to be done before we ever get to that true sense of peace, I think.

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That doesn’t mean we are without hope. There are more people trying to raise people up than those trying to break them down, I think. We just hear about the bad stuff more often because it sells. There are good people out there doing good work and making positive changes in our world. But, even more importantly, the things of this earth are finite and will eventually fall away. God has the entire universe in the palm of his hand and only He knows the Master Plan because He wrote it.

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As I wandered around the internet last night, I was looking for hopeful things. Sesame Street has created Rohingya Muppets to help children cope with the unthinkable horrors of the world’s largest refugee camp in Bangladesh. UPS Drivers are being celebrated and thanked for never giving up through the holiday rush. The vaccines are coming to a site near you and we can get on board and get this thing over with. The first meteor shower of 2021 is this weekend.

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We can always look up for hope. When I was going through a difficult divorce, I built my very first house I ever lived in alone. It was exactly as I wanted it...light and airy with lots of florals and stripes. I was surrounded by my antiques and family treasures. And I had a hot tub out back. On the darkest, coldest nights of the year, I would turn off all the lights, quietly step out the back door, hang my robe on the hook and slip into the hot and steamy water. I live away from town and the night sky was magnificent. I remember leaning back in the hot water and staring up at the billions of stars. 

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The constellation Orion always caught my eye with the three stars representing his belt. Orion was always there...looking over me and my house from his celestial perch in the late autumn and winter skies. As I was searching for an image to go with this post, I stumbled upon the lates images from NASA as they created a composite image of the Orion Nebula as seen by the Hubble Telescope and the Spitzer Space Telescope. I think they saved the best for the last of 2020...as if to say “Here, I know it’s been hard. But let’s look forward with new hope.” 

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Because...that same power that blew this cosmic fairy dust across the universe blew life into our souls. I’ll never look at Orion’s Belt the same again. Remember...it is often the unseen things that have the strongest power and give us the greatest hope.

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?

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“The heavens keep telling the wonders of God, and the skies declare what he has done. Each day informs the following day; each night announces to the next. They don't speak a word, and there is never the sound of a voice. Yet their message reaches all the earth, and it travels around the world. In the heavens a tent is set up for the sun. It rises like a bridegroom and gets ready like a hero eager to run a race. It travels all the way across the sky. Nothing hides from its heat.”

\nPsalms 19:1-6 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2021-01-02T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2021/01/02/day-finding-hope-among-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/10/29/day-life-is-all-about.html", "title": "Day 230: “Life Is All About What You Give”", "content_html": "\n
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I usually have a good idea of what I want to talk about in my daily posts when I sit down to write at night. However, sometimes I sit and sit and sit some more without coming up with a clear plan. That’s when I know there’s no beating around the bush...I need to take it to God in prayer and ask Him what HE wants me to write about. Such was the case last night.

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Oh, sure...I could tell you about the hour and a half we sat on the customer service phone call with the power company. Or, our quick trip to town to pick up our new recliners...which are beautiful and SO comfortable, by the way. Or, how hard it was to put the backs back on once we got them in the house. (Mr. FixIt said the lock goes down...I said up. I won’t tell you who won! Or, I could tell you how we decadently took the rest of the day off and sat in said comfy chairs watching our recording of The Voice. Nope, that isn’t what He wanted me to write about. He wanted me to talk about giving.

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In my prayers, I was nudged to read a devotional that I finished a couple of months ago because it’s as timely...if not more so...now as it was before. It’s called “Unoffendable” by Ryan Leak. This is a ten-day devotional that helps you to see how culpable we all are in this age of offense. The bottom line of the whole thing is simple...“Life Is All About What You Give”. This brings up a complicated point.

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“We are what we eat.”

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Now, that doesn’t mean we are a cow or a head of cauliflower. It means we put out what we take in. If we take in ugliness and hatred, we are much more likely to put that back out into the world. When we do that, we offend others who disagree with us, and vice versa. When we feed ourselves with “good food” we are much more likely to express goodness to others. And isn’t that what we want more of in the world?

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We have no control over others...we only have control of our reactions to them. I am getting much better at saying, “I don’t find that kind of talk to be helpful.” I’m better at removing myself from situations. And, I am really working on not engaging when I feel “offended”. What I “give” is much more important. 

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I try to be a cheerleader in these times of unrest. I’m only human...I make mistakes...but I surely try. Let’s try to give out as much goodness as we can in the coming days and weeks. Because, soon....there are going to be a lot of unhappy people, one way or another. Let’s try to be more like Jesus and love others as we love ourselves...as He loves us.

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❤️

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“You cannot fool God, so don't make a fool of yourself! You will harvest what you plant.”

\nGalatians 6:7 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-10-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/10/29/day-life-is-all-about.html", "tags": ["Love","God","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/10/27/day-we-love-who-we.html", "title": "Day 228: We Love Who We Love", "content_html": "\n
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In fourth grade, she sat in the car and cried.

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“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

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“I can’t tell you.”

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“Why not?”

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“Because...you’ll hate me!”

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“No, sweetie...there’s nothing in the world that would make me hate you! Tell Mama what’s wrong.”

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“I like to look at pretty girls.”

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There it was. The fork in the road. I wasn’t necessarily surprised. She was always a butterfly dancing in the wind. There was great sadness she tried to hide. I didn’t always understand her creativity, her mood, her fierce intellect. She was simultaneously immensely brave and terribly fearful. She could read at the tender age of seventeen months. And when she walked into a room full of people, she could FEEL all their feelings. When she took tests in school, her brain felt like 100 television sets were broadcasting different channels and her job was to pick which one had the right answers. 

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My baby girl. The one I waited so long to have. My last child.

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She was an exceptionally beautiful baby. Strangers would cross the street just to stand near us and look in her eyes and smile. She was what is commonly referred to as an “old soul”. She was incredibly sensitive.

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When she was in sixth grade, she cried on the steps of the school instead of joining in the class dance. In high school, I held her when she cried at the injustice of being called a “stupid effing Jew”. In adolescence, she struggled mightily. In college, they diagnosed her learning disability and she received accommodations. Things finally became a little easier for her. The room full of TV’s reduced to just five.

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She thought she needed to be something she wasn’t in order to receive the approval of others. Maybe I wasn’t openly accepting enough of her 4th grade confession. Maybe I tried to sweep it under the rug. If I did, it wasn’t because I wouldn’t love her if she was gay. It was because I knew she would face more challenges in life by others who wouldn’t accept her. And I hated that for her. She had already been through so much when I was ill, and then when her father and I divorced. For whatever reason, we didn’t really talk about it again till after a terrible breakup with a guy who drank too much and mistreated her. That brought her to her knees.

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I’ve always told her, she reminds me of that punching-bag Bozo the Clown we had when we were kids. Whenever she got knocked down, she came right back up. Every. Single. Time. I’m so proud of her. And when she finally found *K*, I was thrilled. Because she blossomed. She is who she really IS with her. They are so good together. They lift each other up and celebrate each other. They work toward their goals. They are best friends and they love and respect each other deeply.

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I will never forget the day she called me and said, “Mom, are you sitting down?”

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With slight trepidation, I said, “Yes.”

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“I’m going to ask *K* to marry me!”

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OMGosh! My heart exploded for her. After watching her struggle for all those years, trying to find herself, she was finally there. The rest of the conversation was filled with “congratulations” and “when is the wedding” and “what are your plans”. 

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I’ve had many prayerful moments about this. I am a Christian. In my prayers, I asked God to tell me what to do. I had people actually tell me I should just send them each a wedding gift and not go to the wedding. I’ve had people tell me we’re all going to hell. That’s not what God told me. He reminded me HE gave me this child to love and care for and protect...forever. And that’s what I will do...forever.

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She called me in tears the other night regarding the impending confirmation of a Supreme Court Judge who is not supportive of the LGBTQ community, tipping the majority. She asked, “What if they delegitimize our marriage???” Imagine her fear...her sadness...her frustration. I paused, took a deep breath, and said, “Sweetheart, nobody can ever take away the love you and your wife have for each other. NO ONE can take away your relationship. I don’t know what will happen to the paper that joins you. I don’t know what will happen in the courts and in the country and in the world. We’ll just pray that everything works out.” I do know this...God loves them, just as He loves all of us.

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I don’t have all the answers. I’m just a mom who loves her daughter to the moon and back. I want her to have the freedom to love who she loves...the same freedom I have and you have. I will fight for the rights of my children. When it is my time to stand before God and have a reckoning of my life, I will tell Him I loved the babies he gave me...no matter what...and I tried to do the best for them. That’s the best I can do.

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❤️

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“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.”

\n1 John 4:18-19 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-10-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/10/27/day-we-love-who-we.html", "tags": ["Family","Love","God","Courage","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/10/26/day-the-real-feel-of.html", "title": "Day 227: The Real Feel of Autumn", "content_html": "\n
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When I woke up yesterday, I greeted my sweetheart and said, “How can it possibly be Sunday again already?” The time flies so, so fast anymore. I grabbed my coffee, Mr. FixIt his tea, and we headed into the family room for church. I know it is important to have fellowship with other Christians, but I’m telling you...I like not having to drive all the way to town and back on a Sunday. I like to sit in my comfy chair and listen to the worship music and the encouraging words of a good sermon. We can hit “pause” if we have to take a little trip down the hall. Hey, we’re older now. And, we can discuss and openly encourage each other as the message is being preached. 

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Yesterday, one of our associate pastors gave us a wonderful message. I love when visuals are used to demonstrate points. I have always been a visual learner and think in analogies, so I especially enjoyed it. You can catch it on YouTube HERE.  (They actually go live about 9 minutes, 45 seconds in.)

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I had a hankering for some comfort food yesterday. I bought a small chuck roast the other day so I browned it on either side and put it in my slow cooker around noon. Mr. Virgo used to put a can each of Cream of Onion and Cream of Celery soups in with garlic, onions, mushrooms, and a can of water. This always made a wonderful gravy. Unfortunately, I found my last two onions were too old to use and I forgot to buy mushrooms. Well, guess who dehydrated mushrooms and onions this summer and stored them away for occasions such as this? Me! I added about a cup of dehydrated mushrooms and 1/3 cup of dehydrated onions to the slow cooker, stirred it all around a bit, put the lid on and turned it to high. Five hours later, I served the roast with some of my home canned green beans, home canned applesauce, and herb roasted tiny potatoes. It was fabulous and we have enough leftover for tonight, too.

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I’m back to baking sourdough again. I took a few weeks off when I was so busy canning. While I wasn’t baking, I fed my sourdough starter once a week and kept it in the refrigerator. That slows the feeding down. I was thrilled when I took it out Thursday to warm up, fed it, and it overflowed the jar. That’s the sign of a good, strong yeast. I fed it again Friday night, then Saturday morning, I worked up my dough, formed the loaves, and set them in the garage fridge to rise overnight. A cold rise is supposed to allow the acids to build up in the dough and make a more sour loaf, so I’m looking forward to having some for breakfast this morning. I’ve found it doesn’t cut well and the flavor isn’t as pronounced until the day after baking.

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Once the bread was finished, I spent the afternoon writing an article for the winter issue of Girl Camper Magazine. The magazine comes out four times a year and you can’t get it at the newsstand. If you are interested, you can order a subscription HERE.

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I love Sundays and it was wonderful to have a nice, slow day...gentle rain...fire in the family room...the smells of homemade bread and a roast cooking...spending time with my sweetie. I was thrilled to get the news from my Colorado peeps that snow has fallen in the mountains. Hopefully, this will help knock out the wildfires and we can put that to rest for the year. I hope you had a wonderful weekend and that you are staying healthy.

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❤️

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“Remember that the Sabbath Day belongs to me. You have six days when you can do your work, but the seventh day of each week belongs to me, your God. No one is to work on that day—not you, your children, your slaves, your animals, or the foreigners who live in your towns. In six days I made the sky, the earth, the oceans, and everything in them, but on the seventh day I rested. That's why I made the Sabbath a special day that belongs to me.”

\nExodus 20:8-11 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-10-26T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/10/26/day-the-real-feel-of.html", "tags": ["Comfort","God","Peaceful Moments","Cooking","In the Kitchen"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/10/25/day-connecting-through-technology.html", "title": "Day 226: Connecting Through Technology", "content_html": "\n
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I was busy in the kitchen making a couple of loaves of sourdough bread and fixing pork chops for supper when Daughter #1 shot me a quick text. She told me Big was just about to participate in a swim meet and if I went to this FB page, I could watch it live. I was thrilled! My son-in-law’s mom and I watched her swim in all three events. It’s not the same as being there, but being included and getting to see her swim was so fun! I dished up our plates because the food was ready and wasn’t going to keep well in the oven. I handed Mr. FixIt his and I sat at the bar in the kitchen and watched and cheered my big girl on!

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Later in the evening, I joined a zoom concert my good friend and financial advisor, Danielle Howard, put together featuring Jackson Emmer. You can find his music on YouTube and iTunes and check out his website, as well. He has a really interesting voice. He says he kind of shredded his vocal cords with all his years singing at high altitude and it’s left this with the rasp that actually sounds harmonic. If you didn’t watch him, you’d thing there was someone else harmonizing with him. It was really interesting and I thoroughly enjoyed the show. You can check him out HERE. 

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What a treat it was to be connected with the outside world in such a way. While technology can often be a curse, the fact that we can work remotely and share dinner with our family and friends listen to a concert with folks spread out over the entire country...well, that’s just a marvel is what it is. I used to think how amazing it was all the things that were invented and developed in my grandma’s lifetime. And now? Now, here I am...not only the grandma, but the GREAT grandma, too. I tell them we didn’t get our first TV till I was 8 or 9 years old...that I watched the first satellite launch and saw it cross the night sky...that I had the first personal calculator ever produced and it cost over $400...that our first cell phone was in a small suitcase and had the regular handset and curly cord of a phone, and that was in 1990! I tell them we didn’t get a home computer till their mom was in middle school. We had dial up and flip phones. 

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The upside of all this technology is connection, productivity and information. The downside is the cacophony of busyness and noise, the scramble for our attention, the constant barrage of politics and rancor and discord. I have to wonder...what would this Covid Crisis and Election Season be like if we didn’t have the technology we have now? What if it was just Walter Cronkite telling us there was a bad disease and it’s going to be hard, but here’s what we have to do get through it? I have to think this would be a whole different scenario. Maybe there would be less discord, but there would be a lot more isolation and loneliness. 

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Progress. Change. You know what they say...the only thing you can count on is change. And, Lord...this has certainly been a season of change. I think...I hope...I hope we’re going to learn a lot from this period of time and we’ll be the better for it down the road. I read something the other day by an American pastor and author. He was talking about how BIG God is. We sometimes make the things of the world seem like that are bigger than God. But, that does a disservice to God. Because when you make the things of the world large, you make God small. That’s not to say there aren’t pressing matters of great importance facing us right now. There are. But God is greater than all of this and He wins. God always wins.

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❤️

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“Where could I go to escape from your Spirit or from your sight? If I were to climb up to the highest heavens, you would be there. If I were to dig down to the world of the dead you would also be there. Suppose I had wings like the dawning day and flew across the ocean. Even then your powerful arm would guide and protect me. Or suppose I said, “I'll hide in the dark until night comes to cover me over.” But you see in the dark because daylight and dark are all the same to you.”

\nPsalms 139:7-12 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-10-25T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/10/25/day-connecting-through-technology.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","God","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/10/19/day-grounding-myself-in-the.html", "title": "Day 220: Grounding Myself in the Spirit", "content_html": "\n
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Flyfishing the Curratuck Sound at Sunset

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Mr. FixIt and I haven’t been to church in person since February. We really miss it, but online church has become our custom and we get up with great anticipation to hear another good sermon. When they first started attending live services, the pastor made some remarks that made us feel belittled for not attending in person. I sent a kind, well-worded message and asked that they please not ostracize those who choose to stay home due to underlying medical conditions that could make getting Covid a death sentence. The next weekend, the pastor spoke into the camera and welcomed us to online church and dubbed us the Warehouse Nation. Their online ministry has started drawing an audience from all over the world. It’s just a simple lesson...don’t shut people out. God’s using this time for HIS glory...not ours.

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For the most part, I really love my home church. But there have been a couple of times that I have been put off by the pastor preaching politics from the pulpit. I have asked on my personal page if this is a common occurrence and I received some very good feedback. Unfortunately, the discussion quickly went off the rails and political policies and the heated emotions that attend them blew up. Most of the time I’ll cut that off, but this time I let it run its course and prayed till it blew over. That being said, I won’t do that here so let’s not even go there. I thought about writing another well worded note to the pastors, but didn’t. When it happened a second time, I almost said forget it...we’ll just find another church. But God kept whispering to my heart to hang on. He’s not just working on me. He’s working on everyone and He wanted me to be patient and give Him time to work. In other words, He wanted me to tend to my own knittin’, as my grandma used to say.

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The other day, a young man who went to high school with Daughter #1 was on a thread I was was participating in. I know better than to read Facebook too late in the evening when I’m tired and fed up. A comment was made and I responded. Looking back, I can see where it came across as snarky. I was going to erase it, then vacation stuff took over and I totally forgot. That is, until I got the response from “John”. It was equally snarky. I typed a response...and erased it. Typed another...erased it. Another...cancelled. In my conversational tone, I said, “Ok, God...what are you saying here? What are you asking me to do?” 

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“Wait...I’m not done yet.”

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Yesterday, our pastor delivered the sermon God wanted me to wait for. I don’t know if someone else sent a well-worded note, or if God was working on all of us, but our pastor walked us through the Fruits of the Spirit. Since when did we start hating each other for having a different political opinion? Since when did we decide it was ok to throw out the Golden Rule and go for the jugular every time someone says something that offends us? Granted...there ARE plenty of things to be legitimately offended over, but we shouldn’t be hateful over differences of opinion over politics. God is so much bigger than Trump or Biden or Covid. 

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The Fruits of the Spirit are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Being our best self. I saw something the other day that gave me pause. 

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Kamala is beloved.

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Donald is fearfully and wonderfully made.

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Mike is cherished.

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Joe is important enough that Jesus died for him.

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Jesus sees us all through the same lens and God is our judge...not members of the opposing party. I can respect the office but not the policies and/or behavior of the person sitting in the chair. I can know who you vote for and still love you. Humans are capable of that.

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This post isn’t about politics. This post is about love. God’s love for us. And the love He commanded us to practice toward Him and each other.

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❤️

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““Teacher, what is the most important commandment in the Law?” Jesus answered: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. This is the first and most important commandment. The second most important commandment is like this one. And it is, “Love others as much as you love yourself.” All the Law of Moses and the Books of the Prophets are based on these two commandments.”

\nMatthew 22:36-40 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-10-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/10/19/day-grounding-myself-in-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Love","God","Forgiveness","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/10/07/day-gods-present-is-his.html", "title": "Day 208: God’s Present is His Presence", "content_html": "\n
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It isn’t very often I get up before Mr. FixIt. He’s definitely an earlier riser than me, so yesterday was one of those rare mornings when the house is still and quiet as I walked into the kitchen. I made my morning coffee and popped a couple of my made-ahead waffles into the toaster. Soon, the smell of vanilla and cinnamon and coffee gently caressed the air and I nibbled on breakfast as I watched the autumn sun glisten on the lawn out the kitchen window.

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I placed my dishes in the sink, slipped on my shoes, and carried my coffee outside to let the kitty out for the day. It is unmistakably fall as the temperature was hovering around forty degrees. As I made my way down the sidewalk, looking for any sign of the frost my friend Joyce had in town, something caught my eye. I looked down and there was a single dandelion clock...the part of the dandelion with the seeds that you blow on and make a wish. It sparkled in the sun like it was encased in little tiny diamonds. It was enchanting. I hurried inside to get my phone to take a photo.

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I thought at first we must have had a frost after all, but it was just a very heavy dew...decorating every little strand and hair like nature’s very own Tiffany showcase. I snapped several photos and was dismayed that I couldn’t get in really close. The nice thing about iPhones these days is the high resolution on their cameras so all I had to do was blow the picture up to see the little sparkles.

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I went on and let the cat out, giving her some snuggles before she scampered off to explore the Ponderosa. This is the smartest cat. She stays far away from the big road. Cars and trucks scare her and she makes a bee line for the building every time one comes down our side road. I checked what’s left of the plants in the raised beds and garden and we really are at the tail end. I have a few small peppers I can do something with this week. I have some orange slices in the dehydrator so maybe when I pull those out, I can dry some peppers for soups and sauces this winter.

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I sat down with my coffee and searched YouTube one last time for instructions on canning apple pie filling. Even after reading several recipes and watching some videos, it wasn’t sitting right with me and I felt I was missing something. I found another homesteading video and there it was. The lady was getting ready to add the ClearGel and happened to mention, “Now, be sure you use the kind of ClearGel you use for cooking and not the instant. Instant won’t work for canning pie filling.” I still had the jar of ClearGel on the coffee table in front of me so I picked it up and, wouldn’t you know it? I have the instant! I didn’t even know there were different kinds. So...Plan B. Or is it C at this point? Who knows?

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I could have just canned the apples, but when I went to check them, it was apparent they were really a very soft variety...more of a sauce apple than a baking apple. I knew I would get through all this work and end up with soupy, chunky applesauce. I decided instead to make apple butter. I found a recipe for making apple butter in a slow cooker, so I finished preparing the last of the apples and layered them with a little sugar in a couple of six quart food grade tubs and set them aside for the day to bring the juice out. Then I seasoned them with cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice and added some apple juice and a little brown sugar. I divided the batch and filled both of my slow cookers. I placed them on low and we’ll see what they look like today.

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As I sat down to write this last night, I was weary. I keep trying to strike that balance between staying well informed and maintaining my sanity. I swear, it seems like the typical news cycle is twenty-four hours or less anymore, and stories change in rapid succession. I leaned back and closed my eyes and said, “God, I need to you come sit with me for a while. I’m overwhelmed by all that his happening now. What is it you want me to see here?” Then, I listened.

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I wasn’t even going to write about the dandelion last night. As a matter of fact, I had forgotten all about those quiet moments in the garden with my coffee early in the morning. Suddenly, I saw that little sparkling orb in the grass in my mind’s eye and heard... “Narrow your focus.” I pulled out my phone and fiddled around with one of the photos till I had it blown up and focused on the tiny little droplets of dew on each tiny little hair of the clock.

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He was right. As I narrowed my focus to those little drops of dew, I heard... “I give you this every day. When was the last time you looked for this without stepping on it or rushing by with your nose in the news?” I felt the tension slip away from my shoulders and neck and smiled at this entire universe sitting in a little patch of sunlight on our lawn. How often do I miss this gift?

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Yes, the course of our nation is in the balance right now. Decisions are being made, and will be made in the coming weeks and months that will potentially impact our lives for generations to come. And these things are vitally important to stay engaged in and see through. But God also wants us to remember...we are sitting in a tiny little patch of sun in the middle of a massive, unfathomable universe and we really aren’t the ones ultimately in control here. Getting my blood in a boil is not going to change things. Firing off retorts on Facebook is not going to change things. We are too polarized for that now. There’s no convincing either side of the merits of the other. We’ve been manipulated and drawn into a place this country hasn’t seen in decades and I don’t know about you...but I sure don’t feel in control of much of anything this month.

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So, I narrow my focus. I do what I can do. I love on people at every opportunity. I create goodness in my kitchen, I create kindness in my heart, and I create peace in my mind by looking in a teeny tiny crystal ball, nestled in the tall, tough grass of autumn.

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❤️

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“I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. My friends, I don't feel I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. I run toward the goal, so I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done. All of us who are mature should think in this same way. And if any of you think differently, God will make it clear to you.”

\nPhilippians 3:12-15 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-10-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/10/07/day-gods-present-is-his.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","Comfort","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/09/07/day-jam-and-jesus.html", "title": "Day 173: Jam and Jesus!", "content_html": "\n
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I love Sundays in the country. While they are supposed to be a day of rest, they most often turn into a different kind of worship...the kind I do every day. First, since we are staying out in the camper every chance we get, we are sleeping so soundly that it isn’t hard to completely miss online church. However, yesterday, I opened my eyes, smiled at my sweetheart and he said, “Good morning, baby...ten minutes to church!”

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I glanced at my cell phone to confirm and hopped right up. When your man is excited for church, you get moving! I was up, dressed, in the house with coffee in hand at 10:00...a new world record, I am sure!

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Church was really great, even though they played a repeat of the last sermon of 2019. For one thing, it was so cool to see what life was like just 9 short months ago. A little nostalgic, I have to say. Also, our pastor...as I am sure any pastor would be...was so animated and on fire in front of a congregation without restriction. Next Sunday they are going back to in person worship, but we will stay home and continue to watch online. We just feel safer that way and we still get spiritually fed. This is actually working very well for us under the circumstances but I will look forward to the day we feel it is a healthy choice for us to go in person. In the meantime, we do not feel deprived of the experience.

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As soon as church was over, I headed to work in the kitchen. I filled the dehydrator with sliced mushrooms and set it aside to do its thing while I turned to the main task at hand. I had peaches and plums that needed to be made into jam and I could hardly wait to try the new Jam & Jelly Maker. When I preserve food, I set everything out in an orderly fashion so I don’t have to go looking for something I need right in the middle of things. There might be a little wiggle room if you are canning tomatoes or green beans, but jams and jellies are absolutely time dependent.

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As I set to peeling the peaches, I asked Mr. FixIt if he would mind filming me while I did it. I wanted to show how easy it is to peel peaches and make jam. It was the first thing I learned to can when I started and anyone can do it...especially with this handy appliance. When Mr. FixIt was in high school, he ran the stage crew so he is quite at home behind a camera. However, from a technical standpoint, we made some errors so there is definitely a learning curve.

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For one thing, I not only had the window fan going, but I also had the exhaust fan on over the stove, trying to keep the house from getting too hot. That’s great for temperature...not so great for sound. The second thing we discovered...if you film in portrait view and compose the movie in the app iMovie, it converts to landscape orientation. That’s cool except...it cuts off the top and the bottom of the film. In other words, the top of my head is cut off, but you can hear what I’m saying, so we’ll just take it as a learning experience. Just a head’s up disclaimer if you decide to watch. I’ve added a link to my YouTube Channel. (Yes...I have a YouTube Channel...who knew? lol)

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It was a productive day. The Jam & Jelly Maker only makes four jars at a time. If there is a downside, that’s it. However, the upsides are awesome. It stirs itself and the temperature is preset so there’s no scorching. And, while one batch is cooking, you can get the ingredients together for the next batch. It went very smooth once I got the hang of it.

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I ended up with eight jars of Peach Jam, but not enough mashed fruit left for a third batch. I pulled the plums out of the fridge and cut up enough to make up the difference and made four jars of Peach-Plum Jam. It was my favorite. The flavor combo was really special. Then I made four jars of Plum Jam but there were not enough mashed plums to make another batch. I put what was left over in a jar in the fridge and will buy some more plums today to add to it. So, sixteen jars of jam and a dehydrator full of mushrooms. Not a bad afternoon’s work.

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When we had the kids over on Friday for homemade pizza, I only baked three of the four pizzas. I covered the fourth one tightly and set it in the garage fridge to have over the weekend. It seemed like the perfect time yesterday so after the mess from the jam was put away, I baked the pizza on the pizza stone and I think it was even more flavorful than the others. The flavors had a chance to meld in the fridge and it was really delicious. I’ll do a pizza-making video one of these days!

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When all was said and done, I stretched out to edit and upload the video to YouTube. While I waited for the upload to go through, I fell asleep. Who would have imagined such a thing, right? I hate falling asleep that late, but it couldn’t be helped. It was a really good day. Sometimes worship comes in the form of putting food by for a rainy day.

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You can watch my “Making Jam with Ginny” video HERE.

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❤️

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“Flowers and grass fade away, but what our God has said will never change.”

\nIsaiah 40:8 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-09-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/09/07/day-jam-and-jesus.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Gratitude","God","Farm Life","Cooking"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/23/day-burning-down-my-memories.html", "title": "Day 158: Burning Down My Memories", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

I was a new widow when I bought my first camper. A little 16’ job with everything I needed. I miss that little camper...the original TOW-Wanda. I still regret trading her in for the big behemoth I own now, but...water under the bridge, you know.

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I always wanted a camper although I had never pulled one. I camped in a tent a couple of times and once drove cross country in an old VW Poptop Van, but actually having my own camper eluded me. 

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I tried to get Hubby #2 to buy one and he refused. It never occurred to me to go out and buy one myself. I wasn’t brave enough to do such a thing back then. But Mr. Virgo understood my wanderlust and, while not an avid camper himself, was anxious to see that I got to do all the fun things I wanted.

\n\n\n

When he died suddenly while we were looking at the camper for our retirement, I thought my dreams would end there. But, something stirred within me almost from the beginning of widowhood. I was determined to have that camper and found a way to make it work.

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Little TOW-Wanda came into my life just a few weeks after the funeral. I carefully stocked her and as soon as the spring snows melted, I was off on The Grand Adventure through the wilderness and backroads of Colorado by myself.

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I am so glad there were no forest fires to speak of that summer, or I might have lost the heart for this fun way of life. I traveled a circle clear around the state at least twice in those three months. One particularly beautiful stretch was heading west on Colorado Route 14 through Poudre Canyon. I hadn’t been through there since the High Park Fire of 2012 the year before. It was devastating to see the blackened vegetation...the trees standing like gnarled fingers pointing to the sky.

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I drove to the far west end where the fire had spared the canyon. I found an empty campsite right on the edge of the Cache la Poudre River and backed in. It was early in the camping season. The kids were still in school, and I had just about every campground I went to all to myself. 

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I had camped in Rocky Mountain National Park for a few days prior to my arrival in Poudre Canyon. I saw wildlife galore on that trip...elk, deer, turkey, mink, ermine, marmot, Bald Eagles, Great Horned Owls, moose, coyotes. Everything except a bear. The last morning at this campsite, I talked with Mr. Virgo...as I did most mornings. I thanked him for bringing all the beautiful animals to enjoy...I really appreciated them. But, could he please just bring me at least one bear???

\n\n\n

I packed up and headed west on Colorado 14 and began the long, steady climb up to Cameron Pass. By the time I got to Joe Wright Reservoir, my engine was getting a little hot. I decided to pull in the parking area and gaze at the still frozen water. Signs of spring were coming to the high country as the fresh green leaves were popping out on the aspen trees and the undergrowth was beginning to show signs of life. Finally, when the engine and transmission were cooled, I took off to the tip top of the pass.

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I had just crested the pass at 10, 249’ and began the slow descent down when I noticed the most odd thing. Someone had placed a huge statue of a bear, right along the highway where it makes a sharp bend to the right. I slowed down to look at it, then realized...to my sheer delight...it was a real, live bear! Standing on the edge of the road, the sheer drop off behind him. I stopped the truck and stared. Thank God there wasn’t someone coming along behind me! I tried to snap a photo of the bear, but the memory was full on my phone and by the time I reached for my digital camera, it had disappeared over the edge. I realized that memory was for me alone. 

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I don’t believe I have seen another bear in the wilds of Colorado since that one magical morning on Cameron Pass. And now...Cameron Pass is burning, as is much of Colorado and points west. Climate change has brought increasing drought and prevailing winds so the fires continue to become worse and worse.

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I don’t know when, or if, I will ever have the opportunity to go on an adventure like that again. But I must say...the memories of those three months pulling my camper through the majestic Rocky Mountains have never faded and remind me of God’s reckless love for me...to grace me with these memories that still fill my heart.

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❤️

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“God is the one who rules the whole earth, and we that live here are merely insects. He spread out the heavens like a curtain or an open tent.”

\nIsaiah 40:22 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-23T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/23/day-burning-down-my-memories.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Strong Women","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","God","Wisdom","Peaceful Moments","Widow","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/21/day-my-god-appointment-of.html", "title": "Day 156: My God Appointment of the Day", "content_html": "\n
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I believe God places people in your path and gives you an opportunity to share. Your time. Your talents. Information. Faith. Or, maybe just a gentle conversation. Such was the case yesterday.

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There’s always a little back story to my stories, so here goes. Last week when Mr. FixIt and I went to the farm to mow, there was a message on the answering machine left by a gentleman who was looking for my aunt. He hadn’t spoken to her in at least ten years, so he didn’t even know if she was still living. His name was Bill, but he didn’t leave a number and we don’t have caller ID on the line out there. After I listened to the recording, I said, “God, nudge this fella and have him call me again, but this time with his number, ok?”

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I didn’t think about it again all week. This Monday, we went back out to mow and there were a couple of messages. I smiled, remembering my quick prayer for a return call. Could it be Bill?

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The first call was AARP. They leave a message about once a week to tune in to listen to some talk about something or other. I just delete them. 

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The second call was Bill! I was so glad he called back and left his number. Thank you, God.

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I called him back and got his voicemail. I left my name and number, told him why I was calling, and could he call me back?

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Last night, I was sitting down to write my daily post and whispered, “God...what should I write about today?” My phone rang. It was a number I didn’t recognize so I let it go to voicemail while I got set up to write. A little while later, I received the notification I had a voicemail. I listened and...it was Bill!

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I called him right back and we had the most delightful conversation. He was saddened to learn about my aunt’s passing. He had known her since college and actually had been college roommates (and best friends in high school) with her first husband. Now, this was a treat for me, because I don’t know a whole lot about my uncle. He was only forty-one when he passed away. He had rheumatic fever as a child and subsequently developed rheumatic heart disease...damage to the valves of the heart. This is a result of an untreated strep infection. He passed during the night after suffering a fall on their farm...just shy of his scheduled open heart surgery.

\n\n\n

Bill remembered my uncle as a dandy basketball player...the best shot on the team at 6’1”. The guy who should have been on the first string, wasn’t. He played second team. Bill never understood why till he learned years later that my uncle had taken an early disability retirement from his government job in Washington, DC because of a heart condition.

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I shared with Bill some of my memories of my uncle. I own three of his grandmother’s crocks and a small child’s rocking chair. He was a tease. He told me he worked for the CIA. Then he changed it to a perfume factory. I never did get a straight answer of what he did for a living and Bill didn’t know either.

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He recalled a time when he was traveling through West Virginia and decided to stop and see my aunt. He knew she was living out at the farm and taking care of her mom and a brother. It was cool to talk to someone who met my grandma...who had sat in the little red farmhouse...who knew my aunt and uncle when they were kids. There were no big revelations in our conversation, except...he and I both lived in England and in Denver...both with the Air Force. 

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And...we knew a strong woman we both admired. 

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I’m glad I answered the call and could be the one to tell him his old friend was gone.

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Yes, God gives us appointments.

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❤️

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“Then I heard a voice from heaven say, “Put this in writing. From now on, the Lord will bless everyone who has faith in him when they die.” The Spirit answered, “Yes, they will rest from their hard work, and they will be rewarded for what they have done.””

\nRevelation 14:13 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-21T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/21/day-my-god-appointment-of.html", "tags": ["Family","God","Memories"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/11/day-another-bad-night-another.html", "title": "Day 146: Another Bad Night, Another Good Day", "content_html": "\n
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Nearly 5 inches of rain, Bread Pudding in my favorite iron skillet, foggy morning on the Ponderosa, Grandma’s Church, “Naked Ladies” lillies, the back field on the Ponderosa in the fog.
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I used to have what I referred to as “bad nights” in the early years after losing Mr. Virgo. I will never forget the blessed feeling of relief when they finally let up. I will also never forget when they resurfaced years later and I couldn’t shake the thought that maybe this is just the way things are with the new new normal of grief.

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Thankfully, those bad nights are few and far between anymore. They are usually triggered by stress and...could there be anything more stressful than your new husband having two strokes not much more than a year after the wedding...compounded by everything else going on in this world today? We have had two deaths in the family in the last two weeks. One was my cousin’s husband. That stirs up those old memories. 

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I went to bed Sunday night like I always do. I slept so well on Friday and Saturday nights. I was hoping for a repeat. I wrote my post. I fed my sourdough starter. I took my meds and did my evening toilette. I climbed between clean sheets with the windows open and a cool evening breeze coming in. I put away my phone so I wouldn’t be tempted to lay there and surf or read or play games. In other words, I did everything right. Still...sleep did not come.

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I laid there for hours...tossing and turning. I knew I was keeping Mr. FixIt awake, so I tried to just lay still so I wouldn’t bother him. Then I got a headache from laying in the same position. When Mr. FixIt doesn’t sleep soundly, he become a noisy sleeper. Every time he turns over, he either moans or shouts out...depending on the level of discomfort he has from arthritis. Suffice it to say...I watched the sun coming up.

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I got up, drew my fuzzy robe around me, and walked outside to photograph the morning fog. I love fog...it’s so cool and mysterious and softens the world to a hazy glow. The fog also dampens the sounds of the world. The birds seem to whisper their tenuous calls so not to wake up Mother Nature before the coffee’s ready.

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I wandered around for a while, went back inside and cleaned the kitchen, and finally...around 7:30...I thought I’d try again to sleep. That’s when the “bad” part of the “bad nights” hit. I laid there, realizing it had now been 24 hours I’d been awake. What if something happened and Mr. FixIt had a medical emergency and needed me? What if something happened to the kids? How would I be my best if I hadn’t had any sleep. You all know where that snowball went...right downhill.

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I laid there, quietly willing myself to settle down, to not borrow trouble, to not wake up my husband. When he finally did wake up, I told him about my night and he urged me to not worry about a thing and get some sleep. I went into the guest room and slept till 3:30 in the afternoon! 

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When I awoke, we went to the farm to get the long ladder so I could seal the roof on TOW-Wanda. When we got home, we watched the news and then worked on the camper. I fixed a great meal, and the day was done. My biggest gift of the day came again from Miss Jackie. Her husband was a pastor and she is just a knowledgeable woman when it comes to the Bible. There, in her comment on yesterday’s post was her formula for maintaining mental health. A verse from Philippians. I’ll include it here.

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These verses are an instruction manual for maintaining balance in these crazy times. Good friends can bring such good advice when they are plugged into the light. I cherish those friends who tell me like it is, who gently correct...and who sometimes kick me in the butt when I need it. Thank you all for always being here. 

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As Ram Dass said...”We are all just walking each other home.”

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❤️

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“You have a special place in my heart. So it is only natural for me to feel the way I do. All of you have helped in the work God has given me, as I defend the good news and tell about it here in jail.”

\nPhilippians 1:7 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-11T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/11/day-another-bad-night-another.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","God","Wisdom","Fear","Peaceful Moments","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/10/day-steadfast-through-the-storms.html", "title": "Day 145: Steadfast Through the Storms", "content_html": "\n
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Let’s face it...2020 has been a year of storms. Every single day, we see something incredulous...something unimaginable...something so unbelievable our minds can begin to be numbed by it all. I don’t even need to write out the list, but who in their right mind would have thought up murder hornets and zombie cicadas...let alone all the other stuff?

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I was feeling a little overwhelmed by it all this last week. I found peace in my garden and on my walks with Jesus. Then I would look at the news again and it would be another awful thing. Balancing between informed citizen and sensory overload is getting more and more challenging. Then, Mr. FixIt and I sat down to enjoy online church yesterday. Like He always does, the Holy Spirit brought me exactly the sermon I needed to hear.

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Pastor Heather spoke about weathering the storms of life. We are always guaranteed to have storms and more often than not, they come out of nowhere and we can be caught off guard. She happened to be on vacation last week with her family and there happened to be a hurricane come right through Myrtle Beach. She noticed the palm trees swaying in the fury of the winds, yet they were never uprooted or broken. It reminded her of the first few verses of Psalms. 

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Those who turn away from evil advice and don’t follow sinners or sneer at God find happiness in the teaching of the Lord, and they think about it day and night. It goes on to say they are like trees planted by a stream where they get their nourishment. This is what I want to be. A sturdy tree planted by the living waters where I can get my peace from the source. God tells us over and over the way to happiness.

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When I first started writing this blog, I promised God if he would bring me the words, I would tell my readers where I find my peace. It is so terribly easy to be reactionary in this political climate. The other day I wrote a reactionary post that I not only didn’t give much thought to, but I also didn’t research it first. My sweet friend Jackie responded with a gentle correction. I so appreciated that. It didn’t escalate. It just suggested I “listen”. Action versus reaction.

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A good lesson for us all.

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❤️

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“God blesses those people who refuse evil advice and won't follow sinners or join in sneering at God. Instead, they find happiness in the Teaching of the Lord, and they think about it day and night. They are like trees growing beside a stream, trees that produce fruit in season and always have leaves. Those people succeed in everything they do.”

\nPsalms 1:1-3 CEV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/10/day-steadfast-through-the-storms.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Grace","God","Courage","Peaceful Moments"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/08/07/day-having-trouble-feeling-good.html", "title": "Day 142: Having Trouble Feeling Good?", "content_html": "\n
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It’s “Feel Good Friday” and I don’t know about you, but...it could get pretty frustrating looking around this dark world for something to feel good about. I gave this week’s edition of FGF a good, hard look yesterday. I usually search the internet for some story or video that tells of some heart warming thing someone has done. That’s all well and good, but it wasn’t working for me yesterday. So, I do what I always do when I need a little inspiration. I went for a walk with Jesus.

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First, we went out into the garden and looked at the abundance of tomatoes that are coming on. There’s zucchini and yellow crookneck squash, green onions and peppers, pumpkins and Passion Flowers. The honeysuckle clings to the fence along the back of the yard and brambles of wild black raspberries tangle in the corner over the rhubarb. Sumac and wild grape vines threaten to shade the garden as they compete with pokeweed and Virginia Creeper. I felt the stress in my shoulders begin to ease.

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I gave the plants a good drink and took off for a walk around the far field. I saw a hole out there when I was mowing this week and I wanted to check it out. As I ambled across the fresh mown grass, I asked Jesus to give me something to feel good about. I let my mind go blank as I strolled and took in the sights and smells of the pasture. I let myself feel the gratitude for the beauty of this place Mr. FixIt has so generously shared with me. I started humming softly to myself. 

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“I’ll Fly Away” started drifting around in my mind. Not just any version either. It was the Stanley Brothers bluegrass gospel version. It was on their album “Good Old Camp Meeting Songs” and was recorded in May 1962...the month before I turned nine years old. In an instant, I was back in the front yard of Grandma’s house out at the farm, a quart jar in my hands, catching lightning bugs. Grandma and PopPop were inside with the Grand Ole Opry on...cranked up high...and Ralph and Carter Stanley were singing “I’ll Fly Away”.

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My heart smiled.

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A few years ago, I met a lovely young woman named Rachel. She plays the guitar and sings in her church and I had the pleasure of singing with her at a few gatherings when I was staying in my camper up at the river. We harmonized really well together and sang several of the old timey gospel hymns. It’s a precious memory I will always keep close.

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I continued my walk and peeked at the progress on the neighboring property as they clear some ground. As I was coming back down the road, I saw Mr. FixIt out looking for me in the field. The cat keeps losing her breakaway collars and he was hoping to find the one he bought her yesterday. No luck.

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I came in to write this, opened Facebook, and the first person I saw on my feed was...Rachel! My heart smiled big! I searched for, and listened to, some of Ralph Stanley’s great bluegrass gospel and found this album. So, this is today’s treat for “Feel Good Friday.” If this doesn’t make you feel good, I don’t know what will!

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The Stanley Brothers - Good Old Camp Meeting Songs

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Love you all. Take care of yourselves...and each other.

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❤️

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“speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”

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Ephesians 5:19-20 NIV

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#GospelMusic, #StanleyBrothers, #Hymns

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-08-07T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/08/07/day-having-trouble-feeling-good.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Grace","God","Wisdom","Peaceful Moments","Be Joyful!","Farm Life"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/31/day-how-to-stay-positive.html", "title": "Day 76: How to Stay Positive in Troubling Times", "content_html": "\n
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I am seldom at a loss for words, but yesterday about did me in. From hateful politics to the death and destruction of natural disasters. From long weeks of a horrifying pandemic to the wanton disregard of Memorial Day revelers. From the tragic pictures of a man held under the knee of a police officer till he died...on camera...to the pictures of hordes of people rioting in the street. The sheer chaos just breaks me.

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It’s easy to feel like we are standing on the edge of a cliff and there’s a whole crowd of people pushing us from behind. For every picture, for every news story, for every horrifying event...there are stories behind it, beneath it, through it. There are forces at work here breathing death into this chaos. There are evil doers who are fanning the flames of discord. There’s more to this story than we are seeing.

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How can we stay positive in times like this? We can’t “unsee” these things. We can’t “unknow” this information. Sometimes things are just so awful we can’t fix them and we can’t ignore them. We can’t hide from them and we’re left feeling unsafe, insecure...frightened.

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As I walked out the back door last night and headed to the camper to write about all of this, I was immediately greeted with several gifts. The sun was setting, casting a golden green light over the land I am so privileged to inhabit. The evening was cool and a breeze carried the scent of peonies and honeysuckle across the meadow. And, as I snuggled back against the pillows, iPad at the ready, the mockingbird outside the window regaled me with her evening repertoire. This is when I felt the Holy Spirit reach out to soothe me and remind me of these comforting words to share with you.

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“The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?”

\nPsalm 27:1\n
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“It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you, he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

\nDeuteronomy 31:8\n
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“He sets on high those who are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety.”

\nJob 5:11\n
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“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”

\nJohn 14:27\n
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“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

\nJohn 16:33\n
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“If I say ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,’ even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for the darkness is as light with you.”

\nPsalm 139:11-12\n
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“Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.”

\nPsalm 55:22\n
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“Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant.”

\nPsalm 119:76\n
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I have no answers as to the state of the world. I am gobsmacked by it all. I can’t make sense of it. I’ve been through troubling times before, but this is just crazy...unlike anything I have ever experienced. I do know this, though...the statement “Do not be afraid,” appears 70 times in the Bible. So, I do the only thing I can do. I run to my Dad for his protection and comfort. He is always there for me. He will never leave me or forsake me. He allows me the space to find the comforting gifts he leaves in my path...like a jar of Redbud Jelly and a bag of Sourdough Starter from Texas. The ability to turn those things into English Muffins. The heady aroma of honeysuckle and the evening song of a mockingbird.

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I don’t know how God can love us so much...but I’m surely glad that He does. 

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❤️

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“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

\n2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-31T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/31/day-how-to-stay-positive.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Comfort","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/05/10/day-a-different-kind-of.html", "title": "Day 55: A Different Kind of Mother’s Day!", "content_html": "\n
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As I sat at my keyboard last night, I looked for pictures of my mom and thought of all the Mother’s Days we had together. Really...very few. Once I left home to seek my fortunes, I am not sure we ever got to see each other on Mother’s Day. I always came home in the summer months when the kids were off of school. But I always called her and sent her a card and flowers. 

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I keep my pictures of Mom in an album on my iPad marked “”Family”. That way, when I get lonesome for them, they’re all in one place. I thought of all the sad and sentimental things I could say about my mom and how much I miss her. But, the truth is...even though I miss her desperately right now...I would NEVER want her to have had to experience what’s going on in the world. All the anger and divisiveness and ugliness would have upset her greatly. She had such a tender heart. And this virus would have worried her to death. I am much more peaceful knowing she is with her family and with Jesus.

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My eyes scanned the photos and lingered on my own children...from when they were littles to when they had littles of their own. These girls made me a mom. I wasn’t always very good at it. I made huge mistakes and it broke my heart that I let them down. So many years were lost to depression when I just couldn’t seem to connect with them as they needed. I’ve spent much of the last twenty years trying to fix that. Trying to be a better mom. Trying to create new and better memories.

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Since I moved back to my home state, I have returned to Colorado every summer to see the girls and spend time with my grandchildren. Then, the pandemic hit and I am not at all sure I’ll get to go back this year. There was a time when I would have focused on that loss and that’s all I’d see. Things are different now. Now I see where God is taking this situation and turning it for good.

\n\n\n

My girls and I have communicated more since the Stay at Home orders came out than we ever have. There are lots of phone calls and texts, sharing pictures, video chats. When I watch their Facebook feeds, I see them reaching back for THEIR comforting touchstones and I see myself there. In the raised bed gardens. In the baking and making and growing. In the phone calls asking for advice. It has warmed my heart.

\n\n\n

In the last two months, during this lockdown, I have finally realized...I made a difference in my kids’ lives. The things I taught them, stuck with them. And now, they are using those gifts I gave them to comfort themselves and their families. This means more to me than any trinket they could give me. It doesn’t get much better than this. 

\n\n\n

Mr. FixIt told me last night he didn’t get me anything for Mother’s Day because shopping isn’t the same. And I told him not to buy me flowers. I smiled and said, “I have everything I need for Mother’s Day. I have a great big blended family that gives me great joy.” Besides, I’d rather have kitchen stuff than flowers that wither and die.

\n\n\n

I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day. And if you are actively grieving, I hope you find some moments of peace and comfort with your memories of your loved one. 

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❤️

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\n

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.””

\nProverbs 31:25-29 ESV\n
\n\n\n

#MothersDay, #Children, #Holiday

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-05-10T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/05/10/day-a-different-kind-of.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Forgiveness","Aging","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/27/day-developing-faith-in-a.html", "title": "Day 42: Developing Faith in a Camper", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
\n\n\n

I went into x-ray training straight out of high school. Our first year was spent almost entirely in the classroom with gradual transition to working in the x-ray department. Our second year was almost all hands-on experience. We each had to take turns working in surgery, mostly in orthopedics taking films to see if bones were set and pins were placed correctly. It was fascinating and held my interest far more than high school ever did.

\n\n\n

There was a particular orthopedic surgeon everyone was nervous around. He was big and gruff and his voice boomed around the whole floor. When he told you to jump, you asked him how high on your way up. He had a habit of coming to the little closet where we hand developed his films. If he felt you were taking too long, he kicked hard on the door and scared you half to death.

\n\n\n

One particularly busy day, he came kicking on my door for the last time. I covered the developing tanks and opened the door and said, “What?!” He just stood there staring at me for a second.

\n\n\n

“Where are my films!” His voice bellowed.

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I really was shaking in my boots, but I’d had it up to here with being afraid every day so I put my hand on my hip and said, “Well, come in here and I’ll show you!”

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He walked in, still in his surgical garb and I shut the door behind him.

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As I opened the tanks back up, I explained to him that I could give him fast films or I could give him good films. It all depended on the temperature of the chemicals. Crank up the heat and you could develop those films lickety-split, but they were grainy and had very little definition. 

\n\n\n

When I was finished, I opened the door and handed him the films. I was absolutely sure I would get my can thrown out of school over that one, but from then on, there was a certain respect between us.

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Developing faith is a lot like that. It takes time in a dark room to develop. It’s not like the digital images we great in nanoseconds. It takes work and time. And just like learning to take x-rays, we are tested when we learn to have faith. Those tests aren’t easy. We have to work through them feeling alone and wondering where the teacher is.

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You see, the teacher is silent during the test. It’s meant to be that way so that we can focus. Just because we can’t see the teacher doesn’t mean he isn’t there. He’s always there. 

\n\n\n

These are trying times we are in right now. Hopefully, we are developing in our faith as we spend time in this dark room. Hopefully we are taking advantage of the quiet time during this time of testing. When we develop and grow in our faith, we are given the gift of tools to use when we move on to the next lesson. Faith gets built upon, day by day, year by year. We never stop growing older, so we should never stop growing in our faith, either.

\n\n\n

I spent the majority of the day yesterday out in the camper. We watched online church. Then CBS Sunday Morning. Then I packed up my books and headed out to TOW-Wanda. It rained all day and it was so wonderful to cuddle up on the daybed under a blanket. I have to admit, I mostly stared out the windows as the rain dripped down the glass and tapped on the roof. The creek roared outside the window. I let myself feel soothed by the smells and sounds and comfort I find in my little sanctuary.

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By the end of the afternoon, I was ready to head back inside. Mr. FixIt had fixed a wonderful meal of baked chicken, potatoes, and asparagus. I felt like I’d had a vacation after spending the night and most of the day in the camper. Those quiet times of reflection, prayer, and meditation develop my faith, too.....slowly, quietly, peacefully.

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❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.”

\n1 John 5:14-15 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-27T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/27/day-developing-faith-in-a.html", "tags": ["Faith","TOW-Wanda!","Growth","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/19/day-we-are-in-the.html", "title": "Day 34: We Are in the Same Storm...NOT the Same Boat", "content_html": "\n
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We are all caught in the same storm...but not in the same boat.
\n\n\n

Let me preface this by stating this is not an original thought. I mean, really...IS there such a thing anymore? No, I read something yesterday on Facebook that someone forwarded. It was attributed to an “Unknown Author” so, who knows? If you wrote it or know for certain who did, let me know so I can give credit where credit is due. 

\n\n\n

The premise of the post was the pandemic and where we factor in it. I’m sure we all have read “We are in the same boat!” That couldn’t be further from the truth. “We’ll get through this together!” Oh, that I truly pray for. But in the same boat? Nope. We’re in the same storm. And even that is somewhat different. The storm in Washington state and Florida and New York and Texas and New Orleans is far different than Montana and Wyoming and North Dakota and even here in West Virginia. 

\n\n\n

The only thing that is absolute is, we are facing the same enemy...Covid-19. That’s the storm we are collectively facing. For some, it’s hardly a blip on the radar screen. For others, it’s a Class V Hurricane. To say we are all in the same boat is totally inaccurate. We are all in our own boats...sailing along as best we can with what’s being thrown our way. It’s a crapshoot where the dice will land when they're tossed our way.

\n\n\n

Some of us are riding this wave with life vests out the wazoo. Money in the bank, food in the larder, a mortgage free home. It’s pretty much business as usual with a little more time at home than we’re used to. Maybe we don’t get the choicest cut of meat or they were out of our favorite wine. Maybe our biggest challenge is getting oh so bored with the menu at Chez Home Kitchen or we’ve gone through our DVR’s backlog of “must see” shows we always wanted to catch up on.

\n\n\n

Others have always been a paycheck away from hunger or homelessness. We’ve got parents teaching their children through online learning on top of working their own 10-12 hour day online...if we’re lucky enough to have a job, period. Some of us don’t have sweet and tender spouses ready to be there to back us up in our darkest time of need. Some of us have suffered abuse at night but at least had those hours on the job as a way to escape the blows for a while. Some of our children are facing hunger now more than ever...maybe for the first time in their little lives. Maybe the weight of the crises between moms and dad is spilling over and the littles are catching the brunt of it in ways we cannot imagine.

\n\n\n

We are NOT in the same boat. The single mom with three kids that’s trying to figure out how to keep her family together is not the same as the retired couple sipping their martini and watching the evening news together in their neat and tidy mansion on the 9th hole of the local country club. 

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We are NOT in the same boat. The dad who works three jobs to put food on the table and finds himself standing in a food bank line for 10 hours to receive a sack of groceries the likes of which others can pick up at the corner market without a second thought. 

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We are NOT in the same boat. Blacks and Latinos are dying in far greater numbers simply because their demographic puts them at a higher risk for disease.

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We ARE, however, in the same storm...more or less. We are facing a formidable foe. I pray we get through this together. But some of us won’t. Many of us won’t. 

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We are seeing exactly what I told you we would see. I told you, if the numbers didn’t turn out to be the mega-catastrophic death tolls originally predicted, we would have people screaming that we over-reacted. I told you this would happen if the curve flattened but it’s not because we over-reacted. It’s because the safety measures we put in place did their jobs. This debate will rage for months...could more lives have been saved if we started earlier? Did we do enough? Did we do too much? Where and when did the virus actually start? Since we didn’t have enough tests, what is the actually number of patients infected? 

\n\n\n

Now we are seeing protests of the shutdown and some officials are easing restrictions in what others see as too soon and with reckless abandon. Just the other day I wrote a post about gaslighting and we are seeing more and more of that, too. Changes will come at a dizzying speed and it’s going to be hard to keep up. Throw a presidential election in the mix and...holy cats...what a mess.

\n\n\n

It’s not all gloom and doom, though. Look at how folks are rallying around the people on the front lines. Look at how people are contributing and volunteering and organizing. As Mrs. Rogers told her little boy...”Look for the helpers.” They're out there and they are doing good things. There are positive things coming from this. People are searching out ways to be of service.

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If you’re still having trouble finding a ray of hope, try this. There wasn’t a single school shooting in all of March 2020...the first March since 2002 to not see one.

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That is a sobering thought.

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Maybe, just maybe....maybe we don’t WANT to go back to normal. 

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Maybe this is our chance to change. This is our do-over.

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I had to do it after Mr. Virgo died. I had to create a whole new normal. A whole new world. A whole new identity. Heck, if I...in all my messy dysfunction...could work with God and create something as beautiful as the life I’m living, anything is possible. 

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Anything.

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❤️

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““Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

\nIsaiah 43:18-19 ESV\n
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#StartingOver, #Healing, #Coronavirus

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-19T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/19/day-we-are-in-the.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","New Ideas","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/13/day-and-the-gaslighting-begins.html", "title": "Day 28: And the Gaslighting Begins", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Gaslighting...watch for it.
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This is probably going to be the darkest post I’ve ever written to you. It’s dark...but it’s not without hope. It’s not without love or light or promise. It is merely my observation and it has been weighing heavy on my heart the last few days. When something sits in me like that, I know I’m supposed to write about it, so here goes.

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Humans like security. We don’t like change. When change is thrust upon us, we want everything to go back to normal as soon as possible. I learned as a new widow that life will move forward, but it will never be the same. At first, that devastated me. Then time and experience showed me that just because it’s different, doesn’t mean it can’t also be good again.

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I read an article over the weekend about gaslighting and the pandemic. People are going to want the world to go back to the way it was and Madison Avenue has deep pockets. They’re going to start rolling out things that are going to make you doubt what you’ve seen with your own eyes. They’re going to make it look like this virus wasn’t really what you thought it was. They might even pretend it never happened. That it was all faked to scare you. It’s going to make you feel crazy.

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You aren’t crazy.

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Remember what you saw. Remember the pictures and the stories and the pleas for help. Remember that, if the death toll doesn’t add up to the numbers originally predicted, it doesn’t mean the virus was faked or blown out of proportion. It means the steps we took by socially distancing ourselves and using proper hygiene worked. The steps worked.

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It’s easier to believe someone went overboard than it is to believe that a worldwide pandemic brought the world to a standstill. 

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It’s easier to say maybe we misunderstood what someone said than to believe they actually said such frightening things. 

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This is an adjustment phase we are coming into. Another layer of the onion this pandemic has set in our laps. We are going to see things we never dreamed we could possibly see in our country. It’s going to be frightening. It’s going to be confusing. But it doesn’t have to overcome us. 

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Instead of focusing on the unwanted changes, what would happen if we focus on some of the changes we aren’t even looking at. 

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Children are learning that electronics are tools for education instead of mindlessly whiling away hours focused on violent video games.

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Families are gathering around the table every day...teaching, learning, creating, eating, praying.

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We are learning to appreciate what is really important. We are learning new skills. We are getting mom’s old sewing machine out and making masks for people to use when they have to go out. We are teaching children to care for others in the process. 

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We are slowing down and breathing. The environment is recovering. The earth is actually becoming quiet inside...it’s not vibrating like it was with all the heavy manufacturing and traffic. There are places in the world where you can see mountains that haven’t been seen in decades because of pollution. National Parks are closed to traffic so plants and animals will start to recover. Streams will run more pure. 

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Maybe when things open up, more people can work from home and keep the traffic down and give the earth a chance to heal.

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I heard a woman on CBS Sunday Morning yesterday. She said that maybe the NEXT “greatest generation” is being raised now. Maybe they will see what happened and learn better ways of doing things. Maybe they will take the stumbling blocks we have placed before them and turn them into stepping stones. Maybe they will find the cures and the ways of dealing with pandemics that will avoid disasters like this.

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None of these things will happen if we let them downplay the seriousness of the pandemic. We must not forget this, as much as we would like to.

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There are brighter days ahead, I assure you. They will be different, certainly...but they can be good.

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I read this week that Bible sales are skyrocketing. People are praying and meditating and practicing their individual faiths. People who haven’t had any faith are coming to find a faith of their own. For me, my faith is in God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I find great hope and comfort knowing that God never changes. Everything in the world will change. Everything. But God never does and He is with me always. He loves me and wants to prosper me and give me a rich and full life. Does that mean it’s going to be cushy and easy and nothing but a party? Heck no! 

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We have this promise:

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2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

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Stand on this when you see the scary things. Just please...don’t forget they happened. We owe that to the brave souls standing on the front lines. The soldiers in this battle wear scrubs and uniforms, aprons and overalls, blue jeans and sweatpants. They’re nurses and doctors, therapists and technicians, cooks and housekeepers, trash men and sanitary workers, grocers and farmers, teachers and parents.

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Take your fear and turn it into determination. Take your uncertainty and turn it into skills. Take your weary heart and turn it over and trust for better days.

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And...know you are loved beyond measure.

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❤️

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\n

“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

\n2 Timothy 1:7 ESV\n
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Note: This is not a political post, whatsoever. It’s an observation of the human state of being during a time of crisis.

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-13T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/13/day-and-the-gaslighting-begins.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Warning"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/04/12/day-an-easter-well-never.html", "title": "Day 27: An Easter We’ll Never Forget", "content_html": "\n
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This is an Easter we’ll not likely forget.
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I was ten years old when JFK was assassinated and I remember every detail of that day...and the days and weeks after. That event changed my life by taking away the innocent idea that everything is good in the world. Martin Luther King. Bobby Kennedy. The Challenger explosion. 9/11. All monumentally bad things that happened and changed the world in an instant. 

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Life went on after each one, but I’ll bet most of us remember where we were and what we were doing when they happened. The thing the past can teach us is...things change. Things can be really bad. But they’ll be ok again. Albeit a different kind of ok...but ok nonetheless.

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I look back over the Easters in my life. There were a lot of them that didn’t hold any meaning to me other than the Easter Bunny bringing candy and colorful eggs to my kids...even when we were living a Jewish life. Because, in my house, it was ME making the choice to become Jewish and you don’t take Santa and the Easter Bunny away from a five year old. 

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The Easters that had meaning to me during my childhood were when we went to Grandma’s little white church on the hill. We came back to her house and had a big supper and pigged out on candy. I remember one particular Easter, my paternal grandmother baked me a bunny cake that was so clever. And someone made my grandma a sugar egg that you could peek inside and see the Easter Bunny delivering eggs.

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Before Mr. Virgo died, we went to Mass for Easter but he always had to work the holidays, so again...not so memorable.

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It wasn’t till after Mr. Virgo died that I truly started to feel the true meaning of Easter. Good Friday is so somber and solemn and sad. Then Easter bursts forth with Joy at the first rays of morning light. Ever since I found my church home, I have enjoyed Easter Services with my church family and this time it’s different. We have to listen to our pastor online like the majority of others. It’s not the same as being there, but it’s still corporate prayer.

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Easter has never changed. Whether we are in a building or not...THAT is not the church. WE are the church. Wherever two or more of you are gathered in His Name...there is love. If you are isolated and alone during this time...remember, you have the Holy Spirit dwelling within you so you are never truly alone. That was one of the biggest comforts to me when I became a widow.

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Yes...this is an Easter we will never forget. It’s a story we will share till the day we die. Things may seem dismal in the world. But Jesus overcame the world. It in with Him that I find my deepest Joy...even in the darkest of moments.

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May you all have a Blessed Easter. May you connect with loved ones on this day. And, may you find the peace that surpasses all understanding.

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He is Risen!

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❤️?❤️

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“Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance.”

\nJohn 20:1 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-04-12T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/04/12/day-an-easter-well-never.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Gratitude","Grace","God","Holiday","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/29/day-say-his-namenot-in.html", "title": "Day 13: Say His Name...Not in Vain", "content_html": "\n
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Sometimes a verse suddenly takes on new meaning.
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I was reading my devotional yesterday morning. I have to admit, I haven’t been as focused on my Bible reading as I should be as my attention is being drawn in every different direction. Now, more than at any other time...NOW is the most important time to sit with God and have those deep conversations that can bring such peace to a weary heart. So, I’m trying harder to corral my wandering ADD spirit and rein it back in.

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Yesterday’s devotion focused on Exodus 20:7...

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\n

“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.”

\nExodus 20:7 ESV\n
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If your grandma was like my grandma, you remember what happened if the exclamation “Oh, my God!” slipped out. You might have found yourself with a sliver of soap in your mouth or a swat on the behind...or worse, the shame of disappointing your favorite champion. 

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As I got older and thought I was oh-so-wise, I drifted away from that fuddy-duddy old church because I thought I knew better than they did. I was crude and crass and ugly in many, many ways. And OMG slipped out as easily as far too many other epithets. My ears burn when I think of the things my children heard coming out of my mouth. Eventually, I woke up and got it together. But I still relate Exodus 20:7 to using the Lord’s name to swear. That is, until I read my devotional yesterday morning.

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Isn’t it wonderful when you read a verse you’ve read a hundred times and it suddenly means something completely different? 

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The premise is this:

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When we become a Christian, we take on God’s name and wear it as our identity. If we do not “walk the talk”, our behavior doesn’t reflect what we are proclaiming with our mouths. In this way, we take the name of the Lord in vain because we aren’t being honest...with Him, with each other, and with ourselves. I found that to be an interesting perspective and thought I would share it with you today.

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Church is still online. I read something the other day that said this time of working remotely may change the way we do business in the future. We used to think going to the office was the best way. But maybe it isn’t. Maybe if more people can work remotely, pollution can be cut down which would positively impact our environment. I don’t know about teaching at home...especially for young children. Learning socialization skills is just as important as math and spelling.

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One thing that won’t be replaced is gathering together in places of worship. I’ve enjoyed hearing my pastor online, but it just cannot replace the community bond of corporate worship. We will continue to learn and grow and evaluate what changes we can make in our way of life that will better the world. There will always be resistance to change, but change can be for our own as well as the greater good.

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❤️

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“Who can discern his errors? Declare me innocent from hidden faults.”

\nPsalms 19:12 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/29/day-say-his-namenot-in.html", "tags": ["Faith","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/21/day-five-love-in-the.html", "title": "Day Five: Love in the Time of CoVid", "content_html": "\n
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Blackberry pie...sunshine in a slice!
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Thankfully we didn’t need to venture to town yesterday. Instead, we took a drive over to the farm to check in. Oh...what an amazingly warm day it was. I actually saw the thermometer at 79! All was well at the home place. The daffodils are blooming as are the forsythia and the flowering quince. The irises are shooting their flat, sword-like blades out from the wet, awakening earth. As you drive out through the country, the bushes along the roadsides are gaining a green, ghostly hue as the leaves begin to form.

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This is rockslide season and we saw evidence of several...one was actually encroaching on the road. The highway crew hadn’t gotten to it yet. It is supposed to get chilly again this weekend and then I wouldn’t be surprised if we stay in the high 50’s, low 60’s for a while. I don’t think there’s much of a chance of having another freeze this spring.

\n\n\n

Speaking of spring, with all the madness going on in the world, I totally missed the first day of spring! It’s here...even though it is highly overshadowed this time.

\n\n\n

I read something yesterday that someone shared. It was a letter to the humans from the vantage point of the CoVid-19 virus. It spoke of how we haven’t been paying attention. We have been so busy chasing after stuff and working to achieve a lifestyle that is unsustainable, that finally the earth broke. There were horrific wildfires and we looked on with morbid curiosity and counted our blessings it wasn’t us. There were deadly hurricanes and we sighed and looked on with a tinge of sadness at the devastation. Then our attention shifted elsewhere and the thoughts and prayers were replaced with the next thing in the news cycle.

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We as a people are so self-centered. We look out for number one. Maybe, just maybe this virus swooped in to get our attention...to wake us up to the devastation around us. To how unhealthy the world has become. And if the world is unhealthy, WE are unhealthy.

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I saw a picture of a mega freeway in Los Angeles. There were eight cars on it. I think someone said it hadn’t seen that little traffic since the Watts Riots of 1965. I commented that maybe Mother Earth is going to be able to catch her breath. Maybe the skies will clear. Maybe the sun will shine a little brighter. Maybe the waters will freshen a little. Maybe the pH in the rain will normalize and the fish will flourish.

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Maybe the quiet stillness will give us time to stop the frenetic pace we have set for ourselves and we can really connect with our family members...even if it’s through a window or over the phone or FaceTime. I’ve already noticed more caring for each other. Children are checking in with their parents to see how they’re doing. They are offering to run errands or go to the store. Strangers are helping strangers. 

\n\n\n

This is a time like no other we have faced. But, our grandparents and great grandparents were called to war. They were bombed and food was rationed. They grew victory gardens and knitted socks for troops. All we are being asked to do is stay home. While the threat of the disease itself is terribly disconcerting, we can do things to help prevent the spread.

\n\n\n

I’ve heard the youngsters say, “Ah, it’s not going to affect me. It’s just the Boomers.” Well, first of all, no. It’s not just the Boomers. They are finding people much younger than they first thought are getting sick and some seriously. And...who do you think those Boomers (and the generation or so after them) are? They are the doctors, scientists, financial wizards, farmers...the experts. The ones who hold the keys to a great deal of knowledge. Those who say they’re “just Boomers” had better learn a whole lot pretty darned quickly.

\n\n\n

I’m having nightmares. I rarely remember dreams, but I’m having dreams of death and dying. Too much news. Too much information. I had to step back and stop watching as much of it. I have to limit myself to a half hour of news a day. Just to stay up to speed with any breaking news. To counteract the bombardment of bad news, I’m putting in twice as much good.

\n\n\n

Yesterday, I baked a pie. I went to the farm and sat in my grandma’s chair. I did an hour of meditation/yoga on Facebook Live with my dear Earth Mother yogi friend, Sue in Colorado. I snuggled the kitty. I walked around our property with Mr. FixIt. I made BBQ pulled pork sandwiches for supper and pie for dessert. And I spent time studying my bible devotionals. It was a good day...even though the virus is creeping closer.

\n\n\n

My God is bigger than any virus. He’s bigger than any of my stuff. When I remember who’s in charge here and how this story ends, even if I caught the virus and went to Heaven...I win. Because HE won...and I put my faith in HIM. 

\n\n\n

I will not be afraid.

\n\n\n

I will not be afraid.

\n\n\n

I will not be afraid.

\n\n\n

You can watch my friend Sue’s movement meditation video here.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”

\nPsalms 19:14 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-21T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/21/day-five-love-in-the.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/03/16/what-happens-if-nothing-happens.html", "title": "What Happens if Nothing Happens?", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
This is what most of our stores looked like this weekend. It won’t always be this way.
\n\n\n

We’ve been listening intently to the news. We’ve followed every story, listened to every nightmarish tale, seen and heard things we wish we’d never seen or heard. We’ve pillaged the stores in a way that would make a Viking proud. We’ve hoarded toilet paper, hand sanitizer, gloves, masks, and cleaners. Our pantries are stocked with everything from diapers to donuts. We’ve got every medicine available for every eventuality. The schools are closed. The stores are cutting back hours to give the staff enough time to restock. The hospitals are rationing supplies and making contingency plans for every possible scenario. And so...we wait.

\n\n\n

We are socially distancing ourselves. We are staying home...away from crowds and germs. We are binge watching every series on Netflix that sparks our interest. We are learning new skills. We are putting away food and reading. We are checking in on those who might need our help. We are watching church online or on television. We are reaching out with phone calls and texts and, dare I say...handwritten letters.

\n\n\n

And...we wait.

\n\n\n

And wait some more.

\n\n\n

What happens if...after we’ve waited and waited and sacrificed and been inconvenienced... What happens if...nothing happens? No big surge of disease. No drastic sudden influx of all these “hundreds of thousands of sick people?”

\n\n\n

I’ll tell you what SHOULD happen. We should breathe a HUGE sigh of relief because it means what we did...WORKED. It means we flattened the curve. It means we sacrificed our usual routines and made the most of it and we saved countless lives. 

\n\n\n

I know there will be a bunch of us who do that very thing. We’ll high five and say “Well done!” We’ll thank everyone in healthcare and the service industries. We will do our best to boost up the mom and pop business that took a hit from the shutdowns. We will praise our health officials who made difficult and unpopular decisions. And hopefully, we’ll remember to thank God for never leaving us in our darkest hours.

\n\n\n

If we have an ounce of forethought...a shred of decency...a touch of humanity we WON’T be that person who stands up and screams that it was all a hoax. That the whole thing was conjured up to throw an election or to make any one person or party look bad. That is petty. We must be better than that. 

\n\n\n

If we gain anything...just one tiny thing from this whole meshugas...it’s that we start looking for the humanity in each other again. We need to start finding love and kindness again. We need to remember...we may be different wings, but we’re flying the same bird here. Please, for the love of God...let’s turn something that’s potentially terrible into something that helps us see the divine in each other.

\n\n\n

Let’s let the legacy of the coronavirus be compassion.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.”

\nColossians 3:12-15 ESV\n
\n\n\n

\n\n", "date_published": "2020-03-16T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/03/16/what-happens-if-nothing-happens.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/28/comfort-vs-bravery.html", "title": "Comfort vs. Bravery", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
We were called to be BRAVE!
\n\n\n

It’s so easy to slip into the “comfort zone”. Once you’re there, you definitely want to stay. There have been so many times I’ve been yanked out of my comfort zone...kicking and screaming. And every single time, I’ve grown bigger and better because of it.

\n\n\n

When I was uncomfortably ensconced in a “Behavioral Unit” after the overdose, I went from reading Harry Potter to my daughter at night to harsh lights, loud voices, scary people, and a strictly supervised environment. I remember telling someone I felt like a slug on a hot griddle. The cells in my brain felt like they were sizzling. I was most definitely uncomfortable, but I discovered an inner warrior I had never really known.

\n\n\n

When Mr. Virgo and I were driving to pick out a camper for our retirement, we basked in the comfort of our loving relationship...holding hands, sharing stories, making plans. When he suffered a massive heart attack and died within three hours, my world crashed and comfort became a foreign concept I wasn’t sure I would ever return to. People said... “You’re so brave!” My response was, “It’s amazing what you can do when you have no other choice.” I became more empathetic and compassionate and confident with time. And infinitely braver.

\n\n\n

Then, Mr. FixIt uttered those words. 

\n\n\n

“There’s something happening here I have to tell you about. I’m feeling numb and tingly on one side.”

\n\n\n

Instant discomfort. Fear. Panic. Explosive heart rate. Waves of nausea. 

\n\n\n

I’d been there before. While not necessarily a frequently visited territory, it WAS in my memory banks and I’d been there before. I knew there was a file card placed somewhere that said, “What to do in an emergency.” I just had to stop and take a deep breath and pull it out.

\n\n\n

“Be BRAVE!”

\n\n\n

Yep, that’s what that card said alright. Think. Think. Think. How do you DO that?

\n\n\n
    \n
  1. Breathe
    2. \n
  2. Check your OWN pulse first. (In other words, calm down.)
    3. \n
  3. Evaluate the situation.
    4. \n
  4. Take appropriate action.
    5. \n
\n\n\n

In my case, after all four steps were successfully accomplished, I moved on to my next step.

\n\n\n

5)   Excuse yourself from the room and throw up.

\n\n\n

Ok, four out of five is pretty good, I think. After all, you can throw up and still be brave. In the past, I would have chastised myself for being a weenie. I would have thought of myself as being inadequate...incapable of controlling myself...weak. Absolutely NOT true.

\n\n\n

I came out of this with a new appreciation for my body and my mind. I was scared. It’s ok to be scared. I couldn’t control what was happening. It’s ok to be out of control because, in all actuality...I’ve never been IN control of anything outside of myself. And sometimes that doesn’t work like I’d like it to. I was challenged. We all have challenges. 

\n\n\n

Here’s what I wasn’t...

\n\n\n

I wasn’t defeated. I wasn’t weak. I wasn’t incapable. And, I wasn’t alone.

\n\n\n

I was brave.

\n\n\n

It’s the same thing I told people after Mr. Virgo passed away. It’s amazing what you can do when you have no other choice. I do, however, have a spike in my blood pressure right now and I’m monitoring that. I haven’t had high blood pressure since Hubby #2 and I split up. Stress does crazy things to your body. 

\n\n\n

Mr. FixIt continues to improve and feel stronger every day. The numbness has reduced to only his left hand. We are hoping it continues to subside. If that’s the worst thing that came of this, we are truly blessed. He’s sleeping well, eating right, getting the rest he needs, and adjusting to his new circumstances.

\n\n\n

This is my “Feel Good Friday” post...because, it’s been a week since his stroke, and we’re feeling pretty darned good right now.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.””

\nDeuteronomy 31:6 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-28T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/28/comfort-vs-bravery.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/25/uncharted-territory.html", "title": "Uncharted Territory", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
I often awaken to his hand on my shoulder. I covet this moment.
\n\n\n

There is nothing like a health scare to shake you up....wake you up. After losing Mr. Virgo the way I did, my fear level Friday night isn’t surprising. But, now we’re here...we’re home...we’re processing. We’re walking on eggshells a little bit...feeling our way out on the ice to make sure it’s solid beneath us.

\n\n\n

I’m trying not to be hyper-vigilant. Mr. FixIt is trying not to worry me. We both slept the deep sleep of exhaustion and relief on Sunday night. We had a very laid back day yesterday. We didn’t even get out of our jammies. We ate and slept and watched movies. We smiled and kissed and hugged a lot...because we can.

\n\n\n

We’ll keep a low profile for another day or so. But then, it’s back in the saddle...albeit at a bit more slower pace. Look...we both have health issues. We aren’t 37 anymore. Waking up to that...getting our heads out of the sand...is important. It reminds us to be present in each moment. We don’t have the time to waste anymore. 

\n\n\n

Yes, we’re a little sad. And, we’re more than a little scared. But...we can’t walk on eggshells forever. We can’t stop living. We just have to be watchful and live our best lives. So, we made follow up appointments. And we looked at vacation rentals to extend our April beach trip by an extra week. Leaving him and going off on solo adventures might take me a while to get comfortable with. We’ll just have to see.

\n\n\n

Like I said...it’s uncharted territory. Deeper conversations will come as to how we will navigate it. But for now, we are just resting easy and feeling ever so grateful that this wasn’t any worse. Mr. FixIt felt much better yesterday. Thank you all so much for your kind words of love and support and, of course, for your many heartfelt prayers. We appreciate them so much!

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

\nPsalms 118:24 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-25T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/25/uncharted-territory.html", "tags": ["Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Gratitude","Love","God","Aging","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/24/in-sickness-and-in-health.html", "title": "In Sickness and In Health", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Chillin’ with Mr. FixIt, waiting to hear from the doctor.
\n\n\n

I take my vows very seriously. To love and cherish. Always. In ALL ways. Nowhere was that more apparent to me than this weekend. 

\n\n\n

We are home. There’s no place like home.

\n\n\n

We are exhausted. Living on adrenalin and coffee with very little sleep will do that.

\n\n\n

We are blessed. We know full well this could have been MUCH worse.

\n\n\n

We are disappointed and angry (on a very selfish, base, childish level.) Why did this have to happen to us??? ***stomping foot***

\n\n\n

We are confused. Where did this come from? Mr. FixIt takes exceptionally good care of himself.

\n\n\n

Why us? Which is stupid. Why NOT us? 

\n\n\n

Anyway, the second MRI with contrast shows Mr. FixIt had a second stroke. We don’t know when the first one was. But there was a time about a year and a half ago that I noticed he was talking like he had a mouth full of marbles. It got better, but he continued to mumble. I wrote it off as colloquialism. They made some changes in his meds. The numbness seems to be leaving, praise God!

\n\n\n

We are looking at it as a wake up call to really start taking care of ourselves. We are far too young to start rocking on the front porch all day. We ARE going to take it easy this week, though.

\n\n\n

Thank you all so much for your love and support and the hundreds and hundreds of prayers.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

\nHebrews 4:16 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/24/in-sickness-and-in-health.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","God","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/02/17/finding-a-firm-foundation.html", "title": "Finding a Firm Foundation", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
Building on a firm foundation ensures you can weather any storm.
\n\n\n

I grew up believing there was a God, but I never had a relationship with Jesus until 2004. None of my relationships, decisions, or experiences were built on a firm foundation of faith. Pastor Justin spoke yesterday about building your foundation on solid rock, standing on it firmly, and believing there is a KING inside you. Recognizing that power and owning it is something I never experienced until after Mr. Virgo died.

\n\n\n

Those who build their lives on a firm foundation can weather the storms of life...even when they don’t believe they can. Even when they feel God is far, far away. I can attest to that. The hurricane that overtook me when I became a widow rocked me to the soles of my feet. Yet they remained steady...planted firmly on the solid rock of faith.

\n\n\n

This was not the case in the ‘90s. The storm came and I held onto my house of sticks on the sand with all I had. I tied a rope around my waist and lashed it to my husband, my kids, my bank account, my house...then my drugs and my cocktails. The winds blew with such force and waves lashed at my feet till they finally cut the sand out from under me...just like the ocean does when you stand in the waves. Before I knew it...the rope broke and I was cast out into the tumultuous waves and nearly was lost forevermore. It was quite evident to anyone looking that I built my house on sand.

\n\n\n

When I had the chance for a do-over...I humbled myself and begged for mercy. I negotiated with God to let me do it this way, or that way...but He stood firm and showed me there was only His way if I wanted to go on this ride with Him. I was bone weary from trying to juggle it all on my own. I wanted to walk on the water WITH Him. So, I did the work that needed to be done. I read the Bible. I listened to praise music. I changed my “playground” and the friends I met there. I found a church family. I married someone who went to church with me, even though we were not quite equally yoked. 

\n\n\n

This bared the stone on which I rebuilt my life and it’s been solid no matter how hard the wind has blown. One of the worship songs yesterday was “Bigger Than I Thought You Were”. I loved the lyrics. It speaks of stopping the negotiations. But the two lines I loved most were in the chorus. 

\n\n\n

“I will rest in the Father’s hands...Leave the rest in the Father’s hands”

\n\n\n

That has a couple of meanings to me. I will rest in His hands and leave all the rest of my worries and cares in his hands. But, in line with what we’ve been discussing the last few days concerning forgiveness, “leave the rest” can be interpreted as “stop trying to control others...leave them in God’s hands.” After all, he is SO much bigger than I ever thought He was.

\n\n\n
\n[youtu.be/o9YnFjsc2...](https://youtu.be/o9YnFjsc2XY)\n
\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;”

\n1 Corinthians 6:19 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-02-17T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/02/17/finding-a-firm-foundation.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/27/when-addiction-is-a-good.html", "title": "When Addiction is a GOOD Thing", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“My new background on my lock screen. Please feel free to save it and use it on your own phones.”
\n\n\n

Whooooo...church was on fire yesterday! Pastor Justin talked about addiction. We are addicted to SO many things. We’re addicted to needing people to like us. Just look at how people cling to the number of “likes” on that selfie they posted to social media. We’re addicted to TV, gambling, smoking, eating, NOT eating, exercise, shopping, pornography, alcohol, drugs...heck, we’re addicted to OURSELVES. We’re just that important.

\n\n\n

In 1 Corinthians 16:15, the King James Version states members of the house of Stephanas have addicted themselves to the ministry of the saints. It is the one and only time the word “addicted” appears in the Bible. The Latin origin of the word addiction means a “giving over, surrender”. It has only been in modern times that addiction has come to be known in a totally negative light in relation to evils best avoided.

\n\n\n

What does it mean to be “addicted to the ministry of the saints”? What does that look like? It’s the difference between just DOING something...and being ON FIRE for it. You can go to church...most Sundays. You can read the Bible...when you’re not too busy. You can refrain from gossiping....except when it’s just too good to pass up. Or, you can be so addicted you crave more of God. Being addicted to the ministry means you go to bed thinking about how you can better serve, you wake up thinking about reading your daily devotions, you offer up prayers during the day in a running conversation with God.

\n\n\n

I’ve noticed I’ve fallen into a bad habit. I was reading the “Bible-in-a-Year” plan in the Bible app on my phone. About two months ago, things got busy with the holidays and fixing up the bathroom and getting home from the big camping trip and I stopped reading it. Then, I stopped reading any bible verses in the mornings. I still read at night, but not in the morning. And I have noticed negative repercussions from it. I’m shorter tempered. I’m not quite as full of grace. I’ve felt it...but I needed to get that “God-sized” kick in the rear.

\n\n\n

A reader commented last week about going to the Throne before the phone. That really resonated with me. Then yesterday, Pastor talked about the addictions we face that don’t serve God. I have a friend who is an artist so I went on his page and found a photo of a cross on a church in the sunset and saved it on my phone. Then I used my editing app...Over Pro...and created a background for the lock screen on my phone. Now, when I reach for my phone every morning as I always do...I’ll see this message. Thank you, KB! And thank you God...for the gentle reminder!

\n\n\n

If you care to, you can watch Pastor Justin’s message here.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“I beseech you, brethren, (ye know the house of Stephanas, that it is the firstfruits of Achaia, and that they have addicted themselves to the ministry of the saints,)”

\n1 Corinthians 16:15 KJV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-27T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/27/when-addiction-is-a-good.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/24/recruiting-allies.html", "title": "Recruiting Allies", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“Recruiting allies in a disgruntled relationship is harmful to all involved.”
\n\n\n

When Hubby #2 and I hit the final skids of what had become a hopeless mess of a marriage, we each heavily invested ourselves in the gathering of allies. We trash-talked each other...not only in person, but among our friends, family, and community at large. Anyone who might choose a side were fair game. It’s no wonder so many people retreated and left us BOTH alone.

\n\n\n

The one area I drew the line was talking bad about each other in front of the kids. THAT was off limits. It occurred for a while initially, but soon was nipped in the bud as something that was not only painful and unpleasant, but it was downright destructive and unfair to the children.

\n\n\n

When you are in the throes of a painful divorce or major upheaval in any relationship, recruiting allies is a thoughtless way to self-soothe. “Misery loves company” but hindsight being what it is...I’d much rather have had the company of others because they genuinely care about me and not because I tried to split loyalties. 

\n\n\n

We were talking in small group last night about controlling our thoughts. I know I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time, but I sure wish I had been more “enlightened”...more “mature” when we went through all that. I know it would have been easier on me and my family.

\n\n\n

We all have situations where we may not like someone, but rallying the troops against them isn’t healthy in the long run...for anyone involved. 

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

\nPhilippians 4:8-9 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/24/recruiting-allies.html", "tags": ["God","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/15/listendo-you-hear-that.html", "title": "LISTEN...Do You Hear That?", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
If you get too far away from the Signal, you can’t hear the Words.
\n\n\n

Yesterday we talked about selective hearing loss. How sometimes it behooves us to be a little deaf. There are plenty of instances in which NOT listening can improve our lives. Not listening to God is not one of them.

\n\n\n

You know when you are on a trip and you’re listening to the radio? You find a great station and for a while, you hear it really clearly. Then, the further you get away from the radio signal, the more static and white noise comes from the speakers.

\n\n\n

Listening to God is like that, too. We get too far away from Him and we can’t hear Him clearly anymore. But, if we lean in and really listen, our frequencies align and we can hear Him calling to us. We can have conversations with Him. It’s all He has ever wanted from us really. Just to walk alongside us, hold our hand, and have a nice conversation.

\n\n\n

We’re too busy. We’re too scattered. We’re spread too thin. And what if we DO hear something we think can only come from Him? Is this from God? I mean, I think it is...but, is it REALLY? We don’t often feel WORTHY to hear from God personally. He’s a Dad, though. Yeah...He’s a Dad who happens to be King of the Universe...but he still knows who you are. He knows your dreams and your desires.

\n\n\n

Last month, I happened to catch a story on the local news. They have a new studio At WSAZ and have added an hourlong talk show before the news where they report special interest stories. When I saw that, I sent up a silent prayer and asked God to get me on that show so I could talk about this Raffle Trailer and the Girl Campers and the OH/WV Chapter.

\n\n\n

Yesterday, I got a call from a friend in Huntington who is an RV Dealer. She had just gotten off the phone with WSAZ and they needed someone to come to Huntington to be on the show. 

\n\n\n

THE show!

\n\n\n

Wow.

\n\n\n

So...God and I are taking a road trip to Huntington today, with the camper, to record a couple segments for the show. If you’re in the viewing area, try to catch it at 4:00PM on Thursday. I’ll see if I can get a link and post it for you here.

\n\n\n

I’m no more special than the average schmo on the street. I don’t have some sort of privilege or the number of God’s “back line”. I just stand close...and listen. And when I hear something, I obey. If I am wrong, I made a mistake. It’s a new day tomorrow. I just keep listening.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”

\nRevelations 3:20 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-15T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/15/listendo-you-hear-that.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/13/when-god-tells-you-to.html", "title": "When God Tells You to Do Something...DO IT!", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
“When a Resolution becomes a Revolution”
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Here I am. It’s Monday. It’s been two weeks since my self-imposed schedule change here on the blog. And, ever since I made the change, my inner being has been in an uproar. Like static electricity on the radio and I couldn’t quite make out what was being said. It was driving me buggy.

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Over the last two weeks, I’ve stopped and gotten still and listened. I’ve prayed about it. And I wasn’t getting anything. It seemed as though my direct line to the Holy Spirit had been disconnected and I didn’t like it one bit. Still...I persevered. I’d made a decision, after all.

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Then, yesterday at church, I had one of those remarkable moments that is so God-driven that I kept laughing out loud during the sermon. (Good thing it’s a really contemporary service and there’s a lot of interaction during services.)

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I love it when I get those Instagrams from God...when He shows you a very clear picture and speaks to you through the Holy Spirit and it’s clear and real and unmistakable. The sermon was about being good.

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“Being good is good, until it’s not good enough anymore.”

\nPastor Justin Enoch - Warehouse Church\n
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Pastor Justin gave the example of the invention of the telephone. There was the crank on the wall and the party line. It was good, but it soon became apparent that it wasn’t good enough. There was the wall phone, then the cordless phone, then the portable phone in the bag, then the true cell phone, then the many incarnations of that till we got to the smart phones. And the smart phones will be good...until they aren’t good enough anymore.  

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We can be good. Just good. Good enough. Or, we can go the extra mile, do the extra work, and bring God’s greatness through us into our works. And THAT is great! Pastor Justin reminded us we all have greatness within us. We all have the ability to do great things. We all have a calling. God has given each one of us a gift and a purpose and a personal directive. Will we pick that up? Or will we settle for just good?

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I suddenly had a revelation. I set myself a resolution for the first of the year when what I needed was a REVOLUTION! Do you remember the story about me sitting in church and getting the message that I had to put scriptures in my posts? God gave me a purpose...a job...and I obeyed. Then I eventually got a little burned out and overwhelmed and I decided to step away. I’m glad I did, because it has given me clarity, which opened me up to be able to hear...THIS was my assignment. THIS is my ministry. THIS is my blessing. THIS is my opportunity to share what God does for me.

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It’s the REST of the writing that needs to be second place. 

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So...here I am. I’m back. I’ve rediscovered my purpose.

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I really missed being here with you all every morning.

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Thanks for waiting.

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❤️

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“that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him,”

\nEphesians 1:17 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2020-01-13T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2020/01/13/when-god-tells-you-to.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2020/01/12/rainy-daya-windy-winter.html", "title": "Rainy Day...A Windy Winter", "content_html": "\n
“A Rainy, Windy Winter Day”
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After living in my home state of West Virginia full time since 2016, I’ve begun to become familiar with the weather patterns. They are vastly different here than in Colorado. The forty years I lived there taught me to watch the far horizon for an oncoming storm. Here in West Virginia, we watch the light and listen for the sound of wind and rain in the surrounding woodlands.

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The sky gets very heavy and dark before a storm here, and the low lying cloud cover scuds along rapidly. When the trees are leafed out, the leaves will actually turn over as an indicator of a coming storm. Mr. FixIt and I decided to go to the park and walk yesterday. The forecast was for rain at 7-ish. Since it was only 4:00, we thought we had plenty of time to walk before the rain. On our way to the park, there were a few drops on the windshield. But, the closer we got to 4:30, the darker it got and there were bands of darker clouds that were so low, you felt you could touch them. I turned to Mr. FixIt.

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“Those clouds look pretty ominous to me,” I said, eyeing the leaves beginning to skitter across the road in front of us. 

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“Well, maybe we’d better duck in the Dollar General for a bit.” He pulled into the parking lot and we made a dash for the door.

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We had a couple of things to pick up so we were wandering down one of the aisles when we heard a roar and the building vibrated a little. Suddenly, the lights went out and the skies opened with a fury. We were near the back of the store and we began hearing a roaring noise. The doors were blown wide open and wind blown rain was flying in. Suddenly, I remembered...I spent the afternoon out in the camper and I left the windows open! We made a dash back out to the truck and headed home. Fortunately, not much rain blew in and a little wiping up with a towel was all that was needed. 

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If you don’t recognize the signs, a storm so easily catches you by surprise and overtakes you. We learn that in grief, as well. I follow a lot of widowed writers on social media. There’s one particular woman whose husband passed quite suddenly some time before Christmas. She is a sweet, funny woman with a very wry sense of humor. When I read her writing, I can almost feel exactly where she is in her grieving. She makes jokes. She keeps things light. She says she is doing fine. I’ve been watching and waiting...for the next wave.

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When someone is floating through...slogging through...forcing one foot in front of the other and plastering on that “I’m fine” face, it doesn’t do a bit of good to tell them about the wave that’s coming. For one thing, she will not hear me. For another thing, she will not understand the intensity of what’s to come. 

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“It couldn’t possibly be as bad as what I’ve already been through, can it?”

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Yes, it can...worse even. But, do not lose hope with this. Because, if you face the pain, allow yourself to hear, feel, see, taste, touch every little part of it...healing begins. If you try to hold the river back with your bare hands...if you try to bale out the boat with a teaspoon, you can prolong things. At least, that is my experience.

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The only way out of any situation is through it. Be a keen observer. Watch for the weather changes. When you become a “meteorologist of grief”, you can detect the signs of an impending storm. And, just like a tornado, you can batten down the hatches and be more prepared for the onslaught...even when you live in a valley and can’t see the horizon.

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❤️

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“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.\"”

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Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV

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“Travel brings me comfort in an uncomfortable world.”
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Well, dear ones...this is it. The last day of the year. The last day of a decade. And oh...what a time it has been. At the beginning of it, I was happily married to Mr. Virgo...living in Denver and not much liking that part, except for being in close proximity to my children. Not that I got to see them much. I was very focused on my husband and didn’t see past the end of my nose. A major regret.

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Three years into this decade, my life stopped when Mr. Virgo died unexpectedly...and I set out to create a new life with a new me. I sold the only home I had ever owned on my own. I made some bad decisions...but I’ve also made some good ones. I’ve driven tens of thousands of miles. I settled into and lived in the home of my heart on a beautiful farm that’s been in my family for nearly ninety years.

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I’ve connected with some really wonderful people, and reconnected with people I’ve known for a lifetime. I’ve written hundreds of thousands of words as I poured out my grief and my heart and my love into the ether sphere. I married a man I initially set eyes on when I was six years old.

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I gained people. And...I lost people I loved dearly.

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I totaled a truck and escaped with nothing worse than a small brain bleed that left me struggling to remember things for a couple of years, which filled me with fear. This last year, things finally started to fire on all cylinders in my poor noggin and I feel more like myself than I have in a very long time.

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I’ve aged a hundred years in some ways. I’ve gotten much younger in others.

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I got a cat. Well...she got me.

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I gained a huge extended family and I’m now not only a grandma....I am a GREAT grandma to two little ones with a third one due any day now. I am a GiGi, to be exact. A Mom and a mother-in-law and a Nana and a GiGi. A sister and a friend and a wife. How cool is that?

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I went to Church Sunday night and Pastor Justin asked us to think about who we were before we were saved. In that moment, I realized THAT’S what has been hovering in the back of my mind as I contemplate the end of this decade. Because it was the beginning of the previous decade when my life very nearly came to an end.

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I let myself cry as the music wafted over me, the Holy Spirit covering...filling me with his Love. My life has moments of demarcation with lines in the sand marking the points between “before” and “after”. The overdose. My mom’s death. Finding Jesus. Meeting, then losing, Mr. Virgo.

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Finding ME.

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Finding love again.

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Marrying a wonderful man.

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All while traveling. I get bored being in the same place too long. I need to seek new horizons from time to time. I need to get away and “blow off some stink” every once in a while. I need to recharge...away from everyone and everything I know. I need to go where no one knows me and rest in the anonymity that comes with the unfamiliar. 

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I get uncomfortable when I become too comfortable. When things start to get too predictable, I need to shake things up. I tried to count how many houses and apartments I’ve lived in during my lifetime and I lost track. I crave change. Thank goodness I’m married to a very understanding man. It makes me easier to live with, I think.

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I don’t usually travel like I did this year...not since I was on the road with the camper after Mr. Virgo died. It was different this time. It was harder to be away from my sweetheart. Partly because I genuinely love being with him and partly because I’m older now and I have intimate experience with loss. Things have changed. There’s more to lose now. I’m not sure how much I’ll travel in the coming year...but I’m sure it won’t be quite like 2019.

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We’re heading out tonight for a family bowling party to ring in the New Year. I can’t remember the last time I bowled. I can’t remember the last time I was out past 10:00! I have to remind myself...I’m only 66. There will be plenty of time to lay down when I’m dead and gone, right?

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Maybe I can take a nap before we go.

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Happy New Year, my dear ones! If you are struggling, may 2020 bring you peace, prosperity, and good health. You are so loved.

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Thank you. Truly...thank you for being here all these years. I am eternally grateful for the connections I have made through this page.

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Be blessed!

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Ginny

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❤️

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“Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord, all the earth. Sing to the Lord, praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.”

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Psalms 96:1-3 NIV

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“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”

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Psalms 90:12 NIV

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“In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”

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Proverbs 16:9 NIV

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“When I’m Gone”...an Ode to a Decade:
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I remember the way I felt when the calendar turned from 2013 to 2014. Somehow, in my grief addled mind, I thought it would make things better. It would create distance between Mr. Virgo’s death and....the present. I thought maybe there would be magical power in being able to say “He died LAST year”...as if that space and time would somehow fix this dreadful suffering I was mired in.

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But it didn’t.

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The New Year dawned and the same horrible ache I felt in my heart, the same sense of fear and uncertainty I felt, was still there like a burning coal I could not set down. I think that realization made it even worse because I knew in my heart the only way “out” was “through”. And I was so weary of the pain.

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This is the seventh New Year. I thank God in every way that He carried me through the hell that was acute grief. I thank Him for leading me at every turn and held my forehead all those sleepless nights when all I could do was cry and throw up. I thank Him for bringing me to an excellent grief counselor who listened and knew how to help me with the PTSD brought about by watching the valiant efforts to save Mr. Virgo’s life.

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I thank Him for nudging me to pour my heart out on these pages and for giving me the words to do so. I thank Him for opening doors and giving me the courage to walk through them. I thank Him for blessing me with supportive and loving children and family who have stood by me every step of the way...even when I’ve been a pain in the caboose and they roll their eyes at some of my decisions.

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And, I thank Him for bringing Mr. FixIt into my life, along with a great big bonus family to add to my brood. I am so blessed to have this life and will never take it for granted.

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When I felt the winds of change blowing me in a new direction in my writing, a thought was formulating in the back of my mind that I couldn’t quite express. I was feeling a certain melancholy and couldn’t figure out why. What was the significance of this New Year over any other? Then, I saw this video and realized...I entered this decade with Mr. Virgo by my side...never dreaming he would be gone in such a short time. 

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It’s a big deal to be turning the page on not just a New Year, but on a new decade. The last seven-ish years have been spent healing and growing and learning how to live without him. Then learning how to open my heart wide enough to accept MORE love instead of closing it off for good.

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I’m entering new territory here...a decade Mr. Virgo will never experience. When this video popped up on my feed, I watched it and realized, it was released just before he died. It was an anthem I cried over. The lyrics slayed me and brought me much needed emotional release. As I rewatched it before I wrote this, the lyrics took on new meaning for me. In addition to the reminder of my past losses, there is another loss to contend with.

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Ever since I shared with you my desire to change my writing schedule here on my blog, you have shared with me what this space has meant to you along the way. I cannot close this door completely and just stop altogether. Because I still need this space as much as some of you have indicated you do. I’ve come to know and love you. I’ve cried with you, and prayed with you, and celebrated with you. I don’t know if I can ever express what joy you have brought me. What healing and comfort you shared that eased my broken heart.

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When I thank God for all He has done for me in this last decade, I thank Him so much for YOU. For giving me this space where we could help each other heal. Lift each other up. To laugh and cry and live and learn with each other.

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Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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For being here and helping me through the worst of times.

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And here we are...about to head into a new decade! What shall we learn? Where shall we go? What will God reveal to us in this mystical little place called Marshmallow Ranch?

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“When I’m Gone” by Joey and Rory Feek

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https://fbwat.ch/1V3CvhygTPjtgWSw

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❤️

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“ ‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.”

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Jeremiah 33:6 NIV

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“God sometimes sends us a wink to let us Know He’s the one in charge.”
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First...let me thank you all so much for your support and kind comments on yesterday’s post. It took me a lot of introspection and a lot of prayer to come to the realization that I needed to make a change in my writing schedule. The message I kept getting from God was “It’s time.” I’m the one that kept dragging my feet and trying to argue with Him. 

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I’m not one to really care about the numbers of followers on my blog, but it is an indicator of “how I’m doing” as far as hitting the ball out of the park. For the last year, my numbers have been flat which means as many people left as joined and that had never happened before. I know the content of the blog shifted a lot, but I still don’t think it was the entire story. The flat numbers was my first indicator that God was trying to tell me something.

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As I began to entertain the thought of change, God kept sending more and more validation that I was on the right path. Other opportunities continued to come up and I just couldn’t avoid it anymore. Then, to absolutely bring the point home....something really fun just landed in my lap yesterday. I’ll tell you more about it in a few weeks, but it was just such a blatant God wink that I literally laughed out loud and clapped my hands when I got out of the meeting.

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I’ll still be posting daily till the New Year. And, even after that, I’ll post encouragement frequently. Just shorter posts. These long posts can take three hours or more to write. I’m really torn...because I want to be here for you and I love being here for you...and for me.

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They say when one door closes, another opens. It doesn’t always happen so fast that it can’t be missed. Sometimes we have to wait and wait and wait. This is where Faith comes in...when we have to trust in God’s timing and not our own. I don’t claim to understand how it all works but, gosh...it really feels good when God winks at you.

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❤️

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

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Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

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“We should all seek to grow through our losses, and accept that change is all there is to do.”
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On March 12, 2013...my world as I knew it came crashing to an end. The future Mr. Virgo and I had planned ended right in front of me in the cold, sterile environment of a Colorado emergency room. Time stopped in that moment and I struggled to do the simplest of tasks...breathing was at the top of the list.

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I ever so slowly dragged myself along the jagged shards of grief till I could accomplish simple things like personal hygiene, taking care of paperwork, and eating proper meals. Each tiny step seemed monumental and yet my focus was never much further than the end of my nose. But, hours became days, weeks, months. And finally...years.

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When I look back on all of that now, I marvel that I survived. I also marvel at this new creation I have become. I am such a different version of myself than I was when Mr. Virgo was alive. I’m not at all sure he would like being married to the me I am now...although I have not a doubt that he would be ever so proud of what I have accomplished in a relatively short time.

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Relatively short...if you can call seven Christmases without him “short”. Time is tricky. It seems like yesterday. It seems like eternity. Sometimes, it seems like a dream that I even had him. I’ve learned this is common and it was one of the hardest things to accept. It meant I was growing. Not forgetting...but growing into this new life that I find myself living.

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And that’s where I’ve come to sit with you today...coffee in hand...to have a little chat. I’ve felt the winds of change whipping around my head for some time now. I’m not one to fear change. As a matter of fact, I embrace it. Good change, anyway. I find myself in a place now where I need to make some good changes. For me. For the people in my life whom I love and love me.

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I’ve written every day...almost every single day...for 2,471 days. That’s 6 years, 9 months, and 5 days...in case you’re wondering. I’ve given everything to this project...this Grief Journal...the Documentary of an Ordinary Life. I’ve spoken from my heart with honesty and what I hope was with empathy and grace. And now...I find myself at a crossroads.

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On the day Mr. Virgo died, God threw a pebble in the lake of my life and the ripples have expanded in ever broadening circles...touchIng, crossing, blending with the circles of others. He brought me a companion in Mr. FixIt. With him, God brought me a large extended family that adds to my own in Colorado. More children, grandchildren, and now great grandchildren to love and care for.

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He crossed my path with Janine Pettit who has not only been a dear friend and mentor, but has opened my world to greater opportunities than I could have envisioned. God has answered my prayers when I asked him to “expand my territory”...my circle of influence...to give me even more opportunities to share how He has touched my life. And to share what wisdom I have been graced with.

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There are big projects in the works on a national level which require more and more of my attention. One of which is the new OH-WV Girl Camper Chapter that I share with my dear friend, Gail Bable. We write stories about camping, the things we’ve learned, our favorite picks (parks, equipment, etc.) and local finds. We are essentially Ambassadors for Ohio and West Virginia Tourism as it relates to women travelers...be it camping or otherwise. I also write a series for them called Girl Camper Moments.

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There’s my book, which sits waiting for me to get back to it and breathe life into it so it may be born out into the world. There’s a second book, and a third, and....you get my drift. There’s writing to be done and there are only so many hours in the day in which to do it. I have worked so long and hard on Marshmallow Ranch to let it devolve into anything less than the level of quality you have come to expect...and deserve. This is where the growing pains come in.

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I have to make some changes.

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If I want to do what I feel God is calling me to do, then I have to learn to use my time wisely. Just as our finances belong to God and we must be good stewards of what He has entrusted us with, so too is the time He has graced us with in order to accomplish the purpose He has for us in this life. To that end, I have set up a “work schedule” for 2020. I will post here every Wednesday and every Sunday. I will continue “Sunday Evening Prayer Circle” as that has become such a moment of solace for me and for so many others I know. Then I can focus Friday on Girl Camper and turn the writing time I’ve been using into work time on the book. 

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I do hope you continue to follow along. It may take more work to find me. I'm not sure what Facebook will do to my algorithms if I don't post every day. I will post brief, encouraging photos and quotes frequently. I just won't be writing the long story posts every day we both have become accustomed to. I get as much...if not more...from my writing when I read your kind and encouraging comments. Your loyalty has not been lost on me and I am ever so grateful for all of you.

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And now, it's.....

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2020

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It's all about a new chapter.

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20/20

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It’s all about vision.

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With much love and gratitude...

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Ginny

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❤️

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“The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.””

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Matthew 13:22-23 NIV

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“Which gifts will you choose to open today?”
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Pastor Heather delivered a message yesterday that I felt was worthy to share with you...in my own words but using her foundation and premise. It’s about the “gifts” we find at our doorstep every morning and which ones we will choose to open.

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The other night, I was sitting in the living room, reading emails and preparing to write my post. The fire was going, the Christmas tree was lit, and carols played softly in the background. All was right with the world. I get a weekly email telling me all the grand and glorious skills Alexa can do for me and it’s fun to read what’s new. 

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I found out, I can ask her to read the latest sales on Amazon and, with a word, order something...sight unseen. Have you ever bought something and had it delivered to your door, only to discover it was a HUGE mistake? It looks hideous, it’s the wrong size or color, or...maybe...you just realized that spur of the moment purchase really wasn’t worth the money you spent. You either stuff it in a closet...NOT recommended...or you go through the laborious process of sending it back.

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Just like the ones from the UPS man...we get “gifts” delivered to our doorstep every single morning. Some we’ve ordered. Some we haven’t. Things like anger, depression, anxiety, insecurity, shame come right alongside joy, health, security, trust, peace, and confidence. And, every single morning, we have to decide...which boxes are we going to open and wear that day? Is it going to be an “Ugly Sweater of Shame Day” or a “God’s Got This Confidence Day”?

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Yes...I know. Depression is real. Anxiety is real. They are very real challenges and we don’t always have control in when they arrive, but we do have some control in how we wear them. Feelings don’t always serve us well and Pastor Heather stressed we should not make the decisions of our lives based on them. 

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I may not feel like doing my chores around the house. Neither may Mr. FixIt. But if we make the choice not to do our chores, the house will soon fill with dirty dishes, laundry, and garbage. There will be no food in the cupboards or no bills paid. Whether we like it or not, we have to do things. When we can hand things over to God and return to sender those boxes that do not serve us, we live beyond our feelings. And that’s where productivity and satisfaction lie.

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This IS a bit of an over simplification, but it is an extension of my thinking in yesterday’s post. I spoke about my memories of my father and how they relate to Christmas. I’ve decided not to wear the “Robe of Blame and Shame” that he continually gave me. I’m sending that one back.

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So...which boxes are YOU going to open today? And which ones will you be sending back?

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❤️

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“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”

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James 1:17 NIV

\n\n", "date_published": "2019-12-16T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/16/the-gifts-we-choose-to.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/10/love-to-the-rescue.html", "title": "Love to the Rescue", "content_html": "

\"Friends\" “One of my besties! Deneene and her sidekick, Griffen the Grey, came for a visit. She’s good for what ails ya!”

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I wrote in yesterday’s post about feeling “in the ditch”. I struggled for a few days with grief waves triggered by a traumatic loss in the family. Then, in swept my dear friend Deneene with lots of love and her trusty sidekick, Griffen the Grey. Griff is a nine month old French Bulldog who wriggled his way into my heart when we visited Deneene and her husband Mark in South Carolina this summer. 

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I had been greatly anticipating Deneene’s arrival for the last week and when she walk in the door, all the “holding it all in” released with her big bear hug. I had the gas stove in the family room fired up so it was nice and toasty. And I had the TV on with this really great ten hour YouTube fireplace video running in the background. We have a huge TV because the family room is huge. It used to be a two car garage, so if you want to read the fine print at the bottom of the screen, you need a big TV. When Deneene walked in, she said she could see the fire blazing from the road leading past our house. I was glad no one thought the house was on fire and called 911!

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We didn’t stay up too late and talk because my friend is a new grandma and had just spent a week at her daughter’s helping out with the new baby. She was pretty tired so we said goodnight early. Deneene is not a real morning person, so when Mr. FixIt and I woke up at 8:30, I told him to be really quiet so as not to wake her. I forgot that puppies get their mommies up really early and she had been waiting for US to get up and keeping Griffen quiet.

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When I heard them talking in the family room, I quickly dressed and went into the kitchen to cook breakfast. Scratch biscuits with homemade sausage gravy and eggs. OMGosh! It’s been forever since I fixed that and it was SO good. I made Paula Deen’s Cream Biscuits. They are love in the palm of your hand. Look up the recipe. Super easy! And sausage gravy couldn’t be easier to make than mine. Fry a pound of sausage till browned, sprinkle about a third of a cup of flour over it and stir till combined then slowly pour enough milk over it to loosed it up, adding more milk as it cooks, stopping when you get the right consistency. 

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As we sat and ooohed and ahhhed over the delicacy before us, we slathered butter and local orange blossom honey over the rest of the biscuits till there were just three left. I tucked them in a bag for Deneene to take with her to nibble on the road. Deneene raved over our hospitality and I told her it was the best B&B this side of the Mississippi…and it’s free!

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We said our WV goodbye. She announced she should be leaving. We told another story. She said she really should get going. We hugged and talked about when we would get to see one another again. She gathered up her things. I made sure she didn’t forget her biscuits. We walked to the door. We hugged again and declared it had been too long since the last visit and we shouldn’t wait so long next time. She double checked if she had everything. I asked if she needed a bottle of water for the road. She picked up her bags and we had another long hug at the door. As she walked through, we noticed she had set down the biscuits when she put on her coat so we retrieved them for her. If it hadn’t have been raining, we would have walked her to her truck and the goodbye would have lasted another fifteen to twenty minutes. Thus is the nature of goodbyes in the country. It’s a goodbye full of love!

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I called after her, “Don’t forget to text when you get there!” If it was dusk, I would have said, “Watch for deer!” That’s West Virginian for “I love you!”

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Deneene honked from the road as she drove by and I waved madly from the front window. And she was gone. My friend whom I helped through her own grief had come and returned the favor. I felt so much better after her visit. I have a big deadline to meet this week so after Deneene left, I packed up and went to the farm where I turned the TV to the same fireplace video. I survived another wave and I’m on to the next thing. Such is the nature of grief. It just gets incorporated into life and you move forward. Thank you for your support yesterday. You have no idea what that means to me. I wish everyone who grieves had cheerleaders like you to support them through their journey.

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❤️

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“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”\n

John 15:12 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-10T02:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/10/love-to-the-rescue.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Fun","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/09/in-the-ditch.html", "title": "In the Ditch", "content_html": "

\"Waves “You never know what will trigger grief…I’m just grateful it doesn’t come nearly as often as it used to.”

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Mr. FixIt called yesterday when he was on his way to our granddaughter’s baby shower. There was a wreck on our road. Someone had gone in the ditch, overcorrected, went across the road and ran into an abandoned house. I have to say, that road worries me. Whenever one of us goes to town without the other, we always text when we get there to alleviate the worry.

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One of my dearest friends in the whole world stopped at our house yesterday on her way home to South Carolina and spent the night. I was SO excited to see her. I met Deneene through Marshmallow Ranch a couple of years ago. She lost her husband about a year or so before we met and a mutual friend introduced her to my blog. Since she was local, I invited her out for coffee and it was one of those instant life long friendships forged on common ground.

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Before Deneene arrived, I baked an apple galette for a sweet treat. But, I have to say…my stomach has been in knots ever since I went to the viewing last Wednesday. I’ve been “in the ditch”. I’ve been to viewings and funerals since Mr. Virgo died. While none of them are easy, the only ones that really hit me hard are the “snatch deaths”…those sudden, unexpected deaths that snatch loved ones in an instant. It stirs up every bit of angst I thought I had put away long ago.

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Where I had been the comforter for Deneene when we first met…last night, she became mine. I poured out how fearful I become when a grief wave comes over me now. Fearful…because I tell myself I should be way past this. How can I tell Mr. FixIt about it? Will he walk away from me because he’s “had enough of this”? No, of course not. For one thing, it very rarely happens anymore. For another…he’s not that kind of guy. I should KNOW all this because this is what I do…I comfort others in their grief. I share stories of my own to let others know they aren’t alone. Yet, I tell myself…I should be over this by now, right?

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My sweet friend, so gentle and serene, calmly reminded me of what I told her back when we sat over coffee and shared our hearts for over four hours.

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“There IS no timetable for grief…remember? There IS no rule book. YOU told me that.”

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Yes…indeed. I did tell her that. I tell you that, too. And, I tell you I’ll always speak to you with an open, honest heart and tell you the truth about this grief journey…even when it is uncomfortable or ugly or scary. Even when I’m happily, madly in love and remarried…I am not immune to the waves of grief that rear up against me on occasion. Of COURSE a loss that close to home stirred memories. Why wouldn’t it?

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Was it a mistake to go to the viewing? I don’t know…maybe. However, I am so glad I was there to support those I love, even if it WAS hard. There are going to be hard things in life. I can’t avoid them.

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It’s ok to not be ok for a little bit. It won’t last forever. I’m not buying real estate…I’m just passing through. It’s the holidays and they can be rough for anyone. When I urge you to be gentle with yourselves, I don’t always take the same advice. I so appreciate my friend to remind me…it’s ok.

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❤️

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“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”\n

Psalms 147:3 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-09T02:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/09/in-the-ditch.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/12/04/grief-timestill-grief.html", "title": "Grief + Time...Still = Grief", "content_html": "

\"Grief “Grief plus time still equals grief. It’s just to varying degrees.”

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It is said, “A burdened shared is lightened.” I have found this is usually the case. A heavy load is more easily carried when someone picks up the other end. Mr. FixIt picks up the other end of my grief much of the time. While it isn’t necessarily his job, he helps me through the worst times because he is my partner in all things.

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That being said, I totally get how blessed I am to have this man in my life and I know he would keep picking up that other end till the cows came home. All I have to do is ask. That’s precisely why I don’t a lot of the time. It’s a tough job to love a widow. It takes a strong man. I don’t want him to burn out and decide this is more than what he bargained for. Besides, at some point, I had to learn to let Jesus do the heavy lifting for me so I could work on the feelings in my heart.

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It has been 2,457 days since Mr. Virgo died. I’ve come light years since those early days when I had zero control over my emotions. I was a slave to the whims of my limbic system. If you go back and read my early writing, you’ll find many nights when I literally grabbed onto the side of the mattress and hung on for dear life. Waves of grief led to oceans of anxiety that threatened to drown me every night. I knew if I could just hang on till the sun came up, it would be better. Eventually, ever so slowly, inch by inch…things got better. That’s why, when I get hit now, it’s fairly predictable and fairly remarkable.

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Triggers.

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There will always be triggers, no matter how long it’s been since your loss. 

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On Sunday morning, when we got the call about the young man who was killed in the car accident, my heart started racing, my hands were sweating, and my mind started to race. I had my hands full with dinner in various stages of completion. And, while I am not close to the young man, he was close family through Mr. FixIt’s children and grandchildren. I felt it was important to keep moving and get food ready for everyone. 

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I did well all day. I was supportive and listened and hugged everyone. I even told my story about losing Mr. Virgo to the family members who didn’t know me then. But, when I went to bed, I was quickly overwhelmed. My grief comes out through my stomach and I was sick most of the night. Just as it was in the early days, if I’m going to have any trouble with grief, it’s going to be in the long dark hours of the night.

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Fortunately, I have come a long way since those early days. I have learned a lot of tricks to help me get through the rough stuff. I know how to divert my attention by getting up and doing something different rather than lay there in bed mulling things over. Still, there are times when it all catches up with me and I can’t do anything about it. Those are the times I take something for my nausea and anxiety, go into the spare bedroom so as to not disturb my husband. Then, I talk out loud to Jesus until I drift off to sleep. When I wake up the next day, I’m fine and ready to take on the world again. 

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Tonight is the visitation. This will be hard. I will do my best to be there and support my bonus family and my husband. But I will not lie…this is not going to be easy for me. What I will tell myself all day tomorrow is…”If you think it’s hard to go to this, imagine his mother. His grandparents. His cousins. His friends. You can do this. It isn’t happening to YOU now.”

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That’s the thing you have to convince yourself. It isn’t happening to YOU. Because that’s where your mind takes you. Memory is a cruel mistress.

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❤️

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“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”\n

John 14:27 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-12-04T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/12/04/grief-timestill-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/20/story-update-little-gwen.html", "title": "Story Update: Little Gwen", "content_html": "

\"Toddler “We’ve been following Little Gwen since she was born with Arthrogryposis. Look…she’s standing!!!”

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Last year I wrote about little Gwen. Her grandma is my friend, Jody who graduated with Daughter #1. Gwen was born with Arthrogryposis. I posted a picture of her back then with her little twisted legs and hands. One knee bent completely backwards and her foot sat in front of her face. Her jaw is severely recessed and because of that, her swallowing is restricted. She has had a feeding tube ever since she was a newborn. 

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God knew what He was doing when He brought Gwen to her family. I can’t imagine any family any better equipped to handle the severe challenges that lay in front of them. They stand up and deliver the very best for Gwen and are her true champions. 

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Gwen has had more than her share of setbacks in her short life with frequent hospitalizations. In spite of the Arthrogryposis, she has come further than anyone could have imagined. She has the best medical team around and has made great strides.

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Her legs are straight now but she still wears braces to help keep them growing right. Her little feet aren’t moving with the braces like they had hoped so she may need to have surgery to fix them. These are difficult decisions for young parents to make. This surgery may help her feet move into a better position. However, it can also condemn her to wearing braces on her legs the rest of her life. That’s a lot to consider. It isn’t an emergency, so Mom and Dad are getting a second opinion.

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I wanted to share Gwen’s most recent photo. This picture just warmed my heart. Look at her standing up! I’m so happy for her and her family. They’ve worked so hard to see every little milestone. I know they get discouraged from time to time, but they are the first to get right back up and encourage Gwennie to be her best little self…no matter what life brings her way!

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Won’t you join me in lifting Gwen and her family up in prayer? Pray that they find the perfect solution for her little feet. Pray that her body gets strong and that illness stays away from her. Pray for strength and courage, joy and peace for her and her entire family. They are a faith-filled family and know where their every blessing comes from. Praises for her accomplishments.

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We love you, little Gwen! Keep up the good work and remember, God is with you always!

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❤️

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“Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.””\n

Luke 14:12-14 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-20T02:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/20/story-update-little-gwen.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Love","God","Peace","Courage","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/11/19/healing-and-scars-and-joy.html", "title": "Healing and Scars and Joy", "content_html": "

\"Grief “Although grief is never finished, healing can occur and you can use your scars to help others.”

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Grief doesn’t run in a straight line. Anything but. We’d love to see the slow and steady climb from that deep, dark valley head right up the side of that mountain to joy. But, unfortunately…it just doesn’t happen that way. Grief runs all skwiggly-skwog…up and down, back and forth, around and around and around. 

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At first you don’t think you are making any progress at all. You can’t feel anything but pain. You cant see two minutes in front of you. It’s a bloody wonder we survive at all. The world is dark. No color…no sound…and certainly no joy.

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One of the things people had the hardest time understanding in my early writing was the “gems in the flames”. I always looked for those gifts God left for me along my path as he led me through the fire. This wasn’t just a Pollyanna attempt to keep my glass half full. This was an exercise in faith knowing that…even in my darkest, most painful moments…my cup was still full to overflowing because Jesus was in that valley with me. Urging me on. Asking me to trust Him and just take one more step.

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It’s easy to have faith when things are looking good. When you’re standing on the mountaintop and you’re feeling great, you may even forget to thank God for carrying you through the muck. Or, you might throw a cursory “Thanks!” His way then think “I’ve got this!” No, it’s when you’re down at your lowest…when life is hard and painful and dirty and ugly…and you beg for God to catch you and bring you out of this that you lean in closest.

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When you’re walking the road of grief and things hurt so bad and grieving tears your heart out of your chest, you may very well be tempted to take a shortcut. Circumvent the whole process, push that nasty wad of grief way, way down deep inside and slap a smile on your face. Because, let’s face it…that’s what the world is usually asking you to do. “Aren’t you over this yet?” “You just need to _____________” (fill in the blank with any of a zillion suggestions you receive). The sheer variety of platitudes is mind numbing. 

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Oh, you can try to walk around it or climb under it, but one of these days, that bandage is going to come off and you’re going to have to face grief head on and it’s going to be ten times worse than it was before. At least, that’s what happened with me when I tried to date someone way…WAY too soon after Mr. Virgo died. 

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Even four years after Mr. Virgo died and I started dating Mr. Fixit, I was still pretty broken. Fortunately, he has a huge heart and an infinite amount of patience with me. He allowed me to talk it all through with him. He’s a great listener. Then one day, I didn’t feel compelled to talk about it as much and my heart truly started to heal. 

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Mr. Virgo came along when I was in a really vulnerable place. I had gone through a particularly difficult and ugly breakup/divorce five years before. And still, for the first year, that man listened oh so patiently as I went though all the gory details and told him every sad and angry story. He saw the potential and he invested in our love. 

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Both of these men love me with the white hot heat of the sun. Neither relationship would have ever worked had I not already worked through a lot of the pain of grief…both that of divorce and that of death. Those two men I dated between Mr. Virgo’s death and Mr. FixIt’s arrival though? Oy! I bled all over them from wounds they never caused. It wasn’t fair to them. I hate that I was blind and couldn’t see past my own need for a tourniquet.

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Fortunately, I did come to some understanding how unfair it was to another person to try to have a relationship too soon. That’s when I stopped trying to date and started a serious relationship with Jesus. Then…when I was in a much better place…I was ready to open my heart and try again. It isn’t easy. There’s nothing about grief that is easy. And if you are in the throes of it, you will not understand this, but…I’ve come to look at every situation with a level of Joy. Maybe not jump up and down happy-happy joy. But with the Joy of knowing I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and will never, ever leave me. I have Jesus to hang onto when I go through the worst of situations. THAT Joy….that Joy with a capital “J”. 

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There is Joy in the scars because you have the opportunity to share your story with others. You have the opportunity to reach back to others coming behind you who are trying to find their footing in their pain. Your scars give you the freedom to love others. Your scars give you validity. They show others they aren’t alone. And when you can be there for another who hurts like you once hurt, you give the greatest gift possible. Empathy. 

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You don’t have to have flowery words. You don’t have to offer Hallmark phrases. You can give a hug, sit quietly, or just be honest and say, “Whew…I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.” It’s isn’t easy to be there for someone who’s in pain, but it is so fulfilling to know you can somehow help another human being when they’re hurting.

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Being vulnerable. Being available. Being open and honest. That is where I find my Joy in grief.

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❤️

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“Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.”\n

Psalms 30:2 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-11-19T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/11/19/healing-and-scars-and-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/30/premonitions-and-pioneers.html", "title": "Premonitions and Pioneers", "content_html": "

\"Pioneer ‘Visiting a Pioneer Farm is a step back in time.”

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Yesterday was a strange day from the get go. I woke up at 3:30 in the morning knowing something wasn’t right. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. After determining I hadn’t eaten anything that would cause such a feeling, I got up, wrapped my camp jacket around me and stepped outside to look at the stars. The sky was crystal clear and the stars looked so close you could just reach up and touch them. I stood there for awhile in my bare feet letting the energy from the earth seep up through my body. When I was sufficiently chilled, literally and figuratively, I went back to bed. But I couldn’t get back to sleep until dawn.

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I finally woke up at around 10:00…absolutely unheard of for me these days. I’m usually awake with the chickens. I stumbled around, did my morning toilette, then dressed and cleaned the camper. Finally around 11:30, I packed up my writing implements and headed for the lodge and good WiFi. I created a movie of the best photos I’d taken on this WV tour and wrote till about 3:00 in the afternoon. 

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I headed to the Pioneer Farm that’s on the back of the park property. This farm was abandoned for a long time, but people were always vandalizing it so now there is a farmer and his family living here. There was no one home when I was there so I wandered around taking pictures and marveling at its timeless beauty. I sat for a while and watched two horses and a donkey browse on the sparse grass in the meadow and felt more peaceful than I had most of the day.

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On my way back to the campground, I stopped at the Nature Center and introduced myself to the Naturalist. Tammy is a cat bird. She has a coal country drawl that put me in mind of the Deep South but she assured me she was born and raised within a stone’s throw of the park. She apologized that she had recently let all the critters go. She normally traps possums and raccoons, tags them, and keeps them in the Nature Center for a few weeks to teach people about them. Then she sends them back off into the wild to track their whereabouts and traps another one to tag.

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Tammy wasn’t originally hired to be a Park Naturalist. She was supposed to be a campground attendant. She doesn’t have a degree in biology, but she has a knack for nature…two and four legged. She was taking campers for nature hikes when the Park Administrators saw they had a gem in Tammy and told her she should apply for the Naturalist position. And the rest is history. She was a delight to talk with. She smiled as I left and called after me…”Put me in your book!” You bet I will, Tammy!

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As I was pulling back into the campground, it happened. There was a low grinding noise coming from my truck and I knew that is where my uneasiness was coming from. Something hasn’t been quite right with the truck for a couple of days but I just couldn’t discern exactly what was troubling me. A sound, maybe? A smell, perhaps? Whatever it was, I kept shifting it to the back of my mind…yet still monitored the situation.

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When I heard that noise, I knew there was something mechanically wrong with the truck. And that puts me in an uncomfortable position. First, I am here alone. There are two other campers in all of the campground and I am grateful for them. But they aren’t going to help me in this situation. I do not like being in a situation I cannot get out of quickly. It stems from being trapped in a garage as a young child and sexually assaulted. To say I have control issues is putting it mildly.

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I went into the camper and made myself sit down and think. What I wanted to do was hook up the camper and get out of here, but of course…that wasn’t the right thing to do. I texted Mr. FixIt but I knew he was working and his phone would be in the truck. Then I texted my besties, Janine and Gail, and asked them to pray that I would calm down and everything would work out. Within minutes I felt much better and realized this whole thing is an adventure and an educational opportunity, so why not make the most of it!

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Mr. FixIt called me a few hours later and he’s going to drive down this morning. He’ll check out my truck. We can tow the camper with his truck. And, either he’ll follow me to a mechanic or we’ll have the truck towed. That’s what I have AAA Plus for. We’ll go home tomorrow. I am so grateful for my friends who pray for me. And I am exceedingly grateful for a wonderful husband who takes good care of me. Wouldn’t you know it would happen at the last park on the last day? But I’m exactly where I should be. I have everything I need right here and I can get some work done while I wait. Thank God I wasn’t pulling the camper up the side of the mountain with no cell service!

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❤️

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“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”\n

Philippians 4:19 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-30T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/30/premonitions-and-pioneers.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Camping","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage","Warning","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Change","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/29/welcome-to-my-living-room.html", "title": "Welcome to my Living Room!", "content_html": "

\"Woman “The camper is the kitchen, bath, and bedroom…the great outdoors is where I live!”

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I got to my new campsite in the middle of the afternoon. The mountains I drove over yesterday weren’t anything like the ones last week but man, the road up into the campground here at the park is really, really steep! This truck did a great job pulling the r-pod in these West Virginia hills. When I arrived at my site, I was amazed to have this entire mountaintop to myself! I didn’t have any concerns about that, but I was pleased to see two more couples come into the campground with trailers. 

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It’s quiet as a church mouse up here. I heard some owls just after dark and a coal train. And the squirrels were in the hickory trees all around me all afternoon. I opened the awning and set up my chair outside and enjoyed the 75° temps and the warm sunshine. A few weeks ago, I purchased an adapter for my tripod so I could use the iPad as a camera. I got it out and played with it for awhile. I had a blast setting the timer for 10 seconds then running to see if I could get in the picture in time!

\n

I wanted to tell you about what happened yesterday. I always sit in my truck before I pull out and pray for travel mercies. I list off all the things I’m going to be talking with Him about as I drive. Then I pray the Prayer of Jabez and ask Him to send me whoever He needs me to talk with that day. I hadn’t driven a hundred feet when I came around a corner and there was a whole crowd of folks my age sitting around a campfire. I stopped and rolled down my window.

\n

“You kids look like you’re having entirely too much fun!”

\n

“Oh, we are!!!” Everyone turned around and smiled and waved. We made some small talk and one of the gals asked if I was traveling alone. I told her all about Girl Campers and how I’m taking this camper around for a few months and we are raffling it off. One thing led to another and the subject of my writing came up. When I told them my writing is faith based and that I even have a Sunday Evening Prayer Circle, one woman came over and took my hand and asked if I would pray for her granddaughter who is sick with ulcerative colitis. I opened my blog and added her name to the prayer list. Before I left them, I took their hands and prayed with them…right there in the campground. God is so good…I asked, He delivered. Immediately! I know it happens so often, I shouldn’t be amazed. But I am always in awe at that.

\n

I’m in the home stretch of the West Virginia tour now. Just one, maybe two more nights and I’ll be back at the Ponderosa for a few days. It’s been such an amazing trip and I’ve seen some beautiful places. I’m looking forward to heading south next week. If you all have any recommendations for campgrounds or state parks in Virginia, Tennessee, North Carolina, and South Carolina…I’d love to hear them!

\n

❤️

\n
“Jabez was more honorable than his brothers. His mother had named him Jabez, saying, “I gave birth to him in pain.” Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request.”\n

1 Chronicles 4:9-10 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/29/welcome-to-my-living-room.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Prayer","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Be Joyful!","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/27/between-the-trees.html", "title": "Between the Trees", "content_html": "

\"Autumn “Sitting by the river is soothing to the soul.”

\n

Being a writer is a wonderful thing. I can get lost in a blank page, creating worlds from my thoughts. It’s like magic…making something from nothing. I pray over my keyboard. I ask God to bring me words to say and people who need them. I am humbled when someone reaches out and tells me how my words have encouraged them or helped to ease the pain of their particular loss. I am quick to tell them…it is not me. I am merely the transcriptionist.

\n

When I pray the Prayer of Jabez, I ask for God to give me those Blessings with my name on them. I ask Him to expand my territory and to walk with His hand over me to keep evil far from me so that I may not feel/cause pain. I love when He brings people to me. It happens daily and I am so blessed by His generosity.

\n

As I sat yesterday in the r-pod, working on a writing project, I noticed the camper next door had turned their outdoor speakers up and were playing loud music. Not over-the-top loud…just annoying because it was disturbing my flow. I stopped and looked at the clock. Just after noon. I had been working straight through since breakfast. I sighed and closed my iPad.

\n

Should I go say something to the people? Should I give them a stern look as I pass by? Should I report them to the park office? I sat and prayed for discernment and wisdom. As I washed up the breakfast dishes, I looked out and there were two children…maybe ‘tweens…carving pumpkins! They didn’t have their noses glued to an electronic device. They were camping with their family and doing fun, creative things in the outdoors.

\n

I smiled as I dried my hands. Just WHO is the one with her nose glued to an electronic device? Oh, yes…that would be ME! I laughed as I looked up and said, “Ok, ok…I get the hint!” After taking a look around the camper to make sure things were unplugged and safe to leave, I donned my jacket and headed to the Fall Harvest Festival. 

\n

I watched a chainsaw artist carve a bear out of a log. I sat and listened to some live Bluegrass music. I went to the river and sat in a chair and read for an hour. I put my book away and just breathed in the smells of the day. The aroma of good food from the lodge kitchen. The smell of wet leaves and swift river water. The earthy smell of wool as the sun warmed my sweater. I closed my eyes and listened to children throwing rocks in the river and an elderly couple chatting softly as they walked slowly by…their feet shuffling through the leaves.

\n

I thanked God for reminding me to remove the plank in my own eye before I asked my neighbor to remove the sliver from theirs. 

\n

It was a really good day.

\n

❤️

\n
“You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”\n

Matthew 7:5 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-27T01:30:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/27/between-the-trees.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/16/eat-pray-camp.html", "title": "Eat, Pray, Camp!", "content_html": "

\"R-pod “The r-pod 196 nestled in the trees at Cedar Creek State Park near Glenville, WV”

\n

I moved to the next campground easily enough yesterday morning. Mr. FixIt met me at the McDonald’s in Glenville for breakfast so I could get my travel coordinates before we parted company for another couple of weeks. We had the BEST weekend! It was our first wedding anniversary, which I had told you about. When he arrived at the campground Saturday night, he greeted me with a dozen roses and a sweet card. I greeted him with a warm supper and a big hug. We hiked, biked, and chatted with folks he knew in the campground. (Have I told you he knows EVERYONE?!) We rested and watched movies and took naps. And we just flat out enjoyed not having cell service or TV to distract us from enjoying each other’s company. It was wonderful!

\n

Speaking of no cell service, we had just finished eating lunch out in front of our camper on Monday when Mr. FixIt’s phone rang! We could barely hear a woman’s voice and she was saying something about coming to the office. We thought it must have something to do with his insurance policy because the call came from his agent’s office. That was really weird.

\n

After lunch, we decided to go for a bike ride around the state park. It’s such a great place to ride bikes because the campground is essentially flat. When we got back to the camper, Mr. FixIt reached to remove his wallet from his back pocket and…it was GONE! We looked in both trucks and all over the camper and campsite, but he figured he had to have lost it when he was riding his bike.

\n

I hadn’t realized till I got back to the camper that he wasn’t right behind me. I got off my bike and took off my helmet and gloves and here he came. It turned out he had gotten his shoe lace wrapped around the bike pedal and had to stop at the camp store to get untangled. He assumed that is where he lost the wallet. So, we got in the truck. I prayed out loud.

\n

“Jesus, please help us find my husband’s wallet!”

\n

We took off driving very slowly…looking for a brown wallet amongst the equally brown leaves all over the roadway. We hadn’t had any luck when we passed a couple out for a walk. 

\n

“You haven’t happened to find a wallet, have you?”

\n

“Nope…sorry. We haven’t seen a thing!”

\n

“Ok, we’ll keep looking. Thanks!”

\n

While we were talking to the couple who were walking, another couple rode past us on their bikes on the other side of the truck.

\n

Suddenly, we heard the walking couple.

\n

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!”

\n

I looked in the rear view mirror and they were waving us back and pointing at the couple on the bike. The bikers rode up to us.

\n

“You looking for a wallet? I just turned one in at the park headquarters building! They have it waiting for you!”

\n

I stuck my hand out the window and looked up and shouted, “Thank you, Jesus!!!”

\n

We drove on up to the building at the park entrance and sure enough, it was Mr. FixIt’s wallet…intact with his one lone dollar bill and his credit cards. As we were driving back to the camper, he looked at me and said, “Man, that was really lucky!”

\n

I looked at him with a level stare and said, “No, honey…luck had nothing to do with that. What did I do as soon as we got in the truck? I prayed that Jesus would help us find your wallet, didn’t I?” He nodded in agreement. “Then, we asked the walkers if they found a wallet and they didn’t. But they asked the bikers, and THEY did…and had turned it in. All in the space of about ten minutes after I prayed! That was a prayer answered, sweetheart…plain and simple.”

\n

He had to agree. Especially when we were sitting at breakfast yesterday and he checked his phone.

\n

“Huh…I have a missed call.” It was from the same number that got through in an area with no phone service. They had called back and left us this message.

\n

“Hi there…this is __________ from you insurance agent’s office. We received a call from the folks at Cedar Creek State Park saying someone found your wallet. You need to check in with the headquarters office to get it back.”

\n

I looked at Mr. FixIt and smiled. “See? You can add getting a phone call in an area with no cell service about your lost wallet to the list of steps God took to return it to you!”

\n

I’m gobsmacked when God does these things…especially when it shows another person that He’s really REAL and cares about ALL the things, not just the big stuff. Even a wallet that falls out in the leaves.

\n

❤️

\n
“If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.”\n

John 15:7 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-16T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/16/eat-pray-camp.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Choices","Be Joyful!","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/09/check-engine-light.html", "title": "Check Engine Light", "content_html": "

\"Check “How many times have you seen this come on…right in front of the dealership?!?!”

\n

I was heading through Marietta, Ohio yesterday afternoon on my way from one campground to the next. My preferred Ford dealer is there and as I was driving by, I got “the nudge”. The thought went through my mind…“Check your engine light!” Literally…I was right in front of the dealership when I looked down and…

\n

It was ON!!!

\n

I kid you not! I got goose bumps. Ok…I drove down a block, turned around, and came back. I pulled up as close to the service entrance as I could while pulling a camper behind me. Luke, the Service Supervisor, came out and checked the truck with the computer. One of the oxygen sensors was bad. They checked and had one in stock and they had a free technician. I unhooked the camper, pulled the truck in, and went out to the camper to stretch out and read. An hour later, they called and the truck was ready.

\n

You cannot tell me prayer doesn’t work. You cannot tell me the Holy Spirit doesn’t guide us. How many of you sent up prayers and good thoughts for travel mercies for me yesterday? Well, they worked…and I thank you for those prayers!

\n

But most of all, I thank God for always watching out for me. I love it when He comes through with a megaphone because there was absolutely nothing subtle about that call. Wowza!

\n

I got to the next campground just before dusk. I never reveal where I am in real time when I’m traveling alone so I’ll have to let you know the day after I leave. But, talk about peace and quiet…it’s crazy quiet here. I was hoping to see the night sky, but the clouds stole in just as I was unhooking. Maybe tonight. In the meantime…great cell service and a deadline to meet. What a great place to write!

\n

❤️

\n
“When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?”\n

Psalms 8:3-4 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-09T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/09/check-engine-light.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Camping","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/10/07/all-good-things.html", "title": "All Good Things...", "content_html": "

\"Girl “The curtain closes on another successful Fall What-a-Hoot!”

\n

What a FUN event we had this weekend at the Fourth Annual Fall What-a-Hoot at Beaver Creek State Park with the Girl Campers! OMGosh…we ate and laughed and knitted and crafted. We sat around the campfire every night and talked and talked and talked. We toured each other’s campers. We broke in a newbie. We hugged and prayed and praised.

\n

We antiqued and flea marketed and shopped and faired. We watched a movie on the big screen outdoors. We captured sunrises and sunsets. We cooked and shared recipes. We shared pictures of the kids and grandkids and great grandkids. We taught and shared. We listened. We embraced each other’s differences. We lifted each other up. We included everyone and made everyone feel welcome and special. You know what we didn’t do? We didn’t talk politics. We didn’t watch TV. We didn’t complain…about anything. Not even the 41 degree morning. Ok, maybe a little about the mosquitoes. And those folks on that one site that had a WAY too big fire and a drunken party till the wee hours of Sunday morning that kept some gals awake. Oh, and did I say…NO POLITICS! It was heavenly! The weekend ended with a much, MUCH needed rain. I’m staying on for another extra night since it’s supposed to rain all day today. I have writing to do and some trip planning. I’m also going to work on a little project I’ll share with you soon. 

\n

Happy Monday, everyone! 

\n

❤️

\n
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”\n

Romans 15:13 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-10-07T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/10/07/all-good-things.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","Gratitude","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Be Joyful!","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/16/weve-come-a-long-way.html", "title": "We’ve Come a Long Way Baby!", "content_html": "

\"Early “Camping in the early days in Denver. This is just down the street from where Ben & Sue live!”

\n

Janine and I spent our time at the RV Show yesterday browsing around for content for our blogs. We stood for eight hours and walked nearly 10,000 steps. By the time the show was finished, we were exhausted but then there was work to be done. Processing and editing photos, writing blog posts, calculating trip routes and travel times. All the logistics that come with the postmortems of a travel show.

\n

I’ll bet we didn’t get to see one tenth of this show. And even that was overwhelming. We did see a couple of really cool campers. We saw some really EXPENSIVE campers. We saw everything from bargain basement, bare bones boxes to luxury on wheels. It’s amazing what some of the interiors of these campers look like. Marble counters, high end furnishings, and appliances that look like they come out of the finest kitchens. It boggles the mind that people would pay half a million dollars for a fancy bus.

\n

There are so many accessories….many that you definitely don’t need, but there are lots that were pretty handy. One was a rechargeable work light that would work well to illuminate a campsite if you arrive in the dark and need to back in. We have some really fun accessories that I’ll be sharing with you after the big reveal next week. We are still holding back the majority of the photos till then.

\n

In the meantime, they are breaking down the show overnight. I need to get a smaller ball on my hitch to fit the new camper. Janine and I are heading to the Ponderosa today then to Huntington tomorrow. We’ll dry camp out in the field tonight! So please keep us in your prayers for travel mercies today. I am so excited about pulling this camper today!

\n

❤️

\n
“For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.”\n

Proverbs 2:6 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-16T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/16/weve-come-a-long-way.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Camping","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","goRVing","Grace","God","Wisdom","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Change","Road Trip","Chasing the Sun - Girl Camper Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/13/full-moonfriday-the-th.html", "title": "Full Moon...Friday the 13th", "content_html": "

\"Full “Tonight is a full moon AND Friday the 13th! What could POSSIBLY go wrong?”

\n

If you have ever worked in an emergency room, you know it is guaranteed to be crazy busy on the night of a full moon and any Friday the 13th. Add the two? Yikes! Let’s just say, I’m super happy I am going to go work an RV show today and not an ER!

\n

Yesterday was insanely busy. I got up early and finished packing. Mr. FixIt had to work so I loaded up the truck by myself. Although I started early and it was only 73 degrees, within an hour I was sweating buckets and things became decidedly more difficult. I managed to get everything finished around 11:00 and headed to town. I had some errands to run before a doctor’s appointment at 2:45. The Doctor ran really late so it was 4:15 by the time I was finished. 

\n

As I walked around the back of my truck in the parking lot, I noticed the hitch wasn’t on my truck. Mr. FixIt usually does that for me because a hitch with all the gear to use weight distribution bars is really heavy. I had to drive all the way home and hook it up myself before I could head out of town. I was really tired by 10:00 and started looking for a hotel room. I finally found one around Hagerstown, MD and stopped for the night. There’s a long stretch through the mountains where the pickin’s are slim.

\n

I love traveling by night. The traffic is lighter and the moon was amazing! By the time I got settled in my room, it was 11:30 so I was whupped. I don’t have to be at the RV Show till noon so I could sleep in this morning!  Gotta be ready for a busy, busy couple of days!

\n

❤️

\n
“For it is written: “ ‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’ ””\n

Luke 4:10-11 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-13T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/13/full-moonfriday-the-th.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Fun","Gratitude","goRVing","Grace","Love","God","Courage","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow","Road Trip"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/10/forever.html", "title": "Forever 62...", "content_html": "

\"Handsome “Mr. Virgo…Forever 62…and still handsome as ever.”

\n

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Mr. Virgo. You would have been sixty-nine today. Would you have been retired by now? Would we have pulled that camper all over the country? Would our golf game be any better? It’s hard to say, but my guess is…we would have been out hitting some balls today.

\n

My life is so different now…I do different things. I camp and write about it. I grieve and write about it. I got married again…and I write about it! Nothing is safe anymore…it’s all blog fodder. But in a good way.

\n

I remember all the stages, all the phases, all the fear and pain and anger your loss caused me. I remember it all. At the same time, the edges are fuzzy. A little out of focus. The only words I can hear your voice say in my mind anymore is “I love you, baby doll.” I can picture your hands…your earlobes…your hair. It’s like I can see all the pieces of the puzzle but I cannot seem to piece them all together and put together a workable picture of you. Sometimes it’s frustrating. Sometimes its a Godsend.

\n

As I always tell my readers, the pain of grief is always much, much worse when I’m tired. Sunday night, I could not get to sleep. And the longer it went on, the more focused I became on being away. I knew I’d be tired. And I knew the waves could hit any minutes, even if you never crossed my mind. 

\n

I finally drifted off for about 20 minutes and woke up freezing. I turned off the fan, threw a blanket over me, and went to sleep for…maybe a half hour. This time, I woke up overheated, sweating profusely, and anxious/nauseated/jittery. I finally got up, turned the fan back on, and got sick.

\n

Grief.

\n

Waves of seemingly unending grief have dwindled to the rare bad night. Sunday night was it. I hate disturbing Mr. FixIt if I’m jumping up and down all night so I moved to the guest room, took something for my upset stomach, and finally slipped into a sound sleep for four or five hours. This is the way it works now. The fact that I am happily married doesn’t seem to phase it. We never “get over it”….but we do learn how to hold our grief with soft hands so as to not wake up the beast.

\n

It is your 69th. You are there with your mom and dad…and cousin-in-law Dennis…and now, your firstborn, Shannon. She has been with you for two years. I know you all are together and having a cigar on the back 9…watching the sunset. 

\n

I will always love you and remember you in so many ways. It’s funny how your shape in my life has changed over time. Each year you step a tiny bit further away. Your star shines a tiny bit less in my every day life…but you’re so much bigger in the grand moments. And still, every once it a while, a wave hits me and I have a bad night. Thank God, they are fewer and farther between.

\n

So…

\n

Happy Birthday, Mr. Virgo!

\n

❤️

\n
“So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.”\n

John 16:22 ESV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-10T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/10/forever.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Growth","Gratitude","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/09/there-is-another.html", "title": "There is Another", "content_html": "

\"Worship “There is another who stands with us in the fire….always.”

\n

I cannot tell you how many times I have felt alone in my life. Totally alone. Totally forgotten. Maybe not totally worthless…but pretty darned close sometimes. When I went through my formal conversion to Judaism just before my second child was born, part of the process was to sit before the Bet Din…the Jewish Tribunal Court that determines your suitability. Did you learn all you needed to learn? Are you converting for your faith…or for your husband? How will you accomplish the very important aspect of the Jewish faith…being a contributing member of the synagogue?

\n

These were the easy questions. I had already lived a Jewish life for 12 years. This conversion was merely a formality so that our child would be considered by other Jews to be Jewish once she was born. The difficult question came last.

\n

“Do you renounce Jesus as your personal savior?”

\n

I thought I would fly through these questions without giving them a second thought. But this question….this…betrayal to all I had learned as a child hit something deep within me I didn’t even realize was there. But what was I to do? I was pregnant out to here and my nice Jewish doctor-husband was sitting on the other side of the door, waiting for me. 

\n

“I have obligations to my family,” I thought to myself. “I have people depending on me to show up as a Jew…not the least of which is my unborn child.”

\n

So, I said yes…and that’s where the trouble started. I felt God…I don’t know…step back, for lack of a better description. From that moment on…for the next ten years…I felt alone. Forsaken, as I had forsaken Jesus. Granted, I had not recognized him as the Son of God at that point. I had never invited Him into my life. I had never given over to Him and called Him Lord. I guess, in that moment, I realized He was still in the back of my mind. He was still there. That is, until I kicked Him to the curb in the office of the synagogue that cold and sunny January day.

\n

I didn’t deserve Him. I had shunned Him. I felt there was no forgiveness for such an action and that was where I was left. Dying on the vine from the inside out. Ten years later, after an overdose nearly killed me, I started my long journey back to life and along the way…praise God…I was brought to my knees at the foot of the Cross and came home to Jesus in 2005. Nearly fifteen years ago.

\n

What I’ve learned since then is this: I was never alone in the fire. God was always there with me, no matter how far I tried to push Him away. I spent that whole decade feeling alone and unworthy…far from God on my side of the fence. Yet He sat there patiently watching out for me, patiently waiting for me to cry out for him.

\n

I think of myself as a parent…how sad I have been at times when my children’s focus has them far away from me and how joyful I feel when they call, or reach out to me for something even as mundane as a family recipe. This must be how God feels when we reach our arms out to Him to be held. Like any parent…He loves His children. Like any parent…He rejoices when His children love Him back.

\n

❤️

\n
“How precious is your steadfast love, O God! The children of mankind take refuge in the shadow of your wings.”\n

Psalms 36:7 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-09T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/09/there-is-another.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/04/the-other-side-of-fear.html", "title": "The Other Side of Fear", "content_html": "

\"\" “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Jack Canfield

\n

I hear from a lot of widows who face fear as one of their most difficult symptoms of grief. Fear of the unknown…fear of being alone…fear of other people’s motives. Navigating grief is difficult enough on it’s own. Add fear, anxiety, and even full blown panic attacks and it ratchets grief up to an unbearable level. 

\n

I’ve always had a bit of an anxious nature. Anticipatory social anxiety. Commonly called “stage fright”. I’ve come a long way in learning to control it. Sometimes it bothers me. Sometimes it doesn’t. I’ve learned the things I most want to do lie on the other side of that fear, so I have to figure out ways to get through to the other side in order to find my bliss.

\n

The fear I felt early on after losing Mr. Virgo was different than my usual pre-speech jitters. It was hold-onto-the-edge-of-the-mattress-all-night awful. Through trial and error, I’ve learned a lot of skills…tools for my tool box, so to speak. If I feel myself amping up, one of the things that almost immediately calms me down is listening to praise music. If I’m singing at the top of my lungs, its really difficult to be scared. 

\n

I’ve had so many people tell me they would really love to take off camping or traveling by themselves but they are too scared. The bottom line any grief mentor should take is honoring what others are and are not capable of. That being said, if it really is something you want to do, there are ways you can ease into scary situations without jumping in with both feet.

\n

Finding a like-minded friend to do things with can help a lot when it comes to doing new things. Taking little baby steps helps, as well. If your dream is to take a month long trip to Europe but you have panic attacks going to the grocery store, you need to desensitize yourself. Start with little excursions. A short day trip. Repeat till you’re comfortable. Then an overnight, then two…you get the idea. Getting professional help can go a long way toward building your confidence and getting down to the root of the issues you face.

\n

When I was planning the trip to Colorado, my biggest concerns were the social obligations of my daughter’s wedding and being so far away from Mr. FixIt. Losing Mr. Virgo so suddenly brings the possibility of a repeat to the forefront of my imagination. So, yeah…that makes me nervous. The night before the trip, my stomach was in knots but I did my routine and the next morning, I was good to go. It’s not the actual DOING that bothers me…it’s the anticipation. And, sometimes I just have to do the thing and feel the fear.

\n

I’m really excited about the opportunity to take this new camper around. There’s nothing about it that scares me, per se. I may have pre-trip jitters the night before. I may not. Knowing what it is, knowing how to redirect my thinking, knowing just what I need to do helps me feel less out of control and more confident in my own abilities. 

\n

What I want is often on the other side of fear, but that’s exactly what makes the experience so much richer. I know exactly what I had to get through to get there and that makes me brave! After all…so far, I have survived every single experience I’ve encountered in my life!

\n

❤️

\n
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.\"”\n

Deuteronomy 31:6 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-04T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/04/the-other-side-of-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/03/random-acts-of-kindnesssenseless-acts.html", "title": "Random Acts of Kindness...Senseless Acts of Beauty", "content_html": "

\"Kind “My grandma always said you can catch a lot more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.”

\n

About thirty years ago, a woman named Anne Herbert wrote something on a placemat in a restaurant. “Practice random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty.” Since then, countless posters, books, t-shirts, and movies have incorporated this idea of doing something for others…some kindness…without expecting anything in return. Things like paying for the person behind you in the drive through at the local coffee shop. Or, leaving a basket of flowers on someone’s doorstep. Or, something I like to do every once in a while….put a sticky note on a $5 bill with a note like “God loves you!”…then tuck it in a book at the library or a book store. 

\n

Practicing random acts of kindness didn’t start with Ms. Herbert, of course. The original practitioner was Jesus, of course…and we would do well to strive to emulate Him. Being a good person seems to be rapidly going out of style. My dad wasn’t what you would call a profound thinker, but he said one thing that always stuck with me. “Computers will be the downfall of mankind.” I think I rolled my eyes when he said that. But maybe he wasn’t so far off.

\n

I don’t think it’s computers, per se, that will be the downfall of man. I think it’s how computers are used. Social media has created a monster. It’s given people a voice who may never have had one. It’s placed a filter between people….it’s created an US against THEM atmosphere. And, it has taken away the social filter of eye contact, allowing whatever vitriol that comes to mind to flow through the keyboard without repercussion. Cyber bullying isn’t limited to 8th grade girls and misunderstood emo boys. 

\n

I will have to say…thankfully there has been very little in the way of nastiness on this page. I won’t tolerate it and the few times it’s happened, the instigator has been blocked and the offending message deleted. That isn’t the case everywhere. It’s hard to judge the “tone” of a message when it’s written. All it takes is one “rude” comment to unleash a flood of bullying back and forth…and that’s with grown adults!

\n

It’s a new month. School is back in session. I don’t want to wait for Christmas to have the good feels. Let’s go out today and do kind things for people. If it’s not new to you, great! Keep up the good work! If it’s been a while and you’d like to rectify that situation, go out there and do something nice for someone today. And if someone does something nice for you, pay it forward. 

\n

We attract to us what we dish out. If we are negative and uncaring, we just get more of the same. If we are kind and loving, there is a better chance of attracting that same kindness and love. If it doesn’t come right away…keep trying. It never hurts to spread good vibes around the world.

\n

❤️

\n
“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”\n

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-03T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/03/random-acts-of-kindnesssenseless-acts.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/02/the-tug-of-war.html", "title": "The Tug of War", "content_html": "

\"Angel “Angel on one hand, devil on the other…trying to have their way with me.”

\n

Mr. FixIt and I haven’t had a lot of time together this summer. I was gone a lot and, even though he joined me for three weeks in Colorado, we both have been working nonstop at this and that since we got home the first week of August. Here it is September already and I’m already preparing to leave again.

\n

We miss being together and we both know the importance of devoting time to our relationship. It’s been really nice this weekend because we took three days off for some much needed R&R. When I woke up yesterday, I was tired. My allergies have been giving me fits creating fluid in my ears which sometimes makes me dizzy. I laid in bed for twenty minutes telling myself it was perfectly fine to stay home…we didn’t have to go to church. I mean…it’s just this once, right? We go almost every Sunday when we are home. That deserves a day off to sleep in. I just didn’t feel good. I didn’t feel like going.

\n

As I let these thoughts run through my mind, I was almost convinced to turn over and go back to sleep when a stern “voice” shook me from my reverie. 

\n

“When you don’t FEEL like going is exactly when you NEED to go!”

\n

I quite literally jumped out of bed.

\n

Ohhhhh….my thinker was what was “sick”. Church is the place it gets healed.

\n

When I’m thinking I don’t need to go to church is exactly when I need it the most. And yesterday, I am not kidding…church felt like plugging in my jet pack. I got fed the energy and grace and love and lessons I needed and I left there convicted. Convinced the place to feel better is to draw closer to Jesus, not turn over and go back to sleep.

\n

It’s not enough to go every Sunday and get plugged in, hoping the charge lasts till the following Sunday. That obviously didn’t work last week because I easily could have opted out. My tug of war pitted the proverbial angel on one hand and devil on the other…each trying to pull me to their side. I know I can’t ever go wrong when I choose Jesus.

\n

The key is to draw closer…constantly. The Bible says we are to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). The way to do that is to turn whatever you are doing into worship. Whether you are singing in the choir or scrubbing toilets, it can be done with a tone of worship and praise. And when we pray, we are to devote ourselves “to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving” (Colossians 4:2)

\n

Just that boost, and the conviction to keep close, has given me rest and regeneration. I feel so much better and not nearly so overwhelmed by all I need to accomplish in the next two weeks. I came to the farm after church…to my place of meditation…to the home of my heart…and enjoyed a quiet evening while Mr. FixIt bowled. Today, I’ll go back home and get some work done. Perhaps I’ll pressure wash the deck!

\n

❤️

\n
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”\n

Romans 12:2 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-02T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/02/the-tug-of-war.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/09/01/dining-alone.html", "title": "Dining Alone", "content_html": "

\"Dining “Dining alone can be an intimidating experience when you are widowed.”

\n

I saw her walk into the restaurant with the rest of us “early birds”. The waitress came up to her table and handed her a menu.

\n

“Just one?”

\n

I’m sure I’m the only one in the restaurant that saw the shadow of pain skitter across her face.

\n

“Yes.”

\n

“Really?”

\n

sigh

\n

I wanted to smack the perky waitress but decided at some point in the meal, this would become a teaching moment.

\n

When we walked in, there were friends sitting in a booth near the front of the restaurant. They called to us to join them. The woman dining alone sat nearby. Our friends lost their son a couple of years ago. Eventually, our conversation included him…mentioning him by name, telling a funny story or two, comforting her and telling her at two years, it’s still ok to cry. It’s always ok to cry.

\n

The waitress came back to give us our check and I chose that moment to speak to the woman dining alone. We made direct eye contact.

\n

“I remember the first time I went to a restaurant alone after my husband died.”

\n

She looked at me steadily. I recognized the sadness in her eyes. I sat there…many times.

\n

“It doesn’t really help to be asked…’Oh…you’re alone?’ The first time I went to our favorite restaurant, I opened my iPad and pulled up my favorite picture of my husband and propped him up on the table so I didn’t feel so alone.”

\n

“Yes…it’s really hard. Especially when someone comes up to you after a year and a half and asks ‘Where’s Paul?’”

\n

The waitress whirled around. It just dawned on her what had happened. She opened her mouth to say something and I quickly said, “It’s not your fault. You aren’t clairvoyant so you had no way of knowing.” But now she’ll be more aware the next time someone comes in unaccompanied.

\n

As we were leaving, I glanced over at the woman dining alone and gave her a long, knowing look and a gentle smile. She smiled back and waved. 

\n

God moments. He gives us the people we need to help…and to help us.

\n

❤️

\n
“He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.”\n

Deuteronomy 10:18 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-09-01T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/09/01/dining-alone.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/30/and-i-will-give-you.html", "title": "“...and I Will Give You Rest.”", "content_html": "

\"Broken\" “We can help broken people by touching base with a simple ? or ❤️…just to let them know you’re thinking of them.”

\n

I have spoken with thousands of bereaved people in the last six plus years. I have heard story after story of loss and how their grief affects them. I have learned to keep healthy boundaries so that I don’t internalize the stories and let it affect my well being. This is something I learned in the beginning of my medical career and it’s a valuable tool. 

\n

We all experience loss and grief in our lives. It seems to me, the older I get, the more of it there is to deal with. Just after I graduated from high school, I had my first experience with death. My Pop-Pop died of a heart attack when he was 72. The next year, a couple of friends from high school died together from carbon monoxide poisoning. News would come here and there…a neighbor passed, the daughter of a friend, an accident here, old age there. 

\n

Losing my mom was really hard as it was fairly sudden and, well…it was my MOM. My dad died four years later but the impact wasn’t as great because we never had a close relationship. Then…Mr. Virgo died and death changed its timbre. Death hit close and it hit hard and it hit home. I remember feeling…broken.

\n

And now, there are people who are close to me who are suffering terrible, tragic things and I feel as helpless as anyone else. I want to help them. I want to hold them and say magic words that make it better. And I know…there ARE no magic words. The only thing I can do is touch base with them. Pray for them. Perhaps send them gift cards for things like gas or a meal. Uber Eats and other food delivery services can help a lot in times like this.

\n

If you are supporting someone whose world has been shattered by tragedy, there is one thing you have to remember to do and that’s take care of yourself. You can’t help anyone if you suffer your own burnout. It may seem selfish when people you love are in pain and you’re thinking of yourself. But believe me, it’s vitally important to practice self care.

\n

With that in mind, I seriously wanted to sleep in my camper last night but for a number of reasons, I couldn’t. I’m going to make a concerted effort to get out there tonight and have some TOW-Wanda Time. That is where I physically find the most peace and rest. And…it’s where I spend an awful lot of quality quiet time with Jesus so trailer time is good for me.

\n

I took the truck to the Ford dealer yesterday and spent about three hours working on my camping itinerary for the upcoming trip. I made some reservations. I also found the kind of trip planner I’ve been looking for on the Good Sams page. There are lots of planners out there, but I was looking for one that lets me add and change stops and look for camping spots at the the same time. There are a lot of things to juggle with this trip. 

\n

I’m trying to focus on West Virginia while it is still warm enough to camp here. When it gets colder, I’ll follow the colors south. I found a map online that predicts when the colors will be at their peak in different areas. I think that will be helpful in my planning. The truck is in tip top shape. It has new tires. The mechanic said the brakes are barely worn and there are no leaks…the underside is really clean.

\n

Now I need to go through the items I brought back from Colorado that were in my camper so I can figure out what I need to take and what can be put away. I leave two weeks from today. With all that’s going on with my loved ones, it’s hard to get excited about the trip. But, as one of my dearest friends told me earlier this week, my stories will be a distraction for her as she goes through her valley. I do hope they help.

\n

❤️

\n
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”\n

Matthew 11:28 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-30T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/30/and-i-will-give-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/29/grief-time-grief.html", "title": "GRIEF + TIME = grief", "content_html": "

\"Grief “Grief is a process that varies from person to person…but there are some general similarities.”

\n

The other day I read a Tweet that stopped me in my tracks. A woman said she had cut her two best friends completely out of her life because in the entire year after her niece died, neither one of them bothered to check in with her. Her comment came after someone checked in…a full two years after her tragic loss. He texted her with a very simple message…

\n

“I’m just checking in to see how you are coping after the death of your niece.”

\n

Simple. To the point. And, so welcomed it brought her to tears.

\n

It prompted me to reflect. When was the last time I checked in with my friends who have lost loved ones? I get so wrapped up in my “work”, my “ministry”, with the bereaved, I forget to reach out and connect myself sometimes.

\n

Last night I spent a good two hours writing quick texts to several of my peeps who had lost someone significant in the last couple of years. I heard back from them and the response was universal…”You have no idea what it means to have someone remember to ask how I’m doing!” “Thank you SO much for checking in…it means so much to me!” “My own kids don’t even want to listen!”

\n

It’s true…once a “reasonable amount of time” passes, people move on with their lives. And, unless they have been bereaved, they may not understand that you haven’t. I remember how I felt abandoned. Like no one cared anymore. That isn’t true, of course. They just don’t have a point of reference for the depth of your pain and…it would scare the crap out of them if they believed that depth of pain could possible last more than a few months.

\n

There is no way to compare your own experience with that of another. Your grief is different than my grief. And it doesn’t matter how your person died…your grief is the worst grief ever because it is your own. But truly, I’m here to tell you, there is some grief that I cannot begin to imagine. Like the mother whose son was murdered by terrorists and left to die on the roadside. Or the mother whose daughter was found dead three days after a heroin overdose. Or the wife who returned from the grocery store to find her husband dead on the back porch from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.

\n

There are so many stories in the work that I do. It breaks my heart into little pieces. And, it makes me think, “If he had to die, at least it wasn’t like that!” I find myself feeling grateful it was “only a heart attack.” I didn’t have to watch him slowly fade away from the ravages of cancer.

\n

As I talked to my friend whose son was killed a little over a year ago, I thought back over the years since Mr. Virgo died. And, while there isn’t some neat and tidy delineation from year to year, there is some general sense of first, second, third, etc.

\n

The first year is such a fog. You are numb. You are just trying to get the next thing done, the next paper filed, the next account closed. Closet? Check. Accounts? Check. Cellphone? Check. The first year becomes a blur…a cross between busy and madness.

\n

The second year can be surprisingly rough…like you are standing in high tide during a storm surge. Your footing shifts like the sand beneath you in the ocean. Each wave hitting you blindly, knocking you beneath the surface. And…you can’t swim. Not even close.

\n

At some point along the way…you hear it. A little snippet of music. A little bubble of laughter. A little glimmer of color peeking through a stormy sky. And that’s when the tides begin to shift a little. The waves not quite so hard. Or…maybe we’ve become better swimmers.

\n

For me, the third year gave me a little breathing room. It was a period of exploration and self-discovery. A time of reaching out and stretching beyond my past and stepping a bit more boldly into the future.

\n

The fourth, and beyond, found me building a boat to carry me over the waves till the next storm comes. 

\n

I listened intently to my friend sharing her grief. I asked questions. I resisted the urge to share my experiences except to say the occasional “Yes! I get that…I felt that, too!” It was amazingly comforting to me when I found others shared some of the same things I was experiencing. At some point in our conversation, she asked…

\n

”How is your life?” 

\n

“I feel bad sharing how wonderful my life is when yours sucks so terribly,” I said.

\n

“No…don’t ever feel bad about that! Your story gives me hope!”

\n

And that…in a nutshell…is what keeps me going. It keeps me telling stories…even when you hurt…even when I hurt. Because life keeps going on around us whether our sense of time has stopped or whether death has taken the joy from our hearts. I write about Jesus and faith. I write about grief. I write about pain. I write about love and joy and rocking babies. I write about travel, and camping, and becoming strong. I write about farms and mowing and fried green tomatoes. I write about life and all it’s little bits…both good and bad.

\n

But mostly…I write about hope.

\n

❤️

\n
“You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my source of hope.”\n

Psalms 119:114 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-29T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/29/grief-time-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/28/when-bad-things-happenlean-in.html", "title": "When Bad Things Happen...Lean In Closer", "content_html": "

\"Prayers\" “Thank you so much for all of your prayers. I am so grateful.”

\n

Since June, there has been one catastrophic event after another befall my friends and family. Cancer, Stillbirth, Mental Heath Crises, Accidents, Illness, Death. One after another after another. I’ve heard it said “Bad things happen in threes.” Try three TIMES three…and then some! 

\n

I once read the book “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” by Harold Kushner. The author is a Conservative Rabbi and the book addressed the long standing debate: If God is loving and caring, how can so many bad things happen to good people? While the book was written in 1981, I turned to it in 2001 after 9/11.

\n

I had a difficult time reconciling a loving, omnipresent Deity “allowing” something so heinous to happen to thousands of innocent people. No doubt, people who loved Him, and worshiped Him whose only fault of the day was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

\n

I must admit, I was not yet a Christian on 9/11. It would be another three years before I took that leap of faith and surrendered to a God so much bigger than me. I was full of righteous anger that a “loving God” would allow this to happen. I could not wrap my head around it. I went to a psychiatrist and asked him for guidance. I was given a version of “these things happen”. Then I went to a Rabbi and asked him, “Where was God today???”

\n

“He was there,” he said. “He was under the desks with the mothers as they called frantically to tell their loved ones goodbye. He was in the stairwells with the brave men who were helping the injured trying to escape the chaos. He was with the First Responders as they rushed into the flaming buildings, knowing full well they may not come back out alive. And many did not.

\n

He was on the planes with the terrified passengers and crew members. He held steady those that made a mad rush on the terrorists over Pennsylvania. He was with the unsuspecting workers in the Pentagon and the Towers. God was everywhere, crying out in anguish as life after life was snuffed out.

\n

God does not punish us with cruelty. He does not take pleasure in our pain. But what He DOES do is turn those terrifying moments into opportunities to lean into Him. To call out for Him. To have faith that, even in the darkest moments, He never forsakes us.

\n

And that brings me to the events that have cast a shadow over my circle of friends and family…those I hold most dear and those whom I only know through others. We ask ourselves why these things happen, one on top of the other and the only answer there could be is…this is the nature of life. 

\n

As Stephen Colbert so eloquently stated on the subject of grief and the loss of his father and two brothers in a plane crash when he was ten: about learning to “love the thing that I most wish had not happened.” He went on to say: “It’s a gift to exist and with existence comes suffering. There’s no escaping that. What do you get from loss? You get awareness of other people’s loss, which allows you to connect with that other person, which allows you to love more deeply and to understand what it’s like to be a human being if it’s true that all humans suffer.”

\n

I hate that my loved ones and friends are suffering. I wish I could take that pain away from them. But, if by doing so, I would rob them of the awareness of other people’s loss and subsequent connection with them, then I am denying them their humanness…their connectedness. I would rob them of the opportunity to love more deeply and to truly understand what it’s like to be human. 

\n

What I CAN do for them is to be there for them, to hold a sacred, safe space for them to come to and grieve. And I can encourage them to seek a closer relationship with their higher power, which for me personally is God.

\n

Our pastor said something the other day that struck me. I’m paraphrasing, but it went something like this: When disaster strikes you and you wail in your grief, this is normal. But lean in very close and put your ear to God’s lips and listen. 

\n

He is closest to the brokenhearted.

\n

❤️

\n
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”\n

Psalms 34:18 NLT

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-28T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/28/when-bad-things-happenlean-in.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/25/singing-with-jesus.html", "title": "Singing with Jesus", "content_html": "

\"Pear “Mr. FixIt says our pear trees have never produced…he thought they were ornamental. This year, they’re loaded!”

\n

The other day I had to have a fasting blood draw for some tests. When I came out of the lab, I was humming a praise song as I walked through the lobby. “Your promise still stands…great is your faithfulness, your faithfulness.” 

\n

The woman in front of me turned around and gave me a huge smile and said, “You must be really happy! I’m a singer, too. I’m always walking around singing.”

\n

I smiled back. “Well, Jesus is always with me and we love to sing together.” 

\n

She stopped and looked at me and said, “That’s a really good thing. I like that!”

\n

Yesterday was a busy day. We had our class picnic in the afternoon. Then, Mr. FixIt went to help someone with a move and I went home and mowed five acres. Then I cleaned the pool. When I mow the lawn, I use a pair of ear protectors that have Bluetooth speakers in them so I can listen to the music on my phone. I crank up my worship music and once in a while I have to laugh when I catch myself driving with one hand and praising with the other!

\n

Mr. FixIt came home when I was just finishing cleaning the pool. He was kind enough to deal with back flushing the pump for me so I didn’t have to keep getting out of the pool to do it. There is a decided turn in the temperatures that have put the unmistakable tinge of fall in the air. Mr. FixIt said the temp was 54 yesterday morning and very foggy when he left to work on the porch he’s building with a friend. 

\n

And today is church day…my favorite day of every single week! See you this evening for Sunday Evening Prayer Circle!

\n

❤️

\n
“Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people’s business. We command such people and urge them in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and work to earn their own living. As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good.”\n

2 Thessalonians 3:11-13 NLT

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-25T01:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/25/singing-with-jesus.html", "tags": ["Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/21/always-choose-joy-unless-you.html", "title": "Always Choose Joy. Unless You Can’t...", "content_html": "

\"Compassion “Here’s to the compassionate people!”

\n

I’ve been on a JOY kick all year. Ok. I get it. I just got married in October and I’m full of the feels. But yesterday, I got a reminder that sometimes…no matter how much you WANT to…joy eludes you for an indeterminate amount of time.

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I belong to a few widow’s support groups on Facebook. I have cockily thought to myself from time to time that I certainly don’t NEED a widow’s support group anymore. That is, until I DO. Then I am ever so grateful for those who share and lift each other up, no matter where they land on the grief/time continuum.

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There have been times when I read about the desperate sadness we as the bereaved quite normally go through and my heart breaks for them. I think of all the times I didn’t think I could go on. I think of all the wonderful people who supported and loved me through the most horrific event I have experienced up to this moment in time. There were people I didn’t even know…you readers…who lifted me and helped me move forward, even as I tried to lift others. 

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But yesterday there was a post that garnered a good deal of pushback and it gave me pause. Basically, this person was saying…just choose joy. That’s a gross simplification, but that was the bottom line. Just choose joy. It made me think about my cheerleading and jumping on the JOY TRAIN and how it may seem dismissive of those who are still in the active throes of grief. 

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It’s damned hard to find joy when the person who was so much your SOURCE of joy is no longer here. I know this in the core of my being. When I was in my darkest dark place in grief, I truly felt I would never find a glimmer of happiness in this lifetime again…let alone JOY. And yes…you DO have to make a lot of choices in this new normal. One of them is choosing to keep living. Choosing to keep trying. Choosing to keep moving forward no matter HOW hard it is or lonely or heart breaking. 

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We choose to do this for others….our kids, our parents, our friends…even our person who “would want me to live my life”. Eventually, it is my fervent HOPE that we choose to do this for ourselves. 

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I have been guilty of using the word “choose” a little too blithely, I’m afraid. And if I have, and it has caused you pain, may I offer my humblest apologies. It is not easy to choose when you are in overwhelming pain. It’s not that I forgot this…but maybe I push it a bit too far out of reach to mentor as effectively as I would like to. 

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I want you to have hope. I want you to find joy. I want you to experience good things in your life again. I know it CAN happen…I’m proof. It just needs to happen in its own time. And when you DO experience what passes as joy, it may not look the same as someone else’s and that’s ok. I just wanted you to know…I haven’t forgotten those of you whose hearts are so incredibly crushed. I will strive to always hold a sacred space for you here.

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❤️

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“My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.”\n

Psalm 119:50 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-21T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/21/always-choose-joy-unless-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/19/bowling-season-has-begun.html", "title": "Bowling Season Has Begun", "content_html": "

\"Pink “Pink roses and strawberries…and bowling season. Somebody loves me!”

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Mr. FixIt is an avid bowler. He’s been on two bowling leagues for the last thirty-five years and he enjoys it immensely. He has friends there. He has ample opportunity to talk. It’s his guy time. And, I enjoy having a couple of evenings a week to do whatever I want to do as well. Honestly, I fell asleep late in the afternoon and didn’t hear him leave. When I woke up, I caught up with my Sunday evening phone calls and chats so it was a relaxing evening.

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When he arrived home, he went into the kitchen to fix something to eat and we were trying to carry on a conversation while I was in the family room. He called out, “You know…I could hear you better if you were in here with me.” Of course! Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what we’re doing, we forget the basic manners and niceties we should offer those we love most.

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I walked into the kitchen and there on the counter was a dozen pink roses and two cartons of fresh strawberries! I am always thunderstruck when he surprises me with these lovely unexpected gifts of love. 

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I looked at him and smiled. “What’s this?”

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“It’s been a little while since I brought you flowers. It was time.” He smiled back.

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What goodness this is…this life that is sweeter than any red strawberry…softer than any pink rosebud. This is a blessing. This is God’s gift to me. This man who lifts me up and celebrates who I am. Who cheers me on and encourages me to explore and be everything I can be. This man who holds my hand in church and prays alongside me. Who holds me and comforts me when I am sick or sad. I only pray I give him this same love back every day of my life.

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There was so much sadness in my life after Mr. Virgo died. I swore I would never fall in love…never remarry…because the thought of going through that again was too much to bear. Then color came back into my life. And I could hear music and I could breathe and somehow I knew I could love again. I don’t know how long we have together…but it’s bowling season and I have strawberries and pink roses and my life is good.

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❤️

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“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”\n

Matthew 5:4 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2019-08-19T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/19/bowling-season-has-begun.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/18/let-the-sun-shine.html", "title": "“Let The Sun Shine...”", "content_html": "

\"Woodstock\" “The Ubiquitous Photo from Woodstock”

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Fifty years ago this weekend, a gazillion people descended on Mr. Yasgur’s New York farm just five hundred miles from where I grew up. What started out as a ticketed music event soon devolved into chaos as tens of thousands of unticketed hippies made their way into the tiny village of Bethel. The festival had already suffered a last minute change of venue and was seriously short on cash, but there came a point where Woodstock took on a life of its own.

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Fifty years have passed. I didn’t go, of course. I was only sixteen and actually didn’t even hear about it till it was on the news. Not that I would have done something so brazen as to defy my parents because I know they never would have allowed me to go. I never even skipped a class in school, let alone run off to a hippy concert five hundred miles away. Still, I marveled at the mass of humanity. And, I liked the music. 

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It was such a crazy summer…the Summer of ‘69. The Summer of Love. That’s what we called it. But the older generations thought we young people were out of our minds. Sex, drugs, and Rock & Roll. And now look where we are. I saw a meme today. A grandpa was saying he fought in WWII and built his house with his own two hands. His great grandson said, “Sometimes I put a meme on Facebook and it gets a lot of likes.” That is so sad…and unfortunately, all too true.

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We didn’t have the internet in 1969. We didn’t have the news on 24/7/365. We didn’t have violent video games. We didn’t have as many latch key kids and no iPad kids or YouTube kids. Dr. Spock was just beginning to tell us how to raise our kids and to never swat their butts or we would bruise their fragile self-esteems. I’ll tell you what, if I sassed back to my parents, they bruised my “self-esteem” with whatever was handy. I did the same with my kids. Nowadays, you can have your kids taken away for that. And they know it.

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I remember Daughter #1 saying she was going to call Child Protective Services because I wouldn’t let her go to a party. I smiled and recited the number to her. Then I took her car keys. It’s hard to parent now. Having the grandkids over this week with their own little ones made me compare how easy I had it compared to what they are facing. And I didn’t have it all that easy. 

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After my first divorce, I was a single mom in Denver. My family lived in West Virginia. I didn’t have anyone I could leave the baby with while I went to work. I had to find child care…and pray they wouldn’t hurt my daughter. I lived in HUD housing, on food stamps and WIC. I drove a beat up old Pontiac that I paid some Iranians $200 for. The hood and the trunk were wired closed with coat hangers. All four sides were dented in. I prayed every day I could get to work so I could take care of us. I didn’t have a smart phone and five sets of grandparents to step in when I was overwhelmed.

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God knows, I made plenty of mistakes in those early years. It’s a wonder we made it through. The music of 1969 was five years old before my daughter was born. I look back now in awe. I knew I’d be “old” someday. I just thought it would take longer. Oh, sixty-six isn’t OLD, exactly. I sure feel the difference, just in the last couple of years. Mr. FixIt and I work very hard and it’s taking it’s toll. I hurt in places that never hurt before. It takes me a bit to get moving. But, like my husband says…you’ve got to keep moving or you’ll stop.

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Fifty years since Woodstock…and there’s a real part of me that genuinely feels a little past my prime. However, I’m about to take a brand new camper wherever I want for five months and write about it! Isn’t that just about the coolest thing? I wouldn’t take who I was in 1969 back for anything! 

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“Let the sun shine…let the sun shine in…the sun…shine in!”

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❤️

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“I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body,”\n

2 Peter 1:13 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2019-08-18T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/18/let-the-sun-shine.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/17/running-on-empty.html", "title": "Running on Empty", "content_html": "

\"Surge “Something’s going on with my electric supply.”

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I thought I was tired Thursday night! Then yesterday hit. It started out when I got an e-mail reminding me there was a form I was supposed to send on Monday! With going to the farm, then coming back to company, smoking what feels like half a pig and processing it, I totally spaced getting that form sent.

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I didn’t have ink in my printer, of course. So I ran to town and had the form printed at Office Depot. I took a photo of it and sent it to them, but got another e-mail that it wasn’t adequate. So, when I got home, I popped the original in an envelope and took it to the post office. I got home and Mr. FixIt asked if we got any mail. Now that I thought of it, we hadn’t received any mail since we returned from Colorado over a week ago and that’s highly unusual. I drove BACK to town to the post office again and they aren’t holding the mail. Crazy that we haven’t received even an ad. That never happens!

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As soon as I got home the second time, I hopped on the riding mower and four hours later, in 92 degree heat, I was finished. By this time, we had more company. I quickly changed and hopped in the pool for a refreshing dip. Everyone left to go to the pizza place and to get ice cream, but I elected to stay home. I’d had too much heat and I didn’t feel terrific.

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I went out to hook big TOW-Wanda up to the electric. I used a new extension cord and the same outlet I’ve used before. When I plugged in the Surge Protector, it said the ground was open. Then when I plugged in the camper, it said there was Reverse Polarity. That means a line in the outlet is switched, but that can’t be because no one has been here or done anything to our electric. As I was pulling the electrical cord out, there were lots of wasps flying around the opening so they’ve built a nest in there. Our grandson used the last of the wasp spray yesterday when he was helping Mr. FixIt so that has to wait. However, when I was pulling the cord out, it got stuck. I pulled and pulled with all my might. It suddenly let go and threw me backwards where I landed on my elbow and smacked the back of my head. I’m really careful about hitting my head since I had the car accident in 2017, but I think the only thing that was bruised was my pride. And a little scrape on my elbow.

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Our grandson and his family are going back home today so things should settle a little bit. I still need to clean the smoker out. I asked Mr. FixIt if I could use the power washer but he said since it’s electric, it probably wouldn’t be a very good idea. Poo. I think it sounds like an excellent idea…as long as I don’t have it plugged in. But then again…I can’t figure out the plug-in for the camper, so maybe he’s right.

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I have a prayer request a day early…please keep my brother-friend in your prayers. He had a frightening medical emergency the other day. It could have been so much worse. Just lift him up for complete healing, please! 

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Last night was just one of those moments I’ve only seemed to have since Mr. Virgo died. I get to where I’m running on empty and I think, “Please, just don’t give me one more thing to handle today, Lord…I’m at the end of my rope.” Then, when I get off to myself and have a moment to catch my breath, I remind myself…when I’m at the end of my rope, God ties a knot in it so I don’t fall off. There is less of “me” at the end of that rope, therefore…there is more of God.

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❤️

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““You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.”\n

Matthew 5:3 MSG

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-17T01:30:59-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/17/running-on-empty.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Grace","God","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/15/the-metamorphosis-of-grief.html", "title": "The Metamorphosis of Grief", "content_html": "

\"Country “The Farm. Clockwise from top left: Drying the laundry on the front porch is a country thing, Elderberries, A Rose of Sharon appeared from nowhere, Life is Simple, An Appalachian Pour Over, Blue granite pan used for dipping water out of the rain barrel.

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Living in the country, you see many examples of metamorphosis. Where there once was a hairy caterpillar, there becomes a moth. Where there once was a striped green worm with a spiky tail, noshing on a milkweed leaf, there becomes a monarch butterfly. Where there once was a grub with legs, crawling up a tree and developing a hard shell, it soon splits and a locust emerges to call in the autumn season…signaling it’s time for school to start.

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Just as there is a time for everything in its season, so it is with grief. I was thinking about this yesterday while I was trimming back the wild grape vines threatening to overtake the farm. When this blog began, I was fresh in my grief. I promised you then I would be honest and speak to you from my heart about exactly what it was like…at least for me…to go through the loss of my husband. There were times when it was so painfully ugly that it had to be difficult to read. Yet, so many of you have been here from the very beginning. 

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This blog goes through a metamorphosis every time something changes in my life. What started out as a method of pouring out my pain, morphed into learning how to navigate that. It changed and grew just as I changed and grew. It’s not just a grief blog, although there are hundreds of posts in the archives about grief. There was a time, when my grief had subsided to a nagging undercurrent, when I thought maybe I should just quit and make it all about grief. Just leave it there. But I couldn’t stop writing. 

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Writing became a part of me…as much a part of me as my hands and feet, my heart and lungs. So I decided to take you with me when I traveled, when I stepped into the dating arena, when I got married. I thought…ok, maybe I’m done now. Maybe I’ll just stop here. But, I kept living…and each new day brought a new experience, a new insight, and new lesson. And it became my devotional. 

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In a good cake recipe, bland ingredients like flour get mixed with sweet ingredients like sugar and butter. If baked with nothing else added, you wouldn’t have cake…you’d have some hard, flat, dry cardboard. But add eggs and leavening….take your time….and mix it well….and it rises high and beautiful. My life…my stories…my experiences are the flour and sugar. The scripture at the bottom of each post…illustrating my thinking in that particular moment…that’s the leavening. The eggs. The ingredient that makes the finished product perfect.

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I know it’s not a grief blog so much anymore, even though I touch on the topic from time to time. That’s the nature of metamorphosis. Things are always changing…even grief. The numbing pain of the first year, the sharp pain of the second year, the personal growth of my third year, the stretching of my wings in the fourth, the explorations of the fifth, and finally…being remarried in the sixth…my grief has gone through its own metamorphosis and has settled into an undercurrent. A background noise that I have become accustomed to, yet it’s still very much there. 

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❤️

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“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”\n

2 Corinthians 3:18 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-15T01:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/15/the-metamorphosis-of-grief.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Aging","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/05/full-up-to-here.html", "title": "Full Up to Here!", "content_html": "

\"Bumper-to-bumper “Sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic up to Eisenhower Tunnel”

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When I first moved to Colorado, Denver was a cow town compared to what it is today. In 1975, the Denver Metro Area consisted of approximately 650,000 people from what I can deduce for a graph I found. The population now is over 3,000,000! And it’s not just the Denver Metro Area. The states population has grown steadily….every single year. It’s crazy!

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When I moved to Glenwood Springs in 1986, there were two stop lights in the entire town. If it took us five minutes to get across town we thought we were in some terrible traffic jam. Now, it doesn’t matter what time of the day it is, traffic everywhere is bumper to bumper.

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We left Montrose yesterday morning at 10:30. It took us eight full hours to drive 263 miles to Denver! Clear roads. A little rain around Eagle. The majority of the time spent driving was between Silverthorne and Idaho Springs. The Eisenhower Tunnel is a huge bottleneck and as soon as the toll lane starts around Idaho Springs, things loosened up and we made good time.

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I thought it was exacerbated by the fact I have lived in the country for the last five years, but everyone here comments on it. And I have to tell you, I have never in my life walked into a Walmart or a mall…anywhere…and had the thought of a mass shooting go through my mind. But last night, we stopped at Walmart on our way to Ben & Sue’s house, and that’s the first thing that came to my mind. 

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“What is that crowd doing hanging around the front entrance?” 

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“Is there going to be trouble here?”

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“Where is the nearest exit?”

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I hate that. I hate that chill that went up my spine. I hate that I looked in the faces of those around me and wondered what they were capable of. Then I found myself in the cereal aisle and I heard Mr. FixIt’s friendly banter. He can (and does) speak to anyone. 

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“You only came in for two items? Well…you’ve sure gone over on this trip, huh?”

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I turned to find a Hispanic woman smiling shyly at him.

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“Yes…it happens all the time!”

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I looked in her face and saw kindness and a slight self-deprecation at her inability to stick to a shopping list. And, what I saw was no different than me.

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I smiled warmly at her and said, “Oh, I do that, too! What’s worse is when I come home and don’t have half of what I came in for in the first place!”

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This was a welcome moment in an otherwise horrifying set of current events. I am devastated. I am outraged. And, I will do what I can and not just send thoughts and prayers, although those are flowing fervently. My heart is broken for the victims of yet more violence.

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We pack up the truck this morning and say goodbye to to our Colorado peeps and hit the road for West Virginia. Please keep us in your prayers for travel mercies but more importantly, pray for those innocents who were just going about their day.

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❤️

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“Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way; say to those with fearful hearts, “Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you.””\n

Isaiah 35:3-4 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-05T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/05/full-up-to-here.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","God","Fear","Courage","Warning","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/03/basking-in-the-glow-of.html", "title": "Basking in the Glow of Family", "content_html": "

\"Sunset “The sun goes down on the evening before my baby’s wedding. My heart is full!”

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Last night was amazing. Every fear and trepidation I had beforehand dissipated as soon as we pulled into the driveway at Hubby #2’s house. He was so gracious, as was his wife. Their house is stunning. Their dogs are the sweetest things. Daughter #1 and her family were there when we arrived and soon after, my sister- and brother-in-law arrived from Utah. Oh, my gosh! It was so exciting to see them all!

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Just before dinner, my daughter and her fiancée arrived and we were a complete family. My brother enjoyed everyone and joined in the conversations. It really was perfect. What I learned from this: When you hand things over to God to take care of…you have to let go of it. I knew as I was driving over from Glenwood Springs…this was going to be good. This was going to be very, very good.

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After dinner, Daughter #2 came to me and said, “Mama…I have something for you to do tomorrow. You’re in charge of this…and making sure he has a seat at my wedding.”

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With that she handed me a framed photo of Mr. Virgo. She was very close to her stepfather and losing him was so hard on her. The suddenness of seeing his smiling face…so totally unexpected…took my breath away and I started crying. I wasn’t the only one. It was a very special moment and it still makes me tearful as I write this. What a beautiful gesture…what a beautiful God moment….what love…what treasures I have in this family.

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My baby is getting married today. My heart is so full! Thank you Jesus for every gift you have given me in this life!

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❤️

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“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”\n

Song of Songs 8:6-7 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-08-03T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/03/basking-in-the-glow-of.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Travel","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Choices","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/08/02/no-worse-for-the-wear.html", "title": "No Worse for the Wear", "content_html": "

\"Old “While once sleek and shiny, these vehicles still hold a deep beauty.”

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We left Ridgway yesterday saying goodbye to our friends, Linda and Jim. We both choked up…goodbyes have always been difficult for me ever since I lost Mr. Virgo. We just don’t know if and when we will meet again and it tears at my heartstrings. I know Linda loves Colorado, but deep down, she has that Ohio farm girl in there somewhere. I loved watching her as she listened to Mr. FixIt’s unmistakable West Virginia accent and she was transported back over the years and the miles to the home of her youth.

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Even though we didn’t go to the same high school with Linda, we know many of the same people…one of whom is Jeff. He and his wife Julie moved to the Ridgway area a couple of years ago. It’s funny how the webs of friendship cross over. Linda and Jeff were both friends with Cindy (a girl from my class) and that’s how they connected. I am friends with Cindy and that’s how Linda connected with me and the connection with Jeff was made through Linda and because he was on the boy’s gymnastics team while I competed with the girl’s team the same year. And….Mr. FixIt was on that same team with Jeff! See what a teeny tiny world it is? Jeff and Julie joined us for dinner at Linda’s Wednesday night. Mr. FixIt hadn’t seen Jeff in forty-eight years. There were lots of stories and laughs and we all had a grand time.

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We drove north out of Ridgway, through Montrose and Olathe (home of Olathe Sweet Corn) and on to Delta. I kept my eyes peeled for a place I found when I was on “The Grand Adventure”…that three month odyssey into the wilderness and backroads after Mr. Virgo died. It’s just a vacant lot on the main drag that’s filled with old, broken down cars and trucks. I don’t know why it attracted me that first time, but I couldn’t wait to show Mr. FixIt.

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We were almost to our turnoff to head east over McClure Pass when I saw them. Red vehicles…either from the faded and flaked paint or the rust beneath. Some had their hoods strapped down. Others had holes in the glass from years of being the target of vandals or the errant stone thrown back in the day when they motored down the highways of old. Mr. FixIt caught his breath.

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“Oh, wow! Would you look at that!” A smile crept across his face and his eyes sparkled like a little boy who just found the coolest treasure stuck on a dusty shelf. I immediately pulled over and threw the truck in park. We jumped out and walked up and down the rows of derelict automobiles resting on their rims because of long ago rotted and airless tires. We peeked in through hazy windows at the scraps of stuffing clinging to the old and rusted springs of the seats inside. 

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“Oh, look! Is that a Nash? A Studebaker? What’s this one? Ford used to make a Cortina. Do you suppose that’s what this one is?” This went on and on as we dodged the large mud holes formed from the afternoon storms we’ve been getting and made our way through the maze of cars.

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As I looked at these rusted out hulks, I thought about beauty being in the eye of the beholder. I have to be perfectly honest…I’ve had some trepidation about the wedding this weekend. My daughter’s dad lives in a world I no longer belong to. He’s a doctor, and consequently lives like a doctor in a fine house. With fine friends. And a fine wife. Fine furnishings. Fine food. A fine life. I used to circle in that orbit, although I never really felt a part of that world, although I tried very hard to make myself fit in. 

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I have to admit. I’ve let myself be a little self conscious about my comfortable tummy and my jelly thighs and my granny-wing upper arms knowing ever so painfully how that was judged by those in that orbit. I’ve been praying about it a lot. And God whispered to me as I wandered amongst these vehicles what were once sleek and shiny and new.

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“You don’t have to fear that world. You don’t have to feel bad for the way you fit in your body all comfy-like. You don’t have to concern yourself with what anyone else thinks of you….just remember I love you. Completely. Just the way you are. Just love them all the way I love you.”

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You see…the very act of feeling self conscious and judged puts me in a place where I’m being the judge. I don’t know what’s in their hearts and minds. A lot of water has gone under the bridge since those days so long ago when I circled around that orbit. It’s a foreign land to me now. I have no reason to feel “less than” anyone. I can walk right in, on the arm of a man I adore and who adores me right back. We’ve created a life that fits us perfectly and we’re perfectly happy.

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It’s all about love, trust, letting go, and letting God take care of the details. I’m comfortable in this life, this body…no matter where I go or who I run into. None of this is about me anyway. It’s totally about my daughter and her joy anyway. Yes…it’s all about love!

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❤️

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“Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Do not be angry beyond measure, Lord; do not remember our sins forever. Oh, look on us, we pray, for we are all your people.”    Isaiah 64:8-9 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-08-02T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/08/02/no-worse-for-the-wear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/29/abundance.html", "title": "Abundance", "content_html": "

\"Weminuche “Heading into the Weminuche Wilderness”

\n

Joyful abundance! Mr. FixIt is such a great traveler. I love showing him places he hasn’t seen. As a matter of fact, he told me the other night his neck hurts from swiveling back and forth, trying to take it all in. We arrived in Pagosa Springs on Friday afternoon. This is where Mr. Virgo and I lived in 2008. He was the General Manager for a 4200 acre luxury resort here and I did the marketing and catering. It was a short-lived position as our job was to try to turn their losses into profits and try as we might, it was not to be. This is the nature of being a fixer. If you can’t, they close and you lose your job. If you can, they sell and you lose your job. We didn’t really expect to be there long term.

\n

Pagosa Springs is a gorgeous area and I enjoyed the rugged beauty of it. I did not like the short summer, long winter, and gobs of snow. So I was just as happy to get out of there and move on. Still, it is someplace I wanted Mr. FixIt to see and experience. We went out for a wonderful breakfast yesterday morning then headed to the backroads. Mr. Virgo and I used to spend every day off exploring the many dirt roads in the Weminuche Wilderness. This is where I came when I started my grief journey in Little TOW-Wanda. I carried strands of Mr. Virgo’s silver hair into the dense woods above Williams Lake and buried them at the base of a tree, affixing a cross to mark the spot.

\n

We didn’t walk back into the woods yesterday. That wasn’t part of the deal. That was mine…my memory. As a matter of fact, as we drove deeper and deeper into the woods, I felt Mr. Virgo so strongly…as if he were gliding along with us. I told Mr. FixIt story after story. Here’s where we worked. Here’s where we shopped. Here’s where we loved to eat dinner. There’s the car wash where they had to unfreeze the doors so we could get out. That little bakery has the best pastries. This restaurant has the best coffee. My sweet husband held my hand and smiled and nodded and encouraged me to share because he knows this helps me heal and move forward. 

\n

Then…in the middle of the afternoon, we found out…great grandchild #3 is on the way!!! Another little boy…arriving in January!!!

\n

My heart is about to explode! THIS!!! This is what I so very nearly lost in January 2000 when I overdosed. At the time, my world was so small, so dark, so difficult and I couldn’t see anything beyond that darkness. And now…look at this! My world is so blessed with such abundance and joy, I can hardly contain myself! Babies! The Wedding! My sweet husband! My wonderful family! My health! My heart!

\n

Thank you…..thank you dearest Heavenly Father…for healing my family…for healing me…for giving me Mr. Virgo to show me I was worthy of earthly love…for giving me Mr. FixIt for helping me through the most difficult period of my life…and for this tremendous family, mine and his, that brings our numbers up and up and up! I’m so high on life, you have to scrape me off the clouds!

\n

❤️

\n
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”\n

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-29T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/29/abundance.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Aging","Change","Be Joyful!","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/28/one-of-these-things-is.html", "title": "One of These Things is Not Like the Other...a BABY!", "content_html": "

\"Vacation “Clockwise, top left: Hollyhocks, Toes along the San Juan River, The view from Independence Pass, and….Baby Boo!!!!!”

\n

It was a beautiful day for a baby! We had a leisurely breakfast and headed through Aspen and up Independence Pass. Mr. Fixit ooooohed and aaaaahed all the way. He’s never seen the likes of Colorado’s beauty. We stopped at the top of the pass and I was going to walk out to the windy point to take pictures but I could hardly catch my breath at 12,000+ feet elevation so I elected to stay in the car taking slow, deep breaths. I was glad to get down lower.

\n

We stopped here and there. When I saw the sign for the turnoff to St. Elmo, I hung a right and went back in time to the 1800’s. It has probably been 40 years since I was there. We looked around at the old buildings and antiques. We sat on a bench and ate ice cream. And we finally climbed back in the truck and headed further south. 

\n

Along about Saguache…the phone rang and all I could hear was a tiny baby boy crying. “Wait….OMGosh!!! Is that a baby????? He’s here already????” Yes! Our tiny little Boo made his debut at around 5:30 eastern time weighing in at 6lbs13oz! And, of course….he’s perfect!!!

\n

So, the mountains and the flowers, the river and the relaxing beside it….all pale in comparison to being a great grandma…again! What more could I tell you about today??? Thank you God, for protecting Mommy & Daddy and Nana’s little Boo!

\n

❤️

\n
“A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.”\n

John 16:21 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-28T01:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/28/one-of-these-things-is.html", "tags": ["Health","Colorado","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Fun","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/27/there-but-for-the-grace.html", "title": "There But For the Grace of God", "content_html": "

\"Mudslide “Yesterday’s mudslide west of Glenwood Springs.”

\n

I had two epiphanies yesterday. The first was the full realization that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. On occasion, I wonder in the back of my mind if it was the right thing to do selling my house. I sometimes wonder if I should have kept it and rented it out for income. Then, we drove through Glenwood Springs yesterday…on a Friday afternoon…on Mountain Fair Weekend. It. Was. Insane!

\n

The second epiphany was this: As we drove into town, it was early afternoon and I was going through a mental list of things to do in the area. I looked up at the gondola going up to the Glenwood Adventure Park and thought that would be fun. But the clouds coming over the Flat Tops Wilderness Area were very dark and I knew rain was coming. Scratch that idea. My next thought was to see if my friend Terri was around in New Castle so I could introduce her to Mr. Fixit. Again…I looked at those ominous clouds and I just got a cold chill. We would have to go through South Canyon to get there and I was definitely being told not to go there.

\n

Instead, we turned south and headed to Carbondale. I couldn’t reach my friends who are camping in the area so I found, and took, the last hotel room available in the area. And believe me, they were charging premium prices for rooms. We are at the peak of tourist season and the hotels have to make hay while the sun shines. The rates are double…or more…what they were two years ago when we traveled through here at the same time of the year.

\n

It wasn’t twenty minutes after I decided to turn south that an emergency road bulletin came over my phone. The very road I was contemplating going over was now completely impassable with a mud and rock slide in South Canyon. If I hadn’t heeded that nudge, we would have been sitting right in the middle of it! 

\n

On top of all the rest of the crazy traffic, the interstate was closed because of the mudslide and they directed the west bound traffic down through Carbondale…during rush hour…and the opening of the Carbondale Mountain Fair! It took us forty-five minutes to go two miles. I don’t ever want to live in that kind of congestion again!

\n

\"Traffic\" “Traffic being rerouted by the mudslide.”

\n

I don’t know if it’s the fact I’ve been living a peaceful life on five acres in West Virginia, or if it’s the fact that there are a gazillion people trying to cram into a small space and have fun, but I just couldn’t take the crowds and busy, and traffic, and noise. I know I did the right thing selling my house and I am exactly WHERE I am supposed to be…and with WHOM.

\n

Today, we head over Independence Pass and down through the Collegiate Peaks. Mr. Fixit is truly enjoying the scenery and that makes me very happy!

\n

❤️

\n
““Consider carefully what you hear,” he continued. “With the measure you use, it will be measured to you—and even more.”\n

Mark 4:24 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-27T01:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/27/there-but-for-the-grace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/26/road-trippin.html", "title": "Road Trippin’", "content_html": "

\"Loveland “Views from Loveland Pass”

\n

We got a slow start yesterday. We cleaned out the truck and packed, checked and rechecked to make sure we had everything, then almost pulled away without my brother’s package we waited for. Once we retrieved that, we were on our way! We drove over to the west side of town, down through Golden, then out Clear Creek Canyon and picked up I-70 at Idaho Springs. I love starting out my trips that way. The canyon immediately makes you feel like you’re in the mountains and you don’t have to run the gauntlet that is Floyd Hill.

\n

We exited the interstate just before the Eisenhower Tunnel and took Route 6 over Loveland Pass. We have a function on our GPS that tells you what your elevation is. It was right on…11,995 feet at the top of the pass. We stopped and took lots of pictures along the way. It was so much fun to play tourist and show Mr. FixIt some of the hidden beauty of Colorado.

\n

We dropped down into Keystone then on into Frisco. I was hoping the weather would be cooperative and we could check out the chuck wagon dinner at Two Below Zero, but it was really cool and rainy so we decided to try another time. We walked the streets of Frisco, checked out the little shops, and ate dinner at Bread + Salt. I wasn’t overly impressed, but I was hungry so it was ok. 

\n

This is a Gypsy trip…one without reservations, except for the wedding stay. We sat in the truck and browsed the hotel.com app and chose a hotel in Keystone with a really reasonable price. $76…but with taxes and fees it was $92. Welcome to tourism in Colorado. The room was perfectly fine. The beds were comfy and clean, there wasn’t an exceptional amount of noise, and there’s a complimentary breakfast. You can’t beat that when you consider most of the others in the tourist towns here are upwards of $200 a night.

\n

The biggest problem that occurred was when I went to check in. I cannot find my driver’s license anywhere. I’ve searched through everything. The last time I remember having it was at the Quick Care on the 22nd. I called them and the pharmacy and they don’t have it. So now I have to see if I can get a replacement sent to me here. It’s not the end of the world and it certainly won’t ruin my fun. But I am frustrated that I’ve misplaced it.

\n

I have no idea where we’ll end up today, but no matter where it is, it will be beautiful! Colorado has some stunning scenery!!! Oh…and please send up a little prayer for our family that is scheduled to grow in the next day or two. Our great grandson will make his debut in West Virginia and we can’t be there to welcome him. Prayers for a safe delivery and a healthy, happy baby, mama, and daddy!

\n

❤️

\n
“If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.”\n

1 Corinthians 13:2 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-26T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/26/road-trippin.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Travel","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Gratitude","Love","God","Peace","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/25/a-glimpse-of-heaven.html", "title": "A Glimpse of Heaven", "content_html": "

\"A “A Glimpse of Heaven in the Colorado Night Sky”

\n

I knew this would happen. I blinked and a month flew by. I left on this journey exactly four weeks ago. Time is such a weird thing after loss. On the one hand…it flies. On the other…it stands still. I got some quality time with my Colorado family. Mr. FixIt has been here almost two weeks already. The package I’ve been expecting for my brother arrived yesterday so now we can pack up and go off on a little adventure on our own before the wedding.

\n

Grandma L. is still hanging in there. She is such a strong woman. She rallies and fades, rallies and fades. They moved her from her apartment at assisted living to a skilled nursing facility on Monday. She had a dream on Tuesday night. At least, she thinks it was a dream. She was lying in bed and her legs felt like stone. But then, she was standing up…strong and vital. She looked around it was so glorious. She saw a crevice and knew she was supposed to jump over it. She knew she COULD. She didn’t see Grandpa right off, but she knew she could find him easily. Instead, she decided to come back and tell us all how absolutely peaceful and grand it is. I love that she could see it all so clearly and she isn’t afraid.

\n

I know she might pass away while we are gone, but I didn’t want to wear her out by adding to the number of visitors going to see her. There are other closer relatives who need to spend time with her. I was able to hug on her last Saturday at her birthday party and she absolutely knows how I feel about her. Her absence will leave a gaping hole for quite some time in the lives of those who knew and loved her.

\n

We all went out for supper last night after they moved everything out of Grandma’s apartment at the assisted living place. There were twelve of us. As I walked back to the table with my food, I paused for a moment and gazed over this beautiful family my daughter was so fortunate to marry into. Another part of my bonus family. We are so blessed…with kids and their kids and us grandparents. We are becoming the matriarchs. I thought it would take longer.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I will head out today for a week of touring the state. We were supposed to do this with the camper, but it’ll all work out without it. I love showing him places he’s never been! So…here we go on another road trip, y’all. Hang on!

\n

❤️

\n
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”\n

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-25T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/25/a-glimpse-of-heaven.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/24/pennies-from-heaven.html", "title": "Pennies from Heaven", "content_html": "

\"Women “Finally had a chance to visit with my friend, Michelle.”

\n

I’ve been writing a daily essay here for over six-and-a-half years now. I’ve heard from numerous people about odd things that have happened since their loved one died. Things that make them feel comforted…like they’re being watched over. Signs from Heaven. With me, it’s bluebirds and angel pennies.

\n

You’ve all heard of “pennies from heaven”. Folk lore says found coins come from angels throwing them in our path to remind us they were here. Something happened yesterday that was downright eerie…but in a wonderful way.

\n

I met my friend Michelle at the nail salon yesterday. We met years ago when I was a new widow and she was one of my fellow women campers who helped me find myself. We met at the salon because that was the one place we could absolutely stop and sit still for two hours. We both live very busy lives.

\n

During the course of our conversation, Michelle told me they were expecting her sweet grandfather to pass at anytime. As a matter of fact, she felt yesterday was his last day here on earth. We covered every topic under the sun and got caught up with what has been going on in each other’s lives. 

\n

When she was getting her manicure, I realized the polish on my toes wasn’t drying very fast so I excused myself to the other side of the room to place my feet under the lights. Finally, she came over to me to hug me goodbye. She had a call to make at noon and had to run. When I sat down at the table where the lights were, I placed my phone and water bottle on the counter. I didn’t notice the penny there till Michelle hugged me.

\n

I picked up the penny and showed it to her.

\n

“Look, I think this is for you! Maybe it’s your grandpa sending you a message.”

\n

I placed the penny in Michelle’s hand. She looked at her phone and said, “Hmmm, it’s 11:44. I’ll remember this if I hear of his passing.” With that, we said hugged and she went out the door.

\n

Twenty minutes later she texted me.

\n

“My grandfather passed away twenty minutes ago.”

\n

Coincidence? If so, it was uncanny. Who knows? I told her she needed to keep that penny in a special place. I keep all my angel pennies in a depression on the dashboard of my truck. I found two more right outside my truck at the next stop. I tucked them away with the others and whispered a “Thank You” to whoever dropped the pennies for us.

\n

❤️

\n
“And I heard a voice from heaven saying, \"Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.\" \"Blessed indeed,\" says the Spirit, \"that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them!\"”    Revelation 14:13 ESV
\n", "date_published": "2019-07-24T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/24/pennies-from-heaven.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Gratitude","God","Peace","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/22/finding-hope.html", "title": "Finding Hope", "content_html": "

\"Rainbow\" “God’s promise.”

\n

There have been so many times in my life when I felt I had no hope. I didn’t know about spiritual warfare. I didn’t know the enemy was the one whispering the lies about me into my heart and mind. My life had long stretches of darkness and it wasn’t until I became a Christian that I started to see light at the end of the tunnel.

\n

We went to church yesterday and took Little with us. We sat with our friend Rick and his wife Connie. The pastor is preaching a series on the elements and yesterday was about the wind. And hope. He focused on Ezekiel and the valley of the dry bones. As far as Ezekiel could see, the valley floor was covered with dry, sun-bleached bones. This represented the dried up, faithless Israelites. The Lord asked Ezekiel to speak to the dry bones. To tell them to listen to the Word of the Lord. When he did this, the bones started to rattle and come together. Tendons and muscle and skin formed and soon, they looked like you and me. But they had no life. No inner spark of hope. When Ezekiel told God he had only been halfway successful, God breathed his breath upon the bodies and they came alive and rose as a mighty army.

\n

I know what those bodies felt like. I was dry and sun-bleached in my bones for such a long time. And, when I surrendered, God blew His breath…His Spirit…into me and I rose up like a mighty warrior. Whenever I begin to feel less hopeful, I look for the wind. Mr. FixIt remarked the other day…it never seems terribly hot here in Colorado. Even when the temperature nears triple digits. The reason is two-fold. The humidity is low. And there is always a breeze. You can feel it across the hairs on your arms. And when a wisp of your hair blows across your face. You can see it in the trees and grasses of the field. You can watch it even high above the earth as the clouds in the sky scud along.

\n

When I look for the wind, I can see the breath of God as he works over us…his children. Even when I don’t see God’s promises in my current circumstances, I know He is there…working in the background. Even in my darkest moments…during the years of depression and the overdose, during a painful divorce, during the grief I suffered after losing Mr. Virgo…He was feverishly working to turn these terrible situations into something He could use for His Glory.

\n

Finding hope in today’s world can be so terribly difficult. It is easy to lose hope and see no way out. If you can just remember to feel the wind on your skin and focus on some good thing in your life, you can ignite hope within your soul. Even the smallest ember can be fanned into a flame when you seek and use the Breath of God. 

\n

❤️

\n
“The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?” I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.” Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’ ” So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them. Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’ ” So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army. Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’ ””\n

Ezekiel 37:1-14 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-22T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/22/finding-hope.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/20/hand-it-over.html", "title": "Hand it Over", "content_html": "

\"2 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7”

\n

I have struggled with anxiety all of my life. It’s so, so frustrating because I know what it is. I know the feelings are real, but they stem from thoughts. I have a whole toolbox of techniques that I’ve used over the years…some helpful, some decidedly harmful, all of them ineffective to a large degree. It wasn’t until I started studying the Bible looking for answers that I have begun to find some semblance of relief.

\n

I was reading a devotional about anxiety and fear this week and came across something I had never read before but it really struck home. It talked about a secondary effect of anxiety becoming “a fear of fear itself”. That sums it up so distinctly. I really HATE feeling afraid…to the point of fearing the fear. Suddenly, it just all seemed so ridiculous.

\n

The Bible talks a lot about fear and anxiety. So much so that it is apparent these feelings are prevalent in all humans to some degree. For years…decades…I felt weird about my anxiety. Like there was something wrong with me. That I was somehow flawed and no one else had these feelings. Knowing I’m not alone…even Joshua and Mary and countless others were told by God to not be afraid. That is so comforting to me.

\n

I am excited about the upcoming wedding in two weeks. I’m thrilled for my daughter and her happiness. And, it’s hard to tease out the difference between the butterflies of excitement and the quaking of anxiety. It affects me physically the same and my mind can easily take off on a wild tangent which isn’t anywhere I really want to go.

\n

This most recent Bible study I read says whenever the first feelings of anxiety or fear begin to come into your mind, think of a praise instead. Turn on praise music. Sing a praise song. Thank Jesus for waking you up this morning. What I’ve been doing is telling God about all the beautiful things we’re going to do the day of the wedding. I’ve been telling Him about the pretty dresses the girls are wearing. And all the people we’re going to see that we love and don’t get to see often enough. I’ve invited Him to come along with me and to be there right alongside each of us.

\n

There’s so much in life that can change plans at the last minute. There are illnesses in families or some other unforeseen circumstances that you can’t predict. It doesn’t help to be nervous or worried, but it’s hard not to be. As Jesus said, God takes care of the birds and the fields…surely He’ll take good care of us…even in our worst moments.

\n

I hand things over…repeatedly. And, it does get easier and easier to remember to give it to God first before I let my mind jump on the worry train and go off the rails. There will always be something you can worry about. That’s how the enemy steals your joy. And, there are situations in life that you can’t help but let affect you. Things like watching a loved one decline. Losing someone or something special. An unexpected diagnosis or financial difficulty. God wants to walk those paths with you. Reach out your hand and take His. He’s so much bigger than anything that troubles you.

\n

❤️

\n
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”\n

Philippians 4:6-7 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-20T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/20/hand-it-over.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/16/mother-cabrini-shrine.html", "title": "Mother Cabrini Shrine", "content_html": "

\"View “The view from Mother Cabrini Shrine is stunning!”

\n

The other night when I picked Mr. FixIt up from the airport, I was accelerating to get on the interstate when the transmission made an eerie slipping sound. I turned to him and said, “Did you hear that?” He did…it wasn’t just me! I had heard this same noise several times and I was really worried something was wrong with the transmission. But, Mr. FixIt has been in that truck hundreds of times and never heard it.

\n

Before I even got up yesterday, he and Ben had looked up the number for a reputable transmission shop nearby and as soon as I had a cup of coffee, I called them up. They told me to bring the truck right in and they would check it for me. The transmission fluid was low and they added a whole quart to it. Then the manager of the shop drove the truck around and came back. He said it made every sound it was supposed to and no slips. No surprise there. However, when I got out and drove it, I was pleasantly surprised to feel and hear how smoothly it was shifting, so I think we may have fixed the problem. When we prepared to leave, I asked how much I owed them and they said, “Not a thing. You have a great trip!”

\n

If you need a good transmission place in Arvada, Colorado…go to Jerrod’s!

\n

Since we suddenly had a free day in front of us, we ran to Starbucks for a cup of coffee then headed to the mountains. I was thinking of taking Mr. FixIt to Red Rocks Amphitheater, but I could see dark clouds starting to form in the west. I decided instead to turn into Mother Cabrini Shrine to explore instead.

\n

It has been a full forty years at the least since I’ve been up there. I once went up there and just sat in the field near the shrine to gaze out over downtown Denver. I haven’t explored when improvements were built there, but I don’t remember all those steps. My memory had a path going up and you could walk out into the field surrounding the statue of Jesus at the top of the hill. But, like I said…it has been four decades since I was there so I’m not sure my memory is accurate.

\n

I was surprised the chapel didn’t have candles to light in memory of someone. But there was a grotto below and a much smaller chapel with candles. I lit four candles for special people and said prayers for all of you. Then we went down to the springs. When Mother Cabrini purchased this land for a retreat for orphans, she told others she got it so cheap because there was no water. When she explored the land, she struck a rock with a staff, it broke open, and fresh spring water flowed out from it. We each drank a glass of this miracle water and thanked God for the blessing of the water in such an arid place. 

\n

Mother Cabrini is the first American to be canonized as a Saint. There is a small museum on the property with personal articles that belonged to her. There were also religious relics on display. You could even take a free third degree relic which was a laminated card with a tiny piece of fabric which had come into contact with Mother Cabrini’s clothing somewhere along the line. It was all quite fascinating.

\n

We left just as it started to sprinkle and headed to Olive Garden for an early supper. Then back to Ben and Sue’s. It was a fun day and a good workout with all the steps up to the Sacred Heart statue. This photo was taken about halfway up and if you zoom in, you can just make out the tall buildings of Downtown Denver in the distance. Day one of exploring is under our belts!

\n

❤️

\n
“\"Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. \"Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.”\n

Matthew 6:1-4 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-07-16T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/16/mother-cabrini-shrine.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Hope","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/08/quality-time.html", "title": "Quality Time", "content_html": "

\"Granddaughter “Little snoozing in the morning sunshine.”

\n

Yesterday was so much fun. Little absolutely loved sleeping in the camper. She went to sleep much earlier than usual and I had to wake her up in time to have some breakfast before we left for church. She was very excited to go to “Nana’s Church.” The contemporary mega church model suits Little’s personality to a T. She sat with me and was focused on the sermon throughout. She loved the praise and worship music. She was so animated when we came out of church and declared she wants to go every week. I am highly encouraging that because she had a definite light about her when we came out. 

\n

After church, I took Little home and traded….Big came shopping with me all afternoon. We walked all over Flatirons Crossing Mall, had a delicious lunch at California Pizza Kitchen, enjoyed ice cream on our rest break between stores. She is a frugal shopper and had a wonderful time picking out just what she wanted. As I expected, they were things like athletic wear from Dick’s Sporting Goods…with a definite fashionista flair.

\n

The weather here in Colorado has been quite lovely. We have had rain just about every day and it cools things off nicely. The nights have been wonderful for sleeping in the camper with just the windows open and maybe a small fan. Daughter #2 is in the process of changing jobs and found out today her new job doesn’t start till after the wedding. That means we get some more time together this week. I’m so happy for her. This new job pays more, utilizes her degree, and sends her in a direction that offers advancement.

\n

Mr. FixIt is tying up loose ends at home…preparing to fly to Colorado this weekend. I can’t wait to see him! We really miss each other when we’re apart. He has mowing to do and business to attend to. I’ve been looking up things to do to replace the camping portion of our trip. I’d love to show him the Four Corners area and Mesa Verde. We’ll see what all we have time for.

\n

I hope you enjoyed your 4th of July weekend and have a wonderful Monday!

\n

❤️

\n
“Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”    1 Timothy 5:8 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-07-08T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/08/quality-time.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","Fun","Gratitude","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/07/03/trailer-troublewith-a-capital-t.html", "title": "Trailer Trouble...With a Capital T", "content_html": "

\"Trailer “Damage to the camper indicating it is no longer towable.”

\n

Whenever I travel with one of my campers, I always circle around and do a visual safety check. I check before I head out. I check when I park for the night. And I check when I get to my destination. Saturday night I stayed at a hotel in Russell, KS. I did my walkabout when I locked her up to go inside and there was nothing wrong. Same thing the next morning before I headed out on the road for the final leg into Denver.

\n

When I arrived at Ben & Sue’s house and I was unhooking, I noticed the front curbside corner of the camper had separated a little. It looked like a couple of screws had popped and all I would need to do is screw them back in. I was hot and tired and not planning to tow anytime soon so I decided to wait till I was better rested. The first chance I had was yesterday morning.

\n

I went out and looked at the corner again. I tried to push back on the panel but it would not move. This indicated to me there was weight behind it and my original idea was not going to work. I got down on my knees and looked back at the base of the trailer where it meets the frame and this is what I was faced with. The other side looks almost as bad.

\n

That silver metal cover is the rock guard. It’s called diamond plate. It is heavy gauge and does NOT tear easily. I knew as soon as I saw it what had happened. When I first bought the camper, I notice there was about a two to three inch water stain on the mattress below one corner of that front window. 

\n

These windows notoriously leak. That’s why most camper companies don’t build a camper with them anymore. I asked the previous owner when I was inspecting the camper if it leaked and she said she had never noticed it before. Maybe it happened over the winter and was new. There was another red flag…the front surface had become delaminated. There is a fiberglass material fused over the wood walls in this camper. If there is a leak, over time…the surface will come away from the wood and have a rippled appearance.

\n

It was a red flag that I didn’t understand was HUGE. I was thinking “little r”. Nope….big mama-honkin’ R! The more I camped in this new-to-me camper, the bigger that little leak got. I figured as soon as I had time, I would pop that front window out and re-caulk it. Done. Easy peasy. But it kept raining and I kept busy and then…boom!

\n

What happened was, driving across the washboard that was once I-70 caused the board across the bottom front of the camper (that had obviously softened or rotted) to buckle from the weight of the camper body being repeatedly slammed down on it. This brought the body down over half an inch, dropping it onto the frame that comes out to create the tongue and hitch.

\n

Layman’s terms? The camper is not towable in this condition. There are several scenarios that can happen here. 

\n
    \n \t
  1. I could fix it myself. But this is a long, big, BIG job that could entail tearing the camper down to the frame and reconstructing it. I don’t have a place to work undercover. I’m not here long enough to do it...even if I were so inclined. Which I am not.
    2. \n \t
  2. I could have someone fix it for me. This could cost two to three thousand dollars and the camper itself isn’t worth much more than that. (Come to find out, I paid too much for it, but we live and learn, right?) I’m not willing to put the money into it.
    3. \n \t
  3. I can sell the camper “as is” with the firm stipulation that it is not roadworthy. This is a viable option. A lot of people are putting little campers in their back yards to use as she-sheds, guest houses, Air B&B accommodations, or playhouses for the kids and grandkids.
    4. \n \t
  4. I can just leave it here and worry about it next summer, but that isn’t very reasonable. It would take up room at Ben & Sue’s and it would be out in a potentially bad Colorado winter. It’s just putting off the inevitable.
    5. \n
\nSo, plans change. We won’t be camping on this trip except in the driveway of Ben & Sue’s house until I can manage to sell the camper. Mr. FixIt couldn’t find the title at home so he needs to get a new one. In order to do that, he needs the registration. That was in my truck so I sent it to him priority mail and he’ll get it Friday. Then he will send me the new title. And, he will be here a week from Saturday.\n

I don’t want to say I feel stupid. But I didn’t do what anyone who buys a used camper should do. I didn’t have it inspected by an RV professional. The inside showed no damage…it was pristine. All but that tiny leak. The only thing that made me feel better was this: The only way I could have known that board inside was rotten was to tear the front off the camper and you can’t do that. I had no way of knowing. It was just one of those unfortunate issues that sometimes comes with used campers.

\n

I have backup campers at home. Everything will work out. I am VERY grateful nothing terrible happened on the road like the frame breaking in the middle of Kansas. This is workable…it’s not the end of the world. I will inevitably lose money on this deal, but that’s a lesson learned and an excellent teaching moment when I mentor women campers. 

\n

I tell my husband this over and over and over. “You get what you pay for.” I had the money to get a new(er) camper, but I went for the deal. Sometimes that “good deal” just doesn’t work out. And then again….sometimes rainbows come after the worst of storms! I wonder how God is going to use this for good? There is a reason this has happened here and now. I just don’t know what it is yet!

\n

❤️

\n
“It will be a shelter and shade from the heat of the day, and a refuge and hiding place from the storm and rain.”    Isaiah 4:6 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-07-03T01:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/07/03/trailer-troublewith-a-capital-t.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","Growth","God","Wisdom","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/30/americas-bread-basket-is-baking.html", "title": "America’s Bread Basket is Baking!", "content_html": "

\"Snaps “Clockwise from top left: My rig in the summer sun in Kansas, the long straight stretch that is Kansas…look how green!, my digital laser thermometer that I use to check my hub temperatures at every stop, me looking decidedly fresher in the AM than I was by evening!”

\n

You know you are getting into farm and ranch land when you start seeing billboards advertising bovine genetics and DEKALB seed corn. I left the Lazy Day Campground in Danville, Missouri yesterday morning about 8:00. It was a very long, very HOT day. A section of I-70 was closed at Kansas City so I took the recommended detour. I recognized it as the route I usually take anyway to avoid downtown. There is one interchange on the interstate near the city where you have to get from the right hand side onramp to a left hand side exit in less than 1/4 mile. Pulling a camper makes that a real challenge, let me tell you!!! At least it wasn’t with big TOW-Wanda on a Friday night at rush hour. We have to look for the little things!

\n

When I was emptying the tanks on the camper before I left yesterday, it wasn’t 8:00 yet and the sun would take the hide right off of you. The temperature quickly soared to the high 90’s and by the time I was halfway through Kansas, it was 100. The low was only expected to go down to 80 so I stopped and got a hotel room. When I first got in the room, I cranked up the air conditioner and stretched out on the bed. I texted Mr. FixIt and said, “I am NEVER doing this again!!!” He texted back that I don’t have to. I’m holding him to it! 

\n

Ok, it was the third day. It was hard. It was hot. I was tired and probably a little hungry and dehydrated. And knowing I have over 350 more miles to go had me feeling really sorry for myself there for a few minutes. But, once I rested for a while and got something to eat and drink, I felt a ton better. When I stop tonight, it’s going to be at my son-in-law’s parents’ house so I’ll be with family. It’s going to take me a week to rest up and acclimate to the altitude. Mr. FixIt will join me on the 13th so that time will pass quickly.

\n

I had a lot of time to think about this as I was driving yesterday. I don’t like being this far away from Mr. FixIt. I thought about that from every angle. I asked myself if it was co-dependency. I don’t think it’s that at all. I do all kinds of things without him and I don’t need to be attached at the hip. I talked with my dear friend Deneene about this last night. She lost her husband unexpectedly about a year after Mr. Virgo died. She is also recently remarried. We decided it’s not co-dependency at all. It’s the fact that we KNOW what can happen and how quickly it can come. I don’t think it’s that I’m doing something without him. It’s that I’m doing something so far away from him and I can’t get to him quickly. THAT I don’t like at all.

\n

Still, it is fun in many ways. I’ve seen some beautiful countryside. The sky was blue and wide open. I’ve forgotten what that looks like living in West Virginia. (I took the picture while driving but my phone was in a cradle and all I did was touch the screen. No eyes off the road for me!) I don’t have anything pressing to do once I get to Denver so I can relax and catch up on my rest, keep myself really hydrated to counteract the altitude, knit, write, and visit with my Colorado peeps. I could not believe how green Kansas is. They had the same long, drawn out, wet spring everyone else had. It is so hard to believe the temperature is in the high 90’s in Colorado and one week ago they had two feet of snow. Crazy weather!

\n

Oh, see that picture bottom right? That’s my digital laser thermometer. After burning up an axle in Indiana two summer ago, I check my hubs religiously…every time I stop and get out of the truck. I know you can just put your hand down there and feel if it’s hot, but how hot is too hot and if it IS that hot, you’ll burn the heck out of your hand. I keep watch on it and it’s always between 100-110. That’s perfect. If it goes up, it means the bearings need grease.

\n

Well, I’m on the last leg of this Grand Adventure. The last leg of the first part of it, anyway! It’s just me and Jesus…making our way west!

\n

❤️

\n

“….“The Lord watch between you and me, when we are out of one another’s sight.”

\n

Genesis 31:49 ESV

\n

#Separation, #Marriage, #Adventure

\n", "date_published": "2019-06-30T01:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/30/americas-bread-basket-is-baking.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Aging","Choices","Change","Widow","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/06/05/finding-my-father.html", "title": "Finding my Father", "content_html": "

\"Father “I don’t remember having a loving relationship with my dad…ever.”

\n

Father’s Day is coming soon. I don’t remember ever seeing a photo of my dad holding me. I don’t remember him offering his hand to help me walk. I don’t recall any kissed booboos or falling asleep in his lap. I do remember him bouncing my brother and me on his knees to the tune of Bonanza when it aired on Sunday nights. I remember watching fireworks from the car three blocks away from the park. I remember going fishing with him…once. I wouldn’t touch the worm. He was done.

\n

My relationship with my dad was complicated. Like every little girl, I sought his approval. It never came. I sought his love. He didn’t know how to give it. He never saw me sing on stage. He never watched me perform on the balance beam. As my brother and I aged, Dad became more and more lost in a bottle of Four Roses.

\n

By the time I was an antagonistic teenager, our relationship had devolved into angry shouting matches and stony silence. He became “the man who lived upstairs”. I married and left home with the first boy who would have me and I didn’t look back. By the time I was twenty-one, to my mother’s great relief, they were divorced.

\n

Dad went back to his roots and moved into a trailer on his sister’s farm. As a widow, she was extremely careful of her reputation and when dad had to be driven home from the bar one night, she stormed into his trailer the next morning and struck him on the bottom of the feet with an iron skillet. She informed him there would never be another incident like that or he would find himself out on his ear. He ended up going on the wagon and found Jesus and married a childhood friend.

\n

I never really knew that man…the one all my cousins knew. The one all the town knew. The one who went to church every Sunday and became the model citizen…to everyone outside. But inside? Our relationship stayed exactly the same. His modus operandi was “blame and shame”. I tried. Lord knows I tried to have a relationship with him. But, in order to do that, I needed to talk about what had happened and he wasn’t interested.

\n

If he would have just once said “I’m sorry, Sis.” Oh, I learned to forgive him because he did what he knew, but that apology would have gone a long way toward mending my broken heart. Instead, I married father replacements. First, the stern disciplinarian. Then the busy doctor who couldn’t express his true feelings. Then Mr. Virgo came along and healed that spot in my heart that needed to know I was loved and cherished and….wanted.

\n

Still, I remember my therapist telling me one time, “You know, Ginny…you’re never going to find your father’s love.” I was bereft. It was as if the final page was read and the book snapped shut. The End!

\n

What do I do now?

\n

I went on. I put a bandaid over the spot where I wanted dad-memories in my heart and went on. After all, I was an adult. I was functioning as best I could with what I had to work with. It was ok, I said to myself. I don’t need a father. I don’t need anybody. Mr. Virgo was the only man I really let in and even he didn’t get to see every room.

\n

Then…my dad died.

\n

Then…Mr. Virgo died.

\n

I was never, ever going to feel that unconditional love again.

\n

I was wrong. I found love again…deep, true, lasting love with Mr. FixIt. And, I was a Christian. I had God. He was my Heavenly Father…but, I still wanted a DAD!

\n

This has been on my heart a lot in the last few weeks.  And, just like clockwork, here came the Holy Spirit to minister to that sore place within me. Recently, every sermon has been some variation of this theme.

\n

“Your dad wasn’t there for you. It’s ok. You don’t need him. He was here to do what only he could do and it hurt. But here….I’ve got some really great news for you.

\n

“God IS your dad! He loves you…absolutely…unconditionally. He CRAVES when you come sit with him and lay your head on his shoulder. He WANTS you to take his hand and walk with him. He LOVES it when you talk to him and tell him how your day went and share worries of your mind. He DESIRES you to trust him like the dad that he is. He NEEDS you to know he isn’t ever going to leave you….not ever!”

\n

Wow! How awesome is that? Knowing this…I mean really deep down in my bones KNOWING this…has healed some place deep inside my heart. I don’t have to look for my dad anywhere but up. When I want to hear him talking to me, I read the words he left for me to follow. When I don’t please him, he lets me know. The most important thing he wants me to know is I am the joy of his heart. The object of his greatest longing.

\n

Finally….finally I found my father….in my Father.

\n

❤️

\n
“The same way a loving father feels toward his children— that’s but a sample of your tender feelings toward us, your beloved children, who live in awe of you.”    Psalms 103:13 TPT
\n", "date_published": "2019-06-05T01:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/06/05/finding-my-father.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Aging","Choices","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/31/keep-moving-forwardalways.html", "title": "Keep Moving Forward...Always", "content_html": "

\"Wedding “I’ve finished the wedding quilt!”

\n

I have over 28,000 emails on my iPhone. This makes my daughter crazy. She says, “What if you missed something???” I say, “Yeah, there’s always a chance of that. But, what if I stayed on my phone for 8 hours a day reading, answering, or deleting every e-mail that came through? I wouldn’t get anything else done.”

\n

I have been known to miss an occasional message, but for the most part, when I scan through, I see the important stuff. A couple of weeks ago, I saw something intriguing come through. Someone was searching for quotes about if or how and why blogging through grief has helped me cope. I wrote back and didn’t think much more about it.

\n

It was a rainy, cool day yesterday. I cuddled up in my little camper and stitched the binding on my daughter’s wedding quilt and listened to the rain hit the roof. Occasionally, I caught a glimpse of something brown running by and under my camper. It was two large rabbits. They chased each other all afternoon and made me smile. They made me think of Watership Down. One stopped beneath my window in plain sight. I whispered, “Be careful of the hrududus, bunny!”

\n

Sometimes I feel like I run out of things to say here. I think maybe you’ve heard every story I ever knew. Sometimes I think I begin to sound like your slightly dotty Aunt Felicity who tells you everything she ate today. I know that’s an exaggeration, but still…I wonder if I’m wearing out my welcome. When I stitch or knit or mow or drive, I have conversations with God and I ask him to tell me when I’m done. And, every…single…time, He sends me someone to tell me, “No, dear one. Not yet. Someone tomorrow needs your stories.”

\n

As I stitched on my daughter’s wedding quilt, I watched old black & white reruns of the Andy Griffith Show. Up popped a message from a reader I haven’t heard from in four and a half years. In those years she had lost a husband. Had gained a love. And nearly lost him to a silent heart attack. My posts that they’ve been reading together helped them to see how life can change in an instant. They are working together to create a new life, new adventures, in a new direction. They asked me to please keep doing what I’m doing. It made me cry. God knows our hearts. He hears our pleas. And he sends us answers if we’ll just slow down and listen and pay attention.

\n

After reading that, another message popped up. It was from the woman who wrote to me two weeks ago seeking that quote and the article was published yesterday. I read down through the stories of all the people she had quoted and realized two of them I am connected with on Twitter. I’ll connect with the others now.

\n

Grief is a solitary business yet it thrusts us into a community of others going through similar experiences. The biggest point I made in my story for the article was this…you are not alone. No matter how hard grief is. No matter how isolating it is. No matter how crazy and lonely and forgetful it makes you…you are never truly alone. For me…I have Jesus and my family and you guys.

\n

I’m not about to quit on that.

\n

You can read the collection of stories here: https://www.aklander.co.uk/news/why-blogging-can-help-with-grief

\n

❤️

\n
“For that reason, I don’t run just for exercise or box like one throwing aimless punches, but I train like a champion athlete. I subdue my body and get it under my control, so that after preaching the good news to others I myself won’t be disqualified.”\n

1 Corinthians 9:26-27 TPT

\n", "date_published": "2019-05-31T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/31/keep-moving-forwardalways.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/30/severe-weather.html", "title": "Severe Weather", "content_html": "

\"Weather\" “Severe weather, volunteer pumpkins, a more mowing…another day on the Ponderosa.”

\n

As with most of you, I browsed the news yesterday morning and saw the destruction from the many severe storms throughout the Midwest. I know people there…I was praying for them all. I knew we were supposed to get some rain yesterday, but I didn’t know how severe the storm was going to be.

\n

I went to Schoolhouse Quilts around lunchtime to pick up my daughter’s wedding quilt. I need to sew the binding and then it will be finished. I was finishing my coffee while I visited with Carolyn, the owner. My phone rang. It was Mr. FixIt telling me to look at the radar…we were about to get hit hard.

\n

I wrapped it up quickly, paid for the quilting, and ran to the truck just as the rain started. We live in a really small town. A grocery store, a Dollar General, the quilt shop, a pizza place, a gas station, the thrift store, and a couple of churches. That’s about it. It didn’t take long to drive to “the other side of town”. 

\n

I was about to the Piggly Wiggly when the lightning started striking all around me. I could see it hitting the hillside in front of me. I saw the flashes out of my peripheral vision…on both sides. I quickly turned into the parking lot, but it was raining too hard and the lightening was coming hard and fast. I couldn’t even pull up close to the store. I think some other people had the same idea.

\n

I pulled my phone out and opened the Weather Channel app. It has a very reliable radar. When I saw it, I understood what a “Severe Thunderstorm Warning” looked like while it was happening. The notice at the top of the screen said “Lightning detected 0 miles north of you.” Yeah…no kidding!

\n

I sent the screen shot to Mr. FixIt and told him where I was and I was going to sit this one out. Then I thought of the leaky basement and really wanted to get home. I closed my eyes and prayed hard. I told Jesus I knew he had calmed the seas when the storm was raging and I trust that He gives us that same power. I told the storm, in Jesus’ name, to break away and part the sky so I could get home safely.

\n

Less that one minute later…the clouds parted. And even though the radar still showed lightning activity…there was nothing near me. I was home in less than two minutes. These are the things that amaze me. Not because I doubt they can be done. They can. I see it all the time. But it amazes me that I would never have done something like that just a few years ago. I was the scientist. The skeptic. The unbeliever.

\n

Coincidence? Maybe. But I’m telling you what I saw immediately after I prayed for it. It doesn’t make me special or important or better than anyone else. It just makes me believe more. The storms eventually moved out by afternoon. Mr. FixIt came home and I mowed the big field while he ran the weed eater and the push mower. We are due for more storms today so I am planning on sitting and working on my daughter’s quilt.

\n

As I was out mowing around the burn pile, I noticed a large amount of green growth. I looked closer and there was a volunteer pumpkin vine growing from the ashes. I smiled. We burned that brush pile the week before our wedding. When the wedding was over, we used the pumpkins for Halloween decorations. Then, after the first freeze and they got soggy, Mr. FixIt threw them on the brush pile. That’s what I love about WV. You can throw a seed out there and it can grow all on its own. 

\n

Same with love. 

\n

❤️

\n
““Teacher,” said John, “we saw someone driving out demons in your name and we told him to stop, because he was not one of us.” “Do not stop him,” Jesus said. “For no one who does a miracle in my name can in the next moment say anything bad about me, for whoever is not against us is for us.”    Mark 9:38-40 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-05-30T01:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/30/severe-weather.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","West Virginia","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/27/memorial-day.html", "title": "Memorial Day 2019", "content_html": "

\"George “He was a soldier. He was a son.”

\n

They called him Sonny. He was their bright ray of sunshine. Smart, sensitive, talented, destined to go far. When Grandma and Pop-Pop got the telegram that their Sonny was gone, part of them died in that moment as well. People said they were never the same. I wouldn’t know what they were like before. I was not yet two when Sonny’s plane went down.

\n

Sometimes I think I remember him. But then I realize it’s his pictures and the loving stories told about him that made my Uncle Sonny alive for me. I was told he loved me. He told my mom he wanted a picture of me on a bearskin rug in my “all-together”…in other words, a chubby baby with a hundred fat rolls, buns up on a blanket. This was back in the days when something like that could be done without thinking the person admiring the photo is a pedophile.

\n

Mom complied and I was told he kept that photo in the cockpit of the plane. But, mom told me a lot of things that turned out to be untrue. For instance, she said he was shot down by Russians. In 1955. Over Landstuhl Air Base in Germany. She said grandma was comforted when she received his personal effects and his wallet didn’t smell like smoke. She was comforted that her boy didn’t burn.

\n

Many years later, when the internet was new and I was helping my mom with her beloved genealogy, I started digging into the crash that took Uncle Sonny’s life. I think the only thing I had to work with at the time was a dial up modem and CompuServe. After meticulously searching, I came up with an aviation archaeologist. He specialized in finding reports on old plane crashes. I believe I paid him $40 and a few weeks later, I received a thick packet in the mail. 

\n

The archaeologist came up with the official Air Force report of the crash and in the process of reading it and asking questions, I got a lot of answers. First, he definitely was not shot down by the Russians. Secondly, pilots do not fly with personal effects, meaning…neither his wallet nor my picture accompanied him in the cockpit that fateful day. That was information I didn’t share with the rest of the family. I don’t remember if my Grandma was still living at this time or not. There’s just some things you don’t need to discuss after some sense of resolution has been met.

\n

There was information that I found disturbing. Sonny needed to log some flight hours. The only plane available that day was an old fighter jet that was on it’s way to become a static display. In other words, it was past its usefulness. In the three days leading up to the crash, four separate engines had been installed. 

\n

The morning of the crash dawned gray and foggy. Uncle Sonny went through the usual preflight check. The ground crew walked around the plane and somehow, someone failed to notice the intake baffles were in the wrong position for the weather conditions. When he took off, he flew around the base a couple of times without incident. Then someone noticed a shift in the engine sound and looked up. The plane had slowed down considerably and was losing altitude.

\n

No one can know for certain what went on in the cockpit that day. The witness on the ground said he couldn’t understand why my uncle didn’t eject and let the plane go down. It wasn’t until the full investigation that it was determined the trajectory of the plane would have sent it into the barracks where countless airmen would still be preparing for their day. Instead, Uncle Sonny steered the plane toward an open potato field that had recently been plowed. I’m sure, with his farming experience, he knew that would be a fairly soft place to land.

\n

As he struggled to keep the engine going and the plane aloft, he noticed a gap between the trees surrounding the potato field. It was narrow, but if he tipped his right wing at the right moment, he could just squeak through. Unfortunately, the sudden dip in the right wing caused the engine to stall even further and the tip of the wing hit the ground. This caused the plane to cartwheel.

\n

Uncle Sonny was found still strapped in his ejector seat in an upright position…as though he were waiting for someone to come by and have a chat. His helmet was cracked from the impact and he died from blunt force trauma. And, even though his wallet wasn’t with him and neither was my bare butt photo…he didn’t burn. It was over quickly.

\n

In my opinion, my Uncle Sonny was a hero. I’m sure he saved countless lives that day. But there was no award, no medal, no call from a grateful President. Maybe that was best. Grandma was not one for making a fuss. “Fools names, like their faces, always seen in public places.” She was a private, unassuming woman with great dignity.

\n

Sonny was laid to rest on a hilltop cemetery fifteen or so miles from the farm. One by one, our loved ones joined him. First Pop-Pop, then Grandma, then my mom, then Uncle Bob. I go twice a year to see them and I always hang around him a little longer. I wish I could have known him. I am comforted knowing there was such a beautiful homecoming when the Lord came to take the others to join my Uncle Sonny and Jesus.

\n

This day is so much more than another day off, another reason for a party. This is the day when we honor the fallen…all who gave their lives in the line of duty. Not just military. We remember all who have gone before us and we decorate their graves. Thank you…for giving your all. My heart is with those who had to go on without you.

\n

❤️

\n
“For the greatest love of all is a love that sacrifices all. And this great love is demonstrated when a person sacrifices his life for his friends.”\n

John 15:13 TPT

\n", "date_published": "2019-05-27T01:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/27/memorial-day.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Grace","God","Fear","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/08/too-close-to-home.html", "title": "Too Close to Home", "content_html": "

\"School “How many more children have to die before something is done about this?”

\n

Another school shooting. Seven miles from Columbine. They recently observed the 20th anniversary of the school shooting that seemed to change everything. Copycat killers, looking for moments of notoriety, sprung up everywhere, it seems.

\n

What is causing all this? I have my theories. Personally, I think things started taking a giant slide down a slippery slope when Dr. Spock said don’t spank your kids. I’m not for violence by any means, but my kids got a proper swat on their butts when they were out of line. And they are great adults. 

\n

Kids aren’t given outlets for their anger anymore. I was talking with my son-in-law’s mom last night. Her mother was discussing this with her contemporaries in the assisted living center at supper. She said, in her day and age, there were bullies, and kids got in scraps, but you had a row and got it over with. Now, children are handled with kid gloves and they can’t fight back. 

\n

They also get left with video games and the internet as their babysitters. You cannot tell me that violent video games don’t have an impact on children today. How can it not? You can’t sit for hours at a time, shooting and maiming “people” in this realistic scenarios and not be desensitized to the violence. It becomes the norm.

\n

This one hit close to home. While not in my daughter’s district, she teaches at a STEM school and my granddaughter is a student at that same school. (Not the one where the shooting occurred yesterday, thank God.) She used to work with many of the teachers at the school where the shooting occurred. The principal is my daughter’s sister-in-law’s best friend. 

\n

This is getting too close. 

\n

They’re ALL too close!

\n

Something has to be done. Our children go into a war zone every single day. Teachers and school staff, too. This is not the country we were raised in. It’s not the country my children were raised in either. I own guns. But my guns are locked up in a safe. I have a .22 hidden when I am at the farm in case I’m bothered by a two-legged varmint.

\n

I pray. I pray a lot. But, something has to be done. Our children are killing and being killed. Prayers are wonderful…but we need more. I’m not writing this to invite debate. This is not the place for that. There are better places for that…like with our representatives. I’m just crying out as a Nana. A very, very concerned Nana.

\n

As an aside…I arrived at the campground without incident. 

\n

I pray for those families. The ones who got the call. And for the families of the shooters. how horrifying.

\n

???

\n
“For this is the message that you have heard from the beginning, that we should love one another. We should not be like Cain, who was of the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own deeds were evil and his brother's righteous.\n

 

\n

We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.”

\n

 

\n

1 John 3:11-12, 14-15 ESV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-05-08T01:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/08/too-close-to-home.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","God","Anger","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/05/rainy-days.html", "title": "Rainy Days", "content_html": "

\"Rhododendron “Grandma’s rhododendron is starting to bloom out at the farm. I think it might have gotten a little nipped by the polar vortex this winter, but it sure loves these rainy days!”

\n

It has been rainy in West Virginia the last couple of days. We’ve even had some thunderstorms, which I dearly love. I remember really missing them when I lived in Colorado. The thunder doesn’t roll there like it does here. The rain held off till Mr. FixIt and I were finished changing the oil in both trucks. I sat on the mechanic’s stool, looking up at the sky when it started to sprinkle and asked God to please hold off for an hour or so. He was so gracious to do so. Thank you.

\n

I was very disappointed. We had everything set up. I got the truck up on the ramps with Mr. FixIt’s guidance, and I got down under the engine and set to work. Try as I might, I simply could NOT loosen the plug in the oil pan. I couldn’t get in a good position to get leverage. The battery pack for the headlamp sat on the back of my head wrong and kept getting in my way. And for some reason, I didn’t like the feeling of that truck over my chest on the plastic ramps Mr. FixIt has. His metal ones were stolen and I just didn’t trust plastic to hold that truck up off me. It gave me the heeby-jeebies.

\n

Mr. FixIt took my place and, with some difficulty, finally got the plug out. I got BACK under the truck and tried to loosen the oil filter and it wouldn’t budge. I hated to admit defeat, but i just don’t have the arm, wrist, and hand strength I used to have. I climbed back out and sat on the stool handing Mr. FixIt what he needed, when he needed it. When he was finished, I held the funnel while he poured the oil in.

\n

“I’m sorry.” I said, dejectedly. “I just couldn’t do it.”

\n

Mr. FixIt looked at me with soft eyes and said, “That’s ok, baby. That’s what husbands are for.”

\n

For one second, the feminist reared up in my head…then I stopped. I looked at this kind, gentle, yet strong man and said…

\n

“Service. That’s your love language, isn’t it?”

\n

He smiled and went back to the task at hand. I didn’t even offer to try helping him when we got his truck up on the ramps. We just chatted as he told me stories or pointed out the differences between the two trucks and their filters. I sat on the stool, smiling and sending up a big “Thank You” for my many, many blessings.

\n

❤️?❤️

\n
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”    James 1:17 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-05-05T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/05/rainy-days.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Humbled","Aging","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/05/01/uncle.html", "title": "Uncle!", "content_html": "

\"Bedding\" “When you’re tired and overwhelmed, it’s ok to say Uncle!”

\n

Every day since we got home from the beach has been packed full. Long hours of mowing thick, wet grass. Unpacking. Cleaning. Finally, we had to split the chores yesterday and Mr. FixIt went to the farm to mow while I worked on de-winterizing the camper. First, I filled the freshwater tank and added a little bleach to sanitize it. Then I went in and turned on the pump. It’s supposed to run a little bit, build up pressure, then shut itself off. It didn’t. As I stood in front of the kitchen sink, listening as a pitiful stream of water came from the faucet, I could hear water splashing outside. 

\n

I went out and around the camper and there was water coming out of the water heater compartment. I opened it up and saw the plug was an old type and it was rusted through. Not a good sign. I was told the camper had been fully inspected two years ago and everything worked fine. And, while I should have taken the camper to someone to have it inspected again, I trusted mine and Mr. FixIt’s camper knowledge. Besides, it was very difficult to really get in and have a look at the inner workings in the driveway where it was parked. I don’t think the previous owner was trying to scam me. I just don’t think she used the service systems because she only took it out three or four times to sleep over at horse shows.

\n

I knew there was nothing I could do without getting a new plug. I towed the camper to an RV service center and the guy was kind enough to stop what he was doing and put a plug in. Then he proceeded to have a look around the camper and started telling me all the things that were wrong with it and made me feel generally inept and stupid. One thing he pointed out, which I hadn’t noticed was…the tires were seven years old. Even if the tread looks good and there’s no evidence of dry rot, you really shouldn’t run a trailer on tires over five years old. 

\n

My next stop was a local tire shop owned by a woman. I’ve talked with her before and I’m so impressed that she built this business from scratch. I got four trailer tires for $65 each, mounted and balanced. Then I drove to a rest area with a dump station to empty and clean the waste tanks. A camper has two waste tanks on it…”grey water” from the sinks and shower and “black water” from the toilet. That wasn’t much of a chore as they had been emptied previously. They just needed a good flushing.

\n

Once I was finished with the tanks, I tried turning the pump on and it still wouldn’t build up pressure and shut off. That means the system isn’t sealed and there’s a leak somewhere. I didn’t see water anywhere and there was nothing dripping. By this point, I was tired, hungry, and pretty darned frustrated. I kept telling myself I’d bought a piece of junk camper and I was pretty low by the time I got home.

\n

Mr. FixIt called. I poured out all my fears and frustrations and he asked me to tell him one thing at a time. He said they were all fairly small things and relatively easy to fix. At the most, I may need a new hot water heater, a water pump, and new propane regulator. He said I didn’t buy a piece of junk, but it is twelve years old. There are bound to be some things that will need fixing.

\n

I got home and walked in the door. There is still a toilet, a sink, and half a shower stall in my living room. I suddenly felt defeated and sat down to think it through. When I made arrangements to attend my niece’s graduation in Indiana, I didn’t realized how tight I had planned these three trips. Four days between the first and second trip and only one day between the second and third. It took us three full days just to mow both properties. How was I possibly going to pull this off?

\n

I prayed about it for a while and talked with Mr. FixIt again and two of my trusted friends and they all said…set some priorities…get some rest…it’s ok to say no. I hated the idea of cancelling the Indiana trip. I hate missing my niece’s graduation and getting to see her family. And, I hate disappointing anyone. But, you know what? I’m not thirty-five anymore. I’m not fifty-five anymore. I’m nearly sixty-six and while, in many ways that is still young, I have to admit to myself I can’t do it all. I get tired easier. I get overwhelmed easier. I’ve noticed this since losing Mr. Virgo. 

\n

So, I wrote a long note and sent it to my niece and her mom. I explained why we couldn’t come and while they will miss us, they understand. I immediately felt a weight lift off my shoulders and I cried with relief. It’s ok to cry “Uncle!” I turned on the air conditioning, crawled under a blanket, and rested…for the first time in weeks, it seems. 

\n

❤️

\n
““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.””    Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-05-01T01:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/05/01/uncle.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Wisdom","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/28/home-sweet-home.html", "title": "Home, Sweet Home", "content_html": "

\"Welcome “Home, Sweet Home…West Virginia!”

\n

I keep forgetting what a long drive that is coming back from the beach in one day. Twelve hours. And that’s not dilly-dallying around, either. Potty breaks only. It rained the last hour and I-77 is under perpetual repair so that slowed us down a bit. It was in the low 50’s when we got home which was a darned sight cooler than the beach was, but we were so grateful for God’s travel mercies. We only saw a couple of minor accidents on the way home. It was such a wonderful trip.

\n

When you get home like that, the last thing you want to do is empty the truck, but we did anyway. It’s almost all put away.

\n

We sprayed for ants before we left and there were just a few sighted. Nothing like before we left. And there was NO WATER in the basement! I prayed hard for that one. TRULY the very last thing you want to do when you get home from a long trip is to suction water out of a soggy basement. Oh, and the grass is nearly a foot deep in places! We mowed the day before we left. Oy!

\n

\"Redbud\" “Redbud are still blooming on top of the mountains in West Virginia!”

\n

So…we are home safe, suntanned, and very tired. I’ll leave you early with some photos of the day. The dogwoods are in full bloom. The redbud are past their prime except for the top of the mountains. I caught this one at the West Virginia Welcome Center on I-64. The Welcome to West Virginia sign is always a beautiful sight, even though it signals there are still at least three and a half hours of driving left!

\n

\"Dogwood\" “The dogwood trees are in full bloom and are like little fairies in the woods.”

\n

I would like to take this opportunity and congratulate my dear friend Deneene on her marriage to her sweet Mark yesterday. It was an intimate family-only affair but I got to see it on FB Live. Unfortunately, we will be unable to attend their open house in South Carolina next weekend as we will be watching my niece graduate from college in Indiana. I had the honor of walking with Deneene in her early grief and have watched her heart heal and expand to include new love. Congratulations, my sweet friends! I love you and miss you so!

\n

Happy Sunday…can’t wait to get to church!

\n

❤️

\n
“If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”\n

Psalm 139:9-10 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-28T01:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/28/home-sweet-home.html", "tags": ["Faith","Travel","West Virginia","Gratitude","Love","God","Peaceful Moments","Be Joyful!","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/21/easter-sunday.html", "title": "Easter Sunday", "content_html": "

\"Curratuck “The sunset over the Curratuck Sound:

\n

I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older…or maybe it’s gaining a deeper connection to God…but Easter this year seems to have a much, much deeper meaning for me than ever before. I have a close church family relationship…probably for the first time in my life. And I have Mr. FixIt and my bonus family to go to church with. Whatever the reason, this Easter is completely different…personal.

\n

We arrived at the beach yesterday afternoon and did our obligatory stop at the grocery store. We weren’t at the condo more than half an hour when my son-in-law’s parents arrived. Oh, my…I love them dearly and was SO excited to see them. Ben & Sue are the salt of the earth. Good, hardworking people with great character and a terrific sense of humor. I’ve known them now since 1993 or so. I’ll tell you what…my daughter won the lottery when it comes to her husband and in-laws!

\n

Sue and I never really talked about faith much till the last couple of years and it has been wonderful to share that part of myself with her. We have a lot of wonderful discussions and I am so happy to have them here with us this week.

\n

We found a church right across the street that has an 11:00 service today so we won’t miss Easter.

\n

May you all have a blessed Easter! And for my Jewish family and friends…Happy Passover!

\n

❤️

\n
“He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ””    Luke 24:6-7 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2019-04-21T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/21/easter-sunday.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/19/good-friday.html", "title": "Good Friday", "content_html": "

\"Flowering “My grandma’s pretty posies…I love to visit them.”

\n

I ran to the farm yesterday to pick up my laundry I left hanging to dry. I took a quick walkabout to see Grandma’s posies. She loved them so much and I always feel so close to her when I see them. 

\n

Grandma loved Easter time. Her flowers were beautiful and she almost always had all of her family together to go to church. I feel terrible that I won’t be attending church with the kids this weekend, but there is a church right across the road from the condo so we will still get to go to an Easter service.

\n

The bags are packed. Going to the time share is much like camping…we take extra linens and pots and pans because the one’s there are somewhat lacking in substance. We also bring some dry goods with us because groceries down there are so expensive. So, the truck will be packed first thing in the morning and we’ll hit the road no later than 9:00.

\n

Small group last night was wonderful. I talked to the girls about Passover and the rituals around the Seder meal. I brought some traditional foods for them to taste. They weren’t crazy about the gefilte fish!

\n

Kathy spoke about Easter. She told how Jesus washed the feet of the Disciples. Then, she prepared a basin and pitcher of warm water and washed all of our feet. It was a humbling experience. When she was done, I stepped forward and invited her to sit so that I could wash hers. I followed her example and told her the beautiful attributes Jesus sees when He looks at her. I thanked her for being such a shining example of a humble servant for all of us to see. And I told her how much I dearly love her.

\n

What a wonderful way to start out our week!

\n

❤️

\n
“It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean. When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.”   John 13:1-17 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-19T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/19/good-friday.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/14/darkness-into-light.html", "title": "Darkness into Light", "content_html": "

\"Palm “Looking back, I am humbled by my deliverance.”

\n

The stress of doing taxes this week made me sit back and reflect how differently I cope now as opposed to twenty years ago. Back then, I felt like that guy on Ted Mack’s Amateur Hour. You know the one…he twirled plates on top of sticks. First one, then two, then five…and eventually, he had about twelve of them spinning. He ran from one stick to another, desperately trying to keep all the plates spinning without crashing to the ground. 

\n

I did a great job spinning plates till…I didn’t. I burned out. I hit the wall. There were lots of reasons why, but the bottom line was…I didn’t have good coping skills. I had an alcoholic father. I seriously should have known not to push the drinking thing. But, more and more, I relied on alcohol to prop me up. 

\n

I had situational anxiety. Going to a party? I’d have a drink in the bathroom while I put on my makeup and called on “Ginny the Party Girl” to step forward…emboldened by a beer. Going to the game with the hospital administrator and his wife? Drink LOTS of beers. Hosting a dinner party for the medical staff? Wine…more wine! It got worse and worse.

\n

When my marriage started to fall apart, I was terrified. I had no idea how to cope because I worshiped at the altar of my husband. I only had a cursory relationship with God and I didn’t know Jesus at all. I was relying entirely on someone fairly unreliable….myself. When thing became difficult between me and my husband, I started drinking about an hour before he was due home so I could get through the evening. Many times I just got too wasted to cook so I went to bed, leaving my family to fend for themselves. 

\n

At the very end of our marriage, I found myself standing in a closet in the dark, drinking really expensive tequila straight from the bottle. I knew…KNEW in that moment that I was in dire straits. Unfortunately, when you are in that place, it’s really, really hard to pull yourself out of it without some help. I was just functional enough to fool people into thinking I still had it together…but I did not.

\n

Our last Thanksgiving, my best friend’s husband caught me sneaking into their kitchen during dinner and drinking shots of tequila. I fell asleep on their couch while all the guests were at the table having dessert. I was desperately ill, but I was also an embarrassment. My husband didn’t know what to do with me. When I overdosed a couple of months later, I made the decision for him and I went away to get the help I needed. 

\n

Now, as a Christian, I know that God uses all things for my good and for HIS glory. Last week in church, I said my usual prayer…”Lord, if you have a message just for me, please deliver it through Pastor Justin.” And, in his message, God sent this…

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“God will use your experiences for your good. He will use them for His glory. Your experiences are your story and your story has power. It has the power to change people. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and share your testimony.”

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I smiled.

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God himself told me in that moment that, no matter how bad I got…no matter how messy my life was…no matter how dysfunctional I had been…He had saved me. HE came for ME! He left the 99 and came for the ONE. And when He found me, He carried me on His shoulders back to the flocks and announced to all…”Look, I’ve found my lost sheep! Come! Help me celebrate!”

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I know God has great things in store for me. I anticipate the unexpected, just like Christine Caine preaches in her book, Unexpected: Leave Fear Behind, Move Forward in Faith, Embrace the Adventure. Yes, sometimes the unexpected is bad. But, sometimes it is amazing. I could never in a million years have imagined back when I was in the throes of torment…where I’d be today. I am so incredibly grateful that Jesus never gave up on me. He pursued me relentlessly because He had a plan. He knew what I was capable of. I am so humbled by His Love. Through Him, I can turn a dark and painful time into a testimony of the Goodness of God  

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On this…Palm Sunday…remember the triumphal return of Jesus to Jerusalem is also the beginning of Holy Week. It is the true beginning of the end of His earthly walk. May you all be blessed and humbled in the coming week.

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❤️

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““What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.”    \n

Matthew 18:12-14 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-14T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/14/darkness-into-light.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Choices","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/13/always-be-humble-and-kind.html", "title": "Always be Humble and Kind", "content_html": "

\"Dandelion\" “I love when God sends me a not-so-gentle reminder to chill out!”

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As I’m writing this, I’m propped up in bed, the windows flung wide, the peepers peeping their springtime love song. It is 10:30pm…I just finished a long and particularly grueling day sitting in front of my computer, doing my taxes. One frustration after another…but I doggedly pressed on with only a couple of short tempered outbursts. Finally…finally I got it all filled out and pressed “send” only to find out, yet again, my laptop won’t connect to the internet. I mean…it SAYS it’s connected, but I get a page that says “Cannot find page. Check your internet connection.” It works elsewhere, just not here. So, I said enough is enough for one day and I will pick it up tomorrow….today to you.

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In preparation for a day that could be stress-filled, I spent an extra long time in scripture before I got out of bed. I read my devotionals. I listened to a little praise music. I put on the full armor of God. And still, after twelve hours in front of the screen, I found my stress level rising. Poor Mr. FixIt steered clear of me most of the day and when he did have to sit with me, he was very loving and supportive. Good man.

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When I finally called it quits for the day, I was too tired to even go out to TOW-Wanda to write…something I really look forward to when the weather is warm. I came into the bedroom to write, fully prepared to let loose a diatribe about how darned frustrating it is to spend a whole day on the taxes only to find out you have to pay a BOATLOAD. I climbed into bed, set up my little lap desk, opened my iPad, and God smacked me right between the eyes.

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?

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There, staring back at me was a picture of a woman squatting down in front of an absolutely emaciated young child…so tiny and frail and nothing but skin and bones. She’s holding a water bottle up to the child’s lips….the little one with her head tipped back, gratefully taking a sip as she clings to a crust of bread in her tiny hand.

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I am humbled…ashamed of my anger and frustration that I felt only seconds before.

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Look what I have. A roof over my head, food on my table, clean water and air, a warm bed to sleep in, health, family…God. 

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Yes, paying a big tax bill was not what I expected. But you know what? Just two weeks ago, God gave me a hefty settlement check for the accident I was in two years ago. I had a brain bleed, but can walk and talk. I lost four months of my memory, but my family didn’t have to lay me in the ground. And that check will cover my taxes and then some. 

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There is always something to be grateful for. ALWAYS.

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Thank you, God…for your provision. And for the stern reminder of how good I have it. You are a good, good Father.

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❤️

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“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”    Ephesians 4:2 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-13T01:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/13/always-be-humble-and-kind.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Anger","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/10/bad-night-great-day.html", "title": "Bad Night - Great Day", "content_html": "

\"James “Resist the devil and he will flee.”

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I remember back in the first two to three years of my grief, I often had what I referred to as “bad nights”. Nights were especially difficult from the beginning. Too many hours stretched ahead with too much time to think…especially since I had such a hard time sleeping. It didn’t take much to send my mind chasing rabbits and soon a thought would have me in a tailspin. I spent SO many nights alternating between gripping the mattress and throwing up. All. Night. Long. It was brutal.

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Thankfully, that finally evened out. Partially from time and healing, but mostly because I got a grip on my anxiety once I learned it’s source. Some may call it a trick of the mind, but I have been much more successful in not only controlling my anxiety, but sending it packing altogether. Prayer and petition to God to come in and bring me comfort helps tremendously. One thing has really helped me and the old me would have rolled my eyes with a “Right…sure…ok.”

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That one thing is banishing Satan. The enemy comes to rob, steal, and destroy. He is the force behind the thoughts “You can’t handle anything.” “You will always have anxiety.” “I’ll make sure you are miserable all the days of your life…this will never get better.” When I feel anxiety creeping in, I talk out loud now. I just tell the old goat to get the heck away from me because I don’t believe his stinking lies. 

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The second thing I do is listen to praise music. I have discovered if I’m having anxiety and I start playing praise music and singing along, the anxiety dissipates. I cannot be anxious and upset while praising Jesus.

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And…I’m human. Sometimes I forget to do those things and I get caught with my guard down. That’s what happened on Monday when we drove by my dad’s house and saw it had been torn down. I immediately felt sick and I let things spiral. I felt horrible and out of control. I could hardly eat a thing and that night, after writing my post, I tried eating a bowl of cereal and immediately got sick.

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I did excuse myself to the guest bedroom so as not to interrupt Mr. FixIt’s sleep. I took something to settle my stomach and I read the Bible and listened to praise music. And I asked God to send his angels to wrap their wings around me and keep me safe. I immediately fell into a deep sleep and awoke refreshed and feeling much better.

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I knew I needed to spend some time at the farm, though. The Farm is my touchstone. I drove out and sorted through my papers to prepare the taxes. I drank coffee and walked around the yard looking at Grandma’s posies. Once the paperwork was sorted, I took a little snooze in Grandma’s bed and finally headed back to The Ponderosa.

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Mr. FixIt did yard work all day. The field looked like a well manicured golf course. He wanted to show me some things so we walked the entire five acres, hand-in-hand, marveling at the spring beauty. We inched through a rose bramble to look for arrowheads on the creek-bank. We moved an old fallen tree. We found violets in the grass and looked for frogs in the ditch along the road.

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Last night, just before bed, we went out back in our robes and slippers and held hands while we counted stars. The “bad night” of the night before wasn’t even in my memory. It had been banished with a stern warning…spoken aloud…”Get away from me Satan…you have no dominion over me!” He isn’t as powerful as he would like you to think he is. He can’t read our thoughts so we must speak aloud to him.

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Every time I get closer to Jesus…every time I raise my hand in church and further commit my heart to Christ…the enemy swings hard. He does this for the precise reason…he knows I’m a threat. He knows who lives in my heart…who is my true north. And he hates that. That’s ok. I can do hard things. I can have a “bad night” if it means I get so much greatness on the other side. 

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❤️

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“Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”    James 4:7 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-10T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/10/bad-night-great-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/07/towwanda-iii-day-cleanup.html", "title": "TOW-Wanda III: Day 1 - Cleanup", "content_html": "

\"Camper “The first thing that had to go was the bunk bed over the main bed.”

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The first thing I did yesterday…after coffee, of course…was head out to the new camper. I could hardly sleep the night before, I was so excited. I didn’t realize how very much I missed my first camper till I got a load of this one! I hooked it up to electric and checked out the systems again. The air conditioning worked fine. I cleaned the filter screen in the AC unit so it works more efficiently. The fan, lights, and microwave. I haven’t checked the refrigerator yet.

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Mr. FixIt was kind enough to bring a ladder and some RV cleaning products out to the camper for me as well as a hose and scrub brush. I started scrubbing with an RV wash/wax combo and followed up with a Norwex cleaning cloth and Norwex cleaning paste to get the black streaks off. I rinsed it well and checked inside…NO LEAKS! Yesssss! No leaks is a good thing…especially with a 2007 camper. This thing is built exceedingly well. 

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The camper is a Cikira Classic Cruiser 18FB…which roughly translates to an 18 foot camper with a front bed. From what I can find, Cikira RV wasn’t around for very long, but I don’t think that was because they lacked a quality product. If this camper is any indication, the quality is excellent. The RV industry isn’t easy to break into. But more importantly, look at the date of my camper. The economy in 2007 was booming and people were traveling a lot. Then 2008 came and the bottom fell out of the market. No one was spending money on anything extra. I know…that’s when I had to close my needlework shop. Hobbies like camping and needlework are the first to go when it comes to extraneous expenses.

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Once I had the outside walls scrubbed down, I opened the awning and gave it a good wash. I left it open to dry in our beautiful 72 degree weather and closed it up before dusk so it wouldn’t gather the dew. Then it was time to head indoors. The first thing that had to go was the bunk bed overtop the main bed. The previous owners had a 10 year old daughter who loved the bunk above, but it was too confining to lay underneath it and I knew I would hit my head every time is sat down. The bunk was secured with sturdy angle iron and the plywood base was screwed securely to it. I removed the twin size memory foam mattress and Mr. FixIt helped me carry it down to the storage room. We can use it for an extra if we have overflow company. 

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The front piece of the bunk bed was a long piece of heavy angle iron attached to a decorative wood front. I removed that piece but left the other three pieces of angle iron connected to the three walls above the windows. This way, if we ever need the bunk bed again, we can pop it back in easily enough. Taking that bunk out opened up the entire bed area and made it much more comfortable, roomy, and light. By this time I was fried so I gave in and snuggled up on my new bed and took a nap. 

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So, our blessings continue. Our great granddaughter is being dedicated to Jesus in church this morning! My heart is so happy!

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❤️

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“And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.”\n

Mark 10:16 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-07T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/07/towwanda-iii-day-cleanup.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/02/sick-tired.html", "title": "Sick \u0026 Tired", "content_html": "

\"Elephant “Can’t we all just get along?”

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Those of you who have been reading my blog for some time know that, even in my grief, I’m a pretty upbeat individual. Mr. Virgo used to call me Pollyanna because I always look on the sunny side of life. I objected saying there’s nothing wrong with looking for the light, even in the darkest situations…as long as you don’t stick your head in the sand. I think I keep a weather eye out for the realities of the world while still trying to look on the bright side.

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I’ve gotta tell ya…and this is in NO WAY a political post…but, I’m just sick and tired of hearing all the ugliness these days. I keep looking for the God-spark in everyone and dang if it isn’t disheartening sometimes. I read something yesterday that punched me in the gut. Teachers can no longer teach kids the way we were taught. Because, the world we were raised for no longer exists. We didn’t have a TV till I was in school. Countries on the other side of the world were nothing but stories in the encyclopedia. We didn’t have indoor plumbing at my grandma’s house till I was in first grade. We went from that to landing a man on the moon by the time I was in high school. To think the computer onboard an Apollo spacecraft was far, far less sophisticated than a Blackberry…and they are archaic in the grand scheme of things.

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Between the Information Age, readily accessible electronics, and Joe Public’s thirst for all things that would have been cringeworthy a decade or two ago, we are bombarded with violence. When I grew up, coverage of the Vietnam War and shoot-em-up Westerns were about as violent and graphic as anything you would likely witness unless you saw a terrible accident. You can’t put smoke back in a bottle. Once you see this stuff, it’s in your brain…and in your heart.

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Mr. FixIt and I had to run to town yesterday to get the shower insert for the new bathroom. As I was gathering my things to leave, he asked me to watch a story from CBS Sunday Morning. It was about Sandy and Lonnie Phillips. Their daughter was one of the victims in the 2012 mass shooting in the movie theater in Aurora, CO. She was with a friend who was an EMS. He was shot twice and he did everything he could to save her, but he couldn’t.

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As I watched this story, my heart broke for all of them. I know grief. But I know nothing of the grief that comes with violence. Instead of climbing into the never ending hole of horror, they chose to help other victims of mass shootings. They’ve rented their house out, quit their jobs, sold everything they owned, and travel from place to place pulling a travel trailer….following the shootings. They started in Newtown, then went to Isla Vista, San Bernardino, Orlando, Las Vegas, Sutherland Springs, Parkland, Santa Fe, Pittsburg and Thousand Oaks. The equivalent of a soldier with PTSD running into firefight after firefight after bloody firefight with no end in sight.

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It brings them no joy. They still cry every day out of sadness and pain and it’s been seven years since their daughter was murdered. But they do find satisfaction in helping others who are coming up the same path behind them. They are able to hang onto each other and offer comfort to others while being bombarded by conspiracy theorists who verbally threaten and harass them. Their super power is compassion.

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My soul is tired. My brain is bruised. My heart is weary. “I can do hard things.” But…in reality, can I? Could I do what the Phillips’ are doing? Could I survive such horrors? I think I couldn’t, but I know God could. I know I had to rely on Him to carry me through Mr. Virgo’s death so I have no reason to believe He won’t carry me through everything that comes to me in this life.

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I’m just so tired of all the anger, hatred, ugliness, violence, pain, depravity. I cling to the joy and hope I find in my faith. I pray for this world. I pray for wisdom. I pray for peace. I pray for strength to get through a time that numbs me. I don’t want to be numb. I want to always, always, always look for the light. Find the good. Encourage the downtrodden. Shine a light in the darkness. See, here’s the thing…there are a lot more good people on this earth than the media will lead you to believe.

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Look for the light. Look for the helpers. Yes, I get weary…I just can’t quit.

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So, I press on. I go outside and put my bare feet on the earth to ground myself. I feel the wind on my face. I close my eyes and turn my face to the sun. I hug people…a lot. It’s the best gift I can give them because I can’t help but get a hug in return. 

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If all of these things bother you, too…turn off the TV. Put down the newspaper. Go outside. Nature heals.

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❤️

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“Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.””    1 Peter 3:9-12 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-04-02T01:30:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/02/sick-tired.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/04/01/vibrant-women.html", "title": "Vibrant Women", "content_html": "

\"Vibrant “Vibrant Women…a women’s ministry.”

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Something phenomenal happened Friday night and it has taken me this long to process it. Actually, I’m sure I’ll be processing it for some time to come. We have a husband-wife team leading our church. It has been wonderful to watch Pastor Heather growing into a strong leader for the women of our region. A little over three years ago, God planted a seed in her to lead a Women’s Ministry. She gathered her friends together, told them her ideas for this movement, and asked them to start feeding her possible names. When she heard “Vibrant Women”, she was moved. Vigorous. Energetic. Lively. Vital. All words that resonated with where she wanted to go with this movement….words that described women of strong faith.

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This was the third Vibrant Women event held at our church…the second I have attended. It’s come a long way since the beginning. I think there might have been two-hundred women at the first one. Friday night saw almost SEVEN HUNDRED women packed into our church. There wasn’t a seat in the house. The sound booth said at one point the decibel scale peaked out at the same level as a jet engine. It was crazy fun. The energy level in that room was amazing.

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We had a guest pastor…Pastor April Carter of the Together Church in Yakima, Washington. Pastor April spoke about Living Beyond Fear. Oh….she touched every single one of us. At the end of her message, she told a personal story. Someone who works in her church called her…panic stricken. Then he arrived home, his house was surrounded by police, fire, and ambulance crews. They would not let him in the house. The only thing he knew was, something happened that involved his son. Pastor April and Pastor Micahn headed to the hospital to meet them.

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As they sat there, waiting for word of what was going on, she absentmindedly fingered a necklace she was wearing that a friend gave her. It is engraved…”I Can Do Hard Things”. The time dragged slowly by. They prayed together. They held each other up. And, finally…the doctor came out. Their friends’ son had gotten his hands on a gun and somehow accidentally shot himself. And they could not save him. Pastor April closed her eyes and repeated to herself…

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“I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I can do hard things.”

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Since Mr. Virgo died, I haven’t been so good in medical emergencies. There have been times I haven’t been able to show up for people who need me to do hard things. Pastor April challenged us to put on our boxing gloves and get in the ring of life and fight. Listening to her, I felt empowered. I felt stronger. I felt like trying harder and being the best version of myself I can be. I mean, isn’t that what faith does for us? 

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“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Even the hard things.

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We were doubly blessed in that Pastor April delivered our message at church yesterday too so we got to hear her twice this weekend. I googled her name on YouTube last night and there was a message called “Hard Reset”. You should give it a listen if you are interested. She is very good. 

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❤️

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“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”\n

Philippians 4:13 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-04-01T01:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/04/01/vibrant-women.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/27/the-ponderosa.html", "title": "The Ponderosa", "content_html": "

\"Farm\" “The Ponderosa is the land I have dreamed of all my life.”

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I’ve still been recuperating from this bronchitis/cold/virus/allergy thing. Kind of laying low, taking care of myself. To keep from re-infecting Mr. FixIt (he already had this last month), I’ve been spending a lot of time out in TOW-Wanda…resting, reading, writing, napping, cogitating. It has been very good for me to spend so much time in my little house on wheels. It certainly made winter go by MUCH quicker!

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As I was writing this yesterday, I was stretched out in my “sun room”…the slide-out in my camper. It is actually the dinette, but it collapses down and makes a twin-sized bed and I actually have a mattress in there. I have piles of pillows and comfy blankets all around so it’s a nice little cocoon in which to snuggle and write and dream.

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An e-mail came in while I was writing and it took me back probably ten years or so. It was from a site called Land Watch. Many years ago, I was trying to convince Mr. Virgo that it would be a very good idea to move back home to West Virginia. He humored me and looked at the farms and land I found. He half-heartedly searched for B&B’s for sale here and in the surrounding states. But, he came from Pennsylvania…he lived a long time in Florida…all with the goal of ultimately living in Colorado. His Nirvana. I think if push came to shove, he would have moved here for me…but he wouldn’t have been happy. God had different plans anyway because he took Mr. Virgo to His home before I could take him to mine.

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As I looked at that e-mail and thought of all those times I dreamed of having a few acres in West Virginia, I looked out the windows of TOW-Wanda at the fields and far hills of the Ponderosa and smiled. I have what I have always dreamed of having. A faith-filled life. A wonderful family…biological and bonus. And land…a garden, grass, trees, flowers. TWO farms, actually. I’m doubly blessed. I had no idea ten years ago I would realize my lifelong dream but it wouldn’t look at all like I thought it would. It’s funny how life plays out. 

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I took the liberty of blurring out some identifying features in the photo above. There’s a neighbor up at the top there…I blurred out their home. And I blurred out the roads and route numbers that were on the map. But it gives you an excellent view of the Ponderosa. All that green there? That’s what we mow! This satellite image was taken at least two and a half years ago because the maple is still in the front yard. It fell in late 2016 or early 2017. You can see the curved drive where there are two campers parked. My TOW-Wanda sits where that blue dot is on the map. 

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Nature is getting ready to show off…things are getting green. The trees are starting to bud. The forsythia are blooming, as are the daffodils. They were stunted somewhat by the polar vortex, I think. They are much shorter than usual. We were walking through the yard on Monday and realized it won’t be long till we need to mow it. It will be at least a month before we get the pool ready. As I am writing this, the sun is shining. We are at our high for the day…51 degrees. We are going to our Alma Mater’s Girl’s Softball game this evening to watch one of the granddaughters play. It is a good life we live and I still have to pinch myself sometimes to believe I’m really here.

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❤️

\n
“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters,”    Psalm 23:2 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-27T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/27/the-ponderosa.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Presence","Choices","Change","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/26/widowed-or-single.html", "title": "Widowed or Single?", "content_html": "

\"Widow\" “Has the mental image of ‘widow’ changed all that much?

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One of my friends shared a post with me yesterday. Ironically, it turns out I know the woman who wrote it. And, I know her well enough to understand what she meant by what she said about being called a widow. The writer, Jan, said she didn’t like the term “widow” because it conjures up this preconceived notion of “old” and “feeble”. As she says, we live in an era where ageism runs rampant. Our gray hair and social mores puts the widow in an unenviable position on more levels than grief alone.

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Jan says she hates going into doctor’s offices and filling out the forms, having to select widowed or single. She has taken to saying she is “single-by-death” because, she DOES feel single. I’m all for changing the vernacular and the image of widows. Of course, the early throes of acute grief is a time where most of us feel old beyond our years, lost, destined to a life of lonely sadness. After that period of crisis, we do begin…in our own time…to heal and move forward. I don’t know any widow who wants to be looked down on and pitied. In this day and age, widows aren’t a bunch of doddering old ladies wearing black and sitting in the corner crying all the time.

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I hated the term widow, too. I thoroughly resented it at first because I was very, very busy trying to pretend he didn’t die. Calling me a widow just turned a spotlight on my spectacular ruse and left me with nothing but shadow puppets of my former life. I sometimes rebelliously referred to myself as “single-by-chance” simply because I hated the word death as much as I hated the word widow. “Single-by-chance” could cover a lot of situations…death, divorce, break-ups. I liked it. But eventually, I just went with widow and tried to show what one looks like by pulling a huge camper across the country alone and dancing on the bar at Coyote Ugly and going into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado for three months…alone.

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In researching photos for this post, I Googled “widow”. There was a plethora of images of spiders and Scarlet Johansson in a black latex catsuit with the occasional Civil War era tintype of a haunted woman in black thrown in for good measure. This got me to thinking…if Google is any indication, maybe the world isn’t as obsessed with the word “widow” as widows themselves are. Widowhood and grief are lonely pursuits. We are singular. We are rather myopic. We have lost half of our whole. At least, we have for a while. Eventually, half reduces itself…bit by tiny little bit.

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I was widowed…singled-by-chance…surely not by choice. Now that Mr. FixIt and I have married, when I relate my story in my work as a speaker and a writer, I say I was widowed. I suppose in the absolute vernacular, I am a widow. But that is a far smaller piece of who I am today than it used to be. I think that’s the way it should be…for me. 

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That’s the beauty of language and social norms. We can change things. We can change the words and the images of who we are in the world today. Who we are and how we want to be seen. What works for one may not work for another. Be who…or what…you are. Empirical evidence says…I am a Child of God…first and foremost. The rest is superfluous.

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❤️

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““Cursed is anyone who withholds justice from the foreigner, the fatherless or the widow.” Then all the people shall say, “Amen!””    \n

Deuteronomy 27:19 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-03-26T01:30:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/26/widowed-or-single.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/25/into-the-woods.html", "title": "Into the Woods", "content_html": "

\"Satellite “A satellite view of The Farm….lots and lots of trees and hills.”

\n

You have seen pictures of the farmhouse I’ve been caring for…the home of my heart. I’ve tried to describe what the 74 acres looks like. “Lots of trees and woods” is a bit of an understatement and it’s hard to picture if you are unfamiliar with the dense deciduous woods of West Virginia.

\n

I went on Google Maps and took a satellite view of the farm. I wasn’t able to get all the land in one picture without making the house look so small you couldn’t see it. But, that little red dot in the lower left corner is the map pin on the house. And those dense woods you see there is maybe two-thirds of the farm itself. Inside those woods are trails and roads, creeks and rocky outcroppings. And somewhere off to the right about one-third up from the bottom is the strawberry shed where we sorted berries for the farmer’s market.

\n

The ground gains elevation rapidly on both sides of the house and comes together in a “V” and on up the hills to the back of the farm. The little creek that comes down off those hills and runs right past the bedroom window roars when there’s been heavy rain. It crosses under the road through a two or three foot culvert and joins the bigger creek across the road. That flows on down to a larger river, to a larger river, to the Ohio River to the Mississippi River, and finally to the Gulf of Mexico. Water from our farm. Isn’t that cool?

\n

Well, in theory it is cool. But this is the time of year for massive flooding so our rushing creek water gets added to thousands of other creeks and the drainage backs up. Our watershed isn’t related to the flooding in the Midwest. Their flooding is of epic proportions and people are still trying to dig out from under that.

\n

Before Parkersburg built the flood wall, town used to flood a lot. When I was a little girl, around five years old, the creek that ran beside our house overflowed its banks and we were evacuated by rowboats going up our street. Since then, a lot of mitigation work has been completed and they don’t see that kind of flooding anymore.

\n

We are supposed to be getting rain all day again. A little cooler today, but soon….soon we will enjoy long stretches of warm spring days and we can spend more time outside. The forsythia is just started to bloom. Whole hillsides are covered with bright yellow daffodils. They were an inexpensive flower that farm wives could afford to put in their yards to brighten up their little corners of the world. As a matter of fact, you drive along country roads and you can tell where houses once stood by the evidence of daffodils in a square or rectangle…surrounding the perimeter of a house long gone.

\n

The grass is greening up. Mr. FixIt and I remarked that we’ll be mowing before long. And, the spring onions are sending up their shoots in clumps all through the lawn. The first time or two that we mow, it will smell strongly of onions when we pass over them. When I was a little girl and we milked cows, the milk smelled and tasked of onion. NOT want you want to eat on your !Cheerios! The butter also smelled like onions…not quite so bad if you were putting in vegetables, but yucky if you were putting on biscuits with jelly.

\n

I love, love, love this time of year. Time to roll up our sleeves and get stuff done! 

\n

❤️

\n
“Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants.”    Deuteronomy 32:2 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-25T01:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/25/into-the-woods.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Fun","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","God","Peace","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/24/sunday-memories.html", "title": "Sunday Memories", "content_html": "

\"Hanky\" “Grandma always carried a fresh hanky wherever she went.”

\n

I was looking through my picture albums on my iPad yesterday. I sometimes browse to find old memories that stir up a story for you. This one did just that. I’ve been writing about The Farm since early on in this blog. Grandma’s farm holds a king-sized piece of real estate in my heart so my stories often center around my memories there. And, since I am knee deep in editing my rough draft for the book, I have been writing and re-reading these stories.

\n

For as far back as I can remember, my grandma tied a shiny dime in the corner of a clean hanky and gave one to each of us kids to take to church. The hanky for our little noses…the shiny dime for the collection plate. Then Pop-Pop gave us each a stick of Beeman’s gum. Actually, we only got half a stick till we got older. I can remember when I ‘graduated’ to a full stick…I felt so grown up.

\n

\"Bethel “Bethel Chapel…the little church on the hill. I drew this picture June 28, 2001…sitting on the sidewalk out front.”

\n

The little church-house up on the hill has been there since June 9, 1914. It hasn’t had a lot done to it in all those years. Two rooms were built on the back for classrooms and an indoor bathroom…something we didn’t have the pleasure of when I was growing up. The windows have been replaced. The belfry was listing to one side so it’s been shored up. It has been painted countless times over the years. When my cousin Rick and his wife Charlotte got married, my Aunt Peeps painted that church all by herself so it would be fresh for the wedding. That woman loved to paint!

\n

I have some really wonderful memories of that little church. And I’ve had some of my most traumatic there. This was the church where the little circuit preacher literally scared the pee out of me and I headed off to find God some other way. That led me to eventually becoming Jewish for twenty-seven years, and now…here I am…full circle and back to my roots. This was also the church where my parents were married, where my Pop-Pop was one of the lay-ministers, and where his funeral was held. Many Sundays I sat in the hard wooden pews as a little girl with my feet dangling mid-air, clutching my little hanky and worrying out the knot to get my dime ready for the collection. Many Sundays, Aunt Idy played the rickety old piano…it’s keys sticking and horribly out of tune. 

\n

Aunt Idy lived in a crooked white house. She was a tiny, frail little thing…never married. She helped care for her invalid sister and brother and she was my grandma’s best friend. Once a week, Aunty Idy called to get the latest “news” for the Ritchie County Gazette. She wrote the column about the latest goings on up Dutchman road and Grandma always cringed when she saw something about herself in the paper. She abided by the rule “Fool’s names, like their faces, always seen in public places.” It was usually something like “so-and-so had a visit this week from such-and-such from somewhere” or “Mr. & Mrs. Somebody went to Parkersburg this week to see the doctor. All were given a clean bill of heath!” Thank God Grandma never told her about hemorrhoids!

\n

Grandma’s hankies. I have a couple of them somewhere in my things…the things I couldn’t part with. I don’t know that my kids will be interested…or even my grandkids. So, maybe when it’s my time to go, I’ll tie a shiny dime in the corner and go looking for Grandma. 

\n

❤️

\n
“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: “They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.””    2 Corinthians 9:6-9 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-24T01:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/24/sunday-memories.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","West Virginia","The Farm","Comfort","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/11/tap-tap-tap.html", "title": "Tap Tap Tap", "content_html": "

\"\" “Typing away…tap, tap, tap!”

\n

I am back to work on the book. I’m editing the first rough draft and it’s going really well, actually. My prayer going into this was to have a cheerful heart and find joy in the process. It’s amazing what a change in attitude can do in making a normally arduous task into something of a pleasure. Fresh eyes and a little distance gives you a new perspective and it’s easier to identify where the story needs polishing.

\n

I took yesterday off. Grandma always instructed us to keep the Sabbath. She told me if I ever sewed anything on Sunday, I’d spend all of eternity picking it out with my teeth. I can approach editing with more joy than before, but that doesn’t mean I want to spend all eternity doing it! We went to church with the family and then brunch. 

\n

I bought the piece to fix the toilet at the farm. I need to fill the propane tanks for TOW-Wanda. Then I can hole up in the camper and write. Oh…and I finally took down the Christmas tree. I figured it was time with the spring forward thing!

\n

We had such a lovely warm day yesterday. We got out of the truck after church and the peepers were singing! That is definitely the harbinger of spring. We made it through another winter! 

\n

Oh, I wanted to tell you about something that happened last week. Actually, it started about a month ago. I had a small mole on my temple that suddenly started to grow. I didn’t think much of it, but when it became tender and was really getting quite noticeable, I figured it was about time to call the dermatologist to go in and have it taken off. 

\n

Then I heard a sermon on healings. The premise was to not only pray for the healing….but to believe in the healing and thank God for it as if it had already occurred. Last week, I placed my finger on the growth and thanked God for taking it away for me. I just believed it was gone. I really wish I would have taken a picture of the growth for proof because…in two days’ time, it quite literally dried up and fell off! I run my fingers over the smooth skin where this growth was and I am just so amazed. Power of suggestion? Placebo effect? Nah…I’m going with divine intervention! Isn’t that amazing? ❤️

\n
“Heal me, Lord, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.”    Jeremiah 17:14 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-11T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/11/tap-tap-tap.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Humbled","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/03/04/march-forth.html", "title": "March Forth", "content_html": "

\"March “March forth on March 4th!”

\n

One of the benefits of being 65 is hindsight. I look back over my life and see a mishmash of events and situations that have led me to the exact spot where I stand today. Any decision along the way could have taken me in an entirely different direction. What if I hadn’t had the two marriages that ended in divorce? I wouldn’t have these beautiful daughters that have blessed my life so tremendously. I wouldn’t have Big and Little to make my heart sing. I wouldn’t have the in-laws and extended families that come with marriages. I wouldn’t have the lessons I learned through it all.

\n

Each decision brought the next circumstance. While the second divorce was the worst because it was the longest marriage…if we hadn’t parted company, I never would have met Mr. Virgo. He helped me to believe in myself. He taught me so much about life and unconditional love. I tell people he taught me how to live without him by showing me I am much stronger than I ever believed. And then he died. 

\n

I can’t help but look back over the past nearly six years since Mr. Virgo died and marvel at the resilience of the human heart. I was battered, crushed, totally broken when he died. And bit by bit, I picked up the pieces of my broken self and handed them to God to hold. They cut me when I tried to hang on to them. He faithfully, diligently stitched the pieces back together, making sure I resembled who I was before but knowing he couldn’t make a carbon copy.

\n

Faith. Hebrews 11:1 says “…faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” It wasn’t just my heart God stitched back together. He instilled in me…hope. When it was 3:00am and I was clinging to the edge of the mattress hoping to just get through the night, He whispered hope. When I cried till I couldn’t breathe…He whispered hope. He breathed hope into my life every single day so that I could find the strength to march forth into the next day, and the next, and the next. 

\n

It’s been 2,182 days I’ve marched forth. I have friends who are on day 4…day 21…day 93. My heart hurts for them. I want them to understand, I know it hurts. And I know you think you will never survive this or feel joy again. I let God carry the sharp bits for a long time. I handed the pieces over and asked Him to start stitching. I let Him breathe hope into the dark places. That’s how I got through. 

\n

Here I am…happily married again. The size of my family has literally doubled. So has my joy…and my faith. ❤️

\n
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”   Hebrews 11:1 KJV
\n", "date_published": "2019-03-04T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/03/04/march-forth.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Wisdom","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/27/writing-and-praying.html", "title": "Writing and Praying", "content_html": "

\"Praying “Prayers, Praises, and Persistence”

\n

I was a little worried when I went out to TOW-Wanda yesterday morning. Were the words going to come? Or was I going to hit another roadblock like I did Monday? I gathered my gear, grabbed my coffee, kissed Mr. FixIt, and headed to “the office”.

\n

Once the furnace was on, I slipped out of my shoes and climbed into my little writing nook. I took a few moments to gather my thoughts and figure out a plan of action. Holding the warm coffee between my hands, I closed my eyes and prayed. 

\n

“Lord, thank you for all these words you’ve been sending me. Thank you for this comfortable place to write in and call my own. Thank you for trusting me to be your hands. Lord, I’m not sure what happened yesterday. My friend Gail says you were just giving me a day of rest. Whatever it was, Lord…please make me a vessel. Use me in whatever way you can. I promise I’ll do what you say. Amen”

\n

I sipped my coffee and was about to open the document app and resume writing the book when I felt the nudge. 

\n

“Find your verse.”

\n

This is something I do when I want to hear personally from God. When I’m having a specific issue, I ask God to help me find my verse…the one he speaks through. If I have my bible, i just open it to the spot that feels right, close my eyes, and point. That is my verse, and 99.9% of the time, it speaks to me directly regarding whatever issue it is I’m dealing with. I can do the same thing with the app.

\n

When I opened my app yesterday, chose a book, then chose a chapter, the Parable of the Persistent Widow came up. I kid you not. I took one look at it and laughed with glee.

\n

“Awwww, Jesus…you are SO good. Would you look at that? How do you expect people to believe this?”

\n

It’s true. The parable was told to the Disciples to remind them to pray and to never give up. You can’t make this stuff up…he answered me right there. So, I prayed again.

\n

“Ok, Lord…here I am praying and I’m never going to give up. I just feel like I’m supposed to be going somewhere with this book but I’ve lost my direction. I’m giving it back to you. Guide me where you want this to go.”

\n

Just then a dear friend texted me and asked me to give her a call. She said, “I just want to tell you how proud I am of you. You’ve been talking with God. AND…you’ve also been listening to the Holy Spirit as he guides you through your book. You’re doing a great job. Keep it up!”

\n

Sometimes I wonder if other people can hear my chin hit the floor as much as I can. Not only did he send me a scripture saying “Keep praying! Never give up!” He nudged a friend to reach out and say, “You’re doing a great job. Thanks for listening to the Holy Spirit!” Hokey smokes!

\n

I scrolled back and found the exact spot where I went off the rails. I highlighted the words from that point to the end, cut, and pasted them into a new document I entitled “Extras” and saved it. I’m not going to throw those 12,000 words. They may come in handy in another book. I’m back to 52,422 words with a goal of 60,000 to 80,000. I also have a Mission Statement for my book so I know more specifically what to ask for.

\n

I don’t want to overwhelm you with God stories each and every day. There are days when other topics seep in, but even then, the underlying story is how God works into it. I also know the timbre of my writing has changed. But, when something so profound gets set down on a platter in front of me, how can I NOT share that? I still shake my head when things like this happen, even though I absolutely KNOW where it comes from. So, here’s my Worship Wednesday post! ❤️

\n
“One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up. “There was a judge in a certain city,” he said, “who neither feared God nor cared about people. A widow of that city came to him repeatedly, saying, ‘Give me justice in this dispute with my enemy.’ The judge ignored her for a while, but finally he said to himself, ‘I don’t fear God or care about people, but this woman is driving me crazy. I’m going to see that she gets justice, because she is wearing me out with her constant requests!’” Then the Lord said, “Learn a lesson from this unjust judge. Even he rendered a just decision in the end. So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will grant justice to them quickly! But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?””\n

Luke 18:1-8 NLT

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-27T02:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/27/writing-and-praying.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Writing","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/23/i-have-a-voice.html", "title": "“I Have a Voice”", "content_html": "

\"Woodcarving\" “I Have a Voice” woodcarving by Evelyn Jimenez

\n

I have met some of the nicest people through my blog. One is a widow named Evelyn. She became very ill after losing her husband and very nearly died herself. Evelyn is a woodcarver, which I find endlessly fascinating. I’ve tried my hand at carving but I haven’t had the right tools for the job. I really would love to try again sometime…in my SPARE time. sigh 

\n

A few weeks ago, I saw a little faceless woman she carved and titled, “I Have a Voice”. This little round woman struck my heart. I went for a very long time in my life without a voice. I felt like the faceless woman, being told I wasn’t good enough or I was stupid or I was too fat. When you hear these things over and over and over from someone who is supposed to love you, you soon come to believe them as true.

\n

I wanted my own little faceless woman to remind me that I am no longer without a voice. I wanted to remember that time when I was without a face so that I might recognize other faceless women. Instead of making me sad when I see her dejected little hands stuffed in her pockets, I smile because she might just be hiding cupcakes in there. 

\n

And…I know. I know she has a voice in there. I know because I had a voice inside…even when it was stifled. We can always say “I wish I would have known then what I know now.” For me it’s more like “I wish I would have known then WHO I know now.” I think if I’d known then how much God loved me, I would have loved myself more. And, if I’d loved myself more, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to be treated so poorly…even as a young child. Hindsight is 20/20. The best thing I can do now is mentor young women and make sure they know they are precious and loved and deserving. ❤️

\n
“The desert and the parched land will be glad; the wilderness will rejoice and blossom. Like the crocus, it will burst into bloom; it will rejoice greatly and shout for joy. The glory of Lebanon will be given to it, the splendor of Carmel and Sharon; they will see the glory of the Lord, the splendor of our God.”\n

Isaiah 35:1-2 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-23T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/23/i-have-a-voice.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/19/when-grief-calls.html", "title": "When Grief Calls", "content_html": "

\"Grief\" “When grief calls, I’ve learned to listen.”

\n

This past Sunday, our pastor spoke about “doing” the Word as well as ‘hearing’ the Word. He talked about how we become overweight Christians by coming to church and filling up on the Word without working it out. God gave the Word to us to not only fill us up, but to go out and DO it.

\n

This got me to thinking about what I “do” with what I’m given. My answer is…this. I write to you. I sit down with you for a little chat. You are so kind as to invite me into your space to share coffee or to rock on the porch or to hold your hand for a little while. Sometimes, you let me talk about Jesus and how he has changed my life. Sometimes, you laugh at my antics when I lock myself out of TOW-Wanda or I misunderstand something Mr. FixIt says. 

\n

But, most of all, you let me hold your heart a little while. You let me share how broken mine was. You let me share hope…for healing, for a brighter tomorrow, for a time when you won’t cry quite as much. You let me share love…for a man who left too early, for a man who came so unexpectedly, for a Man who was both God AND Man. You let me share courage…to face the future without your person, to face uncertainty about finances, to just weather the storm.

\n

When I went to the late service Sunday night, they had the Prayer Team at the front for an alter call. I watched as we continued to sing and worship, and my eyes rested on the leader of our small group. I wondered…who prays for the pray-ers? I went up to her after the service and said, “The Holy Spirit put it on my heart to pray for you tonight.” We went to the side wall and I held her hand and I thanked God for bringing this mighty Prayer Warrior into my life. I asked him to bless her and anoint her words when she helps to lead others in prayer.

\n

The point of all this is…this. THIS. This blog is a big part of my “purpose”. We all have a purpose. Something we were put on this earth to do. Mine was to help widows and others who have lost their special ones. I did this yesterday by writing another 5,656 words for a total of 36,216 towards the completion of my book. All in the last eleven days…with three days off. I’ve never experienced this sheer volume of writing before. At this rate, I’ll be done in less than three weeks. Then, what on earth will I do with my time? Oh….camp, build things, help people heal, start on Book #2! You never know what I’ll be up to next! ❤️

\n
“I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me.”\n

Psalms 57:2 ESV

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\n

“so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.”

\n

‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:5-8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-19T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/19/when-grief-calls.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/17/another-peaceful-day.html", "title": "Another Peaceful Day", "content_html": "

\"Deer “Deer grazing outside my window in TOW-Wanda.”

\n

I have now spent eight out of the last ten days in TOW-Wanda and I have to tell you…I feel like a million bucks! Usually by this time of year, I’m ready to pull my hair out with boredom. I usually become less content with each passing day, even though the daylight is becoming longer…the long, dark nights shorter. The only two things I have done differently this year is leave the tree up and spend long hours in my camper.

\n

There is a reason girl campers like their little houses on wheels. They offer us a safe sanctuary in which to create. Some of us haul our sewing machines out to the camper in the fall and sit out there happily sewing quilts, clothes for the grandkids, linens for the home, gifts for family and friends. Some knit and crochet, weaving prayers and stories into their creations. Some cross-stitch or needlepoint, creating marvelous pictures from colorful threads.

\n

Some gather friends to join us for tea or drinks, showing off our fancy little playhouses. Some have sleepovers with the grandchildren, bringing up the next generation to adore our little campers in the same way we have. There are as many different varieties of girl campers as there are travel trailers and we celebrate each and every one of them every time we tow.

\n

Me? Well, as you well know…and I’ve told you repeatedly this week…I write in TOW-Wanda every chance I get. I turn on Pandora, find the Nature Sounds channel, and listen to raucous rainstorms, salient sea breezes, flighty feathered friends chirping in the forests. I’m instantly transported from the chill of wintery West Virginia into another place, another time. My little twinkle lights glow above me…the view out the windows revealing a stoic blue heron near the creek or a browsing herd of deer making their way across the lawn. Yesterday, I watched the moonrise over the hills to the east of the Ponderosa and I counted my blessings in that very moment.

\n

I’ve written 30,560 words on my book as of last evening. Words that take me to corners of my mind I sometimes wish were never there. And to places and times that I cherish dearly. These words stir something in me…always. But they are just feelings now. They aren’t happening in this moment. That’s how I keep them from poking me now with little barbs…trolls with sharp sticks…fairies with tiny wands…giants with hammers. They aren’t happening now and God is bigger than any poking thing in our lives. 

\n

30,560….encouraging words, painful words, funny words, sad words, terrifying words, loving words. This thing is happening! ❤️

\n
“A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.”\n

Proverbs 15:4 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-17T02:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/17/another-peaceful-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","goRVing","Grace","God","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Presence","Peaceful Moments","Girl Camper","Girl Campers","Writing","Choices","Change","Art"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/16/verbosity.html", "title": "Verbosity", "content_html": "
\n
    \n\"Keyboard\"“I’ve typed over 25,000 in seven days, not including my blog posts. Crazy!”
\n
\nMy mother said I had the “gift of gab”. Daughter #2 swears I can “talk to a tree”. They are both correct. I am, as my longtime sister/friend puts it...wordy. I try to trim my words down, but If I don’t tell you the back story, how are you going to get the significance, right?\n

I fixed my coffee and stepped into TOW-Wanda at around 10:00 yesterday morning. By 4:30, with only one short break, I had over 25,000 words written over the course of seven writing days. I think that’s got to be some sort of record! For me, anyway.

\n

It made me curious…what is the average word count for authors? Turns out, Google knows everything. Ernest Hemingway churned out 500 to 1000 words per day. Stephen King claims he types upwards of 2000 words per day. One thousand words per day is the average for bloggers. Twenty-five thousand words in a week isn’t counting the blog. Holy cats!

\n

A memoir, or autobiography, is in the same category as a novel and should be between 80,000 and 89,000 words. It’s important to keep track of your word counts. Too few words and you aren’t giving your readers enough. Two many, and you’re trying to emulate War & Peace and it’s snoozeville. Anything over 100,000 is more expensive for a publisher to produce so it’s important to try to land somewhere in these guidelines.

\n

So, I’m at 25,000 words. If I can continue at the current rate, I could have the rough draft done in less than a month. That would be awesome. Thanks for hanging in there with me! I’ll be back out there today. My plan is to just take Sundays off. ❤️

\n
“\"Have you understood all these things?\" They said to him, \"Yes.\" And he said to them, \"Therefore every scribe who has been trained for the kingdom of heaven is like a master of a house, who brings out of his treasure what is new and what is old.\"”\n

Matthew 13:51-52 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-16T02:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/16/verbosity.html", "tags": ["Faith","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/15/the-hazards-of-writing.html", "title": "The Hazards of Writing", "content_html": "

\"Writing “When I write a ton, I have a tendency to forget who I told what to. It’s an occupational hazard.”

\n

I’m knee deep in writing this book now. All week, I have gathered my coffee and my writing gear and headed out to “the office”…my wonderful little home on wheels…TOW-Wanda. I turn on the furnace and curl up on the day bed, cover up, and sip coffee till it warms up enough to concentrate. When I shut it down at 3:00 yesterday afternoon, I had 20, 534 words written. It’s amazing!

\n

This is in addition to writing my blog post every day and normal communications with people via text, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and e-mail. Whew! There are a ton of words flowing out of these fingers and I’m literally typing as fast as I can. The downside of all that is…I cant remember who I’ve told what to. Did I type that in a tweet yesterday or text it to my friends Janine and Gayle this morning? Was that story in my blog last week or was I telling someone about that when I saw them yesterday? It’s partially age. It’s partially multiple head injuries and the subdural hematoma I received when my truck was totaled two years ago. It’s partially the brain fog of grief still affecting me. And, it has a lot to do with the sheer volume of words that I write.

\n

I know I’ve told you this week that writing the book this time is totally different, but I’m going to tell you again…because it amazes me. When the words flow like this, it’s magic. Time and space disappear. It’s a cross between watching a movie and writing what I see, and typing out dictation. I know it sounds trite to tell you the words don’t even seem to come from me. I know sheer repetition over the years has honed my writing skills, but still…I’ll read something I write and think, “Wow, that’s pretty good. I wish I could write that well!” It’s both intriguing and disconcerting to feel so disconnected from the process and still have it turn out ok.

\n

I know I told you it’s easier emotionally this time, but I’ll elaborate on that. Yes, it’s easier in that it doesn’t feel like I’m ripping my heart out of my chest to write this time. However, I’m finding my level of discomfort varies with the topic of the day. I wrote something about anxiety the other day, and that night I felt anxiety rise up in me about something. I haven’t felt true anxiety for quite some time so I can only attribute it to the writing because nothing else has changed. Yesterday I wrote about an episode of childhood sexual abuse and I could feel the prickles of adrenaline running up the back of my arms. I was writing about hard stuff and my body was feeling it.

\n

It’s ok to feel these things. If I am so disconnected from the emotions of the experience, my writing would be flat. It’s a thin line between feeling the feels and having my heart ripped out of my chest. I’ve been praying that God will help me say what he wants me to say, and to give me just enough juice to feel it. He is a good and compassionate Father and he is walking me through this every day. I feel his presence when I work. I am grateful for that.

\n

We had bible study last night. We are still working our way through Goliath Must Fall by Louie Giglio and last night we covered the chapter on Comfort. The Giant of Comfort isn’t those times we take a break and go on vacation or when we have really great furniture that cradles our bodies. The kind of comfort Louie is talking about is complacency. When we do just enough to get by. He said we are closer to God when we are are experiencing discomfort. In other words, when we are out of our comfort zones. When we expand and reach and push ourselves to do something we really feel God is telling us to do, but it’s not something we are necessarily excited about doing. But we do it anyway. that’s letting the Giant of Comfort fall. I feel like that’s what I’m doing with my writing. Sometimes I write things that literally make me squirm. They aren’t always comfortable to talk about. I just truly feel like I’m doing what God has called me to do and he tells me to be honest. There’s very little I hold back here, much to the dismay of some of my friends. 

\n

Anyway, I just wanted to say, if I start repeating myself too much, someone give me a holler, will ya? Cause there’s only so much I can keep in this little brain when I’m writing this much. ❤️

\n
“do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”\n

Philippians 4:6 ESV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-15T02:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/15/the-hazards-of-writing.html", "tags": ["Faith","TOW-Wanda!","Growth","Comfort","God","Wisdom","Courage","Peaceful Moments","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/14/on-lovingunconditionally.html", "title": "On Loving...Unconditionally", "content_html": "

\"A “I am a Christian AND I love everyone… unconditionally.”

\n

The other day, a West Virginia delegate made a series of ugly and disparaging comments about the LGBTQ community. He compared them to terrorists and the Ku Klux Klan. He was interviewed later and given an opportunity to clarify his position, and it was actually SO much worse than what was originally reported. When asked what he would do if his son or daughter came home and told him they were gay, the delegate said if it was his daughter, he would take her for a pedicure. If it was his son, he would take him hunting. And if, upon their return, they still said they were gay…he would take them out and “see if they could swim”. The interviewer was aghast and asked, “Are you saying, you would take them out and try to drown them???” He just looked at her with a sinister grin and didn’t answer.

\n

I was sickened, on so many levels. First and foremost, that he has this kind of hatred in his heart and calls himself a Christian. Second, that he would turn away from his children, or worse…do them physical harm. And, finally…it HAD to be a West Virginian. Why did he have to come from MY state? The answer is, because there are people like him in every state.

\n

Here of late, I have been so uplifted and fortified by my faith, I have been shouting “Hallelujah!” from the rooftops. And that’s how I feel…excited by the ways I see God move in my life. Excited about the opportunities to share my stories of his love and provenance. Then, this week…I received this wedding invitation. And I was reminded, I may be giving people the wrong idea about who I am in my faith.

\n

Some people may equate my bold Christian joy with the kind of person who denigrates those who are unlike them, like that delegate from West Virginia. Nothing could be further from the truth. I do not discriminate against anyone. I’m not perfect, but I certainly try to emulate Jesus at every turn. He loves everyone. He does not see people from the outside. He looks at their hearts. After raising my daughters in the Jewish faith, I was appalled when Daughter #2 came home from school crying because the kids called her a “stupid f****** Jew”. I held her close and tried to explain ignorance and intolerance and bigotry. It broke my heart. 

\n

I respect all faiths, save for those who kill people in the name of their god. I respect all people, save for those who kill or maim or injure children or animals. When I raise my voice in praise for Jesus, I don’t want it to exclude my love for others who don’t believe as I do. I don’t want to walk ahead of and ignore the one who is still looking for God. I don’t want the Muslims and the Jews and the Seiks and the Hindus and even the atheists…anyone of any faith…to think I do not love them equally. I look for, and see, the God in all people. That divine spark that comes from somewhere far beyond the stars. That sign of something far greater than any of us here. 

\n

I also embrace the LGBTQ community as my fellow human beings, who house that same divine spark as me. It is not my place to judge anyone…not even that delegate from West Virginia. Everyone will be judged by their maker in the end. It’s not my job. At the same time, I’m going to tell you about this amazing Jesus who rules my life. And, I’m going to show you, as best I can by the way that I live, how a good and loving and forgiving Father has changed me. The two can, and in my humble opinion SHOULD walk hand in hand.

\n

Because, you see…that wedding invitation we got in the mail this week? That’s from Daughter #2 and her fiancée…a very kind and loving woman who has helped my baby become a better version of herself. They are getting married in Colorado in August. They love each other completely… unconditionally. How can I not do the same with both of them? This is my child. We love who we love. It is not my place to judge. You may do what you wish, but I do pray I will always, always, always land on the side of love. Because that is the way Jesus loves me.

\n

***If you don’t agree with me, that’s ok…I won’t judge you either. I know this is a hot topic for some, but this is my house, my rules. We speak with respect here. This is a case where we’ll take my grandma’s advise…”If we can’t say anything nice, we won’t say anything at all.” ❤️

\n
“As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions. One person believes he may eat anything, while the weak person eats only vegetables. Let not the one who eats despise the one who abstains, and let not the one who abstains pass judgment on the one who eats, for God has welcomed him. Who are you to pass judgment on the servant of another? It is before his own master that he stands or falls. And he will be upheld, for the Lord is able to make him stand.”\n

Romans 14:1-4 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-14T02:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/14/on-lovingunconditionally.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Be Joyful!","Marriage","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/11/a-marshmallow-day.html", "title": "A Marshmallow Day", "content_html": "

\"Hot “Cold, grey days are Marshmallow Days!”

\n

I got home safe and sound yesterday just in time to leave for church. The tree that had fallen across the road the night before was cut up and moved from the roadway. The same scenario is being repeated over the entire region with the thaw and soaking rains causing the ground to soften. All it takes is a little gust of wind and trees topple easily.

\n

We have thoroughly enjoyed church the last couple of weeks with Mr. FixIt’s daughter and family joining us. I can’t tell you how wonderful it feels to take up seven seats in a row. My heart is overflowing.

\n

Our pastor spoke on criticism yesterday. Good criticism comes from a place of love, and even though it stings, it is meant to lift us up. We all have suffered the other kind of criticism that really isn’t “criticism” at all. It’s self-serving and mean spirited and is critical. There’s nothing about love in that. Pastor Justin’s premise was…don’t let them in. Don’t listen to that.

\n

There is a difference between criticism and someone who is merely expressing an opinion and it might be difficult to discern that at times. The other day, someone I care about and whose opinion I value very much sent me a private message. In it, she said my writing has changed. I have become more “evangelical” than she likes on a daily basis. My very first thought was “sting”. Immediately followed by “that’s ok. I still love you.” 

\n

Since then, lots of things have gone through my mind. Am I coming on too strong and driving people away? Have I crossed the line into “Crazy Christian Lady who can’t talk about anything but Jesus?” I wanted to apologize. Then I decided…I really can’t. I write what comes to me. I write from my heart. And I am always brutally honest about my feelings and what I share. 

\n

Some people lose touch with God when they lose their special person. They can’t understand how a loving God could make someone suffer with cancer. Or they prayed for healing and it didn’t come. Or, any number of other reasons. For me…my faith has deepened tremendously since Mr. Virgo died. And especially since I started dating Mr. FixIt. I have never had a relationship that was so “equally yoked”. I’ve never had a partner who came to church with me every Sunday, who holds my hand with his right hand and praises with his left. I’ve never shared late night conversations about God. That alone is enough for me to want to shout from the rooftops. 

\n

This is a dark time of year. I talk about what is on my heart. I try not to make every day “Preaching Sunday” but there are only so many ways I can tell you I knitted all afternoon and still make it interesting. And I am infinitely fascinated by the way God works in my life.

\n

I am always open to loving criticism. I told my dear friend how much I appreciated her candor. I know my writing has changed. I’VE changed. I’ve grown in many, many ways in the last six years. And I truly hope you’ll hang around with me and keep reading. I’m still going to write what is on my heart, and if it’s Jesus or something he is teaching me, you can rest assured…I’m going to write about it. I’ll write about other stuff too, just to mix it up. But, I’m Jesus’ girl first and foremost…there’s no way I’m going to hide that. ❤️

\n
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”\n‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭2:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\n", "date_published": "2019-02-11T02:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/11/a-marshmallow-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/10/saved-again.html", "title": "Saved Again", "content_html": "

\"Grace “Knowing who saves me over and over brings me peace beyond understanding.”

\n

I finished my laundry and packed up the car. I had a last minute conversation with a wonderful woman I met recently. Then I headed home from the farm right about dusk. This photo looks like it was pretty light out, but it was dark, dark, dark when I headed into the home stretch on the two-lane country road. It was so dark, you were right on top of deer before you saw them, even with the brights on. Something ahead of me caught my eye. Not three seconds ahead of me, a big tree fell and crossed both lanes. Fortunately, I was going slow and didn’t need to slam on my brakes. I am well aware I missed this falling on me by the skin of my teeth.

\n

I happened to be on the phone with Mr. FixIt when I saw the tree fall. There was no one else on the road. He reminded me to put on my emergency flashers. I sat there for a few minutes as we discussed my course of action. I could wait there for someone to come along and either pull the tree off the road or cut it up and haul it off. Or, I could turn around and go back where I came from. There were two routes available to me. One took me through a long area with no cell service. The other took me across a road that had a number of mudslides this week. Ultimately it would take me clear into town and then I’d have to take the interstate south and back out another two-lane. A long, long drive in the dark and still there were areas with no cell service. I decided the shortest route would be best and I headed back toward the farm, but…when I got there, I had already dodged umpteen deer and for the first time in a long, long time, I was worried about driving in the dark, alone.

\n

When I got to the farm, I called Mr. FixIt and told him I planned to stay another night and I would be home in plenty of time to go to church. He agreed that was a good plan. That’s when I confessed I was actually worried about driving out here in the dark and I couldn’t understand why. I mean…nothing scares me. Three years ago, I wouldn’t have given this a second thought and would have looked at it as an adventure. But now? Now is different. Now it’s not just me. Now I’m not so foggy, not so careless with my existence. Now there are not only my children and friends who love me. Now there is a man and a bonus family that look to me with love and acceptance. It’s not that my life had no value, but even three years ago, the depth of my grief made it difficult to appreciate the time I had ahead of me…the family I already had that were still here and needed me. I have been awakened in the last two years. Awakened and earnestly appreciative of every precious moment I am given on this side of the grass.

\n

Moments after my call to Mr. FixIt, a friend sent me a message that Rt. 5, the alternate route I was preparing to travel, was now closed with a large downed tree. It would be quite some time before that road was cleared. Heavy equipment was being brought in to move the tree off the phone lines. So, it seems my guardian angel was quite busy last evening keeping me from harm. I thanked God all the way to the farm for always caring for me and for the protection he afforded me last night.

\n

And…over the last three days, I have written six chapters and 10,831 words on my book. I’ve written this book three times, at least. And every time before, it was a struggle. I’d read it and re-read it till I was sick of it and it never really spoke to me. It always seemed to me to come out flat…like I just wasn’t reaching the sweet spot where the story flowed. I’d put it away for months at a time, pick it up, and find the same problems. It wasn’t working. I have finally figured out why.

\n

I was approached nearly three years ago by a literary agent who was interested in my writing. We signed a contract for a book. I remember when we were getting acquainted, I told her my writing was faith-based and she suggested perhaps I should use a Christian publisher. She didn’t have those connections. I thought about it for a few moments and said no, it might be good if the book was out in the general populous because it could reach many who perhaps struggle with faith. We moved forward with the contract. In the following three years, two things became apparent to me. One, my social media presence hasn’t grown as fast as I had hoped and two, my faith has deepened and now I know I want a Christian publisher. I think God waited for me to decide to include him in the book before he made it clear which direction to go. And before he opened the floodgates of words.

\n

I have struggled for over a year with the decision to part ways from my agent. That dark voice kept whispering, “A bird in the hand, you know.” I finally stopped listening to that voice and paid attention to my gut…my inner God-voice…and send her an e-mail last week expressing my desire to change directions and head for a Christian publisher. She totally understood and felt that was the direction I should go and wished me well. So, now I have no agent, but I have the freedom of knowing I did the right thing and the trust that God will get this book out of me and onto paper.

\n

This time, writing is different. The words are literally falling out of me. I’m typing as fast as I can. Nearly 11,000 words in three days is phenomenal! The biggest difference I notice is, this time it’s not slaying me to write it. I feel the healing of the past three years and I know this is the right time. I’m really excited about that! ❤️

\n
“‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’”\n

Jeremiah 33:3 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-10T02:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/10/saved-again.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/09/the-farm-and-me.html", "title": "The Farm and Me", "content_html": "

\"window\" “The Farm is my ultimate happy place!”

\n

If the weather hadn’t turned colder yesterday, I would have spent the night out in TOW-Wanda last night. But, with a low of 17 degrees forecast, I opted for the next best thing and headed to the farm! I made sure Mr. FixIt had everything he needed, filled him with more cold meds, propped him up in his recliner with a cover and a heating pad and made my escape. He still has some potato soup to warm up and I promised I’d be back sometime today. I could sit and watch him suffer and watch TV, or I could write. With his full support, I chose writing.

\n

And write I did! As of the time I am typing this post, I’ve written 7141 words since Thursday morning at 11:00. That’s a lot of words! The goal when you write is just to get the rough draft down. Write it all out…worry about editing later. That is the most difficult part for me. I want it perfect the first time so I don’t have to go back over it again. I don’t know anyone that works for.

\n

I stopped at my cousin’s barn on the way out here yesterday to leave 80 cans of cat food and a 40 pound bag of dry cat food. Yes, I was prepared for the winter and had just purchased all that a few days before the cats were moved to their new home in the big barn. So, they were gifted cat food aplenty! I was thrilled to learn the kitties are hanging out there and haven’t wandered off. I saw Kitty Boy, the young short hair. My cousin said they were both there last night when he fed them. There are six roosters down at the barn and they all get along fine. This makes me happy!

\n

The farm is my time machine. Every time I get to stay here, I am swept back to my childhood. I get to feel all those really great feelings again. This farm and TOW-Wanda are my happy places. Right now, as I write this, I am propped up in Grandma’s bed. I cracked the window open when I first got here so I can hear the water running in the creek. We’ve had a lot of rain this week so the runoff is pretty high. 

\n

I’ve been really surprised we haven’t lost more trees out here. There are mudslides all around these parts this time of year. The ground freezes hard and when it thaws, it’s aerated. Then the heavy rains come and the ground gets so saturated, all it takes is a good windstorm and trees get uprooted. Mud and rocks slip down, sometimes covering the road…sometimes taking the road along with it. 

\n

As Mr. FixIt came home from bowling Thursday night, he called me to say there was a huge tree lying across the road at the top of a hill less that two miles from the house. He managed to turn around and, knowing every backroad within fifty miles of here, made a quick shortcut that would bring him back out on the two lane just past the tree. We were asking on the phone as he drove when he said, “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” I asked what was wrong and he said he drove right into standing water on the road. He wasn’t driving too fast…it was just there before he knew it. It’s easy to see how people can get caught up and swept away in high water when you have little to no warning it’s ahead. Thank goodness, he got right through and was home in no time.

\n

I stopped at the Piggly Wiggly on the way to the farm and picked up a few things. I had a small steak and baked potato for dinner. Yummmm! I’ll spend today writing and doing laundry before I head home. I hope you all are planning a wonderful weekend! ❤️

\n
“My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.”\n

Psalm 45:1 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-09T02:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/09/the-farm-and-me.html", "tags": ["Faith","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage","Peaceful Moments","Writing","Choices","The Cats","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/06/i-need-that-joy.html", "title": "I Need That Joy...", "content_html": "

\"Joy “I Need That Joy…down in my heart!”

\n

I love, love, love the way God works in my life! It’s like an elaborately woven tapestry with bright colors here and dark colors there…never seeing what’s developing in the picture till you get some perspective. That’s when you start to see how this thread that was pulled over here is causing that thread to move over there. And then you see…you really SEE. And you know beyond a shadow of a doubt…it is GOD!

\n

Case in point. We were standing in the lobby Sunday waiting for the doors to open and head into church. I was talking with my step-daughter about my blog and how my spiritual walk began to blossom within it. I explained how the enemy really started attacking me when I opened up my heart and started praising God in my writing and adding scripture to my posts. I attended my very first Revival and was baptized in the Spirit which took things to a whole new level. Pastor Matt told us one night to take back our homes and our properties and to banish the enemy from the premises. The next morning, I got Grandma’s old bible from the buffet and walked around the perimeter of the yard, hands outstretched, shouting praises without shame. I informed the enemy he had no dominion over me or my house and I showed him the boundary. It’s one of my favorite stories and it was the first time I had shared it with my bonus family.

\n

Soon, we went into the sanctuary and were seated. Pastor Justin gave a wonderful sermon about patience. At one point, he started getting animated and talked about banishing the enemy from our homes and properties. I sat back and smiled and thought, “Here it comes!” He went on to say, “Take your bibles and walk around the perimeter of your property and send the devil packing!” My step-daughter and I whipped around and looked at each other, mouths gaped open, and laughed out loud. I love it when that happens. And when you are attuned, it happens a lot. You just have to pay attention. I was so glad God showed them he was there!

\n

I told you earlier this year new things were coming. I still can’t talk about the specifics yet, but I knew there were a couple of associations I had to sever before I could move forward into the new project. I’ve waffled, I have to admit. Because a “bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”, as my grandma used to say. I prayed about it and told God I put all my trust in him and I know he will open the new doors where he wants me to go. I hit “send” on the last e-mail and immediately, Spirit told me to turn on the Christian radio station I was listening to earlier in the day. I did, and the worship song “Joy” by King & Country came on. Now, I’ve never heard that song, but listen carefully to the lyrics and you will hear God saying, “Yes! Things were critical and you made a choice. Now…feel the JOY!”

\n

Wow…these kinds of things really pump me up! My body was humming like I was plugged into an outlet. And, in all actuality, I was. I was getting recharged by the Holy Spirit. I couldn’t help but feel that “joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart!” More to come down the road as the journey continues. ❤️

\n

youtu.be/lA7n7TwPD…

\n
“Clap your hands, all peoples! Shout to God with loud songs of joy!”\n

Psalms 47:1 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-06T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/06/i-need-that-joy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/05/happy-mind-happy-life.html", "title": "Happy Mind, Happy Life", "content_html": "

\"Meme\" “Making the little things count, because the little things add up to be the BIG thing!”

\n

Yesterday was a really great day! First of all…the sun was shining and we had a high of 68 degrees here in West Virginia. A difference of over seventy degrees in three days…and Mr. FixIt has a sore throat. sigh I’m hitting him with Zinc and Vitamin C. And prayers!

\n

I met a friend for coffee yesterday at the new Starbucks. Sue is a budding artist and she gifted me a watercolor of a little bluebird. She knows how much I love them. For Christmas, I gave her a pair of socks that I knitted and she wanted to give me something special. I’ve had it sitting near me all day and it’s so sweet.

\n

The other day, when I learned Mr. FixIt’s family was going to join us at church, I made us each a notebook. It has three sections…a planner, a place for prayers and praises, and a section for sermon notes. I’ve always said I was going to take notes during the service and this was the perfect time to prepare.

\n

Happy Mind, Happy Life…

\n

My bonus granddaughter and I were talking about that just the other day. We were talking about the images we look at. You can never “unsee” something. And the things we choose to put in front of us for visual consumption changes us. It changes our brains. It changes how we see the world and how we see ourselves. We have to be ever watchful with what we choose to feed our minds because “we are what we eat.” 

\n

When I came in from sitting in the sun yesterday afternoon, I asked Alexa to play Contemporary Christian music. As I picked up my knitting, I let the uplifting music wash over me and fill me with the Joy of the Lord. My heart rose with the swell of the music…my skin still warm from the sun…my spirit still stirred from Sunday’s service. It’s good that we carry that image with us into the week. The image of God and the Word and Love and Fellowship and Goodness and Family. These are the things I choose as my Daily Bread. These are the things that I will fill myself with. ❤️

\n
“Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation—”\n

1 Peter 2:2 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-05T02:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/05/happy-mind-happy-life.html", "tags": ["Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","Growth","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/04/the-notsosuper-bowl.html", "title": "The Not-So-Super Bowl", "content_html": "

\"Hot “Super Bowl Party food!”

\n

Was it just me or was that not the most boring Super Bowl game ever? I mean…the commercials were even boring. We did have a wonderful day, though. Mr. FixIt’s daughter and her family came to church with us (second Sunday in a row!) and they really enjoyed the service. Everyone came out to our house and the weather was SO great! Clear, sunny, and sixty-four degrees. I made a big pot of chili, hot wings, guacamole and white cheese queso. Everyone played outside. We had the corn hole boards set up and the baby had her trike and some other toys. When the evening was over, I was fried, so I’ll just keep this brief. It was so wonderful to have the family with us at church and for an afternoon of fun. Boring game or not! It’s going to be 64 again today so I am making hay while the sun shines. Happy Monday! ❤️

\n
“And Jesus said to him, \"'If you can'! All things are possible for one who believes.\"”\n

Mark 9:23 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-04T02:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/04/the-notsosuper-bowl.html", "tags": ["Family","Fun","Gratitude","Grace","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/02/01/the-giant-of-rejection.html", "title": "The Giant of Rejection", "content_html": "

\"Giant “The Giant of Rejection…something I have battled my entire life.”

\n

Last night was our third session in the study series of Goliath Must Fall by Louie Giglio. This has been the most amazing program our Bible study group has done to this point. I’ve been looking forward to this particular session because rejection and it’s cousin, perfectionism, were my constant companions from a very, very young age.

\n

Everyone wants to be accepted. We enjoy the approval of others. If you say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me!” you can just about guarantee that, at least on some level, you very much DO care. This can stem from the smallest slight…something said casually, in jest, that really hit you and stung. Or it can be very real…your father abandoned the family, you were given up for adoption, you lost a job you loved…even the death of someone near and dear to your heart. The sting of rejection can haunt you all the days of your life.

\n

Louie Giglio postulates that you have two schools of thought that separate your thinking on the subject of rejection. 

\n

“So that.” and “Because.”

\n

You try to act or be a certain way so that people will love/accept/approve of you. 

\n

You are who you are because God is who HE is. 

\n

He chose you. He CHOSE you. He knew you before you were knitted in the womb of your mother. He knows the number of hairs on your head. You don’t need the approval of others BECAUSE you already have the approval of God. There is nothing you can do to make Him love you any more or any less. Isn’t that amazing???

\n

I’ve learned this along the way. I’ve learned to pinpoint where and how my particular train went off the rails. And I know with all logic that what Louie is telling us is true. But practicing it, in all ways? That’s a lifelong project when you have been rejected in a very painful way…especially at a very young age like I was. A sadistic teacher, childhood sexual abuse, and an alcoholic father were the perfect storm that set me on a path to find the love I never felt deserving of. I made great strides in therapy then met Mr. Virgo. That was my first experience of unconditional love. When I lost him, I was crushed…not only by his death, but by the loss of that unconditional love I had waited my whole life for. I didn’t think I could find that again…then Mr. FixIt came along.

\n

Still, when I find myself wanting approval, I remind myself. God chose me. He chose ME. The Creator of the Universe knows my name and how many hairs are on my head and still…He chose me. We all love being loved and approved of and accepted. But with the knowledge that God chose us and loves us immeasurably, we can do so in a healthy way. ❤️

\n
““Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.””\n

Jeremiah 1:5 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-02-01T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/02/01/the-giant-of-rejection.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/30/deep-freeze.html", "title": "Deep Freeze", "content_html": "

\"Frozen “The deep freeze is coming!”

\n

We are about to get hit with record breaking arctic weather. Actually, there are many places in America that will be colder than Antarctica today. That’s crazy! While I do not like cold weather like this, I can tolerate it if I don’t have to go out in it. So far this winter has been fairly mild in West Virginia with hardly any snow. Soon we will be past the threat of major storms and spring will be on its way.

\n

Yesterday, I accomplished very little. A couple of phone calls. Some paper work. I tidied up the kitchen and watched some old sermons I missed at church. But the rest of the day was spent knitting under my fur throw and watching old shows on TVLand. Andy Griffith and MASH. Part of me felt like a slug. The other part of me said it’s ok to do self care in the winter because God knows we work hard in the summer.

\n

I found this photo on Unsplash…a free source of stock photos in an app I use call Over. Whenever I use a stock photo, I always place a photo credit in the lower left hand corner, even though the photos are free. I do use a lot of my own photographs here, but I believe in putting credit where credit is due. I received a private message yesterday regarding the painting I shared with you last March. It’s the one of the woman jumping in Jesus’ arms. Someone has questioned whether the artist got permission from the photographer to use the photo in his art. I don’t know the answer to that. I have come to know the artist as a good Christian man and I do not believe he would do anything nefarious. That being said, if there is even a question regarding copyright infringement, I can’t be involved. That makes me sad, but I have to do the right thing for me and my “brand”. The worst part about this is, the art thieves made out like bandits at the artist’s expense and they will never be caught or prosecuted. I hope it gets resolved and the art will be made available at some point because it really struck a chord with people. ❤️

\n
“For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of man.”\n

2 Corinthians 8:21 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-30T02:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/30/deep-freeze.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/27/building-up-my-stash.html", "title": "Building up my Stash", "content_html": "

\"Hand-knit “Eighteen hand-knit cotton dishclothes are perfect for impromptu gifts.”

\n

Yesterday was a decompression day. Taking care of and loving on lots of people this week left me needing a day that was all about me, for the most part. I’m almost finished with the cotton yarn I bought to knit dishcloths. There’s probably enough to make a couple more. I have eighteen in my stash. I like having these around for impromptu gift giving. I also get a bar of lavender soap every time my doTerra order comes around and I don’t need vitamins. I put these things all away to have ready for birthdays and hostess gifts.

\n

I have this whole bonus family through marrying Mr. FixIt and I am thrilled to say the grandkids are going to church with me today! Mr. FixIt and I will go at noon then when he bowls this evening, I’ll take the grandkids with me and treat them out to dinner after church. I wanted to spend some quality time alone with them. Bonding time is important in step-families…even when the kids are all grown up. I’m so excited…I can hardly wait!

\n

I told you I would let you know if I slept well again when I practiced handing everything over to God before bed. Well, I did and it was amazing how fast I fell asleep…and stayed asleep all night. I think I’m onto something here!

\n

We haven’t been to church for two weeks because of bad weather. I can hardly wait to get there today…twice! Have a blessed Sunday, dear ones. I’ll see you this evening for Sunday Night Prayer Circle. ❤️

\n
“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children.”\n

Proverbs 17:6 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-27T02:30:49-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/27/building-up-my-stash.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/18/finding-the-right-tools.html", "title": "Finding the Right Tools", "content_html": "

\"Screws\" “Having the right tool leads to success.”

\n

Good communication skills have not always been my strongest suit. For years, I was afraid to speak up for fear of judgement and rocking the boat. That changed with Mr. Virgo and I’ve honed the skill with Mr. FixIt. Yesterday I told you he was being a little stingy with his power tools. So, that night, instead of stewing over it, I just pointed out that I like power tools, too. He smiled and said he just wasn’t used to women who know how to do things like that. I understand that. Not all women can, or even want to, operate power tools.

\n

Yesterday, we needed to build another brace at the other end of the bathroom floor. That is where you attach two short pieces of 2x4 to a long piece in an “H” fashion and fasten it between the floor joists to support the new floor above. This end of the floor is located directly over the washer and dryer. It’s an awkward position to stand on a ladder and it was impossible for Mr. FixIt to get up in there, so I climbed up on the washer and dryer and fastened the new boards in with three inch wood screws. 

\n

I don’t know if you have ever held a drill at an awkward angle, over your head, and tried to hold enough pressure to keep the bit from slipping in the head of the screw, but I assure you it’s not easy. The first two screws stripped immediately. So I did what I always do…I talked to Jesus. I asked him to help me get this job done and the screws went in easily as I kept saying “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” When it got really difficult, Mr. FixIt just reached up and held the end of the drill and it worked like butter.

\n

When you face the tough things in life, you need the right tools for the job. We had the right wood screws. We had the right drill and bit and a fully charged battery. We had proper lighting and ladders. We had mutual support and trust. And we had Jesus standing in between us. We can call on Him to help us with the most mundane of tasks. My shoulders relaxed and I put all my focus and force on the task at hand and was successful. The right tools for the job…it’s what creates success. ❤️

\n
“Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”\n

Hebrews 4:16 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-18T02:30:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/18/finding-the-right-tools.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Marriage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/15/the-difference-between-with-and.html", "title": "The Difference Between “With” and “Without”", "content_html": "

\"Arid “The Difference Between With and Without”

\n

I rarely write a post about a specific scripture. I usually write something then find the scripture that best illustrates my thinking. It makes me search more. It makes me read more and study the Word more. It keeps me engaged. This post is different. I was chatting with Danielle the night I was asking her questions about her addiction and overdose. When I told her how happy I was she was getting her life together at 24, I shared my story and told her I felt robbed of nearly a decade of my life. She shared a scripture with me and I made note of it. I have meditated on it for over a week and now I’m ready to share it.

\n

I have always believed in God so therefore, I have never lived a day without Him. I will have to say though…Jesus didn’t live in MY house until 2004. By that time, I had already gone through two broken marriages. I had two beautiful daughters. And one broken mind.

\n

I didn’t realize how desolate my life had become. I just knew I was shriveling up and dying on the vine. I became broken in my second marriage and, for whatever reason, we couldn’t seem to end it. We became more and more distant and I self-medicated in order to cope. Unfortunately, I was seeing a psychiatrist who did more harm than good and I couldn’t seem to end that either.

\n

I knew what I needed. I needed Jesus. But I was married to a Jewish doctor. I took my little girl to Hebrew School every week. I organized all the Jewish celebrations in our small town. I had formally converted to Judaism. I had actually stood before a Beth Din…the Jewish tribunal court…and renounced Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior. 

\n

“Jesus would NEVER want me now.” I thought to myself.

\n

Toward the end of that marriage, I laid in bed every night and talked to God. I told him, if anything happened to my husband, I would become a Christian. I consoled myself with thoughts of singing in church…of praying…of reading my Bible. But I just couldn’t do that AND be married to the Jewish doctor. He would leave me.

\n

Little did I know he’d been thinking of leaving for at least five years before he told me. I was hurt. But I was also angry. If we could have both been brave and honest, we could have avoided the pain of the last five to seven years and gotten on with our lives. It would have had far less of an impact on my children…especially Daughter #2 who was just nine years old when I overdosed and we subsequently ended our marriage.

\n

I felt robbed. Robbed of time. Robbed of happiness. Robbed of my marriage. And robbed of the Joy of having Jesus in my life…although I couldn’t articulate it as such at the time. When Danielle quoted Joel 2:25, my jaw dropped. It spoke of Redemption. It spoke of Replenishment. It spoke of Fulfillment. And the thing that spoke most to my heart was…the end of shame.

\n

I was raised by a father who used shame as his preferred tool of control. Blame and shame were my lifelong companions, and renouncing Jesus had become the number one shame of my life. Before I even realized I needed Him, I was yearning for His unconditional love. Thankfully, I was saved and forgiven and made new. I didn’t have to wait for anything…I just needed to get out of my own way.

\n

I loved the fact that as I ministered to Danielle, she ministered to me and told me God would repay me for the years the locusts ate. And He has…oh, my goodness. He has repayed me many, many times over. Far more than I ever deserved. As the calendar turned to another year, I could feel a shift in my relationship with God. No longer a “baby Christian”, I feel I have moved from an observer AT church to BEING the church. It’s a change in perspective and feels like a new level of maturity. It’s hard to describe, but I feel it and I believe it to be real. This is one of the wonders of walking with Christ. I’ve left the arid, desolate landscape of “without” and I’m walking in the lush, verdant landscape of “with”. ❤️

\n
“I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you. \"You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you. And my people shall never again be put to shame. You shall know that I am in the midst of Israel, and that I am the Lord your God and there is none else. And my people shall never again be put to shame.”\n

Joel 2:25-27 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-15T02:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/15/the-difference-between-with-and.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/06/the-pivoting-point.html", "title": "The Pivoting Point", "content_html": "
\n\"Snow\n\n
\nWhen I woke up the morning of January 6, 2000...I had no idea I had spent the last night of my life in Hubby #2’s bed. Because, it very nearly became the ACTUAL last night of my life. In about 12 hours, I was going to be in the ER fighting for my life after an overdose. \n

This is the day that I refer to as my re-birthday. It was the day I hit rock bottom and had to start navigating my way back up. It wasn’t like I really wanted to die. I just wanted the pain to stop. Everything had become so painful.

\n

I used to tell the details of this day over and over and over to anyone who would sit still. I told about my relationship to a man who wasn’t taking care of me the way I needed. He’s not a bad man at all. Years of illness and my altered personality from all those drugs had taken their toll on both of us. I told about the psychiatrist who misdiagnosed me as having a chemical imbalance in my brain. I told about how my life experiences, including episodes of childhood sexual abuse, had created the perfect storm that produced that fateful day. 

\n

It’s nineteen years now. So close to two decades. Not quite one third of my life has passed. SO much has happened in those nineteen years, including burying my next husband. I am a sum of my experiences, as we all are. But, I am not DEFINED by those experiences anymore.

\n

The person I am today doesn’t resemble who I was back then. The only cells that are the same ones now that were present on that night at the turn of the millennium are neurons…the very cells I was trying to shut off. Everything else has been made new…both physically with the passage of time, and spiritually with my salvation. 

\n

The value of the story has changed. I no longer want you to take sides with me and hate my ex-husband. I no longer want to make excuses for my behaviors. I no longer want you to feel sorry for me. These things were all present for some time in the retelling. Now, the value of the story isn’t so much the yardstick that measures how far I’ve come, but more a testimony that…no matter how far you’ve gone down the wrong path…you can turn around and have a better life.

\n

While my abuse came from prescriptions, and Danielle’s (see my post about her earlier this week) came from street drugs and a needle, we are no different. We were both addicted and we were both saved by the same Grace. We were both snatched from the jaws of death by a loving and forgiving God. He didn’t cause our problems, but he did allow us to walk through them so we could learn and grow into the purpose He designed for our lives.

\n

It’s hard for me to believe that was me…that I was that far gone. I will tell you this, though…I will forever tell how Jesus picked me up and carried me when I stumbled and fell on January 6, 2000. ❤️

\n
“so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”\n

Isaiah 55:11 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-06T02:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/06/the-pivoting-point.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Warning","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/05/thwarting-a-spiritual-attack.html", "title": "Thwarting a Spiritual Attack", "content_html": "

\"Psalm “Man says…show me and I’ll trust you. God says…trust me and I’ll show you.” Psalm 126:6

\n

So, I was minding my own business, tucked under my blanket, happily knitting when I got a text . My dear friends Janine and Gail and I have a chat room where we visit just about every day. Janine was traveling through and was stopping at Gail’s to spend the night. I was three hours away but I wasn’t going to miss out on seeing my good friends. Impromptu road trip!

\n

I got here just after dark. Janine had her friend Diane with her and I was thrilled to meet her. Another friend, Jan, came to join us and we just had a grand time. Diane is a devout Christian and is a PR person. Jan is a retired pastor. You can imagine our entire evening was talking about our stories and how God has worked in our lives. 

\n

I was standing in the kitchen giving Diane my testimony about finding Jesus when I started feeling ill. It worsened over the hour and I headed upstairs with a bucket, just in case. Everyone had gone to bed so when I came to Janine’s door I tapped. 

\n

“Janine?”

\n

“Yes, dear.” She opened the door wide. Her smile quickly faded when she saw me. “Ginny? What’s wrong?” She came into the hall and touched my arm. 

\n

“Janine, I’m being spiritually attacked!”  I knew it as sure as I knew my own name. I was suddenly, violently ill.

\n

I spent the prior twenty-four hours pretty immersed in Jesus. I watched War Room…a powerful movie about spiritual warfare. Then I came to Gail’s and spent a whole evening talking about very powerful, spiritual things. There were five very strong women engaged in animated spiritual conversation. 

\n

Janine and Diane came into the room and laid hands on me and prayed fervently. Within a half hour, I felt much better. 

\n

If you don’t believe in such a thing as spiritual warfare, I am here to tell you it’s a very real thing. The enemy does not like when powerful, spiritual women start professing faith like we were. But his power is in whispering lies and making you believe things that are not real. We sent him packing. A whole army of angels surrounded me and kicked his butt! We can just rejoice in that for a while, ok? I believe! ❤️

\n
“Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.””\n

Matthew 16:23 NIV

\n 

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-05T02:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/05/thwarting-a-spiritual-attack.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Forgiveness","Courage","Girl Campers","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2019/01/04/snatched-from-the-jaws-of.html", "title": "Snatched From the Jaws of Death", "content_html": "

\"Young “She was snatched from the jaws of addiction and saved by the Blood of Jesus.”

\n

She’s just twenty-four. Yet she was addicted to heroin for six years. And occasionally she did meth. On April 14th, she overdosed on both and landed in the ICU for four days on life support. She wasn’t even out of the ER when she popped up on my radar. I’m in a small group at church with someone who knows Danielle very well. The text came in begging for prayers to save this beautiful girl.

\n

And pray we did. Our whole church prayed for her. Actively. Daily. There were prayer warriors stationed at the hospital. There were friends and family talking with her. They wanted to connect her with someone who could help her in this fight. And they wanted Jesus in Danielle’s corner.

\n

She resisted, as you might imagine. At first she said she’d talk to him. Then she wouldn’t. And finally, just before discharge, she relented. I’m unsure of the exact timeline, but I know it wasn’t long till this beautiful girl was saved in a parking lot with many prayers surrounding her.

\n

The change that has come over Danielle is remarkable. When you see her today, and see the light of Jesus on her, it is so hard to imagine her shooting heroin into her veins. She has attended a faith-based residential program three times. These weren’t three dropouts. This was three separate sessions. Because, as anyone who has been set free of the demon of addiction can tell you, it’s never a one and done situation. It is a life-long learning process. And she is committed.

\n

A couple of days ago, Danielle took a plane to Hawaii to attend discipleship training. When she arrived, her luggage was somewhere in Dallas. When she got to the campus to check in, she found out there had been a miscommunication and she was short on funds…four figures short on funds. She reached out to her church family and we raised the funds in about three hours. There is no way to hide God’s work in this. And it is so obvious the enemy doesn’t like it. He tried to throw a wrench in the works at every turn but our God is a mighty God. It wasn’t long till the enemy was put in his place.

\n

Last night, I watched War Room. I’ve always considered myself to be…if not a prayer warrior…then at the very least, a fervent prayer. Oh, my…that movie has me planning a War Room of my own! People like Danielle remind us of the power of prayer. I am so proud of her hard work and her willingness to keep plugging at this. I can’t wait to see what she learns in discipleship training. I cant wait to see what God has in store for her! I’m so happy God plucked her from the jaws of death because I know He has plans for her…to prosper her and not to harm her. ❤️

\n
“I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses.”\n

2 Corinthians 12:1-5 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2019-01-04T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2019/01/04/snatched-from-the-jaws-of.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/30/gwendolyns-journey-with-arthrogryposis.html", "title": "Gwendolyn’s Journey with Arthrogryposis", "content_html": "

\"Arthrogryposis\" “Baby Gwen was born with arthrogryposis…a rare congenital anomaly that causes some joints in the body to be stiff and bent in odd directions.”

\n

A few months ago, I asked you to pray for my friend’s little baby granddaughter and you all stood up and joined hands and prayed hard. Baby Gwen came into this world a beautiful little flower…but some of her petals were damaged. She has arthrogryposis…a rare congenital defect that affects multiple joints. There are typically joint contractures which may be stuck in one position. The muscles surrounding these joints may be weak, stiff, or even missing altogether. Little Gwen’s left leg was bent backwards and lay across her tummy. Her feet and hands are turned inward and her little chin is drastically receded. 

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\"Meme “Her damaged petals are what made her more beautiful than all the other flowers.” A. J. Lawless

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As Gwen has grown, some of these contractures have needed to be addressed more urgently. Because her lower jaw recedes, she cannot drink from a bottle. She eventually had a stomach tube placed to get tube feedings directly into her stomach. And, because she can’t swallow, her normal saliva can choke her to death. She has to have someone awake with her 24/7 in order to suction her airway when her secretions get in her way. Between her airway and tube feedings, physical therapy and doctor’s visits, little Gwen is more than a fulltime job. I’m telling you this though…God couldn’t have given her to a better family than the one she’s in. 

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\"Leg “Gwen has had a series of casts placed on her legs to bring them down into position for surgical repair.”

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The latest surgery was a tendectomy. This will clear the way for eventually walking. I know it’s hard to imagine her ever walking when you look at that newborn picture, but she has had a series of casts as well as the surgery and her legs are down much closer where they need to be. She is just now being able to coo and gurgle baby gibberish and it makes your heart soar when you see her in a video. Her huge, sensitive eyes look into your very soul. She is the sweetest little thing.

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\"Stomach “Baby Gwen is fed through a tube placed surgically into her stomach because she cannot swallow well enough to eat.”

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Gwen’s parents are young. Mommy had to quit her job to stay home with the baby. With all the expenses that go along with a situation like this, there is also a Go Fund Me page to help with daily expenses and challenges. I rarely share this kind of thing, asking for donations, but I know this family personally. They are a wonderful, close knit family who needs a little extra help. It’s the end of the year. If you find you need to donate a little more, or if the Spirit moves you, please consider helping this young family out. 

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\"Arthrogryposis\" “The muscles in Gwen’s arms and hands are weak and she is just now learning to ‘hold’ toys.”

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You can find Gwendolyn’s story at:

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https://www.facebook.com/GwendolynsJourney/

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You can find their Go Fund Me page at:

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https://www.gofundme.com/gwendolyn-strong

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\"Baby “I look forward to every post as I follow Gwendolyn’s Journey. This baby will never be told she can’t do something…they will just find a way.”

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“As Jesus was walking along, he saw a man who had been born blind. His followers asked him, “Teacher, whose sin caused this man to be born blind—his own sin or his parents’ sin?” Jesus answered, “It is not this man’s sin or his parents’ sin that made him blind. This man was born blind so that God’s power could be shown in him.”\n

John 9:1-3 ICB

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-30T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/30/gwendolyns-journey-with-arthrogryposis.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/27/the-story-of-the-traveling.html", "title": "The Story of the Traveling Bowling Shirt", "content_html": "

\"Bowling “The Traveling Bowling Shirt once belonged to Bill T. And…I found him!!!”

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In 1986, Hubby #2 finished his Residency in Internal Medicine and joined a practice in a small mountain town in Colorado. We were thrilled to have that long seven-year stretch behind us and were looking forward to building a life on the Western Slope of Colorado.

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We rented a five bedroom house on two acres just outside of town. With a lease option to purchase, it was the foot in the door we needed to step into home ownership eventually. We were young and happy…in that way you are when you are poor as a church mouse but are too naive to know it. We had to count our pennies in those early years and with a daughter going into seventh grade, we bought our clothes at resale shops.

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There were several really great consignment stores in our area and one of my favorites was a place called Miser’s Mercantile. I went there at least once a week or so to browse through the clothes. A lot of the women from Aspen would bring things in and you could get some great bargains. I once bought a wool coat from Nordstroms for $20! Anyway, I came across this really campy bowling shirt one day and I absolutely had to have it. I wore it a lot over jeans…tied at the waist. When my daughter got old enough to raid my closet, the shirt became hers. I really missed it when she took it with her when she left home and set out in the world. Daughter #1 has been married for twenty-three years. This shirt went with her all the way to Long Island and back to Denver and she still has it.

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Mr. FixIt has been on two bowling leagues for nearly forty years. Last week, I went to his league Christmas parties with him. On Sunday night, a bunch of us were talking about the old bowling shirts embroidered with the Sponsor’s logo on them…your name over the pocket. You don’t see them much anymore. I remembered “the shirt” and I’ve never forgotten the name…Bill T. (I’m only using the first letter of his last name to protect his identity.) Whenever the shirt was worn, we always said a kind word about “Good Ol’ Bill T”. I picked up my phone and did a quick search on Facebook…and, there he was!!! It HAD to be him…he worked in the bowling industry and he lived in Pennsylvania. 

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I sent my daughter a text and asked if she could send me pictures of the bowling shirt. Then I sent them on to Bill T with a note explaining how I came to own the shirt and was this THE Bill T. About an hour later, I received a lovely reply.

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“Hi Ginny, this was my shirt from early/mid 1980s when I bowled in the Berks County Major League at Bowl-O-Rama in Reading, Pa. Crazy that it has survived over 30 years and traveled so far. I kept it for a few years after switching teams in that league and gave the shirt to a special needs bowler when I started working in that center. I am pleased to see that the shirt has brought comfort in some way to you and your family, and glad you reached out to me with the story. Thank you and Merry Christmas to you and yours!”

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It really WAS our Bill T! I told him I felt like I’d known him forever…like he was a member of our family. I told him it was really interesting that the shirt made it all the way to Colorado. It was also interesting that he had given the shirt to someone with special needs. My brother has special needs and has participated in Special Olympics Bowling for over fifty years. AND, the daughter who now owns Bill T’s bowling shirt teaches Special Ed. AND…now I’m married to a life-long bowler and I was writing from the bowing alley!

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Was this all just coincidence? Sort of like throwing dice or casting lots? I don’t think so. I think these sorts of things are God winks. Circles of life that wind round and round. The story of a traveling bowling shirt that has touched the lives of special people, special bowlers, on both sides of the country. I love how God works….even when it’s something as simple as a story that connects people across the miles through a bit of thread, a lot of smiles, and a warm heart. ❤️

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“People throw lots to make a decision. But the answer comes from the Lord.”\n

Proverbs 16:33 ICB

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-27T02:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/27/the-story-of-the-traveling.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","Fun","Gratitude","Comfort","God","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/18/say-i-love-you-with.html", "title": "Say “I Love You” With a Little Yarn \u0026 a Lotta Love", "content_html": "

\"Knitted “Hand knitted dishcloth with the ASL sign for “I Love You” in the pattern.”

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 Yesterday’s post had me thinking about quick, last minute gifts for the holidays. I was in town Sunday afternoon so I stopped at Walmart and picked up some cotton yarn. Those cute patterns for dishcloths had me thinking I’d like to whip up some. 

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Mr. FixIt had to go to town yesterday to help a friend build something and do a little Christmas shopping. I elected to stay home. I asked Alexa to play “Soft Christmas Music”, turned up the stove in the family room, grabbed a cup of coffee, and curled up by the tree. I pulled up the fox fur blanket that I had made from the coat Mr. Virgo gave me years ago. And I set to knitting. 

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In the comments on yesterday’s post, my friend Jamie told me someone made her a dishcloth with the ASL symbol for “I Love You” knitted into it. I asked for the pattern and her friend sent the link. I still have the remnants of grief brain so I had to really concentrate on the pattern. I had to take out a row every now and then when I couldn’t remember where I was in the pattern. But before too long, I had one finished! I’ve started a second dishcloth from one of the pattern in the link I included yesterday.

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The other day, Daughter #2 called and said she missed my cooking. I asked her what dish she loved the most. Turkey Tetrawhatzit…my version of Turkey Tetrazzini. So, before Mr. FixIt got home, I put some of the frozen turkey from Thanksgiving in a pot with a little water and simmered it till I could shred the meat with a fork. In an electric skillet, I sautéed half an onion, some sliced mushrooms and celery in a little butter. I added a drained can of mixed veggies. When the turkey was shredded, I tossed it in the skillet with about a pint of the drippings from the pan I roasted the turkey in. While that simmered, I cooked some egg noodles. I mixed up some flour in some of the broth and thickened the turkey mixture, stirred in a cup of sour cream, and brought it just to a simmer then added the drained cooked noodles. Topped with a little shredded Parmesan and…voila! Turkey Tetrawhatzit! Comfort food at it’s best…and it made me think of my daughter. Mr. FixIt said…”Send her a picture!” I did…then called her so she could “join us for dinner!”

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It was a lovely day…peaceful, comforting, homey, warm with a big dash of “I Love You!” ❤️

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“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”\n

Psalms 23:6 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-18T02:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/18/say-i-love-you-with.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Humbled","Art"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/12/17/forgiveness-equals-freedom.html", "title": "Forgiveness Equals Freedom", "content_html": "

\"Meme\" “Forgiveness=Freedom”

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I’m not sure what I expected when I became a Christian in 2004. Lightning? The parting of the sea? Enlightenment? Thunder? I do know what I received was life altering. I received a healing to my very core. I felt like every cell in my body had been made new. It was remarkable. 

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When I was a baby Christian, I was like a sponge. I knew God, and loved Him. I knew Jesus, and finally embraced Him. But, when it came to the Holy Spirit, I was clueless. I had no idea exactly who He was, how He worked, what His function was. As the years have gone by, I’ve learned more and more and have developed my relationship with the Holy Trinity. And once in a while I get a big A-Ha moment that shines a light on some aspect I didn’t understand before.

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I’ve long known and understood when the Holy Spirit talks to me. Those “nudges” that move and steer me in a certain direction are an indication of His presence. When I worship or hear a particularly moving sermon or scripture and I get goose bumps…that’s the Holy Spirit. All those years when I felt a knock on the door of my heart to let Jesus into my life? That was the Holy Spirit. I get all that now. And sometimes when I call out to Him and get the answer in moments, it reiterates just how close the Holy Spirit is….He lives inside us. He is that aspect of God that touches our hearts and minds with an intimacy only God can provide. I had that experience this weekend.

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We had lunch with some of the local residents who live near the farm. Over lunch, my elderly aunt became a topic of discussion and I recounted how difficult that time had been. Then at church yesterday, Pastor Justin spoke on forgiveness. True forgiveness breaks the chains that are holding you prisoner. I thought back to my conversation of the day before and realized, I still had a spirit of unforgiveness as I was holding some resentment and hurt in my heart over some of the things my aunt said and did while I was trying to help her. In retrospect, I was quite filled with “You have no idea what she put me through!” That resentment, however small, is the poison I keep drinking yet she is totally unharmed.

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At the end of services, Pastor Justin did an alter call and asked those to come forward who wished to let go of resentments and hurts and embrace a spirit of forgiveness. He came to each of us and laid his hands on our heads and prayed over us. I left feeling completely changed…yet again.

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Do you have someone you are harboring a spirit of unforgiveness for? Is there someone who has hurt you that has left you saying, “I’ll show you!”? If so, this is a beautiful time to just let it go. Pray for those who have hurt you. Seek ways to praise them in public for the blessings they have given you…even if that blessing is the insight you gained from their unkindness. And, this is the season of giving. Send them a card. Stick a $5 gift card for coffee or to a restaurant. Tell them, “You know, I just wanted to let you know what a blessing you have been this year.” Or “I know you’ve gone through a rough patch and I just wanted to reach out and tell you I’m thinking of you.” Forgiveness goes a long way toward uniting us. I’m not saying send a gift card to your abuser. Or even reaching out for conversation with someone who physically or emotionally abused you. But you can still pray for them. The spirit of forgiveness in you just might bring you a new level of peace and healing of your own. ❤️

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“bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”\n

Colossians 3:13 ESV

\n", "date_published": "2018-12-17T02:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/12/17/forgiveness-equals-freedom.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/26/a-voice-from-the-darkness.html", "title": "A Voice From the Darkness", "content_html": "

\"Depression\" “Depression keeps you isolated from those who might help you.”

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In between cooking and visiting with my family at our Thanksgiving dinner Saturday, I checked my Twitter account. Someone was asking a question about assisted suicide. I have a contact on Twitter whose husband elected assisted death when his Stage 4 colon cancer became untreatable. In order to connect the two, i had to pop out of his tweet to find her profile. But when I tried to find the original tweet with the question, I couldn’t find it. Rather than take the time to scroll through, I typed “assisted suicide” in the search bar.

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Apparently, there was a program on about it on TV because it was a trending topic of conversation. I started scrolling down through till I came upon a cry for help that alarmed me. Someone with no followers tweeted “How can I find someone to assist with my suicide?” I clicked on the profile and scrolled down reading tweet after tweet over the past day saying things like “I want to die.” I couldn’t get it out of my mind but I fell asleep before I could find it again.

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Today after church, I went on the hunt for this person and clicked follow. Then I tweeted, “Are you ok?” Finally I got a response. “I’m still alive but I don’t want to be.” I went on to explain how I understood this. I went through a terrible depression and overdosed nearly 19 years ago. I asked how I could help. The response was, “How can you help? I’m on medicine but it’s not working.” I asked, “Do you have someone to talk to?” The answer, “Not really.” I explained that if the medicine wasn’t working, a counselor or therapist could help as well as the physician who prescribed it. 

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Before I could hear back, I did two things. I Googled “What do you do if someone on Twitter threatens suicide?” I received a link to the help section of Twitter with a form to report an account if you suspect someone is talking about harming themselves. I filled out the form, hoping and praying that someone other than only me would reach out and this person could get help. After the form was submitted, there was a list of resources in multiple countries for suicide hotlines. I took screenshots and tweeted them to the person. I tweeted, “I hope you believe me when I say you matter. There is only one you. God puts us here for a purpose. Don’t leave before you find out what that is. There is always, always hope. I care.” The response was, “Thank you very much.”

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I haven’t heard anything else. I haven’t seen any more tweets but I will keep my eye out and watch the profile. This is a difficult time of year for some people. Not everyone has love and light and abundant happiness over the holidays. I don’t know this person’s circumstances. I don’t know gender, age, location. I know nothing except this is a hurting soul and I will do what I can to help and give some hope. Please pray for this person that he/she/they find the help needed. ❤️

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“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”   John 10:10 NIV\n
\nNational Suicide Prevention Lifeline '1-800-273-TALK (8255)'\n", "date_published": "2018-11-26T02:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/26/a-voice-from-the-darkness.html", "tags": ["Health","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","God","Fear","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/21/is-empathy-gone-for-good.html", "title": "Is Empathy Gone for Good?", "content_html": "

\"Weeping “ER Doctor Weeps After Losing 19-year-old Fire Victim”

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We have a problem. Ok, we have LOTS of problems, but one of the biggest is a cultural shift away from empathy and respect for human life. I have long held that violence on TV and in movies, as well as video games, has been breeding the art of human kindness right out of the hearts and minds of mankind. And I don’t see it getting any better anytime soon if things stay on the current course.

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This photo shows an ER physician in California taking a moment to regain his composure after losing a 19-year old girl. I was married to a doctor. Showing emotion in your interaction with patients is considered highly unprofessional so it’s trained right out of them. It touches my heart to see this image because I understand him. 

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The other day, I was browsing through my Facebook feed when I saw a video of Barack Obama surprising his wife at one of her book signings. Politics aside, it brought me to tears. Not the act itself, although it was quite special to see a man love his wife so openly. No, what made me cry was the comparison of civility we enjoyed two years ago as compared to what we experience today. I was just “waking up” after three years of foggy grief brain and what I experienced personally was heart wrenching. (I’m not going to step into a political dogfight here…just expressing dismay at so much derision in the world.) I had a flash of what an oppressed people might feel when they no longer enjoy the feelings of safety and freedom they experienced before. It was simultaneously frightening and sad. 

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You cannot raise a generation of human beings on autopilot, plugging them into electronics, filling their eyes and minds with graphic violence and expect them to come out a well-adjusted, empathetic society. You can’t give them more and more realistic depictions of murder and mayhem with rewards for killing the most and expect healthy minds as a result. Combine this issue with easily accessible drugs and weapons and you have a recipe for the disaster we find ourselves in currently. 

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Do all people who watch graphic programming and play violent video games become mass killers? Of course not. But it does cause a deterioration of the moral fabric in this country. I know this problem didn’t start with this President. I’m not saying he is to blame. That would be naive and doesn’t look at the whole picture. 

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What we have in this country is heart disease. I’m not talking cardiac. It doesn’t come from a single source, either. It’s a multifaceted issue stemming from a systematic numbing of the mind. It’s complicated. God. Discipline. Respect. Honor. Work ethic. Inequality. Imbalance of power. Lack of checks and balances. Broken homes. Latch key kids. Low teacher pay. Family values. 

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I long for people to love each other the way Jesus loves us. And, as long as we hide Him in a closet, it’s never going to happen. So, I do my part as best I can. I shine His light out into the world every day. I pray He expands my territory so that I can shine that light even further. 

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I pray for this broken world and its broken people. And I look for the helpers. For the ground breakers. The outreachers. The radical lovers. The peace warriors. The light shiners. And the tearful physicians who aren’t afraid to show their emotions. There is always and forever hope for a brighter tomorrow. ❤️

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“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  \n

Ephesians 4:29-32 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2018-11-21T02:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/21/is-empathy-gone-for-good.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Grace","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Warning","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/19/loving-what-is.html", "title": "Loving What Is", "content_html": "

\"Woman “Snapchat filters make me see the beautiful woman inside. The mirror makes me see the beautiful Child of God that I am on the outside!”

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I love my grandkids. I don’t get to see them and interact with them enough. Big is 14. Little is 11. Both are at the age where their interests lie elsewhere. Still, Little and I engage in bouts of “Let’s top each other in Snapchat.” She always wins. She does the cute and funky filters that twist your face up or adds bunny ears and whiskers. I go for glamour shots that take away my wrinkles and gives me the face of a super model. Vain? Not really. More like seeing the woman I feel like.

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I’m sixty-five. Even in my primest of prime years, I was never super model material, but I could turn a head or two. I still can, if truth be told. Just ask my new, still-smitten husband. He thinks I’m the most beautiful woman on the planet! And, when I bask in his love-light, I feel even MORE beautiful. Isn’t that lovely?

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When I look in the mirror and I see the wrinkles, the graying hair, the sagging skin, the cellulite I realize I am not looking at myself correctly. I am listening to the enemy whisper…”You’ll never be enough.” Instead…I change my focus. And you know how I do that? I listen to Jesus.

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Here’s what Jesus tells me.

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“You are altogether beautiful, my darling: there is no flaw in you.” (Sol. 4:7)

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“You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD’S hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God.” (Is. 62:3)

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“Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.” (Ps. 34:5)

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“For we are God’s masterpiece…” (Eph. 2:10)

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“…Created to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Eph. 2:10)

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“Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!” (Lu. 1:45)

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“God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.” (Ps. 46:5)

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“She is worth far more than rubies.” (Prov.31:10)

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“But by the grace of God I am what I am.” (1 Cor. 15:10)

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“See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands…” (Is. 49:16)

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This is your time. God is within you. You are inscribed on His hands. Did you hear that?  On his HANDS! He will fulfill his promises to you. You do your part…believe. Leave the rest up to God. Do you seriously believe the Almighty who created the stars in the sky does not count the hairs on your head? You are precious in His sight. Really.

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Now, go out there and hold your head up high on this Monday morning. Smile at that person in the mirror. Need I remind you that you are a beautiful, perfectly imperfect image of God? You are loved. You are cherished. You are coveted. You are protected. You are awesome. There is ONLY ONE YOU. 

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I know. You may not be feeling it. You may be going through some pretty tough times right now. You may feel discouraged. You may be facing a crisis. You may be battling demons. You may be in the dark throes of grief. God has put it on my heart there is someone out there I need to tell this to so listen carefully. This is not the end of your road. He has a purpose for you that you haven’t even imagined yet. Don’t quit. You cannot fail as long as you do not quit. That miracle might just happen in the next five minutes, so stick with us here. Reach for Jesus’ hand. He will never, ever turn his back on you. He will never leave you. He will never cut you down or say mean, hurtful things to you. He will never make you feel small. He will never make you feel “less than”. He will meet you right where you are and love the stuffin’s out of you. Trust me on this.

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You are a child of God. ❤️

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“...And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-11-19T02:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/19/loving-what-is.html", "tags": ["Faith","Health","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Humbled","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/17/grief-is-a-crucible.html", "title": "Grief is a Crucible", "content_html": "

\"Refinery\" “Grief is a crucible…you come out entirely changed by the process.”

\n

I was interviewed yesterday for an article for a major financial company. The topic was whether widows find navigating finances difficult in grief. I asked her how long she had to discuss this and suggested she put on a pot of tea. For me, dealing with finances was one of the most difficult aspects of my grief process aside from the fact my husband died. I was terribly unprepared and totally unknowledgeable. 

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I’m the first to admit I was a spoiled princess. Money was always the source of arguments in my house growing up so that carried over into my marriages. Being the wife of a doctor, money wasn’t really tight. I had a checking account that wasn’t really monitored. What I thought was just “not worrying” turned out to be “highly irresponsible.” Mr. Virgo and I had separate accounts and we both had good jobs. I just didn’t worry about it. I’d ask his opinion. I had a financial advisor but he wasn’t necessarily overly involved. I just left my IRA with him and hoped for the best.

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Mr. Virgo often commented that I should find a different advisor because he didn’t think the guy was doing much for me. But, since it was my money from my divorce, he left it to me to make my own decisions. Money talk makes me highly uncomfortable so I decided the devil you know is better than the one you don’t. It was easier to just stay where I was. An ostrich with my head in the sand. 

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Then the unthinkable happened. You are never prepared entirely. I sure could have been more knowledgeable though. A friend suggested a Christian financial advisor. After meeting with her, I moved my IRA over and started learning about being a responsible steward for the gifts God gave me. This is what the journalist and I discussed during the interview. 

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We talked about some of the difficult decisions I had to make. Selling the house was major. Getting rid of 95% of my personal belongings and downsizing from a three bedroom house into a thirty foot camper was a challenge. Traveling across the country and trying to help my elderly aunt was difficult. Whenever I am interviewed about the early period of grief, it really strikes me how much territory I have covered since Mr. Virgo died. 

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The first thing I did when I hung up the phone was text my girlfriends and remind them to have that difficult conversation about end of life decisions. Know where everything is. Have a notebook with all the accounts and passwords. If you go over to my website, there is a link there where you can purchase an excellent book called The LastingMatters Organizer by my friend, Barb Sedoric. I wish I would have had something like this before I so unexpectedly became a widow.

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Do you know what a crucible is? When you have raw ore, you place it in a crucible and heat it up to ultra high temperatures. This burns off the impurities and leaves you with something stronger, better, precious. Grief is a crucible that turned my gritty “sand” into colorful glass that reflects the light in a million different directions. It’s not till I’m forced to turn around and look that I can see how far I’ve come. ❤️

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“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”  Isaiah 43:2 NIV
\n \n", "date_published": "2018-11-17T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/17/grief-is-a-crucible.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Courage","Downsizing","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/15/the-art-of-giving.html", "title": "The Art of Giving", "content_html": "

\"Shopping\" “Shopping for warm blankets with my small group.”

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I love this time of year. However, the first Christmas after Mr. Virgo died, I was so incredibly lost. I went to Denver to be with my family because I couldn’t bear to be alone. I think that’s pretty common among those who have lost a spouse.

\n

The holidays were so special to my late husband. He lived for Christmas especially. He planned all year. He paid attention to what I needed or wanted and he was incredibly generous with gifts…too much so, really. But it gave him such joy to see the look on my face when I opened something from him. He just wanted to keep seeing that look.

\n

That first lonely Christmas, one of the layers of the onion peeled back and revealed my days of receiving his well thought out gifts were over and it was just another beautiful thing torn from my life. I was bereft. I wanted something special from him, and since that was impossible, I decided to do something special for me. 

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I was driving down a busy Denver street the week before Christmas when I felt the gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit.

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“There…go there.” 

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I looked to the right and it was Walmart. I dutifully turned in and parked. As I was walking in, I heard….

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“Pay it forward.”

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I went to the layaway desk and inquired how I could pay off someone’s layaway. Unfortunately, they had called in the layaways the week before so whatever hadn’t been paid for was returned to the shelves. Not to be deterred, I went to the ATM, withdrew some money, bought a card, and sat down to write a note in it. I told the recipient about this gentle man who loved Christmas and the joy of giving. I told whoever was going to receive this that I was giving them what he would have given me. Then I sat down on the bench at the front of the store and waited for the next instructions.

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“Go back there. To the left…you’ll find them there.”

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I headed for the back left and found the toy department. I wandered around and saw several shoppers but none stood out. I went around the corner of an aisle and there they were. A young mom and dad. They pulled a toy from the shelf, looking hopeful. Then they looked for the price, looked at each other, looked defeated, and put it back. They did this several times as they moved slowly down the aisle. There was very little in their cart.

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I roamed back and forth, acting like I was very interested in something, but all the while trying to listen without being too obvious. What I wanted was for the woman to wander away from her bag for a moment so I could slip the envelope in and be on my way with the young couple none the wiser. She was a smart girl…she never left her bag for a moment. Finally, I decided I just had to move forward or I was going to look like a crazy stalker.

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I walked up to the woman and said, “Here. I think this is yours.” I handed her the envelope with the bills stuffed inside. She was puzzled. She looked up from the envelope and our eyes met. I smiled warmly, pulled her to me in a mom hug, and whispered, “Merry Christmas.” Then, before she could let it register, I turned on my heel and walked away straight out of the store, without looking back.

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I got to the car and my knees were shaking. I would have loved to have seen her face. But then she would have wanted to thank me or maybe even refuse the gift. Neither of which I wanted. I put the car in gear and headed to meet my family knowing I had shared something special with someone who needed it. I remember when I was a poor, single mom…trying to do the best for my own little one with very, very little resources. It felt good to give.

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The church I attend is huge, so in order to have that sense of a “church family”, we have small groups that meet for several weeks per session. The group I belong to has such amazing, strong Christian women. We are in a chat group and we offer prayers and support to each other as we share and learn and grow in the Lord. 

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This year, our Pastor challenged the groups to find a service project and complete it by the end of the session. We couldn’t decide on just one so we supported two. The Women’s Care Center and the Mission for the homeless. Last night we met at a discount store in town and loaded three shopping carts full to overflowing. We bought children’s clothes, long john’s, hats, and 20 blankets and wheeled our purchases to the foyer. There, we stood around the carts and placed our hands on the bounty and prayed…out loud, in the store, in front of God and everybody. We asked for God to bless these items that they would doubly warm the recipients. We asked that they feel God’s love for them when they wrap themselves in the blankets. Then we headed for the mission.

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\"Bags “The bounty!”

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When we came in, laden with bag after bag of stuff, the man behind the desk said, “What have we here?”

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“Blankets! From The Warehouse Church!!!” We said, in unison.

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“Oh, my gosh…that’s exactly what we needed. I ran out of blankets this evening!”

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I smiled. I kinda felt Mr. Virgo grinning…poking me in the ribs.

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“See, babydoll! That’s what I’m talkin’ about. It’s better to give than to receive. Giving is an art form.”

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Yes…I do love this time of year. ❤️

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“Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: “They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.””  2 Corinthians 9:7-9 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-11-15T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/15/the-art-of-giving.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/13/pennies-from-heaven.html", "title": "Pennies from Heaven", "content_html": "

\"Penny\" “Found pennies…is it God reminding us to trust him?”

\n

How many of you seem to find an inordinate number of coins since your person died? Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve found coins…sometimes every day…sometimes several times a day. You’ve all heard “See a penny, pick it up. All the day you’ll have good luck!” When you marry in England, you wear “something borrowed, something blue, a lucky sixpence in your shoe.” 

\n

Mr. FixIt and I found a penny one time that had the shape of a cross cut out of it. That was quite the find! Since Mr. Virgo died, I’ve found more and more coins. I’ve been told they are “angel pennies”…placed in your path to let you know your loved one is thinking of you. I don’t know if that is the case, but it’s a sweet sentiment.

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When I pick up any coin, I turn it heads up and read what is stamped along the edge. “In God We Trust”. I read this and smile. It’s like God is sending me a little reminder…”Trust in me. Stop worrying about whatever is rumbling around in that brain of yours and place your trust where it belongs.” I put the angel pennies I find in special places…my night stand, the dash in my truck, the pocket of my coat or jeans. These found coins continue to remind me as I come and go to remember who’s got my back. Who loves me more than all others. Who has saved me.

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My guess is…you will never look at a penny the same again. And you just might find yourself seeing more and more of them. ❤️

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“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.”  Matthew 10:29 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-11-13T02:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/13/pennies-from-heaven.html", "tags": ["Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/11/09/remaining-hopeful-in-a-hopeless.html", "title": "Remaining Hopeful in a Hopeless World", "content_html": "

\"News “When the news is on fire, how do you stay hopeful?”

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We awoke yesterday to the news of yet another mass shooting. We are only three days out from another season of hateful politics. Glaciers are melting and species are disappearing. Computers can generate images that are easily passed off as truth. China just released the first AI news anchor. There will come a time when we won’t be able to tell what’s real and what isn’t. There’s so much death and destruction, murder and mayhem, and just pure evil in this world. How do you remain hopeful in a world like this?

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I was reading some comments yesterday on a news post. One after another, people expressed hopelessness. I just read that a college student was supposed to go to the place in Thousand Oaks but she had homework. As a child, she went to a school in Colorado where a gunman broke in, took hostages, and eventually killed a girl then himself. She asked her mother why death followed her so much. There were people at the dance hall who had been at the concert in Vegas that was attacked. How on earth do you remain hopeful in circumstances like this?

\n

Compound all this with grief and it is SO easy to become hopeless. To succumb to sadness and depression. I mean, here I am…the perennial cheerleader…the veritable Pollyanna, as Mr. Virgo called me. I’m weary of all this negativity. It’s beyond negative. It’s evil. 

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I can’t just stick my head in the sand. I can’t stick my fingers in my ears and yell “LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” I can’t cover my eyes and pretend I don’t see what’s going on. That isn’t productive. It isn’t healthy. And it’s not realistic. Granted, I don’t watch TV so one might say I am practicing avoidance. I say I’m being selective. I choose my media outlet based on who I feel gives the most fair and unbiased news reporting. I cross check sources and references. I Google things I am skeptical about. I practice critical thinking. En masse. It’s tedious. It’s time consuming. But it’s the only way I can keep my senses from being barraged and eventually overwhelmed. 

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I look at the world through the lens of my faith. I am a Christian. And I am a Liberal Democrat. I have not looked up the statistics, but I am sure I am in the minority…looked at distrustfully by both sides. And therein lies the problem. Sides. Division. US against THEM. Divisiveness is encouraged. Chaos is a smokescreen. The enemy is very, very busy now.

\n

When I find myself feeling mired down by all the hatred in the world, I remind myself…I’ve read the Book. I know how this story ends. The light prevails over darkness. Faith, hope, and love. God tells us love is everything. It is behind every commandment. We are to love God with every ounce of strength we have. And, we are to love our fellow man as we love ourselves. 

\n

The enemy whispers doubts and delusions. Yes. There are evil things happening. Yes, there is darkness all around. But, I can put light out there. I can find ways to bring God’s light into the world. I can carry the love of Jesus in my heart and let Him shine through my thoughts and actions. And if I can do that, others can do that. The enemy wants me to believe I am the only one trying to make the world a better place. He says things like, “Why are you even bothering?” He is whispering lies meant to break me, to discourage me. But I won’t be discouraged. I’ll WALK STRONG as long as there is a breath in me. I will always look up. I will seek God’s face. I will ask for his comfort and guidance. I will pray for discernment to show me what is true and what is not. But most of all, I will trust Him. Because of His promises to me. He has never, EVER failed me. And that, my friends, is how I remain hopeful in this fallen world. ❤️

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“If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.”  Proverbs 25:21-22 NIV
\n", "date_published": "2018-11-09T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/11/09/remaining-hopeful-in-a-hopeless.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/24/stress-tired-attitude.html", "title": "Stress + Tired = Attitude", "content_html": "

\"Speak “The tongue can wreak havoc in any relationship.”

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What do you get when you mix two tired people working hard to meet a deadline? Well, sometimes you get a snarky remark and an even snarkier comeback. Neither of which are constructive or useful. How many times have I written that the tongue can wreak havoc in a relationship? Yet, there I was…Queen of the Snarky Retort. 

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I knew right away I didn’t speak life into the situation. And I immediately went to Mr. FixIt and apologized. Sincerely. 

\n

While this has been a wonderful time with the wedding and all, it’s also been stressful trying to get everything done and we are both desperately looking forward to our time away. 

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It’s perfectly normal to have moments of frustration when you’re living in close proximity with another human. How you deal with differences says a lot in how successful your relationship will be. Admitting your weaknesses, asking forgiveness, and praying for guidance goes a long way toward maintaining harmony in the home. If you fight, you need to fight fair. 

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Mr. FixIt is an extremely easygoing man. He has been understanding when I write every night. He’s a TV watcher. I am a writer. We do our own thing after dinner and reconnect later. That being said, we are about to embark on our honeymoon. And as much as I love you all, and as much as writing is the same as breathing for me, I’ve decided y’all are just going to have to sit this one out. I’m going to schedule a scripture to post everyday while we are gone so you have something to ponder. Please feel free to talk amongst yourselves here on my blog. I love when you all interact and support one another. 

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I’ll be back on Election Day! ❤️

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“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,”  Ephesians 4:26 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-24T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/24/stress-tired-attitude.html", "tags": ["Health","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Anger","Forgiveness","Humbled","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/22/be-a-way-maker.html", "title": "Be a Way Maker", "content_html": "

\"Turquoise “These boots are made to make a way.”

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My new husband and I laughed when the name of yesterday’s sermon flashed on the large screen behind Pastor Justin. “The Honeymoon is Over!” Our knowing glance at each other said, “Oh, if he only knew!” 

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The pastor’s message was actually quite timely. The Warehouse Church was founded a little over three years ago with just 127 people. Here we are now with around 1500 people who attend regularly. The numbers fluctuate continually as some people leave and others come. 

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It’s just like any relationship. Those things that attracted you and caused great excitement early on eventually become irritating thorns in your side. You become critical of the very thing that brought you joy in the first place. The same can happen in a church. If you go to church to occupy a seat and be spoon fed a message, you are missing the message entirely. If you are there for the entertainment factor, you are missing a wonderful opportunity to be more Christ-like. 

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Jesus didn’t walk around pounding his message into people. He was there to make a way for others to reach God and experience salvation. He didn’t gather holy men around him to sing His praises. He gathered the misfits and misunderstood around him and challenged them to go out into the world and reach more, and more, and more. 

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I left the church at the ripe old age of seven because of a Bible-thumping preacher who screamed and jumped up and down trying to scare me into finding Jesus by promising Hell and eternal damnation. I actually came to be saved through a loving couple who made a way for me to walk in a relationship with Jesus. I was lured with love, not fear. 

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I want to be a Way Maker. I want to be that friend that invites you to find the same joy I have found in my salvation. I want to walk along side you so that some day you to might have this same relationship with a God who loves you and only wants to draw you near Him. Then, you may, come in, be saved, learn to serve, and go out and invite, and offer a hand, and invite someone in who might be saved and learn to serve, and who will go out and invite and offer a hand and…. 

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You get the picture? It’s love that changes lives. Not force-feeding and fear. Our church accepts you no matter where you are on your path. We don’t care what you look like, who you are, how you smell, what you are doing, how you are living, or where you’ve been. 

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You may feel there is no way for you. But God makes a way when there is no way. And He uses us to be His hands and feet on the ground. I’m here and I’m willing. These boots were made for walkin’ and I’ve got miles to go and people to meet. ❤️

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“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”  Isaiah 43:19 NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2018-10-22T01:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/22/be-a-way-maker.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","Grace","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/21/live-a-good-life.html", "title": "Live a Good Life", "content_html": "

\"Autumn “Live a Good Life”

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When we were decorating the tent for the wedding, I went around the house, the buildings, and the farm looking for decor I could use. There was so much more I could have put out there, but frankly, I realized we were just going to have to haul it all back into the house afterwards. I decided to just keep it simple. 

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I was standing in the kitchen giving some last minute directions to my wonderful friend, Charlotte, when I looked up above the kitchen sink and saw this sign. I took it down and handed it to Mr. FixIt and said, “This goes out by the front of the tent to greet our guests!” It’s our daily reminder to “Live a Good Life.”

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This has been the busiest, jam packed week we have had since we started dating. So much has happened, I’ve really just started processing it all. Aside from the changes that come with marriage, and the death of a dear family member, something else has been rattling around in my head wanting attention.

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It wasn’t so much what WAS there. It was more…what WASN’T there. Namely, that dogged undercurrent of grief that has simmered just beneath the surface of my life for the last 2,049 days. I know grief is not something you “get over”. I know it’s something you “get through”. It is something you learn to walk around without falling into that giant hole in your heart. It is something you learn to deal with in time. I honestly had no idea it would change with the commitment of another marriage. 

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It seems the act of marrying has caused a…shift in the force, so to speak. Maybe it’s the high of the wedding itself, but I don’t think so. Maybe it’s a gift from God for being obedient. Maybe it’s a natural progression of things when significant life changes occur. Maybe it’s just the Evolution of Grief. 

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When there are significant milestones in life, like your child’s wedding, or the birth of a grandchild, and your person isn’t there, it causes their death to come front and center. You think about how much he would have loved to see that. How much your son or daughter misses their dad. How your grandchild will never know that grandparent. It reminds you of an emptiness. 

\n

That was totally missing last weekend.

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Oh, I thought of Mr. Virgo that day. Of course I did. I even had a quiet moment before the wedding when I silently thanked him for having been in my life. However, I wouldn’t have been getting married that day if he were still alive. And, I love Mr. FixIt SO much. I can’t imagine my life without him. It wasn’t like I had to say to myself, “Don’t think of Mr. Virgo!” He just…wasn’t there.

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That kind of surprised me, actually. Because, like I said, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. It’s never occurred to me to ask other widows who have remarried how it affected their grief. So, like I’ve done from the beginning, I feel what I feel and I write about it. The feeling has persisted all week. Mr. Virgo is still here, but he’s standing much further away. Because…just as I stepped out the door to walk across the field and marry my sweet Mr. FixIt, I looked up and told Mr. Virgo…”Don’t worry about me now. I’ve got this!” ❤️

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“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-21T01:30:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/21/live-a-good-life.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/19/a-beautiful-day.html", "title": "A Beautiful Day", "content_html": "

\"Wind “On our way home yesterday, I caught a glimpse of the wind turbines atop a ridge near Elkins. It was an incredibly beautiful day.”

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The last two days were perfectly beautiful in the mountains of West Virginia. We left home around 11:00am Wednesday and got to our motel room an hour before the viewing. We hadn’t eaten since early so we went looking for something to eat after the viewing. You have three choices in the little, tiny town of Petersburg…Subway, Pizza Hut, and McDonald’s. We drove fifteen miles to Moorefield, hoping for a restaurant but found nothing we were willing to try. We we ended up buying some sandwich fixings at Food Lion and had a picnic back at the room. 

\n

There was no cell service and no WiFi at the motel which was fine by me. I wrote and scheduled Wednesday’s and Thursday’s posts Tuesday night in anticipation of being off the grid. It was really chilly when we got back to the room so I took a hot bath, bundled up, and got under the blankets and caught up with a week’s worth of devotionals. There were four channels on the TV so we turned it off and fell sound asleep by 9:30! Unheard of for us. 

\n

The funeral was yesterday at 11:00am. It was a very nice service. They played some songs…Elvis singing Amazing Grace…One Day at a Time. And one other I’ll share with you here. 

\n

Theirs was a love story, through and through. My uncle told me the first time he set eyes on my aunt, he was smitten. There was a lot going on in 1956. My Uncle Sonny was killed in a plane crash in 1955. Not long after, my Aunt Rosie got married. So, Uncle Dudley and Aunt Viv decided to elope to Oakland, Maryland and get married…in the same place my grandma and grandpa eloped to. Well, when they came home and told everyone…let’s just say, grandma wasn’t very happy about it. She loved Aunt Viv. She just wanted a wedding. 

\n

That was the start of 62 years of devotion. I remember their love as being full of fun and laughter and playfulness. I sat behind him at the funeral and when they played this song, he bowed his head. His shoulders shook slightly from his silent tears. The only other time I remember him crying was when I called to tell him Mr. Virgo died. It broke my heart. 

\n

As they played “Love, Me” by Colin Raye, I listened to the lyrics and realized the song was about their love. And I cried along with him. For broken hearts. For lost loves. 

\n

The funeral procession wound its way through the hills and countryside till the terrain opened into an expansive valley. We turned left and climbed the hill to the tent that was erected over her grave. My uncle had just purchased these plots last week. They had decided over the years they really didn’t like the cemetery where they had purchased plots years ago but they just hadn’t gotten around to getting the new ones. Oh, my! The view was absolutely stunning. My aunt rests high on a hillside overlooking magnificent farmland. Black angus cattle dot the landscape in the verdant green fields. The hardwoods of the forests surrounding the valley were just beginning to hint of the glorious burst of color coming in the next two weeks. 

\n

Afterwards, we gathered at the fellowship hall at the church and had one of those wonderful meals country church women fix after a funeral. Hearty, comfort food and lots of love flowed around those tables and we left reminded we are family. Our bonds run as deep as the cool springs in these Appalachian hills. The blood of our shared ancestors keep us connected far beyond the pages of Facebook. We promised to keep in touch with those we seldom see. We promised to bring something special to this year’s Thanksgiving dinner. 

\n

Mr. FixIt and I drove quietly through the hills, holding hands…our minds no doubt remembering we aren’t newlyweds at 25 and 26. We are newlyweds at 65 and 66. Our time together won’t be 62 years…but what time we DO have will be filled with fun and laughter and playfulness…just like my aunt and uncle’s marriage. I’m grateful for their example. I’m grateful for the opportunity to love like them. I’m just grateful for every day.

\n

youtu.be/arzlGTw8v…

\n

❤️

\n

“Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.”

\n

2 Timothy 2:15 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-19T01:30:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/19/a-beautiful-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/17/here-comes-the-bride.html", "title": "Here Comes the Bride", "content_html": "

\"Bride\" “One of my favorite moments…locking eyes with a fellow widow whom I mentored…knowing we BOTH have found our second-chance loves.”

\n

It all went so fast. Here we are, just a few days after the wedding and I don’t remember all the details. That happens to every bride, I think. You throw so much into the planning, and so many last minute details happen the day of the wedding. Friends and family came at 2:00 to help me get ready. The ceremony was at 4:00. The girls were still messing with my hair when I asked the time. 3:20! I still hadn’t put on make up or dressed!

\n

I don’t wear a lot of make up ordinarily…and when I do, it’s not much. Throwing that on was no big deal. I slipped on my boots and my new daughter and granddaughter helped me into my dress. In no time at all, I was ready. The music wasn’t. I told them I didn’t care…I’d walk out singing “Here Comes the Bride” if I had to…I was ready….REALLY ready!

\n

They helped me out to the tent…one carrying my train…the other hoping for the music to start. And, it did! Just as I got to the tent, I looked up and there was my sweet friend, Deneene. She was one of what looked like a whole sea of smiles and cell phones pointed at me. I looked at her with a knowing smile. You see, Deneene was referred to me when she was a relatively new widow herself. I was a couple of years ahead of her. I mentored her for the next couple of years. I was for her what I wished I’d had. Someone who had recently walked the path and could relate. Someone who could say this is perfectly normal. Someone to hold out a hand…not to pat it, but to offer a lift up. Then, Deneene met HER new love. And we walked this new territory together. She caught that knowing look in this picture. I think it is one of my favorites. Because I’m looking at another widow in love. I’m looking at my friend that helped me as much as I helped her. I’m looking at hope and joy and strength and perseverance and courage and reflecting it all back.

\n

We all are nothing more than the sum of our life experiences. I was ready to marry…every time I married. But I didn’t know then what I know now. Now I know what love is. I know how fragile life is. I know how to face the unimaginable and still live. I know how to live alone when it’s impossible to breathe. I know how rare it is to find someone so incredibly compatible. I know SO much more than I knew when I married Mr. Virgo. This man, this love, this marriage will reap the benefits of that knowledge and experience. I am so grateful to be where I am today. It is only through God’s grace and love that I found my way through the darkness. There may still be darkness ahead…but now there is hope. ❤️

\n

“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”

\n

1 Peter 5:10-11 NIV

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-17T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/17/here-comes-the-bride.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Peaceful Moments","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/16/the-harder-side-of-love.html", "title": "The Harder Side of Love", "content_html": "

\"Holding “This is what true love looks like.”

\n
“Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].”  1 CORINTHIANS 13:7 AMP
\nI received a call Sunday that my sweet Aunt Viv crossed over to meet our Lord. Aunt Viv has always had a heart of gold. I remember her holding Daughter #2 on her lap and singing “Jesus Loves Me” to her when she was just a bitty thing.\n

Aunt Viv met my Uncle “Dudley” when they were in high school. She was a majorette. He was on the football team. They both had excellent role models growing up and their marriage was built to last. Like my grandparents, my aunt and uncle sit beside each other and hold hands. It’s precious to see. 

\n

As Aunt Viv slid further and further into dementia, I encouraged my uncle to at least consider respite care so he could get some sleep. The last two years have been terribly difficult and he often went for days on very little sleep. They did finally get some help in the form of home health care, but he pooh-poohed the idea of placing his sweetheart somewhere other than the home they built together. 

\n

The other night I was having my quiet meditation time. I read my devotionals and had a quiet conversation with God. 

\n

“Lord, I am about to be married again. There were times in my past marriages when I wasn’t very good to my husband. Can you help me be a better wife? Can you show me what that means?”

\n

Immediately this picture popped into my head and I went through my phone to find it. Suddenly, I had this brilliant insight. Here I was, encouraging my uncle to send his beloved wife away when God was using him to show us all what true, Godly love looks like. He was showing us what “in sickness and in health” really means. I was humbled and ashamed. I immediately wanted to hug my sweet uncle and thank him for being the excellent role model he was and to apologize for ever speaking to him in such a way. What an amazing, strong man. 

\n

This is not to say there is anything wrong with people who make the difficult choice to put their loved one in a nursing home. Everyone has their own beliefs and abilities and no one should ever be made to feel guilty for having made that decision. It takes a lot out of a person to do what my uncle has done. I hate that he is so worn down. But I love that he stuck by his bride and held her hand for sixty-two years…right to the end. I think there will be an extra star in his crown when he joins her one day. ❤️

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-16T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/16/the-harder-side-of-love.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Aging","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/13/sparkles-and-sunshine.html", "title": "Sparkles and Sunshine", "content_html": "

\"Sparkly “My fancy earrings from Daughter #2…perfect for the wedding!”

\n
“Always be humble, gentle, and patient, accepting each other in love. You are joined together with peace through the Spirit, so make every effort to continue together in this way.”  Ephesians 4:2-3 NCV
\nOur good friends, Dianne and Bobby came over to the Ponderosa yesterday and helped us decorate the tent for the wedding. We moved the forty bails of hay and made rows of seating. We strung five hundred white twinkle lights above. We set up the serving tables and hung the cross at the front. We have the extra bales out front and I finally found a use for these two pieces of rustic decorative fencing I’ve had for years. The quilts are all in plastic tubs to keep from gathering moisture. The pulled pork goes in a slow oven in the morning and the fried chicken goes in the smoker to heat up.\n

The soft drinks and water are already in the big galvanized washtubs chilling outdoors overnight and ice will be added in the afternoon. My sweet friend Deneene came from South Carolina and arrived at 4:30. We went to town to fill up two big propane tanks for TOW-Wanda because I ran out of propane in the middle of the night. It was REALLY cold by morning! We dropped the tanks back off at the Ponderosa then we went to the farm to get Mr. FixIt’s white dinner jacket. As I was leaving I saw my mom’s quilt peeking out from under a stack of linens and grabbed it. I also brought the big box of fireworks we bought for the wedding. 

\n

And now, the day is here. I found a bag with a bunch of jewelry in it when I was at the farm yesterday. Last night I was showing my friend Deneene something in the bag and ran across these earrings. Daughter #2 bought me these for Christmas many years ago. I never had an occasion to wear time so they have been tucked away in a safe place…just waiting for the most special occasion. I sent my daughter this picture and asked if she remembered these. I told her I finally have a special occasion to wear them. You’re supposed to have something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. I haven’t borrowed anything yet, but the center stone in these earrings is the palest ice blue topaz, they’re old in that I’ve had them for years and they’re new in that I have never worn them. My daughter said that made her all fuzzy inside. I wish my girls could be here. But we will celebrate when we get to Colorado next. 

\n

Today! TODAY!!! I’m marrying my best friend today. The sweetest man on the planet. I’ve never been more ready, more prepared. 

\n

“Thank you, Jesus…for every gift, every blessing, every friend and family member. Bless those who cannot join us today. Bless my cousin Tom and his wife Suzy as he fights the ravages of mesothelioma. Bless my Uncle Bud and cousins as they sit with their wife and mother as she inches toward her final journey home. And Bless all these wonderful people who come here to read about how You impact my life. Lord, thank you for the gift of love from Mr. Virgo. Thank you for letting lightning strike twice and bringing me Mr FixIt. This is a love affair for the ages!

\n

And, as always…To God be the Glory.

\n

Amen”

\n

❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-13T01:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/13/sparkles-and-sunshine.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Starting Over","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/12/the-side-effects-of-obedience.html", "title": "The Side Effects of Obedience", "content_html": "

\"Sunset\" “Sunset over the Ponderosa.”

\n
“And love means living the way God commanded us to live. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this: Live a life of love.”  2 John 1:6 NCV
\nI went to small group from church last night. We have a fall series and a spring series of meetings. There are different groups to fill different needs and we are all encouraged to join a small group. In a huge church, it’s difficult to feel a bond with individual members of the church family. Small group gives us the chance to make friends, learn from God’s Word, and experience fellowship. I love the gals in my small group. We always have great discussions and we always share praises and prayers at the end.\n

It’s been four weeks since Mr. FixIt and I decided to get married and set the date. Four weeks since I made the decision to live separately from him till the wedding. Even though I came back to the Ponderosa last week, I’ve been staying in TOW-Wanda. I was chatting with the gals at small group about it and got to thinking on the drive home about how this exercise has changed me.

\n

First…I just FEEL different. It’s hard to describe. I feel honorable. Obedient. Peaceful. Good…in that good way you feel when you have done the right thing. It wasn’t easy. And it wasn’t necessarily comfortable. Some didn’t understand why I was doing this. That offered me the opportunity to share. I’ve had the opportunity to pray with others over this. I have even been an example to one woman who had a thought then heard my testimony and realized God was answering her question.

\n

Sometimes the decision to be obedient to God has as much to do with the people in your path as it does to you yourself. God orchestrates our lives and places us where He needs us. We miss the opportunity to experience the blessings from that if we choose to ignore the prodding, the poking, the whispering of the Holy Spirit. I’m really glad I’ve done this. It has given our wedding a new depth and meaning. 

\n

The whole time I lived here before this, Mr. FixIt always talked about this being “our house”. And, while we did make some changes and redecorated, try as I might…I couldn’t get past considering it HIS house. Now, one of the side effects of my obedience is seeing this place as our home. Not HIS house…our HOME. Big difference. 

\n

Yesterday was rainy and we just did some things around the house. I picked up my wedding band from the jeweler. It is purposefully different. When I tried it on, my mind flashed back to my last wedding band. I smiled. 

\n

Mr. FixIt shampooed carpets. I took the pulled pork out of the freezer and put it into the fridge in the garage to thaw. We sat down and made some lists. We have friends coming today to help decorate the tent and whatever else we need to do. Mr. FixIt will go to town and pick up some food items we need for the reception. I have to run to the farm because we left his white dinner jacket out there. 

\n

We are organized. We are (fairly) rested and relaxed. And, we are SO excited!

\n

OMGosh! You guys….TOMORROW!!!!! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-12T01:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/12/the-side-effects-of-obedience.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Choices","Change","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/11/thanking-god.html", "title": "Thanking God", "content_html": "

\"Wedding “The wedding tent!”

\n
“Everything God made is waiting with excitement for God to show his children’s glory completely.”  Romans 8:19 NCV
\nI hadn’t even had my coffee yesterday morning when I heard the diesel dually pull into the driveway just beyond TOW-Wanda’s door. I felt a thrill in my veins. \n

“They’re here!” I thought. “The tent men are here.”

\n

Sure enough, two guys in a pickup with a great big tent rolled up in the back were waiting for directions as to where to erect said structure. I walked out in the field and showed him the site Mr. FixIt and I had chosen the night before. I want the tent positioned so people turning in from the main road will have a straight on view. 

\n

It wasn’t 30 minutes and they had the tent up. They forgot to bring the sides to protect from the rain, so the owner of the tent company brought them later. I was thrilled to see him. You see, Andy grew up two houses from me. I am ten years older than him but I remember him as a little boy. His dad used to have a little carnival and concession business that turned into a tent rental enterprise. When I was a little girl, Andy’s dad used to store his carnival rides in the yard behind their house. He had a cotton candy machine on the back porch. Sometimes he would start it up and give all the neighborhood kids free cotton candy. It was a pleasure to visit with Andy and talk about the old days in the neighborhood. 

\n

The tent hadn’t been up two hours when it started raining. We were going to decorate the tent but it was too wet. I went to town for my final fitting and brought the dress home with me! It’s hanging here in TOW-Wanda. It’s supposed to rain all day today. I’m looking forward to a lay low day of doing nothing. Mr. FixIt and I are exhausted. We need to rest up for the two days ahead!

\n

Thursday…Friday….SATURDAY!!! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-11T01:30:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/11/thanking-god.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Presence","Be Joyful!","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/09/i-have-a-dream.html", "title": "I Have a DREAM!", "content_html": "

\"Dream\" “I have a God dream!”

\n
“But Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don’t be afraid. I will provide for you and your children.” And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.”  Genesis 50:19-21 NIV
\nA big dream. I’m not talking about an in-my-sleep dream. I’m talking about a GOD dream. I was thrilled this morning when my church shared the video of Pastor Jabin Chavez when he spoke at the Warehouse Church a couple of weeks ago. This is the video we saw in church Sunday. I told you yesterday I wanted to process it some more before I discuss it further. It touched me deeply and I really want to share it with you to see if you have the time. This is one of those messages that touches your soul. \n

youtu.be/XyjzqjJPy…

\n

We are inching ever closer to the end of a very long list of things we want to get done before the wedding. We went to the farm yesterday and mowed. I moved boxes and filled the bird feeders. We emptied the truck and trailer of hay and covered it with a tarp. Mowed, cleaned, picked up junk. I’m still working on cleaning all the parts of the smoker. (I love the product but the clean up is a bear.) I’ve come up with more quilts! 

\n

FIVE DAYS!!!!!

\n

 

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-09T01:30:24-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/09/i-have-a-dream.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage","Humbled","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/07/the-glory-of-love.html", "title": "The Glory of Love", "content_html": "

\"Sunset\" “Sunset over the Ponderosa.”

\n
“Therefore, since we have these [great and wonderful] promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, completing holiness [living a consecrated life--a life set apart for God’s purpose] in the fear of God.”  2 CORINTHIANS 7:1 AMP
\nWhat beautiful sunsets we get to see here on the Ponderosa! I was just heading back in the house after dining al fresco with Mr. FixIt when I notice the light changing. I turned around and caught this. With the hill behind the house, we don’t catch the setting sun itself. However, if there are clouds, you can catch the reflection and oftentimes it is so stunning it takes you breath away.\n

I got a bit of a late start this morning and by the time I got out to clean the smoker, it was already 88 degrees. Sitting in the sun scrubbing furiously is all it took to knock me down. I had to go lay down in the air conditioning in TOW-Wanda till it cooled off outside and I cooled off inside. We drove to town for a couple of things and picked up hamburger for supper. Mr. FixIt tried to burn the brush pile again and it just will not burn. Too green, too wet…who knows? Not sure what we’re going to do now with two charred piles of blackened brush. Some will burn…just not much. I finished the inside of the smoker at dark and will clean the racks tomorrow while Mr. FixIt bowls.

\n

My good friend Diane hunted down some hay for me so we’re picking that up this afternoon after church. Now I’m on the hunt for some cutter quilts. A friend of mine told me where I might find some. Now it’s just a matter of having the time to go look. sigh

\n

As you can see in the picture, TOW-Wanda is tucked in there under the maple tree by the building. I’m staying out there till the wedding. I am determined to see this through. A commitment is a commitment. 

\n

I’m looking forward to church today. I need the break…and the soothing calm I get from worshiping with our church family. I am not at all nervous about the wedding or marrying Mr. FixIt. There is just so much we would like to get done beforehand. We were talking as we drove to town last night. I suggested we go get massages before the wedding. Don’t you think that would be a lovely idea? 

\n

Six days!!!!! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-07T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/07/the-glory-of-love.html", "tags": ["Faith","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/02/im-a-risktaking-storyteller.html", "title": "I’m a Risk-taking Storyteller", "content_html": "

\"Inspired “I am willing to risk being wrong.”

\n
“He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. As you do not know the way the spirit comes to the bones in the womb of a woman with child, so you do not know the work of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good. Light is sweet, and it is pleasant for the eyes to see the sun. So if a person lives many years, let him rejoice in them all; but let him remember that the days of darkness will be many. All that comes is vanity.”  \n

Ecclesiastes 11:4-8 ESV

\nLet’s face it…I’m a risk-taker. I wasn’t always. I stood at the edge of many a precipice, leaning forward just enough to deem the venture far too scary to attempt. And, being a perfectionist compounded the issue with my “If I can’t overachieve, I will not try” personality. This has kept me from experiencing many incredible  moments that, at the very least would have been entertaining, and more than likely would have changed my life. But, change wasn’t something I was interested in. 

\n

I remember when my 20-year marriage was falling apart. I had been in therapy for depression stemming from a past filled with abuse, both to me and by me. Sexual abuse. Emotional abuse. Alcohol abuse. Prescription abuse. When my ex-husband was at the end of his rope, he had some therapy of his own to gain the tools he needed to take care of himself. He was changing right in front of me and it scared me more than anything else had. Because I knew where this was headed. My long-standing abandonment issues assured me I would be alone and destitute and living on the streets. Of course, that never happened, but I distinctly remember him saying something to me and asking him just how much he was going to change because I didn’t like it. I can look back on that moment now and realize he was actually saving my life, but at the time, I was horrified. 

\n

When I found myself dangling by the end of my own rope, I was forced to change or die. I’d love to say it was an easy choice and I moved right on by the huge crevasse that had opened in my life, but that was not the case. I overdosed and came as close to death as I care to go at this point in my life. And that was, as they say, the bottom of the barrel. 

\n

I wasn’t a Christian yet, but I saw a tunnel before me of the most beautiful shade of cobalt blue surrounded with rays of gold…like a giant eclipse of the sun. While I was in this tunnel, my dead grandma came to me and stood by my side. She sternly told me, “Get back down there, young lady! You have work to do!” It took me five years and the death of my mother and the prayers of some really great people to find Jesus and my life changed in an instant. Not that my circumstances were ideal and I didn’t still struggle. I did. But I felt every cell in my body come alive and become new. It was…THE change. The really BIG change. 

\n

My fear level plummeted. I became a risk taker. After two failed marriages, Mr. Virgo came into my life and I plunged off the cliff of a third marriage holding hands with a wonderful man. We enjoyed seven years of this bliss before he died suddenly as we were planning our golden years. Grief chiseled me into who I am today. Stronger, to be sure. Softer, more empathetic. Grief became my story…and I’m an avid storyteller. 

\n

Now, here I am…about to jump off the cliff again. My fourth marriage. I swear, it’s my LAST marriage. Daughter #1 has taken to calling me “Liz”. Someone asked me the other day if I was scared. My answer was, “Heck no! I’m marrying my very best friend whom I’ve known for fifty years. Bring it on!” I realized a couple of days later what she meant….

\n

Was I scared of losing Mr. FixIt like I lost Mr. Virgo?

\n

I pondered. This is why no one likes to talk about death and grief. It hits too darned close to home. Am I worried that Mr. FixIt will drop dead in front of me? I’d be lying if I said no. Am I willing to risk going through loss and grief again so that I can experience the love of another wonderful man? Absolutely! And you know why I say that? Because, I’m a risk-taker now. Ever since I laid everything on the line for Jesus, I’ve been firmly in the camp of “I’m willing to risk being wrong.”  It took me 14 months of being engaged to Mr. FixIt to prepare for this marriage. It took standing up and adding the caveat of living separately for the month before the wedding as a sacrifice and atonement for living together before we were married. And it took the assurance of a loving God that He will always and forever have my back in all things I do. I will not be afraid. 

\n

They say God will catch you and teach to you fly. I am sure there will be many flying lessons ahead, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take and a story I’m willing to tell. ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-02T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/02/im-a-risktaking-storyteller.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Fear","Courage","Choices","Starting Over","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/10/01/the-devolution-of-man.html", "title": "The Devolution of Man", "content_html": "

\"Fog\" “Foggy morning at the farm.”

\n

I’m a scientist at heart. I’ve worked in medicine since I was 17 years old. I was married to a doctor for 21 years. I am a Christian. And the question of creation versus evolution is hard for me to answer completely. As a scientist, I have seen empirical evidence of evolution. It’s difficult for me to argue with DNA and carbon dating and fossils. As a Christian, I believe that God spoke the world into existence and breathed life into all things. When we read the Bible, we are interpreting it through our current base of experiences and knowledge. We read Genesis 1:26 “Let us make man in our image.” Was God talking literally? As in, the way we look today? Humans look different than they did even a thousand years ago. We are taller and certainly bigger than our distant ancestors. So, was He speaking metaphorically? Spiritually? Was He talking about attributes we are familiar with in this day and age? Was there a Big Bang? What is time? Is it measured precisely as it was in the beginning? Was a day exactly 24 hours and a year exactly 365 days? I don’t know the answer to all of these questions because, while I am continuing to learn and grow in my faith, I have not seen God personally. I experience God daily. That is different. I will leave these questions to those who are far better educated than I. Someday, we will know.

\n

My point today is not the “e”volution of man, but the “d”evolution. Devolution is defined as “perversion; deterioration of morality.” I think we can all agree this is what we are seeing on the daily in the news and on all forms of social media. It doesn’t matter which side of the aisle you sit on. It doesn’t matter what your faith, race, sexual identity, nationality, level of education, IQ, or genetic makeup is…there’s something decidedly crazy going on in the world. I’m not sure our country has seen this level of divisiveness since the ‘50s or ‘60s. 

\n

Here’s just one small example that I ran across the other day. There is a meme going around on FB that shows President Clinton with a blonde woman with a caption “Bill Clinton and Dr. Ford” with “WELL, WELL, WELL” written across it. Intimating what, exactly? Collusion? A mass conspiracy in the ‘90s to supplant a Supreme Court nominee sometime in the year 2018? I don’t know. The woman in the photo is actually Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, a Democrat and a Senator from New York. Ok…memes happen all the time. Right, Left, true, false…whatever. While these things are irresponsible and show a lack of even a basic level of curiosity as to the veracity of the information being openly disseminated, my biggest problem is the responses they generate.

\n

People I know…or, thought I knew. People who went to school with me. People who claim to be Christians. People who fight for the proper treatment of animals but absolutely, openly, viciously trash human beings who believe differently than they do. In the last couple of years, it seems we (and by “we”, I mean the collective “we”) have lost our ability to govern our tongues. The very people who are furious that God has been taken out of the classroom are lashing out with a vengeance at…I don’t know…everybody. I can let it make me crazy or depressed or angry. Or, I can choose to take the high road. I can check my own tongue and moral compass. Let me just drop a few lines from life’s instruction manual…

\n

Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble. Proverbs 21:23

\n

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29

\n

A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1

\n

There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

\n

Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! Psalm 141:3

\n

Here’s a good one…If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. James 1:26

\n

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Psalm 34:13

\n

Oh, I love this one…Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. Proverbs 17:28

\n

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. 1 Peter 3:10

\n

A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. Proverbs 15:4

\n

Has your spirit felt broken by the words of others? I know the easiest answer of all would be to get off social media altogether, but like it or not, this is how many of us keep in touch with friends and family. Oh, you can hide the posts. You can scroll right on past and not engage. But that doesn’t solve the problem. That doesn’t improve matters. That doesn’t swing our moral compass back toward true north. 

\n

It’s a “sticky wicket”, as they say in England. It’s not an easy thing to do. We aren’t the moral police meaning we can’t force others to bend at our will, as they are perhaps trying to bend ours. But what we CAN do is be a light in the world. We can live by example. We cannot change others, but we can show a different way to be. And remember, the instruction manual also says this…

\n

Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Galatians 6:1

\n

As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him, knowing such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned. Titus 3:10-11

\n

If you’re looking for me, I’ll be cleaning up my friends list now. ❤️

\n", "date_published": "2018-10-01T01:30:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/10/01/the-devolution-of-man.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Grace","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/29/he-who-lives-in-me.html", "title": "He Who Lives in Me...", "content_html": "

\"Rustic “A rustic cross is just what we need to turn our tent into a House of God.”

\n
“Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”  1 John 4:4 ESV
\nI ran a million errands yesterday. Ok...it just FELT like a million. I needed thread and some sewing scissors to sew the lace extension on my wedding dress. (It’s not quite as long as I want.) I had to take all the stuff I bought yesterday over to Mr. FixIt’s and pick up the sewing machine and my wedding dress. Then I noticed a package I was expecting wasn’t delivered because I wasn’t there. I picked up the pink slip out of the mailbox and headed to the post office. On and on and on.\n

My last stop was at Pat Catan’s…the craft store in town. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for. I have an idea for a banner or something but I just can’t quite make up my mind. Then I saw this rustic cross. I thought it would be perfect to hang over the spot we stand with the pastor. (We have a pastor!) We aren’t getting married in a church, but we can sure bring God into the tent! As I was checking out, the clerk said, “Wow. You just bought this cross and, I don’t quite know how to tell you…you saved $6.66!” Without missing a beat, I smiled and said…”He who lives in me is greater than he who lives in the world. He doesn’t scare me!” 

\n

I didn’t take the receipt, though.

\n

What I did do this week was disconnect from the media for awhile. As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I found way too many triggers everywhere I turned. Instead…I threw all my focus on this gentle man I am about to marry. Avoidance oF the media surrounding the event does not mean I am uninformed or uncaring. It just means I know my limits and I had reached mine by the end of the Cosby sentencing. This world breaks my heart sometimes. Will there ever be a time when we are less…divided, angry, hateful?

\n

I may be weary of all this, but I am not fearful. Fear is from the enemy. He will whisper and tell you all is lost. Don’t believe him! WALK STRONG! ❤️

\n
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalms‬ ‭23:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\n", "date_published": "2018-09-29T01:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/29/he-who-lives-in-me.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Humbled","Wedding"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/28/praise-and-pumpkins.html", "title": "Praise and Pumpkins", "content_html": "

\"Pumpkin\" “Pumpkins seem pretty pricey this year!”

\n
“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.”  Philippians 4:19-20 ESV
\nI went to my small group from church last night. I shared with them my decision to go back to the farm until Mr. FixIt and I get married. I also shared what happened with the trucks. When I wrote yesterday’s post, I was concerned with the possible cost of repairs or, heaven forbid, replacement of two vehicles. So, I prayed. Fervently.\n

Our pastor has been stressing the importance of praying as if your prayer has already been answered. So I thanked God for fixing it so that we didn’t have to replace our vehicles. I thanked him for making the repairs simple and affordable. I also thanked him for being a loving Father and for taking such good care of us.

\n

Yesterday morning, I called the Ford dealer and told him about my wheel screaming and that I really needed it looked at quickly because I can’t be without my truck. He said to bring it right in. Blessing #1. I backed down the driveway onto the road, put it in drive, and the scream totally disappeared. Blessing #2. I drove the hour to the Ford dealer, explained what was going on, and they took the truck right back. I waited in the lounge for an hour then the mechanic came out to get me. He told me there was a plate that had moved a little and that’s what was making my back brakes squeak when I back up. He fixed that. He said he went over the entire brake system and it was fine. When I asked him how much I owed him, he said “Not a thing.” Blessing #3. Then Mr. FixIt called. He met with the Toyota garage and determined most of what they wanted to fix was either something he could fix himself, or something that wasn’t at all urgent. They agreed to a couple of small things that needed fixing more urgently, and the total was under $400. Blessing #4!

\n

These blessings…are they coincidence? I don’t think so. I don’t believe in coincidences or accidents. Are they because I made a commitment to do the right thing in honoring God before we get married? I do not know the mind of God, but if I were a betting person, I’d say there’s a pretty good chance that’s exactly what happened. 

\n

The rest of the day was spent running errands before I headed to small group from church. I bought two big galvanized tubs to put ice and drinks in for the wedding. I picked up a few more invitations and got them sent out. I bought some burlap ribbon for the bridal bouquet. And I went on the search for pumpkins for decorating the tent. However, I am NOT paying $10 a piece for them! This was at a produce market north of Marietta, OH. I’m also not buying mums till next week. If they are blooming now, they will be sticks by the time the wedding gets here. Still haven’t firmed up the officiant. Everything else is coming together nicely! Oh, this is going to be SO much fun!!! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-28T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/28/praise-and-pumpkins.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","Grace","God","Humbled","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/22/a-change-is-gonna-come.html", "title": "A Change is Gonna Come...", "content_html": "

\"Changing “A change is coming. Can you feel it?”

\n
“Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find? The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.”  Proverbs 20:6-7 NIV
\nYesterday, I told you there were some big decisions I’ve been working on the last few months. Today, I want to talk with you about one of them. The most important one. This is a REALLY long post...but hang in there with me. You won’t be sorry.\n

Not long after Mr. FixIt and I became a serious item, God started working on me. For a long time, whenever I walk into church, I say a little prayer. I always say, “Lord, if there is a personal message you have for me today, please anoint the Pastor’s words so he can deliver it to me.” Countless times, God answers my plea and the Pastor will literally come to the front of the stage, stand right in front of me, look me straight in the eye, and say something that is unmistakably personal. Something exactly about what I’ve been working on, or worrying over. I would say it’s uncanny, but what it really is…is supernatural. Our God is a supernatural God. He listens, and He communicates…through the Holy Spirit. Through a total stranger. Through your Guardian Angel. If He has a message, and you ask Him to tell you loud and clear, He doesn’t need a megaphone. He’ll beat you over the head with it if it’s something you truly need.

\n

From the time Mr. FixIt and I got serious, I’ve been getting messages from God that we shouldn’t be living together without being married. I have to be honest…this has never bothered me before. I’m a product of the ‘60s and I never had a problem living with someone before we got married. But this time is different. It’s been wearing on me. And I think I’ve figured out why.

\n

The biggest reason is my faith has grown exponentially since Mr. Virgo died. I had to make God the center of my life in order to survive that loss. In order to not feel so alone. And God has drawn me ever so close to Him. He has guarded me and protected me. He has led me through some terribly difficult times. He has been my rock…my anchor. In the past, that has not been the case. My relationship with my husband was my focus. My relationship with God suffered and therefore I suffered. And I wasn’t even aware of it.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I keep God at the center of our relationship. Or…so I would love for everyone to believe. See, here’s the thing. You’re either all in with God. Or, you’re not. That’s why I’ve been feeling off about cohabitation. Now, there is the issue of widow’s benefits. I had been told when I first went to Social Security after Mr. Virgo died, that if I remarried I would lose my widow’s benefits. I’ve kept that information in my mind all this time without questioning. Until last weekend.

\n

Mr. FixIt and I have spent a great deal of time apart in the last month between being sick and in the hospital, camping with the Girl Campers, and going to Country Living Fair. The reason I took my camper up with me and camped alone instead of bunking with my gal pals was…I needed some alone time with God. These wonderful women I was with are two of my strongest Christian friends. They mentor me. They are sounding boards for me when I have questions. They are my fellow prayer warriors when I need them. I confessed how I was feeling and they talked with me about it.

\n

While camping alone, I prayed deeply. I told God my worries. I told him I totally trust in Him and that I know without question that He will provide for me. But I’ve been so worried about losing my widow’s benefits because my own Social Security is paltry. I was a stay-at-home mom, so I didn’t make a lot of money in my lifetime. Mr. Virgo, however, worked in 5-Star resorts and restaurants all his career. He died before touching his Social Security. My benefits through him are far more than my own. Not enough to live in the lap of luxury, mind you. But enough to live on if I were extremely frugal. I asked God to give me a sign that I wouldn’t lose my benefits if I remarried.

\n

Then, I listened. “Google. What happens to widow’s benefits if you remarry?” Simple enough, right? I mean, why didn’t I think to Google that a long time ago? Because….it wasn’t the right time. Mr. FixIt asked me to marry him just a month after we started dating. It was too soon. We needed to get to know each other more. We needed to grow together in our faith. And, I needed more time to work through my grief. This was God’s perfect timing. I Googled the question and page after page of answers came back. “If you remarry after the age of 60, you will NOT lose your widow’s benefits.” Wow! The reason it stuck in my head so long ago was, I was only 59 when Mr. Virgo died. They told me if I remarried, I would lose my benefits. But that was THEN. Grief brain didn’t allow the rest of it to soak in. 

\n

I sat back…stunned by this revelation. I looked up and said, “Thank you, God. That’s all I needed to know!” Then I texted Mr. FixIt.

\n

“I miss you. Let’s get married.”

\n

Without missing a beat, he wrote back. “OK! We’ll set a date when you get home! What prompted this?”

\n

“God.” I said.

\n

So, we set a date! Yes, my lovely Ranchers…we’re getting MARRIED!!!

\n

Ohhhhh….Emmmmmm…..Geeeeeeeee!!!

\n

I’m all in. I can’t, in good conscience, profess my faith AND live in a way that I feel, for me, is counter to that. So I’m following my conscience and God’s clear instructions to marry this very wonderful man that He sent me. We chose October 13th as our wedding day. When I was looking through the calendar, the 13th jumped out at me. I seemed to remember it being a family anniversary. I looked up on my family tree and indeed…it was my Grandma and PopPop’s anniversary! Those two in whose bedroom I am currently propped up, writing to you! PopPop died on my mom’s birthday…August 26th. Just seven weeks before their 50th Wedding Anniversary. I know how terribly sad I was when Mr. Virgo died just three weeks shy of our 6th anniversary. I can’t imagine what my grandma went through losing her forever sweetheart so close to such a monumental event. I am thrilled we can celebrate our wedding on their special day!

\n

So, there it is, my friends. A change is gonna come. Will I still be a widow? Yes, I will always and forever be a widow. AND, I will be a wife again. Never in my wildest dreams would I have anticipated something so precious happening again. I know Mr. Virgo had a hand in this. He and God stopped at the 9th or 10th hole one day when they were playing a round of golf. 

\n

“Hey, look down there at that beautiful woman. Do you think we can send her someone to love who will love her back with the white-hot heat of the sun?”

\n

And God said…”Ha! Watch this!” ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-22T01:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/22/a-change-is-gonna-come.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Be Joyful!","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/21/a-fork-in-the-road.html", "title": "A Fork in the Road", "content_html": "

\"Fork “Making decisions at the fork in the road.”

\n
“If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.”  1 Peter 4:11-12 NIV
\nI’ve had a couple of major decisions weighing on my heart the last few months. Good things...but just figuring out which way to go is sometimes overwhelming. When I am faced with just such a dilemma and I grasp it with both hands, I try to wrestle it into the box I want to put it in. This is a goal. Something you can plan for, see, hold onto, and finish all on your own. And...quite often it leads to frustration when you can’t make it fit. When it doesn’t work out the way you want it to.\n

There’s another way to do this that relieves you of the pressure you put on yourself. You give it to God. I have been reminded of this multiple times in the last week when wonderful women of great faith were sent to me. I listened to their wise counsel. I held hands and prayed with them. And I spent the weekend camping in TOW-Wanda while I was in Columbus at the Country Living Fair. When I stopped trying to hold on so tight and bend these situations to MY will and let God work it out to HIS will, the answers became perfectly clear. The decisions ultimately were simple and life changing. This is a dream…something that comes from God. We discussed this at my small group from church last night and it made so much sense.

\n

I love how this works. I wish I would remember to give it over to God BEFORE I beat my head against a brick wall for months. Maybe one of these days that stubborn “I can do it myself” attitude with magically melt away. And, maybe someday pigs really WILL fly. For now, I’ll take the solace where I can get it and be grateful for God’s grace and the serenity it can provide.

\n
“...When a believing person prays, great things happen.”  James 5:16 NCV
\n❤️\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-21T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/21/a-fork-in-the-road.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/09/03/feeling-stronger-every-day.html", "title": "Feeling Stronger Every Day", "content_html": "

\"Psalms “I love Psalms.”

\n
“Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you,”  Exodus 23:25 NIV
\nRemember that song? You never realize how sick you were till you feel better. My medication list just got longer...for the next twelve days, at least. But it’s a small price to pay at this point. \n

I went to the farm yesterday to look for something and do some laundry. When I walked up on the back porch, I noticed the cats had left a Ritual Sacrifice to the Food God. This one was of the rodent variety. Not sure of the significance, but it is their way of showing love…however icky. At least it wasn’t one of my pretty songbirds. As I was feeding Boy Cat, he shot past me and made a bee line for the driveway. I knew he was after something and soon he came back proudly carrying a frog to present to me. Of course, as soon as he set down the frog in front of me, it took off. I managed to shoo that cat enough to give the frog a chance to make his escape and soon Boy Cat was happily munching on his real supper.

\n

As I walked into the house, I saw all the boxes. I have to tell you, my heart sank for a moment. I was so sick last week that I actually forgot for a moment they were out there. They’ll have to wait for a while though. Winter is coming fast enough and I’m not going to miss out on a moment of this gorgeous weather coming up. We are to have a very hot week, then things should cool off. There are already a lot of leaves changing around here. Spots of gold are everywhere and leaves are falling on some varieties of trees. I won’t mind cool nights. They make sleeping so much better.

\n

The grass desperately needs cut out at the farm and I was actually smart enough to refrain from trying to mow it myself. I consider that a major accomplishment. I am not always to responsible. Unfortunately, I have shared this virus with Mr. FixIt and he’s feeling pretty miserable this evening. I certainly hope I can get him through this quickly. I don’t think he will have the same lung issue with it because he doesn’t have asthma like me. Thank goodness! I’m sterilizing everything because these respiratory viruses can live on surfaces for ten days. That’s how people keep getting reinfected. 

\n

Well, it’s Monday. Go out there and make it a good week and be good to each other. A smile can be such a blessing to someone that it bounces right back on you! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-09-03T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/09/03/feeling-stronger-every-day.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/20/into-the-wilderness.html", "title": "Into the Wilderness", "content_html": "

\"Colorado\" “The wilderness of Colorado offered me a place of solace to grieve.”

\n
“Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.”  Matthew 4:1 NIV
\nWhen Mr. Virgo died and I went alone into the wilderness and backroads of Colorado for three months, I was often faced with views such as this. Vast expanses of wilderness, as far as the eye could see. I could go days without seeing another soul. It was what my heart needed...to walk alone with God. To seek quiet counsel with my Father who could comfort me like no other. To feel free to express my emotions in ways that could release the pain and anguish without constraint. It was all part of the life-altering experience of loss and healing.\n

Pastor Justin spoke yesterday of what happened to Jesus after he was baptized. In Matthew, Chapter 4, Jesus had just been baptized and was led by the Holy Spirit into the wilderness. There, he was met by the enemy who tempted him. After fasting for forty days and forty nights, Jesus was hungry. Satan scoffed at him saying, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” To which Jesus answered that man shall not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. The devil led him to a high point and commanded Jesus to jump, saying surely God’s angels would catch him and he would not be harmed. Jesus said, “Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” Again, the enemy took Jesus to the highest point and offered to give Him all of the kingdoms if He would just bow down and worship him. To which Jesus replied, and I paraphrase here…Get the heck away from me! I will serve only my Father in Heaven!

\n

The Pastor brought up a couple of interesting insights that I want to share with you today. First, Jesus was baptized and received the Holy Spirit in the most remarkable way. When we receive the Spirit, we certain feel it to the depth of our soul. We are instantaneously changed…at a cellular level…into a new creation. When Jesus received the Holy Spirit, the sky literally opened up, and the voice of God declared to all that would hear…”This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased.” That had to be epic for those within hearing range. Then, the Holy Spirit was delivered down from Heaven in the form of a dove and landed on Jesus. Can you imagine watching this taking place?

\n

Then, what was the first thing that happened? Did Jesus get up and say, “Wow…I feel different now.” Did he walk into favor and blessings and immediately start healing people? No. He was led, by the Holy Spirit, into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.

\n

This is where we go as well. When we first accept Christ as our Savior, we don’t strut around like we’ve just won Best Actor. We don’t get showered with “super blessings” and everything becomes right in our world. If this is what happened to you, you might want to look back at the sincerity of your proclamation, because what really happens is…we are led into the wilderness. And we are bombarded by the enemy. He tempts us. He lies. He kills. He destroys. We may be bewildered by this because no one told us things were probably going to get mighty difficult when we choose this particular path. Because Satan is threatened by your faith. He hates it. He is jealous. He wants to whisper in your ear and fill you with doubt. We need to do what Jesus did…tell the devil to get away from you. You aren’t having any of this.

\n

Pastor Justin pointed out…this temptation is a lie. The enemy is tempting you with things you already have. He may tempt you by causing your eye to wander to another when you already have a spouse at home. He may make you envy your neighbor they’re big fancy house when you already have a house of your own. He is offering you things you already have because he doesn’t have anything real to offer you. His offer is death. 

\n

When I look back at the challenges of the last several years, I see so many moments when I could have chucked it all in, but I stayed the course. Because, you never know when the blessing will come. There have been times in this writing journey that I have asked myself if it is worth it to keep going. Have I already said everything there is to say? Is it making a difference to anyone? It can be tiring. It can be frustrating. I sometimes struggle for a topic. But I listen for the still, small voice. And today, it spoke to me through a reader. In my Sunday Evening Prayer Circle, a reader told me she was praying for me and my ministry here. She said that my words have helped her and made a difference in her life. I’m not saying this to boast. I am saying this to praise the Holy Spirit who moved her to answer the question that I lifted up to God just this morning in church. 

\n

“Am I doing what You want me to do, Lord?” 

\n

The answer was, “Yes.”

\n

?

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-08-20T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/20/into-the-wilderness.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/08/13/monday-morning-wrap-up.html", "title": "Monday Morning Wrap Up", "content_html": "

\"Rose “My beautiful Rose of Sharon and gigantic Hydrangea”

\n
“Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.” Matthew 11::6NIV
\nWow, what a weekend! A group of my high school friends gathered for a class picnic on Saturday. We had such a good time. There was lots of great food, as you can well imagine. One of our friends lost his wife two months ago, so there were several of us around the table who have known that kind of loss and could offer him the support of one who’s been there. Even though everyone’s grief is different, there are so many threads that creat the same cloth.\n

Sunday was wonderful at church. We had a visiting pastor from Mason, WV who did a terrific job. His sermon was entitled, “I Still Believe”. His message was about John the Baptist. Here was someone who had been the one to pave the way for Jesus. He was the one telling people he wasn’t worthy to unlace the sandals of the Messiah. He is the one who baptized Jesus. Then…he was thrown in prison. He sent a message to Jesus through one of his disciples. He asked, “Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?” Now, John KNEW Jesus was the Messiah. He had seen the sky open and a dove come down and hear God’s own voice when he had baptized Jesus. Why would he be asking if He was really the one? Pastor Jason proposed that what John was really asking was, “Will you come to me? Will you help me?” When Jesus said no…he wasn’t coming, he wanted the disciple to remind him of all the works he had seen. He wanted John to know, “Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.” In other words…still believe. Even though I am not coming to rescue you…still believe. And that’s exactly what John did. He still believed.

\n

This is such a valuable message to me. I have had so many struggles. I still believe. I was molested as a child. I still believe. I abused alcohol and drugs. I still believe. I went through two divorces. I still believe. I lost my sweet husband. I still believe. I’ve been betrayed by those I trust. I still believe. I have seen people whom I love struggle and suffer great hardships. I still believe. I have been attacked by the enemy through people I barely knew and never treated poorly. I still believe. I have watched evil walk the earth and do unspeakable things. Yet…I still believe. There is nothing anyone can do that will shake my confidence that God is always there for me and will never forsake me. Even when I don’t feel Him. Even when I don’t see evidence. Even when I pray for things and they don’t turn out the way I thought they would. Even when I don’t find favor. I will still believe because He who lives within me is greater than he who lives in the world.

\n

It was a beautiful day, so after church, we went for Chinese for lunch then out to the farm. I love a Sunday afternoon nap and there’s no place I’d rather do that than the farm. The phone woke me from a dream. I was in the farmhouse, but it was very cold. I was trying to plug a hole in the wall with a cardboard box but I could not figure out how to keep it in place. When I woke up enough, I realized the AC was blowing on my feet. ?‍♀️

\n

The phone call was from Daughter #2. She was working her shift at the coffee shop when a customer came up and asked her to come to the window. There was a man sitting on the patio out front, in full view….um, let’s just say he was doing something definitely NOT for public viewing. She called security and they said unless they actually saw the activity, they couldn’t do anything. She called her boss and she said to call security back and tell them to get their butts over there, now! Daughter #2, with security backup, had to tell the man to leave. He did not put up a fight and he went on his way. But this worries me. I will not speak my concerns and give them life. She is a smart girl. She will keep her eye out. She was very brave. 

\n

I still believe. Why? because, she texted me after it was over and said, “Even though I don’t believe in prayer, will you please pray that my day improves?”

\n

You bet, babe. I’ve got your back! ❤️?❤️

\n

 

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-08-13T01:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/08/13/monday-morning-wrap-up.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/31/when-the-unthinkable-happens.html", "title": "When The Unthinkable Happens", "content_html": "

\"Mountain “What do you do when the unthinkable really happens to someone you know?”

\n

Everyone thinks their grief is the worst grief ever…because it is theirs. This is legitimate because it is YOU that is dealing with it, YOU that has lost your person. It’s hard to imagine it being any worse than it is…at least, at first it is. After some time, you begin to hear stories of other’s loss and you begin to see where they have gone through much worse things. This doesn’t negate your experience at all. But it does give you incredible empathy for others who are struggling.

\n

Over the course of the last five years, I have spoken with countless widows and widowers who have lost their spouses…everything from the sudden death of a heart attack like Mr. Virgo to long, drawn out diseases such as cancer that took their loved one ever so slowly. I have often thought, while my loss was sudden and shocking, I couldn’t imagine watching him suffer. I told myself, if I had to lose him, at least it was fast and relatively painless, from what I could tell.

\n

One of the harder things to imagine is losing a child or a grandchild. That goes against nature…we aren’t supposed to outlive our youngsters. Or death by suicide. It is so hard to know what to say to those left behind. I’ve written about this many times…especially what NOT to say. You should never say “They’re in a better place.” Because, they aren’t to the ones left behind. They should still be HERE. THIS is the better place. You should never trivialize another’s grief by going into your own story. There is a place for that, especially when asked by the newly bereaved a question like, “How did you handle this?” The best thing you can do is offer a hug or some other form of support like errands, food, or chores. As far as what to say, a simple “I am so sorry. My heart is with you in your loss” should suffice when you have no other words.

\n

I’ve faced people with all kinds of grief, but I came up against something yesterday that broke me. A sweet friend I know from camping lost her son and his girlfriend two days ago to murder abroad. I struggled all day yesterday with what to say that would make a difference. Finally, I told our mutual friend who was going to go sit with her to please tell her I am praying so hard for her and her family. I am praying for comfort, for endurance, for strength, for courage. And to tell her my heart is breaking for her.

\n

This is new territory for me. It’s the ultimate unthinkable scenario. The worst of the worst case scenarios. And, just that morning, I read in my daily devotions…

\n
1 Peter 5:10NIV “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”
\nIt must be incredibly difficult to maintain your faith when the unthinkable happens and your child is lost in such a violent manner. It must be terribly confusing to make important decisions while navigating laws and language barriers with a foreign country all while you are totally numb. It must be so frightening to do this with very little family to support you. You pray there are close friends who will help in your time of need. My faith always brings me back to seeking God in every situation. In this, I am reminded...God does not bring these tragedies upon us. He is not punishing us for some transgression. There is evil in the world and terrible, evil, unthinkable things happen. And, while it may indeed be a very long season for you to get through this unspeakable thing, God wants you to know your suffering is finite. He will bring you strength and will restore you. Not in the same form you were. But in a different way, a different person, a different life. He will make you strong, firm, and steadfast, though you may not always feel that way. He will never leave you nor forsake you, though sometimes it will feel as though He has gone quiet and distant. He restores your soul. Yes, this I know. As Marilyn Meburg (@marilynmeburg) said in her “Early Nite Munch” on Twitter last night, “How does our sweet shepherd restore our soul? It’s after we have emptied the contents of our hurt and He’s still listening. He holds our quivering mass of uncertainty in His hands and whispers “I love you, I love you, I love you.”\n

That’s the best I can offer in this saddest of all circumstances. This I do know…it’s ok to not know what to say or do. But, at least try to say or do something. Even if it’s just a sincere, “I’m so sorry.”  This is not my story to tell, so I will not identify my friend or her son. But please…lift this mother who lost her boy and his girlfriend in the most unimaginable way…lift them in prayer and ask God to wrap them in His feathered wings as they take each next step on this arduous journey. God knows who they are.

\n

And…tell your loves that you love them. ❤

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-31T01:30:44-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/31/when-the-unthinkable-happens.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/12/the-pillar-of-truth.html", "title": "The Pillar of Truth", "content_html": "
\n\"The\n
    “The Legend if the Pillar of Truth”
\n
\n
“Now, faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1 KJV
\nOnce upon a time, in a beautiful palace in Heaven, the was a crystal pillar resting on a stand. It was The Pillar of Truth. There were no flaws within this crystal and every angle reflected the perfect truth to its observers. This was a cherished object in Heaven. There were a band of angels whose job it was to polish this stunning pillar til it glistened in the sunlight that filtered into the palace.\n

On occasion, a novice pillar polisher would be needed and some young angel would get the opportunity to become an apprentice. This was a great honor, as all of the truth was held within this stone. The angels took their assignment quite seriously.

\n

One day, a new novice crept into the pillar room to gaze upon the glorious piece. She couldn’t get enough of it during the long hours of polishing so she had to come in alone while the other angels were sleeping. As she stared into the depths of the crystal, she felt she could literally reach inside and learn vast, great things. She reached out and placed her hand on the cold surface and could feel the energy within. She was mesmerized. When she finally pulled her hand away, she could see a distinct smudge on the surface and she was appalled. She whipped out her polishing cloth and rushed forward to wipe away the mess she had made.

\n

As the little angel plunged forward, her toe caught on the hem of her robe and she stumbled into the pillar. It rocked and tipped. She stood there and held her breath, hoping it would right itself, but instead…the great Pillar of Truth tipped over, crashing onto the marble floor into a million gazillion tiny slivers. Oh! What ever was she going to do? Surely the sound of the great crash would bring the other angels running in any minute! She ran to the closet and grabbed a large broom and began to sweep the tiny shards out the door of the palace where they fell onto the surface of a cloud.

\n

As the slivers built up within the cloud, moisture began to gather on them and just as the last dustpan full of shards were dropped onto the cloud, a great strike of lightning and clap of thunder resounded throughout Heaven and a heavy rain began to shower earth.

\n

As the rain came down, everyone on earth came out to look in awe, because every drop of rain held a rainbow…a prism of light reflected off the tiny slivers of The Pillar of Truth. They held their faces up to the warm rain and when they did so, the tiny shards from the pillar pierced their eyes. They felt no pain, but they knew something was different. They knew, without a shadow of a doubt that what they saw, what they knew, what they had learned, and what they believed was THE truth. The ONLY truth

\n

And this is how it happened that people all over the world, in every walk of life, in every faith, with every dogma came to believe that their way was the ONLY way. That others were wrong if they believed differently. This perceived “truth” fractured the world and caused deep rifts between the many factions of society.

\n

I am a Christian. This is how I identify. I love the Lord. I follow Him as best I can. I know I will differ with some. There are many paths in this world. I choose the one with Jesus. I am willing to share mine. I am willing to learn of yours. And, I will not ever tell you you are wrong and only I am right. As far as I know, there has not been a team of investigative journalists go to Heaven, document how it all works, and come back with the evidence. For me, personally…I have faith that there is a Heaven. I believe Hell is the complete absence of God…a place I have been and never wish to return to.

\n

Every branch of Christianity, every walk of faith thinks their way is the only way. They all have a shard from The Pillar of Truth in their eye. What is the exact answer? This is where faith come in. ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-12T01:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/12/the-pillar-of-truth.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Courage","Presence","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/07/02/making-room-for-god.html", "title": "Making Room For God", "content_html": "

\"Sunset “Sunset over The Ponderosa”

\n
“Yet another said, \"I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.\" Jesus said to him, \"No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.\"”\n‭‭Luke‬ ‭9:61-62‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\nWe lead such busy lives these days. Honestly, I’m not sure how I accomplished all this AND worked 60 hours a week AND all that comes with kids, grandkids, a husband, a house, and a dog. Things slipped through the cracks all the time. Papers piled up, as did the dishes and the laundry. Bills were occasionally overlooked and late. I did everything half-a$$ed and nothing especially well. The one thing I didn’t do was have a relationship with God.\n

Oh, it’s not like I ignored Him completely. I was always whispering to him with requests. “Please, Lord” this and “Please Lord” that. But to actually invest myself in a relationship? Not a chance. I didn’t have time. I put Him on the back burner like the quilt I was going to finish and never did.

\n

Then, my life started unraveling. “I” started unraveling and it wasn’t till I hit rock bottom that I said “Ok, ok…I surrender!” And even then…I wanted God on MY terms. I wanted to go to church when it was convenient. I wanted to LOOK like a Christian but I didn’t really want to pay the price for the privilege.

\n

We had a guest pastor at church yesterday. Pastor Pace spoke on “filling this house”. And before we can fill this “house”, we have to fill ourselves. His three points in summary were…

\n

We have to acknowledge a NEED for Jesus.

\n

We have to acknowledge the COST to us of our faith.

\n

And, we have to seek a relationship with Christ.

\n

He asked us…if Jesus was creating a Facebook profile and we were writing it, how would we describe him? Do we have a sort of latte-sipping vision of Jesus? Meek, docile, roaming from town to town speaking encouraging words to the masses? Pastor Pace said he sees Jesus as an adventurer, muscular and wiry. He was a visionary, and revolutionary figure. He walked into places and turned the status quo upside down. He was powerful and perfect, loving and kind. He sought out the least of society. He healed with nothing more than the touch of His garment. He was someone people followed.

\n

The pastor went on to say there were those who pledged to follow Jesus…but. “I will follow you…but let me bury my father.” “I will follow you…but let me say goodbye to the people in my house. Jesus wasn’t interested in those who would not drop what they were doing and immediately go with Him. He wants us to be “full on” followers. But we can’t do it with commitment alone.

\n

If we aren’t fully vested in following Jesus, committing ourselves to more faith won’t work. The strongest place to meet Jesus is in surrender. Fully surrendering acknowledges the NEED. It acknowledges the COST to us. And, it seeks a true relationship.

\n

I loved the visual at the end of the message. Pastor Pace had us stand up and raise our hands if we wanted to truly surrender and step into a relationship like never before. He had us move back in our rows as far as we could. And on the count of three, take a step forward. All of us…hands raised…took that step forward. Moments like that…that statement of faith…are so beautiful and touching. It was lovely to see all across the church…everyone doing the same thing. And to feel equally yoked with a partner who shares my faith makes me feel stronger and more grounded. That…relationship. That…give and take. Having each other’s back. It feels so good. ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-07-02T01:30:04-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/07/02/making-room-for-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/26/killing-the-spider.html", "title": "Killing the Spider", "content_html": "\"\"\n
“In that day you will ask nothing of me. Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.”\n‭‭John‬ ‭16:23-24‬ ‭ESV‬‬
\nI used to hear “Wouldn’t it be awesome if people wouldn’t leave their houses without their Bibles like they worry about forgetting their cellphones?” Now, unless you have a phone from the stone ages, you can download the Bible app and have it with you wherever you go.\n

I had the app on my phone for a long time before I regularly used it. I guess I sort of thought I would absorb it by osmosis or something. But, like taking a necessary medication, it doesn’t work if you leave it on the shelf. You have to do your part and read.

\n

Along with the Bible app comes a feature that allows you to participate in devotionals. You can gather groups to do these devotionals with you. My small group at church does this together. It’s nice having a sense of community and having some accountability to study the Word every day. I actually participate in several devotionals. One I really enjoy comes by e-mail from the Proverbs 31 Ministry. Yesterday morning, I received one written by Carlos Whittaker entitled “Kill the Spider”. Carlos was about to attend a weeklong “therapy” session but told his dad he was going on a “retreat”. It sounded gentler. His father, being a minister, said he wanted to tell him a story. He had once held a week long Revival in Panama. A woman came forward, painstakingly slow, and asked that he pray to have the cobwebs removed from her life. He prayed fervently for her. The next night, the same woman came forward, a bit more energetically, and requested the same prayer. Hesitating, he did so. By the third night, the woman was much improved, but again, asked for the cobwebs to be removed from her life. He stopped and said, “I think we are praying for the wrong thing.” He bowed his head and said, “Lord, please come kill the spider that is creating cobwebs in this woman’s life!”

\n

What a wonderful lesson this was. We all have cobwebs. We all have spiders. It doesn’t make any sense to pray for the removal of the cobwebs…the after effects of the spiders in our lives. We must eradicate the spiders…those people and circumstances that are causing the problems we have to clean up after. Sometimes we just have to clean house and get rid of the spiders. I shared this with a couple of my friends yesterday who remarked that sometimes they have tarantulas! So true!

\n

What spiders are filling your lives with cobwebs today? Do you want to keep sweeping out the corners, or are you ready to kill the spider? As Carlos reminds us, we have the same power within us that rolled away the stone. Draw on that power. Believe in that power and it is amazing what changes God can bring about in your life. ❤

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-26T01:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/26/killing-the-spider.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","Grace","God","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/22/thank-you-god.html", "title": "Thank You, God!", "content_html": "

\"Ice “Ice Cream and Miracles!”

\n
“When that day comes, you won’t ask me any more questions. I can guarantee this truth: If you ask the Father for anything in my name, he will give it to you.”\n‭‭John‬ ‭16:23‬ ‭GW‬‬
\nThe doctor came in and said all the worrisome tissue was removed and from his experience, he was sure the tumor is benign. No lifting or raising my arms for a few days. No shower for 48 hours then just gentle cleansing for two weeks. The skin was closed with SuperGlue with dissolving stitches in the layers below. No riding mower, pool, or hot tub for two weeks. I have to wear a tight sports bra for support and compression for the next few weeks.\n

On the way home, there was a terribly hard rain with localized flooding. We went north to take the interstate and avoid the flooded roads in town. As soon as we pulled on the highway, it started raining so hard the windshield wipers could not keep up. There were cars pulled off with their flashers on. We turned ours on and crept along. I grabbed the cross I have hanging in the truck and said, “Jesus! Take this storm away!!!” I kid you not, we didn’t drive fifty more feet and the sky immediately lightened up and the rain nearly stopped!

\n

We stopped on the way home and bought ice cream. The surgeon told me he had injected the surgical site with lidocaine so it wouldn’t smack me with pain when I first woke up. By the time we got home it was wearing off, so I ate my ice cream, took a pain pill, and went to bed. The pathology report will be back by the middle of next week then I follow up with the surgeon a couple of days before I head to Colorado.

\n

When we got home, there was NO water in the basement!

\n

Thank you all so much for your love and prayers.

\n

God is SO good!!! ❤️

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-22T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/22/thank-you-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/21/flying-my-kite.html", "title": "Flying My Kite", "content_html": "

\"Flying “God is the tail of my kite…He anchors me.”

\n
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”\n‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭KJV‬‬
\nWhen I was a little girl, my daddy always brought me a paper kite at the beginning of summer vacation. It was in a long, narrow plastic sleeve. You got two flat sticks, one long...one shorter...with slots cut in each end. You got a sheet of thin paper and some string. You fastened the two sticks in a cross shape first. Then you stretched your string around from end to end of the sticks, making a kite-shaped frame. You laid the frame on the paper and folded the edges over the string and glued them closed. Once the glue was dried, you attached string loosely from top to bottom and from side to side so you had something to attach the kite to the kite string with. The last thing you did was affix a tail. They didn’t give you this. You usually used some scrap material you had handy. You tore the material into two or three long strips about an inch wide. You cut one or two of the long strips into shorter pieces...maybe 4-5” long. These you tied every 6 inches or so down the long strip. Then you attached that long strip to the bottom of your kite and it became the tail.\n

Have you ever tried to fly a kite without a tail? You can’t. The wind picks it up then it goes around and around in frantic circles until it crashes down to the ground. My dad taught me you had to have an anchor so your kite would fly high and true.

\n

Life is like that, isn’t it? You need something to anchor you in life or you just go around and around in circles. I spent a lot of my life unanchored. I crashed and crashed and crashed…over and over. I have heard it said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.” If this is true, how many of us are “insane”?

\n

The secret to flying a kite successfully is letting go. You send the kite up in the air till the wind catches it, then you hold on to this little, tiny string. Not too tight…not too loose. You let the string out as the wind lifts the kite higher and higher. The anchor kept the kite upright and steady.

\n

In my life, I found the only logical thing to do was to make God my anchor. It was He who was the most reliable. He wasn’t going anywhere. I had to participate. I had to hold the string and keep a watch on it as best I could. I had to do what I could to steer it from hazards like trees and electrical wires. I had to learn when to let it out, and when to reel it back. But, I had to let go of the tail. I had to let God do His thing so I could fly high and strong.

\n

Today, I am having surgery. It’s not big deal, really. It’s called a “wire-guided excisional biopsy of the right breast”. This lump will be removed and sent to the lab where it will be prepared and observed under a microscope. The pathologist will review the slides and a diagnosis will be given. I am firmly convinced it is benign and we are just exercising an abundance of caution. That being said, no surgery is without risks and I will be getting general anesthesia. I’m not worried though. Because…I understand the risks, I have confidence in my doctors, and I have a really strong tail on my kite. God has this. If it’s good news…awesome. I’m done with it and can get on with my life. If it’s bad news, then God will use whatever comes my way to teach me, mold me, humble me, and remind me to come to Him when things are hard. It really is that simple.

\n

I know this because I have faith. ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-21T01:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/21/flying-my-kite.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/17/drink-coffeepray-boldly.html", "title": "Drink Coffee...Pray Boldly", "content_html": "

\"Prayer “Pray BOLDLY at every opportunity…even at coffee with the girls.”

\n
“If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who “worry their prayers” are like wind-whipped waves. Don’t think you’re going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.”\n‭‭James‬ ‭1:5-8‬ ‭MSG‬‬
\nYesterday was coffee day with the girls...those magnificent ‘71 Divas from my high school class. We didn’t all know each other in high school. We really became most acquainted through Facebook and efforts to gather as many classmates as possible for class reunions, dinners, picnics, and the like. We are, all to often it seems, meeting at funeral homes anymore. I decided four years ago us gals need to get together and form a tribe...a sense of community of the feminine...when I came back to West Virginia to live. Now, we look at our monthly meetings as caffeine fueled talk therapy and I’ve seldom missed it.\n

There weren’t as many gals gathered yesterday. Illness, hospitalization, vacations, and general summer business kept many of our regulars away. There were also a few who came that don’t get to attend very often. It’s always a different group but the dynamic is the same. We are there to have fun, let our hair down, laugh a lot, and offer support to one another as we learn what’s new in each other’s lives.

\n

My friend Diane came and brought me one-third of my birthday present. She called the other day and wanted to meet up with me. We had a miscommunication and she ended up waiting for 45 minutes out at the farm and when it got too hot and I didn’t show up, she went home. She had to take my gifts with her…two-thirds of which were perishable. Yesterday, she gave me my card. Imagine my dismay when I learned of the flowers and chocolate covered strawberries she had brought me Wednesday! I felt so awful about that…she went to so much trouble. But, we laughed it off. She gave the flowers to a friend she had dinner with that night and ate the strawberries on the way home so all was not lost!

\n

When the majority of the gals had left for the day, my friend Lisa and I sat and talked to one of our friends who hung behind. She confided that we looked like someone who could help her. She had a prayer request. We talked about it a while, offering advice and comfort. When she asked for prayers, Lisa (you remember her from a previous post a month or two ago) took our friend’s hand and said, “Well, let’s just pray now.” The three of us sat in a very public area of the historic hotel where we gather, held hands and prayed together. Boldly. Unashamed. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even think about it until later.

\n

There was a time in my life when I looked at people praying over their meal in a restaurant or holding hands together in public, praying, and I felt…I don’t know…uncomfortable, self-conscious, embarrassed for them? I was decidedly unenlightened in those days yet I thought I was SO evolved. In the last several years, I have become much bolder with prayer. There is no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed to offer prayer anytime the Spirit moves you or you are asked. I was really happy to be able to pray with my friends. I always ask God to bring me more prayer opportunities and the bravery to carry them out. It is an honor and a privilege.

\n

Today is Father’s Day. For some of you, it is the first without your loved one and the firsts are hard…and sometimes the third and the tenth and….. Please know that I will pray boldly for you today that you know God is with you to offer comfort and solace in your broken places. You are so loved! ❤

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-17T01:30:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/17/drink-coffeepray-boldly.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Wisdom","Courage","Humbled","Presence","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/12/the-long-way-round.html", "title": "The Long Way ‘Round", "content_html": "

\"Church “This is how we party…lifting up the name of Jesus!”

\n
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\nI was so tired Sunday night and didn’t write a post because I went to church twice and spent the afternoon with family. Sunday night, our church celebrated it’s third birthday. They started out with a little over a hundred people and met in an area restaurant. Now there are four services every Sunday and well over 2,000 people who attend. That kind of growth in a church today is unusual. The forward-thinking pastors of our church were given a vision of creating a different kind of church. One where everyone would be welcome. A come-as-you-are kind of place. A church home that greets you at the door with high-fives and holding up signs in the parking lot with messages like “You made it!” and “Come sit with us!”\n

The Sunday evening service was a true celebration and the volunteers were honored for all their hard work. There was an extended worship and the praise team plays this one song that really gets people up and excited. “This is How We Party” by Equippers Revolution is upbeat and fun and lifts up the name of Jesus. Everyone in the place was up on their feet dancing and joyous, arms stretched up, praising. We ended by taking Communion. I get chill-bumps when I go there.

\n

I had never been to a church like this before. Most of the sermons I ever sat through as a kid had me counting the moments before it was time to get the heck out of there. Therefore, as an adult, I went as far away from Christianity as I could get. I started going to a contemporary church service with my dear friends Bob and Ellie when I became a Christian. There is a particular church in Denver I love as well. But I was concerned when I moved to West Virginia. I wasn’t sure I would find the kind of church I had become accustomed to. And it took a while. I church shopped for over a year before I found this one. I literally stumbled upon it. Or was I led? More likely the latter.

\n

I jumped and danced so much Sunday, I was exhausted. But exhilarated. Too many churches are dying because they do not appeal to the younger generations. This church has a vibrant, well-attended youth ministry. A large portion of the building is dedicated to children’s classes. This is the first time in my life that I have looked forward to going to church every Sunday. I really, really miss it if we can’t get there. I love that church is fun. That I can celebrate my relationship with Jesus surrounded by a loving, supportive church family. I love that every single weekend, the message speaks to me personally. I feel the Holy Spirit move there.

\n

I think of my grandparents and the little white church on the hill. These services aren’t anything like theirs. They truly wouldn’t understand what was happening. You never danced and shouted in church back then save for the occasional well-placed “Amen!” Even with all that, I think my grandma would be so happy that I have become a Christian. I came to Jesus the long way ‘round. I wish she could see the woman I’ve become. My mom, too. I’ll see them someday and tell them all about it. ❤

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-12T01:30:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/12/the-long-way-round.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/06/here-she-comes.html", "title": "Here She Comes", "content_html": "

\"Here “Coming or going…it’s a matter of perspective.”

\n

A friend of ours from high school is laying his wife to rest today. She struggled for quite some time with COPD. There were many times we thought we were going to lose her. She went in the hospital for the last time five long months ago. In and out of ICU. Ups and downs…crisis after crisis…this family held on to every hope that their mom would come home. That his wife of 38 years would again sit by his side. A couple of weeks ago there was a picture on Facebook…she was sitting up. She was eating dinner. She was hugging her kids and grandkids. She was smiling into the camera. Thinner…but recognizable. Tired…but hopeful. She had rallied and again, the hope was raised. But, alas…it wasn’t to be. The last crisis came and she was just worn out. It was too much for her tired body and she went to her heavenly home.

\n

We went to the funeral home yesterday to pay our respects. I hugged our friend close. I told him I knew he was heartbroken. I told him I knew she was just worn out. He knows I’ve walked this path. He knows he can reach out to me if he needs a shoulder…someone who knows.

\n

In the meantime, I’ll write this…these things I wish I’d known. These things I wish someone had told me. These things I have learned. Perhaps he will read them one of these days in the dark of night when he is feeling that deep pain and know…he’s not alone.

\n

To my dear friend…

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I want you to know how sorry I am for your loss. You will hear that a lot. You will also hear a lot of other things. You will wonder how on earth people can say things like “She’s in a better place.” or “At least she isn’t suffering.” or “I know what you are going through. My dog died last year.” You don’t need people to tell you such things, but they will. Please remember, they mean well. They haven’t walked this path. They don’t really know. Smile and say thank you and let it go. They don’t mean to cause you pain.

\n

Some people won’t say anything at all and that will hurt even more. It’s not because they don’t care. It’s because they don’t know what to say. They don’t want to hurt you and say the wrong thing…so they say nothing. Try not to take it personally.

\n

Some people who have been your friend forever will disappear. This is the nature of this process. Some people cannot tolerate grief and pain. It hits too close to home for them. Let them go. Wish them well in your heart and turn to those who ARE there for you.

\n

Take your time. Don’t make rash decisions. You are likely having difficulty remembering things. You can’t keep track of time or the sequence of events. You can’t remember who called or who was at the funeral or what you did with those important papers you had just yesterday. Let your loved ones help you. Ask for help when you need it. Keep a notebook with you…in your pocket. Write down who you called and when. Write down the name and number of that person who said “Call me anytime.” Then call…anytime. But rotate your list so you aren’t relying on the same people over and over and over.

\n

Take care of yourself. Try to eat right. Try to get rest. Try to exercise. It’s ok to “mattress surf” once in a while and spend the day in bed with a magazine…but never two in a row. Get up, shower, brush your teeth, and make your bed. You are far less likely to crawl back in if you make it right away. Clean your kitchen sink. It’s amazing what a clean sink can do as far as leading to the next thing. Avoid consuming alcohol or drugs. These might make you feel a little better in the moment, but it will only mask your pain. I don’t suggest jumping into another relationship too fast, either. Give yourself some time.

\n

Unprocessed grief will fester. Let it out. Talk to a trusted friend or family member, clergy person, or a grief therapist. Keeping a journal helps you sort out your feelings.

\n

Grief changes you. You will never be the same person as you were before you lost your wife. But that does not mean there is no hope. There is so much to be hopeful for. Right now all the days are dark and you think you will never feel joy again, but you will, my friend. There will come a time when you think of her and smile instead of feeling that stabbing pain in your heart. There will come a day when you don’t cry. Color will come back into your life. It takes time.

\n

You aren’t alone. You aren’t crazy. You are grieving. It’s normal. Just feel your feelings. I know guys don’t express their feelings like us gals do, but try to let it out. You’ll feel better.

\n

This is a scary, lonely time. You may even feel some sense of relief that it’s over and on the heels of that thought may come guilt and shame. Don’t do that to yourself. You have been traumatized. You have watched things that most of us cannot even imagine. Be gentle with yourself.

\n

Pray. Draw closer to God. Let Him carry your burdens when they are too heavy. Trust me…things will get better. They will get worse before they get better. Grief comes in waves. You’ll be doing better then the waves will catch you. They threaten to drown you but soon you will learn to anticipate them. You will learn to lean into them and know the seas are calmer on the other side.

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In the picture above…is the sailboat coming, or going? It is a matter of perspective. We see it going, but Jesus says, “Here she comes.” Trust that. And know…you are loved. ❤

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“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭34:18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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(Inspired by the poem “Gone From My Sight” by Henry Van Dyke.)

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-06T01:30:11-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/06/here-she-comes.html", "tags": ["Grief","Hope","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/06/04/grace.html", "title": "Grace", "content_html": "

\"Scripture “Live a life worthy of the calling you have been given.” Ephesians 4:1

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My daughters hit the jackpot when they chose their mates. Both well suited for their personalities and life goals. I remember when Daughter #1 was dating her husband twenty-some years ago. He and I ran to the store one day and there was a couple walking ahead of us. They wore black leather and had multiple tattoos and piercings. Their hair was spiked all over. I slipped my hand through my future son-in-law’s arm and said, “Ahhhhh, there but for the grace of God. I’m so happy she chose you.” Then, Daughter #2 became the one with multiple tattoos and weird color hair. I looked down at the “strange” people and my beautiful daughter, who has always danced to her own music, chose a highly unconventional lifestyle. That, my dears, is Karma.

\n

Our guest Pastor yesterday spoke about Grace. Grace is the opposite of Karma. Karma is…you get what you deserve. “What goes around, comes around.” God’s Grace is…”I will look past your flaws and love you AND I will not give you what you truly deserve.” It was an inspiring sermon.

\n

I woke up late yesterday and the thought went through my mind to just skip church. Just turn over and go back to sleep. Have a lazy day. Fix a nice breakfast. Then I read a tweet from a gal I follow. She always has a Morning Munch and Night Owl Nugget…a scripture with a comment. Short and sweet. Yesterday’s tweet was the scripture above. It didn’t shame me. It motivated me. We are called to do great things. We should live a life that is worthy of that calling. I know I feel better when I’ve gone to church. I feel that sense of community. And I always hear exactly what I need to hear in the present moment. Here’s how I know the Holy Spirit speaks to me. Because, the guest speaker spoke on Grace. When he got to the end of his sermon…he spoke these exact words. “Live a life worthy of the calling you have been given.”

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Chills.

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I love when that happens. When I know exactly when God speaks to me. I’ve been struggling a little the last couple of weeks. I know it’s a grief wave. And, I know it is exacerbated by the fact that I got my Medicare card and my 65th birthday is right around the corner. I’ve also had a few medical things going on that we’re checking out. Nothing serious, I don’t think. But some tests that I’m not looking forward to. It’s life. These things happen. But grief has changed my coping skills. Some are better. Some are worse. Knowing that God was teaching me, in that moment, to live a life that is worthy, not only of the calling I’ve been given, but of the GRACE I’ve been granted.

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Some of you write the most lovely comments here. You say things like “You have a way with words.” And, “It’s like you’re in my head. You say what I am thinking and can’t articulate.” I am here to tell you…that is the Grace of God. I am not that talented of a writer. I came so very close to flunking senior English in high school. God has graced me with the words He wants me to say. Everything I have, everything I do…everything I AM is because of the Grace of God. I am alive today because of the Grace of God. I have a beautiful family because of the Grace of God. I found love after loss because of the Grace of God.

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“There, but for the Grace of God, go I.” I never want to forget that. ❤

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“…live a life worthy of the calling you have received.”\n‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-06-04T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/06/04/grace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/31/the-power-of-words.html", "title": "The Power of Words", "content_html": "

\"Shhhhhhhh\" “Shhhhhh…..”

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Events of the last couple of years, and certainly the last week, have demonstrated the absolute destructive power of the spoken word. Caution…I am NOT discussing politics here nor specific individuals or what has been said. What I’m talking about is society’s shift toward having no filter whatsoever. My elderly aunt once said something to me that was downright mean-spirited. When she was done, I just looked at her calmly and said, “You know, that was very mean.” She said, “Yeah, well…it popped into my head so I figured I might as well say it!” Ok…she’s 84 with declining mental faculties. I can forgive that. But some of the things I hear these days makes me want to hold my hands over my ears and go screaming into the night.

\n

Yesterday, one of the news channels out of Denver that I still follow was airing a live video feed of a cow elk in labor and attempting to give birth. It was pretty boring, actually. I mean…how long can to sit and stare at a cow elk laying down, standing up, laying down, standing up, pushing, laying down…you get the picture. There was no “happy ending” coming anytime soon and there had already been sixteen hours of this. I soon bored of watching the elk who was desperately trying to become a mama and started reading the comments people were making.

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I was appalled. What started out innocently enough, ie “Oh, no! Is the mama cow in trouble? This has been going on a long time!” to “You stupid ******* idiot, it’s an elk, not a cow!” to “Veal comes from a boy calf who gets ripped from his mama and kept in the dark and fed only milk.” to “YOU’RE the ******* cow, *****!” Holy cats! It took five minutes to go south. People seem to be of the opinion, like my elderly, slightly dotty aunt, that if it pops in your head, you might as well say it.

\n

People who have seen great commercial success have seen their empires crumble for saying abhorrent things. Men have lost their careers and everything they have built because of things they said. I am NOT standing up for those men who are truly deserving of retribution and I totally think you need to be held accountable for the things that come out of your mouth. But, you have to ask yourself, what would keep a disgruntled employee or associate from claiming such abuse when the accused is actually innocent. You know it happens.

\n

When is it ok to be a racist? The answer is…never. When is it ok to be anti Semitic? The answer is…never. When is it ok to be homophobic and denigrate someone on social media for their sexual preference? The answer is…never. Liberals, conservatives, gay, straight, black, white, and every shade in between…we’re all the same inside. We all bleed red and breathe oxygen. The thing is…I don’t think of it as being “politically correct.” I think of it as being a decent human being with good character. God tells us in the Bible that the tongue has incredible power. We can bring blessings or curses…life or death…light or darkness. All with a muscle the size of a small banana.

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Such power words have. Lifelong scars can happen in an instant. Broken promises. Little white lies. Great big lies. Gossip. Slander. Such damage that can be done without thinking. We see it over and over. You’d think they’d learn, wouldn’t you?

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Proverb 10:19 says…”Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.” Proverbs 15:4 says “The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.” Matthew 15:11 says…”What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them.” The Bible warns over and over and over to hold your tongue. Watch your words. I am as guilty as anyone for speaking before thinking…far too many times. But age and maturity and God’s grace is going far toward helping me keep a rein in on my tongue. And what I miss, God forgives me when I am truly repentant. I hope the next generation learns this. I hope they learn the delicate art of speaking gently. ❤

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“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”\n‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:29‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-05-31T01:30:32-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/31/the-power-of-words.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Anger","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/29/walking-strong.html", "title": "Walking Strong", "content_html": "

\"Scripture\" “Remember, you have supernatural weapons to fight off evil.”

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I woke up in the early hours of the morning, that old familiar churning in the pit of my stomach. Feeling stretched too thin. Since Mr. Virgo died, I have struggled with grief and anxiety periodically. I’ll go long stretches and feel great. Nothing fazes me. Then, when I get over extended with too many obligations, or I get confronted with a memory or event that stirs my grief, I lose my focus.

\n

When I focus on God and put all my trust in Him, I do much better. When I lose that focus, I give Satan wiggle room to weasel his way into my thoughts. It would be different if this only happened once or twice in my life, but this happens over and over and over. Granted, farther apart than it used to but I want it gone for good.

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When I ask God to carry my burdens, he gladly does. I just forget to ask sometimes. That independent woman who thinks I ought to be able to buck up and take care of business gets in my way. I’m finally learning, when these moments occur, I need a good solid dose of Vitamin Jesus. His prescription pad is the Bible. When I turn to His Word for sustenance my anxiety eases. That knot in the pit of my stomach lets go.

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I was in small group from church a couple weeks ago. A strong woman I’ve met a few times was sitting to my right. She told a story about these people who came to her house for a visit. She is a widow and these people brought doom and gloom to her door. They were talking about illness and death and dying and this person was sick and that person died. (I don’t know if it’s a West Virginia thing or a Southern thing or if we get to a certain age, illness and death seem to be the main focus of any conversation.) Well, my new friend was having nothing of it. She said the visit was brief. She walked her guests to the door and once they left, she stood there…waving her arms in the air, pushing all that negative energy right out the door on the heels of those who brought it. She said, out loud, “You aren’t welcome here, Satan. Take your bad energy and thoughts and get right out of my house!” It was a lesson for me…an eye-opening experience.

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So, yesterday morning, when I awoke with that old familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach, instead of feeling sick all day and ruining the poolside BBQ we had planned, I turned to God’s Word for a little dose of Doctor J. I’m doing a 14 day bible study plan with the gals from my small group. It’s based on the work of Joyce Meyer. 2 Corinthians 10:4 was the verse she was discussing yesterday morning.

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We forget to take up our weapons sometimes. We forget these are not the slings and arrows of this world. These weapons have Divine Power. They hold the same Divine Power Jesus used to heal the sick and raise the dead and calm the seas. The very same power. God gave them to us. He sent his Holy Spirit to deliver them the day we gave our lives to follow Christ. These Powers are ours to use to defeat the enemy at every turn. We just have to remember they are there, believe in their strength, and pick them up.

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I love those moments when I turn to God and say, “Help! I’m drowning over here! I can’t do this.” I turn to His Word and he gives me this scripture. I was laying curled up in my bed, sure I was going to have to cancel the day’s fun activities when this started. Within a few moments, I flung the enemy and his stinkin’ thoughts right out the window. I mean, I sat up, physically brushed all that negative crap off of me and went all Pentecostal and said…out loud…”Be gone! Get out of here. You are not welcome in my home and in my life!” Within 10 minutes or so, I felt 100% better. The knot in my stomach was gone. The feeling of dread vanished. The nausea ceased. And I felt like a new person.

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When they say there is power in the name of Jesus, they really aren’t kidding. Demons flee at the sound of His Name. Don’t forget to use that power when you need it. And…walk STRONG! ❤

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“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭10:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-29T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/29/walking-strong.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/18/knitting-at-the-old-campground.html", "title": "Knitting at the Old Campground", "content_html": "

\"Knitting\" “Knitting at the campground.”

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What a wonderful day. Several of us got out a “work in progress” and did some hand work yesterday. One gal was working on a woodcarving. One was crocheting. Two of us were knitting. It was peaceful. These are women of faith so as we worked, we shared stories of our faith walk. We spoke of the many ways God has blessed us, the lessons we have learned along the way. It reminded me of the early farm communities when the women would gather at someone’s home, or the local Grange, and spend the day quilting, cooking, sharing. We don’t get much of that this day and age and I feel the younger generations are sorely missing something. Their lives are so busy…athletic teams, music lessons, social events…young mothers today spend all their free time in cars shuttling the kids to event after event. I wish they had the peace just spending a few hours knitting and chatting with like-minded women could afford them. I hope they don’t wait too long to figure out how important these relationships are. And, these skills.

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I was talking with a friend the other day. If the internet crashed tomorrow, if there was a sudden catastrophe and there was no power grid, the highest prized people would be the ones who know how to hunt, grow, prepare, and preserve food…ie farmers. Simple country folk. We’ve become so dependent on electronics for everything, it’s scary. I’m the first to admit, I am a tech head, but I know how to do the things that need to be done to survive. I worry for our future generations. I want to make sure my girls know how to do the things they need to do to survive beyond the grocery store.

\n

I don’t live a stressful life, by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ve got to tell you…I’m feeling pretty mellow after three nights in TOW-Wanda and hanging with the Girl Campers. ❤️

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“By faith Noah, being warned by God concerning events as yet unseen, in reverent fear constructed an ark for the saving of his household. By this he condemned the world and became an heir of the righteousness that comes by faith.”\n‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-05-18T01:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/18/knitting-at-the-old-campground.html", "tags": ["Travel","TOW-Wanda!","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","goRVing","God","Girl Camper","Girl Campers"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/13/still-praying-together.html", "title": "Still Praying Together", "content_html": "

\"Good “My good friend, Lisa and me.”

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It was the fall of 1960 when I met Lisa. We were in second grade together in Mrs. Alexander’s room. It depends who you talk to. Some say Mrs. Alexander was a sweetheart. Others…not so much. She seemed to have one student every year that was on her black list. Nothing you could do would please her if you were on her dark side…and that is the unenviable position I found myself in during second grade.

\n

She made me nervous. And when I get nervous, I can’t eat. Every day I would try to eat my lunch because every day she saved my lunch tray to show my mom that I wasn’t eating. I always felt like I was in trouble. Mom took me to the doctor and he gave me a “tonic” that I took a spoonful of every day. Together, they decided Mom should pack my lunch. Maybe it was just the school food I didn’t like. But that wasn’t it. Even when I had my favorite foods in my cute little plaid lunch box, I just could not eat.

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One day, before lunch, I was standing in line to wash my hands in the bathroom. My stomach was churning and I knew I was going to have trouble eating. I was praying under my breath, when the little girl in front of me turned around and looked me straight in the eye. It was Lisa.

\n

“Are you praying?” she asked.

\n

I silently nodded my head and cast my eyes downward…ashamed to be in such a dire circumstance.

\n

“What are you praying about?”

\n

“Mrs. Alexander scares me and I can’t eat. Every day I get in trouble because I don’t eat my lunch. She even took me to the office and the Principal spanked me!” My words tumbled over each other as I confessed my self-perceived weakness.

\n

“Well, here…I’ll pray with you.” Lisa wrapped her arm around my shoulder and hugged me close and we both prayed that I could eat again and that Mrs. Alexander would leave me alone.

\n

I was stunned by her kindness. I was relieved beyond words. Someone cared. Someone understood me. Someone wanted to help me. And…it was a little girl I didn’t know. I instantly loved her.

\n

Amazingly, that is the last time I remember the whole lunch fiasco. I don’t remember if my appetite returned, but I do know we moved shortly after that and I started attending a new school. I never had to deal with Mrs. Alexander again.

\n

Lisa and I attended high school together but we didn’t cross paths. We had a huge class and circles sometimes stuck to who you went to junior high with. However, several years later, I ran into Lisa at a high school reunion. She is an associate pastor now. I asked her if she remembered praying with me in the restroom before lunch that autumn day so long ago. But, alas…she did not. You see, Lisa was struck by a car as she crossed the street several years ago and very nearly died of her injuries. It left her with some long term memory loss. She was happy to know she helped me though, and we have become good friends.

\n

Lisa recently suffered a heart attack and we were absolutely thrilled when she came to coffee yesterday with the ‘71 Divas. She looks wonderful, healthy, strong. I couldn’t stop hugging her. She asked how Mr. FixIt was. She went all through school with him. Last year, when she found out we were dating, she literally jumped up out of her chair and threw her hands in the air and praised Jesus.

\n

“If there were anyone in the whole wide world I would want the two of you to have, it would be each other. This is PERFECT!” I couldn’t help but laugh and clap along with her exuberance. Lisa is wonderful. She is a straight shooter. She has seen her share of hardships in this life and has come out a loving, giving, God-centric woman and I love her dearly. I just wanted to share her with you today.

\n

Sending you love and light and prayers for continued good health, my friend. ❤

\n

“Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them."”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:19-20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n

 

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-13T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/13/still-praying-together.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/04/my-life-mosaic.html", "title": "My Life Mosaic", "content_html": "

\"Mosaic “Mosaic of Starry Night by VanGogh”

\n

Every day since Mr. Virgo died, God has handed me a small tile and asked me to put it on a wall in my mind. At first, they were all shades of gray…darkness…shadows…swirls of inky blackness. I dutifully placed each one on the wall as He gave them to me. They made no sense. It was sheer chaos…day after day after day.

\n

Then one day, there was a deep blue tile. I held it in my hand as though I wasn’t sure what “color” was. It had been so long since I had seen any. After a bit of meditation, I placed the dark blue colored tile amid the darker swirls. Some time later, I got another blue, then another, and soon…the tiles became lighter and lighter shades of blue. A pattern seemed to be emerging in the chaos and I could start to see a picture forming.

\n

Curious, I began to run my eyes over the picture. I could see big empty places and I had an idea what I wanted to see there. I began to hold my hands out eagerly for my daily allotment of tiles. By this time, I was getting several a day. Then one day, I got a bright yellow one. It reminded me of something. The sun! Yes!!! I placed the tiles faster and faster. Bigger splashes of color emerged. Golden rays, swirls of deep orange, emphatic points of bright red.

\n

Finally, I thought the picture was finished. I stepped back and looked and saw there were still many empty spots that needed filling, some lines needed correcting. When I looked to my left, I could see familiar scenes…scenes of a life already spent. When I looked to my right, the blank walled stretched further than I could see…it’s terminus shrouded in a foggy mist. I couldn’t see where it ended…but I could sense an ending somewhere over there.

\n

This is my life mosaic. Here are all the experiences of my life up till now. The colors vary with the experiences of the moment. There, about twenty-five years back, was a dark period where I dealt with depression and divorce. There, about five years back, was another dark period when I dealt with the death of Mr. Virgo. All the other scenes are varying degrees of colorful brilliance, cool undertones, staccato spots of joy. It is beautiful and far from being complete. But every day brings me the opportunity to take what God gives me and paint the portrait of my life with it. I’m looking for a brilliant teal, a vibrant spring green, a luscious purple, hot pink. How about you? ❤

\n

“Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-04T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/04/my-life-mosaic.html", "tags": ["Grief","Gratitude","God","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/05/01/god-at-work.html", "title": "God at Work", "content_html": "

\"Power “A power washer in use.”

\n

It never ceases to amaze me at how God works in my life. He has His hand in every area of my life and I can prove it.

\n

First…I had a little medical issue come up. Something we’ve been watching for a while and now it’s to the point of having to investigate further. When I first heart that news, I must admit, a flutter of fear went through me. That was the day “Betty” wrote to me and instructed me to WALK STRONG. To profess Victory over my circumstances because the enemy wiggles in when we profess fear, anger, anxiety. Ever since that moment, I declared there was nothing wrong with me. I gave it to God. Then Sunday night I went to Revival and had Pastor Matt and the folks gathered to pray over me and anoint my head with oil. He declared that I would go to the doctor and everything was going to be benign, that the tumors would even shrivel up.

\n

I’ve read about faith healing before. I’ve heard the stories. I’ve seen charlatans take advantage of people and take their money. But, I’ve known Pastor Matt for a year now and I’ve come to know him as an honest, trustworthy young man and he has never steered me wrong. Yesterday, I went to the surgeon and he looked over everything and said there is only one tumor now and he is 99% sure it’s benign, but we’re going to biopsy it to be certain. Did the anointing change things? Did the prayer? Did my positive attitude and declaration change the course? Or, was the radiologist wrong? Or the family doctor? That is for you to decide. I will tell you this…I am a scientist and I would never ignore a lump in my breast and just pray it away. But the evidence is there…one of the lumps was clearly gone. And the other most assuredly benign. I’ll be happy to have that biopsy and hear that it is benign and all is well. Because, I serve a mighty God.

\n

It’s not just big things like health that God delivers either. Just the other day, I asked Mr. FixIt if he had a power washer. He said yes, but someone had borrowed it and it never worked right since. He thought he would have to take it apart and try to find parts for it in order to make it work. I would really love to power wash the deck around the pool this summer and water seal it, but power washers are expensive. I figured we’d just have to wait another year. In my prayers, I always thank God for His provision of everything I need. Yesterday afternoon, we went to Aldi’s to buy groceries and there…in a GROCERY store…sat a stack of power washers for $149.99!!! Mr. FixIt and I just dropped our jaws and looked at each other. I smiled and said, “The Lord always provides for us, sweetheart. Get another cart!”

\n

I love these stories. I love how these things just happen…over and over and over. It bolsters my faith and keeps me coming back for more. It emboldens me to share with you how absolutely cool God is. There was a time in my writing when I would shy away from ever speaking to you about such things for fear of alienating people. And every time I write these stories, two or three people stop following me. That’s ok…I’m not about the numbers that leave. I’m about the numbers that come. The ones who are led to the page for reasons they can’t even comprehend. Because that’s how God works. He leads us. He taps us on the shoulder. He whispers in our ears. It brings me great joy to listen and be obedient.

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Happy May Day, dear ones! ❤

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“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:19‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-05-01T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/05/01/god-at-work.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/29/eating-my-way-through-the.html", "title": "Eating my Way Through the South", "content_html": "

\"Southern “A Big Southern Breakfast”

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Ok, I literally ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it on this trip and I think I made the right choice. Life is too short. I don’t eat like this all the time…it was vacation!

\n

The last hurrah was in Williamsburg, VA at the Capitol Pancake House. That name alone drew me in. But when I saw the parking lot was full, I knew we had stumbled on something good. I didn’t have to even taste this to know it was going to be over the top delicious. (This photo didn’t catch the short stack of pancakes on the side! Wow!)

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I am telling you what…I learned how they spell “love” in the south. B-A-C-O-N! Or, it is G-R-I-T-S? Either way, this was the icing on the cake, so to speak. It was the best way to close out a stellar vacation. I didn’t have to do anything or be anywhere at a certain time for a whole week. I’m feel relaxed, refreshed, renewed. A huge thank you to Mr. FixIt for sharing so much with me…I had a blast! Thank you God for safe travels! And…truly, is there anything better than crawling back in your own bed??? ❤

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“You will be blessed when you come in and blessed when you go out.”\n‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭28:6‬ ‭NIV‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-04-29T01:30:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/29/eating-my-way-through-the.html", "tags": ["Travel","Fun","Gratitude","Comfort","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/28/saying-goodbye-to-the-obx.html", "title": "Saying Goodbye to the OBX", "content_html": "

\"Sunset\" “Sunset over the Sound, OBX”

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After watching the twenty day forecast for the Outer Banks, Mr. FixIt and I were fully prepared for a cold, cloudy, wet week at the beach. As it turned out, the weather predictions were almost entirely incorrect. We had one day that rained all day. The first day we arrived, I had to wear my down coat on the beach. One afternoon, we had a really great thunderstorm. And, that was it. We couldn’t have asked for a better week. Yesterday was around 70 degrees. A gentle breeze came off the ocean, but it was still warm enough to sit out in the sun in a bathing suit…knitting! I got a little sunburned in the spots I missed with the sunscreen, but overall, it was perfect.

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Last night’s sunset was a true gift. I turned to Mr. FixIt and asked, “How can anyone sit and watch this and think there is no God?” It was the best sunset of the week by far…we only had two that were picture worthy. We are driving all the way home today so we can go to church tomorrow. We don’t want to miss it. And, remember last summer when I went to the Revival? Well, Pastor Matthew is having one this week and I’m going so get ready for some fired up posts in the coming days!

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Get out there this weekend and enjoy the beautiful weather if it’s nice where you are! We only get so many sunsets. ❤

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“The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, you call forth songs of joy.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭65:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-04-28T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/28/saying-goodbye-to-the-obx.html", "tags": ["Travel","Fun","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/17/faith-or-fear.html", "title": "Faith or Fear?", "content_html": "

\"Hands\" “Faith or Fear?”

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I love my readers. And I love how God uses them to teach me things. “Betty” (not her real name) sent me a message yesterday morning. She found a little typo and wanted to let me know. Everyone knows I’m a stickler for good grammar and I have a few who help me catch things when they slip through. She always signs off with “WALK STRONG.” I wrote back that I was trying, but I have a few things I’m facing in the coming weeks that I could use some extra prayers for. Immediately, “Betty” came back with a valuable reminder.

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God is omnipresent…He is everywhere and all powerful. The enemy is not. Our pastor says he is so small, he is under our boot. So he waits. And he listens. He finds weakness and exploits it. When we speak out loud and voice our fear or anger or doubt, he pounces on that and attacks us through our thoughts. So, we have to be careful about the words we confess…over ourselves, our circumstances, each other. “Betty” reminded me in order to defeat the enemy, we have to beat him at his own game and confess positive, Victory, light…all of which are God’s characteristics. She went on to say you have lay your burdens down at the foot of the cross and walk away. Ohhhhh…that is not an easy thing to do!

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“Betty” says…you can have Faith, or you can have fear. You can’t have both…you have to choose. I took that into my situation yesterday. I drove to town professing light, strength, courage, Victory. I laid everything down and walked away and was filled with an incredible sense of peace. “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy…” John 10:10 When you open yourself by confessing fears, you open the door and let the enemy in. “WALK STRONG!” I love that!

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Divine appointments. God makes appointments with us every day. He sends the Holy Spirit to counsel us. In this case, He sent “Betty” with word of a typo that turned into a valuable lesson of Faith for me. It literally changed my day. It doesn’t work if you don’t listen. And it doesn’t work if you don’t obey. This life gig is pretty cool if you think about it. We have this incredible supernatural Father that loves us, craves interaction with us, sends a Spirit to coach us and teach us and, dare I say, scold us when we need it. And all we have to do is trust, and believe, and listen, and follow directions. Amazing!

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Who is your “Betty” today? ❤

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“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”\n‭‭John‬ ‭10:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-04-17T01:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/17/faith-or-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Fear","Courage","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/05/standing-on-the-edge.html", "title": "Standing on the Edge", "content_html": "

\"Holding “The Sweetest Love”

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Ever since I changed my Twitter handle to @GriefMaven, I’ve been meeting the coolest people in the grief support community. I have had more interaction and made more connections in the last month than I did in all of the five years prior. I have to admit, I didn’t really “get” Twitter. You send some random thought out, you throw a few hashtags with it in the hopes someone else is interested in said hashtagged subjects, then they like your Tweet. Maybe you get the cherished “Retweet” where they like it so much, they send it on. Or…the Holy Grail of Tweetdom…they FOLLOW you! They like you enough to watch what you’ll say next. I get it now. You can truly build a community in Twitter and I must say I am enjoying it tremendously. It’s an excellent platform to build each other up.

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In the process of tweeting and retweeting, I find writers I may not have found otherwise. Such is the case of Catherine Tidd. She wrote a guest post on Hello Grief (hellogrief.org) about dating. The horse has already left the barn for me, but some of you may be thinking about dating again. If so, I couldn’t have written a better article about it that Catherine did with “Time to Cast the Line”. (I’ll leave the link at the bottom of this post.)

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Ever since I started dating Mr. FixIt, there has been this deep “feeling” I haven’t been able to express. It flits to the surface on occasion and I stuff it back down because people might not understand. Heck…even I don’t understand. So I stuff it back down, feeling like I should be celebrating something but can’t let myself. Catherine’s article articulates what I’ve been feeling so well, so I’ll just share it here. And then we’ll discuss it.

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This is the best relationship I have ever been in.

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There. I’ve said it. It’s the best, really. It’s deeper. It’s broader. It’s lighter. It’s easier. It’s filled with love and laughter and light and God. I was so afraid admitting this would somehow be disrespectful of what I had before. So, what does that mean about my marriage? My relationship with Mr. Virgo? Our life and love?

\n

Absolutely. Nothing.

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You know why? Because I’m not the same woman Mr. Virgo married. I’m not the same woman that lived with him. I’m not the same woman that loved him. I’m so much more now…BECAUSE I had him. BECAUSE I was married to him. BECAUSE I loved him. And…BECAUSE he died. I hate when people tell you everything happens for a reason. My friend, Debbie Weiss (@thehungoverwidow) says she hates when someone says everything happens for a reason, as if her husband’s death was necessary to stave off a plague of frogs. (Read her…she’s funny!)

\n

I didn’t have to lose Mr. Virgo to gain some sort of amazing insight into my existence. I didn’t have to lose him to achieve a grand level of personal growth. But…those things happened, and I’m a different person than I was before. (Remember my pickle/cucumber analogy?) Like Catherine says in her article…who knows if Mr. Virgo would even LIKE who I am now? I’m stronger and much more outspoken. I’m a hundred times more independent. When I want to pick up and go…I go. He told me from the outset that he didn’t date women who wanted to pick up and go. He wanted someone who would be there with him. So…I was there. I don’t regret it. Not for a minute. But I’m not that same person. And, fortunately, Mr. FixIt knows that and understands me.

\n

I could never find another man like Mr. Virgo. And if I did, maybe it wouldn’t work for me in this incarnation of myself. Does that mean I don’t still love him. Of course not. Does it mean I’ve “gotten over him?” Oh, h*** no! You don’t ever “get over” someone you loved with the white hot heat of the sun. But the sun is shining again. And…the sun shines bright now because I longed for the sun…I was so ready for the sun…I will cherish every moment I can get in the sun.

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It’s ok if you don’t ever want to date again. I am behind you 100%. Some people are just happy as little clams to not be bothered. Good for you! You know yourself and that is awesome. But, if you feel…even a little bit…that you miss the companionship of another, the warmth of another, the humor of another….don’t be afraid. There are good men out there. There really are. Mr. FixIt is proof of that. This is the best…really. ❤️

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www.hellogrief.org/time-to-c…

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“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.”\n‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:16-19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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#love, #MovingForward, #relationships

\n", "date_published": "2018-04-05T01:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/05/standing-on-the-edge.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Courage","Choices","Change","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/04/01/he-is-risen.html", "title": "He is Risen!", "content_html": "

\"Resurrection “He is Risen!”

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May you Rejoice and have a Blessed Easter. What was once nothing more than a Hallmark holiday for me has become a day of Rejoicing in the Risen Christ. Mr. FixIt and I went to church last night. They offered two services yesterday and two today. We felt Saturday would be less crowded. Wow…were we wrong! There wasn’t a seat in the place at the 5:00 service. The Worship Team outdid themselves and Pastor Justin gave an amazing message about just exactly WHO Jesus really is. It was wonderful!

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If you are a practicing Jew, this is the Passover season. I hope you enjoyed your Seders with friends and family and that your brisket was tender! I was a practicing Jew for 27 years. I organized the Seders for our small town. In 1986, we had 10 people. By the time I quit organizing them ten years later, 75 people attended. I had to finally give it over to a committee because it became too much. People brought side dishes and helped, but they always wanted me to make my famous Matzo Ball Soup and the Charoset and the Brisket and the Kugel. One year I even made homemade Gefilte Fish. It was a ton of work but there is nothing quite so fulfilling as feeding crowds their favorite holiday dishes.

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I met my writing deadlines last week. Now it’s time to get those taxes done so it’s back to the farm tonight where I can spread out my papers without distraction. I’ve made continued progress on copying content over to the website. I wish I would have listened to my gut instincts four years ago and built the website then so I wouldn’t have this backlog. But, hindsight is 20/20. It will be great when everything is on the web page because you’ll be able to look back at the early posts more easily. When new widows come on board, they may not find posts they can relate to in my current writing. So I want them to have easy access to relatable topics.

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It’s April…can you believe that??? My Pop-Pop was born 119 years ago. He died when he was 72. I had just graduated from high school and it was my first experience with death. My Grandma was so strong. She lost a son 15 years before in a plane crash. I miss them so much. Their farm offers me solace and it’s such a peaceful place to write.

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Enjoy this beautiful spring day! ❤️

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“They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus.”\n‭‭Luke‬ ‭24:2-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-04-01T01:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/04/01/he-is-risen.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","Hope","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/21/my-source-of-peace.html", "title": "My Source of Peace", "content_html": "

\"Source “The Lord is my refuge, my source of Peace.”

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I worked again yesterday copying my posts from the Marshmallow Ranch Facebook page over to www.marshmallowranch.com. I feel this sense of urgency to get that finished, especially with the negative press FB has been receiving of late. In the past, diving back into my early writings took me to dark places I really had no business visiting very often. I remember during the first year after becoming a widow, I took TOW-Wanda to southwest Colorado and parked her on my dear friend Sue’s ten acres overlooking Mesa Verde. Sue is my yogi earth mother friend who holds me in her heart from long distances in space and time. We just have this beautiful connection. I remember sitting with her, quietly having tea and watching the abundance of birds at the numerous feeders on her veranda. I was avoiding writing because it was too painful.

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“You must write now…simply BECAUSE it is painful. If you wait too long, you will lose your voice. The angst will be healed and we will miss feeling your heart in your words.”

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As I’m copying my early work, I can see what she means. I read the emotions in every word. The ups. The downs. The mask of happiness. The mask of relationships. The mask of strength. Inside I was screaming down the hallways of my 3:00 mind, jiggling doorknobs…desperate to get out of that hell I found myself in.

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Five years out, I see that pain differently. I see the place when I started finding my refuge in God. When I truly learned to seek His face…His peace. I remember clearly the day I heard the Holy Spirit whisper, “You must tell them where you find your peace.” I remember clearly arguing with Him and saying, “Oh, no…I really don’t!” And…as in most arguments I have with God…He won.

\n

I try to walk my faith out in my writing without beating people over the head with it. My grandma always said you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. I cannot change anyone’s views on faith. I don’t even try. I just tell you how I feel. I tell you what has worked for me. I tell you where I find my peace. I lay it all down here. Pick it up. Don’t pick it up. That’s not for me to decide. I know there are people who grieve without faith. I will never criticize another’s walk. I have enough trouble walking my own path. Personally, I cannot imagine doing this without God. He has brought me great comfort and peace. He is my refuge. But I love you and embrace you no matter what your grief walk looks like. I just pray my words help you in some way.

\n

Grief is like wearing a pair of stiff leather shoes without socks…maybe with some gravel in them. Every step hurts worse than the last. You get blisters that break open and bleed. There are times you can barely walk for the pain. At some point, you think to shake the gravel out…like when I stopped looking at pictures of my dead husband in his casket. There…that’s a little easier. Then in time, you think maybe bandaids will fix everything and take the pain away…like when I tried dating WAY too soon only to find the wounds festering when I ripped the bandages off. Finally, I thought to ask God to take over and He led me to a cool spring and gave me a thick pair of comfortable wool socks to put on. Ahhhhh…..MUCH better. Finally, there comes a time when the leather has conformed, molding and cradling to your feet and carrying you step by step through your life. These worn-in shoes will never fall off…will never wear out. They’ll be there forever, reminding you of how awful they were when you first put them on. And one day, you will look down and smile because they’ll remind you…not so much of the pain, but of the love you walked with before you got them.

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They become love shoes. ❤️

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““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””\n‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-21T01:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/21/my-source-of-peace.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/10/letting-go-of-fear.html", "title": "Letting Go of Fear", "content_html": "

\"Let “Let Go of Fear”

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When I was writing yesterday’s post, I was feeling so overwhelmed. I have the usual stresses of everyday life…dental work that needs to be done, taxes that need to be filed, new brakes and inspection on the truck. Then there are the dead and dying…of which there are far too many. I hadn’t been sleeping well. Mr. FixIt has been busy and tired. I had that all too familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach that I was one crisis away from losing it altogether and I hate that. So I did what needed to be done…I had a good cry and went to church.

\n

Last night was the Annual Women’s Conference at my church. There wasn’t an empty chair in the place. I don’t know if you have ever gone to an all women service before, but if you haven’t…you NEED to. Between the estrogen and Jesus, that place was electric. We have a great praise team and they didn’t disappoint. We played some get-to-know-each-other games. We had a share-your-selfie-on-social-media contest. There were prizes and cookies. Then Pastor Heather spoke about letting faith rise up in us instead of fear, worry, anxiety. She knew her audience. We are women. This is what we do.

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The thing is, by allowing fear to rise up in us instead of faith, we are not letting God do His job. We are trying to do it for Him. When we are standing in the storms of life, it is not our basic instinct to lay back and relax. We start rowing the boat double time. We try to skirt around the storm. We try to ignore the storm. We try to just wait out the storm. The quietest part of a hurricane is the eye. It is windless standing in the center. When we let go and let faith rise up in us, God sets us down in the eye where we are protected from the storm’s fury. In the meantime, we get out of God’s way so He can do His work.

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By the end of the evening, the atmosphere was fairly crackling. We were given symbolic coins and asked to hold them in our hands and charge them with the worries, stresses, anxieties, and fears that weigh us down and keep us from enjoying God’s Peace. As we left the conference, we threw those “coins” in a fountain in the lobby…symbolically leaving them behind. I felt so much better as I drove home. I still have all that stuff going on in my life, but now I’m reminded to let go and let God take care of His part. If I go to God FIRST, if I ask Him to take over, life just goes SO much smoother.

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I was going to take a break this weekend, but I felt inspired to share this with you today and those who have been around long enough know I can’t go without writing every day. I hope you have a beautiful Saturday! ❤

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“The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭118:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-10T02:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/10/letting-go-of-fear.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/07/gratitude.html", "title": "Gratitude", "content_html": "

\"Charm “My charm blessed by Pope John Paul”

\n

I want to thank all of you for your prayers yesterday. I felt wrapped in love and light when it was time for the phone call with the acquisitions editor. I was well prepared beforehand. I had carefully researched the publisher. I had reviewed the two books they sent ahead of time. I spent some time in quiet meditation beforehand. And then I asked God to give me any last words before I “headed into the interview”. I believe the Bible is a living word and I often ask God to speak to me through it. I opened my Bible app and picked a “totally random” verse. This is what I got.

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“I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with the earnestness of others. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich. And here is my judgment about what is best for you in this matter. Last year you were the first not only to give but also to have the desire to do so. Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what one does not have. Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. The goal is equality,”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭8:8-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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My jaw dropped. It was perfect.

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Th conversation went well. The editor told me what they were looking for. She asked me questions. She asked if I had questions. I asked a few then told her the only thing that bothered me was the caveat “without religion”. She has read my work and knows I am faith based. She explained they did not want to represent a single denomination. They understand that grief is decidedly spiritual and she would expect my writing to reflect my faith.

\n

Boom.

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It was that easy. Maybe I put too much emphasis on that one sentence and got myself all worked up for nothing. But, maybe…just maybe that was a test. Maybe God wanted to test the sincerity of my love.

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I’ve done my part. I’ve answered the questions. They know my work. They have interviewed other writers and will make their decision next week. I’ll let you know when I know. Thank you again for all your prayers and kind words. Y’all are the best! ❤️

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-07T02:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/07/gratitude.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","God","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/06/the-full-armor-of-god.html", "title": "The Full Armor of God", "content_html": "\"Joan\n

When I first began writing this blog…I mean, earnestly writing…I was reeling from the sudden loss of my husband. I wrote from a place of pain and my heart spilled out onto these pages with the fresh blood of grief. I was a Christian, I was “faithful”, but I did not bring God into the equation when it came to this blog. I did not want to offend anyone. I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. It had nothing whatsoever to do with being “politically correct”. It had everything to do with being respectful. There’s nothing wrong with that and it worked…until that day in church when I got a “text from God”.

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I’ve told you that story, but those of you who are relatively new here may not have heard it so I’ll give you the Cliff Notes version. I can always tell when I’m about to have some spiritual insight. I feel this kind of antsy electricity running up my arms and up the back of my neck. I’ve learned to sit up and take notice because it always turns out to be monumental.

\n

On the particular Sunday in question, I felt the Spirit touching me and I asked what he wanted.

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“You have to tell your readers where you find your peace.”

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“Oh, no…really and truly I don’t,” I thought. “I’m not going full gospel in my blog. I’ll drive away people and lose readers. I won’t do it. You can’t make me!” I was having quite the internal argument with God when my phone, sitting in top of my purse on the pew beside me, began to vibrate. I looked down and there was a text from a friend in Florida.

\n

“You cannot run from God’s love!”

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Wow. Ok. When you get a text from God, in Church…you’d better listen. From that day forward, I put a scripture at the bottom of every post to illustrate what my thinking was when I wrote it. As time has passed, I have become more and more bold in my writing and have had more discussions that include my perspectives through the lens of my faith.

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I am not “religious”, per se. I am faithful…faith FULL. I know what God’s Love has done for me. I know that I would never have survived what I’ve been through if I did not have my faith. I promised God that day in church that if he would bring me the words and the people to hear the message, I would put my heart and soul into my writing. I pray over my keyboard that I shine his light through my words into a dark and troubled world…into dark and troubling times in people’s lives. In particular, to those grieving a loss.

\n

I debated and prayed about this post in particular. I don’t usually bring up the opportunities I receive to write something until it’s a done deal. Something about tempting fate. This one is different though. So, here goes.

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The other day, I was contacted by a publisher regarding the possibility of me authoring a book for them. I’m flattered and excited about the possibility. We have a phone conference scheduled today. It sound like an excellent opportunity. The only thing is…this particular book they want me to write doesn’t include religion. That is like asking me to write a book without verbs. They have published faith-based books before so I’m not sure why this one is different. I’ll tell you what I think it is. I think God gives us opportunities to stand up for him. I think he wants to see if I will wear the full armor…or just a sweatsuit.

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So, here’s what I’m going to ask you to do. At 1:00 EST today, will you pray that I speak the correct words to sway them to change their minds about the inclusion of faith in this book and, soften their hearts so that they see the writing they chose me for COMES from God and should be allowed to flow into this book. The internet is a great big place. It is no accident that they found Marshmallow Ranch in their search for grief writers. Pray that I stand strong and shine his light. ❤️

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“Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel,”\n‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6:19‬ ‭NIV‬

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Photo Credit: John Everett Millais - Joan of Arc

\n", "date_published": "2018-03-06T02:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/06/the-full-armor-of-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/03/the-upside-of-disappointment.html", "title": "The Upside of Disappointment", "content_html": "

\"Homemade Homemade Egg Noodles

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I was so excited Thursday! I was heading out for a weekend with the Girl Campers and even got to leave a day early. I had reservations in a cabin. I was meeting old friends and new. I was pumped!

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I got the truck packed, with WAY too much stuff, and headed south through a driving rain. It was only a two hour drive so no big deal. I stopped at a Walmart near my destination and bought the ingredients for beef and noodles…my contribution to Saturday’s Soup Night…our tradition. I arrived at the cabin around 3:00 in the afternoon, got everything unpacked, greeted the host, and decided to take a nap. I couldn’t seem to get warm for some reason.

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Within an hour, I was burning up and feeling sick. I stayed the night and awoke with a rip roaring headache so I begged off and came home. I don’t think it’s a bug…just a bad migraine. But, darn it all! I was really looking forward to this weekend. On my way home, I got some strong coffee and that actually helped and after a while, I felt much better.

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I got a phone call from my cousin’s wife as I was driving home. She and I are very close. She was calling to let me know her mother passed away and could she come by in the afternoon on her way back from the funeral home. That’s when I knew…I wasn’t supposed to be at the girl’s weekend. I was supposed to be here for my sister/friend and offer comfort and support.

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It is customary to offer food to the bereaved and I just happened to have all the ingredients for beef and noodles. That is, until I remembered I left the package of frozen homestyle noodles in the freezer at the cabin. So, I looked up a recipe for homemade egg noodles. I found a great recipe, AND a cute blog, at afarmishkindoflife.com/homemade-noodles. You have to let the noodles dry for two hours and I left all my baker’s racks at the farm. I found one that goes in the bottom of a huge stock pot. And, I improvised with a colander turned upside down. Now I can send a nice pot of beef and noodles home so they don’t have to cook for a while. I imagine they’ll get plenty of food from the neighbors so this will freeze well if needed.

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As I always say, things can change on a dime and what starts out as a disappointment can turn into a blessing if you change your focus. I’m sorry I’m missing my gal pals, but I’m happy to be where God needed me more. ❤

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“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”\n‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:16-18 NIV

\n", "date_published": "2018-03-03T02:30:36-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/03/the-upside-of-disappointment.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grace","God","Wisdom","Presence","Girl Camper","Girl Campers"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/03/02/change-your-focus.html", "title": "Change Your Focus", "content_html": "

\"Woman “Imagine if we obsessed about the things we LOVE about ourselves.”

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I’d love to have all the hours back that I obsessed about the things I didn’t like about myself. My hair. My body. My nose. My “flaws”…real or imagined. Can you imagine if we never, ever looked in the mirror and hated something we saw? Oh…what I really hate is that I put my faith in someone who judged me by my appearance. I really hate that I saw my self-worth through someone else’s lens. For…far…too…long.

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One of the wonderful things about rapidly approaching Medicare age is the ability to see myself as I truly am. I’m a slightly overweight, active grandma with great hair and pretty feet. I was talking with Mr. FixIt this week when we went on our little trip. I was telling him about a time in my life when I really hated who I was. Then I grew to hate that I couldn’t speak up and change the situation I was in that contributed to it. He looked at me and smiled. He said, “Well, you sure are a strong, opinionated woman now. You don’t take crap off of anyone!” My heart exploded. He GETS me!

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Every day, I focus on my word of the year. Presence. I am not that naive young girl who went into relationships looking for a knight in shining armor. I am not that willowy young thing who could eat anything I wanted and not gain an ounce. I don’t have the stamina that I had when I was 30…40…50….heck, 60! But, I love who I am. I am more of the woman in Proverbs 31 than I ever have been.

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Pastor Justin illustrated God’s forgiveness last Sunday in a way that will forever change how I look at myself. He was sitting at a table with a bottle of water. He always keeps a small towel nearby because it’s quite hot up there under the lights and he has a tendency to get fired up. He was talking about how we are made new when we accept Christ in our hearts. He died for our sins. That means, they are taken away. The old is gone.

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He covered the water bottle with the towel. “This is what happens when we are forgiven.”

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He pulled the towel back a bit. “The enemy wants us to keep looking back. He keeps reminding us of who we were. But that’s not who we are now.”

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He picked up the bottle, totally wrapped in the towel and said, “When we’ve been saved, God looks at us and sees Christ…not the old, beat up, soiled version of us…but the Christ-loving version.”

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My eyes swelled with tears when the full realization hit me that I don’t have to carry around all that baggage…all those burdens…all that self-loathing. It is not prideful to love and appreciate yourself as a child of God.

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I like my feet. I like my smile. I like my compassionate heart. I like the way my hair is graying with natural streaks. I used to pay a lot of money for that. I love the way every cell in my body was made new when I was saved. Appreciate yourself. Love yourself. Not in an arrogant, self-centered, narcissistic way. You are the only YOU there is in the world. The only YOU that has ever been or ever will be. God made you just this way with the very gifts the world needs that only YOU can give. Since scripture tells us to love others as we love ourselves the opposite must also be true. Love yourself as you love others. ❤

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“We love because he first loved us.”\n‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-03-02T02:30:53-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/03/02/change-your-focus.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/26/my-love-has-a-name.html", "title": "My Love Has a Name", "content_html": "

\"Praise\" “My Love Has a Name…Jesus”

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I am always pumped on Mondays. My “Monday Morning Motivation” begins Sunday when Mr. FixIt and I walk into church. I’ve never gone to a church that has been so uplifting. I have never in my life looked forward to Sundays like I do now! It is such an amazing feeling to carry God with me into my week.

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The Praise and Worship Team sang a new song yesterday by the Christian rock band, Jesus Culture called “Love Has a Name”. Our sermon series for the month of February was entitled “Love Handles”. Yesterday, Pastors Justin and Heather sat down and talked to us about 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and put it in the perspective of our relationships. Let’s break it down.

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“Love is patient.” When Mr. FixIt takes an inordinate amount of time to type something out on his phone, my first instinct is to grab the phone and do it myself in about half the time. I’m not considering the fact that my fingers are half the size and I’ve spent a gazillion more hours typing on a keyboard as a writer than he has as a mechanical engineer designing tools. I have to remind myself to emulate God’s love…God’s perfect love…and be patient. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

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“Love is kind.” Show of hands…how many of you have cast a disparaging look at your significant other when he’s done something you think is stupid? How many have done the whole eye roll thing? That, in and of itself, is a very unkind thing to do. I’ve done it. I don’t like that I have. As a matter of fact, I read an article once by a marriage counselor and he said one of the tell tale signs that a marriage would fail was if one or the other partner rolled their eyes. It’s dismissive. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

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“It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” I see this to mean those times when your significant other bests you in some way. Or you, him. Lording it over the other with one-upsmanship brings competition into the equation and that can be very damaging to a relationship. I remember Hubby #2 and I took an online IQ test and I came out higher than he did. He was a doctor and I always felt somewhat “less than”, for a number of reasons. I rubbed that in and it didn’t go over well. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

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“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” You dishonor others by being disrespectful. This is a self-seeking behavior. Love is not easily angered. Pastor Heather said she heard something a long time ago that has always stuck with her. “Take the pause.” When something strikes you wrong, stop and take a breath before you lash out and say something you will regret later. That brings us to “no record of wrongs”. How many times have we held onto those slights and honed them to a rapier edge, only to slash our partner with them later. Maybe we “forgave” them, but brought it up anyway. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

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“Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” Discord, cruelty, mean-spiritedness are evils that can take root in relationships, but the power of truth in real love is something you should always strive for. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

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“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” You should always protect your love. Always trusting doesn’t mean being gullible, but being fair minded and believe in your spouse. Always hope for the best in your spouse. And always persevere…keep going, even when the going gets tough. It isn’t always easy, but I try.

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I have learned to love Jesus more than anyone or anything. Everyone…even those you hold the closest to your heart…will disappoint you. Jesus will never disappoint. If we hold him at the center of all equations, we have far greater chance of success in every relationship…family, work, friends, school…everywhere.

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This is the song they sang yesterday…”Love Has a Name”. My love has a name…Jesus. ❤

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“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”\n‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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youtu.be/cZOBtpJ0_…

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-26T02:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/26/my-love-has-a-name.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Presence","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/24/ill-pray-for-you.html", "title": "I’ll Pray for You", "content_html": "

\"I’ll “I’ll Pray for You”

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How many times do we say that? Something happens to someone and we automatically say, “I’ll pray for you!” We hear of a tragedy and we say, “I’ll pray for you!” How many times do we say that…and forget to pray? Or, how about when you’re scrolling through Facebook and someone asks for prayers. We might type “Prayers!” Or “Done!” Or my personal favorite…”???” A furtive “God, please give this woman what she’s asking for.” These are good things, don’t get me wrong. But we can do so much better.

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I was working one afternoon after Mr. Virgo died and I noticed one of my coworkers was tearful. She was trying to hide it at her desk and I didn’t want to intrude. I got halfway down the hall when the Holy Spirit whispered…

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“Go to her…now.”

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“Awwww….c’mon. I’ve got a list of phone calls that would choke a horse! I haven’t even started the pharmacy refills yet. And I need to fax those reports. I’m really busy. Someone will help her. I’ll pray for her tonight when I get home.”

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“Go to her…NOW!”

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“Oooooooh…you mean…NOW! Sure!”

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I turned on my heel and went back to my coworker’s desk. I didn’t say anything. She didn’t look at me, but she knew I was there. Her shoulders slumped and shook with silent sobs. I placed my hand on her shoulder and she immediately leaned into me and cried harder.

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I whispered. “I don’t know what you’re going through right now…and I don’t need to know. But if you want, I would love to pray with you right now. Would that be ok?”

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She whispered back, “Yes! Yes, please!”

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I closed the door to her office, knelt beside her and took her hand. And prayed. I prayed for God’s love to wrap around my friend and comfort her. I prayed for strength and courage in whatever she was facing. I prayed God would use whatever trial she was walking through to bring her closer to him so she would know there was someone who always loved her, always had her back.

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It didn’t take long…just a couple minutes. My friend felt so much better afterwards and my work was still there, waiting for me. I felt better, too. Because, I actually did what I said I would do. By praying with my friend, I did more than placate her to make her feel better. I called on the living God…the Highest Power…to come into the situation and work on it.

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I once heard of a man in our church that was going through a rough patch. His friend was talking to him on the phone. They were both on the highway but several miles apart. The man asked his friend with the troubles to pull off at the next wide spot. Soon, he caught up and there, along I-70…the man placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder, lifted his other hand to the sky, and prayed. Right there for all to see.

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I don’t think you should ever miss the opportunity to pray with somebody. Of course, pray FOR them anytime. But pray WITH them whenever you can. It’s good for everyone. ❤

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“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.””\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-24T02:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/24/ill-pray-for-you.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/20/an-open-letter-to-the.html", "title": "An Open Letter to the Shooter", "content_html": "

\"iPad “Writing in TOW-Wanda”

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While the world recoils in horror at the havoc you have wrought, I want you to know something. I have tears for the terribly tragic loss of these beautiful people you have cut down who will never have the opportunity to reach their potential. But, believe it or not, I have tears for you, too. While those parents prepare to lay their babies to rest, I wonder if there’s anyone there for you. Because I have a feeling there hasn’t been…probably for a very, very long time.

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I don’t know you. We are just beginning to get some details about who you are. I know you were adopted. I know your adopted father died several years ago and your adopted mother died in November. Your teachers tried to help from as far back as sixth grade. I heard the impassioned speech one of your former classmates made. She said they always knew there was something wrong.

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I don’t know your whole story. I know you were adopted as an infant. But, I’d be willing to bet any amount of money that you were quiet and shy as a young child. Awkward. You didn’t fit in. You were bullied. You were never picked to be on the team. You were labeled as that weird kid. You didn’t get invited to birthday parties and sleepovers. You were lonely, sad, depressed and isolated, I can just about guarantee that. And you were angry. You lashed out with little self control.

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Did you ever have someone to hold you and rock you and tell you how much you were loved? Did you have someone to take you to church and teach you about how much Jesus loves you? You had mental health issues and teachers tried and tried tried to help. But you somehow fell through the cracks.

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I know this isn’t going to be the most popular post right now because moms and dads are putting their children in the ground as we speak. People are angry. People are crying out for change and somehow there needs to be change. If you never had access to those guns while you were in such pain, I can pretty much guarantee there would be seventeen families enjoying each other’s company tonight instead of trying to figure out how to keep on living. I don’t know how we could have prevented this tragedy but we as a nation need to figure it out. Now…before it happens again. Because…it WILL happen again.

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While I cry for those who are in pain tonight, I shed tears for you as well. I’m so sorry you felt this was your only way to be heard. I’m sorry you didn’t get the help you needed. I’m sorry you didn’t know how to find your way back from the abyss. I’m sorry you lost hope. I know you are broken, and you will never walk free in the sunshine again. You won’t get married and have babies and vacations and grow old in a job you love and look forward to retirement. This is the price you will pay for the choices you made. There’s nothing that can be done about that. But I want you to know something….and this I know beyond a shadow of a doubt.

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God loves you.

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God STILL loves you. And so do I. You wanna know why? Because the God I know loves ALL of his children…equally. He loves you exactly the same way as he loves me and your mom and the policemen who captured you and your attorney and the judge and all the moms and dads and students of that school in Florida. Who can you think of that’s really, really good? The Pope? Mother Teresa? Billy Graham? Joel Osteen? Our Father in heaven doesn’t love you one bit less than he loves them. God hates the sin…but he loves the sinner.

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That doesn’t mean you won’t be judged. You will…by the court of man and the court of God. But you can be forgiven. If you haven’t already, you can ask Jesus into your life and I promise you will never be alone again. You will always have someone who loves you. So, while I pray for those families your actions shattered, I will also be praying for you. I will pray that you seek shelter with God. I will pray that you get the help you need. I pray that you will talk to God every hour, every day, for the rest of your life.

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A spirit of forgiveness is a noble thing. I hope those to whom you transgressed will someday find it in their hearts to forgive you. For their own benefit as much as anything. It is the hardest thing to wrap our minds around when some sins seem so much worse than others. God’s heart is broken over this, yet he still loves you. Always has, always will. ❤

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“You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”\n‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:6-11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-02-20T02:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/20/an-open-letter-to-the.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/19/love-is-an-action-word.html", "title": "Love is an Action Word", "content_html": "\"Coffee\n

I’m doing something different today. Usually I write my essay then I go read and find a bible verse that best suits my message of the day. It’s easier that way for me because I look for verses about a certain theme, read and study them, then choose the one that speaks to me. To take a verse and pontificate on it seems a bit foreign after writing for nearly five years the other way. But today…I want to talk to you about Romans 12:6-8 specifically.

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As we always do, Mr. FixIt and I stood and held hands as we prayed and sang with the praise team in church yesterday. And, as I always do on the third song, I closed my eyes and prayed. I thanked God for all he has blessed us with. I thanked him for bringing me this fine man to stand with me in church to praise with me. I recited the Prayer of Jabez and asked that he bless me indeed, that he expand my territory, walk with his hand over me, and keep evil far from me that I may not feel pain. Then I asked…”If you have a specific message for me today, please deliver it to me through Pastor Justin.” Amen

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We’ve been doing a series entitled “Love Handles”. Not the muffin tops above our jeans from eating too many Oreos, but the action word…LOVE. The love we take out into the world. As Christians, we are called to be different. We aren’t supposed to go out and blend into the world. We should be shining the light of the Holy Spirit out into the world so brightly that people take notice when we walk into a room. Pastor Justin’s first Bible reading yesterday was Romans 12:6-8. It tells us that God, in his infinite grace, has given us all gifts for doing certain things very well…be it prophesy, service, teaching, encouraging, giving, leadership, or kindness. If you have a talent that comes to you easily and you do it very well, that is your gift. That is what you are here to share.

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Tears came to my eyes when I listened to the verse being read. “If God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you.” Prophesy has several meanings but the one I believe was being directed to me was “preach”. As I have grown in my faith and through this blog, I was led by the Holy Spirit to include scripture in my writing. If you were here when that started, you may remember the conversation I had with God in church when I got that message loud and clear and I argued vehemently against it. I did NOT want to “be that person.” I didn’t want to be “preachy” and turn people off.

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There have been instances when I see that people have “unliked” this page when I get too “churchy”. But I have to say, the most interaction this page receives is when my post is truly aligned with my heart, and thus…my faith. When I share my truth, my stories, through the lens of faith…they seem to reach through the miles and touch hearts. I’ve been feeling God nudging me to continue in that direction. That doesn’t mean every post here is going to be a sermon, because it isn’t. What it means is, I’m going to be a little less worried about what people think when I talk about God. It’s really easy to talk about God in a room full of believers. It is not nearly so easy to prophesy to those who don’t believe the same way I do. God has given me a gift of words. It is my duty to put them to the best use I can. I hope you will stick around and see where this goes because I think it’s going to get interesting. ❤

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“So we are to use our different gifts in accordance with the grace that God has given us. If our gift is to speak God’s message, we should do it according to the faith that we have; if it is to serve, we should serve; if it is to teach, we should teach; if it is to encourage others, we should do so. Whoever shares with others should do it generously; whoever has authority should work hard; whoever shows kindness to others should do it cheerfully.”\n‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:6-8‬ ‭GNB‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-19T02:30:31-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/19/love-is-an-action-word.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/18/the-mountain.html", "title": "The Mountain", "content_html": "

\"Sunrise “My Hope is in You Alone” - MercyMe

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I was writing last night and listening to a channel on Amazon Music called “Relaxing Christian Music”. MercyMe came on and sang “Even If You Don’t”. It’s about those times when your faith is challenged by the hardships you face in life. It made me think of the losses so many are facing. There are seventeen mothers and fathers preparing to lay their children to rest this week. It is easy to ask questions like, “Where was God during all this?” “How can God let bad things happen to innocent people…especially children?”

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Life can be really difficult. It can be filled with challenges and unfulfilled dreams. Disappointments. Hurts. Horrors. And…it can be filled with absolutely unmovable mountains.

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It’s easier to maintain our faith when the skies are sunny and life is good. When we are knee deep in blessings and goodness rains down on us like a spring shower, we’re good. But…what happens when the darkness comes? How do we maintain our faith when God seems to have abandoned us and is far, far away?

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God is capable of all things. I know he can do anything. I’ve seen him do it. When I was a little girl and I sat at my grandma’s knee, I asked her how she knew Jesus was who he said he was. How did she know he really walked on water? She smiled knowingly and patted my hand. “You just have to have faith, pet.” she said in her wise grandma way. It took me most of my life to absorb that…and to believe it.

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Faith.

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What is faith? The Bible tells us faith is the “substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” The substance of my hope is a loving God who can move mountains. The evidence of things not seen is when he refuses and I still believe in him.

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Sometimes God refuses to move the mountain that is in your way because that mountain is in HIS plan…not yours. My biggest mountain was losing Mr. Virgo. God knew that could shake my faith. So he let me see something. He let me see the essence of my husband’s spirit as it left his body. I was forever changed. Not only by the loss itself, but by the certainty that we go someplace else when we die, we are not alone and there is a power far greater than me at work in the world. That power…to me…is God. I will not understand the whys until I get where I am going…but I know the WHO.

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This has been a difficult year so far. There has been so much loss in the world. So many unmovable mountains. When I face these times, I find leaning into God and trusting him is the only way to get through it.

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He CAN move mountains. And…sometimes he chooses not to. It is the pure essence of faith when you can still believe in God when you have trouble seeing the evidence of his existence.

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My HOPE is in him…even when he doesn’t answer.

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MercyMe - Even If You Don’t\nhttps://youtu.be/B6fA35Ved-Y

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“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”\n‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭KJV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-18T02:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/18/the-mountain.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/16/staying-present.html", "title": "Staying Present", "content_html": "

\"Feather ”My burdens are light as a feather because God carries them for me.”

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I love Uma Girish. Uma is a Grief Guide…one who helps others walk their path with valuable tools she gives them along the way. Uma wrote a post about mindfulness that I wanted to share with you. We talk about mindfulness here a lot. My word of the year is “presence”. I practice mindfulness frequently. I sure wish I could say I practice it all the time, but my monkey brain kicks in and takes me on wild tangents. I get lost in the weeds. Then, Spirit sends me something…a message, a person, a hint. Yesterday…I was sent back to Uma.

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I have to admit…I’m struggling a little bit right now. I’ve been trying to put my finger on it and it’s a slippery little sucker. Is it this sinus infection I’m battling? Is it Seasonal Affective Disorder? Is it missing my family in Colorado? Is it the state of our world, politically…morally…naturally? Is it the horrific tragedies that seem to be around every corner these days? The answer is yes…all of the above.

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And…it is grief.

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Grief. That ever-present underground river that flows just under my heart. I’m counting down now to the five year anniversary of Mr. Virgo’s death. Five years. We were married just three weeks shy of six. We knew each other for seven and a half. I’m getting to the point where I’ve been without him as long as I had him. And it still hurts. I have this wonderful new man in my life who I’m over the moon in love with. And it still hurts. I’ve been incredibly blessed with this blog and the opportunities it has given me. And it still hurts. I have everything I need and then some. And. It. Still. Hurts.

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Yesterday morning I was flailing. I laid in bed with my cell phone, playing a game of solitaire. My stomach churned from the antibiotics I started the night before. My ears still had fluid in them and it sounded like someone wadding up a potato chip bag every time I swallowed. It’s been raining and dreary for several days. All I wanted to do was pull the covers over my head and stay there the rest of my life. That is where I put my mindfulness. Up on a shelf…out of reach.

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I forced myself to get up…get dressed…pull the covers up on the bed. I made myself eat toast and tea. Gratefully, Mr. FixIt turned off the television so I didn’t have to see any more of the horrible news out of Florida. I took my tea to the sofa just as the sun peeked out of the clouds for the first time this week. I snuggled down into my “nest” and opened my iPad to check my email. And there was Uma’s newsletter. Her topic of the day? Mindfulness. I laughed. Sometimes God gently walks up beside me and says…really loud…LISTEN!

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I did as Uma suggested…as I’ve done hundreds of times…as I’ve shared with you. I sat still. I closed my eyes. I stopped multitasking and just listened. I felt the sofa under me, cradling my body. I felt the lap desk on my thighs. I paid attention to my breath and my pain. I listened to my heart breaking again. It’s nothing like it was in the beginning. It has morphed and changed, waxed and waned. It’s just a current of energy that mixes with all the other currents in my world. Sometimes the rheostat gets cranked up a little higher, that’s all. Holidays. Birthdays. Angelversaries. Bluebirds. Cigars. I never know what will set it off or when. But I can become mindful…present…still. I can center myself and deal with the one thing and not the everything at once thing.

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Thank you, Uma…for reminding us to stop and listen and center ourselves before we head down the rabbit hole. As the sun sent last night and I heard the spring peepers, I felt the axis shift and I’m much, much better. ❤

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“Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.”\n‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:2‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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umagirish.com/2018/02/1…

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-16T02:30:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/16/staying-present.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Grace","God","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/15/another-horror-story.html", "title": "Another Horror Story", "content_html": "\"\"\n

(*Edited: I must admit, I took the number 18 and ran with is as it was the lead in a number of online stories. That number was promoted by a group intending to imply there had been 18 mass shootings in schools during the first 7 weeks of 2018. This, of course, is not true. There have been 18 incidents where guns have been used on school grounds, including shots fired through windows and suicides both in and on school grounds…one at a former school. Ok, statistics are what they are and I know they can be manipulated for various purposes. My point remains the same. If there had been ONE school shooting, that is one too many. Thank you, Nancy, for bringing that to my attention.)

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Eighteen. Eighteen school shootings this year…and it’s only the 7th week of 2018. How many more? How many more mothers and fathers have to lay their children to rest when all they did was send them off to school to learn? How many more children have to be permanently changed…traumatized by sights and sounds young children should never hear? How many more teachers and administrators have to come up with answers to those left behind and find some way to keep teaching and helping? How many more???

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I walked into the grade school to do my volunteer reading shift the day of Columbine. I sat in the school library and tried to distract a room full of elementary school students away from the TV relaying a live broadcast of children running for cover. I held my youngest that night and tried to explain to her about bad people and why she shouldn’t be scared to go to school the next day. All while trying to remain calm enough to talk to her without losing my sh*t.

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I cannot tell you show scared I am of this. My older daughter is a high school special needs teacher. My two grandchildren are in grade and middle school…all in a suburb of Denver. I worry every single day that something like this might happen to them. I can’t imagine the horror these families, staff, and fellow students are going through. I have no words.

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What is the answer? How do we keep this from happening over and over and over? There are SO many factors at play here. The issue of gun control is a hot topic. I believe in our right to bear arms. I have a couple of guns for protection and have taken classes for proficiency. I have a conceal carry permit. I am a responsible gun owner. I keep them locked up and away when my grandchildren are around. Still, I think there has to be some way to make it more difficult for citizens to get guns and stock up on enough guns and ammo to armor the 101st Airborne. The debate is heated and there’s no easy answer that will satisfy everyone.

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What about video games? Have you seen some of these these things? OMGosh! They are horrific! They are realistic depictions of murder and mayhem on a grand scale, putting you “in the driver’s seat”, so to speak. You can gun down people with all the blood and gore that accompanies such an activity without leaving the comfort of your recliner. Children’s minds are not fully developed. When they are subjected to such violence with no repercussions, is it such a difficult thing to think some of them who aren’t in touch with reality may seek the thrill in real time?

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How about parenting? Ever since Dr. Spock told us spanking little Johnny would damage his psyche, we have been raising little prima donnas who think the world owes them something simply because they showed up. These are the generations that gives everyone a trophy. Don’t get me wrong…I am not a proponent of child abuse. There is no justification for bullying. But, too many parents plug their kids into an electronic baby sitter in the form of a smart phone or an iPad then wonder why they aren’t connecting to their fellow human beings in meaningful ways.

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What about God? Does he care? Is he listening? Have we used his name in vain so much that he’s tone deaf? Have we said, “We don’t need God in our business” one too many times? I imagine God is weeping today for the unimaginable loss and the complete evil of such things as school shootings.

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I don’t have the answers. I wish I did. I do know this…the only way out of this is through love, light, prayer, thoughtful discussion, responsible legislation, and courage to stand up to those who allow guns to get into the hands of madmen. Something has to be done…and soon…before we lose one more innocent. My heart is breaking. No one should lay their babies in the ground for this.

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Heavenly Father, I come to you today with thanksgiving for your steadfast love for us, your children. I ask you to wrap your loving arms around the families struck down by the violence in our schools…not just this year, but in all years. Please, Lord…give our parents the courage to do what they must in laying their children to rest. Give our children kind and loving hearts and a conscience so that such unspeakable horrors are never considered a valid way to reconcile differences. Give our teachers the strength and courage to face each new day when they are faced with seemingly insurmountable challenges. Give our leaders the wisdom and courage to stand up and do what’s right to protect our children. Lord, we know you ultimately win this battle against evil. Please walk with your hand over us and keep evil far from us. Amen ?

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For a view on the NRA proposal to arm teachers: https://www.facebook.com/UTLAnow/videos/1956126557742129/

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““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””\n‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-15T02:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/15/another-horror-story.html", "tags": ["Grief","Prayer","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/07/i-am-enough.html", "title": "I Am Enough", "content_html": "

\"Woman “I Am Enough”

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A friend of mine posts these really great inspirational messages on her Facebook page. She comes up with original questions, collections of photos surrounding a theme, and generally spreads love and light throughout the world…with an occasional “f-bomb” thrown in for emphasis. Her name is Barbara. I think she should write a book or have a syndicated newsletter or something because I never see her stuff without feeling uplifted and in awe. I love her.

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Yesterday she posted the following question:

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WHO ARE YOU?\nAnswer without:\nName, Job, Things you Did, Friends

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As I always do with her thought provoking posts…I sat and thought. I made a cup of tea. I stared out the window. I listened to a recording of ocean waves. And…I sat and thought some more. I could answer many things. Christian. Gypsy. Dreamer. Giver. Lover. Friend. But those things only answer a part of the question with those parameters. I decided on this…

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I Am Enough.

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When this picture was taken, I was visiting my dear friend, Patti from Buffalo Baking Company in California. I had just completed a few of my big “firsts”. My first foray into the world of dating. HUGE mistake on the dating end. BIG help on the “having a shoulder to cry on” end. It didn’t turn out very well for either of us, unfortunately. Too much…WAY too soon. I had survived our anniversary, our birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. And I headed to the west coast to stay with a woman I had never met in person…I only knew her through this blog. But I knew her heart and she is good and she loved on me for a week.

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I had it in my head that once the clock struck midnight and 2013 turned into 2014, I could say…”He died LAST YEAR”. Somehow I thought that would sweep up the wreckage of my life from the floor where it fell eight months earlier. It would be the glue to piece my heart back together. On this day…New Year’s Day 2014…we drove to Half Moon Bay play tourist. We walked the beach, browsed the shops, ate fabulous seafood, and enjoyed each other’s company.

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When we got to the beach, I asked if I could have a moment alone. I walked to the water’s edge and talked to Mr. Virgo. I told him how much I loved him. I let a little piece of him go free. I placed a few strands of his hair into the foam around my freezing bare feet. And I cried. As I was walking back to Patti and her husband, I saw she had her camera poised and I threw up my hands as if to say, “Ta Da!!! That’s done!!!”

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Oh…I was SO naive.

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I only THOUGHT I was done. I thought the New Year would bring a new me…sans tears, anxiety, sleepless nights throwing up, fits of rage and depression, and deep melancholia. It was far from it. It only opened my eyes to the stark reality that this really WAS real. He really WAS gone. And now, I got the opportunity to feel it all without that protective gauze of grief sheltering my weary heart and mind from the full blow. Now I was raw, open, searing with the painful presence of daily life…without him. Without my heart. Without my mind. At least as I had known it.

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That second year was exactly like holding a sword into the white hot heat of a forge. It tempered me. It made me stronger so that when I was beaten, I held my edge. I became sharp and strong. I was honed into a new version of me.

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When you look at the edge of a well-honed sword, you do not see a sharp, straight line. You see little bits and fragments and fingers of metal that have been forced to line up in the same direction. But there are chips and divots and feathers of steel lining up like soldiers marching in formation. Yet, zoom back out and you can cut a watermelon in midair with one easy stroke.

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When you hone a sword, there is a stopping point. There is a place where you say…that is enough. If you keep going, the blade doesn’t get any sharper. It just wears away. This is where I am on this journey now. If I keep grinding away at this, I just get worn till I’m useless. There was that tipping point somewhere along the line where I said to myself…I Am Enough. This is good…this life I have built. I have surrounded myself with love and light. God, in his infinite Mercy, has given me more hearts to love and more time to love them. If my edge should dull…and it will…I will put my feet to the flame again and get strong and sharp. Over and over and over…ad infinitum. It is what we do. It is the best we can do. It is ALL we can do. Do the work. Walk through the flames. Become stronger. And proclaim to the world…

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I. Am. Enough. And, my darling friend…you are, too!

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❤️

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“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:6‬ ‭NIV11‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-07T02:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/07/i-am-enough.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/05/the-eagles-have-landed.html", "title": "The Eagles Have Landed!", "content_html": "

\"Eagles Eagles win the Super Bowl!

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Everyone loves an underdog. In a Google poll, only a handful of states hoped for a Patriots win, even though they were predicted to win by a substantial margin.

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The game was tight. Philadelphia held the lead till they faltered in the third quarter when they seemed to run out of steam. Or, more accurately, Tom Brady got a fire lit under his team…finally. For a few brief moments, the Patriots led till a fumble picked up by the Eagles gave the birds some wings.

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All through the game, I kept calling up to Mr. Virgo. “Are you watching this???” “OMGosh! Can you believe this???” Mr. FixIt laughed. I have no shame. I will call on the ghost of my late husband to go down on that field and trip the opponents’ quarterback if I have to.

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It literally came down to the last few seconds of the game when an incomplete pass gave the Eagles their very first Super Bowl win. Mr. Virgo watched them religiously. He hoped. He dreamed. And they always failed him. They always broke his heart. I wish he could have seen that game last night! I have a feeling maybe he did. In the post game interviews and presentation of the Vince Lombardi Trophy, each player gave credit to God first. I was so proud. I cried. These are men of character. Gone are the shameful days of Michael Vick. These men worked hard and, even after losing their franchise quarterback to an injury earlier in the season, they managed to pull off an unimaginable feat and beat the famed New England Patriots. Within moments of the win, my brother called from Colorado to share the joy of the win with me.

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We had family with us all afternoon. We had game day food. We had an incredible game with a glorious win. We had credit given where credit was due. sigh It was a really wonderful day. ❤️ ? ❤️

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“But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”\n‭‭Mark‬ ‭10:31‬ ‭NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2018-02-05T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/05/the-eagles-have-landed.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Fun","Grace","God","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/02/04/skeletons-in-the-closet.html", "title": "Skeletons in the Closet", "content_html": "\"A\n

Exploring genealogy can lead to some real surprises. Family secrets like the baby “born” to the woman in her sixties with a 16 year old daughter. To save face, the grandparents registered the birth as their own instead of their unwed daughter, even though the daughter continued to raise that little girl plus two more. Or how about the man who stole a pig, was exonerated, then got in a fight with the sheriff over something completely different and killed him in a barroom brawl. There’s suicides, like my great great uncle who had horrible lifelong pain from arthritis or one of Mr. FixIt’s distant relatives who took arsenic. You never know what you might find when you delve into the past.

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When I was a little girl, I had a special aunt. She lifted me up and made me feel good about myself. I remember her stooping down to tell me how beautiful I looked in periwinkle blue. It made my heart sing and I absolutely adored her. I grew up emulating her every move, style, thought. She was married to my dad’s brother and she did NOT like that side of the family. Unfortunately, she instilled that in me and I never really had much of a relationship with them. But I was one of her “special ones”. We talked for hours…HOURS. I basked in her attention.

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Then, somewhere along the line…there was a rift. I wasn’t allowed to come see her anymore. I had done something my uncle didn’t approve of and that was that. It was easier to let me go than to deal with his anger. I didn’t talk with her for a long time. Then Mr. Virgo died. I just had to talk to her…just one more time. I called and left a message. And told her I would try her only once more the following afternoon. When I called back, she picked up on the first ring. It was like old times. I collapsed into my beloved aunt’s love and she comforted me in my loss. She listened to me cry. We talked for two hours and when it came time to ring off, I sensed this was the last time I would ever talk with her. I wanted to make it count.

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I told her to listen to me. I told her I knew it wasn’t her turning me away because she didn’t love me. I knew the uncomfortable situation she was in. It was a different time. Women were more dependent…for a number of reasons. She couldn’t walk away. I understood that. I told her I loved her very much, I knew I was still one of her “special ones”, and I didn’t blame her. She cried. She thanked me for understanding. I told her goodbye. That was five years ago.

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I’m telling you…I was a late bloomer. I didn’t learn the lessons of your 20’s till I was in my 60’s. When an impressionable young girl is under the spell of a powerful mother figure, real personal growth isn’t possible until that influence is removed. In rapid succession, I lost my grandma, I lost a marriage in which I had always deferred to my husband, one of my best friends moved away, I lost my mom, my aunt, and Mr. Virgo…all in a period of a few short years. I was set adrift. I didn’t know how to be…me. It was bad enough that I lost my sweet husband and was grieving and had to learn how to be without him. But those people who should have been there to help me learn how to be a widow…weren’t. As a late bloomer, I had a crash course in Adulting 101. It was incredibly rough.

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Then something wonderful happened. OK, it was awful…I lost my dad. I was never close to him, but it was loss just the same. And right there in the basement of the church when we gathered to eat after the funeral, the miracle happened. Those family members on my dad’s side that I had shunned out of deference to my aunt, opened their arms and drew me in. They loved on me. They gave me their phone numbers. They planned a family picnic. I saw them…really SAW them as the beautiful people they are and I realized in that moment how much I had lost by being led astray. All those years, I thought I couldn’t love them both…my aunt AND my dad’s family. What a waste.

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Last night, I was diving into an hour or so of genealogy research before I started writing. I don’t know if you are familiar with ancestry.com. When there are new hints for a family member in your tree, a little leaf grows out of the upper right corner of their picture. It has been five years since I’ve signed into Ancestry to do a little snooping around. OMGosh! It looked like a forest in there! Leaves everywhere. I started with my parents and their siblings. I opened my uncle’s hint. A picture of his gravestone. He had died in 2016! I called my cousins and they hadn’t heard a thing. I googled. Nothing. I searched the newspaper archive. No obituary. Nothing.

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I sat back and let my mind wander and absorb the news. My thoughts swirled round till they started to settle into a reality. All this time, I had let myself believe that once this man was gone, my aunt could talk to me freely again. I could have that relationship back that I had cherished. But, it’s been two years. If she was going to call me…she would have by now. That’s too…half empty to me. Maybe she lost my contact information in the five years since we last talked. Maybe she has dementia and can’t call me. Or, maybe it was her. Maybe SHE was the one who didn’t like what I had done and cut me off.

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I spent about 15 minutes feeling really sad that I would never have that special relationship again. Then I realized I have gained SO much since things changed. I learned how to think for myself. I gained a whole family of cousins whom I love very much. Life is all about change. It isn’t always easy to adapt to change. However…adapt or stay trapped. It always comes back to choices. I’m special now because GOD says I’m special…I say I’m special…Mr. FixIt and my family says I’m special. And I still look beautiful in periwinkle blue. ❤️

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“But after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who calls you to share his eternal glory in union with Christ, will himself perfect you and give you firmness, strength, and a sure foundation. To him be the power for ever! Amen.”\n‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:10-11‬ ‭GNBDC

\n", "date_published": "2018-02-04T02:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/02/04/skeletons-in-the-closet.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/29/boundaries.html", "title": "Boundaries", "content_html": "

\"“Boundaries”\" “Boundaries” by Ginny McKinney

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Something I knew nothing about growing up. There were no boundaries save for one. Don’t rock the boat. Ahhh…the walking on egg shells that comes with being the child of an alcoholic. We learn at an early age to dodge bullets. But boundaries? We either didn’t have many…or I didn’t understand the concept. I didn’t know for the longest time where other people ended and I began. I lived my life in a sort of parasitic relationship with my “hosts”…much like Spanish Moss and Mistletoe. My insecurities made it difficult for me to express my own opinions. I was a chameleon…I changed with the whims of my beneficiary…whomever it should be.

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I’d love to say I out grew that in my late teens, early twenties like most people, but I did not. I really only broke free from the bondage of self loathing after Mr. Virgo came into my world and convinced me of my worth. Still, boundaries were a challenge. I didn’t exercise enough boundaries with my children. I didn’t exercise boundaries with friends and relationships. And I certainly didn’t practice boundaries with myself.

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As I continue to grow in my faith walk, I learn more and more about boundaries. Pastor Justin presented an excellent series this month about fixing ourselves up…just like flipping a house. First, you make sure you have a good, solid foundation. Then you give the very best of yourself. Then you get your head right. You get rid of the stinkin’ thinkin’ of the days before you were saved. Change your mind…Change your life. All these things are foundational, and well heeded. But you have to protect your progress, Pastor Justin says…by setting up boundaries. You can’t let the enemy get a foothold in this life of yours. I have been known to cuss like a sailor. I’m doing MUCH better…but I still slip.

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This is what I was referring to the other day…we are what we eat. Not literally. We aren’t broccoli and cauliflower. But what we allow to come into us, gets expressed by us into the world. Mr. FixIt and I are a team. We have to set up our perimeter to keep the enemy from infiltrating our ranks…to keep him from trying to divide and conquer. We have to work as a team and to do that, we give each other gentle reminders to shore up that boundary…that little leak in our boat. Because little leaks become big leaks and we’ll drown before we get to shore if we aren’t ever vigilant.

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Does this mean we can’t relax and kick back and enjoy life? Not at all. But it does mean we have an accountability partner in the other and we must always bring our best to the table. And we keep our perimeter wall strong and our foundation deep. Because we keep God at the top of the triangle. As we strive towards Him…we inevitably become closer. It is our recipe for success.

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It’s #MondayMotivation…time to do our spring cleaning and put our house in order. ❤️

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“Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure,”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭16:5-9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-29T02:30:54-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/29/boundaries.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Love","God","Wisdom","Humbled","Presence","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/28/the-is-the-day-the.html", "title": "The Is The Day The Lord Hath Made", "content_html": "

\"Praise\" Praise

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Let us celebrate and be GLAD in it! It is so easy to celebrate and be glad in the day when all is right in your world, isn’t it? I mean, we want God’s blessings, right? We are happy in our blessings and we (hopefully) thank God for providing for us. It’s a different story when things aren’t going well. It is SO hard to celebrate and be glad when your world is falling apart. I don’t think God is asking you to go out in the streets and celebrate with singing and dancing if you are sincerely in the throes of pain. We can still celebrate the fact we have a loving Father who is going to use our pain for good in some way. He is working in the background, far beyond our understanding, twisting and turning events to bring you favor. We can still be glad in the day he has made, even if we can’t drag ourselves out of bed to enjoy it. I’ve been there. I know what mattress surfing is like. And I still rejoiced that I had someone who loved me more than I could ever imagine.

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Bringing joy into the world isn’t always easy, but the more you try, the more you succeed, and the more you succeed, the more joy you have to give. It is truly the gift that keeps on giving. When I see joy in someone, I stop them and recognize it in them. We are here to love and encourage one another. When you let someone know that you SEE their efforts, your encouragement causes them to grow and expand. It’s an amazing gift you give them…and give yourself.

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I ran across this video last night and I just had to share with you. Here’s a little girl with more joy than she can possibly contain. Here’s a future worship leader! A future teacher! A future politician! A future doctor! She has the whole world ahead of her and plenty of joy to share. This is the day the Lord hath made…let us rejoice and be glad in it! Go out there and make it a great day today!!! ❤️

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youtu.be/3QivliBtp…

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“This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭118:24‬ ‭KJV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-28T02:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/28/the-is-the-day-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/24/it-seems-like-forever.html", "title": "It Seems Like Forever", "content_html": "

\"Three “Three Apples”

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Yesterday was International Pie Day. Ooooooh…that one blew right by me till we were watching the news last night (yes, I actually watched the news but just this once. I was updating my computer and got caught by surprise. sigh) There was one of those inevitable human interest stories that told us about the annual celebration of my all time favorite dessert…PIE! I used to bake competitively and was known as The Pie Queen in my little valley in Colorado. Those were the halcyon days of my youth, teaching people the intricacies of a proper pie crust. These days, Mr. Pillsbury and I make our pies with that fabulous ready made crust that you unroll, fill and bake. Voila! Instant dessert!

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\"\" “All the Fixins”

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Mr. FixIt and I looked at each other. It was 6:00. Still time for pie! I rummaged around in the fridge and found three apples. I still had two rolls of crust left over from the last dinner party we had. Cored, peeled, sliced, with half a lemon squeezed over it…added a couple tablespoons of that wonderful Splenda Brown Sugar blend, three tablespoons of flour, a few good shakes of apple pie spice and a tiny splash of vanilla…and mixed it well. I poured that in the bottom crust, dotted it with a couple teaspoons of butter, topped it with the second crust, slit the top and crimped the edges together. Baked at 375 for about 50 minutes and yummmmmmm…I love apple pie!

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\"Apple “In the Oven”

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As we were enjoying dessert, my plan was to head to the back of the house to write my post as I usually do. But Mr. FixIt was scanning through the shows he had recorded on the DVR. “The Story of God by Morgan Freeman?” he asked. Oh…yes please. How can you go wrong with God AND Morgan Freeman, right? I have always been fascinated with religions and the faith of all people. There were some things in the show that didn’t mesh with my interpretation of my faith, but it’s a very personal thing to each individual. I really enjoyed his interviews. We watched three episodes and saved the other two for tonight. I don’t mind watching TV as much if it’s something educational,  or a singing competition, or has Morgan Freeman in it!

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\"Apple “Apple Pie”

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In the first episode, the subject of life after death was discussed and what different faiths believe happens to us when we die. Christians live with the belief we will see our loved ones again in Heaven. I don’t know that it lessens the sting of loss, but eventually it was something that offered me some comfort. I think the idea that my loved ones got to see Jesus already is what gives me the most comfort. And…that brings me to the significance of today.

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\"\" “Wanda Belle”

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Today is my mom’s angelversary. She has been gone fourteen years. I miss her as much now as I did the day she left us so unexpectedly. I was frustrated with her that week. She wasn’t well. Her breathing was rapid. I did not know that she hadn’t eaten or drank anything for five days. I have kicked myself a million times for not calling an ambulance myself to take her to the hospital but she refused to go. I was living in Colorado. She was here in West Virginia. I can hide behind the excuse “there was nothing I could do”, but I should have. I should have just called and dealt with her being upset with me. I was mad at her because she refused to come to Colorado where there was excellent health care. I vented my frustration in the very last phone call I had with her. In the middle of the conversation, as I felt my temper start to rise, the Holy Spirit took hold of me and literally shook me. “Wake up! Wake up! This could be your last conversation!” And, it was. I am SO grateful for that I controlled my tongue for once. I told her I understood why she couldn’t come to Colorado. I understood why she didn’t want to leave her home. I mean…I didn’t at the time. But I told her that. And I told her how much I dearly loved her. I told her to just focus on getting well, that I would take care of everything. I told her I would be on a plane the next day and would be there by nightfall. She told me I couldn’t imagine what that meant to her…telling her I understood. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be with me or that she didn’t think I knew what I was talking about. She was just tired. Sick and tired. More sick and tired than she admitted to me, or I might have been more forceful. As it was, she was gone by 4:00 the next morning.

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I’ve forgiven myself for failing to make the call. I’ve forgiven myself for speaking to her in harsh tones. It’s been a long time since I shed tears for my mom, but I did as I wrote this post. My only consolation is she knew I loved her…and we will meet again someday. Until then…oh, I miss my mom. ❤️

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“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭1:3-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-24T02:30:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/24/it-seems-like-forever.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/21/when-your-body-speakslisten.html", "title": "When Your Body Speaks...Listen", "content_html": "\"WV\n

I had a huge day planned yesterday. I was really looking forward to gathering with two different groups of friends. I awoke sometime before dawn and my body just said, “Nope. Not today. Go back to sleep.” In the past, I might have forced myself up and made myself go. Since losing Mr. Virgo, I’ve learned to listen more to my body when it speaks to me.

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Grief not only causes things like “grief brain” which was illustrated in the article I shared with you the other night. Several health ailments can be attributed to grief and the resultant stress it causes. High levels of cortisol…the “fight or flight” hormone…can cause everything from high blood pressure to heart disease to depression to substance abuse. It also affects your immune system and you tend to get sick easier and things last longer. There isn’t an expiration date on grief either. You may not be actively grieving, but you can still suffer from the repercussions.

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Yesterday it was tummy trouble. Easy enough to fix with rest, fluids and over the counter medications. I have to be extra careful with things like gluten and fats now. I didn’t have to do that before Mr. Virgo died. Another thing that came my way was an autoimmune response to grief and I developed plantar-palmar psoriasis. I doctored that with steroids and every psoriasis cream known to man. I tried folk remedies and old wive’s tales. Nothing touched it till last year when I started using doTerra’s LifePak vitamins and CBD (canabidiol) ointment. It’s pretty well controlled now with occasional applications and I take a small dose of the vitamins every other day or so.

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Nothing is the same after a profound loss. For a long time, I grieved not only for Mr. Virgo…but also for the ME that I lost in the process of grieving. When I finally let go of trying to recreate my life the way it was before, I began to embrace the life I was building. It’s much, much better but the physical things still creep up on me from time to time. I still find them frustrating, even though I am much better at listening to my body now. When it says, “Go back to sleep”…unless I have something that I absolutely HAVE to do…I listen. I texted my friends and told them I was going to have to bow out because I didn’t feel well. They totally understood. There will be other opportunities to get together. And I spent the day reading. I haven’t spent the day reading in ages because for the longest time, my grief brain wouldn’t allow me to concentrate long enough to get through a book. It was lovely to be able to read…and comprehend what I was reading. Mr. Fixit watched college basketball and a couple of movies while I cuddled up on the couch and listened to recordings of campfires and thunderstorms.

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Remember…self care is not selfish. It is necessary. If you are alone, you may have the freedom to practice self care any time, but not always. I am fortunate to have this wonderful man who understands and supports my need for self care on a regular basis. What a gift he is to me. ❤️

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“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”\n‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:7-11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-21T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/21/when-your-body-speakslisten.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/20/savor-the-sweet.html", "title": "Savor the Sweet", "content_html": "\"Woman\n

The first time I set foot in a trout stream, I was six years old. It was the summer before my life would be forever changed by the illicit touch of a stranger. The summer of 1960 found my family on its very first vacation. We traveled to the mountains of West Virginia and rented a small cabin for a week. I remember mom frying trout in an iron skillet. I remember my brother and I playing quietly in the shade of the many trees surrounding our camp. I remember my dad standing in the shallow middle, up to his knees, casting over and over with the flies he had meticulously tied at his workbench in the basement. And I remember the river. The North Fork of the South Branch of the Potomac River, to be exact.

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I didn’t have much experience with open bodies of water. Mom had instilled an unhealthy fear of water in me with stories of the time she saved her baby sister from drowning. She had no intention of ever having to save me, so I was banished from any water sports. And, it turns out…I’m a bit of a water baby. I remember one day in particular. Dad was out in his favorite fishing hole, patiently casting, and I stood at the river’s edge. I contemplated the ripples as they passed over the smooth river rocks. I gazed at the deep pools that changed to the color of emeralds where the sandy bottom lay two or three feet below. I delighted at the light dancing on the surface like a thousand diamonds and the trout flashing as they breached the surface to catch their next meal.

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That was a simple and peaceful summer…the last I would know before my innocence was taken from me. But, that is not to say, I have never found moments that have recaptured that sense of awe and wonder. I have…many times. Yesterday was one of those days that delivered sweet things…one after another…till I was overflowing with the beauty and simplicity of it all.

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I made my routine trip to the farm to see how the kitties are fairing. I checked the stove and the basement. I sat, as I always do, in the chair in “Grandma’s Window” and watched the birds at the feeder. I listened to the sounds of an old house…living and breathing…its bones creaking like the old woman that she is. I watched the pendulum in Mr. Virgo’s clock swing back and forth, reminding me I couldn’t stay too long. We had company coming.

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I stopped at the neighbor’s for a bit and delivered a small gift of French Truffles. We passed the time, catching up on the news of the neighbors and I left with promises it wouldn’t be so long till my next visit. I turned the truck toward home. I checked the mail and found a pink slip…a package had come and would be waiting for me at the post office. Mr. FixIt offered to go pick it up as I put the groceries away. I no sooner sat down till our company arrived.

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Mr. FixIt’s granddaughter and her family brought their baby to see Papaw and GG! I have inherited a whole passel of people in this relationship, including a son and his wife, a daughter and her man, three granddaughters (two of whom have significant others), a grandson and his girlfriend, and a great granddaughter. You know what that means, don’t you? I am a great grandmother! And…considering I am WAY too young to be one (smile)…I am GG. Great Grandma. Grandma Ginny. GG. It suits me. The baby is four months old and the most precious little thing. What a treat to hold and rock a little one again!

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Before long, Mr. FixIt came back with my box. I couldn’t wait to open it. It was a special introductory gift box from my dear friend, and fellow Sister on the Fly, Michelle McMullen Cummings with her newly published book, The Reel Sisters! https://www.thereelsisters.com/product/the-reel-sisters-gift-box/ Now I have two books to read, one published and one unpublished with an invitation to write early praise for its release. Both written by strong women I admire and I can’t wait to get into them! The reminder of these sister friendships warmed my heart as rocked and sang a lullaby to the newest member of our immediate family. I thought…”I will teach you to fly, little sister” as I sniffed the top of her sweet, soft head.

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I am enjoying getting to know and bond with Mr. FixIt’s family. As his granddaughter bundled up the baby and prepared to leave yesterday, she turned to me and said, “I like you. You make my grandpa very happy.” I like her, too. She reminds me a little of myself when I was her age. A young mother, in love with her baby, her life stretching before her like an endless summer. It filled me with a soft warmth. As I sat propped in our bed last night, typing away at the keyboard writing this post, that very happy Papaw came in with a small bowl of ice cream and a kiss on the top of my head. And I swear…my heart exploded with joy.

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The sweet simplicity of a life lived with boundless joy. My God has delivered me far, far from the pain life can bring. For now. There will be pain again. There always is. This is life, after all. The difference is, I have this now. I am building my insurance policy. These stories are money in my emotional bank…stories to look back upon one day and remember the joy I felt on a cold January day in the sun. ❤️

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“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”\n‭‭James‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-20T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/20/savor-the-sweet.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/19/catching-up.html", "title": "Catching Up", "content_html": "\"Coffee\n

One of the best ways to catch up with paperwork is to have peaceful surroundings. Mr. FixIt had a day of errands to do. I think he kinda wanted me to tag along with him yesterday, but I know us well…I would have ended up coming in at 9:30 last night and none of this work would have gotten done.

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As soon as he left (with a big hug and kiss) I turned on praise music and cranked it up. I always need a little extra dose of Jesus when I am heading into a formidable task. Wading through many bags and boxes of papers and sorting them into some sort of organization that allows me to actually put my finger on things was the order of the day. With praise, and good coffee and French Truffles…I waded in with both feet and started making the first cuts. What was trash. What needed to be kept in which pile. I really, really hate paperwork! “Jesus is calling…” I can do this. “Do you thirst for a drink from the well…” I can do this. “The Father’s arms are open wide…” Oh, yes…I can definitely do this! “Bring your sorrows and trade them for joy…” YES…let’s DO this!!!

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As I often do, I talk out loud to Jesus when I’m working. The conversation is never one-sided. He always speaks to me through the Holy Spirit and tells me everything I need to hear. First, he smacks my hand a little…”Keep up with this stuff better.” He chides gently. “You know what an ordeal it is when you put it off till the end of the year. It seems overwhelming. If it’s difficult to slog through…remember to talk with me while you’re working. It makes the time pass faster. And, I can help. I can help you put things into perspective. I can help you find lost papers. I can help you remember who you need to talk to about this and that. I can help you make important decisions. Just remember to include me…even in the most mundane of your daily activities.”

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Then He goes on with his daily teaching. “Thank your Father for the gifts you receive. See all these papers? They are all articles of provision. That bank account? I gave you that gift to provide for your every need. Respect that. Balance every month…not because it’s a drudge, but because it’s an honor to see the abundance you have been provided with. The same goes for that insurance policy you have been complaining about because the price went up. Be grateful you HAVE insurance…and so far, you haven’t run out of money to pay for it. What about that accident last February? I know you have been dreading searching for all the papers you need to have in order to finish out that claim. Yes, that’s a pain…but, I made sure you weren’t terribly injured. And you received a much newer truck when yours was totaled. It was “a miracle” when you got that check that just almost covered the new truck, wasn’t it? It was Me…I made sure you have a safe, affordable vehicle. A little gratitude goes a long way, dear one.”

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What blessings I have. I have a Father that provides for me. I have a loving family that supports and loves me. I have this tremendous man in my life who loves me and shares his home with me as if it has always been mine…he’s just been waiting for me to come along. I have my health. I have the farm. I have TOW-Wanda. I have a retirement. I have Social Security and health insurance and soon, I’ll have Medicare…that carrot at the end of the race that will help provide for me in my golden years. I have a house…TWO houses…THREE if you count TOW-Wanda…to shelter me from the storms of life. I have food and clean water and clothes. I am wealthy….beyond my wildest dreams. I am LOVED. What a lovely way to look at the mundane, dreary chore of sorting through paperwork. What a lovely way to look at the world. Thank you, God! “You’re a good, good Father…it’s who you are, it’s who you are…” ❤️

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“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:19‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-19T02:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/19/catching-up.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/17/times-up.html", "title": "Time’s Up", "content_html": "\"Time’s\n

I was a doctor’s wife. I had a beautiful life, for all intents and purposes. While he wasn’t a demonstrative man, I felt I was coping as best I could with his inability to meet my emotional needs. He was a good provider and a good dad. I could overlook the rest. There came a point when I started unraveling a bit. The clouds of depression circled around but never lit very long in those days. That is, until I went in for a physical. My doctor asked how I was doing and I told him I was a bit blue of late. I would often walk into the baby’s room, pick her up and rock her…and cry. “Hmmmmm… Inappropriate crying.” he wrote in my chart. He gave me a prescription for Zoloft and the race to self destruction began. How could I tell him why I was crying? How could I do that in the short time he had allotted for this visit? It was so much deeper than any pill could ever reach.

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As I write this, I’m watching the gymnasts facing their abusive doctor in court. What a different world it is for sexual abuse victims now. My first abuser was a senior in high school. I was eight or nine. I was playing with a friend when the big boy lured us into a garage to “look at toys”. When he had his hand in my pants, he was whispering things in my ear I didn’t understand. Mom said don’t talk to strangers. But “Butterball” lived in the neighborhood. We knew him. I stood stock still in the belief he would leave. When he was done with me, he went for my friend. In that moment, my maternal instincts kicked in and I grabbed her hand and ran down the hill to her house. I pounded on the door and her mother came to answer. I was frantic and told her what had happened. She opened the screen door and I thought…”Oh, thank God! She’s going to save us!” Mrs. G grabbed her daughter and drew her in the house. As I started to go in, she placed her hand on my chest, pushed me out the door, and said, “Don’t you EVER say anything like that EVER again to ANYBODY!” Then she slammed the door in my face.

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I went to my house and sat on the lawn trying to figure out what had happened. When I was really little, my babysitter’s teenage daughter had sex with her boyfriend in her room all the time. She caught me watching once and beat the tar out of me and told me I was bad. And here, a mother I knew and trusted told me I was bad and I had a pretty good idea it had something to do with that physical act I had no name for. I made a concrete decision right there. I would take Mrs. G’s advice. I would not tell my mom. I mean, what if I told her and SHE put me out on the street like my friend’s mom??? I would die!

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I never told, nor did I tell about the time it happened with my best friend’s dad when I was twelve or thirteen. You know…when you are convinced you are bad from your earliest memories, that kind of damage runs deeply and permanently in your DNA.

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I didn’t tell until I was watching my girls on the living room floor, playing. Daughter #1 was sixteen. Daughter #2 was one. I don’t know if it was the way the sun came in through the window or the way my daughter tucked her hair behind her ear or maybe it was the sound of their sweet innocent voices but suddenly those memories came rushing back with such force it nearly knocked me to my knees. The shadow of depression that was floating just out of my reach crashed on me with the force of a tsunami. That is when I started rocking my baby in the night…weeping. “Inappropriate crying”? I think not. I was trying to figure out how I was going to protect this precious child from the horrors that await little girls in the great big world. I was weeping for that little girl in me who was abused then turned away by someone who could have helped her..SHOULD have helped her. I was trying to figure out just one thing in my 38-year-old mind…”Who can I tell? And, what the hell does it matter now?” Just, please God…keep them safe.

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The fact that I’m sitting here alive and well, and that my children are beautiful and safely grown is testimony to a mother’s strength and courage. The road was long and filled with unexploded ordinance, but we made it through. I told my mom everything when I was about forty. I was hyper vigilant with my girls but they were never abused under my watch. Now, I tell and tell and tell in an effort to teach prevention and give permission to tell your own stories. Because, #timesup. No more secrets. No more lies. No more hiding in the dark.

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Yes…I’m proud of these young gymnasts. And, everyone else in the #metoo movement. I wish there had been this same moral outrage when these athletes came forward. It would have helped them so much because, just as it’s difficult to walk the path of grief alone, so too is the walk of abuse. It is the original “walk of shame”…only we did nothing wrong. It was not our fault.

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While I never wish pain on people as a rule, I felt a certain vindication when I watched that doctor with his face in his hands as he is forced to sit there while victim after victim sit before him and tell their stories. To see him take off his glasses and wipe the tears away and hang his head in shame gave me great satisfaction. My abuse occurred in a time when such things weren’t talked about. Therefore, my abusers went on and lived their lives unscathed. I don’t know if they ever felt bad. Did they ever have remorse? Did they ever think of me? Did they ever want to ask for my forgiveness but didn’t know where to find me? Or better yet, did they ask God to forgive them? Did they find salvation? Will we meet somewhere and have the opportunity to talk? One is dead. Too late. I’m not sure about the other one. He’d be about 74 years old now. I’ve forgiven them both long ago. But I do often wonder…what if? What if I could sit (or could have sat) in front of my abusers and tell them what their actions did to me. How it affected my family, my relationships, my children. How it affected my views of the world and my sense of personal safely and my relationship to sexuality. How their few moments stolen from me left a deep chasm in my psyche that I urgently tried to fill with drugs and alcohol, sex and shopping. How the memories I had so carefully packed deeply away in a place that could never be opened came crashing out on a sunny Saturday morning…ripping my neat and tidy little suburban doctor’s wife life into shreds.

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Inappropriate crying?!?! You got a couple of hours to listen to WHY I was holding my baby and crying?!?! You tell me, doc. Because at that point, I had no words to describe what had happened, no one to listen…to really hear…and only tears to shed. Your answer? Drugs. Drugs, drugs, and more drugs.

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“Shhhhh…here. Take this. Let us help.”

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I was very nearly “doctored to death”.

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Yes, today I am proud of these beautiful young women doing a job no one in their right mind wants to do. We should be living in a world where we don’t ever NEED to have these conversations. As Oprah said…there is a change coming.

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Accountability.

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A new dawn is rising.

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Time’s up. ❤️

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“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:6‬ ‭NIV

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-17T02:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/17/times-up.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/16/on-being-loved.html", "title": "On Being Loved", "content_html": "\"Flowers\n

Mr. FixIt and I have developed this little routine the last few months. We have a nice dinner and clear up the dishes. We sit together for a while and talk or maybe watch a movie or an episode of Big Bang or MASH. When it’s time for a bedtime snack, I take mine into the bedroom at the far end of the house and write while my sweetie watches a ball game or the news and weather. It works out great and we both have that little bit of alone time everyone needs in a relationship. I’ve taken to listening to nature sounds on Amazon Music as I write so quite often, in my head, there’s a thunderstorm raging or ocean waves are gently lapping at the shore or birds are singing in a tropical rainforest. It’s so soothing and easy to write to.

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My guy bowls on a couple of leagues and has for over thirty years. Bowling offered him the opportunity to socialize with fun people. He is gregarious, and bowling has been a great outlet for him. The other night he stopped at the store on the way home. He always calls me before he heads home because no matter where we are staying…his house or mine…it is a good forty minutes from town. He asks if I need anything. Usually, I don’t. He called me from the driveway the other night and asked me to open the door. He’s not supposed to carry anything in his bad hand yet. When I greeted him at the door, he handed me the groceries and I ducked in the kitchen with them. It was SO cold out there…I wanted away from the door as fast as I could. When I turned around to hug him, he handed me this bouquet of yellow roses.

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I love yellow roses. I love great big bouquets of mixed flowers but all in white. I love a live orchid. Mr. Virgo used to bring me flowers. And now…I have this sweet love…this good, good man. And HE brings me flowers, too. Guys like Mr. Virgo and Mr. FixIt are a rare breed. My sweetheart told me the other day he wished we had started dating in high school so we could have had our whole lives together. I understand that thinking, and it’s sweet…really. But the thing is, we are the people we are right now simply BECAUSE of the life experiences we have been through. There is a really big chance we wouldn’t have gotten along in our early years. All of our experiences have been opportunities for personal growth. We came together when we did because it was GOD’S timing…not ours.

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When we can move over and get out of the way, God does extraordinary things in our lives. “Let go and let God” isn’t just a pithy saying or a tired cliche from an AA meeting. It is straight outta the instruction manual for life…the Bible. Oh, we are such proud creatures. We want to have control. We want to steer the boat and make it go where WE want it. At any given moment, there is a preordained course designed specifically for us. God knows your name. He has plans to prosper you. God loves you more than anyone in the world. He loves you more than you can fathom. You can make it SO much easier if you put God in the driver’s seat. The easiest way to do that is ask. Just ask Him…first thing in the morning. “Where are you going to take me today, Lord?” Then get out of the way. Oh, my…could it really be that easy??? ❤️

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“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-16T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/16/on-being-loved.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Aging","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/13/the-umbrella-incident-or-how.html", "title": "“The Umbrella Incident” or “How to Feed Your Man”", "content_html": "

\"Winter “Winter Flooding in West Virginia” by Ginny McKinney

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It all started innocently enough. It was going to rain and I was heading to town soon. As I jumped in the shower, I called out to Mr. FixIt.

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“Honey…would you mind grabbing my umbrella out of the truck?”

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When I got dressed and was heading out the door, I looked around. My umbrella wasn’t there. I asked if he had gotten it for me and Mr. FixIt said no. There was an umbrella there by the door. Now, it was a perfectly good umbrella. One that, you know, keeps rain off of you. But I wanted MY umbrella and I felt Mr. FixIt had made a decision for me. I didn’t like it.

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Silly…that was just plain silly of me. But, I am my mother’s daughter and stubborn is my middle name. I hopped out the door and into the rain…sans umbrella.

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“I’ll show YOU!” I thought as I made a mad dash for the truck. “I don’t need your stinky old boy umbrella!”

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Ridiculous. I got wet because I got my nose out of joint. And why? Because, somewhere in the far recesses of my mind I equated “Please get my umbrella.” with “Please tell me you love me.” That is old school thinking right there…something I thought I left behind like…two relationships ago.

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It’s been a couple of weeks now. And ever since, I’ve been criticizing Mr. FixIt’s every move. Mostly because he’s a man and he had surgery and he’s SUPPOSED to be taking care of that hand so it will heal properly and he’s as stubborn as me and he does things his way and….did I say he was stubborn? I have spent the better part of two weeks with “Don’t pick that up!” And “Here…let ME do it!” I think there were eye-rolls involved. All of this was done in an effort to punish him for a perceived slight that was nothing more than something made up in my head. Some unpacked baggage from seasons past that has absolutely nothing to do with him.

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Then…the rain started.

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It rained…hard. Yesterday morning I awoke to the sounds of the carpet cleaner sucking water up from the rug downstairs. The basement flooded! I jumped up and ran downstairs. And there was my man…emptying one gallon containers of dirty water into the sink…carrying them with two hands, one of which he isn’t supposed to lift anything heavier than popcorn.

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“Breathe…breathe…don’t scold him. He’s not a child.” My inner voice reasoned with me.

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“Did you plug in the sump pump?” I asked.

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“No.” Shoulders slumped. Voice dejected.

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“Are you kidding me?” I asked.

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Shoulders slumped more. “Stupid. It was stupid.”

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I took the carpet cleaner and started that part myself so he wouldn’t have to carry the bucket to the sink. Mr. FixIt went about sweeping up water in the room without carpet. He ran the vacuum. We didn’t talk much. Then I sent him off on an errand to town.

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After he left, I went upstairs and fixed myself a cup of coffee. I sipped it as I ran the carpet cleaner back and forth over the soggy carpet. And I fumed. Then I could see the dejected slump of my sweetheart’s shoulders and my heart softened.

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“Lord,” I said out loud. “I haven’t been loving this wonderful man you gave me the way I should. I haven’t been loving him the way you love me. And all because he didn’t get my umbrella for me!”

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I sucked up more water, emptied the bucket, and began again.

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“Lord, please give me the heart of a cheerful servant. Let me see all of his good qualities and none of the annoying traits that make us human. Can you do that for me, please?” I asked with sincere earnestness in my voice.

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Suddenly, the old hymn “Farther Along” started up in my mind and I began to sing out loud as I vacuumed up bucket after bucket of water.

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“Tempted and tried we’re oft made to wonder\nWhy it should be thus all the day long\nWhile there are others living about us\nNever molested though in the wrong.

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Farther along we’ll know all about it\nFarther along well understand why\nCheer up my brother, live in the sunshine\nWe’ll understand it all by and by.

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When death has come and taken our loved ones\nIt leaves our home so lonely and drear\nThen do we wonder why others prosper\nLiving so wicked year after year.

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When we see Jesus coming in glory\nWhen he comes down from his home in the sky\nThen we shall meet him in that bright mansion\nWe’ll understand it all by and by.

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Farther along we’ll know all about it\nFarther along we’ll understand why\nCheer up my brother, live in the sunshine\nWe’ll understand it all by and by.

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Yes, we’ll understand it…all by and by.”

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I sang and sang and in two verses…maybe three…something happened. Any negative thoughts I had been having dissolved. My heart was soft and open. God had indeed given me the heart of a cheerful servant, just as I had asked.

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I went on and worked, happily singing and emptying bucket after bucket of dirty flood water. I worked for about three hours when Mr. FixIt walked in carrying breakfast for me. I went upstairs and gave him a great big hug and an even bigger smile. I thanked him profusely for bringing me a warm breakfast. I hadn’t taken time to eat. I patted the seat beside me. He shook his head and said no…he needed to get back to it.

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“Please?” I begged. “Just for a minute.”

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He smiled and sat down.

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“Sweetheart, listen…I know you feel stupid for not plugging in the sump pump. But, I could have thought of it, too. And I didn’t. We unplugged it to put up the snowman for Christmas and just forgot. We make mistakes…it happens. It wasn’t your fault.” I put my hand on his knee and looked at him intently. I wanted to make sure he heard me.

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Mr. FixIt turned those baby blues to mine and gave me his sweetest smile. And, I felt I’d made it right. This is how you feed a man. You feed his spirit. You feed his soul. You breathe life into him. When you start looking for the bad in your love…that’s all you will see. I really, REALLY don’t want to go there. Do I get it right all the time? Oh, heck no! I’m human, too. I stumble and forget and let my lower self talk WAY too often. But sometimes I get it right. Sometimes I remember to ask God for help. Yesterday was one of those days. ❤️

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“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”\n‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-13T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/13/the-umbrella-incident-or-how.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/12/here-comes-the-rain.html", "title": "Here Comes the Rain", "content_html": "

\"The “Belpre Bridge” by Ginny McKinney

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Yesterday morning was sunny and warm. By warm, I mean 47. As in…above freezing! And by afternoon it was 72 degrees according to the thermometer on my truck. swoon I haven’t felt this warm since sometime back in September. It was downright balmy out there!

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Mr. FixIt and I had errands to run yesterday and he asked me mid-day what I’d like for lunch. My go to favorite? The Southwest Grilled Chicken Salad with Fat Free Honey Mustard Dressing from Chik-fil-A! And my go to favorite place to eat it? Point Park in Parkersburg. I wanted to watch the ice floes out on the Ohio River. Yesterday, there were three Blue Herons and a bunch of Seagulls sitting out on the ice. I believe two gents were trying to woo the same lady heron because one kept shooing off the interloper. Said lady was having none of it and kept flying away from Mr. Romance.

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It had just started raining when we parked in our favorite spot. We really wanted to see a tug pushing barges through the ice but unfortunately, none came along. As an update, Mr. FixIt started working with a hand therapist yesterday. He’s doing really well. He did strain it a little last Sunday night when he pushed up off the floor, but it’s much better now. The therapist made a custom splint for his wrist and thumb that is much sturdier than the one he was given at the surgeon’s office and I am relieved. I was very worried he would slip on the ice and snow last week and really do some damage. We sure don’t want to have to go through this again!

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One of my friends and his wife lost their faithful companion, Blue, yesterday. When I was so lonely and hurting, so many of my readers encouraged me to adopt a dog, but this is exactly why I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t put myself through that loss. Mr. Virgo and I put our seventeen-year-old Yorkie-Maltese mix down just three months before Mr. Virgo himself died suddenly. We had had Cricket cremated and were going to spread her ashes in the flower garden in the spring. When Mr. Virgo died, I just put that little box of ashes in the casket with him and swore I’d never have another dog. My heart aches for those who lose their beloved fur babies.

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With the nature of grief being so unpredictable, sometimes you literally feel as though you are just one crisis away from losing it entirely. I cannot tell you how many times I have been in the throes of grief, and the accompanying anxiety, and I have felt like I just couldn’t handle one more thing. As a matter of fact, the FEAR of having one more thing happen actually escalated everything. I have an arsenal of coping strategies at my disposal, but sometimes the slope is too steep and the boulder gains too much momentum too fast. There were so many nights when it all got away from me and all I could do was cling to God and pray for morning. If I can get a hold of the wave early enough, the best thing I can do is get out of the situation I’m in. It usually hits me when I’m in bed, so I get up and do something…scrub the kitchen floor, clean out the fridge, run the vacuum.

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Another thing that will stop things from spinning out of control for me is writing. There have been countless times I’ve sat down to write my post while I’m feeling the waves of grief and anxiety come over me. As I write, I can literally feel the stress, fear, and anxiety fade…sometimes melting away entirely. I can’t stress enough how much writing can help you through grief. You don’t have to have a blog. Get a journal and write in it every night. I not only wrote this blog, but I filled several personal journals through the first two or three years after Mr. Virgo died. Writing saved me. TOW-Wanda saved me. God saved me. ❤️

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““This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Write in a book all the words I have spoken to you.”\n‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭30:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-12T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/12/here-comes-the-rain.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/11/the-bent-reed.html", "title": "The Bent Reed", "content_html": "

\"The “The Bent Reed” by Ginny McKinney

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A lot of people are struggling right now. I don’t know what it is about January. Sure, there’s the let down after the holidays. There’s the long, dark nights. There’s the bitterly cold, grey days. But there’s more than that. There’s a lot of loss.

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I have friends who are dealing with very serious health issues…either of their own or members of their immediate family. I get prayer requests daily…from multiple people. Disasters, accidents, illness, death. Add this on top of the usual slump of January and it can send you down in a spiral in a hurry.

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I was reminded of this beautiful verse the other day. I wish I would have had it written down so I could have carried it with me in those first long dark winter months without Mr. Virgo. I know it would have helped. As with all things, it has come to me now…when it means the most. When I need it the most. When I need to share it. God always provides.

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My mom died after a brief illness of five days in January 2014. My cousin’s husband a year later at 50. My sweet Uncle Bob the next January. January is just not a good month…for me and for a lot of other people.

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I bought a new computer the other day. When I was setting it up this week, I noticed a bunch of photos had come down out of the cloud. I hadn’t seen them in a long time, since my computer has been on the fritz for a while. I was scrolling through when my screen was filled with…Mr. Virgo…in his casket. A friend took the picture for me. At first, I thought it was macabre. Then I realized I needed to have that. For a long time it was the only thing that would allow me to cry. I needed to get that out. But somewhere along the line, the pictures from the funeral home made their way up into the cloud and I didn’t see them again. Till this week. It was like getting sucker punched when that popped up, filling my screen with a vision so painful you can feel it in your bones.

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Yes, a lot of people are struggling. Debbie’s husband Toby is in the hospital. Sue’s friend had a biopsy today. Lynn’s family is struggling. Diane lost both her parents and her father-in-law in Januarys along the way and her best friend just lost his dad. The world seems to be reeling under forces whipping it into a frenzy. So, again…I am reminded of this verse.

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God will not break a bent reed. He will not snuff out a smoldering flame. When you are at your weakest point, God is still strong. The same God that gave his Son. The same God that walked on water and rose the dead and healed blind men. The same God that breathed life into this world lives today. And He knocks. And He waits. He is a patient, polite God. He will not impose himself. He will not barge in on you. He waits for you to open the door. Opening that door is what has made it possible for me to keep breathing, to keep walking forward through every storm…through every season. I was only bent. ❤️

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“A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out…”\n‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭42:3‬ ‭NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2018-01-11T02:30:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/11/the-bent-reed.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/07/epiphany.html", "title": "Epiphany", "content_html": "\"“Epiphany”\n

Epiphany

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Epiphany; noun: plural noun: epiphanies

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A) the manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi (Matthew 2:1–12).

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B) the festival commemorating the Epiphany on January 6.

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C) a manifestation of a divine or supernatural being.

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D) a moment of sudden revelation or insight.

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Yesterday was Epiphany. Traditionally, it marks the end of the Christmas Season. The day the Three Wise Men visited the baby Jesus and bestowed their gifts to Him.

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Epiphany also means a sudden revelation, insight, and/or appearance of a supernatural being. Eighteen years ago, I experienced epiphany on many, many levels. I was seven years into a devastating depression…one I could see no way out of. I was over prescribed medications by a medical community that my husband at the time belonged to. I was a doctor’s wife. I had WAY too ready access to medications I had no business being on because a referral pattern is a terrible thing to waste. Doctors hate to take care of other doctor’s family. It puts a lot of pressure on them to go above and beyond…to be exemplary…to have a positive outcome, no matter what. Unfortunately for me, that meant seven years of medications that made me a zombie. Add a psychiatrist who told me at every visit, that this was just the way I was…I would need to take these medicines every day for the rest of my life…that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain. I lost my 40’s…literally. My marriage was irreparably damaged. December of 1999 found me struggling. My 20th Anniversary came and my husband told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore. I was devastated. I couldn’t see how I could possibly live without him. I circled the drain and on January 6, 2000…I overdosed on two full bottles of pills and I very easily could have died.

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As they worked on me in the emergency room…these doctors and nurses with whom my husband and I socialized…I “faded”. My vision became a tunnel. My hearing damped down till it sounded like I had tin cans over my ears. I didn’t see a great white light like some talk about when they have a near-death experience. I’ve drawn it here, as close as I can. It was this incredibly beautiful disc of cobalt blue with golden rays of light radiating from it all around like an eclipse. It was ethereal and sparkly and incredibly peaceful.

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As I stood in this immense ocean of blue light, my hearing left me and there was no sound. Dead air. Nothing. And suddenly, my grandma’s voice cut through the silence and straight into my left ear, as if she were standing beside me and bent down to speak directly to me. She shouted at me!

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“Young lady…you get back down there right now! You have work to do!!!”

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Immediately, my eyes flew open wide and I was in the ER, lying on a gurney, the overhead light shining in my eyes. I squinted at the glare and the sudden rush of noise. I rolled up on my side and threw up violently. After a while, I turned on my back. A nurse was leaning over me…a look of sincere concern on her face. I burst into tears when I realized what had happened. I kept crying, “I’m so ashamed, I’m so ashamed, I’m so ashamed.” She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me close to her and whispered in my ear, “You have nothing to be ashamed of. You’ve been sick. You’re going to be ok.”

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I was at the bottom of the barrel in that moment and I had to begin a very long climb back. It took a great deal of intense therapy to convince me the other doctor was wrong and I really didn’t have a chemical imbalance in my brain. It took a full three years to wean off the medications he had me on. My marriage was over. I nearly lost my relationship with my kids. It took a huge amount of work, strength, and determination to rebuild my life.

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I think that experience actually gave me tools to help me cope with losing Mr. Virgo years later. I survived that horrible ordeal. I surely could survive this one. I’ll survive the next. It’s fitting that the overdose occurred on Epiphany. The symbolic ending. The supernatural appearance of my grandma’s disembodied voice…nine months after her death. The moment of sudden revelation and insight that I had gone as far away from where God wanted me to be as I could possibly go.

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I look back on those years with a sadness that I lost so much. I look back on that night with the absolute conviction that God sent the one person I would listen to…my grandma. I believe with all my heart that God saved me that night because He wasn’t done with me. He still had work for me to do. And, I also believe I could not have done any of this work if I had never had those seven years of walking through hell…if I had never had that devastating overdose…if I had not nearly lost everything.

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Those of you who have been following me for a long time have probably heard this story before because I consider January 6th my “Re-Birth Day” in a literal sense. My second chance. My do-over. And for those of you new enough that you haven’t heard it yet, it might give you a sense of where I’ve been, even before the devastating loss of Mr. Virgo. We all have struggles in life. And, so far, I’ve survived all of them 100% of the time. For a long time, I was embarrassed by this story. Depression. Anxiety. Drugs. Dysfunction. Once I became a Christian, I realized God can use me to help others in similar circumstances. If I shine His Light into every dark corner of my life and show that Light to you, then I am doing what He put me on this earth to do. I’m at peace with that part of my life now. It doesn’t embarrass me. I am not ashamed. I am strengthened by a God that wouldn’t let ME decide it was time to go. I am immensely grateful for the opportunities I’ve been given…a chance to rebuild broken relationships…a chance at great love, not just once, but twice. I’ve lost much…but I’ve gained so much more. ❤️

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““Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.”\n‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭60:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-07T02:30:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/07/epiphany.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Presence","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/06/greater-is-the-one.html", "title": "Greater is the One", "content_html": "\"Earth\n

The nature of my writing has grown with the changes I have gone through on my grief journey. Early on, it was so incredibly painful to even try to put words together to express my pain. I understood for the first time how God could hear our prayers when all we can manage are groans. Once the words started, it was like releasing a torrent. My pain literally fell onto the pages and it was emotionally exhausting…for me, and for you as well. The release was cathartic. The more I let it go, the more my heart healed.

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Not everyone has a blog where they can release the pent up pain, anger, frustration, confusion that comes with grief. I am blessed with this venue and I don’t take any of you for granted. Your feedback and support has been so incredibly healing for me. I am blessed with family and friends who were supportive during the early months of my grief. The day Mr. Virgo died and I called my daughters, they dropped what they were doing and jumped in their cars to begin the long drive to be with me. They stayed by my side. They answered the phone for me. They made important calls. They took me everywhere I needed to go. Daughter #1 slept with me every night with her arm across my chest to protect me, to calm me, to reassure me I was not alone.

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People gathered and surrounded me with love and support and food. My daughters and I bought every funny DVD we could find and tried to find someplace to land besides terror and pain. My friends held me in silence…the same friends who dressed me for my wedding and placed the flowers all around. Here they were…nearly six years to the day…doing the only thing they could do. After we lay Mr. Virgo in the ground, we gathered at our home…my home. I went straight to the humidor and got the expensive cigar he was saving for golf in the summer. I grabbed the bottle of Courvoisier I had used for Mr. Virgo’s favorite fruitcake. And I gathered the men…and my younger daughter. She was particularly close to her stepdad. We went to the front porch and smoked the cigar, and passed the bottle around till it was gone. We told manly stories of golf and travel, hotels and restaurants…all things Mr. Virgo.

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After everyone left, the family gathered me up and took me to a restaurant to entice me to eat. I hadn’t had much of anything but coffee for days. It was the day before St. Patrick’s Day…a fine day to be buried, Mr. Virgo would have said. My daughters needed to get back to Denver. Daughter #1 offered to stay longer if I needed her. And while I did…desperately…I said no. I knew she needed to get back to her own family…her own life. And so, just like that, they were gone. And the house became quiet.

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I stayed home alone for a week. I had paperwork to do and some things to wrap up at work. I packed a bag, stopped my mail, and headed to Denver to be near the kids. My son-in-law’s parents kept me at their home. I don’t remember the first week I was there…except that I didn’t get dressed for a week and only occasionally ventured out of the room for a little food. I slept much of the time. Finally, I started to join the land of the living again.

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Slowly…ever so slowly…I moved forward. Days became weeks and week, months. The firsts started…my first birthday without him, his birthday, the holidays. Our wedding anniversary was just three weeks after he died. People called to see how I was doing. They sent cards and texts and checked in with me on Facebook. One of my daughter’s friends from high school contacted me every week for the first year. And eventually…they all moved on. It was inevitable. They can’t stay forever. They can’t stop their lives forever.

\n

At first, I was really put out. I still needed to vent. I still needed to cry. I needed to tell every story, a hundred times. I needed so much. I needed more than they could ever give. I have to say, I never felt completely abandoned. I am blessed to have the most fabulous people in my life who would listen to me even today if I called and cried. However…I did feel “like a burden”, as one of my readers put it. I didn’t want to unload on them all the time. Somehow, I managed to reach that tipping point where I realized I needed to start managing this pain on my own. That was a really lonely stretch. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t have to sit in that “waiting room” (as my friend Christina Rasmussen calls it in her book, Second Firsts) forever, but I had no idea how long I’d be in this social limbo. I wanted to stay alone forever AND I wanted to be with people. I wanted to be invited out AND I wanted to never talk to another soul. I wanted to feel normal AND I didn’t want to feel anything. Oh….grief is crazy making.

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I had to have something to hang onto…something, someONE, who would anchor me and keep me from flying off the face of the earth. Even though I had been a Christian for seven years, I only attended church sporadically. One Sunday morning, many months after Mr. Virgo died, I decided I needed to talk to someone who never tired of hearing my cries. Someone who would give and give and give…no matter how much I needed. Who would love me no matter how messy or messed up I got. I went back to church…and I’ve been going ever since.

\n

As much as people want to help…they are people. They are fallible. They can say the wrong things. They can feel overwhelmed by your pain. They can burn out from your grief. But God? God never gets tired of hearing from you. God never gets tired of comforting you. He never gets tired of holding you close. Greater is the one who lives within me than the one who lives in the world. God is the one…the only one who will always, always love you. Even when you cry that horrible snot-slinging cry that no one needs to see. Even when you are so anxious you stay up puking all night. Even when your life seems not worth living. The only way you can lose is to give up. Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. Because joy comes again. It sneaks in the cracks of your broken heart when you least expect it. Not all at once…just a little tiny bit at a time. But it comes, dear one. Hang on…it comes. ❤️

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“You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”\n‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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#God, #Love, #Light

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-06T02:30:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/06/greater-is-the-one.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/05/deep-freeze.html", "title": "Deep Freeze", "content_html": "

\"Winter Winter Dawn by Ginny McKinney

\n

As most of the country settles in for a rough ride on the Snowball Express, I am sitting here snug as a bug in a rug at Mr. FixIt’s house. I’ve taken to listening to praise music as I write my posts. I’ve changed things up and started writing during the day instead of late at night. I thought it might give me a different perspective and add a new dimension to the blog. The praise music not only keeps my heart in the right place, it inspires me to write about a scripture instead of the other way around. All this time I have written my post then I’d go look for an appropriate scripture that illustrated what my thinking was. That’s a much more time consuming process.

\n

I downloaded an app on my phone called Moment. It tracks my screen time and frankly, I was appalled when I saw how much time I spend staring at a screen. Granted, it’s not all mindless surfing or game playing. A good portion of it is spent writing these posts. Now, that in itself is not a bad thing by any means. It’s just that…I have this really sweet guy that would probably enjoy a little more attention and a little less screen time. So, I’m trying a few new things…new tactics to shave a little time off the screen and a little more looking into those baby blues that look so adoringly into mine. Win-Win, right?

\n

Another thing I’m going to try is, at least on occasion, including my drawings as the cover photo for my posts. This gives me the opportunity to practice…not only the drawings themselves, but the opportunity to be bold in sharing them. We all need opportunities to be bold.

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So, here I sit…snuggled on the sofa under that beautiful blue fox fur blanket. A fresh latte. Kari Jobe. A fire. Snow softly falling. My tree will remain to bring me light and peace well into the new year. I have the promise of a meteor shower and a blue moon to look forward to this month. The year is fresh with hope and promise. And I have this really cool Apple Pencil and Procreate…the world is at my fingertips! My heart is full, even in the depths of this bitter cold. Stay warm, my friends. ❤️

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“Out of the south cometh the whirlwind: and cold out of the north.”\n‭‭Job‬ ‭37:9‬ ‭KJV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-05T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/05/deep-freeze.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2018/01/04/on-being-brave.html", "title": "On Being Brave", "content_html": "\"Drawing\n

I step out…WAY out of my comfort zone here sometimes. I believe in pushing boundaries in order to grow. It has made me a stronger, more well-rounded person to stretch since Mr. Virgo died.

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I’ve always been creative. I can draw and paint landscapes, flowers, houses and do a pretty fair rendition. But people and animals…faces…elude me. I never get the proportion right. I’m heavy handed. There is no “life” in them.

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When my iPad died at the beginning of the year and I bought a new one, there was this white pencil lying next to it. I asked the salesman what it was and he told me it was a new tool to draw with. He showed me a program called Procreate and he could turn the pencil into a paintbrush loaded with oils or a big, fat pastel or a fine technical pencil. Anything…this thing can be anything! It was magic to me and I HAD to have it. Have it, I did. I knew I wouldn’t have time to really use it until the long dark nights of winter so I’ve been anxiously waiting to play with it.

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I have no idea why on earth I would start with a face. I did a study on eyes. I did a quick sketch that vaguely resembled Mr. FixIt. Then I put on my headphones, turned on the Kari Jobe station on Amazon Music and closed my eyes. I thought of Jesus as I listened to the praise music and pictured His face. Then I started to draw. I tried to “get out of the way” and let my hand draw what I saw in my mind. I enjoyed watching it take shape. It’s amateurish, to say the least. And (here’s where I’m stepping out of my comfort zone) I’m sharing it with you here.

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I’m much better at painting a picture with words. I’m much better at making a quilt or stitching a sampler or knitting a pair of socks. I’m much better at making jewelry out of old silverware or antique maps. A long time ago, I tried my hand at writing and I listened to the wrong people. They told me my writing wasn’t publishable. That it really wasn’t good. And I believed that, so I stopped trying. This drawing of Jesus may not be very good…but nothing anyone ever says to me will ever make me stop trying again. No matter what it is I’m trying to do.

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It doesn’t matter what the end product looks like. It doesn’t matter if a piece of art is gallery worthy. It doesn’t matter if you can’t carry a tune in a washtub. It doesn’t matter if your words aren’t Pulitzer Prize material. What matters is one thing…does it give you joy? If it does…do that! Don’t worry about what others might think. Don’t worry about being judged. Just do what brings you joy!

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I’ll keep drawing. Who knows? My writing has improved over the years. Maybe the drawing will, too. But honestly? It’s a form of meditation for me…no matter how it looks. Be brave and stretch! ❤️

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““Now get up, Ezra. Take charge—we’re behind you. Don’t back down.””\n‭‭Ezra‬ ‭10:4‬ ‭MSG‬‬

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Occasionally I get a comment on my blog from someone so fresh on this grief journey that they are lost. They don’t know where to turn or what to do next. They are obviously in a great deal of pain and my heart breaks for them because…I know. I’ve been there. Many of us have. I respond to every single comment on my blog. Most often it’s with a ❤️, just to let you know I have seen your comment. Occasionally, I write something back. On this particular occasion, I wrote a whole essay as my response. After giving it some thought, I decided it was time again to revisit “How do you survive this?”

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My reader lost her husband unexpectedly in early November. He was minding his own business, driving to work, when he was struck head-on by an impaired driver and was killed. Her world was shattered. The future she had planned with her husband was gone. To add insult to injury, her husband’s death was followed in rapid succession by Thanksgiving, his birthday, an important graduation, Christmas, and New Years. All without him. Her question? How do you cope with this?

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Here is my response:

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First, let me tell you my heart is with you, dear one. You are SO fresh on this journey and it’s so difficult. Having all those firsts, one after another when the ink is hardly dry must be unbearable. I can’t tell you how to grieve because it’s such a personal thing. I can tell you how I dealt with things and hopefully it will help you as well. If you haven’t yet, do go to Marshmallow Ranch on Facebook and see if you can scroll back to the early days of my blog. You will find much more relatable material there. I started the blog in January 2013 as a way to promote jewelry I was making. Then Mr. Virgo died in March. That’s when the blog morphed into an online grief journal. I know that’s a lot of material to sort through, but it just might help.

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At your stage of this journey, let me say this…there is no rule book. But here’s a list of ways to cope.

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  1. \n

    Don’t let anyone say you should do it this way or you shouldn’t do it that way. Do it your way.

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    2. \n
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    You will make mistakes. Don’t be too hard on yourself when you do.

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    Be careful…extra careful with your money.

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    Get plenty of rest, eat right, and exercise as you can.

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    5. \n
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    Avoid drugs and alcohol…they are nothing but bandaids that put off the hurt. That goes for new relationships. I know, I know. I thought that was crazy too till I got involved with someone just five months after my beloved died. I just wanted the pain to go away but when I pulled that bandage off, dear God…it was worse.

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    6. \n
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    Feel your feelings. Cry when you need to. Laugh when you can.

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    7. \n
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    There’s an actual condition called grief brain. You can’t remember squat and it may be scary as the dickens. Don’t worry…it does get better in time. You never go back to baseline, but you do get better.

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    8. \n
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    You won’t be in this fog forever and eventually you will feel joy. Don’t feel guilty for that.

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    9. \n
  9. \n

    I found the services of a grief counselor to be extremely helpful. I had PTSD from watching the CPR for hours so I had EMDR treatments which helped immensely.

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    10. \n
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Remember…you don’t “get over” this…you get through it. But, you will never be the same. Let me repeat that…you will never be the same. Don’t even try to find the old you. She is gone. Once a pickle, always a pickle…you don’t get to go back to being a fresh little cucumber again. Whether you become a sour or sweet pickle is largely up to you. Do NOT give up hope of finding a good life, though. You can…and you will…with determination and perseverance.

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I realized early on that he died, I did not. I owed it to his memory to live…actually LIVE the days my husband was not given. Since we were looking at campers when he died, I went out and bought one and joined Sisters on the Fly…a women’s adventure group. I also belong to Girl Campers. These are all empowering groups that helped me become brave and strong.

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One last word of caution. It’s ok to mattress surf once in a while but don’t live there. Get up every day, splash water on your face, brush your teeth, and get dressed. Make your bed. You’re not as likely to climb back in it if it’s made. Scrub your kitchen sink. A clean sink sets the tone for the day in my book. Even if you just move from the bed to the couch…you’ve moved. Keep moving. One step, two steps. Eventually you will be able to take a deep breath again. (Oh, that’s also a thing. Physiologically, grief causes you to sigh a lot which makes you try to take deep breaths and it’s difficult. You almost feel like you can’t get a deep enough breath. Unless you are passing out or have chest pain or prolonged irregular heartbeat or cold, clammy sweat, its nothing to be worried about. Always ask your healthcare professional if you are concerned about your health. However…this sensation disappears after some time.)

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Tincture of time. That’s how I dealt with the loss of my husband. Move forward…and pray, a lot. You may not feel Him there, but God is with your every step. He holds you in the palm of His hand and He weeps for your pain. Let Him wrap His feathers around you and take your rest there. Come back here anytime you need some support. You may send me private messages at any time and I will get back to you as soon as I can. Prayers for comfort and strength, dear one. This is a club we didn’t ask to join. You will learn how to perform magic like tap dancing around that husband-sized hole in your heart without falling in…every…damn…time.

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Grief comes in waves. At first it knocks you down. Eventually you learn to expect the waves and you can lean in and keep your footing without drowning. It’s almost five years since my loss and I have built a new life. I have expanded my social circle and have learned many new skills. And…much to my amazement…I have found love again and it is so sweet and rich. Mostly because now I have a thorough understanding of just what I lost and how incredibly precious life and love are.

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We all know someone who suffers a loss. We don’t always know how to help or what to say. May I suggest bookmarking this page and share it when appropriate? Share it with everyone you know because someone knows someone who is hurting. Let’s make this the year we reach out to widows and widowers and offer them whatever comfort and support we can. ❤️

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“Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”\n‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭13:16‬ ‭ESV

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We went to the farm yesterday. On our way there, Mr. Fixit pointed out the two little burros huddling in a shed, trying to keep warm in the frigid 9 degree air. Seeing the little burros, my mind immediately went soaring back forty years to one of the favorite periods of my life. When I met Hubby #2, he was a Physical Therapist who worked across the hall from me. I was the X-Ray Tech for a small rehabilitation hospital in downtown Denver. He was also finishing some pre-med classes at CU Boulder in preparation for applying to medical school. We were young and in love and poor as church mice. Daughter #1 was three years old. We had no money so we were adept at finding activities that were free, or nearly so. It was cool to be poor struggling students.

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It was the late ‘70s. Trivial Pursuit was HOT and we played it a lot. H#2 told me about the Trivia Bowl that was held annually at UC Boulder. It was free, it was close, and it was fun. It was held in a large room. Two teams sat at tables on a makeshift stage and the audience stood shoulder to shoulder around a packed room…a rowdy crowd. I don’t remember a lot about that night. After all, it was forty years ago. But I do remember one team was called “Ramona and Her Pet Burro, Bob”. How could you forget that, right? I also remember one of the questions was,…”What were the tail numbers on Sky King’s plane?” What??? I knew I was witnessing trivia royalty when one young student slammed his hand down on the buzzer in a fraction of a second and shouted out…”N5348A!” You’re kidding! Ok, I Googled it just now…but I was in awe back then. Who remembers stuff like that?

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My memory isn’t what it used to be. You don’t get to Medicare age without losing a little something. It’s been made worse by grief and the head injury I suffered in February didn’t help matters. I’ll bet memory loss…or, “grief brain”…is the subject I address most often with those who have recently lost a loved one. I remember I thought I was going crazy or something was wrong with me when I couldn’t keep track of anything in the first couple of years after losing Mr. Virgo. I made lists and then couldn’t remember where I put them. Or my notes seemed cryptic and made no sense when I revisited them. It was a scary time. Will my memory come back? Will it get worse? What is wrong with me?

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I don’t remember who told me about grief brain (see???) but I do very much recall the overwhelming sense of relief I felt knowing it wasn’t just me. That’s when I knew for sure I needed to write this blog. Because not everyone has someone to mentor them and while I wasn’t far enough along to actually BE a mentor, I could share what I was learning and feeling along the way. One of the greatest gifts you are given from grief comes when you turn around and offer a hand to someone who is further back the road than you are. It is the price we pay for the grace we receive during our own grief journey.

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Memory…its a slippery sucker. I still will get a brilliant flash of an idea for a post that I just know will resonate with someone…and if I don’t write it down, or make some sort of correlation in my mind to remember it later, it’s gone. That is probably the single most frustrating thing I face when I write. I still have a hard time making myself write down ideas because I swear I’ll be able to remember. It’s aggravating. The tool that helps me most is the “Note” app on my phone. I can jot ideas down and when I hit a lean period and have trouble coming up with a topic, I go into my list and find something that is currently applicable. It’s not like it used to be. It never will be. But it works for the most part.

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Just knowing you aren’t alone in this is often all you need to relax into the flow and be present with your feelings. No matter how difficult your struggle, God is always there with you whether you feel Him or not. Knowing that can bring enormous comfort. ❤️

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“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.””\n‭‭Joshua‬ ‭1:9‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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I love when the calendar turns to a new year. The slate is wiped clean and you can start fresh…a great big do over. Never was this more impactful to me personally than January 1, 2014. It was the first New Year’s Day after losing Mr. Virgo. Somehow, I had it in my head that if I could just say “My husband died last year” it would somehow make the loss easier. It didn’t. Not by a long shot.

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I had, in my crazed grief-stricken brain, thought it would be a good idea to start dating someone…just five months after my sweet husband died. Holy Mother of God…what was I thinking??? In my defense…I wasn’t thinking. That first year…well, really the first two years…I wasn’t sane. Not in a conventional definition of the word anyway. I did some things right, but my thinking was just off. My decision making skills were lacking. Thank God time and lots of prayer and introspection have brought me to this new place…this new life.

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Now when I look at the New Year, I contemplate where I’ve been, what I’ve done, and formulate new goals. I don’t make resolutions. I’ve never kept a resolution in my life. But I do come up with a focus word. The word for 2017 was “Reach”. I think I lived up to that. I launched a new website. I spoke to several groups. I was interviewed on several podcasts and publications. I had a branded series developed for me called “Getting Bolder” on the Sisters on the Fly website. I continued to write an essay every day here. I traveled to Florida twice, the Outer Banks, Tennessee, and Colorado. I camped and/or had outings with the Girl Campers and Sisters on the Fly several times. I continued working on my social media platform to improve my chances of selling this book I’ve got basically written. And…I introduced you to Mr. FixIt. It’s been a really big year and I reached about as far as I could!

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So, now I need a new word for the new year. There are so many things I want to practice in the coming year. Patience. I am not a patient person. Compassion. I try, but I am not always successful practicing compassion with people who try my patience. Love. I want to feel my Heavenly Father’s love and involvement in everything I do so that I might feel that same love toward everyone…including those to whom I want to show compassion because they have tried my patience. You see where I’m going with this? You might think I’m going to choose the word “Patience” to meditate on this year, but you’d be wrong. I learned a long time ago not to pray for patience because when I do, God gives me every single little opportunity to practice it and I just don’t have it in me to be that challenged anymore. No, I have a different word in mind.

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My choice? Presence.

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If I am present in all I do, I am here to show up and do what is needed. If I am present…I feel God’s love. If I am present…I can actively choose to love others as Jesus loves me. If I feel God’s love, and actively choose to love others the way Jesus loves me, in every interaction I have…everything gets better. My relationships with family and friends are bound to improve. My interactions with others…even complete strangers…can only improve when I exemplify the kind of love Jesus has for me.

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How do you remain present in today’s hectic world? To achieve the kind of presence I am looking for, I need to start every day with a connection to the Source. I need to reach for His Word first…before Facebook. Before the news and weather. Even before Mr. FixIt. It doesn’t take much. Five minutes. Five minutes first thing every morning, before anything else, I will seek His face and feel His love for me. I will invite Him to come into my day…into my world…and walk with me. It’s no different than asking any other loved one to go for a walk with me. But the benefits are undeniably higher.

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That’s my word. Presence. Feel every moment. Focus on God’s love. Bring His Love and Light into every aspect of my life. I can’t help but shine! ❤️

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“After looking at the way things are on this earth, here’s what I’ve decided is the best way to live: Take care of yourself, have a good time, and make the most of whatever job you have for as long as God gives you life. And that’s about it. That’s the human lot. Yes, we should make the most of what God gives, both the bounty and the capacity to enjoy it, accepting what’s given and delighting in the work. It’s God’s gift! God deals out joy in the present, the now. It’s useless to brood over how long we might live.”\n‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭5:18-20‬ ‭MSG‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2018-01-01T02:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2018/01/01/out-with-the-oldin-with.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Presence"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/29/doing-the-right-thing.html", "title": "Doing the Right Thing", "content_html": "\"Writing\n

I love doTerra products. I especially love their LifePak vitamins and use them, along with a cannabis ointment to control the crippling plantar-palmar psoriasis I got after Mr. Virgo died. When I purchase these vitamins, I get reward points that I can redeem for free oils or other products. I didn’t realize just how many points I had until a couple of weeks ago. So, I had a grand time ordering bunches of stuff!

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I received a notice in the mail just before Christmas that my box had arrived but it wouldn’t fit in the mailbox. I’m not sure why they didn’t deliver it to the door. We were home and could have received it, but it was during the Christmas rush so I am sure the mail carrier was overwhelmed. I went to the Post Office Tuesday and picked up my package. It was like a late Christmas gift to myself!

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Yesterday, I received three more boxes. In those boxes were three bottles of shampoo and two more Copaiba oils. I looked back at the emailed order confirmation and I had only ordered one shampoo and one Copaiba, among other things. That is when I also noticed that I didn’t receive one of the items on the original order.

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I contacted customer service via the chat app on doTerra’s website. I spoke with Jakob and explained the situation. He said he would be happy to send out the missing item right away and email me a label to ship back the duplicate items. He offered to award me 10 bonus points for my inconvenience. In the course of the conversation, I told him I could have just kept the extras but that wouldn’t have been the honest thing to do. He came back and said he appreciated customers like me and he was going to add 20 bonus points instead of 10! That is free product in my mailbox…all for being nice.

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I began this blog five years ago. I have written an essay nearly every day, covering a wide range of topics from my grief at losing Mr. Virgo to camping in the wilderness of Colorado to living on the family farm. I’ve talked about childhood memories, recipes, farm cats, and family. I’ve touched on sensitive subjects like depression, anxiety, sexual abuse, and even came close to the third rail of politics…at least in the sense of trying to get along. I’ve talked about God and my faith and the importance of being good for goodness’ sake. In all that time, I can count on one hand the times I’ve had someone post something negative to me here. Do you know how rare that is in this business? The internet lets the bars down for rudeness because our interactions are not face-to-face. This emboldens some people to bring out the ugly side of humanity.

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I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you all…every single one of you. You meet me in this space and we have mutual respect and caring. There have been times when I have considered quitting. There have been times when it has become overwhelming and I have had trouble finding my voice. There are times when I feel perhaps I have said everything there is to say. It got better when I reached the point that I could lay down the burden of my grief and I realized I didn’t have to talk, or write, about it all the time. And, every time I’ve thought of stopping, I get feedback from you. Someone says, “You were speaking to me today.” or “This spoke to my heart this morning.” That’s when I realize…I’m not done. God is still using me to deliver the hope and encouragement only He can give. I ask Him for the words. He gives them to me freely. He will tell me if it’s time to quit.

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So, I’ll be here every morning as you have your cup of coffee, or every afternoon when you take a break, or every evening when you stop and catch up with what’s been going on with everyone. I pray you find hope and joy and peace here. I hope you see the goodness in my life comes straight from God and it brings you closer to Him. Your “likes” and your “shares” and your comments bring His word to a greater and greater audience. We all spread Light and Hope and Joy when we share Him with others.

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Thank you…for being here, for listening, for loving on me. Thank you for another year’s journey. Thank you for the many, many blessings you bring me. It is an honor to be invited into your hearts and lives every day and I do not take that lightly. Thank you for letting me be…well, ME! I am richly blessed. ❤️

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“The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!"”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭50:23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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Is it the “blues”? Feeling a little depressed after the holidays? Things have you out of sorts? Once the last cookie has been consumed, the last gift unwrapped, the last guest sent off…it can feel like such a let down. Add to that a total disregard for your previously fairly pristine diet and you could be in a sugar crash, gluten-induced, holiday frazzled funk.

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That’s where I found myself last night. We had dinner guests. My second cousin and his wife came over to celebrate their 36th wedding anniversary with us. I cooked all day…homemade spaghetti sauce, pasta, and apple dumplings for desert. I have been so super cautious for the last two years and have stayed away from gluten. I find I have more energy, my mood is stable, and my gut is much happier when I keep wheat and sugar out of my diet. Then…Christmas happened. A “just this once” became “that went ok, this won’t hurt” and before I knew it…I was OD-ing on a regular basis with bread, cookies, pie, cake. I knew I was playing with fire, but I couldn’t help myself.

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I’ve been craving spaghetti all month. The brownies didn’t kill me. The cookies didn’t present too much of an issue. How bad could spaghetti be? Ohhhh, I found out. Spaghetti is about as densely concentrated a source of gluten as you can get and my body finally stood its ground and said , “What the heck do you think you’re doing, lady?! Are you crazy???” My company hadn’t even left before I really began to feel ill…and blue.

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It felt like the blues of grief. And, that could be part of it, I’m sure. With the holidays come waves of grief. But I knew I had been pushing the envelope with my wheat and sugar consumption so I did some research. It turns out, according to a study reported in Psychology Today, gluten, wheat, and corn syrup solids can cause anxiety and depression in people with non-celiac gluten sensitivity. Bingo!

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When the holidays settle down, we actually return to our normal state and that can feel like the blues. We often feel the same sort of thing when we return to real life from a fabulous vacation. Add gluten sensitivity to the mix and it’s a sure recipe for feeling yucky. It’s time to start back on my clean and green diet again. I’ve never felt…or looked…better than I do when I’m eating right, exercising, drinking plenty of water, and getting enough rest. It’s more than a New Year’s Resolution. It’s a prescription for leading my best life and enjoying it. ❤️

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“For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭32:4-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-12-27T02:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/27/postholiday-blues-or-just-getting.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Grace","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/25/merry-christmas.html", "title": "Merry Christmas", "content_html": "\"\"\n

Wishing you Peace and Love…today and always!

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Love, Ginny

\n", "date_published": "2017-12-25T02:30:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/25/merry-christmas.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/21/messages-from-beyond.html", "title": "Messages From Beyond", "content_html": "\"Misty\n

I first met Sheba Wheeler at a holiday dinner at The Warwick Hotel in downtown Denver. Mr. Virgo was the Food & Beverage Director and had invited me to come down to the restaurant so we could at least see each other that day. Seating was limited so singles were being asked to buddy up at tables. I always enjoy family style seating as I get the opportunity to meet interesting people.

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Sheba and I hit it off from the get go. She was also a writer, working for the Denver Post. She’s a superb photographer and we enjoyed an evening of lively conversation. There was something about Sheba that drew me to her. She seemed exotic and mysterious and as comfortable as an old quilt. She had really great energy and I felt she was special…as in, she had “gifts”.

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I’ve kept in touch with Sheba all these years and have watched her open up to accepting the gifts she has. She’s had many life changes…a new relationship, a couple flooding disasters that forced her out of her home, the loss of a job she loved. But with every door that closed, another opened.

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Sheba grew up in the church and her faith was instilled in her at an early age by her family. At the same time, she knew she was different. She “saw things”, “felt things”, “heard things”. It turns out, she learned long after her death that her mama had “the gift” too. It happened after she moved in the new house

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It wasn’t till she moved into a new home that Sheba got a real taste of what was to come. There was a spirit there. A Victorian woman named Theresa. She “visited” her. Sheba saw her clearly…heard her voice…felt her presence. She called in an investigator who helped her communicate. The investigator became her mentor and told her about her abilities as a medium. Sheba fought it for months till she finally embraced her gift. And once that door was opened, she became quickly overwhelmed with the sudden onslaught of spirits clamoring for her attention.

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Now, I know what some of you are thinking. “Oh, that’s impossible.” “It’s heresy…evil…black magic.” “It’s demonic.” “It’s not Christian!” Listen, I’m here to tell you…I am a Christian. I love my God and have put my faith in Jesus. AND…there are unexplainable mysteries in life. The first time I saw my grandpa in the garden, leaning on his hoe, wiping his brow and waving…a full two years after he died…I was stunned. My grandma had told me long before that if I ever smelled roses around someone and there were no roses there, it meant someone was going to die. That has literally happened to me. When my aunt learned that these things had happened to me, she taught me to look at the time when I had “feelings” so I could look back later in comparison.

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I believe Sheba when she says spirits visit her. I have no reason to believe she is mentally ill. I do not believe she is evil. Yet she is attacked weekly by people…mean people…over what many call “the gift”. In 1 Corinthians, Chapter 12, Verse 10 speaks of the Holy Spirit gifting certain people with the ability to “discern spirits”. I believe that’s what Sheba does…she discerns spirits around her.

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I hadn’t had a chance to chat with Sheba in a long time and she kept popping into my head. I’ve learned to follow through when that happens, so I texted her. We chatted a while. I told her I had been following her posts about her gift. She had met Mr. Virgo. I asked her if he had ever tried to contact her. She said no but she could try from her end. I didn’t hesitate in asking her to do so. She asked for his full name and some bit of information only he and I would know. I gave her his dad’s nickname for him. Now, remember…this is via text. She told me she had never tried this avenue before but she would do her best.

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I waited a few moments while she gathered her thoughts. Soon she came back…laughing. She said, “He’s here! The first thing he said was….Well, it TOOK you long enough!” You see, Mr. Virgo and I watched all the ghost hunting shows. We downloaded an app on my phone that could detect changes in the electromagnetic field. And, we promised each other that if there was any possible way to reach out and send a message from beyond, we would. I’ve felt his presence. I’ve even heard his voice on one occasion. I’ve had my cards read…not Tarot…just ordinary playing cards. I’ve been told he’s “with” me. I was even told the person was given a mental picture of the two of us, sitting in white wicker chairs on a covered front porch, drinking something out of mugs. That would describe our typical morning having coffee on the front porch. He told her to tell me those were the happiest times of his life, being out there with me. But, this was different. I was asking someone to connect with him directly and let me ask questions and get answers.

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I asked if he was ok.

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“Yes.”

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Are you happy?

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“Yes, it’s all love and light here.”

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Then Sheba said, “Wait a minute. He’s really upset. I had to tell him to reel it back a little. It drains my energy too fast.”

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She was still for a few moments when she came back and said, “He says he’s sorry. He’s sorry he left you like that. He didn’t mean to.”

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“I know he didn’t. He doesn’t have to be sorry.”

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“He’s saying “Nooooooooo…I was supposed to do something!”

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Immediately, I knew what he was talking about. The doctor had told him five months before he died that he needed a complete cardiac workup. He refused. I think he was saying he should have had the tests done then this wouldn’t have happened. He knew I had forgiven that. But he couldn’t forgive himself.

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“You need to talk to him, Ginny!” Sheba said. “You need to tell him he needs to forgive himself…that you’re ok…that everything is as it should be, as it was meant to be.”

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Sheba had to get to a meeting and we rang off. I thanked her, and told her I didn’t feel this was a “dark” thing. Then I sat back and talked out loud to Mr. Virgo.

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“Honey, listen…I know you didn’t mean to leave me. I know you had a strong work ethic and you didn’t think you could take time off during the ski season. And, I know it must be upsetting to know you might have avoided this…for a while. You have to forgive yourself. Let this go. It is what it is. It was hard. It still is, sometimes. But I’m doing well. I’m happy, I’m healthy, the family is great, and I have this wonderful man that loves me like you did. Just let it go now, ok?”

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Then something extraordinary happened. You know how it feels when you’ve had a pain for a long time and you resign yourself to it and it just seems like it’s normal to feel pain? Then when that pain goes away, it becomes apparent you didn’t realize how MUCH pain you had been in? Well, when I finished saying what I had to say to Mr. Virgo, I felt as though a huge ball of static electricity suddenly released itself in front of my chest. I hadn’t even realized I’d been feeling that till it suddenly released. I texted Sheba back later and told her and we were both amazed.

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I know it may seem far-fetched. Science fiction. Voodoo. Occult. But this is not at all what I feel…nor is it what I believe. I believe the ways of God are mysterious. So far, there haven’t been any documentaries made with empirical evidence, no footage, no recordings, of what happens when we cross over. I am a Christian, and I am a scientist. I believe in mysteries. And, if this mystery brings me comfort, there is nothing wrong with that. I know it may not be what you believe, but it seemed pretty real to me so I thought I would share. And some day…some glad day…we will know. ❤️

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“Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.”\n‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭12:7-11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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*Note: There have been a few edits as Sheba clarified the details with me

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\n", "date_published": "2017-12-21T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/21/messages-from-beyond.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Growth","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/19/the-modem-of-the-mind.html", "title": "The Modem of the Mind", "content_html": "\"\"\n

I really love living out in the country. It’s peaceful. There’s lots of wildlife. It’s a slower life. I like life slow. I don’t like slow internet, however. Being a writer is a beautiful thing…until I’m standing with my cell phone over my head waving it around like a dead chicken, trying to get just…one…more…bar. It can be maddening.

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Many of the images I use in my posts are really large…especially since I got my new iPhone. Great camera equals great pictures. Great pictures equals larger file size. That presents two problems. One, Wordpress only accepts files up to a certain size. Two, internet in the country is powered by two squirrels and a possum! It sometimes takes multiple attempts to get a photo or meme down to an acceptable size. That takes time and patience.

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I went to the only office supply store in our little corner of the world and asked what I could do to make our internet work at the far end of the house where I write. We tried a booster. That didn’t work. We tried a repeater. That didn’t work either. Finally, I got the manager and he gave me a lesson in how WiFi works.

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WiFi, it turns out, is pretty much like your water system. If you have one faucet in your house, every last bit of water pressure is going to send that water out like Old Faithful. However, if you have every faucet in the house turned on, the dishwasher running, a couple of showers, and someone flushes? You’ll be lucky to get a dribble. When we first got WiFi in our houses, we had a desktop computer, and maybe a laptop. Now we have, in this house alone, two iPhones, an iPad, Alexa, a laptop, two computers and a smart TV. It isn’t any wonder we can’t get everything to run well.

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As I was driving home from the store after that enlightening conversation, I thought about how my faith journey can be so much like that WiFi. When it’s just me and God, the signal is loud and clear. I feel His presence. I hear His Holy Spirit in my heart. I connect. But when I start plugging in device after device, my connection gets spotty. I start dropping calls. It is not good to keep God on hold. When I have too many “devices” plugged in, like we all do at the holidays, something has to go. And the first thing that went was my health. I caught a cold. I haven’t had a full fledged cold in a really long time. I mean a knock-you-down-and-drag-your-sorry-butt-to-bed kind of cold. This is that kind of cold, darn it.

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The good news is, colds are finite. You’re miserable for a few days and it gets better. I’ll be fine by Christmas. But, it IS a reminder to unplug some of those “devices” and spend some one-on-one time with God so my signal is clearer. ❤️

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“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.”\n‭‭Revelation‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-12-19T02:30:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/19/the-modem-of-the-mind.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/12/change.html", "title": "Change", "content_html": "\"WV\n

One of the hardest things to deal with since losing Mr. Virgo is…change. And of course, that is the one thing you can absolutely count on in this life. Change. Things change. People change. Situations change. And, unfortunately…places change.

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I have to tell you, sometimes you have no way of knowing what God has up His sleeve when He leads you down a certain path. Why this way and not that? Sometimes we never figure it out. Other times, it becomes crystal clear. I love those times. Even when they break my heart.

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When I first came to West Virginia, it was just a year and a half after losing Mr. Virgo. I lived on the family farm but only for a few weeks. When my aunt decided she really didn’t want help, I went off on my own for a couple years. I never dreamed I’d have the opportunity to come back and be the caretaker of the home of my heart. When my uncle asked me to take care of the place for him, I jumped at the chance.

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I know God has a reason behind every move. There was a plan before I was born. I hadn’t really thought about why I got to live at the farm again. Until yesterday. Mr. FixIt and I have noticed a lot of heavy dump trucks going up the road lately. We heard this summer that they’re putting in a compressor station back beyond the farm so we surmised the work had begun. When we got there yesterday, I drove past the farm and went up the back road. It wasn’t long till we saw the signs. “Road Work Ahead” and “Flagger: Prepare to Stop”.

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It’s funny. You hear change is coming. You see what other places look like when they change. Yet, you’re completely unprepared when the change comes and it affects your world. I’m a go-with-the-flow kinda gal, but when I saw them cutting into MY earth, MY world, my HEART…it crushed me. I motioned for the flagger to come over. I asked for details. “What are they doing there?” “How far back are they going?” “How long will this take?” He was a young man. Respectful. He seemed to understand this was hurtful to me. He explained carefully what steps they were taking. I sat and stared till the tears stung my eyes then I had to go.

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I remember when they clear cut the back of the farm. I felt like this. But, trees grow back. This is a permanent scar that will never heal. As I sat and watched the big dump trucks back out the ridge to be filled with MY earth, the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart.

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“This is why you were given this time on the farm. You are here to memorize every inch of the place. You are here to document the passage. You are here to be a witness.”

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Change is inevitable. I know that. I’m doing better with change. I don’t like it. And I especially don’t like them messing with the home of my heart. But, I’m also a realist. I’m pragmatic. There is now going to be a paved road out to the back of this ridge. There will be easier access to the workable land and that will improve the value of the farm. That’s the upside. There’s going to be a lot of sound pollution, increased traffic, as well as some environmental risks. That’s the downside.

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I’ve always known my time on the farm is limited. I’ll still be taking care of it for the foreseeable future. And I’ll be saying goodbye to what it once was…one truckload of dirt at a time. ❤️

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“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:”\n‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭3:1‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-12-12T02:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/12/change.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","New Ideas","Grace","God","Wisdom","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/10/its-that-time-of-year.html", "title": "It’s That Time of Year", "content_html": "\"Snowy\n

I visit this topic every year. There’s always a big hullaballoo every year about what to say when greeting others around the holidays. It seems like there are just WAY too many perceived offenses surrounding this subject. There are those offended by “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings”. There are some who are not necessarily offended by “Merry Christmas” but who wish to be more inclusive. Sometimes the debate gets heated and we forget what the whole thing is all about in the first place. Love. The kind of love that transcends all other love.

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While I was not born Jewish, I lived as a Jew for 27 years. I became Jewish for a number of reasons, but it was NOT to convert because of a marriage. I married a Jewish man, but I considered myself Jewish before I met him. When he joined a medical practice in a small town on the western slope of Colorado, we were faced with a bit of a dilemma. Everything was strictly “Merry Christmas”. Which is fine. I have no problem with that. The Christmas program included Hanukkah songs, which was great. But, it was Hanukkah songs without acknowledging Hanukkah, per se. The other children in the school weren’t taught there was anything else BUT Christmas. They thought Hanukkah was the Jewish Christmas, and it isn’t. It doesn’t have anything to do with Christmas. And, being a stickler for education, I wanted the children to learn about all the winter holidays. I wanted all the children to be included and celebrated. And to do that, it couldn’t just be about ONE holiday…as if that were the only one.

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I joined an ad hoc committee on religious sensitivity in the schools. We added books about other winter festivals and holidays to the school and public libraries. We asked for the program to be called the Winter Celebration. We were met with incredible resistance. The mayor of the little town was a former priest. He took great offense at our request. To the point that he hung a banner over the Main Street of town accusing the “heathens of trying to take Christmas away from our kids”. Personally, I really loved that man. He was kind, generous, and worked very hard for our town. He got our local representative involved. It was a real mess. We met with them. We communicated. We pleaded for our children to be included. And, as time passed…they were. We weren’t trying to take anything away from other children. We were trying to expand the scope of the holidays to embrace all children.

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I don’t feel any holiday should be diluted. Every faith has its own place in this melting pot of a country. Religious freedom is what this country was founded on. I am a great proponent of inclusivity. In the years since, I have become a Christian. My faith is very important to me. But, I have a memory. And my little girl was ostracized by her peers. She was…to her face…called a “stupid effing Jew” and that is totally unacceptable.

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So, here’s my bottom line. I do not care if you say Merry Christmas. I didn’t care when I was Jewish if you said Merry Christmas to me. You were being kind and wishing me well. What’s not to love about that? I, however, will more than likely say “Happy Holidays” to you unless I know for certain that you celebrate Christmas. Because, I am not clairvoyant. Unless you are wearing a Santa suit or elf ears, I’m not going to assume who or what you are. I will respect your human-ness. With a heartfelt holiday greeting.

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I love Christmas. And, I love Hanukkah. I am not familiar with Kwanza, but I love that there is such a holiday. For me personally, I love the story of the Nativity, of the birth of the Christ Child. And, I love all of you. I hope this season is full of love, no matter what your faith…or lack thereof. This is a dark time of year, and a dark time of the world in many ways. We all need all the Love and Light we can get…and not just in December! ❤️

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“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end;”\n‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:22‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-12-10T02:30:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/10/its-that-time-of-year.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/05/he-loves-melike-that.html", "title": "He Loves Me...”Like That”", "content_html": "\"Man\n

It was December 4th, 2013. It had been 267 days since the love of my life died right in front of me. It was 267 largely sleepless nights. I had made myself put one foot in front of the other…day after miserable, lonely day…for 2-6-7 long $&@#%€* days. I was tired. I was broken. But I was trying.

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On this day, I went to work. It was normally an hour commute each way, but on this particular day, the skies opened up and snow started falling at an alarming rate. The further west I drove heading home, the deeper the snow became. When I finally pulled up in front of my house, there was nearly 18” of heavy, wet snow in my driveway. I slogged up the drive and got my snow shovel out. You know…the one with MY name on it…not Mr. Virgo’s. He was gone. Two-hundred-sixty-seven days of…gone.

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I shoveled for what seemed like hours. I was numb…physically and emotionally. I could hardly make a dent in the snow removal. I barely got my car in off the street when I gave up and went inside. I marched straight to our…MY…bedroom. I stood in front of the picture of Mr. Virgo and yelled at him. I screamed. I cried. I ranted and raved. He had a lot of nerve leaving me like this…with this house and this mess and this…LIFE! I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t want this. I was just so $&@# tired. I didn’t care if I lived or died, to be perfectly honest.

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That was a particularly dark and dreadful season in my life. There were a lot of people who helped me through that. I had support from those who loved me and from complete strangers in several widow’s support groups on Facebook. I’m only active in a couple of them now. I see myself there now as a symbol of hope, having survived the worst of it.

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The other day, one of the women in the group said “No one will ever love me like that again”. I couldn’t let her go on thinking that…believing that. I know early on…I couldn’t imagine loving again. If for no other reason than I was sure another loss like that would surely kill me. Then time passed, wounds scarred over, and color started to filter back into my life. I started to think…maybe I COULD do this again. I prayed a lot about it and asked God to place a worthy man right in front of me. And…He did.

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I wanted this woman to know…your heart can beat again. You can open it up. You can give and receive love. It’s been almost five years since my world fell apart. And, while this man is so different than my late husband, he loves me “like that”. I feel the same joy true love brings. I feel the same hope, warmth, trust. This one is far more passionate…partially because I’m acutely aware of what I lost and I find this so precious. Which brings me to the biggest difference. Fear. When my husband was alive and I used to have the fleeting thought…”What if he died?” I had absolutely zero understanding of what devastation that loss would bring. Now, I know exactly what that loss brought to me. I still don’t know what losing this man would be like, but I have a $&@# good idea. I try to keep the wolves at bay and live in the moment, but they’re always howling in the woods somewhere.

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God did not create in us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 is one of my go-to verses when I’m feeling weak and out of control. Mr. FixIt is having some reconstruction surgery on his hand Thursday. Even though I worked most of my career in medicine and was married to a physician for two decades, since losing Mr. Virgo,  I don’t handle medical situations very well…especially when it involves someone I love. I read 2 Timothy, and asked a friend to come join me at the hospital for coffee and a chance to catch up. I know it’s not a huge invasive surgery, but I know things can happen. This man loves me…”like that”. I will do my very best to support him in whatever comes our way because…I love him “like that”, too. ❤️

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“for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”\n‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-12-05T02:30:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/05/he-loves-melike-that.html", "tags": ["Faith","Colorado","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/12/03/the-rheostat.html", "title": "The Rheostat", "content_html": "\"Rheostat\"\n

When Daughter #2 was born, I had the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom. Her sister, and only sibling, turned sixteen and got her driver’s license just a few months after she was born. So, I had a lot of time on my hands to devote to the baby. I knew this would be my last child so I read all the parenting books and nurtured her learning from the get go. As a matter of fact, I placed headphones on my tummy and played Mozart and Beethoven to her in utero. Yes, I was “one of THOSE” moms.

\n

Daughter #2 was precocious. She could READ the alphabet at seventeen months. She knew the names of all her body parts, by their anatomical terms. She spoke complete sentences early. She was a beast! Fierce. Determined. Focused. I had flash cards on the wall by the changing table. We would talk about what it was and what it meant and how you spell it and how you pronounce it.

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Because of all this exposure to knowledge, this baby was powerfully curious. She pointed at everything and wanted to know what it was, how it worked, and what you used it for. One afternoon, I caught her staring intently at something from her high chair. I followed her gaze. She was looking at the dimmer switch. Soon she looked at me and asked “Whassat?” It was her FAVORITE question! She asked it hundreds of times a day.

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I explained to her that it was a dimmer switch, but the thing that makes it work is called a rheostat. I took her outside and showed her the electric lines coming into the house. I told her about electricity. And I told her how a rheostat slows down or speeds up the waves in the electricity and that changes the light from dim to bright to dim at will. After that, wherever we went, she demanded to know if our host or hostess had a rheostat. My friends rolled their eyes at me. “Would you let her be a kid, for crying out loud?” I should have, probably. My daughter struggled because the other kids just didn’t “get” her. She had trouble relating to kids her own age. She’s turned out fine…it just wasn’t easy for her.

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Life can be like a rheostat. We can turn up the frequency and shine light out into the world. Or we can turn it down and sit in the dark. There’s something really cool about the light, though. Darkness cannot overcome the light. Only light can overcome darkness. Keep shining your light out into the world. Keep the darkness at bay. Constantly tell the enemy he is not welcome here. Show him your light. Tell him Who you get that light from. Send him packing. Remember your rheostat when you feel down…and turn it up! ❤️

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“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.””\n‭‭John‬ ‭8:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-12-03T02:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/12/03/the-rheostat.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/26/o-christmas-tree.html", "title": "O Christmas Tree", "content_html": "\"Christmas\n

Last Christmas, Mr. FixIt and I had just been dating a few weeks and December found us traveling in opposite directions. He went to Florida with his buddy and a few days later, I went to Colorado for a month with my kids. That’s the longest we’ve been apart since our first date and we neither one liked it. That’s when I figured things were pretty serious between us.

\n

Right around Christmas, I was talking to him on the phone, lamenting that I didn’t get to put up a tree and have a Country Christmas at the farm. When I pulled in the driveway upon my return, I stopped in my tracks. While I was gone, this sweet man had decorated the farmhouse for me to come home to. Not only that, but he was standing there in his grey wool trousers, black dress shoes, a white shirt, and a red sweater vest. He looked so sharp and my heart nearly exploded! What a sweet and generous thing for him to do. He also bought me an indoor lighted Christmas tree, but we didn’t put it up because it was almost New Year’s when I got back from my trip. So, this is the first year we have a tree together.

\n

Someone mentioned they wanted to see a picture and someone else wanted to know about the mechanical angel, so I decided to post a video for you this morning. I still have ornaments to put on but didn’t get home till late last night so I’ll decorate more today.

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I went to the funeral yesterday. As it turns out, Sis wasn’t just my grandma’s friend and neighbor. We were related…through marriage. I’ve told you before, you can’t throw a stick up this holler without hitting someone I’m related to. I got to see several cousins and met Sis’s son. He’s been my Facebook friend for ages. It’s such a small, small world.

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I am so relieved that I can attend a funeral service now without wigging out. My friend’s son was killed in an accident a year or so ago. Another friend took one look at me during the visitation and said, “Let’s go.” She got me out in the air and my heart started beating again. You certainly don’t LIKE going to funerals, but you have to be able to express condolences without flipping out and it took me a while to get there. For the longest time, I seriously felt like I was just one crisis away from losing it altogether. That “one crisis theory” hung over my head like Damocles’ sword which increased my anxiety exponentially. Full blown grief is about as close to flat out crazy as you can get. I didn’t know if “I” would ever come back. Thank God I did. I couldn’t live like that forever.

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My sweetie is gone for his annual Florida guy’s trip so I’m spending the week catching up with “back burner” things…stuff I put off because it’s much more fun to go play with my bestest buddy. I need to be pretty productive this week! ❤️

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“Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭9:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-11-26T02:30:10-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/26/o-christmas-tree.html", "tags": ["Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Holiday","Wisdom","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/25/its-small-business-saturday.html", "title": "It’s Small Business Saturday", "content_html": "\"Shop\n

I avoid Black Friday like the plague. There is nothing in this whole wide world I…or anyone I know…need bad enough to risk life and limb for. I know there are great deals. I know the color glossies and TV commercials have been pumping everyone with the next great thing they can’t live without. I’m fortunate in that my kids were raised Jewish. They got a little present every night, then one big one on the last night of Hanukkah. They also had Santa but there was only one really extravagant year that I can remember. My kids and grandkids are frugal. They would much rather have money and go shopping at the after Christmas sales. More bang for their buck!

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I have everything I need. I buy myself a plane ticket every year and go see my Colorado family. I don’t want anything I have to take care of or dust. This year, Mr. FixIt and I have decided instead of getting each other presents for Christmas, we’re going to carpet the family room. We’ll get much more enjoyment out of that than any appliance or sweater. And, it’s the gift that keeps on giving! I encourage you to shop small, hometown, mom & pop businesses this year. Big box stores may have better deals on cheaper goods…but they don’t have the vested interest in you personally that a small business owner has. I’ve owned my own business before…I know. This month makes or breaks a small business. Do your best to keep your money local.

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I have a funeral to go to today. Sis Strickling passed away. That’s not her first name, nor is this her last name…my family always just called her Sis “Stricklin’”. She was born and raised on the country road a couple miles from the farm. Always sweet and with a smile on her face, my favorite memories of her were at the little one room church house where Grandma went. Sometimes she would come over to the farm for a visit while I was there. She kept her house neat and tidy. After her husband passed away, she went to Ohio to be with her kids. Her memory went at the end and I know it was so hard for her family. I praise God that he gives us an eternal home with no pain, no tears, and no illness. I know her husband and loved ones who went before her met her with open arms.

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It took the longest time for me to be able to go to a funeral after Mr. Virgo died. I wasn’t sure I would ever go to another one, but surprisingly…it’s BECAUSE he died that I can go easily now. If I begin to get anxious, I remind myself I am doing this for the loved ones. This has nothing to do with me…it’s all about them. I was so touched by everyone who came to my husband’s funeral. Their presence meant more to me than they will ever know. I remember so few individuals, but I do remember a sea of faces and that equates to a boatload of love. That love helped me through, so that’s why I go to funerals now.

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Mr. FixIt and I put up the Christmas tree last night. It’s our first one together. Blending traditions gave us ample opportunities to discuss and compromise. He wanted the tree in the dining room where you could see it from the road. I wanted it in the family room where WE could see it. We compromised by moving furniture around so we could put the tree in front of the picture window in the family room. This way we can see it from the side road coming in AND while we’re sitting in the family room. I’ll put lights in the dining room window so he can see it from the big road. Even through the top branches of the tree were pretty tippy, the mechanical angel HAD to go on top. I managed to wedge the branches around enough to support her and she is beautiful. Melding…it’s what you do when you keep adding to your family. At this point, if we got everyone I’m related to through marriages together, that would be one huge family portrait. I am so, so blessed to add so many branches to my family tree. ❤️

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“May the Lord our God be with us as he was with our ancestors; may he never leave us nor forsake us.”\n‭‭1 Kings‬ ‭8:57‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-11-25T02:30:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/25/its-small-business-saturday.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/21/my-accidental-love.html", "title": "My Accidental Love", "content_html": "\"Old\n

Old Mama Kitty is gone. I haven’t seen her in six days. She’s always at the back door, right at supper time. There were a couple of times this summer when she was gone for a day or two, but never six. She’s old. I know that. Just this fall, she seemed to be telling me she was tired. She has one leg that trembles sometimes…and not necessarily because of a chill in the air.

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Being a farm cat, Mama is tough. She doesn’t take any guff from the younger boy cats. If they get too close to her feeding dish, she has no problem swatting them away…claws and fangs bared. They give her a wide berth on the front porch, arcing around her, well out of kitty reach with sly glances from the corner of their eyes. She has probably been to the vet once in her life and that was when she was spayed. She’s never been sick that I know of. She will act like she wants you to pet her, then she swats you if you linger too long. She’s one tough kitty.

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I thought we’d lost her back in 2014 when I first came to the farm. I walked down to the road to get the mail and coming back, there…by the end of the driveway…was a yellow cat that had been hit by a car. I came up to the house to get my work gloves and a shovel. My aunt was still living on the farm at the time. I went to her and told her I was sorry, but Old Mama Kitty was hit by a car and was gone. I went back down and picked up the cat to take it up by the barn to bury it when…I saw the evidence. This was definitely NOT Old Mama Kitty. This was a boy! I wish I would have had the wherewithal to check that out before I told my aunt.

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I had only had one cat in my life before coming to the farm. Ginger was yellow with deep gold stripes. I didn’t seem to be allergic to her as a teenager but the older I got, the more indoor cats bothered me. Ginger went to another home when I moved to England after I was married. Mom hadn’t wanted a cat in the first place. She just tolerated her for me.

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I’ve always been more of a dog person. Dogs are easy to understand. Feed them. Throw the ball. Scratch the good places. Go for walks. They will worship the ground you walk on. Dogs have owners. Cats have staff. You are extra special if a cat loves you. It means you’ve met the criteria.

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The problem with pets is, unless you own a large bird or a turtle, they are going to die before you. And every time a pet dies, they take more of your heart away. I’ve had to put four dogs down in my lifetime. It kills me.

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I don’t want to think of Mama Kitty as “gone”. But, this is what happens with farm animals sometimes. They seem to know when it is their time, I think. I feel a little guilty though. I’ve been away a lot the last couple of weeks helping Mr. FixIt clean and paint his house. I was at the farm every day to feed the cats and spend time with them. Then, six days ago, she just wasn’t there. I called and called and called. It’s sad because I really came to love her. She’s been around forever. She was my Uncle Bob’s cat. He died in 2005. It’s like losing a family member. I know there is still a slim chance she could come back, but I really think it’s time to let her go.

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Pope John Paul II stated that animals have souls and are important beings in God’s creation. And, since souls can go to heaven, it isn’t a stretch to picture our pets running and jumping on us when we get there. I hope to see all my fur babies when I get there!

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I inherited Old Mama Kitty with the farm. She was my accidental love. And…I’ll really miss her. ❤️

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“His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭25:23‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-11-21T02:30:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/21/my-accidental-love.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","West Virginia","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Aging","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/15/the-long-goodbye.html", "title": "The Long Goodbye", "content_html": "\"Vintage\n

I have a longtime friend…I’ll call her Betty. Betty is retired. She was a child and family counselor…and a darned good one. She is kind, gentle, tender in her approach. She was an intuitive therapist. She raised a beautiful family. She had struggles along the way, as we all do. Some of hers were really difficult. But, in the end, she is still with the same loving spouse, and her children are thriving.

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Several months ago, Betty contacted me and asked me to go to lunch with her. It was there that she revealed she had been diagnosed with dementia. It was hereditary, she explained. She already saw the signs and was struggling a bit. She wanted to thank me for teaching her to quilt because it has been a favorite pastime for her the last few years. Her legacy is in the quilts she stitched by hand as well as the books she wrote.

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Betty’s biggest worry, she told me over lunch, was being a burden to her family and friends. She told me she was going to become more involved in Facebook as a way to stay engaged and interested. She didn’t want to disappear into the shadows of her mind. I encouraged her to write and remain present as long as she could. In true Betty fashion, she turned her Facebook page into a lesson…of love, of courage, of perseverance. She used to send me private messages occasionally. Bringing an article to my attention. Sharing a travel photo. Sharing a memory. Then the private messages stopped. A few days ago, she shared that her dementia was worsening…right on schedule. She doesn’t leave the house much anymore. She realizes how much she is forgetting and she hopes she isn’t boring any of us. I told her this:

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We love you. We cannot fully understand what you are going through. But, we can certainly empathize. It must feel like you are leaving on a cruise ship and the people on the shore are getting further and further away till they disappear. But here’s the good news. The land to which you will eventually arrive has streets paved in gold. There will be no more illness and pain. Only love and joy. And when you can no longer feel our hands, turn around and reach for His. He is always waiting for us with arms wide open.

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It’s been a long goodbye. And while I will miss her sweet, gentle posts with pictures of “Home”, I know for a fact she is surrounded by people who love her very much. They will support her as best they can. They will guard her and protect her and wish her bon voyage. I do not know where she will go when she gets lost in her mind. But I hope it will be pleasant and not painful for her. Safe travels, my friend. I will see you on the other side. ❤️

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“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭23:1-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-11-15T02:30:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/15/the-long-goodbye.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/13/when-things-get-messy.html", "title": "When Things Get Messy", "content_html": "\"Painting\n

This is the part I hate about home improvement projects…living through the mess till it gets finished. I have done this countless times in my life. You can’t avoid it if you are a homeowner. I did this and then some when my mom died and I prepared to sell her house. She wouldn’t let me do anything to her house when she was living because it meant she would have to throw something away. I completely redid the kitchen and bathroom, painted the whole house, and refinished the hardwood floors…all by myself. It’s ever so much more fun to do a project with someone…especially if you work well together as a team. We took yesterday off, went to church, then out to the farm to feed cats. And today we are back at it.

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As I sat down to write this post, a notification came through on my phone. There are nearly a hundred women from Sisters on the Fly down in Port Aransas doing hurricane relief. The very day the hurricane hit, the call went out on the Sisters on the Fly Facebook page. Someone picked up the ball and started The Sister Corps. They immediately started recruiting women to go south to help with the cleanup efforts as they knew help would be needed beyond the immediacy of the storm. The Sister Corps has been posting pictures of the mounds of trash out in front of the houses where they are working. Homes are bare to the studs where drywall must be replaced because of flooding. Bathrooms and kitchens are being replaced. Carpeting and ruined flooring has been ripped out. It makes me look at this room with a whole new vision.

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We are freshening this room…not salvaging it. We are making a choice to change outdated colors and carpeting, not replacing everything because of a natural disaster. Again, God humbles me when I get too “uppity” for my own good. This is a joy…a blessing. We are wealthy beyond our wildest dreams. We are rich in love and the bountiful blessings of not one, but two homes to live in. We have the money to buy a few gallons of paint without having to go through insurance adjusters and contractors and estimates to do so. I will look at this project with new eyes today when I am privileged to pick up a paint brush and know I have a comfortable bed to sleep in tonight. I know where my family is sleeping tonight. I know we have food in the pantry and a little money in the bank.

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I want to share with you another way God works in my life. The other day, I received notice I needed to make a change in my insurance. I’ve been on the healthcare.gov website and on the phone a few times choosing New coverage. It’s an affordable policy, but still…money I wasn’t necessarily planning on spending. As I looked through the choices, I prayed. “God, show me what I need. I’ll worry about filling out the paperwork…you worry about how I’ll afford what I need.” God always, always provides. You want to know how I know this? Because, yesterday after church, Mr. Fixit and I went to the post office to pick up the mail and there were, not one but…TWO checks in there. Not enough to pay for a full month of insurance. But enough to cover my tithe for the next three months.

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This is how God works. He has countless, countless blessings for YOU. They have your name on them…specifically. And he so wants to give them to you. But…he waits for you to ask for them. Don’t come out of the chute asking for those blessings directly, either. Come into the conversation thanking Him for the blessings he has already showered on you. An attitude of gratitude is a fair way to start a prayer when you are asking for more.

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Thank you, God…for the unexpected bounty you have blessed me with. I am so grateful. ❤️

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“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.”\n‭‭Malachi‬ ‭3:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-11-13T02:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/13/when-things-get-messy.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/11/the-closet-christian.html", "title": "The Closet Christian", "content_html": "\"Rain\n

Sometimes it’s hard to walk the talk. And sometimes it’s even more difficult to talk the walk. I shied away from Christianity for many, many years after being frightened by a little ol’ banty rooster of a man. He was a circuit preacher, all hellfire and brimstone. As an adult, I can appreciate where that style of preaching is coming from and what affect it has on my spirit. But, as a seven-year-old, it literally scared the pee out of me and I ran in the opposite direction. I walked a long journey away from Jesus. I couldn’t be an atheist because I knew God. It was this Jesus guy that gave me fits. I rectified that by becoming Jewish for 27 years. It wasn’t till I was 51 that I became a Christian. And, even then, I was a closet Christian.

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I never wanted to be that person. You know, that stereotypical church lady who can’t carry on a conversation without “Praise Jesus” this and “Praise Jesus” that. I’ve since learned you can…and SHOULD…let others know that you are a Christian by the way you act and talk. You can do this without shouting “Hallelujah” in the produce section when the Olathe Sweet Corn arrives. (Although, that actually may be justified!) I took closet Christianity to the extreme though. I was like the Unabomber in my hoodie and shades, being very careful not to expose my true identity. Some of that has fallen away with age. I don’t care as much what people think about me. Mostly it’s a conscious decision.

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I had lunch with a dear friend Thursday. We met at Bob Evans…a busy chain restaurant where I can get a good breakfast any time of the day. We hadn’t seen each other for quite some time so there was much catching up to do. We talked about the kids and our new loves. We chatted about our travels and holiday plans. And we talked liberally about God and our faith walk. It was an easy conversation…the kind of comfort you only find with close friends.

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After about an hour or so, a woman walked over and placed her hand on my arm. “I overheard you talking about the Lord. Thank you! Isn’t He wonderful?” Yes, yes He is. I appreciated the woman’s gesture. She was a true Believer and wanted to share that moment with me. That was fine, but what meant more to me was this…if SHE, as a Believer, overheard our conversation, then there just might have been someone there who may never have had the opportunity to hear someone praising God over hash browns and scrambled eggs.

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Incorporating our love for God into our daily conversations doesn’t have to come in the form of that guy with the sandwich board in front of Taco Bell shouting about the end times. That’s the quickest way to turn people off of any religion, in my humble opinion. I prefer a more organic approach.

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Don’t hide your light under a basket. Let it shine! ❤️

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“Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:15-16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-11-11T02:30:29-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/11/the-closet-christian.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/10/brushing-up-against-the-past.html", "title": "Brushing Up Against The Past", "content_html": "\"\"\n

Today is Veteran’s Day. Every Veteran’s Day, I sent Mr. Virgo a note thanking him for his service. His father was a veteran. His late daughter was a veteran. My dad, my uncle, my first husband, my niece, my late father-in-law…all veterans. Mr. Virgo had military honors at his funeral. I cannot hear taps without feeling a catch in my throat. This time of year brings him closer to the surface.

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The other day, one of my dear friends posted a video. In it, she addressed her friends and family. Her nose was red from crying. She sniffled as tears slowly dripped down her cheeks. This is the angelversary week of her husband’s death. It hits her hard every year and even though it’s been eleven years, she relives his final days over and over. It broke my heart. And, of course, it made me think of Mr. Virgo. His was a sudden death. No warning. No long goodbyes. Thankfully, no suffering. I cannot imagine a lingering death. It crushes me.

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While I haven’t cried for him in quite some time, that doesn’t mean I never will again. It certainly doesn’t mean I’m through with grief and loss. That’s something that is forever imprinted in the fibers of my being. But I will say this…I don’t let myself “go there” very often. I used to meditate on him. I felt it was necessary to purge myself of as many tears as possible to clean out my heart from this terrible pain. When tears wouldn’t come, I would look at a picture of him in his casket taken at the viewing… white turtleneck, ivory sweater, hair carefully combed, glasses missing from the CPR efforts. I know that sounds absolutely macabre, but somehow I needed that pain to burn itself out or the fire was going to consume me. I knew this without a doubt.

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Time and distance has softened Mr. Virgo’s death somehow. It’s like looking at the horizon without my glasses. I see the line…it’s just blurred. If I concentrate, I can bring it back into focus because it’s always there…just beyond where the light spills over. But, something interesting happens when he brushes up against my mind now. When I get close to the memories, I “feel” him instead of “see” him. I mean…literally. While there are some passages in the Bible that allow for a little wiggle room in the idea of “ghosts”, Evangelical Christians believe that we are absent from this place once we die. However, it isn’t far fetched to believe that God may use visions, smells and touch to evoke loving memories of loved ones who have passed.

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The other night, Mr. FixIt and I were talking and he said the sweetest thing. He said, “How can we love each other this much?” Immediately, I felt something brush up over my right arm. It surprised me and I sat very still. I looked down at my arm and thought hard. “Do it again.” I whispered in my mind. And there it was…a distinct “touch”…like static electricity on my right forearm. I smiled and looked up at Mr. FixIt. I don’t know how we can love each other this much, but we do.

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And…I’ve a feeling someone else approves. ❤️

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“We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-11-10T02:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/10/brushing-up-against-the-past.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/07/he-will-cover-you-with.html", "title": "He Will Cover You With His Feathers...", "content_html": "\"He\n

Mr. Fixit is doing some cleaning up and updating at his house. We make a really good team working on projects together and he is constantly amazed at the things I can do. I think it really shocked him at first when I did jobs around the farm that may have been labeled “men’s work” in an earlier time. He’ll still watch me do something and shake his head. I usually look at him and say “What?!” He’ll laugh and say, “You amaze me, that’s all. You’re a remarkable woman!” I love that. I love being considered a remarkable woman by a man I greatly admire. It makes me feel both feminine and empowered at the same time.

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Somewhere in the midst of moving things around at his house the other day, Mr. Fixit stumbled upon a book called Lists to Live by for Every Married Couple. Even though we aren’t married, we figured since we’re a couple, the book ought to work for us as well. Every evening we sit down and read a few pages and discuss the lists. There are lists of activities to do, things to say, things NOT to say, good habits…you know, common sense things that keep marriages (and couples in relationships) on an even keel as they navigate this journey called life. And even though this isn’t our first rodeo, it’s our first in this particular one, so it doesn’t hurt to read.

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I like that these lists have faith-based items on them. Pray for your partner. Tell your partner you are praying for them. Read the Bible. Go to church. Mr. Fixit hadn’t been to church for thirty-five years until I came along. I never pushed him to go. I just told him that’s where I’d be every Sunday morning. And I was. And one day he said he might go with me every once in awhile. Not every week…but, once in a while. I smiled and said I would love that. Again…no pressure. Then came the Sunday he went with me. Easter, I think. When we came out, his eyes were lit up with a fire! He was so excited. He’d never experienced church like this. He had always fallen asleep in church. THIS church grabbed his attention and kept him engaged the entire service. He’s gone with me every Sunday since unless one or the other of us is traveling.

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This is something new for me, as well. To have someone want to go to church with me every week. To hold my hand during worship and prayer. Someone to sing with me. A voice I recognize praying next to me. This has become a big part of our bonding experience. There should be three people in every relationship…you, your significant other, and God. If both of you keep God at the top of the triangle and you both strive to climb closer to Him…you cannot help but get closer to each other. It’s simple geometry.

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When trouble comes into our life, either in the form of tragedy in the news or something that affects us on a more personal level, we remember that God wraps us in His feathers and we can find refuge there. We needn’t be afraid of the things of the world. I watched the news again last night and saw the follow up stories surrounding the shooting in Texas. I watched the mother, the pastor’s wife, whose fourteen year old daughter was killed. I saw her model grace in the wake of an unspeakable loss. And this verse came to me. What a remarkable example of trust. Of faith. Of absolute assurance she will see her child again. I was in awe.

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My heart is with those mourning losses today. My prayer is they will find refuge under His wings. ❤️

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“He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭91:4-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-11-07T02:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/11/07/he-will-cover-you-with.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/11/06/when-its-all-bad-news.html", "title": "When It’s All Bad News", "content_html": "\"Cross\"\n

I watched the news last night and was reminded why I don’t watch the news. The sadness in my gut, the fear in the front of my mind, the sorrow for families of loved ones lost to senseless tragedy is unbearable. The news came through an alert on my cell phone as we left church yesterday. I grabbed Mr. Fixit’s hand and shared. His jaw clenched as he gripped my hand, silently taking it all in. Thinking…no doubt…that it could have been us.

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Church. Church is where we’re supposed to feel utterly safe. Yesterday’s tragedy in Texas was the third mass shooting in the last seventeen months…all of which were among the worst in U.S. history, according to USA Today. I don’t know about you, but I look around more these days. I wonder about people I don’t know. I ask myself if they could hurt me…or my loved ones. It’s taxing. I’m feeling the strain of fear. I don’t like this. I don’t like worrying. I don’t like wondering, not IF, but WHEN will it strike close to home?

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There is evil loose in this world and we’ve been rocked to sleep…complacent in our busyness. In our rush to beat the clock and get the most out of every day. Lists need to be made and checked off. Appointments need to be scheduled and kept. And the enemy doesn’t give a darn about any of it. He is only here to seek, kill, and destroy. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally. He distracts us with the sparklies then swoops in with the spear…or, in this case, an assault rifle.

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When bad things happen and you are simultaneously grieving, everything is compounded and spins out of control. It’s difficult to remember there IS control in this world. There IS a winner. There IS a great comforter. When I hear and see reports of things like the shooting yesterday in Texas, I am inclined to feel fear. That fear is from the enemy. However, when I turn to God, He reminds me to put my trust in Him. The enemy whispers…”Ahhhh, yes. But will that bring back the twenty plus lost yesterday? What good is your trust if your God can’t save His people?”

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The enemy will not deter my faith. God doesn’t cause these horrific tragedies to occur. It breaks His heart to see his children suffer. What He DOES want is for us to turn to Him for comfort and solace in times of trouble. He wants us to continue to love. We love….because first, He loved us. There will always be senseless tragedies that we can’t explain. But…there will come a day when the things of this world will melt away and we will be freed from the shackles of fear and pain.

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I pray for the families of the innocents lost. I pray for the victims of this senseless shooting. I pray for the first responders and the citizens of this very small town in Texas where everyone knew everyone else. I pray for the family and friends of the shooter who may have known something was off…may have tried to get him help…may have never dreamed this could have happened. And I pray for the soul of the shooter. He could not possibly have been in his right mind so I pray for any healthcare workers who may have tried to help him but couldn’t. I pray for the pastor of the church where the shootings occured and for his wife. They were not at the church yesterday…but their fourteen-year-old daughter was one of those killed.

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No, I will not roll over…I will not let satan win by becoming consumed with fear and loathing. I will keep my faith in God and let Him sort the rest out. That being said…I will make my feelings about gun safety known to my elected officials. God wants us to turn to Him…but he needs us to suit up and show up and go into battle, too. ❤️

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“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭56:3‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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I sat in the big leather chair yesterday and gazed around this circle of marvelous, beautiful women I have the honor of calling my friends. We all graduated from high school together…could it really be forty-six years ago??? We’re a diverse group. Some were jocks in high school. Some were wallflowers. Actresses. Musicians. Artists. Dancers. Some were heavy into books. Some were heavy into boys. We were shy…and we weren’t. We were scared…and we weren’t. And look at us now. These raven-haired beauties have glitter on their crowns now…whether we choose to show it or not.

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What is age but a number and an attitude? I haven’t climbed all these mountains to ignore the view. I worked hard to get up here. I got knocked down a few times. (Haven’t we all?) But, I kept on climbing because the view is pretty magnificent from this side of sixty. I don’t want to be young. I’ve been young. I don’t want to lose the character lines on my face. I’ve had alabaster skin. I don’t want to be skinny. I’ve worried about my tummy for the very last time. What I haven’t been is sixty-five and seventy-eight and ninety-two.

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When Mr. Virgo died, I truly thought my life was over. In a way, it was. THAT life was. But I got a new life…whether I wanted it or not. I built it to suit me. Stripping away to the foundation of your soul takes great courage. My mantra every day was a whimper…”Move forward…move forward…move forward.” From a whimper to a whisper to a shout, joy was my carrot on a stick. Did I ever dream I’d find love again? I did at some point. I can guarantee it took a while to get there. Did I ever dream I’d find a love like THIS again? Oh, h*** no! Is it better than what I had with Mr. Virgo? It’s different…as it should be. I wasn’t looking to “replace” my husband. I was looking to enhance my life with joy, and Mr. FixIt brings that and then some.

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I don’t want to be anything but what I am because if I lose focus on sixty-four, I’ll miss it. I want to be present with my breath and my heartbeat…my bones and marrow. I want to feel my muscles move as I strive to continually improve them. I want to taste my food. I want to smell sunshine on fresh sheets. No…I don’t want to be young. I want to be me…at every stage. I want to make aging my canvas…my art…my muse. ❤️

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“Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭16:31‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Disclaimer: This may be a trigger subject with some. It is dreadfully sad but it touched my heart and I wanted to share with you. It is about the Holocaust and Forgiveness.

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Eva Kor was a young child when she and her twin were torn from their family upon arrival at Auschwitz, never to see them again. Under the direction of Dr. Mengele, they were both subjected to medical experiments that nearly killed them. By sheer will, they fought to survive and were liberated by Russian forces.

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For fifty years, Eva held on to her position of “victim”…and rightly so. Her life had been forever altered in ways we cannot even begin to comprehend. She is all that is left of her family. As the 50th Anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz approached, she awoke one morning with an idea. What if she could forgive someone. She was often called upon to speak and recalled a Nazi doctor that had been at Auschwitz. She had met him at a conference. She figured he may still be alive so she found his phone number and worked up the courage to call him. I’ll let you watch the video and see how she found it in her heart to forgive the most heinous of acts.

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youtu.be/gdgPAetNY…

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We speak a lot here about forgiveness. Anger, bitterness, and resentment are the poisons we take hoping they will affect our enemies. Our enemies don’t care if we are eaten alive inside by negative emotions. They are going on with their lives in the nature of enemies…unknowing, uncaring. If my Lord and Savior has forgiven me of my sins, who am I to not do the same? I try to love others as Jesus loves me…even when they are my enemies. Eva’s act of forgiveness took a great deal of strength and courage. She was alienated from other Holocaust survivors for forgiving the Nazis who killed millions of their fellow citizens, friends, and family members. But she didn’t care. She didn’t do it for them. She did it for herself. I am in awe of that kind of heart…that spirit of forgiveness. My petty grievances pale in comparison. ❤️

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“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.”\n‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:12-15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I have always been prompt at getting my mammogram done every single year. I always had it at the same place for consistency. Still, even though it always niggled in the back of my mind that time was slipping by, I went a full three years without one. The fact that I am fairly diligent in doing breast self examination regularly was at least some consolation. But not all lumps and bumps can be felt. An exam and getting the tatas compressed is your best advantage for early detection of breast cancer.

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I had my mammogram done September 27th, a Saturday. I was up before dawn to go get this thing done. I was in and out relatively quickly. The technologist was friendly, knowledgeable, and the entire experience left me feeling confident in the Women’s Center at Camden Clark Memorial Hospital in Parkersburg. I left the appointment and met my girlfriends for coffee and it became a day like any other day.

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The following Wednesday, I went camping for a week and when I returned, there was a message on my home phone from the doctor’s office. Mr. FixIt and I looked at each other and I saw the slightest flicker of fear in his eyes.

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“I’m sure it’s fine, sweetheart. I’m a girl…girls are complicated. We’ve got all these parts we have to maintain. It happens all the time.” I said in my most reassuring voice. But he wasn’t buying it. And neither was I. I’d never been called back before. And I’d never had an ultrasound of my breast.

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My doctor’s office made an appointment for me for the following Tuesday…a whole week away. As much as I tried not to think about what it could mean, it was fruitless. I’ve worked in medicine almost my entire working life. I was married to a doctor who was the director of hospice. I was an x-ray tech. I know what I know. I ran through the risk factors. I used to drink more than I should have when I was going through a particularly difficult marriage/divorce but when the divorce was over, so was the drinking. I am not at my ideal weight and I don’t exercise as much as I should. The king sized plus for me is absolutely zero family history of breast cancer. By the time the appointment came around, I was feeling pretty confident this wasn’t cancer.

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Tuesday finally came. The technician who came out to get me was the same gal who did the first mammo. That was comforting…and good, in that her technique would be the same for comparison’s sake. She told me there were two places in the breast that caused them concern and she pointed them out to me. She proceeded to do another mammogram. This one used a compression paddle on the machine that squeezed a small, three inch circle…really squeezed. I won’t lie…it stung. No problem holding my breath for that one! When she had the top down views done, she changed the paddle to a five inch circle for the side views. Again, the compression took my breath away, but I wanted good compression so the radiologist could see what he/she was looking for. It was soon done and I was ushered to a waiting room. Once the radiologist said no more views were needed, I was taken to the ultrasound room.

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I’ve had ultrasounds many times, but never of my breast. They warm the gel! How nice! I’m laying there with my arm over my head and my boob hanging out in front of someone who was born the year I graduated from high school but, by golly, that gel was warm! The tech turned the screen slightly toward me and I saw what I had seen on the mammogram, only instead of being an oval, clearly encapsulated thing that looked much like a grape…I saw a black hole. My heart sank for a moment. Then my medical expertise came back and I thought about the physics of ultrasound. I soon reasoned what I was looking at was a fluid filled cyst and the vast majority of those are benign. Breathe.

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The tech moved to the other spot. This was more worrisome. It was calcification within some very dense breast tissue. I have what used to be called fibrocystic breast disease till they dropped the disease part, because…it isn’t one. It’s extremely common. The last time I had a mammogram, my doctor was musing to herself. “Hmmmm, I wonder why your left breast is so much denser than the right?” “Easy,” I said. “I’ve always been with right handed men” I think she peed a little. Anyway, I digress. I couldn’t make heads nor tails of what I was seeing in this exam area so I just laid back and let my mind wander. What was my gut saying? “This is ok. Don’t worry.”

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I was wandering through the mall yesterday, contemplating a pair of shoes, when the doctor’s office called. She said the doctor felt the findings were benign. They wanted to know if there was a family history of breast cancer. Since there is not, the recommendation is to repeat it in six months and if there are no changes, resume the yearly schedule. I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath as I sat down on one of the chairs in the shoe department. I thanked her and hung up. Relief spread over me and I immediately texted Mr. FixIt and my Prayer Warriors.

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One out of eight women get breast cancer. Unlike Julia Louise Dreyfus…today it was not me. Get your mammograms, girls. Save the tatas! ❤️

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“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭17:22‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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Much of my life was spent trying to conform…to not be too loud, too big, too much. To fit into the mold of who I (and others whose opinions I valued over my own) thought I should be. I was a doctor’s wife. I was supposed to fit in, entertain, volunteer. I converted to Judaism. I smiled, a lot. I had a perky voice. I did the best I could. And still, things unraveled, my marriage fell apart, and it darned near killed me.

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It took a long time, and a lot of therapy, to find my voice. So many times women hang their identity on a hook by the front door and become who they need to be…who they’re expected to be. I have two beautiful daughters who are wonderful adults. Honestly, I don’t know how they survived me because I was a hot mess back in the day.

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Mr. Virgo was the first man to really “get” me. He was patient and listened intently and fiercely supported me. He helped me see, and really FEEL, my value. When he died suddenly, my world and my self-confidence was rocked. When I was alone on my grief journey in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado in the first few months after he died, I really understood for the first time that it’s up to me to be happy. If we search for happiness from external things, we will always be disappointed.

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I had a Mr. Virgo-sized hole in my heart and a God-sized hole in my life. I couldn’t bring Mr. Virgo back, but I could…and DID…reach out to God to fill me up with a peace only He could give. My go-to scripture became “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Over and over, through long anxiety-riddled nights, I repeated it till I believed it…till I felt it in my bones. And magically, God filled in the empty, hurting places with a golden love-light like none I had ever known.

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I was telling someone yesterday…I loved Mr. Virgo with the white-hot heat of the sun. But I still never felt whole till I loved GOD with the white-hot heat of HIS Son. My light shines from within. I carry myself differently. I’m happy and content with myself and my life. And now? Now I have Mr. FixIt. I’m so glad he came into my life after I was broken open. I don’t know that we would have appreciated each other if this would have happened at any other time in our lives.

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God’s timing is so perfect. ❤️

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“Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows.”\n‭‭Luke‬ ‭12:6-7‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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Filicide. It’s something we don’t want to talk about…something we don’t understand. How could a mother kill her own children? It’s beyond our comprehension. How can someone be pushed so far that they would break like that? It goes against every grain. Yet, it happens.

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There was a tragedy in West Virginia last week. A woman shot her two young children, then herself. The little boy was hanging on by a thread last I heard. The little girl and the mom are gone. I just learned last night that not one, but both children have/had special needs. I don’t know what they’re challenges are/were, but I do know what it’s like to grow up in a family with a special needs child. My brother was born with cerebral palsy and mild mental impairment. I will never forget the day the doctor gave Mom the prognosis. They told her he would never live a normal life. He wouldn’t drive or be able to take care of himself or hold a real job. She was devastated. Add to that a troubled marriage and it’s no wonder she suffered from migraines, anxiety, and depression.

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About six years ago, I did a short stint as a substitute paraprofessional in a severe needs classroom at the elementary school where my older daughter taught. I couldn’t do it…and I grew up with this. I don’t know how teachers and parents keep from going over the edge. This mother had more than she could handle and she broke.

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The news headline said “Let this be a wake up call.” Yes, let’s. There are few people who don’t know anyone affected by a special needs child in their circle…be it church or the hair salon or the bank or a neighbor. If you know someone, and you’ve never offered to help out, do something. A couple hour break could make a world of difference in an overwhelmed parent’s life. Take them a meal. Offer to cut their lawn. Give them a gift card to the grocery. Heck, give them a hug. Tell them, while you can’t understand exactly what they’re going through, you’d like them to know you’re there for whatever help you may be able to give them. Pray with them. Pray FOR them. If you can’t do any of these things, pray for God to open your heart to whatever He would want you to do.

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My demographic here is 40-65 year old women mainly, so I guess I’m encouraging grandmas to do what grandmas do best…love on somebody that sorely needs it today. You never know who that outstretched hand may save. We cannot understand how horrible things like this can happen, but perhaps we can change the course by opening our hearts and loving people like Jesus does. ❤️

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“Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.” And he laid his hands on them and went away.”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭19:13-15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n\"Ol'\n

We awoke to the sound of rain gently falling on the tin roof yesterday. What a welcome sound. Something else grabbed my attention. It was stuffy and still in the bedroom. I picked up my phone to check the temperature. No wifi. The power was out so the fan was off. This happens frequently here at the farm. I keep thinking I’ll get a generator but haven’t yet.

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Old Mama Kitty curled up at my feet while I sat on the porch, watching the rain. Every time we have this moment, I wonder how much longer we’ll have her. She’s about twenty-four years old now. I love this sweet little kitty.

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The persistent rain made me sleepy and I couldn’t get motivated to do much. I did put about half the stuff away in the kitchen that I had brought in from TOW-Wanda. The rest of the day was literally spent doing as little as possible. Sometimes you just need a day like that. Mr. FixIt is like the Energizer bunny. He never stops. I like to do a lot of stuff but when I need down time, I NEED down time. I sent him off to deliver a chair to his granddaughter and go bowling and I spent the afternoon/evening laying low. Just what the doctor ordered!

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The only downside of having a lay low, shut in kind of day was not going to church. The only upside to that is the Warehouse Church where we attend goes live on their Facebook page every Sunday night at 7:00 so if I can’t go for some reason, I can watch the sermon from home.

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Last night, Pastor Justin spoke on getting past your past. I dragged my past behind me like a sack of rotting garbage for years. I played and replayed every mistake, every misstep, every wrongdoing I ever did and berated myself for being a bad daughter, sister, wife, mother. It turns out, those were all lies…whispered into my life by the enemy. He has no power over the future, but man…does he know how to play the past. There are ways you can use the past. Learning from your mistakes and moving forward, letting the past “push” you into the person God has always intended you to be…THAT’S the only useful thing the past can give you. God uses those mistakes you made in the past to allow you to minister to others, to speak life over them, to demonstrate that you do not have to let your past define who you are. You can get past it. Powerful message. So, I got my lay low day, I had a nap under the sounds of a gentle rain on a tin roof, AND I heard a great message from God. What’s not to love about that? ❤️

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“Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭3:13-14‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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There’s no quicker way to lose your inner compass than through the experience of grief. God built us to numb down so we don’t experience the loss in one gulp. I remember the first year. I was so numb from the neck up. I didn’t fully grasp what had happened to my world until the second year. THAT was the year of pain for me because I “woke up” and he was still gone. I didn’t know where to turn. I literally didn’t know which end was up. I couldn’t make intelligent choices. I couldn’t see further than today…maybe even this hour. It was terribly disconcerting to me to feel so out of control. It was terribly comforting to me when you all started writing back with things like “Yes! That’s me!” and “OMGosh! You’re in my head! How did you know?”

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Losing your inner compass is normal in grief. Losing your sense of direction doesn’t just come with the loss of a loved one though. It can come with anything that shocks our sensibilities. And I can’t think of anything more shocking than the events of the last month. While I was out galavanting around, camping here and there, appearing at public events, being interviewed while flyfishing, sitting around the campfire with friends…events were taking place that were shattering our world and I was largely disconnected save for the occasional notification on my phone when I was in cell range.

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Disclaimer: I’m not here to discuss politics. There are many, many sites where that is the theme. This is a safe place where we discuss grief and the things that effect it. That being said…I would be remiss if I sail along singing Kumbaya and not address the horrifying events that have hit us over and over and over the last few weeks.

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Devastating hurricanes. Deadly earthquakes. Horrific mass murders. Huge breaches of electronic security. Every week…every day…it’s something. Another thing…another horror. It’s hard to feel safe in times like this when you aren’t grieving. Add the insecurity and emotional turmoil of loss to the mix and it’s so easy to lose your way…to lose direction…to lose hope.

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Yes, there are political avenues that can and…in my humble opinion…should be implemented to curb events that can be curbed. I am an enigma. I am a diehard liberal Christian and Democrat with a gun. I believe in my right to carry and protect myself, my property, and my loved ones. If I need to hunt to eat, I need a weapon to do so. What I don’t need is an assault rifle, let alone forty-three of them, and I certainly don’t need one that shoots automatically. I might need a couple hundred rounds of ammo. I don’t need ten thousand. I might need some fertilizer for my garden. I don’t need enough to blow up a building. I need to protect my little corner of the world from nefarious interlopers. I’m fully aware not everyone agrees on these issues and I’m not here to debate politics or gun control or any “third rail” issue. This is a faith-based blog so I’m going to approach this from my own personal faith-based perspective.

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I usually drive in silence. It’s my think time. But, occasionally I listen to a book on tape or a talk given by someone on a subject I am interested in. As events unfolded over the last month, I found myself getting upset and angry…a perfectly normal reaction to such chaos. Since losing Mr. Virgo, I’ve found it helpful to retreat within myself and become quiet and introspective in order to process additional loss. Now that I have Mr. FixIt in my life, I don’t have long stretches of time to silently contemplate my feelings, process them, and retrieve my bearings. I felt my fear grow and my frustration build to the point of lashing out at him when he did nothing but be kind and love me. I needed to fix that before it became a problem.

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God always brings me what I need to walk through this path. Remember me telling you that we have to walk through fire in this life, but God throws gems down in the flames? We may not recognize the meaning of a particular gem, but we tuck it away because somewhere down the line, we’ll understand. When I was in Colorado, I went to a used book store looking for books on tape for the long drives I take traveling with TOW-Wanda. This time I found several presentations by such notables as Brené Brown, Pema Chodrin, and Joyce Meyers. I tucked them in the truck but didn’t listen to them on the trip home because Mr. FixIt was with me.

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Last week I traveled up to Beaver Creek State Park and found the four hour block of time to listen to Pema Chodrin’s “Don’t Bite the Hook: Finding Freedom from Anger, Resentment, and Other Destructive Emotions”. Her basic premise boils down to finding compassion for the perpetrator. She spends the better part of three and a half hours explaining how to fight the addiction of anger and replace it with patience and compassion. Anger sits in the pit of our stomach. It’s uncomfortable and we lash out to release those pent up feelings. But, what if we allow ourselves to sit with that discomfort, recognize it as a temporary feeling, look at the person pissing us off and feel compassion? If that’s too hard, then at least just say…“OK, this person is pissing me off. I’m not biting that hook.” There is a difference between suppressing anger and diffusing it. Suppression will just place it in a pressure cooker and it becomes self-destructive. Diffusing it dissipates the energy and converts it into something self-soothing.

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How does this relate to the current events in the world? Well, environmentally, these storms are getting more powerful, more frequent, and more destructive. As an environmentalist, one can get angry at politicians who refuse to believe in climate change. As one who believes this is a predictable cycle of nature, one can get angry at the “tree huggers” for leading the charge with “the sky is falling!” Earthquakes? Environmentalists are angry with the oil and gas industry for fracking and causing instability beneath the earths crust. Others are angry at such rhetoric saying the earth’s crust moves…deal with it. Mass shootings? The NRA will give you their guns when you pry them out of their cold, dead fingers as Charlton Heston so eloquently put it. Gun control advocates are angry that this just keeps happening over and over and over and nothing ever changes.

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The common denominator in all of this is anger. Righteous indignation. Me against them. No one ever resolves conflict with increased conflict. The divisive nature prevalent in today’s world does nothing to diffuse anger. As a matter of fact, it seems its only point is to produce more anger and conflict. This is the work of the enemy. This is where my faith comes in. This battle has been fought for centuries and my personal belief is…the good guy wins in the end. My personal belief is…that which lives within me is more powerful than that which lives in the world. Lashing out at Mr. FixIt because I’m harboring anger over world events is counterproductive. So, how do I resolve that inner conflict? Through compassion.

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How do we live out the compassion of Christ in such a dark time in this world? Turning to the Master Teacher, we can cry out for Him to teach us compassion. We can read about the ways Christ showed compassion to others…even his enemies. He touched those who were sick. Even the outcast…the untouchables with leprosy. He sought them out and ministered to them and healed them with just a touch. Race, religion, social or economic status…nothing kept Christ from touching the lives of others with love and tenderness. We can read about Jesus’ tears for the fallen. How He wept for those who refused to hear His teachings. How he asked His Heavenly Father to forgive those who crucified Him for they knew not what they were doing. That in and of itself is the ultimate display of compassion. The motivation behind all of Christ’s teachings throughout the New Testament is love and compassion.

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So, how do you show compassion for someone who stands in a hotel room on the 32nd floor of a busy hotel and calmly executes 59 innocent people, wounds nearly 500, and changes the lives of thousand more…forever? For me, it comes from the realization that one does not do something like that unless they are not in their right mind. There is such evil in the world. Satan whispers into the lives and hearts of vulnerable people and leads them to do unimaginable, unspeakable things. My response is to pour out more love…to try to tip the scales of the world toward goodness and light. Not with a Pollyannaesque naïveté, but with the pure, genuine love and compassion expemplified by Jesus.

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It’s a scary world. I saw Mr. FixIt’s first little greatgrandchild this week. I held this tiny, perfect little human in my hands and prayed hard that God would keep her safe in this great big place. It hits hard when a new life is placed in your hands. In the end, the left wing and the right wing belong to the same bird. We really are in this together. There is one race…the human race…and if we want to keep going, we are going to have to find a way to come together, to get along.

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Ok, we went to church there…but, in my humble opinion…this world needs more light. For me, it is through Christ, who strengthens me. For others, it may be different. But by whatever means available, the answer to everything is love and compassion. ❤️

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“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”\n‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:12-14‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-10-06T01:30:53-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/10/06/losing-your-sense-of-direction.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/09/25/tethered-to-god.html", "title": "Tethered to God", "content_html": "\"Dock\n

A ship that slips its moorings is quickly swept to sea. At the mercy of the wind and the waves, it may sink to the briny depths, never to be seen again. Our relationship with God is much the same way. If we remain tethered to Him, we can weather any storm, but…let go and all bets are off. HE never lets go of us. It is always the other way around.

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Mr. FixIt and I have been attending the 5:00pm service at our church. It gives us all day on Sunday to enjoy the farm, then head to town about 4:00. He bowls on Sundays at 7:00 so it works out to be a good time for us. Last night’s sermon was on the detours life gives us. There are two types of detours. The kind we take ourselves on when we become untethered from God and the kind God takes us on.

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We are so egocentric, we think God is punishing us if we can see what He intends to give us, but he takes us the long way around instead. These trials weren’t necessarily orchestrated by God. He has a much bigger world view than we do. His grand view takes us through these trials so that we CAN have the reward He has in mind for us…even if it’s not delivered in this world. Our job is to hang on and remain tethered to Him. He is our anchor.

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We all have trials in this world. God uses those trials. Not as punishment. But as a way to hone us into the person He intends us to be. Suffering produces perseverance. Perseverance, character. And character, hope.

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I have a speaking engagement this evening at a local church. I’m really looking forward to that and always pray God brings me every opportunity to praise Him and share with others how He has blessed me.

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Have a Happy Monday! ❤️

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“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”\n‭‭Romans‬ ‭5:1-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-09-25T01:55:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/09/25/tethered-to-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/09/22/when-things-dont-go-as.html", "title": "When Things Don't Go As Planned", "content_html": "\"Old\n

The first two of our three day getaway was perfect. The weather was moderate. We hiked, fished, lazed around, read, cooked, and sat out long after dark watching the boats go up and down the river. We had to go into town Wednesday to salvage some doors, windows, and light fixtures out of a structure that’s being torn down today. It was hot, dirty work and by 2:00, we were done. We ran some errands then headed to a restaurant for lunch. We’ve eaten salads there before but I was hungry so I ordered a chicken salad wrap and fries. We left to head back up to the river to the campground and within 10 minutes, I was sick as a dog. The thing that scared me was my heart was doing weird things and I felt faint. Mr. FixIt took me to the hospital. They kept me overnight for observation and did a ton of tests. They finally decided they thought I had food poisoning. I got home from the hospital yesterday and unhooked the camper and went to bed.

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There comes a point when you have to realize…even though you may FEEL 24…when you’re 64…you ARE 64! That’s not “old” by any stretch of the imagination. But for the first time in a long time…I feel my age. I have to slow down just a little bit. Not enough to stop. But enough to take care of myself.

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Not the way I wanted my little getaway to go. But I need to listen to my body and not keep pushing so hard. Today, I mattress surf! ❤️

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“Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.”\n‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭6:19-20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-09-22T01:55:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/09/22/when-things-dont-go-as.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Growth","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/09/02/an-unlikey-pair.html", "title": "An Unlikey Pair", "content_html": "\"Turkey\n

I’ve been living on the farm a little over a year now. It went so fast, yet…as with many things…it seems so much longer. Not long after I got settled in, I began to notice an odd pair of friends at the house down the road. You never see one without the other and I cannot help but smile when I see them. They never leave the yard, wandering about nibbling up bugs and grass.

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I don’t know the story behind these two. The family who lives there lost their mom several years ago so it’s just the guys on their own. They all work a lot and the house and grounds seem to be well cared for, but I rarely see anyone….just the turkey and the duck.

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As Mr. FixIt and I drove to town yesterday, I asked him to stop in the rain so I could take their picture. As soon as the car stopped, the turkey laid down. The duck never moved from the turkey’s side, but he set to squawking like crazy to let me know he didn’t like the intrusion. We sat by the road and talked to them for a bit then moved on. We forgot something and had to go back to the house and when we came back down the road, the fowl confab had moved behind the house to eat uninterrupted.

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I thought about this pair all the way to town and wondered…Why can’t we ALL just get along like that? Those two don’t know they’re different. They just like each other’s company. Now, I’m not going to get into a political discussion. I’m not “choosing sides”. I just think we could take a lesson or two from this turkey and duck. We only have one race…the human race. We only have one life…this one. We are being divided and I’m not sure by whom. Media? Politicians? Special interest groups? Who know…who cares? I just want to love my fellow man like this duck loves this turkey.

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God created us all. He gave us the rule book. We can’t do this divided. The enemy wants us to fail. And if he can get us to do his dirty work for him and make us destroy each other…well, that’s just icing on the cake. Shine your light, people. Walk out in faith and fight for truth and justice….for all! ❤️

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“Do we not all have one Father? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our ancestors by being unfaithful to one another?”\n‭‭Malachi‬ ‭2:10‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-09-02T01:55:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/09/02/an-unlikey-pair.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/09/01/words.html", "title": "Words", "content_html": "\"\"\n

I have seldom been at a loss for words. My mom always said I had “the gift of gab”. I was always a little insulted by that because I was sure she was saying “You talk too much!” Ok…I’ll have to admit…I do have a lot to say. About everything.

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Some of my very best writing has come from my very deepest pain. As difficult as it was to go through, that kind of writing is actually a whole lot easier than writing from a place of joy. Of peace. Of love. Writing from pain is cathartic. It releases energy and the words have a life of their own. Someone told me I had “lost my focus” a little while after I introduced Mr. FixIt to the story. That has niggled at me ever since. She’s right…in a way. But not in the way she thinks.

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Here’s the thing. I was driving to the farm last night after spending a lovely day in town. I am putting some finishing touches on the event I am hosting next week for the Sisters on the Fly. Between that, the trip to Colorado, the trailer breaking down, the return trip to get it, catching up with stuff around the farm, the Centennial Celebration at my high school, and nurturing a new love relationship…I haven’t been keeping my focus where it belongs. Not on grief, but on God. I was driving along that twisty turny two lane and started talking to Him. Then I realized…I hadn’t been keeping Him at the center of my life for a little while. I took my focus off for just a moment and that led me down a path I don’t like. Peter was walking on water toward Jesus when he took his eyes off Him…and sank immediately.

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I had a long discussion with God…it’s a forty-five minute ride, you know. I made my apologies and I’ll try to do better. Because everything is better when I keep God at the center of my life. My relationships. My writing. My life. It has to be more than just lip service, this profession of faith. Keeping that fire in my belly keeps me from drowning…and keeps my words flowing. ❤️

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““Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.””\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭14:28-33‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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Photo Credit: Shutterstock

\n", "date_published": "2017-09-01T01:55:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/09/01/words.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/08/28/forgiveness.html", "title": "Forgiveness", "content_html": "\"Warehouse\n

We had a guest speaker at church yesterday and man…did he deliver! So here we go…it’s time for some Monday Morning Motivation. We’re going to church.

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Forgiveness. Such a simple word that is packed full of power. We all need forgiveness for something. Something we’ve done that has hurt others. Hurt ourselves. Or maybe, something we did in the dark that no one knows about. Thing is….someone knows. Someone always knows. You know. And God knows.

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“would not God discover this? For he knows the secrets of the heart.”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭44:21‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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Our guest pastor was Pace Hartfield of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. He tells a story of the first night his father let him drive his mother’s brand new car when he turned sixteen. There was just one caveat…he was not to leave town. So, of course, he left town. And had an accident. He had hoped to leave his dad in the dark, cruise 22nd Street with his homey, Andy, and get back with his dad none the wiser. But the deed was exposed. There was the damage to the car. And the police report. There was no way around it. Pace’s dad didn’t yell at him. He didn’t beat him. He grounded him. He also informed him he had lost his father’s trust. He would have preferred the beating, I am sure.

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How many time have we lost the trust of others by our deeds? How many others have trespassed against us and we have lost our trust in them? As Pace pointed out so eloquently, forgiveness requires exposure. And that exposure creates vulnerability. Oh, we hate feeling vulnerable, don’t we? We can get stuck in that exposure and vulnerability and feel shame without forgiveness. It is the forgiveness that sets us free. That frees others. Who have you literally held hostage for years by not forgiving them?

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The guest pastor spoke of the woman who was caught in the act of adultery. The religious leaders tried to set Jesus up by bringing the woman before him in the temple where he was teaching. They were loud and raucous and challenged Jesus to do something with her. Instead, he ignored them and stopped down to write in the sand. The leaders were outraged and became even louder. Jesus quietly stood up and said, “Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.” He then went back to writing in the sand. One by one, the leaders left without stoning the woman till they were left alone in the temple. Jesus knew what she had done. But he loved her anyway. He did not condone what she had done, and instead offered her forgiveness and sent her on her way with the admonishment to “Go and sin no more.”

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We all sin. We all make mistakes. We feel guilt and shame. But we are forgiven and we are loved. Forgiveness sets us free from the bondage we place on ourselves, on others, by others. I often quote Maya Angelou…“We do what we know and when we know better, we do better.” Well, sometimes we know better and we do it anyway. Yet, still…we are loved and forgiven by a good, good Father. Our work here is to love and forgive in the same way. ❤️

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“The eyes of the LORD are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭15:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-08-28T01:55:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/08/28/forgiveness.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Monday Morning Motivation"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/08/16/curiosity.html", "title": "Curiosity", "content_html": "\"Curious\n

You know what they say about curiosity…it killed the cat! I don’t know what Kitty Boy was after, but something sure had his attention yesterday. This old stump is what’s left of a poplar tree my Pop-Pop planted when I was a teenager. Poplars grow fast, tall, and straight as an arrow but they are pretty fragile in a storm. Long after Grandma died, my aunt was living here alone and a bad storm blew up. She said that poplar tree was twisting in a circle and she was just sure it was going to come down on the house so the next time her brother came, she had him cut it down. I understand why, but it broke my heart to see it gone. Thoughtfully, they left a tall stump and we use it for the rain gauge…and occasional cat perch. I noticed as I sat and wrote this last night, the rain gauge needs emptying. It’s at five inches. It hasn’t been emptied since before I left for Colorado in early July. I’m sure there has been some evaporation, but I know we had a lot of rain while I was gone.

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I noticed when I was mowing yesterday that the creek banks are eroding a lot this year. I pointed it out to Mr. FixIt last night. We’re going to have to line the banks with heavy stones to keep the creek from eating out into the yard and into the foundation of the house. The new dehumidifier is doing a great job and has reduced the humidity in the basement from 75% to 45-50%. That makes the whole house feel more comfortable. This house was built in the early 1930’s. And it was a cheaply made one, at that. The rough sawn timber siding has shrunk over the years and there are now gaps of nearly an inch between them. It has the original tin roof. The walls in the upstairs bedrooms are made of what looks like a stiff corrugated cardboard with several layers of wallpaper accumulated over the years. The basement is unfinished and damp and could use a good coating of a waterproofing product. There’s just a boatload of work that should be done, but here it sits…held together with spit and love.

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I was blessed that my friend Charlotte mowed for me while I was gone. It rained the last several days though so I couldn’t mow till yesterday. I swear I could have used a bailer on it! It was still pretty wet and the grass clumped up bad as I mowed. It kept clogging up the grass chute and I’d have to stop, turn off the mower, clear it out, and start up again. It was in the 90’s yesterday and I had to keep taking breaks. It took five attempts to get the yard done and I didn’t even attempt the area up by the barn. I don’t have a rake here. Well, there may be one up in the barn somewhere but this is snake and spider season so if it’s up there, there it’s staying for now. Mr. FixIt called before he headed to the farm yesterday and I asked if he could bring me a rake. He had to kind of piece one together from parts but it’ll do. As I am writing this, he is out in the yard, raking up those ugly clumps of wet grass so they don’t kill spots in my yard. What a good man!

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It sounds like a lot of work, doesn’t it? This farm…this old house…this home of my heart. It is. Things are always breaking or fumbling but I fix them and move on. Yesterday it was the water. I was running a bath and it was sputtering and sent bits of black sediment from the hot water heater. It’s old and fragile. I flushed it out for a while, checked the pump, and checked the heater itself. I think it was from sitting dormant for a month. After I flushed it out it seemed fine. Yes, there’s a lot to do, and it is hard work. But, I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything. Farm living suits me. It’s brought a pride into my life I felt lacking most of my adulthood. The kind of pride that comes with working hard and going to bed tired, and happy. ❤️

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“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭37:4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-08-16T01:05:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/08/16/curiosity.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Prayer","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","The Cats"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/08/14/when-darkness-calls.html", "title": "When Darkness Calls", "content_html": "\"\"\n

I have some really great friends who look out for me. They each seem to have a role. My longest term friend “feels” when something is wrong and she needs to reach out right away. Others send articles for my reference and give me a heads up when I have a typo in a post. They know I cannot STAND typos. One sends me the funniest memes I have ever seen on the internet and spends equal time kicking me in the butt when I need it…which is more often than you may imagine. My old high school chum, Marion, sent me an excellent article the other day about what the first year of widowhood was like for Jodi of the blog Extra Grace Required. She listed the important things she learned that first year. If memory serves, I’ve written a few of those missives myself. We live and we learn and we grow as we crawl our way along on this grief journey.

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Just because I have found new love, doesn’t mean I have miraculously “gotten over” the loss of Mr. Virgo. It means I’ve grown. It means my heart has healed enough to make room for more love in my life. It certainly does NOT mean I never have a bad day or have sad feelings. And here’s what’s most important. My bad days or my sad feelings have absolutely nothing to do with my love for Mr. FixIt. It’s complicated loving two men…one here, one not quite so much. It’s easy to love this wonderful man I’ve known almost as long as I can remember. I just have to incorporate a lot of feelings at once which is made more difficult when I’m tired and not feeling up to par.

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One of the things Jodi noticed after her first year is, she feels the grief of others more easily. Before loss, grief is sad, you feel bad for the one who has lost a loved one, you have your own feelings to sort out about your relationship with the departed. But, once it has happened so close to home that your heart has literally been ripped out of your chest, the grief of others is not so easily compartmentalized. Someone close to me lost a son-in-law this summer. I spoke to the widow on the phone Saturday, giving some support, acknowledging feelings, commiserating, feeling. When she broke down into those guttural cries I still remember so vividly, my heart squeezed tight, my throat closed, my stomach churned, I got hot and sweaty, my fight or flight response kicked in big time. I held it together. I didn’t crumble….until late in the night. I couldn’t go to sleep. My head was pounding and my heart ached for this young woman who is so new in this journey. I tossed and turned. I used my Rescue Remedy. When sleep wouldn’t come, I changed course and walked around the dimly lit house until I felt I could settle down. I finally slept, but didn’t feel much better when I awoke.

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So, it was one of THOSE days. Out of sorts. Off my feed. I didn’t even want coffee…gasp! It was a tea and oatmeal and crackers and lay low kind of day. Not exactly a day spent mattress-surfing, but close. The best part was…Mr. FixIt was there to offer comfort and support and love. He was totally nonjudgmental. He is a remarkable man. He just listened and held me and that’s all I needed. After a while, I was feeling better. Not fine, but ok. I sent him home to do whatever he needed to do for the afternoon and I settled in with my thoughts and processed.

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Process.. That’s what this whole thing is. It doesn’t matter if it’s one year or five years or twenty-five…grief is a process. It doesn’t always hit me like this anymore…thank God. The biggest lesson I’ve learned in all of this is, when the wave hits, don’t fight it. Let it carry you to a place of self-discovery and love. And when you’re ready, dust yourself off, wash your face, and get back to the business of living. Because, that’s what we’re here for. ❤️

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extragracerequired.com/2017/03/2…

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“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”\n‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:38-39‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-08-14T01:55:05-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/08/14/when-darkness-calls.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","The Farm","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/08/11/welcome-home.html", "title": "Welcome Home!", "content_html": "\"Gas\n

Is there anything more wonderful than the glow of the gas light in the yard to welcome you home? This light has burned continuously since I was a little girl. It’s had many mates replaced and several panes of glass. It’s had a coat or two of flat black paint and it can no longer be adjusted for the rust, but it’s the beacon that greets me when I come up the driveway here at the farm

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I ran errands this morning…mail, groceries, produce stand, coffee. Then made a beeline home. All the kitties came to greet me. Old Mama Kitty trembled at the sound of my voice. Boy cat sat a respectable distance and gave me his best throaty hello. Kitty Boy skirted me and settled at the barn with a mouse or some such critter.

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I called the neighbors to let them know I was home. They had informed me several days ago not to be too surprised when I come home and find four new kittens. What??? It seems they hitch-hiked up in the car and stayed. I think the mama took one back because it was back at their house down the road. That left three. I managed to catch two of them and delivered them back to their mama. I just didn’t have it in me to try to catch the last one. I’ll try today.

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It rained an extraordinary amount here this summer and many of the surfaces in the house are covered in a light mold and mildew. I need to get after it with bleach water. I also need a dehumidifier. I put the groceries away, fed the cats, sorted the mail, cleaned the fridge, and just about emptied the truck. I am spent. I don’t know if it’s age, or if it’s after effects of the concussion, or all the trouble with the camper, but this trip was a rough one for me…even with the help of Mr. FixIt. Thank God he was along. It was fun. I loved seeing the kids and I miss everyone already. But I swear…I’m going to sleep for a week!

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If you don’t hear from me for a bit, I’m laying low and catching my breath. I just wanted you to know I’m home…really home! God protected us and kept us safe and we are so grateful! ❤️

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““Return home and tell how much God has done for you.” So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.”\n‭‭Luke‬ ‭8:39‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-08-11T01:55:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/08/11/welcome-home.html", "tags": ["Family","Prayer","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Humbled","The Cats","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/08/10/road-trip-day-thirtysomethinghome-kinda.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Thirty-Something...\"Home! Kinda.\"", "content_html": "\"Burned\n

Yesterday was lovely. We went out for breakfast then headed to Camping World to check on the trailer. They were still working on locating an axle. We elected to take the wheel with the nearly shredded tire to Walmart and get a new one. Easy peasy. Then, to kill some time, we went to New Paris and browsed the antique stores. By 4:00 we decided it was best to go check in on the trailer again. Bad news. The replacement axle isn’t sitting on a shelf someplace. They don’t make them until they’re ordered. And, they take ten days to make. So the camper won’t be ready for at least two weeks!

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Ok. Change of plans. It was already 4:30. We swung around back and emptied everything we would need out of the camper. We threw away any food that wouldn’t stay fresh in the fridge, even though they assured us they would keep the trailer plugged in. We stuffed as much as we could in the truck and headed to dinner at a dive along the highway. Then we left Richmond, Indiana and headed for Cleveland to pick up Mr. FixIt’s truck. He left it parked there when he flew to Colorado. We picked it up, filled both trucks with gas, stopped at McDonald’s for coffee and headed for home. It was 1:15 by the time we got to Parkersburg and it would have been another hour to the farm. I called Mr. FixIt behind me and said I’d had enough…so we stopped at his place and I’ll head on in the morning.

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We’ll go on another road trip in a couple of weeks and pick up TOW-Wanda. We’ll talk more tomorrow about how this fiasco happened and what to do to avoid it in the future. In the meantime, I’m done. Thank you, God…for protecting us and keeping us safe during our travels. ❤️

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“The LORD makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭37:23-24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-08-10T01:55:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/08/10/road-trip-day-thirtysomethinghome-kinda.html", "tags": ["Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","West Virginia","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/08/09/road-trip-day-thirtytwocrap.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Thirty-Two...\"Crap!\"", "content_html": "\"Burnt\n

One of the most important things I’ve learned about camping is this…check, check, and double-check everything. When I had that blowout a couple years ago, I learned to check the air pressure every single time I tow…whether it’s to the end of the driveway or across the state. I learned this from Stephanie and Jeremy Puglisi of RV Family Travel Atlas and Janine Pettit of Girl Camper Podcast. Now I check my tires religiously.

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Day before yesterday, we stopped in a rest area and when I got back in the truck, I walked around…checking to make sure everything looked good. We were fifty miles from the campground. That stretch of I-70 was particularly rough…to the point we had to slow way down. We got to the campground and did a lot of routine maintenance things. I dumped the tanks and cleaned them out. I picked up inside the camper and got set up for the evening, and cooked supper. After the dishes were done and put away, we got those showers we were so anxiously awaiting and crashed. We were both exhausted and slept like logs.

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Yesterday morning, I was unhooking things and Mr. FixIt was checking the air pressure in the tires. When he got to the driver’s side rear tire he said, “Whoa, babe…come look at this. This isn’t good.” The rubber cover was missing off the hub and you could see down into the bearing housing. I knew when I got close and looked at the grease that we did indeed have a problem. The grease was packed with flecks of shiny metal…the bearings had been disintegrated. Luckily there was a Camping World four miles back so we very slowly, very carefully took the camper over.

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After tearing it apart and checking into the other wheels, they believe the last person who repacked my bearings (which I just had done this spring) had tightened the nut down too hard which doesn’t allow for the expansion of the bearings when they get hot. The end cap made of rubber blew off with the resulting pressure and shot all the hot grease out, leaving nothing to lubricate the bearings. Consequently, the casing got so hot it literally melted the bearing housing. The only thing that kept the wheel from flying off was a $2.00 cotter pin. Thank God it wasn’t worse…no one was injured. But the bad news is, it didn’t make any noise and we didn’t detect anything in the operation of the trailer in any way, so we drove on it at 60mph for 50 miles or so. That was hot enough to etch the spindle and the whole axle needs replaced. They are working hard to find me one…even if they have to send someone up to the Starcraft factory up in Elkhart.

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But, here’s the thing…when I had the blowout two years ago, the repairman forgot to put the dust cover back over the hub. When I had the hubs repacked last time, the shop didn’t have one. I’ve thought of it off and on but never got around to it. And, since I wasn’t actually checking the temperature of the hubs, if that dust cover WOULD have been in place, I never would have seen there was a problem. This was, quite literally, a disaster waiting to happen and it’s a miracle no one was injured.

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So, we have an unexpected adventure…exploring Richmond, Indiana and the Old National Road…home of some pretty great antique stores. We found a room for $60 and had dinner at Cracker Barrel. Yes, this is inconvenient. Yes, the repair is going to be expensive. But, we are safe…we are together…and God has us in the palms of his hands. Life is good! ❤️

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“You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:19-20‬ ‭MSG‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-08-09T01:55:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/08/09/road-trip-day-thirtytwocrap.html", "tags": ["Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/08/08/road-trip-day-thirtyonecamping-in.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Thirty-One...\"Camping in Comfort!\"", "content_html": "\"Paulaner\n

OMGosh! After camping two nights in parking lots, Grandpa’s Farm Campground is just what the doctor ordered. Mr. FixIt and I were up at the crack of dawn and dragged our sorry butts into the IHOP for breakfast. Coffee, coffee, coffee. I slept maybe three pharmaceutically induced hours to the refrains of a hundred diesel engines idling all night. Ok, there were…like, twenty-five, ok? All I’m sayin’ is…it sounded like the 10th Armored Division were on maneuvers in my living room. Have I ever mentioned I’m grumpy in the mornings if I don’t sleep well and coffee is delayed by the briefest of moments? I thought not…I hate to tarnish my pristine reputation. Oy.

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After breakfast, we sat down with the Atlas and the RV Campground Directory and figured out how long we wanted to drive today. It put us right in the vicinity of Richmond, IN…a very cute little burg. I was in Richmond when Daughter #1 graduated from college a few miles away in Oxford, Ohio at the Miami University. I stopped at this campground on my way out to Colorado this summer. It’s the one I found on a Saturday night when I was contemplating how sorry I was that I’d miss church the next morning, only to find out they have Campground Church every Sunday. It’s run by a lovely family. There is some road noise in the early evening, but it soon dies down after folks get home from work. There’s also a rushing stream along the edge of the campground that you can hear at night. AAA got me a discount and a full hookup site was $32.50. As soon as I got everything hooked up, I turned on the hot water heater so we could enjoy hot showers for the first time in three days! Heavenly!

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But, here’s the very coolest thing….Mr. FixIt DROVE for me all but the first hour. We were tooling along and I just hadn’t had enough sleep or enough coffee. We pulled into a service station, got my pillows and blankets out of the trailer, and I crawled into the passenger side and slept for two hours. When I woke up, I marveled at the decadence of having someone drive me around…pulling my camper with confidence, being just as careful of her as I am. It felt amazing…this giving over some control after having to do everything by myself for so long. The thing is, I kept hanging onto that control…long after I had a capable partner to help me. It was liberating in the totally opposite way of women’s liberation. It felt inclusive, a communal effort. And I was in hog heaven!

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We got to the campground by 3:00 which allows for so much more of an evening than midnight does. Mr. FixIt went for a walk while I wrote this post so we could just enjoy the evening without interruptions. We cooked a nice dinner and sat outside listening to the many sounds of the campground. What a precious treat this man is. Thank you God for safe travels. And thank You for bringing me such a wonderful man to enjoy! ❤️

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“Sing to the LORD, all the earth; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.”\n‭‭1 Chronicles‬ ‭16:23-24‬ ‭NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2017-08-08T01:55:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/08/08/road-trip-day-thirtyonecamping-in.html", "tags": ["Travel","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/31/road-trip-day-twentyfourin-jesus.html", "title": "Road Trip, Day Twenty-Four...\"In Jesus' Name\"", "content_html": "\"On\n

Whew….some Mondays we just have to go to church here at the Ranch. Especially when I’ve heard a sermon like yesterday. Let me tell you a little bit about how God works in my life. There’s a church here in Denver that I really like…Red Rocks Church. It’s very much like my home church in West Virginia…contemporary, progressive, energetic. I love it and couldn’t wait to take Mr. FixIt. Red Rocks Church has four campuses plus a prison outreach. One campus has the pastor live and all the others watch a live feed on the big screen in their respective churches. I usually go to the Arvada campus, but I really wanted Mr. FixIt to hear the sermon live. I was planning to drive down to the Littleton Campus in order to accomplish that. I’m always quick to get ready but yesterday I just couldn’t seem to get it together. I couldn’t believe it when I looked at the clock and saw we would be lucky to make it to the local satellite church. We made a bee line and got there in time to grab a cup of coffee and get seated. As we were walking into the sanctuary, a volunteer said, “You’re in for a treat today…the pastor is here live with an amazing message!” I couldn’t believe it. If we would have left on time to get to the other church, we would have been watching the pastor on the big screen! God fascinates me. His ways are so mysterious. His love is so complete.

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The message yesterday was about the Samaritan woman at the well again. The pastor spoke about five words and how they relate to all of us. Pain. Prison. Power. Platform. Purpose. The Samaritan woman had suffered pain…as we all have. She was living in a self-imposed prison of isolation as she avoided interacting with others. Then she had an encounter with Jesus at the well and experienced His power. She used her experiences of Pain, Prison, and Power as her Platform from which she could share her testimony. This allowed her to live her Purpose.

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I don’t know about you, but I struggled for nearly sixty years trying to figure out what my purpose is in this life. I hadn’t done a very good job being a wife until my third marriage. I didn’t feel I had been a very good mother, although I tried and I did the best I could with the knowledge and experiences I possessed at the time. It wasn’t till I lost Mr. Virgo and spent three months in the wilderness and backroads of Colorado that I discovered my purpose is to love. To accomplish this, I have built this new life from the ashes of who I was before the fires of grief changed me.

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The pastor used an example of someone who has turned her pain into her platform. At seven years old, Gabriella has had more pain than you can imagine. After a diagnosis of leukemia, it has been this innocent child who teaches the doctors and nurses…and, anyone in earshot, really…about Jesus. She comforts her mother when she worries about her and says “Don’t worry…God’s got this!” As they were taking her into surgery to place the port for chemo, this brave little girl only said three words but she said them over and over for two hours before they wheeled her into the OR. “In Jesus’ name…In Jesus’ name…In Jesus’ name.” When the folks from the Make a Wish Foundation contacted Gabs and her parents to find out her wish, she couldn’t think of what to ask for. She didn’t need anything. Finally, after weeks of contemplation, she decided last Saturday what she wanted. She wanted to preach at Red Rocks Church. So, yesterday, this beautiful little angel…just a wisp of a thing in her flower halo…bravely marched out onto the stage in front of hundreds of strangers. She held her notes in one hand, the microphone in the other, and she told us about her friend, Jesus. And how He holds us in the palm of his hand. She said we don’t need to be afraid because when she was afraid before her chemo, it was Jesus who comforted her. She said that was why she had wanted to be “bapatized”…because she loved Jesus. I’m telling you…that was the most powerful service I have ever attended. There wasn’t a dry eye in the place and I was so grateful to have been in the front row to witness it live.

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The rest of the day was beautiful. We drove up to the top of Mt. Evans after church. At 14,134 feet elevation, we were quite literally in the clouds. After the power of witnessing the faith of that child, standing on top of the world seemed almost inconsequential. Afterward, we went to Central City for supper and to wait out the Sunday evening traffic returning to Denver. By the time we were back and told our stories of the day to our family, we were spent. Yes, some Mondays I just have to take you to church. This was one. ❤️

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“And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.”\n‭‭John‬ ‭14:13-14‬ ‭NIV

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#Jesus, #wisdom, #faith

\n", "date_published": "2017-07-31T01:55:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/31/road-trip-day-twentyfourin-jesus.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","The Grand Adventure","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom","Humbled","Peaceful Moments","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/25/road-trip-day-nineteenthe-long.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Nineteen...\"The Long Slog\"", "content_html": "\"Wiring\n

“Eula Faye” is my F-150…a beauty for sure, but she lacks guts. As I figured, climbing these mountains pulling TOW-Wanda was brutal and pushed her to her limits. I watched fearfully as the transmission temperature steadily climbed, maxing out at 232 degree. I immediately moved off the side of the highway and let her cool back down to her baseline of 194 before starting again. Consequently, it was a very long drive to our campsite on the Western Slope. It was 94 degrees when we unhooked at 3:00. I went in to start the air conditioner to start cooling off the camper when It wouldn’t work…again. It just so happens, we are camping 27 miles from the RV dealer where I bought this camper so I immediately called to see if they were open. We drove straight over and arrived 15 minutes before closing time. We took the old thermostat with us and they ordered us the replacement part. It will arrive by noon today.

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I don’t like to say bad things about a business because they could just be having an off day or maybe here was a miscommunication. As we left town yesterday, we stopped at Camper World to get a replacement thermostat as they are a Starcraft Dealer. There were three men behind the parts counter and I got three different answers. The general consensus was the part is obsolete. I couldn’t imagine that to be true as this is a 2015 camper. The young guy went back in the back and brought a thermostat us and said, “This will work.” I looked at the thermostat and back at him. My thermostat has a six wire harness. The one he brought up was nine. When I pointed this out he said, “Just don’t hook up three of them.” Right. I ignored him and turned to the one closest to me who was at least tying to help me by looking up the actual part number. Then he told me it wasn’t in his computer so it must be obsolete. I asked him if the company who manufactured the thermostat had a replacement part number. He had no idea how to contact them. Finally, I excused myself, spent fifteen minutes researching on Google and found the approved replacement thermostat from RVUpgrades.com. I did buy two padded club chairs that are much more comfortable than the ones I bought last winter. Then I left.

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Hopefully the new part from the dealer on the Western Slope will work and we’ll have the AC back. Fortunately, the temperature cooled off enough to made sleeping more comfortable, and it is supposed to cool off later in the week.

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We took my brother to dinner last night. It was so, so good to see him! We’ll visit again today. I know this isn’t a profound and insightful post. My trip posts are just there to let you know what I’m up to, places I think you might be interested in, and the wonderful people I meet along the way. Like Rick…the helpful hardware man at Ace. Rick has been following Marshmallow Ranch for at least two years. When I pulled into the neighborhood Ace store yesterday to top off my propane tanks, Rick came out to help me and greet me with a great big hug! He was so excited to meet Mr. FixIt. We stood and visited for quite some time. When I came back out from paying for the propane, he asked if he could pray with us for safety for our trip and blessings for our relationship. I went to the truck and got Mr. Fixit and we stood right there in the parking lot of the Ace Hardware and prayed together. It was very touching. So, even though the truck struggled, even though the AC wouldn’t work, even though it was hot and sticky trying to sleep…I let it all roll off me like water off a duck’s back. Blessings abound! ❤️

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“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.””\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭18:20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-07-25T01:55:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/25/road-trip-day-nineteenthe-long.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure","Gratitude","Grace","God","Wisdom","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/21/road-trip-day-fifteen-focus.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Fifteen \"Focus\"", "content_html": "

\"Moose\" Moose

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I am in my fifth year writing this blog. The original page was intended to showcase art jewelry I was making out of antique silverware and maps. Then Mr. Virgo died and it morphed into a grief blog. I dealt solely with the monumental task of putting one foot in front of the other and surviving that horrid loss. In an effort to cope, I put something joyful in front of me in the form of a small camper and a group of spunky women who liked to travel and have adventures. The focus gradually shifted from the darkness of death to the possibility of living after loss and eventually I started breathing again. With each stage of grief, with each right of passage, with each new thing, the focus of my writing has shifted to accommodate the change du jour.

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A reader commented yesterday that my site has “lost its focus”. I had to sit down and give myself a good self-examination. For what seemed like an eternity, the only thing I could talk about was pain and death and grief and darkness. Thank God that’s not the focus of all my writing any more. It means I’m healing. So, what IS the “focus of my site”? Trailers, camping, travel, Girl Campers and Sisters on the Fly? Not entirely. My family in Colorado and West Virginia? Somewhat. The farm and the cats? Sometimes. God and how He has touched my life and moved mountains? Much of the time. My writing is all of these things and more. I’m part storyteller, part preacher, part analyst, part therapist. I’m part comedienne, part realist, part widow, part mom. Because that’s what life is…it’s 10,000 things all at once so I write about the 10,000 things and try to make some sense of it all. Because out there…somewhere out there is a widow that’s hurting, a wife who was left, a child who was molested. And somewhere in here is a story that just might help one of them, whether it seems unfocused or not.

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While the subject matter of my blog has indeed varied over the years, my focus has not. My focus is to help people in any way I can. To be of service. To quote John Keats, “Love is my religion…”. I will admit, writer’s block has me occasionally writing diary-like posts a la Bridget Jones. And this new, wild and wonderful love story I’ve got going on here is distracting, to say the least. I take constructive criticism to heart and I will try to write more focused essays in the future. I have no problem hearing constructive criticism. We all have room for improvement. ❤️

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“Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭15:31‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-07-21T01:55:09-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/21/road-trip-day-fifteen-focus.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Growth","New Ideas","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Humbled"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/20/road-trip-day-fourteenmy-person.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Fourteen...\"My Person\"", "content_html": "\"\"\n

I’ve been holding my breath for months now. I wanted to talk to you about it, but I couldn’t. It was really complicated and it was scary and it had to do with Mr. FixIt and I hadn’t told you about him yet. I was still trying to figure out how to introduce a new character into our little story here without changing the dynamic so much that you ran away in droves. Come to find out, I needn’t have worried about that. Everyone has been so wonderful and supportive of my new love and I am so grateful. So, now I can tell you the other half of the story.

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Mr. FixIt and I hadn’t been seeing each other romantically very long when he had an annual physical and some blood tests came back abnormal. The doctor wanted to wait three months and then repeat the lab work and this time it was even worse. He referred us to a specialist and Mr. FixIt had a series of tests. One of the possible diagnoses was leukemia. My heart both sank through the floor and jumped out of my chest. This was my biggest fear…that I would fall in love with this wonderful man and be over-the-moon happy only to have him get sick and die on me. Leukemia. Just thinking the word made me physically ill. And Mr. FixIt was flat out devastated that he just found happiness and the rug could get pulled out from under us. He hated that this scared me to death. It scared him, too.

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He had a bone marrow biopsy and after waiting three weeks, we finally heard the news we had been praying for. It is NOT leukemia! Thank you, Jesus! That’s the good news. The bad news is we still don’t know exactly what it is, because there IS something going on. But our doctor contacted the specialist at West Virginia University and they both agreed to watch and wait six months and repeat the tests then.

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I let out my breath. This man has become so important to me. He has stolen my heart. We’ve known each other since we were kids. We’ve always been great friends. That came first. But to fall in love, to open my heart again and to love so deeply after the profound loss of Mr. Virgo…only to lose again? I couldn’t bear the thought. I prayed…fervently. I asked others to pray…unspoken prayers, specific prayers, prayers for healing. “Please, don’t let it be cancer!” “Please heal him.” “If he’s sick, let it be something easily controlled and non-life threatening.” Denying. Bargaining. In his favor, Mr. FixIt is extremely healthy, walks 5-6 miles a day, has purposefully lost sixty pounds, and eats a healthy diet. I can’t help but think, whatever this is, it can’t be too awfully bad or he wouldn’t be this healthy. So I’ll breathe. I will relax a little. I didn’t realize how wound up I was till I heard the doctor on the other end of the line in our phone conference Tuesday.

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And now, my sweetheart is here with me! Oh…standing in the greeting area of DIA yesterday, my heart leapt with joy when I saw this handsome man, this lean and lanky guy with the graying red hair, my best friend in the whole wide world coming up the escalator! I could hardly wait to get a hold of him. Our good news of the day before underlining the poignancy of the moment. What would I have done? What if it would have been the worst case scenario? It is not unreasonable for my widow-mind to go there because I’ve been there before. Well…I’ve had a little time to think about those “what ifs”. And I’ll tell you what. Our love is long term. Platonic for the majority of our lives…romantic for only the last few months. It doesn’t matter. When you love someone, and you are dealt a blow, there is only one thing to do…you just hold hands and walk into the fire. Together.

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We are grateful we have each other at this time in our lives. We celebrate this wonderful chance at love. We thank God for his bountiful blessings. We put our trust in Him for He has plans for us. ❤️

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“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.””\n‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭29:11-14‬ ‭NIV

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\n", "date_published": "2017-07-20T01:55:37-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/20/road-trip-day-fourteenmy-person.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Wisdom","Aging","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/19/road-trip-day-thirteenin-him.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Thirteen...\"In Him\"", "content_html": "\"John\n

The phone dinged. I had a text.

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“Are you awake?”

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7:30am on vacation. A Tuesday.

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“Yes!”

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“I have to bring the van back and pick up my car and I’m stopping at Starbucks. You want something?”

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OMGosh! I love this woman…daughter or not.

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“Yes, please!!!”

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Daughter #1 is a busy woman. Even though she is technically “off” on summer break, her oldest is on swim team and practices eight times a week. She’s helping her BFF remodel a kitchen. She carts her youngest to this camp or that. She took a whole passel of kids to a concert Monday night. She’s organizing a cleaning a house that is a challenge. She’s always ready at the drop of a hat to be someplace, help someone, do something. And yesterday morning, that something was to curl up on the twin bed in my slide out, coffee in hand, for an hour and a half of uninterrupted conversation with her mom.

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I miss this. I miss my babies and their activities. Big grew five inches since I was here at Christmas. Little at least two. Their hair is long, their knowledge increased, braces are gone. At the same time, I’ve found peace and love on a farm in West Virginia and I can’t imagine not living there right now. So, I continue to come here twice a year, summer and Christmas. I did suggest perhaps next summer everyone can come visit us!

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I met one of my Sisters on the Fly friends for lunch and walked around the mall for some exercise. I heard on the news yesterday that it was something like the 23rd day in a row of 90 degrees or above here in Colorado. At least it’s a dry heat. It’s much easier to exercise in the mall than outside. It turned out to be another wonderful day.

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I have learned that when I am in the Word…when I am God-centric…when I am Faith-focused…I have peace. A peace that surpasses all understanding. This is supernatural. This is standing in Grace. This is Joy. I am so grateful. ❤️

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““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””\n‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-07-19T01:55:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/19/road-trip-day-thirteenin-him.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Hope","Gratitude","Grace","Love","God","Peace","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/17/road-trip-day-elevenyou-are.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Eleven...\"You Are Worthy\"", "content_html": "\"1\n

Ok, we’re going to church here in a little bit…fair warning. But first, I want to share something cool that happened. As I settled in TOW-Wanda last night after a fun-filled day with the family, I heard the soft hoot of an owl. A Great Horned Owl, to be precise. I jumped up and quietly opened the camper door only to see a pair of huge owls sitting in the tree about 50-60 feet away from where I stood…in awe, I might add. This is not something one sees ordinarily. Not in the daylight and not in a large urban area. I wish Little could have been here…she is really into Harry Potter right now. She would have loved to see the owls.

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Little went to church with me and really had a wonderful time. She enjoyed the worship team. She brought up points from the sermon during the day and told me I need to take her whenever I go there. We went to a friend’s house in the afternoon to help her paint her kitchen then, after a little quiet time in the afternoon, we attended a graduation party. It was a beautiful day.

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Yesterday’s sermon was about the Samaritan woman at the well. The story goes, Jesus is waiting by a well while his disciples went for food. It was noon when a Samaritan woman came to the well to draw water. Jesus asked her to draw a drink for him and she objected. Jews and Samaritans did not mix company. The pastor has, of course, read this passage countless times, but recent events altered his interpretation. Last week, he and his family went on a trip to Africa to check on Missionaries they are working with. One morning, they went to the well at the base of a mountain and it was crowded with women and children from the villages above…filling their water containers to haul back up the mountain to their homes. Just to survive. And the next day and the next would find them doing the same thing. One would think the drudgery of hauling heavy loads of water back up the mountainside would create a dismal mood at the well. But, that wasn’t the case. There was much laughter, hugging, the sharing of news and stories among this community of women. This was their only social outlet…their only time to get the love and support we all so desperately need in our lives. Then they headed home, their containers full, till they descended the next morning.

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As the pastor watched this activity, he thought of the Samaritan woman and a line from the scripture struck him in a way it never had before. It said the woman came to the well at about noon. Now, noon is the hottest time of the day. No one would come to the well at such a time and try to haul heavy containers of water. Why would she have chosen to come when the others were not there? What was going on in her life that would cause her to forego a sense of community. His answer lay in the rest of the scripture. The Samaritan woman had been married and divorced five times. She was living with a man who was not her husband. She was well aware of what the others thought of her and she just couldn’t face the scrutiny, the judgement, the name-calling and whispers. She was ashamed. She felt unworthy. Till she had a chance encounter with Jesus and He taught her that her worth comes from God…not from the opinions of others. That she was just as worthy in His eyes as any other.

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How many times have you felt unworthy? How many times have you avoided interactions with others out of fear of condemnation? How many times have you shut down simply because it was easier than facing what others throw at you? I know I spent far too many years feeling unworthy of love, of respect, of kindness. The child of an alcoholic, the victim of childhood sexual abuse at the hands of two different men…these things set me up for low self-esteem and all the resultant destructive behaviors one does to cope. It wasn’t until I felt the unconditional love of a Father I had never known that I began to recognize my worth. I believe God sent Mr. Virgo to talk some sense into me and love some of that pain away.

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You are worthy. You are loved. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you are “less than” or “unloveable”. It simply is not true. God doesn’t want you to wait till you have your act together to come talk with Him. He loves you exactly where you are, exactly how you are, in spite of what is going on in your life. That is the message from the sermon yesterday and I just felt I needed to share that with you today. It’s Motivation Monday…time to straighten up your crown and own your worth today, dear ones. ❤️

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“With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith. We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.”\n‭‭2 Thessalonians‬ ‭1:11-12‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-07-17T01:55:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/17/road-trip-day-elevenyou-are.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure","Gratitude","Love","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/12/road-trip-day-sixi-made.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Six...\"I Made It!\"", "content_html": "\"GPS\"\n

OMGosh! I thought it was going to take forever to get here. With the long drive day on Monday, I was sure hoping today would go better. My good friend Diane called me Monday night and said, “I’m waiting to read about the fun part in this. Why on earth are you doing this if it’s so miserable?” And, my answer depends on when you ask. If you would have asked me Monday evening, I’d be hard pressed to come up with a good reason. But, if you asked me Thursday and Friday when I was camping with my gal pals, I’d tell you that’s the best. And if you ask me right this minute while TOW-Wanda is tucked in the shade at Ben and Sue’s house and my grandkids are here, I’d tell you this is the best. And, on the 24th, when Mr. FixIt and I head to the high country to camp for a week, I’ll tell you that’s the best. I will tell you this…the very worst day pulling a camper cross-country through Kansas in July at 103 degrees with no air conditioning STILL beats the very best day at work…hands down!

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Yesterday wasn’t as windy so the trailer wasn’t getting buffeted around so it was a much easier drive. It wasn’t quite so hot. It was a relatively short drive day. And, I slept eleven hours Monday night so I was rearing to go! I love a road trip…even when things don’t always go smoothly. It presents me with opportunities to work out problems on my own. And, even though I have this wonderful man in my life now, I’ll still be traveling on my own sometimes. It’s what I do. I’m not giving that part of my new life away. I’m accommodating Mr. FixIt INTO my new life, just as he is accommodating me into his.

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As I was driving along yesterday morning, I finally came across a Starbucks that was easily accessible. Yay! But what I found in the truck stop store was a bigger WOW! I love those big truck stop stores. They always have hard-to-find accessories. When I was in the wreck in February, everything made it out of my truck except the piece that attaches my Garmin GPS to the windshield. I had jury rigged something that sort of worked until the afternoon sun melted the adhesive. I found the replacement piece in that truck stop store yesterday and I was ecstatic! Problem solved. And, this mount is even better than the original! Score!

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I’m really looking forward to some lay-low days with family this week. I want to thank God first and foremost for travel mercies and thank all of you for your prayers and love and light sent out for my protection. I didn’t even see a single fender bender. God is the best and you all are, too! ❤️

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“Here’s what will happen. While you’re out among the nations where GOD has dispersed you and the blessings and curses come in just the way I have set them before you, and you and your children take them seriously and come back to GOD, your God, and obey him with your whole heart and soul according to everything that I command you today, GOD, your God, will restore everything you lost; he’ll have compassion on you; he’ll come back and pick up the pieces from all the places where you were scattered. No matter how far away you end up, GOD, your God, will get you out of there and bring you back to the land your ancestors once possessed. It will be yours again. He will give you a good life and make you more numerous than your ancestors.”\n‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭30:1-5‬ ‭MSG‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-07-12T01:55:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/12/road-trip-day-sixi-made.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Family","Travel","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","The Grand Adventure","Fun","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/09/road-trip-day-three.html", "title": "Road Trip: Day Three", "content_html": "\"Campfire\"\n

I had to say goodbye for now to my Girl Camper friends yesterday morning. I hit the road about 8:30 after enjoying coffee and breakfast burritos with the early birds. Hookup was easy and after doing my safety check and checking the air in my tires (thank you Jeremy and Stephany of RV Family Travel Atlas!) I was on the road in no time. I did find this new truck can’t tow nearly as fast or stable as the ole one. It must have something to do with that rear axle ration. It was still a little windy yesterday so that might have been a contributing factor. I can’t drive much over 60mph with this truck but then again, you shouldn’t tow over 65 anyway so it’s probably just as well. Maybe I’ll look at trucks in Colorado. The 373 rear axle ratio is much more available out there.

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I really took it easy yesterday. At lunch time, I pulled into a rest area and had lunch and a little power nap. I stopped at Camping World and bought extension mirrors so I can see around the back of my camper. I also bought some covers for the bedroom windows. The first thing I did when I bought this camper is take out the valances and shades. I hated them. But, when I travel alone and nap in the rest areas by the truckers, I’d just as soon not be so visible from the outside. I bought some Command Hooks and two cat litter mats that were the perfect size. I stuck the hooks on the outside of the camper and hung the mats over the windows on the outside. That way I still get air circulation when I open the windows. Brilliant!

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I pulled into another rest area at supper time and ate and stretched out again. I guess I needed to catch up with a little sleep. One thing I do when I drive is think about stuff. And I talk things over with God. It’s our special alone time. I was telling him how much I hated missing church this weekend. Especially since our pastor is coming back from vacation today. My plan for driving this trip was drive, stop, eat, nap, repeat. I really had no intention of camping in RV parks. When I was in Camping World, I saw the new RV Campground directory…their three inch thick book listing all the campgrounds that give a Good Sam discount as well as many other. I’ve always found it very helpful. When I woke up from my nap, Spirit told me to look in the book for the closest RV park. I know better than to question so I did and there was one three or four exits away called…get this…Grandpa’s Farm Campground. There were others, but that’s the one that jumped out at me. I called. They had one site left. I took it and was there in ten minutes. There was a group of about thirty people out on the front lawn playing bingo as I pulled in. Located right on the bank of a rushing stream, the sites were nicely spaced down at the end where I was parked. Full hookup with Wifi was $34.50 with the Good Sam discount, tax included. As I was signing in, I noticed on the map “This campground is run by a Christian family.” Camp Church is at 8:30 in the morning…free coffee and donuts at 8:15! Isn’t God good to provide a safe, clean place with church in the great outdoors?

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I took advantage of the full hookups to do some housekeeping last night. The tanks needed emptying and I hooked up to city water, turned on the hot water heater, and took probably the best shower of my life. And that did me in for the night. I always write my posts at night before I go to bed. I have to get into the Word when I write and search for the perfect scripture to go with it so this becomes my evening meditation. Another day safe, and closer to my babies. Mr. FixIt arrived safely in Florida last evening so I am very grateful for that as well. Have a happy Sunday! ❤️

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“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”\n‭‭Romans‬ ‭15:13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n\"Greenery\n

The last few nights have been insufferably hot and muggy in the farmhouse. There is a room air conditioner in the living room, but unless you’re sleeping on the couch, it doesn’t effectively cool down the house and ends up running up the electric bill to no avail. The best alternative is TOW-Wanda. Equipped with fans and open windows, it’s been pretty darned comfortable out there. I will miss this view of the bank along the driveway here at the farm. The lush green of West Virginia summers may bring bugs and humidity, but the foliage is a sight to see any given day of the week. Colorado is semi-arid so it is a sharp contrast from here. At least it’s a dry heat, right?

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I emptied out the belly of the camper yesterday and cleaned the floors. I reorganized the contents of the big tub of odds and ends I keep down there. After repacking, I cleaned out the fridge, scrubbed the floors and vacuumed the carpets. The pantry needs vacuumed and wiped out then restocked. The bathroom needs a good scrubbing and I need to organize the storage under the bed and in various cabinets. Since this new truck doesn’t have the torque the old one had, I need to be more conscious about my weight.

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I’ve made a list of last minute items for the trip. I’ll go into town for those today. Tomorrow I head out on another segment of The Grand Adventure. The longest Mr. FixIt and I have been separated was when I went to Colorado for a month at Christmas. We didn’t like it one bit. I so wanted to tell you about that homecoming back then but it was not the right time. I can tell you now. I flew in and out of Dayton because it is SO much cheaper and my dear friend Cindy lets me park at her house so I don’t have to pay for parking. That drive to the farm from Dayton felt like it took forever. I knew Mr. FixIt was at the farm waiting for me and I could hardly contain myself. It was after dark when I pulled into the driveway and I stopped dead in my tracks. For the first time since I was a child, the house was decorated. There were trees lit on the front porch and a large lit-up star on the second floor above the porch between the two windows! It made me cry. I jumped out of my truck and ran into the house squealing like a little girl. Mr. FixIt walked out from the living room and I stopped, mouth agape. He was wearing charcoal dress pants, a crisp white shirt, and a red sweater vest. He took my breath away and I knew…anyone who would do this for me was a keeper. He knew how much Christmas means to me and how much I love this house. He knew I missed having a country Christmas at the farm, so he made sure I had one on my return. What a wonderful guy!

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My babies live in Colorado. I have to see them as often as I can. In the meantime, Mr. FixIt has obligations he must attend to here. We couldn’t stand the thought of being apart two whole months so he’s flying out to join me for three weeks in the middle of my trip so he can meet the family. We’ll go camping and sightseeing as he has never spent time in Colorado. The kitties are covered, the farm is being watched, my sweetheart is coming to see me, and I get to spend quality time with my girls! What’s not to love about that? Sweetness. Sheer sweetness! ❤️

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“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”\n‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭4:9-12‬ ‭NIV

\n", "date_published": "2017-07-05T01:55:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/05/a-room-with-a-view.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","Love","God","Wisdom","Peaceful Moments","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/03/the-weekend-walkabout.html", "title": "The Weekend Walkabout", "content_html": "

 

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I’m a procrastinator. I have a list as long as my arm to prepare for this trip west. I could have spent the entire day yesterday cleaning and organizing the trailer, doing laundry, straightening up the house. But yesterday was the Lord’s day, so Mr. FixIt and I went to church first. The rest of the day was ours. We went my mother’s family’s reunion and made the introductions. Mutual admiration was expressed. Everyone loves Mr. FixIt. He’s highly personable and, like me, strangers are just friends he hasn’t met yet. We went from there to the City Park and wandered around the carnival. We played a few cards of bingo. We went to a car show. We stopped and visited friends. One of the coolest things about dating Mr. FixIt is…we have a ton of mutual friends so the comfort level is already there. It’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done. This man knows people wherever we go. Literally. My family reunion? A guy that worked at the plant. Church? The daughter of a friend in his bowling league. Car show? Two guys we went to high school with. It’s crazy…and SO fun!

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We ended the day with dinner out.

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We.

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We’ve been “us” for several months now yet it still surprises us sometimes. Because I have been trying to keep him under wraps, my posts have always been “I”. Now that we’ve decided to “go live” so to speak, there seems to be a bit of a learning curve. Like remembering to introduce the other. We’re at that point in our relationship where we’ve just passed this margin threshold where we have built up enough recent memories together to say …“Remember when we…” Oh, I love that! The icing on the cake is our shared memories from high school. I actually remember him from 2nd grade but he has no memory of me back then.

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We.

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Odd…but so lovely and exciting and full of promise. I love when he tells stories of “us”. I love that he got teary eyed when he read some of your comments about finding each other. I love that even though he had a difficult childhood, he is a kind, gentle, peaceful man. I love how he reaches for my hand when we stand to worship and pray in church. I love this man…my lifelong friend…my best friend.

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Someone commented yesterday that she didn’t understand my once a pickle, always a pickle analogy meaning I will always be a widow. The thing is, grief has no rule book. She felt remarrying meant she was no longer a widow. At what point does the pain of grief become fond memories? It’s different for everyone. And grief is variable by time. You can be fine, think it’s gone, truly fall in love, yet still be blindsided by a chance encounter, or the smell of familiar cologne. The way the light slants in at supper time. The sound of your grandchildren playing. Memories remain alive when you feed them. No, I’ll always be a widow. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be joyful. And crazy in love. ❤️

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“No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.”\n‭‭Joshua‬ ‭1:5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-07-03T01:55:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/03/the-weekend-walkabout.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Hope","Fun","Gratitude","Love","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/02/towwanda-is-home.html", "title": "TOW-Wanda is Home!", "content_html": "\"Starcraft\n

First of all…OMGosh! Your response to my post yesterday was more than I could have ever imagined. Thank you all so much for the lovely comments, likes, and shares. You warmed my heart! I was so worried that introducing a new party to this adventure would change the dynamic and people would drop away. It turns out, more people tuned in so we’re off to a good start in this new chapter of Mr. FixIt and me! Of course, grief is a lifelong process so I will still touch base on how that affects me as we go along. Ever the teacher.

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There’s an interesting timbre to this new man. None of the men I have been with in my sixty-four years were mechanically inclined. Mr. FixIt, however, is a mechanical engineer and a lifelong camper. Imagine how difficult it was for him to sit back and watch as I hooked up and unhooked my camper. Oh…this is entirely new territory for this guy! He wanted to do the heavy stuff for me, and while I certainly could have sandbagged and let him, I still will be traveling alone some of the time so I need to keep up my skills and know for certain how things have been hooked up. I know, I know…control issues. I asked him sweetly to wait till I got what I needed to do done, then I would share some of the other duties. I also told him when we camp in his campers (he has two!) I will sit in a chair and watch him till he has a job for me to do. I made it up to him by doing all the cooking and fixed some pretty fabulous meals! He did a wonderful job changing out the gas lines for me and helped me troubleshoot the electrical bug we had. He doesn’t get the name Mr. FixIt for nothing!

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When we arrived home I told him I needed to back the camper into the driveway rather than pull it in like I usually do. With the vintage camper up at the end of the drive, there was no room to get the truck out and around the camper. Our road is a narrow country lane and the driveway is tight. I have to say, I totally impressed Mr. FixIt with my mad backing skills! He was bragging about me at dinner Friday night when we met 20 of our classmates at a local Italian restaurant. I don’t think this guy has ever run across a woman like me. He just looks at me in amazement. It makes me smile.

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I washed the exterior of the camper yesterday. It hadn’t been cleaned since I was in Myrtle Beach in September of 2015. It looks so much nicer now. I need to do a deep cleaning inside in the next few days, reorganize, and pack her up for the trip cross country. I leave Thursday. I am traveling alone so I won’t be divulging my exact location when I’m there, but I’ll be checking in daily to give you progress reports and tips for traveling solo in a camper. Mr. FixIt gets to come join me in a couple of weeks and meet the family. That’s exciting!!! In the meantime, he’ll be holding down the fort for me and keep the farm going.

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Back off girls…I saw him first! ❤️

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“Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”\n‭‭Galatians‬ ‭6:4-5‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-07-02T01:55:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/02/towwanda-is-home.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Sisters on the Fly","Positive Energy","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","The Grand Adventure","Fun","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","goRVing","Love","God","Wisdom","Girl Camper"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/07/01/when-i-becomes-we.html", "title": "When \"I\" Becomes \"We\"", "content_html": "\"Two\n

You could knock me over with a feather. I never, ever dreamed I would get another chance at a deep, loving relationship after losing Mr. Virgo. I’ve walked this path of widowhood for over four years now. At first, I was adamant. I would never have another relationship because I would never go through this again. It was just too hard. I had an ill-advised attempt at dating just five months after my husband died suddenly. It didn’t take me long to figure out that was a bandaid that I hastily slapped on the gaping hole where my heart had been. When I ripped that bandage off, the pain was even more unbearable. I didn’t try again for another year. My second attempt wasn’t much better. Both were perfectly nice men. They just weren’t for me. And the timing was still too soon. I had a lot of healing to do before I could risk dating so I made up my mind I’d just give it to God. I told Him if He had someone for me He’d have to just dump him in my lap because I wasn’t going out there looking anymore. It was too hard on me and it wasn’t fair to involve men and break hearts along the way.

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I’ve kept myself busy. I’ve traveled. I’ve deepened my relationship with God because He became my primary focus. My writing grew in depth and meaning. My reach broadened. I had everything I needed. But I still wanted someone to share it all with. I was planning to live up at the river again when I came back to West Virginia last August. Then I got the call that my aunt wasn’t doing well and was going to go live with her brother. My uncle asked me to live on the family farm. And I put down more roots than I’ve had since I sold my Colorado house three years ago. It has been an amazing time of healing for me. I have a wonderful group of friends and a rich social life here.

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Sometime in the fall, I ran into an old friend from high school. I’ve known him for almost 49 years. I was fifteen and he was sixteen when we met. He was on the stage crew and I was in the art department. One day I was up on a ladder painting a backdrop. I heard someone clear his throat. I looked over and there was this tall, lanky redhead with the most beautiful blue eyes and an impish grin. We became fast friends and always looked for each other in the halls. Funny…we never dated in high school. We were both shy. We both went on and dated others and after graduation, our paths went in different directions. We never forgot each other though and were always so happy to catch up at class reunions.

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Sometime before Thanksgiving, we ran into each other and the timing was finally right for us. He invited me out for lunch and the rest, as they say, is history. He understands me. He is tender and sensitive to my needs as a widow. He has made room in our relationship for Mr. Virgo because he realizes he is only gone physically. He listens to my stories. He knows Mr. Virgo would have been the kind of guy he would have respected and enjoyed being around.

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I’ve been leaving breadcrumbs for you here. I’ve spoken of “my friend”, “my traveling companion”, and even his blog identity…“Mr. FixIt”. He has fixed many things for me…around the farm, around my heart, around my life. He is so much fun to be around. Sweet, attentive, open, honest to a fault…an honorable man I am proud to be with. We wanted to keep this to ourselves for a while for a number of reasons…not the least of which was just savoring every moment with it being just us. Now, we’re ready to step out into the world and walk through anything life hands us…hand in hand. I wasn’t sure how to tell you. I am not sure how this news will be received. But, since the very beginning, this blog has been about speaking openly and honestly about my grief journey…and this is just another twisty turn in it. My grief is not over. It will never be over. I’ve gotten through the worst of it, by far. Even though I’m in a relationship, I am still a widow. Once a pickle, always a pickle…you don’t get to go back to being a fresh cucumber again. I have always wanted my story to be about my love for God and to give you hope. Hope that, if you want to travel, pull a little camper, write a blog, or fall in love again…you can. Life comes to a screeching halt after the death of a spouse. Everyone’s grief is different…but, you CAN find joy again. I’m living proof of that.

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I hope you will stick around and see what comes next. I hope you’ll share the love and joy and hope. It’s all about beauty. It’s all about love. It’s all about life. ❤️

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“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”\n‭‭Amos‬ ‭3:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-07-01T01:55:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/07/01/when-i-becomes-we.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Fun","West Virginia","Gratitude","Love","God","Wisdom","Aging","Starting Over"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/26/that-one-day-in-june.html", "title": "That One Day in June", "content_html": "\"Collage\n

There’s one day in June. It’s perfect. The temp hovers at 80 with a nice breeze. The puffy clouds float in a clear, blue sky. The green is ever so slightly past the bright apple green of spring but not nearly the darker green that come with July’s heat. A green that is so intense and so pervasive you feel EVERYTHING is chock full of chlorophyll. From the moment you rise to the time to rest your head on the pillow again, the day is chock-a-block full of fun summer activities. Yesterday was just such a day!

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It began, of course, with church. Pastor Justin was away so the team leaders each came forward and spoke about the mission statement and the various guidelines our church works toward. It was informative and encouraging. Afterward, I changed into shorts (I still cannot force myself to wear shorts to church!) and headed to the park to walk. When I got out of the truck I saw a huge crowd and realized there was a car show going on. What a treat to walk around and talk to these auto enthusiasts and run into folks I know! Once I had seen all the cars and trucks, I walked two miles. As I did my laps and passed the baseball field, two teams started to warm up for an afternoon game. I stopped and watched a bit. Then I went to Marietta for a late lunch of Mexican food. I drove my friend home and headed out to the parsonage at the Methodist Church in Smithville for the going-away party being held in honor of Pastor Matthew and his fiancé, Felicia. It was bittersweet telling them goodbye. I have grown quite fond of them both but I know I will see them in Ohio. It was wonderful to share stories of how God is working in all of our lives and to spend a couple of hours win fellowship with some wonderful people that I have met through the local Revivals.

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I drove home in a soft rain then watched the sky turn scarlet as the sun set. It was a day to remember. I love those best. ❤️

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“He told them this parable: “Look at the fig tree and all the trees. When they sprout leaves, you can see for yourselves and know that summer is near. Even so, when you see these things happening, you know that the kingdom of God is near. “Truly I tell you, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.”\n‭‭Luke‬ ‭21:29-33‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-06-26T01:55:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/26/that-one-day-in-june.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Peaceful Moments"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/25/weekend-walkabout.html", "title": "Weekend Walkabout", "content_html": "\"Bowl\n

It rained off and on all day Friday. The remnants of Tropical Depression Cindy finally blew through at about 7:30 in the evening. I went for a drive up over the far ridge and picked berries till I got to a place where a tree was down across the road. I hooked up a heavy duty tow line but it had landed right beside another tree and was locked in like a gate. So I backed up a ways and did a three-point turn to get out of there. Right about then, my phone went crazy with tornado watches and severe thunderstorm warnings. The sky opened up as soon as I got home. All told, we got an inch and a half of rain overnight which was good because we were getting pretty dry.

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I met my high school girlfriends for coffee yesterday morning which is always a delight. I won’t get to see most of them till fall. I went for a drive in the afternoon and bought a couple hummingbird feeders as mine developed a leak. Then I stopped at this little hole in the wall BBQ joint in a nearby college town for the best…ribs…EV-ER! Got home and went for a long walk as the evening cooled then settled in here on the porch to watch the lightning bugs. It was another beautiful day in paradise!

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As I was walking along the little two-lane blacktop by the farm, I got to thinking about yesterday’s post about patience and realized patience, or rather…the lack thereof, is really all about control. Not control as in controlling your temper. I’m talking that illusion we so often carry with us that somehow we have control in this life. There are somethings we do have control over. Our reactions. Our attitudes. Our immediate needs to a certain extend. If we fail to “save for a rainy day”, we’ve passed up an opportunity to control our spending. My patience runs thin when others don’t do things on my time line and that’s where we get into trouble. The girls and I were discussing this at coffee yesterday. My point was “I want what I want and I want it now. I ALSO want what I want and I want it NOW. I try. I really try to remember what a doctor told me once. He was counseling Hubby #2 and I when we were having an amniocentesis. We were talking about our older daughter and how we were trying to get her to do some such thing…I don’t remember what now. He said, “Here, let me write this one piece of advice down for you. It will absolutely change your life and you’ll never forget it.” He proceeded to pull out a 3x5 card, wrote something on it and handed it to us. It read…“Give up all illusions that you have control of your children after they’re 13.” So true. Oh, there was a little more control when we could take away the car keys. But other than that, if you don’t have the good stuff in them long before they turn 13, you’ve gone way past the cutoff date.

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I can’t control anyone. I can’t even control myself sometimes. Control is an ill-conceived illusion of power where there is none and causes more problems in relationships that anything else, in my opinion. Money quarrels…control. Housework conflicts…control. Relationship issues…many are just power struggles. So how do you give up control? Heck if I know. I’m still working on patience. I suppose the best way to give up control is to ask God to help you remember that HE is in ultimate control and you’ll keep trying to move out of his way. When you let go of a kite, it will fly straight and true. But if you try to hang onto the tail, it’s not going anywhere. Practice, practice, practice. You’d think we’d have this all figured out by this age, wouldn’t you? ❤️

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“Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”\n‭‭Luke‬ ‭12:22-26‬ ‭NIV

\n", "date_published": "2017-06-25T01:55:33-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/25/weekend-walkabout.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/24/on-being-patient.html", "title": "On Being Patient", "content_html": "\"\"\n

This is a tough one for most people. I try. I think I practice humility, most of the time. And I feel I approach people gently. But patience? If patience is a virtue, I am far from being a virtuous woman! The pastor was talking last weekend about what happens when you can see your goals and dreams but they just aren’t manifesting for you in real time. What happens when you get a clear picture of what God wants you to do but no matter what you try, you can’t get there? Oh, it’s so hard to be patient and wait for things to happen in God’s time, isn’t it?

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I’ve never been patient. I want things my way and I want them now. That doesn’t mean I can’t compromise in relationships, but I’d have to say…if you ask either of my former husbands…they would tell you I’m a pistol. If my mom were still living? Oy. Let’s just say, I’ve never been patient. Trust me on this.

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So…how do you become patient if that is not your nature? The answer is, of course, with practice. Impatience comes from being reactionary. Slowing things down, taking a breath, giving yourself a moment to think automatically makes you more patient by simple pausing. I used to blurt out answers to questions, sometimes regretting my response immediately. I am trying to practice, “Hmmmm…I’ll think about that and get back to you.” Unless you are in a life and death situation, most people don’t actually NEED an immediate response. They will probably prefer it, but seldom NEED it.

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I’ve stopped praying for patience because it seemed like that was just like asking God to give me more opportunities to BE patient. I have enough of those without asking for more. We all have faults. If we wish for others to be patient with us, then we must practice patience. And…when they are not patient with us, we have to practice twice as hard. Patience brings peace and calm to stressful situations. I know this intellectually. I just have to remember to practice it. I suppose that is why, in the English language, we say “practice patience”…not “DO patience”.

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All things are done in God’s time anyway. Impatience in any situation is just wasted energy. Mindfulness can help ease impatience while we wait for results. Clearly, all we have is this present moment. All other moments are memory or anticipation. I guess it boils down to our perception of control. We cannot change the actions of others…we can only control our reaction to them. So, I’ll keep practicing. ❤️

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“You say, “I choose the appointed time; it is I who judge with equity.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭75:2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-06-24T01:55:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/24/on-being-patient.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/22/there-is-hope.html", "title": "There is Hope", "content_html": "\"Before\n

If you are grieving, please know there is hope…for healing, for brighter days, for joy. Those of us who have walked this particular journey know full well the feelings of hopelessness that come in the dark of night. We know how hard it is to find the motivation to do the simplest of everyday tasks like personal grooming, cleaning house, cooking. Preparing a meal becomes Herculean. Brushing your teeth is as daunting as climbing Everest. Balancing your checkbook is something you did in a former life…you know, that time back in the day when your brain functioned as it should.

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When you are slogging through the midst of this madness called grief, it is easy to lose hope that things will ever get better. After all, how could they without your special person? I know, when I lost Mr. Virgo, my world came crashing in at my feet and I swore I would never feel anything but the crushing pain of loss. I was so tired, so depressed, so angry, so fearful. In the picture on the left, my eyes were puffy from crying all the time. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat right. I didn’t exercise. It was all I could do to breathe…and I didn’t even do that very well. Do you remember what it felt like to not be able to take in a deep breath? I sighed..a lot. That’s actually a physiological response to grief.

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I was a Christian before I lost Mr. Virgo. One of the “hidden gems in the flames” of grief has been a closer relationship with God. That depth of love has brought me through the darkest days of my life. I cannot imagine how I could have possibly survived this without my faith. There were long nights where sleep simply would not come and anxiety would have me paralyzed and physically ill. I tried everything to make it stop. There were nights I thought about the gun in the cupboard. About how easy it would be to just end this suffering. But…I simply could not do that. After having suffered a near-fatal overdose during a severe depression seventeen years ago, and seeing the devastation that caused my family, I knew full well that would never be my way out. No, somehow I had to find a way to get through this.

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I remember nights when I couldn’t pray. I couldn’t form words. All I could do was moan in pain. I would close my eyes and visualize Jesus. I would picture him sitting on a bench in a beautiful garden…his robes as white as snow, his dusty sandals strapped to his road-worn feet. I couldn’t speak before him. All I could do was moan…my pain escaping from my throat in guttural gasps. And when I would look at him, he showed me such compassion. He held his arms out to welcome me into his presence. I walked forward and collapsed at his feet and laid my head upon his knee and sobbed. And he would gently stroke my hair and console me. He loved me as a father…as a brother. He poured his mighty love and light over me and washed away the pain for that particular night with the sincere promise that I could come back any time for more. He is always there…my comforter, my rock. And now look…he poured SO much love and light into me, it flows outward. I finally fully understand the phrase, “My cup runneth over.”

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If I bring you anything with my words, let me bring you hope. Hope for brighter days. Hope for sleep-filled nights. Hope for healing. Hope for joy. I couldn’t have done this alone. I have my writing. I have you all. I have the love of friends and family. And I have Jesus. Jesus makes me shine. He most definitely makes me shine. Ok…Rodan & Fields skincare helps, too…but it’s mostly Jesus! ❤️

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“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”\n‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:26-27‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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#RFGoNaked

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\n", "date_published": "2017-06-22T01:55:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/22/there-is-hope.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/20/beyond-coincidence.html", "title": "Beyond Coincidence", "content_html": "\"Clouds\"\n

I know I have been delving into matters of faith a lot the last few weeks. I know there is a delicate balance between what people are willing to listen to and that point where they shut down and say, “Yeah, ok. I’ve heard enough of this.” And they move on. I get it. I really try not to get preachy here because matters of faith are highly personal. And, since I am wont to do, I often share highly personal things here…much to the chagrin of some of my family and friends. Sometimes what I talk about might make you uncomfortable. That’s ok. Feeling uncomfortable once in a while is good. It makes us think. It helps us to question and make choices. The things I tell you about my experiences in my faith, I tell because there is someone out there who has questions but are afraid to ask. I tell you these things because I am amazed at how God works in my life, even as I have come to expect it. That being said, let me tell you what happened in my world yesterday.

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First, I’ll go back a little. You know how I’ve been working on my social media platform. My agent wants to see my numbers go higher. I’ve been doing everything I can and asking for God to open doors for me. And steadily, the numbers trickle in. One new like. Three. None for weeks. Two. Slow and steady. I was feeling impatient. I could see where God was leading me, but I just wasn’t seeing the results I wanted. It was really frustrating. Then I went to Revival. And I learned to start every single prayer with “Thank you, Lord…for every provision.” I praise him and thank him for this and that…naming specific things. Then, and only then, do I enter into the action-word portion of my plea. This is what I think I need. How can I better serve you? What do you need of me? I knock on the door of God’s heart and ask him to bring me the words he wants me to say and the people who need to hear them. I ask him to Bless me, indeed. Expand my territory. Walk with his hand over me and keep evil far from me so that I may not feel pain. And I went to Revival. I was anointed. There was the laying of hands on me. Fervent prayers were made on my behalf. I received the gift of the Holy Spirit. I developed new friendships in faith. I entered into a faith-filled community and came out changed.

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I told you yesterday that I went to the little white church on the hill to say farewell to the young Pastor Matt. I told you he had helped me access places deep within. The prayers over me in the last several weeks have been focused on my writing, my blog, my ministry. Fear was driven from me in some weird supernatural way that I still can’t quite understand. Then Sunday, Pastor Matt anointed us all one last time to help us get whatever we need, whatever we are searching for. He prayed on our behalf. His prayer Sunday was for a huge opportunity. As a matter of fact, I think he said something like, “Something big is coming, girl. Like, soon.” Soon. Ok, how about 27 hours? I received an email yesterday from the reporter who interviewed me for the New York Times a little over a year ago. Now, this woman has been on my mind for the last two or three weeks. I’d pick up my phone to send her a text to check in. You know, to put myself in the front of her mind in case she’s working on a story she can use me in. That New York Times article was a huge boost for my blog. But, just as soon as I would start to look up her e-mail address, Spirit would whisper. “Put it down. She knows. She remembers.” And I would put down the phone and go on. Yesterday, she sent me an e-mail saying she’s working on an article about widowhood and retirement for a large financial company for their online magazine and could she use me in this article. Yes, she remembered me. She reads my blog. I am honored because she is a very prolific, well known author. I am honored she wants to include me again. But I am most of all…blessed. Indeed. I’m getting another opportunity to expand my territory. And God most certainly walks with his hand over me and keeps evil far from me.

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When I replied, I told her that she has been on my mind the last few weeks. I told her the timing couldn’t have been more perfect because I need to boost these social medial numbers. She wrote back and said this online magazine is read by 1,000,000+ readers over the age of 50. Wow. Just…wow. I had to tell you. I had to share with you. This is how God is working in my life. I come expecting great things. I see the provision come and it stuns me. Coincidence? Some of you may think so. Planetary alignment? My moon is in Aquarius? My chakras are aligned? You may think that. But I know. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt who orchestrated this. This is a God thing…plain and simple. Thank you, Jesus. ❤️

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“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:26‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-06-20T01:55:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/20/beyond-coincidence.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","Gratitude","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/19/weekend-walkabout.html", "title": "Weekend Walkabout", "content_html": "\"\"\n

We are truly knee-deep in June now here in West Virginia. We’ve been getting some rain finally. But oh my…it has been so hot so now it’s muggy. It is a pleasure to lay in front of an open window at night, though. When the cool of the evening comes in and you pull a quilt up to your chin, it makes for divine sleeping weather.

\n\"Magnolua\"\n

I went to town for the last Saturday evening service at my church till fall. I love going on Saturday night, going out to dinner with a friend afterwards, then taking a long walk by the river as the day cools off. It was a perfect evening.

\n\"Marietta,\n

As I write this, the thunder is rolling on the surrounding hills. I love thunderstorms! So far we have been really lucky and haven’t lost electricity. The cats are sitting at opposite ends of the porch. Old Mama Kitty has her nose out of joint because I scooted her away when she tried to jump up on me. She has never done that so I suppose I am now officially the Food Goddess of the tribe. I wouldn’t mind giving her a cuddle, but fleas and ticks have been a problem in the past and I found I was out of flea treatment when I looked. I must put that on my list.

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The turkeys are calling in the bottom across the road. A pair of cardinals are chasing each other around the locust flowers. An Eastern Bluebird has made his appearance the last few evenings and sits on the phone line a few feet from me as if he has no place better to be. Mr. Virgo has always sent me bluebirds. This one showed up the day I brought “Joy” home. His official seal of approval.

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I went to church at the little white church on the hill yesterday so I could say farewell to young Pastor Matt. He is taking a new charge, and a new wife we found out yesterday, to a small town north of Cleveland. I have grown quite fond of that young man. He has helped me reach something deep inside that has never been touched. I feel filled by the Holy Spirit through deep, fervent prayer and anointing. The last night I attended Revival, I was facing a situation coming up that normally would fill me with fear and dread and anxiety. I needed to be absolutely at the top of my game last week to help a friend through a scary medical procedure. At the altar call, I went forward and knelt and prayed that God would remove this fear from me completely so that I could be of service to my friend. I had no sooner knelt down when I felt hands on my back and shoulders. Pastor Matt’s father is a pastor as well and he put his arm around my shoulders and started praying loudly over me. Exultant, exuberant, fervent pleas went up asking for exactly what I was silently praying for. He shouted, “Lord, bring this sister the strength and courage she needs to go through what she is faced with this week. Let her be strong and fearless as she marches through what she needs to do!” This went on and on. I was stunned. How did he know? I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me and I could do nothing but bask in this praise and prayer surrounding me. I was totally drained when I got up and went back to my seat. And you know what? From that moment on, any dread, any anxiety, any fear left me completely. I helped my friend get through the procedure as though I’d had a sedative, I kid you not. It was downright supernatural. I want more of that. How could you not want more of that?

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I’m loving this space that I’m in right now. I’m walking in love and light and Spirit. It’s incredibly peaceful. As I sign off for the night, the lightning bugs are rising, the rain is falling, and the thunder rolls. I hope you have a wonderful Monday. Make a choice to have a good week. Lift people up. Pay it forward. Be good and kind to one another. Life is a beautiful thing…really appreciate it while you’ve got it. ❤️

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“When the apostles in Jerusalem heard that Samaria had accepted the word of God, they sent Peter and John to Samaria. When they arrived, they prayed for the new believers there that they might receive the Holy Spirit, because the Holy Spirit had not yet come on any of them; they had simply been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus. Then Peter and John placed their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit.”\n‭‭Acts‬ ‭8:14-17‬ ‭NIV

\n", "date_published": "2017-06-19T01:55:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/19/weekend-walkabout.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","The Farm","Gratitude","God","The Cats","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/15/in-transition.html", "title": "In Transition", "content_html": "\"Tussock\n

The life I led before becoming a widow fell away from me on March 12, 2013. I was a beautiful caterpillar before that day…pretty, perfect, moving from meal to meal mindlessly. Oh, it didn’t seem mindless at the time. I was full of energy and purpose and life and love. But the day Mr. Virgo died, the “ME” I was left for good. I tried for a long time to get her back. In my naïveté, I thought it was somehow possible to get over all this and get back to the business of living my life as a caterpillar. After a while, I finally got it…that part of my life was over.

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I went into my cocoon, that dark space where I worked on what was inside somehow trusting the outside would follow. And eventually, after lots of prayer and time and travel and mistakes, I finally emerged…changed, to be sure. But with wings! Wings that have carried me to new heights. To new places. To new life, new love, new friends, new peace.

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As I sat on the front porch yesterday, this little yellow caterpillar crawled up on an old pair of boots I have sitting on a table outside Grandma’s front window. I watched it explore this inanimate object in search of food. It’s a beautiful thing…soon to become a tussock moth. I contemplated all the varieties of caterpillars there are in the world. They are different for a reason. They are meant to become a moth or a butterfly…whether a short, stubby, nondescript gypsy moth or a magnificent luna moth, a tiny Karner Blue or a Monarch or a Swallowtail…they will all have wings and fulfill their destinies.

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Widows are the butterflies of love and loss…we transform through a period of darkness, stillness encased in a hard shell, a chrysalis, a crucible of change. When our time comes and we are ready, we start to grow. Our comfortable shell, that place that helped protect us from the world, begins to feel too tight, too constricting. In the time before we break through to our new life, this one begins to feel quite painful. It is in that moment we think we can’t do this anymore. It’s just too much. We’ve endured so much pain, so much discomfort. Now, here we are going through it again. Unlike the caterpillar, we have a choice to make here. Stay in this dark place forever or emerge into the world of the unknown, fresh and new, yet forever changed.

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What we have the hardest time seeing in that dark place is the beauty of the life beyond. If we can just drag ourselves out on the limb, hang on by tips of our fingers, and trust God to work on our hearts, life blood pumps into our wings and they begin to expand and dry. For a while we sit there, in disbelief. We flex our wings…our beautiful, multicolored wings…and in a glorious moment of magic, we fly!

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There is a certain ambivalence between sorrow and healing. What starts out as a line as thick and strong as a ship’s anchor chain, time and healing stretches that connection to our loved one out into a thinner and finer cord. Still strong, but lighter. If you cut that cord that ties you, are you unfaithful to the memory of your lost love? Have you turned your back on what that relationship meant to you? Are you betraying your life partner if you choose to step out into the sun? I don’t believe so. Spreading my wings and flying is exactly what my love would want, would expect, me to do. I’ll never forget my days as a caterpillar but I’m choosing to move forward, to live my life as a glorious butterfly. To really own that. I choose to fly. ❤️

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“The LORD our God said to us at Horeb, “You have stayed long enough at this mountain.”\n‭‭Deuteronomy‬ ‭1:6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-06-15T01:55:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/15/in-transition.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/14/let-your-light-shine.html", "title": "Let Your Light Shine", "content_html": "\"Meme:\n

Yesterday was a perfectly wonderful birthday! I was heading to town and kept getting delayed. As I finally set out, the thought came to mind, “It’s a dangerous road…take your time.” I don’t rush when I drive this little country road to town. I just kept getting his message…go easy, go easy. I’ve learned to listen. As I rounded a bend, there was an ice truck lying on its side nearly blocking both lanes. No one was injured, and because it had just happened and the police and rescue weren’t there yet, I got around it and made it to town for my appointment. My lesson is this…listen for that still, small voice. It guides you and protects you!

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First stop was the chiropractor. I love her! She is such a hoot. Today she was full of stories about her Harley. After my adjustment, I went to brunch with a friend then ran errands in a hellacious thunderstorm. Finally headed home to feed the cats, plant some bushes, and clean the oven from the cherry pie juice that burned on the bottom.

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I had a zillion friends and relatives and readers send birthday greetings. I honestly tried to answer each one personally but it was never ending. I finally had to resort to the old standard general message thanking everyone for their kindness. Such an amazing blessing and outpouring of love. I used up all my writing time and now I’m saying to all of you…thank you so much for your kind greetings for my birthday. I had the BEST day! You all are awesome!!! ❤️

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“Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.”\n‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭46:4‬ ‭NIV

\n", "date_published": "2017-06-14T01:55:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/14/let-your-light-shine.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/11/what-lies-beneath.html", "title": "What Lies Beneath", "content_html": "\"Old\n

I was awake bright and early yesterday. I love staying at my cousin’s house up on North Mountain. They have a pavilion overlooking a pond. We had a cookout Friday night and a lovely visit. I went to sleep to the sound of whip-poor-wills and awoke to the lowing of cattle at dawn. I left around 8:00 and headed to visit my uncle and two aunts. I took my uncle for a ride in my new truck and ran errands. We had a nice lunch and I picked some sour pie cherries before heading home.

\n\"Sites\n

The drive back to the farm takes you through an area called Seneca Rocks. There are some really amazing rock formations. A climbing school teaches people to take advantage of the sheer, vertical rock walls. For the less adventurous, horseback rides are available that take you the long way around and very close to the top. You can hike the rest of the way up. I’ve done that before…it was amazing! There are two old timey stores and a restaurant. One of my favorite things is the old Sites Homestead…especially when they are holding a special event like yesterday’s quilt show. Women were sitting around quilting or preparing long rag strips to make rag rugs out of. I had a lovely conversation with the Heritage Gardener. I was going to quiz her to see if she knew what that awesome “hairy berry” plant was that I found this week and when I turned to her…there was a huge Wine Berry bush right there. Go figure!

\n\"The\n

As my new friend showed me around the homestead, she gave me a tour of the historic quilts. Most of the quilters were identified as well as where they lived, when the quilt was made, and the name of the quilt pattern. She made a point to show me this one particular quilt. It was hung so that the sun could shine through it. She pointed out the quilt within the quilt…a Double Wedding Band covered by a Dresden Plate when the old quilt got too worn. When I saw that, it reminded me of the resiliency of the Spirit. When we are tattered and worn, broken seemingly beyond repair…the Spirit cleanses us and makes us new again when we ask. It’s so simple…so remarkable…such a miracle. I loved the frugal nature of the quilter…nothing was wasted.

\n\"Sour\n

I arrived home as the sun was setting. I sat in the backyard and listened to my own whip-poor-wills. The mama robin swooping in to feed her nestlings. The kitty rubbing my legs, welcoming me home. The deer foraging on the hillside. The possum ambling out from behind the barn hoping to get a bite or two of cat food. I sighed…a contented smile on my face. Another day in Paradise! ❤️

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“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.”\n‭‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:17‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-06-11T01:55:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/11/what-lies-beneath.html", "tags": ["Family","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/08/the-walkabout.html", "title": "The Walkabout", "content_html": "\"Roosters\"\nI've been walking a lot the last three days and wanted to share some photographs I've taken along the way. Hopefully, you can get a flavor of June on the farm.\n\"Turtle\n

Yesterday was really chilly. So chilly, in fact, I had to draw the bedroom window nearly closed and drink hot tea. This has been one of those weeks where I either sleep like a stone or I’m awake all night. I hate those nights. It gives me too much time to think. In the past, my mind often led me down paths where I really had no business going and anxiety would rear it’s ugly head at me.

\n\"\"\n

One thing I have come to know through these Revivals is I have power over darkness. I can send Satan packing with my words. I am a scientist. I worked in medicine for decades. I was married to a doctor for 21 years. And…this I know…doctors do not know everything. When I went through that severe depression as my second marriage was failing, I saw a psychiatrist who spoke death into my life at every visit. He kept saying to me, “This is just the way you are. You have a chemical imbalance in your brain and you have to take all of these medicines every day for the rest of your life, just like a diabetic takes insulin.” It’s no wonder I couldn’t pull out of depression. Those words alone were depressing, let alone the circumstances in my life that were contributing to it. Once I got with a competent doctor, it took him an entire year to convince me I really didn’t have a chemical imbalance and I could safely go off all that medication. It took another two years…two years of withdrawal symptoms with this electrical “zapping” feeling behind my eyes…before I was safely off the medications. All told, I lost a decade of my life unnecessarily. It was wicked darkness.

\n

We get what we order into our lives. We can speak depression and anxiety into our lives and we can speak it out. I am not advising you stop any medications your healthcare provider prescribes. I am not giving medical advice. My spiritual path has set me free from the chains that held me captive for so long.

\n

Living a simplified life has opened my heart, expanded my mind, eased my spirit, and strengthened my body. I can walk freely these days and forge through the challenges life throws at me much more quickly because I know God is there with me always. I am filled with awe and wonder at this amazing life I’ve been blessed with. ❤️

\n

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:8‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-06-08T01:55:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/08/the-walkabout.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","West Virginia","The Farm","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/07/getting-filled-up.html", "title": "Getting Filled Up", "content_html": "\"Basket\n

Whew! Revival…can you stand some more? The young evangelist who led the Revival at Grandma’s church a few weeks ago has four churches in his charge. At the ripe old age of 26 or so, this guy is a crackerjack, for sure. He’s leading a Revival in a church in a neighboring community this week. I was able to attend the last couple of nights and let me tell you, it was just as powerful (if not more so) as the first one I attended.

\n

As I sat listening to this young man preach and I looked over the attendees, I got this vision of a bunch of baskets. I’d go back to listening, then pretty soon I’d be thinking about baskets again. As I drove home, I slowly made my way through the twists and turns of country roads, watching for deer and any other critters. I no sooner pulled out on the two-lane blacktop when the baskets were back. So, I did what I always do when something incessantly niggles at my brain and I can’t get rid of it. I had a conversation with God.

\n

Me: OK, Lord…what’s with the baskets?

\n

God: Wait a minute…is that any way to start out a conversation with me? What were you just telling the good folks at church? Something about “thanks”, I think it was.

\n

Me: You’re absolutely right…Lord, thank you for never having your phone off the hook when I call you! Thank you for always being there and for the blessings you give me. I’m confused though. Why are you showing me baskets?

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God: Look at these baskets. They’re all different shapes, all different sizes. They have different patterns, different colors. They have one thing in common…they are woven. They can carry lots of things. Eggs, vegetables, flowers, stones. But, what if I were to ask you to carry water from my well in one of these baskets? Could you do that?

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Me: Of course not…they are woven. There are holes in them. The water would run right through!

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God: That’s right…it would. You are like a basket. You are woven together in exactly the way I patterned you. All the people of the world are like baskets. They are as different as fingerprints. And, they all have holes in them. You are a thirsty people. When you take your basket to the well, you can’t carry the water you need to quench that thirst. It falls on the ground.

\n

Me: Ok. I can see that. I still don’t understand what you’re getting at.

\n

God: I am the most important water…the Living Water. That is the only Water that flows from MY well. Would you have the Living Water spill out on the ground and be wasted?

\n

Me: No! Of course not! But how can I keep that from happening if I’m a basket full of flaws and holes?

\n

God: Ahhhh…I’m glad you asked! It’s very simple, really. You have to line the basket with something waterproof. Something that will plug up the leaks so you can carry my Living Water within you.

\n

Me: What would do that? What could I use?

\n

God: The recipe is simple. You start out with a good strong base of Obedience. Then you spread on a thick layer of Faith. Top that off with a whole bunch of Prayer and you’ll have a strong, waterproof lining that will carry my Living Water. Then you can drink to your heart’s content and quench that thirst you’ve been carrying around with you.

\n

Me: What if my basket springs a leak?

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God: The enemy will try to poke holes in your basket at every turn. You must always be vigilant. I have given you power…super powers to be exact. Your words are mighty weapons. Speak life into your situation. Tell the enemy to stay away from you and leave your basket alone!

\n

Me: As simple as that?

\n

God: As simple as that.

\n

We complicate life. We worry. We suffer anxiety at every turn. When we use our words to speak life into our lives, darkness has no choice but to flee. When we create a waterproof lining, we can carry anything…Water, light, precious gems of goodness. Watch how you think. Then watch how you speak. Speak love and light and life into your lives. You’ll march through the crises of your lives much quicker when you plug up the leaks. ❤️

\n

““Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it."”\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7:24-27‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-06-07T01:55:17-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/07/getting-filled-up.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","Gratitude","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/06/medicine-for-my-soul.html", "title": "Medicine for my Soul", "content_html": "\"White-breasted\n

The air was thick with the promise of rain. The breeze was cool enough to wear a light sweater. I sipped my coffee as I watched a little White Breasted Nuthatch zip back and forth between the feeders. My new addition of a dried wax worm cake is a big hit with some of my avian friends. I tucked suet balls in the old, rotting poplar stump where my rain gauge is perched. My morning walk was finished an hour before, my hair nearly dry from the brief rain shower on the second half.

\n

I sent a link for yesterday’s post to Daughter #2. She remembered the original story of Marshmallow Ranch. At least, she remembered the retelling over the years. She loved the picture of me sitting on the white-wrapped hay bale. She read the post and told me it was well written. As self-confident as I have become in these last few years, I still love that bit of validation I get when someone I love enjoys my writing. She was quick to tell me she was sorry I still feel like I’m living down the effects my illness caused my family when she was a child. She has long since forgiven all that. She is my baby. It is what it is. There is no such thing as yesterday and tomorrow. They are merely reflection or anticipation…both functions of the brain, but not real in the tangible sense. Really, the only thing we can experience is this moment…and, in this moment, I am not that person I was in the past nor am I the person I will become. That is liberating.

\n

As the day waned, my lack of sleep from the night before lured me to stretch out and let the birdsong lull me to rest. Afterward, I had a bite to eat then went to another Revival…this one in a neighboring community led by the same young evangelist from the Revival at Grandma’s church. So, we’ll be shouting some praises again this week…Hallelujah! ❤️

\n

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭51:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-06-06T01:55:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/06/medicine-for-my-soul.html", "tags": ["West Virginia","The Farm","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/06/05/in-my-own-voice.html", "title": "In My Own Voice", "content_html": "\"Woman\n

For those of you who are fairly new here, the whole thing started with this field. Twenty-two years ago, I brought the kids to West Virginia to introduce my future son-in-law to the family. Daughter #1 was about 19 and #2 was about 4. We went for a drive in the country, came around a bend, and here was this field filled with what looked all the world to be giant marshmallows. #1 told #2 that this was a Marshmallow Ranch. “This is where they grow the marshmallows really big then they cut them up in little pieces, put them in bags, and sell them at the stores.” she said.

\n

Years later, I owned a little needlework shop called Needles & Pins. When I made items to sell in the shop, I created an art division of the company and called it Marshmallow Ranch because it was cute and catchy. Three months before Mr. Virgo died, I revived the name and began making handcrafted jewelry and art out of antique silverware and maps. I opened an Etsy shop and started this page. When I became a widow, I really wished I had a grief mentor to walk me through the painful journey ahead of me. Since I didn’t, I decided to BE that mentor for others and began blogging about what I was going through, with an honest and open heart…no matter how ugly it got. I already had around 400 followers at this point so I just kept the name and that started four years of daily blog posts. It’s been an interesting, painful, challenging journey. It has also been filled with hope, love, and joy…something I certainly couldn’t see starting out.

\n

I didn’t really start speaking in my own voice until death whipped every ounce of pretense out of me. I had spent two decades as a Jewish doctor’s wife and never really felt “authentic” in that space. When you are raised in the home of an unpredictable alcoholic, you learn to tap dance for your supper. When you are born into a family with a child with a developmental disability, you learn to not give your mom any more trouble than what she is already facing. You learn to be the clown, to not rock the boat, to make everyone laugh. Above all else, I wanted to make my mom laugh. In so doing, I became a chameleon. I “changed colors” with my environment in order to fit in.

\n

When I couldn’t keep all the balls in the air anymore, I dropped into a deep depression and spent seven years in what has come to be known in my family as “The Prozac Years.” I cannot be held entirely responsible for my behaviors from 1993 through 2000. Prozac altered my personality and I didn’t care about anything or anyone…a fact I’m still making up for. I was much more genuine the seven years I was with Mr. Virgo, but still, I hid parts of who I was…from him, from my family, from everyone. Grief has a way of stripping you bare. Your heart breaks open wide and shatters to the floor in a million shards. At some point you realize you have come to a crossroads. Stay where you are with your heart at your feet, or pick up the pieces and put yourself back together as best you can. What better time to drop all pretenses and become the genuine “you” you were born to be? I would stand in front of the mirror and ask God to show me who He wanted me to be…who He had MADE me to be. And bit by bit, piece by piece, I discovered my genuine voice. It’s much easier to just BE than it is to try to fit in.

\n

That’s the peace you see on my face when you send me such lovely messages about my pictures. That is the genuine, real me…relaxed in my own skin for perhaps the first time in my life. What you see is God’s love shining through me. I’m merely a conduit, passing on the Light I have been graced with. My cup is full to overflowing. ❤️

\n

“Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.”\n‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭3:3-4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-06-05T01:55:48-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/06/05/in-my-own-voice.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/28/shooting-stars.html", "title": "Shooting Stars", "content_html": "\"Sun-kissed\n

I didn’t go anywhere yesterday. I sat out on the front deck with my coffee for a couple of hours then took a short walk on the beach. It was already getting hot and oh so crowded, so I came back to the condo and sat on the front deck for another two hours reading and writing. True decadence. I cooked a nice supper and went down with a chair to sit on the beach for sunset. I had a lovely conversation with several people and was gifted this photo of myself. I have to tell you this…and I’m not being vain or self-aggrandizing. But, it’s been a long, long time since I felt this beautiful. It was such a peaceful day. The sun was setting. The mist began to settle in on the beach and my skin felt dewy and fresh. I even had a glass of my “merlot”…a dealcoholized wine made by Fré that I really enjoy…as I watched the people strolling up and down the shoreline. Some 40-year-olds tossed a football back and forth. A little 12-year-old girl practiced on her surf board. I sat out till long after dark, watching the stars come out and the moon slowly set. I saw two huge shooting stars overhead and counted my many, many blessings. I had heard there were fireworks scheduled after the concert down at the pavilion by the pier. I saw two or three small ones but it didn’t amount to much. Then I walked up the beach with a flashlight looking for crabs and jellyfish. I saw a few, and also the first seagulls I’ve seen during this trip…only three or four of them. Lots and lots of pelicans, though.

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So that was my day…peaceful, joyful, happy, and oh so grateful!

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“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭37:4‬ ‭NLT‬‬ ❤️

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\n", "date_published": "2017-05-28T01:55:13-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/28/shooting-stars.html", "tags": ["Travel","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","The Grand Adventure","Fun","God","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/23/hallelujah-anyway.html", "title": "Hallelujah Anyway!", "content_html": "

h\"Penny

\n

Anne Lamott wrote a poignant book about blessing whatever comes into your life…good, bad, indifferent. Because it has all come for a purpose, even if that purpose is merely to thank God it isn’t worse. Being grateful in spite of the messiness of life is truly a gift you can give yourself…and others. When you shout “Hallelujah Anyway”, you demonstrate gratitude, forbearance, and joy to those who may look to you for guidance. I love that! I’m going to remember to say “Hallelujah Anyway” when things don’t always go smoothly. I certainly didn’t need to shout it yesterday because I could not have possibly experienced a more beautiful day than I did my first day in Daytona Beach!

\n

I had a lovely sleep-in then fixed my coffee and sat outside watching the waves not 100 steps away. As I counted my blessings, I added a huge thank you to the friend who made this trip happen and the friend that loaned this stunning condo. I changed and went to the beach for a couple of hours. Even though the temperature was up in the eighties, the breeze coming in off the ocean was divine. I went for a long walk down the beach and back. As I was walking under the pier, I was thinking about Ms. Lamott’s book and all the times I’ve been challenged in the last four years and I still managed to say “Hallelujah Anyway!” Just then, I looked down and this penny was right in front of me. Delight surged through me as I picked it up. Well, Hallelujah Anyway!

\n

I came in to clean up and head out for lunch. I ate in a seafood place called Down Under and I’m afraid I was “underwhelmed”. The first couple of hush puppies were wonderful, but the refill was doughy. The cole slaw was marginal. The fries were good, but who needs fries, right? The crab cakes were terribly disappointing. Doughy, undercooked, beige disks that were truly sad. But, lesson learned. Don’t eat at a place under a bridge, right? Oy!

\n

After lunch, I headed to Target to pick up a few groceries. I love Target…much better than Walmart. Clean, well stocked, friendly staff, and a Starbucks…what’s not to love? Afterward, I stopped at the Daytona Speedway and poked around. That place is HUGE. There were the remnants of an RV show in the parking lot so that was fun.

\n

Once the groceries were put away back at the condo, I curled up for a nap to catch up from the long drive. When I got up, I fixed a tray of carrots with French Onion dip, grapes, raspberries, hummus with pretzel chips, hard boiled eggs and dealcoholized Merlot and carried it out to the deck. Just as I finished, the sky opened up and I was presented with a lovely chorus of lightning and thunder! Oh my….this was just the perfect ending to a perfect day. As I write this, I’m curled up in bed in the master suite with the door flung wide, catching the cool sea breeze and listening to the rush of water…both from the rain and the ocean. The sound of tires on wet pavement marks the adventurous souls out in spite of the weather. I can just hear them as they creep along, the rain making it difficult to see the road, their vacation plans only slightly ruffled by a late spring thunderstorm as they mutter, “Hallelujah Anyway! Look where I am!!!” ❤️

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“Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”\n‭‭1 Thessalonians‬ ‭5:16-18‬ ‭NLT‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-05-23T01:55:30-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/23/hallelujah-anyway.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","Positive Energy","The Grand Adventure","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/17/my-resting-place.html", "title": "My Resting Place", "content_html": "\"Peony\"\n

Last week there were two mornings where the temperature hovered just a tad above freezing. I was so happy that my flowers and the cherry trees didn’t get nipped by Old Jack Frost. And just like that, the temps soared up to the 80’s yesterday. When it gets like that, it’s too hot to sit on the front porch after the sun crosses the house and starts its decent over the far ridge. It doesn’t go behind that ridge till just before 7:00, but after that…the porch is my domain again.

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I struggled a little yesterday. Loss encroached into the periphery of my life over the weekend and even though it didn’t affect my inner circle, sometimes other people’s loss stirs my own feelings. I so seldom have a bad day anymore. Really. I can certainly tell when I wake up, which way the winds will blow, and yesterday was a little stormy. Not bad. Not nearly like I’ve had in the past. My grief has always gone out through the pit of my stomach and I have learned to just let it pass. I’ve learned to listen to my body and give myself permission to have a mattress-surfing day. I had my “Emergency Down-Day Kit” at the ready. I rode the wave back into shore and as the house cooled, so did I.

\n

Riding that wave and finding my resting place reminded me of those long, dark early nights of grief when I would have what I referred to as…bad nights. There were nights when the only way I made it through was to visualize sitting at the feet of Jesus, resting my head on his knee, and letting him stroke my hair the way my mother did when I was a child. I knew that I was God’s child, and that my resting place was in that place in my heart where Christ lives. There was a woman who came to sing at the Revival last week. She sang a song she wrote about finding her resting place in Jesus. It is comforting to me when I learn I am not alone in this journey…that there are others who have struggled, who struggle still, and that I’m really ok.

\n

My grief is different now. It’s fleeting. It’s temperate. It’s diffuse. It’s not even filled with Mr. Virgo like it was. It’s more like a cloud of sadness that settles for a little bit then lifts and moves on. If I let myself delve too deep, I could stir up too many things and I’ve learned that doesn’t serve me well. I’ve also learned it doesn’t hurt me to indulge myself in this bit of reverie. It’s a giant emotional yardstick that illustrates how far I’ve come since March 12, 2013. It will always be there. I don’t know what stirred it this time…probably the loss I’ve seen in others lately. Today is a new day…I have tools…I have hope…I have love…I have God. What more could I need? ❤️

\n

““Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.””\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ‭NIV

\n", "date_published": "2017-05-17T01:55:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/17/my-resting-place.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/15/the-well-worn-bible.html", "title": "The Well Worn Bible", "content_html": "\"Hand\n

Last night was the eighth and final, night of the Revival at the little white church on the hill. I missed two nights but was happy I got to attend last night.

\n

Pastor Matt sent us out with renewed faith and refreshed spirits. We often reach places in our faith where we sleepwalk and just go through the motions. The purpose of Revival is to wake us up, to learn, and to get a fire in our bellies. Mission accomplished. So many little churches are withering up because the elders are dying off and the young people aren’t attracted by the dryness that is so often the hallmark of the services.

\n

When you get fired up and you step into the Light…that darkness will do whatever it takes to bring you down. I’ve seen it happen in my own life too many times to doubt the validity. True to form..in the span of five hours I was slapped hard in three different directions. I won’t go into details because they aren’t my stories to tell, but there was evil and darkness attached to two of them, as plain as day. The third was a friend suffering an injury in an accident. I don’t back down. I won’t be scared back into the shadows. I stand strong.

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I am comforted by the picture above. A woman who attended the Revival was walking out last night when I caught a glimpse of her well worn Bible. I called her back and snapped this picture. This is the book that brings this woman the most comfort. This book is written with living words. You can read a verse a hundred times and it takes on a different meaning each time. I’ve learned a lot this week. I’ve opened up a lot, felt a lot, laughed a lot, cried a lot. I’ve been healed and set free of bonds that wore me down. I shared my story with others. I woke up. May I never go to sleep again. ❤️

\n

“You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”\n‭‭I John‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-05-15T01:55:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/15/the-well-worn-bible.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/14/the-fruit-of-the-vine.html", "title": "The Fruit of the Vine", "content_html": "\"Grapes\n

I went to my home church last night. You all are going to think that’s all I do. It isn’t…but this was Revival week so every night but Friday night has been spent in church so that’s what you get with your morning coffee. My home church is wonderful. It meets in a warehouse. It started out just two short years ago with 127 people. Now we regularly serve over 1300 people in three services every weekend. 1259 Salvations. 226 Baptisms. 2556 VIP’s (new attendees who fill out a visitor card). They have a great Praise Team and the pastors are a husband and wife team who do a wonderful job. Because the Sunday services are standing room only, the pastor asked for volunteers to come to the Saturday night services to give the new people a chance to come in and find a seat. Isn’t that a wonderful “problem” to have? We are in the process of buying a huge warehouse so we can have a seating capacity of 1300 per service. I love it!

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Last night, in honor of Mother’s Day, the pastor’s wife gave the sermon. She delivered a great message and talked about the Fruit of the Spirit…love, joy, peace, forbearance (patience), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. When we receive the Holy Spirit, we need to nurture these fruit as the attributes of a Christian. We all can use practice in these areas. I’m willing to bet, forbearance and self-control will be the highest on most people’s list. We are a self-indulgent people and patience is a virtue that is not easily attained in today’s world. With any fruit-bearing vine, good care is needed to produce the best fruit. A barren vine needs to be pruned in order for the plant to produce it’s best. Sometimes we have to lop off those unproductive parts of ourselves…those things in our lives that do not serve us and actually do harm. Pruning these things away is difficult and oftentimes downright painful. But, we will be the better for it.

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Tonight I go back for the last night of Revival. Can’t wait to give you the report tomorrow! Happy Mother’s Day…and on behalf of your moms, give us a call today. If she’s gone…my heart is with you. It’s so hard to lose your mother. You’ll never regret being good to your mom! ❤️

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“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control…”\n‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:22-23‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-05-14T01:55:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/14/the-fruit-of-the-vine.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Positive Energy","God","Holiday","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/13/caught-in-a-trap.html", "title": "Caught in a Trap", "content_html": "\"Wasp\n

This has turned out to be a really intense and power-filled week for me. I have been attending an old-time Gospel, Spirit-filled Revival this week at the little white church on the hill and I’m telling you what…it’s been both exhilarating and exhausting. I don’t even feel like myself. I’m sure you’ve noticed my fired-up posts this week. I don’t usually go all preachy like that, but I’ve been just feeling so inspired all week and I’ve learned to listen. With that in mind, today’s post is toned down a bit but still faith-based, as all my essays are. I noticed my numbers dropped off a little after yesterday’s post. I know…not everyone wants to have religion with their coffee. I get that. There will be plenty of travel stories and farm stories and memories to share down the road. This is Revival week, and since I write about what I’m experiencing every day, this is what you get this week.

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I went out for my morning walkabout yesterday. Out of nowhere, Boy Cat made a beeline for me and started rubbing all over my legs. He has never, ever done that (see the video from yesterday) and he tagged along with me for most of my walk. I took a bunch of pictures of all the wildflowers that are currently blooming. I walked down the road to visit a neighbor. As I was strolling along, I noticed this wasp trap hanging in a tree. If you look inside the trap, there…hanging at the top…is a wasp on a nest. Inside the trap. It reminded me of something young Pastor Matt preached about this week. God v. Satan, Light v. Dark, Good v. Evil…whatever you call it, light banishes darkness, not the other way around. I know in my journey, I ran as far away from a relationship with Jesus as I possibly could. For some reason, God was ok…but Jesus scared me. Probably because of that hellfire and brimstone preacher of my youth. I mean, I felt Jesus knocking at the door of my heart…politely waiting to be invited in. But, I would get so anxious and worked up about it, I could only go in the other direction to avoid the whole thing. Little did I know at the time, surrender would have been the ticket to freedom from all that.

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As my journey took me further and further away from God, I became more and more blind, more and more deceived by the darkness. Once I got so far out to sea and turned around to look for my saving Grace, I realized how far from shore I really was. I was in a trap of my own making…believing the lies, living my life, building my nest there…much like this unsuspecting wasp is. Living in that trap wasn’t all that bad on the surface. I had a nice house. I had a new car every couple of years. I had an essentially unmonitored bank account. On the surface, I had everything. But on the inside, I was a barren wasteland. I was living in the Sahara Desert with no water…no food…no spiritual sustenance. The Darkness can lure you in with comforts then it closes the door and locks it and you can never get out. I am blessed to have found my way back before It was too late.

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The path I’m walking hasn’t been one I’d necessarily have chosen for myself. I never wanted to be a widow. I gave up a lot to get to where I am. Aside from Mr. Virgo’s death, I wouldn’t change a thing because I’m in a good space right now. I’m not living in a trap anymore. I have shed the chains that bound me. And I’m living free…standing on the promises of God.

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I missed Revival last night and will again tonight because of a prior  commitment. I’ll go back Sunday night for the grand finale, though. I’m going to my church with a friend tonight to avoid the Sunday crowds and then out for dinner to celebrate Mother’s Day early. It’s still cool and cloudy and raining here. May is like that. I hope you have a grand start to your weekend, dear ones! ❤️

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“The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭145:18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-05-13T01:55:58-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/13/caught-in-a-trap.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/12/stepping-out-in-faith.html", "title": "Stepping Out in Faith", "content_html": "\"Laying\n

This is a clip from Night 3 of the Revival I have been attending. I thought I would share it with you in case you are interested. Pastor Matt preaches in much the same style as the circuit preacher who, quite literally, scared the pee out of me when I was seven years old, sitting in this very church. My 64-year-old eyes can see past the style and dogmatic differences now to see the same love behind the delivery. That circuit preacher of old sent me fleeing in the opposite direction of the church and I spent the better part of my adulthood feeling like something huge was missing in my life. It wasn’t until my mom died that I began to explore a relationship with God like I had never known. More specifically, I had always loved God. It was this Jesus guy that I was afraid of. I was led on a spiritual quest with so many supernatural twists and turns that I finally had no other alternative left but to believe. Interestingly, that was what my grandma told me when I asked her, after the scary preacher incident, “How do you KNOW Jesus walked on water?” At the time, her answer, “You just have to believe” made absolutely no sense to me. Eventually, it did. I almost died before I got there. Thank God, I did not.

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I began this walk of faith when my mom died in 2004. I stood at her casket and wondered where she went. Where did Grandma and Pop-Pop and Uncle Sonny go? The thoughts of never seeing them again was too much to bear so I went on a spiritual journey. I asked God to bring me the people to pray for me. I asked him to bring me the materials I needed to read. I read the New Testament for the first time in my life. I walked into the local Christian bookstore looking all the world like the Unibomber in my hoodie and sunglasses, trying not to be conspicuous as one of the Jewish pillars in our small mountain town. I grabbed the first book I found, paid for it, and hurried back to my car. It was Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life. You can’t get much more fundamental than that. I started reading.

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Shortly after Mom’s funeral, I returned to Colorado. My brother wanted to come live near me. He has cerebral palsy and there is a wonderful program in the small town where I lived. They assist and support people with developmental disabilities to live as independent a life as possible. I went to them to sign my brother up. Imagine my dismay when they told me there was a ten year waiting list for residential services. I told God if it was his will that I care for my brother, I certainly would. But here was this amazing program that could give him a life. I asked him to open doors and pave the way for my brother to be accepted into this life-giving program. Three days later…THREE DAYS…I got a call from the people in Colorado. They had received emergency funding for my brother, there was a rare opening, and they had called everyone on the waiting list. No one could move in by the end of the month. If I could have him there, the spot was his. I got off the phone, looked up, and said, “Ok. NOW you’ve got my attention!” My quest was cranked up several notches.

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A Purpose Driven Life is a 40-day read. Mom had promised my brother a trip to Florida so we headed to Colorado via Disney World. On about Day 21 of my reading, we were near Jacksonville in a hotel. I opened the curtains that morning and saw the great expanse of ocean and the long, sandy beach. It suddenly struck me…I truly was nothing more than one of those grains of sand in the grand scheme of things. I felt something come over me, and I was suddenly so tired. Tired of flying a kite but hanging onto the tail for dear life. Tired of always searching for something to fill that hole in my heart. Tired of aching for something I did not know and could not find. So…I gave in. I gave up control…or the idea of having had it in the first place. I surrendered and asked Jesus into my life. If you have been raised in faith, you may never have felt what happens in a moment like that. I literally felt every cell in my body be made new. It was the most remarkable experience of my life. When you make a bold step into the Light, the darkness wakes up and takes notice and starts trying to chase you down. It whispers darkness in your ear and tries to steal your joy. Blow after blow, I suffered one thing after another, till I learned my power over the situation. The key to claiming your power is stepping out in faith. And that’s what I’m doing here.

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On the night this video clip was filmed, I was anointed by Pastor Matt and he prayed over me. This blog has become my ministry…my way of walking the talk. He prayed that the doors be opened, the path be made straight and smooth, and that God would continue to bring me the words to say and the people who need to hear them. If I have gained anything from this Revival, it is to be BOLD. So I am stepping out in faith. I have always feared that to do so would drive you all away. I have recently realized, I have little to no control over the number of people who read my writing. God delivered a literary agent a year and a half ago. She is excited about my writing, about my story, and about the work I do here. But in the black and white world of publishing, numbers mean everything. If you do not have a large social media platform, you do not get noticed and you are likely never going to sell your book. I truly believe this is what I am supposed to be doing. I truly believe this is what I was placed here on earth to do…to write, to share, to speak. To support those who suffer grief, pain, and loss. To bring hope into the world. In my boldness, I am claiming that even as you are reading these words, the Holy Spirit is moving amongst you all. That somewhere, someone is going to read this and say, “We need more of this. We want more of your writing.” I believe it and I have the audacity to trust it as truth.

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When I was called two and a half years ago to place a Scripture at the bottom of each post, I promised you I would never get preachy. I’ll never tell you my way is better than your way. I’ll never tell you you’ll go to hell if you don’t do what I’m doing. My ministry is to spread love and light and peace and hope and joy into the world. Lord knows, we need as much of that as we can get. If I have ever touched your heart…if you have ever felt anything stir in you…if you have ever thought of someone specific when you read my posts…if you have ever felt lifted by my words, please share them on any social media platforms you may have access to. Someone out there knows someone who knows someone who can help me boost these numbers. I am available to speak at conferences, meetings, churches, civic groups…anywhere that might need an uplifting word. I can write guest posts on other blogs. I can write articles for magazines. I can write columns in newspapers and newsletters. I write. I tell stories. This is what I have to give the world. I know it will come in God’s time…not mine.

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And…that, my friends, is about as preachy as I will ever get with you all. I am so grateful you are here. I am so grateful I have a God that loves me. I thank him for all he has done for me and I praise him. This has been an interesting and surprising week for me. I appreciate your indulgence as I share the experience. ❤️

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“Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭51:10-12‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

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https://www.facebook.com/PastorMatt777/videos/774277599449864/

\n", "date_published": "2017-05-12T01:55:40-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/12/stepping-out-in-faith.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","West Virginia","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/11/weeding-my-garden.html", "title": "Weeding My Garden", "content_html": "\"Two\n

Well, I went to Revival again last night. I do not believe I have ever in my life felt the energy in that little church that I have felt this week. I’m talking fire. Whew! You do come away with a spring in your step after a big dose of the toe-tappin’ spirit. I tried to imagine my Grandma and Pop-Pop, my mom, Aunt Idy, Uncle Red, Aunt Myrt…sitting in their seats, listening. They were all so…reserved. Let me tell you…these beautiful people were anything but reserved.

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Pastor Matthew opens with song and prayer, then invites anyone who would like to speak to please do so. Last night, a lovely couple were there and the gentleman rose to say something. He’s a hobby farmer. He raises cattle so he can see them, not eat them. He names them. His first cow he called “Blessings”. Two more came along and he named them “Shirley Goodness” and “Mercy”. There are more…all named with Biblical phrases. And, when he goes out to call in his cows, neighbors from far and wide hear him calling…“Surely Goodness and Mercy, Blessings” and so forth. It is his form of testimony within earshot of his neighbors.

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The man’s wife then stood to talk about her land. She helps her husband outside as she can. There is some Floribunda growing out in the pasture. It’s a kind of wild rose…its brambles used as a hedge row instead of fencing. It seemed like a good idea to our forefathers to plant such a thing, but they didn’t realize it would soon take over. And, it’s not good for anything…the cows can’t eat it. Something so seemingly innocent ended up needing to be rooted out. The wise woman with her gentle demeanor and her long silver hair reminded us that there are things we let into our lives…things that didn’t seem like such a bad idea till they turned into a pasture full of briars. Then you have to start plucking it out and getting rid of it. Once bad things get a foothold, it isn’t long till you have a mess in your life.

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I distinctly remember a particular day in my life when I made an unsavory life choice. That still small voice told me, “Don’t do this. You do this and nothing will ever be the same.” Oh, we’re a stubborn people, aren’t we? “You can handle it.” “It’s just this once.” “Nobody will know.” Lies. Lies whispered into our lives. Light and Dark. Up and Down. Good and Evil. It’s a balancing act. It’s a constant battle. I fall down sometimes. I wimp out because it’s not always easy. If there’s anything I’ve learned this week in the most unlikely of places for me to be, it’s this…I have far more strength and power than I ever dreamed of. We all have access to that power. It’s a gift. For me, that gift is the Holy Spirit and I’m grateful to have had this experience this week. It’s been empowering. ❤️

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“Come and hear, all you who fear God, And I will declare what He has done for my soul.”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭66:16‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-05-11T01:55:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/11/weeding-my-garden.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/10/busy-as-a-bee.html", "title": "Busy as a Bee", "content_html": "\"Carpenter\n

Yesterday was a mowing marathon. I no sooner finished till the rains came. I barely finished before it was time to head to church again. Revival. Who knew I’d enjoy it so much. I have to say, I truly have never experienced anything quite like this. Last night’s sermon was about the Holy Ghost. I never really understood the Holy Spirit till just the last few years. There’s a contingent of women attending this Revival who have a more Pentecostal background and I mean to tell ya, it got downright lively last night. I felt exhilarated when I came out of there.

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As I was mowing yesterday, I was mulling over the events of the past couple of years. I’ve suffered from anxiety issues for much of my life. I remember my first panic attack in second grade. I was thinking while I mowed about the anointing I had the first night of the Revival and I wondered if I could have Pastor Matt pray over me about those anxieties. Then I just had this really clear vision that I have the power to keep that at bay by simply speaking it into truth. I have experienced the dark come at me when I step strongly into the Light. I turned and looked around me and made a decision. I walked the boundary of the yard and declared my borders. I declared out loud that no evil thing can cross this boundary. I turned to the house and raised my hands and asked God to bless this house and all who enter…their coming and their going. I must have looked like a crazy woman standing out there in the yard, hands up, talking out loud. But, you know what? I didn’t care! I’m tired of those dark things chasing me and nipping at my heels. So, I rebuked them. And it felt good. I felt so peaceful afterwards.

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Then I finished mowing.

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I discovered something very cool at Lowe’s the other day. Wood borer bee traps. And, they work! I have one on the front porch. I put it up after I filled the borer bee hole with silicone caulk. I have another for the back porch. In the meantime, I had to prepare my notes for today. I’m being interviewed for another podcast episode on Janine Pettit’s show…Girl Camper. We’re going to be talking about camping in Colorado. I’ll let you know when it goes live. In the meantime, Happy Wednesday! ❤️

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“Then Jesus said to him, “Away with you, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the LORD your God, and Him only you shall serve.’ ””\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭4:10‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-05-10T01:55:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/10/busy-as-a-bee.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","West Virginia","The Farm","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/05/01/gods-armor.html", "title": "God's Armor", "content_html": "

\"FallenComing home late at night means you don’t get to survey the grounds till morning. And, since the next morning was yesterday and I wanted to go to church, I didn’t get a chance to look around till afternoon. As I pulled up the driveway, I could see the top of this tree peeking around the end of the barn. There was a heavy storm here Friday night and it broke this dead tree off about four feet from the bottom and it came down right between the barn and the old pigpen. As you can see, somewhere along the line, some old furniture got dumped up behind the barn. And I put the straw bales from the kitties’ winter home up there after the thaw. Now I have a tree to cut up. It’s never a dull moment here on the farm.

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The grass grew a good 6-8" while I was gone and we are due to have thunderstorms the next couple of days so I mowed late yesterday afternoon…in 94° heat! This after I walked an hour and climbed the Quincy Hill Steps three times. I packed my sports bra with ice packs, drank a liter of Powerade and went for it. I should have raised the mower a bit because now there are clumps of grass everywhere. Sigh.

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The big excitement was driving home yesterday. I was coming around a curve when a guy flashed his lights at me so I slowed down. Up ahead, a state trooper was pulling people over. Everyone. I was confused and pull off the edge of the road when he drove down the line of cars yelling, “Get off on the grass! There’s a high speed pursuit coming!” I no sooner pulled into these people’s yard till an older model pickup came screaming around the curve up ahead with two state troopers in full on pursuit. The trooper who pulled us over swung around and joined in. I found out later it was a stolen truck and the guy had an outstanding warrant. He ran into a ditch and thankfully no one received serious injuries.

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Like I said, never a dull moment in my life. And, God was watching over me, yet again. Giving praise where praise is due. ❤️

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“Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.”\n‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6:11‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-05-01T01:55:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/05/01/gods-armor.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","God","Uncategorized"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/04/29/life-is-a-beautiful-thing.html", "title": "Life is a Beautiful Thing", "content_html": "\"Woman\n

Life is about choices. Every day we are faced with the choice to rise up and grab life by the tail and wring every ounce of, what…joy, love, happiness, laughter, beauty, energy, excitement, sweetness? All that and more await us every day. Even if you struggle with depression, anxiety, grief, sadness, fear, loss….there is room for choices in your life.

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Two weeks after Mr. Virgo died, I had a choice to make. I could die, metaphorically. Or I could live…really live. With joy and abundance. It was not easy. Especially early on. But I made every day count. I looked for joyful things to put in front of me to make life bearable. I surprised myself with joy. And, the more times I chose joy, the lighter my load became. It wasn’t overnight by any stretch of the imagination. But bit by bit, every positive choice helped bring me up from the abyss into the light.

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Travel has been one of the joys that has helped me the most in my grief. Whether alone or with a friend or group of friends, seeing new places, challenging myself in different situations, and finding new parts of myself has been an amazing journey of growth and self-discovery. This trip has been no exception. I am very grateful I got to tag along with a friend in a gifted week at a timeshare. It was a lot of fun as well as relaxing.

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Choices. Choose life. Choose joy. Choose laughter. Choose gratitude. I know. It’s not easy. Even in my darkest days of grief, I could surprise myself with joy…if even for just a moment. Moments build and time changes things. Whoever said time heals all wounds lied. It doesn’t. But you can build strong scars that show how hard you loved..how hard you fought. Just keep making positive choices. ❤️

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“You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭16:11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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\n", "date_published": "2017-04-29T01:55:01-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/04/29/life-is-a-beautiful-thing.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","The Grand Adventure","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/04/28/life-in-the-margins.html", "title": "Life in the Margins", "content_html": "\"Four\n

This picture was taken the year before I was born. Four of my cousins gathered for their “stair step” photo in front of my aunt’s house, documenting their growth from year to year. I chose this picture as an example of the photos of our youth. The pictures had margins. Within the margin was the date the photo was developed. Grandma could write names and places in the margin so we could remember who was there and where we were. A lot of information was held in that margin. It was a breathing space between then and now.

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Somewhere along the line, we lost the margin in our photos. The image was pushed to the edge and there was no room to identify, date, document what was happening. It was just gone. We lost something when we lost the margins. We lost space and time. Not only in our photos, but in our lives. While modern conveniences may have added hours to our days…how much life was actually added? What did we fill our margins with? TV? Food? Busyness?

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I don’t know about you, but I’m looking for more margins these days. As I sat on the beach yesterday, watching surfers, fishermen, shell hunters, and sunbathers I thought about all the times I could have put more margins in my life. More space and time for others. More space and time for me. I contemplate what I had to give up to get to be here…toes in the sand, sun on my face, the sound of the surf pounding on the shore. I gave up a bunch of stuff that I didn’t care about anymore. I gave up buying designer clothes and umpteen pairs of shoes I didn’t need. I gave up house payments and big utility bills. I gave up expensive meals out. I sacrificed some time with my family that I try so hard to make up for when I go back for visits.

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I gained space. Peace. Freedom. Time. Love. Joy. Kindness. A relationship with God. A home church. I gained stillness…a margin of space within which I can think my thoughts and write them down. I’ve regained the margin around the picture of my life and that is worth much more to me than furniture and an address or a fancy car. I’ll take my margin any day of the week. ❤️

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“Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭62:1-2‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-04-28T01:55:28-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/04/28/life-in-the-margins.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/04/27/god-moments.html", "title": "God Moments", "content_html": "\"Sunset\n

Yesterday dawned dark and grey again. Every day I’ve been here has been cloudy for the biggest portion of the day with tons of rain. Have I let it get in the way of enjoying myself? Heck no! It’s actually put me in just the right places at just the right times. After breakfast, I headed to the north end of the island to visit the Currituck Lighthouse. I was amazed when I got there and saw a man dangling from the tippy top. He was bolting down cables wrapped around the top of the lighthouse to secure it for another hundred years. I thought maybe they were not allowing visitors in but that wasn’t the case. While the other two lighthouses were $4 and $5, the Currituck is $10. I did not see National Parks people there so I assume it is not a government facility.

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When I got to the top, there was a couple there. I struck up a conversation with the woman. She is an artist camping in the area. She showed me some pictures of her plein air work and she is really quite good! (Her card is in the truck so I’ll have to share her work later.) I shared my blog. We are both faith based and we offered each other loving encouragement standing right there at the top of 222 stairs under cloudy skies. We marveled at our God’s goodness and how He moves in our lives…and the sun broke through the clouds. What a wonderful confirmation!

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We could see a large yellow house from the top of the lighthouse. My next stop was a tour of this home…Whalehead. A gentleman’s wife was was not allowed to participate in any of the hunt clubs in New England because she was a woman. Her forward thinking husband bought a large track of land and built his wife her own hunting lodge so she could do whatever she wanted. It was a lovely home and offered alotofinsight into the history of duck hunting in the area.

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After the tour, hunger got the better of me and I went in search of great seafood. Fresh blue point oysters on the half shell were divine. Fish tacos were good. Not quite the same at the day before. After browsing through a few shops and remembering I need nothing, I drove back to the condo, changed, and hit the beach. The tide was coming in and I kept pulling further and further back. As I prepared to leave, there were a few people standing at the top of the stairs chatting. I detected a subtle hint of a British accent in the woman. When I asked where she was from, she said Newbury/Thatcham area in England. I about fell over! That’s where I lived in 1973 and 1974! We chatted for a long time and compared notes. It was so exciting. I’ve run into people from England, sure. But never from the small village in which I lived. What a treat!

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Finally, I noticed the tinge of gold on the clouds and realized I was about to see my first sunset of the week. I went across the main road to the restaurant and walked out on their back deck in time to catch…this. It almost made me cry, it was so beautiful. It was a day full of God winks and angel kisses. There are no coincidences. I felt so blessed and loved and full of light when I finally strolled back to the condo at day’s end. These are the days that bring me good sleep…the sound sleep of a day well lived. ❤️

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“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”\n‭‭James‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-04-27T01:55:03-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/04/27/god-moments.html", "tags": ["Travel","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","The Grand Adventure","God","Peaceful Moments"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/04/19/lord-take-me-home-in.html", "title": "Lord, Take Me Home in the Springtime", "content_html": "\"Cherry\n

I hated burying my mom on the coldest day of the year. It was late January and while the sky was blue, there was a bitter wind blowing on that hilltop. My Aunt Rosie and I were the only ones at the cemetery. It was just too cold for any kind of formal gathering. I could not let them put her in the ground alone though. So, I stood with a borrowed coat wrapped tight beneath my chin, shivering in the thin, January light.

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In contrast, Mr. Virgo died in the middle of March, which is a lot different in Colorado than it is here in West Virginia. Still, the day we laid him to rest, the sun was shining and it was warm enough for a light jacket. It’s funny the way your brain works when your beloved dies. I distinctly remember thinking if he had to die, at least he died in the spring when the earth was coming back to life. I didn’t have to lay him in the frozen ground. And I didn’t have to go into my grief and compound it with seasonal affective disorder. These are the things I think about while I’m driving.

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A couple of nights ago, I slept out back in TOW-Wanda. While it was wonderful to be in the camper, it stormed all night long and the only thing I could think of was that huge, old cherry tree just outside the camper. Just like the message about the rockslide a couple weeks ago, I kept getting this feeling like I had to get TOW-Wanda out of there. I need to get this tree taken out before it falls on anything…or anyone…and they can’t get any equipment back up in there with my camper parked in the driveway. I have friends who have offered to let me park TOW-Wanda at their place, but I don’t want to impose, or ruin their grass, or disturb them with coming and going as I want to camp this spring and early summer. I found a place where I can store her securely and anytime I want to take her out to camp, they’ll pull her out for me and all I have to do is hook her up and go. Then, I drop her off, and they take her around back to park her. All for $35 a month. Perfect!

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I decided I needed to get this done yesterday as we are supposed to get severe storms the next few days and I’m running out of time before I leave for the beach. Getting this huge trailer in and out of this long, narrow driveway is tricky. One of the biggest obstacles is the electric lines going up to the top of the cellar house. They hang low over the driveway. In the past, I’ve had someone hold them up with a broom while I backed under them. I didn’t have any helper yesterday and being the EVER resourceful woman that I am, I had to figure out how to do it myself. I took a long 1x2 that I found in the cellar, taped a walking stick to it, then taped the broom handle to that and…voila! It worked like a charm! The electric line nestled in the bristles of the broom and stayed right where I put it.

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Now, backing up out of the driveway was interesting. I got down to the road but I was worried about hitting the pole on the other side of the driveway. It’s a pretty busy road for being so far out in the country and the only thing I could do was slowly back out onto the blacktop. I was almost all the way out when a guy in a pickup stopped and guided me those last few feet. Easy peasy! The new truck towed fine…just doesn’t have the torque like the old one had, which I expected.

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I needed to get back to mow. As I drove through the hills, I rolled down the windows and the smell of the honeysuckle, lilac, dogwood, redbud, apple, peach, apricot, pear, and crabapple trees was so incredibly sweet. It was then that I sent up my plea to God. “When it is my time to go, please take me in the springtime so my last day will be filled with beauty such as this perfect West Virginia day.” That is all I ask. ❤️

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“yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that."”\n‭‭James‬ ‭4:14-15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-04-19T01:55:43-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/04/19/lord-take-me-home-in.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","TOW-Wanda!","West Virginia","The Farm","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/04/14/happy-easter.html", "title": "Happy Easter", "content_html": "\"Violets\"\n

I could never understand why today would be called “Good Friday” and not “Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Friday”. After all, today is the day Jesus died on the cross. The images Hollywood has created are mild compared to what really happened that day on that hilltop. There are places in Europe that call this “Sorrowful Friday”. That is appropriate. And some people think the English “Good” evolved from “God’s Friday”. Whatever the origins, it wasn’t until the last few years when my faith was challenged and ultimately deepened that I understood why the death of Jesus was good. It fulfilled prophecy. It saved souls.

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Passover is observed this week, as well. Before I became a Christian in 2004, I had lived a Jewish life for 27 years. I love the Passover Seder. The traditional foods, the story of the Passover. I can still hear my late father-in-law as he breezed through the Haggadah every year, picking and choosing what he would read, what he could leave out. Those were wonderful memories and we all miss him. The first Seder had to have been bittersweet to my kids and grandkids observing without their Pop.

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I am going to take a three day break in observance of the holidays. I wish you the very best holiday, whichever you observe. And if you don’t observe, I wish you love and light. I’ll be back Monday! ❤️

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“For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures,”\n‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭15:3-4‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-04-14T01:55:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/04/14/happy-easter.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","God","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/04/01/happy-happy-happy.html", "title": "Happy! Happy! Happy!", "content_html": "\"Snoopy\n

Four days. Four full days. That’s what it took to get that old laptop of mine to do what I wanted to do. Last year it only too two days. Of course, I didn’t actually DELETE my account last year. When I went to bed Thursday night, I said a prayer. “God…I’m going to get some much needed sleep here. Can you work in my head and help me figure this out?” I got up yesterday morning and made coffee then sat down in front of that dreaded instrument and said, “OK. Today it’s you or me!!!” Suddenly a screen popped up and said, “Your antivirus protection is out of date!” In small print it listed the things this could cause including…making your computer run slow. Seriously? Seriously?!?!

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I lacked confidence in the last virus protection I used so I purchased and downloaded Avast. It always worked really well for me. When I ran my first scan, there was a bunch of stuff on there that was wreaking havoc. This program is cool because it just fixes everything at the touch of a button. Once I ran two scans and cleaned till there wasn’t anything else to fix, I booted up Quicken and…OMGosh! It was fixed!!! The computer runs like a new one again! I got everything downloaded, entered, and backed up on two locations. Now I can work on my taxes next week. Thank you for the pop up, God! It worked!

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Even in the littlest things…the everyday frustrations…you can plea to God for help. My stepmother used to say “Thank you, Lord” every time she found a parking space. There are dark forces in the work that want to regain balance when we tip too far to the light. Last weekend, my light was shining like the Northern Star. Monday morning I got attacked with all this computer stuff. I actually stood up on the second day and said out loud, “Greater is He who lives in me than he who lives in the world so you just get on out of here! I’ll show you!” I love a sweet Victory and a happy ending! ❤️

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“Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”\n‭‭1 John‬ ‭4:4‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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PS…Guess what yesterday was? National Backup Day?

\n", "date_published": "2017-04-01T01:55:32-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/04/01/happy-happy-happy.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/31/feel-the-rain.html", "title": "Feel the Rain", "content_html": "\"Rain\n

As I sit here writing this, Norah Jones softly crooning in the background, coffee by my side, I can hear the rumble of thunder in the distance. Another band of storms are about to pass through…the third today. A pair of mourning doves are foraging around beneath the feeders, unfazed by the approaching rain. Finches cling to the thistle socks hanging on shepherd’s hooks and the bright red flash of a cardinal swooping in catches my eye and makes me smile. They say cardinals are an indicator that angels are near. If that is true, the angels visit often because the cardinals are always here.

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The sun breaks through the clouds between showers, warming the earth with its golden rays to a downright acceptable 70°. This makes my heart happy. There’s a load of sheets in the wash. Maybe I’ll hang them on the porch to gather the freshness of this glorious spring day to be relished as I gather them about me when I sleep tonight. There are ways of preserving sunshine…fresh linens is one of them.

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I heard from a dear friend yesterday. There is a health concern and I sat in my rocker by the window…praying and contemplating how many are facing illness and injury in their lives right now. I was acutely aware of things like that in the immediacy of acute grief. My own experience made me sensitive and I felt everyone’s pain…deeply. I won’t say that feeling ever went away entirely, but life has a way of diverting your attention. You can’t live the rest of your life on the edge of your seat…Damocles’s Sword hanging above you. Somehow I became a little tougher, a little harder of a shell around my heart for self-preservation. My car accident in February broke through that little fence I built around my head…literally and figuratively.

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It seems in the last month there has been more and more loss, more and more bad news, more and more worry. Ahhh, but this is the nature of life, is it not? Things go along quite smoothly and we forget what the rough stuff feels like. Not entirely, of course. Never entirely. After all…there are scars when you walk through fire. I will stand by my friend and walk along on this path of uncertainty and do my best to provide reassurance and support. That is what friends do. Some have credited Roger Miller as saying “Some people feel the rain; others just get wet.” If I’m going to live this life…really live it…I want to FEEL the rain. It is the only way I know I’m truly alive. ❤️

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“And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven.”\n‭‭James‬ ‭5:15‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-03-31T01:55:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/31/feel-the-rain.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Hope","Positive Energy","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/29/from-out-of-the-blue.html", "title": "From Out of the Blue", "content_html": "\"Sister\n

I had a list a mile long of things to do yesterday. It was my errand day…chiropractor, breakfast with a friend, a two hour pamper-me session at the spa, a two mile walk with a salad at the end, again with a friend. In there somewhere I stocked up on cat and bird food at Rural King. Oh, and I bought a gallon of milk on the way home. Hey, I didn’t say it was going to be a stressful day!

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On the way into town, my mind wandered as it always does when I drive. I do my best thinking while driving. I was thinking about the computer issues I had Monday and then I thought of backing up files which took me to my iPhone and how I still have pictures on there to clear out. That thought took me to all those photos that used to be on my phone and somehow they disappeared into the Cloud. One such photo was Mr. Virgo in his casket.

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Bam!

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Damn. I hadn’t thought of that photo in a long time. I haven’t seen it since it mysteriously vanished off my phone maybe two and a half years ago. But I know that photo. I can see it in my mind’s eye. My handsome man, lying still, in repose…his profile strong and familiar, his glasses missing somewhere in the chaos of CPR. I don’t let my mind go there very often. It doesn’t serve me well. At one time it did. There was a time when the only way I could get the tears out was to look at that picture. It was very handy for facilitating my grief. I don’t need that anymore. Still, there it was…like I was actually seeing it. Almost at the same instant, I came around a curve and I could almost hear him say, “Be careful of the rocks.” I felt it rather than heard it. It was weird. There were no rocks and before long, I let the image drift away and went on to other musings.

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I picked up the mail and noticed a paper from the insurance company regarding a payment for my ER visit after the wreck. There was a diagnosis I had never seen before. Atherosclerotic Cardiovascular Disease. It meant there was plaque in an artery somewhere and it was picked up on one of the scans. The last time I saw that was Mr. Virgo’s chest x-ray back in 2008 when he wrecked the ATV. The doctor made it a point to tell us there was lots of calcification. He didn’t mention it could kill him via a heart attack or stroke. Which it did five years later. When I saw the diagnosis, I went straight to the hospital and got my records from the ER visit. I breathed a sigh of relief when I read “very slight calcification in the ascending aorta.” There are varying degrees of calcification. Very slight is not unusual for someone my age with a history of high cholesterol, which I keep well controlled. Good…I let that one go.

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In my mail was a little brown envelope with a name and return address I did not recognize. When I opened it, here was this sweet little necklace from a fellow Sister on the Fly. No reason. No event. Just, “Hi! I was thinking about you today. Hope you have a great day!” That is why I love this organization. There’s a lot of love between Sisters, whether you know them or not. Made my day!

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The massage was divine and exactly what I needed after the stressful day I had with the computer on Monday. A good brisk walk around the park and a salad down by the river with stimulating conversation was a great way to end the day. As I headed back home, it was just getting dark. I was nearing the spot where I felt the warning about the rocks when an oncoming car flashed his lights. I came around the curve and there, in the middle of the road…was a rockslide! The hair stood up on the back of my neck. And I thanked God and Mr. Virgo and my Guardian Angels for looking out for me.

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A warning, a diagnosis, a gift, a miracle. You do not know what your day will bring you. Open your mind and your heart and listen. We don’t listen enough. We go about our busy lives with our heads down and our noses to the grindstone. Stop and listen. Pay attention. And try obeying, even if it seems silly. You never know what is going to come at you…from out of the blue. ❤️

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“Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”\n‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-03-29T01:55:39-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/29/from-out-of-the-blue.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/26/hiking-the-farm.html", "title": "Hiking the Farm", "content_html": "

 

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\"Farm Processed with Snapseed.

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Yesterday was glorious! Seventy-some degrees, intermittent clouds, gently breeze. I got my exercise by hiking up the hill to the back property line of the farm. There are seventy-four acres here to explore. It was gorgeous. I went to the old home place. The only thing left is the ruins of the old cellar house. I found a couple of old bottles and picked off some pieces of barn wood. It’s so fragile, you could almost crumble it in your hands. There were scraps of old leather boots and a chunk of glazed pottery from an old crock. The frogs were calling and the puddles were filled with tadpoles. As I came down the ridge below, I heard a racket back up at the strawberry barn and there were four or five huge buzzards coming in to roost for the night on the tin roof. On down the hill, I heard the call of the barred own I hear by the house occasionally. I made note of where the black raspberry patch is.

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The yard was filled with dead limbs from the tree by the road so it took some time to get those hauled over to the brush pile. The peonies are up about a foot. The daffodils are in full bloom. There is a huge shrub in all the tangle by the creek that has exploded with deep coral pink blossoms. The rhododendron and boxwood by the drive are very healthy looking. Once the work and hike were done, I cooked up a huge batch of salmon cakes and steamed broccoli. After supper, I boxed up the leftovers and delivered them around to neighbors…something I’ve been wanting to do since I got here in August.

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Yesterday was one of those days that makes you feel like you just got let out of jail. It was beautiful and liberating and I could finally breathe!

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Ahhhh…the freedom of spring! ❤️

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“And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.”\n‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭13:16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

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#share, #blessed, #abundance

", "date_published": "2017-03-26T01:55:07-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/26/hiking-the-farm.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Hope","Positive Energy","God","Uncategorized"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/20/sticks-and-stones.html", "title": "Sticks and Stones", "content_html": "\"Couple\n

Expanding on yesterday’s eloquent sermon. I was raised with that tired old adage…“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Have you ever heard a more outrageous lie? Why on earth would we teach children that words can’t hurt them? To “toughen them up”? How tough can you get when your dad says you look like a hooker? How strong can you get when your coach calls you a sissy boy? How far can you go when your teacher calls you stupid or someone tells you that you won’t amount to anything. Words crush the spirit. CRUSH…as in totally.

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One of the most hideous effects of being verbally abused is becoming a verbal abuser yourself. In the deepest throes of my depression when I was on so many medications I couldn’t make sense of the world around me, I said the most horrid thing to my youngest child at the dinner table. I still remember every word that came out of my mouth. And I clearly remember the slump of her little shoulders as she crumpled under the “blows” of my words. Try as I might, I could never fix that. I could never take it back. I have begged for forgiveness. She has graciously forgiven me. But, nothing is ever quite the same after something like that.

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The average human has between 50,000 and 75,000 thoughts per day. Per DAY! How many of those thoughts are lies whispered into your life? How many of those lies do you take to heart? It’s easy to see how you can believe the things people who are supposed to love you say to you, even when they are wrong, hurtful, and outright abusive. And what about all those other lies you tell yourself? “I’m not good enough.” “I’m ugly.” “I’ll never get away from my addictions.” These are all lies whispered into your life by the dark energies of evil. The image of the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other is very real. Turn your thoughts back to the Light and stop believing the lies. If you are in a relationship that is in any way abusive, get help. Get out. You are a child of God and you are loved. ❤️

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“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭12:18‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-03-20T01:55:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/20/sticks-and-stones.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/14/the-evidence-of-things-unseen.html", "title": "The Evidence of Things Unseen", "content_html": "\"Two\n

I have a guy friend that has had his eye out for a good deal on a truck for me. Not that I can’t find my own good deal, but I took off for a much needed break this weekend and looking for a truck wasn’t high on my list of priorities for a couple of days. Still, time is marching on here and I need to get the rental car turned in.

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When I returned from the mountains on Sunday, I received texts with pictures and a description of two trucks that fit my wish list pretty well. I particularly liked one of them and called first thing yesterday to see if it was still there and it was. Remember my Prayer for Provision? I asked for a newer truck. This one was two years newer. I asked for much lower mileage. This one had one third the miles of my old truck. I asked for new tires. This one just had new tires put on by the dealer. I asked for a one owner car. This was a lease return with one owner. I really wanted a back up camera. This one had one. I also wanted a Super Crew Cab because sometimes I like to just sleep on the floor of the back seat when I’m camping without the trailer and the Super Crew gives you a lot more room back there. I wanted Bluetooth. Done. It had to have the tow package. This one had it. It drove like a dream. Not a scratch on it. Clean as a whistle.

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We sat down and talked price. Through careful negotiations, I only had to loan myself $1000 through a low interest charge card which I’ll pay off in three months. I would say this is proof of prayers answered. But wait till you hear the rest of the story.

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When my friend picked me up yesterday for the drive to Clarksburg, I was getting in when he said, “Hey…look in the pocket of the door there. I came out of the store awhile ago and that CD was laying beside the passenger door. There was no one around, so I picked it up.” I reached in and pulled out the CD. Thorogood. George Thorogood. I remembered the name but I’ve never been good at remembering which songs a certain artist did. I turned the CD over and my jaw dropped. “Bad to the Bone”. I started laughing and clapping my hands. My friend glanced over, not quite sure how to take this sudden display so I had to explain. When Mr. Virgo had a restaurant in Pagosa Springs, he was well known for miles around to have the best prime rib. His commercial on the local radio station opened with “Bad to the Bone”! Of COURSE that is the CD that was dropped in front of the door I would enter shortly. How could it NOT be?

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In addition, my salesperson turned out to be from my hometown and her aunt is one of my high school classmates. Synchronicity. Prayers answered. Signs dropped. Buying the truck was easy, effortless, and it is exactly what I needed. Meet “Norma Rae”, my new chariot! Thank you, God. Your provision is more than I could ever hope for and I am so grateful. ❤️

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“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”\n‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭11:1‬ ‭KJV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-03-14T01:55:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/14/the-evidence-of-things-unseen.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/10/a-prayer-for-provision.html", "title": "A Prayer for Provision", "content_html": "\"F-150\n

Ok, today’s post isn’t really preachy but there’s a whole lotta “faithy” in it so if that’s not your thing, y’all can move on and come back tomorrow. But, you may want to see how this “Faith in Provision” pans out.

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I found out this week, my truck is totaled. Poor Freida. She served me well…she took me places and towed my house on wheels for 55,000+ miles, gave me very little trouble, and saved my life when we were in a crash two weeks ago. And now, I need a replacement vehicle. Ahhh….wouldn’t a nice, shiny new truck be a lovely thing to own? That new car smell, all the bells and whistles, all the potential trips? Yes, that would be wonderful…but, I’m done buying new cars. The depreciation as you drive it off the lot equals my whole year’s income. Literally. Nope, unless I win the Powerball, I’m done with new cars. I prefer a good, quality, moderate mileage, clean, well-maintained vehicle with one owner.

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I walk my faith. I trust God for provision. He provides for my needs. Maybe not my wants, but most definitely my needs. I’m not asking for a Mercedes. I’ve had one. Believe me, it’s a car. A nice car…but, just a car nonetheless. I need a tow vehicle. So, here’s my prayer.

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“Heavenly Father,

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Thank You for loving me and taking care of me. Thank You for Your protection during the accident so that no one was seriously injured. Thank you for providing my every need just as you do for the sparrows in the fields. I am grateful beyond words.

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As You know, I lost my truck in the wreck. I need a replacement vehicle. I need it to be newer than my other one, with far less mileage. I need it to have new tires so I won’t have to go buy some anytime soon. And…here’s the big one. I need the vehicle, tax, and license to be less than or equal to the insurance check.

\n

I know I’m asking a lot, but I need to feel safe on the road. I need to be able to pull my “home” anywhere. I need it to be reliable and energy efficient. I’m leaving this up to You. Guide me to, and through, the sale that will provide this vehicle. Show me where there are opportunities to share Your grace and light in the world. Lord, please open Your heart and shower this blessing upon me, Your humble servant.

\n

Amen”

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Ask. Seek. Knock. These are action words. I can’t just ask for what I need. I have to offer to serve and be willing to do so when asked. And, I have to knock on the door of God’s heart and ask Him to open it to me. This is my Prayer for Provision that I use when I have a specific need. And now I let it go and let God do the work. And watch what happens. If I get a vehicle…blessings abound. If I don’t, it just hasn’t come yet. Either way…God is good, all the time. This isn’t a test. It is trust. ❤️

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“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:19-20‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-03-10T02:55:38-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/10/a-prayer-for-provision.html", "tags": ["Prayer","Hope","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/03/07/my-guardian-angel.html", "title": "My Guardian Angel", "content_html": "\"Guardian\n

Have you ever done a search on Google to research something in the Bible? I never even read the Bible till 2004 after my mom died. Between that and “A Purpose Driven Life” I came to really love this Jesus guy and what he had to say about peaceful living so I became a Christian. I’m not a biblical scholar by any means, so I have to study the Bible a lot to come up with the perfect scripture to accompany my posts that illustrates what my thinking was when writing. It would be so much easier to just pick a verse and write something about that. I do it backwards but I learn more, I believe.

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I’ve been thinking a lot about something that happened in the aftermath of the car accident I was in recently. I’ve been thinking about guardian angels and what the Bible has to say about them. Google gave me a boatload of verses and I dove in to see if what I suspected could be true. I wrote a lengthy post about this shortly after the accident, but in reading it afterward, I felt there was too much detail about the accident itself so to protect the identity of others, I removed it. I want to revisit that a little bit…especially after a conversation I had with Daughter #1 this weekend.

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While I was sitting in my truck after the accident, an EMT reaching up from the back seat holding my head still, I could see in the side view mirror. The State Highway Patrolman arrived to investigate and as he came around the back end of my truck, called out, “Boys? Who’s smokin’ a cigar back here?” I looked up at the rescue people and they were all looking at each other, puzzled. No one was smoking a cigar. I said to the young EMT, “Did you hear that? Did he say he smelled cigar smoke?” He answered that, indeed, he had. I smiled and said, “My late husband is here.” I knew I was going to be ok.

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Now, here’s the other half of the story. I finally had a chance to have a lengthy conversation with my daughter a few days after the accident. She told me there was something she hadn’t told me yet. She wanted to know if I knew what time the accident occurred. I told her and she said not too long before that, my son-in-law was driving my granddaughters to school when an Uber driver ran a stop sign without even glancing in his direction. He was driving a small SUV with my 13-year-old granddaughter in the front seat (she’s plenty tall enough) and the 9-year-old in the back. He stood on the brakes, just as I had done, but miraculously he stopped inches from t-boning the driver which would have most assuredly set off their airbags and could have caused serious injury to my loved ones.

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So, here’s my theory. Mr. Virgo was out on the back nine in heaven, playing a round of golf, when he sensed trouble brewing down below. What if…what if, somehow he was able to tell God, “Look, this is one tough woman with a mighty big truck. She can take it. Can you intervene in here and save her babies from getting hurt? That would just kill her. Can we do that?” We don’t know the ways of God. Maybe it was just a coincidence. But maybe…just maybe…my guardian angel was watching out for me and left the scent of cigar smoke to tell me he was there. I’ll never know for sure this side of heaven, but I like to think it’s a possibility. ❤️

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“For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.”\n‭‭Psalms‬ ‭91:11-12‬ ‭ESV‬‬

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Statue artist: LA Williams\nPhoto credit: Fairy Glen

\n", "date_published": "2017-03-07T02:55:55-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/03/07/my-guardian-angel.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/02/26/carrying-my-mat.html", "title": "Carrying my Mat", "content_html": "\"Green\n

Forgive me, my friends…today we’re going to church. If that’s not your thing, that’s cool…just come on back tomorrow. Today we’re preachin'.

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My church is growing so fast, we’ve had to add a third worship experience and I decided to attend Saturday night’s service this week. Pastors Justin and Heather Enoch are young, vibrant pastors who bring the gospel to life for me. The praise team is absolutely amazing and uplifting. I love contemporary Christian music. I always leave there absolutely on fire.

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Last night’s message was based on John 5:1-17. Jesus has gone to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals and stops at the pool known as Bethesda, by the Sheep Gate. God sent angels to this pool regularly to “trouble the water” , make it bubble up, giving it the power to heal. There were five platforms surrounding the pool and the crippled, maimed, and infirm would gather there. When the waters were “troubled”, they would quickly get into the water for their healing.

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There was one particular man who’s infirmity had him lying on his mat for 38 years on one of the platforms. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned how long he had been by the pool, he asked, “Don’t you want to be well?” The man replied that indeed he did but, every time the water was troubled, someone jumped in over him and he couldn’t get his healing. He had no one to take him to the pool. Jesus told the man to stand up, roll up his mat, and walk. And the man did. The scripture goes on to talk about the controversy of carrying your mat (i.e. “working” on the sabbath.) But, I want to focus on the mat for a minute.

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Jesus didn’t ask the man to merely stand up and walk. He asked him to pick up his mat and take it with him. The mat represented everything that man had been through for 38 years. He slept and ate on that mat. He may have even soiled it when he had no way of carrying himself to a facility. It represented every illness, every thought, every bad thing. If he was healed and he went out walking without the mat, people might have thought he looked somewhat familiar but may not know where they’d seen him before. With the mat, it gave others the opportunity to recognize him and place him at the pool as that man they had seen for all those years. It gave the man the opportunity to share the story of his miraculous healing and of the Man who healed him.

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My stories are my mat. I tell you where I’ve been. I share openly parts of myself that most guard tightly. I speak frankly about drugs and alcohol, depression and anxiety, PTSD, divorce, death and grief. These are parts of my life I share merely so you can know Who carried me through all of them. Without God in my life…as the focus and singular most important part of my life, I surely would not be sitting here writing this to you good people.

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Two years ago, God told me to tell you where I find my peace. In this day and age, if you tell someone you “hear the voice of God”, you are likely to be given a psychiatric diagnosis. I am here to tell you, I have…most assuredly…heard the voice of God. And, while there was a time when you might have questioned my sanity, I am as sober as a judge and in my right mind. My journey through grief in the last four years has brought me into an intimate relationship with God and I love that I walk my path with Him.

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When life has knocked you down, don’t be afraid to ask for a hand up. And, carry your mat for all to see so they might know Who made you well. ❤️

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“Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed.

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One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured; he picked up his mat and walked. The day on which this took place was a Sabbath, and so the Jewish leaders said to the man who had been healed, “It is the Sabbath; the law forbids you to carry your mat.” But he replied, “The man who made me well said to me, ‘Pick up your mat and walk.’ ””\n‭‭John‬ ‭5:1-3, 5-11‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-02-26T02:55:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/02/26/carrying-my-mat.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Hope","Positive Energy","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/19/no-worries.html", "title": "NO WORRIES", "content_html": "\"No\n

I used to worry about everything. I have a genetic proclivity for anxiety…a trait I have so generously shared with my children and at least one of my grandchildren. When I was in my twenties, a trip to the mountains would have me in a tizzy for days just thinking about going. At one point, I was nearly agoraphobic…there were only certain places I felt comfortable. I hated it. I hated that I couldn’t be in a play or give a speech because the idea of standing in front of people made me deathly sick. So, what changed?

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I still get butterflies on occasion. And, on rare occasions, I get anxiety attacks. But I’ve been largely better after two major events in my life. First, I nearly died of an overdose in 2000. I’ve talked about it a little here, but not much. It was a very dark time in my life, my marriage was dying, I was at the tail end of a 7 year struggle with clinical depression, and I took two full bottles of pills and could have easily died had I not been found in time. It wasn’t like I made a decision to end my life. I was just in so much pain, I wanted to go to sleep. When I came out of that, I was much stronger and nothing really scared me much after that. Then Mr. Virgo died. I suffered severe panic attacks for about a year. Finally, I was diagnosed with PTSD and had EMDR treatments so no I rarely get anxious about anything. And worry? Nah…worry doesn’t change anything. It just ruins “now”.

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I was interviewed on the radio yesterday. I had a half hour to tell my story and those of you who know me…I can just about tell you my name in that time. The show hosts said it was great. The gal who puts the show online said it was great. My friends have listened and said I did a good job. I listened to it and hear every pause, every “and…um”, every perceived flaw. So, I figured I just wouldn’t post it. Then I heard from a reader who heard it. And she said it was a wonderful interview. When I write, I re-read later and often think it isn’t good enough. But I have only erased and started over once in four years. Why? Because, I pray to God to bring me the words. These are the words I’m given. I don’t know who they’re for, or why I got this particular message. God just puts it on my heart and I do it. Same with any talks or interviews I give. It is what it is. Unless you are a speech coach, you aren’t going to really notice what I notice. And, if you ARE a speech coach…please contact me. I need your services!

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If you would like to listen to yesterday’s show on Highway to Health, you can do so here and I’m just not going to worry about it, OK?

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motherearthworks.com/index.php…

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“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”\n‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:6-7‬ ‭NIV‬‬\n(My go to verse about worry and anxiety!)

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#grief, #widow, #worry, #anxiety

\n", "date_published": "2017-01-19T02:55:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/19/no-worries.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Strong Women","Positive Energy","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/16/breathe-life.html", "title": "BREATHE LIFE", "content_html": "\"One\n

I loved our message in church yesterday. Pastor Justin spoke about Jesus completing a huge healing marathon when the Pharisees headed to see him. They wanted to know why his Disciples had unclean hands. You see, the Pharisees did not recognize Jesus as the Messiah, so they still did a ritual hand washing ceremony before their meal…not for hygienic reasons, but to “wash away their sins and transgressions.” Jesus explained to them that it wasn’t what was on their hands but what was in their hearts.

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You’ve heard the expression “Garbage in, garbage out.”? It is a reference to computing…if you do not put the correct URL in the search bar, you are not led to where you intended to go. The same thing happens with our hearts. What we feed our heart comes out our mouth and hands in words and actions. If we feed our hearts violence and hatred then that is what we live…that is what we speak…that is what we do. One of the most difficult things many of us will face this week will be the realization that God loves all of us equally…no matter who we are or what we’ve done. No matter what side of the aisle we sit on politically, God is impartial when it comes to his children. Something I am reminding myself of daily.

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I read a beautiful story on Facebook the other day. A woman was celebrating her daughter as she prepared for her first day in middle school the following morning. They bought the uniforms and supplies and a new backpack. Then she sat her daughter down at the table and gave her a plate and a tube of toothpaste. She asked her daughter to squeeze the toothpaste out of the tub and onto the plate…which she did. Then, when she was finished, the mother asked her daughter to put all the toothpaste back into the tube. The daughter protested and said she couldn’t do that…it would never go back and it would never be the same. The wise mother explained that she was about to head into a new phase of her life and would be presented with many opportunities to breathe life or death into the world with her words. She wanted her daughter to be conscious of the irreparable damage her words can cause and to always choose to breath life.

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What a beautiful analogy. This is why I don’t watch television. I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination. But, what is offered on television as “entertainment” these days is largely unappealing to me. And I do not need to see the accident victims’ lifeless bodies in order to have empathy for the loss so I don’t watch the news either. I read so therefore I filter the images I put in my mind and my heart. I prefer to keep the “garbage in” to a minimum so the “garbage out” is (hopefully) minimized as well. I prefer to keep my heart as clean as I can so that my hands do good works…so that my mouth breathes life into the world. And, this world needs all the life it can get breathed into it.

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Be the change. ❤️

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““Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.””\n‭‭Matthew‬ ‭15:17-20‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-01-16T02:55:34-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/16/breathe-life.html", "tags": ["Overcoming Obstacles","Hope","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2017/01/07/when-bad-things-happen.html", "title": "WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN", "content_html": "\"Meme\n

When Bad Things Happen

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Since the beginning of time, bad things have happened. There is evil in the world and when senseless acts of violence happen, it is sometimes difficult to see God. This was a pretty bad week in the world. Four people beat a stranger and broadcast it online…live. A madman opened fire in an airport. My friend’s son hit a tree with his face when he was skiing (he’s ok, thank God!). Freak snowstorms wreaked havoc on the highways and byways of America. Politics…don’t get me started. It’s been a hard week. Where was God?

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The first thing to remember is…God does not bring evil to us. God loves us and it pains Him to see evil things happen to His children. God is love. Those of us who are widows or have lost other important family members may very well have heard this age old platitude…“We don’t always understand why God does the things He does, but everything happens for a reason.” What a terrible thing to say to someone when they are hurting! That their pain is somehow God’s plan…God’s fault. He never hurts us…he only loves us. But, when these bad things are happening, why is it so hard to feel Him?

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Here’s the thing…if bad things didn’t happen in the world, if there was no pain, if our lives were effortless and trouble free, we wouldn’t NEED God. We would never seek Him and ask for His comfort. God wants us to turn to Him in times of trouble, but He doesn’t cause the trouble. Mr. Rogers used to tell the children in his television audience a story about his mother. When he was a little boy and saw disturbing things happen, his mother told him to look for the helpers. There will always be helpers who come to the aid of the victims. As I watched the events in Ft. Lauderdale unfold yesterday, it would be easy to say, “How can a loving God let this happen to innocent people? People whose only “crime” was being in the wrong place at the wrong time.” As the day wore on, I saw the videos running behind the reporters and there they were…the helpers. The fellow passengers who opened suitcases to grab articles of clothing to bind wounds. The strangers who held hands and prayed. The people circling a man who was so distraught from the scene that he was bent over a trashcan throwing up. There were hands on shoulders. Arms wrapped around strangers. Police and firemen and rescue workers flocking to aid and protect. God was everywhere.

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When evil acts are occurring, you cannot see God’s Hands. It is only when you look back and reflect that you see the remarkable, unmistakable acts of a loving, hurting God. Take the events of 9/11 as an example. People came together and loved one another like many of us had never seen in our lifetimes. Foundations and alliances were formed. Funds were collected. The nations of the world came together in love. Evil acts occur. There is darkness in the world. But there is also light. Pray for the victims and their families. Pray for our service workers and leaders. Pray for the families of the perpetrators…what horrors they must be going through as well. But always…always look for the helpers. Look for the light. ❤️

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““I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.””\n‭‭John‬ ‭16:33‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2017-01-07T03:00:08-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2017/01/07/when-bad-things-happen.html", "tags": ["Uplifting Stories","Hope","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/24/give-thanks.html", "title": "Give Thanks", "content_html": "

\"Give “Give Thanks”

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I have more to be grateful for than I could possibly recount here, but I’ll list a few.

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LOVE - I am grateful for the deep love I have in my life. Those closest to me are my rocks and I can never adequately thank them for all they do for me. To give love is divine. To be given love in return is a precious gift I will never take for granted.

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SHELTER - While I have my camper TOW-Wanda that I’ve lived in most of the last two years, I am especially grateful to be given the opportunity to live on and take care of the family farm. The home of my heart…my uncle understands this is my healing place. A place where I am closer to those who have gone on before me. Another generous gift I’ll not take for granted.

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WORDS - I have the joy of writing an essay every single day. Even though now it is more like an obsession, really. I cannot imagine not writing…even for a day. It’s as automatic as breathing and brushing my teeth. And, as a result of my writing, I have all you good people to interact with on a daily basis and I love you all. Your support far outweighs any efforts I put into this and I am deeply grateful for this blog.

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MR. VIRGO - Three weeks before he died, we actually had a discussion about death and what we would want when the time comes. I remember telling him that if he died the next day, it would be a tragedy…but if I would have had him for one day, my life was surely richer for it. I am grateful we told each other often how much we loved each other. There are no regrets…only warm memories of having had a wonderful man in my life.

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MUSIC - My world started getting color and sound back in it about two years after losing Mr. Virgo. I am grateful for the opportunities to go listen to live music with my friends. I am grateful for a Bluetooth speaker so I can fill my house with music.

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And, last but certainly not least…

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GOD and my CHURCH - I wouldn’t even HAVE a life if it wasn’t for the Grace of God. And my life is enriched by Pastor Justin and my Church family at The Warehouse Church. They bless me every day and help guide me through my spiritual journey.

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I am thankful for so many things. My life is beautiful and sweet and peaceful. I am spending this holiday with my West Virginia family…those wonderful people who hold such special places in my heart. May you all celebrate Thanksgiving with loving kindness and gratitude. ❤️

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“I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.”\n‭‭Psalm‬ ‭9:1‬ ‭NIV‬‬

\n", "date_published": "2016-11-24T02:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/24/give-thanks.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","West Virginia","The Farm","Gratitude","God","Wisdom","Choices"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/23/reprise-the-ugly-side-of.html", "title": "Reprise: The Ugly Side of Grief", "content_html": "

\"Grief “Reprise: The Ugly Side of Grief”

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I wrote this two years ago. I think it bears repeating with the holidays approaching.

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The Ugly Side of Grief

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Remember when you and I first started this journey? I told you I would speak from my heart. I would speak my truth as it is in the moment. I would tell you what it’s like to walk this path and I told you that sometimes it wouldn’t be pretty. Remember that? Well, I’m writing this at midnight and tonight is one of those nights that’s just not pretty.

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I woke up with a migraine Wednesday morning and didn’t take the time to take care of myself as I would normally. My aunt had a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon so we were gone for several hours. (I’ve managed to get 2.2 pounds on her tiny little frame by adding cream and cheese and eggs to a lot of her foods. That’s a relief.) We got home and I fixed her supper. I really couldn’t eat much and I went straight to bed. I slept a couple of hours and woke up. And the second phase of my migraine kicked in….GI symptoms.

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Grief is hard work. Being sick is hard work. Being sick and grieving and feeling anxiety build up in you and knowing the only thing you can do is use Rescue Remedy and ride it out till morning? That’s brutal. That opens all sorts of doors to thoughts better left for the light of day. When will this ever be over? Why did he have to die on me so soon? How am I ever going to find the strength to get through this? Is this what the rest of my life is going to look like? I’ve taken on a huge responsibility with my aunt’s care. Have I bit off more than I can chew? Am I strong enough to get through this?

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That last question is the crux of the whole thing…am I strong enough to do this? If you look at my frail little human self with my fears and my anxieties and my grief, the answer is an unequivocal “No…..not on my own.” I could not have gotten where I am today if it weren’t for my faith in a God much stronger than me. A God that will gladly carry every burden I have if I’ll just remember to turn to Him and ask Him to carry them. I couldn’t have made it this far without the countless prayers that have been offered up on my behalf. I hate the ugly underbelly of grief. The doubt and fear it stirs up in me scares me. And when I get scared, it’s easy to go running down the dark corridors of my 2:00 mind, jiggling door knobs, frantically looking for a way out of this purgatory.

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My rational 8:00 mind will return after while. I’ll get up and have coffee and the night will fade into memories of the many long nights of survival. And, until then, I will lay here in my comfy bed in my cold camper with my toasty electric blanket turned on high, and I will visualize sitting at the feet of God, my head on His knee, His hand stroking my brow, His love for me overflowing, His strength pouring into me, His gentle words of encouragement whispered into my ear. “It’s ok, baby girl. You fight hard and you get tired. You just rest in Me. I’ll take care of you tonight and tomorrow things will look a whole lot different…you’ll see. Trust Me.”

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❤️

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“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”    Psalm‬ ‭18:2‬ ‭NIV‬
\n", "date_published": "2016-11-23T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/23/reprise-the-ugly-side-of.html", "tags": ["Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","God","Holiday","Wisdom","Fear"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/22/fill-er-up.html", "title": "Fill 'er Up", "content_html": "

\"Woman “Get your tank filled.”

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Borrowing from part of Sunday’s sermon, I’m going to run with this. I took the Ford in to get the oil changed and new brakes and asked them to check the engine. It had been running a little rough, I thought. After carefully checking it over, they determined I probably got a bad batch of gas and it would work itself out. I usually buy the lowest grade unless I’m towing my camper. That’s when I put high test in it…when I need to make sure it runs well and has the most energy.

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Our bodies are like that F-150 engine. If we put crappy food in it, it isn’t going to perform at its best. You’ll be sluggish. The better your food intake, the more you can accomplish in your life.

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We need to feed our spirits in the same way. If you don’t feed your soul with “happy”, you can’t possibly reflect that back into the world. That doesn’t mean all sadness can be rectified with a big dose of happy…it can’t. But, you can ask my daughters. The first trip out after Mr. Virgo died…even before the funeral…I made them take me to Target and I bought every funny movie I could find in the $5 bin because I knew I was going to need that. We went home, popped popcorn, and had a comedy marathon. It helped tremendously to bring some normalcy into a distinctly abnormal, tragic situation.

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Just like using a computer, “garbage in, garbage out” is relevant in so many areas of our lives. But we have to make choices. I know it’s not as simple as that, but putting joyful things in front of you goes a long way to helping lighten the load of grief. ❤️

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“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”   James‬ ‭1:2-3‬ ‭NIV‬‬
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\n", "date_published": "2016-11-22T02:30:23-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/22/fill-er-up.html", "tags": ["Faith","Overcoming Obstacles","Positive Energy","Growth","Grace","God","Wisdom","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/11/21/the-nest.html", "title": "The Nest", "content_html": "

\"Bird’s “A bird’s nest from the farm.”

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One late fall day, I was walking down the long drive to get the mail and paper when I noticed an abandoned nest in the ditch. I’m not familiar enough to know what kind of bird made it although it is lined with mud. I know swallows do that. I picked up the little nest and sat it on the end of the old wooden ironing board I use as a perch for the cats and there it sat. That is, until I “decorated” for the holidays. I thought it looked better sitting beside the old hunting boots I found in a barrel downstairs.

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One of the joys of living out on the farm is the vast number and variety of birds here. I could hardly wait to put out bird feeders. I have them situated so I can see them from the rocking chair in the front window. They remind me of a verse in the Bible that tells us not to worry about getting the things we need because if God provides for the sparrow, he will certainly provide for us. Everything a bird needs is found in nature. Our added efforts to draw them in with extra food only baits them for our viewing pleasure. But, even though God gives the worm, he doesn’t provide room service. The birds still have to get out every day and forage for sustenance. They have to work for their blessings…they just don’t worry about it. Good advice.

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God has buckets of blessings with our name on them. They are the blessings HE wants for us…not our selfish requests. HE wants to prosper us, but on HIS terms…not ours. I can’t just sit here in the rocking chair and wait for UPS to hand deliver my blessings. I have to suit up and show up. I have to prepare myself through prayer and meditation. I have to treat my body like the temple it is with proper food and activity. I have to maintain my health. For me, personally…I have to be in the Word every day. I have to practice all three parts of Matthew 7:7…ask, seek, and knock. The action words. When I “ask”, I ask for the blessings HE wants to give me. When I “seek”, I ask how I can best serve HIM, not the other way around. And when I “knock”, I beg God to open the door to His heart and shower me with the abundance HE has in mind. That is how I “work for my supper”. He feeds my spirit AND my life.

\n

So, just as the bird must work for the blessing of food, so do I. I am grateful for the beauty…and the bounty…in my life. ❤️

\n
“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”    ‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6:26‬ ‭NIV‬‬
\n
\n", "date_published": "2016-11-21T02:30:02-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/11/21/the-nest.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","West Virginia","Growth","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Presence","Choices","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/10/17/just-passing-through.html", "title": "Just Passing Through", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

I can't remember ever having a day quite like yesterday. I always pray during the opening worship service and ask God to speak to me personally through our pastor's message. He didn't fail me...He never does. And it was powerful. After church, I went for a drive to look at the beautiful fall colors. I pulled into the cemetery where my grandparents, great-grandparents, and other family members on my father's side are buried. After paying my respects, I had a picnic in the park by the river then moved on to drive up by my Aunt Marge's farm. I have wonderful memories of that place and it was sad to see it so run down. The building in this picture is the Wilding Graded School just down the road.

\n\n\n

I was returning home, driving out a country road when I noticed some people talking in a yard. Suddenly they rushed to the road and started pointing ahead of me. I looked up and there was a cloud of dust flying. A car and truck had collided at high speed in the intersection not farther than a football field ahead of me. I was one of the first to stop to help. Just as I got to the truck that was overturned, two nurses rushed up with their medical bags and climbed in the cab as best they could. The occupants were severely injured. I believe the driver was killed. The nurse kept coming back out for air then diving in again. I could do nothing but pray. I asked God to give her the skills she needed, the words of comfort to say, and the strength to carry out her tasks. That's when I heard her say, \"Do you know Jesus?\" The man said he did. I knew my part was done and I needed to get my truck out of the way. I was still shaking an hour later and the image stuck with me well into the night.

\n\n\n

After my Sunday evening service, I checked Facebook and saw a post from my second cousin. Her mom had taken a turn for the worse so I headed to the care facility to sit with family for a while. I got home after 1:00.
I'm in a season of my life where people are slipping away from me. Mr. Virgo. My parents. Friends. Acquaintances. They're dying. They're moving on. I keep recalibrating my compass, yet true north eludes me. Big changes are coming into my life. Doors close. Windows open. On and on. I don't know why everything seems so poignant right now, but it's like something orchestrated. I'll trust the process and see where this leads me. After all, we're just passing through here.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n

“Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.”‭‭Psalms‬ ‭25:4-5‬ ‭ESV‬‬

\n\n", "date_published": "2016-10-17T01:30:51-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/10/17/just-passing-through.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","God","Aging"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/09/08/true-north.html", "title": "True North", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

I have absolutely no sense of direction. I used to. Seriously, I could drive into a town, get my bearings, and navigate anywhere. I lost that ability sometime in 1983 in the Hertz lot in the Boston airport. My ex and I were on a huge trip up and down the east coast interviewing for internships as he was about to graduate from medical school. This WV girl was trying to get her Jewish city boy to help her fulfill her lifelong dream of having a farm. We traveled to 10 major cities in 14 days. I came out of the bathroom at the car rental office and had no idea which city I was in or which way to turn to get back to the lobby. I never regained the ability to find my butt with both hands and a flashlight, let alone find my way through a big city. Thank God for GPS or I couldn't get out of the parking lot at the mall!

\n\n\n

Ever wish you had a GPS to help you navigate the decisions you have to make in this life? I was talking to a friend recently and was saying I could not believe some of the stuff I did in the first year after losing Mr. Virgo. Honestly, even my ex-husband called and said, \"What the hell are you DOING?\" Well, in fairness, he didn't use those exact words. But the gist was the same. I ask God all the time to hop in the driver's seat, then I keep grabbing the wheel and telling him \"No, it's THIS way!!!\"

\n\n\n

Wouldn't it be nice if God gave us audible directions in that Australian dude's voice?

\n\n\n

\"Ginny, you need to keep your mouth shut in this situation.\"

\n\n\n

\"Ginny, you need to avoid this person at all costs!\"

\n\n\n

\"Ginny, what in MY NAME were you thinking??? For crying out loud...you're killing me here!\"

\n\n\n

Instead, He whispers.

\n\n\n

\"Don't.\"

\n\n\n

\"Don't what?\"

\n\n\n

\"Just, don't!\"

\n\n\n

\"Ok, how about this?\"

\n\n\n

\"Nope, not that.\"

\n\n\n

\"C'mon...a little direction, please.\"

\n\n\n

\"Do this.\"

\n\n\n

\"What??? No way!!! I am NOT doing that.\"

\n\n\n

\"Do this.\"

\n\n\n

\"Nope! You can't make me!\"

\n\n\n

\"DO THIS NOW!!!!\"

\n\n\n

\"Ok, ok...jeesh! You don't have to use all caps! I'll do it already!\"

\n\n\n

This is the nature of many of my talks with God. I'll just keep reading His instruction manual and keep listening.

\n\n\n

\"Recalculating route!\"

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

\n‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-09-08T01:30:20-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/09/08/true-north.html", "tags": ["God","Choices","Insight"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/13/happy-birthday-to-me.html", "title": "Happy Birthday to ME!", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

I love my birthdays! Mr. Virgo always made it a special day for me so I like to carry on that tradition. It's the least thing I can do, right? ?

\n\n\n

I got a late start out of Bristol yesterday. Just after I left I-81 and got on I-40 west, I get one of my God messages.

\n\n\n

\"Check the air in your tires.\"

\n\n\n

\"Nah...they checked it recently when I got the new ties on the camper.\"

\n\n\n

\"Check the air in you tires.\"

\n\n\n

\"Seriously, it hasn't been that long ago. I looked at them. They looked fine. The pressure light isn't on. They're fine. Really. Trust me.\"

\n\n\n

\"Check the air in your tires!\"

\n\n\n

\"Awwww, c'mon! I'm running late!!!\"

\n\n\n

\"CHECK THE AIR IN YOUR TIRES...NOW!!!\"

\n\n\n

\"Fine! Fine! I'll check the air in my tires!!!\"

\n\n\n

There was a rest area one mile ahead so I pulled in. I got out my tire gauge and checked the air. Front, left...35psi. Front, right...35psi. Rear, right...35psi. Rear, left...>100psi! What?!?! That couldn't be possible. The tire would blow if it was that high. I tested them again. Same thing. I let them cool off a bit, tested them again, and STILL got greater than 100psi. I googled Walmart Tire Center and found one less than ten miles away. I went in and asked if they could check my tire pressure.

\n\n\n

35...35...35.......35!!!! Crazy! I asked the guy if he was sure. He said yes and showed me. Then he said, \"Whoa...wait a second. What's this?\" He shined a light on the tire and there was a two inch split right between the tread. It was on a part of the tire I couldn't see when I initially checked my air pressure. I never would have known if that one tire hadn't given such a weird reading.

\n\n\n

God looks out for us in all things. He can direct our feet to save us from calamity. I am so blessed I listened yesterday and I checked my tires! I get to have another birthday today!!!

\n\n\n

??❤️??

\n\n\n
\n

“For through wisdom your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.”

\nProverbs 9:11 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-13T01:30:18-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/13/happy-birthday-to-me.html", "tags": ["Gratitude","God","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/06/07/the-farmer.html", "title": "The Farmer", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

I have a friend who has a farm. He and his wife live on land that has been in the family for decades. They use tractors but also use draft horses for a lot of the heavy work. This is such a throwback. In a time of instant gratification, I admire my friend's infinite patience with these gentle giants.
Plowing a field is not as easy a task as you might think. If a field has never been plowed before, the sod as well as the underlying root system has to be broken into and cut up. After it dries a bit, it is disked then harrowed. This cuts the clods of dirt and roots up into finer and finer pieces. A seed would get lost and fail to grow properly if planted before the ground is prepared correctly.

\n\n\n

Walking this grief path is much like cultivating a new field. Death breaks this new ground wide open where nothing can grow. Slowly but surely, time and effort breaks down the soil till even the smallest seed can germinate and become a strong plant with deep roots. To give this new life a chance, you need to tend to the field. You need to water it and fertilize it. You need to keep the weeds out. It takes work to get from one season to the next.

\n\n\n

Be a good farmer.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

\nMatthew 7:12 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-06-07T01:30:46-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/06/07/the-farmer.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/05/21/women.html", "title": "Women", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

My church is young. It's energetic and enthusiastic and encouraging. I've never been to a church where people countdown the last 10 seconds before the door opens because they're so excited to go in. It's astonishing. The church I go to in the Denver area is similar, but I like this one even better.

\n\n\n

Last night was the kickoff event for the new Women's Ministry that's starting. It was a wonderful evening and very empowering. A woman narrated a piece comparing women to redwood trees. Redwoods are some of the largest trees there are, but they don't have a very deep root system. On their own, they could never withstand strong winds. But together, their roots weave around and intertwine creating a complex support system. It's the same way with women. If we isolate, we are much more vulnerable. In nature, the predator attacks the weakest member of the herd by separating it and attacking. In many ways, we are stronger and safer when we are supported by other women.

\n\n\n

My talk on Thursday night was well attended. There was great feedback and I had my friend videotape it. I'll try to figure out how to crop a small segment and post it. Looking back over the recording is always difficult because I pick out the annoying little habits I have that no one else would even notice. It keeps me humble and always seeking to improve.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.””

\nGenesis 2:18 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-05-21T01:30:47-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/05/21/women.html", "tags": ["Strong Women","God","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/05/05/the-puzzle.html", "title": "The Puzzle", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

When you lose your loved one, a giant gaping hole is instantly ripped in your heart. It is ragged and bloody and sends horrible sounds up your throat and out of your mouth. These guttural wails are the initial rages of acute grief...raw and unimaginable. They come of their own free will. There's no rhyme or reason to it. Three months after Mr. Virgo died and I had returned from my journey through the wilderness of Colorado, I was beginning to cook for myself again. I was rummaging in the spice cabinet when I moved a jar aside and saw it. Mr. Virgo's secret stash of jelly beans. There were only a couple handfuls left. I crumpled. I laid my forehead on the counter and wailed. Sounds I didn't know I could make...the ragged sobs coming from someplace deep within like a wounded animal.

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In time, the wretched wound began to heal around the edges and take on a somewhat familiar shape...like the missing piece of a puzzle. I tried to stuff anything I could in that hole to stem the bleeding of my soul. I had a couple \"relationships\"... desperate attempts to replace what I had lost. I soon came to realize the futility of that endeavor. I spent too much, ate too much, traveled too much. I finally swore off adding any new relationships for a year and cut back on everything else.

\n\n\n

Somewhere this spring, as the new grass peeked it's fresh green shoots toward the sun and life returned to my winter weary soul, I slowly recognized the shape of that hole in my heart. It is the exact size and shape of my memories of Mr. Virgo. I puzzled over this for days. What would happen if I just took those beautiful memories and slid them right in that space? I tried...and at first it seemed impossible. I turned them this way and that. I had a death grip on them for fear letting go would mean they would slip away from me and no longer be mine. I would lose him, all over again. And...I couldn't bear that. So I had a talk with God.

\n\n\n

\"What are you doing, my child?\"

\n\n\n

\"Oh, it's YOU! You startled me...I was concentrating.\"

\n\n\n

\"Yes, I've been watching you. What you have here is a puzzle.\"

\n\n\n

\"It's like one of those puzzle boxes. I have this piece...all my memories of Mr. Virgo. And I can see this hole in my heart here exactly matches. But, try as I might, I can't get it to fit.\" ***grunting as I push and shove. I finally sit back on my heels in frustration.*** \"Can you help me?\"

\n\n\n

\"Ahhhh, I've been waiting for you to ask. You've been really struggling with this. Tell me what is bothering you...why are you holding on so tightly?\"

\n\n\n

\"Because...I'm afraid.\"

\n\n\n

\"What is your fear?\"

\n\n\n

\"I'm afraid if I let go, I'll forget him.\" I hung my head in sadness.

\n\n\n

God wrapped His arms around me and said, \"I know. It's scary because you aren't remembering something really important.\"

\n\n\n

I look up at the sunset in front of me. \"I don't understand. I've remembered everything.\"

\n\n\n

\"Look at the sunset that I've given you. Does the shape of the sun ever change?\"

\n\n\n

\"No, of course not.\"

\n\n\n

\"You're right. It is the same every single day...even when clouds obscure it from view, the sun is the perfect shape and it still sets...day after day after day. Why do you suppose that is?\"

\n\n\n

\"Because, You made it so. I trust that it's there, even when I can't see it.\"

\n\n\n

\"Well, if I can make something so big and wonderful as sunsets, don't you think I can help you slip this puzzle piece in and hold it for you?\"

\n\n\n

\"He won't disappear?\"

\n\n\n

\"Did the sun?\"

\n\n\n

\"No.\"

\n\n\n

\"I promise, I'll take very good care of your memories. You've been carrying them so tight, you can't do anything else. Here, hand them to Me...let Me slip them in your heart. I'll keep them safe.\"

\n\n\n

I looked down at the package of memories. I could see them in there...our wedding, and standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon, and our last Christmas. I could see our laughter, our hands together, our lovemaking on a rainy afternoon in September. I could see the way he looked at me with such love in his eyes. I looked up and said, \"Ok. Here. You can have them.\"

\n\n\n

God carefully took that precious bundle, gently took my hands from their grip on the edge, and slipped that perfect piece into the perfect place. It was an exact fit. \"It's not going to feel the same as it did before, my child. You'll always feel the rough edges. I put them there to remind you he is here. He will always and forever be right here and you can visit him any time you want, ok?\"

\n\n\n

I felt lighter. I felt something special had happened. I felt my heart suddenly become full again. God let me fill what had been a ragged, awful, gaping wound with the most perfect package of love and light...my husband. It feels so much better now.

\n\n\n

❤

\n\n\n
\n

“He has remembered his love and his faithfulness to Israel; all the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God.”

\nPsalm 98:3 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-05-05T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/05/05/the-puzzle.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","God","Healing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/04/23/for-isabel.html", "title": "For Isabel", "content_html": "\n
\"\"
For Isabel...born sleeping.
\n\n\n
\n

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.”

\nMatthew 5:4, 8 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-04-23T01:30:27-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/04/23/for-isabel.html", "tags": ["Grief","Comfort","God","Friends"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/04/12/the-other-half-of-the.html", "title": "The Other Half of the Story", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

So, I only told you the first half of the story of running into my old friend, Pastor Jim, at the Kroger store a couple weeks ago. I told you I was wandering the aisles when he popped into my mind...a face and name I hadn't seen nor heard of in almost 45 years. Then, when I went into the mysteriously short checkout line...there he was!

\n\n\n

Well, we vowed to not lose touch. I gave him my business card and told him to look me up on Facebook. Later in the evening, Jim sent me a text with his cell number and asked me to contact him. I called and after catching me up on his life, I dove into my story. I ended with Marshmallow Ranch and how God put it on my heart a year ago to write scripture at the bottom of each post. I told him I pray over my keyboard, asking God to bring me the words He wants me to say, the people who need the message, and to please make my writing lucrative. Jim preached to me for a little bit about Matthew 7:7 and about ASK, SEEK, and KNOCK being active words. We need to do all three. I felt something open in my heart...a window? A door? Whatever it was, love, power, and understanding rushed in.

\n\n\n

This is the part I didn't tell you. Our conversation ended pretty shortly after Jim's impromptu mini-sermon and I set about praying. I said my usual prayer. I ASKED. But, then I SOUGHT. I looked for God to tell me how I could better serve him. What did he need from me to make this happen? And, I knocked on the door to His heart so He could open it up and shower me with His blessings. I spent about thirty minutes in prayer. Then...

\n\n\n

My phone \"dinged\", signaling there was a message...sent through Marshmallow Ranch.

\n\n\n

\"Hi! My name is Italia...\"

\n\n\n

My soon-to-be agent was texting me, introducing herself. Wow! The timing was not lost on me. It couldn't have been any more glaringly obvious who orchestrated this.

\n\n\n

God is good...all the time!

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.”

\nNumbers 6:24-26 KJV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-04-12T01:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/04/12/the-other-half-of-the.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/03/22/purpose.html", "title": "Purpose", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

We never meet someone by accident. People are placed on our path for a reason...to exchange information. To give...or receive...or both. Recently, I have seen God actively working in my life. He's throwing things and people down in front of me almost faster than I can pick them up.

\n\n\n

A month ago, when I was contemplating my place on this grief journey and considering how I want to proceed, I made the decision to get fit. Boom! Paul came by way of a friend. Paul is a personal trainer. My daughter is on a fitness journey and just started Advocare. Boom! Paul uses Advocare. I decided to do the 24 Day Challenge with my daughter. Boom! Paul hooked me up with a distributor. I've had opportunities presented that are exactly what I need. I've met people that have the knowledge or skills I need. This isn't serendipity or circumstance. There's no way this isn't divinely orchestrated.

\n\n\n

When I am in tune inside...when my heart is aligned with my higher power...my life becomes a giant tuning fork, humming it's beautiful love song into every corner of the universe. Others may be minding their own business, moving right along with their daily living, when they catch wind of my \"song\" and it matches theirs. And they are unable to stop themselves...it's like a magnet and they will cross streets to get near it. And when you get two people together whose vibe is in sync? There's no stopping that. It takes on a life of its own. And gathers more and more people with matching love light. It's real. I've seen it over and over. That's what's been happening the last month. It's a beautiful thing.

\n\n\n

You have to get quiet to hear the vibrations. The still small voice. I'm just starting a new meditation series on weight from Oprah and Deepak Chopra. I'm really looking forward to getting still and listening. This last week away was an excellent start. It's time to reach and grow. It's Spring!

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.”

\nSong of Solomon 2:11-12 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-03-22T01:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/03/22/purpose.html", "tags": ["Positive Energy","God","Fitness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/09/is-your-church-dying.html", "title": "Is Your Church Dying?", "content_html": "\n
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\n\n\n

I like to go to different churches. I attended a church in the small town I lived in the last 14 years I lived in Colorado. I have another one on the outskirts of Denver where I attend when I am visiting the kids. There's my grandma's little one room church that I have attended several times since coming to West Virginia in October 2014. I went to one church here where they spoke in tongues, which was interesting from a sociological standpoint but did nothing for me faith wise. I've attended a Baptist church many times and, while it is more contemporary with a praise team, it is not nearly the same as that Denver church that I love.

\n\n\n

A couple friends on Facebook have posted things about a local church that has really come alive and I've been meaning to check it out. This past Sunday, I thought I was going to my usual church when, just two blocks before it, I got this big nudge with the reminder of the other church so I drove on past. And I have to say...it had that same alive feeling the Denver church had.

\n\n\n

There was a lovely lady seated beside me and she told me she had recently started coming to this church because hers was dying. She said at the most they would have 40 people on a Sunday...and no children. This church was growing. They had almost doubled in a year. They were campaigning to buy more chairs. My grandma's church has 14 on a REALLY good day.

\n\n\n

So, why are some churches thriving and others are dying on the vine? Well, I don't know numbers and I have nothing scientific to base this on, but I would say if a church isn't jam packed with young people, it's not going to be around forever. The churches being led by millennials to thirty-somethings have come to realize, they have to think the way adolescents do. They have to speak in a language adolescents are going to understand. If you are lucky enough to find one of these churches, go! They feel so good inside. They're on fire! If your church is dying, take a delegation and go on a field trip to a big church with lots of kids. See what they're doing and how they're doing it.

\n\n\n

It was pretty awesome.

\n\n\n

❤️

\n\n\n
\n

“not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

\nHebrews 10:25 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-09T02:30:06-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/09/is-your-church-dying.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2016/02/01/wwjd.html", "title": "WWJD", "content_html": "\n
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Last night was \"Pub Church\". There is an increasing interest in alternatives to the traditional churches of today. Many have become disenchanted with formal churches and the strong religious rhetoric involved yet they still yearn for a connection of faith. I know from personal experience how the preaching of \"hellfire and brimstone\" sent me fleeing the church at the tender age of seven. We are a diverse group. For some, this is their only exposure to religion. But for most, myself included, it is an adjunct to regular church attendance and offers a more informal venue for discussion and debate.

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Our topic last night was evangelism and how do you do that without turning people off entirely. We came back to the acronym...WWJD. Jesus beckoned others to follow Him. He didn't condemn them. He didn't hand people a laundry list of accusations delineating their sins. He loved them. He invited others to join Him and live a Godly life. He taught them. He showered his Grace upon them. We can evangelize without shoving it down the throats of others. We can live exemplary lives. We can emulate Christ's love in the world and get a lot further, I think.

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It was a lovely ending to a lovely weekend. The temperature got up to 66 yesterday and I found myself wandering outside frequently to soak up some sun. Winter is not nearly so difficult to take when you have a weekend like this one every once in awhile to break up the dreariness of snow and cold. And now...here it is...February!!!

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❤️

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“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.””

\nMatthew 18:20 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2016-02-01T02:30:25-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2016/02/01/wwjd.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/30/spirit.html", "title": "Spirit", "content_html": "\n
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The momentum is shifting here on The Ranch. I have a vision. A very clear vision of my books in print. I can see them on shelves. I can see myself at book signings and giving talks and being interviewed. I have been a visual person all my life. I've learned to harness that and use it to create my life. While I am a Christian, I also believe the Lord works in mysterious ways and we cannot come close to understanding how it all works. All I know is, there have been numerous times in my life that I have prayed an intention out into the universe and handed it over to God, and I literally step back and watch Him work wonders. It comes across to some people as something bordering precognizant but that's not it at all. It's trust, and faith, and hope all wrapped into one.

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Two years ago I was paralyzed with grief. I could barely function. Thank God I had my family and good friends who would just sit and listen to me cry and they didn't say a word. There was nothing TO say. By just sitting quietly, I knew I was loved. I knew it was safe for me to let my guard down and cry from the marrow of my bones. On New Year's Eve, I just wanted it to be 12:01 to get that dreadful year over with. I didn't want to breathe any more 2013 air. Even though the strike of 12 only meant a little over nine months had passed since Mr. Virgo's death, to me it meant I had turned a corner. The continued sense of relief I had hoped for failed to hang on though, and I was quickly back on the roller coaster of grief.

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Now, two more years have passed. 2014 was difficult being awake and in pain. 2015 has been so much better. And what I'm feeling is this certainty. God's got this. I asked and He's lining up every connection I need to make things move forward with my writing. It has this special feel of ease...weightless, effortless. A big, giant trail of neon breadcrumbs. It's all so peaceful, this faith.

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❤️

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“He said to me, “Son of man, stand up on your feet and I will speak to you.” As he spoke, the Spirit came into me and raised me to my feet, and I heard him speaking to me.”

\nEzekiel 2:1-2 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-30T02:30:14-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/30/spirit.html", "tags": ["God","Insight","Control"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/12/25/away-in-a-manger.html", "title": "Away in a Manger", "content_html": "\n
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I know I've always said I won't be preachy here at The Ranch. And I'm not now. But...it's Christmas, so we're going to talk about the Christmas story today so please indulge me this moment.

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I don't know why, but this year the Christmas story has had greater impact on me than ever before. I was fortunate to hear some really good sermons this season. I'm sure that has something to do with it. But more likely, it's because I have been tuned into the Bible by adding Scripture to illustrate each post since January. That has kept me in the Word every day for nearly a year. I'm becoming better versed as to where to find what book, how to use a contemporary compendium, and how to reach a stillness inside to allow the Holy Spirit to work in me.

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To me, the Bible houses a living, powerful force. It's almost as though it is a living, breathing organism. And it speaks to me from my current level of experience. I have had people say they have read a particular verse a hundred times and then, when it's used in a different context, it becomes contemporary and speaks to them. When I am experiencing difficulties, or when I have a question, I can literally hold my question in my heart, open my Bible to any given chapter and verse, and quite often the answer is right under my fingertips. This is not only remarkable given how long ago the Bible was written, it's also delightful. It's reassuring to know we can have quite literal conversations with God. I am a scientist at heart. I need empirical evidence. When I feel, see, and hear the Holy Spirit moving in my life, that's all the evidence I need.

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But, back to the Christmas story. The Christ child was born in a stable, wrapped in what was probably not much more than rags, and placed in a manger. This is not a sterile hospital environment. This is not a place where we would be comfortable laying our own newborn to sleep. There were animals in there with them. Dirty, smelly farm animals. This was really nothing more than a place that offered some shelter from the elements. And angels came down from Heaven to proclaim the birth of the Messiah. To whom? The Priests? The Kings? The wealthy socialites? No, the angels came down to shepherds. These were not ranchers. These were not wealthy land owners tending their flocks. These were a rag tag bunch of social outcasts doing a dirty, difficult job that no one else wanted to do. These were the lowliest of manual laborers. These men weren't even allowed to stand in the synagogues. They were forced to stand out in the courtyard, if they were allowed in at all.

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So why, when for centuries the Jews were expecting the Messiah to come with trumpet blasts into the highest of their social and religious hierarchy, did God choose to send His only Son in the form of a poverty stricken, vulnerable infant, placing Him in the dirtiest of environments, then send angels to announce it to the lowliest of society? Is it any wonder the Jewish people could not accept Christ as the true Messiah? They had been living this much anticipated event over and over in their minds till it was fantastical. Have you ever planned a fabulous vacation then been bitterly disappointed when you got there and it wasn't anything like you imagined it? Well, multiply that by a zillion and you'll come close to what the populace was expecting. It sure wasn't what they got.

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As it turns out, it was so much more. The Christ child was introduced in the basest of fashions so we could relate. Who did Jesus hang out with? Who did he minister to? It was workers, and fishermen, and thieves, and prostitutes. Tax collectors and shepherds. The lame, the blind, the lepers, the demon possessed. These were the lowly ones. The simple ones. The poor ones. They were far more apt to hear His message. They needed saving. They recognized they NEEDED salvation because they had nothing. They had no wealthy benefactor looking out for them. And thus, a movement was born that ripped the world apart and opened the hearts of man. He came to live with us and offer salvation. Not in a chariot. Not with a trumpet fanfare. But with barnyard animals lowing all around him and with an unwed virgin for a mom. For me. And for you. Wow.

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So, my wishes for you this Christmas are..... That your dreams come true. That you find joy in the simplest of things this day. And...that you find Peace.

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❤️

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“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.”

\nIsaiah 9:6 NIV\n
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Photo Credit: mymerrychristmas.com

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-12-25T02:30:16-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/12/25/away-in-a-manger.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","God","Holiday"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/04/05/floating-on-air.html", "title": "Floating on Air", "content_html": "\n
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Children chasing ducks in the cool breeze. A hippie man with his Husky flashing a peace sign as I cruise by, the brilliant white flash of a smile. Joe Robinson's beat spilling out of the speakers of my pickup. A day spent with some of the coolest women on the planet. A workout at the gym. Lunch and great conversation with a friend. A long walk. A trio of trombones performing an impromptu concert in a small gazebo tucked away in a quiet corner of the park. Tiny black squirrels scampering just out of reach. New lovers, new babies, new life. Breathe.

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Yesterday was one of those days that sparkled. It seemed everywhere I went there was joy…relief that the long, dark days of winter are gone. I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for this life. I am grateful for my Savior who died for my sins.

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It's Resurrection Day. May you have a blessed Easter, dear ones.

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❤

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\"Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.\"

\nRomans 6:4\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-04-05T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/04/05/floating-on-air.html", "tags": ["God","Holiday","Be Joyful!"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/03/29/the-written-word.html", "title": "The Written Word", "content_html": "\n
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I went to a Pub Church last Sunday evening. It was described to me ahead of time as a \"Bible Study\" but I found it to be more of an open and frank discussion about different topics gleaned from the Bible. Our discussion Sunday was whether we each have a purpose individually, or was He thinking more of the collective \"we\" having a greater purpose. We discussed if, how, and when God speaks to us. God speaks to me a lot and I treasure those moments. I also understand there are skeptics out there. A psychiatrist would have a field day with you if you tell him or her that you can actually hear the Voice of God. They have diagnoses for that.

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There have been distinct moments I have actually heard an external voice that I attributed to God. One case in particular was standing in my kitchen, going through the mail. I was reading the returns on my 401k and feeling pretty smug that it was looking so good. Suddenly, I heard the Voice, loud and clear. \"Get out! Get out now!\" My immediate reaction? \"Are you kidding me? At this rate, we can retire early!\" When was this, you ask? Oh…2008…a month before the BIG collapse in the market. I didn't heed the warning and lost over half my life's savings. So, now when I hear that Voice, I listen. Most of the time, it's not the external BOOMING Voice. Usually it's that still, small voice that whispers in my gut. I keep hearing, \"Write! Write! Write!\" I keep saying, \"There's no money coming in. I need to work.\" I keep getting, \"I will provide.\" So, I am trusting and writing. I know, in my heart, I am doing what I was brought here to do. Doors open, when I least expect it. Life is good…most of the time. God is good…all of the time.

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❤

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\"When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice.”

\nJohn 10:4-5\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-03-29T01:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/03/29/the-written-word.html", "tags": ["God","Humbled","Writing"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/24/wintervention.html", "title": "Wintervention", "content_html": "\n
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One of my sweet friends sent me a text yesterday morning begging me to come in out of the cold. She was attempting a \"wintervention\". She was quite alarmed that the temperature had plummeted 20℉ since dawn two hours before. She knew that not only do I not have running water, but now my refrigerator doesn't work. How can any sane person live like this? Ummmmm. Good question.

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Am I certifiably crazy? Nope. I've BEEN crazy. This isn't it. Am I wearing a hair shirt and performing some sort of ritualistic scarification that entails facing subzero temperatures and bad food? Not even close. Ever since I read The Boxcar Children, I've fantasized about living in a boxcar and eating wild berries, sleeping the sleep of happy exhaustion from the foraging of the day. Living in a fully stocked camper with a memory foam mattress, luxury bedding, an electric blanket turned up to \"toasty\" is living the high life comparatively. Oh, yeah….it's a whale of a lot different than anything I've ever done for more than just a few days. It's challenging, but it's not necessarily dangerous. It's exciting, fun, and full of adventures. It's freedom to the nth degree.

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Paring and peeling away every layer of civilization that I am willing to give up has simplified my life to the point that I can FEEL things. I feel the seasons, the power of the earth, the flow of the river, the flight of the birds. This is an exquisite gift I have been given. I was so upset after things fell apart at the farm because it didn't work out according to MY plan. Once I finished stomping my little foot and pouting, I sat down. I shut up. And I listened. What I have heard is my own heart beating. Once I stilled my mind, I realized God was speaking loud and clear. \"Hush now. Sit here with Me and let's just be still awhile…you and Me, ok?\"

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Ok.

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❤

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Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

\nMatthew 11:28-30 ESV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/24/wintervention.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Presence","Peaceful Moments"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/02/05/premonition.html", "title": "Premonition", "content_html": "\n
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For years, I have had a recurring nightmare. It's always the same. It's about a seven second movie of a plane taking off over a city. It's flying low, banks hard to the left, hits something with its wing and crashes into water. Over and over…same thing. No info. No location. No date. Just the seven second video. The first time I had the dream it scared the bejeebers out of me. Over the years it's become a matter of course. When I turned on the news on my iPad, the video of yesterday's plane crash played out before me and before I saw more than one second of it, I knew this was the one. This was the one I have seen over and over. It was such an eerie feeling.

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Last night I was talking to a friend of mine. She told me she had such an odd dream the night before. She dreamt a plane crashed in the water and she and her daughter tried to get to the survivors in a boat but it wouldn't start. Then she saw the news and it freaked her out. I can understand that. Premonitions are not necessarily acknowledged in the Bible except as delivered by prophets. Modern psychiatry has all kinds of names to label a person who claims to \"see things\". But for those to whom it occurs, there is no doubt as to the validity of the visions. They are real.

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I had visions, premonitions if you will, for about a week before Mr. Virgo died. Three times I was awakened from a deep sleep, sat bolt upright in bed…breathing hard, heart pounding. I knew, KNEW I was going to reach to my right and find my husband cold and still. It didn't happen though. He was breathing the even, shallow breath of sleep. The day before he died, I walked by as he napped on the couch. His mouth was gaped open and a voice in my head calmly said…\"This is how he'll look when he's dead.\" I stopped in my tracks. Who WAS that? Where did it come from? The day Mr. Virgo died, we were driving to the RV dealer to pick out our travel trailer. He always wore a watch. He SLEPT in his watch. We were holding hands. He picked up my hand, looked at his bare wrist and said, \"Hmmmm…I forgot to wear my watch today.\" And that same voice in my head calmly said, \"He's going to die today.\" Where on earth did THAT come from? I have no idea, but it was very real…and he was gone three hours later.

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Premonitions. Visions. Dreams. I don't know for sure…but I think God speaks to us in a million different ways. If we can just be still and listen, we can learn so much.

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❤

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\"For God does speak—now one way, now another— though no one perceives it. In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they slumber in their beds, he may speak in their ears and terrify them with warnings, to turn them from wrongdoing and keep them from pride, to preserve them from the pit, their lives from perishing by the sword.\"

\nJob 33:14-18 NIV\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-02-05T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/02/05/premonition.html", "tags": ["Faith","New Ideas","God","Wisdom","Warning","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/21/the-fairy-cottage.html", "title": "The Fairy Cottage", "content_html": "\n
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A couple of days ago I realized my stress level was getting out of hand. When we make proclamations to do good, we are often attacked by dark forces trying to counteract and regain balance. All energy in the universe has a counterbalance…light/dark, good/evil, Heaven/Hell. My IBS symptoms were raging and my anxiety was dangerously close to being triggered. I felt like I had tears stuck in my throat all the time. I was quickly letting things spiral out of control. To regain my balance, the first thing I did was reach out my hand and ask God to hang on to me and take this all away. The second thing I did was tell all dark energy to get away from me now. Then the third thing I did was invite all things light and good to come rushing back in to fill the void left by the vanishing darkness. Seriously, what had been going on for about 12 hours completely reversed in mere moments. It was astonishing. You have to understand…some of these things are totally new to me. I've never tried that before. I was bowled over that it worked. All I had to do…quite literally…was ask, and it was done. Then, of course…I had to say a hearty thank you!

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It is no surprise to you that I have been upset with my aunt these last few weeks. My whole world was turned upside down for me to come here to help her. If I would have known it would have lasted only 10 weeks, I never would have moved everything here. I never would have spent that money to move things here. I may not have bought such a big trailer. I don't know. But things would certainly have looked different right now. It's not those things that had me upset, however. It was something else entirely.

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In the late '70s, I read a book called Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain. I started practicing this as a tool to combat a moderately severe anxiety disorder. In my meditations, the house out on the farm became my safe place…my happy place. In my anger and pain over things not working out the way I had the script written, I decided that my aunt had ruined my visualization. She \"took it away from me\" and I was mad. As you know, anger is the poison you take hoping it makes the other person sick. It just doesn't work that way. So I decided I needed to change my focus and walk toward the light.

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I sat down and meditated. Mentally I created a large spool of silk strands of love and light that I could wrap all around my aunt so none of her negativity could escape. Then I built her a beautiful cottage, with every amenity she could possibly need. I packed every corner, floor to ceiling with smiles and laughter. I placed it over on the other side of the creek, away from the house, and I \"carried\" my aunt over there and put her inside. Then I made the water magic so no negative thing could ever cross back over to the house. My happy place, my safety zone was intact once more. Voila! My very-way-cool friend Vicky offered this insight…..This whole mess has very little to do with me, and everything to do with where my aunt is in HER life.

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The mind is a powerful thing. Prayer is a powerful thing. God coming to settle you down and displace the worries in your life? Man, that's an amazing thing…the MOST powerful thing. It is the cake. Everything else is just icing.

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❤

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Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

\nPhilippians 4:7\n
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(Image from Pinterest)

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-21T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/21/the-fairy-cottage.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Fear","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/19/a-message-from-god.html", "title": "A Message From God", "content_html": "\n
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I was sitting in church yesterday morning, coffee in hand, reading the bulletin. I came across an item asking for people to give a 3-5 minute testimony during the halftimes of an all day basketball tournament at the local Christian school. Now, lately I have been feeling a call to speak, as evidenced by our recent talk about Victorian salons. But there's no way I could EVER talk for just 3-5 minutes about ANYTHING! No, this feeling was coming on strong in just the first few minutes of church and it had a deeper dynamic to it I couldn't quite put my finger on. The sermon was wonderful. The subject was being grateful for the Blessings we are given. Being BOLDLY grateful…out loud. To give credit where credit is due. To thank God openly.

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I have always been mindful in my writing that, even though I consider it to be faith based, I don't want to come across as \"preachy\" since that was a major turn-off for me growing up. If I were to influence someone, I would prefer it be through example. More to the point, I just didn't want to offend anyone who does not share my beliefs or make them feel I am in any way judgmental if you don't… because I certainly am not. But that takes me back to the ten lepers…only one of whom came back to properly thank God for curing his leprosy. It was through being grateful, and expressing it, that he was healed.

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Many of you have told me, if I attached a scripture to my writings, it would be your daily devotional. The message I kept getting in church yesterday was \"Tell them. Tell them who gives you all your Blessings. Give them a verse…just a verse. You don't have to \"preach\"…just give your readers a verse that you read that offered you comfort or insight. Just tell them!\" This voice was getting pretty insistent, ok? And right then, my phone vibrated. It was sitting face up in my purse and I instinctively glanced down. It was a message from a friend and I knew he was in church at the time. What on earth could he be sending me during church? It was SO unlike him.

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\"You cannot run from God's love.\"

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Whoa! Six words. Right there on the iPhone screen. A text from God…via a friend in Florida. Now, if I wear my underwear outside my clothes in Walmart and walk around talking to myself and tell you God speaks to me through my television set…THAT'S crazy. But when you're sitting in church contemplating whether you should talk about God more in your blog, and your friend suddenly feels compelled to pick up his phone and text you something that just \"popped in his head\"…THAT'S a message one cannot ignore. So, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to start adding a scripture at the bottom of each post. Something that supports or illustrates the subject. I'm not going to be quite so afraid to share with you when God moves me to. I'm not going to tap dance and pretend to be anything I am not. I'm NOT going to preach at you. I'll understand if it's not your cup of tea and you want to bail on me…no hard feelings. I love all of you…no matter what. It's just something I feel I need to do…for me…for God. Because, He has Blessed me way above and beyond anything I deserve. Truly. It is my time to speak.

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❤

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A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

\nEcclesiastes 3:7\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-19T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/19/a-message-from-god.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Positive Energy","New Ideas","God","Wisdom"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2015/01/12/time-of-reflection.html", "title": "Time of Reflection", "content_html": "\n
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I love Sunday. I get to go to Church. I didn't always go. As a matter of fact, I was a good Jewish wife and mother for 27 years. I was frightened out of believing when I was a very young child. I followed the \"Church of Ginny\" for a number of years until I had a roommate who was Jewish. I started following the holidays and traditions because I loved the sense of family it gave me. I loved God. But I had a fear of Jesus after that scary preacher yelled at me and told me I was going to go to hell. I was six. So, with Judaism, I could have a relationship with God and leave it at that.

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I met and married a nice Jewish man. We had a nice Jewish house and celebrated all the Jewish holidays. But there was something missing. I had an emptiness inside that I couldn't fill with anything…no matter how hard I tried. Finally, five years after my divorce from this still nice Jewish man…I found Jesus. And my world literally was recreated. I was recreated. I changed instantly. I found my happy place.

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I've been Church hunting since I came to West Virginia. I have attended the church of my youth…my grandparent's little country church. I visited a Baptist church with a praise team which was decidedly more contemporary than anything else around here but still pretty tame compared to the throw-your-hands-up-in-the-air kind of worship I have become accustomed to in the churches I attend in Colorado. I visited a lovely Methodist church with friends and saw some classmates there. And the past two Sundays, I attended services at a beautiful Methodist church in the historic district. My mom's cousin is the associate Pastor there and she invited me to come hear her sermon.

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Yesterday was the Sunday celebrating the Baptism of Christ. Having grown up in a little country church and after attending contemporary churches, I felt a bit like a fish out of water. There are more rituals in the Methodist church than I remember. It was a lovely service, however. I sat and smiled as I watched and listened to my cousin speak about the \"Something More\" we are always seeking. I smiled because I remember her as a very young mother attending the little white church on the hill and now here she was in black robes, standing in the pulpit, delivering a sermon in a big stone church with stained glass windows. We both had humble beginnings. We both are widows. We share genes. We share a love for God.

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Toward the end of the service, we were invited to come forward to the baptismal font to have the sign of the cross placed on our foreheads with water from the Jordan River, the river in which Jesus was baptized by his cousin John. My cousin, Sue, did the honors. It was a lovely experience for me. I knelt before the pulpit for a bit…without thought of what I would say to God. Instead of many words, I merely felt the warmth of the moment…smiled…and whispered \"Thank You.\" Sometimes just that is the greatest of prayers.

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❤

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Painting is entitled \"Baptism of the Lord\" by Guido Reni

\n\n", "date_published": "2015-01-12T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2015/01/12/time-of-reflection.html", "tags": ["Faith","Uplifting Stories","Prayer","Grace","God","Peace","Wisdom","Widow"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/24/prayer-works.html", "title": "Prayer Works!", "content_html": "\n
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A couple of weeks ago I asked you to lift up one of our own Marshmallow Ranchers in prayer. Gloria has a large mass, presumably ovarian cancer, and she is having a total hysterectomy this morning. There are issues with her blood clotting too easily as well. Please lift her up again today….that the mass is isolated, that they get clean margins, that there is no lymph node involvement, that the surgeon's hands are skilled and his/her mind is fresh, that she get through this quickly and as painlessly as possible, and that her family have the strength to get through this and support her with their love. If you are not a prayerful person, that's fine…send her some love, light, and good healing energy and thoughts. Any time we concentrate and lift up another, we raise the vibration of the world and that is good juju all the way around.

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We love you, Gloria….be well! <3

\n\n", "date_published": "2014-11-24T02:30:00-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/24/prayer-works.html", "tags": ["Faith","Prayer","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/13/just-beneath.html", "title": "Just Beneath", "content_html": "

\"stapled “The grief switch is just beneath the surface.”

\n

The switch is just beneath the surface. Say the wrong thing…hear the wrong song…and it doesn’t matter where you are, the tears can come unbidden. The other night my friend and I were chatting and got a little too close to her switch. She had to excuse herself. I felt bad because it was during our conversation, but it wasn’t my fault. It’s nobody’s fault when the tears of grief come. They just come. They are as easily triggered by a dog food commercial as they are by finding a love letter. There’s no rhyme or reason. And it doesn’t matter where you are either. Tears come in the shower, driving, seeing a sunset, or….walking down an aisle at the hardware store. The hardware store? Yes.

\n

I was walking through Lowe’s on Veteran’s Day. The music playing was patriotic. John Philip Sousa marches. Hail to the Chief. Military songs. Peppy. Patriotic feel-good music. Then…Taps. Mr. Virgo was a veteran and they played Taps and there was a gun salute at his funeral. When the handsome young soldier knelt before me and handed me the flag from Mr. Virgo’s coffin and thanked me “On behalf of the President…” I was a puddle. I ducked in the power tool aisle, hoping no one would see me crying in Lowe’s. The next song floored me. In the middle of all these patriotic songs, “Fields of Gold” came on the PA. And not Sting’s version. It was Eva Cassidy. When Mr. Virgo and I were first dating, I burned a CD of some beautiful love songs and played them when he would come to my place for dinner. We later referred to that CD as our “falling in love soundtrack”. This version of “Fields of Gold” was on that CD. My heart overflowed as much as my eyes did. He still sends me messages. He still lets me know he’s with me. And I thank him and let him know I’m fine…really. It was just that switch, just beneath the surface, got flipped a little. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-11-13T02:30:12-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/13/just-beneath.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Grace","Love","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/09/god-moments.html", "title": "God Moments", "content_html": "

\"god “God Moments”

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Something happens. A moment out of the ordinary. The moment when you know in your gut that what just happened had God written all over it. This is part of what I was talking about the other day when we discussed listening to your heart. When you are in tune…aligned with the energies of your Higher Power…you will notice more and more God moments. I had just such a moment yesterday and it was amazing.

\n

I had stayed overnight with one cousin and met up with another cousin yesterday morning. We headed out for a day of craft fairs, lunch out at a little bistro, and finally dinner out with some of their friends. The first show was full of vendors from Origami Owl to Avon, Thirty-One to Tupperware. Suzy introduced me to a number of her friends since she lives in the area. The Thirty-One booth was back in the corner. If you aren’t familiar with Thirty-One, they are a faith-based company that sells canvas bags, pouches, purses and organizers. I was immediately drawn to the young lady running her booth, and her business, with a light hearted style that was so engaging. She and I clicked in an instant. Suzy told her about my recent journey across the country pulling my camper. Jen admired the fact that I did this alone and revealed her own interest in renovating trailers. I told her about Sisters on the Fly. Turns out she lives in the same county as me. Coincidence #2? I told her about losing Mr. Virgo.

\n

Jen choked up and asked, “Do you mind me asking how old you are?”

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“I’ll be 62 in June.”

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She started crying and told me that she was going to a memorial service in a few hours for the only friend she had ever had that was older than her. Her friend was 62. I wrapped her in my arms and said, “Come here, baby girl. I’m going to be your friend.”

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We both need friends. God put us right where we needed to be so we could meet. This happens over and over to me. Far too often to be a mere coincidence. I love these God moments. And Jen, I’m looking forward to getting to know you better and talking trailer renovation. \"\"

\n", "date_published": "2014-11-09T02:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/09/god-moments.html", "tags": ["Faith","Gratitude","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/11/04/that-still-small-voice.html", "title": "That Still, Small Voice", "content_html": "

\"listen “Listen with your heart.”

\n

You’ve heard it. If not…you’ve felt it. That still, small voice that guides you. That gut instinct that cautions you. That “sixth sense”, “intuition”, “inner compass” that we all have. Listening to that Voice with my heart is a skill I crave to learn. All too often, I look back and recall hearing, but not heeding, the directions that were subtly handed down. For me, it is the Holy Spirit guiding me. And I’m stubborn. I want to do it my way. I don’t like to be “told what to do.”

\n

There are times that I can recall where it wasn’t just a gut instinct, a “feeling” I shouldn’t do something. I recall on those occasions hearing a voice…actually HEARING it, as if someone were standing right next to me. It made me jump. It was disconcerting, to say the least. I mean, we aren’t supposed to be hearing voices. But I heard it, nonetheless.

\n

Once was when Hubby #2 was in medical school. We had been arguing about something. Med school is stressful and we argued. Too much. I was sitting on the edge of our bed, crying, when a voice very clearly said to me, “Don’t worry…you’ll be happy when you’re 52.” Excuse me? Who said that? And what do you mean “when you’re 52”? I’m 30!!! Besides, I wasn’t necessarily UNhappy. At least, not that I was aware of at the time. Interestingly, I met (and fell madly in love with) Mr. Virgo when I was…52. Hmmmmm.

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Another time was when I was a smoker. I was going to sleep one night and clearly heard a voice say “You have to quit. And I mean right now. Not one more.” I would love to say I listened then but nicotine addiction is more powerful than heroin, so I have heard. But I did eventually so I hope it wasn’t too late.

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Once I was looking at my retirement account and was very pleased by the return that month when the same darned voice said “Get out. Now!” “Oh, no…..I did NOT just hear that! This was the best month EVER!” Yeah. You remember when the market crashed in ‘08? Uh-huh. Didn’t listen then either. Darn it.

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So what does this Voice have to do to get our attention? Would I have listened if perhaps I had heard a fanfare of trumpets? Was I waiting for a neon sign perhaps? Maybe a peppy rendition of “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”? How about a clap of thunder and a booming voice? I don’t think that’s how God works. When a child is having a temper tantrum or not hearing you, does raising your voice help? No. What usually works is squatting down at eye level and whispering. It throws them off guard. They have to strain to hear so they get quiet themselves. I think God whispers to us because we are so darned loud, so busy with whatever we are enamored with at the moment. He wants us to shut up and listen. He wants us to sit and be still and hear what He’s trying to say. Because He’s saying a lot. He’s talking to us all the time.

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The sweetest sound in the world is…the Voice of God. Even if you call that Voice your “woman’s intuition”, learn to be still and really hear it. Listen with your heart.

\n", "date_published": "2014-11-04T02:30:57-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/11/04/that-still-small-voice.html", "tags": ["Faith","Hope","Grace","God","Courage","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/02/oh-how-times-change.html", "title": "Oh, How Times Change", "content_html": "

\"photo\" “Commemorative Photo of 40”

\n

Ok, who had a boudoir photo taken? They were all the rage in the ’90s. I had to have one! Partially because I’m such an….ummm, extrovert! But also because at any given moment, we are the youngest we will ever be. This was taken when I was turning 40. I wanted to memorialize that static moment in my life when everything was perfect. My marriage, my family. My body, my hair. I was in the best shape of my life. My little girl was 4. My big girl was 20. I remember lovely afternoons stitching with my girlfriends, not a care in the world. Planning dinner parties was a monumentous occasion. This was before the ravages of depression and Prozac took away my youth. My ex-husband kept this photo on the wall in his office. It was the Camelot years.

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Then everything changed. I had three major surgeries in less than two years. I didn’t bounce back well. I started down the rabbit hole of depression and didn’t come back for ten years. When I got back, life had gone on without me and my marriage was over. My ex had taken this picture down and put it in a drawer in his desk. I didn’t look like that beautiful woman anymore. I didn’t bathe or get my hair done. I gained a hundred pounds. I lived in shorts and an oversized t-shirt without a bra. Those were the Prozac years. I don’t remember my forties.

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The story has a happy ending though. I turned my life around after my ex and I separated. I found my Prince Charming and married him. I had such a beautiful life. That was my fifties. Those were my passionate years.

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And now, here I am at the opening credits of a new movie. A new decade. A new era. I am very much at peace. Sure, I suffered a blow. My world literally changed in a heartbeat…or the lack thereof, actually. But I refuse to wear widowhood like sackcloth and ashes. I will not make grief a career path. These are my halcyon years.

\n

I look at this picture and as far as I’m concerned, I still look like this. Ok, my hair is gray (and not permed). Parts of my anatomy have headed south. Things aren’t as tight as they once were. I like to think my inner beauty was so great, it fought to get out and my skin expanded to accommodate all that lusciousness! Look at that picture again. That’s who I am inside. Beautiful. Sultry. Young. Wow!

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-02T01:30:45-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/02/oh-how-times-change.html", "tags": ["Family","Gratitude","Grace","God","Fear","Forgiveness","Aging","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/09/01/happy-labor-day.html", "title": "Happy Labor Day!", "content_html": "

\"september “Hello, September!”

\n

I love it when you get the opportunity to correct something right away. I was at church yesterday talking to one of the greeters. I told her how the initial contract fell through and she asked me what happened. I was just about to say something uncomplimentary about the people who walked away from the contract when I turned around and there they were! I had invited them to come since they were just returning to the area after being away for awhile. So, what did I do? I told my friend…“Don’t you just hate it when you want to be bad, but you have to be good?” I excused myself, went up to the couple, welcomed them to New Hope, gave her a warm hug, and told her I really hope they find the perfect house for them. She said she was worried for me because she knew I was in a hurry to get out. I told her there wasn’t a problem because the house was under contract less than 24 hours afterwards. I told her I held no ill will and wish them the very best. And so…there it is. An opportunity taken and it felt good.

\n

I sold my bedroom set, the breakfast table and chairs, and the TV console to my neighbor today. So glad they will have them to enjoy. I also sold the baker’s rack. The gal texted me after she got it home and said it doesn’t fit the space and did I want it back. I told her no so she put it on one of the local swap sites here on FB for $25 more than she paid me for it! Entrepreneurial spirit right there! lol

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I had a beautiful day yesterday. After church, I worked on some boxes, played with my neighbor’s dogs, watered my friend’s plants for him, took a short power nap, and met a friend for dinner. I signed up to go with Sisters on the Fly​ next weekend for a fun camping weekend. Can’t wait…I need a break from packing but more importantly, I’ll get to see my babies! I’m planning a combination Going Away and dual birthday party on the 13th so that will be fun. My sister-in-law is coming from out of state, too. Life is good!

\n

I slept in the house night before last. I didn’t like it. I tried again last night and ended up going out to my trailer at 2:00am. It’s not because of any stirring up of memories or anything bad. I’ve just become so accustomed to sleeping as close to “outside” as I can get without actually sleeping in the open. I love the coziness of TOW-Wanda. The bed is THE most comfortable one I have ever had. I love the window right over my head. I have always been a terribly light sleeper. My doctors put me on a non-narcotic, non-addictive sleep aid years ago. I slept with ear plugs because I could hear a fly dying on the windowsill on the other side of the house. In the last few weeks I have seen a profound change. When I was in WV, I took my sleep aid and popped in my earplugs the first night and almost had a panic attack. What would I do if my aunt needed me and I didn’t hear her or didn’t wake up? So I stopped both. It took three or four nights to get used to it and all of a sudden, I started sleeping better than I can remember. I still have a night here and there where I have trouble getting to sleep but it’s a vast improvement. This is the calm water. This is the time that I cherish. That time between the waves of grief. The waves are farther apart and are often less intense. Feeling the healing…it’s a beautiful thing. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-09-01T01:30:21-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/09/01/happy-labor-day.html", "tags": ["Grace","God","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/08/11/anchors.html", "title": "Anchors", "content_html": "

\"anchors “Anchors”

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While the house was being shown on Saturday, I drove into town for a Starbucks fix. Afterwards, I drove by my ex-husband’s house to see if they were home. I don’t usually drop by unannounced but felt compelled this time. I wanted to share with them what my plans are in WV and spend some time catching up.

\n

There was a time when ours was very much a love/hate relationship. Or, probably more precisely, a love/anger relationship. As with any divorce, there was a lot of this finger-pointing, he said/she said stuff going on for the first few years. Then we both remarried and a sort of truce was reached. We went to the same events without killing each other. We spoke on the phone when necessary without diving back into the dirt. We made progress, slowly but surely, but I wouldn’t necessarily say we were “friends”. Then Mr. Virgo died, and it showed us all just how fragile this thing is. This life that we think will always be there and that there’s time down the road to mend your fences. In essence, my ex and his wife were there for me whenever I needed them, for whatever reason. Several months after Mr. Virgo’s death, we decided to have family holiday dinners together so the kids didn’t have to choose which place to go to first. After Thanksgiving, he and I had a few moments by ourselves and he told me it was ironic that it took a family tragedy to make us realize that we are just that. Family. Non-traditional, eccentric, mixed faith, loving, supportive…with common goals. Health and happiness.

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I spent an hour and a half on their front porch, drinking coffee, sharing stories, sharing the love only a family bond can give you. This was a long time coming, this peace. It took a lot of hard work on all of our parts and I am so proud of us. They are anchors in my life.

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My prayer during those dark years was always “God, please heal my family.” And, like the loving God He is…He did. <3

\n", "date_published": "2014-08-11T01:30:19-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/08/11/anchors.html", "tags": ["Family","Uplifting Stories","Overcoming Obstacles","Prayer","Growth","Grace","God","Wisdom","Forgiveness","Aging","Choices","Change"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/07/09/update-on-the-house.html", "title": "Update on the House", "content_html": "

\"flowers “My lovely front porch.”

\n

The house is showing well. People love it. They love the location and the private back yard. The price is no longer a problem. So, why isn’t there an offer yet? Because it doesn’t have air conditioning. Really? It’s Colorado…you only really need AC for about 3.5 hours in July. Except this year. We seem to be unseasonably warm this year. I spent the afternoon strategically placing fans in windows, turning on the ceiling fans, and I have a guy coming over this evening to put the big window AC unit back in the dining room. That ought to make a difference. I’ve also been changing out light bulbs because so many of the lights have to be on for showings. I don’t have a halogen light for the entryway so I’m heading to the store in a bit to get one. Also, I want to refill the air fresheners and put fresh flowers on the dining room table. The flowers on the front porch are divine!

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AND, the house is being shown today so send up some prayers that this will be the one!!!

\n", "date_published": "2014-07-09T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/07/09/update-on-the-house.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Grief","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/09/quiet.html", "title": "Quiet", "content_html": "

\"horse “Quiet”

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One thing I now have much more control over as a widow is noise. I am very selective about what I listen to these days. Driving is still much more fun for me while listening to my iTunes playlists. I sort them into fun mixes just like we used to do with mixed tapes. Country, Road Trip, Christian, Classical. I have a playlist for every mood. When we were in Ouray this weekend Sue played “Girls Chase Boys” by Ingrid Michaelson and I kept playing it over and over yesterday when I drove to Denver and back. Sometimes a song catches me and won’t let go!

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There are times when I just want peace and quiet. I rarely have TV on anymore. When I hear it for more than 15 minutes or so, I usually get really agitated…unless it’s a show I like. The Voice is one of my favorites. I bought an Apple TV unit yesterday. My daughter has it and says it has saved them a ton of money. Hey, my bottom line is this…$99 is a small price to pay to see Blake Shelton on the big screen! Am I right???

\n", "date_published": "2014-04-09T01:30:35-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/09/quiet.html", "tags": ["Grief","Growth","Comfort","Grace","God","Peace"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/04/07/simplicity.html", "title": "Simplicity", "content_html": "

\"ram “We’re all just walking each other home.” Ram Dass

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Long stretches of silence brings us closer to the source. For me, that source is God and I find His peace deep within. My latest trip brought me into close communion with my source as well as a deep reconnection with nature. I could feel the rhythms of the earth. I heard the wind as it rocked my trailer. I smelled the rain in the air. I felt the chill of snow on my back as I lay in the hot springs whose very source is from deep within our planet. My breathing became regular and easy. My sleep was deep and dreamless. My pulse slowed and my mind became quiet. Life became very simple. Good coffee. Writing. Reading. Walking. Visiting with like minded spirits. Yoga. Stretching. Napping. Vegetarian dishes served with intention and love. Meditation. Prayer. Peace.

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We really are one. We are all in this together. What we do on a daily basis has profound impact on the world around us and that ripples out further and further. We get so busy and feel so small and ineffectual. One. One small thing. One small act of kindness. One small gesture of compassion. Can you imagine if every single person, every single day, did one small thing to raise the consciousness of our planet what a difference that would make in the world? Can you imagine if every person in the world said one small prayer every day in their own way of praying what a powerful thing that is?

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We must walk each other home.

\n", "date_published": "2014-04-07T01:30:52-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/04/07/simplicity.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/30/the-traveler.html", "title": "The Traveler", "content_html": "

\"traveler “The Traveler”

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I arrived in Durango Friday afternoon and took my friend Sue’s yoga class. Man, I am so out of shape but it was fun. We visited and I met one of her friends when we stopped for tea afterwards. By the time we were done, it was getting late so we stayed at a place she is house sitting for. I slept in TOW-Wanda at the curb. I’ve become accustomed to my own bed and every time I sleep in her, the price per night goes down! ;-)

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Sue and I had tea yesterday morning and did a yoga practice before heading out to her house. I got the trailer all set up then four of us headed to Hovenweep National Monument. We did a beautiful hike around the cliffs and Ancient Puebloan (formerly referred to as Anasazi) ruins. A little picnic out on a rock at the edge of the canyon was delightful. We came home and Sue fixed a wonderful vegetarian dinner and I excused myself early to go out to the trailer and make a few phone calls, read, and hit the hay. Exercise, sunshine, and fresh air leading to a great night’s sleep in the desert. What a fun, fun day!

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(Photo taken at Hovenweep.)

\n", "date_published": "2014-03-30T01:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/30/the-traveler.html", "tags": ["Colorado","Travel","Uplifting Stories","Grief","Overcoming Obstacles","TOW-Wanda!","Camping","Fun","Growth","goRVing","God","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/03/10/my-journey.html", "title": "My Journey", "content_html": "

\"journey “My Journey”

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This has been a life changing year. The life I had planned, the one that included growing old with Mr. Virgo, ended abruptly a year ago this Wednesday. I sat in limbo, somewhere between then and now, in a fog of pain and self-doubt but filled with the determination that not only would I survive this challenge, I would thrive. There have been ups and downs, ins and outs, feelings of cowardice and courage. By the Grace of God…here I am. Open, filled with a joyful spirit, and ever, EVER grateful for all that I have. My life is abundant. I wrote this yesterday to post this morning. I already have Tuesday and Wednesday’s messages scheduled to post because today I am retreating with TOW-Wanda for a couple of days. I need to be alone with my thoughts and my memories. I need to just BE. I’ll be back Wednesday and will tell you all about it in Thursday’s post. That will be the first day of the rest of my life. I’m good. Don’t worry. I just want to be alone for a bit.

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Love you all so much!

\n

<3 Ginny

\n", "date_published": "2014-03-10T01:30:22-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/03/10/my-journey.html", "tags": ["Faith","Grief","Growth","Gratitude","Grace","God","Courage"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/02/10/heaven.html", "title": "Heaven", "content_html": "

\"view “Mr. Virgo’s Idea of Heaven”

\n

Mr. Virgo lived his life. He had stories that were so entertaining, I would often ask him to tell me over and over. I marveled at the places he went, the people he met, the things he did. He lived his life, but he also questioned what was coming next. He was a Christian, so he knew he was going to Heaven. But, what does Heaven look like? Is it some ethereal thing with streets paved in gold? Is it like earth, only different? Is it whatever you want it to be? There are those who claim to have been there during near-death experiences and I’m not sure I have read any two accounts that match exactly. Mr. Virgo and I used to talk about it. We would theorize, debate, quote, read, watch movies and discuss just what we felt it would be like. His view of Heaven was very simple. It was this picture, taken at an overlook near Pagosa Springs, Colorado. Whenever we would stop here on our way down from the mountains, he would just stare out at this vista and sigh. This was perfection. He would have a log cabin. He would be a mountain man, hunting and trapping and gathering food. He would chop his own wood and carry water from a pristine stream. He would fish and bake biscuits in a Dutch oven. He would sit on the front porch in the evening in a rocking chair he built himself. He would whittle and listen to the evening birds as they swooped to catch the mayflies. And he would visit with God. He pictured God sitting on that front porch with him every evening, discussing the great mysteries of life. He would see his family again. He would meet Lincoln, and JFK, and Mother Theresa. He would rest. He was most looking forward to seeing Jesus. He wanted to ask him every question there was to ask.

\n

I like to look at this picture and imagine him doing all those things he said he would do in Heaven. I like to picture him with Jesus. It gives me peace.

\n", "date_published": "2014-02-10T02:30:15-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/02/10/heaven.html", "tags": ["Faith","Family","Gratitude","Comfort","Grace","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/01/28/losing-focus.html", "title": "Losing Focus", "content_html": "

\"daylight “Losing Focus”

\n

Sometimes it seems there are more things that need doing than there is time to do them. I’m finding myself in that position as I try to purge my house of clutter and projects I will never in ten lifetimes get to. I need to lighten my load so that I can move forward with getting housemates to make this place pay for itself.

\n

When I set my studio up a year ago, everything was in its proper place, all neat and tidy and ready at any moment when the creative urge struck me. When Mr. Virgo died, a lot of stuff got thrown into the studio to make room for the company who came to stay with me those first few days. Then I spent the majority of the next few months away traveling in TOW-Wanda. I told myself I would settle down after the first of the year and really get things cleaned out. Now, here it is, the end of January and I’m sitting in my studio, praying for direction. I called a friend and discussed a strategy and we conversed over the speaker phone for an hour while I got started. Once you get moving, it’s easier to keep moving. Thank God for good friends!

\n

As I sorted and threw things away, I came across an ancient stationery box filled with little mementoes of my father’s and I sat down to go through it. He and I did not have a good relationship. He was a psychologically abusive alcoholic when I was growing up. He and my mother finally divorced when I was 21, and he moved back to the town he was raised in. He stopped drinking and became a Christian and everyone who knew him in his new life thought he was wonderful. They told me at his funeral what a gentle and caring man he was. How he volunteered and was an upstanding member of the church he and his second wife attended. This only served to make me more angry with him. I had tried all of my life to have a relationship with him and even though he had allegedly “changed”, his modus operandi with me was the same as it had always been…blame and shame. It only served to make me feel worse about myself and I finally had to stop beating my head against the wall. I had to let it go. I had to realize he was never going to be the dad that I had wanted, that I had deserved.

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So, now I sit here at my desk with the only items I inherited from my father. An ancient stationery box, tied closed with a tattered brown shoestring. Inside is a cracked leather wallet containing nothing but a swim certification card and an ID card from 1942. There is a medal from World War II and some patches from his Army Air Corps uniform. A handful of shells from New Guinea. A tiny memory book from his Junior-Senior Banquet, corners crumbling, faded names of long dead friends written in pencil. A program for the Mackay Trotting Club Races with the bets in pounds instead of dollars. His high school diploma. A letter from the one woman he ever truly loved…not my mother…the woman who broke his heart and led him to settle for the next best thing in his eyes which, unfortunately, WAS my mother. His birth certificate and Notice of Certification for the military. A picture from the newspaper when he won a fiberglass fishing rod and reel the year I was born. The birth announcement from my second child. A postcard with a picture of the nursing home in which he eventually died after Alzheimer’s ravaged his mind.

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Along with some snapshots, and an old sweatshirt his wife gave me, this is all I have of my father. This and the memories. The Christmas Eves when mom piled us in the car to hunt him down at some bar and bring him home. The time he knocked me off the piano bench then sat on the bottom step and cried. The time he brought a loaded gun to the kitchen when I was ten and begged my mother to kill him. But, if I sit really quietly, I can remember when he bounced us on his knee during the opening music of Bonanza, sending us reeling on imaginary galloping steeds. The time he took me fishing. The time he chased the neighbor boy off for peeking in the window at me, ready to defend my honor if need be. The time he taught me to change a tire and get out of a snowbank before he would let me get my driver’s license. The time he talked me through the steps of building my first birdhouse. I still have that birdhouse on my front porch.

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Yes, there are hurts in our lives that we can never forget. But the ticket to freedom from the past lies in forgiveness. In letting go. In releasing him from the awesome, unfulfillable responsibility of my happiness. Thus letting that little girl, who still lives inside me, hold out her hands and release her death grip on the dove she has held to her breast for far too long…releasing it to fly ever upward. And in so doing, has bought her own freedom.

\n", "date_published": "2014-01-28T02:30:56-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/01/28/losing-focus.html", "tags": ["Grace","God","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/01/28/what-god-sees.html", "title": "What God Sees", "content_html": "

\"Girls “Girls at Camp”

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There are so many things in life that we are uncomfortable talking about. Death is obvious, and I make it a point to discuss the subject openly and honestly as it affects me personally. Yet, I believe one of the most difficult topics to discuss openly is abuse…physical, emotional, sexual. It is just as uncomfortable to talk about today as it was 50 years ago even though great strides have been made to bring it to light. I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse, on more than one occasion, by more than one person. The memories didn’t fully surface until my own daughters were the ages I was when my abuse occurred. I sought professional help to work through what had happened to me and how it affected my self-perception. When I started seeing a grief counsellor in October, we did a session of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to rid me of a traumatic image of Mr. Virgo that kept resurfacing. Once that was relieved, I asked if EMDR works on traumatic memories from childhood and I was assured that it can. I scheduled a second session and prepared myself to relive the trauma of my abuse all over again in my mind.

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EMDR consists of holding the traumatic image in your mind and watching either the therapists’ back and forth hand motion or moving lights, revealing any new or changed images, then holding onto that new image while the process is repeated. After about the third round, I noticed that the “bad boy” was no longer with me in the image of the garage. Instead, I was standing in a pool of light, alone. It was a relief. What happened next though was astonishing. My next vision was of a massive figure…tall, made of light, powerful…holding a sword in one hand and pointing toward the darkness with the other. She was fierce, her face twisted with the anger of a mama grizzly protecting her young. I knew in an instant she was my Guardian Angel. I felt she had been with me all of my life, even in the ER when Mr. Virgo died. I felt comforted, yet again, knowing in truth that we are never alone, no matter how isolated we feel as we travel along our path.

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My grief counsellor is faith based which also gives me great comfort. After the EMDR session was complete, she asked if I would be interested in doing a SOZO prayer with her. The SOZO Ministry is a “unique inner healing and deliverance ministry aimed to get to the root of things hindering your personal connection with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. With a healed connection, you can walk in the destiny to which you have been called.” I’m all about praying so I agreed to try. She said a prayer and had me repeat it. I have no recollection of what was said. She asked a question and I answered. Can’t recall that one either. Then she asked me to repeat after her, “God, how do You see me?” Oh, my gosh! I was immediately shown an image as if it was happening right there in the room. What I saw was myself, as a little girl, in a white dress, barefoot in the dusty dirt of a summer’s day. I was standing beneath the huge oak tree near the garage where I had been molested and I was spinning and dancing, looking up at the sky between the branches, the sun dappled on my tanned arms and legs. I was laughing at something beyond my vision. I was free, pure, delightful, untouched. I was innocent and unselfconscious. I was…AM…all of those things in God’s eyes. I had liberated myself years ago from the chains of self-loathing I had strapped on without realizing the root of my pain was in how I perceived myself, not in how I really am. But this was a remarkable image of the way God actually sees me.

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My uncle once told me, whenever you feel you are indispensable or important in the world, just stick your hand in a bucket of water, pull it back out, then look to see what kind of impression you made. I told a dear friend about this “lesson” in life and he stunned me. He said, “Ginny, when you stick your hand in a bucket of water, the water level rises. And when you remove your hand, not only does the water level drop, there is actually less water in the bucket than before.” What a beautiful way to look at your place in the world. You deserve to be here. You are important. You are what GOD sees, not what YOU…or anyone…else sees.

\n", "date_published": "2014-01-28T02:30:50-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/01/28/what-god-sees.html", "tags": ["Faith","God","Forgiveness"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2014/01/27/faith.html", "title": "Faith", "content_html": "

\"faith “Faith. It doesn’t make things easy. It makes things possible.”

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I spoke with a dear friend tonight. Her mother has been given three months to live. Theirs was a difficult relationship yet, of the five siblings, she is the one attending to her mother’s needs. We discussed how difficult this situation is yet she says she has never been more at peace. It’s like a flow of energy she’s being carried on. I totally understand this. I feel it every day. I think this is what people see “on” me when they tell me I look peaceful, radiant. It’s that flow of energy.

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It reminds me of a story. A friend was kayaking down a rough stretch of river. He came to some Class III and IV rapids and it had rained the night before so things were pretty rough. He was, quite literally, over his head as far as skill level was concerned. He came to a particularly rough rapid, a waterfall really, and realized he was going to hit it sideways, which was a recipe for certain disaster as the water was also freezing. He paddled and kept trying to turn his nose downstream but his tail kept getting swept that way. Suddenly, he realized the current didn’t care which point of the kayak went downstream and he just relaxed and went with the flow. He had to let go, and faith carried him through. It wasn’t easy…but it was possible.

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Sometimes we are asked to do that one thing we really don’t want to do. The parable of the man who couldn’t give up his possessions when Jesus asked him to follow him comes to mind. He would have been so richly rewarded. The Gates of Heaven would have opened up on him had he only had faith.

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Maybe we shouldn’t fight so hard to get where we think God wants us to go. Maybe it’s like dancing and we need to learn how to follow and not try to lead all the time. Faith is walking to the edge of all that you have…and taking another step.

\n", "date_published": "2014-01-27T02:30:42-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2014/01/27/faith.html", "tags": ["Faith","Growth","God"] }, { "id": "http://mashmallowranch.micro.blog/2013/09/15/western-colorado-sunset.html", "title": "Western Colorado Sunset", "content_html": "

\"western “Western Colorado Sunset”

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I love “God moments.” When I get out of my car on Sunday mornings, I say a prayer between the parking lot and the door. It’s always the same. “Lord, please open my eyes and my ears, my heart, and my mind to Your Word. Let me learn from You and use that Knowledge in the coming week. Amen”

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I haven’t been as involved with my church as I would like. Also, I’ve noticed the members don’t really go around and meet each other like they should. At the meet-and-greet coffee break, folks usually go visit with those they know. As I was heading in this morning, I got this very clear picture. I need to be a greeter! I’m a cheerleader. I’m a hugger. I’m happy and bubbly. I was BORN to do this! So…I added in my prayer “Oh, and Lord, let me greet Your children and welcome them into Your House.”

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At the break, I was talking with an old friend. A woman came up and said, “Excuse me. I was asked by ****** ***** to come over here and ask you if you would like to be a greeter. You have such a friendly way about you and your smile just lit up the place when you came in this morning!”

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I kid you not! I love how God works!

\n", "date_published": "2013-09-15T01:30:26-06:00", "url": "https://marshmallowranch.com/2013/09/15/western-colorado-sunset.html", "tags": ["Growth","Grace","God"] } ] }